#talk about hashtag relatable
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fun and funnyyy side effect of autism is that sometimes when you fail the social check ppl just assume you want to kill people
#autism#doodles#im p sure this is a universal experience.#my fbi neighbor as a kid was convinced i was gona one day be a mass shooter#a lot of ppls idea of a ''red flag'' is just ''doesnt behave normally & within my expectations'' without actually doing anything wrong#ive seen ppl get callouts over just general ''off'' behavior being labelled as ''toxic and manipulative'' etc#idk. hashtag relatable for the autistics. for everyone else like. actually be aware of this#cos i feel like this is a lesser talked about type of stigma that we get
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Sebastian had a few days leave from duty so he visited Eloise😇😇
#im literally OBSESSED with Eloise😩#and this AU😇🙏#they are maybe late 20s/early 30s here I wanted to experiment a bit#anyways I was reading A Little Life at the beach today#and ngl I was tearing up literally ALL the time!!! 😤😤😤#it’s just so beautifully written & I find myself relating so heavily and I get gut punches every few pages where I need to stop reading#and just process it#idk maybe I am sentimental today LOL#It’s just…it’s making me think about the fact that I’ve never really Belonged in any one place and neither have the characters#my mom is the product of Bulgarian/swedish immigrants to the US and my dad is a Spanish pueblo man 😂#and their experiences/culture/languages etc etc have shaped my life soooooooo much🙏#but like at the same time. too reserved to truly fit in with the Spanish but too open/blunt for the midwest#idk it is weird to explain#anyways I just keep moving forward & make my own way🙏🙏🙏#thank you for coming to my free Therapy Session in the hashtags (bc nobody reads these😂😂😂😂)#also if you did & you also read a little life please🙏 or if you want to talk about books in general🙏🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#oh also this is a recreation of a Porco Rosso scene😇😇🙏🙏#but I changed the colors a LOT & also a bit more when I sketched it up
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wet beatles jumpscare 😔
#wet beatles jumpscare 😔#from 'keen teen' april 1965#got this issue to read a huge article talking about the animals' wmca good guy-related stuff 👀👀👀#there are some g o o d photos to go along with that article..... though hilton and chas may disagree#got jumpscared by wet beatles though 😔🙏 i had to do a double take to make sure i was looking at george#at least the article itself doesn't use the word 'beatle' as a prefix every other word like my issue of 'teenville'#they were in sydney here right??? so no ringo.... guess jimmy got wet too 😔🙏#george harrison#paul mccartney#john lennon#mclennon#because i'm sure y'all love your wet mclennon#the beatles#not a second mag#the stones were on the cover of this which was really cool!!!!#also eric and alan touched shoulders in one of the photos so that's a hashtag win for me 🙏🙏🙏#i'll post the animals photos sometime soon because eeEEE I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM ANYWHERE BEFORE
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i'm always a polyshipper before anything else bc my own found/created family is a polycule & i base all my (healthy) written relationships off various irl dynamics of mine. i'm genuinely curious how opinions of my fave toh polyship skew amongst people here. answers to this poll will not change the way i post about them or how annoying i am about them though.
#please do not ask questions about whether the ship is hashtag problematic they are very very very tiring as a polyamorous person.#hunter and amity are typically metamours or qprs within this polycule;#hunter and luz can be either qprs or romantic depending on the author/artist;#them being romantic is not incest because they are not related did not grow up together and do not share a guardian.#ok questions Unrelated to these three things might be fine. i just know what the kneejerk discourse is and it is. So So So So So Tiring.#did my time in another fandom with a polycule involving a gay man and a woman as metamours and u would not BELIEVE#the level of viciousness hate discrimination and straight-up evil bigotry. i just Really Dont Wanna Do It For This Fandom#now that that soapbox is over. THEY#CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THEM. IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT THEM I WANNA TALK ABOHT THEM ALL THE TIME#toh#lavender winter
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#having friends =w=bbb making friends =3=pppp#also i have decided on a whim that maybe i dont likee my job rn soo ive send my stuff to another place lol :3#(<- guy he had a mancrush on left his current work) SHUT UPP no thats not it :)#but also i need a chillpill and not be mr. grindset for. a job. like i am currently#will i be able to turn it down if i go somewhere new?? props not. hashtag autism#ok wait this is no longer related to the post whoopss#like thats new =w=#sillyposting#anywayyy about possible new job.#this was also the first job i applied for wayy back (three years or so idk) before i had any work experience.#other than this and my current job ive not applied for anythingg so were not in NEW territory yett ig.#somehow the scary part isnt. a new job. it'll be quiting my currentt.....#i dont wanna my boss is pretty nice and its. okay to work at but T-T#i cant be here forever..... i shant......#its fine im sure he'll understand maybe....#waughhh im so not looking forward to having to talk about that T-T (<- isnt even sure if he has to)
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getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now
#red rambles#my psychiatrist wants to put me on anxiety medication to help me sleep because she thinks the issue with me sleeping and stuff is ptsd rela#related and I CANT REALLY ARGUE??? i dont think it is and as far as im concerned i dont feel anxiety at all but like I CANT REALLY ARGUE. i#keep thinking about it because to be completely honest this pisses me off more than i can express in words and ive been gnashing my teeth#about it all afternoon and like i dont think 'i have to play loud and abrasive music at night or else i jerk awake at every sound and can't#convince myself it was nothing and also have auditory hallucina#oh fuck. lmfao i forgot to mention that.#she was even talking about how auditory hallucinations are a lot more significant and i do just kind of have low grade auditory hallucinati#all the fucking time i just dont pay attention to them because i play music and ignore it. hashtag mentally healthy and sound#like im fine the last time i heard a coherent Voice telling me to coherent Do Things i was like 17 lmfao#but i sure do hear footsteps that aren't and breaking glass that isnt and indistinct human voice murmuring sounds that arent all the time#........ fucking i dont feel like emailing her to be like hi i forgot to mention this because i am so good at tuning it all out.#if its that big a deal it'll start mattering for realsies and if its not ill just let it lie until next appointment#ANYWAY THAT DOES KIND OF SOUND LIKE THE BEHAVIORS OF AN ANXIOUS PERSON. A LITTLE.#the jerking awake if there are noises and making up noises to jerk awake to bit. specifically#but also like it doesnt scare me it just makes me wake up and then i am awake and going 'what??? bhuh???' and then im mad im awake but#im not scared very often. it takes a lot. ignore that the last time i got significantly capital s scared was like two weeks ago i thought m#friend's house was on fire and they were about to go to sleep and die. thats a reasonable situation to be freaked out in#ANYWAY THIS PISSES ME OFF REALLY BAD. I DONT LIEK IT.
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#my professor is definitely not punishing us for not talking in her synchronous zoom class#by making us read Freire#who else has been there#hashtag relatable#slav#slav every day#voltron#basically Freire is all about collaborative learning and discussion based classrooms#so her stopping our normal coursework to read Paulo Freire#is a not so subtle sign
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standing outside an rp server like ohhh you could make friends in there you haven’t made new friends in four years you could try that and the Fear keeps saying you IDIOT they’re all gonna know you FAIL RP since you haven’t done your CRINGE RP since MIDDLE SCHOOL but the Hope says heyyy man it’s fine just learn. we want friends right and I’m running around in circles like a confused dog outside the door
#does this make sense#is this hashtag relatable#I’ve realized I need more than 3 people to talk to perhaps#🐟#fish. of course#thinking about offering art like a pill coated in peanut butter
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I just wanna talk.
#poetry#relatable quotes#breakup quotes#poets corner#short poem#poets on tumblr#young poets#writeblr#writer#lovelorn#can we talk about this#i miss you#ex friends#exes#let’s talk#spilled words#spilled ink#who reads hashtags
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for the longest time I saw people tear sotsugou apart, specifically talking about how "it redeemed Teppei and had Satoko lie about the abuse!" as if it was some godawful "don't believe victims/what if the abuser was the real victim all along!" message that shits on the original story. finally got to watch it for myself. it actually turned out to be one of the most realistic and resonant portrayals of retraumatization/revictimization I've seen. and not only are those Not the messages, that summary is an inaccurate oversimplification of the situation, and it doesn't backtrack on the themes or Satoko's arc at all but reinforces the point that it made. OK
#ngl. sotsugou has flaws but it feels like people go out of their way to engage with this show in the worst faith possible for no reason#and I'm a bit miffed that people talk about this in particular like its so hashtag problematic and bad abuse victim rep#cant speak for everyone etc but i related to it more than i would have liked to. so it kinda feelsbad to think about that.
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Modern book readers when their characters aren't literally a clone of Jesus Christ Himself starting at Chapter 1
#you know even good people can do fucked up shit right#Or commit less than desirable actions right#Or be illogical#you know negative traits can't always be made into something endearing#Or 'hashtag relatable' in a quirky way right#sometimes a good person has a negative trait that is a detriment to people around them#Idk I'm thinking about how much modern content has changed from even when I was a kid and it feels like it's for the worst#Sure it's more inclusive and that's great#No complaints there obviously#But why is everything almost dumbed down or regurgitated progressive talking points#Granted I may be not looking in the right places so it's fair if you “um ackshually” me#I'm sure the world is much better and smarter than I feel like it is right now#i just needed to vent#HAHA ANYWAY#books#books and reading#reading#I am notoriously bad when it comes to finding things
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inside you there are two wolves. one of them knows it's shitty to expect people to be Good Victims™ and express frustration Correctly™ so as not to offend those who haven't personally harmed them. the other knows that all the sound theory in the world won't make people like or want to listen to you when you are mean to them. you are very tired of reading vague guilt trippy posts about how people should've known about something sooner
#i guess this is in light of recent events but lets be real guilt tripping ppl for that is pretty much a staple of this site#'i see yall not reblogging this' no you very specifically don't#youre acting like you have a checklist of all your followers and are going through it checking if theyve reblogged the#reblog if youre not a homophobe post#which would be insane because. yknow. someone following you doesnt mean they automatically see every single thing you post?#it's a meaningless statement because Not Reblogging Is The Default#you can't blanket assign values to the things people Don't post because that list is Literally Infinite because You Have No Way Of Knowing#What Posts They See#'i see yall not reblogging anything about xyz' like ok are you criticizing them for not following the kinds of people that discuss#things like that or do you legit assume that just because You talk about it and they follow you they Must have seen it and deliberately not#shared it due to bigotry#because if its the first one you know you can just say That right?#and if its the second i dont rlly know what to say there beyond You Are Not The Main Character#thats also why ive never really understood people adding onto hashtag hot takes with 'i just lost x followers because of this'#like it just comes across as i guess the same general concept of virtue signalling? not the right wing version but like the actual one#its like 'this take was so hot a bunch of bigots got mad and ran away‚ look how good my take is'#when its like . do you make before and after lists between each post and go and check the blogs of the people who left to see#that their politics are ones that would make them drop you over that#or did A Number that changes all the time happen to go down Around the same time you posted a thing and you assumed they must be related#like. yeah losing followers for things you post Happens and can be seen happening sometimes but like#on the scale of 'streamer loses thousands of followers after announcing she has a boyfriend'#not . a random tumblr blog losing a literal handful of followers#like. how often are you checking your follower count to be able to trace hyperspecific trends like that#and do you think maybe that obsession with follower count might have some affect on the way you treat other people#and like yes you /can/ learn a lot by looking at the full picture of what someone chooses not to address when given the option#but that works more in relation to like. politicians and rich people dodging questions about touchy issues or your friend refusing to#watch shows with female leads without saying anything directly bad about women#less so on social media. n even then its more 'u talk abt this group often but exclusively criticism‚ never neutral or positive stuff'#negative space is defined by whats around it‚ it cant be about the notes you don't play if you don't play Any notes to begin with#btw i want to be clear that i have been aware of the bans for a long time‚ so this isnt 'stop making me feel bad abt a bad thing i did:(('
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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Since I'm especially on a tear about this: I also wish people who claim to enjoy fictional women would ask themselves if they still take an interest in female characters when those characters are not specifically designed to be universally-liked?
#I'm not talking about 'women who are not good people'#I'm not even talking about 'women who are a mess/extremely flawed' necessarily#I'm talking about women who were not meant to be hashtag relatable and just exist in the story as they are#whose function is not just to be as palatable as possible.#like...are you normal about women when you don't directly relate to them basically. are you normal about them when the point isn't to#cater to you#hold on I'm going to go find a post real quick. it talks about misogynoir and fandom racism which are NOT the same as general#misogyny. but I think about that post a lot and it exemplifies a lot of what I'm trying to say when I talk about how people discuss#characters and discuss fiction in general#mel screams about fictional ladies again#and I know that this is The Women Blog and that's the reason a bunch of you are here. so I don't really know what me talking about this is#really going to accomplish after a certain point because if the people watching me scream into the void didn't on some level already#care or know this they probably wouldn't be following me or looking through my blog?#but I do also need to Uncork My Thoughts™ sometimes and unfortunately that usually means flinging them at tumblr lmao
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listen ik we’re all entitled to have opinions about classic who but if one more modern production member talks shit about the 80s run I’m gonna have to chew glass
#that six clip pissed me off#because if I’m right that’s from vengeance on varos#and if you talk shit about that ep imma throw handsss#yes this is about the Phil collinson/ Julie gardener clip on the doctor who and me rtd documentary#like ik the show did have a fall in ratings etc#it was a production mess!!!!! and a bit hashtag cringe sometimes!!!!!#but it also created some of the best serials ever produced fight me#like the 2000s series were such high art#I watched s2 fuckers don’t act like you’re above it all#sorry I’m classic who discoursing but I’m CROSS#keep sixey’s name out your fucking mouth#doctor who#like ik it’s fun to take the piss out of the Chibnall clip because it’s funny#but he was just a teenage hater man I can relate#a literal kid being shady is different from three big shot tv producers/staff talking shit yn?#also I can’t roast chibs too much because as much as power of the doctor was a mess it gave me the purest shot of seratonin I’d had in ages#(Paul McGann in a tv ep)#so yeah#respect your elders people
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Pacing back and forth rapidly rambling to my parents like a mad man trying to figure out whether or not I experienced sexism at film school today or if these guys are just assholes in a different way
#ramblings of a lunatic#like they made a couple comments about how one woman in the department (who's always stressed bc she has a busy job)-#-clearly doesn't ''like guys'' and gave them the wrong equipment to set them up for failure (??? okay???)#and proceeded to organise things so that. none of the other members (who were all girls and here's where i can't tell if it's coincidence)#-had ANYTHING to do on set. like didn't ask them to set up tripods (we all went to thr class where you learn to set up tripods...)#didn't ask them even to hold things or plug things in (they did ask me but only bc i spoke up and volunteered multiple times)#didn't even really talk to us much bc they were off in their own world setting up equipment (that we didn't need btw)#and i can't tell if they were just really focused or being exclusionary!#and i don't think there's a clear answer to any of this. if it did happen it's almost definitely unintentional.#it might've just been bad optics. again unintentional. and i don't know how the other girls felt or if they were bothered#so i can't claim to speak to collective experience#I'm just. I'M JUST PACING WONDERING IF I'M CRAZY#also i told them the one day i was available was today and they showed up and proceeded to have nothing for me (or any of the girls) to do#and now i don't even know what i could do. maybe ask the editor if they want an edit assist bc that's one of the roles#siiighhhh#also feel it's important to mention that one of the guys was on the autism spectrum#so i can't tell how much of it was exclusion bc he thinks he's the only one competent enough to do these tasks (and that coincidentally-#-the only other guy in the group is also the only one competent enough to help him)#or if he was just having a relatable social ineptitude moment where he didn't realise the rest of us felt useless and excluded#and i don't know how much that context effects the end result BC I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS REAL OR IF I'M JUST A HASHTAG FEMINAZI SJW LIB#UGH#(use of the word feminazi was ironic parody of the way sexists speak pls pls pls don't think i ever talk like that irl)
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