#stale fries
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I saw a post saying that they hate stale fries. Well you know what OP? **I LOVE STALE/LIMP/SOGGY FRIES AND MAKE ALL MY FRIES STALE!**
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Underrated zosan: Sanji making a snack just for Zoro apparently?
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#zosan#he's the only one with a snack!#not even Luffy!#not even the girls!!!#why just Zoro?#and before anybody suggests Sanji's feeding Zoro something gross:#yes. it is stale bread.#but it's fried and coated in cinnamon sugar.#at least according to the recipe in Sanji's cookbook
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March 13 2024
I went bowling
#smt#vinnigami doodles#raidou#stale cheeze#fresh concrete#casino fries are not all that they burnt the hell out of them#i also don’t know how to bowl.#it was fun :)
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"the silence woke her mind
while the rain invited the ghosts
leaving more then just thoughts to fill the cold air
with the fire
not a care for the burnt feeling
it might bring to your cold hands
getting to close
because it might warm something else inside
something worth burning
something that shouldn't
but it does because no matter
the quote
the sympathy
or the kind thoughts
the understanding
it all adds up to feeling as though you deserve to be cold and hot at the same time
in the same moment
the smoke in my eyes
the glasses do not catch
a different burning sensation
feels nice
while the smoke fills my lungs
i accept the hurt
for i except the comfort and the warmth
for this fortnight
for this cycle
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just hosed a massive plate of over salted vaguely chilaqueles based food and I can feel my blood pressure slowly rising
#fried diced potatos and stale tortilla chips cooked in a jar of salsa with a fried egg on top#badger rants
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I love how french fries are pushed so hard at every Greek restaurant and every time without fail they are the driest waste of potatoes imaginable.
#and then they put the stale-ass fries in Gyros#along with the worst meat-to-vegetable ratio and just Too Much feta cheese#you still eat it though because it’s Delicious
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One of my local girlscouts consortiums SWITCHED BAKERIES and I, naturally, immediately seized the opportunity to purchase and consume samoas. I have only ever had caramel delites, which were the undisputed best cookie when I was of the age of selling them, but because of high demand, the past couple of years...by the time I get the box, they're kinda stale. And nobody is selling this type of cookie off brand, this isn't the lemon shortbread. I've been craving a chance to try the Samoas (rare, maybe not stale) for years.
Similarly, I've been throwing myself at the Hollow Knight colliseum of fools for like. I mean objectively years but subjectively the past week or so I've been trying to get through Trial 2. Today felt like the day. I've been trying off and on since 3 pm. I decided I'd do one more run and then finally get up and go poke at the Exocolony (since Ive been saying I'd get up and do that for the last. Hour and a half.) But I promised myself a samoas if I won.
And BITCH
#i shrieked#hollow knight is my comfort game in times of stress#on the theory of doing stressful things that are small and controllable#half dead fried life#OH ALSO#THE SAMOA WAS VERY GOOD#NOT STALE#NICE FLAVOR#I MAY BE AGING OUT OF THE CARAMEL BOMB GENERALLY#but it was still a handsome reward#cw food
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You’d better bet my f/o’s still love me even after they see my pale, nude goblin form skitter out of my room in the dark of midnight to snatch handfuls of cold stale fries I left on the countertop
#f/o posting#f/o things#because who wouldnt love me at that#okay hot take but mac donalds fries taste better stale#and cold#i literally cannot explain why#but they do#ONLY mac donalds fries tho#thats why i get them so often#cause if i forget about them they’ll taste even better#peak adhd snack#they taste pretty good hot and crispy too#all around best fries
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they're painting my makeshift office so i have to sit at the front desk again 🥲
#i love having the big window but i miss having a door#and now the office smells like stale french fries and paint#n lowkey the dude whos working here makes me uncomfy so lets hope these next 4 hours zip by lol#shouting into the void here
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torn between marathoning the lotr trilogy or the prequel trilogy next weekend and i can already feel myself making the objectively wrong choice
#literally like do i want a fine dining experience at a 5 star restaurant or do i want cold stale mcdonalds fries. i think ill go for fries.#avpost#you might be thinking why would you ever choose to watch the prequel trilogy again on purpose#well. bc there's a midnight screening of revenge of the sith that i kind of want 2 go 2. so that's why#might save lotr for memorial day weekend idk.#but also. sigh i don't want to wait that long. i could squeeze them in to the same weekend but that would be insanity#they should give us 3 day weekend mandatory so i can watch. more movies.#i guess i could also just watch tpm and aotc on wednesday and thursday and then go to the rots screening on friday instead#thus opening up saturday for the better trilogy. idk. much 2 consider.
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one of the wildest times in the late 2000s was when i was already having pb and j or ramen for dinner and then i would go to school and the lunch lady would fr give me one (1) french fry and 4 chicken nuggets bc mrs obama decided kids being fat was their own fault
#and thats if i had lunch money and wasn't in debt. if i was they would confiscate and throw out my hot lunch#and give me the most vile and stale pb and j known to man and everyone lnew u were poor#bc no one took those sandwiches by choice!#btw im not exaggerating abt the one whole french fry. she put three fries on my tray#took a good look at it and then me#and put two back#it wasn't personal bc i was a chubby kid it was happening to everyone#but still insidious!#personal
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formulating a recipe for what i call onion-snot. i believe this has medicinal properties. further details will be revealed as i perfect the formula.
#and grandma says you can substitute sesame oil for olive oil thats had garlic fried in it with the skin until its brown.#with stale chicken grease. and very old dusty dried sage.
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"the silence woke her mind
while the rain invited the ghosts
leaving more then just thoughts to fill the cold air
with the fire
not a care for the burnt feeling
it might bring to your cold hands
getting to close
because it might warm something else inside
something worth burning
something that shouldn't
but it does because no matter
the quote
the sympathy
or the kind thoughts
the understanding
it all adds up to feeling as though you deserve to be cold and hot at the same time
in the same moment
the smoke in my eyes
the glasses do not catch
a different burning sensation
feels nice
while the smoke fills my lungs
i accept the hurt
for i except the comfort and the warmth
for this fortnight
for this cycle
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Sonic > McDonald’s
Fight me, fellow Americans
#sonic#their burgers are so much better#they have variety of fries#mcdonalds tastes stale and like soap#mcdonalds
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taking whats mine - joel miller x reader
⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ synopsis : you head to the bar to blow off some steam after a petty argument with your boyfriend, joel, but you end up flirting with the last person you should've been flirting with.
⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ warnings/tags : MINORS DNI, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, begging, crying, spanking, jealous sex, angry sex, rough fucking, pet names, praise, degradation, use of sir, use of daddy (once), age gap (reader is 22, joel is 48), fingering, dom!joel, jealous!joel, no outbreak, no use of y/n, alcohol consumption, pussy slapping, public sex
⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ contains : older!joel miller x younger!reader, borderline infidelity, public sex, alcohol consumption, large consensual age gap
⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ wc : 3.7k
the bar hums with a steady pulse of low conversation and the clinking of glass while neon lights buzz faintly above the bar counter, casting a colourful glow over people nestled into the worn leather booths and high padded stools. a jukebox in the corner crackles with the opening beat of song 2 by blur, blending with the cacophony of voices and laughter while a group of people begin to cheer after the home team scores, TV’s playing the football game. the air smells faintly of spilt beer, fried food, stale smoke, and sweat, causing your nose to wrinkle slightly as you sink down into the plush barstool.
normally, you’d be pulled tight on your boyfriends lap, his large, muscular arms pinning you against him as he ordered drinks for the both of you, fingers digging into your plush thighs as you bat your eyelashes at him in gratitude, intoxicated by his scent.
this time, however, you are alone.
joel didn’t typically feed into your petty attitudes, usually preferring to fuck them out of you and calm you down by pulling orgasm after orgasm out of you. but after an especially long week at work where there seemed to be a never-ending barrage of issues with the place him and his brothers team were building and far too many 14 hour days, he snapped. you had been begging him to take you out, promising him it would ease some of his tension and stress but he repeatedly declined, telling you he had a headache and would rather stay home and watch football.
you tried to understand, really you did. but it was safe to say that after a week of barely seeing him, not being able to wrap your legs around his waist and tug on the salt and pepper curls at the base of his neck, that you didn’t really care how he was feeling, just wanting to spend time with him outside of the house and do anything other than watch sports. of course, it was petty, selfish, and immature, but being 22 will do that to you, you supposed.
you had left the house with a huff and a slam of the front door after joel had told you to “quit bein’ a fuckin’ brat and pissin’ me off. go out if you want to that badly.” with a mean lilt to his voice that made your stomach simmer with an angry burn. that was the meanest he’d ever been to you outside of your sex life. the two of you had been together for no more than two and a half months, still keeping it private and between you and him. your parents hadn’t a clue, and neither did joel’s brother. you hadn’t met him yet, the only thing about him you knew was that his name is tommy and him and joel still fight like teenage boys, a smile tugging at your lips at the thought.
you white-knuckled the steering wheel the entire drive to the bar, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth as his words kept repeating in your head.
so, that’s how you found yourself nursing a lone star, your black mini skirt hugging your hips and ass while your corset top squishes your tits into your torso, accentuating your cleavage deliciously. you make conversation with the bartender as she cleans glasses, mixes drinks, and wipes down the counter, looking around at the patrons trying to find someone worth flirting with.
under any other circumstances, you would never even consider batting your eyelashes and giggling for any other man but joel, but you simply knew him too well. you knew the way you huffed and slammed the door, leaving in an anger, had left his cock angry and straining against his jeans as his mind reeled, fighting against the urge to follow you to the bar and fuck you right in his truck, setting you straight. regardless, you knew you were getting fucked tonight, but it would be much more fun if you could bring out the possessive side of joel that made him press your thighs to your shoulders while his cock abused your pussy until you couldn’t even think. the thought sent a pang of warmth straight down to your core and you squeeze your thighs together in an attempt for some semblance of relief.
as if on cue, an older man, maybe in his late 30’s to early 40’s, enters the bar and a mischievous smile makes its way onto your face. you watch with your bottom lip between your teeth as he approaches the bar, settling down in the only available stool; the one right beside you. he glances over at you and you shoot him a smile, pushing your hair off of your shoulder as you take a sip from your glass, leaning forward to lean on your palm.
“now what’s a pretty young thing like you doin’ at a bar like this?” he drawls, green eyes twinkling as he studies your face before dragging his eyes up and down your body.
bingo.
you hum, trying to decide what to say while tapping your nail against your lip as you support your head on the palm of your hand. “boyfriends bein’ an asshole so i came to blow off some steam,” you settled on telling him a half truth.
joel was being an asshole, but because you deserved it, and the only steam you were looking to blow off was with joel.
the man beside you chuckled, pushing a few stray pieces of dirty blonde hair out of his face, the rest tied back. “naughty girl,” he chided, eyes dragging up your body again and settling on your tits before making eye contact again.
something tugged at you, making your stomach churn anxiously. he looks oddly familiar, you realize, but you shake the feeling, comforting yourself with the fact that you and joel had come here many times, and you’d probably just seen this guy around before.
“somethin’ like that,” you reply with a giggle, pushing yourself to sit back up after finishing the rest of your beer, turning and ordering another one. you reach for your wallet to pay before you see a card being slid across the counter.
“let me take care of it, darlin’.” he winks, a smile spreading across his bearded face as you thank him with a light touch to his bicep.
the two of you talk for several minutes, his flirting making you giggle as your hair falls in front of your face before you take a drink of the beer he had paid for, wiping away the foam that had appeared on your top lip with your pointer finger before popping it in your mouth, making eye contact with the man beside you.
he smirks and tucks your hair behind your ear, out of your face and your stomach twists with guilt. his eyes flit down to your lips, and his thumb meets your bottom lip, swiping across it lightly.
“what i’d give to see you suck somethin’ else off them pretty fingers of yours,”
okay, now you feel really guilty.
you had expected joel to come after you sooner, have him walk in and see you simply talking to someone, but this was bordering on actual cheating. you wriggle nervously in your seat eliciting a chuckle from the man beside you, but before you could truly process your guilt, an angry voice came from behind you.
“get the fuck away from her, tommy.”
your heart drops to your stomach as the realization hits you. no wonder he was so god damn familiar, he was joels fucking brother. the guilt was eating you alive now as you whip around to face joel, his eyes dark and jaw tensed.
“joel i-“ you start, but he glares at you with a look you’ve never seen before, pointing a finger in your direction.
“dont.” he warns, and you feel a flood of warmth in your core at his words, thighs rubbing together in your seat. joel looks down at your movement and scoffs, jaw tightening so hard you thought he might break his teeth. jesus fucking christ.
“joel, what the fuck? this is the girl you’ve been seein’?” tommys mouth hangs open, looking between the two of you before standing and putting his hands up in defense as joel’s eyes meet his, glaring.
“we can talk about it later,” he grunts, looking at his brother before gripping your wrist tightly, yanking you off of the stool. “you, however,” he drawls, voice lowering as he pulls you closer to him, “are comin’ with me right the fuck now.”
you nod silently, mumbling out a quiet “it was nice meeting you,” to tommy, which only serves to make joel grip your wrist harder as he drags you out of the bar. you can feel yourself getting wetter at the thought of what’s in store for you, following joel in a horny trance as he pulls you past his truck.
“wha- where are we-“ you start before joel tugs you around a corner and into a dark alleyway before pressing your back up against the brick wall, thigh quickly finding purchase between your legs as his torso presses against yours. you whine at the pressure on your clothed cunt, trying to grind down onto his thigh only to be stopped by a bruising grip on your hips.
“you want me that fuckin’ bad? huh?” joel mocks you, his breath hot and heavy as his mouth hovers over yours, sending chills down your spine and causing more slick to collect in your panties. one hand releases your hip as it snakes up and grips your jaw as he moves your head to the left, inspecting your face before repeating the motion, turning your head to the right. a dark look washes over his face, clearly displeased at your lack of a reply.
“answer me when i speak to you.” he spits out angrily, watching as your eyes widen and a low whine escapes your throat causing his cock to twitch in his jeans.
“y-yes.” you manage to pant out, head buzzing at the sensation of his breath on your face, his burning grip on your face and hips, and the pressure burning a hole into your cunt.
“yes what?” joel grunts, eyes dragging down your body as a string of obscenities leave his mouth, studying the way the slit of your skirt just barely covers the string of your thong wrapping around your hips and the way your tits press together in your tight top. his bruising grip leaves your face and two fingers press onto your clothed clit, making you writhe against his touch.
“yes sir,” you moan out, brain and body overwhelmed as a groan leaves his lips as he realizes just how wet you are for him, panties thoroughly soaked through, leaving a wet spot on his thigh where he had pressed against you. you whine at his reaction and his eyes flit back up to yours as he quickly flips you around, hands now bracing yourself against the wall as he presses his thick bulge against your ass.
“think i ‘oughta remind you who you belong to,” joel hurriedly pulls your mini skirt up, letting it sit on your waist as he lets out a low whistle, eyes settling on the black g-string that sat between your asscheeks, a pretty gold heart holding the strings together at the top.
“what? you jealous that your brother wants to fuck me just as much as you do-” a hand comes down on your right ass cheek with burning strength as you yelp out, tears threatening to fall from your eyes at the mixture of pain and pleasure. “you put these on for me? or are they for whichever guy your greedy self set your eyes on first?” his hand comes down on your ass again, ignoring your snide comment and you push your hips back into him, grinding against his bulge.
“a-ah- i swear joel! i swear i didn’t know he was your broth-“ you stammer before receiving another three smacks on your ass with no soothing rubs to follow, leaving you to stew there with an unbearable burn, sure to turn into welts come the morning.
“dont.” he reaffirms with another smack to your ass before ripping your thong from your body as you cry out.
“joel,” you whine, fingers digging into the brick wall in front of you as your forehead rests against the wet rock. “i really liked that pair…” you mumble as he scoffs at you, fingers tracing delicate lines through your wet, swollen folds.
“p-please baby i-“ you’re interrupted by another smack to your ass and you moan as you feel more slick pour from your needing cunt, dripping down your thighs.
“you lost any control you thought you mighta had when you decided to suck on your finger and eye fuck my brother right in fronta’ me, sweetheart.” joel growls into your ear, pressing his body right up against yours as his hair raked itself through your hair, yanking your head back by his makeshift ponytail.
“joel please, i swear i didn’t know!” you beg, your voice coming out as a breathy whine as your hips grind desperately against him, hoping to find any sort of friction to release the tension coiling in your stomach.
“ohh it ain’t about knowin’ baby girl,” his fingers make their way back to your soaking cunt, sliding through your folds with ease before rubbing tight circles against your clit, finally giving you what you were craving.
“you fucked up real good.” joel continues, fingers dragging back up before plunging deep inside of your tight pussy, pumping in and out of you at a relentless pace as your back arches, slapping one of your hands over your mouth in an attempt to silence the broken moan being ripped from your throat.
“don’t go all quiet on me now darlin’,” he teases, his free arm reaching around to pull your wrist behind your back. “want everyone to know just who you belong to.” joel finishes, his fingers curling up inside you and finding that spot that has you dripping all over his hand, another loud moan being ripped from your throat.
he continues his ministrations, his thumb beginning to rub small circles onto your clit as he adds a third finger into your cunt, your head spinning as your pussy stretches to accommodate his large digits. joels mouth meets your neck, trailing wet kisses down to the crook of your neck where he sucks down hard on your skin.
“o-oh! joel-“ you can feel the coil in your stomach getting tighter, burning hotter, his fingers repeatedly stroke your g-spot, pulling a groan from his mouth as he feels your pussy clenching and fluttering around his fingers. he knows that you’re close, the way your legs are shaking and his name is leaving your lips like a prayer, pulling you closer to the edge.
“b-baby please, please ‘m so close… wanna come for you baby please,” you can feel it about to crash over you, threatening to make your knees buckle underneath you, stealing your vision. instead of your vision, joel steals your release, ripping his hand away from your dripping cunt as he plants another hard smack on your ass cheek.
“bad girls don’t get to come, baby.” he teases, watching as you cry out and writhe against his body. fat tears start to fall down your cheeks at your desperation and loss of release and joel tuts, his hands finally soothing the red of your ass.
“think ya needa be fucked till you remember whose you are, ain’t that right?” he asks, his voice low and gravelly with a hint of the same desperation you’re feeling. you nod fervently before receiving a hard slap to your cunt and you cry out, a sob coming from your mouth.
“y-yes! that’s right sir!” you correct yourself, sighing in relief as you hear the familiar jingle of his belt buckle and the zipper of his jeans, wiggling your ass for him while you try to sneakily touch yourself.
“mm-mm.” he stops you, gripping both of your wrists behind your back as you whine in disappointment.
“dunno why ya think you’re gonna be gettin’ anything ya want after the stunt ya just pulled.” joel grunted, releasing his thick cock from its confines as he tugs his pants down with one hand. a moan escapes your throat as you feel it smack against your ass, warm and heavy. you press your hips backwards, trying to will him into fucking you.
“ya want my cock baby?” he drawls, lazily dragging his tip through your drooling folds, making you shudder and inhale sharply.
“yes sir,” he hums contentedly and presses forward the smallest bit before stopping, making you whine.
“apologize.” he states flatly, cock unmoving as his hands release your wrists and grip your hips instead, forcing you to stay in place.
“‘m real sorry baby, please fuck me, i promise i learned my lesson,” you begged, attempting to push your hips backwards despite your clear inability to do so.
“you’re gonna have to try harder than that if you want my cock inside ya, darlin’.” he drawls, going back to rubbing his tip through your folds, making you cry out in desperation as your head starts to spin.
“p-please ‘m so sorry daddy, it’ll never happen again i promise, please jus’ fuck me- i need- i need you joel,” you pant out, crying again as he laughs meanly behind you. “im sor-”
you’re quickly interrupted by him stuffing your cunt with his cock, filling you to the brim in one quick stroke. “atta girl,” he praises, “knew i could get ya to listen to reason.”
you cry out in pleasure as you lose your vision, an orgasm ripping through your body at his words and the feeling of him deep inside of your sopping pussy, body shaking feverishly as he groans behind you.
“thas’ right baby, come all over my cock. show me who you belong to, angel.” he blabbers as he starts to fuck into you, hips slapping against yours as a squelching noise fills the air. joels hands reach down to grab at your ass, kneading the flesh between harsh smacks on your already sore cheeks.
“f-fuck!” you scream out as he fucks you through your orgasm, sliding his cock in and out of you at a devastating pace. you feel so fucking full, his cock reaching places deep inside you that you hadn’t even known existed until he waltzed into your life. he pulls you close to him, body pressing tightly against his as he buries his head into the crook of your neck.
“this perfect pussy ‘s all mine… so fucking tight baby, so perfect,” he groans into your ear, biting down on your shoulder as you shudder and gasp, barely able to make a noise with the way his cock pushes deep inside of you with every thrust of his hips. “say it. say ‘s all mine, sweet girl.”
“mmmm…” you moan as he rocks your body with his thrusts. “its all yours joel, ‘m pussy ‘s yours,” you scream out as he angles his hips higher, pushing the dip in your back further with one of his hands, cock violently punching into your g-spot.
“o-ohh,” you cry out, your wet walls clenching around his fat cock, relishing in the tingling sensation that grows inside of you.
“p-please don’t stop- ah! ‘m so close,” joel loses any control he previously had as he grabs your hips and slams your cunt onto his cock, the only sounds in the alleyway being the slapping of skin, the squelching of your wet pussy, and your loud moans that you’re sure passerby’s can hear.
“yeah?” he grunts, “such a fuckin’ slut for this cock, baby. such a good girl. come on my cock again, sweet thing,” he commands, and you know your body will obey. a burst of tension rolls through your body as he pulls your hips into him desperately like his life depends on it. you scream out again, voice sore and breaking as your second earth-shattering orgasm is ripped through you.
“fuck,” he groans, “you like makin’ me jealous baby? you like the way i slap that perfect ass of yours and fuck this tight little pussy?”
“y-yes! y-yes baby oh my god!” you whine out, coming down from your climax only to be greeted with another one quickly approaching.
“ya think you can come for me one more time baby?” he moans out, slapping your ass as he keeps fucking into you, your body shuddering as you feel the incredible size of him pumping into your cunt.
you nod your head feverishly and joel seems to be too lost in the feeling of your tight, wet walls to care that you didnt use your words.
“who else can make you cream on their cock like this, baby?” joel demands, groaning as he feels his own release quickly approaching as your walls flutter around him, your third climax rising up through your body.
“f-fuck, no one joel, no one but you,” you whine, your pussy spent and leaking your fluid as he continues fucking into you, his balls slapping against your clit bringing you even closer to finishing.
“m gonna come baby, right in this pretty little pussy of yours,” he grunts, slapping your ass as tears spill over, again. “c’mon baby give me one more, i know you can. prove to me you wanna be mine,”
joels hand reaches between your legs and he rubs delicious circles into your clit, your huge fucking mistake (being tommy) is now erased from your mind as your insides burst into flames and your hips snap backwards, meeting his thrusts as your cunt spasms around him. he lets out a long, low groan as he spills his release inside of you, fucking you through your third and final orgasm until his hips still, leaving you panting against the wall.
“such a good girl for me,” he purrs, pulling out and landing a final smack on your pussy, making your entire body convulse in overstimulation. you cry out softly and he pulls your body against him, finally holding you against his torso. you whine as you feel his spend leaking out of your pussy, and his fingers are quick to collect it and plug your dripping hole.
his fingers leave your cunt moments later and you let out a disappointed sigh as he taps your ass lightly, pressing a kiss to your marked up neck.
“now pull that slutty skirt down and get in the fuckin’ truck.”
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hoep you guys enjoyed!!! this is my first time writing smut in like 5 years so i hope its good </3 older men have been consuming my head so i wrote this up in a frenzy :P will be crossposted to ao3!
constructive criticism is welcome as always!
#eveomo#fanfiction#fanfic#smut#pedro pascal#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller smut#joel miller#joel the last of us#joel fanfic#joel tlou#tommy tlou#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller au#modern au#joel miller tlou#joel miller fix#joel miller fanfic#tlou fanfic#tlou fanfiction#the last of us#tlou#divider by cafekitsune#smut oneshot#oneshot
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Tim: There's fries in the fridge if you want
Jason, *opening fridge*: these cold stale ass fries?
Tim: They're in the fridge. Did you expect them to be freshly hot outta my ass?
Jason: Well damn, mb. I'll put them in the air fryer
Tim, muttering under his breath: look who developed common fucking sense
#they're siblings your honor#totally not a conversation between me and my sib#dc#batman#gotham#batfam#batfamily#dcu#jason todd#tim drake#red hood#red robin#incorrect quotes
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