#step 2: get Taken
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theyre a married couple looking for a third and they found one! :D (by picking them up off the streets)
mridula (they/them) belongs to @basedkalim
#twisted wonderland#mirror#vil#d.art#d.oc#this au is sooo something#they have an unofficial third who is rook but hes just like#freeloading i think#honestly idk what hes up to i just wanted him to be another annoyance for mri#how to get urself 3 partners#step 1: be cute#step 2: get Taken#step 3: ?????#step 4: profit
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side
#chenford#chenfordedit#the rookie#therookieedit#tim x lucy#jesuis-assez edits: chenford season 2#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x10#I really didn't want to gif a single frame of Caleb. But I did want to gif this scene. So sacrifices had to be made 🤣#Absolute INSANE behavior Tim. INSANE! and yet justified given how much of a piece of sh-- Caleb turned out to be. He had creepy vibes#from the get go. It's interesting how Tim said that Lucy hesitated with Caleb.#The only hesitancy (and frustration) I detect is this conversation taking place while Tim is there and Lucy being very aware of that.#And Tim at the end handing her the paper. Lucy observing how he's acting and how quickly he shifted into protective mode. Tim standing#there with a part of him not feeling right about this whole thing & later projecting that as Lucy being the one who didn't.#He was overwhelmed by his guilt and in such anguish. Just falling apart at the thought of losing her because he gave her advice#as a friend and not as her training officer. Something awful happening to someone else. To Lucy... collecting more guilt#and piling it on top of all the other times that happened. That someone suffered because of 'his actions'#Neither Tim or Lucy saw this sadistic monster coming. And Tim may not have suspected him...#But there was something about Caleb and that interaction that had Tim stepping into that role of the fierce protector.#And Tim isn't only emitting protective energy here...🟢 * Puts a green circle there and doesn't elaborate * Yaass queen give us nothing 🤣#The green circle of jealousy and Tim is standing inside of it.#But he's also coming across as distrustful of Caleb's intentions which is not alarming as they're in the midst of the chaos#surrounding a serial killer. It's rather expected to be that way. It's how Tim said he should've known. He should've suspected him.#He's a cop. And yet he started interrogating like a cop would & as if he were a suspect. Asking for a last name. What he does for a living.#He behaved in that way for a reason. So something definitely felt off but the need to be Lucy's friend in that moment#that he encouraged her to go out with him came before his instinct to be a cop or even her T.O .#In other words... He prioritized Lucy and what he thought she needed. He shifted the focus from the case onto her by#suggesting she focus on something else. And when she was taken... that focus on her became heightened by the gravity of the situation.#+ The EYE CONTACT. Tim & Lucy having their own private moment. The silent communication between them while Caleb rambles on#in the background about something unimportant. I have so much more to say but I've reached my tag limit 🤣*whispers with feeling* f**k..
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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♰ ⋅⋆ ─── Comic Log 001 ─── ⋆⋅ ♰
Another silly wip i'm working on~ ヾ(*´ ∇ `)ノ
I'm trying to setup the scene where they negotiate with Ubba and Guthrum, so the first part dialogue is just 1-to-1 with the show.
But the second part is going to be my own dialogue lmao which means ... well. (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧🌈✨❤️🔥
It's still in super doodle stage so it might take awhile to finish up \(; v ;)/ i just thought this panel came out looking quite cute aha.
#wahhhh just wanted to share my silly wips again#tbh i've been feeling soooo tlk art blocked because all i could think abt was dialogue for this comic but i couldn't get myself to draw it#i was like i want to draw this scene and that scene and this scene BUT IDK HOW ╥﹏╥#finally today i just sat down and decided to lay down the doodles at least because it was gnawing at my brain so bad#tbh i haven't even refined the dialouge for pt 2 yet lmao but i have a rough idea ahaha ;))#also this is going to take quiteee a while to finish i mean it's in super rough stages but at least i've taken the first step! \(; v ;)/#tlk alfred#tlk uhtred#tlk fanart#alfred x uhtred#uhtred x alfred#alhtred#my favorite medieval gays#i will go down with this ship#art wip#my art#comic log#comic wip
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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Thank you for offering your askbox. I've been thinking that Izzy being just a side character whose story wasn't main plot thread makes even better proof that not everything was well planned? If I was a writer and this would be easily the most discussed topic about the finale, I'd reflect on storytelling decisions I made. There's a good reason why Izzy's fate overshadows everything despite that he wasn't the point of the show.
(Post posted 10/31/23) Feel free to comment below if you agree or disagree, we're all here for discussions.
Thank you so much for this amazing question!! [If you're seeing this and want to discuss some aspect of S2, or my thoughts on OFMD overall, SEND ME AN ASK! I love doing this]
TLDR: Vague characterization from historical records means Jenkins is free to bend history without a lot of guilt. During early days of casting and during scene changes Jenkins got inspired by Con's audition tape. Con was told to play this shit as a Jesus/Judas relationship. An amazing performance in S1 keeps the character relevant in fandom spaces in the hiatus, and in Jenkin's mind for S2. The S1 season finale accidentally reveals a really interesting dynamic in Ed/Izzy's relationship. [Speculation from this point on] Jenkins feels like he needs to explore, with little plans to fully explore it. Fleshing out both Ed/Izzy abuse and love.
Jenkins realizes 'Oh shit, Izzy wasn't supposed to be this' midway through S2. But he still follows his original plan in killing him off, because he's not needed for the story in his outline, leading to him accidentally killing off a character as they're growing and healing. Leading to what some consider a move SO off-brand for the show, they are leaving the fandom.
[*Tin Foil Hat On*] I expect the original cut of S2 to include more scenes of the crew. I bet for every other Izzy scene, we got a crew scene. So when 'extra' not plot-relevant scenes had to get cut, they kept the Izzy scenes due to Izzy's stable arc, the fact that he'd die at the end either way and Con's amazing performance.
EXPLINATION AND DEPTH BELOW! It's a long one. A lot of this post will be speculation, interviews from Jenkins, and highly dependent on if you were in fandom between seasons 1 and 2. If you need me to hunt for sources, I can do that for you.
I'll separate everything into a chronological timeline as much as possible.
Before we touch on why Jenkins wrote Izzy to stick out in the story, we need to assume how he outlined this entire show.
Pre Con O'Neill:
I am of the personal belief that Jenkins likely wrote out an imagined arc for Ed and Stede. Including a lot of cool set pieces, fights, etc. for the three seasons he wanted vaguely based on the real lives of Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach(watch a YouTube vid documenting their history, it's a wild ride) turning it into something explicitly romantic. This is easy enough to do, as most of what we know about them was written YEARS after their deaths.
Next was filling in the cast. This is where we get our crew, mostly characters Jenkins made up, as very little is known of the men either sailed with.
Izzy Hands being a pirate under the age of 18 whose notable actions with Blackbeard include- Captaining his own vessel, running a ship aground, being Blackbeard's first mate, and getting shot by Blackbeard maybe on accident.
[THEORY] So. If you're any writer you see that and think 'cool a side character we know almost nothing about'. You slot him in as being Edward's one thing keeping him to the pirate lifestyle. Not necessarily romantic, but a serious Boss/underling relationship. This is a bit of how Izzy was written in S1 UNTIL-
Con O'Neill is cast as Izzy.
In interview, Jenkins has admitted that Con's audition tapes influenced how he wrote Izzy. As a writer, this shouldn't necessarily be ringing red flags. But he has gone on record as admitting to changing the script before shooting to suit Con. IN SEASON 1. My guess is Izzy at the end of episode 10 was meant to be more of a side character. Another Frenchie, or Wee John, who serves their purpose and then gets pushed to the side by the plot.
But at some point, Jenkins wrote how important the dynamic was between Ed and Izzy. Describing Izzy/Ed to Con before filming S1 of a 'Jesus and Judas' relationship like in Jesus Christ Superstar.
If you tell a (then closeted) queer actor who has been playing queer roles since the 1990s that his leather daddy character was having a Jesus&Judas JSC dynamic in a TV show that respects and celebrates queerness? 🤩 MY GOD.
[Speculation] That's how we get an Izzy Hands who is watching the man in front of him slip away, trying to dig his heels in. Hell, if I were Jenkins, I'd be adding a few more lines for Izzy to be pissed just to see Con have fun in the role. Let him be mad. Let him be in the background of scenes just glaring. Let us see a man slowly lose something he's built up his whole life.
[As mentioned from Comic Con- From Con O'Neill] This was important for me to bring up as Jenkins could have said 'henchman' but he didn't. Hell, when Taika and Con did hair and makeup they'd listen to the JCS cast album. It was a choice on both their parts.
[ovservation from here on out] Con plays it up, and a lot of queer fans saw this and grabbed hold of a man so desperate to keep the man he loved close that he sacrifices almost everything for it (Izzy also signs the Act of Grace to get Ed out of there).
Izzy, in a show full of openly queer people, is still on the fringe of society. SO MANY queers saw this and said 'OMG me'. ME INCLUDED. With a super supportive actor who genuinely is respectful of the fandom? Of art, and fic and meta? The Izzy 'Canyon' became so loyal because Con is a Queer Elder we didn't know we all needed in our lives!
Jenkins accidentally wrote into what could be an amazing story of a queer character living in a homophobic society where he learns to open himself up. All without ever writing a 'coming out' scene for Izzy. Jenkins knows this. Hell, since S1 Izzy fans have been telling him how cool that type of arc would be.
Now here comes the issue of where to take a side character, when you have loose plans for them.
S1 IS TIGHTLY WRITTEN ONTO ITSELF... S2?
Something we might forget now is HOW tightly written Izzy's falling out with Ed is tied into Stede and Ed falling in love. Beat per beat, Izzy is shoved away as Stede takes his place. That's really fucking smart. So smart, it was planned in the writer's room. The fact that some took it as romantic, that Ed could ever really love him back? Well...this is where Jenkins had a decision to make.
So he dips his toe. Let's make Ed even more violent than at the end of S1ep10. Let's include the bit where Blackbeard shoots Izzy Hands. Let's have Izzy confess his love for Ed and have it not be enough for Ed to change his mind. Let's show Izzy rising like a phoenix reborn after a failed suicide attempt where Izzy chooses to mutiny on Ed to protect the crew. Let's see Izzy growing. Because Jenkins loves Con's performance. Everyone in the cast enjoys him as a person. Let's give Izzy one last hurrah.
Jenkins knows this character meant a lot to Con. It's obvious in the way Jenkins recently confessed he told Con about Izzy's death midway through shooting. Sadly we likely will never be told when Con was told. But imagining Con filming the AMAZING character change of S2eps 1-2, then AFTER being told Izzy would die anyway? Oh. I wouldn't be alright. Not after all his fans had spent the last year telling him how much seeing a character like Izzy 'being accepted because they are worthy of love'.
This is the 1 thing that fucks me up. Not telling Con until midway through shooting, Versus his belief that writing Izzy's death was a fitting way to end his story. BOTH CAN'T BE TRUE. Right? If Jenkins felt the need to take con aside and go grab a meal to announce Izzy was dying but then market the ending as a 'Good Idea'. Then...What? If Con felt it fit the character, then he would have likely guessed Izzy would die. But that wasn't the vibe in the fandom at the time. It feels like a decision Jenkins made this season.
Because yes, some general audiences predicted that Izzy would die. But when your core fanbase for a character don't expect it, you didn't plan the death correctly. Fuck, I thought Izzy was trying to RECOVER this whole season. Not that Izzy was hiding how hard he was struggling. That's not a good sign when I've ALWAYS called Izzy as some brand of suicidal/depressed.
[Quote from Jenkins Entertainment Article: Oct 26 2023] 'What's the best journey we can give him(Izzy)? And what's the most interesting thing we can do with Con, who can do just about anything?'
That is not the quote of an author who has planned everything out. That's a writer who knows points A and E and is fighting to find everything in between.
The Fly in My Ointment
There's a point most writers know when a character or story slips out from under you. You didn't mean for this to happen. Hell, I write Scene by Scene outlines. My stories change. When Izzy Hands' growth arc became the most interesting part of S2, Jenkins had a choice.
How far was he willing to bend his idea to keep a character that wasn't 'essential'? Not that fucking far apparently. Because for some reason, Jenkin's labeled Izzy in his mind as 'Blackbeard' and tied Ed and Izzy's fates together. Ignoring how this season Izzy died to separate his old life with Ed from his new life with this crew.
Your question poses it perfectly- If I was a writer and this would be easily the most discussed topic about the finale, I'd reflect on storytelling decisions I made. There's a good reason why Izzy's fate overshadows everything despite that he wasn't the point of the show.
That's a trick they teach you in some writing podcasts. That in the end, you are telling one story. You can have twenty side characters and a romance arc, but in the end, you are telling one story. Each side character is going to show what happens when you fail or succeed at the central thesis.
What do we have in S1? What does Frenchie sing to set up where our story STARTS-
"A pirate’s life, [it’s] short but nice,” -“we won’t live long,” AND “to death we go, a certain death we go.”
Our characters expect a short simple life of what most pirates EXPECT. In my mind, this story has ALWAYS been about survival. From the extravagance of Stede's ship, and a crew ready to throw him overboard, to the barebones Shark eats Shark type of survival described in Ed's own fleet. OFMD is about living in a world that doesn't want you there. About surviving and thriving. About these two men from different worlds coming together and forging a life of kindness for them and for their family.
Saying fuck you, I'm here, I'm still alive, and I'm going to THRIVE. I deserve kindness, happiness, love, and a fully lived life. I deserve to spend my short time on this Earth happy.
IN S2? The ONLY character that matches this thesis is Izzy. After scenes of Izzy struggling. Of finding himself. Of crawling up from his own personal hell, Izzy dies. He dies from a random bullet wound in the same spots that didn't kill Stede or Ed in the previous season. Breaking the one established rule for wounds in this universe that the left side is the safe side so that Izzy can die.
Even if Izzy spent this entire season wanting to die, he tried to live. For a few days after a breakup of over 20+ years of casual intimacy. Of a bond where Izzy was the murderer, the brawn. The dangerous right hand. Where Izzy dying meant not just his death, but likely that of Ed. Given the man's constant depressive moods, crews that didn't like him, and reoccurring suicidal tendencies. Ed didn't need Izzy Hands anymore. Ed had Stede now. He was ready to finally leave Izzy for good. What will Izzy Hands do now?
He gave up. He tried to move on. He listened after being told he was too rough, too loud, too mean. He tried. He tried to survive this new way of life surrounded by people who supported him. But he was tired. After so many years of putting up a mask, tearing it down was too much work. So he wanted to die. In the end. Izzy died in the arms of Edward surrounded by his family.
Buried on a plot of land Jenkins has already told us Stede and Ed will leave when things get boring. Left behind like the corpse of a pet the family has forgotten. Buried without his ring and cravat, items Izzy is only seen without when he's naked. Without the prosthetic gifted to him by a family that cared about him.
Izzy wasn't mourned for more than five seconds, before Stede and Ed were making jokes on his fresh grave, and then the episode moves on to a wedding.
RIP Izzy Hands- a man who loved more than he was ever loved in return.
Was this the right message? FUCK No. But for those of us who believed that theme of queer survival and community- We saw framing Izzy's death like this as a fucking betrayl.
Izzy Hands isn't buried with his most prized possessions- they're left out to be stolen or rot in the front yard. With only one man crying over his death and a silent funeral. He leaves this world without more than a 'he was intense'. Which...isn't great coming from the man Izzy loved for most of his life.
The reason why we're mad about Izzy isn't that it's Izzy. It's that when we boarded this flight we were given a set of rules to follow. It's a comedy about men falling in love on a boat that sometimes gets serious. That's it. To watch a character start to grow only to die for NO PLOT SPECIFIC REASON. Is insulting. If your death has no tie to the narrative (sacrifice or it comes with a revelation) it's a death just set up for shock. Izzy and Ed could have had that deathbed confession talk at the start of episode 7.
A REASON WHY I'M MAD BEYOND THAT SPECIFICALLY. [Very Personal Gripe]
A SALUTE TO CON O'NEILL -AGAIN!
I had the privilege of hyper-fixating on this show from the entirety of S1 ending to S2 beginning. During this time I explored the catalog of Con O'Neill's work on Tumblr under the tag 'Conography'. I watched this man play queer roles since the 1990s. Genderqueer/somewhere on the Trans spectrum, Gay, Bi. This man loves to play a queer story, even if it's sad. If it's tragic. He will breathe new life into their lungs and express their moments of Joy. Of love. Of community.
After the filming of S2 at a con, Con he felt comfortable publicly coming out due to the love and support he felt from our fandom. Do you know JUST how crazy that is? That Con KNEW Izzy was dead, yet he loved our fandom so much he let himself be vulnerable, and come out as queer? It's fucking INSANE to me, and shows just how much this show means to him.
He's not just Queer. He's a Queer fucking elder whose been protective of this entire community since S1. This 57-year-old man has proudly stood up in the name of Trans rights this entire time. Treating everyone, but especially Trans Izzy fans with so much fucking respect. Trans Izzy is a common headcanon partially because of how comfortable people feel knowing they won't get harassed because they interpret Izzy a certain way. That trans people feel at home seeing themselves as a misunderstood character with a chip on their shoulder.
I'm pissed for every in universe thing listed above AND NOW THIS. Because our Queer Elders are dead. There is a generation of Queer people we can never get back. They died from a mix of society pressuring these people into the closet or an early grave. Of disease running wild in communities unchecked. Of media ruining the careers of anyone who dared to come out. To see Con O'Neill So Fucking Happy and having it cut short because Jenkins thought Izzy was better dead than being an actual background character makes me see fucking red.
No. Jenkins probably didn't know Con was Queer when writing S2. But I'm assuming he still saw how happy Con was at Izzy fans before S2 was written which still makes it feel shitty.
Sure. Give Izzy all the amazing speeches about family and belonging and rip that right from his hands as soon as Izzy realizes it's something he might want for himself. Let's have Con O'Neill say all the prominent lines that are a blatant metaphor for why the Queer community needs to stick together.
Izzy's arc isn't just overshadowing the conversation because it was mismanaged and feels unplanned, it also just feels cruel to the central arc of this series. Add that to an actor who was so vocal about loving this community, it feels pointed to give him a tragic ending.
Jenkins doesn't need to consider why people hated this finale. Because there are SO MANY Ed/Stede fans who just don't care. They put Izzy in the box with every other side character and decided to put their effort into the protagonists and point and laugh when we suffer. Jenkins won't rethink anything because he can just say the 'Izzy community was passionate and are sad their favorite died'. Ignoring how this season made Stede into a shittier, less sympathetic captain and gave Ed an interesting arc only to give up before the finish line.
#Now. I didn't bring up how viewing Izzy as being useless post disability ALSO pissed people off but there are posts everywhere about that#physical disability is not my place so I don't overstep#THE WAY IZZYS DEATH WOULD WORK SO MUCH BETTER IF HE STEPPED INFRONT OF A BULLET MEANT FOR STEDE#Or that post floating around of Ed getting shot for Izzy. Showing that yes. Ed cares. that they're both fucked but are working on it#If most of the fan base hates the *implications* for S3 thanks to this ending it wasn't the right move#GOD I DIDN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT THE DAD/MENTOR THING. Ah well#it's taken me 3 hours to type this up. I'll add later if it needs be lol#ofmd s2#ofmd season 2#ofmd s2 spoilers#izzy hands#ofmd s2 finale#ofmd critical#ofmd meta#omfd analysis#israel hands
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can our parents please stop
#we asked if they could watch our dog for a few hours so we could go to our step dads birthday party#they said okay#its been barely 2 1/2 hours and theyre already getting impatient like 'you could e taken her with you'#maybe dont say something is okay if its not bc we WOULD HAVE brought her w us if you said you cant watch her it would have been fine#im so fucking tired#i cant even say anything bc thats gonna start an argument that will be my fault no matter what and be used as manipulation later
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#i still can't read fics for most of my favorite fandoms or pairings#because i still feel like all existing fics are better than my own writing#and i get very very bitter and i have to step away because that is Not a headspace i want to go down#i think i'm just going to have to take an extended break from fandom#and continue my hiatus of 2-3 months by this point#i think finishing college and starting my first job and moving out have taken more out of me than i realized#after 3 months of a 3hour commute i'm finall living 15 min from my workplace but even with that gone#i still have very little energy#and also#other stuff about fandom and my abillity to formulate opinions and have convictions#which i cannot and will not articulate here because that's like level 10 friendship/therapists only#so i just avoid writing#but yeah#step back and stay back it is#negativity cw
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My adhd and possible autistic ass is LOVING the course I'm in 🥲💛
#they have complete step by step guides to scenarios. like. every step.#you talk aloud while doing the hands on training#all of the homework is factual black and white type questions#we get a 10 minute break every 2 hours and our hour long lunch#ive had such bad experiences with academics this feels super nice to be learning again#and also all the people who've taken this class over 5 times love me i feel like a little purse dog
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OUGH I could have exactly gotten my fucking bus but I thought the next one left in 30mins so I took up my brother on his offer to come get me so I didn't go to the bus stop but to where he can pick me up so I didn't see the fucking bus 😭
#I could have gotten home earlier!!! FUCKKKK#I wouldn't have gotten this bus if I'd taken the bus at work to the city I only made it bc 2 guys from work took me with them#(which is very cool and nice of them btw)#but I only looked up what busses I have to take to get home from the work bus stop#and I wouldn't have gotten that bus from there so it didn't show it to meeeeeeee#AUGH#fucked up#if I'd gone like 10 steps further I would have seen it at the bus stop...#or if my brother had taken 1 min more to answer...#or if I'd taken one more minute to call him back...#FUCKED up#doddie redet#WHATEVER IT'S LITERALLY NOT THAT BAD I'M FINE IT'S FINE
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are there ppl who dont like the opening to tp..... okay ummmm anyways
#i love that the opening is slow i think its a rly great way to show links like. hes just some guy fr like yes hes like the chosen hero or#wever but he is like. some guy and i think its rly effective to get to wander around his little village and see how close he is with#everybody in the village and esp the kids#its more impactful that way when hes like. Pulled into his quest and all of this . like tp spoilers i guess LOL but the kids getting taken#wouldnt be as impactful if link like. didnt interact at all#like if you wake up go outside and then boom the kids r gone thats lame#i think its a fun way to have it be like. hes going on this quest To save the kids number one and it just kinda escalates from there and he#ends up doing all that but likeee. my fav thing abt tp link is how homey he is and how like. His quest rly starts BC the kids are taken and#bc he needs 2 save those kids. at least thats how i see him#so i absolutelyyyy imagine him being rly homesick for the entire thing + i think that makes it fun w him travelling w midna bc i imagine#them both as being very homesick. but both of their homes arent Right atm like yk i think its a fun parallel#and i think its served rly well by the opening. and also i just LOVE ordon village even if i step outside of my kindergarten level media#interpretation like i love that village its so cute to me the music i so calming to me i loooooooooove ordon village ok. even if it did#serve no narrative purpose to have link farting around his hometown for a while at the beginning i would still want it there bc IIIII love#ordon village. ^_^
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Like it was never about me or what was best for me...I have to laugh because of how absolutely ABSURD it is
#and i let it HAPPEN#i genuinely dont know how else to react like.#stepping away and seeing it all for what it is in the light of day...with sober eyes...like wow. goddamn#like i just?? dont understand#'i told my friends about what you did to me' 'that's ur right' and then not even 2 weeks later 'i cant believe u told them..'#because i did it 'to make them hate you' like 1. then why did u do it. why did u do it then?#2. all i said was what you did.#then my friends said 'hey you deserve someone who listens to your boundaries that's not okay'#i shpuld be able to tell ppl how my partner treats me it shouldnt be smth i hide from them.#telling them was for me. but that didnt matter. your image did#well now they know. and now you know your actions have consequences.#it's just so infuriating. the amount i poured and poured and looking back it's like.#now i see so clearly it was all a fucking mirage it was never fucking real.#it's so unfair. i dont understand how it went on that long#not that he cares he gets to move on because he never really put in anything. no steps were taken no real truth was given#meanwhile i opened my life and bore my soul so.#like good for him ig he can just move on and get what he wants from someone new#and good for me because now i know more#but i still have to deal w this bullshit future i planned w someone who i now realized never wanted it really#like fuck. fuck#goddammit#so whatever i guess#and i hid SO MUCH because i KNEW how it would look#but to ME who had all the 'context' i didnt want them to just see what i told them#but i now realize the 'context' was all bullshit and i should not have been trying to protect someone who didnt even care enough to listen#to me saying no. god. i wasnt even asking for that much either.#i wasnt crazy. i wasnt acting like my dad. i was being a normal adult. it just crushes me.#because if i was in his place and i truly believed i was with my soul mate i would have simply done the hard shit.#but he didnt believe that ig so! now i know!!#yippee!!!!!
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caprice is now a level 6 bard/level 2 monk, with the helldusk gloves that add necrotic damage on unarmed attacks (along with a chance to inflict bleeding), as well as boots that give lightning charge upon dashing, and the jolty vest thing that shocks melee attackers using lightning charges. still dual-wielding hand crossbows for long range combat, and i took the dual wielding perk that increases AC. im dying a lot less partially bc ive learned how to better economize combat actions also.
gave karlach the dual wielding perk to increase her AC, and conversely am having lae'zel use two-handed weapons this time. kinda evens things out that way too, cause lae'zel has the extra action skill so she doesn't really need the offhand weapon attack. astarion kicks ass with the shrieking sword and the AOE saving throw penalty is extemely useful for bard spells.
(side note: the intimidation bonus from the durge origin pairs very well with performance/deception/persuasion bard bonuses.)
OH. something i noticed: caprice can't melee dual-wield with anything larger than shortswords, scimitars, or daggers. i suspect this is connected to being "small" instead of "medium" sized, as astarion does not have this problem and he has the same strength score (8). i don't care either way bc of my focus on unarmed strikes but that's still interesting. edit: wait nvm it's bc i didn't take the dual-wielding perk.
#i still dont really see the utility of a lot of the spells that prompt saving throws and require concentration.#theres so many points of failure and the enemies youd want to immobilize the most#are the ones most resistant to charisma checks wisdom checks etc#also losing an action turn can destroy your party if theres a lot of enemies#tashas hideous laughter is good cause its not limited by enemy type the way hold person and hold beast are#altho i think it requires an intelligence of 5 or above.#newt needs a text post tag#newt plays bg3#at some point in the future i might redo a shiv playthru just to refine his druid battle style#i think i relied a bit too heavily on melee attacks with shiv instead of utilizing cantrips.#even with the circle of spore health buff he did not have the hp to constantly smack enemies with a quarterstaff#maybe i could have taken a lower charisma score and gotten higher wisdom earlier?#dont think multiclassing would have been the way to go for shiv#edit: level 2 monks get a movement speed bonus which is GREAT cause deep gnomes#have a starting movement speed of 7.5m and theres better uses for misty step clothing items
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i think the thing that i’m most looking forward to about moving into my apartment is starting over. not fully - i’m not cutting everyone off, i’m not completely restarting hobbies or commitments - but this is a space i’ll probably be in long-term where i can restart a bit. i’ll be living in my own place. i’m not going back to be stuck in the house that i was in through losing my mobility and all my health issues and everything with my dad. i’m not stuck with the constant risk of seeing people i used to know who want to catch up. i don’t have to constantly change myself or feel stuck as someone i’m not anymore. i’m nervous, and this is a really big change, but i think i need it
#once i get established i think i’m going to start going to therapy#as much as i want to just say that i can heal myself I’ve come to accept that i can only do so much and i need help for the rest#and that’s ok. there’s no glory in doing it alone#something has just clicked in the past few weeks that i was holding onto a lot of things and trying to be someone i’m not anymore#i’m in a new space. ive taken a lot of big steps. it’s ok to settle into being a different person because of it#most of this was worked out in a 2 hour call with my mum because. yeah. something just clicked
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boat scene with rafe
requested by @gibson-g1rl l <3 😘 part 2
credits: oysters png from @saizun , and amazing gifs from @rafeyscurtainbangs
The boat rocks beneath you as you step toward where Rafe sits bound against the wall, looking both furious and oddly vulnerable. You catch his eye as you enter the room, holding a small packet of aspirin and a plate of food. His eyebrows lift slightly in surprise, but his cocky smirk returns almost immediately.
“Look who’s here to take care of me,” he drawls, his voice dripping with that familiar teasing tone, though there’s a flicker of genuine relief in his eyes.
“Don’t flatter yourself.” You roll your eyes, but there’s no real bite to your words. You set the plate down next to him and hand over the aspirin, glancing away to avoid letting him see the small, reluctant smile tugging at your lips. “Thought you’d need this. Can’t have you passing out on us.”
Rafe takes the aspirin from your hand, holding your gaze just a little too long before he swallows it dry. “I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting room service,” he murmurs, eyes never leaving yours. “Didn’t know you cared this much.”
You scoff, folding your arms. “You should know by now I don’t want you dead, Rafe,” you say with a wry smile. “But don’t expect this to become a habit.”
He chuckles, the sound low and a little smug. “We’ll see about that,” he says, shifting against the ropes, clearly enjoying the attention. He nods toward the plate. “So, what—are you gonna feed me, too?”
You blink, taken aback by his nerve, and then raise an eyebrow, letting sarcasm color your voice. “Would you like me to? Or do you think you can manage?” You narrow your eyes, daring him to keep pushing.
Rafe’s smirk wavers, his cheeks turning the faintest shade of pink as he quickly looks away. “I can handle it,” he mutters, clearly flustered but trying to play it off. “Don’t get carried away.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I wasn’t planning to.” But you can’t help the grin tugging at your lips as you settle back, watching as he tries to pick up a piece of food from the plate with an awkward, fumbling grip, struggling against the restraints.
You stifle a laugh as he tries to eat without making a mess, and he catches you smiling, his jaw tightening. “Something funny?” he snaps, though there’s a hint of embarrassment in his tone.
You shrug, biting back your amusement. “Nothing at all. You look perfectly in control.”
Rafe grumbles under his breath, focusing intently on his food to avoid meeting your eyes. Another wave rocks the boat, causing you to steady yourself against the wall, and you look back to find him watching you, something almost like concern flickering in his gaze.
“Be careful,” he mutters, his voice softer, dropping the bravado for a split second.
For a moment, you just look at each other, the storm outside and the chaos around you fading into the background. His cocky expression softens, and he gives you a small, grateful nod. He won’t say it, but you know he’s thankful.
“Thanks,” he says quietly, his gaze lingering on you a beat longer.
“Yeah, yeah,” you reply, crossing your arms as you lean back against the wall. “Just don’t make me regret it.”
Rafe grins, his cockiness slipping back into place, but now it’s warmer, less of a wall and more like something shared just between the two of you. As he reaches for another bite, he murmurs, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” And as much as you try to resist, you can’t help the small, reluctant smile that crosses your face in response.
The storm hits hard, the boat rocking violently beneath your feet. You’re barely able to keep your balance as you make your way through the narrow, dimly lit hallway. Waves crash against the hull, each one sending a jolt of panic through your body. But there’s something else clawing at you—something that won’t let you ignore the sound of Rafe’s voice, sharp and desperate, calling from another room.
“Come on! Cut me loose!” His voice cracks, the desperation in it too raw to ignore.
You freeze, breath catching in your throat. Rafe. He’s still tied up. The ropes are holding him in place as the boat teeters precariously on the brink of capsizing. You can hear Pope and Cleo yelling from the kitchen, their voices overlapping, trying to convince you to leave it alone. To save yourself. But you can’t. Not this time.
You grip the knife tighter, your fingers cold and trembling from the anxiety rising in your chest. There’s no time to think. Rafe’s call keeps echoing in your head, and that voice—the urgency, the fear—pushes you forward. You make your way toward the room where you heard him last, the sound of the storm growing louder as it pounds against the sides of the boat.
Before you even get to the door, Cleo’s voice rings out. “No! Y/N, No!”
Pope’s voice follows, sharper. “Y/N, stop don’t let him out!”
But you keep moving. You don’t stop. You can’t. There’s no way you’re going to let Rafe stay there, helpless and bound, when you can do something about it.
When you reach the door, you shove it open, and the sight of Rafe tied up against the far wall hits you with a jolt. He’s slumped slightly, sweat slicking his forehead, his face drawn with exhaustion and frustration. His eyes snap to you, and for a split second, they soften with something almost like relief.
“Cut me loose, come on!” He says again, his voice strained, but louder this time, more insistent.
His hands are bound tightly in thick ropes, his legs spread out uncomfortably beneath him. The ropes seem too thick for him to break on his own. You can see the tension in his body, the way his muscles twitch from the strain, and the panic that flickers behind his gaze. There’s no time to waste. You don’t think twice. You crouch in front of him, the knife in your hand glinting in the low light.
Rafe watches you, his chest rising and falling unevenly. “Don’t make me regret this,” you murmur, feeling your heart beat faster as you cut into the thick rope that’s holding him in place. Your hands are shaking, the knife slipping slightly as the boat tilts again, but you focus on the task at hand.
“Come on, hurry up.” His words are clipped, desperate, and you push aside the nervous tightness in your chest as you work faster, cutting the ropes.
You’re close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body, a stark contrast to the cold, wet air from the storm. The boat groans as another wave slams against it, and Rafe’s eyes flicker to the window, then back to you.
“Please,” he breathes, and it’s that one word that makes everything else fade away—the roaring storm, the panicked shouting from the others, the ticking clock of time slipping away.
The last thread gives way with a sharp cut, and Rafe’s hands are free. His arms immediately reach for you, grabbing hold of your wrist with a surprising amount of force, pulling himself upright.
“Thanks,” he mutters, his voice rough, but there’s something deeper in it, something like a sense of vulnerability you’ve never seen from him before.
You don’t have time to say anything, to wonder if he’s really thankful or if he’s just grateful to be free. The boat shudders violently, and you both stumble as the hull groans beneath you. The wind howls outside, whipping against the windows, and you know there’s not much time before things get worse.
Rafe doesn’t wait for an invitation. He grabs your arm, pulling you toward the narrow hallway. “We need to get to somewhere safer,” he says, his tone not leaving any room for an argument.
You’re both moving quickly, though the boat keeps pitching wildly. The wind screeches, and water sloshes against the floorboards. Every step feels like a risk, like the boat could capsize at any moment. But Rafe doesn’t let go of your arm. He pulls you behind him, guiding you toward a small corner near the engine room, the only place that might offer even the slightest bit of shelter.
You slide into the corner, pressing yourself against the cold wall. It’s not the safest place, but in the madness of the storm, it’s all you have. Rafe follows, wedging himself beside you. There’s barely enough room for the two of you, but you don’t mind. You’re not focused on that right now. All you can think about is how the boat is rocking, how you’re both on the brink of disaster, and how Rafe’s body is so close to yours.
He leans into you, his breathing ragged and uneven. For a moment, he pulls away, but then his hand is at your waist, his grip tightening. It’s almost like he’s afraid you might slip away from him. He presses his body closer, his face now inches from yours, and you can feel the rapid beat of his heart.
Rafe places his head on your neck, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder. The warmth of his breath on your skin is both comforting and unsettling, but you don’t pull away. Instead, you place your hand on his back, the pressure of your touch grounding both of you as the storm rages on around you.
“You’re okay,” you whisper, though you’re not sure if you’re trying to reassure him or yourself.
Rafe doesn’t respond, but you feel his muscles relax, his tense body unwinding little by little. He’s not just holding onto you for stability; it feels like he’s holding onto you for something more. You can’t explain it, but there’s something in the way he leans into you, something raw and vulnerable that you’ve never seen before.
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