#suiside tw

[suxvi]

i’m tired

[thecrystalroom]

Kill yourself proshipper, you're disgusting

[coyot3walk3r]

What do yall do on a shitty day?

[slytherinsarcasam]

Tw! Mentions of suicide, depression and anxiety and mentions of abuse.

So its a bit over a month since i tried atempted to take my own life, and this was after i was a visit to mental hospital for 5 days.

This wont make a lot of sense but i will try. It was the first attempt i tried, but suicide thoughts is something ive had since i was about 14. I dont know how long ive been struggling with depression and anxiety but its a long long time.

I honestly felt like nobody cared, or loved me. I was so deep in these thoughts daily, i even had nightmares about my abusive parents actually caring about me. I cried myself to sleep and slept so little and honestly could not tell you what day it was.

And i was so so angry, for not trusting my siblings, and i somehow still dont. For not telling more people, but also for those i cared about and spoke to and for a few of them how i broke their hearts, how i made them cry. Mabye it made me more depressed i honestly cant answer that.

So i actually tried to kill myself, i still do, just not as strongly. But my sister saved me buy calling the ambulanse for me (dw it dont cost a fortune as i live in Norway)

And while i dont regret trying it was the aftermath that truly broke me. Not only did i see family and friends cry, people i love with all my heart. But what broke me was my oldest sister, my younger brother and my best friend. Seeing my older sister and best friend cry hurt me alot. But my baby brother, a person i have basicly raised since i was 8 hearing him cry over almost not having me around, was the one thing that made me into a sobbing mess. And i made a promise that day, for him. I will never try again, for him.

Sometimes i wish i tried to ask for help more, that i fought a little harder, and yet i could not and would not. I did not want to be saved in a sense. I am so used to the pain and not getting the help i need that the only thing i could think about, was ending it all.

I wish i was a better person, so that i regret my actions, so that they can feel safe it wont happen again.

But i think deep down we all know i am still a danger to myself and the only thing keeping me here is a promise to a brother only so i know he wont kill himself in response. Bc even if i now live a safe place and have a job, i dont want to be here. I cant see myself becoming old.

I hope i can read this back once, that ive healed enough from that abuse to not go back at where i am today. I hope i can keep that one promise, and become a better person only if it is for my brother that ive raised.

I hope i find joy in those little things, that at the moment looks like giant hills to klimb, bc i will never be able to do this for myself, only for others. And it might be wrong for me to only doing things for others. But until i find away to do it myself its the only reliable way for me to stay on this earth.

I hope i heal enough not to hurt others, bc i know it will be my downfall eventually.

And somehow i find hope in that, that i can eventually heal, i hope i do bc i have not been living since i was 14, i was surviving in a world i wanted to get away from, and i hope one day i can say im actually living. That ive apologise to those i hurt and also left behind this who hurt me...

Thats it for my little rant, if you read so far thank you!

[xvintagetears]

god i forgot how comforting sh is

[felixify]

Just found out about Moonbin passing away . I wasn't even a fan , but almost everyone loved him for his bubbly personality . Keep him in your prayers y'all

My condolences to his family and friends.

To anyone struggling by themselves , please ask for help . Talk to people you love . It's ok to struggle about things . Reach out and help will find you

[angrysheeptime]

Trigger warning imma be talking about death, suicide, mental illness. I'm only putting this here cuz I have nowhere else to put it and If I don't put my thoughts down I'll explode.

So my best friend (and technically qpp) has been suicidal for the entire time I've known them. Not actively mind you but it's been a thing, the thing is Ive worked my ass off to claw my way out of the pit of despair and no matter what they try that can't seem to get a good metaphorical foothold. I think there's a serious underlying chemical imbalance issue that isn't quite getting the proper attention but hey what do I know.

We where close for so many fucking years. They're not dead but I'm terrified they're going to be. We used to talk for hours every day but starting around a year and a half ago they've slowly stopped talking to me, I'll go months without hearing from them. At first I started all the conversations and made a huge effort to not let them slip away but my own shit caught up to me and I needed to pay attention to my medical shit.

We don't really talk anymore and based on vague posts in the gc they're getting worse. I'm terrified they're just going to off themself. I miss them. I want my best friend back. But idk I can't seem to pull them up with me and I'm starting to think with them not talking to me and starting to rely on other people (and religion which I get but still makes me uncomfortable) would it be better if things just stayed like this? Brake off the qpr? But what if they killed themselves because of it?!?

I'm tired and scared and just kinda dissociating from the whole thing.

[dobtknowwhat]

Czy chce ktoś popisać o zajebaniu się itp, bo już sobie serio z tym nie radzę

[atmospheric-cat]

When I see an ambulance

Part of me wishes it was for me

I know it’s selfish

But part of me wishes

I am in the back

Fading from the world

Or maybe

Hanging on by a thread

[grimozorg]

im so tired, i don't have any motivation for anything, i feel hopeless

i think i might do it soon, i will wait for after christmas, i don't wanna ruin everything for my family, but after that im gonna jump into the ocean and just let the waves take me

[the-ferocious-kittyrose]

Henry: I was... I was in one of my moods, before the show.

William: Yeah. Sometimes, before Henry goes on stage, he’s like, he’s slumped over, with his head in his hands, and like a worker comes up to him, and he’s like, “hey man, can I get you anything?” And- and what did you say? Like um... “I’d like a high tree and a noose” hehe???

Henry: Haha! “A noose and a dramatic tree.”

William: Yes! And then the guy came over to me afterwards, and was like, “is Mr. Emily okay?” And I was like, “yeah. When he’s like this, just leave him alone, just give him some space. He’ll be fine.”

I haven’t watched game grumps in a few years but this clip perfectly captures Henry Emily’s personality, in my opinion. He’s chill, but sometimes he gets lost in his own head.

[harmcityherald]

Two blood

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

I never understood the true meaning of a guilty pleasure till I found this god forsaken fucking song 💀

It's catchy & that's why I like it but god it's so. fucking. bad. 💀

I am 90% sure it's AI, but just cause the inflection I'm assuming it's meant to be satire? & I personally interpret it as satire; and as satire I find it hilarious.

I don't hate men, I partally am man

I don't endorse cocain or other hard drugs- just wanted to mention that I guess??

And there's a whole album of these, 1 of them is "Notes App Girls" 💀 (also bad but catchy 😂) and DEAR GOD HOW DID I FORGET "TWINK BEST FRIEND FOREVER" 😭😭😭

"Notes app girls do a sparkle slay ✨️✨️"- Notes App Girls.

"Every girl needs: her gay best friend 😋! A girl & her twink until the end 🥰"- Twink BFF... that sure is something... idk what it is but it's surely ~something~!

"I love doing cocaine with my friends, it's a coked up friend adventure ✌️🤩"- Coked Up Friend Adventure.❓️❓️❓️❓️❓️ H W I Y (why)

"Ever since I was a little girl I always knew I wanted to kill myself 🥰"- Girls Like Me. I mean- mood fr 😎👉👉, (not even joking my childhood was shit at some points lmao 💀) but also GOD THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING ASS BUT I LOVE IT 😂

I think it's the contrast of the instrumental vs the lyrics vs the inflection in her "voice"(?... Again, I think it's AI)

I hate it SO MUCH. but I also love it in an extremely twisted horrible way that I dispise is even physically possible

This specific wheezing gif feels apeopriate lol

[im-so-fucking-tired]

Hi- uhh- so yaaa.

I'm not *too* horrible rn, but I dont feel great & want to talk to someone, but I'm kinda scared to text hotlines cause pretty much everything I see has ppl having the police called on them for wellness checks, and I'm not up for that for so many reasons & that'll make my shit worse- sooo I guess I'm looking for updated info on if that's true or not? Cause, granted, a lot of that is from 5+ year old comments on youtube.

Also, dose trevor project chat/texts show up for other ppl in any way? Like on life 360 or the owner of my phone services (family member paying for it)

Personal health disclaimer: I'm not actively about to kill myself, I just feel numb & or extremely irritated in general and I'm disosiating alot and I'm thinking about "it" passively a bit too much for comfort ✌️

[xvintagetears]

okay i’m actually feeling extreme hatred for myself today

[shketchark]

Writers/story makers, do u ever have the struggle of "I have this 1 story that is my child & I'll love it forever" (no matter how bad it may be in hindsight ngl u just like it), "but I want to work on smth else." The "but my brain baby is so good I can't think of anything else but I need smth less serious & more light cause brain baby has death & depression at every turn in it, I just want smth light to make up thats all cutsey"

*finnaly has cutsey idea*

"Fuck I made it edgy again- HALP ME"

I think I have a story idea that's harder to have darker themes now but I have no promises ;>