#stede needs a hug

[iris-in-the-rain]

Stede has never had an understanding family. He's used to disparaging or downright snide comments. He used to try to explain his point of view, but all he got was 'You just can't take a joke, can you?' or 'So I can't even tell you what I think?' or 'I'm just gonna stop talking to you, you're impossible to have a conversation with!'

And Stede tried, he really did, but it was never good enough. So eventually whenever anyone said anything mean to him, he just hung his head and took it. Of course that was also wrong, but he just couldn't win.

When he met Ed, he just couldn't believe his luck. Ed was the loveliest, sweetest person Stede has ever met! He was kind, goofy and made Stede laugh like nobody else! Stede didn't think he deserved him, and so of course, in true Stede-fashion, as his father once called his behaviour, he had to go and fuck it up.

Ed and him were dating for just over three months, and things were going really well. They'd been sleeping together for four weeks and there were absolutely no complaints there either.

They'd had a date night and after they came back to Ed's place. It was a lovely dinner, but afterwards neither felt particularly up for anything else than kissing, and perhaps Ed picked up on Stede feeling a bit off, and so both cuddled up and fell asleep.

Until Stede woke up feeling really weird. He glanced at Ed, sleeping soundly, and after debating for a few seconds whether to wake him, he untangled himself from Ed's arms and tiptoed to the bathroom, which was down the hall.

He grimaced, clutching his stomach. Oh, he was not feeling well! The face looking back at him in the mirror was pale, sweat beading on his hairline. Oh no.

He was going to be sick. Tears sprung to his eyes. No no no! Not here! Not again!

The memory of being sick when he was little came back to him, his father telling him to sort himself out, as thirteen year old Stede tried to stifle his sobs, while not really understanding what happened. He was feeling poorly, how was that his fault?! But it must have been, as his father angrily shouted that he was an idiot for eating that much candy. He was an idiot then, and he was being an idiot now. There was that time when he'd been sick at a work do, and nobody let him live it down, despite the fact that his drink was spiked by the Badminton brothers. Both admitted to it afterwards, while laughing, and telling Stede that they only did it to loosen him up, and it was his own fault for being like he was. Since then, Stede lived in a perpetual state of guilt. Things were his fault, of course they were. Even if they were not, they must have been. Right?

And now again. They had such a nice dinner, the food was great and now he was feeling ill for no reason! Idiot. Idiot! Why did it have to happen while he was at Ed's?

Stede started shaking. He was going to be sick, he couldn't stop it and then he was.

Tears silently ran down his face as he flushed the toilet. He was shivering now. Oh, he hoped he didn't wake up Ed. After rinsing his mouth, as quietly as he could, he shakily made his way to the kitchen for some water.

As he'd been to Ed's before, he knew where everything was, but in the dark, he opened a wrong cabinet and the next thing he knew he was standing in the kitchen with the light on, smashed glass around him and a wide-eyed Ed in front of him.

'Stede, what the hell, man?'

Stede immediately shrank back. He fucked it up after all, for all that he tried, and now Ed knew and he was angry, and he was gonna dump him, for the stupid, pathetic mess that Stede was.

'I'm sorry, I'M SORRYY!'

Ed's face immediately morphed into pure concern.

'Woah, Stede, hey...'

Stede swayed, his bare feet close to the broken shards of glass on the floor.

Ed's arm shot out to steady him.

'Babe, hey... Hey, what's wrong?'

Stede's tears returned in full force.

'I'm ss-sorry, Ed, I'm so sorry! I, I was sick and...' Ed's eyes widened at that. 'And, and I know it's my fault, and I just wanted ss-some water but I broke your glass and I'm sorry, Ed, I'm sorry and I'll go, I'll just...'

But he didn't get to finish his rambling, because he was suddenly pressed into Ed's warm chest, his beloved's arms around him, as Ed pressed a kiss to his head, shushing him gently.

'Love, it's okay, shh. Don't apologise, it's okay, come on...'

Ed held Stede close to him, as he steered them back to the bedroom.

'Ed no, the glass, your feet!!'

'Honey, it's okay, we're okay.'

Ed led Stede back to bed, and held him close as they sat down. Stede started weeping again, trying to muffle the sound, as Ed held him even closer. After a few minutes, Stede tried to pull back.

'Bathroom, I need...' He swiped at his face. 'I'm disgusting, I need to... my face, m-my teeth...'

'Honey, you're not disgusting. You're not!' Ed added, as Stede started to protest. 'Come on, sit back on the bed, and I'll sort everything out, okay? It's okay, I promise. I'll be back in a few moments'

After pressing a kiss to Stede's forehead, Ed left the bedroom, returning with a bowl of warm water, towels, abd Stede's toothbrush. He also brought a bottle of water.

'Hey babe, come on, let's get you cleaned up, okay?'

Wetting one of the towels, he gently wiped Stede's face. He then handed him the bottle of water.

'Small sips, love, that's it.' Ed brushed Stede's hair out of his eyes. 'Brought your toothbrush, just clean your teeth, your mouth must feel grotty. Spit in the bucket, that's good.'

Fresh tears ran down Stede's cheeks.

'I'm sorry, Ed, you shouldn't have to d-deal with this, I know it's my own f-fault and...'

'Hey Stede, no no. You're poorly, it can't be helped. It is absolutely not your fault...'

'I can go...'

'Honey, it's okay, I promise. I'm not angry about anything, I just want you to feel better.'

At Stede's continued distress, Ed's eyes glistened with emotion. 'I love... that you're here, and I want you to be here, even if you're not feeling well. Especially then! I want to look after you.'

Ed's fingers cupped Stede's cheek.

'How you feeling now, honey? Ready to lie down? I'm just gonna get one more thing, okay?'

With that, Ed left the bedroom, returning few minutes later, holding a hot water bottle.

'Come on, love, scootch over a little.' He booped Stede's nose and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, before Stede could protest.

'Come on, the hot water bottle will help your tummy' Ed started adjusting Stede's pillows until the latter was in a position where he felt comfortable, before pulling the comforter over them both and snuggling up to Stede's side.

'Is that okay, love? Do you need anything else?'

Looking into Ed's big eyes, Stede took a shaky breath and brought up Ed's hand to kiss it.

'How did I get so lucky, my darling?' The question was whispered as if Stede was being scared to hear the answer.

A glowing smile lit up Ed's face.

'I'm the lucky one.'

'But...'

'But nothing. I'm so lucky that I found you, babe. I don't know who made you feel like you had to hide when you needed help but I never want you to hide from me. Never, Stede. Okay? Please, love.'

Stede wanted to protest, he did. His mind was still trying to scream at him, years of gaslighting and conditioning to hide himself warring with Ed's words, but for the first time ever, he felt safe. He believed Ed. He snuggled closer.

'Okay.'

He felt Ed's smile against his shoulder, as their intertwined hands rested on his stomach. He was okay. He was understood. It wasn't his fault. And he didn't have to hide anymore. With Ed, he was finally safe.

[eddie-redcliffe]

Sounds like you're quite the fuck-up, pal. Yes, I am. And I'm alone.

[adriart]

how about some picking each other up content in s2 mr jenkins?

+bonus heart-eyes closeups:

[blackbeardsslutstrands]

I don’t care if they engage in any sexual actives or not… but for god sakes let them have a hug, they both need it

[ghostofchaos-past]

it is a necessity at this point that ed and stede hug in s2

[jaypentaghast]

I'm not worried at all about the crew not forgiving Ed tbh

They tried to mutiny Stede, Ed and Izzy almost killed him, they almost killed Izzy, Buttons wanted to eat Lucius and the Swede, Roach too, they tried to kill Ed, etc

what is a family if not a group of people who sometimes try to murder one another

[bizarrelittlemew]

love Wee John so much. he's my baby boy [grown man who is way older than me]. every time he's on screen is pure delight. every line perfectly delivered. the way he says "nook". he has never done anything wrong in his entire life (lighting stuff on fire could happen to anyone). "stupid puppet pulled it off" I love you so much

[meimeiherokitten]

Well, duckies, thank @deskgirl for this!

I've never written soulmate au before, so let's see how this goes!

Izzy never believed in soulmates. Or soulmarks. Or any of that crap. So why does he have a new mark on his arm...?

[soapbubbles511]

For as dark as things got for Ed, we still don't see him personally kill anyone. He still can't, even when the person he wants killed is himself.

We see the crew killing all sorts of people on these raids. But Ed is mostly standing back from it. Forcing the crew to enact terrible violence on his behalf. We see him fire his gun at someone offscreen, but as shown with Izzy shooting doesn't mean killing.

He tries to force the crew to kill each other, maim them and make their lives unbearable. The whole thing is to goad them into killing him rather than him killing himself. Again, outsourcing the big job.

The one person he actively tries to kill is Hornigold, who is a manifestation of himself and his self-loathing. And as much as he tries, he can't actually do that either. Hornigold just keeps popping back up.

Him not personally killing was never some twisted morals. It stems from a very specific trauma around killing his father. And even at his lowest moment, he still can't make himself do it again.

[kaelyx-zac01]

Okay, I love the second season as much as the next guy. But, I'm still waiting for Stede's development: for his trauma and pain to come up. And I know it will come up, I trust in OFMD show runners on that account. But yeah, as much as we would all love for Blackbeard and Stede to be together, there's just so much unresolved with Stede's character that definitely needs to be dealt with before he and Ed could be in any relationship.

I mean, with Ed, at least we get the gravy basket. He's able to realize that the heart of his self-destructive behavior is his self-hatred and the belief that he's unlovable. At least, we see him trying to work things out about himself and resolve that on his own.

But with Stede? Not so much. His strife and insecurities are very much left in the dark. He was literally burdened by guilt the entire first season. The mix of Chauncey's last words and Mary being happier without him literally hammers the fact that he is unneeded -- a burden to others and a presence who destroys everything he touches. And he's afraid that it's the same with Blackbeard. No wonder he's so frustrated with himself that he doesn't blame anyone else but himself for Ed's "death". Or that he doesn't feel very much like a captain. He still believes that he has to be this masculine ideal to be so.

And yet, Stede remains very much a great leader. Despite his issues, he continues to look out for his crew, even if it meant banishing the man he loves. He gives advice to Lucius. He doesn't lash at his crew, despite them literally murdering Ed. He considers the consent of the crew first before bringing Blackbeard again on board. Not to mention, the literal positive impact Stede has on the crew in general. Because of his influence, they're able to create a safe space for each other. His advice in addressing conflict, of talking things through, echo from the mouth of Izzy Hands himself. And don't even get me started on Stede's impact on Ed -- he literally brings the man from the dead.

It seems the entire crew reflects how much positive things Stede has brought to their life. Of his worth as a person. And yet Stede still doesn't see that. To him, he's a shit captain and person, especially with what he did to Ed. And thus, he tries so much to make amends, it tears at my heart, god.

So, yeah I just want the crew to validate Stede. He tries so hard to be a positive, comforting presence to everyone. But, no one AT ALL has sat with Stede to assure him that he's seen -- that he is worthy as he is. And I really hope we get that -- especially if it's Ed. Gosh, that would triumph all the "You wear fine things well" scenes for me

[iris-in-the-rain]

Having some angsty thoughts today, so there you go. I'm sorry 🥺

Ed loves having a lie-in these days. He's never really had the opportunity and now he just loves the fact that he can slowly wake up, stretch, admire Stede as the blonde gets dressed to go for a morning nature walk or the market. Ed will beckon him back to bed and they will kiss until sometimes Stede gets back under the covers and they have a very good morning indeed.

But other times, Stede will give Ed a long drawn-out kiss, then tells him to go back to sleep, as he goes to the market to get fresh items for late breakfast.

Only one day Stede walks back into the bedroom with a tray and then promptly drops it. Because Ed is tangled up in blankets, hair splayed on the pillows, but face not visible, and what's worse, his feet are sticking out from under the sheets.

And Stede just stands there frozen, even las Ed wakes up, looks around confused at the source of the noise and quickly grows alarmed at his beloved, who's standing there with glassy eyes, mind somewhere else completely, as their breakfast lies broken on the floor.

[bwbawa]

ONLY 14TH DAYS FOR OFMD S2?????OMFGNWNFNANFNANCSM

[bragginball-z]

These two are the captains of “I’m in love with a blonde that loves books and also loves abandoning me” club

[medievill]

I made them talk to each other.

[bisexualmultifandommess]

Okay what I really need next season is for someone to give Stede a hug that’s all I want! Let this man have a moment to breathe and get comforted by someone.

[avataroft4t]

i need to be sandwiched in-between them