#sterek angst

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

Imagine Derek going to visit his family’s graves and he sees Stiles laying flowers on them. He approaches quietly, trying not to startle Stiles and says he's always wondered who put the flowers there because he wanted to thank them. He admits he hasn’t been able to bring himself to lay flowers on their graves since they were buried because he feels like he’s back at their funeral(s) and the pain is too much.

[hedwig221b]

TREASURE | sterek | 71k | Explicit - AO3

Angst, beautiful soft and insecure Stiles, possessive and protective alpha Derek, the sweetest baby Eli, courting, murder

Summary:

“I know you don’t trust me,” Derek grunted. When Stiles inhaled to retort, Derek caught his chin and pressed a finger against his lips, making the boy freeze in place, eyes impossibly wide. “Don’t argue. I expected it. Wolves don’t trust easily, too. I just wanted you to know that… I’m sorry. I was selfish and didn’t see what was in front of me. You don’t need to worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

It was a thought that grew in his mind, spread to his heart and took root there, reincorporating into a deep desire and a vital need. Derek will take care of him and his little pup, he’ll bring the hearts of his enemies and put them at the boy’s feet. He’ll court and he’ll conquer.

[sterekmpreg]

If I gotta live with these angsty thoughts you gotta do it with me too, bitches.

Derek says some things he shouldn’t be during a fight... Stiles doesn't come back because after all, his whole life, everyone was always better off with out him anyways.

[iwasraisedfromperdition]

[now completed] Whoo ! Chapter 3 out of 9 !

Again, so so so so glad some people have taken a liking to my fic I didn't expect comments or kudos like that ! so thank you !

some part of you stayed alive by veil_nebula

Summary:

Three years after Derek's sudden disappearance, and two years after they'd given up hope, Stiles was trying his best to move on and live his life in college, away from Beacon Hills. He was doing fine - not terrible, but definitely not great; just "fine" - until an unexpected encounter turned his world upside down and sent him bareling back into Derek's life. Because yeah, as it turned out, that asshole was alive.

Tags:

Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Banter, Fluff, Derek Hale Gets Own Shit Together, Stiles Stilinski-centric, Attempted Sexual Assault, Panic Attacks, AU - Canon Divergence (kind of), Post-Teen Wolf Season 3B, Pining, Getting To Know Each Other, Implied/Referenced Torture, Derek Hale Is Not (Too) Emotionally Constipated, Minor OCs, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits

Let me know if you want to be told when there's an update !

[stereklyrics]

"So, I know that you did bad

But, if one more person says it, I might go mad

Yeah, I know it didn't last

And what was cheap to you, to me, was all I had

The issue is, I know all of this and I

I still want you back"

When Derek left, Stiles was heartbroken 'cause he thought he and Derek were finally going somewhere. They had just spend a whole 2 weeks kissing in every opportunity they had, for God's sake! Stiles feels like this was nothing for Derek, while he put everything he had in it. The rest of the pack keeps saying that Stiles should just let it go, and Stiles knows he should but that doesn't mean he doesn't want Derek back, that he doesn't want to just...Be with Derek again.

"You left like an assassin, maybe that's for the best

'Cause if you told me what would happen, I think I would've begged

So you gotta be a coward and I salvage a little self-respect"

Stiles thinks it's somehow good that Derek left without telling anyone, 'cause he knows for sure he would've begged Derek to stay, but sure, if Derek wanted to be a coward and run, well, at least he salvaged that little of self-respect...But he still wants Derek back, he's gotta be honest with himself about that.

[leansnbk]

I need some really REALLY sad sterek fics

Idk, just a little bit of pain for me if anyone has anything

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Any fics where Stiles goes to Derek for help or to stay with Derek because he has nowhere else to go? Either he’s been pushed out of his friend group or has a fight or misunderstanding with his father?

I think so.

The Promised Land by StaciNadia

(1/1 I 1,952 I General)

Pushed away from the pack, Stiles has had enough of Beacon Hills.

A Growl-to-English Dictionary by churkey

(4/4 I 14,866 I Teen)

In which Derek finds his words and Stiles learns to growl.

Til We Ain't Strangers Anymore by WriteByNight

(7/7 I 35,994 I Explicit)

Stiles should've expected Derek to suddenly disappear since the werewolf was in the habit of taking off without notice. However, Derek always showed up when they needed him.

As the weeks pass by, Stiles is no longer confused and a little hurt. What started as heartache begins to get worse the longer Stiles goes without seeing Derek. Eventually, his body begins to shut down and his only hope seems to be Derek...but nobody can find him.

There's no cure for a broken heart. Except, maybe, the cause for the broken heart himself.

- - -

Or the one where Derek takes off without warning and Stiles finds out he could be Derek's mate and the distance between Derek and Stiles, along with Derek's refusal to develop the bond, is slowly killing Stiles. Without Derek, Stiles will die, but no one knows where he is or how to contact him. And Stiles is barely keeping it together.

The Moon's Gonna Follow Me Home by turningterrific

(2/2 I 82,866 I Explicit)

Derek doesn’t want to call the window repair guy. He doesn’t want to sweep up the glass. He’ll inevitably miss a few shards and pull them out of the bottom of his bare feet for weeks.

He doesn’t want to try to make this place feel like home when it isn’t.

Derek stayed in Beacon Hills and tried to make it work because he wanted pack, wanted purpose. He gave his best effort and found himself back where he started: alone, with a few begrudging allies. He’s tired, and even though his werewolf body heals quickly, he feels the weary ache down to his center.

He packs his car with the few things he cares about enough to drag them from place to place. He locks the loft and calls a realtor about listing the building he’d bought in a misguided attempt to secure a future.

And then he leaves.

[imagine-sterek]

Imagine a No Hard Feelings Au where Derek is about to loose the land to his family home and needs money quick so he answers an ad where it’s asking for some one to date their son and get him out of his shell before he goes off to college and he’ll get paid. But things get serious when stiles actually falls in love with him.

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Sterek au, stiles who has been cursed to turn to stone and Derek his wolf guard for centuries, waiting for the curse to weaken and his beloved to return to him.

Or maybe just stiles who turns to stone during the day when Derek is a man. Coming alive during the night when Derek is forced back into wolf skin. Cursed sterek to be with each other but not exactly with each other.

[teencopandthesourwolf]

He freezes. Doesn't know what the hell else to do. 

He can't picture it: Derek can't remember the last time somebody put their arms around him. 

Was it Laura?

Of course it was Laura. How could he forget that? Derek has gotten pretty good at blocking things out—a little too good, it seems.

She didn't tell him anything before leaving New York. Didn't say a fucking word, just up and vanished. Derek had woken up one morning and she was gone, because she'd known without a shadow of a doubt that Derek would've only followed her if she'd have said a single word to him.

Nobody ever granted Derek’s wishes, no matter who he prayed to. Those desperate pleas where he asked to go back and get a chance to fix things, they all went unheard.

Laura left to go back to the place they both wished still existed just as it had; a place they were wanted alive, not dead. It wasn't fair that it was the very same place they would be hunted down if they did return, like the rabid animals the Argent's presumed they were.

Leaving the way they did meant they hadn't gotten the chance to see if anything was left at the house. They couldn't even mark graves, and grieve properly. 

That same place also happened to be the place they'd been born, the place they'd grown up and called home.

Derek had never wanted Laura to face all of that alone.

The burnt down house. The nothing where there was once everything.

The thought still haunts him. One of so many. 

Beacon Hills is home—but it's the home Derek had helped raze to the ground with his selfishness and stupidity. Everything he and Laura had ever known, everyone they'd ever loved, it was all gone, now. Derek had taken those things away from his sister and hadn't even had the guts to tell her. Tell Laura they were all gone because of him, tell her that everything that had happened to their family, to them, was all his fault.

In the aftermath of the fire Laura hugged Derek, and had kept hugging him, over and over in those weeks and months and years that followed. She would pull him into her arms hold him tight, whenever she could sense it was all getting to be too much for him again.

Alpha.

Big sister.

But Laura only knew about some of the reasons why it sometimes felt like too much effort for Derek to keep on breathing.

He never told her about Kate.

And Derek, the fucking coward, he'd allowed Laura to hold him, feeling the flames of shame on his cheeks every time, hot as those that took the lives of his parents. His family. His pack. 

Now, he remembers that last time. 

“I'm going out.” 

Laura stood up, walked around the two mismatched armchairs and stopped him by throwing both her arms around his neck, pulling him into her and hugging him, scenting him. 

It always took him a moment to respond these days, but Derek hugged her back. 

“What's this for?”

“You. Because I know whomever's bed you end up in tonight, you won't be asking for one of these.”

Oh, fuck no. Derek couldn't handle that. Did she think he was out sleeping with people? Never again, not after…

He pushed his sister off him, gently; a stark contrast to the harsh words that followed. 

“Don't fucking coddle me. And fuck you, Laura—I don't sleep in anybody's bed but my own.” A single mattress on the floor of the lounge of their shitty one bedroom apartment. Derek had so many shameful memories, and crawling into his sister's bed every night for the first year after the fire was one of them. “Just—leave me alone.”

Laura was the one—the only—person Derek had left in the entire world, yet his guilt was constantly pushing her away. 

“Where do you go to, little brother? You might not be clinging to me anymore, night after night, nightmare after nightmare, but you're rarely in your own bed most mornings.”

She hadn't meant it as a dig. Derek knew that. She was his sister, and she loved him.

Maybe she thought he was making progress? Seeing people. Moving on.

Derek spent his nights waiting outside of dive bars, and hanging around in back alleys and dark places, desperate to find scumbags to taunt who were big enough and hard enough to at least attempt to kick the living shit out of him.

Derek hated being a werewolf, now. He wanted to get hurt and stay hurt.

“Just—out.”

Then Derek turned his back on Laura, leaving her to stand there and watch him walk away as he left her to go out looking for a fight, without looking back. 

That was the last time somebody put their arms around Derek—and the last time he saw his sister alive.

It was two years ago. Derek doesn’t think he has taken a full breath, since. 

Now here he is—standing in his stupid big loft that he bought for his betas, yet another pack he managed to destroy—having given away more than he should, with skinny yet strong arms wrapping as far around his shoulders as they'll reach. 

Stiles.

“You don't have to hug back. But you can, if you want to. I won't tell,” the kid jokes. It's his way to connect, his connection to the world. A coping mechanism, Derek thinks.

He knows all about those.

“I…” he doesn't have the first fucking clue of how to handle this. Or how to admit he needs it—to himself, let alone somebody else. He doesn't know how to admit that he wants it. 

But this is Stiles. The one person in Derek's life who seems, for some unfathomable reason, to give a fuck about Derek. To care about him.

Slowly, very slowly, Derek lifts an arm and awkwardly rests a hand on Stiles's upper back, feels the muscles jump slightly under the kid's baggy clothes as he tentatively spreads his fingers and finds the back of Stiles's neck. 

Stiles's voice hitches just a touch as he says, “These can be on tap, you know. If you want them. Stilinski hugs are the best hugs, dude. Believe.”

And Derek finds he does believe. For the first time in forever, Derek believes there could be something good in his life again.

More confidently, now, he brings his other arm up to wrap around Stiles's waist and hugs Stiles tighter, properly, and allows himself to be hugged back.

Derek wonders how he has gone so long without this kind of closeness. Lived without this kindness.

He decides to let the 'dude' pass. Because maybe—maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, to be somebody's dude? 

Stiles's dude.

It's a fucking ridiculous moniker and yet Derek suddenly couldn't care less. 

“I think I'd like that,” he whispers into the forbidden place where Stiles's jaw meets long, pale neck. "Dude."

Derek can feel Stiles's smile as the kid squeezes him harder. And, ironically, Derek feels as if he can breathe again. 

.

for @greyhavenisback bc i want to hug you in person and can't <3 (unedited, forgive me!)

[z0mbie2b0y]

Younger!Stiles: I'm a fox! My name is Stiles. What's your name, kid?

Younger!Derek: Mine's Derek, I'm a werewolf

Now imagine that as a fanfic where the Hales and the Stilinski don't get along until Stiles and Derek become friends (of course, they have a sad but happy ending like applejacks parents)

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

I came up with an AU a long time ago but never shared it because it is nothing but angst. Consider yourself warned.

Imagine an AU where Stiles volunteers in the kids ward of the hospital. He plays games and cheers up the kids.

One day, Derek comes in to pick up Stiles from work and he notices one kid sitting on their own, not joining in with Stiles and the others. He sits with them and finds out that they were diagnosed with a terminal illness but are stable enough to go home, the problem is, their parents abandoned them because they couldn’t afford their child’s medical care.

After a few visits and a lot of discussion, Derek and Stiles take the child into their care. They give them the life that they deserve. Up until their condition worsens.

Inevitably, the child passes away. Derek and Stiles are heartbroken. Melissa reminds them that they gave that child a life they wouldn’t have had otherwise.

[hedwig221b]

HIIII can you list some of your favourite angst heart-wrenching sobbing sliding down the walls fics ? idc if it’s short or long i need some angst rnn please and thank uuu <3

Hi, sweetie! This was difficult for me, bc I'm a sucker for angst, basically all I read is angst and I have like 200 fics saved. Here's a looong list of the ones which I know for sure I can always come back to for some good old angst.

STEREK ANGST FIC RECS from HEDWIG221B

By Any Other Name by entanglednow

(Explicit, 33k, Amnesia, Violence)

He doesn't know his name, he doesn't know who he is, and neither does the werewolf he's on the run with. But he's pretty sure they hunt monsters, because they seem to be really good at it.

all roads they lead me here by spaceprincessem

(Teen, 39k, Mates, Emissary Stiles)

“Then why wouldn’t you be Derek’s emissary?” Stiles asked. He just wished Deaton would get to the fucking point. He was tired and he hated playing twenty questions to figure out what the older man was getting at.

“Derek’s emissary needs to be someone who he trusts completely,” Deaton explained, “and it’s time I passed on my wisdom and expertise to that person.”

The beat of silence between them stretched for too long before Stiles realized exactly who Deaton was talking about.

“Me?” He asked incredulously.

A Princely Knight by Dexterous_Sinistrous

(Mature, 25k, Medieval, Royalty, Pining)

He would stand by Stiles’ side, a constant shadow of protection until his death. A life for a life, one worth much more than an orphan turned thief turned royal guard could comprehend.

In truth, Derek saw the one person he would gladly give his life for, because Stiles made this world better.

~*~

Or, Stiles is a prince and Derek is his knight.

won't you torture someone else's sleep by redeyedwrath

(Gen, 3,6k, Pining)

I love you, Derek thinks, but he doesn’t say it, just watches Stiles throw his head back in laughter that isn’t for him and never will be. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Maybe if he thinks it hard enough, Stiles will hear him.

Wants & Needs by MadcapRomantic

(Explicit, 33k, ABO, Mating Run, Bad Peter)

Derek Hale has been participating in the Beacon Hills Mating Run for a decade, each year coming up without a mate. His mother, convinced this is his lucky year, persuades him to run one last time.

Enter Stiles, a young Omega with an unwanted Alpha nipping at his heels.

Family or not, Peter is determined to have Stiles.

But convinced they are True Mates, there isn't anything Derek won't do to keep Stiles safe.

To Whom The Wolf King Bows by MadcapRomantic

(Explicit, 108k, 14/?, Courting, Fantasy, Royalty)

Stiles Stilinski meets The Wolf King, the very boogeyman he'd spent his younger years terrified of; yet the man is little, if anything, like the tales he's heard. But, Stiles has spent the last ten years of his life as a slave, under the harsh whip of the cruel King Gerard Argent, and trusting Derek - trusting anyone - is beyond difficult.

xcaellachx

Just check out this author, there's some major angst in a lot of their works, a lot of ABO

Hung The Moon by nrnyx

(Explicit, 85k, ABO, Pack Dynamics, Heavy Angst)

Slowly Stiles got control of himself again. His heart calmed. His breathing evened out. The anger was gone. In its place, a bone-deep weariness settled. He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t survive this.

A gift worth giving by Nival_Vixen

(Mature, 2k, Historical Fantasy, Royalty)

A person’s virginity is not only the physical act itself, but also an object that can be gifted to someone else. Stiles has given his virginity to Derek, one of the soldiers in the King’s Guard. Despite his parting promise to return the next month, Derek still hasn’t returned two months later, and Stiles doubts that he ever loved him at all.

The Bargain by dr_girlfriend

(Teen, 9,7k, Arranged Marriage, Regency AU)

Time drags on, and it becomes apparent that this is not a part of the tradition. The wolves start to shift on their feet and murmur, but no one attempts to speak to Stiles. He stands, feeling the back of his neck growing red from the sun and his face growing red from embarrassment.

What will happen if Derek Hale cannot be coerced to the altar? Will the bargain be revoked?

Perception by DiscontentedWinter

(Mature, 5,4k, Horror, Nogitsune, Murder)

Peter Hale's client is a murderous sociopath. The best thing Peter can do is get him committed to Eichen House, where he'll never see daylight again.

He thinks.

The Omega Spark by misteeirene

(Explicit, 62k, ABO, Alive Hales, Pack Dynamics)

John lived a sad and lonely life after the death of his wife, until one day when he noticed someone had breaking into his home while he was at work.

Second Chances by rootbeer

(Gen, 2,6k, Soulmates)

"A lot of times the ‘markings’ were common, simple things you said to strangers all the time. 'Excuse me'; 'thank you'; 'hello'. Some got extremely romantic things like 'it’s you isn’t it? I’ve been waiting for you' or 'Wow you’re really pretty'. And they were always the first words their soulmate would ever say to them.

Of course, having 'You are the fucking worst kind of person in the world' tattooed down your side, didn’t bode well. How fucked up was Stiles Stilinski that even his fucking Soulmate hated him? High School had been a special kind of hell when all the kids learned what his tattoo said—despite his best efforts to keep it a secret."

My Wolf by Dexterous_Sinistrous

(Teen, 7,6k, ABO, Full-shift werewolves, Pack Dynamics)

“If he wants to mate Stiles, why not let him?” Jackson asked, ready to part with Stiles if need be.

“Because if I did that, I’d be demoting Lydia,” Alpha Stilinski replied.

“We don’t even know how good of a Beta he is,” Lydia countered, bristling some that her status was being challenged.

“That’s because he’s not a Beta,” Alpha Stilinski stated. “He’s an Alpha.”

I Shouldn't Love you Anymore by wulfarchival (wyrmwolf)

(Mature, 2,2k, Established sterek, Feral Derek)

After Stiles divorces Derek under mysterious reasons, Derek moves out into the middle of nowhere loosing himself to the wolf after the ache in his chest becomes too much. But after weeks of being lost to an animal someone he thought he'd never see again returns in his life.

This time to stay forever.

Cut to the Bone by standinginanicedress

(Explicit, 112k, ABO, Secret Relationship)

“Not that it’s any of your god damn business, but my name is Stiles. Do you need something?”

The alpha grins. All teeth, shiny white, straight as an arrow. He’s got this sculpted perfection to him that Stiles is sure has worked on all the omegas he’s ever encountered before, but Stiles stands his ground and narrows his eyes. “A date.”

Stiles looks him up and down, slowly, from the black shoes on his feet, to his uniform khakis and blazer littered with pins, to his face. He frowns, makes a face, and says, “pass.”

Life After This by Nimpalous

(Mature, 5,1k, Violence, MCD, Soul Bond, I consider this having a HE)

Feeling his weight shift backwards over the ledge when another bullet hit, Stiles closed his eyes and whispered the name of his beloved as he fell.

“Derek…”

Derek woke up with an agonising scream, his body curling in on itself in pain. He wasn’t aware of having wolfed out, he didn’t know he was clawing himself as he clutched at his head, willing the agony to go away… but to no avail.

Daybreak by TheObsidianQuill

(Mature, 70k, Time Travel, Mates, ptsd!Stiles)

"There . . ." Stiles swallowed and looked down at the bottle in his grasp as he slowly swirled the amber liquid inside. "There's really nothing left. For me. Everyone is . . . gone, and it feels like I haven't thought of tomorrow in years." His words rang in the air like a gunshot, he took another heavy drink. "I would trade every last breath I take to just have another shot—not even a guarantee, just a chance to make things right and bring back even one of them."

The pack was gone. He had nothing left. He had no one. With nothing to lose, Stiles puts everything on the line to go back in time to try to prevent the future from becoming his past. Broken, guarded, and haunted by his past, only one overgrown-pup of a wolf seems able to get past his defenses. Changing the future? Easy. Finding a place for himself in the Hale Pack? Impossible.

It seems wasted now by DaaroMoltor

(Teen, 48k, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, Stiles is pushed out of the pack)

It's been months. Months of lonely days and lonelier nights.

And Stiles can't understand what he did wrong.

Under Glass by calrissian18

(Mature, 6,6k, Pining, Cursed Stiles)

The pack goes looking for a cursed artifact. Stiles would really like to go back to the time before he found it, thanks.

Time To Say Goodbye by matildajones

(Teen, 34k, Time Travel, Mates, HE)

Derek finds an older version of himself at his front door, along with Stiles, a boy from the future.

Emissary by dragon_temeraire

(Teen, 3,7k, Alive Hales, Bonding)

To keep the peace, Stiles agrees to be emissary to the Hale pack.

One Thread by RurouniHime

(Mature, 11k, Established sterek, Grief, HE)

In the middle of the night, his dad comes into the room and crawls onto the bed behind him, easing Stiles into the vee of his legs. He settles back against the headboard with a groan and doesn’t say anything for a long time. Stiles wraps his arms around one of his dad’s legs, presses his cheek to warm flannel, and tries to be still.

“Oh, kid,” his dad exhales. His hand comes down on the side of Stiles’ neck and his fingers press gently. “I never wanted you to know this pain.”

(Or, Derek dies. Stiles reacts Badly.)

[sterekmpreg]

I DON’T REMEMBER

Stiles’ eyebrows furrowed together as he looked down at the floor in hard concentration. “I… I don't remember,” Stiles says as he looks around himself doubtfully. Stiles glances up into Derek's concerned green eyes and catches a glimpse of the wavering hope behind them. “Derek… What’s-” Stiles stops himself and looks back at the ground clearly upset that he couldn't apprehend what was happening.

Derek knows. He understands what Stiles wants to ask but can't seem to find the words to put them together. ‘What's happening?’ Derek finishes in the back of his mind. He knows the answer too. All the way at the end of his senses where he's been pushing it for months, he knows, but he can't bring himself to actually accept it. Couldn't accept that his mate’s worst fear was coming true. That Stiles was becoming his mother. That he was losing himself all together, entangled in his own mind thoughtlessly and incoherent.

Stiles' head snaps to the living room when a deafening cry of distress is heard from an infant. This seems to snap Stiles out of whatever circumstances he’d stood in as he exhaled sharply, observing his father and Peter try to soothe Eli from the recliner in the corner of the dimly lit room. “Eli,” Stiles lets out softly before Derek turns loose his grasp on Stiles, watching his spouse misstep slightly as he moves swiftly to seize their son from Eli’s grandfather. Noah stands and allows Stiles to accept the chair, the mother softly cooing at his son as if nothing had just taken place. Like Derek hadn’t just witnessed Stiles continue to slowly, but undoubtedly, slip away from him…. From their family.

Derek watches Stiles holding their baby, a clear expression of helplessness and grief stuck on his expression. His eyes unquestionably held back unshed tears. Noah’s hand found its position gently resting on his son-in-law's shoulder, carefully coaching Derek out of the opening before Peter locked it without a sound. “We need to tell him it’s happening,” Noah declares just above a whisper as they monitor Stiles apprehensively, “he’s going to despise it but he’ll hate us if we don’t tell him now.”

Derek jerks his head quickly and presses his lips together tightly, “It’s not… He just forgets things sometimes,” Derek tries. He understands it’s no help, the other men comprehend what’s occurring just as sufficiently as he does, but that doesn’t suggest Derek ever desires to acknowledge it. To admit that he was relinquishing the only thing that had delivered him contentment after the fire. The only thing that made everything alright even though it wasn’t. He couldn’t accept that, and the other two also understood Derek was just diverting to console himself, and they weren’t going to look down on that.

Noah sighs and runs his hands over his face, at an unconditional defeat on what to do or enunciate now. “Derek… Noah understands how difficult this is. He went through it too. Now he's trying to support you and his son…. Please, hear him out,” Peter says desperately. Derek stares at his husband as Stiles sways Eli, who's merely a few months old, and he simply wants to howl and whine. To break down. “That's not fair,” Derek chokes out as he fights back the tears, “I mean, we've all gone into a room and forgot why we went in there before.” Peter sighs and looks up at the ceiling as he delays his own tears. “We don't forget that we’re freezing and stand there for 10 minutes just staring blankly at nothing when we do though, kid… He's not-” Noah cuts himself off and chews his lip as he glares away at the floor, as if the wooden floorboards were to blame, “He’s gonna be Stiles until he's not.”

Derek allows the first tears to drop and his throat burns as he holds his breath to restrain himself from whimpering. “This only happens every 6 months, Derek. It'll get worse and occur more constantly. You could have anywhere from another year to a few more years, but he's gonna lose himself over them. Gradually. And you're gonna be stuck watching him give up even when he doesn't want to. You're gonna mourn him emotionally before you ever can physically, and when he's actually gone, it's both going to transpire all over again. If you love my son, Derek, you’re gonna need to accept this. Right now. Because I made the oversight of behaving like it wasn't going to get worse and that Claudia would just stop and start to get better… And Stiles got hurt because of that,” Noah whispers as he stared at Derek, who's now gasping back sobs, in the eye. “I'm not going to lie to you. It's gonna tear you apart to see him go through this. And when it's really bad, and he reaches those extraordinarily fleeting instants of himself, he's going to plead with you to kill him because he doesn't want to put anyone through what his mother put us through. He'll attempt and kill himself when he's left unattended and fully there. He's going to beg you to take off with Eli so you don't have to monitor it happening… so he doesn't hurt you and your son. But if you love him, you'll stay… Because he needs you,” the sheriff states as he lets out a silent sob, “and if you quit you will regret losing those few moments you could have left with him. So if you are going to leave, Derek, you ought to do it now. You need to take off while he can comprehend why. You need to at least promise you're gonna stay right now, or leave right now.”

Derek's lungs felt like they were on fire from holding back the loud sobs he wanted to let out and his eyes stung as the infinite tears rolled down his face. Peter soothed Derek through his own tears, patting his nephew on the back and sniffling slightly. Derek articulates a pained whine before seizing a shaky breath and nodding. “I told him in sickness and in health…. I'm staying,” Derek says firmly as they all look back to Stiles and Eli. Stiles was Stiles now. Stiles was himself and was sleeping in their living room with their son held on his chest, a small smile on both of their faces. Stiles was Stiles and Derek was going to love him, even when he could no longer be Stiles.

[teenwolftuesdaytrash]

Derek stands by the window and watches as Stiles’ reflection appears and leans by the doorframe.

He ran away from their conversation (confrontation?) earlier, and Stiles is kind enough to follow at a more sedate pace.

Derek expects a reprimand, a word vomit of how not-okay it is to just run off mid very important conversation. But Stiles keeps quiet, arms crossed, face carefully neutral. He looks unimpressed by his tantrum but determined to patiently wait him out.

The rush of confusion and jumbled mess of thoughts in his head make Derek cave in.

“I don’t even know you,” he continues from where he left off earlier, “but I remember…I remember loving you.

He can see Stiles hold his breath.

“I remember a pool,” Derek goes on, “I remember you and me in a car with my arm bleeding. I remember watching you leave.”

He looks away from Stiles’ reflection and into the trees.

“I remember leaving. And then staying. For you.”

Derek clenches his hands into fists, his claws coming out and digging into his palm as the frustrating block of darkness sips into his mind again.

“I can’t remember who I am, where I am, or anything else. I don’t remember you. But I remember loving you.”

He wants to look at Stiles again, but also not. He chooses the latter as he gives in to the question at the tip of his tongue.

“Did you…love me, too?”

“Yes.”

Stiles is standing straighter when Derek whips around to face him and his answer. His arms are now at his sides, and there’s a furrow between his brows as he takes a careful step towards Derek.

“Yes, but you didn’t know. I didn’t tell you,” he keeps walking towards Derek until they’re much closer in front of each other, “and you never told me.”

There’s a challenge and confrontation in those last words, but Derek doesn’t have an answer. Only more questions.

“So what does that make us?” he asks. Because Stiles is the one with the answers, Derek also remembers that.

Stiles gives him a look of disbelief for a moment, an unspoken how dare you turn this on me on the upturn of his brow and the slight opening of his lips.

Then he drops his head, huffs, a disguised laugh Derek thinks.

“That makes us two morons who have a lot to talk about. And a lot of dates to go on.”

Stiles shakes his head and gives Derek another look. He searches for something there, seems to find it.

Then, without any more hesitation, he takes Derek’s hand and leads him back out of the room, “after we get your memory back, you big failwolf.”

Derek remembers how easy it is to just hold onto Stiles and follow.

Part 2

[stereklyrics]

When Derek left Beacon Hills suddenly and without saying goodbye; Stiles was heartbroken because he thought they were getting somewhere, he thought that they could be something after that kiss they shared, not that someone knows about the kiss though.

Lydia is Stiles' best friend/sister so she knows better but Stiles keeps lying even to her. Stiles keeps saying "I know we never kissed or whatever, but I really thought he liked me too, Lyds. I really did. I don't understand why he just ran away."

A year goes by and now Stiles keeps saying to Lydia "I'm over him, I know I am." Lydia doesn't believe him, but if Stiles wants to keep lying to himself about it then she can do nothing but be there for her best friend/brother.

Derek comes back and Stiles is surprised of how easy it is to fall back into their old habits of saving each other and being flirty about it.

Lydia notices that and she goes to Stiles and says "So much for the 'I'm over him', huh?" and Stiles replies saying "But I am!" Lydia rolls her eyes and says "Sure, and falling right back into old habits so easily is being over someone?" Stiles sighs and says "Okay sure, I'm not over him. But I don't think anything will come from it, so it's better if I keep pretending I am over him, until I really am" Lydia sighs and says "You're really blind if you think Derek doesn't love too." and Stiles surprises her by saying "Oh, I know he does." and Lydia is confused and asks "Then why you don't think anything will come from it?" Stiles shrugs a bit and says "I lied to you when I said we never kissed. We did. Once. And the next day he wasn't here anymore. He doesn't want a relationship, and I can't do the 'friends with benefits' thing, you know I'm all or nothing and in this case it's pretty clear it has to be nothing." Lydia is contemplating and eventually she says "But Derek came back, that has to mean something, right?" to which Stiles replies with a "Not really." Lydia rolls her eyes and says "Go ask him about it." Stiles says "I don't want to." and Lydia asks "Why?" Stiles replies "I don't want to ruin our friendship. And I don't think my heart can take him leaving again."

Au vaguely based on Tornado Warnings by Sabrina Carpenter