#taking 2 months is still better taking a year
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My train ride thoughts:
You know all those memory loss fics where they have an accident and forget the past five years they've been married and still think they're rivals? Can we move it slightly to the left and reverse a bit?
Jake and Bradley dated from 2006 to 2010. Bradley did the breaking up - in a brilliant act of self-sabotage, not because he didn't love him, but because he loved him enough to think Jake deserved someone better than Bradley.
Fast forward to 2017 and the mission training - Jake is the one to have an accident, not Javy, and has to eject. He has a head injury (among other things) and is medavac'ed.
He won't fly the mission, but he's mostly okay. However, the first thing Jake asks Javy when they finally let him see him is, "Where is Bradley? Why is he not here? Did something happen to him?" which opens a whole other can of worms.
Turns out, Jake thinks it's the summer of 2010, about three months before he and Bradley had broken up. He didn't say anything in front of the medical staff because his mind still thinks DADT is in place and he doesn't want any of them in trouble. So Javy has to break it to him that 1) it's 2017, which Jake's reply to that is just, Yeah, you looked kinda old (rude!) and 2) well, DADT no longer exists and no one can officially penalize him for being gay.
Which is enough to make Jake cry. And Javy doesn't continue with the whole 'So, Bradley broke up with you 7 years ago' because Jake starts mumbling different things like, We can get married. Oh god, are we married already? Where's my ring? Did I lose it in the accident? Where's Bradley, why did they not call my Next of Kin?
Because, you know, even in 2010 he thought he and Bradley are forever, surely they must still be together and probably married. Which, Javy shouldn't be surprised because he knows Jake had a whole wedding planner, children's names list, house decor theme, and god knows what prepared for them.
And Javy is not going to break his heart, AGAIN, so he chickens out and instead calls a nurse to tell her all about Jake's amnesia. They take Jake away for more tests and exams and just as he is rolled away, he shouts at Javy to 'Tell Bradley I'm okay when he comes in, he worries so bad when hospitals are involved'.
So Javy calls Bradley. Just calls him and tells him to come to the hospital and tell amnesiac Jake they've broken up because he's not explaining it to Jake himself. In truth, Javy doesn't even know why Bradley broke up with Jake but he didn't give him a reason beyond 'we just don't match' and Javy had been also pretty sure Bradley was as much of a goner as Jake and he hates Bradley for making him be so wrong.
Javy avoids the topic as much as he can, but he's not actually expecting Bradley to show up - why would he care now, right? - but just as Jake starts drilling the question, Bradley steps into the room..
Not only does he step in, he lets Jake hug him straight away
Bradley's also brought a bag of clothes and they must be his own because where the heck would he find Jake's and, oh, look at that, that's Texas Cowboys pajamas and Jake asks, "I still have this thing? God, it's so worn out," and Javy chokes on his own tongue. Sure enough, there's a mix of t-shirts that must belong to both Jake and Bradley and a new pair of sweats and those socks must be Bradshaw's because there's no way Jake would wear plane-themed socks.
"Do you have my wedding ring? Or did I lose it forever somewhere in the field?" Jake asks and Bradshaw looks spooked before the bastard recovers and covets under Jake's sad eyes and say, "No, you didn't, our rings are still in the locker room on the base."
And Javy just--stares at him.
"I promise I'll bring them tomorrow."
Javy stares harder.
Why did you not tell him? is what Javy spits out as soon as they leave the room and Bradley's reply is just Why didn't you, huh? and they just stand there pointing at each other like in the Spiderman meme.
Well, Bradshaw will have to explain himself because he sure as hell isn't going to magically produce wedding rings tomorrow morning.
And Javy is proven fucking wrong again because Bradshaw brings TWO wedding rings, with their NAMES engraved and a little thin band with Jake's birthstone that matches the wedding band perfectly.
Javy is speechless but Jake just shines with, oh, they're so pretty, put it back on me, I knew I have good taste.
And Bradshaw is all innocent when he says, "Actually, I chose them. They're made from my parents' melted wedding rings."
And Javy can't tell if he made that up on the spot or not. [He did not.]
And so the lies fucking go on. Jake is discharged, but not for flying, and to keep up the little charade, Javy packs all his things and brings them to Bradshaw's place - where Jake will be staying until they come back from the mission.
And of course, Bradshaw and his--whatever his issues with Maverick are make it onto the Dagger Team. Javy can only imagine the tearful goodbye 2010 Jake would give his married man, sweet husband Bradley.
"You've gotta fucking come back because if you don't, he's going to fucking find out he's not your husband when the will comes out."
And Bradshaw, just like that, replies, "He's the only person in my will anyway."
(Dunno how this would end tho, this is where I had to change trains and I forgot after...)
#hollywood amnesia is my guilty pleasure trope#hangster#jake hangman seresin#bradley rooster bradshaw#tgm#javy coyote machado
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Lucky Lucky ꕤ Cho Hyun-ju x Reader [1/?]
Read on AO3 Masterlist Summary: After your previous manager runs away to America with the funds meant to kickstart your debut, your band 4tune is left to pick up the pieces in an impending scandal. The new manager, Cho Hyun-ju, says she’ll do everything to ensure your debut is successful, but it’s a long road until she gains your trust, especially when her own secrets come to light. Or, the kpop/krock/band AU no one asked for.
Warnings: Slowwwww burn. Kind of an inherent power imbalance but reader isn't taking bs from anyone, and reader is 20+. Reader is AFAB and uses she/her. She's implied to be Korean/from South Korea but no physical description is used.
A/N: So I've had the horrible idea of a kpop au for Squid Game since the first season came out. Originally I'd thought of a Sangwoo x Reader fic but it felt in bad taste at the time. Season 2 came out and I can't stop thinking about Hyun-ju so uh. You're getting this.
Five years. You’ve been in trainee hell for five years, learning the ins and outs of PR, songwriting, language, appearances, how to fucking smile at a camera when all you wanted to do was sing and play guitar and look out at a crowd with more people than you can count on your hands. All for your dreams to be stolen away, packed up in bags and expedite-shipped to the United States.
If you could go back in time to tell your past self to save herself the trouble and give up music altogether, you’d consider it. Or at least tell her to flip off the agency scout the second he approaches. Sure, you’d still be busking on the street, but you’d be spared this bullshit and continue life with hope still. You don’t want to be an idol. You want to be– you are a musician, and the evidence was going to be your debut.
Your band, 4tune, is slated to record your debut in a month, and begin promotions just a couple months from now, but thanks to your no-good-money-stealing-piece-of-shit ex-manager, the money set aside for appearances and advertising is no longer in the company’s bank account. With grim faces, you, your bandmates, and a few members of the company higher ups gather around a table in an emergency meeting.
“It’s ridiculous,” Se-mi crosses her arms across her chest, huffing her bangs out of her eyes. “What a coward.” She stands, crossing to a floor-length window and staring at the skyline of Mapo-gu, disbelief written on her face.
Your mouth forms a thin line. “Who just… takes the money and runs? How was he allowed to take all of it anyway?”
“That’s all we know,” the CEO, Hwang In-ho, murmurs. He laces his fingers together and scans the rest of the band’s faces as you take in the not-quite-death-sentence he delivered your group. “We’ve got the police in South Korea and the United States investigating, but they haven’t found him yet.”
“So what does this mean for 4tune? I mean, are we… still going to debut?” Young-mi asks.
“We don’t have a manager, we don’t have money, we don’t have a debut.” Jun-hee puts a hand on her forehead, closing her eyes in exasperation.
“Actually,” In-ho raises a finger. “We do have a new manager for you. She couldn’t make this meeting, but she’s coming up from Busan after lunch. You’ll meet her tonight or tomorrow.” He leans forward in his seat, and rests both arms on the table in front of him. “Rest assured, you will debut.”
You can’t help but feel your lips curl into a sneer. A new manager? Who’s to say this one won’t make off with whatever scraps of money are left? You hear Se-mi scoff from the window, her thoughts echoing your own. Jun-hee looks hesitant, but Young-mi looks up at In-ho with hope.
“What’s her name? What’s she like?”
“Cho Hyun-ju. She’s an old acquaintance.” Looking over the group’s faces, In-ho stands, and begins to make his way to the meeting room door. “I’ve known her for a long time. She’s a good person.” Hardly glowing praise, but you suppose anyone would be better than the ex-manager. The other company members follow In-ho out of the room, meeting adjourned, leaving just your group members with their thoughts.
Your gaze lingers on the frosted glass door they left from. “Great. A manager, but no money. She can drive us around and shit, but we have nowhere to go. What’s the point?” Your words are bitter, spat in sorrowful resignation.
Young-mi, ever the optimist, takes your hand in her’s. “Let’s give her a chance. In-ho sajangnim vouched for her, I say we see how she clicks with us before giving up on her.” She smiles meekly at the other members. None of you share her optimism, but with a shared side eye, the rest of you begrudgingly hear Young-mi out and agree.
“Fine,” you offer. “But if she does anything remotely shady I’m clawing my way out of this contract.” ꕤ
Despite the sudden wrench in 4tune’s future plans, you all have a schedule to uphold, so you go through the motions as if nothing was wrong. After a short break for lunch, language classes, pose training, you finally make it to the only part of training that doesn’t feel like a chore: rehearsal as a whole band.
The rehearsal space is intimate; a small room with warm wood-panel flooring and a three-person couch in the corner. Se-mi’s drum kit is already set up on the drum rug, as is Young-mi’s keyboard and three amps, one for Young-mi’s bass, one for Jun-hee’s guitar, and one for yours, as well as a vocal mic on a long arm. Stepping into the space brings an energy you thought would be lost following this morning’s bad news, and you place your guitar’s hard case down with a determined vigor.
You unlatch the case, and pull out your guitar, a Fender Lite Ash Telecaster. The strap rests perfectly on your shoulder, the neck fitting perfectly in your left hand, a guitar pick in your right. The quarter-inch cable plugs into your guitar with a satisfying click and the amp hums to life when you switch it on. You set upon tuning your guitar, but it doesn’t take much adjustment for any member of the band, and soon your group is playing the first notes of what will be your title track for your debut.
It’s an upbeat song, and the lyrics are inherently hopeful and optimistic. You feel the stress pouring out of you as you hear how well the band plays together. From the wailing of Jun-hee’s guitar, to the machine-like precision of Se-mi’s drumming, to the effortless jumping from keys to bass by Young-mi, pride fills your heart knowing that you’re collaborating, and creating something beautiful in spite of everything going wrong.
You play rhythm guitar and sing. Closing your eyes, you pour your heart and soul into the high-energy chorus, the softer verses, and everything in between. As the outro plays out and you all play your final notes, a soft applause that crescendos into a quick flurry of claps breaks through your reverie.
You hadn’t noticed when she came in, but at the door stands an unfamiliar woman. She’s tall, and seems a bit younger than In-ho. Her hair is cut at her shoulders with blunt bangs reaching her eyebrows. She’s dressed well, and she’s not standing timidly per-se, but there’s an awkwardness to how she holds herself, like she’s unsure if she’s allowed in this space.
“I’m sorry,” she smiles at the band. “I was told you were in this practice room and I heard you playing. You all sound amazing.”
Young-mi smiles back. “You must be the new manager! It’s nice to meet you! I’m-”
“Young-mi, right?” Young-mi nods. The woman turns to the drumset, “You’re Se-mi,” to the lead guitarist, “and Jun-hee,” and then she turns to you, and says your name so tenderly, so kindly, every fiber of your being is shouting at you to give her a chance. “And yes, I’m Cho Hyun-ju, your new manager.” ꕤ
Rehearsal stagnates after Hyun-ju’s arrival as the band seems more interested in the new arrival than playing, but you keep your guitar plugged in and guitar strap on. Young-mi puts down her bass and steps away from her keyboard to approach Hyun-ju immediately, Jun-hee following soon after. You pluck out a few notes here and there, trying to at least try to get through your part of the next song, but after Se-mi stands up from her drumset, you give up trying to continue rehearsal.
Hyun-ju seated herself on the couch in the corner. Jun-hee and Se-mi stand in front of her, and Young-mi sits beside her. “I’m excited to work with you all,” Hyun-ju half-bows in her seat. “You sounded amazing playing just now, your debut will be a hit, I can just feel it.”
“We’re happy to have you here too. I’m sure you’ve heard but our last manager flaked out on us.” Se-mi explains. Hyun-ju hums a condolence, eyes casting down to the ground. “We’re almost ready to record our album, so I’m sure you’ll have a lot to do coming up.”
You clear your throat, walking over to the group. “What experience do you have managing?” You don’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it does. It’s supposed to be a light conversation about her work history, not an interrogation into her credentials. Hyun-ju’s face falters at the stern tone, and you kick yourself internally.
“Managing specifically, I've done most of the tasks individually before. That is, things like schedule management and driving and the like. I do have experience in the music and idol industry outside of management.”
You try to school your expression, you really do, and you pull your lips into a not-quite-smile that ends up looking more like a grimace. “Well then,” you push out, “I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
#hyun ju x reader#squid game x reader#squid game#cho hyunju#cho hyun ju x reader#player 120#player 120 x reader#squid game season 2
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inspired by that ask: i guess this begs the question of what jannik is to carlos, what he sees/saw in that man that nobody else did etc like. does carlos ever resent him / their rivalry / janniks sometimes lack of reciprocity? is it complicated for carlos too? what is it about that carrot that is so compelling to someone like carlos
boy have i had a lot of thoughts about this one. presumably during that one magical night match in alicante there was tennis chemistry. as a tennis savant himself carlos can sense the It Quality in someone else. but the response, as a promising young player, to identifying talent in another player is not by definition that you talk them up constantly for the next several years. it is not by definition to call them your one and only rival. so carlos doing so could be because of something very special about jannik himself. (for rpf purposes: love at first sight, soulbond, overwhelming thirst, you name it.) or it could be because of a more general hunger.
namely, the hunger for someone else who gets it. a hunger which would only intensify the better you get. if you are a prodigy, no one else is going to understand your exact experience but another prodigy. (this is 1. the kiss of death for runeraz 2. juanki & carlitos bedrock. in whatever way you wish to take that.)
hopefully it's obvious that this does not mean that's the only path to a meaningful relationship—you can take this idea, or this assumption, and go a million places with it. (what if the two of you shared the same experiences but have diametrically opposite takeaways, what happens when you stop being a prodigy and they don't, what does it mean that someone who doesn't get the experience still gets you.) but it is undeniably a very very specific experience. and it's pretty normal when you're early in the process to think, my friends and loved ones don't get it, and i really really really want someone to get it.
meanwhile, jannik has expressed, more than once, doubt about the worth of the relationships he's formed after becoming successful—he's said that he knows his old friendships are the real thing because they have nothing to do with tennis. he's said that thanks to clostebolgate he knows who his real friends are. he's experienced a rapid version of the prodigy hype/backlash cycle: this kid is a surprise talent??/this kid doesn't have it after all/grand slam vindication/doping backlash. he does not trust this environment, or most of the people in it.
i see it as: carlos has never experienced real serious negatives as a result of his talent and passion for tennis. (broad generalization but: stayed close to family, supportive and stable coaching environment, financial stability, quick and overwhelming success, no serious injuries or psychological breakdowns or reputational scandals. so far!) tennis is inarguably a good thing, and he wants more of a good thing. whereas jannik's experiences with tennis have been much more emotionally ambiguous—significant personal sacrifice leaving his family at a young age and struggling to secure finances, the choice between a close personal relationship and the professional success that would validate those sacrifices, clostebolgate.
so one take on this is that carlos feels that tennis is more real than real life, and therefore his non-tennis loved ones are missing out on something essential, and jannik feels that tennis is less real than real life, and therefore his non-tennis loved ones are the only ones whose love he can trust. (interestingly it's probably darren and simone who are doing the most damage to this emotional barrier over the past six months. but in rpfdom carlos would sure as hell be trying haha.)
i think what i'm saying is that i really want to read the jannik/tennis slowburn, where tennis is carlos????
drifted pretty far from your ask here so to end on a lighter note. it has to be the tennis, because if you put aside the tennis, WITH LOVE AND LIGHT TO JANNIK, you're left with lanky floppy carrotman vs teen thirst trap machine. (i love lanky floppy carrotman. im just saying.) this is something that only further sells me on the ship, the fact that i honestly do NOT really see it but carlos apparently does. there is a thing my friend and i refer to as "seeing CarlitosVision", which is when a certain photoshoot/styling choice/video angle/trick of the light captures jannik in such a way that he looks, like, objectively hot. the difference is that jannik looks like this to carlos all the time.
(yes jannikblrs i know that he also looks like this to you guys all the time. that is exactly the point.)
#further thoughts include: what was actually there and what did carlos want to be there so badly that it came true#did he actually sense the It Quality or was he just desperate for someone to have it and got lucky#was it jannik following him to the locker room that did the trick#and/or: magical realism au where the world shapes itself to the whims of carlitos the universal protagonist#he wanted a special rival so he got one#flap's ask essay from yesterday is yet another valuable take#there are maybe more possible bad ends here than good ones. but i am a sucker and i choose to believe.#ask#sincaraz
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If Shadow didn't have the element of surprise, do you think Knuckles would have a better chance of putting up a fight against him?
That is a good question.
The reason Shadow won against Knux so easily is because Knuckles didn't know what Shadow was capable of. Shadow can teleport, which is his primary method of fighting, to ambush his enemies and get the drop on them quickly and efficiently. Knuckles didn't know this, and had no way of countering it, so he was at a severe disadvantage during his battle with Shadow.
Now, given time, would Knuckles have found a way to counter that?
Theoretically, I think he could have. Knuckles is (or was) the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy. He's not simply "the guy who punches", as brute strength wouldn't be enough to keep that title over the years. An effective warrior studies his opponent's fighting style, and adjusts his own to match it.
So, given time, Knuckles could, theoretically, learn Shadow's fighting pattern, and work to counter it. I'm not gonna go into Knuckles' sensitivity to chaos energy, because SCU Knux doesn't seem to really have that, so let's just focus on his observational skills.
After facing Shadow a few times, Knuckles would learn that the hog tends to use the element of surprise to his advantage. He'll disappear and reappear closer to you, usually to whichever side he deems your blind spot, or behind you, so once Shadow blinks away, Knuckles only need to spin himself around into a more defensive positioning. Odds are he would catch Shadow unawares at least a few times doing that, and deliver a powerful blow to stun him long enough to go on the offensive.
Now, if Shadow didn't use his teleportation ability to fight Knuckles, I think Knuckles would be able to take him down. Shadow is strong, yes, but I think Knuckles is stronger. They'd have a good match, and may seem evenly met for a while, but I believe Knux has the upper hand when it comes to strength.
Now, all that said, the Knuckles who faced Shadow in Tokyo was one who'd been in domestic life for an unknown amount of time. Months, at least. He hadn't been on the run, day in and day out, senses heightened and focused on surviving.
To be blunt, he'd gone soft. At least a little. The novelization has Knux stating that he "might be a little rusty" after Shadow kicked his butt. So it would seem that the Knuckles of Sonic 3 had softened to the point where he himself feels he wasn't at the top of his game. The Knuckles of Sonic 2 would have been horrified to think of that happening.
So, the question then becomes, would Shadow have won against the Knuckles of Sonic 2? When he was still hyperfocused on surviving and doing anything necessary to find the Master Emerald?
I think Knuckles would have still found himself at a disadvantage regarding Shadow's teleporting abilities. But that drive was still there, that focus, that anger. You'd have two very angry, very focused boys who were looking to avenge their fallen loved one. And I think that would have been one helluva fight.
~~~
Check out my other Sonic 3 analysis posts
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Communication is Key (Sydney LohmannxGwinnReader!)
(Part 2 of Knocked Out)
Warnings: mentions of epilepsy, mental health struggles, relationship arguements
It has been 2 months since you had to give up your soccer career. It sucked and you still weren't over it. But now there was no secret in the way of you moving in with Sydney. Honestly there was no way that she would let you live on your own and neither was your sister Giulia. The two and your friends have learned how to deal with your epilepsy and what to do in case of an emergency. And now you were an Assistent Coach for the team. It wasn't the same as playing and being so close to the field still stung a bit but it was better then anything else you could have imagined for yourself. You also apologized for your behavior because snapping at the people that love and care about you isn't it. Probably wasn't gonna be the last time though. Cause you are only human.
Sydney walked to her car with you. Holding hands. You always were a Passanger princess so the fact that you weren't allowed to drive with your health issues wasn't bothering you at all. "Did you take your meds, babe?" She asked you. "Yes my love. Don't worry about me. Things are fine!" You told her but of course she was gonna worry. It was her duty as your girlfriend. And in all honesty you always were worried about her as well when she wasn't feeling so great. Even when it was just a cold. That what love is all about, caring about the other Person. "I am gonna worry no matter what! Cause you are the love of my life! You are stuck with me!" Sydney answered with a smile. "Is this a threat?" You asked jokingly and pulled her close. "Just kidding, you are the love of my life too. I sincerly believe what we have is for forever!" You told her, kissing her softly. She kissed you back before opening the car door for you. You thank her and sat down in the passenger seat. She closed it and walked around the car to get into the drivers seat. "For the record i sincerly believe what we have is for forever as well!" Sydney replied and started the car. You put on some music, connecting your Phone to the Bluetooth of the car. The two of you drove in comfortable silence, Sydneys hand resting on your knee for the most part of the 15 minute car ride.
You walked inside together once Sydney parked her car. You two kissed eachother before going your seperate ways. She got changed while you went to meet up with Alex to have a little chat about today's practice. "Hey y/n!" He said. "Hey Alex! So last practice before the game against Wolfsburg. Which we need to win! It's important that we work on standards cause those will be really important. Given that is how we can Score since out of the usual Play it will be hard to get even slightly close to the goal or even make it into their half of the field." You said and he chuckled softly. He appreciated how focused you were and how important this all was to you. Even though you had to give up playing.
At the same time with most of the team getting changed...
Giulia was talking to Sydney about you. Being the concerned big sister she always was. "Syd is she actually okay? I feel like she is not actually dealing with the situation. It has me worried. The fact that she said 'no' to therapy after her dreams were crushed. And the fact that she tried to hide it from us before...i don't think she is dealing with it like she should!" Your sister told your girlfriend. "I do think the same sometimes. But she always keeps promising that things are fine!" Sydney stated. "Maybe we should try and talk to her together!" Giulia suggested. Lea who was sitting next to them, putting her hair into a ponytail. "Guys she might think that it's an intervention if you try to sit her down to talk about that! I mean it is ... but still...she might be even more closed off if you go on about it like that. It needs to be in a more causal way!" Lea told them. "Yes, listen to Lea! I am not a child and i decide when i need therapy...no one else!" You said from the doorway of the changing room. all eyes were on you now. "Babe..." Sydney tried to talk to you but you were quite upset so you stopped her, holding your hand up. "I don't want to hear it, Sydney! You two just could have talked to me when we would hang out with one another and make it sound like you are just checking in and not discussing my business at work. In front of our friends! I am so upset and angry with both of you! Sydney and Giulia!" They knew they messed up because you never used their legal names. It was always: Syd, Babe, Baby, SydBear or something cute like that. For Giulia it was always : Giuli, G, Sis, Things like that. Neither of them had the chance of saying anything else. Because you left. Walking towards your office on Bayern Campus.
Your head was pounding and you didn't feel great at all after that argument or confrontation whatever you wanted to call it. Tears in your eyes. You couldn't even see where you were going at this point, which is why you almost ran into Lena who just got back from physiotherapy. She quickly stopped you. "Y/n? What's wrong?" She asked. "Lena?... Nothing, well...i had an argument with Syd & my sister! They talked about my mental health in front of the entire team. I hate that they talk behind my back about me that way!" You explained to her. She opened her arms to offer you a hug which you gladly took. Stepping into her arms. "They just worry about you! We all do! You mean so much to us! Especially to Syd & Giuli! Your sister loves you so much and would do whatever for you and Syd is so madly in love with you that she still blushes when someone mentions your name." Lena told you. "I know Obi i know. Maybe i was a bit unfair but since they knew about my diagnosis they watch me like Hawks. And sometines when Syd does it then it feels like she is my Care Giver and not my girlfriend! I Love both of them too! With all of my Heart and Sydney for sure is the love of my life!" You told your friend. "Maybe talk to them about how you feel?" Obi suggested as the two of you let go of eachother. "Good Idea! Thank you, Obi! Means alot to me!" Lena smiled at you. "That's what friends are for!" She answered. The two of you said your 'see you later' and that you would soon meet on the field. You just had to grab something from your office.
You sat down in your office chair, opening your Laptop to print Out some statistics. A knock on the door interrupted you though. "Yes? Please come in!" You said and looked up from your laptop. Both Giulia and Sydney walked in, looking like kicked puppies. "Can we Talk?" Your sister asked which you agreed to with a nod of your head. "Please sit." You told them. Giulia sat down on one of the chairs that stood in front of your desk Sydney sat down in your lap. "I am sorry, Angel face!" Your girlfriend whispered out, kissing your cheeks gently. "That's mean, Syd! I am trying to be mad at you!" You replied but couldn't help yourself, you just have to smile. "I am sorry as well, sis!" Giulia told you. "Fine i forgive the two of you! But please next time you are worried just talk to me! It has been two weeks since my last seizure and it was a minor one! Just an absence seizure. I get that you worry! I worry about the two of you as well when you get hurt or are not feeling well. But maybe we start to communicate better? Cause i really want things to be normal between us! And not like i am a helpless toddler. You worry more than Mom & Dad!" You explained, altough your parents do worry alot and you know they often would asked Giulia about how you are doing. Sometimes they would also call Syd to get an update on you cause you often would just say you are fine so they wouldn't worry. It was a circle of emotions really. "We are sorry! We both gonna try to be more chill, right Giuli?" Sydney promised you. "Yes right!" She agreed, nodding her head softly. "Good! And i promise i will also talk to my therapist about everything that happened in the last couple of months." You just wanted to let them know that you were dealing with it in a healthy way!
Around a month later Sydney proposed to you after they won the Champions League finale. Which of course you said yes to.
The following summer you got married, your teammates, families & some friends were there to celebrate with the two of you.
You officially were y/n Lohmann now and you couldn't be happier about it.
(There will be a part three and maybe a Part four)
#womens soccer#woso#woso x reader#sydney lohmann#giulia gwinn#klara bühl#lena oberdorf#lea schüller#fc bayern munich women#sydney lohmann x reader#womens football
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I'm sure they'll uphold that last promise.
#the owl house#philip wittebane#kid belos#toh#wittebros#wittebane brothers#belos#caleb wittebane#taking 2 months is still better taking a year#if you hate free time study engineering
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universal healthcare is not broken and anyone trying to convince you it is is delusional and a dckrider for big health insurance. yes there are wait times but waiting for care is Not the same as being denied care.
in america your physician prescribes care and an insurer can still cuck you out of it because someone across the continent who has never met you can say: doesn’t seem medically necessary. Leaving you to handle a bill that is wildly inflated by the same insurers that just denied you.
let me drill it through your head you can pay thousands a year in premiums and still end up sick and financially burdened for years by One incident. no insurance company is Avoiding going broke by denying claims. theyre doing it to profit off your misfortune and your illness. Because healthcare fundamentally does not cost the amount that they claim it to be.
#delete later#out of pocket rant#i hate these god awful takes on universal health care#and i hate this oh he killed a father#how many fathers do you think uhc let die be real with me#oh 8 billion is only 6% profit margin#bitch it could be 2 percent it could be a negative loss#this is me saying oh i resold a shoe for $60 after buying it for $50 when i also made it for 80 cents#i have been denied things like chest xrays and lung exams#i btw have had a chronic cough for 4+ years#in canada i got this done on the same fking day and results back within a month#there are indeed horror stories and on both sides of know ppl who died due to delayed diagnosis#and ppl who died bc they didnt even want the diagnosis it would have cost them too much#but robbing someone of the choice in my opinion is the worse of the two#putting someone in an impossible position like that is evil#this country love god so much better start praying u stay healthy bc thats the most important thing#also like those horror stories of wait times in the er#im gonna be real if u have severe stomach pain are actively bleeding heart attack or stroke#you will be seen asap#yes if unfortunately everyone around u that day decided to have a stroke or heart attack ur appendicitis will be punted down the line#this is a resource issue NOT a cost issue#this is a they also cut funding to nursing school and limited the number of ppl who can pursue medical degrees issue#not a we dont have privatized health care issue#bc ultimately u need a doctor to see u#not someones sister who is taking stabs at it#and every doctor is bound by the concept of time???#u still have to wait in america ur Charged for it also#and yall it doesn’t even have to be a Big incident#ur local urgent care might just be closed after 8pm and at 9pm u need stitches#or have severe stomach pains and just want it checked
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Fanfics in which Marcy and Sasha idealize Anne as this angelic being filled with kindness and light are so sweet but also so funny. It's always abt how they feel like they don't deserve her because of all the harm they caused her but also. Lmao you can tell they weren't around Wartwood in S1. Anne was such a little piece of shit back then.
#amphibia#my posts#sashannarcy#s1 Anne still ends up coming across as leagues better than sasha and marcy because her bad deeds were more of a#they were very casual and small potatoes. Anne's shitty behavior was more of a matter of quantity than quality#pressuring sprig to confess to ivy as a main attraction at her frog of the year party#shaming polly for not being girly enough#pretending to be sick to avoid work causing the plantars to get sick themselves#this is opposed to marcy committing only three big crimes. but those were BIG#1) kidnapping her friends 2) doubling down on it by striking a deal with Andrias. lying to them and manipulating them for months#and 3) never taking a side in sasha and anne's argument. which i think is a BIG thing and i wish we mentioned it more because#she's not brave enough to take anne's side she's not brave enough to question sasha and her struggle to maintain the status quo#is hurting everyone#and sasha... do i even have to elaborate 😭
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just ����#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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i know my body is doing its best but christ alive.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#i need a chronic illness tag#i've been doing frankly a lot better in the past week+ bc we got an upstairs window ac#and we've been keeping the house air conditioned bc even tho it gets cool overnight it is incredibly humid all the time (70-90%)#and the ac units take the humidity out from indoors as well as keeping things a consistent cool temp for me#but today i painted so i aired out the house all day. and. it was a mistake.#i feel fucking miserable. i could not get comfortable At All All Day.#also like. i haven't talked about this but i've gained quite a bit of weight in the last 2 years & especially the last 6 months#(being completely sedentary d/t chronic fatigue will do that to ya)#and so a lot of my clothes fit weird and feel bad and i haven't replaced them yet bc i still don't rly know how to shop#for clothing for trans women. especially bc a lot of those clothes are thrift store finds that Happen(ed) to feel good on me#and today i happened to be wearing underwear that i didn't realize were among the no-longer-comfy and the waistband would not stop rolling#and then it'd get pinched between my stomach & my lower abdomen and chafe horribly especially w/ how sweaty & sticky i was#it was just awful. it was just awful. i finally turned the ac back on even tho it's only 70° outside#bc i couldn't stand being in the (currently) 80% humidity anymore#and grayson helped me take a sponge bath after i broke down crying#and now i feel a little better but i'm just. tired. i'm tired & all of this is getting worse & my doctor doesn't seem to give a shit#heat intolerance
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Ok, back to girlblogging eheh (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧
#wren text tag#like I said I got busy with my finals and I still have to take 2 exams in a week or so#and I know I could have been online in the time being#sadly I got ill and had to take antibiotics for the third time since the beginning of this year 😂 didn't feel like being silly#or drawing stuff in general sorry 🙏 mostly I tried to get better#there's no way I will have to postpone those finals#very funny how this month I wasn't online all the things happend#final chapter of StS: ND is out and oh boy#they announced a new Lady Oscar anime and * Oh Boy *#also a new Magic Knight Rayearth might drop in some time (oh boy but we will see)#oh yes I think Lore Olympus should finish soon bc I remember reading the announcement some time ago#and Roll20 got hacked again I'm 😐😐😐 can you please stop getting hacked I don't want my email full of spam again 😊💖#btw I haven't read the latest chapter of ND yet. I think I will wait until it gets published in italian (hopefully 🙏🙏🙏)#tho that doesn't mean that the second I logged in I saw 300 posts abt it 🤨 lol I cannot escape spoilers I guess#but IDK guys... I've seen some reviews and I had a “is this a jojo reference” kind of moment that I cannot explain#well I have the vague feeling of knowing how to explain it but also I will wait until I've actually * read * it#yeah now I will go to check my inbox byeeee 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#I never get tagged in anything but for reasons I was? Obv when I was in my sickly victorian child era and I couldn't do anything for it#Wren arriving late to the party once again lmfao 😂
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IVE NEVER GOT THIS HOWE DIALOGUE. THROWING UPPPPPPPPPPPP
#GOD. THIS GAME. RENDON HOWE DIE HORRIBLY CHALLENGE (EASY)#tay plays dao#A FOOL HUSK OF A DAUGHTER LIKELY TO END HER DAYS UNDER A ROCK IN THE DEEP ROADS????????#'bryce couslands little spitfire all dressed up and still playing the man' has always been one of my favorite lines Ever. AND NOW THIS ???#BRO.......................................................................................#oc: elspeth#for her this is taking place like. a bit less than 2 months after the deep roads supertrauma i was talking abt yesterday lol#her being at her weakest psychologically and. dsfkjhjfsdfd#hearing THAT?????????? and being like ok. some points have been made#but also after the deep roads shes simultaneously stuck in this ''nothing is real and nothing matters'' mindse so it doesnt hurt as much#since shes already been telling herself all that for months anyway.#like yeah ok and what of it. i might be nothing but im abt to cut YOU into nothing and that will make me feel better <3#GJKGFJKFG#i also think its so funny going from the deep roads to howe's estate quest. like going frm the closest thing in lore to hell itself#to the mansion of some fucking scrawny prissy loser who hasnt picked up a sword in 20 years w guards who dont know shit abt shit#the whole party just. cutting thru them like a wave sjdksjk#ANYWAY NOT TO TIE EVERYTHING BACK TO THE DEEP ROADS BUT IT IS LITERALLY ALL ABT THE DEEP ROADS BTW <3 ALL OF IT <3
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what are the consequences of lying to a psychiatrist asking for a friend
#AKA what wld their reaction likely be if i told them i havent been taking my meds for the past month#and that ive felt better in that time than ive felt in the past 2 years#thats like. thats good right#thats a sign i *shldnt* be taking these meds right#like im not saying im anti-medication or smth#there are still things going on w me that i think meds cld help with#i just really truly believe i was put on the wrong ones at first#and rather than stop and go “okay maybe these ones arent working” we just started treating the side effects with OTHER meds#like#fuck#i KNEW they werent working from the moment i started taking them#and i TOLD my drs#but they were just like “give it more time” or “well lets add this one on and see how you feel”#im so curious now what this past year wldve been like if id never taken any meds#i genuinely think it wldve gone better#anyway. i think im just gonna be honest w him#im not a danger to myself or others rn#i dont think hed see it as a Red Flag or anything#im specifically trying to tell him how much *better* i feel off of them#god. wish me luck.
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semi infrequent positivity posting. i love how I look now, i like the purposeful and active decisions I have made to change my body and my appearance to be what i want them to be. testosterone did save me but it goes far beyond just that
#looking in the mirror and not being disgusted. everyone say thank u t!!#29 months tomorrow. i stopped doing monthly voice recordings after a year and a half or so but i might do one tomorrow jjst for fun#my voice has almost certainly stopped changing which is nice to be stable.#crazy fact. taking t for 2 and a half years makes u look like a cis man. why am i still pleasantly surprised by this#running. lifting weights. eating better. getting better haircuts and wearing different clothes#yea doing all that without t would have helped too but ykwim.
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