#such a long ramble and honestly really specific towards me but i really want to share my gender joys with the world 😭😭😭😭

[cacaocheri]

not to be CORNY on main but ever since I came out as agender I've been getting way more funky with my gender and it's soooo fun. today I was discussing a group cosplay with friends and we were assigning characters to each other and while we were talking it suddenly dawned on me that I could cosplay a guy. and this is probably the most basic level realization EVER but it really did open my eyes like omg I don't have to be confined to characters who are the "same" gender as me. I can branch out. and then immediately after I played a visual novel with friends that let you RANDOMIZE THE PRONOUNS. like you could select multiple pronouns then select how frequently they show up and how often to switch them. and maaaan that was so nice especially because I am experimenting with pronouns a liiiittle bit but not in a way where I want to be very public about it or ask people to start using different pronouns, more so if a random person used he/him pronouns for me that would be nice. or like if they dropped he/him every now and then in conversation. so I was living out my ideal pronoun fantasy through this game it was incredible

[ofbatsandballads]

turn me into something tragic

jason todd x fem!reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: slight suggestive thoughts from reader, brief mentions of Jason being hurt

a/n: been listening to the secret of us by gracie abrams and “let it happen” just feels so much like what falling in love with jay would be like. so here’s a song fic!

divider credit: saradika-graphics

You’re in deep. You wish you weren’t because this whole longing thing sucks. But you’re here now—so it goes, you guess. It’s not like you have any other options. You can’t just quit your job at the Robbinsville Public Library because there’s a very handsome man that always shows up from one to four in the afternoon. You can’t uproot your life and your ability to pay rent because he smiles at you whenever he returns his books, because his voice makes your chest feel warm when he asks if you can put a copy of Emma on hold for him.

No. You just need to suck it up and stop thinking about Jason fucking Todd.

A remarkably hard task, honestly. Especially when he shows up at one o’clock on the dot as always. The weather’s pouring rain today, a clockwork symptom of Gotham winters. You watch as he diligently drags his boots along the entry rugs, careful to not track water on the hardwood floors of the library. It’s sweet. He’s sweet—no. You don’t need to be thinking anything about him.

He walks up to your circulation desk, unzips his black leather jacket and places the books he’d been keeping safe from the rain on the old oak. He always returns them early. He must be a particularly voracious reader. It’s a trait you find ridiculously attractive. He reads all these classic romances, so he must have a good appreciation of longing and devotion and soul crushing love and what would it be like to be loved by a man like that—God, you need to stop.

“Hi Jason,” you greet him cheerfully.

“Hi,” he says quietly.

His voice is so pretty. It’s deep but not rough, and he’s got that lilt that all born and bred Gothamites have. He’s so soft spoken, whether by choice or nature, you don’t know. But it’s a beautiful combination, his tone and inflection. You could listen to him talk all day. You do listen to him talk for at least 30 minutes of each day you work.

“Your hair looks nice.”

It’s sheepish and it’s nearly a whisper, but it’s got your heart racing nonetheless. You’d cut your hair over the weekend, wanting a change. And if you’d hastily curled it this morning before work in a vain attempt to make it look extra pretty, then that was for you to know.

“Thank you,” you say, face growing warm, “Oh, your copy of Emma just came in!”

You reach into the cubby under your desk where you’d specifically placed the book once it was returned by a guy named Dick. You had asked how he liked it and he’d just said he didn’t get why his brother enjoyed these things so much. You didn’t talk to him much after that.

“Took ‘em long enough,” Jason mutters, shaking his head and causing little droplets of water to fall from his damp curls.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Most times people don’t wait over a month, but I got the sense that the guy didn’t really like it. Probably DNF’ed it,” you ramble as you push the book towards him.

Jason rolls his eyes.

“Some people have no taste,” he grumbles.

“Your taste is incredible.”

You don’t realize how horrible that double entendre is until you see the bright red of Jason’s cheeks. Oh, God, your inside thoughts are becoming outside thoughts. You really, really need to reel yourself in.

“I mean–I just meant–obviously books. Your taste in books. I have no idea about your taste otherwise.”

Yeah, that didn’t help. You want to crawl under your desk and die. Maybe the little old lady who works the morning shift will find your corpse when she clocks in.

“I–um–thank you?” Jason says, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

He looks pretty when he’s flustered. You wonder just how pretty he’d look if he was under you all flustered like that. Jesus Christ, you want to gag your own inner monologue. You take one steadying deep breath.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a day,” it hasn’t, but he doesn’t know that, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

He pauses, shifts his weight from one foot to the other. He looks to be contemplating something of extreme importance. Then a resigned look crosses his face and his shoulders drop as he lets out a deep sigh.

“No, nothin’ yet. ‘M just gonna browse.”

And with that he’s off into the stacks. Once he’s out of your sight, you drop your burning face into your hands and groan. Humiliating. You’re so embarrassed that you’re jittery. You toss Jason’s books into the cart of returns and decide to make your way through the library returning them. The work distracts you from your own social suicide, as do the headphones you’ve pulled over your head.

You’re wandering along, head bobbing to the playlist you’ve entitled “book return bops”, when you encounter the source of your sudden emotional instability reading peacefully on the ground. He doesn’t notice or acknowledge you at first. It gives you time to admire him.

He truly is pretty. The cloudy light from the window throws shadows on his face, accentuating the sharpness of his cheekbones, his jaw, his nose. He’s like an old Roman statue. A beautiful man that reads, is kind, and is built like a brick house. You’re doomed.

You wheel your squeaky cart into the aisle and start placing the books back in their rightful homes. Jason looks up at you, a soft smile blooming on his face as he watches you work. Little do you know that he stares at you the same way you stare at him.

You glance over at him and see that he’s reading Frankenstein. You drag your headphones to hang around your neck and interrupt the peaceful quiet that’s settled between you.

“I need to know what you think of that book,” you demand.

Jason raises an eyebrow, gaze roaming from you to the book in his hands and back.

“It’s one of the best novels ever written. And one of the most widely misinterpreted by modern media. It’s a little infuriating, actually, just how much every adaptation misses the point.”

You’re in love with him. End of discussion.

“Thank you!” you exclaim. “First of all, the Creature isn’t green and bolted! Second, he’s not the fucking villain! Victor is! How do you create something, knowing every step of the way what you’ve made, then abandon it altogether once you’ve given it life. It’s bullshit. He’s neglectful and obtuse and utterly unaccountable.”

You continue to rant about Frankenstein for a good ten minutes, allowing Jason to make annotations to your verbal essay. In your literary fire, you completely miss the stars that are dancing in the eyes of the pretty boy sitting on the floor. If you did see them, maybe you’d realize that you’re not the only one with increasingly absurd inside thoughts.

“Anyways,” you sigh, “you’re the only person I’ve ever spoken to who gets it. So thank you.”

“No problem. You’re the only person I can talk to about it,” he says, voice going quiet at the last part.

You cock your head and raise an eyebrow in question.

“Well, my best friend isn’t much for reading. He prefers building weird shit. And my…dad,” he chokes the word out like it’s poison, “he just reads fuckin’ history books. Not even the good ones. He reads stuff like the history of semiconductors.”

You laugh so loud that it echoes. You slap your hand over your mouth, suddenly conscious of where you work. You’re still giggling as you sit down next to him. You look over and feel any of the air you’d regained leave your lungs. He’s smiling at you, bigger and brighter than he ever has before. And the way he’s looking at you…it’s not at all dissimilar to the way you look at him. Maybe you don’t have to stop thinking about him after all. You steel your nerves and dig your fingers into the shelf behind you.

“Well, maybe I could get your number so we can book club it sometime. Just so you don’t have to talk about semiconductors,” you joke, nerves coming through in the slight shake of your voice.

His smile grows even bigger.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he says as he hands over his phone to you.

As you punch in the numbers, you swear that you can see how it’ll all unfold. You don’t love him yet, but you will. One day you’ll love him so much you don’t know how it stays contained in your body. You’ll discover that he loves chocolate chip cookies and you’ll learn how to make them for him. You’ll learn he’s ticklish right under his ribs, that the muscle that joins his neck and shoulder is extremely sensitive to kisses.

You’ll have bitter arguments when he comes to pick you up for a date with a black eye or a busted lip or a bum shoulder. You’ll have a vicious screaming match where he finally tells you what he does at night. He’ll vanish for a week, then come back to find you curled up in a ball on your couch. He’ll never vanish again, he’ll make a home with you. You’ll worry every night he leaves your side. You’ll rejoice with every sunrise you watch together on your fire escape.

Jason Todd will turn you into something tragic, into a love-struck, devoted, messy version of yourself that you didn’t know existed before he walked into your life. And, just for him, you’ll let it happen.

[menlove]

youve probably answered this before but what DO you think is the most realistic version of what went down?? like do you think paul misinterpreted john's hints or that john never made it clear enough to paul how he felt? i know theres no way to know but you have such a good grasp on their personalities and this seriously might haunt me forever lkadjf

i actually don't think i have ! i wrote a lil speculative Thing about what things would look like if paul were queer and closeted (which is what i think) and that interpretation but never specifically this question but...

this is long and rambly but have my thoughts lmfao

basically To Me i do think they had some sort of sexual relationship. to me it's honestly the most likely scenario given the..... everything. their interactions with each other, some of their songs about each other ("i used to hold you in my arms"), the way things blew up so spectacularly, etc. and my reasoning there is mostly that. we know already that they had really loose sexual boundaries with each other. they jerked off together, they fucked women in the same room together & allegedly together as well. and already just those two/three things constitute as a sexual relationship, but not smth they would've seen as one.

but i do think they did more than that. i mean, it doesn't really matter if they did more than that, the rest of what i'm gonna speculate stands even if all they ever did was jerk off together and fuck women together, but like... aside from the like Mountains of evidence that there was something there, i just think it makes sense w their personalities. john isn't the type of person to have self-restraint and i don't think paul, especially when he was younger, would've turned john down. i think if john was into men (which he was, we know this) and if he was into paul (incredibly likely) then he would've made a move. and i think if he made a move and got rejected he would have raised hell, and that never happened.

i think they probably started doing shit together (again, the extent of that is debatable) and they absolutely did Not think of it as being anything queer. i couldn't tell you the mental loops they tied themselves in there, but i have Some thoughts just based on who they are. i think john probably passed it off as like "a hand's a hand, a mouth's a mouth" type of thing (which is hilariously something yoko talks about him saying in her audio diary during the white album sessions). and i think paul probably saw it (& any other things he was doing with men, if he did) as something fun that feels good and isn't something he needs to like look into deeply. i think neither of them would've thought of themselves as queer, bc they probably thought of queerness as very binary- you're either gay or you're straight. and they both were into women (.....ostensibly) so they couldn't be gay. i think john like realized, on some level, that he was queer and Hated it about himself for a very long time and only started coming to grips with it towards the end of his life. i think paul eventually came around to it but by that time he was married to linda (& if rumors are to believed, possibly having threesomes with her and men lmfao) & i don't think he would Ever want to come out publicly even if he's out privately (which i do think he is).

so why didn't they get together? why is paul so insistent that john was straight and not in love with him? i think they just genuinely never talked about it. ever. like i don't think they had that conversation. if neither of them were gay and their sexual relationship was just john and paul things, there wasn't any need to talk about it. queerness was more acceptable for the young. not in an open sort of way, absolutely not, but in the way that they could tell themselves they'd grow out of it, they were just messing around, etc.

i think things got harder when brian died- he died queer, alone, and in a situation that a lot of people thought was suicide. and ofc, we know the band didn't think it was suicide, and i don't think it was either, but that's the kind of thing that sticks in the back of your mind. esp if you're like john who had a lot of mystical/magical thinking. i think it was a bit of a wake up call. time to grow up. i think they both thought they were each the Only one dealing with actual queer feelings & attraction to the other and were soooo sure the other one was just straight and fucking around. which probably hurt, quite a bit, but wasn't something they wanted to look at anyway.

and when john got with yoko and got serious with her, i think that was the bubble bursting. cynthia was different. they got together so young, he never made her a priority, he cheated on her constantly, belittled her, didn't have a place for her by his side bc he carved that space out exclusively for paul. and you can tell that just by the amount of quotes paul has about john marrying yoko being the catalyst, about it being time to grow up, etc which is insane considering he was already married and so were george and ringo. for years. so it was something deeper than that. and it's bc he was actually taking yoko seriously. paul's spot as john's primary partner got filled by a woman. who john was genuinely in love with, not like cynthia which was a marriage fueled by the age old tale of an unplanned pregnancy and comphet. and paul can't argue with that. like....... if he viewed what they were doing as messing around as kids, with john being straight and him being the one pining, he wouldn't want to fuck up john's chance at a Normal Straight Love. if he were a girl, he could, but he wasn't. what he Could do was match him and grow up too. cue the immediate pivot to get married and have children, eventually fulfilled in linda.

but i don't think he expected the band to implode just bc they stopped being so close in whatever manner. but it did. along with other reasons, obviously- there's a million reasons the band broke up, but i think they could've weathered it if they had kept the closeness they'd had at the beginning. or if they'd been single or even if they'd just kept viewing each other as their primary partner aside from their wives.

i think they both came to terms with what they actually meant to each other in the 70s, but they never actually... told each other. what we have from john is jealous guy, which paul was allegedly told was about him, and that demo version of real love that paul never even heard where he laments about him having a baby/farm and how he used to hold him. there's also (just like) starting over, but that one's easy to see as being for yoko too and paul wouldn't have thought twice about it. then you have now & then and real love, which were on that damn tape for paul :( like he literally didn't hear them until after john died and we know he likes the idea that now & then is about him but even then he doesn't sound totally convinced

for paul we have a lot. but a lot of his like more vulnerable songs were only released after john died. like here today, obviously, but there's also some pretty telling ones that john never would've heard (like best friend, which he played live, but wasn't on any album until 2018. or a more of a Stretch of one but i 100% think is about john, hey diddle, which was kept off ram and only released in 2001).

so like i think they very much both came to grips with the fact that they had been in love with each other, but they never really.... thought that could be returned. so ofc paul's going to say shit like how he likes the theory that john was in love with him or wrote now & then about him. but he doesn't believe it, because to him john was Genuinely straight and he was the weird one. and vice versa. i think i saw a more recent thing from him coming around more on the idea of john being bi, but honestly i think that's just hard for him to come to grips with bc what the hell are you supposed to do with that? like yeah, he was into men, possibly even romantically, on a genuine level, just not him? that's hurtful. i don't think he wants to think of that option. bc that's more likely to him than the idea that john was in love with him and hiding it the whole time. which is also heartbreaking. bc then it's just a tragedy of circumstances and missed chances- which is what i think it was. and neither of those routes are something i think he wants to consider, so john has to be straight in his mind.

but if he's coming around on that, he's probably coming around on one of those two options. i hope it's the latter bc the idea that he'd think even now that john never loved him is just so fucking sad. and considering his comments about now & then, as well as the lyrics video for now & then, i really do think the latter is more likely.

anywayyyyy tl;dr i think they fucked around sexually in Some Way, never said a single thing romantically, both came to terms w their feelings in the 70s but by then it was too late and they didn't think the other one would reciprocate anyway, and now paul's been trying to come to grips w the ambiguity of their relationship for the last 40+ years.

[mamawasatesttube]

Between Tim and Kon who makes the first move?

honestly for me it varies! i slightly tend towards it being tim, but not always. but in a very specific way, i.e. it's a very gradual melt right on into a relationship, and tim is the one who goes hey. wait a minute. this feels like A Relationship.

at first, saying it'd be tim is probably surprising, since tim has a history of NOT making the first move across his comics - we don't actually see how he and ari get together, but steph chases after him and repeatedly states her interest in him before they ever get together; tim is the one who asks zoanne out, but only after she kisses him and then runs away. then tam once again is the one to ask him if he's interested in her (and, i mean, if you count lynx ii, she's always the one initiating things getting physical and making out with him, but they also literally never talk about it, so i don't entirely really count her as a serious tim love interest).

on the other hand, while kon of course has been a flirt since he was decanted from his tube, a lot of it was very performative and he's only actually ever been in three relationships, two of which were instances of abuse and grooming. given how introspective he gets after his resurrection, and how much less sure of himself he is in general, i tend to believe this is where he starts actually unpacking all his relationship trauma and internalized homophobia. i think actually accepting that he is gay and not actually interested in women is a very jarring thing for him, and accepting that he was groomed and abused is also very difficult, and it takes him a while.

because of that, i think he ends up a) confused about what romance actually feels like, and b) very tentative about dating for a while. he wants deep connection - he was genuinely in love with knockout, and he thought she loved him too; he thought tana would be part of his life forever, and his devotion to cassie was notable even before they actually dated. but deep connections are hard to make with people you don't know well, and by the time he's around 19-20 i think he's kind of struggling with the idea that he's not gonna get what he's looking for in casual relationships, but also the idea of being in Gay Love with one of his best friends is terrifying, because he's not good at identifying what being in love feels like, so he kinda talks himself out of it. "this is comfortable and easy so it must not be romance, this is just really good friendship, because romance feels like walking a tightrope. right? haha. right??" and all that.

and then moreover, i think tim really sits on the fact that he's bisexual for a long time. not because he's trying to hide it, but because he's just so intensely private about things that bother him, and he's got some jack drake shaped Internalized Issues in his head to work through about what it means to be transmasc and to like men (i.e. a voice that sounds suspiciously like a conservative dad putting in one single ounce of effort re: understanding queer relationships is in the back of his head going "but you'd be the girl in the relationship if you dated a man, right?" and tim has to take several deep breaths and figure out how to unpack that before he's ready to even think about admitting out loud that he's interested in guys too, even to himself, let alone to anyone else).

so for a hot second kon's just out there going "i like men but it doesn't matter because i'm never going to fall in love with someone that really truly wants me and loves me as deeply as i'd love them, and i'd be miserable about that except that i'm just pretty satisfied being bffs with tim :) i feel at ease when he's around and he makes me laugh and i just like being near him and watching him work on gadgets or listening to him ramble about cars or letting him sleep on my shoulder. i know it's not romantic because i feel so safe and comfortable, but i'm happy with it, whatever it is. and if i think he's hot, well, that's just because he is hot. everyone knows that!" guy who pretty much is already tim's boyfriend but he hasn't noticed that yet because they're both kind of stupid and also insanely devoted to each other in the same way, so they both go "yeah this seems normal for us" and kon really doesn't question it that hard.

meanwhile tim is the guy to whom labels and boxes matter a lot more, so he's the one who sits back one day and goes, wait. oh my god. i'm in love with kon. and then he has to steeple his index fingers and interlace the others and press his hands to his face in deep, deep thought. he's in love with kon, and realizing that makes a lot about his life suddenly make a lot of sense, because seriously - a hundred clone attempts, changing robin to be red and black, making out with cassie because he missed kon so much - okay, okay, yeah, he sees it now, okay, so maybe he's been in love with kon for years at this point and never actually realized it, that's fine, this is fine, he's FINE, he's NOT freaking out or overthinking--

anyways. after freaking out and overthinking and brooding on a rooftop for four to seven business days (not all at once, of course, but he gets his hours in), he finally goes to kon and jabs his finger into his chest and goes "Hey. Are we dating?"

and kon stares at him for a second with a loading circle spinning over his head. claps his hand over his mouth. inhales sharply like a dying fish. claps his other hand over the first hand. starts floating a few inches off the ground in pure agitation.

"Oh my god, Tim," he says, his eyes as wide as dinner plates and his voice an octave higher than usual. "Are we dating?!"

"I think so," Tim says, and narrows his eyes. "I mean, if we're not, maybe we should be. Pizza and a movie tonight?"

and kon clearly goes through A Whole Process in his head (working through the "wait, dating is comfy and chill and happy and easy?!" crisis in real time), but ultimately goes "okay!!! yeah!! okay!!! let's do that!!! wow!!!!" because, hey. he would love to hold hands with tim while watching the sunset and eating hipster san francisco pizza.

and that's how they end up sitting on the floor by the coffee table in the titans tower common room, eating pizza, and poring over a calendar + their text message history to try and figure out when, exactly, their anniversary is. ("okay, so when we went on that picnic in april, was that a date?" "i think so. alright, so it has to be before april, but after valentine's, because you made a joke about being single here, see? so we're looking at somewhere in march. "okay, but we did do 'palentine's' together, so does that really count??" "fuck, you're right, that totally was a date too. uh...")

[parascials]

content: gender neutral reader. angst. testing out cookie run characters, so not very canon-compliant.

the wasteland below was eerily quiet, almost nonexistent. atop this rooftop, you are held by nutmeg tiger, her arms wrapped around your waist as you lean against her side. so content to just be there, breathing each other’s air and then exhaling with what you hoped are heart-shaped atoms. it’s nonsensical, you know, but so would the sight of you two all cuddled up be to anyone else.

"hey, titi," you called out, soft. she hummed in response, letting you know she was listening. her head turned towards you, her red hair cascading down her cheek and thus framing her face perfectly. nutmeg's eyes were fierce and narrowed, softened just a bit as she noticed your nervous look.

some tune you couldn't quite identify played in the background, its jazzy nature a bit distorted by the wind bouncing on the sound waves. it was such a peaceful moment. a break from reality.

"yeah? you know you can trust me with anything, right?" nutmeg spoke up, eyes roving all over your face. she wanted to commit every inch of your face to memory, every single pore's position as if they formed a constellation. gosh, her stare… was intense.

there was a long pause, only the sound of 207 beat-per-minute melody could be heard. and maybe your heartbeat, it felt so fast you wouldn't be surprised if any enemy tribes tracked you both from it.

"nevermind, it's stupid."

nutmeg scoffed, semi-indulgent, "what a way to leave me hanging." she started running her hands through your hair, soothing whatever thoughts were keeping you tense. her hands then snaked down to your neck and started kneading the knots out your shoulders. nutmeg was a bit rough, sure, but you couldn't blame her, it was all she knew.

so you held back the wince when she reached a specific spot and let her do her thing, your body easing anyway. it felt so nice to be cared for. you slowly lost yourself in the moment, quick ramblings and banter between the two of you. you put her at ease, making her feel like she didn't have to pretend. well, she didn't really know how not to pretend. but she tried her best anyway, and that's all that mattered to you.

"as i was saying, i think—hey, are you even listening?" nutmeg questioned, raising an eyebrow at you. "huh? oh, yeah, of course."

"liar."

"no, no! it's just… i can't focus."

"why's that?"

the dam broke: "because i love how you look when you ramble, y'know? you look so cute when it's about your interests and, i mean, i love you as a whole—" you cut yourself off, realizing what you'd just said. she went quiet as well, her face dropping. the romantic melody coming from her phone suddenly sounded so mocking, her touch burning.

you stood up, excusing yourself out of embarrassment, tears lining your waterline from her lack of reaction. you could feel her eyes on you. it felt like judging, how she seemed to stare through your skin and into your very soul, your feelings laid bare. not even a proper rejection, just silence. how… cold.

but nutmeg just stayed in place, watching you leave. she didn't know what to say, honestly. and oh, god help her, but she loved you too. so, so much. and she feared she just lost her only chance to say it back.

[saturns7moon]

idk if it’s just me that’s noticed this but i feel like sidereal martians, specifically aries, have this very abrasive approach towards other people’s belongings. obviously not on purpose, but i’ve noticed how they have a very heavy “i kinda don’t care” attitude when it comes to another person’s belongings, as long as it’s not their own, the item isn’t their sole responsibility. they’ll toss things around or just be a little too lax when it comes to treating something delicately.

i’ve observed this behaviour coming from my younger sisters, my bsf, her brother and even me. all of us have sidereal mars dominating our big 6 and i just realised recently because of somethings my bsf did and i was like “damn that’s kinda selfish/annoying. why couldn’t she just take this/me into consideration for this or that?” i’ve had the same kind of proclamations from my other family members or friends with a sidereal aries placement where it’s been like “i kinda want you to just put a little bit more thought into us instead of you please”

my conclusion is that as long as we’re content, we dgaf abt anyone else. i’ve observed how i’ve been selfish in situations before, putting myself first and foremost when in reality i have like somebody other than myself in either my care or someone else’s care. it’s kinda bad when it’s me caring for another person, cus i know my own comfort, what makes me happy and what i specifically wanna do. so when throwing somebody else into the mix, especially when they’re different to how i do things, it either irritates me or i choose to blank them out to keep pleasing myself.

tho i do know/understand why aries natives have this attitude, i think our need to continuously please ourselves sometimes makes us forget that we are not the only people on this earth. i find it intriguing how we zoom in into ourselves and neglect how others would feel about even the smallest of things, especially when we mean no harm. as someone with both aries and libra dominating my big 6 and 1H/7H, i think it’s important to balance the wants of thyself on top of the wants of others. cus whilst we are born alone and die alone, we do not make it throughout everyday without another person being by our sides.

i don’t really have a specific conclusion to give for this post just because i’m honestly rambling over a small thought that was prompted by my bsf throwing my charger onto the floor carelessly for the twenty eleventh time this week i’ve been with her lmao. i love her tho so idgaf that much. i did a quick skim over everything i just wrote, so if a sentence doesn’t make sense or there’s just spelling/grammar errors, it’s cus i haven’t come back to look over it properly yet. anyways enough rambling, hope you all liked this little piece, bye bye :)

[bonetrousledbones]

i am sending this ask to a bunch of people. the reason is that i am curious. here it is.

what is your favorite thing about Papyrus in undertale?

do you think Papyrus will be important in deltarune?

what do you think will be Papyrus' role in deltarune?

what do you think of the "Papyrus is the Knight" theory?

what do you think his age will be? adult or teenager? (kid is not an option cus it would be stupid and no fun)

in what chapter do you think he will show up?

if Papyrus is the Knight do you think he will be nice or evil?

if Papyrus is the Knight do you think he knows what the Roaring is?

you are the fourth person i am sending this to.

well lucky you, you caught me in a rambling mood!

i talked more about this a lil while ago now, but to me the biggest appeal of papyrus is that i relate to him a whole lot, lol. his specific form of loneliness where he's very clearly trying really fucking hard and clearly doing all the things people say you're "supposed" to do to try to make friends, but it's just. not working, for whatever reason. it's a pretty hard-hitting feeling for me and it hits deep, and while it's not necessarrily a good feeling, it's definitely my favorite part of Papyrus if only for how well communicated and "real" it is.

putting the rest under a cut because it's gonna get long lol

when it comes to deltarune, my biggest thought towards it since way back in 2018 has been "i don't have any way of knowing what the hell is going on in that dog's brain." so i don't tend to speculate on the game very much outside of fun hypotheticals! i've honestly never been much of a theorist, i prefer letting everybody else be crazy while i'm just sitting back and letting things play out in their own time.

personally, i'd say it'd be nice for papyrus to have a big important role, but in full honesty i do have some doubts about how likely that actually is. for one, he's very much rooted in being a comic-relief character, so he very rarely seems to be written seriously in general, and for two, i don't think he would have much actual weight?

like, we know him as a character from undertale, and papyrus fans might know how mysterious he is, but most of the fandom doesn't see him as mysterious at all. on top of that, the characters in deltarune have no connection to him whatsoever. he's not one of their classmates, or neighbors they grew up with, or anything like that- he's just the grocery store clerk's shut-in little brother who nobody has ever met.

but, again, that brings me back around to "i don't know what's happening in that dog's brain." maybe they'll finally get to hang out with him & he'll become more involved in the story, or maybe he won't ever show up at all! idk!

naturally, all of that applies to my opinion on knight papyrus, too- it would be awesome and so so so so cool if it turns out to be real, but with the issue of nobody knowing him except sans, my faith in it gets a little dimmed. i do think the amount of hints that could connect him to it have been crazy, though, since most of them genuinely don't even feel like that much of a reach. i'll still be pulling out my cork board and red string whenever i possibly see a chance, rest assured

i really want him to be college-aged, ideally the same age as Asriel. one, so they can be besties obviously, and two, because if he suddenly becomes an underage character after ten years of papyrus fans fighting back against rampant infantilization i am going to fucking lose it

my own headcanon until we get to actually see him is that he's much more nervous, borderline agoraphobic, and much more awkward since he hasn't met any of the people that he very likely gained a lot of his personality from in undertale. considering he spends all his time in a dark undecorated house, the angst-loving part of me genuinely really hopes he's not just gonna be written the same as we're used to, lol

and sadly- judging from the previews we've seen of chapters 3-4, and the fact that they'll most likely take place in kris's house and then the church, i have some doubts that we'll see papyrus on june 5th :(. then again, the light world sections are apparently long enough to need their own save points, so maybe that's a good sign too! i'm personally not getting my hopes up, but it'd be a very nice surprise if we see him at all before chapters 5-7, even if it's just a really quick cameo or something :>

and finally, as for what he would be like as the knight & if he would know about the roaring, i actually thought about this some time ago too! i think he could know about the roaring and even actively be trying to cause it, but i don't think that makes him evil, per se. he doesn't know anyone in this town except his brother, making him even more desperately lonely than he was in undertale, and he's not even trying to overcome it this time around.

so, i think he'd get too attached to the fact that darkners literally have to like lightners and want to be their friends, and he'd want to cause the roaring either to be able to live in a world like that forever, or to then stop it himself and make friends by becoming a "hero." i can imagine him being not evil, and honestly not even all that bad (if you ignore the "casting the world into darkness to maybe make some friends" part), just really, really desperate.

[lemonlimestar]

I love love LOVE your art style -- it's so chunky and fun and lowkey reminiscent of woodcuts almost? Plus the amount of thought you put into your Anita costume redesign was just 🙌 so cool to read -- it really makes me wanna ask though: do you have any thoughts on Cassie's design (either current or previous)?

tysm :D <33 my anita costume is genuinely one of my favorites i’ve ever done so i’m glad to hear it :]

as for cassie’s designs, i’m not the biggest fan of her current one. under the cut bc i got kinda rambly

it reads very bland to me i guess, especially compared to the other amazons. the gwen-stacy-esque haircut is not doing it for me (and honestly worked better with her late yj98 & yj19 costumes, even if i still didn’t necessarily enjoy it in those either). i believe i saw someone say that she just looks too childish? which rings true for all of the core four rn to be honest. i’m also sad they scrapped her most recognizable color palette (red, gold, black, and white) that matches her friends :( like the blue added in Could work (and has before) but it falls flat imo.

her yj98 costume works a bit better as far as not being bland, but the skirt is just kinda there. this is more of a personal grievance but i really hate when costumes just have skirts just to have them when the character wouldn’t do that? did the person who designed this even read ww87 #153 smh. same with the color palette but honestly i think the jacket works better here, and i’d like to see this flipped into a aviator jacket rather than the jean as a nice middle ground between this and her leather jacket.

tt03 is it’s own can of worms & where the barbie-fication of her design is made the most egregious. these are pretty ok to me though! i think the way she’s presented is more of the issue + the long hair.

this one is 0/10. so many notes. i swear it gets worse every time i see it. only comparable one is the awful skintight n52 suit but at least that one has potential to be made into something cool.

these are definitely my favorite cassie costumes :) i lean more toward the one on the left but i love the shirt on the right. i tend to pull the most inspiration from these two when i draw her.

lastly, i’m a sucker for baby cassie. look at her stupid wig. look at her shorts and her skater gear. u wanna love her.

my adult cassie design from a while back combines her older yj outfits with some armor from other amazons + artemis specifically if only bc i’m sad that their relationship got deleted out of existence. i pulled in a teal as a nod to her blue jeans + to compliment the deep reds and blacks :^) i just really want her in armor… she’s grown up! she can have more details in her costume!

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

got bored, nekoma ship wheel + sexuality hcs (explanations under cut along with empty templates in case anyone wants them)

FUKUTORA TIER

This is self-explainatory. They're basically 90% of my account. If you go to the fukutora tag its just me talking to myself because no one else has posted in it since 2022

LOVE

Kuroken - I have specific opinions on Kuroken because I'm a fan of unrequited Kenhina in highschool. Don't get me wrong, I still like how most of the fandom portrays them, but I much prefer them getting together after the timeskip when everyone's settled into their new jobs. I also really like it queerplatonic, as much or even more than romantic.

Inushiba- Idk man they're just silly, no deeper reasoning. Funny guys doing funny things with a cute height difference

LIKE

Kuroyaku/Levyaku - Honestly I like these two about equally, i think they're both shitpost-able and that's my top priority for a ship. My gf likes Levyaku so i lean towards them but i've seen some good Kuroyaku art too so i can be won over. I'm a firm believer that Kuroo and Yaku were each other's first kiss

Fukutoraken - I think Kenma being a serial third-wheel is infinitely funnier but i dont mind it, as long as fukutora aren't separated i'm chilling. Kenma getting dragged along despite not being part of the relationship is my ideal for them tho, also i think Kenma being Tora's unwilling wingman/the recipient of his sexuality crisis rambles is hillarious

Anything else i'm neutral on or haven't heard of

[supahstarrr]

Thoughts on Watari Nishino's student spotlight

Warning: there will be discussions of misogyny here & mentions of abuse.

i am so satisfied that Watari Nishino has finally got her student interview. it's so satisfying that her character is allowed to be shown outside of being in The Supportive role or Comedic relief. i also have an opportunity to share some of my thoughts that i left out of my previous ramble post about her, and to reaffirm some of my thoughts I've expressed already!

i will try to organize my thoughts, you know like how those really good tumblr fanganronpa analyzers do? organize with titles, screenshots and all that? this post will still be sloppy though... i'm not fancy with words. And this is (mostly) not an analysis post... I am just very passionate about Watari.

before all, i want to touch on the vocal performance of the VA. the amounts of energy and character that was oozed out... I was stunned!!! and the voice becoming low and breaking at some points was so heartbreaking to hear; the performance expressed her "strength" that was constantly on the verge of breaking down during this interview. the voice having edge to it at some points—the underlying resentment and longing was so overbearing.

Watari's opinion on marriage

Honestly, there's so much stuff going on. I could screenshot everything about what the hell she was yapping about but that's a lot of work.

one of the first thoughts about marriage is how she wants to be the wife of Hayashi, to serve her and care for her! its funny and sweet. but then she remembers about the social dynamics she has put up with all her life, how she has always been a victim of them and witness of them... yikes. its fucked up she she likes the idea to serve people she care or love about as a way to express love, but to some extent, it's a reminder of common dynamics in marriage between men and women that are "expected" as they are an extension of oppressive social dynamics.

it's pretty sad how her perception of marriage and being a wife is so tainted by the previously prominent one in her life. like it is the common occurrence for patriarchal roles to be ingrained in marriages, and it's likely her parent's marriage reflected that toxic normalcy. there is so much disdain and resentment through comments on the "role" as a husband and "role" as a wife as a trauma response.

particularly, she largely associates being a wife with physically and mentally serving the husband and in the process to carry more burden, while the husband is allowed to be more independent outside of serving for someone and be acknowledged as human as he is more allowed to express his emotion (ex: through complaints). despite the disdain about the oppressive position the general husband holds over his wife, she finds some comfort in the role as the husband is allowed to express his humanity and have some independence. this is disdain is personal; its not only just rooted from her oppression in society as a girl, but also the marriage she witnessed.

I think there could also be the possibility that she sees herself as a "Wife". Not even just because of the expectations tied to her gender, but because of the current she has in the family, as the "wife" who must serve the family. Although there is some differences between the wife and her role in the family, the sentiment is that she is expected to serve at the expense of her humanity. Which adds more layers to the commentary on the marriage and her tendencies to put herself in leader positions where she's able to have fun with it (despite doing that having some complications).

Also very specifically this line gave me a mental pause.

What the hell? Suspicious... as i interpret there being an underlying personal tone (not just regarding to her position in society as a girl, but also towards the previous marriage) to the way she speaks about husbands, this... makes me very concerned! concerned! the nature of her previous parent's marriage has always gave me curiosity and concern. and this points to it being more personal as monomoko says it feels they have "strayed away" from the intentions of the question. yeah this is definitely personal.

i've always wondered whether or not the marriage was mutually toxic or abusive. and if there was abuse, i wonder about the extent of the abuse the children faced and/or if they were mostly stuck as the role of the witness of a parent's abuse. i've wondered if they were emotionally neglected while being a witness to physical, verbal and/or other kinds of abuse. now this gives me more questions. was alcoholism involved??? her father was an alcoholic possibly... and i wonder how it affected everyone in the family. good grief so much layers to this!!

and what gets me is that she does reach out to her father sometimes... despite all...? having mommy and daddy issues at once is dangerous.

to give a wonderful, but relatable, end to the topic of marriage... she says this.

this was yet another interesting thing she said regarding to marriage considering her lack of genuine attraction to men. though this is a funny remark she says loosely, this really gives more layers to the way she treats her "attraction" towards men. it's very interesting that particularly speaks about her "attraction" in this context of speaking about marriage and the common roles in them which stem from misogyny, while in earlier videos where she expresses this "attraction" is typically in the context of men serving for her. she plays with a "romantic attraction" about men as a way to reclaim the oppressive position men and oppressive societal expectations which hold over her.

through this play she plays with expectations attached to her gender—the expectation that girls & women must be romantically attracted to men and it must lead to the "inherent" desire to serve them, and that women must be committed and follow "rules" regarding to their attraction. since this immediate perception of how "all girls and women" experience, express or act on their expression has roots in misogyny. when she plays with a "romantic attraction" or "romantic interest" towards men, she gets to decide how and when she wants to be served or be leader whenever she wants to without commitment to those "feelings" that she cannot genuinely feel.

this disillusion with society's expectations and "rules" regarding to girls' and women's romantic interests encourages her to be very loud when expressing her genuine romantic and sexual attraction towards hayashi—though at the expense of hayashi's thoughts on that—as this expression actively breaks the expectation that she must express her desires quietly and how her attraction towards women is supposedly "false" or "less serious". thus, she gets to have a sense of control on those expectations forced onto her.

Watari's family

there was a thought i had about her role in the family, which i left out of my previous post about her as i didn't know where to put it. thanks to the interview, i have an opportunity to share this. i had the thought that her "leadership" role in the family was influenced by misogynistic standards in society. pushing girls into the adult caretaker role plus the lack of concern towards the emotional weight girls & women get from being forced into those positions are expressions of misogyny, which led me to that idea.

this idea i've had has definitely been hinted now shown by how she says her mother never had expectations for her older brother yet had them for her despite previously being the youngest in the family. which is likely the case due to misogyny her mother has internalized. not to be "overzealous" about the this misogyny talk, but there's a chance her brother holds these misogynistic beliefs as well.

and the way that watari is so particularly attentive to raising her sister because she knows that her sister will be pushed to become the next "sibling mom" due to this misogyny being ingrained in the family (not just shown by why she has the "leadership" role but also [likely] the previous marriage) despite the older brother still being around... just gave me a heartache. the kinship between the sisters due to their girlhood... ughhh my god its so bittersweet. there's an extra layer to this i feel. her feeling so obliged to break the cycle through parenting her sister is so reminiscent of how she broke the marriage. back then she tried to break the cycle of the pain that was so ingrained in the marriage; and she did! and now she feels obliged to break another cycle.

The curious case of Watari's mother

Later on in the interview, Watari comments about having a lot of siblings. She has get grievances about this as she knows she will have to step up to take care of them. This comment and grief reminds me of this earlier comment she made:

I wonder if this commentary on being a wife also refers to her mother—I mean this bit on what "it means" to be a husband and wife is very personal for her enough, especially when it comes how she speaks about The Husband role.

There are questions about my idea which is just a very loose theory. I'm unsure about the timeline stuff. But two or three children can already be close to "too much" depending on the culture, then expecting yet another third or fourth child can be considered definitely "too much". so regardless of how many children existed during the marriage and divorce, this could still refer to her mother when she was a wife.

If this is talking about her mother, this gives some interesting context to her. Although she most definitely do not "clean stuff all day" in present times as told about her constant neglectful character, perhaps she did back then. And so when she's divorced... she just.... don't clean anymore? I wonder if her mother is depressed and/or have negative feelings about parenthood as a result of the divorce, which could motivate her to be neglectful in various of ways. and these feelings doesnt have to just be a result of the divorce—they could already be lingering during the marriage, but increased because there's suddenly "no reason" to disregard them for the sake of holding a marriage that isn't there anymore.

this interests me as in Watari's text file, she attempts to reassure her siblings that her mother still loves the family. i would say its not not even just for the sake of comforting her siblings but also for the sake of her comfort, especially as Watari do genuinely hold some love towards her mother. I feel there's a possibility that her mother has shown genuine care and investment to the family before (like through cleaning as that act can be revealing of some care), at least during the marriage, and so she believes her mother has the potential to still be loving and caring to the family.

additional thoughts

the disillusion with societal standards and expectations towards women & girls as they're an extension of systematic misogyny is so heavily tied to watari's character that it hurts! hurts in the "i understand" way as a girl (kind of) myself. her character is so important. her character hits home as unfortunately in black communities, adultification of black girls is an unfortunate common occurrence. though unsure if the creator took consideration of this, or of misogynoir in general, in watari's story & character.

this really ties nicely to the topic of reclamation being connected to her character, which I've now realized is apart of her character even more than I thought. this interview was *really* great to me. It introduced more questions, introduced more ideas to her character, and more context. This interview felt longer than some other student interviews, which is delicious to me as someone who desperately wishes for more Watari-focused content.

This interview support my claims about her taking on "leadership" role as headmaster as a way to reclaim the leadership roles she has in her life, particularly her role in her family. its fucked that the one time she gets to have fun with being a leader... it's soured. it's fucked that the cases she's tried to be selfish by tending to her comfort and fun, some shit happens. its fucked.

"i don't want to be sad all the time"... "i just want to be a normal child for once!" and many more lines are just so revealing of her constant state of grief. Her longing. Resentment. She is so tragic to me. Sigh. I hope that soon, she will be comforted and the one who is reached out to. I hope her grief will be acknowledged by others more.

This was a lot of typing and editing, and im sure ill have to edit later. Maybe i could expand on some things, but i wanted this to specifically be about Watari Nishino, her character, and her background. Not just her character relating to other characters. Byebye :) this took hours and I need to sleep. i hope things were worded nicely and tastefully. i also tried not to be repetitive.

[exhaslo]

Um, hi, this is my first request, so I'm kind of nervous and will probably ramble. I wanted to ask if you could write a Miguel fic where he's the reader's best friend's older brother? Something like in the song 'Stacey's brother' by Mad Tsai, except that the main character is a girl. Er, so basically, reader has been bff's with Miguel's younger sibling for a long time and she and Miguel started developing feelings for each other over time and he wants to tell his sibling, but she's nervous and feels guilty. So then Miguel starts touching her and teasing her whenever she goes over, trying to get her to crack? And then a spicy hookup scene too? But more soft, like a childhood sweethearts kind of thing? Sorry it's so specific, I just want someone else to write it for me 😭. Okaythanksbye!

Awe! Don't be nervous and I love the idea!!! I'll keep it nice and sweet with a little bit of teasing here and there for you! But don't be afraid to make requests!! :D

Warning: Fluff really, teasing, touching, making out

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since kindergarten, you and Gabriel O'Hara had been best friends. The two of you were like peas in a pod and had to absolute everything together. From then until now, the two of you would always try to be in the same class.

Hell, not even the college life could separate the two of you. Both you and Gabriel had to get into the same college. Once you did, you decided to dorm together, at least you were until his big brother had something to say about it.

You had heard the stories of the big bad brood known as his brother. Miguel O'Hara. Every time you went over to his house, you never saw the man, until now that is. You wanted to find out why his big brother was holding you back from your best friend.

And lord was he your type.

"What gives dude?" You huffed, staring at the large man before you.

"(Y/N), Miguel is mad todaaaaay, he's gonna lecture you!" Gabriel cried out, crawling on the floor as if he was a survivor.

"It isn't like we're together or anything. You know your brother as well as I. He can barely touch himself out help." You said bluntly.

"Ouch, that hurt, (Y/N)."

"This isn't about that," Miguel said with a loud huff, "I just don't think the two of you fools will focus on your school work. You'd just play games all day instead of studying." He admitted.

God, he even sounded fine. You furrowed your brows as you tried to glare towards Miguel. He kept his stern look, towering over you. Whatever girl got with him was lucky indeed.

"Fair enough. Gabriel, why don't you commute from home since you live closer to the college. I'll dorm since my parents are moving out of the city. I can always come over and hang out."

"Here?" Miguel questioned. You glanced at his handsome face,

"Is there a problem?"

"No."

----------

There in fact was a problem. Gabriel was living with Miguel at the time. This was dangerous. Every time you came over, you could barely focus. Miguel was stealing your attention away from your best friend. He was just, oh so fine!

Honestly, you wanted to learn more about Miguel. Sometimes, you purposely went to the house when Gabriel was in class just to play dumb. Miguel offered to have you wait inside for him, but you always chickened out.

But not today.

You honestly thought Gabriel was home when you knocked on the door. The two of your shared a different class and had a project coming up. When Miguel answered the door, you felt your knees grow weak.

"He's at his club," Miguel said as he let you inside. You bit your lower lip, holding your bag tightly,

"Oh, I forgot that was today." You said, plopping yourself on the couch and getting your notes out, "I'll just wait here. We have a project to work on."

"Hm, I remember him saying something about that. What are you working on in the meantime?" Miguel asked as he leaned against the couch, his breathe tickling your ear.

"Biology." You did your best to avoid stuttering.

"Need some help?" Miguel asked as he sat beside you.

You could feel your heart racing as Miguel pressed up against you. His warmth engulfing your side. You were enjoying this. It was hard for you to pay attention as Miguel tutored you. All you could hear was the beating of your heart.

"(Y/N)?" Miguel whispered, his hand against your thigh, "You don't seem to be paying attention."

"Kind of hard, when I have such a good teacher," You muttered.

Miguel just chuckled in response as he stroked your thigh. You scooted closer to him, your hand against his. Your body was getting warmer as you got closer to Miguel. His face was inches away from yours.

"Fiiiiiinally! I thought I'd never be free!" Gabriel gasped, immediately making the two of you move away, "Hm? What are you guys doing?"

"Studying." The two of you said in unison.

----------

You kept going over to 'study' at Miguel's place. Each time, you and Miguel kept getting closer and closer. His hands were roaming a different part of your body while you tried to kiss him. Each time you tried to place your lips against his, something stopped you.

Not this time.

You were sitting beside Miguel, attempting to study. His hands were holding your waist, giving light squeezes every now and then. You were trembling under his touch. You bit your lower lip, leaning into his touch,

"Hey, Miguel," You whispered. Miguel stroked his hands against your back towards your inner thigh,

"Yes, (Y/N)?"

"I want to study something else," You whispered, slowly crawling onto his lap, "Do you think you can teach me this too?"

"I think I can,"

Miguel grinned as you finally kissed him. He hands rested against you waist, deepening the kiss. His tongue pushed itself into your mouth, exploring your wet cavern. You muffled into the kiss, wanting air, but Miguel was dominating you.

"Ugh, what a day," Gabriel sighed as he struggled to open the door.

You quickly rolled off of Miguel, squealing lowly as your skirt lifted up. Miguel resisted a chuckle as he fixed your skirt, his fingers gently grazing over your panties. You felt your heart race as you avoided Miguel's gaze.

"H-Hey, Gab! How was class?" You asked, leaning over the couch. Miguel glanced towards his brother, hiding the fact that his hand was now groping your ass,

"Any news on that test you took?"

"Uh, oh wow. What a beautiful day out. Hey, (Y/N), I just remembered that there is a party going on in the quad. Why don't we go check it out?"

"Sure!" You chirped, trying to ignore Miguel's touch, "Have fun at work, Miggy."

Miguel grunted lowly as he watched you leave with his brother. It felt unfair how he had to hide his relationship with you. You were his precious little girlfriend. You were only a couple years younger, but the fact that Miguel worked full time made his time with you so short. He needed more of you.

-----------

"He'll be fine, let's just tell him." Miguel whispered in your ear as he sucked against your neck. You mewled softly, squirming against his lap,

"B-But he is totally going to sing that deception song," You whined.

"He'll get over it."

"But, Miggy," You whined softly. Miguel hummed to your cries and proceeded to grope your body, "It isn't fun hiding our relationship from him."

"I think it is," Miguel huffed, then heard the door downstairs shut, "He's here. How would you like him to know?"

Miguel smirked as he pinned you against his bed, locking you down with his body. You whimpered, feeling his needy lust and your own. You reached up, kissing Miguel. Miguel held your head, making sure that you left his room exhausted.

"Hey, Migs. I'm going to head over to the library for a bit. If (Y/N) stops by, let her know for me, kay?" Gabriel yelled. Miguel raised a brow, breaking the kiss,

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Well, you're her boyfriend aren't you?" Gabriel yelled.

Both you and Miguel froze and immediately ran downstairs. Gabriel just had a grin on his face,

"C'mon, you're my best friend and he's my brother. I noticed long before you guys even kissed."

"But the song-"

"Sang it at karaoke with the boys," Gabriel laughed. Miguel glanced at your dumbfolded expression and chuckled, picking you up,

"(Y/N), Gabriel's going to be in the library. Guess this gives us more study time."

"Ew, no. I don't want to know!" Gabriel cried out as he ran off. You just laughed,

"Don't worry! You'll be my maid of honor!!!"

"Nooooooooooo!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahaha, hope you enjoyed!

[ghostlightfic]

Okay, one more question about processes because I'm always curious about other writers, but what happened with Nille? I'm curious where the problems were because I think you did really well with her from what I've gotten to read. Might be interesting to see the issues vs the final result!

this ALSO got long so nille-flavored rambles under the cut

sea glass was kind of a nightmare to write in general honestly. i went through 2 different iterations before settling on what got actually posted, along with making a Later nille convo in advance to nail down her character a bit better

part of the problem with sg was that the initial confrontation with nille and loop was... a bit rough to get right. at first i tried to have her confront them along with the rest of the party which was Not Good. having like 7 characters in one interaction just was not working out whatsoever. it also made her beef a lot more immediately apparent to everyone and was defused by the Ghost Of Bambouche thing and it just was not good. it ALSO had nille arguing in front of bonnie which she does her best not to do ever.

second try also had the full group which was bad for the same reasons. it ended up mostly being loop and nille firing back and forth anyway, which left everyone else a bit listless. it was a lot better once i cut the cast for the scene like clean in half LOL....

there's also just that nille's character is very combative especially and specifically towards the pov character which is a bit Rough. i struggled to nail her down (still do a bit) and i often have worries about how she'll be received, but everyone's been very understanding of her and her various issues, which is appreciated!

her swift turnaround is also a bit of a worry for me, because I know why she's more normal now but the audience can only speculate for a while. lucky for me no one has seen it as a copout or anything which was my main concern with snowflake

in general it's just hard to portray someone who is extremely antagonistic to the pov character but who is also like. not a bad person. most of that is because i worry about reception but honestly you have to beat that part of you down or you'll never get anything done

the Last problem is making nille and loop similar enough to be clockable but still distinct in their issues which honestly i think i've done a decently good job at. they can both be really vindictive little shits when they want to, and they're fiercely protective, sometimes overly so. among other various similarities. one of the differences is just that loop has had a while to mellow out and nille uh. Hasn't.

thank you for the ask!! it's fun talking about behind the scenes stuff, i don't really go in-depth much very often! ❤❤❤ as a treat here's a tiny bit from a future loop nille conversation (that may or may not make it into the fic)

[indycinders]

Love interest ranking from Love and Deepspace go

Oh fuck yeah. So for the current boys:

‼️also be warned for spoilers regarding the game and myths and also my own theories‼️

Read more cause this got long

1. Zayne- he’s a doctor for one thing, and that’s something that I tend to gravitate towards. (Harvey in Stardew Valley, Charles in Coral Island, hell even Mr. Silvair is doctor enough for me LMAO)

Ice Evol. Can make it snow whenever I want and make me cute little ice things that never melt. Can you imagine an ice tiara? God that would be so pretty.

He’s pretty autistic-coded too lmao as an AuDHD person I feel seen. He’s also got my kind of humor and I would have so much fun actually bantering with him.

His myths and timelines are tragic. There’s speculation he actually killed us when we were younger (I can expand on this if people want to know). He sacrifices himself for us every time. As Foreseer, he saw every one of our lives together and defied a fucking God so that we could live.

When it comes to Dawnbreaker, I made a specific Cinders for him because I love him so much. He just needs hugs and love and affection. I could ramble on forever about Zayne, honestly. #1 Husband.

2. Sylus- do I really need to say more LMAO he jumped up to husband status the moment I saw how supportive and caring he was in his tete-a-tete.

His voice actor is phenomenal and he has so much emotion and range in his voice alone. I actually find his singing and humming charming hehe. In that new snippet released about the twins, he probably cured Kieran of his protocore syndrome which is sick as hell. Which means his powers of healing can extend to others and not only himself.

His dragon myth made me cry like a lil bitch. I think it was mentioned somewhere in it that when they’re in their full dragon forms, they lose control and go in a frenzy like state. He actually fought for control to save us. Plus that scene in the flower field? Uggghhhhh my heart.

Sylus overall gives me big protective teddy bear vibes. He won’t care what I look like, he cares about my heart and my soul. He doesn’t care about playing games or whatever, he’ll get straight to the point with his feelings and will talk and ACTIVELY LISTEN to mine. He makes me feel safe and secure and seen in a different way. Plus the double checking for consent? Yes, daddy.

3. Rafi- okay Rafayel gets 3rd automatically just because I’m also a Pisces and I looooove merfolk-based characters. Take me swimming in the ocean and help me make friends with whales and sea turtles please.

My only qualm with him is the brattiness. I’m not big on bratty men tbh. I hate it when men are needy and whiny towards me lmao (sexually is a different story- I mean what)

He’s very sweet and loving in his memories which I adore. I had my reservations about him with the way he led us into danger by taking us to the Nest but I eventually realized he also did it in hopes that we would start to remember.

Also I love the Sea God and I screech like a pterodactyl whenever I see him emerge.

4. Xavier- you think he’d be higher considering my taste in toxic possessive fictional men. I think, overall, his character is super interesting and I love that he cares so deeply about us. I mean, he fucking moved into the apartment above us to continue watching out for us lmao I have a feeling he’s been watching us ever since he saved us. Everything he does is for us whether or not even he realizes it.

His interactions with Jeremiah are hilarious when he gets jealous. I love his annoyed voice too, like when we caught him almost blowing up his apartment. Don’t worry Xayxay bae, I’ll cook for you uwu

The qualm I have with him is that he left our queen version and because he hasn’t found the protocore for Philos, he hasn’t gone back. And instead, he fell in love with us. Is he just going to ditch her and the promise of eloping? Is he going to leave current us? Who knows. I have issues with that lmfao.

5. Caleb- not a lot is known right now but I have a feeling he’ll either tie with Sylus or boot him out of second.

[lovesickeros]

lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...

it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy

also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]

gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.

anyway.

there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.

imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.

a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.

the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?

but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.

[dirthamen-enjoyer]

me just rambling about dragon age lore. spoilers for veilguard under the keep reading line.

i wish they had gone down the route of solas not telling the full truth of the evanuris. "they're tyrants and slave owners!" (paraphrase) but in actuality when they get released (ALL OF THEM BC I WANT TO SEE ALL OF THEM) it reveals that there are factions within. those who were actually awful tyrants, those who were lesser evils who never truly helped either side, those that were either secretly or openly helping solas in his rebellion. like imagine the idea of the evanuris that helped him willingly sacrificing themselves to create a stronger seal on the prison. or like the idea that they were genuinely betrayed and have a conflicting relationship with solas after being locked away for so long. i don't like that all the gods are just "tyrants and slave owners." give us variety. not everything should be so cut and dry. and yeah, i don't like that they're just all spirits :/ keep them mysterious immortal beings while solas is the spirit that is used and turned towards the conflict and war.

i also think taking the gods of a diaspora, especially one with clear influences, and making them all evil with no real moral ambiguity wasn't really the best way to go... i understand gods not being morally perfect because many gods within our religions aren't, but there are few that are just "evil" with nothing else to them.

i was going to talk about the reveal that elves are originally spirits that used the titans to become physical and the resulting war, but i got carried away and i think it might be it's own post lol. (it was more about the titans than elves)

i personally don't really like that idea that much because i don't think we need to be given explanations on how races are created. we don't fully know how dwarves came to be, only that dwarves lived with titans. we don't know the full story of qunari, we don't know the full story of humans. so why do we need to know the full story of elves?

i also don't like how the blight changed. i get why, because it can be used by ghilan'nain and elgar'nan, but it also just feels like a copout so they can use it more as a mechanic within the game. popping boils and making puzzles from the blight. taking away how it completely destroys land and taints every single being that comes into prolonged contact with it was not a good change in my opinion. the blight as it was and the taint adds pressure and consequences. they kind of did it with d'meta's crossing, but after that it "changed" more. show us ghouls, show us land actually dying. i loved walking around the western approach, seeing how the blight completely changed the land. i loved finding the silent plains concept art recently.

and to be honest, i don't know how i would have connected creation of the blight to a specific event so i'm not going to really talk about it.

oh and the old gods of tevinter. lame reveal that the dragons were just thralls of the evanuris. taking all these religions and connecting them to one group of people doesn't bring me joy. it makes the world smaller and it takes away the fun of fantasy. as an avid "let the gods being mysterious gods" person, i think the old gods of tevinter should be their own thing. have them be another enemy of the evanuris. you talked about multiple wars? there. another war. maybe it could even be the final wars that started while solas had his rebellion? and the forgotten ones are the old gods, locked away in the abyss (deep underground), while the evanuris are locked away in the sky (the black city / fade).

"how would the tevinter people worship them if they are locked away before humans are said to come to thedas?" easy. retcon. they already love doing that with little things. and honestly i feel like this would be a retcon that most people would not mind as much as other retcons. or, you know, expand on what yavana said in the silent grove about a time before the veil and high dragons in the sky.

was gonna say more but i don't know how to word it well so okie dokie i'm done rambling.

[unformula1]

lost in your eyes (OP81 x LS2)

oscar stares into logan’s eyes (but in a cute fluffy way) w/c: 653 day 25 of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium !!!!! (series masterlist) masterlist

Oscar would never admit that he liked staring into people’s eyes, specifically Logan’s. That was mostly because it was embarrassing and made him look weird, and the last thing he wanted was to lose a friend because of his weird obsession with eyes.

He sat close to Logan. Logan was doing some random media video so he was focused on whatever he had to do. This gave Oscar a rare opportunity to stare. 

He stared into Logan’s eyes. His stare was intense. That wasn’t Oscar’s fault, who asked Logan to have blue eyes, or green if he stared harder. Oscar loved it, he loved the blue-green eyes.

Oscar took a little too long to realise Logan had seen him staring blankly. By the time Oscar realised, Logan was pretty much 3 steps away from Oscar.

Oscar sat up straight, focusing up and clearing his throat as Logan approached him.

“Hi Osc.” Logan greets and Oscar waves.

“Hello.” Oscar says, “How’s your media going?”

“Alright, just finished up.” Logan smiles.

Oscar resists the urge to stare into Logan’s eyes, which look more blue when they’re in the sun. He doesn’t know why Logan wears caps so much, it casts a black shade onto his face and his eyes can’t be seen.

“Cool…” Oscar replies. 

“I saw you staring.” Logan chuckles.

“Me? Staring? NAH. NO WAY.” Oscar laughs awkwardly. He knows he’s messed up but he’s not going to risk it.

“Sure?” Logan raises his eyebrow.

“Yea- YEA I was… uhm staring at your little game. That’s right, the silly little game.” Oscar lets out awkward huffs of laughter.

“Right… It was pretty stupid, huh?” Logan adjusts his shirt and looks up.

Oscar can feel his legs grow weak as the sun rays shoot directly into Logan’s eyes and make his eyes glow some gorgeous looking blue colour.

Almost instantly, Logan covers his face with his hand to block the sunlight.

Logan groans, “This sun is going to get the better of me, I swear.”

“Really? I mean yea.” Oscar clears his throat to buy more time for himself, “It’s hot… huh? But I mean the sun’s got its bright sides too…” 

“Was that supposed to be a joke?” Logan says as he shifts himself to be standing next to Oscar so the sun doesn’t blast directly into his eyes.

“Yes- wait, no. Was it? I don’t know.” Oscar sputters out in chunks of clearly unthought-through words.

“You’re talking funny Osc.” Logan chuckles.

Oscar turns his head slightly and looks at Logan again, but this time from a like a 3/4 profile. It was more beautiful than ever. Oscar couldn’t stop staring, his eyes were quite literally shining. 

Oscar feels like he’s on some ecstasy high.

“Osc. You’re staring… again.” Logan says.

Oscar doesn’t fully process Logan’s words and just nods, “Mhm…”

“That’s all you gotta say?” Logan chuckles slightly.

“Your eyes are pretty.” Oscar blurts out before slapping his mouth.

Shit. What did he just say?

Oscar panics, he isn’t supposed to tell anyone about this.

Logan raises an eyebrow.

“No- Not like in a weird way. It’s just- uhm… I don’t know, they’re glowing right? You get me!” Oscar rambles.

“No… not really.” Logan shakes his head, “But I get why you wanna stare.”

Logan shrugs, flashing a smirk toward Oscar.

Of course Logan had to make a sassy remark.

Oscar awkwardly laughs.

Logan turns his head to face Oscar. Their eyes meet.

For the first time, Oscar’s staring into Logan’s eyes without it being from afar with stolen glances or discreetly staring.

Logan smirks.

Oscar’s in heaven. He’s in paradise.

“Your eyes are gorgeous, you know?” Oscar says.

“I know. Yours are too.” Logan replies.

Oscar’s flattered, he looks down but doesn’t take long before he’s looking back into Logan’s eyes.

They stay like that for a while and honestly, Oscar doesn’t care.

Logan’s eyes are beautiful. They’re breath-taking, they’re stunning.