#still insane to me to think back on that

[hinamie]

back on my free! brainrot

[qualityrain]

like a lake in a glass

[meteortrails]

the mattfoggy dynamic is so fun. like foggy takes care of matt, and is so diehard protective of him it’s honestly a little painful to watch, not bc he thinks matt needs him to but bc he thinks matt deserves to be taken care of and protected. honestly I think the reason he feels so protective of matt has a million times more to do with matt’s glaringly obvious misery than it ever had to do with the blindness, which is part of why you see it continue in absolute full force after the reveal. but at the same time matt absolutely thinks that it has something to do with foggy thinking he needs to be taken care of, and so kinda hates himself and foggy for the fact that he not only loves it but actively allows it to happen. like the way foggy takes care of matt soothes his abandonment issues so thoroughly that the catholic guilt kicks in, and so matt keeps secrets and lies to him both so foggy will keep doing it and to try and create distance so matt doesn’t have to feel guilty about how well foggy takes care of him.

on the flipside matt is ALSO viciously protective of foggy but more in like the way of an abused dog and their new owner who’s rehabilitating them??? and like he just Knows foggy, toe to tip, and accepts him and loves him and believes in him in a way that foggy clearly relies on. for foggy, matt is in many ways this imperfectly perfect ideal; so righteous it inspires foggy, bc if someone like this can believe in foggy he must be capable of living up to it, but also human enough for it to be ok if he fucks up or falls short. human enough to love. and this all is what makes the lies so uniquely devastating, and why they keep coming back to each other anyways. foggy has bared his soul to matt, and it turns out matt won’t do the same for him. foggy takes care of matt, and matt has not only taken advantage of this but also prevented foggy from doing so when he needed it. and in a moment where matt needs him, foggy leaves. but there’s no world where they don’t forgive each other, bc nobody else will be able to give them what they get from each other, and they wouldn’t want to give the things they give to each other to anyone else!! they’re stuck together for LIFE baby.

[isnt-that-wizardd]

there is just something about the difference between edwin's love interests and having the cat king's reaction to edwin in hell being "i'll be waiting when he gets back" vs charles "no version of this where i don't come get you" rowland convincing a powerful trans-dimensional being to open a door to hell just so he could get him back

i am insane

[sunlight-shunlight]

one interesting thing about the solas crestwood catastrophe is that:

if we look at the relationship from solas' perspective, he knows he's already... permanently altered lavellan with his magic, in a way that they didn't consent to/fully understand the ramifications of. oops! that was accidental, and he didn't even know them then, so presumably he manages to get over the guilt enough to have somewhat of a normal relationship afterwards.

but then, let's assume that he did stick to his plan to tell the truth... then he essentially:

altered their physical body with magic.

lied a LOT by omission.

drew them in with friendship/affection before dropping a Huge Moral Burden onto them.

can't REMOVE the magic in his current state, until he gets the orb back.

if the explanation goes badly, and lavellan ends up hating him/disagreeing with his plan, they wouldn't even be able to tell him to fuck off permanently. bc the anchor is still slowly killing them.

if lavellan agrees with his plan in theory, then... they still have to accept the deaths of most people they knew and cared about. which even if they're ok with for the Greater Good™, will horrifically change their personality and ruin their life.

if lavellan agrees to help with the plan, then... they're basically solas' agent afterwards, and will have to personally bloody their hands even more. and the power differential only gets Worse.

so he's... a bit mythal-esque in his approach, by accident, isn't he? RIP! mythal is of course, the Best Of The Evanuris™ and a girlboss, but that's presumably unsettling to him when he realizes it. it seems like he had thought his confession through up to the point of "hm, maybe if i explain it really well, they'll accept me as the dread wolf, and the necessity of my plan? and we'll be together :)" without planning any further steps fhsjsgjf

so then he goes "oh, fuck. nevermind. what if i just stay as solas the Normal Apostate™ a bit longer. but, i need SOME pretext about why we're even here, or what 'the truth' is that i'm telling them. uhhhh... the vallaslin are... removable?" out of reflex.

then that's, once again:

lying, and with the expectation that he'd have to keep lying even longer.

encouraging lavellan to change an integral part of themselves, when they trust him deeply.

which is STILL very mythal-esque, or possibly dread wolf vs his foes type of behaviour, and it's towards someone that he loves! even when he's trying to be solas the Normal Apostate™. incredible. then solas either takes off the vallaslin, and realizes that he's altered lavellan further on false pretenses; or lavellan refuses, and he realizes that he's asked them to change themselves, still on false pretenses. and then he decides that it's Joever and there's no way to remain in the relationship that preserves his ethics. presumably, the fact that he killed felassan for showing 2% of this emotional bias towards mortals, is also weighing on him throughout.

BUT. then he does say afterwards that "everything will be made clear once corypheus is defeated". which is a pretty douchey thing to say if he expects to take the orb, and then for lavellan to like... die in the veilfall immediately? hdjsjfhsf. so to me, that seems like he had an intention to retake the anchor, and then tear down the veil and reveal his identity, and expected lavellan to still be alive afterwards to see it. and then they would no longer be magically attached to him, so at least that would equalize the situation a bit.

but then the orb breaks too! so, he has to slink off with 0 additional clarity to lavellan beyond saying "ough... what we had was real 🥺" before going to kill mythal himself. absolute trainwreck of a breakup.

[letyhide]

When Mapicc did things that hurt Zam she was okay with laying her head low, apologising, changing her morals, working around her oath, and sticking by Mapicc.

Zam did things that hurt Mapicc. They were never directed at him, Often they were done out of refusal to fight him directly. Yet Mapicc still saw the lack of support during Mawn, and how Zam threw hearts at Bacon (when he was their enemy) as betrayal. And was hurt.

Due to Mapicc’s reactions to being hurt being usually violent, and directed towards Zam, it’s easier for his feelings and needs to be overshadowed compared to Zam’s in discussions. Because he sees himself as the victim even after being the perpetrator of some real damaging stuff - stuff that is often way worse than the what is done against him. Because yeah, Despite everything that happened to both of them, Mapicc is sitting on a comfortable 20 hearts, while Zam is on 4 BECAUSE of Mapicc and how many times she has been killed by him. Mapicc’s response to things is usually fighting and violence. He has self preservation and self interest very high on his priority list. While Zam’s n1 response to situations is usually self sabotage. That’s why their conflicts work so well. Zam throws herself at Mapicc many times, and just accepts whatever the outcome is (most of the time she knows she’s gonna lose).

But still Mapicc’s original worries and feelings are still valid. And they come out of a place of care for Zam and insecurity in himself. He just doesn't know how to deal with them. When he’s in a heated discussion with Zam he starts saying how "if killing you is gonna end this conversation, then i will do it” just another way of saying “i would rather hurt you than deal with my own feelings”.

It’s crazy to me that they both seem to not see the care and effort they each put into their relationship. it seems to be all about "who used who more" when, it genuinely is not about that. (Recently yes. Mapicc admitted to using Zam for the flame fight when wanting to cut her off. and yesterday he wanted to use her to get Mane with the arrow cannon). But all this talk about using one another is.. Quite frankly useless.

When Mapicc first mentioned the feeling of being used by Zam, it was all about his jealousy towards Derapchu, Zam’s new 20 heart teammate, and not being included in plans anymore. He felt like Zam was just calling him whenever she was in danger and needed help. Yet during *that talk* After the flame void trap, Zam asked Mapicc to stay by her side, and Mapicc refused. And says “if you ever need help with a fight or are in a dire situation. call me”, when he was accusing Zam of only using him for fights prior to this. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. He only sees Himself useful in pvp. So mainly renders himself available for pvp fights. Or it could be projection? He accuses others of seeing him only for PVP skill. When He's the first one to do that. During the same talk he says “I provide what? pvp skill, that’s what i'm saying bro, that’s all i'm good for” And assumes everyone else does too… And I genuinely think this is what this misunderstanding all boils down to: Mapicc’s insecurities about himself, and his place next to people. After a teamless season, Zam pulling away might’ve gone better if it didn’t, in his eyes, prove exactly Mapicc’s worries. (but he's also an hypocrite as he's the first one to throw Zam away when the empire logged back on).

Mapicc pushes his feelings, and Zam, away. Says he didn’t mean the apology that day, because being angry has always been easier than being vulnerable for Mapicc. And this time Zam just doesn’t take it. All this time of having Mapicc’s insecurities being projected onto her, Mapicc actually uses her for the creeking thing, blows up her flower field and he couldn't be more blunt about his hatred for her, when all she's done is be there for him. And she snaps. “Mapicc should’ve known him this way. He just used me”, and looks back and picks apart every single thing Mapicc has done wrong to her, which to be fair. There is a lot. But also conveniently leaves out all of the hearts he gave her, she leaves out how many times Mapicc jumped back into a fight just to try and save Zam, Even though it didn’t benefit him directly. She leaves out how the other day Mapicc left her a heart in a chest. When you have the full picture you KNOW these two care about each other.

They’re so used to being by each other's side, and so bad at communicating the care they have for one another, that the second something goes wrong all they’re left with is their unresolved feelings, that they never got over, and use it as a weapon to hurt the other.

When Zam accuses Mapicc of using her, he replies “how did I use you, what did I get out of you exactly”. Even telling Minute “how did I use him, he’s the dropper” again giving this image of how he sees other’s (and by extension his) value through their fighting skills. As if "It wouldn't make sense that he would use Zam, because she is not as skilled as pvp as him". This of course isn’t what he actually believes. It was almost what he wanted Zam to believe, (and what he wants to believe himself, but he cannot even stick to this version in his head, as he replies that "I never said you did nothing" to Zam. when that's exactly what he was implying) because that is easier to explain, it makes more sense for “Mapicc” to believe that than for him to admit a “i care about you”.

And when Mapicc was alone with his thoughts, he thought about what Zam was saying to him... Did he actually use her? He says that, if he did, it wasn't on purpose.... Well except that one time. Which he sees as justified since Zam gave hearts to his enemy! Bacon... who... is now his teammate...... huh.... and the team really wants them to reconcile and he realizes that it just not might be his call as he was the one that farmed her until she was at 4 hearts... hmmm........ I'm so excited to see where this will go.

[burriburi]

“I…”

[anxious-chaos-art]

In honor of ep 4 dropping today here’s my page of kips!

[toastedclownery]

You can't do this to me I'm gonna start thinking about them again

[archiarthur]

My Player pre-demo 3 :

I'm so awesome,I'm so sigma, this adventure is gonna be a breeze. Im having lots of fun,sure I have my gulit but it had to be done. Putting BBNO$ songs in my headphones on blast. Hell yeah. Also occasionally flirt with people, because I'm swinging both ways if you catch my drift.

My player post-demo 3 :

Wow! I have to lock the fuck in and pretend EVERYTHING is fine ,im not about to tweak out, I care about people, totally ( why am I unable to truly feel that anymore...lives don't seem to effect me anymore,im a monster.)

I am hit with the realisation I will probably have to die and everything I do is temporary. I am everyones hero and If i disappoint them or fail, it'll be all my fault and I can go from quickly loved to hated within seconds. So I have to pretend NOTHING has changed.

I crave love and affection but due to my loss of solitude and having self hatred ,im unable to commit,but I still do feel insane gulit and deep inside care for them.

I'm a white knight,but under it I am nothing of value.

[hinamie]

this past year has easily been one of the most productive and artistically formative years in recent memory and i'm so incredibly proud and grateful to have this little corner of the internet full of people who share my interests and enjoy my art <3

from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has supported me in 2024! I'll keep drawing and keep improving so here's hoping 2025 brings just as much growth!

[liauditore]

how many belts and buckles does she need someone save me.

[crystallizsch]

yuusha loungewear??? i suppose???

+ more frozen references have at ye—

also the ghosts actually made the outfit for her using ramshackle's curtains and yuusha doesn't really have the heart to get a "better" one (+ she thinks there's nothing particularly wrong with it in her opinion anyway so why bother)

[syluses]

there was another wave of caleb drama on the bird app the other day about him not wanting to be ur gege at all which was lowkey super dumb bc its not true but now its making me think of an au where mc and caleb don't grow up together and meet as adults but caleb's still delusional and crazy enough to want to have that type of dynamic... like just irrationally mad that he isn't the one who raised u LMAO i always saw him as the type to just want to be your everything not Just a brother not Just a lover... it tickles my brain.. love and obsession so all-encompassing that he has to be everything in ur life

..Oh brother 😒 no pun intended. I agree with u tho nonnie 💯 Bro needs to be her everything, & if he isnt he feels worthless.

Prepare thyselfs

Alright, yall already know by know that im a big gege truther- however im perfectly fine with the people who wanna see caleb as the ‘childhood friend’- which the anglicized version essentially goes off on. Now i do believe those individuals dont see all of caleb’s unique little nuances- just because so much of them stem from the brotherly role he was ‘forced’ to fill for mc all throughout childhood- and i think they fail to recognize the paramount correlation it has to their ‘forbidden’ romance (which both he & mc ACKNOWLEDGE in the story; but ig they’re just whiting out the bits they dont wanna hear) but im not gonna flame ppl if they wanna see bro as the friends to lovers trope.

i dont agree with it, but its more or less okay with me bc i understand lots of ppl are icked out by the pseudo trope (reasonable) yet still want to appreciate xia yizhou in their own way— even if ignoring the original intention inevitably brings a certain distance to that for the lack of comprehension over his, well, ahem GEGEISM™️

The way some of them wanna DENY the asian/original canon tho is pretty insane ngl. Like homie u can still enjoy ur own (english localized) idea of caleb- but to try to erase the obvious gege/meimei implications of the chinese version is funny only because its just that stupid. Again im definitely not one of the ppl who’ll yell and shame others for not fucking with the gege vibes, but cmon… its pretty obvious that is in the canon.

And now im yapping at this point but as to whether or not caleb WANTS to be mc’s brother figure? ..Honestly i feel like that is complicated in itself, and i think the answer will vary from person to person. But for me i think its both a yes and a no. He definitely acts as her brother, thinks as her brother, regards himself as her brother. And the self awareness is absolutely there for him- as in he knows its wrong to romantically pine for mc because he truly does- in his own way- naturally see mc as his meimei as well, even if he tries to separate himself from it the more his yearning grows. I think calebs emotions revolving this are super complex. I can barely even put it into words.

He wants the full right, if u will, that the gege title grants him over her— the closeness, the responsibility, the bond— but it ultimately gets in the way when he stares at her in admiration for a little too long or leans a little too much into the fantasy of pretend girlfriend and boyfriend. Growing up, whenever he humored her and they played house, he never had to feign the part of ‘husband’ bc he already carried all that love with him. In a way, a lil piece of him kind of blames mc for ‘asserting’ the gege role on him, but he’s still just as guilty bc he happily gave in to it all throughout their growing up. He liked it, even, in those moments he could almost forget his own pathetic desires.

I truly do believe that caleb feels regretful over the brotherly role he operated under for just about all his life… But i also truly believe that he would have it no other way— the smallest idea of anybody else assuming that spot in her life makes him furious. Because again, he wants to take care of her, he wants to protect her, to bandage her scraped knees and hush away her tears, to cook breakfast lunch and dinner for her and have almost as much of a say in her life as gran does. (…past tense.) He wants the proximity, the domestic life with her, the casual closeness and again, the slight dominion the ‘brother’ role gives him over her.

Lets not forget that in all of this, for all his cheerful, reassuring smiles and easy quipping comments, that there’s a little worm in the back of caleb’s head that wants ultimate control over his meimei. and yes, even just in calling her his ‘meimei’— or her running face first into his strong arms bc she knows, as family, he’ll always have her back— some of that control is given. Its so hard to articulate this pls kill me. But i hope u know what i mean.

At the end of the day, for all his reservations about it- and the actual blame he lowkey tries to put on mc for it- Caleb does and always wanted to be her gege.

Because if he was never her gege, he’d be nothing. His responsibility over his meimei— his sister, his friend, his closest confidant and hopefully, one day, his wife— is frankly all that gives him purpose.

And yeah maybe he is a little crazy because of it... But he knows she loves him too, deep down. He knows her better than anybody else, after all. The same can be said about his love for her: nobody in this world could ever hold even a fraction of all that Caleb both internally & physically shoulders for her.

It’s as much of an ugly curse as it is a beautiful gift.

Duality my friends, duality

[moeblob]

...and they were coworkers. (an actual conversation from my last job)

[hoshiina]

pairing: hoshina soushirou x gn!reader (no prns)

request: hiii idk if u take these kinds of requests but id like to see jealous reader (preferably if reader and hoshina are already in an established relationship and reader works in a different division, meaning they dont get to see each other much) like maybe he’s used to calling okonogi “my dear” and its the first reader heard him call anyone with a pet name like that and she starts to overthink and gets pouty/ sulky and hoshina doesnt notice it at first but when he does he starts teasing her which doesnt help HAHAHAHA if its ok can it be hurt/ comfort and end in fluff & HELLO!! can i request an angst to fluff with hoshina where reader thinks he likes okonogi more than him especially since he is against revealing him n reader’s relationship to the third division (for other reasons of course). hopefully this isnt too specific!! i hope u have a wonderful day:))

notes: hoshina calls the reader “darling”, hurt comfort, him accepting jealousy a valid emotion (very important to me i fear), so sorry i merged the reqs!! i hope this was satisfactory for both TY FOR THE REQ!, this is a twt thread i thought about while writing this, (l/n) mention in the bonus part

wc: 1400

Oh, you hated when this happened. You hated when your heart started to tighten in this horrible way you knew well. You hated being jealous.

You hated how self centered it made you feel and how it ate away at your thoughts and feelings. It made you feel like your good thoughts were disintegrating to horrible ones. However, what you hated even more was how it meant you were doubting his love for you— and that was the last thing you wanted to do. You didn't want to doubt him, nor did you doubt him, but when the jealousy got to your head it was over. You were stuck in a loop.

To top it off, the cause of this all was truly harmless and hardly that big of a deal, but that's usually how most anxious thoughts start. They start little.

You were called to visit the 3rd Division to help with research on a field you were particularly knowledgeable on, and you happened to hear Hoshina's laughter from the operation room, so you went in to take a peek.

“It was not that funny,” Okonogi was saying to him, but Hoshina only continued to laugh.

“Yes, it definitely was,” he laughed. “I knew Kafka would forget about that hole in the training grounds again.”

“Why don't you remind him, then?”

“Comedic relief, of course.”

“Alright then.”

“Okonogi dear, you're no fun,” he said.

They said a few more things, but you couldn't seem to focus on their words. ‘Dear’? Was that merely a simple pet name? Or was there more to them than you initially expected?

Oh, the worries started to fill your head. And they were things you didn't want to be worried about— Okonogi was always so sweet to you when you popped by and you knew Hoshina loved you. The last thing you wished to do was doubt them, nor did you want to make things awkward around them. There were just so many things that you just didn't know about, being in a different division as him. You doubted they even knew you were dating, and the voice in your head would only get louder.

It was then that Hoshina saw you at the doorway and called over to you.

“Are you done with work?” he asked, his voice excited and hopeful. Your heart stung.

“Not quite yet,” you tried to sound disappointed, but for the right reason. “I’ll get going now.”

You walked away from the room as quickly as you could, seemingly naturally. You didn't want to be there and you didn't want to talk to him before calming down first— you were sure you'd say something silly if you spoke now.

Yet, immediately you heard footsteps behind you and a hand you knew well grab yours.

“Soushirou?” you asked, turning to look behind you.

“What's wrong?” he asked, his voice soft and visible concern in his eyes. “Do you feel unwell?”

Pang in your chest again.

“Not at all, nothing's wrong?” you said, but you could see the way he pursued his lips— the hurt in his eyes from how you wouldn't tell him what was troubling you. Gosh, why did you feel this way? Why must you feel much silly emotions.

“It's truly so stupid,” you said. “I'll tell you another time.”

“Alright,” he said, letting go of your hand. That one was your bad— you knew he wouldn't push you any further, even if he wanted to.

Dinner that night was awkward. You weren't even that jealous, but the fact that you felt something was gnawing at your brain upset you. Not to mention the fact that you were keeping something from him made you feel even worse.

“How was your training?” you asked.

“Alright, I suppose,” he said. There was a horrible moment of silence. You weren’t sure what to say.

“I think I’m getting a hang of this new technique,” he finally continued, but you wouldn’t look up at him— you were afraid he wouldn’t look your way.

“I see,” you said. “That’s really cool… I’d like to see someday.”

“I’ll show you as soon as its better,” he said.

The rest of dinner felt… quiet. The two of you still talked throughout it but it was terribly different from the usual lively catch-up you’d have— it was heart-wrenching quite frankly.

So as you’d imagine, going to sleep was even worse. You subconsciously faced away from him and pretended to fall asleep quickly, hoping he’d sleep soon too. You hated what was going on, but you just couldn’t bring this up. You knew it was silly and you knew you’d forget soon enough. You’d probably regret making such a big deal out of it.

“Darling,” he said, and immediately you turned to face him. He was already facing you. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it… I’m sorry I pushed you.”

Gosh, you thought. You gulped. You wished he wasn’t so kind.

“You’re going to think I’m so annoying though,” you said, voice cracking in a way you didn’t wish for it to and immediately his eyes widened.

“Darling, what happened?” he asked, suddenly worried. “You could never be annoying to me.”

“I… heard you…” you started and he just listened— he waited. “I heard you calling Okonogi, ‘dear.’ And suddenly I—”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, without hesitation. “I hadn’t even realized I did that, it was completely by habit. I won’t anymore.”

You finally met his eyes and the way he looked so horrified he had made you feel bad was so prominent in his eyes.

“No, Soushirou,” you said. “I didn’t mean for you to have to change anything— I know so well that both of you are so sweet to me and there’s nothing going on. I just—”

“Darling, calm down,” he said, cutting you off. “You’ve done nothing wrong, why are you beating yourself up? This was my bad and that’s about it. None of this is you.”

“I—,” you said, taking a moment to collect yourself. “I hate to be jealous, Soushirou. I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” he asked and you paused to look up at him, utterly confused.

“Why?” he asked again.

“It’s such an… ugly feeling,” you said.

“Is it?”

“Is it… not?”

“What’s wrong with being jealous?”

“Because it’s like I’m doubting you or something… when I don’t at all.”

“I think that’s a different thing entirely, no?” he asked. “You can know in your head that I’m in love with you and still feel something else— they’re not always the same. A little jealousy is perfectly healthy, I think.”

“Oh…” you said. You wanted to say so much more but there was so much to process first. Your heart swelled with such warmth.

“I get jealous too. I hate when Narumi gets too close to you or bothers you when I’m not around,” he continued on. “But in my head I know you’d never do anything to hurt me and you’d stop him if he crosses a line. I’ll try to stop if that bothers you though.”

“No,” you said. “That sounds… nice. I’m rather… happy… you were a jealous actually. But I’ll make sure to keep some more distance between Captain Narumi next time.”

He laughed. “Sounds good. But you tell me if there’s anything more that bothers you okay. I’ll fix myself up.”

“I will,” you said and he kissed your forehead. “But Soushirou, I don’t mind much anymore. You can stay the way you are.”

“No, no, stop overthinking. You need to sleep now, you have an early morning tomorrow.”

“Yeah. You too Sou,” you said and he hummed.

Once you were certain he was asleep, you kissed his cheek and slipped your hand into his. You liked holding his hand when you fell asleep, but you weren’t sure if it made it harder for him to fall asleep.

“Thank you,” you whispered to him. “You mean the world to me.”

You lightly kissed his cheek, careful not to wake him up, but to your surprised he smiled. He squeezed your hand and without opening his eyes, “You missed,” he said.

He kissed you on the lips and you laughed, snuggling up against him. “You were awake.”

“I was waiting for you to hold my hand,” he said. “I like when we hold hands when we sleep.”

BONUS:

From then on, Hoshina stopped calling Okonogi “dear” as much, and it’d only happen when it truly slipped out of him from force of habit.

“Vice-Captain, you’ve started dating (l/n), haven’t you?” she said to him one day while they were sorting through files.

“How... did you know?” he asked. The two of you had been dating for quite a while now, but he was more surprised she guessed you correctly.

“It’s terribly obvious you’re completely in love,” she said.

He blinked. And then he laughed. 

He’d have to ask you that night if he can share the news with everyone, properly, then.