#system joy forever and ever and ever okay??? okay

[starlightswordfight]

hi I'm the one who sent this ask in idgaf about being anonymous anymore

REALLY just wanted to say that it is so so joyous to me seeing other people share theirs too. it's SO nice. like yes !! we can be happy too !!!!

system culture is FINALLY finding the ONE thing that everyone enjoys and will not argue about doing. group hobby even. collective pastime that everybody can find Something to like out. ours is gardening

.

[tragicvampireromanceisland]

they are SILLY!!! and CUTE!!! and UNDERRATED!!! that is all!!! 💛💚

[dewdrop-collective]

I think a big part of the reason that I went from anti-endo to endo-safe was absolutely due to how starkly different the communities felt.

Anti-endo communities were hard to engage with. Sure, some of them would focus on their support for each other more than their hatred of endogenic systems. And that's great! However, when you are brought together by your dislike of a certain group, you can't help but feel the hate permiate into so much of it. It always happened eventually. Anti-endo communities had such a focus on systems who were "fake" that I couldn't help but worry I was one of them, no matter how much they told me it was "just endos" they were concerned about.

The endo community (at least the parts I've engaged with and were easy to find) were so kind and respected me as a system, no matter how I felt or my plurality presented. Simply knowing we could find joy in our plurality allowed us to strive for so much more than we had thought possible before.

As a traumagenic system, we've improved so much with our symptoms and communication as a result of the positivity and acceptance we recieved. When we joined communities where we could be authenticallly ourselves (no matter what), we came together and faced so much less conflict between each other. And the conficts we did have, we realized that we could solve them together rather than alone.

When you are constantly doubting if you are "actually a system", you start to push the others away, and that made our dissociation and amnesia so much worse. I understand being careful of self-misdiangnosis, it can put you on the wrong path for how you learn to manage your symptoms. At the same time, the sentiment I often heard from endogenic systems when I was struggling with doubt and denial was very simple: "So what if you're not a system?" In short, it was okay to be wrong.

And that was huge for me. I realized that, no matter if I was a system or not, the techniques I used to improve ourselves and communicate with one another beneficial to me. At the end of the day, even if I wasn't a system after all, the skills I had found we invaluble to my health and well-being. So when I fall into denial spirals, no matter what I think about myself, I now know that I don't need to deprive myself of what has helped me, even if it is a "system thing." I don't feel scared to use these skills anymore (even in denial spirals), beacuse the line between what systems and non-systems or singlets can/can't do suddenly wasn't a big deal or a battle of "who can do what."

Our plurality is no longer a burden or a scar to us. It is simply who we are. We've learned so much about each other and ourselves since we've been accepted in full, and since we've learned to accept others. Endogenic communities have helped us (a traumagenic system) probably more than they'll ever know, and we're forever grateful for that.

So thank you, endogenic systems.

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

Prodigy Recap

I love it I love it I love it I could watch it forever

I'm truly irrevokably in love. I'm done for. I'm probably going to rewatch this all month before I am satisfied I've fully taken it all in. I NEED to rewatch Mindwalk and Supernova again ASAP because knowing what I know now about the memories HJ had just recovered. I know it is going to wreck me to watch her in those episodes with S2 in mind.

My ship HELD HANDS GUYSSS. HE TOLD HER SHES HIS HOME. HE DIDNT FEEL LIKE HE BELONGED ANYWHERE UNTIL THEY MET. SHE BROKE TIME FOR HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN. HER EYES GOT SO BIG! THAT HUG LOOKED SO GOOD. (I'm getting off topic a lot but i need to get the "my ship is canon - in a way i don't hate!!!" fangirling out of my system.) breathe. breathe. okay gonna keep going.

Its gonna take me a few more watch throughs to fully wrap my head around the paradox. And around how you fit a humpback whale in the original ISS Voyager (seriously. has that been there the whole time? does OG Voyager have a whale? was she retrofitted in the AQ? did Mirror J steal a whale from 1996?) And if that timeline where KJ was lost on the infinity means shes also trapped on future solum with Chakotay or just dead. and and and... so many things. so many fic ideas. so many plot bunnies

(wait no -- shoves the plot bunnies away -- go away. not ready for more wips yet)

There. was. so. much. that I loved. it was such an ambitious story to tell in 2 seasons and oh my god, i really feel they mostly pulled it off. They brought back Voyagers legacy characters and put them to work in a plot that fit them, and it was such a joy to see them again. They stay true to who they were on Voyager - thoroughly wonderfully 100x better than on Voyager in Chakotays case. and i really believe theyre the same characters with a few more years of life since ive last met them.

And the new characters too. I love Dal and Gwyn and Rok and Murf and Zero and Jankom and Maj'el to pieces. (Majel!!! is such a perfect tribute!) I want to see so much more of Noum and Tysses. I am in tears over Adreek. God how much i want Season 3 just to see how their stories continue.

But I think... what strikes me most and what I appreciated the most was how much this show wholeheartedly respects its fans!!!

It never dumbs things down or babies it's younger audience. its very mature for a kids show. it is a great introduction to star trek and the universe without over explaining. there are storylines in these 40 episodes that would be right at home in TNG or Voyager. it's really more of a fun for the whole family show than a kids show in that way. (it says something that it's the first "cartoon" my parents have ever cared for and they are watching it wholely for themselves.) It really manages to tell the story in a framing thats aimed at kids without taking anything away from the story its telling for all ages.

And it's adult audience...

I worried about how it would feel to have enjoyed such a rich fanon universe in the 3 decades since the show ended. There were advantages to having a ship with very little canon. the fan universe thrived on how much room there was to work within. After that - having headcanoned and written and imagined so many futures for the characters - I feared having some new canon come in and make a new story for them that would invalidate so much if that imagination, or create something so unsatisfying or rigid or antithical to their last canon encounter that nothing new would be inspired by it. (P/C in Picard was like that for me)

Prodigy didnt do that. Prodigy made no grand sweeping canon for the years in between Voyagers homecoming and the new show. Prodigy didnt shoe horn any character into a rigid relationship status. Prodigy picked them up, set them on a new adventure, sprinkled in tantalyzing new details, and left a wealth of room around the events of the season and the relationships between the characters for so much fan imagination to thrive. The possibilities before and during and after the seasons for the characters are bountiful and perfect for imagining their other adventures. I couldnt have imagined my ship becoming canon (or maybe affirmed by the canon is a clearer way to put it) in a better way.

And then they went and added Tank Top Action Janeway in there as a treat.

Truly a masterpiece. i'm so grateful for this show. i hope it gets the 3rd season it so dearly deserves.

[physalian]

“Endings are the hardest!” / “No, beginnings are the worst!”

I’ve never had a problem figuring out the way I want my stories to end but starting them? Yeash, that’s so much pressure. Both carry the same weight for different reasons while you have writers in both camps with legitimate arguments. One may be harder than the other on a writer-by-writer basis, but they are equally daunting.

—

So. Beginnings:

You have sometimes as little as three sentences to hook readers, at most the first chapter. I don’t even give fanfic more than the opening line sometimes (mostly because fanfic takes opening en media res to wild new heights). I’ve been working on a system of “I have one sentence to give you the setting, the protagonist, and the hook that makes this book different, go” and while it might not be perfect, it’s a starting point.

For example! The opening sentence to ENNS is:

Beneath the snowdrift of the longest blizzard Elias has ever endured, the last vampire in the dungeons has finally succeeded in taking their own life.

As someone who struggles with beginnings, I have given you five pieces of information in 25 words:

The setting, that concerns long and repeat blizzards and snow

Protagonist’s name

Establishing the existence of vampires

Establishing that those vampires are kept in dungeons

Establishing that those presumed prisoners are in such bad conditions, that they’re restoring to suicide, something vampires don’t tend to do

I think I did a pretty good job.

So much of the burden of your book is given to so few words. You can’t make it cliché, but try too hard to be unique and you risk looking pretentious. You have to establish the setting, the narrator, the initial setup and inciting incident and convince readers to pick your book out of hundreds of thousands of other options. I hate beginnings.

Best advice among an avalanche of others? Write a placeholder and come back later if it’s too daunting and frustrating because there is no writing advice that is one size fits all.

It’s entirely dependent on your genre, your demographic, the age of your protagonist and how self-aware they are, the tone of your story, your own personal writing style.

“First sentences should include THIS!”

Yeah, okay, but what if I have a better idea? Beyond that your sentence should have a hook that sets your book up as something apart from its genre neighbors, just go look at the most famous opening lines. They’re all different.

There is nothing in common between

Call me Ishmael.

and

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

And that’s the point.

—

Endings though?

Endings bear the burden of providing catharsis, or robbing you of it. Endings have to answer ‘but what does it all mean?’ and stick the landing, or they don’t. Endings can turn a TV show that took the world by storm for four magnificent seasons and drag it limping across the finish line in a finale that sucks the life out of the fandom forever.

Endings either leave you in an existential lurch staring at the ceiling, or in tears of joy or anguish, or frothing at the mouth at yet another cliffhanger. If you can’t answer ‘what does it all mean’ you have bigger problems than just your final lines.

People don’t have fan theories about your first page, they have fan theories about what comes after your last page. There are no rules to writing an ending and sometimes by its nature of being unfulfilling you become infamous.

Example: The ending of Mark of Athena, that prompted this dedication in its sequel House of Hades.

“We’re staying together,” he promised. “You’re not getting away from me. Never again.” Only then did she understand what would happen. A one-way trip. A very hard fall. “As long as we’re together,” she said. She heard Nico and Hazel still screaming for help. She saw the sunlight far, far above—maybe the last sunlight she would ever see. Then Percy let go of his tiny ledge, and together, holding hands, he and Annabeth fell into the endless darkness.

(one short Leo POV later)

Nemesis wanted him to wreak vengeance on Gaea? Leo would be happy to oblige. He was going to make Gaea sorry she had ever messed with Leo Valdez. “Yeah.” He took one last look at the cityscape of Rome, turning bloodred in the sunset. “Festus, raise the sails. We’ve got some friends to save.”

If you weren’t in this fandom when this book came out and ended with the protagonist falling into Greek Super Hell, to wait a whole year to find out what happens next—We lost our collective minds.

And then the next book opened like this:

Gettin’ a bit big for your britches there, ey, Riordan?

How you write your ending should reflect the kind of feeling you want to leave your reader with. In this case, it was anguish and despair and the pinnacle of “always leave them wanting more”. Maybe you’ve written a character who’s suffered constant setbacks to reaching their goal, and the final line is them at peace with, or without achieving it. Or it’s the final plot twist/reveal no one saw coming. Or it’s ambiguous, leaving it up to reader interpretation.

My favorite classical book ending comes from The Great Gatsby and while I had to crack open my copies of the PJO books, I know this line by heart:

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

There’s just something so melancholy and tragic about it, as it should be: Gatsby is not a happy story. That line is the answer to the thesis, that trying to live in the past and not embrace the future, not allowing yourself to move on, can only end in tragedy, and yet, so many of us do exactly that.

The image of a dinky little rowboat is always what I’ve pictured, as opposed to a ship or something more formidable. A rowboat bobbing around the thrashing waves, pitted against a force of nature it can’t ever hope to overcome, yet it endures.

The book opens on an equally melancholy note, “In my younger years…” as the protagonist reflects back on their life gone by. It’s an American classic for a reason.

Even if your final line is unspectacular, the line isn’t as important as how the narrator feels about the book being over. Quotable hashtags are great, but if the ending doesn’t feel like a proper fit, you’re going to leave readers disappointed.

—

Endings are so fricken fun though, no matter what’s at stake. It’s as cathartic for me to finish as I hope it is for the reader to read. There’s plenty of advice out there on the perfect opener or the perfect closer, the endless arguments over which is harder, and it’s all up to you in the end. They just come easy to me, I have no advice. I can picture them well before I get to the final pages and they just click into place. Beginnings, though? Ugh.

—

Thank you for 300 Followers!!!

[campgender]

is... is it ok to be stone without trauma??

short answer: absolutely hon!! you can develop & maintain whatever sexual boundaries you want forever 💖💖

long answer: people don’t have to conceptualize themselves this way if they don’t want to & i want to respect the perspectives + language individuals use for themselves, but in a political sense i believe everyone is sexually traumatized, because we’ve been raised in cultures with oppressive sexual ethics & expectations.

this is informed by Emily Joy Allison’s work on what she refers to (link) as “the sexualized violence of nonaffirming theology” — i consider purity culture & rape culture interdependent systems of sexual violence which widely produce what Allison conceptualizes as complex sexual trauma, ‘even’ in people without discrete experiences of specific trauma/violence (such as rape or assault).

i reflected on this concept a bit in a post last year (link):

stone doesn’t have to be an attempt to cobble together a new foundation atop sexual trauma but i do think all stones are, to some extent, sexually traumatized, because it is sexual harassment for a bunch of strangers to tell you what kind of sex you should have & how & with whom.

obviously not all stones have had our sexual practices directly invalidated by others, but most if not all of us have spent our lives being taught to have a certain kind of sex—from mainstream society, sex that prioritizes patriarchal power as represented by (in a system of enforced cishetero monogamy) the man’s pleasure over all else; in feminist & queer spaces, a reactive emphasis on egalitarian orgasms that ends up being oppressive as shit in its own ways:

not everyone can orgasm or wants to orgasm

not everyone wants to give other people orgasms

constructing orgasm as synonymous with pleasure is one of the major projects & requirements of rape culture, & contributes to the immense stigmatization of experiences categorized under PGAD + spontaneous orgasm

…& so on. furthermore, because i’m feeling particularly feisty today, i would go so far as to say that i & all stone victims/survivors need there to be stones without sexual trauma, or with complex sexual trauma that is illegible as such to society, or however else they define themselves (y’all define yourselves? an invitation without expectation), because if the legitimacy of my sexual boundaries is predicated on my victimhood/survivorship, then all society needs to do to invalidate my boundaries is convince me i wasn’t really assaulted, a project it’s been pursuing intensively since before i ever experienced assault.

i reject their movable goalposts, their game entirely; it is okay to be stone without trauma because it is okay to be stone. it is okay to be stone.

[sovlstr]

Ariam/Ven 🤍

I know I said that I’d introduce her as a selfship for NM, but honestly, it’s more less of a romantic ship and borderline on “frenemies”/enemies with begrudging affection. Thinking of Lego Batman and joker’s relationship, though Melanie x Trump is a good comparison as well. Big tall scary lady and her little boytoy minion(okay not entirely but u get the idea)🙂‍↕️

This was my first attempt to visualize her but I have also been mulling over her facial features for the past week so I generally had her appearance down.

I created Ariam to be a constant foil to Nightmare. That fly you can’t get rid of, that leech that constantly dries to your skin. She and Nightmare have been fighting forever, both trying to prove they’re the ultimate force, but realistically? Neither one can actually win.

I find it absolutely fascinating. Their dynamic is chaotically layered with reluctance but an undeniable pull toward one another. Two equal powers of evil constantly battling for dominance that are now… stuck in eternal stalemate. It’s makes for an incredibly engaging and painful rivalry that borders on misplaced intimacy, in its own twisted way. Ven’s mean, brutally honest, and absolutely loves scaring the hell out of people just for fun. She looks terrifying and uses that, taunting and unsettling anyone unfortunate enough to cross her path.

Ariams appearance is disruptive, abstract, yet coordinated. The lightning-like streaks running across her lower torso hint at an unstablity of her entire form- seamed together by what is truly scars lining her upper and lower torso. The black cloak that follows after her hair and wraps around her intimate parts adding to that illusion of negative space, it wraps itself around her breasts and stomach like a chiton fabric, giving her that strangely alluring deception of hidden limbs. The streaks running along her body give the impression that she’s been split apart and stitched back together by pure darkness. She’s a walking nightmare, and she loves it. With her nature as a chaos deity, Ven thrives on unpredictability, laughing in the face of order and treating the world as her personal playground of discord.(ehehheheeh)

While Nightmare thrives on corruption and despair, she’s more about mischief and outright mayhem. Where he is calculated and manipulative she is brutally direct, making their conflicts even more frustrating for him. But after eons of clashing, they’ve fallen into a rhythm—perhaps even a dependency… on another’s other’s presence. Neither will ever admit it but in a strange way, they get one another in a way no one else can. Killer and dust will refer to them as “an old married couple” due to their constant bickering and jabs to another. They even have a synchronized outrage at such accusations (and subsequent ‘punishment’ of the fools who dare suggest it). Killer being the most chaotic of the three tries to joke about it once only for Ariam and Nightmare to simultaneously snap at him, sending him bolting in fear. They occasionally engage in ‘couple activities’ purely out of familiarity or habit—fighting, exchanging taunts, forced cooperation when their interests align—but the second anyone tries tl put a label on it they lose their fucking minds.

Ariam is like Nightmare’s personal glitch in the system, an anomaly that constantly disrupts his flow. Nightmares subordinates are terrified of her. Not just because she’s powerful, but because of what she does to him. Nightmare thrives on negativity, but Ven is essentially a black hole of emotions—she never gives him anything real to feed on, just a never-ending stream of mockery, chaos, and whatever twisted version of “joy” she experiences through destruction. It’s the ultimate frustration for him. No matter how much he despises her, he can’t corrupt her the way he does others because she’s already pure degeneracy in her own right. She doesn’t need corruption, she is corruption in its rawest most untamed form.

Unlike Nightmare, who chooses to be what he is and thrives on suffering, Ariam is fundamentally incapable of experiencing real joy without destruction. She’s not seeking power the way Nightmare is, she simply exists to unravel things, to make others uncomfortable, to thrive in pure unadulterated shitshow. It’s another reason Nightmare hates yet admires her so much—she has no grand plan, no ultimate ambition. She simply is, and no matter what he does he can’t change that. Ariam isn’t the type to take sides because at the end of the day she doesn’t care— she just wants to see things burn. The only reason she teamed up with Nightmare would be for convenience, not loyalty. If his enemies become her problem then she might as well fight back, only because she’d rather not deal with the annoyance herself. And even then she makes it absolutely clear that she’s doing it on her own terms, not because she actually cares about his war. Doesn’t care who wins, who loses, what happens. As long as there’s destruction she’d be thoroughly satisfied. And if that destruction just so happens to involve making Nightmare’s life harder? FUCK YES?!!??

When she does fight alongside him, it’s a pure spectacle—destruction with literally no strategy, no careful planning. Nightmare is methodical, corrupting his enemies and bending them to his will, or putting them into the worst situation and manipulating that whim. Ariam? She just fucking flicks them. Making 20 anvils rain from the sky and seeing who gets crushed under one them while she sits in the distance with a shit eating grin. She’s the one to just taunt Nightmare mid-battle, making it a game to see who causes more shit and just completely ruining any serious strategy he had in mind.

[avalon-of-babylon]

Okay but like was Shaxs on Bajor/DS9 during the Two Emissary Crisis?

We know that before Cardasian occupation they had the D'jarra caste system which "Emissary" Akorem Laan had reinstated when the Prophets decided Sisko needed to pull his head out of his ass and sent art major racist grandpa to the future as a message. During this time, Kira was trying her hand at various mediums because she was in the artists caste, but what about Shaxs?

Did he actually learn pottery on Bajor because he was in the Ih'valla the same as Kira and is forever pissed having found peace and joy in what was demanded to be his sole purpose in life? Was he one of the Bajorans who rejected the D'jarra and started forming another rebellion so Bajorans could once again take their lives into their own hands? Had he already joined Starfleet by that point? Did he drop out, transfer or change departments for a week to better align with his D'jarra? Was he unreachable and only heard about it after it became a paradox?

Did he immediately commandeer a ship and start flying back to Bajor for the sole purpose of grabbing Akorem Laan and channeling all his rage into literally yeeting that man right back to the Prophets?

I need answers to the most inconsequential question ever.

[dissociativedollcherry]

Ana kan rik bezzaf

You deserve the whole world!!

You are my happiness the only treasure I adore with a complete passion since the day you came into my world;my life has never remained the same. You brought and endless smile to my face, amazing joy to my heart, darling I love you! My love for you has no beginning nor a end.(and no end) it is cyclical, like life. It is ever-flowing, like the oceans. And it is boundless as the sky and as vast as the universe. When I see your face, I see my past, my present, my future. When I hold your hand I feel everything inside of me expand. You are my everything. I will love you forever. When you came into my life I left all my past behind me, I just love this newly found love that is making me feel like a baby again,my sugar I adore you so much. I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a special person for their love. When I am next to you, I am always pinching myself to confirm what am I seeing is real confirm that what I am seeing is real. You are my everything that I ever needed in this life and I cannot imagine this life without you. I love, darling. You are my strength. You are not only the sails that steer my ship, but you are also the waves below that carry me. Without you, I would cease to have a backbone, as youare the entire foundation holding me up. I could never think of a day where you are not with me. I imagine if that day came, I would become weak. I would crumble into a coward. But together we are strong. We are unstoppable. That is why I love you. Listen to me okay? You're to me a best friend forever. I love you every second of the day. And I've never loved any1 as I love you. I cry over you not because I'm in pain but because I feel so blessed that I just can't hide my emotions. You are on my mind every moment. I've never missed any1 as I miss you. You are som1 special to me. Please be with me 4ever and ever. With ferocity filled with tendernes, you have caltured my soul every bit of me, making me feel like I'm the only person on the world. Life without you is like living without a backbone system. Your raft of live and kindness has held me afloat and will keep me on lighting our path. I promise to never leave you. Your mine and mine alone darling. Stay happy for me. <3 platonic ofc

omg.

I'm speechless, truly..

thank you so much meu amor, i've been going in and out of the app to just check in some things but this truly left me speechless and so comforted, my heart has been aching so much lately and you do not understand how much this means to me, i am seriously so happy to receive this, ilysm thank you for this<3/srs/platonic

you do not understand how much this helps me.

[multiplicity-positivity]

I going to vent. Im just 6 Im a little and I came out of the story Im from and I became an alter Im a introject but my moma didnt come with me. Im so sad. im so so so sad. Its like she died forever because shes not real any mroe and Im never seeing her ever again

🫂

(a little encouragement under the cut - feel free to ignore if you wish!)

Oh sweetie… we’re so sorry to hear that you’ve been missing your mom. It can be really painful to lose a special loved one or family member. Remember that you’re not wrong or bad for feeling this way - it may hurt a lot, but it’s okay and actually healthy to feel sad when you lose someone special to you. The fact that she never lived in the real world doesn’t have to make her any less real to you.

We hope the other headmates in your system can help you feel safe, cozy, and loved. Maybe try asking for something that could help you feel better for a while, like a coloring book, stickers, some bubbles, or a special blanket or stuffed animal to cuddle. And if you don’t have something like this already, a notebook of your very own where you can write and draw pictures of whatever you want might be handy - you could draw a picture of your mom to honor and remember her if you want!

You may never stop missing your mom… but hopefully you can start to find joy in your life again. It’s okay to talk about it and reach out. You’re welcome to talk to your headmates if you need to, and our askbox is always open if you want to vent here again or just talk about your mom a bit. We hope you can take care start to feel a little better soon. We’re rooting for you and we’re here for you if you ever need a listening ear 💕

[yoshiyomi]

You are my happiness the only treasure I adore with a complete passion since the day you came into my world;my life has never remained the same. You brought and endless smile to my face, amazing joy to my heart, darling I love you! My love for you has no beginning nor a end.(and no end) it is cyclical, like life. It is ever-flowing, like the oceans. And it is boundless as the sky and as vast as the universe. When I see your face, I see my past, my present, my future. When I hold your hand I feel everything inside of me expand. You are my everything. I will love you forever. When you came into my life I left all my past behind me, I just love this newly found love that is making me feel like a baby again,my sugar I adore you so much. I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a special person for their love. When I am next to you, I am always pinching myself to confirm what am I seeing is real confirm that what I am seeing is real. You are my everything that I ever needed in this life and I cannot imagine this life without you. I love, darling. You are my strength. You are not only the sails that steer my ship, but you are also the waves below that carry me. Without you, I would cease to have a backbone, as youare the entire foundation holding me up. I could never think of a day where you are not with me. I imagine if that day came, I would become weak. I would crumble into a coward. But together we are strong. We are unstoppable. That is why I love you. Listen to me okay? You're to me a best friend forever. I love you every second of the day. And I've never loved any1 as I love you. I cry over you not because I'm in pain but because I feel so blessed that I just can't hide my emotions. You are on my mind every moment. I've never missed any1 as I miss you. You are som1 special to me. Please be with me 4ever and ever. With ferocity filled with tendernes, you have caltured my soul every bit of me, making me feel like I'm the only person on the world. Life without you is like living without a backbone system. Your raft of live and kindness has held me afloat and will keep me on lighting our path. I promise to never leave you. Your mine and mine alone darling. Stay happy for me. <3❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ those r more than a hundred hearts

I counted

i feel appreciated and loved

[smoochies-snoopy]

@yoshiyomi

You are my happiness the only treasure I adore with a complete passion since the day you came into my world;my life has never remained the same. You brought and endless smile to my face, amazing joy to my heart, darling I love you! My love for you has no beginning nor a end.(and no end) it is cyclical, like life. It is ever-flowing, like the oceans. And it is boundless as the sky and as vast as the universe. When I see your face, I see my past, my present, my future. When I hold your hand I feel everything inside of me expand. You are my everything. I will love you forever. When you came into my life I left all my past behind me, I just love this newly found love that is making me feel like a baby again,my sugar I adore you so much. I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a special person for their love. When I am next to you, I am always pinching myself to confirm what am I seeing is real confirm that what I am seeing is real. You are my everything that I ever needed in this life and I cannot imagine this life without you. I love, darling. You are my strength. You are not only the sails that steer my ship, but you are also the waves below that carry me. Without you, I would cease to have a backbone, as youare the entire foundation holding me up. I could never think of a day where you are not with me. I imagine if that day came, I would become weak. I would crumble into a coward. But together we are strong. We are unstoppable. That is why I love you. Listen to me okay? You're to me a best friend forever. I love you every second of the day. And I've never loved any1 as I love you. I cry over you not because I'm in pain but because I feel so blessed that I just can't hide my emotions. You are on my mind every moment. I've never missed any1 as I miss you. You are som1 special to me. Please be with me 4ever and ever. With ferocity filled with tendernes, you have caltured my soul every bit of me, making me feel like I'm the only person on the world. Life without you is like living without a backbone system. Your raft of live and kindness has held me afloat and will keep me on lighting our path. I promise to never leave you. Your mine and mine alone darling. Stay happy for me. <3❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[corporatefrog]

╰┈➤ Welcome Back to the Channel part 18; coffee with chaos

✧.* featuring yn hanging out with Butters and having an important conversation : ̗̀➛ notes - here's the end of the "yn finds out" arc! we're ending it where it began with Butters because he deserves the world lmao tags - college au, superhero au, smau

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Sitting at the table was unbearably awkward.

Butters swirled his hot chocolate in its cup, hand jolting slightly when a drop flew from the top and landed on the table. He muttered a quiet apology before grabbing a napkin and cleaning the spill. Then he went back to sitting across the table from me, looking everywhere but at me. 

We both knew what this was about. When I texted Butters, asking to meet at Tweek Bros coffee, it had been after a week long silence in our communication. Our last conversation being the infamous Frozen on Ice incident. I'm not sure how much he's heard from the others, but if Butters didn't notice my tense demeanor, he would've already jumped into a story about his latest family in the Sims.

The questions wasn't whether or not something was wrong, it's who would say it first.

No way. I'm not playing around with this "ooo who's going to say it" bullshit.

I broke the silence.

“I know you’re Professor Chaos.” I pushed the words out before they could retreat into my throat. My thumb traced the lid of my drink as I waited for his response, running along the plastic grooves to focus my nerves on something other than the conversation at hand.

Whatever came next would change our friendship forever. I just had to be okay with that. To me, this truth was more important than a fake friendship where we both walk on eggshells around each other, both too scared to address the ever present elephant in the room. If a truth meant losing Butters, I wouldn't want to know the outcome of a lie-

“Oh thank goodness!” 

From across the table, I heard a shaky laugh.

I looked up to see Butters slouched in his seat, shoulders lowered from their previous tense position and hands no longer clutching his cup. A smile pulled at his lips, pinching his cheeks and crinkling the corners of his eyes with an expression of pure relief. 

I raised an eyebrow, not ready to let down my tense defense just yet, “You’re not shocked or surprised at all?”

Butters laughed at my question, the joyful sound kicking my own anxieties out of my system. Who would laugh that carelessly if they were worried? 

“Well of course I’m surprised!” He started, slamming his hands on the table with the grin still on his face, “Someone figured out my secret identity! I never in a million years thought that would happen!” 

Butters paused, toning down the explosive joy to a small smile and bouncing leg as his eyes jumped around the room, “But out of anyone who could’ve found out," His gaze returned to mine, "I’m glad it’s you. Now I don’t have to lie to you anymore!” 

A smile of my own crept onto my face, slowly growing until it matched Butter's grin. Weight tumbled from my shoulders as I straightened in my seat, worry no longer pushing me down. Everything's okay.

We're okay.

"Yeah about the lies, you really need to work on your alibis. That Frozen on Ice stunt was what clued me in.” I said, pointing a joking finger at him.

Butter's slapped his hand across the table, “Darn it. I knew I should’ve said we were seeing the Lion King.”

We shared a laugh about Butters’ bad lie, about the ridiculousness of the whole situation, about the fact that we were sitting dead silence, too scared to speak to one another five minutes ago. The world took on a brighter light as our laughed died down, leaving us both with smiles on our faces. 

“Yeah…” I said, not sure what I wanted to say when I started, just wanting to say something. “I’m just glad this is all over though. I was driving myself insane thinking I was some terrible person for thinking you were a good guy.”

“Oh, you mean because of those meanies on twitter spouting off all that bullcrap about dick riding?” Butters asked. 

Why is this the first time I’m hearing him say dick riding. I didn’t even know he knew what that was.

He’s a 20 year old who knows Eric Cartman. He knows what dick riding is. 

I jumped back onto the conversation, my surprise keeping me from responding, “Oh-uh- yeah. I don’t usually get swept up in online negativity, I think it just hit a bit harder because it was about me talking to you. And anyone who doesn’t see that you’re the coolest person ever is obviously the stupid one.” 

“You think I'm cool?” Butters’ said softly, eyes searching my expression for a hidden double meaning or snide remark to follow. 

We tell him we know his secret identity and THIS is what surprises him?

I reached across the table and grabbed his hands, “Butters you’re a SUPER VILLAIN. That automatically makes you the coolest person ever. I told you I think Chaos is absolutely an icon and I stand by that statement.” 

It was as though the rest of the cafe disappeared as sparkles shone in Butters eyes. 

“Well, I think you’re the coolest person ever too.” He said, hands returning the grip on mine. 

“Well duh!” I exclaimed, releasing his hands and I leaned back in my chair in the coolest sitting pose I could muster, “When you’re the two coolest kids in south park, you’ve got a lot of work to do to keep your rep clean.”

Butters nodded and copied my pose, staring off into the distance over the rim of his coffee cup as he took a totally cool sip of his hot chocolate.

“Yeah. Super cool.” He said, eyes observing the boring people who walked by our table of coolness with a steely gaze. I can see how he managed to keep up the chaos persona so easily. Butters really was the master of keeping a bit going. 

“You don’t need to worry about those jerks online anymore.” Butters began, waiting for our eyes to meet before continuing, “General Disarray found their valorant profiles and set up a bot to follow them into any game they start and target them the whole match. Their online lives are ruined.” He finished with a grin and I could see the shadow of Professor Chaos' electric gaze through his eyes.

Maybe they’re not so different after all. 

taglist [reply to be added]: @sula0kin @lacuna-at-dawn @anglettecolours @cocolena@sukisprettyface @feverish-dove @sweetadonisbutbetter @hand-writxen@mishstuff@sophtophie @triphovia  @lacunaanonymoused @inkedintothepaper @toodeepintofandoms@mmmaackerel @sillybilly-123@n0tangeliccc@sophtophie@inkedintothepaper 

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 92: Powerful

TWs in the tags

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At first, you and Kitty thought Jane was forgetting to drug Kitty, but it quickly became obvious it's very intentional. It's been three days since their last dose and they are definitely feeling the effects.

Jane takes them down into the basement every day. She sees how bad they're doing, she sees the withdrawal. She knows, and she's doing this on purpose. And Kitty is overjoyed.

They tried to hide how happy they were at first, worried that if they showed how much they preferred withdrawal to being drugged Jane would go back to drugging them regularly. But even when they slipped up, she didn't seem to care. Kitty thinks she's waiting for it to get bad enough that they beg for the drug, and that she'll be waiting a long time.

"I mean, withdrawal only gets worse for so long, right? And if this had a risk of killing me, or at least a higher risk than the other stuff Jane does, she wouldn't do it, cause that would be too painless of a way to die. So I have until she realizes that I'm not going to beg for it, which can be quite a while if I play my cards right, maybe exaggerate how bad it is… she probably wouldn't fall for that, especially now that I've said it out loud, but still!"

They're the happiest you've seen them in a long time. Since before you left with Barron, Diya, and Ray, actually…

Unfortunately, that doesn't mean they're doing well. It just shows how absolutely miserable they were while being drugged that this is preferable.

You don't think Kitty has been still once in these past few days, at least ever since the last remnants of the drug left their system. They are constantly shaking, constantly moving, mumbling to themself whenever they're not talking to you. They've been assigned two buckets by you and Puppy, one to carry around for when they throw up and one for when that one is being cleaned. If either of you touches Kitty at all they completely flip out, screaming about how no one respects them, no one cares about what they want and everyone just touches them for their own selfish gratification, caring more about appearing to be comforting than what they actually want-

And despite it all, they insist that this is better than being drugged. That they hope the withdrawal lasts a long time so they get longer to be themself.

You can't help but agree. They have more moments of misery, but more moments of joy too. You would like to help them slowly wean off the drug, to not have to deal with these symptoms while still coming back to themself, but that's not an option. Out of two very shitty options, this one is ever so slightly better.

You try to ignore the obvious: there's no light at the end of this tunnel. When the withdrawal symptoms get better, they'll be put back on the drug and back to freaking out about if they're even a person instead of freaking out over being touched. But that's okay. You'll be taking a sledgehammer to the walls of this metaphorical tunnel soon enough.

You're thinking about it all the time. If you could get some kind of weapon inside of her body, something that could destroy her over and over again so that even with instant healing she can't hurt anybody, and she wouldn't be able to teleport it out…

But you don't have anything like that. And to cast a spell that continues forever would have a high cost, you're sure. You'd be willing to pay almost any price, but you think you should explore your other options first. Preparing a spell like that would take a long time, and you want to get out of here as soon as possible.

You need to know why she's immortal. Maybe you could convince Jane to tell you? She did say that if you think you can figure out a way to kill her that she hasn't already tried, you should tell her…

Jane is powerful, but so are you, and it's only a matter of time before you find a way to get rid of her. Next time she's around, you'll ask her. What's the worse that could happen? 

~~

Puppy is near sick with worry about Kitty. They're only getting worse. Before, she could stomach it, even though it was awful, because Kitty was themself and choosing not to beg for the drug. She thinks she would choose differently, but that's okay. Kitty's allowed to be different, and if this is what they prefer she'll do her best to keep them safe while it's happening.

Except they just had a seizure and that's fucking dangerous and Master might actually kill them this time, what the hell is she thinking??

When the fever first started Puppy was worried, but still willing to respect their wishes. But they just keep getting more and more confused, and then they had a seizure, and that's not okay, she can't let this keep happening!

She briefly considers taking off her muzzle and collar just to tell Ja- Master that this isn't okay, that she can't let Kitty kill themself because they're having this battle of wills, but then she thinks of the last time she spoke without permission to save Kitty's life, of burning hot barbed wire all over her body, and she just… can't. Master said if she spoke without permission again, she would never see Kitty again. And speaking without permission is the whole reason she's muzzled and not even allowed to hum anymore. No, she can't do that. 

So what can she do? Kitty is going to die without this drug. She can't let that happen, even if it would end their suffering, because she's too selfish. She can't let them die.

Bunny is terrified too. They'd agreed to have Puppy watch Kitty tonight since she doesn't have permission to sleep, with Bunny sleeping on the floor by Kitty's bed in case Puppy needed any help. And fuck, if he hadn't been there, if she hadn't been able to shake him awake to see what was happening, no one else would know about the seizure. She wouldn't be able to tell anyone. 

"She's not taking them into the basement today." Bunny says, his eyes dark. As if he has any control over that. He's so angry lately, responding to scary things with threats and promises he has no chance of keeping. It's going to get him in trouble. Anger is only a liability here. But she has bigger things than that to worry about right now.

She needs Kitty to beg for the medicine. That's the only way Master will give it to them, and therefore the only way for them to survive. She grabs their face, forcing them to look at her, and then mimes taking a pill.

They stare at her blankly, rubbing their face where she grabbed them.

"I think Puppy wants you to start taking the pills again." Bunny says softly. Puppy nods in confirmation, pleading with her eyes. Please, I can't watch you die. I can't lose you.

"No!"

Without thinking, Puppy strikes them across the face. Bunny and Kitty stare at her in shocked horror.

It doesn't matter. They can hate her, it doesn't matter, so long as Kitty's alive. She mimes taking a pill again.

"'m sorry." Kitty mumbles. "Didn't know- didn't know she told you to make me. If I'd known I wouldn't have…" I wouldn't have made you have to hit me.

Bunny reaches out and takes her hand. "Right, you wouldn't have done that if you didn't have to. We understand."

Puppy forces down a twinge of guilt. That's useless here. She did the right thing, because now Kitty is going to beg for the pills and survive and that's all that matters. That's all that matters.

She continues to take care of Kitty until sunlight starts to come through the window and Master comes to take them downstairs.

"Please… please give me my medicine."

"Hm?"

Tears run down Kitty's cheeks. "Please, I want the withdrawal to end, I want you to drug me again, please."

Master grins. "Well of course! All you had to do was ask."

She comes to Kitty's side and gives them the pill. Puppy is so relieved she could cry.

"Now, we still have our project to work on-"

"Jane." Oh no. Bunny's going to do something stupid. "Can I talk to you in private for a moment?"

Master raises her eyebrows. "For a moment."

She walks out of the room instead of teleporting, and Bunny follows her.

They walk far enough away that she can't eavesdrop through the door, and she doesn't want to leave Kitty alone, so she doesn't know what Bunny and Master are talking about. Probably Bunny's insistence that Kitty won't go in the basement today.

Kitty has buried their face in their pillow, crying softly as they wait for the drug to kick in. Puppy has more trouble forcing the guilt down, this time.

She did what she had to do. She did…

It felt good. Horrible, but good too. She felt… powerful.

This is a dangerous habit to start. She hates herself so much it threatens to consume her, and she can't push it down no matter how hard she tries. She did what she had to. She didn't do because she thought it would feel good, she did it to keep Kitty alive. She did what she had to.

She grabs a pillow from Kitty's bed and joins them, trying to keep her crying quiet enough that it won't set off the collar.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Five more chapters before the start of season 4 :)

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole

[variousqueerthings]

I just imagine this person who comes from this planet. A traveller. This traveller appears somewhat human, but upon closer inspection is definitely not. Amongst one of their most non-human traits, they have the power to entirely change their body if about to die, making them functionally immortal (there are rules about this, but who knows the reality of how often this process -- called regeneration -- can occur). The traveller is established to have been exiled from their home planet from the word go, and seems to have stumbled over earth as a secondary home of some sort, alongside their grandchild

and then the traveller takes on a couple of humans, not intentionally, but it's not so bad, travelling with your family and new friends. But then their grandchild finds a reason to stay somewhere, so the traveller makes the choice to leave them behind, the first time this choice has been made without the consent of a companion. And then the humans leave, but it's okay, because there's a couple more humans coming onboard

that's relatively the template -- a strained, often antagonistic, relationship with their own species, and an ever-growing fondness for the humans who travel with them, whom they realise eventually do need to leave to live their own lives, because this is no life for mortals, but that's okay. Except increasingly it becomes more and more difficult to let go of these companions. many of them travel with them for a good long while, and maybe even expect it to last forever, but it never does. The traveller knows forever (or, near enough), and mortals couldn't comprehend it.

it's a manageable system. It's not exactly lonely, because there's always more companions to not fill in the gaps of the ones who left, but to take up new space. And the person (Doctor, their name is) even travels with a member of their own species for awhile, for the first time since they left their grandkid to a different life, and that's a whole other sort of joy, to be with someone who really understands

brewing in the back of all of this there's civil wars, and a growing hostility between their species and a species whose sole goal is to eradicate all life that isn't like them. And eventually the traveller has to leave earth (after eight or so lifetimes, it's hard to keep track sometimes) in order to fight in this war. and during the course of the war (which is incomprehensibly vast to mortal people), the former traveller's species change and twist into a version of themselves that would rather the entire universe is destroyed than accede. And so this person who is now something else, makes the choice to end it

but whatever this person did, and whatever this person became, is so antithetical to who this person usually is, that they completely repress the existence of this lifetime. For several lifetimes after, it simply does not exist

the person then changes again, but everything is different. Gone is the wonder of the universe, the warmth, the joy. The only thing that truly remains is the strange pull of humanity, and of course, the spaceship with which they keep travelling. And so the person eventually ends back on earth, reminded of all the ways that humans are an incredibly fragile, helpless species. Disinterested in getting emotionally close to them again, because the memories of war supersede everything, and they know nothing good will come of it. Except...

then a human being unexpectedly changes things. And the person -- despite themself at first -- clings on for dear life, because if this human is experiencing the wonder, the warmth, the joy, then so can they once more, through humanity's eyes. And they become the traveller again - Doctor -- but it's a journey to return to the right of that title. And maybe none of what came before matters, the war, the genocide, even having an own species to begin with, doesn't matter. The Doctor can convince themself that the two of them are going to travel together forever, because all those built up lessons of the past about the dangers of mortality and all those previous companions have dissipated to be replaced by one bright point on which they hinge their entire being

and then the companion is ripped away from them. And the next companion is scarred by witnessing a genocide against humanity (just like the Doctor witnessed, and caused, the genocide of their own people), and the next companion is taken too, and many many people die, and the ones who don't simply leave, as they should, and even discovering another member of their species survived only leads to disaster. The Doctor carries the weight tenfold this time, as the universe reminds them that they're a traveller not by choice, but because they have nowhere to go, and nobody who can stay with them

all the joy of that first companion after the war is ripped away, and every single hurt from every lifetime fills the gaps. for awhile that drives the Doctor mad, but even that passes, replaced by a different sort of will to live, despite it all

for the first time in their lifetimes, the Doctor admits that regeneration feels like dying, like someone else takes their place every time it happens, and that they're afraid of it. In this particular life, they feel unfinished, incomplete, broken. There's more to do, it can't just be all that pain and grief, they keep surviving in this body for a reason, surely, they have to survive because otherwise what was it for and how will they remember...

and then they die

and they become someone else

and the story continues, and they keep on travelling

[thequietkid-moonie]

You are my happiness the only treasure I adore with a complete passion since the day you came into my world;my life has never remained the same. You brought and endless smile to my face, amazing joy to my heart, darling I love you! My love for you has no beginning nor a end.(and no end) it is cyclical, like life. It is ever-flowing, like the oceans. And it is boundless as the sky and as vast as the universe. When I see your face, I see my past, my present, my future. When I hold your hand I feel everything inside of me expand. You are my everything. I will love you forever. When you came into my life I left all my past behind me, I just love this newly found love that is making me feel like a baby again,my sugar I adore you so much. I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a special person for their love. When I am next to you, I am always pinching myself to confirm what am I seeing is real confirm that what I am seeing is real. You are my everything that I ever needed in this life and I cannot imagine this life without you. I love, darling. You are my strength. You are not only the sails that steer my ship, but you are also the waves below that carry me. Without you, I would cease to have a backbone, as youare the entire foundation holding me up. I could never think of a day where you are not with me. I imagine if that day came, I would become weak. I would crumble into a coward. But together we are strong. We are unstoppable. That is why I love you. Listen to me okay? You're to me a best friend forever. I love you every second of the day. And I've never loved any1 as I love you. I cry over you not because I'm in pain but because I feel so blessed that I just can't hide my emotions. You are on my mind every moment. I've never missed any1 as I miss you. You are som1 special to me. Please be with me 4ever and ever. With ferocity filled with tendernes, you have caltured my soul every bit of me, making me feel like I'm the only person on the world. Life without you is like living without a backbone system. Your raft of live and kindness has held me afloat and will keep me on lighting our path. I promise to never leave you. Your mine and mine alone darling. Stay happy for me. <3❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ this isn't a love declaration btw and if it was it'd be platonic

My lady Jana-chan is so sweeeet to meeeee

This is the sweetest thing ever!! My dear Jana-chan I love you so fucking much!!! my platonically sweetheart you will always have a special spot in my heart ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thanks the lord for the day I met you!!! ❤️❤️

loveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveuloveu