#taken for granted

[unknownn-girl]

no one loves like i love and no one bothers to see my love for what it is either

[tsubaki94]

19 Left behind

Ai-less whumptober

[howifeltabouthim]

'You can look at someone your whole life and never see them.'

Jenn Lyons, from The Ruin of Kings

[dk-thrive]

It all flowed over me with a screaming ache of pain … remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted.

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (Anchor Books, April 2000)

[annagxx]

I've spent so much of myself trying to fit into roles I was never really invited to play, desperately trying to be a friend to those who never saw me as one, forcing myself to be a lover where I was never truly embraced. I would bend, twist, and mold myself into shapes I thought would make me visible, doing things I knew didn’t come naturally to me, just to feel like I mattered to them. But no matter how hard I pushed, no matter how much I gave, I was always on the outside, a shadow lingering at the edges of their lives. I’ve never felt like I belonged. Instead, I’ve felt guilty-guilty for wanting to be known, guilty for trying to carve out a space for myself in their world, knowing deep down that I was never meant to have one. Maybe that’s my curse to always be the secret, the afterthought, someone who exists but never truly fits, always wanting to be seen but never truly allowed to be. And it’s lonely, suffocating, this constant feeling of being too much yet never enough. I wish I could just be myself no masks, no pretenses and still be wanted, still be needed. To be enough just as I am, without having to shrink or stretch into someone else's version of who I should be. I crave that feeling of being truly seen, where I don’t have to fight for a place in someone's heart, where just being me is all it takes to be loved. But it feels like such a distant dream, a hope that fades every time I try and fail to find that kind of acceptance.

[matilda-jugs]

never take anything for granted.❤️

[anxiouslyindecisive]

[tinkertechy]

I need to Scream about ChromeOS

It's been a long week and this is something I can rant about without doxxing myself too much.

So I teach kids about computers. And before anyone says 'But they're the technology generation, they know all about it!' remember that you didn't know how to drive a car before you were 16, and cars have been around for over a century. But I digress.

You know why Kids don't know anything about computers? Because we've set them up with the *worst possible computer* to learn about computers on: Chromebooks. Yeah, yeah pandemic and learning form home and all that, but this started well before the pandemic; Shutdowns just exacerbated it.

Chromebooks are designed to be simple. But they're *designed to be simple*. I want to teach kids how to read a file system? Google Drive is all they got. Want to teach kids how to check computer specs and how well their computer is currently running? Nope-you *might* be able to check the RAM if you're lucky. Diagnose how much space is left on your storage? Good luck; Drive doesn't even show how much space they have left. Compare and Contrast different applications for a particular use? It's the Chrome Store or nothing. The entire environment is designed to be a glorified web browser. You never leave the Chrome environment.

There's no native apps on the Chromebooks because they have all the memory and internal storage of a 6 year old with ADHD. Everything has to be through a web browser, and since most of my students are elementary age they can't really make accounts for most stuff without their native school account which, guess what? is through Google. The whole system is designed to be as simple to use with as few buttons as possible. Which, as a teacher managing hundreds of kids, is helpful to a point. But it holds the kids back just as much. When something goes wrong, it's so simple that you feel like an idiot for not being able to figure out what went wrong. There's no room for troubleshooting or critical thinking here.

Oh, and by the way the entire OS is designed at a basic level to be readable by kids who *know how to read*. Teaching the lowest levels how to log in, click on a link for TypingClub or read basic instructions can be grueling. Google Classroom is optimal for middle school and maybe 9th grade and that's about it. They use touchscreens for everything, so it's hard to get them to learn to use a mouse in the first place. (It's also aesthetically ugly, but that's my personal opinion)

There also seems to be fewer resources or standards for teaching about computers; my state's standards are very comprehensive from a programming or analysis standpoint, less so from a 'they should be able to type X words per minute' or 'be able to format a report' or 'write an email with neutral tone' or 'be able to move a file from Google Drive to a flash drive,' stuff that Every student should know how to do. Stuff that most adults take for granted because they were either taught or grew up in an age where everyone had to figure it out for themselves because there were no teachers yet.

And, while this is a more niche one because I don't know how most schools operate, Chromebooks just add to the student's load. They haul them back and forth to EVERY class and were 'supposed to replace textbooks', yet somehow they still have a mountain of textbooks they haul around in a wheeled backpack because *there's so many books they can't use a normal one*. I helped a student lift their bag the other day and it must have weighed 20 lbs! (Definitely more than the car battery I had to haul home from the store, but that's another story.)

I have accounts for kids that can't even spell their own last name yet, let alone know how to type. It's hard to teach about computer security when half the school needs to have a sticker with the username and passwords for up to 4(!!!) different online accounts for various programs. And kids will share that information anyway because they don't think anything major of it yet, and half the time it's not hard to figure out.

(This isn't even getting into side tools and peripherals to teach kids about computers. Anything you want/find is niche and will be extremely expensive)

So how would I fix this? (Because I don't like to rant about something when I can't offer a solution.)

Get them on actual computers and not glorified web browsers.

Assess whether or not Chromebooks are helping students in the classroom or just creating more work. Their primary use should be in the event of a shutdown or virtual school day to allow all students to work from home regardless of personal computers.

Build an Operating System/UI that's designed to grow with the student: Kindergarten and 1st grade are primarily picture based, larger cursor, as little clicking as possible to get to activities. More options and standardized UI appear as the student grows until high school where it's a normal system.

Actual Standards. Not just 'this is a monitor' (Most of my students didn't know this) and 'Here's how to program a thing' (Which is fun, but can be advanced) but 'How to save my work' 'How to write an e-mail' and 'what is a file type?' A minimum typing speed should also be required.

Keyboards designed to teach how to type. Colored keys, letters in a font that match the typing program, maybe a bit bigger than a normal keyboard. And to wrap it up, some fun quotes from my students: "That's not a Computer, that's a PC!"

"That's a TV!" (It's a monitor)

"You're doing a writing challenge? Why don't you just use AI?"

"Ms. Teacher, (That's exactly what they call me) I found a weird thing!" (It was their Drive.)

"Why did you paint all those?" (I pass a hard drive around so kids can see it. They all sniff the yellow paint I sprayed it with last week.)

"I wanna play the ice cream game." (There is no Ice Cream game. They just want to play random internet games)

(Students sign out by turning off the computer)

(A student looks up a minecraft video on YT because he wasn't paying attention when I gave out instructions and thought I wouldn't notice.)

Next rant: The double standards of 'forbidding the use of AI' for students while using it behind the scenes for teachers.

[uaravsh]

"A thousand moments that I had just taken for granted - mostly because I had assumed that there would be a thousand more."

- Morgan Matson, Second Chance Summer (@uaravsh )

[petiteaspiegirl]

If you treat a person well all the time, you are going to be taken for granted

[z-kathryn]

Hi y’all here are some recent photos of me, I’m single again so I can show off now :)

[howifeltabouthim]

I've been convenient, a distraction once in a while, but not someone to be taken seriously . . .

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blindfold

[hrithisha]

HE WILL MISS YOU...

WHEN HE IS NOT TREATED THE WAY YOU TREATED HIM.

WHEN HE IS TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

WHEN HE LONGS FOR CONVERSATIONS BUT RECEIVES EXCUSES.

WHEN HE REALIZES WHAT HE HAS LOST AND FINDS HIMSELF DESTROYED.

WHEN HE IS IN THE DARKNESS WITH GUILT.

WHEN HE STARTS LOOKING FOR YOU IN EVERY FACE.

WHEN HE LOSES HIMSELF.

[dinkybutkinky]

It never will

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

"Why Wasn't I Enough?"

Summary: Written for AI-less Whumptober 2023 Day 19 instead of 13. Technically set before RttE. Hiccup Left Berk AU + Trans!Hiccup AU. The Dragon Master helped Berk end the Dragon Scourge, now they’re free to celebrate Dreadfall and Hiccup is free to think about the past.

Warning: /

Rating: General

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Stormfly

Pairing: /

Words: 1 905

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: Taken for granted, "Why wasn't I enough?"

Whumpee: Hiccup

Author’s Notes: Posting Day 19 because Day 13, while also written, takes place after this one. So I'll be posting Day 13 on the 15th because Day 15 is the second chapter to 13, which I'll be posting on the 19th. Confused yet? :')

Enjoy!

@ailesswhumptober

XOXOX

A celebration on Berk. Growing up, Hiccup can’t say he’s seen too many of them. With the threat of dragons looming over them and alliances between tribes shaky, there often didn’t seem any room for them. There was too little food, the weather was too harsh, the most recent raid left too much to rebuild, there were lives lost… and other such reasons. In short, there was no reason to celebrate anything.

Except maybe a birthday. Because someone surviving another year was always a good thing.

So to see the colorful decorations and lights now should leave Hiccup feeling warm. There are a lot of young children on Berk now, more than he's ever seen in his entire lifetime, it should be a joy to see them get to enjoy such festivities.

But… These thoughts can't seem to get him warm.

From the edge of the old kill ring, he watches the village. The glow of the lights and the sounds of music, singing, and laughter can be seen and heard from all the way up here. Hiccup sits with one leg dangling, the other a stump wrapped in bandages. Toothless lies half curled up around him. He watches the scenery as well.

The dragon warbles, wanting to know what they're celebrating.

"It's called Dreadfall, Bud," Hiccup says. "We're celebrating the harvest."

"We're," what a strange thing to say. He hasn't been on Berk since he left when he was 15. His 18th birthday is coming up. Though he wants to join so badly, he doesn't belong with them. He never did.

His stump is all bandaged up, his leg lost for them, but still he’s not one of them.

Though Toothless would like a more in-depth explanation on this harvest feast, he can tell the mood is a little melancholic and so decides to ask later. He puts his head in Hiccup's lap, giving him something to pet. That always seems to make him feel better.

It's silent then. After all this time together, few actual words need to be spoken between the two of them.

Wingbeats approach from above.

“There you are! I figured I would find the two of you here,” Astrid remarks as Stormfly lands nearby. She dismounts with ease and approaches, something held securely in her hands. The Nadder follows her and attempts to preen her. Hiccup is glad to see their bond- still so fresh- growing.

“You did, huh?” Hiccup asks, a welcome smile on his face.

“Well, not here specifically, but I didn’t even bother to drop by Gothi’s because I knew you wouldn’t be in bed,” Astrid takes one shoulder of his as she takes a seat on the ledge with him, Toothless moving his tail out of the way. It makes him glad to see her so comfortable around dragons nowadays.

“I think you know by now that I can’t sit still,” Hiccup responds and Toothless snorts. Oh, if only she knew how bad his rider is at sitting still.

“You can also not sit still in the village, you know? Where we’re in the middle of a party? You could have some actual food for once,” she tells him and hands him what she was holding. It’s been wrapped in cloth to keep it warm. Unwrapping it, he finds a small pie with custard filling.

“It’s a Berk special. I saw that the baker was making some and thought of you, I don’t think living amongst dragons means you can have a lot of pastries,” she explains.

“No, I usually just get fish thrown up in my lap if someone thinks I need extra food,” he states, to which she laughs. And yes, it’s funny now, but she has no idea how often it happens.

There’s a beat of silence as he simply listens to her laugh and enjoys having her near. There was once upon a time when he crushed on her. Hard. Are all of those feelings gone? He’s… not so sure.

“Do you think she’ll ever get to enjoy Dreadfall again?” Then a question comes that completely ruins the mood. At least for him. For him it’s a slap in the face, for her… Astrid is just nostalgic. Melancholic. Like he was minutes earlier.

“IIII… don’t know if she’s out there after all this time. I told you this before, Astrid. I promised that I would try to find her, not that I would,” Hiccup reminds her.

Though she tries not to let it show, he can see the slight change in her expression. Her smile falters, but it takes a trained eye to notice.

She’s talking about Hiccup. Hiccup their heiress, not Hiccup the Dragon Master.

Because she was a girl and he's a guy.

Pastry forgotten, he pets Toothless with a knit in his brow. The dragon's eyes are closed, but he knows he's listening in.

Astrid watches them from the corners of her eyes.

The Dragon Master is here because stories of his many exploits reached far and wide. They heard about how he could control dragons, make them do his bidding. And as Berk was desperate for an end to the Dragon Scourge before they’re annihilated, Astrid took her peers and went to find him. They implored him to help solve their predicament. How lucky they were to find out he already knew what was terrorizing them for three centuries. All he asked in return is that Berk accept and try to live with dragons.

He lost his leg killing the Red Death and thus the Dragon Riders were born. It’s still a relatively young endeavour, but Snotlout has already proclaimed himself the best dragon trainer Berk has ever seen.

Hiccup nearly lost his life saving their village, now he’s their hero, and they will make good on their promise to help him protect dragons.

And now he’s going to try and find their heir… Heiress. Because Stoick’s daughter disappeared one day when the poor girl was only 15, snatched away by a dragon as the rumors go. Just like her mother before her.

Seeing the Dragon Master live so harmoniously with the beasts who took her, there’s some newfound hope that she might still be alive even after all this time. Or that is certainly Stoick’s hope.

His hatred for dragons, it isn’t as deep as the love for his daughter.

Or so he’s been told.

“You should come down with me,” Astrid decides to strike up another conversation. “I think some time spent amongst humans could do you some good.”

“Oh, what’s that? Are we trying to civilize the feral dragon man, Astrid?” Hiccup asks her.

“Well, you could use some manners.”

“Right. Anything Snotlout can teach me?” He teases her back, her laugh causes his heart to flutter. Okay, maybe the feelings are still there.

It’s a shame that, too, will have to stay secret.

His smile falters at the thought, though he tries to force it to stay.

“In all honesty, I guess I’m hoping to make you stay,” after a beat of silence, Astrid admits. “Having you here seems to do our chief some good.”

Hiccup perks up as do Toothless’ earfins. “It does?”

Astrid nods, but doesn’t elaborate. That will be her mystery to hold.

What about him makes Stoick so happy that his people have started noticing? Are it his deeds? Or does he, perhaps, remind him of his lost child? Could it be the similarities in his face? The hair? The scrawny physique? Though he’s not as much scrawny anymore as he is lean. Compact.

Or is it really simply because his deeds have saved the village from being wiped out? Kept the lives of their young children from being snuffed out through raids, famine, or disease?

Maybe it was out of a need to test the waters, but he straight up gave them his name when they first asked. His real name, the one he kept. Astrid had looked at him, expression unreadable, and simply said "okay."

"Okay."

No sign of recognition. What a haircut, some bindings, and boy clothes don't do to a person.

Oh and rumors. Because of course, Stoick’s daughter- who couldn’t focus on household chores long enough before getting sidetracked by her crazy ideas- couldn't possibly do what he does. Though, every rumor speaks of a man, which is exactly how he prefers it, though it still stings.

Astrid and Ruffnut were taught to be warriors, meanwhile Hiccup was desperately taught how to be a wife. Not even how to be a chieftess. A wife. A mother. After all, someone had to protect her once Stoick couldn't anymore and that meant she had to be appealing to someone. It was appalling.

And apparently, there was a suitor on the horizon.

Sounds to him like their heir left in the nick of time.

Astrid rises to her feet, Hiccup and Toothless both watch her. “I’m rejoining the party, I still have to show Stormfly our chicken pies.”

The Nadder squawks excitedly behind her, her spines flex enthusiastically.

Hiccup huffs in amusement. Turns out, Stormfly adores chicken, it’s her favorite food! Her Rider should absolutely introduce her to this delicacy.

“You can get some as well if you plan on joining us,” Astrid tells him, hands on her hips.

“I’m familiar with chicken pies, I did live in a village at one point,” he reminds her. He told her a bit of his past after a bit of questioning. Some bits and pieces to keep it vague enough, he doesn’t want to be found out for who he really is.

Unfortunately- or fortunately depending on who you ask- the twins have spun a story about how his parents were killed when he was very young and the dragons raised him, which is how he got so good at bonding with them.

It’s only true in that the dragons do take good care of him, just like he and Toothless try to protect them. Particularly his inner circle, consisting of a Night Fury, a Deadly Nadder, a Monstrous Nightmare, a Gronckle, and a Hideous Zippleback. All released from the very kill ring behind them.

With one last smile, Astrid leaves them, mounting Stormfly before the two fly off.

Now finally left alone again, Hiccup’s smile disappears and Toothless warbles at him quizzically.

“I’m okay, Bud,” he assures him. It was a pleasant conversation, but for him, there’s a bit of an aftertaste. Everything on Berk gives him that aftertaste because everything reminds him of his past.

A past in which people didn’t like him or anything he did. When everyone else’s idea of giving him a bright future was to make him worthy to be married off and have children with. When no one could’ve ever thought the embarrassment of Berk could ever be the Dragon Master they ran to for help.

Upon first coming to Berk as his true self, he was surprised to find that Stoick’s daughter was missed as much as she was. All this talk about finding her, all this worrying, recounting the stories they have of her… Why did he have to disappear for people to stop taking his existence for granted?

His hands find his dragon again, who lifts his head again. They’re at eye-level.

"Why wasn't I enough, Bud?" He asks and Toothless purrs, nuzzling him. He throws an arm around him and holds him close, in need of his comfort.

[princessheatherblossom]

Underappreciated is as bad as unloved 😥