#suddenly i’m an audiobook person LOL

[kuiinncedes]

hellaur

[walkawaytall]

Audiobooks for which I think the narration vastly improves the book consumption experience:

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green, narrated by John Green - this is John’s first non-fiction book and his narration of the book imbues the text with the right balance of emotion. I cry every time I listen to it, especially the chapter “Googling Strangers” (a version of which you can hear on the podcast that the book kind of spun off from for free if you want). I think John was the perfect narrator for this book and I can’t imagine anyone else reading it. In case you’re wondering, my favorite chapter is “Bonneville Salt Flats”.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins, narrated by Tatiana Maslany — Tatiana is an actress (I mainly know her from an arc on Heartland and a couple of episodes of Parks and Rec, but she was apparently the main character in Orphan Black and has done a bunch of other stuff) and this really comes through in her narration — in a good way. She’s a fantastic voice for Katniss’ inner monologue and I don’t find her read of other character’s voices distracting or confusing in any way. Granted, I knew the stories before listening to the audiobooks, but I enjoyed these so much that, not only did I buy them so I would stop using up Hoopla borrows on them, I also have suggested them to like ten people this year and looked to see if Tatiana had narrated anything else that I might find interesting (she hasn’t done any other audiobooks from what I can tell, which is a real shame).

The Truly Devious Series by Maureen Johnson, narrated by Kate Rudd - I also went looking for anything else narrated by Kate Rudd and was not disappointed — she’s narrated over 500 books, including some of John Green’s novels. But the Truly Devious series is just really fun. It’s a YA murder mystery series. The first three center around the same mystery while the next two (and I assume any subsequent additions) are standalones with the same central cast of characters. Kate does an excellent job of reading the engaging source material and I think I have enjoyed every book I’ve heard her read; I just also happen to really like this series.

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy, narrated by Jennette McCurdy — I think for a memoir as heavy as this one, it only makes sense for Jennette to read her own words. The book is great, her narration is great, but it’s probably not for everyone. Jennette’s story of becoming a well-known child actress at the behest of her mother only to realize once her mom died of cancer that their relationship was abusive is somewhat harrowing, but there is hope woven in as well.

Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott, narrated by January LaVoy — this book is really good but it also gutted me (I won’t spoil anything, but do maybe look up content warnings prior to consuming) and January LaVoy did a really good job. If her name sounds familiar to my Star Wars peeps, it probably is: she read the audiobook for Bloodline, some of the stories in the From A Certain Point of View series, and the new recording of The Courtship of Princess Leia (lol) among others, but she has also narrated loads of non-Star Wars material. Loved this book, loved her narration of it.

Special mention:

The All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness, narrated by Jennifer Ikeda — this is a special mention because I do not actually suggest these books at all. The first one starts out fairly promising with a seemingly interesting and strong main character who suddenly loses all of her personality and agency the moment she meets a hot vampire, and it’s not because she’s being compelled or anything interesting like that. By the end, the only “character” I really liked was the house that Diana’s aunts owned? (Well, I also spent a chunk of the first book hoping that the weird number of times Matthew warned Diana that his stallion bites would turn out to be foreshadowing that the horses were all vampires, but that unfortunately never panned out.) Anyway, these books are not good but I am convinced I kept listening to them even after swearing off the series after the first book because of Jennifer’s narration. And then they switched narrators for the weird little follow-up fourth book about Phoebe becoming a vampire (Time’s Convert) and I wasn’t able to finish it. (And that is not me saying that the narrator of Time’s Convert isn’t good. She narrated Leia, Princess of Alderaan and also did the Leia chapters in The Princess and the Scoundrel, which means I have told multiple people that I wish she would have read the whole book rather than switching off with whoever did Han’s chapters. She’s a fine narrator. What I’m saying is that Jennifer Ikeda was good enough to keep me listening even when I hated what was being read to me while another perfectly fine narrator couldn’t do that, and that’s saying something.)

[deeplyridiculouslyinlove]

Okay, my thoughts at the end of book 4! I’m mostly saving these for my own posterity and there isn’t much interesting here in terms of theory or meta or whatever, so sorry to anyone who finds it in the tags.

- I *really* liked parts of this book. Rand’s experience in Ruihdean was very well done, as were most of the parts of the book in the Waste more generally IMO. Exploring Tel’aran’rhiod was very cool. And I liked learning about the cultural norms surrounding women in the other cultures who can channel. I also liked getting POV chapters for some of the antagonists. Basically, anything that was focused more on world building and less on specific characters had me so engaged I couldn’t stop listening. Not an original thought, but the world building in these books is so good.

- It really took me some time to adjust to the versions of the characters in this book, because it feels like some of them take a sharp turn from who they were books 1-3. Rand especially. I think I had been expecting a little more buildup of character growth where he grows into someone new informed by who he used to be and retaining those values, but instead he’s sort of just a different person this book. It didn’t help that I switched audiobook narrators I’m sure, but there is definitely a different tone to this book - for example, suddenly in this book there are “bosoms” everywhere and it’s weird bc like, where did that come from? Anyway, I’m learning quickly that character development isn’t the strong part of these books even though they’re all POV chapters. By the end of the book I was used to the new versions of each character, but I’m a bit sad we didn’t see more of emotional toll the characters are going through so their changes would be less abrupt. Moiraine also had a different vibe to me this book - I’m biased obviously, but I feel like we need a Moiraine POV chapter soon to understand her current arc. Not that I should ask for these books to be *longer* lol.

- I knew the coup was coming and that Siuan would be stilled but I’m still so DISTRESSED by it. In fact I was so distressed that I had to ask my partner if she eventually gets her power back like Moiraine did in the show 😂 I’m so curious if they’re essentially going to do the same storyline twice, or switch up Siuan’s somehow to avoid the stilling plot altogether? And also, I think I get why they used 2x07 to set up Moiraine and Siuan not being on the best of terms if in the books Siuan doesn’t know what’s going on with Rand when the coup occurs.

- Sadly I feel like everything I heard about the poor writing of women that had been the reason I hesitated to read the books in the first place really crop up in this book. Why is every single POV female character (and even some who aren’t POV, like Faile) in love with a male character? And don’t get me started on the weird way that the girls have their clothes change on them to expose them without consent when they think about men in Tel’aran’rhiod - that would NEVER be written to happen to a male character to show his interest in a woman. And yet at the same time they’re supposed to be all in love and weirdly horny now, they’re also somehow all soo childish - what in the world is with Elayne pulling in Thom’s mustaches?? At one point they literally say Aviendha is having a “tantrum.” It’s not just that the book is so straight, it’s also like, weird straight…

- Maybe tied to the above, but it seems like we’re not supposed to like the Aes Sedai (or maybe more accurately, the White Tower and those trained formally there) but I continue to think they’re one of the most interesting parts of these books. Even with the coup! I want so much more from their perspectives. And it seems like Jordan may be trying to make the point that “even if you have only women in power it will also be corrupt and bad because the problem is power not gender” (like reverse patriarchy!), and to the extent he is it isn’t really hitting for me - it just sort of lands for me as “women can’t be trusted with power,” which is one of the oldest tropes out there. Maybe this will improve! I’m enjoying Siuan as a key POV character, although I guess now she’s no longer Aes Sedai?

[nat-20s]

#10?

prompt 10- recognizing the other's voice in a crowded room

so uhh u didn't specify this being a pairing, and it ended up jonmartin lol

this is like? an au where one of the domains of the lonely (and also maybe stranger) plays off the specific loneliness that comes with parties. u kno the one, where you have fun for about an hour and then realize that you're fundamentally isolated and you need a breather?

anyway

~*~

Upon opening his eyes, he is not where he last remembers being. He is not sure how long his disorientation will last, but considering he's standing up right, at the edge of a crowded ballroom, he suspects it may be the entire time that he's here.

He had fallen asleep on the couch, the TV blaring away on a program he didn't know any of the details of. It hadn't mattered what was playing, as long as it had some of the natural rise and fall of other people speaking. He had been severely mising that lately, those gentle rhythms of conversation, and trying to listen to an audiobook while staring at his bedroom's popcorn ceiling just wasn't cutting it. So, TV dreaming it was.

Oh, that could be what was going on. An elaborate dream, constructed from the sound of a scenario he hadn't paid any attention to. He didn't think he'd fallen asleep watching anything to spark this kind of dreamscape, but that didn't mean much. It'd be oddly lucid, for a dream. And oddly sharp. His dreams, much like his memories, were always somewhat clouded over, and never as colorful as reality. Even his grayest waking days, of which there were many, had colors more distinct than what appeared in his mind's eye.

Simple test: he could never read or write in dreams. The words always swirled and distorted, and he somehow lost all manual dexterity. He needed a book, or a pencil, or both. He began to wander the ballroom, and abruptly realized that this was a masquerade, everyone wearing elaborate costumes with animal shaped masks. Did he fit in? Did he belong? He hoped he wasn't in what he fell asleep in, the worn hoodie and sweatpants barely worth making a grocery run in. The outside world wasn't supposed to see him looking comfortable, but presentable. He liked to think that if he left the apartment appearing at least somewhat put together, maybe people would believe that extended to other areas of his life. That it would be easier to ignore the increasingly dark circles under his eyes, that his nice sweater had been getting gradually looser as the tool of everything literally wore him down.

Small mercy, he wasn't like that now. A glance down showed that he was, like the rest of the guests? Captors? dressed to the nines. He has a suspicion that his own elaborate outfit, dark blues with gold and pearl embroidery, was a part of it. It was not a mercy to blend in here, it was a design element. Standing out would result in being noticed, being noticed meant being seen as an individual, and they can't have that.

It is with that line of thinking that he suddenly becomes aware of the weight of the mask on his face, the restriction of his sight through eyeholes. Looking into a teapot that's been polished to a mirrored shine, he see that he bears the incredibly crafted face of a field mouse. It would almost be plain, if it didn't have matching embroidery to his coat.

Fitting, he thought. It made him look smaller than he was, and he had so often wished to go unnoticed. A fly would've also worked, but he imagines it would be rather hard to make that into a suitably beautiful mask. Either way, he was level with the rest of the crowd. Even believing it to be part of the trick, even knowing that the masquerade was meant to make you false, there was some level of comfort to it. He was not going to be seen here. Instead someone more handsome, more charming, more even with his peers was allowed to take his place, as false as they were. Best of all, that's what all of them would be doing here, the whole appeal of a masquerade in leaving behind the person you loathe most and can never be free from.

Seems lonesome, for a party. So structured around the theater of it all. You can connect with countless people, and you don't get to actually connect with any of them at all.

Oh.

Oh, now this made all made sense. Crave interaction, and get a warped version of it.

He could see the napkins, emblazoned with a name that he didn't recognize, presumably the host, and, in much smaller font, the company name. Every one of them was consistent.

Easy enough to receive the message. This wasn't a dream. This was a punishment.

Hmm. Well, no, punishment might be the wrong term. Punishment implied that it was a consequence, a direct cause and effect of doing something wrong, by someone's definitions of "wrong". No this was. Torture is too strong of a word, and again, has the problem of making this seem willful. Deliberate. And maybe it was, but more likely, whatever this was had just sort of happened. A cruelty that comes with being in the universe they all happen to occupy.

This wasn't a dream. This was a consequence.

He doesn't know how to get out of here. He can't see any doors, and exits. The only approximation of one is some giant frosted glass that seem like they might lead to a balcony. They're only on the other end of the ballroom, but that lengths feels impenetrable, like it spans for miles and miles of harsh terrain.

There's a few options available to him.

One: Try to fall asleep, and see if he can get back to where he started. Lowest effort option, but he's pretty sure he hasn't been this fully awake in months. Maybe years. Something about the environment makes it feel as though electricity sparks throughout his entire body. It's an interesting sensation, certainly, akin to anxiety taken to an extreme degree, yet it's not particularly conducive to sleeping.

Two: Make a break for it. He doesn't know if there's anywhere to make a break for, but he also isn't sure how high up this place is. Maybe the balcony is a viable option for escape. Or maybe he'll find a door that had previously been hidden from him. Hell, maybe he won't fully escape, but he'll find somewhere quieter at the very least. Somewhere that he doesn't leave him so thoroughly dazed. This is probably the best option, even account for the wall of people surrounding him. But.

Option Three: Join the Dance.

Inadvisable. Foolish, really. The best outcome is..what? Is there a best outcome? Worst outcome is he's dancing forever, until his feet wear down to stubs of bone, until he dies, until he cant remember anything but the dance. Never a connection with any dancer, all of them, eventually, a blur of activity and nothing more.

Yet, it's what he's going to do. He's not the most curious person he knows, that honor goes to a man that he's been in love with for years, but can't grasp any of the details of while he's here. That can't be good. What was his name?

Anyway. He's not the most curious, but he's hardly immune to a detrimental sense of interest. He wants to know what the dance is like. He wants to see the intricate costumes of the others stuck here, and see if there's anything behind the masks. He knows it will, inevitably, leave him lonelier. He knows, inevitably, that he does not care. At least this version of loneliness is more interesting than sitting in his flat, wondering whether having thin enough walls to hear the echo of his neighbors' voices would make things better or worse. So, when someone approaches, adorned in a shrew mask, hand outstretched to pull him into the fervor, he accepts.

The dancer is competent. Neither of them steps on the others foot, and he lets himself be led. Even better, the dancer is willing to talk. A man named Tom, his voice cheerful even as he confirms that he doesn't know how he came here either. Tom shrugs when he asks if this bothers him, saying if you're going to end up somewhere mysteriously, gliding across a ballroom with a handsome stranger is hardly the worst place to be.

It takes a second for him to register the fact that Tom's flirting. It makes him laugh, and it feels wrong in his throat. The sound is unfamiliar, almost belonging to someone else, but it's brief enough not to hurt. He'll grieve all the time he's lost later, for now, he says, "How would you know if I'm handsome with this mask? Or are you just making a flattering guess?"

Tom opens his mouth to answer, a grin on his features that suggest something playful and wry is about to come out, but then the song ends. They both know, somehow, that the brief rapport they've gotten to enjoy has come to an end. They swap partners, and as much has he would like a second dance, when Tom gets swept into the throng, he knows he won't be seeing him again.

The next dancer is at a higher skill level at him, which results in nerves encroaching on what limited ability he has. Perhaps the peacock mask should've been a tip off. He doesn't speak to them, more focused on trying to keep up. He doesn't regret that they'll only have one dance, but he is slightly remiss that his own costume doesn't have feathers after watching the way they move.

The dancer after that catches him for a slow dance. Her name is Shelia, and he's never seen such a dazzling smile. He tells her as such, and she tells him that she would tell him the same, but she hasn't actually seen his own, yet. He makes an attempt, and she tells him, "Oh honey, you're waiting for someone here, aren't you?"

When he states his confusion, that nobody comes to mind, or at least, that nobody is going to come, she shakes her head. Apparently, she can always tell when her dance partners have somewhere else to be, and she doesn't resent it, but it does mean she's not going to give him her number for after the night ends. He's amazed she believes this night will end, but it's a sentiment that seems far too rude to voice out loud.

He also knows that he doesn't have somewhere else to be. If he did, he would've never joined in.

The music continues, and so does he. He tries to get names, tries to get connections. He flirts with Mark, and Nadia, and Jamie. Those people are his favorite during the dances, but losing the also feels the most acute. Robert is his least favorite, even more so than the peacock, for how incredibly small the fox makes him feel. Nothing is even said, it's just the entirety of body language screams that Robert doesn't think he belongs here, that he's not worthy of the clothes he's wearing or the hall he's haunting. Ironically, he's right. He doesn't belong here. These clothes, these people, are not his. Only Robert is quite so skilled at making that seem like a bad thing.

About ten dances in, long past the point he should be winded, he realizes two things. One, there's no pain in his feet, no heaviness to his breathing, confirming once again that no aspect of this environment is natural. Two, is that he's actually had a path. Sometime in the spins and leads and follows, he had been making his way towards the center of the floor. He denies the next partner, likely the worst of a faux paus in this environment, but he needs a moment to stop. Taking in the scene, he has yet to find the source of the music, but he has found the host of this party.

There's nothing to physically show that he's the host. His costume isn't particularly ostentatious, at least not compared to the rest of them. He's not surrounded by a horde of people clamoring for his attention. He doesn't glow or sparkle or have a spotlight on him. The only reveal of his status is the fact that the second he looks at the man in the owl mask, fear floods through him.

Now he needs to run. He needs to leave, he needs to get out, he can't let the man in the owl mask see him, let alone approach him. Pushing his way through the crowd is a bad idea, will bring too much attention to himself. However, he's not in a state to think about that sort of thing, panic gripping his actions. As he shoves his way past one person, he swears ten more people tke their place, and he, oh so close to despair, is unable to tell if there's any actual distance being put between him and the owl masked man.

As he's about to start biting, clawing, screaming his way out any way he can, he hears something that makes him stop.

"Let him go, or I will make you let him go."

The statement is cold, filled with vitrol and determination. It should only make him more afraid. But as he turns around, he sees someone he never expected to be here, someone who has come here anyway. In an all black outfit, the man's face is covered with that of a cat's, but he has not a single ounce of doubt as to who it is. And he's facing off against the owl man, the absolute fool. He's facing off against the owl man, and Martin knows that it's on his own account. What the hell? He can't...he doesn't know what's going to happen to him, what exactly the owl man is going to do, but he can't let Jon get hurt. Begging his voice to pierce through the pandemonium of people and noise, he calls out, "JON!"

Jon finds him in an instant, eyes locking. They only have a second before the crowd pushes in, before the owl man reaches out, wing-like cape ready to wrap Jon up and snatch him away. Jon simply calls out, "Balcony!" before he's once again out of sight. Martin wants to go towards him, wants to follow the instinct to try and protect the one he loves, but going forward is impossible.

The tempo and volume of the music has swollen, and he's surrounded by hands reaching out, trying to pull him in. One of those hands, much to his surprise, belongs to Tom. He stares, uncomprehendingly, and Tom shoves his hand out even further in an act of urgency. He has to participate to make progress.

He holds on tight, all the basic skill of their first dance lost. It doesn't matter, as long as Martin participates, he is rewarded. When the next song begins to play, Tom strengthens his grip, and they manage to prevent the switch. In a manner of minutes, or perhaps hours, they make their way to the edge of the crowd. Martin can see those beautiful frosted doors only about 10 meters away, mostly unobstructed, and releases Tom from their dance. "Thank you. I seriously didn't think..just, thank you."

Tom gives him a nod, his expression much more solemn than it had been during their initial meeting. "After our first dance, I remembered my kids. A daughter and son. If they're out there, wherever out there is, I need to get back to them. If you can get yourself out, maybe there's hope for the rest of us, yeah? I think you might be a tipping point."

Martin had no idea if that was true. Sounded a bit too..center of the story for him. The hero, the chosen one, he was never going to fufill those roles. But. But he doesn't know what a denial would serve, and if he can go through those doors, who knows? "Yeah...yeah, maybe. I'll certainly try."

Tom clasps one of Martin's hands between both of his own, and with a quick shake, tells him, "That's all I ask."

In a blink, Tom has once again been swallowed by the fray, and Martin strides to his goal. He catches glimpses of the owl man out of the corner of his eye. Despite the sight making his heart race, the owl man never makes it to him, almost as if the dancers had forcibly blocked his path. Fascinating, isn't it, how a crowd can turn against someone in a matter of moments. Fascinating, isn't it, how a crowd can decide to help someone in the same span of time.

As Martin stands in front of the exit to the balcony, he has to take a breath. This could be a trick. A trap. A cruelty. If it is, he'll deal with it. If not, well.

Well.

The doors are heavy, but he's still able to push them aside. The sight outside is incredible. The stars are dazzling, brilliant, and numerous, resembling themilky way that Martin has only ever seen in pictures.

It's wrong. It's obviously wrong. Martin's never been anywhere remote enough to escape the effects of light pollution, and he's pretty sure a brightly lit manor isn't the exception to that rule. Yet, that's not what's bothering him about it. He can't quite articulate why, but the sky in general should be..different. Worse, maybe. Greener?

Jon is staring up into the night sky with a fascination that confirms Martin's suspicion. After he takes a step towards him, Jon turns towards him, and a smile appears that knocks the breath right out of Martin. When has Jon ever smiled at him like that? It doesn't make sense, feels like another trick of the party, but Martin decides he doesn't care, he'll enjoy it while it lasts. "I have to say, this is definitely one of the nicer looking domains we've wandered through. Always a plus when we end up somewhere without any bloodstains."

That's not... "Huh?"

With an aftertaste of a laugh and a shrug of his shoulders, Jon tells him, "Just that, for as much as I despise the loneliness, it does at least have cleanliness going for it."

He knows of the fears, at least, but the way that Jon is talking about them doesn't make sense. He's going to ask about it, try to get some clarification, but then Jon takes off his mask. There's more grey at the temples than he remembers, more eyes than the average person, and he's stunningly beautiful. Martin's always found Jon rather good looking, even when he didn't particularly like Jon himself (god, what a fool he was. Maybe what a fool they both were). Combined with the softness in the line of his mouth, the adoration in his eyes, it leaves Martin breathless, speechless, thoughtless. Feet moving of their own accord, he drifts closer to Jon. Once he's standing in front of him, Jon reaches up, then pauses, as if asking for permission. Half in a daze, Martin nods, then leans down. Ever so gently, Jon lifts Martin's mask off. The pinpoints of contact between his face and Jon's fingers almost burn, and he realizes that despite the electrified sensation under his skin, he's been cold this entire time. Mask fully off, Jon beams at him, and lets out a quiet, "There you are."

It's too much. It's the tipping point for him to go from enamoured back to properly baffled. "Jon, I don't..what are you doing here?"

Jon smile drops, and Martin almost wants to take it back. Almost, because he needs answers, because if this is a dream, if this is a nightmare, it's more wicked than he could've ever expected. Being stuck forever in a dance with only partners whose greatest talents were being alone in a crowd is one thing, but having a..a false Jon, one that regarded him with...that acted like...that felt anything close to the same as Martin was so..exacting. When it got taken away, when the illusion shattered, it would hurt. It's already hurting, anticipation of the wound causing a phantom pain. Jon's brows are furrowed, and at least that is familiar, expected. "I..thought you would want to leave. I came to get you out."

"I do," did he?, "but that still..that's not the why? Why would you come for me?"

"Because I love you? I know I'm not much for the swashbuckling hero role, bit I figured that would make me rather uniquely qualified."

Martin sucks in a breath through his nose and his eyes go wide. Ability to read be damned, this is a dream, and mean one at that. He's going to wake up, and he's going to remember, and he's going to be as alone as he's always been. "Since when? You're not..I think we've just started being friends, and it's not even, fuck, we're not even that close! And even if..if things were in development, which they aren't, you're supposed to be in America right now. Or, no, wait you're in a coma, or maybe..no, that's not-"

Martin's spiralling is abruptly cut off by Jon taking his hands. Looking at his face, he finds Jon staring back, his eyes, his two eyes, are searching him, and Martin realizes he might not be the only one that's lost right now. "Martin...what's the last thing you remember?"

A mostly empty flat, the delightful mix of insomnia and exhaustion, and the TV with the volume turned down low enough to not bother anyone but himself. The context around that scene is a bit fuzzier. "I..was at my place. It was..I dunno, it was boring."

"Anything else. Do you remember Jane Prentiss?"

"Of course I remember Jane Prentiss. Not likely to ever forget the worst two weeks of my life."

"What about Scotland?"

Scotland? "I'm mean, I've never been, but I, uh, am aware of the concept."

Except that wasn't quite true, was it? He had been to Scotland, and Jon had been there, but when? Why? What had they..

Jon's frown deepens. "Martin, do you trust me?"

He did. Despite everything, or maybe because of an everything he couldn't quite access, he really, really did. His response of "Yes" is more of a breath than a word, but Jon understands nonetheless. Jon reaches up, places his hands on the sides of Martin's face, and tells him, "Close your eyes."

Martin does as told, and Jon brings their foreheads together, an approximation of a kiss. There's a buzzing at the base of his skull, not painful, but not particularly pleasant, either. As Jon leans back and he opens his eyes, the sky is wrong, but it is the wrong that he has become increasingly accustomed to.

He remembers.

Jon hasn't fully released him yet, asking still ever so gently, "Back with me?"

Martin nods, and Jon drops his hands. Immediately, Martin grabs one of them with his own, because while it may be the apocalypse, at least he can do that as freely as he likes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good, " he looks down, and sighs, "Eugh. Do miss the clean clothes though."

Jon gives a hint of a smile, and as he begins to move forward. "Now you understand my point about the lonely having a tidiness to it."

"If it's all the same to you, I think I'll take grime over memory loss any day."

"Next domain is a corruption one, so we'll see how much that holds true."

"Of course it is."

They walk in silence for a few moments until Martin gives Jon's hand a quick squeeze. "Hey Jon?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for getting me out."

Jon replies, "Of course," as an easy statement of fact, and Martin believes it. He has to add, "And I love you too."

The responding smile he gets from Jon makes him think he might be one of the few people in existence to feel lucky after the end of the world.

[rigelmejo]

i love translating chinese to someone but idk why it means what it means it just !means! what it means 

unrelated but i ventured onto reddits language learner subs again. happy news no big drama lol. anyway i read a post on someone asking when to increase difficulty of immersion material and it got me thinking:

1. if i wanted to increase show difficulty for myself, i should immerse next in a new genre (probably a palace related drama to pick up some words), or immerse more in shows with NO chinese subs. because i’m fairly good at following shows now if i have chinese subs. But with no subs, relying solely on listening comprehension, I miss a lot more. So I could improve there. And its probably easier to learn from with the visual aid of it being a show - whereas right now I do most listening comprehension with audiobooks and dramas. Which to be fair, just is more fun to me right now. (So i guess lets be real i’m going to keep watching chinese shows with chinese subs unless subs aren’t an option ToT i watch english shows with english subs, its just easier!)

2. with immersion, i genuinely think the difficulty level a person can handle is usually HIGHER than they think it is. so i’m a big believer in having at least some immersion material that you consider difficult, challenging, that you Think you may not be able to handle. So for example, when I started chinese. Once graded readers became readable to me (but not ‘easy’ yet), I tried to immerse with an easier tamendegushi webnovel I found (simple daily life vocabulary), and with tian ya ke. tamendegushi was intensely difficult to me and took like 1 hour per chapter at first (probably 5 page chapters). It was way harder than a graded reader, but if i looked up enough words i could comprehend the main plot. Then I spent some time on tian ya ke - and like a PAGE took me 1 hour. So tried it for a decent while like a few weeks. Then I went back to tamendegushi. Suddenly chapters took me 45 minutes, then 30, and it was a bit less of a slog. When I went back to graded readers? they were now ACTUALLY easy, not just ‘manageable.’ I went back to tian ya ke for a while, it was now 1-1.5 hours per chapter. Still brutal, but I could actually finish a chapter in 2 days now. So I worked on it for a couple months, and by the end of it chapters were taking me 45 minutes. I went back to tamendegushi (since graded readers now gave me no difficulty), and tamendegushi at that point I could finish a chapter in 20 minutes. I was clearly improving. At that point I wanted to work on reading speed so I found some easier novels and read them, aiming for a chapter every 10 minutes. Once I managed that, I picked a new novel easier than priest’s writing but harder than tamendegushi, and made it my ‘easier’ reading material. 

Basically: I would have A-slight challenge, B-difficult, C-very-hard level materials. I start with something being B level difficult, then pick something C-very-hard level. Then I go back to B and eventually it becomes A level to me. A level is good extensive reading material for me, B level I can read extensively without tools OR may read intensively (looking up words) to speed up how quick I learn unknown words. C level I HAVE to look up unknown words or I cannot follow what’s going on. A level stuff will eventually stop being challenging at all, at which point my B level stuff becomes my A level stuff. Like graded readers used to be my A level materials but now I know all the words/grammar in them, so now stuff like tamendegushi and Xiao Wangzi are my A level stuff. zhenhun and tian ya ke used to be my C level stuff, but now i can read them without a dictionary if i want to, so they’re B level stuff now. I don’t have any C-level stuff right now (maybe Poyun or a new genre I don’t read as much like Sha Po Lang, Can Ci Pin, next time I want to read something I have to look up words for).

For shows, I really recommend just pushing yourself beyond what you think you’re capable of. Especially if you have learned 1000-2000 or more words. You’re ready. At that point you just need to get used to actually Recognizing the words you studied in immersion, and get used to the speaking speed. But if you know that many words, you WILL comprehend more of shows the more you practice watching them (as you get used to instant-recognition of stuff you’ve studied), you WILL eventually be able to pick up some new words/phrases from context alone, and if you want to speed things up you can pick some key words to look up as you watch (and soon enough you’ll know enough key words that you no longer feel a need to look up words to comprehend the main plot). For shows, the easiest to start with tend to be slice of life or romance for the mainly daily-life easier vocabulary and context, or things you’ve seen before/know the plot of already, or action (because a lot of the plot is visually obvious). But other genre specific shows you WILL get used to, and if you want to learn the words for that genre so future shows in it are easier for you, then pick a genre-specific show so you can learn the genre common words. 

EVERY step of getting used to show immersion felt ridiculously hard and yet it seemed like i ‘magically’ got better after just doing it a lot. and i think a big part of that is because of what i mentioned above - the initial difficulty curve is mostly not being used to the speaking speed and immediately comprehending words you studied but have no practice Actually Recognizing. 

At first I tried to watch Anti Fraud League after 5 months of chinese and flashcard studying 1000 words and reading a grammar guide summary (so I had theoretical knowledge but no practice). I could handle 12-20 minutes at a time, with constant pausing to read the chinese subs, and I could follow the main overall plot but my brain felt FRIED. So I did about 20 minutes of an episode once a week for a couple months. Then took a break. Once a month I tried watching an episode of a show - Handsome Siblings (took me 1.5 hours cause I kept pausing to look up critical words), and Xiao Xin Shi Yi Lang (first show I managed to watch in regular airing time cause I didn’t pause). It felt mentally DRAINING but I managed it. So the next month I tried Granting You A Dreamlike life. I made a rule to either pause to read chinese subs for help OR look up a word only around 5 times an ep (to keep my watch time per ep under 1 hour). The first 5 episodes felt DRAINING lol. But I was getting through them in 50 minutes an ep, and simply FINISHING the eps which is better than I was doing back in anti fraud league. After ep 5 I stopped having to look up words or pause, watch time went down to the actual run time, and It felt much easier to watch and just binge. By 15 eps I felt I had to focus less hard to follow the plot, and it felt harder than watching with english subs, but much easier than before. Then I took a break for several months. Killer and Healer came out and I tried watching that in chinese - went about as well as GYADL, no pausing needed or word lookup. Then Word of Honor was airing, and I wanted to watch faster than english subs came out initially. So I started that. BRAIN FELT FRIED because I did not know a lot of wuxia vocabulary. I didn’t look up words though, I paused for the first few eps to read certain lines (especially the poem quotes the prince and wen kexing use ;-; ) but afterwards i stopped and just decided ‘i’ll follow the plot as well as i can!’ It... worked out. By ep 7 I was following the plot fine. Then I’d watch the english subs later, and find out I followed a lot more details than I thought. Then I’d watch the chinese subs again (cause i kept rewatching lol) and catch even more details/words the second watch. To get better at comprehending I simply.... had to keep watching. 

After Word of Honor, shows in genres I was familiar with were no longer ‘draining’ in chinese. I didn’t need to focus as intensely (I had to focus a bit more intensely than with english subs, but not to the point i felt tired). The summer after WoH I watched half of Humans cdrama, and by the time I got through those episodes chinese watching didn’t require intense focus anymore - just about the amount english subs require from me. After that i’ve watched a few more things in chinese i wanted to check out, and i did not need to focus hard. The exception of course is new genres - which still feel significantly harder. But I’m sure like WoH, if i just watched several episodes, i’d eventually adjust.

So yeah like... just like my reading immersion, I kept gradually doing something a bit harder then going back to things I was more familiar with. And each time I went back, the older thing got ‘easier.’ If I had given up just because I thought i ‘still wasn’t prepared’ back when an episode was taking 1 hour, i wouldn’t have gotten to the point where shows eventually got more manageable and less draining. (I do think i needed to know about 1500 words before shows didnt take so much mental effort i’d give up though, and probably had picked up around 2000 words by the time i was watching WoH. So i think with less than that much vocab, word lookup may be more necessary). 

[trulyhopelessromantic]

BRITT'S BOOKS '21

Book 20)  The Beekeeper's Apprentice, or On the Segregation of the Queen (Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes #1) by Laurie R. King, Jenny Sterlin (Narrator)

pages: allegedly about 368 pages but I listened to an audiobook of 804 minutes

Started: November 29, 2021

Finished: December 21, 2021

Thoughts: Ok lemme paste a few comments that were made along my journey through this book... But before that lemme start with saying this was recommended to me by my best friend so I had already a high opinion of it to start (probably led to my slight disappointment in this novel but oh well) and additionally my love for the Lady Sherlock series by Sherry Thomas overshadowed this novel a bit. I was also shocked (and exhausted) to learn that there are like 20 books in this series! 20!!!! Dear lord I don't know that I have the strength to complete a series of 20 but we shall see as the years pass lol

My 2 biggest problems were (as outlined a bit below) the narration pace of the audiobook and the choppy narrative of this book so it was harder to get through than others...

Ok for some commentary made (on Goodreads) along the way:

The final act of this was good but the rest a bit choppy for my liking. I shall perhaps indulge in more Mary Russell stories in the new year.

It's a good book but plods along slowly at times and in retrospect feels like a few different chunks of different manuscripts/story put together. I suppose this was the intention considering it is in some ways a memoir but sometimes things are described with detail while others are breezed over in order not to overwhelm the reader with a play-by-play and at times feels detached and /or makes me feel suddenly detached from the story. But once the seriousness gets going then the novel really gets its ground.

22.0% "804 mins total, probably coz the person reads a bit slow at times. I wish I could go 1.5 speed at some points but oh well. Also the author intro was such unedited background noise audio I worried the entire thing was going to be that. I still sorta hear a bit of foley problems with the professional stuff but it could be the cars around me lol. Anyway I think I like Mary Russell & can't wait for more case adventures!

spoiler to above comment: it was NOT cars around me. haha oh dear

40.0% Again narrative is hard coz of pace of audio reader but it's picking up a bit plot-wise with the discovery of [REDACTED]

67.0% "Wait she's still only 19 why did I think she was 21 or 22 did she mention that or something and now has backtracked? -_- sheesh

This is again my problem with audiobooks. Details that I do not physically read can sometimes be missed and if one wants to go back to figure out where the last mention was, well, good luck -_-

66.0% Finally I'm into this novel with the intrigue of being followed and almost murdered a number of times! Haha

52.0% Not bad. Bomb threat. Is Moriarty brought up because yes we've got a connection to him or just coz? :D I hope the former.

Read a semi-spoiler comment below where I reveal my ideas (at the time of reading 75% of the novel) about the big baddie of this narrative:

75.0% At long last some movement in the story. I have a theory about this woman being Irene Adler herself or Moriarty's daughter. (Or daughter of the 2 adversaries lol. No that is a joke.) It's Irene or Moriarty's daughter as my prediction. I was getting it confused with another book I'm reading as it being "Miss Moriarty, I presume." but that doesn't mean I'm wrong about my prediction lol

[eddisfargo]

CoMC Chapter 117--THE LAST CHAPTER

CHAPTER 117

The Fifth of October

38 minutes

THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS! The LAST chapter!! And look at that name--we’re closing it off with just one last Dumas Countdown™, because this is the deadline at which our sad little son is supposed to kill himself. And/or discover Juliet. 

And I am off to listen! Wish me luck!!

OK I’M BACK, and I listened to it last night, and posted my “FIN” interlude, and now I’m finishing this! So bittersweet!!

So…… I don’t know what I was expecting. Hahaha I mean I guess I do, and in some ways it was spot on, but I was kind of expecting Val to pop in and stop Morrel from killing himself, not for MC to just… give him fake poison. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Time to do the thing I’ve been doing where I put the book on doublespeed and skip around! 

Also I didn’t do that and it’s days later because I procrastinated this for some reason wanted to give the story some time to marinate so I’m doing something unprecedented and I’m going to post this immediately after I write it. If I’d queued it like normal it would’ve gone up at like 4am today but it’s 10:30am and I still haven’t written it. (11:30am by the time I’m posting it! lol) Every other chapter went up by last night! But hey, LONG ONE INCOMING. 

Getting this out of the way in advance so I don’t have to end on this note: Albert is not, after all, ever mentioned again. 

So Morrell is sailed into Monte Cristo (the island not the d00d) by a guy who turns out to be Yucky Jacopo. He is a very sad guy because this is the last day of his life (no it isn’t), but he gets all happy when he sees his bff MC. And MC is happy too--he’s all laughy, which Morrel notes as him basically being a different person. But MC’s like “OH YEAH I FORGOT THAT HAPPINESS IS FLEETING” like okaaaaay. And Morrel’s like “well glad that you’re either feigning happiness for my comfort or you’re totally OK with my death which is in like 3 hours.” and MC’s like “I chose c) none of the above.” 

And MC’s like “wait you’re not feeling better? Weird!” And he does this WEIRD interrogation of exactly what kind of sad Morrel is and whether he’s “consoled” or not (“consoled” apparently includes being basically heart-dead). Morrel’s happy because MC’s going to give him a nice easy death and he can die in a friend’s arms. And it turns out Max has been kind of hoping for a miracle which is clearly not coming after all (yes it is). 

So Max is like “OK you know how you know literally everything and are basically from a higher plane and I trust you absolutely?” and MC’s like “yes that’s correct, go on?” (the higher plane is called “grief” btw). 

So it turns out MC’s concerned that Max is… not unhappy enough to be saved, and that would be horrible, because it wouldn’t be proper repentance for his sins. So MC’s like “here have $100 million and now you don’t have to die!” and Max is like “frist of all how DARE yo u” and MC’s like “OK phew just making sure”

So MC hands him the poison and goes “hey I’ll do it too!” and Max is like “but you love people and people love you!” (umm, don’t you have an adorable sister??) “in YOUR case it’d be a crime! No doing that, but I’ll give Valentine your regards. Toodles!” And he just… drinks it. And starts to fade out. Now obviously at this point it’s not real poison, haha. It’s definitely a drug though, because he can’t move or speak and is feeling all wonky. But then VALENTINE WALKS IN!!! Oh my god, she wasn’t dead???? This whole time??? I had NO IDEA!!! 

Now I was a bit worried at this point that he’d just… never believe he didn’t die. Like that this was heaven and no one could prove it wasn’t, haha. But that didn’t quite end up happening. So anyway they’re together now, and that’s MC’s atonement. And now MC goes “GIVE ME YOUR GRATITUDE. I NEED IT TO LIIIIIIIVE. POUR YOUR THANKS INTO MY EAR IT IS MY NOURISHMENT.” And Val totally does. But also she calls Haydee her sister, and MC’s like “oh good you love her that’s great because she’s yours now. I’m setting her free and making her a princess again.” 

And Haydee’s like “Yeah that’s fine, whatever you say. No I mean that literally. I will do WHATEVER YOU SAY ALWAYS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. IF YOU YOU WANT TO [dramatic swoon motion, I assume] CAST ME OFF, I WILL GO! AND DIE! BECAUSE YOU SAY SO!” 

And MC’s like “wait wait wait wait wait are you saying you like… like me or something?” 

And Haydee’s like “I’ve literally been telling you that the entire book. I love you like an immediate family member! Where ‘immediate family member’ is a set containing ‘husband’!” 

And MC’s like “Oh I guess I can be happy then. Like I said in that one chapter that made Eddis so mad. FYI she’s still not cool with this at all, but it’s whatever.” (What a weird thing for Dumas to write in, amirite?)

So they go off to have their happily ever after or whatever and then Max wakes up and is like “wtf I’m not dead! That traitor!” and picks up a knife to finish the job and Valentine goes “I mean or maybe not do that?” And Max is like whaaaaat? Except also he just accepts it instantly. So they go off into the sunset.

They get a note from MC who, it turns out, just… left. Without saying anything. Off to go marry Haydee, one assumes. And speaking of what he left… his houses and stuff to Morrelentine, for starters. Which should be interesting. They’re actually going back to Paris? The city in which she’s supposed to be buried right now? That won’t be a scandal or anything, haha. But whatever, I guess there’s plenty of scandals in Paris. People will get over it eventually. Maybe. Anyway we did need to get Max back to Julie and Emmanuel. That’ll be a nice little family for Valentine, who’s never known love like they have just all the time.

Also Noirtier’s totally waiting for them in Foghorn Leghorn, where he wants to bless the marriage and presumably live with them forever. MC suggests that Val give her whole fortune to charity and also drops in “oh hey literally everyone else in your family is either dead or lost their damn mind, fyi.” But anyway she won’t really need the fortune now they’ve got Monte Cristo bux--because he’s leaving them the grotto treasure. 

So MC suddenly feels humility and remorse and realizes he’s not God, only God is God and he’s just some guy. And why did he let Max suffer so much when Valentine was liTERALLY ALIVE THE WHOLE TIME OMG? Because happy and sad only exist in their contrast to each other, and he needed to be vairy vairy sad before he could properly be vairy vairy happy. You have to die to appreciate life. And apparently all human wisdom is summed up in two words: Wait and hope. 

That seemed it should be the last line of the book, but it keeps going with their reactions. Except spoiler, it totally IS the last line of the book when Valentine repeats it. After the two of them wonder if ever see their father/sister again. 

WAIT AND HOPE. Audible hopes you have enjoyed this program! 

AND SO IT ENDS. (Also that Audible message sounded SO FAST after how slow our narrator talks--I really don’t think this book would be 53 hours read by anyone else, haha. But he did a great job though! Especially at 45% increased speed)

I still can’t believe it’s over! I’m already like halfway through my next audiobook, haha, because it’s actually a reasonably-lengthed book. 

EDDISFARGO HOPES YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS PROGRAM. 

[spilledinkstories]

Be A Time Lord, and Pass Your Own Vibe Check

I’ve struggled to put together a review for this, but I’ve taken an interest in this kind of writing recently, so...here goes. I promised myself I would review the books I read this year lol, and...

I started reading a couple “self help” books this year. 

And “Stop Doing That Sh*t” by Gary John Bishop is kind of the self help book for people who don’t want to be dazzled by, well, bullshit. 

Rather than trying to shower you with glitter and sprinkles, platitudes and promises that you hold the keys to your future...you know, the kind of stuff you think some infomercial guy might turn into an audiobook with serene music in the background...

yeah, this isn’t that. 

This guy shoves your own nonsense in your face and says “ya like the smell of that cookin’?” 

He basically says “waddup nerd, this is your psychology and you should make an effort to understand it, so you can accept it.” 

There’s literally a quote toward the end where he says the most pure form of human acceptance is the general way we perceive a lightbulb: not positive, not negative, we literally have no opinion on if its good or bad, it is just a lightbulb. Or a clothes hamper. It’s just a hamper. No “charge or reaction to” the thing, is how he phrases it. It just is, and we give it no second thoughts.

And he says that’s how you need to learn to view your insecurities and negative thoughts toward the world. You can’t outrun, outsmart, or outwork the core conceptions (there are 3, and he spends a lot of time explaining them, but basically deep-rooted values that colour how you’ve trained yourself to “survive”. they’re usually negative beliefs, and they are central to how you behave). So he says understand and accept them, and you can pivot away from certain reactions because you’ll be able to see them coming. 

Like, that’s the book. 

It doesn’t dare you to stop hitting your snooze button. 

It doesn’t bring up running marathons, or hitting a personal best in weight lifting or getting through your never ending to-be-read pile because you’ll finally start reading in the evening instead of watching TV. 

He doesn’t point to a path that he thinks will be your version of success. It’s more like “you know your own dreams, and here’s why you’ve been standing in your own way”, and I find psychology interesting so it was an interesting take on this kinda stuff.

Literally he says you should just work on being self-aware for a while. Why don’t you want to try with things that you say you want? He calls it “self sabotage” and it’s to do with the core negative beliefs you hold.

He spends the last lil chunk of the book saying once you’ve got that down, you know what core beliefs tend to make you throw everything to the dogs (like being insecure or fearing you’re not enough stopping you from taking great job opportunities or maintaining healthy relationships, or just allowing yourself to be yourself with your friends), you need to learn to accept that you can have a great life. 

A quote he puts in is “How good can you stand it”, which weirdly is something I thought about before reading this? That’s a bit “self-helpy”, I get that, but like...if you could have a so called “perfect” life, your absolute dream life...then what? would you be able to keep it? This guy is a life coach and he says it’s a super real problem. 

He says you get addicted to your beliefs. So if you believe life is a struggle, absence of struggle in your life can make you uncomfortable because it would force you to find a new definition of life, causing you to self destruct (gamble away money, ruin relationships, etc), because self destructing puts you back at square one which is comfortable. It allows you to maintain damaging beliefs (yeah this book is brutally honest at times lol).

He literally says people self destruct because it allows them to avoid growth/change, and stay comfy.

The last bit, I really liked, and it reminded me a bit of another book Atomic Habits by James Clear, kind of about identifying yourself with what you want, not what you have been.

He throws in a quote that goes something like “we assume the past drives the future”, that those core beliefs and preconceived notions dictate what is possible for later life. That you can’t break the cycle, that time is linear.

He suggests instead to really hold in your mind’s eye what you want: career, living situation, partner, blah blah blah, and then break that down into milestones, and then into baby steps, and then start walking. 

forget what systems you lived by before, cause they don’t work. You’ll stay stuck.

He argues not to predict your future based on now, but to dream a future and then start peeling away everything that isn’t that. 

He uses the example of Michelangelo chipping away everything that wasn’t the statue of David, as he famously said he believed David to be underneath all that rock the whole time. He gets into this because I guess we all grow up with caps on what we deem possible - our parents made this much, so we aim for X, and too much excess is just out of bounds. Which I guess makes sense (and as a personal aside I disagree with his statement that “gratitude has been done to death”. Knowing how to be happy with a little is important, I think. Define your values and know what matters).

Use the future to inform your next steps, he’s saying, and recognize your own wiring and internal monologue, so you can sense your own bullshit from a mile away and do one of those pivots that Ross is so fond of. So if you do get the life you dreamed of, you don’t screw it up once you're there. 

You have the backbone to find a new dream.

***

Cons:

he doesn’t say much about positivity, which ironically I really felt the lack of, even though going in he promised none of it and I found it refreshing.

 I think that if you’re gonna pay this much attention to your own thought patterns, you should build in habits of gratitude and like...recognition of all the things that can and do go right.  I think for some people, a starting point of “lemme see everything I’m doing wrong in my mind” could go sideways pretty quickly. If you’re new to that kind of thing, I would say approach it slowly and with caution and take breaks. You’re not setting out to beat yourself up. Just observe. Don’t judge. Take field notes, and do experiments with reacting differently to things and take field notes again. Let yourself be. 

I also don’t think that you should ignore your intuition. There are times where it’s good to pass on relationships or opportunities or jobs. Don't push yourself to do things for the wrong reasons - I guess that would count as self sabotage too. 

TL;DR He’s really just saying get to know yourself so you can steer your own ship effectively. 

Anyway. 

This was way more rant-y than I intended it to be but oh well this is my blog lol.

2020/Covid/suddenly living in the slow lane led me to do some internal maintenance this year, and I've been interested in being responsible for my own psychology for years, so...I thought I’d share my thoughts. :)

also it is late there are probably spelling mistakes too bad lol

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect: Annihilation thoughts

TL;DR I fucking LOVED IT, a balm to my heart after struggling through Nexus Uprising! Also canonical lesbians! The sweetest quarian & his badass grandma! Elcor Hamlet except this time it’ll make you cry!!! 

- Aaaaaah the audiobook reader is Tom Taylorson (so male Ryder)!! Fryda Wolf (female Ryder) read the two others and did a nice job, but man I’m soft for his voice in a way only rivaled by (...outside-of-Overwatch!)Jennifer Hale and Nicholas Boulton haha. He also has a much better handle on the pronunciations and voices for the different alien species -- delightful, I’m still cackling over his pitch perfect elcor impersonation. (Bioware please give him more Scott Ryder to voice I miss my son)

- I’m only about half an hour in and this is already SO much better than Nexus Uprising, it really does feel like a brave new galaxy haha. Very funny, very warm and smart and engaging in how it does its characterization and Valente clearly has affection for the setting and the universe, she and Jemisin both do incredible jobs with these. 

- I’m fucking crying laughing at this cross-species near-brawl over a flower arrangement, god I love Mass Effect SO MUCH (what a neat idea though. something blooming quietly even when no one can see it. impractical as hell and hilariously including a high-nutrition celery now, but still neat)

Taylorson continues to wonderful things with the voices, that volus suit sound is so good. (he’s just generally really good at comedy) also a volus bellowing insults ‘moments before punching an anti-bouquet batarian in the groin’ sdafhjklsahfsjadkhfklajshdfkjlsadhf

- a high as a kite elcor... what a time to be alive, to get to read this book

I have already reached the ‘I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR’ stage with these characters, hard boiled drell detective lady and sweet sweet quarian first officer and manically enthusiastic elcor doctor TOT I would die for any one of you!!!

- The quarian/multispecies ark was built for long-term habitation, potentially over multiple generations. So what you’re telling me is that the quarians are the only ones who fucking thought this through and the rest of the Initiative probably should have listened to the people who’ve essentially been living on arks for ages. Who’d’ve thunk huh lol. (I guess the in-universe explanation is that people like the mysterious benefactor just wanted those arks yeeted to Andromeda ASAP, no time to get fancy in case the Reapers changed up their schedule. Fair enough)

- ;n; petition to let senna have a SAM pls (also uh. how happy do you think the stringently anti-AI quarian pathfinder will be when he finds out about everyone else’s SAMs lol lol lol he’s going to PASS OUT FROM RAGE upon meeting ryder. well he sounds like an asshole, I hope he dies so senna gets a chance)  

- I can’t BELIEVE yorrik is an anti-stratfordianist, i am betRAYED! disgraceful, how can I still love you knowing this (and yet I do he is extremely funny and sweet)!!! (at least his theory is that this so-called ‘shakespeare’ was actually an elcor, which makes it better somehow lol. anything so long as he’s not an oxfordian tbh)

senna and yorrik’s friendship is so good and wholesome 

- I really love the consistent alien POVs in this book, mass effect should indulge in this more -- everyone loves this universe so much, bioware, stop making us squint through a human lense to look at it!!  

- oh of course quarian ‘pirates’ exist, the people who’re thrown out of the fleet must be doing something huh. 

- haven’t written that many notes in a while just because I’m enjoying myself so much, I keep forgetting 

- lfsdkhfsajkldhfskadjhfsjakdfhsdkjfh communist volus!!!! this is not a drill, communist volus! I am completely and utterly charmed by this entire book

- the quarian ancestor VI is so interesting and weirdly touching. senna is adorable (and relatably neurotic lol)

grandma AI smoking T___________T I love everything about this, she’s so cool. the worldbuilding being done around pre-geth revolution rannoch here... exquisite 

- way to make me cry about batarians cat valente ;_______;

- the voice acting is SO FUCKING GOOD! I keep forgetting it’s one dude reading all these characters haha, I caught myself wanting to look up who voiced this dying batarian. (special shoutout that he does so many wonderfully distinct and specific female voices!) 

- haHA I KNEW the quarian VI was a full AI (or near enough that it makes little difference tbh)!!! this fabulous grandma was self aware the entire time b i t c h e s !!!!

- the running joke of borbala’s ‘you need ______? I can make _______ happen’ is SO satisfying hahaha

ooooooh serious femslash vibes!!!! initially I thought batarian ex-crime matriarch was too old for drell PI, but this is undeniable. (I don’t think we actually ever get to know how old annex is, anyway, come to think of it) I guess if asari get to be five times older than everyone else and still fuck freely this isn’t really that weird lol

- “don’t look! it’s not so bad if you don’t look!” ofhsdalfhskldlsfjas oh senna baby boy 

hey qetsi? qetsi both senna and I love grandma liat more than you. stand the fuck down 

- NOOOO GRANDMA LIAT ;______________________________________;

- do you think SAM could meet liat (either ship!liat or just grandma!liat).... and have... a friend ;_________; (a cool laidback friend who isn’t a murderous angaran ai who might very well go the murder suicide sort of friendship route lol) 

anyway I miss SAM a lot and love him??

- yorrik noooooooooooo this is awful everything is bad and terrible I love all of them so much why must senna be sad and watch everything he loves fade away 😭😭😭

“Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood/Clean from my hand?” He realized he’d forgotten to preface the words with an emotion. Now they wouldn’t understand what he meant.

Oh. Oh what a way to drive home the sadness and loneliness of this moment f u c k  (and again the emotion taylorson brings to it jesus cHRIST) 

I’m destroyed over how much senna and yorrik love each other, cross species found family out here wrecking my heart in true mass effect style 

- yorrik is such a great character though. he’d be so easy to make a one-note joke character (like most elcor have been in canon lbr), but there’s nuance and depth and just enough satsifyingly believable alienness there. (I love the staunch elcor ‘you can’t call anything love that hasn’t lasted at least two centuries’ perspective haha) his memories of his childhood and disappointment with his profession and everything... goodnight sweet prince indeed :(

- they went and made elcor hamlet heartbreaking how dare they 

(to be real for a second I think some of the human culture references are a little bit clunky, but the elcor hamlet stuff is perfect. contextualizing a throwaway joke from the original trilogy and giving it emotional depth, helping us see it from the elcor perspective and how frustrating and lonely it is to be so fundamentally not emotionally understood or seen on a level most of the other races are, despite their other differences, even though you have all these feelings and want to communicate... its very good.)   

fun additional fact: both mordin and yorrik have played/wanted to play polonius in a production of hamlet! though I guess mordin is the slightly problematic fave in that duo and yorrik is a sweet melancholic angel who has never done anything wrong in his life, I would say protect him but I guess it’s too late for that D:  

- qetsi giving off some real ophelia vibes here, I wish yorrik was here to see it, he’s the only one who’d properly appreciate it despite it all

- I. am. SO FUCKING HUNGRY for more mass effect after this (well even more so than usual) I’m so hyped!! I love this universe so much! I want a new andromeda game with senna as quarian pathfinder and grandma liat as the ship’s AI and see how they interact with ryder and SAM! (honestly though I feel like senna might be the one who’d translate the most cleanly into a game, I think there’s a lot of potential in him that’s barely being realized towards the end there with his deep righteous rage cutting through his uncertainty. also I just want nice things for him. is that so much to ask. he is a good boy, yorrik was so right.)

- aaaah not just femslash vibes, canonical lesbians, this is not a drill! I can’t wait until they propose... ‘we get shit done together, want to be in good cop/bad cop with me until the day we die y/n?’  

- the ME universe doesn’t feel quite itself without all these ‘background’ species hanging around, I suddenly realize. I dream of an Andromeda sequel with all of them on the board and in play again Y-------Y 

- potential Liat and SAM dynamics are so fucking interesting though! if she becomes/is confirmed as a full AI (all I hope and dream of), you’ll have two artificial intelligences with such different starting points but not that dissimilar goals? Liat was an organic person once who’s looking out for her family even now, and SAM is completely artificial but also intimately tied to and protecting His People. (and pulling a whole lot of symbolic weight re: the strength of familial/interpersonal relationships to boot; he’s the best way alec ryder managed to connect with his children. even though he was dead. because as established alec ryder was a disaster of a person)  

- I enjoyed the loose murder mystery structure of this quite a lot, but that might also be because nexus uprising is so shapeless and meandering by comparison that I’d be relieved by anything else (sorry I’ll stop ragging on NU soon it just. took some hours of my life I can’t get back)  

- jemisin did great stuff for characters already in andromeda (cora, SAM, alec ryder) and valente made me remember just why I love this universe so much and desperately want these aspects brought to andromeda too... and now I’ve exhausted all the fresh mass effect content I had available to me and will sit here consumed with lust for the rest of the time it takes for a new game to be announced thank you and goodbye  

[katlyn1948]

Evading Capture: Chapter 3

Evading Capture

Katlyn1948

Chapter Management

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Chapter 3

: The Failed EscapeSummary:

Arya tries to escape, but something halts her plans.

Notes:

Ya'll are lucky! It usually takes me several weeks to update a WIP, but I'm in a good mood so....and I already have the whole story planned in my head, so alls I gotta do is write it! I am hoping it takes only 6 parts to finish, but it just depends on what my brain wants to add to the chapter as I am writing it. Little inside: I don't plan out my chapters like a normal person. I don't have an outline or anything like that. Nope...I act out all my chapters before I write them. So, let me explain. I literally have full blown conversations with myself as these characters using dialogue. It is how I "plan out" my stories. It sounds weird, I know, but hey it works. I also voice myself doing this and use that dialogue in my stories. Think of it like a script. I say what the character says and then I will also explain what is happening in the scene. Basically I am audiobook script! LOL. Anyway, call me crazy, but it works! So enjoy and as always, happy reading!

Chapter Text

The night was cold; more so than any other night that Arya had ever encountered in the Riverlands. It was a testament to what her family words were; Winter is Coming, and she was sure that it would grow colder as time progressed. This gave her an advantage to those that surrounded her. She had thick blood; that of a wolf and not even this lingering cold would hinder her get away.

She was right to assume that, as the evening drew on, the men around her would begin to divulge in their leather sacks filled with whatever alcohol they could get their hands on. Lem was the first to fall, slumped over a log as his mouth trailed drool down the side of his chin. Next was Anguy with his bow strapped securely to his chest. Hot Pie hardly drank and ounce and could chat the tongue off of anyone, so Arya was please when his eye lids began to droop with sleep. Thoros hummed as he lifted from in front of the fires, drifting towards his horse, and rolled out a dusty old blanket for him to lay his head upon. It took only a few short minutes for Arya to hear the soft snores escape the priest. Beric was the last to fall, trying his best to keep guard of the surroundings, but the lack of sleep and effects of drink finally caught up to the lord, causing him to drift his head back, mouth agape as he slept soundly.

Gendry stayed up, charged with watching the brush around them as well as keeping a studious eye on Arya. So long as he was awake, so would she. No sleep would come to her, so long as she knew on these men were awake.

“You look exhausted.” She observed as she watched Gendry’s head bob with slumber.

“Hmm, I am.” He confirmed.

Arya chuckled, “Then go to sleep. I’m sure Hot Pie could watch the camp. All he has to do is ring out, and you lot will be up within seconds.”

She could see Gendry contemplate the thought and was sure that he would agree to her dubious plan. She prayed to the whatever Gods would listen that he did, so when he reluctantly agreed she let a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Aye, he can, but you must stay beside me.” He rubbed the back of his head with his hand, a slight blush creeping to his face as he did so. Arya’s smiled faltered and her heart suddenly began to race.

“I-I don’t think that’s necessary. I can stay up with Hot Pie, keep on the lookout.” She hastily said.

Gendry groaned as he lifted from his perch just beyond the fire, where the horses were being tied, “Sorry, milady, but no can do. If I sleep, you sleep. Can’t run the risk of you escaping.”

Arya watched as he strode her way, lifting her up from under her arms, until she was standing. He grabbed her upper left arm and guided her to the thick blankets that were laid out earlier in the evening, plopping her down with a thud. She huffed at his roughness and wiggled her hips to try to get the hard ground somewhat comfortable for her slumber. She leaned back, letting her back fall upon the hard ground, turning from where Gendry was walking to wake up Hot Pie.

She couldn’t see their interaction, but she could hear the soft whispers exchanged as Gendry asked Hot Pie to be a look out. His steps were unmistakable as she heard him make his way back to where she was laying. His presence was suddenly evading hers, and although he made sure to keep distance between him, she could feel his heat radiating, making her shift uncomfortably.

Arya couldn’t sleep, not only from her bound hands, but because of the anticipation of her eminent escape. Her mind was awake with ways for her sneak through the camp, all while trying not the wake the band of rebels. Scenario after scenario drifted through her head, each with subsequent consequences if caught. She was sure that her downfall would be the ropes that currently held her wrists in place. With such restrictions, she was sure to lose her balance and hurt some part of her body because she would not be able to break her fall. She tried on multiple occasions throughout the night, to wiggle her wrists free, but that only seemed to cause more harm than good. The action left her wrists raw and bloody, causing her wince in pain every time they chaffed against her skin.

The only other solution to her situation would be to steal the small dagger from Gendry’s side in order to cut herself free, but the action was risky. Arya had no inclination on how deep he slept, or if she would be able to reach the damned dagger in the first place. She knew it was placed on the right side of his hip, which he was currently laying on. She had hoped he would turn sometime in the middle of the night, but he didn’t and all she could do was bore holes into his head with her glaring eyes.

She huffed in frustration and turned so that her back was now facing him. She scanned the dark woods and noticed the slight glow of sunrise trying to break through the horizon. It was morning, and she had spent the better half of her night coming up with stupid plans that were sure to fail.

Watching the sky turn bright colors of yellows and purples, Arya gathered her courage. If she were to escape, she had to do while they were asleep; right before the sun had a full chance to awaken.

Pulling herself up with the sure will of her abdomen, she sat, observing her surroundings once more before jumping to her feet. She managed to keep her balance and even managed not to disturb the sleeping bull beside her. She scanned the forest edge, squinting her eyes to adjust to the low light the sky as emitting, and noticed Hot Pie drifting off to a sound sleep.

With this wonderful revelation, she took her chance.

She took a deep breath and kicked her feet from under herself, propelling them forward into a sprint. She had to be weary of the fallen trees that surrounded her, making sure she didn’t accidently trip over one of them. She darted passed the horses; only giving them a slight wind she brushed by. She was almost home free; away from the camp and away from The Brotherhood. All she had to do was clear the camp and hide herself in the densely wooded areas.

Her heart was pumping and the overwhelming feeling of excitement washed over her body like a blanket. She couldn’t believe that she was nearly there, the taste of freedom on her fingertips. Her footsteps seemed to float as if she was running on air. She made little to no sound, not even the deep breathes that were escaping her small body were enough to wake the sleeping giants. She could see, the line distinguishing the camp from the forest. Just a few more steps and she would be rid of them, but then her feet suddenly halted. Her head thinking about all she left behind.

She didn’t have much, maybe a few breeches and a jerkin. She had a water satchel and rucksack and a few oddities that she would be able to steal along the way. However, what she didn’t have were her reminders. She didn’t have the small piece of cloth ripped from Sansa’s dress. How she would cradle it at night and sniff the fine silk, for it still smelled of her sister. She didn’t have the piece of broken wood from her play sword that she used to train with Syrio, nor her Stark emblem clasp that held her thick cloak together from when she was in the north. She didn’t have Needle. The one thing that she had left of her favorite brother.

All of the small meniscal items were replaceable, but her sentiments were not.

It should feel stupid to her that simple little things left a huge impact of her life that she couldn’t leave them. They were costing her freedom, yet she had to go back. She would rather be a hostage than to even think about losing those close items. So, with a deep sigh, she turned on her heel and began to trudge her way back to the camp. She was no more than two steps in when she saw a large brooding body come barreling at her like a runaway horse.

His body collided with hers and they both went tumbling down to the ground, rolling a few good feet before halting. She struggled in his grasp, trying to wiggle her way free, but it seemed useless. He was bigger and stronger than she was and she would expel most of her energy if she tried to escape his unruly grasp.

“Will you let me go, you insufferable man!” She wailed.

“Stop trying to escape and maybe I will.” He huffed as he tried to still her thrashing body. His arms were square around her body and Arya could feel the tickle of his ragged breath on her ears. Taking the opportunity, she threw her head back, hearing the familiar crack as she did so. Gendry yelped in pain and released one of his arms from around her, giving Arya the room to escape his grasp. She turned in his arm and brought her knee to his groan, for good measure, causing him to yell in discomfort.

Rolling from him, she picked herself up and glanced down and the withering man. She couldn’t help but smirk at the way he had one hand clutching his nose and the other clutching his groan.

“Serves you right for tackling me like that!” She spat.

“What in the name of seven hells is going on here?” Beric inquired. Arya turned her head to notice the band of men making their way to where they were. She took several steps back from Gendry, allowing Anguy to grasp her upper arm so that she wouldn’t run off once more.

“Fuck! I think she broke my nose!” Gendry’s hand still covered his face, muffling his response.

“Good, I think you’ll look better with a crooked nose, anyway.” She grumbled.

Beric bent down to where Gendry was laying and swatted his hand away. He pinched the bridge of Gendry’s nose and bent it back into shape, not giving any warning to the young man as he did so.

“It’ll be fine.” He assured Gendry. Beric stood and turned his head towards Arya. “Now, please someone tell me what happened!”

She winced at the severity of his voice, and it reminded her of when her father used to reprimand her for doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing.

“I-I had to take a piss, so I decided to do it at the edge of the camp. I didn’t want you all to see me!” She lied smoothly. Sometimes it scared her at how easily she could do it.

“And what about him?” He motioned to where Gendry was sitting.

“I’m walking back to camp, when I see this bull of a man hurl my way! Next thing I know, I’m on the ground trying to get away.”

“I thought you were escaping!” He countered.

Arya shook her head, “And how do you supposed I do that? My hands are bound, idiot.”

Beric sighed, “Look, it was a misunderstanding. Let’s all just get back to camp so we can pack up and leave. Anguy, change her ties, their rubbing her raw and Gendry, try not to get your arse kicked by a girl next time.”

Arya watched as Beric walked back to camp. She was guided by Anguy and gave Gendry a smug smirk as she passed.

“You’ll pay for this.” He grumbled as he pointed to his nose.

Arya shrugged, “We’ll see.”

[mautadite]

march book round up

hey march fucking sucked and april is probably going to continue to do so but hey i read 15 books!!! i haven’t been in the mood to write my usual book by book round up (this is already 5 days late) but i’ll make a stab at it now.

a hundred little lies - jon wilson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ m/m romance in the wild west! about a single father who has tried hard to put his criminal past behind him, until his old lover/partner in crime comes moseying into town. this had some really creative story telling and writing that really made the characters shine! i usually don’t like ‘old love rekindled’ type romances but this was so good.

the ghost slept over - marhsall thornton ⭐️⭐️⭐️ m/m romcom type romance about a guy whose ex dies and leaves him a boat load of money. he starts developing feelings for his ex’s lawyer but oh no! his ex’s ghost is haunting him lol. this was cute, pretty funny (which is something thornton does consistently well). but the wider plot was kinda meh, some of the jokes were dumb, and the ending was weak. good overall, i’d say. 

the a.i. who loved me - alyssa cole ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ really adorable and creative romance in a future scifi world between a taxi driver recovering from a traumatic accident and her new cyborg neighbour. it was a good mix of lighthearted and serious scifi world-building, and i loved all the twists. it was the first full-cast audiobook iv’e ever listened to, and i liked it for the most part.

the is how you lose the time war - amal el mohtar & max gladstone ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f scifi enemies to lovers romance during wartime, and i fucking loved it. beautiful beautiful writing. a lot of stylistic turns of phrases and symbolism, and i feel like... i don’t know, this could have easily NOT worked for me, but it really really did. i loved these characters and their story and how it was written.

untouchable - talia hibbert ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ i don’t read a lot of m/f romance but talia hibbert is quickly becoming my go-to. she’s SO GOOD. a single father of two comes back to his hometown, and hires a childhood acquaintance as his nanny. all the usual sparks fly. the beauty of this isn’t in the plot, it’s in the characters, their unique personalities and problems, and how it’s so easy to see yourself in them. i over how she writes about black women and mental illness, it’s so so good, and so real.

the winter duke - claire eliza bartlett ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ political intrigue, a far flung icy kingdom, a terrible murderous family and the girl who suddenly becomes the ruler. this took a while for me to warm up to it; i usually don’t like court politics and stuff in books, it’s not where my heart is. but the mystery and romance really made this pick up for me (cute f/f teen stuff). 

that kind of guy - talia hibbert ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ more great romance from hibbert, this time friends to lovers who have to pretend to date. also there’s only one bed. GREAT TROPES. one’s a 40 year old woman who’s recovering from the emotional abuse of her mother and ex-husband, the other’s the former village bicycle who’s coming to terms with his demisexuality. really great characters and a wonderful story.

the spectred isle - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1920s paranormal m/m romance, post-war, lots of feelings and magic, and a great opposites attract, sorta-enemies to lovers. these characters gave me a lot of good mushy feelings.

the prisoner of zenda - anthony hope ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ very charming, sharp and witty, which i usually don’t look for in 19th adventure century novels. it was pretty funny. i really liked the villains, and my favourite quote is about one of them:  For my part, if a man must needs be a knave, I would have him a debonair knave. [...] It makes your sin no worse, as I conceive, to do it a la mode and stylishly.

the henchmen of zenda - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ an m/m retelling of the above book, which tbh i only read because i wanted to read this one. lots of adventure and excitement, “villain” pov. it’s not quite romance, but there was a lot of affection and friendship and it was honestly just a good time.

a memory called empire - arkady martine ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I FUCKING LOVED THIS. science fiction, languages, linguistics, imperialism, queer characters... there was just SO much good in this, so much wonderful world building, so richly written and delivered. and it was just... idk, at once very new, but also reminiscent of all the things i love about scifi. the identity porn was GREAT, as was the peripheral f/f romance. this might be my fave book so far this year.

a charm of magpies series - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ re-read. i read this series last year and really really enjoyed it, and felt into the mood for a revisit. i really love these characters ;;

red, white and royal blue - casey mcquiston ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the cute m/m romance everyone was talking about last year, between the president’s son and a fake prince of england. it definitely lived up to the hype. i can go either way on stories involving royals and rich people, it’s very easy to annoy me with it, but this book did a good job of humanising the characters and making them relatable.

and that’s it for march. i’m already four books deep into april, trying to read a lot of lesbian romance because it’s the number one soul soother and after the march i’ve had, i need it. i’m pretty fortunate in this my job hasn’t been interrupted, and i’m working from home, and i should still have a goodly amount of reading time. stay safe out there guys. <3

[lordeasriel]

Ok, I’ve read chapters 1-11 of The Secret Commonwealth and this is my set of impressions so far. I’m using the audiobook, which is wonderful and I recommend it! Under the cut for spoilery reasons:

First and foremost, the audiobook: Michael Sheen is A-MA-ZING! And because he did La Belle Sauvage too, lots of voices are recognisable and I love it. Pan sounds a lot like young Malcolm, but less sweet and more sharp and snappish and it’s beautiful. Marcel has hints of Bonneville = Papadimitriou aka disgustingly smooth but scholary and witty. Lyra sounds amazing; Alice and Hannah have the same voices as they did in LBS (i love you michael for this). Malcolm has a mix of Coram’s voice and Asriel’s voice, he sounds worldly and sexy scholarly at the same time, I love it! Olivier sounds like a lil bitch.

I love the part where Lyra is telling Miriam about her origin story and it’s added that she wasn’t sure about the horse, but she liked it. She won’t give up on the romantic vibes of Asriel saving her, first the swordfight, now a horse lmao;

“I saw someone being mudered” Pantalaimon no chills lmao I love this adult Pan, he is so special to me, but then again I always loved him and his grumpy mood.

The Hyperchorasmians: this was such a wild moment, I laughed out loud and was like “is this a self meta?” but someone did brought to my attention it may be a self parody, I love it regardless.

Pantalaimon saying "I do exist (...) we exist” and so on, was really powerful, because it feels like a horrible existential crisis and I get his anger with Lyra and I feel his entitled to it. Right now, they’re struggling with their sense of self, yet they are one, and while Lyra finds that concept interesting, Pan is afraid because the same concept suggests he ain’t even real. In our world, our existential crisis consists of asking “do i exist or not?” but in Lyra’s world, is like asking if only a part of you is real and that’s bloody horrible to even think about.

I love how smoothly Pullman retconned Alice’s age, in “Lyra now thought she wasn’t as old as she first thought” like yeah my man, nice try, but I see through the lies of the jedi your retcon, yet I love it all the same lmao I’m glad she’s alive and well.

I love that remark of Lyra having learned how to charm people and manipulate information out of them with her wits and small talk. That’s such a Marisa trait, at least as I always perceived her and it really made be bubbly and cheerful as I noticed that.

I also noticed how Lyra refers to Asriel either by his name or as Lord Asriel, and she still refers to Marisa as Mrs. Coulter, although she acknowledges them as father and mother when other people refer to them that way. I’m a little sad she doesn’t refer to them as mom and dad, but then again i feel like they never earned that treatment from her and I get it.

Pan suggesting Malcolm and Alice may be lovers and Lyra stares at him then ignores him because the mere thought of it it’s inconceivable LMAO

Lyra remembering Asriel’s moonlight walk with her was too much for me, that’s as emotional as I’m gonna get. It really made me sad that Asriel was living hand to mouth and that he left her nothing; to think that his most recent luxury was his house arrest on Svalbard is, well, sad.

On a happier note, Dr Carne supporting Lyra is my favourite thing. He cared enough about her to actually give her a home and support, and I think people should respect him more. This guy is the father Lyra had, however quirky the entire situation was and I have an immense love for this character.

Oh my God, I cannot believe they kept Lyra in the dark for so long. She is so fucking clueless about everything! What is wrong with those people? Tell the girl everything for fuck’s sake! The moment she snapped I snapped too; for fuck’s sake, she should have known about that stuff the moment she came back from the other worlds. Also, the fact she does not know about Asriel and Marisa is infuriating, but that one I can forgive because they kinda did threw themselves into a fucking void and didn’t wanr anyone about it, so...

HOW THE FUCK IS THE MAGISTERIUM STILL STRONG???? I am so fucking angry! I can understand why it takes a long time for them to dissolve entirely, but they are still strong and influential and Asriel’s war was for absolutely nothing. He and Marisa died for nothing, everyone that died there died for nothing and I am so angry because I hate theocracies with every fiber of my fucking being and I AM SO FUCKING SMAD;

Lyra does mention “the witches of the north” and that got me thinking that there may be more types of witches around the world and that not all of them have split daemons. But I don’t know, just a thought.

I only read 11 chapters, but so far I am 95% percent sure Lyra and Olivier are going to end up together by the end of the third book. I will not elaborate on this now since I have very little to go on with, but I will speak more as I read more. I do not approve of this, but I fear this may be the route Sir Phil is going for. I hope I am wrong.

Malcolm’s description of his feelings for Lyra are creepy and cringe. If he only, I don’t know, “discovered” his feelings for her recently, I could overlook it with a certain frown, but he’s been having those weird ass feelings since she was his student and a minor and that’s creepy, to say the least. I know he acknowledges that what he felt wrong was wrong and weird, and wow, thank god, but the fact he indulges himself on those feelings now that she’s older is weird. I feel like Pullman is deceiving us, I’m just not sure. I love Malcolm, I do, and I am slightly attracted to him now lmaoooo but no, you see? No. Not okay, but as I said before, I don’t think they’re ending up together. I hope I am right.

Also the way Pullman describes it lmaoooo “Malcolm Polstead, age 31, was in love with Lyra” or something like that. It was so funny, I felt like I was read a very well-written fanfiction that suddenly the author had a stroke and wrote as if they’re 12 and in love. It was very cringe, I don’t know, I was embarassed on Malcolm’s behalf.

I really love that Oakley Street is still going strong, sort of lol and that Malcolm is now a member and I hope we get to see more of them. I love spies and I love Oakley Street and I’m sad Nugent is dead.

Makepeace referring to Pan as “my boy” warms my heart because it shows the daemons’ treatment we should see and treat them: they are people and they have feelings and they exist and should be acknowledged. I just cherish the whole conflict between Lyra and Pan because this is what it feels so far: the struggle of being who they are and the pain that comes with it.

I have an unpopular opinion here, but I love the relationship between Pan and Lyra; I love their banter, their fight, their anger with each other. It feels right, although I am sad that they are fighting a lot because of the existence business, I think Lyra is really being inconsiderate with Pan. But, I think their constant disagreement is in-character; they always disagreed with each other, they always were very different from each other, so I love that they struggle with that, it’s just sad that they’re bordering on self-loathing and they need to work on that. I want them to find the spark of love they had, but not to the point where they are clingy again; they’re people and they’re different and they are the same person, so they need to come to terms with that. It really hurt me when Pan had to yell that he exists, that hit so close to home and I don’t know, I felt speechless for a moment.

Pan saying: “You are in a world full of colour, and you wanna see it in black and white” was a powerful. I really appreciate how that argument was handled. It’s beautiful and sad and painful to listen, there’s so much emotion in Lyra.

Back to Malcolm, I think that Pullman is going for a weird route here, not gonna lie. But so far I think that Malcolm’s awareness of its weirdness is alright, I think and as long as he never acts on his feelings, we’re gonna be fine. I want Lyra to end her story alone and with a healthy relationship with Pantalaimon, because that’s what really matters in life.

Now, more Oakley Street: I’m sorry but Glenys Godwin is awesome and I am so happy that a woman is the head of my favourite spy organisation, thank you sir phil for this gift. I love her and her daemon, and that OS is a bit stronger than before. RIP Lord Nugent, thank you for your service, you ruthless bastard.

I do not trust that priest tho; I think it’s cool and stuff, but I just dont trust religious figures in general lmao i hope he is not a traitor.

I don’t know what is wrong with Marcel, but I like him cause he’s clever but I hate him cause he’s a Magisterium bitch. I had the spoiler that he is Seasea’s brother, I had this theory that maybe they’re twins, but so far it hasn’t been mentioned and I am horribly curious. I wonder, did he changed his name? Did Marisa change her name? I thought van zee was canon tbh

Giorgio Brabandt is a man, my friends, and what a man he is. He is AWESOME. I loved him immediately. I love the gyptians in general.

What the heck is happening to those roses?

[thysurveys]

783.

Have you ever talked to someone online, but when you saw each other in person, it was just super awkward? Have you ever made a really good friend online? I am an awkward person, so yes. We never became really good friends.  Do you enter sweepstakes or scratch lottery tickets or anything like that? What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? Nope.

Right now, would you be upset if you got pregnant, or would you not mind? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? No. I would be extremely thrilled. We’ve been trying for a year plus now. And yes, I’ve had a pregnancy scare when I was a lot younger than what I am now.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? Yep.

Do you have any weird inside jokes? Yeah.

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? I could if I really tried, and I will.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? Nope. The opposite at the moment, actually.

Do you have alcohol in your house? Mhm.

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? Yeah, of course.

Are you a morning or night person? I would say night. But I work real early mornings most days, so I don’t stay up too late anymore.

What is your favorite color? I don’t really have a “favourite”. 

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? It would be more than likely an emergency from a family member. No one calls me that late, ever.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? Of course.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? Possibly. I can’t think of anything though.

Are any of your friends virgins? Yeah.

Has anyone got on your nerves today? Nope. I’ve been pretty okay today, so I’m happy.  

Has anyone told you they would never leave, and left? Yep.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yep.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? Yes. Both.

Are you usually early or late? Early.

What’s annoying you? I have a headache. :(

Do you have anything to pay off? Yep.

What are you wearing right now? A long cardigan, leggings and a stripped shirt.

Do you know anyone that wants you dead? Probably.

Do you believe that regrets are lessons learned? Of course.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. I was going to say cyan, but is it? I don’t know.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? My laptop, my phone. Kevin’s phone. Kevin’s watch.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? Kevin has a PS3 and PS4.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? I’ve never really had a “best” job, but the one I have is currently my favourite.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Working at Video Ezy. 

What email service do you use? Outlook.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? Yeah.  

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? I actually thought about that today and the only memory that came to mind was when my cousin took me to a market and I remember being really sleepy and being pushed around in a pram.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? I don’t even know if I had anything. I may have. I don’t remember. How often do you brush your teeth? At least once a day. Usually twice.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? Bueno. 

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? Just my survey and personal blog.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? No idea. I just ate not too long ago, so I’m okay.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? Nothing really.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? I’m half lying down, half sitting up on my bed.

Do you wear much jewelry? Just a necklace Kevin brought me, and earrings.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? America.

How many times have you moved houses? Plenty of times.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? It was a receptionist from the hospital.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? Yeah, of course.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? Yep.

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? Kevin.

Which friend are you most similar to? I feel like Georgia and I can be similar, but at the same time we’re very different. I’m different to a lot of my friends.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? I’m good, thanks. Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? Nope.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? Yeah.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? Nope. I have a boyfriend.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? Either or. I think it would be fun either way. Maybe camping. I don’t know.

Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name starts with P, J, R, M, C, or D? R, M and C.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? Nope.

Where would you rather live: England or Australia? I live in Australia and I can’t imagine ever living outside of my country. So Australia.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? He’s a friend.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Gross.

Do you fall for people easily? I can get attached very easily, so. There you go.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? Nope.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? Yeah.

The nearest window to you now - what color curtains are on them? Pink.

The shade of the color of your eyes can be described as: I don’t know. They’re green, sometimes blue. I don’t know.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? A few days ago.

At what age did you stop believing in Santa? Fairly young, I think.

Do you own a wok? No.

Is there a particular type of music you really don’t like? Not really a fan of country music. 

Do you like going to weddings? Depends.

What do you have on your toast? Butter and Vegemite, lol.

Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? An old friend of mine. 

Beach, city, or mountains? All of the above. More beach and mountains though.

Do you have a stapler at your house? Mhm.

Would you rather read a book or listen to an audiobook? Read.

Which is larger - your book or dvd collection? Book.

What is the last spontaneous thing you did? I won’t write that here. Bit personal.

What is your middle name? Ann.

What are you passionate about? I don’t know if I am even passionate about anything. I don’t know if you would regard this as passionate, but I always try and make people feel wanted and understood. I like making people happy.

Do you have any fears? For sure.

What’s your sign? Aries.

Future names of your children: I don’t know yet. Kev and I have a few favourites. For example, Luca, Nolan, Elise, Eloise.

What are you listening to right now? Tyga.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? I do actually.

What are your career goals? I don’t fucking know anymore.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? Mm. I guess you could say that?

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? Both.

TV shows and anime you watch regularly. I don’t watch any anime. I watch OITB as of lately since the new season came out.

Halloween costume idea for this year? I don’t do Halloween.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? I don’t go into great detail about my sex life, but she knows Kevin and I are trying for a baby, so there’s that.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? I do actually.

Do you worry about gaining weight? Mhm. 

Have you ever used fake tan? Yep.

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? Nope.

How many times have you been to Walmart in the past week? Like, zero. We don’t have one here.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? A house.

Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? I can be if I really want to be. I like my space. But then again, I like being around certain people too.

Are any of your siblings married? Nope. I’ll more than likely be the first.

[rigelmejo]

I’ve talked about listening reading method before. And i’m bringing it up again lol! for 2 reasons - first, i found a very nice practical article on it today (skip to the LAST section to just click this ToT), and second because i’m finally in the Mood to l-r Guardian again so i’m gonna see how many chapters i can do today.

A quick summary - what is the listening reading method?

It’s primary goal: acquire vocabulary and grammar over time, also improve listening comprehension. 

You may also improve reading comprehension to an extent, but not necessarily - reading comprehension is highly dependent on how much you read the text in your target language (like if you have a parallel text and look at the target language often), if you do step 2 AGAIN after step 3, etc. Since using the text IN the target language is optional, your reading comprehension improvement is also optional.

*I personally think the activities that help reading comprehension most (that are adjacent to the activities in l-r method) are: doing step 2 AFTER step 3, or simply reading the target language text after either step 1 or step 3 (so reading the target language text after you’ve just seen the english text and have context). I often read a translation, then go and read the chinese version a few hours after, and my ability to pick up new words/follow along is MUCH easier than if i’d just read the chinese with no context. It should be noted either of these activities can be done on their own, so again its more ‘listening reading method’ adjacent rather than actually part of the method. The method is primarily listening comprehension.

What you do:

3 steps, and all of them are optional except for step 3. I do however recommend steps 1 and 2 if you have never read the novel you use before. Or if you’re new to studying the language and aren’t used to the sound of it/word boundaries yet. You will need: a novel translated into a language you understand, that same novel in your target language, audiobook in the target language. The novel can be a parallel text if you’re lucky enough to find a combined text.  

Notes: you will have a much easier time if the audiobook MATCHES the text! Especially matches the paragraphs (no paragraphs omitted in the audiobook) and ends chapters in the same places the text ends chapters. LOTS of cnovels have audiobooks which will omit paragraphs, or end audio ‘chapters’ in random places... this requires you to focus a lot harder on keeping the audio and text aligned. Its still useable, but you will feel way less exhausted if you can just find audio that reasonably matches the text (at LEAST that matches each paragraph without cutting anything... you can mark when it ends yourself if the chapter ends aren’t the same, but suddenly missing paragraphs sucks).

Step 1: (optional) read the novel in a language you understand (for me that’s english). This step is so you have context/familiarity. If you use a novel you already know/love, skip this. This can be skipped period, but if its a new novel to you then you may find step 3 more difficult.

Step 2: (optional) listen to the target language audio while following along with the target language text. Your goal is primarily to get familiar with the sounds of the language, and word boundaries. Once you are comfortable with following along to this speed of speaking, and recognizing word and phrase boundaries, you can stop doing this step. At this step learning new words is not necessary - although if you’re an intermediate learner you MAY pick up some new words and if that happens feel free to KEEP doing this step as long as its helpful. (Alternatively - you can continue doing this step, put it after step 3 at that point, and use it to match words you recently learned the SOUND of in step 3 and then match them to the spelling/hanzi/kana etc with the help of the target language text).

 Step 3: (mandatory) listen to the target language audio while following along with the translation in a language you fully understand. So basically, listening to the novel target language audiobook with a translated transcript. It is important at this step to focus ON the audio. You are attempting to comprehend the audio. You look at the english (or whatever language you comprehend) text to KEEP your place in the audio. You look at the text to lookup any unknown words/phrases etc that you hear. You are not reading the english text with the audio in the background. You need to pay attention TO the audio. You are using the english text to fill in the gaps of your understanding - to look up meanings in real time, and hopefully hear new words+see their meanings constantly enough that you start picking up new words. Your english text is to ensure you can look up any part of a sentence you don’t understand, that you can follow along with the meaning of the audiobook as you listen. Over time, you will pick up more and more. 

---

You can continue to do this for hundreds of hours. Get through a novel completely - you may wish to do the same novel again 2-3 times, until there’s no more that you are picking up from it. Or you might chose to move onto another novel. There’s no major drawback i can see to jumping between novels either - if you’d like to just do segments of multiple. However, since authors usually use their own preferred vocabulary, you will most likely have MORE vocabulary/phrase repetition if you stick with one author for a few dozen hours - and the repetition will help you really learn it. With basic vocabulary, any text will likely give you enough repetition to learn them. But if you want to learn genre specific words, or author specific words, or just words used less often... sticking to one novel for a WHILE will likely give you more repetition to pick them up. (Just like intensively or extensively reading ONE novel all the way through will help you pick up a lot more author specific words, versus reading only a few chapters before moving onto a new author).

Once you can listen to the audiobook without the text, and understand it and follow along well, you may want to move onto another novel. If you want to test yourself - pick another novel of the same difficulty or slightly easier, listen to that audiobook on its own, and if you can understand it fine without any text to look up the unknown parts, then you’ve reached a ‘natural listening’ stage. The creator of this method says this usually took them a few novels before they’d get to this point. I haven’t lol so i’ll let you know if i do. I’m still at the ‘can do step 3 basically as long as it keeps benefiting me.’ 

So at the minimum, the process is - be familiar with the text already (step 1 if you need it), be familiar with the sounds of the language/listening to it spoken (step 2 if you need it), then listen to the target language audiobook while following along with a translation in a language you fully understand. Focusing on the audio and attempting to understand as much as possible, using the text as reference to help you. As you follow along, you can use that translation to learn new words/phrases, get an understanding of the grammar you hear, and continue picking things up until eventually you can understand the audiobook on its own. 

*It should be noted, the original creator of this method would do L-R for 6-10 hours a day, and would do a novel for 50-100 hours. They would intensively study. They aimed to use longer novels as that gave them more study material/study hours (if you’re learning chinese we have ample long novels to pick). So expect noticeable progress in 20 hours, 50 hours, etc. Not in 2. Study in general is like this anyway - we don’t see noticeable language learning progress doing anything in like 2 hours pretty much. But its just something to keep in mind - even if you do L-R a novel intensively and finish one within a couple weeks or a month, you should still expect that it will take a lot of hours. Look at how long the audiobook is, and then know if you do step 1 and 2 it will take 2 or 3 times as long as that audiobook is. 

Guardian is 106 chapters (before the extras), with roughly 20 minute audio files per chapter of audiobook - so it will take 2120 minutes, or 35.33 hours to do step 3 (assuming I don’t lose my spot in the text). Step 2 will also take 35.33 hours in a best case scenario. Step 1 will probably take me 17 hours on a BEST case scenario if I read at my fastest, which I might not. So to finish L-R Guardian it will take me 87.66 hours... or 52.33 hours if i just completely skip step 2 (since i already can hear word boundaries/have some basic listening comprehension). So... Listening Reading method is time consuming. A benefit might be - you get to do study hours spent reading/experiencing a cool audiobook, and getting to engage with the original novel and translation. If you were going to do that in your free time in some way anyway, then using it to study can be fun. And unlike trying to get 50 hours of another study method in, if you are a serious reader/you can keep your attention focused? You could probably get these 50 hours done within couple weeks or a month - just like how when you get interested in a novel you can read it in a few days/weeks. Which is definitely a sweet thing if you can get focused on L-R that much... definitely more hours spent studying per month compared to when i intensively read (i spend maybe 12 hours intensively reading a month when i’m reading a lot).

The person who initially did Listening Reading Method would do 100-200 hours, would go through novels 2-3 times then move onto another, and would do it intensively in the span of weeks and a few months. They made very fast improvements - but hours spent wise, it makes a lot of sense. Its a ‘fast’ way to learn a lot, in the sense you can do it intensively in a short period of days/weeks. But the hours spent is still gonna be a LOT. 

And you can also... just be lazy. I’m lazy. ToT You can also just do L-R as desired. I maybe do it once or twice a week. Or maybe 4 chapters every couple weeks lol. I certainly don’t do it intensively over a consistent period. (That said, i think you will probably pick up more things, more Quickly, if you study daily with this method using the same novel - since repetition helps you remember things and pick them up). I’ve done maybe 12 hours of listening reading overall, using a few different novels (so no significant chunk of any of them). I already noticed immediate benefit from doing it. If you’re a mid-beginner+, and already know words through reading? Simply doing the L-R activity helps with listening comprehension skills immediately. While I pick up new words/phrases, its definitely the slower thing I notice. The quickest thing I notice improvement in, is how much BETTER I know all the words I ‘kind of’ knew before from reading alone. Now I have much better instant listening recognition of words, have much better instinctive idea of how ‘phrases’ should sound in listening when people actually speak - the way they flow, how to immediately recognize them. That’s improved my overall listening comprehension to audiobooks, shows, people speaking. Also its improved my reading comprehension - I can now zoom through reading phrases because I recognize them as full chunks, I can now zoom ‘internally sound out what i’m reading’ faster and that causes me to stumble less when I’m reading to myself. All these benefits i noticed as early as like 6 hours into L-R. I also do notice myself picking up a few new words, but I imagine that will happen more once I am done ‘fully’ picking up words I already half knew. I also, again, think if I L-R more regularly, I would notice myself picking up completely new things at a faster rate (because they’d quickly also become ‘partly learned from that initial exposure’ then reinforced over and over). Anyway my point is - if you already have SOME comprehension of the language you’re studying, L-R can within a short amount of time help you improve your listening comprehension of things you already ‘know’ or ‘partly know.’ While picking up new stuff will also happen, I do think that will take longer (and I think beginners are most likely to notice rapid ‘completely new stuff’ pick up since they don’t have material ‘half learned’ bouncing around like I do lol).

This is the original Listening Reading Method article which is long and so, I understand if you just skim it lol: http://users.bestweb.net/~siom/martian_mountain/!%20L-R%20the%20most%20important%20passages.htm

---

Like I said, you can do a lot of variations on it lol. Doing step 2 alone and TRYING to learn word meanings could be very useful if you’re already an intermediate learner and just need to learn Spellings of words you know by sound, or you can understand the meaning of words in context (so you don’t need another language translation to know the meaning of a word). Doing step 2 After step 3 i think is pretty beneficial if you WANT to also work on reading comprehension for the new words/things you learn. (Or just reading the text in the target language, after doing step 3 since you will have the context/meaning fresh in your mind).

---

Finally, this is the article I read on using the Listening Reading Method for languages very unfamiliar to you. I find a lot of its explanations very to the point and clear: http://users.bestweb.net/~siom/martian_mountain/!L-R/lr_for_grasshoppers.html

[surveysonfleek]

1003.

Have you ever talked to someone online, but when you saw each other in person, it was just super awkward? Have you ever made a really good friend online? eh, not really. everyone i’ve ever ‘met’ online have been a mutual friend so usually that friend just introduces us in person. there’s been awkward moments but nothing terrible.

Do you enter sweepstakes or scratch lottery tickets or anything like that? What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? i once won a meat tray during this raffle at a local bar hahaha. played the lotto once, didn’t win.

Right now, would you be upset if you got pregnant, or would you not mind? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? i’d be incredibly scared and confused because i’m in no way shape or form ready to be a mother but i’d definitely keep it. yes, i’ve had scares before, mostly from paranoia.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? i sure have.

Do you have any weird inside jokes? i have many with my boyfriend and friends.

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? i’d have to prepare for it, but probably. that’s what i’m aiming for.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? me.

Do you have alcohol in your house? yes.

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? of course. hasn’t everyone?

Are you a morning or night person? night.

What is your favorite color? turquoise.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? no idea. my boyfriend most likely.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? yes.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? yes.

Are any of your friends virgins? not that i know of tbh.

Do you prefer relationships or friends with benefits? relationships.

Has anyone got on your nerves today? no.

Has anyone told you they would never leave, and left? no.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yes.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yes.

Are you usually early or late? early or on time.

What’s annoying you? just life right now.

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? he’s good. he just went to sleep in his home.

Do you have anything to pay off? yes.

What are you wearing right now? pyjamas.

Do you know anyone that wants you dead? no.

Do you believe that regrets are lessons learned? yeah i guess.

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them? my boyfriend through imessage.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. purple.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? phone, laptop, lamp.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? xbox one.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? probably the one i have now financially even though i hate it.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? ally for sure. so boring.

What email service do you use? gmail and hotmail.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? just a corkboard with different things i’ve collected over the years.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? being at a zoo.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? vietnamese food.

How often do you brush your teeth? at least once a day.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? kit kat i think. or crispy m&ms.

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? yeah i have a ‘main’ tumblr which i don’t use ever.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? if anything was accessible, probably sushi.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? lol none.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? lying on my back in bed.

Do you wear much jewelry? a few bits and pieces.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? barcelona.

How many times have you moved houses? i’ve lived in three different homes. this one now since 1999.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? work.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? yes.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yes.

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? i forgot. probably myself.

Do your computer speakers work? yes.

Which friend are you most similar to? irene maybe. but kinda not.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? no.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? no.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? no.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? yes.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? hotel for sure lol.

Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name starts with P, J, R, M, C, or D? yes.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? i wouldn’t mind but he’s at home.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? no.

Where would you rather live: England or Australia? i already live in australia. i don’t think i’d live in england tbh.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? boyfriend.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? why do i have a pimple?

Do you fall for people easily? no.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? no.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? yes.

The nearest window to you now - what color curtains are on them? grey.

The shade of the color of your eyes can be described as: dark brown.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? over a week ago.

At what age did you stop believing in Santa? maybe 5.

Do you own a wok? yes.

Is there a particular type of music you really don’t like? yeah, not a fan of country.

Do you like going to weddings? yes!

What do you have on your toast? nutella.

Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? marie.

Beach, city, or mountains? i’d like to try have a getaway near mountains.

Do you have a stapler at your house? yes.

Would you rather read a book or listen to an audiobook? read.

Which is larger - your book or dvd collection? book.

What is the last spontaneous thing you did? idk.

You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is: who the fuck?

What is your middle name? rather not say.

What are you passionate about? traveling.

Do you have any fears? losing loved ones, cockroaches, driving to places i’m not familiar with.

Where are you from? sydney.

What’s your sign? sagittarius.

Future names of your children: not sure yet!

What are you listening to right now? nothing.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? kinda.

What are your career goals? not entirely sure. looking to change my entire field right now.

Something you are working on right now: looking for a new job.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? no.

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? i’m in between. i’ll do half straight away and the other half last minute.

TV shows and anime you watch regularly. i don’t watch anime. as for shows i’ve been watching atlanta, westworld, handmaid’s tale, rpdr and masterchef.

Halloween costume idea for this year? no idea.

Your best friend’s name. irene.

Do you prefer liquid, mousse, or powder foundation? Why? liquid. it just looks more seamless.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? yes.

Do you worry about gaining weight? yes.

Have you ever used fake tan? only once. not nice.

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? no.

How many times have you been to Walmart in the past week? i haven’t.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? house.

Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? i like being alone but i’m not always a loner.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? no.

Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? no.

What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now? turquoise and grey.

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? no.

Do you have any siblings who still believe in Santa, and are over age ten? no.

What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? white and it came with my phone.

Are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? yes.

What did you do yesterday? went out for mother’s day.

Something you really want right now? sleep.

If you could seek revenge on someone, would you? no.

How long have you liked the person you like? many many years.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? no.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? yes.

Are you happy with the way things are going? no.

Would you ever get a tattoo? no.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? yes.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? my boyfriend.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? working.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? nope.

What happened at 9:00 a.m. today? nothing.

Where are your biological parents? sleeping.

Do you have any summer plans yet? no.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? yes.

What did you last drink? water.

Do you have trust issues? no.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? eh, maybe. we’ll see at the end of the year.

What are you doing? this.

Are you a jealous person? no.

Do you think age matters in relationships? to an extent.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? my boyfriend.

Did you sing at all today? nah.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? in bed.

Are there any stressful situations in your life? yes.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? they’re never chapped, i can’t stand the feeling of dry lips so i take chapstick everywhere with me.

[bentchcreates]

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli 

#YAWeeks over but my latest read is this! LOL. I’m actually *cheating* because I technically started this last month in an attempt to knock me out of the reading slump but it took a while for me to warm up to this.

Now, maybe it’s because of my moods™ that’s why I found the start slow and I was annoyed that there were too many characters, but oh my god, when I got past 9% of it and got back to it (at 3am today, true story), it was a breeze!

I loved Simon’s POV. I’m usually iffy with first-person-present, but when the pace picked up, I couldn’t put it down. Simon is funny and insightful and well, all too normal, which is both refreshing and a relief. I haven’t read YA contemporary in a while and this reminded me of why I liked it so much in the past.

I loved the idea of the emails, the epistolary parts of the book bore amazing depth to “Blue” and “Jacques”, and the added mystery subplot of the whole thing was super enjoyable. I kind of knew who Blue was before the clues were obvious, but maybe that’s just because I’m a lot older than the target demographic. It didn’t take away the satisfaction for the final reveal, though, and actually, when Blue finally showed up as his true self, I was left grinning uncontrollably at a medical clinic’s waiting area this morning. Heehee!

I also liked how this book dealt with the heavier themes. The coming out parts, the whole trouble with Martin, and then Leah, and then Abby towards the end. I liked how a well-meaning and well-loved character like Simon could mess up the way he did - hurt his friends without really meaning to, esp. Leah! Argh! - and still come out of it changed, but fine, without compromising any of the characterization. People who made mistakes had to ask for forgiveness, and people who got hurt had to reconcile that things like that had to happen because that’s the truth of life. Everything changes.

I have so many things I liked about this book and i could talk about it all night!!! I can’t wait to go and finally see the movie. But I’ll wait for a couple of weeks before I do, I think. Everything’s so fresh right now and I don’t want to be disappointed when the movie changes all the parts I love about it. LOL

*my Kindle copy of this was a special birthday gift and huhu, I am so much more grateful for this now! <3

4.5 of 5 Stars. 

Blurb:

Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised. With some messy dynamics emerging in his once tight-knit group of friends, and his email correspondence with Blue growing more flirtatious every day, Simon’s junior year has suddenly gotten all kinds of complicated. Now, change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he’s pushed out—without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he’s never met.

Buy Links: 

Print book is available in most bookstores internationally.

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062348671

Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/simon-vs-the-homo-sapiens-agenda-becky-albertalli/1119908802;jsessionid=2F817EE2E237FDE04AF14128E932AC39.prodny_store01-atgap10?ean=9780062348678&st=AFF&2sid=Goodreads,%20Inc_2227948_NA&sourceId=AFFGoodreads,%20Inc#/ 

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/audiobook/simon-vs-the-homo-sapiens-agenda-3

Audio book is available in leading sellers:

About the Author:

Becky Albertalli is the author of the acclaimed novels Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (film: Love, Simon), The Upside of Unrequited, and Leah on the Offbeat. She is also the co-author of What If It's Us with Adam Silvera. A former clinical psychologist who specialized in working with children and teens, Becky lives with her family in Atlanta. You can visit her online at www.beckyalbertalli.com.