#stupid intriguing horrible quest

[4th-make-quail]

Because there was news about Fallen London rpg today, it's reminded me of the existence of my Fallen London character and I've been poking actions this evening, back to once again toying with the idea of Seeking Mr Eaten... Like bitch, you accidentally got locked into this quest before (hand full of undiscardable SMEN cards), panicked and stopped playing, then years later finally managed to get out of the quest!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

And yet......... Here I am trying to get my watchful up closer to 200 cos I'm now seriously considering it.......

[drunken-drengr]

How bout cole 1, vivienne 5, varric 5, dorian 2, cass 4?

Ah yes the companions I really don't talk about enough!!

Cole

1. Before Cole’s personal mission, how did your Inquisitor feel about him? Were they comfortable or uncomfortable around him?

"Awh hell naw bro I don't fuck with demon shit man" - Inquisitor Herald Karrie 'Bjornsdottir' Cadash, right before proceeding to fuck with demon shit.

Yeah uh Karrie didn't like him at all. In truth she was about to slam the Haven gates in his face then she looked behind him and saw a fucking 10 foot tall magister and his army of templars and she was like 'o shit nvm bro u right my bad my bad' and said fuck it come inside lost puppy dog. She only kept him around after that because 1. he wanted to stay and he did kinda come in clutch at Haven so she owed that to him and 2. Solas said so and Karrie DOES NOT want to make Solas upset. If Solas trusts Cole, how bad can he be....? Horrible he's awful horrendous gross demon boy. Karrie DOES NOT appreciate him touching her brain thoughts those are HER juices. Eventually she gets used to him though, because despite not having any real personality the kid really grows on a person. Their whole relationship before his personal quest is basically 'Why do you push away everyone you love?' 'idk' 'Everyone in the inner circle wants to fuck you in one way or another' 'Damn dude fr? Tell me everyone's social security numbers'

Vivienne

5. How did your Inquisitor feel about Vivienne? Friends? Allies? Rivals?

Their relationship is back and forth. For the most part, Karrie dislikes her and how she uses the Inquisition for her own advantage. But she can respect how she carries herself as an independent woman, how she plays the Game with such cunningness, how she managed to rise above the odds and make the best out of being in the Circles, dominating her environment like an apex predator. A true shark behind a veil of elegance. They share some moments where they share their insights on matters, exchange advice and knowledge. Karrie can't say she isn't grateful for the advice Vivienne gives her, at least on the Game and how to deal with nobility. But they can't exactly call each other friends. They have a mutual respect, and a mutual understanding of not to get in each other's ways. They're always watching each other's every move and action like a hawk. Just two Queens on the grindset, y'know, gatekeep-gaslight-girlboss-ing, fighting, the norm.

Varric

5. Did your Inquisitor leave Hawke in the fade or save Hawke? How did that affect their relationship with Varric?

Honestly, Arrow didn't give Karrie much of a choice. She pretty much stepped up to the plate and took one for the team. Hawke understood that the world needed someone to lead the Wardens more than it needed her. She played her part, the world took everything from her, and the world would take her as well. In the end, Karrie did agree with Arrow, though it was saddening to see the hero to her end. Understandably, Varric was very heart broken, but he believed Karrie when she said it was Hawke's own choice, what she wanted in the end. "Figures, Hawke would do something stupid like that," Varric chuckled sadly as Karrie gently embraced the fellow dwarf.

Dorian

2. How did your Inquisitor feel about the Necromancy specialization? Were they intrigued? Disgusted?

It was definitely interesting to say the least. Karrie isn't a big fan of corpses, you see.... She wasn't too thrilled to see him reanimate them, even if they were just spirits. But it was intriguing, more so than plain magic she saw everyday mages using. Necromancy had its perks, though, Karrie just thought of all the amazing pranks it could pull off....

Cassandra

4. Did your Inquisitor agree with Cassandra’s vision for the Chantry? Did they choose her as Divine?

Yes, for the most part. Karrie did agree that the Chantry needed reforming, and she admired Cassandra's incredible faith and determination. But, despite that, Karrie made Leliana Divine Victoria in the end. Cassandra's goals were admirable, but the changes she wanted were minor in comparison to Leliana's visions, and could be undone by the next divine, no doubt. Also, choosing Leliana as Divine just felt... right. If she didn't have that gut feeling to support Leliana, she would have chosen Cassandra, but something just spoke to her. The one thing she disapproved of with Leliana was her abolition of the Circles, but besides that, she saw her changes for the Chantry as better than Cassandras, more radical.

[spicycreativity]

Idk if you’re still doing requests, but if you are, how about something with Janus coming back to the Dark Mindscape after a bad meeting with the others and just being really upset, and Remus walking in on him crying and comforting him?

You guys are really challenging me with these requests! (Affectionate 💕) Thank you for sending this one in!

In my quest to craft a scenario where I found it believable that Janus would cry, I ended up creating a sort of one-sided anti-Moceit, which was a very intriguing avenue to explore, and which I would like to think about in-depth later 👀

(And then I started thinking about the potential for a weird love triangle thing where Remus is in love with Janus who's in love with Patton who... isn't in love with anyone and how that could possibly end-- probably in some sort of heavy-handed aro-friendly lesson about managing your own expectations and not forcing other people into roles they're not comfortable with uhh sorry this has nothing to do with your request)

Anyway, let's break that snake

The brutal sting of humiliation sat heavy in Janus' chest, taking up the space where his heart and lungs were supposed to go. It hurt to breathe, in fact, he couldn't breathe except in these awful shallow gasps. He had… obviously misread some things, misplaced his trust. Patton-- Patton was supposed to have--

Janus fell back against the wall, unsure of quite where he was and too miserable to care. He pressed his fingertips to his forehead and took in a deep, trembling breath that dissipated into a shuddering sob.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

This is what he got for opening up. Oh, he told them his name, oh, he reached out to Patton, he had even been stupid enough believe that Patton might…

That Patton might want him.

The first few tears blurred Janus' vision; he refused to blink in the hopes that they might just drain away. He wasn't crying. He didn't cry. Because crying meant that someone had hurt him, and he was always so, so careful not to let anyone in.

Except that his treacherous heart had slipped past the bars of its own cage and run to Patton and it had ended like this. He'd had no backup. The first meeting since his humiliating name reveal had ended in further humiliation when everyone, everyone, everyone had shut him down and not even Patton had stepped in to say one thing in his favor.

Fuck.

With one final gasp, it was over. The tears began to pour down Janus' cheeks and great, shuddering sobs made his shoulders shake. He had to get out of here. If anyone found him like this, crying because his feelings were hurt, he could never show his face again. They already didn't take him seriously, they'd made that abundantly clear. Even the grudging fear-respect he'd managed to scrape together would vanish.

But wouldn't that be a fitting end for his reputation? One final humiliation after a long line of them.

God, it was hopeless.

"Whoa," said a voice.

Janus flinched. Then he reached for the last, tattered scraps of his pride and straightened up to face the intruder, arranging his face into a scowl despite the tears still pouring down his cheeks. "Remus," he said in a horribly strangled voice.

Remus closed the distance between them and kissed Janus' forehead, knocking his hat askew. "How was the meeting?"

Janus laughed. Hysterically. "Fan-fucking-tastic," he said, his chest still spasming with choked half-sobs. "They all love m--" He couldn't couldn't get the full lie out.

"Good," said Remus. He bounced on his toes so casually that Janus didn't even realize he was adding to his height until he scooped Janus up into his arms and started to walk. His whole body thrummed with repressed energy and Janus spared a moment in his sickening self-pity parade to feel grateful. Remus rarely found cause to hold himself back or tone himself down, especially not for someone else's benefit. He was putting in a monumental effort, all for Janus. This only made him cry harder. Fuck. Remus continued, "I'm glad it went so well. Tell me what happened?"

They reached the living room. Remus let out a little huff of air through his nose and the whole thing became a massive pillow fort, almost tall enough to stand up straight in. Remus ducked through the entrance and settled the both of them down in a beanbag chair.

Janus adjusted a little so Remus' sleeves weren't digging into his face quite so much. "The usual," he said, fighting to get the words out without more pathetic sobs taking over. "They all listened and, and let me explain m-myself, and when the others tried to shut me down…" Here it was, the most hideous truth in the flimsiest disguise, the one that made him want to dig out his own heart so it could never betray him like this again: "Patton backed me up." The words came out in a whisper, aching in the back of his throat, and a fresh wave of tears irritated the sensitive skin of his human cheek.

Beneath him, Remus was shaking a little with the effort of repressing himself, but his voice was remarkably steady. "I'm glad, Dee." He traced his fingertips across Janus' back, drawing little swirls and shapes. "It's what you deserve. You've been working so hard to get everyone pointed in the right direction and I'm so, so fucking glad--" A pause, so Remus could take a deep breath-- "that they're finally listening."

"Lucky for you," Remus said, his pent-up energy now booming in his voice, "I love having a captive audience. Sit tight! I've been re-writing The Princess Bride with guns!"

"Thanks," Janus said weakly, and sniffled. The tears seemed to be slowing a little, though he now had a massive headache to show for it. The truth, undisguised, crawled pitifully out of his throat in a thin, quavering plea: "I don't want to think about it any more."

Janus smiled a little despite himself.

[autisticzukka]

what is this hakoda zuko arranged marriage you speak of? i am intrigued

okay so the long story short is that it’s a slight rebuttal of a popular post that is very fun but i find like... unrealistic in a really intriguing way like, how would this ACTUALLY play out. I’ve talked about it at length in my server a few times, and it’s one of those AU’s -- like the genderbend zukka ATLA rewrite or the zukki fic that starts with sokka failing to assassinate zuko -- that lives rent free in my head and I’ve written a couple thousand words for.

tw for like VERY unrequited zuko in love with hakoda and the inherent comedy of sokka being in love with his fire nation stepmom.

so here’s hakoda, chief of the southern water tribe, happily not-married to Bato. and here is a more balanced war, where the north and the south are actually  allies, rather than whatever the fuck they were in ATLA. Yue already has a fiance and the Northern chief refuses to remarry. that leaves hakoda responsible for biting the bullet and doing a political marriage even though, as he points out at length, he is an elected official and if he stops being elected it’s no longer a marriage with the chief of the south pole. intelligently but mostly selfishly motivated (yue’s fiance is his nephew, after all) pakku points out that its not like the fire nation knows... that. the fire nation is dumb. ozai’s stupid.

faced with such inarguable points hakoda stiffens his upper lip, pre-emptively ends things with bato on the understanding that if this is another kya situation they’ll get back together and that he’s still the most important person to him but the tribe comes first yada yada, and deals with katara throwing the mother of all tantrums. it is slightly softened by the fact that in return for him marrying the fire nation noble, a thing everyone can agree isn’t traditional, the north has finally agreed to train katara. she heads out before the wedding, in protest but also so as to not cause an international incident.

(on her way, she’ll find aang. with the war less dire, katara will be sympathetic towards his desire to live without committing violence, even if she deeply can’t relate. they’ll have a hot girl romcom summer of self discovery and coming to terms with the dichotomy between duty and love as they become master benders. at some point they pick up toph. they ARE a throuple.)

sokka meanwhile is like.. not cool with it.. but ? kind of relieved? like. he’s the eldest kid. he’s 18, and he’s been a man of the tribe as far as legalities for several years. it would have been entirely understandable if his dad had asked HIM to do it. he had his emotionally crushing romance with yue, and as much as he was like ‘im kind of a prince’, he finds he doesn’t actually want some of the responsibilities and demands that would bring. yue’s life sucks.

back in the fire nation, zuko never demanded a quest and never went on it. he’s spent years hardening into something that, while brittle, can survive the pressures of the court around him. he still has his scar. he still wants his father to love him, but he knows by now that it’s not something he’s capable of earning. he watches his sister, never the most stable person, start to have complete breakdowns of sanity once she hits puberty, and helps her cover for it and receive medical treatment on the down low. he’s the heir, but he lives knowing that if he was ever in a position to inherit his choices are to abdicate or have the baby sister who he raised kill him and destroy herself and the country in the process.

when he realizes the plan is to marry azula off rather than someone more reasonable-- mai is RIGHT there, for fucks sake-- he doesn’t realize ozai’s true intent is to fuck this up through malicious compliance and false shows of good faith. he panics, and does the zuko thing: he blurts out that this is unacceptable and immoral and she’s only 16 and Ozai sees the true opportunity for two birds with one stone. send zuko, let him piss someone off so badly he gets killed or divorced, and he gets rid of zuko from the line of succession permanently. there are those who are incredibly attached to teh idea of a firstborn for firelord, and it’s been a constant thorn in unpopular ozai’s side to nto be able to name azula his heir apparent without costly rebellion. but if he can taint him in the mind of the fire nation so much that birthright is easy to supercede-- yeah. this’ll work PERFECTLY.

so zuko is sent to marry hakoda, chief of the water tribe.

literally NO ONE was expecting it to be a member of Ozai’s immediate family. besides the fact that his oldest child is half hakoda’s age and his brother has 20 years on hakoda, it would have been sus as fuck - the treaty is not favorable enough to grant that kind of secession of interests. it becomes quickly apparent that this young man -- hakoda reminds himself of that repeatedly. not kid. not kid. young man. don’t think of him like a kid, it’s hard enough on both of us already. -- is not a horrible threat. he’s scared shitless and shakes with what he thinks is bravado. he’s desperate to make the marriage work. he’s desperate to not go home. he’s got a giant fucking scar on his face from where the fire lord punished him for some grievous but unstated offense.

zuko “daddy issues” fire nation sees his husband to be and, despite being scared shitless, immediately begins to soften a little. like... he’s not nearly as scary as he thought he’d be. his face can be stern, but it just as easily breaks into huge smiles, and his eyes are crinkled with laughter. he’s incredibly handsome. and his biceps are. his biceps. are. his hands are...

like. zuko thinks. okay. maybe. maybe his marriage duties. won’t be so horrible as he thought. maybe he’s ready for this. and he knows what to expect, Uncle had discreetly provided him the means and the contacts to acquire an intimate education in the whirlwind of activity that was the two months before leaving. and like, once he’d gotten past the nerves, it was often even... good? or at least... not bad? he thinks that even if hakoda isn’t a professional expert, he has a certain.... je ne sais quoi, if you will.

((DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF))

sokka sees his new stepfather and immediately falls in love because he’s that kind of dumb bitch. (the core of this au is that i cant breathe thinking about sokka falling in love with his hot young stepmom his age who his dad doesnt even want to fuck. like. i CANT. sokka masturbates to ‘hand caught in the washing tub�� fantasies which are even more absurd for requiring zuko to be DOING LAUNDRY. i find it so funny.)

bato watches them at the wedding feast while hakoda is very clearly trying to treat zuko as an Equal Adult Partner and mostly managing to seem like someone having a serious conversation with a seven year old about the game they’ve made up. zuko is clearly enamored with it, soaking up the attention, blushing and doing his best to Bravely Flirt, which at one point includes awkwardly attempting to feed Hakoda by hand. bato has to excuse himself to have a teary eyed giggle, hoping that Kya is in the spirit world looking down and laughing with him. he can’t resent the kid even a little bit, when hakoda is sitting there looking so incredibly fucking befuddled as to what he’s supposed to do with this star struck infant he’s legally wed to

anyways all of this... is very funny. their wedding night... is less so. zuko does not take the rejection from hakoda very well, especially because he’d been caught wanting. HE’S the one who should be rejecting hakoda. and he catastrophizes almost immediately about his potential value to the water tribe, his future treatment, that endless inescapable freezing cold loneliness is the good ending for him here... hakoda, meanwhile, drops zuko off at his home, reassuringly informs him that there’s NOTHING else expected of him and he will be well taken care of, and books it to bato’s. bato refuses to let him in on grounds of ‘you can’t sleep under the same shelter as me on your wedding night to that kid, have a fucking brain’, and he ends up crashing at sokka’s.

sokka, who had KNOWN that his dad wouldnt, but also upon seeing zuko and zuko’s awkward flirting was like... but how COULDNT he???? sokka is relieved.

the core of this fic is that i find it endlessly hilarious for zuko to try and seduce his husband while sokka simps around zuko and bato tries to be heartbroken or betrayed but mostly ends up with a giant case of hysterical schadenfreude. but the thing that CLINCHED it for me, like THE scene. several years after being married, settled into their life. they’re partners and they see each other as people. and zuko just fucking snaps one night

he just kisses him, desperate and clawing and climbing and maybe a little drunk. he knows hakoda is going to push him away, maybe even hit him, but he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care. he can do anything he wants to him as long as he just-- finally does something. zuko is 21 and married to the surface of the sun and the surface of the sun jr is his best friend and clearly in love with him-- so clearly not even zuko can miss it-- and like. listen. listen. zuko is not a patient person. but he’s been patient for this. he waited and he matured and he is a fucking amazing husband and he wants this, he wants him. he wants to be wanted.

but hakoda doesn’t push him away. hakoda doesnt yell at him, or hit him. hakoda gentles the kiss into something soft and closed lipped. he pulls away slowly, and his eyes are so sad for zuko, so pitying. he strokes his cheek with the back of his hand so gently. he says, I’m sorry. I don’t want you.

and zuko daddy issues fire nation swallows

and he nods

and he leaves, even though its his own fucking house

and he knows he’s never going to be good enough

like FUUUCK i am OBSESSED WITH THAT

[3pirouette]

Sorry for the spam! (Now that Im more awake and focus I can think lol)

Steggy:

Mortal/Goddess AU

Food Critic/Chef AU

Mermaid AU

Guardian Angel AU

Not spam. I LOVE it.

Mortal/Goddes AU Steggy: Steve is the mortal on a Quest, Peggy is the Goddess who takes pity on him and protects him from the other gods. Bonus points if Thor shows up.

10/10 could not write this. I have such traumatic memories of the Greek Mythology unit in High School English...

Food Critic/Chef AU: Peggy is a gourmet chef. Steve, who started a blog about how BAD the food he ate as an ill child was is an unwittingly internet famous food critic. They start interacting via social Media where Peggy starts reinventing the meals he's talking about. Their followers ship them, but they live in two different countries.

You know, I know NOTHING about cooking, but this is intriguing. I might put this in my back pocket for now... SHHHH yes I know I have many, many WIPs...

Mermaid AU: Variation 1: Project Rebirth goes horribly awry, and Steve can't survive for more than a few hours without being submerged in electrolyte rich water. His body adapts with the help of the serum until he can nearly live all of his time under water, until he meets Agent Carter purely by accident.

Variation 2: Peggy is a mermaid, a mythical creature that Schmidt set out to find because they're supposed to hold the secrets to the magic of the universe. Steve, as Captain America, is sent to find and confiscate whatever "power" it's rumored that Schmidt has. When he realizes it's a beautiful, scared Mermaid, he changes his mission to get her back to her home instead of the US Army.

10/10 would not attempt. Even though I kinda really like these ideas- they are SO UP FOR ADOPTION. I wrote a Mermaid AU in the Shenny Fandom once (Sheldon/Penny from the Big Bang Theory) and just the logistics of it and coming up with all the rules of when and how and what makes the mermaid human and not human and it was all so HARD. So no.

Guardian Angel AU: Oof. This would be sad. It would be Peggy, looking out for Steve in the future. Stepping in and doing things she wasn't supposed to do, and then being with him in his dreams until they were both so frustrated She'd try something stupid. And then it would be Sad. Not a Happy Ending.

10/10 nope. You made me SAD.

[skeletonmob]

The Pirate’s Fate - Severely Undercooked

The Pirate's Fate is a visual novel written by T.F. Wright and illustrated by Volkenfox. It's not very good. Well, I guess that gives the wrong impression. It's not completely horrible and it's not the worst visual novel I've ever played, it's just . . . a hot mess. Visual novels are primarily story based, usually with player choices leading to branching narratives and the occasional minigame thrown in. As such, writing is extremely crucial for a visual novel, and the story of The Pirate's Fate is severely undercooked.

I bought it on a whim about a year ago, intrigued by the premise. I played it a handful of times then, and a handful of times more recently to refresh my memory. The premise is, in a world of anthropormophic animals, a spice merchant by the name of Mila is rescued by the Dread Pirates, consisting of Darious, Leeko, Morgana, and later Tam-Tam, after her ship sinks. The group then rope her into their quest to find a series of enchanted coins, which have the ability to transform a person into whatever they wish.

(using images off google because I forgot to take my own)

This is a really interesting premise for a story, and one that's very suited to the branching narrative of a visual novel. The problem, however, is that this is used less to flesh out a fictional world, or put our characters in intriguing scenarios, and more so used to show of the creator's barely disguised fetish. The story's too excited to turn Mila into hulking amazon warrior or give Tam-Tam tits the size of Mt. Everest, that many of it's more interesting ideas aren't given room to breath.

To give you a better idea, during the intro, you find a coin inside a griffon's cave. Afterwards the primary antagonist, Rourkie, holds you hostage and demands you hand over the coin. You have a set of three options to choose from, and from there the story branches out. I chose the second option, which I believe was to feign compliance and then attack. My playthrough then went as follows, Morgana died, we recruited Tam-Tam, visited Circe's island, visited a beauty temple, visited haunted house isle, had an audience with the queen, met someone named Steamchaser, visited a matchmakers shop, and finally the story ended in a mysterious library. I stopped early because I realized I was about to get an ending I saw before, so my total run time was about and hour and 37 minutes. Excluding the intro, all proceeding scenes last about 11 minutes, and with the amount of stuff that happens, that's not enough to flesh anything out.

In this route, Darious feels guilty about Morgana's death. Circe then manipulates that guilt and transforms him into a bear. That alone could carry an entire story, it's a strong if tropey character arc. But after he transforms, he has a heart to heart with Mila, and that's it. All of Darious' guilt vanishes in that one scene, and then he gets possesed by a ghost later on in order to keep the plot going. A similar thing happens on other story branches as well. In one of them, Tam-Tam is transformed from a female lizard into a male rabbit, and she's just kind of cool with it. She still identifies as female, and the conversation in the scene afterward posits her views on gender and identity, and that's it. The rest of her crewmates are totally okay with this development after this one conversation, and nobody reflects on their own gender identity beyond this.

In other branches, you find a coin that allows you to go back in time and change the past. When Darious gets possessed by the ghost, you have the option to go back in time to try and prevent this from happening. If you do, Darious ends up dying instead of Morgana, who's declared herself captain. There's a scene between Morgana and Mila discussing what happened, and that's it. Morgana isn't freaked out that her crewmates come from an alternate timeline. Nobody finds this weird. Nobody wonders what happened to the original crew she had, because she clearly wasn't sailing alone. Nobody posits about what they would've done if they were using the coin. It's just 'wow! time travel exists!' and the story moves on. Again, just like with Darious' potential character arc, this could carry the entire story. There's already a shitload of movies, books, and games based around time travel, but here it's just a plot device.

The world building also suffers from this as well. New settings and characters are introduced and then hastily thrown aside to continue the story. At the beauty temple, we get a lore dump about how the religion of the island is centered around beauty and physical appearances, but we never look beyond that. We never get to look at the surrounding town or talk to anyone else except the two characters that give us the lore dump.

In one route, Leeko gets transformed into the world greatest baker, and the rest of the gang concoct a plan to use him to gain access to the queen's coins. He'll be hired as the head baker, then after gaining her trust, then the gang will kidnap her and hold her for ransom. Aside from being a stupid plan (why couldn't you sneak in and steal the coins while the queen was distracted?), we don't see Leeko meeting the queen or gaining her trust, it just skips right over to her being held for ransom. There's also multiple times where character's say things along the lines of 'We've been searching for these coins for months'. Like, no, it's been five minutes, and skipping scenes like these only make that worse.

The other major gripe I have is that characters die for no reason. In one route, Mila, Tam-Tam, and Morgana have been captured by the queen and are going to be executed. While it's not shown, Leeko is meeting up with Steamchaser, and he agrees to use his magic to help Leeko out. A similar scenario happens on multiple routes, and no matter what, Tam-Tam is executed. Why, though? Like, in this moment, it would make sense for someone to die, but from a big picture perspective, was it really necessary? I can't think of a reason why she needed to die, other than dramatic stakes, and I don't think the story would suffer if she didn't. Also, Steamchaser uses his magic like a minute after Tam-Tam is carried off, could Morgana and Mila not have stalled for time?

Again, this isn't the worst I've seen. The main cast is great, the banter Morgana and Tam-Tam give are some of my favorites. The music is good and so is the voice acting. It's interesting to see the story branch out and wonder what ending you'll get. It's interesting to see what the characters transform into. But none of this excuses the fact that the story consistently fails to properly set anything up or follow through on it.

[fandumbstuff]

The DC Extended Universe, Ranked Best to Worst.

1. Wonder Woman Directed by Patty Jenkins

Wonder Woman might be the only good movie that DC has made. Patty Jenkins really hits the nail on the head and perfectly captures the voice of the character. For a character so old and so iconic, there are many versions of Diana’s story, but Patty Jenkins really manages to deliver a definitive version. Gal Gadot, like Christopher Reeve or Chadwick Boseman before her, is perfectly cast in a role that is so much more than just a movie character. Diana is as strong as she is compassionate. The character flaws she needs to overcome is her own naivete, rather than the misguided angst so many of DC’s other characters grapple with. While other action sequences in the franchise have been overly cluttered, Wonder Woman’s cinematography offers some of the slickest, most iconic action scenes in the genre. It’s an altogether incredible achievement and a milestone for cinema in general.

2. Wonder Woman 1984 Directed by Patty Jenkins

The greatest fault I could find with this movie is that it didn’t lean into the 80s setting more. It does tread the line of a rather schmaltzy central plot, but solid performances from cast members like Pedro Pascal make it believable. It’s an absolute joy to see Gadot and Pine return to their roles, and an even greater joy to see ther choice of outfits for every scene. Solid. While Kristen Wiig is expectedly brilliant like with everything she does, she’s handling a character arc that seems derivative and outdated. Like it’s predecessor, WW84 showcases some pretty stellar action sequences, with Jenkins once again showing a knowing eye for big, impressive set pieces paired with frenetically paced fight sequences.

3. Aquaman Directed by James Wan

After the convoluted mess of ensemble films like Suicide Squad and Justice League, and even some of Marvel’s recent fare, it was refreshing to see a more traditional origin story. This was ultimately what drew my interest to superheroes in general, and while this film doesn’t have the same elegance of a Superman (1978) or Batman Begins, it’s an origin story that modern audiences can sign on for easily. It’s strongest scenes are in the lore-expanding quest that Arthur and Mera go on, simultaneoulsy a National Treasure-esque adventure and a showcase for solid chemistry between Jason Momoa and Amber Heard. And while Ocean Master does seem like an exaggerated villain at times, It’s Patrick Wilson’s solid performance that manages to sell it and make him arguably the best villain DC’s had.

4. Shazam! Directed by David F. Sandberg

Obviously, an inordinate amount of fun. Shazam doesn’t try and be something it’s not. Ultimately, more than any other superhero film, Shazam understands that this genre was always intended for children. And while at times the plot might seem thin or the conflict inconsequential, Shazam never loses sight of it’s heart. A capable cast of child actors make this believable, and subverting the genre tropes makes the film charming and witty. While it seems overly simplistic in terms of it’s storytelling, in DC’s world of confusing plots, this is a welcome change.

5. Man of Steel Directed by Zack Snyder

Perhaps the strangest portrayal of Superman to date, Zack Snyder honed in on the mythos of the character and what makes him “super” Unfortunately, it seems to completely ignore what makes him a “man”. We’re left with a wholly alien representation of the character- a gross misunderstanding of who Superman is supposed to be. Horrible character choices for both Jor-El and Jonathan Kent leave Clark a shell of the hero he’s supposed to be. We’re left with a character more willing to grapple with moral dilemmas and his own inner angst than actually step up and do the right thing. Henry Cavill has an undeniably affective presence, and he certainly feels right for the role, but he’s never given a chance to actually play the part. Aesthetically pleasing to look at, and generally quite entertaining, it’s unfortunately the way Man of Steel fails its character that makes it so unbearable.

6. Birds of Prey (And the rest of the title) Directed by Cathy Yan

I mean, this is basically just a Harley Quinn movie with some other random characters thrown in. Considering Margot Robbie wrote the film, I find it particularly bothersome that the most work she does for character development is for her own character. We see brief intriguing glimpses of some of the other Birds and unfortunately never get more than a taste. Some of the fight scenes are handling quite capably, trading in the more grittier feel of the standard DC fare for more amusing prop and set work. However, much like Suicide Squad before it, I feel like the movie suffers from “soundtrack vomit”-  a post Guardians of the Galaxy symptom in which a movie tries to assemble catchy songs and them slot them into the edit with no real motivation. 

7. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Directed by Zack Snyder

An absolute misfire from DC in a sad attempt to make themselves relevant amidst Marvel’s runaway success. A focal point in the movie is the collateral damage caused by Superman in Man of Steel. And apparently the best way for the movie to deliberate on this is by exhibiting even more collateral damage. Showcasing the conflict between these two iconic characters seems like a good idea on paper, and it’s certainly been captivating in past comics. But the movie seems to devolve it into nothing more than a bar fight between two dumb jocks. We see Batman get cyber bullied by Lex Luthor, and Superman get coerced by a stupid plot hole. Then they beat each other up like idiots. A movie that spawned a thousand jokes, it’s really only worth watching to make fun of.

8. Joker Directed by Todd Philips

Apparently, this movie isn’t supposed to be counted as part of DC’s Film Universe. But I couldn’t resist the opportunity to remind you what a steaming pile of garbage it is. It would be inaccurate to even call this a movie. It’s really just a desperate actor trying to win an Oscar from an Academy that continues to be woefully out of touch. And an even more pathetic attempt by a incel director to stay relevant. The talented work from it’s cinematographer and composer force me to show some restraint from putting it at the bottom of this list, but rest assured- while there might be films I put below this, there are none I hate more. 

9.  Justice League  Directed by Zack Snyder(?)

Painful to watch, I went into this movie with the lowest of expectations, and they were somehow not met at all. It feels altogether rushed, poorly constrcuted and boring all at the same time. They forego any need for world building and instead toss us headfirst into a horribly convoluted storyline. They rush through an origin for Cyborg and introduce Aquaman like he’s the douchebag you never invited who shows up to your houseparty. Batman over-compensates for his eye-rolling seriousness in the last movie by being overly witty in this one. And they solve Superman’s death by having a hilarious grave robbing scene that I guess is supposed to be funny but is so ridiculous to watch that it felt more at place in an Adam Sandler movie. And to top it all off, the movie in general is one big eyesore. It’s honestly painful to watch the shoddy CGI that constitutes the main antagonist and the waves of enemies we watch the JL plow through. And while the opening scene I think is supposed to be a last ditch effort for them to make Superman relevant, it would be promising if I could look past his god awful CGI lip.

10. Suicide Squad  Directed by David Ayer

A hilarious comedy where the characters don’t actually have any dialogue and instead just speak in one-liners. A touching romantic drama where the Joker abuses Harley Quinn. A moving character study where Deadshot just wants to be a better father by killing Batman. A thrilling action movie where we hope the heroes can overcome Cara Delevigne’s dumb dancing and blow up the generic pillar of doom she’s summoned in the middle of Gotham. Suicide Squad is all of these things and more- so there’s my rousing endorsement.

[tonitheloftwing]

UnShelled: The Freak The Mighty And Unwind Crossover No One Asked For

The image had stayed in Max’s head for ages. The image of Kevin, spraying chili powder into his father and captor’s eyes, sending him back to jail where he belonged. If this new law passed, there could be the possibility that his father could be unwound and shelled. Killer Kane, Killer Kane, a parts pirate soon to have no brain. He hadn’t known what shelling was originally, when he’d first heard of it on the news, so he’d asked Grim. 

“Shelling’s a horrible thing. They unwind you and then throw out the brain. You’re not alive in a divided state if they shell you, I sure think,” Grim declared.

 “Of course you’re not alive without a brain,” Max said. “No different than being a zombie then.” Even though Max was pretty sure he had no brain- he was a massive butthead. He wondered- would he want shelling to be his father’s fate, or was it too cruel? Better than the death penalty. At least his stupid body would be helping somebody. 

“I heard the only type that shell is that foreign unwinding place,” Gram said with a shake of her hand. “What do they call it… The Zah Dey?”

“It’s the Dah Zey,” Grim corrected. “Something for flesh market.”

“Kevin said it’s Burmese,” Max interrupted. Kevin had… a very strong stance on unwinding. 

“How unchivalrous! It’s a horrible practice, and should never be performed on anyone nor supported,” he claimed. “I know they can’t unwind me because I’m ‘unclean’. Well, I’ll show them unclean! I’ll protest against unwinding until this nonsense stops!” 

Max had always admired his friend’s courage and way to speak his mind. He admired that he even had a mind, something Max always felt that he had lacked. Freak was his mind; together, they were Freak The Mighty, nine feet tall and with the biggest brain you’d ever seen. Even separate, they were a menace. Freak had led to the arrest of a notorious parts pirate, and Max had passed the eighth grade! They were unstoppable! 

Max thought about unwinding a lot. No doubt if he’d been adopted out instead of taken in by Grim and Gram he’d be a pile of organs by now- a big pile of organs. He was probably worth a lot on the black market, an extremely tall, boeuf 13 year old, the prime age for unwinding. Maybe his dad would have raised him a tithe if he “found the light” earlier. Max chuckled at that. The thought of him, a tithe! He’d probably be the biggest tithe of all time. Maybe they could put him in Ginny’s World Record book or whatever it was called. 

Max also thought about parts pirateering. When your father was someone who was so cruel to send his own wife off to be unwound by the Burmese Dah Zey, you had to. Iggy and Loretta were still tied up in that business, and Max vowed to stay away from them for that very reason. Even if Loretta had saved his life once. Maybe she was just eyeing up his parts. She always acted like she was, anyways. 

One day, Kevin declared that he had a quest. “We must go to where I am to receive my robot body! To the Medical Research Center, noble steed!” 

And so Freak hopped up on Max’s shoulders and they became Freak The Mighty once again as Max galloped off into the sunrise with the smaller boy on his back. This was Max’s favorite thing in the world; the wind blowing through his hair, Kevin on his shoulders, off on a wild quest to who knows where. He loved Kevin, Freak, whoever the hell he was, he knew he did. He wasn’t sure what that love meant or what kind of love it was, but it was there. His butthead was too stupid to figure out what it was. The only way would be to ask Freak, and then he’d know that Max was a butthead too stupid to understand love, and then where would they be? But Kevin never treated Max like a butthead. He seemed to be the one person in his life who understood that even if he was one, there was no need to treat him like one. Teach the big goon to read and write, eek eek. Then call him a noble steed. 

“The castle looks just fabulously ravishing today, doesn’t it?” Freak said from atop his steed. 

“Ravishing? Hungry?”

“No, that’s famished. Ravishing means beautiful, alluring, bewitching…”

“So all the things your mom is?” Kevin smacked Max with one of his crutches. “The noble steed will not make comments about his rider’s mother.” Max untied one of Kevin’s shoes playfully, a game they always played together. Kevin always pretended it ticked him off, but Max knew it didn’t. Then when he got off of him, Max would tie his shoe back up. Kevin was originally surprised he could even tie a shoe. 

“So, when are you getting your robot body?” Max asked curiously.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m really nervous for you,” Max admitted. “I mean, you’re getting a bionic body. That’s pretty freaky.”

Kevin sighed. “Max, it’s time you know. There is no robot body. It’s just as fictional as Arthurian legend. I came up with it to help myself cope with the inevitable, the inevitable being my soon but sure demise. It’s called manifestation. If I lie to myself enough, it becomes true to me.”

Max didn’t understand most of what Freak had said, but seeing the tears in his eyes told him most of what he needed to know. “You’re… going to die?” Kevin nodded. “My organs are just getting too big for my body, and since I refuse unwound organs, I’m not going to last long.”

“Why don’t you just take them?” Max asked, trying to plead with him. “The kids got unwound anyways.”

“Do you know how hard it’d be to find organs small enough for my body?” Kevin asked. “They’d need to unwind a three year old. And they’d have to make it so the organs couldn’t grow either,” he explained. “It’d be far too complicated. And possibly illegal.”

“But you can’t die!” Max exclaimed. “Without you, I’m just… The Mighty. I need my Freak.”

“That which comes cannot be avoided,” Kevin said seriously. 

But Max would find a way to stop it. He knew he could.

First, he needed money. Lots of it. But where does one get lots of money? He swore to never be a criminal, but that might be the only way. Kevin would have called what he was doing a quest of the unnoble variety, but he needed the money. Enough money to bribe someone who probably had all the money in the world. 

So, he ransacked all the abandoned houses in town he could find. Eventually he’d stolen one, two thousand dollars? He’d been able to find a diamond necklace he’d been able to pawn off, and he had his cash. Now, time to go to the people he’d needed.  

“Loretta? Loretta, you in there?” Max asked, banging on the door. Eventually, the woman with the fake eyelashes and droopy lips greeted Max tiredly. 

“What do you want, kid?” She asked. “No, I’m not lending you money.”

“Oh, I’m not asking for money,” he said with a smirk. “Quite the opposite. You’re going to become very rich.”

“So, let me get this straight…” Loretta thought, long and hard. “You’re going to pay us to take you to the Dah Zey?”

“Well, not quite. The money is to bribe the higher ups into letting me do what I want. But yes, I’m submitting myself to you as an AWOL. No one has to know, and the Dah Zey will still pay you.”

“Well, your plan’s crazy, but you got a deal, kid,” 

Soon enough, he was on a plane to Burma, going to be unwound… maybe. He could admit he was scared out of his shorts, but this was something he needed to do, or else innocent lives would be over. He must do this.

Loretta and Iggy wouldn’t be making this journey with him, as they claimed that they were too small in the parts pirateering business to meet the owners of the harvest camps themselves. According to them, they didn’t even know what happened at the harvest camps, at least no more than anyone else knew. It had recently come out that the Dah Zey experimented on children, when the doctor had publicly made an appearance with his chimpanzee-footed assistant. Max had bigger dreams than being put on postcards, but he had a similar goal to Mr. Chimpanzee. To become an experiment of the doctor’s.

When Max arrived at the Dah Zey, they threw him in a cell, by himself. “Volunteers get special permission. You don’t go with others.”

Max wasn’t bothered by the man’s poor English; he was just anxious to meet the doctor. Only then did he realize how miserable the existence of the prisoners at Dah Zey were. 

Despite being a volunteer, Max was given very little food or water, and only a bucket to eliminate himself in. For entertainment, he was given a crappy old TV with only movies buttheads would ever want to watch, and especially enjoy. But he put them on anyways, because he was a butthead. I mean, what kind of butthead would turn themselves into parts pirates for a friend?

Apparently an impressive butthead, as later Max received a private audience with the doctor. 

“My name is Doctor Rodín,” he said, sitting down. “And you purposefully… volunteered yourself for experimentation?” 

“Yes, although you’re only allowed to experiment on me if you do exactly what I want and as I say.” 

The doctor snorted. “And why should I?”

“Because.” Max took out wads and wads of cash from his pockets. “I’ll make you very rich indeed.”

“Boy, I see more than that in a day,” he said, and Max couldn’t tell if he was bluffing or not. “But I love to meet someone with my same interest in human experimentation. So, pitch your idea to me.”

“Imagine,” Max started. “A nine foot tall giant, with a brain just as big to match. He’s super smart, like, super duper smart. He could probably invent world peace or something. Or something that’d make somebody rich.”

“I’ve already done experiments for giants,” he scoffed. “They went poorly, though. The person survived, but they’re completely bedridden. I’ll have to come up with another way than stacking spinal columns.”

“Sir, I’m already 7 feet tall, and I’m only 14. Imagine how much taller I’ll be when I’m older. Or you could give me, let’s say, a two foot spinal column addition.”

The doctor looked intrigued. “So, what exactly are you proposing?”

“I have a friend who’s a supergenius, but he’s going to die soon, his organs grow but his body doesn’t. So, why don’t you shell him…” “And then shell you…”

“And then put Kevin’s brain inside my body. Oh, yeah, Kevin’s the supergenius. And, we’ll be normal enough that we can pass as a normal person, someone who could maybe publicize your experiments as not cruel, but rather innovating.” Saying all these things made Max sick, but it had to be done to save Kevin’s life. 

“I see. And what shall we call you?”

“Freak the Mighty.”

“I like that.”

Kevin woke up one day, no memory of what had happened to him or where he was. 

That was when he noticed how big he felt. His hands felt heavier, his feet reached further down in the bed than they ever had before, and when he sat up, he felt two tons of extra weight. Well, not two tons, but that was what hyperboles were for. 

He wasn’t himself. This wasn’t his body. He was Max. 

He noticed a doctor looking down on him curiously. “Hello, Freak The Mighty.”

[hedgefairy]

Eeeey, we haven't had another episode of Bridgerton recaps in a while! But here we are, it's

Bridgerton, Episode 5

(if you missed the rest, the tag is #Bridgerbore)

Okay, so I dig the whole muddy hem business (short reminder, we were at this duel thing last time, and Daphne was very much a dramatic Regency heroine, throwing herself into the fire and everything), but I'm really not sure about her undies.

Lady B has a hangover, which is hilarious, and Daphne comes in like "I'm engaged", to Dukey, of course, they all annoy me so much. Cue Lady B fanning herself, and then Daphne goes on about how they want to marry NOW, because THE KISS and it would be such a scandal if that ever came out? I don't think society would mind if you stayed engaged for a while longer, I don't think anyone cares, you self-obsessed brat. Mummy thinks they had steaming hot intercourse and that's why they want to marry ASAP, and apparently that's the best hangover cure that there ist. (I'm not a fan, hangover Lady B was more sufferable than the usual version.)

The queen wears bright red gems with pink silk and it does not look fly at all.

The blue dress Daphne's wearing is pretty for once.

Her rival (CRESSIDAAAAA) and her mother smirk at each other in a carriage because they are scheming, and evil, and we can see that because they are dressed flamboyantly and have complex hairstyles. Also, Cress saw D&D kiss and now they can destroy her or something.

Oh poor Freddie Baby, he's just the cutest but he's about to take his leave because Daphne was the only girl he liked, like, ever, because she's such a diamond of the purest water, adieu, sweet prince.

Everybody keeps promenading without coats or spencers and I'm all "noooo", because it just looks so wrong. Someone give Daphne a stole or a cardigan, it's doesn't even seem particularly warm outside. Her hat also sucks (is that a fascinator? I demand bonnets!), but at least it's not the stupid Wendy bow, so I guess that's progress?

Lord B gets slammed in the face with the door by the dressmaker because Opera Girl up and left. See, Lord B, that's because you're a little bitch and she's done with your shit.

Ducktail Colin visits Cousin, and Penny desperately tries to cockblock him. It's somewhat painful to see, but also strangely realistic (I guess that's why it's painful).

Uuuh, we get a kitchen scene in preparation for the wedding! I love it. Also, the servants are annoyed by all of this, just like me. I hereby petition to replace at least 75% of the D&D (hell, make it all Bridgertons) appearances by Regency food porn.

At the dressmaker's workshop Cressida (who I still think is prettier than Daphne) bitches about and Daphne bitches back, why is no-one wearing bonnets?

The next Whistledown issue is out as Freddie takes his final bow just to leave me heartbroken because he genuinely didn't suck. The Queen bitches, what else is new.

The Archbishop says the early wedding is a no-no, and I still suspect that it's a general case of making things more dramatic than they have to be. Oh, turns out it's the Queen who's the spanner in the works because she didn't get enough attention lately.

Back to the Bohemian party! Yay! It's a fucking bacchanal and I love it. French dressmaker lady is there, too, cut to her and Middle Bridgerbro having a heated make-out session. Aaand the host is at least bi – they find out by barging in on him and his lover during what I guess is the quest for an unoccupied bedroom. Threesome time!! (Her stays are more than questionable, though)

Dukey is completely drunk in the gutter because they kicked him out of the pub. I approve. Not sure of what of the above, probably all.

Cousin plots to seduce Ducktail Colin so she can get him into marrying her. Lady F is in, but Penny eavesdrops (heartbrokenly).

Whoooo, it's George III! Him and Charlotte discuss the Regent but sadly George IV still does not feature. Another child (Amelia) is discussed – never mind that the historical George III and Charlotte had no less than fifteen children – but apparently she's dead (the historical Amelia died age 27 and it distressed George greatly, but here it is delivered as if she was just an infant.). Oh, look, George is bonkers and thinks the Queen killed her. Nice one, Netflix, treating his illness like this and then completely glossing over it again.

Daphne, please stop tossing and turning and sighing, get yourself off, it works wonders. But no, instead she goes to her lady's maid and gets a pep talk about how she can still be happy without offspring.

Cut to Dukey waking up in Boxing Bro's place.

People I'd rather have a series about. A non-exhaustive list by me.

Penny and Eloise

Eloise

Benedict & The Bohemians (could also be a good band name)

Prince Freddie

Boxing Bro and his family

Opera Girl & The French Dressmaker

Cressida the Rival Bitch

The Servants

Dukey's exploits at college

Daphne's dress at her audience is so horribly ill-fitting.

How can Dukey be a rake if he doesn't even like flirting? It it pheromones? Do the ladies simply fall over when he walks by? The heck? Someone explain! His appeal to the Queen, however, is really lovely, no shade.

The wedding is LAUGHABLY small. Nobody would ever get through with this. You can't tell me they couldn't fill a small chapel like that, at least with some staff. It is supposed to be "intimate", because you guys are Regency nobility and this will not stand. Good God, Daphne, he's putting a ring on your finger, not his body parts inside of you.

However, the reception is huge. This does not make sense, except from a very American modern standpoint. I'm here for the food porn, though.

At the party Cressida bitches about and Penny (again, desperately) tries to hook up Cousin with anyone but Ducktail Colin. Eloise is still trying to figure out who Gossip Girl really is.

Cousin Wears-Curtains-Again tries to seduce Ducktail Colin in the study, alas, he's too honourable, but wants to marry her nevertheless, but he wants to wait. She can't wait, though, because of the pregnancy thing, oh no!

The Queen is at the reception, too. You can't tell me that the woman who tried to intervene with the getting wed thing as a whole because she didn't get enough attention is okay with being at the reception and not the church? 'scuse me? What is a characterisation, even.

Turns out Lady Danbury (remember, Dukey's awesome fairy godmother) isn't Whistledown, but the Queen is intrigued by Eloise's investigations. Also, Middle Bridgerbro had a threesome with not only the Dressmaker but also his (hopefully bi, because representation, probably gay because cliché) host's wife. Awkward to meet her again on your sister's wedding day.

Daphne gets THE TALK from Lady B, whose boobs are glorious in this scene, but honestly, couldn't you have done that on any other day?

I cannot bear to watch this while I'm eating.

Is Daphne going to wear her hair up now that she's married, at least?

Sappy goodbyes ensue as Dukey and Daphney go off to their honeymoon. Her cloak looks like a bedsheet.

How is this episode not over yet?

Oh no, they'll spend their wedding night at and inn rather than at a palace. Awkward silence ensues on the ride there, but the landscape and the inn are pretty.

Man, that centre part and those bangs look so. Bad.

They have separate bedrooms, which is a bit weird but so is this whole inn business. *shrugs * Daphne paces in hers, Dukey in his, and this writer is reminded of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Drama. Ugh. Communication is key.

Here we go with the make-up sex, though, and here we also go with the soft porn my best friend already warned me ab... no fucking shift! Are these stays laced with satin ribbon?

Oh look, it's Dukey topless again. Daphne's face just annoys me to no end. I'm so sorry because she really can't do anything about it, she was born with it, but it annoys me.

Uh, Dukey butt! I have the sudden urge to burst into "First Penis" from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. They really made a song for every occasion.

Dukey, couldn't you have started with your hands? What is a foreplay? "Hey, girl, remember when I told you to get yourself off? This is basically the same!" *inserts genitals * It's fairly tastefully shot soft porn, though.

I don't think she came. How about oral now?

God, we made it into the second half of this series.

Give me strength.

This concludes Episode 5.

To Be Continued

(maybe with female orgasms?)

[thetypedwriter]

Black Wings Beating Book Review

Black Wings Beating Book Review by Alex London 

Do you ever have to go to a work/school/mandatory meeting and then think to yourself an hour later...wow, that could have been summed up in an email?

Black Wings Beating by Alex London kind of felt like that to me. 

Black Wings Beating is a series that surrounds twin siblings, Brysen and Kylee, and the ornithological world that they live in. Ornithology, in case you don’t know, is the zoological study of birds. 

This book has so many birds. 

My god. The birds. 

And bird references, allusions, metaphors, and expressions. I didn’t even know that many bird-like turn-of-phrases existed until this book and now I am painfully aware. 

But these siblings live in a world that is dominated by the presence of birds, the training of birds, the selling and buying of birds, and the companionship of birds. Even the legends, myths, culture, civilization, and religion surround freaking birds. 

It didn’t bother me too much at the beginning, and all the little facets you learn about falconry and bird species was intriguing at first, but it was something that very quickly outgrew its welcome for me. 

In this world, Brysen wants to be a great bird-handler hero by catching the legendary Ghost Eagle, a feat that many have attempted and all have failed.

His sister simply just wants to live her life in peace and harmony while ignoring the special language deep inside of her that allows her to command birds (a gift that is largely ignored and mistrusted by her, but revered by everyone else who knows about it). 

Neither of them get what they want, as Brysen idiotically offers to go on a hunt to fetch the Ghost Eagle himself (without help, foresight, or experience) all in the name of love for a guy who obviously doesn’t give a shit about him, and Kylee, being the kind, good-natured sister that she is, follows him into this idiotic quest despite her obvious misgivings about it. 

This is then followed by another character named Nyall who then follows after her as he loves her and bam, you’ve got three teenagers up in the mountains attempting to catch a mythological bird creature that no one has even been able to catch before. 

That’s pretty much the book. 

You’ve got some confusing miscellaneous stuff thrown in there as well, like the leader of the Kartami-a new group that despises birds and believes in slaughtering all of them and the people that have anything to do with birds-which is um, everyone? 

So basically, a terrorist group out there to kill the whole world. 

You’ve got the Council of Forty, which is some government that doesn’t really make sense in some far-off place, you’ve got some random Kyrgs that don’t seem to accomplish much, and then you’ve got the ghostly Owl Mothers and their coven boys who also are somehow entangled with the political nonsense of the Council of Forty wanting the Ghost Eagle and that’s really about it. 

So. Why did this book feel like a two-hour long meeting when it could have been a succinct email?

Because nothing really happens. It does, but not really when you get into the meat and potatoes of it. 

The whole book is the trio climbing the mountains, facing off against the Owl Mothers, getting the Ghost Eagle, miraculously getting back in like three pages compared to the three-hundred it took to get them there, and then a sporadic and puzzling fight at the end for who gets to control the Ghost Eagle and how its powers could be utilized the best. 

This book was just...odd in terms of how it decided its pacing and its logic. 

I’ll start by saying that this isn’t a bad book and I did enjoy portions and aspects of the world that London created. However, I also was heartily annoyed by several of the things that occurred. 

The highlights of this book are definitely it’s world building, entertainment value, and relatively mindless experience. This isn’t a hard book to read and it comes across as a juicy novel with action and adventure if that’s what you’re looking for, especially if you adore birds. 

Now onto the laundry list of items that aggravated me. 

The birds were too much. It’s like they asked London to come back with a sprout and he brought back a forest. I would have enjoyed the world of Uztar and all its intricacies if the bird analogies and references weren’t shoved down my throat every other sentence in the most ludicrous of ways, most non sensibly being the dialogue. Aka, referring to others as fledgelings and eyas’ made me want to hurl every time it was used. 

The POV of this book swapped back and forth between Kylee and Brysen, and originally, I thought I’d favor Brysen as he was the cool gray-haired eager eyed rascal that runs off to fight for what he believes in, but Brysen was easily the most irritating thing about this whole experience.

 He’s stupid, impulsive, selfish, naive, and just...kind of a jerk? Especially to his sister that literally does nothing else but try to protect him and love him. 

Now, for those of you who have read this book, you might be screaming at me. But his father beat him! He is the way he is because Kylee didn’t protect him as a child! His mother is useless! He’s had a horrible life. All of this is true. 

As London likes to remind you EVERY SINGLE PARAGRAPH, Brysen was abused heavily by his father and their father was a horrible, despicable man without a single redeeming bone in his body. 

Now, I obviously don’t condone abuse and the effects of child abuse are varied and complex, but in this case, I felt like London used it often and debilitatingly as a crux for Brysen just to be a bad character. Bysen does something you don’t like? It’s because of his abuse. Brysen is being dumb? Because of his abuse. Brysen not thinking things through again? Obviously because of the abuse. 

Now, I’m not trying to be callous here, but abuse, especially child abuse, has been done in YA literature before and done well. Meaning that the effects of the abuse are varied, nuanced, and not the whole sum of the character’s personality.

 A great example of this is basically any character from Nora Sakavic’s The Foxhole Court. All of the characters from that series are influenced by abuses they’ve suffered, but it isn’t the totality of who they are as human beings and it also isn’t brought up every goddamn second in order for it to be weighty and important. 

I understand that child abuse is a hugely sensitive and important factor. You don’t need to remind me every other sentence in order for it to be treated as such, which is unfortunately how it plays out in the novel. 

Kylee, on the other hand, I thought was the far superior twin. She also had a troubling childhood, but it didn’t define her and she also didn’t use it to justify her good or bad qualities. I would have preferred if the whole book had been from her POV with lovesick Nyall following after her in the mountains. 

Another important thing to mention is the anticlimactic sequence of them actually catching the Ghost Eagle. For a mythological bird that has killed hundreds and is supposedly impossible to catch and contain, Brysen, Kylee, Nyall and a coven boy are able to do it with literal ease. 

I think it was a five page fight before Brysen was strapping the humongous bird onto his back like a lumberjack and skipping on back to the village. It was disappointing to say the least. 

Lastly, there are just some things in this book that if you think too hard about, don’t make any sense. 

How can four teenagers catch the Ghost Eagle of legend with a few kicks and punches where hundreds of trained men have been unable to do it before? 

According to London, it’s because they have love and because they’re operating as a group. I’m sorry, you’re telling me that not a single group has attempted it before? Why not make a huge expedition party if that was the case? It makes no sense. 

Another example is the ending scene. Why can’t Brysen go with Kylee to the Sky Castle? Well, according to the Owl Mother it’s because Brysen is too important to Kylee and it affects her ability to use the Hollow Tongue too much. 

Translation: London doesn’t want them together in the sequel for a variety of reasons so he made up this bullshit excuse that doesn’t have any levity. 

Again, on the surface, it’s fine, but then if you think deeper about it, a lot of the book's choices and so-called logic collapse in on itself like a deck of cards which makes for a frustrating reading experience and personally unsure if I’ll pick up the sequel or not (probably not). 

Recommendation: If you are a bird-enthusiast, want to become a bird, or need something to alleviate your Angry Bird obsession that has still somehow not died down, this book will have you frothing at the mouth.

 For everyone else, this book is average at best. Not the worst story, but certainly not the best. If you want a quick adventure story, then go for it. If you want complexity, nuance, and not to hate birds whenever you see them, I’d fly clear (sorry couldn’t help it, I’m sure London would be proud even if I’m internally screaming). 

Score: 4.5/10

[avengersobsession]

SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER.

...

...

...

TROS.

Four weeks later. Anybody still care what I think?

Okay, anything I think needs to be tempered by this: I went in spoiled. For just about everything. Not intending to, but I saw the biggest spoiler accidentally (KR dies) and I couldn’t deal with any ambiguity on that one, so I hunted down every spoiler hint available to see if that was true. And I disliked almost everything I heard—Palpatine’s return, Rey Palpatine, Ben’s death, very little Rose. I was so, so, so prepared to hate everything (except the promise of Reylo and a Reylo kiss—take what we can get). I went into the theater thinking, “Ugh. Let’s get this over with.”

Fellow Reylos, I loved it. Maybe that was because I was spoiled? I maintain and will maintain that Palpatine’s return was dumb. I also maintain Palpatine lied. But my attitude to all the things I didn’t like was, “Well, if they were gonna do this...they did it as well as it could be done.”

Dumb: Palpatine’s return. Reality: Opening with Kylo Ren stalking across the system to confront the old geezer, cutting through everything in his path like a cold joyless bastard? Saying, “Fuck nosferatu here, imma go get Rey and overthrow this guy and rule the galaxy with her”? Ohhhh yeahhhhh.

Dumb: Retconning Leia as a Jedi at this late date. Reality: Leia being a Jedi Master, training Rey, having her own lightsaber? OHHHH YEAHHHH. I’ve been wanting Jedi Leia since Empire.

Dumb: Going after a MacGuffen as a main plot (again). Reality: A fast-paced multi-world quest featuring Rey/Finn/Poe with funny snarking (“You were a spice runner?” “You were a stormtrooper?” “Oh, we gonna do this now?”), Chewie as a true companion at risk, Lando’s return, Rey cooing over babies, Kylo showing up here and there through the force bond to freak out and interrogate Rey, funky hidden sand caverns, Rey healing scary space snakes...guys, this was all levels of OH YEAH for me. It was fun, it was exciting...it felt right for Star Wars, what can I say?

Dumb: Shafting Rose. Reality: ...there was so much going on already! You couldn’t fit any more people on the Falcon without it turning into...look, there’s a MST3K episode of the movie Lost Continent where the party of 6-7 prepares to head out on the expedition. “Are we ready?” “I’m good!” “Can’t wait to get out there.” “Yeah, let’s go.” And JoelandBots riff, “Everybody get a line?” That’s what it would have turned into. I wish there had been more time for her but I also recognize her major story arc was completed last movie. She was not treated disrespectfully here but there just wasn’t enough time. (Us MCU Hawkeye fans are all looking at Rose Tico fans saying, “what are you, new?”)

Dumb: Rey Palpatine. Reality: STILL DUMB. I’ll say more later.

Dumb: Hux: “I’m the spy.” Reality, still dumb, but his “I don’t care who wins, I just need Kylo Ren to lose,” is pure Kylux subtext. Bitter exes, so sexay.

Dumb: Ben dyi— okay, wait. Not dumb. A very real potential outcome for this story. Honestly, I never thought JJ Abrams meant Kylo to live after he became a patricide. I DIDN’T WANT THAT THOUGH. I wanted Reylo and Reylo wedding dress and Reylo babies on parents’ hips and gahhhhhhh. And yet? This is not a bad death if there had to be death. Unredeemed Kylo Ren = bad death. Stray blaster because sometimes people just die for no reason = bad death. Redeemed Ben who is tried and executed = bad death. But this is a narratively understandable death. Fuck, it would have been really, really hard to have happily ever after with the war criminal/patricide/genocide First Order leader, wouldn’t it’ve? This is the guy who cost the deaths of his father, his uncle, and his mother just to SLOW HIM DOWN, migod. They could have worked around it, yes. As my S.O. says, “there was never gonna be Poe-Finn-Rey-Ben poker night, ‘k?”, but we could have had Ben and Rey go off together, create a new Jedi training temple and never mention the name Kylo Ren again. It. Would. Have. Been. So. Beautiful. But he was redeemed, he was Ben again, he was lovely, he was brokenhearted, he gave his life to save the Jedi Rey who was the woman he loved. AND HE SMILED AND WAS GLAD TO GIVE IT. Oh, my heart. Reylo 4evah.

Okay, the good that was not dumb at all:

-Who said this was paced badly? It was so exciting! What did you want, sitting on couches? There’s a reason the prequels are all but disavowed.

-KYLO STALKER-CHASING REY. Ah ha ha. Oh. Oh my god, every beautiful horrible line of his. “The next time I see you, you will take my hand.” “The only way you’re getting to Exegol is with me.” TAKING THE NECKLACE omigod that was the sexiest moment in the whole goddamn series. I was so expecting him to say, “I’m a NICE GUY, why don’t you want me?” next, ah ha ha. Really, it was just so characteristic of the post-rejected TLJ Kylo that absolutely had to be. He had tried being nice, no, really—“You’re nothing. But not to me.” Ah ha ha, oh, KYLO, you beautiful idiot piece of trash.—now he’s going to turn the screws. And Rey, going for the lightsaber every time to make it a fight because she doesn’t want to talk to his stupid stalker ass. It. Was. Perfect.

-C3P0 not being a prick! He was prissy and annoying and actually funny this time around, but he put away the everpresent dickishness this time. Wow. Best Threepio since...ever, maybe.

-Doing what they could with Leia. I have craved Jedi Leia forever so I’m forgiving what should have actually felt like “too little too late.” And I’m never going to get over her achingly lovely embrace with Rey.

-Han. Han. Han. I don’t even love Han nearly as much as Luke and Leia and I’m still enraptured with this moment. Does everybody get that in TFA, Han walked out on that bridge with his son knowing he was very possibly going to his death? At the hands of his own son? That when Kylo said, “I don’t know if I have the strength to do what I need to,” Han fucking knew that he was warring, that what he wanted to do was kill his father so that he would have committed an act so heinous he could never never go back to the light? That Han knew that? And gave him his life willingly because he was ready to take that chance Kylo would not do it, but also that in killing him it might haunt Kylo and help him turn back later? Han is not an idiot. And he’s that much of a loving father. So when we got to the echo of “...to do what I need to,” it was that turning point that Kylo was at last feeling. YAYYYYY.

-New characters. I liked them! They were engaging and had intriguing presence.

-Rey Skywalker. Okay, some of you hate this. But I’m more than fine with it. The Skywalkers have been the most important people in her life: mother, father, soulmate. Why shouldn’t she claim it and refuse to let the line end with the dead? Though I would have been equally happy with, “Just Rey.”

-Force dyad. You know what that means? That means in TFA when Kylo says, “What girl?” it is subtextually possible that he already knows what girl—the dyad part of him he’s always felt. Ooooooooooooooooh.

-Passing the saber via forcebond. God, I wish I hadn’t been spoiled for that one.

And now, it’s time for:

(Note. I’m not telling you it IS this way. I’m telling you this is my headcanon and I’m sticking to it.)

-So Palpatine’s alive, sort of. In him are the spirits of ten thousand Sith or whatever, which he can wield, but he’s still a walking corpse.

-He’d prefer to possess the body of a great force-user but they’d have to allow it, ritually. Kylo Ren would be good for this, but he could also be a useful ally. Meantime the Jedi Rey presents a threat. Kill her, she’s out of the picture, good enough. He could have her body to possess if he turns her, though.

-So if Kylo Ren finds him, he’ll make an ally of him and tell him to kill Rey.

-If Rey finds him, though, he’ll convince her to turn. How? Rey doesn’t want power. He’ll give her the one unshakeable thing she wants. A family. A lineage. A destiny.

-His “I don’t want to kill you, I want you to kill me,” “you are my granddaughter,” lines are just that: lines. He shows his true colors later when he snarls, “a worthless scavenger cannot inherit the dark side.”

Liar, liar, Mustafar on fire. Her parents were filthy junk traders. Rey of Jakku. Rey Nobody. Rey Skywalker because she adopts it. There’s my truth. Pbbbbbthhtttpbbthhht.

[gem-quest]

[ SIDEQUEST 01. — I N F E R N A  &  N E D D Y  ]

taglist: @ayzrules @bebemoon @interluxetumbra @now-on-elissastillstands @pulltheskydown @atimefordragons @armadasneon

aka: how Neddy & Inferna meet! tl;dr neddy saves inferna’s stupid ass, and inferna loves one (1) dragon who is the goodest boi ever <3

After beating Level 35 - ‘Enchanted Forest and Faerie Court’ - Inferna was pooped; dealing with stupid annoying riddles was, well, stupid. She would have rather just fought the faerie queen lady, no matter how powerful she was supposed to be, and then fucked off.

I could have totally 360 no scope’d her, she thought, a bit bitterly.

But faeries reminded her of an easier level; Finvarra’s Gardens, all the way back in Level Ten. Just the thought of all the food she’d seen the first time she passed through made her mouth water. So, Inferna pulled an ictuium potion out of her inventory, and the next thing she knew, she was surrounded by the blue skies and dancing faeries of the level.

She followed her nose to the feast table, and if Gem Quest was an anime, Inferna’s eyes would have turned into a pair of massive hearts. There were glazed hams and candied figs and dainty little sweetmeats; honeyed wine and fruit tarts and a pig with an apple in its mouth. But one thing, and one thing only, would grab Inferna’s attention anytime, anywhere: pastries.

Inferna gravitated towards the sugary confections, eyeing the sweet treats. She reached out to grab one, already able to taste the chocolatey filling melting over her tongue...

“Hey, what the fu-” Inferna muttered as another player - Moonstone, apparently - came out of nowhere and smacked her hand. 

“Bad idea,” she said.

She jerked her lilac head down the table to the end, where a group of fae NPCs were watching them with intense interest. “If you Partake, they get to keep you.” 

Infera looked up, noting the girl’s pale purple hair (it was gorj), before her gaze flitted back towards the NPCs. “Oh.” Inferna frowned. “I don’t remember that from the last time I came through. Has that always been a thing?”

The other girl smiled. “Er, yeah. It’s been a thing for a while- Sorry, you’ve been through this level before and...you came back for-” she paused, looked down, and then looked back up “-sweets? That’s a new one.” 

Inferna shrugged. “Uh, yeah, there’s no fucking way I would have come back to this level otherwise,” she mused out loud, glaring at the NPCs. “The Finvarra guy is annoying. Honestly, all the NPCs in this game are either annoying, assholes, or both.”

She flicked her gaze back towards the purple-haired Moonstone player. “What about you?” she asked, curious. “Why are you hanging out around here? Is something fun going to happen?”

“No- I’m just camping here. For now.” Neddy smiled again, and stuck her hand out. “I’m Enthroned, by the way. But people call me ‘Neddy’. Less pretentious.” 

Inferna smiled back at her. “Cool name,” she said, taking her hand and shaking it. “Both of them.”

She paused, and flipped her red hair over her shoulder. “I’m Inferna. I tried to name myself Iroh, but someone had already taken the name. You know, after the uncle dude in ATLA?”

Neddy seemed...confused, and her brows creased. “What’s-?” she cut herself off as a shadow passed over the feast. There’s a black dragon flying overhead, but it doesn’t take long for it to disappear from sight. 

When Neddy looks back down, she’s grinning. “You want to come meet a friend of mine?”  

Inferna raised an eyebrow, following Neddy’s gaze skyward, and nodded. “Sure,” she agreed. “What’re they like?”

Neddy started off in....some direction. Inferna couldn’t tell, but she was willing to trust her - she was horrible with directions. “Tall, dark and handsome,” replied Neddy. 

“Really,” Inferna said. “Tall, dark, and handsome in the creepy male movie love-interest-slash-stalker way? Not my type at all. I mean, movie Edward Cullen just looks like a white, uglier version of Kris Wu with that dirty blond-ish colored hair.”

Neddy laughed. “Don’t be so sure. I think you’ll like this one.”

Inferna gave her a skeptical look, but continued following Neddy, until they reached what looked like a treehouse, made out of leaves and branches. “Whoa,” she said, impressed. “Did you make that yourself? That’s so cool; I can’t do jackshit when it comes to, like, arts and crafts. Or building stuff in general.” 

“Well, I had a little help bending these thicker branches, but-” Neddy put her hands on her hips, beaming. “-yeah, it was quite the undertaking. One has need of home and hearth, after all, even in virtual reality.”  

Inferna whistled softly. “Still, it’s super impressive,” she said, admiring the treehouse-ish shelter for a moment longer. “I just steal money from other people so I can have, you know, AC. And running water.” She wrinkled her nose. “The freshmen dorms at my school are like, janky as fuck. Is it even legal to force people to live in places with no AC, when it can get up to 100 degrees in the summer? Anyway, after a year of that, I’m never going without AC again. Ever.”

“So, where’s this friend of yours?” she asked, scanning the area around them.

Neddy blinked. “Oh, right- I guess he’s lollygagging. But I’m sure he’ll be along any second.” She gestured towards the tree house with her thumb. “Do you want to come inside until he gets here?” 

Inferna shrugged, though she was a bit suspicious - did Neddy always just randomly invite people into her house? “Sure, I guess,” trying to sound as nonchalant as she could. 

Neddy smiled and turned to head up the twiggy ladder, but she paused as the same shadow from the feast slipped over them. She looked over her shoulder at Inferna and pointed upwards. “He’s back!” 

Inferna, for her part, was shaken out of her thoughts by Neddy’s excited exclamation. “Huh?” she said, then looked up, as Neddy directed. 

She watched as a jet black dragon circled a couple of times before landing lithely in the cleared area outside of the treehouse. Inferna froze, but Neddy went over to put her arms around the creature the same way someone might hug the family dog. Finally, she looked back over at Inferna, one hand still rested on the dragon’s snout. 

Inferna’s eyes widened. “Shit, you have a dragon?” she asked, her own wariness forgotten as she watched the black dragon circle above and then land in front of them. Inferna stayed where she was by the tree as Neddy threw her arms around the dragon’s neck.

“I told you he was handsome.”   

She nodded, slowly. “He is,” she agreed, smiling despite herself. “What’s his name?”

“Jack.” Neddy gave Jack a fond look. “I know he looks villainous, but he has the kindest heart of anyone I’ve come across in this entire game.” 

“Awww, what a good boy,” Inferna said, taking a few steps closer. A thought occurred to her. “What kind of food does he like?” she asked, mentally rifling through her inventory. “Does he like spicy things?”

“He likes everything. Sugar cubes, especially,” Neddy said with a snort.

Inferna’s eyes lit up. “Oh, perfect!” she exclaimed. “I steal those from the Tearoom all the time. Well, not really ‘stealing’ if they’re just laying around on the tables for people to take, I guess, but what is that NPC who runs it going to do? Tell me I can’t bring Tupperware into the place?”

As she rambled, Inferna popped open her inventory on her player-plexus and selected the sugar cubes. “If I throw one to him, will he catch it?” she asked, beaming at Neddy.

Neddy considered Jack, thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Worth a try.” 

Inferna grinned and clapped her hands. “Okay, here goes,” she said, then gently tossed a sugar cube in Jack’s direction.

Inferna’s grin widened, and she let out an excited squeak as Jack snatched the sugar cube right out of the air - a thoroughly good boi. Neddy giggled. “I’ve never tried that with him before.” 

 “Really?” she asked, tossing another cube in Jack’s direction. “He’s so cute!!!” Jack snorted a plume of noxiousness, as if to say that he was in agreement with Inferna.

She frowned, thoughtful. “You think he’d like hot sauce?” she wondered out loud, pulling out one of her tiny bottles of Inferna Sauce. “I made this myself, because the food is way too bland in this game. Is it okay if I give him some?”

Neddy gestured that Inferna should have at it, and Inferna beamed at her, again, then dunked the bottle of Inferna Sauce onto the sugar cube and tossed it at Jack. Once again, the dragon snapped the treat out of the air. However, this time, Jack’s serpent-y tail swished back and forth afterward- he was clearly a big fan of the improved sugar cube.

“Wow. Guess he likes it. If you keep those coming, I bet he’ll let you have a ride,” said Neddy.

“He’ll let me ride him?” Inferna asked, clapping her hands. “I’ve never ridden a dragon before. Awww, but he’s such a good boy!” And she tossed him another sugar cube covered with Inferna Sauce, cooing at Jack in delight as he swished his tail around.

“What do you think, Cha?” Neddy and Jack shared a look. Inferna watched, intrigued, as the dragon dipped his head- up and down again- almost like nodding. Neddy nodded back before looking over at Inferna. “He’s ready when you are, Inferna.”

“Alright,” she agreed happily, skipping over to Jack. She glanced at Neddy. “How does this work? Do I just get on and hold on to something?”

“Exactly. Hold onto one of those collars.” Neddy gave her a boost onto Jack’s back and indicated the lowest collar studded with clusters of rubies as a hand-hold. “I’ve almost fallen loads of times, but he always catches me, so don’t worry about that. Just hang on as tightly as you can. And take off anything that might fly off of you because he goes really fast. I had a circlet whipped off my head once- it was a really pretty one too.”

Inferna settled comfortably atop Jack’s back, grabbing onto the collar that Neddy pointed her towards. She nodded, taking in Neddy’s advice. “Aw, that sucks,” she said, tying her own hair into a ponytail so that it would be out of her face. “The one good thing about this game is the accessories. I mean, shit, where am I going to get boots like this in the real world?” And she indicated downwards to the black leather boots she was wearing, with a matching leather snake wrapped around one of her calves.

Neddy nodded approvingly. “Those are dope.”

Inferna smiled her thanks. “Okay,” she said, making sure that she was holding on tight. “I think I’m ready to go. Is there something I’m supposed to say to get him to fly?”

“I just say ‘let’s go’. Usually does the trick.”

Inferna gave her a crooked grin. “Sounds good,” she said. “Let’s go?”

Jack took off, and Inferna held on as tight as she could, letting out a loud “Wahoooooo!!!” as he swept up into the sky.

All at once, the wind began rushing past her as they flew up into the clouds, and Inferna was very glad that she’d tied her hair back beforehand. She let out another exhilarated yelp as Jack spun them upside down then right-side up again, giggling at the sheer fun of it all.

Inferna guessed it had been about ten minutes - ten minutes of loop-de-loops and dizzying turns and thrilling dives that made her head spin every which way - when Jack began flying back towards the ground, landing in front of Neddy’s treehouse shelter.

“Holy fucking shit!” she shrieked, letting go of Jack’s collar to clap her hands. “That was by far the best thing I’ve ever done!!!”

Neddy applauded. “He was really showing off for you up there. Lots of fancy maneuvers.”

Inferna gave Neddy a curious look. “Really?” she asked, hopping off of Jack’s back so that she could lean up and kiss him on the snout. “You’re such a good boy,” she cooed, digging out another sugar cube and topping it off with Inferna Sauce. “Here!” And she tossed the sugar cube up into the air for Jack to eat.

Jack caught the morsel, emitting a gentle noise. Inferna stayed to play with Jack, and as night fell, Neddy invited Inferna to stay the night. Inferna agreed, of course - who didn’t love sleepovers?

In the morning, Inferna woke up because she was hungry, and groaned. She was still way too tired, so she tried to fall back asleep (her player-plexus said that it was 6:30 AM in-game, and Inferna found that she stayed up till 6 AM more easily than she got up at that time), but no luck.

After about an hour, Inferna gave up. She left Neddy a message via the messaging function on the player-plexus - hey neddy wassup, i’m gonna bounce bc i need some food, but it was fun meeting you and jack and ill see you around!! <3 :***** - and then climbed down out of Neddy’s shelter, waving goodbye to Jack as she pulled out an ictuium potion, headed for the Tearoom.

[pockpop]

the loved and the damned part two | seo changbin

➵ summary: throwing up flowers for a boy in love with someone else is more exciting than not loving him at all.

➵ genre: fluffy angsty stuff ya know, tattooed!changbin, college au, 1990s era

*lyrics credit to julia micheals

oct.23.2018  | 9:23pm

masterlist

••

part one | part two

“hurts to remember the moment we met, the touch that he planted, the garden he left.”

•

october 1997

the arrival of fall was evident in the cool breeze that welcomed us in the beginning of october. but the colder it got, the more sick i was. and to make matters worse, oblivious changbin was still in love with his ex girlfriend. so why was i still in love with him? that’s a question neither myself or my dumb heart could answer.

as usual, for breakfast, changbin and i sat in a booth at georgie’s diner, a hangout spot close to campus that many students went to for the three meals of the day. but keeping down even one meal was becoming difficult for me.

“just because i said i’m paying doesn’t mean pick at your food,” changbin commented with a mouth full of seasoned potatoes. I scrunched up my face at him and cut into my omelet that still had steam coming from it.

“hey so I have a question,” changbin motioned for me to speak as he was starting to dig into his chocolate chip pancakes.“so have you ever heard of someone throwing up flowers?”

he stopped mid-chew,staring at me oddly.“that’s an odd question. why do you ask?”

i huffed, scratching my neck,“I um- read it in a book the other day?”

changbin snorted as he continued to eat,”those fiction books you read, you gotta get your head out of the clouds sometimes y/l/n. we need you down here.” he joked lightly flicking my forehead, but just that tiny touch upset my stomach. gripping the edge of the booth seat, i took a deep breath to try and subside the nausea but it didn’t work.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,  just don’t eat my omelet,” I said pointing at him while I stood up, he waved me off and was already reaching to get a bite of it anyway.

speed-walking to the bathroom, i barely made it to the toilet before the flowers exploded out of my mouth. calla lilies decorated the toilet, the toilet seat, the floor and my shirt. i groaned out as my eyes blurred with pain filled tears. i closed my eyes briefly but only for a second before a knock came at the stall door.”hello? are you alright in there?” a female voice said through the door.

“yes. just still fighting a stomach virus.” I sickly replied as i to scrambled to pick up the flowers and flush the toilet. as i was turning to open the door,i watched the girl’s hand reach down to pick up a stray lily.

catching a glimpse of her hand, i recognized the lotus flower tattoo on her hand but i couldn’t remember from where. her cautious voice followed afterward.“it’s gets easier,over time. at least until these beautiful flowers turn fatal... I do hope you feel better.”

at least until these beautiful flowers turn fatal? what the hell was she talking about? i wasn’t sure but i was still stuck wondering how in the hell i was gonna fix whatever was going on with my body.

••

“hey chris, did she call today?” was the first question out of changbin’s mouth the moment we entered the frat house. chris barely glanced up from his textbook, waving changbin off.”when she does, isn’t it the first thing i tell you?”

changbin bit his lip, balancing his weight back and forth for a moment before he looked back at me.”does this mean she really doesn’t want to get back together or something?”

“I don’t know binnie, it’s only been a week.”

see, changbin’s ex had approached him just a week ago talking all this stuff about fixing the tension between them and saying she’d call him again soon so they can really talk. i was getting tired of hearing about her. one moment he’s completely in my face and complimenting me, clinging to my side like an over-attached child and then the moment she is even mentioned, it was like i didn’t exist. not only was it hurting my pride to still even be in this situation but it wasn’t as if i was calling him out on his bullshit. i let him do it because what girl doesn’t love the pain of her unrequited love?

groaning, changbin grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to his room. once we reached his room, i pulled my hand away, nausea settling in my stomach again. he didn’t even notice. “i just don’t get it. you can give someone all your time and they barely even notice you.” he complained sitting on his bed to kick off his sneakers. it was only when he glanced up at me still standing in the doorway did he pause.

“are you okay? you don’t look so good.” i shook my head, gripping the straps of my backpack.”i think i’m actually gonna head out.”

“but i have something for you and-”

“just show me next time? yeah, i’ll see you tomorrow.”

i felt the room was caving in,my chest so tight that my vision was blurring. i turned to leave the room and almost fell into the door frame. his hands were there to catch me, as they always seemed to be, but never to hold me. pulling away from his grip, i walked down the stairs, almost making it out the door before a tear dropped down my cheek.

why was i letting him do this to me? he’ll never love me back.

my stomach burned as the roots seemed to plant themselves deeper and i had thought i held down the nausea well enough for once but once i finally took a deep breath of fresh air, a calla lily escaped from my mouth onto the front porch. 

“y/n! wait-” panicking, i clapped a hand over my mouth and was about to run down the steps but i faltered seeing changbin’s ex standing in the walkway watching me. she didn’t look upset, but intrigued, her baby doll brown eyes were unreadable.

“sophie,”changbin choked out and she finally tore her attention away from me to him beside me. swallowing hard, i walked past her, not missing her side-eyeing me. changbin didn’t even say goodbye. but then again, neither did i.

••

a few days later in my avoiding changbin quest, I walked into the art department building, carrying my art supplies bag in my arms with a ton of paint inside. I couldn’t exactly see in front of me so when I did bump into someone, the person caught the bag before i dropped it.

“oh thank-“i stopped mid-sentense seeing sophie in front of me. “thank you,”I finished softly. she smiled gingerly at me, her face brightening as she smiled,”no girl you’re fine. you need some help?”

“I wouldn’t mind any actually,”i spoke, allowing her to take the bag from me. it was then did i notice the lotus flower on her hand, the beautiful intricate design of it mesmerizing me. it was the same one I saw in the restaurant, and her voice was the same collected and calm tone. she noticed that I was staring at her hand and followed my eyes to her tattoo. “let’s get inside shall we? then we can talk?”

she turned and followed me to the art room I rented out for a few hours. my project was due in a month and everyone else was already doing their finishing touches while i had barely started adding the paint or any of the actually art to my project.

“so changbin and you, huh?”

startled by her question, i shook my head quickly,”oh no, just friends. he’s still...getting over some stuff.”

she giggled,”typically of binnie, but I think it’s better for us this way,”

once we were inside the art room, she waited until I had taken out all my supplies and canvas before she settled on sitting on one of the tables. her tattooed legs swinging comfortably.

“my flowers appeared soon after I started dating changbin. gorgeous red lotuses. I thought I was going crazy at first. and then I questioned if it was just that he didn’t love me. but it actually wasn’t him at all.”

I looked away from my canvas to her in confusion and she laughed at my expression,”yes you’re not the only one out there with this damned disease. see, before changbin, I was actually talking to minho, you know lee minho the dancer?”

“basically runs the dance department,” I responded

“oh yeah you bet he does and he and I had a thing before changbin showed up. but no one knew, since minho was all about image and what not so of course I fell for him anyway but then he broke it off. and the flowers showed up after changbin and I were together.”

shaking her jet black beach curls,she sighed deeply.”it was horrible. painful in every way and I was considering just going to the doctor and asking them to rip open my lungs. I was so mean to changbin because I hated being with him and knowing my heart was with someone else. I wanted to stop hurting him. so we broke up and I wanted to just suffer until I died I guess but then... the flowers stopped.”

I bit my lip waiting for her to continue. her eyes met mine and i could see them watering,”minho eventually loved me back. I mean he just confessed and then the flowers were just gone. we haven’t let anyone know because of obvious reasons but if he didn’t love me back I probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

I went back to organizing everything, putting on my apron in deep consideration.”so we just have to wait to they love us back or die?”

“well no-not exactly. see, there’s this special doctor in the next city over that does surgeries for this. he says there’s a way where he can get rid of the roots, only problem is it rids you of any emotions at all. sick isn’t it?”

i nodded, not feeling too good. rubbing my stomach, i did want to get rid of the stupid flowers, but ridding myself of all emotions? dying? changbin actually loving me back? all of it sounded like complete bullshit.

“you can wait for him to love you back, get the surgery or die. all of them sucky I know, but it’s just the curse of us damned ones.”

i snorted, liking how the simple sound made sophie smile,“oh we have a name now?”

the beautiful girl grinned,”i just came up with that. it’s a rare disease but it’s out there.says to have been around for centuries, passed down and some stupid crap like that. either way there’s the ones who are loved and then there’s us, and i’m really pissed at whoever passed it down my family lineage, aren’t you?”

i sat down on a stool and shrugged,”i just hope whoever it was was worth it for them.”

sophie bit her lip and tilted her head at me,”that’s why we still love them through the pain. they are always worth it.” 

••

“are you ignoring me or something?” i heard him before i saw him, the scratching of his skateboard against the pavement made me roll my eyes. i stopped walking to allow him to catch up to me and once he did, i was pissed i even looked at him. as always, changbin looked his best. wearing a black bomber jacket, white t-shirt, ripped jeans, and black air-force ones, as simple as the outfit was, he made it look so damn good. 

he also didn’t look too happy with me either, gripping his skateboard in one hand and his sketchbook in the other, his body was entirely facing mine. 

“no. i just talked to you.” the tattooed boy narrowed his eyes at me, tilting his head in agitation,revealing a new design on his neck.”don’t give me that bull, ‘ight? just tell me what’s been going on with you? i thought we were cool?”

“we are, binnie. but aren’t you and sophie back doing who knows what? why are you even here bothering me?”

he looked taken aback, frowning at my answer.”sophie and i aren’t getting back together for one. and two, cause i can. you’re my best friend y/n, am i just not supposed to be worried about you?” when i didn’t answer him right away, he looked down at the space between us and took a deep sigh. “i’m sorry, okay? for ignoring you, for talking about her all the time, i’m just..sorry.”

his eyes met mine finally and i just couldn’t do it. damnit changbin, why are you so damn beautiful? i groaned and punched his arm,making him yelp.”i seriously hate you,” changbin just dropped his skateboard and sketchbook and scooped me up in his arms, burring his face into my neck. it took me a second before i hugged him back, but once i did, i didn’t want to let him go. with the cold breeze,it was easy for me to melt into his embrace and soak up the feeling of him. 

no matter how much i wanted him to be mine, i had to realize he just would never feel the same. no matter how much i wanted this feeling constantly from him, to feel protected and loved by him, the sooner i realized it wasn’t going to happen, the better i would feel. at least that’s what i kept telling myself. 

but that didn’t work at all. it had only been two days later when my body finally couldn’t take it anymore.

gorgeous calla lilies decorated my tiny dorm room. the trail of them like a trail of bloody death led all the way to the bathroom where i was hacking up more and more. my throat raw and my stomach clenching painfully, my nails gripped the sides of the toilet with blurry eyes as tears streamed down my face.

was he really worth all this pain? was he worth dying for?

flushing the toilet, i slumped down beside it to rest, closing my eyes for just a moment to let my body relax. I thought it was just a few minutes but the opening and closing of my dorm door made me shoot up from the floor.

“um, y/n?” i heard changbin call out. i barely scrambled to my feet but stopped short in the mirror seeing how terrible I looked. my usually vibrant dark skin was now sucked of all light and the dark circles under my eyes made me realize I was already dying.

my hair was falling into my face in nappy, tangles and my lips were swollen.

the sound of his approaching footsteps took me out of my trance and quickly I closed the bathroom door, locking it.

“y/n? tell me what’s going on? why are there bloody flowers everywhere?” I could hear him trying to turn the locked door knob.

“changbin, please go,”i rasped out, already feeling woozy again. “y/n, open this damn door right now.” I fell to my knees, the room spinning. I clenched my eyes shut to try and gain control but then the flowers started spewing out, so many that i felt like i was choking.

and then I was slipping into the darkness, my head banging against the floor just as changbin broke the door open.

••

it was the beeping of the heart monitor that oozed me out of a deep darkness. squinting to the bright lights, my vision eventually cleared to see changbin asleep beside me. his head on my lap, his hand in mine.

lifting my thigh a bit to wake him up, he groaned softly after a while but eventually opened his eyes so i could see those sweet brown eyes that i fell for once before. he stared at me for a moment, more in admiration than anything before he narrowed his eyes at me.

“why didn’t you tell me I was doing this to you?”

“because telling you wasn’t going to automatically make you fall in love with me and make it stop.”

“but I do love you, that’s how you’re still alive.”

i furrowed my eyebrows at him and he lifted his head to shyly smile at me.”the doctors told me that the only way they were going to be able to save you was the surgery. you were on the brink of death so even if i did eventually fall for you, it would be too late..” he rubbed his thumb across my hand before squeezing it. “but as they were beginning the surgery, the roots, the flowers, they just started disappearing.”

i smiled coyly at him,”you never know what you have until it’s almost gone.”

changbin laughed at me, lifting my hand to his mouth to kiss it,” you’ve never spoken truer words. and now that I have you, I’m never letting go.”

••

I lay in the grass with my backpack under my head, staring up at the sky. the sun was soon to set and the clouds were decorated in oranges and pinks. my cassette was playing my new mariah carey tape,fantasy making me bop my head rhythmically.

my view got covered by changbin standing over me, two glasses of lemonade in his hands. I glared at him and pulled out my earphones.

“mariah and I don’t approve of you blocking my view.” changbin snorted and kneeled down beside me, waiting for me to sit up before he handed me the glass. “drink up, chris made it fresh just for you.”

“wow, why didn’t i just date him then?” i asked before taking a sip of my lemonade, choking on the beverage when i saw his shocked facial expression. leaning over, i pressed a chaste kiss on his lips, liking the smile that spread across his face. “i’m just kidding, i didn’t go through all that pain for nothing.”

his face fell at the mention of it but i just leaned my forehead against his and pressed my lips gently to his nose, “i don’t know why you’re all sad when i mention it. if it didn’t happen, would we have been here right now? in this moment?”

he narrowed his eyes in thought.”actually, what got us to this moment was that old ass cassette player you got.”

“don’t come for my cassette! you murdered my poor baby and i will always despise you for it!”i yelled making him laugh, 

“you’re so dramatic, drink your damn lemonade you out-of-style hippy.”

“don’t even start with your wanna-be hard-rapper act when your soft ass actually sleeps with not one but two stuffed animals and a ice cold cup of water every night.”

changbin gasped, holding his chest as if he had just been attacked,”you’ve been talking to chris haven’t you?!” sipping on my lemonade,i laid back down and ignored his question, watching him jump up and run inside yelling profanities. 

i couldn’t help the laughter that stirred up in me then. it’s funny how life works out, how things can seem to fall into place. some way...some how.

-

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Magic (3) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: November 17th, 2024

part one, part two, part four

A Familiar Kind of Love - auroraphilealis, ineverhadmyinternetphase

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

A Light And His Soul Snatcher (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil was the most powerful magic wielding human of the decade, even when he was just a child. He was what his people called a light - someone that was a pure source of magic. He’d been forbidden to leave his house because his parents were terrified that he’d attract soul snatchers, which was horrible creatures that consumed innocent souls. But Phil was a curious little one and he was bound to step outside eventually. Dan had been a stupid young boy, who’d gotten too obsessed with the magical culture and peer pressured into doing something really dumb, just because all his friends had done it. His soul had been broken and locked away, never to be seen or felt again, as his body was doomed to roam the world as a soul snatcher. But Dan would be granted a second chance.

Do You Believe In Magic? - doomedhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil live in a world where magic exists. They’ve grown up together in a same small town and have learned to hate each other. One day a ‘witch’ casts a spell on them to make them switch bodies with each other. They spell can’t be undone until they learn to get.

Gathering Threads - lestericalphan 

Summary: Miloria is changing: Louise is now finding herself in charge of a kingdom, Dan has been having strange dreams about a boy who later shows up on his doorstep along with the King of the East Crest, and Jack is now having to look after both Darcy and her Mother.

But magic is stirring again after centuries asleep and the Gods seem to be contently watching as power shifts from head to head.

Lights in the Expanse - wishicouldunreadthat

Summary: Dan finds out that demons are very real, and they perform black magic. In fact, one offers him a deal - for a few favours, he can experience the sublime. Upon accepting, Dan finds himself with a voodoo doll enchanted with the power of a True Name - and that name is Philip Lester.

Of Streets and Strangers - theshyauthor

Summary: Dan discovers a street that he swears hasn’t been there the day before, and he discovers a man stumbling out of the street unlike any man he’s ever met before. Intrigued by the odd happenings that no one else around him seems to notice, he befriends the man and discovers that not everything in this world is quite like it seems.

Reflections of the Heart - butterflyphil

Summary: the multi-chaptered, slightly smutty bodyswap fic that no one asked for. Featuring whiny/annoying!Dan, sassy/beguiling!Phil, unintentional innuendos, intentional innuendos, unnecessary kitchen supplies, and just a pinch of magic.

Steal My Heart (steal my whole life too) - auroraphilealis

Summary: Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince of Morellia, Philip Lester has never been given the chance to find love. Instead, he’s run from a system that works to end class differences and improve equality for its citizens. Happy as he is to make the world a better place, Phil can’t help feeling bitter towards his ancestors for making it impossible for him to find someone who will actually love him for more than just his title, and strives instead for a life of justice and doing good - only to meet his match in the King of Thieves, a man who will change everything he once thought he knew in life. Together, they must depart on a quest to save the kingdom, and, in the process, destroy their differences and find their own form of love.

Still I Call It Magic - philcreateddan

Summary: Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth - queenofallcorgis

Summary: Although the Association of Supernatural Species (yes…A.S.S.) brought together all the various magical beings for conferences they didn’t much mingle. At least not until Phil met Dan. Pastel!Vampire!Phil and Punk!Fairy!Dan

The Reflection Of My Heart Has Your Smile (ao3) - NormalnessLeadsToSadness

Summary: Phil Lester, the legacy of generations of psychic powers, can see things that others can’t. He can see the brown haired boy in the mirror, the one with eyes so beautiful it makes his heart beat faster. Dan Howell, who doesn’t know his family, is trapped behind a mirror in another world, rapidly falling for the blue eyed, black haired boy who made it his mission to be his friend.

But when worlds collide, can they learn to survive in a hostile land, help their friends, and get back home? All while falling in love?

Which Witch - jilliancares

Summary: Dan and Phil are neighbors, witches, and enemies. Their feud leads to Dan cursing Phil, only for Phil to curse him right back.

[booksbeyondimagining]

Wondering Sight (The Extraordinaries #2), by Melissa McShane

Publish Date: January 19, 2017 (repub: January 8, 2019) Published by: Curiosity Quills Press (repubbed by Night Harbor Publishing) Length: 355 pages Genre: Historical Fantasy My Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ (1 out of 5 stars)

Synopsis:

Sophia Westlake is an Extraordinary Seer, gifted with the ability to See past, present and future in Dreams and Visions. When she accuses a prominent politician, Lord Endicott, of embezzling from the Army, her Dream is “proved” false and she is disgraced, her reputation ruined. Furious and desperate, Sophia takes the only course left to her: she sets out to discover Lord Endicott’s criminal enterprises and bring him to justice.

Sophia’s allies are few, but loyal. Cecy, her best friend, supports Sophia in her quest, while her cousin Lady Daphne, an irrepressible Extraordinary Bounder, is always ready for a challenge. And always watching her is the mysterious Mr. Rutledge, who claims to be interested in Sophia’s friendship—and possibly more than that—but who has an agenda of his own.

But as Sophia delves deeper into prophetic Dreams, Cecy and Daphne begin to fear for Sophia’s health and sanity. Driven to collapse by her frequent Dreaming, Sophia is forced to reevaluate her motives: does she want Lord Endicott brought to justice, or is it revenge she seeks? Sophia’s Dreams and Visions are leading her to just one place: the destruction of Lord Endicott. But the cost of her vengeance may be too high—and may demand the sacrifice of her own life.

My Review: 

After exuberantly loving the first book in this series, I eagerly started the next - only to be utterly put off by the main character and completely disinterested in the plotline. I literally had to force myself through this book and I only did so because I want to read the third one (and I swear, if it ends up being as bad as this one I might scream).

First off, Sophia is just a completely unlikeable character. She is proud, self-righteous, arrogant, and has very little redeemable qualities. She believes herself to be infallible, and as such, anyone who disagrees with her is therefore against her. She refuses to let Mr. Rutledge - the love interest - be her friend, because he did not believe she was right in her claim against Lord Endicott because the evidence did not support it. If her definition of friendship is unquestioning belief in anything she says, then she shouldn't have any friends at all. (Also, she shooed away a starving dog because she thought it would attack her and had another negative thought/action about dogs that I can't quite recall but which definitely made my opinion of her even worse.) Sophia is constantly making horrible and stupid decisions. The entire plot is forced into action when she decides to search for evidence that Endicott is still participating in criminal activity - without any indication other than her own desire for revenge to do so. If he had said something that inidcated he was still doing illegal stuff, or she came across a piece of evidence that led her to believe he was, that I could understand. Instead, she was just trying to force the issue by Dreaming incessantly about him in the hopes of finding something that might stick. It was infuriating in terms of getting the plot going because it felt so forced. Part of me wanted her to discover an entire counterfeiting scheme only to have it turn out that Endicott had no connection to it whatsoever, especially since that would have brought about the moment of downfall Sophia sorely needed to give her a good kick in the hubris to remind her that she isn't all that perfect. Then, to make matters worse, she constantly tried to show him up by actually telling him what she was doing. Well, really she used a metaphor about hunting and prey, and that itself got far too overused, but still. How stupid can you be to tell your enemy that you are trying to catch him doing illegal activity? No wonder she doesn't understand card games - you never show your hand until the end. And on a side note, I still don't understand why Lord Endicott was embezzeling and counterfeiting money? He's a titled Lord with an estate, money and power in the government - what was the point in all this criminal activity? Then there was the love interest. Mr. Rutledge was rather bland and boring, with his only redemption coming from his work as a spy of some sort? Still not clear on what he actually does. Anyway, their interactions were few and lacking up to the point when Sophia decided that she was falling in love with him - all based on conversations and interactions that occurred off-page of course. I therefore have no idea what exactly she finds so attractive in him because I did not see that chemistry spark or why. (In case you haven't gathered, I hate off-page romance). He seemed to show almost no interest in her romantically until the very end of the book. Of the other characters, I liked Daphne the best. She is engergetic and enthusiastic about everything, and honestly I love how she tends to meander in her conversation, constantly swerving from one topic to another. I hated how Sophia thought of her as childlike and annoying at times, as if she were better than her. That's just her personality! And yes, she is younger than you. Cecy, on the other hand, was just okay. She is constantly supportive of Sophia, and aside from getting angry at her for overdoing it with Dreaming and wanting a child, she only ever seemed to exist as Sophia's cheerleader. She did have some pain that had a mysterious origin, and is stubborn about it like Sophia, but otherwise she tended to blend into the background and wasn't all that interesting of a character to me. This book was such a drag. With the catalyst for the plot being so frustratingly forced, the story itself was a such a struggle. It felt like it took forever for anything to really start happening, and when it did it still took a long time with most of the action taking place through Sophia's Dreams. And with a protagonist I could not stand nor feel any sympathy for, I could not bring myself to really care about what plot was intriguing. I spent so much of this book not wanting to see Sophia win, and to me that is a problem if I am supposed to enjoy the story as well. I honestly don't know how this book exists in the same world as Burning Bright. I adored that book, the characters, the plot, everything. But this one? This one made me want to scream and punch Sophia in the face. Again, I forced myself through this book in hopes that the third one is more like the first book. I really like Daphne as a character, so I truly hope it doesn't disappoint. Or at least, not tear my hair out in frustration.

[itbeajen]

Omorfos Kosmo | Haikyuu x Reader

Chapter 2 - Cats, Crows, and Garbage

"Of all things to happen, it has to be the first years and the second year idiot duo that are missing..." Daichi sighs as he paces around their guild hall.

ID: Sawachi Main: Holy Knight Level: 66 - Exp 45/100% Guild: Karasuno Fun Fact: Many people think Daichi's ID was named by Tanaka and Nishinoya, but it was actually given to him by Sugawara.

Similar to how Hinata had an entire black outfit beneath his armor, Daichi was the same. The only exception being the full on armor that covered his body from head to toe, although his helmet was off - for once - and his usual bastard sword and shield were strapped to his back. The metallic knight-like armor wasn't too intricately designed, with a few wings adorning it here and there, but it shined brightly under the sparkling crystals that illuminated their guild hall. Although their guild was recent, in fact all guilds were, they grew rather quickly, expanding and culminating guild points in order to obtain various guild buffs and benefits. The tapestry that adorned the center of the back wall displayed a fierce crow against the black fabric that was decorated with an intricate orange design. Their guild members all proudly wore the guild colors, with the exception of Tsukishima who occasionally did and occasionally didn't.

Ennoshita sighed, "I wonder where they could be." He sat down on the sofa, gently rubbing his temples as he could only imagine what the idiotic duos of both respective years were up to. And he desperately hoped they were okay, as one of the guild officers, he couldn't afford to have them run wild amok the cities again.

ID: Chakra Main: Holy Knight Level: 61 - Exp 58/100% Guild: Karasuno Fun fact: Ennoshita's main character was created by Nishinoya and Tanaka, and then they forced him to play it cause "THE ENTIRE VOLLEYBALL TEAM NEEDS TO BE THERE."

Similar to Daichi, his skill set was also built to be a warrior using divine skills. But unlike their captain, Ennoshita's build was meant for damage whereas Daichi was set to divert attention away from the main tank. With equipment similar to Daichi, the only difference was the ease of mobility and the greater balance in skills than Daichi. Whereas Daichi would focus a little bit more on the defensive, Ennoshita's build is made to be both offensive and defensive when he needs to, although he leans towards the offensive.

"Well, you can't blame them... They don't even do daily quests with us half the time," Sugawara sighed, shaking his head.

ID: Sugawara Main: Priest Level: 65 - Exp 0/100% Guild: Karasuno Fun Fact: Was about to have his ID be SugaSuga, but he caught Tanaka and Nishinoya before they were able to click the create button.

The silver haired guild officer sighed, his finger poking at his friends list and guild list in hopes that maybe the messenger system will suddenly start working. The three guild members were the only ones at the guild. Asahi and Kiyoko were wandering town in hopes that maybe their members were just lost in town, but outside of the green dots beside their friends' name, that's the only clue they had to know that they were online.

Sugawara was pulling at his outfit, it was pretty similar to Tsukishima's the only difference was probably the the outer layer. As a priest, Sugawara's outfit was more like a giant robe than the two piece coat and suit that Tsukishima wore. And of course, being the loyal mother crow, he proudly adorned the guild colors of orange and black.

"Well, knowing Kageyama and Hinata... they'll probably get lost. They are pretty bad with directions after all," Ennoshita sighed as he unequipped his armor manually. He was intrigued that by being thrown into the game so many different things were possible. He had barely finished talking when the door to the guild hall was rapped several times. Had it been another guild member, they would have been allowed to enter right away due to the security settings. The trio glanced at each other and Daichi went to open the door. As soon as the door opened, the familiar black bedhead and a head of pudding greeted them. Both of them wearing their signature black and red guild colors.

"Kuroo-san, and Kenma-san," Daichi acknowledged. Kenma's nose scrunched up slightly and he responded, "You can drop the honorifics."

ID: Kenma Main: Priest Level: 70 - Exp 0/100% Guild: Nekoma Fun fact: Kenma is slightly bothered by the unbalance of character classes in his guild. But he doesn't have the motivation to tell them.

Daichi blinked once and nodded, "I see. Come on in, sorry it's only us three."

Kenma blinked several times, his cat-like eyes analyzing the room and he asked, "Shouyou didn't make it back?" The sound of a cup dropping and armor falling clearly showed that he should've chose better wording and Kuroo laughed, "We didn't mean it that way. Kenma's just wondering where Chibi-chan is since he was just messaging him earlier."

The scheming captain whistled appreciatively of the decor in Karasuno's guild hall and he nodded, "Looks pretty, much nicer than ours."

ID: Kuroo Main: Warrior Level: 69 - Exp 99.8/100% Guild: Nekoma Fun fact: Kuroo was a horrible tank for the first several party runs they did, and Kenma had to play his character for him to demonstrate how to be a tank.

Kenma doesn't respond, his hand at his left ear as he waited for Hinata to pick up the call. But upon hearing it fall silent he frowned, "Shouyou didn't pick up either..."

"Your communication systems work?" Sugawara asked. Kenma nodded and he softly explained, "It seems as though the people you last partied with and whoever you meet again in person are the only ones we're capable of talking to through the friends communication. Your guild leader should be capable of using the guild shout out function to contact everyone, but only he'll be able to receive responses."

Daichi sighed, "I've already tried, only Yamaguchi responded, and he's on the way to the guild. He's not with anyone else either."

"I'm surprised Shouyou isn't back... we last logged out at the city gates, so we shouldn't have taken that long to head back to town and- Excuse me." Kenma cut himself off, quickly answering a call.

"Kenma! Where'd you go?!"

Kuroo watches as Kenma winces from the call and Kuroo snickered, "It's probably Lev." He received an affirmative nod from the priest who stays silent for the longest period of time, only to respond with, "Karasuno."

Another wince and a flinch occurs on the pudding haired male. His face suddenly distorts into one of pure disgust and irritation combined together and he mutters a quick bye and cuts the communication channel off. He sighs and Kuroo tilts his head in a silent question.

"Lev found Bokuto and Akaashi."

"Oya?" Kuroo's eyes lit up mischievously and Kenma deadpanned, "Please don't do anything stupid. We still don't know how the game mechanics work and-"

Kenma stops talking at the sound of the guild door opening. Kiyoko and Asahi step in, both of them looking a bit tired and definitely dehydrated. Ennoshita quickly offered them water and they thankfully took it. Daichi glanced over to them, "No luck?"

Asahi shook his head and sighed, "Couldn't find anyone even after searching all of the center of town. We didn't go to the edges though.. there were some nasty rumors about people dragging others into the fields to PK."

ID: GentleGiant Main: Holy Knight Level: 67 - Exp 0/100% Guild: Karasuno Fun fact: Asahi never wanted to be a tank, but somehow or another he got talked into doing it. And now he doesn't mind.

"So people are resorting to PK, huh..." Ennoshita muttered. He had predicted this may happen, especially since a lot of people are probably panicking and PK would mean loss of equipment, and that meant it would be easier to steal someone's gear. Kiyoko cleared her throat, her voice coming out softly but firm, "Death isn't an issue. You revive at the Town Square."

Everyone looked at her, eyes wide and they asked, "This was..."

"Confirmed," she finished, and she explained, while adjusting her bow that was slung across her back, "The same person who told us about the PKs also told us that whoever doesn't willingly give up their equipment automatically get KO'ed on the spot.. Apparently it's a group of players that are exploiting the edges of town where there's no supervision."

ID: Kiyoko Main: Archer Level: 60 - Exp 87/100% Guild: Karasuno Fun Fact: Was originally going to play a priest, but because Yachi ended up joining and becoming a priest, she switched back to her archer so that Yachi wouldn't constantly compare herself to her.

Kiyoko pulls up a map of the town, and she spreads it across the table, causing everyone to walk towards her. She points at the southern most gate, "As we all know, this town is a giant fortress. Back before the Transition update, walking from North to South already took us thirty minutes if we were running, and an hour or so if we walked through it. There are four gates, each of them pointing at a respective direction. Most travelers use the north and east gate, no one's been using the south gate. They managed to enter the NPC buildings where the South Gate's controls are and they've completely blocked it off." She manages to zoom in and it displays the magnificent crystal-made gate that blocked off the entire arch-way. However, at the bottom center of the gate, there was a smaller door that was just big enough to fit a small wagon in width and height.

"The players doing PK are blocking off that gate... and they're exploiting it." Kiyoko's voice trails off, and Kuroo groans, "The game barely updated this morning and not even a few hours later scumbags are already messing around? It's hard enough to keep calm in a situation like this, but to take advantage of the chaos..?" He shook his head, and he growled, "That pisses me off."

Kenma nods in agreement and he muttered, "If any of our guild members go past that area, they'll have difficulty. We're not the most powerful but-" He cuts himself off as he hears several pings, indicating he received messages. He excuses himself momentarily as he scans over the messages, not quite reading everything until he hits the most recent ones, just several minutes ago. He blinks at the sudden message on his screen, his eyes widening. And suddenly he clicks it.

ID: [L/N] 13:09

Kenma, do you know what's going on at these gates?

ID: [L/N] 13:10

I have two wounded companions and-

What is wrong with these people?!

Can you come to the south gate?

Kenma's eyes widened at your message and he glanced around. An archer, two tanks, two off-tanks, and two priests. He could work with this. And he quickly sent Lev a message, telling him to wait at the guild building's lobby. He quickly party requested Kuroo and he mumbled, "A friend of mine got caught at the south gates."

His eyes were narrowed and filled with disdain. Everyone else was shocked and Kuroo asked, "Is it someone we know?"

"No, but she's a good friend of mine, we play games together all the time and-" Kenma takes in a deep breath, "If she was alone I wouldn't be worried, but she's not."

"We can help too," Daichi offers. Kenma nods and he said, "Your guild stay in one party and Kuroo and I will be in another. You guys will be the vanguard though, since you have off-tanks. I'll explain the plan as we go there."

"Come on now sweetcakes, if you just hand those two lugs over and let us borrow them you can get off scotch free. Unless you want to play with us a little," the captain of this ragtag group grumbled. His tone of voice was disgusting you and your hands were already twitching to pull out your main weapon. Tsukishima winced as he took another step and he muttered, "I can't believe they poisoned us the moment we got within range of the town." You nodded in agreement. You had thrown a simple black robe over your outfit and Tsukishima's and Hinata's in order to prevent any possible attacks from wandering PK'ers. But who would've thought they would be camping at the South gates for unsuspecting travelers? You had already recalled Drihtan, ordering him to stay hidden since he was still a child, but the fact that all three of them had been hit at once by the poison gas was not something you expected. God damn Player Killers... Your left hand that was behind your back manage to grab one of your weapons, but one of the assassins on the ragtag group noticed and lunged at you with a dagger in hand. You flipped backward, quickly evaluating the situation and you command, "Lullaby!"

The haunting lullaby was a lot weaker without a proper instrument, but it was the best you could do with your vocal chords. You whip out your mandolin, and your fingers fly over the strings, eagerly buffing your team mates. "Enrapture: Battefield Overture and March Song!" Your teammates felt a power boost as you increased their damage and crit rate, while simultaneously increasing their speed and jump again, allowing them to dodge even if they were slightly sluggish. The captain growled, "She's a Grandmaster Bard! Don't take her lightly!" "Tch. Speed cast! Thunder!" Tsukishima called out. He tossed the charged mass of electricity towards the center of the group, immediately stunning them and electrocuting them. "They have a 30 second stun period where they can't move! Hinata get out of there!" Hinata nodded, swiftly dodging the assassins that had managed to dodge the magical AoE attack. After finally gaining some ground, he finally managed to grab his other sword, spinning both until he was dual wielding them. He spun on his heel, dodging the incoming attack from behind while at the same time slashing the one in front of him, causing him to lose an arm. Taking the opportunity when one of them was in pain, Hinata dragged both his blades across the back of the assassin that had attempted to do a back attack on him. Once both of them were injured and crawling next to each other, he grabbed their heads, banging them together and knocking them unconscious. He wipes the sweat off his forehead as he ungracefully rolls them against a tree and ties them up. "What's next?!" he called out, rushing back towards the main battlefield. He was a bit too far away as he was almost at the forest's edge again. You waited until he was just within range before strumming the strings once more. "Encore! Enrapture: Colorful Melody!" A ribbon of musical notes enveloped Tsukishima and Hinata, and you as well, extracting the poison and healing your wounds slowly. A holy knight lunged for you, his claymore just barely missing your head. If it had been a bit lower, that wouldn't have been good. You rushed forward, clutching the mandolin close to you as you dodged slashes and swings left and right. You skidded into the middle of the enemy ground, as they barely began to recover from Tsukishima's Thunder and your fingers immediately began to string together another debuff. "Seductress: Lullaby!" you called out. The hauntingly sweet tune of the lulling melody seeped into their body and caused them all to slump onto the ground, their heads drooping. The holy knight that was right behind you ended up falling face first, sound asleep and his claymore at his side. You let out a sigh of relief before quickly glancing at your mp. Ah, still good. Not even past 70% yet. Very. Nice. You smiled slightly, dodging an assassin that had broke away from Hinata. You frowned, "Come on, Hinata, couldn't even keep a mere assassin off me?" "Sorry [L/N]!" he called out as he sprinted over. He parried the assassin and you placed one hand on Hinata, "Call of the Wild!" Hinata was surprised to hear the normally archer only buff from you, but ignored it as he felt the increase in energy. And he muttered a quick thanks before bursting off, swords clashing against the mere daggers of the assassins. You hear the sound of ice cracking and suddenly witnesses a group of PK'ers falling to the ground, frozen solid almost hitting the cracks of ice that littered the ground surrounding Tsukishima. The tall blonde adjusted his glasses and extends his arm until his hand appears to be hovering above the fallen enemy troops. "Astral bind." Thorns of light encase them, and Tsukishima begins to load up another spell as he notices the sleeping enemies at your feet. "Fireball!" Your eyes widened at the cast and you smirked, how typical of him. You back flip out of the way, landing near by Hinata. You mutter another Call of the Wild, further increasing Hinata's damage and he nods gratefully before handling a stray holy knight. You began to relax, which was probably a bad decision as you didn't notice the leader of the ragtag group, a Brawler, right behind you. Tsukishima almost didn't notice it if it weren't the wind that blew the smoke away. His eyes widened and he immediately called out, "[L/N]!" You glance back, eyes widening as you barely dodge. But as a result, you slip due to the oversized robe and you cursed your luck. But before the brawler could do anything, a sword is pierced through their stomach and a mess of black hair is seen as the enemy twitches in pain and tries to get himself free. "Didn't they teach you to mess with someone your own size?" Kuroo practically purred. His eyes lock with yours and you get up, shakily. Kuroo pulls his sword out of the leader and Tsukishima immediately binds him. "Kuroo-san, if you were going to help, at least get here earlier." Tsukishima commented dryly. Kuroo snickered, "We didn't think you guys were gonna sweep the floors that quickly," he pauses and shouts, "Kenma! We missed out on the fun!" Kenma sighs from the side of the now opened gate. Daichi and Ennoshita are behind him, dragging out a bunch of unconscious players that were holding the control room. The pudding haired priest merely raises his wand up slightly, "Mystic Door: Location - Lockdown." The unconscious players are immediately sent to the jail within this game world and the captain watches with wide eyes as his subordinates are sent away. "Kenma!" Hinata called out, rushing back. "Shouyou. You're okay." Kenma merely nodded and was about to speak, but closed his mouth as he saw the remaining Karasuno members catch up to regroup. "Hinata! Tsukishima! You guys are okay!" Daichi and Ennoshita called out as they regrouped near you and Kuroo. Your cold gaze never left the man that was pinned onto the floor. He struggled slightly and you teased a string on your mandolin, an eerie tune silencing all noise around you guys. "A good boy shouldn't move," you murmured. The male froze, his eyes widening as he nodded eagerly, in hopes of easing your anger. Kenma approached you, and he merely tilted his head and you answered with a smile, "I'm fine. Kei and Hinata took most of the damage unfortunately." Kenma and Sugawara raise their weapons, "Heal." Divine light washed over you guys as you watched your HP bar return to full and you finally relaxed. It was teetering at 50%, and you turned to the male, "So, you were the leader of the PK'ers?" "I... They- They forced me-" He whimpers as soon as Kuroo's sword comes landing right next to his ear, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! We thought that with the game like this, it'd be easier for us to exploit people and it was! We just wanted to finally catch up to all those elitists!" His head turns to the Karasuno and Nekoma guild, "You guys understand! Don't you?! The feeling of not being good enough! Even if we reach the level cap, we don't have the gear capable for running the higher end bosses and-" "So what? All of us worked hard to get to that level, stealing someone's hard work, that's something scum would do," Kuroo lashed out. The man on the ground got up, ripping his equipment and he lunged for you, only to be grabbed by the collar by Kuroo. "WHAT?! THIS- YOU." He turned to Kuroo. If looks could kill, he'd have been sent to the Town Square by now and he growled, "Elitist scum like you wouldn't understand! All of just want to be on the same level as those blasted mercenaries." "A blasted mercenary, huh?" you muttered. You waved your hand, and Kuroo ungraciously dropped the former PK'er onto the ground with a thud. You sighed, "Those players probably worked hard to get to where they were too." "Most of them are scums like you," he spat out, weakly glaring at you from the floor. If it weren't for everyone's glare and the fact that he was outnumbered, he would've done ran away by now. You sighed, it was impossible getting through this person's thick skull and you muttered, "If you want to get better, don't sit around sulking about your current situation and instead try to be productive. Combat isn't the only way to get better. And with a Brawler like you, you could focus on building yourself as a DPS character or even a tank. Brawlers have the Enragement skill which allows you guys to tank every possible hit for 1 damage only, but the only downside is that you can't use hp pots and you can't move afterwards." The brawler looked at you, eyes wide and you continued, "Most people who are frustrated and upset with the game, and often the ones that resort to PK'ing, it's because you guys either don't have friends that have connections, or in general you don't have connections. On top of that, it's hard to find a build that fits your playstyle. So tweak around with it a bit, explore your character choice, and then when the time comes, you and your friends can enjoy the game." "You don't understand how hard it is to get gear. And money. Bosses and rare drops are often the method in which we gain money and if you don't deal enough damage, no one will take you on runs," the brawler spat back at you. You hear him mutter something along the lines of how dumb you were for not understanding their struggle and you sighed. You reached into your item bag and slipped out a thin mint green coin and flicked it at him. "There," you smiled, he looked at it confused. He's never seen it before, but Kuroo and Daichi almost choked on the sight of the coin. He asked, "What-" "When the time comes, just bring that to the Mercenary Hall, they'll help you out for as long as a week, so use it wisely cause it's a one time use," you answered. You flashed him a bright smile and turned to Kenma, "Heal him please." "[L/N]," Kenma sighed, "You know you really-" "Haven't changed? I know," you smiled and continued, "But he'll learn from his ways. As long as he stops PK'ing, but the moment he starts again, that coin will disappear." "You..." Kenma's face was one of pure disbelief and he wanted to facepalm at your ridiculous antics. Tsukishima finished Kenma's sentence for him, "Idiot." "Kei!" "Tch. Kenma and I aren't going to help you again," the blonde scoffed and you shook your head, "Oh Kei, you don't get it. I've never really needed your help. It's just so much more fun with you two sulky children around." You smiled brightly and turned back to the brawlker, "I won't turn you in, but these boys might. So if you don't run off to the Lockdown and bail your friends, you're on your own mister." The brawler nodded before scrambling to his feet and running off. You hear the familiar flapping of wings as Drihtan landed beside you. The gentle dragon nuzzled your side, as though asking to see if you were okay and you responded with a gentle rub to his neck, "I'm fine boy, thank you for checking. Did I worry you?" Drihtan made a soft cooing noise and nodded its head. The Karasuno members and Kuroo watched in awe as you interacted with the dragon so easily and Kuroo whispered, "Kenma, you never mentioned she was a beta tester." "Ah... Well," Kenma muttered, "She's the reason I joined this game." He looked away and Kuroo grinned, "Oya?" You turned to them and you said, "I promised Hinata there that I'd take him up to his guild hall. As a true mercenary, I never go back on my words." You finished it proudly, one hand on your hip and the other over your heart and Daichi asked, "Uhm, we could always take him back, but you can come with us and reward you if you-" "Nah, I'm good when it comes to gold," you responded without a care in the world and you turned, "But it's my reputation. I did say I'd bring him back to the guild hall." "Reputation?" Ennoshita murmured. He didn't mean to say it aloud, but everyone had heard. And Tsukishima sighed, "[L/N] is actually a well-known mercenary... but you probably know her by her previous character's name." You tilted your head and you countered, "I wasn't that well-known." "You were mercenary of the week for three weeks within the first two months the game came out," Kenma retorted, clearly bothered by how humble you were. And you shrugged, "Hey, but that's pre-guild." "Wait, so what's her name?" Hinata asked, clearly intrigued. You laughed, "Sorry I didn't properly introduce myself to you Hinata. I really am [L/N], but my previous character was called Ying." There was a collective gasp and "Eh?!" and  "What?!" in the air and you scratched the back your neck awkwardly. And Hinata turned to Kenma, "I don't recognize her name." Kenma sighed, and he calmly patted Hinata's shoulder, "It's okay Shouyou. You don't have to." "Eh?!" Hinata whined and he pouted. But I want to know!