#starting to feel kinda attacked ...
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Marleyan Hange au part 8
Liberio 5
Building rage
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Desperately searching for help, Hange happens upon Zeke. Suddenly they have hope for Essie, as they happen to know he always has a secret vial of his spinal fluid on him. Zeke is not being very cooperative, however...
🌸 Hope I didn't scare you guys with the style change, my screen time has been absolutely atrocious lately so I tried reducing it by drawing this on paper but I think compiling the sketches to pages digitally kinda defeated the purpose lmao. I enjoyed the process tho!
I'm trying to wrap the Liberio stuff up in the next few parts, it's just kept going xD but I actually have drawn a little bit ahead to get over the artblock so now I have to catch up with the stuff I skipped to get there. 🌸
#can you tell hange's starting to lose the plot a little bit#it's gonna get worse before it gets better oops#if that ain't the tag for this whole au#let me tell you I do not like drawing monkey man#ok in a way it's kinda fun but also he's just nasty somehow XD conflicted feelings about this#marleyan hange au#hange zoe#hanji zoe#zeke jaeger#zeke yeager#attack on titan oc#attack on titan au#attack on titan fanart#attack on titan#aot#violetscanfly#long post#posting at a weird time again I might just self rb it later as well
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Dean Winchester of Supernatural fame is NOT reading parenting books he is putting on Cheaper By The Dozen, Daddy Daycare and Honey I Shrunk The Kids taking notes.
#i woulda said full house but dean's more a movie guy than a tv guy#it doesn't help. btw. lol.#if dean read a gentle parenting guide he would scoff and roll his eyes and throw it across the room#and eventually start silently weeping if he was convinced to keep going bc HE was a kid and HE didn't get treated with respect or gentlenes#dean in an argument with those mommy bloggers he follows saying something like 'please. i was left in a motel room with my brother#from like age 7 upwards I think little Timmy will be okay in the car by himself for 3 minutes 🙄“#and someone hits him with 'I'm so sorry that happened to you' and he tries to brush it off all day and complain about it to Sam#and Sam's like. yeah it was kinda fucked up though. and Dean's like WELL I KNOW THAT BUT HE WAS DOING HIS BEST#(not fully believing it bc he certainly can't picture leaving a 7 year old alone in the world they live in no matter what)#(and Dean's never fully actually agreed with their dad but he feels attacked by Sam's agreeing)#(but old habits run deep)#cawis creates
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I love that even with all the lengths Stronghart went through to hide Kazuma's identity (using a mask to hide his eyes and a cloak to cover everything else, banning him from even speaking), the minute Ryunosuke saw him for the first time he suspected it. From his posture alone, they knew each other for about a year and were separated for like eight months and Ryunosuke could still identify his bbf from the way he stood like... Kazuma lost his memory, his identity, his... everything and Ryunosuke still clocked it, even though he literally thinks Kazuma is dead, that the prosecutor's masked apprentice is the whole reason he's even there at all.
Literally what else could Stronghart have done to hide Kazuma's presence from Ryunosuke, he did as much as he could but still Ryunosuke felt it immediately. This feels gayer than most of the yaoi I've come across, this is a major plot point in a romantic drama, this can't not be a trope in one of the kdramas my dad likes to watch on Netflix.
#I feel like if Ryunosuke was like 10% less busy he would've figured it out completely#he just has things to deal with...#also i love how he really wants to be a lawyer now when at the start of the series he was Not Into It#he did it for kazumas dream and bc he didn't want to let susato down and ruin the trip for her#but now hes fully intending on getting his own lawyer certifications and planning to wear both his own and Kazumas armbands#he started out so aimless but now he's found the thing he wants to be and its so nice#anyway barok has homosexual feelings for that mad scientist guy and I know we're supposed to feel bad for him bc his brother was 'killed'#but i dont really feel it yet#he needs to be nicer to me#i do love how worried Ryunosuke was for him after the attack that was kinda cute#they have the opposite views being 'just bc you're an asshole doesn't mean I think you should die' and 'i wont mourn the wicked'#also Ryunosuke being so convinced about the reapers curse is fascinating to me... it gives me ideas for my phoenix!Naruhodos au#andromeda plays tgaa#andromeda plays#asoryuu
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Sorry to anyone who's messaged me anywhere from mid January to late May/early June - school was actively destroying my body and mind and I couldn't even fit sleep into my schedule because it was so packed (。ノω\。)
#there's several people i still need to get back to...#but I'm a little scared to#i don't mean to put it off but I'm always a little too scared to come back to someone after a long break#it feels rude#somehow a phenomenon occurs#messaging is a monumental task for me - it takes up so much of my energy I'm not even kidding#because i like to think about what words I'm putting out#making posts here though?#a lot easier because i don't really think i just kinda spit my thoughts out onto my blog#wahhh the pain of always being tired#(also now I'm terrified of signing up for classes again)#(I've got to make my schedule)#(but after barely scraping by those 2 semesters I'm about to have a panic attack at the thought)#ahh! I'll make it#I've done it before#sorry i don't believe any of the people i have in mind are going to see this but i wanted to get it out#it's been on my mind everyday since school started back up in January#apologies! apologies! I'm very sorry!#all the time...#💬#🩹
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Correct me if I am wrong, but Moon Knight probably is only one on the team with multiple experiences with dying and coming back-
Is to also say everyone else is like it’s good to be back, when they revive and Marc just like why Khonshu why…
#I don’t count the immortal folk#moon knight#marc spector#khonshu#marvel#marvel rivals#of course I haven’t played everyone#so I could be wrong#you know he should probably start a therapy group with all the others#because it kinda traumatizing to be brought back#to also say! I feel like the more moon knight dies#his attacks should get stronger#cause he kinda loses it even more when he gets brought back in the comics I think?#but that wouldn’t work too well
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I feel bad for Starlo.
Star has a point, idk what the four were ticked off about, there is like 99% chance everyone willingly participated in the trolley problem, based on what we've seen of his behavior thus far it's not like Starlo to be that big of a jerk/drag them by force/yell at them to do it. Ed's words:

he does it because Star asks NICELY

clearly jealous
It genuinely seemed like a fun time/fun roleplay, especially since every day is the same. Like, the five are supposed to be a rowdy and adventures bunch, what exactly did Starlo do wrong, I'm genuinely confused and curious. Except taking a big liking in Clover (his posse should know that this is a big moment for him, according to Blackjack they've known each other since high school and had the same liking for westerns. So they were basically a nerd gang.) Starlo was kind, patient and considerate towards Clover the whole time, even warned Mooch about them not being bandits, taught Clover gun safety, wanted to bring his posse along for a fun time, thanked Ace for telling him about getting Clover a new hat...




Sure, at first he only liked Clover for being a human, but as Ceroba says, that changed and he grew to genuinely care about them, plus I can't help but think Star saw himself in Clover and that's part of the reason he was so proud of them all the time even when they messed up (I'll talk more about this at some point)




What exactly made Ace want to leave the gang? He even said how he doesn't mind "getting run over by the fake train"

he's so nice. says sorry for forgetting the safety goggles even when he was scatterbrained due to his excitement. I love him so much
The only real "faults" (I'll call them temporary faults) I saw in Star during the Wild East section was that he was even more enthusiastic and more proud than usual. But how couldn't he be when he met a member of the species that he has admired for so long because they have real cowboys and sheriffs on the surface (who are seen as brave heroes who deliver justice, while Star canonically feels like a nobody farmer). His posse should have realized Clover wouldn't be there forever and just let their boss enjoy himself with his "deputy who'd have to leave sooner or later anyway"(or be more patient with him/ask him why he feels this strongly towards Clover/if there's a deeper reason for that). His friends including Ceroba just turn their back on him so quickly instead. The moment he's gotten the chance to feel valued for once and put himself first and not have to take care of this whole town and everyone in it and live his dream of meeting a real human, suddenly "his personality is damaged?"
Star's literally built this whole town, organised everything, he worries about everyone, Ceroba (plus was the one to give her emotional strength before and after Clover's sacrifice), Kanako, the monsters, his family, struggles with feelings of worthlessness yet never wipes that smile off his face, always does his best to be hopeful and optimistic and make others laugh, gave his posse a nap time so they don't become exhausted, gave Ceroba a free home, didn't act upon his feelings towards her and was a 110% supportive, caring friend instead. THAT'S who he is. He's the papa bear of this friend group, the glue holding everyone together.
He was just *really* excited. Y'all know he's insecure and just wishes to escape who he is and yet y'all blame him for liking Clover so much. Yeah, the four are very clearly jealous. But why won't the four of you control your feelings for a while? As mentioned, Clover WILL HAVE TO LEAVE EVENTUALLY. They won't be Star's "deputy" forever (the kid who's just as into westerns as he is, who values justice just as much, who also values doing the right thing. Someone he clearly felt understood in the presence of, whom he loved; just look at the way he talks about Clove during Showdown). Star seems genuinely confused of what he did wrong poor guy just wanted to live his fantasy for once and feel important:

Even at the beginning Moray's like "oh no Martlet is upset" Mooch replies "don't be a buzzkill nothing exciting ever happens around here" and Ray's like "Yeah you've got a point"


If you all agreed to have a little fun with a human who will very soon leave forever why is Starlo's enthusiasm such a big problem? If the posse weren't into this after all (unless they were simply too jealous which could have been solved with a honest talk and a little patience) why are you doing this "rowdy" job with Star in the first place? Do you want your boring routine day to day life so much back? Or just for Clover to leave (which they will soon enough)? You, western enthusiasts, literally met a real human, A HUMAN FROM WESTERNS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PASSIONATELY INTO (clearly not as passionate as Star but passionate ENOUGH to understand where he's coming from).
... okay.
#Like idk if I'm being biased because Star is my favorite character but I kinda just started thinking more and more about this and... yeesh.#Felt like a BIT of an overreaction to blame Starlo this much#No wonder he cracked#and unlike with Ceroba we actually see him do his very best to “fix” what he did “wrong”#i feel so much sympathy for this guy man#WAY more than for Ceroba#sorry fox lady#uty#undertale yellow#starlo uty#uty starlo#like dude literally had to come crawling on his hands and knees for them to forgive him#what “loyal” “supportive” friends they all are#sobbing for star#poor poor man#meanwhile everyone forgave ceroba for much much MUCH worse#she didn't need to burst into tears and beg for forgiveness even though she SHOULD have#everyone forgives her immediately on the spot + she gets a hug from clover#I'm sorry Starlo#like how was he “selfish” and “reckless”#he did something for himself for the 1st time in his life#y'all are reckless too btw#you put yourself first ONCE and they call you selfish#Star had the right to be mad at them for attacking Clover for no reason other than jealousy#wdym he's throwing you around for human business you literally wanted this#he watched the tapes more than 50 times bc that's how much he hates himself#and yet he's still been doing EVERYTHING in his power to be there for EVERYBODY
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#putting thoughts into tags bc it feels more private#i apologize for disappearing again. i moved 4 times since last august and i havn't been the same since#its hard to want to get back into the cotl fandom after so long. i dont even log in anymore. not just to tumblr but to everything#and especially after the wider fandom readily adopted back fang after he changed his name and username to jayce / d*adlycaprinae#it just kinda erased what he put me and others through last year#i feel so forgotten#i got a reminder that i haven't been because of an attack on AF. I actually started crying bc of it- i was so overwhelmed in a nice way#my friends n mutuals are so nice to me#even if we dont talk anymore and i dont post anymore they still care#my cat anura also spontaneously got sick again last feb & still is sick n its taken up a lot of my time n energy trying to help her survive#shes doing better but still isnt a healthy weight#i think i'll post art again soon. when i feel better. its just that as it stands nothing i make feels good enough. not after moving 4 times#it kinda ruined my art n how i process it#im still doing AF this year though because i dont want to give up my streak. not after so long ok
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ref:

#I feel like I kinda fumbled the hair xD cause I went right in with pen started at the bangs thinking season 4 hair#but then went for long hair lmao so I feel like it doesn't really look like hange but it is#idk who or what this drawing trend is called but the model is so pretty#hange zoe#hanji zoe#hange zoe fanart#attack on titan fanart#watercolor sketch#violetscanfly#cw blood
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oooooo i need to talk abt heidrun so bad. a fun fact abt heidrun is that animals will sense that something is Off abt her. horses will become agitated around her cats will hiss at her farm animals will freeze or flee in fear and it's all very sad
#big fan of that trope where animals can sense when a human is really not a normal human...#oc: heidrun#meeko is a rare exception. he too is wary of heidrun at first but i like to think that he likes gore immediately#and since gore trusts heidrun. meeko decides he can trust heidrun too :)#i haven't figured out how they deal with count fleet tho. i believe a horse would always be more nervous than a dog..#i mean dogs are almost cousins to werewolves yea? but a horse is a prey animal and does not want to be near a wolf#so heidrun is never going to get a horse. but she would buy a horse for gore if he wanted one...#but like the reason to buy a horse for gore in game is. him not wanting to run on foot while ldb is on horseback. understandable#but if heidrun is never going to be on horseback?? and cant even be near a horse without scaring it...#maybe count fleet is an exceptionally brave horse. maybe he also takes an immediate liking to gore#and comes to tolerate heidrun. but heidrun knows not to go near him if gore isn't around hlkfgjhkl#in fact i like the idea of gore helping them get used to each other... it would be very sweet...#like yea fleet is nervous of course but heidrun is also nervous. because horses are big and can kick your face in if they feel threatened#and they just make each other's nervousness worse. so gore steps in and helps build some Trust between them <3#also imagine gore - before learning what heidrun is - wondering why animals r so scared of her#and heidrun panicking like ahah i dont know!!!!! i must smell real bad or something . anyway i saw a mudcrab the other day-#also yknow those dumb lycanthropy jokes gore makes sometimes. like oh i ate half my weight in food must be lycanthropy haha#the first time heidrun hears one from him she goes all ??? is it Just A Joke. or does he Know? do i laugh? do i tell him? or do i run away?#she is so fucking stressed man .#and then when the inevitable reveal happens... and gore does not attack her or run away...#she is going to be in utter disbelief. and then so relieved she probably starts crying#get accepted and cherished exactly as you are idiot 🫵❤️#also gore is Finally going to have a lightbulb moment like oooohhh THAT'S why she's always hungry and such a fitful sleeper...#tbf i think he would be able to put 2 and 2 together like. heidrun always eating + being kinda weird abt his joke that one time#but i also think this is way funnier. idk maybe somehow it just doesn't cross his mind#she hasn't even told him she left the vigilants so gore assumes she's in good standing with them#and why would he suspect a vigilant of being a werewolf.#anyway i need to write that fic where the reveal happens. i neeeeeeed toooooooooo i have it alllllll inside my head
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My weird relationship with the She-Ra franchise
#this is messy I know#feel free to ask me anything by the way if something isnt clear <3#please be kind and respectful btw. this is meant to attack anyone! just to share my feelings for maybe someone can relate <3#spop was my favorite show at one point and this is kinda how that relationship started to mud due to me growing more critical of it#as well as growing more and more uncomfortable in the fandom#I feel insanely guilty for being critical of the show#but I feel ignorant for shoving the criticisms aside#it has currently sucked out any of the joy I felt before#but 80s spop kinda lives outside of that context#it makes it safe for me#and I can at least in some way enjoy this franchise once dear to me again#she ra#spop#spop critical#again please dont be mean im already oof its been a lot#feel free to share your experiences though 💗#vent#vent comic#tw vent#fandom culture
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Well. I have to die
#on the verge of tear or an anxiety attack or both#just got so very obviously excluded from group work by my peers#like they kicked me out of my seat to go sit alone and everything#so now I’m doing this 4 person assignment by myself#which is. great#it’s not a huge thing. very accomplishable#but still. I’m just kinda upset . I’m the only one doing this alone#there was one other guy who was alone at the start. and I sat next to him thinking maybe we could do it tgt#and then the guy who kicked out of my seat asked him to join their group#and boom. all alone#it’s fine. I’m fine. I’ve got other friends#just stings a little. I’ve been trying so hard and people still hate having to work with me#feels like I’m back in elementary school when a teacher had to tell my classmates they were lucky to be grouped with me because I was smart#whatever. I don’t care. I’ll just do it myself
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Still no craft updates on account of I feel Bad* but I did get like half a beanie crocheted this weekend? I also have a bat that's haunting me. In that there's a bat design I desperately want to turn into a plushie not in that I am being literally haunted by a bat. As far as I know I am not haunted by a bat but to be fair I'm not confident I'd know? *my heart rate got high enough that made me cough but my asthma was flaring up enough that cough launched me into an asthma attack, which raised my heart rate even more, so basically I used my emergency inhaler and then was on the floor for a while. Feels bad! Do not recommend. I'm okay though just tired
#the person behind the yarn#the reason my heart rate got that high is that my pulse pressure was very narrow#which is. you know. bad.#so I finally gave in and took an extra dose of my meds (as my doctor has advised in the past)#what is probably happening is that I reached the point of stressed where my body couldn't cope#(I'm on long term steroids so I need stress doses if I get too stressed)#but! because acute stress can trigger an allergic reaction (yay MCAS) I tend to kinda...shunt stress off to the side#and come back to process it when it's less like. urgent? immediate?#when it no longer feels like it will trigger an MCAS flareup if I acknowledge the feeling exists#and I do go back and process those emotions! I just have to get a little distance first#and the work stress lately has been so unrelenting (combined with the like...general world news stress)#that I have been ignoring my own stress levels so hard I genuinely did not think I was stressed#or that I needed a stress dose of my meds but uh. I was wrong!#I was wrong. Good news is now that I know I should be good in a day or two#doc said three days for stress doses and today was day one#bad news is narrow pulse pressure combined with asthma attack feels Very Bad!#very bad indeed took me like 20-30 minutes and two different kinds of medication before I could talk normally#without having to pause and catch my breath midsentence#every time I start thinking 'you know maybe I'm not really disabled maybe my health stuff is under control'#it pops up like a jack in the box like surprise! it's the same thing again still here! the meds just hide it most of the time#but it's still there :) lurking :) when I least expect it :)#...I think I might buy myself another sticker or two. something to look forward to coming in the mail
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for context i only have a mini tazer not a real one so the risk is p minimal anyway. but also u never know. and theres like a rly small chance that i have a heart condition i dont know abt and ill have a heart attack or something so its safer to have some1 around
#um further context ive also done poppers. and those have a similar liklihood of triggering a heart attack in someone w a heart condition#(which like i said. p low)#its been many many months since ive done poppers too so. u never know i guess...#no option for me to just not do it cuz thats not an option sorry. im GONNA do it. possibly today possibly in a few weeks#honestly just typing this out an weighing the risk assessment im starting to rly feel like i should jus go ahead an do it an im jus#kinda scared#im running off a different adrenline rush tho so i should at least wait till tomorrow ig....#polls
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this really feels so silly to say but it really starts getting to me how #Real shadow the hedgehog gets. like idk i know his edgy backstory has been pretty much milked dry for years by now. but it does hit different in the animated episodes when i guess it stops being so cartoonish, and it goes out of the way to animate shadow having a ptsd panic attack again and again. its always been his thing but it feels more real now someway. (probably bc it isnt in a low poly video game)
i just dont really know how to feel, being a person who has ptsd and seeing it. i dont know if i should identify with it, if his ptsd, even if framed better, is still just part of a cartoonish edgy backstory, if it means anything. i don't know what i should think when it hurts to watch. it gets me uncomfortable i guess
#🧃.txt#its alwys kinda like this#when i often like or attach to a character because i relate somewhat to their experience with trauma/abuse/mental health stuff#and then i start feeling weird or dumb about it because its a very sensitive and personal subject to me#and it feels strange to pour those feelings into some random fictional character#then i start taking it too personal and then it gets upsetting more than enjoyable. abd i feel embarrassed and stupid for it#so really i dont know what to feel about seeing a cartoon animal having a trauma panic attack
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Ffxiv mobile is kinda fun guys
#I did the first 3 dungeons#I really like the addition of the dodge button#my only complaint is that sch is kinda boring at the start? lot of waiting for cooldowns#but I like the adaptation of mmo combat into a more free flowing mobile format#like it doesnt seem like theres a global cool down? so skills chain together differently#also its nice how jobs have more of their modern kits#like I was suprised to see summoner has actual summons#& sch has expedience as an early level skill#also all your standard attacks are aoe which is nice#some jobs....dont have good aoe feel in arr. looking at you drg#also if you cast a heal without a target itll auto target whoevers lowest hp (I think?) which is nice
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actually i can yap a little bit more abt goseiger here its my house. i grew up on wuxia so i always watch toku with an eye out for the fun choreo stuff and that's been some of my favourite parts of other seasons ive watched. and the fact that nobody manages to push gosei knight over until the third villain faction is so special to me. like he pretty much never gets those thrown across the screen in front of an explosion shots. every scene with the whole team being pushed back by a big attack is so funny bc everyone's rolling around on the floor while gosei knight's standing there like 🧍♂️
see what i mean
#not art#goseiger is not a very martially-focused season so seeing a character being shown so strongly through their choreo is really fun#grandpa batting away enemy attacks with one flick of his hand will never not be cool im sad to say#and like. other than this specifically goseiger does some really cool things with its shot composition and camera work sometimes#but especially relevant is at certain moments when it invokes iconic chambara stuff. like the sword slash -> fountain of spark#and that last attack against burajira of course#i feel like if i rewatch it i'll have more emotions abt the warstars and alata vs mons drake's first husband#but ngl i havent gotten properly into it yet at the warstars leg of the season lol. to me goseiger started out pretty slow#but hey im the guy who suffered through zyuohger for yamato's whale suit choreo so im sure if something lifechanging happened with#the warstars i wouldve noticed. i like most of the magic stuff going on with goseiger tho!#like in the middle of the last leg i had an epiphany that like. goseiger magic works kinda like folk buddhist enlightenment#if you achieve a deeper understanding of the scripture then you will be able to change people's heart and mind and throw fireball etc#which is why everyone was like learning lessons in the middle of fights and immediately became stronger while doing the same thing#and understanding this flipped my opinion on a buncha things in this season lmao#but also i just like that hyde's camimouflage came in clutch multiple times in fresh new ways like that's fun#while agri's stupid fucking rock throw works once. it's the best. uneven distribution
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