#taking passionate young people and telling them they're special

[parsleysagerosemarytimemachine]

Interesting premise - a young woman ends up interviewing to join a Magical Girl company. That said, I feel like this is sort of aimed just sideways of what I'm actually interested in, so while I'll read the next volume or two I don't know if I'm as excited as I was in my initial imaginations. Specifically, the big theme so far is 'small startup companies will save the world by breaking the rules' in ways that remind me too much of tech-bro finance that wants to 'disrupt markets.' Kana is introduced interviewing for large mega-corps that are too hidebound and checked out to see the worth of her passion and diligence, but she ends up working for a place that gives lip service to training, but also is too understaffed to let her complete it before she has to deploy dangerous magic to compensate for her partner's busted equipment; this is supposed to be a good thing, and not a harbinger of multiple expected safety and labor violations to come. I would love if future volumes talk about how many regulations are written in blood, but since they almost literally say 'move fast and break things' and 'we're like a family here' I don't expect it to come up. Also, some mild transphobia about how weird it is that her boss is a guy wearing a magical girl dress and no one else comments on it. (Also also, disappointing that the other weird employee is 'glasses guy who does all the computer coding' which in this world means 'makes their magic spells' - if this is going to be a show about adult working magical girls, one of the things I want to see is them doing their own programing/spell-work.) Anyway, overall interest but I don't know if I'll stick with it long-term; I'm sure there's a person for whom the valorization of startup culture is the antidote for their office-job ennui, but that's not me.

[buckyalpine]

Here is a list of things that make me mad in no particular order. Angry ranting. Pls ignore this, I'm just screaming into the void. These example apply to very specific situations I've encountered with people who are perfectly capable of doing better.

People who lack common sense. Social awareness. Common courtesy. Saying "Oh my God, I'd never do that" when they've never been even close to said situation but they're now experts on how they'd act while sitting on their pristine Thoroughbred horse, sipping on English tea with their pink so high it may as well be in their nose.

People who say "Well I wouldn't care if it happened to me" or "I'm just being honest" when you point out something they did/said.

When autocorrect/spellcheck decides it cannot for the life of it figure out what you're trying to spell OR it gives you suggestions for every word under the sun except the one you want. All you did was leave out a single letter with the rest of it spelled perfectly and spellcheck decides to go into a coma. So you fix the mistake and the little squiggly red line goes away. Fuck you.

Gnats. WTF is you're problem. I've Googled this shit cause I want to know why tf you can't just fly straight, why do you have to buzz all over the damn place near my head of all places.

Flies. Same thing as above. Why tf can't you just fly straight. WHY NEAR MY EAR. You have the entire world and you decided my room is the place to be? And now we're both miserable because you keep hitting yourself against the window after noticing your grave mistake. I leave the door wide open but you want to keep body slamming the glass.

Giving me life advice on something you know nothing about.

People who don't love their pets. Yeah, you take care of them but you do it as a chore and then complain about it. Those little fur babies deserve it all, give them the best or don't have pets at all.

Holier than thou attitude.

People who laugh at those who are visibly upset and tell them they're being too sensitive.

Allergies. IDK Why tf my body acts surprised as hell every single spring. It's just fucking pollen. Why are you trying to fight it. Do you understand that in your brilliant plan to try and fight the little evaders you actually make me want to end it all because my nose is itching and my eyes are watering and I can't breathe. Food allergies are another level of bullshit. I'll never forget the day this one girl tells me she wished she had allergies? Like it makes you special, mf what??? She was being serious too.

Thin, straight, fine black hair. Can't do anything with it. It doesn't hold hairstyles, doesn't curly, gets heavy as soon as you use any product and 90% of the time it just looks like Snape cosplay. Ask me how I know

Parents who buy their very young children shoes with laces. This is inconvenient for all of us. why tf would you do this when Velcro exists. Your 4 year old doesn't need laces when they have no clue how to even eat cheese with their crackers, mf why did you buy this shoe for them?!

Bananas. Hate them with a burning passion. The smell. The texture. I hate the peel is left out and about like it isn't making the entire room smell. Don't even get me started on banana breath. (Keep in mind this is not me saying I think they're gross. I wish I liked them because they're a super convenient snack and very healthy)

People who lie and say you can't taste the banana in a smoothie. Yes, I can. You always can. You can have 1000lbs of any fruits and that single banana will still stand out.

People who don't understand mental illness/ act ignorantly to those suffering.

Big companies who ask you to donate to stuff. You're going to use this as a tax write off, stfu.

Inflation.

People who laugh at others for not knowing something. Maybe that thing had 0 relevance to their life. Maybe they learned about that because they were taught something else. Either way, how is it funny.

People who laugh at those learning a new language. You're the fucking worst. They are LEARNING. Let them get used to the pronunciation, let them get accustomed to sentence structures, let them make mistakes without being embarrassed. You're the embarrassing one cackling you're damn ass off while they're trying to do something new. You're discouraging them from wanting to continue because you feel the need to be an asshole.

People who make everything a serious debate/conversation.

People who steal. Not out of necessity but just because they can. I'll never forget overhearing this group of kids in my high school bragging and laughing their asses off over how much candy they stole from other kids. They also stole phones. These were not troubled kids mind you, they were doing this for shits and giggles.

Eczema. So fucking itchy, why can't skin just act right. It feels awful, looks awful and just comes and goes as it pleases.

People who clown you for who you find attractive. Why. If I find this person attractive, what in the ever loving flying fuck does it have to do with you. It's just so unnecessarily rude. I don't even get how its funny or why you find it okay to call someone ugly as if this is something they personally have control over.

I'm going to add more to this list.

[mahoromouse]

Confession~Love and Youth at Ichizu High School~

A special short story included with the 4th Bucchigiri?! DVD/Blu-ray

Description from the official site:

Worried about how to "confess his love," Arajin asks his best friend Matakara for advice on how to convey his feelings to Mahoro, but...?!

Story by Kishimoto Taku/Supervision by Utsumi Hiroko

(NOTE: I'm an amateur when it comes to translation so there's unfortunately going to be mistakes here and there. I do plan on uploading clean scans of the original material sometime in the future for those who are more capable. I just wanted to share my own take on this little story.)

"Hmm~~, mmmmm~...ahh~...What on earth should I do...how can I convey my passionate feelings to Mahoro-chan!"

One young man is groaning loudly while holding his head in agony. This is Tomoshibi Arajin.

"Hey, Matakara! How do you confess to someone!?"

"Eh? Confessing? Hmmm...just be serious and tell them how you really feel, isn't that enough?"

The one who gives such an honest answer is Asamine Matakara. He has known Arajin since childhood, when they'd been best friends who aimed to become Honki people together.

"Just expressing my feelings seriously huh...Hmmm...I'm the type of guy who believes actions speak louder than words..."

Arajin mutters something like that before he says,

"Matakara, show me how you'd do it."

"Ehh!? Me!? But confessing..."

"Just try it, try it! Okay!"

"Um...wait a minute...a confession huh..."

Matakara is flustered for a moment, but finally, as if he's made up his mind, he lets out a sigh, clears his throat, and says,

"P-Please, let me make miso soup for you every day!"

"Why are you the one making it!?"

"I see...it's more fun to make it together than by yourself! As expected of you, Ara-chan!"

"That's not the point! In fact, what you're saying is basically a proposal!"

Arajin holds his head in his hands, realizing that he has consulted the wrong person.

"Yo~"

"What are you doing?"

"Ah, Zabu and Komao."

The people who call out are Zabu Kakeru and Sakigake Komao, the usual lineup.

"Hello! What are you guys talking about?"

Komao doesn't care what the topic is and just gets into it.

"Ara-chan was wondering how to confess."

"If you're so keen to confess, then just tell the other person, right Zabu?"

When asked about it, Zabu grins.

"Yeah you should, if you really are that popular."

"But...I don't like Ara-chan being too popular."

Seeing Matakara's indecisive attitude makes Arajin confused.

"Hey what's all that about!?!? There's no such thing as being too popular!"

"No, it's not like that..."

"Matakara is Minato Kai's second best after all! Of course he's super popular."

Komao speaks without any ill intent, not knowing what the person in question is actually thinking.

"Stop it..."

"Grrr...I guess this guy's popular after all!"

Arajin grits his teeth as Zabu presses on.

"Weren't they waiting in line for you the other day?"

"Wh-What did you say!? Girls were waiting for him?"

"Grrrrr!"

Arajin growls with rage.

"It was just because that place was small! It's really not that great. They're girls, so I can't hurt them...but I can't just ignore someone who's coming at me with all their might..."

"Pyuu~" Zabu and Komao whistle as they turn away, ignoring Arajin.

"What is it? Tell me quickly! Tell me!!"

Zabu puts his hand on Arajin's shoulder in an attempt to calm him and continues with a serious look on his face.

"Listen here, Ichizu High has a time-honored tradition of matchmaking."

"Matchmaking!? Isn't matchmaking when a man and a woman who want to get married are introduced to each other at some arranged dinner??"

"In our case, the person who falls in love first comes forward and says 'Let's make a match!' and the other person accepts by saying 'Sure, I'd be happy to make a match!' and that's how it begins. If you fight seriously and defeat your crush, the two of you can have a special relationship."

"Huh!? Isn't that more like a wrestling match!? What does wrestling have to do with matchmaking?"

"That's just how it is, a match is a match, that's all there is to it!"

Komao says, showing off his skills as he grabs Zabu in a headlock.

"By the way, guys can ask out other guys."

"That's right, I'm in love with a man~!"

Arajin watches with dead eyes as Zabu is taken down by Komao's suplex.

"Ara-chan, if you'd like, wanna practice together? I mean, I could try being your matchmaking partner? By the way, my specialty is hoisting people up, so it's a technique that won't hurt girls..."

Arajin interrupts Matakara who was making a misguided proposal and glares at him.

"No way! The confession I want to make doesn't involve hoisting, or headlocks, or finishing moves! Isn't there a more normal way to confess your love?"

"That is normal..."

"Zabu, how would you confess?"

"Wh-What do you mean...just the normal way. I'd ask the other person to go out with me, like normal."

Zabu stammers nervously after Matakara suddenly turns the conversation toward him.

"Is it okay to just do that without thinking too deeply about it? What do you think Ara-chan?"

"Hmmm...but you know 'going out' just doesn't feel right..."

"What do you mean?"

Arajin tilts his head, searching for the right words as Komao looks at him confused.

"Going out, 'dating' that is, it's more like a contract, right? 'I won't date other people so you shouldn't either'."

Perhaps caught off guard by the word "contract," Shinpo mutters, "Well, you could say that, but..." He seems a bit dissatisfied.

"Aren't you overthinking it? I'm just saying 'let's go out' because I'm too embarrassed to say 'I like you'."

As Zabu looks on in disbelief, Arajin continues.

"But you know, I still don't feel comfortable with just 'I like you' and 'Me too'. For example, even if you find your partner on a date with someone else, if they say they like that person too, you won't be able to say anything."

"That's true, dating implies that 'neither of us will like anyone else' but that's only one possible meaning."

Matakara, who had been listening to Arajin's story, nods in agreement.

"Right? You don't want to get married, but you still want to date, it's kind of half-hearted, even unfair...If you really love the other person, you should just propose and get married!"

"I see...that's right!"

"Eh? Don't just go along with whatever he says! It's way too much responsibility. You can't just get married!"

"Propro~pose, pro~po~se~~!"

Matakara readily agrees, but Zabu retorts, and Komao does a little dance.

"In that case, the 'miso soup' thing Matakara mentioned before might actually be on the right track..."

"What I said earlier, 'Let me make you miso soup every day'?"

"Yeah. There's that vague feeling of wanting to spend the rest of your life together...I guess a man is only as good as his sense of responsibility. That's a true companion."

Arahito pushes his hair back to look cool.

"Ha, stop trying to look cool when you've never even dated."

Zabu looks at Arajin with an expression of amazement, wondering what he was talking about.

"Eh, perhaps..."

"Have you ever dated, Zabu?"

Startled by Arajin and Matakara's words, Zabu lowers his head. He then speaks in a small voice.

His answer:

"No...not yet, for now..."

As time passes quietly by, Matakara suddenly blurts out something.

"I wonder what it would be like, to date someone..."

"Ah..."

"That's right..."

The three of them look off into the distance, thinking about the relationship they have yet to realize.

"It's nothing that special."

It is Komao who says this so nonchalantly.

"You have no idea, you've never even gone out with anyone."

"There is someone."

"Ehh!?" Three boys shout in unison.

"No way..." Zabu mutters while Arajin and Matakara are speechless. None of them can hide their surprise.

Komao!?!? Experienced!?!? And nobody's heard anything about it!?

"I mean, we're going out right now."

"Ehhhh!?"

"Seriously...."

Zabu is unable to hide his shock and can't even look Komao in the eye.

"What's it like? Going out..."

Matakara asks a straightforward question.

"Hmm? Usually we stay together overnight."

"Overnight!?"

"Yeah."

Looking defeated and timid as he raises his hand, Arajin asks,

"Um, well~...Excuse me for asking, but when you say staying the night, does that mean you'll be going to bed together...?"

"'Going to bed'?"

"Well...he means if you're going to sleep in the same room together."

Matakara kindly explains.

"You mean, in the same futon?"

Zabu asks, finally joining in.

"Of course. We always take baths together."

"Baths!?"

"Yeah. But he doesn't like the heat."

Beside the group, who are frozen in place, Komao laughs heartily.

"I see... that's it..."

Matakara manages to squeeze out a reply.

"Do your parents know about this?"

Arahito can only use polite language now.

"Hm? Of course! I mean, they heard his voice the other day too."

"Your parents!"

"His voice!??"

"That guy has such a loud voice~, so I quickly covered his mouth but that just made him go crazy..."

"Stop it already! Stop it, Komao!!"

Unable to bear it any longer, Zabu screams out loud enough to drown out Komao's voice.

Zabu's mind is in turmoil, like a small boat in a storm. They had been talking about what it meant to be in a relationship...but this was too sudden.

Only one of them was going too fast! Where are you going, Komao? No, does that mean the Komao he knew wasn't really Komao after all!?!?

It's no good, Zabu doesn't know what's going on anymore...

"What's up with you Zabu~, don't just scream so suddenly~. Now my ears are ringing."

Komao pouts in dissatisfaction. Zabu looks down and clenches his fists.

"That's not the Komao I know... the Komao I know... isn't like that..." His clenched fists tremble.

"What do you mean? You're joking, aren't you? It's just a game."

"!!!"

"Just a game...that's all? You're seriously calling it that?"

Matakara looks at Komao with a stern expression that he rarely shows to his friends.

"I'm disappointed in you, Komao."

Zabu states, clenching his fists so hard he was close to drawing blood.

"Eh~? Aren't you guys being too serious?"

Immediately afterwards, Zabu grabs Komao by the collar.

"What, what are you talking about! I can't believe you were that kind of guy!"

"Huh!? You guys should just go along with it instead of whining about it."

"What do you think, Ara-chan? Listening to Komao's story."

Matakara's usually soft voice hardens and his expression turns serious as he asks Arajin.

"Me too..."

Arajin quietly bows his head.

"You're right, this kind of thing can't be tolerated, right? Not being serious about the person you love..."

Arajin clenches his fist.

"Me too..."

"That's definitely not okay, Ara-chan..."

"I want to lose my virginity!!!!!"

。。。

The roar blends into the wind that rustles the leaves.

No one speaks.

All that can be heard is the rustling of leaves and the cries of crows...

In the silence, one person speaks up.

"Oh, it's him!"

Komao looks up towards the sound of the crow.

"What? He's...?"

"That's who I'm going out with right now, Caw-chan the crow!"

"Caw! Caw!"

A crow with round eyes, large wings and a lustrous black body flutters down near Komao.

"...A...crow...?"

Komao and this crow? They're going out? They're staying the night together? They were heard by his parents? While Zabu and the others stand there confused, Komao speaks to the crow in a friendly manner.

"Let's take a bath together again today~"

"Caw!"

"If Caw-chan is going to cry, I guess I should go home~,then~,see you tomorrow~!”

"Caw! Caw!"

"So... you're saying... you take baths with a crow?"

As Arajin stands there in a daze, watching Komao leave, Matakara replies, gazing up at the crimson sky where Caw-chan has flown away.

"Well, they do say that crows like a quick bath..."

(The End)

[jaylienpotter]

Part 4 of Let them be | 1k words

> Part 3 | Part 5 (to come) <

Credit to @starsarestories for suggesting including Hagrid in marauders fics!

Let people want none

"Comin'!" With a loud creak, the wooden door opened wide. "Ah, Peter! What'cha doin' here? Come in!" Rubeus Hagrid was a half giant who was Hogwarts' gamekeeper. He was extremely sweet, despite his intimidating figure. He had guided Pettigrew and Potter on their first day there and they quickly warmed up to the hairy man. Peter went to his cabin from time to time.

"Hello Hagrid. I'm honestly hiding from my peers, you're a calmer presence so I came here. Hope that's alright?"

"O' course! Hungry?" The man infamous for his cooking skills. If Hagrid invited him for tea, he felt bad refusing, eating the rock hard pastries he made. The flavour wasn't bad. It was just hard to chew.

"No, thank you."

"Tea?"

"Yeah, alright. Thanks." He prepared the tea and sat opposite to the student.

"So. What'cha hidin' for? Did ye get into a fight?" No, but he had been further from starting one.

"No. It's just… It's James. He keeps messing with me, saying I fancy this person. But I don't! And it's really frustrating…"

"Ye told him that already?"

"I keep telling him Benjy and I are just friends- Benjy is the one I'm talking about. Benjamin Fenwick, Ravenclaw, a year above." Hagrid nodded once, maybe he knew Ben. Or he was just being polite. "But James doesn't believe me. Says I'm in bloody denial. But I don't like Benjy that way!"

"Yer just not gay, that's alrigh'. Ye can be close to a friend."

"It's not that… I never fancied anyone. At all. Girls or boys. Sybill liked me at one point and she's sweet and passionate and pretty but… I just don't feel it. Maybe I'm broken…"

"Nonsense! Yer so young, ye'll find the right person, don't worry boy." Wormtail exhaled after taking a sip from the hot wonky mug.

"You don't understand, I… I don't think I'm capable of feeling that, you know? Like… everyone is coupling now. James is head over heels for Evans as usual. I think she's gaining a liking for him, which will make him impossible to be with. Marlene and Dorcas are a couple. Oh, Remus and Sirius got together by the way."

"Ah, did they? Good for 'em. I think they make a good couple."

"Yes, finally. They're two oblivious idiots. But anyways. Everyone is all lovey-dovey and I just… don't get it? I don't see what's so special about being in love. If anything it seems annoying and disgusting. And everyone is expecting me to join in but I don't want to…"

"Then don't. Simple. Ye gotta learn not to fall under pressure, Peter." He did have a point. Saying 'no' was a very difficult task.

"But what if I never feel fulfilled?"

"Lemme tell ye a secret, Pete. Ya don't need a partner nor family to be happy. I'm happy and haven't had a girlfriend since my years at Hogwarts. It's just been me and my animals. It's enough for me. Some people, like James, need love to feel fulfilled but not everyone. Some people don't care about it or do not wish for it. One example is Professor Mcgonagall."

"She's never had a partner?"

"Not as far as I'm aware. She much rather have her space and doin' other things. An' that works. Maybe it's what works for ye too." His head of house was a brilliant witch. Tired, for sure, but who wouldn't be when you have the Marauders as your students?

"I see… Maybe you're right. But how do I tell people? Everyone will think I'm odd."

"Just say ye don' feel that attraction. Ye prefer friendship. Or don't say nothin'. Ye don't owe anyone explanations, yeah? Do what feels best for ye." Wormtail relaxed. He needed to hear it. That he wasn't broken. He wasn't the only one like that. And it was okay.

"Thanks, Hagrid. I'm glad I came to talk to you."

"Anytime. Always good to have som' company. Ye welcome to come over whenever, alright?" The boy smiled and nodded, finishing his tea and saying his goodbyes.

"You won't believe it! I got my hands on an Incredible Hulk! Can't wait to read it!" He might not have been a scholar like Remus. And big literacy books were boring to him. Comics, however? He owned a huge collection. Marvel was his favourite.

"That's great! You'll have to tell me about it when you finish." Benjy was the only one really willing to listen to him ramble about the things he liked. James read comics too, but it was hard to have a conversation about it, Prongs always ended up being the only one talking, too absorbed to notice he was cutting off Wormy. It wasn't his fault, yet it still made the short boy feel invisible. Not with Benjamin, though.

"You can read it afterwards, if you want. And then we can discuss it."

"Thanks but I prefer it when you explain it. You're cute when you're excited." Pettigrew wasn't stupid. He knew his friends were right when they said Fenwick fancied him. He would just rather pretend he didn't know. Pretend it's not true. Live in ignorant bliss.

"Oh, thanks. So uhm… Have you been drawing?" Ravenclaws were mostly known for their intelligence and academic values. What people often forgot was how it was also the House of creativity.

"Yeah, here and there." A comfortable pause followed, the mood shifted as soon as the silence broke. "Pete… Can I tell you something?" Oh no. No… No, please don't confess. Please. Everything was going so well…

"Sure, what's up?" His voice sounded casual, even though his stomach took a toll. If this was anything like what people described as 'butterflies in their stomach', Wormtail was glad he didn't feel attraction.

"You probably know this already- or you don't and are oblivious. But… I like you. As in I fancy you. Have been for a while." The Ravenclaw probably wasn't expecting that reaction. Maybe a rejection, an unsureness or if he got lucky, a kiss. Instead he was met with sadness. Pettigrew looked down, leg bouncing from anxiety. "Please say something…"

"I can't…" Voice broken, much how he felt inside. "I-I can't love like that… It's not-"

"'It's not you, it's me', heard that one."

"No, Benjy! Listen to me, please… I don't think I'm capable of having romantic feelings. I can't bring myself to be interested in any of those things. Kisses grosses me, couples annoy me, the whole societal norms in regards to love leave me bloody fuming! I don't know why I'm like this. I just really don't like that sappy stuff. It's not for me. And if I did like it and feel romantic attraction, I would've definitely dated you. It just doesn't feel right to be with anyone… I'm sorry for giving you any wrong signals…"

"It's okay. I thought there was something, sorry for misinterpreting our relationship." No, don't go!

"No! Benjy there is! Just because it's platonic doesn't mean it's not special! You're my best friend…"

"I… I thought it was the Marauders?"

"Well… James is sort of on your level. But you've been climbing your way up, I feel. Remus is a good friend and Sirius too but… Nothing compared to you. You make me feel loved, like I'm worth something."

"You're worth the whole world…"

"Then let's not change things… I'd really hate it if you stopped being my friend because of this…" No, go back inside! Bloody tears!

"Okay. If that's what you want, I'm happy to just be near you. We can keep our Wednesday tea dates. Platonically!" The small boy chuckled. Benjy was the best, he made everything better. Wormtail could always count on him.

"I'd like that." Ben opened his arms wide and Wormy walked there in baby steps until his head was against his friend's chest. He let himself be hugged, taken care of. "Are you mad?"

"At you? Never."

"I'm sorry for this. You're truly special, Ben."

"So are you. As a lover or a friend. So are you, Petey..." They stayed like that for a while. And then they carried as usual, their bond the same as before, if not stronger. Things hadn't gone the way Benjamin wanted them to, but the Marauder knew he got touched by being called a best friend. And Peter meant every word of it. Not loving romantically didn't mean not loving at all. Platonic love was just as important, just as intense, just as real.

[silent-words]

Oct 21 - Introduce your Inquisitor

I'm finally here to show you my Inky! He has two different models, because now I'm doing another playthrough with the same character, but I didn't bother much to make him identical to the previous playthrough. Let's go!

Dionysios Trevelyan, human mage, pyromancer, formerly of the Ostwick Circle. 26 years of age at the start of the Inquisition.

Born to a wealthy noble family in Ostwick. This family had never had mages before. Dionysios' grandfather married a former Dalish elf (thus an uncharacteristic swarthy complexion), and it was believed that mage legacy came from her. Initially the future Inquisitor was named after said grandfather, Brendan.

The only child of Trevelyan family at the time, he manifested magic at the age of 4, and was taken to the Ostwick Circle of Magi immediately. The child overheard his father telling his wife "This son is a waste, we need another heir". The young mage would never forget it.

When he was 15, Brendan Trevelyan found out that his grandfather had hunted elves for sport and forced one of them into marrying him. He was so disgusted that he decided to change his name. He chose "Dionysios" after the author of a magic textbook. He officially changed his name only when he passed his Harrowing at the age of 19.

After he arrived at the Circle and started living there he became close to several other children, who afterwards formed "the Ostwick Gang", a group of young mages. There were two boys, with whom Dionysios lived in the dormitory before their Harrowing, and two girls, whom they initially started protecting from bullying. These four people (actually two humans and two elves) became real family, true siblings for Dionysios. They were the first to cheer him up, and they were the first to start calling him by his new name.

Dionysios and his Circle siblings knew that templars pushed them to undergo the rite of Tranquility. But they resisted and swore that they will do anything not to become Tranquil. Although their life wasn't hard and Ostwick Circle was a peaceful one, they knew that they're held like prisoners, and they have all the rights to actually be part of the society. When presented with an opportunity to get out of the Circle and see his family, Dionysios refused. Other people in the Circle, including his beloved friends-siblings were not given such an opportunity, so using it himself would be unjust. Besides, he was a "waste of a son" anyway, so why bother?

To overcome all the perils of magic the Ostwick gang started studying magic with all the passion they had. Dionysios enjoyed it and held the title of "bookworm" proudly. He fell in love with elemental magic and mastered the power of fire. Even after his Harrowing he did not pursue any romantic relationships. As everyone else at the Circle had assumed, it was because he was deeply interested in magic theory. In reality he just wanted to find someone special, man or woman, a person to spend his life with. And in the Circle the choice was extremely limited.

Right before his Harrowing he got hold of "Mage freedom manifesto" by someone who called themselves Ser Pounce-a-lot. Dionysios was so inspired by the text that he memorized it verbatim and started retelling the manifesto instead of prayers to the Maker. He started looking for and opportunity to free the mages of southern Thedas.

When Dionysios was 22, the Mage Rebellion began. It was the Ostwick Gang, who made the templars go away without bloodshed. Although the first enchanter was killed, Dionysios was eloquent enough to persuade the Knight-Commander to leave their post and take the templars to Orlais. Some mages left to join the rebellion, some stayed in the Circle, Dionysios and his siblings included. They offered citizens of Ostwick help – with healing, enchanting items and some mundane activities. Thus poor and middle-class non-mages stopped being hostile towards their magic fellow citizens.

When they heard of the Conclave to be held in the Temple of Sacred Ashes, there was no doubt who should be sent there. It was Dionysios – always so kind, polite, eloquent and of noble birth.

After the explosion on the Conclave, Dionysios found himself among the people who were wary towards mages, and no one actually had the same Circle experience as he did. He felt lonely until he met a charming Tevinter mage in the Redcliffe chantry. Dionysios loved talking to Dorian, travelling with Dorian and then, after some time, kissing Dorian. He fell in love and wanted everyone to know about it (to the utmost horror of his lover, of course).

During the Inquisition Dionysios:

allied with the mages

brought Vivienne to the brink of a nervous breakdown (answering "mages should be free" to every one of her questions)

made Alexios work for the Inquisition

defended Dorian in front of his father (he actually wanted to kiss Dorian then and there to piss off that "magister", but stopped himself) and eventually romanced Dorian

saved Celene from assassination, and she stayed the Empress

saved Hawke from the Fade (left Stroud there), because Hawke had to get back to her rebel mage husband and children

saved Grey Wardens

softened Leliana

kissed Dorian in front of Cullen (just like Hawke had kissed Anders in front of the very same Cullen, as Varric pointed out)

made Iron Bull Tal-Vashoth

made Leliana the Divine

got his left hand chopped off

made the Inquisition Leliana's personal guard

After that Dionysios led the Inquisition for a couple of years, talking to his lover through the crystal. But then he decided that it's not how he wants his life to be, so at a pretext of getting a magic prosthesis in Tevinter, to rode to Minrathous to stay there for good. Dorian was, of course, baffled, but couldn't resist Dionysios' puppy eyes and allowed him to live in his mansion. Lord Pavus could never say no to his amatus.

I hope I'll be able to find them together in Minrathous in the Veilguard.

[windstir]

why strawberry crepe cookie is very autistic coded

by: yours truly, an autistic person who happens to like the pink cookie a lot! 🌸

the chart above is what i will be using as a base for some of the behaviors they express. though i'm letting you guys know beforehand that autism looks different in everyone (obviously) and that some traits might be influenced by traumatic events in your early years of life (like what happens with Crepe.)

most of the information has been taken from canon events and stories, and some other things are just based on my own interpretation of their dialogue and the few things we know about their backstory!

we will go in parts, describing each tab in as much detail as i possibly can ...

that being said, sit the fuck down, grab some snacks, and listen to me ramble about the little pink cookie, because that's what autism made ME do. some people solve math problems, i talk about my little pink thing while i rotate them around in my head like a microwave.

before i start: spoiler warning for pretty much everything regarding Strawberry Crepe Cookie and cookie odyssey.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

i. fixations -

the fixations tab is the easiest thing to explain from this mess, since it's most of their character: robotics!Crepe shows a high interest in wafflebots! being pretty much one of the few things they talk about freely (and something they're very passionate about as a whole) and being something that takes up most of their day and routine.

there are many parts where they start rambling about the bots, being most noticeable during the cookie odyssey (they have many of these moments during their parts of the story! 🎶)

(they also seem to be messy as mentioned by Clotted Cream Cookie at some point in odyssey, unless it comes to their tools! which is. something i relate to deeply lmao. i find organizing my clothes and things pretty boring, but i enjoy organizing my art supplies for example. relaxing activities ~ i'm not sure if it IS part of a fixation but i still think it deserves a spot.)

🌸🌸🌸

ii. noise sensitivity -

this is also easy to explain: they don't like noise. one of their "default phrases" is. just that. them complaining about the noise (and mentioning that their bots are more quiet, once again tying things back to their special interest/hyperfixation.)

and this new comment from the spring 2023 event.

🌸🌸🌸

iii. aggression -

while also having canon arguments to back up this one, it can't really be used as a way to say "oh Crepe is autistic". why? because crepe has gone through trauma and was exposed to violence as a fairly young kid, specially since it wasn't really explained to them that what they did was wrong.

they are aggressive, having threatened others before ... but is it an autistic thing, or just a trauma response of some sort? i can't really tell, honestly. so i'm going to replace it with:

🦄🌸 the inability to properly identify their own emotions, something i've struggled with since i was just a little guy !!!! 🌸🦄

(or, in proper terms, i think it's called alexithymia! if this is wrong i will correct myself.)

when Pure Vanilla mentioned the time period they were alone (or with DE) they responded with: "well ... it WAS boring!"

boring, a word that seems to be quite common in their vocabulary and mine (especially as a kid, we're talking a 5-8 y/o child who struggled to properly identify their emotions and was pretty disconnected from them)

i remember always complaining of boredom, and i sometimes still mix boredom with sadness, understimulation ... you call it.

and the fact that they used the word "boring" to describe a (definitely) traumatic period of their life is. quite interesting to me!

were they truly bored, or were they sad? anxious? scared ...?

and then, once again, in the spring 2023 event, we get more of that:

it happens after the group of kids they're playing with don't listen to their attempts of communicating their discomfort and stress over the situation they're in, Crepe was trying to communicate that they weren't happy with the noise they were making and the fact that everyone was walking in different directions. (and one of the kids was being particularly hyperactive too)

so, they lashed out.

pretty self-explanatory. Crepe also isn't very good at expressing and controlling their negative emotions.

so yeah! back to the ACTUAL chart now ...

🌸🌸🌸

iv. social difficulty -

yeah, another obvious one. they struggle with socializing and seem to prefer the company of their robots and small crowds. (or older people, they seem to be a lot more nicer around Espresso. like in the christmas 2022 story)

not much to say, their socializing skills may also be affected by their trauma. (they were frozen for years as a child, abandoned by their village and then by Dark Enchantress, leading to a pretty lonely life before the events of chapter 9 and odyssey)

but i do think they're genuinely just an awkward little kid, and that's fine! they're learning at their own pace as i've mentioned in another post :)

🌸🌸🌸

v. speech pattern -

... it may be me, but their way of speaking is different of the way kids around their age express themselves usually, so i say they got an abnormal speech pattern.

they use big words and know what they mean, end of the speech tab. i don't know how a normal person speaks so i can't really say "this was supposed to be abnormal speech? but I speak like that!"

🌸🌸🌸

vi. depression / anxiety -

the depression and anxiety tab are mainly based on headcanons i branched out based on their backstory, but they may be enforced by their crunchy dreams story and their fortune: "you're not alone: love surrounds you."

it's probably not related to autism, though. it's probably because of their trauma and abandonment issues. either way it's there.

to need reassuring in something like this means that they probably cling compulsively to certain thoughts/beliefs.

which, if i remember correctly, is a thing that sometimes happens with autistic people according to other autistic people. it's like a weird fixation of sorts, i'm not 100% sure ...

the only time(s) i've seen them have some sort of anxious behavior is during their battle speech, where they panic after losing to Gingerbrave's team.

then during the spring event of 2023, where they say that they "can't think straight" because of the noise Pancake Cookie is making.

🌸🌸🌸

i'm not sure if they got any tics and fidgets, i haven't noticed anything that can classify as such, so it's one of the lowest tabs.

same with the abnormal posture. and if they got it is probably because of the being frozen thing weakening their body to an extent.

🌸🌸🌸

in conclusion! after tumblr deleted part of my post from my drafts ... _(:3」 ∠)_

i wholeheartedly believe Crepe might be an autistic coded character, whether or not is something the writers intended to do isn't clear to me, but they show SO many traits that i wouldn't be surprised if they canonically were! most of the things i mentioned are also based from my own experience and the bits i can remember form my own childhood as an undiagnosed kid, but yeah!

i hope you enjoyed this painfully long rant <3 i might make one eventually about how i think Crepe might also be physically disabled (implied), but for now, have this.

okay bye i can't post more pictures because the app sucks.

[snazzilystoopid]

Ninjago little sister AU, pt. 3~ Jay's turn!!

This is kinda longer than I thought it would be but I hope yall like it anyways <3

Hope you all enjoy 🤭🤭

Gwendolyn "Gwen" Gordon

She hates the name Gwendolyn with a burning passion, so most people just call her Gwen.

Jay calls her Lyn most of the time

So basically Gwen had no idea that Jay existed up until the space of time between Possesion and Dotd

(To make space for when Skybound would've taken place)

Gwen was born a year after Jay, and their mom decided to leave Jay at the junkyard because once she divorced Cliff, she wanted to keep them both

Unfortunately she wasn't able to take care of two young children by herself and made the difficult decision to give up her eldest child

She was leaning towards keeping Jay at first, because he was the one who inherited her elemental powers

She ultimately decided to keep Gwen, bear in mind her taking the children wasn't agreed between her and Cliff

So "Johnny Law" (as Kai calls it lmao) got involved and Libber was forced to hand custody over to Cliff, whom Gwen has lived with ever since

Up until he died obviously

Yes he did still die even though Skybound technically didn't happen

Anyways, Gwen grew up in a very fortunate household, though her father was distant due to his job and because he'd much rather hang out with other random women, models, etc

So she's raised by herself, more or less

Nothing really special happened in her life before she met Jay. She goes to school like any normal kid would, she also becomes a fan of the ninja (like any normal kid would)

Just like her dad, Jay was her favourite (but she didn't know he was Cliff's favourite because its his son ofc)

But one thing stood out throughout her younger years and it was that she wished she was taken by her mom, not her dad

Because he never paid attention to her

When Cliff passed away, she got a hold of his will and was a little confused as to why half of it wasn't in her possesion

She wasn't actually living in the mansion when he passed, by this point she had gotten an apartment of her own (with her dad's money 😭)

Meanwhile Jay still gets the letter that his dad died

Only this time he knows it's not Ed, it's Cliff

So Ed and Edna give him the key to his mansion, at the same time, Gwendolyn also makes her way to the mansion and unlocks it first with her spare key

Jay shows up afterwards and explores the mansion for a bit, looking at the places he hadn't already been to, before finding Gwen's old room

Little did he know that she was already in there

When he opened the door, Gwen grabbed a replica of his nunchucks and threatened him lol

Because she was confused as to why there was another human in her dad's house

Jay explained that Cliff is his birth dad and he was left at a junkyard blah blah blah

By this point Gwen realised she was related to the Lightning Ninja and she actually squealed

Poor Jay is so confused but Gwen explains that she's Cliff's kid as well, and she's lived with him for most of her life

So they hug and Jay cries bc hes emotional like that

Gwen takes him on a little tour of the house, she doesn't know that Jay's already been here but anyways

They go back to her apartment and she tells him all about her crappy childhood with basically no father

Jay cries some more because he then realises that his sis had to grow up with essentially no family

He offers to take her to visit Ed and Edna, and she agrees

(Yes this is still happening between DotD and Possesion)

The Walkers feel so bad and basically become her second parents

She still lives in her apartment, but she would come over to visit them a lot during the events of DotD and HoT

So after Wu gets lost in the time stream, Jay and Cole go looking for him

But before Jay leaves, Gwen gets to meet each of the ninja first because her bro wanted to flex that he's got a little sister

Even though she keeps telling him they're only like 14 months apart

When she was introduced to Cole she nearly had a heart attack

She has the BIGGEST crush on this guy

Once he left she wouldn't shut up about him and that really pissed Jay off

She met Nya last, and Jay at first introduced her as one of his friends

Jay left the room they were all in for like 5 minutes and thats when Nya explained that her and Jay were actually dating

Gwen didn't mind but then after that they became besties hehe

Gwen and Jay stay in touch while he's away looking for Wu, and she's the first person he visited when he got back

During that time she had become a Mechanic like Ed

They played video-games for like 3 hours straight

At the beginning of Hunted, Gwen joins the resistance as a mechanic

But she was kinda bitter about the whole thing because at first she thought her bro had been squashed like a bug by Garmadon

He was ok but still after that she just stopped admiring the fact that he was a ninja

She hated the idea of her only birth family left being in constant danger

Ed and Edna tried talking to her but she always refused to visit the monastery

So whenever they wanted to meet up it had to be somewhere in Ninjago City or at the junkyard

Nya texted her when Jay got sucked into Prime Empire, having a literal meltdown

Then the rest of the Ninja (minus Zane) get sucked in

Gwendolyn was pretty pissed off and she stormed right up to the monastery, yelling at Master Wu, who had no idea what the hell was going on

But then Zane explained she was Jay's little sis and she got even more pissed off when he said "little"

She basically cussed him out for letting him get into all this trouble and him being in danger all the time

After Gwen calmed down Wu explained how it was completely Jay's choice but this girl didn't give a shit

She ended up helping them out anyways lol

When Jay returned she gave him a big hug and he got all teary-eyed bc he missed her sm 🥰

Just before the Ninja got the letter about Shintaro, Gwen tried to ask Cole out on a date with Kai and Jay's flirting advice

The silly guy didn't take the hint and she was friendzoned

She considered herself pretty good-looking and approachable, and was severely humbled by this

Jay didn't stop laughing about it until Nya told him to stfu

By the end of crystalized, Gwendolyn is the same age as Jay!

Time for more facts hehe

Gwen has brown hair, but she dyes it blonde

Because of this most of the time no one would think that she and Jay were siblings, but if you look closely, you van definitely tell, mostly because of their freckles

Nya and Gwen both do impressions of Jay whenever he's around as a joke

Nya also told her about the events of Skybound, and she's the only other person who knows about those events

Gwen hasn't got any elemental powers, however she, like Jay, is immune to electrocution (meaning it can't kill them, but it can hurt them)

She she has a lightning ninja-themed hoodie that she wears almost everywhere

Whenever the ninja want to have parties (that aren't under Wu's watch) they always go to Gwen's apartment

This basically means whenever they want to have alcohol at a party they always go somewhere else bc Wu's banned alcohol from the monastery 😭

Whenever Cole talks to her she goes really pink in the face, which Jay always teases her about

If someone ever calls her by her full name, her left eye will start to twitch out of irritation

Ed and Edna bought Gwen this blue teddy bear plushie for her birthday, and from then on she never went to sleep without it

She decided to name the plushie "Jaya" after Nya and Jay 🥰

That's everything!! This one was kinda long heh, also sorry if you find any typos in this-

Lloyd is next, prepare for a tragic ending lol

[scary-monsters]

Diego Brando

Coming from dm!!! I wanna hear some Diego headcanons, could you tell us?

OF COURSE, THANK YOU 🤸‍♀️ im eating up every opportunity to talk about this man !!! some of these i've probably mentioned before but i have a few core HCs that i am quite passionate about so that's inevitable :'))

(warning for SBR spoilers!)

he's 5'3", i think this is widely accepted but i want to emphasize my love for short king diego

he has freckles, yes this is my tendency to give every single one of my favorite characters freckles but i won't back down on this

he's very particular about aesthetics, including but not limited to his clothing, his living space, the way he physically carries himself, the state of silver bullet's appearance (though he is very passionate about caring for her in general and considers it his way of bonding with her)

he's VERY good at braiding hair and can do several different kinds with ease and quickness.

morning guy, he likes being up to see the sunrise and get in some early morning exercise

modern diego is a huge movie buff, his favorite films are peak and you cannot convince him otherwise! he loves psychological thrillers, is very particular about the horror he enjoys, can't stand romantic comedies, and his secret guilty pleasure is animated movies about animals (spirit is very special to him)

modern diego watches hours of animal videos, if he's smiling at his phone it's very safe to assume he's watching something like "cat bonds with lizard" or "newborn foal walks for the first time"

annoyingly photogenic, he cannot take a bad picture no matter how hard someone tries to catch him off guard, however if you get a chance to take one while he's sleeping... that's when he looks the worst (he will not rest until you delete that photo)

when he's in love (rare!!!) or has decided to trust someone (also rare!!!) he gets soooo clingy and overly protective, he will do anything for the people he cares about, though gaining that trust is an extremely difficult and unbearable feat.. he's hard to love initially (and actively repellent to it anyway) but when his walls finally come down it's very much worth it

dinopants REAL, that's it that's the headcanon but araki told me himself that they're in love and compliment each other so well and make each other better people

modern diego loves jaffa cakes, they remind him of his mother because they would share them when he was very young

not the best cook but he really wants to be, his mother left behind a recipe book which he treasures dearly and wants to master.

he has a very loud laugh, it's actually a little off-putting 💀

if you don't laugh at his jokes then you're wrong and he will hold a grudge (im mostly joking but like... he thinks he's the funniest motherfucker around)

he's happiest when it's clear skies with lots of sunshine, he hates the cold, hates the rain, and despises snow, during the winter if he has to leave the house, even if it's just to get the mail or something, he wears several layers and bitches about it the entire time

scary monsters has long-lasting side effects on diego's body outside of him actively using it - his skin gets very dry much quicker (if he doesn't moisturize often his skin will peel and turn a gross green color), his nails grow exponentially faster and have to be trimmed often, he's much more sensitive to the cold, he can see perfectly fine at night without any light (his elevated senses are a canon thing anyway, i just think it's cute)

silver bullet is diego's bff !!!!!! he raised her from the time she was born and he cares deeply for her (when he called her his 'beloved' in canon i genuinely lost it) people have wronged him his entire life but horses have been his safe place for as long as he can remember

the bow on diego's helmet was placed there in dedication to his mother - the bows on his shirt when he was a child were hand-crafted by her in her (rare) free time and he's always associated these kinds of decorations with her

during the race diego finds solace in keeping his helmet close by him at all times, during quiet moments where he's alone he will have quiet conversations with it as if his mother is sitting there with him (it keeps him motivated)

diego genuinely cared for his late wife - he lacked a proper education while growing up, and while he did get some informal education during his time with the joestars, she spent a lot of time teaching him academics more relevant to his age, all while treating him with a kind of nurturing love that he'd been unknowingly craving and desperately in need of

despite this, he still has huge difficulty with vulnerability and emotional awareness in general (canon??) and has stuffed his inner struggles so deep down that he's not even aware of them anymore, his ego is definitely a coping mechanism for how troubled he actually is

but to end on a positive note: he has a youthful soul and at his best he's goofy and charismatic, he matures wonderfully and he makes an amazing mayor because he understands the struggles of the lower class and wants to work as hard for them as he can

i have to stop there or else i'll be here all day !!!!! a lot of the canon-related ones are/will be fleshed out in my current diego character study that i'm working on... god i love him he's so layered and interesting!!! and hot too!!!

[chloexwilliams]

. MEET CHLOE WILLIAMS

THREADS | MUSINGS | MIRROR

[ ryan destiny, cisfemale, she/her ] - was that chloe williams i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the��thirty year old who has been in nightrest for her whole life and works as a model/owner of naiad boutique has a reputation of being ambitious, but also blunt. they reside in ashmore & people in town usually associate them with sketches, fabrics strewn around, a closet of heels, and selfies. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.

Chloe was born and raised in Nightrest, her parents settling there when they found out they were expecting. The early years of her childhood were full of laughter and love. Their home was always filled with music either from her father playing guitar, her mother on the piano, or young Chloe trying to join in with her singing. She loved her childhood growing up with her cousins in the same town made the place even more special.

What Chloe never anticipated was to question everything the day her mother up and left, no goodbye and a measly apology note. To say it wrecked her father was an understatement and Chloe felt the need to be strong not just for him but for the both of them. She became hardened, if it wasn't her father or cousins she didn't care. A lot of her friends grew tired of her attitude and anger and her circle grew even smaller.

She worked hard to excel in school though her passions lied in fashion. She started a blog cataloguing outfits she wore and pieces she made and as the rise of social media grew so too did Chloe's presence online. She was scouted to do a few photoshoots for campaigns in Boston while she was taking classes. That led to the next opportunity and then the next. She did finish school with a business degree but wouldn't use it as her modelling career took off.

Chloe loved this path and had big dreams about starting her own fashion line that seemed more and more possible. She met a man who loved her drive and almost rivalled it which she found attractive. When their hookups became more and more frequent she found herself catching feelings. The moment she brought up taking things seriously between them was when she found out he was married. Always the one trying to stay out of drama Chloe found herself right in the middle of it. The relationship continued with promises of divorce and sweet talk bringing her down. A year of inconsistencies and lies Chloe finally cut it off, hating the feeling of being the other woman and worse hating herself for being so naive.

As she settled back into a routine, serious about starting her line and scouting for shop space she got a call. The news of her father's stroke had her returning home without another thought. She was back in the town she'd grown up in a place she never saw herself opening up shop. She became her father's primary care taker and didn't tell anyone about his health.

headcanons/connections

Chloe opened up Naiad Boutique to keep herself busy and has been avoiding long lasting relationships given her history.

She's pretty active on Instagram and has brand deals continue on there, has asked friends and strangers alike to take her photo!

She's a good cook but rarely has people over unless they're really close

idk honestly she's open for any and all connects! can be bratty and annoying but when she cares, she cares deep!

gif credit

[timeturner-jay]

@doomed-bythe-narrative I come bearing propaganda!

Outer Wilds community, this is a rallying cry! With the two darlings of the competition ganging up on us, our chances don't look good, but let's not go down without a fight - if this is the end of the road for us, let's still do all we can to push onward. Hatchling deserves no less, because they themself would do no less.

To all those who haven't played Outer Wilds: be warned. Everything past this point will contain full spoilers for the basegame. If that doesn't deter you, that's your choice, but please know that Outer Wilds is an experience you can only really have once. It's a game where new knowledge is your reward for exploration, so once you understand what's happening, once all the mysteries are solved, you can never go back. And it really is a very special experience, unlike any other. So be warned - turn back now, or have it forever ruined for you.

If you choose to stop here, just know this: Hatchling truly, sincerely, deserves to win this competition. Struggle as they may, they never stood a chance against the narrative. They were doomed from the very start.

Anyway... Here goes.

What a fate, to be born at the end of the universe. What a cruel, cosmic joke, to have your whole life ahead of you, a future filled with dreams and possibilities, only to have any concept of having a future at all ripped from your hands so utterly.

Hatchling is a young astronaut. Well, they're still a rookie, really - after years of hard work, difficult training and passionately studying and translating an ancient alien language, today is the day of their first solo spaceflight. They are so excited to finally see the solar system. They have friends out there, among the stars - fellow travellers that they want to visit, on planets that they want to see. Their space ship is ready. They only need to get the launch codes from the Observatory, and then it's lift-off.

It's a short walk there, right through the village. They pass by their friends and loved ones, people who they've known all their life, kids who they helped raise, who look up to them. They have a conversation with all of them, and say their good-byes. They probably won't be gone for very long, but you never know - an astronaut has disappeared in space before. Everyone misses them dearly, to this day. No one wants Hatchling to share that same fate, and they tell them to come home safe. Hatchling is still, to some extent, a kid themself, after all.

However, once they get to the Observatory for the launch codes, a statue made by those same ancient aliens whose language Hatchling has worked to translate - the Nomai - suddenly activates, seemingly reading their memories, and nothing is the same ever again.

Hatchling goes to their ship and takes off, but they only get a few minutes to enjoy their first flight in space. Suddenly, there's a bright blue light, a searing heat, pain, and then-

Their memories of that day replay, cast back in time.

They wake up, and it's the morning of their first spaceflight.

This time loop is a cruel one. Lasting only 22 minutes, it replays Hatchling's first steps into space again and again. They take off, reach a planet, study some ruins, perhaps meet a fellow traveller they can share a campfire, some marshmallows and some music with - but inevitably, they wake back up where they started, after such a short window of time.

They already know the launch codes. There's no time for good-byes. They head straight to their ship.

They realise, after a while, what that blue light is. It's their sun. It's going supernova, wiping all of them out in one massive, cosmic explosion.

It's their first day. (It's been their first day for a long time now.)

Maybe, they think, there's a reason why they are reliving this same day over and over again. Maybe they can make a difference. Maybe they can stop this somehow. (They're so young and nobody asked them to, but they take that responsibility upon their shoulders. After all, who else could? In order to stop a time loop, you need to be aware that there's a time loop in the first place.)

They've been translating texts they find in the Nomai ruins. The Nomai were trying to find something called The Eye of the Universe, a signal that was apparently older than the universe itself. They had followed it to this star system, only for the signal to suddenly cut off and disappear; the Nomai suffered heavy losses in their attempt to reach it.

It takes a lot of exploration, and many horrible deaths, but Hatchling eventually finds out that these ancients built something called the Ash Twin Project. A complex figuration of different satellites and devices, all with the ultimate goal of locating The Eye. The Nomai had found a way to send memories and information back in time. 22 minutes, to be precise. That way, they could fire the same probe in different directions countless times, a computer would send the result back in time, the probe would fire again, the collective data would be sent back - and eventually, hopefully, after innumerable attempts that never actually happened, the probe would locate The Eye, without any actual time ever passing at all.

It's a neat and tidy plan, and the Nomai had the technology to make it work. A powerful warp core that would allow the data to be transported. Memory statues the Nomai could sync up with to have their own memories be sent back in time once the project was complete, so they could safely turn the whole thing off without risking an infinite time loop.

But something like this requires an incredible power source. The Nomai had come to the conclusion that the only thing powerful enough to fuel their ambitions would be a supernova. So they created a Sun Station to explode the star.

It would be okay, they had reasoned - the supernova would enable the project to send the data back in time, and once The Eye was located, the memory statues would activate and the Nomai would turn the Sun Station off. No actual supernova would ever happen, in their real perception of time.

So perhaps, Hatchling wasn't chosen for this time loop by some grander purpose after all, but instead by pure chance - but that's okay, because they have a solution now. They no longer need to die horrible deaths. They no longer have to watch their loved ones burn, no longer have to watch the village children die.

They can simply turn the Sun Station off, and everything will go back to normal.

There is hope.

(They die a few more horrible deaths, probably, trying to get there.)

And then, as a reward for all their struggles... They find out that they can't turn it off. They can't turn it off, because it never succeeded in the first place; the Sun Station had failed to induce a supernova. The Ash Twin Project had been put into stand-by mode. The Nomai had died, the the cruel chance of a terrible cataclysm.

But for all these years, the Sun Station had kept monitoring the sun. This star has reached the end of its natural life cycle, the read-outs say.

There is no off-switch to a death of old age.

There is nothing they can do, Hatchling realises. They can't save anyone. Not the villagers. Not their fellow travellers. Not the children. Not even themself.

(It's their first day in space. They're still so very, very young.)

They remember what their friend and colleague Chert told them, some loops ago. That they were observing an unusual number of supernovae in the sky lately.

It's not just their own solar system, Hatchling comes to understand. It's everywhere. The whole universe is dying. There's no way out.

They were doomed from the start.

Their story had already reached its end before they had even realised that it had begun.

In the end, even though the Ash Twin Project had been powered by a natural supernova rather than an artificial one, it had been powered nonetheless, and it had done what it was made to do - it had, in fact, located the Eye of the Universe. Hatchling finds its coordinates where they have sunken to the core of an ocean planet.

They also find the mothership in which the Nomai had arrived here in the first place. It can warp, that's how they used to travel. It can arrive at any destination in no time at all. But its warp core is broken, so if Hatchling wants to put an end to this once and for all and fulfill the Nomai's ancient dream of finding the Eye, they will need to replace it.

They know where a functional, powerful warp core is located, of course.

It's what's powering this time loop. It's what's keeping them alive. Them, and all their loved ones. It's what's keeping the universe on life support, in repeating segments of 22 minutes that no one ever remembers.

There's no point in continuing the loop, no way to save anyone, but removing that warp core must have still been the most difficult thing Hatchling has ever done. Everyone is going to die anyway (everyone has died and died and died again for hundreds of years without even knowing), but it is still Hatchling who has to seal their fate, who has to condemn them to that one, final death.

They take the warp core out of the Ash Twin Project.

The time loop ends, its beating, mechanical heart clutched in the hands of a single, young astronaut.

The trip to the Nomai's ship is a hazardous one, and perhaps in some timelines, they don't make it there at all. Perhaps in some timelines, they simply die before they can see this through to the end, or perhaps the anxiety wins over and they run away (they soon find out that there's nowhere to run to, in a dying universe, and their ship's supplies were only meant for a short journey), and without the warp core to power the loop, that is how the universe ends. Silently, and without witness.

But in some timelines, Hatchling makes it to the Nomai ship, warp core in hand and coordinates in mind, and they make the jump.

And there it is, the Eye of the Universe.

What happens there is strange and confounding. A signal older than the universe itself, it seems to exist in some liminal space outside of everything. Time doesn't seem to really exist, here.

On the Eye, Hatchling finds a forest, and from there, they watch the universe die around them. Supernovae glow and flare like fireflies and then go out, whole galaxies scatter apart like campfire embers.

And then, everything goes dark. And everything is gone.

(Everyone Hatchling has ever known and loved is dead. Are they even still alive, themself? They're not sure, here in this place where time and space are meaningless.)

And then there is a flicker, a spark, a campfire, a familiar melody. They meet old friends, there in that ancient, impossible glade. They're not really there, of course - perhaps they're memories come alive, perhaps they're simply echoes of people who have died, or perhaps it doesn't really matter. Hatchling finds them anyway, and brings them together for one final song around the campfire.

Out of the smoke, new futures form.

And with a conscious observer there to witness them, the quantum infinity of possibilities narrows down and collapses into one.

The last thing Hatchling sees before they die is the beautiful, magnificent blaze of a new universe exploding into being.

But as hopeful of a thing as that is... This future is not meant for them.

Their own universe still ended, in painful and horrible ways they had to relive countless times, and they do not get to exist in this new one. They still died, their life cut so tragically short, and so did everyone they ever loved. Their friends. Their mentors. The villagers who raised them. The children they helped raise.

They all deserved to have a future.

Instead, Hatchling had to be the instrument that sealed their fate. Theirs, and their own, too.

(Hatchling, too, was still so young. It was their very first day. It was their last day.)

All their work and progress, all their struggle and desperate hope, all their self-sacrifice... All in vain, in the end.

They were doomed before they'd even begun.

Doomed by the Narrative: Side A - Round 3

[yasminsqueendom]

6. From 0 to 60

WC: 4590

TW/CW: None. Micky throws a tantrum

Erik sat outside of Micky’s apartment, waiting for her to grab some more stuff. He'd enjoyed their session in the shower, but he could tell something was distracting her. Even when he was deep in her guts, she had a spaced out look about her. It made him wonder if he wasn't slanging dick the way he used to. Insecurity was a new feeling for him, and he didn't like it. 

Knock knock knock. He rolled down the window to let her speak. "Got everything?"

"Yeah. Should I follow you?" She looked so fucking cute. Erik wanted to take her right in the hood of his car, but he knew she'd never go for it. She's already kinda afraid of me. 

"Yeah. I'll get you a guest pass when we get back to the crib."

She bounced over to her tiny Chevy, and waited for him to lead the way. 

Back at his place they ate the rest of the pizza she ordered. They sat in his living room on the floor, eating on the coffee table. Both of them were so hungry they didn't speak for a while. Erik couldn't get his earlier thoughts out of his mind. Was she pulling away from him or was everything cool. He observed her eating in silence until she caught his eye.

"Now, who's staring at who?" She chuckled a little at the slightly offended look on his face. 

"What did you want to ask me earlier?" He finished wiping his hand and moved to sit back on the couch. Micky followed him.

"Huh?" She looked confused.

"You too young to be that forgetful." Teasing her was so easy. He laughed at her to make it worse. "Earlier, before you showed me what that mouth could do."

She had the nerve to blush a little after how she showed out earlier. "Oh. That."

He waited patiently. Micky would eventually gather the nerve to ask what she wanted to know. She had a habit of hesitating before she followed through.

"Oh. Um. I just noticed you got a new scar on your arm. Is that one on purpose? Like the others?"

"Yes. You remember what I told you before?"

She thought for a minute. "Yes. It's ritualistic. Represents certain accomplishments to you." She paused. "So what is that one for?"

Killing Clarence. He wanted so badly to say it, but he knew she would only be more afraid of him. "A successful mission." It wasn't entirely a lie. He made it his mission to make sure Clarence never harassed another woman.

"Oh, like your work. Protecting people. Saving lives and shit." She looked at him adoringly. 

"Saving lives and shit." He nodded to confirm her line of thinking. This was safer than the alternative. And the way she looked at him right now, like he was a hero, made him want to never ruin the image for her. "Can I ask you something, now?"

"Sure." She looked attentive.

"What did you do all day?" Not exactly the most important thing on his mind, but it was a safe topic.

"I was writing. After this morning, it was like the floodgates opened. I been feeling so down lately. No inspiration at all. I hated everything. I had this block in my mind. And then it came to me." There was a light in her eyes when she talked about writing. He loved to see the passion fill her up like nothing else could. 

"What did you write about?" She suddenly looked shy like she didn't want to tell him. "Did you write about me?"

"Not everything is about you! Damn."

"Still. Did you?" He really wanted to know.

"No I didn't. I wrote about a woman. A badass woman with a mysterious past who rescues a clueless dude. They're both trying to figure out why someone is trying to kill him, but they don't know yet." She paused again. "I don't know yet honestly."

"Huh. What are their names?" Please don't stop talking. I love your voice. "What do they do for a living?"

"Her name is Erin. I haven't picked a name for him yet. Ten pages in, and I still keep calling him insert name. Haha."

"Why not call him Michael?" 

She looked mad at him. "Why? Like how my name is Mikaela. Am I a damsel in distress, nigga?"

"No, but it sounds like he doesn't know what makes him special. And neither do you." There is so much. 

"Well, what makes me special then?" She pursed her lips like she had an attitude. Cute ass.

"Your brain for one."

"Erik!" 

"I'm not talking about your dick sucking skills.  I mean your actual brain." Of course she would think that's what I meant. "You're smart as hell. Creative. You think about things from a perspective that's so different. When I can't figure some shit out, I try to approach it from another angle like you would. Or just try to take it apart like Shuri would."

Micky stared at him for a long time. He wondered if he had offended her somehow. The only way to know was to wait and see.

"You think I'm smart like Shuri?" She sounded like she was in utter disbelief.

"No. Not like Shuri. You both have your own kind of intelligence. When I need a softer approach to a problem, I try to think like you would. When I need a technical one, I think like her. When I wanna tear some shit up, I'm just being me." They both laughed at that. "That's all. And that's just the first thing about you."

"Well…..what else is there?" She looked really engaged now. This wasn't the kind of conversation they usually had. It had been years since they'd spent this much uninterrupted time together. Work always got in the way.

"There's your compassion. You care a lot. More than I do most of the time. It doesn't work for my living, but I think you could make it work for you. You could be a teacher. Teach a creative writing class at community or something. Help people learn to express themselves in new ways. Or maybe tutoring. You have that vibe about you." He hadn't spoken a single lie to her. He really believed in her.

"You think so?" She still didn't quite believe him. "Really?"

"Hell yeah. You could work in a daycare. Teaching little kids to read and write. Or own a daycare of your own. So many possibilities. You can do it all." 

Micky seemed to really be chewing on his words. He hoped she wouldn't go back to retail. She never seemed happy whenever she talked about working in clothing stores.

"There's also resilience. You bounce back from fucked up shit, including me. I'm not proud of my part in your pain. I really do apologize for being a piece of shit boyfriend. I wanna do better by you this time." She opened her mouth to speak, but he talked first. "I mean...you could also do nursing or something. You could help people heal from their fucked up shit because you know what it's like. Or like a therapist." He knew he'd let too much slip, and Micky was too smart to let him forget it.

"This time? You want to get back together? Like officially?" She looked suspicious as fuck.

"I want to be with you. And I know I said I was okay just being friends. Honestly, I am. I don't want to push you into anything." He took a breath. "And the fact of the matter is, work will call me away again. And I will be gone for weeks at a time."

"I know. I know what you do is important. And yeah we just had this conversation. As nice as it sounds, I just don't think I'm in the right headspace for a committed relationship."

He had to know. "Have you tried with other people in between all the times we been together?"

"A few times. But they were never more than one-night stands. And a lot of alcohol was involved. I just couldn't find a replacement. There wasn't another you."

That was honest. "Maybe you shouldn't be looking for another me. You'll always be disappointed. That's all I've done to you anyway. Maybe look for something else."

"No you haven't. Not now that I know what's going on. I'm only disappointed that you didn't tell me sooner. I think I would have understood."

"It still wouldn't be fair to keep you on lock, when you could have something special with someone else."

"I didn't want something special with someone else. I wanted you. I would have been happy knowing that you were coming back to me. Rather than just hoping."

"There is still no guarantee. My work is dangerous."

"So you keep reminding me. But I'd be cool with it if I knew you were actually mine. And not just a fling."

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, lost in thought, until he finally spoke again.

"I love you, Micks. And I would be willing to try anything you wanna try. And I can deal with it if you don't wanna try anything at all." Well, it's out there now.

He watched her face as she sat in stunned silence thinking about his words. She had to think he was either crazy or full of shit. Despite having known each other for years, they hadn't spent a lot of that time together. There was so much more to learn about each other. So much that she had to learn about him. He wanted her to be everything she could be, and more. He wanted….

"I don't know how to react to that. A few days ago I was full of resentment, trying to convince myself to block your number so I could finally let you go. And then you texted me and I thought to myself we were gonna fuck a few times and you'd disappear again. I was ready for that. I can still be ready for that. I don't know if I'm ready for this."

Not surprising, since I probably will be gone in a few days.

"Look, I'm never gonna lie to you. Not about this. I'll probably be on another job in the next week. It may take me far away where I can't even call to check up on you for both of our safety. It's just a part of being with me."

"Yup. I know. And I know you wouldn't lie about that. I think I like things the way they are. That way if you come home with some girl with a baby on the way, I won't snap and kill both of y'all."

Erik didn't know what to say to that. That was the boldest thing he'd ever heard come out of her mouth. It turned him on in ways he couldn't quite put into words. "That won't be a problem. I don't fuck around on the job. I get paid to do shit right, and that would only complicate things."

"Uh huh."

"Deadass. I don't play about my money."

"If you say so. All I'm saying is that I loved you before. And you walked away from me. I don't want to feel like that again."

"I understand."

"I mean that shit."

"Oh I know. I'm surprised you willingly came here. I figured you wouldn't want to be up under me like that."

"Well you did break my futon." She rolled her eyes playfully.

"I had help."

"Nigga fuck you!" She laughed. "You ain't shit, you know that?"

"Yeah. But I'm your ain't shit nigga." 

She paused. "For now I guess."

He reached over to pull her across his couch and into his arms. "For now?" He ran a hand up and down her back as she laid her head on his chest. 

"I know you not rubbing ya greasy ass hands on my shirt." 

"First of all, calm ya black ass down. I used a napkin."

She pushed herself up off of him. "Them little thin cheap ass napkins don't clean shit. Go wash ya hands."

"You go wash ya hands. Thinking cuz you cute I won't box you getting oil on my damn couch."

"You get on my fucking nerves." She was steady switching her ass to the kitchen, though. 

"You betta had." 

That made her stop at the kitchen entrance. "Who the fuck are you talking to?"

"Turn ya punk ass back around, ma. Don't start acting tough just cuz a nigga love you." Try me, little girl.

She crossed her arms over her chest and stood there, glaring at him like she wasn't the one with the greasy hands. "Make me."

Erik felt his dick jump. If Micky wasn't careful, she was going to be scared again. "What was that, ma?" He spoke quietly.

Despite her standing her ground, he could tell that it was finally getting through her hard head just how soft her ass was. She was probably rethinking the afternoon, and how he'd looked at her then. "You heard me." There was no conviction in her voice, but she was committed to the tough girl act.

Erik didn't speak again. He just stood up and walked over to her, grabbing her wrist on the way into the kitchen. He pulled her all the way to the sink, wrapped his arm around both of hers and started washing her hands himself. Micky bore it all in open confusion. What did she think I was gonna do? 

He released her with a slap on her ass. "Next time I tell you to do something, you do that shit. You hear me?"

"Uh…..yes?" She was obviously shocked that he'd dragged her into the kitchen just to wash her hands. 

"Yes what?" Erik still had standards. His hands were clean. Hers needed to be clean too if she was going to lay on his furniture. 

"Yes, Daddy." 

"Good girl."

"I…."

"Thought I was gonna hit you?"

"I don't know. I just….don't know."

"I would never do that. Why would you think that?" Now he felt a little concerned. He felt anger as much as anyone else, but it never drove him to do anything. By the time he got his revenge, or executed a plan, the anger was burned away and replaced by something else. In this case he'd wanted her hands clean, and that's what he did, cleaned them. Why would she expect anything else?

"No, I. Uhhhh. I didn't necessarily think you were gonna hit me. I guess I just didn't know what to expect."

"Let's go back." He walked past her again, this time letting her walk on her own. "Come here." He pulled her back onto his chest. She shifted a little until she was comfortable, her ear right over his heart.

"I just wish we could stay this way." He could hear the longing in her voice. It made him sad that he couldn't give her what she wanted. 

"All I can give you is right now."

"Then, let's enjoy it." She tilted her head up to look at him.

"What you wanna do?" He loved her face, and the openness in her eyes.

"We already have the chill part down. Let's watch something." She reached for the remote. "Comedy or horror?" She turned on his TV and started scrolling through his Netflix.

"Comedy." He hated horror. They never got the actual details of blood spatter and such right. It was an annoying thing. Erik knew what horror was, he saw it regularly. He couldn't tolerate the fake shit.

Micky scrolled until she found an old Katt Williams stand up special. Netflix had a bunch of them. She was asleep on his chest within minutes, snoring softly. Erik just lay there enjoying the sound of her rhythmic breathing. They hadn't been this intimate since the last time they were 'official'. It felt so good.

Eventually, he slept too. 

Micky woke up alone on the sofa. Anxiety immediately overcame her senses. Did he leave? She called his name quietly at first, and then a little louder. Her phone screen told her it was nearly 4am. 

She got up and walked to the bathroom. After she was finished there she went to his bedroom. He wasn't sleeping there, but a light was on in his closet. The sound of voice whispering came through the crack in the sliding door. She went to it and peaked inside. Erik sat on a stool, still wearing last night's clothes, with his back turned toward the door. He was speaking a language she didn't recognize, it didn't sound serious by his tone. 

"Hey." She spoke quietly, but he heard her. He jumped up and turned fast, a small blade in his hand pointed at her. Micky froze in place.

"Dammit, woman. You can't sneak up on me like that!" He lowered the blade, but he didn't put it away. "You good?"

"Uhhhh. Yeah. I just woke up and you were gone. I thought….." I thought you left me. "I thought you were sleep in your room, but then I saw the light on in here."

His shoulders began to relax. The adrenaline was draining from him. Micky noticed a beaded bracelet on his left wrist. He saw her eyes move, and lifted his arm to show her.

"It's from back home in Wakanda. It belonged to my father."

"Were you talking to it?" She had heard his voice in here. "I didn't think you were religious. Were you praying?"

"No I wasn't. I called home. I was speaking to my aunt. Apparently Shuri told her about you, and now she's trying to mind my business, too." He looked annoyed.

"Oh." Micky looked around his closet. It had been a long time since she'd been in here. He kept it so neat. All his shirts were organized from white to black. Same with the pants.  Shoes all shiny and stacked on racks on the opposite side from the clothes. There was a safe built into the back wall of the closet. "Why were you calling her at 4 in the morning? Is she in Wakanda, too?"

"Yeah. It's afternoon there. I didn't want to wake you." He looked tired. 

"Your phone is in the other room. How were you talking to her?" It seemed like a really important detail in Micky's mind.

"It's the kimoyo beads. They let me contact my family directly when I need to. They can reach me this way, too." He held out the bracelet for her. 

She took it and examined it carefully.  Little symbols were carved onto each one. She pulled two of the beads gently and they came apart just enough for her to see that they weren't held together with string or chain like she originally thought. There was nothing between them at all. "Are they magnets? What do the symbols mean?" She looked back at him, watching him watch her. 

"They are magnetic, but there's more to it. Even if they are on opposite sides of the room they will pull toward each other with a simple command. They will separate at the opposite command. Each bead serves a purpose, that's what the symbols mean. One of the beads is for vocal communication. All together they create a projected image of the person, or people, you're communicating with."

Micky just stared at him for a minute. This little thing does all that? Impossible. "That's some futuristic shit."

"It's actually one of the oldest forms of communication we have in Wakanda." Erik's face was very serious. He wasn't playing around with her. He believed everything he said to her. 

"Show me." If it was all true then he could prove it.

"Biza Shuri." He spoke it so fluently that Micky wondered suddenly why she never heard an accent. She considered asking him if he was born in the States when Shuri's voice filled the room as though she stood right there.

"Hello? Cousin, why do you interrupt me while I'm working?"

"Shuri? It's Micky." There was a long pause.

"Is Erik alright? Why are you calling me on his kimoyo bracelet when you have my number?"

"Yes I'm fine Shuri. I was explaining how the beads work to Micky." Erik interrupted before she got carried away.

"Oooooh. Oh I see. You're teaching her about your home. You must really like her to do that." Shuri's bubbly laugh reverberated throughout the room. "Ndibonise." 

Suddenly, Shuri's face materialized above Micky's hand. She almost dropped the beads in surprise. "Holy shit!" She hadn't meant to swear in front of Erik's little cousin, but she wasn't prepared for this. 

Shuri was visible from the shoulders up. She had cornrows in her hair with little golden cuffs and beads dotting a little crown at the top of her head. Her eyes were a warm brown, with a mischievous twinkle. She looked young, maybe mid-teens. She smiled up at Micky with small white teeth. Micky noticed she was thin, and probably short, but none of that dimmed the obvious intelligence in her face. 

"Wow. You're even more beautiful like this. I cannot wait to see you in person." Shuri gushed at her.

"What? Me? Look at you!" The rest of Shuri's words finally sunk in. "What do you mean more beautiful like this?"

"I have seen all your social media. I know what you look like. And your blog is amazing! Your writing is succinct, yet very expressive. I look forward to all the things you will do with it in the future."

Micky felt overwhelmed. No one had ever complimented her writing like that. She had a few followers that showed up purely for the smut, but that was all. She'd read a couple of poems to Erik back when they had been an item, but poetry was never his preference. And now, a genius teenager loved her writing.

"Ummm wow. Thank you! I take that as the highest compliment I've gotten in a while." 

"You haven't posted anything recently. Please don't ever stop writing. You're great at it!" Micky was so moved that she couldn't speak. "Listen, I must go. We will talk soon." And her face was gone. 

She likes my writing. I can't believe it. Someone I admire likes my writing. Micky wanted to cry. She was still staring at the beads in her hand, not entirely sure what to do with them. They were warm in her hand from the recent use. This is amazing. 

She probably would have stood there for much longer if Erik didn't reach out and gently lift the kimoyo beads from her hand. “You good?” He looked concerned. Micky must have been standing there longer than she thought.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just….What else should I know about you?” What in the Star Wars is this shit?

“There is a lot about me that you don’t know. It never seemed important to mention it before.”

“Never seemed important. All the things I’ve confided in you and you can’t trust me?” She didn’t know where all her anger was coming from. Days of family stress was finally bubbling up to the surface.

“Why you acting like this? I told you I do work for the military. You already knew I had family from another country. All the extra shit don’t matter.”

“It does matter. It matters that you don’t trust me. It matters that you have a whole other life that I know nothing about.” At this point, Micky felt like she couldn’t stop her mouth. All the feelings she’d held back came pouring out. “Why do you even pretend like you care about me? You don’t have any problems fucking me, asking me all kinds of personal questions about my family and who I been with while you been gone. I can’t even know your mom’s name. What type of shit is that?”

Erik looked at her for a solid 10 seconds before he spoke again. “Don’t ever in your life raise your voice at me again. I don’t yell at you, so don’t do it to me.”

Micky was stunned. After everything she said, he tells her not to yell. “Fuck you, Erik.” She walked out of his closet, and back to the living room to grab her bag. I need to get out of here. She almost screamed when she turned around and Erik was standing directly behind her. “Erik, what the hell!”

“I wasn’t finished talking.” His voice was level, but his eyes were darker. He was slowly changing into that other Erik. Micky needed to leave. 

“I don’t care, E. I need to go. I need air.” Please just let me go.

“Okay. But, I need to talk to you about this. There are legitimate reasons why I haven’t had this conversation with you before. I want you to be a part of my life, but there is so much going on.”

“Please let me leave. I need to drive, or walk or something.”

Erik moved aside. She pulled her backpack over one shoulder, and left. I just need to get out of here. I feel claustrophobic here. 

Erik was confused as fuck. Micky’s behavior was unexpected, but he thought he knew what was going on. In just 72 hours, she’d lost her job, been abused by her mother, chewed out by her grandma, and threatened by her brother. Three days in and the week was only half over. The stress was getting to her, and she was starting to snap on him because the pressure was too much. It hurt his heart to see her suffer, but she needed to work these problems out in her own way. He could tell her anything he wanted to, but none of it would matter if she wasn’t ready to heal yet.

He was certain that she would realize her overreaction in time, but she needed space now, and he would give it to her. The only problem was that work could come calling at any time, and he would have to leave her. The ideal situation would have been for him to spend as much time with her as possible while he could. Unfortunately, Micky had problems coming from every other direction at the same time. Patience was going to be the only thing that got him through. And he had a lot of it to spare.

While Erik was lost in his thoughts, his hands worked to clean up the pizza box, and plates they’d eaten off of. He noticed a drool stain on his couch where Micky slept earlier. It equally annoyed, and warmed his heart. His perfect little brat was a pain in his ass. He could never stay angry at someone so damn cute. 

He reached for his phone. 4:20am. Erik almost laughed. He wanted to blaze up, but work required him sober, and it had been years since he smoked. The urge was strong, though. Nah. I’ma wait. 

He finished wiping her spit off of the couch, and reclined on it again. At some point, he blinked and it was 7 in the morning. Micky hadn’t texted or called him. He assumed she went home for some alone time. Rather than worrying about her anymore, he got ready for another long day at work. Micky would call him when she was in the right mindset, again.

Next Chapter

[iworshipsappho]

rose quartz and coral <3

ahh hii <33

rose quartz— what’s your love language (romantic or platonic)? ooh i feel like my main love language is physical touch, like i enjoy hugging cuddling and just hand holding in general. i like being physically close to the people i love ykn. the next closest wud probably be words of affirmation ig i need the constant reassurance but also like taking care of others and calming them down

if we're thinking about less conventional ones its probably just telling them about my day or listening to someone talk about smth they're passionate about. i tend to get annoyed really quickly if im bored but when its someone whose company i actually enjoy i can listen to them talk for hours :]]

coral— what’s something you’re passionate about? not sure if passionate is the exact word rn, but when i grow up i wanna make a change. i wanna make the world a better easier place for queer youth. especially queer youth like me who were never really fully represented in media and didn't have much to relate to. as an aspiring writer i wanna write about things that i could've had, experiences that i wanted, needed in my life and queer journey. a journey which is still ongoing.

also im passionate about the english language in general idk ahsdsjfkg. english literature and the intricacies of the language are very intriguing to me. all languages have their own speciality, but somehow english lights this spark in me that makes me wanna dig deep and learn all the tricks and tips to it and how to bend it to my will. even from a very young age i had a flair for the language and knew that i wanted to write and create with it, so yeah probably that ashdjdkgh

[mimosita]

Hello, I was browsing and came across that post asking about successful deradicalisations (november 7, 2022). I'm a case of that. Though I'm too embarrassed to talk about it openly off-anon, if that makes sense. I hope this doesn't come off as weird.

I went down the pipeline when I was in highschool (14 y/o or so). Far-right communities online appear as "supportive bros who offer lots of advice" to specially vulnerable people, but under all of that there's a whole bunch of harsh judgement and an environment that conditions these people to see their personal struggles as tied to their value as a person. So if you have second thoughts about the community or are personally hurt/upset that people are being hurt by any part of the rhetoric, you're just "not virtuous enough" and automatically "lesser". Also, they constantly repeat the message that once you're in you can never leave and that they're your only protection because everyone else in the world wants kill you on sight. TL;DR: it's all very cultish.

I can't describe the process as clearly as I'd like, because it happened during quite a turbulent time, but from what I remember: I think just turning into an adult helped a lot. I started getting a slightly clearer sense of what kind of person I wanted to be, what would make me happier, what I wanted to bring to people around me, etc, and started to realize that those places I hung out in didn't reflect any of that. Also, I had a major mental health crisis and that was the last straw that convinced me to finally get therapy. Other things that help are finding things you're passionate of, learning new things and exploring other perspectives that will help you deprogram yourself, stop being online 24/7, make an effort to meet new people. I didn't find a de-radicalization support group, but I've heard they can be great help too.

I want to emphasize one thing, though, and that is the DECISION part. If someone had tried to get me a therapist or told me that what I was doing was wrong and hateful a couple of years back, I wouldn't have listened at all. Reminding the person that there's a whole world outside all that garbage and offering support if they ever change their mind can help, but getting out is a personal decision that only the person themselves can take. I really wish driving people away from hate was as easy as telling them "Don't do that, here's why: _", but that's unfortunately almost never the case.

Anyways, sorry for placing this massive wall of broken English in your askbox. Have a happy 2023

Thank you for sharing this! I can see it is really personal and I imagine it is hard to talk about this experience.

I understand the context around your process. You were very young and that sense of being a part of a community (however hurtful) is strong. Belonging is a very human need, having a group of people to share and who you feel would have your back is understandably alluring.

What you said about being protected from the 'outside world' is super true! I've seen this with my friend. She feels everyone outside her "church" is dangerous and will hurt her.

I'm so happy that you not only got out of there but that you got better overall in your life. A healthy environment and curiosity and openness to approach the world are key factors.

And yes! I agree that it is something that can't be forced. It's difficult to know how to talk to someone who is so deep into those circles. It seems that no arguments can make a point. I still believe that genuine love can make a change.

Ahhh and don't worry! English isn't my first language and I often make mistakes haha

Thank you for sharing your process and for giving me new insights into how radicalization works.

[devcted]

it's a concept she doesn't really understand, dating someone because it was what other people wanted and not because you truly wanted to be with that person but she knows she can't exactly judge knowing what she did with dean wasn't so different using him a distraction and being with him knowing he wanted her but the feeling wasn't mutual. regulus mocks dean but is bee a bad person for leading someone on for months? for also hurting regulus by letting him see her with someone who wasn't him? she wishes she could go back in time and tell the boy how she felt, she's unsure if it would make too much of a difference considering his situation but at least he would know that it wasn't because she didn't feel anything, that their kiss meant nothing when it meant everything. "being a teenager is supposed to be easy, life isn't supposed to be this hard until we're old." she sighs, pouting a bit. "when I was little I always imagined I would meet my prince and that would be it, like cinderella or something they don't exactly prepare you for arranged relationships and semi-rebounds when you're young." she says jokingly.

she truly can't imagine how regulus must've felt, being stuck with someone who wasn't his person for as long as he was. she was lucky enough to have things end with dean after a couple months, but over a year of pretending to be someone you aren't? she feels terrible for him and almost for daphne too because the girl was falling for a boy who would never love her and she already knew that feeling thinking she was that girl for regulus and not daphne, even if the blonde has been rather cruel to her she wouldn't wish that kind of heartbreak on anyone, because regulus is a once in a lifetime moment, something you can never get over as you close your eyes and see those green ones looking back at you. it wasn't fair, to any of them because the adults in their lives wanted to control every aspect. "you shouldn't resent her, she was forced into this too...it's not her fault she fell for you I mean it's kind of hard not to even if her reasons are shallow." she shrugs, bee tries not to hate anyone even if that's a hard thing to do going to school with the wesley twins and their older brother percy. she smirks at his words because they're sweet, shaking her head a little. "am I really that special?" she says softly, it warms her heart to think about it even if the situation is kind of terrible knowing you have to give up your family just to be happy. "she only bullied me because you're such a prize." bee teases. she should feel bad for going after someone else's boyfriend but it's hard to care.

she giggles at the way he taunts dean again, shaking her head. "well you're right about one thing, he really hates it when things don't go his way. he was so pissed off that I didn't tell him what I was allergic too because you made him look like an ass." she giggles thinking about how it was a weird reaction to be angry at her for being allergic to something. she rolls her eyes at his joke. "I think he's too scared of you to do anything about it, that's why he was busy yelling at me about everything he didn't like about you instead of you know, confronting you." the more she thinks about it the more she sees what a dick her ex boyfriend was, as if it was her fault regulus didn't like him.

"I let you stick your tongue in my mouth after less than two hours of knowing you and you were that confused? what kind of girl do you take new for regulus black?" she says teasingly, shaking her head. "you're no bad boy, as much as you'd let people believe it..." she purrs, nuzzling against him with a smirk. "you're just cute, kind of nerdy and I've never met a teenage boy so prim and proper." she giggles because these are things she actually loves about him more than anything else, his curious and passionate side something that he doesn't seem to show to many people. she giggles scrunching her nose a little at his words as she smiles brightly. "it's not the same kind of favoritism, cedric isn't a guy he's my brother...he can't give me the same things I want from you." she hums, eyes looking up into his as her teeth tug at her lower lip.

bee didn't mean to get so emotional and it was almost embarrassing that she let her feelings get to her so easily that she tears up over this. but being enough for someone meant everything, especially when that someone was the boy she loved. "it's okay, because it just makes being enough for you that much more special." she smiles, sniffing back a tear as she nuzzles her nose against his own as he rests his forehead against her own, confirming that he never belonged to the blonde, her delicate fingers brush against his cheek. this was everything she could've wanted, to be together, to hold and love each other it makes her the happiest girl in the world to know that even when he was with the other girl he was still hers somewhere deep inside. she smiles against his lips, a shaky breath falling past her lips as she bites down on them, hanging only his every word as he tells her of all the times he thought about her, everyoment of every day even when he was with his girlfriend. she hums, biting down on her bottom lip. "did it feel good? thinking about me when you shouldn't?" she teases. "k owing how bad it is?"

"I already am." she purrs in response to his words, her fingers tracing against his soft skin, his cheek looking so beautiful in the palm of her hand. her hand moving a bit lower as fingers brush down his neck again and to his chest, her lips just barely ghosting against his own. he brings up the rumors again, making her frown a bit because she hated that he had such a reputation when he was the best person she ever knew and even if they were true he had to have his reason right? because his parents forced him or he was fooled into thinking he was fighting for the right cause because that's all regulus wanted to do, was help and to take care of those who needed him. she kisses him softly and quickly "who am I to deny fate? I was brought to you for a reason but I know who you are regulus... you're not a bad person no matter what others might say about you." she whispers, a soft gasp leaving her when his hand comes around her throat, choking her just a little that it makes her eyes flutter. "I wanna be your girl." kissing him deeply and almost messy as her tongue brushes against his own for a moment before he begins to suck at her lower lip

bee hums, smiling warmly. "you wouldn't call it dealing with now but then I have my manic and depressive episodes..." she mumbles, sighing softly. she's not trying to argue or discourage him she just wants him to know what he's got in store for him, telling someone she's bipolar is a lot different from them actually seeing it, it's not exactly pretty and she knows he has enough to deal as it is. "I don't wanna scare you off reggie, I wanna prepare you." she smiles sadly, of anything she hopes he's different from most people.

it's probably silly but she wants her fairytale romance, she wants to get together in a way that they'll tell their future children a few years from now, telling them how the fell in love on a train but they made their love official under a full moon, no daphne or dean to get in their way after so long of waiting for each other.

but for now she'll enjoy what she can give him, letting him touch her in a way they both desire as his hands move down to tug up the skirt of her dress, tugging it up as his hand slips down to squeeze her bottom cheek. bee shivers a little, she kisses him deeply muffled moan falling past her lips at the way he massages it. she's always wondered what it would feel like to be touched by him, his fingers against her smooth skin doing whatever he wants with her body, her fingers tug at his sweater a little pulling him in even closer as their tongues roll against each other, giggling a little at his words she lets out a gentle hum. "and it's all yours." bee whispers nibbling down on his bottom lip .

He wonders what it would be like to be Dean; to forever know you lost Bee Diggory and that you were just someone she settled for. He would feel sorry for him if he didn’t hate him so much for daring to kiss the love of his life. “Don’t feel bad, beautiful. I did the same…I didn’t even like Daphne but I agreed to date her because our families wished it.” He only tolerated her because she was his best friend’s sister and an important family friend, but to have to pretend to want her was the most difficult thing he’d ever done. 

He just doesn’t care about the spoiled girl who is callous about werewolf rights and more interested in lavish parties and status than real connections with other people. Bee is kind and soft where Daphne is cold and proper, a mirror of everything he hated about his life but still somehow strived for out of a need for his family. He’s tired of that need, festering in him like some kind of cancer. “I should probably care about her right now, but I don’t… Maybe I resent her for being the reason why my parents will hate me.” He doesn’t even realize it’s the truth until it leaves his lips, but Daphne has taken the brunt of his frustration with his parents since they started dating. He frowns thoughtfully, looking away as he realizes how many complicated emotions he suppressed about the girl, to the point he’s treating her so poorly he’s even cheating. “With you, it’s different…I think I care about you more than I fear losing them. I couldn’t let you cry like that.” He shrugs, thinking about what they’d just talked about. “And she bullied you, so getting cheated on and dumped is only a warm-up for what’s coming to her.” It makes him irritated again just thinking about it; the two girls bullying Bee when she wouldn’t lift a finger to hurt them or ever speak badly on them. She probably wouldn’t even defend herself, if given the chance. She’s too sweet for this world; too sweet for Regulus, too.

He smirks a little at her words before adding, “Calling them proud is a strange way of saying Dean has a fragile ego and would throw a tantrum if the wind blew the wrong direction.” He doesn’t hate all Gryffindors like most Slytherins do; in fact, he likes quite a few of them. But they still tend to irritate him and Dean is at the top of his list. “Don’t tell Dean you were just settling,” he says teasingly. “He’ll try to get the Daily Prophet to run an article on You-Know-Who’s right-hand man infiltrating Hogwarts and stealing his helpless girlfriend. Because we all know he couldn’t lose her any other way.” Sarcasm is laced in his voice, but his tone is light-hearted.

He hums at her words, allowing his fingers to slowly comb through strands of her soft hair. “Could you blame me for not knowing what the perfect Bee Diggory wanted? I wasn’t sure if she liked bad boys so much…” There’s a hint of irony to his words, since he knows he’s mostly a prep. But he’s also a death eater, which she doesn’t know yet, and that hangs over them, unspoken. 

He’s lucky to be Bee’s friend, as well as Cedric’s now. It’s why he was invited to her party last year, getting to spend time with her without Daphne watching nearby for once. “Your favorite?” It makes him happy to hear it, even if it probably should be obvious by now. “If I’m beating out even Cedric, your obsession must be serious. Having such a beautiful girl worship at my feet… What if I get an ego the size of Dean’s?”

She’s so cute when she tears up that it makes his chest ache, her watery gaze falling as she sniffs a little. It’s hard to believe that no one has told her she’s perfect before and it makes him upset, because how could anyone think Bee needs to prove her worth when she’s already so incredible that she doesn’t feel real? “I’m sorry the people in your life failed you… They should’ve told you how special you are. Don’t apologize, my love— I would’ve given anything to know you wanted me sooner.” Maybe it should’ve been obvious because of that first kiss on the train, but things only became complicated at school, and the youngest Diggory was too skilled at hiding her feelings and making herself smaller.

He shakes his head, when she ponders if Daphne was ever his. Their foreheads are pressed together, Regulus’s lips ghosting over hers. His stomach flutters and it’s a feeling he’s never had with anyone before her, spreading lower and making him feel hot. He never knew it was possible to have so much desire for anyone until he first laid eyes on her, desperately trying to heave her trunk up the stairs on the Hogwarts Express.

She pokes further, asking about the times he shouldn’t have thought about her but did. He presses a soft kiss to her lips, slow and gentle, before responding. “Every time I shouldn’t,” he repeats vaguely, because he’s not quite sure how much she wants to know. “When you were around, when you weren’t… When I was alone.” The words feel heavy because it’s all too obvious what he means by it. “Sometimes it was the only way I could stand Daphne without pushing her off…” He feels a little guilty for how disgusted he is with her, but she isn’t the girl he loves; not even a little bit.

Bee’s fingers make him shiver, trailing from his neck to his cheek as she tells him she could touch him better than Daphne. “Show me,” he urges her as her thumb traces his cheek. He swallows a little nervously, because she’s so sure she sees all of him, but does she see the worst parts too?

“And what if the rumors were true and I was evil? Would you touch me then?” he asks gently, leaning his cheek into her palm. “You’re just such a good girl, Bee…” He says her name carefully, his voice warmer than usual, his lips close to hers. He presses another kiss to her soft mouth, moving slowly to taste her lips. Running his tongue along the inside of her bottom lip, a soft moan leaves him again, his hand moving to gently wrap around her throat. Squeezing his fingers against her neck, he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, working on it some more.

When he releases it to take a breath, he murmurs, “I wouldn’t call it ‘dealing with’ when I want to do it, but yes, I know I could.” He would do anything for her, his heart practically beating out of his chest just from tasting her sweet lips. “You can’t scare me off.” Maybe she thinks of herself as a handful, but he thinks of her as the best thing to ever happen to him and he would do anything to return the care she’s given him.

She tells him she wants him on perfect terms, which he assumes means how she wants to date. They’re already together right now, in the physical sense. Especially as his hand slides lower down her back, stopping before he goes too far. “We can make it perfect,” he murmurs in response, pondering their future together. How would they do it? What would happen between him and his family, or between him and the Dark Lord? He doesn’t care to figure it out now; he just wants all of her.

It isn’t until she gives him the go ahead and pushes her lips into his that he lets his hand slide down, bunching into the hem of her dress to raise it up a little. Slipping his hand beneath the fabric, he takes one cheek into his palm, feeling the soft fabric of her underwear as he squeezes. Still kissing her, he tilts his head, slipping his tongue into her mouth to push it along her own, tasting her slowly.

It doesn’t feel real, wondering how her body felt for so long and finally having one hand beneath her dress while they make out. He moves to the other cheek, massaging it as well, his fingertips pushing into her crack a little. Moaning quietly into her mouth, he kneads her ass, his other hand still around her neck. “You feel so good, baby,” he murmurs against her soft lips before kissing them again.

[stackthedeck]

do you have any thoughts or headcanons ab trans matt? he’s so special to me and i love projecting my gender conflict onto him

oooh okay here's my hot take Matt could be both a trans man or a trans woman and both options are interesting and exciting but this is all trans guy Matt and it went really long so send another ask for trans girl Matt. Also the headcanons all use he/him pronouns even before Matt comes out but that's how I think about my gender

Matt realizes he's a boy very young. It's the 90s, there aren't exactly words for what he's feeling yet, at least no words he's hearing from his catholic father or community. He's labeled as a tomboy and everyone ignores it, figures a little girl growing up with just a dad is going to be a bit butch. Matt can get away with wearing his hair short and wearing boy clothes because "well it's just easier for her dad, poor thing"

and then the accident happens and Matt's blind and people stop commenting about how he looks because you're not going to tell the blind kid they're doing gender wrong. And then his dad dies and he's in the orphanage and everything feels wrong. He's grieving his father and his senses are flooded with too much and he has to wear the catholic school uniform and grow his hair out, and he can't explain why but that feels just as terrible as the scratchy sheets and the wailing sirens at night. He's grieving every part of himself and he has no words for it

At his confirmation, Matt chooses St. Michael as his confirmation name. "The archangel is an odd choice, especially for a girl, but this is her confirmation and the poor girl has already been through so much." Matt chose Michael because something about that strength, being a warrior of God, holy and set apart called to him. But also he's already experienced so much death, why not the angel associated with it, why not strive to have the scales balanced, to find justice?

It briefly crosses Matt's mind that maybe he should be a nun. He brings the idea up to Sister Maggie who tells him in no uncertain terms that he's too angry, too passionate, he'd suffocate in a convent, and he needs to be out in the world. Matt says he likes the idea of not getting married, keeping his hair short under the veil, long robs that cover his body. Maggie says that he can't join just for the outfit and "it might not seem like it now, but one day, a girl like yourself, you're going to be a heartbreaker, just like your father." And Matt says he doesn't want to break any girls' hearts. Maggie sighs and tells him that it's fine if he likes girls, but technically he's supposed to be breaking boys' hearts. Oh well, he can do that too, but... Matt can't quite articulate why but something about the people he likes, how he likes them feels off? Like there's a piece of the puzzle of his attraction missing. spoiler alert: it's gender. He likes both and he knows he's not supposed to but for some reason, his brain has put boys off limits even though it should be the other way around. Because he's a girl, right?

Stick doesn't help with this gender confusion in the slightest. When Matt trains with Stick he's allowed to trade the school uniform for pants. Stick yanks on his ponytail one too many times during a sparing match and Matt just steals his sword and slices it off. Stick smacks him for dulling the blade, but he's proud that the kid is losing all attachments. And Matt likes that pride, that tiny scrape of affection. And that's the thing, it feels like Stick gets it, feels like his hatred for feminity could let Matt slip into masculinity. Stick doesn't call Matt by his given name, doesn't call him girl or miss, he's just kid. Stick doesn't pull his punches. The girls at school just whisper behind his back, call him a try-hard, a blind freak, a dyke. Stick just hits him. It's so much easier being not a girl. It hurts, but the pain goes away when the whispers don't. But Stick leaves because Matt is weak and emotional. Even with all the training, he's still that scared little girl he found crying in the orphanage. Being a girl always felt wrong, but now it hurts.

It's well into his teen years that Matt confesses to Father Lantom that he's probably gay and Father Lantom says that's alright even though it's the late 90s, it most certainly isn't the Catholic Church's stance, but it's Father Lantom's stance. Matt says he likes boys too, maybe he can marry a man and have kids and be a good Catholic wife. Lantom says that he thought Matt wanted to be a lawyer, no reason to give that up. But Matt also says sometimes he wants boys but like in the way he wants to be a boy, not just do the things they do, but be seen as one, look like one. He doesn't know what he looks like, but he knows that it's changing, rebelling against him, his skin itches with the way it just doesn't feel right. He doesn't have the words for it, but his body is wrong, but God doesn't make mistakes. Father Lantom says, "we are made in His image" and Matt's heart sinks. Right, to complain about how he looks, it's vanity, it's pride, it's desocrating creation. Father Lantom says, "the wonderful thing about creation is that it changes, that God gave man the ability to choose and create just like Him. You were made in God's image and likewise, you can make yourself reflect the image of God. Isn't that what we teach you, to reflect God?" Matt gets really quiet and nods. "I was thinking about maybe a new name?"

It's challenging to get the right resources, it's really not until Matt is 18 that he can even start the transition process. Father Lantom and Sister Maggie help, and the church help. New York is pretty progressive so by the time Matt's done with undergrad, he's got his name changed and all the gender change paperwork done and he's been on t for a year. He feels guilty about changing his name, it's one of the last things he has of his dad. But in the end, he chooses Matthew Micheal, a good Catholic name. He's still got a piece of his dad, he's a Murdock boy, after all, and he's got the same devil in him that his father did. He still has that money his dad left him, he got a full ride for undergrad, but now he has to choose. Gender-affirming surgery or law school? He chooses law school and hopes that his roommate in law school isn't a bigot.

his roommate isn't a bigot. Matt got paired with Foggy because they're both trans. Which would feel like discrimination on Columbia's part, but it's such a relief for both of them that they can't be mad.

Matt binds so unsafely, especially when doing Daredevil stuff. He hates his body, he's doing Daredevil to punish himself, to indulge his worst impulses. Of course, he's binding with bandages, his ribs are already fucked, might as well get flat as hell. Even though he doesn't want tits, he doesn't want top surgery because he'd have to take days, maybe even weeks off being Daredevil. But whatever, it's not like he has the money for it. Elektra comes back into his life after the second time dying and flashes her black card and is like "hey babe, I'm going to pay for anything you want to make up for all the hand nonsense." Elektra pays for his top surgery and offers a few other surgeries too and covers his Daredevil patrol while he recovers.

With the suits and the years on t and just the general confidence, Matt passes really well. He's definitely brought girls back to his place and they left thinking he's cis, just with a weird dick and a very talented mouth.

Foggy buys little pride flags for the office and puts a trans flag on all of their desks. Karen comes in and is "oh did you guys do that for me?" and they're like "what?" and she's like "oh, you guys didn't know I'm trans?" and Matt and Foggy are like "holy shit us too?" How it didn't come up for at least a solid year is a mystery and a miracle

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.