#source: me + my coworkers + my supervisor

[minecraftcorrectmode]

Jesse: Why is there no good equivalent for "sir" or "madam"???

Nell: ..."dude". Just "dude".

Jesse: Well, yes, but I can't exactly go up to some fancy-looking stranger and call-

Slab: "Squishy" is perfectly neutral.

Jesse: That's not really the same thing contextually-

Em: I always just say "d*ckhead". Like "hey, d*ckhead".

Jesse, mildly done: Oh yeah, the three genders. Male, female and d*ckhead.

[scionshtola]

i’ve been listening to a podcast called normal gossip and it’s good but i keep getting distracted from my work bc im getting caught up in the stories

[sokosmic]

Astro Observations #8

📧 Scorpio placements love to probe people for information. This is actually something that comes very natural to them and is often an unconscious behavior. Often the Scorpio doesn't even have to do anything. People tend to reveal themselves willingly and unwillingly. This is the nature of Pluto. It naturally uncovers whatever is hidden. Planets in the 8th House can behave this way as well.

📧 The sign in your 3rd House can give clues about the type of work you may be involved in. Because a theme of the 3rd House includes short distance trips, such as your day-to-day commute, the sign ruling this house often goes hand-in-hand with your work. For instance, I have Leo in the 3H. Leo rules government (source: the rulership book by rex e. bills). I have worked in government for almost 20 yrs.

📧 Mutable Signs/Placements move on their own time. Even if they are punctual, their desire to do things when they want takes priority. It's the nature of scattered energy.

📧 Saturn in the 4th House can indicate karma with the mother or native's family. This placement often requires a lot of obligation to the mother/family . The native feels bound by the obligations and often wishes to escape, but may also feel a sense of duty and embrace their role as the glue in the family. Capricorn ruling the 4th House may also manifest this way.

📧 A 1st House Lilith may attract unsolicited sexual energy. These people have a very natural sex appeal that they may or may not be aware of. And it may not be because of what you would identify as things that are overtly sexy

📧 I've noticed a theme among women with Capricorn in 5th House or Ruler of the 10th in the 4th House is they are often stay at home mothers.

📧 People with Pluto square Mercury have a real tendency to try and tear you down with their words. This isn't always the case, but if threatened or feel they need to gain the upper hand in a conversation, they are very likely to lash out with viscous words. Mars square Mercury can behave similarly, but they are usually the folks that tend to cut others off in conversation.

📧 Cancer placements would much rather purchase you an item than to share that item of their own. It's not that they are necessarily stingy, they just like the security of knowing something belongs to them and exactly when they may need to replace it.

📧 Mars in Libra people can be big procrastinators because they have a tendency towards indecisiveness. These are people who sometimes ride the fence because Libra energy can see all sides.

📧 If you've ever had a terrible experience with a supervisor that goes overboard with micro-managing, it is very likely they are Pluto in Virgo generation. These folks thrive off of getting down to the details, and having some sort of control over outcomes, so nothing goes unnoticed...including EVERYTHING you do lol.

📧 People with Cancer in the 6th House or Aquarius Risings may be annoyingly anal, but in a kinda good way, about taking care of their coworkers or things in the workplace. They may tend to stress over things being out of place or generally keeping up with how things should be "taken care of" in the work environment. This stress can lead to gut and stomach issues, such as ulcers or indigestion. Their daily routines often involves them taking care of things to ensure security for themselves and others.

📧 My studies have shown that the North Node sign and placement, often correlates to the native's Life Path number!

📧 Pisces Mercury / Pisces 3rd House folks are some of the most difficult people [for me] to understand at times! Their minds and mode of communication can be very abstract, which isn't hard to follow (especially if you are Mutable/Mercurial like me), but at times it's like you think they are saying one thing, but their theory isn't translating into a relatable, concrete concept. And there's nothing wrong with that. Pisces Mercury people are HIGHLY creative and artistic. These are your fashionistas, makeup artists, musicians, and poets. They also make great actors.

📧 Moon in Gemini folks can be some of the best storytellers! They use lots of funny words and phrases to express their emotions through their stories. They often get a bad rap for switching up often, but to me, they have an impressive way of intertwining emotions and intellect. If I had to describe them in 2 words, it would be plot twist lol.

📧 Neptune in the 5th House can cause pregnancies to be elusive or deceptive in some form, such as false signs of pregnancy or having difficulty carrying pregnancies to term.

These are my observations and opinions. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

-So.Kosmic 👽💜💫

[anon-sect]

Picture source: @its.my.shoez Instagram account

Tracey received a call from his supervisor to come straight to his office shortly after arriving at work. He began to wonder what his supervisor wanted so early in the day. He hoped it wasn't bad news. He really didn't need to hear that. He was having a bit of bad luck situations recently. He had been behind in his portion of the rent on the apartment, having his roommate to make up the difference. If that wasn't bad enough, his car was in the shop, having major repair work done to it. He had been forced to use Uber services to get to work. He didn't need any more bad news at the moment.

Tracey entered James, his supervisor's office. He motioned to have a seat.

"I called you in before you got started for a reason. There is no easy way to say what i have to tell you. Unfortunately, there were some budget cuts, and your position was one the company decided to cut effective immediately." James paused. "I am sorry to bring such sad news to you, but it's out of my hands."

Tracey definitely didn't want to hear that at a time like now. There had to be another solution. Honestly, if there was one, he would take it no matter what it was. "I understand that, but please, is there any other position that is open or available. I really can't take any more sad news right now." He pleaded to James, hoping there was something he could offer.

James had one other offer, but those who were released or fired would not take it due to the dangers it carried in accepting it. He decided to offer it anyway. "There is one opening available, but it carries a risk." He pulled out the contract and slid it over to Tracey.

Tracey looked over the paper and read it twice. There was a large bonus of $100k once done, but there was a risk. "So I get the $100k, and the other gets $50k once the year is up, right?" He asked, to be sure he understood right. He saw James nod yes to his question.

"But remember the risk you take. If the owner decides to forgo the $50k, you belong to him. There is no return." James paused. "You literally are placing your life in another's hands. You fully understand?" James reiterated.

Tracey needed something good. "Can I choose who owns me?" He asked back.

"Ordinarily, you really don't have a choice, but I will make this one exception since you really were a good employee. Just write in the name of who you want it to be and sign it. We will do the rest." James promised. He would at least do this one favor for a guy who was having a bad day. Tracey handed the paper back with his signature on it. He ran it through his copier and filed the original. He handed the copy back to him. "Take this to HR." He instructed him as he placed a call down to HR about the position.

Several hours later, Seth came into James' office. He motioned for Seth to have a seat. He slid over the shoe box to him. He watched as Seth opened it and was puzzled why he was receiving a new pair of sneakers. "We have been wanting to try out an experimental product, but no one ever took the offer. That was until your coworker Tracey signed up to do it." He spoke as he also showed the contract that Tracey had signed. "These sneakers are Tracey now. He is still alive, just that he is a pair of sneakers. He chose you to wear him for a year. The point of the experiment is to test the durability of our indestructible formula. All you have to do is treat him like normal footwear for a year. If you wish to conclude the formula test for both of you, he gets $100k bonus tax free, and you get $50k bonus check tax free." He added to his previous words. He waited for Seth to reply back.

Seth took out the shoes and examined them. It was hard to believe the sneakers he was holding were actually his best friend at work. He wondered why Tracey would even agree to this. "Why did he choose to be my sneakers?" He asked, feeling curious. Like, who would really choose to be another person's footwear?

"The company had cut his position in budget cuts. To stay on with the company, this was his only option." James reported honestly.

"So I wear him for a year and return him back, and he gets $100k bonus check and I get $50k bonus check, all tax free?" Seth wanted to be sure he understood right.

"Yes, that is your first option." James spoke.

Seth heard first option which meant there was a second option. "What's my second option since I have a first?" He asked wondering what it could be.

"Your second option is that after one year, if you decide to continue with the experiment for us, you get $100k bonus check tax free, but poor Tracey will have to spend another whole year supporting your feet. Every year that you continue, you receive a $100k bonus check tax-free, but that also means you subject Tracey to being your shoes." James paused to be fully serious. "Option two means you are in control of his humanity or return to human form. He specifically selected you to wear him. So I sense that he has some sort of trust in you to decide how long he will be supporting your feet." He finished.

Seth, like the thought of receiving a $100k bonus check. Yet, this was his best friend at work who he was about to wear on his feet for a year. To receive that bonus check every year would be awesome, yet that meant keeping his best friend as his footwear. Could he really do that to Tracey, he pondered.

"We will revisit your option in one year. Until then, enjoy wearing Tracey." James spoke.

Seth put the sneakers back in the box and left the supervisor's office. When he got back to his desk, he opened the box and whispered to his sneakers. "I have to say, $100k every year sounds so nice. Sorry Tracey, but I have to take option two. I hope you understand, but I promise to take good care of you as you take good care of my feet for a long time." He took off his current shoes and put on Tracey.

Tracey thought he knew his best friend well enough. He thought that he would only be sneakers for a year. He thought that Seth would not be tempted by the amount of money. He saw he was wrong. He saw the pair of socks on Seth's feet weren't exactly clean and had a slightly strong vinegar odor. It was pressed hard into his insole face. This was his existence, to live as sneakers for Seth for at least a year or possibly longer.

FIVE YEARS LATER.......

Seth enjoyed a rather smooth life. For the past five years, the job gave him a $100k bonus check for continuing to test their indestructible formula. He has used Tracey for every gym and workout session. He has worn him to work every day. He even tried cutting him with scissors. He did anything and everything to try to destroy his sneakers, yet he remained relatively unscathed. Not only that, Tracey was the most comfortable footwear he owned. He didn't exactly know how Tracey felt about being sneakers every year, but the money was coming in handy. He even wore him on vacations that he took each year. His life was great, thanks to Tracey choosing him instead of someone else. There were weeks where he wore the same pair of socks every day to thank Tracey for the money he wad receiving each year. Life truly was great with having a pair of indestructible sneakers.

[spacequokka]

Pairing: ceo!Jongin x journalist!Reader Genre: CEO AU Rating: T for language Summary: You confront him and find you might have bitten off more than you can chew. Word Count: 1.6k 😭 he said fuck a drabble Warnings: invasion of personal space with no clear consent as well as a kiss, ends on a cliffhanger because I'm putting the smut in its own post, they low-key admit to stalking each other, it's a messy situation but I promised i'd share so here we are.

If it hadn’t been for the flash of headlights when he unlocked his car, you wouldn’t have spotted him. Your source swore on his mother’s grave the rumor was true, that he’d seen it himself, and now you owed him five hundred bucks. All in the name of journalism.

One of the more infamous Kims, Jongin was a master of deception. He avoided the paparazzi with ease and turned down all attempts to interview him. But not tonight, not this time. You double checked your recorder was ready and left your hiding spot in the shadows.

“Mr. Kim!” You jogged over, careful not to touch his shiny Maserati lest he accuse you of vandalism on top of harassment. “Fancy seeing you out this late. Got a minute?”

He looked around bewildered until his gaze landed on you and his eyes narrowed as he kept eye contact. “Whatever it is the answer’s ‘no’, ‘no comment’, or ‘fuck off.’”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” you muttered as you scrambled to put yourself between him and the driver’s door. “Like what you’re doing here at Oh Sehun’s penthouse at,” you checked your watch, “two in the morning. Wow. Kinda late for any business meetings, isn’t it?” You looked up at him with a smirk. “But then again, aren’t you two ‘sworn rivals’ who refuse to work together?”

“Get out of my way before I call the police.” His voice was monotone, utterly bored even though the show had barely started. “I’ll make sure to have my attorney contact your boss about personal space and stalking.”

“Look, I’ll cut the shit if you do to the same.” You shifted your weight to your other leg as you pulled out a stack of polaroids your source had given you. “It looks like some secret love affair between rivals, but I know better. I’ve seen the numbers after these little visits. Tell me you two aren’t secretly working together to maximize your company’s profits.”

He blinked a few times. “What?”

“Stock manipulation is fraud, Kim. This is so close to insider trading I can smell the SEC crawling out of their sewer hole.” You palmed the recorder hidden in your pocket, reassuring yourself you could do it. You could go in for the kill. “All I have to do is turn in my findings and they’ll jump at the chance to bring you both down. Imagine what it’ll do to your company, your reputation.”

He was quiet as he processed your words, eyes still focused on you. You could almost see the gears in his head turning. When he spoke, his voice was low, just above a whisper that you weren’t sure would pick up on your recorder. “Are you sure you want to go that route?”

The threat left you uneasy, but it wasn’t unexpected. You knew this could happen given who he was and the money he had at his disposal. “Are you? I admit, I’m just one person. If I disappear there’s not many who’d miss me. But once the accusation’s out there, no one will ever let you forget it, especially with the evidence I’ve gathered.”

He blinked a few times as his head slowly tilted to the side. It was possible he’d get violent. You weren’t even sure he was unarmed. You’d had the sense to send a backup of your files to your coworker, Minhee, along with a scheduled email to your supervisor, but you hadn’t processed that meant you wouldn’t see either of them again. A slow smirk curved his lips and he took a step forward into your personal space.

“You’re so brave, you know that?” He put a hand on top of his car over your shoulder and leaned in. “And so smart. Anyone else would keep their distance and make wild assumptions, but not you. Oh, no. You were a good girl and had to be thorough.” One of his cold fingertips traced your cheek. “I have to admit, I admire that level of dedication.”

The switch in his demeanor was sudden. It felt like your head was actually spinning. “I’m sorry?”

“You don’t get to where I am without knowing everyone, _____. And I’ve known about you for a while now.” He reached into your pocket, closed his hand around yours, and pressed stop on the recorder. “I’ve heard all about your exceptional detective work, about your award winning articles, and your addiction to danger.” He bit his bottom lip. “Can I let you in on a little secret?”

Mindfuck couldn’t even begin to cover your mental state at the moment. All you could do was nod dumbly.

He leaned against you, slotting his thigh between yours, and said, “This is the most trouble I’ve ever gone through to get closer to someone.” His fingers lightly traced over your coat before settling on your waist. “Will you make it worth my time?”

You blinked away the stupor and leaned back to look up, bringing your faces mere inches away from each other. “I’m not stupid enough to fall for your schemes. I know what I saw and what I’ve found.”

He nodded. “And I know people who can hack networks and databases and manipulate the information you find. I know your most trusted source would say anything for the right amount of money. For fuck’s sake, I’m the king of the fashion industry. If anyone knows how to set the stage, it’s me.” His hands moved up to your waist and gently pulled you back to him. “Everything you think you know is all a part of my show.”

For the first time since you’d stepped out that night, you felt the cold. The chill seeped through your gloves and boots and into your skin, right down to the bone. “B-bullshit. You’re full of—”

“I could be, sure. You’re more than welcome to file a report. Go public and tell the world how I’m a wolf in sheep’s skin. My PR team and lawyers will have it all swept away by the time you go to sleep.” He shrugged. “Whatever makes you feel better. I won’t hold it against you. As long as you’ll reward me for working so hard.”

You put a hand on his chest with barely enough push behind it to keep him from getting closer. “Reward you? How would I—”

“Come home with me, pretty girl.” His voice dropped to a murmur as his thigh moved higher. “Just give me one night. Need to see you spread out on my bed, tangled in my sheets. Gotta know how you taste, what sounds you make.”

You grabbed his arms and squeezed. “You want me to believe you risked your reputation just to get me in bed? That’s outrageous!”

The lust in his eyes gave way to a confused frown. “I take it flattery doesn’t do it for you?”

“Not when it’s obvious bullshit. I’ll take my chances.” You pushed a little harder and he took a step back, putting his hands into the pockets of his slacks to adjust them. Popping a boner to sell his story was a bit much, but maybe he was really committed to the lie. You’d heard of stories of millionaires getting into kinky, stupid shit because they were bored and could wipe their ass with money. If this wasn’t some clever way to cover his ass and keep the SEC out of his business, it was entirely possible he’d really orchestrated everything. But for you? Nah.

Unless…

“Can you prove it?” It took a lot of willpower to look him in the eyes and not shy away. “Can you prove everything you’ve done? To trick me, I mean. Prove to me you’re not committing fraud.”

That smile returned. “Of course. I accounted for your skepticism, and since I was already leaving a trail for you to follow, made a backup on a flash drive. Of course, that’s at my place.” His eyes trailed down your body and back up. “It’s just a short ride from here.”

“You want me to follow you to your place?” You poked a thumb in the direction of your car.

He shook his head. “It’d be much easier if you just rode with me.” He gestured to his car. “Just hop in and we’ll be on our way.”

You threw up your hands. “If you’re gonna kill me, just do it here and be done with it! Or let me go home so you can pay someone else to do it.”

“I already told you. How many other ways do I need to spell it out for you?” He took a step forward. “I’ve had my eyes on you.” Another step. “And l want you bad enough to go through all this trouble,” he caged you up against his car, “just to get you right here, just like this. I wanna kiss you so bad, pretty girl. Bet you taste better than I imagine. The innocent ones always do.”

He leaned in and you couldn’t help it. You couldn’t ignore the growing spark of desire he’d ignited. His lips were cold, but the way he moaned upon contact with yours was enough to forget the sensation. His hands cradled your head, keeping you in place as he ghosted his lips over your mouth. A quick swipe of his tongue left a chill over your bottom lip before he pulled away.

“Don’t make me get on my knees and beg, baby. Get in the car.”

⟨⟨ Series ML || Group ML || Next ⟩⟩

[findingmypeace]

Are you still friendly with your coworkers? It sounded like they were a source of support & fun at one point. You seemed to connect with one of them in particular. The last time you mentioned her you had been worried she was mad at you but talked things out & they were fine. I haven’t heard you mention her lately, coworkers alone can’t solve every work issue but they certainly can help you get through the day & help you feel connected to your job, so sorry if that isn’t the case anymore

Things with my coworkers have changed a lot. RY is the one that I connected with the most. RY and I are still very good friends. I was worried for a little while. It wasn’t so much as mad at me (although at one point I did worry about it). I was just afraid that we were drifting apart and our close friendship was over. But the past month has shown me the opposite which I will write about at another time. She is such amazing friend.

As far as my other coworkers/friends the dynamic has changed SO much. I think a lot of it is a result of the “clinical team” changing so much and because I think my struggles made them feel uncomfortable. I left for my leave and then RY resigned two weeks into my leave. A short while later my company hired another mental health clinician (who is now my supervisor) and finally my company hired someone to be the clinical director (who resigned at the end of January). And now, just last week, we had a new BCBA start. With ALL of these changes and the fact that I think I made the other two people in our “group” feel uncomfortable things are now very different. We don’t really talk and if we do it’s mostly about our clients. I’m pretty sad about it. We had so much fun together. I’m just very, very grateful RY and are so close. She visited me in residential and it was such a profound experience. I think I will always question if someone truly cares about me and that’s related to my own insecurities. RY and LS are probably the people in my life who have most sincerely shown me that they don’t hate me and that they care. That means so much to me.

[madmaryholiday]

Uh-oh girlies (gender neutral), this might be one of those "don't leave me alone with my thoughts" kind of nights.

I can't quite pin down the source of the feeling, but I just feel gross and sad.

I'm hydrated, I ate a protein-packed dinner, I showered, I've brushed my teeth, and I'm not in noticeably more pain than usual. I think I have most of the physiological side of things covered.

Maybe it's work stress? A supervisor who theoretically will be out of a job soon thanks to management's "restructuring" admonished me for talking to a coworker for too long right after I started my shift today. "You can't be doing that" and "when you clock in you should be ready to work" and the enigmatic "that's why these changes are happening."

I was extremely offended by what I read as the implication that I was slacking off, because I am a goddamn professional, but I was also just bewildered by the sudden comments.

I asked the coworker I'd been talking to if the supervisor had talked to her, too, and she said he hadn't, which just made me MORE confused. You'd think he would want to follow up with the other half of the too-long conversation, right?

But later, I remembered that when the supervisor came up to me, he opened with a comment about my "earbuds."

For reference, we're not allowed to wear headphones on the warehouse floor for safety reasons. People still do sometimes, and it's something I do actually want management to crack down on because, well, safety.

But I was wearing reusable ear plugs, NOT earbuds, and I popped one out to show him.

And THAT was when he said I'd been talking to my coworker for too long.

Which leads me to believe that, upon realizing he couldn't bust me for a significant infraction, he decided to redirect his desire to reprimand me to something harder to defend against.

Which is gross, and not something I had previously expected him to do, but the whole vibe of the interaction was so fucking weird that i don't know how else to explain it.

It also threw me off for the rest of the day, so....

Yeah, I think I figured out why I feel so off tonight. I know I need to get better at not taking shit personally, but that specific "you are not working hard enough" implication really fucks me up. I do my goddamn best every goddamn day, and I pride myself on the quality of my work. (Tbh I work way harder than management deserves, but I honestly just can't turn off my inner quality control.)

Idk, man. Work is still a shitshow, though I do finally know who I'm supposed to report to now. And like Everything Else, it's making it harder to deal with any given thing.

At least I have therapy tomorrow, I guess.

[samukelisiwecebekhulu]

"The whole exceeds the sum of its parts."(Aristotle). In an increasingly complicated world of healthcare, can we afford to disregard the value of interdisciplinary collaboration? Collaboration is the most effective method to operate. It's the only way to work, really. Everyone is there because they are passionate about the project and want to make it the best it can be. As an Occupational Therapy student still learning how things work in the field, I recently had the opportunity to collaborate with a multidisciplinary team, including professional OTs, nurses, doctors, my academic supervisor, and coworkers. I received a lot of assistance and knowledge about how the healthcare system operates.

My interactions with the nurses at the hospital were truly impactful. They played a crucial role in helping me navigate through the hospital environment, they were always ready to assist me with any information or clarity I needed. Their friendliness and willingness to help created a welcoming and supportive atmosphere, making my experience more comfortable. One of the things I appreciated most was the respect and value they showed for my contributions. This inclusive environment they fostered encouraged me to share my insights and speak up more confidently. The feedback I received from the team was very helpful. They pointed out the importance of clear and concise communication, especially when it comes to documenting information.

Working closely with occupational therapists within the department also helped me grow professionally. We shared feedback and insights that boosted my confidence in talking with doctors and which boosted my confidence in asking questions and getting information directly from them, rather than just relying on documentation on the file. The positive response from doctors, who were eager to hear my plans for improving patient outcomes like when I was interacting with my client’s doctor, the one with poly trauma, he was keen to know what I will do to help my client which further motivated me to actively engage in patient care and treatment planning. During challenging moments, such as receiving sad news about my client's passing, the nurses were a source of support and guidance. Their empathy and help in helping me handle difficult moments strengthened the teamwork and bond with them.

Throughout my experience working in a multidisciplinary team, I have come to realize the challenges that can arise, such as role confusion. It became clear to me that role ambiguity, as identified in a study by Nancarrow et al. (2013), is a common issue in interprofessional teams. This lack of clarity in roles can lead to confusion and inefficiencies, especially when working with professionals from different disciplines, like physiotherapy and occupational therapy. Personally, I often found myself mistaken for a physiotherapist by the nurses, highlighting the need for clearer role distinctions within the team.

Looking ahead as a third-year occupational therapy student, I am committed to prioritizing collaboration and communication in my practice. I aim to actively engage with fellow healthcare professionals, pursue opportunities for interprofessional education, and advocate for a team-based approach to patient care. Seeking feedback from peers and supervisors will also be crucial in my journey to continuously improve and deliver high-quality care to my clients. My experience in the multidisciplinary team has significantly influenced my personal and professional growth as an occupational therapy student. The collaboration with other healthcare professionals has been useful, and I am eager to expand my skills and knowledge in this area as I progress towards becoming a practicing occupational therapist.

As I reflect on this transformative journey, I am reminded of Albert Einstein's words: "The only source of knowledge is experience." This experience has indeed been a source of profound learning and self-discovery for me. In the world of occupational therapy, where creativity meets compassion and teamwork drives transformative care, I am continuously inspired. I also learnt that interdisciplinary collaboration does not only enhances patient outcomes but also deepens our understanding of human resilience.

Let us embrace the challenges ahead with curiosity and optimism, knowing that every interaction and collaboration shapes us into better professionals. Together, let us foster a culture where innovation thrives, empathy prevails, and laughter fills the halls of care. As we navigate the complexities of healthcare, let us remember the power of connection within our teams, with our patients, and within ourselves. Let's keep asking questions, seeking answers, and envisioning a future where every individual's potential is unlocked through compassionate care, because the synergy of multidisciplinary teamwork is essential to patient well-being.

 Here's to the exciting journey ahead, filled with discovery, growth, and plenty of occupational therapy fun!

[myfirsthaircut]

February 28, 2024,

Woke up to go into the office this morning and was genuinely angry about it. I get an hour less sleep on the days that I go into the office and it sucks. Then I'm in the office and nothing about my job is different... except maybe that I am asked for help by more coworkers, but considering I am not a supervisor and not paid for that.... ugh. I honestly like that people see me as a source of help, but I'd like to get paid accordingly.

[sandman2412]

Our relationship with the world needs adjustment. And it all begins here, in the mind. Let’s put this in a relative sense. You finished studying in school and now to get into the field you want you have an exam for certification. You worked your ass off on this test and you’re expecting good results once all is said and done. Now I want to break this scenario down into three components:

The Positive, The Negative, and Perspective.

(+)

We associate the positive with the good and where we want to be. As if the positive is all we should consume. However, the truth of the matter is “ignorance is bliss” and if we live attached solely to what feels good, we live blindly to what we are capable of, what needs change in exchange for abundance. You got a 95% on the exam, now certified and achieving what you set out to do. You ride this high into work, overconfident and affirmed by passing. Yet your supervisor and coworkers question your ability and how fit your are for the role, due to basic or minor oversights in your work. Come to find out these oversights derive from the 5% of of exam material you’ve rendered meaningless in the light of your grade. Carrying yourself as if it was insignificant carried into your work, interrupting your reliability and quality of service in the workplace.

(-)

We associate the negative with where we don’t want to be. As if it is some bad omen that our lives are shambles, and there is some truth to that. The question is how do we respond to our darkness/dark moments. See the positive is like action and the negative, what’s acted upon. Darkness only grows where the light doesn’t shine, and as our own sources of light in life, our darkness should serve less as justification for debilitation and more as an indicator of what needs attention, what needs to be tended to. You got a 75% on the exam. Failing the exam already put you in a bad space, but missing the bar by 5% made it terrible. You act as if nothing happened, you isolate yourself, you remove yourself from your world and your passions, and in the end, wallow in self-deprecation. Not only were you confronted with negativity, but you affirmed it closing off opportunities for joy through taking action, instead expanding negativity through inaction. Which brings me to the third component, perspective.

(♾️)

The thing about positivity and negativity is they represent two sides of the same coin, unable to exist without one another. The key is in allowing the randomness/unpredictable nature of life to flip the coin, accepting which way it falls. Acceptance, because our circumstances are something we receive (negative) but our response (positive) is how we return and affect our circumstance. That is the power of the human condition, bestowed this level of consciousness and intellect to remain rationally detached from our circumstance, observing and honoring our emotions (not acting through them), and responding with what the moment needs. If I score the 95%, that 5% of error (or negativity) should act as an indicator of growth, strengthened or addressed through attention, focus, and action (positivity). If I score the 75%, I should be looking at the silver lining, applauding my attempt to go after where I want to be and doing everything to retain my motivation (positivity). By maintaining my desire to act and channeling that energy to lessen my margin of error through review, education, and correction, I reopen my future to myself. I affirm my ability to do what I believed and in the end, could be of more service to the world because of my trials than my peers simply being forced to return where I failed (negative). If we could bring the positive where we feel negative, and parse out the negativity hiding behind our positivity, how beautiful would life be?

~ Slade

(Was nervous to share, thanks for reading 🙂)

[desperatecheesecubes]

Now that it’s February 1st here’s my reading wrap up for January!

First up is volume 1 of Hiraeth. The End Of The Journey which I finished on January 7th, and I rated it three stars.

The art in this is phenomenal and I can already it’s going to emotionally devastate me. Like most manga I gave it 3 stars, it’s a slice of the story but not the entirety of it. I don’t know if that makes sense haha but it’s my system! Single issue comics and collecteds rarely crack four stars for the same reason for me. If it’s a whole encased story it’s much more likely to score highly with me.

Read time: January 6-7th

Next up was volume 10 of My Dress Up Darling, which I finished on January 8th, and I rated it 3 stars.

This volume was so fun. When Wakana had to stay the night and Marin spent the entire time thinking they were going to have sex for the first time felt really organic. That’s just what being a teen is like lmfao.

Read time: January 7-8th

After that was volume one of Dungeon Meshi, which I finished on January 10th, and rated 3 stars.

My beloved mutual @arataka-reigen has been recommending this manga for some time and I finally got around to it now that the anime is airing and I have zero regrets! It’s absolutely as funny as everyone has suggested. The way Senshi is drawn always gets me cackling. He’s just vaguely bemused the whole time lmfaoo.

Read Time: 8-10 January

After that I finally finished a book! Well. A play. Savage Conversations by Leanne Howe, which I also gave 3 stars.

This had a whole lot to say, and I’m not entirely sure all of it hit for me? I know what it was going for and respect it, the Rope character just wasn’t my cup of tea (which is notably not the point with a work like this.) I really enjoyed the exploration that Mary Lincoln’s hallucinations towards the end of her life were driven by guilt and the vengeful Dakota spirits that her husband ordered executed. I certainly walked away reconsidering history and the way society chooses to tell the stories of those we idolize.

Read Time: 11-12 January

This is also where I lost my 134 day reading streak on Kindle and I’m very upset about it 😂 At least my 288 week streak is still going strong 😤

After that I really felt I needed to read something lighter so I put real effort into finishing The Toaster Project: Or A Heroic Attempt To Build A Simple Electric Appliance From Scratch, which I did on January 20th, with a rating of four stars.

I loved this book. I am going to reccomend it to many of my coworkers and friends. The writing is simple and easy to follow and often very funny. I learned a lot about supply chains, material sourcing, and the processes humanity used to refine material into useable objects. This book does an excellent job at asking heavy questions without you noticing the weight, at slowly building up to a point so obvious it seems as though it was a mountain the entire time. What is ethical consumption? What is ethical CREATION? What is a commodity versus a luxury versus a necessity? How did the things on our shelves get there, where will they go after, and how many of them do we need to even have made in the first place? All in all an excellent read.

Read Time: 14-21 January

After that, still feeling myself in a bit of a rut and not wanting to put much effort into my more emotionally taxing reads I read volume 1 of Bocchi The Rock! Which I finished on January 22nd and rated 3 stars.

My supervisor was a big fan of the anime when it started airing and strongly encouraged me to watch it, saying Bocchi reminded him of me. And that son of a bitch was right. She just like me for real. (Except I’m not nearly as good on violin as she is on the guitar.) I will say though that the kindle edition is formatted poorly for a phone reading set up. Reading this physically or on a larger screen makes it infinitely more readable in its 4-Koma style.

Read Time: January 20-22nd

The next book I finished was Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt, which I finished on January 27th and rated 4.5 stars.

This was a lovely, emotional tale. I really enjoyed following Tova’s exploration of loss and grief and grappling with the knowledge that the end of her life is approaching. Stories with emotional weight are my favorite, and I love exploring complex feelings and relationships. This gave me just about everything I could have wanted from it. Reading the blurb made me think Tova’s son was going to actually have been alive the whole time but then about 20 pages in or so Marcellus tells us he came across her sons body and it was so emotionally devastating to me hahaha. And Marcellus’ last scene? I wanted to cry.

Read Time: January 13-28th

Then was the winner of the ‘what do I read next’ poll I had was After The Dragons by Cynthia Zhang which I rated 3 stars.

The title is a bit of a lie considering absolutely none of this takes place after dragons. Dragons are there the whole time. I was expecting for them to like… go away or disappear or be lost or something but no. They’re there the whole time. All in all it was a sweet queer romance about respecting boundaries and help. But… I would have liked it more if it really took place after the dragons…. So really I expected something completely different than the novel had based on the title and I want to read the idea I made up lol

Read time: 22-29 January

The Island of Sea Women by Lisa See got me hooked after that, finishing it on January 30th with a perfect 5 star rating.

Oh my god. Lisa See is so so SO brilliant at conveying deep, complex, often overwhelming emotions. The way she writes characters is so beautifully fleshed put, and the relationships with each other live in your soul. I read Lady Tans Circle of Women last year and also rated it 5 stars so it’s safe to say Lisa See is becoming a favorite of mine. This book was an absolutely brutal, raw, honest and devastating look at the history of Jeju island told through one woman’s life. If you can handle hard historical novels I do highly recommend this.

Read Time: 1-30 January

Wanting to get just one more read in before the end of the month I finally picked up the most recent of Seanan McGuire’s Wayward Children novella- Mislaid in Parts Half Known which I finished on January 30th and rated 4 stars.

I have a lot of love for this series, and I reccomend it frequently. Seanan McGuire is another author that is deeply deeply empathetic and it shows in her writing. The cast in this series is extremely diverse, and their motivations and actions are complex even with such a short time to express them. This entry was fun, Sumi was a particular highlight for me, and I’m very eager to pick up the next one. If I recall correctly it was her last planned novella? I wouldn’t mind if she kept going but if it’s the culmination I will be ready. My plan as it stands now is to reread the entire series next January haha.

Reading Time: 30 January

Tumblr won’t let me put more pictures into this post but after this I realized that there are in fact 31 days in January so I knocked out volumes 2 and 3 of Dungeon Meshi as well, reading both on the 31st and eating them 3 stars.

All in all in January I read

1 play

1 nonfiction

2 novels

2 novellas

6 manga

Bringing me to 12 titles read so far in 2024. According to my overall goal of 450 I am behind by 26 haha. I didn’t read any comics at all this month, so once I get to catching up on those I’m sure I’ll make a dent in my deficit.

[minecraftcorrectmode]

Lukas: You have such a gutter mind.

Aiden: Tell me something I don't know.

Petra: Everything else.

Aiden:

[lizardman1959]

I think of where I was this time last year and wonder if anything truly changes for the better

I was alone in an unfamiliar city after moving over 1200 miles, without any friends, supervisors who thought me incompetent and unprofessional, a work schedule that was killing me slowly, and a partner that I never felt I could get ahold of and actually see me.

I’m still in that city now and I have one friend that I’m terrified of losing because I’m a depressed, traumatized, absolute pathetic excuse of a person. My supervisors still think I’m incompetent and can’t do my job. I feel targeted at my job and looked down upon by my coworkers. My work schedule is killing me faster. My partner is the source of 80% of the stress that’s made me lose sleep, hair, and over 40 pounds in less than six months. Any time I try to do something for myself or my health it feels like I open Pandora’s box for everyone I love. And I never feel better when I do. I always manage to make it worse.

I am trying so hard to find things to hold on to, to keep myself here, to find things that make it worth it to keep going, but lately I’m struggling to see why it was worth it to stick around after I tried to kill myself this time last year

i just want to close my eyes and never open them again, if this is what the rest of my life looks like

[glygriffe]

*coworker/supervisor trying to tell me how to do my job* - There is no I in team - But there are two in micro-managing

Source: Laura @loewhakey on Youtube

[idledreams-burninghearts]

So autistic burnout and how it impacts me

Basically it happens when you mask too much and fuck it if I don't mask like all the time

I've basically been masking since I was born lol. There are varying levels of masking, for me at least, I can't speak for other people

I guess the person I mask around the least is my ma but considering I live with her and I only get 14 hours a week actually alone, you can see how that isn't good right? Lol

Anyways, here's some ways it can look in adults

emotional dysregulation (lmao, def feeling this, could have probably stuffed my feelings down and snuffed them out if I hadn't been going through burnout for a couple months now)

decreased self-care (I am trying so hard but I've got no energy to do anything for myself. All my energy is going to work and my dog)

increased frequency of autistic traits (I can feel like they want to pop out but I'm not sure if people can actually tell? I really don't know how to unmask but I can feel the struggle of it trying to slip off)

irritability (yeap, being very resistant to change at work and yeap)

low motivation (oh yea, I really do not care about sales at work, I really don't care about doing anything except for sleeping)

Here's what it feels like to be going through it

anxiety (yeap! But I'm always anxious lol)

depression (yeap! Also always depressed)

extreme lethargy (yeap! I have chronic fatigue but it is definitely worse right now)

inability to ask for help (yeap! I have never been able to ask for help though)

memory issues (yeap! Also have always had a shit memory, thanks childhood trauma!)

loss of words or selective mutism (def going through that)

reduced executive functioning -e.g., staying organized, making decisions (yeap! And I think this is why I'm dissociating so much right now too. Kinda miss the full on black out dissociation. Not liking this fuzzy foggy sense of self and sense of the world, makes it real hard to know what's real)

trouble bouncing back from daily tasks (oh yea, but how can someone not have trouble with this when going through everything else?)

suicidal thoughts (yeap! Normally I'm just passively suicidal, like it would be nice to die but I'm not gonna do it, but it has definitely been pushing into actively suicidal lately, womp womp)

Besides masking, an article I'm reading says "Another reason you may feel exhausted is that you’re required to participate in long-term interactions that don’t offer much relief, like socializing at work. Though they may be 'lower-level' interactions, says Lombardo, they can deplete your energy." And I'm just like, yea, if you're masking then that is a huge chunk of energy. I love my coworkers (some more than others lmao whoops) but it is draining. And I work in retail so I have to interact with customers which I 100% do not want to do lol

Frequent changes are also listed as a reason for burnout and there have been a lot of changes going on at work since they were bought out. Manager was like "stop complaining about corporate they haven't even done anything lately" (which not true, they recently added a pop-up when you clock in saying to make sure you have your name tag and smile on and that felt like a huge slap in the face to me as I'm struggling with masking and is basically telling me that I can never unmask at work) but like I'm still struggling with the dress code change and being promoted to a supervisor position I never asked for and how the store no longer feels like we're finding the best option for the customer according to their needs but to just get them to spend as much money as possible and just like every change that has happened

The article lists some barriers in getting adequate support

"In a 2020 studyTrusted Source, participants reported that the inability to receive support for their needs contributed to a sense of burnout. This included:

being told burnout is your own fault (luckily I have not experienced this one)

hearing that it happens to everyone (my manager has said this to me lol, I have talked to her about it but it fucking sucked)

getting dismissed when you ask for help (it is very hard for me to ask for help so I don't really do it directly. "I'm too autistic for this" "we are understaffed" of course management doesn't listen to that. Plus I mentioned being understaffed one too many times and my manager snapped at me lol, I don't blame her she is under a lot of stress and she did put up now hiring signs after that)

Some ways to recover from burnout include

Removing obligations : It’s time to get a little ruthless with your schedule and commitments. If something isn’t 100% necessary, take it off your calendar for the near future. Your new goal is to try to find as much downtime as you can, with fewer extracurriculars, work projects, and social events."

Which I am doing. I've quit my dnd group. My schedule at work is going to be reduced to 3 days. I really want to work on cosplay but I'm waiting until I've recovered (which hopefully I'll still have enough time to work on at least one lol). A coworker friend invited me to sushi with everyone and I'm like that's nice but I can't lol.

And participating in soothing activities which they list a few

spend time in nature (trying to do that more, tossing peanuts for crows at work and such)

practice a calming visualization

exercise (lmao fuck no)

draw (I don't have the creativity right now)

listen to music (yes yes yes)

journal (yes sorry to everyone that I use Tumblr as my journal, ironically hiding myself and keeping secrets is a trigger for me. Like I make it so hard for people to know me and I mask but hiding myself and keeping secrets is a trigger? Like I know exactly why, this is childhood trauma shit but like what the fuck)

stretch (yes and popping everything as I do so)

sit in silence with someone you love (I love my ma but there's issues I can't get past while living with her so I don't think this would be a good option for me) (sitting in silence with other people I love are also not good options because they are too far away and it takes up too much energy to get to them and our schedules conflict and it takes up too much energy to plan something out or because I'm crazy lol)

Sensory interventions like compression, noise canceling headphones, texture seeking, enjoying favorite smells, having a sensory closet

I don't have a weighted blanket and I'm not sure how I would feel about compression anyways. I don't need noise canceling headphones at home and I can't wear them at work lol. I do enjoy textures at home but it's harder to do that at work. Also can't enjoy favorite smells at work. And I wish I had the space for a sensory closet lol, maybe when I have the energy I can go through my closet and start tossing the stuff I need to toss.

Sleep is great for burnout but also if you can't sleep, just rest

I am doing a lot of both when I'm not at work lol. Wow, I really hate that I have to work in order to survive. This is a huge issue for me regarding my depression but that is a whole other post

Practice self compassion

Haha, yes yes

Something this specific article doesn't mention is that a lot of people on the spectrum also develop gastrointestinal issues and I think one of the reasons that happens is because of masking and I do think my gut problems get worse when I'm in burnout.

[libraford]

oh my god, I just realised I've spent maybe half an hour going through your blog and you used to have a stalker and I'm possibly weirding you out. uh, I'm so sorry!! I just do this with my favourite people from time to time!

Okay, so let me kind of... explain? Because I dont find random people going on a binge read of my blog to be stalker. That's just normal tumblr behavior.

The stalker in question... was my direct supervisor at the flower shop.

He found out that I was using tumblr as a space to vent and since he was the source of a LOT of my rants because he really was... just awful to me.

Now you have to understand that my username did not resemble in any way the name that they knew me by, he didnt have a tumblr himself, and so there had to be a deliberate effort to find me. For the distinct purpose of making my work life uncomfortable and removing me from a safe space to vent.

Meanwhile, he was making death threats against coworkers on his social media, so double standard.

So its 2018, my privacy has been violated, and he's habitually reading my posts in his free time because he cant help himself, hes so self-obsessed- aren't you, Coach. You cant handle a single person disliking you for any reason. He comes upon a post where in talking about his tendency to cheat on his wife which he fucking bragged about loudly inside the shop, and his wife sees it over his shoulder. Now hes in the doghouse. Instead of taking responsibility for the fact that he cheated, he decides to shoot the messenger.

Now I'm ostracized, no one will talk to me, work is hell, and theres no way out and theres nowhere I can go about it because I know hes reading everything about himself.

And it eventually died down when my boss stepped in and said to stop looking at my shit, but I know for a fact that he still did. So I had to change my username and pic and hope for the best but sometimes I still think hes looking because as I said: dude is so insecure he cant help himself.

It's been years and hes out of my life, but I'm still cautious about people looking for reasons to abuse my trust. This is why some of my stories are written with code names, partial truths, obfuscated locations. I talk about shows, but I dont advertise their locations. Dates are vague. This arguably makes storytelling difficult, but its necessary for safety reasons.

So.

You getting caught in the endless scroll of the blog of the person whose content you enjoy isnt really... the same. You enjoying my stories,my posts, my slice of life stuff, my photos... it doesnt make me feel unsafe and it doesnt really have the same real-world consequences as someone I spend every day with using my vent space as ammunition.

You're fine. You clearly dont have any malicious intent. You can scroll guilt-free.