#stede is so happy i'm crying

[madootles]

dramatic eyes. dramatic lips. drama on the cheeks.

sketch

[saltpepperbeard]

I hope you find that. I think I have.

[avastyetwats]

Stede just couldn't stop kissing him. He was addicted to it. To him. To the feel of his lips against his own, to the taste of him, the sounds he made, the way his arms felt around his body or his hands cupping his face, and very much addicted to the way their bodies felt close together. Pressed together. Exactly as they were now with Stede on top of his lap, chest to chest, with their hands holding each other's face.

He was both out of breath yet full of air with each and every kiss, because that's just what Israel Hands did for him, he left him breathless and he filled him with life.

So he kept kissing him, over and over and over again and even laughing when he did. "Hard not to kiss you in this moment, Israel. If I die from lack of oxygen, at least it will have been while kissing you." What sweeter death would there be? Though, Stede didn't want to die. Gods, no. Certainly not before marrying the man he loved most in this world. The man that agreed to marry him in return. Him. Stede Bonnet. THE Israel Hands agreed to marry him. Wanted to marry him. They've been together for so many months now, little over a year, and still Stede had moments of shock over Izzy being with him. Being in love with him. Choosing him. But oh, he was filled with such unbridled joy because of it. Stede had never known love like this, he's never known happiness like this. He's never known romance and excitement and belonging. It was with his crew that he found it. It was with, and because of, Israel Hands that he had all of that and so much more.

Wait.

Stede's heart suddenly dropped into his stomach. Izzy stopped the kiss, put some distance between them and started frantically looking around. If he hadn't kept him on his lap while looking around, Stede would've thought he was taking back accepting his proposal. That he broke the kiss and told him to wait because he was changing his mind. He did have quite the horrible habit of jumping to the worst possible conclusions instantly... but instead he's looking for something and Stede isn't quite sure what. "Izzy, are you alright? What are--" Before he can even finish asking his question, Izzy is reaching for his tie... his tie that holds his mother's ring. He scoots back a little when he sits up, watching as he unties it with the purpose of freeing the ring and-- oh god.

Is he going to-- No. No, of course he isn't. Not his mother's ring. It's the most precious thing to him, something he keeps with him at all times. Surely he isn't going to--

Oh my god.

His jaw goes agape and his eyes widen, his heart skipping a beat and then several, butterflies filling his tummy, the air is knocked out of his longs - he's rendered speechless. And that's something near impossible to accomplish. But Israel Hands knows just how to do it. It wasn't the first time, but this was probably the most stunned Stede Bonnet has ever felt. "Israel..." He finds only one word, his name, and it's uttered in shock and awe as he holds up his ring under the moonlight and Stede admires it with his eyes. Doesn't dare touch it yet. He knows how important this is to him. How precious. It's the only thing that connects him to his mother aside from his memories. Memories that he has shared with Stede. Memories that he hasn't shared with anyone else except for Stede. Not even Ed. Memories that Stede held precious to him, that he remembered every detail told to him by Izzy. Gods, he loved when he shared such important moments with him. He loved when he felt so safe to do so. Whether good, bad or tragic, he shared with Stede and it meant everything to him. He never turned him away, he never scolded him for crying. Gods, no. He welcomed him with open arms that closed around him any chance he was able. He laughed with him, he held him while he cried, he cherished every single moment Israel shared any important memory with him. Especially of his mother.

This was also a moment of trust. Of the utmost. Because he was trusting Stede with the thing most precious to him. As clumsy and accident prone as he was, if something was dear to him, he took care of it. Whether material objects or something far more precious such as Israel's heart. He took care of what, and who, he loved most and he would do the same with this ring. With his mother. With his heart.

He takes his hand and Stede's heart is already fluttering. His eyes are full of tears, but he won't sob. Not yet. God, he wants to, but he wants Izzy to be able to do this without Stede ruining it. So he waits and watches, his heart racing, the butterflies fluttering about in his tummy, the tears already falling from his eyes, his hand shaking. And when he holds it in front of his pinky, he lets out a tearful chuckle, but given his fingers are likely bigger than his mother's, it makes the most sense. And he'll wear it anywhere. With pride.

“ Stede Bonnet, will you do this ragged, old sea dog the greatest *fuckin’* honor by marrying me? “

"Oh, my god." He sounds shocked like he didn't just propose only a few minutes ago. He just didn't expect this in return, but oh, was he so fucking happy. Over the moon as made obvious with the way the tears are now flowing after trying so hard not to cry. But he couldn't help it. He was an emotional man, as Izzy very well knew, and still, he wanted him anyway. He should answer now, right? Yeah. Yeah. "Yes! Yes, I will!" He answers like, again, he didn't just propose minutes before this. "Oh, Izzy... oh, it's so beautiful." He praises as he slips the ring onto his pinky finger and suddenly he feels closer to his mother and even closer to Izzy if at all possible. "I can't believe that-- you're really going to--" Now it's his turn to have trouble speaking because he's so overwhelmed with emotion, but in the most beautiful way. "Can I kiss you now? Please." He asks, what with being told to wait, but he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to kiss him again after that. He needed to kiss his fiancé.

His fiancé.

HE WAS GOING TO MARRY ISRAEL HANDS!!

Well wasn’t that terribly interesting? Bonnet just confessed that the night he sang was when he started feeling things for him. Izzy had so many questions now that his head was spinning. He knew that after he killed Ned Low, that he and Ed had gone and had their first time. Was he thinking about him then? Was he really wanting to whisk Izzy away instead? After all even by that point the pair seemed to be spending more time together in total. .. and Izzy certainly wouldn’t have told him their first night was a mistake. Calypso, when he heard that happened Izzy wanted to kill Ed. It was such a cruel thing to say and way to act.

As his mind was spinning he suddenly heard those words. He’d been pulled into a kiss and then simply heard.. Marry me, Israel. He might have seemed hesitant to react at first, his mind still thinking about the thousand questions he wanted to ask. Stede certainly threw him off guard. He certainly hadn’t expected such a sudden proposal such as this. Had he planned that for this date? Certainly not, the way he said it was so off the cuff.

Fuck Izzy, say something. You’ve been quiet for minutes from the shock. Eyes lowered nervously as his face flushed bright red. Now it hit him. His blonde idiot had just proposed to him, a thought Izzy didn’t think would come in his long life. “ .. you want to marry me? “ He questions, as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard that right. Suddenly he’s now cupping Stede’s face as well, a smile starting to spread over gruff features as the thought only sunk in more. Someone truly did love him that much to want to be his partner and it made him feel something entirely new. He couldn’t describe it if he was made to, but it must have been what angelic and immortal beings felt like with happiness; unstoppable.

“ Of course I’ll marry you, Stede Bonnet.. “ Finally an answer! A shy little answer, but an answer! The smile grew, he laughed for no reason whatsoever except because there was so much joy swelling in his chest it simply spilled from his mouth. “ Oh I want nothing else of this dark and dreary world but to be by your side where it is light.. “

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Okay. This sucks. This fucking sucks, and it's unfair, and this show deserved better, and the cast and crew deserved better, and we deserved better. I'm gutted myself and I feel awful for all of us right now.

But. Even with a 40% budget cut, we got an amazing second season. We got to see Ed and Stede choose to start an amazing life together, on their own terms, feeling more at peace with themselves. Nothing can take that away from them - never again will we have to worry Ed crying in a window was the last we'd see of him!

And, as if the fucking amazing show we have isn't enough, this fandom has some of the best people I've ever met. There are so many smart, funny, incredibly talented people in this fandom and I'm so happy to be a part of it. I love you all and nothing can take that away from us, either.

We got this show in the first place, that never apologizes for being weird and camp and queer. This is a show that had to fight uphill to get made, every step of the way, but it's made with so much love and it shows. We got it, and it's good - at the end of the day, we won.

[totallyboatless]

It's been a very, very long time since I cared about a piece of media enough that it ending prematurely makes me cry.

Our Flag Means Death made me feel seen in a way that I desperately needed. My first couple of years of fully understanding and admitting to myself that I'm a man were full of pain. I spent more time grieving the past and all of the time I lost than reveling in the joy of knowing who I am now. I didn't know how to let go of the grief that my 20s (what so many people call their "best years") were behind me and I spent all of them as a girl.

I knew I was a man but still waved away the idea of going on testosterone. "What's the point?" I said when my therapist asked me if I was considering it. Start testosterone at 32? And then what? Maybe look like the man I want to be in my 40s? When I'm middle aged???

That's legitimately so funny to me now. But I'm not joking, I was so stuck in the idea that there was no point in me taking steps to become happy in my own body because my life would be half-over.

I'd like to think that I would have come around eventually no matter what. But I didn't have to find out, because this unhinged, wonderful, gay-ass pirate show came into my life at just the right time. It showed me what it looks like to have older queers not in pain from self-discovery but so fucking full of joy because of it. There's not a single moment of this show where Ed or Stede goes "man, I wasted my life, what's even the point of letting myself change now? What's the point of loving now?"

Because it's now.

I'm being so fucking literal when I say that this show changed the trajectory my entire life. I'm devastated that it's over. But I'll always be so goddamn grateful to @davidjenks (yeah, I'm tagging, fuck it) and every illustrious, remarkable, industry-shaking person who worked on this show.

[iris-in-the-rain]

After yet another awful experience with a doctor, a despondent Ed decides he's tired of living with pain and googles physiotherapy in his area, while lying in bed, sobbing, his knee swollen and hurting. He comes across a place called 'Be Well - The Best Revenge is Living Pain-Free' He makes an online appointment, then falls asleep, tears drying on his face.

The day arrives and Ed, while feeling better, still decides to try it out, but doesn't hold out much hope. The place is welcoming and cozy and instantly makes Ed feel safe and at ease. A receptionist called Frenchie tells him about the place, until a human sunshine, by the name of Stede Bonnet, introduces himself and leads Ed into a treatment room.

'So what brings you here today, Ed?' Stede asks with a warm smile and that does it. Ed bursts into tears. He cries, great heaving sobs, and Stede offers him tissue after tissue, no judgement, just lets him cry.

'I understand, Ed, I do, and it's okay. I am so sorry to see you in this much pain. I'm glad you're here, though.' Stede says, as Ed tries to stop crying and fails. 'It's okay, I promise you, you're safe here.'

Ed eventually stops crying, apologises, but Stede's having none of it. Frenchie brings Ed a cup of tea, while Stede tells Ed about the place, and how he started it, because he wanted to help people live without pain, as much as he could.

And then Ed tells Stede about his stupid, fucked up knee, and his hands, with arthritis and how much it hurts every day, but he's learned to live with it, but he hates his stupid body and why can't he just not be in pain and why do the doctors treat him like shit, and why does his stupid body hates him, too, and he so tired and so alone and he just can't do this anymore.

And Stede listens patiently, and doesn't interrupt him and his face is so full of compassion and when Ed finishes, Stede gently takes his hands and looks at him to really make him listen, his own eyes shining at Ed's distressing story...

'Ed, I am so sorry that you had to deal with so much. My heart hurts for you so much. I promise you that I will do absolutely everything in my power to help you. You deserve to not only not be in pain, but to be happy.' More tears run down Ed's face at that. 'Will you let me help you, Ed? I would really like to help you and make life a bit easier for you. You deserve to be comfortable and happy. And without pain.'

Ed wants to believe him. He wants to believe that there actually is someone in his corner. And something about Stede makes him believe that there is hope.

'Yes' Ed says. 'I'd like that.'

[epersonae]

So I decided to put on the hit television show Our Flag Means Death, again, for the first time in a bit, and I'm thinking about those two flashbacks in 1x2 of Stede with Mary and the kids.

There has been this question, which one is "true", and I don't know, still, if I have an answer to that, but I have a new (to me) insight about what that second one means, to Stede's inner narrative. Because he's crying, and then there's this scene of him with his family, happy and engaged, and then he says "my family's here now, at sea." Which feels like - he's letting go of the idea of the happy family on land that he could have had, or wanted, or was trying to believe in, etc - envisioning it one last time in order to let it go. That whatever that was, it doesn't exist now, and can't exist in the future.

And then we immediately cut to him doing this incredibly dad thing, reading aloud to the crew, and looking genuinely happy and engaged doing it.

[wistfulcynic]

just finished a full rewatch of OFMD season one, which i'd not done for a while, and am now deep in the shrimp emotions. Why is this show so good.

specifically i'm thinking about the beginning of 1x07 when Ed says he's thinking about leaving. On to the next adventure, etc. He says it so casually, like it's no thing at all, and it makes me wonder how that scenario might have played out.

There was a meta i read shortly after the season aired (sorry, can't remember who wrote it) which said basically the plan to leave is Ed's way of protecting himself. By that point Ed knows he's falling for Stede, they've had their almost-kiss in the moonlight, their tender bathtub moment. Ed knows, even if it's only subconsciously, that if he stays he'll just fall deeper and harder and that will leave him vulnerable in a way he's not quite ready for.

so i wonder what would've happened if he had left then. Not with Calico Jack in all the heat of fraught emotions but on his own terms before his feelings for Stede grew beyond his ability to control them. i wonder how he'd have coped with losing Stede then.

because at that point, he's got no real reason to think his feelings are reciprocated. Stede clearly likes him, says flat out that he's Ed's friend, but nothing he's said or done would lead Ed to believe it's anything more than that. And Ed, as we know, is convinced he's unlovable so of course in his mind Stede could never love him.

which means that if he'd left then he wouldn't actually have lost anything. Stede and the Revenge could be kept as a lovely memory of a brief good time in his life. He might pine a bit, maybe give himself the luxury now and then to think about what if, but i don't believe it would ever reach the point of painting cake toppers or even crying in a dressing gown. i think, honestly, that had he left then Ed would've been okay, or at least not significantly worse than he was before. Still bored, still wanting to get out of piracy, still feeling sad and lonely and unloved but at least he'd have the memory of his friend.

what eventually renders that scenario impossible--what makes him leaving on his own plausible while he could never truly have left with Calico Jack ("never left")--is that by the end of episode 7 Ed has started to have hope. He's started to think that maybe his feelings aren't one-sided. Maybe he can actually have Stede. Maybe he can actually be happy.

i've often thought (as ofc have others) that it wasn't the loss of Stede as such that brought on the kraken era. If OFMD had ended with a successful talent show and Ed and the crew deciding to be a sailing theatre troupe instead of pirates, even without Stede, Ed would've been okay. Broken hearts mend. What tipped Ed over the edge was the loss of his hope, and the better life he thought he'd found a way to have.

not quite sure where i'm going with this if i'm going anywhere, just... it's an interesting contrast and imo a quiet turning point that neatly underlines just how important this is happening really was.

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

steddyhands has me so ruined for any individual izzy ship bc every time i try reading long stizzy fic where ed disappears i inevitably go 'but where's ed? :('

and whenever i read long edizzy fic where stede never pops up i'm inevitably going 'but where stede?? :('

and even when i read ouizzy or sprizzy or fang/ivan/izzy fics etc where izzy is happy while stede and ed are doing their own thing, i'm always a little sad in the back of my mind like 'ed and stede... they don't know?? they don't know the love of izzy?? no kissing first mate??? :((('

(don't get me started on how difficult straight up stede/ed fics are to dig through sometimes, i love the ship to death truly i do, she's the main girlie, but forget crying over where izzy is in their dynamic, i gotta go Entire Work and CTRL+F search izzy's name throughout the fic just to make sure his character isn't getting massacred disney villain style before i get invested in a 50k+ fic at 2am)

my ideal world is one where stede/ed/izzy have sorted their shit out, izzy and frenchie are music boyfriends, izzy shacks up with lucius and pete sometimes for some kissing bitching and gossiping sessions, and izzy and fang have cuddle sessions on the regular

all this ofc alongside archie/jim/olu/zheng's whole thing, whatever frenchie and wee john have going on, lucius' thing with fang, and jackie's continuing recruitment of new husbands to join the swede

in my heart polycrew is real and thriving, we could have had it all dammit

[bemusedlybespectacled]

i'm sorry i'm just crying over izzy being the confidante that he's tried to be this whole time

like the whole point of izzy being the only one to call by his first name (prior to stede) was to emphasize the closeness of their relationship

and every single scene after that just cemented that izzy felt like he and ed had a special relationship and part of that relationship was izzy being able to speak truth to power. it's just that izzy was wrong about stede and stede's effect on ed.

and like now that he's embraced the muppet crew he's actually able to do that and he IS with two major differences:

stede is his captain now so the majority of his counsel is going to stede and about keeping STEDE safe and happy

it's not an exclusive relationship between him and the captain anymore. he's able to have conversations with the crew as well (like lucius in 2x5 and tbh ed in 2x7) AND there's less of a hierarchy so he's able to do stuff like take advice from wee john as well and be more himself

like he's finally able to do his job the way he's been meant to all along and have more close relationships with people than he ever has before and it's because of his growth and stede's positive influence over him and the rest of the crew

also did i mention STEDE IS HIS CAPTAIN NOW

i'm NOT OKAY i am SOBBING

[saltpepperbeard]

Rhys + Absolutely taking me OUT with the latest part of his RDR2 Playthrough

BONUS:

[burobakasstuff]

I can understand on one hand why people are so emotional and aggressive. But why do we blame the writers and not the company that took 2 full series away from us? David Jenkins made sure that if we didn't get season 3, we had an ending where all the character arcs were closed one way or another.

I adore Izzy with all my soul, he's my little traumatized boy. But his death seemed logical to me after reflection. I sobbed like a bitch, I broke down at his death.

He died happy, he wasn't alone and never be alone again. Yes, you could say he didn't get a good ending. But that's life and good people die. He found a family. He accepted himself, Ed and Stede and death. We got a great character who was the star of the season. To me, that's a lot.

Ed and Stede stayed with him, they could have taken any other building that was less damaged after Ricky. But they chose not only one of Ed's favorite places, but also where Izzy is. And Buttons is looking out for Izzy in more than just this world, I'm sure

This season left so many emotions, I love it and I am grateful to David Jenkins for such a job, as well as to all the actors, the whole team. I'm looking forward to the renewal for season 3 and the actors' victory in the strike, I'll be crying over the edits for a long time in tears of happiness and sadness. It's fucking awesome

I apologize if my opinion hurts anyone. I realize this is a difficult time for all those who love Izzy. I just want to share my pain and joy with you. Love to u all <3

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

One of the things I most mourn about not getting a s3 is a conclusion to Lucius and Ed's relationship. There is such an interesting and profound disconnect with Lucius' anger towards Ed and I wish so badly to see where they would've taken it.

Pushing Lucius overboard was, by far, the worst thing Ed ever did during his Kraken era. No contest. Lucius was the crew member who had gotten to know him best, and reached out to him with nothing other than support and sympathy. Ed pushing him was the cruellest thing he ever did, and while we can assume that Ed did that because Lucius was the only person who might see through his Blackbeard act, that's a pretty shitty excuse for hurting someone so badly.

And Lucius doesn't know what the fuck he did to make Ed do that to him, of course. All he can assume is that "Stede broke him" (which isn't even close to true). I'm so struck by his drawings of Ed in s2e5, because saying there's a disconnect between the anger and Ed is honestly an understatement. He draws Ed as he knew him best, with the beard, and the drawings are beautiful and soft and flattering. Even though the Ed that pushed him overboard was beardless, I think remembering that Ed is still too hard to hold true anger towards because Lucius remembers him vulnerable and hurting and crying and human. Lucius called him "Ed" before he was pushed overboard; in s2 he only calls him "Blackbeard," in a tone that makes it very clear he means it as an insult. He is clearly struggling to reconcile the man who hurt him so badly and needlessly with the friend he had.

Both Ed and Lucius are left unsatisfied with their attempts to get closure. Pushing Ed overboard gives Lucius momentary satisfaction but not much else, and later he tries to get Izzy on his side to chop Ed's leg off - he doesn't just want Ed to make amends, a part of him wants him to suffer, and that's so incredibly striking coming from this character. His closure comes from turning to love instead and focusing towards the future he can have with Pete. Ed is happy to let Lucius push him, but he's clearly unsure what else he can do. It feels like they're left on an unfinished note because it is unfinished.

Ed and Stede being so joyful at Lucius and Pete's wedding was a healing moment, but I wanted to see them talk it through.

[ofmdlovelyletters]

I simply canNOT let this AOTW go by without shouting out meeting stede bonnet by @forpiratereasons. I don't think a single day goes by where I'm not thinking about this beautiful fic. As someone who didn't realize they were queer until later in life, this fic resonated with me on a profound level. The vignette-style storytelling worked SO well in this piece, just lovely little glimpses as we get to, well, meet Stede Bonnet. This fic truly feels like what pride is all about — understanding and embracing who you are, finding your people who are doing the exact same, and also knowing that there's no one right and valid way to be a part of the community. It is all of our stories and experiences and journeys that make up this beautiful rainbow. 🌈

I especially loved the inclusion of the chapter that acknowledged that while it's never too late to come out, there can be a wave of grief when you consider all that time spent not being your whole authentic self. When Stede was crying about that time he'll never get back that time when he could have been happy, and Ed was telling him that he WOULD be happy, that there was so much happiness in store for him... I felt that. It felt like I was being hugged and held and reassured that everything would be okay, that I still have a whole, rich, beautiful life ahead of me.

Darcy, I cannot thank you enough for writing and sharing this gorgeous story. I hold it in my heart as closely as I do the show itself. Thank you. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Hi @forpiratereasons! You've received a lovely letter. 💌

Crew, you can read meeting stede bonnet here.

[allthinky]

Ed Won't Hurt Stede

I've been thinking about this since I first started reading "fix-it" fics last summer. There is one school of thought about Ed's "Kraken era," that he is so angry at Stede for leaving him on that dock, and that if Stede comes back and tries to reconcile, Ed will try to hurt or kill him.

At first I was happy to just enjoy the drama (and pathos) of it all, but eventually it dawned on me that this is a really fucked up narrative.

I am an academic, do some gender analysis on occasion, and one thing that's pretty much a rule is that if a woman wants to leave a hetero relationship, she gets to do that. So many women are killed by their partners, or ex-partners, because the man in the hetero pairing just cannot stand to be left alone, cannot stand his "wife" or whatever showing that kind of autonomy. He owns her, he tells her what's acceptable, etc.

I'm obviously gonna keep this short, and overly simplistic, but it struck me just how awful it would be if Ed (Blackbeard, the Kraken) assaulted Stede when Stede returns. Yes, Stede's not a woman, and yes, these are pirate-y contexts where violence does a lot of communicative work (LOL). But fuck it. I know we get Olu suggesting that Ed will murder Stede, and Stede is clueless and the thing gets played a bit for laughs. (That's a "Friends" call out? I wouldn't know.)

If we know one thing, it's that Ed and Stede love each other. They don't always know it themselves, but we get to know this as the audience. I don't know whether Ed will want to hurt Stede in the show, to express his anger and hurt that way. But I hope he doesn't.

Ed didn't take up violence as his tool in response to Stede's disappearance until the confrontation with Izzy. Shoving Lucius overboard and marooning the Crew were horrible, but are maybe the pirate equivalent of avoiding your ex's friends after a break up. And, of course, the only way he can maintain his Blackbeard persona, which seems like his only choice in the aftermath of the Izzy confrontation.

But "punishing" Stede for leaving him (which, we know, is not really what Stede did but Ed certainly assumes that it's what happened) is the epitome of ugly, toxic, patriarchal, masculine bullshit that I think Jenkins &Co. are trying to critique.

A lover/partner who leaves their lover/partner should not be punished, despite the fact that it's a kind of betrayal. And here's hoping that however Ed and Stede reunite, OFMD will make that as clear as possible, on the way to making us laugh and cry some more.