#state of mind take control
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
ngoumapulcherie · 3 months ago
Video
youtube
State Of Mind - Take Control (M&S Epic Klub Mix)
1 note · View note
puppppppppy · 7 months ago
Text
i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
100 notes · View notes
dykedvonte · 6 months ago
Text
Danse and Hancock work only after blind betrayal because it’s the equivalent of the one closeted person you kinda pity getting kicked out after being outted and you and your like 7 other faggot friends take them in and help them do a 180 on their outlook on life and personal style and get them to weed (possibly grape mentats in this case).
105 notes · View notes
ghostiezone · 6 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
"....Ashe?"
"Who's that?"
short-ish fic under the cut because I had to be in the tranches about this :)
The Wards received the invitation only an hour before they arrived.
i know where to find your friend :)
The crumpled piece of paper looked like it had been drawn in crayon. It was stapled to the front door of their home. Their civilian home.
"Aux-" Failsafe started immediately, but Imprint's hand over his mouth cut off the name before he could finish. The boy wasn't in costume.
Imprint addressed him instead, cautious. "Ashe...?" He lowered his gloved hand from Failsafe's face and stepped forward between his two teammates, slowly, like he was approaching a cornered animal.
Wraith had been a stoic, silent presence since they entered the room, but Failsafe could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves.
The boy sitting on the edge of the desk looked.... young. Younger than he should. The shirt he had been put in was too big for him. Not in the same way his dad's jacket was too big for him- he used that like a turtle shell, something to retreat into, pull over himself like a shield. It was safe, warm, all-encompassing. Despite the issues they knew Ashe and his father had with each other, the love was still there. No, these clothes... they hung loose on his already skinny frame, making him look exposed. Vulnerable. They were monochrome, pale in a way that made him look washed-out, almost ghostly. He sat with his legs crossed, hands holding his ankles. He wasn't wearing shoes. One of the sleeves threatened to slip off his shoulder.
He tilted his head as they entered the room. The movement made Failsafe think of the stray puppies he used to feed in the alley behind their house.
His hair had been washed recently.
Something was very wrong here.
Ashe's face was devoid of all emotion. Though he was looking at the three of them, making eye contact, something seemed... distant. Failsafe reached out with his power and found... nothing.
He felt his heart seize in his chest. He frantically grabbed Imprint's hand before he could take another step forward, and tore his gaze away from Ashe to lock eyes with Wraith He hissed under his breath, he didn't trust his voice not to shake "guys, hes-"
"Breaker state, yeah. I know." Wraith finally broke his silence, voice stony and cold. "Don't get any closer to him."
At the sound of Wraith's voice, Ashe's eyes locked onto him. They were burning with an orange glow.
His head bent further to one side, and his face split into a wide grin that looked almost painful. Failsafe felt Imprint tense, fingers twitching like he was getting ready to reach for a weapon. He squeezed the wrist he was already holding. "Don't. We can't. That's still Ashe."
In that brief moment of distraction, the boy on the desk began to laugh. It was a broken sound, distorted, not like anything they had heard from him before. That deep orange glow in his eyes shone even through his closed eyelids. Wraith's cape billowed as he stepped in front of the other two, barking a clipped "Incoming!" as the space behind the desk began to distort.
Wraith's own warping powers sprang up in response, a translucent blue barrier forming in the air between the wards and their friend. As they watched, unsure of how to act, a rectangular shape began to appear in the air behind where Ashe was sitting, growing clearer and sharper as it eventually formed a sort of doorway. It was hard to look at directly, the light in the room seeming to bend toward the corners. The walls and floor buldged and sank in response to the tear in reality. The door itself was more like a window- a vague, distorted cityscape slowly coming into focus on the other side. The barrier began to ripple, as if it was made of water, as a figure stepped through it into the room.
Ashe's laughing was suddenly doubled as it became clear that whoever had just entered was cackling as well. It was an eerie echo- they were taking the same pauses for breath and short hiccups between giggles. Their shoulders bounced in matching tempo and their heads tilted back toward the ceiling at the exact same time.
The new figure was dressed in a long purple-grey patchwork coat, sleeves torn off and bottom hem ripped to shreds. He wore a darker purple scarf up to his chin, which flared out behind him into a tattered cape. The coat was sinched at the waist with a faded green belt, the end of which swung loose around his legs to give the appearance of a long tail. He wore some sort of blood-red bodysuit which concealed every bit of skin that would otherwise be showing. His darkened silver hair flared out around his head in wild spikes. Over his face, a circular mask concealed any distinguishing features. The mask may have been white once, but was now more of a tarnished brown. Two horns curled upward on either side of the face, which consisted of a cudely painted-on cartoonish black smile with squinted eyes.
"Why, if it isn't the Wards of New Haven!" The figure exclaimed, suddenly dropping into a deep bow. "You can call me the Trickster. Oh, I've been waiting so long to meet you!" There was a sort of childlike excitement in his voice, but there was a strain to it as well, as if holding back the laughter was causing him mental pain.
He turned his head toward Ashe, who was sitting motionless again on the desk. The figure cleared his throat, then in a harsh voice, snapped "You'd best show some respect in the face of such powerful heroes!"
As if dragged down by force, Ashe bent forward, nearly losing his balance and falling face first off of his perch. When he sat back again, his deadpan expression broke into a wide grin again. The smile didn't reach his eyes.
"What are you doing to him?!" Failsafe snapped, voice cracking with the panic of seeing his friend so vulnerable.
"Who, me?" The villain straightened back up, bouncing on his toes as he did. He flung a hand up to his chest in an overdramatic show of offense... and Ashe's hand made the same motion. In a cheap imitation of Ashe's voice, the Trickster echoed "I wouldn't hurt a fly!" As he did, Ashe muttered the same words.
"He's some sort of Master." Imprint's eyes were locked onto the figure, tracing his every move. The subtle shift in his posture put the image of a panther in Failsafe's mind. His next words were directed at the villain. "What do you want with Ashe?"
"Better yet, what do you want with us?" Wraith added. The strain of holding up a constant shield for this long was starting to take its toll on him, hands starting to shake. Even though the Trickster wasn't outright attacking them, knowing he was a Master with this kind of power was enough to keep them all on edge. They didnt know his limitations yet. "You were the one that sent us the note, right? Why bring us here just to stand there and laugh at us?"
The villain started cackling again, bending at the waist with the sheer force of his laughter. "Ashe?!" He straightened back up, mimed wiping a tear from the corner of the eye of the mask. "Who's that? Never heard of them!" As he stood up to his full height, he ran a hand gingerly through Ashe's hair. The boy didn't move, didn't react, despite Failsafe's immediate short burst of anger at the action. The Trickster clicked his tongue, continued to run his hands through Ashe's silvery-purple hair. As his hands moved, a glow began to spread from them. The same orange glow emanating from Ashe's eyes was surrounding the Trickster's fingertips. As he waggled the fingers on his free hand, little orange strings no thicker than spider silk extended upwards from them, seeming to disappear into thin air. The strings reappeared, wound around Ashe's arms. There was a loop around his neck as well, giving the sickening illusion of a collar.
"I just wanted to introduce the three of you to my Muse." He put an odd emphasis on that final word.
It was a name.
"And, to let you know he's mine now, and you can't have him back!" The static smile on the mask somehow looked devilish. It was such a childish statement, as if they were fighting over a toy on the playground, but it sent chills down all three of the heroes' spines. "Finders keepers, he came to me first! That means I get dibs." His voice dropped an octave on that last sentence, suddenly becoming threatening and deadpan. "Try to take him from me if you can. It'll be fun."
Suddenly, he spun on his heel, facing the doorway he came from. The rippling effect was starting to get more pronounced, more unpredictable. "Ah! But it seems like playtime's over for now. We'll see you soon, Wards."
Before he stepped back through the door, the strings around Ashe's limbs tightened, and he was dragged by some nearly-invisible force toward the doorway. He moved stiffly, as if the puppetmaster hadn't gotten used to moving him yet, but eventually he was pulled through the fading doorway.
The Trickster gave them one last mock solute before ducking through as well. The lingering echo of laughter hung in the room around them.
And Ashe- Muse- was gone with him.
39 notes · View notes
sovaghoul · 1 year ago
Text
I've done it. I've reconciled inconsistent Nihil Lore.
Ok so most of us know and have laughed at the discrepancy between "his father's father's father" and the Dance Macabre video. In the latter, it seemed Young Nihil was just some random (un?)lucky dude that Young Seestor decided should be Papa.
But what if, and hear me out, what if Seestor knew something he didn't that night? What if she knew who he was, but he didn't? And it was only after the party that night that he learned about his father's father's father?
Tumblr media
21 notes · View notes
wheelercore · 1 month ago
Text
Theory with no coherent proof on my part: brenner only visibly ages rapidly when a portal is open.
#brenner 'dies' very early on after rhe portal opens in s1 so we dont see the effects#but in s4 he looks considerably older.#then in s5 he apparently has a whole bald cap - portal that opened at the end of s4 has been open for approx 1.5 years#theres the tie in to the ptsd/trauma metaphor with the UD representing repressed memories#or repressed memories aka 'lost time' in someone memory#the whole thing where ppl with traumatic childhoods cant remember their childhoods very well and it comes back sooner or later#i wonder if there is a supernatural tie into that in st? like when a portal opens to the UD all that 'lost time' suddenly is allowed back#into the light aka out of the subconscious and into the conscious re flashbacks and memory retrieval#i dont believe NINA at all beyond the flashbacks el has before brenner got involved#bc it seems to me that brenner possibly took advtg of els vulnerable state to possibly manipulate her memory retrieval#which irl has been a long time point of controversy which is psychologists convinving patients that they have memories of trauma#they dont actually have. which idk how valid that is but brenner is a psychologist so if anyone he could find a way#also when the 'lost time' comes back to the surface brenner ages bc of those time loops begin to unravel. the real years brenner has lived#take its toll rather than him de aging as time loops back again to the beginning#very dr who of him. or at least every time he dies its another time loop thats created except from our perspective as the audience we#wouldnt know. because we are only watching from a set linear timeline (1983-1986) and we dont see the time line resetting itself#since all the timelines are similar enough with only small differences ('easter eggs')#tying this into the wheelers- their name literally means 'creator/operator of wheels' aka time loops. so are they The Source?#with the subtext surrounding 'truths' and 'lies' in ST i dont necessarily believe all timeloops are created equal#one must be the 'true' timeline while the others must be 'lies'. aka lonnie saying how people sometimes make things up 'to cope'#that and the heavy subtext behind hawkins being a cursed town. not necessarily anywhere else in the US#and how you can only open portals in hawkins per alexei#makes me thinks these arent legitimate timeloops. like time isnt physically looping back and rerunning events bc otherwise it wouldnt only#affect one small town in indiana. also we dont see the UD/the MF be able to affect time itself but rather ppls perception of time aka#mind control and memories. meaning that could it be time isnt actually looping but rather everyone in hawkins has their memories wiped and#recreated every time there is an inciting incident (which is unknown)#^this doesnt really explain how brenner is able to revive every time he dies unless brenner is actually an admin of this system and lives#'outside' the time loop. so. brenner is a video game character actually whos actual player is blissfully safe from harm outside of the the#computer screen#isnt this just the plot of the matrix. with 'the source' (the central computing core aka the wheelers?) and keymakers etc etc
3 notes · View notes
caffeiiine · 1 year ago
Note
i would like to see either nikolai or sigma's sentences please :3 /nf
THANK YOU!!! YOU ARE FUELING MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS!!!
under the cut bc length. [it got REALLY long]
anyways, nikolai and sigmas prison sentences as they would be in the US.
note: i’m not using the wiki for this. i doubt it covers everything, so im going back through the manga and analyzing everything from there. aside from finding out manga appearances, everything else is research and pre-memorized info.
note 2: i may have made a few mistakes with the sentencing but it should be accurate enough give or take 10 years.
note 3: there’s no minimum sentence since majority of research i’m doing leads to me picking the minimum years since it usually states “punishable by life imprisonment or any number of years” which is unspecific and sucks so i just dropped the category
nikolai!!! - crimes - sentence - reference state - references/citations
Crimes :
first degree murder [7 accounts]
second degree murder [1 account]
domestic terrorism [16]
mutilation of a corpse [1 account]
shoplifting [implied, counted as 1 general account/misdemeanor]
assault with/using a deadly weapon [1 account]
impersonation [2 accounts]
[1]
disturbing the peace
theft of public property [2][3] [1 account]
verbal assault/threat [4] [1 account]
aiding and abetting
aiding in prison break
drugging [1 account]
attempted poisoning [5] [2 accounts]
fleeing arrest [1 account]
[6]
robbery/general larceny [4 accounts]
unlawful possession of explosives
attempted first degree murder [implied] [7]
kidnapping [4 accounts]
aiding a convict
breaking and entering [1 account]
sentence :
at maximum = 14 life sentences + 61 years + 186 days and/or up to 7,063,000$ in fines; no parole
reference state : michigan
references via michigan legislature : [first degree murder] Section 750.316 Act 328 of 1931 + [second degree murder] Section 750.317 Act 328 of 1931 + [domestic terrorism not counted, i can’t find definitive punishments and it'd probably be with the supreme court] + [mutilation of a corpse] Section 750.160 Act 328 of 1931 + [shoplifting] Section 750.356 Act 328 of 1931 + [impersonation] Section 750.217 Act 328 of 1931 + [felony assault] Section 750.82 Act 328 of 1931 + [disturbing the peace] Section 750.170(?) + [theft of public property] section 750.356 act 328 of 1931 + [terrorizing/verbal assault/harrassment] section 750.411h act 328 of 1931 + [aidinh and abetting] section 750.450 act 328 of 1931 + [aiding in a prisoners escape/aiding a convict] section 750.183 act 328 of 1931 + [attempted poisoning] section 750.91 act 328 of 1931 + [fleeing arrest] section 760.479a act 328 of 1931 + [robbery] section 750.529 act 328 of 1931 + [unlawful possession of explosives] section 750.200 act 328 of 1931 + [attempted first degree murder] section 750.91 act 328 of 1931 + [kidnapping] section 750.349 act 328 of 1931 + [breaking and entering (with explosives)] section 750.112 act 328 of 1931.
Sigma!!! - crimes - sentence - reference state - references/citations
[8]
threatening an officer [2 accounts]
domestic terrorism [16]
unlawful possession of explosives
attempted first degree murder [1 account]
criminal negligence [9]
aiding and abetting
negligent attempted mass murder [10]
attempted first degree murder by proxy [several accounts] [11]
felony assault by proxy [12] [3 accounts]
[13]
attempted manslaughter [14] [2 accounts]
attempted second degree murder [15] [1 account]
aiding in a prison break
aiding a convict [1 account]
breaking and entering [1 account]
felony assault [3 accounts]
sentence :
at maximum: 5 life sentences + 45 years 93 days and/or up to 8,000$ in fines; possibility of parole
references via michigan legislature: [aiding and abetting] section 750.450 act 328 of 1931 + [felony assault] section 750.82 act 328 of 1932 + [aiding in prisoner escape/aiding a convict] section 750.183 act 328 of 1932 + [unlawful possession of an explosive] section 750.200 act 328 of 1932 + [attempted (any type of) murder/manslaughter] section 750.91 act 328 of 1932 + [breaking and entering (with explosives)] section 750.112 act 328 of 1932 + [threatening an officer] section 750.478a act 328 of 1932 + [criminal/gross negligence] section 8.9 michigan legislature
#[1] i wouldve included something about his gun but the laws vary so much state by state itd be difficult to find a proper middle ground and-#-gun control laws are really iffy and varied in general with a lot of uncertain elements like concealed carry etc#[2] referring to the poles he used to fight atsushi chapter 58#[3] not entirely sure since nobody stole support infrastructure before so theres no law for it#[4] verbal assault is an umbrella term so its a little difficult to pin down; when he asks one of the government people if theyre ready to-#-“say bye-bye to their lower halves” going based off the context; it fits the legal definition of verbal assault#[5] taking the syringes at face value and assuming theyre actually poisoned despite inconsistencies with approximate death times#[6] not entirely sure how nikolai got the floor plans to the prison; and as far as i looked; the act of possessing them doesnt seem illegal#[7] its implied that he tries to kill fyodor very often; i cant find examples but 111 fyodor states nikolai has tried to kill him on -#-several occations#[8] at about chapter 72 sigma states the casino is run under international law; i’m not running nikolai’s sentence in japan so i’m ignoring#-that piece and giving him the same reference state as nikolai#[9] the coin explosives being held in a customer room#[10]the coin bombs that were to be distributed via the casino and explode once distributed enough#[11] via the customers in the casino and security; sigma really likes his crimes by proxy doesn’t he.#[13] the gun in the comms room is definitely illegal but to keep things in line with Nikolai i’m not counting gun law violations unless its#-obvious like murder or manslaughter#[14] attempted manslaughter in of itself is a contradictory term; the way it’s defined and the way i’m using it is in reference to sigmas-#-state of mind right then. where he was engaging in a desperate attempt to save his casino via stopping teruko by any means necessary-#-and was not in a proper state of mind to be accurately tried for attempted second degree murder as he normally would’ve been.-#-the legal term for this is “in the heat of passion” i believe.#[15] trying to take teruko with him in death#[16] i can’t find punishments for terrorism so it’s not counted in the final tally#i spent actual hours on this [not regretted one bit]#oh my hod i don’t want to look at the michigan legislature for another month after this#it was so much fun though ty xan#soda incarcerates your faves#bsd#bsd nikolai#bsd sigma
13 notes · View notes
daz4i · 11 months ago
Text
every time i get hate messages here i feel like that one vine that's like "rant alert!!! to anyone telling me to drink bleach?? .......i'm not thirsty."
9 notes · View notes
Note
I was reading sea glass gardens for like the 8th time in a row (listen I was praying to the gods for a fic focuses on Megumi & Yuuta, for a fic that shows Megs dynamic with the Zenins more, and for a fun little gojo adopts the fushiguro siblings and forced his friends to play aunt and uncle. You checked all my boxes. I am in debt to you now.) and its the way I'm still seeing the little details that should've been so fucking obvious to me —
Megumi and Tsumiki fucking around and adopting some of Gojo’s habits and sayings? I know he was so proud that his children is becoming mini versions of him. Toji is crying in the depths of hell while Mamaguro is happy as hell in the pearly gates.
“It’s a garden” it took so long for me to peep that this was his domain. Like tfw when your domain is fucking you up. I pray that Gege shows us his completed domain. Actually I PRAY GEGE LET MEGUMI SHOW OFF HIS FUCKING POTENTIAL. But alas Gege is a coward.
THE NICOTINE PATCH? Oh Shoko my beloved. I get her. I fucking hate cancer sticks but if I had to spend time with corpses, being forced to converse with the higher ups, and having to be friends with Gojo and Geto AND witness their divorce. Well. I would’ve smoked something too. Like goddamn these bitches should’ve been at the club.
The little callbacks to the playbooks? How petty the sorcerer world gotta be for them to have cheat sheets on their enemies. Is that not crazy? Is this who they are? Petty bastards.
toji pulling up to get married in sweats. megumi killing curses at such a young age for his sister? toji giving megumi shit to get him to stfu? oh megumi you dodged a bullet with toji.
BUT WHAT I REALLT WANTED TO WAS THE BATHHOUSE. Megumi needs to go feral as a threat cause imagine how humiliating that must’ve been. A bunch of assholes & such watching you like some fucking cult. I really hope that Megumi and Gojo have some type of reassuring talk about his time at the Zenins.
(Yaga and Gojo going at it while Panda in the room is so funny to be but…it’s also kind of sad. Like imagine seeing your dad figure basically be okay, well not okay but not willing to fight back, about the higher ups and everything.)
Obsessed with the fact that I can toss up what seems to me to be a random niche interest and find a community of people who wanted exactly that. I’m thrilled I checked off your boxes.
The bathhouse was designed to be humiliating by nature. I talked about it more on another post (but fuck if I know where it is), but the point of including that whole bit was that I really couldnt think of any better way to emphasize that megumi wasn’t a person to them.
On its face, the private bathhouse with servants tending to it could be a sign of status. It’s kind of an old world nobility thing to have? Which fits with the Zenin, who are very traditional and value Megumi as their most treasured person to be born to the clan in centuries. He would be presumptive heir if Gojo hadn’t intervened. So they’d easily be able to cast this in their own minds as a good thing, as a way they’re taking care of him. He’s not subjected to the communal bathhouses or small private bathrooms like the majority of the clan—they’ve given him his own private facilities and servants to care for him in it.
However, once you take away Megumi’s consent, it becomes an absolutely humiliating and degrading experience that only happens for the Zenin’s comfort and not his own.
I spoke about this in the other post in more detail, but I tried to imply that this wasn’t the first time the Zenin had done this to him. And there’s two points that kind of implicate that—when Maki’s talking to Yuuta about how it used to be when Megumi was a kid, she says the first thing that they would do when he arrived in the clan was hand him over to the servants to make him presentable. She also talks about how viciously he hated the way they’d make him look in the clan, including stomping the clothes they’d make him wear in the mud. When Megumi himself is talking about the bathhouse, he says he was given over to the servants like when he was a kid. This wasn’t a new experience for him. They weren’t doing this to him for the first time. They did this to him when he was a kid, and he’s reliving all of that trauma anew.
In my mind, it was a product of how selfish the Zenin’s love for megumi is.
He’s their favorite doll. He’s a possession. They want him to look and act exactly the way they expect from him, and they despise any divergence from what they want the ten shadows to be. And they hate it when they’re reminded of how Gojo took him from them.
They don’t want him dressed in modern clothes. They don’t want his hair styled in a manner similar to Gojo’s. They want him to look like the Ten Shadows they always wanted, and one surefire way of controlling that is to simply do it themselves, whether or not megumi is on board.
And the thing is? It is such a fundamentally minor thing to let someone bathe and dress themselves. It would have cost the Zenin so so little to let Megumi do it. Even if they were still dictating what clothes he wore and how he styled his hair (which would still rob him of his autonomy on its own, they could have at least let him do the actual act of bathing and dressing himself. They could have violated him a little bit less than they already were. The biggest inconvenience it would have risked to them would be him doing something not to their exact standards and losing a few minutes to making him redo it. But on Megumi’s end, it symbolizes a huge source of autonomy and comfort. Letting Megumi bathe himself really does impact so little for them, but for Megumi, it could have saved him from lasting trauma.
The Zenin do it to him anyway because they value their minor conveniences over his very bodily autonomy. They don’t even recognize that as a genuine concern. He’s a possession to them. An object. They don’t actually love him, and the love they think they have is actively dangerous to him. They will violate him in a very fundamental way just so they can make sure he looks how the ten shadows is supposed to look, and they won’t care.
Being forcibly bathed against your will is just humiliating, especially at Megumi’s age, and it’s one of the things that hurt him the worst out of everything the Zenin just did to him. I think Megumi takes physical pain better than he does humiliation. Having to be exposed and vulnerable the way he was with other people watching was a more effective torture than locking him in a room with curses for days.
But there’s extra layers to it if you consider 1) this is something the Zenin have done to him before and 2) this is something that he could have stopped.
When Megumi was six, he was definitely at the age where he was already bathing himself. Some parenting books say parents should still be helping at that age, but his parents were completely checked out well before then. He had already been handling all his hygiene needs on his own. Having strange adults force him to let them do it for him was a traumatizing and infantilizing experience that represented one of the many ways the Zenin robbed him of all control over his own life when they had him.
But now it’s happening again.
And megumi probably didn’t think the Zenin would do that to him again, walking into this. He probably explained it away as them doing that to him because he was still a little kid at the time. He told himself it happened because he was six, and he’s not six anymore.
Having it all happen again was a very visceral reminder of how helpless his abusers used to make him, and immediately kicked him back down to that level with a very potent reminder. It’s trauma reawakening trauma. He felt like he was six again. He probably told himself for a long time that it would never happen again and it still did.
The other thing is that he’s a lot more capable in a fight than a six year old. He’s a grade two jujutsu sorcerer. He’s a fighter. And he’s being manhandled by servants who don’t have a lot of cursed energy, if they’re even sorcerers at all, and aren’t meant to be combatants. These are people he should be able to defend himself against easily. He should be able to stop them from doing this to him again.
For whatever reason, he couldn’t.
Maybe Gojos theory about them having something on him was right. Or maybe he was too worn down and broken from the cursed spirits. Maybe it was something else. Whatever the reason, this is something that he would have told himself he was strong enough to stop, and then he wasn’t. He either had to let it happen or couldn’t stop it even if he tried. It’s a new level of helplessness and humiliation that it made him experience.
In short, megumi does deserve to go feral over the bathhouse, and probably needs to. He’s really not okay over it. It would probably be cathartic.
#sea glass gardens#this fic was designed to make sure megumi came out of it with a really bad state of mind and part of the reason why is because it’s meant to#slot into the gap of canon between JJK0 and season 1#Megumi walks into season 1 with his fixation on maharoaga at an absolutely dire level#he tries to pull the trigger there every other fight#and in my mind a lot of that’s because Megumi’s just /not okay/ when canon starts#this episode with the Zenin is supposed to feed into that#prior to the Zenin mahoraga was a last resort#but when we hit season 1 Megumi’s very decidely hitting ‘last resort’ a bit. prematurely.#he’ll start a fight and be like ‘whelp this is it’ bb try at least#this zenin incident is meant to feed into it#he had his moment of last resort. the moment where even Gojo and Nanami agreed that what the Zenin were demanding he do was a death sentence#and he /didn’t use it/ for some reason. they kept him from it.#mahoraga was his safety blanket over the years. the one sure point of control over his life. he’d die as a jujutsu sorcerer and not have#a choice in becoming one to begin with. but he’d die taking them down with him. he’d die on his terms. it was the /one/ point of control he#had. the Zenin robbed him of that and robbed him of a lot of other illusions of control#megumi didn’t have control over when he slept. when he ate. where he went. what clothes he wore. they even stripped him of the basic act of#getting control over his own bathing processes. it was the most violating loss of autonomy imaginable.#Megumi’s going into season 1 with severe ptsd and an almost manic desire to make sure he doesn’t lose control again. he wants to make sure#that he can at least go out on his terms. he lost every other feeling of security and autonomy and he needs to still have this#also panda was fucking sweating during that time#his dad was Not the most popular man in that room and he agreed#megumi thinks that the Zenin did that purposefully to hurt him and it would honestly hurt him worse to find out that it was a twisted act of#love. like. he gets hate. he understands hate. he knows why someone would do that to hurt him. he doesn’t know why they would do it out of#love. and it would disturb him on a profound level if he knew that was what the Zenin thought of that moment#they told themselves that they were putting him to rights and restoring him to the ten shadows he would one day be again and would#understand then. they can’t conceptualize a version of megumi that legitimately rejects them so they reject his autonomy and freedom in#getting to decide to reject them
14 notes · View notes
euclydya · 6 months ago
Text
being in control has been fun but can someone else take the reigns now
3 notes · View notes
llycaons · 7 months ago
Text
'jiang cheng would like a strong woman' have you considered she would probably not like him
#if a woman who demands to be treated by respect/maturity/communication meets jc it would be over before it begins#if she has a low tolerance for being yelled at mocked etc. etc. well you can see how short it'll be. even personalized gifts he failed at#he has so much to work on. the only exception is if she likes hot messes I guess and she doesn't mind being yelled at#OR if she wanted to study him like a bug. if she truly sweeps in take control of LP and starts issuing orders#AND likes jc for whatever reason. maybe THAT could work. but it HAS to be a good reason it cannot be 🥺🥺🥺 he had a sad life#or thinks his inability to communicate is sexy or whatever. man idk. I feel like any woman with the independence to choose#would see the red flags immediately and gtfo. as a sect leader he has so much authority. his wife wld possibly bein a rly dangerous positio#actually we have canonical evidence. hi wq. in a lifetime of being legendary your refusal to marry this guy#even tho it meant you'd die a starving enemy of the state is up there as one of the best <3 rest in peace#and yes living a short happy life with wn and granny and a-yuan and wwx and her family#WAS more gratifying and better for her than a long and probably miserable life being jc's obligation wife while he awkwardly does his best#to be a good husband. and fails. because I mean. he needs help and a wife is not gonna fix him. also her family and wwx are dead :/#however our girl made her choice and was spared that fate love and light rest in peace#not that she made it for herself like we know she did it for her family. but I imagine she was like WHEW dodged a bullet there#cql txp
5 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
Text
...
#what does one do when their perception cannot b trusted? im so physically and emotionally exhausted#and i can go from feeling hopelessly terminally bad to completely normal for no apparent reason. and on occasion i can go from normal to i#think i can stay up all night. i never have to sleep again. look how great i can focus. i could kill god.#and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind#and it doesnt matter but it makes me crazy the idea that i might not b bip0lar but i just push myself so far that under pressure my mind#splits into the catastrophically positive or negative. but i feel like this is how i have to live. i have to b perfect or pay a blood debt#and thats just how it is. and thats how its been. so at this point ive spend thr last idk 15 years of my life being d#some measure of miserable for no reason. i dont kno y i do this to myself and im 26 now and idk how to stop bc even pushing myself as hard#as i can im so far behind. how am i supposed to do less and not#and not just quit. im compulsive for a reason. there's a fundamental barrier between myself and understanding language but if i do more and#more and more then i can at least try to keep up with everyone else. idk im so tired. and im 26 and im afraid im stuck like this#and i cant even... its like ive split my head in 2 to cope. ive created distance within myself so that i cant fully feel how terrible i make#things for myself. half my brain is always like lol suffer idiot. it throws off my therapists bc i cant take my own pain seriously. ill#laugh and smile while im like yea i feel horrible like most of the time and i dont kno what to do lol. idk so it goes. i think im gonna stop#with the birth control tho. as it doesnt seem to help with my sadness levels. idk if ite making ot worse or not. guess well find out#itll b easier once i dont have to b trained on things. then i wont have to ask a question and burst into tears on my lab mate 🙄#unrelated
5 notes · View notes
electricpurrs · 1 year ago
Text
.
#i think ive been going way too overboard from what im actually comfortable with i dont actually like that#this is all weird and ive been acting weird and i feel bad maybe my mind has been way too foggy for me to. really think straight#like that sounds really dramatic i just feel weird and uncomfortable and wrong like my posts are weird and my attempts at talking#to people are weird and my conversations with my friends are weird#like im not acting like myself or im too out of it to remember how to act like myself#idk. i just dont wanna keep doing any of this but im not sure what ''any of this'' is#i got myself in some kind of spiral and im not having fun and i feel bad and gross and lame#i think im in an actual like bad mental health state#and i now im worried i have thousands of people following this damn blog and seeing my posts while im in a vulnerable state#and im acting erratic and weird and because i post my every thought in this website everybody is seeing me act erratic and weird#which just makes me much more anxious#i really hate how prone i am to letting my mental health make me act weird and how prone i am to over posting online due to a lack of#impulse control#and how i have an amount of followers that is way too large for it to be safe or healthy for me to be fucking myself over online#i am not minimally healthy or stable enough to keep my posture in front of a large audience and this should never have happened to me#i dont know that being said i should probably take a break for a bit#post less until i can get my head in place
5 notes · View notes
awesomecooperlove · 2 years ago
Text
💣💣💣
6 notes · View notes
sybbi · 9 months ago
Text
Something to add to the refution of the "horseback riding isn't exercise" myth:
I once interviewed a kid and his mom who said horseback riding had essentially helped the kid maintain his ability to walk. It's been years now so I can't remember the name of the disease/disorder he'd been born with, but iirc it essentially was supposed to lead to worsening muscular dystrophy, and doctors had told his mom to prepare for the boy not being able to walk on his own.
Well, mom was prepared for that, but as her boy got older, he showed an interest in horses and mom signed him up for lessons. Iirc I think she did it with the mindset of "might as well let him do it while he can."
When I interviewed them, he was about the age the doctors had predicted he wouldn't be able to do much outside of a wheelchair -- and you would've never guessed from watching him that he was fighting with something like that. He was active in showing, and he was working with a new Arabian mare he'd gotten recently and handling her so well -- he was able to tack her up, lead her around the arena, hop up on her back and do some tricks. The theory his mom and riding instructor had went that he hadn't lost his mobility as quickly as the doctors thought he would because being a good rider isn't just about working the horse, it's about your posture and your control. It can help work the kind of core muscles that are essential for people when keeping our balance on our own feet, and given that he was at the barn basically every day, including after school (I think they lived over an hour from the barn, which shows how much mom loved him and wanted to support him), he was getting more steady workouts that helped mitigate dystrophy than was probably normal for other kids with his condition.
Horses: Since There Seems To Be A Knowledge Gap
I'm going to go ahead and preface this with: I comment pretty regularly on clips and photos featuring horses and horseback riding, often answering questions or providing explanations for how or why certain things are done. I was a stable hand and barrel racer growing up, and during my 11 year tenure on tumblr, Professional Horse Commentary is a very niche, yet very necessary, subject that needs filling. Here are some of the literary and creative gaps I've noticed in well meaning (and very good!) creators trying to portray horses and riding realistically that... well, most of you don't seem to even be aware of, because you wouldn't know unless you worked with horses directly!
Some Of The Most Common Horse + Riding Mistakes I See:
-Anybody can ride any horse if you hold on tight enough/have ridden once before.
Nope. No, no, no, no, aaaaaaaand, no. Horseback riding has, historically, been treated as a life skill taught from surprisingly young ages. It wasn't unusual in the pre-vehicular eras to start teaching children as young as 4 to begin to ride, because horses don't come with airbags, and every horse is different. For most adults, it can take months or years of regular lessons to learn to ride well in the saddle, and that's just riding; not working or practicing a sport.
Furthermore, horses often reject riders they don't know. Unless a horse has been trained like a teaching horse, which is taught to tolerate riders of all skill and experience levels, it will take extreme issue with having some random person try to climb on their back. Royalty, nobility, and the knighted classes are commonly associated with the "having a favorite special horse" trope, because it's true! Just like you can have a particularly special bond with a pet or service animal that verges on parental, the same can apply with horses. Happy horses love their owners/riders, and will straight-up do their best to murder anyone that tries to ride them without permission.
-Horses are stupid/have no personality.
There isn't a more dangerous assumption to make than assuming a horse is stupid. Every horse has a unique personality, with traits that can be consistent between breeds (again, like cat and dog breeds often have distinct behavior traits associated with them), but those traits manifest differently from animal to animal.
My mother had an Arabian horse, Zipper, that hated being kicked as a signal to gallop. One day, her mom and stepdad had a particularly unpleasant visitor; an older gentleman that insisted on riding Zipper, but refused to listen to my mother's warnings never to kick him. "Kicking" constitutes hitting the horse's side(s) with your heels, whether you have spurs on or not. Most horses only need a gentle squeeze to know what you want them to do.
Anyway, Zipper made eye-contact with my mom, asking for permission. He understood what she meant when she nodded at him. He proceeded to give this asshole of a rider road rash on the side of the paddock fence and sent him to the emergency room. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't have the permission from the rider he respected, and was intelligent enough to ask, "mind if I teach this guy a lesson?" with his eyes, and understand, "Go for it, buddy," from my mom in return.
-Riding bareback is possible to do if you hold onto the horse's mane really tight.
Riding a horse bareback (with no saddle, stirrups, or traditional harness around the horse's head) is unbelievably difficult to learn, particularly have testicles and value keeping them. Even professional riders and equestrians find ourselves relying on tack (the stuff you put on a horse to ride it) to stay stable on our horses, even if we've been riding that particular horse for years and have a very positive, trusting relationship.
Horses sweat like people do. The more they run, the more their hair saturates with sweat and makes staying seated on them slippery. Hell, an overworked horse can sweat so heavily that the saddle slips off its back. It's also essential to brush and bathe a horse before it's ridden in order to keep it healthier, so their hair is often quite slick from either being very clean or very damp. In order to ride like that, you have to develop the ability to synchronize your entire body's rhythm's with the rhythm of the horse's body beneath you, and quite literally move as one. Without stirrups, most people can't do it, and some people can never master bareback riding no matter how many years they spend trying to learn.
-You can be distracted and make casual conversation while a horse is standing untethered in the middle of a barn or field.
At every barn I've ever worked at, it's been standard practice with every single horse, regardless of age or temperament, to secure their heads while they're being tacked up or tacked down. The secures for doing this are simple ropes with clips that are designed to attach to the horse's halter (the headwear for a horse that isn't being ridden; they have no bit that goes in the horse's mouth, and no reins for a rider to hold) on metal O rings on either side of the horse's head. This is not distressing to the horse, because we give them plenty of slack to turn their heads and look around comfortably.
The problem with trying to tack up an unrestrained horse while chatting with fellow stable hands or riders is that horses know when you're distracted! And they often try to get away with stuff when they know you're not looking! In a barn, a horse often knows where the food is stored, and will often try to tiptoe off to sneak into the feed room.
Horses that get into the feed room are often at a high risk of dying. While extremely intelligent, they don't have the ability to throw up, and they don't have the ability to tell that their stomach is full and should stop eating. Allowing a horse into a feed/grain room WILL allow it to eat itself to death.
Other common woes stable hands and riders deal with when trying to handle a horse with an unrestrained head is getting bitten! Horses express affection between members of their own herd, and those they consider friends and family, through nibbling and surprisingly rough biting. It's not called "horseplay" for nothing, because during my years working with horses out in the pasture, it wasn't uncommon at all for me to find individuals with bloody bite marks on their withers (that high part on the middle of the back of their shoulders most people instinctively reach for when they try to get up), and on their backsides. I've been love-bitten by horses before, and while flattering, they hurt like hell on fleshy human skin.
So, for the safety of the horse, and everybody else, always make a show of somehow controlling the animal's head when hands-on and on the ground with them.
-Big Horse = War Horse
Startlingly, the opposite is usually the case! Draft and carriage horses, like Percherons and Friesians, were never meant to be used in warfare. Draft horses are usually bred to be extremely even-tempered, hard to spook, and trustworthy around small children and animals. Historically, they're the tractors of the farm if you could afford to upgrade from oxen, and were never built to be fast or agile in a battlefield situation.
More importantly, just because a horse is imposing and huge doesn't make it a good candidate for carrying heavy weights. A real thing that I had to be part of enforcing when I worked at a teaching ranch was a weight limit. Yeah, it felt shitty to tell people they couldn't ride because we didn't have any horses strong enough to carry them due to their weight, but it's a matter of the animal's safety. A big/tall/chonky horse is more likely to be built to pull heavy loads, but not carry them flat on their spines. Horses' muscular power is predominantly in their ability to run and pull things, and too heavy a rider can literally break a horse's spine and force us to euthanize it.
Some of the best war horses out there are from the "hot blood" family. Hot blooded horses are often from dry, hot, arid climates, are very small and slight (such as Arabian horses), and are notoriously fickle and flighty. They're also a lot more likely to paw/bite/kick when spooked, and have even sometimes been historically trained to fight alongside their rider if their rider is dismounted in combat; kicking and rearing to keep other soldiers at a distance.
-Any horse can be ridden if it likes you enough.
Just like it can take a lifetime to learn to ride easily, it can take a lifetime of training for a horse to comfortably take to being ridden or taking part in a job, like pulling a carriage. Much like service animals, horses are typically trained from extremely young ages to be reared into the job that's given to them, and an adult horse with no experience carrying a rider is going to be just as scared as a rider who's never actually ridden a horse.
Just as well, the process of tacking up a horse isn't always the most comfortable experience for the horse. To keep the saddle centered on the horse's back when moving at rough or fast paces, it's essential to tighten the belly strap (cinch) of the saddle as tightly as possible around the horse's belly. For the horse, it's like wearing a tight corset, chafes, and even leaves indents in their skin afterward that they love having rinsed with water and scratched. Some horses will learn to inflate their bellies while you're tightening the cinch so you can't get it as tight as it needs to be, and then exhale when they think you're done tightening it.
When you're working with a horse wearing a bridle, especially one with a bit, it can be a shocking sensory experience to a horse that's never used a bit before. While they lack a set of teeth naturally, so the bit doesn't actually hurt them, imagine having a metal rod shoved in your mouth horizontally! Unless you understand why it's important for the person you care about not dying, you'd be pretty pissed about having to keep it in there!
-Horseback riding isn't exercise.
If you're not using every muscle in your body to ride with, you're not doing it right.
Riding requires every ounce of muscle control you have in your entire body - although this doesn't mean it wasn't realistic for people with fat bodies to stay their weight while also being avid riders; it doesn't mean the muscles aren't there. To stay on the horse, you need to learn how it feels when it moves at different gaits (walk, trot, canter, gallop), how to instruct it to switch leads (dominant legs; essential for precise turning and ease of communication between you and the horse), and not falling off. While good riders look like they're barely moving at all, that's only because they're good riders. They know how to move so seamlessly with the horse, feeling their movements like their own, that they can compensate with their legs and waists to not bounce out of the saddle altogether or slide off to one side. I guarantee if you ride a horse longer than 30 minutes for the first time, your legs alone will barely work and feel like rubber.
-Horses aren't affectionate.
Horses are extraordinarily affectionate toward the right people. As prey animals, they're usually wary of people they don't know, or have only recently met. They also - again, like service animals - have a "work mode" and a "casual mode" depending upon what they're doing at the time. Horses will give kisses like puppies, wiggle their upper lips on your hair/arms to groom you, lean into neck-hugs, and even cuddle in their pasture or stall if it's time to nap and you join them by leaning against their sides. If they see you coming up from afar and are excited to see you, they'll whinny and squeal while galloping to meet you at the gate. They'll deliberately swat you with their tails to tease you, and will often follow you around the pasture if they're allowed to regardless of what you're up to.
-Riding crops are cruel.
Only cruel people use riding crops to hurt their horses. Spurs? I personally object to, because any horse that knows you well doesn't need something sharp jabbing them in the side for emphasis when you're trying to tell them where you want them to go. Crops? Are genuinely harmless tools used for signalling a horse.
I mean, think about it. Why would crops be inherently cruel instruments if you need to trust a horse not to be afraid of you and throw you off when you're riding it?
Crops are best used just to lightly tap on the left or right flank of the horse, and aren't universally used with all forms of riding. You'll mainly see crops used with English riding, and they're just tools for communicating with the horse without needing to speak.
-There's only one way to ride a horse.
Not. At. All. At most teaching ranches, you'll get two options: Western, or English, because they tend to be the most popular for shows and also the most common to find equipment for. English riding uses a thinner, smaller saddle, narrower stirrups, and much thinner bridles. I, personally, didn't like English style riding because I never felt very stable in such a thin saddle with such small stirrups, and didn't start learning until my mid teens. English style riding tends to focus more on your posture and deportment in the saddle, and your ability to show off your stability and apparent immovability on the horse. It was generally just a bit too stiff and formal for me.
Western style riding utilizes heavier bridles, bigger saddles (with the iconic horn on the front), and broader stirrups. Like its name may suggest, Western riding is more about figuring out how to be steady in the saddle while going fast and being mobile with your upper body. Western style riding is generally the style preferred for working-type shows, such as horseback archery, gunning, barrel racing, and even rodeo riding.
-Wealthy horse owners have no relationship with their horses.
This is loosely untrue, but I've seen cases where it is. Basically, horses need to feel like they're working for someone that matters to them in order to behave well with a rider and not get impatient or bored. While it's common for people to board horses at off-property ranches (boarding ranches) for cost and space purposes, it's been historically the truth that having help is usually necessary with horses at some point. What matters is who spends the most time with the animal treating it like a living being, rather than a mode of transport or a tool. There's no harm in stable hands handling the daily upkeep; hay bales and water buckets are heavy, and we're there to profit off the labor you don't want or have the time to do. You get up early to go to work; we get up early to look after your horses. Good owners/boarders visit often and spend as much of their spare time as they can with spending quality work and playtime with their horses. Otherwise, the horses look to the stable hands for emotional support and care.
So, maybe you're writing a knight that doesn't really care much for looking after his horse, but his squire is really dedicated to keeping up with it? There's a better chance of the horse having a more affectionate relationship with the squire thanks to the time the squire spends on looking after it, while the horse is more likely to tolerate the knight that owns it as being a source of discipline if it misbehaves. That doesn't mean the knight is its favorite person. When it comes to horses, their love must be earned, and you can only earn it by spending time with them hands-on.
-Horses can graze anywhere without concern.
This is a mistake that results in a lot of premature deaths! A big part of the cost of owning a horse - even before you buy one - is having the property that will be its pasture assessed for poisonous plants, and having those plants removed from being within the animal's reach. This is an essential part of farm upkeep every year, because horses really can't tell what's toxic and what isn't. One of the reasons it's essential to secure a horse when you aren't riding it is to ensure it only has a very limited range to graze on, and it's your responsibility as the owner/rider to know how to identify dangerous plants and keep your horses away from them.
There's probably more. AMA in my askbox if you have any questions, but that's all for now. Happy writing.
8K notes · View notes
centrespangle · 2 months ago
Text
youtube
Remember this BANGER? Nearly 20 years old. Still dirty fresh and funky. Turn it up.
0 notes