#soundtrack vinyl but she looked like she didn’t want to talk to me and ended up walking away before I could tell her

[cloneboywonder]

I went to the mall and saw my favorite man at the media store there and when he saw me he pushed the little cart with the record shipment boxes to the front and then over to the record shelves and he held up his little paper and he was like “I saw we got a fall out boy one in!” And he was asked if I went over and found my indie one I wanted and I was like yes yes it’s the coke bottle one and he was happy I was able to get it bc they didn’t get any silly colors and he knows I like those ones. And then I was like peaking in the boxes and I was like “sorry I was being nosy” and he was like “oh go ahead :-)” and I asked if I could look in the big boxes and he was like ofc and then he talked to me while I looked about the new album and asked which songs I liked bc he didn’t listen yet and I told him fake out and muse and grudge were my faves so far blah blah and he was like “did you find anything in there?” And I was no but that’s okay I love looking :-) and then he said he was gonna check out the album and I like talking to him bc he just likes music and stuff so he asks about the sound and everything I had my little “it’s different but good” spiel bc like “I know they are not 20 yr old pop punkies anymore you know? They’re like 40 now!” And he thought was funny idk I was just like “I’ll probably like anything they put out bc I just love them! I’m just happy they are still creating together!” And I asked him about soundtrack vinyls and if they get them in a lot bc I was looking for the red/green pressing of the bmc soundtrack and he was on the other side and now that I’m thinking about it he def went over there to double check for me if they had it :-( and he was like maybe they will have it at the real record store and then he was telling me about the record store that we both go to and about the building and stuff and then he was making sure I knew how to look for record store day releases and when it was and told me I had to go this year and that our store would be best bc they always over order lol and I found the 2nd volume of fobs greatest hits cd and when I went to grab it he was asking me if there was anything good on it bc it’s the 2nd one and every time I go there I’m always talking about their old albums 😭 and I was like ummmm bob dylans good 😭😭😭 and I told him someday I’ll bring him a little cd playlist of good fob songs and he thought it was funny and he was asking about what I was still missing and I told him i actually moved to vinyls bc I had all the cds and that I needed the camo pressing of tttyg but that it impossible to find for not crazy LMAO next time I go I’ll tell him he needs to give me music ideas to listen to I love this guy so much he’s so nice and when I Ieave he’s always like “you can always call us and we will check our stuff for you!” and I always tell him “I do call I just never get to talk to you on the phone” 😭 and he was like “well I’ll see you here next time then!” I love people so sos so much I love people I love society I love people so much I literally go there to talk to him bc they never have anything he’s just fun and then my brother got home from Germany yesterday and I missed him and I picked him up and we went to my favorite bagel place <3 and he said he would go to record store day with me and then my mom took us to the grocery store and I got to play with my yoyo while we walked around <3 no one said anything about my bmc shirt sad but also preferable

[arleneworld22]

Hello, how are you?

How was your weekend? How was with your in-laws? They sound like a very friendly family. How are you going playing with your father in-law? Is he still “kicking your asses”? lol

My weekend becomes more busy as I expect, yesterday in the morning my boss call me and asked me if I can cover someone at the emergency department again today and I just say yes by instict *subs* but I really wanted to go to this plant event today at Vicente’s park with my family to buy some flowers but *long sigh* well, there will be more events to go for a walk together.

Yesterday I get a little late at sign class so I couldn’t ask for the notes from the last class, but fortunately the teachers always start doing a small review from last session and there weren’t too many new signs for me, actually I was able to learn all of them at that very moment #wujuu

Something funny was that I just missing last class and I find out that we’ll do a rally next Saturday, and they commissioned some support books, like when you missing a class and it happens from everything :’D

And at the end this classmate borrowed me her book that we talked about the last time “Before December” (I forgot to bring her Little Woman, so it’s for the next time) and I saw that she is the kind of person that likes to put on note sticks, write on the book and make some little drawings!! <333333333 I almost cried with emotion. I DEFINITELY going to enjoy very much her book.

My bestie calls me and he agree to go to the FIL with me on Friday! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH  I’m very very excited!!! because last year we couldn’t go together and also because it’s the first time we meet in months and finally not from a video call! *cries with hyperactivity*. If you go to the FIL… is it bad to admit that I truly hope I can see you there at least a few seconds? Maybe it is, sorry I don’t want you to make you feel uncomfortable. But also I know it’s a little big place with maaany people, so.. who knows, maybe I can’t, but I hope you can enjoy your day with your best friend and you can find something you like. <3

Talking about Piledriver waltz, I love the whole submarine soundtrack, (some day I want to buy the vinyl disc) but this song has an especial place in my heart because in that time when I had nightmares I always looked for you just to talk and forget that bad feeling I had and it didn’t matter if you were sleeping or awake, you always responded my messages or calls (sometimes was very late and it gets me a little worried tbh) one night I asked if you could sing me something, anything, and you send me audios of you singing that song; I want to admit that I kept those audios in the highlight messages so I listened Piledriver waltz by you maaany many times. Now I don’t remember how your voice sounds when you talk, I have a glimpse of how your laugh sounds but, I remember almost 100% how you sound when you sing and most of the time I just can remember if I put on Piledriver waltz. Also, thank you very much for explain me your songs, now they have soooo much sense, I remember you always respected bug’s life’s but I thought it was because you are someone who likes to respect any living being, well, that’s true but I didn’t know you love bugs, it’s very nice to know that!

My brother… we didn’t know that too loool, he told us his feelings on 2020 so with all what we were living that time I have  to confess that first I was in shock and then I get veeeeeeeeeery worried about him for how our family could be with him, but now is kind of normal I guess(?); my brother it’s more open about that with me than my parents; they know, my mom is still on grief for that, I can see it in her eyes, but she is trying to not get minded by that, and my dad just avoid the topic but still respects him, the rest of our family don’t know, so he talks to me about other boys and how they treat him, we made jokes about som random imaginary scenarios and about silly moments he has when he gets nervous when they are close to him, or sometimes we talk about situations when they tell him things that he doesn’t understand. His teenager era changes him A LOT, he takes more seriously his studies, he express everything he thinks and feels (sometimes is very mean but it’s not his intention sound in that way), he starts to practice volleyball, he is really into quizzes and test from internet and psychology topics (I already explained him that those things are not always are truth), he reads more, he is an extrovert person with introvert boundaries and sensitive soul, he is 18y/o (my baby is a man now! 😭) and after many talks, and some discussions with our mom, we negotiated that better to him if he is going to take a break after his graduation to prepare more himself before applying to the university next year, and we are so glad that she accepted!!, so yeah that’s a victory for us; I understand the big brother senses are always on, I trust that he is going to choose nice people to be around him and if it doesn’t work how he expects I will always be there to hug him as much as he need.

Now talking about the treasure’s planet, I didn’t know you loved that movie, it’s amazing! Also I remember that you told me that you both love him so much, never explained to me the reason, but also I didn’t want to ask because sounds to me like it was a very sensitive topic and didn’t wanted to make you feel uncomfortable told me something that looks very personal.

[hcrringtonshair]

Preference No.1

How You Met

Including: Bucky, Natasha, Sam, Steve, Thor & Wanda

Warnings: none, just fluff everywhere :)

A/n: This is my first preference. Please be kind, I’m not so confident about my english in this (I checked the translation five times) I would love to hear what you think about it! You can also write me what do you want to read next :)

Masterlist

Bucky

You've seen him nearly every day in your favorite coffee shop in Manhattan before and like him, you were always on your own. He had also noticed you many times and always smiled friendly when he entered the café. 

You never expected him to stand at your table one afternoon with two cups in his hands. 

 "Hi, I saw that your cup was empty… And I thought you might want another coffee." A touch of red could be seen on his cheeks when you looked at him in surprise. His blue eyes glowed when you smiled. 

"Thank you. But that wouldn't have been necessary." You picked up the cup, you felt the blood poured into your cheeks. “May I sit down?” “Oh, yes, of course, excuse me” You hastily took your bag off the other chair and nervously removed a few strands of hair from your face. 

 "I'm Bucky." “Y/n nice to meet you.”

Natasha

It was a pretty hot summer and everyone was on their way to the coast. Besides, it was summer holidays and you spent your two weeks of free time there as well. Only on your own you booked a suite in a hotel at the beach to have some time on your own. At 32 degrees you made your way to the pool. After a few hours and drinks later you noticed a woman next to you. She was sitting there completely silent and calm in black clothes.

"Aren’t you sweating?" Amazed you took off your sunglasses, staring at the red haired woman. She looked at you with a little smile on her lips. "Yes, but I'm here for work, besides, bikinis haven't been my favorite garments for some time." With a confused nod, you took note of her answer when an employee of the hotel passed by. "Anyways, can I buy you something cold to drink?" 

Minutes later, you both had a glass in your hand, she had water, and you had a colorful cocktail in your hands. She didn't talk much about her work, but told a little about herself after talking about your vacation. In the end, a look at the clock was the reason for her to get up.

"I have to go," she stroked her clothes smoothly and her red hair swirled through the light wind, "can I return the favor with a drink tonight for the good company?" Her bright smile let you hold your breath for a moment and you nod happily. "At the hotel bar? Ask for Natasha. I'll wait for you there."

Sam

"Gaye, Gaye, Gaye, Marvin Gaye!" you were delighted to find the name of one of your favorite singers on the shelf of the small stuffy vinyl store. Feverishly you had searched for new records and today you had landed in this store. One by one you went through all the records Marvin Gaye had released. 

"If you ask me, the Trouble Man soundtrack is the best thing ever composed, although You're all I need isn't bad either." Startled, you whirl around; a man was standing in front of you, you'd seen walking around with interest earlier. "Oh uh thanks for the tip, but I already knew that. Marvin Gaye is my favorite singer." Smiling widely you take the Trouble Man soundtrack off the shelf, watched by the stranger. 

"Oh really? I've never met a woman who calls Marvin Gaye her favorite singer." Astonished he examines you with a breathtaking smile on his lips. "Well you haven't met me yet either. Y/n." "Sam Wilson. Do you want to listen to the album together?" "I'd love to Sam."

Steve

Your Saturday evening wasn’t as expected. You have already made plans with your friends but unfortunately your mom called you to pick up your grandfather because she and your dad couldn’t make it. 

 You loved your grandpa, and you would do anything for him, but you couldn’t hold back an annoyed sigh as you started your car. No one waited at the entrance of the building as you arrived at the address. With one another sigh you walked through the entrance. 

You saw your grandpa immediately, sitting at the bar, as you stepped out of the elevator. Besides him many of his friends you already knew and two younger men standing near you. 

“Hi can I help you?” One of the men came closer with a friendly smile on his lips which made you blush because of the unexpected attention. He was tall, short blonde hair, beautiful eyes and the dark blue shirt showed off his muscles perfectly. “Hi. I’m here to pick up my grandpa.” Without looking away from these deep blue eyes, you answered noticing that your voice wasn’t as confident as you wanted. 

“Y/n sweetheart. Come sit down. I don't have as much time as the captain.” You both looked to your grandpa who was grinning with one beer in his hand. “How much did he drink?”

 You and the stranger both looked at each other with raised eyebrows, slowly realizing that it was Captain America who you were talking to. “Enough… I’m sorry.” His face showed that he was seriously sorry which made you grin again. “Everything’s fine. He’s old enough.” The blonde relaxed at your answer and offered you a beer with a wink.

 “I’m Steve by the way. Nice to meet you y/n.”

Thor

It was a pretty cheesy first to get to know. 

 You were on your way home early in the evening after you were at work all day. Completely exhausted, you typed wildly on your phone to answer some more mails before you started the weekend. In quick steps, you walked past bars where a number of people lured in the weekend with a few drinks. Your evening would consist of some take away food and Netflix for sure. One block away from the building where your apartment was, you ran into someone. 

 “Can't you look where you walk?!” With a less deliberate harsh voice, you slowly get back on your feet after landing on the ice-cold asphalt. Your counterpart had still stretched out his arms as if he wanted to help you, but you completely ignored that. 

 “Sorry Miss, it wasn't my intention to stamp on you. I was about to-” 

“Whatever, it's all right. No bones were broken." With clenched teeth, you rub your slightly hurting elbow. 

 “Are you sure everything's okay? Obviously, something hurts you." He pointed to your arm. “Everything's fine, thank you.” 

 For the first time, you looked into the piercing blue-grey eyes of the man, which just grew bigger when you answered. He looked good, no question. Two heads bigger than you, wide-built, blonde hair, which was tied in a braid, a few strands outlined his narrow face with a beard and those eyes that unintentionally captivated you. 

 “I'm really sorry. I'd like to make it up to you." You only took his melodic voice on the verge, like in trance, you were trying to make your hair look good again and staring at him. “Yes… gladly. By the way, I'm y/n." 

He watched your outstretched hand for a short moment until he finally took it and pressed a kiss on the back of the hand at lightning speed. “Thor. A pleasure to make your acquaintance y/n." "Okay, Thor, I'd say you're paying the first drink.“

Wanda

You were alone in the city to go shopping. In one store you found a lot of new clothes that you really wanted to try on. In the dressing room you put on a pair of Heels, pants, a top and a matching blazer and walked out to look at yourself in the big mirror in front of the dressing rooms. You noticed another woman wearing exactly the same outfit as you, in a lighter color, looking at herself in the same mirror a little further behind you. 

 "It suits you perfectly if I may say so." With a wide smile, you looked at her through the mirror. Her long brown wavy hair, heart shaped face with big brown eyes matches perfectly with the light colors. 

"Oh thank you so much, but it looks much better on you." She came up to you as you turned around and eyed you up and down. "You should definitely buy that. The shoes fit perfectly too."

Feeling embarrassed, because of another compliment from her, you brushed a loose strand of hair away, that had fallen out of your bun. 

 "But only if you buy it too." She nodded in agreement, "If you wear it the next time we see each other." 

 Speechless and surprised, you felt the uprising heat in your cheeks when her smile widened as she saw your embarrassment. You hastily nod which made her giggle. 

"This Friday at seven? I'll pick you up if you like, or we can meet somewhere." Slowly your speechless expression turned into a smile. "My place at 7. Here..." You handed her your cell phone. Hastily she typed her number, "Text me." With a wink, she disappeared into her cubicle. A glance at your cell phone screen told you her name. 

Wanda

[alexlwrites]

Liability

Summary: The one where your best friend of years and love of your life is getting married and wants you to be the maid of honor. Luckily for you, the best man is not exactly happy either.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader, Jungkook x Reader

Tags: Romance, Humor, Fluff, Angst

A/n: if you enjoy this, please comment and reblog. It really means the world to me and keeps me going!

Part 2: If one thing had been different  (1/3)

(Fanfic masterlist)

(support me on my ko-fi <3 )

(<<<Part one)

The weeks leading to the wedding day felt like a fever induced nightmare, hazy and blurry, filled with stomach aches and anxiety nausea. You threw yourself into work, typing until the tips of your fingers were calloused and your wrists hurt, only leaving the office when the janitor kicked you out with a broom to the butt.

You couldn’t avoid Taehyung. No, that would lead to questions with painful answers or over complicated, dead end lies. So you were avoiding yourself - filling every single second of your schedule with some sort of meaningless task, only resting when your body was exhausted enough to not even bother dreaming.

Sunken cheeks and eyes with purple galaxies around it, you carried yourself like a ghost from place to place, saving up energy for the days when you had to try wedding cakes and pretend that you weren’t going to throw them up later, when you agreed with whatever flower or fabric Haewon chose, holding back your real opinions out of spite, wanting to keep the details of the wedding you’ve planned since you were twelve to yourself.

You already stole the groom, you thought bitterly to yourself while sipping whatever champagne they offered at the venue at 2 pm on a Tuesday, you’re not stealing the lilies too. “No, yeah” you’d end up saying “roses are definitely the way to go.”

Taehyung didn’t notice your sudden introspection, didn’t bat an eye at your pale skin and bitten nails, blinded by Haewon’s ever growing brightness, both riding the newly-engaged high. At this point, you were comfortable on the sidelines, happy at their obliviousness. People in love were easy to fool - you had been fooling yourself for years.

In the first few wedding planning appointments, it was just you and Haewon. She wanted to choose the dress first and the process had a strict “no guys allowed” policy. So you followed her from store to store, accompanied by her supportive mom and overly critical friend, running your hands through dresses you were pessimistically sure you’d never get to wear.

“I still think this is too soon.” Aera, Haewon’s college friend, said in one of the dressing rooms, legs crossed and tapping her heel. Aera was nice and friendly, but vocal in a way that was starting to get to your nerves. Although both of you weren’t happy with the wedding, her approach was to complain her way through it. Yours was to pretend it wasn’t happening, hoping everything would be over.

“I know, Aera” Haewon replied, barely bothering to look at her friend, eyes fixed on her image in the mirror, shining in a lace dress “you have mentioned several times before.”

“But yet you’re still going through with it.”

You rolled your eyes, but didn’t say anything, just like you wished Aera would. Haewon saw your annoyed expression through the mirror and winked at you, amused at your annoyance. “Yes, Aera” she said in the same patient tone a person would use to explain something to a child “Funnily enough I don’t need your approval on all my decisions”.

“I’m not saying you do” Aera was not letting go and you wished for the millionth time you could leave or at least get a pair of earphones “but it is my job as your best friend to give you unsolicited advice. You have only been with Taehyung for like, a year and a half? And your career is just starting to pick up too! Is he really worth it all this…”

“As the groom’s best friend it is my job to tell you to not finish that thought.” you warned, voice still monotone and calm. You didn’t want to start anything with Aera, but you already hated this wedding enough on your own, you didn’t need her help “Look, I’m sure Haewon appreciates your input and how much you care, but if she’s not gonna listen to it then you should support her either way, not try to convince her to leave my best friend everytime we get together.”

Aera didn’t say much after that. She didn’t seem upset or chagrined, more deep in thought than anything else. All her commentary from then on revolved only around the dresses and so the fitting carried on quietly and without further problems.

Later, when the sun was getting down and you were just getting ready to leave the store, Haewon pulled you to the side gently before you had the chance to escape. “Hey, I just wanna thank you for today” she said, closing the door behind her in one of the rooms filled with white gowns “I know Aera can be too much sometimes and I know she didn’t mean to insult Tae or anything…”

You waved her off, avoiding eye contact “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I get it, really, she’s just looking out for you.”

Haewon had smart eyes, you’ve always thought so. Her stare made you feel exposed, vulnerable, never 100% comfortable. “Taehyung cares a lot about what you think, you know” she sat down in one of the couches “If you said something to him, like Aera’s been saying to me… I don’t think he would’ve gone through with it”.

You wished people would stop telling you how much power you had over this wedding. It felt like the universe was tempting you, giving the opportunity to stop it, to have it your way. But in the end, you could never bring yourself to purposefully get in the way of Taehyung’s happiness, even if for a second you thought you could make him happier.

“I wouldn’t do that.” you ended up saying, crossing your fingers over your lap.

“I know that. Well, now I do.” your heart stopped for a second and silence hung like a death sentence before Haewon continued “You know, before I dated Taehyung I dated a guy for a little over a year and I really thought he was it for me. But he had this best friend and they went way back, just like you and Tae, and I would get so nervous around her. It always felt like a competition, always felt like a pick-your-favorite game that I never won” you didn’t say anything, couldn’t even if you tried “They started dating a week after we broke up.”

The story is so similar but so different at the same time - how many times had the world created variations of the same heartbreak?

“When Taehyung first told me about you, I almost broke up with him” she continued, voice a little quieter, a bit more strained “I thought it would be the same thing all over again. But I just liked him so much.”

You closed your eyes, thinking that maybe you could pretend for a couple of seconds that you weren’t your awful self, someone who spent so much of their times daydreaming of scenarios where you got to be happy and this girl didn’t, where you were the one that got the guy and she got her heart re-shattered.

“And when I first saw you…” well, that probably gave you some peace of mind, you mused bitterly to yourself, nothing to fear here, just a depressed, teletubbie-looking chick “I thought it was a lost battle already.”

If life had a soundtrack, the sound of a scratched vinyl would play loudly enough to scare every bride in the store.

“What?!” you exclaimed, eyes flying open in surprise.

“You are so great, Y/N” Haewon’s tone was so soft “and it sucks that you don’t see yourself the way literally everyone else does.”

Who the fuck is everyone else, you thought, but didn’t say anything, please send them my way.

“You’re so funny, so warm and smart and when you talk everyone in the room listens” she must’ve read the confusion in your face, the absolute bafflement, because as she continued, exasperated “Taehyung cares so much about you and I just thought… I could never really compete with you.”

Huh.

It almost made you laugh, the sick irony of it all, the ridiculousness of this race you both created and then stopped running, thinking the other would inevitably win. How much time you wasted torturing yourself nitpicking everything Haewon had that you didn’t, not thinking that perhaps she was going through the same thing.

“But you’ve never made me feel like I was losing, Y/N.” Haewon grabbed your hand, interlacing your fingers together “You’ve always been so kind and welcoming to me and I’m so thankful for you not making this feel like a competition. For allowing me to be happy with Taehyung.”

The cheap champagne was swirling in your stomach and you felt like throwing up, but what else was new?

“I just want him to be happy.” you had been holding these words close to your chest, repeating to yourself like a mantra. And though it didn’t bring you much peace, it seemed to be enough for Haewon.

“Thank you” she repeated, giving you a hug and a watery smile.

“You’re welcome.” you awkwardly patted her back, hoping she wouldn’t start crying otherwise you would too “Now that I know how important I’ve been to this relationship, don’t expect any wedding gifts from me.”

“You already told me you got us a mini bar.”

“And I’m keeping it to myself. I’m gonna fill it with skin care and alcohol.”

Haewon shook her head “God, you sound just like Taehyung.”

You know the saying, you thought while walking out into the street, still hand in hand with her, like repel like.

[princecupcakee]

Park Bench | Reddie

Read on AO3

Rating: E

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 3,320

Chapter: 3/8

Past Chapters: Chapter 1 (AO3), Chapter 2 (AO3)

Next Chapters: Chapter 4 (AO3)

Summary: Recently divorced and ‘incapable of love’, Eddie Kaspbrak moves to Los Angeles for work and a small, small hope of a fresh start. Broken up and never dated again, Richie Tozier tries to get back into love with help from his love of music. Quickly meeting eyes and one concert later, they think that maybe love isn’t that bad. So they try it one more time.

Chapter 3: Richie Tozier At The Movies, Eddie Kaspbrak With His Thoughts & Richie Tozier With His Guitar

Tags/Warnings: Angst / Unhappy Ending / theres only one sex scene but this is explicit anyway / Bisexual Richie Tozier / Gay Eddie Kaspbrak / Post-Divorce / Implied/Referenced Cheating / Inspired By Remembering Sunday (All Time Low) / Inspired by The Book Ninja by Ali Berg / Implied/Referenced Child Abuse / Implied/Referenced Abuse / Implied/Referenced Manipulation

Tag-list: @richietoaster​ , @s-s-georgie​ , @mikeuris​ , @gazebobullshit​ , @that-weird-girls-blog​ , @tozierking​ , @thoughtfullyyoungduck​ , @s-onora​ , @bellarosewrites​ , @lermanslogan​ , @ambitiousskychild​ , @ghostnebula​ , @vanillaredvelvet​ ,

(Ask if you wanna be on the tag-list!!)

Chapter 3

Richie Tozier At The Movies

After bringing Eddie home that morning he set out for his next vinyl-date (the name was a work in progress) before going to his sister’s house. He tried to have his head in it, he did, but all throughout the car ride, he couldn’t think straight. He wondered how Eddie was, what he was doing on his day off. He couldn't think of anything even when he had already gotten there. He needed to focus, he wanted to, but he couldn’t stop his head from floating into the clouds.

So when he walked into the movie theatre, he knew he should’ve just stayed home. Alex looked amazing and Richie knew that, but that didn’t really help. They’d picked a new action movie that was heard to have a song from the record in its soundtrack. By that time, he had dropped over 30 records on the local subway, have gotten multiple emails from music lovers like himself, and gone on quite a few dates already. A few memorable ones were Will, a man from Hawkins getting over a lost love, had talked a little too much about said lost love. The two decided to stay as friends. After that was a date with Theo, a New Yorker in search of a painting and person. Similar to Will, in search of his lost love, they’ve decided to stay friends as well. Now, Alex, a writer from New York City who moved to LA two years ago in search of new love, had messaged him after he dropped, ‘Appetite For Destruction.’

“Hi! Richie, yeah?” Alex smiled at him, holding a bowl of popcorn and two drinks. Richie nodded as politely as he could as he thought, ‘why doesn’t Eddie have the same accent?’ “Cool,” Alex hummed, “lets go?” “Sure.”

Richie was glad they went to the movies. It was dark and loud, and your excuse to not pay attention to your date is staring intensely at the screen to look like your focused on it. So, for ninety long minutes, he plotted about the easiest ways to get out of this date. ‘I have a dentist’s appointment’ sounded a bit too rude and overdone to him, ‘I have to take care of my niece and nephew’ was true, but sounded pretty useless. From the 90 minutes, he was able to think up nothing. 

“That was a nice movie,” Alex began, smiling at Richie. “Yeah, it really was,” Richie smiled, “but, uh, see, I gotta run." “sure,” Alex waved, slightly annoyed. Richie turned around didn’t look back.

Richie sat in the backseat of his car, staring at its ceiling. He started this to find love, to move on from what happened with Connor, and breathe. But now its seems like a waste of time to him. He can’t even focus on a date without just leaving to sit around in his car. And for what reason? He didn’t even know. He’s getting all of the chances that he didn't get but he’s just throwing them away. He’s just leaving and wasting. Maybe he just doesn’t get that chance. Maybe he just shouldn’t.

He checks his phone for the time and squishes to the front of the car. He didn’t need the stereo, he needs something going for him, no matter how deafening. Drumming a steady beat on to the steering wheel, “Robert’s got a quick hand.” Finishing the first verse, he turns his keys and drives out of the space. “All the other kids with the pumped up kicks,” he swayed his head side to side slightly driving over to Annie’s house.

Eddie Kaspbrak With His Thoughts

Eddie laid down on his bed checking the large, fancy clock hanging above his head, 2:30 PM. After the magnificent sunrise he witnessed with one, handsome, charming, funny, surprisingly smart Richie Tozier, he went home. Richie winked and said ‘wait’ after he brought Eddie back, and of course, that sent the shorter of the two in a bit of a craze.

He’d never felt this. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. It was strong and wouldn’t let him breathe and made his heart explode. When he laughed, when he sang, when he smiled, Eddie couldn’t keep his mind off Richie. It wasn’t like this with Myra. How could it have been? She was there, to keep him alive, not let him live. ~ “Eddie-bear, have you taken your pills yet? You know, you’re mother called me last week, reminding me that you have a seafood allergy, why did you never tell me about that? I’m your wife, Eddie. I’m supposed to know these things about you! What if you ate something that made you sick? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, Eddie! Do you want that? Do you want me to be in pain?” ~ But with Richie everything seemed, brighter. He never said anything Myra did, he never forced Eddie to do something he never wanted to do, he never put words into Eddie’s mouth. ‘It’s clearly too early though, I mean four days? Can you fall in love in four days?’ Eddie dropped his urge to Google that, not wanting to get up (or be disappointed if no, you couldn’t fall in love in four days.) He was never strong. Physically, emotionally, he had always lost. He was never brave. He was the one that sat on the sidelines, afraid to see what’ll happen. Afraid to listen to what he wants. Was that because of his mother, or Myra, or him? He never really wanted to find out.

Sonia was controlling, she watched Eddie’s every move, didn’t let him do anything. Sonia introduced the two, and Eddie thought he had to fall in love. When Eddie married Myra, he thought that maybe he would be slightly freer. He was very visibly wrong. She wasn’t any different from his mother. After 15 years of being married, he realized hoe abusive his mother was, how he didn’t want that marriage anymore, and how more appealing men are to women. He told Myra the night he filed their divorce, all she did was leave the room. She left the room to call his mother. ~ “Don’t you just love her, Eddie? She’s smart, she’s kind, she’s responsible, and she knows how to take care of you! You were such a mischievous child back then, when you played with that stuttering friend of yours, he was such a bad influence on you. Isn’t he… queer? I can’t even say the word. Disgusting. You shouldn’t have been friends with him, Eddie. Are you still friends with him? You must get him out of your life immediately, Eddie! I don’t want my Eddie-bear being like him.” ~ But what if he was in love? What if he was in love with a man? A man he’d only known for four days? Eddie sighed, fighting back tears. He didn’t need this. He shouldn’t be doing this.

He walked out of his room, feeling as if he can’t breathe there. But this is Los Angeles. This isn’t home. He walked down the long hallways heading down the stairs back to the library. Why had he come here? He didn’t know either or, he did, just didn’t want to say it. Eddie took a vinyl from the bottom of the shelf, ‘Never Trust A Happy Song’ in a small font above ‘Grouplove.’ He didn’t know any songs on it, but he figured anything would be better than being trapped in silence with his own memories.

He tried to mimic Richie’s moves from before, failing quite a few times. He winced at the loud sound of what seemed to be the end of a song. ‘Take me to your best friend's house, roll around this roundabout, oh yeah,’ played in the- Eddie really needed to Google what that thing was, ‘can you fall in love in four days?’ Rang in his head once again, forcing him to put his phone down and take a seat in the large chair before him.

He wondered what Richie was doing, why’d he had asked him to ‘wait’ and then leave. He wondered if maybe Richie had fallen in love before. If maybe Richie felt how he did. He wasn’t supposed to, that was sure, but he wanted to. He wanted to know the feeling of loving and being loved, maybe he had, maybe Myra was the feeling of loving and being loved. Or maybe it was Richie. Eddie wouldn’t know. He had hoped it would be Richie though. That made him smile, nothing like what he had gone through with Myra.

But it was also his fault. It may have done him good but it was still wrong. He may have needed it but that still wasn’t acceptable. He did do it. He wasn’t being responsible, he wasn’t being right. He did owe Myra something for what he did. He could’ve done it simpler, and not ruin his marriage in the most unnecessary way there was. He had to go to that bar, that night. ‘Somethings are too good to pass’ he tried to make a good excuse, but he knew it wouldn’t have worked. He was right.

But he didn’t owe Myra his life or his heart, he owed her an apology, a divorce, and something that would have been better for both of them. And what was better for both of them was leaving. It wasn’t exactly leaving New York, it was just leaving, no longer in each other’s lives and forget. Forgetting has always been much easier than actually facing your problems. Forgetting left things there, not having to see them anymore and not thinking. Forgetting meant, even for a little while, nothing can be any worse.

‘Don’t take me tongue tied, don’t wave no goodbye,’ He’d never heard this song before, but something about it made him feel like he did. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, something about it would make him feel like he knew himself, too.

Richie Tozier With His Guitar

He rang the doorbell, running to the side of the porch to not be seen. He crouched below the window and as if on cue, a little girl pushed the curtains away and looked out the window. “I know thats, you Richie!” A little girl said, opening her front door. “Aw, how’d you know that Maddie?” He said, ruffling her hair. “Mommy said you were coming,” she said putting her hands on her hips. “Just you and Walter today?” “Yup!” “Alright, go get your brother, I’ll be in the living room. Your mom’s gonna be calling any second now,” he said as he watched Maddison walk up the stairs and call her brother.

Richie walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch, moving the guitar from his back to the floor. Just as he predicted, his sister rang the phone, “I’m already here Annie. They’re getting their guitars, we’re playing stuff today.” “Thanks, Rich. I owe you,” she sighed gratefully over the phone. “No problem. I missed these goblins anyway.” “Okay, thank you so much, I have to go. Mom’s gonna be there soon. Oh and tell Walter to help Maddie with her painting, she gets really unhappy when he doesn’t and-“ “I know this already, go.” “Thank you, Richie.” “Your my sister, its my job,” Richie laughed and put the phone down.

“We’re here!” Maddison smiled, brother in tow. “Hi uncle Richie,” Walter said softly, sitting by Richie’s feet with knees against his chest.

He was two years older than Maddison, the same age gap him and Annica had. Maddie was five while Walter was seven. The two were fairly opposite, Walter preferring to keep to himself while Maddie was outgoing and social. Outside of her sister, he raised them. Annie was a good mother, but being a single one, she didn’t have it any easy either. Her husband died less than three years ago from an accident. Thats why he came over more and took care of her kids more. It didn’t help that the whole problem with Connor rose in the time of this and him having a responsibility to not fuck up kids left him out of it for a while. Until he was just angry, he never took it out on anyone, that he made sure of, but he was just angry at love. Maddie and Walter were a help though, it made him forget. Forgetting is much easier than confronting, its like painting over graffiti like it was never there.

“What are we playing today?” Maddie asked, leaning her head to the side exaggeratedly. “What’s a song you guys want?” Richie asked looking back and forth between the two. Walter stood up, walking to the small shelf that sat by the TV. He walked back with a cassette tape in hand. A paper was stuck on to the tape, and in small letters and font, ‘Tongue Tied - Grouplove’ written on it. Richie smiled kindly at him, “How do you know this song?” He simply shrugged and urged him to take the tape. “Lets play it then,” Richie nodded while picking up his guitar. Walter held breath to say something, Richie having to give him permission before he did. “I already know the beginning. C-could you teach me the middle?” “Which part?” “After the second chorus.” “Sure. Anyone wanna sing?” “Can I sing with you? Like, you're gonna sing and I’m gonna sing too, both of us sing!” Maddie said excitedly with big hand gestures (Richie wondered if part of that was his doing. He assumed that it probably was.) Richie nodded, “one two three four,” G. “Don’t take me tongue tied,” G. Then, C. “let’s stay up all night,” He sang with Maddie. “I'll get real high.” Richie sang as Maddie shook her head. Despite Richie’s smile, a dark room, broken glass, smoke, tears, screaming, flood his head. ‘Fuck! Can’t I do anything right?’ He cried that night. “Slumber party, pillow fight,” The two sung in harmony again, “My eyes and your eyes, Like Peter Pan up in the sky,” Maddie sang bringing her hand up above her head to mimic Peter Pan flying. Walter and Richie laughed. “My best friend's house tonight,” Richie sang. ‘Stan? You there? Look, I-I need a place to stay. I’ll tell you about it when I’m there. Yeah… yeah, Th-thanks.’ “Let's bump the beats till beddy-bye,” Richie smiled, despite fighting back tears. ‘Connor. Connor. Connor.’ He thought. “Don’t take me tongue tied,” Richie sang. ‘Eddie. Eddie. Eddie.’ He thought, the tears behind his eyes, drying away, “Don't wave no goodbye.”

By the time they had sung three songs, Maggie and Wentworth were already at the door. He said his goodbyes and walked back to his car. Hearing the first song back again in his head, his breathing sped. He threw his head back and whispered to himself, “Breathe, Richie. breathe.” He thought about how uncomfortable and disgusted Connor looked when he got down on one knee. He remembered how Connor screamed at him, how Connor mocked him for thinking that he actually loved Richie the way Richie did for him. ‘Please.’ ~ “What? What the fuck?” Richie thought he was just surprised. “Dude, gross. I wouldn’t marry a man. That’s fucking gross. Look, man. I have a girlfriend, we aren’t fucking together. Thats so fucking weird.” “but I- I thought-“ “Thought what? That we were together? Fucking gross. Get out.” ~ Richie turned on his stereo. Anything is better than this. He didn’t need to cry, he didn’t need to listen to whatever the fuck was going on in his head. He doesn’t need to stay, he can leave.’ Please, don't let me down,’ the radio played loudly. Richie thought it was weird, songs like these weren’t on the radio, but he sang along anyway. “Please, don't let me down, You better come around,” he softly sang against the loud radio. He never liked his voice much. He used it for comedy, for words he didn’t want to say. He didn’t know how to describe it, but he felt as if he just shouldn’t sing, he sounded better doing impressions anyway. Although some people like it, like Walter and Maddie, he wondered if Eddie liked it too. “You save yourself, I'll save myself each time around,” he sang louder, trying to catch what his voice sounded like. ~ “Stan? You there? Look, I-I need a place to stay. I’ll tell you about it when I’m there.” “You can always stay here Richie. Don’t worry,” Stan sounded like he already knew. Richie guessed everybody saw it coming. “Yeah… yeah, Th-thanks.’ Richie tried not to break into tears. ~ He was going to go drive to Eddie. He was horrified, but he was gonna go to Eddie. As much as he would hate to admit it, he needed him. Needing Eddie to love him, thats debatable but needing for Eddie to be around him, he knew he really did need it. He hoped maybe Eddie needed him too. “You save yourself, I'll save you too next time around,” he sang. When Eddie smiled up at him he didn’t know if he could breathe. It was never like this with Connor. With Connor he always wondered who the woman that left their apartment was, with Connor, he always got shouted at and argued with. With Eddie, he smiled, his heart raced, his stomach churned and it was never like it was with Connor. “I'm not around, I haven't been here for a while,” he sang, the electric feeling coursing through his veins.

“You know I'll never be back now,” He shouldn’t break his own heart. Connor’s gone. He’s not coming back, and Richie’s thankful for that. With Connor gone, maybe someone else will stay. Maybe Eddie will. Richie smiled at the thought of it.

He ignored the nagging feeling of possibly not being loved back— again.

[rustbeltjessie]

Five years ago, I began putting a book together—a collection of my writings themed around punk music/punk subculture. They were all written between ‘99 and 2014, and had previously appeared in my own zines that had since gone out of print, or other zines or online magazines that had gone out of print/gone dark; style-wise, they ran the gamut from CNF to lyric essay to music criticism. I decided to crowdfund and self-publish the book, but at that point I didn’t really know what I was doing in regards to either crowdfunding or publishing full books. The book was almost ready to go but the artist I’d commissioned never finished the cover art, and my crowdfunding campaign hadn’t been entirely successful, and I wound up not having enough money to publish it.

About a year after I realized I couldn’t do it the way I’d initially planned, the book was picked up by a small press. My plan was to buy enough author copies to fulfill the initial crowdfunded preorders, and hopefully sell even more than that. With the help of an editor, I partially rewrote some older pieces and wrote some new ones to flesh it out a bit more. They found someone to do the cover and interior art, and put up a preorder page; I got blurbs from some of my favorite writers. It was all basically ready to go. But shit happened, and the press folded, and the book was once again dead in the water. (I’m not naming the press here, because my intention here is not to call anyone out. The people involved in all that are friends of mine, and as a small press owner myself I understand that shit happens. The saddest part about that whole thing is that I don’t get to use the cover and interior art we had, because it was amazing.)

I’ve recently realized that I need to get the book out in some way, because I need to put it behind me. For one thing, I feel badly that the people who crowdfunded or preordered never received anything. For another, I just need to move on, and I can’t fully move on until I get it out into the world. So I’ve decided to self-release it. For right now, I’m only making a digital version. I know, I know, print is way better, but I don’t have the funds to print it right now, and I’m certainly not going to ask people to pre-pay for it a third time. I’ve redone it somewhat—took out some of the weaker pieces, added in some others I’ve written in the past three years—and I’ve used my own artwork for the interior and done the cover in a zine-y/Xerox art style. I’ve uploaded it to Payhip, for a sliding-scale, pay-what-you-want price. This way, people who already paid for it (or just can’t afford it otherwise) can download it for free, and other people who can/want to throw a few $$ my way can do that. Most importantly: finally, finally, five years later, What We Talk About When We Talk About Punk will be released unto the world. — Here’s what some rad people had to say about WWTAWWTAP in its original incarnation: Love letters to way-too-late whiskey-drunk nights, stolen hearts and stolen kisses, small- town parking lots and bad decisions and even badder girls, WWTAWWTAP is a gritty and gorgeous series of riffs on living and loving punk. Like your very first show all over again, it'll set your blood on fire. —Sarah McCarry, author of the Metamorphoses trilogy and editor/publisher of the Guillotine series What We Talk About When We Talk about Punk distills wild nights of loud music, cheap whisky, and fugitive romance into a pure tonic. Jessie Lynn McMains’s voice is as indelible as a stick-and-poke tattoo and her autobiographical stories vividly capture the highs and lows of punk-rock youth. Pull on your leather jacket, grab a bottle of something, climb up onto the roof, and read this book. —Jeff Miller, author of Ghost Pine: All Stories True Wearing music like a jacket, that’s one of the things Jessie says about herself in these pages. I find that very admirable and inspiring. It gives a wonderful perspective to not only observe oneself in the moment, and in the past, but to feel the effect of that topic of study and passion on you, pressed against your skin. Jessie’s very subjective approach succeeds, and doesn’t fall into, impenetrable in-crowd self absorption, because she is smart enough to allow an adequate amount of objectivity and analysis to let her audience vibrantly see and feel her own experiences as if we are there with her. Music is a good reference point because lyrics, rhythm, and melody hit deep beyond the intellect into the emotions. You can always put on a CD, or vinyl record, or cassette and be transported to other places and times. These personal essays did this very thing to me, like listening to music. She becomes the jacket that we put on as we hear the lyricism of her stories. We are always with Jessie in her writings. The hyper-awareness that she uses to capture her memories to be pondered again and again, as we read on, immersing ourselves in her writing, is crucial. We are reading something that is alive and learning it’s own lessons. We can picture her being transformed by her own documenting of her experiences, becoming a complex being, a well informed member of humankind. She is infused with the playfulness and philosophy found in music and she demonstrates the frightening willingness to view oneself through a microscope. I find this fascinating. Therefore, because of this heart-on-her-sleeve writing style, when we allow ourselves to engage with her words on the page, to be as vulnerable as she has allowed herself to be, we too are transformed. Her words have gone from jacket to skin. We are there feeling her sexually charged reaction to Rock and Roll. We experience the sensual allure of the human body. With her we dive head first into decadence, decay, nostalgia, and hope. Her bouts of loneliness and need for community are palpable. We are bruised by the violence, the drugs, the suffering. We are stifled and also warmed by the dying and the regenerating of a constantly changing musical style. We witness the passing of friends and idols. We share in her understanding of what it means to be an outcast, and more specifically, how it feels to be a female outcast, to be a mother and a rebel. Through the willingness to wear this book like a jacket, like a skin, we not only see who Jessie is but we learn about the daily life behind the music, of people, inspired by their own creativity and the creativity of others, trying to simply be, to live a life worth living. This isn’t just a collection of diary entries, a memoir, it is an opportunity to look at oneself. Why are you a punk? Or perhaps even more importantly, why aren’t you a punk? —John “Jughead” Pierson, podcaster (“Jughead’s Basement”), musician (Even in Blackouts, founding member of Screeching Weasel), author Jessie Lynn McMains weaves the threads of her own life with a typewriter ribbon on a loom fashioned from melted records and empty 40's. The end result is fascinating, an ultrapersonal look at a life shaped by punk, forged by punk, fired by punk. What We Talk About When We Talk About Punk has music at its core and surrounding it on all sides, but its main muscle is the reaction to that, the response. Thoughts thought while listening to a perfect mixtape that takes you far away from the blah street you've found yourself living on (and a secret peek at the science behind that perfect tape), the thrill when a cute girl comes into your crappy job and gets why the 1" button on your jacket is so important. Notes scrawled on diner napkins and on the back of show flyers, now compiled into book form! —Ocean Capewell, author of The Most Beautiful Rot and High On Burning Photographs zine At 16 I cut my hair with a razor and dyed it black, looking at my reflection in the mirror that night I was convinced I was the spit of Richard Hell. When I think back through my own punk history, the bands, the friendships and the crushes; the obsessions that took over my life, led me to zines and the community I was desperately searching for, I can see with perfect clarity how I arrived at this point. As an adult woman these things are intrinsic parts of me. And that’s what Jessie’s writing does, it kicks you in the gut then hands you a cold beer. She knows. Jessie is the real deal; she is the girl Cometbus, one of the great zinesters of our time. If you want me, I’ll be in my room listening to my tapes. —Cherry Styles, writer, editor/publisher of The Chapess — You can download it here. Then listen to the official soundtrack here. (Pretend it’s on a tape, okay?) xoxo, the writer formerly known as Jessica Disobedience

[talltalesandbedtimestories]

A View To A Winchester (Part 16)

Series Page

Summary: Julie’s starting a new life after divorce in a home with a very nice view.

A Dean X OFC story. I got this idea staring out the view of my home office window and thinking how nice it would be to have Dean Winchester to ogle.

Section Word Count: 3,200    

Section Content: fluff, flirting, angst, smut, R-rated language, oral sex

~~~~~

The drive back from Cas and Jack’s, after dropping them off, was quiet except for the airstream whipping past and into Baby’s cabin, and the Zeppelin soundtrack. Dean liked that Julie seemed fine just… being. And, just being with him. Not a ton of talk filling up the space between them.

After two weeks of being brushed off by Julie - dealing in her own way, which he respected, with the crazy shit she’d gone through - he felt anything but distant from her now. He’d come to terms with a lot during Julie’s unspoken restraining order. One, that this was turning into something greater than an infatuation. Another, Julie was not another hot chick of the week that he could save and reap sexy rewards and move on. This was not a throwback to his full-time hunting slash lothario days. Most important and scariest: he really wanted to keep her in his inner circle.

The question that kept resounding in his head. How? How would he do that, tell her everything, deal with the fallout? How does anything normal form after I show my hand? He could make love to this beautiful woman for days and days and enjoy every goddamn second of it. But, how could he really get close to her? And keep her safe? He realized how much he craved wanting to keep her safe. Story of my life.

Fuck it. Just making my head hurt with this round and round bullshit. She’s here. Now. His fingers crept over the front seat and wedged into the slit of crossed, warm, silky bare thighs. With a nonchalant motion, she angled more in his direction and allowed better access. A light smirk lined her lips as she stared out the passenger side window; the curve of her nose more prominent in the profile he glanced at again and again. He didn’t tease further, even though he wanted to dip his fingers into her folds; see if she was wet, soaked. He’d been dealing with a semi all fucking day, after all. She better be drenched. Only fair.

His palm pressed into her skin. Just inches away from that sweet snack. His tongue swirled in his mouth, remembering how tangy and sweet she tasted. How she bucked and twisted and ticked like a little time bomb. How gorgeous she looked when she came for him. He debated if he should pull off to the shoulder and eat her out again before they got home. Right in the front seat. He shook his head. No. That’ll lead to a fast and quick fuck. Way too quick. Dean shifted in his seat and caught Julie staring at him in confusion. “What are you arguing with yourself about?” She smiled.

Dean cleared his throat. “Nothin.”

By the time he was at his front door, working the lock open, he was amped and ready to pounce. It took every ounce of will power to rein in his need.

Her body leaned into his back. The warmth of her chin rested into the dip under his shoulder blades. “Getting tired, sweetheart?”

“Nope. Just like being close to you.”

He smiled, gaining entry. “So cheesy, it’s cute.”

“Yeah. You’re rubbing off on me.”

A flick of a nearby wall switch turned on the ceiling fan light in the living room. His eyes inventoried the space. Not the cleanest; but not the dirtiest it’s been, either. He spun and pulled her into the house by an arm and kicked the door closed. “I wanna rub all over you.”

Julie’s surprised and awakened eyes met his grin. She laughed. “Promise?”

His body pressed into the curves he wanted to memorize and ride all damn night. He nodded into a kiss that began on her lips, swept over her cheeks and trailed down the side of her neck. His fists curled into and tightened the t-shirt around her waist. “Italians do it better, huh?” He mumbled against her skin. ”We’ll see about that.”

A tight hitch of air caught in his throat at the feel of her fingers searching, finding, then fumbling with his belt buckle. His cock was inflating to fuck ready status in his jeans at an alarming rate, even for him. The strap loosened in an instant. Clinking of metal. A deft pull of leather through the denim loops, like a rip cord. Or a whip. The thought of Julie in a shiny black vinyl bustier swinging a riding crop made him bite his bottom lip.

His posture straightened. He dipped his chin to his chest to examine her thorough attentiveness with the task at hand. He didn’t relent his hold, pulling her even closer with clenched fists twisted in her t-shirt. The top of her lids and long lashes fluttered, staring at her own hands unbuttoning, unzipping. Quick inhales and exhales escaped her open mouth. He spied the tip of her tongue teasing that cupid’s bow. “Shit.” He moaned at the sight and feel of her fingers delving under the denim of his open fly, under the waistband of his boxer briefs, touching the heat and rigid state of his cock. She caressed and cupped his bulge, flicking her thumb over the head.

She tilted her face up to stare at him with those pretty brown eyes, tinted dark and heavy with lust. She rose up on tiptoes and kissed him. Her tongue tasted, investigated, matching the pace of her now stroking fingers.

His tongue swirled and danced with hers until she took a long languid suck. She pulled on the tip, held it hostage, then nibbled. The responsive muscle popped out of her mouth and he gasped. “Like having your way with me, sweetheart?” His chest heaved.

She grinned and nodded. “I wanna taste you.”

He gulped. “Bedroom’s this way.”

A shake of her head swung her ponytail. “Here. Can’t wait a second longer.” She kissed his lips one more time. The slide down his body was slow, meeting resistance from Dean who refused to release her t-shirt from his grasp. A sigh escaped from her lips. She pulled her hands out of his pants and lifted arms straight up. His eyes widened as she shimmied out of the shirt like it was a snake skin. The hypnotic display ended with her kneeled in front of him in a white cotton bra and those sweet jean shorts. The tops of her breasts stuffed into the cups rose and fell with her eagerness. His eyes lit up, glancing behind at the bare soles of her cute little feet. When the hell did she take off her sneakers and socks? She’s a little magician.

“That’s not gonna be comfortable on the hardwood, sweetheart.” He groaned at the pull of her fingers to get his jeans and underwear off. “Wait. Just a couple seconds longer.” He tossed her inside out t-shirt on one of the plaid couch cushions and strained to reach the blanket he always had over one of the armrests. He toed out of his sneakers and tossed the folded throw on the floor between them. His hands pulled her up by her armpits like a ragdoll. Long enough to nudge the blanket under her knees. “You’ll thank me later. Not as young as we used to be.” He grinned.

“You’ll thank me now.” She hummed and worked all of his bottom layers off in one quick peel to his thighs. His cock sprung out. She licked her lips at the sight and rocked back on her heels. “Of course, even this is pretty.” His grin dropped when her fingers slipped around the length and stroked, steady and slow. “Something this pretty shouldn’t have had to suffer all day.”

Damn. He rocked his head back. She’s good at this. “Longer than that.” He whispered.

“Hm?” He felt her rise up, using his cock as a handlebar. “What did you say?” Warm breath breezed over the tip. Her tongue flicked out to taste him. “Hm.” A satisfied moan. “What did you say, baby?” she repeated.

Shit. She’s using ‘baby’ now, too. He grit his teeth as the pace of her strokes picked up. He stared at the ceiling. “Been longer than a day.” The statement released from his throat with a struggle.

“How long has it been?” Another taste.

The words hiccupped out with each downward pump on his dick. He wouldn’t have been able to lie at that moment, even if he tried. “I haven’t… taken care of things… since that night we... were interrupted... by Cas.”

She stilled. “What?”

He sighed at the reprieve, still staring at the ceiling. “Lot going on, sweetheart. You were in the hospital and then when you got back home, things were… well, all that stuff you’ve been working through... I was too worried about you to jack off to naughty thoughts involving you.”

“Dean.” There was a hint of amazement in her voice.

God. I can feel her breath on my dick. Gonna cum on her face like it’s my goddamn first time if I can’t slow it down. Think about something else, anything else. Maybe I should paint the ceiling soon.

“That’s been over two weeks. Is that… normal for you?” Her fingers squeezed the base of his cock.

I can probably grab a couple gallons at the paint depot this week. He shrugged. “I’m pretty regular. Once a day. Sometimes more than that.”

“Have you been saving that all for me?”

I can hear the grin in her voice. Why the hell did I think abstaining was such a good idea again? “Did you think I was kidding earlier? When I said the next time I came it was going to be inside of you?”

Her lips pressed to the tip of his cock. “You didn’t specify where inside of me.” She moaned and without any warning sucked him into her mouth.

Dean hissed at the wet, pillowy texture of her beautiful mouth surrounding his pulsing, rock hard length. She took him in slow, humming in what sounded like gratitude to Dean’s ear. Her fingers wrapped and worked the stem. “Goddamn it, sweetheart.” He let out a low growl.

Her mouth and hands pulled back. “Dean. Look at me.” He groaned and dropped his head. Her lips were pink and full, eyes narrowed, palms resting on her thighs. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No.” He stroked her cheek. “Just, not as young as I used to be.”

“You’ve already said that.” She smiled and leaned into his fingers. “Neither am I. I think age provides some worthwhile experience.”

He sighed. “Oh, I agree. You’ve definitely got the experience part down.” Shit, that didn’t come out right. She didn’t seem to be paying his words much mind, with his cock in her face. “But, I let go now, don’t know how much good I’m going to be…” Her head tilted. She caught his thumb in her mouth, never breaking eye contact. One slow suck. “Damn.” Dean gulped.

“Do you want to let go?” She asked when she finished giving his digit attention.

He nodded.

“Then let go. One condition.” His cock twitched when her fingers held onto the base again. “You keep your eyes on me. And, I gotta hear that voice of yours, baby.”

He grinned as she moved closer to the tip, dripping with precum. “That’s two conditions.” He cradled the back of her head, fingers burrowing into her hair. “Lick my cock, sweetheart.”

She moaned, pressed her tongue to the tip, then swiped it over her lips. They glistened with his slick. Another long lick. “You’re going to cum so hard, aren’t you?” she asked in a low whisper.

There it is. That sexy as hell tone. “Yeah.” He grunted.

Pumping him now, using his excitement to lube him up, as she continued. “I’m gonna feel it, pulsing through this thick cock, right before you give me all of it.”

“Hm. Suck me, baby. I want to feel that nasty, sweet little mouth wrapped around me.” His fingertips dug into her scalp. She did what she was told. Lips slurped him down, mouth suctioned to his skin. The tongue swirled up at the tip before her mouth descended to swallow as much of his length as she could. Over and over. “Fuckin’ hell. That’s nice. Just like that. So fuckin’ good, baby.”

The moan in response vibrated into his cock. Her hands gripped his ass, using the leverage to push him into her mouth deeper. The position of her head and mouth maneuvered his cock like a lever. He could feel the tip hit the back of her throat. She gagged, took a second to regroup, then continued. When the tip eased down her throat the next time she swallowed in acceptance. Then again. Every damn time.

“Shit.” He groaned loud and pistoned his hips with her guidance. “Fucking your mouth feels so sweet. I can’t wait to fuck that pussy.”

More moans in agreement.

“I’m close, baby.”

Moaning.

“You ready?”

“Mm-hm.” One of Julie’s hands gripped the base.

“Fuck.” Dean moaned. His body tensed. All his energy shot straight to his cock. He felt his cum pulse through him, under her fingers. It spilled warm and thick into her mouth, wrapped tight around his tip. She moaned in surprise at the surge as it kept coming. She swallowed. Kept swallowing. His heart was ready to burst out of his chest. “Fuckin’ hell.” He shivered at the insistence of her mouth, licking him clean, as he came down from the high. “I gotta…” He crumpled to the floor in an awkward position, the waistband of his jeans clamping his thighs together.

Her hands cupped his jaw. “Okay?”

His breathing was ragged. “Yeah… yeah. I’m good. That was…” He smiled and leaned in for a kiss. He moaned at the little lick she gave him and tasted the salt and tang of his release. “Was that okay for you?”

She grinned. “God, yes. You looked so hot when you came in my mouth. I broke you for a second. It was heaven.” She laughed.

He raised a brow. “Yeah?”

She nodded. “Of course, you helped by refraining for so damn long. Don’t do that to yourself again…” She raised a brow back, “unless I tell you to.”

Damn, she’s such a cute little dominatrix. His forehead melded against hers. “Deal. Can we go to bed and maybe rest for a bit? Give me a chance to recharge?”

“Yeah.” She hopped to her feet. Dean licked his lips at the way her tits bounced in the bra. Two outstretched arms flung to his aid. “Come on, old man.”

He frowned. “You aren’t that far behind me, you know?”

She shrugged. “Not ahead of you being the key takeaway, here, Dean.”    

He waved off the assistance. “I’ve got it.” He huffed and rolled toward the couch, his back to her. The cushions supported his hands. He bent both knees under him in the still wrapped at the thighs state and catapulted up. Very smooth. I just full-out mooned her.

He worked his jeans and underwear back up his waist, but not quick enough before Julie was able to assess, “Gymnastics are impressive. You have a great ass, by the way.”

He chuckled and tossed a grin over his shoulder. “Thank you, sweetheart. You have great everythings.”

She blushed. After having gone down on and sucked him dry, she still blushed. His cock twitched. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed her a water.

“Bedroom’s this way.” He cocked his head to the small hallway. She took a sip and followed. He smiled at the fact she left her t-shirt on the couch. “If you need the bathroom,” he tapped on the door they passed to their left. A quick knob twist at the end of the hall opened the door to his bedroom. He snapped on a tiny table lamp and sat by the desk and cabinet his weapons were locked away in.

Her fingers tapped on the plastic bottle before placing it on the desk. She pulled out her phone and small wallet to rest beside it. “Pretty neat and tidy. Your army Dad teach you that?” She pointed to the sharp corners and tight sheet formation covering his bed. She pulled out the ponytail tie and dropped it on the desk, ran her fingers through the wavy mane to guide it behind her shoulders. Damn, she’s pretty. He licked his lips and watched the ends settle almost at the middle of her back.    

I really have told her a lot without telling her everything. His mind rushed back to the texts and calls they’d shared before the bad shit happened. And she remembers all of it. “It’s easy to keep things neat when you don’t have a lot.” He spread his legs, rubbing his thighs, trying to relax as the worry built. The hurried glances around the bedroom took stock of the scene. What might tip her off to the life he’d tried so hard to hide? He was always careful, at least he hoped, just in case.

Julie circled the room in her bare feet. The white bra shimmered in the barely lit space. Her hands burrowed into the shorts pockets. Shadows accentuated the curves of her bare skin. My own little Daisy Duke. He bit his lip, refraining from voicing the comment out loud. It might make her skittish and grab that forgotten t-shirt, and that was the last thing he wanted.

He watched her take in the sparse bits of the life he did put on display. There were the three tiny polaroids on the dresser, resting against a cigar box. The photos were worn, torn, tired, but had survived the long journey with him. One was his four year old self with mom wrapping him up in a tight hug. Another was of the Winchester family, John, Mary, Dean, and baby Sammy, in their front yard in Lawrence, Kansas. The last was of him and Sammy by the Impala almost two decades ago, when poltergeists, wendigos, and the occasional demonic possession had been the worst things they’d come across. Bobby had taken that picture.

There was the old 40s record player, one of the few things he’d been able to salvage from the Men of Letters bunker after the implosion. His small collection of classic rock albums housed upright in the shelf below it. An oil painting he’d found at a thrift store of a prairie field, reminding him of Kansas, hung over the simple wood headboard that he’d refinished himself. Her self directed tour stopped in front of him. Her fingers danced over the silver letter opener on the desk that did double duty as a supernatural weapon.

He tapped his lap and smiled up at her. She raised an eyebrow, an inner debate playing out on her face, then slid atop one of his thighs. An arm wrapped around the cool skin of her waist. “What do you think?” he asked.

Fingers rubbed the nape of his neck. “I think,” her brown eyes lingered on his smile, “I’d like to mess up that neatly made bed with you.”

He kissed her, nice and slow, eventually whispering, “Hop on in, little lady.”

Part 17

Series Page

[afterpinkdiamond]

We Need to Talk S2E9

This show hits hard when it tries. This episode is such a roller coaster of emotions it manages to feel like a much longer story. What we know about Pink Diamond’s life on Homeworld throws Rose and Greg’s conversation in a new light and we’re introduced to the original Rainbow Quartz. Also Garnet is like the ultimate shipper.

Connie and Steven are helping Greg sort his vinyl collection when Connie remarks that she only ever listens to Classical music and movie soundtracks at home. Greg immediately jumps to correct this error by playing The Philosophy Majors’ record “Nietzche’s Breakdown” for the kids. Everyone is dancing and Steven and Connie accidentally fuse into Stevonnie again! Greg is absolutely astonished. The kids quickly break apart and Connie freaks out a little, begging Greg to not tell her parents about the magic things she’s doing with Steven. Greg calms her down, claiming he’s probably the only human who understands. Steven senses a story and Greg starts telling them about attempting to fuse with Rose by showing them a vhs cassette music video.

The video is of Greg in his younger days with the Gems, playing “What Can I Do for You?”. Garnet is playing keytar and Amethyst is on drums, just like they were in “Steven and the Stevens”. Rose is center stage on vocals and Greg is playing guitar and harmony. Pearl is sulking off stage. Greg must be one of the most amazing music instructors the world has ever known, that or gems have a natural talent for music. It’s confirmed that this episode is only a few months after Rose and Greg met and he’s already taught Amethyst and Garnet two very different skill sets enough to be in a band. Later in “The Question” Ruby picks up guitar-playing in a matter of hours, and I’m not sure if that’s because she always liked the guitar part of the keytar or gems are just that talented at picking up instruments.

The video is clearly set up with Rose as the center of attention, with even Greg looking up to her the entire time from a lower level. She’s still incredibly elevated. He’s smiling and happy singing with her but his emotions change a few times as she sings her solo. She calls him “human man” and sings that she finds him “entertaining” and his smile drops into a frown. She sings about “playing along” because she likes how humans play and it’s difficult to say whether he’s turned on or dismayed by her nonchalance. As they sing the chorus together again his part is more subdued and he’s staring at her wide-eyed. Eventually, Greg takes his confusion and just falls back on what he knows- wicked guitar solo.

While Greg shreds on guitar we see Pearl looking very jealous of the attention he’s getting. She walks right into the video and whispers to Rose. They push Greg out of the center of focus and perform a fusion dance to bring out Rainbow Quartz. She dances around and shows off. It’s clear that Pearl is trying to make Greg uncomfortable while Rose is just trying to impress him with something he’s not seen before. This version of RQ makes me really uncomfortable. I know a lot of people like her but even this early in the series, Pearl’s jealousy is the main vibe I get from this moment. I will grant that Rainbow showing up briefly in “Now We’re Only Falling Apart” has a whole different meaning and feeling, it’s just hard to see Rose and Pearl’s actual relationship through Greg’s eyes. 

Rose leaves after explaining the fusion with the promise to come back later. Amethyst collects her payment of popcorn. Pearl taunts Greg, saying he’s just a phase because he’s not a gem and will never be able to fuse like a gem. Greg insists that he’s gonna try to fuse. *mic drop* Greg tries to mimic Pearl’s dancing, watching the video he made and gets frustrated very quickly. Garnet and Amethyst find him and Garnet explains the physical aspect of fusion. Greg gets completely discouraged. Garnet tries to inspire some confidence, saying she thinks he’s capable and he just needs to be open and honest so he and Rose can invent themselves together. She lowers her visor to give him a wink, revealing to him for the first time that she’s a fusion. Greg agrees and sets up for when Rose returns.

When Rose comes back, Greg has a dance floor set up on the beach. He starts a record and without saying a word begins to dance with her. They’re having fun so he flips on the lights, clearly trying to emulate what Garnet said about having light in the core of your being and a partner you trust with that light. They twirl around some more and Greg leads Rose to a pile of instrument cases that he climbs to get eye level with her before dipping her and kissing her. Talk about goals. After the kiss, he looks up and is disappointed while Rose is starry-eyed.

Rose laughs at Greg when he says he was trying to fuse with her. He tries to get her to understand but she keeps laughing, saying humans are all so funny. Greg finally snaps at being dismissed as just a human and yells at her to just talk with him for once like a real person. She stops, all mirth gone, and says she’s not a real person. She understands that Greg’s not been treating her like the alien that she is, that he’s been trying to see her as a person. It finally hits Greg that he’s been sleeping with an alien. Rose is confused as Greg laughs at his own denseness and cries with hopelessness. She actually seems alien in this moment, completely disconnected from Greg’s wildly swinging emotions. He makes the point that they’re very different with hardly anything in common, suggesting that they just talk.

From behind the broken-off hand of the temple, Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are spying on the whole encounter. As Greg and Rose finally talk about some of the underlying emotions and unspoken history they haven’t shared with each other, Pearl is confused. The fusion dance didn’t work so why are they still talking? Garnet tells her to be quiet. Greg asks Rose if she’s ever been in love with a human as opposed to just loving a human. She asks how she would know and Greg says that love is torture. Knowing that Pink was often abused on Homeworld by the other Diamonds, this statement affects her strongly and it makes sense that this statement is what finally gets through to her. She knows what it’s like to be tortured and she is alarmed to think Greg is feeling that way. She pulls away from the hug, and for the first time calls Greg by his name rather than “Mr. Universe” or “human man”. He’s visibly affected by the change and answer honestly when she asks if their relationship has been torture. She apologizes but he tells her not to be sorry. They both laugh at how confused they are and start spinning around, laughing together. Pearl is even more upset that they’re still dancing, but Garnet claims that the fusion worked. Her shipper's heart knows she’s set up a real couple, after centuries of Rose having human flings that meant nothing. Pearl is dismayed but Amethyst likes her new potential step-dad. 

Greg ends his story and Steven and Connie are both blushing. Greg emphasizes that the most important thing was talking together and being open. He tells the kids that human-gem relationships are still a very new thing they get to explore together. Just when you think this episode is going to end on a happy and positive note, Greg tells Connie that she can always talk to him if she needs to talk with a human being who understands her position. They do a “human beings” high five with Steven watching, clutching his gem like he wishes he could rip it out and not have to deal with being half alien. His alienation at the end of the episode is such a quick shift and it foreshadows more of his internal conflict, learning to accept his identity as the bridge between species but also as a being unlike everyone else. It’s like a sucker punch at the end of an otherwise happy story.

I think the positioning of this episode is incredibly interesting, seeing that we’re about to start into the “Pearl basically commits rape” arc. We see Greg tell his side of the story of how he won over Rose. Past episodes like “House Guest” have hinted at the disharmony and distrust Pearl has for Greg. We get Rainbow Quartz, fused in a moment of jealousy and flaunting, a brand new fusion just an episode before we’re introduced to another show-off Pearl fusion. We also hear Garnet talk about what makes a fusion work. Garnet who’s about to be taken advantage of in the worst way. This episode is also just after “Keeping It Together” in which Garnet expresses her extreme revulsion to forced fusions. This arc of episodes is thematically heavy. Pearl messes up badly and the crewniverse seem to want to tie it back to the betrayal she felt when Rose fell in love with Greg. Pearl looks to others for her validation and “Cry for Help” is about to show how far she’ll fall looking for that strength and affirmation.

[theliterateape]

Hope Idiotic | Part V

By David Himmel

 Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

LOU HIT THE SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIMITS JUST AS NIGHT WAS COMING DOWN. He used the hostel book as promised to find a well-rated spot with a good view of the city. He’d never stayed in hostels before and was curious. He’d hoped to meet a few strangers he could make friends with for the night and explore the city with, but the place was pretty empty. It was too early in the summer for college students or Europeans to be backpacking their way through the country.

Lou was sent to a room with four bunk beds. Two bunks — top and bottom — were occupied with sleeping bags, clothes and shredded bags of potato chips. Lou claimed the top bunk closest to the door. He tossed his stuff onto the mattress and quickly returned to the front desk.

“Where’s the best place to go for a few drinks?” he asked the grimy grunge-brat wearing flannel and a Sonic Youth T-shirt. “Maybe a place with good live music.”  He was directed to a place called, Shattered Glass. He was able to walk there from the hostel, which sat at the top of a hill and owned a perfect view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Like every other place he had encountered in California so far, this bar was mostly empty. On the small stage at the back end of the joint, a weathered man, who looked like he may have been part of the West Coast punk movement in the 1970s, played a banged-up acoustic guitar and sang cover songs of everything from Iggy Pop to Lisa Loeb. Miller Lites were six bucks a bottle, but hell, that was San Francisco.

Lou tried to engage the bartender in some friendly conversation about the town, where to go, what to do and where the hell everyone was that night. But the bartender, a bored, sad-looking man of about thirty-five, wanted nothing to do with it. And after six bottles of beer and an hour of the aged, never-was rockstar, Lou paid his thirty-six-dollar tab and took off.

He wandered the streets searching for a little action, but found nothing worth getting into. So, he headed back up the hill to the hostel, where he figured he’d tuck himself in and wake up early. Get a head start on the day. Grab breakfast. Visit the bridge then continue north into Oregon.

When he left the hostel, he remembered leaving his room’s door open just as he’d found it. When he returned, it was closed. He put his ear to the door to inspect any potential sounds. When he didn’t hear anything, he slowly turned the handle and opened the door. It was pitch black in the windowless room. He pulled out his cell phone as he closed the door behind him. He flipped the phone open to light the few steps to his bunk. He climbed up and carefully took his shoes and socks off, then slid into his sleeping bag. Lou had a near-perfect internal clock and rarely used an alarm. As he closed his eyes, he said in a whisper, “Wake up at seven a.m. Wake up in seven hours.”

Just as he began to fall asleep, he was startled by noises coming from within the room. He hadn’t scanned the place with the light of his phone before going to bed; he had just assumed he was alone. The noises were coming from one of the bunks that earlier he’d seen loaded with someone’s belongings. His cell phone was resting on his chest, and for a moment, he considered flipping it open and seeing who or what was in the room with him.

Now he was going to bear witness to alien robot sex and perhaps become a post-coitus sacrifice. Fuck Michelle. Fuck hostels. Fuck robots. Fuck San Francisco.

There were rustling sounds and what he thought were voices being muffled by blankets and pillows. He heard music being played. Not songs: more like ring tones from a cell phone or video game soundtracks from a handheld game system. The bunk squeaked in rhythm as it tapped the cement wall. He looked over and saw blue and green and red lights glowing, flickering intermittently from under blankets. It was like robots having sex.

 Lou was scared. This sort of thing would never happen under the parking lot light of a hotel. Why did he make that promise to Michelle to stay in hostels? Why did he keep that promise? He had a perfectly workable system when on the road, and she fucked it all up with her law school arguments and girlfriend charm. Now he was going to bear witness to alien robot sex and perhaps become a post-coitus sacrifice. Fuck Michelle. Fuck hostels. Fuck robots. Fuck San Francisco.

He debated making an escape, but figured he couldn’t collect his stuff fast enough in the dark without disturbing the alien robots that would probably kill him. So he slouched down farther into his sleeping bag, pulled his pillow tightly over his head and the opening of the bag around the pillow so he was entirely encased and protected, like a caterpillar in a cocoon. He forced himself to think about anything else: Chicago; Michelle; his career in twenty years; Chuck; his house in Las Vegas; the family dog Max greeting him at his dad’s house; Crater Lake; the price of gas; his pending empty bank account; his résumé; where he would live… More and more, he was less afraid of the increasingly loud and strange sounds coming from the adjacent bunk, and starting to fear what was waiting for him outside of that dark hostel room.

Panic finally put him to sleep. And when his eyes popped open at 7 a.m., he was still stuffed down in his sleeping bag and drenched in sweat. Slowly, he peeked his head out of the bag, but couldn’t see a thing because even during the morning, the room allowed no light to come in. He didn’t hear anything, so he flipped his phone open and aimed it across the room. It didn’t illuminate much, but from what he could see, the coast was clear. He swung his legs over the edge of the bunk and hopped down. He reached the light switch and turned it on, ready for the alien robots to spring to life and attack him. But he was alone. No one, nothing, was in the room with him. The things he had seen on the bunks when he checked in were gone. Other than his own stuff and the beds, the room was bare.

He wondered if he had imagined the noises and lights. Was the anxiety of the move playing tricks with his brain? Was he going crazy, or were there really alien robots having sex a few feet from him last night? It didn’t matter. It was over. The day was anew.

He put on some fresh clothes, brushed his teeth in the communal bathroom, paid his bill and took off toward the Golden Gate Bridge. It was early and traffic was light. It was just Lou and a European couple on the pedestrian part of the bridge. He could tell they were European by the formfitting brightly colored jeans and vinyl windbreakers that looked like they were stolen off the set of a 1980s Wham! video. The air was cool and salty. There wasn’t much fog like expected, so he was able to grab a few good photos of the bridge and some grainy, but mostly decent, shots of the Alcatraz rock. The majesty of the Golden Gate Bridge was one thing. But what really grabbed his attention were the emergency telephone boxes secured to the bridge every couple of yards. They had signs above them that read:

CRISIS COUNSELING THERE IS HOPE MAKE THE CALL THE CONSEQUENCES OF JUMPING OFF THIS BRIDGE ARE FATAL AND TRAGIC.

He looked over the railing into the San Francisco Bay. He knew how it worked. A sad, troubled life. A moment of uncertainty — then certainty. A little leap. This was America’s hot spot for suicide aficionados. It was either the impact with the water or the greedy undertow of the bay that would kill a person. Lou wondered for a second what part would kill him. If it wasn’t the fall, could he survive? He was a strong swimmer. It was a rhetorical question; actually killing himself was not on his mind.

Still, he wondered about those emergency phones and about the operators on the other end of them. How many lives were saved by the telephone? How many operators heard last words? He considered picking one up and telling the operator that he would kill himself unless someone in Chicago would have a job waiting for him when he arrived in two weeks. But then he figured that probably wouldn’t work. No one would want to hire a demanding suicidal maniac.

He used his cell phone to call Michelle from the bridge. He hated the idea of bothering her at work, but she assured him that a phone call from him was never a bother but a blessing.

“Michelle Kaminski’s office,” her secretary said.

“May I please speak with Ms. Kaminski,” Lou asked.

“Ms. Kaminski is in a meeting at the moment. May I take a message for her?”

“Thank you. Please tell her that Lou Bergman called. She has my number.”

“Will she know what this is in reference to?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’ll have her return your call at her earliest convenience, Mr. Bergman. Have a wonderful day.”

He meandered along the bridge for a few more minutes until Michelle called back. “You called?” She did not sound happy.

“Hi, baby. That was a quick meeting.”

“It was three hours long — just finished.”

“Brutal. Guess where I am?”

“I don’t know… Moon Lake or wherever.”

“Moon Lake? You mean, Crater Lake. No. I’m standing on the Golden Gate Bridge. God, Michelle, you should see it. It’s beautiful.”

“I’d love to be there with you. But I have a job to do. I’d love to be able to take two weeks off to do whatever I wanted and go wherever I wanted, but I have responsibilities. People depend on me. I have billable hour quotas I need to hit. But you go ahead and enjoy the view from the bridge, Lou.”

“Whoa. I’m sorry that upset you. You sound busy. I’ll let you go.”

“I am busy, Lou. I’m always busy. This is my job. I think you need to hurry home.”

“I know, baby. I’m on my way to you. Just 12 more days. It’s nothing.”

“I mean it. This road trip, I get it. I know you like driving all over with no direction, like its your last hurrah or something, but you need to consider me, Lou.”

“I have direction. I know exactly where I’m going.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about me slipping away. You’re losing me.”

“What?”

“I know you’re moving here to finally start your life, but mine has been happening, and you can’t expect me to just wait around for you to show up whenever you please. It’s not fair to me. I love you, Lou. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I can’t promise you I’ll be here when you finally show up. I hope I’ll still be waiting for you, but I don’t know. I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

What the hell just happened? She’s raving like a madwoman, he thought. He’d been through this with her before, however. In moments of personal stress, Michelle had a tendency to overreact and lash out at anyone within striking distance. There was one week during her freshman year in high school when her best friend Jen was too busy to hang out with her. As retaliation, during a soccer practice warm-up exercise, Michelle kicked a ball has hard as she possibly could at Jen, hitting her square in the gut, knocking her on her feet and forcing the air right out of her lungs. Jen had a soccer-ball–sized bruise for several days and was benched for that weekend’s game because of the injury.

When Michelle told this story in her maid-of-honor speech at Jen’s wedding, she didn’t understand why no one laughed at it. “Because it’s just mean,” Lou told her. But Michelle disagreed and stood by her case that Jen had it coming and that it was a funny story. Besides, they were still friends after all, she argued.

Maybe Michelle was freaking out on him because she’d just emerged from a painful three-hour meeting. She was just stressed at work and jealous that he was out having fun. Envy. That’s what it was. He wasn’t losing her. She was just kicking the soccer ball in his gut.

 ✶

HE DROVE INTO TOWN AND FOUND A PLACE TO GRAB A BAGEL AND COFFEE, and read one of the scummy alternative papers in the wire basket by the door. As he was biting into the bagel, he received a text from Michelle:

I’m sorry I barked at u. But hurry. I won’t wait forevr. Stop wasting ur life.

“I really don’t have time for this right now, Lou,” Michelle said when he again called her. He couldn’t let a text like that go without further explanation. Clearly, she was not just lashing out. She was giving him an ultimatum: Stop having fun or she was leaving.

“You’re not being fair,” he told her.

“No. You’re not being fair to me or your career. You know what the right thing to do is. So do it.”

He drove a little farther north but pulled into a gas station just before leaving the San Francisco limits. While the car fueled up, he called Chuck.

“She’s right. What am I doing out here? I’m wasting all of this money that I don’t really have, when I could be in Chicago looking for a job. And now what? Now she’s going to break up with me when I get there? All broke and unemployed but with some photos of the town where Hemingway shot himself? What the fuck am I doing?”

Chuck was at the hospital in Indiana where his mother was recovering from her second heart surgery. “First of all, calm down. Just breathe,” he told Lou. “She’s not going to break up with you. You’ll find a job. Just relax.”

“I can’t! I’m telling you, I’ve got a bad feeling about all of this. I’m freaking out. I swear there were robots fucking in my room last night. I gotta get to Chicago. I gotta get my life going. I know! I’ll call a shipping company, have them pick up my car from this gas station. I’ll call Southwest and get a plane ticket, and I can be home by tonight.”

“You’re fucking crazy,” Chuck said. “Now, shut up and listen to me. You’ll end up spending more money on shipping and flying than you will driving. If it’ll keep you from going insane, cancel the adventure. You can try it again another time. I’ll do it with you. So calm down, drive back into the city and find I-80. It starts there. Just take that straight across into Chicago. You’ll be there in three days.”

✶

WHEN LOU PULLED UP TO MICHELLE’S HIGH-RISE on Lake Shore Drive, he was covered in a layer of highway dust, beef jerky crumbs and sweat. His breath reeked of Red Bull, dehydrated meat and a tired piece of chewing gum. His hair was oily, but he thought it looked pretty good for having spent the last seven days windblown in the driver’s seat of his Volkswagen. If only it could look that good after a shower.

As he looked at himself in the rearview mirror, he closed his eyes and sighed. He told himself out loud, “All right, asshole. Don’t fuck anything up.”

When Michelle answered the door of her pricey northside one-bedroom apartment and saw Lou standing there, her face exploded into a smile. She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, where she kissed him long and perfectly. Then she drew all the blinds down on the large windows that presented a picturesque Chicago — the peaks of downtown buildings, Belmont Harbor and Lake Michigan’s expanse out east, and the garden rooftops of Wrigleyville to the west. Again, their mouths met, and they fell into a rabidly intense lovemaking session.

“Welcome home,” Michelle said once she caught her breath, both of their naked bodies sweaty and shaking with pleasure.

“I can get used to this,” he said.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV 

[theplaguezine]

MORTIIS

Interview with Mortiis by Daniel Hinds

(conducted November 1999)

Mortiis is the elusive musician that started his career as bassist for the notorious black metal outfit known as Emperor, before going solo and heading off into uncharted territory.  Using synths, he has created some stirring, epic-length pieces that blend dark ambient with medieval folk and even some classical music elements.

Released through Sweden's Cold Meat Industry and his own Dark Dungeon Music, the drow elf produced four full-length albums before signing with Earache for his latest, The Stargate.  Using the vocal talents of Sarah Jezebel Deva (ex of Cradle of Filth) and Kalle Metz, this album shows Mortiis developing a much broader and deeper sound than ever before.

After a string of dates here in the U.S. with Christian Death, Mortiis and crew were just about to cross the border into Canada when I got a chance to chat with him via cell phone…

Could you tell me a bit about the storyline of The Stargate and what inspired it? I guess musically I was inspired by Basil Poledouris - he did the soundtrack to the first Conan movie, for example.  Musically, that's about the only thing I can put my finger on.  As far as concepts and stuff, there's a myth in certain cultures that you can travel between different dimensions using stars - use them as gates.  I just found that concept very fascinating and it inspired me to do something along the same lines and incorporate that into the whole Mortiis thing.

The CD booklet says "to be continued..." at the end - will it be continued on the next album? Probably not the next album, but at some point in the future I would like to make a second one.  It's not actually finished.  I have the rest of the concept worked out, the storyline so to speak.

Did you come up with the concept before writing any of the music? Sort of.  I think I had some basic musical ideas, maybe a few raw demos or whatever lying around, but I think the storyline was pretty much figured out before I did the music.

In the past, your image has always been very mysterious and in the shadows, but on the Stargate, there are very clear pictures of you on the cover and back cover and tray card.  Why the decision to make yourself more visible this time out? I think I always wanted to do that.  The fact that it turned out the way that it did [in the past] gave people a certain impression - it's not like that was intentional.  We didn't have any professional photo shoots back then, so basically it was me and my girlfriend with an amateur camera, taking photos in the marshes.  That kind of thing, which tends to give things an obscure angle.  So when I had the chance to work with more professional people as far a photo shoot, it turned out differently.  That's how I wanted it from the beginning anyway.

Are you pleased with Earache so far?   Yeah, I guess.  You know the way it is with labels, they can be bastards, but what can I do?  What can I say?  We have a contract.  But I think they're doing a pretty good job, though.  I'm getting to do a lot more shit now that I would have never done with another label.

Do you still have a connection with Cold Meat Industry?   Yeah, sure.  Not at this point, because I'm doing the U.S. support and stuff, but when I'm back home, we do talk.  I'll check in and see what's going on and stuff like that.

How about Debbie at Blackmetal.com? Yeah, how about her?  (laughs)  We were kind of not talking for a long time.  I did a San Francisco show a couple weeks ago and she turned out at the show, she and her guy Elden, they do this thing together [blackmetal.com], and we talked and things were okay.  We exchanged new phone numbers and stuff, so I think that dispute is probably in the past.

How is the tour going? Not very good.  I mean, someone has not taken responsibility for promotion - the promotion is horrible.  I don't know who to blame anymore and I don't want to mention names, but it just seems like no one is doing their job, basically.  We had these posters printed up and we've done like 23 or 24 shows so far and I've seen those posters up at about 3 of the shows.  That's very annoying.  Plus the fact that my album should have been out in the U.S. and Canada at least a month ago, before the tour started.  That got screwed up, so I'm pretty much doing a tour for a record that's not actually out.  If you look away from that, we are getting a good response, which is very good.  People show up at a show that is pretty much not being promoted, they get to hear music they've never heard before, and still at some of the shows we're getting an amazing response.  I'm pretty happy with it, despite everything that's fucked-up about the tour.

Have you done any major touring in the past? No, this is my first tour basically.  I'm being introduced to a pretty rough world right now (laughs).  Is it supposed to be this fucked-up all the time?  But I'm getting the impression that it's not supposed to be this bad.  I've talked to the other people we're touring with who have done this a lot of times and they're like, 'This is a fucked-up tour!'  So, I guess I'll try it again.  Maybe.  (laughs)

I understand that Dark Dungeon Music is closing down.  Is that true?  Why? Yeah.  I was the only guy working at that label.  I was doing everything and it just took up all my time.  I saw my music fall to shit - I could mention a couple of records that I've done that I should have never done or should have taken a lot more time doing.  But I didn't have the time because Dark Dungeon took up all my fucking time.  So, it just came to a point where I realized, okay, this is not working out.  I don't want to do the label anymore.  I hated going down and doing it every day, I hated every minute of it.  I don't want to deal with all these people, I don't want to have all these worries, 'Is he gonna pay me?,' 'Are they gonna pay me?,' 'When are they gonna pay me?' and blah blah blah.  I hated it and I still hate it.  So I put it down.  I want to make music; I don't want to be in the business side of it.

You've always released your music on vinyl.  Is there a vinyl version of The Stargate?  Is that important to you? The Stargate is available on vinyl.  We have a bunch of it in the van.  Vinyl forever!  It is something that I used to be a lot more fanatic about in the past.  I've come to accept CDs.  I mean, you have to accept the day and age that you live in.  If you didn’t do that, you'd be in big trouble.  Time will not wait.  But there's nothing wrong with being a bit nostalgic; I just try not to take it too far.

What is the status of your other projects? I put them down.  Just like with Dark Dungeon Music, I pretty much put everything down the same day, except Mortiis.  This is what I'm going to do now, fuck everything else.  I want to do one great thing instead of a bunch of mediocre stuff.

Is there anyone you would like to collaborate with musically in the future? I don't know.  I could probably come up with a few names, but I don't want to say, "I want to work with this person,' as it might create problems or something.  I'm sure there's a whole bunch of people I'd love to work with, but I'm so used to working alone it's hard to come up with names.  I've never really bothered with other people, never paid attention to anyone else.  I'm starting to change that, I'm starting to look into what other people do and it's pretty healthy, actually.  It's good to be on top of things.

Was it kind of a different experience working with vocalists on this album? Yeah, I was nervous.  Before they came out, I was really nervous.  Like, oh my god, I haven't worked with anybody since Emperor back in '92 and that's like six years at that point.  I don't even know how to collaborate.  But it worked out really good.  It took a little longer than we expected, but just a couple days, no big deal.  But it definitely worked out really good and I definitely plan to continue to work with other people.  It can only make things better.

Would you like to score films at some point? Everybody asks that and I always say that I don't think I'm good enough.  Definitely not good enough.  I mean, I know what I do and I can compare it to movie soundtracks and I'm like, okay, damn.  I'm a long way away from being that good.  That's how I feel anyway.  I mean, I'd love to do it, but I don't consider myself good enough.  That's just me being my worst critic.  At some point, I would like to try something like that out, but maybe not this week.  (laughs)

When you write songs, do you hear the whole work in your head or do you start with one instrument and build it up from there? Kind of both, I guess.  I think I know kind of how I want the song to sound, but it never really turns out like that.  I start realizing, okay this didn't work out, that didn't work out - maybe 50% of what you had in mind stays with you.  The rest is just something that popped up during the writing process.

I read that you are working on a book… That is something that I've been working on for several years.  It's pretty much like the young days of Mortiis up until the day he decides to leave the world he was born into.  It's all very symbolic and reflective of what goes on this world and my own state of mind.  It'll be out next month, as far as I know.

Who is publishing it? Oh, Earache I guess.  They're doing like a limited edition thing, a box with The Stargate CD and the book.  Sometime in November.

Are you happy with how the book came out? Well, basically, if I were to do it today, 90% of that I would have never done.  It's like a diary almost of the last few years and it's the oddest thing to see the changes in the attitude.  In that sense, it's very interesting.  As far as me being very naïve and evil and shit like that, but as you grow and develop, your mind matures a little bit and becomes more realistic.

www.mortiis.com

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Behind The Album: A Moon Shaped Pool

Radiohead‘s ninth studio album was released in May 2016 through XL Recordings. Many of the tracks on the album had been written much earlier. The song “True Love Waits” goes all the way back to 1995, while it was also included on their live album, I Might Be Wrong. The band first conceived of “Burn the Witch” during their recording sessions for Kid A, while Thom Yorke actually performed the song “Present Tense” during a solo appearance in 2009. They had begun performing some of the tracks for this album as early as The King of Limbs tour in 2014. On that tour, they recorded two songs in Nashville, Tennessee, but the group eventually discarded both recordings deeming them too mediocre to keep. They began recording the actual album in September 2014 in Oxford with long time producer Nigel Godrich. The following year Radiohead moved to a studio in the south of France, La Fabrique. The facility had once been an art pigment mill, but now hosted the world's largest vinyl record collection. The band did not rehearse any of the new material at all before recording as Ed O’Brien said in an interview. “We just went straight into recording ... The sound emerged as we recorded." Rather than relying on computers, Godrich actually utilized analog equipment which meant they had the limitation of having to erase any previous take in order to record a new one. As Colin Greenwood observed, “It forces you to have to make decisions in the moment; it’s very much the opposite of having your album stored on a terabyte hard drive." Although analog was used, the group edited almost every track digitally. For example, Jonny Greenwood did so on the track “Piano Eyes” using the programming language Max. The song “Identikit” was created by manipulating several loops of Thom Yorke’s voice during The King of Limbs sessions. The song “Ful Stop” saw the group bring in an additional drummer Clive Deamer, who had previously worked with the band during the King of Limbs tour. The use of an orchestra was all arranged by Jonny Greenwood with the London Symphony Orchestra conducted by Hugh Brunt. On the day they recorded the string arrangement for “Burn the Witch,” Nigel Godrich’s father passed away. The producer would have this to say about his death. “I literally left him on a fucking table in my house and went and recorded. And it was a very, very emotional day for me. He was a string player as well so it was one of those things where it felt like he would want me to go and just do this." Around the same time, Thom Yorke would announce his separation from his longtime wife, Rachel Owen. She would die from cancer several months later. Yorke would later tell Rolling Stone, “There was a lot of difficult stuff going on at the time, and it was a tough time for us as people. It was a miracle that that record got made at all." Upon its release, A Moon Shaped Pool would be dedicated to Godrich’s father Vic and stagehand Scott Johnson, who had died in a 2012 concert accident. In the middle of recording the new album, Radiohead took a break to do a song for the James Bond movie, Spectre. The song of the same name would be rejected by the makers of the film as being too dark. Nigel Godrich would say, “That fucking James Bond movie threw us a massive curveball. It was a real waste of energy ... In terms of making A Moon Shaped Pool it caused a stop right when we were in the middle of it.” Jonny Greenwood would say that the actual itself was probably recorded in about two weeks.

The music On a Moon Shaped Pool puts together aspects of art rock, folk music, chamber music, and ambient music. As with their previous album The King of Limbs, they relied heavily on electronic music, but also included many more string arrangements than ever before. The Guardian would comment that the record represents a very stripped down sound from the band. The lyrics on the LP focus on love, forgiveness, and regret, which many critics believed was related to Yorke’s recent separation from Owen. Spencer Kornhaber of the Atlantic said that A Moon Shaped Pool "makes the most sense when heard as a document of a wrenching chapter for one human being.” Other themes include the climate on “The Numbers,” while “Burn the Witch” takes a look at the dangers of authority. Yorke would mention that he really disliked using clichés like the system is a lie, but would observe, "How else are you supposed to say 'the system is a lie'? Why bother hiding it? It's a lie. That's it." The Guardian would write that A Moon Shaped Pool may have accidentally become the official soundtrack to the Donald Trump presidency, even though Radiohead had no intention of doing so. On “The Numbers,” Yorke sings, “One day a time, mate, you will be impeached shortly, mate. You are not a leader, love … You can't sustain this. It's not gonna work. One day a time. We ain't stupid." Once again, Stanley Donwood did the artwork for the cover of the album as he first began creating it while in France listening to the band playing in another room as to inspire his work. The final product represented a new approach, where he kept his canvases outside, so the weather could affect the finished product.

A Moon Shaped Pool was originally released as a download directly from the Radiohead website, iTunes, Amazon, and other outlets. Physical CDs and vinyl would come out a month later in most countries. The album was made available on Spotify, which emerged as noteworthy because Nigel Godrich had criticized the streaming service for not supporting new artists in 2013. The band did have discussions with the company about possibly making this album available for premium users earlier than the general public, but nothing ever came of it. Very little promotion of the album took place after its release including no interviews and no tour previewing the material. Ed O’Brien later said, "We didn't want to talk about it being quite hard to make. We were quite fragile, and we needed to find our feet." In April 2016, the band would remove everything from their website and social media profiles to be replaced with blank images. The move was meant to symbolize that Radiohead would be returning. On the day of its release, BBC6 Radio played the album in its entirety throughout the day. A Moon Shaped Pool would go on to become the band's sixth number one album in the United Kingdom. In the United States, the record would debut at number three on the Billboard 200 charts. The record would be certified gold in both countries becoming their most successful album since Hail to the Thief. Most critics applauded the new album. USA Today would say that it had been “well worth the wait.” Rolling Stone would write that the record was both beautiful and “haunting”at the same time. New Musical Express would call the album eerie , while Allmusic said that it was a “melancholic comfort” record. Like many of the other reviews after its release, Pitchfork noted the terrible sadness within the music. The New York Times would go so far as to call the LP the darkest one Radiohead has ever released. Entertainment Weekly said that the record represented the band's most epic release since Kid A. Other reviews would often mention the excellent arrangements done by Jonny Greenwood for the tracks using strings. Not all of the reviews emerged as glowing recommendations of the record. Mike Diver of Quietus would have this to say, “Certain tracks feel less than fully fleshed out, really given the treatment that their age warrants ... There's simply so little spark here, barely glowing embers and blackened dust where once Radiohead blazed a fascinating, furious trail for others to attempt to follow." Ryan Kearney of New Republic would write an even harsher assessment of the album saying it is “no coincidence that the only moving song on the album, 'True Love Waits', was written two decades ago.” The Guardian remained highly critical over the fact that A Moon Shaped Pool seemed even more sad, then it really needed to be. The saving grace of the record is that it emerged as an improvement over The King of Limbs. The record would be nominated for a Mercury Prize at the end of the year marking the fifth album with that designation for the group. The album would also be nominated for a Grammy as Best Alternative Album, while “Burn the Witch” would be nominated for Best Rock Song. Many end of the year best of lists included the release like Entertainment Weekly, AV Club, Stereogum, Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, and more.

[sargenthouse]

Interview: Jaye Jayle on the web // Echoes and Dust

Interview: Jaye Jayle 

on the web: Facebook // Bandcamp

In a fantasy world it would be just making records and making songs in world of people who spend their night lives when the sun goes down, the kids go to sleep and they’re laying in their bed or sitting on their couch they don’t turn on the TV and scroll through netflix or look at their phone. They put on a record and take it in and breathe and feel something that you don’t feel in any other world besides that world.

Full interview by Michael Hayden via Echoes and Dust.

My first experience with Jaye Jayle was seeing them live opening for Oathbreaker. It seems like their blend of americana, kraut-rock grooves and Morricone-esque soundtracking would be an odd fit for a metal show, their presence and weightiness stole the show for me. I was so impressed by their performance that I became a bit obsessed with both their debut album House Cricks and Other Excuses to Get Out and their outstanding split release with Emma Ruth Rundle The Time Between Us. I didn’t know at the time (even though he looked familiar) that the main songwriter was Evan Patterson from the mighty Young Widows. As a fan of Young Widows this just intrigued m even more. How does a person go from the thunder and fury of Young Widows to the dark, moody and tension filled music of Jaye Jayle? When the opportunity to interview Evan about their upcoming album No Trail and Other Unholy Paths (available June 29th via Sargent House) I jumped at the chance to hear more about this intriguingly unique project.

We planned on talking after their set opening for Russian Circles at the Empty Bottle here in Chicago. Evan immediately strikes you as a warm and engaged person, he gives everyone who approaches him his undivided attention. It seemed like no matter where we went to begin the interview he was being approached by old friends, acquaintances or newly made fans and he always took the time to share some words with them. I was really impressed by his kindness towards strangers and his patience when confronted with some of Chicago’s more exuberant drunks. The conversation that followed was a real pleasure to have and I’m even more of a fan of the band now that I’ve spent some time hearing about it’s genesis and evolution.

(((o))): How did Jaye Jayle get born out of Young Widows?

Evan Patterson: The initial thought of the project or the idea of writing songs outside of Young Widows was just to not think about anything in capacity of it being performed. It was just kind of writing songs casually. I was actually in Santa Fe, NM visiting a past partner. She had a parlour guitar that was all fucked up, the bridge was already pulling away and the only thing I could do was kind of play on the last five frets to get it to stay in tune. I decided I was just going to write a song or what I felt was a song. It was always just a couple of minutes or a couple of parts. Not a deliberate idea of anything, just kind of a stream of consciousness thing.

(((o))): Previously did you write with a more compositional approach?

Evan: A little bit, once the band becomes involved in a project or any kind of composition or songwriting to me it makes to consider that they are there. There’s Jaye Jayle songs that I work that have no base of anyone playing with me and when we get together and play them they just come out how they are. One the band becomes involved it’s adding the saturation or the color to the song.

(((o))): That kind of my addresses my follow up question. I know that you’re the main songwriter but do you bring raw ideas to the band and let them play to their strengths or do you dictate who does what?

Evan: It’s a bit of a compositional dictatorship in the songwriting process until we get to the pinnacle moment of a song or a piece. I say here’s all the ideas I have and here’s the drum beat and this is where I hear the bass to be and this is where I hear the vocal melody and once it all becomes musical, that’s where the freedom sets in. Then we can say “this section of song is open” but it takes a long time to get to that place but those guys are

(((o))): You have some great players.

Evan: Todd (Cook) is my favorite bass player to ever live on the face of the planet and Neal (Argabright) can play keyboards better than anyone else. Todd and Neal don’t want to be soloists, they want to be part of the composition rather than just doing the same thing or wondering when they get to take the lead. There’s no leads. It’s more of a score.

(((o))): It’s interesting to me that a lot the press around you guys bring up the kraut-rock kind of influences and I hear it a bit but when I think about bands like say Can often times the song is just a really long guitar solo. I hear it in more of say Michael Rother’s (Neu!) solo stuff where all of the instruments are placed well, or contributing to the whole piece.

Evan: When I listen to Can I don’t really listen to the guitar work as much as I do the forward motion of the songs rather than it just being parts. When a Can song starts you kind of know it’s not going to leave. You always know when you hear the beginning of a Can song if that’s going to be the Can song you want to listen to or if you don’t want to listen and that’s usually in the rhythm section.

(((o))): So the new album is produced by Dean Hurley(David Lynch’s sound collaborator). I love Twin Peaks and the sound design has always been a big part of that, especially in the most recent season. How did working with him come about?

Evan: That sound design is all Dean. I actually had no idea about any of his collaborations with David Lynch until I heard Lynch’s album ‘The Big Dream’ and I’m such a fan of that record. Something about the way it incorporated modern music and that Twin Peaks sound, everything about that. I associated with so much of what’s going on with that record, maybe at times not melodically or vocally what was going on but the production of it completely surrounded me. So I saw that Dean Hurley worked on, produced and co-wrote the record so I just wrote him an email.

(((o))): Nice, that simple huh?

Evan: Yeah, he said “send me some songs” and then he said he loved the kind of strange blues-dirge thing we were doing.

(((o))): One thing I love about you guys is the music does kind of the same thing as Twin Peaks, it creates an environment that you kind of live within during the duration of the music. When I found out Dean Hurley produced it I thought that made perfect sense for what you do.

Evan: Yeah, me too.

(((o))): You recorded it at Earth Analog (Matt Talbot of Hum’s studio) right?

Evan: Yeah in Tolono, Il which is also kind of a Twin Peaks oddball kind of place. It’s an old industrial wasteland that’s a crossroads for trains. Where we were there were trains going by every ten minutes at such a high speed that they would shake the building.

(((o))): Did you have to stop working when the trains went by?

Evan: There’d be times where we’d work around it and there’d be times that we’d just play. There’s train horns all over the recording, mostly in a way that wouldn’t even know and you’d probably just think it’s a synthesizer.

(((o))): In the press release for the album it mentions that it’s designed to be completely non linear, where you can start it at any point. I think that’s an interesting departure from both people who think that the single is everything and the kind of people who write big concepts that are meant to be listened to in a very specific way.

Evan: It’s difficult to listen to a full album. The attention span of a modern human being is so small, I feel like we have the attention span of an ant. It’s just how it is when we have accessibility to everything and everything. With that each side of a record needs to live on it’s own because the is the attention span of human beings. I love records and I collect a ton of record and so many records that I have it’s difficult to get up and flip the side, you know? Being a collector and investing myself in artists from all times, anything that was created on vinyl really, there’s a thing about listening to one side of a record and having it feel complete. Rather than the ending of the first side leaving you hanging, I just wanted to feel like it doesn’t leave you hanging.

(((o))): Not a lot of people take people’s attention span into consideration, haha.

Evan: It’s just a fact.

(((o))): You’re active in a lot of projects, the most active being Jaye Jayle and Young Widows, do you sit down and with intention to write for either or do you just write and decide where it lives later?

Evan: Young Widows is very inactive right now, we’re rehearsing and doing Old Wounds but we didn’t play at all for about 14 months. But it kind of refers back to your first question with writing music and spontaneity of creativity. Jaye Jayle and the songs we write are just what I’m writing right now. Young Widows songs a lot of time were just from showing up and playing and seeing what happens. Composition always kind of came later after we’d been playing for a while. With Jaye Jayle pieces they’re just something I work on every single day for hours and hours, whether it’s playing one chord for three weeks trying to find the melody or dynamic or rhythm within that note or chord or whatever it might be. I absolutely love Jaye Jayle, it brings me more joy than anything I’ve ever done in my entire life. It’s the most euphoric and hypnotic and therapeutic music that I’ve ever created and I feel lucky to have the band because they’re all on the same page.

(((o))): With Jaye Jayle there’s a kind of tension where it feels like it’s about to explode but it never does whereas Young Widows feels like everything is exploding all the time.

Evan: Absolutely

(((o))): Is that conscious decision? Kind of intentionally moving away from that more explosive outlet and stripping it back?

Evan: It’s definitely unconscious and unintentional. It’s more exciting for me to be contained and in control. I was extremely nervous tonight in a way of being in control. It’s so much easier to go full on, just playing loud and having it turn into this chaotic thing. Staying in the environment we have created is exciting because it’s difficult. The instincts of being a musician is at times playing more and everyone having their times of stepping out of the composition. Honestly I feel what’s going on with this music is the tip of the iceberg of what’s going to happen and there’s going to be even more tension and control going forward.

(((o))): You played a lot of new material tonight and one thing that really struck me is the restraint your auxiliary player (Corey Smith) shows, he’ll just rest and wait. Finding musicians like that is pretty rare. That adds to overall feeling that at any moment one of these guys is just going to bust out into a solo or lead line but they never do, is that kind of a theme?

Evan: I don’t know if it’s a theme so much as it is an idea of composition rather than individuals. At times even the singing and the lyrical subject matter and the control of even singing, I don’t even want that to shine. I always think about film and film scores. I just rewatched Badlands and that film influenced me highly. Watching that again and every time the music comes in it doesn’t take you out of the film it kind of puts you more in it. It gives you a narrative and a voice and almost earthly place. I know everyone in the band understands that feeling, we’ve all been playing music for a long time and we’ve never been it in trying to live a world of dominant showing off. We just all want to create an environment.

(((o))): It works really well, even tonight where you played mostly new songs that I had never heard it didn’t really matter because the environment is consistent and holds your attention. Which brings me to the last question. Is it hard to switch from this controlled environment back to the Young Widows sound for you upcoming tour?

[airadam]

Episode 134 : Keeping Our Heads Up

"If you not at the table, then you on the menu."

- Jahi

This is not the summer we thought we were getting, but I'm going to at least partially overlook that and put some tracks in the mix that are perfect rolling music...even if we're only going to pick up essentials at the supermarket! There's some old(ish), some brand new, and plenty in-between. Oh yes - if your system has the bass turned up, turn it back down, or the third track up is going to destroy it...

The sad news came in after the music was already recorded, but Rest In Power to Malik B, best known for his work as a founding member of The Roots.

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Mistah F.A.B ft. Bun B, Slim Thug, Paul Wall, & Z-Ro : Commin' Down

From Oakland to Houston! The Bay Area veteran reaches down south for this driving anthem from "Son Of A Pimp, Part 2", and the respect is returned in spades. For me, Z-Ro steals the show right out of the gate on that first verse, with his trademark combination of humourous imagery, vocal range, and casual misanthropy! I expected the production to have come from a southern beatsmith too, but S.E. Trill is from Wichita in Kansas, firmly in the midwest.

Sitting Duck, otaam : Nights At The Beach

Bandcamp must have been reading my mind when it put "Chillhop Essentials Summer 2020" in my face, so I put a few quid in figuring that I'd like at least a few of the 25 tracks. That was definitely true, and this was one, produced by a duo that I've not yet found much info about...but I'll keep looking!

Le$ : Duckin'

Big tune out of Houston, with some of the most ridiculous bass I've heard in a while! Mr Rogers rolls together a classic R&B sample and as much low-end as he could find into a heavy backing for Le$ to work with. Not exactly a romantic anthem, but he does it well! The "Summer Madness" LP is well worth having a good listen to, it's almost like the more down-to-earth version of Curren$y's lifestyle content.

Beyonce ft. Jack White : Don't Hurt Yourself

Until trying to mix this, it wasn't obvious to me that the tempo wanders a little bit! It's low-speed but has sections highlighted by stripped-down double-time drums, followed by those heavy rocked-out segments - not the kind of sound many would associate with Beyonce, but she's always been versatile. The "Lemonade" LP is a great demonstration, with stuff ranging from this to straight R&B, to country! This is a great track with her clearly not here for the nonsense, taking her vocals to a really raw place.

Run The Jewels ft. Danny Brown : Hey Kids (Bumaye)

If you're looking for rappers to be jumping out there defending Elon Musk and the likes, you'd better look elsewhere! Killer Mike goes at the billionaire class in the first verse, and every MC keeps the intensity level up regardless of the specifics of their content. El-P on the beat, of course, on this selection from "Run The Jewels 3".

Mega Ran ft. Richie Branson & Storyville : O.P.

Mega Ran's career continues to grow, which is a testament to his skills and a karmic reward for how nice he is to everyone! That said, this track from 2015's "RNDM" has him and his crew going at the haters in fine style. His second verse is definitely the best of the three, and features one of the best breaks of the fourth wall I can remember in I don't know how long! Ran's longtime musical partner Lost Perception contributes the banging video game-inspired beat with crazy low end.

Agallah : Power Boats

Kind of grimy, despite the title making you think of open waters! Brooklyn's own Agallah produces the vast majority of the stuff you hear him rapping on (with good reason), and this particular beat is on "Propain Campaign Presents Agallah - The Instrumentals Vol.1".

OutKast ft. Cool Breeze and Big Gipp : Decatur Psalm

Taking it to what is still my favourite OutKast LP, "ATLiens", with the only track not to include Andre. Bracketing Big Boi's verse are two other members of the Dungeon Family, telling tales of the streets of the ATL. Organized Noize on production, of course.

State Property : It's Not Right

It's been a long time since the breakout days of Just Blaze and Kanye at Roc-A-Fella, and this track definitely brings back memories of that era. Just Blaze did a great job conjuring up the right level of melancholy for this track from the self-titled LP/soundtrack from this Philadelphia-centred crew. On the mic are Freeway, Young Chris, and Sparks, with Beanie Sigel bringing it home. 

Meyhem Lauren & Harry Fraud ft. $bags : Brunch At The Breakers

The 2018 "Glass" EP had some great tracks on it, but left me wanting to hear more - clearly, they were holding out on us a little, because the recent "Glass 2.0" is built from tracks that didn't make the initial release! It was a tough choice between this and "Steamed Monkfish (Remix)" to see what made it onto the episode, but the gliding sample and overall feel of the beat ended up being the decider. I won't give away the sample, but as familiar as it seemed on listening here...I don't think I've ever heard the record before. 

Above The Law : My World

The 1996 "Time Will Reveal" album was the fourth straight gem from Above The Law, and this track is one of my favourites. The late KMG takes the first verse, and Cold 187um the second, as well as showing out on the production in a major way. The female vocal on the hook is uncredited, but definitely adds onto the flavour. This is a track to roll slow to.

Massive Attack : Weather Storm

This nice instrumental cut from "Protection" is not one often talked about, but it's so good. Taking a great sample, letting it breathe, and working around it just enough is an art and one that this Bristol crew definitely mastered.

Matteo Getz & Termanology : Summer In The City

Massachusetts connection here with the producer and Lo-head Matteo Getz cooking up a beat for Lawrence's Termanology, an MC I feel is often underrated. This is taken from last year's release "The Getz Collection", which I think might have to be a pickup based on this.  

Gang Starr ft. Jeru The Damaja : From A Distance

Still can't believe we got another Gang Starr LP last year, and to have Jeru as a guest takes it back to the "Daily Operation" days! Like most tracks on the album, this is fairly short, but both Guru and Jeru get the job done over a signature Preemo beat - check the contrast on alternating bars between the lush strings and the almost white-noise stabs.

Timeless Truth : Wavelength

Nothing but the raw boom-bap on this! Large Professor is responsible for the beat (the very sharp-eared would have picked that up without me even saying anything), while Solace and OPrime39 share mic duties, culminating in splitting the final verse down the middle. "Cold Wave" is an album for those who want the uncut.

Enemy Radio : 2020

If you hadn't heard, Enemy Radio is the stripped-down, sound system version of Public Enemy, with Chuck D joined on the mic by Jahi and long-time PE DJ Lord Aswod on the turntables. Their new LP "Loud Is Not Enough" is out in parallel with material from their original lineup, but allows a different emphasis. This year has often felt like the world is ending, and Chuck D is the #1 MC for that time! Notice how short the actual verses from he and Jahi are on this C-Doc-produced track - they not only paint a picture of the darkness of 2020 but do so with incredible lyrical efficiency.

[Kev Brown] DJ Jazzy Jeff : Da Rebirth (Instrumental)

It's been a long time (almost 100 episodes) since I played the vocal version, so here's the instrumental in case you forgot how ill the beat is :) Fairly early work by Kev Brown, in his days collaborating with the A Touch of Jazz camp - this is on "The Magnificent EP".

KinKai ft. Children of Zeus : Top Down

There hasn't been as much road trip time as we'd like in the COVID reality, but Mancunians are nothing if not appreciative of good weather when it comes! KinKai's new LP "A Few Pennies Worth" is a great release for the season, and this single was a hell of a way to precede it - bringing in Manchester's own Children of Zeus for a summer anthem produced beautifully by Paya. 

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[thirstyfortom]

High School Band AU: Ch. 7

Hope you all like this! ^^

You turn the light switcher and the ceiling fan in one quick move, giving a quick look around the record store. It looks cleaner than it used to be before summer, but you still have some work to do with the records on the second floor. Hopefully, Jaehee and Jumin won’t feel like climbing up the stairs.

“Make yourself comfortable, guys. Or… at least try to.”

“It looks almost like a library.” Jaehee looks around everywhere. “How many records do you think there are?”

“More than 3000.” Jumin states, flipping though some random albums mindlessly.

“3.647, actually.” Both of them look at you curiously. “According to my uncle, don’t look at me like I counted them all.” You lost count, actually.

“It’s impressive. Do you have profit?” Jumin asks, glancing quickly to the cashier register.

“Come on, people don’t buy even CDs these days, let alone vinyl records. We do have some faithful customers, however. My uncle’s former band mates, some elderly citizens who like bolero and hipsters who are looking for inspiration for t-shirts, I guess.”

“Well, some albums’ covers look like true masterpieces, so it’s understandable.” Not really the point, but yeah, he’s right.

“Anyway, feel free to have a look around. Let me know if you like something, maybe there is a symbolic prize and you’ll pay less for it.”

“Oh yes, V told me about how he bought a Patti Smith’s album almost for free.” Ugh… why did V lie about this to him as well?

“How is he? I mean… how is college?” and Rika? Are they dating? Did he find out she’s a weird girl who throws flirty threats to her cousin’s friend?

“He texted me yesterday, we’re not talking much because he’s been busy. I didn’t know you’ve knew him to know he is in college, MC.”

“Well, we had a casual talk right here a few days ago. He talked about college and told me about the audition, the rest you know by yourself.” He also said you’re talented.

“Well, he’s not one to brag, but he can get very cocky sometimes.” He says flipping through some records again. “Do you have Meatloaf?”

“Do you like Meat Loaf?” you and Jaehee ask at the same time, he rolls his eyes and goes back to flipping through the records. Well, he does, and he’s not proud of it.

“I guess you could say it’s a sort of guilty pleasure.” He mutters.

“I think guilty pleasures are so lame.” Both of them look at you. “I mean, why would you be embarrassed about something that makes you happy? Except it’s something outrageous or… incriminating, I don’t know. Why would you be embarrassed about liking Meat Loaf?”

“Because it’s a band with the name of a food, because it’s not even a great rock band, because… their songs aren’t bad…”

“Yeah? And so what? You like it, it makes you happy. Everybody likes terrible things. Me, for example, I love… the Kardashians.”

“Will it be offensive if I say I’m not that surprised?” he asks. Was that… a joke? Coming from Jumin Han?

“It wouldn’t, because I’m not feeling guilty of my pleasure, or… something like this, I guess. What about you, Jaehee? There’s something you’re embarrassed of liking it?”

“Zen.” Jumin says, still looking at the records, not noticing- or not minding- the surprised eyes from both girls.

“Zen?” you ask, trying to ignore he basically called Zen a “something”. “Jaehee, you…?”

“I don’t. Jumin is getting quite imaginative these days.�� Wow, she’s being as formal as him, a sign that she’s nervous? A sign that she’s lying?

“Are you denying you liked him when we were freshmen?”

“Every girl liked Zen in the first year. I was no exception, but… now we are fiends and things changed a lot in two years, Jumin.”

“If you say so.” He shrugs, showing he’s not interested in going on with this conversation, but you are.

“Have you and Zen… ever…?”

“Oh, oh no… it was just a crush, but it faded away as soon as we became friends. He… wanted dancing lessons from me.” She blushes and looks away, which is… amusing somehow.

“You dance?”

“I did ballet and modern dance when I was younger. And Zen… wanted to learn how to dance to join the musical theater club.”

“Oh… why haven’t you joined? We could have been buddies watching the club getting shut down.”

“I…” she starts messing some old show tunes records “Oh! A Chorus Line, have you ever heard this one, MC?”

“I did. We sang ‘One’ in the club once. Ugh… so cheesy, I would have shut down any club who submits their students to such a monstrosity like that… but the real musical is great.”

“Oh, I love ‘At the Ballet’!” and then she hums the melody, oh… judging from what you’re hearing, she is… “Oh, sorry, I’m a little tonedeaf.”

“I see…” you hear, actually.

“Anyway… if you don’t mind me asking, what was your fight with Saeran about?”

“You fought with Saeran?” wow, Jumin isn’t really up to date with things going on around him, except when it comes to Zen, and… Rika? No, don’t think bout Rika right now.

“He was just being rude, as usual, but this time I wasn’t having it. Not that I had the other times, fuck him.”

“He was talking about a girl wanting to kiss you…?” Jaehee asks.

“Oh, yeah… that. Hum… you know what? Maybe he isn’t that wrong, I… I’m just crazy.” You don’t really want to talk about Rika in front of Jumin, though you’re pretty sure if there is a person who can give you some answers, it would be him.

“You just said you weren’t having it. What made you change your mind?” he asks. Shit!

“I… I don’t know. And… who cares if there is a girl wanting to kiss me, right? There’s nothing wrong with that. You two know that better than I do, probably.” They both look at you intently.

“What do…”

“… you mean?”

“Well, because you’re both gay,and…”

“Gay?” they look at each other, confused, and then at you. “Who’s gay, MC?” Jaehee asks, blushing.

“You… two? Aren’t you?”

“No!” Jaehee protests clumsly, getting all flustered. Oh… were you doing the stereotype thing again? Just like you did with Zen’s friend? Ugh… stupid!

“I heard that too many times to even bother to answer.” Jumin rolls his eyes. “Oh, and I’m taking these, MC. How much?” you say a price, wondering if you should have established a symbolic price by yourself after obviously upsetting him. “Keep the change. I’ll get going, do you need a ride, Jaehee?”

“No, I’m fine.” He nods and waves a goodbye to you, heading out of the store. Shit… when you thought you two were starting to get along.

“I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

“With Jumin? Nah, I don’t think so. He just… likes to make dramatic exits.” You both chuckle. Though you’re not fully convinced, you’re a little relieved after her attempt of making you feel better, like a great leader would do. “MC, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Do you… why did you think I was gay?”

“No particular reason beside me thinking of stereotypes. You just… have this really badass haircut, and… walks with this bunch of guys, and… you know? I should stop talking, I feel like I’m sounding more and more stupid.” She chuckles. “I’m sorry for jumping into conclusions, Jaehee, I…”

“It’s fine. Oh… and just so you know, I… don’t think there’s something wrong with kissing girls, either.” She smiles and you smile back. “So… does that phonograph work?”

“It does, my uncle takes a better care of it than he does with his own health, actually.”

“So, uhm… can we hear this?” she shyly takes the Chorus Line out of the pile, and you smile, taking it from her hand.

But you barely listened to the album, you were busy talking. You used to have a lot of girlfriends when you were in middle school, even though you felt oddly dislocated in girl talking. But with her, it was pretty natural. Your mother used to tell you that when two girl laugh together, they become friends for real. And your cheeks were hurting from how much you laughed.

“So Zen asked me if he had to wear a leotard to learn ballet.”

“Oh my God, tell me you told him that was mandatory!”

“Well, I didn’t… but I regret up until these days not to.” You both laugh. “I… really liked him back then, I didn’t want him to make a fool of himself.”

“What happened? Why haven’t you… confessed to him or something?”

“I honestly realized we would work better as friends. There’s always this point with Zen, you’ll see.” What does she mean? Is she… is she thinking you and Zen…?

“Oh, I guess we are at this point already.” Are you? You haven’t talked much with him ever since… that day you sang with Yoosung… “So… how did a tonedeaf great ballet dancer with a badass haircut like you become the manager of these guys?

“Well, Jumin and I were partners in a lot of group tasks, he was going to take over V’s place at the bass and needed someone to fill his place as the manager, so… I was the better option, according to him.” Oh… Jumin was the manager, no wonder he still acts like a leader, somehow. Did he boss Rika around telling her not to shake her hips like he does to you? “And, I have much more fun than I care to admit, you know? They are… well, you are, like a bunch of brothers, teasing, fighting and in the end, having fun. And I’m the momager.”

“Did you just…?”

“You’re not the only one to like the Kardashians, MC. But shhh, I’m not so proud of my guilty pleasures like you.” You both laugh. “Ahh, is that ‘Sing’ ? This music is perfect for me!” Oh yeah, the Chorus Line soundtrack, you were so focused o your talk you almost forgot about the song. “See, I really couldn’t sing, I could never do was…”

“Sing.” You follow the record playing, and she smiles at you.

“I have trouble with the…”

“Note”.

“It goes all around my… “

“Throat”

“It’s a terrifying…”

“Thing!”

And you two keep playing this unusual duet, even waltzing in the part they sing “Still, I’m terrific at a… dance!”

And as you dance in the limited space, smiling and having fun, you realize how bad you misjudge her in the first time you’ve met each other. The guys showed who they were to you in the minute you’ve met, Zen was flirty, Saeyoung was crazy, Yoosung was sweet, Jumin was cold and Saeran was… a dick. She’s the only one who didn’t show you much, maybe for you to realize she’s even sweeter, nicer and more caring than what you could possibly expect from your first impression?

She’s an amazing person you’re glad o become friends with. To the point you don’t even want her to go when she looks at her watch and says it’s late.

“I had lots of fun today, MC! I knew convincing Jumin to come with me to meet where you work was a good idea!”

“Oh, I thought it was the other way around, he convinced you…”

“Nah, between the two of us, Jumin thinks he is still the boss, but… he’s not.” You two chuckle. “Though, I have to agree with him and say you can take it easy a little on the hips thing.” Well, it’s not like you really mind if you’re being asked politely like this, just because of her, you will consider. “See you tomorrow, MC!”

This was great! You miss haing fun with other girls, if only your classmates weren’t so pathetic gushing over Zen and…

Zen… Jaehee said she doesn’t like Zen anymore, why do you care so much? It’s not like… it’s not like you’re just like your classmates, are you? No, no you’re not! They probably don’t think there’s nothing wrong with kissing girls.

←  Chapter 6 | Chapter 8  →

[ellliewilliams]

Horizon: Zero Dawn

Horizon is truly a benchmark in gaming. The fact that they managed to build such a large world with so many technical details is amazing, from the lush foliage to the character animations. The developers truly put their everything into this game and it shows.

I just finished it tonight. If I’m being perfectly honest, the story didn’t wow me along the way. I predicted a lot of what was going to happen, and not in a sleuthy look-at-me-go way, but in a way where I was just never really stunned or captured. It was all very plausible (as far as sci-fi plausibility goes) and sometimes cliche. What made it interesting was the voice actors and a few of the characters, Aloy and Elisabet namely. Add the random journal entries (viewpoint data especially) and poems from the metal flowers and it was enough to keep me going even during the times I wanted to throw my controller down in frustration.

So for the majority of the game, I was wondering if it was going to ever really pull me in. In somewhat of a disappointment, that didn’t happen til the very end. But I’m thankful it did, because there I was crying as Aloy found the resolution she had been looking for and the ties finally came together. What the story lacked during the majority of the game was redeemed by the emotional and gripping ending.

There were issues throughout the game, such as unreliable destination markers, voiceovers talking over each other (specifically during key parts of the game like during the playback of voice logs), and confusing camera work. None of this would stop me from recommending this game to anyone, though. The detail, the care, the thought put into it is remarkable. The soundtrack is amazing, too. If you have the time, listen to the selections that play during the credits. You get a few extended versions of the sun priests chants and it's enough to make me want a vinyl pressing.

Horizon: Zero Dawn is truthfully the raised bar in open world gaming. I respect what the developers have presented us and will definitely be interested in what they have to offer in the future. They did an awesome job.

Also, I’m gonna miss the heck out of Aloy.

[acehotel]

INTERVIEW: JUSTIN STRAUSS WITH MICHEL GAUBERT

Paris, France

Michel Gaubert, legendary French sound illustrator, is the go-to sonic maven for fashion designers from Raf Simons to Karl Lagerfeld, Loewe to Rodarte. Music obsessed his whole life, Gaubert’s record collection is a behemoth, physical history of his tastes, as is his Instagram account, widely noted for its originality and idiosyncratic visual vocabulary. For this episode of Just/Talk, Ace friend, DJ and music producer Justin Strauss caught up with Gaubert at his home in Paris to talk about the downfall of Champs Discques, if Paris or New York has better nightclubs and what it’s like to soundtrack a Chanel show. 

Justin Strauss: For me, fashion and music have always gone hand in hand. When I was a kid, I saw The Beatles and that changed my life musically. Seeing the way they looked, how they dressed played a huge part. What was your inspiration? When did your love affair with music and fashion start?

Michel Gaubert: It started at a very early age because my mother was very much into fashion. She had a bookstore, and we would get all the magazines at home, and I was watching those TV programs, and I liked the whole thing — just like you.

I thought there was more to music, more to music than just the actual music. There was also the lifestyle — I mean I don’t like that word, “lifestyle,” but they dressed to represent themselves because I think representation is also a part of it, part of the music, like the artwork on records. I was conscious of that. I think the biggest revelation for me was David Bowie and Roxy Music because they were performers. And then Patti Smith came along with a whole different thing where style meant something. 

JS: So was it David Bowie for you, your inspiration?

MG: Yeah, there was so much about him. I listened to the record Hunky Dory, the back cover with him wearing the large pants and the whole thing… Oh my God it was interesting. Ziggy Stardust came up and I was like “wow.” I loved everything about it, the melody, the lyrics, the aesthetic; it was good.

JS: I was lucky enough to see that show.

MG: Oh you were?

JS: Yeah, like you seeing David Bowie, I had already been into The Beatles and the whole British thing from a very young age, and then as a teenager, I was in this band Milk n’ Cookies — and you know, we just loved everything English; and then David Bowie and the whole glam scene came along and it was everything.

MG: And for me, Roxy Music is the same thing. The first three or four years of Roxy Music was absolutely unbelievable. I saw David Bowie when Station to Station came out and for Let’s Dance. With Roxy Music, I saw them quite early on 1976 in Paris when Bryan Ferry was dressed in military, a black tie tucked in and the whole thing. I liked him when he was with Jerry Hall…

JS: The bass player of Milk n’ Cookies played with Roxy Music on tour before he joined the band. David Bowie, Roxy Music and Sparks for me were the biggest. And our band was discovered by Sparks’ managers so we kind of got to be really involved with that.

MG: I loved the guy who did the Sparks album covers Kimono My House and Propaganda.

JS: That guy, Nick Deville, also art directed all the great Roxy Music album covers and did the Milk n’ Cookies album cover as well. They used a few different photographers but he was the art director.

MG: For Roxy Music it was Karl Stoecker.

And it’s funny because at Raf Simons’ show last February, we started the show with that song from Roxy Music, “In Every Dream Home a Heartache.” Because the collection was very black satin, jewelry, colors, all that kind of stuff.

JS: Well, the cover “For Your Pleasure” with Amanda Lear and walking the black cheetah was so striking, and such an important part of the album experience — how sad that is so missing from today’s music scene, the artwork.

MG: It is. I mean I hate cds.

JS: It’s beyond cds now, it’s just something in the air.

MG: I do like to use them, of course, and also digital files. But I still like vinyl, cause when you get a vinyl it’s the whole thing. It’s fantastic to look at. And cds, they never come close with artwork.

JS: So you’re into David Bowie, you’re into Roxy Music, and how did you start working in music as a living?

MG: Well, after spending time in London, I then went for one year to America as an exchange student.

JS: Where? New York?

MG: No, no, no. I went to California. I was sent to California but I was still in school. When I came back to Paris, I didn’t do much for a couple of years and then I started to work in a record store, Champs Discques. And from then I made quite a few friends and people liked what I had to offer. In those days, the record store was much more than it is now, the ones that are left.

JS: You were a curator to your customers. They trusted you and your taste. And the records you would recommend to them.

MG: Yes, exactly.

JS: It was a great record store.

MG: It was fun, I mean I got to know all the DJs in Paris, lots of people came to that store. It was more than a record store, it was an “in” place to go. From working there I got asked to work at Le Palace.

JS: Had you DJ’d before that?

MG: No, no. I did it because they had the main room and then downstairs a roller disco, and I was convinced it was the right thing to do. So they asked me for a different style of music and I just did it. So, of course, there was lots of fashion there at Le Palace.

JS: Le Palace I always related to Studio 54 in New York.

MG: I think it was better. It was that kind of a place where I think it was more cultural than Studio 54. I think it was more refined. Studio 54 was this amazing place when you walked in but then… I thought the balance was bad.

JS: And musically, what were you playing?

MG: Everything. I was playing Rick James, X-Ray Spex, Devo, Talking Heads.

JS: So it was very much like the Mudd Club in New York.

MG: Yes, it was more like that.

JS: But in a fancier place.

MG: Yes, see that’s what I liked about Le Palace. Okay, you’ve got a mixture of the Mudd Club and then Studio 54. Studio 54 is all about the glossy and Le Palace had the mixture of both — it could be dirty also, which I liked — and why I think it’s better.

JS: I never DJ’d before the Mudd Club either and I just played what I liked. I didn’t know how to mix records.

MG: Boom, boom, boom, like that. It was just to make sure you caught the end of the record before the next one. They would  play weird stuff like Eddie Harris. It was super.

JS: Anything goes.

MG: Everything goes, it was diverse, but I was not playing the Bee Gees. I was not playing that kind of stuff.

JS: Did they play that in the main room?

MG: Upstairs, yes, yes. I mean there was some cool disco stuff but I was more of the alternative thing. And I liked all the new wave, all that kind of stuff, new wave. Gary Numan, B52s…

JS: I guess it’s very similar to what was going on in New York at the Mudd Club, Danceteria, and the Ritz. The Ritz kind of reminded me of Le Palace because the Ritz was an old, beautiful place, kind of like Le Palace, and everyone played there from Human League to Kraftwerk. Back then, I was DJing there at least three times a week. It was crazy, when you think about all the music that came from around that period from so many different places. From punk to funk, to early hip hop, to disco. It was insane.

MG: Yeah, it was a truly crazy era. I don’t want to sound like an old person but it was truly like a beginning of things. I saw a Kraftwerk show in Paris, and they had all those robots on stage and things like that.

JS: Do you mean when Computer World came out?

MG: Probably, yeah.

JS: Because that’s when they played in New York, at The Ritz.

MG: And then I went to New York to the Paradise Garage and they were playing Numbers and all those kids were dancing to Numbers. I said, what?! I like the cross-cultural thing.

JS: I mean that’s funny how our stories are very similar because Afrika Bambaataa used to hang out at the Mudd Club. We became friends and then when I started to work at the Ritz, Kraftwerk were playing and I invited him to the show and that just blew his mind. It was just such a great thing how all the kids who loved hip hop really embraced Kraftwerk.

MG: Of course. A couple of years ago they were sampling New Wave records a lot, all those kids.

JS: Then there was a scene in Paris, I think around the same time, like Z records.

MG: Celluloid Records too.

JS: Yeah, Celluloid Records were filtering into New York and we played all those records at the Mudd Club and Danceteria, they were huge.

MG: Yes, Fab Five Freddy “Change The Beat.” There was good stuff at the time. The thing is, the music in France is different from America. It was more open. I mean America had amazing music, but in Europe there are smaller countries so we were more aware of what was going on around us like what was happening in Germany, Italy and Holland. Plus, in France we were a bit like, deprived musically since we had limited radio and television stations. 

JS: You had access to a lot of music, we didn’t have that.

MG: And in America music was either American or British. The rest was more —

JS: We would have to look harder to get it as a DJ. There were little stores like 99 Records or whatever that would bring in the crazy stuff so yeah, we would find it, but it was harder. So how long did you DJ for at Le Palace?

MG: I DJ’d for Le Palace for about 3 years and then I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I was, at the same time, still working at Champs Discques and I was working at Le Palace twice a week. But then that would fuck me over for the week. At the same time I had some friends who were asking me to do music for a fashion show, and I said, “Okay, sure I’ll do it.”

JS: What was the first one you did?

MG: It was a friend of mine, the brand was called Vestiaire. It means “wardrobe,” basically. It was a men’s show in a restaurant. And then some people asked me to do another one, and another one, and then I started to do a bit more and then I got fired from the record store.

JS: Why?

MG: Well the record store was not doing so good anymore because Virgin came next to it and the owner, unlike us, rather than highlighting all the strong points of Champs Discques, he went to compete with them. Like slashing prices, all that kind of stuff. It was the wrong move, it was more an ego trip, but you know.

So I wasn’t there enough probably so he fired me. So I was like “Oh my God!” That’s okay, maybe it’s the kick in the ass I need.

JS: Sometimes those things are the best things that could happen to you.

MG: Yeah, and after I was fired I was like “Shit, I wish he would have fired me earlier.”

JS: I did the same thing, I got asked by Stephen Sprouse to do the music for his first big show which was at the Ritz, and we opened with “Search and Destroy” by Iggy and the Stooges and it was just like the most amazing thing. I’ve done a bunch, but I got into the remixing thing and that took up all my time so I couldn’t really do it so much.

MG: It’s fun, plus it’s good when you find an alter ego to work with. You know when there is a feeling of trust between the designer and you, both ways, when they trust you because they know when you say something, when you propose it, it means something, and also when you trust them. Then you know you can play for them whatever you think is right, and you feel comfortable in that.

JS: Was there one show that kind of set your career off that was like magic?

MG: Yeah, I think it was the show for Karl Lagerfeld. That one was planned before I left the record store — I knew him from the record store, he was a steady customer. He said “Would you like to do music for my show.” I said “Sure, why not, of course.”

JS: It was huge show obviously.

MG: Yeah, it was a big one and the music was inspired by Malcolm Mclaren’s “House of Blue Danube” and all that kind of stuff. It made my career. I mixed Soul II Soul with Strauss and De La Soul, with opera dialogues, that kind of stuff. It was great.

JS: And were you mixing it live with records back then?

MG: No, no —

JS: You recorded it?

MG: I worked with Dimitri from Paris for the first three years. It was all done reel to reel.

JS: Tape edits?

MG: Yes. It was done like that. I was not able to do it, but he had wonderful fingers and ears.

JS: So now these days when you hear about music and fashion, if there’s some amazing fashion show, it’s probably you doing the music.

MG: There are other people…

JS: Yeah, but you have been super successful at it. Is this still exciting for you?

MG: Yeah, of course. Like I said, when there is this idea of collaborating with someone, it’s exciting. When you know it can push things, like the Chanel show for example, they are big productions. For me, it’s cool, it’s the spectacle. It’s like soundtracking a movie or something that makes it feel different. And then there are people who I like to work with because you know that they have a sense of fashion which is unique and I learn things from them and they learn things from me. So that’s the best part.

JS: Yeah, when those worlds collide and inspire each other. That’s one thing which I always miss about New York and the 80s, when you had Jean-Michel Basquiat, Keith Haring, Andy Warhol, all these artists coming to the clubs, being part of the whole scene. Everyone was intermixing and everybody was inspiring everyone else and that’s a great thing.

MG: It’s more complicated now. They have still this kind of thing. I don’t know if it was in New York, but in Paris we had places you could go to every night and see the same crowd. Now there’s not a club like that. There’s places people will migrate from one place to the other depending on what goes on, so it’s a bit different. I like the idea of having one place to go every night, the same place. You know you don’t have to worry about anybody. And you can say "Hi, how are you? See you tomorrow.” Cause then you would dress up, dress up for the other kids and for yourself.

JS: It was like the first time I went to the Backroom at Max’s Kansas City. Everybody knew each other, everyone was like “Oh who’s this new kid?” Any of those clubs like Area, Mudd Club, everyone knew each other.

MG: That’s cool, that’s cool. Everyone knows each other when I go to a fashion party or something, so it’s part work and part fun.

JS: So when you work with a designer now, do they come to you for ideas and inspiration as well? Is it mutual?

MG: Both, both. There are several ways to look at it. Either I come up with stuff or an idea and some say, “Listen, hey there is this track I like. What do you think?” I say what I think.

JS: You do multiple shows every season. Is that something that’s difficult?

MG: Yes and no. I mean, the shows are now ten minutes long. When I started they were like 35 or 40 minutes, which was super hard to do to keep people’s attention span for 45 minutes. But then, the usual was 45 minutes. Now it’s ten minutes and everyone has a very specific image.

JS: Do you ever find they musically crossover?

MG: Not, not really. 

JS: That’s good. Because sometimes there is a theme running through the season and a lot of the designers kind of —

MG: Of course sometimes there is a new big album they all are tempted to use, but I think it’s because of that and also because music is easy to get and not so easy to get. When you are not into music it’s pretty difficult to know what’s going on. People want to make it more individual. If you have a good new record at the right time, then it works. Let’s say I got a record and I know I have a show in three days, then it’s perfectly fine. But if it’s been around for a month, you don’t need it. It’s all a question of timing.

JS:  How do you feel about the way music is heard now and how many people don’t buy music? I mean it’s never going back to what it was.

MG: No, I don’t know if it’s good culturally but that’s one thing. Because, at least, like a lot of music I know from the past I grew up with or listened to when it came out. You relate to what’s around you and what it means at the time. There was always a significant connection to be made somewhere with the music. These days, people listen to music all across the board regardless if it’s new, old, whatever. Sometimes a lot of people don’t know how to focus.

JS: There’s no connection like there used to be. It’s very disposable, I find, and people’s attention spans are shorter because of the internet and everything is quick, quick, quick, they don’t take the time to let it really sink in.

MG: But I do the same thing too, sometimes, because there is stuff I want to listen to. I just do something else and put the record on and listen to it at the same time.

JS: Where do you find your music these days?

MG: Everywhere. Everywhere.

JS: Do you still go record shopping?

MG: Not really. Do you?

JS: I mean I try to. But there’s so much new music that doesn’t get released on vinyl so it’s nice to get the record if you love it.

MG: When I like a record and it’s worth it, I get it. The last one I went to was in January and I went to work in London. I bought some stuff because it’s there in front of you. You know, “I don’t have this” or “I don’t have that” and you just get it. As a matter of fact, I think it’s harder to buy them like that because you don’t see as much.

JS: When I DJ, I bring a small bag of vinyl. It’s still great to play, but a USB stick is life-changing. So many great things have come along with the technology and so many not so great things too.

MG: I think it’s great and I think there are bad things too. I think society is too dependent on the machines and a lot of the things that go wrong are also because of the machines. People don’t know what to do if they don’t have their machine. So basically, and me included, it can’t be just that and no USB stick.

JS: That’s pretty standard. It’s become the standard and not the turntable. When it was changing over and you saw these DJs come in and set up their laptop, wires, pulling out everything and then two minutes later the computer would crash, and there would be nothing. Then they would be like “Can you put on a record?” Because the record always works. People have become too  dependent on the internet.

MG: Everything, people’s minds, fake news. It’s crazy, it’s very, very crazy.

JS: What did you do when you came to New York? What was happening and did you go to the clubs?

MG: Of course. I have a good friend who we stayed with for three weeks. Florent from the restaurant, Florent. And he lived on Lafayette and Spring. So we got there, and there were like three bullet holes in the glass and maybe 25 more on the sidewalk, and we were just like “oh my God.” We went through the East Village and were like, “Where am I?” So the first night we decided to go out because a friend of his was like “Oh my God there is a Dolly Parton birthday party at Studio 54, you want to come?” And of course, I wanted to come. So we go and we took a taxi and the taxi cab driver was like “Are you going to 54? What do you want, quaaludes?” And we went to Studio 54.

JS: When did you go to the Paradise Garage?

MG: That was later. I went in 81. So I went to Studio 54, the Mudd Club was also 81.

JS: When you walked into Paradise Garage was it like anything you had ever experienced?

MG: I remember going up a ramp with candles or lights on the ground, going up that way and then turning a right like this, and then I remember hearing Numbers by Kraftwerk and that completely blew my mind.

I went to the Mudd Club when it was New Romantics time period. They were playing Soft Cell "Tainted Love” like ten times in a row.

JS: I worked there then. Started there in late 79 and played there until the late 1980. I went to the Blitz Club once which was pretty crazy.

MG: In England?

JS: Yes with Steve Strange.

MG: I didn’t go there. I never went clubbing in London really. But in New York, yes, and I went to Pyramid. I went to all the gay clubs. I went to the 12 West.

JS: Yeah the gay clubs were the most forward thinking. Back then The Garage, 12 West, Infinity, all those clubs were known for breaking new music and that’s where you heard all the best new records. Then that sort of went away.

MG: I see it the way it was at Champs Discques. I mean the store was super successful because in France we didn’t have many radio stations that would play that kind of stuff, and there was no way to get music. So we were playing really loud, all day long, the things we liked about every 10 to 15 minutes and people were grateful. They’re like “Oh my God, that’s so cool.”

JS: It was the only way to hear new music. Especially club music.

MG: Exactly, and even in the clubs there was a bit more freedom. Not freedom, but I could play a lot of things whenever I wanted because people were interested in discovering stuff, you know what I mean? Now people want to hear what they know or relate to. People don’t understand. They think a DJ should play whatever.

JS: “What do you mean you don’t have it?” And they hand you their phone. For me and for you I’m sure was the same. A great DJ was someone who would turn you on to new music. I didn’t want to hear only things I knew.

MG: Exactly, me too. I like to discover new stuff and older music I don’t know. There’s so much music. There’s new music, in-between music you forgot about in the past, you know or you forgot about, it’s like a full time job.

JS: Do you ever get involved in actually creating music for shows?

MG: Yeah. But I don’t create it myself. I work with people. I had a good experience with the Chromatics. That was really good and Johnny was super involved in it, that was really good.

JS: Have you ever been involved in mixing records or re-mixing?

MG: No, never.

JS: Produced your own tracks?

MG: No, I really don’t have the time. Plus, I think I would be too demanding, you know what I mean? Never happy with the result or whatever. I can be very demanding.

JS: You basically go from one season and start working on the next… How many shows do you do a year?

MG: Probably 100.

JS: Do you work with New York designers?

MG: Yes, of course. New York, also French designers, we work with Calvin Klein, Proenza Schouler, Rodarte, Michael Kors.

JS: What do you think about brands like, say Kenzo, or so many brands where the original designer is not involved anymore and they bring in new people to re-brand it? You’ve been around to know the original designers.

MG: Yeah, well I think some people do a good job. I mean I like what they do at Kenzo. I like their point of view, I like what they do with music.

JS: They use a lot of original music as well.

MG: Yeah, yeah which I think “why not?” They can use the music on the videos… I like the movies they make for perfume. They have a good thing going on.

JS: You’re very active on Instagram. Was Facebook ever a thing for you?

MG: Yeah. I started doing it on Facebook, but then I find the process on Instagram to be more direct, quicker, easier, and has a wider reach. I think it’s more fun.

JS: It’s one of the best things about what’s going on with the Internet. Communicating with people through images.

MG: Yeah. It’s fun because it’s like a jigsaw puzzle and then sometimes I’m like, “My God this picture, I’m sure I’m going to get this many likes” and it’s like a game. Like, okay I won again.

JS: Do you get disappointed when you get something that you think people are really going to get and then they don’t?

MG: No I don’t. I don’t know when the best time is to post. I don’t know any of that kind of stuff, I’m a very instinctive person.

JS: I see you posting stuff in the middle of the night and then early in the morning.

MG: Yeah, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night for like half an hour and post.

JS: And do you just have a collection of images?

MG: Yeah, I collect them. I do collect and then there are some I research. Music, fashion, architecture, and all of the stuff I like. And of course the way it is when you find something, it leads you to something else, and something else, and something else, and that’s the way it works.

JS: And do you do your own images as well?

MG: Not really. Yeah sometimes I take pictures, otherwise, I don’t create anything especially for that. It’s found. It’s pictures I take, or it’s clippings from magazines, or it’s pictures from a book. This week I’m going to scan a few pictures from books I have, because I know you won’t be able to get them anywhere. So I like to share that too.

JS: You’ve got a nice following. People seem to love what you do and really react to it.

MG: I guess now I have quite a few, and with it comes the other side, I have a few haters.

JS: If you don’t have some haters, you’re not doing something right.

MG: That’s right! That’s what I thought as well.