#system rep in team for two

[emotionally-inept-medics]

A knock was heard on the office door of Dr. Ludwig’s office. It was late in the evening, Dell had wanted to avoid the bustling activity of the base during the day. That, and plagued with his night terrors, he couldn’t sleep, and hoped that the doc was a night owl like him.

Besides, Dell needed to branch out more, talk to some folks he hadn’t seen in the past.

( @emotionally-enervated-conagher )

Ludwig flinched unconsciously, swiveling his chair to turn the door, crossing one leg over the other and hurriedly finishing up a sheet of paperwork with a deflated sigh.

"Ah, ja? It is open!" He said a little loudly, adjusting his glasses, expecting either Soldier, Anne, Tavish or all of the above, preparing himself for drunken ramblings or stupid injuries.

[savingcrxws]

EYES ON FIRE | maybe someday

[ prev chap ] [ next chap ]

synopsis. you and carmen just keep bumping into each other.

word count. 4.3k (gah damn)

warnings. language, hardly proofread again i'm sorry its an addiction

authors note. thank u guys so much for the support in these previous chapters! it’s really amazing to me that u guys enjoyed it so much! i would recommend listening to maybe someday by the cure for this chapter!

“Yeah, Sugar. The appointment is booked for Thursday, the reps will probably be coming in at like…three o’clock,” you mutter, flipping through the manila folder absolutely stuffed with documents and sticky notes. 

You pursue your lips at all you had to get done within this week alone–sign installation permit, permit to replace the hot water heater, permit to fix the ventilation systems, reapply for occupancy capacity signs because of the restaurants lack of other permits, and holy shit…

You completely forgot to schedule the follow-up appointment with the BACP consultant. 

You groan, slamming the thick folder into your forehead, the papers thwacking against your skull. Natalie sounds startled on the other end of the phone, no doubt hearing the sound on her end of the call. She questions if you’re okay, and you only respond with a gentle hum before tossing the folder back down on the office table. 

“Hey, Suge, do you think I can call you back later? I need to schedule a follow-up consultation with Raquel before another rep hops on my ass about the boiler replacement.” 

“Of course, hun, call me back whenever you can,” Sugar starts and you can hear some papers flicking in her side of the call as well.

You had managed to convince her to work from home more often, worried that all the stress from the demolition inside would affect her pregnancy and her overall wellbeing. After some back and forth, she had begrudgingly agreed to spend two days working on the project from the comfort of her own couch. 

And even though she complains still, you know she appreciates she has a little bit more time off of her feet. 

“Don’t work yourself too hard, okay, Bug?” 

You nod, even though you know she can’t see you. “Same for you, Bear.” Sugar hums once again before you both give your goodbyes and end the call. 

You expel all of the air out of your chest in a large puff as you slide down the office chair.

After signing onto Team Bear, your new home-away-from-home had been this tiny office in the back of the restaurant. For the most part, no one came in and disrupted your work, which allowed you to have your head shoved into piles of paperwork, be stuck on phone calls, and be forced to reread legal jargon for hours on end with little interruption. 

Well, as little interruption as there could be with the restaurant quite literally falling apart around you. 

Thankfully, everyone was very respectful of your work in helping the developing business. You were practically putting every ounce of knowledge that you learned from both college and the real-world experience (including connections within the industry) to help push the restaurant closer to the deadline. All the while still dealing with your other commitments to other businesses that you had prior to signing on to this project.

Staying at The Bear for eight hours a day had its benefits, though.

For example, there was always something entertaining going on in the background. Like last Tuesday, when Fak had decided to send a sledgehammer directly into the only remaining wall of the office–sending bits and pieces of drywall onto your clothes.

Another benefit of being stuck in that office chair is that you had an excuse to ignore everyone around you. And by everyone, you really mean Carmen.

After the awkward office run-in last week, the two of you hardly spoke to each other. Sure, there was the ‘hellos’ and ‘goodbyes’ that you threw to each other and the words you exchanged when you caught him up on the status of licensing, but you two had yet to have an actual conversation.

It was clear that the both of you were still walking on eggshells around each other—and everyone could see it. But you had an inkling feeling that Carmen had been wanting to say something, judging by the short glances you sometimes catch him throwing in your direction.

Kinda similar to the one that he’s giving you right now.

You feel the heat of his stare on your face before you see it. He’d been staring at you for a couple moments now, long enough for you to no longer consider it an inquisitive glance.

You peek up from the folder and make solid eye contact with Carmen through the hole in the wall. The man flushes almost immediately, the red color sinking past his collar. You purse your lips and give a small nod of acknowledgment and he stutters in his spot.

And then he’s turning away.

Like he wasn’t the one just staring at you a moment ago.

You roll your eyes and turn back to your original position in the seat. Picking the folder up again, you flick to the papers listing the requirements for the next fire suppression test.

“Men,” you mutter, before picking up your phone and making a phone call.

Three days later, the office is completely demolished and your work revolving around The Bear has been moved to a family-owned coffee shop two blocks over.

In the short span of time, all of the walls in the store had been busted down and the restaurant had practically turned into a hazardous wasteland. And since construction was too far out of your pay grade, you decided to leave the heavy lifting up to everyone else.

“Alright, permit done!” You throw your hands up in the air, your theatrics catching the attention of a couple next to you. You could hardly care for the stares, though, you had been working on getting that permit for the past four days straight. Slamming your laptop shut, you pack up your bags and head off to the cash register to buy another coffee before you go.

While you wait for your drink, you decide to scroll aimlessly through your phone to kill some time.

“Oh shit,” you hear a voice utter behind you, and you barely have time to process the word before something ice cold is running down your back. “Fuck, I’m fucking sorry, I didn’t even see you—“

You gasp on reflex, taking a step forward and shivering. The person who spilled their drink on you is stuttering out apologies. The liquid seeps into the jacket you were wearing and you pull it off immediately.

“Yo, what the fuck, dude,” you curse, watching the large stain of coffee spread even farther across your jacket. “Watch where the hell you’re walking—”

In the middle of trying to give the perpetrator a piece of your mind, you failed to recognize the familiar sound of the voice that was spewing apology out of apology. But in a second, your eyes met a recognizable set of blue and you halted your words.

In front of you stands Carmen Berzatto. In his signature colored sweater and a half-spilled cup of coffee in his hand.

And he looks petrified.

It seems he didn’t realize just who was the unlucky victim to his americano attack either until you turned around. His mouth agape, he utters out a jumbled apology, glancing back at you, your stained jacket, and the cup in his hand like his brain was still trying to understand what just happened.

“Uh-uh, fuck, sorry, I swear this wasn’t on purpose,” he rambles, placing his cup on the counter behind you and grabbing some napkins right after. He steps back towards you and shoves his hand of napkins to you. “Here, shit, I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, taking the napkins from him, noting the slight tremor that persisted in his hands as you did so. Taking in a slow breath, you close your eyes and count to ten before responding. “It’s okay, Carmen. Don’t worry about it.”

And even though you tried to maintain your peace, you can hear the annoyance seeping out of your words. Carmen glances around the counter before looking back at you and your soaked jacket. You know he probably wants to apologize some more, but honestly, one more apology might land him with a punch to the gut. 

Just as he opens his mouth, you raise your free hand, silencing him immediately. You shake your head in dismissal before taking the napkins offered to you and blotting the coffee out of the fabric of your jacket. Carmen simply stood in his place, watching you, seeing if he could do anything to redeem himself in this situation. 

However, after they called your name for your drink order, you dumped the used napkins in the trash, took your drink and hightailed it out of the café without one more word to the man. 

After the coffee shop incident, you swear that you started to see Carmen everywhere. 

You needed a quiet place to plan outside of your house so you went to one of the local libraries. Guess who’s walking outside the building?

You need a late night snack and decide to hit up the corner store. Guess who’s in the refrigerated section?

Hell, you decide to stay late at The Bear for some last minute checkups? Guess who forgot to grab a few things before leaving that night?

You swear that before you hopped on The Bear train, you never even saw a glimpse of the man. Sure, you lived relatively near the restaurant, but Chicago is fucking huge, there’s no way you would run into one of the few people that you’re trying to avoid. 

Absolutely not, apparently. 

Finally finishing up the weekly budget report and estimate for the following weeks till open, you decide to take a step away from work for a second and give your brain some time to breath. 

“Hey, Syd, if anyone needs me, I’m outside taking a smoke break, ‘kay,” you yell across the restaurant, receiving a thumbs up from her from the other side of the room. “Be back in 15!”

Reaching into your bag, you pull out a pack of cigs and a lighter before heading to the back entrance of the restaurant. You place the cigarette between your lips and head to the backdoor. Stepping out and around the alley to the designated smoke corner, you fiddle with the lighter switch, hearing the light sizzle but seeing no flames emerge. 

You groan, flicking the lighter again and again and still no lig–

“Umm, uh, you need a light?”

You scream, your heart almost skipping a beat and falling out on the concrete below you. In your alarm, both your cigarette and the lighter drop on to the ground. "Shit," you mutter and throw a glance over at whoever had scared the living shit out of you and, surprise suprise . . .

There was Carmen, standing in the alley a few feet away from the door. One leg was kicked up to rest his foot against the wall behind him and a cigarette hung loosely between his fingers. His eyes trailed across you for a second, then he glanced at the cigarette on the ground before taking another draw from his own and staring out the wall in front of him.

If you had half of the energy, you would tell him off for scaring the shit out of you and book it out of the enclosed space.

Lucky for Carmen, however, you really needed that cigarette.

Reaching back into your bag once more, you pull out another cig and walk slowly over to the man. Your steps gain his attention once again and when your eyes met you gestured to the lighter hanging out of his cooking apron.

He grabs the lighter and hands it to you. As you reach out to grab it, your fingers brush against his knuckles. Some quick thought in the back of your head wishes that that physical interaction lasted a little longer, but you're quick to shoo that away into the deep recesses of your mind.

Lighting your cigarette, you hand the lighter back to him before taking a drag. Blowing the smoke out, you slid down the wall until you could lean back into a squat against it.

The two of you just stand there, in complete silence aside from the occasional cough from an improper pull. This quiet isn't nearly as awkward as the first run-in the two of you had. Maybe it's because of the nicotine or maybe it's because continuously running into Carmen over these past days had subconsciously made you a little more comfortable with his presence.

. . .

Nah, it definitely had to be the nicotine.

You glance up at Carmen, who continues to smoke even though his stick had turned into a bud a while ago. You make note of the new tattoos that run down his arms and hands, eyes stopping at the rose flower tattoo on his left hand.

You remember when he got that one done with you at the parlor for his eighteenth birthday.

Subconsciously, you rub at the matching rose on your thigh before sighing and focusing back on your cigarette. Young, dumb decisions, you think.

Above you, Carmen watches your focus retreat back and purses his lips. In all honesty, Carmen usually never finishes a whole cigarette, but he really needed an excuse to stay out here longer with you.

These past couple of days had been tormenting him just as much as it had been you, albeit for different reasons. Everytime Carmen ran into you, whether it be in that cafe or that random grocery store that one early morning, he was plagued with memories of everything that he had fucked up.

Not just the relationship that he had fucked, but the happiness that he had stolen from the both of you.

And he had so desperately been trying to apologize, but every time you saw his face, you would get that look on your own. That dread, the anxiousness, that annoyance. That anger.

Whenever he saw that expression on your face, he would get too choked up to say anything of significance. A simple 'hey" would be all that would leave his mouth. Either that or he would stutter like he was a fucking kid again and embarrass himself in front of you like he seems to be doing constantly lately.

Carmen sighs, taking a final hit from his cigarette before stomping it out on the ground. By all previous experience, Carmen would book it out of the area by now, but something in his gut was telling him to stay this time.

Glancing down at you once more, he sees that you have taken to scrolling through your phone to kill the time. He bites the corner of his lip and decides to sit against the wall like you.

Instinctively, you toss him a questioning glance but when he didn't make any move to speak or gesture towards you, you shook your head and went back to whatever video had popped up on your feed.

Fuck it, he thought.

"I'm sorry."

You halt in the middle of your smoke, nearly coughing on the fumes but managing to swallow it. You look over at Carmen inquisitively, wondering where the hell that apology came from. The dirty blonde was wringing his hands, mouth opening and shutting as if he was trying to get the words out.

"Sorry for the, uh," he mutters, casting a quick glance in your direction to assure himself that you were listening. "Sorry for the, for uh-You know I didn't-I don't know how-"

"Yo, Carmen," you interrupt the world vomit that he was spewing, tossing your cigarette down before snuffing out the light with your shoe. You center your focus back on the man next to you, who seemed to only have you in his attention. "Just say what you want to say. No bullshit."

Your blunt words seem to ground Carmen long enough for him to gather his thoughts. He nods his head rapidly in that way he does when he's clearly overwhelmed before he clears his throat. He takes in a large inhale and clears his throat, ready to speak again.

"I want to apologize. For everything. For how much of an jackoff I was back then, and for how much I am right now," Carmen stars, eyes staring solidly into yours to show just how serious he is. "I didn't deserve you, and you did nothing to deserve the way that we ended."

You feel something burn the back of your throat at the mention of the end of your relationship. The total radio silence from him for the days prior, and just when you had managed to gather the courage to ask the question of just what the hell are we doing, Carmy, you were cast aside like nothing.

He was right, you didn’t deserve that.

Pushing back the feelings bubbling up in your chest, you nod your head to signal that you were listening.

"I-I, it's no excuse, but I was really going through some serious shit. And I really felt that if I cut everyone out of my life, I could actually get a second to breathe you know," Carmen pauses and you open your mouth to speak, but he continues. "I-I just know you deserved-you deserve better. But seeing you in this restaurant day-in and day-out, working away to help my sister, my crew--help me? I just felt even more like a piece of shit."

He turns fully towards you now and you can see his eyes turning red from the emotion he was clearly holding behind his words. "You didn't deserve what I did, and you definitely don't deserve to be cleaning up my messes now."

"You deserved the world, and I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you."

His last words send a sharp pang into your chest. Here you two sat, sitting next to each other, the distance between you two seemed to be filled with words unsaid. You stare into his eyes a little longer, at a loss for what to say completely.

On one hand, you wanted to reject his apology, tell him to fuck off and leave him alone in this alleyway. He would deserve it after everything.

But he has that familiar kicked puppy-dog look in his eyes and he's chewed his lip red, and he's actually sorry.

You sigh, leaning your head back to rest against the wall behind you. Staring up at the sky, you trace the shapes of the clouds above as you collect your thoughts.

"Yeah," you start, nodding your head to yourself. Carmen tenses up at the ambiguity behind both your words and your tone. He would have to have his own head shoved up his ass if he didn't realize that you had every right to refuse his plea for forgiveness. Frankly, that's exactly what he was expecting you to do.

"Yeah, okay. I can forgive you, Berzatto."

Carmen's heart sinks into his guts, mouth slightly agape in pure shock. "You-you can?"

You give a small smile, turning your head to face the man. "Yeah, Carmen, I accept your apology."

The dirty blonde opens his mouth again but you put a hand up in the space between you, effectively shutting him up for a second.

"But," you trail, "I'm gonna forward you that dry cleaning bill from that cafe, asshat. I've been trying to get that shit out for days now."

Carmen flushes a bright red at the mention of the coffee shop run-in you two had, a broken chuckle leaving his mouth at the obvious teasing tone in your voice. You were joking with him, for the first time in years, you two had managed to glimpse at the level of comfortability that you once shared.

Carmen chuckles again, running a hand through his curls. "Yeah, well, can I raincheck that until after the restaurant starts making money? I'm kinda flat fucking broke right now."

You giggle at the honesty behind his words. "Yeah, I ran those calculations by the way. Have fun being flat broke for at least three months after The Bear opens."

"Shit," Carmen mutters, a grin still on his face.

"Yeah, shit." You nod in his direction before pushing yourself off your crouched position on the ground. "Anyway, I'm gonna head inside to get back on that shit. Fak's fucking electric guy keeps flaking on us."

Carmen's eyes follow your form as you stand, holding eye contact with you when you glance back down at him. "Yeah, yeah, I should probably meet up with Syd for the chaos menu anyway."

He hurriedly stands up, wiping his hands on his work pants. After he finishes, he looks at you once again, noting the small smile on your face. For a second, he swears his heart skips a beat.

"For the record, Carmy," you play with the nickname on your tongue, having not said it in quite some time. Carmen flushes before nodding for you to continue. The small on your face falls for a second as you look at him. "You pull that shit with me again, I'm sicking the dogs on your ass. Seriously."

Carmen clears his throat, straightening up at the more serious tone of your voice. Although you were not nearly as angry looking at him as before, he knew that you were serious. There were no more apologies after this, no more fuckups.

You look at him expectantly, waiting for some form of acknowledgment.

He nods. "Yes, chef."

After the conversation outside The Bear, you and Carmen seemed to flow together much easier than before. Granted there was the occasional stray glance casted in your direction from the man, but overall, the two of you were on much more agreeable terms.

The rest of the crew seemed to notice the absence of uncertain tension between the two of you. You explained to Tina, Richie, and Sugar that you two had simply talked it out and were no longer on "spiteful ex" terms.

Richie, being the annoying man that he is, insisted that something else must've happened--to which you responded with a firm shoulder check and yet another middle finger.

Overall, the two of you seemed to only talk about business stuff, which made it easier for conversations to flow. Less personal, more concrete talks.

"Alright, Carmy, we got that certificate of occupancy, right?" You question, running down the legal checklist once again. When you heard no response, you asked again, only to be ignored again. Finally looking up from your screen, you glance up at the man, trying to figure out what could have possibly distracted him this time.

He's glancing, moreso glaring, down at his phone, watching it ring but making no moves to pick it up. He's spaced out almost, like he's lost in his thoughts.

You clear your throat and decide to try his name again. "Carmen!"

He shoots up a little and looks at you, muttering an apology out as he clicks his phone off and slides it into his back pocket. "What were you asking?"

"Umm, I was trying to see if you got that certificate of occupancy from Cicero mailed in," you raise an eyebrow at him. "You know, the one we need to get that other big, shiny certificate that shows that we can legal conduct business in the state of Illinois? That certificate?"

"Uhh, yeah, yeah. Mailed it in the other day, yeah."

You squint at his weird responses before shaking your head and diving back into your work. "Well, on another note, I've been speaking with a liason down at the office and he said we can have our second fire suppression test in two weeks instead of the project four."

Carmen walks up to the foldable chair you were sitting in, peering over your shoulder to look at your screen. He rests his hand against the back of your chair unconsciously and you can feel the heat of his body radiating off of him. You clear your throat and lean forward a little to get some distance between the two of you.

"Who's that going to?" The man points to an email that you are in the middle of drafting. Your eyes follow and land on the email you were writing to one of your school buddies. "Oh that? I'm just messaging one of my old classmates from college about an idea I had about our issues with that retail food license thing."

Carmen humms, peeking down at you as you explained the process you were thinking of going through. Though your eyes were stuck on the screen, clicking through different documents as you continued your explanation, Carmen's eyes were glued to your face.

To him, this all felt like some weird dream that he was having. His former high school sweetheart, sitting in his restaurant, talking all kinds of smart talk that he could barely understand, practically pressed against him. Although he didn't move over to your chair with the intent to press against you, he definitely noticed the proximity that you two shared.

Life had been a whirlwind these past weeks, but he felt that when he was near you that a lot of those anxieties he often has screaming in his head quieted down a little. He tried to chalk it up to the confidence that he had in your skills, but even though you are incredibly talented in your work, he knew that it was something more than that.

Something that he had to swallow down.

"Carmy, you motherfucker, are you even listening to me?" You call out, turning more in your chair and fixing him with an annoyed glare. Carmen swallows before nodding his head. "Ye-yeah, you have a plan to get that retail food license and alcohol seller's license at once right?"

You hum, giving him a once over again before turning in your seat. "Exactly. I think that my buddy Stephen can help us with that fire suppression test, he knows a thing or two--"

Carmen's eyes trace down your eyes, nose, and lips, noting the signature bite marks you left on your bottom one. He runs a tongue across his own before carding a hand through his hair to collect himself.

He was so fucked.

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*if ur @ is striked thru, tumblrs being a pain and not letting tag, imma keep trying tho!!

[lovingpiastri]

TRY HARD

ꪆৎ confessing to your loser best friend after years of torturous mutual pining turned out just like all the coming of age movies so unrealistically depict.

warnings: LOSER OSCAR!!!!, heavily inspired by juno mcguff & paulie bleeker, highschool au, swearing and use of y/n

the fearful football field that any outcast avoided like the plague , dodging invitations of attending late night friday games with no care to tie into the team spirit of supporting a sweaty team of gruesome brainless jocks who use two of their collectively shared braincells to form some strategy to win the game. they're neurons are simply replaced with the gallons of sickly protein powder they consume.

'bring it home', the brainwashed fans roar, disillusioned to the fact they will loose. and they loose hard.

perhaps you just found yourself in the stereotypically cliché coming of age that any other sixteen year old girl existed in whilst blood orange rang out in the background . perhaps you embodied the overly bothered adolescent that rejected the idea of the male protagonist engaging in friendships with anyone but her. that wasn't a perhaps that was an abso-fucking-lutely.

not to present you as insufferable but when the quarter back golden boy detected oscar's skill in something other than reading four hundred words per minute it shook the whole football team to the ground, crumbling a path for him to grasp that bizzarely shaped ball every practice and competitive game.

slowly but surely oscar's absence at your traditional friday night marathon of the big bang theory irked you more than you would admit.. all until you scolded him on your hamburger phone .

backtracking back to the annoyance and irritation you suffered from his sudden truanices escalated rapidly from the typical excuse of just missing your friend . afterall sharing a twin sized bed together since the age of ten when movie night over-ran was destined to have some underlying emotions laying beneath the horizon.

it all slammed you like a jam-packed bus in bio-chem last period of the day, the same lesson osc usually presented himself to the right of you. the one that tolerated your whingeing of how the science stools ached your 'grandma-back' to a pulp.

holy shit you're in love with him... HOLY SHIT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM!?!?!?

and this is where the cliché rom-com script makes its grand entrance , the ones you and osc would take the mick out of it. but now both of you would have to suffer the anguish of confessions rising above the horizon, much too frigid to talk about your feelings at all to the other. that's the price you pay, for falling for your best friends.

"piastri!" you call out , lungs deprived of oxygen after the non stop sprint you managed to pull off all the way from the science labs and across the yards of grassy terrain the football field consisted of.

"y/l/n? what are you- didn't you say- ... gosh." he didn't know where to begin, seeing you again after that vexatious phone call from a few nights ago was like a breath of fresh air and the oxygen wasn't allowing him to express his emotions through words.

"just let me talk," you step towards him , unable to make out his facial features from the enormously huge helmet that protected his noggin . the patterns of smudged eye black contoured across his cheeks didn't help either, it was a shame you weren't able to see his rosey fluster that erupted on his cheeks after minimal physical activity- calm down y/n!

"i-. . i think i'm in love with you?" you sounded out , the tone of your voice reaching a high you didn't know existed.

"you think?" his teasing tone was already making a come back, despite days of radio silence on both of yours ends. it was like not a flaw in the system occured.

"no- no i know i am !" you're voice reached a panicky rise, realising how your words sounded clear with uncertainty. certainly not how you were expected for this to roll out.

"you mean as friends?" oscar's usual mr. teasing master persona is replaced selfishly with a false hope , desperately reciting prayers in his head to make your confession be the one he's been anticipating since the beginning of freshman year. the year filled with vibrant brace brackets which he saw passed, because oscar still cherished you just the way you are. especially the moments you let him stick colourful magnets from recent vacations across the globe to your metal adorned teeth.

"no.. i mean for real . 'cause you're like the coolest person i've ever met , and you don't even have to try." this time a cheeky grin can be evident in your voice , your pearly whites shining in the spotlight as you stare directly at his face which looked more than silly carrying his well too big helmet.

"i try really hard, actually.." he says with a weak smile , beginning to pull off his tedious helmet to give you a better view of his facial expressions. "sorry- uhm can i kiss you or even a peck?" the anxiety was there, but it would all be at ease as soon as his chapped lips met with your vanilla bean lipgloss lathered ones.

"you don't need to ask osc." you immediately snatch his face down to reach your height, the palms of your hands drenching eye black but not a care in the world was present.

the kiss was tremendously sweet, your inexperienced arses were clashing teeths and tongues in the process but it couldn't be more perfect , you could've even sworn that the melodies of 'anyone else but you' by the moldy peaches were ringing out in the announcement speakers!

©lovingpiastri

[biocrafthero]

Some Queer Games and Devs to check out this Pride Month

Hello! I play a decent amount of video games, and like making posts about them. This year, I've been making a lot more posts analyzing and promoting games I particularly enjoy. I'm making this post as a way to share games that have queer developers and/or topics to celebrate this year's Pride Month.

All games' websites will be linked in their respective sections, and I urge you to check out any of the games that speak to you. There's a decent amount of variety on this list, so please give all of them a look!

Please note that all of these games are ones I have personally played--I am not including games I have not played yet for myself. If you were hoping for your favorite title to be on here, I am very sorry but chances are I just haven't heard of or played it yet.

ANATOMY (2016)

ANATOMY is a horror game released in 2016 by developer Kitty Horrorshow (she/her). While the game does not contain any queer themes, the dev is openly transgender.

The plot of the game coincides with the gameplay, which centers around walking through a nearly pitch-black house collecting tapes and putting them in a tape player. Despite its simplicity, the game has been commended by many for being "the scariest game they have ever played." The story of the house is uncovered as you listen to each of the tapes, and reentering each time the game shuts you out.

This game features themes surrounding body horror and psychological horror, and one moment that can be seen as a mild jumpscare if it is not expected.

A full playthrough takes about an hour, with multiple endings. However, all roads lead to the same destination.

ANATOMY is available for $3 USD on itch.io.

We Know The Devil (2015)

We Know The Devil is a visual novel developed by the team Worst Girls Games, which consists of Aevee Bee (she/her) and Max Schwartz (any). Music for the game is composed by Alec Lambert.

The plot of the game surrounds three teenagers who have been sent to a religious summer camp in the American midwest. With just one week left, they're all hoping for everything to be smooth sailing, but nothing is ever that simple. On this fateful night, they must face the devil; two will make it out, but one will be left behind.

The gameplay focuses on making decisions on who gets paired up together, and consequently who gets left out of the interaction. These choices determine what ending you get and there are never any wrong answers.

Queer rep in this game consists of polyamory, lesbianism, transgenderism, and transhumanism. There is also mentioned homosexuality regarding a male character that is only ever talked about in passing.

This game contains themes surrounding religion, internalized homophobia, along with general homophobia and transphobia. There are scenes that depict underage drinking, vomiting, body horror, and some moments that can be interpreted as self-harm. Some sound effects in the game can be jarring, along with the track "Incense (Smoke & Honey)" from the OST, a song that plays in three of the four endings.

A single playthrough can take about two hours depending on reading speed. There are four endings, meaning a minimum of four playthroughs.

We Know The Devil is available for $6.66 USD on Steam, Nintendo Switch, and itch.io.

There is also the demo for the game, which is free to download off of the game's itch.io page and baked into the Switch port.

Heaven Will Be Mine (2017)

Heaven Will Be Mine is a visual novel also developed by the team Worst Girls Games, with soundtrack once again composed by Alec Lambert.

The game's plot centers around three factions in the solar system. They have all been called back to Earth under threat of death; two factions want to stay in space, while one is choosing to return. At the start of the game, you can choose one out of three characters to follow the POV of, each belonging to one of the three factions.

Gameplay is similar to We Know The Devil, meaning that you make decisions throughout the story that determine what ending you get. There are no wrong choices, only ones that lean in the favor of one of the faction out of your options.

Queer rep in this game consists primarily of polyamory, lesbianism, transgenderism, and transhumanism. There may be more I am forgetting to mention.

This game contains scenes depicting violence, body horror, and discussions about sexuality, abuse, and trauma. This game is meant for a more mature audience than the others on this list. Some sound effects and music in the game can be jarring. There may be content warnings I am forgetting to put here.

The game has three major story routes and three endings, and each playthrough takes around four to five hours depending on reading speed. At minimum, you will need to play this game three times.

Heaven Will Be Mine is available for $15 USD on Steam, iOS, and itch.io. It should be noted that the price on iOS is different than on other platforms, being listed at $5 USD.

In Stars And Time (2023)

In Stars And Time is a turn-based RPG developed by insertdisc5 (she/they) and published by Armor Games Studios. Music for the game is composed by Studio Thumpy Puppy.

The story follows your typical RPG party, starting the day before the final dungeon and final boss. However, when you go in, you get caught in a trap and die. Time suddenly rewinds, and you find yourself at the day before your party entered the dungeon. You are caught in a time loop, and must find a way to stop the final boss and escape the loops.

Gameplay mostly consists of turn-based combat with enemies, and making the right dialogue choices when talking to NPCs and your party members. There are several puzzles throughout the game that encourage you to use the looping mechanic to solve them.

Queer rep in this game consists of transgenderism (transmasc and nonbinary explicitly, but there are some characters that can be interpreted as transfem, agender, and/or genderfluid), aromanticism, asexuality, lesbianism and homosexuality, and a plot thread that involves t4t romance. All six major characters have canonical pronoun sets. There may be more rep I am forgetting to include here in this list.

This game contains scenes of mild violence, self-hatred and other heavy mental heath topics, one scene of child endangerment, unreality, and optional scenes involving self-harm and suicide.

The average playtime for this game is 26 hours, which increases to 36 depending on how much optional content you engage with. There is technically one ending, but an optional plot thread can get you an alternate version of the ending screen. This plot thread is highly encouraged to be followed.

In Stars And Time is available for $20 USD on Steam, itch.io, Nintendo Switch, and PS4 and PS5.

There is also a previous title titled START AGAIN: a prologue, which is available on Steam and itch.io. This game does not need to be played to understand In Stars And Time, but is highly recommended nonetheless.

Some personal anecdotes regarding each of these games:

In Stars And Time is one of the few games where I saw a character (Siffrin in this case), pointed at them, and said "They're just like me!"

We Know The Devil and Heaven Will Be Mine both have themes of queer solidarity in the face of oppression and it fills me with rebellious rage (positive).

ANATOMY is one of my favorite games ever made, and is objectively the scariest game I have ever played.

Almost all of these games have made me almost cry, which is a very high bar for a game to reach. The only one that didn't is ANATOMY, mostly because it evokes more fear than it does tears for me.

We Know The Devil in particular evokes a very specific nostalgia for me, so the setting and characters hit differently for me than they may for others.

I played In Stars And Time shortly after a breakup and consequently developed the most horrific crush on the character Isabeau. It is frankly quite embarrassing.

[fullyfazed]

I keep thinking about the possibilities for the next* life series so now you all get to be subjected to my thoughts.

*not confirmed yet, just based on hope and an implied future for the series

Like I said in my other post I would LOVE for there to be a large snow biome on the map, but that got me thinking about other biomes and land features which have been under-repped in seasons past.

So I made a topographical map. Of course.

The big feature would be the stony peaks which would surround spawn (located on an island in a lake). The mountains could be used as a wall for those living inside, a lookout point for anyone living on it, and it would serve as a natural terrain challenge when it came to brawls and inter-faction attacks.

The other large geological feature would be the cavern/ravine. Another feature which could work as a base and/or difficult terrain, but could also be a good entry point for mines and the deep dark.

As for the biomes themselves I think it would be cool to use them not only because they haven't really shown up yet, but because of the aesthetics, dynamics, and building styles associated with them would be so fun to see in a season (plus the fanart would be sick)

These are just some examples but it could be interesting if there was a tree house village in the jungle, a secure winter base in the mountains, or maybe even an apocalyptic wasteland in the badlands. Obviously there are tons of other variations of bases that could be built in these areas, but these were the first that came to mind.

But Fazed, you cry, what will the gimmick be?

Well I'm so glad you asked because I have two main ideas, both of which involve an aspect of randomness. They'd be built off the original 3rd life system, so keep that in mind :)

The first idea is that every session, there's a random server-wide event. The event could be anything, like every player turns invisible, a random green turns red for the session, or a tornado shows up. Something that will bring an aspect of chaos to the server as a whole, and could potentially increase in dangerousness as the series progresses. There would only be one event per session, and there would be no way to predict what it will be, so they'd have to be handled in a similar way that the secrets are handled in Secret Life.

The second idea steams from double life, but instead of 2 players being connected, the server is split into teams, each with 3-6 players. Teams are randomized at the start of the series, and players switch teams (also randomized) when they die. So there's a real chance that someone could be caught in a trap and then forced to join their killers teams. Health wouldn't be linked for obvious reasons, but I think there could be potential in having shared status effects, inventories, or team synergy bonuses (couple seconds of resistance if your whole team is together, strength boost when all members attack one enemy, regen when eating together, things like that).

Personally I could see both of these ideas working in tandem but I understand how that could be overwhelming when it comes to the creation and execution of the series, so seeing them on their own should also work.

That's about it, I don't really have a good name for this yet but if you like any of the ideas in here please consider adopting them into your psyche.

[rorywritessmut]

Sparks in the Workplace

Ikeda Jun wants nothing more than to graduate college and leave her job as Dynamight’s PR Rep. After one fateful interview, she’s left pretending to be his lover.

Based on my Kinktober Prompt “Hate Fucking”

I didn’t want this job. I wanted to go to school and work in a simple office. I live in a world dominated by heroes and villains. Which is why I needed to jump through some hoops to get the dream job I wanted. Until then, I would have to suffer being the official PR Representative for the most explosive hero in the industry, Dynamight.

My interview was simple and I was offered the job of the spot based on my quirk, Gentle Touch. My quirk is the ability to calm anyone’s psycho-sympathetic nervous system with a simple touch. Of course, I had my limitations such as it worked only if I was touching them the whole time and it only worked for 30 minutes per use on each person. They knew that my quirk would be a good look working the infamous Explosion Murder God, Bakugou Katsuki.

Simple to say, I hated him from the moment I started working with him. I quickly found out that my quirk works especially well on him and it pissed him off. So, he tried his best to make my life a living hell.

“Hey, ponytail!” Bakugou yells at me from his office. I look up from my computer to see him crook a finger in my direction, summoning me to his office. Usually he sends out his assistant to fetch me.

“Yes, sir!” I quickly stand and bow.

I found that calling him sir and other terms used for old men made him mad. While he is technically my senior, based on him being 5 years older, he didn’t take lightly to being called old. Oh man, the time I called him uncle lingered around in my head.

“Don’t smirk, Ponytail, you’re creepy.” He sneers at me.

“Okay, Senpai.” I teased, watching the fire light in his eyes. I could immediately smell the threat of nitroglycerin seeping from his palms. He knew I would use my quirk on him and that was enough to keep the explosions at bay. It also royally pissed him off.

“Quit it.” He growled out and slammed the door behind me.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your attention?”

“Cut the shit, Ikeda.”

“So you do know my name.” I teased and leaned towards him from across the desk covered in papers.

“I should fire you” Bakugou crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at you. I’m used to these threats, his team wouldn’t allow it.

“Try it” I bite back.

“We have another interview tomorrow. Some hero podcast is interviewing that dammed Deku and I.” Of course they wanted Midoriya and Bakugou in the same room, they were known enemies turned best friends who fought all the time.

“What is the podcast name so I can do research?”

“The Talented Others.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! That has to be one of the most disrespectful gossip channels they could find.” The Talented Others honestly, hated heroes. They hated the idea that with 98% of the population having quirks nobody should be special but heroes where. They believed that heroes were nothing more than overpaid TV Show actors.

“Believe me when I say I almost blew up the place.” Bakugou picked at his nails like he was impressed with his actions, I rolled my eyes at his behavior.

“Okay, so we need a game plan as to what we’re going to say and do. Do you have a print out of the questions?” I tried to remain professional with Bakugou at all times, but pissing him off was incredibly fun.

“Nope but you can handle all those hard questions.” His caramine eyes meet mine and I feel stuck in my seat for a second, gaping like a fish. This causes the brat to smirk at my actions. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Shut it,” I growl, “I can’t handle everything for you. You have to be a big boy at some point.” It’s my turn to smirk at him.

“Get back to work” He barks, I salute to him with two fingers and walk out the door.

I’m counting the minutes until 5 when I can get out of here. I’m constantly checking my phone because I have a date with Takeuchi Kazuo from accounting. With us being in separate departments there was no problem with us dating and there was no need to have someone sign an NDA as we both signed one when we started here.

Takeuchi is a sweet guy with bright eyes and dark hair that sits against his pale skin. He was my first ally here in the office since Bakugou had a bad habit of turning everyone against me. He wanted me to quit. Takeuchi encouraged me to stay here and keep working since it would be good for my future. When I told him I was taking night classes at the university to become a therapist he was ecstatic to meet someone who held their future in such high regards.

I was so excited to go on a date with him.

Takeuchi-san

We still on for tonight?

Ikeda Jun

Yup! I can’t wait for this date.

Takeuchi-san

(:

“What’re you smiling at, twerp?” A voice whispers next to my ear. I squeak and drop my phone, it goes clattering on my desk. I curse and turn to find Bakugou leaning over me in his hero uniform.

He was back early from patrol.

“Nothing,” I hissed.

“You’re giggling like a schoolgirl.” He deadpans.

“I have a date with a guy in the firm.” You rolled your shoulder back and met his narrowed gaze.

“Hmph.” Is all Bakugou says as he walks away from you and into the elevator. You shrug off the weird encounter and continue with your work.

5 comes and goes and you leave to get ready for the date. The walk to your apartment isn’t a long one so you’re home and ready within an hour. You decide to put on a little more makeup and dress in a warm brown sweater, a black velvet skirt, and leggings with black flats. You do your hair in a cuter style.

Then you’re off!

You get the ramen shop after changing trains a couple of times and walking a significant distance. You’re early by 5 minutes to your agreed time, 7:30. So, you go ahead and find a seat with a good view of the door so you can spot Takeuchi when he comes inside.

He never does. Around 8 I order food and send him a text. I finish by 9 and text him again. Yet, I never hear another word for him. I’m fighting back tears because he was so nice, so thoughtful. He had bought me flowers and coffee just a few days before. He had texted me earlier to make sure we were still on. By 9:30 I was a sobbing mess in the bathroom. That’s when I felt my phone buzz.

Takeuchi-san

Sorry. Rain check

I don’t respond because if I do, I will cuss at him. I want him to still see me as a respectful girl, so I leave him on read. He couldn’t be bothered with responding to me so I wouldn’t respond to him.

I pay for my food and leave the restaurant. I take the trains back home and walk straight pass my apartment. If I’m going to get blown off, I might as well get laid at the bar! There is one just a block from the hero agency. So, I go there. It’s a bit of a hole in the wall but it’s nice enough that I trust the people there.

The bar is cozy, dark, and has an easy going atmosphere. I decide to go inside and fuck the first guy who hits on me. I’m desperate at this point considering Takeuchi stole my heart and broke it, the mother fucker. Honestly, it doesn’ take long for a man to come and offer a drink.

“Hey, want a drink?” He’s cute, like an American movie star.

“From you? Sure.” I purr.

I let him order a girly fruity drink for me and we talk for a while. He’s a great conversationalist and everything is going exactly to my plan. I know if I act just dumb enough he’ll invite me to his place and I can end this dry spell. However, at one point he acts terrified and hurriedly excuses himself to the bathroom and never comes back.

Fuck.

I down my drink and head to the tiny dancefloor and dance my little broken heart out. I throw my hands up in the air and gyrate my hips to the beat of the music. I feel a hand snake around my waist and pull me against their hips. Whoever is dancing with me has the moves because they’re now guiding my movements against them. I tried to turn to see the person who has grabbed me but they quickly turn my head away from them.

“Keep dancing, pretty girl.” An oddly familiar gruff voice commands me. The use of “pretty girl” has warmth pooling between my thighs.

“I want to see who scared off my date”

“Someone better.” There is a cocky sound to his voice. Something eerily familiar.

I decide I’m too drunk to care about who is behind me and enjoy their roaming hands and flowing drinks. Who ever this is really wants me to forget tonight because they’re constantly letting me down these drinks.

At some point I wake up in my bed in my pajamas, with no ache between my legs. My mystery man must be a gentleman because he sure didn’t fuck me. I roll over to look at a beautifully written note.

You deserve better than those loser men, I’ll see you soon, pretty girl.

Creepy, but cute. I look at the clock and decide it’s time to go face my boss with the worst hangover of my life and protect him from those loser podcast whores.

[guckies]

I could be talking utter nonsense but I feel like a reason blue’s wins are never praised or celebrated by others is because everyone else is fighting with honour and frankly blue’s loud actions aren’t honourable.

First Win they were violent the entire day, killing other which caused a big rift between them and Red because they were ended up just killing people with nothing.

Second Win they got most points by spawn killing Jaiden which although jaiden entertain. Red didn’t really like nor did green despite elquackity doing it but he is an outlier and imposter so shouldn’t be counted.

Third Win two team members didn’t listen to their elected leader which harmed their rep (even if they don’t believe in the leading system proposed) and possibly doomed their friends.

[duckprintspress]

10 Books for Pansexual and Panromantic Visibility Day!

May 24th is Pansexual and Panromantic Visibility Day, so make sure to say hi to your pan friends before they’re invisible again! We’re celebrating with (shock) book recommendations! Explicit pan rep is hard to come by, and in cases where it’s implied, the difference between interpreting a characters as bi versus pan is often down to personal perceptions of the character and the sexuality/romanticisms in questions. With that in mind, we present 10 titles we loved with either explicit or implied pan rep! The contributors to this list are: Nina Waters, Tris Lawrence, boneturtle, E. C., and two anonymous contributors

All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries series) by Martha Wells

“As a heartless killing machine, I was a complete failure.”

In a corporate-dominated spacefaring future, planetary missions must be approved and supplied by the Company. Exploratory teams are accompanied by Company-supplied security androids, for their own safety.

But in a society where contracts are awarded to the lowest bidder, safety isn’t a primary concern.

On a distant planet, a team of scientists are conducting surface tests, shadowed by their Company-supplied ‘droid—a self-aware SecUnit that has hacked its own governor module, and refers to itself (though never out loud) as “Murderbot.” Scornful of humans, all it really wants is to be left alone long enough to figure out who it is.

But when a neighboring mission goes dark, it’s up to the scientists and their Murderbot to get to the truth.

A Fisherman of the Inland Sea by Ursula K. Le Guin

The award-winning stories in A Fisherman of the Inland Sea range from the everyday to the outer limits of experience, where the quantum uncertainties of space and time are resolved only in the depths of the human heart. Astonishing in their diversity and power, they exhibit both the artistry of a major writer at the height of her powers and the humanity of a mature artist confronting the world with her gift of wonder still intact.

Commit to the Kick by Tris Lawrence

For eighteen years, Alaric has lived under the cloying politics of family and his Clan community. His freshman year is supposed to be a chance to explore a world where Clan and his shapeshifting Talent isn’t central to his life. But when his inner bear bursts forth during his first football game, endangering those around him, Alaric realizes that it’s not so easy to ignore his past, or his own internalized anger.

In his quest for anger management, Alaric begins to train in taekwondo, and makes new friends in both sports. He finds that he is creating his own small community, where Clan, Mages, other Talents, and even humans come together and build their own found family.

When Alaric receives news that something has happened to his brother Orson, he must return and deal with his Clan and his place in their world. He discovers that old prejudices are still strong between Clan and Mage communities, but that both may be in danger from a creature long thought to be only a legend. Alaric must figure out how to move forward and prevent a war and protect both his home and newly built communities, his found family with him every step of the way. 

Count Your Lucky Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur

Margot Cooper doesn’t do relationships. She tried and it blew up in her face, so she’ll stick with casual hookups, thank you very much. But now her entire crew has found “the one” and she’s beginning tofeel like a fifth wheel. And then fate (the heartless bitch) intervenes. While touring a wedding venue with her engaged friends, Margot comes face-to-face with Olivia Grant—her childhood friend, her first love, her first… well, everything. It’s been ten years, but the moment they lock eyes, Margot’s cold, dead heart thumps in her chest.

Olivia must be hallucinating. In the decade since she last saw Margot, her life hasn’t gone exactly as planned. At almost thirty, she’s been married… and divorced. However, a wedding planner job in Seattle means a fresh start and a chance to follow her dreams. Never in a million years did she expect her important new client’s Best Woman would be the one that got away.

When a series of unfortunate events leaves Olivia without a place to stay, Margot offers up her spare room because she’s a Very Good Person. Obviously. It has nothing to do with the fact that Olivia is as beautiful as ever and the sparks between them still make Margot tingle. As they spend time in close quarters, Margot starts to question her no-strings stance. Olivia is everything she’s ever wanted, but Margot let her in once and it ended in disaster. Will history repeat itself or should she count her lucky stars that she gets a second chance with her first love? 

Maneater (Monsters of Moonvale series) by Emily Antoinette

If something ever seems too good to be true, it probably is. That’s how the “friendly” invitation to join a new coven turned into a surprise demon summoning. At least it wasn’t a virgin sacrifice. Then I really would have been screwed—and not in the way they plan for with the succubus they’ve bound. 

When I help free her from the bindings and offer her a ride back to work, things get even weirder. She tells me she wants to see me again. This captivating woman wants to see me—a nerdy witch who spends his free time playing D&D. 

There’s no way she means it. Because that’s definitely too good to be true. Still, there’s no way I can resist the opportunity to spend more time with a goddess like her. 

There’s Magic Between Us by Jillian Maria

A diehard city girl, 16-year-old Lydia Barnes is reluctant to spend a week in her grandma’s small town. But hidden beneath Fairbrooke’s exterior of shoddy diners and empty farms, there’s a forest that calls to her. In it, she meets Eden: blunt, focused, and fascinating. She claims to be hunting fae treasure, and while Lydia laughs it off at first, it quickly becomes obvious that Eden’s not joking-magic is real.

Lydia joins the treasure hunt, thrilled by all the things it offers her. Things like endless places in the forest to explore and a friendship with Eden that threatens to blossom into something more. But even as she throws herself into her new adventure, some questions linger. Why did her mom keep magic a secret? Why do most of the townspeople act like the forest is evil? It seems that, as much as Lydia would like to pretend otherwise, not everything in Fairbrooke is as bright and easy as a new crush…

Fire and Flight (ElfQuest series) by Wendy and Richard Pini

The forest-dwelling elves called the Wolfriders are burnt out of their ancestral home by vengeful humans. Betrayed by cowardly trolls, the elfin band, led by Cutter, Blood of Ten Chiefs, must cross the Burning Waste to find a haven they’ve never seen before. Can the Wolfriders survive? If they do, what surprises await them at Sorrow’s End?

Fledgling by Octavia E. Butler

This is the story of an apparently young, amnesiac girl whose alarmingly unhuman needs and abilities lead her to a startling conclusion: She is in fact a genetically modified, 53-year-old vampire. Forced to discover what she can about her stolen former life, she must at the same time learn who wanted-and still wants-to destroy her and those she cares for and how she can save herself.

Final Draft by Riley Redgate

Laila Piedra doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and definitely doesn’t sneak into the 21-and-over clubs on the Lower East Side. The only sort of risk Laila enjoys is the peril she writes for the characters in her stories: epic sci-fi worlds full of quests, forbidden love, and robots. Her creative writing teacher has always told her she has a special talent. But three months before graduation, Laila’s number one fan is replaced by Nadiya Nazarenko, a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist who sees nothing at all special about Laila’s writing.

A growing obsession with gaining Nazarenko’s approval–and fixing her first-ever failing grade–leads to a series of unexpected adventures. Soon Laila is discovering the psychedelic highs and perilous lows of nightlife, and the beauty of temporary flings and ambiguity. But with her sanity and happiness on the line, Laila must figure out if enduring the unendurable really is the only way to greatness.

Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp

Best friends Corey and Kyra were inseparable in their tiny snow-covered town of Lost Creek, Alaska. But as Kyra starts to struggle with her bipolar disorder, Corey’s family moves away. Worried about what might happen in her absence, Corey makes Kyra promise that she’ll stay strong during the long, dark winter.

Then, just days before Corey is to visit, Kyra dies. Corey is devastated–and confused, because Kyra said she wouldn’t hurt herself. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones, saying Kyra’s death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she’s a stranger.

The further Corey investigates–and the more questions she asks–the greater her suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets–chilling secrets. Can she piece together the truth about Kyra’s death and survive her visit?

You can also view this list on the shelf on our Goodreads, or visit Bookshop.org and check out this list in our affiliate shop! Note: due to the difficulty of differentiating a pan characters versus a bi character unless which they are is explicitly identified in canon, we have put bi and pan characters on joint lists – so these lists linked are bisexual and/or pansexual character lists.

What are your favorite books with pansexual and panromantic characters?

[annabelle-creart]

So...

...

Let's talk about the rest of my Au's

I told you about dinobot Boulder from SG a.k.a Torture Bots and Sol Prime (Heatwave) from Rescue Prime Au (one of my fav impossible ships), but I want to talk about the rest of the aus

Torture Bots (Shattered Glass)

Like the normal Shattered Glass, but the team weren't rescuers.

All started when Chase, a police autobot with a sense of law as strong as his empathy (he's a sociopath) and Heatwave, a firetruck decepticon obsessed with Chase and with clandestine fights, decided to steal a sigma, one of rescue bots exploration ships, by accident they brought to Earth with them a dinobot because they knew how to pilot the ship (Boulder) and an idiot with memory gap and a great strength (it was a terrorcon but didn't knew) (Blades).

They end up on Earth by accident but decide to stay because the decepticon vs autobot shit didn't reach them up

Hightide and Quickshadow were two of the many bots who were sended to mute the four fugitives, but by themselves and with the Burnses help, could stopped them all before getting into more trouble, even when they discovered a ship with two sleepy passangers, Blurr, a fast but shy try of a racer and Salvage, big, strong and brute as a wrecker, kept them anyway. Sissi's still with autobots.

Maybe the Burnses (except Cody) are not the best people on Earth but the bots cared a lot about Charlie when he was a kid, Charlie wanted to do the same for them

Dungeons and Dragons

With a mediaval but steampunk view and Middle Earth vibes in this weird planet with TONS of magic: Boulder and Graham, wizards, but at what coast, had to make a travel across the Earth to get a great magic, but can't do it alone:

Charlie, the chief Sherrif of Griffin Rock, a portuary island full of the best technology and merchandise companies of all Earth, and father of Graham, decided to keep them company and help them on their mission, leaving the island with his daughter and son, Dani, a great swordswoman and Kade, a barbarian, and with Charlie's best partner at work: Chase, one of the few transformers who landed on Earth after the civil war and sherrif bot just like Boulder.

After some missions the group became bigger, adding Heatwave, an ex mercenarie of the Wavey triplet, Blades, a bard with a bad voice but good hand at instruments, Blurr and Salvage, a pair of thieves who wanted to learn magic and Sissi, Heatwave's niece and great at magic and combat.

The travel will be long, and the lessons hard to take, but the team will serve, save and protect the ones who needed, while Boulder and Graham reach their dream of become Magus Primes.

As a fun fact: the bots don't transform into Vehicules like the normal ones, they transform into dinosaurs, so, yeah, all Transformers are dinobots.

Rescue Prime

Heatwave was only doing his job at an emergency on Iacon, but cause of that, he became a the leader of a revolution and a Prime. Definitely not his best day but the people needed someone, the war needed a leader, his brothers needed an older sibling, and he needs to end the horrible system that hurted him so much before and now.

Sol Prime is on town, even if the Autobot Commander Boulder and the Decepticon leaders Megatron and Optimus Pax don't like it.

Soundwave and Shockwave left the decepticons a lot ago to became a part of Sol Prime's new team, with Chase, Blades, Hence, Bridget and company, the rest of Sigmas and Rescue Bots and the predacons. All became part of the Sol Prime's resistance.

While the Wreckers and Cybertron forcers are with the autobots.

Dinobots, and seekers are with Decepticons

But something is sure: this is a war that Heatwave never wanted to battle, he's not a soldier, he's a rescuer, like all his teammates, is not fair for them to fight like this, and of they're doing is because Cybertron don't need rescuers, it needs saviors.

This is a war of three, just like the war between Primus, Unicron and The Fallen, who wanted the power to change. What a pity for story to repeat in such a way

Sometimes they go to Earth for provision

But they will never let the rest to reach Earth, only with their dead bodies

Swap Team

Heatwave changes with Optimus Prime (so, Orion Pax is the rescue team leader on Griffin Rock while Heatwave is Sol Prime, leader of autobots. Orion is kind, shy and anxious but do his best to keep the team together, Sol is a great Prime, but as one he had passed through more a bot can deserve)

The same like on the original show and aliegned continuity... wait, this is not the same people, they changed places!

Chase changes with Quickshadow (Chase is an autobot spy and Quickshadow is the a simple police bot. She is a great police bot, and to chase people is fun, Chase's work is not fun)

Blades changes with Bumblebee (while Bee is an hyperactive medbot, Blades is a talentous and non talking scout, better for both, Bumblebee likes to fly and do great stunts, Blades is more of a ground warrior, excepth when people is about to die...)

Boulder changes with Hightide (while Boulder fought side by side with Sol Prime, Hightide stayed with Orion at the sigma. Boulder is one of the kindest bots at Sol's side, but is a kill machine on battle as a soldier needs to be, on land and on sea, Hightide never saw any of that, he's more of an engineer who likes to listen the waves)

Blurr changes with Salvage (Blurr is a kind sparked racer and inventor while Salvage is a rebel who likes attention too much. The normal is to see Blurr sit down on a quiet place with pop music and fixing some metal garbage meanwhile Salvage's kicking a metal pile because Orion yelled at him again)

Charlie stayed the same (I like him like he is, and he's the pilar of the series, if he changes, the rest would be hard to deal, but this time is with Quickshadow, both have their problems but she is a great partner and so does he)

Graham changes with Dani (now Dani is geek AND nerdy, and due to that, is hard to deal with an old grumpy man like Hightide, while Graham is a great pilot, best at math and best hands on town, just as the best smile, unfortunately for him, Bee likes to take too much risk at flying. He's the security guy, Dani is the "I'll talk with Hightide so he can help me do this crazy thing I want to do")

Cody changes with Kade (like the big brother Cody is best, but as a partner of such a scaredy cat like Orion is the worst, no matter how much he tries, Orion listen to protocol instead of listen to Cody. Kade is a crazy kid who just like cars, if it wasn't because he wanted a friend so much, the bots wouldn't stay long, and yes, Kade's a lonely kid, nobody likes the fact he likes beetles and worms)

Doc Greene changes with Morrocco (yes, people, Morrocco is a good guy, too curious for his own good and too lonely to grow up like a normal person, he had been alive a while and his only friend was Charlie, the only one who knows his secret; but Doc Greene is everything but Green, is mischivious, always with big and dangerous ideas and only cares about his tech, and his daughter)

Frankie changes with Priscilla (Frankie is more mischivious and more smart than Priscilla, as Greene's daughter, but is also a lonely girl, to be the daughter of a bad man who travels a lot makes hard to do friends. Maybe Priscilla is not as smart as Frankie but is curious and have an eye for wonder, and her charisma also is a great hability to easily have friends)

Madeline changes with Ana (Madeline is a great scientist, and yes, likes money, but is capable of keep a secret and loves more her daughter Priscilla, prefering to have a quiet life living at her submarine house, meanwhile, Baranova made her money on her scientist skills but more on her empresarial skills, that's why she made team with Greene in first place. Madeline and Morrocco are great friends, Ana and Ezra Greene are not)

Sissi changes with Servo (all teams need their fixers, that why Sissi is Boulder's best friend in her capybara form, she's capable of become any kind of tool Boulder needs. Servo is a human-kid-like bot and is as hyperactive as Kade, best friends, Servo can transform into a dog and into a drone, but his hands can become any tool you'll need)

Humanfomers: Kingdom of Light

Once upon a time, a king of old age who lost his sons and daughters on battle didn't have a heir, he was incapable of let his dear kingdom, great at magic and techonology and winner of the war he had to stopped by his own hand, to the sons and daughters of his council who died on duty, all inexperts and useless, so, he asked a witch about his future, and asked who he had to let his throne, the witch led the man to an orphanage, where a triplet lived, three kids of the same age and the same blood but different brains, a tiny but brave one, with the heart of a knight and the mind of a strategist; a big but shy one, with the voice of a turtle and the hand of a god; and the normal but anormal, with the eyes of a predator and the imagination of an eternal kid. 'The three are perfect,' thought the king, 'and the three will share my throne, my possesions, and my knowledge, the three will be my new sons, and in three, like Sun, Moon and Star will share the Astral kingdom, my kingdom of Light...'

Hector (Heatwave), Santiago (Soundwave) and Shelwin (Shockwave) were three kids, adopted by a king to became princes and then kings. As orphans and graceless they had a hard life with the King's Council but later gained they're position as kings the day their dear father became one with the stars. The three of them are kings at the same time but directed different things, Hector is on charge of military operations and forces, Santiago deals with magic and tech regulations and administrations, Shelwin cares about money and culture, the three of them had made a great job evading the stupid council's indirect attacks and dealed to take the kingdom to a better future.

Compared to the others, I created this Au to be some kind of Slice-of-Life with Reign, Ehrengard and Pride and Prejudice's vibes with fairies, pixies, kingdoms and a cool magic system so nothing on this have sense or relates to real King's things, is just the Wave triplet fighting like siblings while having lifes with their fellows and kids while trying to deal with work like functional adults JAKSJSJ, but as a resume of the family tree:

Hector (human, king, homoromantic) is married with Boulder (earth fairy, queen, transmasc and homosexual), their biological kids are Elizabeth 'Sissi' (earth elf, princess, ???), Horace 'Hotshot' (earth elf, prince second in line, ???) And Samuel 'Soil' (earth elf, prince third in line, ???). Their adoptive sons are Winfred 'Wedge' (human, Hector's squire, ???) And Salvage (earth fairy, Boulder's biological son, magus apprentice, aroace).

Santiago (human, king, bisexual) is married with Madeline (human, queen, straight), their biological kids are Rita/Rumble (human, princess, Fran's twin) and Fran/Frenzy (human, prince second in line, Rita's twin). Madeline's biological daugther and Santiago's adoptive daughter is Priscilla (human, Sissi's damsel and administrator apprentice)

Shelwin (human, king, homosexual) is married with Hizel 'Hightide' (water elf, commander, homosexual), his first marriage, and Serina (human, knight, pansexual) his second marriage [of convenience]. Shelwin has a triplet of baby daughters with Serina: Agatha, Veronica and Serina Junior (humans, princesses)

The rest are part of the cast but not part of the family itself, as I said, is a slice of life so it can be sometimes a comedy like Friends, so, yes, it's pretty stupid, but cause of it, it's my favorite Au by far

[emotionally-inept-medics]

“Hey!! Doc, ya in here? Ah heard ya got this damn animal virus too. Helloooo?” Dell calls out as he steps into the labs, poking around. He hummed in though before eyeing the office door next, tail flicking.

“Hm, maybe he’s workin’ on paperwork-“

@emotionally-enervated-conagher

Ludwig was trying to be as quiet as possible, his heart beating so fast he was sure if Dell entered he'd be able to hear it with his feline senses, just praying he didn't come in...

Just the idea of those claws... Those teeth!!! They sent his mind spiraling downward into a frenzy.

He covered his mouth with his taloned hands, feathers standing on end. He could sense Dell near.

[profiterole-reads]

2023 Favourites

In no particular order. This is content I've read and watched in 2023, not necessarily content released in 2023.

Books

1. Notorious Sorcerer by Davinia Evans: fantasy with some m/m. The protagonist travels to other planes for alchemical ingredients and ends up having to learn greater workings. I love the Byzantine vibe of the worldbuilding.

2. The Daughters of Izdihar by Hadeer Elsbai: fantasy with some f/f. Two women, a waterweaver and an earthweaver, join a women's rights movement. I love the Egyptian-inspired worldbuilding.

3. Reforged by Seth Haddon: m/m fantasy. This King/Paladin novel has a surprising plot. The magic system is very original as well, I especially like the music part of it.

4. The Buried and the Bound by Rochelle Hassan: urban fantasy with some m/m (YA). The hedgewitch protecting the town teams up with a boy cursed to forget his true love and another one trapped as a bondservant.

5. [Spanish] Lazos de Sangre by LR Jeffers: m/m urban fantasy (erotica). This is a series about werewolves and big cat shifters, usually angsty and hot.

6. [French] Meute by Karine Rennberg: urban fantasy with some m/m + another protagonist is aroace and uses sign language. This is a novel about building your own werewolf pack. I think this is my first time encountering 2nd-person narration in French and it works surprisingly well.

7. Cascade by Rachel A. Rosen: science fantasy with mlm and wlw protagonists + no romance. An ecological disaster has freed magic. In Canada, the Party works with a wizard in order to try and save humanity. I love the intricacies of the plot, which skilfully mixes politics, science and magic.

8. Ocean's Echo by Everina Maxwell: m/m science fiction. Telepathy, my favourite trope, done by one of my fave authors! It was even better than I expected.

9. The Deep Sky by Yume Kitasei: science fiction/murder mystery with several non-binary major characters. 80 people from all around the world embark on a one-way interstellar voyage. As they're all required to get pregnant, they're obviously afab, but several are non-binary, with mentions of a trans man.

10. Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick: f/f romance (YA). This is a very romantic novel about two girls dating in secret until one gets amnesia. I enjoy this trope a lot.

TV shows

1. Good Omens: fantasy with queer protagonists + some f/f. I love the book and I love the adaptation. Season 2 is original content, but it's faithful to the spirit of the novel.

2. Shadow and Bone: fantasy with some m/m (YA). This successfully mixes the Shadow and Bone trilogy (that I haven't read) and the Six of Crows duology (that I have read and enjoyed).

3. Warrior Nun: fantasy with some f/f. Nuns literally fight against demons.

4. The Power: superpower fiction with some f/f + a trans woman and an intersex man. Teenage girls start developing an electrical superpower, which makes them safer from men.

5. Nü Er Hong: GL wuxia. This c-drama is a quick watch, with 27 episodes of 2 minutes. I love that these short webdramas always have more or less the same actresses.

6. The Devil Judge: dystopia/thriller with BL vibes. This k-drama has a tight plot and fascinating characters. There's a girl in a wheelchair and the rep is well done.

7. Naughty Babe: BL romance/murder (attempt) mystery. This Thai drama is the sequel to Cutie Pie, except that they switched up the main pairing and the secondary pairing. I think it's possible to watch it on its own.

8. Wedding Plan: BL + GL romcom. This Thai drama has mlm-wlw solidarity, which I hope to see more of in the future. There are also cameos from the BL couples from Love in the Air.

9. Oh! My Assistant: BL romcom. This hilarious k-drama is about a het porn webtoon creator and his assistant. Despite this topic, the drama is not explicit.

10. Welcome to the Lesbian Bar: GL contemporary fiction. This k-drama is a quick watch, with 5 episodes of 6 minutes. In each episode, 2 customers come have a drink and chat with the owner.

Movies

1. Barbie: fantasy that is so gender! This was such a big surprise coming from Hollywood.

2. Nimona: fantasy with a protagonist who is a trans/enby allegory + some m/m (YA). I haven't read the graphic novel, so this was more depressing than I expected (it deals a lot with discrimination), but still an excellent movie.

3. Wingwomen (Voleuses in the original French): action movie with a sapphic protagonist + f/f vibes between the other two. I love heist movies all about women.

4. Kill Bok-soon: action movie with some f/f. This Korean movie has interesting cinematography. Note that it's very violent, though.

5. Red, White & Royal Blue: m/m romcom. I love the book and I love the adaptation.

6. Anything's Possible: m/f romance with a trans female protagonist (YA). This is a very positive movie, about love, art and nature.

7. Fanfic: m/m romance with a trans male protagonist (YA). This Polish movie is sometimes dark, sometimes fun.

[literaticat]

How does Barnes & Noble allocate shelf space and choose books to put on display? Do publishers pay to have their books in Barnes & Noble stores? Do they pay to have their books displayed in prominent spots? What about independent bookstores? How do bookstores and libraries find out about upcoming books to order? Thanks!

Oy. This could be the topic of like, a nonfiction book (for a very niche audience), or a college seminar, rather than a TUMBLR POST, but hey.

First, a caveat: Please do bear in mind that, while I have 35 years of bookstore experience, I don't work for B&N or have any insider access to B&N; all my knowledge about B&N comes from easily available, non-paywalled reportage that can be found by anyone online. I have never worked for a library except as a board member, so I have zero insider library collections knowledge. I also was a bookstore buyer a decade ago at this point, so some things might have changed -- and I worked for an independent bookstore (key word is INDEPENDENT -- ie, different indies may have totally different ways of doing things!) -- So this is quite broad strokes info.

I'm going to take your questions out of order because it will make more sense.

How do bookstores and libraries find out about upcoming books to order?

The first and most obvious way bookstores and libraries find out about upcoming books to order is via the Publisher's Frontlist Catalogue. "Frontlist" is the term for BRAND NEW / FORTHCOMING BOOKS. Catalogue is exactly what it sounds like -- literally a big ol' catalogue that describes the books, has early reviews and blurbs and whatnot, is full of praise for the books, yadda yadda. Catalogues are divided into multiple "seasons" throughout the year. (Nowadays, catalogues are mostly digital via Edelweiss -- but the same concept applies!)

Generally speaking, publishers have Regional Sales Reps across the country. Those reps physically go to the bookstores in their region every season and present the future season's frontlist offerings (ie, the stuff in the catalogue!) to the buyer. (Very small or far-away stores might have a phone rep -- and nowadays some rep meetings are done via Zoom -- but you get the idea!) The reps have marketing material like ARCs or samples of the books to share, and be able to give more intel than the catalogue alone can do.

It's the sales rep's job to know the bookstore buyer well, know the audience who shops there, and make great recommendations to the buyer. The buyer makes decisions about what to stock based in part on the sales rep's recommendation, but also on whether or not they liked the book or think that their patrons will like it, and based on historical data, like how that author or genre usually does in their store, etc etc.

Sales reps visit about 6 months prior to the season being discussed -- so the Fall 2024 books that are in stock at stores now and in time for Christmas were certainly already ordered before Easter.

Independent Bookstores have their own sales reps; B&N and Target and Amazon and places like that have their own sales reps just for them. (I don't really know how it works for libraries -- very big library systems might also have their own sales reps, but I don't think very small systems would, but idk!)

Other ways they find out about books to order: Booksellers and librarians (and publishers) attend library conferences and trade shows every year, sometimes multiple per year both regional and national; the publisher's sales and marketing teams do presentations about books, have booths with all their upcoming books on display, etc etc.

Booksellers and librarians also are regular people in society, so sometimes they find out about new books sometimes the same way anyone does - through the media and social media! They read reviews, listen to the radio, watch Colbert, go on Instagram, or whatever -- so if they skipped it or only bought two copies when they saw it in the catalogue months and months ago, but then there's a huge media blitz about it, or some amazing reviews come through, the publisher will probably send them a note like "heyyyy just so you know, this is getting HUGE BUZZ, you should probably order extra!"

Basically: Publishers Sales, Marketing and Publicity departments are all doing things behind the scenes for months before a book ever hits a bookstore shelf. That's how books get on the shelf.

How does Barnes & Noble allocate shelf space and choose books to put on display? (What about indie bookstores?)

B&N now chooses books to be on display at the store level. (More on that in the next question). So I'll answer the Indie Bookstore part, and we can assume that a very similar calculus is going on at individual B&N locations!

As explained above, buyers order most of the frontlist books for any bookstore from their sales rep many months before they come out. For a chain bookstore like B&N or a very large independent with multiple locations, that frontlist buyer may be located in some central location -- for smaller stores, buyers are on-site at the bookstore. (A store might also have a "backlist" or "restock" buyer, either the same person or, for a bigger store, a totally different person, who places smaller orders from wholesalers during the week to fill special orders for books customers request and to replenish stock of books they are selling well).

On the backend, bookstores use "turn" to allocate how much shelf space a given section will have -- but that's a much more technical / granular answer that you can read more about here. But as for what comes in and what gets displayed, the new books get into the store in the first place because the buyers have ordered them months in advance, usually via the sales rep (as described above), and when they come in, booksellers use their brains and taste to display them.

Most bookstores have several tables or displays that are always the same (with rotating stock) -- something like New and Noteworthy in every section. So New Hardcover Fiction, New Paperback Fiction, New SF/F, New Nonfiction, etc. When large piles of new books come in every tuesday, the booksellers on the floor will put the piles of books on the New table appropriate for that book. If a pile is getting low, they will swap those ones out so that they table looks full. You get the picture!

Most bookstores also have temporary displays -- seasonal, for a holiday, or themed in some way. For example, it's late October as I type this, and my local bookstore currently has a Kids Halloween display, an adult "Spooky Season" display, a display about democracy/voting (because election day is around the corner), a display about autumn/cozy vibes, a display about fiber arts (because the town hosts a massive craft show), etc. The manager or the owner or one of the booksellers might decide "oh, isn't it funny that all these books have OWLS on them this season, let's make an OWL display" -- and they put whatever they want on it.

(Again, for B&N, many decisions probably also are made at Headquarters -- BUT, individual stores have leeway about how they display their books based on their location, etc etc.)

Do publishers pay to have their books in Barnes & Noble stores? Do they pay to have their books displayed in prominent spots? What about independent bookstores?

Yes and no? Kindaaa, but not really in the way you are thinking?

ETA: THIS IS INSANELY COMPLICATED AND THE EXPLAINER BELOW IS JUST BARELY SCRATCHING THE SURFACE. It's just the best I can do, in this forum, right now.

OK. There's something called "Co-Op" -- that stands for like, "co-operative marketing" or something like that. There's a world in which you could consider Co-Op "publishers paying to have books in stores" -- that's how it kind of was historically, anyway.

Basically, IN THE PAST (I really can't stress that enough), publishers and major bookstores like B&N would come to some sort of agreement about certain titles that would "get co-op" -- like, OK, we have a Spooky Season table in the front of the store, it will cost you X-hundreds/thousands (??) of dollars to have a pile of your new upcoming book SPOOKY GHOST STORY on the front table of every B&N store. Publishers paid it, the bookstore ordered all those books and put them on display. Here's an article about that from 2010 that gives the basics and some links.

This straight-up "paying for a display slot" MIGHT still be the case at stores like Target, I have no idea. But for B&N, it's not the case anymore. This article from 2022 explains how the revamp of B&N includes getting rid of "pay to play" displays:

"Although the chain’s stores carry similar titles, in a shift away from centralized buying, individual managers determine where the books are placed and order quantities. The focus better aligns assortments with local tastes. Mr. Daunt told Publishers Weekly last year his goal is to provide managers with tools and then “get out of the way.”

Co-op title placement practices have also been ended because unpopular titles were receiving prominent placement and driving excessive return rates."

FWIW, Indie bookstores didn't / don't usually do "co-op" in quite the same way -- a single independent bookstore simply doesn't have the money or clout for it to be worth it for a publisher to pay them for title placement. Like, if Grandma Sassy's Olde Bookery orders five copies of a new book, that's huge for them, the publisher doesn't care what Grandma does with her displays, it's not making a dent for Penguin Random House, you know? Much different deal than a chain.

HOWEVER, co-op isn't ONLY about "pay to play" title placement. For example, let's say the publisher has a huge new book they want to promote because it is hotly anticipated and they have nine bajillion copies. They might create a special display out of cardboard (called a "dump") that fits 15 copies of the book -- any bookstore who orders 15+ copies of the book gets this special cool display, and a special discount.

OR, maybe the publisher decides to do a "Summer Reading Special" where they create special paperbacks of 20 different titles that have "buy two get one free" stickers on them -- if a bookstore wants to participate, they will order however-many copies of those books, but they will get a much better discount, both as an incentive to participate and put these titles on display and push them, and to make up for the money they would be losing by giving some of them away.

OR, a bookstore is doing a special event for an author, and they pay for a bunch of special posters to be made -- they might be able to get reimbursed from the publisher for some or all of the money they spent.

Those things are (kinda) the publisher "paying" the bookstore, so they are also technically co-op marketing! But as you can see, it's not quite the same as publishers directly paying a bookstore for a certain title's placement.

Sorry for the length, but hey -- that was a lot of questions!

[bobattef]

Paddock 🐰

The music was thumping through your chest, the flashing lights from the club dancing across your skin as you knock back another shot that was handed to you.

You were already starting to feel the affects of the many units of alcohol you had consumed this evening but you didn’t care.

You wanted more.

You needed more.

More alcohol to numb the pain from your break up with Max.

You had your problems in your relationship but who’s doesn’t these days.

Yes it was slightly controversial working as one of the content creators for McLaren, whilst dating a rival teams driver but those that have known you have expressed many disappointments in your life’s choices so, what was one more.

It was more Max’s team principal that had the bigger problem though.

Every one laughed that Christian was the real father figure in Max’s life but little did they know the man dictated a lot of things to his number one driver.

It was him that pushed for the break up of you and Max, saying you were the reason why he was failing to succeed in recent races.

It wasn’t your fault!

Everyone could see that the Ferrari’s this season were just clicking together a lot better than the RedBull’s and even the McLaren’s yet Horner’s words to Max cut like a knife.

You knew by the look on his face that he would do anything to get winning again.

And that included stomping on your heart like it was nothing.

So here you were, out in the streets of Monaco partying your night away after the Grand Prix this weekend.

You were kind of glad for one thing about this breakup, Max’s strict lifestyle before and after races would never of allowed you to be out and about on town.

You missed nights like these with your bestie where you’d just drink and dance the night away.

McLaren had a good weekend this weekend so the team were out somewhere in one of the many bars that lined this particular part of the Monaco strip.

Both Oscar and Lando up on the podium, with Charles winning his home Grand Prix!

You had always been a Ferrari fan, from when you were very little, so always enjoyed the sound of the Italian national anthem after a race.

Your employers not batting an eyelid as you also hung around with the Ferrari team on race weekends when you weren’t busy filming the McLaren family. 

It was something Christian hated about you though, as he banned you from wearing any Ferrari merchandise when you made things official with Max and of course Max agreed.

You shake your head, physically removing the thoughts of your ex from your mind.

“You ok?” Your bestfriend laughs over the sound of the music blasting around you.

You just smile and nod.

“Another shot?” She tells you rather than asks as she knows you too well.

“Fuck yeah!” You shout “then we dance?” 

“If you can still stand” she replies as both of you knock back another two shots.

***

Charles could barely walk straight as the VIP rep showed him to his booth.

With Carlos, Pierre, Lando, Alex and George (the Mercedes and Williams drivers with their gfs) in his booking party, it was a very prestige group.

He had his sunglasses on to ease the bright lights of the club as they all danced their way up towards the VIP area.

The tables were lined with bottles of alcohol.

Champagne, vodka, rum you name it.

He already felt like he was at his limit for drink but this was his first time he ever won his home race. 

He was going to be celebrating this for a long while.

“Hey, is that y/n?” Alex asks George as they stand at the balcony area, over looking the club. 

Carlos joins them as he tries to focus in on where his mates were looking.

His vision slightly blurred from the contents of drink they had already in their system but sure enough his eyes land on you and the person he was really looking for, your bestie, on the dance floor.

“Yeah” he laughs as he turns back to Charles raising his eyebrows.

Charles grinning back at him like they just had a full on conversation.

“Shall we invite her up here?” Lily asks Carmen.

You all used to be on the road together when the drivers had to do media days so you had established some what work relationships.

“Who’s she with?” Lando pipes up.

“Not Max” Pierre answers quickly.

“I can’t believe they even split up” Lily sounds sympathetic as Carmen agrees.

“You can’t??” Pierre laughs. “They were toxic for each other” he adds as he remembers the arguments and fights he used to witness from you both.

“Ok maybe they had their flaws but…” Alex says as he throws his arms around Lily “it was Horner who ordered them to split remember” 

“Yeah, however…” George joins them back on the sofas now “would you really listen to your boss over your girlfriend?” he asks Alex as he buries his head into Carmen’s shoulder, knowing his answer if he was ever to be asked to do such a thing.

“Are we calling them up here or not?” Carlos asks as Lando already answers their questions with a loud whistle using his fingers.

You knew that whistle from anywhere, it was definitely Lando but where was he?

“YO!!” He almost screeches across the club as others around you all start looking at who’s being hollered.

Your bestie points upwards as you try to pinpoint where Lando’s voice is coming from. 

He was waving like a loony tune up on the balcony area and you laugh at loud, waving back.

“He’s calling us up there” your bestie laughs as she rolls her eyes at your innocence.

She grabs your wrist and walks through the crowd, getting stopped by the security at the bottom of the stair case that leads up to the VIP area.

Both Lando and Pierre come bounding down the steps letting them know it’s ok to let you both through.

Lando gives you a bear hug that makes you almost fall backwards but you manage to keep your ground.

“Have you seen the rest of the team tonight?” He shouts in your ear as the smell of rum on his breath hits your nostrils.

“No” you laugh “where’s Oscar?” You ask him as you both stumble your way up towards the tables the other drivers are sat at now.

“I dunno” Lando slurs as he slumps back down next to Charles “in some bar along here”

“Hey Charles!” You sound a little too happy at seeing the Monegasque as your bestie giggles.

She’s known for a while you’ve always had a soft spot for the Ferrari driver and you can tell her it’s due to you being a fan of the prancing horse all you like, she knows you have a crush on him. 

“Congratulations on todays win!” You say to him as Pierre now hugs you.

“Hey Pierre” you laugh as you get the wind knocked out of you.

“What you doing out here all on your lonesome huh?” The French men asks you, feigning seriousness.

You had history with the Alpine driver before you had gotten with Max, only sleeping with him on a few occasions, nothing major.

But you were never sure if his sassiness towards you now was because he was bitter that in the early days of you dating Max, you were still fooling around with him. 

“I’m not on my own” you wrinkle up your nose at him, playing along “I have (insert besties name here) with me” you tell him as you walk over to where Lily and Carmen were sat.

“Lily, Carmen this is *besties name*” you tell them as she turns shy with all eyes on her, Carlos’ especially as he nods an awkward hello to her also. 

She was never allowed on event weekends with you when you were with Max.

She came a few times when you were travelling with McLaren but that’s it, so she never really met the wags of F1.

She sits between them and Carlos now as she starts small talk with them all.

“Who’s not drinking the champagne?!” You ask them as you noticed it’s the only bottle that hasn’t been opened.

“You’re right! Let’s celebrate both McLaren’s on the podium!” Lando suddenly has some more life in him jumping up and grabbing the bottle.

“And Ferrari’s win!” You add as you Lando rolls his eyes.

“Yes yes and that I suppose” he answers back sarcastically as he winks at Charles.

“You’re not a Ferrari fan are you?” George asks as the huge pop from the champagne cork makes you jump.

“You not seen her tattoo mate?” Pierre answers him as he smirks at you.

Ass.

The tattoo he was talking about wasn’t exactly in a place where anyone could see it.

“You have a Ferrari tattoo?” Carlos says raising his eyebrows at you.

All of their eyes are on you waiting for you to answer as you just nod at them, smiling awkwardly.

“Let’s see” Charles asks you as Pierre laughs out loud now. 

“Piss off Gasly!” You go to hit him playfully but he dodges out the way.

“How do you know about it Pierre?” Lando asks looking from you to him working something out.

“How do you?” Carlos asks Lando laughing at his former team mates seemingly slip up.

You sigh out loud as you know why Lando has seen it.

Spending so much time together with the McLaren team when you weren’t with Max you used to have beach days a lot so he’s seen you in a bikini more times than he can count.

You even remember Lando being there when your own Dad found out about it!

“Where is it?” Charles asks you gently, he’s definitely interested in this now. 

“The top of her thigh” Pierre tells him whilst looking at your reaction.

You’re not sure if he had told anyone about you and him before but you definitely haven’t told a soul. Especially Max. Not that he would care now.

“No..way?!” George laughs out loud as he clicks.

They all look between you and Pierre as they slowly work out that you had slept together.

“Wow y/n…two drivers?” Carlos laughs as your bestie digs him lightly in the ribs.

“You and Pierre?” Charles asks you as you shrug without an answer.

Hoping he doesn’t think any less of you sleeping with not one but two of the drivers he shares the grid with, at this moment anyhow.

“Are we seeing the tattoo or not?” Your bestie joins in as she tries her best to cover up the whole Pierre and you awkwardness by bringing up another awkward moment.

You were possibly a little too young and a little too stupid when you had gotten the tattoo but what’s being young and dumb without any silly life commitments?!

You were always a Ferrari fan so it made sense to get your favourite teams logo printed on you like some sort of branded property, that’s what you told yourself as you got older. 

How was you supposed to know that you would become a part of the team at McLaren one day and your boyfriend would be a driver for RedBull?! 

Ex boyfriend, you quickly corrected your thoughts.

You chew your lip as you think about it.

Could you get even more embarrassed after Pierre’s comments?

“Fine!” You decide, possibly due to having no proper thoughts behind it, your brain was intoxicated with alcohol after all.

Placing your heeled foot on the leather bench next to where Charles was sat, him secretly throwing up a thank you for being the one closest to you.

You roll your dress up towards the top of your thigh, carefully to make sure you didn’t flash your underwear to the entire table.

They all lean closer as you show them the small tattoo there, a black prancing horse with the chequered flag just behind it sitting at the of your leg, just where the waist band of your underwear was.

“Hmm” Charles was the only one to make a sound as the others sit back in silence whilst you drop your dress back down.

“Happy now?” You grin sarcastically at Pierre as he nods, clearly very happy with himself.

“When did you get it?” Charles interrupts the staring contest between you and Pierre.

“I was 17..18?” you shrug trying to play it off. 

But you knew the exact date you had gotten it.

Not that you were going to tell that beautiful face of the the Monegasque looking back at you. 

“Ask her why she got it” Lando laughs as he doesn’t notice your death stare.

“Cause she’s a Ferrari fan?” Carlos answers as if it’s the most logical answer.

“Nope” he turns to face you as his face drops realising he shouldn’t have mentioned anything. 

“Er, let’s drink…” he says quickly grabbing a few glasses for the champagne.

He nervously starts to pour it inside the glass, handing them out one by one as Charles has a look of confusion on his face.

“To McLaren” he says nodding at you, swallowing the whole contents of the glass in one.

“To Ferrari” Pierre laughs tipping his glass to where your tattoo was, Alex, George and the girls sip their drinks along with him.

“To Charles” Carlos smiles as him, your bestie, and you tip your champagne up and then back.

But he doesn’t drink from his own glass, instead his gaze is on you as he tries to work you out.

Your eyes find his now as the others start to make conversation between themselves, completely forgetting about what Lando said previously as he now comes and hugs you once more.

“I’m sorry” he leans into you as tries to talk quietly “I didn’t mean to bring that up, I didn’t think…” he trails off as Pierre comes and grabs the bottle that he was holding.

“Another?” He asks you interrupting Lando’s apology.

“Please” you tell him as you hold out your glass.

The heavy feeling in your chest starting to disappear under the heavy swallows of alcohol once more.

***

You had no idea what the time was, you had lost Alex, George and the girls in the time you had all left the bar to head back to the hotels.

Carlos and your best friend were walking way ahead of you now along the cobbled streets of Monaco, talking excitedly with each other.

Pierre and Charles were talking amongst themselves, in French too so you had no idea what they were saying but it sounded intense.

You and Lando were trying to help each other stay up. He had his arm around your shoulder whilst talking to you.

Hiccuping through his words you couldn’t help but laugh.

Charles and Pierre wait every few steps for you two to catch them up, something Carlos and your bestie wasn’t doing as they disappear round the next corner. 

You sigh out in drunk exhaustion as you sit down on the side wall lining a small cafe or shop of some sort, Lando joins you.

“Where’s Carlos and (besties name)?!” Lando asks as he quickly covers his mouth feeling the rise of bile inside his throat. 

“Gone mate” Pierre laughs at how drunk Lando was right now.

“Gone where?!” You stop laughing at Lando as you realise your best friend had your only hotel key in her purse.

“I dunno” he shrugs “can we hurry up….before the paps come catch us?” He says as he pulls you up from your little perch.

You go to avoid his grip but moving a little too fast for your own reactions you fall backwards into the bush. 

Crying out as you fall, flailing your arms about with Lando and Pierre almost wetting themselves.

Charles joins in with them but grabs you underneath your armpits and pulls you effortlessly out the, now crumbled bush.

He holds you close to his chest as you find your feet.

“Thank you” you mumble as you look up to him.

His eyes were bearing down on yours as you feel your cheeks start to heat up.

He just winks at you as Lando and Pierre start to slow their belly laughs at you.

“Come on” you huff at them both as you continue to walk down the road.

“We need to catch up with Carlos and (bfn)” 

“They’ve gone dude” Lando says to you, stating the obvious.

“Yeah they’re probably in each others pants by now considering how long you two are taking to walk down the road!” Pierre adds.

“Really? Carlos and my best friend?” You ask them both as even Charles nods in agreement with them.

“Well, where am I going to stay tonight?” you say your thoughts out loud as you think to maybe searching for a room at silly o’clock in the morning for a place to stay.

“Well you could stay in Carlos bed” Lando says as he catches up with you “Seeing as he’s staying in yours?”

“They’re not doing it in my bed!” You snap as the three of them laugh again.

“Y/n it’s fine, you can stay in mine and Carlos room” Charles says between his laughs.

You are taken a back, you’ve fancied the Ferrari driver for a while now, obviously only looking, never touching whilst you were in a relationship with Max.

But you never imagine him feeling the same way.

Especially after tonight where he learnt about you and Pierre also!

Your thoughts start running away from you as his next sentence causes them to stop in their tracks “Lando and Pierre are staying so what’s one more aye” he says as he rounds the corner you last saw your bestie walk.

***

The movement of the lift carrying you all to the 6th floor of the hotel was a bit too much for Lando.

He was in the bathroom of both the Ferrari drivers hotel room now.

You could hear the sound of him retching as you walk to the little kitchen, grabbing a cold bottle of water from the fridge. 

Charles and Pierre were sat in the living room area, still talking amongst themselves in French.

You go to check up on Lando, but he emerges from the bathroom, his eyes red and watery from throwing up.

You smile at him sympathetically as you hand him the water bottle.

“Little sips” you tell him as he walks over to the sofa and slumps down in defeat.

“The room…it’s spinning” he groans out, placing his arm over his face as you stifle a laugh.

You were trying to be caring and making sure he was ok but you were also very drunk yourself so this whole situation was hilarious.

You turn to where Charles and Pierre were sat on the sofa opposite, still in deep conversation as you frown at them, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

“You ok Mon lapinou? (My bunny) Charles asks as Pierre stops what he was saying and looks over to you trying to translate what he had just called you.

“Where is he sleeping?” You ask them whilst pointing to Lando sprawled on the sofa.

“Looks like he’s already sleeping” Pierre laughs as you look back at Lando’s face.

Sure enough he was laid there, mouth slightly open and breathing heavily as he was sparko.

Charles watches you as grab the blanket that was thrown over the back of the chairs.

You place it delicately over Lando as you slip his shoes off and tuck it in at the bottom of the sofa.

You then move the small trash can that was in the corner of the room to where his head was at, just in case.

“Where am I sleeping?” You ask Charles but don’t look at him out of awkwardness.

“Carlos bedroom is through there” he tells you whilst pointing to the first door on the left, Pierre looks at him as he speaks.

You nod in acknowledgment as you now slip your shoes off, leaving them next to Lando’s on the rug in the living room.

You start to walk down the short corridor to the bedroom of Carlos, you hope he doesn’t mind you jumping into his bed as you secretly wish he wasn’t in yours right now.

“Or if you’d prefer…” Charles voice makes you stop at the door, turning back to face them both as Pierre flashes a grin at you.

“My bedrooms on the right” Charles finishes as he looks at you with hooded eyes.

You’re not sure what your facial expressions were like but going by Pierre chuckling so loudly, you bet they were one of surprise.

“Your bedroom?” You repeat him as he nods at you.

“If you prefer” he finishes.

You look from Charles to Pierre as you feel you can’t quite sense what they were on about. 

You don’t say a word as you turn on your heels and after thinking of going into Carlos room one last time, you cause Charles and Pierre to grin at each other now as you walk a few steps more and disappear through the door into the Monegasque bedroom.

***

You stupidly left your phone out in the kitchen so had no idea how long you had been laying in Charles bed for.

You had discarded your dress, thinking for a moment to grab one of his shirts from his drawer to wear but opting for just your underwear instead.

You begin to feel awkward again as you weren’t sure if he was going to be joining you or not in the bed.

You start to rub your feet together underneath the sheets, wishing you could grab a pair of socks or something as your feet always get cold.

The sound of the door opening causes you to freeze entirely as you weren’t sure if Charles could see your face inside this dark bedroom.

You hear the footsteps from him as he walks over to the bed now, the mattress dipping slightly as he sits on the end of it. 

You almost hold your breath as you hear him getting undressed.

He curses quietly at the sound of his belt hitting the floor a little too loudly. 

You hear the groans of the bed springs as he crawls into bed now, pulling away the cover you had almost wrapped around your face to hide.

You shiver at the sudden cold as he wastes no time to shuffle up close to you.

Moulding his body to fit perfectly behind yours as he drops the cover back onto you both.

You swallow deeply as you can feel him pressing up against you now.

You feel that he is just in his boxers as he drapes one arm over your ribs as the other is laid out across the top of your head.

You had definitely sobered up slightly in the time it took you to walk to the hotel from the club and although you still had some of the effects from alcohol playing with you, you were absolutely sober enough to be ok with him resting his hand on your chest.

“Mamour?” The heavily accented voice of his pressed up so closely to your ear causes your eyes to fly open.

“You awake?” He asks you as he gently nips the  skin off your neck.

“Mmmhmm” you breathe out at his touch.

Your sleepy voice sends a shiver down his spine as he unconsciously bucks his hips up towards the curve of your ass.

You can feel the bulge of his hardness through the fabric as you stifle a moan.

He grins into the darkness as he starts to feel the affects he has on you.

Your nipples harden as he pinches one through the lace of your bralette.

You push your ass out into his hips as he moves them closer to you.

His hand start to wonder down from your chest, across your stomach and down the side of your hip.

He traces his fingers so lightly along the hem of your underwear as your eyes flutter under his touch.

It was so delicate, like he thought you were made of glass.

He brings his fingers over your clothed cunt, stroking you there, feeling the slight dampness of the fabric.

He cups his hand now as you almost gasp out at his grip.

“Wet already huh lapinou?” He whispers at you as he starts to plant kisses along your neck. 

He pulls on your underwear as you lift slightly off the bed, helping him to glide them down past  your thighs and onto the floor.

His hand returns to their place on your cunt as he wastes no time in rubbing circles on your clit.

You cant help but moan out at the touch.

His touch.

The Ferrari driver who you’ve crushed on from afar for weeks now, has his hands where you’ve wanted them the most finally.

He pushes two of his fingers inside you as it was his turn to moan out loud.

You were so wet for him.

He switches up from the rubbing of your clit to the swift movements of his fingers disappearing inside you as you grip on to his arm now. Steadying yourself as you can feel that familiar pressure building up inside.  

“Charles” you breathe out as his paces quickens.

“Oui Bébé?” He asks you as you feel the tickling from his breaths on your neck in between his kisses.

You were sure they were more like little sucks on your neck than kisses but you don’t care right now.

You moan out his name as you come around his fingers, Charles quickly placing a hand over your mouth as you do.

You look up at him with a full on silly ass grin as he laughs lightly, pulling out of you, he brings his fingers up to his mouth now, darting his tongue out to wrap around them, tasting you on them. 

A low grumble comes from his chest.

“Fuck I needed to taste you so badly!” He sighs out as his words cause you to raise your eyebrows.

“Really?” You ask him as his face lights up.

Before you could ask him why he was pulling such a face he disappears under the cover, prising your thighs apart he nestles his head inbetween them.

“Charles I…” you go to ask him what he’s doing but you get cut off with the feeling of his mouth on your cunt.

His tongue swirls around your clit before delving inside you and back out again.

“Fuck!” You rasp out as you lay your head back on the pillow, bringing a hand up to wrap in the Monegasques hair. 

He moves his mouth over your sweet spot with such skill you almost cry out again in orgasm.

Your grip tightens on his scalp, pulling on his hair, the sensation causing him to go feral on you right now.

You were already so wet from coming a few moments earlier and now paired with saliva from Charles mouth, there was all sorts of noises coming from that hotel bedroom of his. 

“Mmmm fuck bébé you taste so fucking good” the sound of his voice causes vibrations on you down there as you feel yourself coming for the second time that night. 

This time he can’t reach your mouth to clamp his hands over it.

He laps up every part of you as you come down from your high.

You’re too lost in the moment that you don’t even hear the door to the bedroom open again as another being steps into the darkness.

“Hope you’re saving some of those orgasms for me Mon Cheri” the deep voice of Pierre fills your ear drums as you almost crush Charles head that was still in-between your thighs, as you try to close your legs. 

“Pierre” you choke out, trying to find your words.

“Were you just listening in on us??” You try to sound annoyed but you were still on a high.

“Maybe” he chuckles out as Charles moves back up to the head of the bed again.

“Why?!” You almost shout.

“I’m jealous…” Pierre shrugs as if it was obvious “I want in on the action”

His words cause you to laugh out loud.

“You can’t be serious?!” you say as you look at Charles now for back up but his face isn’t mimicking yours.

His face is more like Pierre’s is right now.

Full of lust, they both have that feral look in their eyes as their pupils are fully blown and their eyes are almost black. 

“I’m deadly serious” Pierre steps closer to the bed now as you notice he’s shedded most of his clothes now.

“We both are” Charles adds on as you eyes widen in shock. 

“Both??” You say out loud, not believing a word you were hearing.

Both! Of them?? Wanted you??

Your mind starts whirling around as you try to make sure you’re not getting this wrong.

Pierre joins you and Charles in bed now, he can see you were having an internal argument with yourself.

“So what’s it going to be?” Charles pipes up. 

“Let us both have you or…”

“Or I kick Charles out and have my way with you all by myself” Pierre cuts Charles off as he smirks at his friend.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Two principles to protect internet users from decaying platforms

Today (May 10), I’m in VANCOUVER for a keynote at the Open Source Summit and later a book event for Red Team Blues at Heritage Hall; on Thurs (May 11), I’m in CALGARY for Wordfest.

Internet platforms have reached end-stage enshittification, where they claw back the goodies they once used to lure in end-users and business customers, trying to walk a tightrope in which there’s just enough value left to keep you locked in, but no more. It’s ugly out there.

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/10/soft-landings/#e2e-r2e

When the platforms took off — using a mix of predatory pricing, catch-and-kill acquisitions and anti-competitive mergers — they seemed unstoppable. Mark Zuckerberg became the unelected social media czar-for-life for billions of users. Youtube was viewed as the final stage of online video. Twitter seemed a bedrock of public discussion and an essential source for journalists.

During that era, the primary focus for reformers, regulators and politicians was on improving these giant platforms — demanding that they spend hundreds of millions on algorithmic filters, or billions on moderators. Implicit in these ideas was that the platforms would be an eternal fact of life, and the most important thing was to tame them and make them as benign as possible.

That’s still a laudable goal. We need better platforms, though filters don’t work, and human moderation has severe scaling limits and poses significant labor issues. But as the platforms hungrily devour their seed corn, shrinking and curdling, it’s time to turn our focus to helping users leave platforms with a minimum of pain. That is, it’s time to start thinking about how to make platforms fail well, as well as making them work well.

This week, I published a article setting out two proposals for better platform failure on EFF’s Deeplinks blog: “As Platforms Decay, Let’s Put Users First”:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/04/platforms-decay-lets-put-users-first

The first of these proposals is end-to-end. This is the internet’s founding principle: service providers should strive to deliver data from willing senders to willing receivers as efficiently and reliably as possible. This is the principle that separates the internet from earlier systems, like cable TV or the telephone system, where the service owners decided what information users received and under what circumstances.

The end-to-end principle is a bedrock of internet design, the key principle behind Net Neutrality and (of course) end-to-end-encryption. But when it comes to platforms, end-to-end is nowhere in sight. The fact that you follow someone on social media does not guarantee that you’ll see their updates. The fact that you searched for a specific product or merchant doesn’t guarantee that platforms like Ebay or Amazon or Google will show you the best match for your query. The fact that you hoisted someone’s email out of your spam folder doesn’t guarantee that you will see the next message they send you.

An end-to-end rule would create an obligation on platforms to put the communications of willing senders and willing receivers ahead of the money they can make by selling “advertising” in search priority, or charging media companies and performers to “boost” their posts to reach their own subscribers. It would address the real political speech issues of spamfiltering the solicited messages we asked our elected reps to send us. In other words, it would take the most anti-user platform policies off the table, even as the tech giants jettison the last pretense that platforms serve their users, rather than their owners:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

The second proposal is for a right-to-exit: an obligation on tech companies to facilitate users’ departure from their platforms. For social media, that would mean adopting Mastodon-style standards for exporting your follower/followee list and importing it to a rival service when you want to go. This solves the collective action problem that shackles users to a service — you and your friends all hate the service, but you like each other, and you can’t agree on where to go or when to leave, so you all stay:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/19/better-failure/#let-my-tweeters-go

For audiences and creators who are locked to bad platforms with DRM — the encryption scheme that makes it impossible for you to break up with Amazon or other giants without throwing away your media —���right to exit would oblige platforms to help rightsholders and audiences communicate with one another, so creators would be able to verify who their customers are, and give them download codes for other services.

Both these proposals have two specific virtues: they are easy to administer, and they are cheap to implement.

Take end-to-end: it’s easy to verify whether a platform reliably delivers messages from to all your followers. It’s easy to verify whether Amazon or Google search puts an exact match for your query at the top of the search results. Unlike complex, ambitious rules like “prevent online harassment,” end-to-end has an easy, bright-line test. An “end harassment” rule would be great, but pulling it off requires a crisp definition of “harassment.” It requires a finding of whether a given user’s conduct meets that definition. It requires a determination as to whether the platform did all it reasonably could to prevent harassment. These fact-intensive questions can take months or years to resolve.

Same goes for right-to-exit. It’s easy to determine whether a platform will make it easy for you to leave. You don’t need to convince a regulator to depose the platform’s engineers to find out whether they’ve configured their servers to make this work, you can just see for yourself. If a platform claims it has given you the data you need to hop to a rival and you dispute it, a regulator doesn’t have to verify your claims — they can just tell the platform to resend the data.

Administratibility is important, but so is cost of compliance. Many of the rules proposed for making platforms better are incredibly expensive to implement. For example, the EU’s rule requiring mandatory copyright filters for user-generated content has a pricetag starting in the hundreds of millions — small wonder that Google and Facebook supported this proposal. They know no one else can afford to comply with a rule like this, and buying their way to permanent dominance, without the threat of being disrupted by new offerings, is a sweet deal.

But complying with an end-to-end rule requires less engineering than breaking end-to-end. Services start by reliably delivering messages between willing senders and receivers, then they do extra engineering work to selectively break this, in order to extract payments from platform users. For small platform operators — say, volunteers or co-ops running Mastodon servers — this rule requires no additional expenditures.

Likewise for complying with right-to-exit; this is already present in open federated media protocols. A requirement for platforms to add right-to-exit is a requirement to implement an open standard, one that already has reference code and documentation. It’s not free by any means — scaling up reference implementations to the scale of large platforms is a big engineering challenge — but it’s a progressive tax, with the largest platforms bearing the largest costs.

Both of these proposals put control where it belongs: with users, not platform operators. They impose discipline on Big Tech by forcing them to compete in a market where users can easily slip from one service to the next, eluding attempts to lock them in and enshittify them.

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: A giant robot hand holding a monkey-wrench. A tiny, distressed human figure is attempting - unsuccessfully - to grab the wrench away.]

Image: EFF https://www.eff.org/files/banner_library/competition_robot.png

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/us/

[ashleywool]

health update/diatribe/infodump BUT THERE'S A CAT VIDEO AT THE END

Dearest reader: This should be a simple health update, but instead, it's an obnoxiously detailed info-dump written by the kind of person who knows more than most people about American health insurance but is still surprised at how it continues to find new and innovative ways to suck. If this is not the type of thing your brain or nervous system wants to wrap itself around, I don't blame you one bit, but if it is, I hope you'll at least walk away having learned something or being at least mildly entertained. If not, feel free to

SCROLL TO THE END FOR A HTDIO-ADJACENT CAT VIDEO!

When last we left our third-or-fourth-favorite mildly niche-famous T-list Broadway person, she was finally on the brink of getting a brain and pituitary MRI. This was supposed to happen on Friday.

But I wasn't allowed to get the MRI on Friday because Cigna's pre-authorization was still pending and there was nothing my doctor could do to escalate its urgency, nor could they withdraw the order. They couldn't do anything at all until the third-party organization that approves the pre-authorizations signed off on its medical necessity.

Look, I get it. This is an expensive and labor-intensive procedure, so they have to be thorough. I mean, sure, my doctor said it was medically necessary, and sure, they sent the additional clinical information to confirm its medically necessity, and sure, every order at every stage was marked as urgently medically necessary, and it was sent for processing on Monday, but how can they REALLY be sure it's medically necessary until my case is also reviewed by doctors who have NEVER seen me, and don't work weekends or holidays, and will get around to reviewing it at their own leisure? The folks at the radiology clinic rescheduled me in their next available spot and maintained that they'd contact me as soon as possible to fill any upcoming cancellation spots.

A ridiculous mildly annoying setback was that their next available appointment wasn't until July 26. They couldn't attempt to book me at any of the other dozens of clinics affiliated with this hospital network, because the pre-authorization is site-specific, which is like buying someone a gift card from the Starbucks on my block only to find out that they won't honor it at the Starbucks two blocks down perfectly reasonable, because I'm sure every site has differences that can't be perceived from a patient perspective.

Oh, and the existence of a pending pre-authorization prevented them from doing the MRI that day even if I'd had $8K in cash to pay out of pocket for the procedure. Which is perfectly reasonable, because why shouldn't American healthcare policy punish rich people too? I'm sure it's many flavors of unethical for one doctor to do something without the approval of another doctor even though the doctor whose approval it hangs on has NEVER SEEN ME.

One fellow in particular--I'll call him Quincy--gave me some insider info on how to prepare for the types of advocacy he's had to do in the past with this particular pre-authorization team, and which numbers to call and questions to ask. He isn't technically supposed to know this stuff and also isn't technically supposed to share it, but says he does it all the time anyway--hence why I'm keeping him anonymous. Quincy isn't his real name, but Quincy is a real one, and I took in his information like a medieval warrior selecting the choicest armor to prepare for battle the informed and fully compliant patient I strive to be.

Anyway, a few persistent phone calls later, a Cigna rep informed me that the middlemen would approve the pre-authorization for the MRI on the condition that I get the procedure done at a standalone radiology facility instead of a hospital-affiliated facility. Which is like buying someone a gift card that could only be honored at Starbucks kiosks located inside Target stores, but not at a standalone Starbucks or anywhere else in Target perfectly reasonable, I know the insurance companies don't wanna have to spend hospital prices any more than I do. So I spent a great deal of time yesterday looking up non-hospital-affiliated radiology clinics that were in-network.

I made an appointment with one clinic for Thursday. But I also made an appointment request at a different clinic for Monday morning, just in case they could see me sooner--because I knew this clinic didn't accept Medicare or Medicaid, and were therefore exempt from the requirement of third-party pre-authorization. (Pro-tip: even if you do have Medicare or Medicaid, always try to bypass pre-authorization for diagnostic procedures, especially if you have a particularly high in-network deductible--it's entirely possible that paying out of pocket for a service at an out-of-network provider could cost less than the amount you'd have to pay towards your deductible at at in-network facility. American math.)

THIS MORNING, I woke up at 8am to a phone call from the latter clinic, saying that if I sent them the doctor's prescription, they could pre-authorize the procedure and see me tomorrow. So that's what I did...and then I got an email saying that they couldn't accept a prescription for an MRI with and without contrast because they don't have contrast at that facility. Which is like finally securing a coveted reservation at an elite steakhouse only to find out they don't season their steak or even have steak sauce perfectly reasonable, because not everyone needs contrast, but I do, so that place was out.

But as far as I've been told, Thursday's appointment should go off without a hitch as long as I call EviCore (the pre-authorization middlemen) tomorrow morning to tell them all about the not-hospital that will be giving me a not-hospital-priced MRI, so that they can grant the pre-authorization at long last.

Perhaps if I plead my case and bat my eyes at them real cute-like through the phone, they'll give me some other reason why it's actually not medically necessary for me to know definitively whether or not I have a literal brain tumor I can get seen even sooner than Thursday.

FUNNY STORY THOUGH...

A couple weeks ago I was talking to a friend from church who was going through a lot of the same stuff as I was, and I was like "idk, maybe get your cortisol checked?" and lo and behold, he messaged me back a few days ago saying that he'd found a new doctor and asked him to do just that, and WITHIN A DAY his doctor ordered ALL the labs I'd fought for (serum blood cortisol, low-dose dexamethasone suppression test, 24-hour urine, saliva, etc.) AND an MRI for suspected Cushing's.

And he completed ALL OF THAT within a week.

Although he did have to suffer for quite a while before I floated the possibility of Cushing's, just like my friend Alan had to suffer for years before his own endocrinologists floated the possibility of Cushing's. Still, they both got that MRI the second it WAS floated, without a fight, and I'm genuinely happy for them.

But I can't help wondering how much quicker and easier this whole process would have been for me if I were a man. Or if I was neurotypical. Or if I still had a choice about whether or not to disclose being autistic. But mostly if I were a man.

THIS IS THE END! HERE IS THE HTDIO-ADJACENT CAT VIDEO YOU WERE PROMISED!

I'm fostering my friends' exquisite tuxedo princessfloof for a few weeks. Chevy and Tex are being very accommodating foster siblings, but she's much younger and is used to being the only pet, so naturally it took her a while to acclimate.

But there was one thing she took to immediately: the How to Dance in Ohio fidget spinner.

[marielaure]

(Large Text)

Adrik: Why I Love him and I Guess Netflix Thoughts?

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Context: I read the Grisha Trilogy when I was 14/15 and had a bit of a book crush on Adrik. Why? He was also that age, wanted to be older and act older, and was one of the only disabled characters I’d read before.

So yeah, when Netflix made shadow and bone, I thought to myself: Will they put Adrik in the show? He’s a major side character and they added a lot of new characters, so a part of me just thought he’d be written out.

Then season two…

And not only did we get Adrik, they made him hot AND the actor was really good. That was honestly the dream. (Huge shoutout to Alistair Nwachukwu)

Adrik and his disability:

In the books and show, Adrik loses his arm due to the Darkling’s shadow monsters. Now, part of why I love Adrik is because he has to adapt to a new way of doing a skill he’s been proficient at seemingly his whole life. We get to see some ups and downs of him trying to use his powers, but we also get to see his determination to keep trying to get better. They’re in the middle of a war, and he’s adamant about not being left behind. It’s an interesting point of his character, I like it.

Now, in the show, we see a less confident Adrik. But, we still see him try and adapt, just differently.

This is where the undefined and somewhat loose magic system is a little hard to talk about. This magic system has been built up as always needed two hands/arms to control. But, book!Adrik figures out how to do so with only one arm. In the books, this is seen as some never-before-done feat. Now, shadow and bone takes the “two-handed rule” very seriously. We see show!Adrik and his sister have to fist bump and control powerful gusts of wind together. This makes for interesting fight scenes, but seemed a bit odd to me as it is established in the first season with an inferni that you can summon with one hand/arm out of commission. (Kaz chapel scene for reference)

But, just like in real life, many disabled people need some help or stability from others to get a task done, when I look at it that way it’s cool. (Though, I did not like how they gave Nadia an arm injury as well, it felt weird to me-—as if the producers thought they couldn’t do that technique with Nadia having her body intact—I don’t know I’d love yalls thoughts on that scene)

Adrik and the show prosthetic:

I hated the Luke Skywalker prosthetic. I knew it was just a glove, it was weird and also seemed to serve no point.

What could have been done if CGI-ing off the actor’s arm was too expensive:

1. Hidden the left arm? And pinned the sleeve to whatever was needed.

2. If that’s a safety hazard, changed the injury to something slightly different. Such as a head/spinal/nerve injury as a result of the shadow attack. (He would still only be squalling with one arm, it may just look stiff as he wouldn’t be able to move/feel it AND this wouldn’t be erasing his disability)

3. Made Adrik disabled from the start? Nothing in his storyline would have been different. You can’t tell me there’s never been a disabled Grisha before.

Conclusion:

I love both portrayals of Adrik, the only parts I hate are the “Netflix-ication” or “Hollywood” erasure of his disability. I think a huge problem with book adaptions are that sometimes sticking to the book limits people’s creativity. People making films have SO MUCH to consider and portray, that they can’t always do. So in the case of Adrik, they wanted amputee!Adrik, and found a great, nondisabled (maybe?) actor to play him. Fine, but they ran out of time and money to keep CGI-ing his arm off. (Literally having disabled actors is so much better but that’s a different discussion) Anyway, so the not-creative team makes the actor a weird glove and say, “Go pretend to be disabled.” It’s a tale as old as time. Is it good disability rep? Not really. Do I still love Adrik? Yes. Did the actor do awesome and do I still respect him? Of course, he’s doing his job and did it well.

I felt the need to make this post as favorite character week pops up. As a bit of an explanation to my love/sorta dislike of Adrik.

Here’s some fanart I found that is a perfect portrayal of what I think of when I think of Adrik:

Image Description: digital painting of Adrik (portrayed by Alistair Nwachukwu, a black man in his mid-twenties) wearing his blue and silver kefta (coat) with right hand extended forward and his short, left sleeve covering his residual limb is perfectly visible.

I love this piece by @doodlesnoff as this is how show!Adrik SHOULD have looked on-screen but didn’t.

Again, this is no hate to the actor. I actually can’t imagine anyone better to play Adrik. His voice, the way he interacted with Alina and Nadia and Genya…he is Adrik. I really hope his acting career is going great.