#suddenly remembered wait didn’t I put something drafts one hundred years ago

[devicecontact]

Doodle from like may I never posted ? Cute I guess

Had this in drafts for so long take a scrap boy

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Gavin’s Dangerous Night Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 危夜之约, which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Do note that this date features S2 Gavin, but doesn’t contain S2 spoilers.

Timeline: The STF Filming Plan -> Dangerous Night Date -> Saving the Young Troublemaker Project

[ This date was released in CN on 28 Sep 2020 ]

Female Anchorwoman: Next, our focus is on breaking news.

On the television, the two words “Breaking News” are displayed on Loveland Night News. The female anchorwoman looks into the camera and starts presenting the news. 

Female Anchorwoman: Around 10pm today, a building in the suburbs of Loveland City collapsed for reasons still unknown. According to sources provided by eye-witnesses, the building was part of a certain estate development project, and has not been put to use. Typically, no one goes in or out. But this does not eliminate the possibility of people being trapped within. The municipal administration has expressed that this incident could have been caused by Evol. The STF has been engaged to carry out a rescue mission. Loveland Night News once again calls citizens...

Squadmate: Captain Gavin, we’ve contacted the base. The search and rescue dogs will be here soon.

Gavin sits on a chair, his legs crossed as he pulls the strings on his leather boots tightly.

Gavin: Got it. We’ll set out once the search and rescue dogs are here. 

Squadmate: Yes.

Gavin stands up, adjusts his equipment to a comfortable level, then picks up his phone on the table. 

The phone displays the time: 22:59. It’d take an hour to reach the collapsed building. 

Gavin taps on a message he received three days ago. The sender is MC.

Message from MC: Gavin, when I was out for location scouting, I discovered a slightly strange building in the suburbs of the city. There seems to be special Evol fluctuations inside. 

Message from MC: Does the STF want to make some time to investigate?

Message from MC: Just to be clear - I’m really not joking this time. 

His response was: I’ll take a look next week.

There’s a cute emoticon in the white message bubble opposite. 

And the conversation ended there.

The response section still retains the draft he didn’t send at the time: Don’t go there alone.

By the time images of the collapsed building appeared in the news, the surrounding area had already been cordoned off.

Gavin makes a call... “du”, “du”, “du”, again and again.

When the female automated voice resounds, Gavin hangs up.

---”the number you have dialed is currently unavailable.”

-

It’s dark.

I open my eyes, attempting to stand up in the dark. 

MC: ...I’m not dead. 

I rub the dull ache at the back of my head, panting while my heart flutters with fear. 

The collapse of the building happened so suddenly. I instinctively ran to a corner to hide. From the looks of it, that decision saved my life. 

I reach out to feel around my surroundings--

There’s a wall in front of me. It’s slanted, so it must have fallen. It just so happened to shield me from broken stones that fell.

But precisely because of this, I’m stuck in a narrow space and can’t really stand up.

MC: Cough, cough cough...

My mouth is filled with the taste of dust, and I don't know how long I've lost consciousness. 

The building was swaying very violently when it collapsed. I couldn’t stand steadily at all, and my entire body collided with a wall. 

I return to my senses, using both hands to feel the ground.

My phone... I remember gripping my phone the entire time.

No one knows that I'm here. This unfinished building has been left empty for several years, so no one might come to my rescue. 

I need to hurry and find a way to call for help.

Air is still flowing here, so there’s no danger of oxygen deprivation. But I can only survive for 3 to 4 days without a water source. 

Before the building collapsed, I was in the basement level. Logically speaking, it’s near the surface, but I can’t tell if the upper floors are crushing on it...

The wall above me doesn’t seem to be able to hold much more weight. If it gets weighed down slightly, there’s a risk of a collapse.

I frantically feel around the mess on the ground - it’s all pieces of rock, broken steel bars, glass shards...

Suddenly, I see a single, cold ray of light--

The phone touchpad recognises my fingerprint, lighting up the screen. I hurriedly pick up the phone, and on it displays: “2 Missed Calls”.

MC: Gavin. 

Upon seeing this name, the tautness in my heart suddenly relaxes. 

I immediately give him a call. The “du”, “du” of the dial tone resounds in the empty and quiet darkness, amplified infinitely. 

Countless thoughts fly across my mind--

Maybe Gavin is resting. Maybe he’s on an important mission. Maybe he isn’t in Loveland City now...

“du”, “du”, “du”...

When the fifth beep sounds, I’ve already set down the phone, preparing to hang up.

Gavin: Where are you?

MC: Gavin!

I suddenly hear Gavin’s voice. I stare at the screen and am stunned for a moment.

And react immediately!

MC: Gavin! The unfinished building in the suburbs I told you about just collapsed. I’m trapped in it, in the basement--

Gavin: Got it.

His voice is overly calm, which I find odd.

MC: You already know about the collapsed building? 

Gavin’s calm voice drifts from the phone, mixed with the clamour of his surroundings. 

Gavin: I’m in charge of tonight’s search and rescue mission.

MC: ...

MC: ...haha! That’s great.

Gavin: What’s wrong?

MC: Nothing much, I just feel the happiness of a disaster survivor.

Gavin: I haven’t even rescued you out yet. 

MC: With you around, there won’t be a problem. 

Gavin breathes composedly, as though not knowing what to say.

Gavin: If you were afraid of death, you shouldn’t have gone running around in the middle of the night. 

Gavin: ...I can’t leave out a single reminder.

Gavin raises his volume. 

Gavin: Where were you before the collapse? 

MC: The carpark in the underground basement.

Gavin: I’m looking for you now. Take care of your own safety.

MC: Hold on. Gavin, there’s no hurry to look for me. I was only here for a short while and there won’t be any danger. But I saw some vagabonds staying here at night. There are definitely other people in this building. Save them first!

Gavin is silent for a few seconds.

Gavin: The STF will not decide who it will save first or later. I’ll save everyone.

-

I don’t want to wait here alone, so I don’t hang up even after a long time. 

Neither does Gavin.

Sometimes, the sound of Gavin and other members of the STF would drift from the phone. 

Gavin: Do you have the plane figure of the building?

Squadmate: Got it. Captain Gavin, we’ve asked around the vicinity, and there are a few vagabonds living in this building. Most of them are on the third or fourth floor. 

Gavin: There’s been a rainstorm these two days. This building doesn’t have covered windows. Locations near the windows will be drenched from the rain. They should be in the middle parts of the floor. Two people per group - bring the search and rescue dogs and begin the operation.

Squadmate: Understood!

I hug the phone in contemplation.

Before sending Gavin the message, I had already visited this building a few times to investigate. 

I familiarised myself with all the entrances and exits to have the confidence to deal with any surprise situations. But I completely didn’t expect that this would happen.

Gavin: [with a gentle voice capable of making flowers bloom] Are you all right? 

After a moment, I realise that Gavin is talking to me. 

MC: Huh? I’m fine.

I look at the time displayed on the phone - It’s already 1am.

Gavin: Are you sleepy? 

MC: ...I’m not that brave. How could I be drowsy under such circumstances?

Gavin: The scope of the basement level is too large. I need a more detailed lead.

MC: Are you holding the plane figure of the building?

Gavin: Yes. Relate your route to me.

MC: I came in using the east entrance, and planned to take the stairs up from the fire exit. So I should have been heading west.

The sound of a finger gliding across the paper can be heard. 

Gavin: During the collapse, did you see the fire exit?

MC: I didn’t. It was probably around a hundred metres away. I’m currently trapped in a corner. The structure here is pretty stable, so it could be a load-bearing wall.

Gavin: I know your approximate location. Wait for me.

MC: Mm.

Hearing my soft sigh, Gavin laughs. 

Gavin: Are you afraid? 

MC: Maybe a little. It’s a new experience in life, so of course it’d scare someone.

Gavin: Knowing what it means to be afraid is a good thing. If I didn’t come, how did you plan to rescue yourself?

MC: There’s no such “if”. The moment I felt something was amiss, I gripped my phone and wanted to give you a call.

I hold onto the phone, staring at the light on the screen, and staring at the word “Gavin” on it.

Just this name alone harbours the ability to make one feel at ease. 

Gavin: You’re so certain that I’d come rescue you?

MC: Mm! Captain Gavin is someone who will never leave a single Loveland City citizen in the lurch.

Gavin ignores me. 

MC: ...

MC: Have you found the other people who are trapped? 

Gavin: We’ve found two. They’re being rescued now. 

MC: That’s fast...

Gavin: STF’s search and rescue dogs have undergone professional training. They can accurately locate people who are trapped. 

MC: Search and rescue dogs? 

??: Bark!

A bark suddenly drifts from the other end of the line. 

Gavin: Little Grey should have found you.

MC: Little Grey? What a careless name... Were you the one who named it?

Gavin: What’s wrong with the name?

...I don’t give him a response.

In the darkness, I seem to hear sounds from above. 

Tiny rocks are pelting from above. The steel bars seem to be weighed down by something, releasing a whimpering sound.

Gravel and dust rustle as they fall...

MC: Gavin!

MC: Leave quickly. Bring your men and leave immediately, it’s dangerous! There’s going to be a second collapse--

Gavin breathes, as though he’s about to speak, but doesn’t. He quickly issues out orders. 

Gavin: Everyone, take note. Evacuate immediately. I repeat - Evacuate immediately! 

I hug the phone, not sure what I should say to Gavin.

Gavin: [with the gentlest of voices] MC, you’ll be okay.

His voice carries with it his usual confidence.

Gavin: I guarantee. 

I press the phone to my ear, capturing every breath in his voice. After adjusting my breathing, I raise my volume.

MC: You have to leave quickly, don’t stay here! I’m very safe where I am. Shouldering another collapse is no problem!

The creaking of the steel bars grows closer. I’m not sure if it’s just my misperception, but the wall above me seems to have caved downwards slightly.

Already set to the lowest brightness, my screen becomes even dimmer.

A few large rocks pelt down in front of me, channelling large gusts of dust. 

MC: Just bring Little Grey to look for me later, I...

Rumble!

-

The building collapses once again, causing dust clouds to billow.

The STF team members have rescued two elderly folk who are in their fifties, who collect scraps for a living. 

Gavin stares at the ruins in front of him wordlessly.

His eyes are mixed with imperceptible, repressed emotions. It’s as though underneath the tranquil ocean hides turbulence and fierceness. 

The searchlights illuminate the location he was standing at just now, and the search and rescue dogs had already sent a signal to him -- it meant that his target could have been under his feet.

Maybe only five metres away. Maybe three metres.

Gavin: Everyone--

He squats down, rubbing the nape of the rescue dog, pulling on its leash again.

Seeming to sense something out of the ordinary, they wag their tails at Gavin, as though comforting him without words.

With a heavy gaze, he looks towards the two rescue dogs, as though he’s handing over all his trust. 

Gavin: Recommence the search and rescue operation. Be sure to rescue everyone who has been trapped.

-

The phone has already exhausted its battery, and has shut off automatically.

I’m huddled in a corner, trying to reduce the amount of energy expended.

I know that the slanted wall has already collapsed, and is hanging above. Maybe the steel bar didn’t snap, which is why only half of it has weighed downwards.

There’s a wall behind me, and a gigantic fallen rock in front. I don’t have any space to move.

But it’s far too dark. I can’t check the condition of the wall behind me, and I don’t know how much longer it can hold. 

MC: Gavin. 

There’s nothing I can do. I lean on the wall and wait patiently. 

I know he’ll come.

MC: ...

A few hours pass, and I hear some sounds from above, but they disappear into the darkness quickly. 

Perhaps knowing that Gavin will definitely appear, the fear and anxiety in my heart dissipates with the passage of time. 

The most distinct feeling is tiredness. 

Maintaining my posture of sticking close to the wall, my back is hunched, and I’ve been sitting until my bottoms hurt.

Time passes so slowly here. Every second is elongated. 

The physical fatigue I’m experiencing tells me that an entire night has gone by.

In the middle of sleeping and waking, a bright light suddenly appears before my eyes...

I immediately turn my back towards it -- as expected, in the next instant, a strong wind suddenly lifts the tiles and bricks in my surroundings.

I lift my head to see Gavin standing above the ruins. 

The sun is faintly discernible behind him and the layers of clouds, illuminating a faint glow in the blue horizon. Wind brushes his fringe, revealing that pair of resolute amber eyes. 

Gavin: Are you okay?

His voice is very light, and exudes a rare fatigue. It seems he has been busy the entire night. But a faint smile still hangs at the corners of his lips. 

...as compared to the wry smile I’m wearing now, Gavin seems more like the disaster survivor.

Gavin: Give me your hand!

He takes a step forward, reaching out to me. I hurriedly hold onto it, but I don’t want my entire self to be towed away by him.

My vision is turned upside down. Gavin suddenly hoists me onto his shoulders.

MC: ...Gavin?!

I see that under his protective gear, his shirt is drenched with sweat, sticking to his broad back.

Reason tells me to put up a bit of a struggle. But after hanging by a thread between life and death for an entire night, I seem to be unable to triumph over the tiny greed in my heart.

The doctor from the ambulance comes over to help, but Gavin waves a hand at him, signalling that there’s no such need.

He walks forward by around ten metres, leaving the site of the ruins. He sees me down on the hood of a STF car. 

His brows are furrowed, looking as though he’s suppressing his emotions. My gut feeling tells me that he’s angry.

MC: ...I was wrong! I was wrong because I shouldn’t have gone running around in the middle of the night, and troubling the STF to rescue me. As for using the community’s resources, I’ll be sure to do a serious self-reflection.

MC: I guarantee that this is the only time. There won’t be a next time! 

Gavin was probably about to say those things to me, and didn’t expect that I’d acknowledge everything. So he remains silent for a period of time.

Although are elements of a joke in my words, I shoot him a resolute, apologetic and sincere expression.

I know that he’s worked hard for an entire night, and has been worried for an entire night. 

After a moment of silence, he releases a faint sigh. 

Gavin: You said it yourself - there won’t be a next time.

While he speaks, he reaches out to place a hand on my head--

MC: Ah it hurts...

The back of my head suddenly hurts, and I exclaim softly. When I reach out to touch it, I discover that there’s a big lump on the back of my head.

Gavin: You’ll only learn your lesson after experiencing some pain. I’ll send you to the hospital for a check up later.

MC: No need, I...

Information must have been sent through his earpiece. Gavin lifts his hand to signal that I should be quiet. He leans his head to the side, listening seriously.

Thinking that the search and rescue operation has yet to be completed, and that he definitely has other things he’s busy with, I hop down from the hood of the car, making a “I’m off” hand gesture towards him.

The world around me suddenly darkens a few times--

My legs grow weak, and my vision dims. Dimmer and dimmer...

Just before I lose consciousness, I seem to feel Gavin’s hand on my cheek, the rough fabric of the military gloves, his calloused finger pads...

I feel it all.

-

Doctor: The nuclear magnetic resonance shows that it’s just a mild shock of the brain. It’s nothing serious. The loss of consciousness is only temporary. It could also be due to low blood sugar levels and insufficient rest.

Doctor: If you’re worried, she can remain in the hospital for observation for two days. Are you a family member of the patient? I’ll bring the documents over in a while.

Gavin: All right.

With a sound of acknowledgement, the doctor leaves the ward.

The girl lying on the bed hasn’t regained consciousness. The IV on the back of her hand is strung to glucose.

Gavin walks over, reaching out to brush aside her fringe, which is damp with sweat. His brows furrow slightly, as though he’s angry. As though he doesn’t know who he should be angry with.

Gavin: ...why are you so bold - daring to go anywhere on your own.

He sits on a chair in front of the bed, leaning against the back of the chair in fatigue.

His deep gaze sweeps past her pale cheeks and haggard shoulders, stirring up great waves within his eyes which differ from usual.

After a while, deep breathing fills the quiet room.

Sunlight pours in through the curtains, chasing away all the darkness and unease of the night before.

-

Phone call: here

-

🦮 MOMENTS 🦮

Gavin’s Post: The team received a box of canned dog food.

MC: I don't know the address of the base for search and rescue dogs, so I could only send them to you.

Gavin: Got it. I’ll send it to the base.

-

Gavin’s Post: The team received a box of canned dog food.

MC: I sent it - it’s for Little Grey.

Gavin: They don’t eat outside snacks, but I’ll convey your kind regards to them.

-

Gavin’s Post: The team received a box of canned dog food.

MC: Only cans of dog food? Captain Gavin, check the box again...

Gavin: A silk banner for Little Grey? All right, I’ll accept it on its behalf.

[oftenderweapons]

hi anna dear, i'd like to place an order for a white wine + charcuterie board + french onion soup + monte cristo? thank you <3

Pairing: Seokjin x reader

Wordcount: 1.4K

Genre: Fluff, Romance, strangers to lovers

Rating: GP (general public)

This is for my sweet Beezy, and Beezy only. I’m sorry this came super late but I’ve been keeping it in my drafts for a while, I was so unsure about it!

Happy very late birthday!!! May you be safe and happy and loved 🥰💜✨You’re the most special aunt I could ever wish for. This world would be a better place if all kids on the Internet could have an aunt half as special and magical as you.

(before I leave you to your gift let me thank @hobiandsprite and @joheunsaram for their moral support and helpful advice, as always. I love you.)

Enjoy 💜✨

>This drabble was a request for Bangtan Bistro. Requests for this drabble game are now closed<

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mention of stress due to work; briefest mention of family loss (grandparent).

————— The Order —————

White Wine: Kim Seokjin

Charcuterie Board: Romance

French Onion Soup: “After getting caught in the rain you decide to spend some time inside a rather empty café, making good conversation with the attractive owner.”

Monte Cristo: cafe owner

————————————————

The late October day looked perfect for a walk along the beach, collecting seashells and watching seagulls soar the sky in the distance. Solitary boats broke the horizon, far far away, the lighthouse culminating the long walk and protecting the bay a few kilometres ahead of you. The sun was coming through the clouds here and there, creating amusing patterns on the sand just barely slightly moved by the wind. A man was playing fetch with a golden retriever and along the seashore you could see more people making good use of one of the last good days before autumn finally started giving way to winter.

The scenery was relaxing, liberating your mind from all the stress your job continuously put you through. Some days you even dared ask yourself if the slightly fatter paycheck was really worth your mental health.

Spending your health on earning money sounded stupid most of the days. Nevertheless, you somehow managed to keep loving your job, even when the cons heavily outweigh the pros.

A chill song was playing through your earbuds, and with a cloud momentarily hiding the sun, the lightest raindrops began to fall. You didn’t let the thin drizzle scare you and decided to keep walking, the lighthouse too tempting in its romantic solitude.

Stubborn and maybe ignorant, you persevered, though most people had already run to the middle of the bay, where most people had parked their cars or had found refuge in one of the local pubs and cafés. Only a couple people walked ahead of you, going all the way to the end of the walk, where the pier led to your destination.

You followed it like a compass, like the North Star, even when the drizzle turned in rain, even when you had to hold your coat over your head for the last two hundred metres, running desperately once the rain turned in an autumn shower.

You thanked all the gods once you reached the small awning protecting the entrance to the lighthouse, a lovely bell announcing the opening of the door.

“Hold on, wait there!” A man called from the counter. “Lemme grab something for you!” he mumbled, disappearing behind the dark wood countertop and reemerging with a plaid blanket. “Wait there,” he said, walking towards you quickly and taking your raincoat with a kind smile, hanging it out of harm’s way, where it could drip on the floor without causing anyone to slip and fall.

“Welcome to The Bow, you brave traveller!” the barman greeted you, immediately warming up your soul before offering you the blanket and letting you warm your body. “Please, sit where you prefer, I’ll let you take a look at the menu and then I’ll come collect your order.”

He bowed his head slightly, your eyes suddenly focusing on how low the wooden ceiling was, and how lean his physique was, heavily contrasted by his large shoulders, emphasised by the white and blue stripes of his sweater.

You walked to a table beside the counter, near the window that ran all around the circular room. The sky was clear in the distance, the boats still navigating peacefully while the coast had become hostage to the sudden storm, which had crept in slowly and then swiftly attacked.

You stared in the distance for a while longer, the man at the counter waiting patiently and cheerfully for you to get comfortable, leaf through the menu and close it before turning to him with a kind smile — which you eventually did, causing an unexpected effect, an entire flock of butterflies taking flight in his stomach.

He was drawn to you immediately.

“So what can I bring you?” he asked with the most courteous of smiles.

You giggled. The man was very handsome, but something in the air that surrounded him made him even warmer and more fascinating, as if compelling you to be kind and keep your eyes on him. “First, let me thank you for the blanket,” you said, holding it tighter around you.

“Oh, it’s okay. We keep those for old couples who come here for fall and winter walks. They tend to get cold on their legs. And some ladies want to wear pretty clothes on dates but then get cold once the sun goes down. Don’t worry, I wash them after use!” he clarified before you could get uncomfortable.

“That’s so considerate!” you exclaimed, honestly touched at such a kind thought.

“What can I say, I care about customer care,” he chuckled embarrassed, his laugh so unique and funny that you couldn’t help but join.

“I’m ____, by the way.”

“I’m Seokjin,” he introduced himself politely.

“Happy to meet you,” you replied with an interested smile. “May I order an Orange Spiced Hot Chocolate?”

“Yes, sure. Would you like some cinnamon on it?” he asked, twice as interested in pleasing his special customer.

“Uhm… No, just a plain one, thanks,” you confirmed, watching him leave with a quick step.

“Do you have many people coming all the way here?” you asked, your table close enough to the counter that you could chat with the man without having to disturb the other customers.

“Normally we do. There’s always a big rush in summer. Some people go to the beach and come all the way here to have lunch or grab a cold drink before going back. It’s mostly couples, or families with kids. On a summer day you’d have to wait for a table and book one for lunch or dinner. When it gets colder, some people still come here, but it’s slower. I prefer it. Winter weekends are the ideal match of calm and good money.”

You nodded. “I think it’s my first time here. I visited the town four or five years ago but I don’t remember this place.”

Seokjin nodded, the cocoa maker making a bit of a ruckus as it warmed up the milk. It lasted around two or three minutes before the café went quiet again “Yes, that’s because I opened the café two years ago, almost three.”

“This is your place?” You asked, quite amused.

“Indeed. My grandpa loved it here. He always came here with my grandma for walks. He didn’t have the money to buy the place but he wanted to open a restaurant here. My grandmother loved cooking.” Seokjin gave a gentle but sad smile. “When she left us, he gave up. He always says it was their dreams, together, and he would never do it by himself. So I made it my dream.”

The blue vibe faded and a radiant expression sparked up his features. “I must say that for now it’s been going pretty well.”

He walked to your table, your drink, sugar and a couple smaller bottles all balanced on a tray on his hand.

As he stood beside you, his head slightly lowered to avoid the lamp above, he placed down a cup coaster with a vintage lifebuoy ring drawn on it, protecting the beautiful wooden table below.

On the small placemat running across the table, he placed three tiny bottles. “Sugar, cinnamon and cocoa. To your liking.” He offered you a soft grin.

Hesitantly, you looked around again. He had only four or five people around and your table was close to the counter.

You licked your lips as you gathered all your courage and spoke. “Would you like to sit down and chat? I’d like to get to know you, you seem a very interesting person.” You felt heat radiate from your cheeks in stark contrast with the cold crawling through your bones.

Seokjin’s reaction was lovely.

His mouth curled up in a lovely pout, a small surprised ‘o’. His eyes went impossibly wide and so, so round and adorable before his suddenly pale face exploded in a technicoloured blush that expanded all the way to his ears.

And then he smiled the tiniest, most innocent smile. He didn’t show his teeth, just his rosy, plush lips curving up in an expression that was half hamster, half alpaca.

And the apples of his cheeks became impossibly round and squishable.

You felt your heart shot across your chest like a crazy bouncy ball, playing pinball inside your rib cage.

Joy filled your every blood vessel.

“Sure, I’d love to sit down and chat for a bit.”

[salty-ironstrange-shipper]

Hi. I will now be answering fic writing questions from this post instead of reblogging it and waiting for you to ask me some so that I can just answer the ones I want. Legally, no one can stop me.

2. Favorite piece overall?

I narrowed it down to four (completed) - So what if we grow old together?, being known is being loved, A Strange Wedding, From the Top

3. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

Probably Paint It Black. I had a lot of ideas I wanted to squeeze into one fic and I’m still not 100% on how it turned out.

8. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment?

Oof. I think the love confession at the end of A Strange Love, chapter nine of From the Top, chapter 13 of Stay A Thousand Years. (I could add to this if The Pace Between Rage and Serenity was finished ...... but that’s spoilers)

9. Favorite character to write?

Stephen Strange. He’s such a bitch but also kind of vulnerable and capable of being caring. 

10. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written

ok I realized after looking for this it is not “““dialogue””” but live with it

He went through ten, a hundred, a thousand, a million futures, and none of them were good. Even the ones where the prevented Thanos’s genocide resulted in mass casualties when they tried to prevent it.

Except for one.

Just one, one out of more than fourteen million, but it would work. Thanos would be defeated with the least casualties of any future he’d seen, they’d be able to bring back almost everyone—

But not Tony.

As he watched his husband die in his arms, surrounded by victorious allies, he remembered the Ancient One’s words. "It's not about you."

He was a sorcerer of Kamar-Taj, a Master of the Mystic arts, and it was his sacred duty to protect the Earth and the Time Stone and the universe at any cost, and none of it mattered if Tony wasn't with him. The oath to protect the world wasn’t the only vow he made.

Please, he thought to the universe, thinking of Tony and his smile and the life together they’d envisioned. Not Tony. You have already had your fill of him. This whole world has. You’ve had his mind and his heart and his health and his sanity. You’ve had his family, his friends, you’ve had me. He’s almost sacrificed his own life to you a dozen times. Just this once, please . . . let him be safe and let him be mine.

He kept looking.

14. Would you want to write canon for any of your fandoms (like be hired by showrunner to do an episode)? Which one?

I was talking about this with my family a few weeks ago. I said if I had infinite money I would buy Marvel and make all the characters gay. I stand by that.

Other than that though, I don’t know if I’d want to write for something that big that was someone else’s creations. If I was going to work on a book/show/movie, I would want it to be my original idea.

....

Actually, I’d write the series finale to Supernatural and make it good. That’s one. I know their lore better than the writers, I could handle it.

15. Does font matter to you when you're writing a draft?

I am very particular about my writing. With fic, I always have the same layout - Verdana, size 11, add a space after every paragraph, white text on a black background. 

I have a process and it relaxes me.

18. If you could go back and revise one of your older stories, which would it be?

Probably Paint It Black. That one always felt kind of off to me in terms of quality.

19. Do you make up scenes at work/on the bus/at the gym? Who are the characters that pop up the most? Do you write them down?

I make up scenes pretty much all the time. If I have my phone with me, I’ll usually take it out and add them to an outline on google docs. My phone broke and I didn’t have one for like, 3 months or so. So I would just be lying down trying to sleep, suddenly get a scene idea, and have to get my laptop out and wait for it to load, then write it out. The things I do for fanfiction. (I also have various journals and notebooks I write it, but those can be irritating because once I write it down, I can’t rearrange things and put them in order.)

[moontheoretist]

The show currently on had a bunch of stuffed shirts sitting at a round table. ["...my esteemed colleague, Professor Newell, gives too much credence to the ex-Avengers' education. I simply don't believe they all read and fully comprehended the document they were rejecting. Steve Rogers had a high school diploma and one year of art college."] Steve curled his lip. ["That doesn't mean he's illiterate," Newell, a brown-haired man with glasses, said. The other man, his tight coils of hair salt and pepper gray, raised an eyebrow. "As a lawyer, I'd be the first to say legal documents are needlessly complex, but no lay person can just sit down and read a 1000-page legal agreement and absorb the intricacies with nothing more than a high school education from the 1940s. Not without help." Newell ceded the point with a nod. "And Wanda Maximoff is a street orphan and doesn't even have that. Ditto Clint Barton, who grew up in a traveling circus. The Ant Man has an engineering degree, which makes me think he would have ample education to comprehend the Accords, but he had little time to do it in—only the flight to Germany, and investigators say he was likely shrunk and in Clint Barton's pocket, as there's no evidence of him on the passenger list, but he suddenly appeared at the Leipzig/Halle airport. It's questionable he bothered to shrink the Accords with him or bring the necessary resources to decipher all the legalese."] Scott got up and left the room. Wanda curled up and hugged her knees to her chest. Steve remembered the hasty conversation he'd had with Scott before the battle. Scott had no idea about the Accords back then. He thought they were there to fight over killer assassins. Steve rubbed his forehead. ["That leaves only Sergeant Sam Wilson, a man well-educated by the armed forces. I wondered what made him reject a document that his own government and one hundred and sixteen other countries supported, and then I read up on Lieutenant General Ross' record. Any man who has served in the military and heard of Ross' abuse of his own forces and how he used his own daughter as bait in pursuit of The Hulk would have zero respect for the retired general and Secretary of State. Ross was spearheading the US support of the Accords. Whether or not this influenced Sergeant Wilson's decision to reject them, I cannot say."] "This is bullshit," Clint said, obviously fuming. "I didn't need some stupid diploma to tell me the Accords are a shitty idea." ["You haven't said anything about the Black Widow," the moderator said, shifting his papers around on the big desk. "Ms. Romanov is an interesting case. Raised and educated by the top-secret Soviet training program called the Red Room, the Black Widow supported the Accords at first. She appeared to recognize their necessity, but then during the fight at the airport seemed to run into an issue of allegiance in fighting her friends. Understandable, I think. It's why the Avengers should never have been sent to contain the renegades. But who else could battle that sort of might? "In any event, it appears to be no coincidence that the Avengers who sided with the Accords all have master's degrees or higher." "Or much higher," the mediator said, abandoning neutrality. "Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes as a master's in engineering as well as officer's training, Stark has multiple doctorates, and the Vision is said to have access to the sum of all human knowledge. The King of Wakanda obviously has the finest political education as a leader of his nation, and I understand he is also an engineer." "Nothing is known about the Spider-Man," Newell said. "No, that's true. He'll have to remain an enigma." "But it's your contention that education had something to do with renegades choosing not to support the Accords," the mediator said. "I think it's obvious."] *** ["Hello, all. Thank you for time. "As Mr. Sjöberg mentioned, I recently came into some information regarding The Winter Soldier that I felt was of international importance, especially since he had the protection of some very powerful people. The ICC is just the place to turn when the State is unable or unwilling to carry out an investigation and prosecute the perpetrators."] Steve drew in a shocked breath. ["I found this information at a Hydra bunker in Siberia, where Rogers, Barnes and I had an altercation about whether suppressing this information was cool or not." Stark gave an acid grin. "In the course of this disagreement, Rogers disabled my suit and left me in the Hydra bunker to freeze, unable to radio a rescue team."] Sam sank his head into his hands with a curse. ["However, Rogers' 'leave our teammates behind' policy turned out to be useful, because while searching for a way to communicate with my rescue team, I discovered a trove of records spanning back decades on the Hydra supersoldier program. I looked through all of it, hoping to save it and get retrieved before Hydra returned. "What I discovered was more than enough: movies, photos, and detailed plans to assassinate political heads of state, industrial leaders, diplomats, prominent artists, radical leaders and activists, all of whom were murdered by The Winter Soldier. Included in these documents were the names of the ones who ordered the kills, the criminals behind the deeds. For the last three weeks, with the assistance of the Joint Terrorism Task Force, that's what we've been up to—rounding up the bad guys with a vengeance." The murmurs grew into a roar of approval. "Most of the Hydra operatives still living have been arrested for their complicity in murdering countless important figures who stood against Hydra's core principles of racism and fascism. Despite the unnecessary delay introduced by Rogers, who could have put us onto Barnes and thus the location of the bunker that much sooner, the loved ones and family members of the deceased will at long last know, and hopefully find peace in knowing, just what happened to their loved ones, and why."] Tony's voice trembled on the last part, and Steve felt a pit growing in his stomach that he couldn't shake off. ["My only regret is whom I have to thank for this. The man behind the Vienna bombing was the one who revealed the truth to me by showing me the video of my parents being murdered by The Winter Soldier. The man who told me the truth is a criminal. But then, the man who kept the truth from us all is a criminal as well. "Thank you all for listening. There will be no questions."] *** Tony lifted his hand and smacked away the letter he was writing as Rhodey walked in. "Sour patch! Look at you. How're the legs feeling?" "Better now that I tweaked the timing on the left one. Feels more natural now. But, Tony..." "Awesome. You should totally patent that port thing. That was really good work." Tony pulled up the schematics of Rhodey's braces to take a look at the timing adjustment port Rhodey had added. "I don't have time for—that's not why I came in here, Tones. Vision got a call—" "Time, shmime. I'll have Friday draft up the diagrams and application for you." "It would be my pleasure, Colonel Rhodes." "Yes, fine. Thanks, Fri. Tones, listen. Something's happened with the renegades." Tony stopped fiddling and gave Rhodey his full attention. "Tell me." "It's weird as hell." Rhodey dropped onto a lab stool and rolled over to join him. "Wanda contacted Vision to tell him she delivered Rogers to the US Embassy in Nairobi. I checked, and sure enough, according to embassy officials, she made him walk in like a zombie, then directed him to 'Wait here until Tony Stark comes to arrest you.'"

Into the Weeds by truet

This is literally the best Team Iron Man fic I read till now, and it includes all the things I missed from the other ones: acknowledgment of Rhodey’s smarts, acknowledgment of the education Rogues had, acknowledgment that Wanda may actually get angry at Steve when she learns what he did and what it means to her, acknowledgment that Hydra agents who ordered the murders should be arrested, acknowledgment of Tony relying on other people to actually accomplish or polish the things he engages with (JCCT, braces).

The only thing it doesn’t have is acknowledgment that Shuri doesn’t need BARF to help Barnes, but it’s only because the fact that the story never reaches that point, but damn, so many Team Iron Man fics mistreats other charas and I know it is not malicious, that it is because the authors love Tony and want him to fix the issues himself, but Tony isn’t omnipotent god of science and I would like people to get that Shuri is as mart as he is and can definitely handle helping Barnes and making his arm without Tony’s help, as much as Rhodey can fix his braces and doesn’t need Tony to constantly do it for him, because he has proper education to handle that, and also he is the user, so he knows best what is wrong and what is right and what works.

I also tend to like the stories which don’t demonize Wanda more than the ones which do, because I think she was radicalized, but not evil and those stories, where she is an evil Hydra agent or actually went mad long ago and nobody noticed, as much as interesting and enjoyable don’t really get what it means to be radicalized and then trying to de-radicalize and also heavily fall into the trap of demonizing a woman in the same way misogynist media creators usually do and the only thing I can blame is the fact that we all are raised in the society which hates women and even if we don’t actively believe in it some of it stays with us, in our subconscious and affects what we write and how. Everybody is capable of evil as long as they believe something very much and Wanda is more prone to that due to her background. Not to mention that those stories also usually infantilize her and I like to see her actually being treated like an adult she always was, who understands the consequences of Steve’s action for her and who would do something, albeit something stupid mind you, to mitigate her case, because she is an adult, and she like any other adult person would want to help her case somehow.

Oh, and author also knows how the whole “who arrests who” system works, so their stories actually show that nobody in the MCU creator board of creators, including the Russos, does a goddamn research about Europe. Most people don’t have this knowledge, so movies don’t seem off to them, but to people who do have this knowledge movies are weird and illogical.

[bluedemon1995]

Stay True To Yourself!

I read a story about a girl whose boyfriend took her to a swingers party…but neglected to tell her! And of course, that story led me down a very strange rabbit hole until this popped in my head. Ummm, this one has a little bit of a more adult theme - so please read with caution! This is an alternate reality story- obv not canon.

Katie Holt sat in the car feeling a niggling sense of unease that she cannot dismiss as hard as she tries to shove it down. She tries to narrow down the cause, thinking and analyzing as is her nature. Is it because she hasn’t been dating Mark very long and he picked her up roughly an hour ago. In fact, if she was honest, this was probably the longest amount of time she’d actually spent in his actual company. Previously, it was mostly online chats then a couple of in person short lunch coffee dates. But they were maybe twenty minutes. Is it because they are going to a party and she typically does not enjoy parties? Or maybe it’s because he’s the only person she’d know from this party, and she hates being dependent on anyone. She’d much rather rely on herself.

Regardless of the cause, she tries to shake off the feelings and enjoy the moment. Live a little in the real world like Allura said as she was helping her getting ready. Actually, if she was honest, this was the second novel experience of the day since having a friend come over and help her get ready for a date was a first as well. Yesterday, when she absently mentioned that she could not go to the movies tonight because she was going to a Christmas party with Mark, Allura got so excited. She immediately made plans to go shopping and offered to come and help me get ready. She was honestly more excited than I was but it was nice to have someone care.

Which was nice because her mom and dad had a work Christmas party to go to and her brother was on a date himself. It was nice for Allura to come over and help her out. In spite of the make up, dress and dating tips, she had a good time. Allura was only a couple of actual years older than but in experience she was decades ahead of her!

This year, partly due to their project at work, she’s gotten closer to some of co-workers or team. It’s been a nice change since high school and college where she was mostly alone except for her family and their friends. She loved feeling like people got her sarcasm, her references well, just HER. It was nice to have people who made her stop working to eat lunch or heck, even remembered to check to see if she left work for the day. Slowly but surely her team had become her friends.

Which all leads her back to a few moments ago, when Mark parked and got out of the car, stopping at the hood to wait for her. He looks impatient but whatever, she needs to take a minute alone to get her self under control. Her nerves hit a high point but deciding this was as good as it gets, Pidge stands and walks to the him, impulsively reaching out and holding his hand. It was dark and snowy, she definitely did not want to fall on ice as they walked up! How embarrassing!

He seemed surprised by her hand but quickly pulled her close, “Hey so, this is a special party and I’d really appreciate it if you kept an open mind, think of it as an of it as an experiment.”

Pidge felt like a five alarm bell was suddenly going off at the conclusion of that sentence. FUCK! What was he talking about?!? Why would he say something like that now? It was akin to setting a bomb and saying, do not look at the timer.

While Pidge is having an internal panic attack they walk in-no knocking just walk straight in the door. She doesn’t see anything right off the bat that concerns her. There’s a table where keys were thrown, shoes piled in the front hall and music playing. It was a really nice house, set in one of the fancier subdivisions of the area. Pidge was trying to keep calm but she was annoyed that he’d state something like that as they were walking in the door! What about beforehand so she could of decided?!? And he really didn’t tell her anything, which is worse than knowing.

He takes his shoes off, she does the same. Hesitating, he turns and pulls her towards the kitchen. “Drink? What’s your poison?”

Pidge sighs, beer seems safe and not like she’s going to be drinking much of anything after that bomb he dropped walking in. “Beer is fine, I’d like light if they got it.”

He nods and goes towards the coolers lined up along the wall. Pidge does what she does best, fades into the background and observes the room carefully. The lights seem dim and she could see out the patio doors that more people are out there by the pool. She squints, maybe it’s the just the glare…but are those people naked?!?

Mark comes back at that time with a draft beer which means I won’t be taking a drink of it. Why wouldn’t he give me a bottle or can that I could open myself? I’m quiet and watch Mark take in the party. I wonder who he knows? Suddenly, I look at a pretty girl in a Mrs. Claus outfit who comes up to Mark. She smiles brightly, and proceeds to lock lips with Mark, wow. She’s actually impressive with her ability to wrap around him like a snake yet keep her hand with her drink still, not spilling a drop. I’m actually impressed! My eyes dart around the room, trying to gauge what the hell is going on here. Why would he bring me here if he already has girl???

Finally she breaks off and slides over to me, “Hi, Danni with an I, wanna make out?”

I blink, rapidly, “Um, no, I’m good, but, uh, thank you for the offer though.”

She smiles, “Okay! If you change your mind I’ll be around!”

She flounced away and I looked to Mark, quietly questioning, “Exactly what kind of Christmas party is this? Why am I even here?!?”

He chucked, “It’s a swingers party and you can’t come alone. You NEED to bring a date, you know for the numbers. C’mon, this will be fun.”

I look at him feeling myself turn red. “Wait a minute, I bought a fucking new outfit for this?!? I put goddamn makeup on! You fucking asshole! Look, I could give two shits about what you do, honestly, we aren’t involved like that but why involve me? Could you not find someone else to bring? For fuck’s sake!”

Mark stared at me, having the NERVE to arch a brow, “Cursing really? You know swearing is for people not intelligent enough to come up with a better word. Besides, don’t be a prude, look walk around and find someone you find interesting or hot. There are a lot of people here, like it’s not that hard.”

I close my eyes and as bad as I want to hit him, curse him out, I refrain. Oh, he will pay, just later when there aren’t about a hundred witnesses who can fill out a police report. I take a breath and walk away, back to the front door. I look at the keys, but they all look the same, how would I know which is which. I guess I could take them all but what if someone wants to leave. I step out to the front steps.

Honestly, this could not have happened on a worse night. I can’t call Matt, he’s finally on a date with his current dream girl and my parents at that work party. I close my eyes, take a breath to reign in my anxiety that is sky rocketing and first I try Allura. But, duh, she’s at the movies with Romelle and probably turned her phone off. Shit. My eyes fill with tears but I refuse to let them fall. I take a deep breath, trying Hunk instead another coworker. Straight to voicemail. Shit he might be sleeping.

I look at my contacts and realize, I don’t have a long list of people to call. I sit and sigh, okay no matter how embarrassing I could always get an Uber. I schedule one but because I’m so far it will take about an hour. I walk around to the back and sit on a chair in the dark corner of the backyard. Sitting, I let my finger hover over the last name to try. Here goes nothing. Hanging up I text a short message. What the hell do I have to lose at this point.

I sit. And sit. I don’t know how many girls and guys I rebuff but something about a person not wanting to hook up makes people want to hook up with you apparently. Jeesh, in my real life, no one wanted to date me now everyone was trying to have sex with me. WTF?

Sighing I look at my phone, and crap, it looks like all my surfing has killed my battery. Suddenly a very naked Mark and a different Mrs. Claus come up to me.

Mrs. Claus giggles out, “Hey if you’re nervous, you could totally hook up with my husband. He’s the hot elf over there, standing on the edge of the pool and hot tub. It will be fun! Then if we like, we could continue next week!!” She giggles a lot and I try not to be rude.

“Thank you for that kind offer, but I’m good.”

She shrugs, “Sure thing baby, but aren’t you bored. Marky said you were shy and um, a novice. Don’t be afraid.”

Mark turns and Pidge can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Only for some guy in his boxers to edge into her space. “Darlin’, you-me-, it’s written in the stars baby.”

I groan, “Nope. You misread them, thank tho.”

Usually once I say no, they just move on. But nope, not this one. “Don’t be a prude. Sex is very natural. It’s elemental. It’s like essential. You need me baby!!”

Really, that’s his line? I shake my head no, but now we’ve got a crowd. I hear people interject how I’m falling into societies lanes and I must be a virgin because I’m sitting by myself. Then I hear people say I should be grateful and oh my gosh, yep, I’ve been transported back to high school. Except I’m not a self conscious kid anymore and I don’t give a fuck what they think about me. But, I’ll be damned if I don’t respond. No one pushes me or pressures me to do something I don’t want to. And I’ve never just gone with the crowd cuz it was easier, not then, not now.

I hear a roar and suddenly all attention is lost on me. I decided to leave before my temper actually erupts. I quickly move towards the gate to get the hell out of here. I’d rather walk home then stay here. Fuck Mark and his party. I might actually brainstorm with Allura and Romelle on a way to get back at him. Something embarrassing.

As I walk away I hear Mark yelling my name, “Katie! Katie! Don’t walk away! You need to expand your senses and life. Don’t be scared. There is so much I could teach you. Don’t be such a prude!”

Laughter.

Well fuck him. Now I’m pissed. I’m not scared. I just don’t want to do this. Yet, who does he think he is telling me what I should do. As if. And what if he did this to other girls, who weren’t able to say no? I turn around and calmly but loudly state, while looking straight at him, “Look, don’t act like I’m the scared one. Who didn’t tell me where they were taking me. If this was a scene I was into, fine. And believe me, I will sleep with whoever I want. I just don’t want to sleep with you nor do I have anything to prove to anyone. But if and when I see a guy or girl for that matter, that I’d like to fuck, then I would. So, shut up, cause Marky you’re just not it.”

I could hear murmurs and then Mark yelling, and his feet slapping on the ground. Ughhhhh. One thing I could be thankful for is seeing him naked, cuz ick. He has no muscle definition and oh my God, I cannot wait to tell Allura how he looks like he waxes cuz he has no hair anywhere on his body.

I turn to walk away and see a guy who I have HAD the luxury of day dreaming about striding towards me with an shit eating smirk. Well, shit, of course. My eyes closes but it doesn’t stop my from seeing him behind my eyes. His hair is slightly matted from his helmet which means the roar must have been his Harley. He has one of his many black t-shirts on with his favorite leather jacket over it. His jeans are well worn and faded not those designer ones that only look used. He has on his riding boots, which of course give him another inch or so of height. Which he loves. Opening my eyes I see him about 6 feet away and I see he still has his riding gloves on.

I determinedly walk towards him only to hear Mark scream, his feet slapping, or at least I hope it’s his feet. He yells, “Yeah right, you prude-like you would ever-“

I reach said hot guy and say, “I’m kissing you in two seconds. One, two.”

I fist my hand in his shirt and pull him closer to me. Except he doesn’t move, so I look up into his eyes and arch a brow, he arches his, which causes me to roll my eyes and I open my mouth to tell him to go to hell when grins. With his hands on my hips pulls me into his hard body, throwing me off balance. I slip my arms around him lift my head and his lips slam onto mine. Ok, point proven. Yet, as I lean back to break the kiss, I feel two arms encompass me, hold me close and reposition me.

His mouth re-angles on mine, I feel myself lifted on my tip toes. Omg, the heat of his body is amazing. I didn’t even realize I was cold sitting out here but against his body I felt like was next to a heater. His tongue pushes past my lips and, well, I stopped thinking for a full minute, hell maybe minutes. It was that good of a kiss. Shit. His tongue stroked mine, made me shiver and then he nipped my lip causing a groan. I literally could feel him smile and I was going to move back when his hand fisted in my hair and he started to kiss my neck and holy crap! I think my knees buckled but it didn’t matter because he picked me up and my legs were suddenly wrapped around his waist. His hands were supporting my weight but I think they were actually under my dress. My hands were in his hair and digging into his shoulder respectively. Well. Hell.

I don’t know how long that went on for when suddenly I hear Mark right next to us yelling, “That’s enough.”

Slowly pulling back, his gravelly voice questions, “Outta here or are we continuing the show? Just to be clear, I’m good with either decision.” He then arches that fucking brow.

Face flaming, I whisper, “Let’s go. Please.”

Eyes on me, he nods. “What’s asshole’s name?”

“Mark.”

Nodding he raises his voice, “Hey Mark, fuck off and if I ever see you again, you’re dead.”

A girl in just a string bikini bottom steps in front of us, drawing our attention. Her hand is gliding down her chest when she looks right at him, throatily murmuring, “Wanna upgrade?”

He laughs, “Um already did. Let’s go Pidge.”

He moves his hands and I lower my legs. He instantly laces his fingers with mine and pulls me to the path back to the front. “Keith! You can’t say that! You know about Mark being dead meat.”

“Just did.”

“Why, what, are you even doing here?”

As he places his helmet on my head and carefully tightens the straps, “I saw Shiro’s phone buzz, so I looked. It seemed like something that couldn’t wait. So here I am.”

Blinking I nod, “Okay. I said I had an Uber coming.”

“Saw, don’t care. I, um, didn’t like the idea of you being here when you didn’t want to be. So yeah, deal.”

“But why didn’t you respond?”

“I pinged your location to my phone and left. Didn’t think about it honestly.”

“What if I was gone?”

He shrugged as we approached his bike, which was on the lawn! “As long as you were safe.”

He then takes off his coat, slipping it around my shoulders, “Arms in, it’s cold when we start moving.” Eyes on her legs, fingers play with her skirt, brushing her thighs. “I can’t do anything about your legs though. Let me know if you need a break. We can stop as often as you need.”

I nod, and as we drive into the night, my arms tight around his waist, I can’t help but smile. Keith Fucking Kogane. Damn this boy can kiss. Maybe there is hope for my love life after all. I feel his hand cover my hand on his abdomen, squeeze and drift down to my leg. I squeeze him a little tighter and I know it’s just my imagination but I swear I can hear his laughter.

My hero.

[spacebeyonce]

wip wednesday and man do I have a shit load of ‘em atm.

right now I’m trying to work on a botw one shot that was one of my tipsy ideas that I threw in the drafts. I’m trying to write about link’s journey and make it, hm. an examination of loneliness? it’s going to be looooong, I think. the effects of traveling in a big, lonely world by yourself and how that makes moments of contact with others mean more.

basically I haven’t been hugged by a human person in almost a year and I’m projecting. I’m having a hard time writing it down but as long as it exists I can work with it. I guess here’s a snippet of a part that I like.

You have been asleep for the last one hundred years.

When did the old man say the kingdom of Hyrule fell? One hundred years, right?

So.

If Hyrule was destroyed, was he there to see it? He must have seen the havoc those Guardians caused – that explains it. Right?

Questions upon questions – they just kept piling up. Would he ever find the answers?

Don’t think about it, he sternly tells himself. Right now, he was going to make a spicy meat and seafood fry and surprise the old man for his kindness since his waking.

The old man let out a deep, booming laugh in surprise when he returned to his cabin that evening, and his eyes lit up at the first bite. “Goddesses above, it tastes just as I remember!” He cried out. “Young man, I don’t know how you’ve done it, but this meal is outstanding. Even the spice is just right! I must – hm. Yes, wait here. Just a moment –”

He retreated into his cabin and returned with cloth folded between his hands. “Take it.” He urged, pressing the wool doublet into Link’s hands. “I insist, for bringing back a delicious meal from my youth!”

No, I couldn’t – Link started to protest, but it quickly died when the old man placed a warm hand atop his head.

“Take it.” The old man repeated, eyes serious as he pats Link’s head – just once. “Though spring is near, that doesn’t mean it’s here yet, and it gets cold in the evenings.”

The warmth of the old man’s hand sank into his skin, and Link could only stare up at him dumbly, blinking rapidly before nodding jerkily, pulling the doublet to his chest. The old man smiled at him, giving his head one more gentle pat, and when he went back to his meal, Link carefully raised a hand to the top of his head, fingers pressing lightly against the spot where his hand had rested.

Has he ever been touched kindly, before? He must have, Link was certain of it – but it still felt so new, warmed him all over and made him feel disoriented.

“Have you eaten, young Link?” The old man asked, waving him over. “Come, sit – you’ve made enough that you should eat, too.”

That snapped him out of his little daze, and Link scrambled over to the fire, taking a seat next to the old man and grabbing the plate he offered him. It was warm here, by the fire, and Link closed his eyes, taking a second to soak in that tiny moment of kindness.

-o-

After that, it all fell to pieces, pretty much.

When King Rhoam’s spirit vanished on the breeze, the only thing reassuring Link that his presence had been real was the paraglider folded up in the corner, waiting for him.

Flying was exhilarating but soaring through the air did nothing for the stone sinking into his gut. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he went to the tower using the warp function on the slate and just –

He thought.

Link thought about the answers he had been given, observing the truth of it like a stranger looking in on someone else’s life. That a hundred years ago, he was a knight, handpicked by the Goddesses to guard a princess and fight a great evil. That they and four other Champions were responsible for stopping a Calamity, for saving the kingdom – and failed, miserably.

That he had been injured badly enough to be put into a long, healing sleep, and the princess –

The princess.

Zelda. He tests her name, saying it to himself. Princess Zelda.

She was the voice he’d been hearing this whole time. His unseen guide that had spoken up, that had pointed him where to go when he needed it. He had been chosen to protect her, to guard her with his life –

And he didn’t remember her at all.

Link turned his eyes towards Hyrule Castle, staring at that cloud of smoke, swirling and churning, obscuring everything, and sat in the unfairness of it all. Of how alone in the world he felt, suddenly. He was supposed to find a way to defeat that thing? Him?

What on earth could he do? Courageous One, the king called him, but in that moment courageous was the last thing Link was feeling. Instead, he felt – overwhelmed. It was too much. How was he going to do this?

Link felt lightheaded. His breath came rapidly, chills spreading from his chest outward, and he wrapped his arms around himself, nails digging into his arms as he tried to keep himself together. How was he going to accomplish this? How? What could he do?

The king, he – he gave him a destination. Pointed him in the way he needed to go. Kakariko, Link reminded himself. He could start there. He’ll take this bit by bit, one step at a time, because –

Because even though this task was monumental – was too much – Link had to…he had to try. It was their mess, wasn’t it? Their mess to clean up.

Slowly, Link walked until he was at the lip of the tower, eyes locked on the castle. He wondered if the princess could see him right now. She’s been fighting all this time, holding back this thing, this monster - and she still found a way to reach out to him. He had to do something – he had to at least try and get this right.

It was unfair of him, to think that he was alone in the world; that no one else had felt the isolating terror he was feeling right now – that wasn’t true. There was one more person who could maybe, maybe understand.

He just didn’t remember her.

I’m coming to get you. He thinks as loud as possible, staring at the castle. She was able to speak in his head, so the connection goes both ways, right? I’m going to come get you so just – hold on. Okay?

Through the smoke, Link thinks he sees a flash of gold. He wonders if it was a trick of the light.

[yulmoldauer]

some things are better left unsaid (Tyson Jost/Male OC): Chapter 2

part 1

Chapter 2

Summary: Mason has to deal with the events of the previous night.

Warnings: uh as you can guess if you read the first part, there’s gonna be homophobia/transphobia talked about. Otherwise, there shouldn’t be anything that needs a warning? If I’m wrong just let me know :)

Words: 2,319

Notes: I don’t think I have much! This is like a lot of flashbacks and I’m sorry but that's character building baybee!!! I promise after this it’ll be more present-based stuff. I just love the character and wish I could spew out my brain and make it understandable lol

Fuck.

That was the only thought Mason had upon waking up. The implications of the previous night hit him like a ton of bricks. His hangover was just an added bonus.

The party had been fun, obviously, but Tyson was still here. Tyson had seen his top surgery scars.

“When did you have surgery?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. A medical degree and some knowledge on what other surgery would leave these scars would be helpful. Mason really did not want to lie, but he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to do.

Being drunk wasn’t helping, either. In his mind, the world was ending and his career was over after the last fuck up that got him traded…

Rationally, he just burst into tears. Not a dramatic scene or anything, he just felt his eyes watering very quickly and suddenly the tears were rolling down his face.

“Oh, shit. Okay,” Tyson set the water down and hurried to his friend. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was- here, will you feel better if you get a shirt on?”

Mason only nodded, allowing Tyson to help him get the shirt on and pull him for a hug.

This just made Tyson think that the scars were from some shitty, traumatic event or something with extremely bad memories. Note to self: don’t fucking ask about them again was written in large letters in his brain.

He did factor in the extremely likely possibility that Mason was drunk and--as anyone with a brain knows--Mason was a hundred times more dramatic when drunk. Still, though, if he was crying, it couldn’t be a good thing.

At least Tyson had been nice enough to leave him some meds and water after forcing him to go to bed.

“You hungry?” Tyson asked softly from the doorway. “I heard you rumbling around in here, I wasn’t watching you sleep,” he clarified quickly.

“Didn’t think you were,” Mason chuckled. “No, I’m not hungry. Thank you, though. You can help yourself to whatever. You know that.”

“Yeah, I made some toast earlier. Fun birthday last night?” Tyson smiled and sat on the edge of the bed as Mason laid back against the headboard and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“You could say that. Thanks, though. Seriously, I had a ton of fun.”

“Yeah, of course. I didn’t stop you from posting anything on social media, though. I dunno why you like taking videos so much.”

“Then I can save them and rewatch them later,” Mason scoffed like Tyson was an idiot. After a few more seconds Tyson moved to get up mere milliseconds before Mason started talking.

“About last night…”

He hesitated, waiting for some kind of confirmation that Tyson was willing to talk about this. There was no sense putting it off, right?

Tyson just raised his eyebrows. “The scars?”

That earned a nod and Tyson sat back down.

“They’re… shit. Okay, sorry. I never meant to lie or anything--fuck that, I never lied. I just... “

“Dude, if it’s something you don’t want to talk about, that’s fine.”

Mason groaned quietly and shook his head. “No, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“If you wanna talk, just say it. I’m not gonna freak out or anything. If you don’t wanna, that’s okay too,” Tyson reassured gently.

Truthfully, the curiosity was killing him. It was rare that an injury happened and they didn’t share it with each other. Mason took a few more breaths before nodding. Psyching himself up.

“They’re from my top surgery.”

Silence.

More silence.

Mason officially wanted to die. He was going to have to request another team change, go through the legal battle of making sure he didn’t get outed--

“Like…?” Tyson asked quietly with raised eyebrows.

“Like I had tits and got them removed the summer before I went to college.”

That may have been a relatively vulgar way to put it, but it was true. It was the simplest and least-awkward way he could think to put it.

“Oh,” Tyson nodded a few times. “Thats--I never knew--I mean, I couldn’t, like, tell or anything…”

“Yeah, that was the point,” he sighed and took a sip of the water on the nightstand. “Noone was supposed to know or be able to tell or whatever.”

“So literally no one knows?”

“Not literally, no. My family knows, obviously.”

“But the league?”

At the defeated sigh that escaped his friend, Tyson quickly backtracked. “You don’t have to get into it, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be prying--”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just… a long story that I don’t know if you actually want to hear or if you’re just being nice.”

“Of course I wanna hear, stupid. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

Mason narrowed his eyes at the name, but it was quickly followed with a small smile.

It did take a bit to explain everything, though. How he was drafted into his previous team, everything was fine, and then someone had taken an ungodly amount of time to hit the showers at the same time Mason had been in there.

“Oh, fuck! You scared me,” Mason huffed when he heard the water turn on just across from him.

“What’cha being jumpy for?” the taller guy laughed.

“I’m not jumpy,” Mason grumbled, turning the water off quickly. He wasn’t even sure all the soap was out of his hair, but that didn’t matter. He just needed to get the hell out of there.

“Are you okay, man? You’re being weird-” the other man asked genuinely and glanced over his shoulder. This had been at the same exact time Mason had been trying to just leave as quickly as possible.

There was a few moments of silence that felt like years as the younger grabbed for a towel to cover himself up.

“Are you--?”

“Please, just forget--” Mason tried, but the guy was already turning his water off and grabbing his own towel.

“No, I’m not fucking--are you kidding me, Wright?” he nearly shouted as he stormed out of the room with Mason in tow. “Are you actually kidding me? How the hell have you gotten away with this--”

“I haven’t ‘gotten away with’ anything, you dickhead. It’s none of your business in the first place.”

“It doesn’t matter, you don’t belong here. You know they’ve got the women’s league now, right? It’s not like-”

Mason just shook his head, staring at the floor of the changing room while they were both yanking clothes on as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to hear what was coming next, all the awful shit he’d say.

It wasn’t even what he was saying that was the issue. Mason had heard just about everything at this point and had always had a pretty thick skin. It was the fact that someone he trusted--someone he’d considered family at this point--was saying it.

Didn’t he realize that it wouldn’t be like this if Mason could help it?

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” the head coach cried over them, walking into the room. He hadn’t been concerned about the loudness until it was unbearably obvious that the shouting was getting increasingly angrier and angrier. He wasn’t about to bring up the fact that Mason looked genuinely scared, as if worried about his safety.

The other guy was pissed, going off about how he’d been lied to, he’d been sharing a locker room, dressing room, and showers with a lot of unkind names, and that he wouldn’t keep playing for the team while acting like this never happened.

They ended up in the coach’s office, Mason attempting to towel dry his hair while the other blew off steam. He just didn’t want anyone to see him upset.

Once they were separated, lawyers were brought in with papers and agreements, and the head coach asked Mason if he’d like to request a trade or anything. It wasn’t like he had the option to say no, but he wasn’t exactly upset to go somewhere where he wasn’t worried about going to the bathroom without getting yelled at or beat up by a guy way bigger than himself.

He remembered to thank management before he left for working overtime, it seemed like, to figure out who would take him on such short notice and mid-season.

He was a good defenseman, sure, it just wasn’t easy on such short notice. But what the star player wants, the star player gets.

Colorado was the quickest to take the young defenseman about a year ago, and the rest was history.

“Holy shit,” Tyson murmured after a few quiet moments.

“I thought I was done. I honestly didn’t think anyone was going to pick me up, I thought my career was over. Can you fucking imagine that? Retiring at, like, 22?”

“Yeah, no, that’s… fuck, dude. I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine, I don’t even really care. I’m happier here, anyway. Especially since it’s not like you’re saying I’m a creep or a fucking… whatever.”

“Does anyone else know? In the league, I mean.”

Mason nodded. “Took a different approach when I got here. Bednar, bare minimum management, and PR knows. PR because if someone ends up outing me, I thought it would be a good idea to have some sort of plan on what to do. And medical staff always has, obviously. I think they know more about me than I do.”

Tyson nodded along, looking at his friend again after a few moments.

“You want this to stay between us, then? Or…?”

The fact that Tyson was even asking made Mason want to cry again. After being fucked over god-knows how many times when it came to being trans, Tyson was the one confirming he’d keep the secret. He wouldn’t give anyone any kind of hint unless Mason wanted him to.

“Yeah.  Between us, please? I dunno, I might come out to the guys eventually, just so they know. I just… I don’t know what I’d do if they react badly--”

“They wouldn’t,” Tyson said quickly. “I promise you they wouldn’t. And even if someone did have an issue with it, they’d just fucking stay quiet. They’d be in the tiny minority.”

“I just don’t know if I can take being traded and going through everything again, Tys.”

At the wavering in Mason’s voice, Tyson reached out and squeezed his friend’s hand.

“You’re not going to get traded over stupid shit like that. Not here, at least.”

“You don’t know--”

���I mean, yeah, I don’t know a lot. But you already said that the most important people who need to know do, they’re okay with it, and it sounds like they’ve got your back. I’ve got your back, too. And if you end up telling the rest of the guys, they’ll have your back too. Even if you end up not telling them, I’m still here for you, man.”

Mason felt about eight tons of weight fall off his shoulders at that. How did he end up with such an amazing friend?

“I just can’t really come out publicly for… I dunno. A while. Ever, maybe? I don’t know.”

“That’s gotta suck. I mean, everyone’s got their shit they want to keep private but… I dunno what I’d do if I literally couldn’t talk about something.”

Especially with how amazing it would be if Mason was able to be that representation for kids like he was who want to play hockey, Tyson thought. The amount of LGBT kids and teenagers who get driven out of hockey is immense, that’s never been a secret. To see an LGBT guy do so well would be amazing, it just sucked it wasn’t possible for Mason to talk about.

And he did want to talk about it. It would suck to come out and deal with that, but if it helped other people he would do it without hesitation. That’s the kind of guy Mason had always been.

“You’re sure you’re not mad that I, like, kinda lied to you about this up until now?” Mason asked, breaking Tyson out of his train of thought.

“Lie?” Tyson furrowed his eyebrows. “Not telling someone something isn’t lying, first off. Second, its none of my fucking business unless you wanted me to know. Even then, this would be a stupid thing to get in the way of being friends with you. I know you call me an idiot all the time, but I like to think I’m not that stupid.”

“You’re definitely not,” Mason chuckled, flipping his blanket off of him and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He shot Tyson a genuine, appreciative smile before downing the painkillers with some water. “Let me get dressed and I can drive you home, if you want. I feel bad making you wait so long,” he murmured. It was well into the afternoon, and even though Tyson constantly reassured that it was fine, he didn’t care, Mason still felt guilty.

It was very clear Mason was hungover when he and Tyson left the building and got into his car, but that was fine. It had just confused Tyson when Mason unbuckled in front of his apartment building.

That is, until he was pulled into a tight hug.

“Thank you so much,” Mason whispered. “Seriously. I… I dunno how to actually tell you how much I appreciate you being so chill.”

Tyson hugged him for a few moments before shaking his head. “It’s really not much to just… I dunno what to call it. Not be an asshole?”

Mason laughed as he let go, allowing Tyson to open the door. “You can text me if you have any questions about… anything. I don’t tell a lot of people, but the people who do know I’m pretty open with.”

“Yeah, of course. See you later, man. Go get rehydrated, okay? You look like shit.”

“Fuck you!”

[shuahoonie]

ragnarok. [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader 

SUMMARY: you and tom used to be something, even if it was never acknowledged. however things change, and people change. so what happens when you bump into him after avoiding each other for years? 

WARNINGS: swearing! lowkey sad lol! some cheesy scenes! sexual innuendos! the ever so classic ‘bffs pining for each other’ trope! lol

WORD COUNT: 4k ish lol

SONG INSPO: the night we met - lord huron // do i wanna know (cover) - hozier 

A/N: ok so i have a lot to say so bear with me!!! one, i have put off writing for quite some time now, well publicly that is, so this may come out like shit. next, the title has no correlation to this fic, but do you guys remember that one line in thor: ragnarok when thor was about to meet the grandmaster? the one when the soothing voice says, “where once you were nothing, now you’re something.” yeah... that’s how i got the inspiration for the title and the prompt mainly. you’ll know what i mean lmao. also, i was heartbroken when i wrote this ok? and it’s been sitting on my drafts so i might as well just put it out there right? heh. enjoy i guess.

gif credits to @peteparkrrs

“Where once you were something, now you’re nothing.”

You groaned and whipped your head back in frustration as the blank page from your laptop practically screamed at you. You didn’t know why you were writing-rather trying to write, a piece that wasn’t for work, nor why you were in the coffee shop that you perfectly avoided for the past two years. 

One thing’s for sure though, you felt like a whole other being just took over you and started to pick up things that you stopped doing a while ago.

“This is a hundred steps back from what I’ve been achieving,” You sighed to yourself. You stood up to order a cup of iced coffee this time. The green tea lemonade wasn’t really working out and you know your body craves the caffeine more than ever.

Not really paying attention to the barista, as you were too busy eyeing up the selection of pastries, you started giving them your order out of sheer reflex. “Hi, can I get a medium iced-”

“Oh, hey, Y/N! I haven’t seen you here in a while.”  The barista greeted you. You looked at the person who cut you off and realized it was the owner of the cafe herself.

“Oh, uh, hi Alyssa!” You greeted her shyly. You weren’t expecting to see Alyssa, especially when you’re trying your best to not be reminded of the past, but it was also quite foolish of you to think of it that way since she owns the place.

“So, same as always?” Alyssa asked you, in which you just nodded shyly. “Okay, so that’s a medium iced latte with caramel shot and a spinach and feta hand pie, yeah?”

You let out a soft smile, admiring how Alyssa still remembered your usual order. “I can’t believe after all these years, you still remember my order.”

“Of course, you were a regular,” Alyssa answered while ringing your order at the till. “I haven’t seen you here in a while, though.”

You cleared your throat, though you were expecting that you’re going to get asked this question eventually. “I was traveling for the past year for my work and I also had to force myself to find a place downtown since it was much closer to work,” You explained as you reached for your wallet. 

It was mostly true though, you moved to the centre of the city because the north side was too much for you. Too many familiar faces, too many memories.

“Well it’s nice that you still remember this place,” Alyssa smiled. The cafe was the gem of the Northside. It’s a local cafe located near the library, usually, you’ll find students who are in deep with studying, couples on a date, business workers who just stop by for a quick cup of coffee, or just old friends just meaning to catch up. “Oh and don’t worry, this one’s on me.” 

“Aly, that’s not really necessary,” You said, waving your one hand in dismissal while the other was ready to hand Aly your payment.

“Y/N, it’s totally fine! Think of it as a token of appreciation, yeah?” Alyssa reassured and you just smiled sheepishly, totally flustered.

Alyssa handed your order and in which you graciously thanked her. Aly just laughed and said that it was the least she could do. 

There was a small pause. Aly asked, clearly hesitating, “Hey, so, I’m not sure if this is too invasive and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I haven’t seen you and Tom in here for a while. Did something happen?”

You froze at Alyssa’s question. Of course, she remembers Tom as well, you and Tom were practically inseparable a few years ago and this used to be your hangout place whenever you both had free time- hell, you made a lot of memories here. 

You and Tom were here when you both decided to bail on your prom dates. 

“Are you still cold, darling?” Tom asked as you held his coat tighter to your body. You were still wearing your prom dress when you entered the cafe, you were supposed to head straight home but Tom lured you in with a cup of coffee.

“I’m fine, Tommy.” You answered and gave him a small smile. “Shouldn’t we feel at least a tiny bit guilty?” You asked Tom as he handed you your drink. 

You muttered a small thanks as you held the cup to your lips, taking a sip of your coffee.

You were silently thanking every god out there for letting you both find this cafe that was still open, especially at this late hour.  

“Yeah, but they both left even before we bailed on them,” Tom pointed out as he quickly scanned the area for an open table. “If anything, they bailed on us.” 

He found an empty table near the fireplace, gladly following him. “Maybe they thought we were boring?” You suggested.

“Darling, please,” Tom sighed “Tom Holland is never boring.” He grinned.

“Yeah, because Tom Holland is a giant dick.” You shot back.

“Correction,” He held his forefinger up “Tom Holland has a giant dick.” 

You rolled your eyes and said, “You are disgusting.” Tom just smirked at you in response.  

You and Tom spent so much time studying here. It even got to the point that you had to spend your birthday, studying at a cafe.

“Happy birthday, darling” Tom hummed as he sat the plate down on top of your growing tower of psych books. 

“Tom,” you groaned, all of a sudden feeling shy. “I told you that I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday especially since I have a huge midterm tomorrow.” 

It’s not that you hated birthdays, you actually like birthdays. You like giving meaningful presents, writing cards and going the extra mile. You like every aspect of it. You just didn’t like celebrating yours. Birthdays eventually lost its meaning to you since it didn’t hold that much value as it did when you were younger. 

For you, it was just another day.

“Oh c’mon, y/n,” He pouted “I kept my promise and even gave you a shitty birthday card like you insisted. The day’s almost coming to an end, we have got to at least acknowledge it somehow.” Tom placed a single candle on the slice of chocolate cake that was currently sitting on top of your notes.

After carefully lighting up the candle, Tom pushed the cake towards you and said: “Make a wish, darling.” 

“This is stupid.” 

“It’s your birthday and I don’t want to hear another word. Now close your eyes and make a wish.” He demanded. 

You rolled your eyes playfully but proceeded to close your eyes anyway. You racked your brain for anything, actually considering of making a wish. 

Once you opened your eyes and saw that gorgeous smile that was plastered all over Tom’s face, you suddenly felt selfish for wishing such a thing. 

“So,” You raised an eyebrow at him. “What did you wish for?” He asked inquisitively.

“I’m not telling or else it wouldn’t come true.” You proclaimed with a teasing smile hanging off your lips. But really, all you wished was for this to last longer. 

You loved that you had someone like Tom and you know it was entirely selfish to wish that you could keep him in your life. Yet you couldn’t help it. 

You and Tom were also here when he needed someone to hold on to, as he found out that his grandma died. 

You told Tom that you’re going to be there for him, no matter what happens. 

But Tom needed to be with himself for a short while, and you granted him that. You gave him time and space in order for him to grieve. 

So when he texted you saying “let’s meet at our usual place,” You were already grabbing your keys and your wallet, ready to walk out of the door. 

The cafe was quieter than usual because of the nonstop-pouring rain. You quickly ordered a small latte before spotting Tom, slumped over one of the booths. 

You quietly slid next to him, waiting for Tom to say something. But he didn’t. He just took a quick glance at you before tilting his head back, though this time, he sat properly. 

Not long, he moved closer to you and left absolutely no space between the two of you. He returned to his slouching position and rested his head over your shoulder. He then reached for your hand, always finding comfort with how intensely warm your hands were against his.

With fingers interlocked with yours, he spoke quietly “When you leave, you’d say goodbye, right?” 

For someone who found love and comfort with the constant flow of words, it was ironic when you found yourself lost for it. 

“Yeah,” you managed to breathe out. “But I would never leave you, Tom. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.” 

“I hope you don’t” He replied. “because I wouldn’t know what to do if you did.” 

There were two promises that were made that day: You’d never leave and You’d say goodbye when you leave. You knew you broke a promise, but your pride wouldn’t let you admit that to yourself.

Alyssa knew that you and Tom spent most of your time here since she was mostly working whenever you both drop by. You snapped herself back to reality but found yourself in oblivion as you tried to find words in reply.

Alyssa seemed to pick up the tension that you were in and she immediately took all of it back and said her sorries. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I was just curious about what happened between the two of you. I was so used to seeing you both together and-”

“It’s fine, Al. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what happened either.” You replied, a sad smile playing upon your lips. “I guess some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” Alyssa apologized profusely.

“It’s alright, Aly.” You reassured Alyssa before grabbing your pie and coffee “Thanks for the coffee.” 

You went back to your table. You were in a small booth near the bookshelves and the fireplace. It was also pressed against the glass window from where you can see the people passing by. This used to be your table. 

You took a sip from your coffee and placed your attention back to the blank page that was staring right back at you. You recognized this feeling way too much; the peculiar feeling within you and writing.

You hated it. You hated this. You thought it was foolish of you to assume that everything was okay, that you were okay.

So you shut your laptop off, and instead pulled out your journal and pen. 

When you feel like your thoughts are getting the best of you, you focus on one thing and just write about it. 

You thought about your drive here: How many red lights did you encounter, how long it took you to drive here, how you saw that one dog owner who nearly lost their dog as the leash slipped off their hands. 

Scribbling made you feel that you were finally at one with your thoughts and drowned everything around you. You drowned the sounds of the coffee machine, the faint music playing from the speakers of the cafe, and the soft chattering of the people in the background.

Tom entered the cafe for the first time in two years, along with his best mate, Harrison. Tom didn’t know why, but he avoided this cafe at all costs. So it came as a wonder when Alyssa saw Tom prancing across the counter.

“Oh, hi Tom! Fancy seeing you here.” Alyssa greeted.

Tom was caught off guard when he realized that it was Alyssa who was at the till. “Uh, hi Aly! How are 'ya?”

“I’m well, you?”

“I’m fine,” Tom answered politely. Harrison just gave Alyssa a polite smile. 

Tom hardly dragged Harrison to a cafe, this one especially. They have been friends for as long as they can remember but it was just never their thing. Sure they usually grab coffee together but never here since they all knew this was both of Y/N and Tom’s thing.

You, Tom, and Harrison were all friends. You all grew up together, went to the same school together, and hung out all the time. You and Tom just happened to spend a lot more time together so you two were a lot closer. 

It wasn’t a big deal for Harrison though, he liked you two together. He never felt out place whenever you three are all hanging out because you’re all equally whack whenever you’re all together. 

However, he definitely took pleasure in pestering the two of you with the question: “Have you two finally moved to the “boning each other” stage yet?” 

It earned a handful of smacks from the two of you. Haz found no pleasure in that area just so everyone was clear. 

Harrison definitely wondered what happened between the two of you. He expected that you two should’ve been dating now but something happened and all of a sudden, everything changed. 

He tried asking Tom about it but he would always just dodge the question and then would move on to something else.

He also tried to ask you about it but you always gave the same answer, “Maybe life intended it to be this way.” 

Haz tried stopped asking after that.

“Fancy anything, mate?” Tom asked Harrison.

“I’ll just have a large vanilla iced coffee, thanks,” Harrison answered.

Alyssa nodded as she attentively entered his order at the till. She then turned her attention to Tom and asked for his order.

Tom scanned his eyes over the menu. Nothing really changed much, except for the seasonal drinks that usually come and go throughout the year.

“Iced coffee with extra cream and no sweetener?” Aly asked Tom. 

Tom became flustered, not knowing that Alyssa still remembers his order.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” Tom said, watching Aly in astonishment. “I’m surprised you still remember.”

“Yeah, well, you and y/n were regulars.” She replied absentmindedly. Alyssa then realized what just came out from her mouth and quickly apologized.

Tom brushed it off quickly, saying it wasn’t really a big deal. Tom instructed Haz to look for an empty table as he paid for their coffee. While waiting for their order to get made, Tom suddenly heard the familiar line from their favourite song. Well, what used to be their favourite song.

“I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.”  

You had this odd feeling wrapped around you. You felt uneasy and wanted to leave the cafe immediately. So you gathered your things and slung your backpack on your right shoulder while you held your coffee on with your left hand. 

While you were making your way towards the door, you heard the line from the song that brought too many memories and stopped dead from your tracks. 

This song brought that very specific memory that still crushed your heart into tiny little pieces. 

“Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to the dance.” Tom apologized as he handed you the dripping plate. You wiped and neatly put them back in the cupboard.

“It’s not a big deal, Tom.” You replied as you continued mindlessly wiping the dishware.

You were in your third year in university and the student org was throwing a huge winter ball. Considering you were part of the org, your attendance was mandatory.

It wasn’t until the morning of the dance that Tom had to cancel on you. He had to take a late shift at the bookstore since his coworker called in sick. Tom hasn’t stopped apologizing since.

“It is a big deal!” He exclaimed, “You already bought a dress and everything! I know because Harrison was complaining about how you’ve managed to drag him across the mall, by the way.”

“That little snitch,” You grumbled, “remind me to smack him next time, yeah?”

Tom chuckled as he turned off the faucet and watched you finish clearing the stack of plates.

“You shouldn’t have to skip the dance for me you know?” He said softly.

“I know, but I wasn’t going to the dance both dateless and miserable.” You replied. “You know I only come to these things because you were always there to make it insufferable.”

You didn’t really mind as you were not entirely thrilled to go to the dance anyway. You can always just return the dress and get your money back. You also wouldn’t have to spend at least 3 hours of getting ready. The whole process of getting ready was exhausting enough for you, but as if every god heard your prayers, you had a reason to ditch the dance. 

If anything, this situation was a total win for you.

Of course, you had to make up an excuse for ditching. Saying that you “had to take care of your little sibling at the last minute and none of the sitters could pull through.”

“Oh, what would you do without me?” Tom sighed dramatically as he pulled you close to him and wrapped his arms around your waist.

You rolled your eyes playfully before you looked up at him, “Don’t flatter yourself too much, Holland. Your head can’t possibly fit that big ego inside ‘ya.” You said as you softly patted his cheek and broke out of his touch.

“Take me back to the night we met.”

Tom shook the whole feeling off when he heard Ally yell their orders. Not forgetting to thank her, he grabbed the coffee as soon as possible and whisked his way to find Harrison.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you.” 

“C’mon, darling.” Tom reached for your hand as he stood up and gave you that heart-melting smile he always carried with him. 

“Tom, what are you doing?” You asked with a bemused smile but went along with it anyway. 

You and Tom just finished watching the first Harry Potter film. Since you weren’t going to the dance anyway, you two opted for a movie marathon instead while your little sibling was sleeping soundly upstairs. 

The excuse wasn’t a total lie. 

“Don’t say I never do things for you.” He joked as he grabbed the throw blanket and tied it around your waist. 

“And what exactly are you trying to do?” You teased. 

“Shut up.” He mumbled and connected his phone through the speakers, careful with maxing up the volume. 

As the soft melody slowly filled the room, he held his hand out in front of you and said, “Y/N, may I have this dance?” 

You playfully rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop smiling at the whole gesture. You took his hand briefly and soon enough, you had your arms wrapped around his torso while his arms were wrapped around your waist. 

With your face slightly buried against his chest, as you two slowly moved through the song, you softly mumbled: “I like this song.”

Tom chuckled softly. “Yeah, I like it too. Wanna know where I found it?” 

“Where?”

“On Harrison’s Spotify playlist. The name of the playlist was ‘when the time finally comes.’“ Tom answered. 

“Oh, that’s cute.” You commented. 

“That’s not even the ringer. Wanna know what the description of it said?” 

“Shoot.” 

“The description said, ‘for my two best mates who are blind enough to see how much they’re attracted to each other. you know who you are.’“

You wriggled yourself back to reality and quietly whispered to yourself that you are not going to do it now, and not in this place. 

With your head down, you brisked up your way towards the door and accidentally bumped shoulders with someone.

As you looked up to apologize to the person you accidentally bumped into, you just wished you didn’t. 

Because then, you were staring into a familiar pair of eyes and it took the colour out of the both of you.

“Take me back to the night we met.”  

“Y/N,” Tom breathed out, completely astounded at the sight of his best friend- ex-best friend, standing in front of him.

You were equally shaken on the inside and felt like you stared at him for the longest of time. He looked older. He was definitely not the same boyish-Tom that you last saw. He had his hair swept back, making it impossible not to stare at his annoyingly perfect face. You also noticed that he was wearing glasses and you couldn’t help but wonder if he actually has prescriptions now or is he still wearing them for his fashion statement. 

At that moment, you felt your heart clench a little. You miss the feeling you get whenever you’re around him. You miss Tom. 

But things change, and people change. 

When you found out that your work entails you to live at an entirely different continent for a year, you felt like you were thrown with a bucket of cold water. 

You didn’t have the heart to tell Tom, but you had to. You owe him that. 

“Hey darling,” He greeted through the phone. You can sense the smile on his face and that is enough to form tears in your eyes. 

“Hey Tommy,” Your voice was strained, as you were fighting back your tears. “Listen, remember when I told you about the writing gig I had been obsessing on for months now?” 

“Yeah, what about it?” He asked, “Are you okay, y/n? You sound like you’re-”

“-crying, I know. It’s just I’m so excited you know? Can you believe they’re flying me to New York?!” At this point, you didn’t hold back. Tears were streaming down your face and you were praying to make the pain go away.

Tom was silent for a while before he finally mutters, “New York?”

“Mhm.” You hummed in agreement, holding back your sobs. “Apparently, they want me to settle in as soon as possible so my flight is booked for tomorrow.” 

“Is this your way of saying goodbye?” 

“No.” You answered almost instantly. “I have the whole afternoon to kill so maybe we can grab breakfast together? Spend a couple of hours together before Harrison joins us for lunch.” 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Tom said quietly. 

“Okay. Bye, Tommy.” 

“Bye.” 

Tom didn’t show up for breakfast. You tried texting and calling him but, he didn’t answer. You figured maybe he slept in and would be joining you and Harrison for lunch instead, but you were wrong. He didn’t show up at all. 

You were trying to keep a tight smile, at least for Harrison, but he knew. Harrison knew what you were feeling and instead just offered a shoulder for you to lean on as you waited for your flight to board. 

You didn’t want to leave but you weren’t also going to put your future in jeopardy. It was an opportunity you couldn’t just simply pass up, especially not for someone who didn’t understand what it meant to you.

“Tom.” You barely said his name, as if it was going to burn your lips with acid as soon as it left from your mouth. 

No one said another word after that.

Though you can hear the small chatter from the people inside the coffee shop, there was a deafening silence between the both of you.

The uncertain feeling crawled up on your skin and no matter how you shrugged it off, it wouldn’t leave you alone. Boy, it drove you mad. Mad at how he can just stand in front of you, with a sad look in his eyes, as if all of it was your fault. Mad at how quickly you can melt and probably forgive Tom on the spot if he asked so easily.

Tom didn’t have any right to feel sorry, yet you felt like he did.

[tarithenurse]

New Years Eve

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Avenger!Reader Content: Pining, fluff, lemons. Don’t read if you’re not old enough. A/N: Refound the draft for this which I must have started back in December 2017. Thought it was about time to finish it...even if it’s not really NY Eve soon. And still...didn’t do proper proof reading. Sorry.

”The party of the year”, had been the way Tony described it when he secured your attendance for his New Years bash more than two months ago. Since then, you’d only heard rumours about the plans, and you’d been too preoccupied about getting through your solo-mission to spare a thought. That’s why you’d more than happily accepted when Wanda and Natasha had offered to sort whatever was needed that night.

Leaning back in the car seat, you really hope your two friends and co-Avengers have kept their end of the promise, whatever it might entail. No texts or calls have come your way which had been rather relaxing. For a while. Now not so much. Both Wanda and Nat are perfectly capable of being reasonable adult with common sense, but sometimes they end up in a mood where they wind each other up. Add Clint to the mix and the result will be disastrous, yet brilliant, pranking. For all you know, you might be on the way back to a cellophane covered room and a New Year’s outfit suitable for disguising the wearer as a flamingo.

...

Even after very careful inspection of your rooms, you’ve not been able to find any pranks lurking. And the outfit? It couldn’t have been better which is good because a few hours from arrival to party-start wouldn’t have left you with a whole lot of option. Why not re-use a dress or something? That’s what you normally would, but in usual Stark style the party has to be themed and this time it’s “animals” – hence the worry about the flamingo. But you’re in luck and the outfit is perfect.

More than perfect, you admit to yourself as you smooth a hand over the tightfitting number you’ve wriggled into. Tiny, faux scales in an oily-black shade is covering your body, only broken by the plunging cleavage and daring slit at along the thigh and a series of red accents that shimmer like fire across you chest and hips. Unfortunately, it does little to steel your nerves. It’s too…too…little! You feel exposed, naked.

A knock on the door barely precedes Natasha and Wanda who come barging in. They’re ready to go (one as a tiger and the other representing her alias’ namesake) and are here to put the last touches to their plan.

…

“I feel…like someone else!”

The woman staring back at you from the mirror is perfect. Dark makeup compliments the outfit (normally you’d only go as wild as mascara), and the usually unruly hair has been tamed into a surprisingly long, sleek braid that on its own looks like the snake you symbolize.

“You don’t like it?” Wanda cocks her head, causing the plushy tiger-ears to wobble endearingly.

You frown at the mirror. “I…I do! It’s just so…not how I normally look…” Do you? “That there,” you gesture helplessly, “she’s…I mean…hot and I’m not.”

“Jeez, good thing we got you sorted then.” Natasha’s adjusting the red/black corset one last time but spares a glance in your direction. “It’s about time you see what everyone else sees.”

Everyone? There’s no room in your head to consider the possible implications of that, so you try to ignore the hot bubble of nerves in your stomach. It’s just Nat and Wanda saying it. They’re your friends. Supportive, sweet, honest…but not objective. Hell, you wouldn’t be surprised if a couple of the guys would claim you were pretty either. Like Tony, he compliments anyone he meets on their outfits or whatnot (even if there’s nothing new about it), and Thor and Steve are the biggest sweetheart although one is quiet and the other is boisterous about it. Yeah, but what about Sam. And there you go, thinking exactly what you didn’t want to.

Sam used to be your friend. A buddy you hung out with and who showed you the ropes when you joined the Avengers. You still try to do that, but each moment around him is close to painful because you don’t see him as a casual friend anymore. You should because that’s what you guys are…but it’s not enough. What you feel for him is so much more. Trusting him with your life would be the easiest thing. And there’s no limit to what you’d do for him both in the field and outside to make sure he is safe and happy. Fuck.

“Hey! Viper, where you at?” Nat’s voice reaches through the swirling thoughts.

Both ladies are waiting at the open door, ready to head out. Mumbling an apology, you hurry after them, hoping they don’t notice your quickened breath and pulse.

“Why a black snake?” Standing in the elevator, it’s only now that it strikes you as odd. “I mean…as Viper it would make sense to use that for the animal tonight.”

“People might get suspicious,” Wanda shrugs, busy inspecting her nails.

Nat’s busy looking for something in her tiny purse but manages to talk past a thin knife: “Bwe’ide, ‘omeone elwe claimed it.”

…

You’d been lucky that there already were plenty people at the venue, meaning you could snake in between the other guests and head straight for the bar (ditching your friends at the same time).

“Gin ‘n tonic, please.”

Waiting for the drink, you look around the place. It’s busy, both at the bar running the length of the ball room, but also at the place in general. Hundreds of people are milling about, snatching canapés from trays carried by various birds (not actual birds, but waiters dressed as flamingos, cranes and so on). Huge tables with champagne pyramids is the only “classic” New Year’s theme while the place has been invaded by what appears to be an entire jungle. Lush green plants and exotic flowers create section in the large area while trees and hanging plants mingle above the heads of the guests, infiltrating the chandeliers to the point where you don’t think they will ever get free again.

“There y’are!” Nat’s smoky voice curls around you together with your arm. “Found the others by the palm trees. Steve’s a cat with yarn and all.”

It’s impossible not to take than bait, so you let her lead the way as soon as you got the cool drink in hand. They’re a sight to behold. Not just Steve the Kitten, but also Tony the Unicorn (sporting a long horn with which he attempts to skewer hors d’oeuvres when Pepper the Peacock isn’t looking) and well, probably everyone, but of course your mind is being silly and making sure to get stuck on the sight of the one person you shouldn’t watch.

Hot damn. Green scales glitter in the light as they adorn Sam’s suit, making it looks as if a viper’s curling around his body in a way you wouldn’t mind mimicking. No! I shouldn’t think that. At least he hasn’t noticed you because he’s too busy examining the rear end of Tony.

“You installed cooling?” His warm voice muffled by the fake tail hanging down.

“Wha’?! He’s got air-con?!” An edge of betrayal is powering Rhodes’ disbelief. “Man, you said I couldn’t get my exo cooled!” Hurrying over to take a look through Stark’s rear, he pushes Sam aside.

“Hey! Wa–” But Sam never gets further.

His eyes are scorching your skin but it’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking. Out of sheer nervousness, you fidget with the metal straw in the drink, almost inhaling the clear liquid. Suddenly, the dress is too revealing, causing your guts to clench in a desperate plea for hiding, but the moment you try to move to get a bit behind Nat and Bucky, you feel the air breeze through the slit. Shit. Heat is rushing through your body.

“You’re looking good.” It’s Steve. “Like what Wanda and Nat have done, sticking with the venomous snake theme.” His friendly chuckle helps you soften up a bit as memories of your old life flashes by.

Growing up in the slums in the biggest city in South America had taught you a lot – even more so during the hardest periods where you stole away to survive in the jungle instead, figuring it was safer than being near the gangs and drug cartels. In hindsight, neither option could’ve been considered safe, but that was at least you learned enough to eventually take up the fight. Try to protect innocent people from the violent crime lords. That’s how you’d gotten onto the Avengers’ radar. Why they came to capture you. It was a good thing Clint had been there on that trip because he convinced the others to bring you back.

“Thanks. Feels odd not to wear something more…practical.”

A broad smile flashes. “I get it. Penguin suits are fine, but they aren’t made for moving.”

“That too.” Need to get away. “’Scuse me.”

Slipping away between the myriad of guests, you circle the room once while pretending to admire the decorations. In reality, you’re scoping the place for quiet corners and easy escape routes. But soon enough your feet are carrying you back to the bar for a refill. From there it’s possible to see most of the room…including the random flashes of a familiar green. My colour.

…

How can it not be near midnight?! It’s never been this awkward hanging out with the team. Sure, the chatting and fun is still going on…it’s just you that finds it hard to feel comfortable in your own skin as long as your near Sam. You’d tried talking to him, pretending everything’s fine. Normal. No unrequited love tearing you up from the inside, making it feel like someone has dripped your old venoms straight into your heart.

So you try to spend your time on the dance floor where no one expects you to carry on a conversation as you can lose yourself in the rhythms. Otherwise it’s the bar that calls, luring you with cold G&Ts until your head is buzzing comfortably. Not drunk…because you never know what can happen. 4th of July was bad, you remember, pushing the ice cubes around in the tall glass.

A delicate but strong hand clamps onto your shoulder, startling you.

“Relax, hon, just me.” The redhead takes a seat beside you. “Do you want me to ask or are you just gonna talk?”

“’Bout what?”

You don’t even have to look at her to know she’s rolling the eyes. “Why you moping.”

“Oh.” The straw clinks against your teeth. She’s bluffing. “Ask away. Doesn’t mean I got anything to tell.”

Somehow managing not to spill the martini, Nat whips around to face you. “Right, of course not. ‘Cause it’s not like you’ve been harbouring a huge crush on a special gentleman.” Your glare doesn’t discourage her. “Maybe you should consider why the viper was taken so quickly.” And with that she floats away, drink in one hand and hips swaying elegantly to the music.

…

Dancing with Steve is an interesting experience: as physically gifted as he may be, this is one thing he has a hard time getting the hang on although he does his best to follow your instructions while both of you are grinning like fools, the ending of the song still brings a certain relief. Until you turn around straight into Sam’s arms. For a second, he seems just as baffled as you do, but then his trademark crooked grin lights up his face.

“Guess there’s no way about it now…wanna dance?” A warm hand is already skimming along your hip although the other waits for your decision.

It’s odd how perfectly his fingers fit around yours, how his arms seem to create a bubble of calmness that seeps into you until your breath is even and your heartbeat follows an unheard rhythm. Fingers with blood-red nails slither across venomous-green faux scales until coming to a rest on Sam’s shoulder.

“Didn’t know you liked that colour.” It looks amazing on him. “You should use it in your uniform.”

They’re playing an old Frank Sinatra song that you’ve heard a million times, allowing your brain to switch off and Sam to lead you effortlessly.

“I’ve thought about it…didn’t wanna to steal from you, tho’.”

He twirls you in his arms before dipping you, causing your heart to pound rapidly against the ribs so hard he might hear it (especially considering how close to your cleavage his ear is). Not like you haven’t stolen anything already.

“Oh, is that so?” Pulling you back up, chest against chest, it’s evident that you must have spoken your thoughts. “What’d I steal, babe?”

Babe. Sure, he’s used nicknames before. He’s the master of thinking up witty monikers for everyone on the team and failing that there’s always the classical endearments which he freely uses for everyone. This time, though, it’s spoken in a soft purr that makes it sound anything like the usual banter. You can’t take your eyes off him as your try to kick your brain back into action. A quick sweep of the tongue to get your mouth working brings back the taste of lipstick and G&T, brings Sam’s focus onto the red colour adorning your lips and his eyes darken momentarily.

Maybe you should consider why the viper was taken so quickly. Nat’s words echo in your mind and small details that you’ve never really given much thought start to fall into place. The way Sam always makes sure there’s a spot on the couch on movie nights, or how he somehow checks in a bit more frequently on missions than with the others. He even knows how you like your tea and coffee, despite the fact that you aren’t sure yourself.

“Sam…” you bite your bottom lip, still nervous.

“[Y/N]?”

Somewhere outside the bubble he’s created, the music is still playing, and people are getting closer to the new year, but inside, it’s just the two of you standing closer than humanly possible, allowing your lips to brush easily over his. Maybe the soft sigh is from him, it doesn’t matter. Just the fact that he recaptures your lips to deepen the kiss is important. His hand travels up the back to cradle your neck, the other arm drawing you closer.

…

The party is far away across town when the new year approaches. Clothes are discarded around the familiar room as Sam looks at you from under heavy lips. His hand is resting on your head that bobs slowly in unison with your hand. Each time the tip of your tongue twirls around the crown of his cock he hums in approval and you can feel his muscles work under the free hand you’re supporting yourself with partially.

His erection twitches as moans become groans, maybe spurred on at the quiet laughter you can’t hold back. It’s exhilarating to have such power over him, but next moment it’s gone as he pulls your away. Sam’s got you on your back quicker than you’d anticipated, lips trailing hot over the goosebumps covering your body and then…then he’s the one in control as mouth, tongue and fingers play you like an instrument, coaxing sounds from you that increasingly sound like his name. Sound like begging.

Your limbs are shaking when he pulls you onto his lap. Hands on your hips, the gorgeous man allows you to set the pace after he has aligned the throbbing cock with your wet core, and as you finally glide down the shaft, as he fills you up more than anyone has before, both of you cling on.

Open mouths breathing hard. Sweat glistening on skin. Moans. Strangled cries of pleasure. Partially suspended above your arching body, your name tumbles from Sam’s lips while his hips rock into you. Harder, faster. Your legs are on the verge of cramping from the iron hold around his waist, ankles locking behind his backs while your nails are digging into his shoulder blades.

Outside the window, fireworks light up the night sky, their explosions nearly drowned out by his name as you both tumble over the edge and into the hazy sea of bliss.

[homesception]

May 31, 2013 - part 1: wherein Lobac eats a cookie.

To be fair, it has been like two hundred years since my last update.  That’s a pretty good nap.  Just means I’m all the more rested to work on new stuff, right?  I mean, I need to keep a spritely pace up if I still plan on catching up to Lobac’s liveblog before said liveblog catches up to the comic.  Which for sure is still an actual thing at all, and not a bit of exclusive humor between friends.

Last time Lobac was getting into some theory crafting and analysis of the classpect system.  I didn’t have much to say about that at the time, particularly not much that wouldn’t qualify as spoilers, so iirc I was mostly just responding with random thoughts and video links, half of which are dead now.  There was a bit left over looking at the troll’s perster names, which was also good stuff, but lacking anything coherent to say about it, I’ll just gloss past the rest of that post, apart from:

Lobac said:

Thank you all for sticking around °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

As if you could ever get rid of me.  ~{@PQ}~

Moving on, we rejoin the comic with PM visiting the Black Queen to retrieve the mysterious GREEN PACKAGE, which had been impounded by agents of the Black Court as a result of a traffic violation.  The Black Queen cuts an imposing figure, and Lobac is, of course, duly imposed.

later, Lobac said:

Are those… tentacles ( ´ _ ｀) I thought only the imps were affected by the prototypings?

OH SHIT OH SHIT THAT LOOKS SO COOL HOT DAMN (゜▽゜) Wowow look at her joints! Look at all the carapace-y stuff going on there!

These days, Lobac’s soft spot for this particular sort of shiny, black, possibly betentacled monster-type aesthetic is well documented.  I’m pretty sure she would have loved the black queen’s design even if it wasn’t just objectively cool as hell, but that certainly doesn’t hurt.  I’m kind of sad that we never got a proper fight scene out of this particular version of her.

That’s not a spoiler is it?  I’m pretty sure that’s not a spoiler.

Yeah, the random objects the kids threw in the general directions of their seizuresprites are directly affecting the final boss. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG HERE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

I don’t see the problem here.  Nothing the kids could possibly put in those sprites could be at all unsettling or dangerous.

haa haa.  hee hee.  hoo hoo.

Her face is so weird though It’s Jaspers-shaped, and her eyes are constantly narrowed, I can’t even tell whether it’s in distaste or amusement

Why not both?

Andrew sure is proud of that hand’s close-up She’s not even dramatically pointing she’s literally just saying “yeah I dunno anything about that kinda shit you best go down there and ask my pretty princess, I mean, subordinate”

It is a pretty great hand, honestly.  I think this particular image gets called back to a few more times yet.

Yeah Rose! You go and fulfill your as of yet unclear vaguely Seering-related destiny

Yeah, Rose!  Get on that, maybe!

ROSE NO YOU ARE 13 THAT IS GONNA TASTE AWFUL TO YOU Heh I legitimately don’t know whether her mom would be proud of or disappointed in her if she could see her now Is this an act of defiance or emulation Just silly teenage antics, probably, but I’d like to think she misses her

Rooooooose Rose nooooooooooooooooo （ ´ω｀） Ehehe I love how the artstyle turns super silly to reflect how upset/surprised she is

These two panels constitute one of the most iconic funny moments in the comic.  It works really well.  Shoot, I should have done the post topper-edit based on these, huh?  Oh, well.  The one I already did took like four hours, mostly due to my extreme rustiness, so I’m not going back now.

Otherwise, I also like to think of Rose missing her mom here.  Maybe not admitting it to herself, but still.  I also still ascribe to the “everything Mom ever did was 110% unironic, Rose made up the whole passive aggressive conflict between them in her head, her mom wasn’t passive agressive she was just a bonkers drunk rich lady” headcannon that I think I spoke about ages ago in this very liveblog.

Anyway, yeah, this is both a hilarious joke and a fantastic little character moment for Rose.  Another contributing factor to Rose being my big early favorite with a seemingly insurmountable head start in the ‘best character’ race.

Actually, lately, since the end of the comic, she’s been gaining ground again for me?  I mean, one of the trolls definitely surpassed her for most of my Homestuck fan life, but... eh, whatever.  There’s no way I can getting into how my feelings about those characters developed over the comics life without being way more spoilery than even I’ve already been, so that kind of talk will have to wait for later.  Even if later means ‘years from now’ or ‘never’.

BOO FUCKING YAH, IT’S THE WHITE QUEEN Or Windswept Questant, for now She’s also as of yet uncorrupted by the kids’ silly sprite shenanigans

Lobac had been waiting for this reveal for a while, I think.

PM: Command John to put the carved tablet into a pyxis.

You follow the command telling you to command John to put the carved tablet in the pyxis and type, “John, put the carved tablet into the pyxis.” You successfully do that, and he successfully does that too. Everyone is friendly and cooperative.

Ah yes, you so rarely get this kind of friendly cooperation from narrators these days

It was a rather uncommonly tidy sequence, for this comic.

Shit I just remembered those typing hands we saw when trying to name Jack, the reader is like a physically present entity??? Maybe???

What prompted this thought?  The earlier black queen hand image hanging in your head, then a bit about narrators entering text, and that old bit just pops up?  It’s cool how brains work, making intuitive connections and all that.

What if we eventually zoom out to reveal a human exile commanding everyone. We’ve only been watching that human mess around up until now. The real story begins when they just suddenly go “whelp that was kinda fun. gotta look for food tho” at an incredibly dramatic moment.They turn away from the console.  And then we watch them slump through the desert for thousands of pages and their journey of introspective self-discovery is the actual story. Yes.

Shit, Lobac just predicted the whole narrative!  No point in continuing this liveblog, I guess.  “[#P%]t

Well, obviously this means that WV has an uncanny knack for distances and PM has one for sounds AR can probably track down crimes by their scent He’s like McGruff the Crime Dog, but a little less fluffy

I used to love McGruff the Crime Dog.  Until I grew up and realized he was a tool of THE MAN.

dear gOD SHE REALLY IS PUTTING JACK IN DRESSES (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ He and Slick are basically the same person, right? Oh man he is gonna stab the shit out of her one of these days

~{%|%}~

Jack Noir, more like JACK NO. NO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT THERE MURDERING PEOPLE AND FROLICKING THROUGH THE STREETS WITH YOUR ASSHOLE CREW. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS PATHETIC o(`д´ ｡)

I’d say this is a “be careful what you wish for” moment, but I think Lobac knew exactly what she was doing here.

Ticket? Oh, this thing. Ha, ha, look at that, you are holding a ticket. How did that get in your hand? It belongs on the desk with the others. No, you are not here to pay a parking ticket. You explain to the frightening man that you are here to pick up that green parcel.

GIVE ME A C! GIVE ME A U! GIVE ME A T AND I AND E! sheeEEEE’S A CUTIE!!!!

Honestly, they’re all cuties.  the cuteness of the entire cast, even the villains mostly, in both visual depiction and personality, really is a big selling point of the whole comic.

There was a time when I wasn’t super into cute things.  I was never viscerally opposed to cuteness, never when through a virulently anti-girly-stuff phase, but these days I’m MUCH more into things being cute.  I just like cute characters!  Sure, I like things that are somber and spooky, but the best is when they’re somber and spooky AND super cute!

Like, Hollow Knight.  That whole game is like exactly my favorite aesthetic these days.  Sad and morose and dark and adorable.

But more often than not homestuck still comes pretty close to that ideal.  You just want to hug the shit out of all of these doofuses, a few stab wounds here or there be damned.  Speaking of stab wounds...

WHOOPS TENSION. THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT. I DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO START KILLING PEOPLE OK

Maybe Lobac didn’t know what she was asking for earlier.

Wait, the crowns, what the fuck, he wants her to KILL THE KING AND QUEEN??? SHE’S JUST A MAIL LADY ヾ(´･-･｀)ノ”

How does he even know she’s desperate enough to kill people just to get one package?

The PARCEL MISTRESS departs with her mission of double agency. You wonder if she’ll actually be so foolish as to attempt to uphold her end of the lopsided bargain. You make a policy of handing out a REGISWORD and a HITLIST to just about everyone who enters your office. But you never think anyone’s actually going to GO THROUGH with it. 

What a phenomenal asshole That explains that

pretty much.  As for the box itself...

Yeeeeah you’re not actually gonna show me so, go ahead, taunt me, get it over with

PFFFFPFPFPFPFFF WHAT SOMETHING COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS APPARENTLY? NOT AS RIDICULOUS AS HIS FACE THO. Magnificent asshole cutie

Hahah, \[&P%]/

Anyway, at this point the action cuts back to the kids, and that seems a good a time as any to take a break.  I could just save this as a draft and finish the rest of lobac’s post later?  I mean, then I wouldn’t have to take extra time for another panel edit?  But I kind of want to post something now, so I guess well do this one in parts again.  part 2 scheduled for, let’s be ambitious and say may 2022

How did I ever use to have the time for this blogging shit?  I’ve been working on this for like six hours, and only got like a third of the way through one update?  I guess I was just younger then.

I’m so old now.  Time just gets away from me.

And my back hurts all the time.

[thederailedtrain]

The Mark of Oblivion: Loose Ends [Five]

All things considered, spending the day in the basement of the shop wasn’t so bad. Really, the worst parts were the lack of comfortable seating and not being able to shower. Also, not having a phone anymore sucked. Kira hoped she was due for an upgrade, otherwise that bill was going to suck.

Besides her phone, she had everything she needed. Gus brought her breakfast alongside a hardcopy of her thesis and then dinner later that night. Cedric visited her as well once he’d taken a nap, and regularly after that. Every time, he apologized profusely, but Kira brushed it all off. None of this was his fault and just because she couldn’t sleep didn’t mean he had to stay up for her. He was an incubus, and Kira still remembered what he’d told her about his kind during their early magic lessons. Sleep was crucial for him. She wasn’t about to deprive him of it.

Honestly, the hardest times were when she just couldn’t look at her thesis for another second. Trying to get a read on the shop patrons overhead gave her something to do during the day, but when closing time came around, Kira found herself alone again. It was just really boring.

Kira had much worse days. She forced herself not to think of those last few days at the end of the summer after her undergrad graduation, when she practically lived at the hospital.

But the thought had already come to her. It struck deep within her heart, a place she hadn’t touched in years. The memory was enough to make her chest ache and, before Kira knew what was happening, the basement was once again filled with waves of explosive energy.

Once she finally reigned everything back in, the first thing she did was chuck her phone across the room with a shout. What did it matter? It was already dead anyway.

Afterwards, Kira stood in the center of the room for some time. She had no idea what to do with herself. Cedric told her he was going to bed hours ago and he slept like the dead, so Kira doubted he’d woken up from this most recent meltdown. Gus was practically nocturnal, even moreso after his change, but he probably wasn’t awake now either. How would she even get into contact with him? The same went for Toni.

There wasn’t anyone she could talk to, not really. She was alone. Completely and utterly alone. The only person who could even understand what she was going through was in the hospital, fighting for his life.

Just the thought of Salazar was enough to bring heat to Kira’s chest once more. She caught it quickly this time, swallowing it down. Kira placed a hand over her heart and waited for the beats to become less frequent, softer.

Once everything was back to normal, she let out a long breath and dropped slowly to her knees. From there, Kira carefully rolled onto her back, sprawling out on the basement floor. Yeah, it was cold and dirty, but it was the most comfortable option she had at the moment.

At least being alone meant she could process everything that had just happened without outside distractions. Her dreams really had been prophetic. Layla was back. Layla had stabbed Salazar - stabbed her father - and delivered an ominous warning. I’ll be around. Kira had been given the Mark of Oblivion. She was the Guardian of Mixba’al.

How was that only twenty-four hours ago? It felt like a lifetime. But when Kira looked back at it, she realized just how little had happened since. That’s why the pain of loss and reunion was still so fresh. Each memory threatened to light her up from the inside, but Kira was getting better at bringing herself back from going thermonuclear. Not one hundred percent of the time, but it was still an improvement. What good would she be as Guardian if she couldn’t even control this?

By the time she heard Cedric moving around upstairs again, everything at least felt real. That made it easier to think about without the Mark acting up. Not entirely safe, but easier. Only a couple more hours, Kira told herself, and then she could stop channeling the same neutral magic.

The door of the basement opened and a gasp immediately followed. “Kira!” Cedric’s cry was one of a man whose breath had been knocked from his lungs by shock.

Oh, right, Kira thought. Lying down face up on the floor probably wasn’t a good look on her right now. Kira grumbled out a curse as she opened her eyes and pulled herself onto her elbows. Her body ached from lying on concrete and the basement lighting was a lot harsher than she remembered. She had to blink a couple times before Cedric’s figure at the top of the stairs came into focus.

Belatedly, she realized she probably needed another dose of Cedric’s energy drink potion. It was nearing the twenty-four hour mark he’d set earlier. Yeah, lying on the floor wasn’t the smartest decision.

Even from the floor, Kira could hear Cedric’s sigh of relief. “Oh, gods, Kira. I thought you were…”

“Dead?” Kira finished for him. He winced like that wasn’t the most obvious of answers to his unfinished statement. “Just dead bored.” She watched him cautiously descend the steps. “Any updates from Ravid?”

“Not yet, but she said twenty-four hours and she’s never let me down before,” Cedric replied. By the time he reached the basement floor and was standing in front of Kira, she hadn’t moved. He looked around for a moment before shrugging and taking a seat next to her. “How’ve you been?” Cedric added, eyes full of concern. Then, there was a spark of humor in them. “Besides bored, of course.”

“I’ve been...better,” Kira replied after a moment. What was the point in lying to him? “Kinda getting tired again, but if each dose of the potion lasts for twenty-four hours, and the charms will be ready before that, then I probably should refrain from taking another.”

Cedric nodded, following along. “And the magical outbursts? Do they seem to be getting better?”

“I guess?” Kira shrugged, but the way she phrased it as a question betrayed any confidence she’d been hiding behind. “But I can’t keep doing this. I have no idea what I’m doing. I need to get out of this basement. I need to sleep.” She took a breath, hating the way it shuddered on the exhale. “I need Salazar.”

“Well, then, I have some good news.” Kira looked up from where she’d been playing with a loose thread on her jeans and found Cedric smiling back at her. “I heard from the hospital when I got up this morning. Salazar made it through the night. He’s officially in stable condition.”

The sound Kira let out was supposed to be a cry of joy, but it came out garbled around the tears welling in her throat. She blinked away the water in her eyes, turning the sound into a laugh. Her voice was small when she asked, “Do you know when he’ll be...back?” She nearly said ‘home’.

“Not for another day or two,” Cedric sighed. “Josie was able to help him enough that he didn’t need surgery by the time the doctors got to him. However, they still want to keep him around for observation.”

Of course they did. Kira made a face. She hated hospitals. Just the thought of going made chills race up Kira’s spine. She refused to let herself imagine what Salazar looked like right now, tubes wrapped around his face, tying him to machines...Would Salazar be angry if she didn’t visit?

“Hey, there’s even more good news,” Cedric added when Kira gave no sign of outward response. “Ravid says she thinks everything should be ready by noon.”

Noon, as Kira found out, was only four hours away. That was all the motivation Kira needed to return to her thesis. Really, when else was she gonna have the time or the distractionless environment? The binder holding all her papers together looked a little worse for wear after having been caught up in more than one of Kira’s explosive episodes earlier, but there was still enough in there to dedicate her time to. Good thing this copy of her thesis wasn’t the final draft. Doctor Nichols would’ve probably been concerned with all the scorch marks.

Towards the end of her first run of edits, Kira caught herself resting her eyes for a little too long. She bolted upright, taking a huge breath. No, no, no, she couldn’t fall asleep. Not when she was so close.

Vaguely, Kira remembered something Gus had said about endorphins once. Endorphins were an exercise thing, right? Anything would help at this point, so Kira rolled her eyes and dropped into push-up position. God, she hadn’t kept up with exercise since dropping out of tae kwon do at the end of high school. Push-ups were a lot more difficult than she remembered.

“You doing alright down there?”

The sound of Cedric’s voice interrupted what was, by her count, her thirty-eighth push-up. Kira rolled onto her back, narrowing her brows at the man standing at the top of the stairs. He was smirking. She continued to glare, but filed away the look for later. It wasn’t one she got to see much these days.

Then, Kira suddenly jumped to her feet. Bad decision, as it turned out. She had to wait a second for the spots to clear from her vision. “Wait,” she said once she was steady on her feet again. “Are you checking up on me, or…” Kira couldn’t finish the sentence. It was too much to hope for.

The smirk on Cedric’s face softened into a warm smile. Kira would’ve run up the steps and leapt into Cedric’s arms were it not for the other face that appeared at his side in that moment. Kira recognized the woman from the times she’d come by the shop, usually to give Cedric a few more charms for consignment.

“Nice to see you, Kira,” Ravid greeted as she and Cedric made their way down the stairs.

“Good morning- afternoon. Is it afternoon?” Kira replied.

Suddenly, Kira was very aware of the effect thirty plus hours in a basement had taken on her appearance. No shower, no hairbrush, no change of clothes. Three day-old makeup. When Kira raised her hands to wave, she was dismayed to find the remnants of dried blood in her nail beds. By contrast, Ravid always looked so put-together. Her pantsuit today was no exception. Kira wanted to crawl into a hole, but she was already in a basement.

Cedric took a quick glance at his watch. “Just about.” Great, Kira had officially lost her sense of time. “Don’t worry, we’re about to get you out of here.”

Taking that as her cue, Ravid stepped forwards. In her hands was a small drawstring bag made of blue velvet and embroidered with silver thread. “Your hands please,” she said and Kira did as instructed.

At first, Kira thought Ravid would be placing some kind of pendant or necklace in her open palms. However, the enchantress took Kira’s right hand in hers, slipping a ring around her pinky finger.

“How’s the fit?” Ravid asked, examining Kira’s finger. She tugged on it lightly a few times, but it didn’t budge. It didn’t feel tight either. When Kira told her this, her face broke into a proud smile. “Not bad for flying blind.”

As Ravid drew another ring from the bag and placed it on her other hand, Kira examined the one she already had on. The ring itself was composed of three bands, the outer two featuring a pattern of simple ridges. At its center was a white stone with splotches of blue and green. While it was certainly pretty, Kira couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. She didn’t sense any magic coming from the stone or the ring itself.

That is, until the second ring was firmly in place. It was like putting on noise cancelling headphones. There had been a constant humming from everywhere at once that Kira hadn’t noticed until it was gone. Kira actually stumbled back a step, off-balance in this new, quiet world.

“Are you okay?” Cedric asked, rushing over to place a steadying hand on Kira’s shoulder. The sound of his voice brought Kira back to the present.

Because all Kira could do was nod, Ravid spoke up. “That means the rings should be working.” She turned to Kira and took her hands one at a time, adding, “Inflow, outflow. With these rings on, you should be completely disconnected from every kind of ambient magic, not just telluric currents. I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out a more specific charm. Ritual spells, scrying...they’re all going to be more difficult with these on.”

“That’s fine,” Kira assured her. They had other witches working with them now, so it wasn’t a complete loss. These were only meant to be training wheels anyway. Just until Salazar was healed and she could learn from him once more.

At the thought of Salazar, Kira braced herself for the rush of heat and magic she knew was coming...but it never did. Kira blinked down at her hands, the rings reflecting dimly under the cold basement lights.

“Holy shit,” Kira muttered. She couldn’t help herself. Ravid was damn good at what she did.

And if she didn’t have to worry about emotions distracting her from her shielding spell...Cautiously, Kira tried to let go of the magic she’d wrapped around herself for no less than two days.

It was slow-going at first. Then, a single part of her shield fractured. Kira gasped as all the magic she’d kept woven around herself for the last two days unraveled all at once.

When Kira opened her eyes, she found both Ravid and Cedric staring at her with various levels of concern. She laughed quietly to herself, shaking her head at them. That shield had been made of neutral magic, so she wasn’t sure if either of them could feel when she let go of it. She probably looked a little crazy back there.

Cedric seemed to figure it out first. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Like I was holding a weight for the last few days,” Kira said after a moment’s thought. “And I could finally let go.” She sighed, tension leaving her body. The adrenaline went with it. “Also, exhausted,” Kira added, feeling exactly like she hadn’t slept in three days.

“Well, I think my work here is done,” Ravid beamed.

“Thank you,” Kira told her. “So much. I honestly couldn’t tell you- Thank you. Really.”

Ravid reached out, taking one of Kira’s hands in her own and giving it a good shake. “Of course,” she smiled. Then she turned to Cedric. “I’m headed back to my shop. Don’t be a stranger, alright?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Cedric replied.

“Oh, and about that favor...You’ll be hearing from me in a few weeks if the situation doesn’t resolve itself,” Ravid said and Kira blinked. Wait, what situation? “I’ll call you, alright?” What situation?

Then she leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek. What surprised Kira was that Cedric reciprocated the gesture, his smile matching Ravid’s when they pulled back. A shot of something uncomfortable raced through her stomach. Why didn’t Cedric feel comfortable getting that close to her these days? Not that she necessarily wanted Cedric to kiss her, just-

Kira turned away before she was caught staring. She said a goodbye to Ravid as she headed back up the steps, leaving her and Cedric down below. Alone.

“So, um, do you need me in the shop today?” Kira asked, trying to change the subject her mind seemed so fixated on. “I mean, I might need to borrow your shower if I want to look presentable for customers, but-”

“No,” Cedric cut in. Then, in a less immediate tone, “Go home, Kira. Sleep. You deserve it.” Kira saw him raise a hand that was probably bound for her arm, but it never quite made it there. “Of course, you’re free to use my shower if you’d prefer. And my couch is open if you don’t think you’ll be able to make it to your apartment.”

“It’s not a far walk. I’ll be fine. Thanks for the offer, though,” Kira added quickly when it looked like Cedric would insist. “And I don’t really care what I look like. This is New York. The only people who give a shit about the appearance of other pedestrians are tourists.”

The sigh Cedric gave was one of agreement. “Well, if I can’t convince you to stay…” But Kira was already picking up her binder and the remains of her cellphone. The two of them began to head for the stairs.

“I mean, I can come back tonight if you really need me,” Kira suggested, only half joking.

“We should be alright here,” Cedric turned back to her several stairs ahead to flash her a smile. “Gus is actually coming in later today, after he’s done at Henderson. He was looking for more hours and he wanted a couple pointers about magic so he could help customers better.”

That managed to bring a smile to Kira’s face. There was something exciting about the thought of working side-by-side in the shop with her best friend. “Tell him hi for me,” Kira said. It wasn’t exactly a question, but Cedric nodded back at her anyway.

Once they made it into the lobby of the shop, they both hesitated. Kira was the first to laugh - there was really nothing else to do - and Cedric followed with a chuckle shortly afterwards.

“I don’t really know what to say,” Kira muttered once she’d finished laughing, tone low enough to keep their conversation private from the handful of customers milling around the shop.

Cedric nodded back, looking out over the shop lobby. When he turned back to Kira, it was with an expression she couldn’t say she’d seen on him before. “There are too many things to say,” he said eventually. “Thank you - for everything you’ve done these last few days. The battle, the aftermath; for staying strong the whole time. I- we couldn’t have done it without you. And...I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Kira replied immediately. She wasn’t sure how to accept all the compliments Cedric had just thrown at her, so she focused on the second part of his statement. “None of it was your fault. Besides, I had a lot of time to get through, well, everything when I was down there.”

For a moment, Kira worried Cedric would try to apologize again. The glare she sent him seemed to do the trick. “Well, I should probably let you get back to your place, then,” he decided on.

“Guess so,” Kira replied.

She wondered, briefly, if he would kiss her cheek to send her off the way he had with Ravid. Cedric leaned in part of the way and Kira’s chest warmed, only for him to pat her on the shoulder instead. Right, so they were still doing this, then. If he wasn’t comfortable with it, then Kira sure as hell wasn’t going to instigate.

As he withdrew, something else bubbled to Kira’s lips. “Blessed be.” The words tumbled from her tongue before she could process them, but it just felt right.

If the surprised smile on Cedric’s face was anything to go by, he seemed to think so too. “Blessed be,” he echoed.

It was only halfway back to her apartment that Kira realized there was something she wanted to discuss with Cedric. They both agreed to talk it over once the battle had finished...

Screw it, Kira decided, letting out a huff of frustration. She wasn’t walking all the way back to the shop to hash things out with Cedric now. And she was too tired for the argument that was bound to follow. Whatever - she was going to see him the next day anyway. They could just talk about it then.

By the time Kira made it to her apartment, she’d forgotten all about it. Future arguments, the battle, the thesis-carrying binder she held under her arms. All she could think about was how damn tired she was. Hell, she didn’t even remember half of her walk home.

After undressing and redressing on autopilot, Kira hurriedly crawled under the covers. She was honestly shocked when sleep didn’t claim her the moment her head hit the pillow. Part of her was worried she’d somehow forgotten how to sleep.

But sleep flooded in before she was even aware of it. Was she really dreaming, though? Kira couldn’t be sure. If she was, then she was dreaming of nothing.

Literally, nothing. But, strangely, Kira was aware of herself within it. Inky blackness stretched out in every direction, and somehow she knew that there was nothing else within the darkness. It was peaceful in the nothingness because she was part of it herself. Here, she was nothing. And right now, nothing was a very comforting thing to be.

[friendlyneighborhoodwhateve-blog]

Comma after dearest // A Lin-Manuel Miranda Imagine

Here am I, yet again, a brazilian teenager writing about a man almost twice my age. Anyway, I always dedicate my stuff to my friends but this time I’d like to dedicate this to the writers that inspire me to keep on writing, so thank you: @alexanderhamllton , for being a great writer and one of the brazilian people out there that I (sort of?) look up to. @fragmentofmymind , you are so incredible, I still cant believe you follow me and @lookaroundlookaroundhowlucky , my friend you are incredible beyond words.

My other stuff is here!

Requests are always  open!

Word Count: 4030, like wth????? This is the biggest thing I have ever written???? I am not even sorry though.

Warnings: None???? Maybe a curse word or two?? Some (a lot) inacurracies on his persnal life??? And a cheesy-ass plot?? But I like it very much. Also, please take note that this happens before Lin’s Ham days, other than that, have fun. 

-

The italicized parts are flashbacks.

         Shit.

         Shit. Shit. Shit.

         Lin stared at his phone in exasperation, thinking just what he was going to do about the promise he made to his mother. The text stared up at him accusingly from his cellphone screen. I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend.

         You and Lin had met a few years ago through college, you were a STEM major with an affinity for the arts, it had been like that since high school. The day you met was still fresh in your mind.

           It was a rainy early summer day in the campus, your mind still reeling from the knowledge that you were finally a senior. This time next year you would be wearing a dress and holding your diploma, hopefully with an internship underway. As your feet carried you, your ears prickled with the sound of music coming from a semi open door. With a will of its own, your body entered the auditory.

         In the stage, a scrawny looking guy singed as if his life depended on it. Every note, every riff, every time he opened his mouth made you feel something that had been gone for a long time. There were other people equally as talented on the stage with him, they must be the theater group your brain thought. Suddenly they sang one last note and the stage lights were killed, in an instant reflex your hands clapped, the small bit of their presentation had touched you immensely.

          “Who is there?” A voice called from the now lit stage.

          “Ah, it’s just me.” You stepped in to the part of the theater that was now full of light, your cheeks already burning from the embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to intrude, sorry, it’s just you guys are really talented.”

       Lin was taken aback by your statement; appreciating art was nothing to be sorry for. He was also mesmerized by you, the way your hair was in an extremely messy ponytail, your shirt that had once been carefully tucked into the skirt you wore now slightly askew, the way your bag seemed to be almost bursting at the seams due to the plethora of papers you carried, these little details made his heart feel something new.

          “There is nothing to be sorry for. Art is made to be seen and appreciated”

         Something held your feet in place, maybe it was the fact that the guy was now approaching you; his eyes had a shine to them that made you want to be by his side for eternity.

          “Hi, I’m Lin-Manuel Miranda but Lin is just fine, I don’t think I have ever seen you around?” The sentence ended with a questioning tone, prompting you to answer.

          “I am (Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N) from Biochemistry, I don’t come to this part of campus often.”

          “You should, want to get some coffee?”

          “Why not?”

         He remembered how the mutual love for coffee had brought you both together, and he remembered clear as day the promise you made days later, days that had been spent practically glued to each other’s side because neither of you had ever felt such a strong connection to anyone, when you split for the summer.

         Do not hesitate to call me at any time, Miranda. I mean it, it doesn’t matter what happens. His fingers dialed the number he knew by heart before his brain even processed what was happening.

          “Sir Miranda, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice on this fine evening?” You had been working on the lab for a few hours now, even though you were in charge it was your duty to set a good example, when Lin called.

          “Lady (Y/L/N), I think you might need to sit down for this one”

          “Okay, give me a minute.”  While he nervously ran a hand through his ever growing hair, you wrapped up the cultures you had been working on and went to your office, once you had sat down comfortably, the conversation continued.  “Go on, now.”

          “Imighthavesaidtomymomwearedating.” His words rushed out one after the other, turning into an unintelligible heap.

          “Honey,” the nickname began to be used after you watched Mamma Mia together. “breathe.” You waited until you heard the sound of his exhale before continuing. “Now please try to speak the word separately.”

          “I might have told my mom we are dating.” His voice became smaller as he spoke.

          “Elaborate.” The word sent him into one of his famous rants.

          “So I was texting my mom about thanksgiving and I said you might be tagging along. Wait let me read the texts to you, first I asked “Is it okay if I bring someone” and she responded with “Of course”, now this is where I got very distracted by a dog passing by and forgot to read the next text because I only replied with “(Y/N) and I are looking forward to it.” But I should have read what she said because she asked “Is it finally a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?” and now my entire family probably thinks we are together?”

         His rant was endearing and you didn’t even manage to be mad at him.

          “Well, I love your mom and her food; I am not skipping out on Dona Luz’s famous thanksgiving dinner so… “

          “So I am stuck with you as my girlfriend for a week? Neat.”

         After a bit more of small talk you hanged up. Immediately after you dialed Pippa, Jas, Ari and Renée calling a girl’s night on the following Friday.

          “Why the hell did you suggest it?” Ari seemed to not grasp why you had suggested fake dating Lin for a week.

          “Because that is as close to realty dating him as I probably am going to get.” Pippa nearly spat out her drink, if only you paid attention, you would see how the idea of being in a relationship wasn’t as farfetched to Lin as you seemed to believe.

         Despite being in completely different fields of work, you had been going to Hamilton rehearsals as soon as they began. You were always the first Lin showed his drafts to, so you mingled with his other friends and co-workers a lot, resulting in the beautiful friendship you shared with these women.

         You were close; they knew things even Lin didn’t know. They were the sisters you wish you had growing up instead of the girl who didn’t even acknowledge your existence. Your family relationships weren’t that great, so the Miranda household had taken to “adopt” you during holidays and such.

          “I know you really like him, so we are letting you go with two conditions: the first is you let us pack your bags, God knows you would probably spend the week in pajamas otherwise.” You let out a surprised “what’s wrong with pajamas?” “And the second condition is that you must tell him how you feel.”

          “Why must you do this to me? What if he doesn’t like me the same way? Everything would be so awkward and I…” I can’t lose him.

          “You have known each other for more than five years, I am sure he loves you already.”

         They knew how much Lin meant to you, he was your family, his family was your family, if things didn’t work out you’d be devastated. The girls spent the entire time until the trip soothing your nerves, you had some close calls with anxiety but finally the day of the trip had come. The dress Renée had picked out for you to wear hugged your body nicely, the soft floral print bringing out your skin tone in a nice way.

 From Sir Miranda

To Lady (Y/L/N)

I am here, m’lady.

 To Sir Miranda

From  Lady (Y/L/N)

Come up, your lady awaits.

            “I’m just putting my shoes on then using the bathroom real quick, can you take my bags to the car?”  You yelled into the living room, the sounds of Lin taking your bags distracting you’re a second.

         Breathe. He is your best friend. You have met his family countless times. You went to dinner with his mom and sister without him for Christ’s sake. You will be fine just take it as it goes. Things will work out, have faith. The mental pep talk ends just as you enter the living room.

          “All of your bags are already in the trunk, Kit’s carrier is safely in the backseat and…” His sentence faded out as he took what you were dressing in.

         In all of the years you had known each other, the number of times you wore dresses could be counted in his fingers. One for your grandparents funeral during college, one for graduation, one for the internship interview you had wanted really bad, one for the day you went to pick up the Kit The Cat from adoption, one for his parents wedding anniversary bash a couple of years ago, one for the inauguration of your lab, another one when he asked you to be his Tony date and right now.

         The dress was perfectly appropriated for the weather but the girls had chosen a jacket to go with if necessary.

          “Lady (Y/N), I must say you look incredible this fine morning.” When he didn’t know quite what to say, the man resorted to the joke you had going on for years, ever since you watched a terrible production of Romeo and Juliet at a local high school.

          “Thank you, kind sir.” You spoke confidently despite not feeling the same way. Fake it until you make it.

          “You know I mean it, right?”

          “Of course, Lin.” All jokes aside, you could always count on him to be one hundred per cent truthful. He was the one person you trusted blindly, if it came to it, you’d even trust him with your life.

          “Shall we go then?”

          “Lead the way.”

           His car was the same since college. You begged him to buy a new one every time this old thing ended up needing repairs but he insisted that the car had too many memories in it to be replaced. Somewhere along the road, memories began being  shared to the soft voice of Louis Armstrong playing in the background.

          “Hey, do you remember that time we got drunk during college?”

          “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, darling.” You quipped back to the man behind the wheel.

          “That one time you ended up jumping into the lake during winter, dragged me with you and we both ended up sick for like two weeks.”

          “Ah, yes. That time.” You stroked the fur of your cat softly as the memory played like a movie in your head.

           You had just turned twenty, the second semester of your final year at college had begun four days ago and you and Lin found yourselves incredibly drunk already. It wasn’t the intention, it just happened as you both walked to the most significant spot to your friendship, the park that was a little ways from campus.

         “And then my mom began ranting about how they are ruining our country and I was like “Mom, you ruined our economy.” I can’t believe she acts as if I am the dumbest person in the world, I got a full scholarship in Biochemistry AND Genetics for fuck’s sake.” Today you were an angry drunk.

         “Hey, you are wonderful, intelligent and a lot of other adjectives I can’t remember right now. Maybe you just need to chill a bit.”

         “Yeah, I am going to chill.” Your hazy mind locked on to the almost frozen lake that was void of ducks this time of the year.

         “Good.”

         He had barely any time to register what was happening before you began racing the rest of the way to the water, your linked hands dragging him along. The water was so cold, it felt like little knives against your skin, your breath caught in your throat until air was around you again. Later, after a bit of splashing around, when you were walking back, Lin refused to talk to you. He got really cranky when he was cold.

           “You were so angry.” You were laughing at the memory, the look in your roommates face still made you lose it even after all these years.

         “I still am, we were sick for so long.”  The way his hair face was being illuminated by the sun, the laughter lines around his eyes, his tousled hair weren’t helping you with your feelings. He then looked back to you with joy in his eyes and you nearly lost.

         Then you look back at me and suddenly I’m helpless.

         You knew just how Eliza felt in that moment.

         “Oh, look! My mom is already waiting for us.”

         The older woman hugged you tightly, whispering I’m so happy for you in your ear before talking to her son, Luís soon came out of the house to help Lin with the bags. Luz snatched you upstairs before anyone could even say your name.

         “So, you and my brother? It is real?” You couldn’t bring yourself to lie to her.

         “For this week, yes.”

         “I am not even going to say anything. Just be careful, we all love you not just Lin.” Your heart swelled with the love from the Miranda family, they were everything you had wished for growing up.

         You were in the kitchen, chopping some vegetables for dinner, when a pair of arms wrapped around your waist. Suddenly cutting the carrots into even pieces became a lot harder.

         “Hey there, girlfriend.”

         “Hey.”

         Truth be told, he was even more nervous then you. He couldn’t believe his voice wasn’t wavering as hard as his heart right now. Lin watched the way your hair (that was in a half-up style) fell over your shoulder, leaving your neck slightly exposed. How he wished to just plant a kiss in that spot right now. He wished to find out the way you liked to be kissed, he wanted to find out which spots would elicit a moan out of you, he wanted to wake up by your side every morning. His fantasy was broken when you turned into his arms, face so close to his that your lips were a breath away.

         “So I told your sister about us.”

         “You did?” It would be so easy to kiss you right now. A bit of inclination and your lips would be joined.

         “And if your mother mentions the way you finally asked me out, just go along with it. I might have made up a story about it.”

         “Was it on Central Park?” His low voice sent shivers down your spine.

         “Yes, on that bench we sit for coffee.” He hummed in agreement.

         “Did you kiss me out of happiness?”

         “I could.” Your eyes went quickly to his lips, his did the same thing.

         This was happening, you were finally going to kiss the man you loved, your lips had barely brushed when Luz barged into the kitchen.

         “Oh, I’m sorry but mom requests (Y/N)’s presence in the living room.” You sent a quick glance at Lin’s direction, praying to God he didn’t notice the very strong blush in your cheeks.

         “What was that?” Lin felt like a kid getting scolded under his sister’s stare. “If you hurt her I swear that I will end you, hermano.” He had no doubt of the sincerity in his sister’s words. “Make a move or I will make one for you.”

         He watched as you moved among his family members, fitting seamlessly into the crazy bunch that they were. He fantasized leaning against the wall, a glass of wine in his hand: you would wake up by his side, the both of you lazing about in bed (stealing a kiss or two) until you knew for sure you’d be late, arriving at the house you would be to entranced into each other to be of any help

         As you went around the table, setting the knives and forks down in their places, your eyes sneaked a glance at Lin. He was wearing that beige sweater that made your knees weak (especially when he folded the sleeves up), his face lit up in a smile as he conversed with his father. Your mind went somewhere else entirely as your body continued with the actions: you’d open your eyes sleepily in the morning to see his sleeping form by your side, the both of you staying in bed until your stomachs cried for food then you’d get breakfast in a coffee on the road.

         Both of you were brought back to the present when his mom called him to help with something in the kitchen, when your eyes met; it wasn’t that hard to believe a relationship might happen. You decided to freshen up a bit before dinner, maybe a shower would help calm down the mess you were feeling inside.

           Luz was in the kitchen when something her mom said caught her attention.

         “Yes, Camila is coming as well. She was in town and I thought why not?” The siblings met eyes, if the girl was here then the dinner would be anything but pleasant. Somehow, along the time you had known Lin, one of their cousins caught an instant dislike towards you that no one could explain. With a subtle nod from her brother, the woman discreetly went upstairs to warn you.

         No one could do a thing about the unexplained hatred the girl felt because in public she was a completely sweet girl, making veiled threats and taking jabs at you.

         “I am not coming down, Luz. I love your mom but I am not dealing with her on top of everything else.” Your anxiety went through the roof, breath coming out in short puffs. As your hands started to tingle, you counted on your friend to pull you out of the attack before it became too much.

         “Hey, hey.” At once, it wasn’t her in front of you anymore; it was Lin’s gentle face. He had a small smile on his lips as he tried to calm you down. “Tell me five things you can see.”

         “I can see Luz, I can see my suitcase, I can see Kit, I can see my blue flats and I can see the bathroom mirror.” He had some experience with helping you with anxiety crises, they usually happened after a phone call with either your mom or your sister.

         “Now, four things you can touch.” The technique to calm down, despite being slightly overused, worked wonders every time.

         “I can touch the bed’s covers, Kit’s fur, my cardigan and your hands.” His hands were in your lap, holding yours reassuringly.

         “Three things you can hear.”

         “Your voice.” I love it so much. “The tap leaking in the bathroom and your mom yelling downstairs.” You both laughed a little at the loud rambling in Spanish, the sauce had probably been left unattended to and burned.

         “Almost there, two things you can smell.”

         “The scent of my shampoo.” You used the same shampoo since college, the slightly lavender scent never failed to entice Lin. “and you cologne.” His cologne had the same effect on you that your shampoo had on him, both of you usually ended up with jelly legs after a hug.

         “One thing you can taste.”

         “Toothpaste.”

         “Now, take a deep breath. She is not going to get anywhere near you tonight, I promise.”

         Somehow, you both ended up sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, with Kit in his lap. Luz had disappeared downstairs to distract everyone but right now she had just entered the room again.

         “Dinner’s ready and unfortunately Camila is here as well.”

         At the table, you sat between the Miranda siblings, Lin’s hand holding yours under the table. You thought you’d be nervous but his hand brought a sense of calmness over your soul, as cliché as it was, your hands really did fit into each other like puzzle pieces.

         “How is your mom doing?” Camila asked over her wine glass, fully knowing how the topic made you very uncomfortable.

         “Probably fine, probably dead, either way, I don’t care.” Luz choked on her drink while Lin squeezed your hand. Everyone knew better than to talk about your family.

         A while passed before she tried to get a rise out of you again, during that time you talked quietly to Lin about literally anything, that is, you talked when your mouth wasn’t filled with the delicious food Dona Luz had made, how could you had  thought of staying up in your room?

         “And your sister got married last month, no?” She just wouldn’t quit. Your sister’s wedding was even more sensitive than your mom, the wound still raw. When you were both young, you’d stay up late countless night planning your weddings, which dresses, what food but most of all, how’d you walk each other down the aisle since your father was out of the picture. That was something you didn’t have to take.

         “Excuse me.” You folded the napkin from your lad and placed it on the table while standing up. “The food was very lovely but I have to go somewhere now.” Lies. You had nowhere to go but anywhere was better than being forced to remember so many broken promises. Lin grew angry at his cousin as he watched you leave; Luz was already lecturing the girl while he went after you.

         In your haste, getting a coat was the last thing in your mind but it definitely should have been the first. Your bitterness at the situation increased as rain began falling lightly from the sky.

         “(Y/N), wait.” Lin was chasing after you, catching up easily due to his much longer legs.

         “Why? So I have to go back there? With them? I no it’s not only her, Lin. Except for you and maybe Luz, no one wants me there.” It was your sadness talking but deep down you had always felt that way. Unloved. Unwanted.

         “That is not true and you know it. My mom loves you as much as, if not more, than me.”

         “She pity’s me and so do you, the poor girl whose father died. Poor little thing, the mom blames her and pushes her away; the sister doesn’t even acknowledge her existence. I already have these feeling with my family, I don’t need more of it.”

         You were beginning to freeze, your thin sleeved dress and ballerina flats didn’t do much to fend off the weather. Lin, on the other hand, thought you had never looked more beautiful, the moon shining on your wet hair, the rain cling to your eyelashes. He stood a foot or so away from you, not believing you still felt this way, he knew words would do nothing to reassure you so he gently placed his hands on either side of you face, staring deeply in your eyes.

         “I don’t pity you, I love you.” He heard your sharp intake of breath, nevertheless he continued to talk, those were things he’d wanted to say for a while now. “I have loved you ever since the day you stepped in that theater, wearing those pajama pants. I know they were pajamas, shut up; I’m trying to be romantic here. The point is that I love and if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you of it, I will.”

         You had no idea of what to do; you had just heard the man you loved telling the tree words you had wanted to hear for so long. Thankfully your body acted on instinc, standing up on the tips of your toes to press your lips lightly against his.

         “So, that means you love me too?” His goofy grin was even more endearing now that it was yours.

         “Yes, you dummy. I love you too.”

         This time it was him who pulled you into the kiss, a kiss much more passionate that the last one, one that reassured you, one that made you feel loved.

         “Please feel free to kiss me like that whenever you want.”

[secretschuylersister]

Had to Give You Away: Part 2A (Lin/Reader)

Summary:  Lin was the foundation on which you built your life, until he wasn’t anymore and never was again.

You can find the first part here. You can find Part 2B here.

Note: This is the sad timeline, y’all. Many thanks to @thatoneimaginesblog for putting up with my drafts.

Word Count: 4718

You were hurrying out the door when your phone started vibrating. Your daughter's name flashed across the screen and you hastily answered.

 "Mom, please tell me you haven't left the city yet," she all but shouted.

 "We're just leaving the apartment now, Lorena. What's going on?"

 "Oh, thank God. I forgot my shoes at my place and I need you to get them. I tried calling dad, but he was already on his way. I know you don't love going there, but-"

 "Kid, don't worry about it. I'll grab the shoes and be there before you know it," you promised.

 "Thank you so much! I love you!"

 Lorena hung up the phone before you could return the sentiment, which made you laugh in exasperation. She had all of her father's boundless energy and none of his patience.  

 Truth be told, Lorena was right. You really didn't love going to her apartment. Lin had given her the first apartment that the two of you ever owned together as a college graduation present three years ago, and she had been living there ever since. You could count on your fingers the amount of times you'd been over to the building in the last few years. It was filled with so many memories that it may as well have been haunted.

 But this wasn't about you. Your daughter was getting married this weekend, and she needed her shoes. The thought stopped you right in your tracks: your daughter was getting married this weekend.

 You shook your head as you remembered how afraid you were when you found out you were pregnant all those years ago. You so wished you could go back in time and tell yourself how far you'd come, how beautiful your daughter would be, how the long road ahead was worth every step.

 It had been a little over a month since you told your husband you wanted a divorce. Well, “wanted” wasn't the right word. “Needed” was perhaps closer. Either way, the papers were filed and it was going ahead.

 With the exception of a few broken-hearted voicemails, you hadn't heard from Lin since he returned to London a few weeks earlier. You missed him so much that it made you dizzy.

 So you were miserable, and one late period and five pregnancy tests later, you were also terrified. Sleeping with Lin that night had been a bad idea for many reasons, but this felt like the universe was kicking you in the teeth. You had spent years trying and desperately wishing for a baby, so of course it finally happened for you after one sad night while your marriage shattered at your feet. You had a tiny person growing inside you, and you'd somehow never felt more alone.

 You were in the middle of another pity party when there was a banging on your door. It was your sister-in-law, Luz, and she was pissed.

 The anger in her eyes turned to concern as she looked at you, and her shoulders slumped.

 “You look too pathetic to yell at,” she huffed, walking into the apartment without waiting for an invitation. “What are you doing? This is killing the both of you. Lin is…he's really not coping.”

 All of the exhaustion and heartache of the last year hit you like a truck, and to both your own and Luz’s horror, you burst into sobs.

 Luz sat you down and brought you a glass of water, but you were still too hysterical to drink it. She looked guilty and you tried to assure her that it really wasn't anything she said. Instead what came out was “I’m pregnant.”

 Your sister-in-law went white as a sheet and started drinking the water she brought in for you.

 She sunk next to you on the couch and asked, “It is Lin’s, right?”

 “Oh, fuck you. Of course it is.”

 She held up her hands in apology. “I'm sorry, I know. It's just, God, the timing. Does he know?”

 You shook your head, your eyes filling up with tears again. “No. I just wanted this divorce to be as painless as possible. How can I do that now?”

 “Painless isn't an option, hun,” she said, her voice kinder than you felt you deserved. “But he has to know. He's coming home for a few days next week. I can be there when you tell him if you need some support.”

 “It's tempting, but I can do it. I'll send him an email and ask him to come by when he gets into New York,” you promised after a moment's hesitation. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you'd offer, considering…well, everything.”

 She leaned forward and squeezed your knee. “We’re still family. Now more than ever,” she smiled and motioned to your abdomen.

 You laughed and placed a hand on your still-flat belly, feeling a glimmer of excitement for the first time.

The week between Luz’s visit and Lin’s arrival passed in the blink of an eye. You kept trying to convince yourself that you had nothing to be afraid of, that Lin was still Lin, but you were sick to your stomach anyway. Some of that might have been the pregnancy, but most of it was the dread. You had to drop another bomb on Lin, and you didn't know how you were going to do it.

You instinctively reached to spin your wedding band out of nerves when you heard Lin’s key in the door, forgetting momentarily that the ring was no longer there. The shock you felt was almost funny, considering it was you who took it off hours before. You laced your fingers together instead, and put on a smile when Lin walked through the door.

 “Hi,” he said. “I hope it's okay that I didn't knock.”

 “Of course you don't have to knock. You live here.”

 Or, at least, he used to.

 The two of you shared an awkward dinner, and you tried to tell him about the baby a hundred times. Every time you looked at him and noticed how thin he had gotten or how the circles under his eyes looked more like bruises, the words got caught in your throat. You wanted to take care of him without giving him false hope. The truth was that you didn't know how to stop being his wife.

 More than once he started to ask you to call this off, but swallowed the words. It was only as he was saying goodbye that he let himself try one last time.

 “You really won't reconsider? This is what we’ll be like from now on?”

 “I hope it won't be like this forever, but no. I…I can't reconsider.”

 He nodded and looked past you. “I'm only in town for a few days. If it's okay with you, I'll come by tomorrow and put my things into storage.”

 “You don't have to get all of that done right now, Lin. I'm not kicking you out of your home.”

 His eyes snapped to yours. “Aren't you?”

 It was clear he didn't mean the apartment. You dug your nails into your palms to keep the tears at bay.

 “Do you need any help tomorrow?” you offered, trying to move past the loaded question.

 Lin said he could handle it, and you decided to be gone when he came to pack. Before leaving the apartment the next morning, you grabbed one of his old t-shirts and shoved it into your bag. You still needed that much.

 When you got home that night, the apartment was cleared of nearly all of Lin's belongings. You changed into his shirt after your shower and sat down on your bed, your chest aching at the lack of his things cluttering your bedroom. Your eyes drifted across the room and you noticed something out of place. Your tray of perfume bottles had been shoved to the wrong side of your vanity. You got up to slide it back into its place and noticed that a bottle was missing: the one you bought in Puerto Rico on the day before your wedding. You only ever wore it on your anniversaries. You glanced down at the shirt you were wearing and realized Lin must have had the same thought that you did. Neither one of you was ready to lose the other, not completely.

 The guilt was overwhelming, and you knew it was only going to get worse. Your hand absentmindedly rested on your stomach, and you knew what you had to do.

 Lin answered his phone on the first ring.

 "Hello?"

 "Lin, I need to tell you something. I'm pregnant."

 Your phone rang for the second time that morning just as your car pulled in front of your old building. You saw that it was Lin, and unlocked your screen as you jogged inside.

 “Hey, Lin. What's up?”

 “I just wanted to see if you were able to go and get the stuff Lorena forgot. She's pissed that the one day I left on time was the day she needed me to be running late,” he laughed.

 Walking into the apartment that now belonged to your daughter, you couldn't help but smile at how every inch of this place screamed Lorena.

 “Luckily for her, I'm late as ever,” you replied. “I'm just stepping into her place now. It certainly looks different these days.”

 “Are the walls still electric blue?” he asked, and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

 “Tangerine.”

 “Oof. Well, I'll let you do what you have to do. See you tonight at the rehearsal?”

 “Yup. I'll see you then.”

 You hung up the phone and rubbed your throat. This would be your first time seeing Lin in quite awhile and you were a little embarrassed at how anxious you felt. The excited flutter in your stomach that he always caused when you were married never quite went away, but instead reinvented itself in the form of jittery hands and nervous glances that you prayed nobody picked up on.

 You walked into the bedroom and found the shoebox sitting on Lorena's bed. You grabbed it and allowed yourself a moment to look around and remember when you shared that room with Lin.

 Being here didn't hurt the way it used to, and you were suddenly glad Lin had decided to keep the apartment way back when.

 It was amazing what money and a few good lawyers could do. Just three months after Lin returned to London, all there was left to do was divvy up your assets and sign a few papers. A few scratches of a pen and the book on your marriage to Lin would close forever.

 You hadn't expected to hear from him until the time came to sign the finalized papers, so you were caught off guard when your phone rang and you saw his name.

 "Hey, it's me," he said, sounding nervous. The two of you had been each other's home base once, and hearing him sound afraid to talk to you made something ugly twist inside your chest. "I'm in the city, and I wanted to ask you to meet with me before I have to leave again."

 "We're going to be meeting with the lawyers-"

 "No," he interjected. "Just us. I don't want to turn into people who can only see each other with a mediator."

 You knew it was a mistake, but how could you say no to him when he was asking for something so small?

 "Okay. We can meet."

 After the brutally uncomfortable dinner at the apartment last time, you arranged to meet him at a quiet coffee shop not far from your building instead.

 You were already waiting at a table with two coffees when Lin walked in. You waved him over and made a few minutes of stilted small talk before he got into the real reason you were there.

 "I just wanted us to work this out without strangers involved. I want to split everything we have 50/50, and I want you to keep the apartment. I'll keep our old place."

 "Lin, the apartment we have now is worth three times the amount of our old one and I wouldn't want to live there without...well, I just don't plan on staying. We'll sell both places."

 "I don't care about the money. I don't plan on selling the apartment."

 You were taken aback by his statement.

 "Lin, I really don't think staying in our old place is going to be good for you," you said gently. "It wouldn't be for me, either."

 "I'm not going to live there, I'm just not prepared to let it go. So you keep the place you're in now. Live there or sell it or do whatever you think is best," he said and then paused. "This is weird, but we should talk about your alimony, too."

 "Lin, I'm not asking for alimony. Jesus. I don't need it and I don't want it."

 He audibly exhaled and roughly ran a hand through his hair. "I planned on taking care of you for the rest of our lives, so please, let me do at least this much. You're carrying our child, for God's sake."

 "I am, and I'm confident you'll be there every step of the way to help take care of her. I'm not asking for any more than that. And while we're on the subject, I'm not looking for a 50/50 split. You've brought in way more of that money than I have. We've given our paperwork to the lawyers and accountants. They'll work something out, that's their job."

 The sadness and fatigue in his eyes were replaced with frustration.

 "None of that money would even be there if it wasn't for you. Do you not remember all the years you spent working crappy jobs so I could write and build my career? Half of everything we have is yours."

 "I didn't do all that for some payday later on, Lin."

 "I know you didn't!" he exclaimed, looking almost offended. "You did it because you loved me and supported me. That's why I want to make sure I'm supporting you now."

 "I just...I don't think you should be making huge financial decisions when you're still feeling emotional."

 He looked at you like you had grown a second head.

 "Believe it or not, I'm always going to feel pretty 'emotional' about the person I love leaving me when I know she still loves me, too."

 You felt like you had just taken a punch.

 "We should just do this through the lawyers, Lin," you said, your eyes fixed on the coffee cup in front of you.

 "I can't believe we're actually doing this." It sounded like he was talking to himself as much as you.

 "I know."

 Both of your coffees were untouched and had gone cold, and neither of you seemed to have any more to say. As you stood up to leave, Lin froze for a moment and you suddenly realized this was the first time he had seen you since you started showing. His gaze was focused on the small bump and you saw his fingers twitch. You suddenly couldn't stand the distance anymore and guided his hand to your stomach. His eyes shot to yours and you smiled at him.

 "Crazy, right? A human lives there now," you joked, and it was the most normal you'd felt in months. "Are you going to be in town for a few days? I have an ultrasound at the end of the week, and I'd really like you to be there."

 "Absolutely, I'll be there. When, where, and what time?"

 You gave him the details and went your separate ways, still feeling unnerved by all the money talk but excited for the upcoming doctor's visit. Unbeknownst to you, Lin went back to his hotel and immediately cancelled his flight back to London. He wasn't missing that appointment.

 You saw Lin pacing outside of your doctor’s building that Friday, and laughed a little at how uneasy he looked. You tapped his shoulder and he jumped before whirling around to face you.

 “Ready to head inside?” you asked with a raised brow.

 He laughed at his own nervous reaction and opened the door for you. The two of you passed the time by talking about the baby until you were called in by a nurse.

 You spoke with both the nurse and the doctor about how you were progressing, Lin shooting you concerned glances when you spoke about how bad the morning sickness still was. After determining there wasn't anything unusual about your symptoms, the fun part began.

 Lin grabbed your hand as the screen of the ultrasound machine lit up and he got his first glimpse of your baby. He was completely enraptured as measurements were taken and the baby was given a clean bill of health.

 “So, would mom and dad like to find out the sex of the baby today?” asked the ultrasound technician with a smile.

 “I already know she's a girl,” you asserted, waving off the question.

 Lin’s mouth curved into an amused grin and he said, “But confirmation would be nice.”

 “Well, those motherly instincts are spot on. The two of you are having a little girl.”

 Lin's grip on your hand tightened and he leaned in to kiss you before abruptly pulling back, remembering that things were different now.

 You tried not to let it sour the experience and let him escort you home, the two of you talking about the appointment the entire way.

 You dreamed about your daughter that night, the first dream about a baby with Lin’s eyes that you'd had in years. You grabbed your phone and called Lin immediately, not pausing to consider that it was the middle of the night.

 “Hello? Are you okay? Is it the baby?” he asked, half frantic and half groggy.

 “Oh! No, we’re both fine. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was so late,” you apologized. “It's just that, well, I had one of my dreams and I think I know her name. Lorena.”

 “Lorena,” he repeated softly. “I like that.”

 You could picture him in his bed, nodding and smiling, still sleepy-eyed. You missed him.

 “Me too,” you agreed. “I'm sorry for waking you.”

 “You can call me at any time for any reason. Always.”

 The next morning you woke to an email from Lin. The subject line was “Lorena Grace” and an audio file of an original lullaby was attached.

 Neither of you considered another name from that moment forward.

 "Did you find her shoes, love?"

 Your husband Jeremy's voice startled you and you walked out of the bedroom to see him standing in the doorway of the apartment.

 "Yup, I've got them," you smiled and held up the box as proof.

 Something about seeing Jeremy in this apartment made you feel uncomfortable. You quickly ushered him out and back to the car, saying that you didn't want to be too late.

 You looked at the man driving the car and smiled to yourself. You really did love him and you knew you were lucky to have found such a good person to share your life with, but that apartment was part of a history that Jeremy didn't belong to. Things worked out in the end, but there was still a pang of sadness at the realization that your life was so clearly split into "before" and "after."

 "Mama!"

 You caught Lorena in your arms as she stampeded into your apartment with a grinning Lin trailing behind her.

 He handed you her backpack and the three of you talked about her day at school for a few minutes before Lin gave her a kiss and headed out.

 Five years in, your co-parenting relationship with Lin couldn't be better. You had shared custody, but you were in a good enough place that both of you saw Lorena nearly every day. When Lin had to travel for work, you made sure they Skyped or FaceTimed nightly. It was really working, and you were proud of the family you had built for Lorena.

 After making a quick dinner, you brought your daughter to your parents' house where she was spending the night with a few of her cousins. It would be the first Friday night you had to yourself in months, and you were looking forward to grabbing a drink with a few friends.

 You were walking down the street later that night with two of your best friends from college when it finally happened. You knew that it was only a matter of time, but you managed to find yourself caught completely off guard anyway.

 There was Lin, and he was holding hands with another woman.

 It had been five years since the divorce. It's not like you expected him to stay single forever and it certainly wasn't like he was cheating on you. You had no right to feel as heartbroken by the sight as you did.

 Your friends followed your gaze and wrapped their arms around you, keeping you walking until you reached the bar. You really weren't in the mood to be out anymore, but they'd never let you leave now.

 After you had a few drinks in your system, you found yourself agreeing to finally meet the man they'd been trying to convince you to see for months. Jeremy, you thought his name was.

 That one date with Jeremy led to another and another. You hadn't introduced him to Lorena yet, but the relationship was becoming serious and you thought it was time. When Lin dropped her off at your house one Tuesday afternoon, you brought it up.

 "Hey, do you have a minute?"

 He nodded and raised a brow, his way of asking "what's up?"

 "I've been seeing someone, and I'd like you to meet him."

 His eyebrows furrowed and he started to speak but your nerves got the best of you and you cut him off.

 "I won't introduce anyone to Lorena until you meet them. And I'd like you to meet Jeremy."

 Lin winced a little when he heard Jeremy's name for the first time, but he gave you a closed mouth smile and nodded.

 "Maybe we can all get lunch? I've actually been seeing someone, too."

 You almost said "I know" but bit back the words.

 Lin met Jeremy and you met Marissa. She was pretty and funny and you wanted to dislike her, but you couldn't. You wanted Lin to be happy. That was at the center of every decision you had made from the day you fell in love with him. So here the two of you were, trying to find happiness with other people.

 It was almost a year to the day after that lunch that you received Lin and Marissa's wedding invitation in the mail.

 You booked yourself a weekend away and sent your regrets.

 Lorena ran out to meet your car as you arrived at the hotel, and she was pulling open your door before it came to a complete stop.

 "Lorena, knock it off," you yelled through your laughter as she threw herself at you in a hug.

 Jeremy greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the forehead before carrying your bags up to your room. Meanwhile, you were dragged away by Lorena and the two of you were inseparable for the rest of the afternoon. You lost yourself in last minute preparations, not having a minute to yourself until after the rehearsal that evening.

 "Well, if it isn't the mother of the bride."

 You turned when you heard Lin's voice and an easy smile spread across your face, all apprehension temporarily forgotten in the joy of the day.

 "Ready for tomorrow?" you asked him.

 "Not even a little bit."

 The two of you spent a few minutes retelling some of your favorite childhood Lorena stories until Jeremy wandered over and let you know that everyone was heading over to the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. The evening was spent at your husband's side, enjoying being surrounded by so much family and watching your daughter glow with happiness.

 You woke up early the next morning and left for the estate where the wedding was taking place. Jeremy would follow later in the day, but you were taking it upon yourself to oversee that morning's arrangements so Lorena wouldn't have to.

 When you felt certain that things were under control, you made your way to Lorena's suite. She was awake and gazing at the wedding gown that was hanging up across the room. You smiled at the sight.

 "Morning, kid," you said as you walked into the room and moved over to where she was standing. You wrapped your arms around her and she leaned into you like she used to when she was a little girl.

 You kissed the top of her head and pulled back.

 "I've got something for you," you told her and reached into your bag.

 You handed her a small box and saw her eyes fill up with tears as she opened it.

 "This is the necklace dad gave you before I was born. You should keep this," she said, shaking her head.

 You ignored her protests and gently fastened the locket around her neck.

 "That locket is a symbol of how much your father and I loved each other and all the beautiful things that came from it. It belongs to you now."

 You saw something from the corner of your eye and turned your head to the door where you found Lin watching the two of you, his expression tender and a little sad.

 Lorena gave her dad a hug and you watched them from across the room, your heart feeling incredibly full.

 "You look absolutely gorgeous, Lorrie."

 "Dad, I'm not even in my dress yet," she responded, rolling her eyes but grinning all the same.

 "You've never needed a dress to look gorgeous. You take after your mom in that respect," he said, tugging on a lock of her hair. "I'll leave you guys to get ready. I just wanted to see my girl before I had to give her away."

 The rest of the day flew by in a blur of emotion. It wasn't until you saw Lin walking Lorena down the aisle that everything came into sharp focus. He kissed her hand and took his seat next to you while Lorena and her fiancé began to exchange their vows.

 You hadn't even noticed your hand was clutching Lin's until you began to clap after the couple's first kiss. You glanced at Marissa on Lin's left and at Jeremy on your right. You hoped nobody else noticed, either, and let Jeremy lead you into the reception hall.

 You were enjoying the beautiful night and grabbing a glass of champagne when you felt a tap on your shoulder from Lin.

 "Can I steal a dance?"

 You almost turned him down, but you saw your daughter watching you hopefully from across the room and you knew how much it would mean to her.

 "Of course you can."

 He led you to the dance floor and took one of your hands in his, the other resting on his shoulder. The two of you smiled as Lorena's husband twirled her in time to the music.

 "God, she's beautiful, isn't she?" he asked.

 "The best thing we ever did."

 His arm around your waist held you a little more snugly, and he looked you in the eye.

 "Do you ever think that we got it all wrong?"

 "That's not a fair question," you replied quietly, your stomach churning.

 "Maybe not, but that wasn't an answer."

 "No. I guess it wasn't."

 He didn't press you any further and you finished the dance in silence. He was slow to release you, one of his thumbs rubbing circles on your hand.

 As you started to walk away, you nodded in Lorena's direction and said, "Hey, Lin? We didn't get all of it wrong."

 He gave you a small smile and a nod, and you left to find Jeremy in the crowd. You were almost out of earshot when you heard it.

 "Not all of it," Lin said under his breath. "Just most of it."

[shadow-wasser]

WIP Fic Whenever: Atlamorphs 2

WIP Fic Friday Whenever is a place where I will put a ‘quick and dirty’ first draft of either a short story or a chapter from a longer story. This will hopefully encourage me to improve my writing output. An Animorphs/Avatar: the Last Airbender Crossover. Yes it’s strange.

This is Fun

Water. Earth. Fire. Air.

Long ago, the Four Nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them. But, when the world needed him most, he vanished.

A hundred years passed and my brother and I found the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang. And since then, we’ve been traveling the world, learning and training.

Then, not so long ago, a strange being from another world came to us and gave us a gift, and a warning. The gift was the ability to morph, to change into any animal we touch, and the warning was that a race of evil creatures, the Yeerks, were attacking our world, and they wanted slaves. Us.

It was a strange idea, and the whole thing felt dreamlike, unreal. I had just been told that not only do I have to worry about the Fire Nation and Prince Zuko and Sozen’s comet, but also Yeerks and morphing and Visser Three. It was too much. I desperately wanted it all to be a dream, and when I woke up the next morning, much later than I normally did, I managed to convince my bleary self that it was.

Then I opened my eyes, sat up, and saw two Momos.

The two lemurs were play fighting, tumbling around on the ground and squealing loudly. They would stop and groom each other, then go back to wrestling, making quite a racket. They were probably what woke me up.

I swallowed the pit of dread that was building in the back of my throat, and forced a smile. “Hey, Momo,” I called in a cajoling voice. “Did you find a friend?”

(Katara! You’re awake!)

The pit of dread expanded inside of me, and it became hard to breathe.

One of the lemurs broke away from the other and scampered up to my sleeping bag, looking up with big green eyes. (Can you understand me?)

“Aang-“ I managed. And then: “Oh, spirits,” and: “It’s real.”

(Yeah,) came Aang’s voice from inside my head. (I guess it is.)

I covered my face with my hands and shook my head in near-despair. “You’re a lemur. How did you even…”

(I just… pet him.) The Aang-lemur scratched his ear thoughtfully. (And I thought about becoming Momo, about what it would be like to be him. And then, I did. I became him. Hey, can I groom you?)

“You… what? I… I suppose you-”

Aang-lemur scrambled up to my shoulder and began picking interestedly through my hair. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I was talking to a lemur. To Momo, for all intents and purposes. Except it was Aang too.

(It’s weird,) said Aang-lemur after a second. (I’m me. I know I’m me. But I’m also Momo. I keep getting Momo-y thoughts, like wanting to eat a bug, or be groomed.) He made a ‘chrrrrrrr’ sound.

Then I remembered something. “Aang!” I gasped. “How long has it been?”

(Oh, you mean the two-hour thing? It hasn’t been that long. I think it’s only been…) Aang-lemur tilted his head to look up at the sun. (Less than an hour.)

“Aang… I think you should change back. We need to figure out what to do.”

(Huh? Oh, okay. But first, check this out!)

Aang-lemur jumped from my shoulder, just like Momo so often did, and spread his wings. He flew in a loop, his laughter echoing in my head. (I can fly, Katara! No glider!)

He landed right next to the real Momo, who leapt out of the way. (It’s so fun, Katara. You’ve got to try it.)

“What? Me?”

(Yeah. Elfangor gave the power to all of us. If I can do it, you can too.)

Then, as I got to my feet, he began to change back.

He sprouted upward, growing from Momo-sized to Aang-sized in a few seconds. The real Momo ran away squealing as Aang’s tail vanished into his back, making a disgusting shloop sound. His wings shrank into his arms, his ears shrank into his head and rounded, and his eyes went from green to gray. His face flattened, and a nose grew out. He was looking more like Aang, only covered in fur. He smiled. “Hey, Katara.”

“Aang!” I shouted, and covered my eyes. “You’re naked!”

“I- whoa! I am!”

“Well, put some clothes on!”

I heard the sound of Aang rustling through this bag, and then, “You can open your eyes now.”

I opened my eyes, and saw Aang, wearing his usual yellow tunic. He was beaming.

“Wow, Katara, I can’t even tell you how cool flying is! And now you’ll be able to fly too! And Sokka! Gee, I wonder what it’s like to be Appa? I should try him next…”

“Hey, guys, I’m trying to sleep here!”

We both turned to look at Sokka, who stuck one irritated eye out of his sleeping bag. “Could you keep it down?”

“Sokka, get out of bed!” I shouted. Maybe my voice was a bit shrill, but this was huge! “This is kind of important!”

Sokka grumbled and sat up so slowly I could have sworn he was doing it on purpose. “What?”

“We need to talk.”

“I can turn into Momo, Sokka!” chirped Aang happily.

“Wait, you did what with Momo?”

And before I could say anything else, Aang had sprouted Momo ears.

“Yow!” screamed Sokka, and leapt out of bed. “Aang!”

Aang paused in his transformation, looking at Sokka with green eyes. “Oh, this is cool,” he noted. “I can stop halfway.”

“Oh, man,” said Sokka, looking at Aang with horror. “Oh man.”

“It’s okay, Sokka,” I said, feeling rather disconnected from the proceedings and barely understanding my own words, which sounded hollow and distant even to me. “He’s just morphing Momo.”

Aang grinned, then reversed the transformation, ears shrinking.

“I was really…” started Sokka, and he gulped. “I was really, really hoping that it was just a dream.”

“Me, too,” I admitted.

“Sokka, you were there. Elfangor gave the power to us.” Aang looked up at Sokka, frowning. “Don’t you remember?”

“Look, Aang, maybe you get weird powers from freaky spirit-ish things all the time. Maybe this happens to you every day. But please, please, take a moment to think how that must have looked to normal people. You know, like me.”

“Yeah, I guess it was pretty weird.”

“Pretty weird?!” echoed Sokka, a look of incredulity on his face.

“Yeah. And it feels weird, too. Like it should hurt, but it doesn’t. You should try it!”

“Aang, before we do that, we need to talk,” I interrupted. “About what happened.”

“Okay, talk.”

“So,” said Sokka, with a long sigh. “What happened last night was real.”

“Of course it was real!” objected Aang.

“And somehow,” continued Sokka, not looking at the Avatar. “Some weird… spirity… thing gave you the power to change into animals.”

“Not just me,” corrected Aang. “You, too. All of us.”

“Which is fine by me,” Sokka went on gamely. “Because any new power we can use against the Fire Nation is a good thing. It’s still really messed up though, and I don’t ever want to look at it again.”

“But Sokka, he gave us the power so we can fight the Yeerks!”

This time, Sokka seemed to hear. “Right,” he said. “Yeerks.” Suddenly, my brother looked very tired. “Look, Aang, I know you’ll want to get involved with this, but don’t you think we have enough to worry about? Fire Lord first, then Brain Slugs, okay?”

Aang shook his head. “We may not have that kind of time.”

“So what, you think we should fight two wars at once? One of which is against monsters that possess people? What kind of bending could help with that? Sokka shook his head. “It’s not our fight, and we shouldn’t get involved.”

Aang looked at me. “Katara, what do you think?”

I bit my lip. “Sokka, Aang is right. Elfangor said these Yeerks are attacking our world right now. Who knows what they could do?”

“They enslave you,” said Aang, looking haunted. “They crawl into your head and make you do whatever they want. Elfangor showed me.”

“That sounds pretty important, Sokka. I think we should fight them.”

Sokka shook his head. “Aang, you can fight the spirit monsters if you want. But I think it would just end up getting us killed.”

“But we’re all in this together. Right, Sokka? I mean, you can’t just…” Aang looked back at me desperately.

“Sokka, this is important! This is the fate of the world!” I cried. “We’re the only ones who know about this. If we don’t fight them, we could all be possessed! By Yeerks!”

Sokka groaned, and lowered his face into his hands. “This is crazy,” he said. “You’re both crazy.”

“It may be crazy,” said Aang. “But our world is being attacked. It’s something we have to do. Something I have to do.”

Then he grinned. “So, who wants to find out what it’s like to be Momo?”

------------------------------

“You’re crazy,” said Sokka. “I’m stuck here with two crazy people." He looked like he wanted to throw his hands into the air. I was a bit surprised he didn’t.

I had to admit, sitting there with Momo on my lap, that it seemed pretty unbelievable. If I hadn’t seen what I saw last night, and if I hadn’t seen Aang morph, I would have been right with Sokka. But I did see it. I couldn’t ignore it.

“You just concentrate. Just think about becoming Momo. Picture him in your mind.” Aang leaned forward earnestly. “It’s so fun, guys.”

“This is crazy.”

“I heard you before, Sokka.”

Momo was being very quiet, just sitting there calmly while Sokka and I pet him. I felt ridiculous.

“I think you can let Momo go now.”

Momo sat still for a few moments even after I drew my hand away, but then leapt up with a chitter and ran over to Appa.

“Now,” Aang instructed. “Think about Momo again. About being him. Concentrate.”

I did, and I didn’t feel anything. “It’s not working,” I said, feeling oddly relieved.

That’s when my tail sprouted.

“Ah!”

“Katara!” cried Sokka. “Are you alright?”

It didn’t hurt, not exactly. But, like Aang said, it felt like it should hurt. I was so shocked by the sensation of my backside growing a tail that I stopped concentrating, and it stopped sprouting. The tail was long, and hairless, like an elephant-rat’s. It didn’t look like Momo’s at all.

I swallowed. “I’m okay,” I said. “Just surprised, that‘s all.” My tail twitched. I could feel it. “This is seriously weird.”

Sokka grimaced. “I told you it was crazy. Why did I even agree to this? We should stop now.”

I looked at my brother. Black fur was growing from his face. I almost laughed at the sheer weirdness of it.

“Sokka, it’s okay,” I said. “I’m alright.” I looked at Aang, who nodded encouragement. I went back to thinking about Momo.

A prickling sensation swept over my skin, including the skin of my new tail, as black and white fur sprouted. I heard a creaking sound as two of my fingers twisted and grew longer and longer, stretching skin between them. It was horrible to look at, yet fascinating. I couldn’t believe that those long, spindly things were my own fingers.

“Eeei wrrr.” I said, which didn’t make much sense since my face was pushing out into a muzzle.

The world expanded around me, and then I was having trouble seeing, with huge blue sheets getting in my way. It was my clothes.

Then, I felt… different. It wasn’t a big change. A new awareness entered into my mind. It was keen, and curious, and interested. It wanted to see things, and why was I under all these sheets?

I pushed the sheets away with a white-furred hand, extracting myself from them. I was blasted with sound. So much sound! I could hear the birds in the trees, the clicking of insects underground, the rustling of far-off leaves. I could hear the breathing and heartbeat of something big behind me, a presence I immediately filed away as comforting and familiar and acceptable. Another heartbeat, faster and accompanied by scratching, scrabbling noises, came from in front, from another pile of enormous clothes with a lump moving around inside them. I breathed in, and scents tantalized me. No food was nearby, but I could smell a playmate.

“Chrrrrrrrrl!” I said, an invitation to play with the other lemur. It smelled like me, so it must be family!

“Hey, you guys okay?” I felt my ears flick in the direction of the sound, and turned to look at the presence behind me. He was big, but not scary. He was good. He was… Aang.

I blinked. Aang. Right. The Avatar. And I was Katara. How could I have forgotten?

I could still feel Momo’s mind there, next to my own. But I was me, too. I realized who the ‘other lemur’ was.

“Wrrr chrrrr.” I said, and panicked for a moment. Then I remembered how Aang had talked with his mind, and thought at the pile of clothes: (Sokka? Are you okay?)

(No, I’m not okay!) came Sokka’s voice in my head. (I’m Momo! How is that okay?)

(Well, you’re supposed to be Momo. Come out of there.)

(I’m all tangled up.)

“Guys? Talk to me, guys.”

I turned to Aang, and thought at him. (Sokka’s stuck.)

Aang walked over and lifted up Sokka’s shirt, revealing a lemur that was utterly tangled in a loincloth. The avatar broke out in a huge grin. “Hey Sokka! You did it!”

Sokka managed to extricate himself from the loincloth, the fur on his back bristling. (Yeah. Great. I’m a magical transforming freak. Just what I always wanted.)

Sokka looked at me. (Katara? Is that you? What are you doing?)

(Hmm?) Without realizing it, I had started combing through the fur on my tail. I dropped it, embarrassed. (I don’t know… grooming?)

(Don’t act like a lemur, Katara. You’re a human.) Sokka sounded odd. Frightened, almost.

“Actually, she is a lemur,” spoke up Aang. “I think when you morph, your mind gets a bit of both.”

(Wonderful. I have a lemur brain. Why am I doing this, again?)

“Because Elfangor gave it to us, to help us. And besides, now you get to fly!” Aang picked up his glider, and snapped it open. “Come on, guys!”

I looked at my arm. It was white, and furred, and the two long fingers were folded back. I extended them, and watched the wings as they unfolded. I took a deep breath. Well, here it goes.

I spread my wings, and jumped.

For a moment, I was terrified. I had jumped at least three body-lengths into the air, far higher than I had expected. I didn’t know how to fly! I was going to fall! But then my wings started flapping, and somehow… I just knew what to do. Or the lemur part of me knew what to do, since the human part of me was still going ImgonnafallImgonnafallImgonnafall!

How can I even describe it? The wind was rushing around me, blowing the fur back from my face while my arms worked up and down and the ground just fell away… It was a bit like gliding at the Northern Air Temple, but so much better. I wasn’t just going in circles, I was going up, down, twisting sideways and catching at the wind.

(Whoaaaaaaaa!)

“You go, Katara!” shouted Aang. I banked in a tight circle, and then Aang was in front of me, on his glider. He turned sharply upward, and I followed, changing the angle and tuck of my wings automatically.

We went higher and higher, and then Aang shouted: “Look around!”

I stopped and hovered, not even thinking about what I was doing. We were so high, the trees looked like sticks, and Appa looked like a mouse. The huge sky was open above me, and the horizon stretched to all sides, until it hit the mountains in the distance.

(Oh, wow! I can’t believe this!) I thought. My wings were getting tired of hovering, but it was just so beautiful, I didn’t care. (This is amazing!)

Aang grinned at me from his glider. “It’s flying. You're flying, Katara!”

A gust of wind rocked me, and I flew in a circle around Aang. I had never felt so… free. I wanted the feeling to last forever.

Then, (Where’s Sokka?)

We both looked down. I could see Appa, and maybe our sleeping bags, but I was too far away to make out much else. But I could hear something moving around down there.

Aang tilted his glider and started to slide back down, and I folded my wings into a steep glide. My stomach swooped as I descended, the ground rushing up at me in a way that should have been terrifying, but my lemur self saw as completely normal.

Aang reached the ground before me, and I landed on his shoulder, gripping his shirt with the claws on my feet. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

“Sokka?” Aang called. I looked, following his gaze.

There were two lemurs playing on the ground, much as Aang had been with Momo earlier. Only not quite. Aang and Momo had been playing happily enough, but now it looked like only one participant in this lemur pair was at all interested. The other was running in circles, trying to escape as the other lemur leapt after him.

(Gnnnngh! Get him off of me, Aang!)

Aang laughed. “He’s not going to hurt you. It’s a game.”

One of the lemurs (they looked and smelled exactly the same! How was I supposed to tell which one was Sokka?) stopped, and was immediately pounced on by the other. It squawked as the other lemur began chewing on its ear.

(You call this playing?? It’s more like murder!)

I thought-laughed and spread my wings, fluttering down to where Sokka and Momo were ‘playing.’ (Hey Momo!) I thought, still giddy after my flight. (Come play with me!)

The ear-chewing lemur looked up at me, then pounced. The next few moments were a blur of white and black fur, in which I was buffeted by wings and limbs. But… it wasn’t in earnest. It was a game. Momo wasn’t really trying to hurt me. So, I hit back, careful not to scratch.

A few moments later, Momo had leapt off me, and was running his fingers through the fur on my back. It felt really good. Calming, like when I was a very small child, and my mother would braid my hair. It was a good memory, and I ‘chrrrrrr’ed.

“See? Katara gets it,” Aang was saying. “You’re a lemur. You play like a lemur.”

(I am not a lemur, Aang.) Sokka’s thought-voice sounded angry. (And neither is Katara. I think we should change back now.)

“Huh? But you haven’t even flown yet! And we have plenty of time…”

(I don’t want to do this anymore. If we need to fight these… Yeerks, then we’ll fight them normally. As people. Not as… as lemurs.)

Aang sighed. I looked at him. He looked disappointed. “Alright. I just thought that… you would think it was fun.”

(Well, it’s not. Now, how do I change back?)

“Just… concentrate again. Only this time think about yourself as you.”

Sokka sprouted upward, his wings shifting into hands and his face emerging from a still Momo-ish body. He was naked, so I turned away, even as Momo still tried to groom my face.

After a moment, I heard his voice: “Katara, you change back too.”

I didn’t like that tone. (Sokka, you’re overreacting. We were given this gift, why don’t we use it? I’m not doing anything dangerous.) I looked back over at Sokka, who was pulling his tunic on.

Sokka glared as he stuck his head through the shirt hole. “It is dangerous! If you stay a lemur for more than two hours, you’ll stay a lemur! Forever! I am not having a lemur for a sister!”

(Don’t be so pushy!) I thought. Maybe it was the Momo in me that was feeling so contrary. I couldn’t tell. (I’m fine!)

“Katara!”

I heard the thump, thump of Sokka’s feet coming over. I looked up at him, completely unfazed. (What?)

Two enormous hands wrapped around my middle and lifted me into the air. I pushed away from my giant brother, but he was far stronger. I looked into his face, which looked the size of Appa’s. My fur bristled, prickling up my back. (Sokka! What’s your problem?)

“My problem? My problem?? I’m not the one who’s a lemur right now!”

“But, you’re talking to one,” pointed out Aang.

(Sokka, you’re freaking out,) I noted.

“Freaking OUT?? I- I- I’m sick of all this! Of giant monsters and talking lemurs and moon spirits and-”

(Moon spirits?)

Sokka took a deep breath, and seemed to regain some control. He put me down. “I…” he closed his eyes. “I’d really feel better if you changed back now.”

I paused. (Alright, if you feel that strongly about it.)

I concentrated on myself. And, for a moment, nothing happened. Then, my fur melted away. I was a hairless lemur. I was not pretty. (Turn away, you guys!)

After they did, my legs swelled, growing to human size, and my tail sucked in. I can’t even imagine what I must have looked like then, with a Momo head and body and these huge legs sticking out. As the rest of me caught up, I headed over to my pile of clothes, pulling them on as fast as I could. Being a lemur was fun, but the process of morphing gave me the heebie-jeebies.

“Okay,” I said, as soon as I was decent. “I’m good.”

Sokka turned around, frowning. “Alright,” he said. “We’re not doing this anymore, okay? We’re going to fight the Fire Nation, and forget this ever happened.”

“But-” started Aang.

“No buts, Aang! I don’t care if you think it’s ‘fun.’ It’s dangerous.”

Aang frowned. “But it is fun! And it could be really useful!”

“Look, Aang, what if we were inside when we morphed? How would we keep track of the time? I will not risk myself, my sister, or the fate of the world with some freaky spirit’s idea of a gift.”

Aang deflated.

“Have we decided, then? No more… ‘morphing?’”

Aang closed his eyes, and nodded.

I frowned. I didn’t want to agree. I wanted to fly again, to feel that rush… but then again, if Elfangor hadn’t told us everything about morphing… if there were other costs…

I nodded, looking at the ground. No more morphing.

And if we found the Yeerks… we’d fight them as ourselves.

[asksansweredpdf]

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? i feel like it was teenage rebel - chameleon circuit hahaha

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? well, i often do tarot spreads for this. but i guess i would ask - you know. i’m not sure

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? literally just surviving it all

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? maybe a few work ones, or the time not long ago i was put in a group assignment for uni. we all decided to meet up after our group presentation for drinks and hang out and i had a really fun time making new friends and hanging out with people

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? oh man i would have WAY less anxiety about everything. knowing that nothing i do will matter in a year would be so freeing and liberating. i’d probably get a new job and actually get my motorbike license and go for rides 

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? i don’t have a bucket list but i’ll try to think of 3 things i’d like to do before i die -

this has been in my drafts for days and i honestly can’t think of a thing. 

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? nope

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? honestly i can’t remember. oh! i think maybe 6 months ago i got high and started over thinking and got sad and started crying. my roommate walked past because i forgot i had the door open and hugged me and then left after a bit

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. ideally, it’d be a close friend. but i dont have those. so maybe if i could go back in time and stargaze with an old friend. otherwise, my current friend hj is cool! actually, i’d love to get high and stargaze with him.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? i have before. but no, i wouldn’t now. i’m not like that anymore

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? it was 4 months ago, with my old best friend’s ex-boyfriend (i think they broke up? i dont talk to either of them anymore). i used to be close to him anyway, like we were also best friends. and we used to be roommates.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? i’d love to look my mother in the eyes and say “i’ll never forgive you” but. it doesn’t feel right as much as i mean it. i guess i’d like to say it to both my parents. but i have to pick one person. .... i guess i would get my old best friend who i havent spoken to in 6 years and say “i’m sorry. i missed you for years. i’ll always love you” or something equally dramatic

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? i have them and i love them. they’re so beautiful

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. i’m picking a few because fuck the police “being human is a condition that requires a little anaesthesia” was from the bohrap movie. relatable mood. reminds me of my mother which makes me uncomfortable “fall down 7 times, stand up 8. higher, further, faster” from captain marvel. i’ve been through soooo much fucking shit in my life. and i feel like it just keeps coming (well. the shit keeps coming and it don’t stop coming and it dont stop coming and it dont stop coming and it dont stop coming) and sometimes i wonder what the point of it all is. like what’s the point of trying to be happy when i’m just going to be let down again. and so it’s encouraging to change perspective from that to, we get up higher, further, faster

“my skin has gone from porcelain, to ivory, to steel” - sansa stark  it ties in with the captain marvel one. in that shit just keeps happening. and i feel the same way. i used to be so free and naive and i’m not that person anymore. i guess it makes me feel less alone. 

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? “

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? buy a house for myself, buy a few investment properties so that i know i’m always secure financially. put a couple million in the bank. buy houses for my friends and family, donate the rest

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? yes and yes. i feel like i’m really understanding, and so i forgive people when it’s understandable. but once it’s past a certain point, i’m not at all forgiving. i hold grudges too. i like being this way

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. “hey kid. happy birthday! well, this is where things start to get really hard. you’re going to go through a lot even though you think you won’t. people are going to leave you and treat you despicably and betray you. almost everyone you love will completely screw you over. you will have no one to count on except yourself. i’m not saying this to scare you. but i want you to know that even when you feel like it’s too much to handle, you’re so much stronger than you’ll even realise. you have so much turmoil ahead of you, but i love you so much. you’ll come out the other end with anxiety and so scarred. but you’ll survive it. all of it. you’ll survive. there’s no lesson or greater purpose. i’m not going to tell you that it all happens for a reason, because it doesn’t. just trust that you have what’s in you to face anything. once day this will all feel like a bad dream and you’ll start to feel like yourself again. best of luck. ps there is no god”

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? punk

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. love them both. they’re hot and cool

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? nah, i only wear make up to work. and that’s because i work in sales. part of getting people to like you is being attractive. make up makes you more attractive. when people like you, you have more influence over them and you make more sales

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. runaway by pink. that song just. what a mood. and family portrait. i relate to both of those songs so much. even when i was going through shit, i had that song that i could sing and even though things were never okay, they made it bearable

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. be kind to each other?

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. 1st was a pink concert i went to when i was 15! we were super poor so this was a major deal. i waited in line for ages and my back started hurting real bad. but as soon as she got on stage everything went away. it was electrifying and she performed my favourite song. and i had eyeliner on which i cried off because she was my idol and it was amazing. her dancers were also super hot and i re-affirmed my bisexuality because i was like. wow. yes 2nd was lana & borns. my sister made me go with her to see lana del rey who i dont really give a shit about. she’s cool but im not like a major fan. borns however, i adore with every fibre of my being. borns was the opening act which was cute. i was one of the only ones in the crowd who knew him and everyone behind me was like gasping and talking about how cute he is. which also re-affirmed my sexuality. up until that point i thought that maybe i was a lesbian because i didn’t tend to find men too attractive. but borns? nope, i knew i was bi. then lana came on. it was okay. i knew a fair amount of the songs and apparently pissed everyone off by singing? i just thought that’s what you did at concerts dsjgdslkr but i had fun.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? i would love to get a letter from an old best friend of mine saying sorry & that we should catch up. i feel like i havent had a friendship as full of connection as the one we’ve had. it’s been years and i still dont have anyone that could possibly replace her. but i worry that if we ever did try to re-kindle things it just wouldnt work out. which would lead me to ask myself if there was ever going to be anyone else who i’ll have that connection with. but it’d be nice at least

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? i don’t have a desk! i had one for about 3 months and it was organised. i was always too poor to afford a desk and it just wasnt a priority when i used my bed

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? go upstairs, lay in bed, read .... words, stay up until my eyes are closing for me. sleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? my parents opinion literally means nothing to me. i wouldn’t care what they do/don’t know. i guess id prefer if they didnt know about the drugs because my mum did them a lot and it led to her being abusive. so they’d be suuuper judgy and probably take them off me and shit. but once im moved out, i dont really care. they wont be able to do much about it

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? i’d love to have a shaved thing. my hair’s already short. but my dad’s homophobic and doesnt want me to get it short. i dont give enough of a shit about it to argue with him so i leave it. but if i could, having a cool shaved thing would be nice

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? i dont think i even have 5 friends, and if i do, we certainly don’t have fun together. i’d just go by myself. i’m lots of fun to be around when it’s just me

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. i wish for a job that has stable income, consistent hours, a kind staff, and is something that i’m not constantly fucking up. - i wish for this because i feel like getting up every day to do something that doesn’t give me panic attacks (that i might even be able to enjoy) is such a dream. and if it gives a stable amount of money and hours, i’d be able to plan things and have a life instead of worrying about them calling me at literally any given moment and asking me to work. which means i’d either have to work or stammer out an excuse on the spot & have the managers be mad at me i wish for a living space that i can afford & is either by myself or with people who aren’t terrible. or with people who can’t fuck me over if they get mad at me. this would step 2 of being happy for me. having a job that doesn’t make me anxious = job that could make me happy. living space that is secure and mine and that no one can take away = reduction of anxiety and security = potentially being happy.  i guess i’d use the 3rd wish on having a car or motorbike. being able to get around without relying on anyone or public transport would be nice. i can go to places whenever it suits me and i’d be independent. i can just decide to go to an art gallery without it having to be a major planning thing or something that would take 2 hours to get to and from. it’d be very liberating 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. omg! last halloween. i borrowed an old friend’s witch costume. it was this cute corseted dress with a mini skirt & suspenders that attach to stockings. i bought a matching wand and witches hat. i looked super cute

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? i havent done terrible things under the influence hey. i mostly just have fun and keep to myself.

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? i dunno man. one million dollars is a lot of money. surely any of my usual morals would fly out the window. murder would become questionable. like it’s $1 million. i guess maybe not murder because if i went to jail then i wouldnt be able to spend the $1m. mass murder of like children and innocent people i probably wouldnt do. even if i got away with it

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? 1 song would be maybe americans - janelle monae. it’s a tune and you can listen to it for any mood really 1 person? i’ve purposefully gotten rid of any person i would want to only see for the rest of my life. not in a murder way, i just cut ties with them

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. many a time. it’s a really nice thing! not just romantically. but for me, i just suddenly can’t stop thinking about them. like every spare second i have i’m wondering what they’re doing, thinking about our inside jokes, planning what i’ll say next, wondering what to wear to impress them next, planning how i’m going to work this funny story i want to tell them, etc. and i won’t be able to stop smiling whenever they’re around. the worst giveaway for me is when i can feel myself excessively talking to other people about them. and i can’t stop.  it gives me something to think about that makes me happy. something that makes me happy to distract from usually the shitter things.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? i am a girl and i have really really short hair. i rock it. i also rock black nail polish

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? i hate coffee. so i usually order a white hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. i’d trust anyone to order it for me. as long as they didn’t screw up and get me the white chocolate mocha, which has happened a few times 

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? alcohol. music! probbaly music before alcohol. i love music. cigarettes. and my phone