#still the game should come with a big warning for people with Ed

[une-erreur-inconnur]

Cheritz's writer opinion on health is always so... off putting. Shouldn't it be good for someone who's sick to have a bit fat? That's what the body use in case of emergency, the alternative is to attack the muscles...

[try-set-me-on-fire]

wip game: should we talk about the weather 👀

Hehehehehehe big bang fic!!! Hmm I’ll share the pitch I gave to the event artists (hehehe…)

In a world where certain individuals are capable of sharing their own instincts and feelings — and even occasionally physical strength — with their likewise capable partners, Eddie and Buck, and Hen and Chim are what people sometimes call congeneric minds. It comes in handy in a high stakes profession like firefighting to have two people in such synchronization, able to warn each other of danger without ever having to waste time opening their mouths to speak.

Being so in sync with someone doesn’t necessarily mean smooth sailing communication however. Recently back at work after taking time off post-shooting, Eddie worries about Buck and how he’s been dealing with the events of the last year (last several years, really) but doesn’t know how to bring it up when he himself has always kind of encouraged them to move past life changing events with little discussion. While Hen and Chim are getting along just fine, Chimney and Maddie are dancing around each other and their recent breakup, and Hen feels trapped between disappointing her mother or her wife while being roped into backyard wedding planning.

With danger ever present on the job and turmoil seemingly always bubbling outside it, will everyone find the right words before it’s too late?

AKA what if people could be drift compatible in regular life without giant robots, and they’re all disasters at communicating anyway

And here’s a snippet!

Eddie doesn’t get around to talking to Buck till a week later. They’re in Eddie’s house again, but Buck has started to look exhausted everywhere, all the time, nothing special anymore about the way his eyelids droop when he walks in through this specific door. It’s worse than usual today. They had a hell of a long call — a rockslide down on the PCH, outside of their usual range but it was bad enough that the responding station had called for any back up they could possibly get — and Eddie’s wrist and shoulders and whole damn body aches from the hours of grueling work. Buck has to be feeling it, too. Eddie heads right to the bathroom, grabbing the tube of arnica gel that keeps this household running some days.

He doesn’t know how to bring anything up. We need to talk feels as ridiculous as it does dire. That’s a movie script confrontation, as contrived and meaningless as it’s not you, it’s me, or I’m sorry for your loss. Buck is his best friend, and also their fucking hearts beat in rhythm. He can do better.

“My leg hurts sometimes,” is what ends up coming out of his mouth when he gets back to the living room. Your ache is mine. A little poetic, but whatever. It gets the point across. Share it with me, please. We already do, so why are you hiding it?

Buck is sprawled on the floor next to the couch, Eddie isn’t sure why. He looks up at him silently for a few moments, and then rubs at his shoulder. Answer enough. Eddie barely has to look as he tosses him the gel, sure Buck will catch it as Eddie sits on the couch with a sigh. He watches Buck, still prone, hike up his pant leg and start massaging arnica into his calf muscles.

“Are you… doing okay?” It feels stupid to say.

Buck looks at him like it’s stupid to hear, too. His fingers drum a few times over one of the jagged lines still drawn up his shin. “‘M fine, Eds. Just a long day.”

Eddie purses his lips, shaking his head back and forth in a slow roll against the back of the couch. “You know that’s not what I meant.” His hand lifts up to catch the tossed arnica without thinking about it. He looks down at Buck, sprawled out, looking back up at him. “I want to… know that you’re okay. And, Buck, I’m here if you’re not.”

Buck sits up with a sigh that’s more petulant and annoyed than Eddie wishes it was. He rests his chin on his bent knee. “I know. But I’m- I’ll be fine. Stop worrying.”

Eddie snorts at that. “Oh, yeah, that’s something I’m great at.”

Buck’s smile grows so tenderly across his face. “I know.” He twitches his right pointer finger three times and Eddie’s moves involuntarily with he tug. “Come on,” he says, standing up with a groan. “Let’s make the pizza.”

They’d bought the ingredients together — sort of together, Buck on the phone at the grocery store and Eddie and Chris shouting requests down the line — earlier that week, and Chris will be home soon from a friend’s house and likely starving from the hard work of being a twelve year old all day long. He’s old enough that the novelty of making the pizza himself is less appealing than being able to immediately eat it, even if Buck had made sad faces as he’d relayed his instructions to make it in his absence. And this is all a distraction, Eddie knows it is, but Buck is smiling down at him and his finger goes tug, tug, tug, and he lets him get away with it.

[abubblingcandle]

ED fic? I’m guessing this one is gonna break me

I'm sorry in advance anon. It's a very sad one ngl. I've posted about it in response to another ask here and will tag this one with the same trigger warnings and put more details under the cut

A big culminating part of Chapter 1 of this is Jamie reaching out for help and there's no one there and I'm contemplating how to handle it. It comes after the first few games of Zava's tenure (and so I need to rewatch the beginning of S3 lol) and Jamie collapses on the training pitch. He's taken to the nutritionists and physios and lies his ass off about why his weight is so low and is given a notebook to keep a food log. He goes home and can't eat anything and it actually hits him that this is a problem. And so he calls people for help but everyone's too busy and it causes the spiral. I just need to work out how to put it into Jamie POV now ...

Another little snippet carrying on from the prior linked snippet -

His breath hitched in his throat as everything tightness. Nails dug into his legs as the notebook lay discarded in front of him, the little crescent indents the only thing reminding him that he still had a body to fall apart within. Why couldn’t he just pull out one of the nutritionist approved meals, stick it in the microwave, sit at the table and eat it while doom scrolling on his phone? It should be so easy. Tears stuck to his eyelashes and he didn’t even have the energy blink them away. He just let them fall. He was so tired, so broken that he couldn’t even cry properly. Jamie stayed sat there, for he didn’t know how long. His back was tight and his nail indents were leaving a slow trickle of blood down his shins. It felt like that should hurt, like he should feel that he was bleeding. Jamie’s juttery breathing echoed around his head. It didn’t feel like his body anymore. How could it be if he didn’t even feel it when it hurt?

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 2013 They still haven’t left next door, and we’re still having chilly mornings. Yesterday afternoon, however, was the first time in days we had to run the AC. We’ll be close to 90° come Friday. :)

I sit here and I look around me, and despite the minor annoyances like traffic and landscaping, I still can’t believe we ended up in such a nice house. And so big, too. I really thought we were going to end up in another undersized dump, or at least a dump. We would have if we hadn’t gotten out when we did.

Had some strange dreams last night, both in which I didn’t seem to know Tom. In one dream I won some therapy appointments, LOL, and my parents, who were alive and well, took me to see a woman who seemed to be in her late 30s or so. She had long thick, wavy brown hair.

I went up these stairs and into her office, which was a large room. She was the first thing I saw. She smiled and said hello and I smiled, too. But then I glanced to the side and saw other people in the room as well. Not being a fan of group therapy, I turned and left the room. The woman called after me about the benefits of group therapy as opposed to one-on-one, but I wasn’t interested. Besides, my life was going just fine. I went to fetch my parents so we could leave, only they weren’t sitting up in chairs in a waiting room. They were asleep on a full-size bed in a small room.

In the last dream, I was about to or already had received a life sentence for who knows what, but the prison wasn’t anything like a real prison. It was co-ed and the security was such a joke that I felt confident that I could easily escape. The problem was where to go afterward.

Most of the “inmates” were young and immature. But one guy named Michael was a little older and a lot smarter. My dream self took immediately to the gray-eyed guy with brown curly hair who was soon to be released. At dinnertime, we spoke of escaping. He said it should be easy enough and I said, “I know. I was waiting outside the office building one time and slowly wandered over to the front gate. At first I was afraid to approach it, but then said, who cares? Who cares if a swarm of guards come after me? I’m going down for life anyway.”

Michael warned me about being sensible about making my escape and not doing anything foolish just because escaping wouldn’t be that difficult.

Then they loaded about 8 of us into a van to go to a fast-food place. The place must’ve been pretty far away, though, cuz we stopped for a cigarette break along the way. I just walked around and enjoyed the fresh air since I didn’t smoke. Everyone got back in the van and the door slid shut before I could hop in. I ran alongside the van shouting to the driver. He saw me and decided to play games by making me run alongside the van. His laughter was soon replaced by comments commending me on being such a good runner when he finally let me back in the van.

At the so-called fast food place, we ate in what looked like oversized bathroom stalls only there were no toilets. Just these weird tables and benches I couldn’t figure out how to sit on. Michael told me which way to face in the seat but my ass seemed to be too big for the seat.

“Our own room,” I said, thinking Michael and I were the only ones in that “booth” and could talk about my escape in private. But then I saw some other guy in the corner of the room and quickly shut up.

At one point after we ate I casually walked off, though I don’t know how far I got or where I went.

Later…

Posted a few quick rat vids on Facebook and swapped messages with Alison. Sure enough, she asked if I were behind the “April Smith” thing. A girl named Gabby reported to her that Kim went on a huge rant on her FB page about someone pretending to be Kathy and Molly. I pretended to be Kathy, not Molly, but that’s just Kim for you.

What’s funny is that she keeps changing her Twitter name but I keep finding it. That’s because she makes it so damn obvious because they’re just variations of the same name. I was surprised to see a 7-hour lag in tweets earlier, then she reported in saying she was busy being “Mattified.” Yeah, I’ll bet she was. Being other people is what she does best, along with lying and being unbelievably paranoid and delusional. She really, really seems to think everyone is out to get her. But she’s a really bad liar when she claims she hasn’t been to any of my sites in over a year unless it’s a so-called alter visiting me she’s not aware of. I’ve wondered if someone could’ve been impersonating her, though I highly doubt it. She was just too damn obvious. Besides, who would go to such trouble and take the time to pull off such an elaborate impersonation of the nut for so long? It was her. Trust me, it was her.

As Aly said, her mind is fascinating but highly disturbing.

Coincidently, Enfield, CT popped into my OD diary right around the time I was picking on Kim. Although the person has a mobile device and Cox, it’s still hard to believe it’s her and that she’d show up as being in Enfield, but it’s still possible.

She definitely read my blog last night because right after she read the “plant” in it where I claimed to have reactivated Ask just to be anonymously asked to follow (I named Kim’s accounts) on Twitter, she protected her tweets.

Nane was posting the usual kinds of TR pics I’ve already seen enough of but didn’t contact me. Oh well, I’m used to it. Maybe I’ll make her wait on me someday.

Here’s a funny Twitter story for you. Since people often don’t use their real names anyway, I decided to go with what’s trending to see if my follower count went up. So I became “Jodi Arias Hater,” and jumped 4 followers in less than a day. One follower is a famous judge in Miami. I never heard of him but I guess he has his own TV show. However, the intended goal wasn’t just to get more followers just for the sake of having more followers, but to get people to link to my blog and drive up book sales. Since blog traffic hasn’t gone up, though, I don’t see why book sales will. As with everything else that involves money, I have totally failed as an author. Oh well. At least Tom’s “allowed” to make more than enough.

I still worry about circumstances leading us back into the hands of poverty (with a little help from above), and I’m not talking about the kind where you’re tight for a while and that outfit you want has to wait a few months. I’m talking about the kind where you go hungry and are facing homelessness. As Tom pointed out, though, we just made another space payment and a mortgage payment, plus we’ve spent tons of money on new things for the house, yet the savings is going up. It’s going up slowly, but it’s going up. The 401K is going up faster.

As I was pointing out to him yesterday, first I wanted to win to get ahead in life, now I want to win so I can hire people to tackle the walls of OUR home. It’s not that I mind doing it myself, but I’m no pro. I don’t know that I could do that good a job. About 80% of the paneling in here was painted at some point and I can tell a pro did it cuz there isn’t a single drop of paint on the trim anywhere.

I dug up the old roast recipe my mother taught me when I last saw her in May of 1997 when she visited us in Phoenix. One of the few good contributions she ever left me. Only this idiot here forgot to add spices and didn’t add enough water either. It’s still plenty edible, though. I just added the spices afterward, more water, and cooked it at a lower temp for longer. Oh, the propane cooking this thing would’ve sucked up! LOL, it’s why I never cooked it while we were in the trailer as much as I wanted to at times, especially during the cooler weather. Now that we’re in a real house, the time of year doesn’t matter, though it’s still nothing I’d want to cook during the summer when we’re in triple digits.

I even managed to screw up poor Tom’s ice cream, LOL, by accidentally placing his chocolate topping shell in the refrigerator. He had to wait forever for it to warm up and turn to liquid again.

Anyway, for a whopping $15, we got an eye of the round roast. I put it in a big black roasting pot and dumped in a can of French onion soup and a can of golden mushroom soup, followed by 2 cans of water and a couple of cans of whole potatoes (these were mostly for Tom). You cook it at 350° for 3 or more hours.

You’ll be water-picking and brushing your teeth for sure afterward cuz you get strings of meat between them – ew. We got these super high-powered toothbrushes. I won one like it back in 2006 that was then worth over $100, but couldn’t find replacement heads anywhere. Now they’re common and much cheaper. So for $30 apiece, we each got one.

Neighborhood report now. No landscaping sounds today or yesterday, but the house on the side got annoying cuz they’re moving out. It’s still for sale, though, so we don’t think they’re moving cuz the house sold, but more likely because the owner died or went into some type of assisted living program and that’s why it’s for sale. It’s going to be a tough sale. Too high, bad location. They’re asking way too much for the place and it’s right on the edge of the park. Screaming kids, barking dogs, loud music – you’ll hear it all if you’re in that house and the people across the street and just beyond the wall happen to have any of that shit going.

Yesterday there were a ton of vehicles and door slamming. A really loud pickup was making trips in and out till after 9pm. A U-Haul was parked there when I got up, but it left shortly afterward and I haven’t seen or heard much activity there since. Still gotta deal with open house traffic and whoever moves in, but there are worse things to deal with. Watch, though, I told Tom. As soon as the newcomers get settled in, another one around us will go up for sale. Well, it won’t be next door, thankfully. They’re quiet 99% of the time. Almost too good to be true. I just can’t believe we got lucky enough to get such great neighbors, retirement community or not. They’re living proof, though, that you really can be civilized and you don’t have to make a scene every day and make your every move noticed. We’re talking two people just a few feet away. So Jesse, that one person who was a few hundred feet away, didn’t have to carry on like he did. There was simply no reason or excuse to be that noisy so often. So glad we’re not there anymore!

I haven’t had any energy to work out today. At least not for high-impact stuff. So I hit the floor and did some floor exercises like back bows, pushups, leg raises and ab/oblique crunches. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have the energy for the butt kickers, lateral jumps, jumping jacks, burpees, lunges and squats.

Later…

The pregnant God-lover popped into my blog for 8 minutes, no doubt due to Kim’s urging, since MD is closed today. It was open yesterday to make it a handy reference for me, but once I was done with what I had to do today, I set it private again. I’m sure Kim checks it every day to see if it’s open. Still don’t get why she’s determined to dodge tracking, though.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2013 Tom says there’s no way it was in the 40s yesterday morning and that Yahoo! was wrong. Maybe so, but it sure has been cooler. I like it hot when I’m not sleeping or working out, so I can be without robes, slippers and long sleeves. I like to hang out barefoot in shorts.

Tom’s got to work today and I’ll be in for lots of sweat and hunger doing those killer 1000-calorie workouts. As I hit mid-cycle the water slowly begins to come on, so I’m up a pound. I also ate a little more yesterday and most of it was the wrong foods. But damn that Velveeta cheese and shells cup was good!

I asked Tom if he thinks I’ll adapt to the everyday buzzing of landscaping equipment like I have with the traffic, and he said yes. I hope he’s right! It’s the weekend now and the two places with grass in their yards in the immediate area have already been done, so it may be quieter. It was actually quieter for the last two days. Just some buzzing diagonally from us for a half-hour or so right when I went to watch a video yesterday afternoon.

As disappointing as the sweeping’s been, I’m going to go get sweeping. My sweep subscription doesn’t end till Nov. 2nd anyway.

Later…

I’ve been doing my best to distance myself from Kim and hoping she’d do the same, but since we’re not always treated the way we treat others, I finally broke down. I couldn’t resist. So I created “April Smith” on Twitter and friended Kim with a plan in mind for the gullible, crazy sack of shit. April is 30, disabled from a car accident, and home alone bored in her apartment with lots of time to spare. She lives in Anaheim, too. I then randomly grabbed a face shot of a fat blond in that age range for her profile pic.

My goal is going to be hard to accomplish because Kim is both delusional and a liar. The idea is to try to get inside her head and see what’s really going on. To pay attention to things I never paid attention to back when we were “friends.” If I can get a handle on what makes her tick, then maybe she’ll be easier to deal with in the future.

I read her explanation of why she feels it’s best to block her ex-friends on Facebook “before they have a chance to find her,” but it didn’t make sense. Like I consciously go looking for her. rolls eyes Common problems with stalkers; they act like you’re the one stalking them.

Already I’ve got her talking about “loonies” which are her ex-friends and the ex-BF she never had. I’ve protected my tweets and am trying to get her to PM me so no one else who may be connected to Aly, Kathy or anyone else can see enough of our exchanges to figure out who I am. I doubt they would, but you never do know. I don’t want to move too fast and scare her off, but once I can get her to open up about me, I’ll hopefully get a sense of how close she’s stalking me, though I don’t know how much she’d be willing to admit no matter how much she may trust “April.” Or how much she even remembers. Again, if my MPD theory is right, she’s not always aware of what she does. At least not totally aware of it.

Based on the times she tweets, she seems to sleep from around 3am to noon her time and practically lives online as I pretty much suspected. I don’t see how she could possibly have a job. The bulk of her time is spent obsessing over celebrities. Gee, what a surprise. She creates tons of fan sites and interacts with those who are also fans. I had to pretend I was a Glee fan. Hope she doesn’t ask me any questions about the show I can’t answer.

I’m not going to play this game forever, of course, so how I’ll end it I’m not sure of right now. Maybe I’ll freak her out a bit by saying something like how I’m sorry her father died. Something she knows I shouldn’t know, LOL. Or maybe I’ll say I’m a friend of Kathy’s and how Kathy wants to dump her and all that.

Not sure if I want to let Alison in on what I’m doing or not. There’s still a part of me that’s hesitant to trust her. I’m 90-something percent sure I could, but maybe I’ll wait a while. I skimmed Kim’s private tweets once she added me and couldn’t find any mention of me. Just whining about Aly feeling “left out” and falsely flattering herself by thinking Aly cares enough to peek in on her that she’s got to hurry up and block her.

Anyway, I’m trying to get her to take the bait but she keeps running off. Got to make more fan sites. rolls eyes It’s sad that this deranged, 300-pound virgin with nothing but time can do nothing but live in a fantasy world and basically dedicate her life to these celebs she never met… when she’s not harassing people she was once friends with.

Molly hit my LJ blog real quick early this morning, so the “changed and restricted woman” is back at it again. I’m sure she’ll be back soon enough, but why that blog? She usually goes to MO. Either way, the only one she can read right now is on Blogger.

Later…

Game’s over. Already. And I did not expect it to end this way. Not at first anyway. I quickly got bored with the so-called attempt to get into her crazy head and realized I wasn’t going to get any useful info from her. So I said I was a friend of Kathy’s and that Kathy was pissed at her for hitting on Adam. The crazy bitch got off on it at first, laughing and saying how “fun” this was.

Then she disappeared for nearly an hour (probably to go confront Kathy), and then I unfollowed her and she unfollowed me. I then changed my u/n, but it was too late. The account was already suspended. It was either automatically flagged and shut down due to her blocking me, or she reported it. Chances are it was shut down for being a new account that received something like 4-5 blocks. Action wouldn’t have been taken that fast had she reported me, and there was nothing to “report.” Unless there’s spam, excessive foul language or threats, you can’t shut someone down for saying stuff you don’t want to hear. I could’ve agreed to behave, checked a few boxes and sprung the account back to life, but I don’t need it anymore.

After we were disconnected, I then peeked in on her public account from my real account and while she never named names, clearly she suspects me. I would’ve thought she thought either Aly or I was behind it, but what narrowed it down to me was how she said she has “left me and my sites alone.” Well, Aly doesn’t have sites. She’s had a few FB accounts trying to escape this loon, but she hasn’t been active on Ask or any blogging site that I know of.

She threatened to get me in trouble if I keep it up, of course, and admitted it was “fun” at first till it got creepy. And damn, how did they find her?

I’m surprised she didn’t run and shut all the accounts down like she always used to. Instead, she started to change the name of her public one, then changed it back.

Stop lying and leave her friends and family alone, she says. Oh, but it’s perfectly ok for her to hit up the friends of those who dumped her, right?

Enough of that fucktard.

When Aly questions me about it, and unfortunately she will, I’m not going to lie and say I had nothing to do with it. I’ll tell her what I did and why. If she tells Kim, she tells Kim, but I doubt she will.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2013 It’s been unusually cold. It’s now just 40fucking6 degrees out and I’m not liking it one bit. Had to run the heat for a little while, but have switched it off and put my robe on till it warms up. It’s to be back in the 80s today, thankfully. When I’m not sleeping or working out, I hate being cold!

I guess they haven’t left yet next door, after all. I noticed their light on early this morning when I walked into the kitchen.

Last night in my dreams my rats turned into shrieking guinea pigs, someone installed gray carpet in here that was wavy, and then my whorebag brother returned from the dead to take me swimming in some filthy stream.

Still plugging away at the French one lesson at a time, and still not sure which is harder, French or Italian. Probably French.

Have to give my muscles a day of recovery after yesterday’s kick-ass workout. Imagine doing jumping jacks and push-ups for an hour and a half straight. Well, that’s how intense these workouts are. I’ve even got a pulled muscle in my foot. So other than laundry, I’m going to be sitting on my ass all day. Only my brain and hands will be active.

Sometimes I ask myself why I bother killing myself with these insane workouts till I remember how good they make me feel. I was delighted to catch a glimpse of my profile in the mirror this morning to see how much my tummy, lower back and ass have gone down. My upper tummy is virtually flat again, even if I still kind of have to either suck it in or lay flat on my back.

Got views yesterday and today from the Sac, but no more dreams of the Doc. GA isn’t nearly as detailed as TIP is, so I can’t say what time or what pages they viewed.

After talking with Aly yesterday, I’d say the 2 San Angelo and 2 Junction visits were Kathy. They’ve really been restricting Molly’s online activity from what she’s been told. She and Kathy share a mutual friend who says she and Kim have become chummy for some reason lately. Maybe that’s because Kim goes along with everything she says, a must if you want to remain Kathy’s friend. I know Kathy was also afraid to stir Kim up due to her craziness.

Anyway, Kim has a couple of private Twitter accounts, and she is reading my blog. We just don’t know if she’s having Kathy read it for her or if she’s figured out how to disable cookies. The accounts are under celebrity names, of course. She started following a friend of Aly’s who returned the favor. The friend reports her 20+ tweets saying she’s not feeling well, people are picking on her even though she’s done nothing to deserve it, etc. Well, apparently I’m “harassing” her by blogging about her friending friends of those who have dumped her under false pretenses.

We have long given up trying to figure her out and how her twisted mind works. All I know is that for some reason she is determined to remain as anonymous as possible where I’m concerned, and thank God, too. The day she decides to come at me from bogus accounts, or as herself, is the day she could make my online life a bit of a bitch. The fact that she hides from me tells me she must have some awareness of what she’s done and is at least somewhat worried she may get in trouble for pestering me. But will things remain the same with her year after year? Or will she eventually get worse and worse till someone stops her?

While a part of me misses some of the drama and found some of it to be a bit amusing (I guess because it’s just so silly and childish), it’s important that I look out for myself. The last thing I want is this nutjob making trouble for me in other ways. She couldn’t play the race card since she’s also white, but God above would make damn sure that she won, and I, the victim, was the one to get screwed. I meant it when I said I’d never let anyone put me through that again.

Another part of me is tempted to reopen MD and Ask, but not allow for anonymous questions on Ask.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2013 Again I dreamed of my dentist, though I don’t remember any details of the dream. Why do I dream of her so often? I had another local visitor yesterday early in the morning (this time listed as being in Sacramento), so maybe some of my local visits really are from her and I’m sensing her presence in my dreams or something.

“I don’t have to like anyone I don’t want to like. I don’t have to feel guilty for it either.”

Saw this on someone’s wall and totally agree. I used to feel a tinge of guilt and shame and tended to hide the fact that I’m not particularly fond of some individuals as well as some groups of people who, if you’re willing to open your eyes and your mind to the statistics, aren’t very helpful to society. But not anymore. Hey, as long as we’re not harming anyone, we all have a right to like and dislike whomever we please the same as we do with foods, music and color. No one likes everyone and no one is liked by everyone. Like it or not, that’s just a fact of life. Might as well deal with it.

Lost another pound, so now I’m down 9 pounds total with 36 more to go. Still doubt I’ll lose that much, but am glad to have stopped gaining. Had 1200 calories yesterday and might take it up to 1500 today. I’m hungry as hell. This is typical after hitting a new low. I dread entering the PMS zone when I tend to have days when nothing I eat fills me up. Did one of those 1000-calorie workouts yesterday and another one today that I haven’t done before. As usual, I fell short on some of the cardio training due to the extra weight (and maybe age?) but did better on the strength and core strengthening. Been pushing myself so hard that I may have to take a day off tomorrow or do a shorter video that’s about 20 minutes. Today I did an 84-minute one that was the longest 84 minutes of my life, LOL. Might as well have been 884 minutes. I’m totally burned out now and am glad I don’t have any cleaning or laundry to do today. I actually feel like I could take a nap. Just maybe I will. I’ll kick on the sound machine and just relax and drown out those damn landscaping sounds, which will probably start up in another half hour or so.

Later…

Wow. It’s just after 10am and still peaceful. No landscapers, no door slamming, no nothing yet. Part of that may be due to it being the coldest it’s been since moving in here. It’s even windy enough that I can hear my newest wind chime in front. It hangs just outside the window barely 5’ from where I sit.

Anyway, it got down to a frigid 67° inside the house, but the sun is now warming the place up nicely. It’s to be 76° today. The cold is better for sleeping and working out, though I do not like it much otherwise. I had to laugh, though, knowing we’d have the heat on for damn sure if we were still in that little old trailer. It would’ve been too warm not to go to bed with the window open and I’d wake up freezing and scramble to shut the window and get the heat going.

Bye, bye, Bob and Virginia. Yeah, they just left for vacation. Tom was on his way to pick up the mail yesterday when Virginia jumped out to meet him. She wanted to let us know that she and Bob are going on vacation for 3 weeks and that their son will be keeping an eye on the place, so we wouldn’t think anyone broke in. Since they don’t have a dog, why the close eye in a gated retirement community in a nice neighborhood? Maybe they have a cat or plants to water. Hopefully, the kid will park in front and go around to the front door instead of parking alongside us and going into the garage. If he does park by us, hopefully he comes and goes and quietly as his parents do. The light was on at 5am as usual this morning, so I saw from the kitchen window and knew they hadn’t left yesterday night.

She also said she’d have more tomatoes for us next year (I told Bob the previous morning when I had the front door open and saw him shut the back of his SUV how good they were).

I love our new home, park and neighborhood, but really get sick of the landscaping sounds, as I’ve said before. I heard what sounded like tree branches being thrown in a wood chipper in the common area yesterday and it was louder than what I usually hear. I guess that after the first rain, they are eager to prep for the winter rains, assuming we get that much. It’s almost impossible to do anything that requires a quiet background in the daytime, especially between 9am - 2pm. In some ways, I hear more here than at the Jes pest, though I’d still take the predictable sounds at predictable hours without the welfare bums mixed in. It’s still dead quiet most of the time, too. All I hear now are vehicles speeding down the freeway, a pleasant sound.

Andy suggested going to Macy’s and asking for makeup tips, but right now I’ve got more important things to focus on than trying to pretty up my face. For now, I’ll adopt the “don’t like it, don’t look” attitude. After I see how much more progress I can make from the neck down, then maybe I’ll consider the face.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2013 Had trouble typing on my new keyboard and decided to switch back to my old one again. I like its layout better even though they’ve changed it a bit to make the newer keyboards skinnier.

I’ve lost 8 pounds in the 2 months we’ve been here. That may not seem like much, but to one as short as I am it goes a long way. I did a rigorous hour of kickboxing cardio this morning and have come to realize how much less boring doing a variety of videos is compared to the treadmill. The treadmill is boring whether I read while I’m at it, listen to music or watch TV. The vids provide a fun variety of routines whereas walking and running are just walking and running. I didn’t have the room to bop around to vids in the trailer, but now that I do I may retire the treadmill for a while. It was fun for the few years I had it and it has served its purpose, but a break from the thing is definitely in order. For now, my mat, dumbbells, and resistance bands are enough. Tom doesn’t care for running but may want to use the treadmill for walking.

I don’t see how you can really burn many calories and lose much weight from yoga or other no to low-impact activities. Some people who are older and or prone to injuries may have no choice, but I find the high-energy workouts more effective. I’m still a big girl, though, so some of the jumping exercises are still a bit much for me, and I have to improvise. But I feel like I’m really working out when my heart’s pumping and the sweat’s pouring. Yeah, I’m really on my way to becoming an expert on hooks, jabs, uppercuts, crossovers, burpees, star jumps and more.

I may always look fat, old and ugly, but damn do I need to do something about my makeup these days. Andy had said (in an honest way and not a hurtful one), that the way my makeup looked in pictures taken a few years ago reminded him of a character in the movie Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. It’s true that makeup simply doesn’t look like it once did on me, even though I apply it the same as always. It makes me look more clownish these days rather than just made up, so I’ve eased up on the mascara since my eyelashes have always been ridiculously long. In the picture, he pointed out I also didn’t have any foundation on and so I looked sunburned due to whatever (rosacea?) has been causing the constant redness in my face that began about 6 years ago.

Still get the runs at times too, and still don’t know why. I eat healthy and I get enough fiber. I have no stress or anxiety in my life right now either.

I opened the windows yesterday and ran the central fan to air the place out a bit. Opening some of these 30-year-old windows is a bitch! I’d like to replace them someday. I just feel so – I guess exposed is the word – when windows are open. I may not be so private online, but I like my privacy on the home front. I definitely miss the seclusion of the woods, but not the Jes pest that ruled those woods. Or his mutts.

It stayed quiet till 9:00 yesterday morning, then it was on to musical car doors with a burst of landscaping somewhere in back at 9:30, and a round in front at lunchtime. I suppose Bob will blow himself today, though I still love it here very much. I’m not going to let any evil God get this place, too. I just wish He hadn’t taken my winnings. He gave me a condition that prevents me from working. Then He helped see to it that I couldn’t get the compensation I deserve. My only financial contribution to our household was my wins, but it looks like He’s gone and taken that, too. I guess I’m just meant to be as “valuable” as an old cigar wrapper, and again I am thankful to have a husband who sees my love and upkeeping of the pets and house as sufficient enough. You know you are truly loved when conditions don’t matter and you simply do what you can do and that’s plenty good enough.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2013 Amongst the usual spider dreams and dreams of being held places against my will, and even being dumb enough to type a long journal entry that I lost on MD, which doesn’t have an auto-save, I had a sad and scary dream about Andy.

Andy called and sounded very down and worn out. I asked him what was wrong. He hesitated a moment, then said, “I’ve got cancer.” I knew by the way he said it that it wasn’t treatable. After we hung up Tom gathered me into his arms as I cried, “I don’t want to lose my best friend!”

If it were before the fall of 2011, I’d be scared shitless for him. I wouldn’t expect him to actually die of cancer, but I would expect something to go wrong for him. The vast majority of my negative dreams were coming true like crazy between 2007-2011. Every time I would dream of a friend or a family member dying, getting into an accident, or becoming seriously ill, something bad would happen to them. I had dreams of Tammy dying and her lung condition worsened. A friend also died in my dreams that was dealing with breast cancer. That lying shit Maliheh fell overboard from a speedboat in one of my dreams and came within 500’ of being wiped out by a tornado around the same time.

Again, if it were a couple of years ago I’d worry and say that his next 72 hours were critical, not that any of my dreams have ever altered fate. But I seem to have lost most of my psychic abilities. I can’t influence myself to win like crazy like I used to, and I haven’t had any dream premonitions in quite a while now.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2013 So Mommy Dearest has been dead for a year now. Not long enough. Just not long enough. As I told my sister, who also struggles with horrible memories, since God didn’t give a damn about how she treated us when she was alive, hopefully He very much gives a damn right now if there is such a thing as life after death. raises imaginary wine glass Here’s to hoping the Hündin is stuck on a plane full of tarantulas!

I had a dream I was wandering through our backyard at the house I grew up in. I slowly climbed up the steep, but brief hill into the wooded area with a small clearing in which my old swing set sat. I walked beyond the swings and to the fence in back. It used to be a seemingly endless stretch of nothing but woods, and as a child, I did not dare climb over that fence, lest any monsters pop out from behind the trees and eat me alive. But in the dream, I was an adult and I knew it was safe to cross the fence. I proceeded to climb over it, but then the woods gave way to long freshly paved streets in which houses with no walls adorned the sides. I could see kitchens, bedrooms and living rooms as I walked down the wide road, but there were no walls and no people in sight. Everything was open and modern, yet barren and lonely.

Last night I looked at my old house and the house next to it where my maternal grandparents lived on Google Maps. The once well-manicured lawns and well-kept roads have changed quite a bit. The roads are now all beat up and the neighborhood as a whole looks rather ordinary with a few newer mansions that are a bit nicer. Gone are the vast expanses of woods in back in which new homes now sit. You couldn’t see any houses in back in the ’70s, but now you can see rooftops peeking through the trees. My parents and grandparents definitely wouldn’t have liked that at all. Gone are the lush hedges that once divided the properties and added some privacy. Now they’re nothing but scattered, dead-looking clumps of bushes. If my grandparents were still alive, would they still be there? I wonder.

My other dream was about Tom and I outside our place, only it didn’t quite look like this place. On the side of the house toward the roof was a giant spider. Tom was prepping this thing you hook to a hose that shoots a mix of poison and water, and I cried out, “Hurry up! The thing is starting to move upwards. Hurry!”

Later…

Although TIP missed them, I’ve got visitors, according to GA, from San Angelo and Junction, Texas. Molly-related? Either way, why aren’t they showing up on TIP? San Angelo once showed up on TIP, and I thought it could be Molly-connected, even though it’s closer to where Kathy is.

Love my new rat figurines, which would’ve been perfect if one’s paw hadn’t fallen off along the way. It’s barely noticeable, though, and not worth returning.

The mornings have been chilly and the AC didn’t even run at all yesterday. Today it will, though, cuz it’s to be 85°. I was thinking I might open windows and air the place out on Thursday because it’s supposed to be windy that day.

While I slept on Sunday, Tom said it poured like crazy for a few minutes, then drizzled the rest of the day. Really wish it would stop raining only at night or on Sundays, leaving the week wide open to the annoying landscapers. Wish the house across the side street would hurry up and sell too, so there won’t be as much traffic coming to see the place.

Early yesterday morning we went to Walgreens and got some fun stuff. Those little things we women love – perfume, nail polish, lip gloss and Calgon’s English Garden bath beads. I don’t take baths very often, but when I do it will be nice to have soft, silky, fragrant water. It was either that or bubble bath. I also got a lovely blue beaded bracelet, and I think that was it.

Tom said there’s no use making all this money if we’re not going to spend some of it, and it was good to get out anyway. He got a few things, too.

All my cleaning, working out and writing-related stuff is done for the day, along with my French lesson, so I think I’ll spend the rest of my day, which began last evening, with videos and reading.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2013 It’s freezing in here! Most wouldn’t think 72° was cold, but I’m used to it being 78° - 82° in here. It’s great for working out, though. Yesterday I completed a 64-minute, 1000-calorie workout that burns 500-1000 calories. I’m so proud of myself! It was a very intense workout and even my hands were sweating. I’d give most people my age 5-10 minutes tops, although I myself did fall a few seconds short on a couple of exercises. Having extra weight can really bog you down on some of them, but I am slowly losing weight and inches and will continue to do so for as long as I can. Love how much better I feel! My flexibility is returning and I haven’t had any joint pain.

My bad ear has been worse overall, though, since the move, and I wonder if the drop in elevation could have anything to do with it. I often feel an achy pressure-like sensation and so I decided to pop a couple of Aleve at the start of each day rather than wait for the discomfort to set in. Then if I feel any irritation come on in the middle of the day, I can take more if need be.

Good and bad news from Tammy. They can’t operate on Mark because it would be too risky. He could either live for years or drop dead today. It’s a scary thing for them to have to live with, but they intend to make the best of what he’s got left. That’s all anyone can do is make the best of whatever life/situation they’ve got, for we’re not in the driver’s seat of our lives as much as we’d like to think we are, and no, we don’t quite always have “free will.”

Tammy will soon make an appointment with her pulmonologist to see what they’re going to do in her case and when.

So many people are getting sick these days, so it seems. While I don’t usually care to know about those I don’t personally know, I once idolized Linda Ronstadt, and it’s sad to know she’s got Parkinson’s, even though she seemed perfectly normal in one of her more recent interviews.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2013 I know it may sound silly since they love me either way, but I almost wish Andy and other friends could see me for a second in person to see the progress I’ve been making with the working out. No camera can precisely convey how we really look. Not sure how much more I’ll accomplish, but what I have so far is nice, even if it’s not much. Tom sure thinks it is, though, LOL.

Andy crashed shortly after I got up. As kids, our game was crazy 8’s. As young adults, it was prank calls. As middle-agers, it’s sharing pics on Ask, which also provides a handy way to keep in touch and up to date with what’s going on with us. I think I like our middle-age game the best. :)

Tom says he’s tired of working and sleeping, working and sleeping, and I don’t blame him. So he has informed me that Sunday he wants to do something “fun.” LOL, I will do my best to please him even though I’m still mostly on nights right now. Aside from what we may do right here at home, there’s only so much open early Sunday morning which will be the end of my day at that time. Walmart, Denny’s, the casino…

Been sleeping better than ever, but had a couple of strange dreams last night. I actually had several, but only remember two. In one dream we were still living with the Jes pest. Two mornings in a row he drove down unannounced and even woke Tom up. Feeling bad for Tom and pissed at his rudeness, I wanted to let him have it but Tom insisted it was fine. So glad that was just a dream!

My paternal grandmother was in the second dream I remember. She was a pretty nice woman, unlike my maternal grandmother who was the bitch her daughter was. She made the comment about having a bad feeling and I just shrugged it off. Then I got the impression some time passed when she said it again in what appeared to be the first dream to take place in this house. She was standing just inside the kitchen when I went to reach for something in the refrigerator. After she spoke I shut the door and said, “A bad feeling about what, Nana? Emotional? Physical? Legal?”

She said nothing and so I said, “Touching someone sometimes helps make us see things. Here, let me hug you.”

As I went to hug her she said, “You can hug me, but don’t touch me,” whatever that means.

Now that it’s getting later into the night and cooler inside the house (it’s supposed to be only 70° and rainy today) I’m going to really challenge myself tonight. They have these 1000-calorie workouts that burn about 500-1000 calories, depending on your fitness/fat level. They usually take an hour to do. Don’t know if I can last that long, but I’m going to find out!

Andy’s fun but continues to be the pervert from hell. He can’t even go a day without posting some picture or comment that somehow pertains to sex.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2013 I was sitting on the couch while I was eating a protein bar and felt totally lost in our humungous living room. I was just a tiny spec within. An L-shaped couch in there would probably not only look best but be better for watching TV. That way it’d be right in front of part of the couch and not off to the side. If it was slightly off to the side, that’d be one thing, but 15’ away is a bit much, even with a 42” screen.

Paula’s been leaving messages for me to call her and she knows I don’t like that. She knows I hate phones. Besides, we recently talked and swapped letters. I suppose she’s just lonely. She has no life at all. She’s single, alone, lonely, fucked in the head, jobless and without any skills or talents to occupy her time. It’s been this way since we met up at the Laundromat back in 1990. This autistic, paranoid woman with ADHD simply exists but does not live. She is still someone I care about and I really hope they get rid of her ovarian cancer. She told me she’d be ok and she may really believe that, but when it’s coming from someone that’s not very bright at all, you can never really know for sure. She could be in remission only to see the damn thing return.

Soon I will send her the pictures of the house she asked for since she’s obviously never going to be online. I’m sending my Italian dad the same pics, too.

Tom’s exhausted and the rats are the usual – Romeo chases the duster, Sugar chases me.

Although it took a week, the sensitivity within my new crown is gone.

Working out in bursts of 10s where I sprint at 5 MPH for 45 seconds, rest a few seconds, do it again, rest again, then do it again. This comes to 22 ½ minutes of running and burns 300 calories. I’m too heavy to do it all at once and since I know I’m not going to lose any more weight, I’ve got to work with what I have. I’m just glad I stopped gaining. I hate to struggle just to stay 40 pounds overweight (though the charts say it’s 25), but it also keeps me fit, strong and flexible and helps with joint pain.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2013 My Citrus Heights viewer who was definitely, definitely NOT me, hasn’t been around in a few days.

I had dreams of winning but awoke to find not one single win notice in my inbox. Guess I’m only allowed to be psychic these days when things aren’t going well. Either way, if I don’t do some serious winning soon enough and start winning more than chips and T-shirts, I’m going to shut down both my Twitter and Pinterest accounts. It would suck too, cuz I always felt that that was my main way of contributing, as funny as it may sound. If it’s true that God picks and chooses our illnesses, injuries and conditions – well – first He sicced one on me that kept me from adding an additional income to our household, and now you mean He’s gone and taken my winnings, too? I was winning cash and prizes that compared to a decent part-time job, and I know my husband loves me unconditionally and that I contribute enough just taking care of the house, but still… must I lose that, too? There are other ways to make money but not like that. No one’s gonna give me 9 grand to tell them what something means in Spanish. They’re not going to send me on a Caribbean cruise for reviewing their business either.

Well, I can’t win and I can’t have my disability benefits reinstated which are so rightfully mine, but I am immensely thankful that Tom is unlike other men. No man wants his wife at home these days. No man. Not unless she has a “visible” or “normal” condition that most people have heard of, and even then they often turn against them. If the woman can’t bring in the dough the same as he can, then he’s not interested. That’s just today’s marriage rules for you; instead of staying home with kids, you skip the kids and go to work. Well, I skipped the kids, so can I please start winning big again?

According to what Tom read, the cost of housing has soared in this area faster and higher than anywhere else in the country. Had we waited any longer we may’ve been forced to settle for another dumpy old single-wide despite all the money we had. Going from someone else’s shit single-wide to our own in an area that forbids barking, blasting music and other annoyances, would’ve been better than nothing, but how much of a step up would that really have been compared to this? I’m kind of surprised God didn’t help stall things even more so that we would have to continue living so poorly. He seemed to really enjoy seeing us do that year after year anyway. That’s ok, though, cuz while He may’ve denied me many things in life, I have denied Him myself. A small loss when you consider that there are 7 billion people in the world and that what I think of Him obviously isn’t important to Him, but I still like the thought of knowing I turned my back against Him same as I would any human being that treated or allowed me to be treated unjustly and unfairly. And guess what? I’m never walking back. I’m gone for good.

But what in the world has been on our side blessing us with good things these last few years??? Whatever/whoever it was that helped save us a couple of years ago couldn’t have been my parents or my foster mother as they were still alive at that time. Tom’s dad? Our grandparents? Or was it just a coincidence that we got a job and out of that trailer just in the nick of time?

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2013 Things are running smoothly and we’ve got a lot to look forward to over the upcoming months. Gotta call the travel agency soon to plan our trip to Hawaii, then come home, paint walls, get the new car, and install new carpet and flooring, etc.

It was chilly in here early yesterday morning. I went to bed cold and woke up warm. I still sleep better here than in the trailer, now that I’m adjusting to the traffic. It helps to add an earplug when I’m on nights and to always be able to keep the room dark. Blackout shades don’t do you much good when you have an evaporative cooler and need to crack windows and let tons of light in. We’ve still got a while before we need heat and heavier blankets. That’s usually not till late October or early November here.

Been on a roll with the French and doing well, but haven’t yet gotten back to my story writing. Maybe one of these days.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2013 When the pipes spit air at me when I got up to pee and wash my face, I knew we must’ve played water games again that day, and was glad I slept through it. That’s how many times now since we’ve been here? Four? Five? I’ve literally lost count of how many times this has happened in the 2 months and 1 week that we’ve lived here. I still don’t understand why they don’t do the whole park at once and get it over with in one shot. Tom said that’d cost them way too much money and that they’d have to dig up the roads in the entire park. I can see not wanting to tear up the whole park, but they’re going to have to spend the money eventually on these old pipes anyway. I just dread the day the water stops when my hair is full of shampoo!

When Andy pointed out that he hasn’t been harassed by the trolls, I realized that this is probably because he’s never been friends with the trolls for years like Aly and I were, and because they know he’s never been friends with Aly either. They’re looking for those with public accounts on which Aly has commented. They know they’ve never been friends, so there’s no reason to focus on Andy. Or to lash out at him in anger over having been dumped for being a crazy, habitual liar.

My Citrus Heights viewer again has me stumped, but I still think it’s almost certainly me with a twisted view count. I probably didn’t filter myself out correctly, whereas it’s easy to do so on Blogger and TIP. Same browser, same OS, same provider… though why it would say I was in one city in real-time and another when I visit the blog, beats me. I’ve been in a few times today and so far it still says there have been 0 views from my town today. This part also makes no sense if it’s me. Tom thinks it started off as being me, but since I filtered myself out, it’s someone else. But then why would it see me in RT and not my visits?

Been winning little stuff, which is better than nothing, but it’s been a disappointing experience so far. Tom thinks I’ll win big again someday, but wouldn’t think that had I not gotten any small wins.

I’m looking more fit and pretty good for one just a couple of years away from 50. I may look like shit compared to 20 years ago, but I know I’m doing pretty well for my age and that a lot of women out there would kill to weigh what I weigh. I don’t expect much more change within the scale or my measurements at this age, but I like how the exercise has made me look and feel.

I also like and am amazed at how such a little trim has really gone a long way as far as making my hair feel and look healthier. I didn’t think it’d do much good.

Saturday will be the first day in months that we don’t make it into the 80s. It’s even gonna be cloudy. While I LOVE the heat and HATE long sleeves, sometimes I get sick of the constant dry heat and fierce sun. Sometimes I just want rain, clouds and cooler weather that’s more comfortable for working out in. I want to snuggle under a real blanket. Instead, I sleep with the fan on and a little pink blanket that’s so thin you could floss your teeth with it.

I’ve learned that French is both easier and harder than Italian while German is still the hardest of those I’ve studied. The grammar part of plurals is simpler, but the pronunciation of many plural words sounds the same as the singular version, making those listening exercises a bit tricky. Their software is great. It’s not too easy, but challenging enough not to seem impossible and make you want to give up. If your brain isn’t “set” for languages and you have no desire for them then forget it. You’ll never get beyond the first level.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2013 On this very day in 2011 we learned we would die (it was just a question of how) before what may’ve been the spirits of our dead loved ones rushed in to save us. Two years later my husband made big bucks, I made a small win (just some stupid things for the kitchen), and then I learned that Kim’s gone Molly, all while being in the comfort and security of our own home.

So much for Aly signing up for a new FB account since Kim was able to remember who her public friends were and check their accounts for comments from her. She is also friending friends of ex-friends in hopes of being part of our lives that way and having others to harass and basically use as a weapon against us, and what better people than our friends and family, right?

I’ve described Kim and what she does and suggested those with public accounts go friends only, but most don’t seem to want to heed my warning. I guess they either feel it won’t happen to them, can’t relate to the possible consequences of remaining public, or maybe they’ve got a little troll in themselves so they actually can relate. At least a little bit. I’d feel bad if they got caught up in shit that had nothing to do with them, of course, and I’d hate to see them harassed and possibly their own friends and families too, but they at least can’t say I didn’t warn them if she does latch onto them. They’re big boys and girls, though. They can take care of themselves and I know they gotta do what they gotta do. I figure those with public accounts must want it that way for a reason, usually so old friends can look you up and know who you are and what’s up with you. I can understand that while people want to be cautious, they also don’t want to feel locked in a cage when online, so to speak, and to deny themselves sites and features they enjoy. If it weren’t for Molly and then Kim I’d probably be public too, only because I don’t care who sees what as long as it’s not sensitive info. I wouldn’t blog if I did.

I’m not there much myself anymore due to the glitches and the news feed being littered with crap, but I do try to check in once or twice a day to pick up any messages and comments I may have.

Anyway, I’ve made them aware of the situation and it’s up to them how they want to handle it. I alerted them to her real name, age and location and described what she looks like, letting them know she often uses variations of her name, as well as impersonates celebrities and other people. From what I’ve heard, she’s obsessed with Glee actors these days.

As some of us have learned, though, this sick twist has very little concept of right, wrong, fact and fiction. She’s so damn crazy I’m amazed she hasn’t threatened anyone yet. I almost wish she would, though.

Anyway, we’re thinking of having them do both the carpet and the kitchen/laundry/second bath floors next April or May. That way the rainy season (assuming we ever have one again) is over with, but it’s not yet so hot that the AC would be running like crazy.

We’re probably going to go with crème instead of lavender because the place is so damn big. So much lavender, pink or mint green would simply be too overwhelming, not to mention colors that could clash with other things. Little shit trailers are a different story.

All we have to do in the meantime is hope that God isn’t cruel enough to have Tom laid off so all our plans are shot to hell for who knows how long. I’m not stupid, though. The last thing any God cares about is our damn carpet. So I guess we can be glad that they’re not only always busy as hell where he works, but glad for all the OT, too. We could literally live off of that alone, even here. Literally.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2013 LOL, Kathy tried to view my blog, but couldn’t quite make it. I was wondering if she’d try again. Well, she apparently tried to link through to MO, unable to get to my Blogger link, since making that blog for friends only. She must’ve been too stupid to think to check her history (if she saves it) or have a friend see if they could get it from my FB page since she’s got me blocked. She definitely suspects Aly or myself as being behind the nasty Ask messages, but I don’t care. I’m 100% done with her now. Too risky playing with one who’s both Mexican and pregnant. Texas is too much like Arizona. If she wants to focus more on me than the kid she’s supposedly having, that’s her problem, but I’m done.

My Citrus Heights viewer is definitely, definitely me. It may not update as fast as it should, but it’s definitely me. So that solves that mystery.

Ok, even though Tom and I both hate beer, we’re entered to win a trip to next year’s Oktoberfest in Munich so we can meet Nane.

I was so fucking pissed last night. I was all excited about tackling French 101 only to find that LiveMocha has TOTALLY changed. It’s nothing like it used to be. I hate their new language-learning software. It’s glitchy and a poor way to learn, IMO. Why oh why can’t things ever stay the same?! Underwear, wallpaper and piss-poor attitudes are for changing, not sites that people liked just the way they were. Change, change, change… I fucking hate it! sighs All good things really do come to an end.

Then I discovered Duolingo and started their basic French course until I’m asked to pay to advance further or that site goes to hell too.

Was reading an article about whether or not they think some people have an easier time learning languages than others and why. It not only stated the obvious – that we tend to do better in what we like, but that the area of the brain responsible for languages is enlarged in people like me. Let me guess… the part that processes numbers is so damn microscopic in my case that not even the most powerful microscope can detect it, right?

Wish I knew why I’ve been having the runs more and more often. Makes me wonder if my weight’s down due to that more than to all the activity. I just don’t get it, though. I’m not nervous or worried about anything. Life is great. I have everything I need and most of what I want, so I can’t complain. If anything, I worry more for friends and family who have been having hard times in various ways.

The only negative thing is that tomorrow is the two-year anniversary of when we got our would-be death sentence in the mail. It was just about the worst and scariest day of our lives. September 27th, on the other hand, was the one day and the one day only when a true miracle occurred. The phone rang with news we’d been waiting for for half a year, just days before we’d have had to either kill ourselves or let the streets do it for us. Well, the streets would’ve done it for us in a much slower, more agonizing way. But here I am, two years later in a home of our own. I have emerged stronger and wiser. I now have more paranoia about spending money and more hatred for God. The more He lets life rain down shit upon me than most can ever imagine, let alone deserve, the further away I turn from Him. And just like I’d be proud of myself for turning against a person of a negative influence, I praise myself for filling my heart a little fuller with hate each time He lets disaster strike, while others tell themselves God simply “teaches us lessons” and “strengthens” us and “tests” us. This may be so to a degree, understandably, but enough is enough for some people! And no, whatever doesn’t kill us doesn’t always make us stronger. I’m stronger in many ways, yes, but in some ways, I’m also more fragile, more paranoid and more anxious. Things are going well right now, as I just said, and I haven’t had any nightmares, but how long will last? How long???

Now that I’ve set more realistic goals for one my age, my goal is to be the exact same weight I am now at this time next month. Millions and millions of older folks struggle to lose weight year after year that never comes off and I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to just accept that we’re supposed to be heavy when we age, the weight’s not going anywhere, and to just eat healthy most of the time, keep active and try not to gain more. I only take one day off a week for the no-nos like sweets, potatoes and things like that.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2013 Sarah’s 23 today and Aly has confirmed that she has cut ties with Kathy, which was easy to do. Yeah, dropping assholes is a very easy thing to do next to breathing. The “Crazy Beagle Bitch” must suspect I was the one who had some nasty things to say about her on Ask before she ran and deactivated her account there because she spent 12 minutes on my blog yesterday. This was no doubt to see if I mentioned her or maybe at least getting similar shit from Kim or someone else.

I just couldn’t help, as much as it may’ve been stooping to her level, lashing out at Kathy after the way she has treated both Aly and me.

Aly also confirms that she doesn’t know of any NorCal friends Kim may have.

The mystery of my Citrus Heights visitor has deepened. I would’ve been 100% convinced it wasn’t me until I noticed that GA sees me in real-time, which only called for more questions. In real-time, it listed me as being in Sacramento. TIP agreed. But if GA sees me in real time, then why not my page views? And if it does see my page views, then why would that say I was in CH while RT said Sac???

I sent the people at LiveJournal a message saying that it was too bad there was no easy way to make all posts private or friends only, and was told that a plus subscription would make that easy enough. But then today I accidentally discovered a quick and simple way to do just that. So now LJ and MD are private while MO is friends only. This way I can focus on maintaining/editing one blog only while the others serve as a backup.

Last night I finally got around to organizing our file box with hard copies of things pertaining to things like manuals, taxes, insurance and things like that.

Not gonna do much tonight. Just read, proofread/publish old stuff, and copy old stuff over here as well.

Later…

Was thinking of the financial pinch Tammy and Mark have been feeling, and it just seems kind of bizarre. Not that I don’t doubt it, as hard times can fall upon anyone. It’s the timing that’s a bit unnerving. Upon moving in here, although it wasn’t a serious fear that was always at the forefront of my mind, I did voice my concern to Tom about Tammy going broke so she would be unable to help us if we went broke again, too. If God can hate Tammy enough to damn her physically like He has been doing for years now, he can curse her in other ways, too. Well, why not pick a way that could negatively affect two people He hates?

I know that Tammy can’t accept that God is not always good and that no, He doesn’t love us all equally, and yes, He really does play favorites at times. Like most people out there, this is just too scary a concept to possibly admit and accept. God favors, protects and blesses some, but like it or not, He also lets some people suffer unfairly. And yes, He really does give some of us more than we can handle. Take that absolutely sickening and heartbreaking case of the woman who was gang-raped, beaten and ultimately killed in India. God gave her more than she could handle. So why do some people feel they are invincible and assume that just because they’ve always had it good – or at least had had it good for a while – that He won’t one day sic a sack of potatoes on them too heavy to bear? Sorry, folks, but none of us are exempt from His wrath and hate.

Really hope, though, that my husband and I never again experience such hard times and that surgery will put Mark back on his feet and back in business.

I’m no longer going to proofread and post old journals as often as I have been because it’s just so much work. Like Andy said, what’s the rush? I have about 180 more entries to go and will now post just a couple a day instead of 10-15. It’s been a very time-consuming project, I’m sick of it, and I need a break.

I still haven’t gotten back to my stories and languages, and now it’s time to decide if I want to start learning a new language or review old ones. I think I’ll do both. I’ll review some Italian and maybe enroll myself in the French course. I already know a little French, so that should help the less advanced lessons. Then I was thinking I may go for the Hindi, Russian, and maybe even Dutch, since it’s related to German. I can already feel that excitement and anticipation building up that only a true language junkie could understand, sort of like a racecar driver revving up his engines and ready to go. When you practically have tears of joy in your eyes over the thrill of learning a new language, even if it’s not quite “new,” you know you’re a real language addict. I can understand a lot of French I read since it’s another romance language, but I’m sick of not always knowing its pronunciation guidelines so I can speak it as well as read and understand it. So… French 101, here I come!

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2013 I’m still torn between thinking my CH viewer is me vs. someone else. Sometimes it jumps a count when I hit my blog, sometimes it doesn’t. So if it’s me it’s counting, it’s doing it in a really weird way. I also still can’t figure out why some trackers see things that others don’t. According to GA, I’ve had visitors from countries TIP can’t seem to see.

Another short, sweet and probably boring entry, mostly cuz I don’t have much to say and am quite busy.

They took Tom and other coworkers to Thunder Valley Casino for a buffet that was outrageously expensive ($30), even though he didn’t have to pay for it. He didn’t bother with gambling since we have money and he says it’s not as fun to do alone. He could’ve with coworkers, but that wouldn’t be much fun for him either. Coworkers are for working with, not playing with. Maybe we’ll go together sometime. It’s just not a high priority now. First I want to get the savings back in the 5-digit range so spending 3K-5K on the renovations won’t leave me feeling at risk and insecure. We’re determined to keep our credit score up there cuz our next car will probably be some sort of luxury car with many fringe benefits, even if it’ll be used. At least a Mercedes or a Lexus wouldn’t stand out here and be as at risk. Besides, at 7pm, the front gate is rolled into place. The back gate is always locked. No transmitter, no entry.

I just hope the dream I had last night doesn’t mean anything, cuz in it Tom was saying that they announced they would never again give raises at work. Tom, however, says he’s sure he’ll get another raise again someday.

After a long, hard poverty stint, it’s still both shocking and weird to be doing this well. I just worry about how long it’ll last. All good things seem to come to an end. Like sweeping. I used to win something every few days, but now I’m hardly winning shit. Things just aren’t what they used to be where that’s concerned. Too many people entering.

If you think I’m mischievous now – imagine if I could be 100% psychic in whatever way I wanted! The monthly newsletter would magically get edited upon delivery to each house here right after it was dropped off. Instead of “Hello, everyone,” it would read something like, “Hello, butt fuckers!” Then again, some of these old folks may have heart attacks.

Nane’s gone to TR for a week and I’ll miss her while she’s gone. She’s still my hottie and she and I are still pretty close, even if we’ll never get to meet face to face.

Later…

Gonna hit the Walmart in Roseville on Sunday cuz it’s got a better selection. Working tomorrow is optional for Tom, but he decided to take advantage of the big bucks he’d get.

All the working out I’ve been doing is really beginning to make a difference in my appearance more so than with the scale. I’m losing inches and looking more toned. Only problem is I still have a ton of fat on me and I’m not sure much of it will ever go away. As Tom says, though, it can take a year or two, which is why it’s so hard for so many people to stick to. I’ll settle for just not gaining anymore.

Got everything done that needs to be done, including organizing the file box, and now it’s off to watch YouTube vids.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 My CH visitor has got to be a bot or me after all. On GA it says every single page has at least 1 view, but on Blogger itself, most pages (posts from previous years I’ve been copying in) haven’t been viewed at all. I’m almost disappointed as it takes the mystery and the fun of guessing out of it.

I did get the Fire ring that I didn’t expect to get. It looks nicer in person. Problem is it’s so big I couldn’t even wear it on my thumb.

Still have a bit of sensitivity around the “new” tooth. Hmm… maybe she should’ve just left it alone.

I still have different colors in mind for the bedrooms and carpet, but still don’t know what we’ll end up with for sure. I go back and forth in my mind between crème colored carpet, lavender, and mint green. Whatever it is is gonna be lighter than this shit brown we’ve got now.

I suppose this is a short, boring post, but there really isn’t much to update on. I’ve copied entries from 1987-1990 over here as well as all of 2012 and everything I’ve written so far this year.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2013 Makes me nervous when I see them pull the SUV out of their garage and into the carport next door like they’re clearing the garage so they can work on something noisy in it, but I haven’t heard a thing.

Had a long chat with my sister, but first, let me shut Bjork up and skip to the next song. Whoever told that bitch she could sing anyway? Guess it goes to show once again that the music business is more about who you know, how much money you have, and who you’re willing to fuck.

Anyway, I couldn’t get the MagicJack to work. It said, “Call in progress,” but I never heard any ringing. Tammy saw that I tried to call, though. I used the cell to finally get through, and I think Tom and I each having a cell is enough. So I’ll probably cancel my MJ subscription when it expires. No, I can’t go hands-free that way or listen to messages online, but how often do I do this anyway?

There was only one thing Tammy said that disturbs me and has me wondering if it’s even true, though I don’t see why she’d make it up other than to feel she was “counter-attacking” me for believing she or Bill got our new address from Tom’s family when we moved from Phoenix to Maricopa so they could feed me to the pigs after I threatened Bill by mail and on his answering machine, which I no longer believe. I’ll get to what I believe soon enough.

Most of this entry will be kept out of public and will only be shared with just a few close, trusted friends. Consider yourself LL’d if you get to read this – loved and lucky.

Tammy has been known to be a hypochondriac and a complainer that makes my complaints seem like nothing. She may still be the complainer from hell (I don’t mind, though), but there’s no way in hell she’s making up or exaggerating the medical problems she and Mark have.

When I called her I told her she didn’t have to tell me anything she didn’t feel comfortable telling me, but she waved that off and said, “You’re my sister, so I want to tell you everything.” Then the complaints tumbled out like a waterfall, mostly about Stephanie and Lisa.

Tammy used to have a friend named Mary, who had 3 daughters. Their father, like most fathers, preferred not to be in the picture. Eventually, Mary met Mark and was finally happy to have a guy care about her kids and raise them like they were his own. Then Mary died of cancer. I’m pretty sure Tammy and Mary didn’t meet till long after Mary married Mark. Anyway, one of the daughters is Stephanie. She’s now 33 and positively fucked in the head. She’s on disability and she hangs with guys that do drugs and I guess one of them got arrested for assaulting an old man. Not something Mark can just “ignore” and “avoid” and remove himself from any more than some of us can ignore insanely loud neighbors as much as we’d like to. I’ve seen Stephanie’s picture. She’s hideously fat and ugly. So much so that she almost makes me look thin and pretty. More importantly, she’s really put a lot of stress on Mark, and again, it’s not the kind of drama one can walk away from that easily. Stephanie lives in Indiana right now and when Mark drove to Ohio to see his brother and then to Indiana to see his daughter, who knew he was coming, she wasn’t there.

Stephanie, like Lisa, was/is also into stealing. Lisa was on cocaine for a while, and Tammy said she stole her wedding ring and sold it for 3K. This is on top of the constant, constant lies. I never could understand adult lying, as funny as that may sound. I can see not divulging info so as not to hurt someone or maybe softening the truth a bit, and yes, I would lie and say I knew nothing about it if I committed a crime I was guilty of, but why lie as adults when people don’t have the hold on us they do as kids? No one can punish me for admitting I’m a sexist. They can’t take away my stereo for a week or make me stand in a corner and face the wall. So while I may not need to broadcast it with a neon “I’M A SEXIST!” tee, to whom must I fear and hide it? But that’s just how these girls are; lie after lie after lie.

While I don’t doubt the drama Tammy’s going through, I also wonder how truthful she’s being in general. It’s not like she’s a habitual liar or anything like that, but she has lied in the past and there are some inconsistencies in some of her stories that seem to go beyond normal forgetfulness. She went from losing 30 pounds to 14 pounds when she was sick. Her dog used to be 85 pounds and now it’s 90 pounds. Ok, so most of us mammals gain weight with age, but there are other things, like the letter I supposedly “accidentally” sent Sarah and Becky that was meant for her before I dumped her in 1999. At first I thought she was saying it was intentionally aimed at them, and I was like, why in the world would I have gone off on my nieces who were just kids and had nothing to do with whatever was going on? They never did anything wrong, though a couple of them, particularly Lisa, were extremely rude to me when we were all bickering online in 2009, but I have since ignored Lisa. I don’t hate her, but I don’t want to be in touch with her, and she hasn’t made any attempts to contact me either since she flung her rude and false accusations at me that bordered on sheer insanity. She’s not on disability, though, which sort of surprises me. She’s a CPA, which is a little more involved than a candy striper. She cleans up patients and stuff like that.

Makes me glad, once again, that we never had kids of our own. What if, no matter how well we treated it, it grew up to be a crazy, deceitful druggie that brought so much grief and stress into our lives as if life alone didn’t dish out enough shit to us along the way?

Really wish she hadn’t gone and brought up Bill, though. Some subjects we just DON’T want to hear about no matter how much we’ve faced them and dealt with them, and know that nothing can change the past. I don’t remember what it was she said. Some casual comment about him driving Becky or Sarah somewhere.

Tammy has changed for the better so much but is still the same old Tammy at the same time. The deceptiveness is still there and so is the thirst for vengeance. It may be subtle in some ways, but it’s an underlying thing I can sense. Hell, she even admitted a while back trying to spite Lisa off of worker’s comp. So she’s one of those that I’d trust immensely if I ever needed help, but that I also know I must tread lightly with, be careful what I say, and hope to hell I never piss off. I wouldn’t hesitate to dump her or anyone else I thought was too toxic to have in my life, but I hope I don’t have to. Not just cuz no one wants to hate their sister so much they’d dump them, but because she’d never let me live in peace. Sadly, Tammy, like Kim, Molly and many others, can’t just move on. Instead, she picks on, follows and harasses anyone she can. Blocking and ignoring her would be easy enough, but she would abuse our numbers and I don’t even want to think about what she may do with our address. So that’s why I trust her when she’s happy with me, but don’t trust her at all when she’s not. I used to pick on those I dumped or that dumped me, but once I realized how immature and risky that was I began to simply avoid and ignore them whenever possible. Wish more people were like that.

While I have never denied sending her and Bill some nasty stuff, I absolutely have NO recollection whatsoever of accidentally addressing an envelope meant for her to not just one of my nieces, but to two?! Would love to have seen the postmark on the envelope to see if it really came from Arizona and not from someone trying to make me look awfully bad, cuz I just don’t see how, no matter how pissed I may’ve been at the time, I put the wrong name down in the heat of the moment… twice. Is she sure she isn’t just saying this due to how angry I was at the way she handled certain things in the past?

When confronted with the letter she sent Tom in defense of Bill, she told me she had no self-esteem and that due to her childhood, she felt she deserved the abuse she got from men. Now I’ll be quick to admit that at the time I didn’t understand why women stayed with abusive men. It made no sense to hang on for the kids and all that shit, but I realize people don’t always parent the same way they handle relationships. Now don’t get me wrong, I still think there are some truly sick and twisted women out there that get off on that shit. If some like rough sex, why not a rough relationship, huh? Take Rihanna, for example, who went back to Chris Brown after he beat her up. I don’t know much about Rihanna’s personal life and I don’t care, but I always had the feeling that she truly enjoyed the abuse, the attention, and the sympathy it brought her. I can’t wait for the day Brown hits the wrong woman, though that’s the problem with these sick cocks; they’re usually smart enough to avoid women they know won’t fight back or leave or both.

I can kind of get where she’s coming from as far as feeling unworthy of good people when you consider the types of “friends” I had in the past (Fran, Nervous, Jenny, etc.). I was too damn nice and forgiving and I took a lot of shit I’d NEVER take today. I let people jerk me around like a puppet, and I too, felt like I’d never get anyone worth having. If a man had raised a hand to me, I’d have fought back, but I also would’ve been dumb enough to forgive him more than I should have had men been my main cup of tea. These days, if I were single and dating and happened to get with a man instead of a woman, the beating I’d give him would be so savage if he laid a hand on me that I’d not only end up in jail for a while but would never even THINK of forgiving him no matter how hot he was or what the bastard’s excuse was.

I try to tell myself that holding grudges against people like Bill all these years later is pointless, but as she pointed out about leaving abusive men… it’s not always that easy. It’s sort of like the guy whose rock flew out of his truck and smashed our windshield. Well, he may not have done it deliberately and chances are he never even knew about it, but you still want to slap the guy and make him pay for the damage, you know? So it’s sort of like that.

“Look at it from a logical standpoint,” I told myself. “You did threaten the guy over family drama that had nothing to do with you directly, and if you had any faith in the cops with all the corruption running around out there, you just may call them too, if someone left you a threatening message. Lastly, if you didn’t know there was a warrant out for your arrest, then how could he?”

BUT… and as even the cop himself that came to see me about the matter said, he would’ve been pissed off too, had someone abused his family. Also, I was 3000 miles away. A little too far to be any real threat, don’t you think? I think the call to the cops was just his way of “getting even,” so to speak. So let’s just say that my letter and threatening phone message were wrong and illegal and nothing I’d ever do again, but it’s not exactly something I regret. In other words, I don’t feel sorry for the guy, and no, I wouldn’t trust myself alone with him either. Still don’t know how the hell he found me, but I now believe it probably went down as she said – he called the pigs and they hunted me down. Back then I used to think they either called Tom’s family (those assholes would give out our info) or got my SIL’s # from mom, but looking back on it I can see how that probably wasn’t so. The worst Tammy might’ve told him is what town we moved to, cuz I’m pretty sure I mentioned that to her.

The stupid fucker went to her and Mark about my call, and she told him, “It’s your phone, so what the hell do you expect me to do about it?”

That is so, so typical of people too, to drag others into shit and not confront the source directly. Even before this incident I NEVER liked the guy. Worst guy she ever went with. I’m so glad she now has a good, loving, caring and compassionate guy like Mark in her life. I don’t like violence and I never want to have to raise my fist to anyone, but if anyone ever harmed my husband, me or our property…

Still, some things just ain’t that easy, as she knows. I’ll always despise Bill, pointless or not, and I’ll never forgive the people in Arizona. Not even if they came to me with a million dollars, got on their knees and said, “We’re so, so sorry we had our corrupt cop pal type a threatening letter to get your prints on in interrogation, then frame you with (if it wasn’t sent to us by someone else we pissed off). It’s true; we hate whites, we hate Jews, and we were just seeking revenge for your city complaint over our HORRENDOUS noise, trash and vandalism. We knew that because you had made a few threats for real in the past it would be easy to use against you, and all in a state that favors minorities and in a time when playing the race card is hip. We knew we would be the ones to be believed no matter what you said. We can never replace the time you lost to our vindictiveness, but here’s the money back you lost on account of us, and even more.”

I think that more often than not, people don’t realize the seriousness of their vengefulness when they spite others be it through the law or not. In the heat of the moment they lash out and that’s it for them, but it’s far from it for the people they abuse.

Some things may be possible in time, but they just ain’t so easy – quit smoking… not that easy. Lose 40 pounds… not that easy. Forgive and forget those who wronged the hell out of you… not that easy. Got a driving phobia? Just jump in a car and drive… not that easy. Smile if you’re depressed… not that easy. Tell yourself it’ll all be ok… not that easy. Set your alarm to keep a schedule… not that easy. Guy getting too physical? Just kick his ass and leave… not that easy.

Win a million dollars, Jodi… not that easy.

In my next entry, I’ll get into the health update she gave me.

Later…

Still stumped as to who my CH visitor is, but I’m now leaning toward it being a stranger. Whoever it is has a lot of time on their hands cuz they check in on and off throughout the day. That’s why I’ve ruled out the dentist. Unless she’s suddenly obsessed with my blog and checking it between patients, it’s not her. I agree with Tom that it’s probably a stranger as opposed to someone in the park.

If it’s me it’s counting, then it’s doing it in chunks and counting wrong. Hmm… maybe it’s counting whenever I ok the “this site contains adult content” notice that periodically comes up.

Went to GA’s site and excluded my IP which I thought was already filtered out since I told it right on Blogger to exclude me, but maybe it wasn’t on GA’s site. Time will tell.

I talked with Aly earlier who doesn’t doubt Kim’s having someone read my blog for her. But who are they? The only new regular that’s visible is that CH visitor yet I’ve never known Kim to have friends around here. She said she was surprised Kim never created a fake account on Ask to contact me. Come to think of it, so am I. Creating fake accounts is her specialty.

Alison says a part of her misses Molly because even though Molly was a crazy, lying bitch, she at least always knew where she stood with her. She’s done with both Kim and Kathy on the other hand. Kathy is just too two-faced and cannot accept people as they are. She never was a true friend. One minute she’s nice to your face, the next she’s either dumping you or making fun of you on her FB page. That’s what Aly said she was doing to both the “Crazy Rat Lady” and the “Crazy Cat Lady.” I guess when Kathy learned that Aly wouldn’t take a cheaper apartment that didn’t allow animals (though it made perfect sense not to take a cheaper place that wouldn’t allow her own mutts when she and Adam moved); she became the “Crazy Cat Lady.” As for me, I don’t care what I am to Kathy because she is nothing to me. I think she only stopped harassing me on Ask because she knows I know where she lives and where Adam works. Knowledge is power. :)

To finish up with my chat with Tammy, which lasted about an hour when she had to leave to go pick Peppy up from the groomer’s, Mark returns to his cardiologist on the 20th. They know he has to have surgery due to clogged arteries, but they don’t know what procedure they’re going to do. They may or may not do stints. They’re hoping that after surgery he’ll be as good as new again and able to get back to their side business which was the one making a lot of money. This was doing home improvements of various kinds. Why he bothered to keep his other job managing some company (I forgot what she said it was), beats me. For the benefits, I guess.

Here’s where the conversation took a surprising turn. Money is the one area in life I thought Tammy would be forever blessed in, but since Mark has been too ill to work the business, they’ve taken a huge loss. They spent something like 50K last year on their own home improvements and other things not knowing Mark would take ill. But then he started having symptoms of fatigue, poor circulation and trouble breathing.

He’s 63 and I asked if he could retire at 65 or 66, but she said they’d never make it. I was stunned to learn this, but as Tom later pointed out, it’s a common problem for those who own their own business. Tom, on the other hand, risks firings and layoffs, but we’d be ok if he retired at 66. We’d be better than ok if he retired at 70. It felt weird to think we’re better off in some monetary ways than she is since God always made sure I was the financial underdog of the family. He’s even worried about his other job cuz they’ve been talking budget cuts.

While it may be more practical for them to give up their 2600-square-foot place and the land/gardens they’ve been having trouble keeping up with lately, it’s not that easy. The whole cul-de-sac they live on has been in Mark’s family for ages. It’s where he grew up and all he’s ever really known.

Neither will seeing Mark in Yale-New Haven be easy on Tammy. First they have to come up with hotel money for who knows how long, and then she has to figure out how to get to him in her condition. It’s a huge area and she can only walk so far. That’s why she doesn’t groom Pep herself to save money. She can’t just groom a 90-pound dog.

As for her own lung issues, she’s postponed treatment till they know what’s up with Mark. He could be ok, he could not be ok, or he could not make it. The stress they’re under must be hell. Their lives may not be on the line to the degree that ours were, but I’m sure it’s scarily close enough or they at least feel that way. Tammy said they’ll eventually only be replacing one lung since doing both would be too risky.

Unfortunately, Tammy doesn’t get much on disability. They basically treat those on disability like welfare bums. I guess they want to pay so little to encourage those who aren’t truly disabled back to work. Lotta people would be injuring themselves if you could make a decent living off of it. At least she’s getting something. I’ll never get that simply because I didn’t work for many years and got married at the time I was last on it. This really pisses me off, too. Getting married didn’t cure me, and so what if a person didn’t work for many years? If they’re disabled, they’re disabled. Period.

She did tell me a funny story about Pep catching a possum and setting it free unharmed, so that’s nice. Meanwhile, since it seems unlikely things will stay the same for them, things are probably either going to get better or worse. Time can only tell which one it will be. If I had to guess (and hope), both their conditions will either be improved or stabilized.

She says Becky and Sarah are taller than her. Damn, that’s tall! Between that and their weight, no wonder I never hear talk of dating and boyfriends on FB. Men love youth but are rarely fans of tall girls or big girls. Hell, I could probably catch a guy easier and I look like shit. I feel bad for them, especially since they’re so young and are only human. They don’t seem to have many friends either. They have a good number of FB friends, but I doubt most of them are really “friends.” Anytime they post about hanging out with someone, it’s always either with each other or other family members. No girls’ night out. No hot dates.

I thought I couldn’t plug my oil warmer in the plug I wanted to use by my desk cuz it’d make the warmer face sideways. Then I noticed a circular groove around the warmer’s plug, twisted it, and now it’s upright! Woo-hoo!

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2013 How did my CH visitor happen to go from 62 page views to just 43??? Still not sure how GA works. It’s a very complicated system and setup. Still, whoever they are, they make up for 71% of my visits. Why isn’t GA tracking other countries, though? It’s saying I’ve only had 5 unique visitors in the last week or so from CA, CT and NY, yet I know I’ve had much, much more than that.

Guess we’re back with the Jes pest now as well as early yesterday morning. The water pressure is a little low. I suppose it’s about time for the next round of water games. Well, fuck this shit cuz I need to take a shower!

I’m also miserably hungry that it almost hurts. I hate PMS hunger with a passion! It is just so, so hard to get rid of. I wasn’t too bad yesterday, but when I woke up starving I knew I was in for a hungry day since I don’t usually eat much my first few hours. I’ve had about 600 calories and am still famished, so I’ll go add a 300-calorie can of chicken dumpling soup soon enough and see if that helps. If not I just might eat till I burst!

I keep having to restock my Ask file for background pics for Andy and our picture game, and it’s getting old. If he weren’t so damn picky about what I post I wouldn’t keep running out, but he’d hate 80% of what I’d like to post. I just don’t have the time he has to put into it. It’s also more of a priority to him whereas my top online priorities are blogging. Besides, it’d keep it more special and my pics would last longer if I only checked in twice a day or something like that. I really should focus more on my work anyway. Or maybe I’ll just say fuck it and post what I want. After all, I don’t always like the pics he posts. Sorry, but I like flowers just like he likes celebrities! Maybe if celebs weren’t making worse and worse of a role model each year for young people I’d see them differently. I doubt it, though. I mean, they’re just people. And I personally find nature more pleasing to the eye than 95% of the people on this planet.

No exciting dreams except for Maliheh emailing Tom pretending to be a sheriff and threatening legal action against me for mentioning her in my blog. LOL, I not only doubt she has Tom’s email address, but I would never succumb to such threats. I’m not breaking any laws (but impersonating a cop would be) and I know and understand that people who make such threats usually have something to hide. When the letter I started to someone about the corrupt pig was taken during a routine cell toss back in ‘01, I knew someone had a seriously guilty conscience. They certainly didn’t take it to have something interesting to read while sitting on the toilet waiting for a dump to come on.

Now I’m going to take my shower and I better get enough water pressure! Damn, I feel like I’m back in the country (in the wrong kind of way).

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2013 10 more views from CH and I’m still not sure who it is. Maybe it really is me it’s tracking or a bot.

Had a strange dream and a scary dream, but first, Tom showed me how to shoot vids, so I’ll play around with the software a bit and eventually share some cute rat vids. The rats that never shut up when I’m trying to work. Right now one of them is chewing on a peach pit.

As I may’ve already mentioned, I’m determined to start setting more realistic and doable goals for myself. Keeping active and eating healthy so I don’t gain any more weight is reasonable. Expecting to lose 30-40 pounds at this age is not.

My period is just days away so my energy levels are down and my hunger levels are up. Here’s where it’s easy for a woman to gain monthly weight that isn’t just water, so I have to just tough out the hunger. Most of it, anyway.

So why does my hair keep getting curlier and curlier with age? I have such tight spirals that they almost look like dreadlocks from a distance.

Tom made a 5-dollar profit on $10 worth of scratch tickets and is convinced that someone down the street has a workshop and that the sawing I heard wasn’t next door. He could hear them when he was out watering. I guess that would explain why I could barely hear it in the house. I could just make it out by the bedroom window, but not at the front of the house. It’s a good thing we’re not next to this house cuz that’d be insanely loud! I’m surprised they’d even allow that here. “People still have to have a life,” Tom said. Yeah, but should it extend beyond the walls of other houses? If it should, then I should be able to blast my music.

He met Jim, the 6:00 Man, as I’d call him, when he was out watering early.

Until God figures out a way to take it all away from us – no scratch that – until we grow old and die, there are a dozen positives for every negative to this place. I absolutely love not having to worry about running out of propane.

For the last few nights, I’ve been waking up hungry and having to pee. PMS hunger can be hard to curb and when you do it isn’t for long.

I’m too tired to write about the dreams now and why I hate September and October so much. I just want to eat, get in the shower, and get to work.

Later…

I’m pleasantly amazed by Nane’s “muah” and affectionate messages earlier. She was offline for a few days dealing with Internet issues. In a week she and Askim will be renting a house down in Turkey near Askim’s mom in a place called Kappadokia, or Cappadocia, as English speakers would spell it. So between being back online and her upcoming trip, she’s quite happy. Wish I could kick Askim out for a night, though I don’t know that I’d like being in TR. They have some beautiful beaches, but it’s Muslim country.

That’s 5 times I’ve had the runs, all pissing me off right along with the guy next door and his insanely LOUD blower. I still hate being so close to others, but if it wasn’t the guy’s blower 3’ away, it’d be some other guy’s motorcycle 200’ away. Still, why does it have to take a whole hour to blow such a tiny lot? He started right as I went to dust the bedrooms and I could hear it over the stereo. I turned it off and switched to the iPod, but I could still hear the damn thing. Finally, I had to switch to my around-ear headphones.

Not that this much is bothersome, but did they open up a new freeway recently or something? For the last few nights, I’ve noticed I can hear vehicles on the freeway that I never noticed before.

Really, really disappointed that I haven’t gotten any win notices. sighs Guess I’ll just have more free time for other things I’ve been planning for months if I continue not to win.

As much as I hate winter – even mild ones – I’ll feel better once it’s November. I hate September and October because it seems that that’s when most of the shit I’ve been through as an adult has happened.

September of 2000 was pre-sentencing on account of the white-hating freeloaders and their corrupt pig pal who worked for a corrupt system.

September of 2004 was when we lost our land in Oregon and it was on to 9 years of renting dumps (except for the duplex which, of course, was the noisiest).

September of 2011 was when they stopped our unemployment checks before having a job.

October of 2000 was when I was sentenced and lost half a year of my life to a vengeful pack of welfare bums with the wrong friends.

October of 2007 was our first of two survival scares, though the second one was far more critical.

October of 2011 was when the sick fucks in Arizona came at me online and tried to scare me into thinking the cops had built another “case” against me. It started to work at first, though I knew I had to have been framed again since I didn’t do anything wrong… until I realized all their mistakes.

So while I’m not overly nervous or anything like that, I’m being very cautious. We’re not spending money unnecessarily in case any surprises come up that need to be dealt with.

In last night’s strange dream, I was visiting Nane and I shopped at a mall while she went to work. She reminded me not to get anything I couldn’t fit in my suitcase. After she left I went to check out some shops, but they were all filled with Muslims playing Ping-Pong and pool.

In the scary dream I had, Tom and I were in the lobby of some big and busy hotel. He said there was a clinic across the street and that now (that evening) would be a good time to get me a checkup since he’d be tied up tomorrow.

Out we went into the cool rainy night and I said, “I never thought I’d say this, but this weather is a refreshing change after the constant heat and sun we’ve been having. He didn’t say anything. Instead, his and everyone else’s features seemed to disappear, making them all look the same and little more than shadowy human forms with a sinister air.

We entered a small building that was dimly lit and seemingly deserted. I was surprised anyone would see me that late, but Tom led us to a small room with a few chairs in it. We sat down and I momentarily closed my eyes and rubbed my face. When I opened my eyes again, the room was darker and Tom was gone.

I ran out of the room calling his name. When I got no answer I went outside to see if he decided to wait out there. There were 5 or 6 people chatting and smoking, but none were Tom. I ran back inside and into a large room near the “waiting” room. I began calling for help. I saw flickers of movement coming from a brightly lit room toward the end of the larger room, but no one came. I woke up crying for help and feeling lost, alone and rather worried.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2013 Citrus Heights jumped from 22 to 33 views sometime after the late afternoon. The good Doc? A bot? Bots are usually pretty quick and consistent, and when I looked at the varying times spent on the pages they viewed, I thought a bot wasn’t very likely. Bots will typically cycle through many pages a second at a time.

Yesterday was a long, hot, fun and productive day, but again I tired out early and slept forever. PMS fatigue, I guess. Despite being active for over an hour between running, yoga and swimming, I gained back the pound I lost. I hope it’s just water since I haven’t been overeating. A little high-carbed, though. Oh well. I’m just one of those that doesn’t really get results from diet and exercise.

Tom put the new faucet on in the master bath and I like it much, much better. I always preferred single levers.

A wonderful letter from my Italian dad topped the day off. He said he’s feeling better, still running the group home, but that it’s still hard without Mom.

He’s really happy for us about our new home and the funny part was when he said, “Be good to each other. There I go acting like a father.” LOL, he’s welcome to it. When we’re younger we don’t usually appreciate stuff like that, but when we’re older it has a way of making us smile.

He said the weather’s beginning to change there and he dreads the winter. He’ll be thinking of me out here, he said, and to keep in touch cuz my letters give him a lift.

I thought about it, and if my gut feeling is right about that being my Italian mom who came to say goodbye last year, isn’t it strange that I have only sensed her presence, but never my bio parents? Not that I’d want to, but I’ve never sensed grandparents, parents or my brother. Only my Italian mom. Why is that? I wonder. It must mean that either my bio parents don’t give a shit, or for some reason, they are unable to “contact” me.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2013 Roseville’s still at 9 views, but Citrus Heights jumped from 10 to 22. It’s gotta be either the Doc or no one I know. It hit me later on that if it were someone Tom works with, they probably would’ve mentioned it to him. Also, the only one here who knows our full name is Joy, and what would she care?

For a while, I had my Facebook settings set to disallow friend invites from everyone. But since one of my old stalkers prefers to hide in anonymity and the other’s been a good dog, I have now allowed for that once again. So if anyone reading this is interested in adding me there, you can either send me an invite or leave your link here. I’m tired of letting them control me, so to speak. From now on settings are going to be set in such a way because I want them to be that way, and not because of what someone else may be doing. I’m still not ready to go public there just yet and I have my old Ask account deactivated cuz I don’t use it much, but if I decide later on to change settings, I will.

My MD diary will remain closed for now and only used as a backup. Remember, the idea was to cut down the number of blogs I have so any future editing isn’t such a pain. Meanwhile, anyone can leave comments here on Blogger, anonymously or not. As long as it’s not spam or scams, I welcome any feedback, positive or negative. :)

My dentist did a great job installing my new “tooth.” You’d never know it wasn’t real! But as wonderful as she is, I won’t be seeing her again till February when I have my next cleaning. At that point, I’ll schedule to have the 4 remaining fillings (and hopefully no new ones) taken care of.

I have a bit of sensitivity around the new tooth but it’s probably just because it’s recently been worked on and the Doc really “struck a nerve.” Hopefully, it won’t persist. I don’t think it will, but if it does I’ll just have to deal with it and make another appointment.

The plan was to go to Sam’s after the dentist, but they didn’t open for those with our level of membership till 10:00. So we headed to Walmart where I was surprised to learn I could get my hair cut for just $16. The two hairdressers there, both nice but with fried hair, said to come back at 10:00. So off we went to Radio Shack to look at stuff Tom likes but that bores me to tears. There wasn’t anything else around there but insurance companies and stuff like that, so that’s why I let him drag me there.

We went back to the salon where the hairdresser with long black fried hair said Diana would be with me soon. After a few minutes, in she came with her short fried blue hair. She washed my hair with Redken’s Diamond Oil shampoo and conditioner, then trimmed the dead ends off my layers and evened them out so they blend well together. It’s still long and doesn’t look much different. Just healthier.

By the time we got to Sam’s, it was getting crowded and loud, but we stocked up on many things and even got a free paring knife.

After Sam’s, we came home and I tackled laundry and dishes while Tom played with some of his electronic gadgets. Next thing I knew I was exhausted as hell. I ended up sleeping forever. Guess I needed it.

My nice new pink yoga mat came today which will definitely make ab work easier on my back as opposed to this horribly worn carpet I can’t wait to replace.

Can’t wait to order a set of 3 rat figurines on Amazon I found that’s so adorably cute!

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2013 Up early today, and in a few hours I’ll be in the dentist’s chair. Not my favorite place to be, so it’s a good thing my dentist is such a nice lady. It’s always nice to see her. Been dreaming about her a lot lately too, but can never remember any details. Couldn’t be that bad then, right?

Are we going to have to end up calling and begging this provider for reliability, too? sighs I know that dropping off once or twice a day is pretty normal as frustrating as that can be in an area so populated. At the edge of Sacramento, you’re in a pretty populated area. I know our cable is fine, so there’s not much else we can do about it with all the people around us.

Lost another pound but am going to take the day off to relax. Other than laundry, Tom and I plan to spend his 3 days off doing things around the house, swimming and just relaxing. I’ll still enter sweeps and work out at least some of the time, though, LOL.

Alison says Molly has been online at times, according to her Facebook profile. She just plays games and statuses about her weight and how much she hates living where she’s living, but you mean you can teach an old dog new tricks? I’m surprised. I find it awfully hard to believe she can now restrain herself from reaching out to or at least peeking in on those she used to harass, but I’ve never known her to disable cookies to avoid showing up on my tracker. Oh no, she’s never been shy. Question is, is Kim following me on Blogger, or is she too stupid to disable cookies? I know anonymity is very important to her.

Google Analytics seems to see more than TIP can see. According to it, I’ve got a regular in Citrus Heights and Roseville. My dentist? Her assistant? Well, I know it’s not me cuz it’s set not to record my activity. I guess it could be anybody. People connected to the park, Tom’s job – anybody. That’s why I’m careful what I say. In fact, I’m not going to post this paragraph in public or the one before it about Kim and Molly.

When I asked Doc H if she’d been to my blog and she said yes, I remember being surprised cuz there were no TIP hits in this area. Could TIP just be blind to her for some reason, other than GA?

I’m surprised I didn’t think to look her up on Facebook till now, but I found her business page and “liked” it and left a comment.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2013 I luuuuuvvv this house! Just wish it were in the country from 8am - 4pm on weekdays.

The Glyteratti guy says the free ring I was supposed to get has been sent, but I’ll believe it when I see it. What’s really disappointing is the lack of win notices after the 1st. I used to win something every few days, even if it wasn’t much. But now there’s just way too much competition. Chances are I won’t renew my 3-month sweeping subscription when it expires.

Wish I had more to say but I don’t. I’m just doing my usual things – sweeping, writing, cleaning and working out. Oh, I ordered a 1” yoga mat on Amazon. That’ll help cushion me since this carpet is so worn out you might as well be on the floor.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2013 I have this itching and burning sensation between my legs and what feels like a few zits. A yeast infection? I don’t have any discharge, but I’m still going to have Tom pick me up something on the way home. For now, I’m using hydrocortisone on it. The “zits” sort of surround my clit, just inside the hairline. I’ve had this before. I hope Tom’s theory is right and that it’s just normal irritation which, as he points out, occurs at the same time of month. It could be that or from working out. Women get drier with age, but sweat and moisture down there can bring on fungal infections. I’d rather treat it at home before it gets out of hand and I end up costing us more money than I already have. Money that could be going toward home improvements.

So why did they leave next door at 4:30 am? Just wondering where they would need to go so early. And was that them I heard with what sounded like a circular saw yesterday afternoon? Tom said it would depend on the saw as to whether or not it can be heard in here, but that trimmers can also sound the same. It’s true that it could’ve come from the common area down the street. I couldn’t tell for sure. I could barely hear it here but next door was home at the time. Their vehicle was in the garage and I don’t know that there’d be room in that garage to work with the big SUV they have. Amazingly, they don’t appear to have a dog. I would think I would have heard it by now and seen them walking it if they did. Therefore, since there’s always got to be something going on with my neighbors, I still wouldn’t be surprised if he turned that garage into a virtual workshop too much of the time. Just got a bad feeling about it. I hope I’m wrong cuz no one wants to listen to regular sawing or hammering. At least I sure don’t. Nothing I can do about it if that’s what he chooses to do, though. They were here first and it occurs during normal daytime hours.

Fucking male neighbors! I’m seriously sick of the racket they make with their loud vehicles and their damn power tools and other shit they do to be totally obnoxious. I’ve had some shitty female neighbors, but this was in a whole ‘nother time, place and situation. There isn’t much racket you’d hear from women in a retirement community that I can think of.

Unless I wasn’t hearing it since I was mostly at the front of the house, traffic was quieter in back yesterday. They still could’ve done some trimming, but Monday’s rain would’ve canceled mowers and blowers. It’s back to hot and dry and will be close to 100° in a few days.

Got my first taste of yoga yesterday. Some of it was harder than I thought it’d be, but this is mostly cuz I’m not familiar with it. Also, I’m too fat to be as flexible as you need to be for some of these exercises as opposed to lacking the strength to do it. I don’t see how this can boost the metabolism and promote weight loss as they claim, but I can see it helping with strength and the prevention of any additional weight gain. That’s what I’ve pretty much resigned myself to cuz it’s the most doable and realistic goal for a 47-year-old who can’t stand to eat 1000 calories or less every single day. No, I don’t like remaining 40 pounds overweight, but it’s better than gaining 40 more. Anyway, I had to stop to watch and learn some of the exercises cuz I couldn’t see the screen while hunched over in some of the positions. I think that as long as I remain active and keep my carbs, sugar and starch levels down, I shouldn’t gain any more weight. I’d be totally screwed if I ever acquired an illness or injury that prevented me from being active.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2013 So it finally rained. I was surprised. I thought we were another 3-6 weeks away from any rain. But it rained on and off from 4:30 am till after I crashed. There was even some thunder to go with it. I didn’t think we’d hear it as well in here now that we’ve got a real roof, but the patio and carport roofs, which run alongside both sides of the house, are made of metal. You can hear it just fine in here, especially in the laundry room. As nice as it was for variety’s sake since it rarely rains here and I was missing it, I wish it had done that tomorrow. Tomorrow’s when the landscapers and their obnoxious vehicles will be back in service. The ground may still be too wet for mowing, but I’m sure they’ll be out trimming.

I should’ve figured the person asking me on Ask to keep MD going due to Blogger loading too slowly on their phone was Kim. I considered “No one” for a minute, but figured Kim was more likely, if not someone connected to Molly. That gut feeling was reinforced when I was asked if I ever thought it was Kim or Molly as “we” want to keep up with what you write.

Classic Kim style. So was the question asking if I feared my online enemies would get to me in real life. snorts I wish they WOULD come to me!

Anyway, I’ve had enough of her stalking shit for over a year now and felt it was time to deprive her of her reading pleasure. I disagree with Andy who says a whole year of not being able to follow/contact me will get her (or Molly) out of my life forever, cuz these aren’t just people who are obsessed, but crazy as well. The insane live in a constant time warp. I could disappear for a decade and they’d see it as if I were only gone for days.

So I deactivated my main Ask account and have gone private on MD. She’ll just have to “face” me on Blogger or have her “sources” read it for her. I know she doesn’t just prefer MD for its simplicity and its mobile compatibility but for its lack of a tracker as well. Well, tough shit, you trunkless elephant!

Meanwhile, I was relieved to know that in Germany they can still deny messages from strangers, which is what Nane does, even though Kim doesn’t seem fixated on my friends.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2013 I’m totally on nights now, which I both like and hate. I hate how it just feels all wrong and makes me feel out of sorts in a sense. I like it because it’s dead quiet.

Tom read up on soundproofing and there’s this site that says that due to most sounds coming through windows, you should install a second window with a vinyl frame, not metal or wood. There’s even a company that comes and does customized windows for you. They say it cuts noise by 90%, but what is 90%? 90% of a soft sound may make it seem non-existent, but what about loud vehicles?

And why such huge windows in a bedroom of all places??? They’re 30”x72.” Tom could stand in them.

For now, I’ll probably only get woken up about once a week and it’s usually only for a few minutes. I still can’t believe how much traffic goes through here! I slept fine today being that it was Sunday, but tomorrow I probably won’t sleep as well. Oh well. You learn to live with it. On the flip side, some things turned out better than expected. I really thought we’d hear more barking and that people would be pestering us at the door regularly. I can’t believe how much they pestered us in Maricopa, in the middle of a 10-acre ranch in Nowhere Land, compared to here!

Been working like crazy on setting up my new Blogger blog, copying in and backdating old entries, etc.

Tom’s been taking advantage of the time off to catch up on sleep and get things done around here. He cleaned and fixed the printer and finally replaced the toilet seat in the second bath. Together we changed the rat’s cage, and then I ended up crashing early after reading with the Kindle in bed. Slept for almost 10 hours.

No one tried to shoot me in my dreams, but the guy who runs a diary site wanted to sell me the site. He said he’d go a grand for just anyone, but $500 for friends, haha. I also went to pee on an old abandoned bus in the woods and was surprised to exit the bus to find a light dusting of snow on the ground. Then I saw some sleeping bears and thought I might cuddle up with them for warmth till I realized how insane that would be. :)

Gonna spend the night doing my usual – sweeping, proofreading, dragging old entries over to Blogger. Less than a month to go of the proofreading, yay! Then I can make time for other things like maybe going back to my language studies and story writing. It’s been a while since I’ve done those things.

First and foremost it’s off to workout and shower now that I’ve got some food in my tummy after nearly 15 hours.

Why did Maliheh open my last message to her and how long will she save it? Was it her “response” to my friending her, then quickly canceling the request? Yeah, I had a childish moment. Thought I’d return the favor of playing head games with her, not that she ever was a friend or that I would believe it if she suddenly said she wanted to be.

[therenlover]

One Last Night In Madripoor (An 18+ Helmut Zemo/Reader Oneshot)

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Tags: Smut, SoftDom!Zemo, Hook Up, Semi-Public Sex, Drinking, Safe Sex, Explicit Consent, First Meeting, Wall Sex, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Swearing, Explicit Sexual Content

Word Count: 4200~

This fic has been crossposted under the same title to my AO3!

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Madripoor was a place like nothing you had ever seen.

It wasn’t that the sights were anything special. You could find seedy criminal underbellies lined with neon where the streets ran red with blood anywhere if you looked hard enough. Even the ocean view didn’t do much to set it apart from any other place visually. No, Madripoor’s scenery and architecture weren’t what kept your eyes wide with wonder whenever you found yourself wandering through the winding back-alleys without a purpose. It was the people that kept you around.

Thieves, pirates, and miscreants had been taking shelter at the docks since before anyone there could remember. It was a city borne of the underbelly of society, the people nobody sees, but you saw them. You saw them every day when you stood in the main market waiting for an easy bounty. There were faces everywhere; big and small, tall and short, scarred and flawless. No two people in the streets of Madripoor were ever exactly alike. If you needed to remember someone, their unique face was right there waiting in your mind.

After living on the island for almost 6 months, most people were already cataloged neatly in your mind as friend or foe. This man, though, he was new. He was different.

The night was still young. There was some trouble at the Princess Bar that ended with Selby dead and a few murderers loose in the streets with a price on their heads, but you steered clear. Going after the killers meant going up against hundreds if not thousands of trained bounty hunters and assassins and no amount of money was worth dying over now, not while you were so close to freedom. Instead of chasing your doom, you decided to head to your room, get dressed up, and head out to wherever the music was loudest in search of a place to forget about your problems for the night. The thudding sounds of poorly DJ-ed club remixes led you to Leonardo’s Place. That’s where you found him.

You were two drinks in and sticking close to the wall when he stumbled into your line of sight. What initially caught your eye was his dancing. He couldn’t move for shit. What kept your attention, though, was his face.

There was transience to him, like at any moment someone could bump into him and he would disappear without a trace at their touch. Despite that he was gaudy. Everything about his clothing screamed wealth and fine taste from the thread count of his obnoxious purple turtleneck to the shine on his boots. He was strange, a walking contradiction, and one who had never had the pleasure of gracing your presence or screwing you over in the past. In the simplest of terms, he intrigued you. With nothing left to lose you downed the last of your cocktail and made your way to the gap in the crowd where the stranger had staked his claim. It was game time.

“You come here alone?” You asked. Your voice was barely a whisper above the heavy thrumming of the music.

He gave you a long look up and down before answering as if he were trying to size you up. Something about having his gaze linger on your body made your heartbeat soar. “I’m not looking for company,” His accented tone was gruff but left a sliver of room for reconsideration. You took the chance. What could go wrong?

With as much tact and grace as you could muster you let yourself slip a little closer to him. “What, do I look too expensive for you?” you teased, before backing off with a grin, “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not here for that. My job is a little more… dangerous.” As you danced, the hem of your dress rode up your thigh just enough to reveal the knife holster in your garter belt. It pleased you greatly to see this handsome stranger do a double-take; that meant he was looking at your upper thigh in the first place. “I just liked what I saw in you… do you like what you see in me?”

Somehow, your little joke had endeared him to you, however minutely. Instead of brushing you off the man paused his jerky dancing for a moment to really take you in. Then, he caved. “Would you like a drink?” He asked.

You smirked. “Who would I be if I turned down a free drink from a handsome stranger,”

He met you in the middle as he offered you his hand. “I never promised it would be free,”

So, the two of you found yourselves at the bar, bodies leaned into each other and away from the rest of the sweltering crowd as the bartender slid you your order. The stranger was drinking a brandy straight while you opted for a sidecar. It was enough alcohol that you were starting to feel pretty buzzed, but you still felt in full control of yourself. You took a long sip before speaking. “So, what should I call you?”

It took him a moment to respond but once he did, he seemed sure of himself. “You can call me Helmut, but Baron is fine as well,”

You cocked up an eyebrow. “Is that a nickname?”

“More of a title,”

He took a drink as you gawked. “Like royalty?”

“Not like. I am,”

Your cheeks flushed. The rational part of your mind was so stunned by the ease with which Helmut lied that it seemed to short circuit completely, leaving you very puzzled and more than a little intrigued. “Well, pardon me, Mr. Baron. What’s royalty like you doing in a place like this?”

“There are plenty of reasons a man like me would have business here. A woman as beautiful as you, though… not so much,” he waved his hand in loose gestures as he spoke, “Why risk your life and beauty for this? A life living in the underground where you cannot so much as dream of seeing the stars?”

You finished your drink in one large swig. It burned down your throat but you relished in the pain. “Not all of us are lucky enough to be born in a place where we can see the stars. Funny enough, though, I’m just about to get out,”

“Is that right?”

“I finally saved up enough money from small jobs to buy my way out from under the Power Broker’s thumb,” Something about the way Helmut smiled at you made you feel safe. It was like you could tell him your worst, darkest secrets and not feel an ounce of fear or guilt. “I’m nothing special here, a small-time bounty hunter, and I kept it that way for a reason. I’m not valuable and I don’t know much. If I just pay my dues and keep the money coming until I can get their claws out of my back, I should be free to leave with a freighter tomorrow morning,”

Helmut was quick to respond. “Ah, travel by freighter. It’s terribly dangerous to be a stowaway, you know? Impossible to predict quite what the seas will be like,”

“Well, that’s just a risk I’ll have to take to get out of here and stop… what was it that you said I was doing? Risking my life and beauty?”

The two of you chuckled as Helmut took one last drink to empty his glass. Then, the conversation stilled. Around you people were alive, gyrating to the music as their pulses thumped to the beat, but it was like they weren’t even there. Instead, your whole being was focused on the strange man in front of you who had stolen away your sensibilities with his cool tone and thick accent. He made you feel alive. No, more than alive. Every color was brighter, every sound was sharper, every sip of your drink was crisper. He was a once-in-a-lifetime man, and this was a once-in-a-lifetime night. Oh, to hell with it!

“I like you, Baron,” you purred, pressing yourself close to him. His breath hitched the moment you touched him. He acted as if it had been a very long time since he was last touched like that. “And I think you like me too. In fact, I think you like me enough that we should take this conversation somewhere a little more private. What do you say?”

He didn’t respond. Instead, his gloved hand made its way around your wrist, and in a moment’s time, he was pulling you across the crowded dance floor towards a small, secluded hallway. You assumed that meant yes.

The instant you made it to the shelter of the shadows Helmut was on you like a man starved. One of his hands was quick to explore the skin just above the hem of your dress as the other pressed against the wall, caging you in and holding you as a more than willing hostage to his affections. He didn’t kiss your face, and you weren’t complaining about that, but he did put his mouth to good use sucking a dark bruise into your collarbone. His ministrations only stopped when a high, keening sound escaped your lips.

“You like that, don’t you, meine kleine schlampe?” he growled through gritted teeth. Something about his tone turned your already weak legs to jelly. The second you went limp in his grip, though, he pulled back. Straightening himself out, he offered you a steadying arm. You took it without hesitation. “I’m terribly sorry to be so rude. I assure you that I am not usually the type of man to hook up with someone on a whim, I’ve simply been… indisposed for many years and haven’t had many opportunities for pleasure, especially not with a woman as beautiful as you,”

His compliment was enough to have you blushing like a schoolgirl. You had killed more people than you could reasonably count, and probably fucked even more, but something about the way Helmut looked and sounded and acted made you feel almost innocent to his advances. He was a drug and you needed to get your fix before he disappeared forever.

“Does that mean you think I’m special?” You asked, all doe eyes with an innocent smile. Helmut ate it right up.

“Yes, schatzi. Very special,”

You hitched a leg up, letting your heel dig into his expensive dress pants and drag him closer to you once again. “First your little slut and now your little treasure? Which one is it, Helmut?”

“And so smart,”

“Move, Baron!”

At your insistence, Helmut was on you once again, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses down your neck as he fiddled with his gloves, yanking them off and shoving them in his back pocket before he continued. “So demanding,” he chided, and yet he continued to lavish you with affection, his hand climbing higher and higher up your thigh. Your back was pressed flush to the wall now, and you were painfully aware of just how warm Helmut was. He smelled like a rich man’s cologne and yet his skin tasted of cheap soap when you leaned in to give him a bruise of his own.

“You love it,” you replied. He let out a husky laugh.

“I suppose I do,” he chuckled, and then his fingers brushed over your core. Your knees buckled. Helmut kept you upright with his body as he continued to taunt you through your underwear, but he seemed more confident now, almost cocky. “My needy schatzi, have you no patience?”

Your response was breathless; a confession.

“Not with you,”

Something about your words lit a fire in Helmut’s eyes. In an instant he had your leg hiked up while he ground his hardened length against your clothed wetness. Your mind went blank. He felt big. A mindless whimper fell from your lips.

“How do you want me?” Helmut asked. As he spoke he ran a light finger down your elevated thigh. You offered up another whimper. “I’ll need you to use your words and tell me what you want or I can’t give it to you,” His tone had you wet enough that you worried you were dripping.

With a gulp, you managed to fumble out the words. “I’ll blow you first if you promise to fuck me,”

That had him grinning like a wolf. “Perhaps you are my little schlampe, so eager to get down on your knees for me…” And you were. Even on shaky legs, you found yourself happily falling to your knees as the Baron fumbled with his fly. It was only then that you found yourself gazing down the hall towards the cacophony of lights and sounds and people maybe 20 feet away from your hiding place in the shadows. As if he could sense your discomfort, Helmut paused. “Are you alright?”

You nodded quickly. “I just forgot we were out in the open for a second,”

“Do you want to stop? If the location is the problem, I would gladly pause so we can find a new hideaway,” he stopped short, looking down and meeting your heavily lidded gaze, “or perhaps the idea of putting on a show excites you?” Your heart jumped out of your chest. Helmut noticed. “Well, if my little schlampe is so keen on putting on a show, she should get a move on,”

That was your cue to get to work. In a swift motion, you finished unzipping his fly and shifted his boxers, letting his lovely cock spring free. It was a pleasant penis and far as they went, average in length but thick with a leaking purple tip at half-mast. Just looking at it made you clamp your legs together.

Slowly, you gave a tentative lick up the underside of his length. He felt heavy on your tongue in the best of ways. Helmut jerked upward, a man possessed. You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s been a long time, huh?”

“Less talking, more working little schlam-” you cut Helmut off quickly by taking most of his length into his mouth. That seemed to shut him up. His wolf-like grin had dissolved into a slack-jawed mess the second you started to suck him off. Oh, this was going to be fun.

For the most part, the Baron let you set the pace, bobbing your head and taking as much of his length as you comfortably could, but after a short while his hands were buried in your hair as he fought the urge to buck into your throat, hard. With a particularly rough snap of his hips, Helmut pulled away.

“You are an angel from heaven, schatzi,” he groaned, pulling himself slowly from your mouth as you got your first good deep breath in a while, “but a deal is a deal, and it wouldn’t be quite fair if I got to have all the fun, now would it?” Your breath hitched in your throat. Finally time for the main event.

Helmut was surprisingly gentle with you as he offered you a hand and helped you back up, only pausing to wipe a line of dribble off your chin with his thumb. With anyone else, it would have felt wholly humiliating but with Helmut… well, it did things to you you would rather not admit. You quirked up an eyebrow, though, when he got on his knees in turn, mirroring your past position. “What are you doing, Baron?”

“I simply assumed my sweet schatzi would enjoy a reward for taking my cock so well,” his words had you biting your lip as your cheeks flushed, “now be a good girl and take what I give you. I want to hear those pretty noises you made earlier,” With that, his face disappeared under your skirt. He pulled down your panties and… snickered?

“What now?” you groaned, squirming as his hot breath hit your exposed nub.

“You’re sopping wet,” he replied. Out of habit, you moved to shut your legs but found Helmut’s large hand was holding them open. “I do enjoy being sandwiched between your thighs, but you shouldn’t hide yourself from me. Take your pleasure. You’ve earned it,” That was when he began his assault on your folds.

You had been with plenty of partners over the years, all with varying proficiencies when it came to giving pleasure, but no one had ever made you feel quite as good as Helmut did while you gripped his hair and rode his face with reckless abandon. He always hit just the right spot, alternating between sucking on your sensitive clit and running his rough tongue in sloppy circles against it. In no time flat your pleasure was building toward’s its peak as your knees trembled.

“Helmut,” you squeaked, “Helmut I’m gonna cuuuUUOH!”

You were suddenly thrown over the edge of pleasure as the Baron worked you open with his fingers, pressing that spot inside of you just right. It was a revelation. Nothing would ever compare to him and you hadn’t even fucked yet. Once you had regained some semblance of stability he emerged from his place between your thighs, face slick with your juices, wearing the expression of a cat that got the cream.

“You make such lovely sounds for me, schatzi,” Helmut groaned, rising from his place at your feet and reaching into his pocket. While he fumbled for a condom you took the time to actually remove your panties, lifting one shaky leg at a time before balling them up and tossing them on the ground. You could grab them later. Or not! In all honesty, your ruined undies were the last thing on your mind as your watched Helmut roll the condom onto his proud cock, pumping himself a few times. “Now, are you sure you want this?”

You had never felt more sober in your whole life despite the drinks you’d downed earlier.

“God, yes,”

“Wonderful,”

He caged you into his body once again, lining himself up on your slick folds, and then with a pronounced bite against your collarbone, he was entering you. It wasn’t painful or uncomfortable, you just felt full, like a missing piece of your body had been completed. For the first few thrusts, you were too blissed out to really take note of anything around you, but once you tuned back into the world of the living you realized Helmut was talking. Well, babbling was more like it. He seemed to simply be speaking his stream of consciousness into your ear as he pistoned in and out of you like a madman. There was a jilted rhythm to it, but the abnormality kept you on your toes.

“I won’t be letting you go any time soon, schatzi, and definitely not on some dank freighter like a rat from the gutters. No, you will travel with me. Once I help my friends and slip away from the front lines I can take you anywhere your little heart desires. Paris, Vienna, Australia… Mein Gott, what a sweet cunt,”

Any sane woman, after hearing his sex-drunken musings, would have run. They would have heard the wild ramblings of a madman and left after their little fling was done to never see him again. It was only rational. He didn’t even know your real name. Sane women didn’t run away with strangers claiming to be barons they hooked up with in a seedy club selling stolen Van Goghs in a hub of the criminal underworld.

The only thing was, though, that you weren’t a sane woman.

You were a killer, a child left in the streets to live or die who had scraped themselves together and dragged themselves towards life. So what if the idea of some rich mysterious benefactor with a good dick coming in to save the day sounded fantastic? It was fantastic. Like your own personal version of Pretty Woman. Even if he wasn’t as rich as he claimed to be, being poor and getting dicked down by him was better than being poor and alone.

For just a moment, and with no regrets, you let yourself get lost in the fantasy and just let go.

It was as if Helmut could sense a difference.

“Are you close, little schlampe?” He gasped, letting his thrusts take on a faster staccato rhythm.

You could do little more than moan and nod as he pounded you into the wall. That seemed to be enough for him to get the message, though.

“What a good girl,” he purred. His mouth was so close to your ear, his hot breath tickling the sensitive flesh with each heaving breath he took. As he chased his own climax, he brought a hand between your bodies and rubbed tight, wet circles around your clit. It was already sensitive, your body was only barely recovering from your first orgasm, and yet something about the overstimulation was thrilling, like racing towards an impossible dream. With a shout, you came for the second time, melting into Baron Helmut’s arms as he quickly followed.

The two of you stayed there, slumped against the cool wall and still connected by your dripping sexes, for a few moments, breathing heavy. Surprisingly, you were the first to speak.

“Wow,” you breathed, letting a soft laugh escape your lips.

Helmut returned the sentiment. “You were wonderful,” In a strange moment of intimacy, he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, but then he pulled out, tying off the full condom and tossing it to the ground as he tucked himself back into his boxers and zipped up his fly.

“Are you just gonna leave that there?” you made a gesture towards his litter.

“They have janitors,”

A burbling laugh escaped from your lips. “That they do,”

Back in the main room of the party, the crowd had only grown larger as the night progressed. Nobody had seen you, nor had they noticed your cries as they danced and drank and made merry under the neon lights. You were, for all intents and purposes, invisible at Helmut’s side. Within and without. There was something exhilarating about knowing he was the only one that truly saw you in a room packed with hundreds. It was like something out of a twisted fairytale.

“So…” you broached the subject gently while you pulled down your dress to protect your modesty, “Did you mean what you said back there about Paris and Vienna, or…”

“Oh, you heard that?”

You snickered. “It was pretty hard not to with you breathing in my ear,”

“I apologize,” he leaned against the wall beside you, shoulder to shoulder in the darkness, “but yes, I meant what I said. I-”

Suddenly, from down the hall, a booming voice interrupted your moment.

“There you are!”

“Goddamnit, Zemo, I thought we told you to stay low not hire an escort,”

There, at the mouth of the hallway, stood two massive men. They were obviously displeased, and though their faces were obscured by the lights you could tell you weren’t the one they were after.

They called him Zemo… where had you heard that name before?

Helmut stepped away from the wall with a shrug. “At least I didn’t cause a scene by forgetting to put my phone on silent,”

The larger of the two men stayed where he was, while the other walked to meet the Baron in the middle.

“I swear to God, man, you’ve gotten ten times more insufferable since I learned you were rich.

The Baron shrugged. “It comes with the territory,”

“But you don’t have to be such a jackass about it,”

You felt it was a good time to chime in.

“Thank you so much for that, Helmut, but I think I should give you guys some privacy,” you said, straightening out your dress and walking deeper into the hallway. There had to be an exit somewhere…

“Wait!” When you turned, you found Helmut rushing to meet you. The men in the background looked shocked and almost smug. “Save your money. Meet me out at the airstrip tomorrow afternoon if you feel like seeing me again. If not, know that the Power Broker doesn’t let go of assets cheap, and you just slept with a man with a million dollar bounty, so buying your freedom isn’t an option. If you want to go without me, you’ll have to hitch a ride on a cargo ship but not as a stowaway. Working for your keep is the best way to stay under the radar. Nobody can touch you once you’r-”

You cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. “I’ll see you at your private jet, Baron,”

He smirked. “So you will,” With as much gusto as a man could muster, he returned to his companions but not before offering one last goodbye. “Farewell, schatzi, until tomorrow,”

As you leaned up against the wall once more, you watched them go with a twinkle in your eye.

“Who was that?”

“None of your business, James,”

“Guys, what the hell did I just step on?”

“I believe that was my used rubber,”

“ZEMO!”

-------

a/n: I hope you enjoyed the filth! I haven’t written for Zemo before, even though I’ve loved him for years, but he’s definitely going into my main rotation now. If you have any ideas, send them my way! I’d love to fill the void, because there just aren’t very many Zemo x reader fics out there. If you enjoyed this, maybe reblog or leave a comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again!

Please do not post my works to any other sites, thanks! <3

[s-hera]

Meeting Your Parents Headcannon

Kakucho Hitto, Mitsuya Takashi, Teen!Ran haitani.

~ Tags. Fluff, None! But if there are some she/her pronoun used please tell me and if there's a warning I should put too<3 and they/them pronoun used! 514 wc! Just grammatical errors and typos.

~ a/n. green flag ed bcs they go to therapy! Not ran biased, just got carried away on writing his part.

Kakucho hitto

~ Polite and respectful asf<3

“ Hi Mrs. L/n, Thanks for having me for dinner, Nice to meet you”

~ Would say his habits Ex. I smoke, I drink alcohols but we all know green flag kaku doesn’t do that.

“ I wanted to respect you, as y/n’s parent and family, i'm here to ask permission if could i take them out on a date, not as a boyfriend but as a suitor first, I want them to finish Senior high school before dating her.

~ He actually wants to be really your suitor first because it's a big respect for your family and he wants your parents to know him more before dating you.

Mitsuya Takashi

~ Just like kaku, The word RESPECT.

~ He would casually introduce himself like “good afternoon, mrs. Im takashi mitsuya, Leader of home economics club, I met y/n on a library”

If they said “ they has a time curfew 8 pm, she Needs to be home with that exact or earlier than that”

“ don’t worry aunt, as their suitor I respect your rules, if it's fine, both of us can hang out around here in your neighborhood, i'll just bring them something every time I visit, Or if it’s ok…can i borrow them? I also have younger sisters, i'm sure my younger siblings would like to meet them.”

“Really? You have a younger sister? It’s fine, You can bring them here too. I would appreciate it” its your mom who likes kid so much.

“Sure, mrs.l/n I’ll let them visit here, since you said so^^”

~ Having younger sibling is a perk tbh.

Ran Haitani

~ Omfg this mf…DEAD.

~ Respectful but is a tease at the same time.

“O-oh really, they have a older brother”

“Their older brother is 20 years old, they’re 4 or 5 years apart”

“Can’t wait to meet him aunt, Hope both of us gets along”

“About that…their brother is quite strict about them especially when it comes to dating, they’re still sixteen years old, he wants them to graduate first before dating someone”

“Hmmm, then i’ll be her suitor first, aunt, since he’s their older brother, i’ll respect him.”

~ Yeah mf like to call your mom “aunt/auntie/mom” and your father “Uncle/dad” without your parents permission. Would definitely call your brother “brother” too. Since your brother is 2 years older that him.

~ If your brother likes to read or hates annoying people like he is, he would be sad asf.

~ But if he thinks your brother has a vibe then expect them to be close, or if bro is swaggy like play online games, Fashion sense is <3, Knows how to beat up someone then you two would not be a couple because your brother and him would look like a couple already.

~ Would definitely invite your swaggy big bro every time you too go to a mall for a date, and you would look like a third wheeler. He gives you attention but the attention he gives to your brother is 2x more T-T

© 2022 by s-hera━ all rights reserved! comments, likes, and reblog are highly appreciated. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[harryspet]

pinky promise | p.parker, b.barnes & s.rogers

[Warnings] little!peter x little!reader, stucky x reader, stucky x peter, ddlg, ddlb, polyamory, fingering, vaginal sex, sex in little space, age regression, millionaire!stucky, hints of breeding kink

A/N: she’s finally here :)  i intended for this to have more stucky but it just didn’t work out lol 

In which Peter and you play Mommy and Daddy. 

taglist: @peterztinglez @lovelynerdytraveler @buckybarney @hollandsdream @micki-smiles @buckybarnesplumwhore @arts-ismything @saharzek @lovemassivelybeautifulbouquet @what-is-your-wish  @brattypeony @hermayone @buckysugar @mandiiblanche @nsfwsebbie​@yanderepeterparker @ttqueen05 @belleknows​ @write-from-the-heart​ @sad-ed-noise​ @quaksonhehe​

main masterlist

word count: 2.6k

“Pick out which one you want, baby,” Bucky whispered before walking past the little curtain, talking into his cellphone as he listened in on an important phone call. You went back and forth trying on the same skirt, one white and the other a light pink. You were starting to get a bit frustrated, knowing that you preferred when Steve just chose for you. 

You huffed, deciding that you didn’t want to look at yourself in the dressing room mirror for any longer. You decided to put them back on their individual hangers and put your clothes on. That morning, Daddy had put you in one of your “big girl” dresses. It was still light blue with ruched sleeves but, paired with your white sneakers, you looked normal enough to walk around the mall. 

When you left the dressing room, Bucky was waiting for you. His face instantly fell when he saw your expression, “What’s wrong?” He grabbed your arm softly and when you turned your face away from him, he grabbed your chin, “Which skirt did you pick?”

“I didn’t like them,” You spoke softly, your eyes slowly rising up to meet his.

“But you looked beautiful in them,” You gave him a shy look and his lips began to tug into a grin. He reached up to brush a piece of your hair behind your ear. 

“I can’t decide,” You told him, “I don’t need them anyways …”

“Nonsense. If you can’t choose, then my princess must have both. How else are you supposed to turn heads and make a good impression on the first day of classes?” Bucky easily dismissed the idea, “We’ll have a fashion show tonight and the boys can help you pick.”

You should’ve known that money would be no object to him. It was never to Steve but it seemed Bucky liked to spoil you especially. No wonder Peter was so spoiled. 

“Thank you, Papa,” As he heard your voice, the raise in pitch and the pouting lips, he knew what you needed. He kissed your forehead softly. 

“Awe, my baby doesn’t want to be a big girl anymore. Let’s get you home then, princess.”

It was true. Your date today was very nice and you loved the bond you were building with Bucky but you wanted desperately to wind down in little space. After a long day of college classes, your favorite thing was coming home to Steve but now you got to come home to three people who wanted to baby you. 

From the moment, Bucky buckled your seatbelt for you, you were already beginning to slip. He held your hand the entire ride and as the two of you walked into the luxurious brownstone in Brooklyn that you called home. 

You were quite ready to run into Steve’s arms but the first thing you saw was Steve’s arms wrapped around Peter. The younger boy was sitting in his lap, playing a video game, his eyes focused on the flat screen illuminating the living room. 

When Steve saw you, he smiled of course, but you couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Steve was Peter’s Daddy as well but, in your moment of wanting to regress, you couldn’t help but want Steve’s full attention.  

“Hi, Papa!” Peter shouted, his eyes not leaving the Mario Kart game. He was dressed in his PJ’s, the footie ones that had all the little Darth Vader’s printed on them. 

“How was your trip? Successful, I hope,” Steve asked. 

Bucky seemed to notice your mood had a fell and that's when you felt his hand on your waist. He lifted you easily, setting you on his hip, all while holding your shopping bags. You were very grateful, resting your head on his shoulder, “Very successful but this one is in need of some tender love and care. I think we need a nice warm bath, don’t we?”

Bucky felt you nod and his lips pressed into a thin line. Steve flashed him a knowing look and Bucky gave him a look that said, “don’t worry, i got this”. The merging of your small family went much better than Steve had anticipated but you still had your moments. 

Bucky carried you upstairs into the room you shared with Peter. The walls weren’t painted white but the two sides of the room contrasted each other. Peter’s side was full of pastel blues and greens while yours was rainbow central. 

Bucky ran a bath for you and, much to your enjoyment, he joined you inside. You felt completely relaxed as he ran a wash cloth along your skin, soaping you up and massaging your skin gently. Your back against his front, Bucky could feel you slowly relaxing. 

“You know, both Daddy and Papa love you very much,” Bucky spoke into your ear, his hand dropping between your legs, slowly spreading them. 

“Mhm,” You agreed, shivers running through you despite the warm water. 

“And Peter does too …” As his fingers spread your folds, his strong hands began to rub in a circular motion.

“I know, Papa,” His pace was still gentle, every circle he made teased your sensitive bulb, and you found your hips starting to grind against his fingers. Your eyes closed as you tried to focus on the sensation. 

“That’s why I think that this weekend … you and Peter should spend some time together, while Daddy and Papa are away on business.”

Your eyes opened at that, surprise evident on your face, “Without Papa and Daddy? But we’re too little-” A small moan escaped your lips as he paid special attention to your special area. You slowly closed your eyes again. 

“Your big brother will take care of you, whatever you need, princess,” Bucky spoke softly, his fingers working methodically against your clit.

All you could do was nod, agreeing with whatever Bucky had said. You were too focused on your incoming orgasm to disagree. When you finally did release, Bucky didn’t let you go, he kept going until you were trying to pull away from his body. He wrapped his other arm around your torso, pulling you back, as he made you ride out your orgasm.

“Good girl,” He groaned into your ear, “What do you say?”

“T-Thank you, Papa,” You panted and he began to kiss the skin on your shoulder. 

+

You were still deep into little space when you awoke the next morning. After a tearful goodbye to Steve and Bucky, you decided that you’d play dress up in order to cheer yourself up. Peter explained to you that he was going to be a “big boy” and make the two of you food for your tea party. A tea party that he invited himself to after complaining that his own stuffed bear was invited before him. 

You’d chosen a cowgirl hat to go with your flouncy pink dress and set the living room up to be your venue. The coffee table was fully decorated and pillows surrounded the table for all your guests to sit. 

“Petey!” You called to the kitchen just as he entered with a plate. You told him he had to dress up if he was to join you but he refused to put on one of your dresses. Instead, you had to settle for him wearing a red cape and a crown. 

He set it out in the middle of the table, proudly smiling as he exclaimed, “Ta-da!”

You took one look and pouted, “You burnt it,” There were about ten slices of burnt toast with butter, “And where are the finger sandwiches? Cinnamon scones?”

Peter gave you a confused look as he took a seat on the pillow beside you. He was already grabbing a piece of toast and stuffing his mouth, “The toast is pretty good,” Was the great response you received. You shook your head, deciding to just pour the tea for everyone. 

“Here’s tea for you Buttons, Sassy Cat, Miss Sprinkles, Sir Horse  …. and for you Mr. Parker,” You poured his tea carefully and you smiled, noting how impressed he seemed by the simple act. You set down the pot and grabbed your own cup, “And make sure you sip it like this, with your pinky out, because we’re sophisticated.”

“I thought you were a cowgirl,” Peter chuckled a bit as you watched him try to sip his tea carefully. 

“A cowgirl princess,” You corrected him with the utmost seriousness, “I’m still sophisticated.”

“My apologies, your majesty,” He bowed his head slightly and you felt your cheeks heat up.

Your day had started with burnt toast but you had a feeling Peter was going to make it a fun day. 

+

Hours later, the living room was now shifted into a small fortress made of blankets and chairs. Toy Story was playing on the TV while you and Peter paid attention to your separate coloring books. Your most relaxing pastime was having your paci, letting it soothe you, while you colored. You stayed inside the lines unlike Peter and he’d constantly tear out his pages before starting again. 

The two of you had changed out of your costumes from early, having done a million activities since tea this morning. You were down your panties, a rainbow t-shirt, and fuzzy pink socks. You were flipping the page in your book when you felt Peter’s foot graze the bottom of yours. You didn’t think much of it, even starting to find the feeling soothing after a while. 

When you turned your head towards him, you found him watching you, “I’m bored,” He spoke suddenly, “Let’s play a video game.”

You only shook your head, turning back to your drawing, and you heard him let out a frustrated huff of air. The stroking of your foot soon turned into a tapping. Despite your attempt to ignore him, he began to inch closer to you. When you turned your head again, his face was only inches from yours and you were looking into his brown eyes, “We can play pretend some more,” That made you perk up and, despite being in the middle of drawing a castle, you set down your crayon. 

You gave him a curious look which caused him to smile, “We could play Mommy and Daddy,” As your eyebrows raised in confusion, he continued, “Well I’d be the Daddy and you’d be the Mommy of course. Don’t you know how to play?”

You slowly shook your head and Peter leaned in. You were frozen for a moment as he kissed your pacifier. You felt your cheeks heat us as he gently removed it from your mouth then pressed his soft lips against yours. You’d never shared a kiss with him while the two of you were alone and, for a moment, it felt forbidden, “We have to ask permission…”

Peter could see your enjoyment as clear as day, “But we’re just pretending. Mommies and Daddies kiss all the time,” You nodded, understanding though you still felt a bit nervous. 

“I like your kisses, Petey,” You said and you watched his face turn red. He leaned in again and you were grateful for his touch, how he moved your lips against yours, and how his tongue began to explore your mouth. You turned on your side and you felt his hands roam over your backside. 

He dipped his fingers into your panties, causing you to cry out, “Shush, we have to be quiet. We can’t wake up the baby,” He whispered to you and you instantly nodded, enjoying the sensation, “You’re soaked, Y/N.”

You could feel his member growing hard against your thigh, still confined to his underwear. You reached out to touch it and you watched him shudder at your touch, “Geez…” He groaned, “Do you want to make another baby?” Something seemed to shift in his eyes and suddenly he was more eager than before. 

“Yes,” You nodded, playing along to whatever scenario he was making up along the way, “I love being a Mommy.”

Peter couldn’t wait much longer and you let him climb on top of you as you quickly pulled down your panties. He didn’t waste time with his own underwear, pulling out his hard cock, and pressing against your warm heat. You felt his tip rub against your clit and then up and down your folds. 

You held onto the sides of his torso, gripping his striped shirt tightly as he began to sink inside of you, “Y-You’re so tight, honey,” he began to rock back and forth, looking into your eyes as he hovered over you. He gripped the pillows beneath you tightly, the motion in his hips causing your body to convulse beneath him. 

“Peter, peter, peter,” You breathed, biting down on your lip. His head dipped down, kissing your lips again and, distracted, you didn’t notice that his hand moved between your thighs. He fucked you while his hand stroked your sensitive bulb, knowing that would send you over your edge. As you tightened around him, you brought him to his climax. 

As he collapsed against you, catching his breath, you welcomed his embrace. 

“You can’t tell Papa or Daddy,” He told you, hugging you tight.

You only held out your pinky and he wrapped his around yours. 

You wouldn’t tell but you imagined the grand punishment that would ultimately lead to you cumming until you passed out. 

+

“Petey … petey,” You tapped the sleeping boy’s nose until you finally startled him awake. He was quite cute when he slept, holding tight to his teddy bear while he was tucked into his baby blue sheets. Peter pouted as soon as he opened his eyes, seeing you hovering over his face, book in hand, “I can’t sleep.”

He attempted to close his eyes again, “Count your sheep, Y/N,” He mumbled as he turned his head away from you. 

You bounced on top of him, your legs straddling him, and he awoke again, “I counted all the sheep! Like five trillion-million of them,” As your voice raised, he pressed his pointer finger to his lips. He sat up on his elbows, giving you a frustrated look. 

“Shush, you don’t wanna get in trouble, do you?” You instantly shook your head, obeying his warning to calm down. Peter eyes the book in your hand, “Why can’t you read it to yourself?”

“I like the way you read,” You spoke earnestly, “And you can say all the big words.”

You knew that would work, stroking his ego. Peter loved it when everyone treated him like a big boy. He thought for only a moment, a small smile tugging at his lips and suddenly his tiredness was gone.

“C’mon, get under,” He motioned for you to move and, excitedly, you climbed under the covers with him. The twin-sized bed fit you two comfortably and you liked cuddling more than anything. As Peter pulled the covers over you, he whipped out the flashlight he kept underneath his pillow.

You rested your head against his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso, as you listened to him, “Don’ you worry, Harry. You’ll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogwarts, you’ll be just fine. Just be yerself. I know it’s hard. Yeh’ve been singled out, an’ that’s always hard. But yeh’ll have a great time at Hogwarts — I did — still do, ’smatter of fact.”

The accents he used always made you giggle. Peter was quite the story teller but that didn’t keep you from drifting off a few minutes later. Peter kept reading, entranced by the novel, but stopped when he heard your soft snores. He turned off the light and let the book fall against his stomach. 

“G’night, Y/N.”

[amorgansgal]

Summary:  You've just finished robbing a house in Saint Denis, when who should you bump into but our favourite outlaw? You plan on making your way home, but Mr Morgan wants to treat you first!

Warnings: Flirting, little bit of sexual tension, ice cream drippage, but mostly still fluff. Maybe more steamy fluff. 

Pairing(s): Arthur Morgan x Reader, Arthur Morgan x You, Arthur Morgan x Y/N Can be read on AO3 too.

It sometimes took you by surprise how easy it was to sneak into these parties and events. But then you knew from experience how easy it was to practically disappear into the wallpaper, when it came to these wealthy families and their never-ending calendar of social events. Saint Denis was no different. With a mop cap to hide your face, a plain grey skirt, clean blouse and the apron tucked around your waist, none of the rich party guests gave you a second look.

A couple of the servants threw odd looks your way, perhaps trying to figure out who you were and why they had never seen you before, but none of them questioned it. Even when you left the garden party, pockets loaded with valuables, your strong, quick pace meant no one questioned where you were going.

Finally, after getting away from the tall red brick building and it’s sprawling gardens, you removed the mop cap and untied the apron. You slipped both into your pockets and began the long walk back to your pony, Pepper.

The hot sun baked the street, but with the marshy swamp around the area it wasn’t a pleasant warmth. The air was humid and heavy, and you felt a trickle of sweat run down your back. You wished you had brought a fan with you, but there hadn’t been any room for it. You decided to cut through one of the city’s parks, so you could splash your face with the water from the fountain there.

The leafy, green trees in the park gave some much needed shade, and you approached the large, marble fountain at the centre with it’s gawkish looking fish spewing water from their mouths. A couple of people were dotted about the park, some sat on the edge of the fountain itself, a few on the benches. You got a few disapproving looks when you splashed the cold water on the back of your neck and then pressed your now cooler hands against your face.

Satisfied that you could at least make it across the city without getting too sweaty during the journey, you wiped your hands on your skirt and began to walk to the other side of the park. Around the pathways and stone wall that marked the outer edge of the public garden, a cluster of shops and businesses lined the street.

You briefly glanced at the tailors, debating whether you could afford a new dress, considering your current one was a little worse for wear. A pretty light blue, summer dress caught your attention in the window. It had three quarter length sleeves, with white lace around the neckline and waist, and tiny daisies dotted the amongst the blue fabric. You pursed your lips on seeing the price. Sure, it wasn’t made of silk, satin or velvet, so you could probably scrape together enough for it, but then doubtless in the weeks that followed it would only get crumpled and dirty.

You sighed and were about to turn around to continue your walk, when a voice behind you made you jump, ‘Would look good on yer.’

Arthur chuckled when he saw your expression change rapidly from one of surprise to fear then to annoyance.

‘You’ve got to stop doing that, Arthur!’ You muttered.

‘You’ve got to stop being so god damn jumpy all the time.’

‘I’ll have you know-’ and you quickly looked around, checking to make sure Arthur was the only one who could hear you. ‘I’ve just robbed a house, so yes, I’m a little jumpy.’

‘Whatcha get?’

You grinned, ‘None of your damn business.’

He smiled and rubbed a hand against his chin, ‘Aw, and there was me going to treat ya, but if you got a good enough prize, guess you can treat yourself.’

‘Treat me? What do you mean?’

‘Oh, yer still interested?’

You rolled your eyes, ‘Well if you’re just going to play games with me, Mr Morgan, I best be on my way. Pepper is waiting for me and he’d probably be better company.’

You moved away from the shop and began walking down the street, but Arthur still fell in step beside you, ‘Don’ know why you like that pony so much, he’s a stubborn, scruffy thing.’

You smiled and arched your eyebrows, ‘Guess you would know a lot about that, Arthur!’

Arthur tried to bite back his smile, and looked down at his boots, ‘I ain’t too scruffy.’

‘He’s a sweetheart really, deep down,’ You replied, then quickly glanced away, warmth rushing to your cheeks when you realised that you very much felt the same way about the man next to you.

After a short walk Arthur came to a sudden halt and gestured to a small shop tucked underneath an archway, ‘Anyway, we’re here now.’

‘Where?’ You asked, looking up at the sign over the business. La Glace Parlour. You frowned, unable to gather why you were here and what Arthur had in mind. He sighed, shook his head, then pressed a hand to the small of your back and guided you to a small sign they had in the window. Though the feeling of his warm palm against the thin material of your dress, meant your mind could barely focus on the words in front of you.

‘Ice cream, pastries and light refreshments,’ you finally read, hoping that Arthur could not feel the slight shake that ran through you as he pulled his hand away from your back. You looked up at him.

He seemed to give up on your cluelessness, and went to open the door, the quiet afternoon interrupted by the bright ring of the bell over the door. ‘You still want raspberry?’

‘Um… Raspberry ice cream?’

‘Sure.’

‘I guess, but wait-’

He didn’t and walked quickly into the shop, leaving you alone on the street and fiddling with the frayed material of your sleeve. He wasn’t long though, soon returning holding a cone topped with a reddish pink swirl of ice cream and offered it to you.

‘Oh, thank you, Arthur.’ You took the cone from him, and licked the edge of the ice cream to stop it dribbling down. You relished the sharp, zingy flavour of the raspberries and the contrast between the cold sweet treat and the warmth of the afternoon sun. You mm-ed softly and smiled at Arthur, who quickly looked away, his cheeks reddening a little.

He shrugged, ‘S’alright, saw it when I was last here, remembered what you said. Figured I’d invite you into town at some point, but as you were already here…’

‘You ain’t getting one?’ you asked.

‘Nah.’

‘Well, you should try some of mine then, it’s really good,’ you offered the cone to him.

‘Nah, that’s all yours.’

‘Feel kind of bad that you’re not having any.’ You took another lick, before glancing at the man beside you. ‘This isn’t just because you’re a big gruff outlaw who can’t have ice cream, is it?’

He choked out a laugh then. ‘What?’

‘Don’t want to ruin your fearsome reputation by enjoying something sweet!’

Arthur managed to force out a strained sounding laugh, then rubbed the back of his head and scratched under the brim of his hat. ‘No, I… no, that’s not… I can enjoy...’ he tailed off, suddenly staring at the road, as though the dust of Saint Denis and the passing coaches were the most interesting things in the world.

Perhaps it was seeing him as equally flustered and speechless, as you were normally, that left you feeling a little bolder. You dipped your thumb into the ice cream and then brushed it over his cheek. You would have almost felt bad, but his startled expression only left you in a fit of giggles.

He tried to look annoyed, but failed miserably. He lifted up his bandana. ‘I could just wipe that off with this.’

‘Oh, but then you’d ruin my fun and my devious plan, Arthur Morgan!’

He smiled, wiped his thumb against the light red stain on his cheek and popped into this mouth. You immediately remembered why you were often speechless and flustered around Arthur. His sharp blue eyes stared into your own, and you knew you were biting your lower lip while a warm flush crept up your cheeks.

He pulled his thumb from his mouth with a pop and you felt your mouth drop open, before you managed to slam it shut. Arthur gave you a slight smirk, but his eyes dropped to your hand and he quickly reached out.

‘Careful, you’ll drop it!’ His hand grabbed your own and pulled it up, so you wouldn’t drop the cone in the dirt of the path. Little dribbles of red ice cream ran down your hand, and you unthinkingly darted your tongue out to lick up the melted cream.

‘Thank you for-’ You looked up at Arthur who was staring at you so fiercely, it almost made you forget the ice cream in your hand again. Even under the shadow of his hat, his eyes were dark and stormy, pupils blown wide. You weren’t sure if you were imagining it or if you had really seen his eyes drop to your pink stained lips.

He cleared his throat, then put his hand on your back once more, and forced you to walk ahead of him, ‘Come on, can’t be late back.’

-

Tilly let out a small ‘hm’ when you unwrapped the brown paper parcel you had found on your bedroll a few days later, and found the blue dress dotted with daisies therein.

‘Wonder who got you that!’ she said sarcastically.

You revelled in the warm feeling that entered the pit of your stomach and pulled the dress up to look at it properly. You’d have to think of a seriously good way of thanking Arthur Morgan for his kindness.

[ldss-interactive]

At Alter’s End: A CYOA Novel

Overview:

Trentworth, Maine. A town of ten thousand southeast of Ellsworth and North of Bayside. Its only bragging point since its conception in 1867 was being a shoreline city and cheaper than any of the other big tourist towns. Nothing ever happened here, besides the occasional drowning or fishing trip accident, until the killings started. They lasted five years in total and 48 people were lost to the killer’s sick desires. Robert Hall terrorized this small town, slipping under the radar by focusing on those considered “undesirable”; sex workers, orphans, drug addicts, and the like. Now ten years later, ten years after the killer has been put behind bars, murders have begun again. A copycat killer has come to Trentworth. And they seem to be targeting the ones left behind, still trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives…

You take the role of a highschool senior; your parents having died in a home fire shortly before the killer was put behind bars and now under the care of your workaholic aunt. Make allies of your classmates or attempt to go it alone, clear your parents’ name from their believed involvement with the killer or fight to put the past behind you, deal with the skeletons in your closet and mind or bury them deeper... Oh, and make sure your history project is turned in on time. With two young siblings depending on you and a whole host of problems a highschool student should never have to deal with, can you survive this nightmare made real?

Trigger Warnings: This game will go into very heavy topics including the following; murder, death, various mental health issues (such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety), abandonment, gambling, various types of drug addiction, self harm mentions (not happening to the MC or shown in graphic detail), suicide, sex work, child abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), and dangerous situations. This is a murder mystery/thriller, it is NOT intended for audiences below 18.

Hello! Thank you for showing interest in At Alter’s End. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure style novel in the Thriller and Murder Mystery genres. It would also fit nicely in the Drama genre as well, but Drama is not the focus. This will be a rather lengthy project, with fifteen chapters plus a prologue and epilogue planned.

You take on the role of a senior at Trentworth High. Join an after-school activity, take care of your younger siblings, prepare for finals, get a part time job, find a date to homecoming, and survive your worst nightmare come to life. The copycat killer is targeting the students of your school and no one is safe. With the police dragging their feet, no help coming any time soon from any higher up law enforcement, and the locals refusing to acknowledge the possibility of a copycat killer, it’s up to you and your classmates to find the person responsible...before it’s too late.

- You can play as female, male, nonbinary, or trans!

- You can be straight, gay, or bisexual!

- A highly customizable MC including hair color, eye color, skin color, hair length, height, and personality and interests!

- The ability to choose which mental illness the MC suffers from due to the trauma of their past from the following:

Anxiety, Depression, or PTSD.

- The MC is deaf in their right ear ear due to the way in which their parents died; this is not something that can be changed.

- Choose from 7 different official after-school activities! Trentworth Volunteers, Up and Coming Artists, National Debate Society, National Honors Society, Co-Ed Varsity Basketball, Creative Writing, and Trentworth Gardeners!

- Bond with your classmates, explore your town, and help raise your younger siblings!

- Rescue your parents’ bakery from corporate clutches or let it go!

- Find the killer, stop the murders, and put a stop to the rumors that have plagued your every step for 10 years!

Vanya: Oldest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive siblings, 6 years younger than MC. Strong-headed, intelligent, and always getting into trouble. She looks after her brother and MC in the ways she can.

Ajay: Youngest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive sibling, 6 years younger than MC. Nearly completely blind since birth, he enjoys painting and other artistic endeavors. Obedient yet opinionated.

Aunt Emma: The workaholic aunt that takes custody of MC and their younger siblings after the death of their parents. Well meaning but absent most of the time on business trips or at the office.

Kwan Hall: An adoptive relative to Robert Hall; aloof, intelligent, and completely ostracized by Trentworth as a whole. When the killings start again the town’s attention is immediately turned on Kwan. He’s the first to begin investigating the killings when the police prove their incompetence. He is of Korean descent, standing at 5’6” with dark hair and dark eyes. His most notable feature is the long scar that stretches from his forehead’s hairline, down his left temple, and ends just below his jawline and the constant disinterest on his face. He is asexual in that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction at all. He is also bisexual.

Alessia D’Agostina: Trentworth High’s school president. She’s clawed her way tooth and nail up to earn the respect of both the school faculty and her fellow classmates; she’s strong-willed, dependable, and always looks at things through a logical lens. When she sees her classmates dying, she takes it upon herself to try and stop this once and for all. With dark skin, deep brown eyes, long braided hair, and standing at 5’8” her confidence and sense of self always make sure she stands out from the crowd. Alessia is bisexual.

Georgiy Kuzmin: Twin brother to Anastasiya Kuzmin; he is, in the kindest way possible, not the brightest bulb in the box. Yet he always means well and is more than willing to offer a helping hand. As the co-captain of the basketball team, captain of the baseball team, and the star of the swim team, Georgiy is one of the most popular and well beloved students at Trentworth High. When he realizes his friends are in danger, he willingly throws himself into the investigation to do all he can to help. With fair skin, dirty blond hair, bubbly green eyes, and standing at 6’1” he cuts an approachable figure to anyone who knows him. Georgiy is gay.

Anastasiya Kuzmin: Twin sister to Georgiy Kuzmin: she and her brother are alike in so many ways apart from just appearance. Anastasiya, who goes by Ana more often than not, is head of the Co-Ed Varsity Basketball team, the Girls’ softball team, and the Tennis team. Just as popular and loved as her brother, Ana may not be the smartest but she makes up for it with passion and dedication. Like her brother, she has fairer skin, dirty blond hair, and bright green eyes. Also like her brother, she felt she couldn’t just sit around while her friends were put in danger and agreed to join the investigation. Ana is gay and demiromantic, meaning she only gains feelings for someone after having a strong relationship with them.

Lillian Triano: A quiet, withdrawn girl who mainly keeps to herself. Due to the fact that Trentworth High demands for every senior to be apart of an elective, she is mainly seen in afterschool reading club run by Ms. Habeeb. She’s MC’s closest friend, having been one of the only people who didn’t believe the rumors that MC’s parents were assisting Robert Hall in his murders. She has an olive complexion, brown eyes, a heavy dose of freckles, and stands at 5’1”. Lillian is gay.

Jasmine Abernathy: Jasmine is Trentworth High’s self proclaimed “Best news source!” After the school newspaper was disbanded, Jasmine took it upon herself to keep freedom of the press alive. She’s fierce in her pursuit of the truth and never one to back down from a fight, though her rash attitude can get her into some sticky situations on occasion. With vibrant red hair, dark brown eyes, and standing at 5��3” she puts the term “fire” in Fire Signs. (She’s an Aries in astrology!) When the copycat killings began, it was no surprise when she took the case head on. Jasmine is bisexual.

Asa San Nicholas: Asa is the oldest of a set of triplets; they’re the type to march to the beat of their own drum, often not listening to what anyone has to say about themselves or their interests. Asa is a firm believer in the paranormal and it isn’t uncommon to find them indulging in their interest in various ways. “The spirits are distrubed. These deaths aren’t meant to happen.” Asa’s reason for getting involved seems to tie directly back to their “connection” with the spirits of the town. Asa has black hair, most often tied in a ponytail, hazel eyes, and an olive skin tone. At 6’4” they tower over most everyone...something they seem to enjoy a great deal. Asa doesn’t see gender and is interested in people regardless of how they present.

Leo San Nicholas: The middle of the triplets. They are genderfluid, okay with any pronouns. Leo is, for lack of a better word, eccentric. A bit of an adrenaline junkie, you can often find them cliff diving or giving their siblings heart attacks by playing russian roulette with a chocolate gun. To them, it isn’t fun if there isn’t a little danger involved; naturally, an investigation into a serial killer scratches that itch quite nicely. Their black hair is clipped short, multiple piercings visible on each ear, and their heterochromatic hazel and green eyes are often stated to stare through a person. Although Leo is genderfluid, they are only interested in people who present as female.

The demo is upcoming! When it is available I will make a post announcing it! I will also update this post with the link! This game is written in choicescript; the demo will be published on Dashingdon and the final game will be published for free on itch.io. I am open for questions regarding this game/novel and once the demo is published I will also be publishing a link to my Ko-fi! Until then, please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions!

[whereisten]

Stupid Cupid

A Taeyong fic that’s a part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: Cupid, also known as Taeyong, has never experienced real love. But when he meets you, he may finally have a chance.

Pairing: Cupid! Taeyong x female reader

Genre: romance, angst, fluff, smut, fantasy

Word Count: 13k

Warnings: oral (male receiving), penetration, breast fondling, cursing, alcohol use

(A/N: thank you guys so much for being so sweet and understanding and patient. I’ve always believed Halloween should be a celebration for multiple months out of the year and since the Halloween series is ongoing, it works 💀. Anyways, I’m so excited to share this with y’all. ❤️ One of my favorite songs is “Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran. And the music video features Cupid so I was inspired. 👍🏼 I hope you guys enjoy it! I also was inspired by “The Consequences of Cursing Cupid” by @by-moonflower). I loved it!)

...

Cupid was one of God’s most prized pupils. He was also one of His most beautiful creations. His hair had the shades of pink you’d see at sunset and warm brown eyes that could claim the heart of almost anyone. His tan skin glowed, bringing a piece of heaven’s glow down to earth with him. His body was slender, elegant, and muscular. His true appearance was known to few mortals but overtime, historians were able to conclude that Cupid was as beautiful as any of the archangels.

God entrusted his son to bring love and hope to the world one couple at a time. With his bow and arrow, he was able to give people love every day. As the years have passed, though, the population of the world expanded and Cupid only had so much time in the day to bring couples together. God and Cupid carefully handpicked Cupid fledglings throughout the years. Cupid wasn’t alone in his work anymore and he could afford some downtime every few centuries. It was 2020 and it was time for Cupid, or, as he was known by his earthly name, Lee Taeyong, to take a vacation.

Taeyong arrived in the sunny coastal town of Isla one Sunday morning. He would stay here for a few months. Taeyong would’ve kept working if he hadn't been forced by his coworkers to take a leave of absence. He’d always been a huge workaholic and quite the perfectionist. He was the type of guy who liked to get things done by himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his team. He just had a fixation with doing things his own way, which caused many clashes over the years.

This time, God had to intervene and force Taeyong to step down so that newly realized Cupids like Haechan and Yangyang could step up in his absence. Taeyong moved into a beach house right by the beach. A whole mansion to himself, he grimaced. What the hell was he supposed to do in such an expansive and luxurious place all by himself? Well, he had some ideas.

As much of a workaholic Taeyong was....when he let loose, he really let loose. It was like there was an on/off switch in his brain when it came to his rebellion and since he was out of work for the foreseeable future, it was time to turn the switch on. All work and no play for so many years made him act out in rebellion, which was why God sent Cupids Sicheng and Kun to watch out for Taeyong this time around.

Taeyong heard a knock on the door of his beach house. He frowned in confusion.  

“Knock knock,” Kun said as he brought in suitcases and carried a backpack over his shoulder. Sicheng followed him in with his own bags as well.

Taeyong frowned. “What are you guys doing here?”

Sicheng beamed. “We’re here to make sure you don’t start up another orgy and anger many significant others…”

Kun nodded. “You’ll barely know we’re here.”

Taeyong brought out his angelic smile. “Is that so?”

…

Even with Kun and Sicheng on his tail, Taeyong was able to throw a massive party at the beach house the next night. A pretty face like Taeyong’s and a few likes on Instagram could attract many followers. And with followers, there was a great party. Celebrities even caught wind of the festivities. Taeyong was able to hire caterers and event planners to make the beach house a Hawaiian paradise. Tiki torches were lit all around the house. People lounged in the lagoon-shaped pool. There were party games in every room in the mansion.

Your friends convinced you to come with them to the hot new bachelor’s party. You could use a night out after working another six day work week at the local Isla Humane Animal Shelter. You wanted to let loose and dance with your friends. If only for a little while. Hopefully, you didn’t think about him now that you were able to relax.

Taeyong was having the time of his immortal life, dancing with one girl...one boy...after another. He was already hooking up with people on the dance floor in the backyard that overlooked the beach. He would grind behind one girl while another boy grinded against him from behind. Taeyong was in nothing but red swim trunks. His abs glistened with sweat and-

Your friend Jisoo said, “y/n, ask him to dance.”

You’d spent the last few minutes staring at the dancefloor. You couldn’t help but watch the pretty boy who stood at the center. You quickly gulped down your drink and shook your head. “Pass.”

Jisoo sucked her teeth. “Y/n, you’ve been staring at him for five minutes now.”

You rolled your eyes. “I like to observe my surroundings...It’s nothing.”

“You should ask the pretty boy to dance. It won’t hurt.”

“Nope. I’m fine right here, drinking my free pina colada...Not a care in the world.”

Jisoo replied, “Y/n, it’s been five months...”

You met Jisoo’s eyes. “Yeah, and I’m doing a lot better. You know this. My family knows it. All of the people who should be sorry to follow me on any social media know this.”

Jaehyun joined you two. “She's talking about how she’s over...him?”

Jisoo nodded. “And she clearly wants to dance with The Bachelor over there.”

Jaehyun watched him, also. “Well, for starters, he’s way cuter than that bastard but she should stay away from him. He’s trouble.”

Jisoo scoffed. “Who are you? Her father?”

Relieved that Jaehyun was on your side, you said, “Thank you, Jay! Now don’t worry about me, Jisoo...I’m great! I’m out of the house. I’m cutting a rug.”

Jisoo eyed you. “Okay…”

Now you had to admit that you thought about throwing caution to the wind and dancing close to the man, making ‘come hither’ eyes at him, kissing him in a closet, and calling it a night. The idea made you wet just thinking about it. But you knew yourself. You were the type to fall hard. And you fell hard once and it left you broken to this day.

Anyway, Pretty Boy seemed kind of busy so you turned the other way to join a game of poker in the living room.

Every human that spent an intimate moment with dear old Cupid was guaranteed the best orgasm of their lives. In Taeyong’s hands, his lover would feel treasured and adored and spoiled. Taeyong, a bringer of love, could bring paradise to anyone.

Now in his human form, Taeyong still had some of those divine powers. However, in a human body, he had limitations.

Like his alcohol tolerance, which, unfortunately for him, had never been good.

Before he could take anyone to paradise like he’d longed to do since he came to the Earthly plane, he was outside in his front lawn, vomiting all of the alcohol he downed in the past two hours.

Taeyong felt woozy. He wasn’t all there the moment when you first approached him. He looked awful. Pale and sweaty from puking so much.

Your concern outweighed your fear of talking to him so you approached him. You handed him a bottle of room temperature water and a wet towel from his kitchen so he could clean himself up.

Taeyong uncapped the water bottle and drank. He managed to say, “Thank you.”

You sighed, relieved to see that he was responsive. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am...Thanks…What’s your-”

“Y/n! Time to go,” Jaehyun started. Jaehyun promised to take you home. You were supposed to go into the shelter tomorrow to finalize an adoption.

You shouted back, “Coming!” You turned to your friend. Taeyong couldn’t see your face now. You did smell heavenly, though. Like fresh berries and daisies.

You turned back to Taeyong and smiled. Even if he was a wreck, he was still the most gorgeous male you’d ever seen. “Great party. Take care of yourself.”

Taeyong was still trying to sober up but he was able to meet your eyes, the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen on this planet. In any realm, actually. “You, too…”

You left him there, curious about you. Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to ponder further as he threw up again. Maybe these parties were getting old. He always found himself like this whenever he visited good ol’ planet Earth...

…

[One Month Later]

Taeyong continued to indulge in his debauchery, throwing parties every night. Part of him hoped you would return so he could properly thank you for your kindness.

Your eyes were sultry and your scent was intoxicating. He wished he could remember you.

Every night that he spent time with a different partner, he thought of you.

Without any hidden agenda to get in bed with him, you absolutely fascinated him. His clouded judgment that night only made him remember your eyes. That was all he had to go on. He couldn’t explain the need to see you again.

The need grew stronger and stronger.

He certainly couldn’t ask his coworkers or the big man upstairs for help. Surely, they’d misinterpret his actions. He simply wanted to see you again.

In the process, Taeyong slowly began to reevaluate his time on Earth. Like Gatsby before him, he threw even more parties in hopes of you showing up. But he had no idea about your hectic work schedule. The parties continued and Taeyong quickly grew bored. Maybe he needed to get out and explore the city if he ever hoped to see you again.

In the daytime, Taeyong found himself waking up earlier and sending his partners on their merry way. He took up a couple of hobbies at home, as well. Baking and playing games on his Nintendo Switch. For his outings, he’d go to the mall, the grocery store, the amusement park, and more. Everywhere he could think of. But you weren’t there. He had the ability to feel your presence but you were never within his radar and it frustrated him.

Taeyong finished swimming a couple of laps in the pool and went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Kun was making dinner and Sicheng was setting the table.

“Penny for your thoughts, boss?” Sicheng inquired.

Taeyong sighed. “I’m just wondering when you two will finally leave me be.”

Kun turned off the stove and let the stir fry cool. “When your sexual appetite ceases.”

Taeyong frowned. “Have you no shame to comment on my activities?”

Sicheng and Kun looked at each other and looked back at Taeyong. “No.”

Taeyong sighed. “If you must know, the parties will cease tonight. I have given up.”

“Given up on what?” Sicheng asked.

They couldn’t know about Taeyong’s true motive with his parties. “Parties, of course.”

“Really?” Kun asked as he washed his hands.

Taeyong sighed. “Yes. Now let’s eat.”

A few hours later, Taeyong went to the beach to get some sun. A few girls asked for his number and he simply pretended not to know English. He spoke Japanese and spoke broken English to throw them off. He was in no mood to frolick. He was frustrated.

It was because of you. He couldn’t explain it but he desperately wanted to see you. Wanted to know you. Wanted to feel you come alive under him as he pleased you. And he had no leads.

Maybe he should just throw in the towel. It was dangerous for him to entertain the idea of seeing someone as more than just a fling. Knowing his one night stand’s name was more information than he needed.

Perhaps you weren’t real. Oh, heavens. He knew you were real but maybe he should convince himself of the contrary so he could give up on you.

Meanwhile, you’d been busy non-stop. You couldn’t go out and unwind because of your extremely-packed schedule, which was just how you liked it. Whatever free time you had was spent at home curled up in bed before bedtime. It was how you preferred it, though. It helped you get over your ex much more quickly. Or so you thought, anyway.

One of your co-workers at the shelter was an adoption counselor who had a family event she needed to attend. So she asked you for a favor. You came in for the afternoon shift to help pair up families with pets.

You loved working at the shelter, helping animals find their forever homes. It broke your heart to see so many of them, neglected and homeless. You always knew you wanted to work with animals, though. In high school, you started at the shelter as a volunteer. Now, you were one of the managers. You helped with fundraisers and outreach events to get the shelter animals’ faces out there.

You went to check on the dogs, cats, rabbits, ferrets, and other residents of the shelter, like you always did. Then, you finished adopting out an Australian Shepherd. His new family already adored him. The shelter’s adoption process was strict so if a family really wanted to commit to a pet, they had to commit to the process to prove it. So you had high hopes that this adoption would be permanent.

On the off chance it wouldn’t, these animals always had a home here. You wouldn’t cease until you did everything you could to get a home for each animal that walked through the shelter’s front doors.

You took a picture of the happy family to post on the shelter’s social media. You sent them off. You felt like you were being watched so you turned to the front window where you recognized Jaehyun and the pink-haired man from the Hawaiian paradise party. They were talking like they knew each other.

You frowned and walked outside to greet them. “Jaehyun?”

The men faced you. Jaehyun beamed, “Y/n! I was passing through and I ran into Taeyong here who is looking to volunteer at the shelter.” Taeyong was about to cut in when Jaehyun continued. “Is there a volunteer orientation today?”

You shook your head. “It’s tomorrow, Jay.”

Taeyong just looked at you, not saying a word.

You tilted your head in confusion. “But...If you’re free, Taeyong, we’d love to have you.”

Jaehyun answered for him. “Of course he is. There’s no other place he’d rather be!”

Taeyong shot Jaehyun a look but his face softened as he looked at you. “Yeah...He’s right about that.”

Still confused, you smiled. “Okay, tomorrow it is.”

Taeyong headed home after his confrontation with the meddlesome Jaehyun. Just who was he to you, he wondered. How dare he cross a god?

Sure, Jaehyun was a beautiful specimen but he was not at his level, Taeyong thought to himself.

[A Few Hours Ago]

After his time at the beach, Taeyong took another stroll through the town, exploring small businesses and stumbling upon an animal shelter.

Through the front window, he saw a family with their Australian Shepherd. And that’s when his radar switched on. His heart squeezed and his breathing faltered. You were here. You greeted the family inside. They posed for a family photo together with their dog. They held a sign that read “Furrever Home” on it. The family thanked you and you sent them off.

You were exquisite. Your smile. The glimmer of hope in your eyes. Your laugh. You were out of breath from running around so much and from the excitement, he could tell. Even though you were stressed and tired, you were happy at that moment. You turned toward his direction and he read your name on your name tag: y/n.

Taeyong wanted to rush in and call for your name but his feet were planted to the ground.

“Hey, I remember you,” someone called out to him.

Taeyong snapped out of his daze and turned to find a handsome young man with black hair frowning at him. Taeyong started. “I’m sorry. I don’t-“

“You’re Taeyong. You throw parties at that beach house and you’re the city’s most eligible bachelor. It’s all over social media.”

“Yes, and?”

The stranger glared as he nodded at you through the window. “You’ve been watching her, haven't you?”

Taeyong smirked. “And what about it?”

The man looked down at Taeyong’s pants where his member betrayed him. Jaehyun lifted his eyebrows.

Taeyong shrugged. “It’s rude to stare at a stranger’s crotch.”

He laughed. “You’re pretty easy to read, Taeyong. But I gotta warn you: don’t waste her time if you’re not fully committed.”

Taeyong laughed. “And who are you to tell me this?”

“Someone who refuses to see his friend’s heart broken again.”

Again, Taeyong wondered. “Well, I have no plans to let it get that far.”

He rolled his eyes. “Right.”

“Jaehyun?” You started.

Then, the conniving Jaehyun set Taeyong up to be a volunteer at the animal shelter without his consent. Well, Taeyong could’ve said no at any time but he didn’t want to disappoint you. Besides, this would be an opportunity to get to know you. Jaehyun may not be so bad, after all, Taeyong mused.

Jaehyun left Taeyong with these parting words. He grinned, showing his dimples. “If you hurt her, I will run you out of this town.”

Taeyong smiled. “I’d like to see you try.”

To anyone else, it would’ve seemed like two friends were parting ways but in reality, it was more like a declaration of war.

Your friend Jaehyun was very protective of you, Taeyong realized. He wondered if Jaehyun was enamored with you. And your nickname of “Jay” for him made Taeyong’s stomach turn.

Who was he to you? And why was he butting in on Taeyong’s pursuit of you? And what did Jaehyun mean by you getting your heart broken again? Who broke your heart? And why was he still breathing, unless Jaehyun failed to mention your ex’s funeral?

Taeyong wasn’t going to break your heart. He wasn’t that stupid. He spent enough time on this planet to set boundaries and never fall in too deep with a human.

It didn’t matter if you made him feel different than any other human has after twenty seconds of an interaction.

…

[The Next Day]

Taeyong wasn’t sure how he would feel about working with animals because he’s never interacted with them before. He envied any family who had a pet, though.

It was a kind of love he didn’t get to see frequently. His job was primarily focused on romantic love so it always fascinated him to see familial love, love between friends, and now love between man and man’s best friend.

You led the volunteer orientation. It was a relatively full house. You gave the new recruits the rundown on maintenance, walking the dogs, socializing with the animals, feeding, laundry, and safety. Taeyong was so impressed by how skilled and informative you were at work. You were a no-nonsense girl when you needed to be.

When the orientation ended, Taeyong lingered behind in the staff meeting room. You had to admit that seeing Taeyong again made your heart do weird things. You’d dreamed of him for a few nights and part of you wished you could’ve gone to another one of his parties. Your friends told you he’d thrown so many this past month that they lost count. So you were shocked to see this wealthy party boy at an animal shelter of all places. You did notice as you gave your talk that his eyes never strayed from yours.

After the orientation, you began, “Hey, Taeyong. How did you like the orientation?”

He smiled. “You were brilliant.”

Your face heated up. “Thanks.”

He asked, “I was wondering if you were free tonight to-“

A volunteer popped in. “Y/n, code leash with Ruby!” Code leash meant a dog was loose in the shelter without a leash on.

You started. “Oh, God. Sorry, Taeyong, I have to help catch one of our dogs.”

You looked distressed so Taeyong decided to help. He didn’t know where this altruism came from but it was there. “I can help.”

“Thank you. I have to warn you, though. She’s not friendly with most people. So be careful.”

You and Taeyong teamed up to catch Ruby while some of the other volunteers also teamed up elsewhere. Ruby had hidden under one of the benches near the cat corner of the shelter.

Ruby was a Papillon, also known as a Continental Toy Spaniel. She was a reserved dog. She was adopted as a puppy but when she was a year old, her owners gave her up for adoption when they were expecting a baby. With the betrayal she’d experienced, she closed herself off from most people and most animals. It took a few weeks for her to warm up to you.

Ruby had cute ears that resembled a butterfly’s, which explained the name of her breed, the Papillon.

With her leash in your hands, you crouched down to greet her. “Hi, Ruby…”

She surprised you by running over to Taeyong, who froze in his tracks. Ruby jumped against his legs and cried. She wanted his attention.

You looked at them in shock. Ruby had never taken so quickly to someone before. You were impressed.

Taeyong’s eyes doubled in size as he slowly backed up. Ruby continued to jump against his legs, regardless. “What’s happening? Is she trying to kill me?”

You fought back a laugh. “No...She wants you to hold her.”

He looked mystified. “Uh...I’ve never…”

“You’ve never…?”

For the first time, he looked shy. “I’ve never held a dog before…”

You approached them and called Ruby again. “Ruby, I’ll help you.”

You picked Ruby up and guided Taeyong. “Just raise your arms and cradle her. It’s okay.”

You handed Ruby to Taeyong and he was shocked at this new feeling he felt in his chest. It was this overwhelming joy and worry and affection he’d never felt. He would die for this dog.

Well, if he could die, he would.

So this is what familial love must be like.

Ruby licked him all over his face and he giggled like a little boy.

You were overjoyed to see Ruby with another person. This was promising. “She really likes you. It took me weeks to get her to warm up to me.”

Taeyong stared at you. “Really? I can’t imagine that…”

“You saved the day, Taeyong. Not bad for your first day as a volunteer.” You laughed.

You led him and Ruby back into her room. You stepped into her small room where she resided alone. She had a big fluffy bed and toys to play with. Even so, it could definitely get cramped in there after a few hours. You would take her for a walk later.

Taeyong asked, concerned. “She lives by herself? She must be so lonely.”

You told Taeyong her story and he understood her circumstances. He was furious at Ruby’s previous owners and he finally understood why places like this shelter existed.

You said, “She needs someone who will remain faithful to her all of their life. I hope she finds them soon.”

Taeyong rubbed Ruby’s belly. “So do I.”

“I have to get back to work. You’re not on the schedule until tomorrow but you are more than welcome to spend some time with the dogs…”

Taeyong was in his own bubble with Ruby.

You giggled. “Or maybe just Ruby.”

You left them be and got back to work.

Taeyong spent the next hour playing with Ruby, taking her for a walk, taking pictures of her, and cradling her to sleep. He hoped to catch up with you later but he couldn’t let go of his attachment to this dog now.

There was something about this town that made him attached to others. First, it was you. Then, it was Ruby.

It was unusual.

Ruby fell asleep and Taeyong checked his phone. He received a text over half an hour ago.

Where are you? Kun says you’re not home :( -Yooa

Crap, he’d forgotten all about Yooa. His “date”.

Taeyong realized he’d be getting earful from Kun later. He texted Yooa he was on his way.

…

[2 Weeks Later]

The first few days were rough for Taeyong because he’d never done manual labor in his life. He was willing to try and with your and other volunteers’ guidance, he was able to pick up on everything quickly. Everyone thought Taeyong was as strange as he was beautiful. They thought he was a sheltered rich boy who was learning how to care for someone else for the first time. Well, they weren’t far off from the truth.

Taeyong volunteered almost everyday at the shelter. He did everything he could possibly do as a volunteer and still had the energy to take the dogs on more walks than required. He was a god, after all. His energy on Earth was higher than that of any normal human’s. He hoped to impress you, too. He tried to ask you out or even for your phone number but you were always busy with shelter tasks. It was very hard to tell if there was a connection between you two.

At the end of each shift, Taeyong always left Ruby for last because she was his favorite shelter animal. “Alright Ruby, today is the day I finally ask y/n out.”

Ruby snoozed in response. Taeyong sighed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

You were the last person to leave the shelter and lock up. Everyone had already left an hour ago but you were finishing up some emails. You found Taeyong waiting outside the door. “Taeyong!”

He waved and smiled, not looking disheveled at all after a full-day shift.

You, on the other hand, could use a shower. “Everything okay?”

Taeyong asked, “Are you free?”

“Uh...”

“I was wondering if you…”

Your eyes as you watched him left Taeyong in nearly almost a trance. The way your hair fell over your eyes when you adjusted your work bag. The breeze caused your perfume to creep into his nose and he had to catch his breath. Even your little yawn after a long day was cute. Damn it.

You started, “Taeyong?”

Taeyong tried to say something but his throat went dry. Why wasn’t he able to say words? He was prepared to say. Come away with me tonight. I’ll take us to dinner and then...Well, it’s your call, y/n.

And here he was, his palms sweaty. His cheeks were red. He was so close to trembling from the new anxiety that crept up on him.

You asked, “Are you okay?”

Taeyong shook his head to shove his fears away. “Are you free?”

He invited you over to his house for dinner as a thank you for showing him the ropes around the shelter. You felt bad for assuming that he was asking you out. It appeared that he wanted to keep this platonic and you were relieved.

You’re a chicken, Taeyong thought to himself. The ball was in his court and he missed his shot to take things further with you. Even so, you’d said yes so all in all, you two were headed somewhere.

You followed Taeyong in your car over to his place. You entered the extravagant beach house, which was surprisingly neat and homey. The furniture looked comfortable, like you could easily fall asleep on it. The lighting was at a low, almost romantic setting. The house was tranquil and all you could hear was the crash of waves in the distance.

Taeyong said, “Please take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Can I offer you some wine?”

“Yes, please. Thank you.”

Taeyong smiled warmly at you before he departed for the kitchen.

Another young man appeared as he came down the stairs, calling out. “Sicheng and I will be back in a few days. Our Lord needs us in Beijing for an emergency match-up.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and merely stared at you. “Seriously, another ‘appointment’?”

Taeyong darted out of the kitchen. “Kun.”

You got up and waved. “Uh, hi. I’m Taeyong’s friend, y/n. From the animal shelter?”

Sicheng joined the group. “Friend?”

Kun’s eyebrows furrowed. “You’re just friends with him?”

You looked at everyone around the living room. “Yes…”

Although you had to wonder what Kun meant by “appointment”. If you had to guess, you weren’t the first girl Taeyong brought home. This week.

You knew Taeyong was a player from the first night you met him. But you were attracted to him so the possibility of a one night stand with him didn’t repel you. You weren’t about to ask for it, though. You were already going out of your comfort zone, coming over to his house for dinner.

And then...Taeyong’s personality surprised you these past few weeks. He was warm and hard-working and kind. You had to admit you had a little crush on him. You wouldn’t let that truth see the light of day, though. A player was a player, no matter what.

Sicheng smiled as he greeted you, “Y/n, welcome to our home. I’m Sicheng. Our rude friend right here is Kun. We are Taeyong’s coworkers and roommates.”

“It’s nice to meet you. What is it that you guys do? You mentioned a match-up?”

Taeyong eyed his friends. “They...”

Kun continued, “We...are dating gurus!”

You replied, “I see. So you’re headed to Beijing? That’s exciting!”

The boys told you they worked for a dating website for high-profile people and traveled to countries like China and South Korea to counsel them on dating. It was unheard of and unusual. At least for you, anyway. But it was kind of fascinating. Kun and Sicheng told you that Taeyong had been working nonstop for years now as a dating guru so now he was taking some time off. They excused themselves and headed off to the airport.

You accompanied Taeyong to the kitchen as he cooked some New York strips for the two of you. He refused your help and wanted you to sit down and relax. “I didn’t know you were a dating guru.”

He chuckled nervously. “I don’t really like to talk about it.”

“Oh, well, we don’t have to…We could always talk about something else. Like where you’re from?”

Taeyong chopped some vegetables as he mulled over his answer, avoiding your eyes. How was he going to say he came from Heaven? First of all, it would be ludicrous to you. And second, it sounded like a pickup line that would only stroke his ego. There was no way to win by telling the truth. “Abroad.”

You sipped your glass of wine. He was so vague. “Abroad? Where?”

“My Lor-...father traveled all the time when I was growing up so we always moved. And once I got to work with the dating website, the traveling continued.” Nice save, he thought to himself.

“Oh? Wow, that’s sad, isn’t it?”

Taeyong looked at you. “Sad?”

“I mean, maybe it wasn’t...What I meant was that it must have been difficult getting uprooted all the time. Having to get accustomed to a new place...Only to have to start over somewhere else.”

You had no idea, Taeyong thought. You read him like a book so he had to ask. “How did you know?”

You understood his situation very well. “My dad is a lieutenant general. We’ve moved around a lot until I was eighteen. Come to think of it...Are your parents in the military?”

Taeyong knew he had to come up with something. Quick, he told himself, think of something believable. The first thought that came into his mind was Jurassic Park after he watched it last night. “No...He’s a...paleontologist.”

That was an uncommon job but you were impressed. After all, Jurassic Park was one of your favorite movies. You asked him about the places his dad took him, what dinosaur bones his dad uncovered, and more. Taeyong had to get creative and being dumb about the subject didn’t hinder his case. He claimed that remembering the names of species was impossible for him. You were riveted, regardless. You spent most of the time talking about Jurassic Park, anyway. You told him about Universal Studios’ Islands of Adventure and a Jurassic Park feature located at the park. You suggested you two could go together sometime and Taeyong’s eyes lit up, then. His doe eyes caught you off-guard.

You continued talking about your interests and your pasts. Well, you did. Taeyong had to get a little creative when topics such as his “childhood” and “family” came into conversation. But other than that, he enjoyed having you in his home. You were full of warmth and generosity. You laughed at his jokes and asked him about how he was doing. It left him speechless. He wasn’t sure what you were really thinking or if you were even interested. You were equally unsure and found yourself considering what you’d been fighting since the moment you first laid eyes on him.

Taeyong served dinner. His cooking was incredible. The steak and baked potato were paradise on your taste buds. “Taeyong, oh my God, this is incredible. You should be a five-star chef and open a restaurant.”

Taeyong chuckled. “Thank you, y/n but I’m more of a pastry chef than anything else.”

“What’s your price for a batch of chocolate cupcakes?” You teased.

He smiled. “Free of charge.”

“But?”

“Well, if you were free to watch Jurassic Park 2 with me this week, then I would consider it.”

“I’ll take it.”

Taeyong was excited that you two would see each other outside of work again. Taeyong served you cookie dough ice cream with fudge.

You ate your ice cream. “Thank you so much for inviting me over. I haven’t been able to hang out with friends in a while so this means a lot.”

Friends. Taeyong was a little hurt at your label of him. He thought there was something between you. Maybe this wasn’t the right time to make a move so he forced a smile. “I’m glad we’re friends, too.”

…

[2 months later]

Taeyong continued to volunteer at the shelter. His ego took a nice, deserving blow after you told him you were just friends. He was still happy that he got to spend time with you. You became so close that you spent most of your time with him outside of work. You played video games and watched movies. You also fostered some animals together on the weekends.

Taeyong hadn’t thrown a party or gone to one since he started spending time with you. His phone started lighting up a lot less as the weeks passed. The truth was Taeyong had stopped hooking up with anyone else. He was focused on you. Getting to know you.  

You even told him about your ex Jaemin. You and Jaemin were going strong for 11 months. The biggest player at your university, Jaemin worked hard to get you to say yes to dating him. The romance started off beautifully and ended abruptly when Jaemin said he didn’t want to be unfair to you. The day after the breakup you saw him out with another girl like it was nothing. And a month later, they were engaged to be married. Now, they were married and expecting a child together. It seemed that he genuinely loved his wife. The way he looked at her with such affection the day after he broke up with you. It broke you because that was how you used to look at him. You thought he was the one and up to a certain point, he told you you were the one for him. You wondered how he moved on so quickly to this day.

Since then, you didn’t want to date anyone, much less a playboy. Hook-ups were something you would’ve considered but you were still hurting. Taeyong had been the first boy you looked at in five months but you still weren’t ready. However, now that you two were getting to know each other...Maybe, just maybe…

Taeyong wanted to track down Jaemin and destroy him, break up his family, and kill him. Well, maybe not to that extreme. But he wanted to avenge you for how Jaemin could’ve been so swift in hurting you and moving on like nothing. He had to wonder…

If maybe one of his coworkers had something to do with it. He’d never had a hand in pairing up a Na Jaemin with anyone. If that were the case, he would’ve never forgiven himself for pursuing you.

He finally understood that you were guarding your heart and he didn’t want to push you. He would wait for as long as it takes to…Well, he wasn’t sure...Kiss you? Take you out on a date? He wasn’t sure how romance or courting worked.

It took some convincing but Taeyong finally decided to foster Ruby for the week. He didn’t refuse before because he didn’t want Ruby. He was scared of being ill-prepared for taking care of her or that his house had some hazards for the little dog.

You drove Taeyong and Ruby back to his house. The three of you stood outside his front door. He had Ruby on a leash.

Taeyong started. “Are you sure, y/n? What if Ruby falls in the pool when I go take a shower? What if she chews at my phone charger and gets electrocuted?”

You laughed. “Taeyong, how is she going to get in the backyard? Are her paws going to magically turn into hands so that she can turn the doorknob to the back door?”

“No…”

“So long as you keep her active and give her toys and activities, she will have no reason to chew at your charger or go on an online shopping spree while you’re asleep.”

Taeyong frowned, knowing that you were mocking him now. “Fine. But if anything happens, I’m taking you down with me.”

Your eyes danced. “Fine with me.”

You three went to the beach and Ruby was having fun playing on the shoreline. Taeyong giggled like a little boy as he played fetch with her. You watched them and smiled. It was beyond you why Taeyong wouldn’t adopt Ruby. They clearly loved each other very much. Maybe today you could finally convince him.

You returned to the beach house as you ate ice cream cones from the boardwalk ice cream shop. Ruby ran back inside to drink from her water bowl. You and Taeyong lingered on the outside deck by the pool and watched the sunset. Taeyong’s chocolate ice cream cone was melting at the sides and you regretted not buying chocolate so without thinking, you licked his melting ice cream. Taeyong was caught by surprise and you looked up at him before getting back to your ice cream cone.

The innocent but teasing glint in your eye made him shocked and aroused. He paid a little too much attention to your tongue. As quickly as it appeared, it disappeared. And he longed for it to worship his body.

You winked. “Sorry. You’re a slow eater and it was melting…” You handed him your vanilla ice cream cone. “You can have some of mine.”

He snapped out of it and licked the cone as suggestively as he could to try and get a reaction out of you. And that he did. His big brown eyes had a mischievous glint to them. He smirked. You avoided his eyes completely. “Y/n.”

You bent down and pretended to tie your shoe and realized you weren’t wearing sneakers but sandals. You got back up, embarrassed and still looking away from him. “Yeah?”

“I like you.”

You looked back up at him. “Taeyong-”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just wanted to say it. At least once.” He liked you for a long time now. The more time he spent with you and went out of his way to be with you every moment he could made him realize that maybe what he longed for with you wasn’t simply one night of pleasure.

He wanted more. He didn’t know exactly what that meant. But he just liked to be with you. Your kindness, your wit, your sense of humor, everything about you made Taeyong feel that heaven could be found in another person.

He didn’t want to push you, not at all. He did wonder about what things would be like if you gave into each other. But he would still wait for as long as it took for you to consider him.

You admitted, “Taeyong, I like you, too.”

He sighed in relief. “Oh, thank heavens. Let’s go out on Friday.” Hundreds of plans were running through his mind of how he wanted to spoil you for your first date. He’d been doing research on where he could take you in the city and debated whether or not a road trip to Universal Studios would be too much.

You smiled in spite of yourself. “That’s so sweet…”

“But?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready...Or if I can trust you...You’re very…experienced.”

Taeyong looked at you in confusion as he finished his ice cream cone. “What do you mean? I’ve never dated.”

“I mean...Sexually…” You muttered the last word. Your face was hot and Taeyong only looked at you like you’d said the sky was blue.

“Taeyong, before we met, you were partying every night and sleeping with multiple people. Are you going to tell me that you’re not that person anymore? Because you know what happened with Jaemin...I don’t want that again. If we are going to take this any further, you have to be honest with me. When you want to end it, show me your heart. Don’t leave me wondering what I did wrong...” He could see your eyes get bigger and redder. They were welling up. Your voice broke and it broke him to hear it.

He hated seeing you unhappy. You didn’t deserve to be burned the way you had. He wrapped his arms around you, then. For the first time. “I would never do that to you. I would never-”

You hugged him back. “Please don’t make promises you can’t keep. Let’s just take this slow...Okay?”

He never felt as close and vulnerable with someone. Then you came along and he was ready to do what he could to be with you. To at least try. “Okay.”

He caressed your face and pulled you in for a kiss. He lifted you off the ground and sat you on a ledge as he leaned down to kiss you deeper. His tongue intertwined with yours. You both tasted like ice cream and it made you both crazy with longing. You were the first to stop the kiss and reminded him, “Slow.”

He kissed your forehead. “Slow.”

…

[4 Months Later]

You and Taeyong took your new relationship slow. It drove you both crazy that you put off sleeping together for so long. You wanted to get to know Taeyong better. So did he. Even if this was the longest dry spell Taeyong had undergone, it was worth it.

“What’s got you so happy, boss?” Sicheng asked, visiting from New York. Sicheng and Kun moved out months ago when they saw that Taeyong wasn’t causing any trouble. Sicheng held Ruby in his lap. Taeyong adopted Ruby not too long after you two agreed to date.

Taeyong was worried, though. Just how far could he take things with you before he was summoned back by God? It could be five years or fifty years before He called him back to Heaven. Taeyong had to tell someone what was eating at him and Sicheng was one of his closest friends. “I need to tell you something.”

After Taeyong told Sicheng about you and what transpired all this time, Sicheng sighed, “Taeyong, this is trouble. We are not supposed to get involved with humans.”

“Sex is okay but dating and marriage are out of the question? How does that make sense?”

Sicheng frowned, reminding Taeyong of Kun at that moment. “Sex was never okay. In moderation and with zero strings attached? Sure...But you’ve crossed several lines...You’re playing with fire by pursuing y/n.”

Taeyong sighed in frustration. “I know but Sicheng, I’m falling…”

Sicheng watched Taeyong that night and witnessed how he changed after he met you. He put a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder. “I know. You’ve fallen since that first night. Five seconds.”

It took Taeyong five seconds to fall in love with you.

Taeyong continued, “I want to make this work. Let our Lord find out from me.”

“But-” Sicheng started.

“I appreciate you for not ratting me out to our Father, Sicheng. You’re a good friend.”

Later that night, Taeyong picked you up from your apartment and wanted to surprise you. He blindfolded you as you sat in the passenger seat of his car. Taeyong whispered into your ear. “Can you hear me?”

You laughed and bit your lip. “Taeyong, it’s a blindfold. Not ear plugs. Why are you whispering?”

He whispered even lower and the warmth of his breath made you fidget and press your thighs harder together. “It’s fun. That’s all.”

He could tell you were aroused. He could see your nipples through your black dress and he had to control his cock from making an early appearance. It was a good thing he blindfolded you.

Taeyong drove you two in silence and his giggles made you laugh. You held hands. It didn’t take too long to reach your destination. He escorted you out of the car and removed your blindfold.

“Surprise!”

You were at the Isla Central Marina and you stood before the entrance of a yacht named Cupid’s Bow. The boat was decorated with white Christmas lights.

“Taeyong, what is all this…”

He smiled as he led you onto the boat. “It’s where we’re having dinner tonight.”

You sat down at the table set at the center of the yacht. It was decorated with white daisies. Taeyong chose white daisies because their scent reminded him of you. And for their significance.

He sat you down at your seat and squeezed your shoulders.

You looked around in wonder. The night sky was clear as the full moon shone down on you both. “This is amazing. I can’t believe you did this for me.”

Taeyong sat across from you and smiled brightly. “I want to give you the world, y/n. If you let me, I will.”

Your face felt flushed and you stared down at your lap. “You’re so corny.”

He asked for your hand and you gave it to him. He kissed it and looked at you with what could be described as bedroom eyes. He tried to seduce you a couple of times now because he loved to tease you. You’d tease him back and pretend to consider sleeping with him. Fair’s fair.

But tonight? The teasing would stop.

Someone else cleared their throat. “Welcome to Cupid’s Bow. Thank you for dining with us tonight. I will be your server, Kun.”

You gasped and laughed. “Kun, what are you doing here?”

Dressed as a waiter, Kun said, “Taeyong needed a hand for tonight. And our friend Sicheng will be maneuvering this vessel.”

You turned to Sicheng as he waved from the steering wheel. He was wearing a captain’s outfit. You fought back a laugh. They were a cheesy group of guys.

Kun started you guys off with drinks as the boat departed the marina. You sailed around the bay that connected to the ocean. The bay led into downtown Isla where the city lights shone brightly. It was a beautiful modern-day fairytale.

Taeyong started up a playlist from his Bluetooth speakers and asked you to dance. “Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran played.

Taeyong was a great dancer. He must have been classically trained for years. He spun you in circles and dipped you, pretending he was about to drop you to tease you. He pulled you close and hummed along to the lyrics. You laughed and held him tightly.

The songs continued as you and Taeyong watched the view. He held you from behind. The night was perfect.

“Y/n,” he said into your ear softly.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

You turned back to him and smiled. “I love you, too.” You kissed him.

You liked Taeyong ever since that night you met. But you started falling in love after you saw how he was with Ruby. He carried a lot of love and loyalty in his heart that it left you in awe every time you were with him. There was more to him than the wealthy bachelor persona he emitted. That wasn’t who he was. He was a man who loved fiercely. He was your best friend. And now you wanted him to be your lover.

You sat down together and ate Italian cuisine. Kun was an incredible chef. You and Taeyong share lasagna and chicken Alfredo. It was delicious. For dessert, you two fed each other gelato.

When Cupid’s Bow returned to the dock, you and Taeyong sat in the car, awkward.

Taeyong waited for you to tell him to take you home but it never came. You wanted him to suffer for a few more seconds.

You started. “Thank you for tonight.”

He cleared his throat. “I had the best time.”

“Can I stay the night?” You asked softly.

Taeyong was hearing things. “I’m sorry?”

“Let’s spend the night together.”

Taeyong was about to jump out of the driver’s seat and scream. He played it cool and his face was unreadable as he said, “Okay.”

You giggled. Taeyong was an enigma but you could see the blush creeping onto his cheeks.

You returned to the beach house and darted to the pool. Taeyong ran after you. You removed your dress and turned to him, biting your lip because you knew he loved it.

You were down to your black and red lingerie and Taeyong was so close to salivating. He longed to worship your body. He stood there, unable to move. He watched you slowly descend the steps into the pool and wait for him.

He walked slowly over to you, like a tiger about to pounce on his prey. He wanted you. You could see the desire in his gaze. He unbuttoned his shirt and you could see his abs glisten against the reflection of the pool. He smirked again, knowing it drove you crazy when he did that. He slowly unbuckled his belt and you could see his bulge better as he pulled down his pants.

“Wow,” you said.

“Hmm?”

Taeyong was down to his briefs. He pulled them down and chucked them away. His physique was like that of a statue of a Greek god. He was rock solid. You swam into the deep end, waiting for him to follow you in.

Taeyong got into the pool and dove down. You couldn’t see him now.

You were waiting for him to surprise you but time passed and you wondered if something was wrong.

“Yong?” You started. “Yong!”

He crept up behind you then, pulling your panties down in the process. “Boo.”

You smacked him. “Jerk. I thought you were dying.”

Taeyong chuckled. “I wasn’t down there for that long.”

“You’re kidding, right? I counted. It was at least a minute.”

Maybe he crossed the line with his immortal abilities, then. He sighed. “What can I say? I have incredible lung capacity.”

You rolled your eyes. “Why don’t we put that to the test?” You put your arms around him and kissed him deeply.

Taeyong’s heart skipped a beat. Your soaked body got him harder. You got onto his lap and he kissed your cleavage. His kisses were everything. You had been thinking about your first night with him for a long time now.

Taeyong lowered the strap of your bra and kissed your shoulder, silently asking if he could unclasp your bra. You nodded. He adored your breasts, biting and sucking at them.

You lowered your hand to his pelvic region and felt his large cock. He grunted as you clasped it. You kissed his neck and nipped at his ears.

You both loved teasing each other so now that you were spending the night together, neither of you was going down without a fight.

After a few minutes, Taeyong carried you out of the pool. You looked up at him, admiring his flawless profile. He dried you off and he took your hand and led you upstairs to his shower.

He started up the shower and you looked up at him. He took your face into his hands and gave you a peck on the lips. He smiled.

He started washing you with his body wash. It was Jo Malone Lime Basil & Mandarin. It smelled just like Taeyong and you wished you could smell like this all the time. He carefully navigated your body like you were a fragile vase and kissed you all over. He saved your chest for the end and could feel your heartbeat against his palm. He looked up at you through hooded eyes and you kissed his nose.

You washed him and teased him as you washed around his crotch, lightly tracing it with your fingers. His skin was soft while his body was muscular. He was the most beautiful contradiction in the world.

Taeyong pulled you in for another kiss and you wrapped your arms around each other. He turned the shower off. You both dried off.

He scooped you up, making you giggle. He laid you down gently. You stretched your body against the mattress and Taeyong admired all of your angles.

“I’m going to fuck you until the sunrise, y/n,” Taeyong said as he looked down at your body. Your eyes lock on him. They were no longer doe-like.

“I bet you are,” you said, feeling a little nervous now.

He straddled you and kissed you. His cock teased its entrance into your folds. “My stars, you are the most gorgeous creature,” he said as his face was mere centimeters from yours.

You pulled him closer and you kissed again, running your hands over his back. He traced his fingers around your folds, teasing your entrance. You whimpered as you held him tightly.

You pushed him off of you and laid him back as you gripped his cock and pumped. “You think you’re the only who’s been dying for this moment?”

Taeyong gaped at you. You were the first partner to take charge. His other lovers usually let him take the lead. He didn’t mind it much but to see you cater to his needs made him dizzy.

You took his cock into your mouth and your throat burned from the contact. You couldn’t take all of him in so you had to love the rest of him with your hand. You started bobbing your head back and forth, licking the veins of his throbbing member. Taeyong grunted. “Fuck, y/n.”

You looked up at him and his heart nearly stopped again. He gripped your hair. He came into your mouth and you swallowed his seed.

“You taste better than I imagined,” you said as you wiped your mouth.

You were generous in all aspects of life but in the bedroom? Taeyong was floored. “Allow me to pamper you.”

He laid you against his bed frame and brought out handcuffs.

“Well, you came prepared. Are those new?” You hoped they were.

“Yes. They came in yesterday…Good timing, wouldn’t you say?”

You nodded as he unlocked the cuffs. “Lift your arms up, y/n.”

You obeyed and he cuffed you. Your breasts were raised beautifully and Taeyong sighed. “Breathtaking.”

You averted your gaze and Taeyong shook his head. He took your chin and turned your face to him. “No, no...Don’t get shy on me now...Not when you fucked me with that pretty little mouth of yours.”

You loved how low his voice became and you felt your pussy tremble underneath him. He fondled your breasts, squeezing your nipples and biting them. He kissed around your folds. He traced his tongue at your entrance and breathed against it, making you whimper. He started whispering sweet nothings in multiple languages. He spoke in almost ten languages and you wondered who this man really was. You came once he spoke dirty French into your ear.

You were already soaked and Taeyong wanted to indulge in torturing you for a few minutes before he entered you. He started by slipping one finger into your entrance and carefully avoided your G-spot to rile you up.

“Taeyong, please,” you cried.

He stopped and kissed your forehead. “We have all night, y/n.”

You pouted. “You’re too good at torturing me.”

He smiled. “Am I torturing you? I didn’t think so.”

You wrapped your legs harder around his abdomen. “Get inside me. Now.”

He sighed. “You seem to forget that I’m calling the shots, y/n.”

You licked your lips. “Are you?”

He frowned and slipped his fingers out of your folds. “Do you not like it?”

You shook your head. “I do. I do. I do.”

He smirked. “Then, let me work.”

He continued to fingerfuck you until you cried. “Yong, please…”

“I love when you call me Yong. It destroys me,” he said as he finally entered you.

You cried out loud as his cock entered and hit you in the right places. You could feel him go deeper and could feel his cock twitching in your belly. You climaxed quickly and Taeyong quickly pulled out and came right after.

Taeyong cleaned you both up, not removing you from the cuffs just yet.

“Uh, Taeyong?”

“Yes, darling?”

“You forgot something?” You looked up at the cuffs.

“Oh, you’re right. I did forget something.” He kissed your forehead. “I love you.”

He walked out of the room.

Your arms started to hurt from having been raised for so long. “You are so funny!”

He returned with a tray that had two glasses of water and a bowl of strawberries and whipped cream.

“Are you hungry?” Taeyong asked, acting oblivious.

“Taeyong, I think it’s your turn to try on the cuffs…”

He beamed. “Exactly what I was thinking, y/n.”

“Okay, great. Now if you can get these off of me, the chances of me choking you to death will be lower.”

He laughed. “You’re so funny.”

He sat next to you in bed. And fed you a strawberry with whipped cream on top, popping it into your mouth. He carefully slipped his finger out and licked his finger. “Mmm.”

He took the whipped cream and drew out shapes onto your body, tracing his tongue over the shapes and eating the whipped cream. It drove you crazy.

“Now that I’ve had my dessert. It’s only fair that you enjoy yours.” He uncuffed you.

You cuffed him and had your way with him. You even took it a step further and pulled out another set of handcuffs from the drawer. “I see you got an extra pair.”

He smiled. “Can never be too prepared.”

You returned his smile. “Let’s kick it up a notch. Shall we?”

You cuffed his ankles, as well. He laid in bed and waited for you to get to work on him but you decided to get the bowl of strawberries and whipped cream and eat a couple slowly. You even fed a couple to Taeyong.

You started, “This is nice.”

Taeyong grumbled in Korean.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I’m just waiting here. Patient.”

“Like the good boy that you are,” you cooed.

Your voice made him harder. You took the whipped cream and traced it over your collar bone. “Lick,” you commanded.

He licked across your collarbone. Then, you drew shapes onto his body, drawing a heart around his pelvic region. You saved it for last and slowly licked around it. You kissed his tip. He groaned. You straddled him and kissed him passionately.

You teased each other like that all night and made love for hours. You fell asleep in each other’s arms, holding each other tightly. The sun had risen a few hours ago. You woke up first and found Taeyong holding you tightly to his chest. He felt your movement in his sleep and he held you tighter. The sun lit up his features. He looked like an angel.

You kissed his cheek and his eyes opened slowly. “Good morning.”

You smiled. “Hi.”

He stretched and held you again. “I need to check on Ruby.”

You shook your head. “I’ll take care of her. You sleep.”

He whined. “It’s okay. You rest.”

You giggled. “It’s okay.”

You and Taeyong got cleaned up. You borrowed some of Taeyong’s clothes. You took Ruby for a walk around the neighborhood. You spent a quiet day together, living in utter bliss.

…

[1 Week Later]

Taeyong was on cloud nine. Having you in his life made him complete. He can’t imagine it getting better than this. You were at work and Taeyong was preparing dinner for you as you were sleeping over later. He was going to ask you to move in.

He finished his homemade pepperoni pizza and put it in the oven. He heard the doorbell ring. Ruby barked and he joined her to see who was at the door. It couldn’t be you. It was too early. He opened the door to find Mark at the door.

“Mark!” Taeyong smiled and hugged him. Mark was another one of his coworkers and close friends. Taeyong regarded him as a little brother.

“Taeyong, it’s great to see you…Wow, you are glowing.” Mark eyed him carefully.

He smiled, thinking about you. “Yeah...I guess I am. Come in!”

After they sat down and caught up with each other, Mark said, “I’ll cut to the chase...I’m here in Isla for my next pairing session.”

“Is that so?”

He nodded. The usually lighthearted boy looked serious. “I know about y/n.”

Taeyong’s smile faded. Ruby snuggled tighter to Taeyong as she rested on his lap. “Who-“

He shook his head. “I found out myself. Y/n is my next assignment.”

Taeyong felt his world crashing down onto him. “No…”

Mark sighed. “I expected one of the fledglings to get into this mess but you? Our mentor? It’s absurd.”

“Mark-“

“Father doesn’t know…Imagine his disappointment when he finds out. He doesn’t have to. If you end it now.”

Taeyong’s chest was on fire. Tears were threatening to fall. “No.”

Mark frowned. “What?”

“You heard me, Mark. I’m not leaving her.”

Mark sighed. “Once I strike the arrows at her and her partner, it’ll be over.”

Taeyong shook his head. “Mark, please.”

Mark hurt for his friend but his duty as a Cupid came first. “I’m sorry, Taeyong. This is how our world works. You’re the one who told me so.”

Taeyong hated this. He hated the world he knew before you. How could he go  back to a world of bringing love to others and have no love himself? He couldn’t. Not after meeting you. You’d been burned before. No doubt by one of the Cupids interfering. He wasn’t about to let that happen again.

“Taeyong, if you interfere with y/n’s pairing...There’s no telling what the consequences will be.”

“I’ll be the one to deal with that, Mark. But I won’t let you come between us.”

After their exchange, Mark left. Taeyong retired to the kitchen to check on the pizza. It was ready.

“What is he saying, Taeyong?” You started.

“Y/n?!” Taeyong jumped as he found you waiting for him at the kitchen island. 

You’d snuck in earlier to surprise him with sweet potatoes you bought from the farmer’s market. You wanted to scare him because it was a bit of yours. You snuck through the back door with your own set of keys he gave you.

You were about to duck your head into the living room when you heard Taeyong say he wouldn’t leave you. Your heart sank.

He wanted to hold you. “Y/n…”

You crossed your arms. “What is going on? Who is Mark? And who exactly is your father? What exactly is your job, Taeyong? Because I’m beginning to suspect you’re not a dating guru.”

Taeyong sighed. “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.”

“Try me.”

Taeyong checked the schedules of the fledglings at work in Isla. The best way for him to prove his identity to you was to show you how Cupids worked. “Come with me.”

He drove you to an amusement park. You turned to him. “You are not taking me on a date right now.”

He shook his head. “I’m not. Just follow me.”

He led you into the park and you sat down on a bench by the haunted house.

Taeyong started. “See that guy in the leather jacket? That’s my coworker Shotaro.”

“I don’t see him…” There was no one by that description where Taeyong was pointing.

“Y/n, hold my hand.”

“Taeyong, now’s not the time.”

“Please. Just do it.”

You gave in and held his hand and suddenly, a young man in a leather jacket appeared. Shotaro was carrying a bow and a bag of arrows. He prepared his arrow to shoot at someone leaving the haunted house.

“Taeyong, what is he doing?!” You yelled.

Taeyong shushed. “Y/n, just watch.”

You put a hand over your mouth and you were about to run over and stop this madness. Taeyong held you back.

Shotaro released the arrow and hit the young woman first. She looked at her best friend and kissed her cheek. Shotaro then shot another arrow at the best friend. She kissed the first young woman on the lips, then. The arrows vanished just as quickly as they pierced both women. It was as if they were never struck. Shotaro noticed Taeyong and waved before he faded away.

You rubbed your eyes. “Taeyong?”

“Yeah?”

“What the hell was that?”

“More like what the heaven was that…”

“Explain.”

Taeyong explained everything to you. How he was Cupid. How there were Cupids all over the world bringing people together. Taeyong was the original Cupid and he was on vacation. You took it all in and a lot of things started to make sense. Why he never spoke about his family or his job. How a lot of things were so new to him. It wasn’t because he was a sheltered rich boy. He wasn’t even human. He was a god.

This also meant that your concept of love was completely wrong. Cupids had their hand in romance all over the world. Which made you realize...

“So…When Jaemin broke up with me, it was because of you guys?”

Frustrated that you brought up Jaemin, Taeyong managed to say, “Yes…”

Tears fell from your eyes. “And you were never going to tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place to-“

“Oh, hell, if it’s not...How long were you going to play me like this? You were going to leave, anyway. What was the plan? Lead me on and then dump me like Jaemin did?”

Stabbed by your words, he begged, “Stop saying his name.”

“Well? How long were you planning to lead me on for? I’m sure you have a carefully crafted schedule for your next victim ready.”

Taeyong shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”

Tears fell onto your lap. “Taeyong, I loved you. Did you ever love me?”

The past tense killed him to hear. “Y/n, I love you. I’ve never loved anyone in all my years. You’re the only one for me.”

“Taeyong, you’re going to leave me.” You sobbed.

He shook his head. “I won’t leave you. I’ll fight for us.”

You hugged him tightly and he shushed you. He bought you a funnel cake with a large cup of lemonade to share. You both ate in silence for a few minutes.

You broke the silence.“When Mark said I had a pairing session, that means that I’m being matched with someone. Someone that isn’t you…”

“Yes…”

“Taeyong, I don’t want to be matched with someone else. What are we going to do?”

“I have a plan.”

You sighed. “I’m being selfish.” “What? No...Why would you think that?”

You took a sip of the lemonade. “The consequences of you disobeying...God, I still can’t believe it....I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Taeyong replied, “Let me deal with that, y/n. I will fight for us. It’ll take some convincing but after all of my years with Father, he has to listen to me.”

…

[The Next Day]

Tonight was the animal shelter’s fundraising gala in downtown Isla. It was held at the lavish Sun and Moon Hotel’s ballroom. Your potential partner would be in attendance tonight but you didn’t care. All you cared about was Taeyong and what he had up his sleeve. Mark was mingling with the other guests. He didn’t know that you were in on his plans with you. He met your eyes and smiled, playing the part of the oblivious but charming young man.

As far as Mark knew, you and Taeyong broke up last night so you had to look miserable. And frankly, you felt miserable not knowing what was about to happen with Taeyong. There was a chance you could lose him forever tonight. But you held onto the chance of remaining with him.

You forced a smile and continued to mingle with the guests. Meanwhile, Taeyong disguised himself and kept an eye on Mark. Mark may have been a well-established Cupid by now but he was not at Taeyong’s level. He was off by a few centuries.

The shelter had received a lot of donations from many local businesses and celebrities. You gave a thank you speech to all the attendees for their generosity and raised your glass to them. The uncertainty was killing you underneath it all.

Taeyong watched Mark prepare his arrow, then. Mark was no longer seen by humans. You realized Mark and Taeyong were missing, which meant it was time. Taeyong prepared his arrows. He stabbed himself with his own arrow as he watched you. Right before Mark shot his arrow, Taeyong shot at you. You turned to him, then, finally able to see him. Mark realized too late what he had done.

Mark yelled. “What have you-”

Taeyong and Mark vanished.

…

[5 Years Later]

The year you spent with Taeyong had vanished from your memory. The night of the gala after Taeyong and Mark disappeared, you continued on with your life. Living with an inexplicable hole in your heart. You thought it was because you were being dramatic. Seeing a lot of your friends get married and have kids didn’t help your case either. Meanwhile, you were alone. Working hard and thriving, sure. But emotionally, you weren’t all there.

None of your friends or family remembered Taeyong either. It was as if he never existed to any of you. One day, Jisoo introduced you to one of her friends from her gym. You two hooked up not too long afterwards. The night was fun. It was a one-time thing.

However, that one-time thing ended up in your pregnancy. The father wanted nothing to do with your child so he skipped town. You didn’t hold it against him. The child was unplanned and you decided to carry on with the pregnancy on your own. Your friends and family were very supportive. You gave birth to a baby girl named Daisy.

The emptiness in your heart was filled by your love for Daisy. She was your world. She was your partner in crime. You wanted to give her everything good the world had to offer. Maybe someday you could give her a father.

After dropping her off at pre-school, you stopped by the post office to send out a letter to your pen pal. Isla recently started up a pen pal program for its citizens to send each other letters and gifts. You were paired up with someone who shared a lot of the same interests as you: favorite movies, foods, and animals.

You were paired up with a man named Lee Taeyong.

Dear Taeyong,

I’m sending you a copy of my favorite movie of all time, Jurassic Park. Please let me know if you like it. If you do, there’s a bunch of stickers in it for you. I hope you have safe travels to Munich and Budapest.

Warmly,

y/n

Taeyong had faced serious consequences for interfering with your pairing session. The work that had to be put in to pair up y/n’s original partner, Nakamoto Yuta, with someone else put everyone into a frenzy. Thankfully, the damage was repaired.

However, the Lord was pissed. Taeyong disobeyed him. Even though God adored him, he knew he had to be punished. For every second it took for Taeyong to fall in love with you, it would take a year for you two to reunite.

God relieved Taeyong of his Cupid duties and wished him a wonderful life as a human. He looked forward to Taeyong returning to him again one day.

Taeyong returned to Isla with an established job as a pilot. Ruby remained with him. His friends Sicheng and Kun would look after her while Taeyong was away now and then. He loved traveling the world but he loved coming home to Ruby most of all. He tried dating a couple of times but it never clicked with anyone. And hook-ups were a thing of the past. He wanted something serious. He hoped to find someone to call his person someday.

He recently sent his pen pal a letter before departing for his flight to Paris.

Dear y/n,

I loved Jurassic Park. I can’t believe I wasted so many years of my life not knowing this movie. Don’t hold back on the stickers. I’m sending you a copy of one of my favorite movies. It’s called Train to Busan. Try not to swoon too hard over Gong Yoo or I might get a little jealous.

Warmly,

Taeyong

You two exchanged letters frequently and after a few more months, you decided to meet up at the cafe right next to the shelter. Taeyong walked past the shelter, arriving early for your meet-up. He was thrilled to meet you and finally put a face to your name. He looked at the windows where adoptions were currently underway.

That was when he saw you.

And just like that everything flooded back to him. How you two already knew each other once. How you became friends and grew together. How you fell in love.

He ran into the shelter and called your name. “Y/n!”

You were answering a volunteer’s question when you heard someone call your name. When you turned to the person who called you, it all came rushing back to you. All of the memories. All of the love for him that you carried in your heart. 

“Taeyong…” Your eyes welled up.

You ran towards each other. You jumped into his arms, then. You laughed and cried together. You took a ten minute break to sit outside with Taeyong.

“I can’t believe it’s you…” He cried.

“Me neither...It’s been five years…”

“Five years...A year for every second it took for me to fall in love with you…” Geez, he thought, God was so unfair and so corny at the same time.

Five years without each other was too much for either of you to bear. You caught up on each other’s lives. Taeyong was shocked to find out you have a daughter. You were shocked that Taeyong was a human now.

But now this meant that you two could grow old together. Daisy could finally have a father. And you couldn’t wait to hold Ruby again.

…

[1 Year Later]

After a year of dating and getting to know each other again, you and Taeyong got married. Daisy and Taeyong adored each other. Ruby was happy to see you again and more than happy to welcome Daisy into her life. It was a beautiful union.

All of your friends were in attendance. Jisoo was weeping so hard. Jaehyun and his boyfriend Johnny were in attendance. Taeyong was shocked that it hadn’t been Jaehyun who claimed your heart after all this time. It turned out that Jaehyun was just a concerned friend. They became good friends.

You got married at the beach. You wore a stunning mermaid white gown. You walked down the aisle with a train decorated with white daisies. The white daisies translated to: “I love you truly.” Sicheng, a violinist, played his rendition of “All My Life” by K-Ci & JoJo. It was yours and Taeyong’s song.

Taeyong donned a black tuxedo. A daisy decorated his lapel. He nearly broke down in tears at how lovely you looked. You couldn’t help the huge smile on your face.

You recite your vows to each other. You started, “Taeyong, from the moment we first met...My life became tinted in shades of pinks and oranges again. I could see that the world could be beautiful. You helped me find happiness again. A happiness I didn’t know I needed until I met you. I adore you and will adore you even into the afterlife. Whatever happens, I will always be here for you. You have my heart. My everything. I cannot wait to spend our lives together with Daisy, Ruby, and our future children. I love you.”

Taeyong replied, “Y/n, you are my world. I found love in you. You are the light of my life. You made me a better person and you made me want to live and enjoy life. The world is beautiful because of you. I love you with all of my heart. I promise you that we will always be together. No matter what life...and the after life...will throw at us. I am yours. I will always be with you. My love. My darling y/n...I love our family. Daisy and Ruby, we love you so much. I cannot wait to raise our family together, y/n. I love you.”

Officiant Kun continued, “By the power vested in me by the State of Sweetwater, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Taeyong scooped you up and kissed you, earning applause from your friends and family.

A magical day of many. You two lived happily ever after.

Fin.

[iamdarkness]

Letters from Fodlan.

(Not Sent.)

 The accounts of the missing parts in To Feed a Tiger

These are Dimitri’s memories of those missing parts in forms of letters never sent to you. A/N at the end.

This is Feral Dimitri POV.

Chapter one.

 Now that I have left Askr to try my luck to beat destiny; I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. I want to gift you my memories of the events that changed me for ever that had to do with you and them. This is the account of the times I encountered Lif, including the times I never told you, I witnessed for fear you would think badly of me.

  Then I gain I was in a bad place at the time and making bad decision. I am very aware that I can not send this to you ______, but I still want to put these memories to paper and preserve them for the time being. Then one day when I am a king and my battles done, we will meet each other again and then I will be able to tell you my self about this…And we will see each other again, of this I am sure. I will not bend or break. I must prevail and save my people and my self.

   The first night I saw him was the night you game me leave to use Corrin’s tree house. The half dragon had come to Askr in a bad state of mind and considered himself a danger to everyone. You had commissioned a tree house for him to live in, not too far away from the castle complex. It was a cabin proper but high up and propped up by four high trees. Prince Alfonse had been the one who wanted it that big you told me later. I suppose he liked the stories Corrin told you all of his childhood and his tree house. I can see the prince coming to spend some time away in here tom relax…but I digress.

  That had been a dark night. The moon was half full and there were groups of clouds lazily moving across it, blocking its light by intervals. That had been also the night you had come to visit me. That small act of kindness, had been the start of my recovery. The light at the end of the long tunnel of darkness. You had brought me dinner and I had done the best to get you to keep your distance but you never judged me. You stayed until I was ready to leave. I was in truth reluctant to do so. I felt you could understand my pain. You offered me apologies for intruding in my life, when you were right to do so and then you offered me a safe heaven where I could heal. You trusted me to follow you into the darkness of the night, to the woods, where the tree house I was to stay in was located and hidden. You knew what I could do and still you trusted me. I thought you foolish at the time, but this trust was what has kept me alive. After you left me to go back to the tree house I spent some time “conversing with the dead” as my hallucinations would not give me rest.

 After I had lost my eye my other senses had sharpened with the exception of taste. I heard the heavy steps of an armored unit make his way through the forest and as it neared the house I looked out the window. The house was high up and magically hidden as you had said, so I was invisible to the person below. My demons were never physical and even in my poor mental state I knew he was real, but it could not be so. He glowed brighter than the moonlight and a bluish color. His piercing red eyes searched the night for what I did not know. For a second I thought Death himself had come to get me and punish me for my sins. I could feel the rage and hate emanating from his blade like poisonous miasma, but he was not looking for me. The next thing I thought was that this was a spy and that he was wearing some strange armor that had some hidden virtue.

 I went down as silently as I had learned to move in my later years. He was, I suppose not expecting anyone around and was too distracted with his thoughts to detect my presence. Near the border of the fores he started to move in silence too. He moved like a predator; the same as I.

   Before he reached the edge of the woods he covered his glowing chest and mask, but before he did so I got a glimpse of his chest. I could see his ribcage inside the armor and the glowing matter was akin to water or crystal. It looked so in my eyes at least at the time. Once again I thought he could not be real, that he was a phantom made real to torment me and take away the only person in this world who had been kind to me. So I waited to see what he would do. If he was a spy come to do any harm I would finish him and if he was indeed a phantom I would still defeat it, or die trying.

   He stayed there in the darkness looking in at the light of the torches and the guards patrolling. He did not see to be surveying or to even care for the pattern of the guards. Then it happened. He tensed up and seemed to see something far away. It was two figures who had come from around the corner. It was you and Alfonse. He seemed to melt into tree he was hiding behind. I was about to pounce on him when you started singing softly. Your voice carried to where his hidden form trembled with a hidden emotion. The way he said your name, send shivers down my spine. It was the the prayer of the dying. The emotions in that sole word…Devotion, longing, sadness, love…

   Not too far from where you and I had sat you stood talking to a guard. They were giving their reports, not aware of the two persons intruding on their useless watch.

   -Do you want to go to the library and drink some tea?- You ask Alfonse.

   -It is late. Are you not tired?- Asked the prince.

 - It’s never too late to drink tea with you.- You say smiling while your hand touches his, almost by accident but his hand hand reacting at once catches your fingers in his. At this distance I can see him blushing hard.- But if you are tired…

   -No!- He answers faster than necessary, but he does not seem to care.-We should take it in the study. That way we can go right to sleep after.- You nod and the both of you turn to leave. Such an innocent, yet intimate exchange.

   -Alfonse.

   The stranger moved and my attention had returned to him. He had said the name with such hate and sadness. No… Not hate.. it felt more like jealousy. His Gauntlet-ed hand had carved the surface of the tree with its metal nails. He made to follow as you walked away, but he stayed in place. When you turned the corner he turned away but stayed a while. His figure leaned on the tree while he covered his face with one his hands.

  I turned away then. I felt I was intruding on a pain beyond what I had ever experience and too personal to witness. I only looked again when he made to leave. He uncovered his chest and face then and looked at the moon. From behind the mask the words of your song reached me with the voice of the specter. The whisper low and sad.

   -If I could,then I would…I’ll go wherever you will go…

   He came back a few nights later and I noticed that it was always the nights you were out on patrol.He had memorized your schedule it seemed. I got the idea, that even though he was jealous of Alfonse, he did not seemed to care for him or tried to harm him. There were nights when the prince would do a round by himself and the specter never came those days. I learned later that Alfonse was doing Sharena’s patrol since she had been working with the refugees and my specter friend had taken to spying her at town during the day,

   Then came the night my hallucination returned while we were talking during my dinner. You looked so sad that day and it sobered me up to see how haunted you were by the deaths you felt you had caused. You took responsibility instead of denying it, the way cowards always did. I knew then you felt the same way I did, but where I had become a monster you were becoming a light. I felt I should warn you about him. He was surely coming tonight and you were warned.

   Still I new you were not going to resist and that after my show of lunacy you would dismiss my warning as a product of my mind. I waited for him, hidden by the edge of the woods where he always hid to see you.

   He appeared again from deep within the woods. His slow determined walk turned quiet and again he covered his glowing chest and face. He stood there like I had seen him the previous nights. By the talk we had had earlier I guessed now that this was Lif, the person that had helped you before, but I was still unsure.

  Thankfully my demons were quiet that night and I was able to keep my sanity while this happened. The time when you came from around the corner of the building arrived. You were talking to Prince Alfonse and your hand movement reflected it was a quite emotional subject. Since I was closer to the clearing this time I could hear you better that the last time.

 -Luckily the potion was created fast and it is very safe.- I could hear the voice of the prince and his tone was almost soothing.

 -Yes. Even then I can’t help but worry about him not wanting to take it.

 -Why wouldn’t he take it? He must know you are only trying to help him.

 -He may not Alfonse. Most people that have this kind of psychological trauma and have hallucinations think they are real and there is no convincing them of the truth. I fear Dimiti may not understand that he is sick and that his demons are only the product of his sick mind. I worry so much about him Alfonse… I can’t…I don’t want him to die..

 This is when I noticed you were talking about me. What I felt at the realization was a jumble of feelings coming at me so fast it gave me mental whiplash. I was surprised at first and then I felt cold anger that you would think everything was just my imagination. I felt invalidated in my pain. Part of my mind, the one that was sick and delusional told me you did not believe me and did not care for me the way I had thought. But the part of my mind that had been touched by your efforts told me this was not the truth. I knew I was sick; and I knew I had been sick even before this. I had been told this so many times and I didn’t want to listen. What was worst was that my position as a prince meant that it was easier to ignore my mental problems than to risk their positions and this way the problems went unchecked until it was too late. Still, here there was a way for me to get better and people that cared for me. It made me feel a wave of warmth I had not felt since my childhood.

 -We will come up with a way to help him. Don’t worry.- He says softly and takes your hand. I hear a gasp from my right where the person watching you lays in wait.

 -Oh Alfonse. I am so sorry to drag you in. You keep telling me to not get close to the heroes and I know it is because you got hurt, but …

 -I have to learn to let go or I will never grow… but it is hard..

 -That’s because when you care for someone you give them your heart. You are so passionate Alfonse…You don’t do stuff by halves and that is the reason…-You let the silence end your sentence as you both stay watching one another. The steps of the guards may have been what brought your attention back to reality.- Any way…Yeah you better learn to let go or your future children will suffer for it.- You say with a laugh. He is taken aback by this and is visibly flustered.

 -What? My kids… erm…the things you say _____.

 -It’s true! I can see you not letting them marry until they are 40.

 -Not true.- He says and he sounds so young,- Forty years are a perfect time to get married.

 -Alfonse are you getting married until you are forty? Because I am not waiting that long.-You say and turn around to engage a guard. The prince stand there rooted to the spot with an expression between happiness and bashfulness.

 -I would marry you right now…- He says too softly for you and the guard to hear but I could hear them because he was closer to the tree line and because these words were echoed by the man standing near me at exactly the same time.

 The prince then joins you and the guard to take the reports and after a while I see you step aside and watch the place where we have dinner every night. Then you turn to the moon now past full and  the soft words of a song start to fall from your lips.

 - Come to my window…crawl inside and wait by the light of the moon. Come to my window… I’ll be home soon…I would dial the numbers just to listen to your breath. And I would stand inside my hell and hold the hand of death.- The reaction to the song was quite visible. Knowing I had told you someone would be coming, it felt to me like an invitation and it was plain he had taken it as such. But the words that had followed had truck him harder than the first. From where the prince was standing he gave you a look that seemed at the time unreadable to me at the moment. Now I know that he knew what you were doing. There was not much that would escape his sharp mind.- You don't know how far I'd go to ease this precious ache end you don't know how much I'd give or how much I can take. Just to reach you…

 -Ready? - He asked you suddenly ending your quiet singing. He looked troubled. You nodded and went to meet him to get back. Your patrol had ended. When they were at a distance I saw him lean to your ear and say something to which you shrugged in return.

 I looked back at him. He had one knee on the ground and he was leaning on the tree.It took some time but finally he got up and took some time to move. I suspect he was making up his mind about something.

 As you know I am quite tall and most of the time it takes some effort to be hidden well from all angles, but in my last years I had leaned well how to do so. I had sat among some leafy bushes between two trees.These bushes protected me from all sides. I was lucky they did as he did not walk in the same direction in which he went when he left the earlier times. He walked past me along the Western side of the grounds due North and I could see he was too distracted to notice me in my hiding spot. There was resolve and purpose in his steps and there was fire in his shinning crimson eyes. It was as if life had once again entered his being.

 If I was correct he was trying to get to your room that overlooked the central gardens and he had to get past the stables and the guards to do so. He seemed to have a very detailed outline of the castle and the location your room. I supposed then he had been in there before as a guest, but if he was an ally why hide from view? Had he done something to fall out of grace with the Order?

He hesitated before going past the stables and I soon understood why. I could hear the beasts grow restless as if sensing his presence. I heard Gerome talking to Minerva and asking why she was behaving this way. He stopped and listened for the hero’s presence. Indeed Gerome came out and talked to the guard who agreed to search for the source of the unrest. While they were at it the stranger had gone past the guards and crossed the grounds towards the entrance to the inner gardens. He was as agile and stealthy as a ninja.

  I decided then to come out of the shadows and let them think it had been me all the while the source of the beasts unrest. I knew if the stranger did something against you it would have been all on me, but I was sure I could stop him if it was necessary.

They saw me and asked me what I was doing, but a look in their direction shut them up. They knew who I was and I felt no need to explain myself to no one in any case. Lucky for me the stranger was already gone inside and had not heard the exchange. Once in the garden I too took to the shadows and surveyed the place. The gardens are vast as you well know and it took me a long time to locate my target. I found him by some rose bushes near the entrance to the entrance to the room complex where your room was located. He sneaked past the door and on to the side of the building until he came to the side of the camellia tree surrounded by laurels just under the balconies of your rooms. As expected there was no light in your room,nor the the prince’s. Instead of climbing up he waited in the shadows of the trees.

  I don’t know if you remember coming out to your balcony that night. Your light came on and after a while you came out of the room. You stayed there a while looking sadly at the gardens. He came out of the shadows to look at you and the soft and deep whisper of his voice reached me. I could not make out everything he said but I heard something like “… is the sun(1).” and as he talked to himself he quietly questioned if he should speak to you, light in the prince’s room went out. You went inside then. After a while he went out again and after looking over for prying eyes he climbed the wall to your balcony. By then I suspect you were asleep.He peeked inside and opened the door, but before going inside he paused unsure of his actions. He tried leaving but again he could not resist and opened it again and went inside. I was ready to climb and tear him apart if he was doing something untoward but just was soon as he went inside he had come out. He took out a flower he had taken from the garden and left it on the rail of the balcony…then he took it again and squished it in his hand. I found out later that he had placed a single kiss on your forehead and it had taken all of his will power not to spend the night watching you sleep.

 He sneaked out then and I did not follow. There were so much I needed to think about that night. Not only about the stranger but about what I had heard you say. That night I decided to give it a chance and try the potion I knew you would offer. The first thing I did that morning was take a bath in the gelid waters of the river that ran close to the tree house. I still feel shame about this but my logic was that by not being inviting to the senses I felt safer. It was an extra shield for me and if it made my enemies fear me then it was for the better.

   Knights later when it was again your turn to patrol I learned the prince was not going to be available to accompany you. I knew there were plenty heroes who would want to go patrolling with you, including my other selves who were very protective of you and the Fell Dragon whom you and Alfonse had almost adopted (2). I did not even offered to go out with you since I was ready to watch from the shadows and I wanted to see what the stranger would do now that you were alone.

   I watched over you from the beginning of your patrol. Even when stood outside in the garden looking up at the prince’s balcony and threw a small stone at the glass door, even knowing he would not be in there. I went to my spot near the clearing. Now with a cleared mind after taking the potion you had offered me it was easier to make better choices. I could not believe I had let him go so far as to get inside your room the nights prior. I was thinking of confronting him tonight and I was in for a big surprise when you appeared in the distance.

   The stranger had been waiting in the same place as before. Looking at him and knowing you were alone made wish he would not be wearing that mask. I knew by the glowing in the mask that part of his face was made from the same matter as his chest and I was not only curious to see his facial bones but mostly his expression when he saw you coming.

   Then you came and waited for the guards to report and stayed for a while writing down something on a small book. When the figures of the guard were gone you put the book inside your coat pocket and turned to fave the tree line. Unknown to me you had come earlier with Alfonse and had searched for signs that would let you know if he had come. Alfonse had found the scratches in the tree and so you knew where he would be hiding.

   You started walking towards us not knowing I was also hiding nearby. He seemed to panic for a second when we heard you speak. They were the lines of a poem I only remember but little.

 - “ Stay Shadow of my shy treasure. Image of the charmer I love best. Fair dream for which I die with joyful breast. Illusion sweet for which I live in pain…”

   He steps back and a shaky “No” leaves him, but he is now frozen in place as your figure enters the line of trees. You were guided by the sign of the scratches he had left on the tree so many nights ago.

 -“ It matters not that you slip through chains and embrace… when fantasy builds a prison just for you.” (3) - Now that you were standing just in front of him, his demeanor changed. It is as if he was steeling himself to fight. A fight I guessed then, that was against his feelings and one that was already lost.

 -Those words should be saved for Alfonse and I am not him.

 -You came to visit the other night.- You tell him, dismissing his words. He keeps quiet a moment.

 -I had an invitation. One you should not have given lightly.

 -I am glad you took it. I’ve wish to see you for a while…and I had thought it had been a sweet dream.

 -Why? I almost killed you and Alfonse. You should fear me and stay away from me.

 -I do not blame you for that; and it was you who saved us all in the end. I owe you everything.

 - It wasn’t just me who…

 -Alfonse please!

 -Don’t…not anymore...- He starts to say but your head leans on the glowing chest he had failed to keep covered. His arms jerk forward as if to embrace you, but he keeps them away.

 Until this point I had been confused by this interaction. Your words had been meant for a lover and I had thought you loved only Alfonse. Anger was beginning to seep into my heart. I had thought you better than so easy to flirt with another. Flirting while having a love so heartfelt and pure as the prince’s. Then hearing you say his name with such love made the truth sink in. You had talked about another Askr and that there was someone who had helped you defeat Hel called Lif. If this young man was the person that helped you and his real name was Alfonse and this meant that this man was that Askr’s prince Alfonse. All the pieces to my puzzle now fit perfectly. Now I understood how he new everything so well in the castle. It had been his home.

 -Can only Thrasir call you that now?

 Your words held no reproach, but his answer came in the form of his left hand caressing your head. His battle was truly lost.

 -I have words for him as well. Love and Innocence being some of them. Sometimes I feel I am polluting him.- There is a smile and fondness in your statement.

 -You think him pure…when he worships your memory every night before sleep and gilt takes him? Only to dream of you again.- I heard your gasp and your head turns upward to see his face. He does not flinch from your gaze, even after that personal revelation. I take it you understood he had done this as well.

 -You…

 -Every night.- He responds still not flinching. Your face is scarlet red. You lower your dead to his chest again. (4)

 -He…He’s the perfect gentleman with me. He barely touches me. Sometimes I feel like I am back in square one with him, but I don’t want to rush him if he is not prepared for more.

 -Fool…- He says with little venom and he takes to caress your cheek.- Why does he not act on his feelings? Was I this foolish myself? Yes…I lost so much precious, time I could have spent with you…You could both die any minute …has he learned nothing from my past?

 - You kind of told us and I quote "Get close to someone, and the pain of parting will be much more acute. You and Alfonse must remember this."

 -I meant the heroes.

 - I know this, but I think Alfonse took it more seriously. He still think I will go back to my world despite me telling him I will stay.

 -Fool...If only you were mine…- I saw him change again. He let go of you and even tried to repel you.-But you are not…My ______ is gone for ever… I need to go. I should have never come back here. This is not my place and you are not mine.

 -Alfonse…Lif- You change the name when he flinches away from you.

 - There is nothing I can offer you…nothing I can give you…Alfonse…how I envy him…

 -What is it that you think I want from him that you can not give me yourself?

 -...I don’t even have a heart to give you now…- He turns to leave.

 -Time…Time and friendship…That is all I ask…That is all I asked from the beginning.

 -I could never be your friend.

 -Please, I just want to help you…

 -Help me? How? I don’t need your pity or your friendship…I want...-He was about to leave but turns around and looks at you. He slowly takes off his mask and approaches you again. I could see he was waiting for you to flee or to be disgusted. I when I could no even see bone or teeth inside where his jawline would be. Whatever he though you would do however, he did not expect for you to take his face in your hands like it was a precious treasure. -So much more than that…-  He finished in a whisper. Once enthralled by your caress, he leaned over and kissed you.

 That kiss…How I longed then to be touched so lovingly, the way you kissed him then. He barely touched your lips, but you circled his neck with you arms and he deepened it while his arms sough to embrace you by the waist. Your hands tangled in his hair and I imagined how they would feel in mine. The moan of need that left his throat, appeared to have brought him to his senses once again and he let go.

 -I love you…I may not have a heart, but I love you with everything I have and I will continue to love you for ever…But so does he and I will not break his heart. If only one of us can be happy, then let it be him. Happiness was not made for me.

 -I love you too, Alfonse. Whatever form you take…but you are right… it is not his fault and it is not fair for neither of you. Forgive me for my selfishness.

 -Now go before the guards return and raise the alarm…He will be waiting…

 -Where will you go?

 -Does it matter?

 -It matters to me…to us. You can always return here.

 -There is…I have no place here. Now go.

 You sigh, say your farewell and leave. He watches you go and he puts his mask on again after touching his translucent lips with a sigh. After your form is gone from sight he turns and leaves. It may have been my imagination ____, but it seemed to me like his form did not look as somber or sad as before.

   I confess that… I felt jealousy of that love. No only your love for him but his love for you. He loved you beyond death and you loved him beyond appearances. In my life no one had loved me so. Yet you were giving me a part of your heart as Alfonse his friendship and Lif his pain. It had to be enough for me.

    A/N: Since Alfonse is a very intelligent man who loves to read and acquire knowledge, I am sure he asks the Summoner often about all kinds of stuff that the summoner has learned in their world. If the summoner can speak more than one language, he would be asking the summoner how to say  or write different words and phrases because he loves languages as you can see by him being a lost language translator. He remembers much of it because he has nearly perfect memory and loves the summoner very much that he tries hard to remember everything; specially the summoner’s favorite lyrics to songs poems or quotes from different media. Because The summoner does not share his perfect memory many of the quotes are not nearly exact and so I paraphrased quotes because this way the Summoner seems more like our real self who does remember parts of something but can’t access goggle to find the right quote.

  MY summoner is indeed Lif’s summoner as well. When the time line broke apart, she became two but when Lif’s Summoner died her part of the soul returned to the point when the time line broke, memories and all.

 (1) “ What Light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and ____ is the sun.”

“Should I listen for more, or should I speak now?”

Romeo and Juliet.

 (2) I love Grima and sometimes I feel like this dear dragon is still that child who is lashing out after being abused and neglected and knows no better.

 (3) Full Poem.

Stay Shadow of my shy treasure. Image of the charmer I love best.

Fair dream for which I die with joyful breast.

Illusion sweet for which I live in pain.

Your winning graces all my heart enchain,

It follows as the steel, the magnet’s test.

But wherefore you win my love and made me blest.

If thou must mock me, fading soon again.

Yet canst thou never boast, with fullest pride,

That triumphant o’er me is thy tyranny.

For though thou from the dose embrace doest glide.

That held thy visionary form from me,

But fancy builds a prison still for you.

 Sor Juana Ines De La Cruz. Paraphrased in actual text for plot reasons.

 (4) Alfonse taking Lan Zhan words to heart. “ Every night is every night” Lan Wanji Master of Demonic Cultivation XD . Sorry I could not resist.

[ancientwastedlores]

Undone by “Darling”

REQUEST (from @november-solarstorms​): Celebrating another year of this earth being braced by Tom Hiddleston's presence! Lol. Might I make a prompt request? I feel as though it would be interesting to read from Loki's POV to explore the dynamics between him and a human female who is just as intelligent as he. She has a sharp wit and even sharper tongue. Her sarcastic and clever nature enable her to out-banter Tony Stark, the king of snark himself (may he rest in peace). But she is also just as flirtatious and salacious. She never blushes, never falters, and is incredibly clever. You can decide the nature of their encounter. Really im just in it for a good game of cat and mouse.

A/N: Okay, I had SO MUCH FUN writing this!! And yeah, this will run a bit longer than my usual fics lol. Also, there IS a Loki POV, just keep reading thaaanks <3

WARNINGS: none. 

WORD COUNT: 1,932

____________________________________________________________________

Undone by “Darling” 

17 hours and 6 white chocolate mochas later, it was finally ready - an upgraded version of Corvus Glaive’s glaive, this one spec-ed out to your fancies and requirements. It was a beast, and definitely not something Nick Fury would ever let you play around with, even if you made it. 

Satisfied with your work, you remove your safety goggles and grin at Stark, who is working on his own weapon he scavenged from the Black Order. 

‘I’m done!’ you say triumphantly, causing him to look up and groan.  ‘How did you finish before me!?’ he lowers his glasses and looks at your weapon.  ‘I’m smarter’ you say.   ‘I went to MIT’  ‘And I didn’t, yet here we are, both in the same lab’. 

He shakes his head, not unlike a petulant child, causing you to laugh. 

‘How far along are you?’ you ask.  ‘Still running diagnostics’.  ‘Still!?’  ‘Have you seen the size of his hammer?’ he gestures to Cull Obsidian’s chain hammer on his work table, but the innuendo doesn’t escape you and you grin at him. He facepalms. ‘Y/n, for god’s sake...’  ‘You’re just tired, or you’d appreciate the joke too’. 

You stretch your weary body and let out a deep breath. You’d test the weapon out tomorrow, but for now, you need a nap. 

‘Take a load off, Stark. Hammer’ll be there tomorrow’.  ‘Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you...’ he puts his goggles back on and get to work. 

xx

Loki’s POV: 

Humans are surprising, but I always knew that. I never thought them boring, even if my brother says I do. Humans are of so little power but such incredible resilience that it’s frankly astonishing. I am inclined to believe that sometimes resilience is just stupidity... in most cases, I am right. But that’s not to say I haven’t come across some truly brave people. 

Take the Avengers Tower, for example. 

Just in here, you have Y/n, a brave soldier with the mind of an intergalactic scavenger, and I do mean that as a compliment. She’s awfully clever, she can build better than Stark, and has a track record of finishing every mission to perfection and before time. And then you have the Super Soldier Steve Rogers, a big muscled, big hearted idiot who often mistakes challenging our enemies for bravery and morality. 

The two couldn’t be more different, but they get along like siblings. Not siblings like Thor and I... better adjusted, perhaps. 

They sit in front of me, talking about some mission while they play Chess. Her moves are quick but calculated, his take more time because he’s more interested in telling his story than playing the game. 

‘...so there I am, no weapons, no shield, bang in the middle of the Serpent Citadel...’ 

He’s a good storyteller, I’ll give him that. But not as good as Y/n. She paints quite a picture, full of delicious gory details and horribly dark jokes. 

‘Steve, you have to pay attention, you’re losing’ she says.  ‘Yeah, I don’t actually know how to play chess, I just wanted you to listen to my story’. 

She looks up at him, almost offended. ‘STEVE...’  ‘Cool, I’m gonna go wrap Stark into a game of Battleships and tell him about my fight with Copperhead’. 

She laughs as he leaves the room, and she puts the chess pieces away. 

‘We could play?’ I ask her.  ‘Is the God in a mood to lose?’  ‘Over confidence isn’t attractive in anybody’. ‘Oh darling, neither is telling someone what is and isn’t attractive’. 

She’s never called me that before, and in the context it should seem cutting, but it isn’t. ‘Darling?’  ‘Problem?’  ‘It’s quite a term of endearment to set someone straight’. 

She says nothing. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ I tease her. She only smiles and continues putting the pieces away neatly. Stark’s chess set is gold and black, all individually carved pieces. The pawns are all Iron Man suits, but that’s to be expected. She handles them with the care Stark would. 

‘I mean...’ I continue, ‘honestly, if someone heard, they’d never let you live it down’. 

And she carries on, unbothered. 

‘Y/n!’  ‘Oh dear, look at you come completely undone with just one term of endearment’ she comments, shutting the chess set. ‘Whatever would happen if I held your hand?’ 

The very thought of it seemed to drain my brain of blood. I unwillingly glanced at her hands, working the lock mechanism of the box, her blue veins prominent. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ she asked. 

I stood up, the human emotion of embarrassment becoming too familiar for me. ‘I’ll have to see you at lunch’.  ‘Sure, darling’. 

Oh, I hate how she’s enjoying this. 

----------

The next day, Y/n booked a training room to test out the Glaive, and Stark had a rusty but working chain hammer. Steve insists on trying it out anyway, and now our breakfast is being spent on discouraging him from doing that. 

‘Guys... if nothing else, I’ll still have my shield. Let me test it out!’  ‘Y/n’s glaive cuts through Vibranium, you know that, right?’ Stark says.  ‘Y/n wouldn’t do that’. ‘Oh yes she would’ Y/n says nonchalantly as she sinks her teeth into a bacon and egg sandwich. 

As she does, the yolk runs down her fingers. She makes a sound at the inconvenience and sets the sandwich down, then grabs a napkin. I’m hardly ever crude, but the energy it took not to take her hand and lick off the yolk myself could burn every star in the galaxy. 

Captain America scrunches his nose at her remark, severely offended. 

‘In any case, that shield barely covers your giant body. It will force Stark to make you a new one’.  ‘What do you care about his giant body’ Stark says.  ‘It’s America’s ass, Tony’ she takes a sip of her iced coffee. Steve blushes, and Tony rolls his eyes. 

----------

The training facility is magic, of course, somewhere between a mirror dimension and Wanda’s reality powers creating a safe cocoon inside the building so no one can be harmed. Y/n hardly trusted anybody to fight with her except Thor, but given the nature of Corvus’ Glaive, she knew magic would be required. 

And so she called me. 

After getting into my battle armour, I stepped into the facility, equipped with my sceptre and the teachings of the witches of Asgard. 

She whistles as I walk in. ‘Trying to distract me from killing you?’  ‘Are you?’ I ask. She’s dressed in a black bodysuit, details of purple in her belt and weapon harnesses.  ‘Why yes, I am. Glad you noticed’. 

The glaive is on the floor, and she stomps her foot on one part of it so it swivels up and neatly places itself in her hand. She smiles. 

‘Try to keep up. I’m not just looking for eye candy in a training partner, darling’ she says, getting into battle stance. 

With nothing left to say for the second time this week, I aim the sceptre at her and the stone at the end glows. 

She charges and I shoot at her, but she spins the glaive and creates a shield which absorbs the energy. 

She continues to charge at me. I shoot again, and again the glaive takes the hit. Not a scratch on her. 

Once she comes closer, she simply places the flat end of the weapon against my chest, sending me hurtling back into a wall. 

She spins the glaive and laughs. 

‘Compliments of Wakanda. It absorbs any hits and charges up with kinetic energy’. 

I get up on my feet. This is far from over. I create multiple illusions to surround her, all of them brandishing knives, Chitauri tech, and sceptres. 

‘Damn, suddenly my whole evening has opened up’ she says, looking around.

Even my clones look around at each other puzzled. 

‘Come on then, who’s up?’ she spins the glaive around. ‘One at a time or all at once, baby’. 

They charge at her, and I expected her to fight them off at once... instead she plants the staff on the ground and ducks, and a semi-circle shell grows from the top of the staff, down to the floor... like a mini fortress, completely impenetrable. It could, no doubt, continue to take hits and build up kinetic energy, so I call off the clones. 

She gets up and retracts the shell. ‘Nanotech’ she grins at me. ‘The whole shell sits in a disk. It can withstand bombs and even a moon’.  ‘Is there any tech you haven’t adopted?’  ‘I’m an intergalactic scavenger, aren’t I?’ 

I stare at her, horrified. Can she read minds? 

‘Maybe I can. Or maybe I heard you tell Stark when he was complaining about me finishing my weapon first’. 

Silence. 

‘Also, darling, you’re awfully predictable in your fighting’. 

She picks up every trick and tech she sees, so beating her is less about weapons and more about cunning. 

No problem. Cunning is my specialty. 

‘Ready now?’ she asks.  ‘Mhm’. 

She takes a deep breath to ready herself, her eyes shutting slightly. Once they open back up, she stares in shock. 

In my Jotun form, I give her my most menacing smile.

She cocks her head to the side, studying my icy blue skin. 

The illusion I cast of myself approaches behind her, dagger in hand. Once it’s close enough and I can almost taste my victory, she raises the glaive and in one swift motion, sticks it into its abdomen. 

The illusion disappears into green light. 

‘Cute’ she remarks. She points the glaive at me. ‘What else you got for me?’  I shift back to my Asgardian form and sigh. ‘You win’. 

Y/n laughs and lowers her weapon. ‘Oh darling, I won the second you walked in wearing all that leather’. She winks at me, then walks out of the facility. I feel a blush creep to my face, much against my will. 

-------------

‘Maybe you should stick to your guns, Tony’ Y/n says, ‘Fancy suits is it for you, chain hammers may be overshooting it’.  ‘Is that what they taught you in the back alley you learnt ironmongery from?’  ‘Yes! Do you want their number, I’m sure they’ll have a spot on the waiting list for you’. 

Ah. Y/n’s relationship with Stark seemed more like mine with Thor. While they banter, Steve and Natasha tear up from laughing. I wouldn’t go so far as to call this domestic, but it certainly is comfortable. 

‘Come on, the glaive can’t be that good, right Loki?’ Stark asks. 

The company looks at me expectantly. ‘To say her weapon isn’t good enough means to insult your own tech, Stark. Everything about it is founded on your theories’. 

‘So technically, it’s my brain that made the glaive so cool’ he tells Y/n.  ‘Yeah, you could say that. The glaive comes from the same mind that manufactured Captain America’s dinner plate’. 

Steve doesn’t find that one funny, but Natasha does, sending her into peals of laughter. 

‘Oh whatever’ Tony huffs. ‘I’m going back to the lab’. 

He stands up and Y/n grabs his arm. ‘Aww Tony, I’m just kidding!’ she pats his hand, ‘Look, you’re a brilliant inventor, we all have our slow days’. 

He sighs and nods, and holds her hand. ‘Thanks... I guess I’m just not in my element, you know?’  ‘Yeah...’ she keeps patting his hand. 

And the feeling of domesticity creeps in. We really are all a family. Y/n smiles encouragingly at Tony, and Tony seems more relaxed. 

‘So, you want me to get you the number of that ironmongery, or...?’  ‘OH FOR...’ he snatches his arm away and storms out of the room, with Steve and Nat losing it all over again. 

___________________________________________________________

Ah this was so fun!!!!!!!! I hope you guys liked it <3 

MASTERLIST HERE

ASK BOX OPEN FOR FIC REQUESTS. Find GUIDELINES HERE.

[onechicagorpf]

Two Can Play This Game

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader (Chicago Med ED doctor)

Summary: Y/N and Jay have a very undefined relationship, which causes problems when Jay decides to meet with Ally, his ex, for drinks. Y/N’s not one to take things lightly, so when Jay dismisses her jealousy she decides to give him a taste of his own medicine...

Warnings: Loud yelling-at-each-other arguments, which can be triggering, so please watch out! Swearing + dubious medical content, as per usual lol

A/N: I just needed a break before I got started on Not A Stranger Part 4, so this happened! Enjoy! As per usual, please leave comments if you really liked it - they mean a lot!

The sun is bearing down on you hard, and you feel a trickle of sweat go down the back of your neck.

“Need a drink?” It’s Ethan, tossing a cool bottle of water at you. Grinning, you catch it and quickly begin to empty it into your mouth.

Ethan’s frowning, looking up into the sky. “Some days, I just don’t get Chicago. It’s either freezing because it’s the polar vortex, or it’s boiling hot because - well. Whatever. I hate this.” Crushing the plastic bottle, you toss it into a nearby trashcan. “We’ve cleared everyone?” You ask, gesturing to the relatively less frantic movement of firefighters, cops, and doctors on the road. Ethan nods.

A gas explosion had gone off in an apartment, and it was bad enough that CFD paged ED doctors to come down and treat some patients on the scene. Natalie, Connor, Lanik and the student doctors opted to stay behind and hold down the fort, so you were dispatched out with Will and Ethan. For the last hour and a half, you’d been busy running triage and treating whatever burns, smoke inhalations, and other trauma injuries came your way. Luckily, the fire had been contained to just one floor, so there were only a few really awful burns. But of course, this is Chicago so there’s only so much luck going around.

The building was an old one, and that coupled with several structural defects meant that the south face of the building had partially collapsed. So in essence, for every burn victim CFD pulled out, there were about three penetrating or blunt traumas from falling concrete.

“Yeah, but I’d rather treat trauma from a falling object than burns any day,” Ethan comments and you raise your eyebrows. “See, if you’d told me that at the start I would’ve just taken all the burn vics and tossed the rest to you.” Ethan throws his hands up, as you start laughing. “Okay hold on, I didn’t say I wanted to take them all – ” “You guys good?” Cruz swings by, soot and sweat on his face. He takes off his helmet with a sigh, and his shoulders sag like he’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Should be asking you that. Are you guys done with search and rescue?” You ask, kicking a nearby plastic chair towards him. Cruz thanks you and starts taking off his equipment. “Yeah, we’ve cleared building. CPD’s in there now.” You nod, your heart skipping a beat at the thought of the police - well specifically at the thought of one detective who you know is on scene…

Except you’re supposed to be mad at him now, so stop thinking about him!

“So they think this is arson? And that it’s related to some case Intelligence is working?” Ethan asks, and Cruz nods, “Seems that way, yeah.”

There’s a moment of silence, and your eyes scan the area, watching patrol officers lift up police tape for the last few victims being wheeled into ambulances. You get up, ready to check with Will if he’s ready to go back when Cruz kicks at your feet, a cheeky smile on his face.

“So what’s this I hear about you and the younger Halstead being on the outs?” His eyes light up, and you groan, swearing. Ethan laughs, and you shoot him a glare, to which he simply shrugs like as if he’s got nothing to do with this.

You turn back to Cruz, narrowing your eyes at him. “Who told you and what do you know?”

“All I know is that you and Jay were both at Molly’s last night and you didn’t even look at each other.” Cruz pouts, acting all sad. “What happened to my favourite detective-doctor duo, huh? Why the trouble in paradise?”

You roll your eyes. “We’re fine. We just…were hanging out with different groups of people last night.” Shrugging your shoulders, you lean against the nearby table of supplies, trying to look all nonchalant. Ethan raises his eyebrows, “So you’re definitely not pissed about the blonde chick Jay had drinks with 2 nights ago?”

“Okay, fuck you - ” You exclaim, unable to hide your rage at that memory. Which Ethan and Cruz find hilarious, apparently, because they’re throwing their heads back and laughing.

“You guys suck,” You punch Cruz in the arm as you walk away; the two men calling you back while still laughing. You flip your middle finger at them, which elicits an outraged “Hey!” Shaking your head, you chuckle as well.

The Med ED/Firehouse 51/Intelligence circle is a tight one and you love it - love having friends who are more or less in the same line of work, friends you can lean on, friends who don’t get pissed when you have to cancel on them last minute. But the flip side of that is the fact that nothing stays secret. Gossip is most the valuable currency in that social circle, so if Cruz and Ethan know, then it’s not a bad guess to think everyone knows.

“Dude, c’mon. You’re an adult. Just take the damn injection!” Severide’s voice catches your attention, and you turn. He’s standing at the back of an ambulance, with Will and Jay by his side (your heart, again, skips a beat, which only pisses you off because ugh, you’re so bad at being angry at him!). The three of them are crowded around a fairly attractive, topless blonde man sitting in the back of the ambulance, shaking his head vehemently. You start making your way towards them, listening in.

“Hell nah – I’m not letting you stab me with that shit – ” The guy’s eyes are wide, and he’s leaning back from Will.

“It’s just a tetanus shot,” Will explains, exasperated. He points to the guy’s side, where a bandaged piece of gauze has been stuck to his skin. “The rusty stairwell scratched you, so you need to get a tetanus shot.”

“I said, I’m not fucking doing needles!” Hot blond guy yells and Jay runs his hand down his face. “Okay dude seriously, I can’t question you about the fire unless you get treated first, so please just take the damn shot so we can all move on with our lives – ”

“What’s going on?” You interject, hands on your hips. All four men turn, and you’re very careful to not make eye contact with Jay. Will and Kelly both immediately shoot furtive glances at Jay once they see you, so obviously they also know that you and Jay are having an argument. Great!

I mean, it has to have been Jay’s fault, because you didn’t tell anyone…well except for Natalie…who might have told Maggie…who might have told April…who might have told Kelly - shit. Well, it doesn’t matter. The whole thing is only happening because of Jay. Technically the two of you weren’t really dating – it was just a couple of hookups, but then you also started hanging out a lot together, and it got to the point where everyone knew that the two of you were basically kinda sorta an item.

You liked that you guys never had to sit down and talk about what exactly the two of you were – all that meant was that you guys were strong and confident and that you didn’t need to have a discussion about where you stood!

Or at least that’s what it meant to you. Jay apparently thought it meant it was completely okay to go have drinks with an on and off ex from high school, who he’d admitted to you he’d hooked up with on multiple occasions in the past. When you (rightfully!) got pissed at him, he just frowned and said “What’s the problem? We’re not together.”

To which you responded very maturely.

So maturely!

In a very, very responsible way…

Okay, fine, maybe you screamed “FUCK YOU!” at the top of your lungs and left his apartment, slamming his front door loud enough to wake up all the neighbours.

You get that you’re maybe being a little over-dramatic, and maybe it is on you because you just assumed you didn’t have to have that conversation with Jay. But it hurt you immensely how he thought it was okay to go have drinks with an ex (an ex!) without thinking about you at all.

“Blake here tripped on his way down the fire escape and got scraped by a rusty stairwell, but he’s refusing his tetanus shot.” Will explains, snapping you out of your reverie.

You turn to the guy just in time to catch him giving you a very slow once over, smirking.

Okay…

“How come a big strong guy like you is scared of needles, hmm?” You tilt your head, putting on your best flirty voice. It’s just a thing that tends to work with unruly male patients, you’ve learned over the years.

And yeah, maybe it can be a side benefit that Jay’s going to be an audience to you flirting with someone else…serves him right!

“I’m uh, I’m not actually scared of needles. Just didn’t trust that guy – ” He nods towards Will, who throws his hands in the air, “ – to do a good job you know? Take a delicate hand for these things. Speaking of which…you look like you’re pretty good with your hands,” Blake licks his lips, flirting with you blatantly. You have to press your lips against each other to not burst out laughing.

“Dude…” Jay threatens in a deep, dark voice, but stops when you turn around and grab the tetanus shot pack out of Will’s hands. You step towards Blake, who’s looking up at you with lust in his eyes as he shifts for you. Wiping his shoulder down with an alcohol swab, you find a good spot.

“I’m pretty good with my hands too, by the way,” Blake supplies, winking and you nod. “I’ll bet,” You reply, as someone behind you scoffs. From the corner of your eye, you can see Kelly turn away, trying not to laugh.

You’re much closer to Blake than you really need to be, not that he minds – in fact you’re pretty sure he’s having a great time checking you out up close. He curses under his breath when you inject him, but quickly recovers. You rub on the jab site once done, and trash the used pack. “Good to go,” You shoot Blake a smile. “Oh, one more thing!”

You turn, looking at a very frowny, jaws tight, arms-crossed-over-his-chest Jay Halstead. “Let me borrow that,” You reach forward and take his notepad and pen from him, before scribbling down your number on the top most sheet. Ripping it off, you press it against Blake’s chest, winking. Blake’s hands come up to take the piece of paper, grinning, briefly brushing your fingers as you pull away. Jay’s jaw is on the floor when you return his notepad and pen to him, and you can see Will just shake his head at you, amusement all over his face.

“Alright, let’s go!” You say to Will, and the two of you plus Kelly leave Jay behind with Blake.

“Jay’s going to murder that guy, you know right?” Kelly asks, once you’re out out earshot from Jay. “Like, he’s going down for a homicide. You just got an innocent man killed.” You chuckle and Will lets out a low whistle.

“I’m not gonna say he didn’t have that coming, but damn that was harsh.” The older Halstead says, still laughing.

Shrugging your shoulders, you act innocent. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about – I was just making friends!”

Will and Kelly both look at each other before looking back at you.

“Oh, yeah, of course – ”

“Obviously, what else could that have been – ”

You punch them both in the shoulder at their faux-agreement, the three of you laughing. Ethan comes over, saying there’s an ambulance ready to take them back to Med. You and Will say your goodbyes to Kelly, and take your leave.

***

It’s almost midnight when you finally get home. Hip-checking your door close behind you, you start undoing your scarf and carelessly toss it onto your coffee table, before collapsing onto your couch. Your hand roams the crevices of your couch, finding the plastic remote and turning on your TV. Rubbing your eyes while yawning, your TV comes alive to the news of the day. As if on cue, the screen is filled with videos of the building from earlier this morning.

“…while the gas explosion was first assumed to be an accident, it was later proven by CPD Intelligence that it was started by Derrick Henderson, a 35 year-old construction worker from Englewood, who…”

There’s a knock on your door, three loud raps. You blink, confused, and there’s another three. Frowning, you sit up, and you hear: “Y/N, I know you’re in there, c’mon just…just let me in, please,” Jay’s voice is muffled from the other side of your front door, but you know it’s him. Groaning, you get up and make your way over, unlatching your door.

“What do you want.” You intone, seeing him standing there in your threshold. He grabs the door with his hand, like as if he’s afraid you’re gonna shut the door in his face.

“I think I owe you an apology,” Jay starts and you hum, agreeing. “And then I think you owe me an apology,” He finishes, and your mouth falls open.

“What the fuck did I do!” You yell, shoving against his chest. Unfortunately for you, he doesn’t even budge - which is kinda hot, actually, wait, dammit - focus!

Jay’s eyes go wide, like he can’t believe you’re claiming innocence. “Are you kiddi – that whole thing! With – with Blake, the fucking moron, who was basically stripping you with his eyes! That was so unnecessary – ”

“You literally went on a date with your ex and you’re telling ME what’s unnecessary?! You – ”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Your neighbour from down the hall yells, and both you and Jay shut up. “NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS YOU FUCKING MORONS!”

Jay scoffs, and turns to step down your hallway to your neighbour’s apartment when you reach out, grab him by his tee and unceremoniously drag him into your apartment. Slamming the door behind you, you turn to give him a piece of your mind.

“You’re the asshole who told me that we weren’t really together so it didn’t matter if you went out with your ex-girlfriend! So why the fuck is it a problem if I give my number out, huh?!”

Jay throws his hands in the air. “I’m sorry, okay! I didn’t fucking – I wasn’t thinking when I did what I did and I can see know that it probably really hurt you, but I swear I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t want to hurt you; I just fucked up. But you – you went out of your WAY to piss me off – ”

“ALL I DID WAS GIVE OUT MY NUMBER – ”

“IN FRONT OF ME! TO SOME OTHER GUY! WHEN I – ”

The two of you jump when there’s loud banging on your door. “I’M CALLING THE FUCKING POLICE ON YOU TWO!”

Jay wrenches your door open and you see your pissed off neighbour on the other side. “I’M HER BOYFRIEND AND I’M THE FUCKING POLICE, SO YOU’D JUST BE CALLING ME!” He slams the door shut and turns, running his hands over his face.

“Okay, okay, we gotta stop yelling. Anyway, my point is – what?” Jay asks, as you stand unmoving, mouth slightly open.

When you eventually find your voice, all you can say is - “You’re my boyfriend?”

“That’s what I wanted to tell you – ” Jay smiles, reaching for you but you just step back.

“That you just decided you’re my boyfriend? Because this relationship is an autocracy?” You glare at him, getting angry again. The nerve of this guy!

Not that your heart didn’t practically soar when he called himself your boyfriend, but…

“No, no, we’re very democratic, and we should talk about this more, once we’re done with all the yelling.” Jay announces, and then he smiles. “I’m just saying I love you.”

“See, no, this is exactly the kind of issue with you - you just make decisions and act like you’re right and you can do whatever you want and you can go out with your ex if you want and that’s all supposed to be fine but the moment I – as a joke – hand out my number to some guy to give you a taste of your medicine, I’m the one who crossed a line and – wait, what?” You cut yourself off, confused if you’re hearing things.

“There we go,” Jay laughs, a fond smile etched on his face, as you finally process what he said.

“Did you just…did you just say you love me?” You ask, your voice soft as you step up to him.

“Yeah,” Jay’s grinning now, right in front of you. “I’m sorry it took me a while to realise it, but…I love you.”

You just blink at him for a couple of seconds, eyes starting to tear up. And then you punch him in the chest as hard as you can.

“Ow! What the fuck?!” Jay asks, eyes wide as he frowns, wholly confused.

“You fucking – fuck!” You whisper angrily, not wanting to piss off your neighbour again. “You had to fucking go out on a date with your ex-girlfriend and piss me the fuck off and make me make you jealous before you realised that you love me?!”

“I’ve been hit in the head multiple times…?” Jay shrugs apologetically.

“You’re an idiot.” You say, before cupping the back of his neck with your hand and pulling him down to press your lips together.

You can feel Jay smile through the kiss, bringing his hands up to cradle your face as he deepens the kiss, parting your lips. You’ve kissed each other many times before, in many ways – good morning pecks, in-the-middle-of-sex makeouts, teasing neck kisses – but something about this kiss is entirely new. It’s just…warm, and loving, and delicate and beautiful and just – just perfect.

When you pull apart, the two of you rest your foreheads against each other, smiling like dumb idiots.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love- Chapter 4

So I planned for this chapter and the next to originally be one but as I started writing it, the words kept flowing and oops....now its really long. So I decided to split it. This means that I’m pretty much done with the next chapter so I’ll be able to get it out in a few days! Yay!

Also, Ivar is pretty manipulative in this chapter. Someone made a comment in the last chapter that I want to acknowledge. Going forward this is kind of a theme but I just want to put that warning statement- if this is triggering for you, please read with caution. There is nothing explicit or graphic but its still manipulation. 

Words:4000

Warnings: swearing, manipulation

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius​

Series Masterlist

Sitting in the office at work, Kari sipped on her smoothie as she plugged in numbers for an inventory order. She had just finished teaching one of her morning classes and was now doing some paperwork for Lydia while on her "lunch break". 

 She jumped when her phone suddenly buzzed- a text alert. Surprised and curious as to who would be texting her at this time, she unlocked her phone to see the text from an unknown number. 

 Unknown: hey u busy 2nite?

 Kari: who is this?

 Unknown: u fav person

 Kari: OMG! Ed Sheeran?!

 She giggled quietly to herself, returning back to the laptop screen. Normally she ignored any calls or texts from unknown numbers, but it had been a good morning and she was feeling playful. When there was no return text, she shrugged the conversation off and returned to the order. Apparently, the unknown number did not get the reaction they were hoping for or realized they text the wrong person. Either way, she did not care. 

 A couple minutes later, her phone started to vibrate repeatedly. Looking down, she saw she was getting a call from the unknown number. She hesitated to answer, but by the third ring her curiosity got the better of her and she answered it. 

 "Hello?"

 "FUCKING ED SHEERAN? REALLY?"

 She sat there stunned. "Ivar?"

 "Of course, it's me. Who the fuck were you expecting?" He asked, angrily. 

 "How did you get my number?"

 He ignored her question, his voice suddenly sounding muffled. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be a second…. damn it. I know!"

 "Who is that?" 

 "My brother.” He scoffed, muttering something unintelligible under his breath, before speaking to her again. “I have to head back into a meeting now."

 "Oh, ok?"

 "You didn't answer my question."

 Her mind was still reeling from the fact that Ivar Lothbrok had her number and was calling her out of the blue. "What question?"

 He huffed, exasperation evident in his tone. "Are you busy tonight?"

 "Why?"

 "I want to take you out."

 "Ivar," she sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead, "I told you, I can't."

 "Yeah and I don't believe you, so…."

 "No. I'm sorry but the answer is still no."

 "Fine. I have to go." He snapped then abruptly ended the call.  

 Slowly, she pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. What just happened? Before she forgot, she added his number to her contacts since she had the distinct feeling this would not be the last time he contacted her. Once done, she set her phone down and dropped her head into her hands. 

 It had been two days since he drove her home and she said they could be friends. In those two days, this was the first contact they had. She had hoped he grew bored with her since she was not playing his game, that she refused to go out with him. Maybe he finally decided she was not worth his time and moved on? Which was for the best. She could never fit into his world, there was no space for her there. Nor did she want to. She was happy, content with her life. 

 It was better for her to not allow Ivar into her life. That's what she repeated to herself as she tried to focus on the inventory order. 

 *****

 "Just put the bags right there, thank you." Kari said, placing the grocery bags, one in each hand, onto the tiled floor. The kitchen in her townhouse was small, two people could barely move around in it without bumping into one another. Thankfully, she did not spend much time in the kitchen. Cooking had never been her forte. 

 "Do you need anything else? I don't mind staying to help." The dirty-blond haired man asked, setting the two bags he carried down onto the floor. He started to shuffle forward but seemed to think better of it and leaned against the half-wall separating the kitchen from the short hallway. 

 "Erik, it's fine. If anything, I owe you. You never let me pay for gas money."

 He shrugged, and tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "It's not a big deal. I needed to shop too."

 "Still, it's not fair to you." She turned around from placing the milk in the fridge to look at him. 

 "If I think of something you can do to repay me, I'll let you know. Deal?"

 "Perfect."

 "Do you still want a ride to work tomorrow?"

 She shut the door and jokingly waved a hand at him. "See! You're too nice."

 "I'd be ‘too nice’ if I also showed up with coffee for you."

 She laughed, moving some frozen fruit into the freezer. "You're too perfect to not have a girlfriend." 

 He rubbed the back of his neck, a flush growing on his cheeks and drawing out a boyish smile. "I don't know if I'd say that. I'll let you get to it. I'll meet you outside at nine?"

 "Thank you, Erik."

 "Of course." He popped his head around the wall to look into the living room. "See you, Alana!"

 "Bye, Erik!" The response came from the living room. 

 Kari continued to put her groceries away as she heard the front door click shut behind him. Somehow, she needed to figure out a way to pay him back. 

 Erik lived in the townhouse next door alone. When he learned that Kari did not own a car, he offered to give her rides whenever it worked out for both of their schedules. At first, she had been hesitant, still not having lived in the townhouse for long but eventually gave in because he always acted like such a gentleman. Every time he saw her, he made sure to greet her and ask about her day. He always held the door open for her and anybody else close by. A negative word never passed his lips, rather choosing to focus on the positive in life. A routine soon started to form and every two weeks they would meet up outside of their townhouses and go grocery shopping together. When she did not have to work early, he would occasionally give her rides to work since the bank he worked at was only a couple blocks away. That was the extent of their interactions though. She wondered about inviting him over for dinner as to thank him but she always chickened out in asking him. Perhaps that was what she needed to do after all.  

 Once all her groceries were put away, she headed into the living room, seeing her roommate and friend sitting on the couch with the TV on to the Great British Bake-off but looking down at her phone. 

 The brunette asked, dropping onto the second couch. "How was work?"

 "Good. You?" Alana looked up, her make-up flawless like usual on her delicate features. 

 "Nothing too exciting."

 "You know, if you'd waited two hours I could have taken you to the store."

 Kari nodded, fiddling with her diamond stud earring. "I know, but you're so busy with work and school. I know you like relaxing when you come home and Erik said he was free today."

 "Did he now?" Alana asked with a smug look.

 Kari tossed a throw pillow at her. "Don't start this again."

 The blonde caught the pillow, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. "You know he likes you. He's just too shy to ask you out."

 "He's a friend, it's been like seven months, I think if he was going to ask me out, he would have done it by now."

 "He. Is. Shy." Alana enunciated, as if talking to a child. She rolled her blue eyes, leaning back against the couch. "Shit, he only started to actually talk to me this summer."

 "Cause you are intimidating."

 Alana threw the pillow back at Kari. "Bitch, it's cause I radiate sexiness and he can't handle it."

 "That is most definitely it." 

 "Well the guy I hooked up with last weekend said I radiated sexiness."

 Kari wrinkled her nose, looking over at her roommate. "I don't want to hear that. It's bad enough when you bring them here."

 "You know, it wouldn't be the worst thing for you to actually go out with Erik. He's…. sweet." She quietly stated, eyes back on the TV. 

 "Yeah."

 "I'm fairly sure he'd treat you better than that fucker of ex."

 Kari picked invisible lint off her black leggings, apprehensive about where the topic was going. Her love life, and lack of it, was something Alana liked to remind her of frequently as of late. "Honestly, I'm even sure anymore he should count as an ex."

 "Well you were supposed to be exclusive, right? And then you find out he's been fucking other girls the whole time. That counts as a shitty ex."

 She winced at the reminder of her one attempt at dating. "I don't…. I don't think I'm ready."

 The blonde pointed a finger at her roommate without turning her eyes away from the TV. "Well don't wait around forever, you'll miss out."

 "Says the woman who hooks up with a different guy almost every other weekend."

 "And I'm not missing out!"

 Kari laughed. Feeling her phone vibrate, she pulled it out of her pocket and checked it to see a new text from Ivar. 

 Ivar: hell no, if we r gng 2 see the Northern Lights thn we're gng 2 Iceland or Norway.

 She smiled at the text, quickly typing in a reply. 

 Kari: fine, we'll add that to the list. Can I please put South Africa back on the list?

 She fiddled with her diamond stud earrings, looking back at their conversation throughout the day. Just looking at all the texts, she bit her lip to try and contain the smile. 

 Ivar had texted her in the late morning, asking her out again. To which she just texted back a one-word answer- "no". Apparently undeterred, he ignored her 'no', saying how he wanted to take her to this popular restaurant. Somehow the conversation spiraled into creating overly outrageous "dates" he would take her on, each one more fantastic than the last, with her encouraging and creating her own ideas. Their texting had lasted all day, and she found herself actually looking forward to his responses. Something she never would have expected, especially after how rudely he hung up on her the prior day. 

 So far her favorite "date" involved him renting out the entire Roman Colosseum in Rome and having a candlelight dinner in the middle of the arena. The most amusing one was when she suggested they go skydiving. He shut down that idea saying they would have to be strapped to instructors and the only man she should ever be strapped to was him. 

 Her phone vibrated in her hand, alerting her to his response. 

 Ivar: u r not swimming w/ sharks 

 She giggled, trying to imagine his facial expression. She actually had no desire to do half of the stuff she suggested but it was funny to get a rise out of him. 

 Kari: African safari?

 "What are you giggling at?" Alana questioned, giving her the side-eye. 

 The smile dropped from her face. "Nothing."

 "That doesn't sound like nothing."

 "Just a funny meme." She deflected, getting to her feet. There was no way she could tell Alana she had been texting Ivar all day. "I'm going to shower."

 As she headed upstairs to her room, her phone vibrated again. 

 Ivar: do u jus luv danger?

 Kari: I'm talking to you, aren't I? 

 She headed to her bathroom, turning the shower on and checking the temperature. In a spur of the moment decision, she tossed in a eucalyptus shower bomb. 

 Just before she jumped in, she looked at her phone one last time to find his response.  

 Ivar: touche, kitten, touche 😘

 *****

 The soothing soundtrack of nature played over the speakers in the yoga studio room. A few women were already in the studio with their yoga mats out, either stretching or quietly conversing as they waited. Depending on the day, the ten am morning class could be busy but typically it averaged about fifteen to twenty women.

 Kari bent over, touching her palms to the floor. Even though she would not be continuously doing the routine along with those in her class, she still liked to be limber and have her muscles warmed up. This was a beginner class, where she spent a good portion of the time either correcting people's forms or showing how to do a certain pose. A few of her coworkers complained about teaching beginner classes since when the participants walked through the door, you never really knew what level they were at. 

 Checking the clock hanging over the door, she saw she had five minutes before her class started. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the pull of her muscles. The door to the studio room opened but Kari continued to stretch, shifting to a downward facing dog pose, holding it. She could hear some people moving around but she focused on her breathing.  

 "Mmm, I could get used to seeing this."

 The familiar voice behind her, caused Kari to try and whip around in startled surprise, only to end up crashing onto her ass. 

 Above her stood Ivar with a devilish smile. "Hello, kitten." He softly said with smolder that instantly made her flush and a tendril of warmth curl in her belly. Standing there in his jeans and red shirt with his hair pulled back in a man bun, it was unfair how striking he looked. Even the braces over his legs did nothing to deter from his attractiveness. 

 She rose quickly to her feet, wiping her hands over her leggings and peeking at the others in the room. Most were curiously watching their interaction but remained where they were. 

 "What are you doing here?" She hissed, turning her gaze back up to meet his. "How did you find me?"

 He rolled his eyes. "You were wearing a Whole Wellness Yoga Studio shirt when I drove you home last week. Plus, hearing from Gyda that you work here…. You're not that hard to find."

 That made sense, even if she disliked the logic. "Ok, fine. Why are you here though?"

 "I want to take you out tonight."

 "Oh gods." She could not believe what she was hearing. The prior day they had spent most of the day texting and sure it was fun, but her answer had not changed. When he had not text her this morning, she assumed that was the last she had heard from him. Apparently, he decided to ask her out in person instead of over the phone like the past two times. "Ivar… No."

 "Why? You keep saying you can't but never why."

 "It's just…. look, I don't want to date."

 He took a step closer, face inches above hers. His voice dropped low, an underlying current of anger in his tone. Those piercing blue eyes challenged her. "You say that but I don't think that's the real reason. So, until you tell me the truth, your 'no' means fucking nothing. Friends tell each other things, right?"

 "You know, I don't think we should be friends anymore."

 He chuckled, still standing too close for a normal conversation. "Too late. I like you."

 "I'm still not going out with you." She placed her hands on her hips, trying to appear confident, hoping desperately he did not hear the wavering in her voice. 'This was for the best, it was best for both of them' she repeated in her mind. 

 "Fine. I'll wait for you to change your mind." He winked and stepped back. To her horror, she watched as he walked over to the side of the room where she kept her water bottle and light jacket. He grabbed a nearby chair and dragged it over before dropping down with his legs in a manspread, that stupid smirk still on his face. 

 She stomped over to him, whisper-shouting at him. "What are you doing?"

 "I'm waiting."

 "What?"

 "I'm not leaving until you agree to go on a date with me."

 "You can't...no…. Ivar." She whined. 

 "I walked all the way here to see you, even though my legs are quite painful today…. you wouldn't kick a cripple out when they just need to rest, would you?" He asked, eyes widened in mock innocence. One of his hands rubbed at his knee in exaggerated fashion as if to prove the discomfort he was in. 

 She groaned. "I hate you."

 "No, you don't." He gloated, then nodded towards the clock. "It's ten o'clock, it's time to start your class, I believe."

 Without another word, she moved to the front of the room. She refused to play this game. Her answer was 'no' and no matter what he said or did, her answer would not change. The whole time she could feel his rakish gaze on her, reminding her how tight her leggings and purple tank top were. She tried to focus on her class, smiling at the women she recognized and the ones that she assumed was new. "Let's begin. Everyone start in mountain pose. Take deep breaths, let's center ourselves."

 "Kari!" 

 She looked over at the older woman, Ingrid, who called out. The woman was easily one of Kari's favorites, doting upon those who worked at the yoga studio, and becoming the unofficial grandmother of them. Ingrid had been coming to the yoga studio for years but was forced to only take beginner level classes after a bad fall the prior year. She loudly complained about her doctor being an idiot and how she felt fine, but Lydia refused to let her attend any other class than beginner classes until otherwise said by her doctor. 

 "Yes?"

 Ingrid's hazel eyes twinkled with mischief from the front row where she stood. "You planning on introducing that handsome young man you've got over there?"

 "No, we are going to ignore his presence. He's going to be leaving soon." Kari flatly stated with a polite smile.

 "Hi! I'm Ivar!" He announced with a charming smile, his bright blue eyes alluring under the dim lights. Giving a little wave with his fingers, he continued, "I hope my presence doesn't bother all you lovely women, I just came to see my girlfriend and ask her on a date tonight."

 A chorus of "awwwws" filled the room. 

 Kari wanted nothing more than to bang her head against a wall. Or preferably, Ivar's head. She could not believe the audacity of him.

 "Where are you taking her?" One of the newer women asked in a flirty tone, pulling her shoulders back to emphasize her ample chest. 

 Ivar barely glanced at her, keeping his focus on Kari. "It's a surprise. I wanted to do something special."

 "Young man, if I were a few years younger, I would fight Kari here so you could take me on a date." Ingrid said with a laugh. 

 "I would be honored to take a lovely woman like you on a date." He sent a playful wink to Ingrid. 

 "Alright, let's get back to yoga." Kari tried to redirect the attention. Annoyed and upset did not even begin to describe how she felt. 

 "Well it was lovely to meet you, young man. Kari should have told us her boyfriend was so handsome. We might have convinced her to bring you in sooner for some eye candy." Ingrid teased. 

 "He's not my boyfriend." Kari retorted, shooting a glare at the smug raven-haired man. 

 "And that is why I'm trying to take her on a date." He placed a hand dramatically over his heart, eyes staring at her beseechingly. "Just for her to give me a chance."

 "Get her some tulips. Those are her favorite flowers." Karina called out from the back of the room. 

 "Can't go wrong with chocolate!"

 "Oh! Read her a sonnet and dance under the stars together!"

 "This is so romantic…. like something out of a movie." Someone loudly whispered, making a few others laugh. 

 Kari dropped her chin to her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. She knew those in the class meant well, that they were really just trying to help. But they were helping the wrong person. Why would Ivar not leave her alone? She told him 'no' multiple times, that should have been enough. Her tolerance for his behavior was waning rapidly and honesty she was not sure if she would fight back…. or surrender. 

 The chair scratched faintly on the floor followed by his footsteps landing audibly as he crossed the room to reach her. She refused to lift her head, her eyes squeezed shut. Not just to pretend she could not feel him standing so close to her, but to try and hide the single tear that rolled down her cheek. 

 "Kari." He whispered, the sound a caress of her name. 

 Still she did not move. 

 Gently, he tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. His thumb wiped away the evidence of her tear. It was those captivating eyes, the ones that could both scorch everything in view but also send flames of desire dancing across her skin, that met hers. To her surprise, there was a softness in his gaze, a vulnerability, that was reminiscent of the few times they were alone. As if with just her, for a brief moment, he let his guard down and she could glimpse the real Ivar. 

 "Go out with me." He murmured faintly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. Standing in front of her, his broad back to the class gave them a semblance of privacy. "Please."

 "Why can't you let this go?" She begged quietly, staring up at him. 

 "I told you, I'm persistent." He smiled, almost shyly. 

 In his words, it felt like there was such a depth to them she was unaware of. That he was confessing something to her in which she did not have the key to fully understand. 

 She sighed softly, closing her eyes for a moment before looking at him again. "Fine. I'll go…. But it's only as friends, ok? This isn't…. Romantic. Just…. Just friends."

 "Sure, just friends." He leaned forward and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven."

 She nodded, feeling torn apart inside. 

 After a lingering look that breathed a flame into her belly, he spun on his heel to face the women. "She said yes!"

 A few cheers and clapping reverberated in the small yoga studio room. 

 "I graciously thank you all for your sound advice and encouragement with helping me to woo the beautiful Kari. Wish me luck as I plan to thoroughly spoil her tonight." Ivar dramatically bowed, shooting a quick wink at Kari as she watched him. 

 She desperately tried to fight the small smile off her lips. No one could say that Ivar was not charming or charismatic when it suited him. 

 As he finally made his way to the door, he turned around just before pushing it open. "Wear something nice." He said, pointing a finger at Kari and then walked out like a dream where one cannot decide if it was a nightmare or not. 

 The brunette ran a hand down her face before shoving aside her emotions and plastering a customer smile on. "I'm so sorry about all of this. Let's get back to it. I promise it won't happen again, ladies."

 "Kari, dear, you have fun with that boy tonight." Ingrid spoke up, eyes darting to the now closed door and back to the yoga instructor. "And if you don't want him, let me know. I'd still jump on him in a heartbeat. That boy has the prettiest eyes, I swear."

 A few sounds of agreement echoed in the room. 

 Kari could not stop her smile from turning genuine at Ingrid. No matter the situation, the feisty, older woman always knew how to make her laugh. "I promise I'll let you know. Now, back to mountain pose please."

 Silently, she hoped tonight was not a mistake.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 12/?

Word Count: 4.4k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best friend’s name)

God idk what i’m doing with this but i’m liking it lmao

next one might honestly be smut idk

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Description of Blood, Gets heated, hints at trauma, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Y/N walked through the streets of Gotham, which were once bustling with people, but now were quiet with the occasional hooker, she had caught the city as an unlively hour, where it seemed to sleep the night away while the vigilantes of the area watched it like their lives depended on it. In some ways it did, the stories they would tell when being interviewed were horrific sometimes, but Y/N figured a decent amount of it was for dramatization, to keep the people of Gotham off of the streets to protect them all from it.

The question was always protect them from what, and they never answered. So, it never kept the people of Gotham at bay from the streets at night, and had Y/N’s car not been towed, she would have been driving home in the safe, secluded area of her car, not the vast wilderness of the streets of Gotham.

She looked up at the sky to see one of the virgate boys using a grappling hook to fly to the other building, which was such a sight to behold for someone who never witnessed a superhero beyond Superman at home. She wished and longed to know more about the vigilante, but didn’t dwell or dote on that man, because she didn’t need to.

Something told her that he was watching though, tracing every step she made to make sure she got home in one piece. She thought she was crazy, her life didnt matter more than anyone else in Gotham. He’s not following me, why would he? she thought, Even though I’m dating Jason Todd, they probably don’t know Jason, so my life doesn’t mean much more to them than any one of the hookers along this street. I’m overthinking it.

The walk home took two hours, she left Jason’s at 4am just to find herself back home at 6am, bright and early as the sun rose, ready to greet the day and all it had in store for everyone. But the things it had in store for Y/N was a class and if she was lucky, cuddling with Jason. Nothing more, nothing less.

She would open her front door, unscathed from the journey home, except maybe for a few callouses on her feet, it was the last time she wouldn't pay for more than a day of parking, that’s for sure. Heels were not the shoes you wanted for a two-hour walk home in the Autumn cold, but they were what she had.

She thought about what she was going to do next, and the first thought she had was to shower. Not because she needed to, but because she wanted to nurse the terrible headache she had and to think some things through. What she normally did in the shower.

She wanted so much more from so much of her life. the main offender of seemingly not being enough for her was Jason. Not because she didn’t want more, but because she craved more from him. He was injured, so she wouldn’t get much more rom him for the time being, and it stung a little for her. She just wanted him, maybe sexually, maybe in a more romantic setting or maybe just on her couch on a Thursday afternoon. It was all three of those options and she knew it.

She pulled out of the shower and looked at the time, 6:50am. Okay, she thought, little more time than I wanted to spend in the shower, but I guess the universe had different plans for me today. What else do you have for me, universe? And how much of you plan involves Jason?

She would open her phone after quickly getting dressed. While she still cared for her appearance, she didn’t want to dress like she owned a law firm every day, so she didn’t. Just black jeans and a black top and she felt like a million bucks. 

Just some quick outfit inspo. I like doing these a lot. I think fashion is funky :))

Artemis had sent her a message asking where she was at around 4am, she wondered why the time, but she then remembered that Artemis’ boyfriend worked with Dick Grayson, who was Jason’s brother, who worked most nights until radical hours of the night. The chances that he saw her on her two-hour walk home was high, but the chances that that had also made it back to Jason was higher. She knew she was in for it.

Hey sorry, I was at Jason’s. Fell asleep in his arms the whole shebang. And yeah, that was me who screamed the yo momma joke at the press. It was super childish, I know, but I don’t care. Those fucks are sucking my life force out of me and harassing my boyfriend, even your boyfriend.

She would then look at the articles calling her a gold digger and worth-nothing childish insulter of the press. She laughed. If the press wanted a fight from her, she was more than willing to oblige and load the canons. 

She didn’t know how to fight back that well, since it was a mainly verbal fight, and she barely even knew how to  fight physically, hence all the running and non-confrontational arguments she had had to the press.

And like fucking clockwork, Jason texted her.

Did you walk home alone or are my brothers lying bastards?

I walked. I knew someone saw me, fuck.

Why did you walk home? I thought you drove here?

I did, but we spent more than 12 hours together Jason. I didn’t buy enough hours, suddenly my car was being towed.

You could have asked for a ride home from Alfred! He would have in a heartbeat.

I was going to! But  I got distracted and it all became a blur and suddenly I was part of the way home in the dark by myself!

What if you had gotten hurt?

Well, I saw one of the vigilantes of the city on the rooftops, I’m sure if I screamed they would have seen me. They always do see that stuff.

So, your car got towed huh?

Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay it off. It’s not exactly like money my parents give me should go to my car getting towed because I got fucked over by seeing my boyfriend. 

You’ll figure it out. Sorry about the car, that’s got to suck fucking ass.

You think? I’m stuck taking the fuckin’ subway till I get my car back. I hate the subway, too many people. Far too many people. Too many eyes. It gets stressful really quickly. Might just walk every where honestly, I can’t deal with the eyes of strangers.

But you’re a C-list celebrity.

Internet is different. I can just block the bad eyes and move on with my life, you should see my block list now that some people are connecting my name to the girl who flipped off the press, thank god Twitter has a fuckin block feature.

You should really just meet my family so you don’t have to run away before they get home, would probably cause you a lot less financial stress, Y/N.

I’ll think about it.

You should think a little harder about it. I don’t want you to get your car impounded ‘cause you’re seeing me, why did you even park in pay-to-park?

Did you not see the massive mob trying to get to you? It was impossible for me to even try to pull into the driveway. Hence why I’m being insulted, you know, ‘cause I yelled at the press to get them to leave me alone. I fucking hate the press, you’re stabbed, severely injured last time they got information, and they’re harassing me, asking me what I like to do on the weekends.

Fucking vultures. Yeah, I’ve seen that. I’ve read the articles. But that’s the press for you, absolute trash and spitting bullshit in everyway.

Fucking hate the press, that’s for damn sure. Despise them. I won’t ever change that, even if, knock on wood, we break up.

Praying we don’t break up so I can see you lose your shit at the press when you’re bored.

She would get up to go make some coffee, since it was closer to 7:20am and if her roommate woke up, she could just tell her to get up anyway.

The press can suck my dick. she said.

You have a dick?

Oh yeah. Massive. 20ft long. It probably won’t even fit all the vultures.

Oh my god, that’s not as big as mine.

lmfao is it now?

Oh yeah.

Nice.

Anyway, my brothers are staying home from school today,  I think they’re making me play Resident Evil 8 with them? You know that game?

Of course. Everyone in that game is infinitely hot.

Are you bi? 

I don’t know. Haven't thought that far ahead to actually label myself. I just like people. Sometimes it’s men, sometimes it’s women. But you have to agree when you see them all. That game came out when I was still in  high school, so I’ve played the entire thing. My phone background is actually one of the characters.

Which one?

I’ll show you if I come over tonight.

My brothers might be in my room, though.

Okay, but, RE8 is an amazing game. So, worth it.

You won’t meet them normally but I pull out a game you love and you’re down?

I’m very easy to convince.

You still have notes to write when you come over though.

Oh yeah, I was probably going to have to come over both ways, just because I need those notes and you do too.

Do you not own a printer?

I barely even own a laptop, I’m waiting for my old one to come in the mail. 

How do you even manage?

With a whole lot of will and spite, anything is possible.

And that’s when her discord group chat @’ed her. She was on Do Not Disturb because she was Jason, and apparently they missed her.

Y/N! C’mere. One said.

Yes? Whatduhya want nerds?

We’ve decided to hold a fake internet wedding between you and Christopher. Another said.

A what.

We’re getting married!

Sometimes I wish I never left Metropolis and then I remember you fucks live there. Why are we doing this? You do know I have a boyfriend right? She asked them.

I don’t know, we’re bored and we miss you. We can have a bachelorette party in Gotham, if you want.

I’m this close to going back on DND.

The group chat was made way back when they had all first met in grade 9 and had been active ever since. They all had stayed in the city when they graduated though, but since Y/N received a scholarship, fully paid for, she took the opportunity and jumped.

They were some of her closest friends, even if they lived in a different city to her now, even if they were all busy with school, even if she was busy with school and a boyfriend, A lot of her life wouldn’t be complete without her crack friends in her hometown.

They had all ben partying like crazy while she was gone, and if she wasn’t so hung up in her own life, she’d probably be down there with them. 

Before you do, can you please explain why you’re screaming at the press, lmao.

Because fuck the press, dude. Why else? 

What did they do to you?

Have you seen the recent articles?

That’s true.

She laughed and finished her coffee. Jason had not responded yet, she assumed his brothers were either checking on him or they had started the game. It was around 8am when A/N finally left her room.

“I thought you were staying with Jason?”

“I was, but then I remembered he has like 9 siblings and I’m not about to meet them all. Then I walked home.”

“You walked?”

“Car got towed.”

“Fuck, can you afford the bill? I can’t.”

“Nope.”

“Guess we’re going to take the subway for a while, huh.”

She sighed and put her cup in the sink, “At least you don’t have school to go to and your lover comes to meet you, I have shit to do and places to be,” she frowned, “Inconvenient.”

“Could you borrow money from Jason’s dad?”

“I don’t borrow money from family, it’s hard enough for me to accept the money my parents send me.”

“I know it is, when’s your class?”

“3pm, I’ll be leaving at 12pm though, because the subway is unreliable.”

“This is going to be a hard hit for us.”

“Well, it’s not like it’s fucking your credit. Mine’s tanking.”

“You’ll pull through it.”

-------------------------------------------

She got onto the subway at 12:30pm. She really hated the way it was running. The people, the faces, the staring eyes of unwanted attention. People knew who she was and she hated it. She didn’t like the attention, she just liked the fucking with people. She wanted to get off the subway the minute she got on.

She eventually couldn’t take it and got off a few stops away, there was still a substantial walk towards the college, but she knew it would be. She even brought a leather jacket with her so that she could walk if she couldn’t take it anymore.

And there she was, in the busy streets of Gotham, walking to her college. Barely aware of the people who did stare at her, because she just kept walking, lost in her thought but aware of the people in her trail, the cross walks and the lights she was waiting for occasionally. She just kept walking until Artemis met up with her,

“Hey! I didn’t know you were walking to school today,” Artemis said.

“Oh! I didn’t want to, my car got towed though.”

“Your car got towed? That sucks so much. Well, we’re going the same way, so I’ve decided I’m going to walk with you, you get no say.”

“Of course. I was going to ask if you wanted to,” she laughed, “It’s more fun with a friend anyway, Art.”

“So, how are things with you and Jason, I’m legally obliged to ask as one of his friends.”

“Well, we made it official if that’s the kind of thing you want to hear,” she laughed again, “I’m sure it’s the answer Dick will eat up.”

“You’re right about that one. Dick’s a sucker for a romantic story, you should write one, since you write. He’d probably read it all.”

“Well, that would be fun, but I still don’t have my laptop.”

“You could use Jason’s?” Artemis suggested..

“Nah. It’ll be fine,” she said, “I’ll manage.”

“Aren’t you collecting notes for him for your psychology class?”

“I am, it’s not like he can go anywhere. I actually told him he’d need to walk eventually so that it’s not a learning curve when he’s healed.”

“That’s what all of us are telling him too, he’s a stubborn man, good luck with that one,” Artemis laughed, “He’s always been the stubborn friend. Worse than Will, actually, and Will is really bad with being stubborn.”

“It’s fine,” she laughed, “If you asked any of my Metropolis friends they’d say the same about me.”

“I bet you were quite the wild child in your heyday back in your city,” Artemis laughed, “I hate Metropolis.”

“Who doesn’t? It’s so crowded.”

“Uh, Clark doesn’t. He thrives there, no idea why, he grew up in Smallville. If anyone should be uncomfortable with Metropolis it should be the small-city country boy, but I guess it’s his thing.”

“I forget you know everyone.”

“We know a lot of people, are you’re slowly being let into our massive circle of very well-known people. Welcome to the group, I guess,” she laughed, “You'll either hate or love the fame that comes from this.”

“Well, if its paparazzi and press, I think I’ll hate it.”

“I can promise you right now that it’s not all paparazzi and press, we haven’t been bothered today, probably because we are on the move.”

“You shouldn’t say that, you’ll jinx it.”

“I know a lot about not jinxing it, but that’s a story for another time,” Y/N noticed that when Artemis said this her eyes glazed over and she looked upset.

“You don’t ever have to talk to me about something you’re not ready to talk about,” Y/N reassured her.

“Hey, the trauma makes me funny.”

“Two can play that game.”

They would ramble on for the rest of the walk to their college. Nothing really of substance, just getting to know each other further. She was glad she found a friend in Artemis, it would have sucked if the two of them didn’t get along, but with each word they exchanged, they had so much fun.

She even told Artemis about that time she played Katherine Howard in her school’s budget play of Six - The Musical. She was proud of the riffs she was able to do, but she didn’t talk about it often. She was never the type of brag about her achievements, no matter how amazing they were.

But Artemis and Y/N parted ways and Y/N went to her class and wrote the same, boring, scribbly and barely legible notes. She figured eventually she’d need nicer handwriting, but did she want to work on it? No.

When she finished, she saw Artemis and who she could only assume to be Wally, at Artemis’ class doors. She waved to Artemis, before Artemis called her over.

“Y/N! Hey, I would ask how class is, but this is Wally,” she gestured to the red-head boy beside her, and Y/N held out her hand to shake Wally’s.

“Hi, Wally.”

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you since Jason can’t shut up about you and my girlfriend likes you a lot.”

“Well that's sweet of you Artemis. You’re just so in love with me,” Y/N joked.

“Girl. You know it,” Artemis joked back.

“You two already have a close bond? That’s impressive,” Wally said, “Never seen anyone win over any of my friends this quickly,” he muttered.

They joked for a little while longer, just getting to know Wally before she had to go, she had to get to Jason’s.

The walk was a while away, so she went and sat on a park bench for a minute to check her phone, Jason had texted her.

Hey baby, are you coming over?

I am, yes. I actually just met Wally.

You met Wally and I wasn’t there to see it? C’mon.

Artemis introduced us! Go yell at her.

Oh. Never mind. I won’t do that.

Ha! Scared of her?

Maybe a little, she can be scary, okay?

You can’t tell but I’m laughing at you.

Dhmu.

That’s fine, I’ll just go hang out with Alfred and not you. He seems like he would be spiteful like me.

That’s unfair.

I thought you said don’t hit me up?

Fuck.

Checkmate.

I am upset.

No you’re not.

No I’m not.

She would walk down the street further, maybe within a couple steps to reach the Manor, when a man dragged her into an alleyway. She yelped.

“Uh, hello? Can I help you?” she asked, pretending she wasn’t terrified.

“How much would Bruce give me for you?” the attacker mumbled before he tried to knock her to the ground, but she had another plan.

He grabbed her, put his face close to hers, and she head-butted him, he would stumble back, and she started running to the Manor.

“Come here you fucking bitch!” he screamed. She could feel her nose bleeding as she ran and ran, the security saw her and pulled her into the gateway before drawing their guns and urging her to run to the steps of the Manor.

And she ran. The security at the door saw her and let her in, and yelled for Alfred.

“What is this nonsense, oh,” Alfred paused when he saw the blood running out of Y/N’s nose, “Miss Y/N, what happened to you?” he asked before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the entry-way bathroom and opening a first-aid kit.

“Okay so, what happened was I was walking to the Manor because my car got towed right? And this fucking bastard dude pops out from an alleyway and pulls me into it, asks some bullshit about how much Bruce would pay for me, when he grabbed me and tried to knock me down, when I head-butted him and started running,” she said, completely unphased.

Alfred didn’t respond to her and started to stop the bleeding when Bruce called for him, “In the entry-way bathroom, Master Wayne!” he answered.

Bruce came around the corner and saw Alfred was already tending to Y/N, “Well, this is the event where I meet my son’s girlfriend, when she is bleeding and running from a strange man in an alleyway.”

“Heh, sorry,” she said and outstretched her hand to shake his, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Bruce.”

“I can tell you’re going to be quite the addition to this household,” he said as he took her hand and shook it, “As long as you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good. I guess you can’t get mad at Jase for being a reckless man now.”

“I really can’t.”

“Alright, you should be good, Miss Y/N.”

“Thank you, Alfred. But you really didn’t have to.”

“I’ve been taking care of 5 boys and 3 girls since most of them were little, Miss Y/N. A little blood is really no big deal for me to handle.”

“That’s obvious.”

“You can go see the boys now, they’re going to ask you though,” Bruce said.

“I know.”

She walked to Jason’s room, hoping that he wouldn’t have all of his siblings in the room, he did though.

“Hey, Y/N- what the fuck happened to you?” Jason exclaimed when she opened the door.

“Oh great, all your siblings are here. Anyway, I guess,” she paused, taking in a big breath so she could run through the events quickly, “So I was walking here ‘cause my car got towed, right? When some fucking bastard man grabs me and yanks me into an alleyway and starts going off about how much Bruce will pay him to get me back or something,” she paused again, “And when he tried to knock me down by getting really close and personal to my face, like an idiot I should add, I head-butted him.”

“You did what?’

“I’m not done yet, met your dad when I actually had blood running out of my nose because that's just my fucking luck. Okay, now you can be disappointed in me,” she joked.

“I will say again, you did what?”

“Something stupid?” she said.

“You could say that again, my god, what went through your head?”

“Uh, nothing. Just survival. Fight or flight but I head-butted a man, and hi, everyone.”

“Hi, Y/N, I’m Dick,” Dick said, “You clearly are meant for Jason,” he joked, “That's something he would do.”

“Don’t encourage her, Dick!”

Stephanie got up and greeted her, “You know, Y/N, I always wanted a crazy sister,” she joked, “I’m Stephanie, the black-haired girl is Cass, and the red-head is Barbara.”

“Me too,” Cass hopped onto the joke.

“It’s something else when you meet the girl your brother is dating after she head-butted a man, apparently,” Y/N laughed, “I know it’s far-fetched-”

“Not really,” Tim cut her off, “You know Jason protected Will when they were attacked?”

“That’s Tim, by the way,” Dick said.

“So you can’t yell at me for head-butting a man!” Y/N joked at Jason while going to sit beside him, he slinged an arm around her shoulder and leant his head into her head.

“Well, you seem like a nice enough girl,” Barbara said, “Take away the reckless behavior, and you are lovely.”

“That is valid, to be honest. Not exactly the way you want to meet your brother’s girlfriend.”

“You think?” Jason asked, sarcastically.

“Ha ha.”

“See, she thinks I’m funny, why can’t you fucks?”

Y/N laughed and then asked Dick, who was playing RE8 at the time, staring at the photo of Donna Bentiveno, “She’s cute, isn’t she, Dick?”

“Have I been staring?”

“Let’s just say Angie is probably very pissed at you.”

“Oh! Whoops. There’s a point to this, I forgot.”

“I don’t blame you, I remember forgetting there was a point and the little bitch devil doll would attack you.”

“Language.”

“Oh no, you’re lame. Gross.”

“Excuse me?” Dick asked as the rest of the room erupted in laughter.

“Do you guys see why I like her now?” Jason asked.

“Uh no, she’s mean,” Dick said.

“You’re going to die if you don’t start paying attention, Dick,” Y/N said.

“Oh!” and he died.

“And that kids, is why we listen to the person who’s 100%’ed the game.”

------------------------------

Y/N and Jason would spend hours with his brothers and sisters until the sun started to set and they all scattered to their own rooms to  do their own things. you can’t keep a lot of kids in one room for so long.

Once everyone left, Y/N placed her hands on Jason and kissed him, she was actually able to be laid on his pillow, he was able to pin her to the bed. And they did just that. He was on top of her, using his one arm to prop himself up and using his other hand to touch her face.

Her hands found their way into his hair like they always did, she found a lot of joy in playing with his hair. Their tongues danced together, they never fought or anything, they just enjoyed each other when Jason let out a small moan and she let out a small laugh.

“Keep it in your pants, Tiger,” she joked, “You’re not fully healed.”

“You literally smashed your face into another man but I can’t moan when I kiss you?”

“Because I know you want more.”

“Hell yeah I do,” he said as he went back for more, actually using his strength to keep her to the bed, but she didn’t protest this time.

[thepremedthatwrites]

May I request a smut/fluff/angst/dark based in Narnia/Once Upon a time (season 1 after the curse) where Peter and his wife finally meet after the curse is broken. Peter refuses to see his wife since during the curse world she was with the enemy (Archenland King). His wife tries to explain that it was forced and she didn’t remember him. Edmund know they both are hurting a reunites them. Happy Ending!

I Remember

This was so much fun writing and is kind of my first time experimenting with dirty talk during sex so I hope it isn’t too bad lol.  I hope you like it!! <3

warning: smut below the cut

My eyes seemed to open for the first time as the fog was lifted from my mind.  I was sitting at the kitchen table, staring into my cup of coffee when it happened.  My mind was running a mile a minute as a single word, or more precisely a name left my mouth.  Peter.  I shot out of my seat, the legs of the wooden chair scraping the floor.  The man who I had been living with, who wore the golden band around his left ring finger symbolizing our marriage, turned to look at me.

“You’re not my husband,” I said, my words echoing throughout the silent house.  “You’re not Peter.”  Before the man could reply, I bolted out of the front door and down the street.  People were looking around in confusion as their memories returned to them.  I couldn’t care to stop and check on anyone.  All my mind could focus on was him.  I was panting heavily by the time I reached the house.  I paused to collect myself before knocking on the red door.  

I waited anxiously, straining my ears to hear anything from the other side of the door.  Eventually, the sound of feet shuffling could be heard before the door opened with a loud creak.  Standing there before me was Peter.  His piercing blue eyes looked into mine.  Unlike the warm greeting I had anticipated, his eyes were that of ice.  A scowl was on his face.  “Peter,” I started cautiously.  He looked me up and down, his mouth still twisted in a frown.  As I opened my mouth to speak again, he slammed the door in my face.  I inhaled sharply as the door slam seemed to shake the entire frame of the house.

I knocked on the red door again, this time much more timidly.  “What do you want?” Peter snarled as he ripped the door open.

“Peter, it’s me.  (Y/n),” I said cautiously.  “Do you not remember?”

“I do remember,” he said, crossing his arms.  “I remember you being married to James this entire time.  Not even batting an eye towards me.”

“Peter!” I exclaimed, hardly able to believe what I was hearing.  “I had no recollection of our marriage!  Once we entered this strange town, all my memories disappeared!  How was I to know?”

“If you truly cared about our marriage,” Peter started, his voice growing louder with each word.  “If you truly cared about me,” his voice quivered at the last word, “you would have remembered.”  With that, he slammed the door in my face for the second time that day, leaving me alone.  I turned around, making my way back to the street.  I paused once, taking one last glance at the house before walking again  As I made my way down the street, my vision became blurred as the first of my tears emerged.  I quickly wiped them away which proved fruitless as more tears took their place.  I opened the door to the diner, taking a seat in one of the booths.

“Could I get you something to get started?” the waitress asked me.  I looked up to see the familiar brunette who had been working here for as long as I could remember.

“Just a salad,” I mumbled as the girl walked away to put in my order.  I look at the golden band that sat on my finger.  A reminder of the fake marriage to a man I did not love.  I pulled it off of my finger, tossing it onto the table.  The ring seemed to stare at me as I began to cry, my tears starting to fall onto the table.  How could he just leave me like that?  Did Peter no longer love me?  

“Here’s your burger,” the waitress said, putting down a plate with a burger almost larger than my face and an ungodly amount of fries.  

“I asked for a salad,” I said.

“Sweetie, if I know anything, I know heartbreak when I see it,” she said, a small smile on her face.  “A burger will make you feel much better than a pathetic salad.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, taking a bite.  The waitress was right.  The greasy deliciousness of the burger did taste much better than any salad.  The sound of the diner’s doors opening caused my head to turn.  A familiar brunette boy was standing at the entrance, his eyes scanning the room before falling on me.  

He quickly made his way towards me, sliding into the seat opposite me.  I quickly wiped away my tears, not wanting Peter’s brother to see me crying.  “(Y/n),” he said softly.  

“Yeah?”

“You need to go back to Peter.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried!” I exclaimed, feeling my eyes burn as a fresh set of tears began to form.  “I went to the house only to be met with a door slammed in my face.”

“Don’t let him push you away,” Edmund said, stealing a fry from my plate.  “He needs you.”

“How do you suppose I do that when he won’t even let me talk to him.”  Edmund grabbed another fry from my plate, chewing on it in thought before speaking.

“I have an idea.  Just show up at the house at exactly midnight.  Do not be late.”

I anxiously paced the street, glancing at my phone to see the clock change to 12:00.  It was time.  I took a deep breath before walking up to the red door.  I knocked on the door, waiting for a response.  After a few seconds the door opened to reveal Peter.  I felt my stomach twist in knots as my mind replayed the scene that had occurred the last time we were in this position.  Peter clenched his jaw, his eyes focusing on me who was now squirming under his glare.  Thankfully, Edmund appeared behind his older brother.  “Hey (y/n)!  I was afraid you wouldn’t make it.  Come on in!”  I took a step towards the door, half expecting Peter to not move and block my entrance.  Instead, he stepped aside, letting me into the house.  

I followed Edmund into the living room, Peter close behind me.  There was a coffee table sitting in the middle of the room, a fire roaring in the fireplace.  “Now, I thought it would be fun if we all played a little game together.”  I followed Edmund’s lead, sitting on the floor around the coffee table.  

“What kind of game?” Peter questioned as he sat down on the other side of Edmund.  I felt a pain in my chest, remembering when he would immediately sit behind me, wrapping his strong arms around me in a tight grip.  If it were like it used to be, he would never allow Edmund to be between us.

“Two truths and a lie!” Edmund exclaimed.  I caught Peter rolling his eyes from my peripheral vision.

“I’m not doing this Ed,” he muttered, already starting to get up.

“Not so fast,” Edmund said, grabbing Peter’s wrist.  “You said it was my turn tonight to choose a game for family game night and this is my choice.”

“But Susan and Lucy aren’t even here,” Peter complained.

“I’m sure missing one night won’t kill them.”

“Well then, I could miss a night too.”  It felt as though Peter was squeezing my heart, every word he spoke making it harder for me to breath.

“Peter,” Edmund said sternly.  “You were the one who implemented family game night therefore you have to stay.”  The two boys had a staredown before Peter let out a sigh.

“Fine, whatever,” he muttered.

“I’ll go first,” Edmund said.  “Let’s see, I like chess, I have a stack of books I still haven’t read, and I still have to do my homework for tomorrow.”

“Well, the last one better be the lie,” Peter said.  I couldn’t help but faintly smile, seeing Peter be the usual big brother bringing a sense of comfort to me.

“I’m gonna go with the second one.  You never do your work on time,” I said, causing Edmund to feign an offended look.  

“How dare you say such a thing (y/n),” he said, causing both Peter and me to chuckle.  I felt my heart flutter as we both looked up, our eyes meeting.  For a moment, I forgot how to breathe as I got lost in the ocean that was Peter’s eyes.

“You are right though,” Edmund said, breaking Peter and me out of our trance.  “I should probably do my homework now.  Why don’t you two play without me.”  He got up to go, giving his brother a firm pat on the shoulder and giving me a small smile.  He disappeared into the hallway before the sound of his bedroom door could be heard being shut.

Peter and I both sat in awkward silence as I busied myself with the hem of my skirt.  “I’m sorry.”  I looked up at Peter.  “I’m sorry,” he repeated.  “I shouldn’t have said what I said before.  You had no control over what you did.  It was a spell.”

“I should’ve done better,” I whispered as I felt tears start to run down my face.

“There was nothing you could have done,” Peter said, scooting to my side.  “If anything, I should have been understanding.  It wasn’t like I remembered our marriage.”

“I feel like I failed you.  I broke our vows,” I said between sobs.  

“No,” Peter said in almost a whisper.  His face was now covered in tears as well.  “Don’t say that.  I never want to make you think that.  (Y/n), I love you.  And I let my stupid jealousy get in the way.”  He wrapped his arms around me, his familiar scent surrounding me.  I felt the tears start to slow as I rested my head on his chest.  He was running his hands through my hair, rocking us back and forth slightly.  As I started to compose myself, I looked up at him before running a hand through his golden locks.  

“I love you,” I said, letting my hand travel from his hair to his face where I wiped away his remaining tears.

“I love you,” he replied.  He smashed his lips into mine without warning.  I felt my heart race as I tasted him for the first time in what felt like ages.  I turned so that I was now straddling his lap, my fingers entangled with his hair.  His tongue parted my lips, allowing for our tongues to be pressed together as I started to slightly grind on his crotch.  The motion earned a low growl from him.  He pulled away for a moment, both of us slightly panting as our hands wandered the other’s body.  “We should take this back to my room,” he mumbled.  I nodded in agreement.  I quickly got off of him as he dragged me to his bedroom.  As soon as the door was closed I was slammed into the wall.

His sucked and bit on any revealed skin as his hands worked on taking off my clothes.  I let out soft moans, helping him undress me as I felt the growing wetness between my legs.  Our lips reconnected in a bruising kiss, his grip on my waist sure to leave a bruise later.  He pinned my hands above my head before harshly sucking on my tits causing me to let out a loud moan.  “You’re mine, understand?”  There was a fire in his eyes that made my heart skip a beat.  I nodded fervently as he lightly bit on one of my nipples causing my back to arch.  

Peter seemed to be done teasing me as he threw me onto his bed, ripping off his shirt and then his pants.  I licked my lips at the sight, having missed the view of his tight abs and tanned skin.  He roughly pulled me towards him, lining himself before pushing in harshly.  I let out a loud moan as he stretched me out.  “Fuck baby, you’re so tight,” he moaned as he slowly pulled out before crashing into me again.  My back arched in pleasure as another moan left my mouth.  “I’m the only person allowed to see you like this,” he said as he thrust into me again.  

“Oh Peter,” I gasped, gripping onto the bedsheets as he quickened his pace.  He had placed my left leg over his shoulder, allowing him to go even deeper.  The bed had started to shake as he pounded into me mercilessly.  “I’m so close,” I gasped, throwing my head back in pleasure.  I felt my toes curl as my walls collapsed around him.  He let out a low moan as I rode out my first orgasm.  He slowed down before pulling out.  

“Get on your hands and knees,” he commanded, stroking himself as I did as I was told.  I could feel him hover over me, his hands wandering my body.  “I love watching you come undone for me baby,” he whispered into my ear.  “I’m sure James never made you feel this good.”  All I could do was moan in response.  Peter gently kissed the back of my neck before readjusting himself.  

“Oh God,” I moaned as he pushed into me.  I was soon a moaning mess again as Peter fucked me from behind.  The sound of skin on skin mixed with our moans as the headboard continuously slammed into the wall.  

“Who do you belong to,” Peter asked, his voice commanding as he slapped my ass.

“You,” I moaned, my fingers starting to cramp as I held onto the sheets for dear life.

“You have to be louder than that,” he chastised, slapping my ass again and causing me to moan.

“You Peter,” I moaned loudly.  “Oh God, I’m all yours.”  

“What a good girl.”  I felt him reach beneath me before drawing circles on my clit.

“Peter!” I screamed, my vision becoming blurred as the pleasure was becoming too much.

“That’s it, baby.  I want you to cum all over my cock.”  Peter’s words pushed me over the edge as my eyes were forced close, a string of curses leaving my mouth as my entire body shook beneath Peter.  I could hear Peter moaning into my ear as hot spurts of cum poured into me.  Peter’s hands gripped my hips as he emptied into me.  We both stayed in position, panting heavily with beads of sweat collecting on our foreheads.  Peter slowly pulled out his now softened cock as I collapsed onto the bed.

He fell onto the bed next to me, turning to face me as he brushed a strand of (h/c) locks out of my face.  “I’m never going to lose you again,” he whispered as he pulled me closer to his body.  “No matter what, I’ll be by your side till the day I die.”