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searchingforgravity · 8 months ago

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Graceland Experience - PART 7

Fandom: Elvis/Elvis (2022)

Prompt: You have a conversation with Elvis which leads to something he doesn't expect.

TW: kissing, vomiting

Word Count: 1999

A/N: Ah the cliffhanger, there will be more in the next one though! It will be out soon!

You take a deep breath as you prepare to knock on his door. You waited until Sonny had to leave to go on an errand so you could talk to him alone. You raise your hand in a fist reaching to knock.

You can't do it.

Turning to go back to your room, the door to his bedroom opens. You spin back around and he stands there with his arms crossed, his eyebrow raised in inquiry.

"You need somethin' honey? Why are you lingering?"

"Um yes, I do."

There is a long beat as you just stand there looking at him. You feel completely paralyzed. Leaning against his door frame, he takes in your state, sensing your anxiety.

"Is something the matter?"

You swallow.

"Yes."

The palm of his hand travels to his face as he rubs his cheek. He hums, and you see a quick flicker of fear cross his face before he masks it. Another moment goes by as you two look at each other. He clears his throat.

"Well, I can't help you if you don't say anything, can I?" he sighs, feigning irritation but his voice is strained.

Tense.

You release a breath. It's now or never.

"You have my things," you try to say firmly, but it comes out in a whisper.

His face drains of color.

"Ah," he mutters softly.

It seems like he's been waiting for you to confront him about this.

"Yes, I do."

Oh God. Your stomach sinks and it takes all your strength to stay upright. You become light-headed as you try to swallow, but you can't.

"Come here, honey. Sit down," he sighs as he opens his door motioning over to a pair of chairs in the corner of his room.

You enter his room as he shuts the door.

"Elvis, I-what did you find?" your voice is panicked, but that is the last thing on your mind at the moment.

"Honey, just sit down and-" he starts but you cut him off.

"Elvis, if anyone else knows I-oh God, what's going to happen? What did you see?"

You can't catch your breath.

"(Y/N)! I'm not gonna say it again. Sit. Down."

Your eyes snap up to his at his insistence. You mutter out an 'okay' and you sit down.

"Good. Good," he sighs, his hand threading through his hair. "Now, I'm gonna need you to tell me I'm not crazy."

---

He lays it out in front of you, and you have to will yourself not to puke.

It's everything.

Your wallet, ID (with the year you were born and expiration date), even your cell phone. You are at a complete loss for words as you look up at him. His eyes connect with yours.

"Honey, I'm gonna need to to tell me I'm not crazy in about 2 seconds, because I'm this close to losin' my Goddamn mind," he breathes, fear in his voice.

"I don't know what to say."

It's a lame response, but it's the truth.

"What to say? What the hell is all this?!"

"Well...what does it look like?"

He steps back as he turns away from you, a laugh escaping him in disbelief as his hand comes to cover his mouth.

"No. That isn't possible," he mutters.

"Why do you think I freaked out when I woke up here! I didn't think it was either. I-."

You don't know what else to say. You look at Elvis and he looks unwell. He's as white as a ghost. He looks like he's going to- oh God. Running to the bathroom and grabbing his trash can as you hear him groan, sitting on one of the chairs. You get to him just in time as he hurls into the trash can, grasping onto your shoulder to keep from falling over. You have to steady yourself to keep from stumbling over.

"I was really hoping you would say it was a joke," he gasps after spitting in the trash.

You chuckle at the irony of the situation, deja vu hitting you hard as you were in this position not too long ago.

"I wish it was," you say sincerely.

He groans as you imagine his stomach turning.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm gonna need you to leave my room. I can't-" he starts, pausing, thinking.

"I'll talk to you later, I just can't do this right now."

Your heart sinks, although it frightened you to learn that he knew your secret, it is relieving to be able to share it with someone.

"Okay," you mutter, placing the can down in front of him.

He grabs your hand before you can get up from kneeling on the floor. A shock wave runs throughout your body as you look up at him.

"I'm really sorry honey, I just need to rest. I feel like- God I feel crazy," he apologizes, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

You bring your free hand to hold his in both of yours, massaging his knuckles in small circles.

"I know, I'm sorry too, the feeling will pass. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

You release his hand and walk to the door, opening it gently before closing it behind you. When you approach your room, you close it before going to your own chair, letting your face fall in your hands.

---

"Jer, can you pass over the salt," Elvis mumbles, avoiding eye contact with you as you look across the table at him.

It is tearing you up inside. It's been two days since you spoke to him in his room and he has been ignoring you ever since. He won't even look at you.

"Yeah, here you go, E," Jerry responds as he hands it over.

You pick at your food, you haven't had much of an appetite lately. Elvis has told everyone that he was feeling a little under the weather after you two spoke, and has barely left his room.

"Hey, (Y/N), I got you something while I was out and about yesterday, for your books," Sonny says, having learned your name when you told him and Jerry you remembered it.

You figured they couldn't do much with just a first name. Your attention is pulled away from Elvis' sullen face.

This grabs Elvis' attention too.

"Uh, it's not much but, well here ya go," he fumbles, holding out an intricate bookmark, with a beautiful swirling design of gold.

It's very nice. You take it from his hand.

"Thank you Sonny, this is very nice. I love it," you say, turning it over to see the same design on the back.

It's heavy, a metal bookmark, so it doesn't fade. You look up at him and his cheeks are rosy, a bashful grin on his face.

Oh. Oh.

"Well, I saw it and thought of ya. Thought you might like it," he muses before quickly going back to his meal.

Your cheeks flush as you tuck the bookmark under your leg. Does Sonny...like you?

You hear Elvis clear his throat and look up. Your eyes finally connect with his after two excruciating days of him acting like you don't exist. And his gaze is piercing through you. He looks pissed. He then glances over to Sonny who is smiling like he just won a million dollars. Suddenly, his chair scrapes against the floor. Everyone else turns their attention to him.

"I'm not feeling’ so well anymore. I'm goin' to my room," he mumbles, not breaking eye contact with you until he turns to trudge up the stairs.

"What crawled up his ass?," Sonny mumbles, as he looks back down to his breakfast.

You hum in acknowledgement as you wonder the same thing.

---

You sit up in bed pulling the covers over you in your room looking towards your closed door. It's about 10:30 P.M. and Elvis stayed in his room ever since breakfast. He didn't even come down for dinner. You want to knock on his door and speak with him, finally talk to him after two days of radio silence, but you feel like he wouldn't want that. You relax back into the chair as you open up Sound of Thunder again. You've read pretty far into the book and are getting into the part where the main character, Eckles, is learning the importance of the butterfly effect by his travel guide, Travis.

“All right,” Travis continued, “say we accidentally kill one mouse here. That means all the future families of this one particular mouse are destroyed, right?” “Right.” “And all the families of the families of the families of that one mouse! With a stamp of your foot, you annihilate first one, then a dozen, then a thousand, a million, a billion possible mice!”

Travis goes onto explain that just one simple action done in the past can alter the course of the world itself. You look back to your closed door. Could Elvis knowing about you change things? From him just knowing, would the course of history be affected? Your stomach starts to churn at the possibility. You hope not. You turn back to the book as your eyes start to get heavy.

---

You can't breathe. The hands around your neck are squeezing so tight you feel all the blood rush to your face. You try to yell out but you can't. You can't move. Elvis' eyes gleam as tears stream down his face, Salty droplets falling onto your own. You grab onto his hands, trying to will him to stop.

"Why are you back?! Why did you come back!" the shaky laboured breath calls from above you, but it sounds so far away.

Lurching up in bed, you scream. And scream. You clutch the sheets to your chest as labored breaths escape your lips. You are covered in sweat. Suddenly the door surges open. The light flicks on.

"What! What's goin' on?"

You expect to see Sonny on the other end of the door, but Elvis stands there, concern written all over his face. With the speed of which he arrives, it's as if he was already awake as he stands in just his pajama pants, no shirt.

You hide your face in the sheets.

"Stay away from me!"

It's the nightmare talking, you know, but your body is riddled with fear. You shake uncontrollably as sobs escape you.

"Hey," a gentle voice calls from beside you, a hand resting on your shoulder.

You shrink at the touch.

"Don't hurt me! I'll leave I promise, I just-"

"(Y/N) calm down, you're alright. I won't hurt you, baby. I won't hurt you," He whispers.

Then, hesitantly, he breathes, "Don't leave."

In the midst of your panic, your heart flutters.

You feel his hand thread through your hair as he pulls you into his arms, rocking back and forth.

"No one's gonna hurt you, sweet heart," he repeats, his lips coming to your forehead, lingering.

You cling to him as you try to calm your breathing. You then realize what position you're in. You are in his arms. His warm body encasing you.

"I'm sorry, I had a nightmare" you croak, starting to pull away from him.

The hand stroking your hair suddenly sinks deeper until it reaches your scalp. Before you know what's happening, you feel him draw your mouth to his, your lips connecting.

You're frozen. Your mind races. You feel him start to move his mouth on yours before realizing you aren't responding to the kiss.

He pulls away.

"Was that okay?" he whispers, in the softest, tenderest voice you've ever heard.

You don't respond, your mind is so jumbled, you don't know how to respond. You want to say yes, but your mind keeps going back to the book you fell asleep reading. the butterfly effect.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, embarrassment in his voice as he moves to release you.

You grab his hand to keep him in place.

"I don't want you to leave."

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Tag List:

@horrorgirl4life @tantamount-treason @peaceloveelvis @sissylittlefeather @father-of-2cats @goldobsessionsworld @elvisalltheway101 @littlehoneyposts @atleastpleasetelephone @ccab @msamarican @presleyhearted

#elvis imagine #elvis presley #elvis 2022 #elvis the pelvis #elvis smut #elvis presley smut #elvis fanfic #elvis fans #graceland

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sdr2lovemail · 1 year ago

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Diggers accidentally drugs himself because he refuses to clean his van. (GN Reader)

Synopsis: Diggers gets coated in his own bubble solution and seeks you out in his high haze.

Notes: Before I got to requests I wanted to get a feel for writing the Reverse 1999 universe. I love this stupid white boy and his magic bubbles. I also love making headcanons from one off lines. Take a shot every time I say 'solution'!

Requests are open!

The sound of banging metal rings sharp in Diggers’ ears as someone knocks on the door of his van. The door slides open, and the arcanist shines with a bright grin upon seeing you. With relaxed arms, he brings you into a hug. Your face is pressed against him while his hair tickles against your face.

“Baby, what’re you doing ‘round here?” He smelled like citrus and something more earthy. Despite his lanky frame, his body ran pretty warm. “If I knew you were coming, I woulda cleaned up a little.”

The messy disaster that was his van wasn’t anything new. Records stacked in piles, his guitar lying haphazardly on the ground, and many jars and buckets to make bubble solution. It was a miracle that he could move around without hurting himself.

“Well, maybe if you had a telephone, I could tell you when I’m coming over.” You chided as he guided you to a bean bag in the corner.

Diggers let out a huff. “Telephones blind us from our real-world connections. We forget the importance of face-to-face conversation when tethered to machines.” He rants while looking through scattered jars.

“That’s a lot of words to say you can’t afford one.” You teased, watching him move around the cramped area.

Finding the specific glowing liquid he was searching for, Diggers turned back towards you. “The dependency of consumerist behaviors will be the topic of another day. Right now, I have to show you my latest creation of inspiration.” In front of him was a bright pink jar of solution.

The bubble-blowing arcanist loved showing you his art. When he would be making different creations, you would always be in a part of his mind. Love is a form of art, and he strived to make beautiful works with you, to live together in a peaceful utopia where creativity flourished.

“This is my latest solution! With this, I can-!” He’s abruptly cut off as his foot catches on the strap of his guitar. He tumbles back, and the jar slips from his hands. The sour-smelling liquid spills over his body, leaving him with a bubbly sheen. “Ah! Bullocks! Maybe it won’t kick in…” His speech started to slur in an act of cruel irony.

After spending so much time with Diggers, you’ve learned how to counter his bubbles. There have been too many incidents of you getting caught in the crossfire and blacking out, leaving you with no memory of what happened. You pull out a face mask infused with your arcane magic from your pocket. It was a simple and effective way to deter his hallucinogenic solutions.

You help him sit up, brushing the soapy hair out of his face. His eyes were unfocused and hazy, and his pupils were blown wide, nearly swallowing the green iris. “Diggers, are you alright?”

The sound of your voice draws his attention more than your touch. “Ugghhh… My muse, your voice is a gift from beyond. A true work of art. I would carve it into a record if I could.” He rambles on in a haze. Leaning further into your touch, Diggers slumps against your body, pressing his shiny cheek onto your shoulder. The position is pretty awkward, but he is content.

“My reverie… my perfect reverie. As long as you’re with me, peace will surround me.” With two fingers, the arcanist makes a peace sign, holding it out to you.

Mimicking the sign, you press your middle and pointer fingers into his. It was an affectionate gesture that Diggers came to you with. You don’t fully remember when and why he started doing it, but it was sweet. It was something so charming and uniquely Diggers like.

Taking your hand fully in his, Diggers lets out another groan. “There might be too many crystalized herbs in this solution… My head won’t stop spinning.”

“Please don’t throw up on me.” You spoke bluntly. It wouldn’t be the first, and probably not the last, time it’s happened. Your partner had a rather sensitive stomach.

“I’m trying my best not to.” Feeling that sitting up was too much of a chore, Diggers slumps over further until his head is on your lap. With him looking up at you, you could see his eyes were less cloudy and more focused. The soap bubbles must be starting to wear off now.

“You look positively inspiring at this angle. I should save up money for a camera. Then you’ll be by my side all the time. Hm, is there anywhere to get film developed nearby?” Though he was still rambling, he sounded much more coherent.

With your free hand, you start to play with his drying hair. “I think there’s a camera store on 10th Street.”

“Maybe I’ll learn to develop the film myself. Then after I learn how I can teach you.” Diggers spoke with his usual exaggerated hand gestures. He was feeling much better now that the soap was starting to dry. But of course, he would love to stay in your lap longer.

With a hum, you idly twirl his hair. You found it cute how he always wants you to feel included in his life. Whether it’s telling you about his latest solutions or inviting you to start some mischief in the name of peace and creativity, Diggers always wanted you to be around.

“It seems like you’re back to normal. Are you feeling better?” You asked while cupping his face, his stubble scratching against your skin.

Letting out a near-dreamy sigh, Diggers pushed his cheek further into your palm, relishing in the warmth. “A moment in your arms is like a moment in heaven. If anything, your caring touch is what nursed me back to perfect health.”

Though you tried to keep it in, a small laugh passed your lips. “That was so corny.”

“I know, but it made you laugh.” He smiled. With a small grunt, he sits up from your lap and pulls you into an embrace. Diggers hooks a finger onto your face mask and pulls it down; leaning in to give you a tender kiss. “I do feel a lot better. Hmm, but I need the solution’s effects to last longer. I guess accidentally drugging myself was a worthy sacrifice for knowledge.”

“Please don’t keep drugging yourself just to test your bubbles…”

#reverse 1999 x reader #diggers x reader #reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 diggers #reverse 1999 diggers x reader #re1999 #x reader #diggers

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sleeplesssmol · 10 months ago

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The Timekeeper and the Warden (Reverse 1999 AU)

I know I said I was studying but this is all @blehhhhhsthings fault! They keep making me brainstorm (thank you but also what have you done lol)

I was inspired by their Mask Tk au, but I put my own twist on it since I am a twisted individual. This is the scenario:

Vertin and Sonetto never make up after the break-away event because instead of Madam Z reaching Smoltin, Manus does first. They were waiting for her because they heard rumors about a child with Storm Immunity from their inside sources. Finding Vertin as the only child left confirmed those rumors.

Sonetto never gets over Vertin. She thinks about the way she treated Smoltin and blames herself for Vertin's Reversal.

Years later, Sonetto graduates as the top of her class and becomes a field Investigator so she can witness the outside world Vertin longed for. Two years after her graduation (roughly 6 years after break-away), a Manus Vindictae Renegade waltzes through the Foundation's front door. Sonetto pins her to the ground but falters when she realizes they have silver hair. However, she can't see her face because of her mask. The voice is both unfamiliar and nostalgic (because Smoltin is grown up now) but she doesn't have time to dwell on it. The deserter doesn't resist and claims they want to stop Manus more than they hate the Foundation. She's seen the way they treats arcanists who aren't purebloods and the unnecessary violence. She wanted to escape long ago and waited for the perfect opportunity.

Constantine decides to interrogate her further, especially once she sees the special umbrella the renegade brought with her. She must be one of Arcana's pets.

Later, the renegade becomes the Foundation's Timekeeper, and Sonetto is her Warden. While the Timekeeper has flexibility within the Foundation due to her rare Storm Immunity, it's Sonetto's job to keep her in line.

The Foundation also sealed off the Timekeeper's ability to communicate by branding an arcane skill (a curse really) around her throat. She can only speak with her Warden's permission and even if she tries to be sneaky by writing or something, the markings burn red and are incredibly painful (they're triggered by intent, like the bangles on the Island that Arcana and Vertin wore in the real story). Sonetto thinks it's cruel but Constantine informs her its for everyone's safety. This deserter has a silver tongue and she plants dangerous ideas in people's heads. By limiting how much she can say and forcing her to have Sonetto nearby in order to speak, they reduce her opportunities of betrayal. Besides, she's already betrayed Manus. Who's to say she won't turn her back on them next and return with their secrets? Sonetto's whole thing is loyalty and devotion so she starts off very cold with the Timekeeper.

The Timekeeper no longer wears a Manus Hand Mask, but a monochrome Foundation mask that covers her upper face (as much coverage as Bessmert's blindfolds or 2B's mask from Nier so it covers her freckles but leaves her mouth open to eat and make smug smiles with). It completely hides her eyes but she can see better than the average person through it since it has the same enchantment as the other Investigators (the ones that completely cover their face like in the prologue).

The Masked Timekeeper does the sort of the same thing as the Timekeeper we know. She shelters "unhinged" arcanists and takes on the most dangerous missions since her people are considered dangerous and disposable. She is very protective of her crew.

However, she and Sonetto are painfully awkward.

Vertin has no idea how to interact with her former deskmate. In her mind, Sonetto was always nice enough to put up with her but actually couldn't stand her. She doesn't blame Sonetto either because she was...difficult. While Vertin is a touchy and affectionate person, she hesitates with Sonetto or changes her mind last minute.

Meanwhile, Sonetto hates this game of hot and cold she ends up in every time they interact. As much as she hates to admit it, the TK grew on her. She's kind, sincere, and never treats Sonetto like her Warden but as part of her beloved crew. They argue at times but Sonetto never uses her status as Warden to silence her. There is an odd understanding between them even if they never seem to get one another.

This Vertin was raised by Arcana instead of Madam Z. She's a smooth talker and a skilled fighter outside of her crappy arcanum. Instead of a stoic face, she smiles (like Arcana but a smug smile instead of Arcana's creepy "I dare you" one.)

As much as she says she despises Arcana, she kept the Umbrella she gave her. The Umbrella is infused with Arcana's slime and can shape-shift into many things: a shield, a sword, a cane, heck even a fishing pole (she did this to piss Arcana off but her leader found it amusing and creative). This Vertin is also completely shameless when it comes to manipulating others as a means to an end.

She finds out what you desire most and uses that against you. It's one of the reasons Constantine branded her.

"You deserve more. They can't give you that, but I can," type of persuasion. She also frustrates Sonetto by talking around her instead of answering her questions or telling her what's on her mind.

Eventually Sonetto opens up to the Timekeeper about a friend she lost long ago. She's afraid one day she'll forget her.

Vertin has no idea she's talking about her because she didn't think Sonetto thought of her as a friend, just a deskmate she was stuck with. She assumed her friend fell in battle. Lots of people were reversed too so she still doesn't connect the dots until Sonetto specifically brings up the break-away event.

Vertin's name was added to the Forbidden List and you'd be punished for saying it (like the word "Storm" before it was public knowledge). This is one of the reasons the Timekeeper took so long to put together Sonetto's still grieving for her. She's not sure how to deal with this but she doesn't know how to make Sonetto happy. All these years later and she's still a burden on her deskmate.

Some things never change.

Aaaaand that's where I decided to start writing my story from. Although, I could sprinkle this background information throughout...if I knew what I was doing anyway. Reverse did it with AS while Vertin was in a coma so I decided on a dream route.

Sonetto is so scared she'll forget Vertin, she uses AS to see her again. However, she can never remember the color of her eyes. Smoltin would lower them when she spoke to her or avoid her gaze after she found out Sonetto asked the Instructor if she could switch deskmates. That's why it was the first thing she forgot. This makes her panic!

I also want to put Yeni in this fic. She's sooo much like Sonetto but more direct and sarcastic. Essentially, what she and the TK develop is what Sonetto and the TK could have been.

Sonetto tells herself she doesn't care. She's only worried about remembering Vertin and nothing else matters–

But how come she's never seen the TK's face but Yen has!? Unfair. She's known her longer.

Sonetto hasn't realized the others have seen Vertin's face. Constantine only dictated she wear the mask on missions to represent the Foundation, but doesn't care about what Vertin does in her free time once she realizes it's THAT VERTIN. Not many people recall what Smoltin looked like since she was never in the Spotlight due to her awful grades and she was tiny. Just harder to notice in general, especially when everyone's looking down to see her. The school did their best to cover up her past since she had no family to fight for her anyway. They were her "family" since she was a month old.

Vertin finds it hard to face Sonetto so she doesn't take it off in front of her. It's easier this way. She's also still figuring things out.

Constantine's happy her little pawn returned as a more powerful piece to play with. Madam Z cries a bit when she see Vertin, the child she failed to save.

Idk what to call this au or even if it's worth naming if I don't actually do anything with it but I'm open to opinions!

#reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 au #fic ideas #this post is a fic in itself good heaven #i dont know what to do with this despite writing all this

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worstpart · 3 months ago

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[ DO I EVEN EXIST? IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE MASKS I WEAR, IS THERE ONLY BLANK SPACE UNDERNEATH? ]

( sobhita dhulipala . cis woman . she / her ) . ⸻ jaya kasturi , a thirty year old , has survived another day in red creek where they have lived for her whole life . the backstabber is known for being insightful and venal and is often associated with a pen spinning between fingers , book pages creased from being dogeared over and over , dust motes visible when the sun shines through the room . in a small town where they work as a therapist at red creek hospital word travels fast . it’s hard to keep a secret , and it looks like the boogeyman knows that redacted .

𝟶𝟶𝟷. 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚃𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙲𝚂 …

⋯⋯⋯ GENERAL DETAILS.

FULL NAME: jaya kasturi. NICKNAME(S): none. AGE: thirty. DATE OF BIRTH: january 8. PLACE OF BIRTH: red creek, michigan. CURRENT LOCATION: red creek, michigan. GENDER: cis woman. PRONOUNS: she/her. ORIENTATION: bisexual. OCCUPATION: therapist at bearhold community hospital.

⋯⋯⋯ PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, ETC.

HEIGHT: 5'9. TATTOOS: marigolds on her inner wrist and a beetle on her calf. PIERCINGS: one in each ear and a nostril piercing. CLOTHING STYLE: professional, clean, sophisticated. DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: is almost always seen wearing jhumkas.

⋯⋯⋯ HEALTH.

ALLERGIES: none. SLEEPING HABITS: very well. generally doesn't dream unless she wants to. EATING HABITS: prefers making her own food. doesn't really like cooking for other people though. SOCIABILITY: 7/10. somewhat sociable. easy when it's for her job or to get information when she wants it. DRINKING / SMOKING / DRUGS: yes / yes / no.

⋯⋯⋯ PERSONALITY.

POSITIVE TRAITS: compassionate, insightful, perceptive, insightful. NEGATIVE TRAITS: venal, self-serving, manipulative, secretive, deceitful. LIKES: a glass of wine before bed with a bad romance novel, debating (arguing), farmer's markets. DISLIKES: texts, emails, bugs. FEARS: letting herself down. HABITS: spinning a pen between her fingers, 'hmmm's, scribbling in the corners of notebook pages. HOBBIES: wine and a bad romance book, karaoke, cooking.

𝟶𝟶𝟸. 𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈 / 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽𝚂 …

truncated backstory pls bear with me...

jaya was her parents' second born child. her older brother by two years, kiran, has always been a light to their parents. he's won every ribbon, certificate, trophy, and accolade to exist, including the hearts of their parents. is she bitter? maybe. move along... she's an adult she definitely doesn't look to her parents for validation at her big age.

everything was a competition with him, even if neither of them wanted it to be, it always ended in one. being only 5 years old during the 1999 murders, she was always fed nightmares by kiran about how she'd be next. basic #sibling stuff really. if you do my chores then he won't get you etc etc etc.

yeah she ended up with a bit of a Complex about it. better go get a bachelors and masters degree in psychology to unpack all that. ended up going to a local college for undergrad and got a much needed break from red creek through doing her masters in psychology at the university of chicago.

while she wanted to get the hell out of red creek from the start, she ended up right back when she started. why? who knows. for all she hates red creek, either the town has its claws in her, or she has hers in it. either way, she can't leave even if she wants to. and god does she want to.

in the past few years, kiran gave their parents grandkids and trips back to visit extended family in andra pradesh, while jaya delivered to them news of a failed engagement. womp womp

managed to move into a house on the farthest side of town she can get from her family, even though it means she's far from the hospital as well.

was somewhat close to daniela and was quite distraught when she heard the news about her being missing + the questioning that followed. has been dealing with it pretty poorly. a little on edge but has been using that to focus more on her patients.

is jaya the world's most ethical therapist? definitely not. however, consider this: who cares, she's good at it and she's hot so..

will fight and scream and claw and backstab and manipulate and be terrible to get what she wants.

thats all gn <3 plots later

#redcreek.intro

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gnsaein · 2 years ago

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[ origins / profile / plots / muse ]

🤸 —— ! happy opening day everyone, i'm so excited to be here. i'm sol (they/xe) and this is my manic pixie failgirl moon saein --- ran from the bad clutches of his family six years ago, only to end up in the arguably worse clutches of a nefarious circus troupe ( as one does ) , then finally came limping back to gaenari a week ago.

leave a like if you'd like me to reach out for plots! alternatively, we can just start a thread and see where chemistry takes us.

THEN:

moon saein, born in 1999, single child of moon seonhee and moon bomin. they're descended from one of the first families to build houses in gaenari, so they go a long ways back if anyone else is old blood !

his father's a big stickler for tradition and legacy. rumor has it that his marriage to seonhee was arranged and bomin, who was feral for a successor to carry on his torch, saw her as nothing more than a way to extend his bloodline. i'm taking inspiration from carrie for his childhood, so if you know the vibes...then u know.

formerly a chronic runaway. his parents were already disappointed that he turned out to be incompetent when it came to the construction family legacy, but the runaway antics were when they really gave up on him.

it was a typical cry for attention. they could've gotten angry, they could've punished him, he would've taken anything if it meant that, idk, they actually gave a shit about him? but it was like he was invisible if he wasn't serving them a purpose.

would run away intermittently between 13-17yrs old, culminating to 6 years ago when he finally, properly ran --- a very abrupt and fevered decision, and the first time that he actually gets out of gaenari. he ends up in daehan, where he spends a year just surviving. if anyone has a muse who was also on a bender in daehan around 5-6 years ago, hmu, they could've gotten fucked up and self destructive together : )

after daehan, he ended up joining a circus, for a lack of a better word. it was a traveling troupe of performers and they performed on makeshift stages in glitzy masks, and at that point it was the most magical thing saein had ever seen in his little sheltered life.

saein meets his mentor eunha there and she helps him become one of their most reliable performers --- showy, impressive acrobatics leaping through the air, twisting up hanging silk ribbons. to the audience, it's all shows and gimmicks, but eunha insists that there's something more at the heart of their shows. that there's magic. saein, prone to fantasy and romance, completely buys it.

the catch: there's a test that all performers go through before they're considered a permanent part of the troupe. eunha says that if he does, the magic will be pleased with him too. and saein would do just about anything to make somebody proud; he agrees without a second thought.

the test involved him helping out with a vanishing act. you can read more about it in his background, but basically it ended with him falling into a small, dark, locked box for over 12 hours, screaming for help and terrified that no one would remember to come looking for him.

when the test "ends" and he's "rescued," he can't talk or sleep properly for a full week. eunha wants him to try again. she says she knows he can do it, he just needs to be stronger.

saein can't deal with the pressure of disappointing her 🤘 he sneaks out a few nights later, quiet and inevitable, and runs right back home.

NOW:

his parents aren't happy he's back, borderline pissed about it. they tell him to find his own place to stay. he's therefore now eun street's latest resident at apt. #403 (and looking for a roommate!)

a receptionist at the gym. he plans to befriend security to let him stay a little longer after hours, bc the acrobatics were actually therapeutic and he needs someplace to keep practicing.

i'm thinking it has only been a week or so since he came back? he's been quiet.

in general, he's quieter than before. still animated if you get him going, but he's jumpy and prone to spacing out these days. to anyone who knew him before, it's a notable difference from the bright eyed, bushy tailed kid he used to be.

he came back bc he convinced himself that there was something calling him back to gaenari. is it magic here too? is it some cosmic entity that lives inside of the mountain and wants him carnally? or was he just so terrified of disappointing eunha that he had to make up a fantasy excuse to leave them too? who knows! 🔮

when he's not working, he's wandering around claiming to be listening to the ghosts of the mines or laying out somewhere on a field, head full of tumbleweeds.

PLOTS:

here are his established plots!

people who knew him before. his parents tried really hard to downplay his existence when they couldn't control him but that probably came off as them trying to sweep the ""bad seeds"" under the rug.

people who didn't know him before. he's marveling at all of the little ways town has changed and the new faces around.

people he met while he was in daehan 5-6 yrs ago. this could have been anywhere from a quick meeting to a months long spiral into codependency (jk! unless)

it would take more plotting, but i'd also love a connection with someone who knew of/once watched/was also part of the troupe that he was in? maybe someone else he helped out of that circus and brought back to gaenari or someone who followed him here?

ever since his “test” he’s been terrified of sleeping in locked rooms, and just small, closed spaces in general. maybe someone runs into him freaking out while they’re someplace confined and has to be like Hey .. Calm down?…

he likes to ride the bus/trains out to daehan sometimes just to feel like he's going somewhere. give me someone who's on those late night rides too, who maybe also knows a thing about the dark.

any old friends he left behind; except for the muse involved in his one established plot, he didn't tell anyone he was leaving

for anyone looking to stay a little later at the gym too, they'll start to constantly find him there, so he could sneak them in absolutely with no questions asked.

any fellow people out there with family issues lol. they can commiserate and give each other advice that they can't follow for themselves.

healthy coping mechanisms, unhealthy coping mechanisms. i-don't-know-you-but-you've-got-the-same-fucked-up-look-in-your-eye isms. we-just-need-to-take-our-minds-off-the-grisly-act-of-surviving isms. i-will-not-ask-where-you-came-from-and-neither-should-you isms [hozier outro plays us out]

i'm very sorry that this is so long. if you got here, ily, let's write together 🙏.

#intro.#i fear i need to sleep soon for work but please let me cause our muses drama and agony.

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blowflyfag · 26 days ago

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WOW MAGAZINE : march 2000 vol. 1 Issue 11

the devil’s advocates

by Pat ‘The Pro’ Pimbleton

Stop Pushing The Envelope!

Editor’s note: This new, two-part feature will highlight two sides of debates about wrestling issues. The first topic: Weather wrestling on television has gone too far recently with sexuality and violence.

“Between the foul language, sexual innuendo, nudity and violence (which includes wrestlers choking one another, punching each other in the crotch and beating each other with shovels, night sticks and chairs). ‘WWF Smackdwon!’ has the potential to have a very harmful influence on young children. The series has no good character or role models for children to look up to, and every one of the wrestlers perpetuates sexism, violence and vice while scoffing at authority and virtue.”

- The Parents Television Council

While spending the bulk of my evenings watching pro wrestling on TV, I really don’t mind the scantily clad women I see now and then. I’m not all that bothered by a little blood here and there. I don’t even get disturbed by the occasional bad word uttered from time to time.

But those days have come to an end. The now and then, here and there and from time to time have changed to the constantly, the perpetually and the invariably. These days, a wrestling match just isn’t a wrestling match without a plethora of cursing, a profusion of sexually lewd behavior and violence so outrageous the overused term “extreme” no longer describes it all.

[Ewas that bloody match between Bill Goldberg and Sid Vicious at WCW’s 1999 Halloween Havoc really necessary?]

Have these elements become essential to good wrestling on television?

To put it in words a “Stone Cold” Steve Austin fan would understand, hell no!

I enjoy a good angle. Interesting storylines help ease the tedium of repetitive wrestling moves and lend more excitement to match outcomes where there is no title on the line. But I think it’s still possible to have excellent angles - and excellent TV ratings -without all the additional garbage.

[There’s no place in wrestling for lewd wrestling moves, such as X-Pac’s ‘bronco buster’ and the ‘low blow’ (demonstrated here on X-Pac by Chris Jericho).]

Female valets are great. Female wrestlers are better. And I’ll bet families can enjoy watching them without having to see their “puppies.”

I love listening to interviews with wrestlers. I join in when the TV audience begins chanting their catchphrases in unison. But I'm certainly not down with being given the command to “suck it.”

I’m a huge fan of wrestling technicians. I find few things more satisfying than witnessing a will executed German suplex. But my idea of good wrestling does not include the use of baseball bats, chairs and steel steps to bash over the heads of opponents. I like a good rumble as much as the next fan, but seeing wrestlers gasping through a thick red mask of their own blood makes me want to toss a few Oreos. Don’t these wrestling federations realize that television violence has a harmful effect on children?

[ECW’s Francine sets a bad example for children with her beer guzzling behavior.]

Hats off to the Parents Television Council and Coca-Cola for taking a stand against the absurdity that pro wrestling has become. Parents should have the right to enjoy pro wrestling with their kids, just like my dad and I were able to enjoy watching it together. It’s time to tame the rabid lion. We fans need to unite and demand better programming from the world of wrestling.

And if you’re not down with that. I’ve got two words for you: Why not?

Pat Pimbleton can be reached via e-mail at [email protected]

the devil’s advocates

by Chris ‘The Con’ Cressent

If You Like It, Gimme A Hell Yeah!

“There will always be people who take themselves way too seriously who are extremely vocal.”

- Jim Byrne, WWF media representative in reference to the controversy caused by the WWF’s 1999 Super Bowl commercial

The American Family Association. The Parents Television Council. Morality in Media.

These are just a few of the organizations attempting to take away our beloved wrestling as we know it. They say it’s immoral. TH=hey say it’s too violent. They say it’s inappropriate for children. They seem to think viewers are incapable of operating television remote control.

[Vince McMahon does an excellent job of giving viewers what they want, even to the point of participating in the wrestling spectacle.]

These discriminatory attitudes toward the current stage of wrestling can be traced to early 1999 during the airing of Super Bowl XXXIII, the showcase for new and creative (and expensive) commercials. Who could forget that farcical image of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin walloping a well-dressed executive with a chair after staging that the WWF offered a “nonviolent form of entertainment” while other suits battled in the background, breaking windows and office furniture? Even more unforgettable were the two execs having “intimate relations,” while Rena Mero (then “Sable”) assured viewers that the WWF never uses sex to enhance its image.

My Super Bowl party friends and I thought it was the most humorous commercial aired during the game, but several “moral” groups thought otherwise. Since the outcry over that advertisement there has been incessant pressure on the major wrestling federations to tone down their products. And sadly, just a couple months before Super Bowl XXXIV, it would seem that the WWF succumbed to the demands of extreme right-wing viewers changing the rating of Smackdown on UPN from TV-14 to TV-PG.

True, a major WWF sponsor (Coca-Cola) pulled its advertising from the program, and rumors flew that other sponsors were preparing to bail out, this possibly forcing the WWF’s hand. One could speculate that these sponsors were influenced by an outspoken puritanical minority (Those of us more cynical could speculate that the suddenly scrupulous sponsors jumped at the opportunity to get their names in print and prey on the spending attitudes of parents concerned with “evil” television.)

[‘Miss Kitty’ Stacy Carter losing her top during a match - now THAT'S quality television!]

Regardless of why Smackdown has become ��watered-down,” the fact remains: Once again the viewing audience has been deprived of yet another choice simply because a few small-minded people see the present status of wrestling as the potential downfall of society.

Here’s a tip for you worried parents out there: If you don’t think pro wrestling shows are appropriate for your children, then don't let your kids watch them.

[There can never be too many evening gown matches, especially when they involve Ivory (left) and B.B. Bush.]

I’d like to conclude with a message to those ridiculous conservatives organizations who continue to attack pro wrestling: Lighten up! No one is forcing you to watch anything. YOU have the freedom of choice, and it’s about time you start using it and stop attempting to deprive others of it. Warn parents of “The evil thing called wrestling” if you must, but quit hassling the creators and sponsors of our favorite programs.

For those of you like me who want to continue to witness the exciting evolution of professional wrestling, consider giving the sponsors of your favorite wrestling show a little extra support by purchasing their products. And let them know how happy you are that they support our freedom to watch whatever the hell we wanna watch!

Chis Cressant can be reached via e-mail at [email protected]

#wow magazine #wow magazine 2000s #2000 #2000s #magazine scan #magazine transcript

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mumutee · 1 year ago

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Elsewhere, Rickey Thompson offered an impassioned speech about not leaving the Official Columbus Fury Shirt moreover I love this house until his hair is done (no, hats are not a worthy or welcome solution), as Saweetie showed off pink chrome tips and a metallic cat eye, each sharp enough to do some damage. And finally, Lindsey Lohan retuned our focus to this month’s demand for self-care with a fresh face and a monochromic moment, eye mask and all. The Sopranos pulled in 12 million weekly viewers at its peak, so like most of America from 1999 to 2007, my family spent many Sunday nights in front of the TV waiting to see who lived and who got clipped. For me it was also a time to revel in the beauty aesthetic I hadn’t really seen before on television. What I saw on my screen—in all its glorious Italian American gaudiness—mirrored the women I saw at the malls, ShopRite, the cleaners, and the boardwalk down the shore. Today the women of The Sopranos are all over my social feeds—almost as honest in their excess as they were when the HBO series premiered 25 years ago.

For audiences outside the Official Columbus Fury Shirt moreover I love this tristate area, the show’s characters came across as caricatures that could only exist in crime dramas: Take Carmela Soprano (Edie Falco), the connected and privileged suburban mother of two adorned with frosty eye shadow and diamonds that may or may not have fallen off the back of a truck. Or Adriana La Cerva (Drea de Matteo), the cheetah-swathed 20-something with XL acrylics and tendrils hot off the curling iron. But for Kymbra Callaghan-Kelley, an Emmy-winning lead makeup artist and Jersey girl just like me, inspiration came from everywhere around her.

Buy this shirt: Click Here to buy this Official Columbus Fury Shirt

Home: https://mumutee.com/

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sevastiel · 20 days ago

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IVE GOT MORE.

There are actually a LOT of options for redoing flooring, if it has a flat bottom or a flat side, there's a high chance it will fit Very Nicely onto the ground surface. Some objects have normals (the stuff that makes the illusion of depth that the light also reflects off of) which can be used for whatever silly things you feel like, like the duviri fluid cannisters and the zariman foot lockers.

the drifter refers to all of the tamms with female pronouns, interestingly. Pardon the chaos of the screenshot it doesn't do well with slopes

Kullervo is at minimum 7 ft tall, likely closer to 8 or 9. I nearly died trying to get this pic and the camera fuzzes him out if hes too close.

You cant put a waypoint on the entrance to the backrooms, but in a certain spot, you CAN put a waypoint on the garage exit instead.

This fucking is a thing de did, and it gave me an absolute heart attack.

The drifter and Amir are the only two people in 1999 that I'm aware of, sans perhaps some of the coda folks, who use god singular instead of god plural.

The glitch that made the drifter take priority over scenery objects also applies to kaithes, if you're riding them. It happens only at very odd viewing angles to my knowledge but I find it funny.

It was brought to my attention that the jade ephemeras provide lighting on the environment by someone who I forgot, (pls remind me so I can credit you) but it is still bugged permanently green.

Curiously, every copy of the tales of duviri IN DUVIRI has the drifter's scribbles. Either they didn't have a model without or they forgot or duviri copied the prexisting one from the zariman that the drifter had already drawn on, or something.

Curiously, within teshin's cave, the sentient scaffolding around the drifter's arm is monochrome, wheras within duviri, its almost always the most saturated thing around.

Duviri cups use the same modeling layout as zariman ones, similar food trays, and every spoon is either upsidown or has an outward bevel in the center. Bizarre, either way.

The materlyth has a very humanoid, very Non Thrax person on it with a mask thats not used elsewhere. No clue who it is, I like to think its a young drifter.

They gave the cars and the busses different license plates, though all cars and busses share the same ones by type.

In the Coda Boss zone, you have clearly 1999 era cording and flora all over the stage, which means that somehow, not only can the CODA time travel, but they can drag a HUGE amount of mass with them. Or replicate it, anyway.

I was wrong previously, you can have a seamless locker-pillar from floor to ceiling with no odd pixels out of place. You just gotta be firm with em.

There's Major Russalka as an anime girl street art just like... Out there. I don't know who made this but I am immensely curious as to Why. So many artistic choices were made, here. Also someone get that woman a bra or something because Oh Dear.

Whoever it was might have been this artist. This piece of graffiti lies in a VERY hidden nook.

The bug that puts xaku's face way over there, and also for some reason lifts up that sydana way higher than it should be, is still active.

The song Flare writes for you is entirely personalized based on your previous dialogue choices with both Flare and Lizzie

There are like, five prex cards within Larunda relay, and also one in every single leverian. Also, theres one in ascension, one in your clubs Dagath's hollow room, and one in the drifters camp. There might be more in other places but I forget at the moment.

Removing some of the entrati objects will result in the same shattering audio cue that you get when you break those objects in a mission. It has jumpscared the shit out of me MULTIPLE times.

You obtain this shawzin by playing every available shawzin song in duviri (I believe 12 in total?) on both normal and virtuoso mode. It was bugged for me for ages, since I had already done all of them during release, and then did the next ones as they came out, and took doing all 12 again in a single run (save for the one on the amphitheater, and somehow it still worked) to get it to show up in my inventory. That is why it gets a position of honor, because god damnit I spent SO LONG.

A fair amount of the floofs have glowing bits, and of multiple colors. This can be used to great comedic effect.

Thats all for now, folks, stay safe out there.

Assorted Warframe fun facts I've found as of late! With screenshots and such. I find a lot of stuff just going through tilesets, looking for lore stuff that I can write into GS, so here's a few of my favorite things, in no particular order.

Folks who know me on discord have likely been subjected to these before.

While most of the 'growing' void angels look fem, there are masc variants of the ones you can wake up and fight.

The dummy you can whack on in Teshin's cave uses a very similar model+mask to the drifter doll in the Duviri paradox trailer, and I'm pretty sure it uses the drifter heron voice too, save with an accent.

There are a lot of wally arts around the zariman, (and liminus ones and orowyrm ones, I think,) but they're often close by symbols that seem like both references to dualism, (see: The scaldra's symbol) and the zariman's main time stream splitting in two, for the drifter and the Operator.

This pillar in the Backroom, and the underside of the loft, have some very silly issues with the 'surface' things snap to. The ceiling itself is a fair bit lower than what you see, and the pillar is thinner on that particular side.

The mission entrance symbol on both the deimos hubs is notably duviri-esque.

If you remove the zariman food cubes from your dormizone, they will double in size, allowing you to make comedically large bricks of nutrition. This sometimes applies to the utensils, too.

In some of the caves in the murmur parts of Albrecht's labs, there are little mollusk like growths on the walls and ceiling. They are visibly added on, too.

On the main image thing for the Hex, Arthur looks Very different, and his hair appears to be missing its silver.

If you put the Zariman horse poster on the wall backwards, it becomes impossible to interact with, and pitch black.

In the murmur areas, lightning will occasionally flash in the fog below, revealing Wally!

The bottom of the Zariman food tray casts a solid block of shadow upwards, sometimes.

Also, the wall scribbles project over items put against it.

If you're using a thrown weapon like the Glaive Prime, (Or something with a very slow heavy) and your target dies before you can complete the heavy attack induced by your Wrathful Advance, you can get stuck in the animation. Weapons/Abilities are still usable, but you're invincible and cant move. (To escape, you must use the ability again)

You can 'escape' the backroom by stacking decorations until you're mashed against the ceiling, transferring out, and transferring back in, (And mashing some more) but you can't actually place decorations out there which is sad. I could only access the little window ledge and haven't tried it again elsewhere, though I do mean to.

Sometimes the drifter's legs will glitch out on his agile stance and either stretch the Fuck out of the textures, or make his knees look like a bent straw. It makes me giggle.

The drifter's model takes priority over the decor around the backroom mirror for some reason.

95% sure that the center beam on the rafters is off centered, and it makes my brain really mad to look at.

The windows in the backroom reflect the original decorations/coloring, not your actual ones

The sand dunes in the sanctum anatomica are facing the wrong direction. This is not a problem in the actual in level tilesets that I've noticed.

#Doing this always reminds me of that one series where some guy would just go through weird warframe stuff #I loved that series #Ahh finding weird shit my beloved #warframe 1999 #screenshots #bugfinding #warframe spoilers #warframe

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gunsli-01 · 2 years ago

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I’m not sure if you’ve talked about this before, but in preparation for her second trial I wanted to ask you what you think of Mahiru’s behavior in her first voice drama. The entire thing is extremely uncomfortable to me, but I might be viewing it from a biased lens. I’m just not really sure what point is trying to be made with her character, if you add her flirting with a fifteen year old into the mix…?

Sorry, this response is so late I've been out of town until yesterday morning and spent most of yesterday unconscious. While, I can understand some people’s discomfort when it comes to Mahiru’s behavior during her first voice drama… I can’t help but feel like it’s the same as harping on the use of fang in Triage. Where yes, her behavior can have negative connotations, but every other connotation is being conveniently ignored. “To extract that fang now.” Like oh Kotoko is in so much trouble the person with the brass knuckles and police baton is going to be taken out by the doctor who ultimately admitted that if he’s put under even an inkling of the mental stress or restraint the other guilty voted prisoners are under he won’t be able to help anybody not even himself.

That is wild to me. This man came into the interrogation room and admitted on tape that he is a bitch, and he would not live through what the Guilty voted prisoners had to. The only thing stopping him from getting the death he wants being other people don’t want to die. Then folks really came out like what if he hurts Kotoko she’s in so much danger if he’s innocent. Kotoko might jump his ass even if he is innocent let’s be real this is not about her and it never should be. Like wild…

Especially when like the literal second step to taking care of wounds caused by animals is removing any hair or teeth from the impacted area. You don’t dress the cut while the knife is still in you don’t put gauze over someone’s scrapped up hands with the thorns still in it. So, this line is far less threatening when you know that.

Just like Mahiru’s behavior in her first interrogation begins to make a lot more sense the more about attachment you know.

So, first… Let’s talk about secure and unhealthy attachment. Now I expect everyone in the Milgram fanbase to know a little about attachment theory. Predominantly about anxious attachment given how popular it has become to discuss that form of attachment in recent years and with how anxiety has been more widely accepted as an issue many people face. So, nervous habits like Haruka’s are easier for individuals to sympathize with while on the other hand the unhealthy form of attachment Mahiru displays can go easily overlooked or not be viewed as an attachment issue at all.

Even if she recognizes it is and warns people about it accordingly. “I’m going to start relying on you if you’re kind to me, so please forgive me, thanks!”

Attachment styles are usually looked at through a lens of consideration for children.

However, it’s been extended to adults as well and there are four attachment styles that adults can exhibit. Those being Secure, Avoidant, Anxious, and Disorganized.

“Individuals with anxious attachments are easily triggered and struggle to cope with their triggers (Johnson & Whiffen, 1999). Anxious attachment increases an individual’s need for closeness and also increases fears about the relationship and being rejected. Those who are more anxiously attached are more aware of their emotions but difficulties identifying and managing their emotions (Stevens, 2014). Avoidant attachment typically is associated with an avoidance of interpersonal closeness, a discomfort with emotional disclosure, and a desire for relational independence (Bartholomew, 1990; Mikulincer, Shaver & Pereg, 2003). Individuals with avoidant attachment typically mask their emotions and are less aware of their emotional state and are less reactive to their emotions, both positive and negative (johnson & Whiffen, 1999; Stevens, 2014).

Disorganized attachment is characterized by experiences of intense emotions and difficulty tracking one’s self and others (Beeney et al., 2017). Individuals with disorganized attachment struggle to engage in a predictable way because internal conflict experienced because of simultaneous fear of attachment figures and need for attachment figures (Rholes, Paetzolf, & Kohn, 2016).”

Mahiru’s attachment style and to an extent Mikoto’s mirror that of disorganized attachment. Where an individual is simultaneously afraid of having close relationships and stressed about not having any relationships. To really boil the problem down. It’s that feeling of don’t help me out because then I’ll believe you’ll be there for me but eventually you won’t be either because I’m too much or you’re too little but it’d be good to have someone to rely on to so…I hope you’re nice to me just a little bit. That stress of actually yes but no but maybe but no.

Unlike the signs of anxious attachment Haruka shows which is pretty much the opposite as he goes,

“I shouldn’t get too involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they may misunderstand. It’s no good.”,

“You shouldn’t be too close to me bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I’m naturally good at. The more you know about me, I’m sure I’ll bring misfortune onto you as well prison guard.”/ “You, everyone, if you all knew me… If you knew everything I did…I’m gonna be abandoned, that’s bound to happen.”

There’s a stark difference between I’m warning you not to get close because I’m afraid of being abandoned and that encompassing fear of I’m afraid of both the positive and negative aspects that come along with being close to anyone. Because if you’re afraid of both and it’s impossible to avoid having either at that point you’ll just do whatever and hope things don’t get serious. This sort of person can’t push people away to avoid being abandoned because then they’ll feel isolated and seeking to stop that isolation may led to them being to close to someone causing their fear of being abandoned to spike. So, they try to stay in the middle either by building up social barriers between them and others or just flat out warning people like if you’re nice I may rely on you.

It's a form of unhealthy attachment that’s difficult to deal with/recognize because people with this issue don’t inherently seem like they have issues socializing with others when it comes to everyday situations. Most attachment styles form in childhood but people with secure attachment can undergo trauma later in life and develop disorganized or anxious attachment styles. Now Mahiru’s home life seems to have been fine from what we’ve been given so far.

However, her romantic relationship seems to have been problematic for both parties, with the focus on cheating and the implied length of the relationship along with how it ended with Mahiru considering herself a murderer to the point that unlike some who try to deny it or justify their choice she just goes, “Kill someone… I guess I did… I can’t really deny it, can I?”

Yet, the notion that Mahiru was flirting with Es kind of overlooks that as soon as Es gives their name and age Mahiru says,

“Fifteen years old and a prison guard! Really, at that age? Despite being so young, you’re so admirable! If anything’s troubling you can talk it over with big sis, okay?”

Mahiru becomes informed of Es’ age at the start of the interrogation and immediately takes on a big sister role all on her own. Mahriu recognizes Es’ annoyance at her turning the questions on him but keeps asking questions as soon as she thinks of them.

I wouldn’t really call that flirting I’d call it being a talkative airhead if anything. Something Mahiru is shown to be through her interactions in the timeline.

20/05/30

Mahiru: Hey, Kotoko-chan. There’s something that’s really been bugging me, so do you mind if I ask? ……how do you style yourself so well? Have you always dressed like that? Though, it also looks like something you’d wear for training. Do you play sports? Ah, or maybe some kind of martial arts?

Kotoko: ……you really are carefree. Everyone in here is a “murderer” right? Is this really the time to be asking questions like that?

Mahiru: Hmm, I guess so. That’s what they said. But nobody here seems particularly scary or anything, right? If I had to pick someone, then maybe you’re the scariest! Ah, wait, do you like yoga or something?

Kotoko: ……I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or if you’re just an airhead.

20/06/08

Mahiru: Shidou-san…… you’re really good-looking. Personally, I think you’d be better if you ate a bit more, but you’re slim and tall, and well put together to boot…… You must’ve been super popular up until now, right?

Shidou: ……yeah, that’s true…… I did my share of fooling around in the past.

Mahiru: Oh~? That’s not the sort of answer I’d expect from you. I’ve got it! Somebody told you that if you replied like that people wouldn’t resent you so much, right?

Shidou: Haha, I’m surprised you guessed. ……it seems that no matter what guise I put on, it’s meaningless against a woman’s insight.

20/06/10

Futa: Hey, why are you acting so carefree all the time? You’re the oldest of the girls here, you should act it and deal with the others properly.

Mahiru: Eh~? I’m acting carefree~? But maybe you’re right. I mean, I…… ah, let’s make this a quiz. Hey, Futa-kun. What do you think I like doing? Tick, tick, tick, tick……

Futa: Ahh, what even is this mood you’ve started. It’s annoying. Just tell me the answer already.

Mahiru: Bzzt! Time’s up! The correct answer is “travelling” and “exciting things”~ You don’t get many chances at a lifestyle as exciting as this, right? So, of course I’m going to be a bit carefree, ufufu~

20/06/19

Kazui: By the way…… thanks, Shina-chan. You keep going around and talking to people to make sure the mood never gets too sour, right? It’s a big help. We’re all in here together, after all. If a fight broke out the whole group could fall apart.

Mahiru: ……eh? Huh~? Ah, no, I’m just talking to people because I personally want to talk. All the kids are so cute, so I can’t help but want to fuss over them! A fight, huh… But if that ever happened, then you’ll definitely be a big help, right~? Since you’re so big! And buff!

Kazui: Ahh, no. I mean, I’ll do what I can. Based on appearance, as long as nobody has a weapon, I think I can probably get everyone under control…… No, we should just hope that nothing like that ever happens.

Mahiru: You know, I quite like watching martial arts, actually. I don’t really get it, but it looks super cool. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

The timeline is full of examples of Mahiru just being like this. Even if she tells Kazui she’s just going around and talking to the people she wants to. It can’t be overlooked that these small interactions heavily contributed to the light and comfortable atmosphere many appreciated during the first trial. She’s also shown to continually fawn over and spend time with the younger people in Milgram. Even though Futa says she should be taking things more seriously given she’s the oldest woman here by behaving this way that’s exactly what Mahiru is doing.

She's recognizing the situation is weird and trying to put a positive spin on it, so the others don’t get more stressed out. Like it’s a once in a lifetime adventure nothing to be scared over, it’s all good think of it this way if we weren’t here now we wouldn’t even have met and I’m happy I met you aren’t you happy you met me, let’s try to make the best of it. A scary thing is sometimes just something fun upside down. In fact, it’s something adults commonly do with people younger than them during stressful situations. It’s this thing called lying to them because the truth is fundamentally worse.

In this case the truth would be no one regardless of age has any idea about what’s going on here, where they are, and what the people in this facility may do to them.

This is hardly even conjecture on my part since we see Mahiru handle Mu in the way one would a child.

20/07/13

Mahiru: Right…… so you too, Mu-chan…… ……hmm, I guess it’s because of the environment here. Sometimes your mental state has an impact.

Mu: ……you’re the same, then? ……that it’s gone……

Mahiru: ……it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. This sort of thing happens all the time~ Right, Mu-chan, do you want to eat something sweet? Jackalope-chan left a bunch of stuff out for us.

Mu: Yeah, I’ll eat them…… But…… I’d rather have mille crepe……

She sees Mu is upset, shows she understands why she is upset, and immediately diverts Mu’s attention to something else. It's literally how people are taught to handle upset children. If you can't give them the thing they want either because it's out or doesn't work for some reason divert their attention to something else. Like well that’s gone, everything's fine, things run out sometimes, but you can have this thing instead.

That's literally just being capable of dealing with children at that point. Which isn’t surprising for Mahiru given what we know about her hobbies and interests. That and the fact that it’s been heavily alluded to that she wanted a family and kids. Not only that but she feels like she’s behind when it comes to accomplishing that despite being 22 when she was incarcerated.

20/07/06

Amane: You want to know about my family……? My father is a truly wonderful person. He’s honest, values fairness and justice above all else, and will work himself to the bone for other people’s sake……. Why do you want to know?

Mahiru: Oh, I was just wondering what sort of parents you must have for them to have raised such a good child like you. Fufu, I’ll keep it in mind for the future when I raise my own family.

Amane: I see. If it will be of use to you, I’ll tell you more. It’s still a long way off for me, but for someone your age the prospect of finding a partner and having a family must feel a lot more real. Now that I think about it, I recall my mother was around your age when she gave birth to me……

Mahiru: Oof…! Even though you meant no ill with that statement, Mahiru onee-chan is suddenly really feeling the pressure~~!

The way she refers to herself even changes depending on the age of the person she’s talking to. Referring to herself as big sister with Es and Amane then with Mu and Haruka referring to them both as chan.

20/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritizes their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Mahiru just has a genuine interest in getting to know people. The most important thing to her is mutual understanding. Something she highlights in her voice drama,

“B-but you know prison guard… I think having a mutual understanding of each other is pretty important.”

She doesn’t start asking Es questions until after she's given them information on herself. Even if she jumps the gun on introducing herself, she’s just expecting back what she gave. Like I introduced myself now you okay. This is a pretty common thing people do when they work with children. For example, my god daughter is in elementary school when she goes to school the teacher greets her and doesn't let her in until she greets them back. They do this in order to practice reciprocity when it comes to conversing with others.

I wouldn't consider teachers doing that flirting even if it went past good morning into an actual conversation. Such as the teacher asking a student if they had a nice weekend or about their spring break. Even outside of that framing, like it or not, Milgram is a place where the prisoners and the guard are all forced to interact with each other because they're basically living together.

So, of course they'll have to talk to each other especially during the interrogations. There are benefits in understanding how to have a conversation especially if we're looking to figure out what they did. Being closed off like Yuno or Kazui tends to mean we find out less about what they did. Now, to be frank there are some characters I don't give a damn about knowing better so folks can make up whatever they want but it's incredibly frustrating to have characters I would like to get to know better reduced to just one thing and then shelfed like Yuno.

I just don't believe Mahiru wishing to have a reciprocal conversation is grounds to say she's flirting with anyone. Because honestly if someone were to ask me a bunch of questions about myself then when I’m like okay so what about you suddenly they clam up I’d feel a way about that. Considering that I’d just given them knowledge about me but as soon as I make it about them, they’re walking away… I’d feel a bit used. Because they understand me better, but I know nothing more about them, I haven't gained anything from this interaction.

How is that fair especially if I go through the trouble of answering That’s not how this works, I gave them personal information now they should reciprocate that’s a social transaction, “I don’t just want to give. Both giving and receiving are good things.”

Now it can be interrogated if this was the proper place for Mahiru to apply that sort of understanding. However, she’s only treating Es the same way Kazui, Shidou, and Mikoto did as a child. Because Es is a child. I think the reason people are more suspicious of her than others is because she comes off as more sincere or genuine along with her fixation on discussing romance. Something Mahiru has repeatedly used as a conversational crutch to get comfortable communicating with others. It's not as though this is a subject she only brings up with Es.

So, to me it seems like she’s really been shot in the foot by how sincerely interested she seems to be. The fact that people can’t really tell if she’s serious or not led to her being misinterpreted greatly by fans and within the series itself. Something that’s not surprising given it’s much easier for women to pretend to be engaged in conversation with children than men because well “Oh, wow what’s a nice drawing you have there. Oh, my that’s so interesting I would have never guessed. Oh, whoa amazing- A prison guard at this age how admirable.”

Women are taught how to fake interest earlier than man are most of the time and usually with childrearing in mind. Mahiru is so good at seeming genuine that even Kotoko has to question if she’s taking a dig at her or if she’s just that stupid. Yuno even admits she’s finally figured out that Mahiru is just a natural airhead and not condescending in her first written interrogation.

Q.26 Has anything interesting happened in MILGRAM lately?

Haruka: Recently Mu-san has started talking to me more often.

Yuno: – Confirmed that Mahiru-san really is a natural airhead – Futa getting looked down on by Amane.

The reason that it’s been so difficult for people within Milgram to confirm this about Mahiru is because it’s incredibly difficult to tell if someone is lying when they’re sort of telling the truth. It comes off as genuine because she is impressed by the individual and excited to learn more about them but objectively it’s probably not the most impressive thing she’s ever seen. To be completely honest it is possible she may not even care about what the other person is saying at all or just responding reflexively.

At the end of the day Mahiru has lived twenty-two years whatever anyone beneath her age does in Milgram won’t be a surprise to her. She doesn’t even question why Amane a rather young child is in here for murder while fully understanding something she did resulted in someone else’s death.

“Do you fully understand the situation you’re in, Mahiru? You’re a prisoner who’s killed someone. You weren’t brought here to have fun.”

“Killed someone… I guess I did. I can’t really deny it, can I?”/ “Sin, my sin…I guess so.”

Unlike Mikoto who when genuinely confronted with the idea that everyone is a murderer is like huh no way. Mahiru knows she killed someone, to the point that she can’t even deny it, or attempt to justify why she did. Instead, as soon as the opportunity presents itself, she immediately diverts the conversation back to the topic she’s comfortable with. Es literally only says,

“Milgram exists to reveal the sins of you prisoners then hand down the appropriate judgement on said sins. So, for that reason, talk to me for a bit.”

Mahiru throws everything else Es has said out the window instead latching onto the word talk completely,

“Talk! Yay, let’s talk! Let’s talk! Prison guard, are you interested in me? That makes me so happy.”

Notice how she got rid of the word sin entirely, making the topic of conversation not her sin/murder like Es expressly brought up but herself.

Even Es catches Mahiru’s attempt to derail the interrogation muttering to themselves about it. Yet unlike Yuno and Mu before her Mahiru is persistent. She doesn’t need to make a deal with Es or the series to conveniently give Es an existential crisis because she just happened to ask the right question even though it tries. Nope she’s just chatty and if you’re chatty enough you can get away with not giving anyone the information they asked for.

She notes Es’ muttering stating, “What are you muttering to yourself about?”

Then when Es clears his throat and begins to attempt to take charge of the situation again before they can bring up the topic of sins once more or even ask Mahiru to introduce herself she chimes in with-

“I’ll start! I’m Mahiru Shina, twenty-two years old. I might not be much good at anything, but please be kind to me.”

Then turns the introduction directly back on Es as we’ve discussed before. Reciprocity is a great way to make people feel like they’ve gained something in a conversation even if they haven’t gained the thing they wanted. Because chances are if someone asks you a question and you start a different conversation, they’ll just forget about that question which Es did for a good while.

During the rest of Mahiru’s interrogation. Mahiru continues to lead the conversation regardless of how many times Es tries to put it back on track. Mahiru even throws in trivial information about herself to keep the conversation going in the direction she likes or just keep it flowing. Mentioning the magazines she read, offering herbal solutions to Es’ memory problems. Until she slips up but ultimately goes back into the topic, she’s comfortable discussing love.

When the mention of her crime does come up again, she clams up only responding with,

“I guess it did… I think it was love.”/ “I suppose…you’re right.”

Giving very short answers up until the point Es assumed she killed out of jealousy or due to a grudge. After that she’s suddenly very willing to elaborate on the situation,

“You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never wanted to kill anyone in the first place! I just… I was… just being myself."

“What do you mean by that?”

“Not telling. After all I still don’t know you that well, prison guard.”

Mahiru is very aware of what she wishes to disclose and what she doesn't wish to. Instead of lying to Es which was something she could have done she bluntly goes I'm not telling you that covering it up with the fact she doesn't know the guard well enough. Just to give Es the impression that with enough time they'll get to know each other enough then she'll feel comfortable telling him that. It's the social equivalent of I'll tell you when you're older which is basically maybe this will come up again but it more than likely won't.

Now, if you’re discussing the ending of the interrogation specifically,

“Hey, prison guard, please tell me. If I love someone is that something unforgiveable?”

“I don’t know from the beginning, I never really understood what you were saying.”

“Oh, I see… I guess so. There’s something wrong with me, right? You can’t understand me, right?”

“Yeah, as of now.”

“Huh?”

“As of now I don’t understand you. That’s what I’m saying. But I will soon. Just wait and see. To be honest, the topics brought up in this interrogation were entirely outside of my area of expertise. Because of that I may have to deepen my understanding just as you said.”

“Prison guard.”

“I’m your prison guard even if I have an aversion to something or there’s something I can’t understand doesn’t meant I’m just going to give up on you and deem it hopeless. Not until I’ve judged your sins and decided if I forgive them or not.”

“Eh? Does that mean you’ll always keep an eye on me?”

“What? Well, it’s my duty after all.”

At this point Mahiru has difficulty containing her excitement and vocalizes it for the second time. Unlike Haruka who attempts to contain his excitement within his first voice trial but cracks a grin at being being slapped.

“What is it?!”

“My heart skipped a beat.”

“Just what on earth are you saying?”

“I… guess I love people who are enthusiastic about their work.”

“You- you’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Ah, this isn’t good! Be careful, okay. Um…um... If you’re that kind to me, you could die as well. Just- kidding..?”

“I wasn’t trying to be kind to you or anything like that. From the start I’ve just downright haven’t understood a thing you’ve said. However, rest assured, I promise no matter what you do, what you think, I won’t die.”

This gets another audible display of excitement or joy out of Mahiru.

“Because I’m Milgram’s prison guard-that’s why.”

Mahiru can no longer contain her excitement and gets up from her chair as we can hear her shoes clack against the floor a few steps before the song extraction machine whirs to life it’s bell ringing startling her from her movement and causing her to ask,

“Wha-what is this? Is it because my love exploded?”

“No, it’s the end of the interrogation- Goodness sake… things never go as planned, do they? With you prisoners I mean.”

Then Es explains, “The personal experiences I see how true to life the videos are, and the degree of abstraction that all depends on the person. It may even depend on how each of you perceives your own sin.”

This has nothing to do with Mahiru just wanted to point it out again given the new trials and me seeing some statements about how prisoners can’t lie in their videos because this expressly told us that they can it just depends on the person. They can lie in their videos if they want to. It’s their fucking minds making them. It makes sense that the videos would be impacted by their beliefs, interests, or how they view their actions.

It all comes down to how they personally view it and what they think is important at that moment. This is why Mikoto’s was so jarring from the start because unlike the other prisoners who know exactly why they’re here he’s not conscious of what he did wrong. So, he can’t dress it up well because he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be dressing up. We see everyone else do this to an extent throughout trial one.

Like it’s so fucked up that anyone is even going the prisoners can’t lie in their songs or dress thing up at all. Like yeah Shidou’s victim was the flower person, Kazui didn’t destroy a relationship he really only broke a vase, Yuno didn’t get an abortion she popped a balloon, Mu was really trapped in that hourglass, and Futa wasn’t on twitter he was actually the protagonist of an isekai stuck in a video game world where he was really fighting level bosses, and Haruka is from the crayon version of chalkzone.

Then like one of my friends keeps saying Mikoto didn’t kill more than one person he just teleported behind the guy at the beginning of MeMe who ran under the underpass got hit with a bat from behind then is somehow still the victim we see crawling on the ground because the video can’t lie so Mikoto must just have VIP access to the fucking backrooms. Fuck it Kotoko didn’t jump two different people she kicked that guy in the alley in the face so hard he had to get reconstructive facial surgery then he became a child abductor then she had to hunt him down again and put a stop to him for good. Amane wasn’t in a cult unless you consider the cult of popularity one she was actually a child actress on a well know public access show in Japan who was complicit with the death of one of her fellow child actors who got an onset injury as a result of her parents religious belief not to give people medical help and the punishment she received after the first time she did it. The next person that got hurt she just watched them die and that’s why she’s here.

Nobody did anything wrong there’s no victims here except victims of circumstance as far as the eye can see. Except for Mikoto who under this idea is just a god who can bend reality and not only didn’t need to work at that job but just really didn’t need to resort to murder at any point either. If this were the case at that point he could’ve robbed a bank. So, I guess he’s guilty everybody else though can go home.

The extent people will go just to try to prove one thing even when it’s notably false and has been stated to be so from the beginning is wild. Like no they can also lie in the videos no one ever said they couldn’t in fact the exact opposite was said. This can also lead to them making themselves look worse like in the case of Mikoto, Haruka, and Mu’s. Usually as a reaction to if they feel their interrogation went poorly. Because they go directly into the machine after the interrogation and that will be the freshest experience on their mind which will of course impact the video extracted.

Back to Mahiru. Yeah, I gotta admit that is weird but she’s not the first prisoner to behave in this matter when it comes to enjoying being watched or controlled. That would be Haruka yet I don’t see people saying he was flirting with Es when that happened. In fact another character even calls Haruka’s response to being slapped kinky but most overlook that. Even though at this point that’s clearly what it is since he is deriving pleasure from pain and being controlled.

So, if we want to put some sexual or flirtatious spin on Mahiru’s behavior that rightfully stands for Haruka as well. Just because she’s older than him doesn’t mean all of her actions are subject to sexual scrutiny but his aren’t. He’s seventeen according to him when he was brought to Milgram and as of 2023 with the continued celebrating of birthdays implying aging is still very much a thing within Milgram he’d be twenty going on twenty-one in June because he had a birthday after being brought to Milgram.

Like this may be an assumption on my part but I thought since we were celebrating birthdays they were aging. I did assume they weren’t celebrating birthdays for nothing. Like I don’t think they’re in stasis because Shidou and Mikoto are notably still aging both of their hair has grown out and everything. It even appears as though Amane has gotten taller because even slouched down, knees bent in her season two art she seems to be above the height she was at incarceration.

Something that subtly calls attention to this idea is the interaction Haruka has on Mikoto's birthday last year.

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

Outside of taking into consideration they are aging while in Milgram. A lot of people who are seventeen do have sexual relationships, some even have them younger than that. Most of the male friends I've had have told me they’re first sexual relationship/experience was before the end of middle school. So, in fairness if this is going to be something interrogated for Mahiru it’s only right that Haruka’s behavior is interrogated as well.

Like, I’m not saying this is a bad point to consider. I am however saying consider it for each prisoner who was acting in this way instead of just dogpiling on one because Haruka’s behavior was also suspicious and continues to be so. Yet, I understand how pointing out Haruka’s flaws when it comes to this can seem like shifting the topic and like whataboutism.

So, when it comes to Mahiru behaving in this way at the end of her interrogation I think it’s weird but not out of character for her. Mahiru never tells Es that what she values the most is love. Because it’s not what she values the most, at least it’s not what I think she values the most. What she values the most throughout her first trial interrogation isn’t love but being understood and understanding the person she loves.

Not just wanting to put in the effort to understand them but them doing the same when it comes to understanding her.

The thing she’s interested in is having people pay attention to her. Like really pay attention to her and not just go on about themselves. This is why I think she gets overly excited when Es says they aren’t just going to stop trying to get to know her just because they can’t understand her immediately. That’s why she immediately goes something’s wrong with me right you can’t understand me right? Just to then go wait don’t say things like that when Es earnestly states I don’t get it right now but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to because it’s his job after all.

Getting to know them, seeing their sins, judging them, that’s what the guard of Milgram is meant to do. It’s the exact opposite of Mikoto who’s like I would hate for someone to be watching me. Milgram is separated on another level outside of maturity. Those who want to be watched, those that don’t, and ones who seem indifferent.

Those who want to be watched: Kazui (Wants to be viewed as guilty), Shidou (Wants to be viewed as guilty), Futa (Wants to be viewed as Innocent), Mu (Wants to be viewed as Innocent), Haruka (Wants to be viewed as Innocent or Guilty or just fawned over by someone???), Mahiru (Wants to be viewed as Innocent to the point she cold opened with if you can’t forgive me I’d rather die.)

Those Who Don’t: Yuno (Has stated she doesn’t want our opinion in three different ways), Amane (Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you but if you do agree we could work together), Kotoko (Would rather be a team because it’s easier if we agree but doesn’t seem against the idea of taking action on her own), Mikoto (Literally hostile/defensive towards being perceived and has been since Milgram started.)

Though this goes back into the discussion on attachment above at this point and how Mahiru wants closeness but is afraid of what will happen if she gets to close.

Mahiru even pulls the same thing we see her do in her first interrogation with Es on Futa. Pulling him into her pace with ease and the only ones to call her out for this and meet her where she’s at is someone she says has cheater energy, Shidou, and Kazui who thanks her for her hard work when it comes to keeping the atmosphere light which she plays off like no, no I do this because I want to.

Which should sound rather familiar.

20/06/29

Yuno: ……mmm, the food here is pretty nice. I wonder if the guard made it…… Oh yeah, Mahiru-san, do you cook?

Mahiru: Hm? I do~ Cooking, washing, cleaning, I love doing all those sorts of things~ Fufufu, I passed all my self-imposed training to become the perfect wife with flying colours!

Yuno: Wow, incredible… I don’t know whether to call that old-fashioned or what. ……isn’t it a pain?

Mahiru: Eh~? I don’t think it’s a pain at all~ It’s fun~

This sort of behavior is something her and Mikoto have in common since they’re rather quick talkers moving from one point to another like that. This may be why she dislikes him a little bit even though she’s accepted the nickname. It can be incredibly difficult for two people with the same communication habits to get along because most of the time one will end up speaking over the other. Basically Mikoto and Mahiru seem like the type to be a bit more interested in learning about others and move away from discussing themselves. Usually holding themselves back because they believe they’re talking too much or turning the topic to the other person when they don’t want to discuss themselves.

They’ll give a little information about themselves but they both have it in their heads well I’ve told you this now can you answer x for me. It’s a social transaction. Best example of this with Mikoto is his interaction with Shidou.

20/06/20

Mikoto: ……oh, so you are here after all. Shidou-san, are you free? Let’s chat~

Shidou: ! Ah, just give me a moment…… Um…… I don’t mind talking, but you didn’t need to come over while I was smoking. Are you sure it isn’t too smoky for you? You’re not a smoker, right, Kayano-kun?

Mikoto: Ah, you don’t need to put it out! That’d be such a waste! I smoke too occasionally. Though just vape. Like, the smoking room is a really good spot for communication, right? So, I thought now might be a good opportunity to talk with you. Not like I have anything else to do.

By the way, I’ve been wondering for a while, but do you always wear those gloves?

Shidou: I don’t…… How to put it…… I suppose…… since I have my hands covered all the time, then when I take them off, it feels as though the feeling in my fingertips is even greater…… I know it’s probably all in my head…… but that’s how it feels.

It’s not exactly an insidious thing to do and I’d like to say it’s a very common thing amongst people in my age group. Though it’s more honest to say I do it a lot myself. Where you’ll tell someone trivial information that’s common for most folks and then ask something you were interested in knowing about them. Something not as common but specific to who they are. It’s kind of difficult to deal with people who communicate like that or be someone who communicates in that way.

Because eventually people they talk to will come up and go hm I don’t really know much about you what do you like exactly without realizing maybe that was intentional. There’s a difference between subjective truths and objective facts is my point here.

Mahiru even attempts to do something similar to what Mikoto did there with Shidou to him. This situation highlights how Mahriu uses the topic of romance as a sort of conversational crutch and how Es isn’t the only person she does so with. After their somewhat rocky introduction, Mahiru goes out of her way to create a sleepover environment, orders specific futons, invites Mikoto and Kazui all just to roll over as they’re meant to be sleeping to Mikoto specifically and say,

“Hey… Did you fall asleep already? Is there a person you like?”

To Mikoto’s visual discomfort as he goes, “No…but… What is going on here?”

Like the entire minigram makes it seem like Mahiru sprung this on Mikoto and Kazui was an accomplice. Mahiru admits to planning it even down to ordering specific futons. Kazui being the third person here, one of the people Mikoto is comfortable with because well he has a nickname, they smoke together with Shidou, and no kids being present. Or even any other girls despite Mahiru claiming this is the perfect environment for girl talk she's the only one there to our knowledge I guess I don't know how Kazui and Mikoto identify I suppose they could be fluid which diversity win??? We're not gonna go into that here. The point is they're male presenting.

Mahiru didn’t invite any female presenting prisoners or the one canonically cis one Mu. I still can't believe I can say that now. Instead she invited Mikoto who probably showed up because well it’s Kazu and Mappi. So, it should be fine then she does this. It's giving the same energy as Mikoto going oh Shidou is smoking good chance to talk to him and break the ice except instead of waiting for the chance Mahiru just creates it.

Something we’re shown she has a habit of doing in This Is How To Be In Love With You,

She has misgivings about Mikoto. Has claimed he has cheater energy but is still trying to break the ice and relate to him by discussing a topic she enjoys romance. This is also one of the rare moments we see Mikoto get annoyed or put off. Responding to Mahiru with,

“So, you made it into that sort of situation? That’s why- you wrote futons on the supply list. I was surprised you were able to change the bedding.”/ “Poor Guard-kun.”

To the point Kazui has to break in and be like,

“Don’t criticize Mahiru too much the place and atmosphere is very important when it comes to discussing certain things. Hmm, not sure if I have any girl talk material. How about a story of a messy love triangle from the place I used to work at?”

Which elicits this response, “You old man…”

Really displaying the closeness and mutual understanding between most of the older inmates. It gives that vibe of the kids are asleep let’s talk shit as Mikoto is there like how did I get dragged into this if I knew it was this sort of thing I would’ve went back to my cell. As if they knew each other outside of Milgram they'd probably all go drinking together.

Mahiru actively invites people she considers her peers maturity wise to this. Yuno isn’t here, Mu isn’t, Kotoko isn’t none of the girls close to her age just Mikoto a guy a year older than her and Kazui the thirty-nine-year-old. Despite that, I’ve rarely if ever seen anyone say she was flirting with Mikoto here. Because we know she isn’t because she’s complained about him saying he has cheater energy.

I really don't understand how presuming she’s flirting with the fifteen-year-old in her interrogation is somehow easier to conclude but hey we are laying next to each other, about to sleep right besides each other, and I'm asking if you have someone you like this is clearly platonic though. No one said shit about that. Again, I understand how she could come off that way. However, given all the people she’s spoken to about romance in a somewhat flirtatious way to only highlight the interrogation with Es seems like cherry-picking to me.

Milgram does a good job of highlighting the various maturity levels of the characters as they communicate with each other. Showing to me that there’s a high chance the most mature people within the prison would be as follows Kazui, Mahiru, Mikoto, Yuno, then Shidou. Yes, Yuno is before Shidou. Because she’s called Mikoto and Mahiru both out on their people pleasing antics and is the one to step up and focus on the mood when Mahiru and Mikoto were put out of commission by their verdicts even if she says she doesn’t like to be bothered.

Shidou is also just more likely to let kids walk all over him given his experiences and can come off as though he’s talking down to those younger than him instead of with them which is kind of immature in my book. I think one of the points of being a “proper adult” should be being able to talk to people younger or older than oneself like their people not idiots, or someone who are beneath you usually meeting them where they’re at and reading the atmosphere. Everyone on the list I made up there has shown themselves to be good at that to varying degrees.

This is also why Kotoko and Futa aren’t on this list because they can’t do that at all. Sure, they think they’re being mature…. Anyone that’s actually mature or has had to take responsibility for others will get annoyed with their shit and try to sort out their behavior through communicating with them or avoiding them. Like Mikoto on Kotoko’s birthday. He doesn’t just talk to her because he’s nice.

His behavior could also be interpreted as him going this is a problem child, who has lashed out once already but directly confronting the issue like he did with Futa is something he recognizes won’t lead to her reflecting on her behavior- Because Kotoko is under the belief that she’s doing what the guard wants her to. The guard has already voted him guilty and made him into a bad guy in her eyes him stating her behavior is wrong could be taken as validating it’s right because why should she care about what a guilty person says.

That’ll just get her to fight him so he tries the nice way, the prisoners can’t physically fight each other now that the guard is awake so let’s try to call a truce for now and discuss exactly what her issue is during this time. She’s still younger than me so it’s up to me to be the mature and bigger person as an adult. Because twenty would be a child to a twenty-three-year-old with a job just as eighteen or twenty would be a child to a twenty-two-year-old. Hence why Mahiru invites Kazui and Mikoto to this girl talk sleepover but not any of the other girls.

I don’t really think anyone would be surprised by how many people above the age of twenty-one consider twenty and twenty-one too young or still a kid where I live. It’s basically everyone I know. Though most twenty- and twenty-one-year-olds are like I’m just like you I’m in my twenties I’m an adult I can drink and honestly like uh huh yeah they are but for the most part only legally… We’ve seen Milgram mess around with this concept with how Futa reacts to Yuno playing children games her little brother liked.

For a good deal of people, a lot of a person’s early twenties is just pretending to be mature and trying to distance oneself from childish things which can lead to people being more immature and sort of closeminded. Kind of the I could never be wrong age for people who never really went through that much before finishing high school. Admittedly I was more in Yuno or Mikoto’s boat mindset wise before graduating high school. So, I already had a heavy focus on reading the atmosphere due to certain experiences I had up until that point.

Though with characters like Futa and Kotoko they both seem to have not really experienced much of the things they dislike about society. Which makes it easier for people who have experienced stuff like that to hate them because their activism/help comes off as self-indulgent performative nonsense to anyone who’s dealt with societal struggles.

Mikoto and Mahiru usually give objective facts about themselves and tend to keep away from subjective truths unless put under a considerable amount of stress.

22/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: My birthday…… the day I was born…… But was there really any reason for me being born? Lately I’ve started to wonder that. Do you ever think about stuff like that, Yuno-chan?

Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that. But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless?

Mahiru: : ……you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know.

Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

When they do, they’re usually the ones to quickly shut themselves down. Either asking someone else what they think or going well what use is talking about it gonna do. Because they both seem to be people who tend to want to handle their issues themselves or not worry others. Not to call out everyone but that’s a very common thing amongst people in their age range when Milgram started.

Yet, it is kind of adorable how Mahiru attempts to catch Mikoto off guard by discussing romance stuff with him something he may not have much of a grasp of but she could discuss all day when Kazui, Mikoto and her are having that little sleep over. During her first interrogation even when Mahiru brings up Es being in the height of their adolescence or the springtime of youth. That's mostly due to her interest in shoujo manga where the protagonists of that tend to be around Es' age. So, even that's not that weird when considered fully.

What I'm getting at here is there are other explanations for all the characters actions that can put them in a more negative or positive light. However, I feel if one thing is going to be interrogated with one prisoner it's only fair to interrogate the same thing with others. Since a lot of the prisoners have acted in ways that can be perceived as inappropriate towards Es and it's odd to only single out Mahiru in this regard.

#milgram #shina mahiru #this is really long

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slippinmickeys · 2 years ago

Text

Le Comtesse de Saint-Germain

(TW: major character death)

The basement office was cold, dusty and had a smell redolent of the dry bones of long-dead animals. There were reams of paper, dot-matrix printouts, binders of old expense reports, an antique brass microscope. There were coffee rings on the desk, a paper clip wedged into the roller on one of the drawers, an adjustable date rubber stamp that didn’t go past 1999 sitting in an old styrofoam cup. In one corner, near the floor, a sunflower seed husk had been painted over and was stuck to the wall. A thick layer of dust lay over all.

She moved into the room, leaned forward to observe a picture of the two of them that had been tacked to the wall with a pushpin; glossy, moody, the two of them in FBI windbreakers wearing masks of concentration. It captured something peripheral about them, about their relationship, though she couldn’t put her finger on what. She realized how they had once looked to outsiders; they were cliquish, the two of them. Insular and subterranean. They worked best in the dark.

There was a clearing of a throat behind her — the agent who’d let her in had come to collect her. She had called in several favors for the privilege.

“Right,” she said, and picked up her briefcase. It was light and contained a single file which was probably still classified. She was committing a crime by taking it. She paused and turned back, pulled the push pin out and slipped the photo into her pocket.

XxX

“Excuse me,” said a voice, and she was so in her own head that she didn’t register that it was talking to her until it repeated itself. She looked up to see a handsome man smiling at her with brows raised in friendly anticipation.

“I’m sorry?” she said, looking up from where she was standing, somewhat cemented in place in front of the peaches in the produce aisle at her local market. Mulder had said peaches were the only thing that sounded good.

“I’m wondering,” he said somewhat shyly, “if you have any idea how to tell if an avocado is ripe?” She looked at him a little blankly at first, her head still on the fruit in front of her. “I got voluntold to bring guacamole to this party I’m going to tonight, and I haven’t the foggiest idea how to tell if these are ready.”

“I think the premade stuff is over in the deli,” she said, trying to be helpful, but really not wanting to engage.

“I’m trying to defy expectations, here,” he smiled. He was maybe forty, with dusty blond hair and a strong chin. Wide set eyes. His hands were big and tan where they gripped a medium-sized avocado. She took pity on him and shook herself a bit, put on a friendly smile. Overhead the canned sounds of an oldies station blared Vampire Weekend.

“The stems,” she told him.

“The… stems?” he said, looking a little lost.

“Yes,” she said, walking over the few steps to where he stood. She picked up an avocado and levered her thumbnail under the stem. “If you can get your fingernail under the stem and lift it a little, the color underneath it will tell you whether or not it’s ripe. If it’s brown, it’s likely overripe. If it’s green, it should be good. If the stem won’t lift, it’s not ready yet. This one’s okay.” She handed it over to him, and he accepted the fruit, his palm smooth and warm.

“Huh,” the man said, delighted by the information. “Would you look at that!”

She gave him a small smile and turned to go when he reached out and grabbed at her sleeve. Gently, just a little tug. He let go immediately when she paused.

“Thank you,” he said, genuinely. His eyes, she noticed, were a deep brown, and his gaze was soft. He smiled again, a little flirty. “How did you get to be an avocado queen, anyway?”

“Years of experience,” she said ruefully, and then turned away once more.

“Hey,” he said, and she knew his game – tired of it years ago – but he was nice enough. “You look familiar,” he went on. “Did we go to school together by any chance? Bulldogs, class of ‘25?” he finished, giving the air a little punch.

She wanted to outright laugh, but gave him a forgiving smile instead. “Have fun at your party,” she said as she walked away.

XxX

In the hallway outside Mulder’s door, around a blind corner, she almost collided with an older gentleman. When they both regained their footing, she seemed to recover from the surprise of the moment before he did. The man, well into his seventies, with thinning hair and a paunch that hung over his belt, continued to look at her with a kind of mute shock.

“Sir?” she said, reaching out a hand to steady him. He recoiled slightly, his face still registering mild astonishment. Concerned he may be having some kind of cardiac event, Scully bent toward him. “Sir, are you all right?”

“Uh,” he started, shaking his head as if to clear it. “Yes, thank you.”

They both stepped around each other and he gave her one more odd look before continuing on down the hallway and to the elevator.

It only occurred to her as she inserted her key into Mulder’s lock that the man had to have been coming from her old partner’s apartment. Mulder didn’t get many visitors these days, barring her.

“Mulder?” she called once she had closed the door and had set down her suitcase and coat.

“In here,” he called back, and she made her way to the bedroom.

“Hey,” he said to her with a smile when she walked in, scooting up in the bed.

“Hi,” she said, moving to his side to help him adjust the pillows. “How are you feeling?”

“Like the dog’s breakfast,” he said with a smile. She sat down on the bed next to him and ran her fingers through his hair.

“At least you seem happy about it,” she said.

“Nah, I’m just happy to see you,” he said with a sigh. Scully let her fingers linger in his hair for a beat or two and he went on. “Did you get the file?”

“I did.”

“Is it in the bag?”

Scully turned to look at the small paper bag she’d carried in and left on top of the nearby dresser.

“Oh, no.” She turned back to him. “I got you some peaches.”

“Ah. Thank you.”

“Do you feel up to eating?” she asked hopefully.

He shook his head. “Wouldn’t mind seeing the file, though.” He gave her as much of a puppy dog smile he could muster, and she mussed his hair affectionately and stood to get her briefcase from the outer room.

When she came back in, she settled into the chair beside the bed and handed the file over.

“You do know they have digital copies of these Mulder,” she said as he swiped it out of her hands. Getting the file seemed to animate him a bit, and he scooched back in the bed energetically, settling in to read. “They wouldn’t let me sign it out. I had to…” She gestured with her hands, not quite able to bring herself to admit to stealing something out loud.

“Ah, but asking you to commit a felony has always been our thing,” he said, his rapscallion smile bringing about one of her own. “Anyway, I think better when I’ve got something in my hand.”

He opened the file and she watched as his eyes scanned the pages. After a few quiet minutes, she spoke.

“There was someone leaving here when I came in,” she said. Mulder hummed what might have been an affirmation, not looking up from the file. “Who was it?”

He didn’t answer for a long time, eventually setting the file down on his lap. He then turned it slowly toward her and pointed to something on the last page. She stood from the chair and leaned in to look, following his finger with her eye.

Agents of Record, the file read, Dana Scully and Peyton Ritter.

Mulder’s finger stayed on the second name.

“Peyton Ritter,” she read off out loud, and then realization dawned on her. “That was Peyton Ritter in the hallway?” she asked. “Peyton Ritter was just here?”

Mulder nodded silently, his rheumy eyes seeking hers. A low feeling of unease began to wind through her, starting low in her belly where Ritter’s bullet had lodged itself all those years ago.

“Mulder, I’ve been indulging some of your more kooky requests for a while now because you’re-” she fumbled, unable to finish the sentence. From the bed, Mulder gave her a look of tender sympathy, his eyes crinkling with affection. He reached out for her, the skin of his hands liver-spotted and thin as paper. She looked down at her own, smooth as glass, ripe with collagen, and she swallowed thickly, steamrolling ahead. “But you need to tell me right now, why did you want this file? Why was Peyton Ritter here? What are you up to?”

He began coughing before he could answer; deep, rattly hacks. Scully sat forward quickly and grabbed a glass of water that had been sitting on his bedside table, holding it to his lips. Mulder sipped at it and then pushed her hand gently away. The headboard creaked when he leaned back into the pillows.

“Scully,” he said gently, imbuing her name with a thousand different sentiments.

“Mulder, no.” A tear dropped onto her cheek and ran hotly down her skin.

“If I can figure out how Fellig did it-” he started.

“Mulder no!” She stood up quickly, her voice shaky and thin as tissue paper.

“It’s a burden, Scully,” he went on, seeming to have no sympathy for her at all, and yet his every word was suffused with tender understanding. “Your youth–your life will become a burden I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. If I could take it from you… If I could carry it…”

Another series of coughs wracked him and Scully sat back down on the bed, futilely watching his body double over with each seal-like bark. When he finally stopped, he was stooped, his head hanging down, and Scully reached out to pull him to her tightly. She held him there, tears rolling down her cheeks and dropping one by one into his thin white hair.

“I would do anything for you, Scully,” he said, his voice muffled by her body.

“Including living – forever – like this?” she hissed, leaning back so he could sit up, and pointing at him, at his wizened condition.

His smile was weak. “Yes,” he said simply.

He leaned back once again into the pillows. “Being this close to death,” he said, and Scully felt her lower lip wobble with emotion. “There’s a clarity that comes with it. An understanding of what really matters. All the pieces of your life get a bit fuzzy as your focus shifts and narrows.” His eyes softened as they rove over her form. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love,” he quoted to her, his finger touching her hand gently with each of the three words he cited.

She had to look away from him so her heart wouldn’t break right there in front him. Her immortality wasn’t something they talked about often — they had joked about it in their youth, but as the years passed and it became more and more glaringly in their face, she would shut down when he brought it up. She had accepted her fate. She didn’t think she could take it if he refused to.

Everything in the room took on an indelible importance suddenly. The second hand of the clock in the corner snicked the seconds by and she reveled in the warmth of his hand on hers. The way the sun hit the pill bottles next to his bed and turned them a glowing copper. The loose slippers next to the door, one turned on its side to reveal a tread worn down by his supinated step. Dust in a sunbeam. The whistley sound of his breath.

“The greatest of these is love,” she whispered back. He squeezed her hand and released it, flipping the file closed.

“If I can save you, let me,” he said gently.

“I can’t do that,” she said, sticking to their script.

When he fell asleep, she took the file and laid it where he’d be able to reach it. In her pocket, she felt the crinkle of stiff paper. A pinprick hole in the top where it had been stuck to the wall, she pulled out the rumpled old photograph of the two of them, hale and hearty, a remembrance of a time before she stalled out in Death’s blind spot. She set the photo on top of the file.

He died that winter, and she buried him in the spring.

#it’s bad #but it was a demon that needed exorcising #the x-files #fanfic #my fic #angst #possibly triggering

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