#still cant believe this is almost over
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will be posting the next chapter tomorrow 🥰
If you're looking for a saviour, that's not me
(percabeth witch au)
Chapter 11/13
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I realized I forgot to post this here when I updated yesterday lmao.
#still cant believe this is almost over#and for real this time#omg#witch au#i wrote a thing#percabeth
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Oh, help me God, this hellboy got me coming back for more
reblogs super appreciated !!! close-ups under the cut !
#south park#south park fanart#stan marsh#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr#my ramblings + thought process starts here (warning. its a lot) vvvvvvvvvvvvvv#"heyyyyy shadowww. its mee. da devil.#the amount of eyestrain i went through while rendering this#gradient maps!!! are so fun!!! (they are not i hate them so much)#lots to improve on still. but that's for next time!#the process of making this was so arduous.... but i learned a lot i feel#(and also if i had spent any more time working on this i would have actually lost it)#BUT YIPPEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN MARSH THE LOSER BOY I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS ON TIME#2 days in advance too by the time the queue uploads it#anyways.... stupid loser boy stan marsh..... i found out his birthday was coming up soon#and i had this idea sitting in my head for like.... 2 weeks i think#popped up when i was listening to lexie liu's album the happy star and the song diablo came up#and i thought wait.... doesnt stan get possessed by satan at some point#and so here we are!!#I ACTUALLY RECENTLY WATCHED THE EPISODE TOO AND THE THEME OF THE SONG FIT THE THEME OF THE EPISODE CRAZY WELL AS WELL#sometimes my genius is almost frightening#anyways this emotionally sensitive animal lover boy has really grown on me over the course of the series <3#i still havent.... finished cartman's sheet.....#the self designated deadline i gave myself of 2 weeks is coming up soon and erm. guh.#dies#this took so much effort and brainpower that needed to be allocated to my assignments.......#but its ok!!! im gonna sell this as a print!!! so its kind of!! productive!!#guh i hope this one performs well sob theres this nagging feeling i have that its not gonna do well at all#try painting some funky lighting + greyscale painting she said. it'll be fun she said.
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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((I love the people who tag my posts with "The Scottish Play." Like. Macbeth Macbeth Macbeth!!! The play Macbeth!!!! Macbeth by William Shakespeare!!!!! Macbeth (not the character)!!!! Get scared get scared get scared!!!!!!!!! Woe sandbag be upon ye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway happy halloween y'all :) Hope you had a good time tonight))
#for the record i will never believe in the macbeth superstition#as someone who has worked in theater both onstage and backstage#things will go wrong no matter what. there are just so many people and moving parts that you cant avoid something going disastrously wrong#but it feels nice to have something you can tangibly blame when youre faced with a situation where nobody is at fault#so people decided that a culturally significant tragedy that gets talked about a lot by thespians is somehow the culprit#and the play itself is haunted oooooo#but. no. no matter how diligent everyone is about avoiding talking about macbeth someone is still gonna almost get a concussion mid act#props are still gonna go missing. set pieces are still gonna fall over. someones still gonna fall down the stairs (me lol).#allow yourself the freedom
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The night is long, and the path is dark Look to the sky, for one day soon The Dawn will come
We're almost there you roooooooooks, one final sleep!!
#EXCITEEEE#still cant believe it's happening#I'd be waiting for as long as it takes if Bioware would need it#cause this game damn right will be worth it nevertheless#10 years of waiting almost over#we did it folks#thatzombietalks
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omg guys. i face revealed in my profile...whaaaat (im literally robert smith🤯🤯🤯) tee bee haich wanted to do like an ac odyssey inspired one but could nawt find any good pics or aesthetics or anything for the longest time, however i saw this banner just scrolling around and freaked. fr thought i blacked out n made it bc like why is it so fitting like DAS ME BRUH MY NAMES IN IT N EVERYTHING HELLO
#still have tweaking to do BUTT tis almost 4am i must depart 😴#also cant get over the banner would u believe i just found it pike that??#AH I LOVE PINTETEST#like thats destiny fr...
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Been crying regularly since June last year but these last couple of weeks damn, specially this one that just ended.
I dont think I've ever cried so much in my life
#not even when i was fresh out of whatever the fuck that was with that guy#and this time is like a lot of things crashing out#its a lot of stress response too imo#but still like obvioisly a big part of it is still my season#i guess im grieving like normal ppl grieve their parents/spouses/kids#but im grieving a dog so ofc it looks like too much for a lot of ppl#but im a bit of a psycho so my feelings for ppl arent like that#but that dog was almost my whole life especially during the pandemic when he started to get sick#and just before i was able to secure a bigger income to look after him he dies#and the fact that he waited for me to pick him up and waited for me i. the morning after i had gone exercise#i loved him so much and he loved me so much and im so certain ill never have a love like that in my life again#and a part of me just cant wait to reunite with him again truly also bcos world is ending literally#so the future is this thing i do out of obligation/need/social duty but its not something i believe in at all#and then my other dog and my head fucking with me in health related issues/anxieties#so i wouldnt be feeling all sensitive over this issue with thos guy (clearly this is too much emotional baggage hes up for fun times)#and seems to be having fun elsewhere which sure and again if his missus is fine who am i to feel like that#idk i feel like im putting more emotions into it than i should and its making me feel bad/stupid#sprinkle what would be completely irrelevant and whatever if it wasnt for my current stew of emotions and yeah#i feel stupid bad and pathetic#lmao at autocrrect for season i meant my son#the fact that mohini is all abt opening the hips is helping to this too i guess#i started bawling my eyes out at 8:45am at the fucning bus stop#and it all started with the rtp guy not stopping when i was running late which sure id had been mad abt and talk shit abt the guy#but this time i started crying so hatd and ????#feeling very tempted to do what mo ameer did in his comedy show abt going to church for confession#cheaper than therapy and honestly i just need to talk to someone and let this all out#should i go to therapy? duh we all do genius but i have no interest in sparing money for that atm#also matching with a therapy would take multiple tries and not willing to spend 4 times over 1000 pesos for that#that money has to go to other places that are actually more important#and god willing I'll finally be able to start doing it at the end of this month or beginning of the next
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LOOK AT EVERYONE!!!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!!!!🥺🥺
#isat liveblog#odile laughed and it almost looped me back aha ;)))#<== ignore them#this is just so cute they cant believe they made it jkhl;jkl;f#i guess i know that it's not over but i still want to be happy with them while i have the chance
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in the club bathroom straightup pondering it. and by "it" haha well let's just say, 'whether or not i should attempt to finish & share a fic i've been working on for nearly a year now'
#happy june everybody#life's weird#so many many unexpected things happen and then you just have to make decisions about them like damn#to be clear i am not in a club bathroom right now#i just cant believe THAT's where i felt the most clarity about this thing that's been bothering me for almost 12 months#like yes the main reason i havent been posting or even reading is time#so many life/work/money/health insurance things have distracted me from all kinds of hobby type stuff#but also. that's been the case for long enough now that the scraps of time i do find surely could have amounted to something already#IF i was really certain that i wanted them to#and that kind of certainty is precisely what i haven't been able to hold onto long enough to make anything happen#bc the sad truth is i have been writing! i even think some of it's very good! but commit to posting it? that's another story entirely#and i HATE being so conflicted/anxious over a thing i do for fun#what the fuck is that about!#but still i have been#ugh i dont know what to do#club bathroom clarity come back#the worst part is i wasnt even drunk yet i must've just been enjoying myself enough that i was relaxed for the first time in a long time#tho clearly not as much as i could have been enjoying myself if i still had time to think about goddamn fanfic at the club
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First time a customer has made me genuinely cry i <3 customer service i do not want to kill myself i <3 my stupid job
#trying to laugh it off but im still unwell wow#like i cant believe i almost didnt get any calls today but the one that i get right when my day is almost over is a guy screaming at me#for half an hour#insane. cant even buy beer cuz im poor as hell#tw suicide#sorry im just#im trembling a bit l
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I got my driving licence finally!!! Damn I was so nervous and it was my second try but I got it!!
#cant believe it!! been almost a year of me doing driving school on and off#and failed the previous (for a kinda bad but also small error) and i was almost sure i failed this too#but i did it finally! woah!!#haeroniel talks#the test taker said that despite my few mess ups and tiny panic#he didnt have to intervene and i resolved them myself and otherwise i drive v safely#very nice of him to say and also funny he was telling me obviously they more easily can revoke my card if i speed etc in first 2 years#and then added right after well based on what i saw today i sloghtly doubt youll be off racing anytime soon yeah babye i got that anxiety!!#i was so nervous i felt sick yesterday and im still coming to terms that its over hence the sharkng here :')
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Losing a family member or a partner is already literally one of the worst parts of life we have to go through but being the person(s) that have to also handle all of the legal, formal, and financial parts of it makes it so much fucking worse like rubbing salt in a wound.
Like here I know you're devastated and grieving but also you need to fill out assloads of paperwork and get things set up immediately and figure out how to pay at the very cheapest $1k for a cremation without even being able to give the person you loved a proper funeral because it costs thousands of dollars more, and having to call Medicare and all the other govt. places to report her death and so fucking much that has to be handled.
Honestly everyone needs to find a way to teach themself at least the basics of everything that has to be handled after death because your family or partner could be perfectly fine one day and then all of a sudden an accident happens like a fall or wreck and it could all fall on you to handle every single thing.
And not a single part of the process is easy which only makes what is already one of the hardest things to go through in life exponentially worse.
And, death is so extremely expensive. Literally the cheapest possible cremation we can find is $995 and that's no funeral or anything just straight to ashes in a box.
You don't want to be struck with such a tragedy and have zero knowledge of what will become your responsibility to handle and pay for.
I know it's awful to even think about your loved ones dying but not knowing what to do when it happens, because death is the one thing that happens to us all and it can happen at literally any time, will only make everything worse and harder for you.
If you know you will be responsible for handling someone's affairs after death, take the time to actually sit down and discuss how they would want you to handle it and seriously consider looking into some kind of life insurance, even if it's not for much, because creation and funeral services require payment upfront and this isn't something that can be put off until you can afford it. Wether or not they had a life insurance policy could be the thing that could completely fuck you financially especially if you were already struggling.
#death#dying#i dont know what we're gonna do im gonna have to make another post asking for help because we absolutely do not have $1000#but it needs to be paid#im trying so fucking hard to keep myself going but this is all literally just the fucking worst#its been 29 and a half hours since she fell. 30 hours ago everything was fine and normal and we were just eating dinner like any other night#she didnt even get to have her dessert which i was literally finishing up making for her when it happened#i ran to her as fast as i could and i called for help and i tried me best to help and stop the bleeding but she hit her head too bad and#there isnt a single thing the drs can do except keep her as comfortable as they can until her heart stops#as she lays there twitching#no im not okay#i know there isnt anything different i couldve done that wouldve saved her but god damnit its all just fucking horrible#its been just over a full day since it happened and i still almost cant believe it fucking happened#it hurt so bad when i first got up and remembered i dont have to make her breakfast today#it hurt every single time i walked by or glaced at her bedroom door#or realized it was just a bit too quiet in the house cause her tv isnt playing the gameshows she loved to watch#or didnt have to make her a plate for dinner or bring her any dessert#jaye shut up
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sometimes I think about how I was legitimately the most hated and bullied kid in my entire class, and probably entire school. I knew this as a fact. there was nothing I could do about it. not just by the kids either, but the teachers/staff as well. all because I was autistic and unable to speak and they didn't want to treat me decently. and I ask why. (rhetorically of course, because I know all the excuses given as answers)
being an autistic kid and knowing damn well this is true, that you're the most hated person in the entire building with not a single person on your side, knowing you're the main target for everyone's aggression every day, is....truly something. you know. like carrying the weight of everyone's hatred and negativity on your back alone, being their punching bag, internalizing their hatred for then. from ages 4 to 18. nonstop. never getting better. never knowing why. not being able to stop it. never getting any help. on your own and alone. blamed for it all.
yet i'm simply told to "get over it/stop caring" and get blamed for it fucking me up and having a lasting effect. lmao ok. let me just forget more than half my life existed at this point and magically get better! thanks!
#those assholes are lucky I didn't have the heartless soul to take revenge on them or something.#instead it just became internalized trauma 🙃#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#school trauma#what would they have done if i lost my shit and lashed out at them????#the most i was ever able to do was take a plastic knife and stab an apple at lunch while glaring at a table of the kids#that scared them enough to leave me alone for a few days. then theh forgot and back at it again#why is it always the victim's fault and the bullies win? even years after the fact. why cant my brain “get over it” like people tell me :/#and yes i was able to get a therapist. no it hasnt helped yet. i do all the coping stuff she suggests already#basically distractions and whatnot. no it hasnt cured me.#she always tells me i have good coping mechanisms. im doing a good job. i deal with things reallt well. ok why am i still a mess 🙃#its almost as if theres no cure and only pretending#what am i rambling about. this sounds like an emotional rant but i genuinely feel nothingness atm. just reminiscing how fucked up it all was#why were things like that allowed to be put onto one single child and why did they never get any help or justice and are blamed#s i g h s#also ive always felt like no one believed me when i said i was the most hated and bullied kid at school. it is 100% true lmao unfortunately
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Work from home day and I have literally nothing to do. No emails, no calls, no work incomplete.
I missed sharing my problems in here omg.
#personal shit#i love working from home mostly because i have my peace and quiet#also my dog is here#but also i hate spending time on the road#it takes me like 2 hours to reach the office and 2 to come back home#4 hours wasted#anyways hi#i cant believe im almost 28 and i still use tumblr#i thought i was over it
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#WHY AM I ONLY THINKING OF THIS ONCE THE SEMESTER HAS ENDED#so the final essay assignment was about culture (esp pop) and all that n i wrote about the impact of technology in local pop culture spaces#BUT. i could've written about the prominent classism issue ive always been mad about#classism exists everywhere and its sucha fucking pain to encounter it in fandom spaces#couldve been a beautiful paper#the scope is very narrow but i think it wouldve been great#as with pop culture a lot of people are in on the bandwagon and the practice is mass & the stream is v fast#and the more successful ppl are almost always the ones who had more money beforehand#low budget creatives are looked down upon especially if their works aren't at the very least groundbreaking#'good' is simply not enough. paying for services is not enough. making your own equipments instead of buying expensive brands is not enough#and man am i fed up with the fucking arguments because ppl are missing the point of like#'if you cant afford to be a creative in local spaces then maybe there are things you should prioritize first' and this alone pains me bcs#yes there are things to prioritize because god forbid ppl like me make art without worrying about tomorrow's meal#and while i believe being a creative shouldnt be this expensive i do understand what they mean. i get it first hand#but this simple of a point still goes over people's head who took it as 'dont create art if you're poor'#'when you've paid a lot on something and some low budget artist comes in with their work getting more attention'#'if youre poor the least you could do is not making it worse by doing art'#ARE THEY HEARING THEMSELVES.#do they not realize what they're essentially saying they dont think poor people should make art#I LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHEREIN MY PURPOSE IS TO SCRAPE BY AND BE AN EXAMPLE OF THE COUNTRY'S ECONOMY#got a little heated there sorry tehee give me $500#krispeaks#idk if you noticed from my ramblings but it does get tiring to enter fandom spaces full with rich kids whose only problems are fandom drama
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#[zoey's ramblings]#personal#sometimes i cant believe my boyfriend acted like he didnt know me instead of blocking me and getting it over with. its been almost#two years and it still haunts me. weighs on me#i really did just text him one day and he acted like he didnt know me. he hated me that much. he never loved me#tearing my skin off with my bare teeth and throwing it around like a chew toy honestly#men are awful. i am awful#i really must be that unlovable for real
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