#success rate is not 100% lmao

[mgu-h]

i do love being an f1 fan in my particular time zone bc sometimes you really got to process all the stages of grief at 9am on a sunday staring into the middle distance for about 20 minutes in the shower before snapping back into being a productive member of society and going about your day

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

i'm not gonna do a big year in review post like i did last year because on a strictly numerical level (a) i probably technically failed most of my resolutions and (b) i don't actually have the data because one of the ones i definitely failed was logging my habits to keep up, which i stopped doing in september when work got crazy and never picked back up. still ultimately i feel good about how things went down, generally. i didn't quite make this the year i got back into reading but i read more than i had the year before for sure, and i saw a lot of movies, most of them interesting or enjoyable, and some other art, too (the jenny holzer installation at the guggenheim, the ibsen play starring jeremy strong). i definitely listened to way more music. i got so good at hydrating by the end of the year that now i feel off if i drink less than 100 ounces a day lmao. i don't think i hit a 50% workout rate but i had a june that took working out off the map for several weeks and then when i tried to get back into it at the level i'd been doing before it sucked and i needed way more rest days for a long ass time; lesson learned for the future, and right now i feel like i have a good routine going. steps was kind of a similar story but this fall was pretty successful (having a zillion clients all over the goddamn city was helpful in that regard). i do want to be more proactive about it on a day to day basis because i do think it might help me sleep to hit that 10k or so (and i think it helps with soreness too, preventatively and amelioratively, which spellcheck says is not a word but should be!!) but i'm feeling more and more like flexibility is the name of the game in some things so while i will be tracking them daily/weekly/monthly this year, i will ultimately consider it a win if i get to december 31 with 3,650,000 behind me.

i fell off on logging and journaling, and never really got a handle on doing mobility work or meditating, but i finished the year feeling like while on the one hand it was nice to know i had enough structures in place to make it through my busy season a little on edge but never really losing my mind, i also felt like ignoring these things completely for a while ultimately as i look back drew my attention to why i wanted to make space for them in the first place; the morning routine stuff is where i get it together enough to check in on my life, process some stuff, and make adjustments as necessary; doing some kind of mobility stuff, even if it's just hitting the foam roller at bedtime, is just physically necessary if i want to keep working out the way i have been working out and i have to stop acting like i can have one without the other.

i decided for 2024 i didn't need to set a guideline around internet use the way i had in 2023, just an intention to be mindful, and, um, well that was a huge failure but an instructive one; again, lesson learned (and it's actually crazy how much even a guided 5 meditation in the morning alters my basic instincts for the rest of the day about when i want to Scroll). i didn't floss........ i should floss.

i did okay with doing Life Tasks semi-regularly and the attitude of "20 minutes Task Time per day" was helpful in some ways but didn't address the Giant Ever Growing Backlog Of Tasks I Have Been Putting Off For Months To Years, which suggests a need for a new approach; this year i'm gonna try a tip i read somewhere to plan out your tasks on a weekly basis, including scheduling them, not just throwing them on a "weekly to-do list," and aim for 5 a week. i gave up on 20 minutes of digital tidying per day and i think the answer there is just to not set a minimum above the minimum, so to speak. if i delete 5 emails or unsubscribe from 1 thing that counts.

i don't know how i wound up doing with my goal to have One Human Connection Per Day (At Least Half The Days Of The Year) but i had a lot of fun this year and i am finishing it feeling in many ways still awkward and neurotic but more connected and secure than i was a year ago, and feeling almost overwhelmed with how true it feels to say "my life is full of doing fun stuff with people i like" after all the years i spent convinced this was completely impossible for me to achieve. this year i don't think i'm going to slot this into my daily habits, partly because sometimes multiple things happen on one day or i text someone to initiate plans-making on the same day someone texts me, partly because the advice i saw about doing stuff also recommend task-batching and i think there may be some utility to that here as well, and partly because well i do have a schedule that is incredibly variable by week and season and this past fall for example i'm not sure i could have handled much more in september/october than free store + one fun thing a week which is more or less how it shook out for a while there. i also don't think i'm going to set a number because, well, i feel good about it right now. i do want to set a non-quantifiable intention to keep getting a little braver about forging new connections or deepening ones that are shallow but seem promising (serial killer way to say "making friends" sorry i am still in some ways quite Insane about this topic, the prime locus of my insanity for many years), and within that specifically to keep getting better at going to local stuff even when none of my closest local friends are going to be there as my security blanket lol. this year early on i finally texted someone i knew from pantry biz with whom i had exchanged mutual "we should hang out sometime" sentiments and it turns out that they're one of those people where once someone else makes the first move they welcome you in a lot so that the "hey, wanna catch a movie or something?" text i sent while deep breathing (because i am Insane) wound up leading pretty directly to a bunch of other incredibly fun 2024 memories, which is like almost irritatingly on the nose as a life lesson but otherwise very nice. relatedly (to texting that stresses me out because of my Problems) i want to get better at texting people back in a timely fashion and also at being more impulsive in a positive way about sending texts when people are on my mind.

the two things i feel real regret over this year are the reading thing and also writing... not a great year for writing, although i can at least look back on i would say three newsletters i'm proud of and one fic i was very glad to complete. i also did... okay... at contributing at the singles jukebox now that We're So Back on a monthly schedule. but i wrote basically nothing other than the occasional blurb after sometime in may and that feels bad and also suggests i need to find some way to integrate writing more reliably into my routine. i don't want to set a word count goal because part of what's going on is that i have some projects i'm picking away at that are more demanding of planning & brainstorming & slower more considered writing than my usual (beloved!) genres of Blogging and Fanfiction but i do think it needs to be quantifiable because ummm otherwise i simply will Not. so i am thinking this is a daily goal too. same goes for reading and in that case i do think i can set an outcome goal, which is 50 books.

ok well i guess this wound up being a year in review post anyway lmao. whatever it's capricorn season it's my time to shine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! neatened up resolutions post for my own ease of reference incoming shortly

[melodymay-k1tty]

Hello...

Well, could you do a scenario where the S/O should take care of some drunk OC and they declare their love to her or something...? Well, actually that would be cool with a Fem!Reader, but do as you wish, it's your choice!🫠💕 Btw I would also admire if in Part 1 you could include Sabo and Corazon in particular, I would really like to see them in this situation lmao😵‍💫

SABO ★ CORAZON ★ SANJI ★ LAW: DECLARING HIS LOVE FOR S/O AFTER GETTING DRUNK.

A/N: Well, I'm new to this scenario thing, and I'm not that big a fan of requests, cuz I can't write about something if I don't feel it in my heart... But I think I can manage about it. So here it is. Thank you so much for all your love, care and support! 🤧🩷

Age Rating: +12

Content Warning: consumption of alcoholic drinks. kiss description. maybe a little angst.

Genres: fluffy. headcanons (scenario).

Characters: sabo x fem!reader. corazon x fem!reader. sanji x fem!reader. law x fem!reader.

Word Count: 2.2k

SABO (Being the user of Mera Mera no Mi🔥)

• You are a high-ranking officer in the Revolutionary Army, Sabo's right-hand. After a successful mission of the two of you in Dressrosa, he decided to invite you to drink something in a bar, which was located on an island nearby. You accepted.

• You're not a big fan of alcohol, but Sabo didn't know that. The blonde guy, on the other hand, was a big fan of alcoholic drinks, and used to consume it whenever he was successful in his missions (which is quite often).

• He sat at the counter bar after you two comes there, and you did the same. Sabo called for a waiter who came immediately. He placed his order, which was beer, and asked you to order yours.

“I'll have a non-alcoholic strawberry cocktail with condensed milk, please.” You talk while the waiter writes it down on his pad of paper.

“Alright, ma'am and sir. I will bring your order soon.” He speaks after withdrawing from there.

Sabo looked at you in a somewhat strange way. “You don’t drink alcohol?”

“No, I like sweet drinks more.” You speak while he stares at you seriously, but he soon opens a smile. “Cutie.” He smiles like a know-it-all.

You looked at him strangely, and he immediately retaliated. “I meant, you look like a cute little girl acting like that.” He makes fun of your face a little.

“Sabo...” You look at him with hate and you were ready to attack him. But the waiter interrupts them.

“Your order is almost ready. In the meantime, would you like to fill out this survey?” He asks while handing over a sheet with some questions.

“What is it about?” You ask. “Can't you read, little girl?” Sabo laughs and makes fun of your face some more. “It's a survey about couples, and here it also says that couples who respond will get a discount of up to 50% on the amount spent at the bar.” He says with his knowing smile.

“But we're not a cou...” Before you can finish your sentence, Sabo puts his hand over your mouth, preventing you from speaking. “Will we really get that discount?” He asks the waiter, with his usual smile.

“Of course, sir. Just complete the survey with your girlfriend, and you'll get 50% off. It's a data collection survey for an article that will be released on Valentine's Day, in the island's local newspaper.”

“I understand. I'll do it as soon as possible then.” Sabo speaks enthusiastically to the waiter who leaves. The blondie starts marking off some answers on the survey, like we're really dating.

You had already understood that Sabo was a cheapskate and didn't like to spend money on others. So you decided to just leave it down.

He finished marking the answers, and shortly after that, your drinks arrived.

You two started drinking, but Sabo got too carried away. He ordered more and more glasses of beer, one after another. Maybe he was thinking that 50% off could become 100%...

And when you least realized it, he was out of his mind. “Y/N, let's go home soon” he grumble drunkenly, collapsing on top of you.

His sleepy voice showed just how much alcohol had already knocked him out. You saw no option but to take him for home.

“Okay, just let me pay the bill first” Apparently, the account is left for you. But thinking on the bright side, at least a discount you would have.

Sabo couldn't even pay attention to what you said. You then placed him gently propped up in the chair, and got up to go pay the bill.

After that, you put him on your shoulders and left the bar with him.

“How heavy he is...” You complain while carrying he with difficulties.

He had a stupid smile on his face, he looked like a retard. You looked at him strangely.

“What it is?” You asked arching your eyebrow. Sabo acted strange after your question, he turned red and sparks started to come out of his logia body.

He smirks again, his cheeks getting redder.

“Y/N, I love you…” His stupid smile gave it all away. You were in shock and ended up letting go of him, letting him fall to the ground.

“AAUGH!” he lets out a groan of pain as he strokes his own head. “Hmph. Y/N, why are you so mean to me?” he says this as he gets up, and his drunken body begins to stagger.

“I'm sorry, Sabo...” You say as you help him up. “Y-you… Are you serious?” you widen your eyes.

“Y/N, I want to sleep with you today and always...” he closed his eyes and was about to fall asleep. You leaned against a bench, pulling Sabo with you, and make a phone call for Dragon, who went to get you and took you to your house.

You two went to your rooms, and you went to sleep thoughtfully.

The next day you woke up and went to the kitchen for breakfast, bumping into Sabo, who blushed violently when he saw you. But now, in an embarrassed way.

“H-hello, I-I'm sorry about what happened yesterday...” He speaks awkwardly. “It's okay, Sabo-kun...” You smile sweetly.

You two was in a compelling silent for a while. Until he decides to say something. “I think we need to talk… I need to clear something up.”

“Sure, what is it?” You looked fine on the outside, but on the inside, your heart was beating hard with fear of what he might say to you.

“Dragon told me everything. I know what I say to you in yesterday night, and about that... I need to tell you that it's really true.” Now he was staring at you. And again, sparks were shooting out of his body, his face was red and he was probably really fear of what you might say too.

“Sabo-kun...” You murmur.

“Okay, I understand that you might not feel the same about me. But I would like you to know that, although.” He says as him leave the kitchen, but you pull him by the arm.

“S-Sabo...” You look deep into his eyes, and he looks into yours. Your bright eyes never stopped looking at each other. “I love you too.” You said as you approached him. The blondie approached you too, shifting his gaze between your eyes and your lips.

He placed his big hand on your face, and kissed you passionately but calmly. Your lips glued to each other, were making your bodies approach too, and in a matter of moments, you and Sabo were glued and your kiss was getting even more intense and passionate.

“I am the happiest man in the world to know that, my little girl.” He speaks after parting with you, stroking your hair and smiling cutely at you. “But I love you more...”

Finally you could understand, that he didn't do the couple survey to get a discount, but because he loves you and, in fact, wanted you like his girlfriend.

CORAZON ♠️

• You were part of the Donquixote Pirates, led by the infamous Doflamingo. While you were still living in Spider Miles, the whole family was gathered at the table and having dinner, when you felt someone poke you under the table.

• You looked to the side, seeing Corazon's serene face disguise as he lit a cigarette. He had left a note on top of your thighs.

• You pocketed the note and politely left the table, getting Doflamingo's permission. You went to your room and read the note. On it was written “You said you wanted to get to know me better. We're going out to eat today, I know of a wonderful restaurant nearby. I hope you isn't full yet.” You opened a silly smile when you read the note, and ran to change your clothes, and soon to meet him discreetly outside. You climbed out your bedroom window and left, going to meet Corazon.

He was leaning against the wall outside the house. As always in silence, lighting his cigarette. When he realized you were there, he stared fixedly at you, and let his cigarette go out carelessly.

“Wh-what is?” You asked embarrassed as you crossed your legs because of your momentary shyness.

“Nothing” He answered coldly and walked away, and you followed him. You felt honored that you were the only person who knew Corazon could speak. It was like you were special.

You two finally arrived at the restaurant, beautifully decorated with artifacts of dragons and other ancient legends creatures. The food smelled divine.

“Hmm” You mutter at that delicious smell. “Maybe you really were right when you said this restaurant is wonderful, Corazon” You say smiling.

“You can be sure I don't make mistakes when it comes to food” He replied confidently and sat down at a table in the corner of the restaurant, with your company.

The waiter came to serve us with a menu in hand. “Good night, sir and ma'am. What will you want for today? Our menu is full of original and exclusive recipes only from here, but we also have traditional ones” He says as he places the menu on the table.

“I'll have the dragon meat in white sauce, with vegetables and all the extras. For a drink, I would like a red wine and a white wine” Corazon spoke without even thinking twice, making you speechless.

“Right, sir” The waiter takes your order. “And Ma'am, what will you want?” he asks you, while Corazon looks at you waiting for your answer.

“T-the same as him. But instead of wine, I would like a melon juice” You say with a little embarrassment, for not ordering something fancier.

“Alright, your order will arrive within 30 minutes” The waiter speaks after bowing and leaving.

You felt Corazon's heavy gaze on you. “What do you want to know about me?” He asks suspicious.

You were intimidated by his look, but you answered him. “I just wanted a friend. Sometimes I feel really lonely around here... And looking at Doffy's face really isn't one of the best hobbies” He looked convinced by your answer. "I understand. In that case, I'm sorry to tell you, but I can't be a friend.”

“N-no? Why?” You ask incredulously.

He gives a blank look and then lights his cigarette. “It's complicated to explain to you, but it's better that way. We can’t have any kind of bond.”

You give him a sad and downcast look. “I see, it's okay.”

And so, you talk about friendship ends there, until you two talk about the crew matters, and the food finally arrives.

“Hmm, wow! It smells delicious. I've never tasted dragon meat before. I thought they were extinct...” You say looking appetizingly at the food.

“Dragons are just hard to find, but they never went extinct” Corazon is as serious as ever as he begins to cut his meat and eat it. You could see a bright in his eyes as he tasted the meat, and the same happens to you.

After a few minutes, you realized that Corazon was acting strange. He'd started to get tipsy after drinking so many glasses of wine, and he'd even had a little whiskey too.

He got up abruptly, you ran to hold him when you saw that he had almost fallen to the ground. “C-corazon! Are you okay?" You ask worriedly as you hold in his shoulders.

His eyes were small and bloodshot, probably from the drunken effect of alcohol. “Y/N... I...” He tries to say something with difficulty.

“Please don't do that again!” You scold him. “You almost fell, you know how worried I was?” You ask angrily and as you look at him, you see that he is staring at you with twinkling eyes. He approached you slowly, when he finally pressed his lips to yours.

“Y/N, I… love you” He whispers after breaking away from the kiss. “But we can't be together, only for your own good” Tears start to fall from his eyes.

“W-what? What are you talking about, Cora-san?” you ask incredulously. “D-do you love me?” Your eyes widen. “And why are you saying that? We can not be together? What...?"

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds as the tears fall down his face. Until Corazon finally says something...

“I... I CAN'T!” He screams while crying. “I'm on a suicide mission, I'm going to die. I'm cheating on Doffy, Y/N” He keeps crying “I love you so much, and I don't know if you feel the same, but...”

“Ya, Corazon! I feel the same, I love you too!” You grab his shirt with your fingernails and speak with desperation.

Gently, he removes your hands from his shirt, and squeezes it affectionately. “I'm sorry, Y/N” He speaks with a look filled with sadness. “But I can't risk losing you or hurting you. We can't be together, and you can't get attached to me. Please… Just forget about it” He asks while stroking your chin with his thumb.

You start crying uncontrollably.

“I'm going to die... It's just a matter of time” He whispers sadly, which makes you cry even more, and hug him tightly, not wanting to leave him never ever.

He gently separates you from the embrace.

“But know that I will always love you, my sweet Y/N” Corazon finally smiles, a smile so big as the love you feel for him.

You will never accept your parting words.

SANJI 💐

(The rest I will continue later)

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 24 thoughts

here we are. the s3 finale. i am so excited!!! and after such a fantastic last episode, my expectations are high. also, having now seen 3 season finales, i have the sneaking suspicion that this one will also be a cliffhanger, which will get on my nerves a bit i’m sure as i get all my s3 stuff around before beginning s4, but again i extend my retroactive sympathies to the people who had to wait like a year to actually see what happened next back when it was airing. 

(author's note: since this one involved a lot of shape shifting, writing a play-by-play description of what was going on was quite tricky. just know i did my best and hopefully that is what matters <3)

this episode description makes it sounds like i’m gonna cry from some mulder family angst. i am preparing myself mentally. 

we shall begin.

we open at a food court sort of situation, which makes me once again mourn the fact that i missed the golden age of malls, as i would have devoured that. oh, it actually seems to just be a restaurant. well, my own wishful thinking, i suppose.

this man is very upset and making others uncomfortable with his loud yelling slash crying. so he pulls out a gun which makes people even more uncomfortable. he says the kids can leave but everyone else has to stay which seems like it will make things much worse for those kids?? but i digress.

a second man emerges from the back, asking the fellow with the gun to please not shoot. this second man is in a suit and tie, and has a very calming presence. to me, he shall be calming man. calming man talks him out of shooting, and i’m thinking yes!! what a save!!!

... until the gunman sees the police arrive, and then he DOES start shooting into the crowed. this is so sad to see happening. shooter has a bullet wound to the chest from the snipers outside sent to stop him, but calming man says he is not going to die, and heals him by placing his hand on him????

WOAH….. calming man….. you have powers…… get him in a hospital STAT, we need him to lay hands on a LOT of people... like a priest with a 100% success rate

mulder and scully are rolling up to the scene. scully is baffled because there is no one that needs medical attention, despite hearing that a bunch of people got shot!!

so she talks to one of the guys that was shot, and he only has a little hole in his shirt, which she simply lifts up and looks under. and i was laughing because she was in Doctor Mode but it is lowkey weird as hell to just lift some dude’s shirt up and analyze his tummy LMAO. oh she is so endearing to me. this man explains that even though he was shot, calming man touched him and said everything would be okay, and it was! that's suspicious. that's weird.

mulder is peeking his head into the car where the shooter is being held (typical mulder activities, peeking his head into places and whatnot) then he gets right in there with him. the shooter’s name is mr. muntz, and mulder wants to know what happened. mulder has some messy hair going on, but he is speaking very calmly and professionally... that oxford psych degree is showing!

mr. muntz says god spared his life, assuming that calming man must have been sent by god OR is god himself. which i suppose is a logical conclusion to draw.

somehow, calming man just DISAPPEARED from the scene. which is not what you want a guy to do in such a situation!!! unless, perhaps, he has fled to do some more miracle working, in which case i hope he teleports far and wide.

cutscene to rhode island. this lady is approaching a house, which is filled with plastic covering all of the furniture.

(author's note: i literally had no idea that "this lady" was mrs. mulder. and honestly given how much attention i pay to all the details- from the exact episode mulder mentioned jimi hendrix that one time to knowing scully did her residency in forensic medicine- i have no excuse for this. it is deeply humbling to realize the limits of my memory, which so often i think is close to fool-proof. i apologize to mrs. mulder but i, for some reason, thought she had brown hair. please accept my heartfelt apology, mrs. mulder. i have only seen you briefly before, which is a reason, but not an excuse for such a careless mistake)

she walks in, and sees a door is open to the outside. so she (author's note: mrs. mulder) follows along, and who does she see but CANCER MAN??? he remarks that everything changes but the sea. well the sea is constantly changing so take that, cancer man.

this woman (MRS. MULDER, god i'm cringing at my past self) wants to know what exactly he wants from her, and he says “we used to have so much to say to each other” ???? “SO MANY GOOD TIMES AT THE MULDERS’ SUMMER PLACE” HUH???

he makes a jab about how bill wasn’t as good at water skiing as he was, but that could be said about so many thing, couldn’t it? and WHERE DOES THIS DUDE GET OFF? 

(this is funny because cancer man lowkey sucks at his job and i won't let him forget that. like at the big UN council meeting everyone was pissed at him for losing the tape and trying to kill skinner and being generally just Fucking Bad at his work, so for him to say all this is quite comical)

the woman says she has repressed it all and i don’t blame her because i would also want to repress any moments with this man, but he says he came her to make her remember something. they’re fighting as a camera takes pictures. WHO IS TAKING PICTURES OF THIS?

okay, back to the virginia crime scene with our agents. calming man has given his name as “jeremiah smith”, but left a fake P.O. box and has no driver’s license. suspicious!!!!

mulder gets a call from skinner- one that “might cause him some alarm”. it’s his mother!!! she has been admitted to the hospital in rhode island, in serious condition!!! skinner stumbles on the pronunciation of the town she's in, but clearly it means something to mulder, because he knows where she is!! he says he is on his way

next thing we see is him bursting in into the room, with scully waiting behind him. something so lovely about scully coming along to be with him at such a terrible moment.

OMG IT’S HIS MOM….. why did i forget what his mom looked like?? am i actually the worst at this?? (<- the moment i Realized)

he grabs her hand and puts his hand on her forehead (i’m going to cry) and scully comes in and explains that she had a stroke. he notices that she is cold and puts another blanket over her (oh my gosh... such an attentive and caring son) and scully tries to reassure him not to think the worst, that people recover from these situations all of the time. i paused to write this down and he has this big sad eyes and i’m gonna CRY. he’s touching her hair and whispering “mom” and AUGHHHH. his only remaining family member...

apparently a 911 call came in… i guess that it was probably cancer man who called. and who probably did this somehow.

OH! she opens her eyes! he smiles at her and tells her everything is going to be okay. ohhh, sweet man...

scully realizes mrs. mulder wants something to write on, and busts out a pen and paper because she is always prepared!!!! and i love that about her!!!

so mrs. mulder writes on the paper “PALM”, which he looks at and repeats, but it’s not clear if he gets what that means or not. here i am thinking that it means some sort of treasure will be hidden beneath a palm tree

he’s watching her being taken away to another hospital as scully looks at some paperwork to figure out what exactly happened to her. and she uses her doctoral skills to tell him that they are optimistic on her recovery. it’s so sweet 😭😭😭 she does everything she can to ease his worries. i love her!!!!!!

but mulder thinks there is a correlation between what went down at the shooting in virginia and here- because she wrote the word “palm”, which is what calming man used to heal the victims of the gunman. and that seems like a stretch to me and to scully, but a grieving mind works in intricate ways, and we already know that mulder has the most intricate of minds, so maybe he's onto something.

he senses that it’s a bit of a leap, and she tries to very gently explain that it might not mean anything, that her brain has been radically changed. she says she is gonna drive him to the nearest motel (😭😭😭) and he says no, we’re going to DC and finding out who this calming man "jeremiah smith" is. omg buddy let her book you a motel and get some rest... but no, for he has entered his bloodhound mode, and there is no stopping him in such a situation

so now it’s 8:25 am the next day, and they are watching some tapes from the news footage while she sits on his desk. and sure enough, they find the guy on the newsreel- calming man jeremiah smith- and they even see that he vanished! it seems like someone else took his place, wearing the same clothes??? now how would that work….

mulder decides he must leave, and where to? “if i told you, you’d never let me go” <- okay well at least he’s sort of honest? scully reminds him he hasn’t slept in 24 hours, but he goes on anyway, telling her to give him a call if she finds anything on the tapes. a sigh from scully as she wonders what the hell he is up to.

now we’re at the social security administration, which is frankly pretty dystopian- so very aggressively white, with spaced out desks, giving extreme retro futurism in that special 90's kind of way. but here is the calming man at a desk, as tons of people in suits and with microphones come in! calming man jeremiah smith walks out the back door and is snagged… under the watchful eye of CANCER MAN??????

seriously, what does this dude even DO beyond be mysterious and nosy?!!!

so they put calming man jeremiah smith in a full body restraint and bring him into some sort of jail cell???? i just KNOW he was not read his rights, too...

mulder, meanwhile, has driven all the way BACK to rhode island, to the house covered in plastic. it is very quiet and dark. he makes his way outside, where we see someone watching him. it’s X!!!!!

X opens the door and tells mulder that cancer man was HERE WITH HER. IT WAS ON HIS ORDERS THE PHOTOS OF THEM FIGHTING WERE TAKEN!!! or maybe it was him hiding in the bushes snapping the pics?? that option is funnier to imagine, so i shall.

X is shocked that mulder didn’t know his mother and cancer man knew each other, but he very seriously says that he has no idea. and X clarifies that he didn’t hurt her, she collapsed AFTER he left- it was X that made the phone call to 911!

ah, that makes more sense than cancer man doing the calling, as i had suspected. although, clearly cancer man WANTS something from her, so maybe he would want to save her life. but then i had assumed he was the one who somehow made her have a stroke- but if he wanted something from her, nearly killing her would make that hard, right? unless he just comes close enough in killing her to scare her... hmm, i'm theorizing, and it feels like some sort of sick chess game.

OH! it seems cancer man wants something in this house. and mulder is surprised because on the day his parents divorced, she promised to never set foot here again. in the "SUMMER HOUSE"- yes, that was the wording he used. bro... how much money were they paying his dad to mess with aliens for them to live in martha’s vineyard AND have a summer house? 😭😭 that was blood money they were paying him fr and it must have been a hell of a paycheck. i have student loans, maybe i should get into the alien secrets business.

so whatever is here has to be important. but mulder tells X he has no idea what it is. xXseems to be hiding something, but maybe that is just his face.

back at the FBI, scully is heading out- or possibly heading back into work? as she does this, “jeremiah smith” arrives! she is very taken aback but jumps into work immediately. he says he is here to turn himself in, because it was claimed he fled a crime scene.

SO WAS THAT NOT HIM IN THE FULL BODY RESTRAINT?? or are we dealing with teleportation here? i mean we have healing already, teleportation isn’t much of a jump i suppose. 

(i was so damn confused lol)

now we are with calming man jeremiah smith in skinner’s office, where he claims that everything seemed like a dream from the moment he told the man to put his gun down forward. he claims he doesn’t remember anything, not even giving a false address. he only remembers showing up for work the next day. so... was his body like possessed or something?

he’s like “what did i do wrong :(“ and scully says he didn’t do anything wrong!!!!! skinner says that he can go, but to let them know if he leaves town. she shrugs her shoulders at skinner, not knowing what happened. scully is so kind...

back to rhode island, where mulder has a flashlight. the house is covered with children’s artwork and whimsical chickens. he’s looking through all of the stuff for anything of interest. it’s a fascinating walk through of how they must have lived, with her sewing kits tucked in drawers and toys in boxes. something about seeing their childhood makes my heart want to melt. poor kids, they had no idea what was to come...

he’s getting angry at not finding anything of use, tossing things around, before sitting on the now non-plastic covered couch, when he pulls her note out- and realizes that “palm” is an anagram for “lamp”! is this a clue??? must we inspect the lamps??? of which there are many???

yes, we must. he’s throwing this first one into the wall like link when he sees a pot that might have a rupee in it. but it doesn’t seem to have anything useful in the first one, so it becomes a lamp tossing session. and in the second one, he finds a metal tube thing!!! 

when he presses the side of the metal tube thing, a giant needle emerges!! is this one of those needles they used in s2 to vanquish the nearly indestructible aliens?? are there more in any other lamps??

now cancer man is back in the jail cell with the dude he took hostage that i thought was calming man jeremiah smith. well, whoever it is, he has jeremiah smith’s face. cancer man very dramatically sits in front of him and lights up. jeremiah says he isn’t ashamed of his actions, but cancer man says he isn’t “allowed to put your indulgences ahead of the greater purpose”. OH! so this must be a real life alien. that takes people’s shapes? i suppose?

YES! like that hit man did in the s2 arc that wound up with mulder nearly dead after the battle of that strange submarine!! whose blood induced the virus that led him to be soaked in an ice bath! i’m recalling!!

so, calming man jeremiah smith says he no longer believes in the "greater purpose", to which cancer man replies “then your fate is just”.

now hold on. what are you going to do to this man? there might be some intergalactic diplomatic repercussions for acting unwisely here, bucko.

they’re having a poetry off as they talk about duty and the terror of jeremiah smith giving the people hope. cancer man says men can never be free because they are “weak, corrupt, worthless, and restless”, some of my favorite adjectives . so he sees himself as this authority figure adjacent to god in this world in which man no longer believes.

well he's wrong on many accounts for 1. he is not god, just a guy who lowkey sucks at his alien job, and 2. scully is very much a believer of god and science, so take your stupid dichotomies and ego and smoke on THAT, cancer man

oh, but the tables are turning. “how many must die at your hand to preserve your stake in the project?” ooooh read him, calming man jeremiah smith!!! get him for me and again for missy.

cancer man seems deeply unsettled and tries to get out because calming man jeremiah smith is no longer calming man… HE HAS A NEW FACE?? IS THAT DEEP THROAT! he seems deeply scared… was cancer man scared of deep throat??? what was their power dynamic?!? oh, the things we will likely never know...

i have missed seeing deep throat around. but cancer man basically says that this alien’s execution date is coming. damn. they kill you for saving others. we really live in a society...

back to mulder, who is barging into skinner’s office. he tells his secretary to hold his calls, and it is appearing evident that he has not slept in a long time. he walks right into a meeting between skinner and scully, and says he wants his name and everything about "him"! which "him", you ask? you know the one!

“i want the smoking man smoked out; i want him exposed to be the murdering son of a bitch that he is” he says, and YAAAAS i have been wanting to say these lines for 3 seasons now!!!

skinner is not pleased with this, and reveals that he doesn’t even KNOW his name, nor how he can find it, and they are yelllling. mulder says to scully that cancer man is trying to kill calming man jeremiah smith, but she says that he had JUST been there, and he works for the social security administration, which sets mulder off on another quest. in which she joins!!

(skinner says something really interesting here- that there might have been a time when he could have been able to find out cancer man's identity, but that time has since passed. very interesting, i'd love to know what that means...)

off to the faraway and magical land of the social security administration, where mulder apprehends jeremiah smith. he looks to scully asking what is going on, and she also has no answers. 

so they get to the FBI and he starts to bolt!!! he falls down and comes up… with a new face?!! and then he disappears into the crowd!!! 

SO WHAT IS GOING ON??? are there TWO ALIENS?? are they TELEPORTING?? are they shapeshifting?? HUH??

cancer man goes back to the individual i shall now refer to as the “jail cell alien” because he no longer bears the face of calming man. damn, this is really confusing to write out, and very much tied to visual media as a storytelling vessel. i hope that you are familiar with what i’m talking about so you have any idea what i’m even saying, because i realize it sounds deeply incomprehensible.

alien asks why cancer man is so afraid of him, and claims that he knows everything about him. OH! “you think you’re god- you’re a drone, a cataloguer, chattel”, says cancer man, to which he is met with the reply “what you’re afraid of is they’ll believe i am god”

HEY WHAT! so what exactly is this dude’s job description?? like, either of them.

they’re talking about god and belief and fear and rule- “they don’t believe in Him, but they still fear Him” <- ooooh banger line on part of the cancer man.

(it seems that there is probably some very intentional real-world commentary on the illusion of freedom under democracy, the nature of the surveillance state, and how people are satiated under capitalism with all this talk to appeasement and there not being a god, but i’m not trying to crack that right now. i’m trying to figure out what this alien dude does beyond heal people and be cryptic. he says that humans have love, which makes them “better than us- better than you” SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? can he feel no love?)

they’re referring to some sort of process, and how cancer man wants to be involved when it begins, which i’m guessing is referring to some sort of alien-human joint conquest or hybridization or something?

GASP! alien changes his face again and proclaims that cancer man is… DYING OF LUNG CANCER!

fork spotted in kitchen. however, cancer man is sincerely gagged and doesn’t believe it. the absolute buffoonery going on…

now the alien from before that had escaped from the clutches of our agents has shape shifter again?? into the hit man we saw in s2! with the special alien killing needle!

so my memory is foggy… these aliens that the hit men are hunting are dissenters from the overall alien regime, right? they’re not different species of alien entirely? 

but then what/who are the little grey ones…. are we witnessing intergalactic warfare here…?

(i gotta be so honest, i come here for the lingering tension between mulder and scully, so i’m a little fuzzy on how the actual alien stuff works)

anyway, the cronies of cancer man are bringing the hit man and his lethal needle into the cell where they’re holding the alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith, but… he isn’t in there!!!!! where did he go!!?!

so we have two aliens, both shapeshifters, taking the same face at times, one trying to kill the other. also cancer man is here and mulder’s mom is in the hospital, and for some reason she had one of those needles in her house. okay, i’ve got it.

back to the hospital- his mom isn’t getting better, and he is struggling to hear that, pulling a chair next to her while his eyes fill with tears. he’s crying as he holds her hand to his cheek. poor mulder :( losing all of his family :( it’s so sad honestly to see him cry :(

he leaves the room, attempts to compose himself, and sees cancer man in the hall!!!! uh oh! so mulder GRABS him, throws him against the wall, and pulls out his gun, saying “you gonna smoke that, or you want to smoke on this?” <- WHEW!!!!!!! he was not playing around before but now he is a NEW level of locked in… but careful… if you kill him, what he knows goes with him….

he even offers to give him brain damage but not kill him, so he can suffer like his mother does (DAMN!), which prompts the reveal that cancer man has known his mother since before he was born. he thinks about this and decides that he does NOT give a fuck.

he claims that SHE contacted HIM, (which isn’t what happened because we SAW what happened at the start of the episode?? he wanted her to remember something??) and also that he has possible information on his sister’s location. how many people are going to use this line on our guy...?

mulder puts the gun down as a nurse walks in, pivoting to asking where his sister is- but the man who might have that information has disappeared, according to cancer man. so he must be referring to the alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith.

mulder keeps saying that he has what he wants, presumably referring to the lethal needles, but cancer man denies wanting anything except to see how his mother is doing. he furiously puts his gun away. 

back to scully cam!!! it’s late at night, but she is still at work, and she has her glasses on because she’s on the computer <3 she seems… puzzled. for the social security administration has records on SIX different jeremiah smiths, all from different locations, but with the SAME FACE!!! this is weird enough to prompt a call to mulder, who has no service, but is very angry in an empty parking lot. 

X emerges into the parking lot- he is always emerging from places- and asks if he has “it”. he demands mulder give it to him, but he refuses. 

mulder (correctly) points out that it is a weapon used to pierce the back of an alien's neck, which is the only way we can kill “them”. and X says it’s value will soar when the truth is revealed, so i’m wondering if we can get a rough time frame on when that will be so i can get my things in order before then. X says they will kill him for it, even if it risks making him a martyr and his research coming to light. oh, they must want it really bad... maybe it's a special kind of needle you just can't get on earth.

mulder says to X, so you’re talking about colonization, and you have a date, don’t you? but he refuses to give the weapon over. prompting a battle! they seem pretty evenly matched, and they both pull their guns out. 

“if you shoot me, you’ll never find it” “i ought to shoot you anyway, after everything i’ve given you” says X, and WELL! X, you didn’t really do all that distribution of clues to mulder out of the goodness of your heart, did you… you’re leading him on a little quest on cancer man’s order’s, aren’t you???? I THINK YOU ARE!! but i don’t KNOW, because why then would he SNITCH on cancer man with those photos??!!!!

(not super clear on why exactly mulder wants to keep this thing other than keeping it out of the hands of evil, but maybe that is enough of a reason for him)

so they both have guns pointed at each other, and they’re limping away, and X announces that mulder is a dead man one way or the other. ????!!!!! i do not want him to be a dead man...

scully comes home to her place at 1 am… but someone is at the door. someone claiming to be jeremiah smith!!!! chat... do we believe it? and how did he even find where she lives...

he asks to be let in… and she is gonna let him in…? with only 3 minutes left in the episode….?! seems a risky move!

he says he has information on her partner and his sister. and scully says, well why didn’t you bring that up before!!! a very valid question! but get this- it's because he’s never SPOKEN to her before- that other man was an imposter, sent there to kill him!!!

OOOOH okay. so now the dual shape shifting aliens thing makes sense. one sent to hunt the other for breaking the rules... got it.

her phone is ringing as this goes down. it’s mulder, saying that “they” are looking for jeremiah smith, and to meet up off the I-95. so it’s very dark and creepy as they go to the rendez vous point.

mulder makes scully get behind him, getting between her and the alien formerly known as jeremiah smith (🩷) as he pulls out the alien killing needle. and this guy claims to be the OG calming man that healed those people, but that’s not really enough evidence for a guy like mulder. despite mulder's suspicious, the alien keeps saying he can explain everything. but first, mulder orders that he must come to see his mother.

OMG! so he wants to use the alien's powers to heal his mother! do you think it could work? i mean, a stroke and a bullet are different kinds of hurt... but maybe he could pull it off?

OH NO!!! who rolls up to this dark and creepy scene, but the hit man!!! a loud crescendo of music is playing and we get a TO BE CONTINUED

DAMN YOU, CHRIS CARTER!

i mean, i knew a cliffhanger ending was coming, but STILL.

okay, so what am i thinking about this episode… i am thinking that i don’t really know what is going on or where the loyalties lie. but it seems that alien colonization is eminent? and where does X fall on all of this? i assume he wanted the needle killer tool so HE could kill the REAL alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith, like cancer man wanted, for rebelling against their alien treaty and healing someone. but if that is what he wanted it for, and he is aligned with cancer man, why did he go behind his back to do the snooping on him with mulder’s mom?? was he trying to get mulder as an ally to do cancer man’s bidding through sneaky tricks??? or was he going to keep the needle out of cancer man's hands, and felt he could do it better than mulder could, so that by asking him to give up the needle, he would be saving mulder's life and risking his own? does he actually give a damn about mulder? also, how many different kinds of aliens are there??? and are they all lying about samantha?

so huh. umm. that was a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

as interesting as this episode was plot-wise, and as much as i love angst, and how it pains me to see mulder mourn the potential loss of his mother, something in this episode just didn’t quite compel me. and then i realized: not enough scully. a criminal mistake, imo. takes what could be an amazing episode into an inherently mediocre one. 

but, what we did see of her was her kindness, using her doctorly knowledge to try and lift mulder’s spirits, risking a lot of danger to try and get the answers for him, even if it means getting involved with alien bullshit. maybe she thinks it’ll bring her answers about her sister and her own abduction… yes, that has to be it. still, a grave sin to omit her. it just feels fundamentally Off.

so, that was the end of s3! well, as i have done twice before now, i’ll make my season wrap up posts before i get onto s4- even if it does end with a cliffhanger that is honestly SO rude. i’ll have to go over all my notes again to find the best moments and compile them, which is always a task (even if it is a major treat). and i have a feeling there will be a LOT of favorite moments this time around. plus i'll update the masterpost.

thank you to everyone who read this far, and reads this blog at all. i can't believe i am on season 4! it really makes my day to see people's reactions to the episode, learn fun facts, and experience the community in this fandom that i am otherwise denied by my persistence in avoiding spoilers. please feel free to go back and interact with old posts, too- it makes me so happy when i get notifications from that.

until next time, you agents in a dangerous back alley with some skirmishing aliens!

[brandwhorestarscream]

Honest question: how do you think artificial insemination would work on Cybertron (excluding everything involving the functionalism)?

I don't remember where I saw it, but I know there was an au where Tfa bulkhead decides to have a sparkling like this

Oooh this is a fun question

I'm of the mind that, in order to spark, two preconditions must be met. The gestation tank must be filled to max capacity with transfluid, and there has to be an overabundance of spark energy. If the tank isn't full, there's not enough materials to begin construction of a body, and if there's not enough spark energy, it's impossible for a new baby soul to form

To artificially conceive, a mecha would have to make an appointment with the cybertronian equivalent of a sperm bank, where after intensive screening and interviews they can purchase donated reproductive nanites from a donor of their choice. Said nanites can be administered either through the valve semi-naturally (turkey baster amiright? Lmao no but seriously it's likely done with special medical syringes) or, if the patient is squeamish about using their valve, it can also be done via injections through the abdomen.

Once their tank hits 100% capacity, next is the spark stimulation. This can be done with a partner they hope to conceive with, via stimulant medication that causes spark surges (this can be dangerous if done in an un-monitored environment or more than once in a blue moon), or even through self pleasure, though doing it on your own is much harder and has a low success rate.

Mecha can also, technically, get a baby spark by splitting off a piece of their own to trigger their gestation tank to start making a body, but it's very dangerous. Sparklings that are forcibly split off from their parents rather than ignited naturally tend to be rather sickly or frail, and at higher risk of reabsorption (miscarriage), so most mecha don't spring for that option unless they're truly desperate

Artificial insemination is very expensive, and it's not always guaranteed to work. Even if both conditions are met, there's a chance it won't take, and some mecha try their whole lives but never manage to concieve. Hope this answered your question satisfactorily

[adambja]

The chosen ones for the experiment (void concept tape success rate)

Almost 22 people + 1 who isn't included in the experiment 🫶🏻 but included in the server

Check your DMS guys you will find the link to be in the discord server

@atlea

@shifting777

@perfecttrashsouleggs

@roshalayeq

@urprettyangel888

@fluffycloud29

@lucidiangelo

@oonalunah

@dreamygirlblogger420

@paint3dros3s

@nana2029

@irisreality

Someone else with @irisreality

Someone else with @irisreality too

@eternabesos

@talya2000

@isis444

@vibesswithdani

@amei-mari

@shriyaaaaa96

@pahhhhhhh

@fairyjmm

@charlotte44sworld

Everyday these incredible people will submit their updates and experience with the void concept tape I have and it will be an amazing experience to know what is the success rate of the void concept tape I made with this group of people who got low to mid-high self-concept! And they didn't use my self-concept tape!

The success rate was 100% with my clients who got the self-concept tape with coaching they are exactly 23 clients (25 clients right now) they needed tapes and entered/woke up in their void state normally some of them got a little coaching not too much - some other clients I am still coaching are experiencing many other things because (I am updating the void concept tape too much "🥹😭" - they got some little limiting beliefs and need more coaching (which is very easy to just let go of) - still working on their self-concept with the tape I have for self-concept) *important note: every single client I am coaching atm doesn't have all of the above!!! It's just one of these pointd! Or even a small part of it! They are literally getting thru too much and letting go of many things i see their experience as so special like someone coming to me very anxious and scared and rn they just think positively and love themselves it's like when a caterpillar 🐛 turns into a butterfly 🦋 - 🥹🫶🏻 that's why I love coaching and my clients even if they don't want me to share their success stories or even if they don't share something personal with me cause at the end of the day I feel so good that I am able to help them and assist them in their lives and change it in a short time 🥹🫶🏻!!

I think everyone will enjoy this as much as me ;)))

Also I have many and a lot of like custom things I added to protect my tape no one will be able to get results if they talked badly about me in the past and if they post it anywhere or give it to anyone it won't work at all and this is another layer I added you won't even hear it even if you focus 😭 but your subconscious mind gets it instantly once you listen which is so funny to me and it was so smart of me thinking about doing this lmao

Also it won't work after 48 hours if you don't submit the results and the updates with the void concept everyday on Google forms the link will be there everyday on the discord server 🥹

Pls this was just me showing me how smart I am! Anyways enough crushing on myself and my brain guys check your DMs you will find the discord link and mwahhh thank you for joining this experiment 🫶🏻

And from now no one can join the experiment 🫶🏻 sry not sry 🫶🏻

One last thing after this experiment ends I won't give anyone a chance to question my prices because I fkin know my tapes are literally worth it and are working 100% I am using many things combined together literally no one knows about and I will never tell anyone about my secret salsa that I use and I will literally destroy anyone who stands in front of me giving anyone coaching and tapes here

If you question my prices after this experiment whatever the results are I will block you 🫶🏻 I won't be sorry about it

[feeling--pink]

what's your phineas and ferb episode rating

Oh boy I’m so glad you asked this with 0 prompting!!

Decidedly the infodumping is going to go UNDER the cut lmao

Since sometime in late May (I don’t have my notebook to check when exactly) my brother and I have been watching every episode of Phineas and Ferb in order to score each individual episodes to rank them!!

We just watched We Call it Maze // Ladies and Gentlemen, Meet Max Modem! last night and have ranked a little over 100 episodes total!!

The scoring system works like this:

We score each individual plot of the episode (usually A, B, C) and then average them for the “Plot” score. We do it this way because it is of my own personal opinion that the best Phineas and Ferb episodes have 3 distinct plot lines that are all equally focused on and overlap in how the episode is resolved. The plot score makes up a total of 50% of the final score making it the most important.

Songs get their own category that is worth 30% of the final score. This is the second most important because songs are a significant part of every episode (especially if it’s 11 minutes) and also very important to the show as a whole. For the most part of there are multiple songs then we average the score. Exceptions being if the songs are noticeably different lengths (Secret for Success comes to mind. For that episode we took the ratio of how long all terrain vehicle was compared to the other song in the episode (I don’t remember what it was)). This hasn’t happened very much. For episodes without songs that 30% is redistributed to the other 3 categories because we didn’t think it was fair to give those episodes a 0 (especially rollercoaster which would have gotten a maximum of 7/10 if not done the other way).

The next category is “Rewatchability” or maybe more appropriately named the bias score. My brother and I watch a LOT of Phineas and ferb and there are episodes we gravitate towards a lot. Additional points can be considered if the episode is “iconic” for one reason or another and even if we don’t personally rewatch it as much as another episode the score won’t suffer too much. (Iconic in this case meaning an episode that you would maybe show someone who hasn’t seen the show so they get a good feel for it or understand a common reference). Rewatchability is only worth 10% of the final score.

Final category is Bonus points! Also worth 10% my brother and I both take note of any bit/detail we particularly liked (or didn’t like) and assign a positive or negative value to it. We then take the ratio of positive to negative and that’s the bonus score!!

I’ve been taking hand notes in a journal I got for my birthday that I’ve barely used since and my brother takes digital notes! I keep the overall ranking digitally though :)

We also sometimes have different opinions and so far have just been averaging our two scores if that’s the case.

Since we’ve finished season 1 I do have statistics for that season and plan to do that for the whole show!! I also have separate rankings for just season 1/2 and the whole show.

Uhhh I’m not going to put the ranking here (I’ll do it in a reblog) because I’m worried of I get out of the app this whole post will delete itself so I’ll post this part but I have more to say SJFJFJDJK

[pajorko]

Is pajor consider Poland goat? What would be tour top 5 ever for Poland

Yes, Ewa is the goat! Picking top 2 is easy: Ewa Pajor and Kasia Kiedrzynek. It gets more difficult with the rest.

I've watched women's football since 2019, so for me it's hard to compare players that play now with players from the past, because I simply wasn't in the loop. I think that it would be difficult even for these few people who followed POLWNT back then, becuase accessibility of the games either was very poor or you just couldn't watch them at all. And it isn't like the topic of the Polish goats is widely discussed, so I'm basing my picks on my limited knowledge and stats 😅

I think that Maria Makowska (the most caps in the team's history, the captain for many years and the legend) and Marta Otrębska (the top scorer before Ewa) should be among top 5. Another player that I consider is Agnieszka Winczo, who is also top 3 of the top scorers and has over 100 caps. But I also think that Ewelina Kamczyk could be a fair contender for the top 5, especially considering that she was one of the key players of the team that achieved the greatest success in the national team's history - promotion to the Euros. I also think that Paulina Dudek would be in this top 5 if it weren't for her injuries... And there were also players in the past, that probably would be goated if they played in more favorable times, like Luiza Pendyk who was the top scorer of a very strong Swedish league twice (!) about 25 years ago. I also rate Aleksandra Sikora, but it could be recency bias lmao

So yeah, my top 5 right now is Ewa Pajor, Katarzyna Kiedrzynek, Maria Makowska, Marta Otrębska and Agnieszka Winczo/Ewelina Kamczyk. But it's worth noting that I think there are some goats in the making right now, who are additionally in a much better position to become the best ever like Paulina Dudek, Tanja Pawollek or Natalia Padilla, and many exciting younglings like Emilia Szymczak and our U17 Euro medalists. I'm excited for what the future holds, because I think that 'the golden generation' is yet to come!

Thank you for this ask, it was super interesting to think about it! ❤️

[xenosagaepisodeone]

the thing is though that these checklists don’t mean if you have BPD it is not allowed that you have nightmares / if you have CPTSD you are legally obligated to never experience impulsiveness etc etc; it’s not just “making stuff up” — though ig in the strictest sense yeah, first you make stuff up but then you test it and see if your hypotheses align with the population. Basically chances are if you meet 8/9 BPD criteria and some for CPTSD but not enough to meet the diagnostic standard (which afaik isn’t recognized just yet but i think they’re trying to get it recognized in the diagnostic manuals but correct me if i’m wrong) then it’s pretty likely you’re going to respond better to BPD treatment and ALSO if your practitioner completely ignores one diagnosis in favor of the other they’re probably not that good at their job. Psychology doesn’t speak in “rules” and absolutes, it speaks in trends and likelihoods and everyone trying to sell you a 100% true and immovable psychology fact is a sham

as someone who unfortunately has a degree in psychology (and whose undergrad began right as the infamous replication crisis became more widely acknowledged in the field), yes, historically a lot of this field is bias and hegemony imbued with some metric. when homosexuality was still classified as a mental disorder, the conversion therapy program by masters and johnson (who were like, some of the earliest pioneers of research into human sexual responses lmao) would often boast high success rates due to participants merely adopting signifiers of heterosexuality. the modern day pop psychology movement (and it's subfields, new ageism, self help books, uhhh Market Christianity) also cannot be disentangled from academic psychology, which further bends the way in which people understand and interact with psychological phenomena. this of course does not mean that all data is junk data, or that methods of measurement are without some rigor, or that therapy is completely useless, but it's just patently incorrect to insist that this field is even predominantly an apolitical force attempting to further our understanding of human beings. it's bizarre that you acknowledge that credentialized individuals in the field can be flawed while also being uncritical of psychological categorization for mental illness.

It's not that I don't get what you're saying, but it's not reflective of reality. yes, I know that practitioners are supposed to help you feel out your symptoms and see what treatment works for you, but that isn't just what they're doing (assuming it's even being done with care and competence). it's inaccurate to insist that psychology doesn't speak in absolutes- I know that we are taught not to do this, but for any social science related field this is the equivalent of going "stop hitting yourself". in any practical real-world setting where accredited institutional psychology is present, there are rules. in a clinical setting, there are rules, and you can be inpatiented against your will for breaking those rules (or recently here in canada, randomly stripped of your driver's license). in neuromarketing (<- yes this is a real discipline.), which is intensively oriented towards results due to the profit incentive, there are rules. the conditions of release for many offenders necessitates staying on court-mandated medication or participating in specific programs. when H.B. Phrenology from The Heritage Foundation wheels out his thousandth manicured study on crime and race (and when a different journal publishes a study indirectly debunking it), that is him tacitly acknowledging that there are rules.

anyway did I ever tell you guys that in my first year at University of Toronto (UTSC campus baybee) they brought in a guest speaker to my abnormal psych course who gave us a lengthy talk on how autogynephilia theory is objectively true. this was like 2013ish maybe 2014 btw.

[okkefac]

me thinking far too much about the new ruikasa comm

(LEAKS WARNING)

ok so i've been reading just about every complaint comment ab the new ruikasa comm, and it kinda got me thinking

this isn't really a defence, altho i guess it kinda is a defence of a sort, more me just thinking out loud

so i kinda first decided to try and figure out the line distribution. i'm not GREAT at this sorta thing, since im still quite new to the game and don't have a 100% success rate of telling rui and tsukasa's voices apart when they're not trying to sound different

anywho this is what i have

anyhow i think it's pretty interesting, especially since I keep seeing people say how rui has hardly any lines. which tbh, i agree w just because i think rui needs 50% more lines in every song - he deserves it and his voice is gorgeous

I personally think it's more of a mixing issue than a line distribution issue - although admittedly i'm not super convinced on the first half of the first chorus. I can't hear rui at all, but the second half (starting at tokkouyaku wa) i can hear tsukasa and it sounds distinctly different, so i think rui is singing with len in the first half?

the other complaint i see is about len having a large speaking part, the okake ni up to the naoshi kudasai part - which i do have to defend len here, bc i'm not gonna post someone else's translations so you can look them up, but i do NOT think rui "incredibly homosexual" kamishiro or tsukasa "actually respects women" tenma are going to go anywhere near those lines

imo i think the main culprits are mostly just len being too *loud* on his joint parts with kasa, rui, and the three of them. tbh they all blend together so much in the final chorus i can't really hear anyone clearly

of course if im wrong ab rui sharing with len on the first chorus then i take it back - but either way the mixing is pretty ass, since i can't really hear anyone easily when they sing together

(oh and ofc we deserved rui and kasa actually singing together - but that's a whole other point)

whilst part of me wants ruikasa alt vocals so that i can remix this and lower len's parts a bit, i am unsure ab the psychic damage hearing ruikasa do the spoken part would give me lmao

[paging-possum]

waves at you!! hi nat!! i saw your last ask from laurie mentioning all your projects, and i got really curious. because looking at the milwaukee project tag on your blog mostly just turned up banger character designs and concepts, so now i'm extra super curious.

what *is* the milwaukee project? :0

HI SEI. SORRY THIS TOOK ME ONE MILLION YEARS TO GET THROUGH but to answer your question Milwaukee Protocol is TWO things actually. The first thing, as it relates to my blog, is a comic I'm working on about a girl named Lyssa who gets bitten by a weird animal in the woods one night and tries to figure out what it is while she's slowly turning into it with the help of a cryptid fan and the only other person who was there when she got bit. it was initially meant to be a metaphor for the futile nature of trying to cure rabies but it can also be read as a metaphor for feeling like The Weird One in your friend group! it's a little bit body horror, a little bit psychological horror, a little bit rabies psa, a little bit silly (much like everything I make :D )

It's named for the ACTUAL Milwaukee Protocol, which is an experimental rabies treatment that has worked before but still has a low rate of success *this is everyones obligatory reminder that if you think you have come in contact with a rabid animal you should get it checked out as soon as possible because without treatment, rabies has a 100% fatality rate, and the only reliable method of treatment is postexposure prophylaxis aka getting a bunch of vaccines before you develop symptoms. once you develop symptoms you're basically dead. please do not get rabies its horrifying.* I shoullllld be working on it right now but im not LMAO but once I get back to it I'll hopefully be posting a panel from each page or smth as I work on it :] thank you for asking!!

[roguelov]

Weird realization I had: Calliope basically states that Orpheus was an "accident" baby. Which, since apparently immortals can reproduce in the "human" way, that means she and Morpheus had some kind of birth control despite this being the ancient world. So how would they have that (besides the basic "they're magic, duh")?

Humans have probably imagined the ability to fuck nasty without consequences since humans have existed. The Dreaming is probably filled with all kinds of birth control... that apparently still doesn't have a 100% success rate lmao

Wait yeah you can’t get pregnant in the Dreaming (expect if you’re a ghost lookin at you Hector and Lyta) so just after so long guess the magical Dreaming condom broke 😂

But why???

Just cause? Too much strain on the Dreaming protection (people fuck all the time so it’s hard to keep everyone safe???)? Did Dream (since he is the Dreaming) secretly wanted a kid or maybe the thought randomly crossed his mind and that was enough for the Dreaming to say ‘no more protection’?

Or what if it was always the pull out method but them both being immortal/god like beings they stupidly thought what the worse that could happen? Pregnant? Couldn’t be us

[gibblegabber]

i wrote most of this a month ago but might as well spill my personal nonsense regarding kick on his 14TH ANNIVERSARY WHHHHHHHH

nothing interesting it’s truly like a diary entry

i’ve been keeping to myself while i wind down from another hyperfixation with KB:SD, because it has to come to an end, because there’s very few people left in my life who were there in the fandom while it aired, because i get so fucking depressed when i think about it.

how do i describe this. Kick reminds me that i’m alive. he ALSO reminds me that i’m a failure. he’s the reason i finished art school and also (part of) the reason i stopped pursuing art as a career. the show’s run was the best time of my life and at the same time i was dealing with an overwhelming amount of trauma.

and i packed ALL of that into this silly 6.5/10 rated cartoon. why??? because it just happened to be THERE when I was going thru some shit?? sometimes i think “this could have been any cartoon, the timing is what mattered” and other times i’m like no…the adventures we had in mellowbrook were genuinely incredible and if it were any other fandom, i wouldn’t have met the same amazing people!!! do you know how thankful i am to have Kachiimi and Misha in my life still??? REALLY FUCKING THANKFUL. i don’t deserve them in the least!! they’ve known me at my worst and happened to also SEE me at my worst in person and they’re still my friends and i love them very much, i hope they know that.

and if anyone’s still following me that knew me during the KB years, or was friends with me during that time… 1.) i’m sorry. i was crazy LMAO and 2.) just know you made the whole experience so so awesome :) i appreciated so much that the fandom was a tight knit group of people, no drama, just a great place to be when my life was falling apart around me.

yea if i psychoanalyzed this whole thing i wouldn’t like the answer. but. it doesn’t change how much Kick means to me, and how much he’ll always mean to me!!

it had always been a bucket list thing of mine to be the number 1 fan of something at some point. ever since i was like nine years old i was like “man that’d be cool if it happened”. never in a million years would i have guessed that it would be this. but in a weird way Kick was exactly who i needed at that time. someone whose failures were just his fuel for success. someone who didn’t let his shortcomings stop him from achieving his goals. someone who kept going even if the world was against him. looking back it’s really no surprise that i got so attached.

obviously i’m far from the number 1 fan position now. who knows if i ever really was; i only knew a fraction of the fandom that called me the “queen of the KB fandom”, and Sandro had called me the number 1 fan at one point so i just took it all to heart. i would argue that Aisha took that position when school and jobs and life started consuming my life more than fandom did. or well, all of this is a moot point when you consider Jackie who is definitely 100% his number 1 fan LOL. but wow, what a time. we were so lucky to interact with the crew as much as we did.

it doesn’t seem like much but it really made me feel like i could do anything. if Kick had gotten a third season you KNOW i would’ve stopped at NOTHING to be on the team in some way shape or form. i would’ve flown out to LA in an instant and not looked back. despite everything. i would’ve done it.

kinda sucks considering uhhhh THINGS that got revealed about the director years later, so in the same vein i’m very happy that Kick did not get a season 3. but when the show ended something in me died, or i came to terms with something, idk what it was. something like: i knew i’d never feel the same way about a cartoon again so i didn’t bother trying. i stopped drawing almost entirely for 10 years.

aaaand it’s true. over a decade and i never came close to the level of obsession i had with Kick, and never really wanted to either. THEN i got slapped in the face with IZ and well…let that be a long and cheesy post for march 30th or something. :P and as much fun as it’s been and continues to be, it’s a DIFFERENT sort of experience from KB. it can’t compare. maybe in 10 years i’ll look back on IZ friends and fandom times and reminisce fondly on them too.

KB:SD is stuck where it was. if that makes any sense. there’s a lot in the show that i don’t think modern day fandom would take kindly to. there’s a lot of crack shipping and shenanigans we got up to back then that isn’t okay now. (god… okay i don’t miss that part LOL. i cringe painfully at a lot of it, but i DO miss when people understood the fucking difference between fiction and reality. it was a different time for sure.) it just is what it is.

and that’s okay. i’m gonna let it go, again, and i’ll be back on and off. it hurts. it hurts every time this happens but that’s okay because Kick taught us to live till it hurts. :) 🤘🏼✨

[brendleellipsis]

17, 24, 30? :3c

In another ask I was asked the same questions, except it was 32 instead of 30, so I'm just going to answer the four of them in this one. Lol. Lmao, even (answers under the Read More)

17. Name three things that make you happy. I'm going to include the whole of fiction/storytelling as one thing, because otherwise that'd be a bit of a copout lol. I also really like bagels, toasted with butter, so that's number two. And three... I have this Lil Guy on my desk, so here's an image of that.

24. What's one thing you're proud of yourself for? I'm honestly really pleased with how much I improved at my art over the course of Artfight last month. I'm not at a skill level I'd like to be quite yet, but I'm at a point in my Art Journey where it feels attainable, yknow? Like I could see my artstyle evolving to a point where it's Consistently Pretty Good.

30. What's one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier? I see we have a theme with these questions. This is sorta the same question as 17, but the wording is different? And honestly, I'm not sure there's anything out there with a 100% Brendle Happiness Success Rate as it were, but... if I had to choose one, it'd be a day where it's sunny out, but not too hot, and there's a light breeze so you always feel refreshed, even if you're exercising. Those days are hella rare, tho

34. Any pet peeves? Oh, the vibes are this question are totally different lmaooo. I can be real sensitive to noise (Autism Moment) so lawn equipment and dog barking really tend to set me off. Also cars with really loud engines that you can hear from miles away, like I don't understand what people are trying to do when they have cars like that. You know everyone on Earth thinks you're an obnoxious dipshit, right?

But uhhhh ye!

[heartsoulrocknroll]

AEW Collision 4/20/24

Nigel on Copeland winning the TNT Championship. "If at first you don't succeed, try again and again and again and again until you are finally able to steal what is rightfully someone else's." Lmao.

Adam Copeland, Mark Briscoe, and Eddie Kingston vs. Top Flight and Action Andretti -- Some nice exploder suplexes by Mark. Flippy stuff from Top Flight and Andretti. Dumb spot with all six guys colliding with lariats at the same time. Copeland with an impaler DDT. Mark with a Jay Driller on Darius. Backfist by Eddie, spear by Copeland, Froggy Bow by Mark on Dante, then Eddie covers Dante for the pinfall.

I honestly didn't like this at all. Technically, it was fine. But everyone was in the ring at the same time for a lot of the match, and that bothers me a lot more when the action is lackluster or not my taste like this. Rating: 2.5

House of Black show up on the screen after the match. Matthews says HOB will eradicate all their dreams at Dynasty. Black says HOB will dig so deep that they will feel like they are close to hell. And for people like himself and Copeland, hell is where the heart is.

Powerhouse Hobbs vs. CJ Esparza -- Hobbs squshes Esparza with slams on the apron and a torture rack. The ref stops the match. Rating: SQUASH

Callis on the mic. He says he was directly responsible for Omega winning the IWGP Heavyweight Championship. He says he was also responsible for the biggest match in the history of Japanese wrestling, Jericho/Omega at the Tokyo Dome in 2018, which set New Japan on a course to new heights and success, which they still enjoy to this day. He says when New Japan thanked him for this, he said he would need a favor in return one day. And he has cashed in all his favors to make Moxley vs. Hobbs next week a match the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship. That is so stupid. Hate that.

Jericho promo backstage. He apologizes for his conduct on Wednesday and for pushing Taz. He mentions his match with Hook for the FTW Championship at Dynasty. He says the Learning Tree is going to teach Hook one of the hardest lessons he will have to learn. A lesson in humility and losing something that means a lot to you.

The Gunns vs. The Acclaimed -- The Gunns try to leave, but Schiavone tells them that TK said they won't get their match at Dynasty tomorrow if they walk out tonight. Awkward. The Acclaimed jump them and land Scissor Me Timbers early on. Bowens with some nice rolling elbows, a fireman's carry neckbreaker on the knee, then a running knee on Colten for two. Colten lands a Fameasser on Bowens for two. The Gunns land a neckbreaker on Bowens for two. Caster tags in with a DVD on Colten. The Gunns land 3:10 to Yuma on Bowens, but Caster breaks up the pin with an elbow off the top. Colten rolls Bowens up and Jay hands him the bat and holds on for leverage for the pinfall.

This was a perfectly fine match. A lot better than I expected it to be, but still not really exciting in any way. Good, screwy finish. Rating: 3

Danielson interview backstage. He is asked about the Bunkhouse Brawl tonight and the match with Ospreay tomorrow. He says that sounds like a lot, but he feels alive. It seems like something is going on with the Don Callis Family. He wonders if Callis doesn't have quite as much faith in Ospreay as he says he does. He feels alive, because Takeshita dropped him on his head Wednesday, and tonight he gets to get revenge in a bunkhouse match. And tomorrow he gets to test himself against Ospreay, who calls himself one of the best in the world, and he gets to find out for himself. Ospreay comes in and tells Danielson that he has had nothing to do with any of the things the rest of the Callis Family has been doing. He says he wants Danielson at 100% for their match. Danielson says right. Ospreay says come on, Danielson has to believe him.

Excellent promo by Danielson as usual. Love to hear that man talk.

Toni Storm promo from Wednesday after Thunder Rosa's attack is shown. She wants to leave this in full color, so everyone can see exactly what Rosa has done to her. Rosa wants to be a hero? Wants to be a martyr? Wants to rally up the troops? There is nothing more disgusting than a wrestler who says they are not selfish. This is a business, this is not a charity. If Rosa wanted to uplift women, she should have stayed a social worker. Rosa doesn't want this title because she used to hold it. She wants it because of everything Storm made this title be, when Rosa could not. Rosa basks in the glow of the sun that shines right out of her ass. Rosa wants to drag her soul to hell? Rosa better check the address, sweetheart, because hell is in her bedroom and she makes love to her demons every night, and at Dynasty, Rosa can just watch.

Holy SHIT, what a promo. I am legit losing my mind over this. Hilarious, but serious at the same time. Legendary, career-defining promo.

Bryan Danielson and Claudio Castagnoli vs. Konosuke Takeshita and Kyle Fletcher (Bunkhouse Brawl) -- Fletcher and Takeshita jump Danielson and Claudio during their entrance. Claudio runs down the arena stairs with a lariat to Fletcher! Danielson slams Fletcher's head into the announce table! Takeshita takes a hammer to Claudio! Danielson wraps a cord around Fletcher's neck! Claudio swings Takeshita into a dropkick by Danielsion! Claudio locks in a Sharpshooter on Takeshita. Fletcher hurls a chair at Danielson's head, then lands something on Claudio inside. Fletcher with a thrust kick and a powerbomb on Claudio for two! Danielson is busted open, and Takeshita takes his fingers to the open wound. Fletcher nails Claudio with a hammer repeatedly. Fletcher hurls a chair at Claudio. Danielson and Takeshita trade elbows inside, Takeshita gets the best of it, sending Danielson outside. Takeshita goes for a brainbuster on the ramp again, but Danielson reverses into a DDT on the ramp! Claudio takes the hammer to Fletcher, then hurls him into the barricade, then slams his head into the steps repeatedly! Now Fletcher is bleeding. Claudio drapes Takeshita over the rope and holds him while Danielson lands a knee off the top to the back of his head/neck. Round kicks from Danielson to Takeshita, then a big round kick to the head! Danielson sets up for the Busaiku knee, but Fletcher grabs his foot from outside, and Takeshita lands a Helluva kick! Takeshita lands a German suplex on Claudio. Stereo brainbusters by Fletcher and Takeshita, then double covers for two. Takeshita goes for a rolling elbow with a steel chain around his arm, but Danielson blocks.

Double rear naked chokes, then stereo hammer and anvil elbows by Claudio and Danielson, then they transition into stereo LeBell locks! Hobbs comes in with spinebusters! Moxley comes out bald as hell to even the odds and take out Hobbs. Fletcher hands Danielson to Takeshita on the top, and Takeshita goes for a powerbomb onto a chair, but Danielson reverses into a rana off the top on Takeshita, sending him back-first onto a chair!!!! Geez! Claudio lands uppercuts and a lariat on Fletcher with a chain wrapped around his arm!! Claudio lands a senton off the apron on Takeshita outside! Danielson lands the Busaiku knee and locks in the LeBell lock with the chain around Fletcher's face for the submission!

That slapped!!!!!! Nonstop, violent action!! Perfect mix of outside-the-ring brawling, weapon spots, and inside-the-ring wrestling. I loved it all. Rating: 4

Danielson grabs a mic after the match. He says a lot of people are asking him why the hell he is doing a bunkhouse match the night before he wrestles Ospreay. It's because when some people think of heaven, they think of streets of gold, but that's not him. His spirit is a part of this. When he dies, his heaven will be standing in this ring, bleeding in front of all these people, having a whole crew of people trying to break his neck before he wrestles one of the best in the world, and telling them there's no way they can do it!! "Tomorrow, Will Ospreay, I am going to beat your ass." HELL YEAH!!!! There is nothing like a fired up Danielson promo. Cannot wait for this match!

Willow and Statlander promo backstage with Stokely. Statlander says you know what they are? Fired up. Fired up is long for FU. Stokely says where he comes from, FU means something different, so he will say FU to Brody and Julia. Willow asks if a confident champion takes a chain and hits their opponent days before a championship match? She doesn't think so. Willow says she is going to lift Julia up and powerbomb her through that mat. Because tomorrow, she's taking the TBS Championship, you bitch! Lol, this was good.

Skye Blue vs. Leyla Hirsch -- Hirsch reverses a Code Blue attempt into a running knee strike. Blue lands a hanging neckbreaker off the apron. Big elbows by Hirsch, then Blue with one of her own. Blue cartwheels into an elbow in the corner. Hirsch lands two nice suplexes, then a German suplex off the top! Hirsch goes to the top and falls. Blue lands a fireman's carry neckbreaker, then locks in a dragon sleeper for the submission. Short match, but solid action. Rating: 2.75

Kazuchika Okada and The Young Bucks vs. Pac and FTR -- Okada's arm hits the announce table early on. Okada and Dax trade uppercuts and elbows! Pac locks in the Brutalizer on Okada, but the Bucks break it up with stomps. Pac slams Okada's head into the apron and stomps on his throat on the floor!!! Nice!!! Okada and Matt pull Cash crotch-first into the ring post. Okada lands a slingshot senton over the ropes on Cash inside. Pac runs the ropes and lands a beautiful flying elbow, then a series of hard kicks, then a brainbuster on Nick for two! Pac lands a quick German suplex on Okada, then dives over the ropes onto the Bucks outside. Dax and Pac land an assisted spike piledriver on Okada for two! The Bucks stop a Black Arrow attempt by Pac, and Okada nails Pac with a big boot. Okada holds the ref, while the Bucks shove Pac into the ring steps and pummel him outside on the floor. They roll Pac inside, and Okada lands a nice flapjack. Pac with a vicious tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Nick! Beautiful!!! Dax comes in with big jabs, a lariat, and nasty chops to Nick! Dax slingshots Nick off the ropes into Pac's hands, and Pac lands a German suplex, then Cash flies in with a jacknife on Nick for two! Nice sequence!!!! Dax ducks a superkick by Matt, Matt kicks Nick instead, Dax lands a DDT on Matt, then Okada comes in with a DDT on Dax!

Okada tells Dax to hit him!! Dax responds with vicious elbows to the jaw and chops to the chest! Okada dropkicks Dax! Dax ducks a Rainmaker attempt and locks in a Sharpshooter, but the Bucks break it up with superkicks!! Triple team running back elbow and double enziguris in the corner by Okada and the Bucks! Okada lands a neckbreaker on the knee, Nick lands a running knee strike, and Matt lands an elbow off the top on Dax and covers, but Cash breaks up the pin! Dax lands a superplex, Cash lands a frog splash off the top, and Pac lands a 450 off the top on Matt! Cash covers, but the others break up the pin! Superkicks by the Bucks, then they land Shatter Matchine on Pac for two! The Bucks land a BTE Trigger on Pac, but Cash breaks up the pin! FTR land Shatter Machine on Matt, but Okada and Nick pull Dax out of the ring. Superkick by Nick, and DDT on the floor by Okada!! Cash with a topé to the outside! Pac lands the Black Arrow on Matt inside for the pinfall!!

This was a really great match. Constant action from start to finish. I loved the exchanges between Okada and Pac, and cannot wait for their match at Dynasty. But I also loved the exchanges between Okada and Dax! What a nice, unexpected treat. Rating: 4

Okada and the Bucks try to attack Pac and FTR after the match. Daniel Garcia comes out to help Pac and FTR. Pac jumps on Okada's back with a hanging Brutalizer!! Okada drops to the mat, and Pac holds on until the Bucks pull Okada out of the ring! Pac and Okada stare at each other, Pac in the ring and Okada on the ramp!!! I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS MATCH!!! AAAAHHH!!

[beastblade69]

if chief wasn't so whitewashed 4 life he'd 100% had monolith by sun of the dying vibe. FRRR. like that's literally how he'd sound. by whitewashed I mean that he was literally made miserable. because I'm convinced that if his mother wasn't so fucking obsessed w the idea that he shall be socialised as a white person, he'd be stronger because dang he'd not feel so second rate. yeah, as a poc he'd still have problems obviously, but he literally was told that he has to give up on his traditional identity to be successful. can we talk about how much of a bitch his mother is? because istg, fuck her. idk how to put in words my thought correctly, but like when you have to be someone else, when you don't have a possibility to live the way your ancestors lived, even if you enjoy this way of living, you have to give it up because you don't have a choice. DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. this is what I mean. not having a choice sucks, you try to fight through it, but when you're also mentally ill you're incapable to counter, to stand up for yourself, so you surrender and you break. and maybe if he was allowed to participate in traditional activities more (which his mother hated), if he was allowed to be proud of being not white, if he was told that white opinions on the way you, as a poc, live don't matter, that you can choose your own way of living, wether it's "progressive" way of living or the "savage", which is a traditional one. he was always told that in order to be someone worth existing you have to give up on your roots, your traditions. even tho his father allowed him to live traditionally, I'm convinced that his mother was always pressing on him and on his father too, so chief never actually felt that he belongs anywhere. too whitewashed to belong to the tribe, which was destroyed later, not white enough to be a part of the white society. + seeing how his father was pressed by white people, how he tried to fight back, but indeed without any effect. he was broken by white people so chief saw it like "indigenous — weak, white — strong. no use trying to fight the whites because I'm indigenous and it means that I'm automatically weaker and more vulnerable". I tried to put it into words, but words indeed don't come to my head nowadays lmao