#taking my mom out for dinner
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2/9/24
I rlly need to get my cracked phone screen fixed already lol
#me#mine#selfie#girls with tattoos#no filter#cracked iPhone#new england#brown eyed girl#brown eyes#Friday vibes#taking my mom out for dinner
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Julian and Wesley being at Starfleet Academy is such a concept to me. I know Julian is older by a few years so the likelihood that they actually knew each other is slim but it isnt completely unreasonable, and I think Wesley could've done some more advanced courses due to getting pre-Academy experience on the Enterprise. they could've been study buddies. two boy geniuses who have a hard time socializing with their peers gravitating towards each other because they match each other's awkward. they pull so many all nighters for their projects and exams. Wesley replicates a coffee and an energy drink and mixes them because he saw another cadet do it once and Julian is sitting there like "medically I cant endorse that. get one for me too please."
also I think it'd be really funny for Wesley to have to deal with Julian hitting on his mom. Beverly comes by to visit while the Enterprise is in orbit and Wesley has to deal with Julian practically falling over himself in his haste to start laying the moves on her
#star trek#wesley crusher#julian bashir#Beverly wouldnt go for Julian but she thinks he's adorable#Julian: you didnt tell me that your mother is a goddess#Wesley: why would that even occur to me shes my MOM#Julian: do you think she'd let me take her out to dinner?#Wesley: NO
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I couldn’t finish part two of the story yesterday (rather busy ass day unexpectedly) so I doodled a scene from it that got stuck in my head. I didn’t even draw it right Vil’s supposed to be like 2 inches from the ground all grumpy but I didn’t feel like making a bigger piece. So uh….heres that until I try to finish the story by tomorrow. :3
Here’s the link if you wanna read it on AO3
#seriously I had to travel to clinical competencies on my third DAY#luckily I could draw blood and take blood pressures in my fucking sleep at this point#then my mom said make dinner for everyone and I said bet#then I finished GloMas chapter 4#then I passed out#so hopefully tonight I can finishing writing and have it up tomorrow#twisted wonderland#vil schoenheit#leona kingscholar#leovil#villeo#my art
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heh
#vent#tw panic attack#so um#tw ed#today we had this community dinner thing in out neighbourhood#my grandpa was one of the organisers so i had to go there to eat#but as soon as i went there people kept pinpointing how much weight I'd lost#and it js . i couldnt take it and ran away#my dad got SUPER mad#mom too#but i had a really bad panic attack and i js . idk#its fine now#but i js couldnt stop shaking there and it was all really um overwhelming#i didnt want . anyone to see#they already think i have this superiority complex or something cuz i dont talk yo anyone#i dont i js dont know how to talk to peole in general plus they make me feel like shit too as is evident from the panic attack#and i ended up not eating not anything for dinner#i did have some rice in the afternoon i think so i did eat today#maybe ill make something later but im really tired
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It's past midnight and I have a very busy day tomorrow, but this has been the only me-time I've gotten today so it's hard to resist staying up and reading fics/writing orz
#Im going to the sea tomorrow#and then to a musical with my mom#and ill take her out to dinner after#its like a solid 2 hour trip to get to the place so I can rest in the car maybe#but generally Ill be busy and away XDD#aaaaa#the sea though <33#i hope the weather clears up and Ill be able to stroll around and take pictures of the calm waves and endless horizon
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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this has to be the busiest month of my life 😵💫
#so much exciting shit coming up aahhh#just spent the weekend with my mom.. then had a family get together for thanksgiving.. which was super fun!#went shopping this morning with my mom for a dress to wear to mine and my bf's anniversary dinner next week#i'm picking up my freakin engagement ring on thursday 😵💫#this weekend i have a hair appointment.. d&d.. and board game night with friends#gettin my nails done next week with my mom 💅 idek what i want yet ahhhh#then my bf and i leave for our ✨engagement trip✨ next thursday! which is also our 11 year anniversary!!!#have so many fun things booked for our trip#then once we get home my parents are taking us out to celebrate#then we're visiting my nana to share the news#then we're seeing his parents to celebrate#ahh i cannot believe we're gonna be engaged in 9 days 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫.. i'm gonna have to start referring to my bf as my fiance#which is so weird!! to me!! he's been my bf for 11 years lmao#my mom and i were discussing the wedding today.. she thinks i should be reaching out to venue's already#so today i emailed a few#bf and i have already started planning a honeymoon lmao#ah life is so crazy right now
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"Curse ya~"
ITS MY BIRTHDAY GUYS !!!! WAOAOOWW !!
went out with some friends ~ about to go out tomorrow as well, pretty exciting !!
I drew sasara because we share the same birth month ! ,,,barely. We're both on the curb of barely even hitting/exiting october. Im on the 1st ! Hes on the 31st ! Pretty fun !! this was fun to draw, not quite a sketch but not quite a finished piece. A thing. If you will
Heres a clear picture of it !!
#His head looks a little big but i think its the angle i took a picture at but idgaf anymore guys#I had to go to my brothers room and use his leds for that first pick surprise surprise the light was set to GREEN and csme out yellow#Looks cool though#Having a good dinner for today ~ might post it later if it looks good enough#Pork chashu#Incase i dont post it know its pork chashu#Very excited#My friend was laughing at the fact i made birthday art for myself#It was fun !! Dont diss !!!#I didnt take the boba picture btw#My camera quality isnt that good..#So much to do this week... So many assignments and so many hang outs#If i dont make it by the end of this week host a funeral and bury me with a samatoki body pillow#JOKE but also my mom has a history of buying me body pillows for my birthday.... i never ask for them#And she does it anyway#Its really funny actually but im so scared what if she does it again this year#Wish me luck soldiers#Might draw nrc staff later i lovr them#BYYEE !!!#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypnosis microphone#sasara nurude#Noctiart#Noctifan#These tags are crazy so#Luca talks#OK BYE
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#sorry for not getting to my asks ive been teaching 9-4 all week and doing stuff after .. i.e. class my moms bday and roommate touring#which is working out hORRIBLY#so far everyone has either cancelled or. ghosted me#other than a guy who loves the place but determinedly said he can't pay utilities#and we need someone by the 1st#and my landlord is hounding me so badly#and i have to drive two hours tonight#right after 4#to get to my mom's bday dinner with family#i am#it's just been a marathon#and im so upset abt the roommate thing#esp since ive been blamed for not doing enough by my currently. disabled roommate#who has to take care of herself ofc#but doesnt do any chores and didnt help at all and I SAT IN THE ER WITH HER FOR HOURS#its just. i am so tired. and can't afford rent without someone. and will have to beg on my knees to my landlord to give us more time to fin#someone.#and it will work. but. at what cost#i seriously wish i moved#geez sorry to rant im fine and will be fine.#its just a lot#the two hours of driving tonight is really bothering me#caitie blabs
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i had breakfast today and i’m worried ill gain weight but i don’t wanna purge… i already got in a lot of steps so im hoping that’ll cancel out
#usually i eat lunch and dinner but not breakfast#and my parents wanna take me out to eat tmr!!!#ughhhh#and if i want my gf to eat i have to eat dinner#i’m hoping school will let me skip more meals cause#i can probably skip lunch and just tell my mom i ate at school#and then tell my friends i ate at home#a4a diary#a4a motivation#a4a tips#ana y mia#tw a4a#⭐️rving#⭐️ve#3d not sheeran#💡as a 🪶#💡 as a feather#light as a feather
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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thinkin about edd today
#apparently im one of those fans that loves to torture edd#but it aint my fault his parents dont love him#i imagine eddy's mom knows hes alone a lot and invites him to join them for thanksgiving but he's like#“i have no idea what youre talking about mrs. mcgee my parents who definitely love me are home right now yes indeedy”#then he goes home to heat up his little free range turkey and whole wheat stuffing and eats alone at a big empty table#if he's feeling dangerous he might eat on the couch and watch PBS#after dinner he calls eddy who regales him with stories about fucked up relatives#and he almost considers himself lucky for not having a close-knit family#i kinda picture edd moving to pc from out of state so his extended family doesn't live close#of course his parents might get the occasional holiday off so im sure he's not alone every year but#idk i've embarrassed myself before by sharing my thoughts about edd's parents and i'm sure it won't be the last#i'd like to write a long overly dramatic fic about a day in his life that takes place in the timeline of the show#but im knee deep in angst as it is#text
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I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.
So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.
#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate#cause i only got prescribed adderall this year#dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test#i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you#like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY#that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat#i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120#like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner#and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing#average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too#babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down#i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing#although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing#i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem#when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like#he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate#and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse#i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing#and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles#and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest#dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom#he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again#he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold#so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15#but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself#brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man#look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive#so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho#doodles#the binding of isaac
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OMG YOU SHOULD START WATCHING THE BEAR!!! It’s amazing!! And also very depressing and it gave me war flashbacks of my family… but it’s great!!
i just think line cooks are smokin hot
#guys my bf cooked for me yesterday and he let me taste everything to make sure it was good :'))#he did the the the the thing with the spatula where he scooped a little out and let me eat off of it :')))#he made me an entire steak dinner btw. like. steak and potatoes and greens.#HE bought the food and he brought it over to MY HOUSE and he cooked it in MY KITCHEN#and then he tried to do MY DISHES#i sent him to take a nap in my bed bc he was getting eepy and i did the dishes though >:)#he brought my mom and i flowers too (my bouquet was bigger >:)) )#pasta man
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It's quite annoying with my mom doesn't understand that sometimes, my only two days off I wanna be a goddamn hermit. My work means I am generally interacting and dealing with people all day for five days straight and it's DRAINING. I do try to be social from time to time but some weeks if I can avoid further interactions with other people, I will. I like being ALONE. The solitude helps my mental state of mind because with only 48 fucking hours I'm back at work, once again surrounded by people.
#the past TWO weeks I've been social- last weekend went shopping then out for dinner with a friend#the week before that my mom had my aunt uncle and my cousin plus her spouse and kids for for supper and dessert#so yeah this weekend I don't want to BE AROUND PEOPLE. I don't care if it's only for a -few hours- the weekend is TOO SHORT#my mom like my sister are super social while I take after my dad in being more of a loner but unlike him I do have friends lol
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My super nice water bottle broke beyond repair and I can't replace it because my mom doesn't have her company discount anymore and this cup costs $60😭
#the cup was actually free because the owner of the company paid for it#we got it with the $1000 gift card he gave us at a dinner#so even with the discount i wouldn't gave been able to replace it bc it's still at least $25 (I think it was a 50% discount? maybe 20% idr)#yes my family was close with a billionaire and we're still poor and they still fired my mom#he could have given us a million dollars at any point and he'd be fine#nice that he paid for us to have dinner and gave us gift cards to his own store instead of helping us not be in poverty#MY MOM HELPED HIM BUILD THIS COMPANY SINCE HE STARTED IT#it was all for show. take us out to dinner to make yourself look good but do absolutely NOTHING when my mom gets fired over HER HEALTH#SHE IS NEARLY SIXTY FIVE YEARS OLD!!! SHE ONLY HAD A FEW YEARS LEFT BEFORE SHE RETIRED!#johnny count your fucking days#.bdo
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