#started trying to justify and explain myself and just showed people how easy it is to fuck with me

[valtsv]

i need to remember that i can just not answer asks if they're stupid like nobody is forcing me to do that actually

[gatheredfates]

How To Win Friends and Influence People: Dawntrail Edition ☀️

I swear the title is a joke.

Listen, we all know I'm one to furiously and viscously encourage people to venture outside their box and meet people, and today is no different! With the launch of Dawntrail, we're likely to see a lot of cool new people in the community, so these are a couple of affirmations I employ to myself when reaching out. Feel free to use them to your benefit!

That little voice telling you the person will think you're annoying is probably a liar. In all the time I have reached out to people in this community, I have never once heard a complaint about being annoying, overbearing or too much. As long as you're not inappropriate, respect boundaries and go in with pure intentions, it is likely to be reciprocated.

If people don't want to interact with you, that is their loss. Rejection sucks, but you cannot let the fear of it rule your intentions. Don't hyper-fixate on the loss; simply block (if needed) and move on. Not only will you foster healthy relationships with people who reciprocate your efforts, you will avoid drama by respecting and enacting your own boundaries. Trust me when I say this will improve your whole experience.

You don't need to message people right away! Start by leaving nice tags on their gposes, writing, etc.; make conversation and comment on their posts. Work up to a message first if you're shy.

I don't know what kind of comment to leave, you say? Easy! Find one thing about what they've done that you like. For example, I'm often like 'wow the x colouring in this is amazing! i love how it makes the character pop'! It shows engagement with their work beyond the superficial. Trust me, when i get these kinds of tags, it makes my day.

Remember you get out of a community what you put into it. If you have a cool idea for a space/event/roleplay concept, promote it! If you think your character's story would bolster another persons', offer to write with them! Reach out to other places with similar or adjacent concepts and see if you can work together. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, so they say.

If it's within your blog's scope, reblogging other people's outreach posts/commissions/gposes/etc is a great way to engage with the community in a low-stakes way. If you need to make a sideblog for promotional stuff, do it! I prefer tags, personally, but you do you. The more approachable you look, the more people are going to contact you first.

Befriend people because you earnestly want to get to know them. "Popularity" is a farce. There are amazingly talented people who have a small group of friends because they're shy.

Eat food, drink water and take your medication before you do any of the aforementioned. Actually, just cover all those basis before you do anything. If you start dooming and glooming your efforts, have a nap (trust me, it worked for me last night!).

A couple of things to keep in mind on the other side:

You are not obligated to reciprocate someone's efforts.

"No." Is a full sentence. It's always preferable to be kind, but know your worth.

If that shit don't stick, hit da bricks!! You can leave!!

Always try to assume the best intentions of people.

Tools of moderation are not drama-mongering or nasty; they simply tailor your experience to what you want to see/experience. You don't need to justify your reasonings, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone; block and move on!! You don't need to make a big deal about it.

If anyone has anything else they want to add, please do! But this how I operate and it's never done me a disservice. ✨

[gregoftom]

i don't really know how to explain myself properly but i feel like some people are really concerned about Getting A Good Grade In Succession to the point where they've adopted a very cynical view of tg's relationship because being too earnest about them is ~not the point of the show~ or w/e. which is funny because every other relationship in the show is allowed to be nuanced but not theirs i guess? so you have people going "oh their relationship was only ever about them using each other from the start" when that's demonstrably not true and like. i have really mixed feelings about this season so far and i feel like anything could happen with them by virtue of weird writing choices and i hope with all my heart this doesn't end up being the case but even if the finale tries to diminish the depth of their relationship i don't understand the point of Us acting like there was never anything deeper there? but anyway, all this too say that i agree w/ you that the way people are very cynical and dismissive abt tg specifically has rubbed me the wrong way and thank u for your service ❤️

hiii sweet anon!

A GOOD GRADE IN SUCCESSION ASHAKJSA god honestly, i hear you.

i'm getting real tired of this "point of the show" shit bc it's like. just because tg isn't "the point", isn't a main focal plot [which it is, or at least is part of it], isn't integral to character development [which it is too; without tom greg would not be where he is now which is at a point where he actually could be seriously considered as a fucking CEO, without greg tom wouldn't have learned any self respect or self worth/we would never have been able to see him express himself beyond servitude towards shiv], it doesn't mean it can't be explored and considered as a serious part of the show?

media is created for us to enjoy. yes it's there to interpret and discuss but it doesn't always have to be that way? literally you can watch the show just for tomgreg and that is A OKAY. why? because you don't have to justify why you like something! surprise! and yeah i've noticed that too - other relationships get to be seen as nuanced, but not tg i guess. idk why, seeing as its dynamic is something to be studied under a microscope and fun to not only shippers but normies too lmao. clearly there is something more interesting to it than just, oh it's mutual corporate climbing.

exactly! there's even more contexts provided by the scripts, THE SACRED TEXTS lol that provide us with more knowledge and insight into the feelings of these characters, that show us that their relationship goes beyond using each other. there is an element of that of course, but that's not all they are. why reduce them to that when so very clearly on paper we are affirmed of what we thought we could read textually on the screen? it just baffles me.

i'm hoping too anon, like A Lot. from the looks of the trailer i have a. i have a little bit of hope. even if say, tom has to choose between greg and shiv, if he chooses shiv and has visible trouble with it, like it takes him time, it plagues him, it takes effort, it feels like a real decision affecting his life, like. that counts for something you know? that would, to me, not diminish his relationship with greg. obviously it would be heartbreaking after how loyal greg has been to tom, but the very fact that it would be difficult to tom would mean that greg is important to him in some fashion, and the show would be at least acknowledging it by doing that. like, it's that easy. i ain't asking for much. i know what i'd like, but what i would be satisfied/settle with, well i think the bar is reasonable, you know?

i'm glad you understand me! i mean, who knows maybe some of it is people trying to go on the defensive like, "it's the hope that kills you" so they are trying not to have any by lessening it, saying oh there was nothing there, there was no romance, nothing positive, it was all for mutual professional gain and that's it. but like, personally that doesn't work for me. i think you should at least acknowledge its importance otherwise we're regressing right back to the oh it's a mlm ship? never mind then. i'm not about that, i guess.

thanks for the message buddy god speed <3

[hippo-pot]

American Sign Language media content for receptive skills practice

Made this list because I really could have used it earlier on! My rubric is that it needs to include Deaf people signing, and that SimCom doesn't count (it may be present, but it can't be all there is).

This only includes stuff I've actually seen (or partially seen). Also, I'm including some warnings about what you may *not* want to watch, because again, I really could have used those warnings myself.

Easy (i.e. has subtitles and/or voiceover available, IIRC)

Mostly speaking:

CODA (movie; comedy/drama; on AppleTV+)

Kinderfänger (scary movie. Note that it has a 3.7/10 on IMDb. I personally liked it fwiw. not sure if it's streaming anywhere)

CODA (short film; on Kanopy)

Master of None S2.E6: New York, I Love You (TV show episode, currently on Netflix)

Wild Prairie Rose (drama/romance, currently on Peacock)

Queer Eye S8E4: Protect the Nest (reality TV, on Netflix)

CSI S11E13: The Two Mrs. Grissoms (crime show, Hulu)

ANTM Season 22 (the one with Nyle, obviously. I had to get this from the library on a DVD that, get this, had NO captions available. Not impressed. (The ASL was voiceovered))

Running Wild with Bear Grylls the Challenge S2E4: Troy Kotsur in the Scottish Highlands (reality TV, on Hulu I think)

CSI NY S3E12: Silent Night (crime show, Hulu). I found this one pretty ableist/audist (but it's hard to explain why without spoiling the whole thing - here's the summary if you're fine with spoilers: https://csi.fandom.com/wiki/Silent_Night) also the camera work sometimes seemed more interested in making the signing look artsy rather than making it legible lol

Sue Thomas, F. B. Eye (Peacock) - some episodes have lots of signing, some have none or close to it. Honestly it's pretty racist (the show came out 2002-2005. A lot of episodes are about terrorism, and they're constantly justifying racial profiling). If you can stomach that in exchange for surprisingly decent Deaf rep, here's a (probably incomplete) list of the ones with at least one non-Sue Deaf character, with a * if there are multiple: The Signing, The Heist*, He Said She Said, Girl Who Signed Wolf, Homeland Security, Bad Hair Day, Into Thin Air*, The Holocaust Survivor*, Elvis is in the Building*, Did She or Didn't She, The Fraternity*, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Troy Story*, Endings and Beginnings*. But yeah, I can't exactly recommend it, just trying to be honest about the pros and cons.

Switched at Birth - I really don't recommend this one either. I understand some people like it, but I have to give my disclaimer that if you watch a couple episodes and think "Well, I didn't like that, but maybe it will get better," lose that hope right now. To me, it only got worse. There is soooo much SimCom (yes, even later in the show when everyone should have learned to sign. Do NOT think there will be more or better signing later on). Daphne's actress has Meniere's disease; in a Reddit AMA, she said, quote, "Technically I am not deaf," so I really question why she was cast as the main Deaf character. Regardless of how she identifies, she is playing an experience she has not had; she isn't a native signer (she started learning in high school, not at age 3 like her character), and when she speaks in the show, she FAKES a "deaf accent". Also, this show is not as lighthearted as it looks, there are some truly disturbing plotlines that just get brushed over. Maybe you love this kind of drama - power to you. I'm just asking that if you watch a couple episodes and don't care for it, quit. Read some episode summaries on the wiki if you need to satisfy your curiosity, but don't hold out hope and watch almost 2 seasons' worth while feeling worse and worse about it l like I did. Moving on:

All or mostly signing:

Deaf U (reality show, on Netflix)

WHAT? (movie; comedy, silent movie; on Prime)

Blue Apple (creepy short film) https://media.gallaudet.edu/media/Blue+Apple+%281994%29/1_wke1swj2 also like. click around on the website. Gallaudet has soooooo much media available (plays, films, etc)

Scarecrow (creepy short film), also a Gallaudet production https://ssl.gallaudet.edu/videolibrary/?embed=16500 tbh there's not a ton of dialogue in this one, so maybe don't watch it if you don't like slow pacing

Don't Shoot the Messenger (raunchy YouTube series about an interpreter)

Barbie in ASL (On Max. It's the movie Barbie, but with a Deaf interpreter in the corner)

PBS also has some stuff with ASL interpretation. I didn't check everything so I don't know if they're all done by Deaf interpreters, but I recognized Jeremy Lee Stone as the interpreter for (at least some of) the Arthur episodes, and Lisa McBee for (at least some of) the Daniel Tiger ones https://pbskids.org/videos/american-sign-language-full-episodes

speaking of Jeremy Lee Stone, his Youtube channel is a great resource: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9HZ1JdV1Us

as are Nathie Marbury's storytelling videos https://www.youtube.com/@dawnsignpress/search?query=nathie

other kids' stories and resources for kids: https://www.youtube.com/@RMDSCO from Rocky Mountain Deaf School and https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhbEjnwOPpyIHotZrGLu68OGeEZlTuvbg from Texas School for the Deaf (some of these are captioned or follow along with a book that they show on screen, but some aren't)

a few nonfiction Youtube series: Daily Moth (general news), Atomic Hands (STEM education), Quantum ASL (STEM education - just a couple longer videos, the rest are basically dictionary entries), BEHEARDDC (prison abolition), Joel West Barish (travel), Rogan Shannon (queer topics), Melmira (interviews)

Sign with Robert (available for free on both Kanopy and Tubi): this is mostly just general ASL teaching, but there are some episodes specifically labeled receptive practice where he tells jokes and stories (25, 26, and 29 - for 26 and 29 they play the stories twice, with captions the second time so you can see what you missed, it's actually super nice haha)

her specific channel doesn't have much, but you can just look up Melanie McKay-Cody, who does research about Indigenous sign languages (she is herself Cherokee). Lots of videos from her all over Youtube

SoCal Stories (interviews with folks including Marlee Matlin, CJ Jones, Bernard Bragg...): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8T937th3Qg&list=PLwR2tgM-4_AYjBRvj3GWqWRjjMiZz_w8u this is part of the Youtube channel Convo Communications, which has tons of other stuff I haven't explored

ASL music videos: this list was curated by a Deaf person so I trust it https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx1wHz1f-8J_xKVdU7DGa5RWIwWzRWNVt

Deafies in Drag (Youtube comedy series)

Reverie (short film, drama. Heavy themes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiFWE6Mtpu0

Perfect Match (short film, drama / sci fi) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxE65yzMgyE

The Witnesses (short film, satire) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u9iQ_hjXDg

4 translations of MLK's I Have a Dream speech: Richard Bailey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H2-3O-NJFg (no captions or voiceover), JC Smith https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUmdM965Si8 , Takiyah Harris (rough video quality on this one) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiyG_h1tnZE , Missouri School for the Deaf students https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mmxJByigac

jooux (sexual wellness resource): https://www.youtube.com/@jooux/videos

Intermediate

Mostly Speaking:

Sound of Metal (movie; drama; on Prime) (the late-deafened characters are not played by Deaf actors, but there's still a lot of Deaf actors. Most of the signing is mid-movie, and if I remember correctly, some is not subtitled, while some is)

Children of a Lesser God (movie; available on Kanopy). The signing isn't subtitled (it's mostly voice-interpreted by another character) and also it was very hard to understand - I gather it leaned more toward SEE? So that's why it's in intermediate.

Star Trek TNG S2E5: Loud as a Whisper (on Paramount+): no subtitles; most of the signing is voice interpreted, but not all. All the ASL is in the 2nd half but there's still a good amount, I thought

All or mostly signing:

look up Gallaudet Theatre Arts on Youtube. There's actually a variety of levels here (of the two I've watched, Bunnicula has voiceover, but Midsummer Night's Dream doesn't. The audio/video quality isn't great on any of it). I'm listing it as Intermediate because for e.g. Shakespeare you can just look up the script of the play and have it in another tab to check what's going on.

Sign (short film; some sexual content) https://vimeo.com/157890479 I was able to understand most of this, which means it's a loooot easier than the Shakespeare, but yeah, no subtitles, no voiceover, no help

The Deaf Family (YouTube sitcom) (don't be fooled, only the first episode has subtitles) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1uuntQOPnw&list=PLx1wHz1f-8J9KzkK5lLO3z0wk64eUzo3Y

Deaf Traditions: Storytelling and Poetry https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIpW9QfUw6zwGKJ0N_HGH_8PnF8g7FSmg these range from easy to hard, I would say. No subtitles

Bonus warning categories:

Doesn't have as much signing as you'd think

(ranked roughly from most signing to least signing)

The Circle, Season 5 (reality show on Netflix. I did really enjoy the Deaf contestant but I definitely wanted more)

Fargo, season 1-ish (show; horror? On Hulu) I only watched a few episodes but Russell was only getting like 5 min screen time per episode and i wasn't enjoying the show otherwise, so it wasn't worth it for me personally

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist S1E9: Zoey's Extraordinary Silence (jukebox musical TV show. On Peacock)

Only Murders in the Building (mystery show on Hulu) - through the 4 seasons of the show, the Deaf character (Theo Dimas) is in 4 episodes, then 2, then 1, then 0. 🤷‍♀️

The Family Stone (I did enjoy the movie though tbh. on Hulu)

Curb Your Enthusiasm S12E3: Vertical Drop, Horizontal Tug (TV comedy, on Max) Troy only gets like 5 min of screentime 😭 he's an Academy Award winner...

Queer as Folk S1E4: F*ck Disabled People (on Peacock) (Nyle is in it but I don't think he even ever talks to anyone else who can sign? He's mostly communicating via writing)

Not Worth It

What the Bleep Do We Know: we attempted to watch this "doc" without realizing beforehand that it was all pseudoscience. Honestly, I'm not even sure there was signing in it? I think there was a little

Wonderstruck (2017). There are multiple Deaf actors on the roster. But not one of them gets to sign *anything* as far as I could tell. (One plays a character who hasn't learned to sign, I think at least two were playing hearing people (I do support Deaf actors taking hearing roles, but not if you're gonna take that as an excuse to do the reverse.... which this movie did.....), and some must have had barely any screentime). Two hearing actors get to sign (also the signing doesn't start til like the last 20 min of the movie), and two other hearing actors briefly fingerspell. 👎

Intentionally Didn't Watch (the summary was that bad)

These included Deaf people despite not really wanting them to exist!!!! (think along the lines of forcing ppl to get cochlear implants)

Scrubs S6E16, "My Words of Wisdom" https://scrubs.fandom.com/wiki/My_Words_of_Wisdom someone described this episode to me in a bit more detail than the summary here, and yeah. not good

House S5E22, "House Divided" https://house.fandom.com/wiki/House_Divided legit infuriating

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This week, I watched Zoe Coombs Marr’s Amazon special Bossy Bottom, from 2020. To be honest, I tried to watch it a few months ago, and gave up after about five minutes. I’d read about how she’s an Australian comedian who does this funny character called Dave, who’s a parody of all the tropes of misogynistic male comedians. I’d read that it was good, and was interested in knowing what it was like, so I checked out her special.

She spent the first five minutes explaining that she normally performs in character, but today she’s just here as herself, and she’s just going to do a bunch of really mundane straightforward jokes, and that’s it, she’s sick of trying to do anything intellectual or satirical or steeped in messages. I didn’t actually believe her – obviously I know that when comedians start their set by saying they’re going to be very straightforward, that means they’re actually going to do a bunch of weird complex things and pretending otherwise is part of the joke. But I just didn’t feel like sticking with it long enough to find out what her fakeout was, when I didn’t know her. And I’d come for the character, and it clearly was true that the character would not make an appearance in this show. I watched her make a few of the straightforward jokes she’d promised, and then turned it off.

This week, I read some more stuff about how great she is, and it made me give that special another try. It turns out that you should try a comedy special for more than five minutes before deciding if it’s for you. Because she gets barely past the five-minute mark because it gets more interesting. All the best comedy takes at least a little while to set up, I should have waited.

It was really, really good. She didn’t go into her Dave character at any point, but she did talk about him. Explained why and how she created the character, which I found fascinating even though I hadn’t seen the character. She covered big and tough topics like misogyny and hack jokes with a hell of a lot of nuance, considering how high she kept the laugh rate. It’s not easy to do nuance and laughs at the same time, but it think she managed. She deconstructed the hell out of the entire concept of stand-up, and she’s hardly the first person to do that, but I think she did it very well. As the show went along, it was like she was stepping further and further along a ladder, finding more and more steps that went deeper and deeper into the nature of stand-up, and deconstructing each step when she reached it.

Also, I have to admit that now that I watched it with more goodwill toward her, even her fairly straightforward jokes were pretty funny. I like a good mocking lesbian culture joke, and she had those abound. Sometimes, you just have to be in the right mood for a fisting joke, and then you’ll appreciate it. And by “you”, I mean “me”.

Honestly, I have been thinking lately of how much I appreciate lesbian/queer women’s comedy in general. There is a certain mental adjustment I have to do when I hear straight people make jokes about straight romance and sex, reminding myself that their lives work differently than mine, so I have to put myself in their shoes to understand why this is funny. Laughing at comedians always involves some amount of putting myself in other people’s shoes, but it is kind of fun when I hear a queer woman and don’t have to do the mental adjustment when it comes to the gender of herself or her partner. Yes, Zoe, I do know all those weird lesbian culture terms, and I agree with you, they’re weird! Good observation!

It was so good. Clearly a show by a seasoned professional. The perfect balance between laughs and shivers from hard-hitting emotional bits – mostly the former, the latter treated with quite a light touch, in there just enough to make us feel something. Some props and shit, some playing with timelines and the form, some fakeouts, all well justified. A carefully constructed structure. A couple of strong underlying points. The sense that she really had something to say, and didn’t just write this because it was a new year and she had to say something.

That show explained why she created her Dave character, and of course, it made me even more curious about what Dave is like. So I did some more Googling, and I found this – a recording of her full 2015 show, in character as Dave. The show was also called Dave. I watched that too, of course. I thought it wasn’t quite as good as Bossy Bottom, which I don’t think is because the character isn’t good, but more because Zoe Coombs Marr developed as a comedian between 2015 and 2020. This show was from when she was at an earlier version of her comedic abilities. But it was a funny character.

I think I got more out of the show because I’d seen her explanation for how that character came about, so if anyone’s interested in watching these, I recommend seeing Bossy Bottom and then Dave. Calling it less good than Bossy Bottom is not meant to suggest it isn’t good, because Bossy Bottom was very good. The show called Dave was also good. You could see her picking apart all these things a little at a time, could see the intention behind it, all in a good way. The way she picked on everything, not just the dramatic stuff. She did pick on the misogynistic male comedian who does rape joke material. But she also picked on the idea of a comedian who commits to a full hour without an hour of material, and got hilariously specific about her story of a new comedian who tries to cozy up to more established and successful comedians.

So I enjoyed that. I have to say, I’d kind of forgotten about this until I saw these shows, but Zoe Coombs Marr is part of the reason why I have it in my head that I’m not a big fan of the reviewer Brian Logan. I remember once reading a review in which he said he thought Zoe’s character Dave was too much of an exaggeration, male comedians – even the shitty sexist ones – aren’t really like that, and as a result, it doesn’t work all that well. I remember reading that months ago and thinking it suggests that Brian Logan doesn’t quite understand the concept of parody, because those are suppose to exaggerate real life. Except that obviously Brian Logan knows full well what a parody is, so clearly, he just chose to complain about someone taking the sort of exaggeration that parodies aim at people all the time, and aiming it at the concept of shitty male comedians.

But I also thought that to be fair, I haven’t seen the show, so maybe it was, in fact, too over-the-top to be funny. Maybe it really was so exaggerated that it couldn’t be recognized as an example of reality, and Brian Logan had a point in complaining about it. This is why I was surprised when I watched the show, and found that it was much tamer than I’d expected. It was barely and exaggeration. It was a bit of an exaggeration, but not much. I’ve seen plenty of male comedians at my local clubs and pubs who are pretty fucking close to that character. Especially in 2015, when I was in comedy clubs a lot because my brother was only a few years into his comedy career then, so I was still going to see him all the time. I remember what comedy was like in those clubs then, and the Dave character is really not far off. 2015 is the year of the Dave show that’s on Vimeo, and that Brian Logan review that claims the character is unrealistic is also from 2015. Brian Logan can shut up. Zoe Coombs Marr didn't exaggerate things nearly as much as she could have, given what club comedy was like then.

Not that it's all that different now. I heard a rape joke at a pub comedy night a few weeks ago. To their credit, the other comedians in the room all visibly cringed, and the host deftly hurried the guy offstage as quickly as he could. But still. It's not some long-forgotten relic.

Anyway, the point is that I really enjoyed Zoe Coombs Marr. I should have given her more of a chance earlier. Any stand-up hour should be given at least ten minutes before we give up on it.

[edelgarfield]

i was making a post abt lestat iwtv being bpd coded and how through that lens the way other characters treat him, and the way fans justify it rly unsettles me (i was focusing on the friends that i watched the show with, though im sure the fandom does it too, but im not touching that with a 10 ft pole)

but i stopped bc i realized i was pretending to talk abt lestat but i was actually talking abt me and watching the show & hearing the way my friends talk abt someone who exhibits symptoms of my disorder was really upsetting

so like there's a thousand posts in the bpd (and other communities on tumblr) that say something along the lines of "everyone's sympathetic until i start exhibiting symptoms of the mental illness i told you i have." and yes, that's true & it sucks.

but i was thinking abt past relationships & even some of the friendships that i have at the moment. people LOVE receiving affection & attention from people with bpd. like that's ALSO something that gets talked about all the time, we can be super compassionate, empathetic, etc etc. people love having someone they KNOW isn't going to leave, they love being able to walk in & out of my life at their leisure, they love getting showered with gifts & having someone who will do virtually anything for them. this is extremely common behavior.

those are all a direct result of my bpd. people don't care at all when i'm exhibiting THOSE symptoms. in fact they actively enjoy & benefit from it. people LOVE the fact that I have bpd. a TON of people actively encourage those symptoms and use them to their advantage. my fear of abandonment makes me extremely easy to manipulate and i've had PLENTY of people do that. my shittier friends will invoke my triggers or withhold affection or ghost me in order to get the response they want. they know they can win an argument by threatening to leave.

so people will actively encourage & use my bpd to their benefit, but then get upset with me as soon as i display a negative symptom of the disorder they've been encouraging. like obviously i'm 100% responsible for my behavior & no matter how i'm treated that's not an excuse to hurt another person or try to manipulate them.

but the "positive" symptoms of bpd (the affection & desperation & attention) don't feel positive for ME. they feel good on the receiving end but for me it's still awful, I'm panicking & empty and it hurts a lot. but nobody cares how I feel, they only care how my disorder affects them. and i work really hard to regulate & control myself! it takes a lot of effort on my part to keep my bpd from hurting other people but no one thinks about how their actions hurt me. like again it's not other people's job to manage my illness but there's also a bunch of extremely minor things people could do that would make it 100x easier on me. but i feel like i can't ask for them bc any time someone w/ bpd asks for ANYTHING it's seen as manipulative & toxic. i'm always second guessing whether it's "okay" to be honest about how i'm feeling bc i worry about even accidentally making someone feel pressured to help me. i feel like i can't explain that i have bpd bc as soon as i do people will see any emotional vulnerability from me as a form of manipulation.

so like, it just feels incredibly unfair that people are allowed to manipulate & benefit & enjoy the symptoms of my disorder no matter how much it hurts me, but as soon as it affects them in a way they don't like, i'm manipulative & an inherently bad person and all the things they enjoyed about me previously are suddenly recolored as an elaborate scheme. like i'm 100% responsible for any emotional manipulation or cruelty that's caused by my bpd, that's completely fair. but nobody cares about the way people use my bpd for their own benefit or use it to manipulate me, that's just considered acceptable. if someone is benefiting from my bpd in a way that hurts me, nobody cares bc i'm just crazy and it's my fault for getting hurt,

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Ficlet: As Always

It was hazy,

The room was dark and unfamiliar.

"Where am I." A blond teen questioned as he tried to look around only to see darkness.

"The place doesn't matter. What matters is that you are here Adrien." Another voice spoke up. It felt sinister yet familiar.

The model got into a fighting stance.

"How do you know my name?"

"Relax, I am not here to fight you." The voice assured.

Adrien looked to his jacket pocket, expecting his Kwami to be there. But the black cat was not there.

As his eyes adjusted to the dark room, he realized he didn't have his ring either.

"Looking for your miraculous? Im afraid it isn't here." The voice explained.

"What did you do? What did you do to Plagg. Do you work for Shadowmoth!?" Adrien accused. His fists clenched and his face showing visible rage.

"I have done nothing to your Kwami Companion. I am not your enemy Adrien. In fact, I am a friend."

"A friend? I don't think I like the idea of being friends with you." Adrien responded.

The voice began laughing.

"You think you have a choice? You are running out of options for friends."

"I have plenty of friends!" Adrien shot back.

"Do you now?"

"Yes! Lots of them. My classmates for one!"

"Ah yes, because that won't simply end after you change classes."

"There's Plagg, Ladybug, Nino, Marinette, Kagami, Chloé and thats just off the top of my head."

The haze in the room starts moving.

"Ah yes, your childhood friend chloé."

The room lights up, showing a memory of Adrien trying to reach out to Chloé over the whole movie debacle. But Chloé runs off.

"You ended that one pretty quickly didn't you. Though to be fair, she was an awful person." the voice mocked.

Adrien growled but quickly recovered. He knew that the disembodied voice was trying to get to him.

"But that was an easy one, lets go on to your ex."

The memory of chloé being shown shifted to the memory of Adrien's break up with Kagami.

"Such a harsh end, but you really didn't give her much of a choice did you Adrien? If not for your parents, she would likely have nothing to do with you."

"She... we needed some time apart. It doesn't mean we aren't friends..." Adrien spoke, more to convince himself than the voice.

"Now lets shift to Marinette. Considering how she tries to avoid you at every turn. I wouldn't call that friendship."

Memories shifting to show marinette's jumpy behavior, and how she avoids him at times. Adrien remembered each of those moments, not really getting a read on Marinette.

"She is able to make friends with others so easily, yet your dynamic with her is... stagnant."

Memories of Adrien seeing how Marinette talked with other classmates, other friends. He had to admit it was true. Marinette did always seem so close yet far away.

"And then there is your 'Friend' Nino."

The haze shifted to reveal his glasses wearing friend.

"All the times you missed hang outs, the last minute ditching, the inability to stand up to your father. You only cause him pain."

The memories of each apology he made before running off, the memory of seeing Nino consumed with guilt over him. It stung.

"Stop, you are just showing the bad times! There are more than enough good times. Your little trick won't work for Ladybug or Plagg."

"Oh I wasn't going to bother showing memories of those two. Because there is no point to it." The voice jeers.

Adrien felt his anger flare. The voice continues.

Suddenly the haze around them turned into a view of the solar system.

"Kwami live for eons. Your life to Plagg, a being that specializes in death and decay. Your life span is the equivalent to him blinking. He will forget about you not long after your gone. You were just one holder of his, and even if you are his favorite one now, that can easily change. You are as small as grain of sand is to the solar system "

Adrien held in his pain, those words stung to hear. But it was true, whatever he and Plagg did have was not an equal friendship, not like he had with other people. Even if he did cherish it.

"There is Ladybug! Thats a friendship on equal terms! Try ruining that one."

The voice was silent for a moment. Adrien felt that he had stumped the mysterious voice. Only for the voice to start cackling.

"Equal? Friendship?! Your dynamic is the worst one of all your little 'Friendships.'"

"Lies! You don't understand our bond! Im irreplaceable to her! She said she couldn't be Ladybug without me."

"She seemed to get on fine whenever you're incapacitated. Like say... mindcontrolled, turned into a golden statue, turned into a zombie, transformed into a pigeon. All of those times she was able to figure it out. She can be ladybug plenty fine without you."

"There is more to it! We trust each other!"

"Is that why she trusts Rena Rouge more than you?"

"..W...What?" Adrien felt his voice shake.

"Dont pretend you didn't realize it. You are not as foolish as they think you are. Rena Rouge always showing up whenever Ladybug is in a tight spot. She showed up with Kaalki when you and Marinette were trapped in an elevator."

The memory of that moment appearing in the haze.

"Ladybug.... could have sent her to do that." Adrien tried to justify.

"If Ladybug was there at all, she understands how dangerous Kwami using their powers are. It must have been a dire situation. And Rena Rouge had access to the other miraculous?"

Adrien felt himself pause.

"She can trust other people. There is nothing wrong with that?"

"Face the Truth Adrien, you aren't Ladybug's partner anymore. Your the last remnant of Fu that she keeps around out of nostalgia. You staying as chat noir is temporary, she didn't pick you to be her partner. Now she is the guardian, and she is picking who to trust. Its only a matter of time before she realizes the ones she can't trust enough."

Adrien felt tears stream down his cheeks.

"Stop it!"

"Whats worse is that when she does, she takes plagg with her. You lose both of them." The voice's tone softens, almost trying to cushion the blow.

"You don't know anything about me! You don't know anything!"

"I know that you're alone as always."

Adrien screamed in rage and sorrow. the haze showing the memories vanished.

It was dark again. Adrien had slid to his knees.

"You don't know..." He muttered

"Oh but Adrien, I know you better than you think." The voice said as the blond felt a hand on his shoulder.

Adrien looked up to see a greater with soulless green eyes.

"I think I know myself pretty well."

_________________________________________________________

Adrien's eyes shot open.

He was back in his room. On the pillow next to him, he saw his kwami sleeping soundly.

He touched his forehead. He could feel himself sweat. He needed some water.

He got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom. He took a glass and filled it up. Taking a moment, he looked at the mirror.

There he saw that his reflection was that of a blond clad in a black cat costume. And the reflection started to speak.

"I know you very well Adrien."

[notdonesimpin]

Point Of View ~k.b.~

katsuki bakugou x gn!reader

warnings: fluff

synopsis: no one believes that katsuki is a good boyfriend until they see if for themselves AKA the three times people how sweet bakugou can be.

a/n: ah so i’ve neglected bnha quite a bit.. debated keeping this to myself but everyone needs a bit of soft and respectful bakugou. hope you enjoy :)

You weren’t oblivious to the worry and concern in people’s eyes when you told them that Bakugou was your boyfriend. The two most infamous things said in response were: “You’re joking, right?” and “Are you okay? Does he get violent with you?”

It was quite frustrating to reassure people that being with him was okay. You know he's a good guy. Why does everyone assume that he’d be a shitty boyfriend? Why doesn’t Bakugou want other people to see the more tame side of him that he’d developed the past two years you’d been together?

Everyone learned to just take your word for it, though they’d never really seen him be affectionate with you. That’s why it was so shocking once they actually saw the true nature of your relationship with him.

1: Your Parents

“Bakugo!” your little sister yelled, running up to hold onto his leg.

His eyes widened as he looked down at her, confused as to where she came from. “Hey, Rugrat. What are you doing running around by yourself?”

“Mom and Dad are over there!” she points to a store in the distance and continues talking, “Are you here with my sibling?”

She stepped back, grabbing onto his extended hand as they walked towards your parents.

“Not right now. They’re here somewhere with their friends.”

“I thought you were their friend,” she pouted, “Are you guys not friends anymore?”

Bakugou sighed, “I’m a different kind of friend, Rugrat.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tenshi! There you are!” your mom says, rushing over to the two of them.

“She saw me and ran over. Sorry about that,” Bakugou awkwardly scratched the back of his head, feeling uncomfortable with the apology passing through his lips.

“She must really like you, then. She never does this with anyone,” you mom notes, slightly impressed that he won your sister over within a few short months.

He softly smiles, looking down at her, “I think we just understand each other.”

“You still haven’t told me what’s so different about you being friends with Y/N!” she points at him.

He squats down to chat with her, “It’s the kind of friend that gets to hang out with a cool kid like you in their free time.”

“That’s the best!” she exclaims.

Bakugou’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it out to see a text from you that asked where he was. “I have to go, but I’ll see you at your birthday party.”

“Promise?” She sticks out her pinky.

“Promise.” 

He clasps his pinky who hers quickly before getting up and saying a quick goodbye to your mother and rushing off.

Tenshi grabbed your mother’s hand as they watched him. 

You came into view with a few bags on your arms and he immediately took them from you despite your apparent protest and gave you a quick kiss before walking in the opposite direction.

Your mother realized that she may have had the wrong idea about Bakugo this entire time.

2: Class 1-A

“How are you not sore from weight training yesterday?” you whine as you both walk towards the classroom.

“I train all the time. You just aren’t used to it,” he smirks, nudging you slightly with his arm.

“Whatever. You didn’t even go easy on me, a beginner.”

“I’ve never gone easy on you. Why would I start now?”

“Fair point,” you shrug as you walk through the classroom door and all eyes immediately fall on the two of you.

“There’s the cutest couple in school!” Mina exclaims.

You both look at her bewildered by her statement.

“I didn’t know Bakugou actually had a heart,” Iida muttered, looking at something on Kirishima’s desk.

“What did you do?” Bakugou whispers with a hint of agitation in his voice. 

“I didn’t do anything. I have no clue what they’re talking about!”

“Kirishima saw you guys at the New Year’s Festival. He took a really cute picture of you guys!” Kaminari explained, walking over to show you both the picture on his phone.

You both looked at it to see your little sister, Tenshi, on his shoulders with a smile on her face as she pointed at one of the booths. Bakugo had one hand keeping her stable on his shoulder and the other was laced with yours. He had a large smile on his face as if he was laughing at something you said.

“What were you guys talking about?” Mina asks.

“None of your fucking business,” Bakugou grumbled, pushing past all of them to his seat with you in tow as he continued, “If you ask us another question, I will kill all of you.”

“Bakubro, they wouldn’t let you kill us even if you wanted to,” Kirishima laughed.

“You even gave them your jacket!” Sero exclaimed, “I remember when you tried to fight me for even trying to borrow a blanket when we were in your room!”

“He can’t let his precious girl get cold,” Kaminari sang.

Bakugou grumbled, crossing his arms as he sat down, knowing that anything he said would only fuel the fire.

3: His Parents

“Holy shit!” you exclaimed as your umbrella bent backwards, officially breaking after three long years of service.

The rain didn’t even have a chance to touch your body before Bakugo quietly handed his umbrella over to you, taking the broken one from you. “Don’t need you catching a cold.”

As soon as you took it from him, he took his jacket off and wrapped it around your backpack. He forced your broken one closed and held onto it to throw away later.

“Katsuki, you’re going to get soaked,” you tried to argue.

“I’ll be fine. My backpack is waterproof.”

“At least get under the umbrella. What if you catch a cold?”

“It isn’t big enough to even cover your backpack, dumbass. I’ll be fine. I haven’t gotten sick in years.”

“I’ll just put my hood on until we get to your house and then walk home from there with the umbrella.”

“Not happening, I’m taking you home. I can’t let you walk by yourself.”

Thirty minutes later, Bakugou walked through the door absolutely soaked from head to toe with two broken umbrellas in his hand and his jacket wrapped around his waist.. 

He let out a huge sigh as he dropped his backpack and took off his shoes.

“Katsuki, I need-” Mitsuki’s eyes widened as she looked at him.”Go get out of those clothes and take a shower! You’re going to catch a cold in those if you stay in them any longer!”

“You don’t have to yell, you old hag!” he snapped as he walked to the bathroom.

After he showered and put on some warmer clothes, he was met with the curious eyes of his mother and father as he took his towels and clothes to the washing machine.

“What?” he questioned, pausing on his way.

“You had two broken umbrellas and were absolutely soaked. What happened?”

“Y/N’s umbrella broke, so I gave them mine. It’s too small to do anything but cover their body, so I wrapped my jacket around their backpack so their stuff didn’t get wet. I was soaked by the time we got to their house, so there was no point in putting my jacket back on, but I promised them that I’d use the umbrella on the way back and it broke from the wind.”

Their jaws dropped.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he grumbled and justified himself, “I didn’t want them getting sick. They don't take good care of themself when they feel bad. Can I go to my room?”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll let you know when dinner’s ready,” Masaru said.

Katsuki walks off without another word.

The next morning, Mitsuki was yelling at Katsuki to get up from the other side of the house, but she wasn’t getting the usual response back. 

She paused outside his door when he heard the low murmur of his voice as if he was on the phone and slowly cracked the door open.

“Do you want me to come over?” she heard you ask.

“No, I can’t take care of you and me. If you catch my cold, you won’t eat like you’re supposed to. I swear you’re like an annoying little child when you’re sick.”

“Always so mean,” you laugh, “I can take care of myself, Katsuki.”

“I know you can, but I want to take care of you, so shut up,” he coughed, “And don’t hang up on me until you are inside of the school safe!”

“I feel so bad. You got sick because of me.”

“Well, make it up to me by kicking ass in class today, okay?”

“Don’t I always?” you tease, causing him to softly laugh.

Mitsuki smiled to herself as she quietly closed the door, hoping that you’d be in her son’s life forever.

[anonymousweirdo]

My favourite Loki

“You know I’m not really his favourite.”

Loki’s brow furrowed temporarily at the unexpectedness of Sylvie’s sudden proclamation. “Okay.” He huffed.

“Wow you’re not even trying to hide your jealousy there I see.” Sylvie chastised smugly.

“I’m not jealous.” Loki stated seeing Sylvie raise an amused eyebrow he continued, “I can see that it would seem that I am because I said that rather quickly but believe me I am not in the slightest.”

“Oookay.” Sylvie replied rolling her eyes. “I mean he may have looked at me as he said it but he meant it about you.”

A few moments passed between the two as they continued on their way.

“Now really. Why should I care if Mobius likes you more than me?” Loki said carefully and deliberately making sure he had a perfect evenness to his tone.

“Oh I don’t know why but you do.” Replied Sylvie.

“I’m not even going to dignify you with a response.”

“Tell you what.” Remarked Sylvie. “I’ve never been one to turndown a wager and I’m sure you’re the same. I have an idea to propose about our little Mobius situation.”

She smiled at Loki who was waiting for her to continue. Realising she wouldn’t unless he further prompted her he reluctantly said. “Alright but the stakes better be high.”

Sylvie’s face instantly brightened with a deviant smile, “Oh believe me they are.”

Loki didn’t like the way she said this but really wanted to beat her at her own game so he said, “Well let’s have it.”

“Next time we meet Mobius we’ll figure out for certain which one of us he likes more. If it turns out you’re right and he likes me more I’ll teach you all I know about enchantment. However...” she smiled wickedly, “If it turns out I’m right, which I certainly am, and you’re his absolute favourite you have to kiss him.”

Loki felt his heart leap at this but ignored it and refused to show any sign of embarrassment or emotion whatsoever. He stretched out his hand to seal the deal and smiled smoothly. “You’re on.”

“Great!!” She enthusiastically shook his hand, “I hope you’re as smooth a kisser as you are a talker.” She teased.

“And I hope you won’t look too idiotic, which you will, when you become enchanted by the very person you taught enchantment to.” Loki smiled keenly.

***

Meanwhile Mobius had his fair share to deal with as taking down the TVA was no easy task. He had however found deep within himself courage and was heavily determined. Whether he admitted it or not Loki had really inspired him to think for himself and what he truly wanted in life. Not what certain higher beings dictated was ‘sacred’ or ‘supposed’ to happen.

Comforting Ravonna with all this proved to go as unfavourably as expected. She of course didn’t see it that way and was used to the idea of ‘timekeepers’ controlling the universe. Not to mention the last time they had met she ordered him to be pruned. He held nothing against her in fact he still respected her in a way. Perhaps that’s why instead of banishing her to somewhere awful or locking her away he sent her to where she was really from. Her life before she joined the TVA. She may have gone unwillingly but perhaps in the end her mind, or rather her heart, would change.

Regardless Mobius hoped for the best. He was startled by a TemPad portal opening which Loki and Sylvie stumbled clumsily out of. He couldn’t help but grin wildly at the sight of them, both relieved to know they were safe and heavily amused at the way they lay on the floor in tangled mess.

Loki quickly got up as though he hadn’t fallen in the first place and gave Mobius a quick half smile. “Well. You were right about one thing. We did manage to see each other again.”

“That we have.” Said an amused Mobius.

“If you two are through flirting I’d appreciate a hand.” Sylvie announced still positioned uncomfortably on the ground.

Mobius reached down and offered her a hand kindly helping her to her feet. “So,” he started, “How’d meeting the almighty timekeepers go?”

“Well it wa-“ Loki was cut off by Sylvie.

“It went well but we have more pressing matters now.”

Mobius raised an amused eyebrow “More important... huh.” He muttered.

“Which one of us do you like more?” She said bluntly.

Loki grimaced for but a moment then stated, “What Sylvie means is, we have a wager, that has very high stakes involved, which depends on your answer to this question. It’s not that it’s all terribly important... just another way to see which one of us is the superior Loki you see.”

Mobius surprised just stared at the both of them in wonder thoroughly entertained. “Well well well!”

“I already know your answer and it’s him.” Sylvie declared jabbing a finger in Loki’s general direction, ”So you needn’t draw it out.”

“Hey now, that’s rather presumptions besides being clearly inaccurate.” Loki remarked. Shifting his attention to Mobius he said matter of factly, “You said ‘you’re my favourite’ while looking at her. Besides she really is quite deviant and not fully unpleasant to look at.”

“Why thank you.” Said Sylvie who had never received such a wonderful backhanded compliment in all her life. “But...” she now looked at Mobius, “You realise he’s much more of a Loki than I am, if I can even be called a Loki. And it is Loki’s you’re fond of not to mention you’ve gotten to know one another so much more than you and I have.”

“But!” Interrupted Loki who was trying his absolute best to convince Mobius Sylvie was the more favourable of the two of them. “She has really amazing fighting skills and is quite crafty plus she knows enchantment. Also you’ve made it clear you consider her the ‘superior’ Loki.”

“Just because he recognises-“

She was cut short by Loki, “Considers.”

“Whatever,” she continued, “Me as the superior Loki doesn’t mean I’m his favourite.”

“Yes well-“

Loki was stopped by a soft chuckle emanating from Mobius.

“Wow... I don’t think I’ve ever been fought over this much in my life even my previous one. If I was I know I’d never forget it. Gotta say I’m flattered!” He raised both hands in a showy shrug.

“We’re not fighting over you we’re simply trying to get an answer out of you so I can prove to her that I’m clearly the superior Loki and claim my prize.” Loki professed.

“Oh really?” Said Mobius who could see right through Loki as he usually does, “Because it really sounds to me like you’re fighting over me.”

“We are absolutely n-“

“Ugh just answer the question already!” Moaned an exasperated Sylvie.

“Well...” Mobius hesitated immensely enjoying the whole situation. “Unlike the two of you I don’t lie so in all honesty....”

Loki could hardly take the build up. Feeling his heart grow faster with every millisecond that went by and absolutely hating it.

“You’re both my favourite.” Mobius simply said at last.

“Oh.” Loki and Sylvie uttered in unison

Loki turned to face Sylvie, “I guess we were both wrong.”

“Yeah... I guess we were both right too.”

“You know...” she continued a little smile growing across her face, “I’ll still teach you a little enchantment if you do you know what.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Your loss.” She shrugged, “Guess I’ll just always be the superior Loki.”

“Now that’s just cruel.”

Loki had a million thoughts cascading around in his head trying to ignore most of them he in the end couldn’t ignore his pride and with a reluctant sigh stepped towards Mobius.

“My friend,” He started. “Um well you see. We had this wager on who your favourite was obviously you know this but well.”

His confidence wavering he tried his best to explain the details without showing any sign of embarrassment or foolishness. He failed immensely.

“And it’s just that the stakes were I mean are quite high. She,” Loki glared in Sylvie’s direction who friendly waved at him, “Offered to teach me enchantment and still will if I hold up my end of the bargain.”

“So hold up your end of the bargain.” Said Mobius very amused at how flustered Loki was. How Loki was currently the complete opposite of how he always tried to make people perceive him. Instead of being confident and prideful Loki was uncertain and bashful which Mobius found rather endearing.

“Yes well.” Loki smiled painfully, “That’s the thing. I know I lie a lot but believe me. Believe me this was her idea.”

Mobius waited for him to continue pleased at the whole situation.

“Um.” Loki cleared his throat then let it all out abruptly, “If I kiss you then she’ll teach me enchantment.”

“Is that so?” Mobius said looking at Sylvie who was behind Loki.

She met his gaze and nodded enthusiastically.

W-o-w silently mouthed Mobius.

“Believe me if there was any another way I’d choose it instead but this is my only option.” Mumbled a throughly flushed Loki.

“Alright. Give it a go.” Said Mobius.

“Wait really?” Said a rather taken aback Loki.

Mobius chuckled, “Sure why not. You really can’t stand being second place can you?”

Loki uncomfortable and not knowing at this point how he even wanted to respond. Just lamely said “Okay well don’t blame me if she becomes your favourite after this.”

“Oh don’t worry I won’t.” Said Mobius looking as unbothered as Loki was uncomfortable.

Loki slowly inched forward towards Mobius and all those thoughts started to race through his head again much too quickly. All those feelings. All those things he doesn’t allow himself to process or even consider.

Seeing his friend step closer leaning into him only made it so much worse. His friend. Loki couldn’t recall if he could truly say that about anyone else. Other than Sylvie of course. Maybe that’s why this whole situation was driving him mad.

Just as their faces were mere inches apart Loki drew back forcefully. And exclaimed with a very offputing bitterness to his tone, “Actually there’s really no need for any of this I’m clearly the superior Loki. I don’t need to justify that to either of you.”

Mobius just stood there slightly stunned.

Sylvie just stood behind the both of them no longer smiling.

Loki continued to fill the suffocating silence that was quickly enveloping them. “Besides I can teach enchantment to myself it’s not like I need anyone for that.”

“Loki.” Mobius prompted gently.

“It’s not like I need anyone in general for that matter.” Loki declared refusing to acknowledge or except the tears that threatened to stream from his eyes. He turned away thinking of leaving. Of grabbing the TemPad and just going wherever it would take him. He closed his eyes and said scathingly “This was fun while it lasted but who are we kidding.”

“Stop it.” Said Sylvie who couldn’t bear it any longer. “Just please... stop lying.”

Loki completely lost in his own head and heart suddenly felt something warm wrap around him. He opened his eyes to see both Mobius and Sylvie who had caught him in a group hug.

“I used to think I didn’t need anyone either.” Muttered Sylvie who’s face was tightly pressed into his shoulder. “But no matter how many times I told myself that lie it didn’t make it true.”

Loki felt Mobius’ breath tickle his neck as he softly said, “Loki you may lie in order to not let anyone get close to you, know you, or love you, but that won’t stop us.”

And in an instant all the lies Loki told himself about how he felt about other people, how he felt about caring for others and being cared for, shattered with the simple realisation of a simple truth. He wasn’t wrong. He truly didn’t need anyone he just needed his friends.

Loki put his arms around the both of them finally letting go of his fear of being loved. Then hesitating for but a moment he tenderly placed a soft kiss on Mobius’ cheek first then on Sylvie’s.

They stayed like that for a while longer all embracing one another. Until Sylvie happily muttered, “Guess I have to teach you enchantment after all.”

Loki let forth an amused short snort of laughter. “Well I guess you do.”

“And you guys honestly thought I could choose between the two of you.” Mobius shook his head amused, “Look at you, you’re adorable!”

“We are aren’t we?” Said Sylvie owning it.

Loki just smiled genuinely. Happily. Warmly. Knowing without a doubt in his mind that he had found his favourite people of all time.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Tedious Joys - Chapter 8 - END

- Ao3 link -

“You’re not going to like what we’ve decided,” Lao Nie said.

Lan Qiren could have guessed that from the way that the other man had marched into the room and promptly used Lan Qiren’s thigh as a pillow, primarily, Lan Qiren suspected, because he didn’t want to have to look Lan Qiren in the face.

It was a common tactic of his these days. The Nie clan had always been inclined towards tactile behavior and a certain lack of personal boundaries – personal information was too much to share, but apparently bodies were free game – and Lao Nie had very quickly transitioned from embarrassment to taking advantage of his newfound dependency on regular physical contact with Lan Qiren. Much to Lan Qiren’s relief, they had managed, with some experimenting and considerable effort on all parts involved, for Lao Nie to form a bond directly with the jade pendant. Now, as long as he carried the pendant, he was able to be by himself for a shichen or so without experiencing any degradation in his mental state – and that, in turn, enabled them both to separate and allowed them both some measure of privacy.

Unfortunately, after that shichen was over, Lao Nie would begin to become irritable and irrational again, his eyes slowly becoming bloodshot as the rage and resentful energy contained now wholly within him, rather than in the jade – in Jiwei, rather – began to need to be excised. Exercise and cultivation with a heavy training saber helped slow the effects, as did Lan Qiren’s musical efforts to calm and clear his mind, but Lao Nie’s cultivation was simply too high for it to last for very long. It was as if half his meridians had vanished overnight and yet he continued to cultivate as he did before; it was as if his dominant arm had been abruptly cut off, and yet he instinctively continued to try to do everything he previously could. He needed his saber to complete even a standard circulation of his qi, and short of suppressing his spiritual energy entirely (another experiment that met with some limited success, getting them another two shichen of time apart if they really needed it, but which was not a long-term solution given the unfortunate side effects), he had to have access to it.

Currently, that access was through Lan Qiren.

“If you’re warning me in advance, I’m quite certain that I won’t like it,” he said mildly, continuing to play uninterrupted. He wasn’t cultivating anything at the moment – the piece he was working on was actually a refinement of the music he’d inadvertently created in his grief at Cangse Sanren’s death, the one that had made his normally very stable nephews burst into tears, and he didn’t want to add spiritual energy to it until he’d worked out exactly how he wanted it to go. He reached an appropriate stopping place, noted down a few revisions to the score, and put his guqin aside. “You should tell me about it regardless.”

Lao Nie exhaled. “Well, good news first – the smiths have finally finished conferring and they’ve concluded that they believe it’s possible to try reforging Jiwei, so they’re willing to give it a try.”

“Good,” Lan Qiren said. He hadn’t really understood the spiritual weaponsmiths’ reluctance on the subject, but he respected their expertise as craftsmen, just as they respected his as a musician. “Once the saber has been remade, I can reestablish the resonance between them and, in theory, Jiwei should be able to use that pathway to return - and with greater ease, as she would be returning to her more familiar self.”

“Not that easy, unfortunately,” Lao Nie said regretfully. “Jiwei was shattered. To remake the blade, they will need to – for want of a better explanation – melt her down and start entirely afresh. It will be like having a wholly different saber, albeit with the same metal that she’s used to.”

Lan Qiren frowned.

“There, you see the issue. If it’s a new saber, the familiarity will be absent. We will need to work on reestablishing the resonance the way we did with the pendant, and that means –”

“Slowly.” Lan Qiren’s frown deepened. It had taken him years to establish that initial resonance, and knowing how it was done could only reduce the process by so much. “That is indeed a problem. I cannot stay here as long as that would take. In all truth, I am surprised that I have not already been summoned back by my sect…”

“Oh, you have,” Lao Nie said cheerfully. “A-Jue burned the letters and told the messengers to fuck off.”

Lan Qiren’s jaw dropped. “He did what?!”

“Did we not say? You’ve officially been kidnapped! Well, no, really it’s more of a hostage exchange situation, since they have A-Sang with them…oh, don’t look so horrified, Qiren,” Lao Nie said, starting to laugh. “Your sect elders have indicated that no offense was taken, under the circumstances.”

“Circumstances?!” Lan Qiren spluttered a little. “You’re not serious! What circumstances could justify one sect kidnapping another sect’s sect leader, acting or otherwise?!”

Lao Nie stopped laughing, the sound cutting off as if he’d been choked. “Yes, well,” he said, closing his eyes. “That’s the part you’re really not going to like.”

Lan Qiren determinedly prodded at Lao Nie’s shoulder until the other man, grumbling, sat up and took a proper seat so that they could have this discussion face-to-face. Their knees remained touching, which was good enough, and about all that the scoundrel deserved at the moment.

“Explain,” Lan Qiren ordered, and Lao Nie dipped his head into a nod.

“There are several relevant points,” he said crisply, dropping into the familiar pattern of a report. “First, Hanhan has clearly decided that he wants me dead –”

“Must you?” Lan Qiren interjected, even though he had not meant to interrupt.

“Oh, I must.” Lao Nie’s eyes were flinty. “He decided that if he couldn’t have me – and no one said he couldn’t, except his own paranoia – that if he couldn’t, no one could, and I’m not about to forgive him for that, don’t worry. But he’s still my Hanhan, my A-Han, underneath all his madness, and for my own sake, I’m not going to let anyone, whether him or me, forget it. No matter how necessary, some things have to hurt, and to their fullest extent...However, that’s not what’s relevant now. May I continue?”

Lan Qiren nodded.

“He wants me dead,” Lao Nie said, resuming his narrative. “Now that he tried once, he may try again, and I currently lack the capability to defend myself – the doctors, and you, have all agreed that I should avoid any excessive use of qi, and fighting a battle with a saber that isn’t Jiwei is a recipe for disaster in the best of times. I can’t exactly swing the pendant around, can I? Moreover, it may take years for us to establish the resonance, re-transfer Jiwei, and for me to re-familiarize myself with the new saber.”

Lan Qiren did not like the way this was going.

“There’s also the matter that I can’t be without physical contact with you for extended periods of time, and you of course have your responsibility to your sect,” Lao Nie continued. “Kidnapping you is, at best, a temporary fix. We will need something more permanent, and your sect elders have already indicated that they won’t let you marry out until your nephews are grown – and obviously we can’t wait that long, even assuming you’d want to marry me.”

Lan Qiren opened his mouth.

“Don’t say that you’d be willing to make the sacrifice to marry me, because even if you would, I wouldn’t. Putting aside the fact that you wouldn’t be happy leaving the Cloud Recesses and as much as I adore you, having been married before, I’m quite certain that I only want to marry my lovers, thank you.”

Lan Qiren had, in fact, been about to make an offer just like that, but he kept his mouth shut. They could discuss it at length at a later point.

“In short, the best solution to all of these problems, therefore, appears to be to allow events to play out as Hanhan would have wanted: for me to die.”

“You cannot be serious!” Lan Qiren exclaimed, abruptly furious. “After all the effort we put into saving your life, you would just throw it away?”

Lao Nie held up his hands. “Forgive me, I spoke unwisely – ‘do not take your words lightly’, right?”

Lan Qiren was usually very easily distracted by the mention of the Lan sect rules, but he resisted the temptation and glared.

“I didn’t mean I’d actually die,” Lao Nie said, and Lan Qiren’s shoulders relaxed a little. “Only that that would be the story we put out to the world. The process has already begun – that’s why your sect elders aren’t kicking up a fit about A-Jue being so rude to them about refusing to return you.”

“They think he’s in mourning,” Lan Qiren realized. “Whether actual, or merely preemptive.”

He could see how it might appear that way: Nie Mingjue showing up late in the evening, depositing a shaken and terrified Nie Huaisang, using up all the medical supplies in Lan Qiren’s personal possession, and then asking Lan Qiren to return home with him…

Due to Lan Qiren’s friendship with Lao Nie, Nie Mingjue had grown up especially close to the Lan sect; Lan Qiren had been his teacher, and in the end he was only fifteen, even if most people didn’t know that. Even in a world where Lao Nie could not have been saved, he might have refused to let Lan Qiren go home so quickly, seeking comfort from the sole familial authority, however informally constituted, that he had remaining.

“But Lao Nie,” Lan Qiren said slowly. “If you are supposedly dead, then Mingjue will need to become sect leader.”

Lao Nie grimaced, but nodded.

He’d been right about one thing, at least: Lan Qiren did not like what the Nie sect had decided.

He didn’t like it one bit.

“You know what that will do to him,” he said. He himself knew it better than anyone.

“I do,” Lao Nie confirmed, looking pained. “But it’s the best out of a short list of very bad options. If I stay on as sect leader in my current state, someone will kill me – probably Hanhan, but maybe someone else, one of the many small sects that have ambitions of taking the Nie sect’s place – and if that happens, A-Jue will have to become sect leader in truth, without my support. At least this way, I can act as an advisor, aid him with paperwork…that sort of thing.”

As much as Lan Qiren would have liked to argue, he didn’t have a good rebuttal to that.

Lao Nie’s position within the Nie sect was as secure as anything, and the Nie sect’s position as a Great Sect was nearly as unshakable, but there were always smaller sects looking to see whether that could change. If he were known to be so critically weakened...Wen Ruohan might not even need to kill him personally. He’d just need to wait.

And the rest was true, too. There were many things Lao Nie could do from a distance - his month at the Lan sect had shown that much - and having someone reliable to turn to for advice and hard choices was the ideal sort of transition for a new sect leader.

Still, the sect conferences alone would be horrifying, and those Lao Nie would not be able to aid Nie Mingjue with, even if he could help with all the rest.

He hated it.

But he couldn’t argue against it.

“Moreover, without the bulk of the responsibilities of sect leader on my shoulders, I’ll have more opportunity to focus on healing.”

That was true as well. Lao Nie had been hurt very deeply by Jiwei’s destruction. His cultivation had fallen, his usual cultivation pathway denied to him, his trust in his own mental well-being betrayed…in an ideal world, Lan Qiren would recommend seclusion for a few months, maybe even a year, for him to focus on reestablishing his connection with himself, re-centering his foundation so that he could climb up once more. But for a sect leader, that was impossible.

“Very well,” Lan Qiren said, although he made sure by his tone to make clear how much he disapproved. “I understand the basis for your decision.”

“I thought you might.”

“There’s only one flaw I see with your plan.”

“Oh?”

Lan Qiren folded his hands together in front of him. “You still need me, don’t you? Even with the excuse of mourning, Nie Mingjue can only request my presence for so long before the demands of my sect become paramount over their respect for his filial piety and grief.”

“Oh, we’ll let you go back eventually,” Lao Nie said with a shrug. “And I’d go with you.”

Lan Qiren had been expecting that. “And how exactly do you intend to keep the story of your death intact if you’re living with me at the Cloud Recesses? Even if we increase your tolerance such that you can stay home at all times, my home is often visited by my students, including those from other sects – and while there may be a rule against talking behind people’s backs, it is one of the most commonly broken.”

Lao Nie winced in a way that suggested both that he had thought of an answer to that question and also that Lan Qiren was going to hate it.

“Whatever you say, I cannot dislike it more than A-Jue becoming sect leader at fifteen,” Lan Qiren pointed out.

“I don’t know about that,” Lao Nie said. “Given that to this day you despise the smell of gentians.”

Lan Qiren’s brain came to an abrupt halt.

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“Qiren…”

“Absolutely not.”

“It’s a good solution,” Lao Nie argued. “No one in your sect goes to that house – most of them don’t even know it exists! It’s within a short walking distance of your home, protected by arrays to enhance silence and protect privacy…”

“I am not locking you in He Kexin’s place!” Lan Qiren bellowed.

“You wouldn’t be locking me anywhere,” Lao Nie said, for once the reasonable and calm one in the face of Lan Qiren’s fury. “I would be going willingly, and I would be free to leave at any time. You’re not your brother, Qiren, and I’m not He Kexin – not least of which because I’m neither capable of nor interested in bearing two sons for you as a means of passing the time.” He paused, tilting his head to the side. “A bit of a pity, that. I’m sure they’d be cute.”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes at him, although the reassurance and humor had helped douse the worst of his terror at the mere idea. Irritatingly, it was a good solution: he had made the trek to He Kexin’s home hundreds of times and no one had ever raised any questions. In the unlikely event that they did so now, he could claim he was merely tending to the garden to maintain it for his nephews; more likely, however, they would simply not notice – the path between the two locations was short and purposefully discrete.

“You’ll need someone to clean the place,” he pointed out. “Even He Kexin had servants, and if you don’t want anyone from the Lan sect finding out about it…”

“I have some servants that are loyal to me personally, and which are not Nie sect disciples,” Lao Nie said. “They can seek employment at the Cloud Recesses on the basis that they didn’t want to remain here after I’d gone – literally true, if you think about it in a certain light. Your sect would snatch them up in a heartbeat.”

They would, too, even without Lan Qiren interfering: properly trained servants who knew how to serve cultivators were a precious commodity that often had to be raised up from a young age or recruited with great caution from the ranks of rogue cultivators, and ones with the skills and experience that came from serving at another Great Sect were even more valued than most. And once they were part of the Cloud Recesses, there would be no difficulty in Lan Qiren adding the task of caring for He Kexin’s house to their list of duties.

“It’s a good plan,” he finally conceded, and Lao Nie sniggered.

“You look as though you’ve bitten into a lemon, Qiren. Did it hurt to say?”

“It hurt to think,” he retorted, and turned back to his guqin. “Will you visit my brother while you’re there? He might enjoy hearing your voice and knowing that you are close.”

Lao Nie had always refused in the past, and he shook his head now. “Not all of us are as forgiving as you, Qiren. Qingheng-jun made his choices.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“He makes them again every day,” Lao Nie disagreed. “He may have declared that he would stay in seclusion for the rest of his life to make amends, but that was his decision. He could break his oath and come out, do the right thing, but he doesn’t want to.”

It was an old argument, and an unproductive one. Lan Qiren shook his head, signaling that he would no longer engage.

He had other things to be concerned with, and would for some time. There was helping with Lao Nie’s recovery, creating the new resonance, playing calming music for him, keeping his secret; he would also need to help support Nie Mingjue as much as possible during his transition to sect leader, whether through correspondence and advice or through active intervention during the discussion conferences. He would need to manage his nephews, who he had taught so carefully not to lie, and yet they would need to learn to keep this secret, too.

Taking care of Lao Nie would also be an additional set of duties, on top of being sect leader and being a teacher and being himself, but Lan Qiren didn’t mind it.

It wouldn’t be so bad, actually, now that he thought of it without prejudice. To have someone close by to take tea with in the afternoons when his nephews were too busy and it wasn’t the right time of year for students, someone with whom he could speak on any range of subjects, including his occasional frustrations with his sect, stories about his students, the political troubles of the day – a friend close by, rather than at a distance. Someone who would probably encourage him to take more exercise than he usually did, to try things outside of his comfort zone, someone who would listen to his ideas on music or the rules without judgment, someone who would share his burdens and support him…it would be a little like having a wife, but without all the inconvenient aspects that he so thoroughly disliked.

“It’s not too bad, as such things go,” Lao Nie said, his thoughts clearly moving along a similar line as Lan Qiren’s. “Whatever the world thinks, I’ll be the first Nie sect leader to live to enjoy a retirement, however premature.”

This was true.

“I’ll miss my boys, of course,” Lao Nie added. “But I’ll write, and you can invite A-Sang to your lectures when he’s old enough. A-Jue can come visit you, sect leader to sect leader…I wouldn’t be the first father to only see his children a few times a year.”

“Nie Huaisang will probably fail my classes,” Lan Qiren said, having been acquainted with the individual in question for some time now. A clever child, even very clever, but he was also lazy, hated reciting facts, and was as stubborn as a rock – as stubborn as his father. “You’ll probably have the joy of him for several summers in a row.”

Lao Nie smiled.  

“Well, I can’t say this was what I expected when I wrote to you for help all those years ago,” he joked, leaning down and playing with the jade token that now hung from his belt rather than Lan Qiren’s. Wen Ruohan would probably have a fit if he ever saw it – indeed, Lan Qiren was already looking forward to that day in the future, however distant, where Lao Nie would regain his saber and his former strength and re-emerge to make his feelings on the subject of Wen Ruohan’s actions clear. “But I’m still glad you came.”

“As am I, my friend,” Lan Qiren said. “As am I.”

[ohwaitimthewriter]

Ner naak (My peace)

Pairing: Din Djarin x earthling!reader

Warnings: None

Summarize: Din Djarin meets you, an earthling, with no idea of the existence of an outer space.

Words count: 1617

A/n: Enjoy your reading!

Ner naak Masterlist // The Mandalorian Masterlist

Life sometimes manifested itself in strange ways. Even for Din. And he didn't expect to wake up with a tray of freshly prepared food at his disposal. You had even written him a note describing every single food on the plate. "French pastries are the basis of a successful breakfast" you wrote and if he had no idea what the "French" part meant, he heard his stomach growling at the simple sweet, slightly perfumed smell of the pastries. 

The day could only start well and Grogu was already enjoying swallowing little choux buns topped with sugar balls. Din chuckled at him gently before grabbing one and twirling it between his gloved fingers.

" Let me have some of it. "he said before sliding the food under his helmet into his mouth.

And he let a long, satisfied sigh escape. When was the last time he had eaten something so good? There was something special about earthly food, was it because it had been a long time since Din had been able to enjoy the flavours of a good meal? He could never get tired of it and he ate another one. He had to ask you what it was but he had just placed it as one of his favourites. 

And then he noticed something else on the little note you had left him. A little note that made him frown. What did you mean when you said, "P.s. Sorry, I had to. » ? A little shot of adrenaline reminded him that maybe he had let his guard down a little too quickly and a little too long. It was only then that he heard voices other than yours rising from the outside of the ship. 

He didn’t think twice, the ramp of the ship opened and he turned towards Grogu before leaving.

"Stay there and don't eat everything. "He said to Grogu, who had no intention of listening to him. 

Within a few steps Din found himself outside and suddenly found it hard to understand what was going on. 

A small group of young people around you were studying the plans you and Din had drawn. Some of them were impatient, others were so focused that they didn't hesitate to scold those who weren't being serious. 

Something was eluding him and he thought that his little stay on earth had made his brain weak. Since when did he let himself be so easily surprised? And to tell the truth, at that very moment you were surprising him too. 

You didn't notice Mando right away. He wasn't doing much to be noticed either, he was confused enough to ask for the attention of five unknown people. But you didn't have a choice. 

The night had not been very restful. The conversation you had the night before with Mando had gone round and round in your head and between the sprawling galactic monsters landing on Earth and the army coming in tanks, your mind had other things to do than rest. And those disturbing dreams hadn't helped your anxiety, so you decided you needed to pick up the pace. But speeding up without a work crew was a tricky thing to do. 

Life had a really strange way of showing itself sometimes and until now, you probably never thought to ask for help to repair this ship. Help other than what Mando was already giving you. You had been far too aware of the danger it could represent, for you, for Mando, for Grogu... but what was better? Revealing his presence to students in whom you trusted partially? Or to be discovered by the police? 

It wasn't a good idea, you knew that. And you hadn't taken the time to discuss it with Mando either. It was more of a decision taken on a whim and you would surely regret it later, but today, thanks to the students you had carefully selected, the repairs were going to be a good step forward. And the sooner the ship would be able to fly, the sooner Mando and Grogu would be safe, away from Earth.

In other words, you were reassuring yourself as best you could. 

You didn't know if those dreams had been the trigger or if the lack of sleep had caused some neurons to break down, but in the early morning you woke up with an awful realization: it was much bigger than you. And no matter how full-grown you were, no matter how thoughtful and composed you were, this morning it was all too much. And sharing this secret with almost grown-up people was probably the only way to relieve the pressure you had put on yourself. 

So there you were, explaining as best you could to five of your students the tasks they were going to be assigned to repair the ship. But that wasn't the most complicated part. You had to deal with your students' reaction to the ship and nothing in your studies to become a teacher prepared you for that.

"Well, can we focus for five minutes? "You asked them as one student had been trying for a solid two minutes to calm down his friend who still couldn't believe his eyes. 

"Ma'am, can you believe it?! "He exclaimed, "A real one! »

"Get over it, it's not as cool as Star Trek's USS Entreprise NCC-1701-E. "His friend who never seemed very impressed with the Razor Crest commented. 

"I wish you knew my courses as accurately as that." you smiled slightly. "Good, you'll start by gathering all the material listed in here," and you gave them each a piece of paper. " you get to work and... be respectful. " You glance at them briefly before finishing. " Croissants and chouquettes as much as you like in the car." 

And you knew that their motivation had just been boosted to the max. You got up and only then you spotted Mando near the ship. And his whole body was more tense than a tree trunk. And the trickiest part of your hasty decision had just begun: persuading Mando that your potentially bad idea wasn't such a bad idea. 

Your students didn't seem to have noticed him yet, they were far too busy eating pastries and it seemed that a croissant was more important than a spaceship piloted by the Galactic Daft Punk cousin. Ah those students!

It was just that a little anxiety was making your stomach heavier. From what you could see Mando didn't seem the most delighted to have a bunch of young people he didn't know around his Razor Crest but hopefully he would understand. 

"It wasn't planned." He said, his voice muffled by the helmet. 

"I know. And as much as I would have loved to have the Crest all to myself, sometimes you have to be realistic." You said, and you were looking forward to his reaction. 

"You're not realistic. You're worried. That' s not the same thing. "

And for the first time, you observed Mando withdraw into himself. He wasn't very talkative already, but it seemed to you that you had managed to win his sympathy.  You had seen him trust you gradually and you feared you had taken ten steps backwards, whereas you had only taken two in the same direction.

And then you felt a pinch of irritation tickle your nerves. His words had not been well received and it would have been hard for Mando to miss the annoyance expressed by the hardened features of your face. Your posture had changed too. Your arms, which were usually open, had just crossed over your chest, your usually relaxed and loose shoulders were now tensed and stiff, and even your chest, which was usually light and sometimes delicate, now looked much stronger. You showed a disconcerting self-confidence and Din made the pleasant discovery that you were not the type to let yourself be stepped on.

But this was not the time to dwell on your new confidence.

"Indeed, I am worried for you and I think that the situation has been sufficiently addressed for you to understand that I will never be able to get you out of this rotten planet to the bone without any help. "And the features of your face softened again. "Look, yes, that wasn't planned, and I'm not asking you to trust them, but for your, "you paused before correcting" if you want to leave Earth in one piece, we must work faster." 

Mando sighed heavily. You saw him lower his head slightly, as if he was thinking about the pros and cons. He was nervous. You could see that and you suspected a rather complicated past in relation to other people, perhaps one or two betrayals, and he was thinking over and over again until he nodded silently. 

"You know this world better than I do. I trust you, but I won't go easy on them. "He granted and he saw you relax completely, the hint of annoyance had completely disappeared and he recognized you in your kindness.

"Don't worry, they are students, there is nothing more resilient. "You gave him a little smile before gently placing your hand on his forearm in a friendly gesture. "They won't bother you, I'll make sure of that." 

Mando nodded again and before you could go back to repair the ship, he couldn't help but stop you for a moment, holding your arm.

"What's the name of the, huh, ‘French’ pastries you brought me?" he asked. 

" They're called 'chouquettes', why that?" 

"Do you have some more of them? Grogu... Grogu seems to like it." He justified himself. 

But you couldn’t be fooled. Grogu was certainly not the only one who liked them.

[faunusrights]

what is going on with all the bias on robyn hill’s wiki page, anyway? - an aside

As someone who uses the RWBY wiki with some degree of frequency - often because I’m looking for art references, or Semblance and weapon names - I’m used to... some amount of bias in the articles for different characters? Like, let’s be real, it’s not a perfect wiki! Community-maintained stuff isn’t easy to all keep on the same track! But, generally, it gives the facts well enough and doesn’t do too bad a job keeping all the balls in the air when it comes to new information from all four corners of this franchise.

Well, until you open the article for Robyn Hill, and realise it’s an absolute disaster. Like, really; the impartial voice just plain doesn’t exist for her, and almost all of her wiki is written in such a way that she reads as being an absolutely insufferable, hostile, hard-to-like character. Even if you aren’t a fan of Robyn personally, you have to admit that if you hadn’t seen the show yourself, you might very well come away from her article presuming she’s a major antagonist of Volumes 7 and 8.

Like, for instance, let’s take a look at the first paragraph of her Personality section:

Robyn has a direct and confident personality, having no trouble being confrontational with Atlas personnel, including the Ace Operatives. Robyn also seems to suffer from overconfidence and arrogance, shown in her encounters with Ruby and celebrating her election victory before it was verified. She is aggressive and hostile in nature, quickly jumping to conflict without thinking through consequences. However, she is also shown to be reasonable when the situation calls for it.

And, for good measure, here’s another paragraph from the same section:

In "With Friends Like These" Robyn displayed a rather impulsive side of her personality, when upon hearing that James Ironwood's plan to abandon Mantle and arrest those against him, she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen onboard a Manta with Tyrian Callows in custody. Despite the fact, there was no order or her arrest. Her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

(Taken from Robyn’s RWBY Wiki page. Bolding is mine.)

In every instance here, all of the “negative” aspects of her personality take centre stage; she’s confrontational. She suffers from arrogance. She is aggressive and hostile. She started the fight. Her brashness led to the crash. All of this is only compounded when her positive traits trail behind as an afterthought; she’s direct and confrontational, overconfident and arrogant, aggressive and hostile, impulsive and jumps to conclusions... but hey! As least she’s reasonable when the situation calls for it. 

The way that this information is presented to the reader is quite literally on par with how the wiki presents the personalities of the actual literal villains who appear throughout the show. Let’s take, for instance, the Personality section of Cinder Fall:

Cinder is ruthless and sadistic, as demonstrated when she delivers a killing blow to a clearly defeated Pyrrha Nikos in "End of the Beginning" and when she throws a spear at a defenseless Weiss Schnee in "The More the Merrier." She is relentlessly driven to gain power and determined to cross any line to obtain it. Cinder demonstrates a cunning that shows in her successful manipulation of events and people throughout the first three volumes. Cinder is also arrogant and egomaniacal, and as such, relishes in dominance and gloating, displaying shameless pleasure in the misery she has caused others.

Or, the Personality section of Raven Branwen:

Raven is cynical, patronizing, selfish and stubborn. She believed her act of "kindness" of saving Yang's life from Neopolitan was sufficient despite having left Yang at a very young age and refused to protect her daughter when in need after that.

Raven is also very prideful and hypocritical, refusing to acknowledge her faults and always trying to justify her actions both to others and to herself, often putting the blame on others for them even if she feels real guilt about them.

It makes sense that for an antagonist, the primary faults and flaws of their personalities will come first, as to better represent them as the villains to clarify to the reader who they are and why they act as they do in their storylines. However, the fact that Robyn arguably has an even more caustic write-up then Raven, despite not being an antagonist, goes to show the lengths this writer has gone to present her in a significantly more negative light than she ever appears in the show.

If this doesn’t seem convincing, let’s look at a more direct comparison; what does the wiki say about Ironwood? He’s present in the same seasons, and has now become more of an antagonist in the latter episodes; is the wiki quite as blunt about his flaws?

Ironwood is courteous to his allies, as shown by his first onscreen interaction with Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch. He is also far-thinking and tactical, wondering about the future, as seen when he speaks to Ozpin about Qrow Branwen's message. He also has a jovial, friendly, humorous and proud public persona, which he uses as a spokesman for the weapon manufacturers of Atlas.

However, as courteous Ironwood may appear, he can also be incredibly blunt, often preferring the direct approach. When he feels necessary, Ironwood is not afraid to bring the full might of his military command to bear, which sparked disagreements with both Glynda and Ozpin. Nevertheless, Ironwood is extremely loyal to his comrades, and however questionable his methods may be, he seems to have genuinely good intentions behind them.

Uh, no.

Instead, when his flaws are mentioned (for example, being blunt), it’s written in a significantly less... abrasive manner. It’s referred to as the direct approach, versus Robyn who is described as confrontational. Even then, his flaws are folded in to his (alleged) positive traits; he is not afraid, extremely loyal, and has genuinely good intentions, despite the fact that the show has now proven that Ironwood’s flaws greatly outweigh these. It reveals how thoroughly all of Robyn’s actions are presented as the work of an arrogant troublemaker, whilst Ironwood’s actions are presented as the efforts of a man working towards some greater good. 

Also, I’ll add that in both examples, I used the first two paragraphs of their Personality sections. These are both the first two things you read about these characters, yet look at how differently they’re summarised.

What is interesting, however, is that despite this bias being extremely self-evident, the comments on her page generally chime agreement, referring to her as “overconfident, arrogant, impulsive and hotheaded to the point of being unlikable”, and claiming that she’s “literally the worse character in the show next to cinder, blake and yang”[1]. Someone mentions that Robyn has earned quite the hatedom... but why?

Broadly, my experiences of Robyn Hill’s writing in the fandom has been through a queer lens, and the vast majority of writers who’ve covered her and the Happy Huntresses have been women, or queer, or trans, or all the above... basically, the people who are usually responsible for a vast majority of fanfiction, let’s be real. These writers love Robyn, and have explored and extrapolated on her character to marvellous degree. Yet, at no singular point have any of these flaws ever been written quite as strongly as the wiki implies they are, nor have I seen much evidence of them myself in the show. For instance, let’s take one of the more serious points in her Personality section; she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen [...] her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

When we watch this scene again, Robyn did initiate the fight... because she was rightfully aware that Clover would obey his orders, even if they were wrong. Despite everything that happened prior in the entirety of Volume 7, when given orders to bring Qrow in alongside RWBY, it was clear that Clover fully intended to follow it through, which Robyn knows from prior experience with the AceOps:

[image ID: two images of Clover, Robyn and Qrow in the dark-grey interior of the Manta ship. Robyn has her weapon aimed at Clover as he stands in front of Qrow. Clover is saying “Only Qrow is under arrest [...] please don’t make me arrest you too.”]

Her knowledge of the AceOps means that she reacted accordingly; trying to stop him from taking Qrow in and obeying Ironwood’s plan the only way she knows the AceOps respond to. Her reaction isn’t unwarranted. However, my point isn’t to argue that Robyn was right or wrong, but rather that regardless of who started the fight, the way the wiki explains this specific incident is that it’s solely Robyn’s fault that Tyrian escaped and crashed the Manta, but we know this isn’t the case. Robyn and Qrow both fought Clover, and it was Clover’s good luck (or Qrow’s bad luck, depending on how you view it) that allowed for Kingfisher to break Tyrian’s bonds. Her brashness is blamed for the outcome, but in reality, this outcome could have been avoided together if Clover had not chosen to follow his orders and bring in an innocent man. Also, she didn’t crash the Manta! That was all Tyrian! The intentional tying together of these two events as her fault, however, are a neat package of blame.

In these instances on the wiki, Robyn’s personality appears amplified, focusing specifically on her flaws and exaggerating them to the extremes that, as noted earlier, matches the language used to define the very villains of the series. Yet, the people who enjoy her and the Happy Huntresses often perceive those same flaws to a significantly lesser extent, or even see those flaws as actually being boons of her character; for instance, reading her alleged arrogance as passion. So, why such division?

Before, I mentioned her “negative” traits, and I put this into quote marks because traits don’t always align nicely into good and bad. All aspects of a person can vary on how positive they are based on context - even the show proves this, with protectiveness becoming paranoia (Ironwood) or loyalty becoming subservience (Winter). Even a character that is broadly composed of more unfavourable traits can have this contextual shift; Cinder’s stubbornness to her goals makes her a fast learner and a tenacious opponent.

Yet, why did the writer (or writers) choose to highlight almost every aspect of Robyn’s character as a bad thing? Why did they frame her decisions as such? I have a suspicion it’s to do with her character at large; she’s a bold socialist politician who believes in equality and fairness for all, who refuses to stand for incompetence and obedience towards evil causes. She’s outspoken in her views, and reacts strongly to those who threaten to overturn her work. Also, she’s a woman, in charge of a group of other women, at least one of whom is canonically trans. To those who agree with her in real life, Robyn appears as a great character! We admire her work ethic and we support her ends. To those who may not... well, it’s not hard to see how they might perceive her as more of a cocky, authority-defying upstart. Of course, the core text of RWBY doesn’t quite believe the latter; RWBY has always placed Robyn as the direct counter to authoritarianism, whether it be Jacques, Clover, or Ironwood, and even the article admits that she is a potent voice for the people of Mantle. Still, it’s clear that there’s plenty of people in a vocal minority who are deeply dissatisfied by Robyn, and aren’t afraid to make their stance on the matter exceedingly clear.

So, what does this all mean? Well, here’s what we can say for sure; Robyn’s article is, and has always been, stringently biased against her character, and often misconstrues her motives and decisions. This is maybe the more obvious part, but how should her article be worded to make this less so? Likely, I’d rephrase a lot of it to be less damaging to her character; she isn’t hostile, she holds people accountable. She isn’t quick to jump to conflict, she is familiar with how Atlas responds to anti-authority with violence. She isn’t arrogant, she believes in the power of the people as being the right thing to fight for. Even this makes it clearer that her character is about resisting the oppression inherent in Atlas, and is a much clearer outline of her personality as a whole. People may disagree with this phrasing and summary also, but given her character is based on Robin Hood, it’s also not far from the mark in terms of what she should represent.

TL;DR: Robyn’s wiki page is written with a deep bias against her character and what she represents, acts upon, and chooses to do in the show; I have no doubt that in canon, this sort of language would probably be used by Jacques himself as a smear campaign, haha. Whilst I can’t speak for the author and their motives, I have a distinct feeling that this article was written, or edited, by someone who is either:

not a fan of Robyn

not a fan of a new female character

not a fan of a new female character in a position of power

not a fan of a character with socialist/communist/antifa ideals

all of the above and then some???

Even though I’m not going to edit her wiki page (I’m very shy and I’ve never done it before), I think it’s worth analysing this if only as a reminder of the inherent biases of an author even when people are trying to present a character’s information impartially. This isn’t the first wiki I’ve seen misconstrue - or even make incorrect assumptions on - facts about a character, and it won’t be the last. In the meantime, though, I leave you with this fact:

Robyn Hill slaps huge nuts and I love her.

[1] I’m not naming the users who posted these things here, because it’s unnecessary. You can find them for yourself at the bottom of Robyn’s wiki, but there’s no need to respond; some people just don’t like Robyn, and that’s fine - I’m just explaining how bias leaks into wikis like water into a sponge. It happens!

[beauty-and-passion]

Hey! How are you? Just came across your blog recently, and I gotta say I absolutely love your theories!! I’m still catching up, but they’re so well thought out and deeply analyzed. It’s an absolute joy to read through, so thank you for all your interesting ideas!

I love theorizing myself too, and I’ve been wondering a bit about what the upcoming season finale of Sanders Sides will look like. Do you have any thoughts/theories on that?

I believe Joan mentioned we will have another 1/2 Asides before the finale of the current 2nd season. After FWSA (which apparently is playing an important part in the overall storyline according to the team), I feel like we might get an intense 2-vs-2 situation that could revolve around Thomas and Nico. Virgil and Roman on one side arguing Thomas is ready to start a relationship with Nico, and Patton and Janus on the other side arguing against it. Don’t know whether Nico would make a return so soon though, as it also feels Roman’s arc might become a vocal point in upcoming episodes (then again, the two could intertwine).

Anyway, do you have any ideas on how the finale would play out? Could we potentially get some Orange hints? (I am freaking out about him lately so would LOVE some more hints in next episodes lol.) Sorry if this is too long for an Ask Me Anything, still figuring out how to Tumblr. Would love to hear your thoughts!

First of all: thank you, I’m glad you like my theories! And I hope you will keep hanging around, because more will come in the future ;)

Second: don’t worry, this wasn’t a long ask :) it was nice to read your thoughts on the matter, because that’s not an easy one!

Third: o-oooh, what a question! I really love it! But I will also need some time to properly answer it, so I apologize in advance for my late reply.

Before starting, a premise. As you said, there will be two Asides, then a two-parts episode that will end season two. During every two-parts episode we visited the room of a new Core Side and considering we’re into Roman’s arc now, it’s pretty clear Roman’s room will be the next one. That also means this two-parts episode will be focused on Roman.

But Roman’s plot isn’t the only one we have now. There’s also:

The whole “Dark Sides relationship” (yes, I’m talking about you, Virgil and Janus)

Remus (his relationship with Roman, his functions, his future role in the creative process)

Logan and his issues

Considering that those are pretty big themes, I would develop them all in season three and just give some hints for now. There will be time to properly address them all later.

The only other plot I would keep is the one about Nico. During the first livesteam after FWSA, Thomas said he wanted to show how character!Thomas deals with a relationship. So yes, Nico IS a big deal, he will come back and the next big theme will probably be about him.

Having said that, here we are:

My Theories On The Next Two Asides And The Possible Ending Of Season Two.

_______________________________________

THE ASIDES

So we have three Asides and six Sides. Two of them were in the first Aside, so I would take them out for the other two.

We have now four Sides to see. Leaving one or two behind would have no sense, so I think we should see them all, two at a time.

Second Aside: Remus and Logan

Why the next Aside should be about them? Because we need to start talking about the creative process and how it isn’t just a purely “Roman” process, but something that requires Remus’ constant stream of ideas on one side and Logan’s realistic approach on the other.

However, it’s still a bit too early to talk about that: Thomas needs to grow, Roman needs to grow. For now, I would start by showing little by little how Remus’ suggestions can potentially be useful, if properly developed and tamed.

And we can do it thanks to Nico.

Some time passes between the first and the second Aside. Thomas and Nico starts to date, everything is good.

But Thomas is still insecure, because of what Virgil said to him in FWSA: “Will deceit continue to be the answer to all of your problems? Is that fair to (Nico)?”. So he tries to be as much honest as possible with Nico, to the point of ending up being brutally honest sometimes. Nico would be a bit weirded out by this behaviour, but accept it with a shrug.

So, since things are going so well, Thomas wants to make it official. To finally be boyfriends and not just two-people-who-see-each-other-and-kinda-like-each-other.

And that’s where Logan and Remus would come into play. Thomas’ thoughts about Nico would get Remus’ attention and the sudden brainstorming session would get Logan’s. The first would poke Thomas for his less chaste thoughts, all while suggesting weird, inappropriate ways Thomas can ask Nico to be boyfriends. The second wouldn’t tear down Remus’ suggestions, but work around them, show their flaws and how they cannot work.

This back and forth will lead to Thomas realizing what he can do and how. And this solution wil be the good one: Thomas would ask Nico to be boyfriends and Nico would accept.

Third Aside: Janus and Patton

Until now, we saw two kind of cooperations: Roman and Virgil’s is based on feelings and “pushing” each other through their emotions. Logan and Remus’ is a cooperation “in power”: they work well together and we just got a glimpse of how fruitful this cooperation will be in the future.

In this Aside we will see a third kind of cooperation: the most stable and balanced one. We would see how well Janus and Patton would steer Thomas together, how they’re able to talk and compromise, how they’re gradually smoothing their most extreme points of view for Thomas’ sake. And we would see them getting along well, despite their differences.

But why showing it now? Because this would be the perfect moment in time to show it. Because now Thomas is in an official relationship: things are getting real and there are A LOT of decisions that should be taken every day. Janus and Patton’s guidance would shine and prove how a cooperation between Sides isn’t just possible, but it leads to big, better results.

And it would also prove that Roman and Virgil’s fear in FWSA (that Thomas was using deceit to solve all his problems) was without merit. Janus’ power isn’t as uncontrollable as they thought. On the contrary, with Patton’s morals balancing it and when properly used, lying help Thomas achieve more. His relationship with Nico grows stronger.

Things are going well.

_______________________________________

SANDERS SIDES - ENDING OF SEASON 2 PART 1

I’ve got an idea in the back of my mind for a while about how things can get worse and it’s something like this:

As we saw in the Asides, Thomas and Nico’s relationship is going well. Things moved very fast, yes, but they really like each other, so it’s okay.

One day, Nico says he wants to introduce Thomas to his family. Despite an initial peak in anxiety (a subtle way to show us that Virgil has problems with change in general), Thomas accepts to meet them.

Thomas is getting ready with Roman and Virgil. Virgil is - guess what - anxious about this meeting, but he’s also all butterflies in the stomach. Roman is absolutely delighted and keeps circling around Thomas, suggesting him what to wear, what to say, how to move: in other words, the whole “Himbo hopelessly in love” starter pack.

For a while, the meeting is going smoothly. Then Roman and Virgil notice how, once in a while, Thomas drops a lie. Something like “The food is delicious” when it’s not or “what a beautiful dress” even if it’s hideous. And the two Sides get worried. Once again, they try to force Thomas to stop lying, because Lying Is Always Bad and there can’t be true love with lies.

Still insecure and pushed by them, Thomas stops lying. He inevitably ends up saying something offensive/extremely mean and/or he ends up acting so badly the meeting has to end. Nico finds an excuse to justify Thomas’ behaviour with his parents (something on the line of “Thomas is very tired”) and Thomas is forced to leave.

When he comes back home, the discussion is inevitable. Roman and Virgil straight up blame Thomas for lying in the first place, because he wouldn’t have messed up so much, if he was honest from start.

But when Janus appears to defend Thomas and tells them lying IS useful in some circumstances, the situation escalates quickly. The two Sides attack Janus, blaming him for everything and making heavy statements on how deeply he corrupted Thomas/Patton or something similar. On the other hand, Janus attacks them back. They throw words at each other, things are starting to get pretty serious...

And just when the situation reaches its climax, Patton appears. He takes Janus’ side, he explains why lying is useful - especially during formal circumstances like meeting your boyfriend’s family because you want to be accepted, not to be seen as a complete jerk - and he bluntly tells Morality is HIS job, not Virgil’s nor Roman’s.

In this standstill, Thomas’ phone rings. It’s Nico. He wants to talk with Thomas about the evening. Janus suggests a simple lie (I was tired/long day at work), but Nico tells Thomas this isn’t the first time something similar happened - thus reminding us about all of Thomas’ “bursts of honesty” we saw in the second Aside. Honesty that wasn’t seen as such by Nico, but as weird, mean behaviours from the guy he likes.

So when Thomas tries to justify himself with some lie, Nico stops him. He tells Thomas he thought about a lot of stuff, after the meeting ended. He thought about their relationship. He thought about Thomas’ behaviour. Maybe they should’ve dated more, before becoming boyfriends. Maybe they moved too fast. Maybe introducing Thomas to his parents was the wrong choice. Maybe they should think a bit more. And maybe they should take some time for themselves to think about what they want to do, before going further with this relationship.

Nico hangs up. Janus is speechless. Thomas is on the verge of crying. Patton is heartbroken. Virgil is shocked.

And Roman is absolutely devastated. The love he wanted so badly, this happiness he desperately needed, is now in danger. Instead of strengthening the relationship, everything he did only managed to worsen it.

Roman sinks down and locks himself in his room.

_______________________________________

SANDERS SIDES - ENDING OF SEASON 2 PART 2

We already had a Side ducking out and a Side welcoming the others in his room so, for this third time, we should try something different. And what’s better than Thomas & his Sides trying to break into Roman’s room?

Remus might appear for a while, just to help them get inside and leave. There are already a lot of issues Roman has to face now: his relationship with Remus can wait season 3.

So we have Thomas, Virgil, Patton and Janus all in Roman’s room. And the confrontation can finally take place.

Roman will talk about his issues, his low self-esteem and how he feels constrained by Patton’s morals. He will finally admit how he desperately wanted to go to the callback and how confused he was by morals, when he first sided with Janus, only to be blamed for not siding with him in the following episode. He would start seeing the problem with his black/white mentality and we would have a nice, mature moment with Patton apologizing for giving Roman this mentality - while promising he will grow to be a better Morality. We would also have Roman and Janus properly apologize to each other for everything they said and finally work things out.

And we can end it like this. It could be a nice ending, with some conflicts solved, others still to solve and a lot of hope for the future. Patton would feel even more motivated to keep up with his growth, because he’s not doing it just for himself but for Roman too. Roman would feel better, because now he knows no one will blame or mock him for his insecurities - on the contrary, they would still be by his side no matter what. Janus would learn that cooperation is necessary and that he should keep doing it, because this is the right choice.

And Virgil... well, Virgil would drop hints everywhere about his upcoming “second arc”.

In the first livestream after FWSA, Thomas hinted at a possible “second arc” for Virgil. So, since we have a whole season to fill, I would move Virgil’s arc, his confrontation with Janus and all the dark sides’ dynamics into the beginning of the third season. For now, Virgil may hint at a future confrontation with Janus that should happen in the first episode of season 3.

And what about Thomas?

Thomas would accept Nico’s decision and write him that he will take this time to become a better man. We may even close the episode with Nico smiling for this message, proving that he’s not mad at Thomas, he still loves him and that their relationship isn’t ended at all.

Then, we would have the end card.

And the end card would feature the Side I purposely took away from the whole season two finale. Logan.

After starring in the second Aside, Logan should completely disappear for the following two episodes and for the finale. No one should mention him or even think about him. He wouldn’t appear at all. Until now.

We would see him in a room, looking at the last episode of season 2 on Youtube. His face would be completely expressionless and he wouldn’t say a word, because the only voices would be the ones coming from the pc. The camera would slightly move to show a figure behind him. A small refocus of the camera on a little orange accent on this figure’s clothes.

And bam, the end. No explanations, no voices, nothing else. Just this. Because this would drive the fandom insane. Did Logan know Orange was behind him? Were they watching the episode together? Was Orange trying to kill him or what? What would happen? All questions that would accompany us while waiting for season three.

_______________________________________

And this is how I think the next Asides and the ending of season two will play out. Of course this is pure speculation and the next Aside might be about something completely new that makes my whole plot useless - but hey, that would mean a whole new theory to elaborate :D

In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed my thoughts! And for all the readers, well, feel free to add your own thoughts here about how the events will play out! Maybe one of us will get them right, who knows?

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

The Storm

Summary: You work with Jack Crawford and Alana is your cousin, both of you live together for a long time. She gets caught up with a flat tire far away and asks you to let Will in, for he's expecting her. A storm is coming, and she keeps taking longer and longer to show up. Will the universe conspire in your favor?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, insinuation of smut, fluff.

Word count: 4.328

A/n: I'm starting to consider changing this tumblr for a Hannibal one, mostly Will Graham, so some requests from other fandoms would be nice haha hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing ♥️

*not my gif

There wasn't a thing such as a boring day at the BAU. 

At least not when you're part of Jack Crawford's crew. There was always an interesting case to focus on, a disfigured body to study the reason of death, it was always a thrilling hunt for evidence. The best experience I've ever had so far in my career, and I could only thank my cousin Alana for putting me on the Guru's radar. I was a great crime scene investigator, albeit a little younger than people gave me credit for. I taught people not to underestimate me over the years, though. I got here by my own effort, being a tenacious, hard-working woman who wouldn't get a no for an answer. 

I got along well with my crewmates, Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, though our relationship hardly extended for life outside work. Except for Beverly, we went out for a couple of beers sometimes, she was fun, witty and I really liked our conversations. Jack was the big boss, and that was it. I had a lot of respect for him, and I knew he didn't regret bringing me to his team, I could see it in his eyes in the first case I've got. I was very cunning when I shared my insights about the cases, sometimes I saw things no one else could, no one but…

Of course, I was far, far away from being a Will Graham. But ever since I was younger, I've had this sort of intuition that helped me to solve problems, I would solve riddles easily and when people asked me how I got to the answer, I wouldn't know the steps, I just knew deep in my bones I was right. That happened a lot when I was growing up and was even stronger now that I knew how to use it. It was some artifice of my inconscient, something I could always count on. It included everything in my life, math, logical thinking, riddles. My brain picked things I couldn't perceive clearly, bringing them to the clear waters of my conscience. 

Will Graham was a curious man. He intrigued me from the very first moment I saw him at the house of one of the last victims of The Minnesota Shrike, Garret Jacob Hobbs, now dead. He was practically hiding in a corner, his eyes closed behind the lens of his glasses, dark wavy hair, jawline for days. He seemed highly focused until Beverly started to talk to him, pulling him out of his daze. He could barely look at her, or at me, and although he looked socially awkward and troubled, he still managed to look like a daydream. I studied every inch of his face, lowering my gaze when he seemed to get uncomfortable, after smiling lightly. I was a bit shy myself. I lived with Alana and, when I got home that night, I absentmindedly asked her about that curious handsome man who seemed to be out of place, yet so connected to that scene. She started to talk about him, but stopped once she noticed my interest. Then, she told me he was a very unstable person, that she wouldn't even be alone in the room with him because of her professional curiosity. As time passed and he solved more and more cases, I could see how people looked at him like an attraction of the zoo. However, not me, and later, not Beverly. Brian didn't seem to like him very much, I could see. Envy, perhaps? Nevertheless, the more I saw Will, the more intrigued I got. He avoided eye contact like the plague, but as I was always friendly and tried my best to treat him like a normal person, not focusing only on work, dead bodies and serial killers, I saw more of those beautiful blue eyes. He knew I was Alana's cousin, and I sooner realized he had a fling for her. 

And boy, did that break my silly little heart. I wasn't surprised, though. Who could blame him? Alana was amazing. I never felt resentful for that, but as time passed, I started to detach from the idea of Will being somewhat more than a simple acquaintance. That afternoon, I was going home from work when I got a call from Alana.

"Speak fast, I'm driving." I said, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other holding my phone.

"You're going home? Great. I invited Will so we could talk about a profile I'm building, but I got caught up here. I already spoke to him, he's almost there, can you let him in? He said he'll wait, and I'll be home in about fifty minutes, no more than that, hopefully." She said in a hurry, and I felt my cheeks burn a little. Will and me? Home alone? 

"I…" I hesitated, chewing my bottom lip nervously. "You won't be long, right? Heard on the radio there’s a storm for later."

"I won't, promise. Just let him in, he's already aware I'll take a little longer to be there. See you soon. Thanks, Y/n!" She hung up, not leaving me any time to answer. I put the phone down, still chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel excitement rising on my stomach, making me feel slightly nauseated, and noticed my hands starting to sweat.

Please. That was ridiculous. What was I, a teenager? I was a grown-up, well-succeeded woman, for God's sake. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, driving a little faster than I usually did almost unconsciously. I got home after twenty minutes, parking outside the pretty house. Will was already there, leaning against his car, so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed I'd arrived. I looked at my reflection at the mirror hurriedly, fixing my hair, pinching my cheeks to look less pale, brushing my eyebrows with my fingers to make them look neat. I wasn't even wearing any lipstick today. It had been a long day at work. 

I opened the car door, exiting the vehicle, the noise from shutting the door finally bringing him out of his daze, and he finally seemed to notice me. He smiled lightly, lowering his eyes. He had his glasses on, but as soon as he saw me, he took them off, hanging them on his shirt.

"Hey, Will. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. There was a little bit of traffic." I justified, walking to the porch and waiting for him to follow me. 

"Y/n. Not at all, I just got here. Alana explained what happened, thanks for coming to let me in. Hope I didn't ruin any appointment you may have had." He waited until I unlocked the door, and we finally were engulfed with the warm air of the heater.

"Nope, I was coming home, no appointments lost. Please, come in. I'm not sure you've ever been here before, but make yourself home." I hung my trench coat, sighing with the pleasure of being home. I loved the atmosphere of that place. "Can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer…"

"Thank you. I'm fine. And no, I haven't been here before." I held back the temptation of saying "good", biting my bottom lip as I watched him sit on the couch. I just stood there for a while, not sure of what to do next. 

He frowned a little, probably thinking why I was acting so weird, and that made me nervous, because it was just an easy step to realize my silly crush on him. Did he know? What if Alana said something? Said something? For fuck's sake, he was Will Graham, he could probably see that written across my stupid face! Shit, he knows. I'm making a fool of myself. Why do I even…

"Is everything okay?" His voice startled me a little, pulling me out of my neurotic breakdown, and I wondered how my facial expressions looked. Was I blinking only one eye like the stereotyped madness of cartoons? I certainly didn't look normal. I cleared my throat, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm not really used to having people over anymore. I've been working a lot lately. People are dying like flies." I sat on the armchair in front of him, sighing. 

"What we do can be overwhelming sometimes. What we see every day. It just… stains you." He said, with a dark look on his serious eyes. 

I nodded. I felt that way sometimes, but I was used to it. I stopped feeling that sense of inadequacy on my chest years ago. 

"I guess you just begin to cope with it, though. Our brain adapts to that harsh reality. But it's always nice to vent somehow. What do you do in your free time?" I asked, wondering if I was getting too personal. Did I sound like I was probing to ask him out?  I felt my face getting warm. Damn it.

Either he didn't realize, or he was just too chivalrous to point, but he didn't mention anything.

"I fish." He said, simply. I nodded with a light smile.

"And you play with your doggies." I pointed, smiling wider. I loved dogs. He'd mentioned them before, so I just brought the subject up, trying to shift the attention from me to them. Will smiled back, his eyes with a subtle glow. He really loved them, and that was so sweet. "Fishing sounds nice. Unfortunately, I could never. I'm too restless. I'd probably startle all the fish and wouldn't catch anything."

He laughed, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound coming out of him. I felt like I was someone deaf that was able to hear the sound of Mozart's symphonies for the first time, and I just knew. There was never detachment from the idea of Will being more than an acquaintance. It was tackled down inside my brain somewhere, for the brain tends to adapt to harsh realities, but it was still there, just waiting for some incentive. 

"It's just a matter of training, getting used to it. I could teach you someday… if you want." He blinked a few times, as if he was surprised with his own boldness, smiling lightly. "And you? What do you do to vent?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Well, I read a lot. Maybe I could read by the riverside while I watch you fish." I said, shrugging with a subtle smile.

"It's a date, then?" Will inquired, making me mortified. Caught me by total surprise, and when I was about to say something, my phone rang.

"Excuse me." I answered the phone. It was Alana. "Hey. We're already here waiting for you."

Not that I wanted her to arrive any time sooner, but she didn't have to know that.

"You won't believe me; I've got a flat tire. There's a guy helping me out, I was lucky, I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'll get there in about fifty more minutes, more or less. Can you put Will on the phone? I'll explain everything to him."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I wouldn't…"

"No, he's almost done. Thank you. Let me talk to Will, I'll be there soon. The storm is about to catch me, I wanna hurry."

I sighed, grimacing at him. 

"She wants to talk to you." I passed him the phone, studying his expressions while he talked to her. As I looked at the window, I could see the dark clouds gathering up, making the end of the afternoon murky. The storm was about to hit hard. I could see a few thin drops of rain starting to wet the glass.

"I can stay a little longer, no problem. I'm being well attended." He traded looks with me, biting his lip slightly. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Alana."

He gave me the phone, but Alana was already gone. I put it on the coffee table, getting up.

"I think I'll pour myself some wine. Do you want some?" I asked politely. "It's one of the fanciest ones; Hannibal gave us a bottle when we dined at his house a few days ago."

"Yes. Thank you." He waited for me to come back with the beverages, and I did my best not to spill anything, sitting on the couch beside him while I gave him the glass. "So you're acquainted with Dr. Lecter?"

"Oh yeah, he's an old friend of Alana's, sometimes he invites us to dinner. He cooks the best meals I've ever had in my entire life, so I don't exactly decline the invitations. And he's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, so it's always interesting." I took a sip of the crimson liquid, moaning low in pleasure. Good wine. I preferred a good cup of hot oolong, but it was impossible not to appreciate the quality of that drink. 

A few glasses after and a lot of talks about dogs, fishing and other hobbies, he finally felt safe to bring back the topic. The rain had started really pouring, the now thicker drops hitting the windows loudly. Alana hadn't called again. It was nighttime now, the sky seeming to be darker than usual. I was low-key worried about her, but the conversation was too great to interrupt. She was a good driver. She would be just fine. 

"I've been seeing Hannibal Lecter in his office. Not exactly his patient, though. A courtesy of Jack Crawford to keep an eye on the coping of my brain functions." He sounded a bit bitter, drinking a few sips of his wine.

I could see he didn't like therapy. Must be hard with someone with a mind like his.

"You know, sometimes, Alana psychoanalyses me. Like, she doesn't even notice. It's cute, but sometimes it creeps me out." 

"She has a professional curiosity about me, but she's too polite and considerate to let it slip out. We've never even been alone in the same room together."

I held back a bitter comment, not wanting to talk shit about my cousin, but he saw it right through me. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in a complicated position."

"I know. You're sweet." The word slipped through my tongue before I could contain it. Will blinked a few times, seeming surprised, and I felt my cheeks burn, starting to stutter. "I meant… I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no. It's just… no one's ever called me that before." It was my time to get surprised. He didn't seem to be complimented much, and that just made me flabbergasted. I couldn't be the only one who saw how fantastic Will was.

"... Ah. Well, some people are just shy. I'm shy as hell, don't even know how I had the nerve to say that, it's probably the wine starting to kick in. Hope I really didn't make you uncomfortable, though. Don't need to be polite, it's okay to tell me."

"Actually, I'm curious to know what else you think of me. I sense it's not the only word you have to define me." He sounded bolder, and his eyes were on mine, giving me shivers down my spine. 

"Well… I think you're too exceptional to be defined with a few words. You're… Kind, brilliant… I see how seeing what you see, doing what you do, how it wrecks you sometimes, and you just keep doing it because you're saving lives. That's so selfless, Will. That's…" I was going to say more, but at that very moment, a loud thunder just made the house practically tremble, and I let out a real inelegant weep, coming closer to Will and holding his arm firmly, my fingers grabbing on the fabric of his shirt. He could've thought it was an artifice to get closer to him, but he could see how frightened I was, trembling like a cornered wild little beast. I hated thunders, fireworks, anything loud. Feeling ridiculous, I released his shirt, apologizing with embarrassment.

"It's okay. It's just noise. I'm here." He put some of my hair that had fallen to my face behind my ear with such a tenderness that I felt my stomach twitch, realizing suddenly how close we were. He was looking at me as if it was the first time he was actually seeing me. 

The phone rang again. Alana! I grabbed it from the coffee table, turning to face Will. He wasn't avoiding eye contact anymore, his pupils were dilated. My breathing was accelerated, and I knew it had little to do with the thunder.

"Lana, is everything okay?" I asked with genuine concern. "Are you close?"

"Ah, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll make it in time, I'm driving slow, the roads are slippery because of the storm and it's pretty foggy. I'll stop at a motel and spend the night, or at least wait for the storm to pass. I'm so furious with myself!"

"It's okay cuz, do what's safer for you. I'm sure Will will understand. I'll pass him the phone." I gave him the phone and he talked to Alana for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. She'd ruined the moment unintentionally, and now he was probably going home. When would I have an opportunity like that again? 

"Okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alana. Take care." He gave me the phone and I put it on the coffee table again. Before any of us could say anything, another thunder cracked the sky, and this time, Will held me so I wouldn't be afraid. The lights went out, and he held me against his chest protectively, making me smell his aftershave and some perfume. He smelled so good. For a moment, I just stood there in his arms, feeling his warmth, his breath, the steady beats of his heart. 

I moved away just a little to see his face, very close to mine, but it was so dark I could only see shadows. A lightning lit up the room and, just for a little moment, I could see his gorgeous eyes staring at me. After a soft touch of his thumb on my lips, he finally kissed me, so gentle, like I could break as fine china with any rougher move. I touched his neck with both my hands, playing with his hair, feeling how soft they were. He pulled me closer, his hands on my waist, and the kiss started to get deeper, voracious, as if we were hungry for each other. Maybe the wine was helping to raise the lust; all I know is that I've wanted that to happen for a long time. Will's kiss was everything I imagined it would be, but entirely different at the same time. All I could say was that he was great at it. His hands traveled through my body, and I grabbed his hair, pulling it slightly. That made a low growl echo through his chest, and I started to feel my body fervent as a bonfire.

I couldn't say much because I was breathless and I didn't want to stop what we were doing, so a single word left my lips as I kept my forehead on his.

"Stay."

Will bit his lip, kissing me again, and that was all the answer I needed.

xx 

Morning. Thin sunrays illuminated my bedroom floor through the curtains, waking me up. The storm was gone. I haven't had a nice night of sleep like that in ages. I looked at the other side of my bed and there was Will, sleeping heavily. It wasn't a dream, after all. Last night really happened. I smiled, staring at the roof with disbelief in my eyes.

I stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just let him sleep? He looked so heavenly, his hair was messy, his breathing steady, he seemed so less troubled than he usually was. I touched his hair lightly, caressing it with tenderness, and he started to move. I could see his neck, and a few hickies we marked on his albescent skin. That made me blush a little bit, and I laughed silently. 

He opened his eyes while I still touched his hair, but I didn't stop, and he didn't seem to want me to. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, and he smiled, a different smile than the usual ones he gave me.

"Hi." He said, pulling me closer by my waist, stroking the skin under the sheets. I pecked him on the lips, then kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jawline. 

"Hey there. Good morning. I'm starving, are you having breakfast with me?"

"Actually, I gotta go home. Feed the dogs." He said, stroking my nude shoulder with his finger.

"Of course. Your dogs. I won't keep you then, poor babies must be so hungry." I kissed his cheek and was about to get up when he pulled me again, gently kissing my lips. I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. A joyful idiot. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be in the kitchen."

I dressed up in my long and black robe, smiling at him before I left the room, going to the kitchen, where I started to make some french toasts. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open, and an exhausted Alana came in, her hair frizzy and her coat looking still a bit wet.

"Oh, Lana! Go change, you'll get a cold!" I stopped what I was doing, going to her and helping to take off her coat.

"That storm was a nightmare. I swear I won't ignore the warnings ever again. I'm so sorry, I had no idea it would get this bad, yesterday was one of those days where everything just goes wrong. Hope Will arrived well at home, did he seem disappointed or annoyed before he left? I was so inconvenient…"

I didn't even have time to answer, because Will opened my bedroom door, coming out while buttoning his shirt, suddenly realizing Alana was there.

"Oh." Alana said, looking so flabbergasted I almost laughed at her. Will rose his eyebrows at the sight of her, seeming a bit unsure of what to do or say. I wasn't planning for her to find out like this, it was a bit early, I wasn't expecting her to arrive so soon. "Hi, Will."

"Alana. Hi." He avoided looking at her, staring at me, and his eyes immediately softened. I smiled, he smiled back, and that was it, Alana was forgotten.

"Off you go to feed your children." I joked, biting my bottom lip. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Definitely." He simply said, kissing my forehead while caressing my hair, certainly a little embarrassed to kiss me in front of Alana. "See you later, Y/n. Bye, Alana."

"Bye, Will." I waved with a soft smile, and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the house.

My smile grew larger and I left my head fall back, squeaking low in commemoration. What a night! What a morning! I never thought I would thank a storm so much, let alone a bloody thunder.

Before Alana could say anything, I realized Will had left his glasses at the coffee table, and I picked it up in a hurry, bursting through the front door and calling him before he left, waving in front of the car.

"You forgot your glasses!" I said, and he opened the car windows, raising his hand to pick them.

I leaned against the car window, putting the glasses on him, and kissing his lips fiercely. He moaned in surprise, holding my face to deepen the kiss. After a moment, I pulled away, appreciating the view of his lips so reddish. 

"Go back inside, it's cold." He said with a cheeky smile, and before I could say he actually made me hotter, he took off with the car.

I went back inside, where Alana was waiting for me with her arms crossed. 

"What the hell did you do to Will Graham?" She asked, sounding severe, but a smile was trying to escape her lips "I mean, besides trying to suck his soul with your mouth a few moments ago."

"Oh, shut up!" I laughed, blushing violently. "You made that happen, you know? Thank you. Was that a set up or did the universe actually conspire in my favor?"

"I wish I'd planned this. That would mean I would've had a plan b and I wouldn't have stayed at that disgusting mote… Y/n, you're full of hickies, I can't believe you!"

"You're starting to sound like my mom, Lana. I'm gonna wear a turtleneck, don't worry, I don't want Beverly all over me like a bloodhound and Brian and Jimmy's witty comments today. In fact, keep it to yourself, okay? Will's discreet. I won't even tell Beverly, if she finds out, the whole bureau will know, hell, maybe even Freddie Lounds."

"I told you to let it go, Y/n. Will's very unstable right now. I… I only want what's best for you." She said with concern in her bright blue eyes. I sighed, walking to her and kissing her cheek with affection.

"You're a good cousin. But I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, okay? Unless this isn't only about me, unless it concerns something else." I raised an eyebrow while staring at her, more confident that I've ever been. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

She hesitated, clenching her jaw, but never spoke. 

I smiled, tapping her cheek very lightly in approval.

"I gotta get ready to work. Wanna grab lunch with me later?" I asked in a casual tone, a cynical smile on my face. She shrugged. "See you later then, cuz."

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

In Daniel Kitson's old radio shows, he made repeated claims that the band The Lucksmiths based the song Hiccup in Your Happiness on him. I tried to find clips of that recently for an archive and annoyingly could only find one instance of it, though I know he claimed it several times (though at least that one instance I did find was enough to assure me that I hadn't made the whole thing up). The Lucksmiths were an Australian band that Kitson was utterly obsessed with from about 2006 to about 2010, and still played them once in a while as recently as his 2023 run of radio shows. In his 2009 shows from MICF he had them play a song live in the studio one night, and got amusingly uncharacteristically starstruck, introduced the band by telling the audience "I can't even look at them", which I liked as a succinct description of how star-struck-ness feels. One time, during the graveyard radio run from MICF in 2008, he played every track off an entire Lucksmiths album with no talking in between, much to the annoyance of Matthew Crosby.

He also wrote the liner notes for their EP from 2006, which was entitled A Hiccup In Your Happiness and started with that song, which I guess offers a bit of credence to his claim that he inspired the lyrics to that song, since he apparently did know them well enough to do that. They might have let the subject of their song write the liner notes for the album. Or Kitson might have been making up the claim that he'd inspired the song, and they just let him do liner notes because they figured if you let a very well-respected comedian scribble on your album cover, then it will become a collector's item that some wildly over-invested fan of his will purchase 18 years later. Which is exactly what's happened, making this one of three physical CDs that I've bought online in the last month, because sometimes it's fun to pretend that it's 2006.

I scanned it with my roommate's scanner to get what is annoyingly not a great quality image, but it's the best I could do:

I couldn't get my own laptop to connect to my roommate's scanner, so I just scanned it to his computer and then sent it to myself. I sent it from his Messenger account, as that was open and seemed like the easiest way. I did not consider what an odd non-sequiter that would create in our Messenger conversation, that from his perspective, the last message was one from him to me asking if I'd eaten all the chicken from the fridge (I had, but I told him so in person), and then suddenly there was a picture of a screed with quite an intense message about the nature of love, apparently sent from him to me even though he'd never seen it before.

He sent me a message saying "that's one way to look at it", and I explained the situation as clearly as I possibly could, which I realized still wasn't very clear. Not easy to explain why I had gone online and purchased a CD from 2006 by an obscure Australian band, and then scanned it to his computer and sent it to myself. And once I started trying to explain it to him, I quickly realized I couldn't do a great job of justifying the decision even to myself. "Okay, there's a man named Daniel Kitson, and what happened was that in the early 2000s he said he didn't want a popular following, and he's a very very good comedian, but if he'd just been normal about it then he'd just be a normal very very good comedian with a normal level of people greatly enjoying his very good work, but because he was so committed to obscurity some people got really into collecting everything he ever did, which suggests his obscurity commitment backfired if you assume its goal was to actually keep him obscure, though if its goal was to create massive demand for everything he put out there, it actually worked very well. He's still a very very good comedian but he mainly just talks about ceramic pots and stuff these days. Anyway I bought this CD." I did not try to explain all this to my roommate. I actually blamed a friend of mine, said I bought the CD because he wanted to see it and it was easier to ship to my place than to his, which was technically true but I didn't get into the fact that I very much wanted to see it too.

It's a nice song, though. I'm not sure if they were quite as great as Daniel Kitson thought they were, but Lucksmiths ones are some of the few songs from his 2023 radio run that I didn't skip when he played them (I didn't skip them in the older radio shows either, but I listened to most songs from the early runs because I liked his music taste a lot better in 2007 than in 2023).

[lorei-writes]

Abuse in Fiction

I think I spoke of a related issue once already, but well, I do not mind repeating myself. In a way, I even enjoy it, I suppose. It’s mildly personal this time too, hm.

So, as some of you may know, I am of a strong belief that fiction should not be hopeless and that it is easy to write a story full of despair - and harder to undo all the harm that’s been done. However, I am also of belief that... My views never matter more than that of another person, and that we are all entitled to our own stances, morals and opinions, for at least as long as we do not enforce those on others. (For the record here, I do not consider hatred an opinion or standard of any type; another distinction that needs to be made: facts are not opinions).

As such, the following will be my opinions, and nothing more. Whether you agree with them or disagree - this is yours, not mine. I do not aim to convince anybody to see the world the way I do.

Well, where do I even start? One step at a time, I suppose.

Bad people do good things. & Good people do bad things.

You need knowledge to realise what is abusive.

Themes of abuse are not inherently harmful.

Gatekeeping requires proof.

What can I do?

A little bit personal something.

Bad people do good things & Good people do bad things

As alluring as it may be, the world cannot be split in neat categories of pure goodness and pure evil. What makes a person good? What makes them bad? Is the good one that who does not harm others? It is generally the definition of goodness I go by, and yet - it is not absolute.

What I’m trying to say is that, to try and split people into good-bad categories based on a single action is... Not really productive. It may be an error. It may be a result of something you are not aware of. And, yes, it may turn out they are indeed not a “good person”, whichever definition you go by - but it also may not.

We are talking about fiction here, however. Not killing, not abusing somebody yourself, but an act of writing about it. If it is tagged appropriately - then who is being hurt? If it is tagged, the person who read it consented to it in the first place. They could have withdrawn. If it is not tagged... Then, it brings me to my second point.

You need knowledge to realise what is abusive.

I would love to see a world in which every single person is educated and capable of recognising different forms of abuse. However, we do not live in such a world. We live in one where access to sex education is still limited in plenty places, where access to mental health services may be restricted, where mental illness is sometimes still a cultural taboo, where humans are being trafficked, abused in all form, dehumanised, enslaved, all to the benefit of rich countries. We do not live in an ideal world, so to require people to act in ideal ways? I consider it ludicrous.

Plenty cultures around the world glamourise abuse - or so it is at least in Europe. What books are best-sellers? 50 Shades of Grey. 365 Days was somewhat big too. If a person cannot get education from a reliable source, if the culture perpetuates the belief that a form of abuse is not in fact abusive, or what is arguably worse, is well-deserved, then how will they know it is in fact hurtful?

You must realise that, even for victims of abuse, it may take decades to learn why they were hurting, to realise that something was in fact wrong. You must realise those people may include themes of abuse in their work thinking that this is how it just is.

Is it perpetuating the harmful norm? It is.

But are they doing it consciously? Or is it the by-product of their culture? And if so, is it their fault?

Is ostracising them and calling them morally wrong doing anything to counter the hurtful norm? Do we need to abandon a topic completely, as some approaches to it may be hurtful? Or do we need to deconstruct it? To realise what beliefs linger behind the words?

Themes of abuse are not inherently harmful.

Abuse victims do not always get their feelings validated. Not only that, they may lack a safe space to share their experiences in any form at all. Fiction provides such an outlet.

Are all depictions of abuse good? Well, of course, no. Romanticising abuse justifies it. It normalises it. We should strive not to ever include such a thing in a work. Many hurtful beliefs can be transferred through fiction - “abuse made them stronger”, “abuse made them kinder”, “once abused will turn into the abuser”, “if you were abused, you do not have a choice but to abuse”, “a parent and child always have some magical bond tying them together”. The list goes on and on. Some people use it as a shock factor, something that does not have any lasting and realistic influence over the characters - and that, in my opinion, is disrespectful.

However, if one were to ban abuse from fiction, they would have to cut out all the scenes calling out abuse for what it is. They would have to cut out hopeful stories, to take away from what may lead somebody to realise they are not treated appropriately. People learn through stories too - and some use fiction to process the issues they faced.

Gatekeeping requires proof.

As you might have noticed, I spoke about how themes of abuse resonate with abuse survivors themselves. Of course, some will not need it. Some will avoid the topic completely.

But, the question is: so perhaps, only abuse survivors should be entitled to writing about abuse?

Well... No. First, it requires proof. Then, it would require some sort of grading system - and that by itself is so dehumanising and humiliating I do not think I have to explain it. Also, the fact that somebody survived abuse does not mean they worked through all the toxicity it brought upon them and that they are capable of not repeating the hurtful messages.

Some people survived abuse and they are not aware of it. Does it make them a bad, hideous person if they include themes of what they considered normal in their work? Or perhaps they do not view it as ordinary, but cannot see a reflection of that in their own situation? Are they morally detestable? Or are they a victim?

What can I do?

Does it mean you should approve all depictions of abuse in fiction? No. Absolutely not, never. It means you should be critical about it, and that stigmatising people does not solve the issue.

Be critical of what you read.

Educate yourself on what is and what is not abusive.

If your friend (or a person you feel comfortable pointing it out to) made something toxic seem romantic/normal - tell them. (It can be a rather emotional discussion, so really, make sure you can handle it).

Do your best not to romanticise abuse in your own work.

If you do choose to write about abuse, make sure to label it clearly.

If it is a NSFW type of content, and the characters are acting out a scenario - show that it is a scenario played out between two consenting adults, and that it can and it will end the moment one of them opts out. If it is not consensual and was not meant to be consensual, show it for what it is - abuse.

Educate yourself, and if possible others, on what is and is not appropriate.

And, if you interacted with a piece of media that bothered you personally:

Block the author of it. Do not interact with the rest of their work.

If it is not labelled appropriately, do tell your friends of it. Warn them.

If you enjoy other works by the author and still want to follow them - ask them to label abuse. They may do it, they may not do it. Decide whether you still want to follow them afterwards.

A little bit personal something.

Content Warnings: discussion of abuse, domestic abuse, suicide mentions, self-harm, rape

Well, I never hid the fact that I lived through domestic abuse. There are authors in our fandom whose works I avoid specifically because of their poor handling of themes of abuse at the hands of a parent.

It took me 15 years to find words to describe my pain. I did not know I was abused for the majority of the time it happened. It was my reality - it was just how the world functioned. Did it spill into my early writing? Yes. But not in the ways you would have expected. My characters were not abusive themselves. They idealised suicide. They would hurt themselves, although not with blades or anything of the like - and at the time, I did not know it was self-harm either. In the plot, they were being abused, and they would come out of it victorious.

I am comfortable saying this. But somebody may not be. They may not know yet.

This post was sparked by a person calling people who write rape “sick in the head” (ugh, stigmatisation of mentally ill people aside, at least this time, okay?). I do not condone romanticising rape. It is disgusting, as any form of abuse. I blocked authors who did not label it and thus exposed me to sensitive content without my consent. I did not go through it and I do not wish for anybody to go through it. However, the post lacked this sort of nuance. It was about the entirety of it, however it was handled.

I do not know why somebody writes it. I do not think I have the right to demand an answer to that. I do not have the right to decide who was hurt “bad enough” (as if something like so existed in the first place) to touch the subject.

I also do not want to stigmatise people who did not get proper education on the matter. How many of them were raped and did not know that lack of consent equals rape? How many of them realised or will realise it after years? How many were failed by their education system, were victims to the times they were born in, to the culture?

Because, remember, to plenty people rape is something that happens in the black alley, at hands of a stranger. Not something done by their partner, when they hope to just get done with the thing and move on - after all, it happened to them. And said partner is not a bad person, so how could he do something bad?

I cannot say whether a person is processing something. I cannot say whether a person consumed so much of modern popular media and lacks knowledge and experience necessary to understand that scenes depicted in it are in fact ABUSE. Sometimes I am near stating that media almost conditions us to accept some forms of abuse as normal.

What I can say is that, well, if you make writing about one type of abuse a taboo, another one may follow.

I do not think this approach answers the problem of why do multiple people, across different fandoms and countries, perceive something abusive as “not that bad”, even bordering appropriate. I do not think that stigmatising the people who write such things is going to change much. It will certainly not target the ones who need education.

And well, it removes the opportunities to critically approach the matter. I know it is hard. But people need to understand why certain narrative choices are harmful and hurtful, not just be presented with “writing about abuse is evil”. We still need spaces to safely discuss abuse.

People need to understand why something is bad, not just label it as bad and be done with it.