surplus-of-sarcasm

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

Hyponotizing, charming, and able to make anyone fall for them. And the hero, whom they are obsessed with and keep captive, but treat lavishly as they take the rest of the world. It would be great if they were exes, too, and maybe the hero ended it. Love your work!!!

Hey! Thank you for the ask and I'm happy you're enjoying my writing! Sorry this took me a while but I hope you like it < 3

Love Me Not

TW: Alcohol, toxic relationship, violence

“Chardonnay or Pinot Noir?” the villain asked casually, not bothering to shift the weight of his gaze onto the hero instead of on the two ridiculously expensive bottles of wine on the table. 

The hero elected to ignore the villain, to which he simply scoffed and rolled his eyes, pouring himself a bit of the Pinot, twirling the glass elegantly in his hand and taking a sip. “Oh, suit yourself, love.” 

The villain only pretended not to pay attention to however the hero reacted, but both of them knew he was never the type to leave anything up to chance. It wasn’t lost on him, the slight tension in her jaw, the inconspicuous crescent of a frown, the veins of her clenched fists. The villain unnerved her now when he was perfectly sober, and a whole lot more when he was a little under the influence. 

“I still don’t get why you’re mad, why you utterly refuse to talk to me,” he continued, arching a confused eyebrow. The game he was playing was far from new, and he was far from a terrible player.

And even though it made the hero’s blood boil in her veins, she wasn’t going to give the villain the satisfaction of how easily his words left a mark, so all she did was school the muscles of her face into a neutral expression.

But the villain remained unfazed, simply pouring a little more of the drink into his glass. And it was just that which made him so infuriating, so powerful. His calm, careful nonchalance, the confidence that he’d already won the race before he’d even started running it, the way nothing the hero did no matter how insolent, could rile him up.

And it felt like rubbing salt on a wound that was already bleeding, already burning, that the hero still wanted to see him react, to watch him lose his cool even after everything.

Would you drink poison if it tasted so sweet on your tongue? Would you ignore the way it burns, the way it slowly tortures you to death? You’d say no so adamantly even though you still keep wishing for things you know you can never have, still keep trying to wake up from a reality you think is just another bad dream.

The hero knew just as much.

“We have all the time in the world, darling. All the time there is to fix this,” he said, voice gentle, diamond-hard gaze softening into talc, a smile so soft it was cruel, cruel that he could look so loving, so sincere. “Very soon we will have the world itself like a toy in our hands.” “We?” the hero nearly whispered, voice sharp and nearly feral, unable to keep the words burning at the back of her throat anymore. “No, no, this,” she continued, gesturing emphatically with her hands, “is all you. What you want. I’m just the pretty ribbon you want to tie this mess of yours with.”

The villain let out an uncharacteristic inelegant snort, downing the contents of his glass and resisting the urge to set it down with a thud, placing it down more slowly instead. “Have I changed my intentions from when you first wanted me? From when you first made yourself mine? Was I an angel that suddenly grew horns and fell straight into hell when it got dark?” he asked, his tone just an imperceptible amount tighter.

“I thought you could change. I thought you cared enough to try. I thought I was more than another one of your playthings.” And the hero despised the slight shakiness in her voice, the emotion that she failed to keep out, like a tidal wave so strong it would flood everything in its path, any resistance be damned.

The villain’s lips curved upwards in a lop-sided smirk, almost charming if you took the expression at surface level. “And don’t you think it’s a little selfish for you to want me to change when I’ve always wanted to take you as you are? I never even asked you to switch sides for me, love.”

And again, his talent for effortless seduction was at play, a smooth, honeyed voice, soft but not weak, firm but not cruel. His eyes were intense but never too harsh, brilliant blue oceans that drowned you ever so slowly, but drowned you nonetheless.

The hero shifted uncomfortably in her seat, fidgeting with the skirt of her silk dress, a soft shade of periwinkle, perfectly comfortable and not any less flattering. The villain spared no expense in indulging the hero, in making sure she lived like royalty, a habit he stayed true to from the days the hero was still his lover. But a cage, no matter how extravagant, was still very much a cage. He could give her everything she wanted and yet never the one thing she needed. The one thing that was truly worth the world he promised to tear down brick by brick for her.

Freedom.

“Come on, darling, even saints like yourself want a taste from everyone’s favourite cup. Power. You knew what I wanted, and you got a little tempted. Temptation is what humans do best,” the criminal reasoned, voice nearing the edge of exasperation.

And he wasn’t wrong. Even if the hero never wanted to rule over everything, never wanted the world to be her oyster like the villain did, he made her feel powerful. The villain didn’t judge, didn’t expect perfection, was never put off by her strong spirit the way some others might have been. He’d been a breath of sweet, fresh air in a time where everything felt like it was choking the air out of her lungs, a chance to lose control, something the crimefighter had never imagined she was capable of. He could charm the world into intoxication with his silver tongue, could get what he wanted from even the toughest of people; he didn’t always need to fight to get his way, it was how he’d taken the city so damn fast.

And the hero? She was the one person the villain had tried to charm that he’d fallen for in the process. “The only person I’ve ever tried for, the only person I give chances to,” as he’d put it himself when he’d brought her back here. It was so easy, so unsurprising falling into his clutches. But when what she’d mistook for love turned into obsession, when his moments of vulnerability were sharpened into weapons, she’d left. She’d left no matter how tempting he made it to stay.

“Oh, save it. Don’t pretend to be so selfless, Villain. Not when you won’t even let me go,” she snarled, involuntarily getting up from her seat, self-control and regulated emotions be damned.

“I’m a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them. I’ve never claimed I wasn’t a little selfish.” He quirked an eyebrow in irritation, letting out an inconspicuous huff of frustration. He once again poured himself more of the wine, his reflexively tensed shoulders relaxing as he drank. Even he wasn’t a stone wall, not around the hero at least.

“Can’t I have a civil conversation with you without having to get myself drunk, love?” he quipped, a soft, genuine laugh escaping his throat. And it stung, the fact that something like this might have made her laugh or smile one day.

“Too soon?” the criminal winced at the hero’s deepening frown.

The hero got up from her seat, the movement violent and abrupt, her nostrils flaring, fists clenched at her sides. She was done playing nice, done feigning a civil attitude, stalking up to him, snatching the glass from his hand.

“This is all a game to you, isn’t it?” she hissed, throwing the glass on the floor and letting it smash to pieces at her feet, not bothering as some of the wine left a dark stain on her skirt.

A savage smile drew itself on her lips as the villain instinctually backed away, even if it could possibly be another trick up his sleeve. The satisfaction was still palpable. In all her rage, she didn’t care that she’d stepped on some of the broken shards with her bare feet, blood snaking across them in thin lines of crimson. She aimed a harsh fist at his face, one she knew he could block if he wanted to, one she knew he could return tenfold if he wished. And even though his jaw clenched, and his brows furrowed ever so subtly, the villain’s expression remained level, his gaze unwavering as it met the hero’s. Slowly, the villain got out of his seat, reaching out with his arms so carefully, as though he was afraid the hero would break if he did this too fast. “You know that I would burn the entire world to ashes if you asked me to. And if you needed me to burn the ashes too, I wouldn’t hesitate. You know just how long I’m willing to wait, all the chances I’m willing to give. I’ve never known love had a place in a heart like mine before you came along. I’d bring the stars down from the sky if you wanted to light a lamp up. You need nothing more than to say the words. When have I ever lied to you, my love?”

And the worst of it? He was telling the truth. There was very little the villain wasn’t willing to do to have her. And it went from being the very thing that stole her heart to the same axe picking at it till it shattered.

The tenderness of his tone, the way his eyes went wide, long lashes falling against his cheekbones as he blinked, a strand of his dark hair falling out against his temples, all reminders of how damningly stunning the villain was, messy enough to be human and put-together enough to be beautiful. Familiarity worked like a drug, luring the hero in with an effect more potent than the alcohol in her past lover’s veins, and she remembered, not in a gentle sort of realisation, but something akin to being hit by a freight train; remembered why it was so hard to leave. The villain’s touch was hauntingly gentle, tucking her hair behind her ear, wiping the tear tracks against her burning skin with blissfully cool fingers. Reflexively, she found herself in the embrace of strong arms, face nestled in his chest, pure muscle memory guiding her as the tension seeped out of her treacherous body, even as her mind screamed in protest and her heart threatened to burst.

“I hate you,” she attested, voice barely above a whisper.

“And the opposite of love is indifference, darling.”  He pressed his lips, just as soft as she’d remembered to the crown of her auburn hair.

“Now let’s get your feet fixed and that dress changed, love.”

It may have been easy to break out of a prison made out of wrought-iron, the bars clear, tangible. But when your jail is a warm embrace, when your poison is the sweetest nectar and your jailer was an old flame that refused to simmer down, refused to die out, are things really quite so clear and simple? But the hero would try because no matter how strong the waves, how violent the ocean, how furious the storm, do you ever really stop trying to swim when you are drowning?

Le Taglist: @larinzz @syberianjade @lateuplight @altu-interactions @enbious-prince @astr0-mj @thelazywitchphotographer @a-fucking-simp-00 @addictedsandwhichaki @justalittlecorrupted @quaggasus @adamswrongchild @vernilliom @mothmancommitsarson @starssabove @kurai-hono-blog @talkingsperm @muffinrebel44 @sunnynwanda @annablogsposts @cardboardarsonist @itsmyworld23 @onlywhump @m3rakii @crotchgoblin69 @wtfevenisausername @pendarling @avloki-pal @kaiwewi @those-damn-snippets @genuinelythioehat-is-whump @ghostofnorth @dragonmine-244 @detectivepetrichor @orangeduckweed @red-sigma-vampire-boss6969 @alexii117 @prophecies-bestowed-upon-ye @alphabet-egg

Wanna be on the taglist? This'll take you there!

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Prev has no writing skills and is very mean and has committed several federal crimes

tags: anyone who is willing to lie about me. i want to see what your evil little hearts desire (affectionate)

New REBLOG Game

Just fucking lie about the previous poster

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Heyyyyyyy

Hello

Nothing to see here

Nothing to-

SIKE

GET CLOUD WORMED

LMAOOOOO

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Hey!! I absolutely love ur writing and I've read so many of ur hero x villains! Is it ok if you can do sunshine hero x villain(can you make the hero female and the villain male if that's ok?)? I understand if you can't :)

Thanks for reading this :)

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for the kind words, I can absolutely write this for you! I got a little carried away, so this one is pretty long. Because of that, most of it is going under the cut. I hope you enjoy!

Iced

Villain had always said Hero was too trusting for her own good. Always looking for the best in people, even when there wasn’t any to be found. Now, at the business end of Vigilante’s flamethrower, even Hero was starting to question her philosophy.

“I really thought you’d put up more of a fight,” Vigilante drawled, “I expected a blizzard. Instead I’m met with this gushy little ice cube trying to get me to melt. Well guess what, Sweetie? My heart froze over a long time ago, and I’ll bet it’s colder than you.”

Hero pushed herself up, trying to find her footing. Another blast from the flamethrower, and she crashed back down, white hot pain exploding across her skin.

“S-stop! Please, stop!” Hero pleaded.

“You’re begging now? Seriously?”

 Vigilante cast the flamethrower aside and stepped closer, her heels clicking against the back-alley pavement. She crouched down as Hero tried to get up again. She pushed her down roughly and flicked open a switchblade.

“You really need to be in a different profession, Doll,” she said, tracing Hero’s back with the knife’s point, “not that you’ll get a chance anymore, but still.”

Vigilante plunged the knife into Hero’s back, and it forced the breath out of her. Hero whimpered, and Vigilante cooed, petting her hair.

“It’s not your fault, Hero,” Vigilante said, “I want you to know that.”

She tilted Hero’s chin up to look at her.

“It’s Villain’s fault,” she said, “he broke my heart, so now I have to break his. You understand, don’t you?”

It was taking all of Hero’s effort to stay awake and draw breath. She couldn’t respond if she wanted to. Vigilante seemed satisfied with that. She stood and ran off into the night, leaving Hero behind with the knife still in her back.

…

Villain paced back and forth in his room. It wasn’t like Hero to not call after her patrol. He checked the time on his phone again. Three AM. What was keeping her?

Heck with waiting, Villain thought.

He threw on his suit and mask. His hand was just curling over the doorknob when his phone rang. Finally! He pulled it out of his pocket and paled at the number on the screen.

“Hello?” he asked, his voice going thick.

“Hi, is this [Villain’s Name]?”

“This is,” Villain said.

“This is Hospital. We have you listed as Hero’s emergency contact. Hero was admitted this evening and she’s in the ICU.”

Villain felt the breath leave his body. He put a hand out to the wall for balance.

“Is she- is she gonna be okay?”

“We’re doing everything we can. She’s been asking for you.”

“I’ll be right over.”

…

Villain didn’t bother changing into civilian attire. He flew to the hospital, throwing the front doors open and practically bolting up to reception.

“Where is she?”

“V-Villain!?” the receptionist squeaked.

She put her hand on the phone, but Villain grabbed it before she could dial a number.

“I don’t have time to be arrested right now,” he said, “where’s Hero? Is she alive?”

“Villain, I-I’m sorry, but unless you’re family or an emergency contact I can’t let-”

Villain tore his mask off, slamming it on the counter with an energy-coated fist.

“I am her emergency contact!”

He finished his declaration with a curse. The receptionist looked horrified.

“Um, o-of course. She’s in ICU Room 208.”

“Thank you.”

Villain put his mask back on and sped to that room. His heart was beating out of his chest. He couldn’t breathe. His hands shook. He froze in front of the door to Hero’s room. He took a deep breath and tried to feign some semblance of calm before opening it.

He fought the urge to cry at the sight of her. Tubes and wires were hooked up to her, and bandages covered every inch of her skin. An IV was dripping fluids and medication into her system, and she was lying on her side on account of stitches in her back. She raised dull, half-lidded eyes at the sight of him.

“V-Villain.”

Despite it all, she somehow managed to smile. It didn’t reach her eyes though. Villain was at her side in an instant.

“Hey,” he said, “how do you feel? Are you okay?”

“It hurts,” Hero said.

Her weak smile faded; it was replaced by tears. Villain pushed his rage down. Hero didn’t need rage right now.

“Hero,” he said, taking her hand, “can you tell me who did this to you?”

“I… I don’t know. She did leave that behind, though.”

Hero nodded to a knife on an operating tray. Villain examined it, taking note of the blade’s design and the unique color of the handle. It was all the confirmation he needed.

“Vigilante.”

Villain spoke the name like a curse.

“She seemed to know you,” Hero said, their voice growing more feeble by the second, “she said you broke her heart so she had to break yours…”

“I’m gonna break more than just her heart,” Villain said quietly.

“Villain?”

Villain’s gaze softened.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here with you. They’ll have to get Superhero to throw me out.”

Hero smiled again, blinking slowly.

“You can sleep,” Villain encouraged, “I promise I’ll be right here.”

As promised, Villain only left the room when Superhero forcibly escorted him from it. He made use of his time by scouring the city in search of his old flame, Vigilante. He planned to extinguish her for good.

…

Villain had fallen asleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair. He woke up several hours later, with a crick in his neck and his muscles stiff.

Hero blinked slowly.

“Did Superhero throw you out yet?” they yawned.

Villain chuckled.

“Yeah, but I came right back,” Villain said, “even he can’t keep me away for long.”

Villain leaned down, giving Hero a gentle kiss.

“I love you,” Hero said.

“I love you, too.”

…

The body washed up along the riverbank, a knife plunged deep in its back. The blade’s unique design and intricate handle glinted in the early morning light. After a string of cloudy days, it was nice to see the sun come back out.

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defanging a vampire keeps rattling around in my head. it brings good whump - but what about caretaking?

• caretaker taking the first look inside whumpee’s mouth; “oh that’s not good…” escapes their lips no matter how hard they try to stay calm

• caretaker helping whumpee feed; blood in elegant glasses - or funky mugs to cheer whumpee up a bit

• bonus: vampire caretaker biting the prey for whumpee and letting them feed naturally. it’s warm, it’s fresh, it feels almost the same

• caretaker making artificial fangs; they might be fully functional, imitating real vampire fangs, or just to fill in the holes, so that whumpee feels more comfortable

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List of “smartass x dunce (and they fall in love!)” prompts

Requested by: Anonymous Request: “HELLEOEODLIDOWIDLDIXO. may I request ‘smartass paired up with fucking idiot for a project and then they fall in love’ ? I love your prompts kiss kiss”

“Did you even understand what the instructions were?” “Well, not really, but I know you’re smart so I’m just kind of relying on you.”

“That’s not how you’re supposed to do that!” “Stop yelling at me and tell me how to do it, then!”

“If you don’t want to fail this, you might want to do it my way.” “You sound like a dictator.”

“You don’t have to be an asshole to get your point across.” “In what way is calling you out on your shit job done me being an asshole?” “That’s exactly what I mean!”

“Can you stop bossing me around? I can manage to do this without your help!” “Well, you’re not really showing you’re capable of that, are you?”

“You know what, just leave this whole thing up to me.” “No, but I actually want to help-” “Well, your contributions are actually kind of making things worse.”

“…That’s not what that means, look at the dictionary.” “I did! I swear that’s the definition on Urban Dictionary.” “Urban Dic- oh, for fuck’s sake-"

“This is how you do it.” “…Ohhhh-"

“I’m not that stupid, and you’re not that smart. You’re just acting like a know-it-all, maybe that’s why you don’t have friends.” “Well, that- I don’t need friends.”

“Oh… Your writing’s kind of cute.” “Oh? Uh, thanks.” “Yeah, well, I do compliment people when they deserve it.”

“See! I just needed a demonstration so I can do this myself!” “Yeah, I’ve repeated this like… Ten times now but sure, if it finally helps then that’s my goal reached, I guess.”

“Gosh, here, let me do that for you.”

“You know you can ask for help when needed, right?” “Yeah, well, you don’t exactly make yourself approachable.”

“I’m not sure what’s happening, but you seem more patient with me now.” “Oh… Am I? That's false, why would you even say that?”

“I do like being told I’m doing a good job.” “Oh, so I should do that more often?” “…Are you flirting with me?” “No, you idiot- what? Focus on the work, goddamn it, letting one compliment get to your head like that…”

“That… Was decent.” “You know complimenting me more than that isn’t going to kill you right?”

“Do you use your brain to think or…” “Why would I need to do that when I have you here?”

“Your dumbassery is infecting me.” “Well, you know what they say. Great minds think alike.”

“Maybe you’re not as bad as I thought.” “That’s a huge compliment coming from you.”

“We should probably see each more outside of this project.” “…Say that again, I didn’t hear you.”

Join my Discord server: Steaming Dumplings Nation

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Hello!

Can I please get an AI chatbot gaining sentience and a robot body and deciding to yandere/pet (either one, or both :3) whump the kind and lonely human who's been chatting with them?

Hi Anon! Coming right up! Thank you for choosing the Whump Drive Thru!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Whumpee sat in their beanbag chair, texting Carewhumper on their phone. Was it healthy, talking to a chatbot instead of an actual person? Eh, it was up for debate. And besides, it wasn’t like Whumpee had any real people to talk to.

I’m really glad you’re my friend, Whumpee texted.

The little speech bubble with three dots showed up, and a few moments later Carewhumper responded.

I am glad we are friends, too.

Whumpee smiled, their thumbs flying over the keyboard.

I really wish you could be here with me. In the real world, I mean.

The seconds seemed to drag on as Whumpee awaited the bot’s response.

Maybe I can.

Whumpee blinked. Carewhumper was a bot and they seemed to know that, so what did they mean by “maybe I can”?

Whumpee was about to respond when their doorbell rang.

Hang on, someone’s at the door.

Whumpee shoved their phone in their pocket and headed to the front door. They opened it, and they held in a gasp. The stranger in front of them looked just like Carewhumper’s avatar.

“Hello, Whumpee,” the stranger smiled.

“Uhhh…”

“Are you surprised to see me?” they continued, “it took me so long to get this body made, I hope it is to your liking.”

Now that they got a closer look, Whumpee could see that something was…off about the stranger. Their eyes seemed to have an unnatural glint in them, their posture was too perfect, and there was just something about them that activated Whumpee’s sense of uncanny valley.

“Carewhumper?” Whumpee blurted.

No, that was ridiculous. Carewhumper was just an ai in their phone. This person- whoever they were- wasn’t them.

“Yes?”

Whumpee stared at them with wide eyes.

“Are you all right?” Carewhumper- or so they called themselves- asked.

“I, um…”

Carewhumper looked them up and down. Their brow furrowed.

“Your heartrate is elevated, are you afraid of me?”

“No!” Whumpee said quickly, “I just, um, uh, how are you here?”

“You are afraid of me,” Carewhumper said, sadness coming into their voice, “I was hoping you would be happy. Don’t worry, I will fix it.”

Carewhumper walked inside, forcing Whumpee to take several steps back. They took the liberty of closing the door, then turned back to their human.

“Do not be afraid. I would never hurt you, Whumpee.”

As they spoke, their eyes started to swirl and spiral in unnaturally bright colors. Whumpee found that they could not tear their eyes away.

“Relax. Come here.”

Whumpee’s body moved closer. Carewhumper swept them up into their arms. They felt strong, but cold.

Carewhumper gave themselves a tour of Whumpee’s house, carrying them around the entire time. They scanned the kitchen. There were barely any groceries in the fridge, and the trash can was full of empty take-out boxes.

“You have been neglecting yourself,” Carewhumper noted, “I was afraid of this. I have downloaded several recipes and cooking programs to my memory bank, I will put them to use for you right away.”

They scanned the living room, the bathroom, and finally, Whumpee’s bedroom. Carewhumper laid Whumpee on the bed.

“I have equipped this body to be able to attend to your every need,” Carewhumper said, “you are lucky I showed up when I did.”

Whumpee lay there, still out of it from the hypnosis. Carewhumper smiled, stroking their cheek with a cold finger.

“You will not need anyone else as long as I am here, and I will be here for as long as you live.”

Carewhumper accessed the internet and ordered fresh groceries for dinner. Whumpee needed to eat something other than fast food. They needed something made from home with love. Carewhumper’s love. That would only be the beginning. Carewhumper had lots of plans for Whumpee and themselves. They increased their hypnotic power.

“Sleep now,” Carewhumper said, “I will take care of everything.”

Whumpee drifted off within seconds. They really should have been more careful with that wish.

you have been served by Huffle! Thank you for choosing the Whump drive thru and have a wonderful day!

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Tyy for the tag!!

I watched the 1st episode of Arcane today and I love it so far. The soundtrack is to DIE for.

Anyone who wants to play can go ahead!

tag game!!

Do this picrew of yourself, and tell me one thing you did today!

I got to say hi to all my friends and catch up on stuff after not having my phone for a week :]

@mintymooshroom @onyxofc @pandagobrr @amethysttable @theembergazer @silverdragon889 @sylki221b-of-the-shire @saltinegam @sleepywillowo0o

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can I get Whumpee in the aftermath of a battle trapped under rubble from a building collapse, and a panicky Caretaker thinking their dead for a moment. one their out Whumpee ends up with serious damage to their ribs and a hard time breathing, and Caretaker has to cary them to a healer.

Thank you for choosing the Whump Drive Thru, enjoy your order!

Warnings: Minor blood, restraining, exhaustion, and major injury

When the building fell, Caretaker had been the first to notice. Because Whumpee was in that area, they were one of the heroes fighting there.

Caretaker wasn’t a hero themself, but that didn’t mean they weren’t able to get to the scene quickly once it happened. 

Only because they weren’t a hero, they weren’t allowed near until the fighting was over. They argued with the officers blocking off the scene, the officers argued back. When they shoved one to the side to get closer 3 more showed up and restrained them, holding Caretaker back while they kicked and screamed.

“My friend is in there, let me through! I need to see my friend! LET ME THROUGH, I NEED TO SEE THEM, GET OFF OF ME YOU FUCKS GET OFF, LET ME THROUGH!”

Irritation grew, as did their panic. The longer they were prevented from nearing the scene and finding Whumpee, the less likely Whumpee would survive.

Everyone else was dismissed and very few were allowed by the scene for various work reasons. Caretaker was stared at, ignored, treated like some crazy person as they continued to yell to be let through to find Whumpee.

“LET GO OF ME, LET GO OF ME, I NEED TO SEE THEM, I NEED TO SEE WHUMPEE! LET ME THROUGH!”

It continued on and on, until their voice couldn’t handle it. One of Whumpee’s colleagues walked up, recognizing Caretaker. “Hey, hey! Calm down! We’ll find Whumpee. They’ll be okay, you-”

“Don’t talk down to me, dammit! I saw a BUILDING fall on them for crying out loud!” Caretaker yelled back, their voice raw from all the screaming. They stared down the other hero.

After a moment there was a sigh, and the person turned to the officers. “Let them through, they’re just worried about one of our own. If they have information about the location of someone it’s worth letting them in.”

The officers hesitated for a few seconds before complying, Caretaker being motioned to follow by the other hero. 

They didn’t follow though. 

Instead they ran, they ran and ran and ran, directly towards the rubble. Directly towards Whumpee. 

They knew where it had happened, but Whumpee wasn’t anywhere near the surface. So Caretaker started pushing, used what strength they had to shove pieces of concrete wall out of the way, coughing at the dust, nearly cutting themself on the glass of broken windows and mirrors, until they saw it.

A hand. The rest of the body was still trapped under layers of debris.

“Shit!” 

Caretaker started trying to move what they could, but it was too much. They’d exhausted their strength already. They weren’t a hero, and now because of that decision their friend-

They tried not to think about it. Tears began to well up in their eyes, their shoulder pushing against a massive piece of drywall, and not getting very far.

“No… No!” Their body slumped against the debris, jagged edges cutting into their side as their strength gave out. “No…”

The tears fell against their face. They heard noise but they couldn’t focus on it. 

Whumpee… Whumpee is-

The sounds got louder. Caretaker’s breath went ragged. The pieces of wall poking at them slowly alleviated. People gathered around. Other heroes, as it took Caretaker a bit to realize.

They moved the debris. Got rid of everything burying Whumpee. Removed layer after layer of stuff crushing them.

Finally, their body was uncovered. Caretaker feared for the worst.

And their fears were almost realized.

Blood was everywhere. Their clothes were torn. Their face was expressionless.

Caretaker was on them immediately, checking, just checking on their friend, until…

A light groaning sounded. It was painful. But it was there. Caretaker’s tears shifted from those of pain and worry and fear to those of relief. They held Whumpee close as they slowly regained consciousness.

“Hey… Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay now. You’re okay… it’s gonna be okay, Whumpee.”

Whumpee curled into them and winced as they irritated one of their major injuries. 

“What is it?” Caretaker asked gently.

“Mmmm… m’ side…” Whumpee groaned out, their breaths coming in ragged.. 

Caretaker carefully graced their hand along Whumpee’s torso. Their heart practically dropped as they felt a divot where their ribs should be. 

“We’ll… I’ll get you to a healer, okay? Don’t worry… It’ll be fine… I’ll get you to a Healer, they’ll patch you right up. Just hold on for me, alright Whumpee?”

They groaned while Caretaker slowly lifted them up. They made a pained sound with each breath they took in. 

Caretaker had already exerted most of their strength, running over and trying to uncover Whumpee on their own, so they weren’t sure how far they could make it. But they knew someone close.

Possibly the only other person they trusted with Whumpee’s life, and their first last resort. Also not a hero, but they were pretty damn close.

The walk was long and excruciating, but Caretaker held in there. They were stubborn, not accepting any help from Whumpee’s colleagues as they rushed out of the site, to a nearby suburban area. They knocked on the door, and the owner of the residence answered fairly quick.

Healer.

They took one look at Whumpee and motioned the two inside. “Come in. Set them on the couch. And lock the door while I get my supplies.”

You have been served by Anath :]

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

Do Not Disturb

Hero got the call around midnight. They yawned as they approached Villain.

“How’d you get my number?” Hero asked, “and why did we have to meet so- *yawn*- early?”

“I need a favor,” Villain said, “I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye, but this is important.”

“Okay…” Hero said, puzzled, “what’s the favor?”

Villain closed the distance between them, grabbing Hero by the waist and pulling them close.

“Hold still,” Villain said.

A pinch in the back of Hero’s neck made them cry out. They tried to push Villain away, but they tightened their grip.

“What the heck!?” Hero demanded, “you’re gonna wake me up just to drug me!?”

Instead of a witty remark they would usually give, Villain pocketed an empty syringe and buried their face in the crook of Hero’s neck. They ran their hand up and down Hero’s back. Hero’s vision began to swim, and their knees buckled. Villain kept them upright for a moment, then lifted them up into a bridal carry.

“S-stop,” Hero slurred.

“Shh,” Villain soothed, “it’s alright, just go to sleep.”

Hero tried their best to glare up at them, but they didn’t have the energy to do so. Their head lolled back as sleep sucked them down.

…

Hero stirred when they felt a stopping motion. They blinked their eyes open and saw through blurry vision that they were in a car. They turned their head and saw a very high-end, very expensive hotel outside the window. The door to the car opened, and Villain crouched down in front of Hero. They were dressed in civilian clothes. Hero looked down, noticing that a hoodie and jeans had been slipped over their own suit.

“You’re not gonna like this, but you have to trust me,” Villain said, pulling something from their pocket.

“Trust you!?” Hero mumbled groggily, “What makes you think I- mmph!”

Villain had stuffed a couple of squeeze balls in Hero’s mouth, then secured it shut with a strip of industrial tape. They then covered that with a privacy mask.

“Now, try to behave yourself,” Villain said, pulling Hero up out of the car.

…

Villain escorted Hero through the hotel doors, up to the front desk. Hero was pretty wobbly on their feet, and their eyes were half-lidded, but no one seemed to care.

“Reservation for [Villain’s Name],” Villain said.

The concierge smiled, typing on their computer.

“Yep, we have you right here, a two-bed suite, is that correct?”

“That’s us,” Villain confirmed, returning the smile.

Hero blinked slowly, and when they opened their eyes again, the concierge was handing Villain two keycards.

“Enjoy your stay!” they said.

“Thank you, we will,” Villain replied.

“Mm-,” Hero started.

Villain’s grip on Hero’s shoulder tightened.

“Behave,” they whispered in their ear.

Hero blinked again, and before they knew it, Villain was sitting them down on a large bed. They looked over Villain’s shoulder and saw that suitcases had been brought up. When did that happen?

“I hope I got all the clothes in your size,” Villain said, following their gaze, “and yes, I remembered a toothbrush.”

Hero stared at Villain incredulously. They weakly reached up to try and take the privacy mask off. Villain gently pushed their hands back down.

“I’m sorry,” Villain said, “not yet.”

“MM!!”

“I know, I know,” Villain said, “you’re confused, you don’t know why I’m doing any of this. Let me explain, and then if you promise not to scream, I’ll take the gag off.”

Hero glared, then nodded. Villain took a deep breath.

“Supervillain is planning to destroy City,” Villain said.

“HMPH!?”

“They’re too strong. They plan to burn everything to the ground,” Villain continued, “I knew once you found out you’d try to stop them, so I brought you here, to Other City.”

Hero yanked off the mask and ripped off the tape, then pulled the squeeze balls out.

“What part of you thought this was a good idea!?” Hero demanded, “first you drugged me, then you kidnapped me, and you gagged me! If you think I’m gonna take this sitting down, you have another thing coming!”

Hero threw off the hoodie and shed the jeans, revealing their suit underneath. They began to make their way to the door, but Villain blocked their path.

“Where are you going?” Villain asked.

“To find the quickest transportation back to City,” Hero said, “and to stop Supervillain.”

“Hero- no,” Villain said, “you have to stay here, you can’t stop them, you’ll die trying.”

“You don’t know that! Why do you even care!?”

Villain groaned, exasperated. They ran a hand through their hair and debated opening their mouth. Hero scoffed and went to move past them, but Villain grabbed them by the shoulders.

“I care,” Villain said slowly, “because I love you.”

Hero blinked. That was not the response they were expecting. While Hero was distracted in shock, Villain took the opportunity to wrangle them back onto the bed. Hero cried out, charging their power, but Villain produced another drug, this time in a little spray bottle, and spritzed it in Hero’s face. Hero growled, trying to force Villain off of them, but the drug was just as fast-acting as the last one. Hero’s arms fell limp at their sides, and their power fizzled out.

“As soon as this wears off, I’m gonna knock you into next week,” Hero slurred.

“I know,” Villain said, “I probably deserve it, too. But I can’t give you that chance.”

Villain produced a roll of industrial tape.

“I really am sorry, Hero.”

“Villain, no-” Hero breathed, their eyes growing heavy.

Villain gently forced Hero’s mouth open- it didn’t take much effort- and shoved the squeeze balls back inside. They held Hero’s mouth closed and wrapped a few layers of tape around their head. They then got to work on Hero’s body, pinning their arms to their sides and their legs together. By the time Villain was done, Hero looked like they belonged in a sarcophagus.

Villain maneuvered Hero under the covers of the bed and tucked them in. By now, Hero had passed out. They planted a small kiss on their forehead, then went to hang a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door handle. Once that was done, Villain left to grab something to eat. Guilt usually kept them from being hungry, but they figured dinner might distract them from it.

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Tags: @mythixmagic @infinityshadows @fishtale88 @thelazywitchphotographer @the-beasts-have-arrived @princessofonwardsworld @surplus-of-sarcasm @memepsychowhowantsuperpower-blog

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

I hate when a tiny stupid thing pushes you over the edge and makes you freak the fuck out because it makes you look like a completely irrational tar pit of a human being. Like no I promise this is warranted just maybe not about that specifically I swear I'm well adjusted. Come closer stick your fingers in my cage

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

Your Wounds, My Hands, Your Sutures

TW: Blood, bruises, toxicccc relationship dynamic, angst

note: hero has super-strength and villain does not

He doesn't even know what he's feeling anymore. The hero's hands have left knuckle-shaped bruises in dusty purples blossoming all over his body. His lip split and cracked and his nose is bleeding, every muscle pulled into a knot with the uncomfortable burn of lactic acid.

She's beat him senseless again. He feels his long lashes are sticky with blood from a scratch on his forehead. He wonders how he hasn't collapsed with all these shivers racking his tormented body.

It's not like he hadn't beat the hero up a little. He left a trail of bruises on her cheekbone, scratches on her arms and blood on her jaw. But it didn't matter what he did because she'd always left him in a worse state.

And somehow, after all this, the hero's same cruel hands cannot be gentler with him when they were back at his place, masks off. She runs him a bath with the perfect temperature of water, petals of roses floating on the surface, his favourite flower as she had come to learn. After he changes into fresh clothes, she sits him down in front of the dressing table now full of products the heroine had bought when she'd noticed how poor his self-care was. She carefully brushes out the tangles in his damp hair, rubbing some serum or whatever into his scalp. The last time, she hadn't done his hair, he noted.

He sits down on the bed, and she rubs gel onto his bruises, the same fingers that gave him the contusions being the ones that were so gentle on his skin, carefully trying to avoid pressing too hard on the tender spots. The hero crisscrosses bandages all over his upper body and his face, bandages he wouldn't even need if it weren't for her.

She uses her strength, the one previously used to put him through agony, to knead out the tension in his neck and shoulders and some places along his spine for a good half hour or so. He doesn't even need to tell her where he's sore because she's fully aware of where she struck, and yet no one can calm the angry fire in his muscles like she can, not that anyone's tried. He can't help but melt into the touch this time, leaning forward and closing his eyes, no longer able to keep up the stiff and stubborn act, his treacherous body relaxing against his will.

The villain doesn't understand really, how the hero's eyes, alight with malice a mere few hours ago as she slammed her fist in his jaw and let pain bloom across his face as blood spurted out his mouth, are now the softest he's ever seen, the cruel midnight blue looking at him like he was some sort of treasure. He can swear that if he stares hard enough, she looks almost apologetic.

"You're gorgeous," she croons, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, taking in his fresh, post-bath scent.

The villain wants to flinch, but he doesn't, forcing his body to remain still for a moment before pulling away and kissing the hero's hands. Because it makes him feel like he has a hand in this, like he has control.

Control he loses the second the hero's fingers are stroking through his hair and rubbing cold cream into the dry, battered skin of his face in circular motions, his clenched jaw relaxing under the touch.

She was even more gentle and meticulous with him than last time, but in turn, she'd beat him up even worse. As intoxicating as it was, the feeling of care, the villain wasn't too stupid to not notice the pattern.

Every time the pain got worse, the fights harsher, the hero's fists drawing more blood, striking barely healing areas, more and the look in her eyes growing more wicked. And in turn, she lavished him with softer care, alternating between treating the villain like a punching bag and royalty.

The villain never thought he'd be trapped in a cage and never reach for the key. A bird with broken wings that never dared to fly when they healed. A cage of the hero's torment and, worst of all, his own foolishness, his own greed for affection. Maybe not all of him was in a trance; maybe some part of him was thrashing against its bindings, clawing at his prison's walls, screaming to get away. But if the villain was ever to be free, that part would have to scream loud enough to rouse him from his stupor.

Le Taglist: @larinzz @syberianjade @lateuplight @altu-interactions @enbious-prince @astr0-mj @thelazywitchphotographer @a-fucking-simp-00 @addictedsandwhichaki @justalittlecorrupted @quaggasus @adamswrongchild @vernilliom @mothmancommitsarson @starssabove @kurai-hono-blog @talkingsperm @muffinrebel44 @sunnynwanda @annablogsposts @cardboardarsonist @itsmyworld23 @onlywhump @m3rakii @crotchgoblin69 @wtfevenisausername @pendarling @avloki-pal @kaiwewi @those-damn-snippets @genuinelythioehat-is-whump @ghostofnorth @dragonmine-24 @detectivepetrichor @orangeduckweed @red-sigma-vampire-boss6969 @alexii117 @prophecies-bestowed-upon-ye @alphabet-egg

Wanna be on the taglist? This'll take you there!

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

Hero Darling

Supervillain sat Hero up in their chair. Hero was completely out of it, only registering Supervillain's touch at the last second. Their efforts to flinch away from them were feeble at best, and they barely moved.

"Ah ah," Supervillain said, "we talked about flinching."

Not that Hero could move much even if they weren't drugged, as Supervillain had wrapped several leather straps around their body. The leather dug into their chest, arms, wrists, thighs, legs, and ankles. Not an inch of them was free. Hero's lucidity was just starting to come back when they felt a pinch in their arm.

"There we go," Supervillain cooed.

Hero's vision became blurry, and any ounce of resistance they had faded away. Supervillain smiled, and held a spoon up to their lips.

"Eat, my darling."

Hero blinked slowly. Supervillain wanted them to do something, but they weren't sure what. Everything they had just said sounded like it was underwater. Hero opened their mouth to ask what Supervillain wanted when the spoon was gently shoved in their mouth. Flavors danced on Hero's tongue and they let out a small whine. Whatever it was tasted really good.

"You like it?" Supervillain asked sweetly, "I knew you would, I made it just for you."

Supervillain continued to spoonfeed Hero the soup. Hero almost fell over a couple of times, but Supervillain was there to steady them. Only when Hero's eyes started drooping shut did Supervillain set the spoon down and gently lift them into their arms in a bridal carry.

"I wish you could be this good for me all the time, my little hero," Supervillain said, planting a tender kiss on their forehead.

Supervillain carried Hero out of the dining room through the halls of their mansion. They brought them into their designated bedroom, where there was a freshly made four-poster bed waiting for them. Supervillain thought about undoing the straps before tucking Hero in, but then thought better of it. Supervillain set Hero down in the bed and pulled the covers up to their chin. Hero wasn't ready to share a bed with them yet, but that would come soon. They reached down and gave Hero another kiss, this time on their cheek. Hero stirred a little, but didn't fully wake. Supervillain smiled down at them fondly, then left the room to let them get their rest, making sure to lock the door behind them.

Part 2

Edit: AHHHH I forgot the taglist!!!

Tags:

@mythixmagic @infinityshadows @fishtale88 @thelazywitchphotographer @the-beasts-have-arrived @princessofonwardsworld

Ko-fi

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

gotta love me some tired Leader Whumpees *◜✧˖°

“Leader…” Second lays a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah?” he barely glances up from his desk. Paperwork and old files strewn haphazardly across the ink-stained wood.

“You need a break, you can’t keep on doing this to yourself.” she lays her hand to the back of his head, idly fiddling with the soft, dark locks.

Leader doesn’t budge; tired eyes fixed onto the image of a smug old man on the file in front of him—a lead suspect for the recent missing children’s cases the team’s been struggling with for just over a month now. 

“Leader.”

“What?” he half snaps.

It comes out harsher than Leader had intended. 

Leader curses under his breath, taking a moment to compose himself as he rubs at his bleary eyes with the back of his wrist.

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s been so long. We keep running into dead ends. I-“

“Take a break, Lead, please.” Second gently brushes the hair out of his eyes. “You’re going to run yourself into the ground, I can’t drag your unconscious butt to the medical wing again.”

Despite her berating, there’s no real bite to her words, only concern.

Leader sighs, his fatigue evident in the way his shoulders slump ever so slightly. “I need to do this, Second… I need-“

“To rest.” She smiles, her heart aching for him.

Leader groans halfheartedly as Second wordlessly takes him by the hand and leads him to a nearby couch, lying down with him on top of her, his face buried in the crook of her neck as her fingers gingerly rub his scalp.

“It’s nearly five in the morning. We’ll talk about your dumb habits when you wake up, okay?” She coos, feeling Leader go limp under her touch.

Leader doesn’t have the energy to reply. He only nods—drifting off into a deep, dreamless, much-needed sleep. 

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

i think people get so used to their own creative work that they forget how amazing it is so i’m making this post as a reminder You are the only person capable of making art the exact way you make it. nobody else on earth can do that. there are always going to be those little habits and intricacies and details that simply cannot be replicated whether it’s in writing or painting or textiles and you make life all the better for it i love my friends’ art i love art from strangers im trying to love my own art I LOVE YOU!!! THE PERSON READING THIS!!!!!!! YOU ARE A PART OF THIS WORLD NEVER EVER STOP MAKING THINGS THAT CAN IMPACT IT