#still not 'proof' i have adhd but. i mean.
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finally snuck myself an adderall (10 mg) and at first i was worried that i was feeling manic or jittery (which would mean everyone was right and i'm just bad at everything and it's my fault) but then i realized... my body isn't used to the ability to think about doing something and then immediately getting up to do it so it was a little overwhelming to gain that ability all of a sudden. my whole life (except for rare, unpredictable, and uncontrollable hours of productivity) whenever i've thought to myself "i want/need to get up and do [thing]" i would just keep sitting there and feel increasingly guilty for not doing it.
my parents would plead with me to brush my teeth before bed as a kid, asking why i couldn't just get up for 5 minutes and do it, and i'd cry and say i don't know, i'm sorry, i promise i want to brush my teeth. my teachers would keep me after class in high school and ask me why i hadn't done a project they knew i could do, they knew i did fine on everything else, but how could i tell them that i just couldn't bring myself to sit down and do the research or start writing, and i'd choke back tears as i told them i didn't know why, i'm sorry, i promise i want to do your project.
today i've done about 20 chores and projects that i've been meaning to get to for days, weeks, months. i cleaned the toaster oven, put up some more coat hooks to get the coats off the floor, washed 2 rounds of dishes and a put in a load of laundry, put away all the clean clothes and picked up the floor so it's walkable again, rounded up all the hair dye supplies and gave them their own spot, put away some things that had been out of place for a long time, and i still have energy to bag up the garbage in the bedroom, fix the patch on my jeans, and finish the laundry once it's done. probably even more after that. things that would usually drain me for hours individually, or would take hours because i'd give up or get distracted halfway through.
i never drank coffee because whenever i did it made me jittery and fucked up my heartbeat but this prescription shit.. this is good. getting my own prescription would be lovely but would take forever and be very difficult, so for now im more than happy to settle for predictable & controllable bursts of productivity rather than my usual unpredictable, uncontrollable ones.
#still not 'proof' i have adhd but. i mean.#im also noticing that i can think more logically and overcome mental road blocks that would usually make me too frustrated to finish a task#like im hanging up pants to dry right. and i dont have enough hangers. i might have spent like 2 full minutes standing there and then#freaking out a little bc theyre wet and have to get hung up but theres no hangers and i dont wanna hang them up in these other spots im#thinking of but i will if i have to but it'll suck and im taking too long aaaaaa#but this time i was just like. oh i can take a couple shirts off their hangers and put them back on after the pants are dry.#like. decisions feel so simple rn#also just made dinner and im thinking abt that post abt snacking and how if i could trust myself to make dinner every night and reasonably#clean up afterwards i would absolutely eat snacks less. like flavor blasted goldfish type snacks.#but as it stands i cannot trust myself to cook and so i must snack in order to keep myself alive another day
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slowly, i'm going down
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/99d46d18a9bdb7dd72fecdc42f64b343/c8301a0ffe0bb7b6-5a/s540x810/c455d37c6595f663cee8a6a4e2dc6f4ef7b10ec4.jpg)
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pairing: song mingi x reader (no pronouns mentioned, reader has female anatomy)
au/genre: college!au, tutor!reader, mingi does not give a shit about studying, smut
word count: 4816 words
warnings: voice kink (AHHHHH), oral and fingering (reader receiving), reader is a little mean, kitchen sex, anime references, cringe, a joke about adhd, dirty talk... um..., oh right Mingi has a big dick (wbk), everyone's a little silly, unprotected sex (boo âŒïžđđ»), premature ejaculation almost, creampie, cum eating... (not reader...), i think that's it. NOT PROOF READ YET!!
synopsis: mingi hates studying, but what he hates way more than that is being perceived as stupid. what mingi loves on the other hand, are pretty people getting flustered about his voice
or
mingi shows you exactly what he hates and loves.
a/n: i was almost ready when i saw this tiktok and it completely blocked my mind because it's SO FUNNY, but at the same time, it's men being dudes, dudes being bros, and that kind of made it hard for me to continue. i apologize for the 24h delay đ
taglist: @byuntrash101 @goquokka @ashwoodforest @choisansnotsolegalwife
Mingi is not one to sit there and look at books. Or papers. Or anything that doesn't move and feed his brain with bright colors and his ears with noises, really. He prefers to vibe, and studying is definitely not the vibe. Sadly, studying is a part of his life as a university student. Yes, he chose this path for himself and yes, he was aware that it would involve studying. Still, now that it's really happening and is not just an obstacle to overcome in the far, far future, Mingi kind of wishes he'd chosen something else to do with his life. It's just exhausting, why would he waste the precious time he has left on planet earth on something that doesn't get the serotonin floating? He's pretty sure he has some undiagnosed ADHD simmering up there, but who is he to judge that? He's certainly not studying to become a doctor or whatever.
Anyway, given the fact that Mingi doesn't like to study, he's not had much experience with it in the first place. He's barely gotten his way through school, but uni is a different level. Hence, he needs someone to 1) teach him how to study and 2) make him study, or rather: have a judging eye on him while he is supposed to study, so the fear of being called out on it may light a fire under his ass and force him to bury his nose between the stinky pages of an old library book (on that note: he also needed someone to show him how to check out books from the library).
And that's why you are here, every Thursday afternoon, sitting at the sad excuse of a kitchen counter slash dining table in Mingi's scandalously expensive apartment given its size, growling next to him every time you catch him analyzing the bumps on his wallpapers instead of the letters on the pages.
Mingi generally likes you, even though you are a bit scary, he has to admit, or maybe that's the appeal. You are polite, but you have a way of looking at him that makes him feel like he's getting mansplained by your eyes. Your taunting gaze on him makes him feel small, and he doesn't like that at all. It makes him feel like all these years of drinking milk to make him stand at the 1.84m he is at today were in vain. You always have that one expression on your face, and maybe that's just Mingi's subconsciousness telling him to STUDY HARD FOR GOD'S SAKE, but in the way your eyebrows would scrunch together just the tiniest bit, he reads: God, he is fucking stupid.
He doesn't know which (since he did not pay attention in biology class, nor is he even sure they teach that in biology class) chemical in his brain suffers an allergic reaction every time you look at him like that, but there has to be one. There is nothing that Mingi hates more than being called stupid. Well, except for studying, maybe.
Call him lazy, call him a scalawag, call him witty for being able to get through all of school without reading a single one of the set books if you must, but do not call him stupid.
The only problem is that you haven't, well, called him stupid per se. It's just how Mingi interprets your stares. Also, he desperately needs you because he doubts there will be many other contestants that are okay with getting paid as little as you are (which is all Mingi has left by the end of a month full of Pokémon trading cards). So Mingi just has to sit back and relax and simply take it because, apparently, that's what he gets for not studying his entire life.
A loud ringing wakes Mingi from his peaceful afternoon nap - one that he has really earned this time around, he managed to look through his study notes for a full 20 minutes during his lunch break!
Disoriented, Mingi raises his head to make out his location and what year he is in. It rings again. Slowly, Mingi recognizes the shrill sound as his door bell. He slowly gets up, a quick glance in the mirror tells him that his hair is an absolute mess (which is really a crowning achievement given his buzz cut length) and he has imprint marks from his blanket all over his right cheek, but his sleepy mind doesn't even take it in. Mingi furrows his brows and shakes his head. Who would dare to disturb his peaceful slumber at this ungodly hour (4pm)?
The answer, of course, stands right in front of his door. With your arms crossed and the tip of your shoe drumming a dent into Mingi's "come in if you're a silly baka"-door mat, you raise an unimpressed brow at the sleepy shell of Mingi that blinks one eye after the other.
A few seconds pass until Mingi finally realizes who you are, and his mouth forms an 'o'-shape. Immediately after, he furrows his brows once again, his body slumping forward a bit because: why on God's green earth are you here? Then, it hits him like a truck, the aftermath of the collision blowing the remaining sleep out of his eyes: it's Thursday afternoon!
"Sorry," he says and sheepishly scratches the back of his head, then steps aside to let you enter.
"It's fine, it's only freezing cold outside," you stare at him before stepping in, shudder as you kick your shoes off, slip into Mingi's guest slippers and hurry inside. Mingi's brain does not register the sarcasm drenching your words.
"Let's get to it, shall we?" You ask as Mingi finally manages to follow you into the kitchen. You sit, take out a few sheets of paper from your backpack, then look over questioningly as Mingi has not even moved a millimeter, but instead started yawning like his life depends on it. Your eyes drift down his body. "Or maybe after you've put on some pants?"
Mingi freezes, looks down to confirm that, indeed, he's not wearing pants, but Naruto boxer shorts, then covers his crotch with his hands and buzzes off into his room.
Minutes later, Mingi reenters the kitchen, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips that, yes, he checked twice if he's wearing them the right way around. As mentioned, he is generally unable to properly focus on his studies, but today, it's exceptionally bad. Of course, you'd notice.
"Mingi, are you okay?" There's worry in your eyes â a sight Mingi has not seen. Ever.
"I'm fine, just tired," he mumbles, eyes unfocusing as he stares ahead.
"Yeah, you are? Why?" Mingi's tired mind cannot question why you suddenly seem so interested in his well-being. He also doesn't put any meaning into why you're scooting closer to him, your forearm accidentally touching his.
"I studied during my lunch break," Mingi informs you, a little, proud smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Something tingles inside his chest as you carefully place your hand on his arm. As he looks over at you, you smile at him, and he notices your gaze flickering down to his lips for a second.
Hold on. Mingi's mind suddenly snaps out of its hazy state and works on overdrive. He might be the type to vibe, the type to just let things play out, but he'd be damned if he didn't notice when someone likes him like that. He suddenly notices the way you started creating skin-on-skin contact with him, the way you want to be closer to him, eyeing him even more than you ever did before. Just... why? Is it because you saw him in his Anime panties?
A few moments pass, and you sit back, then pat your pencil against the book to remind him of the reason why you're actually here. Mingi groans, admittedly a little dramatically and unreasonably erotic, brushing a hand through his hair to flex his biceps right in front of your face. You seem unimpressed.
"Well, fuck me," he chuckles deeply, the rasp in his voice more evident than usual due to his nap. It's then when you tense, he notices from the corner of his eye. Oh. Okay. So it's the voice?
"I'm really glad you're tutoring me, you know?" He purrs, throwing in a little praise to get you extra bothered, and you simply breathe out nervously.
"Heh, no worries," you brush him off. Mingi decides that, for now, he's made you suffer enough and keeps quiet. Instead, he focusses on his studies, although he's already planning his next step to terrorize you with the sultry rasp his vocal cords are gifted with.
"Mingi, focus-"
"No, I get what I have to do, the contents just won't stay in my head." Mingi reasons, his voice unusually, but not by chance, high pitched, eyebrows scrunched as to why the hell he has to do this before doing that only to do whatever next when it wasn't like this for the other exercise he had to do minutes prior. He is not stupid (!), he does understand how this works. It's just that it doesn't make sense, and that is surely not his fault.
"Are you stup-" you start, but shut your mouth before you're even able to call him the dumbest fucker you've ever crossed paths with. Mingi inhales sharply. Oh, oh, you're lucky he is patient, and you're lucky he knows that as soon as he growled a few dirty words into your ear, you'd slam your upper body on the counter without regards of caution, pushing your panties down under your skirt and begging him to take you right there - or at least, that's what he imagines.
Yes, Mingi is super patient, that's just what comes with the entire vibe-personality package, so he does not dump your cute sorry ass on his baka-door mat, but simply closes his pen, lays it on the table and looks at you. A fabulous idea plops into his mind.
"God," he groans as deeply as he can, stretching his arms over his head, "I guess I'm just a little" - he throws in a little moany sigh - "a little distracted today."
"A-are you?" You nod, biting your lip subconsciously. Mingi looks at you without moving his head. "Why?"
"Well, just stuff, you know?" Mingi enjoys how the rumble in his voice makes his throat and - obviously - you feel. "There's just a lot, going on. Like big... big stuff. Stuff that just keeps coming and coming, in and out, just like that. Ugh, I wish I could just let all this frustration out you know, all this pent up stuff." He watches for your reaction.
Unmistakably, your hand holding your own pen in a relaxed manner mere seconds ago now desperately grasps the poor objects until your knuckles turn white, your breathing is uneven and loud as if you'd just ran the entire way from Mingi's place to the next convenience store (seriously, why the fuck is he paying so much for this godforsaken apartment?). And - Mingi's favorite reaction to him ever: you're pressing your thighs together.
Oh, how Mingi loves himself a good reaction like this.
"Big stuff, huh?" Your voice trembles as your nervous eyes search for his. "H-how big?"
"Oh, really big. Just really fucking big," Mingi confirms with a slight smirk. He loves how you just fold easily like that. One second, you're over there feeling superior on your little throne of knowledge that Mingi lacks, and the next, you're making a little mess in your panties just because Mingi so much as spoke. Absolutely incredible. People should start calling him "the rizzler".
"I think-" you clear your throat, "I think I should head home then?"
Mingi smiles to himself as soon as you turn away to pack your stuff into your backpack. His hands automatically reach out to play with his pen, his long, slender fingers toying with the object, inevitably drawing your attention to the movements. "Already?"
"Mhm." You stare a second too long, gulp, then hastily stuff your belongings into the big compartment of the backpack, Mingi listens to the sweet melody of stressed breathing and papers crunching.
As amused as he is, he decides that it is time for the big reveal.
"Keep it in your pants, baby" he looks over, his eyebrow halfway raised, and stops rocking back and forth and fiddling with the pencil as you freeze in your tracks and stop packing. "What?"
Slowly, you turn your head to look at him. "So you know?" You manage to squeak.
Mingi smugly pushes his tongue into his cheek. He loves how you're basically vibrating out of nervousness. "Oh, I know."
You sigh, hands finally letting go of your stuff and motioning defeat. He wonders what's going on in your mind right now. Are you afraid he's going to call you out? That he's going to make fun of you? That he's going to call you a needy slut and send you home? Or are you wondering if he's going to give you what you want? Mingi loves this game.
That's why he decides to make your situation a little more miserable.
"I also know that you think I'm stupid," he explains calmly, trying his best to no longer show any excitement, smugness, or any emotion whatsoever on his sharp facial features to really confuse you. Well, that's what you're getting for (almost) calling The Song Mingi stupid. Just a little payback, is all. He's not going to go so far and make you cry. No, no, Mingi can't handle when people cry, much less so if it's because of him.
Nevertheless, your breath hitches. Oh, you're fully aware that he didn't like you calling him that at all. Oh, how the gears are turning behind your forehead as you're trying to figure out what's going on, and what's going to go on in the next minutes.
"Thought so," Mingi deadpans. Yeah, that's right. Look how smart he is now! Super smart! He's got you all figured out. He knows exactly what to say and how to act to make you feel - and, fuck, does this feel like redemption - stupid.
"I'm sorry-" you start, back facing Mingi's form, but Mingi is not here for it. Mingi has gotten what Mingi wants. Mingi feels as powerful as he imagines a lion to feel, like, every day.
"Dumb fucks good," he simply states, just putting it out there, throwing it into the room for you to do with that statement whatever you like. Mingi's mind is already satisfied, his ego stroked because he's just proven that he isn't dumb. Although... he wouldn't mind a little diddling because, if he's being honest, you're hot as fuck and seeing you react to him in this way- well, he's also just a man!
"What?" You probably think you must've terribly misheard him as you whip your head around to face the confident Mingi smugly leaned back in his chair. Your eyes meet his, and he is sure that you now realize that, no, you definitely did not mishear him. That was exactly what he said.
In the blink of an eye, Mingi feels your presence on his lap, a last final look into his eyes before he feels your lips against his, desperately chewing away the remaining air separating his spit from yours. It's messy, lips colliding, too much teeth and tongue, but it's all raw and desperate. Mingi gets the vibes that you may have had some pent up want for him, but that's honestly the last clear thought he can muster before you grind your hips against his.
A deep groan escapes Mingi's lips, inevitably echoing against your own quiet gasps that just turn louder with every movement of your hips, your hands frantically trying to touch him everywhere at once to the point where he has to grab your arms and pull you back. Your eyes, wide. And confused, but somehow lidded and hazy at the same time struggle to take in Mingi in front of you. Yes, Mingi is aware of the effect of his siren eyes.
For another moment, he simply enjoys seeing how destroyed you look already, but honestly, there is just one thing on his mind.
"I'm gonna eat you out," he informs, waiting for you to nod frantically, whine and scramble off his lap for him to keep his promise. And you do, allowing Mingi to grab your waist with his large hands and lift you onto the counter. Of course, he can't resist getting another taste of your lips, almost losing himself in the soft pillows that frame your pretty mouth, but the hardness creating a tent in his sweatpants reminds him that he should possible attend a little lower.
Hence, he kisses his way over your cheek towards your jaw, then over your neck and down your collarbones. Mingi is not sure what your opinions on love bites are, so he just hopes you can remember him being right here and here and here even without visual proof, he can save that for next time.
Okay, Mingi admittedly was not able to hold himself back completely, his teeth only gently nipping at your skin on his way down. He simply hopes for the best, but your sounds seem to imply that you do not mind him one bit. Instead, you sound as if you wouldn't mind him taking a few bites more.
Impatient as you are, you assist Mingi in pushing your shirt out of the way, the straps of your bra automatically falling down your shoulders to reveal more of you to his hungry eyes.
And as much as Mingi would like to spend hours playing with your chest, he keeps it down to a minimum, kissing the soft flesh while gently pushing the remaining material out of the way for better access. His lips wrap around a nipple, his hands meanwhile busy with massaging the other and carefully holding your waist. God, Mingi loves boobs. But he might love the way your fingers comb through his hair and gently pull on it a bit more even.
Finally, the time has come, and Mingi kneels down on the floor. Pushing your skirt up, hands caressing your thighs, he creates eye contact with your eyes glazed over by lust and want. It doesn't even faze him that he hasn't cleaned these floors in weeks, honestly, he is in so deep he probably wouldn't even realize if the stove was on, lighting his study notes on fire.
He wants to tease you more, make you wait, maybe make you beg even, but he just feels too hungry to keep waiting. His fingers hook into the hem of your panties, pulling them down your legs as quickly as possible before spreading your legs and groaning in anticipation.
Throwing your thighs over his shoulders, he pulls you forward a little further, chuckling as you almost lose balance and smile at him. Okay, maybe Mingi feels a little tingle, and maybe that is not a horny tingle, but that's something to worry about later, if ever. Right now, he has a mission: dive in.
So that's what he does, obviously, planting a careful kiss right on your clit to wait for your reaction. And you do not disappoint, gasping slightly at the first sensation before getting louder and bolder the more Mingi tastes you.
His tongue gently parts your folds, getting a first taste of your juices. You basically cry out as his tongue prods at your hole, carefully easing its way inside to caress your walls.
Automatically, your hands fly to his hair, gently pulling at the roots to find a way to ground yourself, the feeling assumingely overwhelming, Mingi thinks, not to brag, but-
Mingi's eyes roll back at a particularly hard tug at his hair, paired with the way your hips grind closer until you're basically riding his face. Fuck, how are you so hot? Mingi's fingers grab hard at your thighs, loving the way the soft flesh feels in his hands.
To experiment a little more and, first and foremost, to get more rewarding reactions out of you, Mingi lets his mouth wander back up to your clit, gently sucking the nub between his lips, his tongue carefully flicking as not to overwhelm you. At the same time, a fingers sneaks its way over to circle your entrance.
Your throat coughs out a broken moan at this, your eyes switching between looking at Mingi's eyes and his mouth, and closing completely. Mingi loves taking in the pleasure written all over your face. He might not admit it, but he loves this kind of praise much more than verbal praise because your body really can't lie. He can literally taste how good he is at this.
He finally pushes his finger inside, loving how the wetness and muscle contractions are basically pulling him deeper and deeper until past his second knuckle. He feels around a little, trying to find the spots that seem to appeal to you the most, watching carefully how you react to each and every flick of his wrist.
Although, he feels that one finger is not enough to prepare you for the rest of him, so he adds another, massaging them into the spot that seems to be making you see stars with the way you grip his hair even tighter and mutter something he interprets as a warning that you're about to cum.
Keeping his pace, he successfully sends you over the edge, letting you ride out your high on his tongue before removing his lips, only getting his fingers massage the last clenches out of you.
Looking up he realizes you look, respectfully, wrecked, with your chest heaving, your hair a little messy and your eyes hazy and glossy, parted lips asking for his. And who is he to deny them, as he leans in to allow you to taste yourself. You seem to like it.
Pulling back after a while, he looks at you. You look so happy and relaxed like he's never seen before. For some reason, it reminds him of the weight in his pants that he suddenly feels the need to inform you about.
"You make me so hard," Mingi says lowly, carefully taking your hand to prove it to you, "feel." It's more your hand guiding his with how fast you reach down to feel him, eager to touch the outline of him through the sweatpants. And as if you're getting paid to stroke Mingi's ego even more, you gasp at his size.
Mingi can't help but smirk, of course, who wouldn't?
"Big stuff, huh?" You repeat your words from earlier, but this time no longer nervous, but cheeky as you bite your lip playfully. Oh, how Mingi would love to make you choke on his dick right now, just a little, and in a loving matter, but he's honestly waited long enough and he really just needs to be in you right now. And besides, Mingi is more in his giving > receiving era.
Instead, he grins. And he feels like there is something more.
Impatiently, you tug at his pants, successfully moving them a millimeter. Mingi helps you push his pants further down until it pools around his ankles. You giggle.
Damnit, Mingi. Why couldn't you've changed your underwear? Mingi mentally scolds himself, a good amount of his previously earned smugness flying out the window. Instead, he gives you kind of a sheepish look.
"I don't mind," you assure, tugging at his anime boxers next, "it's actually relieving to be reminded that you're still the cute, dorky Mingi and are not possessed by a sex demon."
"Incubus," Mingi points out.
"I don't fucking care. Just get this hideous thing off and have sex with me!"
Mingi does not need to be told twice, although he makes a mental note to scold you later for calling the one and only Naruto printed on a piece of fabric shielding his balls from the outside world hideous.
"God, fuck," you let out, and Mingi chuckles at your reaction to his naked lower half, "come here. Please."
You pull him closer, wrap your legs around him and beg him with your eyes. Mingi wastes not another second, aligning himself with your hole and slowly pushing forwards. Your eyes roll back as he enters you, causing you to hold onto him for dear life as he inches inside, filling you completely.
God, must your walls hug him so perfectly? Must you be so unbelievably wet just for him? Must you make these sounds? Mingi feels like he doesn't want to be inside anyone else ever again.
"I feel like I don't want to inside anything else ever again."
How did that get out there?
You chuckle, and have the nerve to pinch his cheek, as if he wasn't balls deep buried inside you right now. "You're so cute."
Cute?!
Mingi will show you cute. He grabs your jaw, admittedly still gently, and makes you look at him as he pulls almost all the way out until his tip catches at your entrance. "Cute?" And he pushes in all the way all at once. You moan, the feeling too much, too intense for you to still keep your eyes open. Helplessly, you cling to Mingi's body as he repeats the action 4 more times before setting a steady rhythm, angling his hips in a way that should stimulate the spot you liked so much earlier.
With your mouth hanging open and your eyebrows scrunched, you look like the prettiest thing Mingi's ever seen. He wants to see you drool, watch you completely lose your mind over nothing else but his cock. At the same time, he is surprised how good it feels. Well, not surprised that it feels good, but that it feels abnormally good, like he's about to nut in the next minute or so. Hopefully, he's able to coax another high out of you before that.
"What was it that riled you up so much earlier? My voice?" He growls, and you as much as whimper in return. "Yeah, like it that my voice is so deep?" You nod pathetically. "Cute."
"Mingi- 's so good."
"Yeah, am I fucking you good?" Mingi grins and you nod weakly, struggling to keep your eyes open. Mingi really shouldn't be the one talking big because honestly, he feels like if u moan one more time, if ur walls clench around him one more time, he is going to lose it. Something about this entire situation is just super surreal to him, or maybe it's simply you that is the reason for his premature high that is coming for him with fast steps.
"Fuck, baby," he groans, kissing your cheek before whispering, "can I please cum inside?"
"Shit, y-yes," you confirm, nodding quickly as you fight your hardest battle to keep your eyes open, focused and on the man that's currently grinding his tip into your sweet spot. Mingi feels like he loves you.
Mingi also feels like he's loosing his grip on reality, which is why he grabs your hips harder than before, using his strength to really slam his hips into yours with force, drowning his thoughts with the sounds of your moans. There is nothing on his mind except for you, you, you, and the primal need to make you his.
"Please," he groans, not quite sure what he's begging for, but it doesn't really matter in the end, does it? All that matters is that Mingi's ears catch the way you're begging him to cum for you, to fill you up, to please, please finish inside. He is not going to deny you that wish.
His hips stutter, his mind goes numb as he feels his muscles tighten and contract, releasing deep inside you. The feeling spreads in his body, feeling high and happy with such a forceful orgasm like this one.
Everything after is just a blur in his mind, he just remembers realizing that you didn't cum a second time, and he wouldn't be Mingi if he kept it that way. That's why he found himself back on his knees seconds after pulling out, sucking your clit back into his mouth, tasting his own release that's threatening to drip out if it wasn't for his fast fingers pumping in and out of you to push you over the edge.
It doesn't take long until you do, orgasm fueled by the lewd action of Mingi eating his own cum out of you, he assumes. Somehow, you two end up in his bed after, mostly because Mingi is a cuddler, partly because Mingi is not able to let you go yet. Or ever. Who knows.
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#mingi smut#ateez mingi smut#song mingi smut#ateez smut#ateez fic#ateez fanfic#ateez mingi#ateez song mingi#kpop#smut#kpop smut#fem reader#ateez x reader#mingi x reader
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A Buck and A Canary
What was she doing here?
Why was she smiling at him like nothing happened?
He left their child alone!
He let her die!
He lied to her!
It has been one week since the battle at the Habin Hotel. They were starting to finish the reconstruction of the hotel when something strange happened. An angel appeared.Â
âHello! My name is Y/n Altruist, and the higher-ups of heaven have sent me to oversee the progress of the hotel!âÂ
âTHEY CHANGED THEIR MINDS!?â Charlie was practically vibrating with joy.Â
âWhy?â Vaggie asked skeptically.Â
âWell, unlike before, we have proof that your hotel works! A certain serpent has shown up in heaven!â
âSir Penitouse is alive!â everyone was filled with overwhelming joy.Â
âAlsoâ
Y/n bowed in respect.Â
âI deeply apologize for the exterminations. They were never supposed to happen. Sera and Adam were working alone in that sense.âÂ
Charlie grabbed her hand and helped her back up.Â
âSo really, no one knew? How is that possible?â
âThe seven virtues are the only defense against evil on Earth so they have their hands full with that, Iâm afraid. I was at the meeting and I brought up the issue as soon as I could!â
âWhy do you care so much about what happens to us? No offense, weâre really grateful you did what you did! But why?â
âWell, I'm afraid my answer is a little selfish. My husband is down here. He wasnât a good man but he was a good husband and he would have been a good father hadnât he died.â
How did an angel like her end up with someone down here?
Wait-
An angel like her?
âIm sorry, but what is your husbandâs na-â
âBirdy?â
âAlastor?â
Alastor sat uncomfortably on the plush couch in his room. Y/n sat equally as uncomfortable in a chair of a similar design. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.Â
Alastor avoided making eye contact with his wife. I mean she had to know who he truly was at this point. How could she not?
âAlastor.â
She breaks the silence.Â
âIâve missed you dearly, my darling.â
Why was she smiling?
âI know what you did, and while I canât say Iâm pleased, that doesnât change the fact that you are my husband.â
What?
âYou cherished and loved me for so many years. You took care of me and Eudora. You loved me with everything you had.â
This isnât right.
âSo, if you havenât stopped loving me in the time weâve been apart,â
No
âIâd like to be your wife still.â
Alastor finally looked at his ethereal wife. She was so good. She shouldnât be corrupted by his darkness.Â
âI left her alone.â
âSo did I.â
Y/n smiled at the man in front of her. This was her Alastor. This was the man she fell in love with. Sure, there were blazing red flags and she should probably be running for the hills. However, she canât deny the urge to be with him.Â
âIâve been watching over her.â
âYou have? How is she?â
âSheâs lived a long life. Sheâs been married to her wife for about 40 years now. She adopted three kids and has a bunch of grandkids. She had her own radio show, Al!â
âShe did?â
âShe did.â
Y/n moves to sit beside him and grabs his hand with both of hers. Alastor finally pulls her closer,
âYou deserve so much more than I am. I cursed you in life I canât let you get hurt again.â
âYou are all that I want, and if I get cursed because of it, that will have been my decision.â
She places her hand on his face, and he leans into it.Â
âMy darling Alastor, there is nothing you can do for me to stop loving you.â
âAlright, Birdy, Iâll have you for as long as you wish to stay.â
And so the Buck was reunited with his Canary. Â
A/N: Hi! I hope you liked the last part of Alastor's Birdy! If you have scenarios you would like me to write with this au, just send me an ask and ill get to it as soon as I can!
Taglist: @crazed-flower, @nanamunath, @preferably-fictional, @eccedentesiast-sapphic, @leximus98, @cupidsgift, @mag-chan, @stygianoir, @thereeallink, @yelloeukulele, @mariaclarade-la-cruz1, blurpleuni-squid, @galaxywing-has-adhd, @just-here-reading, @deez-nuts0, @strawberry-gothic, @purplerose291,@1-800-mocha, @trashbin-nie, @queenmizuki, @nkirukaj @bennythebitch @otherthoughtsofbu, @fantasycantasy, @hunnybee11626, @notally-tormal, @valerie-36, @lovingyeet, @holographicage, @har-har-harvey, @i-love-jafar, @cupidsgift, @meow-meowo, @theblueslytherin, @deadt3tinside, @lyralibra, @the-unhinged-raccoon, @avitute, @alastorswifeee, @stygianoir, @sideshow-b0b, @deadlymouse123, @mysingularitybts, @emotionalfangirl2002, @t0xic1vi, @goodlittlepup, @starsatmyhome, @wendds, @reader3, @redfoxgotlost, @hurthermore, @frostychurro @isa-dragon
#hazbin hotel#x reader#x reader fic#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin alastor#alastor altruist#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#alastor x reader#alastor#rory writes#alastor x angel!reader
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how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me
Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D
It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":
How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)
Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price
These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.
In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.
So with that out of the way...
I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.
I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.
He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.
It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.
So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.
I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.
Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.
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As an Ao3 author, I love giving headcanons that'd probably anger a certain side of the Batman fandom, but I personally don't care because it makes great angst and, again, I'm an Ao3 author and chronically ill!
First up! Dick Grayson, I like the idea of him having ADHD, of course, BUT... joint hypermobility syndrome.
(Joint Hypermobility Syndrome: Joint hypermobility syndrome is a connective tissue disorder. Thick bands of tissue (ligaments) hold your joints together and keep them from moving too much or too far out of range. In people with joint hypermobility syndrome, those ligaments are loose or weak. If you have joints that are more flexible than normal and it causes you pain, you may have joint hypermobility syndrome.)
Chronic pain fits him, don't ask, because as the eldest child with chronic pain and hypermobiltiy syndrome, trust, he has that look in his eye that he's been walking on swollen knees for the past twelve hours, had three mental breakdowns, and is still pushing through because SOMEBODY has to deal with this bull.
That's also the reason he wears freakin' spandex-- only, it's for compression! He wears compression items to help with swelling and pain TRUST, and let me have this because the math maths (it probably doesn't, but let me have this.)
He's got chronic fatigue, he's gotten used to popping dislocated joints back into place, Bruce was so confused how he dislocated and sprained so many bones so quickly when out as Robin. It's genetic, of course, Bruce finds. But he has money, and Dick powers through it all! Till he develops arthritis in his early thirties/ late twenties and actually hates everything because WHAT AND WHY--
---
Next up! JASON TODD! I have no proof, evidence, and it doesn't have to make sense but I like giving him asthma sometimes for the angst potential of if he didn't have it, he wouldn't have died in the explosion.
He didn't die from said explosion, nor JUST the smoke inhalation, but because he had an asthma attack, on the ground, bones broken, unable to breath because his inhaler did NOT survive the blast, if he even had it on him.
And that's why he wears helmet with so, so many filters in it now...
Also, being a street kid who struggles to even get his medication that keeps him alive? Peak angst, being to poor to afford your medication because the American healthcare system is actually trashy garbage.
R.I.P. Jason Todd, you would've loved clean air--
---
ANEMIC TIM DRAKE! But I up you, Tim Drake with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)
(POTS: Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes your heart to beat faster than normal when you transition from sitting or lying down to standing up. Itâs a type of orthostatic intolerance.)
Read ONE SINGLE FIC/ SERIES with this and I've loved it since because what do you mean he randomly falls asleep anywhere? No, forget your canon, he passed out and people think he just fell asleep... NOpe, he passed out, sorry random lady he was on a date with!
(The majority of people are AFAM but we aren't ready for my trans Tim headcanons yet either.)
(Youâre at a higher risk of developing POTS after experiencing the following stressors:
Significant illnesses, such as viral illnesses like mononucleosis or serious infections.
Physical trauma, such as a head injury.)
Ngl, my dude gets a LOT of physical trauma (and mental--) also, losing a spleen? Surgery and at risk of viral illnesses? I'm sorry, but I need him to suffer more because I like when Tim Drake suffers horribly.
Now, despite having this condition, I am no expert, but also his caffiene/ energy drink addiction is from chronic fatigue, he shouldn't drink it, it's not healthy or good for him, but he stopped caring between the spleen loss and whatever the "Drake" run he did was because what even was that name?--
---
Damian is autistic and I will DIE ON THAT HILL--
No, I won't explain and you can't make me.
---
#headcanons#batman#bruce wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#jason todd#damian wayne#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#pots#pots syndrome#hypermobility#asthma#angst
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Does Ianthe Have a (Deadly) Disease? [Theory]
This is a theory which occured to me last night (while I was half asleep), but the more I think about it, the more sense it seems to make! Could Ianthe have a - possibly even deadly - disease? The following post will be a collection of hints my brain collected under the rubric "possibly connected to Ianthe's birth". (While I'm still not sure if all that is connected to her womb situation btw, that's just the collection title.) In this post I will talk about her Mysterious Anaemia, her Weakness (TM), her Knowledge about deadly diseases, her view on the Death, and the reason(s) her parents "risked intervention". So let's go!
The Mysterious Anaemia
The first thing that strikes me as odd in this context is... Ianthe's anaemia. Ianthe canonically has anaemia. Gideon calls her "the anaemic twin" all the time, and (what's of course the more telling hint, since Gideon has actually no clue of medical things) she is really as pale as the dead. Actually, she must have a really severe kind of anaemia, because she is described as having skin the color of "canned butter" and mustard".
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8d27b070896daec9de9c656752ed9c0b/e4371be43b050bba-84/s540x810/7c9d1813bc36c10930acbad8088d0d4586dcabbf.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/921fc076582c6c9e9f3efa21083f9494/e4371be43b050bba-e3/s540x810/aee7a27857dd9dc837d1591d9b36d4c54e0394ab.jpg)
(For your rememberance: this is what canned butter and mustard look like:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/46ca9b628e7b14b69948513d4338c26f/e4371be43b050bba-a5/s540x810/1839c26b66d91f520182fc7e2328becdbdfa6d76.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c3d3f0d87fe6300bc9cdc213c62523da/e4371be43b050bba-79/s540x810/29aa06b44371ea1bd9b8215e516ff41336523fd6.jpg)
)
I know, it's easily to forget, and fandom artists almost never show her that way but it IS no exaggeration. White people with severe anaemia really look like that.
And it can't have diet reasons (if she doesn't have some kind of eating disorder). Harrow says that "she couldn't actually be anaemic based on her diet" (Yes, Harrow apparently doesn't know that anaemia can have other causes as well. Maybe because of her lacking knowledge about The Flesh):
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a7731c8e9f145140373006aabf9505bd/e4371be43b050bba-ef/s540x810/7680e3b7c0466af3251c145e38d9f007b8ec7605.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5103378b5a9dd9041bd9a8a7a30be5dd/e4371be43b050bba-d0/s540x810/7e0f535455433cf8382326c1e9226b8fe1a8ee29.jpg)
Anaemia can actually have two reasons (strongly simplified):
Wrong Diet
It can be the symptom of an other disease
(Next to the obvious thing: blood loss. I actually considered if she could maybe do some permanent necromancy, maybe connected to Corona - but I doubt it, since Harrow could easily look through the Protesilaus thing, and would probably notice it.)
That's a pretty strong hint that she could have some kind of (deadly?) disease.
The Weakness (TM)
The second hint is not only a hint to that Mysterious Disease, but also another proof for the anaemia. It's the corporal weakness Corona explains (and declares to be casual necromancer Weakness):
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8c7e1b478743dcd7e951a386190742dc/e4371be43b050bba-d5/s540x810/56ae2f1c5dce42e9273eafb8214b254854a4426b.jpg)
I know nothing about you, but... To me it sounds (even for a necromancer) oddly "weak". I mean, that's of course only assumption, because we know nothing about specific about necromancer-strenght. (I mean, even Harrow can hold her arms up long enough to paint her face.) And sure, Gideon mocks Harrow all the time for the fact that she can't swing her two-hÀnder... But that's an overmanshigh sword, which is probably even twice as big as Harrow, Ianthe's hair is surely lighter. And it's also an oddly specific (AND therefore probably true) example.
And it's also a symptom of anaemia:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6c5a4810ed8198e91ad324518ff660cc/e4371be43b050bba-d3/s540x810/1b05c5677171bd6aa59770206220291e9227f9c4.jpg)
But maybe it's a symptom of the Mysterious Disease as well?
PS: Another interesting thing is that Corona - apparently! - doesn't know about the exact symptoms of anaemia. It could be that she doesn't know about the (suspected!) disease as well.
PPS: As a person who made A WHOLE POST about the possibility of Ianthe having ADHD I should know that she fulfills another symptom of heavy anaemia named decreased attention. (My theory still stands though! Although there may be overlaps of "symptoms", there are still some things about her I can only explain to me with her having ADHD.)
PPPS: Her fucked up sleep rythm is also an indicator for heavy anaemia. (As well as for ADHD btw.)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/fb5314f1ab88345a21a4111566ecdb10/e4371be43b050bba-90/s540x810/ee574ae12adca7e7d283ef55956458ceab2047e2.jpg)
Knowledge About Deadly Diseases
Another thing which strikes me as odd is her knowledge about deadly diseases. And I'll admit, indeed, at first, it seems as if she'd know nothing more than necromancer gossip.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e45134185e0a3b12d060567e51570d36/e4371be43b050bba-3f/s540x810/c49d46f671d872f6470c7da065a0c53705074777.jpg)
But Palamedes chronically underestimates her. And a little later, "Dulcinea" mentions a secret of the Seventh House, connected to the "perfect death". She says this:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c83d693332a0177a6d8b0b4f363c4723/e4371be43b050bba-16/s540x810/5a4d73b473745c7094e84f87dac2be4eb8002691.jpg)
That could of course be a lie... (Especially since the context she says it in - about how she apparently want to have animated Protesilaus -is definitely not true lol) But it could also be true! Just because Cytherea lies about her identity, it doesn't mean that she lies all the time about everything. (I mean, it IS strange that a whole House would build up its reign on a family of shortliving people with blood cancer, if it does NOT bring any necromantic advantange, isn't it?) What offers the interesting question if Ianthe knows that secret of the "perfect death" as well... (And therefore more than Palamedes here!)
But a topic about which she certainly knows more than Palamedes - or anyone else in the room - is thanergy transfer. And she seems - for some reason - to think that an thanergy transfer of a person as sick as "Dulcinea" was possible. Even after she's been "corrected" by Palamedes before:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4af164400fc4bbf5b82206c7305c46d6/e4371be43b050bba-ac/s540x810/41fb8e582f8af3ac8fbb8e67ae2af8cb149bd7aa.jpg)
Why does she think that? And why has she even knowledge about this case of thanergy transfer? That's an oddly specific and very strange nerd theme - at least for a perfectly healthy person. (And regarding the fact, that she is - unlike Palamedes - NO "medical" necromancer, and therefore doesn't need that knowledge for her "job".) I find the study of such cases to be a very strong hint to her own health.
PS: I don't know how I should put that, it's also obviously no main point, but while we're on Gideon the Ninth: I find it interesting that she never discriminates Cytherea for her disability. I find that interesting, because it IS something you could expect of her. (Since she is not very sensitive with Harrow's mental health in HtN.) And we even have someone who does it: Silas. She does not. I think it wouldn't be so strange if she had a personal relationship to it. (But maybe she's only afraid of Cytherea... I mean, I understand, she is creepy as hell!)
Pain Tolerance
One other thing that makes me think of Ianthe as having some disease is her absurdly high pain tolerance... We see it in the whole second book! For example in the scene where she stabs Harrow's, but also her own hand:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/21c5e2ce59f979e53814a6355d2192bb/e4371be43b050bba-16/s540x810/19af91972c928217aa21c75e5ba0e4395fe4486e.jpg)
She doesn't even flinch.
And here another example: I mean, obviously she feels pain during the whole arm scene, cutting off an arm, and letting regrow it is apparently a process which is very painful and which even she perceives...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5f93235f91b18a4587848ad6d93c3316/e4371be43b050bba-0c/s540x810/b0d0ca9b558af027ab31efb7bfa79b4fefe8e1c0.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/79515df354a28945e06fce0e85981aa9/e4371be43b050bba-95/s540x810/7a8a63b33679317cea6aa1f5c3ad736d2020b6d5.jpg)
(Although her reactions are of course, uuuum, interpretable. But she feels SOMETHING, okay?) BUT we have an other scene which pretty much implies that she has thought about cutting of her arm herself, and look if it regrows:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bd737281b07b67ddad390293b98160e8/e4371be43b050bba-5c/s540x810/79717a69225b3f31e269f7b2893c2e6547330a9e.jpg)
(I mean, she takes Harrow serious her. It looks to her like an acceptable option.) My point is, that you need an incredibly high pain tolerance to even CONSIDER that... (To be fair, she hasn't much choice here, but together with the other things I can still see a pattern.)
And that lets me think of something @thanergetic-hyperlinks reminded me of, when I mentioned her pain "resistance" for the first time. PAIN PATIENTS can in fact develop a higher pain tolerance. And... without the context I probably wouldn't think about it, but now I do... could Ianthe be one?
Dying as a Skill Issue
One thing that's actually pretty obvious about Ianthe is (as soon as you've noticed it once) that she... seems to think of dying some kind of Skill Issue. We see it for example in her reception of Abigal's death:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2c32f26839a948f01a9891cea0df104f/e4371be43b050bba-70/s540x810/b9b7f1ad91b20c483c205b55264f6738ddf29473.jpg)
Abigail didn't die because Cytherea murdered her, but because she brought her husband. Because she did something wrong. And Ortus OBVIOUSLY didn't die because he was murdered as well, but because he was too sad.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f82d6f25f9f0d743f1c94a3f880984f0/e4371be43b050bba-da/s540x810/4903bb12b179ac4c0a5daf97e0720d855f2da007.jpg)
She leds back dying to a lack of personal qualities. Dying is for suckers.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/cd625fa76537df38e4493b60cc5cf6ef/e4371be43b050bba-02/s540x810/4be8abb702cc96a10970a8840bf614ff05b195ca.jpg)
This idea is... a little bit strange to be honest, and it makes me think... could Ianthe believe that, because she has...a serious problem on the dying side? Because she's facing it, and fears to fail? Is that the reason she wants to become a Lyctor so desperately? (And maybe even some kind of God?)
She was Allowed to Survive
Let's come to the last point! This is about a talk Ianthe and Silas have in Gideon the Ninth. They talk about Ianthe's womb situation, that she'd been about to die, and that her parents risked "intervention". Silas then basically asks why her parents didn't let Corona "kill" her, because that would have made necromantically much more sense than saving her. (Rude, btw)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3745896200e5da19745a92583e553986/e4371be43b050bba-67/s540x810/bfb46f5a527da18c3860f0fd1da05e10f54794c0.jpg)
(Btw, now that I read this scene again I see that there's something super-off with the way Ianthe says that. Either she's lying here or she is hiding something. In any way it seems to be a VERY unconvenient theme for her! It reminds me very much of the Gaslighting scene - only in regard to the vibes.)
And I don't believe for a single second, that her parents did it for her. The Idan monarchs seem to be quite awful people. The main reason why she was allowed to survive is probably that her father wanted a Necromancer Pair as power symbol. The Third is all about show, and they did probably prefer the gleam of two twin necromancers over one more powerful one. (To their luck actuall, because whatever Corona did, it obviously didn't give her the expected powers.)
But I can't help but wonder... if the Mysterious Disease played a role as well? Especially regarding the fact that deadly sick people apparently have a reputation as "the perfect necromancers" among necromancers! Was there any reason to assume, that Ianthe would be especially powerful? Either because of a side effect of her birth situation? And/Or because of... the "promise" of a deadly disease? Why did her parents risk intervention? Silas doesn't seem to think it was a good idea...
Conclusion
Does Ianthe have a (possibly even deadly) disease? I'll be honest... It's possible. There are circumstances which are definitely suspicious, and her desperate wish to become immortal is definitely remarkable. I feel as if we'd miss an important piece. But maybe there is no disease! I wouldn't know, I'm neither a doctor or a biologist! (If you are, please share your thoughts if you have any, I'm genuinly interested) Maybe it all is some necromantic thing that hasn't even to do with our real world at all. And I don't know if it's connected to her birth, although I find a few hints to be there for that as well... To conclude, maybe Ianthe has a deadly disease, it's definitely suspicious, I love her, I love you, thanks for reading, mwah :3
#the thing with Ianthe is also: she is EXACTLY the kind of person who would be dead sick and don't tell it to anybody#even if she'd suffer TERRIBLY from it. because she never can't allow herself to be vulnerable#ianthe tridentarius#the locked tomb#tlt meta#tlt spoilers#tlt theory
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April 30th is the Day of the Homeschooled Child
I was one of the 1.7 million children homeschooled in the USA.
I am also one of Homeschool's Invisible Children.
I was heavily restricted at home - I was barred from nearly everything that my peers were connecting with. I had incredibly limited access to movies and TV, even more restricted internet access, and was even barred from many of the same toys my peers played with. This on top of my academic isolation made socializing very hard.
I didn't relate to my peers socially.
Children younger than me were more academically advanced than me.
I was socially unaware, and frequently missed jokes or made faux pas comments because I didn't understand how to interact with peers.
My ADHD went untreated my entire childhood.
And the issues were not only social. Despite living in a state that boasted some of the most rigorous checks for homeschooled students, I was missed. My portfolios every year were falsified - much of what they claimed I had learned I had little to no understanding of.
By the time I graduated high school "with honors" (that I did not earn and were entirely false), this is a brief list of some of my academic failings:
I had never written an essay, and did not know how
I did not know how to do a critical analysis of a piece of text or media
I was incapable of math above a 4th/5th grade level
I could not tell time on an analog clock
I could not identify more than ~5 states on a map of the United States
I could not identify more than ~5 countries on a map of the world/globe
I could not spell above a ~6th grade level
I did not know that there was proof of life on earth prior to dinosaurs
I did not know that the lymphatic system was real
And so much more.
I entered college woefully unequipped for both the academic and socal demands that were placed on me. At 18, I was closer to as 14 year old, social/emotionally. Academically I was much worse.
I had to work three times as hard as my peers to achieve the same results, battled my still-undiagnosed ADHD as well as my academic and social neglect.
I didn't fully know who I even was as a person, due to spending so many years being expected to fit a specific ideal that was enforced upon me 24/7 through the isolation of homeschooling.
This April 30th, I'm wearing green for Homeschool's Invisible Children - for children like me.
If you are a child experiencing homeschool neglect, please know that you are not alone. There are resources available to you, and your future is not doomed just because your guardians failed to educate you. I'm listing some resources below that may be of help to you.
Homeschool alumni/survivors who resonate with this story: we deserved better. We deserved education. We deserved freedom. It's okay if you're angry at your past. It's okay if you're grieving the life you might have had without homeschooling. It's okay if you're conflicted. I hope you're able to find closure and healing in whatever form that means for you.
And, because I know it unfortunately needs to be said, if you're an ex-homeschooler or a homeschool parent who feels the need to jump on this post and defend yourself, I need you to step back, sit down, delete your comment, and sit with why you feel so attacked by our truth.
This is not a personal attack on you - this is abuse survivors speaking up to prevent further abuse. It is not your place to tell us we should be silent.
"But homeschoolers test better and are more successful!" I'm sure you're dying to say. To wave your statistics at me.
And you would be wrong. Because here's the problem with those statistics.
Let's pretend we have ten homeschooled children and ten public schooled children.
All ten of the public schooled children take a school assessment. Because some excel at different things than others, the public school students average out to an 85.
Only four of the homeschooled children take the assessment. Of the other six, one is traveling with their family during the assessment, two are not permitted because their parents know they aren't up to grade level and fear backlash or judgement, two are mentally or physically disabled and so their parents don't feel the test will adequately display their knowledge, and the last hasn't received any kind of education in years because their parents keep them at home either doing chores, working a job, caring for siblings, or they are simply neglected and spend all day hungry and scared.
Of the four homeschooled children that do take the assessment, they do quite well, as their parents knew/suspected they would. Their average score is a 98.
A 98 is better than an 85, yes. But just because 4 out of 6 homeschooled children were above the public school average does not mean homeschooling is automatically better. If you tested the top four public school students, they might very well score a 98 as well.
However, if you included those other six homeschooled students, the average homeschool score would very likely be something closer to a 45.
So when we talk about Homeschool's Invisible Children, we're talking about those six that never got the chance to take an assessment. Those six who never had a chance to tell a teacher "I'm ten and I don't know how to read". Those six who may not even realize how far behind their peers they are. Those six who deserved to have access to supports so that they could learn in ways that actually met their needs.
So while your statistics look good on paper, they are not honest. They do not present the full picture of homeschooling. Listen to the homeschool survivors who were one of those six kids who never got to make their voices heard. We have a voice now - don't try and take it from us.
Resources for current homeschool students and alumni:
Khan Academy - basically free online self paced K-12 classes. They have fantastic explanation videos for the lessons, you can review them whenever you want, and you don't have to stay in the same grade level for every subject - great if you're trying to catch up and you're in 6th grad for English but 2nd for math. They have courses besides just core classes (math/english/science/etc), too! They run on donations, but it's completely free to use. Also, this site is used in my local public school system to supplement the existing curriculum, so it's not just for homeschoolers!
Coalition for Responsible Home Education - actively fighting for more oversight and restrictions on homeschooling in the USA. They mostly do awareness and advocacy, but they also have resources on their site for things like what to do if you don't have a high school transcript. They run on donations, but the information is freely available.
Probably the most famous resource on this list. Videos that give you a "crash course" (aka a condensed overview) of a wide variety of topics. These are best used as supplement to more structured lessons like Khan Academy, but they have a lot of merit on their own if they're all you can manage. Knowing a bit about something is better than knowing nothing about it!
#homeschool survivor#homeschool abuse#homeschool alumni#homeschooling#homeschool#day of the homeschooled child#homeschool's invisible children#coalition for responsible home education#crhe#make homeschool safe
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Unhinged theory
Sanemi and Giyuu are exes (Part 2)
Ok so this part is just spoilers galore but if you don't mind then ok. Here's part one.
The second beginning
During the final battle after they have both unlocked their demon slayer marks. They are more open with each other, Sanemi has learned to trust others and Giyuu has learned to trust himself and Sanemi throwing the sword is awesome for him because it's Sanemi telling him that 'I trust you, don't let me down!' and Giyuu thinks 'Yes! I'll do my best!'. The previous training that they've done now comes into play because they know each other's moves and are able to fight together seamlessly!
The last shot of them eating Giyuu's favorite dish together not only calls back to Sanemi's offer, but I feel that it's also a way for Giyuu to begin opening up, like he's telling Sanemi 'This is me' and that he wants Sanemi back and wants to mend their relationship.
The side eye Sanemi's giving Giyuu is so funny because he seems wary. I can just imagine their conversation.
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Sanemi: You'd better not fuck this up again, or I will leave your ass for good.
Giyuu (already playing the part of the whipped husband): Yes, dear.
Some proof
Like I said in the Part 1, I already talked about the romantic undertones in Giyuu's attempts to connect with Sanemi by his body language and expressions. It's obvious Giyuu wants him and now that Tanjiro has touched his heart a second time, he now has a stronger understanding of his emotions and what he wants.
Here, I'll list a bunch of tidbits that point to them having a previous relationship.
Giyuu and Tanjiro's discussion about Sanemi post coma-inducing punch should've stopped at theories as to what type of bean paste he likes, but they kept on talking about him. I don't think Giyuu would do that if he didn't know more stuff about Sanemi, maybe through their past interactions, his own observations or both.
Giyuu describes Sanemi as grumpy and hot-tempered in the Corps records, contrast this with his thoughts on Obanai. He feels sad and doesn't know why our snek boy doesn't like him but with Sanemi the short description he gives is similar to one I would give about someone I'm familiar who has a major flaw that I can't ignore that makes it hard for me to connect with them.
How did Sanemi know where Giyuu's training grounds were? Even Tanjiro who has spent a considerable time with Giyuu still needed a map for directions. You might argue that Sanemi's crow probably told him where Giyuu's place is, but neither of their crows are present during the entire scene. So Sanemi has to have known where, which means he's probably been there before and has sparred with him in the past.
I've talked about how their fight was similar to a conversation than actual training, and the way that they're able to perfectly counter and dodge each other's moves tells me that this isn't their first time sparring. There's also Sanemi's demeanor during the fight, in his training with Obanai and Muichiro, he was serious but with Giyuu he's...smiling? He was enjoying himself, even his taunts to Giyuu had a playful edge to it. It's like he's happy to be sparring with an old friend.
Giyuu's lack of reaction when Sanemi suggests that they beat each other up. He doesn't seem threatened, it's like he knows that Sanemi isn't actually going to hurt him and based on Sanemi's annoyance at Tanjiro coming between them, there's a small chance that Sanemi might have been joking and Giyuu knew it. It wasn't as big of a deal as Tanjiro made it out to be.
In Conclusion, Sanemi and Giyuu probably have history, which is why the vibes between them feel like they're an old, married couple.
*Yes, I am crazy and yes, this is an ADHD, 4 hours of sleep, caffeine-induced breakdown. Their relationship is my current hyperfixation, and I'm going to make it everyone's problem đ. It's all Ufotable's fault.
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#sanemi shinazugawa#giyuu tomioka#kny spoilers#sanegiyuu#sanemi x giyuu#kny anime#giyuusane#kny ships#kimetsu gakuen#kny memes#just unhinged#sanemi#shinazugawa sanemi#kny sanemi#demon slayer sanemi#giyuu#kny giyuu#demon slayer giyuu#tomioka giyuu#unhinged theory
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You fake your own death and hide because someone is after you and you want to keep abby and lev safe, but abby doesn't believe you're gone and she finds you. Can you write about the moment she finds 6ou and confronts you and you guys reunite?
an - Breaking my own heart with this one, half of it was inspired by "I bet on loosing dogs" by Mitski and the other inspiration was that one scene in httyd 2 where stoick sees his wife again, hope you like it!
Tags: fucking sad man, there is hurting and there is comfort dw, girls loving each other (we love to see it), fem!reader, lightly proof read because I'm out of my adhd meds and my inspiration went with it
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"You're As Beautiful As The Day I Lost You" - Abby Anderson x Reader
You were told that youâd never be found.
You knew this meant giving up Abby and Lev, but it was to keep them safe, and you would rather them to be safe then cost their lives by being selfish.
Itâs been a quiet life in this isolated place, those monsters couldnât find you, that group of rouges couldnât find you. You had learned to live with it, and have done so for five years now.
That doesnât mean you ever let your guard down, so when you were washing dishes in the sink and heard a creak in the floorboards behind you, you wasted no time pulling the hidden gun from under the counter and quickly aiming at the intruder.
But this wasnât an intruderâŠthis was the one person you would never even dare to harm.
AbbyâŠ
You take in a shaky breath as you slowly lower the gun, staring at her as she does the same with her own.
âAbbyâ you say while examining her, already reciting the apology you have wanted to say for years but thought youâd never get the chance to.
âI know I left you alone, and Iâm so sorry, I had to keep you and Lev safe.â your words donât come out as confident as you want them to under the blondeâs unwavering stare, âI didnât have a choice with those rouges coming after me and I knew if they ever found me then I would loose both of you and I wasnât going to let that happenâ
You didnât realize that you were crying until you felt a tear roll down your cheek, you look at Abby as she still says nothing and simply looks at you.
âAbbyâŠsay something, anything, shout and scream at me, just say somethingâ you start to plead as you watch her walk forward and you back up until you are pressed against the counter with her slightly looming over you.
She stays quiet and brings a hand to your cheek, âYouâre as beautiful as the day I lost youâ Abby says and you finally notice the tears in the corners of her eyes.
It finally hits you that sheâs standing right there, you can feel her touch again, and it hits you hard enough that you crumple into her arms.
Abby sinks to the ground with you in her arms, holding you as tight as she can while you grip onto fistfuls of her shirt to ground yourself.
âPlease donât let me goâ you say through sobs as every emotion you have stored away these last few years finally break like a dam.
âNeverâŠnever againâ Abby murmurs into your hair as the two of you finally hold each other once again.
an - sorry if this is short! writers block has been kicking my ass and school is a whole other monster, hoping to get back into routine soon!
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A short list of things I would have changed in HoO
It takes place ten ish years after the end of PJO. Percy and Annabeth arenât a part of the seven but instead appear as cool older mentors to help out the Lost Hero trio. They both have careers and live in New York and go to Sallyâs house for dinner every weekend.
Caleo isnât a thing. In fact, letâs not even mention Calypso. At most we mention she was freed after the last war as idk proof demigods have some power or something.
More than 1 Asian character. Give this one ADHD and dyslexia bc shocker Asian kids can be disabled as well.
For that matter a properly disabled character. I have a deaf OC I would use if I rewrote the series.
Leo is aroace. His arc is about learning that his self worth doesnât have to be tied to the people around him and his friends love and care about him and he doesnât need romance to be complete. His flirting is overcompensation bc he doesnât feel romantic or sexual attraction and is afraid heâll be alone forever.
Drew and Piper become friends. Drewâs mean girl bullshit is outdated and boring and it would have been a lot cooler to see her icy exterior thaw and her help Piper with her charmspeck (explaining how Piper learned how to use it to begin with) and take on an older sister role
Neither Leo nor Piper become head councilors to their cabins because thatâs dumb
Keep the chapter title style from PJO. It was so fun and one of the highlights of the series for me. The relatable nature of PJO in general was kinda lost in HoO and itâs a shame bc there was such a variety of characters for people to identify with there.
Give Reyna a girlfriend or at least a homoerotic friendship that can become an actual relationship in the next series or something
Frank is 14 and he and Hazel arenât dating, they just have mutual baby crushes on one another.
For that matter what the fuck was âFrank is magically not fat due to Marsâs blessingâ bullshit? Frank is a fat character who stays fat but learns to be confident in himself and his body type.
Stop The Adultification of Hazel 2k23. Hazel is 13, sheâs the youngest member of the seven and despite her trauma I think that should be obvious. I think emphasizing her relationship with Nico could be fun here - heâs in his 20s so him taking a more âthat older sibling who toes the line between parent and siblingâ role here could be fun.
Also, I donât want Hazel to have Hecateâs blessing or whatever. Between her being a magical horsegirl and the daughter of Pluto thereâs already a lot of room to expand on her powers that was never used - I think doing more with her cursed jewels and metals powers and her learning the other aspects of her powers, like Shadow Travel, would be fun.
Instead I think having a daughter of Hecate as a part of the Seven would be cool, because we could still have a witchy character with mist manipulation and magic powers.
Give Jason an actual personality, please. Broâs been a child solider practically since age 2 and has spent his whole life with the weight of other teenagersâ lives on his shoulders as praetor - give him perfectionism issues and anxiety. Weâre told that heâs spent his whole life helping others compromise instead of being his own person - show that. Let his arc end with him deciding to try and live a mortal life and find out who he is beyond being a war general.
Show us that Octavianâs a piece of shit, donât just tell us.
Leo and Piper are the ones who fall into Tartarus. Nothing romantic ever happens but we get heavy emphasis on their friendship and we get to see their grief over Leoâs mom and Piperâs grandfather respectively
Piperâs grandfather has died a few months ago and she cut her hair herself when her dad didnât want to let her due to that (correct me if Iâm wrong but itâs a tradition in Cherokee culture to cut your hair when a loved one dies, correct?), which is why itâs all uneven. A lot of her insecurities stem from going from growing up in rural Oklaholma (not in a reservation bc there arenât any there) without much money to suddenly being catapulted into a millionaire Hollywood lifestyle and having everyone criticize everything about her and be really racist, all while her Dad drew farther away from both her and her grandfather. Her arc would be reconnecting with both her culture and Dad and learning to find who she is and her self worth again.
They defeat Gaea in a way that isnât so anticlimactic and fucking stupid
#if anyone else wants to add on feel free to#heroes of olympus#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#hoo#riordan universe#piper mclean#leo valdez#jason grace#percy jackson#annabeth chase#hazel levesque#frank zhang#reyna avila ramirez arellano#reyna arellano#heroes of olympus critical#hoo criticism#octavian
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i kinda wish this fandom would stop claiming characters like shin obvioulsy has autism or depression and just stop at that . Why do people in every fandom always like give autism or ike adhd or like anxiety or deprssion for characters and never go further while the characters clearly show signs of either personality disorders or like mood disorders. idk how you can finish the game and not realise shin suffers from some form of psychosis or skizoaffective dissorder. There is way and i mean WAY more proof of shin having a personality disorder than him having autism yet people only care about the autism part? You have the total right to believe shin has autism and relate to him in that way but like idk sometimes i feel like a lot of people are missing out on the clear cluster disorder reading of his character. pehaps it is projection? Afeter all from my stats a lot of shin fans are themselves autistic/adhd but it kind feels like people really know anything about other disorders sometimes. Its a bit sad honestly. I'm still thankful to those who make readings that way it really warms my heart has somoene who lives from a probable (going in therapy for it) cluster or mood disorder. i kinda wish we had more accurate rep and i think character like shin really represent my daily struglles as someone who lives everyday with mood regulation issues and paranoia than he could ever represent my autism. Idk if this makes like any sense what i wrote but yeah.
should i ever make a post about this like a full lenght analisis
#yttd#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#shin tsukimi#anyone who akes analysis of shin characters with bpd/did/schizophrenia etc i love you thank you#i get the apea of shin with autism but like i feel like it could be more#this post isn't in anyway a hate post toward the headcanon just a thoughtpiece#honestly ocd might even be a more logical reading than autism sometimes
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I feel mean criticizing an author's old work that they've deliberately buried, but sheesh the dialogue in Rachel's old stuff is really stilted. As awkward as LO's writing is, it honestly does show some improvement, so like...good for Rachel I guess?
I mean, it hasn't really improved though? Normally no, I wouldn't criticize someone's older work because by the virtue of something being old, it will naturally be improved upon and shouldn't be judged against what's created in the present (trust me, as someone with work from 10 years ago that hasn't aged well, I get it LOL).
But what's in the present... has all the same issues. I think it's easy to convince ourselves LO's writing is "better" because it relies on Greek myth to piece itself together, but when you aren't filling in the blanks for her based on assumptions made from the source material (which you shouldn't have to do) her writing in LO still doesn't have much to offer. Like, can we really call this an improvement?
If anything the writing in LO got even worse over time because it started to feel like ChatGPT was writing the dialogue and the narrative was crumbling under the weight of Rachel's lack of foresight / planning ahead.
I mean, just to get my point across, let me ask you one simple question: What is the actual theme of LO? What is the conclusion it comes to by its end to contribute to that theme?
This isn't me trying to minimize whatever improvements she may have made between the past and present, I just don't see those improvements, and there's a lot more to suggest that she was a lot more prolific 20 years ago as an artist than she is today. All of that stuff about Persephone / herself being a "workaholic" is based on stuff she went through 20 years ago that she doesn't even put on display now because it's all buried in deactivated Tumblrs and LiveJournals. But that's besides the point.
I think at best the "improvement" simply boils down to "at least she finished this one". But that's not necessarily a good thing because it's clear LO went on longer than it ever should have and that the only reason she even made it this far was because she was bound to a contract through WT. I guarantee you if it weren't for the success that WT's gave her through constantly advertising LO everywhere (and the fact that LO fit a very specific niche that was popular at the time) she would have ended LO ages ago, because just about every series she's done up until this point have been passing fancies that she's bounced between while still retaining a lot of the same tropes and crutches she always has.
LO is about a naive valley girl with mommy issues who goes to school to better herself. This is also the plot of The Doctor Foxglove Show. And while comics like Castle Castle, Woman King, and The Maiden don't involve school settings, they do still center around "girlboss" characters who hate their parents. LO isn't really an "improvement" among these tropes, just another rehashing that's hidden way better because 1.) she put it behind the veil of Greek myth and 2.) she's done everything in her power to hide the fact that she's been writing about the same pink-haired girls with mommy issues and trauma from evil men "except for that one guy who's perfect in every way" for 20+ years now.
And that issue of stilted dialogue goes way beyond even the comics. Read transcripts of her interviews or the Q&A from the end of the series that she did in her Discord and you'll see she has a really hard time finishing the thought she started on. I'm sure a lot of this can be chalked up to her ADHD / dyslexia, which is totally valid, but it just goes to show she hasn't done any work to actually improve her work in spite of her hindrances. She doesn't know how to separate Internet trolls from valid criticism and she seems to absorb any and all criticism as "proof" that she's better than everyone else, actually, and it's not her fault that other people are stupid and don't get her "vision". And I'm not pulling this assertion out of thin air, she's displayed this exact behavior before both within the LO fandom as well as her pre-existing fandoms around her other series.
Like, I can totally get the sentiment that "hate mail is a sign of success" and turning a negative into a positive, but there's a difference between deflecting hate mail from trolls and deflecting genuine criticism that's meant to identify your weaknesses and help you grow. That's what makes it all the more telling that she's built an audience around protecting and enabling her weaknesses rather than celebrating her strengths and empowering her to do better. She can't fall back on Webtoons as the only excuse for why the writing in LO is bad, her writing has always been like this and I feel like that's half the reason she's trying to hide it.
#ask me anything#ama#anon ama#anon ask me anything#tl ; dr nah she hasn't improved.. if anything she's just been more reinforced in her flaws because WT has enabled her to do the bare minimu#and because her fandom is made up of children#lore olympus critical#anti lore olympus#lo critical
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Youâre not lazy, youâre neurodivergent:
A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.
If youâre like me, youâve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, thereâs almost no-one (if anyone) whoâs actually lazy. And I promise you, if youâve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and canât get them done? You are NOT lazy.
I'll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.
Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don't enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?
Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you're working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it's the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don't necessarily have control over getting into that mode?
Hyperfocus
The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the "proof" that you're lazy. Look, if you're interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you "just make yourself" or "just focus"! Clearly you just don't want to do the thing.
I can't tell you how many days I've sat there trying to get into a zone that's eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.
But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it's not the same).
Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a "you can't have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!"
But actually, it's a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!
So, that's why hyperfocus matters in this convo.
Now onto Executive Dysfunction.
To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It's an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.
Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I'd love to hear your versions of these experiences!)
I like to describe executive dysfunction as "the start button isn't there."
Also, this isn't just for chores or boring things.
Have you ever sat there going "I want to game" but it just never happens?
I sure have!
When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can't get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc
But again, there's no start button. You just can't do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you're just lazy.
Because we want to do the thing! We do!
(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it's still not an intentional putting it off. It's more an "I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can't get myself to do it")
Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven't done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears
Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.
So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.
But this isn't true, there was no start button!
@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594
Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.
For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I'm more likely to have. a start button for something I'm doing with/for other people.
But ultimately, our brains just don't work the same.
So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we're actively making the choice not to hit start.
So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that's just. Not. There.
Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.
All of these make it so much harder.
There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.
For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.
Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.
I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.
Now? I'm spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.
And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN'T.
So.
Do you feel guilty, but you just can't start the thing?
Is there no start button?
Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?
There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.
Brains, bodies, the world we live in.
But you're not lazy.
#ADHD#executive dysfunction#hyperfocus#laziness is a myth#its the neurodivergency#neurodivergent#autism#I promise you're not alone#spoonie life
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don't let the bad news (evil executive orders, play by play of obvious corrupt schemes, etc.) tire you out but here's the thing.
this is not the time to 'wait,' or 'hunker down' or 'take a break.'
I know that fact plays havoc with people who have anxiety, or have ADHD or experience mania, etc. It can be difficult for many people to handle 'urgency' without it feeling like
they are being screamed at maximum volume to have already done 'everything'
but also to do it right now
and also they're already a failure
and also they can fail worse or harder, etc. etc.
I understand these feelings. But we must navigate urgency now and fragility is unfortunately not an option. Increasingly 'breaking' doesn't mean another adult fixes it for you, it means 'swept into the trash.' I understand that many people need support to confront this reality, but accessing that support also takes work, unlike an algorithm it will never 'find you.' Not falling through the cracks is not always voluntary but we want to maximize the cases where it is.
And we can talk about how the removal of safety nets is a strategy to ensure as many people smash against the ground as possible. But not on this post.
The thing is, there is no material difference between the behavior that a violent ruling party wants us to do (stay put due to obedience) and the action that the 'freeze' reaction to danger wants us to do (stay put to conserve energy/endure pain).
Even if we frame it as 'needing a rest' or 'self-care,' every significant delay to critical tasks is still a delay that could have an impact on us. Moving forward is self care right now, and will be community care if we do it in groups.
It is the strategy of oppression to make moving at all feel so overwhelming that you believe you only have the strength to hide away as they do whatever they want.
Many people will relinquish their autonomy this way, sometimes even actively.
the creepy tradwife lifestyle is bait for overwhelmed women, that a Husband will take half of the artificially overwhelming responsibility of independence away from you, in exchange for being a robot that automates HIS independence. Which he believes he needs, if he can't afford to pay a servant!
The military benefits when poverty is un-survivable with dead ends, to-dos, shit jobs, waiting lists, especially for people who have been screwed over education, that giving yourself to a cult seems like a good deal. They house, feed, clothe you, they give you directions in a world that abandoned you! You can trade up 'get a job lazy poor' to 'god bless you for your service!' (don't ask veterans if they can eat that.)
But being overwhelmed can still cause you to give up autonomy passively. Especially if you are alone or feel alone.
You don't need to do everything all at once but make serious (incremental, sane, well-paced) goals to do things you may want to accomplish like
get your bank account or financial stuff sorted out,
apply for a passport,
change your name/get married/similar processes,
get on unemployment (may also require proof of weekly job applications depending on where you live),
go to the doctor,
renew your lease or move house,
whatever you need to do. This isn't an exhaustive list.
Pencil in your Saturdays and don't bail, is what I mean.
Make buddies and teams.
Start a group chat.
Whatever works.
As long as it does and you can hold proof of it. Not a 'I sent an email' or 'i left a message,' you MUST follow up. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry ok. I know. You're ALREADY doing so many things, I know! Me too. I know it sounds like your parents or like "pull up your pants and clean your room!" or like someone's disappointed in you. But nobody is, or they shouldn't be. And this isn't about bootstraps: nobody will participate collectively if you don't. If you wait for there to be a puller upper group, there won't be one. you have to decide to do that thing tomorrow. Even if you're tired and did so many other things today. You have to tell your friends. I KNOW. I know.
these plans and actions will give you a 'tomorrow' and that is critical right now. It is the whole goal of those who oppose you to deny you that. To make them work for it, we have to also work for ourselves.
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when i was like 10 or 11 i got one of my moms face razors, and i was like 'omg im gonna be cool and im gonna cut myself đ'
and i did like maybe 10 cat scratches or smth i dont rlly remember
and one day my mom came in the bathroom while i was taking a shit and me being the weirdo 10 year old I was, i had my pants down to about my upper knees. my mom looked at my legs and made me stand in front of her and my step-dad in my underwear, where they promptly yelled at me for a straight 2 hours about how I was ruining my body and how i was seeking attention.
and i was clean until the end or gr 9 when i really started struggling with school and friends
i would sh quite frequently, until i went on a band trip with my friends to california (i live in canada) and they found out. but i also found out my friend had tried to commit suicide multiple times and she would sh rlly bad too
i was clean for aout 2 monthes, where out of the blue, i tried to overdose on a cocktail of anti-depressants, a shit ton of ibuprofen, some random prescription my dad had after he had a heart attack, and my enitre 2 month supply of adhd meds
i told my friends what i had done,and since i was actually scared i was gonna die, i gave them stuff to do at my funeral. against my wishes, one friend told my mum. my mum thought she was joking. my parents still dont believe i have any mental health issues, besides ADHD, even though they literally have proof i tried to kms
just a side note, my mother and i immigrated from poland when i was really young because my father had died. she remarried, and we live in canada now. from what my mum remembers, my fathers side of the family had a history of depression and alcoholism, which led to suicidal tendencies. my mums side of the family also has a lot of mental issues, and a few of my uncles have tried to commit suicide.
idk man, i guess since i moved to a richer country, that means im just unable to have issues
#cvtblr#self mutalition#depressing shit#tw s3lf harm#s3lf harn#cvtting is silly#baby beans#hitting styro#tw styro#tw sui ideation
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đȘšVenture (OW II) x (gn) reader âïž
(ALT/Goth, Mostly Goth Leaning Edition!)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/27c06deb7141e88992790d2783bfb37c/9db5207c1a1cf504-ca/s500x750/569c4748472f9c2c2f38b170905e8b9a7229e9b6.jpg)
(Pictureâs not mine!)
(Another request by @goohts , such a great supporter throughout all of this! On top of that, I have something to announce at the end of this post!)
- Right off the bat, such a great dynamic, when they first saw you they immediately went to introduce themselvesâ Compliment after compliment spilling from their lips.
- Asks you sooo many questions on how you decided on going for that style, means well of course, just wants to know the importance of it you as a person.
- If youâre a goth in particular? They definitely refer a whole lot to the extinct culture of the Goths, you knowâ The Germanic ones that wrecked the Western Roman Empire with extreme brutality and were the cause of medieval Europe emerging.
- Starts learning about the culture and history of your group so they can talk about something you like and is a part of your life.
- Dance moves? Learnt some of them so they can look âcoolâ at the Goth club with you, like that one video of that nerdy guy with the quarter that moves up and down like heâs on one of those kiddy revolving horses, (here) itâs a bit silly but itâs heartwarming nonetheless.
- Anyways, if youâre taller, shorter, or the same height, they can and will borrow some of your accessories/clothing. Cheeky about it too, as they show off what they borrowed as proof of them dating you, especially to Mauga.
- Can and will buy you things as a thank you for letting them borrow your stuff, likes buying stuff like that at a thrift storeâ That kind of stuff has personality to them.
- Piercings? They have one as well so I think theyâd be giddy to show off the various extra piercings they have in this ornate jewelry box their Abuela gave Sloane specifically for them.
- Tattoos? I think we already know the answer to this one, so proud of their own and will admire yours, asking more questions as they ask whether or not yours has meaning behind them as they touch the inked skin.
- If you ask, theyâd be up for getting some more alongside you, maybe even buy some extra piercings for you, goes in tandem with their love language of quality time and gift giving.
- All the while chattering about the history about both, theyâre just so giddy and supportive.
- Will help and encourage you to indulge in dark facts about history if youâre into that, feed into it as they take you to a morbid museum of some sort as a date, only if you let them go to a dinosaur one afterwards.
- If you do makeup, they will be astonished by it and practically beg for you to do theirs.
- Canât handle standing still for too long (firm ADHD Venture believer) but will accept kisses in between as a consolation prize for doing so. On top of watching an analysis video on rock formations, if itâs good theyâll be almost as transfixed as they are when they look at you.
- Once itâs done, there is a high chance of them coming back, makeup smeared or dirty and begging for you to do it again, will use the puppy eyes and the pouting lip tactic.
- Loves when you have your makeup on, thinks so cool and interesting on you, but they also love messing it up, if you catch my drift.
- I can just imagine after a particularly long time of Venture being away cause of their job, with a mix of smeared makeup on your faces after a making out, a smug grin on their face as they say something like, âAw did you really miss me that much?â
- Boastful as all hell when it comes to the fact that, them a goofy ass archeologist was able to bag someone like you.
- Brags about you a lot whenever you come up in conversation and jumps at the chance of taking you to their job so they show you off.
- Introducing you to other people usually goes like this, âYeah this is Reader, my partnerâ Looks absolutely amazing donât they?â All the while holding the side of your waist with one arm with a self satisfied look on their face.
(Alright!!! So, after a bit of consideration Iâm going to start writing for a character from Overwatch that Iâve really liked for years now, Junkrat! I like them dirty Ig lol.)
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