#sucide ment tw

[carolineishere]

from 2021

[userautumn]

streak broken suicidal ideation is back on

[sanctuary-for-the-mad]

The greatest fun about suicide is those left behind. Imagine all the complete strangers passing by, finding my corpse on the ground. Imagine how they'd feel, wondering if I have a family, how said family would feel, and wondering what pushed me over the edge, far enough to end my life. Beautiful, isn't it? To know that even though these strangers know nothing about you, nothing about your stories, but death is universal: every single person in the world understands death.

Now, even better: my family themselves finding out about my hypothetical suicide. Devastated, the grief and soul crushing guilt slowly killing them inside. How beautiful, isn't it? To know that no matter how your relationship with your family is, one thing is for certain: death will bring them closer. No matter how much or little they appreciated you in life, in death, they sure will.

But the greatest of all? Someone, anyone, finding you before you've taken the final step, and trying to stop you. It'd be so fun to watch them in distress, distress about saving you. Saving you from what you're about to. And if they fail? Then you get to live on in the guilt that will torment them for the rest of their life. In their doubt about what they could've done, what else they could've said to save you. That's the greatest despair: that their efforts were in vain. The second they believed that I could be saved would be the moment that sealed their fate of eternal guilt.

Isn't it beautiful? To know that your death will have more impact than your life?

Too bad I have to miss this feeling if I die. And too bad I'll never have it if I keep living.

And that's why I haven't yet attempted.

[angelwisps]

journaling is like...

day 1: i am wretched and unloveable. something is so broken in me idk how to fix it

day 2: i am scared. i am trying but i am so scared. maybe i will find a way out of this

day 3: i am not fit for this world. i want to kill myself

[olispersonaldiary]

Quick uhm not important question

So this is my second post since now I’m coming back to tumblr

Does anyone know how to cover sh during this awful summer heat?

[weirdpotat0chip]

There once was a girl

There once was a girl whose only wish was to die.

She didn’t live a very horrible life, when compared to people who suffer from war, hunger, or racism.

But she still wanted to die, desperately. It was a constant thought in her head that kept repeating itself over and over again.

She had best friends with whom she could talk about anything, well almost anything. She was the most cheerful yet introverted student in the class. She tried to always be helpful, no matter what. She didn’t want to pick a side or start an argument; it was one of many things she hated. Conflicts. She would always try to avoid them or take the blame and apologize. Seeing other people be mad at her didn’t sit right with her; she was willing to please anyone, no matter what the cost.

Keeping people satisfied was one thing that she had to learn the hard way, especially with the kind of parents that have no mercy for mistakes. Even her siblings had to come to terms their wrath. However, regardless of how terrible the situation got, she would always try to take the blame or in this case the beatings. It didn’t matter to her that in the morning she’d have to wake up with bruises; those were luckily easy to cover. She was used to it anyway.

She just wanted her siblings to grow up without a dark past full of hate and sadness. She would take all it for them.

On the outside everything seemed normal, a happy family with well-behaved children. However, on the inside, everything was slowly but surely breaking apart. Children drifting away from their cruel and hateful parents who will manipulate and guilt-trip them into staying.

What they didn’t know though, was that their once obedient little “slaves” had grown up and would do anything to get away from them. The problem was that they weren't of legal age. So, they had to be patient and wait until they had saved up enough money to leave those disgusting people and never come back again.

She liked to read in her free time. While reading, she was able to escape into her mind and forget about reality. There, everything was great, and she had made it past the suicidal thoughts and was living her dream life, with the people she made up in her head. Even though she knew that it was all a fantasy that will never become real, it upset her every time she thought about her actual life.

She hated her life. It was a purposeless life, without any destination. She was living a dull life, with the same routine every day. It was exhausting to get out of bed and go to school and find the energy to act energetic and positive.

Only her diary knew about it, though. She would take this secret to her grave, which she was sure wasn’t too far off.

Sometimes, to cheer herself up, she would think about the books she reads and that maybe, just maybe she would find a purpose in life. A person that would help her see the good in this fucked up world. A person that would love her for being herself even with all her flaws. A person that wouldn’t leave her when she needed them the most. If she could find someone who taught her how to be happy without overthinking everything, then she could forget about all the bad thoughts running through her head. She would be delighted to finally have someone understand her and not tell her how disgusting she is, how stupid she is, how annoying she is, how ugly she is, how naïve she is.

She just didn’t want to feel empty and exhausted anymore.

But the voice in her head would always lead her back to reality. It was that one thing in her life that she liked the most. It helps her realize how stupid she is for getting her hopes up and believing that she is loveable, when she is not. That voice is her best friend and would never lie to her unlike her friends.

So, staying alone is a better option than wasting someone’s time when you’re not even worth it in the first place. There is no happy ending for her, no matter how many fantasies she has in her head. She is a defective mistake, which nobody wants. That’s okay. The sooner she admits the truth to herself, the less she'll have to suffer and interrupt other people’s lives with her presence.

Life isn’t a fairytale.

Society may say that there is no beauty standard. However, it will still tell you how to appear and what to do with your life.

That’s why life has been an ongoing nightmare for her. And the only way to end it is death.

This is the story of a sad girl that had big dreams but no hopes of them becoming real.

[pancake-syrup]

can i stop being unreasonably suicidal for like 5 minutes without getting unreasonable amounts of dopamine in my brain every second like. ik i wanted to die before i was pubescent but im fine now (mostly) like quit it smhsmh

[jeepers-scoob]

There's nothing like the guilt that comes with my mental illnesses making it hard for me to work. Like I've been so depressed and just sad lately my partner had to tell me they are worried about me killing myself and I had to call out of work today bc the thought of getting up and going in almost gave me a full on panic attack and it's just so shitty bc there's nothing truly horrible going on! My job is not the worst one I've had we are more financially stable than we have ever been and yet here i am only months in the job ready to just fucking quit and it feels so shitty! Why can't I just fucking go to work and be okay!!!??? And the guilt is so bad like it's not as if I'm staying out to have a good time I'm staying out bc I can't stop crying and feel like the world's ending and yet it feels like I'm the worst person alive!! I worked for 5 years straight and now I'm lucky if I don't start feeling extremely burnt out 2 months into a new job and knowing that I used to be able to cope better and being just unable to now makes everything so much worse!

[sincausarebelde]

Desaparecer

Desaparecer, solo quiero desaparecer, el dolor me supera. Cada día me pregunto para qué estoy en este plano astral, cuál es el motivo de mi existencia si solo lloro y me siento frustrada, si tengo miedo constamente, si solo me levanto por rutina, si solo pienso en morirme, si todo el tiempo me siento en una pescera, que no me siento real, que todo me hace sentir menos, que siempre tengo frío, que solo quiero desaparecer.

Tengo miedo porque el dolor me supera, el dolor me consume, el dolor me hace pensar cosas muy desgarradoras, mi alma se quiebra ante en más mínimo sufrimiento, mi corazón y mente se siente cansados.

Me duele la cabeza, no puedo dejar de sentir lo que siento, no puedo detener este sentimiento de soledad, no puedo detener las lagrímas, no puedo detener a mis manos que solo desean escribir para desahogarse, que desean que este sea el último texto y yo deseo que sea la última noche para dejar de sentir tanto dolor.

Quisiera nunca más despertar, quisiera dejar de pensar por siempre.

Quisiera irme sin hacer el más minímo ruido y que mi existencia desapareciera de la mente de todos.

-Mich-

[accidental-cccc-reference]

this blog is an actual gold mine for cccc references

ropes are a chonny jash reference

It's a Chonny Jash reference

[carolineishere]

life is so exhausting. i can’t write. i can’t sleep. i feel like i’m going insane.

i won’t tell you how it hurts. it’s better for you not to know. i’m sorry. i’m sorry for not getting clean for you. you dont deserve me. you deserve the world.

[bubbles077]

OC AMY

Amy-

she/her

age-15

Lesbian

5’7 (144 CMj

185lbs (83 Kg)

————————————-

Tw for story- chacter death, Sexual abuse, Child abandonment, sucide.

background information- Amy lived in an orphanage with her younger brother in the county of Burneedette. She looked after her younger brother, Ben, till they were forced to leave after “the incident” Ben lost control of his power killing many people. They became homeless. Amy who was born without a power became scared for both her and Ben. she began doing odd jobs usually consisting of her selling out her body, she hated it but she knew it was the only way to provide for her and Ben. It was like this for years until one day she was walking down the streets with Ben trying to find shelter until lightning suddenly struck her (how she got the scars) the next thing she knew she was in the hospital hooked up too a machine. The doctors told her what happened to her was a miracle that she was ment to be dead, that was when she discovered her powers for the first time. She couldn’t die. Soon after that Amy began helping people knowing that she couldn’t die she would stop gang violence, people getting hurt, and soon she became a vigilante known as Lightning Bolt. She became very successful and popular helping a lot of people…except while she was working on being a Vigilante she didn’t realize Ben had been using his power to help the villains. It wasn’t till one night she was out on patrol and spotted him with members of the infamous Sapphire Syndicate, she realized. This lead to a big fight in which Ben ran away. Ben’s absence destroyed Amy. Ben was her only family, the only person in the world she truly loved, she knew she couldn’t die but wished too so bad. That’s when she started trying to die, by drowning, jumping from a roof, a gun, she tried too yet it never worked. It was like this for months until she met Nicklas, also known as the Viglante Clown of heaven. Nicklas took her in and she now works with the heroes of Burnette or HOB for short, and has gotten a lot better.

[mxxou]

Hey. If you’re thinking about sending anon hate on my behalf, stop right there friend!

Sending Anon hate is NOT OKAY and I have seen a screencap of someone TELLING SOMEONE TO KILL THEMSELVES AND INCLUDING MY NAME.

STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!!

DO NOT DO THIS. 

NEVER EVER EVER TELL SOMEONE TO KILL THEMSELVES AND DON’T SEND ANON HATE AND ESPECIALLY DO NOT DO SO ON MY BEHALF BECAUSE I DO. NOT. CONDONE. OR SUPPORT. SUCH ACTIONS.

[iactively-inactivei]

I kin this child

[girlinsilent]

Wow i just really don't wanna be here

[thelonelynindroid]

I will literally NEVER forgive the FSM for basically offering Lloyd assisted suicide as a 'thank you' for saving the world?? Like bitch??? Therapy might be more helpful