#still I honestly I don't think he realises how miserable he makes himself

[tibtew]

saeru is so funny to me because like. he Could technically attempt to actually Live as he seemingly wants to do, but instead he chooses to subject himself and everybody else to despair because "Mom Ignored Me That One Time 😢😢"

[nonstoplover]

sleep without you ~ charles leclerc (cl16)

my masterlist | my f1 masterlist

pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader

song inspiration: sleep without you ~ brett young

summary: charles struggles to function properly without her by his side, or a story of a night without his girlfriend.

words: 2.1K

warnings: nothing, just fluff and a slightly clingy charles baby <3

a/n: idk why but this song honestly screams charles to me whenever i hear it, so i just had to make it happen. also this was supposed to be posted on my one year f1-aversary as celebration (well technically it should be more if counting my childhood f1 years but anyway), but i was so caught up in another wip that i couldn't do it. so happy anniversary to me and f1 (two weeks late) with this lil ficlet <3 thankful for all that f1 gave me.

big thanks to the amazing lovely silverstonesainz for helping me make this better and to the equally awesome monzabee for making me much less anxious with her words. love you sm queens!!

please, don't be a ghost reader, leave a comment or rb!

Charles spends a whole afternoon trying to convince her to have a night out with her friends. Just because they're in a relationship doesn't mean they can't have fun without the other as well from time to time. There are still a couple of weeks left of winter break, plenty of opportunity to spend time just the two of them before the season starts again. So the usual point of view, the usual reasoning doesn't stand a chance – that they should spend as much time together as they can, before he's back to travelling all around the world.

"Go to a club, grab some drinks, dance and laugh the night away", he tells her. The usual bestie coffee dates or walks in the park that she usually raises as argument are not the same as a night out, and she hasn't done that for so long now. Definitely not since he's been back home, and he knows just how much she enjoys dancing her heart out.

(y/n) agrees after a short while, accepting his reasons, knowing full well that he's right, and after a few phone calls she starts getting ready, soon walking out the front door, dressed all pretty and dolled up.

Doesn't take long before Charles realises what he's done. A feeling tingles in his chest, one he recognises swiftly. He's miserable. Solely because she's not there by his side, as he makes dinner, eats it – all by himself –, before settling on the couch to occupy himself with a movie. It doesn't matter though, he doesn't pay any attention to it. He doesn't even know what's going on, he hasn't heard a single line, too busy thinking about her.

When the credits start to roll, he switches the TV off with a surprised look in his eyes – how did it already end? He doesn't even remember the first scene ending. Then he moves into the bathroom to do his night routine, from taking a shower to putting on some skincare products, all the while wondering how long she will be out for? Will she come home soon? Hope tingles in his chest that the answer to his question is yes.

Having finished with everything, Charles lies down in bed, trying to read a book, then scrolling on social media, doing anything to keep his mind from straying over and over again back to her. He knows this is stupid, he was the one telling her to go out, why is he like this now? Lying awake on his side of the bed, the fingers on his right hand tracing figures onto the sheet where her body usually rests.

This is pathetic, Charles thinks. He never thought he would be like this, so miserable and impatient just because she's not at home, with him. He's tossing around, unable to find a comfortable position for himself – it seems like he forgot how to sleep without her. No matter how many times he's had to do just that, in hotel rooms all around the world. The past few weeks erased all those nights from his mind.

The delicious scent of her shampoo fills his lungs when his face lands just a bit too close to her pillow, and all of a sudden it's like he's burying his nose in her hair. It only makes him miss her more. Sleeping is impossible, he knows it now. He's only daydreaming, not actually dreaming, of her arriving home and being in his arms again.

Charles imagines the way she dances in the middle of the floor, her hands in the air, shouting the lyrics loudly to the song currently playing – most probably something she knows and loves –, and he can't help but smile fondly. Just the thought of her having fun is enough to make him happier, even in his misery.

He pictures a scene where a random guy tries to get too close to her, as it has happened so many times, whenever he leaves her alone for a few minutes at any club they've been to. It doesn't matter where they are, doesn't matter if they spent the night so far together, all over each other, someone comes into the picture immediately when he leaves, either to grab a drink for the two of them, or to go to the restrooms.

It's not like he doesn't understand those guys. She's simply gorgeous, and radiates such a vibrant aura that everyone is drawn to her. He honestly just finds it funny at this point. Nothing makes these men back off more effectively than her. Oh, the amount of times he bit back laughter watching the scene unfold from a distance. Seeing men crumble and disappear looking all ashamed, what a sight that is. And he doesn't have to do anything.

He wonders how many times she's had to fight off guys so far tonight, with him not even in the club, and he finds he can't wait to hear all her stories of the newest victims. Pierre never understood why Charles found it so amusing, he didn't seem to get it. The trust they have in each other. Knowing that it's him she'll come home to at the end of the night is enough to make him only feel entertained by each instance, and not irritated at the slightest bit.

But thinking about (y/n) fighting off men is only good enough entertainment for a limited amount of time, and soon the smile fades back into a miserable pout on his lips, as his thoughts turn back into ones of impatience, trying to make time move faster with short little prayers falling as mumbles from his lips.

With a sigh, he eventually sits up, looking around to find something he can do. At last he decides on grabbing a drink himself, maybe it will help stop the flow of thoughts racing in his head. A little welcomed dullness.

He takes a seat at the kitchen table, sipping on the liquid in his glass, enjoying the feeling of the light alcohol gently burning his throat on the way down, numbing his tongue along the way. His fingers stay restless, now drumming on the wooden surface. A few minutes later he realises they play a song, soundless except the soft thud of his fingertips with the occasional louder tap or little scratch of his nails when a finger finds a different angle to hit the table with.

A melody appears in his mind as he watches his fingers move, imagining how it would sound if it was his piano instead of the kitchen table. He would go sit at the beautiful, white instrument and try it, but he doesn't want to be so loud at such a late hour. And anyway, he's way too comfortable sitting where he is to stand up and go somewhere else.

He looks out the window, catching sight of the moon – almost full, just a tiny bit of it missing, and Charles examines the craters that are visible to the naked eye, though only as spots of a darker shade on the round shape.

Maybe he'll name this new musical piece that's being born in his head right now after her – well, if he ever finishes it. He'll keep the usual format, three letters of a city name and a date, only this time putting the time and place of when they first met. Or should it be the time and place of when he first asked her out? Or their first date? Or when she agreed to move in with him? God, there are way too many options to choose from. He decides to put this problem aside for now, he's not in a rush to name a song not even written yet.

As the clock on the oven changes all four numbers to display 2am, the action rouses his attention and makes him tear his eyes away from the moon and look at the numbers instead.

He would've never ever thought that he'd be like this.

Raising his glass he notices that there's only a small sip left in it, which he downs in a short moment. His tongue darts out to gather all the minuscule drops that might rest on his lips still, not wanting to waste even that much of the delicious drink. Then he stands up, placing the glass down into the sink, making a mental note to clean it in the morning before (y/n) wakes up.

Just as he ponders putting another movie on, maybe only as background noise if nothing else, his phone buzzes in the pocket of his pants. Taking his time, Charles pulls the device out, expecting nothing more than a useless notification from a social media app he shouldn't spend so much time on anyway.

Instead what he finds is a text. From her.

in a cab, be home soon &lt;3

Charles lets out a relieved sigh, his lips involuntarily curving into a smile, one that you could almost call giddy. It's not just the thought that she's going to be here soon, but the fact that she remembered to text him to let him know. He's in her mind, just like she's in his, even though she's been out with friends, having fun, drinking, while he's only been at home, all alone with his misery.

Now he can move back to bed happily, knowing that shortly she will join him.

It truly doesn't take long until Charles hears the front door creak as it opens, then the familiar jingle of her keys hitting the drawer in the hall, and his heart flutters with happiness. Finally. The high heels she chose to wear hit the floor with a soft thud as she presumably removes them, and the growing anticipation in his body seems to eat him whole.

Her steps grow louder and louder as she moves closer to the bedroom, and time slows for Charles. He watches in slow motion as she appears in the doorframe, being propped up on his elbows to have a better view, a lazy smile curling onto his face, and his eyes lidded with drowsiness.

"You're still awake?" (y/n) giggles, pausing in her steps for a second as her eyes take in the view he provides lying there. His lack of reply to her text made her think he's already fallen asleep.

"Of course," he mumbles. "Come to bed."

His voice is whiny and he behaves like an actual child, he knows, but he can't help it. He wants to sleep, and he wants to sleep beside her, feeling her warmth against his skin. That's the only way he can.

"Let me get changed first," she starts towards the closet, when a grunt of pure displeasure sounds from him along with the thump of his back as he falls into a lying position once more, making her glance back at her boyfriend. "What, can't wait a single minute?"

"No," he protests, pouting . "I've been waiting for hours."

His accent comes forth stronger when he's sleepy, and she can't help but smile adoringly upon hearing it. He's just so cute.

"Okay, fine, you'll get one kiss," she gives in. Charles resembles a lost puppy and she's sure he knows that's her weakness. She can't ever say no to anything when he looks like that.

So that's how she finds herself crawling into bed, trying to get as close as possible to the boy without causing damage to her dress. He grins, as much as his tired facial muscles allow, awaiting her lips touching his own. His pout becomes even more apparent, right until the moment he finally gets what he wants. His goodnight kiss. It's soft, slow and just so full of love it makes both their hearts flutter.

Then she caresses his cheek gently, whispering a barely audible good night, sleep tight to him, before moving back off the bed to disappear in the closet, leaving Charles to think about how he'd happily convince her again of going out if it means she'll come home to him, looking so radiant, properly buzzing with energy, eyes shining, hair messy but still looking so breathtaking. It's obvious how much it meant to her that she had this night out. He made her happy with telling her to go out with her friends, and he didn't regret it, despite all the miserable hours.

By the time she finishes her night routine and walks back into the bedroom once more, he's fast asleep, quiet snores filling the silence of the room. She bites into her bottom lip to keep in the giggle threatening to burst out, and with a heart full of adoration and a head slightly dizzy from the drinks she's had, she gets in bed beside him, snuggling up close to him, revelling in the feeling of his arms instinctively finding their way around her body even when he's sleeping.

He truly only waited for her to come home and give him a goodnight kiss to finally be able to fall asleep.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Sooooo I am very curious about your Durge and how they are built. Do they link into the lore of the earlier games? Are they a resist or accept type? Tell us more! 👀

You mean built as in "how Bhaal made him", or as in character build, or as in characterisation? Well, I'll answer them all anyway. Here's more rambling information than anyone needed about my fucked up, socially-unacceptable mess who needs therapy!

[Be aware dead doves may be present, ymmv]

Resist, technically. He woke up with a tadpole in his head and no memories, he wasn't going to trust a presence in the back of his head that kept stealing his bodily autonomy until he understood what it was. As he grew fond of his party, he began to be pushed towards doing good things and helping people to please them (and because it honestly does feel good to see people happy, even as it makes the Urge hurt him).

Of course there were a few exceptions where nobody except Astarion was looking where he was a bit pragmatic or just plain mean, because it was funny.

Then he got his memories back in Act 3 and had a full blown nervous breakdown as he realised how badly he had failed Father and his sole reason for existence by allowing himself to fall for the delusion that he was a real person. He tried to go back to just being Bhaal's evil little puppet, but it was too late and his loyalties were torn between being what his friends wanted and being what Bhaal wanted. There was another panic attack when he couldn't bring himself to kill Minsc because it would upset Jaheria, Wyll and Karlach. Still murdered a few innocent people and a celestial being behind their backs. Also every Flaming Fist in the Lower City, but that was their own fucking fault for having stupid AI. Turns out you can't have everyone you love, but luckily he got to solve this issue by letting Father kill him as punishment for his failure! He repents for his failure and his friends get to believe that he died a heroic sacrifice and move on with their lives - win-win! Except that Jergal interfered and now he has to carry around this tainted, stolen flesh he doesn't want to claim - damn you, old man.

Post-game he's living with Astarion; both having their bad days where they have time to stop and process their trauma now, and also having good days where they adventure; grow into being fully free willed individuals; hunt and kill people for fun, blood and profit where socially acceptable; and get some research done on stuff like Bhaalspawn and vampires. He'll probably be ok in, like, a decade or twenty, once he's finished coming to terms with the idea that he was genuinely miserable and terrified living under Bhaal's control and has formed his own life and a stable identity. In the meantime - abandonment issues, identity crises, issues about autonomy, paranoia about retaliation and religious guilt!

If he had failed in his duel against Orin and been condemned to lose his autonomy (and seen his friends immediately give up on him), or had he not been given death as a choice, he probably would've forsaken the party and fulfilled his original purpose in the end game. But he would've quickly killed them in their sleep first as a mercy! He's not totally heartless! He's an absolute mess.

He doesn't have much in the way of connections to the original games.

I go back and forth on how old I want him to be and haven't settled yet. I don't think he's young. Originally I had him be born in the temples before the Time of Troubles, along with the other Bhaalspawn but then it turned out that Durge's backstory is weird.

Going off of what we're told about being carved from Bhaal's dead flesh, having no birthday and being conceived beyond mortality, I'm assuming he was created from a part of Bhaal's corpse on the Astral Plane, where there was no time. Probably shortly after the end of Throne of Bhaal, in 1369 DR - maybe Bhaal was paranoid about Amelyssan and Bhaal's failure to be resurrected triggered the failsafe and initiated plan B: the Dark Urge.

Or Vel was born after 1372 DR, when Bane was reborn and Bhaal maybe felt a little insecure.

I have contemplated having my Charname meddle with his "birth" to piss Bhaal off, adding part of her own essence into the mixture. Technically it's not incest, because it's purely by magic, but it's still enough to make her sort of his mother and make it weird. Just to make the family tree even more complicated. Also technically makes him a half-human, half-hin, sun elf, quasi-deity. Nothing in this guy's life makes sense.

He's a ranger, because hey, he's a hunter - he just hunts people. He's comfortable hunting and surviving in urban or natural environments; he learned to live off the streets while being homeless after his foster family's death (and the subsequent massacre at the Ilmatari shrine that sheltered him) and learned to live off the land after fleeing into the wilds to lie low. It's also how he's familiar with poisons and venoms. He has an interest in death as part of the natural cycle, so the nature class suits him. Also likes animals, who are significantly less judgemental and more pragmatic about killing. Scavengers tend to follow him around for the corpses he leaves, and he ended up with a few rat and corvid animal companions (though Bhaal often forced him to kill them if he got too attached). It also lets me play a divine spellcaster, although I assume in his case the power is coming from his own soul rather than a patron god.

He's a divine being and an excellent killer, he knows this and it gives him self-confidence in his actions that some have described as "insufferably arrogant" or "suicidal". His go-to tactics for dealing with a problem are: Step 1) Promise death if subject does not submit Step 2) If subject does not submit; kill them Skipping to step two is also always on the table. All problems can be solved with murder.

His dump stat is intelligence, because the poor kid who ended up alone and homeless didn't have much time or resources for education. In another life he would've been a bard, he has a knack for carrying a tune and writing prose. I like to think Orin would've enjoyed art and maybe the theatre in her own alternate Bhaal-free universe, so it's an interesting parallel for them.

He takes an approximation of elven form because Bhaal decided to reverse engineer the Blessing of Corellon, using the soul of one of his elven kids as a reference, to give Vel a physical fluidity/flexibility that would be useful to his plan to breed an army of Bhaalspawn using Durge. Also works as a threat; obey, or there are other uses I have for you, and some of them will see you locked up for nine months. (Vel goes by male pronouns and presents as a cis man, but is somewhat flexible and accepts they/them pronouns. Not she/her though.)

Vel also has a million and one hang-ups about sex because of stuff like this; namely that he won't have any kind of sex that might cause pregnancy, and he used to kill the partners he begrudgingly took so that they wouldn't be able to perceive him during the act or remember him sexually. He makes a special exception for people who he's assigned an "equal" or "higher rank" over himself - they can do what they like with him and it's their right. Those exceptions would be Bhaal (Vel's body is Bhaal's body, as far as he's concerned), sort-of Gortash (except Vel didn't fully trust him and their relationship makes Bhaal irritated, so every time they had sex Vel had to leave and have a panic attack afterwards) and Astarion (who has his own hang-ups). There might have been something kind of going on with Orin, partly due to pressure for them to have "sacrificial lambs" together, but neither want to talk about it. He considered Ketheric, but Ketheric can't die and that would ruin it because Vel would be too busy trying to kill him to actually have sex.

Originally he was going to be the son of a member of the Eldreth Veluuthra, who turned to Bhaal for divine aid because the Seldarine still won't aid the terrorist organisation in committing genocide against the human race, for some strange reason. She would've raised her little abomination into be a weapon to set on them, and enjoyed the irony of humans being slain by an abomination spawned by of one of their own gods.

Since "the Dark Urge" gets you some funny looks when you use it in public, mine concedes to being called "Vel" - a name that only gets you funny looks from the minority that speak elven, because you've just introduced yourself as "dagger/knife." It's a description of him as a tool, not a person. His foster family did give him a name, but he refuses to acknowledge it because it was intended for a person who only existed in their imagination and he'll stab you if you call him by that name. He technically got the name from Gortash, who once "jokingly" referred to him as his favourite weapon one evening, enjoying the success after one of their joint plots to exploit some noble or other and advance both their goals via assassination/politicking. Vel has identity issues and complicated relationship with real Tel'Quessir, so he chose the elven word for the irony (no real elf would accept association with a Bhaalspawn, least of all this one).

Mostly he goes by no name at all. He might pick a new one, in a few decades when he's grown, healed a bit and feels secure in having his own identity.

Vel is Lawful, and alternates between Evil and Neutral depending on his mood and situation. He will fall to pieces without a purpose to structure his life around. He doesn't care if people around him are more Chaotic though, it's purely a personal code. If he takes a mercenary or assassination contract or something, he will fulfil it to the letter and make no attempts to backstab his employer or get any more than the agreed upon payment. He makes zero promises about the actions of anyone working with him, they can do what they want and it's not his problem.

He has a hierarchy in his head: Bhaal > Himself, Gortash, Astarion > Orin, the party > everyone else

His moral compass is a twisted thing that he's cobbled together out of scraps over the course of under two months, it's not very complete or useful. On the good-evil axis, he doesn't usually have second thoughts about taking actions that are evil, and he's not keen on the concept of morality as a whole; there was never any point in developing a sense for it. He never had any real say in his actions and he kind of resents people who judge him for them.

He kind of misses Sceleritas, his "great purpose" and all the power he used to wield, and he would make a fantastic Sharran.

[space-blue]

Hi, I'm not sure if you've talked about this before and it might be silly to ask this, but I'm curious about your opinion:

There was a scene that surprised me quite a bit in episode 6 when Vi escapes. Initially, Silco was sitting calmly, and then boom! Everything explodes. It's understandable, but it's strange because Silco has always reacted in a cautious and calm manner, except for one time in episode 3 when he was talking to Vander. After that, he has been someone who knows how to stay calm. I've seen people say that Silco's reaction is because he's a megalomaniac who doesn't like anything being out of his control, but I don't think that's the case. I think it's something more complex. I see Silco as someone who internalizes everything to maintain control or appears to have it, keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself. That's why you see Silco exhaling or releasing tension before and after meeting with his associates, but I might be wrong. Anyway, I'd like to know what you think is the reason for Silco's actions.

And I'm sorry if I made a mistake in my grammar, I don't speak English very well

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out and asking me this question... It sends me back to my Arcane meta days with a big smile on my face.

But honestly, I don't know who looks at Silco in that episode, having finished the story, and thinks he screams because he's megalomaniac. Not only does this not go with the rest of his character, it just fails to comprehend his character arc.

Silco doesn't want power. He wants freedom, and he wants his mission to realise itself. Silco has more of a religious fervour to him. He's a zealot. He speaks of the 'Nation of Zaun' with an air of rapture. He believes it, lives only for it. Just because we may not like his ways doesn't change that. I mean look at this guy :

#fully lost in the sauce

A character who really wants power would be Finn. We see him fallen to the trappings of wealth, plotting to uproot Silco from his position. Finn never shows any care for the cause. He only cares about supplanting Silco.

If Silco truly cared about power, then why is he still leaving down deep, on top of a night club? If he's a megalomaniac, why are his list of conditions for Jayce not covering him, but demanding amnesty for his people and equal access to the Gate for commerce?

No. Silco isn't a megalomaniac. He definitely wants to be in control, but that's hardly surprising for a leader. We also only ever know Silco at crazy important moments of his life, where his plans are running wildly or exploding in his face. It's not exactly every day Silco.

Most of the people we see him interacting with also tell us things : of course he needs to be ruthless and in control while facing Marcus. That man would lash out at the slightest show of weakness. Same with the other chembarons, who actively turn on him after the factory attack (that makes him look weak).

Silco isn't a control freak to be a jackass. He's like that because he's a Zaunite, and a Zaunite in a dangerous position of power. He's shaped by his environment too.

Anyway, why does he lose his cool in episode 6?

It's actually a very short answer! It's because of Jinx.

Jinx is his everything. Across my many meta posts I covered how codependent they are. How she physically abuses him, yet he never reaches out with any force towards her. The most violent he is, is after she nearly ruined his life plans and won't listen, and all he does is snatch a pen from her hand to make her pay attention.

They exchange caresses, rest against each other. He keeps her gifts on his official desk and actively uses them. And in the end, he can't accept her mortality, and sacrifices everything he's suffered and fought for his entire sad, fucking miserable life, because he loves her more than his cause.

So why does Silco lose it? Because Vi is alive, Vi is looking for Jinx, and Vi is the only person who could actively take Jinx away from him.

I mean like a day or two prior Jinx lost her shit and nearly killed Sevika because she saw a pink haired girl. Silco takes her to the pilt to try and soothe her and put her demons behind her, the only way he knows how. And then she happily gets to work! She's doing well!

But Silco isn't dumb. He knows Jinx is unstable and unpredictable. And finding Sevika hung like a ham from the ceiling? With a broken arm? Yeah, he knows she knows, and she's pissed... And he KNOWS that he just told her that VI IS DEAD. Which he 100% believed! Since when Sevika tell him about Vi being back he's like "From the dead???" in total horror and disbelief.

Marcus completely blindsided him, and it's a race against time now.

A race in which if Vi lives and finds Jinx... His Jinx, the only person he thinks he has... The girl he loves more than his cause, even if he hasn't fully realised it yet... Might hate him. She might decide to leave him.

Then he'd be alone again. And uhm... IDK if you all noticed but like... Silco isn't exactly a picture of clean mental health either. He's trauma ridden, set in very harsh ways, and has a solid spark of paranoia (which has kept him alive, but also isolated).

So the Silco screaming and spitting and kicking is a Silco who thinks that potentially everything will be fucked up now. He's stressed about the developing situation (the one where he asked his unstable daughter to basically make a nuke with stolen uranium, while juggling an increasingly strained sheriff and actively traitorous colleagues), AND the potential idea of his ONE person, his one broken, fucked up, twisted emotional bond, potentially being ripped from him.

Last time that happened, Vander was trying to drown him.

So he's just in a Bad Place™️

Cut the poor man some slack ahaha. I think it's normal that the mask finally cracks and reveals his emotions.

Silco isn't a cold character! His speech to Vander shows his zealotry and his passion! He has a dark humour too, and is aggressive and bitter when cornered. Silco wears a mask of cool professionalism when it's convenient, which is very often, as a leader in the undercity. But he also shows lots of emotions whenever suits.

I don't think you can be a cold character and stay riveted on your insane freedom fight for like 20+ years. He's got a big fire burning in there, and the scene in episode 6 is the proof of how hot it gets when he thinks he's about to lose it all. All your examples of him 'reining it in' are great too! He clearly has strong emotions. He just manages them a lot.

I hope this answers your question! AAaaaahhhh look at me, I just went and gushed, didn't I?

Thanks a lot Anon. And your English is better than some native speakers I know, so don't worry! <3

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Sick!Fics (2) Masterlist

part one

Fighting The Gravity (ao3) - stelleshine michael/luke E, 2k

Summary: Luke's sick and miserable in Japan and Michael breaks the rules to snuggle him.

floating then drowning (ao3) - lovelymuke michael/luke T, 9k

Summary: As Luke stands over the bathroom sink and swallows one of the pills, he knows that this is it. There's no turning back after this. As long as he can make the bottles of pills he has stashed in the bottom of his suitcase last until the end of the promo run he’ll be fine. So he doesn’t worry. Instead, he just knocks back the second pill and walks out of the bathroom to his waiting boyfriend. He’s going to prove that he’s still worthy of being in the band, that he can hold himself together.

If he needs medication to do that, no one needs to know.

i don't run away when your face says "achoo" - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) ot4 T, 2k

Summary: Ashton gets sick, and his boyfriends come to the rescue to take care of him.

I Feel Awful (ao3) - babybam luke/ashton G, 2k

Summary: Ashton gets sick and Luke is there to take care of him. Ashton being stubborn he insists that he is fine to play their show the next day. But maybe he should've listened to his bandmates.

if it's all a dream, don't wake up (ao3) - lifewasradical michael/calum G, 5k

Summary: Calum dreams of it all, but front and center, as always, is Michael, smiling and holding his hand through every scenario. Calum’s always sought out Michael in times of comfort, something he thinks will never change, regardless of how old they get and how many years they spend together. 

Or, 5 times Michael tells Calum to go back to sleep and the one time Calum tells Michael to go back to sleep.

i'll be damned (ao3) - prettyluke (parting_ways) luke/ashton T, 8k

Summary: Luke is sick, and sometimes Ashton feels like he's the one who can't breathe.

I'm Begging You to Be My Safety (ao3) - kayehmwhy luke/ashton G, 1k

Summary: “I don’t really tell anyone unless I have to,” the younger said staring at the floor. “It’s not something i’m proud of.”

Or // Luke's emetophobic, Calum's airsick, Ashton's trying to help and Michael's asleep.

I'm Gonna Stick Like Glue (Because I'm Stuck On You) (ao3) - onceuponatime michael/calum N/R, 3k

Summary: "The main reason Calum tolerates his job is because of Michael. Michael – the pale, asthmatic, hay fever and bronchitis suffering, regular migraine bearer with no immune system who comes in at least six days a week with a perpetually running nose and bloodshot eyes. Even in warm weather he’s bundled in layers, a beanie perched on his head with whatever colour his hair is that week peeking out from underneath. Calum might have a tiny little crush on him. Well, maybe it’s not so tiny. It’s actually quite massive and he’s sure Michael Clifford is unintentionally and unknowingly ruining his life."

or Calum works in a pharmacy and Michael comes in quite a lot

Maybe You Should Stay (ao3) - pilotmikey michael/luke M, 7k

Summary: Luke is sick and Michael feels like home.

More Than This (ao3) - nationalnobody calum/ashton, michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: In which Calum is sick and puts up a front because he refuses to let anybody find out and Ashton is the only one who realises it.

perfectly fine... (not) (ao3) - lovelymuke michael/luke T, 7k

Summary: In which Luke is sick, stubborn and trying to deal with his problems on his own. Michael is unaware, exhausted and honestly kind of, just a little bit, sick of Luke’s shit.

secrets no longer kept - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) ot4 T, 9k

Summary: Michael had only wanted to help when he decided to disguise himself as a beta. Their alpha was becoming stressed. Unfortunately for Michael, one slip up causes his mates to find out his secret. His mates react accordingly when they find out Michael's been an omega this whole time.

Sick Day (ao3) - TylerM ot4 G, 4k

Summary: The one where Ashton gets sick on the WWA tour and tries to keep it from his band, and fails miserably.

A sad excuse for a tooth rotting fluffy one shot about how Ashton hates getting sick and his band mates worry too much. Including big brothers One Direction, just to add to the fluff. Because honestly why not?

Throat Massages (ao3) - smol_whale michael/luke G, 8k

Summary: Where Luke comes stumbling into Michael's room in the middle of the night and his boyfriend gives him a neck massage like earlier on TV.

___________

The story of how Luke was sick the other day featuring (obviously) a day of sick Luke, a lot of Muke cuddles and sassy Ashton.

Torn Up - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 8k

Summary: Ashton can pretend all he wants, but Michael isn't an idiot; he knows when something's wrong.

Touchy - @daydadahlias​​ (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) ot4 7k

Summary: Ashton has eye surgery and the boys take care of him.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

I think it's important to learn the difference between being strong and just being controlling. There was nothing pretty about E's and EmR 's relationship. No matter how many fans try to romanticize it. Maybe it was difficult for E to identify controlling behavior when he was in a relationship with EmR. Maybe that's why he considered her strong and thought what he had was true love. It's easy to justify controlling behaviour as a sign of caring or love for you. It's important to remember that controlling behaviour is not love, It's about power and manipulation. I'm not a psychologist but this is just an observation. I honestly get frustrated when some are glorifying EmR and think she's this charming kind girl. I'm mostly talking about Twitter and Instagram. Maybe she's someone you can have a good time with, but we need to look deeper into someone's character because I sometimes feel that some fans want this relationship to happen again. Say if the domestic case didn't come out in 2013. Say if those people from the hotel didn't call the police that night-would people be knowing that E was in an abusive relationship? And since E never talked about it, that would make him a silent victim as well. At least now he doesn't walk around with mysterious black spots and scars on his face. EmR's aunt is someone who's powerful in Hollywood so she can debunk every negative publicity said about her niece. She's also good friends with Ryan, so it's easy for her niece to get lead roles in his shows when she has these kind of connections. Some consider EmR's roles as iconic when all she basically does is act the same every time. E however, has something that not many actors in Hollywood have these days and that is that he can actually ACT. He worked his way up and even though he's an incredible actor- he still takes acting lessons. He respects his craft and works incredibly hard to give his best performance and to become one with the characters he's playing. That's what I consider acting and being an actor. And people should stop assuming he's miserable all the time and that he desperately needs someone in his life right now or that he has to be matched with someone. He's an introvert and he's in the public eye with social anxiety. Being an introvert myself - we always have to recharge our battery to be social again because it can be draining. We like calmness and being alone from time to time. About the wedding videos: he was having a good time- away from the pressure, away from the public eye- just enjoying a non-celebrity event with close friends where he could be himself. He was smiling and had that spark. That's the E I know. It's all about the environment he's in and the people he's surrounded with that makes him blossom as a person. And since we're obsessed with his love life haha- I personally do not believe in tarot readings cause I believe it's all about the right timing and that what's meant to happen will happen. Let him figure out what he wants and when he wants it, as long he's taking care of himself and realises he deserves more and how worthy he is. He's been through a lot. Relationships can be so overrated and sometimes deciding to stay single is the best one can do because it let's you rediscover yourself and makes you realize what you want and don't want in life. We don't know with who he'll end up with, but what what we do know is that he deserves someone that's gonna treat him the right way instead some trophy instead. People in the industry described him as one of the nicest people so when I read hate comments about him, it incredibly angers me. There are so many assholes in Hollywood, yet people come after one of the sweetest, most humble guy that is minding his own business and just doing his job.

whew! thank you anon. very well-put <3

[larrietalk]

If you actually look at the history between H and Jeff, you can really see how calculated it was from the beginning. Jeff being an offspring of the music industry mogul Irvine Azoff was the right age to swoop right in when management physically forced Louis and Harry apart, most of the time onto two different continents, and be like „oh Harry, I can be like your older brother show you the ropes around LA, the industry and Hollywood, let me introduce you to all these cool people and places and parties! I know how you feel, I’m young too and sort of slipped into the industry circles bc my dad is big here“ and to me it’s quite clear that this was planned by the azoffs for a long time, kicking off with „oh do you need a manager for your solo career? Funny I was thinking about becoming one, let me found my management company real quick under my dad’s company. Isn’t it gonna be great to have a friend who’s got your best interest at heart be your manager??“. To Jeff, Harry was always a cash cow first, a friend second, and for a long time I think for Harry Jeff was a friend first, manager second. It does feel like it changed during the pandemic. Maybe Harry had some time away from all the yes-sayers around him and get a better view on his situation, and maybe saw other people take charge of their careers in a way he’d like to himself (Louis? BMG?) But yeah. I think Harry’s sort of over it, and genuinely feels hurt and betrayed by his friend Jeff. It’s not a simple this or that thing, though. Imagine you slowly realise your close friend you’ve had for years does not in fact have your best interest at heart? Yeah those platonic feelings don’t just disappear over night.

Well anon, didn't you just choose a perfect day to send this in. Yeah, in all honesty the sheer fact that Irving probably sent Jeff to befriend Harry with the intention to make him their cash cow in the future is.... sick. Don't even get me started on the age difference too. Jeff came into the picture at the time when Harry was being separated from the band and Louis, when he was spending all of his free time in LA. If we look back at how the Azoffs took Harry in when he was just 19-20 years old away from his family and his partner….it really is sick to think about it all being planned. However, I do keep wondering what is happening bts now, because what they're showing us? Is this really Harry? Or is HSHQ's perception of him so warped? Suddenly, he's this untouchable star, too cool for everybody, only interacting with HSHQ-approved people, never talking himself... Are they afraid of who he really is and trying to erase it? Because honestly, when he was still speaking (lol), he said one thing and the team had him do another.

Now, seeing Harry in 2021 I genuinely thought (still actually do) that he saw through Jeff and the rest of the people around him. I don't remember when we last saw him genuinely smile. He seemed to look miserable, tired, even during tour you could see he was going through the motions at times. Then, there's all the support they are showing his beard. Talk about respect for Harry's real partner, huh. And now, they are having him perform at a festival owned by a literal homophobe? Making money for a man that has a record of donating to anti-LGBTQ groups? Where is the care and protectiveness for Harry's identity? Yeah, you might say it's business and money matters most, but some larries still put Jeff on such a high pedestal saying his love for Harry wouldn't let this happen so I ask... Where is that love and protection for him? You know, for a team that’s touts being about community, they sure are okay with supporting the oppressors of Harry's own community. So the fact they are still around is truly... astounding to me. 

And I do think that Harry genuinely saw Jeff as a friend so I can’t even imagine how hard it must’ve been to realize that your friend would prioritize money and commercial success over what you stand for, your well-being, and your long-held desire to come out. If we are right about this, I feel for Harry so much because he seems like he cares greatly about loyalty. I don't know, nonnie. I sometimes am not sure what to think. But I do anticipate that something may have to blow up soon because the way HSHQ is operating now and just by looking at Harry - it can't go on.

[castielcommunism]

Hi I've been wanting to ask someone this for quite a while and I think you're the right person cause I love your interpretation of cas. I wonder if you could give me your view of how cas took it when dean called him his brother in s11.

Before the sacrifice, when they were saying their goodbyes, after talking to sam, dean comes to talk to cas but they didn't have their hug right there (did they even talk then? If not, what could have been their interaction?). It seemed a bit off. As if cas kind of closed himself up first but then felt guilty and so interrupted dean's talk with chuck to hug him. And dean is like Okay Okay and then has the Talk. Why didn't they just have the talk and the hug before dean went to chuck? (I'll send you the reference videoi, didn't know we can't upload a video for asks.)

Anyway, following this, the entire of s12, cas was behaved kinda pissed, Lost, trying to find a new purpose, suicidal. I don't mean to ask if it's because of being brozoned cause cas in general is kinda like that, but I've just been wondering what all actions of cas were a result of (or atleast being partly affected by) dean calling him his brother. Hope to hear your thoughts on this but theres absolutely no pressure 💜

thank you!! and honestly sorry, but I don’t have too many thoughts about that specific interaction. like I’ve seen joke posts about how Cas looks like an abandoned puppy after Dean calls him brother and I think that’s pretty much the case.

and like there’s a weird thing going on where Dean situates Cas in the Highest Tier of Friendship (calling him family), but in s12 Cas says to Mary I don’t know if I belong here. so like I think Cas just took the comment to generally mean that Dean considers him to be a close friend, but that doesn’t mean he strictly ��belongs” with the Winchesters, and it definitely means that romantic stuff is off the table (which Cas takes as a rejection, even if that’s not actually the case, because Cas has never broached the subject with Dean).

in general the way I approach spn, especially later seasons, is very selective and vibes based. like I find taking everything as a single cohesive linear story to be very frustrating because it takes for granted a lot of the weird miserable baked in dynamic in tfw that was cemented in carver era. big plot stuff is often not addressed, or addressed very dismissively/quickly (like the aftermath of the MoC arc for example), so my response to that is to basically be like, okay well if the show doesn’t think this is emotionally important than I won’t either. which is a roundabout way of saying I don’t have too many intelligent thoughts about the transition from the s11 finale and bro comment to Cas being detached and distant in s12. That’s not to say there’s no connection (I think you made a good one!), I just personally don’t have a lot of thoughts about it. And laying all my cards on the table, most of my attention and energy for s12 goes towards Mary and Dean because that’s the emotional core of the season. So I don’t like “ignore” Cas or anything, but I don’t use s12 to read a lot into his character if that makes sense.

I think Cas accepted that Dean only ever thinks of him as a friend a long time ago, so while the brother comment still stings, it’s not especially surprising to him. I prefer late seasons destiel getting together, but that’s moreso because the main cast has a more established friend group, and s12 especially makes for a good “fresh start” with a lot of their relationships with each other because of Mary’s sudden introduction into their lives. Like I think it makes Dean re-evaluate the relationships he has with the people around him, it makes him reconsider the relationship he had with this father, and it gives him a come-to-jesus-esque moment where he realises that he needs to like, work through some stuff and let go of a lot of emotional baggage so that he can be happier and healthier with the people he loves. Which leads to him and Cas getting together!

Anyway I feel like this is probably a very unsatisfying answer sorry lol. Feel free to reply/send more asks if I didn’t answer your question, this is kinda rambly and all over the place

[notasdriedapricots]

For the weird questions for writers: 16, 18 and 26 🌸

Helloooooo! Thank you! ♥

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I read one book at a time so typically I don't need more than one bookmark, I just take it with me to the next book. I will use whatever I have within reach as very short term bookmarks (say, a couple minutes while I get water boiling for tea or something like that).

However, my first thought for this was books during uni, because those were all short term bookmarks. Packages of cookies, full pencil cases, other books or my notebook... Still nothing too weird, tho, I guess.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

As a rule of thumb I despise my own writing, with one single exception, which includes:

"A part of him wanted her to be selfish. It wanted her to be happy that he found the idea of leaving her excruciating, to lean on that so that he would stay. But another, bigger part, loved that she hadn’t. [...] It loved that she loved him enough to put who he’d been and what he’d wanted before meeting her above everything else. And he hated that that same love was going to make her, both of them, miserable until he was back."

I remember I wrote that entire prompt in one morning and half an afternoon, and I still feel like it reads as someone else, but I still like it. I'd been thinking about what it would be like for Liz when Lucas left for DWB, and I realised that Lucas, as I wrote him, as he was with her, would find himself doubting whether or not to go. He'd think that it's a bachelor's dream, of someone who had nothing tying him to a physical place, and he'd realise he had been like that, but wasn't anymore, not really.

I researched a little and the minimum you can go for is nine months. And I knew he would be very unsure about that. And I knew Liz would 100% make him do it, and that would be one of the things he would love the most about her.

So it didn't change much from start to end, it just ✨manifested ✨ itself into the text and it simply felt true to what I wanted their relationship to be like.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

I honestly don't know lol My writing process is usually just write things as they come and as they feel natural. I treat them as people I know, with the little pieces of myself that are inevitably engrained into them.

I suppose my answer would be "I try to reason through them", in a way. So I don't get in or out, I just pick a stand in the situation that I think would suit them and build from that, so I don't really have to "get out" of their heads either.

I'm currently writing them overthinking, though, which is something I'm extremely familiar with :) So that's proving to be easier and harder at the same time, because it's easier to write what you know but also I know a lot about it and I can't shut up as you've probably noticed I'm so sorry.

I haven't made them go through angst yet so I haven't found myself in a place where I'd regret empathizing with them.

Thank you so much!! ♥♥

[karliahs]

It’s been months since he was this close to anyone. It might have even been Jon the last time, too; helping him walk down in the tunnels. How did they get from there to here? How-

“Tim?” Jon asks softly, pulling back to look him in the face, and it’s the loss of that warmth and pressure that makes Tim realise he’s started breathing in great, shuddering gasps. He screws his eyes shut and Jon reverses their positions, pulling Tim into his chest with unpracticed but fervent hands. His T-shirt is soft against Tim’s face; he hadn’t thought Jon would own anything so soft.

Tim’s throat is burning, but as long as he keeps his eyes screwed shut then he isn’t crying. He isn’t crying on Jonathan Sims the night before they both-

“It’s alright, Tim,” Jon says, searching for words of comfort he only half believes himself. “It’s - whatever happens tomorrow, it can’t - we’re safe here.”

Tim laughs bitterly. “Nothing’s fucking safe.”

Jon seems unable to decide between rubbing soothingly at his back and just holding on as tight as he can. Tim shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be giving into this. But there's a reason he lost so much time when he should have been searching for the thing that killed his brother. The Institute was full of potential answers, but it was also full of bright, lovely distractions. He's buried in the arms of one of them.

Tim didn't used to think of that as weakness - but he didn't used to think there were worms that burrowed through your flesh, or creatures that took every true memory of your friend without you ever noticing, or monsters that played with skin, played with the fabric of who you were, because it was fun.

Tim doesn't know fucking anything, and maybe he never did, and now all that's left is to-

"What can I do, Tim?" Jon asks, and he sounds so honestly lost.

"Turn back time," Tim murmurs into his shirt. "Don't let go," he adds a moment later.

“I won’t, I won’t.” Jon clutches him impossibly closer. Tim’s world narrows down into warmth and pressure. “Tim, we don’t - we don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”

The gentle vibration of his words is almost enough to distract Tim from the words themselves. He turns his head so he can speak un-muffled, and immediately misses the comfort of being closed in. “I do, Jon. I can’t…” Tim fumbles for the right words, wondering faintly if this is how Jon feels all the time, struggling to give voice to the unspeakable. “The worst thing in all of this, the worst thing would be if they hurt someone again while I’m just standing there."

Still not crying, not as long as his eyes are tight shut. He feels Jon hesitate, then push forward anyway. "Even if...Tim, even if you had moved, what could you have done?"

Tim squeezes hard at Jon's side and isn't sure if he means it as a warning or a plea.

"I'd never have met you," Jon says, so soft Tim isn't sure if he was meant to hear it.

"Was just thinking before,” Tim replies, because he’s fucked up enough that he might as well keep going, “I wish I'd met you somewhere normal."

Jon’s hands still, and for a moment the rise and fall of his chest does too. It’s the closest thing to absolution Tim’s ever offered. He’s glad he can’t see Jon’s face, can’t see whatever shock or gratitude is playing out there. At some point, he made himself into someone who no one expects to be kind. He wonders, vaguely, whether it counts as forgiveness, to want someone to spend what might be their last night on earth forgiven.

from: enemy of my enemy, aka jon and tim sit in various rooms and talk: the fic

thank you for asking!!! here we go:

It’s been months since he was this close to anyone. It might have even been Jon the last time, too; helping him walk down in the tunnels. How did they get from there to here? How-

do you ever just think about how fast things went wrong for the s1 crew...they were friends just a few months ago!! a few weeks in between no current supernatural experiences -> trying to survive supernatural experiences together by physically holding each other up -> complete alienation. some experiences just defy comprehension, emotionally speaking, even when you can see every step that led from there to here

i also like to make myself sad by thinking about the practical day to day aspects of everyone in the archives being alienated from everyone else. like...when were either of them last touched (non-violently)

so much has changed but they've circled back around to each other

“Tim?” Jon asks softly, pulling back to look him in the face, and it’s the loss of that warmth and pressure that makes Tim realise he’s started breathing in great, shuddering gasps. He screws his eyes shut and Jon reverses their positions, pulling Tim into his chest with unpracticed but fervent hands. His T-shirt is soft against Tim’s face; he hadn’t thought Jon would own anything so soft.

'person starts crying without noticing until someone points it out' is a trope i generally try to stay away from partly because i just can't imagine that ever happening to me and therefore it doesn't ping my realism senses, but i get one (1) because it is undeniably juicy

this fic is very zeroed in on tim's perspective in terms of small sensory experiences, for a few reasons - drive home emotions, portray dissociation, and because i like writing about how it actually feels to be in a romantic gesture, to make it more real than just like...an image of people holding each other

small detail that jives with bigger points - jon's shirt unexpectedly soft, jon's surprising ability to still provide him with gentleness and comfort

i think jon here has no idea what to do but has been given permission to touch so is living his best tactile life with this inexpert hugging and is hoping that does something

Tim’s throat is burning, but as long as he keeps his eyes screwed shut then he isn’t crying. He isn’t crying on Jonathan Sims the night before they both-

“It’s alright, Tim,” Jon says, searching for words of comfort he only half believes himself. “It’s - whatever happens tomorrow, it can’t - we’re safe here.”

Tim laughs bitterly. “Nothing’s fucking safe.”

tim spends a lot of this fic having his inner-monologue cut off to try and show as well as tell that he's struggling to stay present

that 'both-' hurts me, honestly. hurts more than it actually being spelled out, i think. write to upset yourself, maybe you will upset others in the process

half is a word i absolutely overuse in writing but cannot stop. no one ever does something all the way, they are half- believing, wondering, worrying, etc.

i'm never 100% sure if i'm accurately capturing the way that jon speaks in canon but i did always like and want to emulate the fact that he speaks kind of hesitantly, trips over his own words, etc

Jon seems unable to decide between rubbing soothingly at his back and just holding on as tight as he can. Tim shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be giving into this. But there's a reason he lost so much time when he should have been searching for the thing that killed his brother. The Institute was full of potential answers, but it was also full of bright, lovely distractions. He's buried in the arms of one of them.

Tim didn't used to think of that as weakness - but he didn't used to think there were worms that burrowed through your flesh, or creatures that took every true memory of your friend without you ever noticing, or monsters that played with skin, played with the fabric of who you were, because it was fun.

again, jon does not know what to do so he is just trying. just trying to do any kind of soothing hand thing

i thought quite a lot about reconciling the seemingly happy-go-lucky tim that gets presented to us early on vs learning why he came to the institute in the first place. tim here is framing that as a failing because he's miserable and traumatised and guilt-ridden, but i think at least part of it was actual healing. he was taking time and enjoying the people around him and trying to make the best of things, until it all went wrong

related, the self-recrimination of tim hating himself for not having seen any of this coming, even though they were not predictable events...very human nature after you have been through something terrible. how dare i have not anticipated every trouble that ever befell me

'played with skin, played with the fabric of who you were' - a lot of this story was me just enjoying the themes of stranger-horror. i love the terror of knowing there are creatures who can change aspects of you that should be unchangeable, physically in skin and otherwise in terms of identity and memory. love applying that to jon and tim, who have been fundamentally changed against their will by trauma and their roles in a story neither of them wanted. skin as metaphor for identity, and learning that people can take away your skin is then utterly terrifying to someone who already feels like his identity is being forcibly eroded. and then that shared terror brings them back together, just a little

Tim doesn't know fucking anything, and maybe he never did, and now all that's left is to-

"What can I do, Tim?" Jon asks, and he sounds so honestly lost.

"Turn back time," Tim murmurs into his shirt. "Don't let go," he adds a moment later.

this fic...is so sad. why did i write this. why am i being attacked by my past self and their awful words on this day

explicit admission that tim wants/needs jon here...even a chapter ago he was like yeah i'm going to america with jon bc i am regrettably relying on him as my reality-anchor, nothing emotional here

“I won’t, I won’t.” Jon clutches him impossibly closer. Tim’s world narrows down into warmth and pressure. “Tim, we don’t - we don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”

The gentle vibration of his words is almost enough to distract Tim from the words themselves. He turns his head so he can speak un-muffled, and immediately misses the comfort of being closed in. “I do, Jon. I can’t…” Tim fumbles for the right words, wondering faintly if this is how Jon feels all the time, struggling to give voice to the unspeakable. “The worst thing in all of this, the worst thing would be if they hurt someone again while I’m just standing there."  

Still not crying, not as long as his eyes are tight shut. He feels Jon hesitate, then push forward anyway. "Even if...Tim, even if you had moved, what could you have done?"

Tim squeezes hard at Jon's side and isn't sure if he means it as a warning or a plea.

warmth, pressure, vibration...continuing to be fascinated by the little tactile details of what it feels like to be close to someone

emotional logic is so powerful. tim moving most likely would have either made no difference to the outcome or worsened it (because both him and danny would have died) but of course for tim standing still while someone he loves was destroyed counts for everything about who he is. sometimes blame feels better than helplessness, which mirrors what happens with his friendship with jon - is it scarier if they are all helpless, or if this one guy is The Enemy

‘give voice to the unspeakable’ sometimes i like poetic descriptions of jon’s role as archivist

"I'd never have met you," Jon says, so soft Tim isn't sure if he was meant to hear it.

"Was just thinking before,” Tim replies, because he’s fucked up enough that he might as well keep going, “I wish I'd met you somewhere normal."

Jon’s hands still, and for a moment the rise and fall of his chest does too. It’s the closest thing to absolution Tim’s ever offered. He’s glad he can’t see Jon’s face, can’t see whatever shock or gratitude is playing out there. At some point, he made himself into someone who no one expects to be kind. He wonders, vaguely, whether it counts as forgiveness, to want someone to spend what might be their last night on earth forgiven.

:(

tim views talking with and connecting to people as fucking up. how much of that is even slightly shrouded in logic and how much is just - tim is depressed and deep in self-loathing, somewhere still at the core of him tim loves people and making connections, so of course doing the thing he wants to do is wrong

‘At some point, he made himself into someone who no one expects to be kind.’ tim has this thought once and then worries at it like a sore tooth because his default state is hopeless fury with himself, with everyone. i also think this demonstrates how new information/realisations often can’t help you out of a bad mental state on its own, because it’s all too easy to slot it into your existing thought patterns. pushing everyone away was making tim worse - he starts to feel like that was a mistake, but it just becomes more self-recrimination

forgiveness is one of those words that seems to encompass so many different concepts that i find it hard to know exactly what it’s meant by saying you forgive someone. specifying what’s meant by this little shard of maybe-forgiveness makes it mean more, at least to me

may i reiterate: :(

[oh-for-fic-sake]

April Teaser Collection!

Here is the  latest peek at my stuff sitting on my pc that will hopefully be finished over the next few weeks. I hope you find something that tickles your pickle. below the cut are The Stand In, It’s A Match, Deliverance, Mans False God, Gloria Regali.

But instead of being managing to be all sneaky and close the door hiding henry in your room like a naughty teen with her boyfriend Henry was up and awake.

"Aha! Gotcha! Who said you could sneak out of bed this morning baby? I was lonely with out you~" you screamed and just about jumped out of your skin as Henry wrapped himself around you from behind dragging you back into him, nuzzling into your neck pressing an open mouthed kiss to it. Your shout of surprize had silenced both of the women's chatter making them jump, even Kal came darting back in gruffing as he leapt up the stairs heckles and tail raised and growling on high alert. Fuck.

"now why cant i get a good morning like that?" Tee giggled crossing her arms at the both of you, your mother eyed you both with a knowing grin and hummed agreeing. Henry snapped his head up and gulped. Fuck. You and henry stood still for a few seconds far to shocked at being caught with your pants down so to speak. You shifted on your feet but henry held you still hands on your hips using you to shield his nude form from your guests he hadn't known were there.

"O-oh shit- err good morning ladies!" He said turning red his voice higher than usual as he shuffled backward taking you with him. As he tried saving his modesty, he didn't take the covers with him because- well he had thought it was only you on the bus!

"I err- shit i didn't see you there... Sorry about almost flashing you both like that..." he said with an uneven tone tip toeing back into the room, still holding you at his crotch hiding the once half hard- now softening cock.

"Good girl, where's your mother? Hmm? Your not supposed to be out and about alone are you?" Henry spoke slowly digging his fingers into the dense soft fur managing to find and hold the collar below the thick fur, then he leant down scooping up the lead what was still attached to her. Kal grunted and sat on the floor leaning his weight on henry's leg. Henry looked down and patted Kal scratching his ears chuckling. Kal's eyes still wide taking in the larger dog in front of him, it was comical Kal was used to being the biggest bear... but he was a good four to five inches shorted then this magnificent grey floofer.

"Kal, you okay there bud?... year she really is big isn't she, you best behave don't want her telling you off do you?" He spoke slowly calming both pups... and gosh did Kal look like a pup compared to her. Slowly both dogs leaned towards one another sniffing the air then with a happy yip Amii began licking kal... like a pup. Henry burst out laughing it was too sweet watching Amii sniff around his bear, whilst Kal sent his human a look clearly pleading for help as this new huge female smothered him with affection. But henry wasn't falling for it, Kal was wagging his tail just as excited to make a new freind.

Honestly henry was glad, akitas were fickle. They either liked you or they didn't. He got the feeling Kal would like this gentle giant for now he was a little awe struck over being smaller then something.

"Clark? Clark come and help me- I cant reach the milk! Its at the back again!" Martha said quietly you smiled. It took a lot of coaxing but you had indeed tried what Clark had explained as 'cow juice' and had developed a taste for it. So Martha had promised you milk every day if you liked. Which you did like. A lot. Clark pressed another kiss to you and walked off towards the milk refrigerators expecting you to follow.

You made to follow but a sweet scent hit you and you stopped mid step. It was wonderful and ripe, sweet and succulent. You pivoted and followed without much thought. Your feet found there way twisting around the display of 'leafy greens' to a bright colourful isle. You salivated at the smells. There were so many intoxicating scents you didn't know what to look at first.

You pressed a hand on a small net package full of strange green fuzzy balls. Kiwi's? You read and scrunched your face up at the peculiar name. Then plucked the bag up and held it to your nose sniffing. They smelled divine, like a type of food from home. Okriin a small soury sweet treat given to children on their birthing date. You sniffed again and almost cried. It was so similar but so different sweeter and fuller in the scent. You cautiously sniffed again and closed your eyes before tentativly prodding it with your tongue wanting to see if it tasted the same.

"y/n? Y/n?!- oh god there you are? What are you doing? You almost gave me a heart attack" Clark said racing towards you his mother behind him with the cart. He slid to a stop and blinked at you. As you scrunched up your nose.

"the texture of these are... Not very nice?" you said naively moving for the fruit again sticking your tongue out once more trying to discern if it was edible like this. Clark moved quickly gasping holding your hands that had the.. Kiwi's in it.

"no no.. No we- you don't eat them like that... You peel them and eat the inside, and we don't lick things in the shop okay?" he explained plucking the fruit from you and placed them in the cart, Martha chuckled into her chest she couldn't help it, you were extremely cute.

Kal proped himself up on his side and smiled sadly nodding. He knew. He knew the state they found you in was their fault. Thats why he was so adamant to look after you now to... make amends in a way. You'd proved you could barely survive on your own. But Kal was also angry; angry that you'd been abandoned, he had thought Bruce would atleast put something in place to look after you but he hadn't. Bruce hadn't helped you, he to busy saving his own skin and trying to fight him and the new regime. But he was more angry at himself you had been alone, with no means to protect yourself or really survive. And he should have known! He should have realised you were scared, that you would stay away from the new citizen system he put in place. That you'd fear being caught and killed like many of the others.

"I know, but we have her now... its going to be better now, we are going to right the wrongs love... we can give her the best life  look after her and nothing will ever hurt our little one again" his voice was strained his face in firm lines, hard and stone like. He truly was a god, carved in marble. Perfect. Diana nodded laying back curling herself around you. Kal drew a deep breath and shuffled closer winding his arms around his family, holding both his girls.

He chuckled when you grunted pouting in your sleep when he sandwiched you between Diana and himself. Trying to wriggle fee from the group hug.  But once again you settled after a few moments relaxing as you were now being warmed from both sides a small smile graced your face. Kal grinned and nuzzled the back of your head pressing chaste kisses to your bed ridden hair, he felt at peace having you here with him. And he meant what he said no one will ever touch his little babygirl.

"what wrong? Whats going on?" you spoke quietly trying not to stare at the clearly sick monarch. You didn't want to see it, you didn't want to think of the implications of the illness he was clearly suffering.

"nothing gets past you does it my girl?" your father spoke jovially trying to lighten the mood but failed miserably, his chuckles dying off fairly quickly and he heaved a sigh. Your uncle broke the silence and your fathers hand slid to yours under the table and squeezed your fingers tightly trying to reassure you.

"I have summoned you here to discuss something that... Is very serious and the outcome will change the lives of many people. This is something.. I wished I could hold off but I'm afraid I cannot firefly" you bit your lip and braced yourself. This was bad news you could tell. A part of you thought for a moment of marriage, your gut churned at the thought and you felt sick all of a sudden. Where you being married off as a pawn? It was likely, it still happened even in this day and age it was just covered up with fairytale romance... Story book meetings and courtships, when in reality you were told that your to marry and that was the end of it.

"Y/n you are royalty. You were born in to a royal blood line that has ruled over this kingdom for nearly four centuries... And now it is time for you to take your place within it and do your duty" your father stated in his 'work' voice for the time being he was not your father, he was a prince. Heir to the throne and head of your family. And you were to listen and obey.

"You want to give me duties as a working royal?" you said sitting straighter only quivering slightly. You dreaded this, the publicity the duty and responsibility that you'd managed to avoid so far. But you knew one day you would have to take your place.

"yes dear. We need you. Now" your father said urgently, but there was something off. Like he was holding back, fearfull in a sense and it was not like him.

"Of course i will. Father I'm no fool I understand what my position requires of me and i will serve my country. You need only ask and I will obey. I only ask that i be given time to sort things out with the university security and such would need to be increased if they are having a working royal on campus-"

"I'm afraid its not as simple as that we... Are asking you to put your studying off" your uncle interrupted you making you frown. What? You furrowed your brow and made to shake your head but paused. It made sense... If you were to come and take on duties then the media may go wild and cause an uproar... They could cause issues on campus

"How long for?" you asked trying your hardest not to frown at your father and uncle

"Indefinitely.." the king replied holding your gaze firmly. it was then you knew this was serious, more so then anything you’d experienced before.

[hollanderfangirl]

Nothing lasts forever |Harry Holland|

A/N: K, I wrote this for you. @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh congratulations on 1k!!! I wrote this through a writer's block so yeah not my best work

Warnings: angst, mentions of divorce, Harry being a dick

Word count: 3k

They say love conquers all. But it’s not that simple, is it? You meet, you fall in love, you think that love is enough and when things start to go downhill, you realise that it isn’t, after all. It’s the effort, time, circumstances, along with hundreds of other things. You make promises of being together forever but nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And when the promises break? You get your heart broken. But a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved. How can something so perfect, something that brought you so much happiness, something you thought would be yours forever, go so wrong?

When you and Harry got married, everyone knew you were one of those couples who make you believe in ‘together forever’. You had met when you were teenagers and neither of you thought the relationship would last even six months. But there you were, seven years later, having the most extravagant wedding, vowing to never leave each other’s side and to support one another through it all.

The first two years of marriage was a honeymoon period, you both were having the best time of your lives, going on dates often, cooking together, falling asleep next to each other, you wondered how you even got so lucky. You joined him on most of his trips, you both travelled across the beautiful cities of Europe and America together and nothing else really mattered. You loved him more than anything in the world, and he loved you, what else did you need?

When your work was piling up, you knew that you had to go back, although neither of you wanted to leave each other. He was away from you more often, working on sets and filming his own movies, but you were quite used to it to say the least. Spending away nights of frustrations all alone, with no one there for you. But you didn’t complain, you could never do that. You could never stand in the way of Harry and his career.

Two years later, on Christmas Day, you held your daughter in your arms, a healthy and beautiful baby. You and Harry had never been more happy and overwhelmed.

“So what should we name her?” he asked you while gently rocking her to sleep.

“Noelle,” you smiled. “She really decided to make Christmas even more special”

Over the years, you were so proud of your little family, you would often look at Noelle and Harry, playing or reading together and the ‘father-daughter bonding time’ as Harry liked to call it. She was more fond of Harry than you, and that was why it was even harder for her than it was for you. You regretted it so many times, you didn’t want to give it all up, to give him up. But it was becoming so difficult, taking care of a small child all on your own, along with Harry acting like a child himself. It was far too much responsibility than you could handle. You loved him, you really did, but love is never enough.

Now you were cooking in the kitchen with Noelle sitting on the counter, reciting her lessons from school.

“But mommy! We have holidays coming up now!”

“Yes and you will have all the time to play and enjoy, ok?”

“And there’s something else too,” she giggled.

“Oh is it?” you pretend to think.

“Yes! It’s my birthday”

“That’s right, you’ll spend your birthday with grandma and grandpa and your uncles”

“Will daddy be there?”

“Hopefully yeah,” you sigh.

“Will you be there?”

“Of course, sweetie. Mommy would never miss your birthday party,” you pinch her cheeks.

“Why don’t you and daddy ever want to meet?” she speaks up after a minute.

“Baby… daddy and I…” you honestly didn’t know how to phrase it. “We just kind of don’t… talk anymore, you know?”

“Like Tina and me?”

“Yes, exactly like you and Tina”

“But you told me that I should not be angry at her and we should become friends again”

“That is for you, the thing between me and daddy is much more complicated”

“What does complicated mean?”

You chuckle, the questions never end.

You step out of the car into the bitter cold December wind in front of the Holland household. It had been a while since it had snowed this heavy, and you were worried if you would be able to drive in this weather.

“Here you go,” you say as you hand over Noelle to Sam.

“Gosh it’s so cold today, what are you even going to do?” he asks you.

“Go back to the office I don't really have anywhere to be”

“You're gonna work through Christmas? Take some time off, why don’t you stay with us?”

“Sam no-”

“Come on, y/n. How long will you keep avoiding him this way?”

“I- ”

“And what about Noelle’s birthday?”

“I’ll come and visit for a few hours on 25th”

“Y/n, this will always be your home too, with or without Harry. We would love to have you over for Christmas”

“Mommy please, I’m feeling cold out here,” Noelle says reaching out her tiny hands out to you from Sam’s arms.

“Okay fine,” you laugh.

As you get inside the house, Noelle jumps off from Sam and starts running into the house.

“Daddy!”

“Oh my little princess I’ve missed you!” you see Harry run from the living room, picking up Noelle and kissing her forehead. “How have you been? Have you been good? Otherwise who’s gonna get all the gifts?” he pretended to say in a childlike voice.

Your heart warmed up at the sight, your lips curling into a smile. It had been so long since you had seen the two of them reunited like this. Everytime you went to drop Noelle off at Harry’s house, you just waved from the car, not even caring about what happened afterwards.

He seemed a little surprised to see you there and you weren’t sure if it was a good surprise or not.

“Y/n… hi”

“Hey Harry”

“You um changed your hair”

“And you’re wearing the same old sweater”

“No this is a new sweater it’s uh-” he says trying not to continue with an awkward silence. “It’s the old sweater,” he shrugs, making you smile

"Y/n! What a surprise," Nikki calls you from the living room. "It's so nice to have you here over Christmas, everyone misses you so much"

You walk over to meet everyone as Noelle calls Sam to the side.

"Hmm what's up?" he asks the little girl.

"I know how mum and daddy can talk"

He lets out a laugh. "What? And why's that?"

"Mommy said that she and daddy don't talk anymore and that's the only problem. We just have to find a way for them to talk and become friends again"

"What's your plan, genius?"

And then she told him.

After dinner that night, you were sitting on the front porch with Sam. He was your friend, someone who you could always turn to. All of Harry's family was like that. When you both got divorced, you thought you would lose contact with the Hollands, you didn't want to lose them too because they were just like your own family but the bond didn't change, Sam helped you get through it, just like he helped Harry and he was the one who had tried to resolve things between you both.

"I still don't understand. You both were doing just fine, better than fine. All of you were so happy, what even happened?"

"Sam… Harry and I haven't even talked about what went wrong between us. Everytime we tried to talk, something came in between"

"Then talk now, you have plenty of time"

"How does it even matter now?"

"It does. I've seen how miserable you two are, you don't even want to see each other. I know you both still have something"

"We have Noelle," you say as a matter of factly.

"You know what I mean. You both love each other"

"See that's the thing with love. Love doesn't help me take care of a four year old all on my own, Sam. She misses him so much. She just keeps asking me when she'll get to see her father. He never made time for us"

"I know he's been a kind of a jerk"

You raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay a big jerk, but he cares about you and Noelle. I'm not asking you to get back together but at least talk and resolve whatever beef you both have"

"We can't"

"Why?"

"It's just… I don't even know"

There was a long silence. If it was summer, you would have been hearing the crickets chirping but at this hour of a cold winter night, all you could hear was the faint distant noise of the faraway traffic.

"How about this, you both go out tomorrow, just for an hour or two, hang out, talk, just say whatever you had been holding in all this time"

"You're setting us up on a date?"

"Not a date. You both just need to talk, right? So you just need some alone time"

"Has Harry agreed to this?"

"He definitely would"

"No, it'll be too much. And what about Noelle?"

"What about her? We're all here to take care of her. You just go and talk this over"

You lay awake at night thinking about the happy times you had with Harry. How did things go so so wrong?

Two years earlier

"Harry, the opening ceremony is on Friday, it's huge for the company!"

"Yes I know, love. I really wish I could make it"

"What… do you mean?"

"I'll be leaving for Atlanta two days from now"

"But it's important to me and everyone will be asking for you"

"I'm so sorry, baby but I have to go"

"You've done a great job, y/n. Where's Harry? I'd love to meet him," your manager asks you at the after party of the opening ceremony.

"He couldn't make it tonight. He really wanted to be here"

"Where's your husband, miss y/l/n? This is such a big day for you!" another one of your colleagues asked you later that night.

"He's really disappointed he couldn't be here but duty calls," you tried to hide your loneliness and sadness through a smile.

"Y/n! I haven't seen Harry tonight…"

"How's the movie coming up?" you were talking to Harry at 2 in the morning, time zones were driving the both of you crazy.

"It's going great! The location is amazing, I think we could shoot the whole film here. I just wish you were here I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, just come back home," listening to his voice seemed to make you even lonelier.

"I will," you hear music playing in the background and the noise of people cheering and talking.

"What's happening there?"

"Ah they're throwing a party in my honour, it's been such a success-" you heard a woman laugh right beside him.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yes I am I just-"

"Then you should go back to it. Bye"

"But y/n-"

You were still working when he came back from the airport and you immediately rushed home after you were free.

When you saw him, you felt as though you were seeing a stranger. He looked different and he felt different and he looked tired than ever. Nevertheless you jumped on him and hugged him tight, making sure he was real.

"Oh god I've missed you, more than you could ever know," he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

"Really? Then show me how much you've missed me," you say as you lead him into your shared bedroom.

"I'm so sorry I missed your opening, darling I really wanted to be there"

"It's alright, we have another celebration next month, you can meet everyone there"

"Oh I can't make it to that either, I have to get away again after three weeks"

"But you just came back! And Noelle is just two years old, how do you expect me to take care of her and go to work?"

"There's nothing I can do, y/n. The contracts have already been signed. This is my big break, it's important to me"

"And our marriage is not? Your daughter is not?"

"You both are the most important to me," he put his calloused hands on your cheeks. "But you knew this was what our life would be when you married me"

"Everything has changed since then, Harry. We have a child now and we're so happy here. Why do you have to go away halfway across the world for months"

"Nothing has changed. I still love you the same and our careers are still as important to us as before"

"You could have at least talked to me about this"

"Yes I'm sorry. Everything will be alright once I return, I just have to go now"

Harry couldn't focus on work that day. He just kept replaying the conversation he had with you before leaving.

'I can't lose her. I really can't," he thought. 'Oh my god I love her, I love her so much. We have to find a way to make this work'

And ten thousand miles away from him, you sat all alone on the bed, thinking, 'this will not work, we're so happy, why does he want to give all of this up?'

"We're not teenagers anymore, y/n. Now I want something and you want something else, our worlds are different"

"So we just let it go?"

"I'm not saying that we have to let anything go, but it's my career, y/n. For the first time in my life, things have finally started to move and I don't want to lose anything"

"Harry… I have always supported your career. I have always supported your dreams. But you can have everything you want right here with me and Noelle. You don't have to leave"

"You're not even trying to understand"

"I'm understanding everything. I can't do this anymore, I'm not another one of your fans, Harry. I can't just keep on chasing you like this"

"Ice skating? Really?" you say as you see the long sheet of ice that lay on the ground in front of you, there were only a few people as it was a cold day. Everyone was probably snuggled up in bed with some warm coffee rather than going out on a date with their ex husband.

"We can go somewhere else if you want, there's a restaurant-"

"No this is fine. After all Noelle chose it"

He helps you put on your skates and you both hold each other, trying not to lose balance until you reach the ice rink.

"Ah that's it," he lets go of your arm but still holds your hand in his.

"Wait what did you mean Noelle chose it?"

"You don't know your daughter, Mr Holland. She's grown up to be quite the matchmaker," you laugh.

"You remember how we used to come here?" you smile at the memories, you and Harry used to go ice skating almost every week in winters. Although neither of you were the best at it, you loved the times you spent falling and laughing and later on having hot chocolate in each other's arms.

"Yeah," he tries to hold your other hand as well. "You remember the Christmas Noelle was born? I miss taking her out ice skating"

"Of course I remember," you sigh. "Eighteen hours of labor, and I was alone. You couldn't even make it in time for the birth of your own daughter"

"She was supposed to be born in January, how could I have known she would come in so early?"

"Well you always have the excuses ready, don't you?"

"It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. The flights were all booked, I mean it was Christmas! And I did reach the hospital in time"

"You reached the hospital when she was all cleaned up and in my arms"

He stays silent for a few moments and then speaks, with a gentler tone. "Y/n I'm sorry, I really am"

"You always said that, yet you never did anything to understand what went wrong"

"I was just so caught up in my life, I mean… there was so much work. I know I didn't spend much time with you both and-"

"It wasn't even about spending time, Harry. The thing is, you were never there for us. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. Even your brother understood that I needed someone but you didn't. You're just so-" you choked on the words.

"I know, and all I can say is that I've messed up, big time. I know you can't forgive me"

"Oh I've forgiven you a long time ago, Harry"

His hair was all messed up from the wind, going wild in all directions like a crown on his head. His nose and cheeks were turning red from the cold and all you wanted in that moment, was just kiss him. You wanted to feel his cold lips on yours until they turned warm. You wanted to hold his hair in your fingers, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to feel him. You wanted everything you once had. You wanted him back.

"I remember everything about you, you know?" he spoke up. "How can I ever forget? I remember how much you loved reading and how you hated it when I left my clothes on the floor. And how you keep your socks on during sex"

"You just had to bring that up" you roll your eyes and laugh.

"The thing is, I love you. I always have, even now when we're.... over, I still love you. I never got over you"

"Harry-"

"Y/n, what we had, it was something else. You're… the only woman I've actually ever loved in my life"

"And you're the only one who I've loved in my life. But we can't go back now"

"Why? Why can't we give it another chance? Give us another chance?"

"It didn't work the first time, why do you think it'll work now?"

"I don't. But I'm miserable without you and we're different now. I've lost you once and I'll never make you feel like I'm busy for you, ever again"

"Are you sure? I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired, I really cannot go through this if everything goes wrong again"

"It won't. I promise you, let's give us another chance, please?"

You looked into his eyes and you knew the answer.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:｡:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

🌻

Taglist

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @drie-the-derp @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @calltothewild @fancyxparker @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @hollands-weasley @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise @sarcasticallywitty15 @spiderrrling @theonly1outof-a-billion

[duckie-baby]

let's talk about s02e08: the sins of the father.

let's talk about how this could've been a pivotal point in arthur's character arc, if the writers of this show weren't fucking cowards.

let's talk about how it was completely unfair on merlin's part to lie to arthur, because arthur deserved the truth goddamnit and it wasn't merlin's place to take that away from him.

of course, this is later justified by merlin saying that he knows arthur and that he wouldn't be able to live with himself or the guilt of it if he had gone ahead and killed his father. and of course, like every other potentially life-changing event, all of this is never mentioned by the show again.

magic is damned even further in arthur's eyes, uth*r threatens everyone who knows the truth into silence, vaguely implies that he's totally chill with his son fucking his manservant as long as they're all of the same anti-magic ideals, the episode ends in all smiles.

but whew! at least arthur's been protected from the harsher sides of reality, once again! god forbid this character gains any sense of self-awareness!

my point is, if all of this was to keep arthur from killing daddykins bc it would weigh on his delicate conscience, to preserve the Goodness Of His Character As A Man And King, why the fuck should merlin have to lie to him about it?

consider, instead of:

Morgause is lying! She's an enchantress. She tricked you. That was not your mother you saw. That was an illusion. Everything...everything your mother said to you...those were Morgause's words.

we could have had something along the lines of:

What your father did was wrong, Arthur, but is this man the man you want to be? The king you want to be? Would you be able to ascend the throne even as your father's blood glistens, still fresh, on your sword? Would you be able to live with yourself if you made this decision?

if he kills his darling father anyway, honestly, Good For Him. he has every right to. uth*r went through with a dangerous spell despite knowing the risks, then commited genocide in its name whilst lying about his reason as to why.

uth*r has commited genocide.

he is not a good king or father either, as proven several times throughout the show. he deserves no mercy, no pity.

but the choice should've been arthur's to make. this scene should've been a testament to arthur's character.

if he kills daddy dearest anyways but then feels Super Guilty about it later, we know he wouldn't have made a good king. you can't head a country when you're prone to making drastic decisions without thinking them through bc you were throwing pissy fit at the time.

so if he still goes through with it, he must not been shown to regret it.

but say he does let uth*r live. maybe for whatever love remains for the man who raised him. but he renounces him as his king, as his father.

arthur starts publicly going against his policies and decisions. bc if uth*r could have been so wrong about this alone, what else is he wrong about? arthur refuses to carry out his orders if he believes it’s against the interests of the people.

raising taxes? how about No. oh, he can’t knight commoners? just Try and stop him. he learns to trust in the counsel of merlin, gwen, morgana, people who we know interact direct directly with the citizens of camelot and want what’s best for them; builds his own circle. he routinely breaks out prisoners from the dungeons he believe have been punished unjustly.

especially the people who use magic. he openly speaks out against his father and his persecution of it.

uth*r can try and stop him, alright. but there is a clear rift in the kingdom now, two distinct factions. those who believe in the king that arthur will be, and those who believe their loyalty is still to the current monarch.

and look at these people, from the execution scene from s01e01:

look at their faces (and also hnfvbdjh colin morgan and his obscene fucking cheekbones jesus christ). they don't seem to appreciate uth*r saving them from the evils of magic much. how many of them have lost their friends and family to his crusade? how many of them remember a time when magic was still allowed in camelot and the kingdom flourished?

these people will stand with arthur pendragon.

yeah. the ones who still believe in uth*r’s authority are few and far in between. and they know where they can shove it.

arthur learns. about magic, about its history, the old religion. merlin finally reveals his magic to him, so does morgana. he goes to the druids and he falls to his knees and he begs for their forgiveness. morgause begrudgingly allies herself with him, seeing his determination to right his father’s mistakes. he still struggles with the little boy within him who just wants his only parent’s approval, sometimes. but he is slowly but surely becoming his own man.

arthur becomes king long before he takes the throne. uth*r is forced to watch, a meaningless figurehead, as everything he worked to achieve comes undone at the hands of his own son. no attempts to make the viewers sympathise with him. he is angry and miserable and wasting away and there is nothing he can do about it; and it’s exactly what he fucking deserves.

and merlin? merlin finally realises kilgharrah’s word isn’t gospel. morgana is redeemed before she ever loses herself. but they must learn to trust each other again, bc merlin left her to face her fear and self-loathing alone when she needed someone more than ever (you might be cute, merlin, but not enough to get away with THAT). he finds himself taking young sorcerers who don’t know how to control their power under his wing (gilli, daegal, oh god the endless opportunities here), including mordred. MORGAUSE TEACHING MERLIN AND MORGANA MAGIC.

he and arthur are equals now, partners in destiny; the world is theirs.

and for the love of god, give me villains whose entire personality and motivations don’t boil down to I Hate Uth*r Pendragon And Also His Son.

give me kings who are afraid of camelot’s growing power, give me bandits and slave traders who realise they have no place in arthur and merlin’s albion. give me uth*r apologists scrambling to maintain their position in court, hell, give me anarchist organisations if that’s what it takes to spice things up a little.

give me the golden age of albion we were promised.

of course, all of this requires characters acknowledging and growing from their mistakes, and making their actions have lasting consequences — so i suppose it really is a bit too much to ask of the writers.

[paradox-psyc-hoe-sis]

Overreaction

Loki x reader, Bruce x reader ,(platonic), avengers x reader (platonic).

Word count: 4.9 k

A/n: Heyo! I didn't actually mean for this to be as long as it was, but it turned out to be quite pleasing. Writers block is a bitch so it's taken me a while to write, but I hope I didn't disappoint! Requested by @marvelloonie, thank you for the request! - Aphrodite

Summary: you and Loki have been secretly meeting without the avengers knowing, and when you realise you've fallen in love, you decide it's time to tell the group. After trying to keep you, the groups little ray of sunshine, away from the mysterious asgardian for a while, the group are shocked to find out that you've been seeing each other.

Warninngs: angst, fluff, that's all! Enjoy x

For your entire life, you were always the 'innocent' one. Sure, you were optimised and generally a happy person, but people seem to take advantage of that a lot. That never dampened your mood, though; you always stayed the same happy-go-lucky little burst of sunlight through childhood to adulthood. That's also the reason that upon meeting new people, they never expect your job to be an avenger. Your work never really phased you; most of the people who you killed deserved it, but every now and again there was an odd time where you felt a slight hint of guilt.

Among the avengers, you were known as the little ray of sunshine, too. Pretty much all of the avengers had dark pasts, but not you. You lived a normal life, excelled at school, went to college, and got a normal job. S.H.I.E.L.D discovered you after you got into an accident and were struck by lightning: after you recovered, you found out that you could control lightning. You quickly joined the avengers, and got on very well with everyone. You knew all of the avengers, and were aware of all possible threats, enemies, blah blah, except one. Thor's brother, Loki, had committed several offences in the past, but redeemed himself by helping the team every now and again. You had never met Loki, but the Avengers made it clear that they wanted to keep it that way.

"Hey Steve!" You walked into the common area after a few hours training in the gym. Steve was in the kitchen, passing him as you got a bottle of water, and you looked over to see Natasha, Sam, Bucky and Thor on the sofas. "Good morning guys, how are you all?" You grinned at them as you walked over to sit next to Nat, a slight spring in your step.

"Why are you always so happy?" Bucky grunted as you sat unbeaten him and Nat. Sam gave Bucky a frown, and turned to you. "Don't mind him, he just found out that his favourite TV show has been cancelled."

"Aww, Heroes of Bruin!?" Bucky gave you a small nod, his arms crossed tightly around his chest. You placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry, Buck. I'm sure you'll find a better series soon! You can always borrow one of my box sets, you know where they are!" Bucky thanked you, and you sat back on the sofa, taking long gulps of your water.

"Seriously though, y/n. What keeps you so positive?" Steve asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. You shrugged, taking one last sip of your water.

"I don't really know, to be honest. I have a roof over my head, a good job, food, clean water, and friends and family who love me!" You stood up, walking over to the kitchen island and sitting opposite Steve. "Besides, what's there to be miserable about? Yeah, work does get hard sometimes, and life isn't easy, but that's just more drive to stay positive. It's not going to get me anywhere by being grumpy and mean like a certain tin man in this building!" You both laughed, thanking God that Tony wasn't in the room to hear what you just said. From the sofa, you heard Nat starting to talk to Bucky and Sam.

"...but there's nothing else we can do about it other than get in contact with some of our aliases and-"

"What's going on?"

Cutting in, you stood up from the island and walked over to the sofa.

Nat turned to look at you while Sam and Bucky continued to read from the iPad she held.

"There was a break in at a Hydra base a few days ago. The person who broke in stole Hydra's files about us, and some files about them. My best guess is that it's somebody who's against Hydra but also against us." Nat took a long deep breath, and turned back to her iPad, still talking to you. "We need to get in contact with non-avengers who have fought with us in the past, see if they have any idea. Steve and I are going to S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow, Thor will be returning to Asgard to talk with Loki, I don't know what else we can do."

You perked up at the mention of Loki, and suddenly came up with an idea. "How about I go with Thor? I've always wanted to see Asgard, and it's better than just having one person go." You saw Nat look up and glare at Steve, who did the same, before they both turned to you. Steve sighed, and looked away; clearly, there was something on both of their minds.

"That's a good idea about somebody going, it's better to be safe than sorry. What about Clint? D'you think he'd want to go?" Steve was looking at Natasha when he asked, and you felt a but left out. Instead of becoming angry, you just smiled and turned to face Steve. "What about me?" You asked, still smiling widely.

"Uh, y/n? I don't really think you should go..." Natasha remarked next to you, and you ever so slightly frowned.

"What do you mean?" You kept your voice gentle and upbeat, thinking of reasons why it would be perfect to go.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but there's some bad people on Asgard. We know you could handle it, but people like Loki are...dangerous, and I for one don't think it's in your best interest to make friends with people like him." You could tell by her tone that she felt guilty, but that didn't stop her from speaking her mind anyway. You didn't really understand what she meant; you're around dangerous people all the time, you can easily handle another one.

"If you don't think it's a good idea for me to go, then why is Clint an option?" Like magic, clint walked in at the exact second you said that. Looking up at him, you carried on speaking. "We have the same skill level at fighting, anyway! Besides, I have superpowers too, I can easily protect myself and Thor if need be."

Clint looked at you and Natasha, a puzzle expression plastered on his face. Nat gave him the run down, and he seemed slightly underwhelmed.

"There's no reason why y/n shouldn't be able to go to Asgard."

"Yes, but she's going to asgard to get in contact with Loki." Natasha's expression looked stern, her eyes piercing through Clint's.

"...oh."

"C'mon guys, what're you hiding? I'm sure I can take it, what's the harm in me going to Asgard?" Despite being slightly irritated, you still smiled and laughed a bit at the end of your sentence, making sure the rest of the group knew you were still just as happy as you were after returning from they gym, 10 minutes ago. Clint, Natasha, Steve, Bucky and Sam all gave each other quick glances before Bucky groaned and sat up.

"Listen, y/n. The reason why none of us want you to go to Asgard is because we want you to stay away from Loki. Although he's fought along side us in the past, he's a terrible person. And you're so...so happy and innocent all the time, we don't want him to..."

"You don't want him to corrupt me." You finished off Bucky's sentence, speaking quieter, thinning to yourself. There was suddenly a sort of dark cloud above the room, and an awkward silence prolonged for at least 20 seconds. You could sense how guilty everyone felt, but instead of exploding, you burst into a fit of giggles.

Everyone frowned as they watched you almost fall off the sofa in laughter. Once you calmed down, you wiped your eyes, and almost bust out laughing again at the confused faces of everyone around you. You sat back, smiling ear to ear. "Why would you think something like that?" You asked the room, taking a sip of water. "Honestly guys, I've been with you bunch of Serious Sally's for almost a year. I think it's safe to say that no matter who I spend my time with, I'll never stop being the 'happy and innocent' person who I am. Besides, we're only going to be on Asgard for a day at most, what could go wrong?"

—————

The next day, you were on Asgard. You were so thankful that Nat had finally let you go with Thor, and now you were stood outside of a tall golden palace, behind a beautiful view of Greek-style hills and mountains. You were speechless, to say the least.

"Brother Loki should be here any minute..." said thor, looking over at a clock tower. You couldn't make out what time it was - the numbers were Asgardian - but it was about 12 before you left. Before you could think anything else of it, something appeared before you two. It was Loki.

"Nice to see you again, brother!" Thor exclaimed as he went in for a hug. Loki barely hugged him back, and pulled away, turning to face you.

"Well well well, who's this who you've brought along with you?" Loki asked Thor, yet stared at you with a slight smirk. "Loki, this is y/n. She's a friend from work." Loki took your hand and bowed down slightly, and placed a kiss on the back of your hand; a kiss which you couldn't describe as chaste, making eye contact with him the entire time. He rose and let go of your hand, fingertips brushing slightly. "Pleased to make you acquaintance, Lady y/n." You were tongue tied, but before you could even begin to formulate words, Thor started talking. He rambled on about why you were here, and if he knew anything about the break in, but you weren't listening to a single word. Instead, you never took your eyes off Loki.

His shoulders were broad, sleek black hair running just past them. He stood with confidence, taller than Thor but thinner. Despite this, you could still see defined muscles from underneath the Asgardian clothes he wore. His eyes were a cold shade of blue, resembling ice. While Thor was still talking, he looked over at you, catching you staring at him. You maintained eye contact, your cheeks turning a childish shade of pink, and he winked at you before turning back to concentrate on his brother. The corners if his lips were slightly upturned, and a few strands of hair fell into his face as he nodded along to whatever Thor was saying.

"Well, I haven't heard any news, I'm sorry I can't be of any help. Do you both want to get lunch?" You turned to Thor, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, brother, but I must go and talk to the others and see if they've heard anything. But, it won't hurt if you and y/n get something to eat?" You and Loki both turned to face each other, and you smiled wider than ever.

"I'd love to."

You and Loki walked in silence to the dining hall, passing many Asgardian maidens on your way. You felt slightly underdressed; all asgardian women wore long flowing gowns, whereas you were dressed in high waisted denim shorts and a red turtleneck. Once you arrived at the dining room, you were confronted with a grand gold table topped with all kinds of food. Cheese, grapes, wine, and some sort of Asgardian meat that you couldn't recognize. It felt magical, yet you felt out of place. As you furthered towards the table, Loki took out a chair for you to sit down in. Thanking him, you sat, and his fingertips brushed against your clothed shoulders. Butterflies swarmed in the pit of your stomach, and you quietly giggled at yourself for becoming so flustered. Once Loki was seated, you asked him a question.

"So, Loki," you began, looking around at the feast laid out for you, "what do you get up to on Asgard?" As you spoke, he poured crimson wine into a goblet, and you felt obliged to do the same.

"Surprisingly, not much." He spoke with, what resembled, an English accent. Every consonant was sharp, every vowel curved on his lips. "Every now and again we have to meet with people from other worlds, like you. Thor doesn't come and visit very often, so the mass amount of paperwork that has to be done is left to me." He rolled his eyes yet bore a smile, to which you laughed.

"Trust me, I know what it feels like. Ever since Tony and Steve got into that disagreement about where the files should be stored, I've been in charge of all paperwork. I don't mind it though, there's some sort of satisfaction in the orderliness of it all..." you looked up at him and grinned, being able to physically feel the awkwardness between you both. Although, he could look at your smile forever; the way your y/e/c shone in the light, dimples in you cheeks becoming more pronounced by the second, your lips curling ever so slightly inwards as a sigh escaped from them.

"I'm sorry, I've never really been one for small talk. Asgard seems wonderful, though. The landscape is impeccable, and everyone just seems so...perfect, I guess!" Speaking quieter, you leaned in the get closer to Loki, sat opposite you. "I feel like I could spend the rest of my life here." He knew you meant it, being able to feel the pure excitement you radiated. Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, you sat back and pointed towards one of the golden dishes beside you, holding some fruits and vegetables.

"May I?"

"Of course, go ahead."

As you spooned a kind of salad onto your plate, Loki rubbed his stubble dotted chin. Loading your fork and taking a bite, you felt a wave of peace flow over your body. You had no idea what you were eating, but it was damn good.

"What part of midgard are you from, y/n?"

"Midgard?" You spoke through your mouthful of salad and swallowed. "Oh, right, Earth. I'm from Brooklyn, New York, but I live in Manhattan." You took a sip of wine, cringing at it's strength. Noticing this, Loki let out a laugh.

"Asgardian alcohol isn't for the weak, I'd take it easy if I were you..." you knee he was joking at the last part, so you laughed with him. The moment was sweet, but you can always have too much of a good thing. After Loki filled his plate, and you took a few more mouthfuls of salad, Thor strode in looking pleased with himself.

"Hey Thor, what's up?" Thor sat down at the table and picked up a bunch of grapes, popping one into his mouth.

"I just checked the comms," he swallowed, "Nat and Steve have all the information we need from S.H.I.E.L.D., so we can go back to midg- uh, Earth, sorry. Ready to go?" You looked at Loki who gave you a small nod as he put his cutlery down, and you stood up with a smile.

"Ready than I'll ever be!"

Thor and Loki stood up and walked towards you, and you went to shake Loki's hand. His hands were cold, icy to the touch, and his slender fingers certainly overpowered your small ones. He leaned in before you could break away, whispering in your ear. "Come back soon, I'd love to see you again."

You blushed, nodding, and he gave you a sly wink. Sooner or later, you were back on Earth, missing Asgard more and more by the second.

—————

Two months later, and you were head over heels for Thor's brother. Once you returned back to earth, Tony made it very clear that he disapproved of your trip. He sat you, Thor, Clint, Nat and Steve down in the conference room and screamed at all of you, acting like a very strict father. He had no idea what had happened on Asgard, but he let it slip that all of the avengers had an agreement - never let y/n meet Loki. Obviously, that was out the window, and it resulted in a conflict between Steve and Tony, as per usual. However, all of the avengers shared one common thought, and it was that you should never go back to asgard again.

"She's met Loki and had a look around Asgard, now there's no reason for her to go back."

"What if he's done something to her mind? We can't let her go back."

"We can't let Loki back into the facility when y/n is around, we can't handle anything else happening at the moment."

You often heard Steve and Tony talking about you in the other room, but you ignored it. 3 trips to asgard, 2 secret earth dates and 1 sleepover later, you and Loki decided you were serious; you both liked each other so much, and you wanted to tell other people. However, you had no idea how you were going to tell the avengers. You almost got caught a few times, but luckily, you were quite good at covering yourself up.

"Yo, why are you texting Pizza Hut?"

"Stop looking at my phone, Sam! Besides, I was actually ordering us a pizza, but I guess I'll just go and make myself a sandwich instead..."

"No y/n I take it back!!!"

It was a quiet day in the avengers tower when you decided to share your secret. You, Steve, Tony, Nat, Thor, Bruce and Clint were in the conference room having just finished a meeting. Before anyone could leave, you asked to talk to them for a bit. Despite being happy and confident in telling your friends that you were in love, your palms were sweating and you felt slightly nauseated. Nat must have noticed, and asked if you were okay.

"Everything alright?"

You stood in front of the table, toying with the hem of your skirt behind your back. Taking a deep breath, you looked up at your colleagues sat in front of you.

"I actually have some news to share with you all. A couple of months ago, Thor and I went to Asgard, and I found out about your weird pact thingy forbidding me from meeting Loki. Well, it happened, and it went well! Despite you all feeling very strongly about it, I did enjoy myself. Honestly, I heard you all talking about me 'never returning' and not being able to see Loki again, and it did sorta hurt..."

Steve bowed his head down slightly and Natasha avoided eye contact; you didn't want to guilt trip them, so you continued.

"...and that's okay! You're allowed to be protective of your friends, and I understand why you'd want me to be cautious around certain people. But that's not the point: the point is, I'm an adult, and although I may not be as old as Steve," (Tony chuckled at that) "I'm still an adult. I went to college, I have a job, my own apartment. I'm old enough to know right from wrong, which is why I may or may not have seen Loki 6 times in the past two months..."

"What!?" Natasha looked furious, and everyone had their eyes on you. Steve looked disappointed, Tony didn't look surprised, and Thor seemed quite amused. Bruce and Clint didn't look phased, to be completely honest.

"Please listen to me, I'll explain everything." Everyone eased up slightly as you took a deep breath, standing closer to the table. "I've been back to Asgard four times, and Loki has come to earth twice to see me. I know you would all freak out about him coming to earth, but I made him wear that patch that Tony built which dampened his powers. Whenever he was on earth, he was just a normal person. We got to talking and decided to see each other more often, and we've become quite close."

"If you say that you and Loki are friends, I will jump off of this building." Natasha remarked, crossing her arms. She was definitely the most protective of you, seeing you as a little sister.

"You're not going to like this." you muttered, sighing.

"Loki and I are in love and we've been seeing each other for two months!" You spoke quicker than lightning, grinning at the end, and sprinting out of the conference room. As you ran to the common area, you heard shouting erupting from the conference room, mainly coming from Nat, Steve and Tony. You knew they wouldn't take it well, but you didn't expect it to go down this badly. You heard the commotion from the conference room slowly make it's way closer to the common area, so you bolted towards the bedrooms. You didn't live in the avengers tower, but practically everyone else did.

Hiding in Natasha's room is too obvious, she's the avenger who you're closest to. Hiding in Thor's is also too risky, as he has asgardian technology; as far as they're concerned, you might try and get in contact with Loki. Tony's room? Too stinky. Clint's room? Too stinky². Steve's room? You looked up to that man as a brother, and you certainly were not interested in whatever sort of magazines and movies that he kept in there ( ;) ). That left one other person's room: Bruce's. Quickly sliding into his room, you crawled under the poofy duvet on his bed. Luckily, Bruce's blanket was practically three duvets thick, so they wouldn't be able to tell that you were in there.

Bruce's sheets smelled like lavender and vanilla, with a very vague scent of aftershave; you loved it. You could probably stay there for hours, and even fall asleep, but the faint musk you smelled on his sheets reminded you of Loki. His aftershave always smelled like bonfires and liquor, a scent that you could fall in love with over and over again. You must have laid in in Bruce's bed for 20 minutes before you heard footsteps outside the door. You were never one to do this (run and hide from something difficult) as it seems childish, and the gang already treats you like a child enough. However, you didn't know how you would recover from this one. You heard doors open and close nearby - they must be looking for you. The door to Bruce's room suddenly opened, and you held your breath in an attempt to be quieter. You heard a deep sigh, and somebody sat on the end of the bed. You could just tell that it was Bruce, and you felt safer with him here.

"Listen, kid-"

"Bruce, you're my favourite, but call me kid one more time and I will smite you."

He chuckled and apologised, continuing to talk. "Sorry, y/n. I know how you feel. Frustrated, confused, low on hope." You poked your head out from underneath the duvet and moved over on the bed, sitting up. You motioned for Bruce to sit next to you, which he did.

"I've been through this sequence over and over again," he said, laying down next to you, "yet I never seem to break the cycle. But there's a difference between you and I, y/n. When I'm feeling like this, I show it. I'm not talking about hulking out, but about how I hold myself. I'll be visibly down and depressed, everyone can tell that I'm going through something. But you, you hold it in. You smile and laugh through every emotion you have, and I can't help but admire you for it."

You both turned your heads to look at each other, Bruce giving you a small smile.

"When you're sad or angry, you continue to smile. All of the other avengers get tricked by it, thinking that you're truly fine, but you don't fool me. I can see, every time you cover your emotions, I can see the fire behind your eyes. Or how you tighten your grip when you feel stressed. Although you may be smiling and laughing, I know what's going on behind those eyes. You do a good job, y/n, but maybe bottling it all up isn't the best option. Maybe that's why you fell for somebody who is the completely opposite, like Loki. Because you'd never dare to show your negative emotions outwardly and indulge in the feeling of letting everything out. Now that you've found somebody who you can share these emotions with, you feel like you can be yourself. What I'm failing to say, is perhaps you could let your emotions show a bit more. You don't have to complain or mope around the tower like Tony, but maybe let people know when you are uncomfortable, or confront people who make you upset."

You had closed your eyes about half way through Bruce's speech, and when you opened them your eyes brimmed with tears. He didn't say anything, but instead, Bruce held his arms out and took you in an embrace. You hugged him back, feeling warm and safe, not knowing how to express to him how much he meant to you.

"How did the others react?" You asked into his chest. Bruce was hesitant to reply, and didn't know whether it was best to tell you the truth or let you see for yourself. With a content sigh, he replied.

"I'm afraid to say they didn't take it very well. Natasha blames herself, Steve's a bit frustrated, and Tony...Tony said he feels 'stabbed in the back by his greatest friend', but I think he was being a bit too over dramatic."

"Why do they hate him so much?" You asked, pulling away from Bruce and sitting up on his bed.

"It's complicated." Bruce said, rubbing his forehead. "He's been with us in the past, but there have been multiple occasions where we've had to lock him up. We still don't know whether he's with us or against us, and now one of our best teammates is in love with him." You nodded, knowing what he meant. You knew you had to clear things up with the rest of the group, and you'd start with Natasha.

"Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sorry for hiding in here and messing up your covers, I'm going to go and talk to them and apologise." Before you got up from the bed, Bruce pulled you in for one last hug, planting a friendly kiss on your forehead. "Never apologise for falling in love."

—————

Never apologise for falling in love.

Never apologise for falling in love.

Never apologise for falling in love.

In your head, you repeated what Bruce had told you in his room. You were walking towards to common area where you knew the rest of the avengers would be. Bruce went in there first to calm everyone down, and you told him you'd be in there in a few minutes to tell everyone the news. Walking into the room, all eyes were on you. You became conscious of what you looked like, your face was probably red and puffy from crying.

"Do you have anything you'd like to say, y/n?" Steve asked in a harsh tone. He seemed extremely intimidating, and you suddenly felt small and worthless.

"Take it easy, Steve." Bruce said quite calmly. "Let her do it herself."

You smiled, a genuinely happy smile at Bruce. Despite having little to no confidence whatsoever, you were actually happy. Bruce had made you feel so much better, you had a boyfriend who you loved, and you wanted your friends to know whether they approved or not.

"I want to let you all know that I didn't do this on purpose. I didn't mean to bond with Loki, and I should never apologise for falling in love, and I'm not going to apologise. It's my life, and whether you approve or not, I'm going to continue to see Loki. However, I would like to apologise for how I acted. I shouldn't have run and hidden, and I could've broken the news in a nicer way. Do any of you have anything you'd like to say?"

There was a gloomy silence as the rest of the group contemplated what to say. Trying to alleviate the room of the awkwardness, Thor opined. "Well, I approve of your relationship, Lady y/n. I'm glad you've found someone!" Everyone looked at Thor, then back to you as you sat down on a chair. Steve opened his mouth and closed it a few times, he clearly was lost for words. Natasha was the first person to speak, coming to sit in the chair next to you.

"We overreacted, I'm sorry, y/n. I'm sure you could understand what we felt, but we support you. It'll take us a while to get used to it, but we all want you to feel comfortable. We love you, and if you love Loki then there is nothing we can do about it other than accept you."

The day ended with a group hug, lots of individual hugs from Natasha and Steve, and you & Bruce watching Star Wars after everyone had gone to bed. You were going to see Loki the next day, and you knew it would be the best day ever.

[axther]

For CH/JJBA Basic info: straight female, 5'4, Scorpio! If it matters my mbdi is debater, which I think is accurate. I'm a bit curvy/soft and I have really long wavy hair and glasses. Now for fun stuff! I'm a split between being very hyperactive (almost like a puppy lmao) or very quiet (not shy, but more indifferent. I've been told I'm intimidating) I'm into polyrelationships so the more boys the merrier. I like hiking and sports when I'm with people but don't do it by myself cause it's boring. 1

HERE’S UR FOOD QUEEN. also tumblr got me fucked up w no CH gifs :(

Cute Earth High Defense Club Love (Season One) V1

#1 is…Atsushi! 

He’s the most normal out of all the characters, to be honest

When he sees you, it’s nothing spectacularity radiant, per se

There’s a pretty girl in his school! cool! 

The strangest part is that it’s an all-boys school, so naturally, he’s confused

Through a series of plot shenanigans, you’re there as an exchange student

And he’s been told he has to help you get settled!! 

He introduces you to the Earth Defense Club, and slowly you two grow acclimated with each other 

While you’re friendly to everyone else, there’s something different between you and him 

It’s chemistry, and even Ryuu wouldn’t dare poke it 

One afternoon, someone asks you out via love letter, all the extra stuff

And you turn them down as politely as you can 

But thanks to the indifference, the boy gets offended 

He turns into a letter-shaped monster, and the Battle Lovers have to step in 

Atsushi is both appalled and terrified 

Did the monster hurt you??

Why did the monster appear around you? 

Was it something to do with you? 

He spends half of the battle just covering you 

And once the monster starts spewing slander, Atsushi is having none of it.

Whatever the monster says, Atsushi refutes, defending you until the rest of the battle is at a standstill and he’s just bickering with the monster. 

Eventually, Atsushi practically makes the monster choke on respect women juice, and on behalf of the passed out student, Atsushi begins apologising non-stop to you

You’re confused as hell 

The internet-famous Battle Lovers know you??

All you can see is the blurred out faces, and the blue one, the self-declared Piercing Prince, Epinard, seems to be constantly hanging over you 

And honestly 

He’s a cutie 

This results in a sailor moon-esque situation 

Where you have a crush on Epinard, Atsushi has a crush on you, and he’s miserable upon realising what he’s done 

Does he reveal that he’s Epinard???

Honestly, probably not on purpose  

I can absolutely see them talking about it and he’s like ‘do i always have to yell out im Epindard’ and he turns and sees you 

And you’re like ‘????? excuse me???’ 

Which results in more shenanigans 

#2 is…Yumoto! 

babey boye 

He falls for the flirting every time 

He reciprocates as best as he can, but for the most part, it’s just him being soft 

He hugs you so much omfg 

It gives Wombat a break, and though you don’t know he’s a talking wombat, he’s all for you being there 

What’s interesting is that he’s telling everyone he’s gonna marry you

And since most of the ppl in the school are bros, no one’s told you 

Which gets awkward 

Because he’s 200% told you that he loves you 

But you take it as ‘:D! I love platonic love between my Friends! :D!’ 

So it becomes a Situation that everyone gets second-hand embarrassment from 

Yumoto has told his brother that he’s gonna marry you and you’d be the bathhouse’s Okami 

But you’re thrown for a loop when Gora asks you when you and Yumoto started dating 

And you’re like ‘??????’ 

This results in a brief but stern conversation between Gora and Yumoto 

And Yumoto feels guilty, of course

But you’re so sweet! And you flirt with him!! Doesn’t that mean you like him??

It’s a bit of a wakeup call, but he’s still only got two brain cells

You gotta cut him some slack 

For about a day, he chills out, though he’s melancholy 

After that he’s back to being oblivious and sweet 

#3 is…Kinshiro! 

Did someone say ‘emotionally constipated teenager who’s in a rivalry with his childhood best friend for the girl they like but he has no idea how to approach her due to the fact stated above (he is emotionally constipated)’???

no????

Ok that’s valid

But you want a polyamorous relationship???

He and Atsushi are gonna be your best bet. 

This boye is completely lost when it comes to wooing you 

He thinks you’re graceful in a quiet sense

And while you’re a flirt and a meme lord, you’re also yourself 

Ibushi notices almost off the bat 

And he’s like ‘my guy, my dude...my cousin??? Fr???’ 

Kinshiro is crazy confused and embarrassed 

He’s always considered himself to have tunnel vision

But then you pass by and he gets a whiff of your shampoo and 

Oh no 

he gets kinda lightheaded and blushy but wipes it away fast 

Whenever you pop by to say hi to Ibushi he completely freezes 

Like he just stops moving altogether

 It’s something you, Ibushi, and Akoya have noticed 

Y’all exchange glances every time he freezes while sipping tea 

The MOMENT he realises you like Epinard he gets lowkey pissed

 Do you seriously like that barbaric, stupid Battle Lover??

He’s like ‘I’m elite, graceful, rich. I’m the better choice :(‘ 

Make him drink just a bit of respect women juice 

But he’ll be very, very soft for you

And after he finds out about Atsushi being Epinard and Atsushi likes you?? 

Well, it’s two birds with one stone 

He’ll do his best to hint that he likes you, but Akoya and Ibushi have to help him along 

Especially Ibushi, since he’s your cousin 

Get ready for a flood of thoughtful but expensive gifts

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure V2 

(Note: If you want a poly relationship, all three of these lads have convenient best friends...👀)

#1 is…Josuke!! 

Mans is a himbo (refer to chat) 

Sure he’s got like, one brain cell, but it’s dedicated to you!! 

He’s a bit of a flirt, too, so be ready to fend off the fangirls 

Since fangirls in the 90’s were chiller than ones in, say, the 80’s, they mostly respect that he’s got a girlfriend 

But the moment one of them tries to hurt a hair on your head, it’s game over 

Now

The thing about it is that you get shy 

But your shy is looking scary as hell 

So all they see is a glare that would make the devil run, and they bail 

Josuke relates to your fear of bugs!!

He’s not fond of turtles, so you guys can have each other’s back!! 

If you want to draw him something, he can and will frame it in the best frame he can convince Joseph to buy 

Is it gold foil?? Maybe 

Before y’all get together, he pines like no other 

He’ll start frequenting places you go to just because he wants to see you

And he doesn’t think it’s creepy but gets worried that you will 

But he thinks you’re incredible 

It’s something makes him short circuit a bit 

You: :) 

Josuke: Now Playing: Beautiful Girl (Alternate Version) [Tempo Track] - Jimmie Thompson, Gene Kelly & Lennie Hayton (Singin’ In The Rain) (1952) 

#2 is…Johnny!

Southern boye drank his respect women juice after he got shot 

And once he sees you???

He CHUGS it 

First off this is like the late 1880’s so anyone who bathes is probably stellar 

So he, too, has the Joestar Blessing of having Beautiful Girl play on repeat 

But as soon as you start flirting???

He’s GONE 

I mean this in the most literal sense 

He’s a good Christian boye (theoretically) 

So once you talk about dating him he flushes bright red

He’s aware that you’re just flirting, but oh hmmm 

He starts crushing fast 

Plus if you don’t judge him or think he’s weaker for being in a wheelchair? 

Give him a second he’s trying to find a ring 

He might be in a wheelchair but he’s in no way inadequate, if you get what I mean 👀

(who am I kidding, of course you do) 

Considering that memes weren’t much of the thing in the 1800’s if you find some, he probably wouldn’t understand them 

But he does enjoy when you play the piano 

But let’s say there’s a stand attack

And you just bust out knives??? 

instant boner 

#3 is… Joseph!

Flirt, but times two 

Y’all make anyone blush 

No one’s safe 

And with each other??

It can get foul, fast 

Does Lisa Lisa step in?? 

No, not really 

She’s not gonna interfere at Joseph’s chances of getting laid 

Plus she approves so!! 

Catch him trying to flex while you’re around 

Be it him trying to beat Cesar’s ass (and failing) or literally flexing, he wants to impress you 

And while he knows that you’re a flirt for the sake of being one, he also gets a bit nervous when you flirt with others

Especially if he hasn’t confessed, actually confessed, yet

Plus, he’s got a special arm 👀

Y’all know what’s up 

@matchupdomain @peeshposheddie

[mollyphoria]

(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these