#speaking of uni I’m so scared

[velmashaircut]

It’s day two of my holiday and I’m so bored. I’ve cleaned my room, cut my hair, continued reading Dracula but I feel so unfulfilled. I woke up at 12, ate lunch and realised I had nothing I wanted to do. I think I’ll just have to force myself back into my hobbies even if I don’t feel like doing them so I have something to do. I can’t hang out with my friends either because they still have exams and even when those exams are complete, it’s not like I can hang out with them everyday. I’ll probably start going on walks just to waste time.

I began applying for jobs but no one will hire me because I have no work experience, I tried applying for volunteering so I could get experience but there’s no spaces available anywhere. I’m offering unpaid labour and nobody wants it 😭. Im probably just going to try and fake having work experience and hope for the best.

[gawainism]

i am going to move out and make friends. manifestation is real and im doing it

[wendigoons-shoelaces]

omg me after getting my masters degree on palaeontology :O lol

Teach about anything! There is always somebody willing to pay you for it. - By the makers of WordPress.com.

[malachitezmeyka]

As a result of hormones, being generally exhausted from lack of sleep, and the crushing pressure of the realisation that in a year I’ll be a legal adult, I have spent the last half an hour sobbing into my pillow. Fun times all around

[2hightocare]

DOWN BAD! 02

Synopsis: Despite undeniable chemistry, your guys’ relationship remains undefined, caught between playful teasing to deeper, unspoken longing.

Pairings: bad boy! jungkook x fem! reader

Genre: friends to lovers. college au. slowburn!

Warnings: angst, drug use, profanity, explicit content, talks about abusive home, fighting, arguing, screaming, crying, flashbacks, oc and jk are nineteen (freshmen’s in uni) mentions of death, daddy/mommy issues.

a/n: GOSHHHHHHH! pray for my girl yn😓😓 she’s down bad and she fr ain’t getting up. Left you guys on a cliffhanger hehe. enjoy���🤍

01! playlist

"What do you want?" He says, the smallest glint of amusement on his face has Jungkook's stomach recoiling.

"The regular," Jungkook found himself saying, reaching into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. "I don't have opioids. My supplier said there was a shortage—want to try some new shit?" Yoongi says as he balances his cigarette on his lips, looking into a cabin.

"You've tried snow before, right?" He looks up at Jungkook who stands there. "No, I told you l don't fuck with that shit," Jungkook shakes his head, putting his wallet back into the pocket of his jeans.

"It's on me, just try it," Yoongi hands Jungkook a small bag filled with white powder. "Just snort it and let it do its thing, boy," Yoongi chuckles as he watches Jungkook look down at the drug in his palm. "It won't kill you if that's what you're thinking," he continues, taking a drag from his cigarette before exhaling.

Jungkook's mind immediately goes to you as the words leave Yoongi's mouth.

“You’re going to kill yourself,” you scream, your hands pulling on your hair as Jungkook watches silently—his heart breaking as he sees the tear fall from your eye. Whatever he wants to say stays stuck in his throat.

“I’ll be fine,” Jungkook finds himself muttering, a loud scoff heard from you as you hold his face in your hands, making him look up at you. “Tell me what’s wrong, fuck! I’ll fix it, just tell me,” you cry out. Jungkook watches as your legs give out and you drop to the floor in front of him.

Jungkook feels his stomach drop, his heartbeat stops, and his mind goes blank. He wants to drop to his knees and beg you to not care and run away as far as you can from him, but the selfish part of him wants you to stay.

“Baby,” Jungkook slurs, the drugs in his system not letting him speak normally. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he apologizes again for the hundredth time in the past few days. Jungkook drops beside you, removing your hands from your face as another sob racks through your body. Your eyes red and puffy as tears continue to cascade down.

Jungkook knows nothing about love, but there’s you. The highlight of his days, the only reason he even wants to wake up in the morning.

He hates how he drags you along with him—in every bad decision he makes. Jungkook’s life hasn’t been easy; an abusive household isn’t something anybody wants, but he’s one of the unlucky ones who got it. He knows he’s a legal adult and can move out, but his feet stay glued inside that house because of her, his mom.

God. Jungkook has seen everything fucked up in the piece of shit he calls his house. The blows his mom would take from the man whose blood Jungkook carries. He wasn’t a father to him, that’s for sure. Screams and fighting are the only things his house is filled with. He never heard a bedtime story or got a good night hug. The hug was replaced by a hit on the cheek, jaw, face—or anywhere his dad could get his hands on.

Jungkook blames his dad for the way he is, and every time he looks at you, he imagines the what ifs. Jungkook has done everything he could do to push you away, but instead of leaving, you stayed. It’s scared the shit out of him.

He’s in love with you. Jungkook has never felt anything more in his life than his love for you—it’s almost pathetic how much you make him feel. If your love were a drug, Jungkook would do it every day, every hour, and every minute instead of all the shit he put in his system to forget.

Your love is pure and innocent—everything that Jungkook isn’t. Every time he looks at you, he’s afraid he will break you. He wishes you could realize how unfixable he is and leave—but instead, you’re on your knees begging for him to be better.

How badly did he want to be better; so he could be with you.

“Stop saying sorry and stop doing it, fuck,” you sob, your fist holding onto his hoodie—your knuckles turning white from fear that if you let him go, he’ll vanish.

“You’re better than this. I know you are,” you cry, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, wetting his hoodie with your tears. “Please stop, you could die.” you beg desperately, like a child would.

“Shh,” he comforts, his hand rubbing your back as you sob into him, “I’m sorry.”

As Jungkook walked, the guilt inside him consumed him more and more. The hurt expression on your face after he disrespected you remained etched in his mind, feeling like someone was poking his heart with a needle with each step he took.

Similarly, the weight of the small bag in the pocket of his sweater sent a sense of panic through his body. He hadn’t planned on taking it, but the moment it was placed in his hand, he couldn’t bring himself to give it back. Instead, he bit his tongue and shoved it into his pocket.

His heart sank as an image flashed in his mind of what your reaction would be if you ever found out. With a shake of his head, he buried the thought deep within him before reaching the main door of his house.

Jungkook’s hand trembles as he holds onto the doorknob. He had nowhere else to go, it was either yours or this. He felt his throat close up as his mind went back to you, his heart screaming for you. To turn around and run back to you—like always, his safe space. The only place where he could let his guard down.

The aching sensation in his chest reminded him of the first time he told you about his dad. You were both seventeen—laying on the carpet of your room, staring up at the ceiling. The broken expression on your face after he confided in you made him feel worse than any hit he had ever taken.

“Did you seriously get into another fight?” you groaned as you examined his face, the purple and blue marks beginning to form twisting your stomach in knots. “Who was it this time?” you frowned, your hand reaching out to touch his bruised cheek.

“Didn’t fight anyone. I actually hit myself with the car door,” the lie flowed smoothly out of his mouth.

“A door?” You raised an eyebrow, not fully believing him. Jungkook had a tendency to throw the first punch after someone lightly touched him—he had more suspensions and run ins with the police than anyone could count. Every time you saw him, there was another bruise decorating his skin, always brushed off like it was no big deal.

“Who was it?” You tried again, your face turning to him.

Jungkook's eyes remained locked with the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling. “I can’t tell you,” he mumbled softly into the darkness.

“Why not? Is it a secret?” You quipped, scooting closer to his side—your finger tracing his features as he let out a deep breath. “It’s a really big secret,” he hushed, to which you only nodded eagerly.

“I can keep a secret,” you smiled, your heart beating fast in your chest as you noticed the proximity between you two. You raised a pinky into the air. “Pinky promise,” you bit your lip anxiously, watching him interlock his pinky with yours. “Okay, now tell me.”

“My dad,” he said, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“What?” You stuttered out, hoping you had heard him wrong.

“My dad, he's abusive,” he restated. The color drained from your face, and Jungkook saw it.

Sadness written all over your face. Words didn’t come out when you opened your mouth; instead, an ugly cry replaced the words.

“That’s why I can’t stand someone’s hands on me,” Jungkook says, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to escape the pain in his heart. It felt as if he was being kicked and thrown.

“Fuck.. I always touch you,” you bit your lip, trying to contain your sobs. “Your touch is the only touch that doesn’t repulse me, baby. So if you plan on not touching me, don’t,” Jungkook quickly interjected, grabbing your hand and intertwining it with his.

Jungkook loved your touch; your fingers on his skin felt like heaven. It almost confused him how much he looked forward to it—sometimes he found himself initiating it. You were the only exception with such privilege; anyone else who laid a finger on him sent a sense of nausea and shivers down his body.

“I didn’t know. I’m so fucking sorry, baby. Let me help you.. we can tell the police, he deserves to be in jail. Please,” you sobbed, placing your palm on his cheek.

“You think I don’t know he needs to go to jail? For all I know, he should be put on a electric chair,” Jungkook spat out, shoving your hand away from his face.

“And fuck. Yes, my mom knows. She fucking gets hit too,” he rambled, his chest heaving as he tried to look anywhere in your room that wasn’t you, and for the first time, you saw him break down.

As Jungkook crumbled down with a loud sob, his hands cover his face as his shoulders shake as he weeps, you wasted no time dropping to your knees and pulling him into you, whispering reassuring words in his ear.

"She doesn't leave," he cried. "I keep telling her he's going to kill her if she doesn't leave, but she stays." The cracks in his voice mirrored the cracks in your heart as you listened, feeling the weight of his pain, as the double meaning clicks in your head.

"And I can't leave. Who's going to protect her if I'm not there?" he sobbed quietly, his hands tightening around your waist. "I'm scared that if I leave for too long, I'll come back to a house with a dead body in it," he confessed, sending shivers down your spine.

"Baby," you cooed, tears streaming down your cheeks,

"we should tell the police. They'll help you. I promise."

But his response shattered your hopes.

"No," he croaked out, untangling himself from your embrace.

"Listen to me. If you even think about telling a policeman what I just told you, I swear to god yn, I will never fucking forgive you," Jungkook shook, his face contorted with pain and panic.

"I trust you enough to tell you, but I swear if you say anything about this to anyone, we're done. Whatever the fuck we have, it's done. I will never fucking forgive you."

Jungkook pushes the door open, and he’s met with silence. Without thinking twice, he rushes to his mom's room, slamming the door open to be met with her limp body on the bed.

His heart stops beating, and suddenly everything stops—his hand trembles as he makes his way to her. He nudges her once.

“Mom,” Jungkook calls, only to be met with silence.

“Mom,” he tries again. She stirs in her sleep.

“Jungkook?” She croaks, her voice hoarse as she peeks from her lying position. Jungkook's heart picks up again, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Mom, are you okay? What happened?” Jungkook asks, dropping beside her on the bed. His fingers move her dark hair off her face carefully, revealing a bruise on her cheek.

“He hit you again?” Jungkook lets out a growl, his fist tightening beside him.

“I made him mad. It’s not his fault,” she defends, almost automatically making Jungkook scoff. “Mom, that's not an excuse!” He grits his teeth.

“He isn’t a bad man, Jungkook. He's still your father,” she sighs, the look of tiredness clear on her face as she winces when she moves to her side. Jungkook watches dumbfounded.

“You know, you remind me of him,” she shakes out a laugh, the whole sentence feeling like a punch in the stomach for Jungkook. The more he tries to breathe, the more difficult it becomes. “He was just like you, you know? Every time I look at you—it’s like I’m seeing him. He is a good man underneath it all, Jungkook. You have to understand that I could never leave him. I’m in love with him,” she continues, and every word feels like a hit in the gut.

“W-what do you mean.. I’m just like him?” Jungkook stutters, his throat drying up and the familiar feeling of tears picking up in his eyes have him clawing his nails into his palms.

“Do you think when I met your dad, he treated me wrong?” She finally locks eyes with Jungkook. The light in her eyes she once had is now gone, replaced with dull, tired eyes. “He was gentle with me, he was sweet, caring, he was everything to me. He’s still everything to me,” a tear rolls down her cheek, making Jungkook suck in a breath.

“What about me?” Jungkook's voice cracks, the knot in his throat tightening as he watches his mom shake her head.

“Am I not everything to you, Mom?” Another tear falls, followed by more.

“It’s more complicated than you think, Jungkook,” she sighs. Jungkook feels his heart crack into a million pieces as he watches the woman who brought him into this life discard him.

“He’s going to kill you one day,” Jungkook speaks, wiping the tears from his eyes before clearing his voice. “He’s going to kill you, and you’re going to let it happen.”

“He wouldn’t do that to me,” she whispers into the silence.

“He wouldn’t?” A shocked laugh leaves Jungkook's lips as he can’t believe what he just heard. “He fucking wouldn’t? He fucking hits you? Aren’t you fucking scared that one day he throws the wrong punch?” Jungkook shouts, anger taking over.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she snaps. “I’m your mother, and you don’t get to fucking talk to me like that.”

“Well, you’re a shitty mother. A good mother would put their child first. The only reason I’m still here is because of you!” Jungkook snaps back, his frustration growing stronger as he watches his mom stay motionless.

“I keep coming back because I’m scared he’ll kill you. But apparently, you don’t give a fuck,” he breathes out, his hand tugging on his hair—feeling almost manic at the lack of his mother's reaction.

“Every hit he took on me, you blamed it on me. When all I did was try to protect you. But you always choose him. So fucking next time he comes in through those doors and has his way with you, don’t come running or yelling my name to come and save you,” Jungkook spits out before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him with a loud bang.

Jungkook's mind kept racing, never shutting up for a moment, allowing him to think. His brain was filled with repetitions of everything his mom just said. The words "he was just like you, you know? Every time I look at you-it's like I'm seeing him" kept getting repeated in his head over and over again without a break.

Screams of his mom asking for him to save her echoed in his brain, the weight of his guilt and the haunting memories that plagued his mind had Jungkook pulling out the small baggie from his sweater, moving to the small desk in his room.

Jungkook dropped the white powder on the surface, making a line. Without hesitation, Jungkook leaned over, pinching one of his nostrils before snorting.

A sharp burning, stinging sensation spread through Jungkook's nose as he sniffed, rubbing off the remaining powder.

Jungkook dropped onto his bed in a star position as he stared at the ceiling, the feeling of numbness taking over his body. His muscles relaxed as the drug entered his bloodstream, sending a sense of euphoria—a warm feeling spread throughout his body, making him groan in pleasure.

And for once, the voices finally stopped.

It was embarrassing how you found yourself looking for the man you were in love with every corner of the campus. You started with the lockers and hallways, peeking through every classroom, hoping you’d catch a glimpse of the boy who left you standing in your angel costume Saturday night.

You had debated on running after him; the guilt that weighed you down from the slap was intense. Your touch was supposed to be his only gateway, instead, you used it against him to hurt him the same way his dad does. As messed up as his words were, it didn’t compare.

“Have you seen Jungkook?” You ask, poking Dahlia on the shoulder. She turns to look at you, mouth filled with food as she nods without saying anything.

“You have?” Your eyebrow raises as she continues to nod eagerly.

“Y-yeah, he’s ou-outside, in the corner,” Dahlia finally says, swallowing her food. You throw a small ‘thank you’ and rush outside.

As you run to the corner where everybody meets up to smoke, you curse out loud as you trip on the crack of the pavement before changing your pace to walking instead.

Your eyes meet his in an instant as you pass the corner, the lit-up joint hanging from his lips. You look around to see Taehyung and Jimin with worried looks on their faces. As you walk closer to them, Jungkook passes the joint to his friend before crossing his arms in front of him, flexing his muscles. If you weren’t so mad at him, you would find it hot.

“What’s up, pretty,” Taehyung says, trying to break the awkward silence as he takes a hit off the joint before passing it to Jimin, who looks uncomfortable as hell.

“Hey,” you acknowledge them both, giving polite head nods before turning your attention to the boy in the middle, his eyes bloodshot red with a small grin decorating his handsome face.

“What’s so funny?” You snap, crossing your arms in front of you. A loud laugh slips out of his mouth, shocking the boys beside him. “Hi baby,” he says, his eyes dropping low as he moves closer to you. You push him away with a hand on his chest, making him pout.

“Rude,” he playfully scoffs, leaning back onto the wall and reaching for the blunt on Taehyung’s fingers as he raises an eyebrow at you.

“That’s enough,” you say, taking away the joint from Taehyung’s hand as Jungkook was about to reach for it.

“This is our cue to leave. Let’s go,” Taehyung hurries off, pulling on his blonde friends arm, before they both mutter something under their breaths as they disappear around the corner.

“Don’t throw that, it’s some good shit, and I just bought it,” Jungkook chuckles, reaching for it only for you to push him away.

“Alright then,” you pull the rolled-up paper up to your lips and take a drag. Jungkook's face drops, and suddenly nothing is funny. His hand immediately shoots up and yanks the joint out of your mouth before throwing it on the ground and stomping on it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jungkook roars, watching you cough loudly as white smoke rushes out of your mouth.

“Fuck, what were you thinking?” He panics, rubbing a hand over your back to coax your coughing fit. Your throat and chest burn as you continue to cough.

“Don’t ever do that shit again, do you hear me? It’s not good for you,” Jungkook sighs, his rough hand drawing circles down your back as you finally calm down.

“So, you agree it’s not good for you?” You say, your voice hoarse from all the coughing. “Let’s not do this right now, yn,” he pulls on your arm as he walks you to the parking lot. “You never want to do anything,” you yank your arm from his grip. Jungkook takes a deep breath, trying his best not to snap at you.

“Just get in the car, baby,” he continues, opening the passenger door for you. Instead, you push him off and slam the door shut.

“You’re high as fuck; you can’t drive, asshole,” you snap, throwing your arms in the air in anger. “And you’re not?” he clenches his teeth. “I took one hit,” you shove a finger in his face.

“Yeah, a big-ass one. Before you know it, you’ll be high, so get in the fucking car or I’ll put you in it myself,” he snaps. “You wouldn’t dare,” you spit out, and before you know it, your ass is in the air as he hauls you over his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t?” Jungkook mutters under his breath as he opens the car door and sits you down on the seat, reaching for the seatbelt and strapping you in. “Where are you taking me?” You roll your eyes as he sits down beside you.

“To your fucking house,” he says, pulling out of the parking lot of the school and driving you home.

The whole car ride is filled with silence; neither of you decides to utter a word. The moment the car stops in front of your house, you hurriedly unbuckle your seatbelt and open your door before sprinting to your door, unlocking it, and disappearing inside. Jungkook almost screams into his hands, wanting to throw a whole tantrum in this car, but he decides otherwise.

With a loud sigh, he turns off the car, turns to the back seat, gets his sweater, and jumps out of the car. He takes the same route he always did when he showed up at your house, climbing himself over the picket fence before climbing the tree next to your window.

The window is opened as you sit on the ground of your room, your knees up to your chest. Jungkook throws his sweater in first before jumping in.

Then his heart dropped, your small hands hold the tiny bag that was in the pocket of his sweater that had fallen out.

“What’s this, Jungkook?” You voice out, and Jungkook doesn’t miss the wavering of your voice as you finally look up at him. His heart might just have been stabbed by your shocked expression, the betrayal and the pain etched in your expressions send a shooting pain in his heart.

“Baby-“

“Don’t fucking baby me! What the fuck is this?” You interrupt him, your hand shaking as you think of every possible drug that could be in the bag. Jungkook didn’t reply; the words suddenly died in his mouth.

“Is this a way of pushing me away?” You ask, tears starting to flow down your cheeks, mixing with your anger and heartbreak.

“Did something happen at home again? Why? Fuck, why?” You cry, a soul-crushing sob that comes out of you, which has Jungkook coming back to his senses. He feels like shit, and that word doesn’t even cover half of what he’s feeling.

“Please tell me why? I’ll do anything. Let me help you, just fucking stop doing this shit, baby.” You cry, pulling his body to yours, wrapping your arms around his waist, crying into his uniform.

“Use me, scream at me, tell me horrible shit if that helps. Just don’t ever touch any drugs, Jungkook. I don’t know what I would do if you died.” You whisper the last words as you sob into his arms, begging for him to stop. “I’m never leaving your side, so get that into your head. If this is your way of pushing me away, it won’t work.” You sob.

And that’s where everything clicks for Jungkook. His mind thinks back to his mom, “You have to understand that I could never leave him. I’m in love with him,” and his heart drops to the ground. All the walls he took so long to build collapse. He was just like his dad—Jungkook wanted to say he wasn’t, but here he was, hurting you, making you sob into his arms, begging for him to change. The same thing his mom does anytime his father would get drunk.

“I’m not good for you,” Jungkook finally speaks, his hands cupping your face. “I’m not good for you.” He repeats, and you shake your head disapprovingly repeatedly. “Stop.” You cry, your tears wetting Jungkook's palms as he repeats the same thing over again.

“You deserve someone so much fucking better, baby,” Jungkook whispers, dropping his forehead to yours. “You deserve so much better than me. I can’t give you anything, baby, besides heartache and pain.” He continues as you repeat ‘no’ over and over again under your breath.

“Please don’t leave me,” you cry, as he untangles himself from you, pushing your hand away gently when you try to reach for him.

“Fuck, Jungkook, don’t leave. Stay the night; we’ll talk about this in the morning.” That was the last thing Jungkook heard as he jumped out of the window and ran to his car, leaving his heart in the hands of the girl crying on the floor, praying for him to be safe.

[misswhowrite]

Big Brown Eyes

Summary: You’re Tony Stark child from a previous one night stand, how will everyone react to meeting you for the first time.

(english isn’t my first language) (back after one year, uni had me kms but hey I’m back)

Tony Stark, many would describe him as THE playboy of the year or the decade. While Tony wasn’t unaware of the women who claim that the playboy got them pregnant, all of them were just lies to have money from the billionaire but this time… There was no denying because the paternity test before was very real.

The journalist from “apparently” two years ago was in the hall of his penthouse, with a one year old child in her arms and a paternity test that was shoved in Tony’s face. Well there was really no need for the test because Tony thought he was looking at a picture of him when he was the same age: big brown eyes, little brown hair, chubby face, that child is a copy of Tony. And after a long discussion between the two parents it was decided that Tony would be a father to the child (not like his father that is sure) and would seem them every weekend at first to not disturb the routine of the babe.

Pepper wasn’t exactly surprise when Tony told her about the baby, of course she thought that they wasn’t Tony’s child but after seeing the test and the child there was no denying. She immediately engaged a team to make a room for the little one (in reality she was excited but she wasn’t going to tell or show that): a nursery was made in a week, just in time for the first visit of little Stark. Their mom was pleasantly surprised with the room but still a little hesitant to just hand over her baby to their father.

“_Hey...I know it must be hard for you but they’ll be safe here. I mean the team is going to visit so they’ll have the avengers to protect them and be at their demand.

_ I know Tony but it the first time that they’ll be away from me an entire weekend… what if they need me or they’re scared and you don’t have their teddy bear!

_ You gave me the teddy and the emergency on and the emergency one if the other is lost so I think we’re safe. Just have a stressless weekend, I’ll message you every two hours if want.

_Okay we can do that… I think”

After a lot more of convincing she left and Tony was having a staring contest with his baby and that’s the scene the team were welcome with.

“_ Why there is a tiny human with Stark?

_ Well team met my baby, Y/N, Y/N met the team… I guess”

While there was a bit a shock on their faces it wasn’t that surprising (they fought alien so Tony’s child was a piece of cake)

Natasha was the first to take you in her arms, with Clint looking over her shoulders, she was bouncing you lightly while Clint made baby noises to you. Little baby gurgles were heard that soften everyone hearts.

Then Thor thought it was a good idea to see if you could hold his hammer and Bruce was the one to hold him back, both were not comfortable enough to hold a baby but they were happy to see you.

Steve is another history, he was completely in love with your big brown eyes. He would hold you so softly in his big arms (you looked so tiny in his arms that Tony was afraid he would squish you), speaking softly to you with a baby voice and yes he tried to put you in his shield when you were sleeping.

The whole team loved you, you were their shot of innocence and happiness in their world full of violence. But nobody could love you as much as your dad, he look at you like you are the apple of his eyes, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to be a father but for you he would try his very best just to see your little gummy smile.

[maevstar]

| Introducing myself in my fame dr ᯓᡣ𐭩

ᝰ. My name is Maeve Amelie Solace, but people usually call me by “Mae”.

ᝰ. I’m 26yo and I’m an A-list american actress and singer. (I was born in 1997 but I didn’t turned 27 yet).

ᝰ. I started my way on acting when I was 16 when my older brother was doing a play on high school and begged me to participate. I did, and since then I’ve been in love with acting.

ᝰ. When I graduated from high school i moved out from my hometown — Austin, Texas — to LA and entered to UCLA School of Theater.

ᝰ. My first big project in Hollywood was “The Edge of Seventeen” when I was 19-20yo, before that I just worked with small projects, mostly from my uni.

ᝰ. That project gave me more visibility in the industry and I became more well known.

ᝰ. Some of my films: The Edge of Seventeen, The School for Good and Evil (adaptation of the books), Lady bird, Scream 4 (2018), Little Woman, Causeway, We Live in a Time, Challengers, Me Before You, Glass Onion 2, Duna, Anyone but You, Don’t look up, No hard feelings, Don’t worry darling, The outrun, and etc.

ᝰ. Some of my shows: Supernatural (Claire Novak), Looking for Alasca, YOU, outer banks (season 4).

ᝰ. I’ve been nominated for the Oscar 4 times as the best Actress in a Leading Role, but I’m just gonna win the award in the 4th time (2024). Futhermore, i’ve won a lot of awards and nominations like Emmy’s and Golden Globes. In 2022, I entered the list of The Most Influential People by Time Magazine.

Now, my singer career:

ᝰ. My mom is a country singer — not much known — in Texas, so I’ve grew up loving music, and I’ve been writing songs since I was 15, but these never turned into real songs, until 2019-2020, when I recorded my EP’s.

ᝰ. My first EP is called “Minor” and it has 7 songs. I released it in 2019 just for fun, was some songs that I’ve been writing during the years. In 2020 I released more 2 EPs, called “Bittersweet” and “Good Riddance”, with 7 and 10 songs respectively, again, just for fun.

ᝰ. Now, my new coming up project on music is my first Album, called “The Secret Of Us”, it has 13 songs (+ 7 from deluxe) and all of them will have a music video, cause my objective is making a visual album.

ᝰ. With my new album, I intend to go on my first tour.

Fun facts about me:

ᝰ. I know ballet and gymnastics cause when my sister was 8 years old she wanted to learn but was scared to do it alone, so I used to go to classes with her.

ᝰ. I have 3 siblings, Will, Kayla and Austin. Will is 2 years older than me, Kayla is younger than me 4 years and Austin is 8 years younger than me. (Another fun fact is that Austin is adopted).

ᝰ. My s/o is Drew Starkey, I met him in a party at Maddie Cline’s house (2021). Also, Madelyn is my best friend and I’m very close to the cast of the outer banks too.

ᝰ. I’m in fact brazilian. I was born there but my family moved to the US when I was 8 — my father is brazilian but my mom is from us, she was in a trip when met my dad in brazil and blablabla — so I have dual nationality. (latinas are better lol). But when I was 14, I moved again to Brazil and lived there for almost 2 years with my aunt before I came back to US.

ᝰ. When I was 16, I made a YouTube channel with my brother Will and we used to talk about the most random things ever (btw it was a flop lol, this channel just came up when we became famous). (another fun fact is that he is also a well known actor, but more on theater plays than on screen).

ᝰ. When I was in high school, I was planning on going to med school — mostly because of my dad, he’s a doctor (my obsession with greys anatomy might got me inclined to that too🤭) — but then I fell in love with acting (when I was 16, like i said) and never quit. Besides that, I’m still very interested with things related to science and human body, stuff like that; most of things that I know are bc of my dad tho.

ᝰ. I’m polyglot. I speak Portuguese, English, Italian, Spanish and a bit of French and Latin. I also know ASL.

ᝰ. I still don’t know how to ride bikes without training wheels cause no one ever taught me (����).

ᝰ. I love the sea, beaches, everything related to that, it’s one of my favorite places in the world.

mood boards; mood boards details;

─────── ୨ৎ ───────

[auspicioustidings]

Ae Fond Kiss - Part 7

My Heart's in the Highlands

Summary: You speak with your kid and establish a new normal. A conversation is had with Johnny. Words: 2.6k TWs: mention of miscarriage

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

The drive home was silent. Your mind was a mess but you tried to slow down your racing thoughts and put your parent head on. It was so hard right now to be a parent when you felt like an out of control child. You tried to run through a script in your mind, a way to explain what was going on to Joey without bringing your own bitterness into it. 

The kid in question seemed no more willing to have the conversation than you were. He was staring out the window. He seemed exhausted. You could understand that, the emotional gauntlet he had been going through with his parents not even there to help… God you felt awful. 

“...let’s get the mega-ultra sundae” you decided, indicating to turn off towards the ice-cream parlour.

“That’s for like 20 people. Luna from school said her brothers tried to eat it all and they threw up.”

“How many brothers does she have again?”

“Four. One of them does football at uni, two are on the high school team and the last one just won a boxing competition.”

“Well I guess we’re about to embarrass Luna’s brothers.”

You glanced over to him and he looked to you, both with tentative smiles. This was still your kid, you were still his mother, and you were going to eat enough ice-cream that you’d both spend the evening curled up on the sofa feeling sick and watching bad movies. You didn’t know how you ever got so lucky. You could strangle both of his dads, but you could never not appreciate the hand they had in this brilliant boy. 

While you immediately knew the mega-ultra sundae was a mistake when the server struggled to put it on the table due to the weight, you both grinned anyway. The first few spoonfuls you just took the time to think about what to say. 

“Did you really think he was dead?” Joe asked, carefully digging for marshmallows.

“We both did, me and your dad. I think… I think uncle John might have known he wasn’t and I’m very angry with him over it” you answered, aiming for complete honesty. 

“Was the stuff you said about him true?”

You thought on that while you took a mouthful of what you had thought was mostly ice cream but was almost 100% whipped cream. You had told Joe all about Johnny even if you lied about just what he was to him. You had told him how brave he was, how loving. How when he got really excited you and Simon could barely understand half the words that came out of his mouth. You’d told him about his temper, how he would explode and then after need to nap it off before profusely apologising. And God was he clever even if he seemed like a big dumb idiot sometimes. He could make an explosive out of anything and on New Years he usually did. 

“Yeah. We never lied about the kind of man he was, just… it felt scary to tell you he was your father. We should have told you. We shouldn’t have hidden it because we were scared about what you might think.”

“What would I think?”

You could still hear Johnny yelling in your head. You were afraid Joe would think what he did, that you loving Simon even when you thought he was dead was a betrayal. Although now you knew that you had been betrayed it felt like such a stupid fear.

“I didn’t want you to think of your dad differently because he wasn’t your birth father. And I… for some people me falling in love with Johnny’s best friend after he died was wrong. I just didn’t want you to think that.”

Joey thought on that for a while as he kept working on the sundae which didn’t seem like it had decreased in volume at all. You hated putting all of this on a 9 year old. He should be telling you all about the football game and explaining again how he could build a computer in Minecraft, not considering how he felt about finding out a war hero whose death was faked by the military was his father. God you hoped Kyle hadn’t known.

“I think it’s ok” he said eventually as he chewed through a chunk of meringue. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty cool that I have another dad. Does he always sound like that? Did he really take on a whole town of bad guys and win with dad?”

You shoved another spoonful in your mouth even though you were feeling a little nauseous because if you didn’t try and distract yourself with something you’d cry. He was supposed to yell at you, he was supposed to be mad and turn off his hearing aids so he couldn’t listen to your apologies. But that wasn’t the kid you and Simon had raised. Yeah he could get angry, but he was so good at cooling off and moving on and fixing the issue. 

So you told him all about Johnny but this time in present tense, you both gave the mega-ultra sundae your best shot and then you ran to the bathroom as soon as you got home to throw up which your kid did not let you live down as you watched a bunch of superhero movies. 

–

You didn’t think anyone but you three could pull it off, but somehow life went on. Simon and Johnny arranged a meeting with you and it was decided who would do what. School runs were completely off your plate, they’d share that between them and it seemed like a good way to have J be able to get to know his biological father in small, casual chunks. 

You did offer to let them stay in the guest room, but Simon could read you well enough to know that right now you really did not want to be around them and you were offering for the sake of keeping the peace, so he said no. He was staying in an airbnb nearby and Johnny to your surprise outright bought himself a flat the second week. Not really your business, but part of you felt your heart break that he had just accepted so quickly that you’d be separate for the rest of your lives. 

You never asked about what was going on with the two of them. Maybe it was cowardly, but you didn’t want to know. If they were together, then it would feel like you were always just the second choice and now they would be happy without you. If they weren’t, then it would feel like they were only holding back out of their love and respect for you which was no doubt making them miserable. Did you want them to be miserable? You didn’t know, the answer changed depending on the time of day.

You’d had a dream this morning of the two of them together, had woken up wet and needy and had let your hand wander between your legs to finish yourself off to the fantasy of it. Afterwards you promptly threw up and spent the rest of the day in bed feeling awful until J got back from football practice. Johnny had taken him and they were laughing together. He had taken one look at you and invited himself in, saying he’d order take away and get Joe to bed after dinner so you should just relax. You felt too ill and exhausted to really argue.

Joe was in bed and you were tidying away the leftovers when Johnny came back downstairs into the kitchen. It was the first time the two of you had been alone together. 

“Sorry, you used tae love cashews” he said.

“I still do. The place is usually really good as well, just really couldn’t stomach them today” you replied, frowning at the container as you put it away because it really had been sort of gross but Joey had tried some and said he’d eat the leftovers. 

“I can go grab something from the shops if ye want? Ye didnae eat an awful lot.”

You closed the fridge and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“..I’m naw Senga’ing!” he protested, knowing that raised eyebrow well.

“You’re Senga’ing a little.”

“Naw I’m not!”

“I dunno Johnny, if it worries like a Senga and fusses like a Senga…”

He threw a tea towel at you and you laughed. Senga was your old neighbour's very moody hen who treated the two of you like unruly chicks whenever you were out the back garden. It was sort of comforting to know the old Johnny from nearly a decade ago was still here, but bittersweet that he wasn’t yours anymore. 

“I…” you started, but trailed off because you didn’t know what you wanted to say.

You had spent weeks with the anger at finding out what had happened being difficult to predict. Sometimes you felt it so intensely, sometimes it faded away. It was all so long ago now. You were a different person. You all were. 

“I shouldnae have… well let’s be honest there’s a hunner things I shouldnae have done, but just going for recently I shouldnae ever have tried tae say it was wrong of ye to marry Simon. Especially naw when I knew myself that he…” he trailed off.

“That he’s easy to fall in love with” you finished for him, hearing almost a tone of commiseration in your voice. 

“Is easy the word?”

“Fair enough. I hated him at the start. Considered breaking things off with you more than once just so I didn’t have to be around him anymore.”

“I broke two of my fingers trying tae break his nose the first month on the task force.”

You gave a dramatic gasp and pointed accusingly at him. 

“And you never told me?! How did I not know this?”

“Cause it’s a pure riddy. Tried tae punch him with his mask on and he didnae feel a fucking thing. Didnae even try get me intae trouble for it either, just ordered me tae go to medical like a pure dick.”

You could imagine how mad that would have made Johnny and you could absolutely imagine how smug Simon would have been about the whole thing. One regret you had was the times you avoided going out with Johnny’s friends because you sort of wished now you had seen them together more. At the time you were young and so sure that Simon Riley was just a misogynistic tosser that you avoided him and you knew now you had probably missed out on so much. Maybe you’d have noticed how they felt about one another had you given him a chance. 

“I wanted to strangle him so much at the start. No clue how it turned into what it did. He didn’t even propose with a ring, just asked if I wanted to get married in the kitchen on a whim.”

Johnny looked horrified on your behalf.

“Absolute roaster! How in the fuck did both of us fall for such a wanker?”

The two of you took a beat to decide how you felt about this all being out in the open and then laughed together until you cried. God it was nice to just laugh about it. You’d never get over what the two of them did a decade ago, not really, but you didn’t want it to turn you bitter. You didn’t want to forget all the good things. And you wanted them both in Joseph’s life, you wanted him to get all of the love and support you knew these men were capable of. 

You wiped away a tear and sighed, leaning on the counter and looking at Johnny with a sort of sad smile. 

“I wish you had just told me how you felt about him. It’s not that you fell in love with him that hurt, it was that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

Fuck, you guessed you knew how Joe felt now. Too scared to tell him the truth because you had imagined the worst of his reaction. 

“I was a shite husband. Naw even just what happened with Si, but all of it. Should never have taken that job without talking tae ye first. All well and good saying it was for your protection, but I should have trusted that ye wouldnae have told anyone, that ye’d have done your part if ye’d agreed tae it. Should never have taken that choice off of you.”

“Why the change of heart now?”

“Guess I’ve done some growing up. Over the last 9 years it’s naw been the soldiers that have been saving the world most of the time, it’s been the civilians. I used tae think I was some big hero just because I wore the uniform, but I was just being an arrogant prick. I hate that I treated ye like ye were less capable of making decisions because ye didnae have a set of fucking epaulettes. Never really deserved ye.”

“I’m sorry that you took it all on yourself. It must have been awful being alone all this time in enemy territory. Look, I’m pissed that you took the job, Price has been laying low because he knows I’m going to boot him in the balls next time I see him, but I know you did it to help people. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I never told you about… about that night with Simon.”

“I’m so so fucking sorry ye went through that bonnie, I cannae imagine” he said, and you knew he was sincere with the moisture gathering in his eyes. 

It was an old wound for you now, but this was new for him you realised. He hadn’t know until a few weeks ago that Joey may have had an older sibling. Remembering how painful it had been back then before time had healed you, you felt the sudden urge to hug him knowing there was a good chance this was still so raw for him. So you did.

He held you tight and buried his face in your hair like he used to. He smelled almost the same, although there was something a little less wild about him now. How long had it been since he had just been held? 9 years on mission, 9 years of the world on his shoulders. Fuck you almost wished Simon had known, then at least he would have had him to come back to without the complication of the lie between them. 

You stayed like that for a while, just clinging to one another in the kitchen. God you had missed him so damn much. You were just so angry that he had been alive all this time. So much time wasted. So many choices that could have changed things. If he had told you back then how he felt about Simon, what would you have done? If you had told him about the miscarriage, would it have changed things? But it was too late for any of that now. 

So when you broke apart and you took a breath to ask if he’d like to stay over, he beat you to it and said he’d best get going. Probably for the best.

“Why did you buy the place anyway? I thought you hated it down here, heart in the highlands and all that.”

“My heart’s in the highlands, but the highlands was never really about the place, it was about the person there in it with me. But the flat’s also close tae the uni Joe said he wants tae go to. I ken that he’s only little now so he might change his mind, but I wanted it tae be there for him just incase and it’s naw like I cannae buy another place for him if he goes somewhere else.”

You shoved him out of the door before you could go against your own best interests and kiss him.

[anadiasmount]

are you willing to write for trent alexander arnold? if so please write something fluffy or something antsy which gets resolved and turns to fluff

it’s you - trent alexander arnold x reader.

quick sum: love is never easy. especially when you least expected it from liverpools finest bachelor. will you finally take the leap of faith, or lose the guy who’s willing to do the extreme for you to see reality.

wc: 1.9k | masterlist | trent’s masterlist

psa🗣️: hi angel! and hello to my trent girlies! i haven’t written for trent before so i hope you enjoy this 🤍

you felt stuck. constantly looking around and avoiding the man that had consumed your thoughts in ways you didn’t picture. feeling awkward and timid when he walked past you or your eyes connected. 

the trip was last minute, you didn’t plan to go if it wasn’t your friend insisting you went since she would be alone. you didn’t want to go, it meant you would have to see trent after you avoided him since he confessed his feelings to you. 

trent wasn’t one to speak much. always reserved and kept to himself, a completely different person on the pitch and in real life. but with you, he felt he could speak for hours about everything, not once get tired of it. you let him be the person he would’ve never pictured to be. 

what went wrong? 

he knew you from the back of your hand. needed to keep yourself busy in order to survive. an almost graduate from uni and working at your dream internship. a small volunteer worker just outside the city. 

he knew when you lied, scrunching your eyes brows and hands twitching. he knew when you felt happy, the small wrinkles and dimples popping on your face. he knew you were upset when you bit your lip and unfocused around your surroundings. 

trent knew you felt the same way he did but this time he couldn’t properly read you, left hurt and confused by your manner. “i’m in love you with y/n… i’ve never felt like this for anyone before. and it feels so right when i’m here, with you.” 

his brows drew in when your smile slowly dropped, pulling your hands back and cleared your throat. “trent…” you whispered, you clenched your jaw unsure of what to say. “i need time to think of this. i-i-i just don’t know what to say…” you stood up and grabbed your coat. 

“say you love me back,” trent prayed in his head, watching you stumble around to retrieve your belongings. “what do you mean? i confess how i feel and you’re running away?” 

“i need time to think. this is all so sudden, and i don’t want to pressure either of us. or give us false hope,” you smiled trying to reason and not break his heart. but trent’s heart broke, a millions thoughts racing in his head and the idea of not being enough tracing back. 

he fluttered his lashes and painfully smiled, was he about to cry? is this what pain felt like? a stab in the heart, millions of needles poking in his chest as his hands fisted. “well you know the way out…” trent motioned with his hand, walking to the side to let you go. 

you approached him, having the urge to explain why you said what you said, but he walked back. tears came out your eyes, knowing you hurt the man you loved in front of you. “trent,” you croaked, but he just shook his head. 

“don’t.” 

not a single soul knew of the two of you. a private secret. he wanted to protect you from his hectic world. and you wanted to have something genuine and real. you had something real. had. but like always you ruined it. like every person who walked into your life, leaving because you were scared. 

trent was straight forward with you. always communicating with you. the only person you found yourself lurking to at the end of the day. his touch lingering on you ever when you weren’t together. the way he smiled made your heart heat up and your hands slightly tremble. 

you didn’t deserve him. you were a broken person. afraid of committing. you were afraid of love. the idea of falling for a person, so hopelessly devoted to them, and in the end for it to not work out. you easily got attached, and it wasn’t any different with trent. 

trent had a way different life than yours. lights, money, women, his job, all shining on him wherever he went. he had a family, friends, a base supporting him, while you it was just your sister and trio. he constantly reminded you he wasn’t the person in the papers, which was true. 

he valued you. he trusted you. he confided in you. he respected you. he loved you. why couldn’t you just allow yourself to be with him? why did it feel hard to finally accept and take the leap of faith and be with the man who has ever truly loved you? 

you were stressed. constantly turning in your sleep. eyes closing but your head refusing for you to sleep. chest rising and falling as you listened quietly to the rain fall. the sheets barely covering your body, and the pillow feeling less fluffy and now hot. with a small groan you stood up, the time reading almost 4 am. 

you tipped tied downstairs. walking by the room your friends and his friends were occupied in. the thunder and lightning shining in the open and clear windows. you opened the cabinet and grabbed a glass, pouring cold water to relieve your dry throat. 

you closed your eyes, hands gripping the counter as you felt goosebumps suddenly rise. “couldn’t sleep?” you gasped quietly, the glass slowly tipping before quickly catching it and standing up straight. trent stood there, bags under his eyes, lips pursed with his arms crossed. muscles flexed under the loose black tee he wore with his black calvin klein boxers. 

“something like that,” you said, averting your gaze, hand coming up to brush your skin or maybe the nerves away. he stepped closer, inspecting you, noticing you were wearing the small black shirt he owned with your batman themed shorts. “same. couldn’t sleep with all the noise outside…” trent confessed, also grabbing a cold glass of water. 

you went quiet. the feeling of guilt consuming your insides as you kept asking yourself if this was truly happening. you couldn’t stop staring, savouring maybe the last few glances in case it would be the last. trying to make a mental imprint of the moles you traced while he slept, the small scar under his brow, his lips. 

your throat went dry again, but this time the cold glass of water wasn’t going to help, the only thing that could was finally take that leap and let him out of misery for the two of you. “trent…” you said softly, hearing him and finally connecting eyes. 

“don’t you think i deserve an explanation?” he asked with a sad smile. you bit your lip and nodded. “yes you do. and i’m willing to explain everything, but i understand if it’s too late,” you respected his feelings knowing he deserved this but also not wanting to push him to the limit. 

“i love you. i do. so much. i need you to know that before i start saying anything,” his eyes widened a bit, mouth opened to say something but you shushed him. “for once in my life, i can’t let you or us go. i made the mistake that night and i beat myself for it. not only did i hurt you in the process but also the idea of us.” 

“i’m scared,” you teared, smiling. “it’s scary to feel this way. to have my heart racing when i hear your name, our song, your voice. love to me always felt like a joke or fantasy. love is about letting someone know your map of flaws and imperfections. to fully be vulnerable.” 

“love with you though? is like a dream come true. you understand me more than i understand myself. you saw me for who i am and not the person i put myself to be. you love me at my prettiest and also lowest. you hold me close, kiss my forehead, and use those words of reassurance i need to hear and always believe.” 

“i love when you sleep next to me, where i get to stare at the prettiest man on earth as you sleep. i love to see your smile get bigger when i tell you about the kids at my volunteer work or my jokes. i love to sit with you at the end of the day and allow me to hear about your job and family. to see the flowers you send or bring when i see you. trent i love you, so much.” 

“i’m scared to lose you. to lose the only person i’ve let into my life this close,” you shrugged smiling painfully, holding yourself tighter as you wiped your tears away. you hear his footsteps approach, sobbing quietly when he pulls you closer to him, his hand brushing your head, feeling his lips kiss your temple. the longing feeling replaced with warmth and safety. 

your skin becoming hot and getting rid of the cold goosebumps and chilling feeling in your chest. you kiss his chest, tip toeing up as you continue to trace his neck and jaw, his cheeks with kisses mixed with your tears. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry trent,” you apologised, your hand gripping his bicep. 

“stop. don’t torture yourself anymore. let me hold you. let me feel you. it’s just you and me, okay? shhhh,” he hushed you, repeating his same movements to help you calm down. you sniffled, pulling back slightly after a minute. “i deserve you. i love you, and your imperfections and flaws. for allowing me to become the man i wished and longed to be.” 

“please don’t push me away anymore. you aren’t ever going to lose me, because what we have is eternal. your love to me is a safe space, the world and women i dreamed of having and i finally have it now. it’s you, always will be you baby,” he brushed your tears away, feeling your lips kiss his wrist and hand, losing himself in your eyes. 

“i love every single part of you.” 

the chilling counter made you hold trent tighter while laughing, feeling and hearing his deep chuckle as his hands traced your thighs. “are you ready now?” he asked, kissing your collarbone. “more than ready,” you said, officially taking the leap of faith. 

he sighed and let his shoulders fall in a relaxed manner and smiling, watching as his eyes closed and lashes touched his upper cheeks. “trent look at me…” he stood up and grabbed your chin, “i love you,” you felt the need to say to confirm your feelings and his. “i love you, pretty girl,” his nose nuzzled into your neck, tracing all the way up to your cheek. 

you sealed the night with the anticipated kiss. getting the blood rush through your veins, as you fully focused on him. his lips feeling like home. his fingers bringing your face closer to his and getting lost in the way he devoured you. not in a rushed or hard manner, in a passionate and loving way. 

“my girl officially.” 

[soobnny]

to be human — han jisung. roommate au. friends to lovers. kind of comfort fic. supernatural au.

your shapeshifter friend forgets how to turn back into a human and has a crisis. inspired by this artwork. (~1k words)

“Jisung?”

It’s quiet in your apartment where Jisung would usually blast music. It’s strange to be greeted by silence instead, a little concerning even.

“Ji?” You try calling out again, stepping cautiously inside as you briefly draw your eyes to each room in search of your roommate.

“I’m in here.” Jisung’s voice has a tone of dejection to it as he replies to you from the bathroom. Grogginess indicative of exhaustion and resignation.

You know something’s wrong.

When he hears your footsteps padding towards where he is, his tone shifts to one of panic. “Please don’t come in.”

You already know why.

“Jisung, I’m not scared of you.” The door creeks open when you enter, and Jisung is still hidden in the bathtub behind drawn out shower curtains.

He doesn’t want you to see him like this.

You know he startles easily in this state, so you do your best to keep your footsteps light, actions gentle as you peel back the shower curtain and step into the tub with him. One leg after the other. It’s small, doesn’t really fit the two of you — you press your knees to your chest in trial of a solution so you can give him more space in the tub.

A minute goes by.

“How many eyes do I have?” He squeaks, not being able to take the silence, and it’s a sign that it’s okay for you to look at him. Locking eyes with his form, you briefly scan his features, not dwelling too hard on anything. You know he wouldn’t want that.

You count in your head. One. Two. Three… “Uh, seven?”

“Just pick one to focus on.” You listen to him, eyes focused on the one of his eyes. He looks so small like this, despite doubling in his usual size, and you know cogs are turning in his brain (if he even had one). It’s been a while since he’s been stuck outside of his human form.

“How are you feeling?”

“Okay.”

“Are you in pain?”

“A bit.” The pained way he speaks is so close to human emotion that it shatters you. “I’m sorry you have to see me this way.”

“You are still my friend, you know?” You try to speak with comfort. You know he needs it the most. You hope to cement in him that what he looked like didn’t matter to you — just that, at the end of the day, it was still him behind all the masks he puts on.

He scoffs. “Not looking like… this.”

“That doesn’t matter. It’s still you, isn’t it?”

A heartbeat passes. Yours. He simply sits in silence to process your words. You wonder what he’s thinking of.

“I guess.” You smile at his response. It visibly calms him down. “Oh, by the way, I got you something.”

You grab the backpack you had dropped just beside the tub. It’s his, had given it to you months ago, and there’s a picture of the two of you in the form of a keychain hanging by the zipper.

“I know you technically don’t need to eat anything but… I remember you said you really liked this when you were still human.”

It’s cheesecake wrapped in plastic, and if Jisung had a heart, he’s convinced it would be beating twice the normal rate.

You’re right, he doesn’t need to eat, but he will save it as something to remember this moment by.

“I hope it helps you remember being… you.” You place it on the space between the two of you in the tub. He’ll grab it later. There’s something else in his mind.

“Where did you get that?” Jisung questions, eyes fixated on something else entirely.

“Oh, just the bakery I pass on the way to uni.”

“No, the picture.”

“The picture?” You look down at where he’s looking. Your keychain.

“This? I always carry it on me.” You show it to him proudly. A memory passes in his head. He doesn’t remember much, but he does remember being happy the day that picture was taken.

“You do…?” You hum to confirm his inquiry. Silence washes over, and just as quick as it comes, it’s ripped away by sniffling coming from Jisung’s end.

He doesn’t cry, but it looks like he’s about to.

“Give me your hand.” You demand, though tone gentle in case he didn’t wanna be touched.

“What? No.” He’s still sniffling.

“I want to hold it.”

This time, he blinks. All seven of his eyes. Flashes of him attempting to hold your hand before, all in vain.

“Since when do you like holding hands?”

“Since now.” You mumble. Your hand is outstretched, just waiting for him to take it if he wanted.

Long sharp nails greet you, and you have to use both of your hands to hold his one properly. For a second, you feel a spark of life when your hands meet.

He feels it too.

“We’ll get through this together, okay?” Jisung lets you hold his hand. He’s looking at you now, less afraid of himself and how he looks. It’s quiet here with you, isn’t so loud. He could get used to this.

His fingers curl around your hand, completely swallowing it by the sheer size of his. Your whole hand fits in his. It feels nice. Warm in comparison to the cold he feels in this state.

“Okay.” Jisung’s tone is softer now.

It’s easier to remember what feeling human is like with you. He wonders if the unidentifiable feeling he gets when you’re with him is something he had felt back when he had a beating heart.

Wonders if the way he felt when he saw the picture you keep of the two of you mean anything to his humanness. Does it count for something if he wants to keep holding your hand every day after today?

Jisung doesn’t breathe, doesn’t bleed, doesn’t need to consume anything to survive — but he’s capable of loving, and that makes him human enough.

[deesseshesca]

Message from your spirit guide

Message from your spirit team

 Just a head up …. We love you 

Good afternoon, pretty souls, today I’m channeling your spirit guides. 

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

TW: DV, MENTION OF ABUSE 

PILE 1

You go ahead and purchase that Cartier bracelet that is not going to destroy your hard work. Make sure you wear it at the baby shower. We know how much you pray for your sister  regarding her fertility issue, your niece\nephew is on his/her way. And we are as excited as you. Don’t you dare overthink your body right now. You look amazing. Everyone is telling you so you better believe them. Ok you may not be at your dream weight but babe you must agree that you never looked so good. You better show off ! You told the whole truth and will be rewarded. I know you were scared to say it all because you felt like you messed up somewhere which is ok but that does not mean you deserve it. Yes, you agree to be in a relationship with him. But you did not agree to the mental abuse. You did not agree to the constant yelling, the name calling and disrespect. You did not sign for physical abuse. Whether or not you orgasm or not doesn't matter, if you did not want to do it, then nah. He did IN FACT abuse you. Let’s forget the couple slap here and there and the punches on the wall. People from his family want to drag you but everyone knows you are a good woman and did not deserve anything you were thru. We know it was an extremely stressful moment for you, but now you can sit back and relax. Everyone is congratulating you right now. Even the people on the street can’t wait but to compliment you on your glowing skin and amazing sense of style. But we know that it has been months, even years in the making. You decide to stand up when you had nothing but faith in YOU. The days that you had to stick to your diet. Stop eating your feelings. All the time you had to stick to a budget, so you can have this financial security. The hard work you did in uni so you can get the degree that got you this amazing job. Nothing grew overnight. Success looks so good on you ! The odd thing is you want more . You can see it because of the upgrade in your wallet. You went from fast food, to a five star restaurant.  You went from exam week to working in big cooperatives. But yet you want more. There are days where you feel so happy and extremely grateful for what you have but other times you fall into deep depression because you want more from life. People around you don’t get it. ‘’You went from HELL to HEAVEN’’. Not quite. There’s more for you out here. And your soul knows it and calls for it. So let’s do it. Don't let the doubtful people stop you. The success that you have at the moment, you did on your own. With very little support. So, what if you want more ? Go get it ! Stop waiting for validation when you are the standard. 

You are all about you right now. Focus on the future that you want for yourself. But people around you are calling selfish. I’m hearing ‘’ Why are you acting brand new ? Why are you so Hollywood all of the sudden ?’’. But you know better than to give those comments your attention. 

You may be a lawyer. Or a future one. You may want to start grad school. 

Advice from me : You don’t need a tower moment to know when a season is finished. If you want, go get it. That’s it, that’s all. 

What it is- Doochii

BIG SALE (CAD$)

General: 22 $

Love : 33 $

Mystery: 41 $

Message me to have the whole run down, ONLY 3 SPOTS (ONE OF EACH)

PILE 2

We heard you… We heard you but are you telling them Always talking in front of the mirror what you are going to tell them. To tell them to fuck off. Tell them they got you fucked up. But nah. You know better. They know better. That’s why they are always coming back because you never switch up. They did. They switch is not just in your head. They are abusing you and anybody with critical thinking can see it from a continent way. I know it may not look like it in 3D but you are actually doing it. Ok you may not have the greatest grade. Ok you may not have the richest boyfriend. Ok your business is not making a milli a year . But let me remind you who the fuck you is. Nobody's surprised when you succeed because you always do. That’s why when you fail or struggle you get way more reaction since they wish upon you. But everyone knows that you are way better than them. They laugh because you don’t have the greatest grade. You are literally in one of the hardest programs. They are making fun of you while they did not even make it to uni. They are making fun of your man for not having extremely abundant funds. Not knowing the way he wakes you up with grateful text all the time, gives the best orgasm, even when he is mad, never raises his voice, always opens the doors for you, will not go to sleep without calling you, will literally throw  his whole life away just to see you smile. And he is ACTUALLY studying in a very rewarding and respectful major. Like c’mon. Those girls are out here messing with men for some cash while having a side of beating, cheating and sprinkles of hella disrespect. Literally   begging to be heard. While he's literally blowing your phone when he is with his friend because he can’t have enough of you. Your business went from being an idea to making weekly orders. They don’t even have a business. I don’t even think they have an IDEA to bring to life. Except they mean remarks and mean mug face. Since it kills them to see you win all their life, they prefer to wish for your downfall. Instead of asking for advice, lord know you would have given them some. Really girl, they wish they were you. They will accept to change life with you quicker than then their men can last, if God ask them. Why are killing yourself to impress them ? It hurts to see you go the extra mile for people that would rather see you die than to help you. Out here giving your last cent to that one annoying friend that humiliates you in front of everyone. Out here helping your mom knowing them well that she would never nurture you, even if Jesus ask her ? You don’t have nothing to prove to those people, because you are not on the same level as them. So let’s get it together and move on. They are mad at you because you are actually working towards your dream life. They thought you would stay miserable with them forever, but you know better. So YOU did better. If they mad about it let them. They were not there, when you overthink every move, when you were uncertain, when you could not sleep because of anxiety and  when you would crash on your bed completely exhausted without real result but your dreams to motivate you to keep going. Do us a favor and act like the queen that you are. 

You have a habit of loud outbursts of energy when something excites you. You give me the vibe that look like Jade (aesthetic) but act like Cat from Victorious. 

You have been putting yourself out here. The fact that you are surprise by your success get me. People been waiting for you. I feel like you think you don’t deserve it, but all your customers are more than happy. They never had such a good product. I’m hearing this is the best _$ , I spend in my life’’. In school you said you will have a academic comeback and babe YOU DID ! Plus you have a man that is sweeter than anything. Literally goes to the gym, work, study and lives to love you. (Man does he love you) 

Rules - Doja Cat

BIG SALE (CAD$)

General: 22 $

Love : 33 $

Mystery: 41 $

Message me to have the whole run down ONLY 3 SPOTS (ONE OF EACH)

PILE 3 

We are behind you no matter what. But there's nothing we can do if you don’t act on it. You've been through a hard divorce with a very awful man. Intense narcissistic behavior. He made you believe in all his promises. You don’t have to explain yourself, we saw it coming. We also know that he was a fine con. He was all right at first. Everything a woman could wish for you got it emotionally and materially . People around you saw you guys as the ultimate couple goals. But he was hiding dark intentions. Disrespecting on a daily basis, humiliating a front of his colleague and requesting from you absolute submission and sexual intercourse when he felt like it. When you try to live you fear for your life with good reasons. You are a victim of military men. But you are not a victim of life. He mess you up so much, that your belief system is constant bad self talk. You don’t trust yourself with any decision even regarding that divorce. Knowing damn well he treated you like a piss of shit. How many times did he hold a gun at you ? How many time has he choke you ? How many times has he threatened to kill you, if you ever refuse to listen to him? Good looks and a good d were not good enough and will never be enough to deal with a deranged man.  Now, finally divorce, he is going around calling you cheater when you never did. Not that you never wanted too. Sometime you wanted im to feel as fuck as you did. But were too afraid of the repercussions. You literally have medical proof of STD’s he gave you. But God was he slick with it. Never laying hands on you but destroying everything around you. Never telling what to do or not do. Just warning you of how he would react if you did not act like he wanted. Never telling you he was cheating, just told you he needed space or asking for a threesome. Now here you are, years later. You rebuild your life on your own, brick by brick. Boundaries stronger than ever. You thought you over the self sabotage but damn is it biting you right back in front of that new man. The man of your dream. Is this one the real deal ? Or is it a trap ? You can’t take another heartbreak. But he is everything you need. There is a block coming from you. You know you are the problem. He knows you have a blockage that you are terrified to reveal and swear he will wait for you. Is that not something your ex-husband used to say before it all went south ? How can you actually trust your judgment with this one? Imagine if you are stopping him  from meeting the real one while he falls for the mess you are in. Please set yourself free. You got your divorce, you went to therapy, you develop strong boundaries but yet you are still bound to the past. You made a mistake, like all humans do. You deserve good things to happen to you. You have a way better judgment now than you did back then. Now, you actually know how to recognize a monster. You know damn well it ain’t him. Go for it, you deserve it. If it is too scary, set the pace, I swear he ain’t going anywhere. 

SELF SABOTAGE 

I was never there - Weeknd

BIG SALE (CAD$)

General: 22 $

Love : 33 $

Mystery: 41 $

Message me, to have the whole run down. ONLY 3 SPOT (ONE OF EACH)

PILE 4

There’s a lot of things we don’t understand about you. Your love for rap music and obsession with Nicki Minaj. We don't understand that you love to learn everything and anything. We don’t understand half of the things you chat about regarding chemistry, physics or whatever other science took over your heart. But we LOVE YOU SO MUCH. We support you every step of the way ! We can’t not wait for you to have that damn degree in science that makes you cry on school night but brings a sparkle in your eyes the second a person asks you a question about it. Sometimes we push random people around you to ask about the likelihood of a cell in a decade body or something like that so we can hear you speak for hours. It gives you a glow. You aura shine so bright when you are in the lab. Even your teachers are in awe of your dedication. I know you keep reminiscing about the good old times. When having A’s in your fav subject was as easy as closing your eyes. Now you spend hours just to understand one slide in the professor PowerPoint. It is useless to beat yourself up. You are deepening your understanding about one subject at the moment. It is ok if some parts of it are harder to understand than others. I must warn you it will not be easy. You will spend more time in the library than with your friends. You will spend most of your time in the school year stuck in your room away from your loving family. But don’t hurt yourself with guilt. We are not taking your disappearance as any form of disrespect. We are so supportive of you. We never knew such a beautiful bundle of joy and knowledge would ever be born in our lineage. You know, we are a family of lawyers, business man, psychologist and philosoĥer. Your parents may not get half of that you're saying. Your brother may roll his eyes sometimes when you go on about one specific detail that sparks your interest but they are all amazing by the way your brain works. Let me tell you this, you will succeed. You will get it. We will be waiting at the finish line, with flowers and gifts to celebrate the day you will be walking on the podium. As proud as you, because we know how much work you put into every step of the way. The lonely nights, the hard exam and way too big project . Also stop procrastinating and start developing some discipline. You are not here to succeed in your exam but to prepare for your future career. Is time to build some stamina.Don’t worry, I PROMISE YOU: NOTHING BAD IS COMING YOUR WAY. It may get a little gray here and there but we are protecting you from any evil. You can calm your anxiety and enjoy the journey. I won't let ANYONE get in the way of my favorite prodigy. You may not be realizing it but are living in one of your prayers. 

I LOVE YOUR SPIRIT FAMILY. GOD ! They are amazed by you. Literally anything you do is an event that needs to be accelerated. Since you first breath they were going coco about you.  I had a clear image about your spirit team. I see 3 chair. A lot of wealth around them. One of the chairs is a throne where an older man sits in power. He was the one speaking but everyone else shared that feeling. 

So high - Doja Cat

BIG SALE (CAD$)

General: 22 $

Love : 33 $

Mystery: 41 $

Message me to have the whole run down. ONLY 3 SPOTS (ONE OF EACH)

[ryuttaeng]

popular!yeji hcs

popular!yeji is so barbie coded it’s insane! (i suggest listen to barbie girl covered by little big) always so elegant and insanely beautiful, sometimes you just can’t take your eyes off of her and i don’t blame you. honestly speaking, everyone’s gazes in uni are all for yeji only and she loves it.

alongside being popular she’s also so sweet??? you stereotypically thought she’s so mean and rude as almost every popular girl is but her personality surprised you, making you even more curious about yeji.

her outfits matched her personality as well. she’s so pretty it makes you gasp every time you see her walking past you and she honestly just naturally looks very appealing. you always have to be sure that your friends are beside you to return you back to earth from your thoughts 😭😭, “y/n, stop staring at yeji, it makes you weird.” “yeji is so pretty today!” “y/n, you said the same thing yesterday…”

she also has perfect grades and she never skips classes or lectures and it amazes you. how can be someone so perfect?? but oh, if you weren’t so shy, you would’ve approached yeji since day one and have at least title of acquaintances but you were just her course mate. but if you only knew that yeji noticed you since day one 😭😭😭. she would briefly mention you with her friends and praise you!!! “don’t you think y/n is acting kinda weird?” “no? i think it’s cute.”

the first time you will speak to each other will be actually so awkward and embarrassing it would actually leave you on verge of tears 😭😭. you hurriedly run to the changing room to get changed for p.e. but your thoughts are cut off by the suddenly opened door to girls changing room which makes you fall on the floor 😭. yeji audibly gasps, immediately coming to you as her hand carefully moves to your head, checking if you’re injured. you groan, tears are forming from the pain and yeji’s hand is on your forehead, “oh my god, i’m so sorry, y/n! are you feeling okay?? i mean- well, oh, obviously you’re not okay… are you with me?” she’s so nervous and so scared for you it’s actually makes you smile a little because she’s so cute 😭😭. and after that you both sit in changing room, you with ice pack pressed to your forehead and yeji nervously fidgeting her fingers, trying to come up with some conversation topic. and she does come up with something! “i’m yeji.” she blurts out, moving her hand towards you for a handshake 😭😭😭

i also see her kinda loser coded… yeji was really scared to make a first move despite the fact that she’s so popular around university, but hey, at least she spoke to you first. obviously, she feels differently around her friends but with you??? girl goes speechless whenever she sees you around. but she’s also very eager to hang out with her friends and she’s the one who mostly enjoys talking about things in the group. i wouldn’t call her shy, she’s definitely extroverted but when she sees person she’s interested in, she’s just 😳🤭🧍🏻‍♀️.

popular!yeji as your girlfriend hcs

[planetpedri]

Softly — Leandro Trossard.

Pairing: Leandro Trossard x Fem!Reader

Summary: You wake to the smell of your best friend making you breakfast, a normal routine when he visits. If only you knew it would take one tiny accident for the two of you to get out what you’ve been trying to do for years.

Word count: 983

Disclaimer/s: none, just pure fluff!

A/N: This one’s for all my babygirls(angie)… i see you ladies(angie).. i’m lurkin(freaking).. and im stalking(ur reposts).. when you least expect it(its very evident i tell u every time)…

The smell of freshly cooking bacon wafted throughout your small apartment on the outskirts of Brussels. You’d lived in the city since you were a fresh adult, while starting Uni and hadn’t moved since.

The only difficult part, was the distance it put between you and your best friend, Leo. When he’d moved away for career purposes, you were stuck in Belgium. Although, he did try to visit as much as possible.

Today was during one of those visits. In which, he had always stayed at your place. And every morning, you would wake up to the smell of him cooking breakfast.

Exiting your bedroom with a smile on your face, you shuffle your way into the kitchen. The smell hitting your nostrils in the most heavenly way.

“Leoooo.” You sighed out, accidentally startling him in the process.

“Christ!” He grumbles, “you scared me.”

You laugh, waving away his still wide-eyed state. “Sorry to interrupt, just cannot fathom how good this smells.” Walking toward the stove, your eyes flutter shut. “Maybe I do need to move to the UK.”

Leandro, admiring the way you looked in the morning light, hums softly. “Please do.”

Taking a few steps back so the man could take the pieces of bacon off the pan, you nod thoughtfully. “Unfortunately, moving to a whole ‘nother country for a friend wouldn’t make a very good reason on my resignation letter.”

Rolling his eyes, Leandro moves to open the waffle maker, diligently taking them out one by one. “Just say you’re getting married or something.” He kids, turning to you with a teasing look.

You loved moments like this, when he was more playful than serious. It was a moment just like this, all those years ago, that made you realize you were deeply in love with him.

“Yeah? And who would I be marrying?” You quirk an eyebrow, taking a plate from the newly cleaned stack before handing it to him.

Leandro begins his process of making you a traditional Belgian waffle as he speaks, “well, me of course?”

It was a joke, of course it was. But that didn’t stop your stomach from flipping. Before you know it, you’re speaking again. “Ah, my childhood dreams of our marriage, finally fulfilled?”

You’d mean’t that to come out as a joke, but the way his gaze landed on you, his lips tugged into a lopsided grin, eyes twinkling in the light, oh you’d really meant it.

“You dreamt about that?” He asks, his voice still laced with humor, but with a little bit of something you couldn’t quite place. Something a little more.. wishful.

Cheeks burning a light shade of red, you shrug, trying to find a way to play it off. “Don’t let that get to your head.”

He finishes the waffle, adding a few extra strawberries on the side just the way you liked. “It already has, sorry.” Leandro hands you the plate, his face amused as he watches your eyes roll.

Taking the plate, you tense at the sudden flesh to flesh contact, your hands then failing to grip the plate once his pull away.

A loud shattering sound making the both of you jump back, “shit!” You grumble, slouching down to pick up some of the pieces, only for them to be swatted away.

“Don’t!” Leandro snaps, “don’t touch them, you might get cut.” He softens his voice, concern etched across his face as he swiftly moved to grab a broom from the pantry.

While he sweeps it up, you watch with a from. “Sorry, all that hard work and I drop it.”

“It’s okay,” he sighs, eyes flickering up at you. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yeah, why?” Your eyebrows furrow.

“You just seemed a little tense thats all,” he shrugs it off, dumping the contents into the garbage before putting the broom away.

You—still upset— hadn’t noticed he’d made his way over to you. “Don’t worry about it… i’ll make you more. It’s no trouble.” He reassures, his hands holding your biceps with a comforting squeeze.

“I know, I just feel bad.” You pout, eyes meeting his.

His eyes. His dark raccoon-eque dark circles, which only seemed to lighten when during his bi-monthly visits.

Leandro chuckles, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “I’d make you a dozen waffles, don’t worry about one. It probably wasn’t that good anyways.”

You pull away from his touch for a second, examining his face. You were certain in that moment, you had never loved him so much.

“I love you.” You blurt out, eyebrows scrunching together.

“I know.” Leandro lets out a breathy laugh, “I love you too.” His hands drop from your arms to his side, already walking back toward the ingredients to make more waffles.

You purse your lips. “No, Leo.” You huff, “I love you.”

He pauses, turning around. “I know, and I said—“

“No, i’m in love with you.”

You said it. After nearly ten years of loving him, so silently, so passionately, you’d finally just said it. And he was quiet. Probably stunned, probably in disbelief.

“And, I said I love you too.” He finally speaks, taking painfully slow strides back toward you.

“Yeah, but I—“

“But nothing.” Leandro tilts his head to the side, his hand coming to rest on your cheek, a feeling you welcome. “I love you, too.”

“Oh.” You blink, subconsciously leaning into his touch, “oh..?”

You two stand like that for a moment, reveling in the moment. An unspoken understanding passing between you in that moment, with you simply reveling in the fact that you’d spent ten long years loving him in silence when the whole time, he’d loved you right back.

You don’t comprehend it when his lips touch yours for the first time, it’s a soft peck. A small, tender act of affection that made your heart do summersaults. Smiling, you press your lips back into his.

DTS , @halfwayhearted & @ar4ujos . Please no comment on how ?? this is i wrote it at 4 in the morning and i have been awake for like 28 hours straight now so…

[holymountdias]

Love triangle pt. 1

Erling Haaland x (fem)reader, (mention of Jadon Sancho)

Summary: A past relationship of yours broke you to the point that you weren’t being yourself anymore, but what happens when your ex’s best friend takes interest in you and he helps you take revenge. Will it all be just a game for you or become more than friends?

Word count: 3.7k

Notes: angst, smut, fluff

PARTS: 1.0 2.0 3.0

You were lazily laying on your bed along with your best friend, both scrolling through your phones with no words being exchanged as you were too bored and had nothing really to talk about. The past month was only filled with stress and bad mentality as uni and life was challenging you to the fullest with the only interesting part of the day being when you were going to sleep or eat. You had no energy to go out hence why you were currently laying around on a Friday night at your house, instead of being somewhere outside “enjoying life”.

“i swear to God if i see another story of someone from our class at the club, i’m gonna go insane” you kept listening to her complaints the past hour and you only hummed uninterested in response not really taking her seriously.

You sense her eyes on you after that but you still give no reaction to it, until you feel her move around on the mattress and the next thing you know your phone disappears from your hands. You turn your head to the side to glance at your friend annoyingly only to meet with an ironic grin.

"We need to go out” she suddenly blurts out and you groan out in frustration

“ i don’t want tooo, i look and feel like shit can’t we just stay in?’’ you whine out in protest as you move to lay on your side down before closing your eyes as well.

“Noway i’m going to let you sulk in your room for the millionth time this month; besides if i remember correctly you have already been invited to some fancy ass party’’ she responds, while emphasizing the last part with a different tone.

“Its just Jadon’s birthday he won’t judge me if i don’t make an appearance and i’m pretty sure he just asked me cause he is friends with my brother and just wanted to be polite’’

“oh shut up as if he hasn’t been texting you since you two met’’ she says, making you huff out.

To be truly honest you would also like to believe your friend’s little romance scenario as well, since Jadon Sancho was one of the few people in the football field that stood out to you after meeting them.

You were introduced to him through your brother, the infamous Mason Mount, after a football match since they were both playing for the England team at that time.

You soon found yourself spending like an hour with the both of you leaning against the wall in a random corridor inside the stadium building, throwing jokes and opening up about your lives.

You ended up exchanging numbers and socials and from then on you would text each other from time to time. You didn’t know what to expect from him, after all he was a football player with a busy schedule and quite the following when it came to girls, so you just never took anything seriously that came from him; not the teasing, not the random compliments when you posted a story on your ig, not the time he asked you to hang out that you might or might not rejected cause you were scared that he just wanted you for sex; quite the frequent habit for all the footballers but you weren’t up for that. Not after what happened with him. So in other words even if he indeed was interested in you at first he couldn’t still be after all this time, right?

“If you met him too you would know he is friendly to everyone” you open your eyes to look at her seriously and she just smiles devilishly at you.

“Well if it won’t be about Jadon tonight, i’m sure Erling will be, he will be there right??” she asks persistently.

“probably…”

“Perfect” she speaks loudly and gets off the bed quickly heading towards your closet.

“Y/F/N NO’’ you try to protest but with no results as she looks determined to get you ready for the party tonight.

“ok so dress or skirt?”

You sit up in your bed before brushing your hand through your hair in frustration. 

��I seriously don’t want to see him.”

“fuck….faster..”

He started thrusting in faster at once as his grip around your hips tightened, almost making it hurt. The combination of pain and pleasure made your pussy pulse around him and you heard him let out a groan in reaction.

You kept moving your hands in front of you on top of the vanity as if you were trying to get away; your mind was driven by the ecstasy while your eyes were closed and your mouth slightly open as quite whimpers kept escaping from you.

Suddenly you felt his upper front being pressed against your back as he leant his face down, resting it beside your face, his mouth touching your ear while his breaths brushed against it.

“Look at the mirror baby”

You obeyed to his words and first thing you saw is his darken gaze on you, how he eyed you like a starved animal and you were his prey. His thrusts slowed down but you felt his whole body moving against your body in such way that he somehow hit deeper inside you. You were so turned on, that your whimpers became loud moans but were quickly muffled by Erling’s hand as he covered your mouth with it.

“shut up”

Your lower back arched as you felt his other hand grabbing your ass and then spanking it a few times, his face once again turned towards your face, close to your ear as he kept talking dirty to you.

“do you want to get us caught baby? do you want all the people in the house to come and see what a slut you are for me? how much you love my cock and fuck you with it? hmm?”

His voice was driving you wild, making you tilt your head from the back to the side, your eyes closed once again, as he traced his mouth lower towards your neck, slightly sucking on it.

You could sense your climax nearing but he already knew that by how much your walls were tightening around him so he moved his hand around you, placing his long fingers on top of your clit as he started playing with it while his thrusts turned into pounding.

“Cum for me baby” 

Your body automatically started shaking from your intense orgasm but he kept holding you close to his body til you were calm again but right afterwards his own orgasm started coming through, since your climax triggered his too.

You knew this man for a about 5 months and he somehow managed to have you wrapped up around him with his generous, charming and affectionate character and of course his handsome looks.

Damn everybody could see how much different he was compared to all those snobbish and stuck up footballers and you admired that for him. You first met him at a club where your dearest brother held a party for his birthday celebration and couldn’t you have thanked him enough.

You kept throwing glances at each other from afar but none of you actually came up to introduce yourselves until it was time for you to leave but your ride had ditched you up for someone else and what more perfect time for him to appear like your prince, offering you a safe ride home.

Now in a normal occasion you wouldn’t accept because obviously, stranger danger, but you were slightly drunk and your mind was driven with interest to get to know this man. So you did and it was great and you thought that you would never regret it til you did…Long story short after the ride he asked for your number to your surprise and you did give him it.

There was so much attraction between you two that quickly turned into sexual tension and soon enough you would both be testing it out. You never really discussed about labels but he treated you in such a way that he made it seem as if he was serious.

He took you out on dates, gave you his flannel, invited you to his matches to watch him playing, he would take care of you in every way possible. And of course everything in secret from the public and your brother and everyone else from your inside circle.

Basically you were the only ones who knew. So here you were at your brother’s house that he held a party at and you were fucking in one of his bathrooms behind everyone’s back. And everything was perfect or so you thought..

He slowly pulled out of you but the motion still managed to take your breath away for a second as you adapted back to the emptiness inside you.

You turned around to stand against the vanity with your hands behind your back, to watch him as he cleaned himself up and discharged the condom away.

Right when he was done, he turned to look at you with a small grin on his face, before he came to stand right in front you, bending his body towards you with his hands gripping the counter behind, cornering you in between them.

“Hopefully nobody heard you or else i’m gonna have to deal with your brother”, he joked and you rolled your eyes; the corners of your mouth turning up.

“First of all there is a whole party going downstairs and secondly i wasn’t that loud Haaland”

“Is that so baby?”He whispered after he leaned closer above your face.

Your height difference had you tilting your head slightly backwards to look at him straight through his blue eyes with as much confidence as you could master up without getting flustered like a high school girl.

“Yes” you slowly muttered with your gaze fixed on his as if you were put under a spell, your pupils were dilated as you were filled in with lust once again and he loved it.

No matter how many times he would ruin you, you would still come back for more and couldn’t he be more happy to comply to your wish.

He shifted his hand right under your chin and raised your face towards his, your lips were so close that were almost brushing, but never touching and to your frustration that’s where he paused.

He just continued to observe you, looking at every little detail on your face, from your wet lips, to your rosy cheeks, to your sparkling eyes, to your messy hair. There was not a single thing he disliked on you, in fact he could see himself being with you in the feature as well but right now he knew the truth and the truth hurt.

His face frowned slightly for a mile second and that got you intrigued in what he possibly could be thinking.“What?” you questioned quietly snapping him out of his train of thoughts.

He just shook his head instead initiating that it was nothing, but before you could ask him again he closed the gap between you, pecking your lips gently as the palm of his hand cupped the side of your face.

“We should go” he muttered after a minute, shaking you out of your zone and you pouted in a teasing way in your effort to get him to change his mind. You had been in this bathroom for about half an hour and you knew that he was right, if you wanted to keep people out of suspicion, but it was getting hard for you sometimes to keep acting like strangers.

A corner of his mouth lifted as he reacted with amusement to your childlike way to convince him otherwise, but he just pecked your lips one last time before he started getting ready to leave and that seems like that was your answer.

A sigh of disappointment escaped you which gained you a chuckle from him but nonetheless you slowly started dressing back up ass well.

Just before he could open the door to go, your words stopped him in his tracks.

“When do you think we can tell the others?” he shifted around to look at you as you spoke again “You know…about us?” you stared at him; your eyes burning with both hope and anxiety for what his response was gonna be.

“Look i think we should keep it low for a little while more” you instantly felt your chest falling to your stomach, as your hopes crashed to the ground, your brows furrowed while sadness overcame you.

Instantly bad thoughts started filling in your mind like, was he not feeling the same? did he intend to have you hidden until he grew tired of you? were you just a plaything for him after all? His form standing right in front you had you snapped out of your thoughts; he picked up your face by the chin to make you look at him.

“Hey, stop thinking too much about it, i just- i just have a lot on my plate..with the team right now and bringing you to the public won’t be very helpful for me, like people are gonna start attacking you and then there is Mason, its juts not..easy right now.”

You nodded repeatedly as you tried to look understanding to what he told you while you forced your face to relax from your previous sad expression.

“No i get it, its a whole process and i can’t give you that kind of pressure right now.” You assured him and he just smiled at you affectionately. “You are not giving me any pressure baby, we are in this together alright?” you hummed in response and after he gave you a soft kiss on the cheek, he finally exited the room.

Once the door was closed you let out a sight of disappointment but also regret before brushing your fingers through your hair and taking a sit on the side of the bathtub, hanging your head low; your mind deep in thought once again.

On one side what he said made sense like your situation was not as easy and that could also be because of who your brother was but at the same time you couldn’t help but feel a bit sad that he didn’t want to take the next step and regret for even asking him for it in the first place. The last thing you wanted was to keep him out of focus from his job.

“Look i know what happened, but it needs to stop affecting you whenever you see him. Especially when there will always be a chance of you two coming across each other because of your brother.

So..” she picks up a satin dress from the hangers of your closet and shows it off to you, initiating for you to take it. “dress up girlie.”

No matter how much you wanted to protect your own feelings you know she is right and it is probably about time for you to move on, so what better sweet time to do it. You drag yourself clumsily from the bed and after your best friend gives you a heads up you take the dress from her to start preparing.

After you left the bathroom, you found yourself chatting with some girls from the party, including some football player’s girlfriends and although you didn’t know all of them, you were having fun. At some point you wanted to get a new drink so after excusing yourself from the group you headed towards the kitchen.

Before you were to go inside, you heard loud voices and laughter coming from the room, among some you could recognise, like Jack’s, Phill’s, John’s or Rice’s and some other guys, but you couldn’t tell who they were. The kitchen was a bit further from where the party and the loud music was taking place so the voices were clearer in this area of the house.

There was one voice in specific that made you want to stay behind and continue listening to what was being said in the room.

“Hey Haaland that was a long bathroom break dude” you heard someone say, as the rest of the group started laughing while he just shook his head in annoyance.

“Drop the act, what’s her name” the same voice asked causing the others to start questioning.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” Erling tried to deny but they all mocked his answer, knowing well that he was lying.

“Man, i saw you the other day with some blondie, was that her?” you heard Phill this time.

“No” he bluntly responded, but they started protesting for his lack of information.

“Drop the name man who is it?” Declan asks and all the guys around started agreeing.

“It’s no one, just a random one i met some time ago” he finally reveals, making the rest of the circle become loud with excitement once again.

“It’s nothing serious, we are just fucking” he quickly interrupts them, hoping that that will shut their noisy asses up but it wasn’t the case.

“Does she know about the other chick’s you have been fucking behind her back?” you hear Jack ask him and the room fills in with loud laughter once again.

“Not really”, he replied and the guys went wild.

“Yoo dude is it even serious like, are you going to tell her or?”

“Look i told you its nothing fucking serious, i’m just fucking with her for a little while and i move on, that’s it”, “I wouldn’t even care less if she found about the others, i can replace her anytime” he adds, making the group laugh out again.

You had heard enough.

You pushed the door open and entered the kitchen as the room soon went silent to see who it was.

“Hey Y/n” Declan was the first one to greet you and you greeted them all back with a plastered smile on your face, while avoiding the eyes of a particular person.

“What did i interrupt you guys from?” You asked them cheerfully as you headed towards the fridge to grab yourself another drink.

“Nothing we were just talking” someone spoke up and you leaned against the kitchen counter with your drink in your hand.

“Ohh i get it, hooks up of the week” you said with a small giggle and they agreed.

“Hey y/n did you perhaps catch a glimpse of a girl Erling was in the bathroom with, about an hour ago. He was locked up there for like half an hour and the guy tried to convince us that he was by himself.” Phill interjected this time and you looked at him with a knowing grin on your face, “no way, who was it?” Declan asked but you just shook your head slightly.

“Look guys, its not my place to say, but maybe Erling here, doesn’t want to share the name cause he forgot which one of his chicks was it.” your answer made Erling tense up more as he kept burning holes on you with his gaze the whole time you have been in the room. “Isn’t that right Haaland?” you ended up shifting your attention on him all of a sudden.

“Not the important one’s” he answered as the whole room burst in laughter,

“What are you saying dude, you literally admitted that she was just a plaything” Jack adds in the conversation making you grin lowkey sadly as you lowered your head for a second, but thankfully no one noticed.

“Oh how comforting it must be for her to at least remember her name then huh?” you spoke ironically; your words tasted like venom and he knew that cause they were directed towards him.

“Anyway guys, i gotta get back to my group, sorry that i couldn’t help you identify Haaland’s 4th chick of the week.” you joked once again but you knew that all jokes were on you in the end cause you were the one they were looking for, your were his plaything of the week or better say for the last five months, along with some other playthings of course, but for Haaland that was not worth being mentioned.

After you left the room you heard your name being called and you could tell it was him but you neither had anything more to say or even had the energy to talk to him for the rest of the night, especially when you were supposed to be celebrating your brothers birthday party.

“Y/N WAIT” you heard him yelling before he finally caught up with you and stopping you from walking any further, grabbing you by the arm and you turned your body around to look at him.

“Look i was going to tell you-”

“Oh really? i thought you wouldn’t care if i found out since you can replace me anytime” you cut him off by repeating his own words back in the kitchen, and he seemed to get more frustrated with the situation.

“No you don’t get it, i really lik-” before he can finish his sentence he got interrupted by people singing the birthday song and you both turn your heads to glance back in the main room where all the guests were gathered around a huge cake and your brother standing in the middle.

The sound was so much louder since you were closer to the party area now, making you frustrated as well. Nevertheless that was your signal to end this, cause you had more important things.

“It’s too late for that shit Erling, we are done, no buts” you finally said and you made a move to leave but he caught you again forcing you to look at him with pure anger in your eyes.

“I can fix this, give me another chance” he slowly says while the intimacy in his eyes burned into yours; when he grabbed you for the second time, he had managed to pull your body so close to his that even your faces were only a few centimetres apart.

“Have fun with your side chicks Haaland” you slowly muttered before looking at him one last time and after getting your hand out of his grip you hurriedly headed towards the celebration.

Your eyes were glistened as tears threatened to spill but you were quick to angrily wipe the corners of your eyes and hold yourself back from breaking down in front of a bunch of people. The only thought that clouded your mind was

How could you be so stupid?

[scenedenial]

“I’m not built like that, man. I, uh, I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. I had a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades cause I couldn’t pay attention in school. I didn’t get into college. I didn’t have any girlfriends. I don’t think I’m funny. I always thought my brother was my best friend. Like, we just knew everything about each other. Except … everybody thought he was their best friend, you know, he was that, he was that magnetic. And, um. I didn’t know my brother was using drugs. What does that say? As we got older I realized I didn’t know anything about him, really. He stopped letting me into the restaurant a couple years ago. He just cut me off cold. And that, um, that hurt, you know? And I think that just, that flipped a switch in me where I was like, “okay, fuck you, watch this.” And because we had this connection through food and he had made me feel so rejected and lame and shitty and uncool, I made this plan where I was gonna go work in all the best restaurants in the world. You know, like, like, I’m gonna go work in real kitchens. Like, fuck mom and dad’s piece of shit, right? And it sounds ridiculous, you know, me saying that now, but that’s - that’s - that’s what I did. And I got the shit kicked out of me. And I separated herbs and I shucked oysters and clams and uni. And I cut myself and I got garlic and onions and peppers in my fingernails and in my eyes and my skin was dry and oily at the same time. I had calluses on my fingers from the knives and my stomach was fucked and it was … everything. And a couple years later this funny thing happened which is, like, for the first time in my life, I started to find this, uh, this station for myself. And I was fast. I wasn’t afraid. And it was clear. And I — I felt okay, you know? I knew which vegetables went together, proteins, temperatures, sauces, all that shit. And when somebody new came into the restaurant to stage I looked at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker. I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity, and that kind of confidence you know, like I was finally — I was good at something that was so new and that was so exciting and I just wanted him know that, and, fuck, I just wanted him to be, like, “good job!” And the more he wouldn’t respond and the more our relationship kinda strained the deeper into this I went and the better I got. And the more people I cut out the quieter my life got. And the routine of the kitchen was so consistent and exacting and busy and hard and alive and I lost track of time and he died.”

The Bear, Season 1, Episode 8: Braciole

[novy2sirius]

WORD MAGIC

“the real secret of magic is that the world is made of words and that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish.” ~ terence mckenna

— words have power. “elites” know this so they take advantage of it. some of these aren’t bad though. some say stuff like this is farfetched and i used to think it was until i saw just how many words have secret meanings behind them. the words we say affect our reality. the reason they make things this obvious and put it in front of our faces is because they believe it heals their karma by “telling us” even though they’re not technically actually telling us directly they’re still telling us. according to the rules of karma if we don’t acknowledge what they’re telling us to our faces that is our problem

spelling -> (spell)ing - casting a spell

matrix -> my tricks

universe -> uni (one) verse - one song, one truth

planet -> plan ET/plan net

internet -> enter net

spiritual -> spirit ritual

spirit -> spear it - the fifth wound of jesus

emotion -> i’m ocean - we’re made of 70% water and water is the element representing emotions

bless -> be less

bless you -> be less you

good morning -> mourning = having deep sorrow

revenge -> r(even)ge

mental illness -> (men)tal illness

television -> tell a vision

broadcast -> (casting) a spell

pray -> prey

jesus -> he’s us - and je sus = i know, in french

amen -> (amun) ra - the word is derived from an ancient egyptian god

earth -> heart - rearranged

human -> hue man - hue = attribute of color (color is light) - light manifested into physical form

alcohol -> sounds like the arabic word “al-ghoul” which translates to “body eating spirit” or “beast” in english - refer here for more

sacred -> rearranges to scared - this is on purpose to keep you scared of sacred things such as astrology, numerology, rituals, etc

ritual -> right to all

demon -> the mon-ster

devil -> de/the evil

blame -> be lame

parents -> a pair who rents

write -> rite - a rite is a ceremony or ritual

page -> paging someone = summoning them

beauty -> be you ty

abracadabra -> in hebrew means “i will create as i speak”

wizard -> wise ard