#take apart the other bed
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Me: icant wait to draw all day today
Me instead: *takes the entire day switching out my bed frame for another one*
#to be fair i did it alone#and it was like#so much work#take apart bed#take apart the other bed#put bed bck together#move bed#move bed again#put THAT bed back together#ragh#tiref
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shang qinghua and shen qingqiu would be so funny as college roommates. because here's the thing, they would definitely both blame each other for basically everything and be like "he's the worst roommate ever!" to their respective boyfriends and then it turns out they're both actually just awful roommates. Like shen qingqiu probably sucks at domestic chores like loading the dishwasher and always does it wrong no matter how many times he's corrected, but shang qinghua is probably up all night typing abd playing music obnoxiously loud (he has one of those really clicky keyboards and also gets way too enthusiastic about typing) and leaves empty energy cans/Ramen cups everywhere. Will either of them move out, or learn communication skills? No, of course not they prefer to complain
#shang qinghua#shen qingqiu#svsss college roommate au#i think theyd probably be passive aggressive about everything#like they do like each other but theyre still very antagonistic at times#svsss#love hate roommate situation#shen qinqiu also manages to break half the appliances he tries to use somehow despite using them normally#theyve bought four different toasters#shang qinghua probably takes up a ridiculous amount of pantry space for just his ramen#also they probably have like MAYBE one set of actual dinnerware/silverware#and like they have cups but all mismatched#binghe sees their apartment for the first time and almost faints#shen qingqiu doesnt see the problem#like i dont think it would be dirty! but very disorganized#shen qingqiu has a water bottle collection by his bed in my head#or religiously drinks out of the same tumbler every single day#shang qinghua i think would have a drink fridge but its entirely mountain dew or dr. pepper
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Gael García Bernal in I'm with Lucy (2002, dir. Jon Sherman)
(these gifs also feature Monica Potter)
Gifs are all 540px wide so you can click to see larger.
[other gael filmography gifsets]
#gael garcía bernal#i'm with lucy#ggb filmography gifs#gael garcia bernal#i had never heard of this film before starting this project#there's i think one review available online#so i'm going to assume that you know as little about it as i did#monica potter's character dates (in order) john hannah and gael and anthony lapaglia and henry thomas and david boreanaz#david boreanaz has blond highlights in this btw#blond highlights!#they are mesmerising#anyway gael plays date no 2 aka the guy she has immediate chemistry with but they have nothing else in common#they spend most of his section of the film in bed#but you kind of have to take the 'chemistry' as read because there's very little sign of it#that is all you need to know about this film#except that that elaborate pond/water feature thing (he calls it a 'brook') is actually IN his apartment taking up most of the floor space#there's a bed over to one side and a kitchen to the other and just this big water feature everywhere else#it feels like that must be breaching some kind of building code
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Chubby Eddie who snacks pretty much constantly; one of the only times he's not eating something is when he's getting his next tattoo or a new piercing, because it kind of scratches that same itch as being full.
#chubby eddie munson#wg steddie#other times include:#when he is playing guitar#when steve is taking him apart in bed (or on other convenient furniture/surfaces that can support his current weight)#subby eddie vibes here for sure#if he's addicted to anything it's that fully-in-the-moment-in-his-body feeling#and steve just loves anchoring his boyfriend's flyaway brain with love and home-cooked meals#scoops words
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were there any pre canon concepts for adrien's/felix's room? i hate the canon one so much the layout confuses me
Afraid not. I think the closest we have is the information that Felix/ Adrian's family owned a hotel (this is before he was made into the villain's son.) A lot of early and even current ladybug is pretty focused around Marinette. Nathan-Felix-Adrien as a character is shockingly inconsequential to the narrative as a whole. (Which is probably why he was so easily edited throughout development whereas Marinette stayed pretty consistent.... And is also apparently still the case from what I've heard of the recent season.)
You can actually really see a lot of the inspiration that it transferred to the agreste mansion... But it also lost a lot of style and flair. Richard had a lot of art deco inspiration in the buildings associated with his character. And you can kind of see that in the hotel piece here. It's all connected, at least I believe it is.
It makes sense that the current one is frustrating. It's a mix between " oh this is what a fabulously wealthy teen boy would like" being full of video games and literal arcade machines, but still having like no personality? Like it's big. Because Adrian is rich. And it's like... Largely undecorated because Gabriel is like a minimalist or whatever... Except for all of the stuff that Adrian has because he's rich. And that's literally the end of it.
Edit: If I were to fathom a... A room that does line up with that hotel era then I would do something like this, except with more whites and golds rather than blue... Or just tailor it to however the cat's relationship to his father is.
#It's like go one way or the other man#is he overprotected and not allowed to express himself? then give him the bare bones room with nothing but the bookshelves.#or is he spoiled and sheltered where he can literally do whatever the fuck he wants to his apartment-sized room.#I never particularly like depicting Felix as a character who benefits from his father's wealth#largely because I'm caught between that crossroad of not really wanting to depict a rich character#but also you can't divorce that from Felix's narrative and still indulge in him being related to Richard#my favorite depiction is that sure his family is rich. But his father is also incredibly strict.#Felix gets the bare minimum. he gets a room. he gets a bed. he gets a desk. And because Rich is a generous soul... A bookshelf#but this isn't your house boy. And if you want to live here then you have to live by my rules and you have to fulfill my requirements#he has no rights to privacy. he has no rights to a space of his own. he has no rights to pick his hobbies. not while he's living there#and it's all painted in that bright white because if anyone's going to be a minimalist it's going to be Richard Sphinx#no wonder Felix likes to escape into books or hide at the library or spend his time in the park#no wonder he takes so easily to being chat when his life is like this#in Stark contrast to private Jets and literal yacht vacations and the best toys that daddy's money can buy energy that Adrian gives off
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day 2 of bday weekend celebrations was another gorgeous beautiful success 💗💗💗
#in my besties group aqua bestie & me have bdays two days apart so hers is today and i got her theee prettiest shade of dior lipstick#like the exact one i knew would look so good on her and it doesss and she loves it ofc i would give her the moon btw#and other besties got her these beautiful earrings & this like blush contour stick she’d wanted & her bf got her a gold bracelet and she#loved it all heheee actually i helped her bf choose the gift which makes it more special to me 🥹#he had the right idea just wasn’t sure on the exact style which is where miss best friend of 15 years comes in 😇#and i got MY pink thermos (! so important to me i will Not drink room temp water) water bottle for the gym but like actual My exact pink#and a gym bag that id sent them the link to just to ask what they thought 😭 and they actually got it for me#it’s so cute 💖 and i got a pink hair tie 100% silk ofc and a massage ball bc id mentioned it fleetingly 🥺😭#and roommates bf got me an ear cuff i mean obviously roommate actually picked it out LMAO but it’s sooo gorgeous and so perfect bc i loved#wearing mine and i lost it ❤️🩹 and im so so happy w this one it’s so gorgeous ill take pics later#anyway we were both so happy w the gifts and then ofc killed it at the escape room then had beautiful dinner & then cocktails at this place#w a gorgeous view of the city#and now im comfy cozy in bed TIRED but so happy 💖💖💖 i love being loved!!! it’s INSANE!
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Absolutely no motivation to unpack my apartment after the past week I’ve had and I’m trying not to be so tough on myself but I’m still sleeping on my mattress on my floor and living out of my suitcase and I’m just starting to feel so disorganized and icky which I know won’t go away until I unpack
#I’ve been trying to get a few little things done here and there after work but I’ve been so fucking dead#I slept almost all day Monday when I had work off#then I had an appointment with my psychiatrist after work yesterday#which I had to do in a park on my phone since my wifi isn’t set up in my apartment yet and I have no service in there either#and I have to leave work early for another doctors appointment today#and then therapy tonight#and I really need to pick some prescriptions up that I’m completely out of but haven’t had time to before the pharmacy closes#and I desperately need to do laundry but my new apartment only takes coins for laundry and the bank is always close before I get out of work#all on top of so many other things happening in my life rn#I just feel like a damn mess#I want to lay in bed with someone to keep me company while they play with my hair and we watch happy comfort movies
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For the Doctor AU:
The… “aftermath” of their date, if you know what I mean… 🔥
They're making out like teenagers, stumbling in her door.
Obviously the date went well.
Gil kicks the door closed, still kissing her like he's being shipped off in the morning never to return. In reality, they both have 24 hours before they're on call again, if all goes smoothly.
"Gil," Thena whimpers, her arms around his neck he presses her back against the door. He's way too good at this. "Gil!"
"Hm?" he stops, tearing himself away from her in a grand effort. Her lip colour is all over him.
She laughs, reaching up to wipe it off his lips (not that it isn't a great colour on him). She shakes her head, "just...slow down. I'm not going anywhere."
"S-Sorry," he turns pink, contrasting the lip stain on him nicely. He helps her swipe it away and then swipes at the corners of her lips, too. "Got, uh, excited, I guess."
There is something always so sweet and endearing about him. Thena grins; if she had been nervous at all about finally going on an actual date, that was put to rest. "It's been a long couple of weeks."
Since their last...tryst.
He just nods, looking at her in a way that makes her need to look away from him. She looks over at the flowers he brought her when he picked her up. She stuck them in her fruit bowl with cold water because it turns out that she doesn't own a flower vase.
"Should I say goodnight?"
She looks up at him again. Of course he would ask that--give her the option. They were making out like he was going to fuck her against the door just a second ago. She shakes her head.
He leans down and kisses her again, gently and slowly this time. Not that she needs a special 'first time' treatment, or anything. It's far from their first time for...anything.
First real date, maybe. And it went smoothly, because it's still them. Although there's this fluttering sensation that's been happening more and more and more. And it started well before the sex did.
Thena throws her arms around his neck again, kissing him more fervently. He accepts and she pushes her tongue between his lips.
Gil moans as he tastes her, and the rumble of his chest against hers makes her brain see new colours. He holds her so gently, like she's this very precious thing.
She pushes closer, tugging at the lapels of his jacket in no particular direction. But it's in her way, regardless.
"Yeah?" he asks briefly, between their breathy, open kisses.
"Yeah," she confirms, nudging them in the direction of her bedroom. It's been a long couple of weeks indeed.
"C'mere," Gil mutters as he hoists her up, holding her by the waist and supporting her legs as they wind around him. He enters her room backwards, kicking the door closed again.
Thena pulls him with her. She pushes his jacket off his shoulders while also trying to keep kissing him. It's not exactly ergonomic.
"Hey," he chuckles, leaning up so he can remove it more easily. He looks down at her, and her impatient pouting. "I'm not going anywhere."
"What if I do want you going," her eyes run over him for a second, "somewhere."
He raises an eyebrow at her, looking awfully cool about it. He starts unbuttoning his shirt (maybe he's too patient). "Where do you want me?"
Her toes curl, and she clamps her lips closed before she can say something completely vulgar. He smirks at her visible restraint and tosses his shirt off before gripping his belt. "I'll surprise you."
Thena shudders as he kneels against the foot of her bed, trailing his hand from the strap of her heel up her calf to her thigh. She bites her lip as he hooks his finger into the top of her thigh-high stocking. He drags it down, making sure she can feel his finger against her skin the whole duration. His other hand is pulling her heel off.
"Did I tell you?" he asks all of a sudden, as if he's reminding her about a work schedule or a supply notice. He grins, though, tossing the stocking aside and letting his hand drift up her leg again. "You look stunning."
Yes, he did tell her that. And it made her bright red the first time and this time is no different. She looks away, "you might have mentioned it."
"Good," he chuckles, dragging the other stocking down with much less protraction. "Not that I could ever say it enough."
Thena lifts her hips as he starts dragging her dress up her body. She should have guessed Gil would be really into this part of things. She's never been much of a fan of it with her exes, but-
"Hey."
She opens her eyes, looking down at him poised between her legs. She resists the urge to tug her dress down.
"Try to relax," he says in that gentle, work-husband voice she's used to. His finger hooks into the side of her panties, "you're in good hands, Doc."
She almost chastises him for the cliche joke, but she doesn't get the chance as he runs his tongue over her. She slaps her hand over her mouth as some kind of completely new sound tears out of her.
Gil is capable of unwavering focus. He runs his tongue along her lips and through ever fold and crease he can find. Once that's done, he focuses on the little pearl of nerves presented to him. Actually, he knows her better than that, so he knows to focus his attention right above it, otherwise it's too much for her.
Thena groans into her palm and up at the ceiling. He's massaging the hood of her clit as he pushes two fingers into her, and she's already far beyond being able to speak coherently. "Fuck!"
"Let it out, baby," he says roughly against the inside of her thigh. He leaves a kiss there, but she knows he's grinning like a maniac.
She whines a bit as that feeling builds from below her belly to a burn in her chest. She doesn't like getting eaten out...didn't--she didn't like getting eaten out before. She should have known Gil was different in this way, too.
She brings her legs together and rolls onto her side, gripping the closest pillow she can as she comes. Her hips tremble and she bites into her lip as a string of appreciative noises escapes her.
Gil kisses up her back to her bare shoulder, pulling his fingers out gently. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, "you good?"
She presses her face into the sheets as she lets out a moan. She is so very, very good.
Gil licks his fingers clean - unnecessarily and embarrassingly loudly - before moving his hands to hers. He gently works to unclench her fists from around her already messy sheets. "Honey?"
Thena pushes her hips back against his, earning a groan from him for her efforts. She points to the far nightstand, "top drawer."
Gil heeds her, giving up on forcing her to look at him in all her glowing glory. He opens the drawer and gives the box of condoms a shake, "full box?"
She still doesn't look at him, "like I'd be using them by myself?"
She hears him shimmy back over to her on the bed. He leans down and kisses the back of her head. She whines again, "are you going to fuck me, or not?"
He accepts her raised hips, letting her push back into him as he rolls the condom on. He reaches up and pulls her dress zipper down, exposing the pale of her back and the strap of her bra. "Matching set?"
"I told you to let me get ready," she mutters in reply. In reality, half of that time was actually finding a set that was cute but not too desperate seeming.
Gil leans over her back to whisper closer to her ear, "are you?...ready?"
She nods as he helps her toss the dress aside, both of them naked and already finely sheened with sweat.
"Actually..."
"What now?" she glares back at him. He's going to be patient about this?!
He pulls her hair over her shoulder, kissing the base of her neck, "I wanna see that pretty face, Thena."
Again with those sweet words. She huffs, "you don't have to say things like that."
"Like what?" He can be a real tease sometimes. He chuckles he helps her roll over and slips a pillow behind her lower back. "That I wanna see how beautiful you are when I make love to you?"
Exactly like that. Thena rolls her eyes at him, so it won't seem like she's feeling shy after such corny compliments. Her chest is flushed rouge anyway. "Yes."
"Okay, I won't say it," he chuckles and leans down to kiss her again.
Her mouth drops open as he pushes into her. She almost forgot what it felt like to have him in her like this. But she could never forget that.
"You can feel it."
She digs her nails into his back, mostly so he stops talking and she can focus on how fucking good she feels. He moves gently at first, and she hooks one of her legs up around his back. "Fuck, Gil."
"Thena," he growls back, his hands moving endlessly between holding her hips and running through her hair and palming her breast.
She pulls them up to her breasts, which bounce and ripple with every slap of their hips coming together. He gets a handful of them, but his touch is both firm but gentle. She can feel the callouses on his hands as they move against her nipples.
"Thena, honey," he grunts as he picks up speed. He's always more vocal when they're fucking - making love, apparently - and she doesn't mind it at all.
Not that she wants to tell him that she likes it when he calls her stupid pet names and tells her she looks pretty and kisses her cheek in the morning. All the things she swore she didn't need in her life--too busy for them.
Now she craves Gil like the air she breathes.
"Gil," she whimpers, clawing at him, needing him closer as if he's not buried within her completely. They're as connected as can be and she still wants more--that's how down bad she is. "Baby, please!"
He grips her hips and pulls her up and smashes their hips together. He leans over her, coarse hair grinding against her clit with every movement. She can see the flush in his skin and how tight his throat is. He cradles her cheek in his palm, "right here, baby, all for you."
Fuck, does he ever make a mess of her.
"Gil!"
Thena comes first, crashing down and around him like a wave engulfs the shoreline. Her whole body tenses around him, from her insides to her legs wrapped around his hips to her nails on his back. She clings to him.
Gil lets her. He smashes their lips together and his hips buck a few times as he follows her into bliss. He stays close, whether because she keeps clawing him closer or because he also wants to be no more than a breath apart from her.
Thena tries to hold onto him but everything goes soft. Her arms lose their muscle and she flops to the bed, panting for breath and her hair spread around her.
Gil leans down to kiss her before lying beside her with a groan. He pulls her into his chest. "Baby?--you doin' okay?"
Thena lets go of her pride completely, purring as he cuddles her in his arms. She snuggles as close as she possibly can, which is already embarrassing enough. "Hm, I'm...I...I'm...yeah."
Gil chuckles, but he doesn't ask her what she was trying to say. She has no idea either, anyway. Probably just about to sing his praises in a way he would tease her about later. He rubs her back and runs his finger up and down her arm. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," she sighs, more sated than she can ever remember being. She really thought it would be the same as when they fuck in an on-call room, but she couldn't have been more wrong, she realises.
Gil kisses her forehead and starts moving around, but she's way too out of it to think about what he's doing. He could literally run a bath and sponge her off and she doesn't think she'd be aware of it.
"I'll be right back, sweetie," he kisses her cheek as he stands from the bed. He doesn't need direction; he knows where everything is.
"Hurry back," she mumbles, still a pile of goo in her own bed. She'll pull herself together when he gets back, she thinks. She just has to...recover.
They'll have to go on dates more often.
#Thenamesh Doctor AU#Thenamesh 18+#it's time!#Gil finally gets to take his wife out on a proper date#And of course everything is perfect#he brings her flowers#she doesn't have a vase but they just laugh about it#Thena doesn't tell him that she literally sprinted around her apartment to get ready#she tells herself it's no big deal#she is not some spring chick going on a date with her crush#she is a grown woman and a doctor and Gil is her friend#wrong they make eyes at each other the whole night#they flirt the whole time#her foot kept brushing against his leg under the table at dinner#and they both knew what the offer to come in really meant#she hasn't been thinking of Gil picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder at all#also he makes her breakfast in bed the next morning#like a good husband
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opal is so happy to be sleeping downstairs again and i am so happy to be sleeping in a nice big bed after a year in a 15+ year old falling apart bunk bed
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i want to get started on the Full Hands List but i am waiting on my apartment people for scheduled maintenance and i don't really want to start until they leave but i also have no idea what time they'll make it to my apartment so we're just playing the waiting game now
#at my old apartment i was one of the first to get the maintenance bc my apartment number was just higher on the list#so it was usually around 10-11am#but im much further down now and idk how long it'll take#this isn't my FIRST TIME having the preventative maintenance in this apartment but the last times i just went to bed and got woken up#when they knocked#bc i was still on nights and i had no idea how long it'd be and didnt want to stay awake#and i did NOT check the time when they finally arrived#i just let them in and waited until they left so i could go back to sleep lmao#so#we'll see ig#I'm also splitting this into 3 days instead of don't all 3 seasons at once ill do a season a day#largely bc of time in general and how it's like. 12 hours of show.#and im be starting late today bc of *gestures at post*#but also it's going to be LONGER cus i have to pause every time hands shown up so i can note the timestamp#which ofc makes the whole process much. MUCH longer as seen with s3's preliminary run lmao#ough#I'm talking so much jdfjjsjd#also just my attebtion span is NOT great and i need to actually be WATCHING THE SCREEN THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME#and can't be checking my phone or anything#cus ill miss shots!!!!#i missed at least 2 on my og s1+s2 list and im sure i missed others#i also have to decide how to count the montages#cus there'll be like 2 shots of hands immediately one after the other in the montages#sigh#......... I'll probably count them separately. just for accurate numbers.#which ofc means that ALL of my bonus aren't QUITE right rn cuts ik i lumped montages together#lmao#oh this will be so much fun#shh ac#young royals
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It's cool because I'm no longer really depressed. Not exactly, I think.
However, I still have this problem I've never been able to get rid of. I have the idea of doing a thing but then my brain goes blank and I don't do the thing. If it's a mandatory thing I will at some point do it but like with guilt, anxiety, stress and quickly and badly. But the worse part is for hobbies. I do have ideas, desire but still I don't do the things. It absolutely make zero fucking sense. It's like my brain is lacking a connection between the thought and the execution of it. It's draining all of my energy. I don't know what to do with it.
Honestly as much as I don't like working, it's kind of a good thing that I have a job, obviously for money, but also to have a somewhat healthy pattern. It's not that healthy because I go to bed later than I should be and so I'm always tired. What I mean is that I have to cook, shower etc. And I do this because of work. I know this because every weekend everything fall apart from Friday to Sunday 18:00 when the guilt finally kick in. Like, I do enjoy cooking but somehow it's easier for me to cook for work than the weekend when I barely eat anything and at weird hours. So yes I perfectly know that if I didn't have a job I would be a total mess. And that's why unlike some of my colleagues I can't quit and give myself two months of rest before actively applying for a new job, I know it won't happen (also obviously money and even though I saved some I suffer from what I call "ex poor syndrome" so even though I know I could technically survive a few months without a salary my anxiety will never ever allow me to quit without having something to bring me money at the end of the month). So yes the plan is to apply to stuff till I have a the certainty to have a new job, then quit and take all my vacation days and maybe a few extra days. Problem is the energy needed to search for a new job. Similarly I kinda think about trying once again to do something about my driving licence, because I know I will have more chances to find a job, I could go live more in a suburb less expensive area and also the reality of adulthood since my grandpa hit me that I will need to be able to drive to take care of my parents someday. But then again my brain don't want to hear anything about it. So obviously I'm like, well then let's chill and let's do something we like. Writing about the books I finally read, collages, gif making, writing, I don't know literally drawing ugly doodles in a notebook? But even for this my brain shut down. It's exhausting I really don't know what to do with it anymore.
My brain literally lack the "click" thing that activates the whole process.
#genuinely have been thinking for months about doing a adhd diagnosis but yeah... this too i can't do it#first of all i don't even know how these diagnosis are made and by who#second of all I'm pretty sure it's just me being lazy and not wanting to take responsibility for it#but i have a friend who is now under a medicine#and like she has pills that make her do things?????#like not antidepressants#antidepressants never made me do things either they just stopped me from killing myself which is you know great#they were doing their job I wasn't crying no more#but like i still was a blob in my bed when i was not at work....#i want to do things now....#like i want to deep clean my apartment because im tired of it#but it requires way too much energy#i want to start looking for a new job but again energy#i want to maybe find a healthy activity like book club or hell even sports to do outside of work so i ca' see people and all#but the thought of it... it's draining my brain#i want to do collages but again no energy#and then my friend is like 'yeah the other day i came back home there were dishes to wash and i washed them' and I'm like#WHAT ?????#there is a pill for this????#how can i have this? sounds like magic#i just can't imagine doing a thing the second i think about it#all my family relatives like to say this is about self discipline#and to an extent i agree#i mean everybody at some point push back something even normal people#problem is i do this with EVERYTHING#it's not a one day laziness#it's an eternal laziness#and anyway I really wants to know where in my brain this comes from#and how to get rid of it#you'd notice that for someone with now energy I ramble A LOT and that's because in this aspect i have no filters and that too is exhausting
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you are the man in the mouth of a drain you are written in sleep you are the black fox in the snow you are the wasp stung by a bee you're the puzzle-solving animal holding all the weapons at once you're the one vandalising the music industry bare-boned magenta-voiced high-climber you are the deep cut the shameless loud cough and the fourth scab, twice-removed you're noah's wife and god's brother-son-daughter-whatever and you're throwing us off the wall it began with you, blemished chrome and the working poor and a lesson in tenuousness and how to sweat, preferably with someone else, preferably onto someone else.
#youre the angel with wind turbines for wings. youre throwing up a thousand lines. in the dream we struck each other for fun.#you are the river dancer the unbeaten cancer the run-through fencer stabbed by 7 rapiers in each direction#youre not for nothing youve just got it bad this time youre the one killing the whale youre ripping silk threads on your bed apart like a#preprocessed chrysalis you reinvent the triangular wheel kiss the last dancers take the fucked up stances love her like you mean it#love him like you don't
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davesport is like the one ship i can literally point at and just go "this is just queerplatonicity." and be like pretty much 99% right
#[ren]#YES they fucked YES they sleep in the same bed YES they're toxic YES they've done things that make them unlovable to anyone but each other#YES if you take one away the other will kill you with their bare hands and tear you apart like a dog to get them back YES they will follow-#-eachother to the ends of earth and hell itself YES they hate each other YES they love each other.#NO they are not dating
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well i didn’t get my paycheck in the mail but i did get a referral notice from my doctor saying that i can expect to see an endocrinologist... in SIX. FUCKING. MONTHS.
#no. fucking. no#i can barely get out of bed on a good day. i've been feeling this way for months.#bloodwork says i HAVE hashimoto's disease. i have a family history of thyroid issues on both sides#i am NOT in acceptable health to be waiting six months. i wanna cry. maybe i will#tales from diana#another fucking phone call i have to make on monday. i still haven't called the other specialist i need to see to make an appointment#the secretary told me they'd take care of this one and schedule it for me#they said it might take until the fall#i can't wait until the fucking winter solstice#i have so much anxiety on top of all of this health shit i have barely been able to think straight this week#everything in my life is falling apart#reducing/managing stress is all they told me i can do for now (until i potentially start a treatment course)#to prevent myself from developing full-blown hypothyroidism#AND LET ME TELL YOU... CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE NOT BEEN GREAT FOR THAT#i'm gonna have to drop out of society and be a recluse again at this rate. this is so discouraging#i'm not gonna be able to continue my education or pick up a steady job#luckily being a substitute teacher is super flexible but i wanna fuckin be able to pick up hours at that job#i haven't been able to work more than two fucking days a week since april#i don't leave the house to see ppl anymore bc if i so much as walk in a parking lot im unable to get up for the rest of the day#im PISSED#i do wanna cry#ok bye i can't be ranting like this anymore i wanna cry
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Girl we're moving out today after work yippee
#I'm gonna be tired as all fuck#my mom too#but!!!! the apartment were moving to is literally the next building from the one were living now#and since we're moving out of my grandma's theres no real hurry#like. were just gonna take some basic necessary stuff today#the new apartment is fully furnished#we're just gonna need to move my desk and one bed there#but still. theres no real hurry with that#i cant waitttttt#mom told me we may not have internet for a while once we move so that kinda sucks#but other than that. excited and happy#bee buzz
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you know how in the first hunger games book when katniss sleeps in the cave and it’s mentioned that in the dark of the cave she is allowed to move her face how she wants without having to put up a façade for the cameras. yeah that’s kinda fucked up. anyway I consider the shower and my bedroom the only ‘safe’ places where I can emote/do whatever without fear of being watched/judged by others which is kinda pathetic
#when I say I’m going to bed I’m not always going to sleep right away.#usually the period between ‘going to bed’ and ‘going to sleep’ is where I just. breathe. and i can take off the mask for a mo#i feel bad tho#cuz my dad was confused as to why I was heading to bed so early#and of course my mom was in the room too so I can’t admit that I want this stupid fucking day to be over with asap#and the sooner the she-devil’s face is out of my sight the sooner I can feel a little calm#then my parents had the balls to talk about me driving to my therapy session tomorrow#which made my heart start beating faster and suddenly I’m more stressed out than before#this day has sucked ass#and i just want to cry and fall apart in someone’s arms#but. there isn’t anyone I can do that with. not in this house at least.#nearest person I can think of is one of my friends and frankly he’s better off without my whining#I just want to die#or at least fall asleep and have a nice dream and never wake up#I. I don’t really want to wake up tomorrow?#only thing keeping me going is a birthday party for my friend and ayaka banner on the same day#and chewie#other than that…idk.#vent
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