#spoiler for the ending: I didn't intend it to be so bittersweet at the end (with an slight emphasis on the bitter)

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

For What the Future Holds

Prompt: forgiveness

Rating: K/General with mild themes

Setting: Starts Ichigo defeats Yhwach, continues into the very beginning of the ten year time skip. There’s also flashbacks to Toshiro and Momo's past dotted throughout.

Synopsis: Momo notices Toshiro is acting out of sorts ever since the war against the Quincy ended. Meanwhile, Toshiro tries to look to the future.

AN: It’s finally DONE!!

I had the idea for this ages ago (around the time of Horizons, which is why they have a similar structure as you’ll see), but it wasn’t until the 'forgiveness' prompt for the @yearoftheotpevent came up that I finally sat down and wrote it out. It didn't turn out to be the main or overarching theme and the fic itself turned into quite the emotional piece to write ^^;

This was also partly written in light of my headcanon becoming canon! I was aware of the question from Klub Outside a long time ago, but Kubo has confirmed Toshiro and Momo were neighbours rather than living under the same roof, which has always been the scenario I saw for them when I was reading BLEACH and writing fic.

Finally, this fic also has a flashback that slightly ties into When the Souls Sleep and the World is Our Own, but only in that it was a deleted scene and I found a way to include it here instead. You don’t have to read that fic to understand what happens in that scene, just that the setting is not long after they met.

Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy it!

____________________________

“I should’ve told you about it earlier.”

Momo blinks, both at the quietness of Toshiro’s voice and the bowing of his head in her peripheral. She raises her gaze to his face from the now healed over wound on his arm, cancelling the kido as she shifts over to sit next to him. “Told me about what?”

He rolls the tattered sleeve down. He contemplates what to say, staring down at his lap. Behind him, Hyourinmaru’s hilt glints, and beyond, Shinji and Kyouraku watch over those they’d dug out from the ruins earlier. Next to them, Nanao is communicating with someone in the Seireitei – Iemura, Momo suspects – trying to coordinate transportation for the injured, and Isane, bandaged up and still recovering from her own injuries, heals Aikawa. Far away at the Reio’s Palace, she can sense Rukia about to be reunited with her brother.

“That form is why I was training in the caves,” Toshiro says, diverting Momo’s attention back to him. “I should’ve told you about it sooner.

“You mean Hyourinmaru’s Completed Form?”

He nods.

Was that all? She thinks to tease him, to make light of something he seems to be treating with more seriousness than needed, but she halts at his gaze. It’s not the usual icy, determined one she’s used to.

He’s tired – and who could blame him after what they’d gone through? – and it makes him look vulnerable. Something trembles within him, something he’d likely keep hidden behind many walls.

She offers a sympathetic smile. “Why would you need to tell me about it?”

“The way you reacted before…you were startled. If you’d known before, it wouldn’t have been as much of a shock. I apologise.”

It’s true, she’d been stunned, had even flinched with a loud gasp when she first saw him, and was perhaps even a little frightened. She’d stood there, mouth agape and speechless, unable to take her eyes away from him, even as her captain swore and asked who he was. She hadn’t known how else to react, but later as he motioned her towards a piece of rubble to sit on as he explained how he had somehow become an adult, the shock wore off.

She had to resist the urge to hug him out of sheer relief, this was not the time or place for such high emotions. So she’d gotten to work on healing his wounds after he’d transformed back – but only after the others had been found and pulled out from under the rubble.

“It’s all right,” she reassures. “It was startling, yes, but I knew it was you. It was incredible, actually, but also not too surprising now that I know what it is."

He’s stunned, but hides it quickly with a clearing his throat and a deepened frown. “How so?”

“I didn’t see all of the battle you and Captain Kuchiki did with the Quincy, but what I did see was amazing. You froze the Quincy’s shield in mid-air, within a second. A-And then you froze the Quincy completely! I thought for sure he was defeated then, truly.”

He nods to himself, remembering. “So did I. He gave us more than we bargained for in the end.”

 “At least he’s gone.” Momo sighs, and with it, a weight is released. “At least…it’s over.” It’s like a vice has loosened around her head and chest. She lets out a shuddering breath and her eyes become watery. “We’re okay, now.”

“We’ll have a lot to do when we get back, it’s not…” Toshiro trails off when he meets her gaze again. His hand twitches at his side, clearly resisting moving it. After a beat, his lips shape into a faint smile and he let’s out a short, tired chuckle. “You gonna cry, bed-wetter?”

She can’t even be mad at the nickname, she becoming too overwhelmed. “No, it’s not the time and place to.” Even as she says this, she’s furiously wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

He shrugs. “No one would blame you.”

“But it’s like you said, we need to focus on the task at hand.” She gestures to the others a short distance away. “On transporting the injured back and figuring out what our next steps are.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” His smile widens a fraction. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Despite herself, she can’t help but grin back. She sniffs and looks down. “I’m just so glad it’s over.”

He only nods with a hum.

A silence passes between them, and Momo slowly realises her own exhaustion. She has enough energy to cast lower powered kido, but even then she might be pushing it. She finds herself sitting back against the same piece of broken wall Toshiro is, listening to the distant chatter amongst their friends and wreckage crumbling and falling. She cranes her neck on the rubble’s edge, looking up at the sky.

She’d seen him soar across it hours ago, only a spec at times, and a more recognisable figure at others. At one point, the cold of his reiatsu had washed over her like a gust in a blizzard, freezing and chilling her to bone. It ebbed away minutes later, but it made her realise the magnitude of his powers. She'd wondered if he had this power this entire time and had chosen not to unveil it until now, when he needed it most to protect the Soul Society. If he was capable of this now, who knew what he could achieve in the future.

But then her mind rolls into another thought, one that makes heat rush up the back of her neck to her ears and try to suppress a chuckle.

“What is it?”

By this point Toshiro had closed his eyes.

“It’s nothing important.”

He opens one eye, unconvinced. “The spike your reiatsu said otherwise.”

She bites the inside of her cheek, chastising herself internally for not keeping it under control. She’s tired, but it’s no excuse. She lets out a small chuckle. “I was thinking that, in a funny way, Hyourinmaru’s Completed Form has given us a glimpse into the future. It’s shown us what you’ll look like when you grow up.”

She had meant it as a tease, to try and lighten the mood, but Toshiro’s frown deepens. As if realising his reaction was unexpected, he let’s out a snort. “Anything can happen between now and then to change how I look.”

The usual bite is not there. The response itself is strange, too.

Before she can ask, her captain comes up to both of them, asking for her help with moving Aikawa’s injured leg into a makeshift splint.

As she rises and leaves with her captain, Toshiro’s smile fades away, and he stares into his lap. No, into something else.

___________________________________

There was a time where future went as far as Granny.

What would she need today? What days was she planning to go out and shop? Would he need to help her with?

When would she pass away?

Toshiro never lingers on that last thought, always distracting himself with whatever he could. At the moment, it’s with sweeping the house and yard.

He’s up to the front porch, pushing the dust and dirt off the edge with the broom. Granny is inside, sewing a new garment together for him.

“You’ve grown again,” she’d remarked earlier with a smile. “You’ll need new clothes now.”

As far as he could tell he hadn’t. The ground seemed to be as far away as it was a week ago, and he hadn’t put on any weight. But he had to admit his clothes the last few days had seemed a fraction shorter at his legs and tighter around his shoulders.

It’s a few minutes later when he hears yelling. A group of children rush past his house, some giggling, others chattering about Momo, who's at the center of attention. She excitedly tells them her application exam date, beaming so wide it must hurt her cheeks.

When was she going to the Academy?

That one stung, and he ignores it with a sweep of the brush.

Months ago, he’d asked Jidanbo what it took to become a Shinigami. The giant was just as surprised as Toshiro had expected him to be.

“Have you changed your mind about not going, Toshiro-kun?” Jidanbo had asked.

“No,” is all he said.

Realising he wasn’t going to elaborated, Jidanbo had shrugged and said, “First, you must have spiritual potential and the ability to show it. You go to the Shinigami Academy, where you learn to become a Shinigami. The exam to get in is tough, sometimes you have to take it multiple times --” he'd rubbed the back of his neck “ -- like I did. My brother was more lucky, he only took the exam once and got in. Once you’ve passed, you’re enrolled in the next semester and that’s about it.”

Toshiro already know even if Momo didn’t get a pass on the exam the first time, she’ll go for it again and again and again, until she was enrolled.

He’d seen her enthusiasm long before this. The day she’d rushed to him, her cheeks flushed and her hair whipped around her from running to find him, and taken him back to his house to show him what she’d just accomplished. She’d cupped her hands together, and several seconds later, a white glow emanated from between the gaps in her fingers. When she’d pulled her hands apart, the orb radiating in her palms broke apart into smaller orbs that floated away. Momo chortled in delight, and Toshiro almost did the same. When she was this joyous it was often contagious, especially when he eyes are so wide with wonder and elation.

What had stopped him was a single thought, one that shot through him and made him realise just how far he’d let her into his life.

One day, she’ll be gone. 

____________________________

The next time Momo sees Toshiro is on her way to the First Division. Shinji runs ahead of her on the walkway, listing off the topics they will need to discuss with Kyoraku. She’d been listening intently, but got distracted as they passed Twelfth Division.

From this high up, she couldn’t recognise most of Shinigami out and about, but the moment she saw one with white hair and a short stature and his cold reiatsu faintly emanated up to her, she knew it was Toshiro. He steps out of Twelfth Division’s main barracks, followed by Rangiku. There’s something morose about the way they hold themselves and in their slow walk to the division’s main gate entrance. They come to a stop just as a building blocks Momo view.

“You all right back there?” Shinji asks.

“Sorry, sir! I just saw Rangiku-san and Captain Hitsugaya.”

“Ah.”

“…Are they coming to this meeting too?”

“Nah, just us, Third, and Eighth.” She can hear his grin when he continues after a beat, “Were you hoping to socialise with them?”

“Of course not!” Momo scoffs.

It’s left at that. Still, she thinks back on how they had looked. She’d be sure to visit them sometime soon, if all goes according to plan with the reconstruction of the Districts.

________________________________

Momo found him sitting on the front porch of his house, peeling chestnuts. He hadn’t noticed her at first, but when her footsteps scrapped against the dirt path, he looks up.

“What’re you staring at?” Toshiro asks.

“Sorry, I just came to visit,” she says as she comes closer. “What are these for?”

He senses there’s more to this than just a visit, but he puts it aside for now. “Baa-chan is making chestnut rice tonight. She was going to ask you to come take some back to your house. She always does it in big batches.”

Momo grins. “That’s kind of her.”

Toshiro only shrugs with a huff. Momo’s grin falls into a small, unsure smile. He’s quick to pick up a nut from the tub in front of him, peel the shell off with a small knife, then put it with the others ready for Granny.

“In that case, do you mind if I help?” Momo says. “I can’t let her do that for me and my friends without helping her.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I want to.”

She makes herself comfortable next to him. She takes a spare knife from the tray he’d brought out, then collects several chestnuts from the tub. He opens his mouth, but shut it after she starts peeling. What had he wanted to say? Did he want to tell her to leave? Did he want to ask about the Academy?

Save for the knifes cracking open and peeling the shells, there’s silence between them. In front of her, the day passes, clouds moving across the sky and the sun shining down on the swaying trees and lively Junrinan a short distance away.

After a moment, Momo pauses as she takes another chestnut. In his periphery, she fiddles with it between her hands, as if trying to wring something out of it. She puts the knife to the chestnut, but is slow to peel the shell away.

She nervous, perhaps gearing herself up to say something. He already knows she’s going to Academy, remembers her loud declaration to Granny several weeks ago that was equal parts ecstatic and anxious. He didn’t want to reflect on his behaviour since she announced it, but he knows he’s become more sullen towards her.

Granny chastised more than once him, saying he should be happier for her and congratulate her; but he can’t ignore the tightness in his chest every time he thinks about her leaving. He hates that she had become a annoying and welcomed constant in his live for the last few decades, and even worse, that he had imagined what the future – whether it was the next week or the next year – would be like, and she was there in his imaginings, along with Granny and Jidanbo. Never used to even think about the future, his life had been repetitive until she came along.

After taking off the chestnut’s shell, Momo stops. “Can I ask you something?”

Toshiro continues peeling. “Hm?”

“Even if you don’t become a Shinigami, can we still be friends?”

Toshiro halts. His brows furrow, but he still doesn’t look at her. “What’s with that question?”

“I mean, while I’m at the Academy we won’t be seeing each other too much. And when I become a Shinigami, it’ll be even less. We’re friends, and, um…I want to stay friends, even when we’ve grown up.”

Her voice wavers towards the end, losing what confidence she’d built up to speak to him.

Toshiro blinks down at the chestnut in his hands. Somewhere around them, the leaves rustle in the wind, and a bird chirps and another caws back in response. The last parts of the shell fall away.

“You might be different by then,” he says solemnly, still unable to look at her.

Momo presses her lips into a tight line. “Well, of course. Everyone changes as they grow up. They become more mature and responsible.”

“Not all adults are.”

“Most though.” She drops her chestnut into the peeled pile. “I don’t know how often I’ll be allowed to visit, but I’ll write to you as often as I can.”

“Don’t bother.”

“Huh?”

“You’ll be doing your Shinigami stuff, you won’t have time.”

“B-But I want to.”

He finally looks at her. At the hurt that flickers through her eyes, he wants to take it back. She obviously hadn’t expected this coldness from him. Yes, his usual bratiness can make him say some hurtful things on occasion, but this is different for her. This was a side of him she rarely saw, and it’s a side she is never on the end of.

But what’s the use? She’ll go to the Academy and forget about him. She’ll make new, better friends. Ones she can go into the future with and who can understand the struggles and triumphs she’ll experience as a Shinigami.

“Do whatever you want then.”

His comment doesn’t ease the turmoil in her, with her gaze falling off to the side and her shoulders slumping. She’s on the verge of a sob, but she bravely keeps it back. “Are you saying you don’t think we should be friends anymore?”

It’s an opening he should take. He has to start letting her go, so it won’t hurt so much when she turns away, and stops being a part of his future.

“I…I’m not saying that.” He’s weak. “I’m just being realistic. You’ll be busy, you won’t have the time to write to us.”

It’s not the answer she expects. Her eyes widen and her lips part, but she doesn’t speak for several heartbeats. She's stuck between being confused and stunned. “I-I’d make time. Of course I’d make time!”

Her earnestness and fierce determination fracture what little resolve he had left. “Well then, let’s see you try.”

_____________________________

Momo glances at Toshiro from across the meeting hall.

He’d just stepped back into line after reporting on his areas for reconstruction. His division is doing well, ahead of schedule in fact.

Normally the thought would make her happy. He’s always been a hard worker; never for the sake of wanting to one-up another or show off, but because he wanted to do good for others. It was one of her favourite things about him.

But something about him is different. The war against the Quincy and taking in the total devastation it had caused had affected all of them, changing each of them in both subtle and obvious ways.

Toshiro holds himself differently. There’s the usual stoicism on his face, and the straight, pulled back shoulders and slightly raised chin that have been a part of his posture since he became a captain.

It’s his hands. They’re curled in loose fists at his side. Something is on his mind, and whatever it is, it’s causing him to be tense. His gaze shows he’s present, now listening to Mayuri give his report into his latest findings, but there’s something going on in the back of his mind he can’t escape from.

She wishes she could cross the room and take one of his hands.

_____________________________

“Don’t bother coming back, bed-wetter!”

Please come back.

And she must see through him, because her high spirits aren’t dampened as she continues to smile and wave at him. He’ll never understand how she can be so cheerful so often.

Eventually, she has to turn away from him and navigate her way through the growing crowds. After she vanishes and as Granny gently chastises him for his rudeness, he can’t dismiss the thought that haunts him. The same thought that had made him try to disconnect from her weeks ago.

What if she doesn’t?

_____________________________

Momo watches Toshiro ponder over the map of the North districts. Each was outlined in the colour of the division that has jurisdiction over them, Fifth Division’s in turquoise and Tenth Division’s in dark green.

“So we’ll tackle this area together,” Shinji says while drawing his finger along the border between the North districts nineteen and twenty. “It makes sense seeing as our jurisdictions are night next to each other. Also, saves us on costs if you go with shared resources, right?”

Both Toshiro and Rangiku nod.

“Have you brought this up with the Captain Commander yet?” Toshiro asks.

“Not yet. We went to a meeting about…” he lifts his gaze to the ceiling of Tenth Division’s office, trying to recall.

“It’s was a month ago, sir,” Momo quietly offers.

Shinji snaps his fingers. “Yes, thank you, Hinamori! Geez, we’ve been to so many meetings lately I’m getting them confused.”

Toshiro scoffs. Momo tries not to smile in response; it’s the first normal, in-character thing she’s seen him do since they arrived.

“Anyway, at that meeting, the Captain Commander suggested a few ways we can save on costs for the reconstruction efforts, one of which was shared resources. Sure you got told the same whenever you went to you met with him yourselves." Shinji jerks his thumb towards Momo. “My lieutenant here suggested we collaborate on the districts that border with other divisions, like yours.”

Momo can’t help but lift her chin a little at the credit her captain gave her. Sometimes he had a way of making one feel accomplished, even over the smallest things.

Rangiku grins. “It’s a great idea, and not surprised that it came from you, Hina-chan.”

Momo laughs nervously. “Rangiku-san…”

“Stop, you’ll make her overheat,” Shinji teases.

“Sir, honestly!” Momo retorts.

He only laughs, but he eyes Toshiro. So he’d noticed it too. Normally situations like this riled her childhood friend up, made him shout something along the lines of ‘We need to focus right now!’ or simply glare at him. Toshiro’s eyes were on the map, jumping to all the districts under his jurisdiction.

It was barely perceptible, but Momo could see with each district he eyes, a little more weight is added to his shoulders.

Shinji quickly returns things to the business at hand. Several minutes later, her captaina nd Toshiro agree to do reconstruction together.

As Shinji and Rangiku start on a plan, Toshiro stands up rorm the couch. “I’ll go get a pot of tea.”

“Do you need assistance with that?” Momo asked, ready to rise up.

He shakes his head. “No, thank you.”

He leaves while Rangiku and Shinji continue to hash out a plan. His walk would not seem out of the ordinary to most, Momo saw the weight in his shoulders from before, and just as she’d noticed when she first arrived, that he forced himself to stared straight ahead, and not once at her.

___________________________

He regrets every bad thing he’s ever said to her. Every angry exclamation. Every promise or important day he’d forgotten. Every time he scared her for a laugh when they were children. Every tease about her.

He barely manages a landing, his whole body numb with horror. Ice keeps breaking around them. He can hear yelling, but it’s muffled around the ringing in his ears. For the first time in his life, he’s too cold.

She finally stirs, and her hazy, fading eyes stare up at him. He shakes and can barely breathe. He might collapse, but she’s keeping him rigid and frozen in place. She says his nickname, a pierces through him, hitting a part of him that he always associated with first meeting her. The memory of it, the feeling of someone finally looking at him like he wasn’t so different, and letting it warm him into a fleeting sense of security.

“…Why?”

Something in him shatters. 

He should’ve been kinder. Why hadn’t he been? Because he’d been a child who didn’t know better when they first met. Because he’d been alone for so long he didn’t know how to interact with others. Because he’d been scared. Because he’d let her in too far. Because he didn’t know a life without her anymore.

____________________________

An evening breeze blows through the streets of the South Second district, swaying the lanterns of restaurants and brushing Momo’s hair over her shoulders. It reminds her she needs to get it cut, but then she had thought of –

“That was a really good meal.”

Momo looks over to Rangiku , who interlaces her fingers and stretches her arms over her head with a grin.

“It was,” Momo says with her own smile. “I’m glad you recommended that place. We should take the other Women’s Association members there sometime.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. I wanted to try it out with you first.” She winks as she lowers her arms. “It’s been a while since we had a girls night out, huh?”

Momo’s smile widens. After recovering from the battle in the Fake Karakura Town and being discharged from Fourth Division, Rangiku had arranged for the two of them to have lunches and dinners together. They’d be casual mostly, chatting about work for only a short while before moving on to longer discussions about their hobbies, who they’d caught up with lately, and there were a few times they’d left wherever they'd eaten from and gone shopping together. Every now and then, particularly in the beginning, their chatter would turn sombre. They’d reflect on what had happened, whether it was Aizen’s betrayal or Gin’s death, and it took some effort to return the conversation back to something lighter.

Momo remembers the look that would come over Rangiku’s face during those moments. As her friend stares ahead into the growing crowds, she can see hints of that old expression. Her eyes are hooded, her eyes take on a glassiness, and she ignores things – like the loud cheering of an izakaya they pass by, or the sprinting children that almost bump into them before dodging off to the side. What was most telling though was Rangiku didn’t comb her fingers through her hair and complain about the wind ruining her hairstyle.

Like Toshiro, something had been bothering her, but unlike him, she seems to be bouncing back from it quicker. Still, she had moments like this where she grew quiet and solemn. It sends a twinge through Momo’s chest. “Can I ask you something, Rangiku-san?”

Her friend blinks and “Hm?”

Momo’s hesitation catches up to her. She’d wanted to ask before she’d come to dinner, but at seeing Rangiku being her usual boisterous and jolly self, the question had faded into the background.

“I was wonder…”

If she asks her now, she can finally know what happened. Of course, it wouldn’t be Rangiku’s place to say what happened to Toshiro…but what if it was the same thing that affected her?

“…I was wonder if you, uh…”

Momo recalls the two of them leaving Twelfth that day over a month ago, and the chances are whatever it was…

“Do you have any style recommendations for my hair? I was thinking of growing it out rather than getting it cut again.”

Without realising, Rangiku had brought them to a stop in the middle of the street. Souls pass around them, some with skeptical or awed looks, others completely ignoring them. The wind dies down, leaving Rangiku hair slightly frizzy. There’s a gentle smile on her lips, and a knowing look briefly comes across her eyes. Had she known what Momo truly wanted to ask?

But she couldn’t bring herself to, not when it occurred to her that asking Rangiku would potentially expose what has been bothering Toshiro too. She didn’t want to put her friend in an uncomfortable position, but with a tightening of her heart, it dawns on her that asking Toshiro would only do the same for Rangiku.

She’d trapped.

“Yeah, I can think of a few,” Rangiku eventually says. "I'll bring some ideas at the next Women's Association."

Momo blinks.

Rangiku had spoken quietly, uncharacteristic given that hair and fashion were topics she often spoke fervently about. Momo manages to take a deep breath in that looks natural enough, and then a small smile. “I thought you would. Thank you.”

____________________________

Come back.

Toshiro pleads it in silence to the night sky on another sleepless night.

He’d known her for so long, had let her become his closest friend. Her being there as they grew older, as they rose up the ranks of the Shinigami and protected the Seireitei, was an inevitability. How naïve he had been. For all of his posturing and talk of responsibilities and knowledge that any of his subordinates could die on missions, she had somehow become the exception.

Somehow, she would live on forever with him.

How can he have clung to such childish ideals?

Come back, he pleads again. I know now. I want things to be different.

_________________________________

Shafts of the sunrise spill into Momo’s room. She sits up before her alarm clock goes off. Rubbing her eyes and lifting the blanket away, she starts her day.

Nerves thrum through her, and no matter what she tells herself or how many times she goes over the plan for today, they don’t settle.

Today is their first day working together with Tenth Division.

After bathing and changing into her uniform, she steps up the mirror to brush her hair. After a few minutes, she takes up her hair clip and clips it in place.

She stares at her reflection, and after a beat, worries her bottom lip. She sighs and lowers her head with tightly shut eyes. How is she going to get through today?

_____________________________

Momo bound up the stairs towards him. Her recently cut hair tousles around her, and she beams widely. She’s obviously dying to tell him something, even shouts his nickname. Perhaps because they’re not in vicinity of his subordinates or the other Captains and Lieutenants, or perhaps because her joy is so often infectious, he chooses not to shout the usual correction at her.

In fact, Toshiro can't help but smile. He’s been doing that more lately.

He decided to be more open, with her first, and eventually with others.

When she stops in front of him and began to gush over a new project she was working on with her division, he has trouble covering up the reaction he has to the relieved, cathartic ache in his heart. Her forgiveness is still raw, even after all these months. Thankfully, she’s so caught up in her excitement she doesn’t see him briefly glance away to regain his composure.

The future was brighter, but the fact there was even a future with her after everything is a blessing all of it’s own.

_____________________________

From a distance, Toshiro orders his and a few of Fifth Division’s officers to do various tasks, and after they disperse, he goes to the next group.

Momo looks back to the map of North District Nineteen and continues outlining the area she and her subordinates will work on. In her periphery, Shinji finishes speaking with Takaya and Katsuro, and makes his way over to Toshiro before he can reach the group.

She tries to ignore the exchange, but her ears unwittingly tune in, catching bits and pieces of their conversation over the shouts of subordinates, sandals crunching in the dirt, and equipment being unloaded from carts. From what she’d (unintentionally) been able to tell, they discuss their findings so far.

She keeps a wince from reaching her face and she recalls their brief meeting this morning. She only gave Toshiro a glance, keeping her eyes either on Rangiku or somewhere behind the two of them. Toshiro retained a stoic exterior, even made a few pointed comments towards Shinji like he did when her captain annoyed him, but that heaviness in his shoulders and eyes is still there. She wishes she could just wave it away, like the wind pushing the clouds across the sky overhead.

It had been over a month since the war ended. He hasn’t said anything to her, and she can’t tell of it’s because of the work they’ve had to do or because he doesn’t want to. Was he concerned for Rangiku? Was it something he didn’t think she’d understand? Would it hurt her?

She shakes her head. She repeatedly tries to tell herself it’s none of her business, but her concern and burgeoning frustration doesn’t waver. Both grow when she can sense, for only several seconds, his gaze on the side of her face.

_____________________________

He doesn’t recall anything of his time as a ‘zombie’ to the Quincy, nor does he want to.

The last thing he remembered was collapsing, his ice shattering around him. Time slowed, as in that moment he thought about how this could be the end. It certainly felt like it was. He was so weak, so very tired and hurting, but he was still awake when the shadow fell over him.

However, the old cliché he���d been told about didn’t happen. He didn’t think on or remember his past. He didn’t despair that he was dying.

He'd thought about Rangiku, dying below, with no one to help her.

He'd thought about his subordinates, who would be without a captain again.

As a darkness began to settle around the edges of his blurred vision, he thought about Momo. He’d sensed her before, she’d been far away from where he was. She reiatsu had been strong, she was all right.

He didn’t need to protect her. Yet he still wanted to see her. For the last few seconds before the darkness took over and muffled footsteps and a sickly sweet voice reach his ears, he thought about the fact he won’t be there in her future.

His next memory is of being put in the recovery tanks along with Rangiku. At the time he’d been exhausted from the procedure Mayuri had made him endure – he vaguely recalls Mayuri half sarcastically marveling, “I’m quite surprised you’re conscious right now.”

He was lifted and secured into the tank by Nemu. Mayuri had watched him, and didn’t approach until Nemu stepped aside. He’d spoken at him, but Toshiro wavered between consciousness and falling into a warmer darkness and only caught sections of his sentences.

“The tank will complete the de-zombification…Consider yourself…Lieutenant is…My procedure took…years off your lifespan, but…we’ll take you to the Palace, no doubt you will…”

And the tank lid had lowered as Toshiro bowed his head. As he drifted into unconsciousness, his mind clung to one part of what Mayuri had said.

My procedure took…years off your lifespan…

He vaguely remembered thinking he must have misheard.

He hadn't focused on it when he awoke again and left the tank, choosing instead to thank Mayuri and rush off into the fray with Rangiku. She surely heard too, but he'd kept quiet about it. He’d been truly grateful and yet, that piece of information, it lingered quietly in the back of his mind.

He’d focused on the fight against the Giant Quincy, and had to resort to using Hyourinmaru’s Completed Form. He thought only of battle strategies and ways to keep his enemy distracted from either destroying the Soul Society below or from causing further harm to those still in the area. 

It's now hours after the Quincy had evaporated away, and he and Byakuya found Momo and Shinji, safe.

She's been clearly startled by his appearance. He didn't know what to expect, had never really thought about her reaction to seeing him like this, but he dislikes her being so confused and unsure. Certain there's no immediate danger in their vicinity and with Byakuya scouting the area, takes her aside to explain the Completed Form.

Shock turns recognition, and then finally to relief. He can't help but feel she same moments later when he's transformed back and she heals his injuries. It's only a few minutes later when Mayuri’s words fully hit him. From then on, he can barely look her in the eye.

_____________________________

The setting sun halos Toshiro's hair, and his shadow casts long over the rubble. He stands alone, arm folded and back facing those a short distance away, clearly lost in thought.

In different circumstances, it would’ve posed as quite the striking image for Momo; one she would be tempted to capture in either her drawings or as a photo on her denreishiki.

His subordinates walk around her, gathering up the materials and equipment they’d used. She didn’t have to interact with him at all today, and even if she did, she’s not sure how she would go about it.

Somewhere behind her, Shinji calls out for officers to help with lifting some of the ruins into carts to be cleared off. She turns to go and assist, but its hard to take her eyes off her friend. The turmoil from earlier arises. She can’t ask him what's wrong, and he won’t even look at her unless she doesn't notice. Still, she can’t leave him as is.

With a deep breath in, and then out, she walks to him.

Her steps crunch from the smaller pieces of rubble and dirt, and alert him to her approach. He half twists around to her, and it causes her to stop more than an arms length away.

“I was wondering…” She hadn’t thought about what to say. But with a light snort, she manages. “Sorry, I was wondering if you had any further plans for Higuchi-san or Takagaki-san. We need some help with clearing the wreckage into the carts.”

Toshiro blinks, as if coming out of deep thought. With a small shake of his head, he turns back to the sunset. “No, I have nothing for them. Their performance was good, if you need to know.”

“Oh, thank you. I’ll be sure to tell my Captain. They’re both hard workers, so that isn’t too surprising to hear.”

“I sent them with Narita to set up the rations for distribution. They should be finished by now.”

Momo swallows against the growing tightness in her throat. She gives a nod, not trusting her words, and only lingers for a few seconds more before turning to go. She wants to kick herself for not coming up with something better, something that would make her stay with him a bit longer and force him to talk with her.

She’s taken ten steps when Toshiro calls to her.

“Wait, Hinamori.”

She looks over her shoulder, squinting against the setting sun. She can’t make out his expression, but his arms now rest at his sides, and his shoulders are higher, straighter. There’s a resoluteness there, but somehow also a reluctance.

He approaches her, but stops after a few steps. He speaks lowly, and it’s hard to make out what he says. She has no choice but to come closer.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, Captain.”

The corners of his mouth fall and tighten into a scowl – not directed at her, she’s certain.

“When we’re done here, I want to discuss something with you,” he repeats. “I assume you don’t have time for today so I –”

“I do!” Momo would normally balk at her boldness – especially for interrupting someone, let alone a Captain. But it was if she’d been holding her breath on the brink of passing out, and now she was desperate to get air. “I-I’ll have time after we’re done here. We can talk.”

Toshiro had been surprised, but shifts his expression back to neutral. “It won’t take long. Let’s load those carts first and get back to Tenth Division.”

He walks past her, and for a moment, it's as if the heaviness within him lingers over her. Whatever this would be, she's both eager and dreading to know.

____________________________

“How long do Souls live for?”

Toshiro rolls his eyes. Ever since she got here, Momo had been full of questions. She’s more curious than the average Soul, wanting to know every little detail about her new world she called home. Just a few minutes ago she’d asked a range of questions about what rules she needs to follow she didn’t end up in trouble – as he answered her, it reminded him of telling Jidanbo the Rules of City for the first time.

Before he answers her current question, he kicks a small hill of snow just in front of them, sending a white spray into the care tree they stood under. “It depends. Some live for a few decades, others live for thousands of years.”

Over the many layers she wore up to her the bottom half of her face, Momo’s eyes widened in wonder. “Really? That’s such a long time.”

“Not to them,” he says. “Time here is different to the World of Living, or so I’ve heard.”

“Thousands of years…you can do so much in that time!”

She starts listing off various activities and adventures one could do for over a thousand years, all the while her eyes shone, and when a scarf loosened from around her face, it revealed her wide grin.

He doesn’t understand her glee. Was this something specific to Souls that came from the World of the Living? Humans lived far shorter lives than Souls; perhaps the idea of being able to live that long appealed to them. He’d been born in the Junrinan, he knew only this world, and from what Granny had told him, ten years here likely felt like a year in the World of the Living.

He let’s her go on and on with her list, but when she comes to an end, breathless, she says, “Do Souls know how long they’ll live for?”

He lets out a bewildered snort. “Of course not!”

“Oh…” That dampens her enthusiasm, as if he’d popped a bubble. Before he can feel any guilt, she turns her attention back to the silhouette of the Seireitei in the distance. “So, I guess this means the Shinigami in there have been alive for a long time then.”

He shrugs. “Sure, I guess.”

It’s several heart beats later when her grin returns, but there’s a softness to it. “I hope we get to live for over a thousand years.”

He’s taken aback. We? Why 'we'? Why not ‘I’?

He wants to ask, but fears he’ll embarrass himself. So instead, he ponders on it in silence as she continues to admire the Seireitei’s silhouette. Did she mean it as a friend? That she saw them being in the future together?

Granny had been the only person who saw a future with him, planning their days with what items he’d have to go out and buy and what shrines or places they needed to visit together in the coming month.

Something about another seeing him in their future made bite the inside of his lip against the painful pang in his chest. Somehow, though, it also made him happy.

“What if we did?”

He hadn’t realised he’d asked the question aloud until Momo swivels her head back to him. “Hm?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“You mean if we live for over a thousand years?” He cringes inwardly as she considers. Her grin widens after a beat. “We’d have a lot to do, I’m sure of it!”

____________________________

Momo stares mutely at Toshiro, and then at some point, through him, and then into nothing. He shifts his gaze to the side, staring hard at the corner of the training room.

Just behind them, Fifth and Tenth Division officers shared a meal together in one of Tenth Division’s courtyards around a fire, chattering and laughing amongst themselves. Even in her shock, Momo ended up hearing her captain laugh loudly at one of his own jokes, but she can’t bring herself to smile or cringe.

She and Toshiro sit by the training room's entrance, mostly in the shadows. A strip of moonlight comes between them through the doorway, falling over his left foot and her folded knees. He sits half against the wall, his left knee bent and his arms resting in his lap. It would appear to some as the most relaxed he’s ever looked, but this is one of the few times she’s seen him look resigned.

He’d just recounted to her how a Quincy had taken control over him with her blood, and then how Mayuri had restored him. It had all made sense up until that point, but not what he’d just said. No, it was more like she didn’t want the sentence to be true, refused to let it be a part of what he'd already said.

She brings her gaze back to him as a small tremor runs through her hands. “I don’t understand,” she struggles to say. “What do you mean? How can you live for only three hundred more years?”

She thinks he won’t answer her, too overcome by whatever emotions rush through him. However, he takes a sharp breath in, but continues to stare off to the side. “Kurotsuchi says that’s at most, but it’s at least one hundred and fifty years. The procedure he used on me was crude by his standards, something he cobbled together while we were battling the Quincy. As a result of that and what the Quincy did to me, my lifespan has been reduced.”

“You’ve acting differently lately --” her voice catches, and her vision becomes misty “-- now I understand why.”

A quiet, strangled sound comes from Toshiro. “Matsumoto thought it was best to tell you.”

And it’s all the confirmation she needs that Rangiku is facing the same tragedy. She must have seen Momo’s dilemma that night they ate out, and decided to make things easier by encouraging Toshiro to tell her. She could cry for that alone, but she won’t; she’ll speak with her later.

She bows over, fisted hands bunching her uniform at the knees. “I-I don’t know what to say,” she laments. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

That strikes something within him. He shifts, his back fully pressing against the wall and moving his foot out of the moonlight. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and she can make out the furrow in his brow twitching and the corner of his mouth dropping into a grimace.

His gaze goes to the ceiling. “I didn’t want to say anything,” he admits. “There’s nothing I can do.”

The catch in his voice is enough to make her move over to him, coming to sit next to him, their shoulders grazing and her knee bumping up against his. She rarely sits so close to him, feeling they should maintain a small distance between them, but this felt right. And judging from his lack of comment or shrugging away, he thinks the same.

“I’m sorry for what I said at the Palace.”

He blinks and finally looks at her. “What?”

She can’t help but be a little relieved he’d forgotten her comment, but winced at having to bring it up now. “I said Hyourinmaru’s Completed Form was a glimpse into the future. How careless of me.”

He shakes his head, but still doesn’t seem to remember. “It’s fine, you weren’t to know.”

“Even so, I should have been more considerate. That form is part of your zanpakuto, not something to be joked about.”

“You were shocked by it, and we’d come out of a battle and Yhwach was defeated, it’s understandable.”

She considers, and then admits, “And we were really tired, I guess.”

That gets a huff of a humoured snort out of him, but it doesn’t reach his eyes or shape his into a faint smile.

The urge to hold his hand comes over her again. Unlike that meeting from a few weeks ago, she doesn’t resist it this time. She takes the one closest to her. It’s the one that been regrown with hojiku-zai, the original lost on the battlefield at the Fake Karkura Town. She doesn’t hold his conventionally, choosing instead to lay her hand on the underside, and her fingers loosely come between his.

She watches him tilts his head down, staring at their hands. Something soft flits over his face, something akin to being pleasantly surprised.

For not the first time, she thinks on how she never imagined all those decades ago he would lose and replace a hand. Just as she’d never imagined what they went through because of Aizen, or the battles they fought against Hollows and Quincy, or the people they’ve lost under their watch. They’d been through so much, perhaps too much for Souls their ages.

Despite the time and effort it will take to rebuild the Soul Society, she had been thinking that peace was finally going to be restored. She was going to be happy again, with her friends and subordinates. She was going to ask Toshiro out to lunches more often, and finally sit with whatever her feelings for him were. The ones she’s can’t put a name too, but feels she’s just on cusp of doing.

Had he thought about these sort of things too? About what he had been through and the future he may not have anymore? If that was the case, it’s no wonder he didn’t want to bring it up. It’s enough for one of her tears to roll out the side of her eye.

She’s quick to wipe it with her free hand, but it doesn’t go unnoticed by Toshiro.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps.

She shakes her head. “Why are you apologising? You didn’t ask for any of this.”

“No, it’s not that. I didn't want to...”

He hesitates, and when he doesn’t continue, Momo finishes it for him. "Hurt me?"

He blinks, surprised she had guessed the rest. It still astounds her that he can't see the good within himself, but always in others.

"You don't need to apologise. When I saw something was bothering you, I wanted to know."

She senses there's more, a second apology he wants to make. When he doesn't, she stares straight ahead.

“We Shinigami are taught and prepared to die in battle for Humans and our friends,” she continues. “If we’re lucky, we can reach an old age with our accomplishments. Thinking about how long we'll live for is not something we're supposed to contemplate, our focus is on our duties and responsibilities. Even so, we’re not meant to die like this. You’re not meant to --”

He snorts again, and the faintest, saddest smile shapes his lips. “You’re not Reio, Hinamori,” he says, and she can imagine in another setting it would be a tease. “And even if you were, you doubt you would have the power to change this. I have accepted it's a likely possibility, and I will plan ahead accordingly. I never thought about how long I would live for --" his shoulders deflate with a shaky breath "-- and I shouldn't."

"Nothing is set in stone," she says, fiercely.

She’s always considered herself an optimist, perhaps to a fault. She remembers being more hopeful for the future when she was younger. Maybe that’s what came with growing up, you lose a little bit of hope every year, and cling to what still remains – foolishly, she suspects some think, but not her.

With a thick swallow, she lists her head up to the ceiling. “You said before that Captain Kurotsuchi was working on a way to restore your lifespan, right?”

“Yes.”

She mirrors the faint smile he'd had moments ago, but in her misty eyes there’s something less fragile. She tightens her grip on his hand. “Then let’s hope he does.”

It doesn’t dissolve his grief and cynicism -- she knows he hates leaving something he feels responsible for in the hands of others, and she can’t imagine what it must feel like to put your life in the hands of Twelfth Division’s captain. She has not words she can offer to console him or give him a new perspective of this. She has her own emotions to deal with too, ones of helplessness and a flickering hope, small but bright.

Her heart throbs when he flips his hand around and interlaces his fingers between hers in a tight grip. It's all they can do for now as a cloud passes over the moon and the laughter continues outside.

[gooeyyeehaw]

ofmd s2 spoilers !!

so two things i wanted to talk about that basically everyone is talking about, now that ive properly processed everything and need to officially get out of my system

i really really really wish the season had better, slower pacing. so much would happen before anyone could process anything and it took a loooot of thinking to truly understand some shit. i really really hope there's a season 3 with the proper amount of episodes as intended.

izzy's death - it truly felt so rushed. to be honest, i didn't even see him get shot at first, my eyes were on something else at the time, i think, but that's my fault. nevertheless, it felt so rushed, and i'm not mad, nor do i disagree with his death, but i wish it was executed better than it was. it felt brushed over, rushed, and he was too great a character to receive a death like that. it had me saying "what the fuck??" because his death was over in about two minutes. i'm not mad about how and when it took place, because it's just like real life, you don't get to choose when you get to live or die, especially in their business.

i did warm up to him and felt sad that he could finally recognize and declare his understanding of family and what it meant to be a part of the crew and never got to experience the warmth and joy of life; however, i think its okay that he died. con is a fantastic actor and his performance was astounding every scene. i think he deserved a better sending off and lucius and pete's wedding could have waited til season three, cuz that felt brushed over too.

stede and ed's inn - i used to not love this idea, more for a personal reason, the desire to have adventure in life. to not settle down and have fun all the time, to not conform to the normality and monotony of life. i get the emphasis about the brutality and harsh reality of the violence and mentality that comes with piracy, but it felt bittersweet especially with izzy's speech about what it meant to be a pirate and zys' offer to team up. it sounded fun. fun to be at sea with your found family, (on top of stede's long term love for the sea) and they were leaving that behind and it would just be then.

i later realized that them living together wouldnt necessarily mean theyre completely abandoning their old lifestyles. theyre just taking a break from the rough and tough shit they had just gone through, and they need it to work out their relationship and find themselves. to have some time alone. they might rejoin the crew and have fun sailing and shit, who knows. but it doesn't have to be that end forever. plus i like all the fun/funny ideas the fandom has come up with for the inn.

and ive seen the theories that if buttons can turn into a seagull, he'll turn izzy into a seagull OR izzy will come back as a ghost and haunt their inn OR they'll bring him back to life with magic.

just saying, the fandom was wrong about lucius living within the secret passages of the ship, please let them be wrong about that one.

[your-local-neighborhood-nerd]

BBC GHOSTS S5 CHRISTMAS SPOILERS AHEAD

So uhm

MAT BAYNTON AND JIM HOWICK DID BEN MFING WILLBOND POSSESS YOU TWO?! I BET HE GHOSTWROTE THIS EPISODE (pun not intended but very welcome)

- I knew from the start that this would have a bittersweet ending, and I knew it was something with Alison and Mike somehow leaving the house or the ghosts getting sucked off, but it still hits, y'know? (Although I'm glad no one got sucked off/moved on because I feel like that would have hurt more than anything)

- I've been seeing a few posts that this wasn't the best episode, and I totally agree. There was something kind of. .lacking? I don't know if that was intentional because of that mellow buildup to the end of the episode but yeah

- But I do love the scene where the ghosts realized they were just as bad as Betty, because that was when I realized where this episode was heading- SO I STARTED CRYING

- Wonderful PatCap in this episode though, I must say

- In my opinion, I really didn't like Kitty's jealousy storyline. I feel like over time in Button House while the Coopers lived there, she would have matured to at least be aware of *gestures to the baby*

- We got a double entendre Fanny joke from Cap, always love those

- THEN FANNY SAYING SHE SEES ALISON AS A DAUGHTER HELLO??? CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

- Speaking of character development, all of the ghosts have grown so much. First, they wanted Alison out, not wanting to do anything with her or Mike. They all wanted to be alone (aka just be with each other). Then it transforms into something beautiful, they all become a family for the course of however many years. They've all had their moments, and it all comes full circle, the ghosts telling Alison that it's for the best that the Coopers leave, not out of malice, but out of love.

- Seeing elderly Mike and Alison was just a personal attack ISTGGGGG

- And then the very last scene is with Robin's monologue. The ghost that's been there the longest, the ghost that didn't feel the Christmas spirit at the start of the episode, ends it all off.

But of course, I count on the Six Idiots, my favorite group of writers/actors, to make me cry

Goodbye BBC Ghosts <3

[ivys-valentine]

…

Hi! So I thought I would try to write some Astarion fanfic since BG3 and the pale elf himself have been latched onto my mind. However, I have never written fanfic or really anything before. Apart from some cringey entries in my diary when I was younger.

Anyway, I kind of just jumped into this out of nowhere. I intended for it to be about one thing but then I got so focused on what I had so I hope it isn't too messy to read. Potentially would like to write more in the future but just thought I would at least try this out yk. I reallyyyy hope that I didn't trail away from Astarions personality too much and that I did him/the game justice.

If you have any suggestions etc. I would be happy to hear them. Right! Enjoy!

******

Bittersweet Escape

Established relationship|Non ascended Astarion|Possible spoilers|After Cazador|Lotsa sad feelings|Astarion x f!Tav | 600+ words

Even as a Baldurian, Lower City can be intimidating and exhausting. Chaos runs rampant across the city. Tensions soar so high, in anticipation of the Absolute, that one feels as though they can almost see it in the air.

After defeating the bastard Cazador Szarr, Tav contemplates the turmoil Astarion must be experiencing. The loss of a life once known; Of a life once controlled and the loss of a life that could have been.

Tav knows that persuading Astarion to not ascend was the right decision. That if he had, Astarion would never be himself or have the opportunity to be better. The seven thousand souls sacrificed could never make up for the destruction of his own. But even so, her mind was plagued with guilt.

Constant “what ifs” battled around her illithid-infested brain. Her beloved would perhaps be soon unable to feel the loving warmth of the sun against his pale elfish skin. He may be cast into the shadows once more. Her heart hammers in pain for the life they must mourn. Amongst these feelings, Tav internally declares she be damned to the Nine Hells if she doesn't try her hardest to do everything and anything she can to help him.

A click of a tongue, “You're so adorable when you're thinking what to say.”

Tav, startled and momentarily confused, glances up to notice a soft smirk on an observant Astarion. A brief moment passes as Astarion awaits Tav to fully re-enter reality. “Would you like sharing what's invading that wonderful mind?-” A now cheekier smirk, “other than the illithid of course.”

Tav shakes her head whilst the faintest smile creeps atop her lips. Their eyes meet and a look of adoration is shared between them both. With this, Tav manages to temporarily shove these thoughts to the back of her mind while focusing on the most important thing she knows to be true at this very moment. - Astarion is here. He is free from any additional cruelty of Cazador. And he is safe. Or at least as safe as they can be in their rented room at the Elfsong Tavern.

The faint smile slowly fades. “It was terrifying seeing you in that ritual Astarion. I was so afraid I was going to lose you and I was also slightly angry at myself for entertaining this idea of confrontation.” Tav pauses, deeply breathing in and attempting to relax her muscles, “I know it had to be done but Gods Astarion, what if I had lost you forever? What if-”

Astarion furrows his brows thoughtfully before interrupting her, “Darling, I appreciate your concern - truly. However, I am eternally thankful for your help and belief in me. Regardless of the outcome, this was something I needed to do. For the first time in 200 years, I had the opportunity to face the man who stripped away my life. The man who took away my autonomy. A man who doomed thousands of others and used me to help. Had that encounter ended up much differently than it did - I believe that I would still be grateful for that final opportunity to face him with the freedom I finally had. An opportunity I would not have had, if not for your help and trust. So please, my sweet, allow those worries to rest, even just momentarily, but long enough that we can appreciate our victory and decimate some gods awful wine.”

She dryly swallows and nods before coming to stand before him. Their eyes meet again, interlocked with understanding. Hesitantly, Tav reaches for his hand, planting a timid but ever-loving kiss upon it. Quickly, she glances up at him to gauge his reaction; when she sees his body relax, she reaches up to cup his face with both hands. Once again, eyes intimately interlocking before she sweetly smiles and rests her forehead against his.

[scalamore]

(Spoilers/Speculation) Tori

This is purely speculation on my part, but there's a chance that Tori's "ending" will be different in the manhwa than the novel. I say this, because Tori has gotten more focus in the manhwa thus far compared to the novel, and she's written in a way where the audience is intended to feel sympathetic to her situation. Here, it's more obvious there's a discrepancy to her: she cares about Lari/Rupert, but at the same time she doesn't. All the extra focus on the ribbon Lari gave her in S2 serves to show how "the sweet Tori" is still there. During the main story, she dies and is "finally at peace" during the rebellion. The whole point of that is that her suffering has ended, she no longer has to be compelled to obey orders from Eva forever anymore, and she's finally "free" (a big theme of the series is one's freedom and ability to make one's own decisions and choices). She doesn't appear in the first set of side stories (the epilogue), but has a small mention in the end, and a year and a half later, when the second set of side stories were released, she makes an appearance again as a "pure, untainted.... person (?)".

As a big fan of the series, I felt thematically the second set of side stories and Tori's inclusion and reasurrection kinda cheapens the theme of the main story - The end of the main story is supposed to be bittersweet, how you can't save everyone, and there is always a loss amongst the success. Eva had a tight hold of Rupert and Tori - and at least Rupert was able to escape her clutches. Tori had already died before the start of the series, was "living" as an alchemic doll for years, and lived long enough to have her thoughts and personality distorted by Eva's command for destruction. Since she had already died, there's no way she can return to being a human, which is what she truly wanted - she wanted to grow up and become and adult. But her other wish, is to be free and see RupeLali happy. During Lari's talk no jutsu, in that moment, Tori made her decision to stop listening to Eva, for RupeLali's sake. She then completely broke down shortly after - it was inevitable she would. Meanwhile, in the second side story which takes place an unknown amount of time later, her blue eagle core crystal had been absorbing the Holy City's holy energy in that lake for years, and she somehow manifests a physical body again?? (Her alchemic body dissolved into dust, leaving the crystal behind) and she lived for a period of time as a mysterious girl in the middle of the lake?? She had all her memories but didn't remember them until she conveniently meet Ellie and Rupert? It took Lari some more talk-no-jutsu and she immediately stopped trying to murder Rupert, and now they're all a happy family eating dinner together with Louis at the dinner table?? Tori now travels the world and acts like an auntie who sends souvenirs back to Ellie, yet still physically looks like a 9 year old? She's not a human, nor an alchemic doll... what is she then??? It's great at the very end Tori is now alive, has a family, a place to belong, is now happy and free to do whatever she wants, but I didn't like how RupeLali forgave her so easily (as well as her trying to murder Ellie and Rupert again), and forgetting how much trouble she caused in the main story... and she somehow was resurrected through some unexplainable reason to get a super happy ending, tied up with a nice bow.

I didn't like how kind Lari was, crying for Tori in the side stories as well and missing her so much: Did she forget how many times Tori tried to frame or kill her?? or threaten her?? Did Rupert forget that Tori had intentionally withheld info about Lari's plans to disappear while he was freaking out where she was that night? Or that she was the one who was going around spreading rumors Lari was a slut or framed her for poisoning him? I'm keeping appropriate expectations for the inevitable moment they give Tori a happy ending in S4 >_> *grumbles*

[willmarstudios]

Bookworm Will Review 2023 (#9)

Title: 'A Scatter of Light'

Author: Malinda Lo

Rating: 5 / 5

Review: (MILD SPOILERS)

I absolutely loved 'Late Night At the Telegraph Club' so I was thrilled to finally get my hands on Lo's companion novel!

The story itself was rather bittersweet and truly another story about self-discovery and some harsh realities about expectations. I didn't see a whole lot of connections/throwbacks to Late Night, but it was still a really great stand-alone novel, so you really didn't need to read them in any particular order. Aria is a distant niece of Lily (the protagonist from Late Night) who was a victim of slut shaming by her peers and her family, more so her mother, but after the event took place has to spend her summer with her grandmother. Its not labeled a punishment, but its more so intended to be a 'think about what you've done and learn from your mistakes' situation.

To be fair, I was so pissed that the dude who got her into this situation got away free without any punishment. Its such a hard thing to read about, but its relevancy is something that is still timely to today and needs to be handled better. He's a fucking douchebag and needs to take accountability, but I'm digressing.

Joan is Aria's grandmother who lives alone, but does a lot of art and begins to influence Aria by getting her back into art and using it as a way to help her understand her feelings/emotions. I am a huge fan of this concept of art therapy so I was thrilled to read all the illustrative descriptions and conversations between Joan and Aria about art.

While there, Aria meets Steph, Joan's gardener, who basically helps Aria challenge a lot of self-feelings regarding her life up to this summer. Steph introduces Aria to the queer community of California and thus begins the relatable internal conflict of self-discovery which is always interesting to read because everyone experiences it differently. There were so many external factors influencing Aria and it really kept me engaged as a reader, despite some initial choices made by the characters.

That being said, up and after Joan's death, we as readers, really got to indirectly experience a lot of grief, regret and some bitters from reality showing us that not everything can be/have a happy ending, but can influence our growth as individuals.

Overall a really emotional and reflective read!

[danwhobrowses]

3 Ways I Think One Piece Could End

Well, since Shonen Jump has forced a break out of One Piece, I thought I'd throw another rare theory video into the mix.

Aside from the Pan D. Aman joke post I made a while back, I haven't wanted to think about how One Piece would end, but with Wano looking to wrap up next chapter and the final saga beginning, the final chapters will soon be upon us before we know it.

So, in the times I have thought about One Piece ending, I'm throwing 3 ways I feel One Piece could end, and be satisfying doing so

Potential Spoilers up ahead, probably best to be up to date with at least the anime (ep.1028), probably as early as Ep.1000 tops

To start I'm going to point out that I firmly DON'T believe that the story will end with Luffy finding the One Piece, I think there will be a little bit after that. This is mainly because Whitebeard and Rayleigh have noted that finding the One Piece will turn the world upside down, so there will likely be a considerable fallout from finding the One Piece too.

With the likes of the Yonko and at the least Kid also gunning for the One Piece, there will likely be a convergence when the Straw Hats arrive to Laugh Tale anyway, which will potentially lead to the grandest and greatest battle of the series.

With that in mind, I will rank the 3 in which is most satisfying to me as a finale, so let's start with No.3

3 - Luffy Bets his Straw Hat on the Next Generation

I'm sure we all expect that Luffy is 98% likely to not be able to return his hat to Shanks as he intends or that he will still manage to keep it under some circumstance, and will then pass it onto another like him to pass on his will. I see this probable within a timeskip of probably aged 40 Luffy in the good timeline hanging with his crew all still happy and well, so the recipient is unlikely to be Momo or Tama or Makino's son.

It works story-wise as a cyclic ending, much less bittersweet than the possibility of Luffy repeating Roger's antics that triggered the era in death, but I rank this the least because it'd feel too obvious, too tidy and would imply that all the things we don't see the Straw Hats achieve were simply achieved off-screen. I'd also worry for the fan peer pressure Oda may be subjected to if he left the possibility of a legacy sequel.

2 - The Straw Hat Pirates Disband

A sad ending it may be, but I could clearly see Luffy imitating Roger's pose in this part of the manga having completing everything he set out to do. There would be a finality in the adventure ending, not just for Luffy, but for Oda and the audience.

This would very much be a 'smile because it happened, not because it's over' kind of endings, but I rank it higher than Luffy giving his hat away because of it being a proper ending, preventing the sequel threat the previous had while also maintaining the cyclic nature of imitating Roger rather than Shanks.

1 - The Adventure Doesn't End

A cheat you say? Wishful thinking you accuse? Well I told you this was ranked on most satisfying to me, didn't I?

Finding Laugh Tale and the One Piece is a given, but do we expect Luffy to achieve his dream of Pirate King, become the freest person in the world, and do nothing with it? There's also the matter that other crewmates' dreams don't simply end by finding Laugh Tale; Nami's map of the world would be incomplete, Chopper would have diseases still to cure, there will still be more history for Robin to discover, more sea to sail for Franky on his ship, more joy to spread from music for Brook and food for Sanji, and more stories for Usopp to regale.

This is why I like this option the best, because the end of one story, one dream, one voyage, isn't the end of everything, the crew are now free to seek more; more dreams, more islands, more lies to come true

The story of 'One Piece' may be over, but an open-ended finale of the Straw Hats setting sea again, plotting a new route around the world this time, would probably be my ideal ending for them, and something more on brand for Luffy to do. While the sequel pressure is still there, in a way the open end allows the fans the freedom to make the crew's next journey(s) their own way

And on to a New Adventure.

[systemdump]

Red Dead Redemption 2 Review

I finished RDR2 a few weeks back now, so the review is long overdue. Buckle up.

Unlike most games I review, I knew exactly what I was getting into when I booted up RDR2. I knew a fair amount of the story prior to playing; being one of the biggest games out there, I knew the fate of Arthur Morgan. Spoilers were inevitable. However, I did not know about his journey to that point, so I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered its narrative. I tried to start this game back in July 2021, but I stopped before the first chapter ended as I didn't feel compelled by the story. With this in mind, I decided to give it another shot. If it turned out I still didn't like it, then no biggie. It's just not for me.

Story

RDR2 is a tragic story. A tale of a man who is self-loathing and morally ambiguous (depending on how you play him) who inevitably wants what's best for everyone. He is someone who cares a whole lot, and none of it is reserved for himself. His guilt for his unlawfulness rears its ugly head when he becomes ill. Making amends isn't so easy, especially when he is who he is. Not only does he have TB, but the gang is falling apart. I loved the togetherness the gang provided, especially socialising at camp. Engaging with members made the story more immersive.

Regarding the ending. I would be lying if I said I didn't cry. There's something bittersweet about his death. He knew it was coming and he never once looked behind him. He wanted desperately to see the good in Dutch, the man who raised him since he was a boy. However, Micah was a parasite that latched onto the gang, polluting Dutch. Once a man who had some form of morality to his killings was now running wild. The true TRUE ending, however, was lovely. I'm happy John managed to make it out, even if we know he doesn't stick around for much longer with the events of rdr1.

Combat

Combat was okay. I think something is satisfying about pulling the bolt and getting a clean headshot. Meanwhile, it was unforgiving in places. The trigger between interaction and open fire was a thin line. I shot people many, many times when I intended to speak with them. The gunplay is great. I love the customisation it allows you to really make the gun your own. Melee combat was something I rarely used outside of missions. Usually, it was the result of running into someone, or a bar fight that started randomly. RDR2's combat isn't the shining beacon of the game and I think it acknowledges that.

The World

This is where the bells and whistles are at. As some of you may know, I am a big fan of huge open word games. I love immersive RPGs that let you take this world and make it your own. Even if you aren't someone influential, like Jin Sakai in GOT, your actions still have an impact. And even when they do, the world still moves on without the player present. You are not the sole progressor of the world. Continuity was well established, with rewards for helping people on the road. The random encounters in this game were super fun. I also loved the amount of detail that was put into the world. The interior of the shops in particular really stood out to me. Actually picking stuff off the shelves? Unheard of. Not for Rockstar, though. Not only is the world immersive, it's also stunning. From the swamps of Saint Denis to the snow-capped peaks, it truly is breathtaking. You can tell that a lot of care was put into the creation of this map.

Final Thoughts

I love this game. Truly. It's now near the top of my list. It's an experience that I enjoyed thoroughly, and will likely return to in the distant future. There's no surprise as to why RDR2 is considered one of Rockstar's greatest accomplishments. Maybe one day GTA6 will top this masterpiece.

[kyanitedragon]

Gonna try to answer these with no spoilers!

❤️: Power is Best Girl! She's very funny and entertaining, and I enjoy just how different she is from your typical supporting female character.

💔: Himeno really squicks me out with her whole coming-onto-teenagers thing. I really wish it was at least handled more seriously in the manga, if not taken out entirely. It ruins her whole character for me, which is a shame because otherwise she's really neat!

💕: Platonic Denji and Power! They're so cute, and I'm so happy that they stayed platonic the entire manga!

📖: The Bomb Girl arc is my favorite arc! I really enjoyed Reze as a character and her relationship with Denji, and Beam and Aki & Angel also had some great moments!

🚫: Not really, since I tend to stay away from the toxic sides of all fandoms.

📺: I really wish we got an actual trailer instead of a pre-animated trailer, as well as a release date, but I'm still really excited! I don't think we have anything to worry about, and I'm sure it'll be a good adaptation!

👺: Bomb Girl was able to do a lot with her powers! From detatching and exploding any part of her body, to forming her limbs into various explosives.

👤: I'd probably be a human with a Devil friend, like Denji and Pochita at the very beginning

🫀: My top favorite scene would probably have to be the dumpster scene with Power and Denji because of how cute yet bittersweet it was.

As for quotes, it's this scene in the Eternity Devil arc:

✏️: It's in my top 3, next to Tokyo Ghoul and Noragami!

🧠: I actually technically read it when it first came out. Chapter 1 came out right after Tokyo Ghoul had ending, and the whole TG fandom was looking for a new manga and tried out Chainsaw Man. I kept up for several weeks and enjoyed the start, but I slowly lost interest during the slow pace of the Bat Devil Arc. Then I didn't read it for a few years until I decided to catch up. With much more story to get to, I ended up liking and appreciating the story a lot more than when I first tried it.

📚: Since CSM, I've read a chapter or two of Fire Punch and intend to finish it one day, and I've read most of his one-shots, like "Yogen no Nayuta" and "Niwa ni wa niwa niwatori ga ita", which is named after a japanese tongue twister.

🌼: To have the level of determination that Denji does, as well as his unique but effective approach to problems

💭: I hope to see Quanxi make some appearances, Reze to show up and go to school with Denji, and lots of cute found family content with single dad Denji, Nayuta, and their cat and dogs.

🖤: I think that other anime female characters are prettier than Makima is. Even in Chainsaw Man, I think Quanxi and Reze are prettier than she is, so I don't quite get the extreme level of simping for her

🤍: ALL OF THEM. Denji and Aki especially, but even Makima herself deserved better than what she became

🤡: The Himeno scenes with Denji and underage Aki were pretty uncomfortable and the comedic framing made it worse

💲: I'm more than content with the two we got. Aki would be fun to complete the family, and Makima's design would be really neat to have a figure of. And matching Reze and Quanxi figures with their respective hybrid forms to match the Denji nendroid would be awesome too!

📈: I'm pretty excited! I generally prefer watching to reading so I'm glad that people who may not like to or be able to easily read manga will get to experience the story, especially since the adaptation seems like it'll be faithful and well-animated. I'm totally going to force my anime-only friends to watch it when it airs! On the flip side, I'm certain the fanbase is going to be terrible, but like always I'll be sticking to the non-toxic sides

🌹: It's not really important to me in a personal way, but I appreciate and really enjoy all the symbolism and depth to the story, and I can't wait to see how much further it goes in Part 2. My favorite symbolism in the story is probably the Country Mouse vs City Mouse symbolism, because it was compared to so many characters as well as mice themselves.

👀: The running joke with Kobeni's car is hilarious, and I'll never get over just how fitting it is for Kobeni's character

chainsaw man ask game!

❤️: who is your favorite character? why?

💔: is there any character you dislike? why?

💕: do you have any ships? if so, what made you start shipping them together?

📖: do you have a favorite chapter or arc?

🚫: is there anything you dislike about the fandom?

📺: how do you feel about the upcoming anime?

👺: which devil do you think has the best power(s)?

👤: in the csm universe, do you think you would be a human devil hunter, fiend, devil, or hybrid?

🫀: which is your most memorable scene or quote?

✏️: do you rank chainsaw man among one of your favorite mangas? why or why not?

🧠: do you remember why or when you started chainsaw man?

📚: have you read any of fujimoto's other works?

🌼: is there any character you admire or aspire to be?

💭: what do you think about chainsaw man pt. 2? do you have any expectations, hopes, fears, etc?

🖤: do you find any character overrated?

🤍: do you think any character deserved better?

🤡: is there any chapter/arc/character/etc you wish was handled differently? alternatively, do you have any complicated feelings about something in the manga?

💲: is there any character you really wish was a nendoroid? or if your character is already a nendoroid, do you plan on getting them?

📈: how do you feel about the manga's increased popularity? are you dreading or excited for the influx of new fans thanks to the upcoming anime?

🌹: is chainsaw man's symbolism important to you? if so, are there any specific symbolic elements that you think about a lot?

👀: share your favorite csm meme!

💌: (free space to talk about anything in the manga!)

[topherfoxtrot]

Nosy neighborhood

(or a reflection on the bittersweet nature of nostalgia)

What about a one shot about a tv show I never watched? It sounds fun doesn't it? Well it contains spoilers for the third Webisode of the walking dead called "The Oath" released in 2013. It can be easily found on Vimeo. Trigger warnings include grief and pessimism. Also I wrote this one on first person because I just think first person writing is neat😄

Everyone was gathered in the building that used to be a church. Except from the obvious architecture though you couldn't even tell. Even the beautiful stained glass was mostly gone. And there was no giant wooden cross in sight. Only tables full of food, drinks, and of course the band composed of four singing voices, an acoustic guitar, two saxophones, half a set of drums, a fucking button accordion, a xylophone and a def. Basically every instrument the scavengers could find over the years. Since the world has ended our neighborhood united to form a urban fortress.

I was in a corner with some friends not really interested in the conversation. My eyes scanned the whole place looking for the handsome, tall man with his long blonde straight hair. When I finally spotted Paul grabbing some food I whispered without actually intending to.

"There you are!"

"What?" One of my friends followed my eyes, "Oh my god are you really going after the man?"

"Dude is just introvert!" Another friend rolled his eyes, "That's why he is always in his basement."

"That is simply not true!" I said, "Y'all know how much I hate people, alive or otherwise, and yet I'm always here for our sunday gatherings."

"You know what?" my friend finished her beer before continuing, "Fucking go after him. If it turns out he's just lonely you will get my cleaning shifts for the whole month. And if you find a big secret of his or whatever I'll get yours. How about that?"

"It sounds like a deal!" Me and my friend shook hands with smiles on our faces.

"I can't believe you're going to bother the poor man just because he likes to eat by himself." My other friend shook his head in disapproval before smiling too, "But anyways if you find anything please spill the beans to us!"

"Gotcha!" I winked at them before making my move.

Paul put a lot of food inside an old Tupperware and walked towards the door like he usually did. I moved between the people trying to avoid being seen by him. Paul briefly talked to one or two people before leaving. I left the church a little after, making sure to give him time to step further from the door.

Most of the people were at the church so the streets were empty. I sneaked around corners and alleys and cars like I did so many times outside the walls. I still remember before the outbreak when not everyone needed to be a soldier in order to survive. It's been almost seven years but I still caught myself getting nostalgic sometimes.

I followed Paul for a few blocks. Housing was an issue in our community. Over the years more people started to come and babies started to be born once we reached a certain stability. Paul was one of those people who duo to his efforts towards the community gained the privilege to live on his own instead of in one of the communal houses like I did. He was one of the scavenging teachers after all. And my favorite one, I might add.

Besides being handsome he was also super quiet about anything that didn't concerned the classes. And to become a survivor as good as him you gotta have a past. We asked about it before but he always avoided the topic. This made me even more curious. I've always felt like he was hiding something and tonight I would finally figure out what!

It took a couple minutes for him to reach the big house with two floors and a front yard. Instead of entering the front door though he bypassed the house to enter through the basement door in the back. Paul lives in a basement just like a character from a book I read before the outbreak. Something about a woman watching her neighbours or something. I don't remember the details but I do remember one of the characters lived in a basement like Paul does.

I leaned on the wall and listened carefully as Paul opened the metal doors. After listening to his steps gradually fading as he went downstairs I sneaked into the entrance feeling glad he didn't lock it. I waited there for a while until I was confident Paul was distracted enough not to realize the sounds the doors would make. I opened just one door super slowly and checked every few seconds to see if there was any abrupt movements inside. When I closed the door behind me everything was in darkness expect for the light coming from one of the rooms. My hand instinctively reached for my gun but it wasn't there. I didn't carry my gun inside the walls.

I cursed myself in silence and started to walk downstairs. I wish I could see all the furniture Paul had but I couldn't announce my presence so my only option was to follow the light, which I did swiftly. I could hear a voice but it took me a while to make any sense of it.

"I know you would love those parties they make every Sunday." Paul's voice came from the only room with light, "We even had those back in the day, you remember?" He let out a deep sigh, "I still miss those days. We didn't have much like we do here, but we were happy, weren't we? I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything but I miss that, you know? I miss you, Karina."

There was not a sound to be heard expect for Paul's voice. The easiest explanation was that Paul was probably talking to a portrait ou painting like so many of us do. Death is such a common experience among the survivors. With this conclusion I could leave the house, but I wouldn't be satisfied. I wanted to know more about this Karina woman he was talking to. And about those old days.

I reached the entrance of the room but didn't dare to look inside. Instead I stayed there in silence, all my muscles stiffed. Quietly listening to Paul eating his dinner.

"Dominic talked to me again. You know, about the shifts and all that." Paul chuckled, "I'm not sure if we are just talking or flirting at this point. I know you are as terrible at this as I am but a little help would be good."

Paul chuckled again and a moan was heard. I felt my spine freeze as I obviously recognized the sound. A guttural and tired moan only a walker could make. I finally peeked into the room. There was no bed or beside table or any fortnite whatsoever. Paul was sat on a wooden chair eating his dinner with a fork. The most shocking thing though was the walker. The undead had it's arms tied tightly in a straightjacket. Saliva was falling from her mouth in the most grotesque waterfall I've ever seen. Paying special attention I realized her mouth was toothless. There was almost nothing left of hair in her head and the skin was this unnatural tone of grey. That walker was old. A thick chain kept it near the wall.

"What the fuck?" I whispered in terror.

Faster than I could even register Paul got up and pointed his revolver at me. I put my hands up and froze still.

"It's me! It's me! Please don't shoot."

It didn't seem like Paul would shoot me but he didn't put the gun down either. Instead he looked deep into my eyes. I tried to read him but as usual it was impossible to know what he was thinking.

"What are you doing here?" He asked finally with a deep voice.

"I... I was just-" the truth is that there was nothing to be said. I was there because I wanted to know what was up with him. And now I did.

"You shouldn't be here." He said firmly.

"I k-know!" I stuttered, "But you know what I'm already leaving, actually!"

"No!"

I stayed still. Paul took a deep sigh and finally put his gun down. The silence was only broken by the walker's unnerving sounds. Paul walked across the living room and brought a chair with him. Without saying anything he invited me to the room with the walker. I sat with them. Looking at it made me so uncomfortable all I wanted was to runway from there as fast as I could. Still, I stayed.

"This is Karina." Paul started, "We met in a settlement right after the outbreak."

"She died." I said, "And you couldn't let go of her."

"It's a little more complex than that."

I tried to look into Paul's eyes, but he was facing the ground. Once he was ready, Paul looked up at me.

"We made and oath. We wouldn't abandon each other no matter what. And when would fight for each other. One lives, all live."

Paul lifted hir shirt a little to show a huge scar on his belly. It looked well healed, "Our camp got raided by walkers. Me and Karina were the only survivors. I got this scar as a souvenir. But it looked bad, and I went unconscious for a couple hours."

At this point I kind of realized where this was going. I read Romeo and Juliet back at school. I hate tragedies. Paul lowered his shirt and shifted on his chair a little.

"Karina couldn't face the world on her own. She wanted to end all this pain and suffering."

"Oh no..." I covered my mouth slightly.

Paul tilted his head, "She killed herself. Once I got there it was already too late."

He stayed in silence for a while and I realized there were actual tears dropping from his eyes.

"But we made an oath!" He cried out. "We vowed never to leave each other and that's what I did!" He said even louder. The tears cleaning his face. "That's what I did-!!"

He choked on his own tears and couldn't say anything else. Paul just buried his face on his hands and cried while the walker (or should I say Karina?) moaned quietly in it's never ending hunger.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, no knowing what to say.

Paul got up still facing the ground. I quickly got up too and hugged him. He was taller than me so he had to bend a little to hug me back. That made his weight fall upon me. I had to stiff my legs in order not to simply fall down. But I carried him. He kept crying louder and louder. The walker got agitated but it didn't left it's place due to the restrains. I closed my eyes shut wishing with all of me for this to be over. Not Paul or the walker. Just everything else.

Pain and suffering left a scar on everyone. And I couldn't help but think, clouded by my own nostalgia, how much better things were before.