#staying alive: first flame
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Thank you so much for the tag @faytelumos !
No pressure tags: @hufflepuffwritingstuff2 @sunnynwanda @heroes-villains-side-blog @deckofaces
Here's the last thing I wrote for my WIP novel series. This is from the first (very unfinished) book! Bear with me please because Idk how "good" this is. A teeny bit long, but nothing crazy. TW for blood, a nightmare, insomnia mention and sort of emeto.
I was sitting in my room, watching a movie on my laptop, when I heard a weird noise. Thudding. It mustâve been very loud because I had the volume turned all the way up, the door closed and could still hear it.
I tried to ignore it, but it wouldnât stop. So, I settled for pausing the movie and checking it out.
I decided to grab a broom, just in case. I had a gut feeling that it was a bad idea, but I was overcome with curiosity. It was coming from the front door. I opened the door, broom still in hand, finding absolutely nothing.
I woke up covered in cold sweat, gasping for air. I pinched my upper arm hard; the pain being the only reassurance I had that the ordeal was over. Walk it off. This isnât the first time you get stressed and end up with a bad dream. Stoicism was my crap coping mechanism for things like this.
Shutting the door behind me swiftly, I dropped the broom, and I went into the bathroom. Feeling lightheaded, I gripped the sink with both hands and threw up. Blood. Not blood and whatever Iâd eaten, but pure crimson liquid that spilled out of my throat and dripped from my lips. It was all over my chest, overflowing from the sink. I collapsed on the floor in exhaustion, coughing slightly. âIâm sorry,â I whispered to no one in particular.
I attempted to avoid my motherâs questions about why I woke up an hour earlier by mumbling something about not turning on mflight mode. She seemed to have stopped trying to pry any information out of me. But the second we were all in the car, she hit me with, âHow did you sleep last night, Karim?â
A loaded question. As though I didnât know where she was headed with this. My mum was pretty stubborn when it came to stuff like this.
âWell enough.â And I was even more stubborn. âWhy donât you ask Laila how well she slept?â I raised an eyebrow somewhat comically. And the thing is, I already knew the answer. She stayed up all night overthinking, if the dark circles under her eyes were any indication. Acute insomnia.
She laughed. âAlready did that, sweetheart. Except she gave me a straight answer.â Laila stuck her tongue out at me, and if it werenât for my motherâs presence, Iâd have flipped her a rude gesture.
âI got a really gross dream where I threw up blood in the sink. Happy?â
Laila gagged and mum just remained silent for a few moments, breaking it with, âJust try not to stress yourself. Which is virtually impossible given the current situation. But whenever you need to talk, Iâm here. For both of you.â We arrived at school.
âThanks, mum,â I replied, but Laila outclassed me by giving her a hug, and Iâve never felt more emotionally repressed.
âThatâs not something you need to thank me for. Itâs the bare minimum,â she replied, smiling.
Last Line Tag
tagged by @talesofsorrowandofruin over here!
tagging @anxiousgoblinsworld, @hd-literature, @tayswritings, @ink-flavored, @writegriffinsect, @eternalwritingstudent, @faytelumos, @perseverantdt, @wayoftheghost, @aalinaaaaaa, and whoever else would like to jump in :)
rules post the last line or snippet you've written in your chosen WIP!
âItâs an open wound,â he says. The ground shakes. âGrief.â
Kjoln blinks, wipes mud off the barrel. Somewhere in the distance, a bullet makes its home in a manâs chest. âDoes it stop hurting? Will the⊠wound heal, someday?â
The man smiles. âNo. It stays an open wound. But you learn to tape it closed, eventually.â
âThat doesnât sound very appealing.â
âWell, youâre not bleeding out anymore, are you? Thatâs what counts.â
Kjoln spares a glance at his hands, soot-stained and blood-drowned. He feels a little guilty. Here he is complaining about his wounds when heâs just made dozens on the other side without batting an eye.
#last line tag#tag game#my mutuals#my stories#fiction#oc: Karim#oc: Laila#oc: Sarah#what I have down for chapter 7#staying alive: first flame#chapter 7: what no one wants to see#WIP
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why the fuck are over 900 of you still here asjdfk;l
#*blows off dust*#uh#idk twitter is in flames and i decided to log back in for the first time in a long time#it's been 5 years so obviously a lot has changed#idk if i'm coming back or not but like if twitter literally DIES i guess maybe#but hi i am alive if for some reason one of you ever wondered?#i am alive an ok just fell off of tumblr#for many reasons#but i guess stay tuned for a potential return#idk#asjdfk;#idk why i'm posting anything either i was just so surprised to see 923 FOLLOWERS STILL WHy
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A brother's betrayal. // Aemond Targeryen x Aegon's Wife!Reader
Summary: You hear about your husband's injury and immediately rush over to visit him, you were devastated to see him in such a state, mere moments later, the cause of his injury steps in the room, his brother.
WARNINGS: dubious consent(?), choking, manhandling, rough sex, physical assault (nothing much, reader just slaps aemond), slight aegon x reader, season 2 spoilers, cunnilingus, unprotected p in v sex, TRAUMA, ANGST ANGST ANGST, dacryphilia, profanity, reader goes through the suffering of war, mentions of b&c but it happened to the reader, reader has a child with aemond and as well as aegon, mentions of childloss, manipulation, toxicity + not proofread
Could be read as part 2 of "A brother's duty." or alone!
WC: 3k
A/N: yeah idk why I wrote this, perhaps I wanted angst but yeah, like it's mentioned this can be read as a part 2 or stand alone! divider credits: @cafekitsune
You rushed to Aegon's chambers the moment you had heard of his injury, footsteps echoing through the halls loudly, you had received the news that he had gotten burnt badly on one of his sides.
The door to his chamber was wide open, and you entered hastily inside, only to find the maesters and Alicent already in the room, you could tell by her demeanour that she was greatly troubled, you went over to her side and gasped the moment you looked at Aegon. âIs he dead?â You ask, voice trembling with sorrow and Alicent shakes her head, âNo.â She swallows.
âMy dear, you should probably leave, you cannot be watching this all whilst also grievingâŠâ Alicent trails off, not wanting to mention your son. You shook your head, trying to stay strong.
You were watching the maesters for a few moments, when you felt the presence enter the room, It was Aemond.
Aemond walked in quietly and rested his hands on the sides of the bed, he was looming over Aegonâs body with a menacing stature
He turned and stared at you.
And you swore you saw a glint of satisfaction on his expression.
You felt like throwing up.
You snapped your head away from his direction when you heard Aegon huffing for air, sniffling when you looked at the raw wounds, tears glazed your eyes, looking at your husband in such a state.
He wasn't able to breathe properly, taking sharp breaths for he couldn't inhale, there was a pit forming in your stomach as you stared further, the maesters treated his wounds, you felt helpless.
Aemond still hasn't left the room yet, watching you sob for his brother, he furrowed his brows in annoyance.
âSomebody would need to rule in his stead.â Aemond speaks and you were in disbelief, his brother is hurt badly and those are the first words he speaks? He doesn't even ask the maesters if his brother is alive.
Alicent glares at him, eyeing him suspiciously.
âYour grace, I advise you all leave the chamber, we are about to begin the second treatment, and it isn't pleasant on the eyes.â The maester informs you and you nod slowly, feeling devastated after seeing your husband in such a horrible position.
Alicent walks out first in a hurry, probably going to Ser criston cole to inquire about what happened.
But you knew.
Aemond was definitely involved with this.
You walk out slowly, Aemond following you out right behind you, you tried your best to ignore him and walk away, but bubbling rage simmered inside you, knowing that he was at fault for this.
Your wrist was grabbed harshly by Aemond before he pulled you into a small corridor and slammed you against the wall. The rage you tried to hold in so badly bursted out in flames. You slapped Aemond across the face.
He was shocked.
The shock was quickly replaced by anger as he grabs your neck, holding you against the wall and tightens his grip around your neck, you feel yourself getting light headed from losing air.
âIt was you- wasn't it?â You choke out angrily and Aemond smirks, closing his grip further. Your mind began to spin, you clawed at his arm trying to get him to release you, yet it's all in vain.
âWhy are you upset?â He genuinely questions and loosens his grip slightly, you look at him dumbfounded, in disbelief that he doesn't feel the weight of this situation right now.
âHow can I not be?! You've tried to kill your own brother! My Lord husband! Your King!â You yell at him, and he shakes his head, âIt was a mistake- he happened to get caught in the crossfireââ
âOh save the excuses, Aemond.â You scoff and he immediately releases his hold on your neck, making you cough as you try to inhale air, whilst gently massaging the area he grabbed.
âYou and I, we both know that there is no chance that you would happen to mistakenly burn him, you plotted it, all for what?â You ask, staring right into his eye. âFor his throne? For the power? What have you achieved through this? You've lost a dragon, your stupid decision will cost us a great loss to us.â You try to feed him common sense, yet the expression on his face remains unchanged.
âI did this for the years of humiliation I had endured, I deserve this as compensation, don't you think?â He whispers menacingly and you feel shivers up your spine. âYou want him to compensate with his life? Have you lost it?â You argue.
âI've lost everything I wanted to him.â He twists up an answer, âHe isn't worthy of a dragon, yet sunfyre was hatched to him, he isn't worthy of the power, yet it was given to him, he isn't worthy of being a king, yet he is, he isn't worthy of you, yet he has you.â Aemond grits his teeth in anger.
âEverything I wanted was given to him. All because he was the first born, is it not unfair?â He looks you in the eyes. You look down, closing your eyes; taking deep breaths. âBut he doesn't deserve such a punishment.â You mumble.
Aemond grabs your shoulders gently, his touch now more forgiving than previously, he hooks his index finger under your jaw and tilts your head to face him. His thumb softly caresses your check. âI did this for us.â He sighs and you shake your head. âYou had admitted yourself that you do not love Aegon, so why does it bother you so much?â He pries.
âBecause I care for him as his wife, he may not have been the best husband, yet he was understanding.â You begin âIn fact, he was the reason why we were both able to discover each other.â You finish.
Aemond is reminded of the past you three had shared, an utmost act of depravity and desperation, you had been shared by the brothers with a mutual agreement, he had to admit, his brother was indeed the reason why he was able to finally have you.
âAnd he mourned in your stead at the loss of our son, even though he knew it wasn't his.â You grit your teeth, clenching them as grief overwhelms you at the thought of your son, who had been a victim of murder. âWhile you were fucking your whore.â You recalled.
You were angry with Aemond for a lot of reasons, how could he betray his own family? He had been absent the night your son was murdered, and he hasn't shown any emotion since then. âYou are aware that I cannot mourn publicly for our son.â He reasoned but you scoffed, âWhat about in private? Have you ever told me that you felt sorry? Have you ever tried to comfort me? It was Aegon who reached out to me when I was grieving.â You cry out, all the pain you were holding in your heart pouring out.
âHe must've been a great person to you, but he hasn't to me.â Aemond counters back, and you let out a heavy sigh, not wanting to argue anymore, this war has taken a toll on you.
It felt like you were talking to a wall, pushing off his hand and turning to leave, but you are immediately stopped by Aemond blocking your escape with his arm.
âIt might not look like it, but I too am grieving for the loss of our son.â He whispers, âI want to destroy the ones who caused this, and Aegon being in the rule will not let it happen easily, he is an idiot.â He tries justifying his actions, but you only glare at him.
âSo you will be succeeding in his stead?â You ask and he nods, âJaehaerys, my son, Aegon's heir, is still alive.â You furrow your brows, âUnless.. Don't tell me you're planning to take that child away from me too? For your greediness?â You question and he shakes his head âHe is a child, the council will decide who will be the best candidate.â He replies.
âI can't believe you, Aemond, I barely recognize the man you've become.â You weep, Aemond pulls you close, wrapping his arms around your torso and pulling you into a hug, you do not hug him back.
âI sometimes wish that it was Jaehaerys who died instead of our son Rhaegar.â He mutters and you push away from the hug, looking at him with disgust. âYou picked him, did you not?â Aemond hits the sore spot, reminding you of the incident in detail.
âThey made me choose.â You breath heavily, body trembling as you recall the traumatic night, âAnd you chose to keep Jaehaerys.â He clenches his teeth in anger. âNo.â You reply.
âWhat?â He questions.
âI chose Rhaegar to keep, but they were cruel and killed him instead.â Tears stream down your face, âI did not want to choose, I did not want to choose! I do not favour any of my sons above each other, I could barely escape with Jaehaerys in time.â You sniff, fists clenching as you recall the incident.
His eye widened at the revelation.
The main reason for him not mourning for Rhaegar was the anger he held towards you for choosing Jaehaerys over his son, yet he couldn't take it out on you as you were grieving too, but something about this provided him comfort.
He's sick in the head, he feels happy knowing you'd always choose him, his blood, his legacy.
He wipes your tears away, âI apologise, it was insensitive of me.â He wipes the tears off your cheek with the sleeve of his clothes, you couldn't help but stare at him.
He pulls you close, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, giving you all the affection you need to calm down, kissing your forehead, rubbing your back, holding your hand in reassurance. You found it odd.
You bask in his momentary comfort for a bit before you hear footsteps and push him away, running off in the other direction towards the nursery, where your son Jaehaerys resided.
The council meeting ended with the conclusion that Aemond would be the prince regent.
Excited would be an understatement, he finally has the power he wanted.
They immediately begin to plan for the next step to take in the war.
The evening fell swiftly, Aegon had been treated to the best of the maesters ability, and you visited him on the eve, still not being able to stomach the sight. You had bought Jaehaerys in when the maesters had covered up all his wounds.
Jaehaerys rushed over to his father's side, âMother, what has happened to father?â He asks you, wondering why his dad was in such a terrible state, âHe got injured.â You reply, âWho hurt him?â He asks unknowingly, you bite your lip, and shake your head, âIt is unknown, he got hurt in the war.â You tell him and he nods.
Aegon was taking in gasps of air, as he was not able to breathe normally, his eyes remained shut.
You and Jaehaerys both stayed in the chamber for a while, you watched in sorrow as Jaehaerys rambled on and on to his father about the things he did the time he was gone. You smiled when he leaned in close to whisper in his dad's ear, likely something he doesn't want you to know.
You wondered if Rhaegar would also be spending time with Aemond, if he wasn'tâ
You cut yourself off from the thoughts. Refusing to entertain them further, because you had to be strong.
âJaehaerys, let's leave, your father probably needs rest, it's best not to bother him anymore.â You extend your hand out, Jaehaerys rushes over and grabs it with his tiny hand, before saying his goodbye to his father and leaving the chamber with you. You swore you heard him say your name but you brushed it off thinking that it was probably your mind.
The child's room was heavily guarded now, with more than four knights just looking after him. You felt safer but it did not undo the anxiety you still had.
You read Jaehaerys a bedtime story, to which he fell asleep quickly too, you kissed him on the forehead and left the room. You did not want to, but you had to.
Because the prince regent has called for you.
You rushed to his chambers.
âYou called for me?â You waste no time, asking him upon entering and he nods, you felt his demeanour change completely, he seemed entirely different now. There was a vast contrast in his personality from the morning.
âI wanted to spend time with you.â
He could not be serious.
âAemond, are you out of your mind-â He cuts you off, grabbing you by your hand and pulling you into a kiss. You wanted to resist, you wanted to push him away, but the minute his lips came in contact with yours, you melted.
It felt wrong.
It was wrong.
But something in the rhythm of his lips held a sweet melody that comforted you. You sighed heavily, your lips moving against his, reciprocating his feelings.
His hand snaked around your waist pulling you close against his body, flushing yours with his, he held your face tightly with his other hand, caressing your cheek while kissing you. Your hands gripped onto his shoulders for support.
He pulls away momentarily looking at you, searching for approval in your eyes but you pull him back into the kiss, indicating that you do want this.
He picks you up all of a sudden, you shriek in surprise grabbing tightly onto him to balance yourself, he takes you to his bed, laying you down and continuing to kiss you.
He pushes you further up the bed, you spread your legs to accommodate him as he continues to pepper your lips and cheeks with his kisses.
You flip around the position so that you're now on top, catching him by surprise, you climb onto his lap, straddling him before showering his neck with kisses. His hands busy themselves with undoing your dress, pulling at the strings that are holding the top part of your dress together.
You gasp for air, pulling from the kiss and looking him in the eye. He pushes a few stray strands away from your face, tucking them behind your ear, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip to collect the wetness that resided there.
âGevie.â (beautiful) He whispers, staring at you in awe.
You hug him, laying on his chest, before finally breaking down, crying onto his shoulders, clinging onto his clothes. He caresses your head, comforting you.
He flips the position around again, now he's on top of you.
You lay there, staring at him with teary eyes, his tongue coming in contact with your cheek, licking up the droplet of tears, you felt butterflies in your gut. He kisses your eyes before he pulls back.
He sits back on his haunch, pushing your skirt up, bunching it up against your thighs before he pulls off the stockings you had on. Your thighs trembled when you felt his cool hand graze against them.
He threw them off the bed before he hooked his hands underneath your thigh, pulling you down as he went down underneath your skirt.
His lips caught your sensitive bud immediately, latching onto it for dear life. You grabbed his head out of instinct, hips lifting up slightly. You spread your legs wider, making it easier for him. His tongue swirled around your entrance before he swiped it up, latching onto your clit again.
He suckled onto it, the sensation drew you insane, you gasped for air, whining slightly as Aemond continued his ministrations.
You felt the familiar itchiness begin to bloom in your lower abdomen, you grind your face against his in desperation, wanting to feel the sweet feeling which you haven't felt for a while, and your wish comes true when your body convulses as the pleasure overtakes it.
You let out a loud moan of his name, making him groan in pleasure as well.
He lets you ride out your orgasm before he pulls apart, licking his lips, tasting your juices once again. He doesn't waste anymore time before undoing his breeches, pulling them halfway. His tip was leaking.
You waited in anticipation as Aemond positioned himself between your legs, pushing his cock into your cunt. You gripped the bedsheets when you felt the stretch. He hooked both of your legs onto his shoulders before he moved.
His movement showed desperation, his thrusts were hard and rough, he gripped your thighs harshly, leaving his nail bites onto your soft flesh. Your mind was spinning from the way he moved inside you, your body arched in pleasure.
He pushes your legs against your chest, hunching over as he moves faster, his tip kissed your sweet spot gently, He trembled moaning at the way your cunt clenched around his cock.
âFuck fuck, you feel so fucking good.â He praises, his rhythm beginning falter, you blush at his words, clenching around him once again that drove him inside.
His cock penetrated your walls with utmost determination and precision to make you finish first before he did, your sweet spot was being poked over and over again, he understood that when you would gasp loudly.
The repeated disturbance caused a fire prickling in your stomach before you felt it suddenly go out, its smoke spreading all throughout your body, blinding you as you felt lightheaded.
âOh fuck Aemond!â You threw your head back, hands clenching against the sheets tightly as the intense pleasure hit you hard.
He moaned loudly too, his cock spurted out his seed inside you, painting your walls with his essence. He collapsed on top of you immediately right after, his body giving up finally.
You both caught your breaths slowly, letting the feelings soak in, you felt a wet droplet on your shoulder trail down, and then another one, it began to continue like rain. You realised that Aemond was crying.
You held him closely, hugging him.
You did not say anything, letting him cry his feelings out of his body through the tears.
You both basked in the fleeting moment of comfort as you knew that nothing will ever go back to the way it was before.
Aemond knew too, he had become a monster in your eyes.
A monster you loved.
No,
A monster you still love.
â ! âĘĘ- thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it <3 comments and reblogs are appreciated greatly âĄ
#aemond smut#aemond x reader smut#aemond targaryen smut#aemond targaryen x reader smut#aemomd x reader#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond x fem!reader#aemond fanfiction#aemond fic#x reader#x reader smut#reader insert#hotd x reader smut#hotd x reader#aemond fanfic#aemond targaryen fic#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen#tw: dubcon
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did some raids with two ppl from my fc wow i love ffxiv
#jtext#no we did wod#and my fc leader does savages but didnât know the mechanics for the doom boss#and got flamed by my cohealer who was not healing SHIT#like stfu at least he stayed alive when you couldnât even hit raise for whatever reason#then we did europhsyne which it was my first time#and i died like 5 times lol#didnât even drop anything for healer đ„Č#and i got rescued into an aoe#but we didnât wipe!!!!!!!!!!#and it was really fun lol
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â BLUSH BLUSH ! anemo | hydro | geo | pyro
‷ yan! hybrid! neuvillette, diluc, thoma, bennett, gaming, lyney
summary ! a connection to fire doesn't ultimately mean hot-headed, but these hybrids are equally passionate in their love for you. like a moth to a flame, you are taken in by their warmth, not noticing when the heat starts to sear.
content ! overprotectiveness; mentions of mĂșrder; mention of breaking your limbs
notes ! oh and there's neuvillette too ig
for such a hybrid of his nature, the way you encountered NEUVILLETTE was entirely⊠ordinary. you were just out on a walk with zhongli to the village below after offering to run some errands. it was purely out of the desire to stretch your legs instead of being cramped in that manor, but that decision had led you to encounter one of the rarest beings alive⊠scooping water out of the nearby river and tasting it. you had gawked at him, eyes darting from the river to the sediments floating in his⊠wine glass? silently, he made a toast to you and sipped from the water. âearthy,â he had said, with all the refinement of a wine connoisseur.Â
you had been ecstatic when NEUVILLETTE introduced himself to you as a dragon hybrid, making that the fourth of the mythical hybrids youâve met so far. zhongli was less than pleased, pursing his lips and choosing to say one or two curt greetings for the sake of basic politeness. youâre not as dense as the others make you out to be, but even if you were, anyone could tell that something was going on between the two hybrids. the way they exchange glances, human eyes turning into territorial slits for a few seconds before going back to normal as they entertain you⊠yeah, somethingâs up.Â
NEUVILLETTE had already caught wind of a benevolent young master who had one too many hybrids under their roof, so he had no qualms about introducing himself as a hybrid to you. something about you had already captivated him first-hand. perhaps itâs your eyes, filled with the naivete of a sheltered child but unafraid of knowing the curiosities of the world. or maybe itâs how your expression turned to that of glee when he introduced himself as a hybrid, overjoyed rather than fearful of his mythical status. when you walked him back to your manor, it was clear how well you took care of your hybrids with the way they greeted you warmly and clung to your side. ⊠perhaps, this was the peaceful harmony between humans and hybrids that he had always longed to see.
except the longer he stayed in your manor, the more he could sense that something sinister was brewing underneath the surface. it didnât come from the human housestaff or the human⊠you. you, who was as fallible as any human, was not the cause of this unease he was feeling. the more he observed your hybrids, the more he unraveled the image of this so-called found family. some of them touch you far too inappropriately for human standards, others sway you with carefully crafted words laced with sweet smiles, and gentle tones, and there are the occasional slip-ins to your drink and food when you glance away. all this he watches from afar, still too estranged from the others to make any comment about it. he realizes that rather than a house made for them, this was a cage they had created to be yours.
he had ought to bring this up with you, about the things they do to you. NEUVILLETTE could not see any of their actions as anything other than a strange displacement of obsession and it was only just that you become aware of it, if you hadnât already. but one day you were called to your fatherâs in the city, and a week later you had come back looking a little blank and dead. your eyes were puffy from crying too much yet you forced yourself to smile (albeit shakily and weakly) whenever the hybrids had asked about your welfare. aether led you back to your room, shooting them all a glance before they all shared the same knowing glance and dispersed. it was only later that he realized the precarious position you were born into, with a father who could care less and high societyâs eyes on you.
NEUVILLETTE is soft and gentle when he handles you. he speaks in that firm yet endearing voice, gentlemanly in all his conduct, and not once seeming to take advantage of you. heâs part of the education team, teaching you about language arts and sometimes even judicial subjects that would aid you should you ever step back into high society. those subjects are there for you to use for your own⊠agenda, but NEUVILLETTE doesnât exactly have the heart to raise you to be a conniving manipulator, so he quietly leaves that to ayato.Â
NEUVILLETTE hasnât felt a strong desire for anything in his long, long life, but that has changed ever since had met you. one smile from you was enough to break down the walls that had been built up over the centuries, enough to make him want you. to have you wrapped in his embrace, to hold your hands in his, to wipe away the tears caused by the harsh society you were born in. he wants to treat you gently, believe him, but itâs so hard to do when instincts are creeping up on himâ to bruise your wrist whenever you try to let go, to trap you in this manor to protect you, to have so prettily dolled up in the treasures of the world that youâd never want to go anywhere elseâŠÂ
⊠but having you here right now, laughing at the cream on his nose, is more than enough. the hybrids do well to protect you and he does his best too. he hopes that this domestic bliss with you all will never end and that those monstrous instincts that want to⊠do things to you⊠will forever be kept in the dark.
RELATIONSHIPS: zhongli is a bit more fearful of him than he lets on, but the territorial instinct within him always tries to rile up neuvillette whenever they meet. neuvi isnât one to lose to another dragon so easily. but on a lighter note, he enjoys tea time with wriothesley and aether and advises the younger hybrids whenever they need it.
DILUC is a peregrine falcon who has been skulking in the shadows of city life ever since he escaped from his previous owner. aether had come across him while he was on one of his stakeouts and after seeing the horrible state the hybrid was in, invited him to your manor. for the first weeks, he was obviously apprehensive, but seeing how well the hybrids were being taken care of, eased up you over time.
DILUC lives a relatively quiet life in your manor, helping out in the kitchen or going out on patrols whenever needed. heâs quite famous among the hybrids and servants for his bartending skills, and when the night calls for it he can be found stirring behind the counter to entertain some of the more liquor-inclined hybrids. venti is one of his usual patriots, strumming on his lyre for the entire manor. DILUC is a bit fearful of serving you alcoholic drinks, especially in a manor full of hybrids ready to pounce on you at any time, so when you order one he tends to leave out the alcohol and just let the placebo effect run its course.
one of the strongest from your non-mythical hybrids, he gets pestered by the others to clean up their messes. he looks irritated and will scold them for their incompetence, but he cleans up after them nonetheless. sometimes, you can catch him sparring with the younger hybrids as he instructs them on their posture and strategy. his words are harsh, but you can tell by how he pats their head and how fondly he thinks of them.
when it comes to you, however, DILUC noticeably becomes softer. he speaks to you softly rather than grumpily, and you often find yourself blushing with how tender he treats you sometimes. heâs quite patient with your mistakes and is happy to guide you through them. thereâs nothing more he wants than to see you grow into a splendid and pure person, untouched by the corruption of society. he wishes that your eyes will stay the same, naive and innocent, that you wonât ever have to be burdened by your status as heir. alas, he knows that itâs nothing more than wishful thinking.
heâs taught himself how to suppress his hybrid traits, feeling nothing but distaste for them as they were the one thing his previous owner coveted so much. his wings were nothing more than a symbol of his inferiority, the natural chirps thatâd come with his speech embarrassing, and his animal form a vulnerability that could be easily targeted. indeed, heâs been living most of his days as a human rather than a hybrid, but that couldnât possibly be healthy for him. you try to encourage him to let himself go, and although heâs long forgotten how to turn back into his animal form or chirp, he sometimes lets his wings unfurl whenever heâs alone with you. he finds comfort in how your gentle hands preen and pet his feathersâ so careful and tender, unlike his previous master.
should you stay inside the manor for the rest of your life, DILUC would be more than pleased. heâs ready to let everything go just for the sake of simple domesticity with you and the others. literally no red flags will be popping up because heâs satisfied with sheltering you from the dangers of the outside world. however, such an outcome is unlikely, and you taking up your fatherâs seat is the more likely scenario here. in that case, DILUC cannot help but swear to be by your side forever, watching over you and making sure that you do not go to the deep end.
danger lurks in every corner and DILUC just might go insane watching you teeter on such a perilous situation. he might consider dragging you away from that life and force you back into the safety of your manor. you donât need to do all that, right? you donât actually need to run the company by yourselfâ thatâs what your hybrids are here for! heâs on his knees, begging you to come back to a life of safety. you can dress up fancy once in a while, and enjoy yourself at those galas, but youâll be less of an owner and more than a face. who cares, really? being a puppet doesnât sound all that bad, not when youâll be dolled up and pampered and cared for for the rest of your life.
RELATIONSHIPS: kaeya and venti are always badgering him for another drink, which he icily ignores. heâs a bit of a lone wolf, but with the rest of your security team, their silent camaraderie allows them to carry out missions in the dark and protect you whilst lurking in the shadows.
it was by pure coincidence that you guys found THOMA. the handsome gentleman whoâs always been helping out the villagers has always greeted you with a smile and offered to eat chicken skewers whenever you stopped by to visit and hence has been one of the things you looked forward to whenever you visited the village. whilst on a trip to the village with ayato, he took one look at the blonde man and with a coy smile greeted him like they were old friends. which they probably were, because ever since that day THOMA has been a part of your hybrid family as your resident dogboy.
THOMA seems to be able to do it all! the servants love him for his help around the house and his cheerful and easygoing personality. sometimes heâs cooking with the chefs, other times heâs scrubbing the tiles with the maids, or heâs trimming the garden with the gardeners. you often fret that maybe heâs pushing himself too hard, but he always laughs it off and assures you that he loves what he does. you donât quite get the appeal, but heâll distract your worries with a dessert that heâs whipped up just for you.Â
ayato doesnât usually command him but whenever he does, THOMA is quick to follow. you donât quite exactly know their past relationship, other than the fact that ayato was his superior, but THOMA says that ayato isnât as bossy as he used to be. perhaps itâs because youâre the master of this house already. you donât have to worry about making conflicting commands with ayato (because ayato would ensure that heâs lovingly brainwashed you enough to always agree with him), but if he ever does prioritize ayatoâs commands, itâs only for your own good.
it puzzles you a lot, but THOMA seems to enjoy serving others, most especially you. he is happiest whenever he sees your delighted face at waking up to a platter of your favorite food for breakfast. he finds comfort in brushing your hair and weaving flowers in between the strands. whenever youâre sad, it is his utmost pleasure to poof into his dog form and curl up into your lap, letting you stroke his golden fur as you sob your feelings out. he wants nothing more than to treat you right, to be there by your side as you try to navigate the world and its complex intricacies.
heâs fiercely loyal to you and the hybrids, so much so that heâs blinded by it. he does not care about whether or not you have done something wrong; it will always be the outsiders who need to be eliminated. THOMA is a different person whenever he finds out that a subordinate of yours has betrayed you. he canât even fathom it. who in their right mind would betray you? what is there about you to drag through the mud? THOMA only views it as a mere clean-up whenever he kills off one of the bastards. were it not for the blood thatâs been carelessly splattered on his clothes, no one could even guess that your smiling gentleman had killed someone.
THOMA is a selfless and devout worshipper, and he gives everything that he is to you. should you proceed on inheriting your right, he will do everything in his power to spread your influence and good name. ayato usually calls on him whenever you need something special done, simply because of his vast network of connections. youâre a bit frightened when THOMA casually mentions an assassin he knows. he reassures you though, that this is all for your good! he says it so gently, as if he doesnât have his fingers in multiple dangerous resources.
on a more domestic issue, THOMA has a guilty pleasure of seeing you sick. he knows itâs bad to wish harm upon someone as sweet and dear as you, but it fills him with such sick pleasure to be the one to look after your vulnerable state. he dotes on you a lot more, and if you werenât so sick you could see the sweet obsession on his face as he wipes your sweat away. he thinks of asking one of the more science-y hybrids to slip a little something into your food now and then (he knows theyâre more than willing to. hell, he knows theyâve already been doing that), but he thinks better of it. he loves you more when youâre smiling, sitting side by side with him without a care in the world.
RELATIONSHIPS: thoma is friends with everyone, even the villagers down below! if heâs not by your side, heâs at ayatoâs, indulging him in his eccentric whimsies and often being the victim of his pranks. aether is often pestering him to rest, so when heâs not doing any chores, heâs often found taking a nap in the garden in his fluffy dog form.
you found BENNETT injured and alone outside of your house one day and you, already used to this song and dance, hurriedly ran with the bunny in your arms to the first aid kit. the poor thing had small nicks and scars all over its body, ash-gray fur matted with dried blood and mud. it took a lot of days for the bunny to recover enough to wake up, but when it did, it was already bounding with limitless energy and a sunny disposition. upon seeing you again, it bounded up to you, and with a poof!, BENNETTâs boyish grin greeted you in his hybrid form. âthanks for helping me out! iâm bennett, mind letting me stay here?â
how could you not say no to that charming smile? you found out that BENNETT had been abandoned by his previous owner after the unluckiness he had brought themâ termites in their walls, couch eaten by moths, etc.â which seemed like a cruel joke because they had explicitly bought him for luck. you also realize that BENNETT finds some shame in his whole animal form, finding its scarred appearance ugly, and he often flattens his ears against his head to hide the cuts. he wishes that he could take a fully human form but alas, it seems that heâs still not skilled enough to reach that level.
BENNETT really tries his best but whatever he does seems to end up in failure. he doesnât let this get him down though! he believes that eventually, heâll run out of his unluck and be able to live a normal life. of course, this still spells trouble for everyone around him, so servants donât usually ask him to do anything. heâs understanding of it, but it does make him a bit glum. thankfully, youâre here to cheer him up! making him run errands to the village shouldnât trigger too much of his unluckiness⊠right?
heâs really touch starved, but heâs afraid to be near you let alone touch you. although he knows it's irrational, he canât help but be paranoid that maybe just touching you is enough for his bad luck to rub off on you. youâve already been kind enough to take in a mess like him, so he doesnât want to make things worse by affecting you of all people. your sincerity and concern are enough to have him falling all over again for you, but when you catch him off guard and scratch his floppy ears, he melts into a contented puddle and into your touch.
BENNETT gets needier the more affection and touch you shower him with, but he tries his best to distance himself (though he fails). your kind eyes have been his only saving grace in a world where he was born to be sold and abandoned and the cycle repeated. you, who are so different from his sneering masters who saw him as nothing more than a pesky hybrid, have given him reason to power through all the pain heâs been feeling. whenever he does something successful, he gets all quiet and squirmy as he awaits your praise. when he doesnât get it, heâs sent into a spiral of gloom and self-doubt.
should there be a dangerous mission that needs to be executed, the best candidate for the job is BENNETT who will do his utmost to make the job succeed no matter what. it doesnât matter if his bad luck is getting in his wayâ he has to finish the job so he can make you happy. even though heâs wrapped up in bandages and suffering near-fatal injuries, he shoots you a thumbs-up and a happy grin as guilt settles in your heart. itâs painful, but what is a little pain compared to helping you succeed and rise to the top?
all of his motivations are spurred by the need to be acknowledged by you and to stay by your side. heâs already used up his luck in finding you, and he doesnât want that to run out anytime soon. a deep fear encompasses his whole being; a fear that one day you might abandon him like the rest of them. but that wonât happen! because BENNETT sucks up whatever life throws his way, fatal or not, and continues to charge forward. if he makes himself useful, then surely youâll still allow him to stay by your side, no?
RELATIONSHIPS: a hybrid on the younger side, heâs often playing with razor and the other youngins. since the hybrids all have their own unique dispositions, no oneâs quite bothered by the disastrous aftereffects that his unluckiness brings. heâs often sparring with kaeya as he learns how to fight from him.
when GAMING first arrived, he gave everyone quite a fright. it was a peaceful day out, only for it to be ruined by one of the maids screaming. when you rushed out to see what was going on, you were greeted by a lion cub yawning on a big warm rock, unbothered by the stares directed at it. peeking one eye open, it finally saw the pairs of eyes on him until it met yours and with a grin (the maids shrieked again, mistaking it for bared fangs), he jumps from the rock and poofs into his hybrid form. a cute boy with twitching ears and sparkling eyes gazed up at you with an eager look on his face.
you all warmed up to the lion cub pretty quickly. GAMING was both cheerful and calm, and overall a pleasant boy to hang around with. you heard that heâs made fast friends with the villagers downhill and every time he comes back he always brings treats to share with everyone. to you, he personally sees to it that you eat the little treats he brings home. you think he likes to watch you eat, with how earnestly his eyes follow your handsâ every move and the excited wagging of his tail as he watches your expression. you try to feed him too, but he insists that you eat it because he bought it just for you.
heâs so charismatic and sincere that you find yourself blushing at the simplest of his actions. like when you walked into the hybrids taste testing the head chefâs newest treat, he quickly offered up a spoon for you to eat from. as he eagerly awaits you to eat from the spoon, you start blushing with how close GAMING is to your face and coupled with his earnest expression as well. the other hybrids drill into the back of his head with his deathly stare, so much so that the head chef decides to nope out of the situation and escape into the next room. heâs just a natural gentleman, you suppose, though it does attract some irked glances your way.Â
however, heâs not as composed when itâs your turn to shower him with affection. one time, you decided that it was nice enough weather to eat your teacakes outside. not one to pass up on snacks, GAMING quickly took you up on the offer to accompany you and your mind suddenly thought of taking revenge on him by teasing him with a teacake. it took a long time for him to realize, but when he finally processes the slowly closing gap between you and him, he makes a startled yelp and scrambles back. you sit back, amused at his steaming face and panicked eyes, before laughing at his expression and finally handing him the snack. your giggles continued to ring throught the garden as he very adorably pouted and whined you to not surprise him like that.
GAMING is very overprotective of you. understandably so, since you are the naive heir of a multmillionaire company squirreled away in the boonies whoâs never experienced the real world. he has no problem killing off outsidersâ heâs got no emotional attachment to them, so he slices through them quickly and easy like knife and butter. but heâs at a loss when you hurt yourself. itâs a given that you might get overexcited when youâre let out into the outside world, but sometimes that makes you a little bit reckless. his eyes widen and his breaths go uneven when he spots the bloody scrape on your knee, but he swallows it down and quickly tends to it like a good big brother. he scolds you lightly, but there is something⊠unsteady⊠underneath that brotherly smile.
the more you move up to the world, the more at odds he is with himself. he realizes more and more that itâs becoming nigh impossible for him to protect you. soon, the worldâs eyes will be on you, and there will be no place for an insignificant beast like him to insert himself in. he argues with the other hybrids to stop this, to stop you, because sooner or later all this money and fame will kill you. others empathize with him, then others support your rise. GAMING grows more unstable as he watches you put yourself in more and more dangerous situations all for the sake of duty.
there are more powerful hybrids in this house, so GAMING canât possibly act on his wishes, but he prays that he can just break that leg of yours or leave you incapacitated enough that you are unable to inherit your rights. itâs your father, isnât it? shackling you down with a life you never asked for. he wishes that youâd never have to live a life so burdened by the decisions of your father, that youâd continue eating dimsum and cakes with him and the others like before. but all he can do is join the fight to protect you, the only thing he can do as a humble beast.
RELATIONSHIPS: gaming is often spotted enjoying snacks with chongyun and xingqiu or taking out the other security team members to a nice food stall in the village. because aether is a cat, he often asks him for tips on how to fight, believing that he could learn from a stronger feline. he is also often seen staring wide-eyed at zhongli and getting shy when the mythical dragon greets him.
LYNEY approaches you on one of your visits to your fatherâs building, with a charming smile on his face and endless magic tricks to entertain you with. you are quickly drawn in by his charisma, but when youâre held back by a frowning and apprehensive aether, you decide to behave yourself. aether is often never wrong in his assumptions about people, and perhaps there is more to the friendly boy than meets the eye. LYNEY, however, plays the pity card, slightly raising his hat and showing off the pair of twitching cat ears on his head. he puts it down and pleads his caseâ a hybrid on the runaway from his abusive owner. you gasp and aether falters, and after enough pleading with him, youâve added another catboy to your collection of hybrids.
half of the house is torn about LYNEY. the more naive ones welcome him into the fray, eager to have another hybrid and harem member to play with. meanwhile, the wiser ones can sense that something is⊠off about him. none of them have definite proof to back up their suspicions, so none of them bother to tell you. if youâre perceptive, you can sense how on edge they are, but if youâre not then youâre also easily taken in by him as well. no one can deny that LYNEY treats you like you ought to be treatedâ delicate yet playful, serving you like youâre royalty and him the servant.
although LYNEY treats you like a friend, there are times when he feels immeasurably distant from you. you often catch sight of his darkened gaze directed at you, but when you ask him whatâs wrong, he just shakes his head and forces a smile. you think that his eyes look at you with some sort of sadness, but you never push it. you ask the other hybrids if they know LYNEY well, and though they regale you with tales of his magic and friendliness, they never say anything more than that. you wish that heâd come to find his manor as his home⊠though when you bring this up to neuvillette, he just shakes his head and pats you. âsome things just cannot be replaced,â he says, and you wonder if the magician had left something behind at his old place.
when he got this job, LYNEY thought that it would be an easy one. a spoiled rich kid with numerous hybrids at their every call⊠it sounded just like the slavers he abhorred so much. his apprehension was shattered when he met you in the building lobby, fiercely protected by aether like you were some sort of precious treasure. he recalled the way your eyes widened in compassion upon hearing his story and his conflicted feelings only grew stronger when he entered your home and was surprised at how⊠happy everyone was. all the hybrids heâd seen, including himself, were miserable. they could be lucky enough to not get an abusive owner, but that didnât change that they were essentially slaves. here, however, everyone was free. the only thing that tethered them to this place is because they wanted to be with you.
ever since heâs stepped into this manor, itâs been lies upon lies upon lies. LYNEY never really lets himself get too close to the others, and heâs also well aware of the way the more guarded ones look at him. when it comes to you, however, he wishes that he didnât have to wear such a facade. if itâs you⊠then maybe youâd accept him, madness and all. instead, he continues to feed you half-truthsâ his past abuse, his loneliness, the loss of his siblingsâ and delights in the affection he receives. he canât get enough of your attention, even if it is directed towards a half-fiction version of him. but he curls up in your lap nevertheless, purring contentedly as you pet him and ease wallow in the bitterness of his life.
⊠he thought itâd be easy, but LYNEY thinks this is the hardest mission heâs been ever given. the knife is already pressed to your throat, so whatâs stopping him from slitting it? his hands canât budge, and guilt and desire only overwhelm him as he watches your sleeping face. youâve given him more love than he deserves, and he canât seem to get enough of it. youâre so gullible and naive, falling for his tricks and lies, feeding him information that could lead to your downfall⊠what could you possibly do when he leaks everything? right⊠thatâs right⊠your entire life depends on him. that night, he curls up to your bed, pressing kisses to your cheek and whispering all the betrayals heâs done to you. heâs still torn about whether to continue lying or to bare his entire soul to you, but either way, youâll still be the captivating thing heâs laid his eyes on.
RELATIONSHIPS: the moment freminet arrives, heâs ecstatic. aside from his usual magic shows and entertainment, he never sticks around the others for far too long. heâs only spending time with freminet and you, though he and aether have a quiet solidarity as cat hybrids.
#yandere genshin impact#genshin impact#yandere x reader#genshin impact x reader#yandere genshin impact x reader#yandere genshin#yandere male#yandere neuvillette#yandere diluc#yandere thoma#yandere bennett#yandere gaming#yandere lyney#yester.writes#yester.au â hybrids đŸ
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even at our worst, we know we'll still be okay (luke castellan x apollo fem! reader)
summary: Where Percy's insistent pestering forces Luke to rethink on his possibly not platonic feelings for you, his best friend, and Percy's questions are answered for him with Luke's reaction to you being heavily injured on your return from your quest.
pairing: luke castellan x apollo fem! reader
a/n: i'm actually in love with this, maybe it's just the friends-to-lovers in me (where a love confession happens because one of them was near death's door-) but man.. also, i love including percy so much he's such a kid.
masterlist for this series next
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"Face it, man. You're whipped."
Percy watched Luke choke on his water, coughing as he tried to swallow past the sudden accusation. Wiping at the excess that dripped past his chin, Luke raised a brow at Percy.
"Whipped? For who?" Luke questioned, eyes averting and staring straight ahead, beyond the training grounds towards the meadows in the distance, seemingly searching for something or just doing a poor job at avoiding Percyâs unimpressed stare.
âIâm not blind, as much as Annabeth claims, to this...love stuff.â Percy huffed, half in exasperation and half in exhaustion as he leaned forward using his sword to balance himself. âYouâve been depressed ever since she left for her quest.â
Luke doesnât need to hear your name to know who Percy was referring to. Itâs been weeks since you were chosen by your father, Apollo, to descend on some mighty quest to fetch back his lyre that had been stolen. It wasnât supposed to be a dangerous quest, but Luke had felt his gut sinking when he first heard the news from you.
âWhy does he need to send you out there, where you could possibly be tracked down by monsters to get back a musical instrument of all things?â Luke snapped, exasperated as he runs his fingers through his curls, pacing back and forth in the Hermes Cabin, while you laid on his mattress looking undeniably calmer than he was.
âLuke, my dad wonât purposely send me on some death trap. I'll be fine.â You tried to reassure him, waiting for him to calm down in his pacing before you extended your hands in his direction right as he turned to make another round through the cabin for the seventh time. âHey, come here.â You gestured. âSit with me.â
He hesitated, stopping in his tracks as he finally took the time to look at you, noting your concerned expression at him. As if you werenât about to descend on some ridiculous quest to god knows where all because your father couldnât pluck up the effort to collect the instrument himself.
The longer your hands stayed outstretched for him, the more his anger and frustration dissolved into the overwhelming need to be near you. One second, heâs standing and the next, heâs laying in bed with you, your arms wrapped around him to stabilise him even though he should be the stronger one. The one to look out for you.
Laying his head on your shoulder as he wrapped one of his fingers around your hair, curling it in his palms, he spoke again in a soft whisper only for you to hear. âIâm worried.â
âI know.â You responded, your hands tracing at the curve of his shoulder, stopping at his collarbone, before your finger moved to tilt his face by the chin to look at you. âYou trust me, right?â You ask, knowing his answer but wanting to hear the reassurance all the same.
âCourse' I do.â He replied immediately, his eyes intense as he made eye contact with you. That was without question. You could ask him to walk into blazing flames, and he'd trust you would ask for good reason.
âThen you can trust that Iâll make it back alive.â
âAlive can mean lots of things.â He muttered, his eyes growing distant, the ghost of blood and a stinging burn running down the half of his face appearing uninvited in his mind.
âIâll make it back alive and unharmed.â You reiterated, a knowing look in your eyes as you unconsciously traced at his scar, leaving warmth where it resides, making him shiver instinctively. âItâs a promise, Luke.â
He stayed silent, before slowly moving his hand to cup yours that rested over his scar. âIâm counting on it, sunshine.â
That promise rested over Lukeâs conscience, gnawing at the back of his heels, chasing him daily from the early hours as he forced himself not to break over the stress and anxiety before putting on his golden boy facade, to pretend that he wasn't constantly distracted and nauseous over the thought of something happening to you without him being there to protect you.
He would've snuck out of camp if he could, just to find you, but Chiron had been tight-lipped on your destination, his all-knowing gaze piercing right through Luke when he had tried to nonchalantly ask about your whereabouts.
"I wish I could help you, Luke." Chiron had told Luke a few days after you had gone. "However, Apollo's request was clear. Only she shall take on this quest. No one else." The pin-point gaze Chiron had locked onto Luke made it clear he was talking about him.
"I am not whipped." Luke denied. "She's my friend. Like how you're my friend."
"I don't think your friendship with her is normal though." Percy fired back quickly, sipping on his own water as if he didn't casually demolish the older boy. "I swear I caught you bringing her back after curfew to your cabin, a few times in fact."
Luke felt his cheeks flush at Percy's sudden interrogation, smashing facts after facts on an early Tuesday morning. "I've been having.. nightmares lately. She's the only one who keeps them away." He didn't know why he felt like he had to explain himself to the kid, but the longer his friendship with you went under fire, the faster he wanted to get out of this conversation.
"You don't think that's something you should think deeper about?" Percy muttered with a shrug.
Luke is left speechless, his mind short-cutting at the sudden implication of.. him feeling something more for you? His most recent memories flashed through his mind. You tucked under his blanket as you laid beside him for the last night before your quest, a sleepy smile etched on your lips before you whispered him goodnight and he pulled you into his chest so he could feel your heart beating against his to push away any tricks currently playing on his mind, bringing light to how you're the only person he believes could calm him down and bring him peace-
"She's my best friend." Luke replied, more to himself than to Percy. "I'm just worried for her. A quest like that shouldn't take so long, and I keep imagining-"
He stopped in his tracks, not wanting to say his fears out in the open in fear that his words would jinx it, but Percy knew where he was getting at. Percy inched closer to Luke, moving to pat him awkwardly on the back in an effort to comfort him. "It's normal to be worried. From what I heard from Annabeth, you two are really close. I didn't have much conversations with her before she left, but she seems brave, and smart too. I have no doubts she'll make it back. If she's half as good as you, there's no way she wouldn't."
Luke felt a real smile crossing his face, the corners of his lips quirked up at Percy's words. "She's not half as good- she is better than me." He turned to look at Percy, that shine in his eyes noticeable as he talked about you. "Don't let her hear that when she gets back though, she'll talk my ear off for ages."
Percy returned his own smile, elated to see Luke have some improvement in his mood, proof being the first genuine smile Percy's seen in weeks coming from him.
"So.. do you want to stop for today?" Percy attempted with a casual tone.
"Why? Backing out already?" Luke teased, a smirk playing on his lips as he inched towards the kid jokingly with his sword raised.
"No!" Percy denied frantically. "I swear I'm not using the sympathy card as an excuse to get out of training-"
The sounds of a horn cut off his words, groaning across the camp, reaching the training grounds in record time. Luke felt his heart palpitate, nearly crashing into his rib cage.
He barely had time to think, yelling to Percy with urgency flying off his tongue. "Catch you later, Perce!" Then, he was off, his legs carrying him up the hills and back towards the camp entrance.
He heard Percy yell his name in confusion, but he could apologise later for his sudden departure.
You had come back to him.
The journey seemed too long, his shoes scrambling for ground, barely scraping the dirt as he ran towards the front of camp. He didn't know what to expect, a celebration with cheers from the other campers on your arrival, a glimpse of your face with that smile he loves. What he didn't expect was the silence as he came towards a slow jog before ultimately stopping at what seemed to be a crowd gathering around something- or someone.
He pushed his way through, barely making the effort to apologise over the thought of seeing you. His eyes finally caught onto what the onlookers were staring at, and his heart dropped.
You laid on the ground, passed out with what seemed to be dark, angry coils covering your skin, ranging from your neck to the outstretch of your back that was exposed from the gash in your shirt. That stupid lyre laid not too far from you, its golden strings ripped apart.
The sound that tore from his throat barely sounded like his voice, yelling out your name as he pushed through the final barrier in the crowd before reaching for you. He nearly made it before someone dragged him back, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him away.
The curses that left Luke's mouth would make anyone wince, and he had to resist the urge to punch whoever was holding him back as he twisted his head to face his repressor. "Chris! Get out of my way." Luke hissed, still trying to make his way to you, fury twisting in his gut as he couldn't fathom why no one's helped you yet.
"Calm down, Luke!" Chris pleaded, desperation in his eyes forcing Luke to falter. "I know you want to help her but you have to listen to me. Whatever attacked her left something contagious on her body. Someone already tried helping her but it spread to their skin too!"
Wait? While whatever was attacking your body seemed to grow more intense by the minute, as Luke's gaze locked onto your form and watched the sickening, black coils spread further and further up your neck.
"Rodriguez, does it look like I care if it spreads to me?" Luke spat out, giving his friend a final push. "If she dies, I won't ever forgive myself for standing on the sidelines. Let me go now."
The cold venom in his tone made his friend loosen his hold just enough for Luke to rip himself out of his arms to drop his knees beside you. He grabbed hold of your shoulder, which still had shreds of your shirt to prevent him from being stung by whatever was infecting you, but his other hand which grabbed hold of your back did not face the same fate. The coils snaked onto his palm, and he gritted his teeth at the burning sensation.
Just as he turned you around so he could lift you up, he heard the familiar sound of hooves stamping against the soil and he looked up to see Chiron approaching with a grim expression. No words needed to be said as Luke met eyes with the centaur, a mutual understanding as Luke wrapped his arms around your torso and legs.
He pushed through to help carry you up, barking orders for the crowd to part way as he made his way to the infirmary. The longer he held onto you, the more every bone in his body seemed to scream to let you go, but he only focused on every step it took to get you closer to help, his eyes unable to look away from the paleness of your skin, the blue to your lips.
It seemed unfit for a child of Apollo, a child of the sun, to be dull and lifeless. You looked dead, and if it wasn't for the faint drumming of your pulse he could sense from your wrist, he would've struck the name of your father with such unbridled hatred, Apollo himself would descend from the heavens to condemn him.
"Please." He begged, holding onto you tighter despite his body's cries not to. Begging to who, he did not know, but if any being could save you from the fate you did not deserve, and pass it to him instead, he would gladly offer his prayers and worship. If it meant saving you, he would take your pain and suffer it tenfold just to see you open your eyes again.
It took you five days to recover. The infirmary had been quarantined and no one save for Chiron and Will, the main healer from the Apollo cabin, was allowed in. In those five days, no one dared approach Luke, who seemed near death's door despite having received his own small dosage of ambrosia to heal the coils that had managed to sink into his skin. He had begged Chiron to let him visit you, but Chiron deemed him too unstable to be near you, your recovery process a fragile thing that required tentative hands and patience.
Waiting to see you was a torture not even he could have envisioned for himself. He had been torn apart at the seams, of his belief in the gods and the scars that were immortalized onto his body. He had lived through days of water and nothing but false hope, hiding from monsters and other horrors before he made it to camp, arriving as a scrawny boy with eyes having witnessed events no kid his age should have to go through. Yet, no pain he had experienced could compare to his fears of losing you. If he-
He couldn't think of it without wanting to puke, but if he lost you somehow, he would lose his faith in this world. There would be no one to hold him back, no you, to stop him from letting go of the world that failed him and tearing it down.
It didn't help that in those five days, he had dreams. Of a different world, of salvation. A dark, ancient voice called to him, older than time, with whispers of promised glory and revenge. There was no you, none of your soothing touches or voice to wake him. In those five days, his strength faltered and he made a deal.
On the sixth day, he was woken frantically by a shake on the shoulder from his sleep. He roused awake, dizzy and still-half asleep to see Chris talking to him in rushed incoherent words.
"Awake- She's awake, sleepy-head!"
Luke was half-dressed, still fighting off sleep with aggressive rubbing to his eyes as he tugged on his t-shirt, rushing towards the infirmary with Chris hot on his heels.
He burst through the front door, holding his breath when he finally saw you, propped up on two pillows talking to Will. Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, blurring his vision as he rushed over to you.
You turned to him then, just in time to see him blink his tears away. "Luke." You called to him softly, and time seemed to stop just for the two of you, and he could only see you in his vision.
"Can you guys give us some privacy?" You asked politely, eyeing Will and Chris, but your eyes never drifted far before moving back to him.
"Of course." Will responded, quickly getting up from his chair towards the exit, dragging a confounded Chris with him with a tug on the back of his shirt. "Hey! I wanted to see her too-" "Give the two lovebirds some time alone, you idiot."
Luke inched closer to you, his heart beating so loudly in his eardrums he swears you could hear it too. You lifted your arms to him and he didn't waste time, taking you in his arms and embracing you so tight, and yet he felt he couldn't be close enough.
"You were dying. In my arms. I felt it when I carried you in here." He muttered into your shoulder, shaking as he finally let out the exhaustion and pain he had been feeling since the day you left.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." You apologised, rocking him back and forth as your voice croaked up. "All I thought of was you. When I fought against that beast, I kept repeating my promise to you. That I would come back to you. You saved me."
He shook his head, feeling his tears wet his cheeks as he pulled back to grab you by the chin, a gentle touch like he was afraid you would disappear if he couldn't see you talking to him, that your voice would be a hallucination he concocted. "I should've stopped you from going. I had a bad feeling since I heard about it. I should've protected you- prevented you from getting hurt in the first place-"
You stopped him with a kiss, desperate yet shy, before pulling away and pressing your forehead to his. "I love you, Luke. I was so scared I would never get to tell you and it would've been my biggest regret. I love you so much, Luke, and I'm sorry if this ruins anything between us but I can't hide it anymore-"
Luke cut you off the very same way you did, but with such intense hunger you gasped when he kissed you, sloppy and with even more desperation, tugging at your bottom lip and pulling you closer with his hand at nape of your neck. "I love you." He muttered through quick breaths. "I love you, it actually hurts because of how much I do." He admitted, grabbing your hand to place right above his heart, which is owned completely and only by you.
He leaned in once more, addicted to the taste of you, kissing you with one hand holding yours to his heart, the other pulling you close so that there was no space between the two of you. When he had to stop so you both could gasp for air, he pressed his forehead back to yours, the first smile stretching at his lips in days. "I never want to be apart from you ever again, you hear me, sunshine?"
You giggled at his words, nodding slightly. "Wouldn't dream of it."
Extra: Luke reappears with you the next day when you insisted on wanting to get out of the infirmary after being cooped up away from the sun for so long. ("You're such an Apollo kid." Luke teases, which you ignore with a roll of your eyes.) He's with you every step of the way, and now that your feelings are out for each other in the open, he doesn't hesitate to kiss you on the cheek or fawn over you without hiding his intensity.
When he makes eye contact with Percy over the room, the damn kid gives him a wink and a thumbs-up.
a/n: i want to expand so much more on this, with kronos taking advantage of luke's weak mind during your recovery and more, OMGGGGGGG. tell me if you guys want more pls and i'll make more parts. thank you for reading if you made it this far <3
update: I am officially making this into a series called âeverything in betweenâ. To those who want to follow more on their story, you can comment on whether you want to be added to the tag list for this series or check the masterlist!
#luke castellan#luke castellan x y/n#luke castellan x you#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x apollo!reader#luke castellan x fem!reader#pjo#luke castellan fanfic#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#im actually dying inside#luke castellan fluff#luke castellan angst
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Of Roomates and Revenge
Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader
Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg
Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge ⊠and falling in love while doing so
Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)
Compensation: âŹ1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink
Iâm a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever Iâm away for work.
The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, weâll get along just fine.
In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors donât get suspicious.
The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the worldâs hotspots.
Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 mÂČ penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and wonât throw ragers when Iâm gone.
Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.
Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.
Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)
Compensation: âŹ1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox
Iâm a young dude whoâs rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.
What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever Iâm gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.
Duties would include:
Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I donât know how often it needs water
Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too ⊠I think)
Keeping the place tidy (Iâm a bit of a mess)
In return, youâd get:
A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. Thereâs only room for one idiot like that in Monaco â and itâs me)
Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry
Free rein over my gaming setup (just donât break anything)
First dibs on any events/reservations I canât make
The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since youâll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, thatâs good enough for me.
Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! Iâm gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.
No scammy offers or soliciting, please!
Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)
Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink
Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, Iâve got the perfect living situation for you!
Iâm a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When Iâm home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.
What I need is a roommate who doesnât mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.
Youâll get:
Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district
Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment
Access to the buildingâs pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas
As much wine as you can drink (and more)
In exchange, youâll be expected to:
Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement
Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like âYeah, thatâs really tough manâ or âWow, they sound terribleâ
Refill wine glasses as needed
Maybe rub my back or pat my head if Iâm really going through it
The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.
Youâll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.
If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of ChĂąteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!
Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:
Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)
Compensation: âŹ400 per event
Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right â weâre talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.
A little background: Weâve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids â constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. Thereâs a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.
Up until now, itâs been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. Weâre looking for someone impartial who can:
Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike
Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)
Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits
Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose
We will pay âŹ400 cash at the start of each bout. Youâll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until thereâs a clear victor.
Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.
If you can be a neutral third party and arenât squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served â our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!
No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.
P.S. Donât be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)
Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)
Compensation: âŹ2700 per week, free luxury accommodations
Iâm a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...
I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.
Iâm trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him ⊠and maybe make him jealous in the process.
Thatâs where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.
Your main duties would include:
Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line âHi, is [insert my name] here?â Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that youâre at the wrong apartment
Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)
Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc
Ideally youâre an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. Youâll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.
In return, youâll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. Youâll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when youâre off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if youâre trying to network.
Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.
If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and arenât afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.
Iâm an equal opportunity employer â girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if youâve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair ⊠for reasons.
No weirdos please.
Hi,
Okay, I have to admit â your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing Iâve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.
Iâm literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).
A little about my qualifications:
Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics
Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldnât be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman đ
Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our âpassionate nightsâ at earsplitting volumes in that hallway
Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (âOh [whatever your name is]? Yeah heâs just the best at ... stuffâ)
No shame in my pettiness game â I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an exâs favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry
In terms of looks, Iâve been told I have just the right amount of âhotâ to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. Iâm attaching a few photos for reference.
Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!
Iâm a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time Iâm through!
Letâs make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.
Cheers,
Y/N
r/offmychest
u/NotBritneySpears · 16h
My ex-best friendâs new girlfriend is the WORST!
I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighborâs new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. Sheâs loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.
A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, itâs a long story. We donât talk anymore and thereâs a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.
This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:
âOh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!â
Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! Thatâs just the tame stuff too. Sometimes sheâll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didnât need a mental picture of.
Hereâs the thing â she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing â I mean, she doesnât even live on my floor for godâs sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. Iâve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:
âOh gosh, Iâm so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,â with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.
I donât know if my former best friend put her up to this or if sheâs just a massive troll in her own right. But itâs like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time Iâm home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.
My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesnât believe me that itâs just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.
Iâm half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.
I donât know, maybe Iâm being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.
Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.
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u/chronicgossiper · 12h
Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. Iâd look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.
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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h
Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? Itâs not like theyâre blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.
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u/chronicgossiper · 10h
Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they wonât stop.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 9h
Eviction isnât really an option here since we all own our apartments and thereâs no landlord dictating that. Itâs not that type of building.
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u/nosyandproud · 8h
Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?
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u/NotBritneySpears · 7h
He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h
So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you arenât on speaking terms with? Thatâs just asking for drama, dude.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 5h
Itâs a great building in an amazing location. I wasnât going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. Itâs a big place, I didnât think weâd be running into each other much.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h
Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably shouldâve seen some fallout coming.
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u/nosyandproud · 3h
Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 2h
Okay, let me be clear â he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. Weâre not just some casual ex-buddies who donât get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didnât anticipate heâd take things to this vindictive level years later. Iâm not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h
This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!
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u/NotBritneySpears
Not really trying to dredge up old drama, thatâs a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m
Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.
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r/relationships
u/yourusername · 19h
Iâm catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?
Buckle up folks, because Iâve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.
About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (letâs call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.
I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and Iâd be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with Lâs pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.
Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the âauditionâ over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror â two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.
From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each otherâs sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.
But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our âsex marathonsâ!outside said ex-friendâs door and doing phony coupley things around the city, Iâve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. Weâll be tangled up watching movies and heâll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or weâll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears â everything.
Iâve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy weâve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?
In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I donât know, I couldnât stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.
Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization â I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?
Guys, Iâm in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.
Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time weâre tangled on the couch? Iâm spiraling here!
The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe Iâm just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.
Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!
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u/judgingloudly · 18h
Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how youâre feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesnât always have to stay pretend!
If he doesnât feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows â from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Donât let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, Iâm invested now!
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Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h
I agree with this take. You already acknowledged youâre in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the âwhat ifâ eat away at you forever!
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u/livefordrama · 16h
Iâm sorry but I simply must ask â how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend âŠ
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u/yourusername · 15h
Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this â a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!
As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!
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Reply to u/yourusername · 14h
Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.
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u/unpaidtherapist · 13h
Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? Youâre clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!
Just pull him aside one day, say âhey this isnât just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if thereâs a possibility for us or not.â If heâs as caught off guard and freaked out as youâre implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Donât die wondering âwhat if?â Thatâs my advice.
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u/everydayopportunist · 12h
This is so wild, Iâm living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently thatâs where all the romance happens these days đ
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u/devilsadvocate · 11h
Iâm sorry but I have to go against the grain here â please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.
My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy youâve found yourselves in. If itâs still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But donât go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!
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Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h
Iâm with this take, OP shouldnât jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. Itâs easy to get caught up in the fantasy.
The more prudent move is to wait until the âjobâ wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, sheâll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.
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r/AmITheAsshole
u/veganGOAT · 15h
AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?
I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web Iâve woven ...
A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy ⊠but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.
She was the perfect partner for this ruse â sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown âloud sexâ performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.
Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just ⊠happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like âwell this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?â And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was âjust for funâ and didnât mean anything more.
But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful â everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.
Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: âHey ⊠I think Iâm really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.â
I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, Iâm well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: âIâm sorry, but I canât do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I donât think of you that way.â
I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled âokayâ and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.
The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension Iâve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.
It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off â utterly walled off to protect herself.
After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life ⊠and now I didnât want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.
But hereâs where I really need some impartial perspective â AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?
I didnât meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didnât expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?
Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. Iâm literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because sheâs on the payroll?
I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.
Now, days later, those same hangups donât seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point â not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.
But I havenât confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. Sheâs still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I donât know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked â the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.
Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe Iâve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?
Ugh, Iâm rambling now. The crux is â AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the worldâs most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?
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u/juryofone · 14h
YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.
Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold â that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you couldâve reached an understanding.
The good news is, youâve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I donât think youâre an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.
My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If sheâs willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.
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Reply to u/juryofone · 13h
I agree with this take. Heâs not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.
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Reply to u/juryofone · 12h
Yeah, going straight for âI canât do that, I donât think of you that wayâ after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She mustâve felt like a fool!
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u/neutralpartier · 11h
NAH â I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and thatâs okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I donât think any lines were really crossed.
The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, itâs time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But donât keep paying her while catching feels â THAT would make you an AH.
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u/glasshalfempty · 10h
ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.
My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If youâre both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations donât align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!
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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h
This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.
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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h
Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.
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u/criticaloverthinker · 7h
Iâm calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? Itâs all too unbelievable.
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u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h
Iâll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? Whatâs next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.
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Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h
Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!
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u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h
Next thing you know, OP will be claiming heâs Michael Schumacher or something đ
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r/AmITheAsshole
u/veganGOAT · 8h
UPDATE â Iâm the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend ⊠and she took me back!
When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.
Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.
Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And Iâve got an update thatâs even crazier than the original tale ...
After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze â with no more deflections or excuses.
So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.
But above all, I made one thing clear â despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.
I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on â friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.
When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like âcowardâ and âassholeâ were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?
âI wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I couldâve understood where you were coming from.â
It was a dagger â she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didnât dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.
The limbo period was ⊠not fun.
After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And thatâs what had drawn her to me in the first place.
So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real â messy origins be damned.
That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, Iâve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.
And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But Iâve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, whatâs life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?
Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is ⊠this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.
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u/juryofone · 7h
Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you â this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.
But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!
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u/neutralpartier · 7h
Iâm officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. Itâs romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.
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u/glasshalffull · 6h
As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back ⊠my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. Thatâs the ideal balance.
Iâm so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or Iâll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!
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u/romanticempath · 5h
What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.
I laughed, cried (a little, donât judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!
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u/fairytaledreamer · 4h
Iâm sorry but I still canât get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? Youâre a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?
Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!
All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I canât wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!
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Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h
âCherish the chaosâ is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. Iâm deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!
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r/offmychest
u/NotBritneySpears · 21h
My ex-bestieâs wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare ⊠and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)
Youâll have to bear with me on this one, because Iâm still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.
A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friendâs new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.
Well, Iâm sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out ⊠until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events â receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!
Now, letâs be clear â I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was ⊠certainly a choice.
On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.
Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didnât invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.
Long story short, I RSVPâd yes ⊠half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.
The wedding itself was ⊠a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring coupleâs friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their âunlikely originâ in the âmost unexpected yet fortuitous wayâ ⊠while trying not to puke.
So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!
In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.
Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.
But wait, thereâs more! Wouldnât you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes ⊠I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.
Dolphin sounds didnât even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. Iâm talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.
I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.
So yeah ⊠not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive âscrew youâ that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.
I also need to find a new place to live because I canât bear returning to that cursed apartment building.
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u/chronicgossiper · 18h
Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.
Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding â one of the biggest days of his life â around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.
As for the ⊠ânoisesâ ⊠look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. Itâs not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. Youâre projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.
At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesnât actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. Theyâve clearly moved on to live their best life. Itâs on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.
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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h
I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking âhow can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?â Thatâs deranged thinking.
They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, thatâs giving them way too much credit.
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u/NotBritneySpears · 13h
Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasnât to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.
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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h
Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just ⊠living their lives be the âuniverseâs way of reminding youâ about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you canât get over the past.
Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is ⊠not healthy, my dude.
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u/nosyandproud · 10h
The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.
That said ⊠youâre borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.
At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for âsignsâ that theyâre still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.
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u/realitychecker · 7h
OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:
âAlright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, heâll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! Thatâll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!â
Come on, mate. Thatâs delusional cartoon villain level scheming youâre attributing to them. Occam's Razor â they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didnât account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesnât actually revolve around your history with this!
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Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h
Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. âYes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friendâs terrible pleasure!â
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u/buildingbridges
OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if Iâm reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesnât come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.
My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...
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r/ask
u/amateurdetective · 15h
I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect ⊠but I need your help cracking the code
I think Iâve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, Iâm going in anyway.
So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed ⊠oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.
Hear me out:
First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friendâs obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. Weâre talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling âpsychologically torturedâ by her oversharing.
Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same âobnoxiousâ girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture â she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-wonât-they romcom situation.
But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriendâs side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.
Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.
The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit ⊠but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.
Iâm utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:
Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal
The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it
Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriendâs loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing itâs all a ploy
After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real
Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where heâs subjected to one final night of unholy noises
Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, thatâs some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!
I need to know if Iâm onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, Iâll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter ⊠someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.
Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.
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u/scepeticbynature · 14h
Wow, youâve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. Iâm dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art ⊠or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.
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Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h
Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I donât know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.
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u/amateurdetective · 10h
Iâm sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:
A pair of feuding former childhood best friends
One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge
Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties
The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real coupleâs wedding and chaos that followed
Like thatâs such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different usersâ lenses! So youâre either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs ⊠or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes itâs the latter? Itâs too batshit crazy not to be true!
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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h
Or, and hear me out ⊠itâs all an internal dialogue youâre having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. Weâre all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!
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u/opinionatedtruther · 7h
Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? Thatâs not a coincidence.
I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each otherâs plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.
But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? Iâm sorry, but thereâs just no way. Thatâs beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but theyâre onto something for sure!
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u/amateurdetective · 6h
THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory ⊠while I canât 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.
Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.
Thatâs what has me believing thereâs a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again ⊠Iâve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way Iâm here for it!
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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h
All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead đ
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#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 x reader#f1 x you#lewis hamilton x reader#max verstappen x reader#lando norris x reader#charles leclerc x reader#pierre gasly x reader#esteban ocon x reader#nico rosberg x reader#f1 fluff#f1 blurb#f1 one shot#social media au#f1 social media au#lewis hamilton imagine#max verstappen imagine#lando norris imagine#charles leclerc imagine#pierre gasly imagine#esteban ocon imagine#brocedes#f1 fandom#f1 x y/n#f1blr
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Hii could I request hcs on what the L&DS men would do if they saw someone hurt mc? Thxxđ
combined these!!
Zayne doesn't want to get violent but the look in his eye says otherwise. He's not exactly unused to combat, but he does feel conflicted to an extent because of the whole being a doctor thing. Rather than fight he's going to remove you from the situation, fully ignoring the person who hurt you.
If they continue to try and egg you on, trying to see if you'll take the bait he'll confront the person directly. Just a flash of his Evol crawling up his arm matched with his harsh gaze is enough to scare anybody off, never mind some random guy off the street who felt entitled to your time. He doesn't want to escalate things but he's more than happy to if he thinks he needs to.
If someone was just rude to you he does still remove you from the situation, but he also has no problem putting them in their place. His insults don't really sound like insults but they're definitely words that really stick with that person, making them think twice before opening their mouth ever again.
Xavier is dangerously close to using his sword, the weapon at his side. You have to take his arm in yours, making sure he doesn't accidentally murder someone because of whatever it was they did to you.
They'll immediately back off, Xavier staring them down to make sure they stay away from you. He doesn't want them to think that they can get away with doing something like that though so rather than using his weapon he'll grab them by their arm, asking them what they thought they were doing. They're practically shitting themselves as they beg for an apology but he tells them that if they ever come near you again it'll be the last time they breathe.
If they were just rude he's also. Still dangerously close to pulling out his sword. He doesn't really have much to say other than some threat that if they say something like that to you again he won't be kind enough to give them the ability to run. As far as he's concerned he's already warned them - they should have learned their lesson.
POV you listened to Rafayel's tender moment
Rafayel does not care if he has to hurt someone to make sure you're safe. He's got great control over his Evol and he likes making people squirm as he makes flames crawl up their arm. Your assailant is, understandably, panicked from the attack, thinking they're going to catch fire.
They think it might have been better to have died in the fire considering how downright murderous Rafayel looks, telling them to fuck off before he removes their ability to choose how from them. Needless to say if he ever sees them ever again he will make it known that he remembers what they did. It doesn't matter whether they hurt you or were just rude to you - he's going to take them out for the sin of not worshipping the ground you walk on.
Sylus didn't think someone would be ballsy enough to attack you, knowing that you're his when you're in the N109 zone. You didn't like throwing his name around all the time because it made you feel like you were bragging, which is how you ended up in the current predicament.
He'll grab them first, telling them that he didn't realise people that stupid managed to stay alive for so long before giving them a taste of his right hook. He casually flicks his wrist as they writhe in pain, telling them to expect another visit later that day for daring to touch what's his.
If they were just rude to you he's going to insult them something awful. He's condescending, barely looking at them as he berates them for their idiocy. If they try to walk away, thinking they don't want to deal with him he'd be more than happy to grab them and pull them back to continue his lecture, wanting to get it through their thick skull that this absolutely will not fly with him. They're going to go home and cry for days - Sylus has a very sharp tongue.
#love and deepspace x reader#l&ds x reader#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#l&ds zayne x reader#l&ds xavier x reader#l&ds rafayel x reader#l&ds sylus x reader#lads zayne x reader#lads rafayel x reader#lads sylus x reader#lads xavier x reader#lnds zayne x reader#lnds xavier x reader#lnds rafayel x reader#lnds sylus x reader
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May i request a Logan x angel!reader fic where the reader had to get medical treatment after a mission because her angel wings (that are apart of her mutation) were burned and partially damaged after battle, and Logan comes in to check up on her?
anon I loved this ask ahhhh thank you. I'm like half considering making this a series if people want it (so send more angel requests if you're into it!) <3 I may have made it more angsty but there is fluff at the end :) also reader goes by Angel in this fic.
When Flight Comes to Fire (or, Logan Gains a Guardian Angel)
Word count: 4.5k
Genre: Best friends to lovers, mutual pining, X-Men stuff, idiots in love, angst, hurt no comfort, fluff, kissing
LGGA Masterlist
The first time your mutation made itâs appearanceâ sharp shoulder blades growing into thick appendages, soft, buttery white feathers extending from them in that unhuman way, your wingspan making it clear you would never be normalâ your mother retched and said she would have done anything to chop them off of you. Wouldâve done anything to have a normal kid.
In fact, she tried, multiple times, to do so. You were only twelve when she came at you for the first time, in your sleep, feeling falsely secure in your fatherâs platitudes about how she would never really do anything. You woke up to her reaching inside your blanket, grasping one of your wings as she brandished a knife in her other hand. Luckily, your wings were strong enough to shove her off, but you remember how you screamed at her.
Why, mom? Itâs me! Itâs meâ
She didnât listen, coming at you again, promising in delirious anger that everything would be okay soon if you would just let her fix it, and she had to be held back by your father, as he called the police.Â
Because you were her kid, she got let off with a warning, and you were stuck. So you would often fly to the tallest treetops and take your rest there, trying your best to ignore your motherâs other attempts on your life. She didnât seem to ever get it. You would never be normal.
The final attempt was probably the worst, and the one that caused you to fly away in the end to Charles Xavierâs School for Gifted Youngsters.
You were twenty years old, just old enough to legally leave homeâ you only stayed because your father insisted.Â
She set your favourite tree on fire. You had no idea your mom had been in enough anguish to essentially murder you for daring to be different.
You awoke to the deep smell of smoke, of tree bark charring, and then you heard the cracking and sparks. The tree quickly caught fire, and you shrieked in pure terror as the heat of the flames approached you. The immense light emitting from the fire blinded you, and suddenly there was a sharp pain from your wings and backâ you were getting scorched.
So you flew upwards, high enough that the fire dissipated off your back instantly in the cool night skyâs air, and you were fine. Nothing to show other than a little scar, and the sounds of mutiny coming from your mother below.Â
You chose to forget herâ no point in repairing a relationship with a woman who didnât want you as you were.
But youâve never forgotten the pain of being burned alive.
/
âAngel. You ready?â Logan is to your right in the foyer of the mansion. âEveryone else is waiting in the helicarrier.â
Heâs your best friend, has been ever since you came to the X-Mansion as a runaway. Itâs not an uncommon story among mutants, but Logan always felt you were like him. Rough, not the easiest to speak to, having a tendency to keep to yourself.
The major difference to him is that youâre a lot easier on the eyes.Â
Seriously, it was almost like the universe was playing a joke on him. Here was a beautiful girl with literal angel wings, just missing a halo as she arrived at the door for the School for the first time, and he just happened to be the first ugly motherfucker to open the door.
Loganâs never quite sure why you keep up with him, why you stay friends with him, if he was just lucky enough to be the first person you saw and liked. It drives him nuts, the way in which you rely on him, trust him more than he thinks he deserves, you come to him at every moment just to talk over everyone else, when surely you could have anyone elseâs attention.
Especially any stupid guy, like him. Heâs not sure how you havenât noticedâ even now on the staircase, he canât tear his gaze away from you. Logan feels bad to be so in love with you, tooâ he wonders if heâs reading into things too much, if heâs pushing for something that isnât really there.
And heâll never know, because youâre so damn flighty. Logan can barely keep up with your whims, and he only knows as much as youâll tell him about yourself (he hardly knows where you came from that fateful first day), so he just lets you come and go as you please. Heâll keep his feelings deep inside, where you canât possibly find out about it.
âYup, Iâm fine.â You have a brief smile for him, which gives him that familiar twist of the stomach. âOh. Youâre not wearing your uniform?â
âItâs better to be incognito for this one, according to Scott.â Logan says, adjusting his flannel, mildly enjoying how you check him out.Â
Youâre wearing the typical X-Men uniformâ bright yellow, blue stripes down your sides, room for wings with a removable panel in the back. You let them loose, now, telling Logan youâll be right back.
When you return, with quite a flourish, flapping wings in a true superhero-landingâ Logan sees that youâre wearing a tank-top, and some jeans that really, really highlight your assâ but he tries not to focus on that.
âHey. Tankâs inside out, Angel.â Logan says, waiting for you to fly off again, but you simply take off the tank top, and pull it back on the right way, exposing your bra-covered chest and lithe waist for the briefest of moments, while Logan loses whatever he was about to say. âIâŠâ
âDonât be a perv, Logan.â You jokingly side-eye him, never suspecting that that could actually be true as you tease him. âYouâve seen me change tons of times.â
âYeah, but out in the open?â Logan stares at you. âYouâre gonna have a shit-ton of admirers if you keep that up.â
âItâs just me, please.â You start up this whole Iâm-not-pretty schtick that Logan is pretty sick of hearing, and he shakes his head. âLetâs go. Theyâre waiting.â
Yeah, Logan thinks, they are waiting, but heâs not sure you needed to be all quick and nonchalant about changing, just to get there faster.
Thatâs what he means by you being flightyâ who knows whatâs really in your heart, when you act so quickly?
/
âListen up, X-Men. Weâre gonna do our best to avoid damages today, right?â Scott speaks with the air of a leader whoâs very fed up with his team members.Â
Thereâs a resounding yes from everyone, including you, Logan, Jean, Storm, Bobby, Rogue, Jubilee, and Kitty.
âWhatâs our mission?â Scott says, and you answer first.
âFind the new mutant.â You state, and Scott nods, while Logan hides a smile at how adept youâve gotten at these missions.
âMake sure he doesnât defect to the Brotherhood.â Jean adds, looking at you and Logan, seeing how close you two sit to each other. Sheâs kept it to herselfâ but Jean thinks if you and Logan really do have something going on, that would be nice. For the both of you.
âNo damages.â Logan chimes in, and Scott visibly loses a little composure.
âI already said that.â Scott points out, and Logan shrugs.Â
âWell, itâs part of the plan, isnât it?â Logan leans back in his seat on the helicarrier, nestling his head next to your shoulder, not noticing the way your eyebrows raise at the sudden contact. âBetter than me not listening at all.â
âSure, Logan. Fine.â Scott lets it go, knowing better than to ask more from the most âchillâ (read: laziest) member of the team.
You laugh a little as Logan smiles a cocky grin.
/
The new mutant is kind of oldâ youâre looking for a 19 year old with severe singing around his clothes, pale skin, and black hair. You suppose heâd be extremely frightened.
Most mutants donât deal well with becoming different all so suddenly, let alone at the very late age of 19, when you could assume that youâre pretty much normal. So you and Jean are hoping to find him firstâ you figure youâre the two that could calm him down.
Unfortunately, you find Jubilee talking to him first. Sheâs okay, but she has a tendency to be a little too bombastic, as Jean says quite often.
âAnd there she goes.â Jean grimaces as Jubilee taps the new mutantâs shoulder, and you pick up her saying that âsheâs just like him,â which youâre not sure is a delicate way to deal with the topic.
There are crowds of people walking through the streets, too, and a lot of them are glancing at this yellow-jacketed girl talking to a boy with burnt clothes.
If you had found him, you would have brought him to the side, away from people, andâ
âHis face turned white. Heâs freaking out.â You tell Jean, and her eyes narrow.
Bobby, Rogue, and Kitty are nowhere in sight, so this is just one weird young adult speaking to another one, and you really, really wish the rest were here. You, Jean, Logan and Scott are a bit olderâ perhaps comforting in your ageâ but you feel like the boy wouldâve done well with more peers.
Jubilee raises her hand as you and Jean approach her. âGuys, I got it under control. See, Kyle, these are more people like us. More mutants.â
â...â Kyle looks on in disbelief.
âKyle?â You try, and he looks at youâ thereâs something in his eyes that tells you he wants to trust you, but heâs scaredâ it reminds you of yourself. âWeâre here for you if you want us to be. Take your time. Donât worry.â
You smile, Jean smiles, Jubilee grins, and Kyle seems okay.
It lasts for about two seconds.
Someone drops what sounds like a glass bottle in the distance, and the shattering sound is enough for Jubilee to gasp, a little spark of fireworks launching from her fingertips, towards Kyle, who watches on in trepidation, and his body starts shaking, moving of itâs own accord, clearly reacting to being so close to another form of heatâ and you and Jean move, as you yell out âWait!ââ
Kyle shrieks in fear as his body becomes overtaken with flames, combusting with such intensity that the flames roar at least 100 feet over, and Jeanâ Phoenix that she isâ is able to withstand the heat, but you find yourself being pushed back by hot gusts of wind.
It hurts, it feels as if your skin is melting with every passing second. You grit your teeth, trying to breathe as Kyle loses control of his body, and you open your wings, deciding that flying off into the cool air would be a better alternative.
That was a mistake on your part.
The moment you open your wings, Kyleâs fire pushes you backwards, and up, into the hot air, and your wings catch fire as you come too closeâ
You scream, but itâs unheard through the roar of the flames, and you barely have time to catch yourself as you fall towards the ground, smoking, fiery tendrils engulfing you.
The last thing you remember is your motherâs face.
/
Logan sees it happen from a distance.
Scott wanted him to be as close as possible, something about keeping watch on himâ and Logan gets it, heâs not always the most responsible, but later on, in hindsight, he wishes he was, because then he wouldnât have missed what happened to youâ and they both turn as a fire overtakes a block of the city.
âShit, that must be him!â Scott starts running, Logan not far behind.
Itâs only when he sees a pair of white wings, a woman flying up, up, up, the fire approaching dangerously close to herâ to youâ he starts speeding up, overtaking Scott, pushing people out of the way.
Logan wonders what he could do, anyways. Heâs invincible, practically, incapable of taking on much damage as his regenerative abilities heal himâ perhaps he could run to the kid and knock him out, sustaining burns in the process, but better him than you.
Never you.
Any second nowâ Logan sees the boy, and heâs got an open fist ready to lightly tap the back of his neck.
Heâs not fast enough. Scott yells out, and Logan looks up to see you engulfed in flames, as you scream, and itâs awful to hearâ usually you seemed so speedy, so ready to fly at a momentâs notice, that Logan forgot you could be hurt.
He calls out your name. Itâs unheard by you as you crash on the ground, still burningâ Bobby, Kitty, and Rogue have caught up to you from the other side of the street, and Bobby quickly makes an icy mist that subdues the flames on you, and Kyleâs roaring fire back into him. Â
Youâre unconscious as the X-Men approach you.Â
Logan touches your face as he kneels next to you, the only one willing to come close right now. âHey, AngelâŠâ
Thereâs that unspoken fondness between you two, yet again. Everyone knows, even when Logan has tried to act cool about it. Even now, when Logan attempts to act like he isnât totally hanging on to your potential words, searching for a breath, a little movement of your head.Â
Jean, Scott, Jubilee, and the rest look on in trepidation.
You donât respond, and he feels his heart plummet. Youâre covered in burns, mostly across your stomach and back, and he inhales sharply as he turns you overâ thereâs fresh, scalded skin, crispy-red to the touch.
Your back, your wingsâ theyâre damaged so badly, with feathers singed straight off, the muscular appendages more visible and wounded, and Logan doesnât know if youâre alive. He almost removes his hands from you, the very thought seeming to scald him from the inside, and he glares at the kidâ the one who looks terribly guilty, now, as he runs away.
âGet back here!â Kitty shouts at him, anger in her eyes, and Scott pulls her aside, explaining that it was clearly an accident of sortsâ something that Jean confirms for him with a nod of her head.
Right, Jean. Logan knows that if anyone could confirm if youâre alive, it would be her. Â
As Scott, Kitty, Bobby, and Jubilee go hunting for the kidâ Rogue stays behind because sheâs always felt close to you and Loganâ Logan looks up at Jean in a solemn, teary-eyed look that has her understanding immediately.
âCâmon, Angel⊠stay with us.â She mutters, as she presses her fingers to your head, and she smiles comfortingly at Logan.
âSheâs still here. Just barely, but still here.â Jean says, and Logan sighs, an angry, long sigh that tells Jean and Rogue that heâs going to be insufferably feeling at-fault here, even though no one is.
âLetâs go.â He picks you up, feeling the burnt skin through that damn tank-top, now barely being held together as tattersâ for modestyâs sake, he takes off his flannel and wraps it around you.
Rogue lets Logan and you walk forward a bit, not wanting him to hear what sheâs about to say, and then looks towards Jean. âHe really loves her, doesnât he?â
âYeah.â Jean exhales. âLetâs hope for his sake that sheâll be okay.â
/
Stupid bitch! Youâve been nothing but a curse on this familyâ fuck you, I hope your future daughter is just as fucked up as you areâ
You awake suddenly, with a loud gasp and yell, your motherâs last words to you flashing on your mindâ you attempt to pull yourself forward restrained back by tubing in your arm. Youâre stuck in a bed. In a hospital bed of sorts.
Not just any hospital bed, one in the hospital wing of the X-Mansion.
Youâre calm, at first, until thereâs a sudden ache echoing from your back, through your body, through your wings.
âAhâ!â You groan in pain. Trying to move suddenly has hurt you.
Thereâs a knock at your door. Itâs Beastâ or, Dr. Hank McCoy, as heâs better known around the hospital wing.
âYouâre awake.â Hank says in relief. âItâs been a few days since your accident.â
âIt has?â You widen your eyes in shock. âHow, w-what⊠am I okay?â
The last thing you remember is Kyle exploding in flames, causing you to catch fireâ then you blacked out, andâ youâre having terrible memories of your mother.
âHank?â You mutter, and heâs quick to come to your side, blue paw-hand holding your own.
âMy mother didnâtâŠâ
âNo, sheâs not here. Sheâs never come close to you. Youâre safe.â Hank states, as Charles has told him to, remembering the few times youâve had to come to the hospital wing for comfort before.Â
So many mutants have troubled backstories, and he doesnât quite understand why you donât try to connect with others about it. Hank feels it could really help, but youâve always changed the subject away from you.
Youâre hurt, mentally, in a way that no one can really fix, and Hank is a big believer in letting people progress when they need toâ but heâs so glad that youâve bonded with Logan.Â
âAm I going to be okay?â You tap the side of the bed, fears present in your eyes. âLast thing I remember is Kyle going crazy, and Iâ I got all burntââ
âYes, youâre going to be okay. Weâve administered lots of injections, topical ointments, everything that boosts your healing. You might have some scarring after this is all over, but no injuries. Youâre very lucky, Angel.â Hank comforts you, and encourages you to lie back. Â
âLucky. Is that what youâd call a girl with a fucked up state of mind?â You murmur, and Hank shakes his head.
âWeâre all fucked up.â Hank gets back up, leaving you in your room. âItâs a prerogative to being in the X-Men.â
You smile softly at that. Heâs not wrong, but you wish, you really wish you couldâve just been that normal girl that your parents wouldâve loved.
You look down at yourself. Youâre wearing hospital scrubs, but thereâs an unfamiliar fabric underneath the blanket.
Loganâs flannel is splayed across your stomach, a comforting, soft feeling that has you missing him almost instantly. Had he visited you, when you were unconscious, and decided to leave you this as a token, to help you feel at home?Â
You lift it up, taking a deep smell of Loganâs signature scentâ pinewood, smoke, and something kind of sweet, like⊠marshmallows?Â
It makes you blush, but almost immediately after, you place the flannel back under the blanket. Logan doesnât need your silly crush, your overt attachment, and youâre smart enough to keep that to yourself.
/
Logan hears from Hank that youâre awake, and although he wonders why Hank told him first, rather than Charles, or Jean, heâs glad to be the first one to see you.
âHey.â He knocks on your door. To Loganâs surprise, he lets go of a breath he was holdingâ you donât look horrific, you have some colour in your face, and thereâs a soft smile on your lips when you see him.
You look just like Angel. His best friend. And he comes in real close, ruffling your hair as he often does, maybe more gentle because he doesnât want to add any more pain.
âHey, Logan.â You grab his hand, squeezing it with warmth, grateful to see him, before letting go suddenly and looking away bashfully, and he pauses, reminding himself not to think too highly of it.
âAngel. Youâre feeling better?â He asks, and you motion for him to sit down on the edge of your bed.
âYeah. Yeah, I feel okay.â You stare at him. Itâs only been a few days, but Logan looks kind of awfulâ heâs got some serious dark under-eye bags going on, and stubble that is slowly turning into a beard, and thereâs an apparent worry on his face that makes you just want to comfort him. âAre you okay?â
âYeah.â Logan tries to ward off your answer with a stern, one word reply, but youâre not having it.
âReally? You donât look so great.â You say, not without tact. âI hope you werenât all cooped up in your room, worrying about me.â
Logan makes a sound thatâs half way between a sigh, and a laugh at how close you always seem to get to the truth.
âAlright, yeah. Yeah, I was worried to hell about you. Is that what you wanted to hear?â He jokes, but your face falls.
âYou donât have to do that. Iâm good now, I donâtâŠâ Thereâs an air of seriousness coming from you, that Logan doesnât typically see, something you usually donât let yourself do.Â
âAre you good? Let me see your back, Angelââ Before Logan can even move you to the side, you turn in defiance, letting him see that you are healing. There are still parts of your flesh, red and angry, but for the most part it seems okay, already far better than it was a couple days ago.
Logan breathes a sigh of relief, touching your wings with a tenderness that has you leaning into his touch, and he gently skims over a scar of yours, glad to see that youâre genuinely not as hurt as he thoughtâ but you pull away quite quickly.
âSee? You donât need to care so much, Iâm fine.â You sound accidentally very accusatory, but Logan is just as much of a stubborn asshole as you are sometimes, and he narrows his eyes.
âWhat the fuck does that mean?â He stares at you. âWeâre friends, arenât we? Friends care about each other. Jesus, youâre the one who alwaysâ youâre always checking up on me, sneaking into my room, touching my face and arms andâ how else am I supposed to take that?â
It sounds romantic, Logan realizes, after heâs spit all that outâ and it does sound like heâs putting the blame of your dynamic on you. And, even worse, itâs all just out there in the open.
âReally. Iâm not the only one who cares, Logan, youâŠâ You shake your head, and instead pull his flannel out from under the blanket. âYou left this for me. Why do you make it sound like itâs all just me?â
âOkay, fine, it isnât. Leave it alone, Angel.â Logan pleads a little, his face turning red.
âYouâre always acting like Iâm gorgeous, you constantly hug me and lean into me, there was that time you let me sleep on top of youââ You continue, feeling more and more confused. âIâm sorry. I donât mean to make you sound like an asshole.â
Logan blinks, feeling the argument dissipate, as it often does, whenever you get close to confronting each other about feelingsâ you always manage to fly away.
He wonât let you, not this time.
âYou didnât. I am an assholeâ Iâve never bothered to tell you how I feel.â Logan mutters, and the way your face blanches in fear, shyness, tells him to keep going, to push the boundaries. âI let my own stupid ego get in the way of actually caring about you, and Iâm not going to make that mistake again. Iâve alwaysâ I really love you, Angel. And Iâm sorry I never made you feel like that was true, Iâm sorry that itâs taken until you got hurt for it to be real.â
You have an incredulous look on your face, one Logan wishes he could take a picture of and frame somewhere, because itâs genuinely funny, but then your lip quivers, and he feels like an asshole again.
You feel like an idiot. You think, all this time, whatâs bothered you is that youâve been avoiding the fireâ the real ones, sure, but more the things your mother fostered in you. Your trust issues, the way how you hold people dearly in your heart but you canât let them get close because you worry youâll never be enough, itâs all been burning for years inside you, and youâve never had to confront it until Logan decided to stoke the flames.
âItâs always been real for me, too.â You whisper, trying not to cry. âI just⊠I donât always believe if people care about me, I never feel good enough to be something for anyone. Itâs not you, Logan, itâs my mom, my upbringing, really.â
You give him a short, brief explanation of what your mom didâ something youâll surely expand on later, when itâs not so fresh, when you havenât been literally burned recently, and the memories pain you more than everâ and Loganâs face turns sharp, his brows furrow, heâs clearly deeply angry by whatever youâve just told him.Â
âIâm stupid. I just assumedâ it was me putting too much pressure on you. You shouldnât have been on this mission, thatâs fucking awful.â He finally says, and then scowls. âI know you donât want to hear it right now, but fuck that lady.â
You snort at that. âYeah. Yeah, it was never youâ Iâve always loved you too, Logan, more than you know. Iâm sorry Iâm always running from you.â
âOh, so youâre consciously doing that?â He teases, trying not to react too much to your proclamation of love for him, although his brain feels as if itâs short-circuited. He squeezes your hand, and you laugh.
âYup. Iâm almost glad I got hurt, if it makes us more serious.â You comment, but Logan turns glum at that.
âDonât say that, Angel. I still feel bad about it.â Logan holds your face, caressing your cheeks, staring into your eyes, glad now that youâre not going to shove him away. âNext time, Iâll try to take the hits. Iâll live.â
âYou donât have toââ Before you can start rejecting Loganâs offer, he leans in really close, almost kissing you but not quite, his breath hot on your own mouth.
âI want you to live.â He murmurs, and you feel yourself turn warm at that.Â
When he presses his lips to yours, itâs almost chaste, because Logan still isnât sure how many of your walls he can break down in one dayâ but for once youâre quick to act in the opposite direction now, lifting tubes out of your arm (irresponsible as hell, Logan would say later on) so you can better reach his face, and you run your fingers through his hair as you kiss him, again, and again.Â
Itâs soft, pliant, and warm, and Logan doesnât quite know what to say when you come back up for air, breathing deeply, body sweaty from both recovery and how intense this isâ he feels around you, around your waist as he leans in again, and you giggle, pulling away for just a moment before kissing him again.
His hands are gentle, skimming over your body without trying to hurt the burns on your backâ but Logan feels you clamber onto him, onto his lap, and then he feels the soft feathers of your wings as they pull themselves outward, into the open.
He opens his eyes, and grins in a wolfish manner. Maybe youâve been changed by what happened, maybe you arenât the same, but youâre his Angel now, and he prefers that.
He kisses you again.
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett angst#logan howlett fluff#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine imagine#wolverine angst#wolverine fluff#requests#writing requests#fluff#angst#friends to lovers#mutual pining#logan howlett#wolverine#fanfiction#x reader#reader insert#x-men x reader#hugh jackman#james howlett x reader#james howlett x you#james logan howlett#logan x reader#logan x you#logan wolverine#LGGA
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does anyone know where the love of god goes? | joel miller
pairing/AU: joel miller x female!reader â post breakout & no ellie AU
summary: crossing the country alone as he searches for his brother, joel stumbles on a farm. winter is closing in, and against his better judgement he's convinced to stay. as the frost covers the land like a blanket, a warmth ignites in his heart for the young woman who's home he finds himself in.
warnings: this is an 18+ fic so minors dni!!! canon-typical violence, age gap (reader is mid to late twenties), swearing, dead animals, joel being a sad man, masturbation, no use of y/n
a/n: i soft launched this ao3 last month and it flopped lol so i'm gonna keep my expectations low for this series. anyways this has been a story i've been thinking about since probably october. this is the first part of what i'm hoping will be 3 parts. happy reading i guess
main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3 / playlist
from the river to the sea, palestine will be free đ”đž this account stands with palestine. the creator of tlou is a zionist, and the second game is largly based on israel/palestine. please, everyone who interacts, educate yourself about the genocide happening right now, and support/donate.
The leaves rustled against Joelâs boots with every step he took. The sun had turned traitor cold, and he couldnât feel its kiss against his cheek no more. The trees shivered above him in the wind â the only sound for miles except his heavy steps.
Did he still exist, with no one around? Joel had never minded being alone; after the breakout heâd found that he sometimes preferred it. People could be⊠well, when youâve seen the worst of humanity, maybe itâs best to leave it behind.
And wasnât he the worst of humanity? The things heâd done. The people heâd killed, and killed for. The people heâd lost.
But he had to keep going. For Tess. He promised.
Every night as he stared into the flames his thoughts would drift to her â the memories flickering in the fire. They shouldâve never gone through that museum â it was supposed to have been empty â they shouldâve never left Boston in the first place. Now Tess is gone because of him, him and his stupid plan to find his brother.
And for what? How is he ever gonna find Tommy?
Joel didnât even know where he was. Nebraska? South-Dakota? Maybe heâd made it to Wyoming and just didnât know it? Abe had told him âCody Towerâ, but Joel hadnât seen anything other than mother nature for weeks.
Everything had started to look the same. Trees and more trees, a mountain in the distance, a grey and heavy sky above him. Heâd been walking for forever. Slowly he moved westâ or at least he thought he was. On the days where the sun hung high in the sky and wasnât shielded behind a cloudy partition, he liked to watch it as it dipped below the earth. As the days turned shorter and shorter, the display of color had started to get more vivid. Joel would watch the light blue turn red and bloody, fiery tongues of flames licking over the horizon while the sharp edges of the mountains, and the triangular shapes of the trees faded into an intense blackâ like the shape of the mountain and the trees had been cut out with scissors. There wasnât much to stay alive for anymoreâ but Joel lived for those few moments where nature painted with fire. Humanity mightâve gone to shit, but the cyclical regularity of mother nature gave Joel a small sense of peace.
But he missed the kiss of the sun against his cheek now. Heâd moved into a large forest a few days ago. Tall trees hovered over him like giants and cast shadows down at him. It was colder here than out in the open country, but at least heâd been somewhat shaded from the rain pouring from the grey cover above his head the last few days.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
The sound stopped Joel in his tracks. Muscle memory worked on its own, gripping the shotgun slung over his shoulder. He listened for the sound again, to the steady rhythm echoing through the forest.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
With slow calculated steps Joel walked in the direction of the sound with the shotgun held tightly to his chest, his finger hovered over the trigger. The chopping sound got louder as he closed in on a man. He couldnât tell his age with the manâs back turned â but he was strong â Joel could tell from how hard the manâs axe hit the tree trunk.
Taking another silent step, Joel got in position, âHow âbout you slowly turn around and place that axe on the ground.â
Joelâs voice was hoarse after no use, but still cold and calculated as he spoke his order. He could see heâd startled the man, probably thinking he was alone, just like Joel had thought mere minutes ago.
The man obeyed, turning around slowly. He was older than Joel, maybe mid-seventies, maybe older if the wrinkles and creases around his eyes and nose were to be believed. His hair was white as snow matching his unkempt beard. Joel caught his eye. Strong and steady, no trace of fear one would think a man would feel while having a gun pointed at them.
Joelâs grip around the gun tightened. He wasnât afraid to pull the trigger if thatâs where this was headed. The man watched him calmly before he bent his knees, throwing the axe haphazardly on the ground.
âKick it over here,â Joel commanded again, and the man obeyed, kicking the axe clumsily towards Joel.
Slowly Joel crept closer, gun still pointed at the man. He locked the heel of his shoe against the shaft, dragging the axe behind him and out of the way.
âHands where I can see âem.â
âAre you going to kill me, son?â
The manâs question puzzled Joel. He said it so calmly, like how youâd ask someone to pass the salt.
âThat depends on you.â Joelâs answer pulled at the old manâs lips, a small huff of a laugh escaping them.
âWell, youâre the one with the gun. I think it depends on you.â
Joel tightened his grip on the shotgun again â he didnât know why âto frighten the man? He didnât seem very frightened.
âAre you alone?â Joel asked.
âNot anymore,â the man answered.
âDonât be a smartass,â Joel gritted through his teeth, âwho you travelinâ with?â
âNo one,â the manâs eyes never left Joel, âI live at a farm about a mile away.â
âTake me to it.â
The man walked with a limp Joel noticed. It was barely there, you wouldnât see it if you didnât pay attention, but it was there. The man acted tough enough, but his body revealed his weaknesses. It would be easy to kill him, Joel thought, if it came to that.
He followed the man through the trees with his gun pointed at his back. When they reached the end of the forest a clearing revealed itself. They followed a path through a field of, tall but wilted, brown grass until they reached an overgrown gravel road with a fence running along it. Looking out in the distance, Joel could see small spots of white and black wool. The gravel moaned under their feet as they closed in on a small farm. A two-story house sat in the middle of the barnyard where it was surrounded by a barn whoâd seen better days, a silo, and a smaller farmhouse â a stable â Joel noticed as they walked closer.
The man trudged up the front stairs of the main farmhouse, a hand on the handrail keeping him steady.
âPut that gun away would you, son? I donât want you frightening my wife.â The man broke the silence between them, speaking for the first time since they left the woods.
Joelâs grip on his shotgun didnât loosen. How could he be sure that this manâs âwifeâ wasnât some gang of raiders hiding behind the front door? A question he asked the man through gritted teeth when he turned around to look at Joel.
âThereâs nothing of the sort around here,â the man said, âwe donât even see any infected.â
When Joel didnât say anything, and didnât lower the gun, the man spoke again, âWho are you?â
âJust someone passinâ through,â Joel answered, making the man chuckle.
âYouâre something else, passer-througher,â the old man smiled before he turned around again and stepped inside, leaving Joel on the porch alone.
Abandoned outside he lowered his gun slightly. Inside he could hear muffled voices, a deeper one, definitely the old man, and a brighter one, a womanâs voice. He listened, trying to make out their words with no prevail. The man seemed to have spoken the truth up until now. He most definitely lived on this farm â a seemingly normal farm. This man was just someone making an honest living â even after the apocalypse.
Lowering the gun completely, Joel put the safety on before he slung it over his shoulder. Taking a hollowed step towards the front door, movement in the window to the right of him caught his eye. It was there and then it was gone â just a ruffle of blonde curtains. Then, the door opened revealing an elderly woman.
The manâs wife.
âWelcome, traveler,â she greeted, stepping aside to let Joel in.
He passed through the doorway with a âThank you, maâam,â never forgetting his manners even after pointing a gun at her husband.
Inside it looked like a picture taken straight out of a Homes & Gardens magazine. The house was cozy, but it was small. Heâd been welcomed into what probably used to be a parlor, but now served its purpose as their living room. It was hard to get a read on the house. Not like those open-floor plan houses heâd built too many of back before the outbreak â this was old, maybe hundreds of years old. The floorboard creaked under his shoes as he walked deeper into the living room, the rest of the house locked away like a secret behind three closed doors. The man was seated in a lounge chair by the fireplace, watching Joel with an expression Joel found it hard to decipher.
âWould you like some tea?â the woman asked, âItâs peppermint from our garden.â
Joel turned his head to the woman. She must be around the same age as the old man, Joel thought. He cleared his throat before he answered with a nod, âThank you, maâam.â
She pointed to the sofa, urging him to sit down with a smile before she disappeared through one of the doors to what Joel thought must be the kitchen. He felt the old man watching him as he slid his backpack off his shoulders, placing it on the creaky wooden floor behind the sofa. Joel hesitated for just a second when placing the shotgun up against the back, but decided he wasnât in any imminent danger.
Joel almost groaned as he sat down. Heâd been walking for so long, slept on the hard ground for months, heâd almost forgotten what a comfortable chair was. It almost felt surreal, being invited in for tea, like the outbreak had never happened. Here, it was like the time had stood still.
âSo,â the man started, âwhere are you heading to if youâre just âpassinâ throughâ?â
Joel cleared his throat again, âIâm lookinâ for my brother,â he answered truthfully, âlast I heard he was somewhere in Wyoming.â
âIf youâre going to Wyoming, then what youâre doing all the way up here?â The man queried with a chuckle.
Annoyed, Joel grinded his teeth, âNot many signs in the fuckinâ woods are there?â He huffed.
âI guess not,â the man shrugged, âbut youâve made a heck of a detour⊠where did you come from? Texas? You sound it.â
âBoston.â
âBoston?â the man didnât hide his surprise, breathing out chuckles in disbelief, âIâll give it to you, thatâs one long trip.â
Joel only huffed in agreement, turning his head from the man to the window overlooking the barnyard.
âWell,â the man broke the growing silence between the two men, âyouâre more than welcome to stay for dinner and for the nightâ you look like you could need a hot meal and a warm bed.â
Joelâs instinct was to say no, but before he could the front door opened, revealing a young woman. You.
You stopped dead in your tracks as you laid your eyes on Joel, âOh!â.
The door slammed behind you. Under your arm you were carrying a metal bucket filled with apples. You were beautiful, young, but still beautiful â Joel couldnât deny it.
âThis isâŠâ The man paused.
âJoel.â He cleared his throat, introducing himself, âJoel Miller.â
âMr. Miller is just passing throughâ heâs looking for his brother,â the old man explained to you.
You nodded at the information, sat the bucket down before you reached out a hand for Joel to take, introducing yourself. Your hand in his was warm and soft while his own dwarfed yours, rough and calloused. He couldnât help but think about what his hands had done, the people theyâd killed. He shouldnât be tainting yours, painting them red. Joel quickly drew his hand back, balling it into a fist at his side.
Joel looked over at the old man, âYour daughter?â he asked with a tilt of his head in your direction.
âOh, no,â the man answered with a playful smile, âYouâre not the first person âpassinâ throughâ whoâs shown up on our doorstep.â
The door to the kitchen opened to reveal the old woman with a teapot in her hand, and a stacked tower of teacups in the other.
âLet me help you Alma,â you said, taking the teacups from the old womanâs hand before placing them on the table; one in front of Joel, a second in front of the old man, âHere you go Arthur,â and a third next to Joel.
âDid you also want some tea, sweetie?â Alma asked you as she placed the steaming teapot on the table.
âYes, please, but I can grab a cup myselfâ sit down,â you smiled and padded the old womanâs shoulder, then you grabbed the bucket of apples and disappeared into the kitchen.
Alma started pouring the tea as a silence fell over the room. A small, âThank you, maâam,â left Joelâs lips as she moved on to pouring tea for her husband.
âSo,â the man started before taking a sip of his tea, âwhat do you say Mr. Miller? You staying for the night?â
That night as he laid in a real bed for the first time in months, Joel had trouble falling asleep. He wasnât used to this. Hadnât been used to it for a while. His belly full, soft fabric against his skin, feeling warm, and clean. The old couple had offered him one of the two bedrooms on the first floor, the two mystery doors in the living room now revealed. Laying in his new bed he tried not to think about who he was sharing a wall with.
You.
You were something else, helpful and kind. Everything Joel hadnât seen since the outbreak. At the dinner table youâd asked him questions and listened intently â even when his answers were short and brisk. There was a glimmer in your eye, and it touched something inside him he hadnât felt in a long time. But you were young, mid to late twenties he reckoned, maybe a little olderâ anyways, he shouldnât be harboring anything for you, it wouldnât be right. Especially now, now that heâd agreed to stay.
After the dinner plates had been cleared, Arthur had folded a big map out on the table. âHere are we now,â heâd pointed a finger at the map. Montana. Southern Montana to be precise. âIâll give it to you Mr. Miller, if youâve made it this far on your own you probably wonât have any trouble making your way down south to Wyoming.â
âBut?â Joel watched the grimace pulling at the old manâs face.
âBut,â Arthur had said, âWinter is just around the corner and⊠well, going back out there in the wilderness alone during our winters is a dead trap, Iâll tell you that much.â
Joel had let the man go on about the far below freezing temperatures, the heavy snow, and the tough wind, but Joel wasnât stupid. He knew the winters up here were harsh. It wasnât even winter yet, but every day heâd felt the temperature drop lower and lower, and the last few of nights heâd even had to get a fire going, against his better judgement.
Soâ the deal was: Joel would stay over the winter. Just for the winter, heâd been adamant on not staying longer. Heâd get a place to stay, a warm bed to sleep in, and food in his belly on one condition â heâd help out on the farm.
The fire crackled loudly, red tongues licking up the chimney as Joel fed it another log. He watched as the fire caught in the new log, devouring it quickly and with no mercy. It was really starting to heat up now. A small flicker of pride sparked in Joel chest. Heâd always been good at building a fire. It was one of those things, Joel had come to learn, where you needed to pay attention, to have patience.
When he was younger, heâd take Tommy out camping sometimes, just the two of them. Mostly theyâd go during the summer; Tommy wasnât a fan of sleeping outside in the cold, though cold had meant something different back then in Texas. But Joel remembered one time heâd managed to convince him to go with him. It was right after heâd gotten his driverâs license, and his parents had given him a beat-up truck for his birthday â for sharing â theyâd told him, âYou need to give your little brother a ride when he needs it!â Joel wasnât exactly thrilled about his future as Tommyâs private driver, but it didnât mean he didnât love his brother.
A few weeks into October heâd managed to convince Tommy to go camping. Theyâd packed the truck with their tents, sleeping bags, and fishing equipment, before theyâd gotten on the road, driving to a lake where they knew there were fish to catch. Finding a place to camp was always difficult with Tommy. Theyâd parked Joelâs truck at the edge of the forest before theyâd followed a hiking trail. Joel was convinced theyâd walked at least three quarters of the way around the lake before they found a spot good enough for Tommy.
It had to be flat, but also shielded. There couldnât be too many rocks, but there also had to be enough rocks to build a hearth. Tommy wanted it to be private, but he also wanted it to be open enough that he could see if someone would stumble upon their camp. Joel knew not to argue with him when he got like that, opting instead for a defeated, âWhatever.â
Setting up camp went relatively easy. Theyâd worked together building the tents, collecting rocks for their fireplace, and even managed to find a fallen tree to use as a bench. When the night slowly started to cover them in darkness, Tommy decided to get the fire going. Joel watched him work the logs into a pile as he started on filleting the fish theyâd just caught.
âYouâre doinâ it wrong,â heâd told his brother, âYouâre suffocatinâ it.â Heâd washed his hands in the lake, ridding himself of the slimy smell of fish, before crouching down next to Tommy.
The fire was one big bowl of smoke, and Joel caught himself wondering what messages Tommy mustâve been sending to the heavens. He removed some of the heavier logs, and the fire could breathe.
âSee?â heâd looked at Tommy, âIt just needed air.â Joel had shifted the smaller pieces of wood around and not long after the fire was alive.
That Joel, that green boy who liked to take his little brother camping, that Joel didnât know how much those skills would come in handy in a few years when the world would get turned upside down.
âDo you have any mittens, Joel?â
Your question pulled Joel from his memories. He turned his head slightly, meeting your gaze from where you were huddled up in the corner of the couch. You looked cozy, but he knew you werenât. The house was cold this morning, outside a thin layer of frost had stuck to the grass during the night. It was early too, the sun not having climbed high enough yet to peek over the mountains. You looked tired where you sat, clad in a wool sweater with a blanket pulled over your knees. Under the blanket Joel remembered you were still wearing your pajama pants, and in your hand you held a steaming cup of tea, peppermint, Joel knew, his own cup abandoned on the coffee table.
âWhat?â Joel answered, eyebrows furrowed.
âDo you have any mittens, Joel?â you repeated softly, like the way people tended to speak in the mornings, like they were afraid theyâd wake up the world.
His calves were starting to burn from the strain of being crouched in front of the fireplace for a moment too long, and he tried his best to hide his groan, biting his teeth together as he stood to his feet, knees cracking loudly.
âUm, no,â he said, confused about your question.
âIâll knit you a pair then,â you smiled before putting your cup down next to his.
âThatâs⊠that ainât necessary,â Joel hurried, but you waved him off.
âSure it is,â you smiled again, much to Joelâs annoyance. He didnât deserve your kindness, but you gave it away like it cost nothing. âIf youâre gonna be helping Arthur out in the woods this winter, you need some mittens.â
Joel watched as you got up from your home on the couch and vanished into your bedroom. A moment later you appeared in the doorway with a basket under your arm.
âAlsoâŠâ you gave him another smile as you sat back down again, placing the basket in your lap. It was close to overflowing with yarn, balls of black and white in varying sizes peeking over the top, the homespun ends fraying against the rough edges of the basket. âIâll have something to do during the evenings,â you winked before you rummaged through the basket and fished out a measuring tape.
Joel shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he watched you. Mittens? Joel canât remember if heâs ever owned a pair of mittens. Gloves, sure, but mittens?
You patted the cushion next to you, urging him to sit down, kind smile hanging off your lips like always. Sitting down, he folded his hands in his lap, suddenly very aware of how close you were sitting. It wasnât like he hadnât sat next to you before; heâd been here a few weeks now, and he was starting to know you, but for some reason, this felt different. Maybe it was the early morning, the quiet house, or the fact that Alma and Arthur were still sleeping upstairs, but it felt like it was just the two of you, alone, and Joel didnât know how to feel about it.
You shifted towards him, the blanket slipping slightly off the couch with your movement, in your hands you held the measuring tape while you looked at him expectantly.
When Joel didnât move, a smile quirked at the corner of your mouth before you grabbed one of his hands resting in his lap. You uncurled his fingers slowly, one by one, making Joel hold his breath.
âI need to see how big I need to make them,â you whispered, holding his hand very gently.
Joelâs heart hammered in his chest. Your hand was warm and soft, like the last time heâd touched you as youâd introduced yourself to him. Joel didnât dare look at your face, or heâd say something stupid, so he didnât. He looked at your joined hands, his brain trying to remember the last time someone had held his hand as gently as you did, your thumb running over the back of it soothingly.
He canât remember. His hands are always empty.
With your other hand, a finger curled around the measuring tape, you slipped it around his wrist before leaning closer to look at the numbers.
âIs this too tight you think, or do you want them to be looser?â You asked through your lashes, eyes sparkling in the low morning light.
Joel cleared his throat, âNo, thatâs fine.â
âOkay,â you nodded, slipping the measuring tape from his wrist to write down the measurement. He hadnât noticed your notebook until now. It was a little rough around the edges from use, the spined cracked and the paper a little yellow. Placing the pen in the seam, you grabbed the measuring tape again.
Loosening your grip on his hand you placed it over the thick of your thigh. Joel drew a quick breath, his heartbeat hammering in his ears, under his hand he could feel the warmth of you through the soft flannel.
You continued taking your measurements. You didnât say anything, so neither did Joel, but you looked up at him through your lashes sometimes, and Joel thought that maybe the most useful thing one can do with empty hands, is hold on.
The creak of the stair made Joel jump, and like heâd been burned his hand retracted on reflex, as Arthurâs heavy steps got closer.
âMorning,â Arthur greeted as he ducked his head through the door to the living room.
âMorninâ,â Joel mumbled, head lowered as he gathered his hands in his lap.
âGood morning!â you smiled, always with that kind smile, âDid you sleep well, Arthur?â you got up from your seat before grabbing your teacup to follow Arthur into the kitchen, leaving the yarn and Joel.
Taking a deep breath, Joel pinched the top of his nose. He needed to get it together. You were just being your regular kind self; your soft touch was nothing more than that. Standing to his feet, Joel grabbed his own cup, trudging into the kitchen.
In the kitchen Arthur sat in his usual spot at the dining table, the chair closest to the window. âI need to get on with this barn soon,â Joel heard him say as he sat down opposite him. âItâs gonna fall apart come spring if we get as much snow as we did last year.â
Joel tried his best not to look at you as he heard you hum. You were stood at the kitchen counter slicing the bread Alma had baked yesterday, readying breakfast. Instead, Joel opted to gaze down into his teacup, where the peppermint leaves had all gathered at the bottom.
âUm,â Joel cleared his throat, âwhat needs fixinâ?â
âWhat doesnât need fixing in that barn?â Arthur sighed, peeling his eyes from out the window to Joel.
âI can uh,â Joel eyes shifted quickly to you before he cleared his throat again, âI can take a look at it, if ya want?â
Arthurâs eyebrows met in a furrow as he looked at Joel.
âI used to be a contractor,â Joel explained with a shrug, before taking a last cold sip of his tea.
âSo, you know a thing or two about buildings I reckon?â Arthur asked.
âYeah, well I used to,â Joel leaned back in his chair.
âWell, that would be very helpful Joelâ Iâd appreciated it!â Arthur smiled before leaning back in his chair making room for you as you started setting the table. Joel gave him a short nod in return, trying to fight the urge to look at you as you placed the food on the table.
Arthur had downplayed the state of the barn â it was a mess â it was dangerous, and had Joel told him as much. But it was nothing Joel couldnât fix, as long as he had the right supplies, fortunately for him the forest would provide them with what they needed.
Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.
The axe dug a deep wound into the bark with every swing. Joelâs breath was heavy, and his arms ached, but it was a welcomed form of tiredness. A month into it, he was starting to get used to the work. There was something so satisfying about manual labor, of using his hands, of making something â heâd almost forgotten.
The routine of the work felt good. Waking up at dawn, then breakfast, he could use his body for something useful for the first time in twenty years and end the day with a warm meal for supper. This new temporary life was simple, but it was strangely normal.
Originally, Joel was only helping Arthur out in the woods for firewood through the winterâ but now with the barn, theyâd changed course. The last few days theyâd started to become more selective with the trees; looking for the tallest and straightest ones that would fall safely.
A frozen sky hovered over the men as they worked. This morning when Joel had woken up, the thinnest layer of snow had fallen like powdered sugar during the night, turning the world bright with winter. Earlier in the week the frost had perched on the farm, and Joel had known winter was closing in. Heâd lost count of the days and months passing while on his own, but Arthur had told him it was late October.
âIt will start snowing properly soon,â Arthur said, breaking the silence between them.
Joel hummed before taking a bite of his packed lunch. Theyâd worked all morning â Joel felling the trees and Arthur cleaning them up and removing the branches. Now they were sat on a fresh tree stump each, their first break of the day.
âI have an old logging sled in the barnâ used to be my fatherâs,â Arthur explained, âI think we should leave the trees here until the snow gets deep enough for the sled and have the horses pull them back to the farm.â
âFine by me,â Joel took another bite of his lunch.
âThe logs will have to dry out over the winter,â Arthur mused, âThen come spring we can start the repairs on the barn.â
Spring. If everything goes according to plan, Joel wonât be here come spring. He needed to find Tommyâ he couldnât, and he wasnât gonna stay on the farm for any longer than necessary. Heâd already decidedâ when the snow finally started to melt, Joel was gone.
Joel hummed, a non-committed answer. It was easier that way, to not get Arthurâs hopes up. He liked Arthur, he was a good man, a hard worker even in his old age, and silent when Joel wanted him to be. Joel liked Alma too, but her age shined through more easily than Arthurâs. Joel couldnât help but notice her repeating herself more often and forgetting where she put things. It made life harder for you, Joel could see it. Your responsibilities were already a lot to handle as you took care of the animals mostly by yourself, but as Joel had discovered Alma starting to struggle with the housework, heâd noticed you starting to help her more often. In Joelâs mind it was unfair to you, but it wasnât like he could blame Alma for growing older, in this world it was a feat.
Still, heâd try his best to help you when he could, like doing the dishes after dinner as you dried them off and put them away. The first few times you were both quiet, it was strangely intimate, only the sound of splashing water filling the space between you. One night he'd gotten brave, breaking the comfortable silence and asked you âWhat you thinkinâ about, sweetheart?â Youâd looked at him with big eyes, searching his own for something, but before he could figure out what it was, youâd answered him with a shrug. It was unlike you, unlike you to be this silent, but Joel didnât push. The next night the silence persisted, and heâd thought adding âSweetheartâ had been too much, but then the next night youâd sighed quietly and whispered, âIâm worried about Alma.â
Looking down at the mittens in his lap, the guilt gnawed at him. The look of worry in your eyes, Arthurâs hopeful wishes, and Almaâs aging. Joel couldnât have anything tying him to this place. He was supposed to find his brother.
Suddenly, a black and orange butterfly landed on Joelâs knee. Joel stopped breathing, body going rigid as he tried not to move. How the hell was this butterfly still alive? It sat quiet on his knee, wings slowly retracting and widening behind it. Memories pushed its way to the forefront of Joelâs mind then.
Sarah. Another year had gone by, and the thought made his chest tighten.
âThatâs quite a sight at this time of year,â he heard Arthur say, âBeautiful, arenât they?â
âY-yeah,â Joel stammered out an answer, afraid his voice would scare it away.
The longer Joel watched the butterfly he found his guilt started to slowly melt away. Itâs okay, dad. It was like the rustling of the trees carried her voice with them. Youâre on the right path.
âI can do that fâyou want, sweetheart.â
Joelâs boots creaked under him as he walked across the barnyard. You looked up at the sound of his voice, smile blossoming across your face as you tightened your grip on the shovel.
âItâs alright,â you said with a grunt as you picked up more snow, adding it to the growing pile, âGood for me to get some physical work in.â
Joel nodded as you straightened up, hand going to your hip while the other leaned on the shovel, your heavy breath curled in small plumes out of your mouth. You took him in for a second, eyes flickering over his form before they fell on the rabbits hanging over Joelâs shoulder.
âWhereâd you get those?â you asked, and Joel shrugged.
âShot âem,â he said simply, âthey walked right by me as I was choppinââ seemed too good to pass up.â
âNot for the rabbits,â you muttered, and Joel had to fight the urge to smile.
âYou a vegetarian or somethinâ?â he asked with a single raised eyebrow, and you waved him off.
âNo,â you said pointedly, but a teasing lilt lingered, âJust stating a fact... we donât eat a lot of rabbit around here, is all.â
Joel nodded slightly; it made sense. He knew there was a gun in the house, but it was a revolverâ too small to do any real hunting, and Joel didnât even know if there were bullets for it. So, Joel didn't ask further. Lucky for him, you did.
âSo, you just shot those?â you asked, a frown pulling at your eyebrows, âArenât they fast?â
Joel made a nonchalant sort of face. âAinât that hard when you can aim straight.â
âWell, how do you aim straight?â
âYou learn to shoot.â
You let out a small laugh, one that pulled at Joelâs lips. âAnd how did you go about learning that?â
Joel felt his smile drop, the leather strap of his shotgun weighing heavy on his shoulder, âPractice.â
You didnât seem to notice the change in his demeanor as you dug the shovel into the snow, so it stood by itself like a watchman. âCan you teach me?â you asked, the snow creaking under your shoes as you took a few steps closer.
His lips pulled at the corner, âNo.â
Your eyes widened with disappointment, eyebrows pulling together in a frown as you asked, âWhy?â
âNothinâ good ever comes from it,â Joel shrugged.
âOkay,â you huffed a laugh, âthatâs sinister.â Then you narrowed your eyes at him, gearing up for an argument no doubt with the way you rested your hand on your hip. âWhat if I also wanted to go hunting?â you posed, and Joel shook his head.
âThat ainât happeninâ, sweetheart.â
âOkay, but now youâve brought us rabbitsâ and what if I end up really liking rabbit?â you bit down on your bottom lip, unconsciously showing off you own rabbit teeth.
Cute.
âThen Iâll shoot as many rabbits as you want,â Joel countered with a teasing smile before tightening his hold on the rope slung over his other shoulder (the one heâd tied the rabbits to), and walked towards the kitchen door at the back of the farmhouse.
He heard you huff in defeat behind him, your creaky steps following him up the stairs and inside. Walking into the kitchen Joel placed the rabbits on the table before he pulled at his mittens, stripped off his jacket, and hung it neatly over the back of one of the dining chairs. Grabbing one of the rabbits he brought it to the kitchen counter to start dressing it, fighting the urge to turn his head as he heard you enter the room.
âCome on, Joel,â you whined, âWhy wonât you teach me?â
âTold you already,â Joel replied, âNothinâ good comes from learninâ to shoot things.â
Shifting the rabbit around on the counter he reached for the butcher knife in the knife block.
âYou know, thatâs a really stupid way of saying you donât want to spend the time,â you told him, your voice closer now as you leaned against the kitchen counter. Â
âWhen exactly did ya hear me sayinâ I don't wanna spend time with you?â Joel asked, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown.
âYou wonât teach me to shoot,â you teased, and Joel could hear the smile in your voice.
Joel huffed out a laugh, âDamn right I wonât.â Â
He heard you let out a whiney huff, before you turned on your heel, muttering out a curse under your breath when you accidently bumped your hip into the counter and Joel couldnât help the smile teasing at his lips. You sat down with an overdramatic sigh, and Joel still didnât look at you â he knew heâd cave eventually if he did, say yes against his better judgement â so he kept his eyes on the knife in his hand.
âHowâs Arthur?â Joel asked as he worked.
âI donât know,â you sighed, âThe same I thinkâ Alma was up there looking after him last time I checked.â
This time Joel allowed himself to look at you. You sat sideways on the wooden chair, legs crossed and tucked under your chair with your head hanging, eyes glued to your lap. Gone were the teasing, and gone were the smiles.
âHeâll be fine,â Joel said, his eyes back on the rabbit, âitâs just a cold.â
âYeah⊠but heâs been getting sick a lot more often,â your voice was low, like you didnât want them to hear you upstairs, âyou canât help but think the worst you know?â
Joel put the knife down and moved over to the sink. He quickly washed his hands before grabbing a towel to dry off, twisting it in his hands as he approached you. Placing the towel on the counter, he hesitated for a moment as he watched you, watched the way you twisted your hands in your lap with no sense of purpose or intent. It was like the worry dripped down your body. Pushing off the counter Joel knelt in front of you, a grunt escaped him as his knees clicked loudly, his balance slightly off on his haunches.
âShit,â Joel huffed out a laugh, and you followed. Your palms landed on his knees to keep him steady, warmth spreading like jolting electricity.
âSweetheart, Iâll tell you whatââ he stopped himself when you looked at him through your lashes, trying to ignore the way your eyes focused on his mouth as he spoke. ââs just a cold, heâll be up ân walkinâ tomorrowâ manâs got gumption.â
âYeah?â your eyes flickered upwards, meeting his.
Suddenly, under your gaze Joel felt brave. His hand moved on its own accord, cupping your cheek in his hand. He let his thumb ghost over your skin, still cold under his fingertips from being outside, but warming under his touch.
âYeah, sweetheart.â
You didnât say anything for a moment, you only watched him with glimmering eyes, like you were under a spell. Maybe he was too.
âStill,â you sighed, âWould be better if I could pick up more of the slack around here... Arthur does a lot, and I wish I could do more to support them.â
âLike what? You take care of the animals all by yourselfâ thatâs more than enough.â
âWell, I could learn to shoot rabbits,â you told him, before the corners of your mouth pulled into a pleased smirk as he rolled his eyes at you.
Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away, making a move to stand when you grabbed his wrist, stopping him.
âIâm kidding, Joel,â you smiled, before a more serious look washed over your features. âI mean itâs⊠Itâs gonna be empty here without you,â you said, âIâm starting to really like having you here, Joel.â
Joel turned his hand to rest the back of it on your thigh, your hand fitting in his.
âI uh,â his eyes fixated on your joined hands, then he cleared his throat, âIâll stay as long as you need me to. Iâm not leavinâ you alone, sweetheart.â
Your eyes lit up at his words, smile growing large across your face. Joelâs heart drummed in his chest as your eyes flickered down to his mouth again.
âThank you,â you said in a low voice, and then you did something Joel thought was gonna make his heart stop beating. You leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. It bloomed against his skin, and made wings flutter against the walls of his stomach.
âYouâre a good man, Joel Miller,â you whispered before you pulled away, looking at him with kindness in your eyes.
If only you knew, Joel thought, if only you knew the blood on his hands.
He couldnât look at you when you looked at him like that. Like you believed your own words. So, he cleared his throat awkwardly and stood to his feet, his knees clicking as your hand slipped from his movement. He walked back to the counter, fingers grabbing the towel with no other purpose than to calm himself down.
After placing the towel back where it usually hung, he grabbed the knife again, turning his attention back to the rabbit, allowing himself to steal a few glances at you where you sat looking out the kitchen window.
âHey, uh,â Joel broke the growing silence after a few minutes, âhow âbout rabbit stew for lunch?â
Your head snapped to look at him as he spoke, a smile ghosting over your lips as you said, âIâll go get some vegetables from the cellar.â
Joel wouldnât necessarily call himself a good cook â he wouldnât even call himself a cook in the first place. Back before the outbreak heâd been forced to learn the basics as a fresh single dad, but heâd never been able to provide Sarah with gourmet meals very often, and when Sarah had gotten older, heâd been embarrassed to say that her food was always better than his â eggshells and all. One summer heâd bought himself a nice grillâ one of those way too expensive gas grills with too many fancy accessories for Joel to regularly use. Heâd had a job that ended up paying well, some rich guyâs mansion that needed renovating, and decided to treat himself for once. That summer all their meals had come from that grill, well mostly, and afterwards Joel looked at himself as a pretty good griller, if nothing else.
You on the other hand, you knew what you were doing, it was clear in the effortlessly way you moved beside him as you got the vegetables ready for the stew. Joel seared the meat to the best of his abilities, making sure it was properly browned on both sides before setting it aside. After that, it was clear that you were in charge, and Joel let you boss him around and tell him what to do. It made his heart warm around the edges, watching how you put so much love and care into everything you did.
An hour later you finally sat down to eat; two hearty bowls of stew each as light snowflakes covered the world outside. Youâd let the pot simmer on low over the heat as youâd wanted to bring up a bowl for Arthur and Alma later.
âSoâŠâ you started, watching as Joel dug into his bowl, âHowâs the stew?â
ââs good!â Joel nodded through a mouthful, and he wasnât lying. It was good, really good in fact.
âYeah?â you bubbled through a smile, before you dug into your own bowl to see if heâd spoken the truth. He watched as you face brightened as you chewed, nodding your head to confirm his verdict.
âI think I really like rabbit, Joel,â you said through a teasing smile, and Joel couldnât fight the chuckle from spilling.
âYeah?â
âYeah,â you nodded, teasing smile not going anywhere, âSo⊠when are you teaching me to shoot?â
âShut up.â
The living room was quiet, safe for the cracking of the fire. It had almost died out when Joel had stepped out of his room. Heâd been twisting and turning again, counting sheep, but nothing had been able to pull him under the blanket of sleep. He was plumb tired too, that was the worst part. The embers hummed with a low light, and with a small stick Joel had spread them out before placing a small piece of wood on top. No less than a minute later the fire fed on the log.
Taking a seat and leaning back in the lounge chair, Joel looked out the window with tired eyes. The moon looked down on him, big and bright, it shone its white light over the barnyard like a spotlight. His thoughts were clouded over as he gazed up. A billion little lights turning into bright spheres in the sky.
On nights like this, Joel felt like he was barely breathing at all.
His thoughts didnât stray for long before they found you again. Lately, you were always on his mind. He thought about how youâd looked mere hours ago, when heâd sat in this same exact chair, only this time it was facing towards the sofa and not the window.
Youâd been sat curled up in the corner, blanket thrown over your lap with a book in hand. Youâd told him youâd read all the books in the house already, but it didnât stop you from coming back to your favorites. Joel had been reading his own book, an old western heâd found in the bookshelf in the upstairs hallway a few days ago. It was entertaining, but not enough to hold his attention. He found his eyes had a mind of their own, slipping over the top to steal a peek at you as you read, feeling a smile tug at his lips at the barely there furrow of concentration between your eyebrows.
âJoel.â
Joel perked up at the whisper of his name, the memories fading like ripples in still water. He looked around the room ânothing. He sat quietly in his chair for a moment, listening, as his heartbeat quickened in his chest. It had been your voice, hadnât it? Or was he starting to lose it? His eyes fell to the door of your bedroom. He hadnât noticed it until now, but he could see it was slightly ajar.
âJoel.â
The voice was louder this time, almost strained, but it was yours. A thousand scenarios flashed before his eyes then at your tone. Was there someone in your room? Were you in danger? Seconds later Joel crossed the room, a mix of fear and protectiveness overcoming him.
Leaning up against your door he listened for the intruder as he readied himself. The soft crinkling of your sheets combined with your strained whimpers was all it took for him to push the door open, fearing the worst.
AndâŠ
It was empty, your room, you were alone. Joel immediately felt stupidâ the only intruder here was him.
He was about to step out, embarrassed at his actions, when he heard it again, his name falling from your lips. It was all Joel needed to finally take in your body, squirming under your sheets, still asleep. The realization of what heâd just walked in on made Joelâs eyes widen.
Laying on your back, the duvet had slipped down your torso from your movements to reveal the thin t-shirt you wore to bed. Like this he could see your perked nipples through the fabric, as your chest quickly rose and fell, making Joelâs imagination start to run wild.
âJoel.â
In his pajama pants, Joel could feel his cock come alive from the soft whimper that left your lips along with his name. He couldnât move, like some farm elf had glued his feet to the floor while he wasnât looking. He watched as you scrunched your face together in pleasure, another whimper falling from your lips, and all the blood in Joelâs body rushed down south.
As if the soundwaves from your voice had broken against him, he took a step backwards, and then another, and another until he crossed the threshold of your door. He tried his best to be quiet, to not wake you and have you catch him in your room in the middle of the night.
The image of you squirming under your sheets, dreaming of him, didnât leave him as he closed the door to his own room. With a sigh his head fell against the door, a strong hand gliding down his front to hover over his aching cock.
Joel Miller was no saint, but what he was doingâ what he was about to do, was bad.
âShit,â he quietly hissed, running his hand up his clothed cock. He hadnât touched himself properly in a long time, not since he left Boston.
His cock reacted to his touch, growing harder and harder until he couldnât take it anymore. He hooked his finger around the hem of his pajama pants, pulling them down to the thick of his thigh, freeing himself. He hissed at the cold air hitting his length, as it bopped with the movement of being freed. Bringing his hand to his mouth, Joel spat, before he wrapped his spit-soaked hand around himself.
His mind found you again as he started stroking himself, slowly at first, pumping himself with a practiced hand, squeezing himself at the base before bringing his hand up to thumb at the tip. Joel couldnât get the way you sounded out of his mind. Couldnât forget how you were squirming in your bed, dreaming of him. Couldnât shake the thought of pulling those moans and whimpers from you with his hands, and his mouth, and with his cock.
âFuck.â
Joel tried to be quiet, but he couldnât fight the moan from slipping from his lips. Fuck, he wanted you. He wanted his hands all over you. Closing his eyes his mouth dropped open as he imagined what he was dying to do to you.
How much heâd wanted to help you out of your t-shirt, run his hands over your breasts and tease your nipples. Take his time to pull those moans and whimpers from your soft lips as he teased you with kisses down your body, down the valley of your breasts, your tummy, down to you to yourâ
Another low moan fell from Joelâs lips. He squeezed himself tighter as he jerked himself off, precum pearling at the tip, and slipping down his length, mixing with his spit.
The sound of the slick rhythm of his hand filled his bedroom as he increased the pace of his strokes. He had to bite down on his lip to strangle a groan when thoughts of getting between your legs, spreading them open and getting his mouth on you filled his head. He fantasized about how youâd taste falling apart on his tongueâFuck, how youâd sound falling apart around his cock.
His eyes fell shut as he fisted himself faster. Joel could feel his orgasm quickly building, coiling tight in his tummy. With his free hand he cupped his balls, and then he couldnât help but imagine it was you, a picture of you on your knees before him flashed behind his eyelids, your tongue lapping at his balls while your hand pumped his cock.
âShit.â
With a strained groan, thick ropes of cum spilled over his knuckles and down his length, coating him in his release. His breath came out ragged, as he continued his strokes, milking himself of the rest of his release.
Fuck.
His cock softened in his hand as he calmed down from his high. With a quiet groan he pushed himself off the door, looking around his room for something to clean himself up with.
The guilt of what heâd done washed over him quickly, settling in his chest like a heavy weight. You were so young, and beautiful, and Joel just an old man. He shouldnât want you like this, shouldnât want you this much.
Climbing under the covers, Joel couldnât shake his thoughts of you, of you dreaming about him in your bed, about your smiles, and your touch. A supercut of you rolling like a tape in his minds eye. A supercut of you bundled up under a blanket on the sofa, knitting him his mittens. Of you, your own knitted hat pulled tightly down over your ears as you stepped out into the snow to check on the animals. Of the way youâd looked at him for the first time, with the bucket of apples under your arm, and the sweet taste of them as youâd offered him one later, after dinner.
Finally, Joel could breathe.
next part -> here! i hope someone liked this? if you did a comment, reply or an ask is always welcome and they make me super happy <3 other than that thank you for reading!!
© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller smut#joel miller angst#joel miller fluff#tlou smut#tlou fanfiction#the last of us smut#the last of us fanfiction#pedro pascal
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Steddie motorcycle gang au
Eddie rides big, rumbling, twin engine Harleys with the Hellfire gang. They wear leather, eat at seedy bars, and spend their evenings listening to live bands.
Steve rides sleek, fast, Ducati rockets with The Kings. They wear stylish racing jackets that match their bikes, eat at bars on the waterfront, and spend their nights dancing at clubs.
Hellfire and The Kings have run into each other a few times. Other than the stray glare or sneer, they tend to stay out of each other's way. The groups keep to their own territories.
That all changes when Tommy, second for The Kings, catches Eddie and Steve in a heap of tangled limbs, sweat slick and panting into each other's mouths in a cramped bar bathroom. A betrayal not just to the gang, but to him. Being a second's supposed to mean something.
Later, Eddie's posted up in the corner booth of The Tavern, anxiously checking his phone. It's almost one in the morning, and he never heard from Steve when he rushed out after Tommy.
It's three am when he decides he can't wait anymore.
He's only ever been to Loch nightclub after closing, when Steve sneaks him in through the back as Tommy walks out the front. It was always a rush, hearing him shout his goodbye while Eddie already had his hands wrapped around Steve's cock.
Eddie sneaks through that same back door, alone, to find Steve beaten and bloodied on the bar floor. Unmoving, ripped clothing, broken glass scattered around him like a halo and a broken beer bottle rolled a few feet away.
There's condensation when he holds the glass up to his sweetheart's mouth.
Tucked underneath Steve's bruised forehead is a blood smeared note. Tommy's handwriting declaring The King is Dead. Burn in Hellfire.
It's only then Eddie notices the sting of heavy smoke in his eyes and throat. He spots a chain and padlock on the front door, and can only hope the back's still open. The building cracks as flames lick the walls.
So many times before, Eddie's wrapped his baby up in his arms. But not like this, never like this. A dead weight, soot stained and tear streaked.
Alive. Barely.
Three weeks later, it's the first war in almost fifty years. Steve climbs onto his new, matte black Ducati with pin stripe flames on the back fender, outfitted in Eddie's old worn leather jacket already littered with patches. However, one new patch across the back catches everyone's eye.
King of Hell.
Atop his new chariot, they ride to war, with Steve at his side where he's always belonged.
#hey look at this random thing i made#steddie#steddie fic idea#steddie wip#motorcycle au#steddie motorcycle gang#steve and eddie hate fucking each other until its not hate anymore#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie headcanon#queeniewritesstories#queenie's wips
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Resurrected AU [Masterpost]
What starts as a strange, unlikely alliance between Scourge and a mysteriously resurrected Infinite somehow turns into some kind of freaky sitcom situation where a bunch of previously-not-alive villains are all living under the same roof as a family!
[full masterpost under cut!]
General AU Tag (chrono order; includes everything from headcanons to art to extra info)
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Characters involved in the AU (so far...):
Scourge the Hedgehog
Infinite the Jackal
Meta the Hedgehog (organic Metal Sonic)
Mephiles the Dark (given a mortal Mobian hedgehog body)
Iblis the Flame (given a mortal Mobian hedgehog body)
Flatline the Platypus (zombie Dr. Starline)
Solaris the Hedgehog (fusion of Mephiles and Iblis)
Julius the Hedgehog (zombie Anti-Jules Hedgehog)
Sonic the Hedgehog
Shadow the Hedgehog
Bangarang the Hedgehog (Scourge, Sonic, and Shadow's accidental chaos child)
VacĂo the Jackalhog (Infinite and Mephiles' son)
Black Doom (given a mortal Mobian hedgehog body)
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Character References (some need updating):
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Major Plotpoints So Far:
Scourge "rescues" Infinite from a base built by Eggman Nega with the intention of using him to defeat Sonic, but Infinite quickly asserts his dominance over the situation; Scourge and Infinite agree to an alliance of sorts, but that eventually turns into a mutual familial bond, and they basically adopt each other as father and son figures
Meta (Metal Sonic given a Mobian hedgehog body by Dr. Eggman) discovers Scourge and Infinite and proceeds to be very antagonistic until they are shown kindness and hospitality; Scourge and Meta butt heads at first because Scourge is afraid Meta will replace him in his relationship with Infinite, but Infinite reassures Scourge that this won't happen, and Scourge learns to eventually see Meta as a younger sibling; Scourge, Meta, and Infinite proceed to move into Infinite's old abandoned family home
Scourge accidentally releases Mephiles from his prison after snatching the artifact he was trapped in that was pulled through time thanks to one of Eggman's machines; Mephiles uses Scourge's shadow to take his form, but due to the circumstances of him being out of his own timeline his form is unstable and he must remain close to Scourge in order to tether himself to the timeline; Meta takes interest in Mephiles from a scientific standpoint and decides to study him while Mephiles proceeds to quite dramatically be a nuisance in the three's lives, especially Infinite's; Mephiles eventually takes Infinite's form to mock him but in doing so he becomes weakened, which prompts Meta to suggest he be given his own mortal body as well; Mephiles is given a body and leaves for a short period of time before returning and properly integrating himself into the family because of his attachment to Meta (and Meta's to him); Mephiles and Infinite discover they have feelings for each other despite everything
Flatline pulls Iblis from Mephiles' timeline into theirs and gives her a mortal Mobian hedgehog form like Mephiles' in order to distract Mephiles enough to where he can get at Infinite's Phantom Ruby, except he botched the process and made her body unstable; Mephiles ruins Flatline's plans by rejecting Iblis in the moment in order to save his current family, but he quickly returns to reassure her that he isn't going anywhere and invites her to join them instead; Iblis agrees because of her love for Mephiles, and Flatline is forced to stay with them as well to work with Meta to stabilize Iblis' body; Flatline eventually grows fond of the family despite his initial ulterior motives, and he decides to stay for real even after Iblis is stabilized; Infinite, Mephiles, and Iblis become a triad after Mephiles reassures Infinite that his feelings for him have not changed even with Iblis in the picture now; Mephiles and Iblis discover they can still fuse into Solaris, just in hedgehog form, and they can also unfuse at will
Flatline discovers Julius (Scourge's late father) was revived similarly to how he was revived--wild chaos energy--and pulled across space into their world; Julius stays with the family but everyone kind of hates his guts because they know about how he used to treat Scourge and why Scourge took his life; eventually Scourge confronts Julius and tells him the full and honest truth about how he feels and has always felt, which finally puts things into perspective for Julius; Julius and Scourge slowly but surely begin to mend their relationship
Sonic runs into Scourge one day and discovers Infinite is back, but upon seeing how neither of them care to get into it with him, he becomes curious and decides to talk to Scourge one-on-one for a while, slowly discovering how much Scourge has changed thanks to his living situation; Sonic and Scourge eventually develop feelings for each other, but Sonic makes a point to make sure Scourge knows Shadow will be involved as well, which ends up not being a huge issue for neither Scourge nor Shadow, and the three of them also become a triad
Scourge, Sonic, and Shadow accidentally create a baby when a giant explosion of their combined chaos energy happens during a high-speed race; they name the child Bangarang (or Bang for short) and proceed to raise them together, with Bang staying at Scourge's place for the majority of the time as Sonic and Shadow don't really have a solid housing situation; Mephiles sees Bang and suggests to Infinite that they have a similar child, and when he agrees, they combine their essences using the Phantom Ruby and Mephiles' god powers to create a jackalhog named Moon; Moon and Bang grow up alongside each other, and Moon eventually renames himself to VacĂo to honor Infinite; Bang slowly discovers his Doom powers as they part Black Arms like Shadow, and while they have an easy time wrangling those, VacĂo struggles with his Phantom Ruby abilities that he inherited from Infinite
Eggman revives Black Doom by giving him a Mobian hedgehog body like he did with Meta, with the intention of using him against Sonic and Shadow; Black Doom only complies with the intention of getting revenge on Shadow and possibly forcing him over to his side finally; Black Doom manages to shake up Scourge's family by subtly and slowly manipulating Scourge, and eventually this leads to Black Doom full-on controlling Scourge's mind; Sonic, Shadow, and the rest of Scourge's family are able to break him free from Black Doom's control in the end
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Possible Future Plotpoints:
Mephiles and Iblis have a child, as well as Infinite and the collective Solaris
Some kind of family thing with Black Doom and Shadow (I can't help myself lol. we ball)
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Extra Important Tidbits:
Meta uses they/them pronouns at first, but later realizes she feels happiest when referred to in a feminine way
The entire family hates that Scourge is dating Sonic and Shadow, but they begrudgingly support him because their love for him is stronger than their hatred for Sonic and Shadow
Mephiles and Iblis remember Sonic and Shadow, and Sonic remembers them, but nobody else remembers them as they are from an erased timeline
Iblis is indifferent towards Sonic and Shadow, whereas Mephiles heavily dislikes them both
Infinite is closer to Mephiles than he is with Iblis, but the three of them are still a very solid and healthy polyamorous relationship
The AU takes place a while into the future; Scourge is 23 at the start of the AU, Meta is 22, and Infinite is 37
--
That's all I have for now! I have a fic version planned at some point (hopefully) as well as a potential comic version (also hopefully). This is an ongoing, still-developing AU that just keeps growing, so things may be changed/added/removed as time goes on! :) I hope you stick around to see what unfolds! <3
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RULES â MASTERLIST â REQ BOX
CW: gn reader*, mentions of divorce.
there is a part 2 in the vault with smut if you guys want it đ«Ł (as this story is gender neutral, the daughter can be adopted or surrogated, if you wish to put it that way. but the next part will specify that the reader is afab)*
song for the chapter: intro (end of the world) - Ariana Grande
husband!Simon, who is gutted but understanding when you say you want a divorce. your relationship had taken a slow but scrutinising turn ever since you had your first kid.
the flame wasnât there anymore, and you had gone into a depressive state due to the overwhelming pressure of having to take care of your daughter by yourself every time he got deployed to another country, then having to pray he would make it out alive.
ex-husband!Simon, who moves out in a matter of days after the talk, going to a small local motel so you had your space. you are devastated at the loss of warmth on the other side of the bed. although it wouldnât have been any different if he stayed, as you had both been isolating yourselves for a while.
ex-husband!Simon, who comes around every weeks to check up on you and your child. making sure that everything was okay, which it wasnât, but you had pulled yourself together to make sure you were there for her.
ex-husband!Simon, who still comes to parent-teacher interviews/conferences, resting a loving hand on your thigh as your daughterâs teacher talks about how much of an amazing student she is.
you expected nothing of it as it couldâve just been a natural instinct from him.
like how he still wore his ringâŠâŠâŠ. every dayâŠ
rightâŠâŠâŠâŠ
ex-husband!Simon, who helps out in the kitchen one night, after dropping off your daughter at a sleepover; passing dishes back and forth, making sure to add lingering touches, to see if they were reciprocated, or if he should stop. and you just ignored them for the time being, not wanting to give him the time of day due to the state he left you in.
ex-husband!Simon, who is on your door step the night before the divorce is finalised.
âIâm not signing the papers.â He stated firmly.
Your brows furrowed at the sight of him on your doorstep this late at night; speechless, you just let out a scoff of surprise.
âWhat?â You asked him confused, crossing your arms over your chest.
âIâm not signing the papers,â He repeated, âI want to make this work.â
âYou donât get to do that.â
âDo what?â
âWaltz back into my life like itâs nothing,â You answered, âI wanted a divorce for a reason.â
âIâll be better.â His gaze narrowed, âIâll prioritise you and our daughter, I didnât do a good job last time. But now, Iâll be there every step of the way, and support you.â
âI wonât leave you in the dark again. And if youâre lost, Iâll make sure to be the light.â
Your gaze softened as he grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his chest.
âPlease,â He whispered, âCan we try again?â
And just like that, the walls that you had built up to make sure you didnât get hurt again, came crashing down.
#cod imagines#call of duty#simon ghost riley#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost x you#angst#exhusband#simon riley#tf 141#task force 141#cod mwii#cod mw2#ghost call of duty#ghost cod#writers on tumblr#gender neutral reader#sfw post
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hey đ
MY TURN TO REQUEST đ
how do you think Ghost would feel about his s/o who hates being touched but only allows him to touch them??? đđ
touchy feelies
warnings: gn! reader, combat medic! reader, gn!reader, pinning, a bit of mental exhaustion & guilt, self hair pulling
simon flinches if heâs caught off guard on base when someone gives him a friendly tap. even if itâs just soap who ends up giving him a friendly tap. he knows why that is, he just refuses to acknowledge it.
so when it comes to you, precious you, he gets it. he sees the way you side eye someone when they put a hand on your shoulder and how you shrug it off. he sees the way you avoid hugs like the plague. he sees you give weak smiles in exchange for pats on the back. he sees it all, he sees you.
the first time that you let him touch you, you both were skittish as can be. it was a simple fist bump but he knows it meant a lot to you. it was symbolic even. you initiated it, and thank god because simon would never push any boundaries, he wouldn't want it himself. it was simple really; a mission done well, you both staying alive with no major injuries, it was pretty ideal. as you both were about to land on the air-evac, you turn to him, a grin on your lips, "good to be alive sometimes huh?"
simon stared at you and your fist raised up a bit, he gulped but goddamnit, he couldn't resist it. he bumped his fist into yours and that alone made the both of you giggle on the inside like a crushing schoolgirl.
soap stared in utter confusion.
the next time you let him touch you was in the medical bay. you weren't broken, physically at least, but having to be on your feet all day with the weight of all those lives you couldn't save made you sick. it usually doesn't make itself known, today was just not a good day. simon was on his way to hit the showers when he walked past the open door, seeing you hunched over a crash cart, your head in your hands. the grip on your hair tightened and you looked just about to pull it all out.
he couldn't control his feet but soon he found himself backtracking and knocking on the door to get your attention. his body was attracted to you, drawn to you like a moth to a flame. he was hesitant when you looked up at him, awaiting what he had to say. soon he was a mere two steps besides you. you stood up a bit straighter, head lifted and eyes focused on him.
his hand found your back, lighting touching your camis. "you're doing good, kid"
you don't know why but you didn't hate his touch, it was a good warmth. you stared at him. you tried to breathe it all in, and soon you found yourself breathing him in, a hug that you actually wanted for once. physical touch was new to the both of you, it was awkward, arms loosely around each other, but it wasn't uncomfortable.
the next morning he saw you just about barked at someone trying to throw an arm around your shoulders for a picture. he laughed to himself, a bubbly feeling in his chest.
#cod mw2#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mwii#cod#modern warfare 2#fanfic#cod ghost#katzwrites#ghost x reader#ghost call of duty#simon ghost riley#simon ghost x reader#ghost x soap#ghost x you#ghost x male reader#ghost x y/n#ghost x gn reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley#simon riley ghost#simon riley call of duty#simon ghost x you#call of duty modern warfare
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request for a logan x reader where logan comforts the reader after they come home from a mission all bloodied up? i see a lot of reader comforting logan fics but im curious to see how itd be the other way round :)
me? responding to a request like three weeks later? it's more likely than you think. also sorry it's so short. originally it turned into smut but i didn't know if you'd want that given the request was for hurt/comfort. (if you guys want i can publish the alternate smut version of this fic too).
solace
summary: you come home from a mission gone wrong and logan helps you through it.
warnings: death (offscreen), blood, non-sexual intimacy, nudity, reader has hair, pet names (logan canonically calls his love interests "darlin'" and this is me pushing that agenda), english is not my first language so please do not be rude
word count: 1004
youâre splattered in blood and grime, grey ash streaking your skin from the fire created by a little boy lashing out at the world. he had set his own house on fire, his parents dying in the most brutal of ways, burned alive.
âoh princess, câmere,â logan pulls you into his arms. youâre in too much shock to argue, letting him manoeuvre you like a doll.
you donât like going on missions, donât like hurting people. youâre only ever sent on the easy ones, the non-violent ones, where you try to convince mutant kids to join the school. youâre good at talking to children, at getting them to admit their fears to you, at soothing their worries. but even the easy missions donât always go well.
charles could sense that this particular child was powerful, and far worse than that, he was angry. heâd lashed out when heâd seen you, screamed in anger when his parents expressed a desire for him to go to xavierâs school, to learn to control himself before he came back home again. his parents were frightened too, scared of what might happen if things continued the way they were.
theyâd all died in the explosion of his power.
he was so scared. he never meant to hurt anyone, you could see it in his eyes when the fire continued to burn despite him letting go. it was out of control, no longer a part of him that he could control like an extra limb, but something with a mind of its own.
it reminds you of yourself when youâd first discovered your abilities, scared and alienated from the rest of the world, from the non-mutants around you. you see yourself in every kid you save, and in every kid you lose.
you stay in loganâs arms for a long while, the only sound in the room his steady breathing contrasting with your ragged, choked out sobs. his chest rises steadily against yours, a rhythm that you try to imitate but you canât, and with every failed inhale you feel your frustration grow, your panic increase.
he picks you up easily, and you instinctively wrap your legs around his waist, clutching onto him so as not to fall. he would never drop you, you know that, but itâs always a slight surprise when youâre not expecting him to lift you from the ground.
he leads you to the bathroom where he helps you strip out of your clothes, so gentle with your shaking form. his hands trace each new sliver of skin revealed to him, keeping a firm pressure on you always, grounding you, reminding you of where you are. not in a burning house watching a childâs corpse go pitch black from the flames, but in the house that logan bought the two of you, not too far from the school but enough to give the two of you privacy.
in the shower, the blood rinses off your skin, pink rivulets swirling down the drain. yet you can still feel it, thick and sticky and warm. you want to scrub at your skin until its red and blistering, until you have to grow a new layer of skin, a fresh one that hasnât been touched by death.
logan doesnât let you. he catches your hand and whispers, âlet me take care of you, darlinâ.â
you lean into his bare chest and he massages shampoo into the roots of your hair, over your scalp until it foams, and then rinses it away. he runs your conditioner - the one he always claims is too expensive and why would you spend so much on hair products - through your hair, tugging gently at the strands when he notices you disappearing into your mind.
afterwards he pats you dry, and kisses every inch of your skin, reverent, on his knees before you. and then he rises to his feet and finally presses his lips to yours, soft and intimate, not rushed or heated, just reassurance that heâs here, heâs got you, and heâs not going anywhere.
âdo you want to talk about it?â he asks eventually.
you shake your head, âhe was just a kid.â
âi know,â logan says, rubbing his large, rough hands over your arms, up and down, âbut itâs not your fault, you know that. you canât control what other people do. dâyou blame storm for what happened?â
âno!â you exclaim, eyes wide at the implication that one of your best friends could have caused the boys death.
âbut she was on the mission with you,â logan comments, and you shake your head, âif you donât blame her, you canât blame yourself. neither of you knew, you couldnâtâve stopped it.â
âmaybe,â you say. you donât really believe it, but logan knows itâll take you time to get back to your usual happy self, and heâs fine with staying by your side, whispering praise and reassurance until you start to believe him again.
afterwards, he puts on your favourite movie. he spends the whole time making fun of the characters and their decisions, grumbling about how movies will base their entire plot progression on actions no real, rational person would ever do, until you giggle wetly and slap him in the arm, telling him to shut up and let you watch the film.
you lean back into the circle of his arms and he holds you tight, occasionally wiping stray tears that run down your cheeks. thereâs less tension in your muscles now, but youâre not quite relaxed, so he shuffles the two of you around until he can massage your shoulders and back.
you moan at the feeling, sinking into the sensation of his large hands working at the knots, until youâre putty for him. you feel warm and fuzzy by the time his hands start to stray down, massaging your thighs.
âfeelinâ better?â he asks as the end credits roll, pressing a kiss to your hair.
âyeah,â you sigh, âthank you for taking care of me.â
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x y/n#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine x y/n#wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x fem reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#wolverine x fem reader#wolverine x fem!reader#james logan howlett#wolverine logan howlett#logan howlett headcanons#logan howlett drabble#logan howlett oneshot#wolverine headcanons#wolverine drabble#wolverine oneshot#logan howlett fluff#wolverine fluff#logan howlett angst#wolverine angst#the wolverine#x men origins wolverine#x men 2000#deadpool and wolverine
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RECOVERY
I spent a lot of my life depressed without admitting it to myself and then i spent a year so depressed i could hardly make myself do the bare minimum to keep my body alive, and now it's about 3 years since i got up from that lowest point and while i am still struggling with myself things are objectively a lot better.
and i just want to put a couple things i've learned, both to remind myself of how far i've come, and in case any of what i've experienced helps anyone else.
You can't run from the darkness
When you're super depressed it's easy to focus on how much you don't want to be depressed. When everything is darkness you tend to wish you could escape that darkness.
but you can't. The darkness is all around you. You can't run away from it without running deeper into it.
instead, follow the light.
don't think of it as escaping depression, think of it as seeking joy. Don't run away from the darkness, walk toward any lights you can see.
At first it will be very small things. The taste of a food. The way your favorite color looks. A smell you like. For me one of the first things i could find to remind me of joy was the way a warm shower feels.
I would just stand in the shower and lean into the tiny, tiny joy of that feeling. I would describe it to myself, how it felt good, what about it felt good. It didn't cure me, it didn't make me less depressed, but it was a little point of joy to focus on, to breathe into like a tiny candle flame in my darkness.
I would memorize that feeling, so that later, when i felt like nothing ever brought me joy anymore, i could think, no, that's your depression lying to you, you felt joy, however small, right there in the shower just yesterday. And, maybe there is more somewhere else.
Even today, it's been a hard week, i'm feeling a lot of hopeless and helpless feelings clamoring away at me, but... i have spicy soup. And spicy soup is a NEW joy. I found spicy soup joy as i was following any little light i could out of the deepest part of my depression.
I never put hot sauce in soup before then. But today i am drinking the broth of a very spicy soup and as much as everything else is complicated and difficult and scary and dark, there is a bright mote of joy in this sip of spicy soup. And in the next one. And the next. I enjoy it, i love it, all the more that it is new, and if i had given up four years ago, i never would have known this small joy, this new favorite tiny thing.
Who knows what other little joys i may find?
If you have come to a place in life where you have lost the knowledge of how to feel joy, it is important to remember that feeling joy is like anything else in life. The more you practice, the better you get, the more of it you can do at higher levels.
And there are only so many minutes in the day. The more of them you spend acknowledging what feels good, the less of them will be left for feeling bad.
you can't escape the darkness by fleeing from it, but you can find the light by moving toward it.
Chop Wood Fetch Water
Another thing i learned was a truth about the exercise advice you always hear.
For where i am in my recovery now, common exercise has very little impact. I don't really get the endorphins people talk about, and i don't tend to feel better about myself after i work out unless i already feel pretty okay about myself to begin with. i don't mean to say there is no point in me exercising, but, i walk about ten miles a day holding onto 8 energetic dogs and i do a fair amount of lifting and bending and stuff for my job, and it's fine but it's not, like, doing a whole lot for me at this point in my recovery (tho i do think more recreational exercise will come back into play a stage or two on in my healing process)
HOWEVER
There was a year there where i was only getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. When i was only able to force myself to eat just enough each day to stay alive because i'd made a promise to myself, and that promise was almost all i had left.
and the right kind of exercise is what pulled me out of that.
the RIGHT kind.
See, someone close to me needed help with a physical job. That was an important part and why this method is known historically as some variation of Chop Wood Carry Water -- it's intensely physical, which is important, but also, it helps the people around you. These days our personal communities tend to not need wood copped and water carried the same way. But you can get the same effect helping someone move all their furniture, doing all the yard work for your friends and/or family, volunteering for a charity that builds housing for homeless people, SOMEthing physically taxing that helps people.
In my case, my aging father needed help re-shingling the roof. So i promised i'd help.
So i got up every morning because he was expecting me. And i climbed the ladder because he would see me if i didn't. And i lifted and carried and hammered and worked hard. It took a week of six to eight hour days.
Right away, the fact that it was helping someone else made it not matter so much that it didn't feel like it was helping me at first. I couldn't deny that i was doing something good, that my existence had positive meaning, however small.
But very soon, it changed something fundamental in my state of depression. You can't do physical labor in the sun 7 hours a day without drinking a bunch of water. Without working up an appetite. Without getting very tired at the end of the day.
See, i had been struggling to make myself drink enough water, i was fighting to make myself eat even one small meal's worth of food each day, and i couldn't get a good night's sleep to save my life. And these things all made my depression much much worse. You think you get sad or angry from skipping a meal, consider being chronically undernourished. You think your mental state is worse after pulling an all nighter, think about what never getting a good night's sleep does.
But a couple days into this job with my father, and suddenly i was hydrated, i was eating full meals, and i was sleeping soundly at night.
THAT is what pulled me out of that deepest part of my depression.
So in a way, it was exercise that saved me. But not how people often say "have you tried exercising?" More like pushing myself physically to the point that my body demanded the things that previously i couldn't get it to want for itself.
Instead of forcing myself to eat i was craving food. Instead of staying up to all hours and then tossing and turning, i was physically exhausted and slept early and hard. (and, weirdly, being physically exhausted was somehow a relief from being emotionally/mentally exhausted)
Lastly
Healing often isn't noticeable while you're doing it
"healing is a process" is something you hear a lot, but i think it's more helpful to say something like
"Healing is like growing your hair out from short to long. You can look in the mirror every day and not notice it happening. And even when you can tell for sure it's longer than it was, you still can't really do anything with it, and it may seem pointless. But then one day you can tie it back in a ponytail and you realize how much it's grown and how many options are open to you now and you're really glad you stuck with it"
Now excuse me while i go meditate on the joys of my remaining spicy soup.
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