#struggling with personal issues and mental issues and school issues and like. SO MANY ISSUES????? HOW

[cheriladycl01]

Kinktober 02/10/2024 Logan Sargeant- Public Sex

Plot: Logan and you go out clubbing after he is replaced in Williams and both have a few to many Tequila sunrises.

Warnings: Kinktober, SMUT, Public sex, Public fingering, in a club setting, in an alleyway etc 18+ MInors DNI

Logan wasn’t a risky person. He was actually the boy next door, never did anything wrong, always super sweet and never stepped out of his comfort zone.

He struggled in Williams, they didn’t have the best car and mixed with communication issues between himself and the team 2024 didn’t start of great. That was also because James Vowles was a knob who decided to convince Carlos Sainz to join Williams starting all the way back in 2023.

But now Logan was out of a seat and with the dwindling number of seats in F1 he surely wouldn’t get a seat back there anytime soon. So he started looking at other racing series, he even started looking into NASCAR but he was also at the point where he was now mentally checked out from racing.

Not completely but he did need a massive break from all the pressure on his head.

So of course being the loving doting and awesome girlfriend you are, you travelled with him. You guys went to Disney, travelled to watch the race in Baku, went to Japan and said fuck Williams in Singapore and then you ended up back in America before the Austin GP.

You went out clubbing with all of his friends from school, and some people who didn’t make it out of the feeder series like he did. You guys were enjoying your night. But the more one of you would drink, the more the other one would.

You were going back and forth from the bar taking it in turns while other people were also chipping in and buying you drinks. So by 2am, you were both outrageously drunk singing (actually screaming) along to Vigilante and Ready for it, as Logan of course is in his Reputation Era.

“Baby you look so fucking hot tonight I could fuck you right here” he groans as you take seat in his lap in a booth of the area of the club you guys are in.

“Omg fucking do it” you say leaning into him.

“Yeah, you want me to touch you in front of all these people?” He says kissing up your collarbone, across your neck, up your jaw and just before your ear.

“You wanna show all these people how pretty you are when I’m inside you. Argh that face you make?” He slurs and you nod turning round to lean into him more and sloppily kissing every inch of his face.

“Baby please I need you!” You moan into him, his hands grip your hips spinning you round so your facing him and straddling over his thigh.

“Im gonna make you cum so hard pretty girl” he moans kissing you lightly before slipping his tongue all the way in. His hand travels down in between the two of you, going up the little sparkly mini skirt you had on and straight into your underwear.

“Ah Logan” you moan leaning closer into him as his thumb makes circle motions on your clit. To anyone who looked you guys just looked like a horny couple having a steamy make out in the corner of the club, and there were many people who did look, and further took pics and you were probably in the back of others videos.

But that didn’t cross neither yours or Logan’s mind.

His fingers went deeper and his was thrusting his hand rapidly in and out. He made sure to keep his lips on yours to try drown out your drunken moans, even though the music was doing that anyway.

“Your so gorgeous like this, how’d I get so lucky. My god, beautiful girl” he moans and before you know it your arms are hugging round him pulling him close as you shake and clench around his fingers buried deep in you and still moving to ride out your high.

You sat there, trying to calm down just as a few of Logan’s friends joined you in the booth. Logan quickly pulled his fingers out, licking your juices off them before pulling your hair back and moving you to sit next to him, saying pulling your underwear back over to cover you up from the leather of the club booth.

You both seemed to slowly forget what you’d just done in the club, it was pretty scandalous for Logan so it made sense you both sort of had drunk a lot more since doing it.

Eventually you guys needed to leave, you ended up behind the back of the club in a quiet but not vacant alleyway that backed into some houses.

Logan immediately pushed you against the wall hitching your leg up and pushing himself into you making you gasp.

“You’ve been so persistent all night baby, you frustrated from earlier?” You ask knowing he hadn’t let go any of his pent up tension it was all still brewing.

“Mmmmm I want to be inside of you right now against this wall” he moans as he starts to hump into you at a feverish pace, whining and moaning as he does.

“Baby come on let’s wait till we get home huh?” You say with a small moan as his jeans brushed against your clothed clit. It felt good, so good but you could feel the exhaustion slowly take over.

“I can’t wait baby, you got your fun in there let me have mine out here” he complains and before you know it he’s unzipping his jeans and pulling himself out of them.

“Fine but make it quick” you gruff out noticing he’s already pulling your panties to the side and lifting you up to hold you against the wall as your legs naturally wrap round his waist.

He slips in so easily and a sigh of relief comes from him. He holds you up using the wall to help him keep you in place as he’s not at him most stable right now.

“Oh my god Logan” you moan, a hand coming up to cover your mouth not wanting anyone to hear from the rooms above.

“Ah baby, so good. Fuck you’re so tight” he says pumping in and out of you. Your back is arched against the wall and your hair is getting caught in all the brick work that’s started to wear away.

“So so close baby, keep squeezing me” he groans as your walls clamp around him even tighter than earlier.

“I love you so much Logan, fuck keep going” you moans loudly your head leaning back against the wall. This is the first time you decided to look round a little and you notice there are some people walking past the end of the alley way.

“Im gonna cum baby” he moans into you forcing himself further against you leaning your fully back against the wall and you feel him paint your walls. You’re immediately releasing that coil in your own stomach, letting all of your body weight relax into Logan.

“L-let’s get home” he sighs pulling out of you and tucking himself back into his shorts.

“You’ve never done anything like that Sargeant, what’s gotten into you” you laugh pulling your skirt back down.

“The drinks for sure, we’ll wake up tomorrow with questions, maybe even some scandalous articles” he jokes and he takes your hand to start to walk you guys home.

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[cupidvision]

𝒑𝒂𝒄- 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

about this pac: this will tell you what your future child is going to be like. it was meant to be for babies, but i got more teenager energy from this!

—> how to choose? close your eyes, clear your mind, and open your intuition. then think about the numbers, the images, the feeling they gives you. then choose 💗

banners by @fairytopea @princessantisocial @dollywons @h-aewo

1->2

3->4

pile 1

signs: 3, 1, 16, cancer, earth sign, water signs, chaotic energy

3 of cups reversed, page of pentacles reversed, ace of cups, the tower

so your child is going to definitely be a wild child. they love partying, following the crowd, and may struggle with independence. they may also be a little ungrateful at times, or just act as if they are ungrateful. i’m seeing though, they have a lot of love and compassion on their heart, they just might struggle with being around people who also portray that. i’m seeing that the age i’m talking about is their teenage years, so 13-18. but i am seeing as a child they were full of love, feelings, creativity, intuition, etc. as they got older though, that changed. they could be going through a harsh wake up call during that time in their life, or i’m seeing that they’ll go from a sweet loving child to suddenly a rebel

other things about this child: feminine energy, light brunette, straight hair, beauty, 5’7

pile 2

signs: 6,7, 21, pisces, aquarius, gemini, scorpio, saturn, smarty pants, positive energy

king of cups, the lovers, the world, 7 of cups

the first thing i heard in my head was “smarty pants” so they may be good in school or just very smart in general. one thing is for sure, they are emotionally intelligent, empathetic, and they like having things in their life organized or under control. they’re easy to get along with, they’re not a problem child, or a child you will have to worry about. they may have a lot of love in their heart as well and when they’re grown, i’m seeing they will definitely be partner and marriage material. they will accomplish many things in life, they may also love going on trips with you. they are someone who would like to know their purpose, and someone who is driven to figure out their purpose

other things about this child: masculine, blonde hair, short haircut, taller (5’8-5’9)

pile 3

signs: 2,5,4, scorpio, taurus, gemini, aries, the moon, mental issues

the high priestesses, 5 of cups, king of swords, 4 ot wands reversed

the first things i thought is that this child could possibly have issues. specifically mental illness. with the 5 of cups being here, this often represents, failure, pessimism, grief, etc. they might suffer from depression, or anxiety. feelings that they’re not enough. as well as 4 of wands in reversed being here, feeling like you don’t have a home and struggling to communicate. so if or when you ask them what’s wrong, they can have a hard time communicating what their feeling and thinking. with that being said, this child actually has amazing qualities about them. they’re morally correct, have a good intuition, and are highly acknowledgeable. they’re also a honest person, who’s logical and quite disciplined

other things about this child: masculine, longer nails, darker hair, wears hoodies or clothes that cover their body, serious resting face

pile 4

signs: 7, 3, 20, scorpio, leo, virgo, cancer, pluto, excitable

7 of cups, king of pentacles reversed, 3 of cups reversed, judgement

i’m seeing that this child is quite imaginative, and might be a little delusional. they also have a problem with over indulging in things. so when they pick up a habit, it’s not just a little habit, it’s that habit to it’s most extreme extent. they may also like partying, but might feel alone deep down. they could be stubborn as well. they can also be greedy and can care a lot about what their peers think. they also have to keep up with the fashion trends, and they also need to seem like they’re rich, etc. status means a lot to them, i’m seeing that they will have a rude awakening to this behavior though. so, this period of “i need to be like my peers” is temporary and not an issue they will always struggle with. i’m seeing that they might’ve tarnished their reputation with you as a parent, but they will work for a redemption and will want forgiveness. i’m also seeing they could be a very forgiving person after this awakening

other things about this child: feminine energy, long hair, darker colored hair, average height (5’4-5’6)

[mentallystrawberry]

Shout out to the other chronically mentally ill systems who’s disorders and traumas have severely impacted your quality of life and functioning

shout out to polyfragmented or complex and highly complex did systems

shout out to the systems who are RAMCOA survivors, childhood sexual abuse survivors, or childhood torture survivors

shout out to systems diagnosed with other comorbid mental disorders

shout out specifically to systems with BPD🫂

shout out to systems who have lost relationships with people because of your mental health

shout out to the systems struggling with substance abuse issues or addiction

shout out to the systems who’ve been in and out of mental hospitals

shout out to fellow black systems and other poc systems with many intersecting marginalized identities

shout out to systems who can’t attend in real life school or are graduating late due to their mental health

shout out to the systems who can’t get a job or a drivers license

shout out to the systems who lost their childhood and teenage years due to constant mental health struggles

shout out to systems who have to take multiple medications for their disorders

shout out to the lonely systems who can hardly ever leave their homes and build friendships

shout out to the systems that struggle with the scars their sh addictions leave

shout out to systems who can’t take care of themselves without needing support

try to keep in mind that you are not the average persons, so we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be able to function just like the average person would. know you are all loved and are trying your best to navigate a society that wasn’t designed with poc and disabled or neurodivergent people in mind. i wish you systems the bestest recovery possible and i’m sending much love and support.

[yaseraphine]

Why I don't really like the 12th house. / observations

How I perceive the 12th house, my real life observations on it and why I don’t really like it 

TW : mention of anx!ety, d€pressi0n, self-und0ing attempt, mental he@lth issu€s, pan!c att@cks

(Sorry in advance for the constant cens0r!ng, I don't want to run the risk of getting shadowbanned like it almost happened before)

In december and january of 2023/2024 I was having 12th house transits (Mars then Venus). This is what I wrote on my notes app about the negative experience I had :

I am currently having 12th house transits at the time (Mars then Venus) and I've been so much sleepier and prone to irrational, unexplainable stress. Like I wake up and I am still tired bruhh I hate it as a Mars Dom I usually instantly and really easily wake up in the morning so it's frustrating because I feel less productive and sloppier and daydreamy but in a bad way. 

Why I don't really like the 12th house...

I genuinely don't understand the "hype" (if we can even use that word) around the 12th house. When I first got into astrology, I saw so many posts about it saying how magical it was, how special it is to have placements in this house, how it means that you have a higher purpose than others, how you are so sensitive, an empath...And I have to say, yes, of course, some of it is true. However, it is clearly a more romantisized description of the 12th house. This idea of a romantisized version of the house was then overtime validated by the fact that every single person that I've met with 12th house placements/stelliums were far from living this almost fantasy like description. In fact, these positive traits seem to be rarely easily expressed for people who haven't studied astrolgy to get to know themselves better and understand their purpose. The people that I know with these placements were mostly d€pressed, too nice, had anx!ety attacks, insomn!as , and sleepless nights. It is honestly such a lonely house. Having these placements in the capitalistic utilitarist world we live in is sadly more of a curse than a blessing...

People I know with 12th house stelliums/ placements

• One of my friends has a 12th house stellium, her Sun in Taurus, Moon in Gemini and Mercury in Aries being there (the sign of the house is aries). She also has an Aries North node in the 12th house.

She always felt overstimulated and often told me that sometimes she didn't know if what she was thinking was really her own thoughts or other people's. She also had this obsession, or more so obsessive fear, with the idea of having to/ being forced to "sacrif!ce herself" for other people, for a job, for school,.. We often discussed this fear of hers and she would tell me this "why do people think we necesseraly have to suffer in life ? Why is struggle and suffering so normalised ? I don't want to sacrifice myself to achieve something, i don't want to purposefully inflect myself pain to live ? This is so weird to think that suffering is inevitable if you want to survive or live. That it's a normal part of life and that we should all be agreeing with it"

She is really empathetic and sweet but sometimes becomes all of a sudden defensive and passive-aggressive. She is also often anx!ous and as a result doesn't eat or sleep correctly.

Another one of my high school friends, less close, has a 12th house stellium in Aries (Sun, Moon, Mercury and Venus). He also has a North node in Aries in the 12th house.

Because I am/was not really as close with him as i am with the previous friend, i can moslty only share my impressions and assumptions from the interactions i had with him. I think it's interesting to say that his energy really stood out to me. He had sleepy eyes and a melancolic aura that reminded me of 19th century poets. If you know about Arthur Rimbaud, there's this one picture where he seems to look away. He basically looked like he was permanently captured by an old antique camera. His energy felt like what sepia looks like if that makes sense. He also had green or blue eyes (i don't exactly remember) that emphasazied the impression that he was mourning for something permanently. They were wondering, pensive almost sorrowful.

He was really gentle with people. His friends often said he was like a teddy bear, despite being almost 2meters tall. It's interesting to point out too that he was a gym bro. I think he would go to the gym probably 6 times a week sometimes, yet was so nice and calm. He wasn't acting like a cringy alpha male, which is pretty surprising for a cis heterosexual gym bro man with an Aries Sun, stellium and North node.

I think part of it is the 12th house influence that toned down this energy a bit, and instead of being selfish like a regualr aries, he was more selfless. He was always respectful towards women and never shamed people. However, he had a lot of insecurities and felt kind of helpless regarding fixing certain problems in his life. He was sometimes a bit too passive, and wasn't too comfortable when met with conflicting energies or situations that required decisive reactions.

My sister has Lilith in the 12th house and her subconscious thought processes can become easily extremely s€lf destructive. She was diagnosed with severe depr€ssion and had to go to the mental h0spital once after doing a self-vndo!ng attempt. When her symptoms were still intense and she was still struggling a lot, she had to go to see a psychiatr!st and a therap!st on a weekly basis. It was a scary and crazy time. Until this day, she still has terrible sleeping patterns, many ins0mn!as, and often has pan!c att@cks. I distinctively remember one time it was so intense I thought she really was going to pass aw@y. She also used to have (and still a little) a huge victim complex, where she felt like she was condamned and doomed to live a miserable life, and that she is deeply misunderstood.

What drove me to come on here is a new student that I have met in college this year. We instantly clicked then she told me she was an Aquarius with an Aquarius rising and a Sagittarius moon. 3 of her personal planets fall in the 12th house, which means that, just like the two friends I have mentioned, she has a stellium. She then went on to explain to me how she was diagnosed with an anx!ety dis0rd€r. She said that she used to have, at some point, three pretty intense panic attacks on a daily basis. She told me that when she saw a therap!st for an appointment, the th€rap!st was shocked and said that it was probably one of the worst cases she has ever dealt with (update 21/10/24 : she actually didn't say that it was one of the worst cases of her career, she was just genuinely shocked at how my friend was able to survive living like this for such a long time).

This made me realize that there is definitely a theme with the 12th house surrounding chaotic sleeping patterns, restlessness, overthinking, numbness, emptiness, hightened anx!ety, melancolic tendancies, s€lf-sacrif¡ce and depr€ssi0n.

All of that to say that this house is somehow terrifying to me. I get the fascination for it. I just find it too eerie in a way. My chart, despite being a Sagittarius rising, is filled with fixed and cardinal signs. Pluto is prominent in my chart as it is thigtly conjunct my ascendant, so I don't behave and move through life like a stereotypical Sagittarius rising. On top of that, I have an 8th house stellium in Leo... I need to have control over things and situations, my ego is strong (i am working on it lol) and it is hard for me to surrender.

Therefore, the hyper mutable energy of the 12th house, its uncertainty and blurriness, gives me "anx!ety" and unsettles me. I never know what a 12th houser really thinks and neither do they themselves in a way. My fixed *ss finds that so stress inducing. I like when things are made direct and clear, but nothing about this house is direct nor clear.

[wolftarotcrafts]

I hope something resonates with you and you can find this helpful. ❤️

Pile One

Hey pile one already off the bat, I am getting love. If you have been single for a while, I definitely see you coming into union with someone. For some of you, this person is from your past, like a friend or an ex. If it is someone from the past, there is no bad blood, there is no toxic energy. For people who have been single for a while or for those of you who have never been in a relationship, I think you need to go back out there or finally go out there and meet new people. For whatever situation you are in, the advice is to be adventurous and embrace love. I am getting a romantic type of love, but for those that don't want that or aren't searching for that right now, the advice still stands by spending time with people that make you happy and loved, like friends and family. For others of you, the advice is to give that person a call or text, make a dating profile, take a class, you might even unexpected someone unexpectedly. Be adventurous and step out of your comfort zone and spread love every step of the way. I see many of you reconnecting or meeting someone special. Take the leap.

Extra : 4, 6, 8, 28, 35, music, songs, friend, dating, union, soulmate, proposal, eyes, younger, déjà vu, divine masculine, single, Aquarius, Scorpio Back to you by Louis Tomlinson ft Bebe Rexha.

Pile Two

Hi pile two. I see many of you are struggling emotionally and mentally. Many of you are under stress and have anxiety about something. I see for some of you this has to do with work or school. You feel overwhelmed by something, possibly a promotion, financial issues like debt, or finals. I feel for some of you there is a decision that needs to be made, but you feel at a crossroads and may be asking for signs. You don't know what direction you want to go in. I can see some of you just prolonging your hurt by keeping yourself trapped. Change will always find you, no matter how much you run. It will eventually catch up. Don't stress about things that you can't change or fix, because you will only be wasting your time. I do see many of you pulling yourselves up from the hole that you are in. Success is in reach. It's up to you to not give up and keep working towards your goals. And for some of you, you may find that you want to do a different career, and only you know what's best for you. Don't listen to what others want because it's your life, so live it. I want you to take three deep breaths and take out a journal about what you are feeling. Whatever thought you are having, whatever may weigh on your heart and mind. It's all up to you. 

Extra: 3, 6, 31, signs, toxic tendencies, sad, moving, decision, North America, Europe, A, Sagittarius, Aries, Scorpio, Aquarius, Leo, June, hardworking, journal, Sing the movie, "You know the good thing about hitting rock bottom; there's only one way left to go, and that's up."

Pile Three

Hello pile three, I see many of you. You need a push. There is something that you want to do, like start a business, start a new job, change career paths, go to school, start a new art project, write songs, or start a project. You are feeling inspired and energized, and you need to grab that feeling and nurture it. Feel the inspiration and use it. Go for whatever you want, and don't let it pass you by. If you want something in life, then go get it. If you fail or there are setbacks, you have to be brave enough to laugh at yourself and get back up. You are always going to stumble because, guess what? You are human, and as humans, we are always going to have things go wrong. You are the captain of your own ship, and every day is not going to be smooth sailing. Confidence is going to be your best friend, and I want you to always remember that you are good enough, no matter who tells you otherwise, because there will always be people who want to blow out your lights, but you will just have to show them and shine brighter. Now get up and go after what you want. 

Signs: Remember This NF, "You want something in life, then why don't you go and get it?" leadership, balance, meditation, and strength. 

[plutonian-moon]

random astro

observations p6 !! ☆° ✩࿐

take what resonates leave what doesn't!!

▪2H aqua/cap (both saturn ruled) can have bad self esteem !!tw : ed!! : they can even struggling with food & body image !!end of tw!! ☆

▪we 12th housers need alone time to process thoughts and feelings ! ☆

▪4H gemini/IC-mercury/4H mercury can mean that u r oversharing family issues that u have or ur childhood trauma ☆

▪mutable dominants can changing their personality alot even without meaning this its just comes naturally to them !! ☆

▪u cant change minds peoples who r fixed dominants lmao ☆

▪3H uranus/aquarius mercury/mercury-uranus have very chaotic minds ☆

▪3H moons/gemini moons wants venting 2 someone when feeling bad about how they r feeling or just about this situation 2 feel better or u maybe like writing ur feelings alot bc this can help u ! ☆

▪3H placements (esp venus) + gemini placements in big 6 have pretty hands ☆

▪4H saturns/4H cap have parents that never allow u to have fun bc they were very strict :-( ☆

▪pisces placemets/stelliums can have artistic gifts ! ☆

▪5H is telling u about ur hobbies so here r some examples which hobbies u can have based of ur 5H placement/s , 5H cusp + 5H ruler :

5H pisces/5H neptune - drawing, spirituality/occultism, paranormal things, psychology, music, astrology, numerology ☆

5H gemini/5H virgo/5H mercury - writing, literature, history, sociology, mbti (u can like finding who u r bc u can struggle with this or just 4 fun) also with 5H virgo im thing of health relating topics like u can b very interested in reading about mental health issues for example also u can b very picky about ur hobby hmm with 5H gemini u can change ur hobby alot or have many hobby at once lolol and u can be very open 2 new hobbies ! ☆

5H scorpio/5H pluto - occultism, psychology, criminology, taboo topics (traumas etc), astrology, mbti, horror movies/games, with this placement u can b secretive about ur hobbies or only small group of peoples close 2 u know about them yea ☆

5H libra/5H taurus/5H venus - fashion, designing clothes, makeup, drawing ☆

5H sagittarius/5H jupiter - learnings new languages, others countries/cultures, philosophy and u can also b very open to trying new hobbies i think its just mutable signs energy lol ☆

5H aquarius/5H uranus - games, astrology, mbti, hmm im thinking of some unique hobby with aquarius energy like ur hobbies can be very different from others peoples ☆

▪aquarius placements/dominants can makes that u will fighting for lgbt+ rights etc u just cant stand homophobic, racism etc !

▪6H uranus + 10H uranus can changing their jobs alot ☆

▪u can relate to ur draconic chart more if u dont relate to ur natal chart ☆

▪persona charts can tell u alot more about specific placement than looking ONLY in this placement in ur natal chart ☆

▪12th house rules hidden enemies .. when u r like me 12th houser then u need to b careful with peoples bc they can b ur hidden enemies hmm (esp when u have 12h sun, 12h mercury, 12h venus, 12h lilith, 12h pluto, 12h mars) ..

when u have for example ☆ :

mercury in 12h then ur hidden enemies can be peoples that r "friends" with u .. they will b just faking that they like u but .. they will b secretly hate u and talk shit about u .. ☆

▪when u r 12th houser then peoples energy can draining u alot .. so thats why its important 2 have alone time ! ☆

▪chiron in 1h, 4h, 7h and 10h can makes that others easly see ur pain (this can apply also 2 asc-chiron and sun-chiron peoples (esp. conjunctions) ☆

▪virgo 2h/aquarius 2h r picky when it comes 2 eating food ☆

▪3h also rules school hmm ur 3h sign + 3h ruler sign and house + aspects can give u how u r in school, how others see u in school !! ALSO CHECK 3H PLANETS IF U HAVE ANY ! ☆

[mania-sama]

A Look into Mental Health: Jujutsu Kaisen Analysis

"Being a child is not a sin." (Nanami Kento, Jujutsu Kaisen)

With the release of Chapter 251, I've seen many horrible takes from dudebros saying that Megumi has "sold" the team. This makes me unreasonably angry because of course it does, so obviously my next plan of action is to take all of my hour-long rants about the mental health of JJK characters and put it here, where said dudebros will never see my (correct) analysis in their entire life. Oh well.

One thing Gege is really, really good at is creating believable, undeniably human, and complex characters. Every character has a different set of motivations, beliefs, ideals, and especially mental states. The constant theme of Jujutsu Kiasen has been "Strength vs Weakness". While the clearest interpretation can be seen through the physical attributes of the characters (Gojo being the strongest sorcerer of his time due to his abilities, and Miwa being one of the weakest, again, due to her abilities), it is also directly applied to the mental strength of characters. No two characters are able to withstand the same trauma and come out the exact same, just as no two real people can process the same trauma. Not only is it a result of nature, as people are genetically different and therefore process information differently, but a product of nurture - in other words, character motivation and environment.

This is where we come to the current state of the manga, Chapter 251. The fated Yuuji vs Megumi debate. I keep seeing people wildly misunderstanding these two, and why it's so important that Megumi isn't standing up to fight, why he isn't able to handle his trauma, when Yuuji can.

Gege writes phenomenal characters. And I want to express just how well done they are, making Jujutsu Kaisen actually kind of deserve its popularity, because some people only care about power scaling. I'm going to touch on Megumi last, because understanding all of the other characters' makes his visible struggle that much more impactful.

1. Geto Suguru

I want to start this mental health analysis with Geto. He is the best representation of depression I've ever seen in Shonen. It doesn't take a hundred chapters to showcase a character's downfall. It doesn't take a hundred significant events to cause a character to break down. Gege shows the best, realistic mental breakdown using only a handful of chapters, and still makes it slow and painful.

Depression can start because of a big event, but it doesn't take more for it to worsen. Untreated, depression runs a vicious course that eats a person through slowly but effectively. It isn't one screaming session, hands clutched over the head and cursing God and the world. It's everything piled onto each other. It's coming to the end of that pile and realizing that nothing will ever change.

This is Geto Suguru's story. He has a big event: the fight with Toji and the failure to save Riko. But his mental health journey was fated to decline, even without the fight and failure. The root issue of his depression came from his ability: Cursed Spirit Manipulation. As long as he kept devouring the embodiment of every vile, human emotion, the more he would lose himself to that vileness. He wasn't changing anything; he couldn't help but continue to swim in negativity because that's all he could do.

Gege wasn't making a commentary on Geto's ability. He was talking about people, as they are, and how staying in a bad situation will not always make you stronger. It can, and most likely will, make you worse. A direct comparison to the sixteen-year-old Geto would be a sixteen-year-old at school, surrounded by people who bully and pick on them with harsh words. The kid will eventually consume all of that bullying, all of that negativity, into their being, because there is simply nowhere else to go. School is mandatory; they can't just leave. They eventually feel isolated, with all that vileness piled on. Even if they have friends, those people could never understand what it's like to put up with humiliation and cruelty day after day.

It's not rational to push away a support system, but who said human beings are always rational? People make mistakes. They don't make the right decisions. Geto didn't. He saw someone offer him a chance at change, a possible light at the top of his pile and twisted it to match his overwhelming negativity. He left and swore to destroy the world that made him the way he is, just as that bullied child may turn away from school and society in whatever form that may take.

I want to touch on the physical aspects of Geto's depression, too. I noted this in a previous analysis I did on him (his character is just that amazing, what can I say?), but Gege knew that the mind can't be affected alone. Geto was drawn with deep eyebags, a nod to an inability to sleep or needing to sleep all the time. Depression makes you tired all the time. Everything becomes difficult. He sits with his back hunched, resting his weight on his knees, like sitting upright is too hard. When someone speaks to him, he blinks and takes a second too long to look over or respond, like speaking takes too much energy. To me, it even looked like he was becoming thinner. It's extremely difficult to maintain a schedule of exercise and mealtimes when your mind is fighting an active war against itself.

Again, a beautiful representation of depression. Geto means a lot to me in this aspect.

2. Gojo Satoru

In comparison to Geto, Gojo's horrible mental health is a lot subtler. Depression isn't the correct term, but you don't have to be depressed to be sad. Sadness is his stagnant state; he has moments of bliss, goals to work towards, a reason to keep going, to continue living, to continue chasing the sun over the horizon, but he does return to the same place he is always at when the lights turn off and he's painfully reminded of this one fact: he is isolated.

All of Gojo's problems start and end with isolation. From the moment he was born, everyone knew he was different. He knew he was different. Through glimpses of his childhood and honestly reading between the lines, it's obvious he never played with kids his age. People don't just develop a superiority complex with their only drive to be better than literally everyone else for no other reason than to get better. It comes from somewhere, and in Gojo's case, it's from his young childhood. It seriously messed him up; even now, he can't shake the lesson that "Strength is the only way to success and happiness".

This is what made Geto so important. Geto was somebody who could share the burden of being the strongest. Geto was someone his age who understood him in a way Shoko could not, though they both were able to see Gojo beyond his capabilities as a Jujutsu sorcerer. Gojo then had somebody to base his moral principles on. Because he couldn't connect with anybody else, he had no basis other than strength. Geto taught him why it was important for the strong to protect the weak.

Then everything went wrong. Gojo became isolated again in his strength and lost the only person who could plausibly stand with him. "Are you the strongest because you're Gojo Satoru, or are you Gojo Satoru because you're the strongest?" Gojo was young, then, and fresh-faced into his newfound godhood. He didn't kill Geto in that moment because he wanted to deny the claim that he is nothing without his strength, that he isn't as shallow as he was raised to be.

But he knew better. He grew older, he killed his best friend, and he realized that he was nothing without his strength. He never got over Geto. In order to cope with the guilt of being unable to save him when he left, he adopted a whole kid, thinking that if he wasn't strong enough to save Geto, maybe he could save Megumi. But there it is all over again - he never broke from the cycle of strength defining his worth. Saving Megumi would define his strength, right? It would prove Geto wrong, right? He raised Megumi under the same logic (that the only way to save his sister is to be strong), only ridding the boy of the crushing isolation.

In this way, Gojo isn't mentally weak. He didn't abandon society and everyone who loved him, instead choosing to hone the trauma of his isolated childhood into a weapon and teach the next generation to be better than himself. He isn't depressed, but he isn't happy. You can't be happy if you're alone all of the time. He hoped Megumi could be someone to stand by him, but in the end, he failed to save Megumi. His strength couldn't save him, just as it couldn't save Geto.

He isn't mentally strong. He isn't weak, either. He is horribly, painfully average. He's not weak enough to be saved, but not strong enough to save others. His childhood plagues him, but not to the point where it prevents him from living. He killed Geto but was unable to bury the body. Gojo is everything he never wanted to be.

As it turns out, strength can't buy you happiness. Gojo may have understood that, but he couldn't abandon it, even to the bitter end. Just as a human struggles to shed their conditioning. Not everyone can break the cycle, but we are always trying our best to work with what we've been dealt.

3. Okkotsu Yuuta

I'm putting Yuuta in between Gojo & Geto and Itadori & Megumi because he is, in a way, a bridge between the two. Geto and Gojo have lived their lives; their stories are complete and ended in tragedy. Itadori and Megumi's are not. They are still actively struggling and fighting their physical and mental battles; their stories have yet to be completed.

Yuuta's story isn't technically completed (ignoring everything that happened in the recent chapter with him for the sake of MY mental health), he is still a success story. He is the average protagonist who started from the bottom and ended up at the top. Only he, as Gege has done time and time again, has a slightly stronger focus on mental health than most other Shonen. He is success where Gojo & Geto failed, and the success that Itadori & Megumi are narratively striving for.

At the beginning, Yuuta was depressed and suicidal. He was bullied at school and involuntarily hurting others. Instead of becoming resentful of the world, he pushed all of the vileness inward. His guilt caused him to try to take his life, presumably multiple times, but Rika stopped him before he could succeed. His life was effectively out of his hands; he felt powerless with all of the bodies stacking around him, and he couldn't atone for "his" actions.

His mental health, as it was, was in shambles. Gojo then offered him a way forward. Yuuta's mental health did not improve overnight. It was when he made friends at Jujutsu High, and developed a support system, that he was able to relieve his anxiety and realize that life is not so bad after all. That all of this pain and suffering and loss - it will pass.

The most important thing to acknowledge when it comes to Yuuta is the sheer fact that he was not alone, nor did he allow himself to be alone. Unlike Gojo, who still had Shoko and Nanami after Geto left but refused to connect with them, Yuuta allowed himself to get close to those around him. They didn't know the suffering he'd undergone for so many years. They didn't know what it was like to be him, but that was okay. He knew that they had empathy, that even though they could never experience his life, they could still be there for him now when he falls.

When given the opportunity to surrender, Yuuta stands in the face of one Geto Suguru and swears to protect his friends and fight with Rika. He's so far removed from the boy who tried to kill himself at the beginning of the manga, and that's because he let himself be changed. He did not succumb. He had friends, he knew. People that would miss him if he left, and people whom he would regret leaving.

This stays consistent with his character. He doesn't let himself become isolated in his strength or his experiences. He's much stronger than everyone else in the room, he's a special grade and he knows that, but he still treats everyone like they are equals. Like they are his friends, like they are people who could share this burden of existence with him. This is something that Gojo couldn't accomplish, which lends to the fact that Gojo had a very off-hand teaching method when it came to mentoring Yuuta. Instead of influencing him under this idea of strength conquers all, he let Yuuta develop far away from the ideals of the Japanese Jujutsu Society.

And, in the end, the fact of him being physically strong - a special-grade sorcerer from the get-go - never helped him in his mental health. In fact, it made him miserable until he learned to get a handle on Rika. His winning or losing that fight with Geto wasn't the point of his character, it was reckoning with the fact that he is okay now. That he can embrace the ugly part of him with dignity instead of guilt.

4. Itadori Yuuji

Itadori's entire character is that he has an unbreakable spirit. As the only one who can bear the soul of Sukuna, he started off like Yuuta, only on the opposite end of the mental health spectrum. When we first see him, he's happy, spending his afternoons with the Occult Club and watching movies.

... What happened?

Like Geto, everything piled on very slowly. So slow that I'm not even sure he felt the true effects of everything he experienced up until the fall of Shibuya. It starts with the death of grandfather, whose parting words "Just save as many people as you can" haunt him even now during the final fight with Sukuna. He was never given time to properly grieve his grandfather, just as he never had time to grieve the brother curses, Junpei, Nanami, Nobara, Gojo, Higurama. At the end of it all, when the fighting is over, I have to wonder what will become of the boy that realizes he's lost most of the people he loved.

The one time he did try to process it, when he realized that he couldn't control Sukuna, was when he broke down in Shibuya. Sukuna leveled an entire city. For the boy who never wanted to kill another human being for fear of devaluing life, the weight of his weakness killing thousands was crushing. Then Nanami died. Nobara died (still hanging onto that unknown status but I digress). Both are right in front of him, and powerless to prevent Mahito from disintegrating their bodies. So, obviously, Itadori broke down. The boy with the unshakeable spirit, the only person who could contain the King of Curses, has his psyche completely shattered.

He laid on the ground, and he wouldn't have gotten back up if there wasn't somebody to help him, to be there with him. Todo pulled him back together, stitched back up the broken into somebody who has allies and people to fight for. Itadori has the success that Yuuta had, only Itadori did not come out of it with better mental health.

After the breakdown, his unshakeable spirit was nothing more than the will to keep fighting. He cares little for himself, and he tries to distance himself from people to prevent them from dying from his cursed hands. He is jumping, quickly, down the same rabbit hole that Geto fell down. One big event, and they realize just how tall the pile already is, and that it will never stop growing. Unlike Geto, however, he continues to get overbearing support from those around him. Against his will. He can't push them away, for they refuse to leave his side. Yuuta, Choso, Megumi, even Higurama. They won't let him fall. This makes him better off than someone alone, in a sense. He can withstand his trauma when others may not.

Even so, even so, there is only so much support, the lack of self-isolation, can do when the traumas keep actively repeating. When he says that he will gladly die to defeat Sukuna, it is not said with the same tone that another Shonen protagonist would say it. Take Naruto for example. If he were to go into a battle to protect, say, Sasuke, he would scream, "I'll die to protect him." We understand that his willpower is stronger than his self-preservation, but we don't get the idea that he actively wants to die. He'll die if he has to. Now, Itadori says the same thing, but about saving Megumi. He says, "I'll gladly die." There is something different. His willpower is leaps and bounds stronger than his self-preservation, but that's not only it. There is an undercurrent of severe suicidal ideation prevalent in Itadori's tone. It's not that he will die to win, it's that a part of him wants for this to be his final fight. For it all to be over. To save Megumi, then atone for the sin of being too weak to save Shibuya, or being unable to stop the Culling Games, or letting Megumi get hurt when all he wanted was to keep him safe.

I'd call it more along the lines of passive suicidal ideation. He doesn't plan to kill himself, but what would it mean for him to go into dangerous situations without protection? What would it mean for him to succumb to his wounds after he wakes Megumi's soul and kills Sukuna? To not even try to seek medical attention? He's guilty. He believes everything that happened in Shibuya and after is his fault. When faced with the executioner's sword, he was ready to die for his sins, if not for the goal of ending the Games. There is a fine line between willing to die for those you love versus wanting to die for those you love.

Right now, Itadori is fighting to save one person, like his grandfather said. He is not fighting to survive. And that's what people fail to understand about Itadori when they compare him to the other members of the cast. These power-scaling dudebros don't understand that their favorite OP main character has fallen apart at the seams, that his unshakeable spirit to save people doesn't include himself.

5. Fushiguro Megumi

Here we finally come to the question: Why can Itadori take it when Megumi can't? There is a very similar quote that you probably think of whenever you hear this question asked. It's from The Outsiders: "Dally is tougher than I am. Why can I take it when Dally can't?" The answer to this question that Ponyboy gives is the same we can attribute to Megumi. "And then I knew. Johnny was the only thing Dally loved. And now Johnny was gone."

The entire reason Megumi became a Jujutsu sorcerer was to protect his sister. When he was five years old and probably too young to understand most of the words Gojo said, he accepted the offer of training to become a sorcerer in exchange for Tsumiki's happiness. Every day, he fought to protect her. He only had one goal in entering the Culling Games: to prevent Tsumiki from having to participate.

It's easy to attribute Megumi's constant attempts at summoning Mahoraga to a lack of will to live - suicidal ideation, the same that Itadori now experiences. On one hand, I do understand that he has a fundamental lack of care for his own life, but on the other, I don't think that he intends to throw it all away every single time. He just didn't know any better. Ignorance can lead to death as easily as intentionally seeking it out. That's why he changes his habit after Gojo gives him a lesson in risking death versus dying to win; Megumi still has someone to live for, after all.

Megumi's mental health was already rocky from the start. Not that it was in shambles like Yuuta, but he wasn't fully stable. Like a lot of teenagers, he's moody, somewhat reclusive, and only really likes one or two people maximum. Teenagers aren't known for their sunshine mental health anyway.

Megumi was given time to grieve Itadori after he first died. This trauma of losing him in front of his eyes stuck with him, but he was allowed a grace period of two months to grieve with Nobara. He experienced Shibuya, too, but he still had that one important person to protect. His mental health was alright at this point, all things considered. As long as his sister was alive, he would be fine.

Sukuna knew this. So Sukuna killed Tsumiki using only the Ten Shadows Teqchnique. The one person Megumi spent his whole life dedicated to, was killed by his own cursed technique, his own failure to suppress Sukuna.

In the void of his soul, Megumi was alone. Truly, utterly alone. The only person nearby was Sukuna, the murderer of his sister, the murderer of thousands upon thousands of people. He drowned in the ceremonial bath of crushed curses to hold his soul down in the depths of despair, literally drenched in all of the vileness the world has to offer. Sukuna killed Gojo using Mahoraga's adaption ability, and before that, Megumi was forced to take several of Gojo's mind-altering domain expansions.

Already, he had given up. He gave up when his sister died, but the rest ground a pointed spur into his neck. When Itadori shakes his soul, Megumi is repeating, "That's enough." He was at the end of his rope a long time ago. What more is there to keep living for? He doesn't want to live with the blood of his sister, the blood of the man who practically raised him, and the blood of countless others drenching his hands.

Sukuna killed all of these people, not Megumi. But then, Sukuna killed of those people in Shibuya, not Itadori. Why can Itadori take it? Why can he keep fighting when Megumi lays broken on the ground? Itadori wasn't alone. And Megumi has never been known for his unshakeable spirit. That is the one thing that Itadori can hold over everybody else, the one trait that everyone admires. He was born to shoulder the burden of the world. Megumi wasn't. Megumi wants to die. He is not passively suicidal, for he has no goals left to complete, a plan to die within the body no longer inhabited alone. He is suicidal. He would drive a stake through his heart if it meant relieving his pain. He doesn't want to do it anymore. He's had enough.

And Itadori was in this position once, too? Perhaps not as directly, but he was there. Here is the moment that the protagonist gives the motivating speech to will someone to keep fighting, that life is worth living. I realized today that this is not something Itadori has done yet. He hasn't had a grand speech that's not been about his own willpower. He's never encouraged someone else to keep living in the way that you would expect from the main character. This is his moment, I suppose. He needs to be the person for Megumi that Todo was for him. He has to show Megumi that he isn't alone.

He needs to save Megumi when, all those years ago, Gojo couldn't save Geto.

I don't think some of this fanbase understands how horrible Gege has to be at writing if he just. Let Megumi get up to fight in Chapter 251. All this time, he has shown how Megumi has been defeated. He showed him crumbled on the ground, unmoving. It shouldn't be a surprise that all of the measures Sukuna took to ensnare Megumi's soul worked. Megumi is suicidal after the people he loves have all died because of his technique. God forbid a sixteen-year-old is unable to cope with his trauma alone.

Honorable Mentions:

There are a lot more characters in this story that represent/show mental illness that I didn't go into depth on but are worth mentioning. It was easier to only talk about the major characters since we spend so much time with them and I can fully flesh out everything that should/can be said about them. Anyway, here are a few more that are notably well-written in their mental struggles:

Yoshino Junpei. His story arc follows very similarly to Geto, except he is the bullied student I was making a reference to. Depressed, alone with a mother whose habits he can't stand, he turned to someone he thought could provide him a better life. Interestingly, he is a good representation of the type of children that tend to be groomed. That's surely what happened to him. Mahito used him, then discarded him for his own gains.

Ieiri Shoko. Her main struggle can be seen through her smoking habits. She's been through a lot, lost so many people, and has to keep healing sorcerers only for them to die. Eventually, she was able to come to terms with this. She kicked her smoking habit at the same time she kicked the vicious mental cycle of caring too much about the patient on her table. It's no wonder she picked up a cigarette, for the first time in a while, when Geto led the phantom parade.

Zenin Maki. She works as a very good contrast to Megumi. They both lost their sisters, the people they loved the most, but she turned all of her grief to killing the Zenin clan and gaining Heavenly Restriction. But this, this is because she could do so. There is simply nothing Megumi can do as a soul trapped in his own body. Her grief made her stronger, while for most, it made them weaker.

Inumaki Toge. He isn't seen a lot, but his story is ultimately quite compelling. A boy who hurt many when he was young. He turned his guilt into kindness, a will to protect. He tends a garden to raise plants healthily, for God's sake. He's one of the examples that shows Yuuta that your past actions don't define you, but instead, what you choose to do going forward.

I am not proofreading any of this before I post it. Sorry if it is borderline unreadable with spelling / grammatical errors.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 11

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Mae Borowski (Night in the Woods)

"Spoilers! She's a college dropout in her early twenties, who suffers from untreated mental illness and dissociation and had a complete breakdown at college, causing her to come home. Now she's living with her parents again, but life in her dingy little hometown went on without her. Her friends are adults now - in a relationship and planning on moving to the big city, or having to waste away in a dead end job instead of following their dreams. Mae is the only one without a new adult role in life. She's not great with people either - she's blunt and often doesn't think things through, and in many ways just doesn't get the world of adults. She's also prone to petty crimes and general anarchy. She's kind of lost and purposeless, and trying to find meaning in life by desperately clinging to the past. Her decision to drop out of college probably saved her life, but it's also put her family in a tough financial situation and is viewed by most people as her just thoughtlessly doing whatever she wants. She's also kind of shamed a lot about not having a job or other productive role in life, despite the fact that her untreated mental issues are actually disabling for her. She also plays the bass real bad. Anyway, i love Mae a lot. Playing this game as a college dropout in my early twenties, sitting in my childhood bedroom in my mom's attic, back in my dingy little hometown, desperately missing my old friends who have all moved on to better, resposible things in life... yeah, it felt like the game was pointing dead at me. Given tumblr's general demographic, i figure i must not be completely alone in this"

Shigeo Kageyama / Mob (Mob Psycho 100)

"autistic. likes milk. if we reach a certain level of emotion we turn into a psychic bomb. cool brothers :)"

Barry the Quokka (The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog)

"Their only skill is working the microwave, they're non-binary, when seeing a trash bin their first instinct is to look through it, they're always the most normal person in the room, they can beatbox, and they were only hired due to being the only one who applied."

Kaveh (Genshin Impact)

"In a fantasy world, be a guy with a regular profession losing his goddamn mind. Poor guy has a guilt complex, (so true) and a lot of deep embarrassment regarding his life.(ehe) He just wants to do what he's passionate about but capitalism is evil and also he keeps getting scammed. Claims to not want anyone to know Things, goes into depth about these Things anyway. Is probably most definitely gay. Can be found face down on a table lamenting his fate. Terrible sleep schedule. (HA) He is such a guy. Wants to believe the world is a good place and people are inherently good. And wants to help people and do good himself. It's just hard. [And he has a roommate. Oh my god he has a roommate]"

"He was, and still is, regarded a genius. He aced his Akademiya days, he has the admiration and appreciation of so many people because he is oh-so remarkable. But what for, when reality is that he sits at home depressed and with guilt consuming him, faking the image people have of him, not only broke as fuck but actually in debt, drowning his sorrows in wine."

Yusuke Kitagawa (Persona 5)

"highschooler who wants to spend the rest of his life doing what he loves. is obsessed with art and beauty and it's on his mind 24/7 received help from his now friendgroup to break from his abusive foster father who he still have complicated feelings with had to move into school dorms and am struggling to live independantly since he'd rather spend money and time on his art but he's still surviving and enjoying the good times id say also ends up saying whatever is on his mind and is pretty eccentric. very passionate about what he loves. doesn't want to do anything else."

Nanami Kento (Jujutsu Kaisen)

"Ex-salaryman, now jujutsu sorcerer. During one life-and-death fight, kept talking about how it was almost six pm with is when he is getting off work at 6pm no matter what because he hates overtime. While his opponent repeatedly almost kills him. Normalest adult in this shonen anime. Teen MC: "Let's go all out!" Nanami: "No. Where moderate effort will suffice, use moderate effort." Some of his quotes from the anime: "I studied at Jujutsu Tech and one thing I learned is that Jujutsu Sorcerers are shit! Then I worked at your typical company and one thing I learned is that work is shit! If both are equally shit I'll take the one I'm more suited to." "You've faced several life-or-death situations, but that does not make you an adult. Finding more fallen-out hairs on your pillow, watching your favourite stuffed bread disappear from the convenience store... The accunulation of these little despairs is what makes a person an adult." "I don't praise or disparage anyone. I adhere to facts and judge on that basis. That's who I am. There was a time when I mistakenly believed society operated the same way." "

[i-love-your-light]

too many thoughts on the new hbomberguy video not to put them anywhere so:

with every app trying to turn into the clock app these days by feeding you endless short form content, *how many* pieces of misinformation does the average person consume day to day?? thinking a lot about how tons of people on social media go largely unquestioned about the information they provide just because they speak confidently into the camera. if you're scrolling through hundreds of pieces of content a day, how many are you realistically going to have the time and will to check? i think there's an unfortunate subconscious bias in liberal and leftist spaces that misinformation is something that is done only by the right, but it's a bipartisan issue babey. everybody's got their own agendas, even if they're on "your side". *insert you are not immune to propaganda garfield meme*

and speaking of fact checking, can't help but think about how much the current state of search engines Sucks So Bad right now. not that this excuses ANY of the misinformation at all, but i think it provides further context as to why these things become so prevalent in creators who become quick-turnaround-content-farms and cut corners when it comes to researching. when i was in high school and learning how to research and cite sources, google was a whole different landscape that was relatively easy to navigate. nowadays a search might give you an ad, a fake news article, somebody's random blog, a quora question, and another ad before actually giving you a relevant verifiable source. i was googling a question about 1920s technology the other day (for a fanfiction im writing lmao) and the VERY FIRST RESULT google gave me was some random fifth grader's school assignment on the topic???? like?????? WHAT????? it just makes it even harder for people to fact-check misinformation too.

going off the point of cutting corners when it comes to creating content, i can't help but think about capitalism's looming influence over all of this too. again, not as an excuse at all but just as further environmental context (because i really believe the takeaway shouldn't be "wow look how bad this one individual guy is" but rather "wow this is one specific example of a much larger systemic issue that is more pervasive than we realize"). a natural consequence of the inhumanity of capitalism is that people feel as if they have to step on or over eachother to get to 'the top'. if everybody is on this individualistic american dream race to success, everyone else around you just looks like collateral. of course then you're going to take shortcuts, and you're going to swindle labor and intellectual property from others, because your primary motivation is accruing capital (financial or social) over ethics or actual labor.

i've been thinking about this in relation to AI as well, and the notion that some people want to Be Artists without Doing Art. they want to Have Done Art but not labor through the process. to present something shiny to the world and benefit off of it. they don't want to go through the actual process of creating, they just want a product. Easy money. Winning the game of capitalism.

i can't even fully fault this mentality- as someone who has been struggling making barely minimum wage from art in one of the most expensive cities in america for the past two years, i can't say that i haven't been tempted on really difficult occasions to act in ways that would be morally bad but would give me a reprieve from the constant stress cycle of "how am i going to pay for my own survival for another month". the difference is i don't give in to those impulses.

tl;dr i hope that people realize that instead of this just being a time to dogpile on one guy (or a few people), that it's actually about a larger systemic problem, and the perfect breeding grounds society has created for this kind of behavior to largely go unchecked!!!

[psychdiarys]

I don't like how the narrative treats Ongsa in 23.5 ...

I hate how episode 11 paints Ongsa as immature for being afraid of coming out and worrying about what people will think, as if that's not a common fear among queer youth.

Sun is portrayed as "emotionally healthy" and mature because she prioritizes her love over others' opinions. But that's the problem: Sun prioritizes her love for Ongsa instead of actually putting Ongsa's feelings and fears first. I was put off by so many narrative choices in this episode, like

Sun listing out all the reasons she's upset with Ongsa ...

.... which felt contradictory as those reasons were all connected to Ongsa's insecurities and mental struggles that Sun had previously been compassionate of.

Like, personally, I believe Sun was entitled to be upset about the Earth revelation, as being lied to is deeply hurtful.

But, she understood Ongsa's reasons at the time and didn't get mad at her because it didn't really matter. She also supported Ongsa's decision to keep their relationship hidden, being aware of Ongsa's fears and self-esteem issues.

That's why it felt so wrong when she used those reasons against Ongsa during their fight. It completely undermined the understanding and support she had shown before.

It came across as very "Look at everything I've done for you," like don't be all understanding & supportive if you're going to keep her in debt of your gratitude.

And when Ongsa explains her side, Sun hits her back with:

The girl who outed her girlfriend to her parents without knowing if she was okay with it, or if her parents would accept her, is now criticizing that girlfriend for making decisions on her own without her input?

Like I get that she was upset at Ongsa for making decisions on her own without discussing them with Sun. But what were these decisions, exactly?

Keeping their relationship a secret from her parents because she was afraid they'd be homophobic

Why does she need Sun's input for that, exactly? This is between Ongsa & her own parents. The decision to keep this a secret from her parents affects HER personally because she lives with them. Her parents potentially being homophobic could literally risk her safety & turn her whole life upside down. Sun, on the other hand, had no business outing her & AylinLuna to Ongsa's parents without asking for their input. It was not her decision to make, even if they were supportive.

Keeping their relationship a secret from everyone in school

Again, Ongsa was scared of the reaction, which is completely normal. There's nothing inherently wrong with being afraid of coming out, especially for queer youth who often navigate the complexities of dating, while being in the closet.

Back then, I was so proud of Sun for being understanding of Ongsa's decisions, considering it was her first queer relationship, and fear is a natural part of that experience. Therefore, using that understanding to guilt-trip her now, simply because they had a disagreement, feels manipulative.

Asking Sun not to drop the exchange program scholarship for her

I mean, can you blame Ongsa? If my teenage girlfriend (that I've been with for like a month, mind you) decided to throw away all her dreams & plans away to be me, I'd probably tell her to get her shit together. Like, Ongsa wasn't making the decision for Sun. She was advising her not to prioritize her 5-minute relationship over her lifelong educational & career aspirations, and at such a young age?

I understand that Sun felt hurt because Ongsa didn't want to apply for the scholarship with her. And on top of that, Ongsa didn't even understand Sun's decision of giving up the scholarship to be with her.

But getting mad at her for encouraging her to take up the scholarship is childish. Because Ongsa just didn't want to force either of them to choose between uprooting her own life for Sun's dreams or having Sun give up her dreams to stay with Ongsa.

Ongsa's parents confronting her about her relationship with Sun

Like, fine. That was a sweet scene & I'm happy that Ongsa's parents are NOT homophobic like she assumed. I'm so glad they are supportive and I want them to be MY parents.

But again, I was irked by the way they centred the conversation around Ongsa's inability to prioritize what's important to her & worrying about what people think too much.

"Be more considerate of yourself & the ones close to you," implies that Ongsa is selfish for not coming out. It implies that she thinks too much about what other people think of her just because she's afraid of coming out.

Like WHY is she being repeatedly told that she needs to stop being a people pleaser just because she was scared of telling people she's GAY?

Instead of telling her that they're sorry for not creating a comfortable & safe enough space for her to be vulnerable with them, they're like "Why would you assume we're homophobic when you never even asked?"

I was also upset that Aylin and Alpha told Ongsa about her & Sun, once again taking away her autonomy to do it herself, in her own way, on her own terms. How many times in this show is Ongsa going to get outed.

Plus, despite Ongsa's friends & siblings being supportive of her & giving her a shoulder to cry on, it was disappointing that nobody explicitly took her side.

Nobody told her that it's okay to be afraid, that she's not wrong for the choices she made. NOBODY condemned Sun for outing her. They all acted like she's the one who hurt Sun, even if they WERE understanding.

Alpha you're literally my favourite character and I love you to death. But instead of calling Sun out, it's like she was saying Aw, you've finally learnt your lesson now. Character development! Now, go get Sun back!

Big miss.

Sun's apology

Yes, Sun "apologizes" to her, but not for the right reasons. While it's positive that she did apologize and acknowledged her part in their breakup, it was disappointing that she only addressed their disagreement over the exchange program scholarship situation.

What about apologizing for outing Ongsa? For not understanding her fear of coming out?

Sun claims to love Ongsa for who she is, which, according to the show seems to imply her "loser personality" and the fact that she's a girl. But does she also love Ongsa for her anxiety, fears, insecurities, and tendency to overthink?

It's all "I love you no matter your gender, your looks, and your popularity status," but it's "tata, bye-bye," at any sign of neurodiversity. This is how they messed up the Aylin plotline too, but that's a story for another post.

—

I know that they're teenagers, but that doesn't mean they're exempt from accountability. I know that the narrative is supposed to be realistic, but that doesn't mean I agree with it. Either way, another miss from GMMTV, I guess ..

[andhumanslovedstories]

Hi dear. I saw your post about pain management - thank you so much for it, it was an inspiring read, also it made it so obvious that you are truly passionate about being a nurse or rather, helping people and being present for those who need it the most. I wanted to ask - do you feel your job as a nurse affects the care you give in your interpersonal relationships and if yes, then how? rather negatively or positively? this is something I think about a lot bc my husband would love to study to become a nurse because he has a heart full of love and care, I knew he would be so good at it, but we are also having our firstborn soon and I just worry that being a nurse might be so draining that what if there is no energy for me and the baby. I really want to support my husband and I know this might be a silly question, but having read how you think I would so much love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

My big disclaimer for this is that I'm currently on medical leave for depression that wasn't CAUSED by my work but was definitely exacerbated by it and definitely worse when I was on shift. I've also been dealing with depression for a long time, and it's always interfered with my jobs at some point. The main problem is that it's a lot worse to have brain fog at a hospital than it is at an ice cream shop. I consider nursing to be a protective factor for my mental health SOMETIMES. It is work that I find meaning in and makes me proud. It can be an exhausting job but also a rewarding one. Extra compassion is also a double-edged sword: it can make you a better nurse, and it can also drain you that much faster because you get invested. Self-care is a part of the nursing code of ethics because the job in part because compassion fatigue is so easy to get if you aren't careful with your limits.

It is a draining job. I've begged off lot of things due to my schedule and feeling exhausted (but I am a homebody hermit). It's also a job a lot of people balance with raising children. My mom (who was already a nurse when I was born) liked the flexibility of the schedule. I work with dozens of nurses who have children. Many are mothers who are still breastfeeding infants. Some actively participate in their family life, some don't, and I don't know how much that has to do with their specific job. You know your husband. Does he already struggle to balance work/school/responsibilities and personal life? That's an issue with any career, but I do think healthcare is a profession where it can get even harder.

oops another nursing essay under the cut

(Plus, in terms of timing in with your newborn, congrats btw, your husband will have to go through nursing school first if he decides on this track, and minimum that will take like 15 months if he has all the pre-reqs and gets into an accelerated program. When it comes to dealing with a newborn, schooling might be more of a stumbling block than the job itself. I know a lot of people who consider nursing school to be one of the worst times of their lives. He might be able to do LPN [licensed practical nurse] instead of RN [registered nurse]. RN requires a bachelors and has a larger scope of practice and generally higher pay. I know almost nothing about getting your LPN license so he'll have to investigate that himself. I'll say the hospital systems that I've been in not only prefer RNs but often have requirements that people without a certain amount of experience MUST get their bachelors after X amount of time.)

I would also say not all nursing jobs are created equal in terms of labor, emotional and otherwise. My first job was in home health which got me somewhat emotionally enmeshed with the family I primarily worked with, but it also wasn't emotionally distressing. Nurses on our oncology floors and the ICU have a different experience than nurses who work in elective short-stay surgery. And different people find different things draining. I find working with end-of-life patients to be energizing in my work; a lot of people don't. My aunt worked pediatrics because she found working with children must less distressing than working with a geriatric population. Some people thrive in the chaos and speed of the emergency room, while I find it to be a tremendously depressing place that I hate floating to.

I think you'd have to ask my loved ones if really if it affects how much I care for them. Speaking personally for myself: I think it is overall positive for my relationships. I like the rhythm of nursing, I like the philosophy of nursing, I like who nursing makes me be. I like that nursing work is impossible to bring home. You can bring the emotions home, but you leave the patients at the hospital. It's simple for a bedside nurse to keep a strong division between their work self and their home self, but it's not necessarily easy. And again, I'm off work right now and probably will be for a bit longer so. yknow. He should make sure he's got a good support system in place.

Also some states and cities are far, far better than others when it comes to nursing regulations. Are there legally mandated staff ratios where you work? How many hospitals are in the area? Are any of them union? What does the compensation look like? What is the turnover rate? Nursing could be a great profession in general, but it might not be great in your particular location.

My last point would be that working in healthcare can make you feel...disconnected, I guess, from people who don't. Healthcare is such a culture unto itself. Sometimes I'd be like that meme of guy at party hanging out in the corner thinking, "they don't know yesterday I took care of a patient in a situation so fucked and depressing that it's now an ethics case." Or on the other hand, "they don't know that a patient called me their guardian angel and cried while they thanked me." The fact that healthcare is a different world is neither a pro nor a con, but something to consider. Depending on how you spend your days, his life might start to have parts that look very different from yours. I loved having a nurse as a mother and listening to her stories. My father banned all anecdotes involving poop and gore from his presence.

I hope you and your husband figure out the best way possible for him to use that compassion, which might be nursing or might not be. Either way, good luck to you guys!

[banishedchildofeve]

˚｡⋆ Patron Saints that help guide us through the year

₊⋆·˚ ⁀➴ ༉‧₊˚. ₊ ⊹ 𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✧˚ .

- St. Dymphna ; the Patron Saint of mental illness.

while it can hard for us to admit that we are struggling mentally on a serious level, we have all had moments of feeling very low. i personally have struggled, and so struggle with, anxiety, depression, anger issues etc. these have been serious issues for me and i learnt a prayer i will link - here - that has helped me know St. Dymphna. ˚࿐

- St. Vitus ; the Patron Saint of oversleeping.

we have all overslept once, if not maybe multiple times a week or month. for some, oversleeping is a rare misfortune, but for others, including me, oversleeping is a regular problem and has affected my life in a various of negative ways. here is a - link - to a prayer that i found. ˚࿐

- St. Phillip Neri ; the Patron Saint of joy (and friendship).

i dunno about all of you guys, but i have lost more friends then i have gained since leaving high school. this isn’t a bad thing as a lot of the people i spent time with weren’t very nice, but like most people, i am always wishing for more friends. friendship is so important, and i read up about St. Phillip Neri and learnt so much. he is also the Saint of Joy! here is a - prayer - ˚࿐

- St. Padre Pio ; the Patron Saint of stress relief (and adolescents).

we all get stressed, duh. stress can take a toll on so many aspects of our lives, including our health on a long-term scale. trying to reduce stress is ironically, quite a stressful process. i have found peace in a plenty of Bible verses that talk about being calm and trusting God. i have also found peace in Padre Pio, a Saint who i knew about long before God called me to Catholicism. i have him on a bracelet, haha. here is a - prayer - by St. Padre Pio i have found, and also a - prayer - TO Padre Pio. ˚࿐

- St. Expeditus ; the Patron Saint of procrastination.

if someone says they don’t procrastinate, i’m 99.9% sure they’re lying. you do it, i do it, we know it’s bad, but it can be so hard to fight sometimes. good thing we have St. Expeditus! here is a - prayer - that we should all recite daily. i wish you the best! ˚࿐

- St. Anthony ; the Patron Saint of lost things.

my keys, my glasses, my card, sometimes even whole outfits or pairs of shoes… how many times a week, even a day, do we lose things we own? i’m sure we all know about St. Anthony, most atheists know about him, but i often find myself forgetting that he is there for us. a - prayer - to the finder of those annoying lost items.

- St. Jude ; the Patron Saint of lost causes (and “impossible” circumstances).

we have all thought a situation we’ve been in is completely and totally helpless. we’re stuck, there’s no way out and this feeling might just be forever. despite how hard these moments are, however long or short they may last, they do always end. we end up feeling better. however, that’s not to say that that feeling of helplessness isn’t so hard to bare. i’ve been there, i understand. i only recently learnt about St. Jude, (prior to this, the only ‘jude’ i knew of was the Beatles song… forgive me…). thankfully, St. Jude represents hope for the hopeless and miracles for all of us facing those helpless circumstances. - prayers

₊⋆·˚ ⁀➴ ༉‧₊˚. ₊ ⊹ 𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✧˚ .

i hope this was somehow useful. God bless you. <3

౨ৎ

i also just make up my own prayers to Saints when needed. sometimes we don’t resonate with a prayer, and that’s okay. i often add to prayers or find myself reciting my own. i linked prayers for suggestions, not as some sort of strict guideline :)

౨ৎ

[hallowpen]

There was a lot of destructive criticism surrounding My Marvellous Dream is You, but I actually thought the series was quite good despite its shortcomings. I'm a lot more forgiving than most when it comes to Thai GL series, and that will have absolutely affected my viewing experience. But... every time I would see a comment that just read "This is boring/terrible/stupid" without ever elaborating, I felt very much like Khun Pu's character from Be My Favorite hehe

*WARNING*: There will be minor spoilers for the final episode of My Marvellous Dream is You, should that be something you wish to avoid.

I will be the first to admit, that I was very skeptical about this series in the first handful of episodes. So let's just get my personal negatives out of the way first... I think, by now, it's no secret that I do not support where a lot of Thai GL adaptations source from. So, this series already had an admittedly disadvantaged subjective expectation from the get go. It wasn't really surprising to see pacing issues within the first 5ish episodes, that seems to be a common occurrence in Thai GLs produced by IDOLfactory. Whether that is a result of the novels the series have thus far been adapted from OR from a choice in direction is up to you. I, personally, think it's a bit of both. Where I believe certain productions struggle in letting their narratives breathe, I find the complete opposite problem to be true with IDOLfactory. There were a lot of plot points that needed restructuring or to be removed entirely in order to have a stronger cohesive story that focused on the main characters' relationship more so than it did.

Now, while I stand behind my opinion that the series could have benefited from tighter and better organized storytelling, a lot of the groundwork was there to make a decent character driven narrative. And that's what I've chosen to focus on. Wan and Kim are both deeply flawed characters. There were so many inferences to be drawn from character relevant visuals and their joint backstory that truly informed their current dynamic.

The👏🏾character👏🏾focused👏🏾visuals👏🏾in👏🏾this👏🏾show!!!

One of the most interesting parts of watching a series, for me, is having to pick up on certain character cues in order to understand and delve deeper into the core of their behaviors.

Wan and Kim share a trauma, and it's easy to see how they both became so dependent on one another to fill the void their fathers left.

In flashbacks, Wan is presented as egoistic and headstrong since high school. She is also shown to be extremely protective of Kim before she even realizes her feelings. Kim, on the other hand, is a bit more sensitive. She cherishes Wan's attention and affection to a point where she would be willing to play a little dirty in order to keep it for herself.

All of these emotions become heightened once they are forced into adult life with adult problems. Wan is struggling with her mental health. While trying to balance fame and the repercussions her actions might have on her career, Wan must also deal with her mother's alcoholism... which has essentially caused her to check out from Wan's life. Her need to have Kim by her side, and never leave her, has become less protective and more possessive. Kim's desire for approval and affection has led to an over devotion of herself to Wan and constant worrying about disappointing her mother. She's neglected her own wants and needs for so long, that she's afraid putting herself first would be considered too selfish...too much like her dad. Her mother's cancer diagnosis further pushes Kim to continue to place her mother's wishes over her own desires. Even though comments about Wan and Kim being 'annoying' or 'frustrating' were aiming to be negative... they weren't exactly wrong. The audience was supposed to feel that way. Heck, even the surrounding characters called out their behavior on more than one occasion. Because in an effort to not lose one another, Kim and Wan fell into a cyclically unhealthy dynamic where their actions and reactions were actually pushing each other away. Their inability to communicate their true feelings to each other beyond their (unbeknownst) shared dreams prevented them from making any true progress toward a romantic relationship that they both so desperately wanted, but were each terribly afraid to pursue. Their feelings for each other were put up against the reality that their love being unreciprocated could spell the end of their relationship altogether. There was an added pressure of being unfairly compared to their fathers, where any romance between them might be found 'unacceptable'. Couple that with societal views of same-sex relationships, and you can understand why these two were so hesitant to reveal their truths.

(Quick sidenote: I did not agree with the idea that what Kim and Wan did was exactly the same to what their fathers did. They did not leave and abandon their families. Marwin didn't make it easy for them, and given the glimpse we saw into his family's cruelty, it made all the sense in the world to have him react in the way he did. Kim and Wan were at least willing to stay and face the hard consequences of their choice, no matter the outcome.)

I think them having to work through all of their issues made the moment of Kim and Wan finally deciding to be together that much more satisfying... And that was the point Kru A was trying to make when he explained his direction for their relationship on social media after hearing viewer feedback (He was subsequently rudely criticized by interfans for that decision, to the point where he alluded to the fact that he might take a break from directing... but that's a whole other discussion).

That final scene of them being married purposely not clarifying whether it was in a dream or in reality alluded to the fact that their shared dream world and their real life were no longer at odds, finally. I thought it was very fitting.

The frustration caused by KimWan's lack of communication reminded me of a similar dynamic between Team and Win in Between Us, a series that suffered from a lot of the same problems (not enough focus on the two leads and irrelevant plot points). However, those characters and the actors that portrayed them didn't receive even half the amount of negative reactions. They existed, trust me, but there were a lot of positive reviews to balance it out. I'm not going to get into what that means, because I think you can make the inference for yourself.

All in all, I don't think this series deserves to be completely written off. Is it perfect? No... but an effort was made, and it wouldn't hurt to make the effort in return to understand the vision. Fay and May did an incredible job for their first go around as main leads. And I hope they get the chance to develop their craft further.

[usedtobecooler]

isn't that so sad | steve harrington x eddie munson 1.9k

summary: steve struggles with his mental health and no longer being needed by his friends in the wake of vecna's defeat.

tw: 18+ minors dni, post season four, everybody lives. poor mental health and its direct impact, general sadness with a happy ending.

Steve feels himself begin to spiral once everything happens, and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

After Vecna, the Upside Down, Dustin crying and begging for Steve's help. Dragging Eddie out with nothing more than determination and strength brought from the pits of his stomach.

He looked after everybody on autopilot, threw himself into protector mode and ran around like a mother hen to make sure everybody was safe, looked after and protected. Until one by one everybody got better and moved on, and the only people left who truly needed protection were Eddie and Max.

He spent almost all of his free time at Hawkins Memorial Hospital, at one of two bedsides as induced comas continued on. Took to sleeping in Eddie's room at nights whilst Wayne continued to work at the plant, because the Government hush money didn't go very far once medical bills were needing paid.

Hell, Steve was the only person there when Eddie awoke from his coma three months later, and knocked Steve off of his feet when Eddie grabbed for his hand and pleaded with him to just stay. Didn't want nurses or doctors or even his own fucking family to come in, he just wanted Steve.

New normal began soon after Eddie awoke, Steve's days that were once dreary and pointless were now filled with driving Eddie to therapy and rehab appointments, going grocery shopping for Wayne so he could sleep after his shifts. Checking in on Lucas as he prayed at Max's bedside, taking visits to Dustin and his mother, who had a habit of making enough dinner so that Steve could eat. Claudia knew Steve, knew he didn't look after himself, was too busy making sure everybody else was healthy and alive. So, she made sure he had the same courtesy, and he was forever thankful.

Things had routine, normalcy, until suddenly they didn't anymore. Eddie was back to (mostly) full health, school restarted so Steve didn't see the kids much unless they wanted a ride or a place to crash at the weekends — he wasn't needed anymore.

Robin left. Her parents hauled ass to the other side of the country, and she went, too. He couldn't lie to himself, say it didn't hurt, because it near enough fucking killed him. Broke his heart in two to watch his soulmate leave without a trace. She wrote often, called occasionally, but to not have her hand within grabbing distance when things got tough — well, that's something Steve would never come to terms with.

His parents never checked in, never asked about what happened in Hawkins, he doubted they knew much beyond the vague tellings that the news broadcasted. They sent money, they always did. But the house was empty, void. Steve longed for his mothers hugs, his fathers stern voice carrying through the halls. He hadn't wanted those things since he was fifteen and left on his own for the first time, but the loneliness crept in painfully quick, everything felt dark.

Steve still slept with the nail bat next to his bed. He'd seen this before, ever since the fateful night that he stepped in to help Jon and Nancy fight that fucking demogorgon. Just when they thought everything was over, something would happen. Whether that be Demodogs, Russians, Vecna. There was always something new to get them, and he could never rely on the fact that everything had gone quiet once they 'defeated' him.

He feels himself fading, but he's too proud to call and ask for anything. Blames it on the one too many knocks to the head, that's clearly what's causing this imbalance in his feelings. Doesn't want to call Nance and ask her how things are going at college, doesn't want to pester Dustin now that he's sixteen and old enough to drive, doesn't want to stop by Eddie's new government issued trailer for a smoke. He's far too sure he'd be considered more of a nuisance than company.

It's March. Spring Break, the one year anniversary. Steve can't remember the last time he ate, or showered, or left the position he curled up in on his mattress. The phone next to his bed rings on and off for days, and Steve chooses to leave it unanswered.

He didn't want pity calls.

He falls asleep finally, sometime after the second or third sunrise. Succumbing to exhaustion, heavy eyelids drooping shut, slipping into the first dreamless sleep he'd had since that fateful night in 1983.

"Harrington! Steve, Steve c'mon, wake up!"

A panicked voice rouses Steve. Firm, bony fingers shaking his bare shoulders as his bleary eyes struggle to open.

He's just so tired.

"Steve, man, please," the voice tries again, desperate and pleading. Steve's fuzzy head knows that voice, can make it out even in the state he's in, has heard it in his thoughts and his dreams for a year now.

"Eddie," Steve's voice is gruff, painfully dry, lips tacky from lack of saliva and fluids, "how... how'd you get in?"

Eddie barks out this fucking incredulous laugh, holds his hands up in defeat before slapping them down on his thighs dramatically, eyes wild and brows up behind his fringe, "I broke in, Steve! Nobody heard from you in four days. Four fucking days! I thought I was gonna come in here and you were gonna be— fuck!"

Steve tries to process what he's saying, feels this horrific pang of guilt in his chest when he realizes he's upset Eddie. He'd never even thought, not even for a second, that people would be worried he was dead.

"I'm sorry, m'sorry," Steve apologizes groggily, tries so hard to lift his heavy head from the pillow but fuck, if his neck won't allow it. He feels so useless, can't even find the fucking strength to pull himself up from his slumber. It's embarrassing, he's mortified.

"Hey, don't," Eddie scrambles, wraps ringed fingers around Steve's slender wrist, almost in a feeble attempt to pin him in place on the mattress, and Steve goes willingly, "you... you're not yourself, man. We should've known, I should've known. When you didn't answer the phone to Rob—"

"Robs called?" Steve winces, pained and choked. He doesn't want to fucking cry in front of Eddie Munson, not after everything. A missed phone call shouldn't be the hairline trigger.

"Yeah, Steve," Eddie sighs, the pad of his thumb running along the veins on the back of Steve's wrist soothingly, almost like he's trying absently to stop the freak out that he feels impending, "don't. Don't beat yourself up, okay? It's our faults, we didn't check in. I'm so fucking sorry, we all are. Things have just been—"

"Busy, I know." Steve sighs, still curled in a goddamn ball on his side, like he's frozen in place, held down and imprisoned by nothing but the weight of his own thoughts. He feels his eyes grow hot, teary, "Nobody needed me anymore."

There's a beat of silence, then Eddie rips the comforter off of Steve, exposing his body to the chilly air. Steve winces, half expects Eddie to try and haul his ass out of bed, give him the tough love his dad used to when he was given a telling off for something and would hide under the covers to cry.

Harrington men didn't cry.

But, Eddie Munson was always surprising Steve. Ever since that fateful day in that fucking boat house at Rick's, when the scrawny kid Tommy Hagan used to beat up for fun used his brute strength to pin Steve to a fucking wall.

He clambers into bed with Steve, Reeboks still on his feet, leather jacket on his shoulders, not a care in the damn world. Those wild curls fanning out over Steve's pillow as he lies down, face to face.

Steve's suddenly self conscious, knows he probably fucking reeks. Hasn't brushed his teeth or washed his hair in who knew how long, deodorant long worn off from the cold sweats he lay in. He cringes, embarrassment creeping up hot on his neck — he never wanted anybody to see him like this.

"When my old man used to come home drunk, my mom would lay in bed with me like this, gimme hugs and run her fingers through my hair til I fell asleep," Eddie explains, voice quiet as he shuffles in close to Steve, their knees knocking, "I was scared of him. She didn't want me to be alone. She died when I was six, then it was just me an' him, nothing to comfort me when he came home and yelled, blamed me for his loss on whatever card game they played that night."

Steve furrows his brows, chest tightening at Eddie's story. He doesn't understand why Eddie's telling him this, curses his stupid brain for being slow to tack on to what this all means, but he understands, to an extent. His own mom used to love him and comfort him, too, once upon a time.

She wasn't dead, but sometimes it felt like she was.

Steve doesn't realize he's crying until Eddie's eyes widen in shock, his gangly body flailing a little as he moves in closer to scoop Steve into his arms, pulling him into his torso. Steve's whole body freezes for a split second, goosebumps littering his skin at the feeling of Eddie's warm body basically engulfing his own fragile one.

"Fuck, sorry, man. Didn't mean to make you cry. Was just a stupid little story, my way of saying — fuck me," Eddie panics, struggles, stumbling over his own words as Steve sobs quietly into the soft material of his worn in shirt, "I get it. Feeling like you have to be on your own, and work it out on your own, because you've only had yourself for as long as you can remember. But you're not alone now, Steve. We're not alone."

Steve cries until his throat is raw and he's soaked through Eddie's shirt with his tears, tightly fisting the material because he won't allow himself to hug Eddie back. Eddie anchors him, buries a hand in his hair and strokes soothingly until Steve's doing nothing more than dryly hiccupping into his chest.

"I— I'm sorry," Steve apologises again, struggling to get the tiniest of words out past the hyperventilating, "I didn't— didn't want this t-to happen. Wanted to be — be strong for ev-everybody."

"Stop fuckin' fighting your feelings, Harrington. Let us look after you and love you. It's time somebody took care of you, you've done it for us for long enough." Eddie's stern but still soft, chin hooked atop Steve's head, "We can start slow, okay? I need you to drink some fluids, before you end up in the hospital."

Steve agrees tentatively. And it's not long before just drinking fluids turns to showering, eating a full meal, stepping outside in the daylight. Sleeping through the night, going to the movie theatre with the gang. Getting a new job, visiting Robin across the country.

Eddie's by his side through it all.

Steve falls hard but Eddie falls harder.

hurt my own feelings with this one my guys &lt;;/3

[she-is-ovarit]

I am on government insurance (Medicaid). Out of pocket, my psychologist's rate is $225 an hour. He went through a decade or more of school, obtained a PhD, and graduated with student loan debt. He didn't state how much, but I can imagine it's likely in the hundreds of thousands considering he still has this debt and graduated with his PhD in the early 2000s.

He shared with me that out of that $225 rate, he obtains about $25 from one Medicaid client's insurance company. The insurance company pockets the rest. My friend, another therapist, has a similar story. She makes $75 off of Medicaid clients usually when her rate out of pocket is $200.

Most therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are no longer accepting Medicaid/Medicare insurances because of this reason, which people who are poor are on. Over half of mental health professionals are no longer accepting insurance, period. I think we all understand that low-income people and low-income communities struggle the most with mental health issues, and if you are a person of color in the US you are more likely to be low-income. If you are a domestic violence survivor turned homeless because you left your significant other, you are also more likely to be on Medicaid. If you are a first generation student, you are most likely on Medicaid. If you are formerly incarcerated, you are most likely on Medicaid. And so on.

Additionally, if you are a human being of the female sex, you are far more likely to seek out therapy than someone of the male sex. Overwhelmingly men don't seek out therapy unless their female significant partner pleads with them, pressures them, or gives them an ultimatum which influences them to make an appointment. What does this mean when the vast majority of mass shooters, rapists, pedophiles, and domestic violence abusers are male?

Figure 2. Percentage of adults aged 18 and over who had received any mental health treatment, taken medication for their mental health, or received counseling or therapy from a mental health professional in the past 12 months, by sex: United States, 2019

Pair all of these details with the fact that mental health professionals are in such high demand right now, that even with private insurance the wait list is anywhere from three to six months out. Insurance agencies are business, and the corruption inherent. Many focus on prioritizing coverage for acute crisis rather than treating long term underlying conditions (which in turn prevents acute crises), don't provide coverage for co-occurring conditions, are advertising that more providers are accepting their insurance than there actually are, and are solely driven by financial interest.

I wonder how much domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, poverty, hate crimes, generational trauma, and overall suffering within individuals and in their societies can be reduced by valuing mental health and holding insurance companies accountable for their financial exploitation.

We talk about the US healthcare crisis without talking about the US mental health crisis.

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hey! I really love all of your imagines and I really think your work is immaculate. Especially the Modern!Bill Kaulitz imagine and it made me wonder what it would be like to be Modern!Tom Kaulitz's daughter,if you don't mind could you write an imagine for that? If you do,you don't have to rush, I know you have many other works to publish so take your time! :) ❤️

(Hello! I'm very happy to do so and that you love my writings! This also was the perfect time for daddy issues to pop up in my playlist :')

Being Tom Kaulitz's Daughter

He is the very proud dad all the time

He teaches you electric guitar since before you could even walk

And let me tell you, he did a great fucking job

Doesn't force you though to play instruments and lets you be your own person

Is always happy to talk about his amazing daughter in interviews and videos

You were also taken on stage a lot as a kid

Bill was your best uncle, always had you on his hip and dressing you up and doing your makeup

Gustav is a more careful but caring uncle who let you go ham on drums and steal his shit while also pretending not to see you in hide and seek

Georg was the uncle to let you stay up, eat whatever you want, steal you without anyone knowing and teach you cuss words

You and Tom bickered so much even when you were a kid because you got his attitude

When you were little he always carried you around on his shoulders or was holding you

You're his little girl so much and he doesn't let that go

Doesn't want your career to be based around him if you go into the entertainment business and wants you to be your own person

Not just his kid

He's a supporting dad in whatever job you want to do or whoever you want to date

He's just happy that you're happy

He had almost a full on mental breakdown when you were getting older when you were a baby

He couldn't handle it

Struggled with being a dad to you at first and was nervous but he did an amazing job with you

He lets you dress him up, have tea parties with you, make him wear tutu's makeup and everything

He's sitting in a small ass chair, a tea cup in his hand as you give him a scone, decked in a boa, tiara and tutu at a small table as Bill is teasing his brother so hard

Until you drag Bill and your uncle's into it

He spoke too soon

He's the dad to always be there when you need him or just to be there when you don't want to talk

Is the dad front row when you have a recital, award ceremony, play and everything else

He doesn't want to miss anything going on in your life

The dad to push you higher than any other kid on the swings

Let's you sneak in his bed no matter how old you get or even if you don't live at home anymore

You'll always be the little girl he raised

You and him were partners in crime as you grew up against your mom

He gives you cookies when she said no because it would "spoil your dinner"

He snuck you one and told you not to tell mom

He gets you out of trouble so many times

Picks you up early from school all the time just because he can and wants to take you to a gig or concert they're doing

He'd be proud of you took after him on electric guitar

Is happy if you ever got into a band or music with your friends

You remind him of himself when he was younger sm except for the flirting

He made you swear off dating for so long because he couldn't handle it but actually loved your future partner as long as they treated you right

Whenever you're upset he's still the dad to mess with you, tickle you and make you laugh until you're ready to talk

He is the best dad to ever have

He spoiled you so damn rotten but made sure you appreciated everything

He raises the best kid ever and he didn't even know how he did it

When he first met you in the hospital room and held you he was shaking

He was just in awe that he made this perfect little girl and that he was your dad

Can you tell I'm curing my daddy issues with these requests?