#steve’s parents also get divorced at some point for the drama

[ickypuppi3]

childhood au except it’s baby billy who lives with his mom and neil’s not in the picture and steve’s the one who moves to california and the two of them are not friends because steve thinks billy’s weird and tells him as much when they first meet but billy just never drops the idea of them becoming friends because, well, he’s billy

and one of the first things steve tells billy is that he’s pretty and billy’s confused because he always thought being pretty was a good thing because his mama would always smile when people called her pretty but steve says it with a frown on his face like he’s annoyed before telling billy that he’s too pretty to be a boy and walking away

cue years of billy asking steve if he wants to come out to play and trying to show steve a flower he found or asking steve over to his house and rich kid steve thinking he’s too good for all that, that billy will screw his reputation up and also battling with this big crush he has on billy that he doesn’t actually know about himself until he gets older and goes through girl after girl after girl and still can’t get billy off of his mind

and then maybe they’re on speaking terms again at some point but billy’s kinda over steve now for obvious reasons but steve is absolutely head over heels for billy and eventually he tells billy as much and billy’s like.. why? and steve lists all the reasons he loves billy and the last one is that he’s pretty and billy kinda glares at him and is all oh yeah? like a girl? and steve’s all no, like billy

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

light of my life, fire of my loins. be a good baby, do what i want.

summary: requested: Andy Barber gives me such strong sugar daddy vibes I haven’t watched the show but he just looks like the kinda guy who would spoil the shit outta someone

warnings: smut everywhere. and you know, sugar daddy shit, so. also, doesn’t make a lot of sense. I have a lot more that I actually wrote, I just wasn’t sure where I was going with this. so...prompt sugar andy daddy if you want more???

word count: around 10,400

pairing: andy barber  x reader

a/n: anon! I want you to know that I started working on this as soon as you requested it! I just wanted to make sure I really got sugar daddy andy down and that it wasn’t steve rogers that I was writing. I am so sorry bc you definitely deserved this a very long time ago! if there are any typos, I apologize, I just needed to get this posted before work.

When you met Andy, you had been juggling three jobs, gaining more debt than you would probably ever be able to pull off even with a degree, fairly sucky grades caused by how much you worked, resulting in stress, anxiety, all that great shit that comes along with being someone in America that dares to want to pursue higher education.

After a few months dating Andy, you had one job that you only kept for autonomy reasons, shrinking debt, excellent grades, and truly, no stress at all. Instead of spending a night waiting tables at the restaurant near the campus, where disgusting men would flirt with you because you were on the clock and literally could not leave, you were in a tiny ass dress, covered in diamonds, drinking champagne, and trying not to be too obvious about the cum dripping down your thighs.

Obscene was often a word that you played with in your mind whenever you were with Andy. Your outfits were indecent because he loved seeing as much of your skin as he possibly could. Your behavior was shameless, you showed up, you laughed, you hung onto him the entire night with the smuggest of smiles. Your willingness, especially in public, was vulgar, the way you let him touch you in front of everyone. Salacious. Indecorous. Immoral. Debauched.

These parties that he took you to were only half of it. According to his son, Jacob, Andy hadn’t been one for socializing before the divorce. He claimed that this was something new his father picked up, something that he theorized was the consequence of loneliness. You figured that you also fell under that category. These people weren’t actually his friends and you weren’t actually his girlfriend.

Andy wanted a distraction and you were just fucked up and high-maintenance enough to be perfect for the job. Getting into the swing of things had been quite the task at the start, much to your surprise. Who didn’t want a gorgeous man to spoil them? Apparently you, if your earlier behavior was any indication.

You had started this with wanting to be as professional as possible. When you had pictured how this would look, it was you listening to him speak whenever he wanted, you would respond when prompted but it would be short, succinct, and your main concern would be maintaining your physical attractiveness. You tried to think of him as your employer, you were his employee, and that meant that there needed to be respect and boundaries. You pictured a lot of pretending. Pretending to laugh, pretending to care, pretending to enjoy his company, pretending to come.

You had also thought you were going to smart. This wasn’t some stupid Lifetime movie and you had dreams and goals and if you played your cards right, this man could put you on a sure path to reaching all you had ever hoped to accomplish. At least, that was what you were telling yourself when you’d had the mental quandary: were you a prostitute?

Thankfully, both phases of resistance had been dropped—possibly around the first time he went down on you. You were no expert, but “professional” probably barred him from fucking you in about 90% of his chosen locations. And whether you were a “prostitute”, an “escort”, a “hooker”, or whatever other demeaning word anyone could come up with, was another unimportant matter. Anyone could call you anything, at the end of the day, you had money.

It was supposed to be clean, a black and white exchange where you showed up and he paid you. At any point, you could step on the brakes, he could step on the brakes—something you had once found relief in, but was now a source of insecurity, not that you would ever tell him that. He didn’t need to know about your life, what you wanted to do after school, who your friends were, your shaky relationship with your parents, the reasons why someone like you wanted to enter this relationship.

But he asked about those things because rules seemed to either not exist to him, or they just weren’t meaningful. And you hadn’t felt pressured to answer or anything, if that was the case, you would have just lied. The fact of the matter was that eventually you told him these things because you didn’t mind him knowing about your life.

He was not supposed to be kind or smart or interesting. He was not supposed to be a good guy. Clearly, he didn’t get the memo. There should be an official organization that lets men know you can’t just be perfect and spoil someone if you look anything like Andrew Barber.

It was the middle of April in Massachusetts and that meant it was still just a little too chilly for the slinky slip Andy had picked out for you, but that was what all the champagne was for. You were buzzing and it wasn’t just that you were getting drunk. Summer was approaching and he often spoke about all of the things he wanted to do with you now that you had more free time and he gave you these looks and you could just get lost in his eyes and plans even though you knew better.

You had been doing this long enough that people had finally stopped staring. The first few times Andy brought you, they were blatant and downright rude, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it. Despite the disproportionate wealth shared amongst this group, it wasn’t too often that someone brought along a much younger woman that they were undoubtedly paying. Most of these men were married and either brought their wives along or tales of their affairs.

The rich people here treated this like an elite group, so when people like you were around, not everyone was welcoming. The other few women that had similar situations to yours were kind enough and tried to get to know you better—shared experiences create great friendships, right? Andy didn’t think so, he discouraged any type of communication and claimed that it was because they didn’t tend to stick around long. You theorized he just didn’t want you spending time with anyone that wasn’t him.

The woman across from Andy, Francesca, had been around for as long as you could remember. She had long, dark brown hair, flawless eyebrows, a great jawline, and an even greater ass. She was a few years older than him and several older than you.

You often pondered just how much more interesting than you she was. See, she had never hidden that she was attracted to him, but Andy seemed oblivious. You couldn’t tell if he actually was or was just pretending not to notice. You told yourself it was deeper than just the age, that there was another, much different reason that he wasn’t interested in her.

But, of course, you couldn’t ask. You couldn’t talk to him about other women because that was teetering on the edge of possessiveness and jealousy. Those were two of the few luxuries that you would be denied. Romance would not be found here, just a lot of mutual lust and understanding.

She laughed at something he said, pulling you back into the moment. As you sipped on your champagne, you returned to your favorite activity at these parties: people watching. You were starting to pick up on some of the drama and whatever blanks were left at the end of the nights, Andy usually filled them for you.

There were certain types of men that always bred the most scandalous scenarios. Those are the same few men that had only just recently stopped trying to buy you away from Andy by offering you more money than he was paying you. Yes, technically, that was what you were here for, but Andy was not like these men.

For starters, most everyone in attendance was a lawyer. They followed the model of: the worse the job was, the better the pay. Unlike them, Andy didn’t represent sleazy, rich rapists or murderers. That was just the start of the differences. He didn’t get so drunk that he caused a scene at these parties, he didn’t touch drugs, and he wasn’t going through some tragic midlife crisis that he was trying to placate with cars or women.

When you looked back at the pair, Andy was texting and Francesca was eyeing your hand around the glass were sipping from. She was looking at your rings—oh, your rings. You loved your rings.

Originally, you’d thought you weren’t going to ask for or accept anything stupid. You just needed your bills paid, your rent, your car. You wanted to be able to eat more than once a day. Andy quickly realized that you wouldn’t ask, if he wanted you to have something, he was just going to have to give it to you.

(On your very first date, he’d given you a diamond bracelet. You had been stunned, maybe even a little uncomfortable. It was hard to accept such expensive items from strangers. However, you did like it and wore it almost every day even though it made no sense with most of your outfits. You’d simply grown fond of it because it had come from him.)

(On the fourth date, he gave you a three-strand diamond necklace that strongly resembled a collar. You adored it, not the way you adored your rings, but it still gave you butterflies whenever he would clasp it around your neck and then kiss the skin directly under it. These were things that he’d called gifts, but you recognized them for what they actually were, signs of ownership.)

The first ring had been a reward. You’d made it through midterms, so he took you to the jewelry shop that’s on the way back to your apartment from his house. After three hours and a lot of wine—you’d needed to be drunk the first few times you knew he was spending money on you—you left with the tiara ring for your pinky finger. It was a loud piece of intricate curls on top of and underneath a row of tiny hearts. This ring was the most special, the first, you rarely ever took it off—only for school.

The second had been an apology. He’d convinced you to spend the night at his house even though he knew you really didn’t want to. He had kissed your neck and your face and had two of his fingers inside you, he had whispered all the things he still wanted to do to you that night. Around two in the morning, you’d gone to get water from the kitchen. You were in a pair of panties and one of Andy’s shirts that you didn’t bother to button up. That was how you were dressed when you met his son for the first time. Two days later, you had the butterfly ring in its spot at the base of your index finger. It was gaudy and expensive but did little to quell your anger and humiliation. You loved it, nonetheless.

The third had been an anniversary present. This relationship had reached its 100-day mark, he took you to his favorite restaurant, the same one he had taken you to for your first date. Which wasn’t romantic at all, there were a lot of terms being discussed. This time had been much different. He asked you for your hand and slipped the ring onto your third finger without a word, he merely eyed the only empty finger with the unstated promise that that finger would soon have one as well. It was this huge oval cut diamond that covered the width of your finger, atop two bands of smaller but still fairly large identically cut diamonds.

A little less than three weeks after that, it had been…well, you still weren’t quite sure what the fourth ring was. It wasn’t often that Andy didn’t drive you. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, you had only one class so he would drop you off and pick you up during his lunch break so you could get coffee together. On Wednesdays and Fridays, you had more than one class so he would drop you off and he would pick you up when he got off work.

One Wednesday morning, your first class had been canceled so you ended up driving yourself. Andy took Wednesdays and Fridays as his early days off because he didn’t want you waiting in the library too long after your final class let out, so those had become the simple nights when he would come over to your apartment even though he really didn’t like it there—you figured he was struggling with the urge to buy you a much bigger apartment, one that would probably coincidentally be closer to his house as well.

You had made the plan to cook dinner that night so before heading home, you drove to the grocery store… Fortunately, no one was hurt. Unfortunately, at your place just in front of the stoplight, a car in the turn lane drove right into your car. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal considering your life of absolute privilege and you just wanted to get the whole thing over with.

Andy wasn’t quite as level-headed. The other driver was a middle-aged man so Andy felt no reluctance in throwing a fit. You had been torn between being humiliated that he was fussing so much over you, flattered that he cared, angry that he was treating you like you were a fragile vase, or maybe just a little turned on because he was so angry.

That night, instead of your place, he took you to his house and spoiled the hell out of you. He undressed you and kissed you everywhere, he bundled you up in one of his sweaters and a throw blanket, sat you down on the bed, and made you hot chocolate. You were not allowed to lift a single finger. That was the first night you spent at his house, and since Jacob wasn’t there, Andy didn’t hesitate to fuck you for hours and make you scream as loudly as he wanted you to.

The next morning, when you woke up, the black velvet box was set on the pillow between you and him. He was propped up on the headboard with his laptop and the clock on his bedside table was saying that it was well past noon. Clearly, he decided to stay home from work and if there wasn’t jewelry in front of you, you would have given him a lecture.

It was a princess cut diamond—which he would later explain with ‘you are my princess’—with a double halo and a diamond-encrusted band. It was smaller than all the rest but somehow just went perfectly.

You weren’t bragging, at least not in a petty way. It was just that any time you noticed someone staring at your hand, you couldn’t help but try to draw more attention to it, or the other jewelry Andy showered you in.

You supposed that maybe that meant something, maybe during your little back and forth a few hours prior when he had accused you of being spoiled, he was onto something. Regardless, the only person who could be blamed for that was him.

You almost got lost in the diamonds on your hand when Andy reached out to you, pulling some hair over your shoulder. You looked up at him, he was smiling softly. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“Are you ready to go?”

He really didn’t like these parties; he was always the one that wanted to leave and would slyly place the blame on you. You were tired, you weren’t feeling well, you had a tough week and you just wanted to go home. You never minded because it wasn’t as if you got anything out of these parties either, and if that was the easiest way to pull him out of there, so be it. It was Sunday anyway, he had to work tomorrow and you had to go over your weekly schedule with him before the night was over.

“Sure.”

It started as a quiet drive, just like it always did, but then he placed his hand on your thigh. You glanced at him, arching an eyebrow. He simply smirked and kept his gaze on the road. You opened your legs wide, guiding two of his fingers inside you. “Can you feel your cum in me?”

“Not enough.”

“You’re the one that made me stand for almost an hour.”

“I’ll fill you up again before you go to class tomorrow.”

You snorted. “Lucky me.”

He shot you a look. “Oh, you don’t like it?”

“Never said that.”

“Well, if you don’t, I don’t need to—”

“I was kidding,” you whined.

He gave you a look, pretending he was unconvinced. “You’ve had an attitude all night.”

“You spanked me,” you reminded. The memory, the sore feeling on your ass whenever you sat down, had kept you wet all night. “Hard.”

“You talked back.”

You had because you wanted him to spank you. The first time he had, it was quite the discovery. It was after a drink, after you were feeling a little daring. He told you no, and you really hated when he did that. You couldn’t even remember what you had said, but it was bad, it was enough to get your skirt torn down, you bent over his knee, and well, the rest was a blissful blur.

This time it was because he was in a mood. You were getting dressed and he was watching you and that always meant something. You weren’t sure what exactly, but there were a few things you picked up on with Andy. When he wanted to be in control, he didn’t necessarily just want you to submit completely. When he gave you a look, you knew that he wanted you to fight just a bit. So, he told you to wear a specific dress and you refused initially. Cue the spanking. After your whole body felt hot and flushed and your legs were shaking and your cunt was dripping, you obliged, and he was so damn smug about it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, because my fingers are inside you and you want me to make you come.”

“Well…yes.”

He laughed and you couldn’t help but smile. You loved the sound of it. Andy so rarely laughed but you took it to mean that he felt comfortable enough around you. “If you can be patient, I’ll fuck you when we get home.”

Home. His home. Whatever. “And if I can’t?”

“Then you’re going to have to wait until the morning and I might not feel like letting you come. Deal?”

You nodded. “Deal.”

But he didn’t play fair. He drove slower than usual, fingers still buried inside you, and he moved them. A lot. He tried to cover it with stupid things, like driving over a pothole or making a sharp turn. If you moved your hips once, just barely, you lost. So, you sat there, completely still, gripping the seat like it was a lifeline.

Upstairs, you waited for him to make the rounds. Jacob wasn’t there, thankfully, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been there earlier. Andy went around every door and window and made sure they were locked.

In that time, you got undressed and waited for him. You had a couple of red marks across your ass that you could see in the mirror on the opposite end of the bedroom. He always liked seeing your skin marked up in some way if he was the reason.

When he entered the room, you were sitting on the edge of the bed. “Stand up.”

You quickly did so, turning your back to him so he could see your ass. His palms lightly felt along the marked skin there. “It doesn’t hurt.”

He rarely asked, but you found that he fucked you better when he knew for sure. You just started letting him know and it seemed he trusted you enough to voice any boundaries you had if he ever crossed them.

One hand slowly trailed up your spine and slid across to your shoulder. He pressed you down quickly and you caught yourself on the mattress with both hands. You could hardly stay still as you heard his belt and zipper.

He easily pushed into you, body flush against yours. He let you adjust around him, staying perfectly still as he leaned over you and kissed your back, neck, and shoulders. Andy didn’t move until you angled your hips and pressed back a little more, whimpering nonsense.

This was so unlike the two times earlier. In the closet, after he spanked you, he sat you on top of his lap and made you ride him. At the party, in the bathroom, he stood you in front of the mirror and gently fucked you until he had filled you with his cum. This was fast, rough, and maybe a little detached if you really thought about it.

Andy took your waist in both hands and held you in place as he pounded into you relentlessly. Slapping skin, your soaking wet pussy, the bed banging against the wall on his particularly hard thrusts, these had become noises you were more than used to, noises you had grown to crave. Being with Andy was never supposed to be like this, but you didn’t have a single complaint.

You buried your face in the blankets, hands clutching tight at the sheets around you as your muffled screams filled the room. You knew he was close when his hands began to wander. One carded through your hair and pressed you down more, the other moved under you to reach your clit.

“You were such a good girl in the car.”

Your response was unintelligible, but yes. You had been more than just good. You had waited for him even though he was being a tease, and now, you wanted what he owed you. Which he didn’t deny you, not for a second.

He made you come. Once. Twice. Maybe three times. But after that, it was all just nonsense, satisfying, endless nonsense. He was still holding you by the hair, but he’d turned your head so you could breathe, and he was still circling his fingers around your clit.

Your back arched, allowing him in deeper—one of the tells of your approaching orgasm. You felt your pussy tighten around his fingers and began begging him to let you come. Even in this hazy, fucked-out state, you wanted to please him, you wanted his praise and approval.

He gave you permission like he always did and fully intended to fuck you through it. He only paused because he felt you spilling down his thighs, felt the wet sheets against his skin, heard light drops on the hardwood floor. Fuck.

He pulled you against him immediately, your sweat-slicked back to his chest. One arm draped across your chest, the opposite hand wrapped around your neck. You were watching him, eyes clear with curiosity. “You just squirted, princess.”

You blinked and attempted to voice your confusion. Problem was, his hips were still moving. You had no time to recover and there was no chance your brain had at making sense of anything in that moment.

“It was fucking hot and you’re going to do it again.”

Needless to say, you skipped classes the next day.

Andy liked to celebrate the monthly anniversaries.

He was big on creating traditions, you assumed that was just that part of him that had been hardwired to crave a normal family. He hadn’t told you much about his life and you didn’t want to pry—his dad wasn’t around and his mom had been but she died when he was pretty young. He shared this only after he asked about your parents.

The most personal he had ever gotten with you was one night when he had intended to take advantage of your drunk and thoroughly fucked state, obviously convinced that you wouldn’t remember the question in the morning. Do you believe in love?

It was weird given the setting and that you and Andy simply didn’t talk like that. It was dangerous because this could never be more than it was. You were both only allowed feelings of lust, maybe even obsession, but nothing of the usual sense. And Andy was so strict and controlled, you were surprised he would cross any sort of line.

You tried to play it off, tried to tell him that you had more important things to worry about. He didn’t like that response. He pressed because he was just like that, his career was all about pressing and sometimes, he brought it home. You ended up telling him that you viewed marriage as a waste of time. Your parents divorced, all your aunts and uncles, even the younger friends who got married out of high school were on the fast track to messy court dates and vicious custody battles. You also pointed out his situation. If someone as perfect as him couldn’t stay married, no one could.

It was then that he told you the happiest moments of his life were carving pumpkins or decorating the Christmas tree with Jacob. He had loved Valentine’s Day with Laurie, he was the one that had always insisted on doing something. He even looked forward to the smaller holidays, Independence Day, Memorial Day, any day that got Jacob out of school and him an extra day off so they could have a cookout in the backyard.

It wasn’t his intent, but it had sort of created a barrier between you two. You wished he still had his family even if that meant never meeting him. He was that kind of man, a good man, and you could tell that it weighed on him every day that he no longer had his perfect family.

He’d never pictured his life like this, a failed marriage, a child separated between his parents. He never would have entertained the idea of needing someone like you. He didn’t say that last part, but you knew. Sometimes, it was just in the way he looked at you. You feared he would grow to resent you one day, but you always tried to push that thought far away.

Regardless, the distance was there and he realized it even if he didn’t say it. There was also the matter that school had just let out meaning you had zero excuses for saying no to him when he proposed the trip to New York that would coincide with the 7-month mark of your relationship.

You’d never been and you’d always wanted to see Moulin Rouge on Broadway. He’d decided to drive to New York because you had once made the mistake of telling him you hated airports. It was a short road trip, one you weren’t entirely unwelcoming of. Especially not when he kept his hand on your thigh most of the time. It was late when you made it to the hotel and surprisingly, he had no issues with you diving straight into bed.

The morning was quite different. The hotel window had a perfect view of the city and he felt inclined to fuck you against it as soon as you both woke up. Then, he wanted to take you shopping. For nearly two entire days, he spoiled the hell out of you. Anywhere you wanted to go, he would take you. Anything you glanced at, he wanted to buy it for you.

On the night of the show, he finally took you to Victoria’s Secret. You’d seen pictures of it before, but you had not anticipated how beautiful it would look in person. You went crazy, you took him to the fitting room and tortured him on every single floor with both clothing and lingerie. Several hours had been devoted to teasing him and he let you know that after the show, you would regret your decisions.

Before you managed to get him back to the hotel so you could get ready, he needed to spend another awful amount of money on you. There was a jewelry shop just down the street from Victoria’s Secret and he couldn’t let you leave the state—as he claimed when he saw you frown—without at least one diamond.

You wanted nothing, but you knew the chances of him allowing that were nonexistent. So, you told yourself to keep it small, but one thing that had become a harsh reality since you met Andy: you were a sad, pathetic victim to larger, shinier diamonds. You immediately fell in love with a short string of sizable heart-shaped diamonds, the one larger heart dangling in the center is what had caught your eye.

Regardless of this terrible habit you had developed—this feeling that you craved, the pure joy that you got from people knowing that Andy was buying you diamonds—you tried to protest when he caught you staring. You just wanted a bracelet, really. He rarely ever gave you bracelets.

Instead, he sent you off to get coffee. You knew exactly why that was. He often got rid of you when he was about to make decisions that he knew would make you feel bad. You wanted to refuse, but what was better? Blissful ignorance or sitting there just watching him toss out the money for that necklace?

Learning what Andy liked at Starbucks had been a process. He didn’t like his coffee sweet so that eliminated 90% of the menu. His home coffee was some brand you’d never even heard of, the shops he went to were all nearly older than him. He liked cappuccinos with extra espresso, but he preferred the straightforward coffee he would get anywhere else, so he claimed. However, you knew he liked pumpkin spice lattes. You planned to prove it the day they released them for the year.

When he came out, the bag in his hand was much larger than one that would be used for just a necklace. He smiled at the horrified look you shot him and claimed that he was given a great deal for the entire set.

While you were getting ready for the show, you realized that this was the most normal you had felt with Andy in a while. There had been tension that neither of you wanted to address, but this trip was making you realize just how stupid that tension was. One day, this was going to end. It was impractical to think an arrangement like this was going to have a long shelf-life.

Shouldn’t you just enjoy it? Being here with him was fun. You liked the city and all the noise and bustle. You also liked being with him away from home and the lives you two had created long before you met one another. This was just you two, isolated together. Normally, you couldn’t ask that of him. He had his job and he was a father and you understood that completely, but you liked this.

During the show, Andy whispered to you several times. He couldn’t wait to be fucking you. He couldn’t wait to taste you. He couldn’t wait to hear you scream and cry and beg. He placed your hand over his lap just so you could feel how hard he was.

Back at the hotel, and maybe it was because of all that he had said, you didn’t want to tease. Almost immediately, you stripped completely naked—fuck all of that expensive lingerie, apparently.

He finally gave you your diamonds. He started with the necklace and you couldn’t even be upset. It fit you so well, you loved seeing it against your skin, you loved seeing how he looked at you while you were wearing it. Then, he gave you the matching bracelet. You had said you wanted a bracelet, right? You couldn’t complain. The earrings, you told yourself, were fine because you didn’t have a pair of diamond earrings yet.

You felt weighed down by these diamonds but not in a bad way. You felt tied to him, owned like you were one of his prized possessions. It was temporary, you reasoned, so was there any real harm in that? He watched you climb off the bed he had ordered you on mere minutes ago, arching an eyebrow as you lowered to your knees before him.

Andy rarely had the patience to let you go down on him, despite loving the feeling. Mostly, his main source of pleasure came from the things he could make you feel. He also couldn’t understand what you got out of letting him fuck your mouth. You weren’t much of a fan before Andy, you could admit since you had a total of zero pleasant experiences, but you felt that this was your only way of spoiling him.

It was nonnegotiable tonight, you would throw a fit if needed. You looked up at him for a moment, almost asking for permission. But not quite, maybe more for compliance. His promise was made by unzipping his pants for you and then letting his hands fall to his sides.

You took him out of his pants and opened your mouth. Staring up at him again, you took as much of him as you could. He was fine until he felt you gag, then his jaw set and his hands became fists.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

Moaning around him, you slowly pulled back. One of his hands disappeared in your hair before you could get too far. He had to keep you there for a moment, attempting to calm himself down because he could tell how much you wanted this.

He brought his hand forward, touching your cheekbone. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” He slipped his fingers under your jaw and thrust his hips forward gently. He didn’t go too deep and it was at a torturous pace that he pulled out. This man’s control was one of the sexiest things about him. It made him seem so powerful and stable and that was what you craved more than anything in this world.

“Touch yourself,” he directed.

Your hand dove down, two fingers instantly burying inside your pussy. You moaned loudly around him and he cursed again.

“You want me to fuck your face?”

You nodded as well as you could.

He nodded, taking another deep breath. His hold under your face tightened just a bit, thumb and fingers pressing into your jaw. He didn’t thrust, instead, he moved you with his hand. Each time he brought you down on him, he made sure to choke you a little because he knew you liked it.

By the time he was close, your jaw was sore, made worse by his tight hold, your ribs hurt from how hard you had been gagging, the back of your throat was testament that he had lost it a couple of times, and went a bit harder than he meant to. Your entire hand was wet, your thighs shaking and your hips still rolling.

He told you to come with him, told you he wasn’t going to until you did. You pressed the heel of your palm down on your clit and fucked your hand harder. Andy brought you down as far as your throat would allow and held you there, moaning as you attempted to swallow around him.

His hand slid down to your neck and he began to squeeze when he knew you were close, hips moving fast and sloppy. You placed one hand on his thigh to keep yourself balanced, turning your gaze up to him once more.

You felt him start to spill down your throat. He moved harder, hips jerking and cock slamming into the back of your throat each time. The cum that was in your mouth was now beginning to slip out from the sides of your lips.

He pulled out before he was done, one hand in your hair to angle your head back, his other hand stroking his cock as his cum leaked out along your jaw and neck. “God damn, you are fucking gorgeous.”

You stared at him as the tip of your tongue came out to the corner of your mouth where you felt some of his cum.

Immediately, he pulled you onto your feet and shoved you back onto the bed. He was on top of you instantly, using his fingers to collect his cum off your skin so he could feed it to you. As you laid there, licking his fingers, he brought his opposite hand down to your pussy.

“I love feeling your cunt after you’ve just finished.” He teased you several times, just dipping the tips of his fingers in before he pushed two inside you.

You whimpered, lips closed around his fingers. Once he pulled them out, your mouth was free to speak, which was rarely ever a good thing when you two were in bed. “Well, are you going to get inside me, or did you need a minute?”

He arched an eyebrow—it didn’t bother him when you joked about his age, but he pretended it was grounds for true punishment. “Maybe I need several minutes, I guess I just have to keep you coming until then, huh?”

You hummed in protest.

He brought his hand up to grab your jaw, wet fingers pressing tightly into your skin. His lips hovered over yours as he asked, “You’re such a fucking brat, you know that?”

You smiled. “Yes.”

He scoffed. “You’re shameless. I don’t know how you got this bad.”

But he did know, and he would do whatever he possibly could to ensure that you would just get worse. Andy’s success was measured by your bratty episodes. It showed how comfortable you had become with him but also just how much you wanted him.

For the record, you weren’t accusing Andy of being some evil mastermind who had planned this whole…ordeal. That would be insane because it would imply a lot of things that you knew were simply not true about him. He wasn’t a bad person, he was actually one of the best that you had ever met.

But…he was a lawyer. He had picked up some bad habits that came along with that. That meant, that though he didn’t plan this, he was enjoying it thoroughly. In short, you were accusing him of being an opportunist.

The first time you met Andy, he had brought Jacob to that hellhole of a restaurant you used to work at. So, technically Jacob knew you, but he was on his phone the entire time and they were low-maintenance customers, so he’d maybe seen you for a total of 5 minutes over their 2-hour stay. Andy did come back and bring Jacob several times, but it was always the same. He never paid you any mind, and why would he?

So, when you “met” him, half-naked and covered in bruises and bites—something that still made you glare at Andy if you thought about it too much—Jacob already knew you. He just didn’t know you. And after that one encounter, you couldn’t imagine what he thought of you.

This made you realize just how worried you were about how temporary you knew you were. Andy hadn’t said anything so you wondered if Jacob just didn’t tell Laurie. You wondered if she would even care if he had told her. Maybe Andy did this all the time, maybe she just couldn’t be bothered because they weren’t married anymore. You had no idea because Andy rarely spoke to you about Jacob and never spoke about Laurie.

Your grand solution was just trying to avoid Jacob at all costs. Mostly, you were successful, and Andy didn’t seem to mind, per se, but he did not encourage it. He loved his son and he didn’t want part of his life to be completely unknown to Jacob, but you kind of did.

It was one terrible morning when you were a bit hungover from the night before and Andy was making breakfast. He’d just set down a plate of pancakes in front of you, kissed you on top of the head because you were letting him baby you, when Jacob came in, so you didn’t even have an excuse to leave. It would be pathetically clear what you were doing. Were you seriously scared of a 17-year-old boy?

Yes. But you could pretend you weren’t, and you would pretend. There was no other choice. It wasn’t until you were all sitting down for the world’s most awkward breakfast that Andy’s phone rang. He often got calls in the morning and you never minded. Until then.

You shot him a threatening look that he clearly didn’t take seriously. He excused himself and with each step further away, your desire to suddenly die increased.

There was more painfully awkward silence and you wracked your brain for ways to fix it. You could ask him about school, his plans for the day. But that was the easy part. How were you going to word the question casually, unforced? You didn’t have to think on that much longer because he decided to speak first.

“Is my dad your, like, sugar daddy?”

And before you were subjected to having to respond, his friends showed up. Which was great because you couldn’t have formed a response if your life depended on it. But that shock had well worn off by the time Andy returned. He was throwing out apologies and explaining that he was being given an update on one of his cases. He seemed unaware of your silence until he realized Jacob was gone.

“Where’s Jake?”

“He left with his friends.”

“Oh.” He sat down at the table and you glared. “Come on, I didn’t know he was going to be here—”

“He just asked me if you’re my sugar daddy!”

“Well, I am.”

“You are not.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “Then what am I? I pay your bills, I buy you things, in return, you spend most of your free time with me. What does that make me?”

You were mad but not about the idea that he was your sugar daddy. Of course, you’d played with that phrase a few times, but it seemed so unrepresentative of your relationship. At least, to you. He clearly saw it that way, and maybe you weren’t even mad about that.

You might not have been mad at all, maybe just scared. You knew that Andy was in love with his ex-wife still and he always would be. She was this terrifying person that you’d never met that essentially held the cards to your life. You figured that if she expressed any anger towards Andy’s relationship with you, that you would be gone. You would have to go back to your life before, like when the carriage was a pumpkin. And the scariest part of that was not that you had no money. It was that you two would just be done as if you never even happened at all.

“Your boyfriend?” he pressed.

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he warned.

“I’m going home.”

“No, you’re not.”

Once more, you rolled your eyes. You pushed away from the table and stormed out of the kitchen and to his bedroom.

He came in moments later after you had thrown his shirt on the bed. You were in nothing more than a pair of panties as you searched for where he’d tossed your clothes the night before. He shut the door and locked it, but you refused to respond to his tactics to make you talk.

“Get on the bed.”

You scoffed incredulously, turning over your shoulder to him with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, that’s not happening.”

His hand wrapped around one of your arms and he spun you back to him. You set your hands on his chest to push him away, but he pulled you in so tight that you couldn’t move. He kissed you like it had been years since he last did so, in reality, it had been a little over an hour. It was demanding and fast, he left you no room to protest, but it wasn’t like that mattered because with each passing second, you were giving in.

His free hand slid down between your legs and you broke the kiss to moan. Your head fell back, your body pressed closer to him. It wasn’t a surrender exactly, just a promise that you would get over it and never bring it up again.

But then he said, “Call me daddy.”

You froze, turning your head back to him. “What?”

“Call me daddy,” he repeated. “You want to come? Tell daddy how to make you come.”

It was just a matter of time before it was brought up. Unbeknownst to him, it was on your mind. Unbeknownst to you, it was on his. He hadn’t been the kind for it, then he met you. There was something primal inside him that was triggered when you would whimper and whine, when you were choking on his cock and staring up at him with your beautiful eyes, when you were crying his name. And sometimes, it didn’t completely sound unlike daddy. When you were breathless and fucked good, and nearly mindless. Sometimes, it was close enough that it made him wonder what it would be like.

And you’d been curious too. Ever since he spanked you the first time. You saw Andy as this powerful, good man. He was perfect and didn’t even know it. But all of that was what everyone could see. There were these dark parts of him that made you wet just thinking about. You would never tell him, but once, just one time, he was busy and couldn’t see you one weekend. Meaning you had to take care of yourself. Your dreams were vivid and filthy, and you might have called him daddy in one…so, yeah.

“I’m not going to touch you if you can’t follow orders, princess.”

It took you a moment to find your voice, especially with the way he was looking down at you. “I…don’t know…” It felt weird, like you were admitting this terrible secret. You were aware he had asked you to, but it still felt wrong. Kind of.

“Well,” his fingers slid over you again, a teasing touch that was too light for any real relief, “do you want daddy’s fingers?”

You nodded.

“What about daddy’s cock?”

“Yes.”

“Or maybe daddy’s mouth?” He kissed your forehead first, then your cheek, and finally all over your neck. “Hmm?”

“Yeah, that’s what I want.”

“You know what I want,” he pointed out, pulling back to look at you. “Tell me what you want first.”

He was not letting you out of this and did you actually want him to? Andy was a complete daddy. He spoiled the hell out of, almost literally got off on taking care of you, and he was a kind, beautiful man who had no problems fucking you like he hated you.

“Will you eat my pussy, Daddy?”

Wordlessly, he sat you down on the bed and pushed you onto your back by your shoulders. His eyes on yours, he took you with his mouth over your panties and any doubts you had about this just faded away.

Your breath was shaking as he held you down, his hands gripping your arms tight. You draped your legs over his shoulders and pulled him closer. He pressed his tongue flat against you each time he licked up your aching cunt. “Oh, god,” you blurted out when you felt him at your clit.

He turned his head, nipping at your thigh. It was a prompt.

“Daddy,” you breathed, and he returned his mouth to you. “Daddy, please.”

He hummed. What are you asking for?

“Please, take them off,” you begged.

His fingers slipped under the band of your underwear and he tore them into pieces, without any skill whatsoever, as his tongue sought out bare skin. You’d heard several tears by the time his tongue was inside you.

You arched your back and grabbed a hold of his hair with both hands. He almost instantly took your hands and held them down to the bed again. “Daddy, don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Please make me come.”

He pulled your clit between his lips and you knew that you weren’t going to last much longer. You knew this was your biggest loss so far. He was never going to let you forget that you’d come up here throwing a fit, trying to push him away, only to beg him to eat you out.

Your hips rolled against his face, he seemed surprised for a moment, but he moaned against you, so you kept doing it. “Can I come, Daddy? Please?”

He hummed again, a confirmation.

When you moved instead of waiting for him, you could feel his beard. That was the only reason you kept canting your hips up to meet the swipes of his tongue that were toeing the line of being too good.

He let his tongue drop down to tease your entrance, earning a frustrated whine from you. Your clit wasn’t neglected for long, you felt the tip of his nose hovering just right there. So, if you were to move, if you bucked your hips just right, you discovered quickly just how to get the right kind of pressure there.

Andy loved every second of it, he loved the smell of you and the taste of you, and he knew he was never going to be a better position to indulge in both. You were wild even though he was pinning you down, you were hardly ever this desperate, this upfront with your desire. It was the sexiest thing he ever witnessed.

You finished on his tongue and he let no drop of you go to waste. He was selfish in the way he ran his mouth along the oversensitive parts of you. Before reality had even made its way back to you, he’d placed you on your knees before him. Your body was moving without your brain, like pure instinct. Your mouth opened for him before you even knew you were on the floor and you took him in as deep as you could.

He took a handful of your hair and held you in place, hips slowly, gently moving back and forth. You were gagging around him but he was letting you get used to it, telling you that you were such a good girl, reminding you how well you knew how to suck his cock, how you’d always been so good at it.

He didn’t want to come in your mouth, he just wanted to get close. He threw you down on the bed just as soon as he’d gotten you back on your feet and then he was on top of you. His hand wrapped around your neck as he slotted his hips between your thighs.

His eyes locked on yours, he slowly sunk into you. It was damn near painful the kind of restraint he was using, how he was denying you that fast kind of fucking he knew you loved. He pulled back, using his knees for balance, and kept his hold on your throat.

His thrusts were too gentle, several agonizing times, until you were squirming and whimpering. He didn’t seem concerned with what you wanted then, he merely kept his eyes moving over your body.

“Andy,” you complained.

He tsked. “Baby girl.”

“Daddy,” you corrected instantly. “Daddy, please. I need you to fuck me.”

Instead, he leaned back down and kissed you. He started at your mouth and then moved to your jaw. His hips barely moved, just enough to keep you on this edge of murderous rage. Seriously? After what you just went through? He wasn’t going to fuck you to make it up to you?

He sat back again and tightened his hand when you opened your mouth. It was the nicest way he was ever going to tell you to shut up, but he was telling you to. You were too scared to show any signs of disobedience at this point.

He pulled out and you whined unintelligibly. You received nothing more than a brief ‘hush’ before he was laying down next to you. He was on his side, propping one of your legs over his hip as he slid back into you. He lifted you up so you could lay your head on his bicep and used that arm to grab your opposite thigh, pulling it out to the side so you were completely open for him.

“Daddy,” you mewled. You couldn’t keep doing this, you needed to come. You needed him to make you come. He dragged his cock out and then shoved back in, earning a strangled yelp from you. You brought both hands up to hold the forearm that was still pressed between your breasts.

It was then that he started this horrible pattern of fucking you hard, hard, until you were just about to come. You would be shaking, begging like you never had before, promising you would never talk back to him again, and then he would just stop.

He never denied your orgasm. If anything, he just threatened to, didn’t follow through, then made weak threats that he would next time. It was a nice routine and you weren’t sure why he wanted to ruin it.

He told you to leave your thigh where it was and then brought that hand up. He started at your mouth, he ordered you to close your lips around his fingers. He was choking you still and now gagging you and you were abruptly lightheaded. He’d never given you a safe word, you were sure he never intended to go too far. The idea that he might, though… Ugh.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth and they were soaking wet because he didn’t give you the chance to swallow. He dragged them down your body, stopping to pinch one of your nipples painfully until you gasped, and then down to your pussy.

Tears filled your eyes immediately as he pressed his fingers down on your clit. He kissed the side of your face several times before stating, “I can’t keep giving you what you want if you’re going to be such a brat, baby.”

“I’m not being a brat,” you protested.

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he scoffed. His fingers began to rub circles into you.

You shot him a desperate look. “Daddy, please I need you to make me come.”

He arched an eyebrow, hips still but hand moving. “Oh, you need me to?”

“No one else makes me come like you do.” It was clear that you were just saying anything you could think to make him give in. True? Yes. But were the words sincere? Not at all, and you didn’t want him to know that. Yes, you liked spending time with Andy, you even loved fucking him, but this was not a relationship. It was an arrangement first and you had to protect yourself.

He rolled his eyes at you. “Transparent.”

You let your head fall back into the pillow with an exaggerated sigh. “Please?”

“No.”

You looked at him instantly, eyebrows pulling together. “What?”

“No,” he repeated slowly.

He’d never just told you no. Maybe in a roundabout way, he’d talked his way through the fact of no, but never once had he just out and said it. You had no idea how to reply. After all, he was in charge here. If he said no, did you have to accept it?

He brought his fingers down to where your bodies were connected and pulled out completely. He dipped his fingers into you at the same time he was easing his cock back in.

You bit down on your lip, willing yourself to relax. He was always a tight fit, even without the addition of two of his thick fingers, even on those weeks when he fucked you every day, numerous times a day.

“You’re okay,” he promised. “You can take it.”

You tried spreading your legs even more, hoping that would make him easier to take.

“Good girl.” He pulled his cock and fingers out briefly before working them both back in simultaneously. “How’s it feel, baby?”

“It hurts a little.”

“But you can take it, can’t you?” He kissed along your cheekbone. “You want it, right? Because you’re my good girl.”

You were nodding before you even truly thought about it. You wanted anything he wanted to give you, in reality. You supposed this was not the exception to that rule.

He continued pulling out and teasing back in, going just a little deeper each time.

Your cunt was aching by the time you propped yourself up on your elbows to see. The sight of him inside you was sinful and delicious.

He felt you flutter around him and kissed the side of your face again. “You like when I stretch you out, baby?”

You nodded. That was exactly how you felt. Stretched. It still hurt but not in any kind of way that you didn’t like. Your cheeks were flushed since he’d been denying you a finish, otherwise, you would be blushing terribly. It was a toe-in-the-water of humiliation, you felt a little objectified, or reduced to a single body part. Again, not something you were opposed to because your mind was fucked up enough that your body would respond ecstatically to anything Andy wanted to do to it.

“Do you want another one?”

You weren’t sure, but that didn’t stop you from claiming you did. You watched the tip of his third finger collect the slick on the base of his cock and slide into you. He began pulling out and gently pushing both fingers and cock back in until he was buried several inches and two knuckles into your pussy.

“You are soaked, baby.”

Part of you hated that. How bratty could you be from here on out if you were this wet for him? If your cunt was literally begging him for more of his fingers? That was the pride part of you. The sick part of you stopped to think about how he had 7 more fingers to fuck you with, if he wanted. “Can I have another?”

He smirked. “I think 3 is enough tonight, princess. I don’t want to hurt you too much.”

“I want all your fingers inside me, daddy.”

He scoffed. “Not sure that’s possible, you’re still so tight. But I do have a little more I can give you.” As he pressed more of his fingers in, beyond that second knuckle which made you gasp and squirm because it burned, he also gave you more of his cock.

You were shaking, hand settling on his forearm once more. “Oh, daddy…I feel so full.”

“And your desperate cunt still wants more?”

“Anything from you, daddy. Can I please come?”

He didn’t answer, his hips merely began moving. He roughly fucked into you as he pulled just so with his fingers to keep you painfully stretched.

You were getting close again. That stinging sensation was starting to fade away with the building pleasure. When he angled his hand and let his thumb massage your clit, you knew you wouldn’t last much longer. “Daddy, please.”

“You can’t come.”

You whined. “Daddy!”

“I said no.”

You pressed your hand to his stomach to still his hips, but he paid you no mind. “Daddy, I’m going to come.”

“You better not,” he warned, but didn’t do anything to help you want that. If anything, his hips snapped a bit harder.

“Please stop, daddy,” you begged, voice pathetically small and whiny. You didn’t care how you sounded or looked, you just didn’t want to come without him letting you. You didn’t want to disappoint him. “Daddy, I’m close. Please stop.”

He scoffed, free hand coming up to your face. “You’re such a good girl, you know that?”

You frantically shook your head. You weren’t so good that you wouldn’t come, so really, you needed him to stop.

“You don’t want to come without my permission?”

“No, daddy.”

He pressed his thumb down harder and rubbed faster, earning an unintelligible, sad sound from you. “It’s okay, baby girl, you can come. Daddy wants to feel you coming around his cock.”

You lifted your hand back up to his arm, trying to turn into his body as much as you could. He understood immediately and moved his hold from your neck to drape his arm across you, resting his hand on your back. You set your head in the bend of his neck as you started to come.

He groaned when he felt you get tighter. “That’s it, baby. That’s what I wanna feel.”

Tears were rolling down your cheeks by the time you were coming. Your body had never felt relief so strong. Andy shushed you through it all and told you that you were so good and didn’t stop until he had you filled with his cum.

He let you settle before urging you onto your back. “You okay, baby?”

“Yes, daddy.” You were more than just okay. You were sated and aching, you were exhausted and blissful. It had been a while since he’d spent so much time on you and you felt good, doted on, paid attention to.

He carefully pulled his fingers from your cunt, eyeing your face as he did, but then quickly took your jaw in one hand and shoved the fingers into your mouth. You instantly began sucking on them. “A few things. First, you do not roll your eyes at me. Second, you do not leave the table unless I tell you that you can. Third, do not ever walk away from me. Fourth, when I tell you to get your ass on the bed, you better get your ass on the bed. Are we clear?”

You nodded, speaking around his fingers.

“Glad to hear it.” He slowly extracted his fingers, massaging your jaw with the opposite hand. “When you can walk again, I’ll take you shopping—”

You hurriedly jumped out of bed, rushing for the shower. “I’ll be ready in an hour!”

requests to be tagged:

@onetwo3000​ @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​

[kenzieam]

About Last Night - Chapter Two

@jewels2876  @moonbeambucky  @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123  @iammarylastar@captstefanbrandt  @badassbaker  @pinknerdpanda  @oliviastan17 @mizzzpink​

I know I’m forgetting people, sorry. If you want in, hit me.

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Rating: M

Warnings: Language, general nuttiness, smut, major angst, drama

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FEEDBACK IS LIFE, Y’ALL!

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Lev wakes up the morning after a wild night at the Compound and realizes she hasn’t spent the night alone. The fact that the man unconscious beside her is her most trusted teammate is besides the point, he’s also her best friend and

NOW WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE DO???

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Okay, this chapter is just shameless angst and self-pity, mixed in with a healthy dose of Lev’s incredible stupidity and my absolute favourite... cliffhangers.

You’ve been warned....

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Too late, sugar. He’s found someone else.

No. NO.

And there’s nothing you can do about it, her mind sneered.

A cold rush went through Lev and it was all she could do to not leap from the table and run.

She was becoming her mother.

She was letting love cloud her mind, dictate her actions.

No. She wouldn’t give in, she was stronger than that, baptized by the blood of the damned, literally.

If asked later how she managed to stay seated at the table and remain semi-functional, Lev wouldn’t be able to say. She’d become talented in hiding her emotions, stonewalling the therapist her father briefly tried sending her to, and disguising the true depths of her rage and sorrow as she grew from a teenager to hot-headed adult, but even she couldn’t kid herself into thinking she was successfully acting tonight.

Conversation continued without her, for if anyone noticed her discomfiture, they kindly chose to ignore it, not bringing up the fact that every single person at the table, with the exception of Bucky, Lev and Lilly, had fully expected and had in reality placed bets with each other on when their two friends would finally wake up to the attraction between them, knowing that something had gone down after the party, but not what.

Bucky’s new woman was questioned relentlessly, the guise friendly inquiry, covert ‘what the fuck, man?’ glances sent Bucky’s way whenever her attention was diverted with answering and he glowered back defiantly, refusing, with the exception of one scorching glance, loaded with too many emotions to sort out, to look at Lev.

And she felt her skin tingle every time he touched Lilly, rested his arm on her shoulders, brushed her cheek or tucked some of her long blonde hair behind her ear. If he was acting he was doing a hell of a job, there seemed to be a genuine draw between them, especially in the way Lilly would gaze at him, like he’d hung the fucking moon and, as soon as it was polite, Lev excused herself, the few bites of dessert she’d managed to choke down sour in her stomach.

Why the hell was she so upset? SHE’D WANTED THIS! SHE’D WANTED TO MAINTAIN DISTANCE, but not like this, anything but this.

And she hadn’t truly wanted distance, not really, not in the deepest parts of her heart. Once the static had cleared in her head, she’d heard the message loud and clear. Love was dangerous, love was terrifying and made fools of us all, but she would have been safe with Bucky. He wouldn’t have hurt her; he wouldn’t have let her fall. He wouldn’t have passed off lust as love and then thrown her away, driving her to insanity in the form of hysterical suicide.

He would have treasured her the way she always secretly wished to be and, at the first offering of that, she’d slashed with razor claws, wounding him perhaps permanently.

She wished for more Mead, but there was none and she instead spent the night cross-legged on the floor of her quarters, headphones secured to her ears, blasting her most angry and rage-filled death metal playlists, hoping to drown out the tears.

She shouldn’t have left her room the next morning, she wasn’t fucking hungry anyway. But she had, and the punishment had been swift and severe. Giggles preceded her arrival in the kitchen and, if she’d been listening instead of continuing to stew, she would have recognized the deep answering chuckles.

There had only been a few times in Lev’s life when she could honestly say she was breathless with shock. The first had been with her mother, slipping and sliding in her lifeblood as the woman screamed and slashed even more at her shredded forearms; the second had been when Lev had awoke disoriented under blinding lights, agony like hellfire crawling through her veins, a multitude of strange, lab-coat wearing men standing dispassionately above her, the sudden and cold realization that she’d been taken and changed, that her issues had blinded her to life’s bigger dangers and she’d fallen in with the wrong crowd, selected by HYDRA for an experimental program due to her lack of family and the extremely large chip on her shoulder and she was never going to be the same.

The third was when she had been discovered by accident and rescued by the team, half-mad in that underground bunker; her shadowy surroundings suddenly lit up and blinding her like the sun, fevered confusion and disorientation, dangerous-looking strangers all around her, their grunts of pain and surprise when she fought their hands, struggled to understand a language she’d not heard in so long. Fear and animal instinct to defend had taken over, her enhanced body too much for all but Steve and Bucky to restrain and her first real memories of freedom from that hellish cell where she’d languished, cold and slowly going insane had been of strong arms, gentle hands stroking her face and tangled hair, masculine spice and a deep, soothing voice, speaking words she no longer recognized but in a tone that calmed her nonetheless.

The forth, and final time was now, when she turned the corner into the kitchen and stopped dead, like she’d been slapped by the very hand that was currently caressing Lilly’s breast through her half-buttoned shirt, a shirt Lev recognized instantly, even in her shock, as the one she’d bought Bucky months ago because she’d loved how it matched his eyes. Lilly was gasping and mewling, their bodies moving in a sensual, unmistakable rhythm, Bucky’s eyes flaring with heat as they rolled upwards when her lips, hidden by her face tucked into his throat, nibbled in return for his touch and it was devastatingly obvious what they’d spent the night doing, what Lev had probably unintentionally spared herself from hearing all through the dark hours by keeping her headphones on.

What they were still doing.

Lev could smell it on them and there was no way two bodies could twine so close together if they weren’t already connected in the most visceral and primal way possible. His hand fell from Lilly’s breast, but only to drop to her hip, curling around the curve and pulling her closer still, lifting her thigh to hook around his. His eyes raised finally to Lev’s, banked lust making them look like a beast’s eyes, and his jaw clenched, teeth baring as he growled harshly. Lilly moaned as he turned his head to bite at her throat, eyes staying locked on Lev’s almost defiantly, returning the nips with an intensity that made Lilly’s hips roll against his, made her cling even tighter to his body and ratcheting up the sexual heat that was already so thick between them. Seeing Lev seemed to push him to move harder and faster, as if with each heavy thrust of his hips he was snarling at her ‘like what you see? This could have been you.’

Bucky was fucking her against the counter, her ass smacking the edge while he glared coldly over her shoulder, eyes locked with Lev’s, each heavy grunt as he thrust further driving the nail deeper into her heart and something inside her, something that cracked as she’d watched her mother die and had only continued to yawn wider with each successive hit in her life, shattered completely.

*************************************************************************************   “So, you’re volunteering to take this mission? The one I haven’t been able to bribe, cajole or threaten anyone else to take on?” Tony raised a brow at Lev, half his attention still directed to a tablet in his hand, feet resting on the edge of his desk, chair tilted back.

“Yes.” Lev waited until Stark reluctantly pulled his eyes from the screen and focussed fully on her. Understanding softened the quizzical lines on his forehead.

“You know, kid… what Barnes is doing, bringing that new girl around-”

“Doesn’t matter, he can fuck whomever he wants.”

“Yeah, but after that party we all figured you two would finally-”

“You know… that shit would have been a little more helpful before all of this. I didn’t realize Bucky felt that way, I didn’t realize I felt that way.”

“Is that why you pushed him away? According to Cap you broke his heart.”

Lev flinched. “I didn’t push him away, okay? I was scared shitless and thought we should stay friends.”

“A man doesn’t look at someone the way Barnes looked at you, if they just want to stay friends.”

And the hits just kept coming. “Again, might have been a little more helpful to me before.”

“Why were you so scared?” Tony changed subjects, tilting his head. “I mean, the Manchurian Candidate isn’t my cup of tea, but he’s never hurt you, even when you were trying so hard to kill all of us in that bunker; if anything, he’d be like a pain in the ass puppy, always loyal and trying to get in your lap.” Understanding dawned. “This have something to do with your parents? You told me their divorce was ugly.”

And then some.

“Nah, their divorce was the standard train wreck, it was what came after; when the guy left her, she uh…. Well, she didn’t take it well.”

Tony arched a brow, waiting patiently and Lev was so tired of holding the weight of her burdened past by herself she gave in and opened her figurative vein.

“When uh…. When the new guy took off, she…. I found her after school one day, blood everywhere and the razor still in her hands. I was trying everything I could to stop the bleeding, to stop her, but all she wanted to do was keep cutting and keep screaming into the phone at the guy, over and over again, ‘is this what you wanted? Are you happy now?’. She… she died in my arms, her last words for him, still yelling at him. I’m not even sure if she knew I was there.”

Tony stared, stunned silent, which was quite a feat for him, and Lev swallowed uncomfortably. She’d not told anyone the whole story, not even her dad or the therapist and she felt her adrenaline beginning to rise as the spectres from her past rattled their chains and threatened to break free again.

“Shit… Lev. You need to talk to someone about that-”

“I need to go on this mission.”

“You need help.”

“The mission.” Lev repeated stubbornly. “Just the mission, Tony, okay? If my mother’s suicide taught me anything, it’s that love is the most dangerous fucking thing out there and if I hadn’t learned it then I sure as fuck did when Bucky showed up with that fucking supermodel. That’s all the help I need. Let me get out of here, clear my head and still be fucking useful as I do it. Please?”

Tony gazed at her, such pain and sympathy in his eyes that Lev was forced to look away, chew hard on her lip to keep from breaking down.

“Okay,” he finally murmured. “I’ll send you out on this one but we’re in on this together, you and me, got it?”

Lev squinted at him, not understanding.

“I’m not going to tell anyone else, but you and I are going to talk, regularly, while you’re out there. I’m keeping an eye on you, kid and when you get back… you gotta talk to someone trained in this, okay? That’s not anything anyone should have to carry alone.”

Lev snorted, trying to disguise how touched she was with more sarcasm. “I’m not carrying it alone; it can haunt your nightmares now too.”

A faint smile, but Tony’s eyes stayed troubled.

“Okay,” Lev conceded. “Now can I go?”

Tony nodded slowly. “Yeah, I got everything set up, if you’re ready now, let’s go.”

“I’m ready now.”

***********************************************************************************       Lev exhaled slowly, fighting the urge to doodle on the notebook in front of her and closed her eyes until the itch passed, then opened them again, squinting as she peered through the scope mounted in front of her.

Forty-three days now of reconnaissance, observation, stakeout…. Boring.

Although it had been in the back of Lev’s mind as the reason why no one else wanted to take this mission, meaning Tony had been about a day away from volun-telling someone they were going, it hadn’t truly hit her until now how epically draining this was.

She had nothing but time now, to think, to analyze and consider.

The communication was iffy, limited, hence the need for someone to stay here and watch the comings and goings of the suspected HYDRA affiliate; setting up remote surveillance simply wasn’t possible, nor feasible to complete the set-up of without drawing suspicion. And rotating teams wasn’t ideal either, so Lev was stuck here, admittedly exactly where she’d asked to be, and she was getting a lot of thinking done.

She had been wrong to push Bucky away, that thought was clear as crystal now after weeks of distilling in her mind while she observed and noted each movement of her quarry.

Even if she’d genuinely wanted to simply stay friends with him, wrong, she had gone about that completely ass-backwards too. There had been happiness in his eyes that morning, the smile on his face hopeful, and she’d squashed it like a bug, squashed his heart like a bug, according to Steve; no wonder he’d returned her pain so cruelly, so harshly. He’d been open and vulnerable in front of her, thinking they’d turned some corner in their relationship, holding out his heart to her that morning and she’d clumsily slapped it to the floor, stomped on with her curt announcement that the magic that had passed between them the night before was a mistake.

God, did she wish she could go back in time.

She’d slap her past self silly in that bathroom, grab her shoulders and order her to not be so fucking stupid and scared, to be the fucking hero she played at being and take that leap of faith, knowing Bucky had already taken the leap and was waiting to catch her on the other side.

It’s too late now, her inner voice whispered.

“Shut up.” She hissed back.

9:32 am – subject takes out the garbage…

************************************************************************************     “So, how’s it going?” Tony asked from the monitor, head tilted to the side. The connection wasn’t the greatest, static crawling across the screen and pulling at his outline, but his voice came through clearly enough.

“I’m bored.”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Dude, why do you think everyone else passed?”

“I know, I know, it’s just…”

“Too much time to think?” Tony offered quietly.

Lev exhaled heavily. “Yeah.”

“I know all about that.” Tony continued softly. Usually at this point he would lead Lev into talking about her issues, not start baring his own demons.

“You too?” Understanding hit her like a truck. “Wait, your parents too, right? I forgot about that.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t walk in on my mother having a psychotic break, but they’re both gone.”

“And Bucky…” she couldn’t finish, shocked that she’d managed to put away this detail and forget it for so long.

“No, The Winter Soldier.” Tony clarified. “I’ve made my peace with that, HYDRA killed my parents, not that lovesick sap I see dragging his sorry ass around the compound all day.”

“Wait, what? Dragging his ass around? He’s got Lilly now.”

“Not anymore. Not sure what happened, but she left a couple weeks ago… not long after you took off, actually.”

“Huh.” Lev pondered this, her confusion deepening. What the hell did that mean? Was it just no fun fucking his girlfriend anymore without Lev standing there watching? “And you just decided to mention it now?”

Tony smiled faintly. “Today’s the first time you’ve even mentioned his name too, kid.”

“Touché…. Wait, you just needed me to stay here and finish the job!”

“Why? Would hearing about Lilly leaving make you want to come back and talk to the guy?” Tony challenged evenly; brow raised.

Shit… it did, didn’t it? That’s exactly what she was steamed about, wasting her time here instead of falling on her knees in front of Bucky and begging for his forgiveness. Still, she hated to let Tony know he was right, he could be such an arrogant prick sometimes. “So. What if it did?”

Tony snorted again, chuckling. “You two, Jesus Christ… Still, I’d appreciate if you could stay a bit longer out there.”

“You owe me, Stark.”

“I do? You volunteered, and now you’re trying to bail? Tough, kid.”

Lev stuck out her tongue, chafing mildly at this responsible adult nonsense.

“Brat,” Tony commented mildly. “Another week, Lev. Please?”

“It’s good to hear you say please.”

“It’ll be even better if you stay there like I asked and then come back and talk to that therapist I set up for you.”

Lev clenched her teeth, debating her response. Knee-jerk told her snarl and tell Tony off, to mind his own business, she’d made all sorts of progress just talking with him, but a deeper part of her knew it was time, she needed to confront and drain this wound, she couldn’t let it’s poison taint her life any further. “Yeah, okay.”

“Don’t sound so damn happy. I’m paying top dollar to keep the best grief counselor on the East Coast on retainer.”

“Thanks.” Lev injected true appreciation in her tone and his expression softened.

“Brat.” He repeated fondly. “I gotta go, talk to you in a couple of days, alright?”

“Yeah,” Lev replied softly, offering a real smile.

*************************************************************************************    Lev tried not to hurry, jostle the pack on her back and maybe make too much noise. Nobody was following her, that much she was sure of, but she’d managed over fifty days of surveillance without being discovered and didn’t want to disrupt her streak. Nearing two months in a depressing tenement in a dying Eastern European town had been all sorts of boring, staring out through faded old curtains to the building across the narrow alley, but she’d managed and now it was time to go home. Tony was waiting, with a quinjet, at a site a dozen miles out and Lev was eager to see the man again.

He’d passed on her messages to the team, for Lev had left so furtively and quickly that she hadn’t told anyone else, not even Steve, and he’d relayed their messages back due to the constraints in their communications, but she was eager to see Stark, hell, anyone, in the flesh again. There was only so many games of Solitaire you could play on a dingy tabletop as you kept one eye on the window and Lev had discovered that limit long ago.

But… Bucky.

She still hadn’t spoken to him.

She’d not told him she was leaving; hell, he probably hadn’t even pulled out of Lilly yet by the time she was heading for the jet and there’d been no message from him in the ones Stark had relayed, not that Lev had expected any.

He probably hoped she didn’t come back, and a part of Lev was tempted. But no, she was a part of the Avengers, whether he liked it or not, and she could function as a member of said team even if she no longer had any meaningful contact with the Winter Soldier again. She’d have to figure out a new strategy for when her nightmares tore her from sleep and there would be no more Bucky to save her, as well as what she was going to do now when his nightmares echoed down the halls and she wanted to run to comfort him, but that could be solved easily enough. She could switch floors, sleep with earplugs or just plain gut it out, go cold turkey until the impulses faded, until Steve or Sam or, most likely, nobody’s presence took the place of comfort and support when their mutual nightmares grew to be too much in the dark.

But she’d miss the softness of his voice in the dark as her heart raced, miss the gentle way his hand would stroke across her forehead, thumb rubbing at her cheekbone; his bright, earnest eyes locked on hers as he talked her down, helped her match her gasping breaths to his steady ones.

She’d miss the way he’d cling to her when he was trapped in his own hells. The faint tremble in his massive frame that would start to cease, begin to relax as soon as he sensed her touch, the way his arms would band around her and hold her close, his body wrapped around hers like a shield but his face buried in her neck like a child’s while he grounded himself again. The way he’d murmur her name over and over again like a mantra, soothing himself back to sleep or, more likely, to the faint drowsy, dreamy, pillow talk stage, laying next to each other for hours as night died, talking about everything and anything that seemed too fragile to hold up and not shrivel under day’s harsh glare.

How had she thrown all that away? How had she not seen what everyone else apparently had? Actual physical love and sex had been about the last boundary they’d had, they’d been intimate and close in every other way possible and yet Lev had deluded herself into thinking, no… into telling herself stubbornly, that it was only friendship, that the way she’d sometimes catch Bucky gazing at her were nothing, only projections of the way she sometimes would watch him.

What a fucking idiot.

Christ, she was going to take a hellacious long bath when she got back to the Compound and compose a doozy of an apology to match her depths of remorse.

She glanced at her GPS, saw the jet was mere dozens of feet away now, in a clearing so well hidden she, even so close, still couldn’t see and picked up her pace. Hopefully, Tony brought some of those Cow Tales caramels she was such a whore for like she’d asked.

Pushing through the last break of trees, Lev paused, just admiring for a moment the stark (tee hee) splendour of the sleek jet amidst the woods. With a muted hiss, the ramp descended, and Lev turned her attention to the pilot.

“Tony-” her voice died in her throat.

[tabloidtoc]

OK, March 8

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Bruce Springsteen

Page 1: Big Pic -- as part of Coach's latest campaign Jennifer Lopez posed with a supersized pink version of their new Pillow Tabby purse

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Chris Harrison gone for good? The Bachelor host's future with the show remains uncertain after his controversial interview with Rachel Lindsay

Page 6: Since the start of his career Justin Timberlake has endured his fair share of scandals but after welcoming his second son with wife Jessica Biel over the summer and celebrating his 40th birthday, he is confessing that he feels immense guilt about the past and he won't be making the same mistakes in the future -- Justin's done some soul-searching and accepts that he's wronged a lot of people over the years with his own terrible mistakes and he says he's still a work in progress, but step one has been to stand up and admit he's hurt too many women -- in addition to a boozy night out with his Palmer costar Alisha Wainwright in 2019 and his part in the now-infamous Nipplegate incident with Janet Jackson at the 2004 Super Bowl, Justin recently came under fire again due to the documentary Framing Britney Spears which showed him exploiting his breakup from Britney Spears to help his solo career -- Justin's learned from his mistakes and has a lot more sensitivity about the impact of his actions on other people and that's the big difference between the Justin of today and his old, immature self and that self-awareness was evident in an emotional statement that he posted apologizing to both Britney and Janet for the errors in his ways -- his words drew praise from his wife Jessica who says he's come a long way as a husband, a father and more importantly, a human being

Page 7: Wendy Williams is on the prowl for a new man and he's got to be husband material and she is ready for a serious commitment -- Wendy's been staying up until all hours of the night checking out guys online and on exclusive dating apps and she wants someone age-appropriate, fun, kind, independent and of course has no history of cheating -- she's feeling very optimistic and even buying new perfume and clothes and jewelry for all the dates she hopes to have once lockdown lifts

* Texas native Matthew McConaughey is seriously considering throwing his hat in the ring to become the state's next governor -- he's been putting out feelers to see if he's got sufficient support and if enough donors are willing to write checks, he'd mount an aggressive run in 2022 -- he's already gotten the thumbs-up from his wife Camila Alves and their three kids -- at this point, he needs to see an actual path to winning because he's not interested in just making a protest statement; don't be fooled by his aw-shucks attitude, Matthew means business

* Now that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is coming to an end, the hunt is on for a new family to replace the clan and one reality pro is poised to nab the prize: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Lisa Rinna -- there's already been talk about Lisa picking up the torch and her family is camera ready, consisting of husband Harry Hamlin, and their daughters Delilah Hamlin who's dating Love Island's Eyal Booker and Amelia Hamlin who's dating Scott Disick

Page 8: Things keep going from bad to worse for Armie Hammer -- he was forced to drop out of his upcoming movie Shotgun Wedding with Jennifer Lopez after direct messages he allegedly sent to women in which he described himself as a cannibal and detailed disturbing sexual fantasies were leaked online -- Armie was also fired by his talent agency WME and now the disgraced star may get cut from his new film Next Goal Wins which has already been shot -- he's radioactive and everybody knows it and his completed but unreleased work is getting a second look as studios want to do damage control, and that includes another of his finished projects Death on the Nile where his part could end up on the cutting room floor -- he's a pariah now and it's hard to see how he's ever going to come back from this

* Jennifer Aniston has always had a spiritual side but these days she is taking things to a whole new plane -- Jen has surrounded herself with psychics and has been doing Goddess Circles with the same group of close friends for 30 years, but now she's taking courses to learn to heal herself and be her own guru -- BFF Courteney Cox has been a big influence and Jen's learned a lot from Courteney, who's had a long-term interest in mediums, astrologists and horoscopes, and she's trying to fuse it all together into her own brand of spirituality -- Jen's had a lot of time alone, which has only deepened her questions about the universe and how she can make the most of her life and she's determined to find the answers

* Princess Eugenie is over the moon after welcoming her first child, a baby boy with businessman husband Jack Brooksbank but now the new mom is torn about taking time out from her royal responsibilities -- Eugenie would love to take a long break from everything and focus solely on raising her son however she knows deep down how much she's needed, especially since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are showing no signs of coming back -- as she weighs her options, Eugenie is looking to her multi-tasking cousin-in-law Duchess Kate for some inspiration because she's impressed by how Kate is able to juggle her official duties while raising three young kids

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars captivate in enchanting puff-sleeve numbers -- Bel Powley, Aubrey Plaza, Lupita Nyong'o

Page 11: Kaitlyn Dever, Lucy Boynton, Margaret Qualley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Hilary Swank vs. Madeline Brewer, Bella Hadid vs. Devon Windsor, Alison Brie vs. Dua Lipa

Page 14: News in Photos -- Tayshia Adams and her fiance Zac Clark felt on top of the world when the visited the Empire State Building together

Page 15: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend were inseparable while out and about in Beverly Hills, Bill Murray and NFL player Larry Fitzgerald Jr. were among the many stars to shoot their shot during a charity golf tournament in Pebble Beach, Rita Ora performing on an episode of the U.K. show Dancing on Ice in Hertfordshire

Page 16: At the Australian Open Serena Williams came out on top during the fourth round, Bachelorette alum Jordan Kimball and fiancee Christina Creedon couldn't wait until they got home to enjoy Candy Pop popcorn's new Peanut M&M's flavor from Sam's Club in Houston, Heidi Montag spent the day hitting the slopes at Lake Tahoe

Page 17: Hailey Bieber starring in Beyonce's new Ivy Park x Adidas collection

Page 18: Brody Jenner had a blast snow tubing while shooting the second season of The Hills: New Beginnings in Lake Tahoe, Avril Lavigne stepped out with her new boyfriend Mod Sun for a romantic dinner in West Hollywood

Page 20: Justin Bieber looked like he'd just hopped out of bed in a sweater and checkered fleece pants in L.A., Robin Thicke in front of a piano in L.A.

Page 21: Steve Martin doubled up on face coverings on the set of his new project Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Michelle Obama on her new show Waffles + Michi, Cardi B spoiled herself with high-end goods during a day of shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills

Page 22: Brooke Burke romancing with boyfriend Scott Rigsby on Valentine's Day, Lucy Hale accessorized her look with her newest rescue pup Ethel in L.A., Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon masked up for a snowy outing in NYC

Page 24: For Galentine's Day Vanessa Lachey snacked on macarons and sipped on wine in L.A.

Page 25: Bella Hadid alongside models Mayowa Nicholas and Heejung Park in Michael Kors' new campaign for the Spring 2021 collection, Hugh Grant stepped out for some fresh hair in London, Sofia Vergara kept it casual during a visit to a pal's house in Beverly Hills

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley's Rocky Mountain retreat

Page 28: Marriage isn't easy especially during a global health crisis but for Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard divorce is not an option -- Kristen said she and Dax at the start of the pandemic were at a point in their marriage where they definitely needed a little therapy brush-up and every couple of years they're being very antagonistic towards each other and they don't want that so they go back to therapy and figure out how they can serve their team goal better and it's been incredibly helpful and even in the toughest times they always have each other's back and they're committed to being each other's biggest support systems -- while their relationship may never be perfect, they're happy and love each other and that's what matters most

Page 29: Now that Tom Brady has won his seventh Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, he has set his sights on the next prize: baby No. 3 with wife Gisele Bundchen -- they've been telling friends they hope to make an announcement by summer at the latest and Tom and Gisele have been super loved-up since leaving Boston and moving to Florida after the QB signed on with the Bucs and the change of scenery has worked wonders on their love life and put them in baby-making mode -- the duo, who recently bought a $17 million spread on Miami's exclusive Indian Creek Island, plan to build a luxury mansion there complete with a nursery and they hope to be all settled in when the new arrival comes -- they've never felt healthier or been happier

* Aaron Rodgers looked positively giddy when he revealed he had a fiancee, Shailene Woodley at the NFL Honors, but the QB is dreading the next step: bringing her home to meet his parents because it's no secret that Aaron's been estranged from them for years and the last thing he wants is for Shailene to get caught up in the drama -- Shailene wants Aaron to clear the air with his folks, but he's not ready to do that and he doesn't want to bring Shailene into a toxic environment

* It's only been two years since Miranda Lambert married Brendan McLoughlin but she's already itching for some alone time -- she's headed to Texas in April for her first concert in over a year and she's told Brendan he shouldn't come because it will be all work and no play but she really wants to get away from him for a while and after the pair's recent road trip together, Miranda is desperate for some space -- sometimes Miranda feels like she's living with a baby because Brendan whines and complains about life on her farm

Page 30: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's romance is heating up fast, so much so that she's practically handed over the keys to her Calabasas estate and she loves having Travis sleep over and sometimes he'll stay the whole weekend -- he gets along famously with her children and Travis has been a friend of the family for years, so the kids have pretty much known him their whole lives and they'll do fun stuff together like hiking or playing video games and Travis loves making breakfast and showing off his pancake-flipping skills --Travis is spending so much time at Kourt's place that he's moved a bunch of his stuff in to make it easier for his kids Landon and Alabama with ex Shanna Moakler to visit him there -- everyone's convinced they'll be living together full-time before you know it

* Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were met with a flurry of well-wishes after they revealed they're expecting baby No. 2 -- the couple decided to wait until Meghan was safely into her second trimester to share the news and they only told a handful of family members before the public and they wanted to cherish this secret for as long as they could -- Harry and Meghan have been nesting at their Montecito mansion and have been busy prepping the nursery and making sure it's eco-friendly with energy-efficient lighting and they're keeping it as plastic-free as possible

* Love Bites -- Clare Crawley and Dale Moss reunited, Kit Harington and Rose Leslie welcomed a baby boy, Paris Hilton and Carter Reum engaged

Page 32: Cover Story -- Bruce Springsteen's private world -- he's an open book in his songs, but here's Bruce's untold story of his struggles with depression and regret -- he still has dark thoughts from time to time but therapy and medication have helped a great deal

Page 36: Stars' Cheating Confessions -- sometimes all you can do is beg for forgiveness; these celebs have all had to plead their case -- Donny and Debbie Osmond, Jude Law and Sienna Miller, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith

Page 37: David Letterman and Regina Lasko, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, Kevin Hart and Eniko Parrish

Page 40: Interview -- Elizabeth Olsen -- the Avengers star dishes about getting witchy again for Marvel's mind-bending WandaVision

Page 42: Golden Girls -- how these Golden Globes nominees get their award-worthy figures -- Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicole Kidman, Lily Collins

Page 43: Kaley Cuoco, Michelle Pfeiffer, Amanda Seyfried

Page 44: Aadila Dosani's vegan recipe for Chickpea and Potato Soup

Page 46: Style Week -- Ashley Graham is the new global brand ambassador for self-tanning label St. Tropez

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- create a naturally gorgeous, flushed look with fashion designer Jason Wu's namesake makeup collection

Page 49: Haute hippie retro jeans -- take a trip back to the '70s with Revice Denim's ultra-cool capsule, Los Angeles Lovers -- Delilah Belle Hamlin

Page 50: Flower Power -- floral prints are spring's hottest trend -- rock the pretty blooms for a fresh, boho-chic look -- Kaia Gerber

Page 52: DIY Blowout -- these foolproof finds deliver impeccable hair right at home -- Drew Barrymore

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A with Mary Fitzgerald of Selling Sunset

Page 58: Buzz -- after months of playing it coy, these celebs confirmed their relationships on Valentine's Day -- Scott Disick and Amelia Hamlin

Page 59: Vanessa Hudgens and Cole Tucker, Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green, Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Halsey on not conforming to conventional beauty standards, Anderson Cooper on coparenting with his ex, Ashley Graham on the importance of self-care, Kate Winslet on feeling like a fish out of water in Hollywood

Page 61: Tom Holland on the plot of the next Spider-Man flick, Mila Kunis joking about keeping her family entertained during quarantine, Drew Barrymore when asked if she's ever been skinny-dipping, Madelaine Petsch on playing a teen in Clare at 16

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Lupita Nyong'o turned 38 on March 1

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Riz Ahmed

[hopewritcs]

the prodigal sister. seven.

pairing: familial byers fam x reader, romantic paring tbd

word count: 3.3k

summary: y/n is the middle sibling of the byers brothers. she’s just ten months younger than jonathan, making the pair “irish twins”. except when her father and mother got divorced, lonnie got custody of y/n and took her away from the rest of the family.

notes: chapter SEVEN YES HELLO ! so this fic is probably going to follow a somewhat au of season three as i get closer to that point, cause in the timeline for tps we’re in february right now.  i haven’t decided how much of the canon events of s3 i’m going to keep, or how long this fic will wind up being because though i have it plotted out roughly, i started this before we had a season 3 to work with.  so i’m doing the ideas i had and attempting to bring it back to canon someways too.  

other chapters: masterlist

tps tag list: @irreleventmoonchild, @rockyrocket15, @the-fae-child, @bucky4cap45, @pinklyrium,@girlycakepops, @qtmeryr, @noodlebread303,@virtualsheepeat,@acidrain707, @trashblackrainbow, @sadhwstudent, @unprofessional-inhumanbeing, @laneygthememequeen, @wanna-be-idle, @smh-writings,  @httpakasha, @jdogjdyke, @potter-thinking, @svelby-g, @a-dorky-book-keeper,  @and-drew-101 ( if you wanna be added to the tag list just let me know ! )

The following school day was going by slowly for everyone, or at least that’s how it seemed.  Y/N felt like that one Monday morning in particular had gone on for at least a whole day, and she was only halfway through her history class.  There was still a lot of time to kill before the lunch bell would ring and she was lazily taking notes and not even really paying much attention to what was going on in the classroom.  

Tapping her foot against the floor in the classroom, her hand holding the pencil was much more interested in making small doodles over the notebook paper than actually taking any notes.  Y/N would have to ask someone for their notes another time.  

She should have been sleeping better, but the adjustment from the couch to her new bed had proven difficult to get used to.  Maybe it was because she was used to the dormitory beds and having a roommate, and while being in a room of her own brought a sense of security and calm it also took away all the background noises of the house in general.  When she’d been sleeping on the couch Y/N could hear doors opening and closing in the middle of the night and she was grounded in the small reminder from those noise that she was home.  

But sleeping in her own room, with the door closed, the sounds of everything else around the house ceased to lull her to sleep and Y/N was struggling to adapt to the silence her own room proved to have.  

If she didn’t get out of the classroom and walk around or something she was surely going to fall asleep on her desk, mid-doodle of a flower on the page and no notes.  And that wasn’t the impression she wanted to leave on the class, especially when she’d not been at the school for too long.  

Excusing herself from the class had been an easy one, she’d feigned a headache and left the room for the nurse’s office.  Her backpack was slung over one shoulder as she made her way past the front office unnoticed.  Thankfully, the secretary had been too busy on the phone and had her head turned toward the ashtray on the counter, lighting up a cigarette with her free hand.  Y/N was grateful and quickly walked past, going outside.  

She took in a deep breath once she was outside, looking around at the cars parked in the lot.  Unfortunately even if Y/N was outside, she didn’t have a way to leave the school.  Joyce had taken the car to work after dropping the kids off at the school that morning, leaving Y/N with no way to escape the school grounds.  Not that Hawkins was a big town and she couldn’t walk somewhere she would want to go from the high school, but it was a little too cold for her to actually do that.  

“Skipping class Byers?”  

She turned her head towards the voice and found Billy leaning against the side of the school building with a lit cigarette dangling out of his mouth.  For the winter morning, Billy wasn’t wearing anything more than a denim jacket, left open and his button up shirt underneath had the top four buttons undone.  

“Aren’t you cold Hargrove?”  Y/N replied, shaking her head as she descended the staircase and walked over to where he stood.  Unfortunately, she didn’t have her sweater with her since she’d put it in her locker that morning when she got to school, not foreseeing leaving her class early.  She leaned up against the wall, dropping her backpack to the patch of grass that wasn’t covered in the melting snow and turned to look at Billy.  

“Aren’t you?”  he asked, waving a hand at Y/N and looking her up and down.  

She shook her head, “Nah, you forget that I’m from here and used to the cold.”  Sure, her sweater would have made her a bit warmer, but the short sleeved shirt didn’t really bother her in this weather.  If it were actually cold enough to snow, then maybe.  Or if she’d grown up someplace warmer, maybe it would have bothered her to stand outside without “appropriate” winter clothes.  But the chill, the slight kick in the wind causing moving her hair around and the fabric of her shirt to bellow slightly, did nothing but remind Y/N that she was home.  

“Right.”  Billy said, taking a long drag of his cigarette and letting the air blow out afterwards.  His head rested comfortably against the school building and his eyes lulled half closed as he looked out into the parking lot.  

This was how most of their interactions went back in California.  A couple lines of chatter bookended long stretches of silence.  But it was comfortable, Y/N had never felt pressure to fill the silence when she was with Billy--neither of them did.  With other people there could be a bit of anxiety if there wasn’t a constant conversation, but Y/N understood that she didn’t need to fill the air with unnecessary chatter.   Though there had been a couple of times when they had longer conversations, which had been late night chats during secret parties at the boarding school or after game parties, but they were few and far between.  

“What class are you skipping?”  they both asked after a long stretch, and it made Y/N laugh softly and she could see the tug of a smile pulling at Billy’s lips.  

“History.”  she replied.  

“Math, I think,” was Billy’s reply which made Y/N raise her eyebrows at him.  He shrugged his shoulders lightly as he answered the silent question, “I’ve been out here for a while.”  

“Do you even go to class?”  

“I go to athletics.”  

“That doesn’t count as a class, it’s an elective.”  Y/N scoffed out an airy laugh as she pushed herself off of the school building and stood in front of Billy.  “Aren’t you supposed to graduate this year?”  

“Supposed to do a lot of things.”  Billy said, tossing his finished cigarette down on the ground and stomping it out. 

With that motion Billy effectively ended that part of the conversation, huffing out a breath of air as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.  He didn’t say anything else for a while and Y/N didn’t push the conversation even if she had a couple of questions that she wanted to ask.  

The next couple of days Y/N had been looking out for Billy.  The conversation stuck in her head and she wanted to know what he meant by it.  But every time she saw Billy over the school days he was either with the idiot she’d punched the first day she’d been at school ( who always looked at her like she was a bad stink he couldn’t escape ) or he was flocked by girls who clearly wanted to get in his pants.  She could tell that he wasn’t particularly interested in the conversations she could catch between him and some of the girls--most of them either talked about the upcoming Valentine’s Dance the school was throwing, Tina’s After Valentine’s Party, or something like going shopping.  Y/N caught him rolling his eyes a couple of times when she’d overhear the conversations and it almost made her laugh.  

She did however spend her study hall period with Steve every day.  Whoever got to the library first would pick out a table for the two of them and they would speak quietly while they worked.  They mostly kept up the conversation because Steve couldn’t keep his mouth shut even if he was studying.  At first, especially given their first study hall period together, Y/N was annoyed and found herself almost leaving the table and finding some place new to sit.  

But she never did.  

It was while they both did homework or studied for tests that Y/N got to know Steve.  She learned about his home life ( “My parents are gone a lot.  Dad’s office is in the city and Mom visits him most weekends.” ) and his old habits ( “Used to be on the basketball team until everything.  I kinda forgot about college applications with all the bullshit, so I’m looking for a summer job now.” )  and the fact that Dustin had gotten him interested in Star Wars ( “That shithead wouldn’t stop talking about it so I roped myself into a marathon with him and I have to say I don’t hate it.  But don’t tell him that.” ).  

She had to admit, Steve Harrington was quickly becoming one of her favorite people in Hawkins.  

She looked forward to their study hall period about as much as she looked forward to drama with Robin.  Robin, who had no idea about the supernatural element Hawkins had, was definitely becoming Y/N’s best friend.  Robin may have been in the same grade as Billy and Steve, so the pair didn’t have any other classes together except for their drama elective and their lunch period, but Robin had come to join the lunch table with Y/N, Jonathan, Nancy, and Steve.  Robin seemed to have a resentment for Steve that Y/N didn’t understand and quietly noted how Robin wouldn’t speak when Steve spoke and focused more on Y/N or even Jonathan and sometimes Nancy.  

Y/N made a quiet note to ask Robin about that the next time they were hanging out outside of the school walls where no one would interrupt them.  Or overhear it, if it was something bad.  

“So is anyone going to the Valentine’s Day parties?”  Robin asked at the lunch table, looking up from the school bought lunch tray and shrugging her shoulders.  She was trying to include everyone in the conversation, which Y/N appreciated.  She still hadn’t had the chance to ask Robin why she seemed to dislike Steve.  

“Oh, Jonathan’s taking me to the drive in!”  Nancy said with a giddy smile, giving Jonathan’s arm a light squeeze when she looked at him.  “And then we’re having that party for Y/N this weekend.”  

Nancy had said it so casually that Y/N could have brushed it off.  But she watched as both her brother and Steve hung their heads and sighed at Nancy’s comment and how the brunette was looking between the two of them with a confused what did i do expression on her face.  

“Party for Y/N?”  Robin asked before Y/N got the chance to do so.  

Jonathan muttered something quietly to Nancy that, if Y/N heard it correctly, sounded a lot like “Good going Nance.”  Then he turned to face the rest of the group.  “I was going to invite you later today, Robin.”  Y/N caught Steve shooting a glare at Nancy, who had finally realized her misstep as she gasped and muttered a soft apology under her breath.  “It’s Y/N’s birthday the day after Valentine’s, so we’re having a party at the house for her.  It was supposed to be a surprise.”  

“I’m so sorry, Y/N!”  Nancy said with widened eyes, shaking her head.  

“It’s okay, Nance.”  Y/N replied with a shrug of her shoulders, taking a sip from her can of new coke.  “I mean, I love how everyone thinks it was a surprise.  Mom can’t hold a surprise party to save her life.  You think I didn’t notice the decorations she’d picked up from Melvald’s after her last shift?”  She laughed at the comment, rolling her eyes.  She loved her family, for the first time in a lot of years she was genuinely excited to celebrate her birthday ( for the first time she was actually having a party, other than the year prior where Natasha had thrown a quick dorm party with some store bought cake the girls had all chipped in for ).  

She watched as Jonathan deflated, he hadn’t realized she’d seen the decorations before he’d been able to help their mother hide them in the back closet.  After a couple of moments he nodded his head.  “We thought it was a good idea.”  

Y/N put her hand on her brother’s shoulder as she grinned, “It’s such a good idea.  I’m gonna love whatever the surprise party is, even if it’s not exactly a surprise!”  

And with that comment the conversation was dropped, but Robin did happily agree that she would be there.  

It was Wednesday, the day before Valentine’s Day, and Y/N found herself leaving her first class of the morning halfway through.  It was a big class and the teacher rarely paid attention when he was there ( there was a substitute today, who seemed more interested in primping her hair than the class ) so it was an easy one for her to sneak out the back door of.  

She went outside and sunk down on the front steps, taking a breath.  Everyone in the class with the sub had been talking about their Valentine’s plans and Y/N just didn’t want to listen to it all.  Maybe if the class had been doing some actual work she would have stayed, but it didn’t matter.  Which is what she told herself when she looked up into the parking lot.  

“Y’know, all that time I knew you, I really thought you were a class going goody goody.”  

Y/N turned her head to look at Billy when he announced himself as he walked over to her and took a step beside her on the school’s steps.  

“Apparently I was wrong.”  

She ignored his comment and looked at him, “Did you just get here?  The school bell rang like fifteen minutes ago?  Oh, that’s right.  You only go to athletics.”  Y/N laughed.  

Billy chuckled at her comment, pulling his pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and tapping it to get one out.  “I don’t only go there.  But if i did, it’s ’cause it’s the only one that ain’t boring.”  

“It’s an elective, it’s not supposed to be boring.”  

“And what elective are you taking?”

“Drama.”  Which caused Billy to laugh quickly as he eyed her.  She knew they’d talked about this before--how she loved theater but hated acting in it.  Y/N always called herself a behind the scenes personality.  “Don’t laugh at me, jock,” she nudged his arm with her own as she let out a small chuckle, “I’m not on stage, there’s like twenty other people in the room.”  

“Sounds like Hawkins is changing you.”  Billy commented.  

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”  

The conversation lulled between them into a competitive silence for a couple of moments as Y/N’s comment hung in the air between the pair.  Billy’s gaze almost dared her to look away and her’s was screaming prove me wrong.  

Neither of them budged or spoke again for a couple of moments.  The competitive air soon dissipated and became the same comfortable air they’d both grown to know in conversation.  They looked away from each other, Y/N opening up her backpack and Billy leaning back against the stairs and looking up at the sky.  After a while the pair started talking again.  

“Did you see the banner they put up for the Valentine’s Dance?”  Y/N asked, talking about the bright pink and heard filled banner that hung right in the entry way for the school.  It even had a countdown until the dance and a dangling heart that reminded everyone don’t forget to buy a rose for your Valentine! secret admirers welcomed!  

Billy snorted, turning his head to look at her.  “It’s hard to miss.”  

Y/N nodded.  “You going?”  

Billy puffed out some air and shook his head, “Valentine’s Day isn’t my thing.”

“I’d say I’m shocked but.”  And Y/N trailed off with a chuckle, rolling her eyes at his comment.  Even if she didn’t know him well, she could tell it wasn’t his “thing”--he didn’t seem like the celebrating holidays or romance type.  “Does that mean you didn’t say yes to any of those girls I saw you talking with about the parties?”  

“Why, do you wanna be my special valentine, Y/N?”  Billy asked, looking up at her from under his eyelashes that he batted at her.  He was egging her on and she could tell, but she couldn’t help the flush of heat pricking her cheeks at his words.  

“Uh, no thank you.  I’ve got plans of my own.”  

“What?  Babysitting?”  

“No.”  Y/N grumbled, crossing her arms as she looked out at the parking lot before turning her gaze back on her friend sitting beside her.  She could tell he didn’t really believe her.  “Seriously, no.  It’s my birthday so my family and everyone’s throwing me a surprise party this weekend.”  

“Is it a surprise if you know about it?”  

“I’m going to pretend to be shocked for my mom, she worked hard for the party since it’s the first one I’ve been home for in years.”  Y/N nodded her head and looked over at Billy.  She couldn’t tell if he said anything else or if he was just moving the dimming cigarette around ( he had in fact muttered something under his breath along the lines of “must be nice” and he appreciated that she didn’t comment on it ) so she continued anyway with a light tap on his shoulder.  “You should come by.  It’s Saturday at like five or something.”  

“Don’t think they’d appreciate it if I showed up.”  

“It’s my party and I can invite whoever I want.”

The conversation lulled once more as Billy tossed the cigarette down on the ground and lit up another.  She didn’t get an answer from him, and she almost wanted to ask again.  Which Y/N would have, if she didn’t think that Billy would make a sarcastic comment about her inviting him to the party.  

So she let it slide and they fell back into a nice silence with a couple of comments every couple of minutes.  The pair could hear the bell ring in the background, but neither of them moved to go back inside the building at any point.  

Which was something that Billy did comment on, “Aren’t you missing class?”

“Aren’t you?”  Y/N hummed her response, tapping the book in her lap that she was reading for her English class.  

It had gotten cold sometime in the point they’d been outside, and she was sure the lunch bell was going to ring soon even if she wasn’t sure how long they’d been outside.  It was definitely more than the first period, since she’d seen a couple of classes going outside to run the track.  Y/N had been rubbing her hands against her arms for a short while now, the cold air getting to her after being outside this whole time.  

“I thought you midwesterners had immunity to the cold.  Ain’t that what you told me?”  Billy laughed at her motion.  Y/N turned her head to look at Billy, and she was about to come back with a witty response ( she’d had one on the tip of her tongue ) when he shrugged off his denim jacket and put it on her shoulders.  

The bell rang.  

“Don’t say I never gave you nothin’.”  

And with that, Y/N watched Billy get up and walk down toward the school’s fields where she assumed he would be meeting his friends for lunch.  He didn’t look back at her, but she couldn’t tear her gaze away from his retreating figure, his curly hair moving in the breeze as she pulled her arms through the jacket he’d left her with.  

Y/N ignored whatever she thought, and wondered ( dared to hope, even ) if she’d be seeing Billy at her party that weekend.  

[letterboxd]

Endgame.

“I think audiences are so smart now, so they require to not be fed the same drivel as even 20 minutes ago.” —Robert Downey Jr.

The cast and filmmakers behind the most anticipated release of the year talk to Letterboxd, without actually saying anything specific about the film. (But we don’t mind.) This article contains mild Infinity War spoilers.

Although there are going to be many, many more of them, Avengers: Endgame can’t help but feel like the climax of the grand Marvel movie experiment; the culmination of the shared universe first suggested by a delightful post-credits teaser in 2008’s Iron Man.

Since then, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has come to dominate the modern blockbuster with hit after hit, year after year. Then came last year’s Avengers: Infinity War, with its devastating cliffhanger in which many Marvel protagonists evaporated into dust. That epic act of character disintegration built an anticipation for the follow-up that allowed the filmmakers to apply incredible restraint in the film’s marketing. Indeed, all we really know about Avengers: Endgame is that we don’t know anything.

Marvel head honcho Kevin Feige announced that there would be nothing in the trailers from beyond the first twenty minutes of the film. That is unprecedented in modern blockbusters, which center their campaigns around the major action set-pieces, usually dutifully showcased in teasers and trailers to the point where we complain we’ve already seen the film.

In the modern marketing-saturated film-going environment, to go into a film of this size and not be aware of which direction the story is heading, or what the major action scenes will be, is an almost impossible task.

Feige and co-directors Joe and Anthony Russo are to be commended for using their accumulated powers for good in this regard—not since Gone Girl has a major studio film shown such restraint. Heck, they didn’t even let press see the movie before we sat down with Feige, both Russos and the (currently officially alive) cast members of the film (pretty much the original Avengers team) in downtown Los Angeles this week.

Read on for the low-down on the Avengers’ best Boggle player, Natasha Romanoff’s evolution from “sexy secretary”, and the scene that had Robert Downey Jr. “more shredded than a julienne salad”.

Front row, left to right: Danai Gurira, Jeremy Renner, co-director Anthony Russo, Chris Evans, co-director Joe Russo, Brie Larson and Mark Ruffalo. Back row, left to right: Karen Gillan, Paul Rudd, Scarlett Johansson, Marvel Studios president/producer Kevin Feige, Robert Downey Jr., Don Cheadle and Chris Hemsworth during Marvel Studios’ ‘Avengers: Endgame’ press conference in Los Angeles.

Letterboxd: Filmmakers are known to tinker with blockbusters until the very last minute, honing in on what audiences respond to in the teaser material. That’s obviously not the case here, since you held back so much in the film’s trailers. How did this lack of advance audience feedback impact the filmmaking process, if at all? Anthony Russo (co-director, the taller brother): Look, at the end of the day, my brother and I, we came to this material because we’re fans. We grew up loving the comics. We came to the MCU already fans of the MCU. So the energy we move on is our own passion and our own excitement, and that’s how we tell stories. We learned long ago that you have to tell stories for yourself. You can’t be thinking about how others might receive them.

So for Joe and me, because we have such an intimate relationship with the material, because we have so many amazing collaborators—starting with Kevin [Feige, producer]—we are able to really fashion the story around what we want to see as fans. How do we surprise ourselves. How do we excite ourselves? How do we challenge ourselves? How do we force ourselves to keep digging deeper and keep exploring this narrative and these characters in ways we never imagined? That’s sort of how we guide ourselves through the process.

And once the film is complete and we put it out into the world, we really have no idea how it is going to be received. Once that complete film is experienced and digested and responded to, I think that’s the moment where we are then filled up with a reaction. But as we’re executing, once we conceive the film and start executing, we’re not really second-guessing what we’re doing. We’re really focused on chasing the initial vision that we had for it.

On how the Russo brothers are feeling now that they are near the end of the journey: Joe Russo (co-director): This is, I think, a really unique experiment in movies, this grand mosaic. Depending on how you count it up, eleven franchises… have been interwoven into one big narrative, and I think a lot of people have invested a lot of heart and soul into the characters. When we take these movies around the world, it’s really heartwarming to see people come up to you and say “hey, I started watching this with my classmates when I was ten years old—now we’re all 21 and we’re all going to go see this together” or “my parents have taken me to every movie” or “my grandfather has taken me to every film”. It’s a real sense of community and sharing in these stories and believing in them. And I think with Endgame, we get the opportunity to finish off one of the grandest experiments in movie history and bring it to, as Kevin said, an epic conclusion. So what we’re hoping for is that people feel satisfied with the conclusion.

‘Avengers: Endgame’ co-directors Joe Russo and Anthony Russo.

On what it’s like to join the Marvel Cinematic Universe at this critical moment: Brie Larson (Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel): I mean, stressful, now that you put it like that. I’ve felt kind of chill. But now I’m scared. So I hope you guys did a good job. I came at just the most magical time I think. To come exactly at this ten-year anniversary, and really, my first introduction to everyone was the ten-year photo, which was a really remarkable and special day. And super surreal and also like not allowed to [be talked about]. So the whole thing has always felt like a dream.

This film will always be personally dear to me because it was my first time playing Captain Marvel. We shot this first. So I had to stumble and try to figure out who this character was with no script for this and no script for Captain Marvel either—and perform for the first time in front of legends. But it was incredible.

As big as it is, it still feels like a bunch of kids. Just like what I was doing over summer break, making movies in my garage. There is still this sense of wonder and play and encouragement—and of course this film deals with some heavy subject matter. So you’re bouncing in between things that feel very deep and serious, and then we’re going off and playing Boggle. Which I am very good at. Just to be clear.

There is no other word I can describe it as other than surreal. And I’m super excited for this to come out. Mostly just so that I can talk about it. I want to be able to talk about my experience, which I haven’t been able to do for a very long time.

On connection to his fellow Avengers: Mark Ruffalo (Bruce Banner/Hulk): It doesn’t feel like family to me because we all really get along well. There’s not that much drama. It does feel like family. It’s a family that you wish you had in a way. I don’t know if you could tell, but it’s a little bit different press conference than the last time. It has a little bit sort of sadness to it. We’re all talking about like we’re dead. I loved working with these guys. It was great knowing them. They were great Boggle players.

There is something very bittersweet about this moment, because as actors, we’re like vagabonds. We kind of bounce around. We have these intense relationships. And then you don’t see anybody until you get nominated for something or you’re nominated in something and you end up in an award ceremony.

Chris Evans (Steve Rogers/Captain America): What’s that like? Speak for yourself.

MR: Well. But like, this is the closest thing that any of us really have to—unless you’re in several franchises—it’s the closest thing you have to continuity and friendships and watching people grow up and have children and get married and then get divorced and then get remarried.

On how Captain America’s leadership role is affected by the presence of other leaders like Black Panther and Captain Marvel: CE: I think he tends to lean on those people who are of like mind and nature, who kind of are intrinsically selfless. I mean, all the heroes up here have their baked-in-the-cake flaws. And I think a lot of that makes for really good conflict in storytelling. That’s why my favorite stuff in this arc has been my stuff with Downey, because [there is] such a dichotomy between how we approach things. But at the end of the day, our hearts are both in the right places. It provides a lot of great friction. By introducing characters like Captain Marvel and Black Panther, people who also align very similarly to Cap’s nature, it reinforces Cap’s sense of purpose and home. It’s an environment that… feels more natural for him. It’s nice to see the certain pockets where he feels at peace and the certain pockets where he feels his buttons might be getting pushed.

On the evolution of the franchise’s female roles: Scarlett Johansson (Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow): Initially, the character really started as a sort of sexy secretary with a skill-set on the side. Posing as. And we didn’t know, or I certainly didn’t know how the audience would react to the character, my interpretation of the character. And obviously a very beloved character for a long time. Then the next time that we saw her in Avengers, she was sort of one of the boys for better or worse. And that made sense then.

I think the fans and the audiences have really pushed, certainly Marvel, but pushed all the studios and filmmakers to really throw up on the screen what represents what’s going on in the zeitgeist and wanting to see diverse films and casts that represent their own aspirations and how they feel. I feel the character has sort of grown in reaction to that. And the movies have really grown in reaction to that kind of fan encouragement.

I remember when Lizzie [Olsen, Scarlet Witch] signed on. Cobie [Smulders, Agent Maria Hill] was there. We were all clinging to each other… I felt like I had been in this testosterone fest for such a long time, it was so nice to see other female cast members. And then with Brie [Larson] coming on and Karen [Gillan, Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy] and Danai [Gurira, Okoye from Black Panther]. I’m amongst so many wonderful actors, so many strong actors, and it’s just grown beyond my wildest dreams. I could never have imagined where this would take us. And all of us. It’s been quite a journey.

On how Robert Downey Jr. felt while filming the now-iconic scene in which Spider-Man (Tom Holland) fades away at the end of Infinity War (“Mr Stark, I don’t feel so good”): Robert Downey Jr. (Tony Stark/Iron Man): I just love the lighting in that scene. I look so shredded. I was more shredded than a julienne salad, man. No. I make a lot of faces. I need some help in the editing. It was one of those moments. “This is the most serious thing that’s happened since you were nine. Now don’t F this up.” And I remember the brothers were there. I think we re-staged it once or twice. Anyway. It was crazy to shoot it. But it was just another day. But then I think seeing it—I happened to see it with this amazing kid, this Scottish kid who couldn’t go to a theater—I saw it with him and his reaction really f’ed me up.

So I think what a lot of us are looking forward to—like Kevin always says—is that it’s a surprising, delightful experience with Endgame. It’s one of those things where you go “Wow, I think we just made a pretty serious choice here”. But I think audiences liked that. I think audiences are so smart now so they require to not be fed the same drivel as even 20 minutes ago. It’s like we need novelty. And I think that what the Russos and Kevin have been able to do that is provide that in spades.

On what’s been special about Chris Hemsworth’s journey with these films: Chris Hemsworth (Thor): Well, just to echo something you were saying before, Anthony, about the first time that the Marvel Universe came into my universe back in Australia: I was sitting there, and I would have been just straight out of high school and watching Iron Man and thinking the same thing. Thinking “Oh my god, imagine. I wish I could be a part of that world”. And then a few years on, getting cast in it as Thor and having the opportunity to embark on this thing, and at the time I thought, was this film even going to make it past DVD? Or make to the cinemas? Or was I going to be re-cast and all those sort of questions.

I think the answer to the question, what made it so special for me was just the different people I was able to work with. From Kenneth Brannagh—that first film was really sort of completely in his hands, and he was basically willing to do whatever it takes and wherever he needed me to go for the character—and then through the films with each director and each different cast member, I would learn something different from them.

And by Ragnarok, I felt like I finally had enough sort of confidence to go “Okay, what is it that I could possibly bring to this?” And then have this great collaboration with Taika [Waititi, director]. We really decided to do something different to see how we could make it unexpected and unique. And then I had been calling Joe and Anthony and saying look, I’ve got this new version of Thor that we’ve just shot. And I want to continue that version. I don’t want to do the old version. And they said we’ve got an even newer version for you.

It’s just about the people that’s made it so special and I think unique each time with any of our characters. The fact that we’re all willing to be open to what new possibilities lie ahead of these franchises and these characters. It’s been a pretty remarkable journey.

‘Avengers: Endgame’ opens in Australia and New Zealand on 24 April, and in UK, US and other regions from 25 April. Reporting by Letterboxd West Coast editor Dominic Corry.

[isitandwonder]

Here’s my totally subjective review of Beautiful Boy. I saw it on Saturday at LFF.

Beware, it will be looooong, full of spoilers and highly personal.

Long story short: to me, that movie is amazing. Not (just) because of Tim but because of... everything (okay, that part sounds cheesy af but even that wasn’t as bad as I thought from the trailers). And I say that as someone who went in there without any expectations at all - or maybe expecting a glossed over tear-jerking American family drama.

I was wrong.

I have to admit, for the first few minutes, I couldn’t see any chemistry between Steve and Tim. It all seemed a little forced and I was ‘Okay... just as you thought...’ - but then the film started to pull me in.

Let me address a few points I saw that people didn’t like.

The editing

I didn’t care about the time jumps. Maybe it was good I knew about them in the first place. But this story isn’t a linear one, so to me it’s fitting that the narrative moves kinda in circles, that sometimes you don’t know at which point of the story you are - as Nic and David surely didn’t know either. Had Nic recovered? Would he relapse? What was before? What came after? You never know at which point you are in your own life, and movies and books just superimpose such a structure (beginning-middle-end) for the sake of being more easily followed. But that’s not the point of this film. There’s not really a beginning, we are dropped into it - and there’s no end (or the end is totally open). Just like It’s with addiction: where does it come from, does it ever end?

The Music

Yes, in many scenes, the music doesn’t seem to fit - or isn’t what you would expect. There’s a lot of noise (MOGWAI!!!) that plays during scenes that look like they would usually be accompanied by much quieter songs. To me, that was an expression ot the inner turmoil and stress of the characters that you don’t see at the surface. Maybe not the most sophisticated technique, and certainly not new. But it worked for me (and I like those bands).

And playing Nic’s music in David’s scenes to me felt as a form of bringing their stories together because the film is based on both their books.

Does it gloss over addiciton?

I haven’t read the books so I can’t say how accurate the film portrays what Nic and David tell. I’ve heard that Nic hustled. That isn’t shown in the movie. It is told more from David’s pespective, for example, you don’t really see how Nic lives when he’s not home, how he gets the money for drugs. But is that really necessary? Haven’t we all seen enough junkie movies to know what it’s like? Do we have to see all the squalor? They said it’s a story about recovery, not about misery. It worked for me how they did it.

You see the bodily manifestations of drug use. Track marks. Tim is very thin. He almost can’t walk at one point. You also see the physical consequences of withdrawel. But the movie doesn’t bath in this pain and misery. Again, I’m okay with that. Instead, it tries to show a way of dealing with addiciton, with relapses. Not curing it, but dealing with it.

That movie achieved for me what many others didn’t (and I’ve seen a lot, from Christiane F. to Drugstore Cowboy or My Own Private Idaho) - BB really showed me the bigger dangers and perils of drug use. Many other films who attempt to do that end up kinda glorifying getting high - at least to me - by evoking a certain junkie chic. Not BB. Despite not being that graphic, at least I didn’t want to smoke a spliff afterwards. Maybe that’s because a) the film shows more than the self-destruction of one person and b) the film is not outright anti-drugs?

For example, there’s a scene in which Nic and David smoke a joint together. David tells his son he did/does take stuff from time to time. The problems are not drugs in this movie. The issue addressed is why people take drugs, why some become addicted to them, and how their families can deal with that. One thing this movie shows you is that  addicts are trying to treat their problems by consuming (illegal) substances.

But let me first address a) (and now it’s getting personal but that might explain why I’m really still not over this movie and why it spoke to me the way it did): My father literally drank himself to death. I know what addiciton can do to a family. In the film, there’s a scene in which Nic’s little stepbrother asks why Nic can’t be there for a special event. He wants to call him. And his parents say no. This is what addiciton does: it destroys so much more than just the addict. There’s a little boy missing his brother, not understanding what’s happening. He will feel rejected, lost. Maybe he’ll be angry at his parents because he doesn’t understand why they do what they do. The parents will feel bad for stopping contact between the brothers but it had to be done. Sometimes it’s your duty as a parent to protect your kid even when you know whatever you do will cause some trauma. You can just chose between bad options and hope you pick the less bad one.

I’ve been that kid. I’m also a parent now and would do the same they did. This is how I can connect with the movie. Why it affects me.

There’s another scene in which David tells Nic he can’t help him anymore. He tells his ex-wife if Nic dies so be it. He takes Nic’s pictures off the wall. This is the fucking hardest decision a parent can make: cut one child out of your life because you have responsibilities for others as well; because you have to help those who you can help instead of tearing up over trying for someone who can’t accept your help. Again, only bad options. Again, one has to hope chosing the less bad. One has to live with the consequences, whatever they are. Because there’s the real possibility that the person you leave behind dies. How to live with that?

I’ve seen people make such choices. I’ve seen my mother make such a choice re my father, the love of her life. She divorced him because he destroyed our family and she had to protect us children.

I don’t have words to say how much I admire people who make such tough decisions and live with them. I don’t know if I had the strength to do it - but I know that sometimes it has to be done. Watching the movie, this part really spoke to me and my experiences.

Now to b): BB doesn’t focus on the addiction as such. Addicition is just seen as a way to medic something else, something that’s lacking. So, on one level, the movie is about the why? It tries to explain that addicts try to find a way to deal with their underlying issues but that this way often is a very unhealthy option. But it also states that the why isn’t at the forefront for relatives and friends, it’s for the addict to understand or search.

Do you know this void that needs to be filled inside you?

Western capitalistic society tells you to fill that by consuming, shopping, buying stuff, acquiring money. But if that is not enough for you? If that doesn’t fill the emptiness? Well, some find sport, religion... and some do drugs. To feel more. Or less. It’s always highly individual what exactly should be achieved by getting high. But I think that void is something felt by anyone prone to drugs. The want for more or different... and the hope that the right drug fulfils that. Which it sometimes does, for a while. Drugs can help. Until they don’t anymore. That point of no return is different for everyone. Some can stop - others can’t. Maybe because they don’t see a reason to stop? Because what would be there if they did? Back to the shitty life they wanted to escape from? I think that’s the main reason why many relapse. Being addicted can be pretty shit but living sober doesn’t have to be much better either.

I’ve taken all sorts of drugs. For real. What’s called hard drugs. Never on the level that Nic did but I got drunk the first time I was 11 and graduated from there. I know how good it feels. I know how hard it is to stop. I know I’m not over it, that if someone would chop me a line I very likely would take it. I know one needs a reason to stop and stay sober - and that destroying oneself isn’t a good enough reason to stop.

I found reasons. I found other ways to fill that void but that doesn’t mean I would never do drugs anymore. And maybe that’s why I understood how Nic felt, why he relapsed again and again and it didn’t feel repetitive to me - but true? Why I could connect to this story and it felt like something that has to do with myself and my life.

Yet another story about a privileged white boy

True.

But, sadly, it’s from those privileged families that we get such accounts of addiction. They have the time, ressources and capacities to reflect their experiences and share them. People who are less fortunate simply lack the time and ressources to write books about their lives and addictions (especially in countries where education depends on how much money your family has).

I find it interesting that Nic identifies so strongly with Bukowski in this context - who wasn’t privileged at all. So Nic, despite all the material wealth he grows up in, emotionally feels like the outcast Bukowski felt.

And this leads to another aspect: accounts from privileged people/families show that it can happen to everyone, everywhere. It makes such stories more accessible. Money, education, a loving family, good intentions - sometimes nothing can prevent the descent into addiction. Why? No idea. Everyone is different.  Some need to fill the void or numb their feelings despite having had a loving upbringing - some grow up in hell and turn out fine. Is there a use in asking why? Does it make sense to compare different lives and see who had it worse?

I don’t think so. It is what it is, and as the why is sometimes so irrational to others that it doesn’t make logical sense anyway, only for the person addicted, it’s more important at first to deal with the actual behavior of the addict. To accept the addiciton, not to deny it. To accept that you or a person that takes drugs is like that. And that it’s no one’s fault. No one’s guilty.

Radical concept. Don’t wallow in the why. Don’t look for blame. It never helps. Try to live with being addicted so it’s the best possible life for everyone concerned. Accept the ups and downs. This is in contrast to the self-improvement thrown in our faces all the time in our society, demanding that we: Get smarter! Get thinner! Get more successful! Get richer! These expectations cause so much pressure, especially in adolescents. Which some treat with drugs.

For me, that’s the message of the movie. Accept that people are not perfect, that lives are not perfect. That you don’t have to be perfect. On the other hand, even when everything looks bleak, never give up hope to lead a content life.

As a parent and someone affected myself, those 3Cs the parents in the movie come to accept at the end are so wholesome when faced with issues like addiction or other mental health issues in friends or family :

I didn’t cause it

I can’t cure it

I can’t control it

It’s hard work to accept that, to let that truly sink in. But so important.

That’s what I took away from this movie, why it touched me the way it did, as someone who has experience with these issues as a relative, as someone directly affected, as someone prone to addiction, as someone who has a son who might at least be vulnerable to this kind of self-medication. If it’s different for you - great.

The acting

All actors and actresses in the movie helped me to immerse myself in it and feel what I described above. I’d never seen Steve before except in memes but he’s so good imo. Not over the top, but nuanced in his desperation and helplessness. Mother and step-mother are both believable and genuine. The kids are soooo good. As is Tim. Very subtle. Quiet. Many scenes work without dialogue, or the dialogue plays directly against what’s really going on. But you get it as a viewer.

There are so many scenes I’d love to write about! The beach scene! Or when Nic comes back late and David demands a drug test. The slow erosion of trust that threatens to implode the family and how that lack of trust reinforces Nic’s self-destructive behaviour. Another vicious cycle, only to be broken by those 3Cs above.

But I stop here now. Sorry for rambling but I had to get these things out.

No, sorry, I have to mention one last thing: Nic has a sticker or something on his wall that shows a street sign that says ‘Beatles Platz’ (Beatles Square). That square is in my hometown! And it’s a reminder that the title of the film and book comes from the John Lennon song ‘Beautiful Boy’ (Lennon wrote it for his son Sean):

Life is what happens to you While you're busy making other plans

True!

Watch this movie if you can. There are many good reasons to do so.

[cosmicgrapevine]

So, Tabby’s parents, Steve and Rita, are divorced, and in my rewrite of chapter 2 I’ll need to figure out the exact circumstances. I don’t have much IRL experience with messy horrible relationship drama, which is a handicap. For starters, I need a good reason for Rita to get custody: she’s a semi-functional pill addict with sporadic employment, so Steve needs something roughly that bad that kept him from getting custody. I’m thinking either anger issues/abuse (might be too cliche) or some white-collar crime thing. Steve ran some kind of small business, a construction firm or something, and one idea I had is that he was originally a straight-shooter small-business type from the suburbs who got pulled into some money laundering scheme or something because he didn’t know any better. But that also feels kinda lame. Really stuck here.

 The whole point of the divorce backstory is that they both were more interested in tearing each other down than providing for their daughter. (I could just say the system favors moms inherently but that’s the sort of thing people would bitch about I think)

But then, also I need Steve to be someone Tabby is willing to call and confide in, because that kicks off the whole story. She calls him from the safehouse and, through the power of poor communication, Steve starts to think that his ex-wife and Melanie’s dad are sleeping together, and the wounds from the divorce are still fresh enough that he decides to go there and shoot him, maybe both. Also, Randall manipulates him into doing it.

Randall is Steve’s BIL now, not brother. Randall still has a sketchy past, possibly terrorism, possibly whatever money-laundering scheme Steve got caught up in. After the divorce, Randall was one of the few to defend his BIL, and cleaned up his act enough to get a job at whatever Steve’s new line of work is, after Steve lost his house and business license. Either way, Steve calls Randall to see if Rita told him anything about a new lover, and Randall spins a tale of infidelity and betrayal that causes Steve to get angry enough to confront them.

However, Randall is only looking for a distraction so he can enter the hotel, find the (future plot events redacted) and turn into a demon to fulfill his contract with the bad guys, and nab Lynd.

There’s more I could say here but I’d appreciate some feedback on which route(s) sound more promising and whether Steve and Rita’s backstory sounds dramatic enough without being corny, and whether that all sounds reasonable as motivation for Steve.

[fletchermarple]

Quick Review of the True Crime Books I read in 2017 (Part 1)

Review of books in 2016 Part 1 and Part 2 

Review of books in 2015

One of Us: The Story of a Massacre in Norway -- An its Aftermath by Asne Seierstad: You can tell that this well researched book has the signature of an experienced investigative journalist like Asne Seierstad. The novel offers a very clear and engaging account of the 2011 Norway massacre, in which Anders Breivik killed 77 people, most of them teenagers, as a misguided stance against multiculturalism, which he felt was ruining his country. Using Breivik’s own writings, police records and witness’ interviews, Seierstad builds a fascinating and deep profile of a perpetual loser with delusions of grandeur. At the same time offers, without judgment of her own, an interesting look into the mind of a mass murderer. Breivik might not be a school shooter, but you can certainly make some connections to them. The author alternates Breivik’s life story with that of two of his victims, which helps put a clear face to that horrendous death toll. I can only assume she chose those two because their families were willing to talk to her, but to be honest, their stories are very ordinary and she makes them look like perfect kids, so the chapters focused on them are not as compelling. But this is definitely a must read for anyone interested in true crime and especially in mass shootings.

JonBenet: Inside the Ramsey Murder Investigation by Steve Thomas: This book was frustrating, both because of what’s happening in the story and also because the obvious bias of the author makes it difficult to look at the case with any perspective but his own. Thomas was one of the main investigators in the early years of the JonBenet Ramsey case, and is very clear about his belief that her parents, John and Patsy, are responsible for her death and staged the crime scene, and he has some decent arguments to support that staging. The problem comes when he has to explain how and why the murder happened, then his theory falls short. This has always been my issue with the Ramsey case: there’s just not one theory that fully makes sense. Thomas’ opinion (he’s very fond of the “In my opinion” phrase) is that Patsy accidentally killed her during a fit of rage because she had wet the bed, but I just don’t see it. And while pushing that forward, he ignores other variables and suspects (Burke just doesn’t exist in his vision). He’s very adamant about the Ramseys avoiding police and getting special treatment (which in itself is no evidence of guilt), but he’s very vague about, for example, whether JonBenet had a history of sexual abuse. He mentions clearing “hundreds of suspects” for the intruder theory, but doesn’t say who or how. Thomas details the way that the DA’s office kept meddling in favor of the Ramseys, to the point that they are likely the main reason why this case went unsolved (along with some mediocre police work, no matter how Thomas tries to embellish it), but the problem is that his frustration with that --that eventually led him to quit not just the case, but the whole police force-- colors pretty much everything he has to say. He comes across as so angry and bitter, that when I finished I felt that I was missing a big part of the story he just didn’t seem willing to tell us. Bottomline, this is a fundamental read in the JonBenet saga but it would be a mistake to consider it an absolute truth and must be read with a healthy touch of skepticism.

Bitter Remains by Diane Fanning: I like reading books about crimes I have absolutely no prior knowledge about, and that was the case here. The novel, written by one of the big american names in the true crime genre, tells the story of Laura Ackerson, murdered by her ex, Grant Hayes, and his wife Amanda. The story is extremely tragic and gruesome, with the book focusing on the victim’s troubled life and how she was managing to overcome her problems and make a better life for herself and her two sons when she was killed at only 27. Fanning does her best to present us with all the context about the case, but she doesn’t pretend to be understanding or sympathetic with the two killers, especially Grant who seems to be one of the most despicable people you’ll ever read about. This book really lays down in all its horror how human life holds so little value to some people.

For Laci by Sharon Rocha: I thought a book couldn’t get more heartbreaking than Sue Klebold’s A Mother’s Reckoning, but I was wrong. Sharon Rocha’s grief over the loss of her daughter Laci --who disappeared while heavily pregnant on Christmas’ Eve of 2002, only to be found five months later, her body decapitated-- grips you through the pages and squeezes your heart. In Sharon’s words, Laci comes alive as a likeable, cheerful woman who made the world a better place. On the other hand, her husband Scott Peterson, currently in death row for murdering her and their unborn son, is portrayed as a callous, cold and narcissitic individual who would rather end his wife’s life than deal with a messy divorce or be tied down by a kid. As you can imagine, Sharon’s presentation of the case is the same as the police’s and prosecution’s, and it’s the version I believe. The circumstancial evidence against Peterson is too overwhelming, and tied together builds a stronger case than any DNA sample without context could ever make. Sharon describes Laci and Scott’s relationship and his growing distaste of the idea of becoming a father, and also her own struggle when she started to realize that the son in law she was publicly supporting was guilty (on a side note, Scott’s parents are particularly terrible, at least in Sharon’s eyes). Unless you somehow believe that Peterson is innocent, this is a very poignant and touching read.

Illusion of Justice by Jerome F. Buting: This book was written by one of Steven Avery’s defense lawyers, who also happens to be my favorite character in Making a Murderer. Here, he explores not only the behind the scenes of the Avery trial, but also other cases of his stellar career and why he believes the justice system is broken. And he succeeds in making you understand why there can't be real justice if the process to convict someone isn't clean. The author talks a lot about his own life, which I found quite interesting, particularly the cancer that almost killed him. He’s a man of strong convictions who’s worked hard to improve a flawed system. I was expecting more revelations about the Avery case, and he does sheds some light on what was going on that we didn’t see in the documentary (I especially love his jabs at unethical prosecutor Ken Kratz), but nothing truly shocking. He clearly believes in Avery's innocence, although he doesn’t say it outright. Instead, he focuses on explaining why his arrest and trial was a miscarriage of justice. And he has a point. There’s also a segment in the last part in which he addresses frequently asked questions and misconceptions that people have about the case (for example this confusion about “sweat DNA”). He also devotes plenty of time to talk about another big case of his, the one of Ralph Armstrong, who spent almost 30 years in jail for a horrible crime he didn't commit. If you enjoyed Making a Murderer and are interested in the judicial aspects of true crime, this book is for you. It's very informative, told in an easy, fluid narrative.

The Innocent Man by John Grisham: As a big fan of courtroom dramas, I love most of John Grisham’s stories (A Time to Kill is among my favorite novels, period). I was excited to check out this, his first non fiction story, which focuses on Ron Williamson, a mentally ill man and drug addict who, along with his friend Dennis Fritz, was sent to death row for the horrific 1988 rape and murder of Debbie Carter. DNA testing cleared them both 11 years later. All the elements are there: a fascinating case of wrongful conviction, the mystery of who the real killer was (although the book makes it pretty obvious from the start), the fight to make justice. But I have to admit I was underwhelmed by it. There was something very tedious about the way Grisham decided to write it, and I think part of it isn’t really his fault, it’s just that Ron Williamson is not an interesting character, aside from being wrongfully accused, and the big chunk of his story that makes up for the first half of the book really made me lose interest. 

Similar Transactions by S. R. Reynolds: Ever heard of Larry Lee Smith? I hadn’t before I read this book. He’s a serial rapist who most likely also murdered 15 year old Michelle Anderson in 1987, although that case is still officially unsolved. This book is the effort a woman called Sasha Reynolds to shed some light to Michelle’s case and to tell the story of Smith, an unrepentant predator who went back to attacking women every time he was released from jail. Halfway through the book, Reynolds inserts herself in the story but in the third person. She explains she did it so she wouldn’t mess with the narrative, but it felt a little weird to me. She, however, doesn’t put herself at the center of the story and makes the victims the protagonists. Because of the nature of the crime, in the wrong hands this book could be too graphic or sensationalist, but Reynolds is very careful and respectful without hiding the horrors all these women went through. In times when sexual abuse is on the frontline news, this books really shows the way such stories should be covered.

Overkill by Lyn Riddle: Despite that ghastly cover, that makes this novel look like a cheap thriller, the book is a serious attempt to cover in excruciating detail the senseless murder of Laurie Show. In 1991, the 16 year old was beaten and stabbed by Lisa Michelle Lambert, who had started harassing her because Laurie briefly dated her boyfriend Lawrence Yunkin while the two were separated. Yunkin and a friend of Lambert, Tabitha Buck, also actively participated in the crime and the three of them were convicted for it. Lambert, a master manipulator that would put Jodi Arias to shame, said that the police framed her with the murder to hide the fact they had gang-raped, and managed to convince a judge to overturn her conviction. He even went as far as to forbid the state from re-trying her. That was eventually scratched, and Lambert went back to jail where she’s staying for good. It’s a long and complicated legal process, and the main problem of this book is that it goes so deep into it, it becomes incredibly boring. Even for someone like me, that likes the trial part of any case, it was almost impossible to go through. The book has good elements, like a nuanced portrayal of all the characters involved, but it’s so repetitive and exhausting that I just can’t bring myself to recommend it.

[aion-rsa]

Disney+ UK Star Launch: Complete List of New TV Shows and Films

https://ift.tt/2P7STsN

We came for The Mandalorian, stuck around for WandaVision, and, as we wait for The Falcon and Winter Soldier and Loki to arrive, there’s now a huge pile of new catalogue additions to work through, courtesy of Disney Plus’ Star brand.

Star launched on the Disney Plus streaming service in territories outside of the US (where Disney already has a home for adult drama in Hulu) on the 23rd of February. It’s added over 75 TV shows and 280 feature films here in the UK, including the entirety of Lost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files, Glee, Prison Break, Sons of Anarchy and Scrubs as well as cult favourites Firefly, Flashforward, Terriers and more. There are also some UK debuts in the form of the Star Originals listed below.

Film-wise, there’s ample reason to go back to the 90s in the form of Arachnophobia, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Con Air and a host of others, plus…well, it’s almost 300 films. Chances are you’ll find something to tickle your fancy. Households with kids should know there are new parental controls to set too, ensuring that nobody gets any unwelcome surprises.

Here’s the complete list of titles so far:

Star Originals

Big Sky

From Mr TV himself, David E. Kelley (Doogie Howser, Chicago Hope, Ally Mcbeal, Big Little Lies) comes a nine-part crime thriller starring Ryan Philippe and Vikings‘ Katheryn Winnick. Based on the 2013 novel The Highway by C.J. Box, Big Sky is the story of a series of missing girls and a private detective/cop trio with a messy personal history who team up to find them. It aired on ABC in the US last winter.

Helstrom

There’s very little fanfare for this comic book show‘s UK debut, which met with mostly negative reviews on release and was cancelled after 10 episodes, but Marvel completists will want to take a look. Tom Austen and Sidney Lemmon play the Helstrom siblings Daimon and Satana, the children of serial killers who hunt down the worst of humanity.

Love, Victor

Another Hulu original making its UK debut, this teen drama spins off from celebrated gay teen 2018 film Love, Simon. It’s narrated by Nick Robinson, who played Simon in the original film, and follows the story of a Puerto-Rican/Colombian-American teen living in Atalanta. Reviews for the 10-part first season were strong and it’s been renewed for a second.

Solar Opposites

Rick and Morty‘s Justin Roiland and Star Trek: Lower Decks‘s Mike McMahan are the creators of this adult animated comedy series about a family of aliens (pictured above) forced to seek refuge in middle America. Season one was enthusiastically received, and a second run is due to air in the US in March. Read plenty more about it here.

TV Series

According To Jim, Seasons 1 – 8 Alias, Seasons 1-5 American Dad, Seasons 1-16 Animal Fight Night, Seasons 1-6 Apocalypse World War I, Season 1 Apocalypse: The Second World War, Season 1 Atlanta, Seasons 1-2 Blackish, Seasons 1-5 Bloody Tales Of Europe, Season 1 Bloody Tales Of The Tower, Season 1 Bones, Seasons 1-12 Brothers & Sisters, Seasons 1-5 Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1-7 Buried Secrets Of WWII, Season 1 Burn Notice, Seasons 1-7 Castle, Seasons 1-8 Code Black, Seasons 1-3 Cougar Town, Seasons 1-6 Desperate Housewives, Seasons 1-8 Devious Maids, Seasons 1-4 Drugs, Inc. Seasons 2-7 Family Guy, Seasons 1-18 Feud: Bette And Joan, Season 1 Firefly, Season 1 Flashforward, Season 1 The Fosters, Seasons 1- 5 The Gifted, Seasons 1-2 Glee, Seasons 1-6 Grey’s Anatomy, Seasons 1-15 The Hot Zone, Season 1 How I Met Your Mother, Seasons 1-9 Inside North Korea’s Dynasty, Season 1 The Killing, Seasons 1-4 LA 92 Lance, Season 1 Lie To Me, Seasons 1-3 Lost, Seasons 1-6 Mafia Confidential Maradona Confidential Mars, Seasons 1-2 Modern Family, Seasons 1-8 O.J.: Made In America Perception, Seasons 1-3 Prison Break, Seasons 1-5 Raising Hope, Seasons 1-4 Resurrection, Seasons 1-2 Revenge, Seasons 1-4 Rosewood, Seasons 1-2 Scandal, Seasons 1-7 Scream Queens, Seasons 1-2 Scrubs, Seasons 1-9 Sleepy Hollow, Seasons 1-4 Snowfall, Seasons 1-3 Sons Of Anarchy, Seasons 1-7 The Strain, Seasons 1-4 Terra Nova, Season 1 Terriers, Season 1 Trust, Season 1 Ugly Betty, Season 1-4 Ultimate Survival WWII, Season 1 Valley Of The Boom, Season 1 Witness To Disaster, Season 1 WWII Bomb Hunters The X-Files, Season 1-9 The 2000s: The Decade We Saw It All, Season 1 24, Season 1-9 24: Legacy, Season 1 The 80s: The Decade That Made Us, Season 1 9/11 Firehouse The 90s: The Last Great Decade? Season 1 9-1-1, Season 1-2

Read more

TV

WandaVision Episode 7 Theories Explained

By Kirsten Howard

TV

Gina Carano Was Fired from The Mandalorian, But Should Cara Dune Live On?

By John Saavedra

Films

The 13th Warrior 42 to 1 9 to 5 Adam (2009) The Air Up There The Alamo (2004) Anna And The King Annapolis Another Earth Another Stakeout Anywhere But Here Arachnophobia Australia Bachelor Party Bad Ass Bad Company (2002) Bad Company (Aka: Tool Shed) Bad Girls (1994) Bad Times At The El Royale Baggage Claim The Banger Sisters Be Water Beaches Before And After (1996) Belle Beloved (1998) The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Best Laid Plans Big Trouble Billy Bathgate Black Nativity Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation … Boys Don’t Cry Braveheart Breaking And Entering Bringing Out The Dead Broadcast News Brokedown Palace Broken Lizard’s Club Dread Brothers In Exile Brown Sugar Bubble Boy Bulworth Bushwhacked Can’t Buy Me Love Casanova (2005) Catch That Kid Cedar Rapids Chain Reaction Chasing Papi Chasing Tyson Choke The Clearing Cleopatra (1963) Cocktail Cocoon: The Return Cold Creek Manor The Color Of Money Come See The Paradise The Comebacks Commando (1985) Con Air Conan The Barbarian Confetti Consenting Adults A Cool Dry Place Cousin Bette Crazy/Beautiful Crimson Tide The Crucible Cyrus Damien – Omen Ii The Darjeeling Limited Dark Water Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008) The Day The Series Stopped Day Watch Deadpool 2 Dead Presidents Deceived (1991) The Deep End Deep Rising Deion’s Double Play The Devil Wears Prada Devil’s Due Die Hard 2 Die Hard With A Vengeance Double Take Down And Out In Beverly Hills Down Periscope Dragonball: Evolution Dreaming Of Joseph Lees Drive Me Crazy The Drop Duets The East Ed Wood The Edge Encino Man Enemy Of The State Enough Said Evita Exodus: Gods And Kings The Fab Five (2011) Far From The Madding Crowd (2015) The Fault In Our Stars The Favourite The Final Conflict Firestorm (1998) The Fly (1986) For The Boys Four Falls Of Buffalo French Connection II The French Connection From Hell Gentlemen Broncos A Good Day To Die Hard Good Morning, Vietnam The Good Son (1993) A Good Year The Grand Budapest Hotel The Great White Hype Grosse Pointe Blank Guilty As Sin Gun Shy The Happening Here On Earth High Fidelity High Heels And Low Lifes Hitchcock Hoffa Holy Man Hope Springs (2003) I Heart Huckabees I Love You, Beth Cooper I Origins I Think I Love My Wife Idiocracy In America In Her Shoes Independence Day Independence Day: Resurgence Inventing The Abbotts Jennifer’s Body The Jewel Of The Nile John Tucker Must Die Johnson Family Vacation Jordan Rides The Bus Joshua Just Married Just Wright Kingdom Come Kissing Jessica Stein Kung Pow: Enter The Fist Ladyhawke The Ladykillers (2004) Last Dance (1996) Le Divorce The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou Live Free Or Die Hard Looking For Richard Mad Love (1995) The Man From Snowy River Margaret The Marine Marked For Death The Marrying Man Martha Marcy May Marlene MASH Max Payne The Maze Runner Medicine Man Melinda And Melinda Metro Miami Rhapsody Miller’s Crossing Moulin Rouge (2001) My Father The Hero Mystery, Alaska The Namesake Nature Boy Never Die Alone The Newton Boys Night Watch (2006) No Mas Nothing To Lose Notorious Office Space One Hour Photo Oscar And Lucinda The Other Woman (2014) Our Family Wedding Out To Sea Pathfinder (2007) Phat Girlz Phone Booth Planet Of The Apes (1968) Planet Of The Apes (2001) Pony Excess The Poseidon Adventure (1972) Post Grad Powder The Preacher’s Wife Pretty Woman Primeval The Puppet Masters The Pyramid Quills Quiz Show Ravenous Rebound Renaissance Man Revenge Of The Nerds Ii: Nerds In Paradise The Ringer Robin Hood (1991) The Rocker Romancing The Stone Ruby Sparks Runaway Bride Rushmore Ruthless People The Savages Say It Isn’t So The Scarlet Letter Sea Of Shadows The Secret Life Of Bees Separate Lies The Sessions Shadow Conspiracy Shallow Hal Shining Through The Siege Signs Simon Birch A Simple Twist Of Fate The Sitter (2011) Six Days, Seven Nights Sleeping With The Enemy Solaris Someone Like You Soul Food Spy Hard Stakeout Starship Troopers Stoker Summer Of Sam Super Troopers (2002) Surrogates Swing Kids Taxi (2004) Terminal Velocity Thank You For Smoking There’s Something About Mary The Thin Red Line (1999) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri Three Fugitives The Three Stooges (2012) Titan A.E. Tombstone Toys Trapped In Paradise Tristan & Isolde Up Close & Personal V.I. Warshawski Veronica Guerin The Village (2004) Von Ryan’s Express Waiting To Exhale Waitress Waking Life The War Of The Roses The Watch (2012) The Waterboy The Way Way Back What’s Love Got To Do With It When A Man Loves A Woman White Men Can’t Jump William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet Win Win Woman On Top Working Girl (1988) The X-Files

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The X-Files: I Want To Believe

Disney+ UK, now including Star is available for £7.99 per month

The post Disney+ UK Star Launch: Complete List of New TV Shows and Films appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[katvondworld]

Before there was Kylie Jenner, there was Kat Von D. Nearly a decade ago, the tattoo artist famous for a career in reality television and a string of tabloid-fodder relationships took her notoriety and turned it into a global beauty empire. Today, Kat Von D Beauty is one of Sephora’s most successful brands, with products that sell out in a matter of weeks and rack up tens of thousands of glowing reviews and live events that attract hundreds of fans.

Like Kylie, Kat has an instantly recognizable, highly-stylized aesthetic. It’s a combination of punk, goth, and good old-fashioned rock ’n’ roll, featuring lots of black (and lately, head-to-toe red) outfits in faux leather and kooky avant-garde shapes. Jet-black hair, red lipstick, and predilection for mismatched eye makeup have become her signatures. But she doesn’t want an army of Kat clones.

“My biggest nightmare would be if somebody came to Sephora, saw my brand, and said, ‘Oh, I want to look like her, so I’ll buy this makeup,’” Kat Von D proclaimed to an audience of beauty world professionals at the WWD Beauty Summit this summer, her first-ever appearance at a major industry event. “I think that model may work for Kylie or whoever else bases their career on vanity or some kind of superficial thing. It’s quite a gamble because that can be very fleeting a lot of times.” Despite the similarities, Kat doesn’t appreciate Kylie comparisons.

After Kat’s session at the summit was over, she mingled a bit with the suit-wearing masses and then walked downstairs in towering platform shoes, gently guided by a member of her team. “I’m very impressed by Kat Von D!” a gray-haired man said admiringly to a younger woman standing beside him.

“She’s not bound by any rules,” the woman replied.

“I wanted to get a tattoo afterward,” he said.

Tattooing is where it all began for Kat, who was born Katherine von Drachenberg. The 35-year-old is a professional tattoo artist by trade and is known for her elaborate, life-like grayscale portraits. She’s tattooed a ton of musicians and celebrities, including Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Harry Styles. She’s inked everything from the Mona Lisa to images of beloved pets on people’s bodies. It’s still something she does when she’s home in LA, though she tries to “limit it to one a day,” whereas a normal workday in her previous life would have had her seeing five clients one after another. Kat has a years-long wait list and is no longer taking appointments, in order to catch up. She recently said in a YouTube video that she doesn’t charge for tattoos anymore, preferring to do it for art’s sake.

“I feel like my name works against me sometimes, you know? People think, ‘Kat Von D, oh it's somebody that was on TV or somebody that dated somebody.’”

Kat’s own body is covered with tattoos, which you can see in zoomed-in detail in her New York Times bestselling book High Voltage Tattoo. (She has published two other books since.) In it, she models in a bikini and describes the origin of each batch of ink. She’s perhaps best recognized for the spray of stars around her eyes, a motif which shows up frequently in her beauty products. At first, she only had one star on each temple. While Kat lore has long held that the Motley Crue song “Starry Eyes” inspired at least the first few stars, in her book she says she added to them because her ex-husband and fellow tattoo artist Oliver Peck once told her to stop tattooing her face. She even has stars tattooed on one eyelid. One of her best-selling products, a liquid eyeliner, is called Tattoo Liner.

Kat was born in Mexico; she’s fluent in Spanish and identifies as Latina. Her parents are from Argentina and her father’s family originally hails from Germany. Her father is a doctor and she grew up with a conservative background as a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, where her parents were missionaries. She credits her paternal grandmother with instilling in her a love of art and music. (Kat’s a classically trained pianist and has a huge portrait of Beethoven tattooed on her thigh.) She says her father used to catch her on the floor drawing underneath the pews at church.

Kat moved to Colton, California, when she was four years old with her parents, brother, and sister. Her parents divorced years later and her mother moved back to Mexico. At 14, Kat discovered punk rock and started dating a boy named James, who was two years older and had a mohawk and tattoos. She got her first tattoo, an old English “J,” on her ankle at that time. Expanding on her interest in drawing, she started experimenting with tattooing, practicing on her friends. By 16, she had dropped out of high school and moved to Georgia with James. After three months, she moved back to California without him and started looking for jobs in tattoo shops. She secured a position at a shop near a San Bernardino jailhouse before moving to LA, where she landed a new gig every year or so and built up her reputation as a tattoo artist.

Kat didn’t become a public figure until she was cast in Miami Ink, a TLC series which documented a group of tattoo artists, their work, and the usual reality-show conflict and drama. She moved to Miami for the show, going home to LA on weekends. Kat appeared on the series from 2005 to 2007, until Ami James, the owner of the 305 Ink tattoo shop featured on the show, unceremoniously fired her. She was then promptly offered a spinoff called LA Ink, which ran from 2007 to 2011. Prior to its debut, she opened her own shop, High Voltage Tattoo, located in West Hollywood. Fans began to focus on her love life and some of the notorious men in it, like Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx, Jesse James (best known for being Sandra Bullock’s ex and wearing Nazi uniforms), and Steve-O of Jackass fame. She became a bit of a gossip column mainstay.

“I feel like my name works against me sometimes, you know?” Kat says at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel in June. She’s there for the relaunch of two perfumes, Saint and Sinner, which she’d previously released in 2009 as limited-edition products. “People think, ‘Kat Von D, oh it's somebody that was on TV or somebody that dated somebody.’ And to me as an artist, it's kind of soul crushing. It's like, oh wow, what about all my hard work and what I would love to be known for?"

Kat says she knew that people would initially focus on her brand because it belongs to “that tattoo chick.” She really wanted it to evolve to the point where the product got attention rather than the founder. It might finally be getting there. She tells a story about a young woman who approached her on an airplane and said, “Hey, aren’t you that makeup artist?” Kat corrected her, because she isn’t a makeup artist, but was happy that this fan knew her from her work in the beauty world and not from reality TV.

Kat still has her rabid tattoo fans, though. One late September afternoon at High Voltage, Ashton Williams, the shop’s merchandise manager, is wearing a T-shirt that reads, “Who the fuck is Kat Von D?,” an homage to the “Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?” shirt Keith Richards famously wore on a Rolling Stones tour in the ’70s. There are sweatshirts and tees hanging all over the shop, many featuring a red and yellow High Voltage logo, skull motif, and Kat’s name. But exactly how many people are coming in for Kat merch?

“Tons. We have tour buses that let out in front of the shop all the time. People are obsessed with her. It’s crazy,” says Williams. “We have everyone from grandmothers from England to punk rockers. Nothing surprises me anymore. Literally, you’ll have a grandmother coming in who’s 70-something years old getting tattooed and she’s like, ‘I never really liked tattoos until I saw Kat.’ We have the broadest mix of people.”

People line up at the front windows of the shop and peer in when Kat is in the shop tattooing. She tattoos in plain sight on one of the tables that’s set up in the open-plan shop. They also run around to the back parking lot, Williams says, which features a building-sized mural of Kat and the shop’s other artists, to try to catch her as she’s getting into her car.

The look of the shop — moody red tapestry wallpaper, dark wood, dripping candles, crucifixes, “heartagrams” (a pentagram with a heart shape at the top), paintings in heavy gilt frames — is cohesive with the design of the beauty brand. Kat Von D products come in black boxes featuring gothic lettering and Kat’s original artwork. Shiny black studded tubes house her lipsticks. Religious iconography appears in the packaging and is echoed in the shade names, like her limited edition Saint and Sinner palette, which looks like a stained-glass cathedral window and includes colors like Sacred Heart, Worship, and Vestment. Her brand is everything that so-called millennial beauty lines are not. There’s no soft pink, no sans serif — everything is full coverage and ultra-pigmented. To compare her to Emily Weiss, another brand founder with a reality TV background, Kat Von D is the aesthetic sinner to Glossier’s saint.

Kat has always been a makeup person. She’s worn it since she was a kid and comparesbuying beauty products to “candy shopping.” Makeup has long been another artistic medium for her and she has said the process of applying it is therapeutic. She used to collect lipsticks, telling the LA Times that she’s tried every shade of red ever made, from CoverGirl to Chanel. Though it’s unclear whether or not she ever actively aspired to create her own makeup line, Kat did tell the paper, “I went through all my favorites and said, ‘If this was mine I'd add more purple, use a different finish.’” She has a tattoo on her abdomen that spells out “Hollywood” written in red lipstick, though it’s an homage to the New York Dolls’ logo rather than an ode to that particular beauty product.

Back in 2008, Kat got a call from a Sephora executive who told her people had been inundating sales associates with questions about the red lipstick “that tattoo girl” always wore on Miami Ink. So Sephora, which at the time was producing some of its own house brands, brought Kat up to its American headquarters in San Francisco for a meeting. She told the team there that she was bored (“so fucking bored,” actually) with things she saw in stores. The brand originally launched with four red lipsticks, which almost immediately sold out. This success led to an expanded line inspired by the inks and pigments Kat uses at High Voltage.

“My goal with the makeup line was to create something with a formulation you couldn't argue with. Whether you liked me or not, the product was good.”

“Let's create high-performance, bold, highly-pigmented, long-wear shit that no one else is really doing,” Kat says she suggested to the Sephora team. “I don't think any of us really knew that it could grow into something bigger. My goal with the makeup line was to create something with a formulation you couldn't argue with. Whether you liked me or not, the product was good.”

By all accounts, it is good. Kat Von D Beauty now has over 350 products including lipsticks, brushes, and eyeshadow and contour palettes. The brand sells the products on the Kat Von D Beauty website (international shipping has been available since September) and in stores in 34 countries, 18 of which debuted in the last 12 months. It’s almost exclusively sold at Sephora. In countries where there are no Sephora locations, like the UK and Ireland, it’s available at Debenhams. While brands like MAC, Make Up For Ever, and Urban Decay were already making richly pigmented products, Kat Von D was one of the earliest beauty brands to introduce matte liquid lipsticks, called the Everlasting Liquid Lipstick, back in 2013. Again, she did it long before Kylie introduced her Lip Kits, which, yes, feature longwear matte liquid lipstick.

Sephora does not share sales statistics, but at one point, Lolita Studded Kiss was apparently the retailer’s best-selling lipstick. The dusky rose color is now available in several formulations and is one of the brand’s signature shades. You can even buy a $104 “obsession” kit that includes the original Lolita Studded Kiss lipstick, an eyeshadow, three slightly different Lolita lip liners, and two versions of the shade in the Everlasting Liquid Lipstick formula. Kat originally named the shade after the Japanese street style movement, but later dedicated it to the actress Denise Richards’s daughter Lola, according to a Kendo representative. (The two met when Richards went to get her “Charlie” tattoo — inspired by ex-husband Charlie Sheen — covered up by Kat in 2008.) It is not named for Lolita, the titular underage object of lust in Vladimir Nabokov's controversial classic.

“The color Lolita is a perfect everyday color. I literally wear it every day,” says 15-year-old Samantha, who owns three $20 Lolita tubes. A friend gave her one as a birthday gift and her mom bought her another. “Then I just came to buy another one because it’s so perfect and I love it so much.”

Samantha’s friend, Valentina, also 15, adds solemnly, “It’s a holy grail.” (Holy grail, or HG, is a common designation in the makeup community, meaning it’s a product that works best for one person’s individual needs.)

Samantha and Valentina are at the Sephora at Hollywood and Highland, the same store where Kat herself shopped for red lipstick during her LA Ink days. It’s a bit messy and disheveled, much like the crowded, touristy neighborhood in which it resides. The Kat Von D Beauty section is in a highly trafficked area at the center of the store, with tester pans worn down to the bottom and caps missing from lipsticks.

Samantha first heard about Kat Von D Beauty on Instagram, where fans frequently tag its handle; the brand has 4 million followers and Kat’s personal account has 6.4 million. Kat launched the brand on Instagram herself back in 2015, after a marketing employee (who is no longer at Kendo) scoffed that it wasn’t worth it. The account gained a million followers in one month and Kat is still intimately involved with the imagery that’s posted there, though she now has a dedicated social team.

In January of this year, Kat Von D Beauty had its highest earned media value (or EMV) ever at $42.8 million, according to Tribe Dynamics. EMV is an indirect measure based on mentions and engagement, but it does have some correlation with actual market share and revenue. Since 2015, Kat Von D Beauty has shown up regularly on Tribe’s top ten EMV beauty list, along with social-media heavy hitters like Anastasia Beverly Hills and Too Faced.

“It’s a holy grail.”

“When we think about patterns of successful brands, the thing that they tend to do really well is make great products. The large majority of this content is organic and people aren't going to give you editorial content if they don't love your product,” says Tribe’s Brit McCorquodale. She notes that in the second quarter of this year, over 4,000 influencers were talking about the Kat Von D brand online, but the majority of them were micro-influencers, with under 100,000 followers. “The fact that Kat Von D has performed so well within the influencer community speaks really highly of the products that they're creating, which is something Kendo does very well across their brands.”

Ah yes, Kendo. While Kat provides the ideas and creativity and is the very public face of the brand, Kendo is the entity behind the scenes that quietly brings her visions to life. The company is also the reason that Sephora maintains exclusivity when it comes to Kat Von D Beauty. David Suliteanu, then-CEO of Sephora Americas, started Kendo as a “private label development arm for Sephora” in San Francisco in 2010. In 2014, Suliteanu became the CEO of Kendo, which split off from Sephora as a freestanding entity; it now identifies itself as a brand incubator and credits Kat Von D as being the “seed brand” that launched it.

The luxury conglomerate LVMH is the parent company of both Sephora and Kendo. Kendo owns lip brand Bite Beauty and skincare brand Ole Henriksen, both brands it acquired. It developed Marc Jacobs Beauty, Rihanna’s just-launched Fenty Beauty, and Kat Von D Beauty. It also developed the now-defunct Sephora nail brand Formula X (a rare failure for the company), as well as Elizabeth and James fragrances, the Olsen twins’ brand, which is now under the auspices of Butterfly Beauty.

Kendo does not like to share information about its inner workings nor give any insight into its product development process, although Nancy McGuire, the vice president of product development for Kat Von D Beauty and Ole Henriksen, does sometimes share sneak peeks of products on her Instagram page. Kendo declined to make anyone from the company available for interviews for this story. Instead, they sent email responses which included information taken verbatim from Kendo’s site and the review section of Sephora’s site. A representative did share that “Kat Von D Beauty is among the top-selling brands in all of our retailers, and our products consistently rank as top performers in each category.”

Social media definitely catapulted Kat Von D Beauty into the stratosphere, but its steady success happened in parallel with Sephora’s. It’s impossible to dissect the causality: Did Sephora help Kat Von D or did Kat Von D help Sephora? Yes and yes. Sephora, since it shares a corporate parent with Kat Von D Beauty, naturally seeks to heavily promote the brand, a situation non-LVMH brands are not too pleased about. And as Kat Von D Beauty becomes more ubiquitous on social media, there’s only one place a fan can walk in and try it: Sephora.

Sephora is the number one global beauty retailer, and number two in the US after Ulta. In 2009, it had over 1,000 stores worldwide. Today it has 2,300. According to a recent New York Timesstory, Sephora has doubled its revenue since 2011; a Fung Global Retail & Tech research reportestimates the retailer made between $4.4 billion and $4.9 billion in the US last year alone. That’s a lot of potential Lolita sales. As people are turning away from department stores for beauty, they’re turning to specialty stores like Sephora instead. Sephora also has a reputation as a kingmaker, as Business of Fashion noted in 2013, and brands (especially indie brands) that sell there say they enjoy more perceived legitimacy from customers.

Kat Von D Beauty anticipated making about $2 million its first year and instead made an estimated $12 million.

According to WWD, Kat Von D Beauty anticipated making about $2 million its first year and instead made an estimated $12 million. That momentum has apparently not slowed. The brand’s success is the result of a combination of Sephora’s support and Kendo’s uncanny knack for releasing the right products at the right time, presumably thanks in part to access to Sephora customer sales data. Take the holographic Alchemist Palette, which Kat says took seven years to develop. It debuted (and sold out) right as the unicorn makeup craze was at its apex. Kat Von D Beauty’s success also hinges on Kat Von D the person’s enduring star power.

Since LA Ink ended in 2011, Kat has attended countless Sephora store openings and launches for her brand, traipsing the globe to places like Dubai, Australia, Spain, and the UK for photo ops with fans. From the beginning, she’s maintained a steady line of communication with her fans via Facebook and YouTube; in 2013, a Stylophane report named Kat Von D the most engaged beauty brand on Facebook and she still makes frequent appearances on the brand’s YouTube channel. She has stayed in the public eye in other ways too, releasing her third book in 2013, accompanied by a tour. She also showed up on the Grammys red carpet that year with then-boyfriend Deadmau5. Now, she continues to be most available to fans via her wildly popular personal Instagram and in real life at Kat Von D Beauty events.

Kat is undeniably charismatic in person. Her deep, raspy voice is mesmerizing. She is a hugger. She is beloved by people in her orbit, and they are fiercely loyal to her. Williams, the High Voltage merch manager, credits Kat with convincing him to move to LA, telling him he would “blossom.” Kevin Lewis, a tattoo artist who’s been at High Voltage since LA Ink was still shooting says, “One of the biggest things for me is that, for someone who has made so much for themselves, she’s so grounded. She’s not cocky. She’s not arrogant. She’s not a celebrity.”

Ashley Sherengo, the 24-year-old Kat plucked off Twitter to run the brand’s social media says of their first real-life meeting, “I didn’t expect for her to be so open and kind. I felt like we were just friends who had gone a long time without talking.” Even Amber Rose, who showed up at the Saint and Sinner party after having Kat on her podcast, gushes, “I’ve always been a huge fan and I just kind of took a chance and I went up to her and told her that I love her and she was so gracious and sweet to me.”

None are quite as loyal, though, as the group of four official Kat Von D Beauty makeup artists, dubbed the Artistry Collective.

In a nondescript conference room at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, hours before the Saint and Sinner party, party greeters in black-and-white latex dresses get their makeup done and drag queens from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence cover their facial hair with purple glitter and put on their habits. Kat Von D makeup palettes are scattered everywhere. Steffanie Strazzere, whose taxi-cab-yellow hair, Barbie-pink lips, and aqua eyeshadow fit right into the colorful scene, is helping get everyone ready. She credits Kat with being her “fairy godmother of makeup.”

Kat hired Steffanie, along with Leah Carmichael, Tara Buenrostro, and Kelseyanna Fitzpatrick to be surrogates for her as the Kat Von D Beauty brand grows globally. She discovered all of them (except Leah, who she’s been friends with for years) on Instagram. As faces of the brand, they create content on YouTube and Instagram, do Kat’s makeup, represent the brand at stores and trainings, and help out with product testing. They’re all trained and talented makeup artists. The common thread between them is their artistic vision for what makeup should be, which is, well, uncommon. Kelseyanna, in particular, creates otherworldly, occasionally terrifying, looks.

“I get a lot of people sending messages thanking us for being ourselves and saying that it's pushed them to take more risks with their makeup,” Kelseyanna says. “Someone thanked me last night for doing ugly makeup, like, not caring about being pretty. That's the real stuff, and that really motivates me to keep creating.”

“Everybody's kinda like, ‘What the hell is going on?’ And then they're like, ‘Oh. Kat and the Kittens.’"

Steffanie worked at MAC for more than a decade but left because of animal testing, since the brand sells in China. “From a work standpoint,” she says, “I feel really safe because I know Kat has the best interests of the brand, animals, and us in mind, so it’s a very safe place.”

Kat is an outspoken vegan, and her brand is vegan (meaning the products don’t contain any animal byproducts) and cruelty-free (meaning they aren’t tested on animals nor are they sold in mainland China, which requiresforeign brands to test on animals before they sell their products there). There’s a gray area when it comes to the cruelty-free designation, though. Kat Von D Beauty and all the other Kendo brands do not test on animals or sell in China. However, Kendo parent company LVMH owns beauty brands like Benefit, Givenchy, Make Up For Ever, and Fresh, which do sell in China. In the cruelty-free community, this is a point of contention that comes up whenever an indie brand that doesn’t test on animals sells to a large company. But it’s a big part of the brand’s identity and one, according to NPD Group beauty analyst Larissa Jensen, that is an asset. “The brand’s cruelty-free positioning,” she writes in an email, “enables it to connect with consumers on a value- and emotional-based level.”

Kat has tattooed Steffanie twice, once on each calf. One tattoo is an image of her fluffy white cat Baby Ghost and the other is a portrait of Lydia Deetz, Winona Ryder’s character from Beetlejuice. “I just feel so lucky,” she says. “My legs are the most valuable part of my body now.”

The foursome has become famous among makeup fans in their own right. They’ve each experienced huge jumps in followers on their Instagrams and fans regularly recognize them in real life. Tara carries around products to give out to people who come up and talk to her. She says that when the group and Kat are all together in the airport, it causes a lot of commotion: “It's just a sea of black and a ton of suitcases, and everybody's kinda like, ‘What the hell is going on?’ And then they're like, ‘Oh. Kat and the Kittens.’"

“I feel like her bodyguard, a protective shield, constantly looking around and making sure she's okay,” Leah says. “People obviously recognize her, especially when she's decked out in a full red outfit. She'll never be the bad guy, she'll never say no, so I think that's where we have to step in sometimes. She's so kind and gracious with every single fan.”

Fans know that Kat handpicked the Collective, and Tara considers the group “a little extension” of her. Fans consider them the next best thing to Kat herself.

The Artistry Collective has garnered criticism, though. As one commenter noted on an early Instagram shot of the group of light-skinned artists, “would be cool to see more ethnic diversity represented in the artistry team!” Some fans thought Kat’s response seemed defensive. She replied in the comments: “Diversity? We have American, Canadian, Dutch, Mexican, Australian, and Argentinian? Not sure what is lacking in ‘diversity’ here. And as for true diversity, I have put together an artistry team that is diverse in each artist's approach to makeup. This group’s experience, talent and hard work in the beauty world speaks for itself and covers the entire spectrum of style and technique.”

When the commenter wrote back, “There are also amazing makeup artists with deeper skin tones out there too and it'd be awesome to see them included in the future,” Kat’s response was, “I'm sorry, but I don't judge or hire people based off of their skin tone. I don't care if you’re black white or neon green - I select my crew by what's on the inside…”

The reality is that beauty companies do need to consider skin tone, because makeup goes on skin.

Kat Von D Beauty has 32 foundation shades and its social media channels sometimes show swatches on different skin tones and repost pictures of women of color using the makeup. But Kat discounting her fans’ desire to see more people they relate to wearing her makeup is shortsighted on a community level, but on a business one too.

Take Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty — Kat Von D’s sister brand at Kendo, let’s not forget — which launched with 40 foundation shades and a public commitment to people of all skin tones. The darker tones sold out, and the media was pretty unanimous in its praise. Kendo’s CEO David Suliteanu has given very few interviews over the years, with the exception of one giddy quote to WWD about how Fenty Beauty would be a “beauty rocket ship that will appeal to a huge and diverse global audience.” He was right. The reality is that beauty companies do need to consider skin tone, because makeup goes on skin.

It should be obvious that Kat is as outspoken as Kendo is opaque, a quality for which she is unapologetic. As befits someone who is trying to sell a saint-and-sinner duality, Kat can be acerbic. “I've just never been afraid of speaking my mind,” she says. This has gotten her into trouble in the reality show of our modern times: social media. Since her brand has launched, she’s found herself embroiled in her fair share of controversies and she’s picked a few fights along the way. But it seems to be working. At the end of last year, L2 credited Kat Von D’s ever-growing digital IQ, a measure of how well a company utilizes technology, to “her uncensored personality and opinions, a successful cocktail no parent company should alter.”

In 2013, Sephora stopped selling a Kat Von D lipstick called “Celebutard” after receiving customer complaints. The most shocking thing might be that the name got past a marketing team in the first place. Kat allegedly tweeted that it was “just a fucking lipstick.” This seems to be one of the last times Sephora or Kendo publicly inserted itself into Kat’s kerfuffles, letting her fight her own fights.

Two years later, there was more outrage over a lipstick shade called “Underage Red,” which had been in the collection in some form since the very beginning. “To go back to the Underage Red or any of the controversial names that I've named some of my products,” Kat says, “it is laughable to me. There is the PC police out there and a lot of times those people just want to be heard in whatever way. I don't really coddle that. Initially, when I named that shade, it was inspired by a specific shade of red that I wore to a concert that I couldn't get into because I was underage.” She ended up writing a defiant Facebook post and Sephora did not pull the shade.

Then there was the great beauty beef of summer 2016, in which Kat called out Jeffree Star, a YouTube and Instagram beauty guru who also used to appear on LA Ink and who Kat had befriended after tattooing him frequently through the years. In a now-deleted Instagram post and then on YouTube, she accused him of bullying, racism, promoting drug use (Kat has been sober for 10 years), and not paying an artist he had used for his beauty line. The accusations of racism prompted some outlets to dig up an old TMZ allegation that, back in 2008, Kat had sent a headshot of herself to her Miami Ink boss Ami James that included a swastika and referred to him as a “Jewbag.” She vehemently denied sending it, calling it a forgery and noting that she had always been “an advocate for tolerance of all races, religions and ways of life.” TLC supported her. Jeffree responded with his own video, calling Kat a liar, and the beauty world buzzed about it for a few weeks.

Kat has also publicly called out other brands like MAC for years because they sell in China, and she targeted Nars on Instagram this summer by posting graphic photos of bloody rabbits after the brand announced it would start selling in the country. “That was just a personal heartbreak,” Kat says. “I'd been a huge fan of Nars for a really long time. It was disheartening. If you're going to choose money over compassion, then that comes with a price as well.”

“There is the PC police out there and a lot of times those people just want to be heard in whatever way. I don't really coddle that.”

She hasn’t been afraid to call out other brands for taking a bit too much inspiration from her products, either. In March, she went after lower-end UK brand Makeup Revolution for copyingher popular $48 Shade and Light Eye Contour palette, from the shades right down to the arrangement of the colors. Even the name was reminiscent of the Kat Von D Beauty product: Makeup Revolution called their iteration the Ultra Eye Contour Light & Shade Palette. She got some backlash from people who couldn’t afford her $50 palette. They perceived Kat as being unsupportive of cheaper brands. She says she can appreciate dupes, but explains, “I'm not for plagiarism and I think that there's a big difference.”

Kat’s biggest controversy to date, however, resulted in her becoming a target of the alt-right and Milo Yiannopoulos. Both Fox News and the Washington Post covered the scandal. It was all because of the Saint and Sinner perfume launch party.

The party was basically goth prom. The night included nuns in drag, pole dancers, a confessional booth, dry ice swirling on the bars, a Nine Inch Nails-heavy soundtrack, Amber Rose and her entourage, and tons and tons of people in extreme makeup with appliques stuck to their faces. The founders of other cruelty-free beauty brands, like Too Faced, Sugarpill, and Melt Cosmetics, were also in attendance. It took a bit of convincing, but Kat’s team allowed her to fulfill her vision and let her invite who she wanted to (rather than simply invite the standard beauty influencers with millions of followers).

“Kendo is really great, and I know that they're obviously putting a lot of marketing dollars into it so I want to respect that. But to them, they want the safe things,” Kat said before the party. “Influencers have a lot of followers. I don't think half of those influencers are on-brand. We don't repost them. I don't really relate to them. I'd rather pick people with smaller follower counts that I actually admire and that are cool and that are different, you know?”

So Kat won. “Of course I won. I will never back up something I don't believe in and they know that. And I think what helps them feel comfortable is that when I am excited about something, it has never failed. When I have doubts is usually when it gets scary.”

She also addressed the huge amount of marketing money that can get sucked into paying influencers. “I see it with other brands and how much gifting they do and the crazy events they throw for people to go on goddamn cruises and shit. To me, it’s just so insincere and fake. We don’t pay anybody,” she says. Then a pause. “I think there’s another influencer event happening right now with actual real, huge influencers. But none of those people were on our list anyway. Not to say that they're not great at what they do, but when you free yourself of all those things then you are left to be able to make cool shit.”

That other event turned out to be the launch of Kim Kardashian’s KKW Beauty line, which Kim had been teasing for weeks. She invited a few editors and some huge influencers to her actual home across the city in Bel Air. Kim’s outfits and the rooms in which she met her guests were all the same muted colors, once again highlighting the difference between Kat and the rest of the beauty world at this particular moment in time.

There was some drama behind the scenes at the Saint and Sinner party, though, which didn’t come to light until a month later. Kat Von D Beauty had run a contest challenging fans to submit their best saint/sinner makeup looks to win an all-expenses-paid trip to LA for the party. The brand announced the winner, Gypsy Freeman, on its Instagram. But then fans noticed the Trump “Make America Great Again” image Freeman had posted months earlier and started flooding the Kat Von D page with comments.

“Like, if you support Hitler I don't want you to wear my lipstick, to be honest, you know?”

In hindsight, Kat was probably alluding to this incident before the party when asked about politics: “I think everybody has the right to vote for whoever they want. To me, I definitely draw a line in the sand in real life. Like, we can't be friends if you support somebody who's anti-immigration, anti-climate change, anti-women.” When asked if people unfollow her for her stance, she said, “For sure, and I'm glad they do, in the sense that I'm not going to invest energy into converting somebody. You can't shake hands with a fist. People think that it's dumb business-wise, but I would feel the same way about Hitler. Like, if you support Hitler I don't want you to wear my lipstick, to be honest, you know?”

A month after the party, the Wichita Eagle broke the story that Kat had disqualified Freeman from the contest because she was a Trump supporter. The Kat Von D social team has wiped all evidence of the contest from the Facebook page. Freeman sent screenshots to the paper of a direct message conversation that she had with Kat. Freeman’s response to Kat was, “We would love to be there, of course, but I sincerely do understand if you decide to replace us with someone who supports the candidate you support.” The photographer who took the pictures of Freeman’s model did go to the party. Kat later insisted on Instagram, in a comment that appears to have since been deleted, that she did not disqualify her and that Freeman chose not to attend.

Places like The Donald subreddit picked up the story. “I talked to my team because there was a heightened sense of concern,” she says. “We were getting a lot of backlash on that, but I'm like, ’Yeah, fuck, I don't care if Fox News talks shit, fuck them.’ I'm very open about my stance on Trump and if you don't agree with me, that's totally up to you. It's a free country and I actually celebrate true democracy.”

Kat has a lot going on in the coming year. She’s going to launch a self-funded vegan shoe line called Von D Shoes which she says includes 28 different styles. One of the boots will feature a compartment that will fit a lipstick. The line is being produced in Italy using high-tech leather alternatives and with the help of Rebecca Mink, who has her own vegan shoe line. “I'm not interested in looking at cheap plastics,” says Kat. “We're looking at all these innovative, different leather substitutes that are made out of mushroom and pineapple and they're actually great for the environment and look equal to, if not better than leather.”

Kat is also releasing an album and planning a tour. Then, of course, there’s Kat Von D Beauty. She collaborated on an upcoming smudgy guyliner with her friend, Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong, and has created a palette dedicated to Divine, the late drag queen who frequently collaborated with filmmaker John Waters. Several times, Kat has mentioned wanting to open a store in LA, though nothing is technically in the works yet. She is also in the process of designing a collection for the brand’s tenth anniversary next year.

While Kat and her brand are now a known entity, it cannot be overstated how much of a trailblazer she really is. Reality stars have come and gone with flash-in-the-pan beauty launchesthroughout the years (see: Snooki and any number of Real Housewives and Basketball Wives cast members). But Kat has a unique and unreproducible authenticity, a quality that all beauty brands are now chasing, that is undeniable regardless of how you feel about her personal aesthetic or opinions. Her unabashed love of a full face of makeup and her brand’s use of ultra-pigmented products before it was popular outside of pro brands presaged the moment we’re in now: a moment where more is more when it comes to makeup. She’s also exhibit A for the argument that celebrities should have a strong controlling hand in their brands, as opposed to simply slapping a name on a product for a short-lived sales burst.

As Kat declared when detailing one of her many controversies, “If you don't like it, don't fucking buy it. This is my art and my message to give to the world.”

Cheryl Wischhover is a senior beauty reporter at Racked.

Editor: Julia Rubin Copy editor: Laura Bullard

source> https://www.racked.com/2017/12/12/16763338/kat-von-d-beauty-sephora

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Recent conversations have inspired me to make a big ass list of Marvel creators stances on the marriage.

 This isn’t definitive as it’s me going off memory.

 Bear in mind some of this is inferred from other stuff they’ve said and is more a representation of whether these people there is anything wrong with Spider-Man being married in general not necessarily their thoughts on the marriage as it actually played out.

 This isn’t a list of every Marvel creator ever, just the ones who to my recollection have expressed an opinion about whether being married was appropriate for Spider-Man in general.

 Half and Halfs

Steve Ditko: Co-creator of Spider-Man. According to Marv Wolfman in an interview published (but possibly not conducted) in 2004, when he spoke to Ditko decades ago Ditko felt it was a mistake for Spider-Man to have ever aged beyond high school. However bear in mind this comes from typed up notes of a one-to-one interview (presumably done face to face, but we do not know) and it is giving us someone’s recollections of what someone said decades ago about a character that that person had ceased working on at least 10-15 years beforehand. Hardly the benchmark of reliability.

 Gerry Conway: Author of the Death of Gwen Stacy who’s run also turned Harry Osborn into a villain, a frequently adapted plot point in other media. Has said it was a mistake because Spider-Man should never have aged beyond age 21. However he has had four runs in which Spider-Man has been 22 or above. Three of those have featured a married Spider-Man, the latest of which very deliberately so. Has also admitted that part of his apprehension regarding the marriage when he was writer was that he was dealing with his divorce at the time.

 Ron Frenz: Acclaimed artist and part of one of the most well received Spider-Man runs and Spider-Man spin-offs ever. Has stated that when he was doing Spider-Man in the 1980s he felt that if Peter was ever to marry he’d have to give up being Spider-Man. However has also done a whole run featuring a married Spider-Man as a supporting character where he shared a poignant quote about why the relationship is very interesting.

 Howard Mackie: Despite his early work being more positively received, is regarded as one of the worst Spider-man writers ever. Stated in the early 2000s that the marriage was too difficult to write. However in the 2010s stated that he saw the arguments from both sides.

 Roger Stern: Author of one of the most acclaimed Spider-Man runs ever. Stern has said Spider-Man is about youth which you would imagine means that he feels Spider-Man cannot work whilst married. However Stern has actually said that he feels Peter Parker could possibly get married, his problem was that it was with Mary Jane specifically (and that’s neither here nor there).

 David Michelinie: Author of a run with a mixed reception. Some people like it whilst others hate it. The run however included the introduction of popular villains Venom and Carnage as well as introduced the marriage itself via editorial mandate. He didn’t like the idea of writing a married Spider-Man when he got the job as ASM writer because the Spider-Man he knew had been a student. Bearing in mind that at the time Spider-Man hadn’t been a student for three or four years and had graduated from his college education and was undergoing studies for a Master degree before dropping out. Michelinie however has alternatively stated his apprehension was due to a lack of experience with romantic relationships and that in taking the assignment he endeavoured to write it as well as possible. In a 2007 publication he stated that he felt there was nothing wrong with Spider-Man being married because Spider-Man was about responsibility.

 Brian Michael Bendis: Acclaimed author of Ultimate Spider-Man which depicted a moderinization of teenage Spider-Man’s adventures, creator of one of the most popular Spider-Man spin-off characters Miles Morales. Well known for writing a teenage Spider-Man and stated that Spider-Man is supposed to be a kid instead of an old divorced guy. However he wrote Peter and MJ in his teen drama Spider-Man series as a pseudo married couple and even used such terminology more than once in-story in reference to their relationship. Has expressed a fondness for the Peter and MJ relationship.

 Danny Fingeroth: Author of a handful of Spider-Man stories with at best mixed receptions, at worst panned receptions. Instituted the infamous robot parents subplot with no clear direction in mind. Clashed with David Michelinie and led to his departure from the series.  Hasn’t ever come out and said it was a mistake for Spider-Man to be married or that Spider-Man shouldn’t ever be married but has stated that around the time of the Clone Saga there was the thought that being married made him too unrelatable. However other accounts have indicated that that was not the original genesis of the Clone Saga and that the original long term plan (which he was in on) was to eventually have Spider-Man become a father as well as husband (with the single Ben Reilly becoming a spin-off character).

 Mat Fraction: Acclaimed author. Wrote an Eisner nominated Spider-Man story specifically celebrating the marriage but also stated he was not certain if marriage was right for Spider-Man.

 Todd Dezago: Acclaimed author who cut his teeth on Spider-Man. Has never stated anything about the marriage one way or the other but learned to write comics during that era in the Spider-Man office.

 John Romita Junior: Acclaimed artist. Allegedly felt the marriage was wrong but I do not recall seeing or hearing him ever explicitly state this.

 John Romita Senior: Acclaimed artist, regarded as pseudo co-creator of Spider-Man because so much of his run helped to define Spider-Man. Co-creator of Kingpin, Rhino, Shocker and Mary Jane. Inker of the Death of Gwen Stacy. His depiction of Spider-Man became the in house style for Spider-Man and all of Marvel for several years. I forget, but I seem to recall he expressed mixed feelings about it as opposed to a clear cut opinion one way or another.

  Those against the marriage

Mark Waid: Eisner award winning writer. Has written one acclaimed Spider-Man story which is praised because it plays well upon classic tropes. Essentially his big claim to fame is writing a good paint by numbers Spider-man tale. His other Spider-Man works have included writing Spider-Man and Daredevil’s relationship in correctly by portraying Daredevil as disliking Spider-Man despite this egregiously contradicting older stories, and a story where Spider-Man was a mentally ill person with some form of split personality but when regular Peter Parker would routinely bully J. Jonah Jameson.

Dan Jurgens: Wrote 7 good issues of Spider-Man starring Ben Reilly as the titular character. Feels that Spider-Man is about suffering and that marriage is thus in appropriate.

Marv Wolfman: Wrote a good run of Spider-Man despite some characterization problems. Feels Spider-Man being in a relationship with someone too attractive like Mary Jane is wrong and that marriage is wrong because Spider-Man is about having the rug pulled out from under him and that being a high schooler was the true state of the character. Bear in mind he is also famous for agining Dick Grayson from Robin the Boy Wonder who was created to be Batman’s child sidekick into the distinctly adult Nightwing who at one point almost got married. He actually did this with multiple other teen character sidekicks who were part of a team called the TEEN Titans. It got to the point where the series name was changed to just Titans. So...seems a tad hypocritical no?

Kurt Busieck: Wrote a well received run on a series set in the Ditko run. Has never written a Spdier-Man story set in the modern day where Spider-Man is the main character with said story getting particularly good reviews. Began reading in the Gerry Conway/Ross Andru run

Steve Wacker: Has no formal writing experience whatsoever. Was editor of an era of Spider-Man where the title character deliberately withheld knowledge of his identity from one of his loyal friends and confidants whom he knew had romantic feelings for him all for the purposes of having mask sex with her in hotel rooms that they’d illegally broken into together. Did I mention this person was also an active criminal whom Spider-Man routinely let go? Also oversaw a story he personally expressed pride in that involved child cannibalism. And another storyline in which there was a strong implication of rape by deception.

Dan Slott: Wrote a story where Spider-Man acted as a paparazzi despite the character being fully aware of the dangers of invading someone’s privacy, since the previous year his identity was public knowledge. Most acclaimed Spider-Man work is Superior Spider-Man which is literally not about Peter Parker but another character. In the course of this story major plot points involved the lead character trying to rape an innocent woman, possibly succeeding in sexually violating Peter Parker himself, probably sexually violating a different innocent woman and playing the Green Goblin’s identity as a mystery before revealing it to be Norman Osborn all along, thus rendering it an entirely pointless mystery. Maintained the status quo of his acclaimed Superior storyline through objectively large plot contrivances such as the Avengers scanning his brain without bringing along anyone who could read the results.

Jim Shooter: EIC of one of Marvel’s most critically acclaimed and financially lucrative periods

Erik Larsen: An artist who wrote one vaguely well received Spider-Man issue. All his other Spider-Man writing work has been panned or rarely mentioned.

Terry Kavanagh: Regarded as one of, if not the, worst Spider-Man writer of all time, responsible for the critically panned FACADE storyline.

Joe Quesada: Wrote literally the two most critically panned Spider-Man stories of all time which character assassinated Peter Parker and Mary Jane.

John Byrne: Drew and wrote Spider-Man Chapter One, a critically panned rebooting of Spider-Man’s history from the acclaimed and iconic Ditko run. Wrote one critically panned (by those who remember) issue of Web of Spider-Man. Wrote 2 issues of the critically panned Gathering of Five/Final Chapter storyline. Has said that the acclaimed Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies were poor adaptations. Was responsible for the sickening scene wherein an underage teenage girl kissed the then-recently widowed and very much adult Peter Parker. Seems to think that by making Superman someone who doesn’t see himself as an alien at all, has never lost his parents and doesn’t pretend to be a mild mannered or bumbling fool as Clark Kent but rather an upright and confidant person didn’t change the character of Superman. Did I mention he regularly ships underage teenage girls with adult male characters?

Jordan D. White: Has only ever edited a few Deadpool projects which have involved Spider-Man.

Jason Aaron: Has written one well reviewed mini-seires involving Spider-Man and Wolverine, which is more of a Wolverine storyline

Bob Harras: Edited just one Spider-Man story. Was the extremely controversial editor of X-Men who’s actions were part of the reason well received X-Men writer Louise Simonson left the X-Men franchise, something her husband Walt Simonson has not forgiven him for to this day. Gave the editorial mandate to bring Aunt May back to life and undo the milestone and acclaimed Amazing Spider-Man #400. Also gave the editorial mandate to kill off the highly popular character of Mary Jane in order to end the marriage. The move was critically panned and even disagreed upon by Howard Mackie and John Byrne who wrote and drew the issue in question. The story took the series in a direction that greatly lowered sales and led to even more critical panning, indeed it was regarded as one of the worst eras of Spider-Man ever. EIC of DC and overseer of the critically panned and sales decreasing New 52 era which led to the DC Rebirth era as an antidote.

Bill Jemas: Co-plotted Ultimate Spider-Man #1-7. Is one of the most heavily criticized Marvel EIC’s ever. Sole writer of Marville one of the most panned Marvel stories of at least the 2000s.

Christopher Priest: Edited a strong era of Spider-Man and has written a few decent-great one shot Spider-Man stories including the acclaimed Spider-Man vs. Wolverine storyline. However he has also stated that the reason that Spider-Man shouldn’t be married is because it ruins the wish fulfilment factor of young boys who don’t want to be tied down. This is patently not true given the raw number of male Spider-Man fans who began reading during the marriage and the higher sales compared to the post-marriage stories. It also obviously doesn’t take into account female fans or fans identifying by something other than strictly male or female.

  Those in favour of the marriage

John Semper Junior: Showrunner of the 1994 Spider-Man cartoon which was at it’s time acclaimed and has gone on to influence other media adaptations.

Greg Weisman: Acclaimed writer who’s work includes Gargoyles, Star Wars: Rebels, Young Justice and the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon, regarded as THE best adaptation of Spider-Man ever.

Tom DeFalco: Former Spider-Man editor during the acclaimed Roger Stern run. Former EIC of Marvel. Wrote one of the most popular and well received runs of the character in the 1980s. Went on to have 2 more runs in the 1990s and co-created possibly the most popular Spider-Man spin-off character ever in Spider-Girl who is the female marvel character with the longest unbroken run to date. Helped institute elements which have remained part of Spider-Man lore to this day including the iconic black costume. Author of at the time the most definitive Spider-man information book. Began reading Spider-Man in the early 1960s with Amazing Fantasy #15 itself.

Peter David: Acclaimed writer, who’s acclaimed comic work has included runs on X-Factor, one of the most popular Spider-Man spin-off characters (Spider-Man 2099) and a well recived run on Spectacular Spider-Man. He also penned one of the most acclaimed Spdier-Man stories of all time, the Death of Jean DeWolff.

Jim Salicrup: Editor of arguably the most financially successful period of Spider-Man ever, including Spider-Man #1 which sold in the millions.

J.M. DeMatteis: Has had 3 runs on Spider-Man, 2 of which were well received. These included the well received Spectacular Spider-Man #250, the acclaimed Harry Osborn Saga, the best Vulture story of all time and the acclaimed Amazing Spider-Man #400. He has also written the acclaimed Spider-Man: the Lost Years and Spider-Man Redepmtion as well as Kraven’s Last Hunt, regarded as one of the best Spdier-Man stories of all time, possibly the greatest. Many of his works are regarded as the height of literary fiction about Spider-Man.

J. Michael Straczynski: Critically acclaimed Emmy award winning writer, creator of Babylon 5, wrote the sometimes controversial sometimes acclaimed Amazing Spider-Man run, which included the relatively well received characters of Morlun and Ezekiel, the well received 9/11 issue of Spider-Man, the acclaimed direction of having Aunt May know Peter’s secret identity.

Tom Beland: Wrote the well received I (Heart) Marvel: Web of Romance

Todd Nauck: Well received artist of Spider-Man: the Clone Saga, Mr and Mrs Spider-Man.

Roberto Aguirre Sacasa: Acclaimed playright and writer of the well received Spider-Man stories, the Book of Peter, The Last Temptation of Eddie Brock and Sensational Spider-Man #32-34 which were character studies of Mary Jane, Aunt May and Black Cat.

Ryan Stegman: Acclaimed artist of Superior Spider-Man and Spider-Man Renew: Your Vows.

Stan Lee: Co-creator of Spider-Man who worked on the first 100 issues of the character. Also co-created other iconic comic book characters. His advocating of the marriage led to it happening.

[cinemafix]

PART ONE: MOVIES I’VE SEEN THIS WEEK (04/02-04/08)

SUNDAY

1. Goodfellas (1990)- dir. Martin Scorsese

Let me just start by saying if you’ve waited (like me) for too long to see this-- everybody is right.. this is a phenomenal movie. I came into this movie pretty green like I knew of it but I didn’t have any sort of inclination as to what to expect. The movie is based on the real-life story of Henry Hill, a young kid whose ambition to be a “wise-guy” leads him to grow up into the mobster lifestyle. Scorsese mainly uses voice over narration from Henry (Ray Liotta) to provide a sort of documentary feel to the movie. There’s also minor voice over narration to provide outsider insight by Henry’s wife, Karen (Lorraine Bracco).  

I absolutely loved the narration and the use of freeze frames and the (I won’t spoil it) delightful narration switch up at the very end. The infamous Copacabana long take of a scene (in which P. T. Anderson drew inspiration from for Boogie Nights) is so fun to watch because it really just immerses you into Henry’s fixation of the mob’s privileges and his date’s curiosity as to who she is out with. Yes, there are some heavyweight actors in this movie, but I have to just stress how good casting was. I mean, even the kid that played young Henry is on point with the resemblance and behavior.

This movie takes you along a ride with Henry Hill at the driver’s seat and it explores themes of primarily power and status but I also think one’s need to belong somewhere as well. Nobody likes to feel like a nobody.

Fun Fact: Scorsese’s parents have cameos in the movie!

2. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)- dir. Steve Carr

Freely judge me for this, I deserve it. I wanted to hide it from the list but I didn’t want to compromise the game.

Now, in my defense, my dear grandpa picked it out while my mom and I came over my grandparents’ house to visit. Bless him. Guilty, I actually really enjoyed watching this absolutely mind-numbing comedy because of its stupid humor. Stupid, stupid, stupid humor.

If you haven’t heard of it and don’t mind a film led by Kevin James, it’s about this mall cop who takes his job too seriously but in the end he’s the type of hero this mall needs. Don’t take this movie seriously- It’s dumb (we all know it’s dumb) but you’re not dumb for watching it. You might be dumb for watching the sequel...you might be pushing it... jury might be out on that one.

I couldn’t help myself with the legal puns.

MONDAY

3. El Dorado (1967)- dir. Howard Hawks

I blame my grandma because visiting with her requires at least the watching of half a western movie and it’s 90% of the time a John Wayne movie playing. I’m just blaming the grandparents left and right for everything now... She enjoys them so much and I guess I enjoy watching them because she enjoys watching them. All you Internet folk don’t have the chance to watch a good ol’ western with my grandma but I think this is a good western to warm you up to the genre. In interviews, Quentin Tarantino has expressed his admiration for director Howard Hawks-- more specifically for the movie Rio Bravo-- and this movie is the second collaboration John Wayne has done with Hawks since Rio Bravo.

It’s about this wealthy man who is looking to hire someone to send this other wealthy family, the MacDonald’s, out of El Dorado. Sharpshooter Cole Thorton (Wayne) was first offered the job but instead joins forces with his old friend and town sheriff J.P. Harrah (Robert Mitchum) to protect the MacDonald’s.

My grandma says she loves westerns because, “there’s no sex and all action,” and she has her approval stamp on this one.

There’s action, there’s drama, there’s comedy, and there’s a young James Caan. It’s also on Netflix so it’s an easy find!

4. The Philadelphia Story (1940)- dir. George Cukor

Now, I love Cary Grant and I LOVE James Stewart but I was putting this movie off because I am not the biggest Katharine Hepburn fan. Rotten Tomatoes deems this movie, “The Greatest Romantic Comedy of All-Time,” and though I’m not entirely sold on that reputation, I thought it was an enjoyable movie. It’s about this quasi-quirky socialite Tracy (Hepburn) who all her life is treated as this perfect, untouchable goddess and it leads her to hold others to her high standards. C.K. Dexter Haven (Grant), her ex-husband, couldn’t stand her treating him with unreachable expectations so their marriage falls apart and yet he is still magnetized towards her. Reporter Macaulay Connor (Stewart) and his photographer (Ruth Hussey) are led by Grant into Tracy’s home to cover her wedding for Spy magazine. Having C.K. and Connor as guests for her wedding confuses Tracy as she begins to develop feelings diverting her attention from fiancé George Kitteredge (John Howard).

To be honest, even the ghosts of Cary Grant and James Stewart showing up on my wedding day would confuse the hell out of me. There’s romance, second-hand embarrassment, and humor to this dysfunctional wedding story. Ok, I get that it’s Hepburn’s story but like Ruth Hussey’s character was far more interesting than Tracy (IMHO) and only the handsy old uncle paid her any attention.

TUESDAY

5. How to Steal a Million (1966)- dir. William Wyler

This has to be the greatest romantic comedy of all-time. The chemistry between Peter O’Toole and Audrey Hepburn is just as magnetic as O’Toole’s blue eyes. Yes, I went there just like the movie goes there with several close-ups of those baby blues. Hepburn plays Nicole Bonnet, the daughter of a beloved art collector who happens to be a second generation art forger. When a Bonnet-forged Cellini statue ends up in a Paris museum and is awaiting evaluation, Nicole enlists Simon Dermott (O’Toole) to help her steal it back. It’s so much fun to watch not only Nicole react to Dermott’s wild planned and unplanned moments of the heist but also the museum guards as well. It’s a movie that doesn’t take itself so seriously-- it’s silly and it’s fun! Hepburn, of course, delivers some quality “lewks” in her head-to-toe Givenchy ensembles. Watching Dermott go from fascination to infatuation towards Nicole and manage to maintain a cute balance between the two will literally make you want to evaluate your love life (or lack thereof). He is constantly surprised by her and there’s a cute surprise towards the end at the Ritz hotel when things switch up-- love, love, love this movie.

WEDNESDAY

6. Strangers on a Train (1951)- dir. Alfred Hitchcock

This movie is just as relentless as the antagonist, Bruno Antony (Robert Walker). He’s like an itch that you just cannot scratch and the movie just builds and builds and builds its tension to his final breath... literally his final breath.

Currently, I’m writing a short story in which I aspire to create a thrilling tone. I felt compelled to watch the Master of Suspense show me how it’s done and boy was this the movie to get inspiration from. Not only was I on the edge of my seat but I was holding my breath the deeper the story went. If you show me a tennis match, I might dreadfully faint out of Hitchcock anticipation.

The film is about this tennis player, Guy Haines (Farley Granger), who meets the strange Bruce on (you guessed it) a train ride heading towards New York. The pair’s feet clash during the bumpy ride and the two get to talking- Bruce already familiar with Guy’s story insinuates about Guy’s dilemma with getting divorced. Too quickly, he comes up with a plan that could help Guy and in exchange help himself. It’s the exchanging of murders- you kill my problem and I’ll kill yours. Now I see where 2011′s Horrible Bosses drew from for inspiration.

I love Hitchcock’s use of zoom to draw our attention to what he wants us really focus on during a particular scene. The POV shots immerse the audience into the experience rather than sitting as an omniscient viewer throughout the entire film. There was a scene where Guy is punching at the camera and the camera is jerking back as if we are the ones getting punched. I loved it! There’s also a flashlight tracking scene that really made me feel uncomfortably close. Hitchcock also has his fun by making his quick cameo in the first 20 minutes.  

[theconservativebrief]

“The whole thing was actually kind of an accident, like all things are,” Bob Pranga tells me, about his career decorating rich people’s houses for the holidays. He’s otherwise known as Dr. Christmas.

He was working at the Macy’s in New York City’s Herald Square in 1984, just after he graduated from college, decorating a tree on the sales floor, when Mia Farrow walked past and said, “I wish someone would do that in my home.” Pranga said he would do it, and he did — and then themed, expensive Christmas decor exploded in 1986, as American culture steered itself into an apocalypse of gaudiness.

Pranga was decorating as “a survival job” until he met the Hiltons. Then it became a career — a bi-coastal Christmas empire, thanks to his Los Angeles business partner Debi Staron.

There’s “no ceiling” on Christmas, he says, and his clients spend between $5,000 and $200,000 on decorations for the holiday. “Sometimes it can go higher than that, but there’s a point where I ask them, “Really?” It becomes Christmas-by-the-pound at that point. Your Christmas tree becomes one big jewelry stand. You’re literally hanging jewelry on the tree.”

(Pranga can’t give me any examples of people who pay for this kind of thing, but says it’s not celebrities so much as “what we used to call the captains of industry.” Like Steve Jobs, he says, but not Steve Jobs.)

“My business always depends on the economy,” he says. “It’s a luxury item, not a necessity.” But his business is also part of a broader industry that’s growing.

The question of Christmas each year is, simply, how to get it. We’re all allowed to look at the window displays at American Eagle. We can all go to the diner to say “Hi” to a paper Santa. But that’s really just looking — what about having? What about possessing Christmas decorations that transform your home from that place where you keep your other shoes into the set of a Hallmark movie, where love interests are always sending handwritten notes and a roommate in a slouchy sweater proffers a cup of tea? How do you wake up every morning with rosy cheeks and peppermint breath?

The services industry is the biggest and fastest-growing sector of the American economy, and that means all kinds of things

For a not-insignificant number of Americans — not just celebrities, apparently — the answer is quite obvious: Rent some Christmas decorations from someone who will store them for you in a warehouse you never have to see; install them for you, maybe while you’re not even home; and then remove them when you’re tired of looking at them.

The services industry is the biggest and fastest-growing sector of the American economy, and that means all kinds of things, like the option to have a single bottle of pinot noir delivered to your apartment at 11 pm or to hire someone to take your Instagram photos for the evening — and the option to borrow decorations from someone who will set them up in or on your house.

The Texas-based Christmas Decor network, one of the largest professional Christmas decoration companies, was created in 1986, mostly as an additional service tacked onto a landscaping business, and now has 300 franchisees nationwide. Its website boasts that the average member of its network — made up mostly of landscapers looking for off-season work — brings in more than $200,000 per year.

In New York City, renting decorations looks even more appealing because of our collective, severe lack of storage space. I don’t have exact numbers on how widespread decoration rental is here, but I will say that it was very difficult to get in contact with people who build Christmas for a living, as it’s nearly December and it was incredibly rude of me to try to occupy even a small amount of their time with questions.

I will not say which local decorators hung up on me, or which said, “Are we done?” in a way that was maybe worse than being hung up on, because it’s the holidays. In the end, I was able to spend an entire weekend watching Christmas get borrowed and built in New York. I don’t know how it happened — presumably magic.

“I’m getting glitter all over your baby,” Rent-a-Christmas founder Kristen Parness says, handing a baby covered in glitter back to its mother.

New parents Byron and Karen Hagan hired Parness to set up a 6-foot fake tree in the corner of the living room in their apartment in the Riverwalk Point luxury rental complex on New York City’s Roosevelt Island. They know Parness because she got her MFA in theater with Byron at Pace University, and this is the third year she’s shown up in their home in an elf costume with two elf assistants to set up their Christmas tree for them. When Parness is not doing this, she’s a drama and English teacher at the extremely competitive Bronx High School of Science.

Parness runs Rent-a-Christmas with her husband Judah, who has a day job as a sales professional. “We had this idea one year when we were living in Bay Ridge [a neighborhood in Brooklyn], we had just started dating, we had no decorations, and absolutely zero storage space,” she says. “We went to Home Depot and bought $500 of decorations and the house looked amazing, but we were like, ‘What are we gonna do with this? This is so crazy, it would be great if we could rent this stuff.’”

This year, they’ll serve around 40 customers with the help of around 10 part-time elves before they close up shop on December 23. The business is small but legit — through research and trial-and-error, Parness has picked out two interior decorating suppliers who provide the vast majority of her wares, though she still buys stuff at Target or the bodega.

This year, she contracted a firefighter to do the more complicated lights and an electrician so she wouldn’t burn any restaurants down. She has a warehouse space in the Bronx, which is also where she met her live tree vendor, and which serves as the unofficial headquarters of the operation. The elves preassemble garlands and wreaths and complicated decorations there, in heavy coats because the heat doesn’t really work.

“It’s not only rich people,” she tells me, when I ask who the customers are. “It’s so widespread. We have people with one-bedroom apartments or who are really busy or have a baby. And then, yes, there are obviously rich people who go all out.”

Rent-a-Christmas’s services range in price, from $185 for a single wreath with lights (and installation!) to $12,000 for complicated packages in which an entire apartment is coated in garland. They also decorate restaurants, bars, salons, banks, bagel shops, and law firms, starting around $15,000.

Most residential customers spend between $500 and $5,000, and Parness says the most popular purchase is the “Feels Like Home” tree package ($499), which includes the rental of a 6.5-foot artificial tree, lights, tree skirt, tinsel, ornaments, and a star, as well as a team of elves to set it up.

Rent-a-Christmas elves Cara Weissman and Sarah King, with the Hagan family’s tree. Kristen Parness

That’s what the Hagans have ordered. Parness’s assistants for this particular job are her head elf Jingle Bell — also known as Sarah King, an actress who makes the bulk of her living as a Disney princess-for-hire — and new temp worker Cara Weissman, who typically works as a casting director for reality TV shows on TLC and MTV, but needed some extra cash this year.

They’re both wearing full elf costumes, complete with glitter-covered ballet flats, and, in Sarah’s case, a sparkly silver fanny pack full of stage makeup. Most of Parness’s hair is dyed Christmas red. They sing while they work, and it takes about two and a half minutes for the tree to go from box to standing, five minutes for Sarah and Cara to cover it in gold tinsel, and 10 more for the whole team to put about 50 generic red, green, blue, purple, and gold ornaments on it.

The Hagans are watching the Hallmark Channel and drinking red wine, chatting with Parness about her plans for the holidays and about the Josh Groban concert that Karen is going to that night. The tree barely fits in the corner of a tiny living room that looks out directly onto a basketball court — where teenagers are flopping around in five or six sweatshirts apiece — and then the East River.

There is one moment when the lights go on and “The Christmas Waltz” is playing on Sarah’s portable speaker, and the kids outside are moving real slow and clumsy … it’s really good. There’s also a creeping urge to eye-roll, at the baby’s grandparents saying, “That’s your first Christmas tree!” while someone else sets it up, but that’s my cross to bear.

When she’s done with her work, Sarah comes over to where I’m trying to crouch out of the way of both the TV and the process, and tells me she gets a real high off of dressing as an elf. Kids love it, and adults appreciate it too, especially when they’re having a rough year.

Rent-a-Christmas decorations at the Sleepy Hollow Country Club. Kristen Parness

A first-time customer in Manhattan last year called them because her son had just died and she couldn’t bring herself to bring out the decorations. There are cases where people going through divorces find that their ex-partner took both the kids and the ornaments. “You have no idea the joy you’re gonna bring,” she says, “Or how hard somebody’s holidays were going to be.”

I ask her if she’s going to build a career as an elf, maybe transition it into her own business in some way. “Well, I like Christmas,” she says. “Doing it 365 might be too much.” We are in and out of the Hagans’ home in half an hour.

House of Holiday is the largest Christmas store in New York, owner Larry Gurino emphasizes to me over the phone. It’s in Ozone Park — the neighborhood of Queens best known as the stomping grounds of John Gotti. It’s also somewhat well-known as a real setting from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road — next to the Tastykake Wonder Bakery Outlet, which may or may not be closed but still features a giant mural of a Hostess cupcake. When it’s not Christmas season, House of Holiday sells Halloween decorations. And when it’s not Halloween season, it sells discount pianos.

“We’re the largest square footage. We make gorgeous displays. Our store is gorgeous,” Gurino says. “Get in the train, come down, and take pictures for your article.”

So, I do. The store is gorgeous. I don’t think I’ve ever swooned in the face of a commercial enterprise, but that’s the most accurate wording I can think of to describe the first-blush of my experience at House of Holiday.

Elf buckets at House of Holiday. the largest Christmas store in New York. Kaitlyn Tiffany/Vox

There is a section dedicated to Christmas-themed trains and miniature villages, one of which has a working Ferris wheel. There is a whole hall dedicated to fake trees, all of which are outfitted in different styles of lights, from tiny and bright white specks to heavy, old-school multi-color bulbs the size of overripe grapes.

There are tacky things and beautiful things, Budweiser ornaments and buckets of gold poinsettias. There is an entire room dedicated to different styles of 3-foot-tall, super thin elves, which is a horrifying nightmare. There is also a display of dish towels that say things like “Dear Santa, I want a fat wallet and a thin body” and “The tree isn’t the only thing getting lit.” These items are easy to ignore in favor of an arrangement of enormous angels with fluorescent wing tips and gowns more beautiful than any wedding dress I can imagine owning.

I ask Gurino how long it took to find suppliers to fill his store, and he simply emphasizes again that House of Holiday has been open for 25 years.

House of Holiday’s decorators are completely booked for the season, which starts overnight on Halloween, and the team of 25 will have decorated (or designed decorations for) about 200 homes and 200 businesses throughout all five boroughs by Christmas Eve. Typically, residential customers order a 7.5-foot tree, “decorated where you go, ‘Wow’ when you walk in,” as well as garlands for their railings, a couple of wreaths, and a centerpiece. They spend between $1,000 and $5,000.

House of Holiday, in Ozone Park. Kaitlyn Tiffany/Vox

Gurino points out that there’s a hole in my story: “Do-it-yourself is just exploding. Even bigger buildings and business are starting to push back a little bit [against rentals]. They’re coming in and buying all of their own stuff and then having maintenance put it up.”

That way, they get the same decorations at a fraction of the price. I ask him if this bothers him, and he says no, “We encourage do-it-yourself because we have the … largest … Christmas store.” Okay!

These customers have uncovered, in Gurino’s opinion, a con. “Most guys won’t tell you that because they only do decorating. They don’t have a retail space for people to come to. Most will tell you it’s the fad, it’s the hottest thing, but if they give you a quote for 5 grand, you can come to my store and do it for 2. That’s a big difference. If you need a crane, maybe [hiring a decorator and renting] is the way to do it…”

Most people are not renting Christmas, he says. Most people invest in Christmas, accruing it over time. “We don’t rent. It’s just taking the money from people. We don’t think it’s right. Everyone can afford a storage unit. Once you rent products from someone, they always have you over the barrel. You have to rent new stuff every year. Once you buy it, next year you have the same budget, so then you have twice as much, and before you know it you can make a beautiful scene.”

The data would seem to support most of this. The National Retail Federation reports that people are spending more than ever on Christmas — an average of $1,007.24 each — but they are still spending only about $215 of that total tab on non-gift items like food and decorations. (I don’t totally agree that “everyone” can afford a storage unit, but it doesn’t seem worth fighting over at Christmas.)

More than anything, Gurino hates the line about how everyone is too busy. “There’s always time to enjoy the season,” he says. “Make time because it’s important. At the end of it all, this is what we have. We have the seasons and the holidays.”

At the House of Holiday, which is incredibly reasonably priced, I am paralyzed with indecision. Should I try to decorate my home? I agree, the season is important because what else are we going to do, just cry until it’s spring?

Way less than 1 percent of House of Holiday’s selection of ornaments. Kaitlyn Tiffany/Vox

I also have nowhere to store these beautiful things, and I want a tree taller than my body but I don’t think I can fit it in my living room, which has a non-functioning piano taking up 30 percent of the floorspace.

After an hour of walking in circles, alternating between adding things to my Instagram story and staring solemnly at the nativity area, where you can look at, no big deal, the face of God, I decide on one small owl with straw-and-glitter feathers ($5.99), to put next to a fake crow I bought at Target when I was in a bad mood. And a light-up Santa-and-sleigh ($14.99) to put in my front window. For the children!

I ask Larry if he can tell me about the best Christmas decorations he’s ever created. “I don’t have anything special,” he says. “Everything is special.” And then, “Are we done?”

On Staten Island, the best-known best friends in the Christmas decorating business are Vincent Nicastro and Dexter Calimquim, high school buddies who have been stringing lights up on the stoney mansions and saltbox cottages of the largely-suburban, increasingly expensive “forgotten” borough for more than a decade.

Nicastro started the business when he was 16, a sophomore in high school in Park Slope, and got 10 jobs his first year just from passing out flyers. He did them on the weekend or after school; now he works 12 hours days without a day off for the entire season.

An intimidating house on Staten Island, decorated by The Christmas Decorators earlier this month. Kaitlyn Tiffany/Vox

I meet them after dark, for a job at a home nestled between two cemeteries and a country club on the east side of the island, where house prices hover around $2 million. They’re doing a modest installation — just $1,500 for labor, using lights that the homeowners bought from them some years before.

Nicastro drives me around the corner to a project they just finished, to the tune of around $8,500, including light rentals but not including the 6-foot-tall nutcracker on the stoop or the 8-foot inflatable teddy bear by the private basketball court. Those, the homeowner, Jennifer Bock, picked up herself, as she did with the teenager-sized elves in the side yard and the Santa-sized Santa in the driveway.

He has to ask her about a timer that stopped working on the bear, so he rings the bell and she opens the door immediately. A gush of aroma reminiscent of a vanilla Glade plug-in slaps the freezing air around us and I try not to very obviously stare at the chandelier behind her, which is the size of a Toyota Corolla and hanging from a cathedral ceiling with cherubs painted on it. “We love Vinny,” Bock says, “I found him on Ironmine [Drive], I was driving past and I said you have to come help me.”

She comes out to show him where she’d like some extra wreaths, then stands outside and chats without a jacket on. “He does amazing work,” she tells me. “And I love Dexter. He really knows his stuff.”

This assessment seems, from all the available evidence, accurate. Her house looks like the set of a Tom Ford ad. It looks like where Diane Keaton would live in a movie about how she’d made millions writing a hit book series and simultaneously raised elegant and educated children, and was now learning to enjoy the holidays without her handsome and kind husband who died. (Jennifer Bock’s husband has not died; I met him and his name is Tom.) It looks like, if you lived there, all you would do is stand in the driveway and talk to strangers about Christmas.

The Christmas Decorators’ handiwork, last year on Staten Island. The Christmas Decorators/Facebook

The Christmas Decorators do about 175 houses in five weeks. There are two vans and one truck, crews made up of roofers who are eager to take the off-season work and, as an added bonus, won’t fall off a roof. Calimquim says the only training they need is some easy electrical tips, because customers really only get mad when you blow their fuse box. A house like Bock’s will take all day, nine hours at least.

“I do enjoy it,” Nicastro says. “A lot of landscapers, companies come and go. We always see 20 percent growth every year.” Then he explains that, for the Bocks’ home, they had to glue each bulb onto the roof with a silicone gun, individually, and revises his tepid enthusiasm. “It’s 40 days of torture,” he says. But on the other hand, “I do okay.”

Calimquim and Nicastro also co-own a Halloween store in East Brunswick, New Jersey, which is open from August through February. There was a second store in Princeton for a while, but Amazon ate too many of the sales. The team decided to take part of their business online, selling on the platform as Costume Wholesalers.

Vincent Nicastro and a large wreath. The Christmas Decorators/Facebook

“I’m shipping blood to Alaska, gallons of fake blood,” Calimquim says. “A dragon to Puerto Rico.” The costume business is year-round, not confined to Halloween. They’re selling Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin costumes to schools for plays, Jesus and Moses costumes to churches.

In February — the coldest month of the year, Calimquim reminds me — they’ll work from 7 am to 5 pm taking decorations off of about 10 houses per day. He prefers working in the Halloween store primarily because he gets to be inside.

There are perks to being outside, though. He likes hanging out with the crew; he likes fresh air. He doesn’t like having to take the van to a Dunkin’ Donuts to go to the bathroom. He likes the holiday business because he gets time off to travel, and is going to the Philippines as soon as this is all over. He also hates Christmas, he says, the way McDonald’s employees hate french fries.

“Sometimes I’m like, ‘Is this what we’re doing for the rest of our lives?’” he says. It’s more a sincere hypothetical than anything resembling a complaint.

Bob Pranga, a.k.a. Dr. Christmas, makes a good living. He’s noticed an increase in demand for decorating services because people are “back on the ‘No one has time for anything’ thing.” They’re also increasingly forgetting to plan ahead, which is why he’s been called to give up his own Christmas Eve to decorate somebody else’s house.

“I did it,” he says, “For an additional cost. You have to be willing to sacrifice your holidays for this career if you really want to make it.”

Even in the most glamorous corner of this market, where the customers are Stevie Nicks and Beyoncé, there is a little twinge of a reminder: This is the six-week period during which our feelings about whose time is more important and what dismal dollar amount everyone else’s time can be bought for are spoken a little more loudly and crassly than they are the rest of the year.

“You have to be willing to sacrifice your holidays for this career if you really want to make it”

I know there is a lot of suspicious cultural and emotional goop around Christmas that makes what I’m about to say sound insensitive or delusional: I totally love Christmas, and both need and crave the “magic” of the most wonderful time of the year.

I know that Christmas, as popular culture has come to define it, is a nightmare of commercialism, a creepy propaganda tool of the Evangelical right, and a truly unfortunate time to work in any service industry — hardly a heartwarming combination of things.

At the same time, I think winter is a harrowing experience that humans are still ill-evolved to cope with, and that we deserve an elaborate charade to ease us into that and into the blinding horror of yet another year. We have chosen something with an irresistible aesthetic and wonderful set of smells, and we could have done much worse. The people who build Christmas are at least pretty into it. They do okay.

“My philosophy is always, you know, just remember to sparkle,” Pranga says, laughing. “Glitter gets you everywhere.”

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Original Source -> Why buy Christmas when you can rent it?

via The Conservative Brief

[tomasdubin230313-blog]

Moms and dad Estrangement.

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[mstrauch-blog]

Logic

Steve is more governed by logic in the classic style of men, than I realized. I learned this over years, as stress increased in our lives and our relationship. He retreated to where he felt safe and more in control- the world of logic. I retreated in anger and hurt to what I knew to do to regain calm and sense of control- stay I my room alone.  This comes from my family of origin and upbringing. When my dad was emotionally out of control the way I kept from losing it and to feel safer I'd cloister alone or with my brother. The more withdrawn I got the more hurt he got because I wasn't doing the things he expected of me--doing what I "should" do and "should" feel as a wife. The more he put pressure on (unconsciously) of how I should feel, the more I wanted to withdraw.  You see, he didn't start the cycle and wasn't to blame for it, it was of both our making in our (all too human) emotional reactivity.  

This writing is the culmination of thoughts brewing for some time. In January of 2016- a year ago, Steve said something to me that I wrote down because it so summed this up. He said, in describing a coworker, "like me, he has trouble thinking outside of the box of what can be logically deduced" 

So the logic-think came out more over time and manifested slowly, mostly at Steve's work. Steve himself recognized on a number of occasions as he moved into higher manager positions that his focus on logical sometimes caused him to miss the emotional aspects of things, especially with relating to female colleagues. This would affect work relationships in negative ways. He would talk about this specific trouble at home. He didn't apply these revelations in home life, though.  It's perhaps easier to do that in a context of work versus home when home is an emotional/upset wife and a troubled marriage.  At work he was better able to tap into the humble, I'm-learning, I-struggle-with-this and we-all-have-things-to-work-on frame of mind.

Steven would complain at home about how irritating and unnecessary having to attend to "feelings" and the "over thinking everything" tendency of women. He would also accuse me of this. He would have an air about him of how ridiculous I was and how I really just needed to get over it because if I was just logical it wouldn't be a problem. This was troublesome to me, I would feel looked down on and talked to like I was less; there was no more joy and wholeness from our complementary intelligences. I would explain my belittled feelings in a measure and logical way (this is SO hard when you're hurting!), connecting the dots between the logic and emotion points in my experience of this friction point, to what seemed no avail. So resentment grew on my part. He just wasn't able to see the validity of the emotion.

He speaks of his new partner in this manner as well. He has said to me twice that she's "not a perfect person either" (seems telling though perhaps it's more an attempt to soften the reality of our ended marriage, out of guilt maybe).  He says she gets "over emotional" and the things she says "aren't rational." Anyway, because of what I've learned about relationships is the thing that concerns me the most for his new long term relationship. It's not that they met so fast or anything, as I know from experience you can live together for years and still have things fall apart. 

Steve comes from a family of hyper-logical (mom, siblings) to the emotionally inept in their view (dad: who's babied, cared for and pitied for his depression and emotional problems. It's assumed in Steve's family and my in-law family (mom, siblings) that dad is an emotional mess and that's why he makes such bad decisions. His choice of new partner in Marian only aggravates this view of the rest of the family. But his choice of 2nd wife makes a lot of sense- finding someone was was damaged by her growing up and willing to be vulnerable with him on that, in a way Rose wouldn't or couldn't. Rose to this day scorns him for his ineptitude, trouble holding a job, etc. Although rose grew up in a deeply troubled family as well, she has spent her life avidly succeeding at everything. So of course when I was struggling with emotional problems she had no pity for me. If she can do it, anyone can do it. AND my unresolved crap (because of course her son, who she raised perfectly) was hurting her son's life. So I got the same treatment that Wayne got. And later and simultaneously, a similar  message from her son, my husband: you have failed to get this under control and you are responsible for this problem, and if you don't get your act together (like my mom did). There seems to be no recognition on mom or son's part that the divorce of rose and Wayne probably had something to do with roses stuff too. In fact I know it did, I can say that as a couple's therapist. 

For this it's not surprising steve chose me. I tend to be pretty in touch with logic. I am more in touch with logic than many women. That he felt comfortable with in a mate. As is normal, he saw that in higher relief during the Velcro and early years. The emotional side of me was in low relief, it's so normal to have the attractive parts of our chosen mate so obviously and clearly overshadow other aspects of their personality, without fully internalizing that those things may be just as big a part of who they are and thus will play a big role in your shared life of years. Anyway, I was attracted to Steve's logical, non-drama no-nonsense manner, but I really fell in love when he showed me a side of himself over the first months that showed what I read as emotional intelligence and understanding for people that surprised and delighted me. Looking back I realize that this side of him was coming out because if me and how in love he was, and with the normal passage of years the more-likely and more-comfortable aspects of each of our personalities were always going to be our primary ways of being in the world, me: sensitive and emotional, him: logical and distant. 

The problem is when you retreat to the logical to survive you it gets further engrained. Even though it's hurting you and your relationship you don't see it. In fact, you cling onto it in desperation because it's what you know to do. And when your partner comes in full of big emotions you freeze and withdraw. You don't know what to do. You simply do not have the skill of navigating between the intellectual and emotional systems that is required. Steve didn't learn it from either parent or anyone previous in his life it or any previous romantic relationship. So I paid the price of his not even being willing to accept this was part of our problem, part of fueling our cycle. He didn't want to take responsibility. It's scary, and painful, and makes you queasy to jump into new territory. You push it all back and it becomes psychosomatic: hives, hamstrings, back, insomnia, multiple infections. And because the cycle is so intense and your needing to push away feels so critical to survival that successful marriage therapy at that point is practically impossible. You're just too entrenched, habituated and scared. The desire to blame it all on the other is SO overwhelming because you're so hurt, resentful, angry, feeling abandoned by your life mate and you're so desperately trying to survive the intensity of the daily stress in the way you know how...and that way of dealing it is only making it worse. It's classic. We do this all the time. It's practically why therapy exists.