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liumoonlight · 2 years

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It’s Me You Love

Pairing: Niki x fem!reader

Genre: College AU, Fluff, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Light Comedy

WC: 10k

Warnings: Mentions of drinking, Mentions of Arguing, Swearing, Mentions of kissing, Playful Fighting between Karina and Sunoo

Featuring: Karina, Winter, and Ning Ning from Aespa, Taeil from NCT-127, Sunoo and Lee Heesung from Enhypen. Mentions Jisoo from BLACKPINK. Mentions Yeonjun from TxT. Mentions Ryujin from Itzy

Synopsis: You were in the best relationship you could ever ask for. Lee Heesung was everything to you, but so was yours and his childhood friend Riki Nishimura. You hid you were in love from him for a long time, but you didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore. You decided that now is the time, but it comes at a cost: lose the best thing to ever happen to you or choose the one you’ve been in love with since you were a kid.

A/N: My first 10k fic 😩. Through the amounts of writers block, brain farts, and stress I finally finished this. Without a doubt I was really happy with this fic from top to bottom. I hope you enjoy!

We’re Just Friends

“Babe where are you?” you said to yourself while waiting in the school halls for class. You sat by your locker patiently waiting for your lover to show up. It had been almost an hour since he last texted you, and being late was never really his style. As you continued to wait, you swiped open your phone and scrolled through pictures of you and your boyfriend. “Heesung you make me so happy.” “Well I’m glad that I can make you happy.” You were so deep into your own space, you were unaware you were thinking out loud. You were also unaware that Heesung had slowly popped up behind you.

“Baby! Hi! Where were you?” you said as you hugged him. “Sorry ran a little behind schedule thanks to this guy.” You looked to see that Niki was also standing beside him. “Niki… did that really happen?” you said with a smile. “Of course not y/n. He’s the one that almost overslept again! Honestly what would you do if you didn’t have me Heesung? You’d probably drop out of college.” “Ahh whatever.” Heesung said playfully while messing up Niki hair. “Ahhh cut it out.” Niki said while straightening his hair. You laughed at the two of them as they played around until you looked down at your phone to check the time. “Shit I’m gonna be late. Bye baby I’ll see you later at lunch.” With a quick kiss, you turned and headed for your first class of the day.

“Hey y/n! Almost late again huh?” You turned to see your two friends and classmates Sunoo and Karina heading towards you. “And I see you two are walking together again.” you said as you let out a sly grin. “As if I would ever give Sunny here a chance. He has a better chance with Winter.” Karina said in snarky voice while trying to avoid looking in Sunoo’s direction. “And you have no chance of passing chemistry without me so I’d choose my words wisely missy.” “Ouch!” You laughed as you watched the two of them go back and forth. “Karina just give in. The way you two go back and forth all day with each other makes it seem like your already a couple. Besides Sunoo is head over heels for you” As you said that you could see Sunoo face turn from pale pale white to red instantly. “Hold on for one second y/n. Don’t try shipping us.” All you could do is laugh in response to Sunoo’s reply. “Did you finally confess Sunoo? About time.” “Karina you be nice to him.” You continued to laugh as your other friends and classmates, Winter and Ning-Ning walked up. “Oh my god you guys! Stop it!” Karina said while trying to hide her blushing face. “No way! He likes you and you like him! Besides he’s a sweetheart.” “I’m going inside the class.” Sunoo said as he paced away to his table. “I hope class goes fast today. I’m starving.” you said as you and the rest of your classmates walked into class. “It’s 9:00 in the morning. Do you ever stop eating y/n?” Winter said while taking her seat right behind you. “Of course not. All Heesung ever does is feed her and spoil her.” Karina said as she and Ning-Ning took there seats in front of you. All you could is smile in response.

Time slowly paced by as you sat in class. You tried to focus, and write notes as the teacher went on explaining the lesson, but even that wasn’t enough to stop you from thinking about Heesung. You sat reminiscing on all of your memories together. You had known him since the two of you were kids. He grew up two house down from you, and would often spend a lot of time at the park playing along side you and Niki. Some days, it would be just you two spending time with one another. You would ride bikes, eat ice cream, and watch movies together. You were only nine at the time these things happened, but you were sure you were in love with Heesung, even if you didn’t fully understand what it meant to be in love. Over time your bond with both Heesung and Niki grew making you inseparable, but as you got older, it was Heesung that you spent most of your time with making the feelings that you had for him even stronger. While he occasionally dated other girls that you knew, it would make you jealous in a way, but it never stopped the feelings you had for him. It wasn’t until senior year of high school that you both confessed how you felt for one another. From that moment in life, you had finally gotten the one person you wanted to be with. You felt you had the perfect life and the perfect boyfriend. Even now in your senior year of college you felt the same way you felt for all those years.

“Y/N!” You snapped out of your thoughts as Winter, Karina, and Ning-Ning stood in front of your table. You were unaware that the bell had rang for class to end.“You were daydreaming about Heesung again I bet.” Ning-Ning said smiling while looking you dead in the eyes. You were face was such a bright red that you couldn’t deny what she had just said. “So are you pleading the fifth on that?” Karina said while playfully waving your phone around. “Give me my phone. Why don’t you go and talk to your boyfriend he’s right over there.” You said smiling while pointing in Sunoo’s direction. “Really y/n?” Sunoo said while looking in disgust at Karina. “Well she’s not denying it right now. She hasn’t said anything.” Winter said while smiling at Karina. “Anyone hungry?” Karina said while trying to dodge the question you had asked. “Me! Let’s go!” You said with an excitement in your voice. “Your paying this time right Karina.” You said while walking towards the door. “Let me check my account. Baby are you paying this time?” Karina said with a pouty face looking at Sunoo. “Oh my god. Fine…” Sunoo said while shaking his head and heading for the door.

As you and your friends walked towards you pulled out your phone. You checked your notifications and then scrolled to your messages to see if Heesung had texted you. “Hmmm.” you said in pouty voice. “What is it y/n?” Sunoo said while trying to look into your phone before being hit on the shoulder by Karina. “Ouch! Karina what the hell?” Sunoo said with a slightly annoyed voice. Karina looked at Sunoo with an equally annoyed face. “Since when is it cool to ever look into someone else’s phone?” Karina said with a disgusted voice. “Since when is it cool for me to be paying for your lunch again?” Sunoo said with the same amount of disgust in voice before turning back to you. “Anyways what’s wrong y/n?” “Hubby can’t make it to lunch.” you said as you continued to pout. “Awww poor baby? Is it really that bad?” Ning-Ning said while scrolling through her phone. “Yes!” You said in an instance.

You were so bummed in the moment that you didn’t feel an arm wrap itself around your shoulders. “He stood you up? Don’t worry miss I’ll be your date.” Niki said while smiling and walking. Seeing Niki made you smile while also prompting you keep going along with what he had just said. “Date? Who said this was a date?” “I did. It’s on me.” Niki said whispering in your ear in a attracting voice causing you both to laugh. “Well hello there Niki.” Karina said in a similarly attractive voice. “Save that for Sunoo.” “Oh great you too Niki?” Sunoo said while putting his hand over his face. “It’s pretty clear she likes you. Take the chance.” “For the love of g-“ Karina said while pacing off towards the doors of the dining hall.

Your friends went in different directions once you entered the dining hall, while you and Niki went and grabbed food from the same area. “So did he say where he was and why he couldn’t make it?” You nodded your head no in response to Niki’s question “He’s probably studying or something.” You said prompting Niki to laugh in response. “Well I hope that’s going well.” Niki said in a sarcastic voice. “Cut it out Niki. It’s okay. He’s busy I can understand that.” “Yeah you’re right. Everything is okay. You got me. You always will.” Niki said smiling at you. “Okay?” You said smiling a bit awkwardly and not sure of how to respond to what he had just said. “Hey you two! What’s taking so long?” You both had turn to see Karina and Winter signaling for you. “Oh right forgot we have to pay!” You said as you trailed off behind Winter and Karina. You approached the register with your wallet in had ready to pay before Niki grabbed your wallet from your hand. “Niki you don’t really have to pay for me. I can pay for myself.” “I told you it’s on me.” Niki said smiling before inserting his card into the card reader. You tried to hide your smile but you could feel Winter and Karina looking and smiling right at you.

Just as you and Niki headed towards the table where the rest of your friends were sitting, Karina pulled you to the side. “I’m so jealous of you.” Karina said giving you a sly grin. “What are you talking about?” You said with a bit of confusion. “You not only have a hot boyfriend, but a hot best friend who I can obviously tell really likes you.” “Karina stop it. Me and Niki have been friends since we were kids. Its never been that way between the two of us.” “So you’re telling me that not once have you ever felt differently about him?” Karina said smiling. “No of course not!” You said while trying to keep your voice down. “Say what you want but I know he likes. True enough you have Heesung, but I feel something between the two you. He genuinely loves you.” “Okay love doctor. While your so concerned with me and my best friend, why can’t you put this much energy into telling Sunoo how you feel about him?” You reply was enough to make her walk away towards the table as you followed behind her laughing. “So what were you two talking about?” Sunoo said before taking a sip of his drink. “Karina wants to ask you out.” You said laughing before taking a seat with your plate. “Y/N really!?” Karina said before throwing a piece of fruit at you. “Real funny y/n.” Sunoo said before turning away from Karina.

After eating lunch, you and your friends walked the courtyard of the school. “I’m so bummed I got a test for my next class.” Karina said pouting. “You did study right?” Sunoo said while staring directly at Karina. “Yes?” “Great. I’ll see you at the library in an hour.” Sunoo said sarcastically while shaking his head and walking away. “I just remembered I have literature class so I’ll catch you all later.” Ning Ning said before heading towards the literature hall. “Y/N do you have any other classes today?” Niki said while continuing to walk. “No chemistry was the only class I had. So I guess I’m going to head back to my room.” “Lucky.” Winter said while scrolling through her phone. “Yeah I know right.” Karina said while continuing to pout. “Do you want me to walk you back to your room?” As Niki said that, your face turned bright red causing Winter and Karina to both look at you with smile. “No it’s okay Niki. I can make it by myself.” “What she means is yes I would love for you to walk me to my room Niki! Please!” Karina said in a playful sarcastic voice. “Karina!” You said while hiding your red face. “Seriously I’m okay Niki.” “Okay I understand. I’ll catch up with you later. Bye y/n.”

As Niki walked away you let out a sigh of relief only for Winter and Karina to walk side by side of you with smiles on their faces. “So are you sure you don’t feel the same about him?” Karina said while laughing slightly. “Yes Karina! For the last time we are friends and nothing more.” You said feeling slightly annoyed. “I wish my friend walked me to my room. Your lucky. He’s super sweet!” Winter said while wrapping her arm around your arm. “Not you too Winter. Seriously?” “I know Mr. Perfect is your boyfriend, but seriously honey Niki and you are a perfect fit for each other.” Winter said while walking ahead of you. “Heesung is all I need. Besides I doubt Niki has any feelings for me. He’s known me his entire life.” “I don’t know about that.” Karina said while still smiling. “Oh my god!” Winter said out loud. “What is it?” you said before stopping. “Taeil from my astronomy class just asked to meet up with me!” “Taeil?” Karina said looking disgusted. “You mean the cute one that’s like super nerdy?” “Yes him! And what’s wrong with nerdy?” Winter said feeling slightly offended. “Nerds are just not my type.” Karina said while continuing to look disgusted. “Will you come with me Karina?” “Why me?” Karina said while sighing. “Please. I don’t wanna go alone.” Winter said while pouting. “Fine I guess.” Karina said reluctantly. “Have fun Winter.” You said laughing softly. “Bye y/n!” Winter said while pulling Karina by the arm and walking away.

After ten minutes, you finally reached your dormitory. You approached your room door after exiting the elevator, sticking the key in and opening the door. You closed the door behind as you walked in, sliding your shoes to the side and laying down in your bed. You opened your laptop to a picture of you, Niki, and Heesung from your high school senior trip to the States. “We’re just friends and nothing more.” you thought to yourself as you continued to smile and look at the picture. Your focus shifted to Niki in the photo completely. You knew that there was some truth to what Karina had said earlier. Niki was your best friend, and you were very aware of how he felt about you when you were kids. You recalled having a small crush on him when you were younger, but you thought nothing more of it. It was always you and Niki until Heesung entered your life. “What if it was you Niki? How would we be as a couple?” You thought quietly to yourself as you laughed. Back then it was so easy for you to tell how Niki was feeling. He was like an open book to you being He would tell you everything no matter what it was. Years later during high school, and even now in college, he began to get a bit quiet in regards to how he felt about anything. He went from being an open book to more or less a closed off person that just went with the flow, but even with that you both continued to have an amazing friendship and bond.

“Im thankful for you Niki.” You said as you slowly drifted asleep.

The Confession?

You were awaken by knocks on your door. You looked drowsy eyed at your phone to see it was 7:00 p.m. Slowly you pulled yourself out of bed and made your way to the door. Still somewhat half asleep you unlocked the door not bothering to ask who was there. “Baby! Hi!” you said excitedly realizing it was Heesung and Niki. “Hey there sleepy head. Did you miss me?” Heesung said while running his fingers down the side of your face. You nodded and smiled in response as you slowly moved in to hug him. “Oh I’m sorry! Hi Niki!” Niki waved in response from down the hall slightly smiling. “How was your day?” Heesung said while smiling at you. “Better now that I see you.” You said in response while continuing to hug him. You let go of Heesung, inviting both he and Niki in.

“You slept almost all day.” Niki said while walking towards your laptop desk. You felt something was wrong with Niki but thought nothing of it as you focused on Heesung again. “So what brings you to my domain good sir?” You said to Heesung while playfully running your hand through his hair.” “Well I missed you.” “And Karina and Winter invited us over to their place for a game night.” Niki said as he looked in to you and Heesung’s direction. “Oh great she’s having another game night? Why didn’t she say anything about this earlier?” You said while turning to your closet. You knew that a game night at Karina’s was anything but a normal night. She and Winter lived off campus in apartment together, so school rules were pretty much nonexistent. You knew pretty much every game she played from top to bottom, and you also knew that she pretty big on drinking games. “You know Karina and Winter plan stuff last minute. So you can just about imagine how the night is gonna end.” Niki said while turning pages in one of your notebooks. “You wanna go?” Heesung said while grabbing you and pulling you closer. You smiled in response and kissed him while Niki shook his head in disgust and continued going through your notebooks.

You grabbed a hoodie and the three of you made your way out the door and into the elevator. You and Heesung held hands and talked playfully before you noticed Niki walking ahead of you both as if he didn’t want to be bothered. “I wonder what’s wrong?” You thought to yourself as continued to walk. As the three of you approached Karina and Winter’s door you could tell something was visibly bothering Niki. “Niki are y-“ “Y/N, Niki, Heesung! Welcome! Come on in” Before you could say anything, Karina and Winter opened the door greeting and inviting the three of you inside.

Once you entered, you were met with music playing, and a few people that you were familiar with sitting around on the floor. You knew Taeil from last semester thanks to having one class together, and because he was the one Winter was interested in. You saw Sunoo talking with Jisoo, Ryujin, and Yeonjun from chemistry class. You turned to see Heesung talking with Karina, while Niki was sitting off in a chair in front of the television. Before you could walk over in Niki’s direction you were cut off by Winter handing you a glass with a dark red liquid in it. “Enjoy that.” Winter said while smiling and singing the words to the song that was playing. “Mmm.” You said as you took a sip from the glass. You were familiar with the taste of Sangria as it was one of your favorite wines. “How much have you two had tonight?” You said while turning towards Winter. “Surprisingly none. I’m trying to loosen him up first.” You looked as she pointed in Taeil’s direction who you could see had a smaller cup in his hand. “He looks nervous.” “Yeah drinking and gatherings aren’t exactly his cup of tea, but I really wanted him to come.” Winter said while smiling and winking her eye as Taeil looked from across the room.”

“Hey Karina mind if I play your switch?” Niki said sitting in front of the television. “Sure go ahead.” Karina said before pouring a glass of pink wine for herself. “So you bought both of them I see.” Winter said smiling before taking a sip of wine from your glass. You had coughed from swallowing the wine in response to her question. “It’s the other way around. He was the one who told me about this. He’s also been acting a bit distant tonight.” “Maybe you should try talking to him. I want you both to have a both to have a good time. Besides your amongst all of your friends.” You nodded and smiled before taking another sip from the glass. “Winter?” “Yeah?” Winter said before turning to walk away. “So there is something I have to talk to you about.” As you said that, Winter walked in closer. “So I-“ “Hey baby. Hey Winter.” Before you could say anything you were cut off by Heesung wrapping his arms around you. “Hey there Mr. Perfect. Came to snatch my woman from me?” Winter said jokingly. “Just for a few mins. I’ll bring her back I promise.” Heesung said while smiling at you. “Very well. We’ll talk later y/n. You two have fun now!” Winter said before walking off.

“You okay?” Heesung said while looking at you. You nodded your head yes in response, but truthfully you weren’t. You were concerned about Niki. He hadn’t said one word to you since you all left your room. You kept wondering if you had said something or did something that may have upset him. “I’m okay. I promise. Are you enjoying yourself?” “I am. I hate I can’t stay though.” “Why?” You said with a pouty face. “I’m meeting up with a few of my classmates to do some late night studying.” “This late though?” You said while still pouting. “I’ll make it up to you I promise y/n” Heesung said before kissing you softly on the lips. “Okay fine, but just so we are clear that’s twice today. You owe me lunch.” You said while smiling. “Done. I’ll deliver it to your door.” Heesung said while trailing his fingers down the side of your face. With another kiss, you watched as Heesung walked out the door.

You then averted your attention to Niki, who was focused on the video game. You walked in his direction wondering if he would actually tell you what was wrong, or would he just tell you he’s okay? “Hey Niki.” You said before sitting in a chair next to him. “Hey.” “Is something bothering you? You haven’t said too much of anything since we got here.” “I’m fine y/n.” Niki said dryly while continuing to focus on the game. “You would tell me if there was something wrong right Niki?” As you said that Niki paused the game while slowly turning in your direction. “You know I would y/n. I’d tell you in an instant.” “Do you promise?” You said while holding your arms open for a hug. “Yes I promise.” Niki said while softly patting and rubbing your head before turning back to the television screen. You couldn’t help but smile as you walked off. All the worrying about Niki was washed away like a wave of water crashing down on a beach.

You continued enjoying yourself as the night went on. You sat on the couch, eventually falling asleep. “Y/N! Y/N!” You were slowly awaken by what sounded like distorted voices. “Ugh… keep it down. My head is pounding.” “You are a total light weight you know?” Karina said giggling at you while continuing to clean up. “Shut up…” you said slightly slurring your words. You tried to move to your body to get off the couch, but your body felt like a ton of weights. The most you could do is move your head to the right of you to see Karina and Winter cleaning while Niki was wrapping up trash bags and carrying them out the door. “Heesung…” you said out loud. You pouted for a few minutes before realizing both Karina and Winter looking at you slightly confused. “What?” You said while placing your hands over your face. “Your definitely intoxicated” Winter said while laughing. Intoxicated was not the word you would use to describe yourself in this moment, but your body would disagree with you. You felt as if you were floating in an ethereal space trying to think of what to do to get your body to move off the couch, but nothing worked as you continued to lay in the same spot. “Alright that was the last of the trash. How is she doing?” You turned your head to see Niki walking towards you. “Very much intoxicated. Can you get her home Niki?” Karina said before taking a seat right next to you. “Anyone ever tell you that you and Sunoo would so cute together?” You let out a snicker, prompting Karina to look at you in disgust as a response. “Okay come on let’s go before Karina kicks both of us out. Literally.” Karina continued to look at both you and Niki while contemplating the idea of kicking you both out with her boot literally. “Alright come on my light weight.” Niki said as he slowly bent down to mount you on his back. You continued to shout and laugh as Niki carried you out of the door, not really thinking much of what you were saying.

You found yourself gazing out at the night sky as Niki carried you on his back. You always found the starry night skies beautiful as a child. As you stared, you started to reminisce on those nights you and Niki would play outside way past your curfew. “Those were good times in life.” Niki said while continuing to walk. “Hmm?” “All those nights where we played around at the park, and grab snacks from the 7/11 store knowing we weren’t supposed to be anywhere near downtown with out my mom.” You laughed quietly to yourself as Niki continued on with the story. “Are you reading my mind or something honey?” You said before laying your head down on his shoulder. You could see Niki smiling before eventually coming to a stop.

“Awww why are we stopping?”

“Look ahead!” Niki said with excitement. You looked up to see a 7/11 mart ahead of you. Your face lit up with excitement as Niki ran carrying you his back. “I can’t believe as much as I have walked this neighborhood I never seen this.” You said before jumping off his back. Niki smiled, nodding in agreement with you before opening the door. “After you my lady.” “Aww your such a charmer.” You said before walking in. You felt like a kid in a candy store as you look around at the shelves. They had candies and chips that reminded you of your childhood. “So do you know what you want?” “I want noodles and dumplings” you said pouting. Niki smiled as he walked to back to grab noodles and dumplings for the both of you. You watched Niki as he put the noodles in the microwave to warm. There was a feeling that made your heart race for a second. You knew Niki was your friend, but from his actions, and the way you interacted made it feel like more than that. You were so thankful for him being in your life.

“Oh could I have a melon milk tea please?” You said as you grabbed the drink from the freezer. “Make it two.” Niki said while smiling at you. “Yay!” You felt giddily as you walked towards him with the drinks. “Ahh done.” Niki said as he pulled out the noodles. “Oh my god! They look amazing.” You said with a happy voice. Niki smiled and walked away towards the register to pay for the items you bought as you set the table for the both of you. Niki made his way back to the table sitting across from you. You both grab the chopsticks and high five one another just before chowing down.

“Hey Niki?” “Yeah?”

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

You could see Niki almost choke as you asked that question. “Wait what?” Niki said as if he didn’t hear you. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend? We’ve been around each other all of our life and I have never seen you so much as show an interest in someone. I mean there’s gotta be at least one person you’ve shown interest right?” “Let’s change the topic.” Niki said while avoiding your question. “Ooooh! So there is someone? Tell me about her.” “No because there is no one.” You could tell he was lying, and you could also tell he wanted to avoid your question by any means possible. The two of you were always honest with one another growing up and even now that never changed. You had never seen Niki interested in anyone other than you when you were kids, let alone he never talked much about being in love or any type of feelings that related to that topic. It was such a gray part of his life, but you could tell by his reaction that there was something he wasn’t telling you.

“So there’s literally no one you have ever had any feelings for at all.” You said while looking him directly in the eyes. “Just one.” Niki said while averting his eyes from your direction. You sat up excitedly waiting for him to continue.

“So tell me about her.” Niki let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink before continuing on. “So there is one person I’ve had feelings. In fact I’ve had feelings for a while.” “Is she pretty?” You said jokingly. “She’s beautiful.” Niki said while smiling. “She’s an amazing person to be around. She’s the highlight of my day. Being in her presence makes everything better. We have a lot in common.” As he said that, you began to think about who this person could possibly be. It definitely wasn’t anyone from your group of friends, but you didn’t rule it out either. You snapped out of your thoughts before asking another question. “So have you told her how you feel?” You could feel his energy change as you asked that question. His smile suddenly disappeared and suddenly his voice became a bit more serious. “Well… that’s the problem. I can’t bring myself to tell her how I feel.” “Why not?” You questioned.

“Because I’m afraid. Not just afraid of rejection, but also losing this person. When I’m around her I can barely form the words to tell her how I feel about her. I don’t know if she feels the same about me, and honestly that’s the scariest part.” You could tell whoever this person was meant a lot to him. You hearing him speak his feelings aloud made you smile, but it still made you question who it may have been. You slowly grabbed his hands and held them up hoping it would comfort him. “Niki. You are one the sweetest people I know. Anyone who gets to know you is extremely lucky because you are amazing. I don’t know who the person is, but it sounds like you don’t just like her. It sounds and feels like you are in love with her.” You could see Niki’s smiling again as you said that. It made you even happier to know that your words could comfort him. “If I ever meet her and she doesn’t feel the same way about you, I’m definitely going to tell her to look in the mirror and realize that she’s missing out on something that’s truly amazing.

“Some advice you should take for yourself.” Niki said before letting go and walking towards the door. You wondered what he meant by that, but you didn’t think much on it. “You can’t just get up and leave your trash.” You said jokingly. “I bought the food. That’s your way of paying me back.” Niki said before running out the door. You trailed behind him after throwing away the trash.

For the rest of the walk it was quiet. You kept thinking back to what Niki said earlier. You tried not to dwell on it, but you found yourself constantly thinking about who it could’ve been that Niki was talking about. Was it you? As much as you wanted to shoot down the possibility of it being you, it seemed as if the person he talked about sounded a lot like you. You loved Heesung, but you also loved Niki. True enough you got over your crush you had on him as a kid, but what you felt for him was still there. He was afraid of rejection just like you were afraid of him rejecting you when you were younger. “Why couldn’t I just bring myself to tell him back then.” You thought to yourself. You knew the answer. You had chosen Heesung, and as much as you wanted to tell Niki what you were feeling, you knew telling him everything now would only make things more complex between the two of you.

You continued walking eventually reaching your room. “Well we are here.” Niki said while smiling at you. “Yeah.” “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nodded in response to his question. “Goodnight y/n.”

“Niki wait!” “Took you long enough.” Niki turned only to kiss you softly. The warm feeling from kissing his lips were enough to make everything you were thinking disappear. You felt like you were in a dream scenario as you kissed Niki again, but a dream was all it would ever be as you slowly snapped out of your thoughts. “You okay y/n?” “Niki I-“

“I love you.” You tried to retract your words as you realized what you said. You just told your best friend that you loved him. Unsure of how he would respond, you braced yourself. “I love you too. Good night y/n. You felt your heart drop for a second as Niki. As you walked inside your room, you were unsure of what just happened and what to feel. Your mind and heart were telling you two different different things in the moment. Your heart was fixated on the fact that you confessed unknowingly to your best friend that you were in love with him, while your mind was telling that the two of you only love each other as friends, and nothing more. You tried to forget about it as you laid in bed, but nothing worked as you continued to think of Niki.

“I really do love you Niki. I meant that.”

Your thoughts from the night before combined with no sleep whatsoever poured into the following day. You sat quietly in class even your friends are wondering what was wrong. You couldn’t focus one bit. You could feel your phone vibrating from the amounts of notifications you were receiving but not even that was enough to avert your thought. Niki was the only thing on your mind.

As you walked out of your lab class for the day, you realized Heesung was standing right in front of the door way. “Hi baby.” You wrapped your arms around him tightly as he did the same in return before you slowly pulled away. “That’s all I get? First no morning meet up and now no kissies from you. You could tell he was joking but you couldn’t form a sentence to reply. Instead you kissed him but not with the excitement and feeling that you always felt. “You okay?” You honestly wanted to tell him what was going on in your head and what your heart was feeling, but instead you opted to lie. “Yes I’m okay just kind of cram studying for my next exams have me tired. Are you okay?” “I’m even better now than I have you in my arms.” You smiled faintly but it was gone in an instant as you thought of Niki again. “Oh shoot. I gotta go baby. We should get lunch later. Sound good?” You nodded as he kissed your lips and walked off in the other direction.

“So what was that all about?” You were so out of it that you didn’t hear or notice Karina walking up. “Long story.” “Let’s walk and talk.”

“So what’s going on?” You could feel your heart racing as you were asked that question. “So I- I told Niki I loved him last night.” You could see Karina smiling from excitement. “How did he take it?” As happy as you wanted to seem, the thoughts plus mixed feelings about the entire situation still bothered you. “Well… he said he love me too but…” You and Karina both came to a stop as you paused your sentence. “I don’t think he meant it the way I meant it last night. I think he meant it purely from a friend standpoint, and honestly it stings a bit. I don’t even understand why I’m feeling the way I am right now. I haven’t been able to focus or sleep. I acted like Heesung didn’t even exist today. I feel so stupid.” You and Karina took a seat at a near by bench. She tried to comfort you as much as she could, but was unsure of what to do. Truthfully it did sting. You felt like your heart was rip out and stomped, but your conflicted emotions also made it hard to understand whether these feelings were right or wrong.

“You’re in love.” Karina said while hugging you. “I love Heesung. What do I do? I could never hurt Heesung like that.” “I’ll be honest y/n, I don’t know.” Karina tried to come up with any possible answer she could hoping it would help feel better about the situation but it didn’t help. “Winter is better at this kind of thing than I am. I have complications myself.” “Like what?” You sat up at full attention as Karina grabbed her bag ready to walk off. Karina let out a sigh before saying anything. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I do like Sunoo.” You tried to hide your laughter as much you could but Karina had already caught you. “Why did you let this happen?” “Don’t look at me. We already knew it was going to happen.” You said while continuing to laugh. You and Karina continued to walk before she had to leave for another class. For a few minutes you were smiling before finding yourself in your thoughts again.

“Why can I just forget about this?”

The rest of your day consisted of stress, confusion, and not being to focus on anything. The day felt torture more than anything else. You made it back to your room hoping a nap would help make you feel better, but even that didn’t help you. “Being in love is so complicated. What the hell do I about this?” You threw your face into your pillow, letting out a long sigh before sitting back up thanks to your phone ringing. Not caring to see who it was, you slipped in one of your headphones and answered the call. “Hello?” “That’s a kind of dry way to say hey to your best friend.” Not being able to focus on anything today was one problem, and now the person that was responsible for you feeling the way you felt is on the the other end of the phone. Things were definitely going wrong today. “Hey Niki.” “You don’t sound okay. Is something wrong?” If only he knew the shit day that you had all thanks to him being on your mind. That would’ve been enough to end the conversation right there, but you couldn’t let him know that. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. Classes drained me out today.”

“Aww man I’m sorry to hear that.” “Anyways what’s up?” You both went quiet for a second before Niki responded. “I wanted to grab lunch for us. I wanted to go back to that 7/11 from last night if you were interested?” As much as you wanted to say yes, you didn’t wanna make the situation anymore complicated than what it already was, and you had already made plans with Heesung. “I’m sorry Niki. I told Heesung that I’d have lunch with him today.” “It’s okay I understand.” You could tell he was a a bit disappointed by the sound of his voice. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. There’s alway next time.” Niki said trying to a positive attitude. “Yeah sure.” You tried to keep yourself together while also feeling that Niki was completely bummed out at your response. “I’ll talk to you later y/n.” “Bye Niki.” You said before hanging up. After hanging up, you felt worse than before. You felt like the most terrible person alive for turning down Niki in exchange for Heesung, but at the same time with the way today went you honestly just wanted to be alone. A few minutes later while trying to get your head together, there was a knock at your door.

“Hey baby.” You opened the door to see Heesung standing with bags of food. “Delivered as promised.” You smiled as you let him in thanking him for the food. “Maybe I can try and forget about it just for a minute. Please give me a break.” You said to yourself before closing the door.

It’s More Complicated Than I Thought

“Not gonna lie, girl this is a lot to take in even for me.” You laid your head down on the library table in defeat. You explained everything that had been going on lately to Winter expecting a different answer, but not even she knew what to do. “So you’re saying I’m fucked and that there’s no clear cut way to fix this.” You said as you threw your hands up covering your face. “No honey I’m not saying that. What this is all comes down to is what are you going to do?” Winter said as she grabs your hands. “I don’t know Winter. I have million thoughts of Niki running through my mind every second. I can’t even begin to tell you the shit show of a day I had yesterday.” “Have you talked to Heesung?” You sighed out of disappointment. “He bought me lunch yesterday and he stayed with me for a bit but even with that I could barely say two words because I was so deep in my head.” As you covered your face, Winter hugged you, hoping it would bring you some comfort. “So any progress while I was gone? Both you and Winter nodded no as Karina approached the table with drinks in her hand. “Here this is for you honey.” Karina said as she handed you a strawberry milk tea. “Thank you.” “I know you’re confused right now but we’re going to figure it out.” Karina’s word made you feel a lot better. The three of you spent the next hour studying while also making conversation before Winter and Karina left for their classes for the day.

You walked campus for the rest of your morning. Bored of just walking, you decided to walk back to your room and just kill time. “Hi y/n!” You were joined by Ning Ning as you walked back to your room. “Hey Ning. How are you?” “Packing my brains for my last classes before we leave out for break.” “Break?” You said as you were confused. “Spring break?” “Oh yeah. I forgot that even existed.” You and Ning Ning laughed as you continued to walk across campus. The more you talked, the better your day was getting. You didn’t think about the situation that was going on in the moment. For once you had a piece of mind. You had finally made it to your dormitory after walking for what felt like forever. You and Ning Ning both stayed on the same floor so you both decided to take the elevator instead of you taking the stairs like you usually do. As you waited for the elevator to stopped, you pondered should you talk to Ning Ning about your situation. You had talked to your other friends, but you got no answer that would help comfort you. Ning Ning wasn’t the biggest on relationships but she always gave you the best advice out of all your friends. “Well I’ll see you later y/n.” “Wait Ning I-…” You grabbed Ning Ning by the arm as the elevator doors opens. Ning Ning could tell by your expression something was definitely wrong.

“I need some advice.”

“Of course honey.” You both stepped off the elevator going to Ning Ning room instead of yours. Ning Ning unlocked and opened the door to her room letting you in. You had been to Ning Ning’s room before but not long enough to truly appreciate how aesthetically pleasing her room was compared to yours. You felt like it was a safe haven. You took a seat at her computer desk and began to explain the entire situation from the top to bottom. “So yeah that’s the entire story.” “Honey from what you’re telling me sounds like you’re in love with Niki.” Ning Ning said while smiling. “I’m confused Ning. Like I don’t even know how to act around him anymore. I’ve blocked out my feelings for Niki for so long, and now I don’t know how to even tell him that.”

Ning Ning continued to comfort you as you talked. “You should start by really asking yourself. Are you happy with Heesung? Do you really love him?” What kind of question was that? You loved Heesung. He would never do anything to hurt you. “I gotta go Ning. I’ll catch you later on.” “You’ll figure this out y/n. If there’s one thing I know is that you will know what to do in the end.” You smiled and hugged Ning Ning as you walked out the door. For the rest of the day you thought back on your conversation with Ning Ning earlier. You tried everything to come up with a solution to handle your problem, but nothing worked or made sense. Your thoughts were interrupted by knocks at your door. Not sure who it could be and why, you slowly made your way to the door to unlock it.

“Hi y/n…”

To your surprise it was the one person you were hoping it wouldn’t be. “Niki. What are you doing here?” You could tell from his face something was wrong. “I need to talk you. Can I come in?” You nodded letting him in as you had a feeling of how this conversation was about to go. You closed the door offering him a seat on your bed as mentally prepared yourself for what was about to come.

Niki sat in silence as well as yourself. You could tell he was nervous to say anything as he began fidgeting his fingers. “Y/n I-…” “Niki… kiss me.” You were both taken aback by what you just said. “Did you mean that y/n…?” You covered your face to hide the red that flushed over your checks. “Im sorry Niki I didn’t mean t-.” Before you could finish your sentence, Niki pulled you in softly kissing your lips. As much as your mind told you to pull away, your heart was saying to make this moment last as you lost all strength to his warm soft lips. As he began to pull away, you pulled him closer kissing him slowly climbing on top of him as he wrapped his arms around you. You couldn’t stop yourself as this was all you had thought about since the other night. You wanted this moment to last forever as you continued to kiss him.

“What the hell!?” You both looked up to see Heesung in shocked as to what he just saw. Your heart stopped as you tried to find the words to explain what you had just done but before you could say anything Heesung walked away causing you to chase after him as Niki laid in shock. “Heesung wait! Wait please! It’s not what you think.” You could see the hurt in his face as you continued to try and get him to hear you out. “Please let me explain Heesung.” “What is there to explain? Tell me y/n. Please explain how I just saw you kissing Niki so that it can make sense.” You tried to find the words to explain your actions, but you knew there was no explaining your way out of this. You felt the tears falling down your face as Heesung walked past you and into the elevator. You were met by Niki standing in your doorway as you walked back with tears falling from your face. “Y/n I-.” “Niki I need you to go.” You said walking past Niki into the room. “Y/n what we just did… I-…” “Niki I really don’t wanna talk right now. Please just go. Leave me alone.”

“What we just did… that meant something. You can’t tell me it didn’t.” “Go away please!” You cried out as you covered your face to hide your tears. You heard your door close as Niki walked out. You planted your face into your pillow, hoping it would stop the the tears flowing down your face, but nothing worked. You couldn’t stop your mind from racing with what had just occurred. You felt terrible for what you had just done, but you couldn’t blame anyone but yourself.

The following days afterwards, were a lot more gray than usual. You sat in your room, shutting yourself off from your friends and even missing class. You didn’t bother to check your phone, being you didn’t wanna talk to anyone. You had lost motivation to do anything that would make you happy. Hell even smiling seemed impossible in this moment as all you thought about was making the biggest mistake you could’ve ever made. You missed Heesung, and you missed Niki. All you could think about was fixing your error, but you knew that the damage you caused Heesung was irreparable at this point. You felt like nothing would ever be okay for you ever again as you laid in silence in your room.

You were drawn back to reality as you heard knocks on your door. You ran as fast as you could to open the door hoping it would be the one person you had wanted to see so badly. “Baby I-. Oh…” You opened the door expecting it to be Heesung waiting on the other end with open arms, but instead it was Karina. “Come here honey. I know you need one more than ever right now.” Karina said as she held her arms out. You hugged her tightly as you cried. After letting her in you made your way back to your bed as she followed behind you. “So you made your decision I see.” Karina said while sitting beside you on the bed. You nodded your head in agreement to what she had said, but you knew that it didn’t make you happy to admit. “I’m the worse person ever… I kissed Niki and lost both my boyfriend and best friend in the same moment…” “Honey you’re not the worse. Don’t even talk like that.” Karina said trying to console you. “Have you seen Niki?” “He’s honestly in worse shape than you. He looks like he’s drained of all of his energy. He’s only been around Sunoo but even then he only comes to class and afterwards he just disappears.”

“Yo y/n. Knock knock.” “Speaking of which. Hey Sunoo.” Karina said while shooting Sunoo a look of disgust. “I’m here for y/n.” Sunoo walked over to you giving you a hug. “Thanks Sunoo. So… how is he?” “Honestly… he’s a wreck. He’s been blaming himself for whatever went down between you two. He looks exhausted.” Hearing that made you feel bad. You couldn’t point fingers at anyone but yourself. “You two need to talk to one another. I hate to see you two like this.” Sunoo said before walking out the door. You nodded before telling him bye. “I honestly don’t know what to do.” You threw yourself back on the pillow before letting out a long sigh. You knew the longer you ignored the situation it would never be fixed. You wanted to make everything right but you didn’t have an answer for how to. “Whatever you decide, you’ll know in your heart it’s what you wanted. You’ll have your answer eventually.” Karina gave you one last hug before walking out the door. “Oh and by the way. Don’t make me have to come back over here. I expect to see you bright and early tomorrow. Lunch and then dinner afterwards. Got it.” “You got it.” You said before smiling.

It Was Meant To Be

The following day was pretty normal. You felt a bit better than the last few days. Your friends made sure to check in on you through out the day. You got through your classes thinking less about the situation as you went on through the day. You knew you would eventually have to deal with it, but you wanted to enjoy the relief that you were feeling even if it was just for today. After lunch you and your friends talked for a bit before leaving for the rest of the day. You spent your day mainly walking campus and listening to music occasionally. You walked until you came to a stop, taking a seat on a bench in the courtyard area of school. You sat with your music playing in your ears while gazing out at the few people you saw walking by.

“Hi y/n.”

You didn’t notice that Heesung had taken a seat next to you until you looked in his direction causing your heart to stop for a minute. “Heesung I-… hi.” For a few minutes the two of you sat in silence. You couldn’t find the words to explain your actions from the other night. You could tell he was hurting while also trying to gather the words to say something to you. “You have every right to not ever want to speak to me again.” You said breaking the ice. “I’m not upset. True enough I’m hurt but I’m not upset at you. Truth is… I kind of had a feeling for a while that eventually it would happen.” Hearing that made you cry. You tried to wipe your tears to where he wouldn’t see you crying but before you could he pulled you in giving you the most comforting hug. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay y/n.” Heesung continued to comfort you until you stopped crying.

“I love you y/n. I always will. No one will ever replace the love you gave me. You’ve given me the best moments in life I could ever ask for. I’m thankful for everything. I will always be apart of your life. Always.” You smiled as Heesung wiped the tears from your face. “I’ll never forget you Heesung. I love you.” You gave one final big hug before he got up to walk off. You knew the pain he was feeling still lingered. “You should tell him. Tell him the truth y/n. There’s nothing holding you back.” You watched as Heesung walked off. It was a bittersweet moment, that you had honestly wish didn’t happen but you knew that you would be okay and so would he.

You made your way back to your room reflecting on all that had happened today. A part of you felt happy while the other part of you felt empty. You kept thinking back to what Heesung said earlier. You knew what you had to do, but didn’t have a clue as to how to do it. You were interrupted by your phone ringing. You didn’t recognize the number but answered it anyway.

“Hello?” “Hi y/n!” You recognized that it was Ning Ning. “Ning Ning? Did you get a new phone?” “Sorry. I would’ve used mines but it’s dead. Had to borrow a friend’s. But anyways. I need you to do me a favor.” “Okay?” You said sounding a bit confused. “7:00 p.m. Meet us a-.” The phone started to break up as you tried to make out what Ning Ning was saying. “You want me to what?” “Meet up at the courtyard fountain tonight at 7.” “What for?”

“You’ll see.” “Okay I’ll see you there.” You ended the call completely confused as to why or what was so important about later tonight, but you thought less and less about it as you scrolled through your phone.

Night fall had approached as you made your way to the courtyard. As you walked you wondered what could your friends have a planned at such an odd hour on a school night. “You could’ve at least gotten dressed y/n.” You turned to see Karina and Winter walking up towards you. “Well no one told me to get dressed. Besides this is comfortable for me.” As you pointed to your long sleeve and jeans. “Come on.” Winter said while giggling. The three of you made your way to the courtyard fountain. Before you got any closer Karina and Winter threw their hands over your eyes acting as a blindfold. “Karina? Winter? What are you doing?” “Just keep walking.” Winter said as she grabbed your hand. “No seriously what the hell? You said feeling more nervous than comfortable. The three of you came to a stop. You could hear the water flowing from the fountain meaning you were pretty close. “Okay keep your eyes closed, and hold your hands out.” Karina said as she and Winter moved their hands from over your eyes. “Okay.” You said while still trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly you felt your hands being grabbed. Whoever it was the feeling was warm. It made you feel comfortable enough to smile. “Hello stranger. Not sure what my friends are doing but don’t be surprised if I jerk away.” You said while keeping your eyes closed.

“I won’t let that happen.”

You immediately opened your eyes as you recognized Niki’s voice. You hugged him as a flood of emotions came over the both of you. You had missed his touch and you could tell that he missed yours as well. “Niki I-…” “I love you y/n. It’s been you since the beginning. I been in love with you since we were kids. I hate that I wasn’t able to tell you in the beginning but I was afraid because I thought you would never see as more than your friend. Even to this day my feelings for you haven’t changed one bit. I know I’m not Heesung. I’m not perfect by any means, but all asking for is a chance.” You were over come with tears of happiness as Niki confessed his feelings for you. You were so confused in the beginning being that you had Heesung, but you knew the answer all along. It was Niki you were in love with. Even through all the uncertainty and confusion you put yourself through you knew it was Niki. Wasting no more time you wrapped your arms around Niki pulling him in kissing him.

“You don’t have to be anyone but you. I love you Niki.” The two of you embraced one another as you kissed each other again. Your friends watched from the sides happily as they saw the two of you finally together. You had never been happier. You knew this was where you wanted to be. You no longer felt the pain you felt from days earlier. You knew that this moment was yours. You two were meant for one another and you would never let go of one another. You were meant to be.

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