#talk about the worst things ever and funny anecdotes

[manaosdeuwu]

i loooooove getting tattooed at the place i go to <3

[precious-little-scoundrel]

i was thinking about what late night talks with bucky would be like (call me crazy), and it got me thinking:

other than dying (though arguably some are not afraid of dying), what do you think some of the mota men’s greatest fears are? i could write a hundred essays on each of them, they all are so different!

Gosh, this is an incredible ask and it got me thinkin. Too hard, probably. And while I didn’t summarize thoughts for everyone I did think of them for Bucky.

So much so I wrote a little blurb on it. Sorry Nonnie if you’re not even into this universe, I totally get it but I found fic to be a more enlightening method for exploring this. I wanna hear those thoughts of yours! Send them, I beg!

Greatest Fear

They got a bit existential as the weeks went on and their nights got more conscious. Ida and Bucky’s minds grew restless in the cold now that their bodies were healing. Huddled in their bunk they had debated baseball vs football endlessly, and argued regarding the accuracy of each other’s training anecdotes, the morality of mobsters and who was the better boxer: Braddock or Baer.

They’d ended up talking of the war, and both being sick of the dead end that the question of the future brought, they circled back around more concrete -if troublesome- thoughts. Most hairy landings, worst sounds either heard from their crew over the radio and what flashed across their minds when they had to finally press that abandon ship control.

And finally, Bucky ended up asking her what her worst fear was. And when Ida didn’t have it readily to hand -too used to suppressing any such thoughts even to her own self- he clarified: “Besides dying, I mean. If you’re even scared of that. Knowin’ you, maybe you aren’t.”

“I’d rather not.” she admitted.

“So? So what gets you scared?”

“This your way of fishing for another ghost story?” Ida teased.

“No. Just feels like sometimes you gotta remind yourself what it’s all about. Scared of dyin’ means you like livin’ enough to rather not stop. That sorta thing.”

“You’re saying love for one thing drives fear for another.” She summarized.

“Dunno. Just mullin’ it over.”

“I’d go through anything not to lose John.” she conceded, “Funny enough I’m positive he feels the same, so what a snarl.”

“I know he does.”

“Yeah.”

“If they put a gun to Buck’s head I’d tell ‘em Roosevelt's address and his favorite drink order, too.” Bucky expounded, tongue loosened by her tiny admission of frailty. “And he’d hate me for it.”

“All different kinds of loves out there.” Ida murmured consolingly, thinking hard on how her brother had been in a rage at her condition when he first saw her, and yet one of his first questions was whether she’d given anything up. Her Johnny knew she couldn’t live with herself if she had and he wouldn't've wanted her to. And nothing about that struck her as cold. Just as Bucky’s dangerous devotion to Gale didn’t strike her as weak. Just different.

“I saw a train.” Bucky began a thought but his voice died out with such finality Ida wondered if he’d ever pick the subject up again. But after a long moment he did, with some far away quality present in his voice that she’d never heard before, “On the way here. We were on one set of tracks and it was comin’ up the other.”

Ida had memories of trains, a lot of them. Going south all alone, first trip down to the uncle and aunts during the worst year of the depression. Old enough to know her own folks couldn’t support her, old enough to question how a ticket could be arranged but not supper. There had been trains that took her to training in Texas, then on to Iowa and Nebraska. Trains that took her deeper into Germany. One entire train car just for herself and too many German soldiers. Then the train that took them away from Ravensbruck. Ida felt an unsettled anticipation around trains that the peaceful rightness of flight had never caused her.

When Bucky mentioned trains and didn’t go on, Ida folded her hand into his huge one and squeezed it tightly. “What about those trains, John?”

“Heard ‘em before we saw ‘em.” he clarified, nodding his head conversationally as he was want to do, like he was gaining momentum towards a hard saying. Ida braced herself, squeezed just a little harder. “Not the engines, the screams. Car after car, and nothin’ but arms and faces reachin’ out. Screaming.”

Bucky’s bruised eyes were fixed, downcast gaze somewhere in the vicinity of her throat, but Ida knew he was seeing something far away. “I think I saw where they take them.” she muttered before she even had time to weigh her contribution to this horrid tale.

His eyes focused again and he looked at her with silent inquiry. “They took us to a labor camp first. Before here. Apparently one of the nicer ones, they had intentions of treating us as civilians.” Ida had been preoccupied with her aching body and her sharp terror of failure while at Ravensbruck, but not so much as to not notice the haunting vestiges of humanity answering roll beside her. “I felt like I was in Hades, the cold hell. Where the living damned can peruse each special misery waiting for them when they die. Called it a labor camp but I don’t know how skeletons like that could produce anything. Last bits of human resilience used to put together some industry to keep their oppressors fed, equipped. What an end.”

“Scares me shitless.” Bucky replied vehemently, and Ida realized they’d gotten full circle in their talk, that he’d dragged more out of her than she ever intended. Somehow neither his statement of fear nor her own felt weak in the moment. “That folks could get so hard they could do that to each other -I don’t know what to do with that, Ida. How’s it get to that point. Why’ve you got Fritz and then you’ve got…that? Same country, same sauerkraut, same uniforms. Scares me shitless.”

MOTA taglist, I only have one so ignore if this is not the universe you signed up for:

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[pucktoxicity]

i had a whole message ready to go and dropped my phone, so this might end up being shorter. first, as context, i went to a massive hockey school and was with my boyfriend who was on the team throughout our time there and after. still talk with him, but i’ll be honest and say that all the sh*t that comes with having a relationship with someone that’s high profile was just too much.

1. the reading stuff is hilarious. obviously they can read—they just don’t HAVE to read. even in college. was at a party at one of his teammate’s places and opened the fridge to grab something and there were textbooks, still in the plastic, sitting on the top shelf. it was a class i was also taking. when I confronted the guy about it as I held said textbooks in hand laughing (it was near midterms) he said “it doesn’t matter. i’ll pass.” he passed and it definitely wasn’t because he understood a damn thing in that course.

2. cliques exist on teams. ill break that down further. my boyfriend hung with like five of his teammates and a handful of athletes from another big sport at my school. those were who we were around on any given day. on weekends after games, or if there was a stretch with a break from some games, the entire team would go out. your ass better be at those team events or if not you better have a good reason why you’re not there. there was an issue off the ice involving the team and there was definitely a rift afterwards because a few of the guys were not there. it made for a really bad season with a team that should have done well.

3. they’re not tagging pics in real-time. they’ll post stuff a few days later with the tags on the locations so people think they know where they are if they post anything at all. that’s equally true for public and private accounts where tracking can be controlled. im sure most people recognize this, but i’ve never seen it stated outright. i was even asked to hold off on posting things until we were somewhere else even though my accounts are private. if they want you to know where they are, you’ll know where they are.

4. for the love of god do not send them nudes. not unless you want that entire team and possibly more to have them. getting nudes was a game to them.

5. which brings me to—they are ALWAYS involved in some sort of game or challenge with one another. the nudes was one, i can’t give anything more specific because i’d likely dox myself. not really feeling up for that blowback. just—they’re always betting each other over something and keeping tabs/score with something likely unrelated to hockey. sometimes it’s funny and sometimes “ew.” but there’s always something.

6. the sh*t they do off ice is hilarious and often unexpected. one of my best friends is the biggest a-hole on the ice, led the team in penalties, etc. off ice he’s the nicest human you will ever meet. he doesn’t read for fun, but he’s a nerd over a specific genre of movies that you wouldn’t expect. video games are pretty constant. they’re psychotically competitive even with those. watching giant man children rage quit video games is hilarious. oh and some of them have the weirdest habits. can’t really elaborate on that one. if anything i’d send it another time.

7. as someone that had a whole school watching my every move and then a whole city watching my every move, i can tell you it gets old fast—for everyone involved. i had people (guys and girls) show up where i lived. 95% of the sh*t i read online that was supposedly about me, him, me and him, etc was not even close to true. take what you see about any of the players or the people involved with them with a grain of salt.

8. sadly some of the worst guys are the ones in the longest relationships, or had families, etc. that was really horrifying to me. strictly anecdotal to my experience with two teams and their circles, but yeah. it was bad.

9. because the question comes up a lot—where? i met my boyfriend at mandatory study hall freshman year because im also an athlete. we never talk hockey. i talk hockey with my other friends and family, never with him or his teammates. he’s in it all day everyday, it’s his job, just like when im done with work i know i don’t want to talk about it, they’re the same way. if he brings it up, sure, but i’m sure as hell not gonna be the one to do that.

and for those keeping score: tall and natural blonde. many of his teammates over the years dated brunettes but they almost always ended up dying their hair blonde. so I don’t know if it’s blondes initially all the time. if anything i would just add that WAGs are their own beast with all the peer pressure and competitiveness of a team. the going blonde thing might be due to the pressures within that group.

way longer message than i intended but hopefully some valuable insight for those who have asked. as you’ve said, they’re humans like anyone else, their job is just different. oh, and summers were mostly working with skills coaches and rehabbing injuries/getting surgeries that are overdue that weren’t publicized. the public doesn’t know half the sh*t these guys are playing through.

everyone thank this anon for her service because this is absolutely perfect, no notes.

the ones i can most agree with / corroborate from my own experiences: she is 100% correct. do not send these guys nudes (i never have & never will, but know that they get them spread around quickly!!), and the same goes for competing over things. good lord, it’ll be the stupidest shit sometimes too but somehow it becomes a competition 😭 it’s crazy! and the same goes for schoolwork. it’s not just hockey. i have a friend who went to an SEC school with a historic football team (and sorority rush, cough cough), and she said the same thing about football players. they’ll pass. no matter what. doesn’t mean they’ll have a 4.0, but they’ll pass enough. i’m sure it’s the same with big hockey schools up here and the midwest as it is in the south with football. that doesn’t surprise me at all, unfortunately.

also, that last line. the public doesn’t know half the shit these guys are playing through. YUP. the things their bodies go through in not just a season, but in one game, are absolutely insane. and she’s very correct about privately-handled, unannounced offseason surgeries. 🙂‍↕️

i think the most interesting thing for you guys to see is her insight that most brunette WAGs end up going blonde & that whole explanation of the blonde WAG stereotype in every level of hockey.

whoever you are, i adore you, this was an amazing read, and if you ever want to talk privately in dms and stuff, i’d love to! if not, no worries, and thank you for stopping by & talking to me 🥰💋❤️

[ddarker-dreams]

Lock, what DO you love and like so much about Dostoevsky's work? I don't think you've ever talked about that. Please, I want to know !!!

^o^

(christianity mention jump scare below proceed with caution)

i thought this would be an easy to answer but figuring out how to put my feelings into words proved difficult .

the beginning is always a good place to start, so let's go with that. by chance, i happened upon this video on youtube and gave it a watch. about halfway in i decided i had to read notes from underground for myself. i struggled to understand what the narrator was trying to get across. the unique writing style, where the reader is addressed directly, as if in challenge, helped me preserve.

i think part of what makes his work special to me is his depiction of people. and they really do feel like people more than characters, even if some of their characteristics are unique to the era dostoevsky wrote in. everything else about them transcends time. i can see myself in some of them. whether it be the titular idiot, prince myshkin in his naivety; alyosha, who goes from devout to doubting; and ivan, whose bitterness toward religion masks his disappointment at the state of the world. 

that's why the brothers karamazov touched me in particular. for some context, i grew up in a christian household and was heavily involved in the church (american northeast white baptist strand of church). around when i was 11 or so, the introduction of left-wing politics through social media had me undergo a looooong identity crisis. these new ideas felt at odds with what i'd spent my entire life believing. what i grappled with the most relates to ivan's anecdote, the grand inquisitor, where the goodness of god is called into question. the bitterness, the disappointment from crushed expectations, all those sensations resonated strongly with me. reading it as an adult who (supposedly) 'healed' from that time period in my life was like opening pandora's box. i'd never seen my thoughts and struggles so accurately described, or treated with more than a 'his ways are higher than our ways' type platitude. i stuffed these concerns of mine away because they only ever served to make me feel worse.

i won't delve deep into the Depressing Lore. the only reason i mention it is to stress how profound an impact the work had on me. throughout the remainder of TBK (and in most of dostoevsky's discography), the best and worst of humanity is shown. our hypocritical nature, capacity for evil; nothing is shied away from or made more palatable. and yet, throughout it all, our potential for good is shown too. whether it be in the little acts or monumental self-sacrifice. sometimes those acts are honored, or ‘worth it,’ sometimes they aren’t. it’s cheesy but whatever i’ll say it — choosing to love and serve others is my greatest joy. i don’t really need a definitive answer to those problems i struggled with. that’s the takeaway i’ve had from his work. it might not seem like a big deal, but not feeling guilty for having certain doubts or anxious over those doubts never fully being resolved was. very significant for me. and healing (for real this time). 

so that’s the sentimental perspective GJSDLKFJS from my writer’s perspective, i can only describe him as brilliant. his grasp on the human psyche is incredible. he can accurately describe so many emotions, worldviews, and give the context necessary for each one to feel organic and real. it’s vivid, too, in a way i can’t properly get across. everyone’s unfiltered and messy. characters contradict themselves in the same sentence. they’ll murmur, go off on tangents, tell stories, misquote the bible (or many other significant works), and just be overall disasters. aka how people actually are. 

the man’s also funny as hell. the protagonist from crime and punishment has a mental breakdown spanning multiple pages over a sock. yes, there’s context, but that’s still the gist of things. then there’s the issue of the hedgehog in the idiot. hedgehog drama. 

ultimately, his work is so very human. there’s commentary on issues that are prevalent to this day, multiple centuries later. the topics he touches on tend to align with what i care about most. whether i agree or disagree with what i’m reading, there’s always something i glean from it. something meaningful that sits with me long after i close the book. i’ll mull over it and bother people in my vicinity until they mull over it too. no one is safe. whether it be a co-worker or my dad who drives noticeably faster to reach our destination and be free of my many questions.

i could keep going but this ended up being long enough GJSKDF i hope at least something here makes sense?>?? i apologize for the incoherent ramblings. it's what the dude does to me.

[myimaginarywonderland]

Hey uh can we please talk about the Esteban situation that just came out? Because it is so not funny, it is genuinely insane and breaking laws.

If you haven't seen it yet, Marcin Budkowski, the former technical director who was fired in 2022, leaked it to the media that apparently Alpine was tracking Estebans company car and checked up on him, therefore discovering that he was at the Williams facility.

So this is highly questionable in multiple ways.

1.) How the fuck would information like this ever get out especially to someone that hasn't worked at that team for years?

2.) Is it really a company car? Because the way I always understood it when drivers got given cars from the teams they races for was as a gift to probably ensure said driver stays at that team and to get some free promotion. Was it strictly told to Esteban that it is a company car?

3.) Which fucking moron decided after already breaking at least one law (privacy rules as Esteban clearly was not at Williams during work hours) to probably break more and spread sensitive information like that not only through his department but apparently through the entire fucking factory to a point that a former employee gets wind of it?

4.) Why would anyone ever think this is funny? In what world is a huge breach of privacy like this ever funny?

5.) What actually is written in the contracts? Because if things aren't stated explicitly as possible, this is a massive law suit just waiting to happen.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that any team could be worse than RedBull or Haas but this has topped like 90% , if not everything, those two teams have ever done.

I know Esteban is unlikely to take any action on this seeing as people already hate him for existing and he already has one of the worst undeserved images across the paddock but I still hope he takes some form of actions against this because I can not see shit like this fly.

Imagine if he hadn't gotten a seat and this had still come out. Best believe my ass would have sued them to the ground and ruined their team.

To act like this is in any way shape or form okay, like this is some funny anecdote you share over dinner, is wild. This is insane. Like truly insane and so illegal I can not even begin to understand what could have ever convinced someone to tell on themselves this hard.

[broken-clover]

Certainly! Ngl I always love having an excuse to talk about the aquarium.

-Sol is simply a very surly fishie who does not like anyone ever. Generally, though, it isn't as though he chases anything down until it's dead, once it's out of his personal bubble he won't waste any more energy. His main way of chasing things out of his space is through nonlethal (but still very painful) bites. Presumably on accident, he once caught Raven by the leg in just the wrong spot and bit through an artery. Raven insists after the fact that it was funny, despite them having to move Sol out and fully drain his tank in order to get all the blood cleaned out, not to mention the fact that Raven technically died both from blood loss and drowning in his own blood at the same time (he was fine though, came back to work the same week in good spirits)

-May, at least, is friendly, she just has the recurring flaw of not being able to recognize her own absurd dolphin strength. She's cost a fortune in tank repairs from how she keeps smashing things while playing around. It doesn't seem purposeful, she's just naturally very destructive. The most severe accident was smashing her own tank wall and flooding her entire section of the aquarium, which nearly took out Axl, Jack-O and numerous patrons all at once. Thankfully, aside from a few minor injuries, the worst of it was scaring the hell out of people and needing to replace the wall and carpets. Fun fact, May's tank plexiglass is 2.5x as thick as the rest of the aquarium's now.

-Millia has a similar sort of problem, not so much 'stronger than she thinks' but 'has tentacles that massively outdo human grip strength.' She doesn't tend to get outright violent, but whenever something annoys her, she tends to grab it with a tentacle and drag it away from her. During a routine cleaning while Axl was pulling old bits of food out of the fan vents, he got a bit too close, and Millia half-strangled him in the process of trying to get him out of her personal space. Cephalopod mer seem to have aggressive grip strength as a common issue, but we'll get more into that later...

-Baiken is a hard call. Half of the staff are pretty sure Baiken was intentional. Like Sol, she has a very volatile temper, and she keeps grudges. In another of Raven's 'tells it at company meetings like it's a funny anecdote and then gets surprised when everyone ends up staring at him in silent bewilderment and/or horror' Baiken managed to injure him, not with biting or scratching or any standard form of attacking, but by straight up smashing her tail so hard into the back of his head that it cracked the bone. It was one of the few times an injury was bad enough to convince Raven to go home, because he was concussed to the point where he kept slipping into Old German (nobody has any idea where the hell he even learned that), nearly stabbed himself in the side of the head confusing a screwdriver for his radio, and repeatedly mistook I-no for his aunt Frieda.

-Leo is just a big blustery idiot. His main issue is, like full-body catfish, he has sharp spines on his fins, and is also venomous. The venom isn't potent and isn't much of a worry unless it gets in someone's eyes, but being the size he is means he basically has multiple knives sticking out of his back. Part of protocol with him is ensuring you know where he is at all times while in the same space as him, because Leo oftentimes doesn't pay attention.

As for the intentional ones...

-Answer is an intelligent squid and he uses it for evil. Okay maybe not 'evil,' but it took a lot of mellowing out thanks to Chipp before they could ease up on the several full pages of special protocols on him, because Answer is just as smart as the aquarium staff, if not significantly smarter, and he is not afraid to make that very clear. If he gets fed too late or doesn't like the enrichment he's given, he knows how to shoot water above his tank in order to hit the ceiling and short out the power. He's responsible for Raven's second legal death (he refuses to explain what happened the first time, the best you'll get is vague mentions) After a very difficult checkup with him, the next time Raven came in to bring his food, Answer dragged him into his tank with several tentacles and managed to snap his neck. By the time they managed to wrestle him back out after several full minutes underwater and bring him to a hospital, everyone assumed he was a lost cause, and weren't extremely surprised when they had to sign the death paper...of course, the moment they did, the amiodarone finally kicked in, and it was a whole mess for everyone involved. Raven likes showing off the scar on the back of his neck that he got from spinal surgery

-Romeo is a biter. That's all there is to it. They wonder if it's just natural from him being a shark, but Johnny has never been anywhere near as bad. He's kinda like the resident feral cat. He hates being touched, hates being moved, hates being looked at for too long, and will respond to anything he doesn't like by chomping a hole out of it. Even just giving him a haircut usually involves tranquilizing him because he'll repeatedly attempt to bite anything that gets anywhere near him. He's gotten slightly better over time, very slightly, but it's best to approach him with thick gloves on and your guard always up. Generally, cookiecutter sharks aren't actually of any real danger to humans, but the majority of them are not 1. the size of a human adolescent with teeth to match and 2. filled with a disdain for every other living thing in existence

[pillow-anime-talk]

really funny!s/o.

request @cadetsfanfictionblog12​: hi there, i’m luna, i saw that requests are open may i request headcannons for hifumi, doppo and sasara with an funny s/o?

# tags: headcanons; current relationships; light romance; fluff; comedy; jokes; kisses; sfw

includes: gender neutral reader ft. hifumi izanami, doppo kannonzaka & sasara nurude {hypmic}

author’s note: hiii, luna! thank you for your request!

— HIFUMI

↘ Hifumi loves your humor and whenever he has a bad time, he comes to talk to you and listen to your pretty voice. In addition to being his mental support and the person whose advice always goes to his heart, you are also his spiritual helper and you make his moments of uncertainty or stress disappear with yours laughter and a few innocent jokes.

↘ You’re definitely a master of situational jokes and you love making silly faces that only make Hifumi die laughing and fall in love with you even more.

↘ I think you’re the funny half of the two of you. Hifumi also tries to make up or repeat the jokes he hears from others, but definitely no one (even him) can beat you.

↘ And even if someone tried to do it, you have even better stories up your sleeve that the world is definitely afraid to hear.

— DOPPO

↘ You can’t joke well with Doppo, because you don’t want him to take things personally, so instead of stupid anecdotes and remarks, you just try to make his time better with stupid riddles or crazy stories in which you are the main character.

↘ Your boyfriend appreciates it a lot and always gives a little smile when you say something funny or really stupid. You also often try to cheer him up with silly memes or funny pictures, which fortunately he understands most of the time.

↘ And in the worst cases, when your boyfriend is really mentally unwell or doesn’t want to meet people even his friends or family, you just send him your own photos that instantly cheer him up. You often decorate them with stickers or additional text, and that’s enough to put a sincere, though shy, smile on his gloomy but sweet face.

↘ No matter what you tell him or send him via phone, or record with your front camera, the man really loves it and it makes work, a lonely evening in his own apartment, and even a failed performance a little less sad for him.

— SASARA

↘ The young comedian never thought he’d ever meet someone whose humor was similar or even identical to his own. For Sasara, it was... a huge shock.

↘ He was very impressed the first time he went to your show with his two male friends. Your stand up show made the whole audience laugh and then even brought a slight smile to the faces of the Dotsuitare Hompo members. After the show, he got into your private locker room, and there you exchanged your phone numbers and also talked about performing together.

↘ And so after a few weeks you not only worked together, but also lived together in a relationship full of romance and also laughter, jokes. You loved doing silly antics to your boyfriend, and Sasara liked it when you listened to his next show schedule and helped him come up with funny situations.

↘ People valued you not only for being a good duo, but above all for your extraordinary humor and funny situations that often happened on stage by accident.

[harmonyindark245]

One Last Time [Chapter 6]

Summary - Elain and Azriel have known each other since they were 11 and had never been separated. But when their view for their future no longer matches, things break apart between them, causing a rift which had never been fixed. Elain goes on to become a neurosurgeon, while Azriel works for the deadlier part of the community. Ten years later, their lives get entangled as they cross paths, this time stakes much greater than just their hearts.

An: All characters belong to Sarah J. Maas

Warnings: Mature language, violence, alcohol consumption, smoking, drugs

Hope you all enjoy!

Masterlist

Songs:

Tornado Warnings - Sabrina Carpenter Forget Forever - Selena Gomez Blood // Water - grandson

It had been an entire week since Elain had called him out for cheating. 

It had been so long since he thought about that day that he had actually forgotten the specifics. All he remembered were Elain’s tears as she ran out of the room, him not even trying to explain. 

He knew he deserved all the hate she was spewing, but he wished it were different. He wished he could tell her what had truly happened that day, but he was a coward. 

Rhysand’s birthday and Thanksgiving both passed quietly, with no suspicious activity that indicated any harm to Elain or Daemon. He found it funny that he was now protecting the two people he was meant to kidnap. 

Azriel had been spending his early mornings with Daemon, getting to know more about him, telling him his own childhood stories. It felt surreal, to have a son. It disheartened Azriel whenever he heard a fun anecdote from Daemon’s initial years and Azriel realized he missed out on them because of his own mistakes. 

He was proud of how mature and smart Daemon was. He knew it had to do with the fact that Elain was too young when she had him. He was also proud of Elain, for being able to handle a child while managing college, all on her own. Azriel knew though, if he ever told that to her, she would backhand him with as much force as she could.

Azriel had thought things would manage out when, out of nowhere, Daemon asked why he didn’t have a sibling. He didn’t even know if a ten-year-old knew where babies came from, and he didn’t want to give an answer that Elain wouldn’t agree with. So he just said, “Your mom might know.”

Daemon easily accepted the answer and continued eating his chocolate chip pancakes. Azriel wondered if Daemon was aware of the situation going on between him and Elain. Or did he think they were a perfectly happy family, all back together now?

Azriel snapped back to reality when his phone started ringing through his car system. He picked it up without looking. 

“What?” 

“Hello to you too Az.” Nesta’s cool voice came through the speakers. 

He rolled his eyes. “Is this a reminder for Sunday? Cause that’s 3 days away and yes, I will just get her a gift card.”

“No Azhole.” Nesta snapped and Azriel smiled at the road. “I want you to bring Elain and Daemon.” Azriel instantly pushed the brakes, causing the cars behind him to honk at him.

“Elain and Daemon? You want me - the guy she wants to kill - to tell her that I’m taking her to a birthday party when she’s supposed to be kidnapped?” 

Azriel let out a laugh as he started driving again. “Nesta, with all due respect, that is the worst idea you’ve ever had, and that’s saying a lot, considering you’re married to Cassian. Shouldn’t you be the one to invite her?” 

“I can’t. I fought with her a few days ago.” Nesta said with a sigh. 

Azriel ran a hand through his hair, releasing an aggravated sigh as he considered her request. “Fine, I’ll tell her, but no promises.”

“Good.” Azriel thought she had disconnected but suddenly her voice came through the speakers, soft and timid. “And Az, maybe you should talk to her. About that night.” He didn’t respond and eventually, the click sound came, indicating that she cut the line. 

He huffed out a breath as he thought about Nesta’s words. Maybe she was right and he should finally tell Elain the truth about what had happened ten years ago. 

~~~~~

Azriel had finally reached his destination. It had taken him an hour and a half from his office to get there. 

He had managed to hack into the iPhones he had grabbed from the dead bodies of the men that had attacked the ball. There wasn’t much information available on it but he tracked a number common on both phones, which led him to an abandoned warehouse on the docks. Azriel scoffed at the cliche location. He sent his live location to both Rhys and Cassian as a fail-safe. 

He parked his car hidden behind the large building. He checked his gun and blade before getting out of the car. He didn’t see any cars nearby and took his bag along with him. He reached inside to find it empty, a bunch of empty containers loitering the area. His phone beeped with a message from Lucien. 

All is good here. Elain wants to talk. Daemon and I will be upstairs. 

Elain wanted to talk. Good. Because so did he. He closed my eyes and promise himself that he would tell Elain everything once he went back home. 

Azriel took out the surveillance equipment he had brought and started hiding them all around the warehouse. It took him quite a while to install the audio recorders as well as the cameras, placing multiple, covering the whole area. 

As he was just about finished, he heard the sound of tires on gravel. He cursed and quickly wrapped up, ducking behind a container.

He saw multiple men enter the warehouse and took his gun out of his pocket, to be prepared. He slightly faltered when he saw Graysen along with the men. Azriel had not even considered Graysen could be related to the attack. 

“You promised that you would give me the girl as well as a kid. Where are they Graysen?” Said a muffled male voice. Azriel looked at the group of men that had convened in the middle and saw Graysen had his phone out. The voice was most likely coming from there. 

Azriel concurred that the girl and kid the man had mentioned were probably Elain and Daemon. What he didn’t understand was why them. And why Graysen would orchestrate an attack at his own father’s ball to get his fiancee?

 “I’m really sorry, but I don’t know where they are,” Graysen muttered. “They’ve been gone since that night. I guess someone else took them.” 

The other man clicked his tongue. “It really is a pity that people like you have power.” Azriel couldn’t help but wonder how the voice sounded eerily familiar. 

“I suspect Rhysand took her. He’s married to his sister.” Another man spoke up. 

Graysen let out a laugh. “What’s he gonna do? Torture his sister-in-law? He’s weak. They’re all on a deadline anyway.” 

Azriel frowned at the confidence in Graysen’s voice. He had to figure out what Graysen thought he knew. Suddenly, a cat came out of nowhere and crashed into a pile of bottles behind Azriel. He jumped back and held back a groan as something pierced the skin of his back. 

“Hey! Who’s there?” Someone called out. 

Damn it. 

With no time to think Azriel started off in a sprint, running towards the exit when gunshot sounds started. 

Azriel moved quickly, trying to cover himself from any bullets with the help of the containers. He took his own gun and cocked it, taking a deep breath right before he straightened and fired shots in the direction of the voice. 

He hit one man, which gave him time to get out of the warehouse. He darted towards the exit when suddenly, there was blinding hot, searing pain running through his shoulder, causing him to stop. He touched his arm and found his hand red with blood.

Motherfucking shit. 

He didn’t stop running until he reached his car. Suspiciously, no one came out of the warehouse. He didn’t take any chances, and started the car quickly, flooring the gas pedal and driving away from there as fast as he could. He felt his breath get shallower and cursed knowing that by the time he reached Headquarters, he would bleed out. He couldn’t even go to a hospital.

He could only think of one thing.  

Elain. 

She was a doctor. She could help. Hopefully not kill him in anger. He decided to take his chances and swerved his car, heading towards his home.

For the first time in his life, he wondered what would happen if he didn’t make it. He might not be able to tell Elain the truth about everything. He might not be able to be an actual father to Daemon. 

He groaned as his shoulder hurt while driving. He was glad he didn’t bring his manual. He stopped the car for a moment, tore a piece of cloth, and wrapped it around his wound to stop the bleeding. He could feel excruciating pain in his back as well but ignored it, choosing to reach home as quickly as possible.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, each breath more difficult than the previous. 

Maybe he was going to die. 

~~~~~

She didn’t actually mean putting a bullet in him when she thought about talking to him. 

Although if this was a sign, it was a pretty massive one. A bedridden Azriel would have no choice but to listen to her. If he survived. 

Shit. 

She somehow managed to drag Azriel’s semi-conscious body towards the dining table where she laid him down, pushing away all the objects present. 

“First-aid-kit” He breathed out shallowly. “Kitchen.” 

Elain ran quickly and opened various drawers and cabinets until she found the first aid kit in the cabinet under the sink. It was as big as a medic kit, which she was grateful for. 

She ran back to Azriel’s side and took out a large pair of scissors, cutting open his t-shirt to get access to the wound. She removed the piece of cloth wrapped around his shoulder and slightly winced when she saw the bullet wound. She took a deep breath. You’ve seen worse than this. This is just a small wound. You can do this. She tried to reassure herself. 

She searched the bag for anything to help with the pain and groaned when she came up empty. She once again ran to the kitchen looking for alcohol. She found an unopened bottle of Absolut in a cabinet and decided that it was the best option she had. 

She unscrewed the bottle and poured it into a glass. She brought Azriel’s head upwards and poured it down his throat. “I’m sorry, but this is the only anesthesia I could get in a short time.” She took another glass of vodka and frowned. “And this is going to hurt like hell.” Without another word, she poured the glass over his wound. 

He let out a disgruntled scream causing Elain to flinch. “I’m so sorry, but you don’t have hydrogen peroxide to clean it and this was a better option than using actual sanitizer.” 

“It’s in my bathroom cabinet.” He groaned out, glaring at Elain.

Elain narrowed her eyes at him. “How was I supposed to know that?”

Azriel ignored her and tried to get up. “I need to call Rhysand. He’ll know what to do and get me to a doctor.” He doubled over in pain and that’s when Elain noticed the gaping wound in his back, gushing more blood than the gunshot wound. She gasped in surprise and pushed him down. 

“By the time that happens you’ll have bled to death. Let me fix you.” She started rummaging through the kit to find a Rampley and cotton. When she didn’t hear anything in return, she turned around to find Azriel passed out on the table. She quickly checked his pulse to find it slow, but there. 

She decided to not go searching for Hydrogen Peroxide and doused the pieces of cotton in alcohol hoping it would not cause sepsis. She decided to pay attention to the wound in his back first as it was still bleeding. 

She managed to stitch the wound and bandage it before moving on his arm. She wiped it clean and used a pair of travers to keep the wound open, checking if there was a bullet still present inside, as there was no exit wound. Luckily, it wasn’t embedded deeply and she easily removed it. However, she found it to be slightly purplish in color, causing her to frown. She glanced at the bullet and found it laced with some substance. Her eyes widened and she quickly took an injection and extracted as much as she could from his blood.

Elain cleaned the wound properly, knowing he would need to visit an actual hospital soon. She stitched close the wound and cleaned away all the excess blood, placing a bandage over it. 

She checked Azriel’s pulse once again and found it returning to normal. She finally felt as if she could breathe properly. 

Elain grabbed Azriel’s phone from his pocket and took a swig from the bottle of Absolut kept beside her. She used his face ID to unlock it and called Rhys. 

When he picked up after a while, she slumped down against the table. “Get here quickly, and get me a proper surgical kit. With blood bags.”

She cut the call and glanced at her hands, covered in blood. She ignored them as she covered her face with them and started sobbing. 

~~~~~

Elain stayed on the floor until she heard the doorbell ring. She quickly wiped her face and rushed to the door, opening it to find Rhysand standing there, worry etched into his face. 

He rushed inside, motioning to someone outside to come inside. Then a group of men came along with multiple iceboxes and cardboard boxes. “Everything you need to set up a surgical station.” He pointed to each box that was labeled. 

She moved around looking inside the icebox to find multiple blood bags, each box holding a different blood group. “Did you raid a hospital or a vampire den?” 

Rhys scoffed. “Had this in storage in case we needed to set up in a remote place. Usually, our resident doctor handles these kinds of things.”

Elain shook her head and asked the men to help her set up important equipment like an ECG machine and IV stand. “Should we set him up in the room?” She inquired. 

Rhys just shrugged in response. “You’re the boss.” 

“What’s going on?” Lucien’s voice came from the stairway. 

Elain turned towards him and rushed to him quickly, once again breaking down. Lucien quickly hugged her, glancing at the table, and understood. He patted her back and shushed her. He grasped her shoulders tightly and shook her. “You see this every day at work. Go into Doctor mode, okay? You can do this.” She glanced at him and nodded, knowing she had to control her emotions. 

She set her shoulders firmly and instructed the men to help her set up everything in Azriel’s room. 

She could cry after she was sure Azriel was fine.

~~~~~

AN: I have a feeling I overdid the surgical process. Well. Hope you liked it!

Next Chapter on 10th Feb.

[baddingtonbitch]

don’t reblog obvi i just need to get this out of my head or it’s gonna pop.

it’s so crazy how hard your body and mind work to protect you but also how unsophisticated and flawed those protective measures can be like sometimes the things it put in place to distance you from pain can end up backfiring like i put on this movie because i was like oh yeah acid and dancing those used to be huge parts of my life i wonder if anything in this feels true or well rendered. and i did it so flippantly because that chapter in my life, for self protective reasons has basically been heavily redacted and minimised in my memory as my “stupid silly tripper days lol” and the only things i ever draw on from that time are the wild anecdotes or funny stories. but i literally have such massive life altering trauma associated with hallucinogens and the things that happened to me while i was on them, like one of the worst things that has ever happened to me happened while i was in no state to be dealing with it and to see such hideous things happen to people when they’re that raw and disoriented and the experience is so indescribably magnified, and to have it filmed so evocatively and performed so convincingly (mostly) is just like. insanely triggering! and i should have known that, like there was no deception this movie is very clear about what it is and i should have known what i was getting into given noe’s other films. but it’s just like a really stupid brain error that my mind is still working so hard to keep me from re-experiencing that trauma that it almost lulled me into acting like it was never there. which left me really vulnerable to stepping on it like a landmine. i just ambled head on into this movie like ooh voguing drugs and pretty colours lalala :) and then that thing my mind is still trying to shield me from after all these years later is like. still there. because of course it is! and instead of feeling fully retraumatised i’m just dumbfounded, shocked and believe it or not GRATEFUL to my brain, even though it made a mistake, for trying so hard to protect me. like i talk shit about her a lot but that grey thing in my skull really has my back in a lot of ways that really really matter like maybe she can’t get me to sleep at the right time or do the dishes or remember what day it is but it’s because she’s been taking bullets for me my whole life and she still is because she loves me so much. like i’m still here because of everything my brain does for me even after everything i’ve done to my brain it’s a primal animal system that would do anything for me in the only ways it knows how it’s like those dogs that die getting bitten while protecting little kids from snakes i’m like literally crying rn

[rosestthorns]

I want you to know that you expressed a ton of the same thoughts I had about the Epilogues and post canon in general in that post. I thought it was well put, and honestly covers the biggest scope of their issues especially making cheap drama out of resolved character arcs or ignoring original arcs to add in cheap drama. I had a really good friend quote it well too. "The only way you can engage with hs2 is to make excuses for it."

Honestly I didn't even really cover my two biggest gripes with the comic, besides the absolute character assassination of literally everyone. Both the flagrant misuse of the narrative as a story telling tool and the absolute wasted potential of it all.

Let's start with the wasted potential; There are so many stories that have been told by fans in the Homestuck universe, but also plenty of really good official content that delves into stories we didn't see in the comic. I absolutely loved the paradox space comics, I thought they were clever in their use of doomed timelines or showing stories we only ever got the quick anecdote for in the main comic.

Telling short stories like these are not only funny but it doesn't contradict what we already know! Not only is the paradox space comics an amazing example but so are the games. Friend sim, pesterquest, and Hiveswap are other official examples of better told stories that either don't involve the main cast or tell a story through the lens of a different character. There's absolutely no need to "Go back into Cannon". Just tell a different story, there are so many interesting things within this universe that could lead to hijinks and conflict naturally without forcing characters to generate conflict for the sake of it. I mean hell, I'd even read a story about a second game starting post cannon! It would be so fun to see the descendants of the characters we loved so much go through similar trials, or even having the previous gods being able to guide them along to help save the world they worked so hard to create. There are so many places they could've gone and they chose the worst option.

And moving on to the misuse of the Narrative as a story telling tool. Homestuck as a story is insanely meta, but it's meta with a purpose. Everything in Homestuck serves some sort of purpose, from Doc Scratch, the website, the many iterations of Jack Noire, even Andrew Hussy himself and the MSPA reader serve a purpose! We were all part of that story and that served to push the narrative forward, same with Hussy. The thing about the Narrative though is it's not just some nebulous thing you can take control of if you're "Strong willed" or "My God powers let me", it's literally a physical item. The Narrative is a computer console that very few people have access to, and it's not all powerful.

The MSPA reader literally names John and he tells you to stuff it.

Not to mention the numerous instances of shit like this that the characters themselves refuse to do.

At one point WV took control of the narrative and tried to command John. It seems the narrative just appears as suggestions or thoughts being pumped into your head. Through these panels where WV is commanding John to "DO THE WINDY THING" John actively doesn't know what he means, or where these commands are coming from.

Even Claiborne takes control of the narrative after talking with Hussy and basically stealing the terminal. But because he doesn't like the story being told, he tells his own story leaving the main story to be told through the "Intermission" of his epic tale.

The point being is: Any time anyone has control of the narrative, they also have access to the computer that's required to control it. Neither Dirk or Jade-Calliope have access to. It completely spits in the face of an established mechanism in the story.

Homestuck was a masterpiece of its time and it still holds up in places. The epilogues and HS^2 don't even try to carry a fraction of the spirit or depth of its predecessor. We deserved better and Viz Media dropped the ball hard and just ditched when the project failed. We lost so much thanks to HS^2 and epilogues. You can't find official Homestuck merch anymore, For Fans by Fans delisted almost all of it. And because of that, I can't help but hate both.

Thank the gods Homestuck fans are dedicated enough to fill the void left behind by HS^2. You're all the real GOATs

[cocoartistwrites]

So, I was born with a facial deformity which has affected like the symmetry of my face a bit. I wouldn’t say it’s extreme but it’s definitely noticeable. And now (I’m 22 in college) anytime a guy asks me out or anything (doesn’t happen often but occasionally), I have this deep suspicion that it’s like for a bet or some kind of game. Lol. I probably should go to therapy haha but it’s embarrassing and vain to say.

Anyway, I hope you’ve been enjoying your summer! How is the weather where you are? It’s hot as fucking balls where I am

I wrote a really long response to this last week and posted it and my signal dipped in the tube and it vanished so I hope I can recreate.

Firstly, it’s not embarrassing or vain and you should go to therapy for a chat about it because it’s weighing on you and you don’t have to carry it. Even saying it’s vain is a sign that you’re not very comfortable in your physicality and not being fair to yourself. So definitely do that if you can. You won’t always be so conscious of it and seeing yourself outside in anyway but you can speed up the process of learning to accept yourself by talking to someone.

It’s getting in the way of you living your life to the fullest, not because of other people but because you’re scared. That is very sad and also very normal. It can happen to girls who think they’re fat or boys who think they’ve got a weird chest or anyone who had bad acne or excess body hair or whatever. We train our young people to think that they should look a certain way and if they don’t it’s hopeless.

Okay so that said: what if these guys were doing it for a bet? What’s the worst that could happen if you said yes. They’d look like a total dickhead and embarrass themselves. If you don’t respect someone, you don’t have to care for their opinion and asking someone out for a bet is like immediate respect loss. You would tell your friends and turn it into a funny anecdote and the pain would seep away. You’d laugh at them and you’d be fine.

I’m so sorry that you’re affected by this thing that is nothing you did just a little quirk of birth and I’m so sorry if anyone has ever made you feel less for it. You’re not and you deserve to feel beautiful and to be happy and comfortable in your own skin and to be loved, and I really believe you will be if you give it half a chance 💙

[dynamightmite]

Some of the responses to my last post have made me realize that maybe Bakugo's trauma isn't as well understood as some of the other characters', and, because I have free time today, I figured I might as well break it down in chronological order and work from there (warning you now: this will be long).

To begin with, there's a lot of obvious things about the Sludge villain incident that would be traumatizing for basically anyone. And as much as Bakugo tried to shove off the after-effects, we know he was scared:

But there are a lot of Bakugo-specific reasons why the Sludge villain really fucked with his confidence and sense of self-worth. For one thing, while we see Midoriya getting attacked, he's rescued by All Might almost instantly. He barely has time to realize he's suffocating before he's free. Bakugo? Not so much. It's unclear how long, exactly, the Sludge villain holds him hostage, but it's at least a few minutes. Which doesn't sound very long until you remember that Bakugo was fourteen, couldn't breathe, and, because he isn't stupid, was completely aware that multiple pro heroes were basically standing around watching him be brutalized and doing absolutely nothing to help.

The only person who did help was Deku. The only person. The only person who gave enough of a shit about Bakugo to try and save him was the person he has the most complicated relationship with: his rival, his victim, his childhood friend, the person he feels both the safest and most exposed with. The person he measures himself against constantly, and internally finds himself lacking. So not only is all of this happening, but Deku—who just hours earlier Bakugo was mocking for being weak—is the one person strong enough to try and do something, and gets front row seats to Bakugo's own weakness.

Then All Might shows up and saves Bakugo from what is, at that point, the most humiliating, terrifying thing that has ever happened to him. But of course Bakugo isn't happy about it; he never wanted to be saved by All Might, and meeting his hero for the first time the way he did? What Bakugo wanted, desperately, was to prove himself to All Might, and instead he's just another dumb kid that got saved from a villain attack by the greatest pro hero who ever lived.

Not only that, but this was in public. It was televized. Bakugo was made so famous for it, people recognized him years later on the street based solely on his face. And while theoretically that's great exposure for him, imagine if the worst, most degrading moment of your entire life was broadcast on live, national television, and constantly brought up like some funny anecdote by people who don't even know you. He was fourteen years old being physically assaulted and strangled in front of the entire country and unable to do anything about it. Not only did that damage his pride, but it really fucked with him mentally. Look at what Midoriya even says about him:

That's not even to begin talking about how much pressure he puts himself under to be the best, no exceptions. He has a full-on panic attack when he loses in Deku vs. Kacchan 1 because he ties his self-worth so completely to winning he thinks of himself and worthless without it. Look how deeply it affects him:

That's not just bruised pride, that's Bakugo dealing with every single one of his insecurities being laid bare in public again. It's gonna just keep happening, too. And sure, like with this fight, sometimes he brings it on himself, but. Holy shit, this poor kid.

Then, of course, we have the kidnapping.

Despite their misapplication of their information, the LoV actually understands Bakugo pretty well. By that I mean, they figured out what affects Bakugo the most and capitalize on it to try and win him over to their side. They attack his image as a hero. Which seems kind of lame and generic, except it really hits home. Why?

Because that's his biggest insecurity, his deep, dark shame: Bakugo doesn't think of himself as heroic.

He's an excellent fighter and strategist, he's fearless, able to work well under pressure, adaptable, quick-thinking, and extremely powerful. All incredible traits for a hero. What he doesn't have is an instinct to save others. Deku does; he'll reach his hand out to anyone, without thought, no matter the cost to his safety/happiness. But Bakugo consistently struggles with this aspect of being a true hero. He's very aware of how important it is—every time he talks about Deku looking down on him, the thing he was laughing at Bakugo for? Yeah, this is it—and how very much he lacks it. And the LoV rubs his face in the fact that not only do a bunch of villains see him as being villainous, but the public he's supposed to be well on his way to protecting do, too. Yeah Aizawa defends him, but of course that whole experience negatively affects Bakugo. Especially because of what comes after.

Deku vs. Kacchan 2 is probably the closest Horikoshi comes to stabbing the audience through the brain with a knife labeled "Bakugo's trauma".

The whole fight is just Bakugo baring his soul in the most raw, heart-wrenching way possible. Look at what he asks Deku:

None of these lines should be ignored. This is Bakugo admitting that he is terrified that every bit of praise he's ever received is meaningless in the face of reality, which has proven that he is not worthy. All Might didn't think so, otherwise why wouldn't he have picked Bakugo to be his successor? Every ounce of skill, all the effort Bakugo has poured into his dream, it all means nothing. Why? Because Deku is inherently heroic, and Bakugo is not. Bakugo knows it, Midoriya knows it (why else would he be laughing in Bakugo's face if he wasn't intimately aware of his failures?), All Might knows it—hell, the whole world knows it. And because Bakugo is his own worst critic, he's gutted that someone like him, someone unworthy, destroyed the Symbol of Peace. His hero.

Does this not look like trauma? Does this not look like a kid poorly dealing with PTSD who's lashing out and trying to punish himself? And trying to purge his emotions the only way he knows how, through fighting? Who is desperately seeking some kind of compassion and connection in Deku, because he is losing his mind and can't keep going? He's a kid who's been given basically zero support, who's been expected to deal with not only being kidnapped and psychologically tortured, but also being the direct cause of Japan's sudden criminal uprising. That is so much pressure to put on a child. Any single bit of Bakugo's experience would be traumatizing by itself, but put together? It's like a personalized hell for him.

And then we have the Moment. The my body just moved on its own moment. Bakugo is so afraid for Deku leading up to this:

And afterward? It really affects him.

He's scared for Deku. He's beating himself up for not supporting him better, for not getting over himself and taking Deku's hand. He thought his closest person was going to die in front of his eyes, and then that person ran away. Of course that traumatized Bakugo.

Now, the reason Bakugo's trauma often gets overlooked (both in canon and in the fandom space) is, in my opinion, because he doesn't express his trauma in a way that's easy to romanticize. It often comes out as anger and violence, loud and obnoxious and toxic. His trauma responses hurt other people, specifically Deku. And in a character that isn't going for poor little meow meow bloodthirsty vengeance-based criminal or abused child with terrible social skills but a heart of gold, it's hard for people to wrap their heads around the fact that Bakugo isn't really a bad kid so much as he's a kid who has had a lot of crap dumped on him and hasn't been given any tools to heal. He doesn't know how to express his feelings easily or clearly when he isn't in the middle of a fight, and he has very few coping skills to help him deal with his crippling self-loathing and inferiority complex. So when he reaches his mental limit, he—pun intended—explodes.

That isn't to say that Bakugo isn't responsible for his trauma responses, the same way every other character is. He absolutely deserves to be taken to task over them, and the narrative has done a good job of giving him one consequence after the other. But at the same time, he really is just a child who is doing his best in a fucked up situation. And while his actions definitely have hurt other people, the amount of mental torment Bakugo finds himself in on a regular basis deserves more sympathy than I think he sometimes gets.

I understand why characters like Shoto get more of the poor baby treatment, because he's the perfect victim: faultless, and his anger is almost 100% directed at the perpetrator, his father. Comparatively, Bakugo's trauma is messy and overflowing and directed at all the wrong people. But that's neither unrealistic nor even all that surprising, given what we know about him. And part of that is because his trauma isn't nearly as straight-forward, since it's so wrapped up in his own self-esteem issues that he blames himself, and then tries to refocus his hurt and anger on Deku to mitigate his own pain.

It's a big part of why I like Bakugo so much; he represents the unappealing side of trauma responses that are so common, but so often get overlooked because they're unappealing. He's a victim who doesn't act the way we want a victim to act, but rather the way they usually do, and for that I applaud Horikoshi on his realism.

[just-a-new-gi-writer]

hi!! congratulations on your 200+ followers!!! :D can i request a prompt of characters your choice with a creator who's super reclusive? like super introverted its almost funny

A/N: You know, sometimes writing these things is a roller-coaster in and of itself.

Wordcount: 866

Warnings: Dark undertones, tonal whiplash

Masterpost

Taglist: @iyohime

iii. The Windwheel Aster (Aster molendinum), native to southwest Mondstadt, has been observed to be attempting to spread southwards beyond the Dragonspine range into Liyue. While the ocean winds are too violent for the seeds to safely traverse, a narrow, survivable corridor exists through the northeasterlies, as a small colony of the specimens can attest. Anecdotes attest to the possibility of these fragile seeds reaching the islands of Inazuma, though few speak well about how they fare. Therefore, concerns about the invasiveness of this plant are wildly unfounded as my incompetent colleague has clearly overlooked in their latest release.

Your head snapped up from your book. You heard someone over the howling winds, and a snarl crept over your face.

“…ace? Your Grace?”

You let out something between a sigh and a grunt, both of frustration. Two days ago, you had had enough with all the parties, all the social events, all the people trying to talk to you and touch you and getting far too nosy for your own comfort. They inundated you with an inordinate amount of questions: “Are You feeling alright, Your Grace?”, “You don’t look comfortable at this party, Revered One, would You like to leave?”, “I’ve heard You get stressed from dealing with people. Shall I set You up with a quiet place in my library?”

Why did they find it necessary to talk to you so much? Was it so hard for them to realize you wanted to be left alone? This is why you stole away in the darkest night, slipping past their guards and wards armed only with your wits, a few books, and the divine power to blow a human-sized hole through a city wall. After deftly escaping from the Knights’ headquarters, then creating a dust cloud that could be seen from Inazuma, you were finally free from the oppressive clutches of Mondstadt and her people. Seizing your newfound freedom, you fled to the one place that no sane human would rationally go to: the Dragonspine Mountains.

If isolation had a price, you were more than willing to pay it.

The climb was hellish and the environs hostile, but you eventually found a cave untouched by human hands for years. It sheltered you little from the biting winds and blowing snow, but here, at last, you thought you could find the solace you dreamed for to finish reading a single book.

But alas.

Even this was too much to ask for from the world because someone had to have the gall to find you here of all places, when you spent literal hours climbing up this mountain and minutes finding this cave!

“Dearest Founder, is something the matter?” You glanced over to see Albedo waltzing into your cave. “I saw something rising from Mondstadt and feared the worst, but I see you here of all places. Has something gone wrong in the city?”

You snapped your book closed. There were things you were willing to deal with, like the minimal interaction needed to secure these books from Lisa, and this wasn’t anywhere close to what you were willing to deal with. You stood up, brushing the snow off yourself before attempting to slip past the intruder in your once-newfound sanctum.

“Please, Your Grace.” His grip landed on your shoulder. The contact and the force stung more than the winds outside ever did. “Everyone down there must be so worried. Let’s get you down there and ease their minds.”

You glowered at his hand. The contact was… certainly unwelcome, but you learned quickly that there was little you could do to protest against “your acolytes’” whims. Every attempt you made to pull from their grip was a fruitless endeavor, from the imposing and muscled guards to the tiny and weak like Klee and Diona. Far too easily and far too often, you were pulled into the lives of others when all you wanted was to be left alone.

Albedo continued to prattle on about the state of the people below, carelessly pulling you along with a “I don’t want to keep them waiting, Our Author,” or a “Please, we must make haste, they’re sure to be worried to death about You.” You sighed, resigning yourself back into the cycle once again.

Maybe they’d finally understand and give you more time to read this time around.

===

“Albedo, my confidants are beginning to ask questions. By the Creator, I hope you have a cover story.”

“What are they saying?”

“They think you kidnapped Them and tried to steal Them away to your mountain, only to return when your conscience got the better of you.”

“And you, of all people, should know that would be impossible. The timing of events is impossible to resolve with an in-and-out kidnapping attempt, not to mention the absurdity of punching through ten feet of masoned stone without so much as scratching any of the other nearby buildings.”

“Mm. I was never convinced of their theories, in any case. You’ll need to defend yours to them, though.”

“There’s always one way to be absolutely sure about what happened.”

“…You and I both know that will never work.”

“I know. At this point, getting the response isn’t the goal.”

[light-yaers]

All Too Well - Chapter Six

Ko-Fi | Fic Masterpost | Chapter List

Warnings: Rated M for swearing, alcohol and mild sexual content. F!Reader.

A/N: This is my favourite chapter. For good reason. Enjoy it. 

Word Count - 1.5k

Chapter Six

By the late evening, festivities were underway. It was only right for stories to be recalled as anecdotes after such a strange few days. You hated to admit it, but after so long without your fellow Eternals, it was nice to be around them like this. 

You’d always enjoyed their grand parties before, the after battle libations and celebrations. They’d been in short supply over the past thousand years, but now—sat around a table with your family, jogging memories of the past and actually talking to each other was a welcomed change to what you’d used to encounter. 

You were all the same age, but your looks definitely proved that to be subjective. Sprite got it the worst, that was for certain. With the looks of a child, but the mind of someone much more ancient, you couldn’t imagine the struggle it’d been. 

She seemed to take the jokes well. 

“At Gil’s, he didn’t even give her alcohol,” Kingo quipped, sparking chuckles around the table. 

“It’s not like any of us can get drunk, anyway,” Sprite said bitterly, sipping at a beer. You sent her an amused smile.

“Still fun, though,” Kingo began. “Being alongside drunk humans is always an adventure. You know, it’s somewhat of an aphrodisiac,” 

The table went quiet immediately, but smug smiles were littered everywhere. You were trying everything within your power not to broadcast the word sex in your mind when Druig was sat right next to you. 

Phastos coughed awkwardly, prompting Kingo to slam his glass on the table. “Oh, come on, people. Eight thousand years and we can’t talk about sex?”

“We’re all more than capable, Kingo,” you spoke up, taking a sip of your drink. “Maybe certain things should go unsaid,” Kingo huffed immediately, sending you wide eyes with raised brows. 

“Well, maybe that’s just you,” he hit back with, and you knew exactly what he was thinking without needing Druig’s power. You opened your mouth slowly, trying to find the words, as your gaze skimmed the other entertained Eternals. 

You turned to Druig. “Is he...?”

“Calling you a virgin? Yes, he is,” Druig smirked, and the table erupted into giggles. Ikaris almost spat his drink out, prompting Sprite to grab a handful of napkins. Sersi was holding in her laughter, her cheeks red from beer. Phastos was biting down on his tongue and Thena pursed her lips in amusement, but the open faces of Kingo and Druig lit a fire in your gut. 

It’s like we’ve just been born, Arishem. 

You turned back to Kingo, tongue tied but raging. “Kingo—,”

“Oh, come on! I’m just teasing, I don’t actually believe that,” he tried to defend himself. 

“He’s lying,” Druig said immediately, swilling his drink in amusement. 

“Kingo!” you snapped. He raised his hands in defence. 

“Hey! Hey—I’m sorry. It’s just, you’ve always come across so sweet and naïve,” you sent him a death stare. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”

“Unbelievable,” you muttered. 

“Look, even goody-two-shoes’ Sersi and Ikaris did it in the dirt—,”

“Kingo,” Ikaris warned. 

“Hey!” Sersi yelled simultaneously. 

“Did it? What are you, twelve?” you said, scowling, but you couldn’t deny you were finding the entire ordeal funny. “You all believe this?” you asked suddenly, looking round at the red faces of your fellows. “You all believe I haven’t? After eight thousand years?” you hated that word. 

Their sudden silence was enough of an answer. 

You stood abruptly. “You assholes!” you yelled, slamming your hands down on the table. Their laughter was probably the best sound you’d ever heard. The real kind—the kind that made your chest tight and your breath stutter, the pain of trying to hold it in, only to have it pour out in cackles and waves and redness. 

You smiled down at them all, laughing alongside them despite you being the brunt of the joke. The only person not laughing—

Druig. 

“Druig’s not laughing,” Phastos said quickly, pointing to the Eternal in question. Druig raised his beer to his lips mysteriously. 

“Don’t bring me into this,” Druig protested, shooting a smirk at Phastos. 

“You brought yourself into this well before now, pretty boy,” Phastos explained. You finally sat down, tucking your chair in questioningly. 

“What do you mean?” you urged. 

“Phastos is right,” Sprite said mischievously. “How do you think we found you in New York?” 

Your heart dropped suddenly, but not badly—you were intrigued. 

“You Eternals and your blabbering mouths,” Druig said, leaning forward and running a hand through his hair. His face was still unbothered, but you could feel the tension coming off him in waves. “So trivial,” he turned to you, sending you an intimate stare. 

“We came to Druig after Sersi and I realised you left London,” Sprite continued, talking only to you. Druig let her speak, not trying to stop her, as if he’d accepted that this was going to be told to you at some point. 

“What’s your point, Sprite?” you said flatly. 

“You really think it’d be that easy to find you without Druig?” Sprite said with a smile. You sent a questioning stare at Druig, asking for confirmation. He raised his hands up lazily. 

“Guilty,” he said forwardly. “Your thoughts are like a beacon to me. I could find you anywhere in the universe,” 

“Couldn’t have said no to finding you even if he’d tried, either,” Ikaris chimed in lowly.  

“Now now, Ikaris,” Druig said in warning. “Don’t forget I can spill your darkest secrets, right here, right now,” Ikaris’s jaw clenched. 

“Can you also spill whether or not she’s a virgin, too—,” Kingo interrupted. 

“Kingo!” you screeched, whacking him around the head. 

“Proof or it never happened!” he joked back, fighting against your slaps.

All tension was resolved back to normal, despite the way Ikaris’s stare lingered on Druig’s for just a tad too long. It was covered by the laughter though, and by the smiles and subtle mutterings of your family. 

You downed the rest of your beer as Druig sat back in his chair. His eyes immediately found yours. In your mind, a wall was erected. There was part of you that didn’t want him to know what you’d done, but part of you that wanted to see the satisfaction on Kingo’s face wiped away. 

Who cares. We all know each other. 

“Evidence? Fine,” you said, with a finality that made Kingo almost freeze. You kept your gaze on Druig. “Druig, just this once, I give you permission,” 

“What?” he perked up, sitting up straight in his chair and widening his eyes. 

“I give you permission to rifle around my mind,” you said plainly. 

“You gotta be jokin’,” he let out breathily, alongside a few chuckles. 

“I’m not,” you confirmed. 

Phastos leaned into Sersi’s ear. “I’ve never seen him this excited,” he whispered to her, but it wasn’t exactly a quiet transaction. Sprite’s giggles echoed Phastos’ words, and Druig took the comment on the chin. Perhaps, his cheeks rouged just the tiniest bit. 

“You wanted evidence, Kingo,” you reiterated. “Druig can get it,” 

A calculating silence followed your statement. You were secure in your decision, and the wandering gazes of the Eternals showed their curiosity as well, now that Kingo had brought it up. 

 “You men and your wilds, just like children,” Thena mused, cutting through the silence, but there was a glint in her eye. “But still—I’d quite like to know,” 

“See?” Kingo said, prompting nods of approval from Sprite and Phastos in Druig’s direction. 

“Collectively, we have the power to potentially take down a Celestial, but you all want me to look into her mind to see whether or not she’s shagged someone?” Druig asked for confirmation. You almost laughed. Kingo was the first to nod. 

“Absolutely,”

“Yeah,” Phastos joined in. 

Druig turned to you then, sending you a soft look. He angled his face down, as if to ask are you sure? 

I’m secure in myself now, Druig, you thought. 

He nodded in response. “Fine,” he said lowly. 

You waited for the feeling of his fingers filing through your thoughts. You waited for the sensation of another, rifling through your every thought and quip and memory—waited for him to let himself into your skull and close the door behind him. 

But he never did. 

The silence was deafening once more; Eternals were slipping on the edge of their seats. You only had eyes for him though, as he paused for dramatic effect, as he lied to a room full of the oldest people on this planet. 

“No,” he said softly, croaking out the words gently and swallowing down a feeling in his gut. “She’s not a damn virgin,”

“I knew it,” Sprite said with crossed arms. “Sweet and naïve my ass, Kingo,” 

“I stand corrected,” he admitted, sitting back in his chair and finally dropping the subject. 

Only yourself and Druig knew that he hadn’t looked though. You were having a silent conversation with him then, as everyone else went back to different conversations. His eyes were scanning your entire face, your cheeks, your nose, your lips. 

You liar. 

He tipped his head to the side, sending a smirk your way. “Didn’t need to see it to believe it,” he whispered. “Didn’t want to, either,”

You sent him a quizzical look. “Why?” you whispered back. 

He let out a long breath, smiling to himself. He shrugged. “Rather see it in person,” 

Your heart skipped. Druig stood, picking up his glass. “Who needs a refill?” he asked, leaving you sat there; speechless; and maybe—

A tad turned on. 

[jisungsmochi]

favorite crime - na jaemin

favorite crime - na jaemin 

this is the second installment for my SOUR series! you can read jeno’s one here! 

a little bad boy!jaemin x troubled (?) but still a ‘goodie goodie’ reader // strangers to friends to partner in crime to strangers again :/ 

word count: 7.2k 

summary: “It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we'd do

'Cause I was goin' down, but I was doin' it with you” 

who would have ever thought that, jaemin, the quiet boy you met in detention, would become your first love? getting involved with his shenanigans was probably the worst thing you could have done in your life. you were lucky enough to love someone like him, someone who excited you, scared you, and most of all, loved you back. but what happens when his actions suddenly have consequences? 

a/n: this summary sucks but i liked writing this alot,, explains why it took me so long to write it oops. 

tagging the bestie: @skrtbabe

//

Know that I loved you so bad

I let you treat me like that

I was your willing accomplice, honey

//

as you walked into the near-empty classroom, you made a beeline for the closest seat to the window. if you were going to be stuck in detention for two hours, you might as well have a nice view. you let out a short sigh to yourself, one hour and fifty eight minutes to go. the supervising teacher was lazily marking her class’ essays, completely choosing to ignore the entrance of na jaemin. he gave her a subtle scoff before stumbling past the desk, making his way to sit behind you. you heard him roughly place his bag onto the surface of his desk. you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to look back and see what he was up to. jaemin was always a mystery to you, and to everyone else in the school. despite keeping himself away from the majority, people had quite a lot to say about the boy. you heard rumours that he got stabbed (which you didn’t believe at all) but your classmate, haechan, insists he had video evidence. if anything, you don’t think you had ever spoken to jaemin in your entire life, but that was all about to change.

thirty minutes into detention and you were beyond bored. everybody was either catching up on school work or trying their best to not be caught on their phones. you opted to staring out the window, eyes following the movements of a particular butterfly. eventually, the butterfly decided it was time to leave your line of sight, causing you to let out a short huff. you heard a soft chuckle, belonging to the previously silent boy behind you. you slowly turned to face him, his eyes immediately latching to meet yours. he had his chin perched on top of his right palm, a cunning grin on his face. you gave him a glare,

“what are you laughing at?” you faintly whisper to him. this caught him off guard, he didn’t expect you to sound so stern.

“an explosion is about to happen” you grew to be more confused, what is he talking about?

“wha-“

“i’ll be right back! s-stay where you are!” your teacher suddenly blurts out, rushing out of her room as fast as she could. the rest of the students all looked over at eachother, some even opting to leave detention entirely.

you turned back to the snickering boy, who clearly had something to do with it.

“what the hell did you do?”

“put laxatives in her coffee” your jaw dropped, how the hell did he manage to do that?

“w-what’s wrong with you?”

“what’s wrong with you? learn to live a little” he suddenly stood up, slinging his bag across his body. his eyes still stayed on you, silently asking for you to follow him. this was one hell of a first impression. you weren’t sure what took over you in that moment, but you found yourself trailing behind na jaemin like a lost puppy as he led you both out of the school gates. he didn’t speak much to you, aimlessly walking to wherever the hell he needed to be.

“so what did you get into detention for?” he suddenly asked you, causing you to stiffen. you weren’t a stranger to getting into trouble, your short temper often being the root of your issues. but you weren’t exactly the most comfortable talking to new people.

“ah you’re a bit shy? i’ll start then, i stole lee haechan’s clothes after gym practice” he smirked to himself, feeling some sense of pride.

“that was you? he was running around school butt naked because of you” you couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of seeing two full ass cheeks after your history class.

“that’s what he gets for claiming that he has proof i got stabbed? which is ridiculous by the way” jaemin shakes his head before coming to a complete stop. you slightly bump into his right shoulder, quickly stabilising yourself before looking at the quiet cafe infront of you.

“hungry?” you nodded in response, following him into the cafe. he seemed to have known some of the workers, earning you a free croissant and hot chocolate.

“so, i told you why i got into detention, now it’s your turn” he chimed, clearly entertained by having you as company.

“i punched kim yuna in the face” you slightly cringed at your own words. you weren’t the one to be physical in your confrontations, but this girl really struck a nerve.

“sheesh, i saw her earlier, you gave her nose a good bruising, i must say” he couldn’t help but find the entire thing entertaining. this was so odd to you, every person that had witnessed it, thought you went crazy. but here jaemin was, laughing at the situation.

“you think this is funny?” you asked curiously, rather than in a judgemental manner.

“well yeah, i don’t know why you did it, but she probably deserved it” he shrugged, taking a bite of his own pastry. you felt your shoulders begin to relax, infact your entire demeanour had changed. jaemin was the only person that didn’t push you to admit your faults and apologise. he didn’t need to know the whole story, he just took your words for what they were.

the next hour consisted of you and jaemin, sharing stories on some of the mischievous things you had gotten up to in the past. from small things like setting off stink bombs during an exam, to running from the mall cops after stealing a pair of pants from a store. jaemin liked your reactions to his stories, at first your face would be full of shock, then turn into some sort of enlightenment. he found it quite endearing to watch. he wasn’t too bad on the eyes either.

“need me to walk you home?”

“i don’t need you to do anything for me” jaemin just smirked at your response,

“but i wouldn’t mind if you did”

“ah i see how it’s going to be”

“what do you mean?”

“our relationship, it’s going to be very push and pull” what on earth was he on about?

“you got that from just spending a few hours with me?” jaemin nodded, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

“i think we’ll be spending a lot of time together” was all he said back. if you had told yourself earlier that day, that you’d become na jaemin’s partner in crime, you’d punch yourself in the face. but this was only the beginning.

//

from that day onwards, you would purposely seek out jaemin’s presence. whether it be you walking to the most isolated parts of school, or simply trying to get into detention in the case he was there again. as a result of the laxative prank, jaemin had earned a two week long suspension. you had caught wind of this information from the school’s chatterbox, haechan. you’d think after being humiliated by jaemin, he’d keep his name out of his mouth.

you decided to visit the same cafe you accompanied jaemin to, incase he was hanging out there. you weren’t sure why you wanted to be around him so much. if anything, you were more at risk of getting another detention, or becoming a social outcast. but you were going to take those chances.

as you entered the cafe, your eyes scanned near and far for any sight of the black haired boy. you were about to give up, when you heard a voice,

“stalking me now?” you immediately froze, too nervous to turn back. you felt jaemin’s hand on your shoulder, slowly turning your around to face him.

“i-i no it’s not what it looks like-“

“it’s fine, you must have missed me, no?” he let a cocky grin land on his face. you just rolled your eyes, ready to walk right back out that door.

“let’s get up to some trouble today” he gripped your wrist gently, dragging you out of the cafe. he didn’t let go of you, once again, you were aimlessly following him. why did you let him do this to you?

jaemin wasn’t too much of a talker, he tended to try and speak with his eyes. you found it interesting, the way he expected you to know exactly what was on his mind. he eventually stopped walking after reaching an abandoned building. you were beginning to feel slightly anxious, noticing that the sun was slowly setting and the breeze was getting cooler. jaemin plopped his carry bag on the concrete floor, you heard clinking sounds erupt from the bag. he moved to pull out a few spray cans.

“ever graffitied?” you shook your head,

“not spray painting, but i’ve drawn some not so pleasant pictures in the bathroom stalls” you shrug as he handed you a can of bright yellow spray paint. he slightly chuckled at your anecdote, which made you look down at the ground.

“well you won’t get in trouble for messing up this place”

“what is this place anyway?” you start to shake the can, watching as jaemin started spraying onto the blank wall.

“somewhere i come when i don’t feel like going home” you weren’t sure if you wanted to press him to elaborate, so you just nodded, beginning to spray a random design of your own.

jaemin found hanging around you quite amusing. you were always up for anything he wanted to do. you seemed so cheerful about the simplest things, and never pushed him to explain the questionable things about himself. you were a lot different than the people he would usually surround himself with. but like many things in na jaemin’s life, they often went sour very quickly.

//

And I watched as you fled the scene

Doe-eyed as you buried me

One heart broke, four hands bloody

//

jaemin had asked you to accompany him to the abandoned building one night. you were half asleep and freezing to death as you approached his car. it was quite beat up, making you worried,

“is this thing even safe to be driving?” you groan as you wrap yourself in your large puffer jacket. jaemin had previously insisted you bring a sleeping bag and pillow. you chose not to question it, too tired to argue back with him.

“don’t disrespect my sweet ride! be grateful i didn’t make you walk in the cold” he scoffed before starting the engine. the car ride was fairly quiet, you were drifting in and out of sleep, in which jaemin noticed. he thought you looked so peaceful, so he tried his best not to make any sharp turns or run over many speed bumps. in a matter of time, he parked the car, gently wiggling your shoulder. you woke up instantly, feeling his cold hand on your cheek. you furrowed your eyebrows before following him out of the car. he led you to the same wall you both had graffitied on before, but this time, it seemed to have become a complete picture.

“i wanted to show you this! isn’t it cool?” he gleamed, pulling you to his side, slightly rubbing your shoulder to warm you up. you quickly ignored his touch, focusing back on the wall. it was a mirage of different doodles and words that must have meant something to jaemin.

“this is amazing, you did this all by yourself?”

“yeah, i really wanted to see your reaction”

“what does it all mean?”

“it’s kind of a representation of what goes on in my mind? i’m not the best with expressing my feelings with words, so i decided to let it out on this wall” jaemin spoke with such ease, his voice filling your ears with warmth. he pulled you closer to him when he saw you shiver,

“care to share?” you slightly joked. jaemin never got too deep with you, so you assumed he would brush the comment off. but he just stares back at you, his eyes piercing into your own. you held your breath as he leaned in closer to you.

“sure thing” he slowly leads you back to the car, turning on the heater as you both wrapped yourselves in sleeping bags. you were huddled up in the back seat, your head leaning on his shoulder as he played with his fingers.

“i never had an outlet for my imagination. my parents weren’t the most warm or loving people in the world. i barely remember anything from my childhood, except for the unpleasant memories. when i started hanging out with some of the older kids, they showed me the ropes of their crew. they taught me how to graffiti, how to carve things with a pocket knife, you know, basic seventh grade stuff” he let out a soft chuckle, but you didn’t laugh. instead you placed your hand over his, feeling the coldness shoot through your body.

“i-i don’t like showing how i feel. because i think it makes me weak, or pitiful. that’s a bad way of thinking, but i can’t help it. so i let out my frustrations here, by either spray painting or smashing random things. it’s nice to get it all out” he stops speaking, his posture suddenly stiffening. you lifted your head from his shoulder, forcing him to look over at you.

“i’m here to listen to you. you don’t have to result to destroying things in order to reveal your feelings. you can just talk to me next time, okay?” you assured him, tightening your grip on his hand. jaemin just nodded, his eyes faltering from yours. why were you so considerate towards him?

“wanna know why i punched yuna in the face?” you saw jaemin crack a smile, nodding frantically.

“she said some things about my family, how they only took me in because they felt sorry for me. see, i’m actually a foster kid, my real parents weren’t in the ‘right state of mind’ to take care of me. well, in the eyes of the law atleast” jaemin didn’t know how to respond, opting to pulling your head back into his shoulder.

“i know she was just trying to rile me up, my foster parents aren’t terrible. but hearing those words just struck a nerve. how can people be so judgmental?”

“that’s just life, love. everyone will always have their own opinions, but it’s up to you, on how to respond. or you can simply choose to ignore them, it’s always worked for me” jaemin started tracing small patterns on the back of your hand, feeling his eyes become drowsy.

“but i don’t want to always ignore my problems. i want to be able to face them, how else will i grow as a person?” you sighed,

“we grow each and every day, most of the time we don’t notice. you’re doing better than you think. sure, you’ll grow up soon enough, you’ll develop your own identity, but for now, enjoy the moment. don’t care too much about what others think, this is your life to lead” jaemin looked down at you, feeling a warm sensation reach his heart.

“for someone who doesn’t like speaking his mind, you sure give some great advice. promise we’ll be there for eachother?” you pull out your pinky finger from his grip, watching as he blinks for a few seconds. you sensed some hesitation, but blamed it on him being tired. eventually, jaemin linked his pink with yours, sealing it with a gentle press of his lips. you couldn’t hide how flustered you had gotten, burying your head in his chest as he started stroking your hair.

“thankyou for being with me tonight” he mumbled as he felt himself fall asleep,

“anytime”

//

sometimes jaemin would leave you hanging for days on end. at first you would get concerned, mainly for his own safety. you were never sure what he got up to in his spare time, and to be honest, you didn’t want to know. but after a certain amount of days, he would pop back into your life that nothing happened, as if no time had passed. today was one of those days. he was sitting on your bedroom floor, flicking through your history notes. you couldn’t pry your eyes away from him, he looked so peaceful.

“you’re so much smarter than me” he huffs, scratching his head as he closed your notebook.

“no way, i’m pretty average. you’re more street smart than i am” jaemin perks up at your words,

“i guess i am huh” he smirks to himself, making you slightly smile.

“i can help you study if you want, you need a pass, right?” you scooted over to him, sitting so that your shoulders brushed against eachother.

“well yes, technically. but passing doesn’t secure i’ll get into college. not that i can even go” he shrugs, eyes focused on his rings, beginning to fiddle with them.

“what do you mean?”

“i don’t have the grades, my parents barely have any money saved for my college fund. i don’t have a job, you see the issue here?” you sensed him stiffen up next to you, this topic clearly striking a nerve within him. you placed a hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it,

“you know college isn’t for everyone. i’m sure you will be able to live a good life” jaemin knew you were trying your best to cheer him up. but these were constant thoughts and struggles he had been dealing with for what seemed like a lifetime. he knew you would never fully understand, and he couldn’t be mad at you for that.

“y-yeah, i’ll be fine” he sighs, linking is fingers with yours. you worried about jaemin so much, it slowly began to take over your mind. you caught yourself thinking about him more often, how you wanted to be there for him during his dark times. but jaemin always shoved off the idea of getting too deep with his emotions. sure, he trusted you with most things, but there was always a thought in the back of his mind. you were way too good for him.

//

“what is this?” you smiled brightly at the boy standing across from you. he was leant up against your locker, gift bag in his hands, shoving it towards you.

“a token of my appreciation for our growing friendship” you chose to ignore the last word, your feelings towards jaemin still being undecided.

you slowly open the bag, your eyes landing on a small box. you furrowed your eyebrows, before opening it.

“t-this is beautiful, jaemin. how did you afford this?” you gasped, pulling out the shiny necklace from the delicate box. it was a silver chain, that sparkled under the light at just the right angle. there was a small pendent latched onto it, a butterfly.

“don’t worry about that, do you like it?” he grinned at you, taking in your ecstatic reaction,

“of course! i cant thank you enough!”

you pull him into a warm hug, arms tightening around his torso. jaemin chuckled softly, bringing his arms to wrap around your frame, slowly swaying you side to side.

“being there for me is enough, i promise”

//

The things I did

Just so I could call you mine

The things you did

Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

//

the following few days, jaemin went MIA again. you were beginning to become annoyed by his lack of communication. you wanted to believe he was gone for good reason, but something in your gut sensed something worse was happening. that’s when you decided to go to the abandoned building, remembering he often went there when he wanted to be alone. not having a car of your own caused many issues in your life. like right now, you were huffing and puffing once you hopped off your bicycle. you quickly set it aside, making your way to the building. before you turned to the main corridor that you met jaemin in many times before, you heard hushed voices, one belonging to the boy in question.

“we need this deal done asap. no excuses” a deep voice echoes through the building. you couldn’t get a good look at them without being caught, so you remained hidden behind a huge slab of concrete.

“b-but what if they think i’m scamming them because i’m new?” jaemin squeaked. you had never heard him so worried before.

“well you better think of some way to get them to buy, we can’t risk anymore losses. take this as initiation into the big boys club” what the hell was going on?

soon enough, the small group of men had left the building, walking past the concrete slab you were hiding behind. you let out a sigh of relief before rushing to jaemin. his eyes widened at the sight of you, part of him wanting to yell at you for being so stupid.

“what are you doing here?!” he was mad.

“i could ask you the same thing” you scoffed. jaemin suddenly became quiet, eyes avoiding yours.

“what’s going on? and i want the truth. the whole truth” he just sighed, dragging you back to his car. you folded your arms, in disbelief from what you had heard prior.

“i-i’m helping them with some deals okay? it’s just a side hustle to get some cash, i want to get out of this town. this is the only way”

“what are you dealing? drugs?” you gasped, watching as jaemin snapped his neck to face you.

“yes, it’s not as bad as you think-“

“not as bad? they’re literally part of a gang. do you know what happens to people who don’t seal these deals?” you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“i know the risks. but i’m desperate. i just need enough to buy an apartment in another city and finally start my life” jaemin doesn’t know why he’s bothering trying to explain this to you. he brushed his fingers through his hair roughly, letting out a groan as he did so.

“when i said there are ways for you to live a good life, i didn’t mean deal drugs. i meant get an apprenticeship or something! literally anything but this”

“there’s nothing you can do to change my mind. i already swore i’d do this deal. i need the money. you wouldn’t understand” jaemin struck back, feeling attacked by your words.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean? i-i can’t do this. come back to me when you’ve come to your senses. this is stupid and you know it” you rush out of his car, causing jaemin to trail behind you as you stumbled to find your bike.

“come with me” you stopped in your tracks.

“pardon?”

“come with me to the deal. i-i don’t want to go alone” he says barely above a whisper,

“you’re crazy if you think i’ll follow you like a lost pup-“ jaemin pressed his lips on yours, hands stuck to your waist, gently rubbing your sides as he deepened the kiss. your words became jumbled as he continued to kiss you. as much as you wanted to argue back with him, feeling his lips on yours was only something you had experienced in your dreams.

“please” he whispered, pulling away from you momentarily.

“o-okay” you whispered back, hands now on his shoulders. jaemin smirked with pride before pulling you in once again. he led you back to his car, dragging you into the backseat. he began trailing kisses down your neck, erupting a pleased sigh from you. and just like that, you were wrapped around his silly little finger.

//

you were now seated in the passenger seat of jaemin’s busted ass car. your nerves were off the charts, and so were his. you had never seen him so anxious before, he was breathing in quick successions and couldn’t stop shaking.

“just get it over and done with...okay? get in and get out” you try your best to ease his nerves but how much could you really say? you were encouraging him to commit to a drug deal, this was not how you expected your friday night to go.

jaemin just nodded, clutching onto something in his jacket pocket. he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, gently stroking your hair as he did so.

“thankyou for coming with me” he mumbled. you just nodded, trying to ignore your intense gut feeling that something was going to go wrong. he led you by your waist into the noisy bar. you kept your head down, allowing jaemin to gain sight of the clients. he didn’t let you approach the group of men, so you tried to distract yourself with a random fruity cocktail from the bar. it wasn’t enough to push aside your worries.

after what seemed like hours, you caught sight of jaemin, who seemed like he was in a rush. he quickly scooped you away from your seat, swiftly leading you out of the bar. before you could even open your mouth, he interjects,

“no time for questions, get in the car now” he harshly shoved you into the passenger seat. now you were more worried than before.

“what the fuck is going on?!” jaemin didn’t answer you, starting the engine of the car. before you could press him any further, the same group of men rushed out of the bar, eyes scanning for the boy next to you. this wasn’t good.

“may or may not have given them the wrong amount...nothing a little hide and seek can’t fix!” jaemin tried to laugh it off, but you knew he was equally as scared. his dingy car wouldn’t start, adding to the panic in the atmosphere. the group of men were already in their own vehicle, approaching jaemin’s car rather quickly.

“fuck fuck fuck” he began shouting, slamming his foot on the accelerator as the car hurled forward. in a matter of time, he was speeding down the street. he probably ran a couple red lights and a few stop signs, but he wasn’t fazed. you on the other hand, were about to throw up. jaemin kept taking sharp turns to throw off the car chasing you, he barely looked back. you were terrified in this moment. anything could go wrong, one wrong turn, and it could all be over. soon enough, he stopped right outside the all too familiar abandoned building. he was out of breath, the adrenaline still present in his system. you were completely frozen, still in shock at what had occurred.

“wasn’t that riveting?” he smirked. he fucking smirked?

“are you kidding me? that was fucking insane. d-don’t do this again. i don’t want any part of this anymore” you began tearing up, feeling your heart pump out of your chest. jaemin’s face dropped as he tried to hold your hand, in which you pulled away immediately.

“t-take me home. please.” he didn’t say anything back to you. he respected your wishes and took you home safely. you didn’t even want to think about the punishment he would receive from the gang for messing up the deal. the only thought of your mind was your own safety. jaemin risked your safety this time around. you would have done anything for him, but in this moment, you were beginning to regret it. na jaemin was trouble. and you needed to stay away from trouble.

//

staying away from na jaemin was harder than you thought. subtle glances from across the classroom or school courtyard wasn’t doing you any good. so you sought refuge in the library. somehow he managed to find you there too.

“y/n, please, talk to me” you continued to read the novel you weren’t interested in, trying your best to remain angry. he sat across from you, pulling down the book from your face, eyes begging to meet yours.

“there’s nothing left to say” he just sighs, never seeing you be so stubborn.

“i know what i did was wrong, i shouldn’t have put you in that posit-“

“can we please not discuss this here? where anyone can hear us?” you quickly interrupt him, pulling him to the school parking lot. out of habit, jaemin led you to his car, opening the passenger side door for you. you got chills as you sat in the seat once again, the memories flooding back.

“i-i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have brought you into it. i just didn’t want to be alone...you’re the only person who doesn’t make me feel alone.” jaemin could barely look at you, too embarrassed of being vulnerable.

“you know how i’m against what you’re doing. and i know i can’t change your mind. i just can’t keep worrying about your safety. it hurts me knowing that you could get hurt one day” you began sniffling, which made jaemin’s heart ache. he pulled your face to meet his own, staring at your soft features. he slowly guided his fingers to wipe away your tears.

“don’t worry too much about me, love. i’ll be just fine” he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and just like that, you were dragged right back into his arms.

“be careful” you whispered against his lips,

“always”

//

You used me as an alibi

I crossed my heart as you crossed the line

And I defended you to all my friends

//

jaemin wasn’t careful. not in the slightest. he showed up at your window, hands clutching to his lower torso area as he stumbled into your room. you hushed him to be as quiet as he could but you immediately knew something was wrong. he practically fell to his knees, soft whimpers and sighs leaving his mouth. you quickly moved to turn on your lights, taking a better look at the boy in pain. your eyes travelled along his face, covered in scratches and bruises.

“you good with playing medic tonight?” he joked, trying to relieve the tension. but you were not having any of it. you pulled him into your bed, allowing him to lay on his back. he had an array of cuts over his body, including a large gash on his lower lip. you swiftly rushed to the bathroom, grabbing your not so impressive first aid kit, but it would have to do for now. you tried your best to disinfect what you cold, until you reached his torso. you saw there were specks of blood leaking onto his t shirt, which made you more worried than you were initially. jaemin just sighed, lifting up his shirt slowly. your eyes were glued on the painful wound plastered on the right side of his body.

“d-did someone stab you?!” you felt tears prickle the side of your eyes. how could he be so stupid?

“n-no, its just a cut, it’s not even that deep” he tried to play it off, but the moment you pressed the cleansing wipe onto the wound, he winced.

“stop playing the tough guy. i hate when you play tough guy” you groan, trying your best to tend to his wound. jaemin watched as your expression changed from one of concern, to annoyance.

“hey, don’t be mad at me, okay?” he brought his hand to hover over your thigh, gently stroking his fingers on the surface.

“i’m sorry” he whispered, trying his best to sit up, but you immediately pushed him back down. you moved to lay next to him, allowing yourself to finally look him in the eyes.

“i can’t always be here to take care of you like this, jaemin. as much as i want to, there are going to be times where i just can’t. you have to understand that”

“of course, i didn’t expect you to be my personal nurse or anything. i just don’t want you to leave” his words sank deeply into your thoughts.

“i-i won’t leave”

“thankyou. i promise i will take you out and we will have fun. like old times. we can go on a road trip, or even that stupid homecoming dance you keep talking about. i’ll do anything to make it up to you because i ca-“ he immediately stopped himself, clutching his side.

“just get some rest, we can continue this discussion another day. goodnight jaem” you just sighed, turning on your back to face him. jaemin didn’t know why he couldn’t finish his sentence. he does care about you. more than anyone else in the world. but why couldn’t he just say it?

you on the other hand, were too busy imagining your future with jaemin. would he be there as your partner in crime for life? or was he just someone passing by to teach you a lesson? you weren’t too sure you wanted to find out.

//

“y/n, principal lee wants to see you in his office” your economics teacher informed you during class, eyes of classmates following you as you left the room. you swore you hadn’t done anything remotely mischievous lately, besides snatching a cheat sheet for the upcoming final.

“ah yes y/n, please take a seat” principal lee invited you into his office. you tried your best to stay focused on the stubby man in front of you but you couldn’t ignore the two police officers standing to the side.

“you wanted to see me, sir?”

“yes, these officers are here to ask you some questions. don’t worry, you aren’t in trouble. they just need some information for their investigation” he explains as best he could, shifting the conversation over to the two officers.

“as principal lee mentioned, we just need information. are you comfortable with us asking you a few questions?” you slowly nodded, hands beginning to clam up.

“we have reason to believe your friend, na jaemin, has been involved in an incident that occurred last thursday. he claims he was present with you that night. can you confirm this?” you immediately froze. you swore you didn’t even blink. that was the night he came to your window, all banged up a bruised. but you couldn’t tell them that part. so you went with a variation of the truth,

“yes, he was with me, we often study together and watch movies on thursdays.” you tried your best to maintain eye contact, not wanting to draw any more attention.

“have you noticed anything odd in his behaviour lately?” you knew they were just following protocol, but you weren’t prepared for any of this.

“not really. he is quite reserved naturally, but there hasn’t been anything too alarming, in my opinion” the officers just nodded, scribbling down your words.

“thankyou for your time, if we were to need any more statements from you, would you be okay with that?” you simply nodded, wanting nothing more than to get back to class.

“great, we’ll be heading off now, thankyou principal lee, and y/n” you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. what in god’s name happened that night?

“why were the cops coming out of the office? did you do something?” your friend, jimin asked you as she rushed to your side.

“n-no, they were asking about jaemin” you sighed. you didn’t want to tell her much, knowing she wasn’t his biggest fan.

“y/n, you have to stop hanging out with him so much. he’s bad news. i mean, he’s got the cops questioning you? is that someone you really want to be with?” you knew she had your best interest at heart, but she didn’t know jaemin like you did. no one did.

“don’t talk about him like he’s some pest in my life. he makes me happy, okay? i’d do pretty much anything for him” you huff, beginning to walk away.

“but would he do anything for you?” her words made you stop in your tracks. she was right to question that. god, even you questioned it sometimes. would he?

//

And now every time a siren sounds

I wondеr if you're around

'Cause you know that I'd do it all again

//

jaemin insisted he take you to the homecoming dance — he even pinky promised you.

“jaemin! i’m so excited for tonight, what time are you coming by?” you excitedly squeal into the phone, making jaemin slightly chuckle.

“uh love, i-i don’t think i can make it tonight” you felt your heart drop.

“what? why?”

“i have some business to take care of. i promise you i’ll take you out soo-“

“i think you should stop making promises you can’t keep. hope you have fun doing whatever you’re doing” you immediately hung up, wiping the stray tears from your face. you quickly pulled yourself together. showing up alone to the homecoming dance after you told your friends you were going with jaemin, was probably one of the most embarrassing things you had ever experienced. they all felt pity for you, dragging you to dance, trying to get you to forget about jaemin. but nothing was working. you were beyond disappointed, partially in yourself, for believing he could actually keep his promise.

the moment you got home, you saw someone sitting on the steps just outside your front door. you let out a loud sigh, hoping he heard everything. you wanted to push right past him and go to bed, but jaemin trapped you in his arms. you felt something was off about him. he was stiff as a board, he didn’t say anything to you. you finally got a glimpse of his face, his right eye was swollen and there was a slight gash on his cheek. you immediately gasped, all your anger towards him had fizzled away.

“w-what happened?” you barely whispered, bringing your hand to the side of his face. jaemin winced as he felt the touch, quickly pulling away.

“finally got what was coming” he tried to laugh it off, but he knew you weren’t going to laugh back. instead, you allowed him to follow you to your room, hoping your parents were fast sleep.

jaemin slowly made his way to sit on your bed. you felt like he had something else he was hiding from you, but your main focus was yet again, tending to his wounds.

“i’m getting some real déjà vu right now” you sighed, cleaning his face. jaemin tried his best to not move, but everything stung. he really got it bad this time.

“i’m sorry for breaking my promise. i know how much the dance meant to you” he softly muttered, eyes avoiding yours.

“i-it’s okay”

“no it’s not! you do so much for me, and i couldn’t even do this one thing for you. i feel so shitty. why do you even keep me around? i’m deadweight and that’s trouble for someone with wings” he scoffs, replaying harsh words he had heard from others in the past. you slowly plucked away the medical kit, turning to face him properly. (a/n: not me using a quote from the show ‘panic’)

“you’re not deadweight...you’re a good person, jaem. you’re good to me, that’s what matters” you gently push away the stray strands of hair that covered his forehead. he smiled at your touch, leaning into your palm as you brought it to cup his cheek.

“i love you”

you almost choked on your own saliva...he loves you?

“w-what?”

“yikes, not the response i was hoping for” he yet again, tried to relieve the tension with a joke. but you weren’t having any of it.

“can you be serious for one minute in your life? you can’t just say something like that and not expect me to freak out! i mean, do i love you too? of course i do! i would be stupid not to, but jaemin, you cant just spit that out of nowhere!” you began pacing around your room, which made jaemin smile even wider.

“well i just did. and i mean it” he stood to meet you, standing in the middle of your room as he held your shoulders in place.

“s-so what happens now?” jaemin hesitated for a moment, did he just ruin everything?

“we can’t be together”

“pardon?”

“i-i can’t do that to you. i can’t let you be with someone like me. i’m constant danger. the cops are going to get me one day, and i don’t want you to see it happen” he started rambling, you were barely understanding anything.

“this makes no sense. you’re telling me that you love me but you can’t be with me? why would you do this to me?” you started sobbing,

“i-i don’t expect you to understand. i just needed to tell you before...” he paused, pulling you closer to him. but you pushed yourself away. you didn’t want to hear anymore but forced yourself to listen. you needed answers.

“before what?” you gritted through your teeth,

“before i leave” your eyes widened, tears stopped flowing for a moment. you couldn’t make out any words, allowing jaemin to explain,

“i cant stay here, not in this town. i need to go somewhere else. somewhere they won’t find me. somewhere i can start over” he sighed, sitting back down on your bed.

“take me with you! we can go tonight, i don’t care where i am, as long as you’re with me i’ll be okay!” you begged, pulling out your duffel bag from under your bed. but jaemin quickly gripped your wrists, pulling you to sit with him on the bed.

“y-you can’t come with me. it’s not fair on you, or me. i want you to have a better life, a life with no regrets. you have so many goals, i can’t hold you back from them. i won’t” he insisted, holding your hands in his as he pleaded you with his eyes. you weren’t thinking straight, everything became so overwhelming.

“why are you doing this to me? i cant do this without you! i cant get through all of this without you. please don’t leave” your hands began to shake. jaemin brought them to his lips, placing soft pecks on each knuckle in an attempt to calm you down.

“you can. i know you can. because you’re you. an incredibly loyal, intelligent and courageous person. you don’t need me. if anything, i need you more” he smirked at the last part. you kept shaking your head, not believing anything he was saying.

“just promise me one thing?” he whispered, leaning in closer to you so that your foreheads touched.

“don’t forget me. don’t forget all the things we got up to. i had so much fun with you, more fun than i’ve had in my entire life. i can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. i love you, okay? i’ll always love you” finally, he kissed you. his hands dragged to your waist, rubbing over the soft skin. you shined into the kiss, partially still upset with his departure.

“can we just have one last night together?” you pulled away, wiping away the rest of your tears. jaemin softly nodded, pulling you down onto the bed, wrapping his arms around you.

“thankyou for being my partner in crime. i’ll miss you” he sighed, gently scribbling random doodles on your arm with his fingers.

“i miss you already. maybe one day, we’ll meet again? i don’t know, am i being silly?” you didn’t want him to answer, afraid he’d break another promise.

“you’re not silly at all. we’ll see what life has planned for us” he responded. that was enough for you. you’ll leave it up to fate. you were just happy you were spending one last night with the boy you loved so dearly.

//

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we'd do

'Cause I was goin' down, but I was doin' it with you

Yeah, everything we broke and all the trouble that we made

But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Oh, look what we became

//

you awoke the very next morning in an empty bed. your heart sunk, knowing jaemin was gone had finally hit you. your eyes drifted to where he once was, landing on a piece of paper.

‘go to the building for one last goodbye. i hope you like it.

- jaem <3 ‘

you quickly got changed and rushed there as fast as you could. would he be there to bid you farewell? you weren’t betting on it, but was still curious as to what he had to show you. you made your way into the building, your eyes cascading over all the graffiti. finally, you saw exactly what he left for you. he painted over the mural you both worked on. it had been replaced with a painting of a butterfly. its wings were all different colours, you could tell he spent ages on it. you finally reached the bottom of the artwork, a small inscription was engraved,

‘for the one with the wings, keep on soaring’

“so cheesy, i hate it” you joke to yourself, smiling at his words. this was his final gift for you. as you admired the painting once again, memories of all your little adventures came rushing back. everything you did together seemed like an eternity ago. although you wished you had confessed to him sooner, or kissed him harder, you knew that he was gone for good. jaemin wasn’t the time to keep many promises, so you’ve learnt. you started to put your faith in the universe. if you were meant to be, then you would meet again. but for now, you were content with everything you had gone through together. you were grateful to have known someone as amazing as jaemin, and you would never take that for granted. you only hoped he would do the same, no matter where you both were in life. you hoped you could both grow wings and soar through life without any regrets.

[hugespace]

Therapy helps rhett realize that all of those "I'm dead" UFC moves were actually just a way to fulfill his need for physical intimacy at a time in his life where he didn't feel it was acceptable to ask for it, especially from another man. Now that they're both adults and completely different people than they were in college, rhett decides it's time to explain it all to link and let him know that he actually misses that physical contact with him.

It took me a really long while, but I finally finished this one! I really loved that prompt, so thank you so much for giving it to me, lovely Anon. I was initially going to write it as a platonic/romantic friendship kinda story, but it seems I'm determined to write a hundred different first kiss + feelings realisation scenarios, I simply enjoy those way too much.

*** 2,5K ***

Let me hold you

He’s done it again.

Not so long ago, Rhett promised himself not to bring it up in front of cameras or a microphone unless he talks it out with Link, privately.

Especially not as a joke.

And he’s failed already, he scolds himself short after the Ear Biscuits episode is recorded and they’re both out of the room, heading back towards their office.

He thinks he could have just omitted it, shouldn’t have mentioned anything. It simply wasn’t necessary to mull over it again, even with the topic of the episode revolving around their college experience. It wasn’t a big deal, he said it himself, countless times. Every time they talked about it on the show.

So, every time.

There’s never been a conversation in private about that incident or anything that preluded it, never in the absence of people to entertain, never not around at least one recording device. Because why would there be? It wasn’t a big deal. A funny story, s’all.

He’s also never been able to just let things go, though, and thanks to that inability, the lore of wrestling and the “I’m dead” move had to live on. It was an innocent story, a funny albeit embarrassing one – their unofficial brand after all, an easy misunderstanding and a fun little anecdote, not his carefully curated version of what happened, nor a watered-down one, not just a part of the entire story devoid of any feelings associated with it, not a big deal-! And most of all, not… true. Not true.

Rhett isn’t sure if Link has been consciously going along with that wordlessly agreed upon version of what their UFC phase looked like, repressing the truth behind it, or… simply never realised what it meant for Rhett and genuinely thought of it as a humorous yet insignificant part of their friendship in the past.

Most likely the third option, he has to assume. After all, why would Link attach any meaning to it? It’s not like anything actually ever happened, not outside of Rhett’s mind at least. Frankly, he himself went decades without understanding his own motivations, more than once confused by why the memories of wrestling with his friend and laying on top of him felt both shameful and deeply comforting. Why even long after they grew up, stopped being kids, and as a result retired all their UFC moves, the only way he could describe what he felt thinking about that time was longing.

Until therapy happened.

Just like with many different things in his life:

There was something in the darkness, and then therapy shone a light on it.

It was like there were countless situations he navigated solely on instinct, without paying much thought to the reasons behind why he acted a certain way, and once therapy equipped him with the ability to do so, he unearthed an entire deep layer of feelings and emotions that were always there. Just hidden, even from himself.

The wrestling being one of those things.

So, he thinks Link doesn’t know.

And he’s finally determined to change that.

Why now, when he’s had so many chances to talk to Link over the years ever since he started being more in touch with himself? He doesn’t really have an answer; it’s just that after talking about it with such levity again, after repeatedly making a joke out of it, it feels like he might explode if he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t confess to Link what it was really like. And most of all, it feels like the yearning has become stronger lately, and the conversation yet again playing it all off as them being young and silly only ignited it, made the flame inside of Rhett burn brighter, threatening to make his heart combust.

“I need to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind.” Rhett says easily once they’re in the office. It’s not an unsure statement or a nervous plea with words tumbling out of his mouth before he can lose his cool and change his mind. It would have been all that and more a couple of years ago, sure.

But he’s a different man now. He’s not afraid to tell the person who’s been with him for almost the entirety of his life what he feels.

Link, however. He does look unsure, a bit alarmed even, when he looks at Rhett and responds.

“Sure-? What is it? Do you wanna talk now?”

It’s just like him to worry. Run a hundred different scenarios in his head, most of them negative, trying to prepare himself for every possible outcome of a serious conversation before it even began. It’s an anxious survival instinct that makes Link resilient to even the worst that life has to offer and able to face it all head on. But right now, it’s nothing scary. Rhett doesn’t want his friend to be worried, so he quickly says as much.

“Don’t worry, s’not bad. Just something we talked about on the podcast today.” The blonde sits down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him, hoping he appears to be as calm as he truly feels inside and that it might dissolve some of Link’s concern, still written all over his face.

The other man takes his place on the sofa and looks at him expectingly.

“Right. So-“ Rhett’s calmness doesn’t completely evaporate once Link gives him his full attention, but it’s suddenly laced with some nerves. “About the wrestling. You know, in college. And before that. And- Especially about my ‘I’m dead’ move. I’ve been thinking about it, and-“

“Rhett, I swear, if you made me sit down for a talk only to tell me you’d like to make it a part of our conflict resolution again, then ha-ha. Very funny. I’d like to go get myself some coffee now.” Link cuts him off with an unamused look in his eyes and almost makes a move to stand up.

Rhett is quicker though and grabs the brunette’s arm before he can really move, effectively making him stay in place.

“What? No. That’s not what I’m saying. Like, at all. I-“ He realises he’s still holding onto Link’s arm and instinctively wants to retract his hand, but that same feeling that led him to initiating this conversation in the first place makes him reconsider. “I’ve been thinking about what it all meant and why I did that, especially when we fought or you were angry with me, and-“

“Because we were young.” Link quickly answers what wasn’t even a question. “We had too much energy and neither of us really wanted to hurt the other by punching him or- or fighting in earnest. What else would it mean.”

“Link can you let me talk? I’m trying to say something important.” Rhett squeezes Link’s forearm. “So, as I was saying. I mostly did it when you were angry or I was feeling unsure, and I didn’t realise it back then, but- But I know now, that I just… needed reassurance. You know, physical contact.” He explains, looking straight into Link’s eyes and trying to interpret his reaction before it comes.

When nothing happens, and the brunette just stares back at him with a furrowed brow, he feels compelled to continue and elaborate.

“Like when people… hug after an argument-?” His brain almost challenges him to make a different comparison, presenting a parallel between laying half-naked on top of your best friend and another activity people often partake in to make up after a fight. But that’s not- It’s not what he’s trying to say. It’s not like that.

The face in front of him frowns in confusion, blue eyes squinting and mouth opening and closing again, only letting out a puff of air and no sound at first.

When Link finally responds, his voice is unsure, like he suspects that he’s not understanding something right. “Are you trying to tell me you wanted to hug me when we bickered, so you pushed me to the floor and laid on me till I was even angrier, instead…?”

That’s not fully what Rhett meant, but it’s close enough, so he nods.

“What the crap, Rhett-? You're not making any sense.”

“Okay, listen…” He decides to go for a different approach. “We still don’t hug after arguments. We never hug hello. I think I could count on my fingers how many times we’ve actually hugged each other as adults, outside of the show!”

“Yeah! That’s just not what we do! We’ve never done those things, it’s just not a part of our relationship- I still don’t know what you wanna tell me here Rhett.” Link throws his hands in the air in a gesture of resignation.

“I want it to be a thing we do, okay?! I always did, but I was afraid to ask for it so I just took what you could give me without talking about it. Can’t have actual intimacy? Make up a UFC thing so I can be close to you! Can’t hold you when I’ve made you mad? Better lay on top of you till you give up and have no choice but stop!” Rhett pauses to finally take a breath.

“That time that guy saw us- I’m sure you remember I stormed off right after-? I panicked, it was like him seeing us and thinking there was something else happening almost made feel like it was something else, and since I started it, it also felt like I wanted it to be something else. I got so angry at myself for even trying and I never did it again. I’m sure you remember that, too!” Words flow out of Rhett in a hurried and increasingly loud cascade, while Link’s eyes grow bigger and comprehension dawns on his face.

“I know how stupid it sounds. But you know how I was. We were well into our thirties when I still refused to get close to you. And it’s not that I didn’t want to, it was the opposite – I wanted it a lot, man.”

„But I thought...?” Link seems to be turning a thought over in his head. “I thought you just never liked it. That the wrestling thing was about you… asserting dominance. That’s what it felt like at least. Like you trying to act like an older brother or somethin’.”

“No- It was me wanting to be close to you and not knowing how to ask for it. My very convoluted way of expressing love, you could call it. And I’m sorry it took me-“

“What changed-? I mean, what made you wanna talk about it?” There’s urgency in Link’s voice when he cuts Rhett off.

“I… I realised I miss it. I told you, we still don’t really hug or get intimate, however that sounds, and I’m not gonna just topple you and pin you to the ground again. We’re too old for that. For once, I don’t think either my back or your shoulders would survive if we started wrestling every time I wanted to be affectionate. But also- We’re over forty, Link. What does it say about me if I can’t just ask a person I love and have loved for almost four decades to hold me when I need it and would resort to, well, aggression-? That’s not how it should work.”

Link ponders Rhett’s words for a few beats before opening his mouth again, only to let three breathy words escape. “You love me-?”

It seems like the wrong thing to focus on, Rhett just opened up to say he not only craves physical intimacy now, but also struggled with that same need when they were younger so badly, he had to invent an entire intricate system allowing him to be closer, and Link questions the one thing he knows already. Because of course he knows, Rhett’s said as much dozens of times, of course he loves him. But it appears he has to say it anyway, judging from the weird look in Link’s eyes.

“I do, of course I lo-“ The blonde begins, yet he doesn’t get a chance to finish and ask whether Link heard the other part of his confession at all, because at once, his mouth isn’t free to keep talking and there’s no air left in his lungs as the man who was just sitting right next to him plunges forward and collides with him, lips first.

Oh. Rhett manages to form one more coherent thought despite being startled and entirely taken aback. Link misunderstood. That’s why he got hung up on the love confession. That’s not what Rhett meant, that’s not what he was trying to say, it’s not like that-

He feels like he should clear things up as quickly as possible. Logically, he should be panicking, racking his brain for a way to straighten things up, to explain to Link that it wasn’t what he was trying to say without making things worse, without ruining everything and making his best friend feel miserable and embarrassed, until…

Until Rhett realises his body went rogue and started responding without his conscious decision, his lips are moving against the other man’s, one of his hands is cupping Link’s face, while the other strayed away and is caressing his back. And it feels like his heart is trying to break out of the ribcage with how hard it’s pounding in his chest, along with his stomach doing wild summersaults. And he’s not panicking, not at all. And it’s not a misunderstanding, how could it, when he loves Link with his entire soul, with his whole being- And exactly like that, it hits him. Starting this conversation, he thought he already understood everything, but he didn’t– there was still that last puzzle piece missing.

They come up for air, panting from the intensity of that first kiss, foreheads flush with each other. Rhett finishes the sentence he began before Link’s move changed everything. “Of course I love you.” He means it now, he means it exactly like Link took it and can’t comprehend how he didn’t think of it before, but it’s perfectly obvious now.

So he hugs Link. He encircles the man’s body with his long arms, squeezes, and holds him, feels his friend snuggle into him, nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck and breathe deeply, holding Rhett's larger body in return.

All he needed was ask for the closeness.

He asked, and he got it.

He got all he wanted and so much more.

So, so much.