#still life editing
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today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery
#if god thinks i should get top surgery he needs to venmo me $9000 usd#there was someone in the gay social hour who said she had gotten kicked out of multiple catholic churches (for being trans)#and her therapist recommended this church specifically....#going into affirming churches still makes me a little emotional if i am being fully honest. if you have an affirming religious space#i hope you can hold onto that shit with your life#anyway. charming way to think about it i like it more than the bread and wine one personally#me#edit: to clarify this was at an episcopalian church
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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Why do I keep seeing transmascs and trans men insisting or implying that all trans men are "female socialized," or "understand the female experience," or "navigated the world as a woman." Because yeah, sure, that can be true for some people. especially if you weren't gnc at all as a kid and didn't crack your egg until well into adulthood, it makes sense.
But they don't stop at saying they had that experience. It always comes with an addendum that trans men, as a group, all can relate to this experience. I don't know about the entirety of my demographic, but I never got even a little bit of what some of them talk about. I didn't even believe that women were scared of going out at night until I kept consistently seeing them say it, online or wherever, for years. I never realized catcalling was a thing until I saw some women complaining about it on reddit.
But they posit it as some sort of, you're safer than cis men, right? You know what it's like? Which, on top of being patently, demonstrably false in the case of myself and many other trans men, holds some unpleasant and often outright hostile implications about trans women. And they always deny it, but if you can't even conceptualize someone like me who grew up gnc, and never got the bulk (or any?) of whatever we consider to be 'female socialization,' what does that say about what you think trans girls went through, growing up? I don't want to speak for them, as I've never experienced that firsthand, but I can guarantee that (if you're even a little bit obviously trans) people don't treat you like a cis kid of the opposite gender. By and large, they don't get treated like cis boys.
It just makes me mad that we're taking this inaccurate framework that (ever so conveniently) puts trans people into the box of our assumed birth gender, and trying to fancy it up and use it with a faux-progressive veneer; never mind the way that transphobes use it to bar trans women from being athletes, or using the bathroom, or having access to any gendered resources they need. It would be bad enough to try and dust it off and use it even if it were largely accurate, due to the aforementioned connections to outright transphobia, but it literally is patently false. Not in all cases, obviously, but why are we trying to revamp this untrue, inaccurate generalization and pretend that we can make it 'trans-inclusive?'
#o.#trans#transphobia#transmisogyny#I may or may not be talking about a specific post I saw that made me irritated but I didnt wanna get in an argument with internet strangers#sorry guys I'm still heated over freaking collin allred capitulating to ted cruz and throwing trans girls under the bus bc he didnt have the#guts to stick to his morals#and called them ''this idiotic business with boys in girls sports'' or some crap#as if trans girls don't deserve to play the sports they love. like I imagine if they blocked trans men from being physicists or something#and I just wasn't able to pursue the career I want? that would destroy me#and I still had to vote for him because the other options were ted cruz and some freaking libertarian.#sorry thats all tangential but can we not use the same rhetoric that all these politicians do as an excuse to kick trans women out of public#life PLEASE 🙏#...also I really hate the Popular Transmasc Ideology that says that we all experience life as basically the same as a cis woman & never have#to navigate having male privilege & being an ally to women#and all have some sort of Innate Connection to femaleness or womanhood or whatever bc 'obviously' we all grew up just like girls do#ugh#this one's going out there sans editing so dont yell at me if I worded smth weird please 🙏
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the *other* part! i felt the need to draw this one too, considering the events of the latest episode...
(for @cherrifire 's dtiys! again)
/also, small thing; you can see where i messed up a bit on grian's face (that's just the downside of using biros to draw with)
#i did do this in a different order to the other piece#but still#besides i was thinking about watching skizz's pov as i kinda wanted to see how far he could go#but i guess thats not happening how i thought now :v#anyway!#my art#art#drawing#sp7 does art things#traditional art#skizzleman#skizzleman fanart#grian#grian fanart#mumbo jumbo#mumbo fanart#trafficblr#wild life smp fanart#wild life fanart#wild life smp#sorry for the ramble in my tags i will probably do it again#sp7's rambling tag#cherridtiysnail#(EDIT: HOW TF DID I FORGET TO TAG THAT?!)
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Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
#bucky barnes#winter soldier#alexander pierce#catws#catwsedit#marvel#marveledit#filmedit#my edit#hydra trash party#mcufam#usertammy#usermal#userashe#userdorka#usersvenja#usermalin#tuseraud#unearthlydust#tenyearsoftrash#happy anniversary to the scene that birthed a fandom and changed my life#the slap heard round world#now in HD#if you look really closely at the 4th gif you can see his eye twitch!#which I never noticed before#I only noticed it now because I manually stabilized the horrible shakycam#10 years later and still learning fun new details#✨
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she’s like if the virgin mary smoked a pack of pall malls every day 🚬
#sims 4#the sims community#simblr#ts4#sims 4 edit#mysims#drawing/editing these tears took actual years off my life#editing this in general did but the tears were my hell#her name is norma jean named after her grandmother but she goes by either jeanie or jj#she works at the local convenience store and bartends at night when shes able to pick up shifts#shes the worst bartender in existence and refuses to lift anything over 2 pounds#she once convinced a customer to buy her a sweater because she looked a little cold while working#she lied and said her manager never lets them turn on the heat and casually mentioned pennys was selling her favorite sweater#and then described in detail exactly where the sweater was in the store#all she had to do was blink her big brown eyes and call them baby a few times and they immediately folded#she goes to church 7 days a week even though she hates it because that's what she did when her mom was still alive#and its one of the few things that helps her feel close to her mom#her mom died after she had to drop out of highschool to take care of her#she holds a lot of resentment for having to give up such a big part of her life#but at the same time blames herself for not being able to make her mom better#she doesnt believe in banks and hides money around her house to store it but she's also super forgetful#she'll randomly find money around the house and then treat herself like it was present she meant to leave for her future self#she loves crosswords but treats it like a fun game and refuses to check if her answers are ever right#there's ur fun little facts about jeanie 🫵🏼
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Ten and Missy! Our Halloween costumes 🥰
#doctor who#missy#tenth doctor#cosplay#thoschei#it's hairy Ten and green eyed Missy but close enough!!#let it be known that I did buy blue contact lenses for this but for some reason they wouldn't stick to my eyeballs!!#I still owe you all a Clara and I'm working on it 😌#We've been really busy so I'm proud and glad we managed to pull these off on time mid move 🥰 we had so much fun#I want to give Missy another go at some point with the lenses and better hair and her hat and umbrella and more accurate make up tho#the suit is also really big on me so I had to pin it everywhere and pose strategically and edit some pins out lmao#I didn't have time to fix it!! but it worked out well enough I think#wait also do you see my single silver hair in the front?? I've been protecting it with my life I love it#personal#nips photos#nips blogs
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Hero of the Veilguard Armors - Neve Gallus
#neve gallus#datv spoilers#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#gamingedit#videogameedit#videogamewomen#videogamepoc#lgbtvideogames#gamingladies#dailygaming#dragon age neve#neve#my edit#sorry I made my wife into batman#the concept of her being scary to a lot of people but still inspire hope#she's the love of my life
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Exchange
#my art#half life 2#half life#half life alyx#hl#hl2#hl2 fanart#hl2 alyx#alyx vance#gman#half life gman#i still dont know if she looks like herself#spend a long time editing her face like 1722718 times because i was trying to have her hl2 face and hl:a face
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Scratchy beard :(
#the x files#mulder and scully#msr#msredit#the x files i want to believe#first x files edit this is so exciting :)#im still good at photoshop i guess#txf#txf edit#in my mind they are like this right now living a happy life#dana scully#fox mulder#m*#edits
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I don't know why I made this
#half life#gordon freeman#shitposts aren't normally what I post here but sure#Shoutout to the original poster. I just found this on pinterest and immediately thought of Gordon#Its edited slightly the original post said brown eyes but STILL
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In no way canon to secret life whatsoever, i just wanted to draw a background in aggie and felt self indulgent
cropped ver:
#secret life smp#slsmp#desert duo#grian#goodtimeswithscar#what can i say. i'm insane about them right now#the wheelchair is so not accurate (the seat is too short) BUT i had a fun time referencing this e-trike wheelchair so idm lol#aggie.io my beloved <3#no close ups— too small to put real detail into the characters but its ok i've already put around three hours into this thing somehow#art out the oven#edit: added a cropped version actually i was lying /lh not a closeup but still
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"Still Life with Tulips and Hyacinth” by Coenraet Roepel. Edited.
#Coenraet Roepel#painting#traditional#art#mixed media#edit#painting edit#edited painting#hands#flowers#tulips#hyacinth#still life#surrealism#dark#weird#strange#odd#collage
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Sorry your crush is oblivious Qiu, better luck next time!
(Fake screenshots! These are fan made based on incorrect quotes and not in the game)
#ol2#olnf#qiu lin#our life now and forever#our life qiu#fan edit#not canon!#olnf mc#incorrect quotes#this is my second attempt at making these! there's still some errors and improvements to make but i think it looks ok!#sorry qiu you'll have to spell it out for them if you want to get past her dumbassery#mcs who can't read signals for the win!#she's gonna jolt awake like 5 years later when they're already dating and be like OH YOU WERE FLIRTING-#nova my beloved never change <3
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theyre so stupid
IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON RB THIS WITH A FANART TAG IM GONNA COMMIT A CRIME. THIS IS NOT FANART. I GOT THIS FROM THE WIKI. HERE IS PROOF OF IT BEING OFFICIAL
#and yet theyre the love of my life (i still love grelle dw)#milo belladonna#joy johnson-johjima#calculester hewlett packard#vicky schmidt#monster prom#monster camp#water posts#edit sorry i forgot damien was there i really dont care about him#damien lavey
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maggie & rei🌟
#sorry i haven't been v active#i want to say it'll get better in like a month and half when we finally move#but i'm sure following i'll still be busy unpacking everything#im kinda hyperfixating on changing up my desk set up in the move w/ the new office#so im sure i'll post pics as it comes together/might actually want to be on my computer#anyways!#that's my life update#packing and working and watching 2 many videos on chair reviews#ts4#s4#s4 edit#sims 4#s4 legacy#sims#sparks#sparks legacy#gen 6#gen 5#u know its bad when u forget ur normal tags
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