#stop fearmongering about this one feature

[snugglyeldritchjellyfish]

tumblr users: remember to check before you reblog! if it incites an immediate emotional reaction, it might not be accurate! misinformation is an issue!

also tumblr users: discord is evil and violating your privacy with this New Feature RIGHT NOW and its SOOOO bad you guys

[nights-at-crystarium]

As a twitter/tumblr user since 2010-2011, I believe I have sufficient grounds to say that currently we as a community are living through the scariest, shittiest time yet. This post isn’t trying to fearmonger, no I’m not leaving tumblr until it literally keels over, but I suggest that we don’t put all our eggs in one basket.

If twitter/tumblr stay usable, great! In the worse scenario, you’d have kept posting on a new platform and stayed ahead of the curve.

This post shares my personal experience with three potential “new”* fandom places, and is aimed to help fellow content creators. I’m an artist fully depending on internet to survive, my reasoning may not apply to you if you’re a hobbyist. Do your own research, it’s always healthy. * Pillowfort and mastodon have been around for 5+ years, bluesky is ~2 years old.

Discovering new people to follow kinda sucks on all three platforms, twitter and tumblr are eons ahead, but, given the recent chaos and uncertainty, I’m willing to be patient, keep posting on those, and feel safer than I would’ve otherwise been. More baskets good, one basket bad.

All three have poor visual customization, don’t expect custom tumblr themes.

This list starts with the least popular, but most human and easy to join, and what I personally trust the most. All three allow nsfw if labeled properly.

✦ Pillowfort is a barebones tumblr. Intuitive, cozy, but currently very, very small. Be patient with its clunkiness or lack of some features, it’s made by an AO3-like team. I’d personally love if the fandom crowd managed to redirect its attention to it instead of the sus bluesky.

Joining: is free, invite-only, but the waitlist is nearly instant.

Lurk around on their official tumblr: @/pillowfort-social

✦ Mastodon, for me personally, is impossible to explain directly. I’ll use several comparisons.

- Discord but all servers can interact. You’re still on a server curated by some human(s) that might tell you what you can and can’t post, BUT, if you don’t like that server’s policy, you can move to a new one while keeping your followers. - Email, users A and B may be registered on different domains, still they can talk. It’s a weird comparison, but fediverse (please I’m not explaining THAT but it’s a good thing) in general looks like another email story: unlike big sites that come and go, it might stand the test of time. - Someone compared mastodon’s structure to xiv’s dc and servers, if you look at its domain names that way, it might be easier to understand.

Depending on user, mastodon may feel gatekeepy/snowflakey. I haven’t spent enough time on there to form a proper opinion yet, but a warning’s due.

An actually good and hopeful thing about mastodon AND tumblr: the two might start interacting in future. Ever lamented that your fav asian artists don’t use tumblr? If they use misskey, or any other place on the fediverse, it might be possible to follow them directly from tumblr in future, and vice versa.

Joining: is free, however some servers close for new members sometimes, and have human moderators reviewing your request.

✦ Bluesky is a twitter without Musk: today’s average internet user reads this, drops everything and already looks to register there. It’s still sus, but people flock to it like crazy. Most likely to become the next big fandom place in my eyes, even if I’m not happy about that.

I personally have no good feelings about bluesky. Same as twitter, which I hated even before the 2018 tumblr exodus, yet the crowd decided to make it The New Fandom Place, and, grudgingly, I had to give up and also join them in 2022. During the year I haven’t stopped despising twitter, yet, I can’t deny that it helped me survive. I estimate half of my patrons, and, hell, even tumblr audience, comes from twitter. So, if bluesky ends up being the next hot shit, I’ll have to keep up because internet pays for my living.

Joining: is free but hell, invite-only, the waitlist is a lie, your best chance to join is a direct invite.

This’s all I’ve got to say for now. If you have a correction or an addition, replies/reblogs are welcome!

Screenshots of the current interfaces under the cut, you may spy on my profiles o/

Pillowfort

Mastodon.art

Bluesky

[ms-demeanor]

Not to be rude or derailing your answer to the ask about the scorched earth post, but I do think quite genuinely that the site is becoming more openly hostile to its userbase, or at the very least its disabled userbase. While I’m not a fan of mobbing people’s personal blogs in targeted harassment campaigns, I think some people are also ignoring that staff blatantly said in a recent post that epileptic users would need to pay for ad-free to have their safety assured

I kind of don’t think that’s being ethical or user friendly, to me that sounds like they’re refusing to meet basic accessibility requests and answering with ‘pay us money to be safe’. Strobing and flashing ads aren’t just eyestraining, they can legitimately lead to serious injuries for epileptic folk, and telling people with epilepsy to just pay up or get lost is kinda… I dunno… disgusting?

So it looks like in a livestream (not on a post so far as I've been able to see) either photomatt or zingring made a glib and inappropriate response to an epileptic user asking about flashing ads and suggested that maybe they needed to pay for ad-free.

That's bad, I don't like it, and if it was supposed to be a joke it was a shitty one.

Zingring, tumblr's COO addressed that comment in a post where she said:

Buying ad-free (or gifting ad-free to someone else) is always an option, but that is not the solution (and of course, some folks simply can’t afford it). Sorry that it sounded dismissive in the session! That was not my intent.

I still think that's inappropriate (it's not that ad free isn't *the* solution, ad free shouldn't be *a* solution to accessibility), but it looks like Zingring has addressed this issue multiple times.

She got tagged in this post listing ways that tumblr could improve accessibility for photosensitive users and seems to have pretty consistently followed up; she has explained that there are rules against flashing ads that are sometimes violated by the advertisers and asks people to please report ads that break those rules so those advertisers can be blocked, has noted that there is apparently a "stop all autoplay" option in the works behind the scenes. She does also seem to take it seriously when users reach out with complaints about accessibility issues and seems to be willing to explore options.

Looking through that blog, this does not seem to be a site that is hostile to users with accessibility issues so much as, like everything else that's wrong around here, it is ridiculously understaffed so every project that someone wants to have as a priority is a project that someone else needs put on the backburner.

However, to very gently push back: how much of what you're experiencing as hostility from tumblr is actual hostility and how much of it is seeing posts like this, which suggests that tumblr is removing accessibility features because the lightbox didn't have double-tap-to-zoom on mobile for some users for a short while, claims that the blocking/flagging issue is a false flag against trans women, shared the inaccurate fearmongering post about tumblr live's ToS, and also claimed that tumblr "allowed" flashing ads that violated the in-place rules that tumblr has for advertising?

(this kind of goes with the 'nobody understands the ToS' but also nobody understands ads; tumblr does not have enough staff to look over the ads that go on their site every day, no social media company does, they rely on advertiser agreements as a sort of enhanced honor system and reports from users if the advertisers don't hold up their end of the bargain; the only way around this for any site that uses ads is to not have ads and that post is explicitly saying don't pay for tumblr because they are doing ads wrong - either they have to run ads and some bad ones are going to slip through and users will have to report them or tumblr will have to be 100% paid by the users or tumblr will go away. If you see ads that are unsafe for photosensitive users on *any* website you should report them to the site because the site almost certainly doesn't know that there's an advertiser violating the ad ToS unless someone tells them)

Generally speaking, I am actually *not* seeing worsening accessibility features, I'm seeing improvements compared to where we were five years ago - alt text on images is now built-in and devs are working hard on making tumblr more compatible with screen readers (as noted in the changes blog regularly); tumblr itself started offering different dashboard themes for users after years of complaints about contrast levels and readability; the "tiktok/twitterified" desktop dash view that everyone hates is supposed to be more readable on wider screens.

Compare this post in October of 2022 when Changes celebrated adding animations for posting (and told users those could only be disabled at an OS or browser level) with this post from July 2023 when they rolled back a feature because of an unexpected use case that could cause problems for photosensitive users.

These aren't things that I'd expect to see from a company that didn't care about accessibility, or that was openly hostile to questions around making the site more accessible.

I don't disagree with you that the comment from the stream about buying ad free was inappropriate; it absolutely was and it must have made photosensitive users feel like shit. But in the three months since that comment tumblr has been very responsive about getting flashing ads removed as soon as possible and seems to be working on more permanent fixes. I think this may be an instance of able-bodied people not realizing how shitty and dehumanizing their joke was (and it was) and taking the steps to do better.

If you don't think they're doing better, I probably can't convince you. I certainly don't think that tumblr is perfect about accessibility and I think that users need to continue pushing for improved user control of how the site displays and interacts with various devices. But compared to the kind of responses users complaints got from staff in 2018? I feel like things have improved a lot.

[genderkoolaid]

advice on how to get over the fear that t is going to make me ugly? or that i’m going to miss “the old me”

i’m a queer trans guy and i’ve been questioning going on t for years now and i know i definitely want bottom growth, body fat redistribution and more body hair.

but im err on the side of face and voice changes. i’m scared of disliking my new voice and suddenly growing dysphoric over it (i dont have too much voice dysphoria now) and disliking how my new face will look. i’m kinda genderfluid as well so it’s complicated. but i don’t want to go my whole life without knowing what it’s like to be on hrt. but i can’t get over the fear of looking/finding myself ugly and undesirable and losing my community... which is ironic cuz i find other trans men attractive as hell. i discussed this in therapy and i still feel this way :/

i wish there was a way for me to start without telling anyone and then breaking the news when i’m experiencing changes and feeling more confident about it. i have my gender dysphoria diagnosis and i can start if i want to, but i need my family’s financial support. i don’t want to make it a big deal since it’s just something i’d be trying out to feel more like myself in certain ways.

sorry this turned into a long ass rant and you don’t have to reply but i’m just gonna kindly leave it in the ask box 💀

There's a post that goes like "all of life is irreversible. i cannot go back a single second" and I think thats something good to keep in mind when you are thinking through this. You are already living with a body that has changed and will continue to change in ways largely out of your control. You are already living in a post-irreversible-alteration body.

If you do go on T and find you don't like how your voice sounds: for one, you can stop at any time (& if you haven't checked out microdosing as an option, you should). But two: plenty of people live with a deeper voice than they want. Plenty of people live with facial hair they dislike. You can pursue the same therapies and procedures they do. Or maybe you don't, and you find ways to live with a voice or face you aren't totally in love with.

So much detransition fearmongering, especially directed at transmascs & assoc. trans people, heavily relies on the specter of the fallen woman, itself steeped in trans-misogyny & intersexism. The idea that, for one, a "woman" who has mixed-sex features is ugly and undesirable, and two, that a "woman" made undesirable is forever doomed to be miserable and worthless. The transphobic story of detransition keeps our bodies stuck in this moment of revulsion and regret, narratively preventing us as characters from being able to move on and live happy lives in atypical bodies. Even if you do regret/dislike some things about T, you are not forever stuck in that feeling. The story does not stop at that! You will just keep living and find new ways of dealing with your bodily feelings!

The social aspect of this is a bit more complicated but I also have some firsthand experience with it. Because, as mentioned before, there's a lot of transphobic misogyny/misogynistic transphobia that affects transmascs & others who go on T, who have to confront the feeling of losing your potential desirability. And then there's also the way many people are treated after going on T, facing a whole new area of bodily scrutiny: you may suddenly have people making comments about how someone needs to force teenage boys to shave because their facial hair is a personal offense. I went from being self-conscious about how high my voice was to being self-conscious about how undeniably trans my voice was. And, specifically, my facial hair, voice changes, etc. were all signs of my transmasculine desire, and I became self-conscious about how obvious it was that I desired being trans, I desired this body. I could no longer let everyone pretend I was a cishet girl at family gatherings and avoid confronting these issues, because I had essentially written I WANT TO BE A TRANNY all over my physical form.

This is something I'm still struggling with myself. I, like many other queer & autistic people, already struggled with feeling desirable or worthy of being seen alongside conventionally attractive cishet people who could act normal. Being visibly trans, and taking a huge step away from the desirable cis-perisex-girl body, can really open up that can of worms. Especially being genderfluid/genderqueer! Because we often cannot find a comfortable space for ourselves within the conventions of attractiveness for cis men, like some binary trans men are able to.

But ultimately, I don't regret going on T at all. I would have had body issues regardless, and I got a lot out of going on T. I think mentally preparing yourself to struggle with these things, and seeking out other transmasc people, is a big help. Again: all of life is irreversible. we cannot go back a single second. We are already living in imperfect bodies we struggle to love or see as worthy. If you know you want some of the things T can offer, and you don't want to go your whole life without knowing, then just do it. Dive in, and don't feel any shame if you decide to get out. Just keep living and finding ways to live better right now.

[synthient]

Doctor Who: Matrix Pastiches Reviewed

Because it turns out DW has a lot of them! The three categories I'm considering will be: 1) Visual engagement with The Matrix, 2) Thematic engagement with The Matrix, and 3) Quality of the overall episode vs quality of its Matrix pastiche

Contestant #1: The Long Game/Bad Wolf

(I'll be bundling our two Station Five episodes together, even if they aren't technically arranged as a "two-parter")

Visual engagement with The Matrix

Right off the bat, we get probably the best-looking Matrix imagery that was possible on a BBC budget circa 2005. A lot of other media going for a "Matrix aesthetic" stops at either the cyberspace visual language, bullet time, or the costuming, so I think it's actually pretty fun and novel that the Station 5 eps go for the pod people instead. Through the labor-zombies (still puppeteered by their jacks in death), and the Controller (conscious, aware, had a brief normal childhood before being sold into instrumentality), we push the horror in some fun new directions.

Thematic engagement with The Matrix

Does manage to at least gesture toward labor exploitation and state propaganda. Draws a nice if underbaked connection between news media fearmongering and anti-migrant policies. Gets a little incoherent and borderline reactionary with its conspiratorial angle (not that that's completely absent from the matrix proper). Featuring a "philosophical debate" that dips a bit more into parody. And we do manage to presage Resurrections via Don't Be A Tech Guy Who Sucks.

Quality of the overall episode vs quality of its Matrix pastiche

The Station Five eps are both a little mid, to me. Adam just isn't compelling, even in a love-to-hate way. Weirdly victim-blaming and misanthropic about the game show contestants. Each episode's parodying of the BBC is a bit too buffoonish to work, and leans a bit too hard on The Alien Behind The Curtain to have any teeth in regards to the real BBC. But I do kind of love Scary Capitalist Snow Hell feat. Simon Pegg. And the Matrix bits, imo, are some of the most charming moments. Decent episode, good Matrix pastiche.

Contestant #2: New Earth

Visual engagement with The Matrix

We get some very direct riffs on both the shot where Neo absorbs the full horror of how many pods there are, and the There Is No Spoon elevator cable sequence. It Green.

Thematic engagement with The Matrix

"Something something Catholicism" is, in fact, a core theme of The Matrix, and I'd say catgirl nuns are solidly in the spirit. "Don't be an evil vapid bimbo who surgically alters her body"? Well, no. (Granted, the most charitable read is that the ep is basically ambivalent on bodymodding - Cassandra's deal is gross, "evolution" and "mutation" are good, and turning yourself into a cat woman is neutral as long as you don't give people every disease in the world). "Don't give people every disease in the world"? Well, sure man, I guess.

We get some nods toward not buying into "human purity" (coded as class purity, and maybe vaguely racial?), and some lines about "we're part of the machine, so we know how to destroy the machine" that make sense as part of the Matrix pastiche and make much less sense in the context of the actual episode. Meanwhile, the NYPD are the heroes of the hour, here to bust all the bad guys and shepherd our shellshocked pod escapees off to some brighter future that we don't have to think too hard about the logistics of.

Quality of the overall episode vs quality of its Matrix pastiche

Gotta be honest: I did not enjoy New Earth very much. It has some fun ideas, and we get pretty visceral with the pod-based body horror again. But the sexism of how it handles Cassandra and Rose just makes the whole thing sort of unpleasant. And this also may have been one of the episodes he was looking back on re: "we didn't have 14 regenerate in 13's clothes because I didn't want it to look like we were making fun of gender nonconformity."

The Matrix pastiche itself is, like, fine? Just kind of shallow and mostly confined to iconography (while the themes of the rest of the episode sometimes tip into anti-thesis). Bad episode, decent Matrix pastiche.

Contestant #3: The End of Time

Visual engagement with The Matrix

If you're asking "wait, End of Time is a Matrix pastiche? In what way?" - it's because the whole Master storyline is riffing on the Reloaded/Revolutions version of Smith. Accordingly, the extended visual gag of the Master turning everyone in the world into himself is straight from the Smith playbook. And the effect looks bad, as a subtle homage to the fact The Matrix's agent possession effect also looks bad.

Thematic engagement with The Matrix

As a Matrix scholar with a Smith concentration: End of Time really, really gets Smith. It gets that he's an evil gay guy trying to excel to the extreme at his fascist upbringing, even though the authority figures he wants to impress will always see him as fundamentally "diseased." It gets the mommy and/or daddy issues that drive him. It gets that he's the shadow self. It gets that he's a Looney Tunes character. It gets that his public breakdown is as much self-harm as other-people-harm, and emphasizes that via the Doctor as concerned friend. They even put that guy on a dog leash (sexual style).

The "Master race" joke is kind of tasteless, but does get at something essential about Smith's machine-supremacy-as-cope and repulsion/fascination with Morpheus (and it's not like mixed-bag racial politics aren't a Matrix quality). "Is the Master in drag making fun of gender nonconformity?" well kind of, but it also slays

Quality of the overall episode vs quality of its Matrix pastiche

Maybe a controversial take, but I really liked End of Time. It's got the homoeroticism, it's got the Gallifrey Sucks reveal, it's got funny strobe light skeletor running around eating people. The Doctor's Got A Gun. Wilf's there. The "billionaire who evilly...loves his daughter? and they're the only people of color in sight besides Cannibalism Victim #2 and Barack Obama?" subplot does kind of flop. But overall, a good blend of the thematically compelling and the sillyfunny. Much like The Matrix itself in that way... Good episode, good Matrix pastiche

Contestant #4: Extremis

Visual engagement with The Matrix

Little-to-none. We're doing The Matrix almost purely as premise, not aesthetic. 12 wears sunglasses, I guess? But he'd been doing that for a minute

Thematic engagement with The Matrix

Return of "something something Catholicism" - this time, our take is roughly "kind of sucks that the pope is homophobic. But I'd still help that guy out if he were in trouble. On account of once upon a time, the pope was a hot lady and we had sex."

[gets blinded] [turns out to be reversible as soon as they actually want to do more stories with this guy] ? That did happen to my buddy Neo.

"Have you guys heard about the allegory of the cave?" ✅

Killing Yourself, is, in fact, a theme of the Matrix movies. I do have to give them that.

Quality of the overall episode vs quality of its Matrix pastiche

The thing about Extremis is that for the most part, it's perfectly watchable and entertaining, even at its most baffling. Still has fun dialog and solid characterization. Still has Mackie and Capaldi doing their best with the material. It just climaxes with such a stupid twist that it kind of kills the whole thing. And that twist is the very fact that it's doing Matrix pastiche at all. Decent episode, bad Matrix pastiche.

Winners of the Matrix Pastiche Awards:

Worst visual engagement with The Matrix:

n/a: everyone's either doing their best with 5 bucks and a ball of lint, or not really visually going for The Matrix at all

Best visual engagement with The Matrix:

The Long Game/Bad Wolf

Worst thematic engagement with The Matrix:

Neck-and-neck between New Earth and Extremis. But I think NE's anti-thesis and aesthetics-without-theme narrowly beats Extremis's "relevant themes but done clumsy and bad"

Best thematic engagement with The Matrix:

The End of Time

Best Matrix pastiche sans rest of the episode:

The Long Game/Bad Wolf

Best episode sans Matrix pastiche:

The End of Time, but Extremis is shockingly close

Most Memeable Moment:

"Super Mario would kill himself"

[darkmaga-returns]

Andrew Stiles

October 27, 2024

Vice President Kamala Harris was briefly interested in reaching out to male voters in the final weeks before Election Day. Recent events suggest the candidate has abandoned those efforts in favor of joyless fearmongering intended to rile up the Democratic base of #resistance-obsessed single ladies who scream at children. (No, we're not making this up. A deranged young white woman accosted a little girl in a stroller outside a Harris rally in Houston on Friday. "I don't give a f—, your dad's a b—!" the female Harris supporter yelled just inches from the child's face.)

Harris appeared in Houston alongside Beyoncé, a female musical artist of some renown. The former Destiny's Child member echoed the candidate's women-focused closing message. "We are so happy to be standing here on this stage as proud, country, Texas women supporting and celebrating the one and only Vice President Kamala Harris," Beyoncé said. "I'm not here as a celebrity. I'm not here as a politician. I'm here as a mother. A mother who cares, deeply, about the world my children and all of our children live in. A world where we have the freedom to control our bodies."

Once on stage, Harris wasted no time attacking Trump on the issue of abortion. "No one is protected," Harris warned, joyfully. "Because a Donald Trump national ban will outlaw abortion in every single state." Trump, who was also in Texas last week to tape an interview with celebrated male podcaster Joe Rogan, has said he "would not support a federal abortion ban, under any circumstances."

Harris's next campaign stop in Michigan featured a fiery speech from former first lady Michelle Obama. The New York Times described it as an "impassioned plea" to male voters that was "anchored in a searing and intimate depiction of women’s bodies and reproductive health." Many disagreed with that assessment, noting the angry tone with which Obama scolded men for being "angry" and "disillusioned" while attempting to shame them into voting for Harris.

[snickerdoodlles]

Re AO3- Politely inquiring as to why you aren't worried, oh Cinnamon One? Thanks! Xoxo

1 part "that's not how it works" and 2 parts "LLM-generated writing has nothing to do with fanfic writers"

some quick context for anyone who's confused-- generative-AI is trained on large datasets, and a lot of training datasets for these LLMs* include data scraped from AO3. i know that the generative-AI Sudowrites has been specifically referenced in socmed posts encouraging AO3 authors to lock their fics, but i believe the AO3 announcement on AI & data-scraping was prompted by current events and debates on the presence of generative-AI in day-to-day society vs any specific situation/event/etc

*LLM stands for 'large language model' which is the type of AI we're talking about here

my first note here is that if locking fics makes you feel more comfortable posting fanfic, do it. it's a fantastic security feature and no one needs a reason to lock their fics beyond "i want to." if you're doing it specifically to stop data scraping for AI, beware it doesn't actually stop that from occurring, it just acts as a deterent (AO3 has said they've done some backend work to prevent data scraping from occurring again in the future, but there's no way they'll ever be able to stop it completely)

but there's also been a lot of...well. i'm not sure misinformation is quite the right phrase here, but a lot of misunderstanding on how LLMs work that's resulted in a lot of outraged or indignant posts on LLM-generated writing in conjunction with AO3, and that's resulted in some fearmongering in regards to the issue that doesn't help anyone :( so, why i'm personally not worried about this issue;

1 part "that's not how it works"

first things first: i don't think people appreciate the sheer scale of LLMs. to refer back to a name that's been mentioned several times in these posts, Sudowrites is a generative AI based on GPT-3, which is a LLM based on 175+ billion parameters. GPT-3 requires 800GB just to store it. GPT-4 is based on 500 billion parameters. these are two of the big LLMs, but even the small LLMs are working off of 3-7 billion parameters. LLMs are fucking huge.

i think it might surprise some people to realize just how long AI has been around. the first recognized AI was made in 1943. neural networks (the "brains" of AI) were first developed in the 1980s. people have been working on generative-AI specifically for almost 20 years now. but it took 3 big factors before generative-AI was even possible:

1- neural networks that could do unsupervised learning,

2- hardware that could handle the computing requirements and neural networks needs,

and 3- the development of the internet into what it's been for the past 10 years, and the sheer scale of information now stored within it

so here's my point: LLMs weren't "trained on data from AO3"--AO3 is a database who's stored material was pulled alongside data from online journals, literary magazines, library databases, newspapers, video transcripts, blogs, Wikipedia and so much more than i can ever list to make these training datasets. individual AO3 writers are drops in a pool and AO3 is a bucket in an ocean of information. AO3 as an own individual entity has negligible impact on how LLMs were trained or what they do, nevermind individual stories.

honestly, this alone should be a huge relief for some people--i saw posts going around where people were appalled at the idea of their fanfic being used to train a generative-AI that could hurt professional writers. so great news! your fics have no meaningful impact on any of this in any way that conceivably matters! you can post your fics for anyone to see and read and even download with absolutely zero guilt for how generative-AI is affecting jobs.

2 parts "LLM-generated writing has nothing to do with fanfic writers"

if you want to learn how LLMs work, do it outside of tumblr, it's too complex to explain here (this dive into how ChatGPT works is a good starting point for anyone interested, personally i learned a lot looking up lectures on 'deep learning'). but for a simplified overview of it for anyone who doesn't care, LLMs are just figuring out what word comes next in a sequence. basically, you give a LLM a prompt. from that prompt, it determines what your topic is, then it spits out the first token (tokens are the 'language' of LLMs, in this case it's spitting out a word or short phrase). then the LLM spits out the second token based on the first token. then spits out the third token based on the first token, second token, and combination of the tokens. and so forth, until it's reached the end of the prompt.

LLMs are just writing sentences word-by-word. i remember doing something very similar when i first started analyzing what i loved about my favorite writers--i had a notebook where i wrote out sentences that i especially loved, usually looking at description or a funny piece of dialogue, with the goal of figuring out how to write like them. this lasted for maybe a month before i moved on to analyzing story structure, narrative pacing, etc because sentences are just lines of words. anyone can put words into a nice sounding sentence. they can even put several words into nice sounding sentences that sound nice when read together. but writing, and everything about it that makes it special, is so more than writing nice sounding sentences. giving an a concept a narrative, or creating distinctive characters with their own voices, or building a setting/world, or connecting ideas to themes--generative-AI can't do any of that. it's just determining which token comes next after the previously generated ones. it can do that with a lot of variety--baby writer me was working off a bookshelf, LLMs are working off things like the entire internet--but that's still all it can do: write nice sounding sentences.

there's another aspect to generative-AI at play here too--in every example you've seen of LLM-generated writing, did you notice that they're all limited to less than 500 words? prompts shown in newscast articles/segments are usually 300-500 words, Sudowrites only offers written passages of up to 300 words, and even ChatGPT recommends keeping responses limited to under ~800 tokens (even tho it offers responses of up to...4000 tokens i think?)

this is because each generated token comes with an error value. i don't want to bog down this already long response with how that exactly works, but let's say the first token comes with an error value of 0.0002 (*im picking random numbers for this). that error value carries over to the second token (which can have its own error value of let's say 0.0007). then that combined error value carries over to the third generated token, which also has its own separate error value, and so forth. and while each individual error value is negligible, they add up with each additional token and eventually the overall gained error is too high and the LLM cannot properly/accurately produce the next token (this is called error propagation, and it's non-linear in the case of LLMs)

i will stop torturing people with math nd statistics concepts, but the long and short of this means that after a certain number of words are generated, the LLM's response starts breaking down. maybe at first it starts sounding a little stale or the wording gets awkward, but if it keeps going, the LLM starts spitting out gibberish, and you have to end the prompt and start a new one. this is why those generative-AI writing examples have a word limit to them, the LLMs can't write more than that small section of writing on their own.

so, add up all of that, LLMs already aren't going to replace story writers any time soon. they just can't do it. furthermore, the response you get from an LLM is only as good as the prompt you give it and it's working off such a huge dataset, that responses are going to be really broad. if you want a more tailored response, you have to feed it extra context alongside the prompt. and in the case of fanfic specifically, fic is entirely based on previously known context. it's written with a very specific context in mind, it expects readers to enter with at least some level of knowledge on that specific context, and works within that level of context even in the cases of AUs. fic writers play in someone else's sandbox, which is not something that LLMs are naturally capable of doing

but frankly, even if they did, they still have zero relevance to fic writers

the people currently affected by LLM-generated writing are journalists, who jobs have been under fire for years. the editors in published magazines getting slammed with LLM-generated writing because it was sold as a shortcut. writers rooms for shows, which act as an important stepping stone but execs have been trying to reduce and cut out for years. and even more that i'm not listing.

these are people's livelihoods that are being impacted by generative-AI. situations where managers and executives don't care about the fact that LLMs can't write like people do because they only see a money-saver instead of art.

like, 100%--if locking your fics feels more reassuring to you personally, absolutely lock them. that's the point of the feature. but the attitude of acting like AO3 has any relevance how LLMs are trained or that generative-AI has any meaningful impact on fic writers is just such a self-centered view of the actual issue at hand. and, if you will excuse me getting a little snarky here, anyone up in arms over AO3 being one of the many databases getting scraped is about 20 years too late to worrying about internet privacy.

[lala-blahblah]

HMM uglies movie thoughts again. I like Laverne cox and I think she slayed as Doctor Cable, and I don't want to say this was a bad casting decision. But I will say that being familiar with her as a person , knowing she is a trans woman, and seeing her playing a character whose storyline is trying to force kids to get a surgery feels like it plays into right wing trans fearmongering in a kind of icky way? And I don't think this was intentional at all! I don't know if I'd even go so far as to say that this was a bad casting choice because in some ways it's empowering to see a trans women held up as an ideal beauty standard. But it's something I ended up thinking about the whole movie and I feel like it undermined the narrative it was trying to share.

On a more positive note, the uglies universe is a really interesting one to look at when it comes to trans folks though because they for sure would be allowed and accepted, and I don't think anybody would think twice about it. Its a future where everyone is expected to go through a major surgery anyway, like the pretty committee wouldn't care if you wanted more feminine features or masculine features or whatever, as long as you let them mess with your brain and turn you obedient they're happy! Which is kind of ideal for trans folks (minus brain washing of coursee). And the surgery isn't even fully a bad thing in the series. The Uglies universe is interesting because at first it really emphasizes how messed up beauty standards are and has commentary on intense plastic surgery just to like yourself. But (spoilers!) Tally never undoes the surgery afterwards. Like it happened but the focus is regaining her mind and her clarity, she never returns to her old face (and in a way she can't go back because she's changed too much on the inside anyway). So it's not like "in order to be your true self you must remain looking like you were" it's like "your true self is your thoughts and your appearance shouldn't define you" which to me still allows for room for that trans interpretation

Even after they "win" and stop the forced surgeries, in the following "extras" book that's set around a different character, people continue to get surgeries all the time, it's just more customizable and up to them. So body modifications are very normalized. I think there's nuance to it of course and there is still that underlying body horror element of all these crazy surgeries, but I do think it's neat to see a dystopian future that doesn't exclude queer expression. I think it would be interesting to follow a trans character in this universe... maybe not written by scott westerfeld but like, if a trans person has their oc and wants to write a little fanfic. I would read it.

[eevyerndracaneon]

full disclosure: everyone is fearmongering about this.

yes discord should have told people about the update. but this has been out for nitro users for a while now and it's not that big of a deal *UNLESS*

you are joining public server vcs with people you do not know or trust OR are saying nasty ass shit in vcs that you don't want to be held accountable for.

nothing is recorded and saved as smth to look back on unless someone actively makes a clip, and everyone is made aware of the fact that clips are enabled when you join a vc via a popup, so in fact it IS something done with your knowledge if you READ and if you're with people you trust!

its just like twitch clips but for discord vcs. its not a secret when its a thing in a vc.

turn it off for when you're joining vcs with ppl you don't know or trust, or if you're talking about something sensitive and you're just paranoid (but maybe dont talk abt sensitive things with ppl you're paranoid about recording your stuff??)

but it's not a privacy killing thing. its not a violation. its just twitch clips but discord streams.

stop fearmongering. look into the shit you're getting told to be terrified of. discord has done sleazy stuff in the past but this isn't one of those things and is in fact pretty cool, means you don't need OBS to record and clip a moment from a funny hang out with friends. this is a cool feature and if you personally are too paranoid to enjoy it, then turn it off. but don't automatically make it sound like the worst thing on the planet, its not fuckin clydebot

HEY DISCORD USERS!!

unfortunately, discord continues to be the Worst Messaging Company Of All Time with its updates, and this time, its one that is not only a privacy violation, not only enabled by default, but ROLLED OUT SILENTLY, MEANING YOU MUST KNOW IT EXISTS TO TURN IT OFF.

i am talking about "clips", an exciting new feature /s that allows people to record you in voice chat without your knowledge or consent! Wow!

fortunately, you can turn this off, but its kinda shitty how they didnt tell you this existed at all, yeah?

settings > clips> the button should be clicked to turn it off

(note that it should be ON by default, you will have to click the button to turn it off)

thanks, discord, for Telling Us This Violating Setting Exists In An Update And Making Sure It Is Off By Default. /s.

reblogs are appreciated to spread the word.

[spacelazarwolf]

I wanted to ask for some advice as a transman in his 20's, I've been told it's pointless to do hrt past 27 and I'm very poor & won't be able to afford it any time soon but it's getting harder to deal with as more years pass, is there anything I can do to handle it better that's helped you before?

whoever told you that was either misinformed or trying to discourage you from transitioning. transition later in life may look different than it does earlier in life, but it’s far from “pointless.” there are trans people in their 50’s-80’s who medically transition so it is definitely possible and effective with the right medical oversight, so if it’s something you want to do, don’t let people fearmonger and hold you back from it.

in terms of cost, i pay about $15-20ish per month for my testosterone but depending on the dose it may be more or less. there’s also coupons, and in some areas it may be covered by insurance. top surgery and bottom surgery are obviously going to be more expensive, but just in terms of hrt there are affordable ways to do it.

for clothes, i highly recommend thrift shops. what i did was take all the clothes i no longer felt comfortable wearing to a consignment store, sold what i could, posted the rest in a local queer facebook group and told people to come look through it and donate like $5 per bag they filled with clothes. then i took that money to thrift stores, because each piece was only a few dollars so if it ended up not working out i wasn’t out a ton of money and i could either resell or donate it. using that method, i ended up not spending very much money on new clothes post social transition. i also kept a few pieces that i was able to style in a masc way (it helped that before i came out i was presenting a bit more masc).

another piece of advice i will never ever stop giving is to meet as many other trans people in person in your area as you can. being trans is much less stressful and painful when you’re not doing it alone.

also if social dysphoria is a big thing for you, may i suggest: ✨gaslighting people✨. i joke but many times if someone misgenders you and you just laugh and act like they’re the one who just committed the social faux pas and you, a cis man, are oh so generously giving them an opportunity to apologize, people will be too mortified to press the issue bc misgendering cis ppl is generally seen as rude. this isn’t always the case, but i’ve found that even when i blatantly wasn’t passing, if i just acted SUPER confident, like i was 100% just a cis guy with a high voice and feminine features, cis men in particular were more likely to apologize and gender me correctly. ymmv but gaslight gatekeep guyboss is always fun to try at least once.

[brotheralyosha]

One year after the biggest protest movement in American history demanded police reform, we now find ourselves in the ludicrous position of being told by all of the shallowest professional political savants that defunding the police is a toxic position that is poison to Democrats. From Axios to Thomas Friedman, almost the entire centrist pundit class has coalesced around the analysis that because crime rates rose during the pandemic year, defunding the police is a bad idea, electorally speaking. Do they attempt to engage with the fact that crime rates rose in cities across the nation that have not actually defunded the police? No. Do they attempt to engage with the question of whether cities’ enormous spending on police relative to other civic priorities is justified by the results? No. Those are policy choices with profound consequences on human lives, and would probably require a lot of research, and are therefore not something that Tom Friedman or Axios would ever bother with. The pundit all-stars are interested only in the question of whether the misleading, kindergarten-level connection between the mere words ​“defund the police” and the fearmongering crime propaganda being featured constantly on Fox News will translate into a political liability for Democrats. By focusing exclusively on this frame, they facilitate it becoming a reality.

The general public does not in any sense have a statistically meaningful understanding of crime rates. They have an understanding of crime only as A) what happens to them in their own personal lives, and B) what they see about crime in the media. The way the pseudo-smart set of political pundits talk about these issues matters because it rapidly hardens into mainstream conventional wisdom, which is incredibly hard to dislodge, no matter the number of investigative stories showing a different reality. A bunch of lurid crimes blasted on TV news combined with the elevator pitch of ​“police stop crime so defunding the police is awful now” is much easier to process than the complex reality of what actually creates crime, and how to mitigate its underlying causes. (I am no criminologist, but Occam’s razor tells me that the 2020 increase in violent crime was probably driven by a physically and economically devastating global pandemic rather than a defunding of the police that did not actually happen. But hey, who knows.) The willingness of all the political analysts to completely gloss over the substance of the police reform debate while leaning into the cheap, dishonest attack ad version of it is exactly the sort of epistemologically corrupt choice that these people make all the time in order to preserve the veneer of being analytical observers standing outside of the partisan fray.

What causes violent crime in our communities? What effect do police budgets have on crime? What is the price of having more police — in money, but also in the human toll on those who are police targets? What are the hidden opportunity costs of municipal money spent on police forces rather than on social programs? Are there other programs or trained professionals we could allocate resources to that would produce better, healthier outcomes than the same amount of resources dedicated to police? These are the honest terms of the debate on defunding the police. If they do not bear any resemblance to the questions being discussed by the pundits who ostensibly talk about politics, it is because their definition of politics does not include caring about being honest.

[snugglyporos]

You know, I get people who are super paranoid about AI, for legitimate reasons, because there's lots of cost cutting in the world, and just as cars replaces horses and put a lot of horseshoe makers out of business, so too will AI change how we do things.

But let's disperse with the misinformation, fearmongering, and stupidity already. A year ago, you could get away with that. Now, you cannot. It's already integrated into so many things, it's literally impossible for you to avoid it, and most of the time when people say 'AI' they're talking about something that does not exist.

When people say 'AI' what they think of are sentient things that are capable of thought and meaning. We've had computers that answer questions based on inputs for decades now. That's not new. True artificial intelligence like people imagine it does not exist. At least, not yet, and for reasons I'll get into, because it's really hard with current tech.

But first, some things that already use AI. You use a search engine? Any social media app? Algorithms are, by design, the same as 'AI' in its current form, because it's a prediction engine. You use a phone to 'magic erase' things from photos? Congrats, you use AI tech. You use Adobe's generative fill tool? That's AI powered.

And let's just cut the crap when we talk writing and images because they're barely the same thing under the hood. Images are based primarily on trying to train a model on a concept and then replicate that concept, rather than Frankenstein-ing a collage. That matters, because collage is a legally protected form of art, and courts have already ruled you can't copyright AI generated content.

But, if you've ever bothered to try to use any of them, you'll find that they're good at certain things (landscapes, esoteric stuff, nonsense) and not so good at odd things like 'how many fingers does a human have?' And this is because 'AI' tech lacks a thing we have innately, which is 'context.' What I mean is that when it generates a human, it has no idea that a human has two eyes, a mouth, and five fingers on a hand. It likely wasn't trained to know that. Why? Because if you were to take a photo of yourself and then try to tag it, you'd say things like 'brown hair' or 'brown eyes' and not 'five fingers, two eyes' because we consider such features innate to 'human.' Also, if you were to train a model where you tagged things like this, the person generating would have to know to specify this, because the inclusion of a tag means that there can be things without those features. Ergo, if you tag 'brown hair' you are also saying 'this is a unique feature that can be excluded.'

Now, onto the legal/ethical side of things. Images that are scraped from the internet and users who have their art used as training material for corporations? That's bad. But the thing is, you can absolutely train an image model without stealing anything. For example, Shutterstock and Adobe both have, and they did this because if you use their service or upload your images to them, they legally have the right to do that, you gave them permission. Furthermore, what's to stop Google from using all the data it's gathered, that it owns, from say, street view? It owns the images, there's no stolen data there. You can't make the argument that 'oh, AI is bad because theft' if there is no theft happening.

This is one of the reasons the writers and actors guilds were striking. Both so companies wouldn't try to replace them, and also that companies wouldn't do so with content they own legally. For example! If Marvel wanted to take all its movies, tv, comics, and whatever else, train models off of it, and then sell that, they're not stealing anything. No one who works for them owns their content but them. You can say it's wrong to create without artists, but the reality is that you're already at the stage where many of the original creators are dead, and the people creating things for the companies have never owned the characters they're writing or drawing. That not great, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

So, opposing AI art because AI art is mostly soulless and will likely be used by megacorps to flood the market? Reasonable. But don't pretend being anti-AI is going to make life better for artists, because if you strengthened intellectual property protections, congrats, everyone drawing fanart is now committing theft, and the only people who have the right to create content are the people who own the rights. That's life.

Moving on to writing. Those of you who pay attention to AI know that AI writing is far behind image generation in terms of what it can do, and that's because generating text is extremely hard compared to images. An image, boiled down, is just color on a canvas. Meaning is drawn from impressions you take away from it. Writing is about things like grammar and syntax and also words have meanings.

As I said, AI tech at present cannot grasp meaning. This is why ChatGPT might seem impressive at first, but in truth it's just a massive bullshit generator. What I mean is that the underlying idea is that words are often followed by other words, and it predicts what it needs to say based on the likelihood of words being strung together in certain ways.

And if you don't believe me, go try it yourself. Here's a test for you. Ask it about general, wide scope topics. And then ask it to do specific, basic things, like basic addition or multiplication, things you were taught in grade school. It's going to struggle. And it will, because it doesn't understand that five is a number, meaning something. To it, five is a noun, it's just another word to be slotted into a place before or after other words. It, on its own, means nothing to the AI the way it does to us.

Now there is a worry that a rights holder, say, Universal or someone similar, might say, take the whole text of Harry Potter, which it owns the rights to, and then generate new content based on that. But the thing is, like images, you could train a model on how to write based entirely on public domain writings, and it would do just as well. The questions surrounding AI are a lot less 'who will do this' and more 'who actually owns any of this and is allowed to profit off of it?'

I should also point out that while you can reasonably run an image generation model using something like Stable Diffusion on like 4gb of vram, the smallest text generation models I'm aware of require at least 16gb of vram, and the ones that claim to use 8 are pretty much garbage.

And the reason for this is that text has a lot more parameters to handle. Running that on your local system requires some serious hardware. We're talking not just gpu but cpu, and it takes far more to train any kind of model for anything. It also takes a great deal of time. To put this into perspective, the models that are put out by things like Midjourney use billions of source images, and the things that Chat-GPT use require just as much.

So no one is ever going to take your roleplays and turn them into an AI model. For one, it would be extremely expensive, impractical, and also time consuming.

For another, if you want AI roleplay, that already exists and has existed for a very long time. But if you want something that's a bit more modern, you'd look at something like NovelAI or Character.ai, the latter of which is free to use and allows you to create and write opposite anything you desire to create yourself. You then train it yourself by rating responses.

Now you can say that this is kind of defeating the purpose of RP; but in truth, that's just writing prompting. But that's gatekeeping, the same way people who claim you can't play D&D alone or play Journal games or do choose your own adventure books claim you're not really roleplaying.

It all depends on what you're getting out of it. If what you enjoy about RPing is social interaction, the way I do, then AI rp is going to be sorely lacking.

But if what you're looking for is writing prompting, then it's perfectly acceptable, the way old text based adventure rpgs were before we developed gui based computers.

So you can say that it's lazy, it's low effort, it's not what you want out of it, and it both empowers megacorporations and harms the idea of removing intellectual property rights, and all of that is valid.

But we're long past the days where charges of theft are truly the issue here. Corporations and companies don't need to steal anything, they already own all of that. Adobe doesn't need to steal people's photos, they signed them over to Adobe when they agreed to allow their work to be sold on their website.

So if you don't like AI, that's fine! There are reasons to. But at least make coherent arguments based on what does exist and not based on the fever dreams of 1980s futurists who made movies for Hollywood.

PSA: This RP Blog is firmly Anti-AI.

There's been somebody (or some people) using anonymous messages going around certain RPC's threatening people that if they don't become less selective and write with them, they'll use their writing to feed an AI so they can write with that instead.

Not only is this weird and blatantly creepy, as people are allowed to be as selective as they please and threatening someone only looks bad on your end. Even outside of the broad debates about AI, AI generated work has no place in the RPC, a collaborative hobby between artists and writers to engage with another human being.

This blog will not engage with people who openly use AI to generate writing, graphics, or whatever the machine coughs out with stolen work. AI's are well documented to scrape different places for data. You are using stolen work. AI generated content, writing especially, goes against what the RPC stands for. End of story.

[super-predictable98]

Killin’ It | Assassination Classroom AU

Chapter 1: Welcome to Class E

Warning: People being ignorant about autism, talk about anxiety, mention of death and violence.

(Killin’ It Masterlist)

I can't believe you're starting your third year in Class E. Her mother's words kept echoing inside her head like the most hurtful mantra. She was also ashamed of herself, she tried her best to stay in class B, but it was no use.

Her grades were rapidly dropping, she had way too many absences due to anxiety attacks that only seemed to get worse after she started attending this stupid prep school, and tests always ended up giving her a stomach ache. Truth is the way the school worked made it nearly impossible for her to learn anything, let alone get passing grades.

The teachers would take away her fidget toys and comfort items that stopped her from going into sensory overload, they took away her earbuds and medication, they refused to excuse her when she was having episodes, and many of them actually voiced their concerns regarding her 'faking it' for attention or to get out of class. Still, the staff expected her to perform like any other student, but Mirai wasn't like any other student.

"My doctor requested additional time for my tests and assignments... But it's only for Math and Physics, I don't need these accommodations for other subjects. Actually, I placed second in Engish and Japanese last year, only behind your son and-"

"No, Miyazaki-san," Asano, the tyrannous headmaster, shook his head. "It would be unfair to the other students."

"Please call me Mirai."

"That's highly inappropriate, Miyazaki-san. I'm really sorry about your situation, but maybe you should consider treating your autism before you start year three."

"So you don't understand how autism works, this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You don't treat autism, can you treat your complete and utter ignorance? No! Cause you were born with it and now you just have to live like this."

That sentence earned her a suspension, she would start a few weeks after everyone else and according to the principal, she was lucky to still study there at all. That's when she realized Asano didn't give a shit about any of them, they were simply numbers he could move around and play with. As long as the majority of the students were scared to be sent to Class E, he could fearmonger them into getting good grades.

"Miyazaki-san," a hand on her shoulder made her squeal. She didn't usually have an issue with physical touch, but she sure likes to know who's touching her beforehand.

"Could you please call me Mirai?"

"What?" the tall man with sharp features and dark hair grimaced. He was used by now to the girls hitting on him, but she didn't seem to have any ulterior motives of that sort.

"Nevermind..." she averted her gaze.

"I'd like to have a word with you, my name is Tadaomi Karasuma, I work for Japan's Ministry of Defense and I need to give you some information about Class E and your new teacher."

"Am I in trouble? Already?" her stomach twisted with fear. "Is this because of what I said to Principal Asano? I apologized already, I even wrote him a letter!"

"No, it's nothing to do with that, you're part of a very important top-secret mission."

She didn't trust the man, but he was the only one waiting for her at the satellite campus, it's not like she had another choice but to follow him.

Mirai quietly listened to the full explanation about the monster that would be her teacher, the same one who blew up the moon, the one she was supposed to kill with the help of her classmates for an insane amount of money.

"I'm really bad at understanding sarcasm or stuff like that, is this a joke?" she asked as Karasuma handed her a green rubber knife, a gun, and loads of tiny pink bullets.

"No, it's not a joke, Miyazaki-san, the world depends on you and the other Class E students. The weapons are harmless to humans, but they will work on him. You have until March."

"Okay, so no pressure then..."

"And you were saying you are bad at catching irony? You seem pretty good to me."

She didn't understand how she was supposed to do such a horrible thing like killing someone. Who would become their teacher after he was dead? Why did he choose their class? Why did he want to blow up the planet? Would he really follow through with the promise not to harm any of the kids?

There were way too many questions that she didn't have the nerve to ask before accepting the mission (not that she thought she had the option not to accept it). But it was too late to go back now, she was already an assassin.

——————————————————

"Hello everyone, before any assassination attempts, I'd like to introduce your newest classmate, Miyazaki-san!" Koro-sensei placed one of his tentacles on her shoulder.

That creature was gigantic, he would be intimidating if it wasn't for his big smile and gentle voice. Mirai never really understood what made someone look intimidating or scary to others, but she decided she liked his face (even if his mouth didn't move when he spoke, which was a little creepy).

"Koro-sensei, excuse me," she called hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Would you please call me by the first name? I know it's not exactly appropriate for a teacher to use it, but I hate my last name."

"Why is that?" he whispered, thinking it might embarrass her to say it out loud.

"That's my father's name and he abandoned me and my mom when I was two. He never showed up or called again, I haven't heard from him since and he didn't even bother paying child support, so my mom always struggled to raise me. Hearing that name makes me really anxious and sad... None of my teachers ever-" she whispered back, but he didn't even let her finish.

"Don't worry, no one deserves to be reminded of something like that. It's okay," he said as he scribbled over her last name on his attendance sheet. "I'm so sorry, everyone. I made a mistake, our new student's name is Mirai-san. You can sit down, there's an empty seat right behind Okajima-kun."

"Thank you so much, sensei."

"Oh, and I saw in your file that you have GAD and ASD," his voice dropped one more time. "If you need any accommodations please let me know. During anxiety attacks you can always just leave the room to get some water or fresh air, you don't have to ask first. If you have a hard time understanding any subjects or you need extra time, different assignments... Don't be ashamed to ask for help. I also made some squishy fidget toys if you want, and I have noise-canceling headphones!"

Her eyes filled with tears, she couldn't believe someone finally listened and understood, someone finally cared. Maybe class E wasn't as bad as everyone was made to believe.

"Hey, I'm Taiga Okajima, so nice to meet you," the boy kissed the back of Mirai's hand, just like he had seen in movies and TV shows.

"Hi," she murmured uncomfortably, not really understanding that he was trying to impress her. "Nice to meet you too."

"You were from class B, right? I remember you," a somewhat familiar voice called from behind.

"Karma-kun," Mirai finally noticed his presence.

They had never talked before, they must've exchanged five words at most ever since they started at Kunugigaoka, but she knew who he was: the boy with the pretty eyes and the voice that gave her goosebumps, but a serious attitude problem.

"What? Surprised to see me?" he leaned back in his chair. "Do you have a fever or something? You're so red..."

"No! I'm fine, I just didn't expect. You've always had some of the best grades, I don't get why they would send you here."

"That's what I get for trying to help someone, but I'm happy," he grabbed the knife from under his desk and lazily played with it. "Now I get to kill a teacher and I still get paid for it! Aren't you excited, Mirai-chan?"

What did he just call me?

If her face was red before, now it felt like she was about to catch fire. Only Karma would ever feel he had the right to call her Mirai-chan after a one minute conversation... And she found she liked that about him, it was certainly better than Miyazaki-san.

"I guess I am," she turned around to escape his penetrating gaze, holding up her gun and aiming for Koro-sensei's head. She didn't want to kill him, especially not after learning how sweet he was, but if Karma was so excited about it, she wanted to show him she could. How hard could it be?

"Mirai-san, we have a rule about assassination attempts during class. Don't let your blood thirst interfere with your learning, understood?" Koro-sensei said, waving her gun in the air with his tentacle, that's when she noticed she wasn't holding it anymore.

"Yes, sir," she smiled to herself looking down at her freshly painted nails and perfectly braided hair. She heard that he was fast, but that was still unbelievable. "And thank you, I think this is really my color."

"I can do your makeup next time," he offered smugly, green stripes covering his head.

——————————————————

"So, how was it?" Kyoka asked as soon as her daughter walked through the door.

"It was good, mom," Mirai left her shoes and rushed to the kitchen.

"Good good or just okay?"

"It was great! I have a new teacher, he gave me this," she held up the small yellow octopus-shaped squishy toy Koro-sensei had made for her. "He's the best! Too bad that we have to..."

"You have to what?"

"Nothing, I was thinking of something else. Class E is actually amazing, nobody bothers us at the satellite campus, we have a handsome PE teacher who knows everything about fights, all the students are nice. I mean, I didn't talk to all of them, but all the ones I talked to were nice."

"What's that you have there?" Kyoka looked away from the vegetables she was dicing, her attention was caught by the green knife in her daughter's backpack.

"Oh! It's- It's fake, actually it's for PE, we're learning self-defense stuff, don't worry," Mirai pulled the knife out and bent it in half. "See? It's rubber."

"Ah, okay, you scared me for a second, I thought my daughter became a murderer," she laughed. Of course she wished things were different, but if Class E was that great, maybe the beginning of this new year was a blessing in disguise.

"Mom! If I were to kill someone I wouldn't be a simple murderer, I'd be an assassin and save the world!"

"Yeah okay... Go to your room and wash your hands, assassin, dinner is almost ready."

[lightsong-legacy]

Send ’Fearmonger’ for a drabble about one of my muse’s worst fears. - for alllll of them!

First of all... OOF

Okay, let’s get to it.

“CASI! CASI PLEASE!” The scream shot through the Confessor. Where was she? How did she get here? As she turned she saw them, her hands going to her face in horror. Half charred bodies of the Crusaders she had unknowingly helped to lead right into this trap. The ones who had trusted her to get them home safely, the ones she could not save. And then it began to happen once more. The confessor backing up, shaking her head as she felt the tears running down her face again. No...No it couldn’t be. The sickening crack of bones breaking and twisting. The wet ripping sound of flesh being torn asunder as some of them were mutated, changed into horrific ‘trees’. Their faces still apparant, the pain clear in their eyes and she knew. She knew if she cut open that tree she would still see their heart, beating. “CONFESSOR! PLEASE!”

“Stop...Stop...I can’t...I c-can’t...” Her words trembled out, as she continued to back up, only to hit something and she gazed up in horror. A fel guard, grabbed the woman using a single hand as she screamed the Light wouldn’t come. Nothing would save her. She stared over, eyes wide as they approached with the knife once more....

Casial was shook awake by a terrified Cy’Rua, the student holding onto her as the woman dug her nails into her arms. “Casial. Please...It’s Asp...”

They pair ran into the room, Asphodel’s chambers...Colder than usual. The woman pale on the bed. “Cy’Rua what is happening?” Casial questioned, running to her sister’s side and holding her pale hand. “I don’t know...I...Its nightmare magic. That I know, I can’t seem to break what is on her as I did with you though. I need your help.” There wasn’t thought, or planning in it. No. Casial jumped into her sister’s mind, trying to work through those barriers and wards. Trying to free here once more, as she had to before. 

Asphodel though, she was lost in the darkness once more. Screaming, keening as she reached for what she couldn’t have. What the void always took. That’s all it did, for the power it offered there was always a draw back. Something always had to leave. She could feel the lump in her throat grow as she watched her children, her three children she should have been able to love. To give the life she never got to have just get pulled into the darkness. It was always there, always consuming. “Enough! You’ve taken ENOUGH! Give them back! Give me my life back!” She screamed, the runes along her body glowing keeping the void from grabbing her...But, it didn’t keep anyone else safe. And once Casial made her presence in the ‘nightmare’ it went for her. “No! No not her! CASI! CASI!” Her heartbroken voice echoed as the darkness around the confessor started to envelop her, slowly dragging her back as Asphodel desperately grabbed her hand. “You can’t...You can’t have her! Please...Please!” 

When all seemed lost, Asphodel came to right before her sister vanished into the abyss. Now curled around her hand and gripping Casial’s hand tightly as Cy’Rua panted and fell back. “I...I did it. I...That was a strong spell. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took a bit longer than expected.” She gasped out.

The sisters hugged for the moment, clearly shaken. Who could do this? Get through all their wards? Attack them within their own home? Then a look of horror came to Asp’s features as she flung herself from the bed. “Where is Lya?”

The entire room seemed to pause, before Casial and Asphodel started running with Cy’Rua doing her best to keep up. There were no servants, no one. It was as if the whole manor was under the same nightmare inducing spell and when they got to Lya’s room, Asphodel dove towards her adopted daughter, cradling her face as Casial checked on the twins. 

Within her own mind, Lya was a child once more. Yet instead of being in Lordaeron, she was in the ruins of Theramore. Her brother and her father’s squire holding her hands as she tried to navigate through the rubble. “Sis...Sis slow dow-” “Shhh...” Her brother began, before Lya swiftly shushed him. “Whisper...Whisper or the-” But it was too late, above the crate they had been hiding behind was a horrific arcane imbued ghoul. It reached for her as she screamed, trying to push the older boys behind her. But, she promised, she promised her father she would get them out. That all those pranks, all that hiding she had been done would have been worth something...SOMETHING. But, it never reached her, the hand that had been there was completely gone as the ghoul burned in shadowy flame. There once again, like it had been before was Asphodel, offering her hand. “Its time to come home...”

Lya awoke to a tear stained face, but if it was from her or from Casial she couldn’t tell. The three women huddled, thoroughly spooked and terrified not only but what they had seen, but the thought of someone able to do it.

Cy’Rua stood, an outsider looking in. She knew she wasn’t really part of this family, but...Sometimes it was nice to think. But, watching well, it was moments like this she remembered. But, she could dwell on her feelings later. She had to figure this out, she had to find out who did this, and then maybe...Just maybe...

But, then it all clicked, it all made sense as she felt that burning presence getting closer and closer. She slowly turned, seeing the manor going up in flames outside this room as three figures made their way down the hallway. Two wreathed and fire and the last in shadow. “...Little nightmare, its time to come home.”

Cy’Rua woke with a start, panting and sweat soaked as she gazed around her room. A nightmare...That’s all it was. A nightmare. She curled up on her bed, still trying to catch her breath as she stared into the darkness. But, how long until they came? Was it a warning? Were they just trying to make her afraid?

A knock on her door startled her, a monotone yet almost comforting voice coming through. “Training, ten minutes.” Those were questions for another day, for now, it was time to carry on.

(Thank you for the ask! @thalsianiii )

[worstaid]

Send ’Fearmonger’ for a drabble about one of my muse’s worst fears.

💉  —— < LENA! >

For a man as young as he, Ludwig was strong. The two men restraining him by either arm had trouble keeping him from tearing free, sometimes clinging to just fabric before they managed to get a firm hold again. He had worked with these men, broke bread with these men, drank with these men, laughed with these men, called these men his friends. The same voices that had shared stories with him nights before were speaking in hushed tones on how to dissemble all he’d worked so hard - so long - to create.

< You went against my direct orders, Ludwig. > he spoke, voice thick with malice. Ludwig could see it, the way he looked down with such passive eyes, his features stolid, never before has such a cruel act been carried out by someone looking so bored. < You’ve wasted enough resources and time. Not just ours, but yours as well. Your time has run out, Ludwig. >

< Ghnn— LENA! >

His voice was brittle, teeth grit while he lunged forward, thrashing like a wild animal to save this. It wasn’t just his time, it was hers! The things he’d done, the things he’d subjected her to, the things she’d asked him to subject her to, it couldn’t all be for nothing. This extreme measure he’d taken was supposed to be the final stage of the process, and it was being torn apart right in front of him.

Her time was running out.

If he could just pause the clock, if he could just—

< You cannot play god, Ludwig. You may be a doctor, but you are still a man. >

For some reason, those words had pulled such vicious strength from deep within him, Ludwig finally broke free. He stumbled, damn-near toppled over trying to get to her, but froze mere steps away. Everything around him was still, the men, the machine, the harsh wind of Germany’s winter, everything but the sound of a beating heart, and a ticking clock.

< ...Lena, >

Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick...

< Lena, please, >

Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick...

< Please forgive me for being just a man. >

And there, suspended in the air, outstretched hand so close to pulling the men away from his work, Ludwig bowed his head,

and listened to her heart, and the clock, stop.

[misternohair]

Time got away from me and so did work with the beginning of the school year. Narrative campaign kicked ass and was a lot of fun. TL;DR before the cut: I won both games but true to Night Lords form it cost me more than I'd like. If you'd like more details, they're below.

The first game I played was against my partner’s Blades of Khaine on the Subsidence map. We acted as if this section of the Gallowdark was falling apart and one side had begun to slip at an angle, as if it were one long ramp. Mechanically, this meant that if we were dashing towards the eastern side of the board, we got to add an inch to our movement, but if we didn’t end our move within an inch of a terrain feature (wall, barricade, etc) we would be treated as if we were injured for the rest of our activation, as if we were off balance by not having something to hold on to. It was a refreshing change of pace.

My Night Lords dashed towards the mission objectives, only for half the team to get caught up fighting Aeldari Elites in a hallway, while the other half stayed sneaking over to the far room where the more valuable objectives were held. My Fearmonger managed to keep the Fast Bois from charging down the center and flanking me due to an early turn where I snuck him over to poison one of the objectives, but after a few skirmishes almost all of both of our elite teams were down to our last couple units. At the end, my very wounded Shrieker and their very wounded Exarch stood on one point while my plasma Gunner stood on the other. I was able to barely eke out a win, 6-5.

I was feeling good about things with my two requisition points (One I didn’t spend at the beginning and one from completing the match), but immediately during the casualty test rolled two 1's in a row, causing my poor Fearmonger to die. I decided to spend a requisition point to medivac him, resulting in him having a concussion, getting no xp, and sitting out the next game but being barely alive. My partner suggested a great narrative for his sudden return to life, in that he called out to Papa Nurgle for help at the last minute. What’s a little extra plague from the plague god to a man who loves nasty poisons?

The second game was against my good buddy’s Hearthkyn Salvagers, and we ended up with the Maze Breakout mission. My friend won the roll off, so he decided to pick defenders, and I was forced to run a gauntlet where the mission objective for me was to get as many of my heretics as possible to within 2 inches of his side of the board to escape, while his objective was to stop me. Thankfully for me, the Nemesis Claw is good at staying concealed from long range fire, but when it came time for me to start my ambush, I overzealously provided the waiting Squat railgun Gunner with a perfect opportunity to take my Shrieker’s head off almost immediately. In the spirit of vengeance, my plasma Gunner proceeded to systematically clear the room of dwarves, scoring 5 kills throughout the rest of the game and scoring some mission objectives before leaving!

On the other side of the board, my Visionary leader skulked his way through the far corridor, doing nothing most of the game aside from moving, dashing, and giving me an extra CP per turn with his Premonition ability. Meanwhile my Heavy Gunner and Ventrilokar moved up the center, doing a lot to cause a messy distraction. When the dust settled, my Heavy Gunner was down and the Votann were all dead. I really liked the concept of this mission, it was a really cool way to play without worrying about holding certain objectives. Highlight was definitely my Gunner’s plasma fueled rampage, and I managed to secure the win, 10-6.

However, with a 1/300 chance and luck that only I could have, I rolled four 1’s IN A ROW and BOTH my Skinthief and Heavy Gunner were slain. I decided to save my Heavy with a medivac and replace my Skinthief because in both games he charged into battle and was immediately bodied. RIP Skinthief, sometimes when you Blood Ferda Blood God you end up giving your own blood. My victory and salvage secured I am ahead, but now I have no requisition points to refit, rearm, or replace any future casualties. Here’s hoping I’m not continuously screwed moving forward.

The narrative campaign was a lot of fun and I can’t wait to play again, despite my pyrrhic victory. Next I get to fight my friend running the Inquisitorial Agents, which will be a great opportunity for them to bring vengeance to the most hated Imperium…

Ave Dominus Nox, baby

Starting a Narrative Campaign in Kill Team today! I'm so excited!