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lamuradex · 10 months ago

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Short Story: Last Resort

Tales of Hero City Collection

Word Count: 4952

Comedy / Super Hero Short Story

The life of a henchman is a complicated one, especially after your boss retires from villainy. Unfortunately, the hero can't seem to get it through his thick skull that the boss isn't evil anymore.

Last Resort

The bartender stood behind the bar, cleaning a glass with a cloth. He was wearing a suitably tropical shirt, as the bar faced onto the beach, the waves lapping about thirty yards away, just past the sand and a concrete walkway. Customers milled around, one walking up and ordering a fruity beverage. The bartender smiled and quickly made the drink. Satisfied, the customer went to find a seat.

Ah, this is the life, the barman thought, enjoying the sea air. He glanced down to straighten his name badge. It read “14”. He polished it proudly with a thumb.

Then something caught his eye and his smile dropped.

Walking past was a sturdily built man in a trench coat. His face was mostly covered by a hat, dark glasses, and a fake moustache and beard. The efforts to disguise himself ironically made him stand out like a sore thumb amongst the bikinis and swim trunks of the beach.

Oh hell, 14 frowned. This was going to be one of those days. Still, there was time before it all went wrong. 14 reflected if he was getting paid enough to deal with this. He already knew the answer though. Unfortunately, he was.

14 had always liked his job, not that it had always been easy. But, at this point, he certainly felt like he’d earned his place. He’d scrapped with the best of them. Cut his teeth on the usual scut work. Gotten his share of broken bones. Hell, he’d even been thrown through a brick wall once or twice. That had put him in hospital, for sure, but he always came back, no matter how many superheroes tried to stop him.

You see, 14 was an evil henchmen, and proud of it.

Henchman 14 pulled back from his thoughts and glanced up at the billboard across the plaza. There he was, the boss, portrayed across the display. It was a face a villain could be proud of. Blue skinned, one bionic eye, and a massive grey beard of lightning shaped hairs. It was the infamous face of Mr Intellitron, which was advertising the new 3 for 2 offer.

The days had been when that blue mug would strike fear into the heart of a populace. Giant robots, death rays, and massive airships accompanied by menacing laughter.

Or, at least, 14 assumed it was menacing. He rarely listened to it. For as long as he could remember, it was always being filtered through monitors, walls, or bank vault doors. That was the life of an evil henchmen though. You never got to see the action until it was punching you in the face.

14 stopped from his reverie and looked around. The bulky man in the coat had disappeared. He considered going to tell security, or maybe to try and track the man himself, but another customer approached to order a drink. And the situation would sort itself out… hopefully.

As the customer left, she eyed the drink carefully, as if it might explode. 14 wasn’t surprised. Everyone knew who the resort staff used to be. Most had come with the boss, all former henchmen from the villain days. Not everyone though, and the interviews for new employees had been an awkward process, well-meaning crooks turning up looking for criminal work. Most of them were hired as security or accountants. Honestly, there wasn’t really anyone at Intellitron Resorts that didn’t have some kind of shady past. But they all deserved a second chance, right? 14 wondered how many chances he was on, and how many digits were in the number.

Henchman 14 had started out, many years ago, as just a hired goon. He’d worked his way up to grunt, then he was a crook, then a thug. Promotion was rapid in those days. And for a few years he worked for a crime boss, Mrs Elenor Tramridge, with 14 working more directly for her two behemoth sons, Brickhead and Kneecaps. They were nice fellas, assuming they weren’t trying to break your legs.

Eventually, 14 became a proper henchman, segueing into supervillainy when Tramridge divorced a villain and lost half her goons in the proceedings. So 14 was taken on by Battering Sam, a boxing themed villain. And from there it had started. Henchman work.

Honestly, it was everything he’d expected. Guard that door? Get punched out by superhero. Move that loot? Get punched out by superhero. Go operate that doom drill? Get thrown half a mile by superhero.

Of course, it was still criminal work, illegal by nature, but it paid and no one else was hiring. And 14 had worked for a few villains over the years, most just small-timers, and repeatedly got punched out by crime fighters.

And then there was Mr Intellitron.

Wanting a change, he’d applied for a job doing lab work, which didn’t sound too hard. All he needed to do was carry chemicals and not blow himself up. And, as a plus, he was far enough from the fight that he stopped getting punched in the face. It was a sweet gig. Intellitron would even visit the labs, and he’d shout at his scientists, but he never shouted at the assistants carrying chemicals unless they did something stupid in his presence.

But then the labs started getting targeted by heroes. In response, Intellitron started arming the laboratory staff, where 14 quickly discovered a proficiency with firearms, or at least the auto-aiming lasers Intellitron gave them. And apparently this was enough to impress someone, because he was ranked up to henchman again, and then all the way up to bodyguard. He was part of a small team, twenty men, all to guard Intellitron himself. It was the big leagues.

Unfortunately, Intellitron wasn’t one for names. He gave his bodyguards numbers, one to twenty, which of course made it easier to replace them when they died. But to a henchman it was a mark of respect. A rank. You had a duty. A responsibility. You had a job to do. It was truly honourable work… in a dishonourable sort of way.

Standing at the bar, 14 admired his badge again. He honestly preferred “14” to his real name at this point. Ed was so ordinary and plain, but the name “14” meant something. He was part of something bigger. Part of schemes and plots and ploys. He hadn’t even used his so-called real name in decades, and not just because of his criminal record a mile long. He really wasn’t fond of the name, which wasn’t much of a surprise. It had not been an easy life…

Since his youth he’d been through a lot. His parents had died, murdered by some lunatic in an alley, he’d had few friends, with most of them leaving his life in a dramatic fashion or dying with poignant last words, and he’d been caught in almost a dozen lab accidents even before he became a henchman… And to add insult to injury he’d had monetary issues since the day he could work.

14 sneered to himself. Supers thought they owned the monopoly on tragic backstories, but it was just most people went to therapy rather than stuffing themselves into spandex. But unfortunately, there would always be those who did. There would always be heroes.

And 14 had faced them all, more or less. Intellitron was a big time villain. Sure, he wasn’t as giant as Annihilator, or as powerful as the dreaded Dark Dragon, but Intellitron was still formidable. And those other villains were terrible bosses, with a habit of trying to destroy the world or kill their henchmen. Rumour had it Annihilator only started building robots because his henchmen went on strike.

However, Mr Intellitron was simply about profit and changing the world for the better. Sure, he wanted to subjugate people and occasionally used giant space lasers to destroy those that disagreed with him, but ultimately he wasn’t the worst of the bunch.

But heroes still came to stop him.

And so, over the years, Henchmen 14 had been punched out by every hero going. Big Hitter, Stealth Watcher, The D-Fender, Watch Man, The Wandering Fist, Melancholy, Fist Puncher, Big William, Undead Woman, The Cartwheeler, Elder Wizard, The Unknowable Helmet and even Gun Shooter. He’d been knocked unconscious by them all, but none more than one. None more than the mighty Justice Man.

Flight, super strength, telekinesis, and a bullet proof cape, Justice Man was the whole package. He was also a pain in the neck, sometimes literally. Always delivering heroic speeches about justice and honour, or sneaking through their bases in some ludicrous costume.

Pfft, 14 almost laughed. The self-proclaimed master of disguise, indeed. They always spotted him. Every time. It was obvious, the hero sneaking around in his trench coat. But Intellitron usually had a trap primed, so they had to let him through. Hell, on one occasion, Justice Man’s false beard had fallen off in front of Henchman 8. And when he laughed, Justice Man punched him.

That aside, Justice Man was a decent hero. One of the best even. Fast and strong, he could use his mind powers to pull robots apart, and he was able to hide under his indestructible cape to protect himself. And he beat Intellitron every time. Sure, the boss would make enough to keep paying the workers, but they’d often end up in prison by the end, but always ready to break right back out and start the whole thing all over again.

Ah, those were the days.

14 wondered where the so called “Master of Disguise” had gotten to. Any minute now, the hero would surely make his presence known. 14 wondered if he’d wind up getting punched in the face again. In some strange way he almost missed it.

Then he recalled having to eat meals through a straw. He looked back at the Intellitron sign, motorised so the villain was laughing over the wonderful deals. That was when some bodyguards ran past, heading towards the flume ride. Someone else had spotted the hero.

14 sighed. Some things never changed… Some things certainly did though.

It had begun when Intellitron had needed a new lair. Some hero, possibly Gun Shooter, had discovered Intellitron’s flying fortress and a team of heroes had blown it out of the sky. Months later, after everyone escaped prison again, the search for a new base began. Just a few weeks after that, Intellitron picked out a nice remote volcanic island, with lava moats and caves aplenty, with dozens of places to install traps and death pits. Classic.

The only problem was how noticeable it was. His previous lair had been near the edge of space. Difficult to spot. This was an island. A deserted island. Heroes would be watching and notice, especially Watch Man, given how much he watched things. To counter this, the boss came up with a genius solution… Actually, one of the henchmen had, but Intellitron robbed banks, it didn’t surprise anyone that he stole ideas too. The decision was made to build the lair underground, a holiday resort atop it to explain the traffic out to the island. Perfect.

Well, almost perfect. In hindsight, just putting everything underground might have done the trick. The resort on top just made it more conspicuous if anything.

Still, it worked. People flocked to the resort and henchmen became holiday staff. Mr Intellitron hid in the shadows, cooking up evil schemes and smuggling weapons to the main land on the passenger ferries. His crimes continued, he was arrested multiple times, as were his men, but the hideout wasn’t discovered. And everything had been good.

But then came the turning point. The day it all changed.

After-hours one night, the henchmen gathered and realised they hadn’t heard from Mr Intellitron for several days. His most recent plan, to take over the city with water-borne, microscopic, mind control robots, had failed when he discovered the robots dissolved in anything warmer than ice chips. A bit of a setback, but even so, within a day or two Intellitron usually would have a new scheme ready.

But this time no one had heard from him in nearly a week. The henchmen had to do something. They picked names from a hat to decide who would check on him. When they couldn’t find a hat, they used a twenty sided dice and 14 was chosen.

That night, 14 had knocked on the gigantic metal doors, the ones covered with murals of gears and electronics, which apparently no one thought was suspicious. When no one answered, he’d gently pushed the doors open and entered.

He still remembered their conversation, seared as it was into his very soul.

* * *

Mr Intellitron was sat in a great throne behind his desk, his blue skin and bizarre beard cast in the dancing light of the fireplace. Papers were littered over his desk, and the man himself was sat with a brandy in one hand, staring into space. If the brandy hadn’t been gently swirling, 14 would have feared he was dead.

“Sir?” 14 asked, his voice quivering.

No response.

“Mr Intellitron? Are you alright, sir?”

Still nothing.

“You’ve not given us any new orders, sir. Are you alright?”

Intellitron stopped and looked at 14, who still stood near the door. The villain’s bionic eye whirred and focused. He stopped swirling the brandy, placed it on his desk, and gestured for 14 to shoo. There was no energy to it though, the wave being far meeker than his usual commands.

“Sir? What’s wrong?” 14 asked, holding back terror at defying the instruction.

Intellitron stared into the fireplace.

“Is it something we did, sir, or some hero, or do you just need more time to-”

“We’re making money…” Intellitron cut him off quietly.

“Pardon, sir?”

“We’re making money. This resort is actually bringing in a profit,” the villain said, his usual malevolence tinged with something akin to confusion.

“That’s… great, isn’t it sir?”

“Yes. It is.” Intellitron picked up his brandy again. He didn’t drink it, just swirled it in his hand.

14 was worried. Something was clearly wrong, but he couldn’t talk out of turn. But he’d come this far…

“Is that a bad thing, sir? I mean… the men will certainly be pleased to know they’re getting paid.”

“We’re making a lot of money, 14,” Intellitron stated, glancing at tax forms on his desk.

“Alright?”

“We’re making more money than ever, 14. More than I’ve ever stolen. More than we ever made through villainy!” Mr Intellitron continued, his own confusion growing.

“What do you mean?”

“More than robbing banks. More than building robots. More than fighting heroes week to week. This resort is more profitable than anything I have ever done!” he snarled, his anger rising by the sentence. He stood from his chair to pace. “We have enough money to build anything we want.”

“Then what’s the problem, sir?” 14 asked, utterly baffled.

“What do I use it all for?”

The room fell silent. 14 thought. Mr Intellitron had always wanted to change the world. He used stolen money to build new inventions and weapons. But he built those weapons so he could steal money from the banks… so he could build more weapons…

They had always known their plans were a bit circular. Every villain had that problem. Fight the hero, get beaten by the hero. Occasionally a hero would get killed or the villain would die, but any endgame was difficult to plan for when you were likely getting punched by Justice Man before you got there. Most villains were passionate, if irrational. Following a dream but not a plan. Like dogs chasing cars…

But with money, there was no need to steal. No need to scheme. No need to rob or wreck or ruin. There was no goal.

And no endgame either. No purpose. No point.

“Why am I doing this?” Intellitron said worriedly.

And 14 couldn’t answer him.

* * *

And that had been that. There had been a few more vain attempts at villainy, half-hearted plans to steal high class tech, before they realised they had no use for it. They kidnapped the mayor, then realised they had no need for the ransom. They prepared to take over the city, but then couldn’t decide what they wanted to do afterwards. It was all so… pointless.

And so it ended. Mr Intellitron filed his papers with the Villains Bureau and retired from the world of villainy. The secret underground lab became the underground storage complex. The volcano command centre became the geothermal power station. The submersible escape tunnels became the oceanic marine tours. It was over.

Mr Intellitron turned from building weapons to building rides and theme park mascots, as all henchmen became official employees. Of course, the transition to the public eye had been tricky. But after six months without any evil incident, most people just decided to live and let live.

Except for Justice Man. He really had some trouble with the concept.

14 thought for a moment, then abandoned his post. He knew where the hero would likely go.

The park plaza was very busy, as a massive crowd surrounded the central stage. 14 hurried through, glancing around, but it wasn’t difficult to find the caped crusader. He was standing at the back of the crowd trying to look inconspicuous. Of course, in doing so, all hunched and shady looking, he stood out like there was a neon sign pointed at him. His fake beard was crooked for a start.

14 wandered over to him. The hero was wearing his long brown trench coat, an artificial nose, beard, moustache, and glasses. 14 reached out and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir?” he began. The hugely muscled man span round in his tiny trench coat. 14 didn’t bat an eye. “May I speak to you for a moment, away from the crowd?”

“I am waiting for the floor show,” Justice Man answered in a ridiculously high pitched accent. “Go away.”

“Sir, if you would just come with me.”

“I am waiting for the show,” Justice Man repeated. He shifted his beard uneasily.

“I know it’s you, Justice Man,” 14 stated simply. He had waited years to do that. “Could you come with me?”

Justice Man was shocked. His face fell and he gawked so hard his beard fell off. This was quickly followed by the moustache and glasses. The nose stayed put.

“Inconceivable!” Justice Man muttered, the accent dropped for his natural deep heroic tones. “How did you see through my disguise?”

The nearby crowd turned to see the hero standing in their midst. A few muttered about it, but most were unsurprised.

“Just lucky I guess,” 14 sighed. “Could you please come with me, sir?”

“I’m on a mission, civilian,” he responded, trying and failing to whisper.

“I realise that, sir, but would you please come with me for a moment?” 14 could tell Justice Man wasn’t moving. “It’s of vital importance,” he added sternly.

“If I must,” Justice Man relented.

With that, they wandered a distance from the crowd. The stage was still in sight, but they had moved to a more secluded area, where the only bystander was a hot dog vendor with a Number 6 name badge. Henchman 6 saw Justice Man and quickly made himself scarce, as 14 and the hero stood near the cart.

“Ok,” 14 prepared himself.

He looked at the powerful figure before him. The chiselled features, the dark orange and blue outfit beneath the coat, the fists that he remembered all too well. In this light, the hero looked almost like famed philanthropist Justin Mann. Henchman 9 had always had a theory that they were the same person, but that was impossible. Justin wore a cowboy hat, while Justice Man was bald. Also, they were seen together, once, seven years ago. 14 remembered because that was the same week The Doppelgänger had first appeared on the scene.

“Ok,” 14 repeated to himself.

“Now look.” Justice Man cut in. “I know I have many fans, but I am quite busy.”

“I’m not a fan,” 14 said calmly.

“Oh, don’t be shy. Now that you’ve met me, you can see what a true hero is like,” the hero beamed, finally removing the fake nose. “I mean, people need role models,” he smiled broadly.

“We’ve met before, but that’s beside the point.” 14 tried to look as official as he could. “I wanted to make sure that you weren’t intending to make a scene, Justice Man.”

“I’m here to protect innocent people from evil. People like you,” the hero smiled again.

“Look, I know but…. Wait. What do you mean people like me?” 14 halted. Something squirmed inside of him. “Do you not know who I am?”

“Should I?” Justice Man asked genuinely.

“You should! You’ve punched me enough times!”

“Why would I punch you, civilian?”

“Because I am... I was an evil henchman!” he growled, anger bubbling over inside him.

“For who?”

14’s anger burst.

“For Mr Intellitron, you half brain! I can’t believe you don’t remember me! I was the one who hit you with the magma ray three years ago. I was the one turning the crank when Intellitron lowered you into a tank of poisonous sharks. You’ve broken 12 of my bones, thrown me out of 9 buildings, and punched me in the face over 500 times! How can you not remember me?”

“What’s your name?” Justice Man responded nonchalantly.

“Henchman 14!” 14 spat bitterly.

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

Before either could say anything else, a loud shriek came from the crowd. Justice Man turned and flew, determined to save whoever was in distress. 14 however knew the floor show was starting and walked angrily after the superhero.

The way the show worked was a woman came on stage, acting all innocent and prattling about how it was a wonderful day where nothing could go wrong, then the stage lights would come down and from the shadows Mr Intellitron, or his stunt double Phil, would appear in the boss’s latest mechanical monster, laughing manically. The woman would do a fake scream and a fake hero would come out and save the day. Simple, corny, but it always drew the crowds.

It was, of course, the scream of the actress which had caught Justice Man’s ear. 14 pushed to the front of the crowd, just as the hero landed on stage between the robotic monstrosity, today resembling a kangaroo, and the actress. The crowd crooned excitedly.

“Stop, villain!” Justice Man called. The robot kangaroo loomed over him, hissing and whirring. The actress, Melissa, just looked annoyed that her line had been stepped on before her dramatic “Save Me” speech.

“You cannot stop me, hero,” rattled the metallic voice of the robot. A dome on its cranium was translucent and a figure could be seen inside, deliberately hamming it up with theatrical arm flailing. “I will kidnap this woman and rule the world!”

“Not if I stop you,” Justice Man answered, standing as heroically as he could.

Melissa seemed to realise that something was off script. A man in the crowd, who 14 recognised as stuntman Phil, was dressed as a generic superhero and looking nervous. Intellitron was the one in the robot today.

“Save me, hero,” Melissa warbled, before running off stage towards Phil.

And with that, Justice Man leapt into the air and prepared to clobber the giant mechanical marsupial. For a minute or so, it was like old times. The giant robot leapt about, dodging and weaving. Justice Man landed blow after blow, avoiding the giant mechanical feet. Lasers fired from the kangaroo’s eyes and briefly stunned the muscular hero, only for him to recover as Intellitron laughed theatrically. Finally, Justice Man leapt and gripped the robot with his mind powers, tearing the head from its shoulders and dumping it on the floor nearby. As Justice Man landed beside it, the dome slid open and Mr Intellitron flopped out melodramatically.

The crowd roared in applause. Beside the control dome, Intellitron wailed mournfully at being defeated, as Justice Man glared down at him. Henchmen 14 knew that look. It was the look just before someone got punched.

Fortunately, that was when Melissa came back on stage.

“My hero,” she marvelled, clinging to his arm almost to restrain him.

Justice Man turned to see her, and in response he posed as heroically as he could. Melissa stared up at him admiringly, then glanced nervously over to Henchmen 14, then meaningfully to a point in the crowd. 14 followed her gaze and spotted Phil and a group of heavily armed security, waiting for a signal. The signal didn’t come.

“Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen,” Mr Intellitron called proudly, clambering out of the robot dressed in a cliché scientist’s outfit, with random cogs and gears glued on for good measure. “Thank you to every single one of you. This has been a wonderful performance. And a special thanks goes to our hero…” He gestured to the caped crusader, only to freeze as he saw him for the first time. “…Our good friend, Justice Man,” he played it off.

The crowd burst into further applause. Justice Man looked ready to interrupt, but Melissa stepped in first.

“Please come back for our 4 o’clock show and our 7 o’clock show. There is also the 10 o’clock show, but that is for teens and upwards,” she called out to the crowd. Mr Intellitron waved happily, and Justice Man stood confused. 14 decided it was time to get involved. He ran over to the burly hero.

“You see, Justice Man? Nothing evil going on,” 14 reassured. “Just a stage show. Now, if you could be on your way…”

“Hold on, 14,” Intellitron called over. It was said politely, but that metal tinged voice still made 14 shudder. “I want to speak with our guest.” Even with villainy behind him, the way he said “guest” made it sound like “prisoner”.

“I will put an end to your evil reign,” Justice Man spouted. He still looked confused. “I will not rest until your evil has been locked away for all eternity.”

“And that’s respectable,” Intellitron accepted. “But there’s nothing evil going on here. Not anymore.”

“You say that, but you have evil robots.” He pointed at the wreckage.

“So does every theme park,” Intellitron smiled.

“That one had death beams!”

“Stun beams,” Intellitron corrected. “They didn’t kill you, did they? I can’t afford to kill my actors.” He glanced over at Phil, who was chatting with someone, angry about missing his performance.

“You were trying to kidnap a woman!”

“Her? That’s Melissa. She’s been acting here for 2 and a half years. I heard she also does theatre in the city. She’s perfectly safe.”

“But…” Justice Man was drawing a blank. His voice had lost some of its heroic depth. “This is your evil lair.”

“It’s a holiday resort,” Intellitron grinned. “Look, Justice, can I call you Justice?” Justice Man didn’t respond. “Justice, I understand that it must be difficult for you to trust me after our history.”

“You put me in so many death traps,” Justice Man reminisced.

“And what villain hasn’t? But you need to let this go. I’m not up to anything. The police, FBI, CIA, NSA and even the CSI have each been all over this island with a dozen fine tooth combs, not to mention the IRS. It’s all clean and above board. We even have The Wandering Fist as a guest hero every few months. I’ve put evil behind me.”

“And why should I believe you?” Justice Man said suspiciously. Intellitron seemed to mull the question over for a minute. Luckily, 14 had the answer.

“Because, in all the time I’ve worked here, I haven’t gotten punched once. If we were being evil, I would definitely have gotten punched by now. Or thrown through a brick wall. Or sent flying on a doom drill,” 14 stated, glad to be rid of such perils. “It’s the best paying job I’ve ever had, the safest job I’ve ever had, and by far the most legal job I’ve ever had.”

Justice Man looked at 14 and thought. He looked around at the park and all the happy people. He could see some people were forming a queue to get autographs from either Intellitron or Justice Man, or both. Finally, the hero relaxed.

“Alright…” he muttered. “But I’m keeping an eye on you, Mr Intellitron.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, old friend,” Intellitron smirked. “Though, if you do turn up again, could you be a bit more theatrical with the show? I normally try to make it last a bit longer.” He turned to the destroyed robot. “And go a bit easier on my machines? That will be hell to fix.”

“We’ll see,” the hero smiled, his gallantry returned. “Now, to meet with my adoring fans,” he proclaimed, wandering over to the growing line of people. Intellitron and 14 just watched him for a moment.

“That was a nice speech there, 14. Short but effective,” Intellitron complimented. “It’s good to know you enjoy your work.”

“Thank you, Mr Intellitron,” 14 said nervously. “I’ve been working on it for a while.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Me and the other henchmen have an ongoing pool over how long it takes before Justice Man thinks you’re evil again. Gives you time to plan how to get rid of him.”

“And who won this time?”

“Henchmen 12. I was just shy by a couple of weeks.”

“Oh well,” Intellitron patted 14 on the back. “Better luck next time.”

#writeblr #writing #lamura dex writes!#writing community #writers on tumblr #comedy #superheroes #short story #short stories #Tales of Hero City #02 #Henchman 14 #Mr Intellitron #Justice Man #I've finally started posting my Super Hero Short Stories #Heaven save me I've started posting them

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maguro13-2 · 7 months ago

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Demons Unleashed ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Gaiden Pt.22 ~

Scientist A : Hey, get a load of this. Looks like the magic has finally worked this time.

Scientist B : A brilliant scientific fact I might add. It looks like this girl was supposed to be cannon in Shattered Hero : Episode Maka. But the part canon, she may have strong feet. But she's having some beefy context over those muscles of an automail. And this one chick over here is some fiesty lieutenant, the one with the alchemy tattoo on her back. See this?

Scientist A : This is truly a scientific genius, we are so bad of seeing these two Amestrians with all the beefy goodness, this is truly the power of a God! A God with all of that meaty goodness!

Scientist C : But her melons are quite the enthusiasts, they're so hot, I wanna get my d*ck rocked hard on those sweet abdomen. It's what they say, their abs are as strong like a shield of God itself, these are the true powers of God we have ever found, it's called a Kami.

Scientist D : So this what we've been finiding out these two powerful gods, a god to metal and Alchemy!

Scientist B : My Lord, the greatness of these God are too relying us, we have to take shelter for groin treatment!

Shou : Why great Gods of Fitness, why do you have such beautiful bodies to endure the greatness to our voice. Why do you refuse to let me transcend you into beasts!?

Nina : Father! Stop!

Shou : Nina! What are you doing here?

Scientist A : Dear Lord! It's awake!

Shou : !?

Scar : Amestrians. You'll pay for your transgressions!

Shou : Oh no!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKING]

" 6 years later..."

(Clock ringing+stops)

Winry : (yawning and stretching) Why am I so getting up this big? Did I grew up eventually or this is just the beginning of a new me, all of that fiber gave me the drinking of life time, I wonder if it's milk and honey. (turns on the bathroom light) Ehhh? That's funny I looked different. (looks at the mirror to show her muscular body) !? M-My bod! My perfectly Tomboyish bod! I look like a Mechanic on steroids! (screams in horror)

(scene slides)

Roy : Come on, Author. You know that the new adaptation of the Chinese martial-arts manga is going to be out. I know nothing about a Chinese. Does Curtis look like you that is about to speak Chinese? Don't get me started on this. (hangs up phone) Sheesh! When do they ever learn about bringing a Chinese shounen protag toJapan, that is the real reason Japanese mangakas know nothing about making a shounen protag chinese.

Riza : Colonel, I'm taking Hayate to the park, I'll be back as soon as possible.

Roy : That's great lieutenant. Have fun at the park. (SMASH+CRASH!) Hmm? What the heck was that? Did she just broke through the wall? That wasn't supposed to happen.

Ling Yao : Well, it's good thing that we finally brought us some chinese food if we wanted to heal ourselves with a little appetite.

Winry : Good morning, fellas. How are you doing with the chinese food?

Ling Yao : Ehh?

Lan Fan : What the...?

Mei Chang : It's a wonderful day to get the job done.

Winry : Oh hello there, Mei.

Mei Chang : Mother of Maine! It's a God! Or is this that you, Winry? You looked kinda different.

Winry : Do you know where Edward and Alphonse are at?

Mei Chang : They're at the park, playing some of kind game that will test their strength from their teacher with Arakawa's other boys, those guys are from Juushin Enbuu, also known as Hero Tales.

"At the Park..."

[Empire City (Day) - Fumie Kumatani, Tomoya Ohtani]

Izumi : Alright, boys. Put some muscle into it! Get the job done! I want you and those Arakawa exchange students from China to be a in a Tug-of-war, prove to you that who will be the greatest.

Edward : It's us vs them.

Alphonse : You bet! Let's star pulling!

Winry : Sorry that I'm late boys.

Edward : Huh? I beg your pardon to step out of the league, but we're playing tug-of-war with the--Winry!? What did you do to your self?

Winry : How do you like the new me? A muscular Winry that is now a Kami! (taps on her abdomen) Oi, oi, I feel like this is a new me!

Edward : Would you rather be a muscle woman to carry all of that buffness of yours?

Winry : Sure! Allow me to demonstrate for you when it comes to small body men. (strongly pulls the rope)

Taito : WOAAAAAH!!! *Samurai Jack SFX : Collapse*

Winry : Totally that strong!

Armstrong : Wow! I don't know how to put my finger on this, but you lovely Rockbell, is an absolute beast!

Winry : I'm no beast...I am a Kami!

*DBZ SFX : GONG BANG*

Edward : Hommina, hommina, hommina, hommina, hommina…[Alphonse joins in chanting "Homina", and then the Hero Tales group comes in and starts to chant "Homina" as well.]

Riza : Hey there, boys. Did somebody "Homina" for these guns?

Edward : Oh hey, Lieutenant. Nice to see you dropping by at the park. You see Winry has weird transformation of her body and became something like a "Kami", but what's a Kami?

Riza : It means "God" and we became one as well.

Edward : Well, I don't see your point tho, cause that's--HOLY TOLEDO!

Riza : Nice to see you playing tug of war.

Edward : How did you become one like that!?

Taito : This is a body of a real God!?

Alphonse : What the heck have you been eating!?

Winry : Well, if you don't mind! I've been working out lately, it's not like that anyone sees me as a Godly being with this kind of body! When we're packed with hotness, this rich will become liquid! You don't want these guns do ya?

Riza : I feel good in my system.

Izumi : Holy fishpaste. Those are some buff bods you got there, if only you hadn't been drinking your milk, you would've gotten a perfect body if you have a small like your automail, she has a perfect complex!

Edward : What's that supposed to mean?

Winry : Well, Edward. You don't know who's height that got the best.

Edward : What do you even mean about our heights?

Winry : It means, you have a small body and I have a big body.

Edward : Did you say...Sm...Small?

Alphonse : I'm feeling like you're getting the hang of this.

Winry : I agree!

Riza : Well, it's amazing that I do have complex of my own, but these small body men has no appetite for being this big, after all, I am a God with a muscular body.

Edward : If only calling me Small Body Men would be a great insult, I would go green if turn my tummy into abdomen machine, it's not that personal if only drink that crap instead of drinking vegetable juice!

Winry : Sure you would, and that's not at all! I have something else to show you! (removes clothes to reveal her muscular body) Dadadaaaaa! Behold, the bodies of a true Kami!

Riza : So what do you think of our godliness, Edward? Feeling jealous to our godly bodies?

Edward : You're in public at the park! Would you please put some clothes on!? You're gonna get yourselves in trouble!

Winry : No! It won't hurt a fly! But here's what I'm gonna do.

Taito : (a person taps on his shoulder) Not now, bro. Can't you see I'm looking at two Fullmetal Woman who became muscular Gods or--(gets knocked in the air) YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! *DBZ SFX : Wall Hit/Crash* (moans in pain)

Edwatd : Taito! Are you okay!? What happened!? Oh, look. It's Nintendo.

Count Bleck : Sorry for man's behavior, I beg your pardon, great Kami of Fullmetal.

Winry : Who are you, strange top hat fella?

Count Bleck : The name's count bleck and I am the leader of this here group.

"COUNT BLECK : CHAMPION OF DESTRUCTION".

[Senator - Akira Yamaoka]

Count Bleck : But you can call me the Champion of Destruction.

Riza : Could you at least bring an opportunity of why are you here?

Count Bleck : Because...we're here to find the ones they call their selves the Pure Heart hunters...I, Champion of Destruction, have a created object that has a counter part made out of pure evil and darkness, I call it the Chaos Heart, this heart will allow anyone to make anyone into a pure bred villain of destruction. And I heard that you would offer me a Pure Heart, I pressume?

Winry : Yeah, no way! I'm not here for you, don't judge me in offering of yours, I don't really need an offer. But you got the wrong one here.

O'Chunks : Listen, lady! I'm mean green machine with a full cases of a knuckle sandwiches that lays a pounding. Like it or not, you're gonna tell me on whether you get the eight pure hearts from the eight vessels, we won't harm this planet to dust when the planet gets swallowed or swallowed by the black hole.

Winry : Hold the phone, are you saying that you created a heart that will turn someone or anyone into a villain?

Mimi : Of course, now if you tag along we might get orders situated in preparations for the ultimate powers of chaos.

Winry : I think not.

O'Chunks : Eh? What you talking about, smarty pants? Is that the reason that you are going to throw some kind of punch at me?

Winry : I think so too, buddy! *DBZ SFX : STRONG PUNCH*

O'Chunks : WHY DID I EVER DESERVE THIS!? *DBZ SFX : Wall Hit/Crash* Alright, *Train whistling* NOW YOU'VE REALLY MADE ME FURIOUS!!! LET'S GO, YOU AND ME! *DBZ SFX : Melee Flash*

Riza : How about no, chunky.

Winry : I told you, I don't wanna deal with a bunch of hooligans like you all the time. You insure that you're gonna fix Arakawa's other protag to get him for health insurance!

O'Chunks : Imbeciles, have you no rights to Gender Equality!? You women have no idea whom you're dealing!

Count Bleck : Enough! *GUNSHOT* Let's call this a no-fighting zone.

Winry : Okay...I think that you got the wrong idea here. I may not be the collector of the White Pure Heart. But someone else had it.

Riza : It's not me either.

Count Bleck : Then where is the White Pure Heart collector, the eigth and final collector. Tell me where is the heart collector is...or else your so-called girlfriends are gonna get the last laugh by torturing their soles.

Winry : Not my soles! Anything but my Soles! I'm not into fetishes, you twit! I remember who is the eighth and final collector is...and I bet it's not the elric brothers either.

"Meanwhile..."

??? : So this is it. (the White Pure Heart is shown) The White Pure Heart, the one that is connected to the beloved Iris. So this is what Demon Vibe was hiding from all of this. I should've known that the evil forces were from Soul World cleverly a diversion set up to destroy Real World AU and would take over the galaxy for me. But not on my watch, don't worry, I know how to take care of the galaxy and the universe itself. This Dark Fantasy bullsh*t needs to end. I got better things to be improved.

~ Stage 26 : Search of the Missing Heart ~

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