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lucywrites02 · 3 years ago

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Between the lines

Main Masterlist

A/N: It's- a me! The writer who finally posts something! It's my first one shot that is over 10k and I've worked on it for weeks. It was a challenge, but I had a lot of fun and I'm really proud of it. This story is messy and maybe some of you won't like the ending, but I wrote it for myself and I like it. if you find this story nice tho it would be amazing if you rebloged it or left a comment :3 now to the story!!!!

Pairing: Stephen Strange x gn! Reader

Word count: 10.5k

Warnings: slow burn, mention of a shitty ex, talk about therapy, the reader has mixed feelings about therapy because of their shitty ex, working too much, anxiety attack, not taking meds (I hope I mentioned everything, but if i missed something please let me know!) Probably some grammar mistakes

Summary: After becoming the sorcerer supreme Stephen gets the access to the ancient one's private library full of ancient tomes in languages the doctor hasn't even heard of. Luckily Wong's childhood friend is willing to help and becomes their personal translator.

“I’m so glad you could make it.” Wong greeted you with a wide smile- you didn’t even step into the building when the man picked you up, hugging you tightly. Oh how you missed his hugs! “You have no idea how happy I am that you came.” The librarian let you go and sighed heavily. He embraced you one more time before he took your bags and gestured you to walk in.

You looked around, mesmerised. It was quite a while since you’ve last been to the New York sanctum and even though nothing really changed it still felt foreign. The stairs looked exactly how they used to, but the carpet looked a bit more red than you remember it. Did they clean this old thing or bought a new one? And then there was that old foyer where you used to spend most of your nights, reading some random fantasy novels you found in the nearest library. It was funny how you always insisted on reading those books instead of ancient tomes about real magic. You smiled, remembering that time the former guardian of this building scolded you for sitting too close to the fire and accidentally burning half a page of your book. Thankfully it was no book about sorcery- otherwise you would already be dead because Wong would definitely kick your ass for that. This guy was basically your family but he wouldn’t hesitate to make you pay for damaging something valuable.

“I put your bags in your room.” Your friend’s voice pulled you out of your transe, but you couldn’t stop smiling. You really missed this place. Turning around, your eye caught a glimpse of the closing portal behind your favourite sorcerer. “Tea?”

“Yes, please!” You said and followed Wong to the kitchen, walking with that happy jump to your steps, already excited to spend some time with your friend. When you were still a sorcerer, tea time with Wong always meant exchanging gossip- it was your favourite time of the day. And now you guys had a lot to talk about. “Oh man,” you exhaled and sat down on an old wooden chair right next to the kitchen island, “I missed your tea soooo much.” you giggled and breathed in the smell of your favourite flavour. “Did you buy this tea for me? You know I love it.”

“I actually did it myself.” The man said, proudly and poured your beverage to a ceramic cup from his favourite set. You smiled upon seeing the mugs you got him for his birthday a few years ago. Wong said it was his most valuable possession. “I picked up gardening last year and then decided to experiment with tea. I hope you like it.”

“Gardening? That’s interesting. You didn't mention it at all.” you took a sip and literally melted in your chair. Is this how heaven felt like? “Wow, this is amazing!” you took another sip and closed your eyes, cherishing the taste it left on your tongue. “And you did it yourself?”

“I did.” The librarian puffed his chest like a proud peacock, making you smile again. “And there’s a lot I have to tell you so buckle up- I have a lot of tea to spill.” Wong said, looking at you and expecting a laugh at his oh so genius pun. You were trying to look unamused, not wanting to give him the satisfaction, but you didn’t care to be honest. Yes, that pun was terrible, but still funny! You wouldn’t apologise for laughing at your friend’s corny joke.

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“This is the last time I went to that store alone.” Stephen spoke into the empty air- his voice echoed through the hall with no one around to listen to his whining. The sorcerer supreme sighed, closing the door to the sanctum with his foot and then headed to the kitchen to unpack all those bags. The list Wong gave Stephen was longer than usual and the amount of food the man purchased would last for him and Wong for a whole month. The librarian insisted that his colleague should go to this very specific store at the other side of the city- which Stephen found quite weird but when he questioned it, Wong went on a long rant, explaining to him that they had your favourite kind of noodles and that their spices were top tier. Stephen had never met you, but he could see how much Wong respected you. You were obviously someone very important, but were you worth taking the train and two buses filled with annoying people just to get all those groceries that could be bought from the farmer’s market three blocks away from the sanctum? Stephen didn’t think so.

As he neared the kitchen, the sorcerer could hear someone talking. One of the voices belonged to Wong- Stephen was sure of that- but the other one he had never heard before. Have you already arrived? The doctor stopped in his tracks and sighed when he realised that he wasn’t exactly looking like the most important sorcerer at the moment. What kind of a first impression was this going to be? Would you judge his casual outfit or pay it no mind? It was hard to tell since Wong refused to tell Stephen anything about you other than the fact that you could translate all of the books for him. He didn’t even get your backstory or anything about you as a person. Wong obviously liked you, otherwise he would never have invited you to the sanctum, but the doctor didn’t know what to expect from you. He knew nothing about you. Stephen hated not knowing.

Lost in thought, he didn’t even notice when the hallway’s wooden floor beneath his feet changed to the turquoise kitchen teals.

“Speak of the devil and he will bring you groceries.” The librarian spoke, greeting his fellow sorcerer as he walked into the room.

The doctor’s eyes fell on the person sitting on the counter, face hidden behind the ceramic mug- Stephen was pretty sure that the dish was supposed to keep your smile hidden. So much for a decent first impression. Thanks to Wong.

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You looked at the man who just walked in- bags full of food in his hands. Wong has told you plenty about the new sorcerer supreme, but you didn’t expect to see someone in their late 30s to be the most important sorcerer on earth. You knew he was in his late 30s because your friend has mentioned it once, but the grey in his hair made Doctor Strange look a bit older.

Awkwardly hopping off the counter you put your empty mug aside and walked towards the sorcerer supreme. “Let me help you with those.” You said, pointing at the bags. They were probably really heavy. You didn’t wait for a response and took some stuff in your own hands. “Wong, do you need an invitation or something?” You called, putting the groceries on the kitchen island.

Stephen huffed- almost giggled- when he saw how quickly Wong stood up and took the remaining bags from him. He might not have made a good entrance, but you have for sure impressed him. And you seemed like a really friendly person, too.

“Where are my manners!” You gasped, realising that this guy probably didn’t even know your name and you were so freely opening his cupboards and stuffing them with food. It must have looked weird to him. Leaving Wong to unpack the rest by himself, you walked over to Stephen the second time this day, extending your hand to properly greet him. “It’s an honour to meet you, Doctor Strange.” You heard a lot about this man- the best neurosurgeon in the US, maybe even the world, who graduated young with 5 phDs and then became the sorcerer supreme within a few months of studying magic. It was impressive. You admired him in a way. Wong spoke of him highly as well. Although he did mention the doctor’s arrogance and his ‘dumbassery’ as your friend called it.

Stephen watched your hand move up and then stop midair between your bodies. You wanted to shake hands….

He didn’t have his gloves! What if you stared at them? Even unintentionally. He couldn’t let you see his hands without the gloves on. Maybe he should stop worrying about them so much. Stephen has been trying to put an end to his overthinking but it was harder than he thought. You didn’t seem like a judgy person though.

Before he could make a decision you already pulled your hand away. He didn’t even notice that his own moved behind his back- hiding from your eyes.

“Wong has told me plenty about you.” You smiled, knowing perfectly well that your friend didn’t want his colleague to know about that. “I’m glad I could finally meet you.”

“I’m grateful you decided to help us out.” Stephen spoke, not really knowing what he should say to you. He didn’t know you at all, meanwhile you seemed to know him pretty well. “Wong said you specialise in translating ancient languages.”

“That’s right! I have translated most of the books from the library in Kamar-Taj and a great amount of books from the London Sanctum.” You announced proudly.

“You always asked for those books when you were studying. You should thank our guest for providing your monolingual brain with all that knowledge.” Wong called as he put the last products in the fridge. The librarian was obviously not interested in your awkward ‘get to know each other’ conversation and would rather go back to gossiping with you about some of the masters from Hong Kong. He didn’t even get to the part where Master Emily was having an affair with Master Min and that they got married in secret two weeks ago.

“It was all you?” Stephen asked, surprised. During his stay in Kamar-Taj the doctor had read dozens of books- in the beginning of his journey with sorcery said books were mostly in English, but once he memorised them he started reading the versions of those books in the original languages. It helped him learn how to read sanskrit in two weeks. “I must say I’m impressed. They proved to be very helpful.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” You couldn’t stop smiling- it was rare to hear people praising you and you always got excited when that happened. “How many books do you have for me, Doctor?”

“Oh, yes, please follow me.” Before he could leave, Stephen turned around to Wong, “is it my turn or your turn to make dinner tonight?”

“It’s your turn.” The librarian spoke as he moved to exit the kitchen and walk to his own room.

It was Wong’s turn.

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“20 books?” You said, looking at the old tomes in Stephen’s office.

“I know it's a lot and I understand if you don’t want to do all of that-”

“You want them translated into English, right?” You asked and picked up the first book from the enormous pile, laying on the sorcerer’s desk.

“Yes, of course.” the sorcerer paced awkwardly around his room and watched as you went through the master’s guide to astral projection in mirror dimension. Was it embarrassing that the sorcerer supreme needed assistance to read books? The Ancient One didn’t need a translator and most of the Masters were fluent in more than one language. Stephen made a mental note to download duolingo. But did they teach Hebrew from two thousand years ago?

“Would you like me to translate it into any other languages?”

“How many do you know?” The doctor asked, curious.

“7 if we only count the old ones.” You answered and picked up another book, carefully inspecting its spine. Maybe if you find the time you will restore some of them as well.

“And if we count the new ones?”

“24.”

“How long will it take you to translate them?” Stephen changed the subject, feeling quite intimidated by your skills. He wouldn’t tell this to anyone, but last night he really needed to translate some notes and used Google to do it. Needless to say the spell was a disaster and the doctor swore to never use google translate for spells ever again. Even if he’s desperate.

Your eyes scanned the heavy tomes in front of you once more while your brain tried to calculate the amount of work you were about to begin.

“Two months. Maybe three.” You answered, putting your hands into the pockets of your black zip up hoodie. “I can start tonight.”

“Three months per book or-”

“All of them. I need to print the pages and then bind them into a new book and that will also take some time- hence three months.” You explained, knowing perfectly well that you would probably do it in two months. That’s if you were able to hide from Wong that you worked using your astral form in your sleep. He would never let you hear the end of it if he found out. “Now let’s talk about payment.” You walked around the desk and sat down at a little armchair in the corner.

Stephen stood frozen in place, watching you making yourself comfortable. He felt embarrassed because he didn’t take into consideration that you would want money for your services. Now that he thought of it he felt stupid for not thinking about it. The sorcerer’s hand wandered up his neck, scratching the skin on his nape as if that would help him come up with a solution.

“Oh dear, I was just kidding!” You laughed, covering your mouth with your palm. “I don’t want your money, Doctor.”

Those words made Stephen breathe out in relief. “Are you sure? You said it will take you three months. It wouldn’t be fair of me to expect you to do this for free.” Yes, Stephen didn’t have money, but the thought of you getting nothing in return for your hard work rubbed him the wrong way.

“You really don’t need to worry about money, Doctor.” You stood up and walked up to the pile of books again, your fingers tracing the spines as you continued- “I want to do this for the sanctum. Besides you letting me stay here is already enough. Those books are for the sorcerer supreme only and I’m honoured that you’re entrusting me with them even though we don’t know each other.”

“I’m happy to hear that because we are broke.” Stephen said, causing you to laugh again. You were a very nice person and Stephen liked your personality a lot. Your aura was friendly and kind which was something this place really needed. “I guess that means you’re hired!” The sorcerer joked.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Please call me Stephen.”

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Rubbing your eyes, you leaned back in your chair. A little desk lamp and your laptop were the only sources of light in the library. You couldn’t tell how late it was but you knew you should stop and call it a day. In the first two weeks of your stay in New York you have already done more than you expected. If you kept up that pace you would be done in less than two months, but working all day since sunrise and then writing in your astral form all night wasn’t healthy. Plus Wong started to be suspicious and took your sling ring so astral projecting was off the table for a while.

As much as you loved peace and quiet, the sounds of New York’s nightlife made you a bit nostalgic. Honking of a car, laughter of tourists- things like that would annoy most people, especially at this hour, but you missed it. You missed this city. Maybe once you were done with your work in the sanctum you would stay for a bit longer. Just because. And to be completely honest you really missed hanging out with Wong. It felt like a family reunion and you loved it. You didn’t know how much you needed this until now. It felt so good to be with people who genuinely cared about you and wanted you around. You haven’t felt wanted ever since your failed relationship a year ago. It was a very disappointing experience that damaged your confidence, but thankfully Wong was there to help you pick up the broken pieces like a good friend. Nights like this one always send your mind in all the wrong places.

“Can’t sleep?” Stephen’s voice called from the entrance, making you jump in your chair. Your hand rested on your chest, feeling the rapid beat of your heart caused by the person standing in the doorway. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” He smiled apologetically and put some papers on the desk next to yours. “Isn’t it a bit too late for that?” The doctor pointed at the white screen of your laptop with a cup of tea in his hand.

“I was actually going to take a break.” You announced with a yawn and stretched your arms over your head so hard your whole body shook. “I don’t have much left though and I could always rest after it’s done.”

The sorcerer hummed, looking at your screen. “You want to tell me that you have almost translated the whole book?” His eyes moved between the laptop, your notes and the heavy tome laying on the desk.

“Yes?”

“600 pages in less than two weeks?” Stephen took a sip of his already cold tea, cringing at the bitter taste.

“I'm actually finishing the second book.” You said, moving your arms around in hope it would ease the pain in your back. “Impressive, I know.” You joked, winking at the man sitting next to you.

“It actually is quite impressive.”

“My secret is Wong's black tea 5 times a day with three sugars and astral projection after midnight.” Stephen’s laugh echoed through the empty library, making you smile. The two of you didn’t spend much time together- he had his duties as sorcerer supreme and you were working on your translations. Neither of you wanted to disturb the other one. The only conversations you had so far were the ones around the dinner table with Wong. It was nice, but you wished you had more time to get to know Stephen. “Although he confiscated my sling ring so I can’t do that anymore.”

“It’s not healthy to use your astral form too often.” The man said, knowing he sounded like a hypocrite, but you didn’t have to know it. “Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

“Didn’t you use it every night back in Kamar- Taj to read?” You asked, amused by the look on Stephen's face.

“So he told you.”

“Wong tells me everything.” You grinned, narrowing your eyes playfully.

"Everything?" The doctor asked in a tone that sounded more like a dare. You weren't expecting the new sorcerer supreme to be such a chill person and you were glad that he liked to mess around sometimes. It made your stay at the sanctum a lot more fun than you thought it would be.

"Everything, including that one time you accidentally turned a student into a cat because you didn't read the spell correctly." You whispered, slowly gathering all of your notes and closing your laptop. You knew you wouldn't get anything else done that night. "But just so you know- Wong speaks very highly of you. He enjoys sharing those funny stories with me though."

"Good to know," Stephen grinned, feeling quite relieved that his colleague- friend- respects him beyond his occasional arrogance. "He has never told me anything about you before though." He said, sounding almost disappointed. Maybe Stephen and Wong weren't that close yet. They tend to talk about other students and masters, but never about their lives outside of the sorcery world. They should definitely change that.

"Is there anything you'd like to know, Doctor?" You stood up to throw away the pieces of paper that you didn't need anymore and stretched your legs a bit. It felt so good to move around like that after a whole day of sitting.

"It would be nice to get to know you better, but I think it's quite late and we both should be sleeping." The man said and yawned which made you yawn, too. Yeah, it was really late.

"I think you're right. I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone hold a conversation." Looking down at the desk you decided to clean the rest tomorrow. It wasn't going to run away.

"You could take a free day tomorrow and accompany me to London." Stephen suggested. You were a really nice person and the sorcerer liked your friendly spirit. You liked to joke around- even with Wong- and Stephen would lie if he said that he didn't wish for you to stay longer. He didn't feel so lonely with you around. Yes, you didn't talk much but he knew that you were always in the library with Wong and it made this place less…. lonely.

"I would like that! I haven't been to London in ages."

"Let me walk you to your door." The Doctor said, offering you his arm with a playful little bow.

The two of you stayed silent while you walked- neither of you had enough energy to talk anymore. The sound of your synchronised steps echoed through the empty halls. The distance from the library to your bedroom wasn't too long but it felt like eternity to get there. A free day was probably a good idea- you could feel the effects of your constant work and seriously needed a day to yourself.

The only words spoken between you were the whispered goodnights and the sanctum was dead silent again.

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"You want to tell me that one day you just went on a walk and accidentally walked into the sanctum in Hong Kong?" Stephen asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

The two of you decided to have brunch in a little cafe near the park- for you it was more like breakfast, but there was a 6 hour difference between NYC and London. The place was lovely and the chilly weather of early spring in England combined with the beautiful scenery of trees and the river made you smile.

You took a sip of your tea and smiled at the memory.

"I was a kid and didn't know I wasn't allowed there." You explained, trying to make sense of your actions from the past. "I was 8 and got bored so my grandmother told me to go play with other kids, but I got lost on my way to the playground and ended up in the sanctum." Stephen watched you carefully which meant he was really interested in the story. He rested his cheek on his hand and you continued, " I got really scared because I realised that I wasn't supposed to be there and when someone tried to talk to me I ran and hid in the library-" you had to laugh at that. Little you were terrified, but the older you found the story hilarious. "Wong found me an hour later crying under the desk and then walked me home."

"That's an adventure." The doctor laughed- the wrinkles under his eyes made themselves more prominent. It suited him. Happiness suited him.

"My grandma then made cookies and told me to give them to the nice man who got me back home." You smiled and took another sip of your drink. "And then I just kept coming there whenever I had time and hung out with Wong in the library. He made me his apprentice- although he was still just a student himself. I insisted and he couldn't get rid of me."

"Really?" The sorcerer would love to see the little you annoying Wong so much he had to make you his apprentice to shut you up.

"No, he actually asked if I wanted to study under him."

"Did you say yes?" A sudden blow of cold wind made the sorcerer shiver, but he didn't pay much attention to it. Talking with you felt so natural and it felt like you've been friends forever. It was nice to have this connection with someone. Stephen really needed to feel normal every once in a while and sitting with you outside of a cafe on a chilly afternoon in London made him feel normal.

"Take a guess, doctor."

"Right, that was a stupid question." Strange grinned, hiding his face in the hoodie he wore to shield himself from the wind. Stephen could tell you he wanted to go inside, but you seemed to enjoy the chilly weather. He wouldn't die if the wind picked up every now and then.

"There are no stupid questions." You said, playing with the remains of your tea that were too cold to enjoy anymore.

"I like your mindset, but as someone who worked in medicine for years I can tell you that some people ask very stupid questions."

"I can only imagine."

"So why is it that I have never met you before. I was in Kamar-Taj for a very long time and I visit other sanctums whenever I need to, which is pretty often." The doctor was curious how he managed to not see you even once during his stay in all those places.

"Oh, I left the sorcery world when I was older because I got into a university in Scotland. I still kept in touch with Wong and some other masters though. I even visited New York last year but it was only for the weekend and you weren't there."

"What did you study?"

"You will never believe when I tell you." You wiggled your eyebrows with a smirk on your face.

"Surprise me." Steohen said, already suspecting what your answer was going to be.

"I studied ancient languages and became a translator for an archeology centre in Greece when I graduated." You didn’t mention to him that you quit working in said centre after one of your colleagues broke your heart into a million pieces and walked all over it. He didn’t have to know about your failed romances. At least not yet.

"No way." The doctor fake gasped causing you to laugh again.

"Shocking, I know."

"I would have never expected it." He kept playing along, amused by your silly shenanigans. "Why languages? Was it like your passion or a hobby?" He asked, coming back to his more serious self.

"I always learned fast- I took Latin in school and then thought it would be fun to learn similar languages so my mom signed me up for French classes, I learned Spanish at home because I was tired of French and then took Swedish to change things a bit. Then there was Japanese, Korean and Hindu. And then when I started spending more time in Kamar-Taj I thought it would be very fun to be fluent in languages no one speaks anymore. It all just came natural to me. I was good at it so I decided to do it for a living." You explained; your gaze getting lost in the picture of the clouds changing their shapes. Taking a deep breath you tried to think of a good topic of conversation, but Stephen beat you to it and spoke again.

"That's really interesting. Your brain is fascinating."

"My brain you say?" You remembered that he used to be a doctor from what Wong told you, but you didn't know what kind.

"I mean- you possess so much knowledge I can only imagine how amazing your neural connections must be." Stephen continued, his hands flying around as the words left his mouth.

"That is the strangest compliment I have ever gotten- I love it." You put your hand on your chest, trying to show your gratitude. "Pun not intended."

Your afternoon was filled with fluid conversations that seemed to have no end. Stephen asked about your family, friends, hobbies. Being your polite self you asked them the same questions and found things that Wong didn't tell you.

For example, the sorcerer supreme used to play piano and was pretty good at it. His love for music extended farther than just listening to sounds- he also liked to create them. The doctor hid it well, but you could see the sadness in his eyes when he told you about his musical skills. It was because of his hands- that was for sure. They wandered down under the table, hiding from your eyes as he spoke about his passions. You had scars of your own- you understood the struggle.

But it was still painful to see- ever since you met him Stephen was nothing but confident in everything he did. Sometimes he walked the thin line between confidence and arrogance, but it was a part of his charm. He never was an asshole- not to you, not to Wong. Not even to that kid who tried to put graffiti on the sanctum's walls two days ago. At the end of the day Stephen- although still very much powerful- was just a man. A human being with insecurities.

"Did you play the banjo as well?" You asked resting your chin on your fist- elbows on the table.

"Just because I'm from Nebraska doesn't mean I know how to play the banjo." Stephen defended himself, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.

"Answer my question, Stephen." You demented, pointing a finger at him and trying to hold in your laughter. Stephen's lips formed a thin line. The red on his cheeks became more prominent- maybe it was the cold.

"Yes." The sorcerer mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I won't repeat myself."

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You’ve been in the New York sanctum for over a month now and it was the first time ever that all of you were in the library at the same time. Right after your morning tea the three of you headed there to do your own things- you wanted to finish translating the book on interdimensional herbs, Wong was going to fix a spine of his book of shadows meanwhile Stephen was trying to upgrade some spell. It was quiet, but very cosy. Almost domestic if you dared say that.

Speaking of Stephen- ever since that day in London you became pretty good friends. He talked to you more, made sure you took breaks when working. Sometimes he would invite you to go grocery shopping with him and Wong. Yeah, it was really domestic. You never expected the sorcerer supreme to be so friendly towards you, but you were glad he proved you wrong. You were happy to have a friend like him. This place really felt like home when Wong and Stephen were there with you. You really felt wanted.

Wong was basically family to you and you always felt wanted around him, but it really surprised you how hard Stephen was trying to make you feel at home. Making your favourite food for dinner, taking you on walks. One time you and the doctor were talking about movies and he even suggested a movie night. You accidentally fell asleep on his shoulder that time and Wong took a photo of it. It looked pretty cute- you had to admit that. But the more you looked at that polaroid- or thought about everything you did with Stephen- you realised that there might be something more between the two of you than friendship.

You saw each other every day- talked every day- for over a month now. Just a month but it felt like years. It scared you a bit. How quickly you were developing a crush on this man. And it wasn’t like you didn’t want to get involved with him romantically- Stephen was a great person. But your last relationship left a hole in your heart and even though a lot of time had passed since that failed romance you were still weary when it came to dating. Especially if the person of your interest was the most powerful sorcerer that you have met only a month ago! Plus you were literally working for this man.

It was a shame that you had to leave so soon. After you got your sling ring back you continued to work 24/7, translating 15 books in two weeks which was your new record. Wong had volunteered to book-bind a few pages, making your job even easier. Meaning that you would be done even faster. To be honest you didn’t want to go back to your job in ‘real life’. Yes, you loved it, but you didn’t realise how much you missed the world of sorcery until now.

You were torn between wanting to be a sorcerer again and having a normal life. Your fingers stopped typing as your eyes stared at the bright screen of your laptop- not really focusing on anything. The sound of your keyboard had been the only thing filling the silence. Now the air in the room was dead and empty. Looking around you watched as the two men worked on their own things and decided to take a short break- make some tea for the boys, stretch, think about your future. Stuff like that. And so you left quietly, knowing that neither of them probably even noticed that you were gone.

Little did you know that one of your friends was watching you all the time. Wong sensed that something wasn't right. The moment you picked up another book to translate your mood shifted. It was odd and Wong didn’t like seeing you like this.

“SHIT!” you shrieked as you turned around and saw the librarian, standing in the kitchen doorway. “I could have dropped the kettle!”

“Didn’t mean to scare you.” The man apologised and sat down at the table, trying to figure out how to even start this conversation with you. Deciding it would be easier to just rip the bandaid off he spoke again. “You seem sad today. Is everything alright?”

The question surprised you. “I didn’t think you’d notice.” You didn’t disagree. You didn’t see the point in hiding your feelings and you had always trusted Wong. You could tell him everything without the fear of being judged.

“I wanted to get this job done as quickly as possible-” you said, fiddling with the kettle in your hands. “And now that I'm almost done I don’t think I want to leave.”

“Then stay.” He smiled at the thought of you living in the sanctum again. This last month reminded Wong of the good old days when you used to share a house and do all kinds of stuff together from practising spells to folding laundry.

“Do you think Stephen would allow it?” you asked, shyly. The doctor was in charge of the sanctum after all so it all depended on him and his decision.

“He adores you! Of course he would allow it.” The librarian rolled his eyes when he said the word ‘adore’ which made your face feel a little bit warmer for some reason. “Just ask him about it. He will be thrilled to hear that you’re staying.”

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Another week passed and you still haven’t asked Stephen. Wong’s words made you rethink some things and reflect on everything that happened in the last month. Closing the book you’ve been working on for the past two days you realised that there’s only one of them left.

Your friend’s words played in your brain like a broken record.

‘He adores you’

You didn’t want that.

Okay, maybe you did, but you weren’t ready for that yet. You weren’t ready to get your heart broken again. Besides you weren’t planning on staying any longer than necessary so why even worry about it?

Laying on your bed, you stared at the white ceiling, trying to come up with a solution to your- not so little- problem when a knock on your door pulled you out of your head.

“Hi.” Stephen whispered- his head peeking from behind the door. “I saw the light in your room was still on and wanted to check on you.” The sorcerer invited himself in and leaned his shoulder on the wall.

Your eyes fell on the jar of cookies he was holding in his hands. Stephen’s gaze followed yours and the doctor smirked.

“I was going to eat them alone, but since I’m already here would you like one?” He said, taking a step forward and sitting at the edge of your bed. You moved, too- your back straight against the headboard. It created more distance between you which wasn’t really intentional, but you were glad that there was a bit more space. Of course you would love nothing more than to get closer to Stephen, but it was all happening so quickly. And you hated yourself for feeling that way.

“So…” The jar lid popped open and your friend took two cookies out of it, handing you one with a silent question. You took it without thinking twice; your fingers brushed and a shiver went down your spine. “You couldn’t sleep again?”

You signed, taking a bite and not really caring about the crumbs on your sheets.

“Not really.” You managed to say between the bites. Stephen observed you carefully- almost like he was studying your face and all your movements. You had plenty of conversations that started in this exact way. Usually you would talk the night away, but you weren’t in the mood to talk for so long.

“Is everything alright?” The sorcerer’s voice echoed through the room- it was deep and very soft. You loved listening to him talk, not only because you liked how his voice sounded, but also because he was always very nice to you when you two talked.

“Why shouldn’t it be?” You raised your brow, hugging your knees close to your chest to get some comfort.

“Wong said you’ve been ignoring him. And you’ve been ignoring me, too.” The doctor mimicked your pose, now fully sitting on your bed. “I know we don’t know each other as long as you and Wong do, but I still care about you. You are my guest and I would be a horrible host if I didn’t care about your wellbeing.”

You knew he said it to make you feel better- to make sure that you knew that you could trust him. And you did. You trusted Stephen. But not with your feelings. You weren’t even sure what those feelings were.

Were you just excited that you made a new friend and mistook that excitement for romantic attraction? He gave you his attention, but this was what people did when they wanted to be friends with someone. Strange smiled at you once and you were convinced you developed a crush on him. It was pathetic how much you craved love that you were seeing it everywhere even if it wasn’t true.That was probably the reason your last relationship was a disaster. You went into it too quickly and then were surprised that it didn’t work out. You needed more time to think about it- your feelings for Stephen. He was a good friend and you would hate to lose that.

“I really appreciate it, Stephen.” You said with a genuine smile on your face. There was still some uncertainty in your eyes. “I think I’m just a little tired. I tend to overwork myself sometimes.”

“That makes the two of us then.” He smirked and pulled out another cookie. Stephen handed you the jar and you moved closer to him, decreasing the gap between your bodies. “I saw that you have just one book left to translate.”

“Yeah-” You sighed a bit too loud, ignoring the sorcerer’s gaze. “Wong said he would bind them all so I will probably be gone by the end of the next week.” You said, feeling a weird squeeze in your chest. You didn’t know why you felt like that. You leaving wouldn’t be the end of the world! You would still keep in touch with Wong- you have for all those years. So why was it affecting you so much this time?

Stephen stood up, clearing his throat quietly. The man stood up, leaving the cookie jar on your blanket and wiped his hands clean on his pyjama pants.

“You are welcome to stay longer if you want.” The doctor announced and slowly made his way to the door. “Wong and I- we love having you around. I wanted you to know that.”

Stephen left, letting you be alone with your thoughts.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

“Do you really want to go back to your old job though?” Wong asked, taking a sip of his morning tea. You liked to talk about many things with him, especially in the morning while you prepared breakfast. But the topic of your old job was making you nervous. It wasn’t really about the job itself- you liked what you were doing. The issue was people- or rather a person- who was still working there. It’s been almost a year since you left and your side gigs couldn’t pay all of your bills. You were happy when Wong called you and asked if you could come by to help translate some stuff, but you were here almost two months and felt like you should leave soon. You wouldn’t have to figure out your feelings for Stepehn if he wasn’t around.

“I have to make money somehow.” You flipped a pancake and put on a fake smile.

“You could find something here in New York. And you wouldn’t have to worry about rent since you’d be living here.” Your friend proposed.

It wasn’t a bad idea- now that you think of it it was an excellent idea. You really couldn’t argue with that.

“I will think about it.”

“That’s all you’ve been doing lately.”

Why was it so hard for you to open up to Wong now? You never had a problem with that before. Taking a deep breath you decided to rip the bandaid off.

“I think I have feelings for Stephen.” You breathed out, looking at your dear friend and waiting for his response. All you got was a hysterical laugh.

“That’s a good one!” Wong said, slapping his knee repeatedly. “Oh dear, I love your jokes.”

But you didn’t laugh.

“No- you’re-” the librarian lowered his tone, almost whispering. “No.”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

That was a good question. Were you sure?

“I don’t know.” A tear rolled down your face- you didn’t even know why you were so emotional about it. You didn’t even know for sure and you were making such a scene. Putting your face in your hands you shook your head and cried. “I don’t know, Wong!”

You were trembling and breathing heavily in your friend’s arms and didn’t even notice that you were walking somewhere- the librarian guiding you. You couldn’t see well because of the tears, but you recognised the outline of your room. Your knees hit something soft and if Wong didn’t turn you around you would flop on the bed face first.

It took you half an hour to calm down.

You missed breakfast that day, too.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Taking a deep breath you put your sweater on and exit the library. You tried to do something productive, but nothing was going your way today. First the fiasco in the kitchen, then you isolating for the rest of your day and now sneaking out to the library when everyone else was asleep. What was going on with you?

Your stomach spoke, demanding food. You weren’t surprised- you haven’t eaten anything at all. And you really should do that. You can’t keep destroying yourself because of one tiny inconvenience.

Your bare feet walked through the wooden floors leading to the small kitchen you love so much.

“Midnight snack?” Someone spoke, making you jump and bump your leg into a chair. “I’m so sorry.” The familiar voice apologised, gently putting a hand on your shoulder to see if everything was alright. “I thought you saw me.”

“It’s fine.” You shrugged it off, massaging your knee to ease the pain a little. “I wasn’t paying attention.” You straightened your back and realised how close to you Stephen was.

Your heart skipped a beat.

“Would you like some tea? I was gonna make myself a cup.” The sorcerer proposed, taking a step back and giving you space.

Playing with the sleeves of our sweater you jumped on the counter- your favourite place to sit- and nodded. “I would kill for a cup of tea right now.”

“No killing will be necessary. I will do it willingly.” Stephen smirked, taking two ceramic mugs out of the upper cupboard. You noticed that one of them was your favourite mug- you used it literally every day and Stephen was a very observant person so it shouldn’t be surprising that he knew what you used to drink and from where. “The usual?” He asked, throwing a kitchen towel over his shoulder like a bartender, making you giggle.

“Make it double.” You said, playing along.

“So what brings you here at this hour?” The doctor asked, pouring the hot water into your mugs and then putting the tea inside.

“I wanted to get some work done, but I couldn’t focus.” You explained. Your friend handed you your tea and you thanked him with a shy smile.

“Wong said you had a really bad anxiety attack this morning-” the man hopped on the counter right next to you, his baby blues looking at you with some kind of softness you haven’t seen in him before. “-and I know you probably don’t want to talk about it which is fine-” he spoke, not really knowing where he was going with it. He wanted to make you feel better, but Stephen wasn’t the best at expressing his emotions. He was going to try though. For you. “-but i want you to know that you can trust me and I can find you some professional help if you need it. I know a few people who would be able to help.”

“I don’t-” you tried to defend yourself, but your voice shook. “I’m not crazy. I don’t need it!”

“Where is this coming from?” The doctor asked, confused . “Therapy can be for everyone no matter what and there’s nothing wrong with getting help.” He turned to you to get a better look at your face. He looked surprised by your little outburst, but he knew there was more to the story.

“You think so?” Suddenly you felt small. You have been to therapy before, but your ex wasn’t really supportive of that. You were called a variety of names. You were shamed and gaslighted into believing that you seeking help was a sign of weakness. That’s why you stopped going. You stopped taking your meds. And when you hit the rock bottom your partner decided that you weren’t worth all the trouble and left. You were scared of asking for help again- it was a weird fear, but it just wouldn’t let go of you.

“I know it.” Stephen’s gentle voice made you tear up a bit. “I’m no psychologist, but I have contacts. If you want I can accompany you to the first session. Or Wong.” He put your arm around you, drawing random shapes on your shoulder in a soothing motion.

You gave in and embraced him, throwing your arms around his neck and sobbing quietly.

“Thank you, Stephen.” You whispered and felt his hold on you tightening.

“Did anyone ever tell you that it was wrong to go to therapy?” The doctor asked in a hushed voice. He didn’t break the hug.

“You could say that.” You sniffled, face still hiding in his chest. You were sure there was already a wet spot from all your tears on his shirt. “An ex of mine had very strong opinions about me taking meds and going to therapy.”

“What a dick.” Stephen huffed, anger radiated from him. If he ever met that person he would send them to some crazy dimensions to fuck with their mind. “They didn’t deserve you.”

“There’s a reason this person is an ex.” You smiled sadly and took a deep breath. “Wong had already kicked that asshole’s butt so don’t worry.” You giggled at the memory. Violence was never the answer, but in that case it was really appreciated. “But ever since then I was kinda scared of reaching out, you know?”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Your friend’s hand wandered from your shoulder up to your hair and gently massaged your scalp, making you melt in his arms. “I will make some calls first thing in the morning. You should see someone as soon as possible. Especially if you need medication.” He said. You could hear the determination in his voice. Stephen was nothing like your last partner. He really cared. He supported you and wanted the best for you. And even if there could never be anything more than friendship between you you would still be happy to have him in your life. “When was the last time you took your meds.”

"I'm embarrassed to say." You straightened your back and let your hands fall from Stephen's neck. He was still holding you, knowing you still needed some comfort.

"You don't have to tell me, but please mention it to your therapist, okay?" The sorcerer gave your shoulder a light pat and hopped off the counter. "Our tea is getting cold." You smiled and followed your friend to sit at the table. You saw him taking a sip from his tea and cringe. "The bags were in the water for too long. It's really bitter."

You sighed, putting the mugs in the sink. It was probably a sign that you should go back to your room.

"There's a place 3 blocks away with great Thai food." Strange looked at you with a silent question. You couldn't say no to food, but you weren't sure if it was a good idea to go out so late. "They also have great tea and I know for a fact that they are still open." He sensed your hesitation, but refused to leave you alone in your room with your thoughts. You had to get away from here- even if it was just for a few minutes. "I'm paying."

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Walking side by side with Stephen, your arms in your pockets to shield them from the cold midnight air, you looked around to see plenty of people doing all kinds of stuff. New York truly never slept. It was a part of its charm.

The doctor offered you his arm when a group of tourists passed through the crowd, almost pulling you in with them. You liked big cities, but you absolutely hated the crowds. You hooked your hand in the place between Stephen's arm and his elbow, holding it tightly. It didn’t take long for you to get to the restaurant Stephen told you about. You visited many places like this with the boys when neither of you wanted to cook anything, but this building wasn’t familiar to you.

Stephen opened the door for you like the gentleman he was and as you stepped inside you were hit with a variety of smells. Your stomach reminded you of its existence once more and you were sure everyone in the room could hear it.

Your friend waved his hand at the older lady behind the counter with a smile on his face. He gestured at the small table in the corner- hidden from everyone’s eyes- and took your jacket. Taking two menus from the wooden napkin holder in the middle of your table, Stephen handed you one, his cold fingers leaving a feather-like sensation on your palm.

“Their green curry is delicious.” The sorcerer said, turning his menu around and pointing at the picture on top.

“I will have to take your word for that, Doctor.” You smirked actually feeling some happiness in you after the entire day of sleeping in your depression cave you called the bedroom.

“What tea would you like?” He asked, tapping a finger on his knee to the beat of the song playing from the radio. Your eyes scanned the pages of the little book in your hands. Stephen was watching you while you tried to make a choice. You looked adorable with your hair a bit messy from the wind, biting your lip deep in thought. The sorcerer smiled- you couldn’t see it, but the look he gave you was full of adoration.

“I think I will get the Thai Ice Tea.” You announced, putting your menu aside. Turning your head to face Stephen you noticed that he was staring and immediately became self conscious. “Do I have something on my face?”

“What? No it’s just-” The doctor straightened his back, blushing. The awkward pause between you was interrupted by the waitress who appeared at your table.

“Stephen! It’s so good to see you here, honey.” The older woman you saw earlier behind the counter pinched the man’s cheek in an affectionate manner. The sorcerer groaned, but couldn’t hide the smile on his face. “What can I get you today, sweetie?”

“It’s good to see you too, Malee. You look beautiful as ever.” The doctor leaned back in his chair and put on his charming smile. “Did you get a haircut?”

“Oh, I did!” the woman giggled, taking a pen out of her pocket. “But the flattery won’t give you a discount.”

“It was worth a try.” The sorcerer shrugged. You watched this exchange with a huge grin. You were enjoying their little interaction. It was kinda sweet. “We would like two plates of green curry and two ice teas.”

Malee quickly wrote down your order and put the pen back into the pocket of her jeans. “I will bring you your drinks right away.” She said, tugging her long grey hair behind her ear.

“I will go get them, just tell me when they’re done!” Stephen called as the woman walked through the door leading to the kitchen. “She has really weak hands, she shouldn’t carry anything heavy.” Your friend explained, turning back to you.

“She’s a lovely lady.” You mentioned, trying to change the subject. You wanted to keep a steady conversation, fearing that if you fell silent your thoughts would spiral in the wrong direction again. “Very lively.”

“She is just the sweetest.” The doctor’s smile made the wrinkles under his eyes stand out. He looked good like that. “Wong and I come here very often when we pull all-nighters.”

“I can see why.” You looked around, your eyes scanning the art on the walls and the curtains that matched the floor. “It’s very cosy here.”

You didn’t realise it, but you were swaying to the music playing through the speakers. You were enjoying the moment of peace and Stephen’s presence helped with that a lot. You also didn’t notice when the sorcerer stood up to get your tea. He put the glasses on the table and gave you a smile. A teenage boy walked behind him with a tray of your food. And oh, you were so excited to finally eat something after a long day. You were all set when Melee came up to you with a little candle and matches. She put it in the middle of the table, surprising both you and Stephen.

“Enjoy your date.” She winked at you and left, leaving both of you out of words.

“I just want to clarify that I didn’t intend for it to be a date.” Stephen said, awkwardly scratching his neck.

“Oh, yeah. I-” You didn’t want to let it show, but you were a little hurt by his response.

“It’s just- you had a really rough night and I-I wanted to provide some comfort.” The sorcerer explained, stumbling over his own words.

“I understand, Stephen. It’s really okay.” You took a sip of your tea- the flavours melting on your tongue made your stomach calm down a bit. You were fighting back your tears- you didn’t want to ruin the night even more.

“And besides, a restaurant seems a little cliche for a date.” The doctor cleared his throat and took a fork in his right hand. “If I was to ask you out on a date it would be something special.” He mumbled, but you heard him perfectly clear. “If you agreed, of course.”

“Really?” You asked- your voice still felt weak, but there was a bit of hope behind your eyes. “You would ask me on a date if you knew I would say yes?”

“I would ask you regardless of your answer and handle rejection like a big boy.” He said in a joking tone, but you knew he meant that. “But the timing doesn’t seem right right now, does it?” He smiled sadly at you and got busy with his food.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked, trying to decipher the meaning of Stephen’s words.

“I mean-” Your friend took a deep breath, looking you deep in the eyes. “You are still working for me. You are also living in a place where I’m technically the boss. I’m about to help you find a therapist.” Stephen explained. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to agree to go on a date with me just because you feel like you should.”

You were taken aback by this answer- not in a bad way. It showed that Stephen really cared about you. You never felt like you owed him anything, but he took your valuable state of mind into consideration which made you feel really appreciated. He wanted to make sure that you would feel comfortable in this relationship- that you wouldn’t feel trapped and obligated to being with him.

“I really appreciate that, Stephen.” You smiled, taking a spoonful of rice. “I wouldn’t say no if you asked me- not because I live under your roof. You are a great man and anyone would be lucky to have you.” A familiar warmth creeped up your face. It made you feel like a middle school child having their very first crush.

Stephen’s eyes shyly wandered around the room. Your words made his heart beat faster. He had to run the conversation in his head twice to make sure you really just said what he thought you said. The sorcerer wasn’t the best at showing his feelings- especially romantic ones- but with you it seemed to be much easier.

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see where it gets us.” Strange replied, looking at you one more time. You locked eyes and smiled.

And for the first time in ages you didn’t worry about the future.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

“How was your session today?” Wong greeted you with a hug and a cup of fresh tea as you entered the kitchen. The smell of cheese hit your nostrils, making you salivate. Home sweet home.

“It was pretty good.” You said, taking a sip of your hot beverage.”I will probably get new meds soon.”

“That’s fantastic!” The librarian cheered.

Ever since Stephen helped you start therapy again you became more alive. You didn’t realise how much stuff affected your mental health until now. You’ve been going to that Doctor for 3 months now and you couldn’t believe how much changed in such a short amount of time. You were going easy on yourself- you were slowly unlearning your old self destructive behaviours like working 24/7 without a break or bottling up your emotions. Wong was very supportive and helped in any way he could. In some way your therapy helped him relax a bit. He promised to take you on a hike every weekend- something you loved doing when you were younger- and he didn’t say it often, but he loved that, too. It was your quality time with Wong. Even if he had a ton of work to do he always made sure to finish before the weekend, not wanting to miss that time with you.

And then there was Stephen. You’ve been in New York for almost 6 months now and Stephen was nothing but kind to you. Your relationship progressed very quickly and the two of you became best friends in no time. Of course there was still the question of your feelings, but you both agreed to give it time. But with every passing day you fell more and more for him. Little did you know that the sorcerer supreme felt the same way. He was still shy around you at times, but you always made sure you were both comfortable no matter what you were doing. You spent plenty of time together from practising spells to watching movies. You cherished all these moments.

You finished translating the last book a few weeks ago- Stephen and Wong insisted that you take a break and focus on your health. Work could always wait. The librarian convinced you to let him bind those books by himself so that you could have more free time. Those guys were the best thing that had ever happened to you.

“Is that lasagna I smell?” The doctor walked into the kitchen through a portal and took a seat right next to you.

“It is!” Wong said, proudly as he took the dish out of the oven and put it on the table. “Did you bring the wine?” He asked, looking around in hope to find a bottle.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.” Stephen said, setting the table for the three of you. “I can go get it. There’s a few more bottles in the basement.”

“No, it’s fine. I will get them.” The librarian said and walked out of the room. He used it as an excuse to leave you and Stephe alone but you didn’t have to know that.

“I heard your session went well today.” The sorcerer spoke, sitting down on his chair.

“It really did.” You smiled, following his lead.

“What are your plans for today?” Your friend asked, wanting to make some small talk before executing his little plan and asking you out. This time officially.

“Oh, I think I have a date.” You said with a sprinkle of uncertainty in your voice.

Stephen was stunned by your answer- a little bit hurt, too. It wasn’t like you had swore to go on a date with him, but the things were going so well between you the doctor assumed you felt the same. Apparently that wasn’t the case and Stephen respected your decision.

“Oh, a date?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if he agrees though. He’s kinda busy with sorcery stuff and all that.” You bit your lip, trying to stop yourself from smiling.

Stephen exhaled in relief, with a smirk on his face.

“I’m sure he will find some time for you.” He announced, playing along. “He already cleared out his schedule for you.”

You giggled like a little kid, taking Stephen’s hand in yours and placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “It’s a date then, doctor.”

“I believe it is.”

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Stephen Strange Tag List: @gaitwae @funsized-mimi @queenjosielaufeyson @mischiefmanaged71 @eternal-silvertongued-prince @thatasgardianprince

#stephen strange x reader #doctor strange x reader #gender neutral reader #slow burn #mutual pining #doctor stephen strange x reader #stephen strange fanfiction #doctor strange fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #stephen strange #doctor strange

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thoradvice · 3 years ago

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hi !! long time no see, huh ? i checked when i last was active at all here, and it was over six months ago, now ! that’s insane to me. what’s even more insane is that people are still sending asks, and following, and commenting and reblogging, despite my overwhelming inactivity. i hope you all had a wonderful holiday season & that the new year is treating you kindly.

i’ve been planning on making a post here for a while, but i wanted to think it over, first. for a start, i don’t even use tumblr anymore. i open the app about once a week, and even that’s accidentally. i don’t really have time anymore, in all honestly. i used to love running this blog, and my main. but i’m focused on school, and university applications, and hobbies, and my loved ones, and my own recovery, now.

this blog is coming up four years old now. that’s crazy to me. i was fourteen when i made this !!!! i just turned eighteen last month. fourteen year old evan / thor never thought she’d make it to fifteen, let alone eighteen. when things started to really get bad for me, around age thirteen, i told myself i would be dead before eighteen. that i’d never let myself suffer that long. that there was no point, because i’d never amount to anything. i was self-harming every day. i was in a bad relationship. i didn’t have a single friend. i hated myself.

things are .. different now, to say the least. for a start, i did make it to eighteen ! i’m 133 days clean from self-harm, which is something i never thought i’d be able to say. i’m in a loving relationship with a wonderful person. i have a close-knit group of friends who love me. i have hobbies i enjoy, a cat i adore, i’m top of my class again, and i just sent off my university applications. yeah .. very different.

it’s been .. rough. 13yr old evan was right about the suffering part, at least. i went through hell, and i’m still there a lot of the time. but at least i know now that there is a light on the other side, and that there is a way back to it. that things aren’t hopeless, or empty, or meaningless. the biggest revelation i’ve had is that .. small joy is just as important as big joy. maybe i’ll never travel the world, or change it, or become some lawyer or brain surgeon. i don’t necessarily need that big joy. small joys of reading new books and baking cookies and going on walks are enough. they always will be enough. it’s okay if your light in the darkness isn’t some great shining beacon of hope. often, it’s tiny pinpricks of light that make it easier. sometimes the thought of fresh coffee and petting your cat is enough to get you through. this mentality has saved me in more ways than i can express.

i decided to post today, because is stumbled across the kind of journal / diary / life record i kept at age thirteen to fourteen. i recorded my suicide attempts in here, too. today was one of them. today, four years ago, i tried to end my life. and i can’t quite fathom the amount of things i’d have missed out on, if i’d succeeded. i’d never have fallen in love. i’d never have met my best friends. i’d never have adopted my cat, and she’d have probably died on the street. i’d never have discovered any of my favourite tv shows or books or video games. i’d never have found my favourite places to walk. i’d never have had my first kiss. i’d never have gotten a taste of happiness and recovery. i’d never have realised that i’m actually kind of a cool person who deserves good things. and now, every time those suicidal thoughts start to creep back in, i think about what i’d miss four years from now if i killed myself. graduating university? loving myself? new friends, new books, new shows? all the places i’ve never seen and would never see?

cavetown has been my favourite artist for also four years, next month, and i was exceedingly lucky to see him live in november 2018, just before my fifteenth birthday. then, i cried because he played the song i listened when i self-harmed, when i wrote a suicide note, when i walked around my town looking for way to end my life. i had the pleasure of seeing him live again, november of 2021, just before my eighteenth birthday. this time, when he played that song, i cried for the part of myself who knew only pain and suffering and thought that those things were the only way to deal with that. i cried because .. i want to live more than i used to want to die. i tried to end my life more times than i have fingers on one hand, and for me to be able to say that last sentence is honestly kind of remarkable and mindblowing. i know some of you wonderful people have been following me and my posts the whole time, and i know you’ll know what that means to me, too.

i know that there will always be rough times. that i will never not be mentally ill, or neurodivergent. that money will always be scarce for myself and my family for a long time. that i’ll always struggle in some way. but i also know that there is more than that pain and suffering, and that they’ll eventually become smaller and less meaningful with time. realising that is the best gift i will ever give to myself.

this post is far, far longer than i thought it’d be. but i hope that anyone out there who’s struggling finds themself at all in these words, and know that it will always improve. that there are so many small joys in your life for you to find, and so many people waiting to meet you. you’re a light in this world.

#i've made my peace with being mentally ill and autistic but i will always always hate being poor as shit #anyway #i love you all <3 #personal #thor speaks #do not reblog

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airplanelanding · 4 years ago

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Merlin/Arthur Fic Rec List

This is going to be a long post, so the recs start blow the cut!

I wanted to make a fic rec list!! So, here I am. Should be doing my uni homework that's due tonight but I am a terrible procrastinator.

I will probably make another one later on when I have more time that is more organized, but this one is in no particular order.

Last Updated 23 Sept. 2021

Also, quickly, a big thank you to @kickassfu for the making gif above for this post, ilysm Maf!!

Onto the fics!

Unsaid Love by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Return Fic; Angst with a Happy Ending

Wordcount: 4,022

Quick Summary: Songfic for the song Unsaid Emily from Julie & the Phantoms. Follows Merlin through the years as every century on Arthur's birthday more and more of a song is revealed to him when he goes to sleep. [Regency setting fic]

-- I am still not over this fic of @aeonthedimensionalgirl's, this fic is literally incredible. It is so good. I recommend reading it with Unsaid Emily playing on repeat in the background.

The Wisdom Of The Ages by tehfanglyfish

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Fluff; Getting Together

Wordcount: 4,200

Quick Summary: "Saving Arthur while disguised as Dragoon the Great was all well and good until the king decided the old sorcerer deserved a reward. On the run from Arthur, Merlin finds sanctuary in an elderly women's social club. What was supposed to be a one-time visit becomes a regular part of Merlin's week, as he returns each Friday to discuss recipes, commiserate about aches and pains, and lament the state of his love life." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Such a good fic, honestly, like. Merlin befriends Camelot's elderly ladies. Need I say more? It's great.

Forgetful Days by OnceFutureEmrys

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Fluff; Modern AU

Wordcount: 620

Quick Summary: "Arthur is very forgetful. Luckily, Merlin is there to help." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Seriously, @oncefutureemrys this fic is so cute and it's just great, def recommend it

Home in Your Arms by OnceFutureEmrys

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Pining; Fluff; Modern AU

Wordcount: 1,574

Quick Summary: "Arthur is missing Merlin when when he hears someone knocking on the door..." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Yes, another one from OFE, because I love her and her fics. This fic is so sweet, it is a modern University AU!

Ink On A Page by Hisa_Ai

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Pining; Fluff

Wordcount: 2,170

Quick Summary: Merlin writes his feelings on parchment, because if they are on paper, they are just words on a page, and not really his and didn't hold any meaning. One day Arthur notices him writing on one of these pieces of parchment.

-- Literally so beautiful. I loved this fic so much, and I recommend it so much. It is a canon era confessions fic, and it's just so good.

Fool Me Once by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Type: Humor; Magic Revealed; Dark Humor

Wordcount: 18, 728

Quick Summary: "Uther finds out about Merlin’s magic, but can’t seem to kill him. Merlin is just trying to protect Arthur. They become a begrudgingly effective duo. Arthur doesn't understand why they think he isn't noticing this." - Summary directly from AO3

-- I mean, can I just recommend this entire series? Seriously, the series this fic is in is just--excellent. I love this fic. It has Immortal Merlin and Uther Knowing about his magic. Seriously, though, just this series is amazing ahah Exceptionally Exceptional, Calling the Middleman, Returning the Favor, In Which Arthur Lets a Sorcerer Live and Regrets It, just to name a few, are incredible and I definitely recommend reading them.

for my beating heart is far too small for the entirety of my love for you by kickassfu

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Fluff; Established Relationship

Wordcount: 1,566

Quick Summary: Arthur is trying to learn a little magic to surprise Merlin at his coronation after their wedding.

-- So, I actually gave @kickassfu the prompt for this one. And oh my gods. How they did it? So soft, sweet. It is so good, and I 100% recommend you check it out!

That’s my Man by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Emotional Hurt/Comfort; Magic Revealed; Arranged Marriage; Angst with a Happy Ending

Wordcount: 2,287

Quick Summary: "By ancient, prophesied law, Arthur Pendragon must wed Emrys.

Problem is no one knows who they are." - Summary directly from AO3

-- I told you Aeon would be on here again! Love this fic so much. Love magic reveals, love arranged marriages. Seriously, this is great.

the house is flooded (as is his heart) by powered_by_notes

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Domestic Fluff; Return Fic

Wordcount: 2,281

Quick Summary: Arthur leaves to do some work in town, and Merlin runs into a bit of trouble with the cottage and their chickens while he's gone.

-- They have chickens. Enough said. No but really, this is so good, they live in a cottage and they have chickens and I definitely recommend this fic.

Emrys the Really, Truly Terrible by lindenwaverly

Rating: Teens & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Magic Reveal, Emrys Reveal

Wordcount: 15,241

Quick Summary: Arthur has repealed the ban on magic, but Merlin still hasn't come clean about his identity. The issue comes in where, Arthur wants Emrys to be his Court Sorcerer

-- literally. cackled. this is so great, i loved this one. i read it in the morning and do not regret it one bit. some of the dialogue just killed me. it's a great fic, and you should definitely read it.

Arthur Pendragon's Business Judgment Rule by oddishly

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Woke Up Married

Wordcount: 27,459

Quick Summary: "Arthur and Merlin wake up married. Camelot is in the middle of treaty negotiations with a visiting king. It's okay, Arthur has a plan." - Summary directly from AO3

Lord Drake's Bequest by Pennyplainknits

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Type: Modern Era, Fake Relationship

Wordcount: 9,966

Quick Summary: " "To my great-nephew Arthur I bequeath Tintagel Distribution, wholly and without reserve, save for one condition. You must marry, and stay married, for a period of no less than six months. You're a wonderful businessman Arthur, but a full life needs love and companionship, not just a string of affairs. Settle down young Arthur, and your life will be the richer for it." " - Summary directly from AO3

of all things magic, a cerulean haze by powered_by_notes

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warning: None Apply

Type: Magic Reveal

Wc: 7,092

Summary: "When Arthur goes missing, Merlin goes off on his own searching for him. He knows to look for things that the others simply do not and has things at his disposal that the others, again, simply do not.

. . .Magical things, of course.

In all his power, worry, anger, and relentless searching, he has no idea the missing king is being shown all the things that Merlin is doing with that power.

. . .Magical things, of course." - Summary directly from AO3

-- Loved this sm. Gods, I was supposed to read this ages ago, but only FINALLY just found the time to last night and it was so great. Arthur is kidnapped while out doing smth for Merlin and it's just really good.

On the Run by Sorceressofdragons

Rating: E

Archive Warnings: None Apply

Type: Modern AU

Wordcount: 18,155

Summary: After an unsuccessful attempt on their lives, new neighbours Arthur and Merlin decide to take off into the woods. Their destination is Morgana’s country estate, but these two city boys don’t know anything about survival—so if the foxes don’t get them, the lack of Monster Munch might. Featuring sex mishaps, weird food, walking in circles, and some obligatory cuddling. Oh, and Merlin is hung. - Summary directly from AO3

-- fucking KILLED me. This was just -- it was great. Literally, from the start I SWORE i knew the who and why only to discover I was totally off with the *why* and it was fantastic.

Hear Your Heart Sing (Love, Love, Love) by schweet_heart

Rating: Mature

Archive Warnings: None Apply

Type: Soulmate Au, Modern Au

Wordcount: 15,834

Summary: Merlin used to like the idea of finding The One – until he fell in love with Arthur Pendragon. Now he has a boss he can't date (but can't stop thinking about), a soulmate he can't find (who has terrible taste in music), and a best friend who can't believe he still hasn't got his act together (even though it's seriously not his fault).Sometimes, life is unfairly complicated, even without your soulmate singing painfully catchy tunes in the back of your head. - Summary directly from AO3

-- This one was just great. The soulmates, the songs, the misunderstandings--it was great. I loved this one.

Note to Idiot by tinylilremus

Rating: Teen & Up

Archive Warnings: None Apply

Type: Harry Potter AU, Modern AU

Wordcount: 9,762

Summary: Arthur and Merlin are members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad who work different shifts and share the same office. Arthur, who works the day shift, can't stand the rain. Merlin, who works the night shift, can't concentrate without it.

When they both get tired of changing the weather in the magical window in their underground office, is there a more British way to settle their differences than with a few passive-aggressive memos? - Summary directly from AO3

-- HP AU! A Ministry AU at that! I literally. I loved this so much. Merlin & Arthur are both in the AMRS, different shifts, and it's just hnsdsjdkh it's so good. Really, it's great. And we get to see them on the job a bit!!! Which is fun. This one is def a great one to read, esp if you like HP AUs

as stated previously, this list is being frequently updated with more fics!!!

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little-lonely-flower · 4 years ago

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@leiuas So let’s pretend I didn’t forget to give you Killugon hc/fics dkdjdjsk

Headcanons

Gon: He gets taller than Killua (because I said so), he confesses first (even if Killua knew about his feelings for a longer time). He takes a liking to write his thoughts in a kind of diary of sorts so he can be more aware of his own feelings. He feels lonely every now and then and walks the island feeling like Killua’s at his side but he isn’t. He has freckles, he uses shorter hair. Nanika seems to like him a lot since she knows he loves Killua too. He got a lot more thoughtful and melancholic but he's still cheery and lively when he's really happy.

Killua: He lets his hair grow a bit till it reaches his shoulders and lets Alluka use him as an experiment subject to try on make up, hairstyles, etc. He sends Gon pictures of everything he sees that could be of interest to him and sometimes he buys him souvenirs he think Gon would “need”. He was initially scared to talk to Gon about his feelings but with time, he ends up wanting to confess but panics because he doesn’t find the perfect moment (or whatever that means) and Gon ends ups confessing first.

Killugon: They actually write and talk to each other. At first there was radio silence for a while, till Killua breaks it because he saw some weird plants he thought Gon would love to see. Killua always goes to visit Gon on his birthdays and gives him all the souvenirs he’s been saving in the last year. After the confession, they just talk for hours about their feelings and adventures together and there’s like 0 romantic advance because both of them are pretty restrained. But they figure it out later. Gon wants to take Killua on a date but Killua takes the lead this time and does his best to make the perfect date. When Gon finishes school, he goes to travel with Killua and his sisters. They love stargazing together and one of their main plans for when they start travelling together again is to go to different parts of the world where the night sky is unique. They still wake up to meditate and practice "nen" even if Gon can't use it

Oh man, I think this is already so long and I haven’t posted the fic recommendations...I’ll put them nonetheless

Fics recommendations

The "A Song in the wind" series (Pirate AU)

1. a song of the wind

2. when dawn breaks

3. the enchantment of vipers

5 Times Gon Was Jealous (5 times Gon was jealous in the canon)

Lead the Way (reunion fic)

Starcatcher (Fantasy AU where people can catch stars and stars have human form)

Stardust to Stars (sci-fi fic where humanity is conquering the stars and Gon still wants to find Ging)

I Want Something (Just Like This) (Madoka Magica AU)

Hands (set on episode 37)

star's gaze (Killua visits Gon)

sleep hides my swimming eyes (Hotarubi No Mori E AU)

Fingertips (Post canon)

hello, my old heart (post canon, focused on Killua's feelings)

bust in here with his life in your hands (post canon where Gon and Killua get injured)

hiraeth (They meet again in another life...Kinda)

time can't capture (post canon where they travel together)

If I'm A Star, You're The Moon (Gift exchange, so cute)

what was left behind, what we found again (magic AU, they were friends and fell apart)

the shape of longing (they miss each other. Post canon)

Call This Home (Killua's jealous)

Imaginary Friend (reincarnation AU, kinda dark?)

Airmail (reunion fic in which Gon kinda confesses accidentally)

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS 12 YEAR OLD (Modern setting AU where Gon and Killua met once and lose contact)

your x last x goodbye (Killua refused Ikalgo's help)

Perspective (Gon and Killua's relationship from other characters' POV)

Festive x and x Mischief (reunion of the CAA and Gon plotting with a mistletoe)

To Be x With x You (Post canon, long distance relationship)

Birthday x Blues (this is kinda platonic but adorable)

"The Chosen One (for you, it's your soulmate)" series

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8650522

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9278042

Fevered Lullaby (An AU where Leorio and Kurapika adopt Killua)

Smells Like Magic (Killua's a sorcerer and he accidentally meets Gon)

Time for Those Who Make Time (There's a festivity on Whale Island and Gon invited Killua and Alluka)

you're scattered glitter in the sky, you are the stars. (Post canon, gift exchange that makes you cry. I'm not lying)

Clearer x Skies (Retelling of the tanabata legeng ft. Killugon)

from joy to joy (nother christmas fic)

balter (Killua teaches Gon how to dance)

at last can grant a name (little Gon character study)

Against the Storm (Reunion fic. Killua's scared of change)

But Can You Sail With That Weight? (Post canon. Gon character study)

Silence and Sound (Gon's thoughts after Killua arrived to his fight with Pitou)

Accidents x On x Purpose (3 + 1 times they kissed)

You're a Wizard, Killua (lovely Harry Potter AU)

Couldn't x Say x Goodbye (Ikalgo couldn't save Killua, so he calls Gon)

hikariare (Killua's character study, so sad and sweet)

Come A Little Closer (Them cuddling, that's it)

lucky (Gon and Killua proposing to each other)

it’s by your side i make my home (Killua and holidays)

your heart's a mess (you won't admit to it) (reunion fic)

i am never without it (Killua collects souvenirs for Gon)

the heart's a heavy burden (Character study for the both of them, very moving)

call it what you want (Killua doesn't know what a crush is)

One year Killua and Gon exchanged letters, and two years they didn't (Penpals AU)

Everything I Wanted (Highschool AU, pls I cried like twice)

you know i love you, right? (Gon and the language of love)

Something Simple (Post canon, it's Killua's birthday and Gon wants to give him a present)

it's gonna take a while (Key moments to their relationship since the very start)

Under the mistletoe (Gon wants to show Killua the beauty of christmas)

divine magnets (Royal AU)

eyeliner woes (Killua wears eyeliner. Post canon)

The x Ultimate x Wingman (Gon can hear the narrator xD)

Swan Feathers (Swan lake AU, I love it)

this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart (Killua asks Mito for permission)

To Summon a Witch (Killua's a witch and Gon's a god and somehow they met in the human world)

you built me palaces out of paragraphs (Killua character study)

phantom pains (Gon's a ghost haunting Killua's apartment)

Help I got tired xD I'll put more later! I'm not even halfway done RIP

Why are people seeing this-

Anyways, if you want more recommendations, ask me I don’t mind and I’ve read so much killugon fics AHHDKSDJSK

#killugon #fic rec #fic recommendation #headcanon

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born-to-lose · 3 years ago

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Lie to Me

Pairing: Archie Cruz x reader

Requested by @mrsjoeelliott and anon

Summary: Something has been wrong with you and Archie's relationship for a while. But do your attempts of fixing it even change anything?

Tags: angst, breakup

Words: 1,360

A/N: Is it appropriate to post angst for his birthday? Anyways, have some heartbreak! Sorry if it has no structure, blame it on my brain concussion

Tag list: @warriorteam1924 @satans-vengeance @smells-like-perfect-senses @thetimecrystal @sunflowerpumpkinpie

Tip me if you want!

You didn't know how other people who had been in a relationship for decades did it. You had been with Archie for not even two years and you already felt like something was really wrong.

At the beginning, you thought it just wasn't as exciting anymore as it used to be back when you were in your honeymoon period - which was a normal thing and generally nothing to worry about. Of course you had known that this time would come at some point, but no matter how hard you tried to bring back that old feeling, your relationship remained dull.

You often went places with him in an attempt to fix that issue, and while it was fun in the moment, it faded rather quickly. Archie, on the other hand, didn't seem to even make an effort. The problem wasn't that he didn't notice that your relationship was damaged - he knew it very well, yet he still decided to ignore it.

Despite living together, you spent less and less time with each other. Even when he wasn't working, he pretty much avoided doing things with you, claiming he was exhausted or going out with friends.

Only a couple of months ago, he would take you to the studio - and if you were simply sitting on the couch across from him and watching him in silence. He wanted to be with you and that didn't necessarily mean talking to you or actively doing something. Just your existence was enough sometimes.

Usually, you and Archie visited his mother on holidays, but now he didn't even talk about going. It was only when you came home and he wasn't there that you found out he had left on his own.

"(Y/n) isn't coming again?" his mother asked in a disappointed tone when she opened the door to see her son standing there alone - just like the last time.

"Oh… they've been too busy lately," he answered, secretly feeling bad for lying to her the moment he said that.

She had loved you since the moment you had been introduced to her and he was well aware of it. That was why he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. But what truth was there to tell? He didn't know what exactly was going on between the two of you. You hadn't broken up yet, but you couldn't call it a functioning relationship either. It was more of a decaying love on the brink of the abyss.

Archie was also distant in other ways. For example, he found any excuse not to touch you and when he accidentally did, he quickly pulled away as if he was touching a stranger inappropriately without wanting to. At first, you thought his libido was very low - which would be strange since he was almost always down to get dirty - so you decided to subtly help it along a bit by wearing a little more revealing clothes he used to love to see you in. But nothing changed. The most he could say was "you look pretty" and that was it.

And even when you went in for a kiss as you came home from work, he turned away and instead simply said hello. It didn't only happen because he was having a bad day. You kept trying for weeks until you realized he just didn't want to be close to you anymore.

Not even verbally, he expressed his love for you. No "I love you", no "I'm so happy to have you" or anything along these lines. Since he didn't let you listen to demo versions of his songs like he had always done before, you couldn't even analyze his lyrics to try and figure out what was happening.

Despite desperately wanting to find out what was wrong, you never really brought the subject up. The discussion that would most likely follow would be pointless anyway.

Didn't he trust you enough to finally let you know about his feelings? You had never kept secrets from each other, so why was he being so mysterious all of a sudden? You had noticed that his mental health was probably getting worse, but you weren't sure of it because you barely saw him anymore. He wouldn't let you in and be there for him, listen to him, help him.

Had he never been into you in the first place? If that was the case, he wouldn't have stayed with you for so long, right? In your opinion, one and a half years was quite a long time to date somebody you didn't love.

Perhaps you were naive or even too desperate for love, but you'd rather he lied to you and kept acting like everything was fine than letting you drown in despair, more questions coming up with each passing day.

After what felt like an eternity, Archie finally took you on a date again. A dinner date at a rooftop bar. Could be romantic in a different situation. Honestly, you were afraid because it definitely wasn't going to be all lovey-dovey, considering what had been going on these past months.

So far it was peaceful and he even pulled your chair out before you sat down. You were taking a sip of your drink when you noticed him looking at you, admiringly, for the first time in ages. It was the same look he had given you on your second date when he had confessed that he got it bad for you.

"Don't look at me like that," you said quietly, putting the glass down.

He blinked and slightly tilted his head. "Like what?"

You bit your lip, staring at your empty plate. "Like you still love me."

There was a short pause before he sighed. "I do love you… It's just- I think we should take a break."

You had seen that coming, but it still hurt. After all, why wouldn't he break up? The signs had been too clear. "A break…"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we'll never get back together. I just need some time to figure things out and I don't want to be a burden-"

"You're not a burden, Archie," you interrupted him. "I've seen you at your worst and now you don't want to even tell me how you feel? Do you not trust me anymore?"

"I do trust you," he said, tears welling up in his eyes. "But I know I can't give you as much attention as I'd like at the moment and you don't deserve how I've been treating you lately. I need some space for a while."

"No, you need someone to be there for you. And if you want to cut me off right now, I don't know what I can do anymore." You drank the rest of your glass and put the cutlery on the plate, ready to leave.

"I'm not cutting you off! Please, just listen to me-"

You leaned slightly forward and whispered, "Oh, because avoiding me for months and isolating without talking to me for days on end just when you need me the most is not cutting me off?"

Archie looked down, wordlessly, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. The sight made you want to cry too. You hated seeing your boyfriend - or shall you say ex-boyfriend - like this, but you took a deep breath and stood up, walking around the table. You placed a hand on his shoulder and said softly, "I'm really not trying to be mean to you. I just don't understand you sometimes."

He looked up at you and took your hand, kissing the back of it. "I love you."

You used to know him well enough to be able to tell when he was lying, but now you weren't certain if he really meant it this time or if he was only trying to make you stay.

"I'm not sure if I can say that to you right now," you admitted almost inaudibly because you knew that if you spoke more loudly, your voice would crack. "Call me when you're ready to let people take care of you. Goodbye."

#mel writes #archie cruz #archie cruz x reader #archie cruz imagine #archie cruz fic #santa cruz #santa cruz x reader #santa cruz imagine #santa cruz fic

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ifvckedjensenackles · 2 years ago

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"MY DREAM"

WARNING: smut 18+ fingering, daddy kink, tummy bulge, explicit sexual content, praising, handjob, oral, rough, unprotected, dumbification, creampie, possessive, mention of mating

IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ANY OF THE TOPICS MENTIONED ABOVE, THEN PLEASE LEAVE, I WON'T FORCE YOU

• Pairing : Bonten! Manjiro Sano x Sub! Reader

• A/N : When I first made this, I accidentally posted it when it wasn't supposed to be- anyways, this took a long time to do, so please enjoy! C:

______________________________________________________________

You were in a happy relationship with your husband, Kokonoi.

You loved him so much, and you were always so sure he loved you just as much.

That thought was completely destroyed when you found him trying, but failing to cover himself along with a completely fucked out girl with the blanket you bought for him on your shared bed.

Not only was the scene in front of you horrifying, but it got worse.

It was Koko, and your sister.

The one that he said was no where near your beauty.

The one that he said was nothing like you because you were better, but he... lied.

Why would he lie..??

"Babe, I can explain-" Is all he said before he stopped what he was saying due to your expression.

Tears formed in your eyes as you still couldn't believe the scene infront of you.

"K-Koko..?"

You looked at him, tears falling down your beautiful face.

"How could you do this to me!? WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR SEVEN YEARS!"

You threw everything in reach at him.

The vase he got your for your eighteenth birthday because you were dying to buy it, along with the very expensive hand mirror he got you for christmas.

Your sister who was lying on the bed woke up from the screaming.

She saw you throwing things, and screamed, running out as fast as she could.

Now all that was left was you, a scratched up Kokonoi, and a completely messed up room.

"Let me ex-" GET OUT BEFORE I HURT YOU MORE!!!"

He grabbed some clothes and ran out.

You fell on your knees as you sobbed and sobbed, eventually falling asleep on the cool hardwood floors.

Soon after falling asleep, you woke up once more to see yourself on your bed.

This confused you since you discreetly remember falling asleep on the floor.

You eyes widened as you looked beside you to see your boss, Mikey.

What was someone like him doing in here?!

"B-Boss, what are you doing in here??"

Terrified for your life, you questioned yourself to see what you did wrong.

Did you miss an important meeting and has he come to do something bad to you?!?

Or did you-

You were cut off when Mikey said something.

"I found you on the floor with tears on your face. Why were you crying? Tell me."

It was more a demand than a question, and you had no choice but to answer.

"Kokonoi cheated on me with my sister.."

Your eyes held no life in them as you reminisced the old memories with you and Koko.

You had almost let a tear slip when you thought of the time he proposed to you.

It was the most romantic way possible to you.

You were both about 20..

|FLASHBACK|

"Where's Koko?? He told me to meet him by the tree."

You stood in front of the Cherry Blossom tree you and Koko met each other at when you were younger.

Some petals fell down as you held your hand out to catch one.

You were wearing a beautiful bright pink dress, about knee high, with flowers on it and a white collar along with white stockings and pink buckled shoes.

Your gorgeous (h/l) (h/c) hair was braided and put into a bun with a couple of strands hanging out on both sides of your face.

You had bright pink eyeshadow on with stripes of white on it with pink frost lisptick.

(Search it up, it's the lighter pink)

You both have been dating for about two years now.

To be exact, it was two years, seven months, eighteen weeks, and three hundred fourteen days, but who's counting??

You saw Kokonoi run up the hill to the tree along with another person, who you assumed was Inui.

"Sorry I'm late, my queen!"

He had always called you this, even when you were just friends.

"You're alright, Koko."

You smiled at him and looked around to say hi to Inui, but strangely, he was gone.

You shrugged it off, looking at Kokonoi as you said,

"So, why are we here, love??"

He looked at you with genuine love as did and said something to you that changed your life.

He got down on one knee and said,

"(Y/n) (L/n), I know we have only been together for two years, but they have been the best years I have ever lived. Everyday when I wake up, to when I fall asleep, has been a blessing ever since you came into my life. Now I know we've had a couple fights here and there, but I promise to always love you and do anything you ask me to, even if it's to kill myself. So overall my love, will you.. marry me?"

Your cheeks felt wet as you smiled and said,

"Yes, yes yes yes!!!"

He got up and hugged you as you cried in his arms, kissing him will every ounce of love you had.

He pulled away and put the ring on your finger as you cried and cried.

You kissed once more as you wrapped your arms around his neck, savoring the kiss.

|FLASHBACK ENDS|

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peppermintbee · 4 years ago

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OMORI has poor writing (Part 1)

OMORI stans, just block the #omori hate tag now because I’m going to use it to vent my frustrations with this game. If you love this game, I am not going to try to convince you otherwise. I am glad you enjoyed it so much. I am glad it means a lot to you. I’m not here to take that away from you. I honestly wish I felt the same way!

However, if you are like me and finished the game feeling disappointed, underwhelmed, and maybe a little frustrated, then I am here to say you are not alone. OMORI--while having the right set pieces for an interesting game--is a narrative mess.

I’m splitting this into two posts. This first post is about problems with the plot. The second is about problems with the message/moral.

(Note: I use “OMORI” in all-caps for the game title, and “Omori” in title case for the character name.)

Spoilers and criticism below.

Part 1: Plot Writing Lies

There’s a book by Brian McDonald called Invisible Ink which is about how to write a compelling story (you can read this great book online for free here). There’s an explanation of the writing “lie” that I find myself frequently thinking of. A “lie” in this context does not mean something is literally untrue, it means something FEELS untrue, unrealistic, improbable, or unlikely. For example, if a character gets shot in the leg but manages to do parkour, this is a “lie” since it seems unrealistic for that to happen. If a character witnesses their beloved parent’s death and shrugs it off, it’s a “lie” because that reaction seems highly unlikely.

In OMORI, the plot is held together by multiple little lies that--try as I might--I just couldn’t bring myself to believe.

1. Sunny’s friends care about him, and vice versa

A major theme of the game is how friendship can overcome any obstacle. Friendship gets Sunny over his fear of heights, spiders, and water. Friendship is what Sunny remembers before the final boss fight, and allows him to face his guilt and defeat it (and prevent him from committing suicide). With the photobook and dialogue you are reminded over and over and over and over and over again that Sunny’s friends love him unconditionally.

However, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it. The childhood memories are cute but shallow, boiling down to simply hanging out and eating treats. Plus, Kel and Aubrey fight constantly, with Aubrey even physically hitting Kel when he steps out of line. Hero and Mari behave more like babysitters than true friends to the younger kids.

But at least the other kids interact with each other. Sunny, on the other hand, showed nearly no affection or consideration towards his friends. He floats through the memories like a ghost--he could have been completely absent from all the photos and it would have made little difference. I was ready to accept this as Sunny being an unreliable narrator and not thinking he was a good enough for his friends, but this never contradicted. Instead we are given even more memories where Sunny just silently exists there being “cute.”

[Sunny enriching the lives of his friends by LARPING as a cat.]

Because of the lack of meaningful interactions between them, there was nothing in the game that made me think that these 12-15 year olds would have a strong enough bond that would survive 3-4 years of no contact after finding their friend hanged. In fact, that discovery only drove them farther apart. The only person who I could believe actually had a close bond was Basil, who almost literally filled that trope of being the friend who would help you bury a body (or in this case, help Sunny cover up the accidental manslaughter).

The writing fix for this would be simple: instead of showing us the same boring birthday and beach scenes over again, give the kids memories of overcoming some age-appropriate adversity together: heartbreak over an unrequited crush, anxiety over homework, sports injury, lost dogs, divorced parents, running away from home, bullying, etc. Set a precedent of the friends supporting each other through good times AND bad times. Without such backstory, Sunny’s friendships allegedly giving him the courage to overcome his guilt feels like a lie.

2. Sunny abandoning Basil in the bathroom scene

One of the most confusing moments in the game was Sunny’s negligence when Basil has his first breakdown in his bathroom. This part of the game is player-controlled, which is a strange writing decision because all you can do is click on Basil and various bathroom amenities over and over which completely saps the urgency out of the scene. When you try to leave, Basil begs Sunny to stay, but (due to a lack of player options) Sunny walks out without a word. With no option to talk to him OR get help for him, it makes Sunny seem exceptionally cruel to Basil. In fact, I was starting to wonder if the game was setting up for some sort of twist that Sunny DIDN’T care about his friends, which would fix some of the confusion in point #1. However, as we know, that is not the case. Therefore, Sunny’s negligence/apathy towards Basil’s pain feels like a lie.

The writing fix would be to make it MORE clear that Sunny is intentionally running away from Basil. Make it a cutscene, or, give a false choice such as “Leave Basil? Yes / Yes”. After Sunny leaves, Kel should make some remark about Sunny looking odd, “You look sort of shaken up, is there something you want to tell me?” then hit it home with Sunny shaking his head. This would make it more clear that Sunny is intentionally hiding Basil’s state, as opposed to just being a bad friend. As it stands, it just felt like a writing mistake.

3. Basil and Sunny working together to stage Mari’s death as a suicide

This is the plot hole that I see the most complaints over, but it’s so big I have to address it. Accidentally pushing Mari down the stairs I understand, but the rest is too absurd. Below are some of the “lies” that the writing tries to get away with:

That Sunny and Basil wouldn’t just claim she slipped and fell.

That either boy would even come up with this sick plan.

That they wouldn’t back out of this idea during the multi-step process (carrying her downstairs, outside, getting the jump rope, tying a noose, putting it around her neck, stringing her up, hiding the evidence... This is a series of multiple decisions, not one quick accident like the initial push.)

That it’s not the image of Mari’s death that traumatized Sunny, but the image of what they chose to do to her body that traumatized them. I understand the image of Mari hanging is more dramatic, but they literally did it themselves so why is that more haunting than Sunny killing her?

That Mari’s true cause of death wouldn’t be immediately obvious to the parents, the police, the friends, EVERYONE. (I’ve seen fans try to get rid of this plot hole by hypothesizing that the parents knew and covered it up, but the evidence of this is circumstantial at best. The father saying, “You’re not my son,” is unreliable since it happens in Sunny’s headspace. Divorce is common after the death of a child, and, at the very least, Sunny’s mom doesn’t show any evidence of knowing what happened. The way it is written, only Sunny and Basil know the truth.)

The ridiculousness of this twist is so extreme that it completely broke any immersion I had left. Frankly, the reveal that the happy, loveable Mari committed suicide is a far heavier and more realistic twist than a crazy murder-cover-up story is.

Additionally, it seems like Basil was only written into this scene in order to make Sunny the true victim of what happened. After all, Sunny may have pushed her, but it was Basil who came up with the demented cover up. (This is apparent from just the photos but the datamined Truth Album confirms it.) By having Basil come up with the plan, the game splits the guilt between the two of them to make the kids easier to sympathize with. It’s problematic because if Basil was not in the scene, there would be no way to justify what Sunny did to Mari. So why is what they did easier to accept when they worked together?

Fixing the writing lie: Sunny lies and says that Mari slipped. Remove Basil from the scene, and instead have Sunny confide in Basil which forces Basil to become a co-conspirator and burdens him with the terrible truth.

4. Sunny’s friends forgiving him and Basil for what they did to Mari

Last but not least, the story heavily implies that Hero, Kel, and Aubrey will forgive Basil and Sunny for what they did to Mari. I found this to be almost as unbelievable as the staged-suicide stunt.

It feels like a lie since the group’s friendship is never established as anything beyond shallow hang outs from 3+ years ago (see point #1).

It feels like a lie because this is hot off the heels of Aubrey being so distraught over Mari and the following fall out that in the last three days she 1.) attacked Sunny and Kel with a nail bat TWICE, 2.) Stole Basil’s photobook, and 3.) Shoved Basil in the lake. This trauma is still very fresh for her.

It feels like a lie because the complexity of the staged-suicide is so extreme, one would be hard pressed to forgive ANYONE for doing that, be it friend, foe, parent, sibling, lover, etc.

I’ve seen fans argue that the ending is not about forgiveness, it’s about telling the truth, and I want to believe that. Really. If the ending was about Sunny starting his redemption arc by telling the truth no matter what the consequences are, that would be a meaningful lesson. But the writing does not support that. The ending headspace segments are focused on assuring Sunny that his friends will support/forgive him no matter what. To do this, the game shows us the shallow photobook memories (again) to show how much they allegedly care about each other. Then, when fighting Omori, Sunny remembers these quotes from his friends, which directly correlate to their unconditional support:

KEL: Friends... Friends are supposed to be there for each other.

AUBREY: I hope you can find some peace... or you know... some happiness.

HERO: We made the mistake of leaving each other when we needed each other the most. This time... we’ll stay together.

BASIL: Maybe one day... things can go back to the way they were before.

The really direct evidence that this ending is about getting forgiveness is this quote from Basil in Sunny’s headspace:

[BASIL: “AUBREY, KEL and HERO are good friends. You have to trust that they’ll forgive us.”]

This is one of the last scenes before Sunny tells his friends the truth, proving that obtaining forgiveness from his FRIENDS is in fact the leading motivation for Sunny’s actions.

Fixing this writing lie is easy. Instead, adjust the writing to be about telling the truth, not about how much the friends will still love Sunny. Have headspace Basil say, “Even if they don’t forgive us, Aubrey, Kel, and Hero deserve to know the truth. It’s the only way to make things right... or close to it.”

Conclusion

OMORI is undeniably a cute game with a strong visual identity, and has a premise that could make for a very compelling experience. However, the sloppy plot and weak character writing cause the potential of this game to be squandered. There are other issues as well that I chose not to cover for the sake of time, such as the poor pacing of the dragged out dungeons and the bizarre, unrealistic behavior of characters in the “real” world.

However, there are a few more glaring problems with OMORI that I have to address: In part 2 of my critique, I break down what may be the biggest problem with OMORI’s writing: the message.

[ Link to Part 2: OMORI’s Message is Mishandled and Distasteful ]

#omori #omori hate #omori spoilers #review #words #fun fact i named sunny 'moony' so I had to consciously change all the moons to suns in this essay #suicide cw

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parslynne · 4 years ago

Text

Bonus:

Based off the fact Gojo canonically bought a ¥250000 (before tax) shirt.

____

Part 1 || Part 2 (you are here) || Extras (not ready yet deepest apologies) ||

Click on the images for crispy lines and legible text.

The main comic is split into two posts because the images were too big to fit into one! I have some extra stuff I am wanting to make, but they're not finished enough for human viewing. I've got many theories on how the siblings went from “If I go, will Tsumiki be happy? My answer depends on that.” TO “Don’t act like you’re my guardian. You gross me out.” (for reasons aside from the usual middle school phase of sibling conflict) AND I TRIED INJECTING THEM INTO THIS COMIC (which originally had a count of 9 pages but now is 13 pages + bonus content) BUT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOLLY ONE ABOUT MEGUMI AND TSUMIKI’S ATTEMPTS TO ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES WITHOUT ELECTRICITY. SO NO PAIN

More ranting about the comic below the cut. Spoilers for the manga!!!

This comic was stuck in my head for a while because when I got to c138 I was like OH MY GOD TSUMIKI, Gege why, and I love sibling shenanigans. There’s not much about Tsumiki and her personality just yet (she’s kind, but kind isn’t a personality), but there’s this panel here from chapter 59 that for this comic, I based her entirely on:

She just seems very fun.

Some context info for the comic:

This comic takes place a year an a half after the Hidden Inventory arc and 4 months after Gojo meets Megumi.

(random note: Megumi's age is a bit of a misnomer for me, because canon says Gojo met Megumi in his first year of elementary school in 2007. The events of the manga take place in 2018, 11 years later, when Fushiguro is 15. I'm a bit confused here because children in Japan start elementary school at age 6 (turning 7 by the time they move on to second grade in April), so Megumi should've been 6 years old when he met Gojo. In 2007 though, he should've been 4 turning 5 if he's only 15 (turning 16) in 2018. Did I misread something? For the purposes of this comic, Megumi is 7 and Tsumiki is turning 8).

In this comic, it takes a while for Gojo to gain custody of Megumi and Tsumiki due to the fact that he's still a minor (and has a few more hoops his influence has to jump through) and that he has to very carefully wheedle Megumi out of the Zen'in family's clutches. If he does it too persistently, the Zen'ins would figure out something's up and be more resistant, if not reluctant, to let him go without upping his price. Megumi's Cursed Technique is manifesting, but I think Gojo figured it out only because of his Six-Eyes. Gojo told Megumi to do his best to hide his wakening abilities (which Megumi took as being even less emotive than usual, much to Tsumiki's dismay). If the Zen'ins ever found out he had the Ten Shadows technique, Megumi's fate would've been sealed, and Gojo would have had no way of getting him out. Luckily, the clan's disdain for Toji clouds their judgement of Megumi. Megumi's also born in late December, so for the clan members who don't think he'd amount to much, this detail is easily forgotten, and when Megumi's six years old and nearing his 7th birthday, the clan members would assume he's already seven and passed the 'age limit' to manifest an inherited cursed technique. Gojo coming back to the apartment in 2008 after Megumi's 7th birthday suggests that he was successful in gaining custody of Megumi.

In the last panel of the main comic, you see there's a divine doggo on the roof top. Megumi accidentally summoned a divine dog during the spirited saga of Usa-Chan-Man, but luckily Gojo sensed it and subdued it, nullifying the exorcism ritual.

Speaking of Usa-Chan-Man, she is 1000% based on Lovely Usa-Chan Man from Oresama Teacher (same author as Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun). She's amazing. If you're interested, the manga's hilarious (even if Student-Teacher ain't your cup of tea, be rest assured----this manga is 90% humour, 8% drama, and 2% romance).

Some inaccuracies in this comic I am now aware of; please be gentle with judgement:

- The Fushiguro apartment is not a corner apartment, I know!! I just- I just didn't know okay, and I was committed to having a shot of Gojo chilling on the ledge of the roof

- SAILOR MOON STOPPED AIRING IN JAPAN IN 1997. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS. I personally watched Sailor Moon on VHS tapes. I just thought Sailor Moon would be a show that could be rerun 1203 times and people would be ok with it. I am 100% guessing that anime airs on Sundays at 9PM. I didn't research this at all. I tried to envision leaving out the Sailor Moon part, but there went my Usagi joke and that joke was originally supposed to end the comic at 9 pages. I eventually ended the comic a different way, but Usagi had to be there to create the scene transition to the ending. Just.. Sshh..

- What bills and account books look like in Japan. Yeah, I have no idea. Especially what they looked like back in 2008!! Also, how much utilities costed in Tokyo 2008.. I just went with conservative prices typical of modern day Hokkaido in the winter.

- What the weather was like in January 2008. Was it cold enough that kids were wearing winter jackets? I tried googling historical weather data, but I got nothing (it was just like 10 minutes of googling though, so I wasn't trying that hard). In Tokyo though, January is generally considered the coldest month of the year, so I hoped for the best!

- Candles are not strong enough to cast sharp enough shadows for shadow puppetry. Y...yes... But you see, this candle is really, really big and has a very large wick.

I am done. This is all for now. Thank you for reading, if you've read up till this point!!! Happy Jujutsu Friday and See y'all crying on Jujutsu Sunday.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers #sorcerer fight #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro tsumiki #gojo satoru #precanon #fancomic #fanart #kid!megumi #fushiguro fluff #fushigurohcs #kids staying up past curfew #my art

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mggssocks · 4 years ago

Text

Followed

Not My Gif!

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Content Warnings: None just fluff :)

Summary: Spencer makes an Instagram and stumbles across reader’s page.

Word Count: 1,899 words

A/N: This is Season 10 Spencer with Season 13 looks. Also, instead of it being Kate on the team, i put Emily instead because who doesn’t love the season 3-7 team? Also I might make a part 2 depending on how much this blows up. Honestly i’d be happy if i got one like. Anyways.. hope you enjoy!!!

masterlist // part 2 // part 3

It was 8:00 in the morning. Spencer walked in the doors of the bullpen to the bau. He sat his satchel down and began to settle in for a long day of work. It was pretty early so the team wasn’t in yet. Except for Aaron Hotchner who had gotten in an hour prior to Spencer and been in his office ever since. Apparently others had the same ‘get to work early’ mindset as Spencer. Spencer opened a case file but his attention was quickly whipped away due to the sound of the door opening. He sees Penelope Garcia with all her attention focused on her phone. Spencer quirked his eyebrows when she bumped into a fellow coworker and her attention remained on her phone while quickly mumbling a quick “sorry”. As she passed his desk, Spencer decided it would be the great time to speak.

“Hey, Garcia.” Her feet came to a stop and her head snapped up at him.

“Boy wonder! I’m so glad you’re here. I really need someone to talk to because if I don’t I’m going to explode!” She sits in the chair across from his desk.

“Is everything alright?” He leaned back in his chair.

“No… no everything is not alright. If anything.. everything is all wrong. Very very wrong. I-“ she takes in a deep breath “I was stalking Kevin’s page because the other day I seen him at the mall with another girl. And while I was 56 weeks down in his page, I accidentally liked a picture.” She explained, in a huff.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow.” Spencer was even more confused now than before she started.

“I liked a picture that he posted 56 weeks ago!” Her eyes were wide.

“How is that a bad thing?” His lips pouted as he’d never understand social media.

“Ugh! Reid, you really need to get with the program and get you an Instagram. That means his picture was old and now he knows that I was looking at his page. You understand now?” She asked.

“Oh. Yeah I understand. It’s bad that he knows you were looking at his page.” He asked as Prentiss, JJ, and Morgan had walked in.

“Yes. And now I must go into the bat cave and wait for him to call or text me and ask what me lurking on his page was about.” She whined as she stomped her way to her office.

“What was that about?” Prentiss asked, setting her bags down on her desk.

“Uhh- rough morning” Spencer shrugged, still not really understanding the whole social media thing.

“Hey do you guys have an Instagram?” He asked the three.

“Yeah but I’m barely on it.” Prentiss answered.

“Same here” says Morgan as he takes a seat at his desk.

“Yeah but I only get on to post the boys and myself sometimes” answers JJ.

“What about Hotch and Rossi?” He asked.

“Yup! Rossi likes to post about his expensive wine and cigars. Hotch posts Jack every once in a while and a throwback Thursday.” JJ says.

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed for what seems to be the 100th time that day.

“He doesn’t know what that is” Prentiss looks over to JJ.

“It’s something you post like an old picture of yourself every Thursday.” Morgan explains.

“Do you guys do that?” Spencer asked.

“I did last Thursday.” JJ pulls out her phone and opened the app. “This was right after Emily, Penelope, and I caught a guy who was trying to pick up Prentiss by pretending to be an FBI agent a few years ago.” She chuckled showing him a picture.

Spencer takes her phone in his hand and examines the post. 142 likes. 57 comments. He clicks on her name which takes it to her page. 302 followers. As he scrolls, he sees a picture the team took a while ago and sees a little person profile thing the corner and clicks on it causing other names tagged to each individual team member. Except him. After he examined all of their profiles, he gives JJ back her phone and gets to work like the rest of them. He felt a little left out but he knew it was because of his own decisions and not his team. He liked that they didn’t press him about having a social media because they new he was more old school than anything. And it was ironic because he wastage youngest member of the team with the more old school habits.

When Spencer got home he decided he wanted the social media app. The idea of being able to share with his friends and only his friends excited him. Being able to post about his favorite things for his friends to see without talking their ears off.

He opened his phone and went to the app store, typing “instagram” into the search bar. He followed the sites instructions as he made his account. Using a snapshot he took of his bookshelf as his profile picture. He sees the option to add the people in his contact list which was only his team, mom, and his mother’s caretaker. But everyone’s profile popped up and he quickly followed each and every one of them. Except for his mom and her caretaker of course.

Soon enough, he got a follow back from Garcia, Hotch, Rossi, and JJ in that order. Morgan and Prentiss weren’t lying when they said they weren’t on often.

After two weeks, Spencer hasn’t posted anything yet, not knowing what should go on his profile. Morgan and Prentiss ended up following him back and the app ended up adjusting to his interests. Nothing but accounts about interesting facts, books, and doctor who.

It was Friday night and the team had just got back from a case in Chicago. Spencer opened the door to his apartment and set his satchel down on the couch, exhausted. His mind wonders to get something to eat being that he wonders to get something to eat being that he hasn’t ate since before they caught the unsub. Which was about 5 hours and 7 minutes ago but he still needed to get something into his system. Spencer opened his fridge and sees 3 day old Chinese takeout. He shrugs and pops it into the microwave while looking for a book of his to reread while he eats. After he finishes dinner, he gets on his phone and subconsciously pulls up the app. He clicks onto his explore page to discover something else he likes. While scrolling, he sees a picture of someone reading and clicks on it.

765 likes

Yourfriend’sig whenever people ask me what to give you for your birthday or Christmas, I always tell them to get you a book or something green and it works every single time. Happy Birthday to my best buddy, @yourinstagram !

View all 84 comments

Spencer smiles and clicks the heart button and bookmarks it to look at later. He liked the picture. Both the picture and caption reminded him a lot of his own love for books and the color green (hence his apartment).

Once he got out of the shower, he brushed his teeth. He found himself subconsciously scrolling through his instagram bookmarks to find her post. He doesn’t know what it was but something about the picture brought comfort to him. As he brushed his teeth, he clicked on the post once again.This time, he actually clicked on your account. It was a private account with 186 followers. The bio read:

Y/N... bookworm.

Her profile picture consisted of a black cat surrounded by either a bunch of well taken care of plants or artificial ones. His finger hovered over the blue “follow” button. As he bent down to spit his toothpaste out, his thumb accidentally clicked the follow button. But he didn't realize so until he looked down again to see the “follow” button replaced with “requested”. His heart basically drops out of his ass. He quickly clicks the button again, taking back his follow.

It was now one in the morning, Spencer laid in bed awake staring at his ceiling. Once again, he clicks onto the app. He scrolled down his timeline and saw a picture Penelope posted of one of her new desk animals with the caption “Got her at a thrift shop! Isn’t she cute??”. He saw that Hotch and JJ liked 45 other people. JJ also commented with two red hearts. Spencer likes the post and keeps scrolling. His thoughts wander to the post about the girl again. He’s never thought about a social media post this much since he’s created an account. He wonders what sparked his interest so much about this one. As he makes his way to the post, clicking on her account. Debating if he should follow her. She’s a total stranger. Do the others follow strangers? There’s no way JJ knows 302 people in real life. He mentally shrugs and presses the follow button. Requested. Again.

He swipes out of her account back onto the post now seeing that she commented on it.

yourinstagram thank you, bubs! ily to the moon n back <3333

It was commented thirty six seconds ago. Meaning she’s currently active. Again, Spencer’s heart sinks and he immediately regrets his decision. Going back and unfollowing her. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s a mess. Over a stranger. But he feels like an idiot. Reacting the way that he did just because he saw that she was online. So he goes and follows her.... again.

After clearing out all of his apps, he turns off his phone and lays down trying to get some sleep before work in a few hours. His thoughts wander to her. What she was like. if she was nice or mean. If she was socially awkward or very outgoing. Before his thoughts could get too far into what she was like, he receives a notification from instagram. He opens his phone and clicks on the notification. His heart began to pound when he saw it.

yourinstagram would like to send you a message!

He clicks on it.

yourinstagram You’ve followed and unfollowed me about 5 times in the past 3 hours. Is there something I can help you with?

Spencer completely forgot that other people got notifications and now he felt like some kind of creep.

spencerreid I’m sorry. I came across your friend’s Instagram post wishing you a happy birthday and i guess i got curious and wanted to follow you if that makes any sense.

He felt so dumb.

yourinstagram and following me once wasn’t enough for some reason???

spencerreid Sorry about that. I’m new to this whole social media thing and don’t follow any strangers. You are the first person I’m following that I don’t know in real life. Again, my apologies for the disturbance. I’ll unfollow you’re account If you’re uncomfortable with me.

yourinstagram i just hope that you’re not one of my raging exes, someone trying to catfish me, or a psychopath lol.

Spencer smiled.

spencerreid Nope. Just me.

She leaves him one read. Spencer’s smile fades when he doesn’t see any three loading dots. She wasn’t texting him back. As he’s about to exit the app, he sees two notifications.

yourinstagram has accepted your follow request!

yourinstagram has requested to follow you.

********

I hoped you like this!!! If this blows up,i will do another chapter!

#spencer reid #dr reid #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #matt simmons #david rossi #cm #emily prentiss #jennifer jereau #penelope gracia #luke alvez #tara lewis #elle greenaway #spencer reid x you #cat adams

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junicai · 4 years ago

Text

Relationship with NCT 127

➣ Taeil ☾ taria

taeil is the Sole Protector of aria’s sanity

taeil loves his maknaes so much, but he literally looks at her like she put the stars in the sky

the Proud Dad smile :’)

when aria first debuted, czennies thought that she was the same age as jungwoo - because she acted older than her age - but with taeil she lets her inner kid come out

highkey dependent on his approval for things in relation to singing

“was, was that ok?” “perfect, ari.” “ (O_O;) - (◕‿◕)♡”

she will fight mark and donghyuck for his attention, and she will win

for a while, the two had shared a dorm room before they were rearranged, and taeil let her slip into his bed when she was feeling homesick

the offer is still open, but aria takes him up on it less and less

taeil is NOT sad about that. absolutely not.

he’s vehemently against any and all diets she tries - saying that if she gets any smaller he’s going to be able to pick her up with one hand

que him dragging her out for ice-cream after a promotion, paying no mind to her protests

aria helps taeil with translating a lot of things into english during lives and interviews - so much to the point where he’s picked up a bit of an irish accent and the others never fail to clown him for it

taeil still has the small braided bracelet that aria gave to the members on their first anniversary of nct (he keeps it in the drawer beside his bed)

aria is his self-professed happy virus. he told czennies in a vlive once that her smile makes him feel really happy and he wants to protect it to the best of his ability

aria always fixes his micpack before they go onstage if its crooked, because she comes out after him in the lineup

they have monthly movie nights and they alternate who chooses the movie / show (taeil normally goes for mystery or drama themed ones, while aria enjoys making them both sob miserably)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria and taeil singing “I See the Light” from tangled for the NCT Music channel, and the tears that were shed by both moonis and realtai alike. sm really popped off with the staging and the lighting of the whole video - between the smiles that were on both of the singers faces and the whole ambiance created, its a cinematic masterpiece

no one was surprised when it hit 2 million views in a day, and a lot of solo stans were born from that video

➣ Johnny ☾ johria

indisputable siblings

there is not a single czennie who ships these two romantically, and that’s because they’re just too wholesome

johnny is one of the few members that aria calls “oppa”, mainly because of the age gap and sm wanted her to appear respectful, but also because he thinks she looks so cute

very chill, excellent vibes

their vlives are either chaotic messes or the closest thing to therapy since ice cubes

the blanket on aria’s bed? that was a gift from johnny - she had been complaining to mark about how cold she always was anemia tings

czennies are begging for sm to allow aria to open up a solo instagram account, becuse they see the amount of pictures johnny takes of her

in the park? he’s making her pose in front of the flowers. backstage before a show? the lighting, c’mon.

big big bear hugs - the height difference make nctzens want to die

185cm vs 158cm? p l e a s e she’s so tiny in comparison (/ =ω=)/

when she gives him backhugs it looks like a little kitten trying to wrestle with the family dog

play fighting about vernacular:

“ITS CALLED A SIDEWALK” “S I D E W A L K, ITS A FOOTPATH YOU BUFFOON”

very vocal about her wellbeing, and has asked fans before to remind her to take better care of herself and get to sleep sooner

aria, starting a vlive at 3am: hi hi~

the comments: NO GO TO BED

johnny helped her a lot when it came to the style change in choreography, as aria was used to soft, flowing movements and not the powerful, sleek style that most nct dances have

consistently forgets the fact that she is not the fourteen year old he first met, and is, in fact, an adult now. “you’re a child” “im 18″ “...no”

is the person to get angry on her behalf when interviewers belittle or ignore her

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a fansign, a fan asked aria who did she think was the most comforting when she was stressed (besides mark and donghyuck) and aria said johnny. “he’s so, constant? like nothing seems to knock him or throw him off, and that’s really comforting when i feel unsteady.”

johnny is now known as aria’s weighted blanket.

that is all.

➣ Taeyong ☾ ariyong

taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally, but he would if he could)

eomma meets highly protective older brother meets life coach type beat?

so so soft for her its sickening

says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio for the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet

when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong

she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training

because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong

whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to

“please? i don’t like it.” *gasp* “how dare you.”

sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late!

he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be

he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured, but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)

taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip intentionally her

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

taeyong had just been awarded the solo bedroom on the last night of the Mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly.

“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..”

baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while on the video edited captions appeared with the words, “a cute maknae, asking to room with a younger member...”

➣ Yuta ☾ nakamiya

the president of realtai

this man is absolutely, completely and irrevocably whipped for aria and she is not afraid to use that to her advantage

she beat him at arm wrestling because she pouted at him - she’s too powerful

aria.exe stopped responding when yuta started to playfully flirt with her the first few times

*winks* “hu-wha-”

one of the most outwardly protective members of her, because he feels a sense of responsibility for the younger girl

he was one of the trainees she first befriended, aria’s korean not being good enough to hold a decent conversation, and yuta happy that there was another japanese trainee

9 times out of 10, when the members are making their way through crowded areas like airports yuta is always behind or directly beside aria

during a fansign one of the fans asked why he did that, and he said that he needed to keep her in his line of sight or else he’d get anxious that she’s so small that she could get swallowed in the crowds

yes aria hit him for the short comment

yuta, 50% of the time: you’re not allowed date until you’re 35

yuta, the other 50% of the time: bro where’s your boyfriend

he complains that she isn’t as sweet as she was when she first joined, and that hyuck must have corrupted her (╬ Ò﹏Ó)

he let’s her braid his hair when its longer, them both sitting on a bed with yuta in front and aria kneeling behind him so she can reach

he was the first person to take her home for the holidays, because ireland was too far to go back for a week over christmas

“what do you mean you’ve never been to japan???”

bitching about the other members in japanese? more likely than you’d think

when aria turned legal in korea, yuta took her out drinking and made sure to post pictures of her with her flushed cheeks on his instagram story with the caption “aish, i told you to pace yourself....” “happy birthday riri”

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

you know that one clip of the sasaeng getting absolutely trashed by nct’s bodyguard and taeyong jumping 7 feet into the air?

well taeyong wasn’t the only one startled; standing beside yuta, aria was closest to the wall of fans when the girl ran forward towards the members. aria jumped in fright, while yuta barely made a face (#unbothered). he simply wrapped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her around to the other side, tucking her underneath his arm.

tsundere!yuta

➣ Doyoung ☾ dori

*ahem* WHIPPED *ahem*

doyoung adores aria so much

was he unsure about a girl being added to a group of boys? yes but it was moreso concern about how he was going to make sure she wasn’t accidentally trampled

they bonded over a night in the recording studio when he found her sitting on the floor with music sheets scattered around her

a whole mentor when it comes to singing

aria always turns to him after singing - especially when it wasn’t planned, like at a fansign - to see if she did a good job

doyoung has yet to tell her that she hasn’t but sue her, she appreciates the validation

the original mother and Will Not Let Taeyong Forget It

doyoung, dragging aria out of the studio: now listen here young lady-

kitten and bunny friends RISE

no seriously sm released merch of a kitten and bunny plushie and it sold out in a day

when aria had the accident that led to her two month hiatus, doyoung was the one who rode in the ambulance with her after refusing to let go of her hand

“i’m sorry sir, only family are allowed in at the moment-” “we are her family” *nurse looks around the room at the 14 other boys sitting anxiously*

he is a weak, weak man he will crumple on any decision if she smiles and slash or whines at him even slightly

carries band-aids and support strapping in his practice bag because he knows that she gets really bad blisters when she hasn’t practiced while wearing her heels in a while, and he makes her wrap her ankles for the first few sessions incase she falls

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENTS.

NCT 127 Take a Friendship Test (Glamour - 2020)

“ahh, my first impression?” *laughs* “actually, we first met in a recording studio, at like. 3 o’clock in the morning? he stuck his head in the doorway and i was so tired that i thought i had died and an angel had come to save me...” (*μ_μ)

➣ Jaehyun ☾ jaria

you know how cheetahs in the zoo get emotionally support puppies?

this is the same type of vibe

very snuggly together? but only in specific scenarios, like when jaehyun is too tired to move after a movie night, he’ll just kinda engulf aria in a hug and make her sleep on the couch with him

any back hug she gives him turns into a piggy back, its non-negotiable

likes to randomly compliment her to see how red he can make her face go

did she have a crush on him when she first moved to korea? yes, but who didn’t

that faded really quickly though once she started into the group officially - now they are more like siblings

they don’t interact that much on camera? rip to the jaria shippers

but that doesn’t mean they aren’t close with each other its just that a lot of their interactions happen off-screen

naturally, jaehyun began to think of her as a younger sister over the years they performed together

jaehyun will end anybody who lays a hand on aria

a little bap bap if you will

he asked her to take him ice-skating one day, and the entire time was spent with aria laughing her ass off as he ate the ice nearly fourteen times before getting the hang of it

he takes her out for food when he notices that she’s been put back on a strict diet plan (aria thinks she’s good at hiding those pieces of paper, but she forgets that when she puts it on top of things, that other people are a lot taller than her and have a higher vantage point)

the prince and princess of nct? check

head pats

he likes to pat her head and she’ll swat it away immediately until she gets tired and just lets him do his thing

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

jaehyun was wearing a flower crown placed carefully on his head as he bent down slightly to run his hands through the damp grass. a soft shutter sound went off, before he heard a hum coming from behind him. “jaehyun-ssi, could you take off the flowers? we can’t see your face clearly because of the shadow.”

jaehyun glanced backwards at aria’s retreating figure, being chased by donghyuck with hands still stained green from the grass she had shifted through to find the fallen flowers. she stopped and waved at him before resuming her run.

“i’d rather not, if that’s alright. i think it fits quite well with the theme.”

➣ Jungwoo ☾ ariwoo

oh my god someone please stop these two

once jungwoo taught aria about the power that aegyo holds for persuasion tactics against the older members of 127, they were unstoppable

you should be afraid of them

100% have plotted someone’s murder before (and have succeeded, czennies always wondered where that last manager went after The Incident)

aggressively cute together - to the point where your teeth will rot

jungwoo will intentionally flirt with aria just to fluster her because its “so easy to do”

not very physically affectionate, but jungwoo has no hesitation calling out “uri fighting haeyadwae!” to her when she looks like she needs a little encouragement

jungwoo is the reason she wants to do a bachelors degree after finishing high school

he used to help her with her maths assignments after school when she was struggling with managing her time

they’re called the “aegyo duo” of the group, and there has yet to be an outright winner of the competitions to find the cutest member (its aria. jungwoo said it himself, its aria but we been knew)

they have an odd dynamic of looking like best friends the first second, evil masterminds the next and then siblings who want to murder each other but they make it work

will and has flopped down on her while she was laying on the practice floor and then whined when she tried to get up

he spilled the tea that aria gets super emotional and affectionate when she’s drunk

cutest shit ever that made ariwoo shippers lose their absolute minds was the clip that got released in the behind the scenes filming of Kick It, where jungwoo was half asleep in the corner and aria just pops up out of nowhere to shove a folded jacket under his head and made sure to prop it in a way that he wouldn’t get a sore neck when he woke up

jungwoo is the reason she knows korean curse words (dont tell doyoung)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria wobbled in her heels slightly as she stepped out of the van, trying to hold a blanket up to protect her legs while she slid off the seat onto the ground. jungwoo extended an arm around her waist, gripping the blanket in his other hand and carefully holding her to make sure she didn’t trip on the cobbled stone.

➣ Mark ☾ mari

1/2 of the best friend crew

honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny

but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable

you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)

mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible

kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired

mari being confused in foreigner: ???

aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while

aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?”

you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions

mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi

they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )

in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile(tm)

he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it”

when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself

consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc.

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합... 結合..... le chéile.... le... le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”

and thus, a new confusion meme was born

➣ Haechan ☾ arichan

the other half of the best friend crew

absolute heathens to be around when they are together

donghyuck is the person aria is closest to, and someone she’d call her best friend (only when she was sure he wouldn’t hear her)

she calls him “the demon child i can’t get rid of” but will, and has definitely pouted when he ignored her for too long

generally aria is a pretty soft spoken person, but not with hyuck around - he brings out all her chaos energy (please pray for the patience of dotae)

the pair have a little tradition of kissing the back of each others’ hands before going on stage for good luck. they can’t even remember how it started, but now its an unnegotiable pre-show ritual

he’s so clingy with her absolutely everywhere its painfully adorable (ಥ﹏ಥ)

interviews? hyuck has a hand on her knee, or if she’s wearing a skirt he’s tucked his hand in between their chairs so she can hold it discreetly. in the dorms? full body tackle onto the couch, where he proceeds to lay on top of her completely.

because of hyuck’s nickname being the sun, and aria always being around him, czennies gave her the nickname “moon” to go with him

fans thought that aria was older than hyuck for a good year and a half before she released her birthday on a vlive, because she’s normally the one tasked with reigning his chaotic energy in during promotions (that is, if she hasn’t already joined him)

but off-camera, aria is absolutely hyuck’s baby there is no disputing that. aria’s sad?he’s there with ice-cream and a blanket and a baseball bat.

the winnie the pooh character that is on aria’s bed was a gift from hyuck for her 17th birthday, after she made him watch seven episodes of the show on netflix with her one night

yes he complained, but he slapped her hand away when she went to change it to something else

a twitter thread of a czennie comparing their horoscopes together went viral when people realized that it was quite plausible that the pair were each others (platonic) soulmates

after an incident involving blueberries, donghyuck took it upon himself to check the ingredients of every. single. food item in their dorm to make sure it was ok for her to eat

hyuck clowns her for her irish accent, and aria curses him out in japanese

tldr: they cute or whatever

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

donghyuck was doing a vlive in his bedroom, sitting and talking to czennies when aria opened the door to his room quietly. she didn’t say anything, just waved slightly with almost closed eyes before she crawled underneath his covers and tucked her plushie underneath her chin. hyuck didn’t even blink at it - so it must have been a regular occurrence.

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sunflovverharry · 4 years ago

Text

Nightcap - Harry Styles one shot

a/n: hello again I'm back with another one shot and this time it's bouncer!h which I'm so excited for!! I wasn't going to post this yet, but seeing as I won't get the next chapter of my fwb series out tomorrow I thought I'd give you this :)) If you like it, please like and reblog and also message me if you want to talk about bouncer!h or any of my other fics, enjoy xx (also I had no idea what to call this fic so ended up with nightcap but i don’t think i like it)

Pairing: Bouncer!h + y/n

Warnings: Language, alcohol, smut, mutual pining

Word count: 6k

Summer was over and junior year was right around the corner. Starting it off with a bang, y/n and her friends decided to go to Mike’s after pre-gaming, ending up pretty tipsy before heading out. The line wasn’t too bad, but it was clear a lot of college kids coming back this weekend had the same idea as you had. It was still warm outside and y/n had her favorite leather skirt on (knowing she’d regret the decision when she’s sweating on the dancefloor) and an off the shoulder ruffled white top. Thankfully she went with a pair of comfortable but trendy sneakers knowing she would most likely end up walking home after dancing the night away.

The group found themselves at the front of the line after only five minutes and y/n flicked through her little purse hanging off her shoulder to find her ID. When she found it her eyes went straight to the bouncer standing in a pair of tight black jeans and a t-shirt with the bar’s logo to the right along with a flashlight in his hand so he would be able to see the ID’s easier. His face wasn’t clear to see from the way he was looking down at someone else’s ID, but she could tell his face was clean from any stubble. She didn’t know how old - or young - he was, but nevertheless she was attracted to him.

When the person in front of her got checked y/n was already raising her hand to hand him her ID. It didn’t seem as if he’d noticed her in the line as his brows raised slightly before he caught himself and showed her a tight-lipped smile. He quickly took a look at the ID in hand before handing it back and letting her pass him with another small smile. No words exchanged between the two except the handful of shy, awkward smiles. Y/n had heard him say ‘thank you’ or ‘next’ so she took it that he was a bit too shy to get words out in case he’d fuck up before he could actually do something - just like her.

Y/n hadn’t managed to get him off her mind for the remainder of the night, continuously sneaking looks behind her to see if he was walking past or standing in the doorway. More often than not she couldn’t get a glance of him before he walked outside again to handle the line of people wanting to get inside before they close just to grab a beer or a couple shots before going home to someone for an afterparty.

Harry had himself been darting his eyes to where she had been sitting most of the night whenever he went to the toilet or changed assignments with other bouncers to check on how it’s going inside. Before she could catch him in his staring - caring more about making sure her silhouette will stick to his mind than kicking out the overly drunk people - he turned around to hide behind a wall or go outside again. He didn’t have the confidence to know she was looking back or to do anything about it if she caught him, instead wanting to hide from it - her.

The night was over for y/n around two in the morning, wanting nothing more than to go home and heat up the leftover pizza from her dinner and jump in the shower to wash off the sweat she’d worked up to while dancing. What happened wasn’t much different from her wishes, except for what happened in the shower. She was unable to get the bouncer off her mind, replaying her thoughts of how good he looked when she first saw him at the front of the line along with the smile he gave her. It led to her bringing her favorite dildo with a suction cup in the shower, attaching it to the wall so she could pretend she was getting pounded from the back - by the bouncer.

A month later Mike’s was the regular spot for y/n and her friends on every Tuesday - since there were no classes on Wednesdays - and Saturday - the usual party night. Harry worked almost every time they were there and after the third time of checking y/n’s ID he now let her walk straight inside the bar - her friends still had to show their ID though. He always gave her a smile while showing her she could go inside by moving his arm towards the door - y/n always saying a small ‘thank you’ with her smile getting bigger for every time he led her inside.

She badly wanted to catch his attention and get a conversation started, though not having a clue what to even say, ‘Hi, would you wanna go home with me?’. It would not only be embarrassing for her if she got turned down, but she also wouldn’t be able to show her face at Mike’s again. Maybe it’s a good thing she hasn’t made contact, not knowing how he is. Yes, she’d love a fuck, but not from a fuckboy who gets around with a different girl every weekend.

Weeks later October was in full swing and y/n was getting frustrated with how she and the bouncer - who she now knows as Harry after finally getting the courage to ask him what his name was just last week after downing a good couple vodka redbulls - still hadn’t gotten anywhere. Not that she knows he wants the same as her at all, but with how they act towards each other - smiles that have escalated to smirks and grins over time, small hi’s and how are you’s when they walk past each other during the night.

The third Tuesday of the month y/n was at the bar like usual with her friends. She had gone to the bar to order another beer and Harry slowly walked over when he saw her standing alone, wanting to spike a conversation though unsure of what he’d actually say. In his mind she was out of his league - a gorgeous figure with hips even he was jealous of, a university student (he’d figured out when she accidentally showed him her uni ID instead of her license the second time she went there), a tight knit group of friends she seemed close with and the most alluring and seductive shiny blue eyes he’s ever seen.

She didn’t seem like the type to be interested in a twenty-five year old bouncer who still doesn’t quite know what to actually do with his degree and lives in his parents basement. It’s not like he’s never moved out, but after a year out of uni and still not happy with his choice in career, he decided it was best to move back home and get a job there while figuring his life out. After three years he still isn’t sure where his life is taking him, but he’s sure it could be a lot worse.

Y/n noticed him creeping up beside her in the corner of her eye and thought this might be the one chance she had to get to know him and had to let go of her own insecurities about him not actually being interested. He’s been avoiding her it seems like for the past two months, only opening up the tiniest bit since the first small smile she got that august night so she wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to get to know her, or fuck - which to be honest was most of what she was interested in.

“Hi stranger.” She was hoping for a smile back at least - maybe more if he felt courageous - but something in her told her she’d get more. Only a second later she got her answer.

“I guess we are strangers, with the exception that I know your birthday.” He saw the clear surprise on her face; was it from him replying in a full sentence or him remembering her birthday after only looking at her ID not even a handful of times? He wasn’t sure. Letting out a silent laugh before letting go of the shock of his sort of joke she took a sip of her beer as she pondered how she could respond with the hint that she wanted to get to know him a little bit at least.

“You want to grab a beer with me when your shift is over? We can play truth or truth.” She didn’t know how he’d react to her wanting to talk to him on what might seem a personal level. Hopefully he’d accept the offer and tell her he’d be back soon.

“Sure. If you want to meet here again in twenty I should be off the clock.” His smile was encouraging and it excited you that the first step was taken. If he only wanted their maybe coming relationship to be friendly then she’d deal, but there is no way she would be the one to turn him down.

Y/n nodded. They stared at each other intensely for a long time, their eyes locking and smiles couldn’t be fought off their faces as he started walking backwards until he finally broke contact and turned around going back to work. She was thrilled to have finally made contact, unsure of who to say took the first step really and eager to see him in a casual way when he’s not working, though they’re still at the place he works. Surely everyone knows him here and that made her sort of intimidated. They couldn’t run off or be completely alone because there would always be someone keeping their eye on him - other bouncers or bartenders.

Her friends had decided to call it a night only a couple minutes before she were to meet Harry again, so she found a stool at the bar and ordered two beers for them to indulge when he got back. The beers were sat in front of her only seconds before Harry made himself known with a soft hand to her shoulder. Turning around to get a look at who touched her, she was pleasantly surprised - Harry stood in his work clothes still and she didn’t quite know if she liked it or if she had hoped he’d wear something else. She was glad his arms were showing still, the tattoos a major part of what had her attracted to him in the first place.

From the moment Harry got a beer in him he seemed more relaxed and she even managed to get a boisterous laughter out of him once when she told him about a childhood story. Y/n found that his personality made her more attracted and interested in who this man was, hoping for a ‘yes’ when she asked if he’d like to come home with her.

She hadn’t had sex in a long time, knowing it would be useless when she wasn’t attracted to anyone. They wouldn’t make her cum and she would end up having to fake it. After a couple of times it got old and she figured making herself cum was fine until she found someone she liked. Harry was much like y/n in that aspect, though his last time wasn’t as long ago - more like a month compared to y/n’s eight. Neither spoke about it on the short walk home, their fingers connected as if they were a couple who had been on a date that went a little too far into the night. She told him her apartment might be a little messy as she hadn’t found a good outfit right away - to which Harry retaliates with a ‘you’ve looked amazing every time I’ve seen you at the bar’.

They hadn’t actually spent more than five minutes at the bar - enough to finish their beers - before heading out. It was clear they had the same intentions from when he said yes to coming home with her at three in the morning to when he connected their lips right as he heard the front door shut. Y/n couldn’t help but moan at the impact of her back hitting the door and his lips working hers with a fervor she’d never experienced before.

If the way his lips worked and his hands groped just the right places had anything to say for how he’d work in the bed, she wouldn’t have any complaints. Heavy breathing and moans from the both of them were loud before they got to her bed, laying her down beneath him and pulling her jeans down her legs while she pulled his shirt off him. They didn’t spend much time getting to know each other's bodies, but enough to figure out what the other liked and disliked. Harry found the spot between her neck and ear she mewled from when he kissed and y/n; the spot right beneath the laurels tattooed on his skin he shuddered from when she lightly grazed before reaching further down.

When he finally slid into her she arched her back and he closed his eyes trying to keep from busting already. It was quick and hasty and intense but they silently agreed that it was incredible and when they both came and it was over round two and three weren’t far between. There was no question of staying the night, y/n only lifting the sheets up and dragging him with her.

Y/n woke up to an empty bed - there was no Harry beside her or holding her like he had been when they fell asleep early in the morning. If this was a romance novel there might’ve been a note saying sorry for leaving her on ther fridge or something along those lines, but there was nothing. Almost like he wanted to forget it happened, but she couldn’t know what went through his mind at the time. It wasn’t like she could be angry or upset by him leaving without word either, not knowing him too well or having any relation to him except knowing him as a bouncer at her favorite bar.

Though what Harry did was a dick move, she didn’t want to tell anyone about their night (or morning), it was her memory to have alone. Part of it was because she knew they’d all see him again and there was no reason for her friends - or her - to be malicious towards him. From the small conversations she’s had with him and how shy he originally was, there is no way he had intentions to make her feel small. Or he put on a front for her to make her think he’s a good guy.

Y/n soon finds out there’s no reason to dwell on the subject, instead putting her head in a book to give herself away to a fantasy world where everything seems to be a little too perfect for her liking. Sure, she enjoys reading about a perfect world, but in the end she could never imagine it being her life. With her over-the-top parents and siblings that she barely speaks to; she’s glad she’s made it to university where she can care for herself only (and her friends, but mainly herself).

****

After two weeks away from Mike’s, y/n is back with her friends, ready to get so far gone she won’t remember how she got home. Yes, it’s been one of those weeks for her - absolutely awful with a breakdown over midterms at least once every day. Already having had a few beers at home, she was starting to feel it when they got to the line. She wasn’t trying to look for if Harry was standing at the front checking ID’s like she normally would do. Tonight was about letting loose and having fun with her friends - if Harry wanted to talk he could initiate it.

Harry wasn’t at the front of the line ready to let her through without seeing her ID, just like every other time, this time it was someone new who looked at every single ID for a little longer than necessary y/n thought. Finally getting inside the bar, they grabbed the closest table to the bar that wasn’t already occupied.

Our first round of drinks that consisted of cocktails, beers and shots for everyone was quickly over. Most of them downed the shot before our drink of choice wanting to get smashed as quickly as possible making the night end rather quickly (with some of the group getting kicked out most likely). The group weren’t known to get kicked out, but when they had the mindset of getting absolutely plastered it was definitely happening. Y/n hoped Harry wouldn’t see it if it ended up being her getting told to leave - if he was there that is.

Hours later the clock had barely hit midnight and y/n had taken one shot too much for her to be sane any longer. Her thoughts of leaving Harry alone and making him be the one to contact her if he wanted went out the window and she was on a mission to get him alone - mostly to ask if he’d wanna come home with her again because she was horny. In times where she was this horny there was no way she wouldn’t do anything about it, either finding a man to satisfy her (which seldom happened) or getting her toys out to make her come (which always worked).

She had seen Harry doing his round to check if anyone needed a talking to or get kicked out not too long ago and she hoped he was still walking the floor as it’s much harder to get him to herself if he’s checking ID’s. She pretended to walk towards the toilets but her eyes didn’t stop flickering about to see if Harry was in sight hoping to catch his curls above everyone dancing.

If she’s being honest, it wasn’t hard noticing him - hands in his pockets and brows furrowed in concentration to see if everyone is still doing alright - standing by the lower left corner, only a few meters from the toilets. She walked toward him with determination and it was easy doing so because he hadn’t noticed her yet and it was clear her liquid courage was helping some.

“So.. were you going to talk to me?” Harry only noticed her when she started talking, way too distracted by looking at the people on the dancefloor. It didn’t necessarily surprise him that she took initiative to talk to him and to be quite frank, he wasn’t sure he had the nerve to start up a conversation with her. Of course, he wanted to talk to her to explain why he left her the morning after they had sex, but after she didn’t show up at the club for two weeks he thought she was angry with him. Maybe she still is and he is not one for confrontation.

“I was going to, but then you didn’t show up here for a while so I thought you didn’t want to talk.” He forced his eyes to stay on hers while waiting for her to say something. It was nerve wracking, but if they were to continue bumping into each other at the club he didn’t want there to be any conflict between them - no matter how big or small it is.

“I’m not mad, just wanted to get everything out in the open I guess. I mean, I get that we were just hooking up, trust me I’m not looking to date you, but it’d be nice to have some mutual agreement even if it was a one time thing or if it happens again - which I won’t be opposed to if I’m honest.” The wicked smile on her lips told him she was thinking back to that night just over two weeks ago where their bodies touched and longed for the others. It was a good fuck, he admits as he, too, thought back to their night spent together in her bed.

“Okay. If you want to wait until I’m done at around two we can do a repeat of it?” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them, eyes widening at the forwardness he usually doesn’t have (especially not with pretty girls). Y/n only nods his way before leaving him alone to grab another drink with her friends. He had a hope that she wouldn’t drink too much so she would still be able to go through with their unspoken plans for the night.

Harry was holding y/n up by her thighs, fucking into her against the wall in her living room. She wasn’t holding back letting him know how much she liked what he was doing and it wouldn’t surprise her if the moans and high pitched sounds she was making could be heard outside her apartment. In the moment she didn’t exactly care about letting people know she was having the time of her life; getting fucked by someone she was attracted to and who was - in some insane way - better than her dildo. That much was clear after the first night they shared together and she could only hope he had the same thoughts about her.

They had left the bar hours ago heading straight to her apartment. Clothes were tugged off and strewn across the floor and their naked bodies worked perfectly together to please the other. It was as if they were made to please each other, Harry knowing exactly what to do to make her feel good and he wasn’t afraid of asking what she wanted or needed. Y/n was (in Harry’s eyes) an expert on giving blowjobs - sucking him off like she could read his mind thinking about everything he liked. Her tongue skillfully dragged downwards on his cock to suck his balls while her hand continued its motion up and down, her thumb circling on his head. He was in heaven and had to pull her off before he’d shoot his load in her mouth before he could get a taste of her.

Over the next two months they continued hooking up - usually after Harry ended his shifts at the bar and y/n was more than ready to get out. Her friends knew something was up between them after the third time not leaving when they left. The fact that she was eyeing him every time he passed them was a dead giveaway, too, as she isn’t normally one to give guys ‘the eye’. They hadn’t brought it up or told her they knew after Caleb caught them making out in one of the back corners. Though Harry was embarrassed to have been caught doing something he probably shouldn’t have been doing while at work, Caleb only laughed and whipped around to walk back to their group. Y/n had told him it was fine and they wouldn’t care, but he quite clearly noticed the whole group would stare at him when he was close over the next few weeks. It was uncomfortable for him, but he came to terms with it knowing what they were actually doing was private and between only the two of them.

They had gotten to know each others bodies - what they respond to and how to tell they’re about to cum - over the time they spent together. Though they never extended their time with each other, always keeping it to going home - mostly to y/n’s place except if Harry’s parents are gone - and fucking. If it’s only one round or the whole night depended on if they were doing things the next day, but there had only been a handful of times they kept to one round. One of them always managed to keep the other going for at least another round which then turns into hours of them enjoying each other.

Y/n was asleep when Harry called her; his shift at Mike’s was over and he wanted nothing more than to see y/n. He knew she wasn’t at the bar as he would’ve seen her either in line or inside, probably trying to sneak off somewhere secluded to make out during his break. It had become a regular thing for them to sneak off suddenly, her friends understanding she was with Harry if they couldn’t see her. Y/n felt as if there were magnets pulling them together, not able to withstand the urge to be with him. She never thought of it to be anything more than what it is - he is the best she’s had and she doesn’t want to let go of it any time soon.

Harry on the other hand was starting to think what if there is a reason behind them not being able to keep away from each other for more than a couple of days? Christmas break was just around the corner and he knew y/n would be gone for almost a month and he wanted to see her as much as time allowed them to before she left to go to the other side of the country. He knew time would pass slowly when he had two weeks off work and she was gone. Sure, spending time with his family and friends is nice and all, but to be quite frank he’d rather spend it in bed with y/n.

When y/n finally answered her phone Harry didn’t even give her time to say hello before asking if he could come over to which she of course said yes. He always wonders if his parents notice him not coming home from work until early morning or after breakfast. He’s sure they do because his car isn’t in the driveway and they’ve told him they hear when he opens and locks the door at night. Right now though, he couldn’t care less about his parents having questions, all he wanted was to bury himself in y/n making her moan out in ecstasy.

Y/n will be the first to admit that he did just that. He had her writhing beneath him, shaking from the multiple orgasms he gave her, screaming so loud the neighbors might be worried for her safety and the smile so wide on her lips didn’t fall once. She was happy to let him take her for the rest of the night into the morning, hopefully leaving giving a smack to her ass just like she enjoys in the bed. Harry knew this and whenever she wanted him to give it to her on her stomach he smacked her asscheeks till they turned red and his handprints were visible. It wasn’t unknown between the two that he reveled in it, too, saving the image for whenever he couldn’t have her and had to revert to his hand.

“I want you to cum on my ass, please.” Y/n was as carefree in bed as she was out, never scared to tell him what she needed or ask him to change it up. Harry on the other hand, was still holding back a bit, the introvert in him hesitant to do anything in case he would mess something up. Y/n could tell he was coming out of his shell more as time went on and they continued hooking up, sometimes taking the reins and telling her exactly what he wanted or needed to get off. She remembered one specific time she gave him a blowjob he voiced his needs and she grinned at him so wide until he came in her mouth - You’re going to keep your hands behind your back until I’m close and then you’re going to swallow my cum.

Harry didn’t hesitate to pull out and have her turn around to lay on her stomach, she bucked her hips up against his cock in anticipation for what he’d do. She knew he loved her ass, always grabbing onto it when they were making out, she was riding him, or when she was on her stomach for him. His hands found their way to her cheeks, grabbing one in each hand and spreading them to ease into her.

It was six-thirty in the morning and it didn’t surprise them that they had been fucking on and off for almost four hours as it happened most times they met. Maybe they should be worried they’re fucking too much and becoming addicted to each other, but honestly Harry thinks that ship has sailed a long time ago. He was addicted to her but there is no way he’d ever tell y/n.

****

A month later and Christmas break was coming to an end. Y/n had spent most of her time away thinking about Harry. It had been lonesome without him. She was used to seeing him a couple days a week at least and now they hadn’t spoken a word to each other over the break. Really, it wasn’t that weird, because they never texted or called about anything except if Harry’s working or if he could come over. It was quite clear they weren’t friends as they didn’t know anything except surface things about each other. Y/n thinks maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if they did become friends..

Harry himself had tried his hardest to keep y/n out of his head, only ending up with a hard on whenever he thought of her too long and having to leave the party to take care of himself. It was almost embarrassing having a crush on someone who continuously made him feel like a boy in middle school by getting boners whenever he couldn’t keep her out of his mind. He would never tell anyone about what they had been doing for the last few months, too shy to even talk about his sex life with his friends, but if this is how it’s going to continue he needs to at least grow some balls and talk to y/n.

Sure, he wasn’t opposed to continuing hooking up with her without talking about his possible feelings, but in the long run he knew it’d only hurt him more than making him happy. Even just hanging out without doing anything sexual would please him, getting to know her on a friendly level. Staying the night and being able to pull her closer to him and place a kiss on her temple before falling asleep spooning after fucking her raw would make him feel better about it than what they’re doing now - sleeping on opposite sides of the bed pretending to not know the other is there.

He’s been thinking that he’s using y/n for what she seems so happy to give him, but it has to be like that for her as well, he thought. She has to know they’ve been using each other and there might be a chance it would lead to something more for at least one of them, if not both, but Harry doesn’t want to be miserable if she doesn’t reciprocate his thoughts or feelings. Deciding it’s not worth dwelling over without talking to her first, he gets in his car and drives over to her place knowing she had come home earlier that day.

He stood outside her apartment door for some minutes to collect himself and know that being honest with her is what’s best for the both of them even if it goes sideways. The fact he was about to see her - and possibly fuck her - again after a month of nothing was also nerve-wracking.

There was no better time than the present and y/n opened the door only seconds after Harry knocked. With a lovely smile on her face and glowing eyes, it looked like she had needed the time away to relax and get back into her groove before the new semester. He couldn’t help but smile back, thinking about how he doesn’t ever want her smile to fade.

It didn’t surprise him that when he got inside and closed the door behind him she pulled him in for a kiss, already clawing at his jacket to get it off. Of course, Harry wanted nothing more than to give in to her lips and soft hands and continue until all their clothes were off and he could see the naked body he’d been dreaming about, but he had to talk to her first. He pushed her hands off of him and moved to create the smallest bit of space, not wanting her to think something’s wrong.

“Sorry.. I just have something to get off my chest if that’s alright?” Harry’s heart was beating a million miles an hour and y/n’s wasn’t far from that either. Immediately she came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to hook up anymore and she wouldn’t have the chance to get to know him like she decided she wanted to while she was away. It’s obvious they couldn’t keep playing games for forever, but she liked what they had going on - though she imagines she wouldn’t hate it if they were more than acquaintances. Hanging out a little longer, getting to know each other - more than knowing their favorite positions at least - and cuddling before going to bed. It didn’t sound awful.

“I’ve missed you over the past month, y/n.” She looked up at him, not meeting his eyes as they were fleeting all over the place not knowing where to place them. He certainly wasn’t confident enough in himself to place his eyes on hers, though he saw her wanting them to meet so she could be sure he wasn’t speaking nonsense. “You know I’m not good at speaking up, but I couldn’t keep this to myself as it concerns you as well. It’s alright if you don’t want to grow our acquaintanceship, but please don’t string me along.”

There was clear vulnerability in his quavering voice and y/n found it admirable how Harry had the courage to talk to her about his feelings, unlike her who was planning on keeping her thoughts to herself, for the time being at least. Now though, there is nothing keeping her from letting him know how she couldn’t want anything more than to advance their relationship to something more to see how compatible they are. They barely know each other and it might be a miss, but they owe it to themselves to at least try.

As Harry still wasn’t looking at her, he couldn’t see the smile getting wider by time. Y/n brought her hand up to his chin to guide his head in her direction. Closing the space between them, she put her lips on his, placing a delicate kiss on his lips - quite unlike the kisses they normally share.

“I missed you too, Harry.” He enclosed his arms around her waist, bringing her as close to him as he could without squeezing her too hard. She heard him sigh into her neck, content with how the conversation went, she presumed.

For the rest of the evening, they laid in her bed talking and getting to know each other, in more ways than one. It was intimate - like nothing Harry had ever experienced before - and when night came there was no way they would separate. Though y/n still had a week left before college started up again, Harry had work and it was clear they wouldn’t be able to spend that much time together. Tonight was their only night together before it was time to get back to reality, which is why she decided to go home with Harry. She’d only been there a handful of times over the course of their months hooking up, mostly because he didn’t want his parents to get in his business. It didn’t really matter this time, only caring about spending time together.

****

Hope you enjoyed my take on bouncer!h and I’d appreciate it if you reblogged to get my writing out <3

Last fic: FWB series chapter 1, chapter 2

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