#subjectively one of the weakest ones

[theravenzvolute]

i dunno if anyones mentioned this but even the name sort of makes sense for the idea of a toxic friendgroup when it comes to rot in paradise?

its paradise, youre with your friends, youre hanging out, life is ‘good’, but youre ruining your self esteem and mental health by being around them, aka rotting.

i hate how this is seen as the weakest game because it hit the hardest for me personally, the writing really makes those uncomfortable moments genuinely uncomfortable and junes perspective and dialogue about how her friends are treating her feels so raw and realistic, especially when shes talking about it to ryan 🙁

[astralleywright]

if people are gonna keep posting abt how BH are objectively the weakest party of them VM and M9 you would think they could provide like, a shred of evidence to back it up. since strength in DND is measurable and all. at the very least, a hint of what factors they're looking at instead of just saying everyone who disagrees with them is an idiot that doesn't understand DND. or like a single number.

[sskk-manifesto]

ಥ‿ಥ

[inconmess]

I have an exam in 12 hours and all I can think about is Critical Role and the latest episode and the Grimms. Help. Haven't studied a single word and it is a bio exam *shrivels up*

And knowing me, I have an exam on Friday afternoon and the episode airs on Friday morning so I will probably prioritise the episode? and not the exam? Someone knock some sense and/or motivation into me??

[lyriumsings]

thinking about “what they smell like” in spite speak and what i got so far is

kataleya: chocolate and winter air (idk how else to explain what it smells like when it’s cold outside and it’s night time around december it’s such a specific scent to me). maybe also good wine, she drinks a lot ngl

nymira: leather and whiskey. lmao she actually doesn’t eat often and when she does it’s simple stuff that gets the job done. so if i had to use some other third thing it would be like idk oranges.

sienna: flowers and death. very on brand for a mournwatcher. if i had to add some other third thing i was say extremely sweet tea. it’s more sugar than tea by the time shes done with it. and maybe spice idk why feels accurate

[l-ilysm]

i have so many crochet projects to finish 😞

gojo plushie, a cat plushie, i think i might frog the pencil case i was making...

[heartsaglowww]

just did 7 self portraits for my summer homework i feel like shiiiiiit

[lilacgaby]

after the war, katsuki had amassed a fanbase. even in the school itself, he'd find himself being chased down every period.

saying he hated it was an understatement. he hated not only being followed and judged, but being late to his classes? that was the final straw.

you slammed your head against the desk in your now empty classroom. math was your weakest subject and you'd just failed another test..

with a 70%. oh, the horror.

deflated and upset, you sunk your weight against the desk. only to jump up in surprise as you found yourself eye to eye with bakugo himself.

"h--"

"be my girlfriend really quick."

"what?!"

he pulled you up with surprising gentleness, pulling you to the door and opening it, the dozens of eyes staring at you. more specifically, staring at the way bakugo's hand was intertwined with yours.

"my girlfriend doesn't appreciate your bullshit. and neither do i."

he pulled you with him, walking you down the hallway as you heard the groans and grievances of his fan girls. he finally stopped in front of the stairs, letting you free your hand now moist from his sweaty palms.

"uh.. if you help me with this shit, i can tutor you or whatever." he had a hand behind his head as he now looked into your eyes.

you barely needed to contemplate it. spend time with your crush and get your grade up?

you stuck the pinkie of your hand out, "i'm in!"

he scoffed, a soft smile on his face as he intertwined your pinkie in his.

little did you know, you had him wrapped around your pinkie in more ways than one.

full ver!

taglist: @k0z3me @darhinadadragon @maddietries @i-the-fluffo

support me!

[sweetiechenle]

reading between the lines ✦ jeno

pairing: collegestudent!literatureprodigy!jeno x afab!collegestudent!scienceandmathgenius!reader

summary: jeno was the biggest problem you've ever had to solve, but for him you weren't quite an open book either.

w.c: 9.4k

warnings: mdni 18+, MATH, i did so much research i feel like i need to cite my sources, thank you quizlet, angst, hurt and comfort, frenemies to lovers, fluff, jeno and y/n argue a lot and yell at each other, teasing, misunderstandings, YEARNING, kissing, make-ups and confessions, plot WITH porn, love making very intimate, hard with feelings and refuse to listen to each other, unprotected sex (i better not catch y'all doing this), praising, crying, begging, groveling, pet names (baby), oral (f receiving), creampie (YUM), softdomtop!jeno (just as god intended), crack/humor, scientific talk because smart (i never took bio in college), if i forgot anything pls lmk. reblogs and feedback appreciated ♡ fiction ≠ reality. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENO!!!

‘WHAT’ you gasped, not noticing you had barked it out until everyone turned around and glared at you.

‘i’m sorry?...’ your professor had stopped everyone to bring attention back, she gave you a quizzical look, ‘is there a problem?’

you shook your head, still surprised by your sudden outburst, ‘n-no, i apologize’ you hung your head in shame, red blooming on your cheeks from embarrassment. you had been dreading today, your world literature 1 professor had told you all a week ago that you would be paired up with a partner for your first project. your major in biology and minor in actuarial mathematics required some literature classes to help with ‘scientific writing and understanding’ as your advisor put it. so you figured world literature 1 was the easiest choice, it turned out to actually be hell on earth. your weakest subject was english and literature, you were never a reader growing up unless it was about different sciences, but you always opted for documentaries and videos than reading. growing up, you’d always dread english class, anxiously waiting for whatever science and math class you could have next.

when you tell people that your favorite subject is math and then science they would laugh and usually end it with an ‘i wish’, that was your english and history, you wish you could understand it better, but it always seemed impossible. what you were least expecting was getting paired with the best literature student you knew, jeno. he annoyed you at times, acting like a pretentious asshole going around and quoting shakespeare and some other century-dead author. when you went and quoted pythagroas near him it was now apparently a problem, you two bickered back and forth in class during group introductions about greek philosophers for almost an hour, debating if aristotle was more of a math genius or a linguistics expert.

after the heated discussion, jeno told you ‘i love a good debate, you have some crazy opinions though’ he ended up giving you his phone number. it was only the first week of classes, your first ‘friend’(?), you texted him that night, but no response came. the next week you were struggling with questions your professor had given you all to go with a reading.

you texted jeno:

‘hey is this correct? *PICTURE ATTACHED*

his response chimed on your phone five minutes later:

‘no’

and that was the only response you got, no help, no explanation, you didn’t even know what was wrong with your answer to begin with. fuck this, you ended up calling him, to your surprise he answered with a ‘what?’

you didn’t mean to blow up on him, but it just came out, ‘why can’t you be nice to me for one second and help me with this student homework?’

he sighed, making your ear vibrate with the sound, ‘take back what you said and i’ll help you’

you grumbled but obliged, ‘this homework and reading is not stupid, now please help me’

you guys ended up talking on the phone for almost two hours, discussing different themes from the reading, mostly arguing about who was right, but in the end jeno helped you get answers that were good enough. he talked you through the questions and the actual themes of the reading, the elements, and showed you how to better analysis pieces of literature. you were eternally grateful but absolutely mortified at the same time.

after that phone call, you were psyched, finally finding someone that could help you pass. you were always the person in math classes that everyone went to, you didn’t have to be that person for others anymore. although you remember all the emotional baggage and difficulty when trying to help others study and understand formulas, you wouldn’t ask much of jeno, only when you really needed it.

two weeks ago you found him in the library, doing homework with books scattered around him. the first thing you noticed were glasses that he had never worn before, big frames making his eyes look much bigger in such a cute way. you figured if you asked he wouldn’t mind if you joined him, and you figured that if you asked in an even nicer way, he could help you with the literature homework.

‘hey jeno!’ you greeted him, walking up to his table, he looked up, pink lips still in a straight line, ‘would you mind if i joined you?’

‘i guess not’ he shrugged and moved some of his books out of the way for you, now sitting across from him you smiled slightly and got out your own homework. abstract algebra was your favorite class so far this semester, you never thought getting homework would make you so giddy. you couldn’t believe some people found it excruciating, while it was just a ‘fun activity’ for you. you and jeno continue work in silence, you would steal glances every once in a while, his eyes scanning over the paper as he scribbled down notes and highlight sentences. eyebrows knitting together and whispering out words in order to analyze everything perfectly. you thought it was cute, his lips would curl up into a smile after every question got answered. sitting in front of him, you could see the perfect slope of his nose, his broad shoulders slouched as he leaned into the desk, his large hand brushing his black hair back sporadically. the golden ratio had nothing on him.

not long after the trance jeno left you in, you finished your math homework and now it was time for your enemy: literature. you looked up and glanced at jeno who was writing notes down, ‘hey’ he lifted his head, ‘do you think you could help me with this?’ you motioned down to the paper in front of you, he followed and noticed your blank page compared to his one that was filled.

‘did you even try?’ he questioned, ‘it looks like you haven’t even started’

‘well’ you started with a sheepish smile, ‘i did do the reading, but i could barely understand any of it’

he sighed, his hands reaching under his glasses so he could rub his eyes, ‘okay, and what part did you not understand?’

you grabbed your packet of papers and flipped until you found the sentence, reading out loud, ‘his sense of her inferiority—of its being a degradation—of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit’, you looked up at him, offering the best pleading eyes you could muster.

he slightly rolled his eyes, ‘so, basically darcy should put away his pride of being in a higher ranking than elizabeth, but he cares more about her status than love. even while he is proposing, he still looks down on elizabeth and wants her to feel grateful that he is even considering her as a wife’

‘oh, i never thought of it that way’ you mumbled, looking down at your paper again.

‘don’t they teach you stuff like this in high school? god, i fear for your grade when we actually have to read and analyze a whole book and not just passages for exercises’

the sentence was a stab to the heart, taken aback you said nothing as shame burned through your body. growing up you’d have teachers, friends, and your parents comment on your lack of understanding for english and literature, but you’ve never heard a remark like this. it cut deep, you opened and closed your mouth, unable to give an actual response, incapable of making any snide comeback, you gathered your things, got up and walked away from him. before he started to see the tears that made its way down your face.

you avoided jeno as much as you could, you sat nowhere near him in your shared class, never looked in his direction in the courtyard and started taking different routes to other classes. it was working out great for the most part, that was until he had transferred into your biology ‘unity of life’ class three weeks into the semester, at the very last minute of course. rumors were going around that a lot of students had transferred out of his previous one due to it ‘being too hard’ and that the professor ‘was a nightmare’ and he needed a natural science requirement for his major, secondary education if you could remember correctly.

seeing him walk through the door of one of your favorite classes was a different type of personal hell, and you were having a great day so far. you softly groaned, trying to resist the urge to roll your eyes in annoyance. your desk partner seemed to catch on, jaemin turned to you, ‘whats wrong? forgot to do last nights homework?’

you turned towards him, ‘never, i was so excited for this assignment, i finished all the questions as soon as i got home… it’s just… that guy, the one who just walked in’ you glanced back to his lab table, jaemin followed with his eyes, ‘i’m in his literature class and he’s nothing but an egomaniac, basically called me dumb for not understand some passage from a book’

the blond haired boy frowned, ‘he might know some books, but wait until he gets a taste of a real challenge, he transferred too late into the semester, he’s fucked’. your lips twitched up into a smile. you met jaemin the first day of class, introducing himself as a veterinarian science major with a minor in biology. you two became quick friends after you got him coffee one morning, you ended up with two cups after the cafe got your first order wrong. he was nothing but thankful, long discussions in class that lead to topics that never related to science. you got to know him pretty well, often texting and meeting up for study groups with other students from class, you both always paired up in class whenever prompted.

‘that’s fair, would be satisfying to watch him struggle’ you whispered.

he giggled, ‘god you sound like such a sadist’

the professor pulled up his notes as he prepared for the beginning of class, ‘takes one to know one’

you opened your notebook to the current lesson: the cytoskeleton. the professor went through the slideshow while you happily took notes on cells and its structure and stabilities within the cytoplasm. once the professor was done with the lecture, he started asking students questions, seeing if they were paying attention.

‘okay, now what is a delicate coil held together by hydrogen bonding between every fourth amino acid?’ he looks over his roster of students, ‘jeno! why don’t you answer this for us’

on cue, everyone turned to watch him, his head shot up from his notebook in surprise. he obviously looked unprepared, hands nervously pushing his bangs back. ‘oh… um, i don’t know i’m sorry professor, i transferred late into this class and still need to catch up’ his hair looked wild as the tips of his ears shone a bright red.

the poor professor sighed, ‘does anyone want to help jeno out?’

you immediately shot up your hand, ‘y/n?’

you smiled dramaticly, before another breathe you answered, ‘alpha helix’

‘yes, thats correct! great job y/n… now you all need to pay attention, this will be on our first exam coming up in two weeks’ he went on about amino acids and different elements. jaemin leaned into you, ‘nice’ he whispered, a smile on his face. yeah, that would show jeno what you could do.

you peeked back at jeno who whispered ‘two weeks!?’ to himself looking distressed, you felt a pang in your heart. perhaps it wasn’t fair, stuff like this was never taught in secondary school science classes, obviously he was going to struggle. you weren’t going to seek him out and offer help though, he knew science and arithmetic were your strong suits, it was his turn to come running, beg for forgiveness and ask for help.

speak of the asshole, and it shall fart, jeno texted you later that night.

‘hey…’ you scoffed, the audacity of this guy, you resisted the urge to text him back a ‘you should know this already right?’

you texted back a simple ‘what?’

he immediately answered, ‘do you think you could help me with this bio homework and maybe study together for the exam ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡’. shameless.

giving him the benefit of the doubt, you relented. maybe it was an off day for him, ‘i guess, meet me in the library tomorrow, and we’ll start’ he hearted the message and that was the end of the conversation.

you woke up early the next day, grabbing every notebook you had kept over the years that could help jeno. you texted him right after noon, ‘this is an all day affair, meet me in an hour and bring me a caramel macchiato. don’t be late, pride & prejudice wasn’t written in a day’ he liked the message as a response. you left your dorm and headed to the library, setting up a space for a long study session. jeno comes right on time, with two coffees in his hand.

he places the bigger cup down in front of you, ‘large caramel macchiato, with extra caramel, extra vanilla, and extra drizzle’

you look up at him and give him a modest smile, grabbing the drink and taking a sip from the straw and swirling the ice around the cup, ‘thank you, lets get started’ he nodded and pulled out the chair next to you and sat down.

you got out all your notebooks, his eyes widened making you giggle, ‘jesus christ dude, how many notebooks do you have for this class?’

‘well, not all of them are from this class, i brought some from previous classes that i think could help you’ you handed over a stack of notes, which he begrudgingly took. ‘okay, now lets get started…’

you two had spent hours discussing carbohydrates, cellulose, and enzymes. sometimes arguing back and forth about answers, ‘okay so, a system of membranes that modifies and packages proteins for export by the cell?’ you asked jeno as he flipped through his notes.

‘um… integrins?’ he answered, totally unsure of himself in the process.

you smiled, ‘not quite, its the golgi apparatus, integrins are cell-surface receptor proteins… crazy how you don’t remember this from basic biology classes…’ you mumbled the last part.

but of course he still caught it, ‘what was that?’

you shrugged your shoulders, ‘i mean we learn about cells and stuff in secondary school… everyone knows that the golgi apparatus is the packaging and distribution center of the cells, i mean everyone talks about how the mitochondria is the power house of the cell, is that the only thing you remember from biology?’

his eyebrows shot up in surprise, ‘oh? so that's what this is about?’ he smirked, ‘you’re still upset about what i said last week aren’t you?’

your gaze diverted from his line of sight, thankful you wore your hair down this morning so he wouldn’t see the pink burning on the tips of your ears. ‘no… i’m just saying’

‘...saying almost the same exact thing i said?’ jeno smiled, and his eyes turned into crescent moons, happy that he caught you in the act, ‘understandable… well, uh, if you help me, i’ll help you’

you crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes at him, ‘not until you apologize, not everyone can be as good as you in literature’

‘okay, i’m sorry, you are a genius in math and science, now please agree’ jeno pleaded.

‘fine’ you answered.

another week passed and jeno finally felt comfortable taking the exam, on the other hand your literature professor started talking about a project for that class. jeno reassured you that he would help you in the best way he could, he helped you with literary analysis, notations, and rhetoric. you ended up getting an 85% percent on the most recent homework, excited to show jeno you made your way to the classroom.

‘so, jeno, i’ve been seeing you hanging out with that y/n person in our class’ you stopped before the entrance to the classroom, ‘they literally know nothing about literature and refuse to learn, how could you put yourself through that?’

‘oh, well, um, i don’t know, i’m just helping them with some stuff’ jeno answered. you peeked inside, he was with two other students, a girl and a boy, sitting together in a group.

‘must be pretty frustrating, i don’t know why they are even in this class, fucking moron, am i right?’ the girl responded and you could hear the others, but jeno, laugh.

you could feel your heart break as your mind begin to buzz. eyes watered, and you thought back to your discussion with jaemin, of course you guys were poking fun at jeno too, but nothing this extreme. ‘i mean, i guess one could think that, but everything about th-’ you couldn’t listen anymore, turned your heels and stormed off. stopping at the end of the hallway to through your graded paper away in anger and humiliation. after everything you both did for each other, it made your blood boil in anger and betrayal, you had to get back home. you paced to your dorm, keeping your head down so no one would notice you and your state of mind right now. skipping one literature class wouldn’t hurt.

so it did, and now here you are, sitting in your literature class with the professor reading out the pairings for the first project. for the rest of the week and over the weekend, you had ignored jeno’s texts and calls, you decided you were finally done with his games. ‘y/n and jeno’ the professor read out to the class.

‘WHAT’ you gasped, not noticing you had barked it out until everyone turned around and glared at you.

‘i’m sorry?...’ your professor had stopped everyone to bring attention back, she gave you a quizzical look, ‘is there a problem?’

you shook your head, still surprised by your sudden outburst, ‘n-no, i apologize’ you hung your head in shame, red blooming on your cheeks from embarrassment.

your professor nodded and resumed her list of partners, after she announced to the class, ‘now sit with your partners and discuss what you all want to do for your projects for the rest of class’

you groaned, you weren’t ready to face jeno yet, you probably never would be. you never wanted to see or speak to him ever again, you shuffled to his seat, taking your time to get over to him and sit down.

‘hey’ he said, ‘you’ve been ignoring me this whole week, whats up?’

fake ass bitch, you thought, he didn’t care, ‘nothing, just not a good week i guess’

he frowned, ‘damn, well, if it makes you feel better, i got a 90% on my first bio exam!’ he beamed, ‘so at least now you know your hard work is paying off’

‘that’s great, glad you’ve been getting at least something out of this’ you deadpanned.

he gave you a quizzical look, but decided to drop the subject, ‘so, for the project i was thinking about covering the tenant of wildfell hall’

you literally didn’t care and let him pick whatever, ‘yeah that’s fine’

his eyes narrowed, giving you a weird look again, ‘okay… so, the book has themes of double standards, religion, morality, and love. i can send you passages that we can cover for our project…’. jeno went on for the next thirty minutes with only little nods and comments from you, agreeing to anything he had to suggest. all you wanted to do was leave, once the professor dismissed class that's what you did, picking up your backpack and storming off with jeno still talking.

you rushed down the hallway, ignoring the calls coming from jeno behind you. with his crazy athletic built he eventually caught up to you, grabbed your shoulder and spun you around. you gazed up at him, he stared down at you, looking for any answer he could find. ‘what is your problem? i thought you’d be happy we were paired up?’ he started interrogating you.

you sighed, almost giving up, ‘jeno, can we just meet up later and talk about it? i’m exhausted right now’

he sighed and his hands fell from your shoulders, ‘i’ll text you’ he nodded, and you turned around and left. once at your dorm you threw your backpack to the side and climbed into your bed, taking a well needed nap. a few hours later, your phone vibrating next to you pulled you out of dream land.

3 missed texts from jeno:

‘y/n, are you able to come over to my apartment soon?’

‘plz stop being so stubborn its annoying plz just talk to me’

‘here’s the address lmk when ur on the way’

you texted him back:

‘sorry i was taking a nap’

‘i can be there in a bit’

you got up and got ready, grabbed your backpack and left for jeno’s. once you got there it took you a good five minutes to have the courage to knock on his door. hesitant you tenderly knocked on the door, after a second he opened up the door and let you inside without another word. he was in shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt and smelled immaculate, you gulped, raking your eyes over his body, strong arms and long legs, a face without imperfections. your heart burned in anger and panic, angry that he was so gorgeous it pissed you off, panic because all you could think was what the fuck am i doing right now? ‘do you want to sit down? i saw you brought your backpack, we can work on some stuff if you want?’

you nodded, walked over to the couch and plopped down, grabbing your backpack you opened it and got your laptop out, pulling up the notes from your calculus 2 class. jeno joined you on the couch, sitting a little bit to close for comfort, but you said nothing. his bare leg brushed against your clothed one, sending a buzzing sensation all throughout your body, trying your best to ignore him you stayed focused on your screen.

question 1: x³ + 2x² - 6z = 4 - 2y²

without a second thought you typed in the answer:

r³cos³0 + 2r² - 6z = 4

submitting it you smiled as the green checkmark popped up, correct on the first try. ‘damn, that’s crazy’ jeno broke the silence, you glanced over at him.

‘what?’ you said turned back to your laptop.

‘i literally understood none of that and you got it on the first try!? that’s literally fucking insane’

you laughed at his outburst, ‘it’s nothing really, it was kind of easy, just plug in the following x and y polar conversion formulas into the equation where possible, then you just rewrite everything and use the formulas to convert the equation into cylindrical coordinates’

jeno howled in laughter, which was contagious enough to make you laugh, ‘that’s insane, you’re amazing’

you cocked your head to the side, intrigued by his word choice, ‘oh? am i?’

his demeanor changed, the air felt heavy as he calmed down and moved closer to you. he leaned in, and you panicked, he glanced down at your lips and back up to your eyes. his long eyelashes met his cheeks, you followed suit and closed your eyes, ignoring the way your mind is screaming at you not to do this. heart says otherwise, as you could hear it beat in your ears, whole body buzzing as his pink, soft lips brushed against yours.

jeno moved in deeper, teeth clinking together as you ravaged your mouth, he was a starved man, and you were the last meal he would ever receive. it was warm and sensual, he reached around your waist and roughly pulled your torso into his. his nose bumped into yours as he moved his head slightly for better access, laptop completely abandoned to the side your arms lifted to his biceps, squeezing hard as you let out a soft moan. you broke the kiss as you pressed against his arms, your forehead leaned on his as you both caught your breath, between pants he smiled and laughed, you did not. anxiety ran your blood cold as now all you could think of was what he had said in the classroom about you. was this all a joke?

‘jeno…’ you started, and his smile faltered, ‘i can’t do this’ you stood up and grabbed your laptop and shoved it haphazardly into your backpack, heatedly rushing out of his apartment and down the hall to the entrance. again you ignored jeno as he called after you, his footsteps echoing behind you. you pushed the heavy door open and the air hit you with the wind flying through your hair. continuing down the lamp-lighted street, the boy was still trying to catch up to you.

‘y/n please, we forgot to talk about it’ he addressed your almost non-existent figure fading into the darkness.

he was hopeless by now, but still refused to give up, he moved again, ‘y/n!’

you stopped and turned around, walking up to him his build now growing hazy as water pooled in your eyes. ‘you wanna talk about it? you WANT to talk about it? FINE, you are such a stuck-up asshole, thinking i’m so stupid because i don’t have the best grade in our lit class. laughing about it with your friends when they call me a moron! you think you’re so great you didn’t even know what the chemical symbol was for sulfur, FUCKING SULFUR JENO’ you were yelling at this point, jabbing your finger into his chest with every emphasis in your anger. ‘you think you can play me in some fucked up game you have going on in your head, keeping me around so you can feel better about yourself and use me for help so you could pass an exam, i know i’ve asked you for help before, but at the end of it, all i wanted to do was be your friend, you could’ve said no, but i couldn’t. you gave me no choice but to give in with the deal that you’d help me in return, and you know what? i needed the help, badly. and you knew that and used it in a discussion with your friends that laughed at me because of it, you know how that made me feel? like absolute shit, i wanted to be your friend but all you have ever done was use me and hurt me, and guess what? you don’t have to fear for’ fingers motioning air quotations, ‘my grade because i got a good grade on my homework thanks to you, so thank you jeno! i really appreciate the help, i hope it really boosted your ego, maybe you can go fucking write a book about it or something, i don’t know and i don’t care, but i’m done’ your face was probably beet red at this point, while angry tear's avalanche down your face, you hastily whipped your face and snot that escaped during your outburst. his face focused into view, he was so pretty, and that made you tear up all over again, he could have been different.

he looked defeated, frustrated as his fists clenched into balls and relax over and over, ‘y/n, please let me explain, i di-’ you stopped him, placing your hand in front of his face.

‘do the math jeno, the probability that i would ever hear you out is slim…’ you turned and started walking away, briefly glancing back, he was still in the same spot. ‘it’s S by the way, the symbol for sulfur, maybe now you’ll remember it when you think back on this night… not so proud after all’ your voice cracked at the last sentence as your heart wrenched and stomach mangled, tears breaking through yet again.

you left him there.

you decided not to tell jaemin about what happened, but jeno’s absence was evident. you couldn’t sleep, all that replayed in your nightmare was his soft lips brushing against yours, and you swore you could still feel his strong arms pulling you forward, into him. the feeling that gave you clawed at your heart, beating you down every single time you closed your eyes and pictured his face smiling at you, laughing at you, annoyed at you. anything he gave you, you would take, no matter how much it broke you down. you liked him, no, you like him. even after everything he’s done, you still held a soft spot for him in your fractured heart. all the phone calls that turned into facetime when he would ask for help with math, and you had to show him the steps of a problem. laughing every time you would shake trying to hold your phone steady as he jokingly squawked, ‘keep still!’ when he would read passages to you over the phone late at night, and you’d have fallen asleep to his tender voice before he could even explain the motif. it had only been 5 weeks of class, but it felt like you had known him longer, despite your differences in subjects you both eventually subsided the arguments with long discussions and debates on why one answer was right and how the other was wrong. revelations that came to light after hours of going back and forth.

you stood in the shower, blankly staring at the white ceramic wall in front of you as droplets rained down. you thought about the day you and jeno were studying in the library, renting a study room within because you figured the discussion would be heated. it ended up in a feverish battle between the differences of cell adhesion and cell migration. by the end of it you were standing up, hands pulling at your roots in irritation trying to explain it to the boy sat down in front of you with a shit-eating grin adorning his face. ‘y/n, y/n, stop, stop, please, i can’t take it anymore’ he laughed, clutching his stomach, ‘i got it, while they are tightly associated, cell adhesion provides structural support and stability to tissues, while cell migration is the directed movement of cells from one location to another’

your arms dramatically dropped to your sides, ‘YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME’ pointing, you accused him.

he laughed again at your reaction, ‘i just love seeing you like that, it’s cute, you know i just love a challenge’ he exclaimed going back to his notes.

you laughed to yourself, recalling the moment of the playful banter and subtle flirting that slipped out on occasion. you giggled, howled, and snorted a little too much at the memory, which silently followed into your heart sinking to the bottom of your stomach, the shower masking the uncontrollable sobs that carried through every limb, appendage, and bone.

jaemin went on and on about some story about his roommates, you paid barely any attention, eyes glued to the door as you waited to see if he would show up. the blond boy slurred his words, leaning into you now, trying to get you to look at him. you turned your body, he was giving you a pouty face with big, shining eyes, ‘i asked you a question y/nnie. were you even listening to me?’ he tugged on the sleeve of your hoodie, his strength made you feel like a rag doll.

‘i was… and the answer is yes?’ you said, unsure about whatever he was yapping about.

he beamed and clapped playfully, ‘yippie! i knew you could use a pick-me-up, i promise it’ll be fun, the party is saturday so clear your schedule, i’ll pick you up’

your shoulder shook as you lightly laughed at his theatrics, rubbing your temple in exasperation as to what you just got yourself into, ‘sounds like fun’. you barely noticed jeno walking in out of the corner of your eye. he looked worse than you did, a hoodie with a stain, sweats that looked they were able to fall apart, mis-matched socks and unkempt hair. he kept pushing his glasses up his nose and rubbing his tired eyes. your heart skipped a beat when you noticed his dark circles that almost matched yours, his being a little worse for wear. before he could catch you staring, you quickly focused your attention to the professor starting class, going through the roaster and continuing the lecture on cells.

‘can anyone tell me the variations in cell types? jeno, got an answer?’ the professor smiled at him, everyone turned to spectate and wait for him to answer, except you.

‘um, prokaryotic and eukaryotic’ he dragged, sounding uninterested despite getting the question right.

‘yes! very good jeno’ the professor praised, moving on to the next question. you started to sweat, angry that he got it right and yet you were now holding on your high c- in literature class. how come he could now catch onto science but yet, you were still unable to grapple with the concepts of a victorian classic novel? or maybe it was the fact you had skipped every class this week, refusing to work with jeno on anything, you noticed the text and calls from him were dwindling three days after the confrontation, however everyday he sent pictures of his notes and analysis on the reading and how the project was going. as pathetic as it was, you continue to lay awake in bed nearly every night rereading his text from that night:

i know you are angry and probably hate me right now and that’s understandable, but i don’t want to give up on you, on us. do you think newton gave up on the laws of motion after he failed on the first or second try? you aren’t getting the whole picture, plz give me a chance to explain, i don’t even know if you are reading this, but if you are, plz hear me out you got it all wrong about that day in the classroom, and if it felt like i was using you, i’m sorry. that was never my intention, i just like being around you, you are always quick-witted and i was just trying to taunt you so you’d pay attention to me because i really like you, ig that backfired badly lol. anyway, i hope this will change your mind, and you’ll reach out, i’ll give you time.

followed by a very unserious message that you couldn’t help but smile at:

oh, i almost forgot, don’t worry about the project, but you could come to class, i’m starting to fear for your grade again (,,>﹏<,,) (only kidding!)

another biology class and 2 skipped lit classes pass and the weekend was finally brought upon the world. you held the pleasure of assisting jaemin to a party hosted by someone he knew from one of his health classes. it took forever for you to pick out a cute outfit, but opted for a sleeveless shirt and basic jean shorts and a pair of white sneakers you found buried in the back of your small closet. you carefully did your makeup, usually not taking it too far, but this was special, and you needed to feel like a bad bitch tonight.

jaemin showed up an hour later, deciding to walk to the house 4 blocks down, saying he wanted ‘to get turnt with you’ and that he refused to drink and drive. you agreed, walking sounded better than looking for a driver or someone having to stay sober throughout the night. you exited your building and found jaemin’s car in the lot, he climbed out to greet you and whistled, eyes eating up your form, ‘damn, you look hot’

you smiled bashfully, ‘thanks jaemin, even nerds can be hot you know?’

he turned to lock his car, ‘i mean, yes, but like, you always look cute, but this is like the freaky side of you, it’s different… it’s nice’

you cackled, ‘please never call me freaky ever again, i’m going to revoke your brain rot privileges’

he admitted defeat and dropped the conversation, you both now walked down the sidewalk in perfect silence with the sun now set, surveying the rows of houses in different stages of life in the moon glow. ‘it’s this one’ jaemin nudged you, stopping, he pointed to the house on the corner, you nodded and wrapped your arm around his, linking together so you immediately wouldn’t get lost in the sea of a potential crowd. he opened the old, green door, and you followed, as expected there was a good amount of people attending and as the night worn on you figured more would pile in.

jaemin turned to you, ‘do you wanna go find some drinks?’

‘yes, please’ you quickly nodded as he pulled you through the throng of people, trying to find the kitchen.

once you were there, the host of the party seemed to also be there, ‘jaemin! glad you could make it man’ they dabbed each other up and touched shoulders embracing in a ‘bro hug’.

‘hell yeah, no way i’d not come for the first party of the semester, i brought my friend along with me!’ he pulled you closer to him, now giving you the floor as all attention was pulled towards you, wincing as jaemin jabbed at your side, urging you to get closer to his friend.

‘hi, i’m y/n’ you said giving him a genuine smile, holding out your hand.

‘oh my, you are gorgeous, and you came with this sleaze bag’ he nodded towards jaemin who just playfully hit his friends shoulder, ‘i’m donghyuck, but everyone calls me haechan, its a pleasure to meet you’ he softly took a hold of your hand and bent down to give it a little peck, you giggled at the eccentric greeting.

jaemin tore haechan away, ‘alright, not too much now’ he joked, ‘it’s time for shots’ haechan clapped and guided you both to the kitchen island that was filled with different alcohol, he picked out a clear liquid and poured them into plastic shot cups he grabbed from a neat stack. jaemin lifted up his cup, ‘fuck pharmacology’ you snickered at his comment and raised your cup along with haechan who nodded in agreement. on cue, you threw back the cup and shuddered as the sweet nectar burned your throat. ‘hell yeah! another! at the end of the night i want to be able to forget about fucking blood urea nitrogen and blood glucose’ haechan laughed and poured another in all 3 cups. after that it was another, and then another, and after about 6 shots you tapped out and opted for a gin and coke that haechan was more than happy to make for you.

more time had passed than you thought as more people flooded the kitchen, wrecking havoc on the choices of liquor, haechan handed you your cup and jaemin motioned for you both to move to the living room. people were dancing, some were playing beer pong off in the corner, and others were chatting on various furniture. ‘want to dance a bit?’ he whispered in your ear because of the loud music that made the floor vibrate under your seat, you could feel it rattling your brain. giving him a silent nod he grabbed your hand and led you through the crowd, finding a spot and finding the rhythm of the song. you bobbed your head to the beat and moved back and forth with jaemin in front of you, you always thought he was attractive, but you saw him nothing more than a friend, you felt comfortable around him. you nursed your drink slowly, already somewhat tipsy from the shots, you didn’t want to get drunk too fast or blackout. jaemin grabbed your free hand and twirled you around, dramatically moved your joined hands with fever. you laughed along with him, indulging him in an embarrassing, yet fun dance that probably made you both look wasted to others.

his arm snaked around your waist, pulling you close much to your surprise, pleasanton’tkissmepleasedon’tkissmepleasedon’tkissme ran rampant in your mind as he leaned towards your ear ‘don’t look now, but a certain someone is staring at you from across the room, you let out a strangled breath.

‘do you know who it is?’ you whispered back.

‘jeno’ he mused and your lively spirited fell.

‘whats up? something go down with him?’ he pestered.

‘um, kinda, its a long story’ you faltered and jaemin frowned.

‘damn, that serious? his loss, he can look all he wants’ jaemin wanted to be lighthearted, make you smile again and keep jeno out of your mind. you were grateful as he pulled you into another whimsical dance, the joyful nature of his was infectious.

after a couple more songs had passed, you had downed your whole drink and let go of jaemin’s hand, ‘i’m gonna go find haechan and have him make me another drink, it was surprisingly superb’ jaemin nodded and said he would stay in the same spot for your return.

you hastily made your way to the kitchen, apologizing to others you had to push through. the small room was almost empty, haechan was nowhere in sight so you looked for a different drink. ‘having fun with jaemin?’ a voice boomed from behind you, one that you knew all too well. you slowly turned to find jeno smirking at you, leaning against the fridge adorned in a tight white shirt and ripped jeans, oh fuck this stupid earth, he just had to follow you here looking like that.

‘yes i am, actually’ you stated matter-of-factly.

his lips twitched up in amusement, ‘is that so?’ he moved in closer, eventually trapping you between him and the liquor table. jeno’s soft brown eyes met yours, searching for something inside, however, his eyes told you everything, hope, they screamed. his hand lifted towards your face, slowly brushed against the skin lighter than a feather, taking a piece of your hair and pushing it behind your ear, ‘so he wouldn’t mind this?’. his eyes fluttered closed as he bowed towards you.

before he could seal the deal, ‘jeno’ you stopped him.

he sighed, defeated, ‘just please talk to me, you said the probability was slim, but not zero, let me explain’ jeno begged, his large hands caressed your cheeks tenderly, they were soft and warm.

you could blame the alcohol as you finally let him speak his case, ‘fine, we can find somewhere private’

he smiled, eyes disappearing in relief. he grabbed your hand, leading upstairs and into an empty room, he closed the door behind him as you took a seat on the bed, ‘alright, grovel and explain’ you lifted your phone up to check the time ‘you have 10 minutes’

he gave you a smug smile, ‘that’s all i need baby, you know i love a challenge’ you rolled your eyes at his attempt to uplift the tension fogging the air. ‘that day in the classroom, you obviously didn’t stay long enough to hear what i had to say about you, at first i didn’t know how to respond being put into that position was hard, you didn’t ‘put me through anything’ though, i had nothing but fun with you, even if it was frustrating at times. we always figured it out. but when i heard what she said after i wasn’t just going to allow it, i said ‘yeah i guess one could say that’ because these people literally do not know you like i do, i finished with ‘but everything about that is completely untrue, they are willing to learn, but it's just taking longer than some of us who take a bunch of english and literature classes. if you got to actually know her you’d see how bright they actually are. a literal math genius and a real mastermind of science, could answer any question from the top of their head, it’s insane. so while we are strong in this subject, they are just stronger in other fields’ he explained, watching you intently. you wiggled under his gaze, making you feel same, but itched for him to go on, ‘i then told her that she should not speak on things she knows nothing about and left because i will not associate myself with someone who talks like that about people i care about’ he emphasized the last words carefully, grabbing hold of your hand and lifting you from the bed, ‘y/n, i’m so sorry, it was never my intention to hurt you, ever. i care about you so deeply, you show up in every romance novel i read, every poem i skim, the stories i write… it’s all you’ jeno gazed down at you, his eyes now searching for an answer, hope, and panic could only be found in his as you studied his features in the warm glow of the moon peaking through the window.

‘you really said that? you defended me?’ you questioned him quietly.

‘yes y/n, i would never let anyone hurt you, even if you aren’t in the room, because in that case, they hurt me too’

you hummed, the haze of your brain clouded any judgment you held, he was something different, the greatest math problem that needed to be solved. ‘thank you jeno, i guess it’s now my turn to apologize’

he chuckled at you, ‘no need baby’ you laughed softly, ‘now, can we pick up where we left off? you know, someone once told me that pride and prejudice wasn’t written in a day’ he wagged his eyebrows at you, moving you into an embrace as he kissed the top of your head. you held on tightly, holding him as you buried your face into his chest swallowing his scent so you could save it for later.

the hug ended, but he still held you close in his arms, ‘i guess i could pick up another chapter or two’ he laughed at your poor pun and drooped down, so his lips could meet yours. it was messier than the first kissed you shared with him, wet and heated as you could taste the soju on his tongue. he moved at a faster pace, devouring you like an animal, jeno walked you towards the bed, you gave in falling down with him, with him climbing on top of you, never breaking away. teeth on teeth echoed throughout the room as you moaned, his hands exploring every part of your body, making your core burn more and more.

jeno dipped down to attack your neck in kisses and sucking at the exposed skin, hands finding a way to his hair and tugging slightly at the intimate feeling of him being closer than ever. ‘please, tell me you’re mine, please want me’ he breathed out, the air softly hitting your ear, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. he was desperate, kissing you anywhere he could and waited for you to answer.

‘y-yes jeno, i’m yours’ you choked out, ‘i want you in every way’ satisfied with your response he growled and his mouth met yours once more, ‘p-please touch me’ you begged frantically, needing anything to ease the sensation that pooled in the pits of your stomach.

jeno hummed, fingers brushing up and down your exposed stomach, ‘where baby? use your words, remember what i taught you?’ it was your turn to make demands now, wasting no time you grabbed his hand and brought it down between your legs, he cupped your vagina. you groaned, you needed more. jeno grabbed the waistband of your shorts and pulled them down and threw them behind him, the cool air hit your core making you rub your thighs together in order to find little warmth.

he carefully pulled your underwear down, wanting to savor the moment of finally seeing you bare, he gulped, ‘god, you have such a pretty pussy’ he took his hand and rubbed the sensitive skin, ‘so wet. just for me, right? all for me baby’ you cried out at his words. he inserted a finger into your weeping hole, making you gasp out in surprise at the feeling of just one finger filling you up dangerously. as he pushed back and forth your legs trembled, he added another finger and brought his head down to your core, ‘i bet you taste amazing’ was all he said before he dove in deep, his tongue against your clit as he drank up your juices and sucked on the flesh.

‘f-fuck’ you mewled, grabbed a hold of his soft, black hair in order to keep you grounded, with every thrust he made as he fucked with his mouth you tugged on his hair, pulling when you would feel the band about to snap, jeno groaned, loving the way you’d use him for stability.

he stopped and removed his face, you whined from the loss of contact as his fingers also found their way outside of you, he smiled ‘don’t worry, my pretty baby, i’ll take care of you’. he threw off his shirt nearly getting drunker with the way you were taking him in, he loved being adored by you, in such a calculated way that made sense in every story. you followed suit and removed your top and bra, baring naked in front of him and laid back on the bed as he admired you from afar, ‘you’re so beautiful’ he breathed, discarding his pants and underwear he crawled back on top of you, whispering sweet nothing's as he peppered your collarbone and breasts with kisses.

‘are you sure you want this? it might hurt a little at first, but i promise i’ll go slow until you tell me otherwise’ he towered over you.

your glassy eyes met his in reassurance, ‘yes, jeno i want this’ you confirmed everything for him. he quickly lined up his cock with your cunt and gently pushed inside, his eyes never leaving yours. your hands grasped around his muscled biceps, digging your nails into them when the pain was strong. once he bottomed out he stopped to let you get used to his size, you shared sensual kisses and sweet touches, jeno doing everything in his power to make you feel loved and safe at that moment going forward, that’s all he ever wanted to do. for weeks, he had been beating himself up for taking the teasing comments way too far at times, poking fun at something you were obviously insecure about, but you did the same, he figured it was kind of the thing you two had. in reality, he wanted to push you to do better, making comments like that so you’d work harder and prove everyone wrong. no one could work with you better than him, so he had gone out of his way to ask the pressor to pair you up on the project, also making the forced proximity making you talk to him after you stopped answering his calls and messages. he should have gone a better way about motivating you, but now that he had your forgiveness, he could work on better strategies.

‘jeno, you can move now’ you rasped out, still holding on his arms like an anchor with a boat. he pulled out and pushed back in, taking it slow as you moaned at the feeling of him filling you up to the brim, jeno picked up the pace, setting a steady rhythm as skin clapping together filled the room, ‘oh fuck, just like that’ your chest heaving up and down.

he slammed into with vigor, bitting your bottom lip as you opened your mouth to let out a breathless moan, ‘yeah? you like that? fuck, you’re so tight, literally sucking me in, i never want to leave this pretty fucking pussy’ he husked, he licked your lips and kissed your jaw as he grunted, setting a faster pace, making you cry out in pleasure. he grabbed your legs and opened them wider, giving him better access to go deeper into your abused cunt. you cried as the flame in your belly raged with a thousand fires, ‘keep your eyes on me baby’ jeno demanded, automatically making you swallow as you moved your eyes to meet his, blown out pupils filled with lust as your vision of him became blurry as blissful tears threaten to fall with every snap on his hips digging into you. you’ve had flings and hook-ups before, but nothing as profound as this, the eye contact, togetherness of him never backing too far away from your hold, you were being wholly consumed by jeno. everything right down to your core, he was all you could feel, taste, see, and think about.

‘o-oh my god’ you sobbed, hips jerking up at the feeling of the ripples burning through you, the coil in your stomach tightening, craving to break open, ‘m gonna cum’ you clenched around him, making jeno hiss above you at the feeling of tightness around his throbbing dick.

‘go on baby, cum for me,’ he whimpered as the feeling for him also grew intense, the way your cunt hugged his dick was making his mind spin. jeno mumbled incoherently ‘i’m so close baby, let go, you can let go, i got you’ from his words and the way he pounded into you made you snap, legs trembling as liquid gushed from your core and past his cock and dripped onto the sheets. light-headed and dizzy you cried out for jeno as your orgasm burst over you.

you clenched again, feeling overwhelmed by the euphoric feeling, ‘oh, fuck’ jeno cursed as he stilled inside of you, painting your insides with his seed, he groaned at the sensation of finally filling you up and properly claiming you as his and his alone. he stayed there for a couple of minutes inside of you. savoring the static of the overstimulation and pleasure of release. you winced as the hot liquid poured out of you when he pulled out, the emptiness of it all. jeno watched as his cum slide down your hole and onto the sheet, he scooped up the remaining liquid that rushed out of you and shoved it back into your clit with two fingers, making you cry at the sensitivity. ‘fuck that was… one of the best experiences of my life’ he caught his breath and plopped down facing you, he gently caressed your chin, bringing your head to his as he softly left kisses on your lips, ‘let me get you cleaned up baby’

‘m tired’ you whispered, barely able to keep your eyes open.

‘i know, but let me take care of you and get you dressed, i know theres extra clothes somewhere around here’ he started rummaging around the wardrobes, digging into them in order to find anything adequate. ‘aha!’ he put on a clean pair of underwear and sweats, ‘i’ll be right back baby’ he left the room and came back after for what felt like an eternity with a warm wash cloth and clean clothes, ‘these are mark’s girlfriends pj’s i’m sure she won’t mind,’ he hummed, wiping you clean, and dressing you in the soft, clean clothes. he picked you up so he could throw the covers back, tucking you in with a kiss on the nose, ‘you’re so cute’

you lazily smiled at him, settling into the sheets as you clung onto his warm frame, ‘who’s room is this by the way?’ you whispered as jeno shut his eyes.

‘mark’s. doesn’t matter. you’re my girlfriend now right?’ he leaned his head on yours.

‘mmm girlfriend yes. mark who?’ words fell from your mouth as you yawned, sleeping coming to find you soon.

‘mark, shark.’ he dismissed you, ‘just be ready for a stern talk when we wake up from the man himself.’ he kissed your head as you drifted off to sleep, the morning was the least of your worries now, you finally figured out the solution, the obvious answer being: jeno.

[hamliet]

Adolescence Review (by someone who used to work in child protection)

Recently watched Netflix's Adolescence and it was probably the best TV series I've seen. It's superbly acted (how was this Owen Cooper's first role?), fascinatingly filmed (every single episode is shot in one take), and brimming with empathy and nuance.

It also resonates personally with me. Once upon a time, I worked in child protection for a year. I've worked with kids like the main subject of the series, Jamie Miller. I can't and won't give details, but this series probably captures the heart-wrenching, soul-crushing reality of what it's like to work with kids who do horrific crimes.

Episode 1 is an excruciatingly detailed account of the dehumanization of arrest and imprisonment, and that's even with everyone doing their best to be kind to Jamie because he's a child (13, but looks younger). I guarantee you most cops don't try to be nice to most intakes.

There's really only one moment where a cop is cruel until the interrogation, and that's when Jamie's being strip-searched. The man conducting the search tells his father, who asks, in essence, "how would you feel if you were thirteen and strangers wanted to do this to you?" that "I was never accused of a crime." Well, bully for you, jerk-face.

Yet the viewer also understands the cruel necessity of having to conduct such a search, while also wanting to throw up. I do think a lot of the discourse around juvenile criminals resorts to "throw away the key" without considering what that means, and what humiliation and abuse kids go through when they're arrested (rightfully or wrongfully). The show following each and every motion and forcing the viewer to observe the father's face rather than the actual search forces the viewer to face their own thoughts on juvenile justice (especially because, at this point, you don't know whether Jamie did it).

But at the same time as Jamie is dehumanized in this way, you're confronted with the reality of how much he's dehumanized his victim at the end of the episode, when you see that he absolutely, 100% did do it. This thread of how Jamie dehumanizes women in particular continues in Episode 3.

Episode 2 is easily the weakest of the series. It's still great and offers, via a chaotic school with checked-out adults who can't care anymore and adults who do care completely overwhelmed and limited by their own humanity, a symbolic picture of what teenagers face. How can they learn when they aren't willing to listen? At the same time, how can they learn when no one is teaching? How can people teach when they are drowning themselves?

My criticism here is that the school appeared not exactly unrealistic, but also slightly hyperbolized. I think they could have stressed the struggles of trying to care when there's too much to care for even more than they did via an additional episode, an episode I think the second one almost introduced and then left dangling--one that focused on Katie's loved ones.

We hear about Katie's mom, and we meet Jade and see her rage over losing her best friend. We even see one detective voice how frustrating it is that Jamie will be remembered but Katie won't be. I wouldn't quite call this lip service because I do think the aim of the show isn't quite about this, but I do think the show should have spent an episode on Jade and/or Katie's family.

We know Katie isn't perfect as a victim, but that doesn't mean in any way that she deserved to be stabbed to death (or to have her pictures leaked). In fact, the show makes this emphatically clear. But I still think they missed a chance to make her more human, to show the loss through her loved ones.

If Episode 2 is the slightly-less-than-the-others episode, Episode 3 is the standout. The psychologist examines Jamie and he vacillates between inappropriately flirting with the psychologist to childishly requesting more hot chocolate to terrifyingly screaming in rage to sobbing in fear like a child in a nightmare to condescendingly mocking her like a rabid fan of Elon's would to desperately trying to wrench away the reality of what he did and trying to talk himself out of facing reality. And Owen Cooper, the child actor, makes all of this believable.

The reality is that the cruelty of what Jamie's done sinks in during Episode 3. He tells his psychologist that most other guys who have assaulted their victim, but he didn't, so he's better, right? And then he screams and sobs minutes later begging for someone to tell him that they like him, anyone. I found myself wanting to grab the psychologist and beg her to say that she "cared" (something I said in a similar moment during my work doing child protection). But I also understand why she didn't--not just professionally, but in terms of Jamie having to realize that he can't be entitled to people liking him when he's so cruel to women.

The psychologist also asks Jamie if he understands what death is. While he says all the right words to show he does, everyone over the age of 20 knows that he doesn't, and the show knows it too. I genuinely think that, until you get older, you cannot fully understand what it means for someone to be gone from this earth.

And therein lies the paradox of the show: Jamie doesn't fully understand what he's done. At the same time, what he's done has permanent, gruesome, irreversible consequences for everyone around him--and beyond that, because of the internet's influence beyond local boundaries.

Episode 4 is an episode I would call beautiful in a lot of ways, despite the fact that it's jagged and raw. We follow Jamie's family (dad, mom, and older sister) as they try to celebrate the dad's birthday about a year after the crime. We see how they're wrestling with the fallout and agony of knowing they raised Jamie--but they also raised Lisa, who is kind of an awesome kid.

And while Episode 1 actually has detectives musing that the parents might be abusive and that might explain it, this episode removes any doubts: Eddie and Amanda, Jamie's parents, are good parents. They are not perfect. Eddie has a temper. Amanda should have monitored his computer use more. But also? No parents are perfect. Arguably, the detective who interacts with his son in Episode 2 is a worse parent than they are. Yet his son is great, and Lisa is great.

There simply isn't a good explanation. Jamie was hurting, yes, but his pain can't be pinned down to a singular cause. The internet hurt him and gave him messages about masculinity that were harmful to say the least. But he also got those messages at school, even if he wasn't on the internet. And he got love at home, as well as some flawed interactions with his parents.

So who is responsible for Jamie's actions? Jamie himself. He chose.

Yet, the series also acknowledges that Jamie is a child, and he is not just "born bad." We see how other kids, like Jade punching Ryan, and Ryan loaning Jamie the knife, and Tommy joking around, and the bully leaking Katie's pictures--they have no comprehension of the extreme ramifications of their actions... but some of them also don't appear to care to learn. Normally, society would demand they care to learn, but that's not happening.

So then what? If society creates these kids, then what does society owe them? That's a question the series wants viewers to walk away contemplating, rather than giving a simple answer.

And there is some hope: Jamie deciding to plead guilty and accept responsibility. In that, we see how kids are supposed to be able to make mistakes and learn and grow. Yet Jamie's "mistake" is so shattering that Katie will never get to grow beyond it because of him, and to what degree Jamie can after pleading guilty isn't clear either. And in an era where their every action is captured online, can they ever really grow beyond?

I don't know that I have an answer to that. I've seen some kids I worked with grow up to be awesome. And I've lost touch with others, particularly those whose cases were more serious. There is no agony like seeing a child who has done something horrific and is suffering themselves and knowing you can't save them, and not knowing what the future holds for them. All you're left with is being able to hope that they'll learn to accept responsibility and grow, but in a system and society that makes that really impossible, is that even much of a hope?

[revilloutionaire]

All Might was literally suicidal and people dont talk about it enough.

How it must've felt to have to pass on the one source of his strength, for years that has kept him at the top, his sole source of not only livelihood but also his way of helping others? How he must've felt knowing that he could not be the pillar of peace as he had been for almost four decades, that he had to subject another young person to carry that weight. How he must've felt after Kamino, after losing that power for good, after the entire nation saw him at his weakest.

His talk with Aizawa about deciding to live for the next generation, absolutely broke my heart. He felt useless, in a way probably none of us could ever even grasp. Not even izuku could.

What does it mean to be the entire world's pillar in one moment, the strongest man alive, only to go powerless in the next? It's no wonder Toshinori considered ending his life after Kamino- He didn't even look the same. What other option would you have but to end it all there? When you go from the man everyone looks to for help, to a man who can't even take a punch and survive?

But the fact he chose to live speaks volumes of his strength. His willingness to carry on, and help his students and successor fight with whatever strength remained. He helped Izuku during his tenture as a vigilante, because All Might would've done the exact same thing. He packed those lunches. He chased after Izuku, trying to give him the same support he knew All Might would've needed if he was the same age as Izuku.

It's why he put on that suit and fought All For One, even if it meant stalling and not defeating.

Because All Might is beyond his quirk, the same way Izuku is. He has the heart of a true hero.

The reason Izuku probably managed to survive those eight years without an ability to fight alongside his class- was because All Might was likely there beside him, both of them sharing the loss of their power after being at the front of the field. And they both know the importance of sharing their strength, their true strength, with future generations.

It was the strength of their hearts that put All Might and Deku above the rest.

[wyllaztopia]

2025 is coming so i let my friend @kayseeye [new agdt mod and assistant!!] clear agdt's askbox

as devastating as it was to see a bunch of creative remarks and asks go down the drain - let's be real, i won't have time to answer them with how linear the story is becoming for ease of access [goodbye 500 asks... though kacey took screenshots of drawings you guys sent in our inbox!!!]

hooowever, there's also another key reason we had to clear the inbox

[^ satire btw]

very long and convoluted psa/ramble about this matter ahead! but also slightly important and i encourage you to read it if you think about using agdt's inbox as a way to vent or share things about your irl troubles

some people treat the blog's inbox as a venting area

it doesn't really make me uncomfortable, it's just something i prefer not seeing. i don't like sharing or being shared personal information especially from an anon or a stranger

this doesn't go for just agdt - it goes for all blogs you interact with: please don't make yourself vulnerable to a stranger on the internet. you are putting yourself in a dangerous spot.

if you need escapism or help, turn to a professional or someone close - going to a stranger can go horribly wrong in two ways: you make them uncomfortable and subject them to a responsibility they never signed up for, or you let someone use your vulnerabilities and personal information against you.

i can probably count like 100 or so asks of people sharing something overly personal and asking for comfort. i don't hate it, i'm not mad, i'm just worried and i hope the people who send them become aware that they should not send those asks knowing that if they're answered, they could be answered publicly with everyone and their mama being able to see that vulnerable moment in that ask.

"just ignore them, wyll! besides, you didn't have any rules abt yo blog anyway, yo!"

nah, i'd win

can't exactly ignore them when it's been almost a year of young impressionable users over sharing to a stranger who answers asks publicly [along with the fact that i hardly see people talk about this matter when it comes to rp/ask blogs.] also so they don't do this to another askblog that has another impressionable youngin running it and publicizes asks that contain personal life info.

we don't add rules to asks on agdt because we can pick and choose which ones we answer. a set of rules isn't going to stop an asshole from breaking them so i'm not wasting my time trying to enforce one. and that's not what i'm trying to do in this post either. i'm putting this out there because i don't want people making the irrational decision of making their life and weakest moments accessible to people who want to use it against them.

i'm not trying to make a big deal out of this either. i can just skip or delete asks that i know i shouldn't answer or won't be able to. but that's my side of responsibility as someone with a platform. i want to make it clear that the audience that decides to interact with these kinds of blogs should be aware that just because you're behind a screen and concealed by an internet persona, that doesn't mean you're any safer from other people using your vulnerabilities against you.

[utilitycaster]

I was working on a significantly longer post, but I wanted to give a very high level summary of why I think the Mighty Nein are the mechanically best party and Bells Hells the weakest across the three main campaigns. I'm not sure the longer post will be helpful or effective, but if you are interested in seeing, let me know! I might also just post the first page or so which covers the three intro bullets here in much more depth.

Mechanically good is to an extent a subject measure but I believe that a good character build is either incredibly versatile (easily capable of most if not all of melee, ranged, and area of effect damage; healing capacity; buffing/debuffing; and tanking; as well as having significant prowess in at least one or two areas of out of combat utility, eg, transportation spells, highly valuable skills like charisma-based skills, navigation, or stealth, etc) OR a pinnacle of specialization (extraordinarily high damage output per turn/extremely high HP and AC tank). As you can see this is not limited to combat.

Party mechanics include composition; five very high damage output characters with no healing is not a good party, even they are individually good mechanically. A good party has a balance of the combat skills discussed above as well as the ability to find things out both magically (things like identify, scry, detect magic, legend lore, comprehend languages) and nonmagically (language proficiencies and skill proficiencies); ability to infiltrate both through stealth/small creatures and through social engineering/subterfuge; and ability to travel of their own power across long distances and planes).

Mechanics are situational: all rogues is good for a heist but not for open field combat against a horde of undead (hence my prioritization of versatility). In general, overlap/redundancy is good (two healers means you’re fine if one is down) but exact replication is not.

The Mighty Nein are able to do pretty much everything given that all characters but Yasha have at least one mental stat at or above 16 and they cover all three mental stats; the women of the party all have impressive physical stats; two clerics and a heavily support-based wizard plus a strong melee line plus a paladin multiclass plus a rogue covers all the combat skills. Caleb and both clerics have transportation spells (teleportation circle, teleport, word of recall, plane shift), Jester has Scry, and she and Caduceus both use Commune, covering forms of information gathering. Caleb has a familiar, both Veth and Beau are extremely good at stealth, and several party members have Polymorph should they need to infiltrate; nearly the entire party has Disguise Self as well. Given the heavy focus on versatility across the board, there are few if any D&D situations in which the Mighty Nein would not excel, despite having fewer magic items than either of the other parties for much if not all of their campaign. Ashley’s absences early on were noted, but Fjord and Beau held up the melee line and served as tanks (HP and dodge respectively) and Jester was able to handle strength-based tasks. Caleb also meant the party nearly always had a relatively safe place to stay.

Vox Machina, were slightly weaker due to an arcane caster being played by a dickhead and subsequently being asked to leave, and due to Ashley’s frequent absences were also down a cleric much of the time. I have frequently praised Sam and Marisha’s immense versatility in how they adapted Scanlan and Keyleth to fill as many gaps as they could. Vox Machina lacked a number of core arcane spells and did not have the redundancy that the Nein had, and because Keyleth often had to serve as melee/secondary tank in wildshape that meant they were often without AOE. However, they too had good representation across all mental stats and physical stats; two extremely strong ranged damagers plus a shorter ranged damager plus Grog on melee and as an impressive tank; and a heavily support-focused character in Scanlan. Keyleth was able to fill nearly any role in combat as needed. Out of combat, she also served as their primary ride, with Plane Shift, Wind Walk, and Transport Via Plants. Scanlan was able to handle a great deal of social infiltration scenarios, and Vax, Vex, and Percy all could as well. While they lacked someone who could cast Comprehend Languages, Vex’s polyglot ranger build covered a great deal. And, notably, Vox Machina’s build worked for their story - they did not need the same degree of arcane knowledge because they were able to outsource that organically to Allura and Gilmore, with whom they had built deep relationships, and instead focused on hunting down artifacts, tracking down dragons, and dungeon crawling, for which the twins especially were well-suited. While I think Vox Machina would have struggled through Aeor, I think they could have managed admirably if they’d been able to take Allura.

Bells Hells had similar problems to Vox Machina in combat, except with 8 people rather than 6. FCG and Fearne both could heal, but FCG’s subclass and Fearne’s temperament both worked against them, as FCG’s subclass naturally drove them towards tanking damage - however, there were three other tanks, and a full-time healer who did not need to stop healing to deal damage to avoid taking damage would have been more useful with this party comp. Imogen and Laudna both primarily focused on single-target damage with almost complete overlap of their skill area, and Laudna especially had a build heavily focused on keeping herself up; this is not inherently bad (Caleb also had Blur and Shield) but sorcerer is also the caster with the least versatility. FCG and Fearne rarely used AOE (somehow, despite two people having it, Bells Hells cast fireball less than Caleb, and FCG rarely used Spirit Guardians). The party was also, in a heavily lore-focused campaign, lacking in any high intelligence characters and frequently were unable to make basic history, religion, or arcana checks. Fearne’s choice to take levels in Arcane Trickster were good character beats and even added some useful basic skills (Identify, Disguise Self) but as a result of her never taking levels in Druid above 10, she did not gain access to Transport Via Plants nor Plane Shift. If Imogen or Dorian took Teleport they did not use it, and neither Imogen, Laudna, nor Dorian took/used Teleportation Circle. Bells Hells were entirely dependent on the Staff of Dark Odyssey, which could only cast Teleport once per day and which had both a physical penalty and, it was implied, a higher chance of malfunction. In short: almost all of the party focused on damage output, without much in the way of buffs or debuffs Ashton’s abilities were unreliable; Orym and Chetney, despite being primary tanks/melee damage in a party with 4-5 primary casters ended up doing most of the debuffing through battle maneuvers and blood curses. There is a reason why it feels like so much of Bells Hells’ story is them being lore-dumped upon and ferried around; it is because they did not have the means to discover information or travel on their own power.

[cuppajj]

At base power (as in by this point saint vanilla is nowhere near close to ascending), who's the strongest too weakest of the neo-beasts?

This is bound to fluctuate but here’s weakest to strongest:

Saint Vanilla - his magic is all that carries him. Despite being wicked hard to escape, he has little to no physical way of fighting. It doesn’t mean he’s easy to hit, though.

Midnight Lily, who also relies mostly on magic, but her chlorokinesis is pretty dangerous. She can turn the terrain around her into a weapon if in the right place.

Celestial Cheese is able to use creation to assist her, on top of her ability to summon countless hands that can turn anything into gold. She’s also got a lot of physical combat prowess, though nowhere near a powerhouse. She’s very formidable though, and she has way more tricks up her sleeve than first thought.

Dragonberry is the epitome of a war machine. What she lacks for in magic, she makes up for in being nigh invincible. While she’s yet to be a dragon, she’s certainly got the strength of one; she can plow through practically anything, take down beasts over ten times her size, and her heartiness means she’s hard to take down, even when outnumbered. She’s got the potential to take on an entire battalion singlehandedly.

It’s unknown what the full extent of Frigid Cacao’s capabilities are, but glimpses of it have been monstrously haunting, to say the least. With an entire force of nature at his disposal, along with two dragons, and a soul jam… there’s a reason why he elicits almost as much concern as Saint. He’s an enigma, but he’s already powerful enough to be Dragonberry’s formidable foe. He’s the only one who’s made her worry about losing a fight.

As you can see though, some placements can be pretty subjective, especially with Saint’s. While he may be objectively the weakest due to having little physical capabilities, he’s still the scariest one in the room for how powerful his magic is. Versely, Dragonberry’s second strongest despite having little magic to her name. So all of this is to say, they’re all horrendously powerful no matter which way you look at them.

[study-diaries]

How To Study Multiple Subjects

As someone who had studied 4 subjects plus 2 languages and additional courses and extra curricular when i was homeschooled and in high school, obviously i got used to studying multiple subjects. It's fairly easy and interesting.

Here's the thing, multiple subjects is a blessing in disguise. It's easy to study many subjects because you have variety. Your brain loves variety. So, here's some tips...

Maintain Good Study Material

The mistake most students make is that they don't have the basic ground foundation. They don't know what's on the syllabus, how its structure is. Literally nothing. Many students i know, only search for their materials like two days before their exam and they panic. So, gather the following at the beginning of the school year/semester:

Textbooks (If you have any)

Practice papers

Previous year papers

Extra reading materials/ Reference books

If you don't have any textbooks. Go through the topics that you have and gather resources from different sources.

Different Notebooks For Every Subjects

I really don't understand the concept of using a single notebook for like 5-6 subjects. Like, you literally can't manage it. Even if you divide sections in the book, it will get confusing and sometimes the pages won't even be enough. So, just get a notebook for each subject. It will help you stay organized.

Divide Subjects.

Every subject is learnt and graded in a different way. You can’t use the same study techniques for every subject you have. You have mostly 3 types of subjects:

Memorization based

Practical/Question based

Theory/Essay based

You use different study techniques for different subjects. Memorization based subjects require more revision. Practical/Question based subjects require more practice. Theory based subjects require you to learn how to format your information.

Read up more: Division Of Subjects

Easy VS Difficult Subjects For You

Take a paper and write all your subjects. Now, draw a line and write your difficult subjects on one side and easy subjects on the other side. And then rate it from the most interesting to the most boring and categorize it. And then rank them on which ones take the same place. You'll get an idea of where you stand with your subjects and now you can study accordingly.

2 Subjects Per Day

This is the most important one i always recommend. If you're studying, then only 2 subjects per day should be taken up for it. Pair an interesting subject with a lighter one. If you hate accounts or find it difficult but you love English, then that's your combo. Make combinations and write them down. You can change them any day based on mood or you can keep them the same. It's up to you.

Standard Subject

I usually like to have at least one standard subject every day. That was accounts for me because i was so bad at it. The goal is not to ignore the subject until it is harder than usual. The goal is to study it every day. That subject must be your weakest one.

Breaks

Breaks are really necessary. I advise you to not allot a certain time limit for the break. Rather take a break when you actually feel tired. If you've worked for 2 hours straight, then you deserve an hour of rest. If you worked for just 30 mins and you feel tired, take 15 mins as your break. Divide your work time by half and that is your break time.

Subject Alignment With Energy

Your weakest subject must be done in your highest energy in order for you to grasp the actual concepts. That's the main aspect of it. Low energy = Easy subjects. High energy = Harder subjects. You have to identify your core energy grids and align your subjects accordingly.

Chunk Information

Group all your facts together. Instead of studying like everything is completely unrelated, study like it's all connected. If you want to learn something, chunk all your facts together. Create a visual chunk. Make everything related.

Use Mnemonics & Storytelling

Learn with these two. These help you to remember easily. Make stories and catchy phrases to remember points/facts. These are like the building blocks of studying anything. Stick small notes to your books writing the small stories and phrases beside the topic so the next time you want to revise it, it's easy.

Cheat Sheets

Create small cheat sheets. Write them down. No digital notes. Because you have physical copies. Make formulae sheets, theories, everything for every subject you are learning and keep them in different folders. Don't mix your sheets. You'll get overwhelmed. During revision, this will help a lot.

Fake Exams & Improvement Sheets

Create a fake exam environment. Sit on your desk with a timer, take a question paper and act as if you're actually writing the exam. Do this at least once and note everything. How much time you take to answer each question. What are your mistakes. Which section is your weakest. Note them down and most importantly, your overall improvements you should make.

For me, I did this for accounts, and it gave me so much clarity especially the improvements. I used to go through this improvement sheet before my actual exam and i did not repeat even a single mistake again. The trick is to keep updating the sheet by adding improvements from your actual exams too.

Testing At Random Times

I did this mostly during travel time. If i learnt a specific topic some time ago. And if i had nothing to do then I'd just mentally ask myself a question about that topic and answer it. Many times, even i am surprised the questions i ask, it gives a deep understanding of the topic. I used to even connect it to other concepts. Ask questions relating both. It's even better if you jump from one subject to the other.

Connect Similar Topic

Connect all your related subjects. Everything in school is somehow connected. I usually used to connect economics and business studies concepts. Sometimes even computers so... Connect them.

Practice Subjects Need More Time

Subjects like Accountancy, Physics, Chemistry, Economics, Maths need more time because they are in one way more practical. They require practice. Whether it be experiments o through sums. Invest more time in these subjects.

PYQ's

Use past year question papers because nothing shows important topics like pyq's. Note and mark the repeated questions and review them repeatedly. This really helps.

Read up more: How do you actually use previous year question papers

__________________

Hope this helps :))

[circeyoru]

Twins But Still Different = Requested

[Liu Zhigang x Jinwoo’s Younger Twin!Reader | Sung Jinwoo x Younger Twin!Reader - Platonic]

The Request

For as long as you could remember, you always had a knack for learning languages and anything academic. You weren’t one for physical activities like playing outdoors or anything too active like sports or the like. You were the complete opposite of Sung Jinwoo, your beloved twin. While Jinwoo would play catch with your father, you would bake cookies with your mother. Though, even with your differences, the two of you were twins and were still as close.

After Jinah joined the family, the two of you were the older siblings, Jinwoo being the oldest and you the middle child. The two of you would care for the youngest while your parents were busy with work or doing other things, so the three of you were close even with the new addition to the family. According to the other parents, it was undoubtedly a rarity how there weren’t favouritisms or rebellious phases from either you or Jinwoo. In truth, there were but those were nothing compared to other children’s. The most you two did was fight for who gets to sleep at the top bunk or getting what toy to play.

When you two were in high school, the two of you excelled differently. Jinwoo was more social while you focused your time on academics. You never touched physical education nor gave it any thought, but Jinwoo was definitely better than you ever would. Still, you seemed to have good reflexes and agility, Jinwoo had more strength, speed and stamina. If anyone were to look at you two side by side, they’d say the two of you would complete each other.

And you’d agree. With Jinwoo by your side, you two could do anything. Even after the dungeon breaks all over the world and Gates started appearing out of the blue. Your father awakened as a Hunter and protected your family from monsters. When the world recovered somewhat, your father had gone to be an official Hunter to earn even more money. Jinwoo would learn from your father, in case he awakens as he said, and you did your part, researching everything there was to know about Hunters, Gates, dungeons, and especially the monsters and their abilities.

Due to your obsession would learning about the new subjects and ground-breaking discoveries, you were one of the top researchers to provide knowledge for the Hunters. Since you were fluent in many languages, you were not only able learn your own country, but to give these information to the other countries. What you seek wasn’t fame, but any glimmer of hope of finding your father and curing your mother.

The worst came to past when your father went missing inside a Gate and your mother fell into a coma known as Eternal Slumber, something new after the Gates appeared along with Hunters. Speaking of, Jinwoo awakened as a Hunter, but as an E-Rank, even given the title <The Weakest Hunter of All Mankind>.

It was painful to see and hear the comparison made between you and Jinwoo. None of what you did was to one-up Jinwoo in any sense. So you cut off any that openly laughed at your twin with such malice and mockery. Jinwoo was just as hardworking―if not, even more―as you because he was putting his life on the line while you worked in the safety of a lab of some library.

How dare they…

You feared, deep down, that Jinwoo might hate you in some way because of this. That it would drive a wedge between the two of you, but your twin was still as supportive as he ever was. You’d give him a masterclass of what you established and trained him to at least know how to identify monsters and their weakness to increase his survivability in the dungeons. To tell what would be advantageous to him, or help him help his team so that he would be protected. 

Knowledge is power in cases. No one can just use brute force and powers in dungeons. There are more factors in play and you’ll give Jinwoo this weapon. He may be an E-Rank Hunter and he may be looked down upon, but that still doesn’t mean he’s weak and powerless. You’ll use your fame and wisdom as a shield for Jinwoo.

Soon, you were scouted for your academic talents. Agents from the Chinese Hunters Association approached you with an offer you couldn’t refuse. They prioritized knowledge and information, so you were a perfect candidate in their ranks. You couldn’t leave Jinwoo behind, in turn they offered to transfer part of your pay back to Korea to your family so you wouldn’t have to worry too much. You grudgingly agreed after Jinwoo and Jinah encouraged you to go, saying they’d be fine. In return, you promised to return every long holiday.

Your work in China wasn’t too different and everything was relatively the same since the most challenging part―language―was already dealt with. You quickly became the leading researcher in Gates and anything related, China was abundant in resources and they provided you with everything you ever needed to advance. You held talks and lectures, even programmes to educate citizens and Hunters alike. Every day, it was a race for you to fulfil your goals for your parents, as well as other victims.

It wasn’t on your bucket list to meet China’s strongest Hunter though. A 7-Star Hunter, even a National Level Hunter too, Liu Zhigang. You pictured him to be more arrogant and egoistic, yet he was quite down-to-earth. Sure, his questions challenged you but they do give you some insight to what you have been stuck on. You’d just give credit where its due, but Zhigang would always say, “For the world or whatever, right?”

“You’re always like this…” You’d chuckled back at him, playfully pushing him off the side of the table―only because he let you, else you wouldn’t be able to even move a muscle―to get the papers under his butt. “Let me get my work done, mister seven stars.”

“Told you to call me ‘Zhigang’ already, little owl.” Zhigang glared down at you.

If it was the first time you met him, you might have been intimidated, but no. You smirked back, “And I told you not to call me that.”

The Hunter shrugged and played with his blades, throwing it in midair and then catching it or spinning it in his hands. “Look into a mirror, you have giant dark circles! I didn’t call you a panda cause your neck looks nonexistent! Just like an owl.”

Tick marks appeared on your temple and you shouted at him, “Get out! I can’t concentrate!! Go train or run over a mountain!!!”

Zhigang would constantly pester you when you were cooped up in the lab. At first, you two were introduced to each other by the officials since their strongest Hunter should get your findings as soon as possible in case of any development or if he was needed in battle. He insulted you to your face because you quote “Too young” and you kicked him where the sun didn’t shine without hesitation.

Thus, some tension was between you two, any outsider would see sparks between the two of you were your eyes connected. Not the romantic or friendship kind, mind you. It was the “I would have killed you if you weren’t important to the world” type of sparks. Yeah. Think ‘murderous’ but aim lower, or maybe higher, who knows honestly.

Why?

Because you two work wonders.

Though you’re not a Hunter, you were sent with Zhigang into a dungeon with a team of 4 to 5-Star Hunters in the front. Zhigang was there as a safety net and you were there as the instructor. Despite your animosity between each other, there was a surprising level of pure trust between the two of you. Some would say, complete trust. The two of you respected each other and your proficiency in your own specialty; Zhigang as a strong Hunter and you as a knowledgeable researcher.

The Hunters had the perfect seat in the house to view your partnership with Zhigang. While some might argue you weren’t needed, anyone would say otherwise when they saw what happened that day. A normal B-Rank Gate turned into a Red Gate, luckily, it was a forest environment and the temperature wasn’t too bad. You quickly assessed the situation while Zhigang handled your safety, and you easily deduced what the surroundings were, what changes would be brought with time, and even what potential monsters would appear.

Contrary to belief, it wasn’t a typical forest. It was like a mix of forest and river or ocean; at night, the forest would be submerged. They would have drowned if they had made camp on the ground level. Since in the morning there weren’t any monsters, what they would face was aquatic-based monsters; the boss would also possibly be of that kind or a mix of land and sea.

You and Zhigang worked together as the perfect pair to pinpoint a plan of action. Zhigang could take down a boss, only if you can correctly identify what exactly it was and devise the perfect plan surrounding its weakness. The Hunters that tagged along could only set up camp somewhere safe so the two of you could work with a peace of mind.

In the end, you narrowed it down to three bosses but they required different tactics entirely. Still, Zhigang reassured you that he was capable of switching gears if the situation calls for it. He told you while holding your shoulders and staring dead into your eyes, “I trust you with my life as you do yours with me. We’re in this together.”

That was just one of your partnerships with Zhigang inside a Gate. Your teamwork with Zhigang sparked international headlines, prompting some daring and envious individuals to try what you did. Needless to say, the death count was at an all-time high. There were a few noticeable factors; knowledge, skills, luck, and complete faith in others. Any hesitation and it’s bye-bye life. 

You were only alive because it was Zhigang by your side; if it was anyone else, you would have died as well. You also couldn’t be 100% correct in your assumptions and information; in the end, you still have to rely on a Hunter’s skill and instinct to ensure your survival. That Hunter had to be both powerful and strong―physically and mentally. Liu Zhigang checked all those boxes.

Things happened and one after another boom, you two were a couple. There wasn’t a romantic confession nor a candlelight dinner. You were the one to ask him over the communications after he finished defeating another boss to be a couple and he said yes, while drenched in said boss’ blood. 

After that, nothing much changed except for you two living together and sharing more daily moments with each other, like making meals in the kitchen and not the research pantry or sitting on the couch lazying around and not sleeping in your office chair later to be slapped awake by Zhigang for your bad position. It was mundane. It was good that there was no expectation to be some celebrity couple and make a show out of it. Though you guess it might have something to do with you two keeping it under wraps.

“Hey, isn’t that your twin?” Zhigang called out to you while the TV was playing behind him.

“Huh? What?” You shouted back, fixing yourself a good bowl of instant noodles after a day of work. You came out of the kitchen to join Zhigang on the couch, but when you came close and saw what was on the news, you froze. “What?!”

“Woah!” Zhigang caught your bowl that you subconsciously let go of. “Hey, you can’t use this as an excuse to have me cook…” He stopped when he saw your face, he placed the bowl down on the coffee table and slowly guided you to sit down. “I’ll book tickets to Korea. How does that sound?”

You could only nod your head, still in shock over the news. Your silly twin had that silly face and stupid expression when he was caught off guard. He might look and sound different, but it was still the same old Jinwoo. If anyone deserved to be S-Rank, it was him.

As your loving boyfriend promised, he booked the tickets for you to return to Korea. When you got to Korea, it was chaotic to say the least, crowds gathered and pictures kept snapping in your faces. Zhigang would shield you in addition to the Hunter Association staff members. It was annoying but expected since Zhigang was present and you were back in Korea; you were famous then but even more so now since your twin rose to the S-Rank title through a reawakening.

You tried calling Jinwoo again to let him know you were in Korea, yet you were sent to voice mail like all the other times. It was odd how frequently that happened recently. Though you chalked it up to the timezone and work schedules. Jinwoo’s was unpredictable as a Hunter was always on standby in case of emergency. You had a fixed schedule; however, you tend to overwork yourself as a workaholic, according to Zhigang.

“I’ll check into the hotel, join me when you’re done.” Zhigang gave you a hug before you exited the car.

You hummed and nodded. “Thanks for being patient.”

“I think you trained my patience when I waited hours for you to be done with work to get a simple meal.” Zhigang huffed. It was true; sometimes, you’d forget about lunch or dinner plans entirely and let a lonely Hunter sit at the table waiting. So Zhigang end up calling you an hour or two before meal time to confirm you were going to be free to eat, if not, then chances are… he’ll drag you out of the office to eat.

The car drove off while you waved it bye. Your hand dropped and you glanced at the hospital building. You tightened the coat around you as you stepped closer, it hugged you tightly as if you were shivering in a blizzard. It had been four years, you had so many discoveries, cracked so many monsters, and made so many contributions. Yet none could wake up your beloved mother.

You sat down in the chair next to the bed. With your authority, you had the hospital give your mother an exclusive private room and 24/7 visiting hours. It was mainly for Jinwoo since after you were gone to China, he was the only one left to take care of your mother. Jinah would visit, but you told her to take care of her studies so Jinwoo wouldn’t be worried about her. Then again, if you had found a Hunter with teleportation capabilities, you would be visiting your mother as well, instead of always burying yourself in work.

“Mom…” You adjusted her covers after you opened the window to let the warm night breeze flow into the room to air it. “I’m back home, I’m sorry… I still haven’t found a way to wake you up…” You grind your jaw, holding back tears. What was the use of all the fame, wealth, and power you had when your father was still gone and your mother was sleeping and awaiting death? “I’m trying… I’m sorry… Jinwoo’s risking his life and I’m just… I’m so useless…”

You glanced at the familiar scar on her neck. There was that one time when Jinwoo wanted to wash your mother’s hair, but didn’t check the water temperature. You were reading how to wash women’s hair thoroughly when you heard your mother’s panicked screams. You rushed out of the bathroom while hugging the book close to your chest. The scene you met was Jinwoo’s face riddled with guilt and his eyes zoned in on the spot your mother was covering on the side of her neck.

You quickly let go of your book and went into the kitchen for a cloth then soaked it with cool water, quickly passing it to your mother to help her burn. Then you pulled Jinwoo away after checking he was fine and told your mother so she could tend to her injury. You guided your in-shock twin back into your shared room and hugged him, and he cried like a baby while clutching onto you. He was sorry that it was his fault his mother was hurt and you were sorry that you weren’t there to help in time. That was probably the only time you two cried in secret from your parents.

“Why can’t I always be there at the right time?!” You collapsed, hugging her hand dearly to you. It was still warm, but you shudder to think how long it’d maintain its warmth. You swallowed, trying to calm yourself, all these buried emotions were coming back full force and more. You placed your head down in your folded arms that still held her hand close. “Can you wait a little longer so I can find the answer, mom?”

The silence was deafening. Your ears honed in on the rustling of the curtains and the quiet and slow beats of her heart in contrast to your loud and speedy one. You’re not patient, you couldn’t wait. No, you could wait, but could your mother? Every time you relaxed, that little voice in your mind would question, “What if your mother passed away then?” or “What if that time could be used to find some clue?”. You knew you were pressuring yourself and you didn’t give yourself much luxury to relax when your mother’s life was on the line.

A new sound dragged you out of your spiralling negativity. The strong flap of wings that would point you to some type of bat or dragon beast, though the silent would eliminate a bat-type beast, so a dragon-type. Given the lack of destruction, it was a smaller one, so a wyvern? Then you heard a soft cling and you looked up, there was Jinwoo in battered clothing and some form of mist around him. His glowing blue eyes shifted from your mother to you and they widened. “You’re here?”

“Jinwoo…” You shot up.

He landed on solid ground and you two shared a hug. It has been a year or more since your last visit to him. And he changed so much. He must have been through a lot.

“Are you visiting mom after a raid?” You smiled up at him.

“Something like that. I actually want to try waking mom up.” Jinwoo raised a vile with red liquid inside.

Your eyes widened, “Where did you get this? Are you sure this can wake mom up? Can we trust this?” You shook your head, “No, I need to test this. If something goes wrong, I―”

“Calm down. I know.” Jinwoo spoke. You stopped and looked up at him. You glanced down at the vile, and his arm was shaking. Just as you’re worried, he felt the same. “I know the risks…”

You took a deep breath and cupped his hand in yours, you smiled, “I’ll trust you. As you trust this.”

Jinwoo took the stage. Gently, he lifted up your mother and tilted the vile to let the liquid flow down her mouth to her throat then her stomach. Jinwoo let her lay back down as he took a seat, waiting for the best. You two held each other’s hand, gripping it tightly to ground yourselves with each other’s presence. 

Please let us take over… the burden you’ve been carrying, mom.

Time ticked by second by second. You waited. Jinwoo waited. You hoped. Jinwoo hoped. You wished. Jinwoo wished. Once more, you two were in sync with each other. Though, all this time, the two of you have been working towards this. You two maintained your family and living. You two searched and searched for a cure. It didn’t matter who was first to do it, it wasn’t a race or a competition.

“Could it be…”

Simultaneously, your heads raised and your eyes widened at the woken figure on the bed. To hear her voice once more call your names with such care and affection. Jinwoo and you gripped each other’s hands unconsciously, as if making sure it was reality and not a dream.

“How long was I sleeping for?” Your mother asked gently as if we were fragile glass.

“4 years.” You pressed your lips tightly, your eyes starting to get watery, you kept blinking repeatedly.

“It’s been 4 years.” Jinwoo answered as stoically as possibly, his head lowered.

“4 years?” Your mother repeated with shock in her voice, “How about Jinah? Is Jinah fine?”

You nodded with a smile while Jinwoo answered, “Yea, she’s fine.”

Your mother smiled back, “Thank you, my precious twins. You two kept your promise.” Mother took Jinwoo’s free hand, then gestured for you to come closer and give her your hand. She held both your hands in hers. “Being hurt like this…” She looked at Jinwoo, “It must’ve been difficult.” Then at you, “It must’ve been tiring.”

You shook your head violently. It didn’t matter that your hands were rougher now, that there were little harder spots from the paper cuts or the shallow cuts you got. Even the aching muscles you have from time to time for training self-defense to enter Gates. As long as this scene happened. It was all worth it. You’re positive it was the same for your twin.

For tears flowed down from both of your faces like a river. Finally. Finally, all that you two have done bore fruit in the best way. The three of you hugged each other. How long has it been? It must have been long because both of you cried like babies again. Just like that time in your rooms.

“Yea.”

➤ Manhwa Used: Chapter 89

Note: Hello, hello~~ There's been a lot of dark and angst posts, so I'm switching it up with some lighter ones. This one has two pairing, but love interest is obvious guys. Hope you like this one~~ (though it's a bit long)

𝕮𝖎𝖗𝖈𝖊 𝖄.

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