#sounds like itll be a great day

[a-sleepy-ginger]

24/5/24

✿❈✿❈✿

Double ender toast

Talked with brother

Played with dog

Dinner (rice bowl with veg meat and jalapenos)

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

[jorvikzelda]

adding this to the list of Severely fucking stupid absrad deaths

BUT!! (under cut so as to not Clog)

we fucking got there in the end baby

(did a couple tries for radiant, then was Swept Away by the Migraine. We’ll get there.)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[foxstens]

i wanna play elden ring :(((((((((((((((((((((

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

two of the transfems youre friends with have been talking to you about the clinic they got their bottom surgery done at. apparently its dirt cheap, and the surgeon - despite some oddities and, your friends admit, poor hygiene - is incredibly talented. theyre more than happy to give you her phone number when you ask, and while it sounds simultaneously incredibly sketchy and way too good to be true, at this point youre just so broke, desperate, and tired of gatekeepers that you're willing to give it a shot.

you call on a thursday afternoon, and the call is picked up on the fourth ring, when youre just gearing up to hear an answering machine. the voice on the other end sounds like a middle-aged woman with a smoking habit trying to sound like a cheery, bubbly young girl, and mostly succeeding. hiiiii! what can i do for you? she asks. you say er im looking for a surgical clinic is this the right number? she says mhm! thats me. you say okay, i just have a few questions. she says shoot. you say do you take patients who arent referred to you? she says nobody refers patients to me so yes. then she giggles. youve never heard somebody pull off a giggle in real life. you ask okay, so ive been looking for a place to get my metoidoplasty done, can you do that here? she says i dont know what that is give me like five seconds. then the line goes silent. you can hear her typing on a mechanical keyboard and humming to herself as she reads. youre now convinced that this is not in any way a legitimate medical institution.

youre about to hang up when she comes back on the line. OH you need a dick she says. sure i can do that! does tuesday afternoon work for you? i have that morning free too but i HATE getting up in the mornings so id rather not schedule it if i have to. you say tuesday afternoon is fine, how long should i expect the visit to be? she says i dont know like seven hours? you say seven hours? she says yeah give or take a few, every person is different so i dont know what itll be like until ive got your cunt opened up. honestly probably best to take the whole day off just in case it turns out to be a tough operation. you dont respond to that immediately. she says oh shoot should i not use the word cunt, is that too gendered? sorry. you say no its fine. you say i thought i was just going in for a consult? she says i mean yeah if youd rather. i dont mind doing same-day but some people like having more time to think about their options. do you have somewhere to be tuesday night or something? you say no its just... no tuesday afternoon should be fine. she says okay great!

she gives you her address. she says knock three times so i know its you and not my parole officer. parole officer you ask? she says im being good i promise but i still hate talking to him hes boring. you say if you dont mind me asking what were you imprisoned for? she says the ones i plead guilty to at the trial were a hundred and ninety-two counts of first-degree murder with a parahuman ability, two hundred and fifty-six counts of physical and emotional torture with a parahuman ability, five hundred and six counts of intentional infliction of emotional distress with a parahuman ability, four hundred ninety-eight counts of aggravated assault and battery with a parahuman ability, four hundred twenty five counts of domestic terrorism with a parahuman ability and two hundred and twelve counts without, three counts of arson, two hundred forty two counts of burglary with a parahuman ability, three hundred eight four counts of robbery with a parahuman ability, four hundred twenty seven counts of abduction with a parahuman ability, a hundred eighty six counts of human trafficking with a parahuman ability, three hundred ninety counts of destruction of public property with a parahuman ability, eighty counts of possession of a controlled substance, more than three thousand conspiracy and complicity charges in various felonies, eighteen violations of the Geneva Conventions, and the unauthorized practice of medicine. i plead not guilty to the larceny, sexual assault, contempt of court, corporate espionage, and identity theft charges and the prosecutor didnt really try to fight it since i had already earned seventy life sentences from the other stuff so im technically innocent of those.

you dont say anything to that.

after three seconds of silence she says sooooooooo i'll see you tuesday? you say tuesday, yeah. what was your name again? Riley, she says. Riley Grace Davis. you say thanks again and then hang up.

you debate constantly during the intervening days whether you should go on tuesday. youre grateful your friend group is so slutty; it means youve already seen with your own eyes that this surgery is real and not just a lure to murder you. still, you have some reservations, which you think is perfectly understandable.

you call one of your friends whos been there already. she picks up and you say if this is a joke its only sort of funny. she says if whats a joke? you say the clinic. you say you DID give me the actual number to the place where you actually had your bottom surgery done right? she says yeah, dont worry the surgeons so sweet. you say she admitted to doing two hundred murders when she was on the phone. she says i dont know anything about that but i trust her. you say if i end up dead, kidnapped, or mutilated, its your fault. she says dont worry about it.

tuesday comes. you never agreed to an exact time so you show up as early as you can and still have it be "afternoon" in your mind - 12:30. you climb the rusted fire escape to the third floor door and knock three times. the door is answered by a woman six feet tall in casual but very nice clothes with frizzy brown hair and an expression you cant read. you say er, riley? she says nope. another girl pushes past her, exasperated. she's maybe five foot two and her wavy blonde hair is worn down, with a red bow in it. she's wearing torn jeans - naturally torn, not the sort that you buy with holes in them that youve always hated but the kind that were once normal jeans and now have worn through much of the fabric on the knees. her tshirt is faded and has stains that you cant quite place on it, but youre pretty sure it was once Eidolon merchandise.

she says damnit amy let me answer the door next time. the taller woman, amy apparently, shrugs and steps aside to let you in riley claps her hands together once youre inside and the door is shut. introductions! she shouts. amy, this is, er... I never actually got your name? you tell them your name. she says right! hes one of my clients. and this is Amy, my sister. dont worry about her, shes just a little awkward. amy says can you PLEASE not introduce me as your sister. riley says make me. then she grabs amys shirt and pulls her down, standing on her tiptoes at the same time. they kiss in a very un-sisterly way. you clear your throat politely.

riley breaks away and says right, yeah, sorry! i get distracted easy. youre here to get a dick right. you splutter a bit, both at the bluntness of the question and the fact that amy is still standing right there. riley follows your gaze. she says oh dont worry about her! sorry, i wouldve run her off earlier, i thought you wouldnt come by for another few hours. you say sorry. she says dont worry, its her fault. amy says you didnt tell me you had a client. riley says you didnt ASK. you clear your throat politely again. you say er yes, i did come in for metoidoplasty. she bites her lip and furrows her brow. she says metoido... oh right. well i dont really do that here but i can give you a dick. you say uh im not really interested in phalloplasty. she says whats phalloplasty? amy says its the construction of a penis, usually via tissue flap taken from another part of the body, often followed by the insertion of prosthetics to allow the constructed penis to achieve erection. riley says oh, huh. yeah i dont do that either. i can give you a dick though. she takes a second then puts on an exaggerated scowl. who would want that she asks? amy says lots of people prefer it to metoido for aesthetic reasons or because they dont think theyll be large enough for penetrative sex with metoido. riley says but it wouldnt feel like a dick! man, some surgeons are talentless hacks.

you clear your throat again. you say so if youre- riley says youre clearing your throat a lot, are you okay? you say im fine, its just- she says oh duh were being so rude! why are we all standing around here. come sit down in the living room, do you want anything to drink? she leads you into the living room. it has the unmistakable air of a room thats been cleaned recently, with vacuuming marks present in the carpet and the unmistakable scent of air freshener. the sofa that you're gestured to sit on is, by contrast, unbelievably filthy. stains of every sort are visible on it - some of them are obvious, like the patches of blood and vomit or the ring of a coffee mug. others take you a second to place, like the crusty streak along one cushion that you realize all at once is semen, or the sticky yellow parts that you hope to god are honey. some of them, like the muddy green handprint along one arm of the sofa or the deep black smudge along a seat, are completely foreign to you. you can smell it from several feet away.

amy notices your hesitancy. she says i keep telling her to throw that thing out. riley says and i keep telling HER that its a relic from earth bet! its an antique and itll be worth millions soon. it just needs a good deep cleaning. amy says what that sofa needs is a bullet, not a deep clean. you sit down. drink? riley asks. you say er what do you have? she says water, diet coke, vodka, coffee. no more beer though, SOMEBODY drank the last one. amy says you never said they were off limits! riley says they arent, im just teasing. you say waters fine. riley says aaaaaaaaaamyyyyyyy, could you pleeeeeeaaaaaaaase go get our guest a glass of water and me a diet coke? oh and can you grab the pill bottle on the second shelf of the spice cabinet. amy says sure, i'll be right back.

riley sits down next to you. she says sooooooo what do you want for your dick? you say sorry, if youre not doing phallo or metoido then what exactly are you offering? she says no offense but it would take like literally eight years to give you enough background info for you to understand my explanation, and i dont have that kind of time. im not getting any younger. except for when i am. she laughs louder than you thought a human could. you have no idea how to describe the sound of her laughter. she says just tell me about your dream dick and ill give it to you. trust me, im a doctor.

except that youre not, amy says, returning with glasses and pills in hand. she sets the water down in front of you and you immediately take large gulps, feeling very much lost right now. riley says am TOO, accepting the pill bottle and diet coke from amy. she frowns. why is it can diet coke, she asks? she says glass bottle is so much better. she says why did i even BUY can. amy says they are literally the same liquid, what do you mean its better. riley says theyre not the same, stop deluding yourself. amy says which of us is the REAL doctor? riley says both of us! the PRT finally issued me an equivalency. youre talking to doctor riley davis, MED. amy says oh really? congrats she says. riley beams. then she unscrews the lid of the unlabeled, dark brown glass bottle, grabs three pills, and pops them into her mouth.

what is that you ask. ectasy she says. you want some? you say no thanks. she says you sure? you say i probably shouldnt take drugs before an operation, what if it interacts with the anesthetic? riley says dont worry, i made my own anesthetic that has zero drug-drug interactions. amy says except with sudafed. riley says ok YEAH except with sudafed, how was i supposed to know? she glances at you. you dont take sudafed do you she asks. you say no. she says good. it was such a bitch cleaning the pus off the ceiling she says. you say huh? she says dont worry about it, you dont take sudafed. she says are you sure you dont want any ecstasy? i promise its pure. you say i dont want to get addicted. she says i can surgically remove the addiction pathway from your brain if that would help. amy says riley, no means no. riley says fine. do you want any ecstasy babe? she says no thanks. riley frowns. she says you guys are a bunch of squares. she pops a fourth one and starts chugging diet coke.

she slams the can down after drinking what must be half of it, wipes her mouth with her arm and grins. sorry, we keep getting distracted! she says. she says im getting into the start of a manic episode and that always makes me roll right over people in conversation. what do you want for your dick? you say um. i hadnt really thought about it. its not normally a choice beyond the type of surgery, you sort of just end up with whatever the doctors are able to make work? thats lame she says. why are normal doctors all so lame she says. ok, rude amy says. OBVIOUSLY im not talking about you babe riley says. and stop distracting me from my client! amy holds up her hands in mock surrender, an easy smile on her face.

you didnt bring a toy with you did you, riley asks. you say huh. she says sometimes people bring a toy that they want me to model it after and that makes everything a lot easier. you say no you didn't. you say i hadn't really thought about my preferences, can we go dealer's choice on this? amy pipes up. she says you REALLY dont want riley to go dealers choice. riley says shut up and get me another diet coke, i just finished this one. amy says yes princess. you honestly cant read whether it was meant to be mocking or endearing. riley turns back to you. ok, she says, lets start with basics. primate? canid? equine? suine? dolphin? i could give you a hyena pseudopenis but i dont know if that would be offensive. you say human is fine. she says please dont tell me you're gonna just be boring this whole time. you say define boring. she sighs deeply and starts massaging her temples. amy, having stepped into the room in time to hear the last bit of conversation, tousles rileys hair. she says sorry babe, customer's always right.

you work out the appearance of your soon-to-exist cock this way. riley asks questions about length, girth, hair, amount of semen generated, percentage growth when erect, and you try to give what you think are average answers every time. amy watches, bemused, the whole time. halfway through she leaves to get the bottle of vodka. she drinks five shots in fifteen minutes. you say i didnt think the human body had that much capacity for alcohol resistance. she says it doesnt. riley swats playfully at her arm.

eventually, riley grabs a set of crayons and a cocktail napkin. she says ok, i think we got it, scribbling furiously. she shows you a crayon drawing of a dick. this look good she asks? you squint at it. there are no measurements given and the medium does not allow you to make out any fine detail. you say yeah thats fine. amy tries and fails to hide a smile. riley chucks the napkin aside and rubs her hands together. boring parts done! she says. time to get messy she says. amy pours a sixth shot of vodka. she says dont forget the anesthetic first. riley rolls her eyes. she says OBVIOUSLY i didnt forget the anesthetic. she says ill be right back. as soon as she leaves the room, amy knocks back her shot. she turns to you. she says you mind if i stay and watch? she says i dont want to make you uncomfortable, but i like watching her work. shes cute when shes working. you say at this point youre not sure you would mind anything at all. you say at this point you dont think you would be fazed if she came back with a fully-formed dick wriggling around in her hand like a fish and sewed it onto me. she says dont tempt fate.

riley comes back with a black bag the size of her head, which she sets on the coffee table with a thunk. she points at you and says okay, clothes off. or pants off i guess. you can leave the shirt on. or take it off. i dont care. you take it off. she tells you to lie down and starts pulling things out of the bag. amy stands up from the sofa to give you the space to stretch out and sits on the coffee table instead, one leg pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on her knee.

riley pulls out a syringe from the bag, filled with pitch-black fluid. she says okay this will hurt for a second but only for a second. you say huh? she flips you over onto your belly and jabs the needle against your lower back, into your spinal column. it hurts like a bitch for all of two seconds and then you stop feeling anything at all in your lower body. you also cant move your legs, you realize. what just happened you ask, as she flips you onto your back again. she says i just killed all the cells in the nerves in your lower spine. she says its the easiest way to make sure none of the pain signals slip through, and she'll just replace them with living ones when she's done. you don't know how to respond to that.

she pulls more things out of the bag. a cartoonish array of different cutting implements come out. most of them are various sizes of medical scalpel, ring cutter, or saw, but you also see a pair of chunky pink safety scissors, a pizza cutter, a serrated bread knife, an x-acto, a drill with a comically long bit, a pair of wire cutters, gardening shears, and an awl. she says okay im gonna start operating so look away if you dont wanna see how your crotch looks while its being rearranged. especially if you think you might puke, i hate having to stop to clean up puke in the middle of surgery. you look away. you notice amy is watching transfixed.

for a couple of hours things go on like that. amy and riley make light conversation, with riley filling any silence by humming a wordless tune you dont know. the sounds and smells youre getting are enough to make you slightly sick; you continue not looking.

in the middle of hour two, riley stops. oh goddamnit, she says. what amy asks? riley says she forgot that shed need extra meat. amy says you started a surgery to give somebody a whole new organ and forgot youd need more tissue to do it? riley says shut up, im dumb. amy says no youre not babe. riley says ughhhhh now what. amy says just get his stem cells to grow the tissue you need. riley says nooooooo thatll take forever, and i have places to BE tomorrow, and if i stop putting pressure on him here hes going to bleed out through his cunt. you say wait, what? amy says well i dont know what you want me to do about this situation, i gave you my solution. riley says baaaaaaaaaaabe. amy says whaaaaaaaaaaaat. riley says i think we have some bacon in the fridge, will you pretty please with sprinkles on top go get it? amy says and what do i get in return? riley says a kiss. amy says id get that anyway. riley says my undying love and affection. amy says i have that already. riley says not making me angry at you so you can sleep under my roof without having to worry that ill turn your sweat glands into acid glands in the middle of the night. amy says that, plus i get to top tonight. riley says fiiiiiiiiine, just go get the bacon. amy gets up.

you say look uh i know you said not to question what youre doing but i kind of dont want a dick made of bacon, not to sound ungrateful. also did you say something about me bleeding out? riley says dont worry, if you bleed out ill put the blood back in, im a professional. you say thats not as reassuring as she thinks it is. riley says whos the doctor, mister? you say technically both of us. i have a phd in social sciences you say. she says wow, theyre just giving out doctorates for anything these days, huh? you say hey, rude. she says only teasing. you say anyway, uh, you didnt address the bacon dick thing? she says oh dont worry about it, my amys amazing, youll see.

amy comes back in with the package of bacon. do you need this in any particular shape she asks. riley says nah just give me a good amount of it. and make sure its spongy, so when he gets hard the blood can- amy cuts her off. she says dont worry, ive given you enough penises at this point that i think i know what penile tissue is like at this point. you say given her enough penises? what the hell does that mean? riley says hey, dont kinkshame! she sounds legitimately offended. you say sorry. amy pulls the bacon out of the package, holding it aloft in her left hand. you watch as the familiar look of a half-pound of bacon shifts and warps into a strange lump of fatty, spongy tissue of a waxy color. she hands it to riley. riley says thanks sis youre the best, love you! amy says no problem. riley says id kiss you if i wasnt elbow deep in this guys cunt right now. amy says kiss me after the surgerys done.

another two hours go by. the sounds of flesh being chopped, sawed, and stitched underscore riley and amys meaningless conversation about whether they HAVE to attend their acquaintance lisa's birthday party. riley says lisa probably wouldn't throw a birthday party if there wasn't some sort of scheme going on. amy agrees but says that doesnt indicate whether they should get involved with the scheme or not. you wonder dimly if you will ever feel your lower body again. you wonder if this is purgatory, an endless afternoon of lesbians bickering affectionately while one of them does surgery on you. you turn your head enough to look at the clock. its 5:26pm. where the fuck did the time go?

another hour passes. riley stands up. she is soaked up to her elbow in various bodily fluids - mostly blood, but youre not looking too closely. she says finally! she says just need to regrow your nerve cells now. you say is that going to take long? she says like twenty minutes maybe as she flips you over. you say ok. she jams a different needle into the same spot, injecting a strange yellow paste into your spine. she then flips you onto your back again. you feel brave enough to finally look at your crotch.

there is a completely normal human penis of average size there. you reach a hand down and touch it. you dont have any sensation in it yet since your nerves are all still dead, but it feels warm and soft under your hands. you smile, feeling tears come to your eyes. its over.

rileys talking. she says i followed your specifications except i had to cheat a bit on the nerves, you actually didnt have very many in your clit for whatever reason so your glans has maybe eight thousand fewer nerves than you wanted, sorry about that. she says i gave you balls in your scrotum for shape but since you said you didnt want kids they dont produce sperm. let me know if you want that changed she says. she says it should be fully functional in every respect, but if you notice any erectile dysfunction, incontinence, discoloration in urine or semen, priapism, or any other issue come back and we'll sort it out. if you notice it bleeding in ANY capacity, call me immediately. if im not answering call Amy, ill give you her number. if SHES not answering either then you can start seeing normal doctors, not that those idiots will know how to help you probably. if you want any changes to it call me and ill pencil you in to get it adjusted. get all that she asks. you nod. she says cool. she says itll be like $200, no rush if youre not able to pay right now. you say it might be a bit since youre still trying to pay interest on your student loan debt. wait, she says, they have student loans again? you nod. she says the world ended like thirty years ago, when did they set up student loans again? fuck, how much do you owe? you say a little under eighty thousand. she says jesus fuck, nevermind, its free. goddamn. you say thank you so much. she says yeah of course. do you want us to dress you or do you want to wait until you can move and do it yourself?

[aniqua]

error: v1r2ous | yandere!qimir x reader

✧content: 18+ mdni, y/n not used, everything that comes with yandere tendencies, a prequel to [f13nd] that can stand on its own

✧anon says: "im super curious to perhaps see flashbacks of reader and qimirs relationship before their death but whatever u choose to do w the plot im sure itll be great!!!💓"

✧note: anonie, my self-control is laughable. this originally was a couple of bullet points until it wasn't. I even foreshadowed it when I said, "I keep pretty much be convinced of a lot of things if it's in the form feedback."

✧word count: 1.4K

✧series masterlist

Qimir and you originally met when you entered his shop to buy something for an illness you were experiencing.

From his perspective, a pretty customer--wide-eyed, slightly frazzled, but sincere--comes in walking in like a blown-in dandelion, and his brain halts at a blank. All of his senses were taking you in except for sound. He was picking up on your scent, taking in your appearance, trying to taste your fragrance like a madman, all the while he couldn’t hear a thing coming out of your rosy lips.

There are no quippy jokes, clever back and forths, or sarcastic upselling. He just saw someone with shining eyes and an unintentional constant pout to their lips as they explained their problem and he was just staring.

Through what he heard when he finally checked back in, you chose to entrust him with your health because of what you heard through grapevines and gossip which led him to take on a deep sense of responsibility to get what he was making down to the right gram.

From your perspective, you didn’t expect the apothecary to be so breathtaking. You expected to meet the face of an age-old man who you’d have to convince to take your symptoms seriously. So when you had materialized at the first jingle of the door and you saw Qimir look up, you’d almost waited for his master to come walking out of a room. Even as you spoke, you sort of hoped it would still happen since his sharp features but kind eyes were too overwhelming for your sensitive self to stomach. If he was to be your saving grace, you feared that your timidness to his aura would have you killed before a progression in your condition did.

Through nervous small talk from you and shaking hands that only Qimir could feel, he works on something as you watch with a look that could only have him describe you as a rabbit. In the end, he fervently insists that you return for weekly refills since swore he could only make so much with the supplies that he had. This was untrue. But you were so dazzled by the way parts of his warm hand ghosted yours when he passed the medication that you didn’t even think twice about it.

By a few months, you both had established an unspoken comfort that resided between each of your meetings. 

You were expected to call ahead so that Qimir could ensure it was just him and you in the shop. Your appreciation for the gesture made you believe that he was entirely selfless but let Qimir tell it and it would be the most selfish thing he did once a week. The days would meander as he spent time forgetting faces until he’d get a call in which in that moment, the time ran like a jackrabbit. 

There was a night when you called so late that the sun had already set and he was already in bed. He picked it up without a second thought and felt his spine turn into water when he heard you on the other end profusely apologizing. The name of the game was reassurance and patience as he tried to keep you talking. He so effortlessly did it that you would almost believe him when he said he didn’t mind the call if you didn’t feel immense guilt.

Qimir spent the time listening to you ramble about the series of unfortunate events that had led you to break your medicine vials and lose your travel ticket. The way your weak voice spoke and the shaking in your cadence made it clear to anyone who cared--so Qimir--that you had just been crying. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you heard from the other end. He waited for you to come down from your panic while twistedly picturing how beautiful you must have looked when you cried. Red eyes, clinging lashes, and swollen lips flashed across his mind just for him to say “I know a guy who can get you a much sooner ticket and when you come here tomorrow I’ll make you more. Free of charge. How does that sound?”

Another good amount of back and forth was spent with you refusing his generosity until his persistent rejection of your rejection caved you. Sure, you felt unworthy of the offer but you also were terrible at resisting the way he sounded over the phone. 

It was in that moment that Qimir determined to make you his permanent problem. From his perspective, he couldn’t stay just your good friend, but he wanted you to see him as the lighthouse that you were a permanent resident of. He was transfixed on the image of you and him together.

Did Qimir actually know a guy? No, but he wasn’t going to find a guy since he knew how to be both hell and high water.

On another one of your later visits, you made some remarks about your uncomfortable trip to his store as his hair curtain his face while he worked. 

Qimir saw this as a rare window of opportunity to take advantage of the trust between the both of you.

“You know, long trips are taxing on the body,” he said as he was dicing a specific plant.

“How else do you expect me to get here?” you teased as you layed your head on the counter and watched him so focused. It was when you liked watching him most. 

This was now routine for the both of you. You would pretend like you weren’t watching the way his biceps flexed and his brows knitted together when he was focused. All the while, Qimir was trying to use every bit of his self-control not to drown in your fresh scent and the warmth that came from your close body. If he didn’t use every bit of the discipline he was taught, he would have devoured once for every time he looked up to find you desperately trying to look anywhere else out of shyness.

“You’d walk here if you just lived in the city,” he told you while peeking through his lashes.

You sighed as you waited for another lecture from him that he practically had memorized but it never came which surprised you. He was playing offensive this time.

“The city is expensive,” you said.

“Hm” he quirked a brow in acknowledgment as he kept dicing. Although he was calculating, he loved the way your voice sounded when you were passionate.

“And who knows if I’ll find somewhere to live on such short notice.”

“So stay here.” he dropped so casually as he went to grab something off of a high shelf.

“Huh?” That was new.

Qimir didn’t say anything until he came back. He made his way back to the counter and leaned over it. You felt so scattered as you watched his striking features get closer as you swallowed. He was intentionally playing dirty.

“Stay here and you can work in the shop in exchange.” When he shrug so nonchalantly, strands of his hair framed his face so well.

“Qi-Qimir,” you manage to get out. “You don’t want me here,” you joked trying to get out of his intense soul-eating eyes. However, he took your hands as you tried to lean back into the chair you were sitting in.

“What makes you say that?” You almost lost your breath at the way he lifted his brow.

“You really want to become roommates with a customer?” you said only half teasing.

The way his expression shifted like a cloud had gone over him. You wondered if you had said something wrong. With his thumb, he made circles in your hands as he straightened out the fabric of your shirt. He was still silent as you held your breath until he said, “Did you really think I’d empty out a store on a weekly basis for just some customer?” His voice was steady as he practically loomed over you from across the table.

You had no response to his words but you were getting hot in the face.

“I don’t even answer Osha’s calls in the middle night,” he laughed. The way that he went back to his light demeanor and the smile that eclipsed his eyes gave you enough whiplash to say stupidly vomit “alright” without any clue as to what you were signing up for.

leave a comment, send an ask, or reblog. i might write a whole fic because of it or maybe send a meme, but I always respond.

[lazarusrisingx]

Alright so this’ll be my first official one shot for this account yippee!! Im starting off with something fluffy cause ya boi hasn’t written fan fics in quite a while (yes i was a fan fic writer before but i wanted to start over cause i abandoned that account tee hee)

summary: A fluffy one shot where sylus teaches you to ride his motorcycle and you..kinda fail at it

also for one shots i think im gonna use MC instead of Y/n as the name? if yall want me to change it for the next one just lmk.

this story also diverges from the actual lore of LADS, its mentioned theyve already had some past ‘romantic’ moments tee hee.

triggers: mentions of scrapes and blood, no serious injuries, motorcycle incident without helmet, uhhhh there isnt really anything triggering so yeah! just pure fluff and scared sylus

might be a bit ooc sylus but im tryna stay true him, also excuse my bad spelling im gonna autocorrect everything but im writing on my phone so don’t judge.

okay lets get it peoples!!

————————————————————

It was a relatively nice day in the N109 zone. Crime seemed to hold itself for the crisp cool weather that decided to roll in over night. The sky was less murky grey than usual and a few patches of blue peeked through fluffy white clouds. The sun was near setting as MC and a certain silver haired man sat in his office.

“..you want to what?” Sylus asked, not looking away from a manila folder in his hands.

“I want you to show me to ride your motorcycle.” MC repeated.

The tick of the grandfather clock was the only sound that could be heard for a few moments. MC felt for a moment she might want to take back her recquest, but Sylus silently set down the folder he held and leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

He rubbed his eyes, and folded his arms, studying the girl without expression.

“If you do-“

“Your telling me the great wanderer huntress doesnt know how to ride a simple motorcycle?” Sylus interrupted. the edge of his lip quirked up in a slight smirk.

MC narrowed her eyes at him.

“Its not in the training for us to be taught to ride or drive.”

Sylus tilted his head, before speaking again.

“You mean you dont even know how to drive?” It sounded as if he was holding back a laugh.

“Will you teach me to ride or not! I can hire an instructor if you wont.” MC said, purposefully dodging the question of her driving skills.

She had thought about asking Sylus before, but lately the two of them hadnt had a single afternoon to do anything besides… questionably legal missions. It was so nice out that she thought itd be a shame to spend it in this dark and dreary office.

Sylus stood up without a word, dragging his coat off his chair and picking up the manila folder. He punched a code into one of his many safes and placed it inside for safe keeping, and went for the door.

“Are you coming? Or should i roll out a red carpet for you sweetie?”

MC stood up quickly, a smile sliding across her face as she followed him out of the room.

The two walked down the hall of his house quietly. She felt excited, and slightly nervous. Sylus didnt seem like the most compassionate teacher she couldve found. however spending money on an instructor was something she never intended to do in the first place.

Sylus glanced down at her as the two stopped by his room.

“you cant wear shorts, and I cant wear dress pants nor this shirt. Go get changed.” Sylus said as he opened the door.

MC gave him a questioning look as he opened the door for her, leaning against the wall waiting for her to enter.

“I dont have clothes here.” MC stated.

Sylus shook his head, his hand twitched and an invisible force pushed MC forward.

“I had the twins pick something up for you in case you needed to stay here for a while, itll be the third drawer from the bottom sweetie.”

the surprise on MC’s face mustve been obvious, because a quiet chuckle left Sylus.

“Dont look so surprised kitten, we work together enough that if you end up injured under my watch I’m not going to send you home to recover alone.”

“How do you even know my size in pants?” MC asked as she lifted out a pair of jeans. surprisingly they looked as if they would fit quite nicely.

Sylus leaned over her, his chest brushing over MC’s back. He was much warmer than she thought he might be, and the contact sent a slight spark of electric through her. He opened the top drawer of the dresser and produced a pair of black pants and a nice fitted black shirt for himself. MC glanced up to find Sylus peering down at her with a curious expression. Was that a smile she saw? If only for a split second. Sylus lingered against her for a few moments, pretending to look for soemthing else before taking a step back.

“I told them to look in the kids section.” He said.

MC turned to scold him, and found him unbuttoning his dress shirt, his silver hair dangled in front of his eyes as he looked down, the shirt parting just enough to expose a strong muscular chest, before MC promptly turned around her face turning bright red.

“Ill find a bathroom.” She said quietly.

“Straight ahead sweetie.”

She made a bee-line towards it, not looking back to see how Sylus’s eyes followed her, or the smirk on his face as he pulled his shirt off.

MC shut the door behind her, heart pounding in her ears. It was an odd reaction since she had seen him shirtless before. although it was different because this was unexpected.

She wiped the image from her mind and quickly got changed. Sadly, the pants fit her perfectly. MC was truly curious as to how Sylus or the twins figured out her size but it wasnt something she was ready to look into.

MC walked out from the bathroom, Sylus was dressed in all black his shirt was tight enough to show the outline of his abs, and make his arms look incredibly huge.

Sylus was finishing a message to someone on his phone. He glanced up at MC once before he finished the message.

“letting the twins know we will be out for a bit. I expect youd like to go to dinner after we are finished?” Sylus asked.

“mmm sure, I saw a hot po-“

“im picking where we eat. I dont feel like going to linkon tonight.” Sylus interrupted

He stood up and opened the door for the two, motioning for MC to walk out before him. She obliged, and the two walked in silence to his garage. Sitting in a parking spot was his usual black and red bike. The paint shiny from being newly washed, not a speck of rust nor dust decorated the expensive equipment.

“do you atleast know the basics of controls?” Sylus asked.

“theres the clutch, throttle and break. i know that much.” MC responded.

Sylus nodded, he pulled the kickstand up on the bike and began to slowly walk it towards the exit.

“Mine has some.. enhancements, so youll have to go easy on the gas. turning is fairly self explanatory. but as i said before take it very gentle. I dont want a scratch on this bike.”

MC nodded and followed behind him. She was getting nervous now, but she knew Sylus had a decent driveway that she would be able to drive around, that way she could avoid any extra cars or pedestrians. the few times she had driven a car, she had done fairly well, although went a little slower than the speed limit… by ten miles.

If anything, her only worry was annoying sylus with how careful she was!

The two walked out of the small garage and into the cool outside. wind rustled the small trees and birds chirped quietly around them.

“Get on here.”

Sylus held out his hand as he kept the bike steady. MC carefully got into the drivers seat and set her feet on the rests.

“put a foot on the ground so the bike can tilt when i let go.” Sylus said

“like this?”

MC put one foot on the ground, and Sylus let its weight rest on her. It was heavier than expected but nothing she couldnt handle. He took a step back and folded his arms.

“Turn the keys in the ignition, let it roll forward a bit so you know how itll feel.”

MC fumbled with the key for a moment and the engine roared to life. She smiled proudly, and looked to Sylus who was to focused on watching her slowly roll forward.

“Turn the gas a bit, and ride to the edge there, you dont need-“

MC thought she had pressed the gas lightly. she really did. Instead, the bike shot forward across the driveway, pointed not towards the grass, but the exit to the driveway. A scream escaped her as she pulled her foot onto the rests.

The wind ripples through her hair as she sped towards the entrance to the street, the handles wobbled in her hands, and within a second she was flung from the bike.

Metal screeched awfully on concrete as the bike was sent skidding towards her. Her body tumbled over the driveway, the rip of jeans and the feel of gravel driving into her arms didnt feel like much as she watched the bikes path heading straight for her.

MC threw up her hands, curling up expecting to be hit by the skidding motorcycle, but the impact never came.

The sound of heavy footsteps and muffled yelling made her open her eyes. Her vision was blurred, and her ears rang slightly. In front of her was a barrier of black and red smoke, instead of hitting her, the bike had been stopped not a second to soon.

“MC! For fucks sake!” Sylus yelled.

MC began to shake a bit, not from the pain in her arms and legs, nor the throbbing headache from hitting her head. She scrambled to her hands and knees. Sylus was running towards her, an unfamiliar expression on his face. His crimson eyes glowed brightly from using his evol.

“Sylus i-i didnt think itd be so sensitive!”

the barrier dissipated and MCs heart lept into her throat. the bikes previously shiny paint was nearly fully scraped clean, the seat had a few tears in it, the handles previously rubber grip was now worn down to the metal on one side. there was a bend in the rim of one of the wheels.

Tears filled MCs eyes as a mix of anxiety and fear pierced her heart. His bike was ruined! the one thing he had told her not to do was crash this, and less than a minute on it she had!

MC’s hands brushed over the ruined paint job, she barely noticed the blood dripping from her arm or down her hands, nor the pain of dirt being gritted into her badly scraped knees.

“What are you doing, what are you doing?” Sylus asked.

he had dropped to his knees beside her, grabbing a firm hold of both arms, that same unrecognizable expression written all over his face. his grip was firm, but MC didnt look away from the bike.

“Your bike! Sylus is swear i didnt mean to do that! I was gentle l-like you said I didnt think-“

“the bike? the fuck are you on about sweetie look at you!”

His voice was harsh and demanding. his eyes were still glowing crimson as MC finally looked at him. She was trembling badly. finally she noticed the blood now coating his hand and her arm. her lip was also split down the middle, and a cut on her cheek.

“I-ill pay for the bike Sy-“

“the bike? you think i give a fuck about the bike i have ten more just like it.”

He dragged the two of them to their feet.

“but you said-“

“your hurt.” Sylus said plainly.

His eyes scanned her wounds as if he was looking for something.

“Its nothing-“

“we are going back in.” Sylus stated.

in one swift motion he lifted MC off her feet, carrying her like a princess. MC was speechless as he stepped over the bike, walking quickly to get the two of them back into the house.

“You dont care about the bike?” MC asked.

Sylus glanced down at her.

“Why the fuck would i care about a damn object right now.”

MC paused for a moment, she stared up at his face, now noticing a thin layer of sweat over his forehead, his eyes darting back and forth and he looked… pale. was he scared? panicked?

the last thing MC expected from him was concern over a few scrapes and bruises. Well, maybe they werent scrapes. with each step her adrenaline wore off, and throbbing pain came over her entire body.

Sylus brought the two of them to his room, slamming the door open. The twins stood there together, talking back and forth.

“Boss- wait is she-“

“get out.” Sylus said gruffly.

“Boss are you alright? you look-“

“I told you both to get!” Sylus yelled.

The twins looked at the both of them for a moment, before scurrying out of the room.

“They could patch me up sylus you dont have to do this.” MC said quietly. he ignored her as he gingerly set her on the plush comforter.

“sylus the blood, i cant ruin more of your things.”

“why do you think i care about ‘things’ MC. sit down and wait for me. if you can get into your shorts put those on or im taking your jeans off myself.” Sylus said.

MC watched him enter the bathroom and rummage around. She didnt know what to think. of course her first thought was that he would be more concerned for his bike, he had seen her get hurt by wanderers before and hadnt seemed so… upset by it.

She found her shorts on the floor and slowly peeled the ripped jeans off herself and tugged on her shorts. her leg was definatley sore and bruises already began to blossom over her thigh. the concrete had rubbed away quite a bit of skin, blood dripped down her leg and onto the floor now.

without a word sylus came back in, his eyes had finally stopped glowing, and in his arms he held rolls of bandages antiseptics, tape, and cobain.

“i can do this myself Sylus.” MC said

“no.” Was all Sylus had to offer.

a wave of black and red smoke pushed MC back onto his bed. it wasnt as rough as usual, almost like a cushion pressing her into place.

Sylus knelt down in front of her. eyes narrowing as they scanned over her leg.

“shouldve been more careful.” Sylus mumbled.

“i know im sorry.” MC replied

“no, not you. I shouldve been more careful. that bike has enhancements on it, its to much for a beginner i didnt think about it.” He said.

MC grew quiet for a moment.

“well i wont die.” MC said, trying to lighten the mood.

Sylus didnt seem impressed. he hesitated his hands hovering over her leg before he grabbed a damp cloth and began wiping blood from her leg. His hands were calloused from boxing and fighting, but he was much gentler than MC expected.

“you wont die, but you still got hurt.” Sylus said after a moment.

he folded the cloth over itself and cleaned the edges of her wound. He gently brushed one of her scrapes, causing MC to grimace.

“sorry.” he mumbled quietly.

his free hand left the bed where it was planted, and gingerly took hold of hers.

“squeeze when it hurts, you wont harm me sweetie.” He said. His crimson eyes flicked to hers making a bolt of electric shoot through MC’s heart. she hesitated, before giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

sylus’ shoulders relaxed a bit after this. he picked up a new cloth, and doused it in antiseptic.

“it has lidocaine in it, but it might sting a bit.” Sylus said

Thankfully, he didnt try to clean the wound in sections. he paused for a moment and pressed the cloth firmly to her scrapes. MC grunted and squeezed his hand. When she looked back at him he was gently rubbing his thumb against the uninjured portion of her leg, looking at her with that oddly concerned expression.

“better?” he asked.

MC nodded her head letting out a breath. He lifted the cloth, now that the area was numb he was able to thoroughly clean the bits of dirt out. the process was repeated over the second patch of scrapes on her calf. Sylus slowly wrapped her leg in cobain and gauze, before sitting on the bed beside MC.

“are you alright sylus?” MC asked.

He had kept his usual snarky comments to himself the past few minutes and it was slightly worrying. Sylus turned his head to her and looked her up and down.

“you shouldve worn a helmet.” He said quietly

“well i wasnt intending to drive more than five feet.” MC replied.

a small smirk came across Sylus’ face.

“five feet? I thought youd have more confidence in yourself sweetie.” Sylus said.

MC laughed quietly and shook her head.

“my teacher didnt seem to have much confidence ‘ride to the grass’ i beileive you said.” MC replied.

Sylus quirked up an eyebrow.

“it seems i was right doesnt it?”

He gestured to her still injured arm, and held up a clean cloth.

“still got another spot to take care of sweetie.” He said.

MC groaned quietly, but turned so he would have a better angle for it. She looked away and waited for him to begin cleaning the wound. instead he leaned towards her, his hand slipping around to the back of her head and pulling her forward. MC nearly protested, but Sylus placed his hand on her back after resting her head to his chest.

She could hear his heart, beating extremely fast for someone so fit.

“just… a moment.” Sylus said quietly.

MC practically held her breath for a moment, before taking in air. his cologne smelled nice, a mix of fresh spices and expensive cigars. the muscles under her head her soft but firm. his arm resting around her body in a hug. Sylus was hugging her.

tentatively, MC put her good arm around him. it felt right, her anxiety and worry began to slowly melt away the longer they stayed like this. her eyes grew heavy, and she began to relax more and more against him. he was so solid, his chest rose and fell under her, slowing down after a moment or so.

“dont worry about the bike sweetie. really. im more concerned about the fact you were… injured.”

MC smiled slightly.

“The great leader of onychinus is concerned for me?” MC asked

a chuckle vibrated through Sylus’ chest. he almost sounded releived.

“more than youd know MC.” Sylus said quietly.

MC’s heart fluttered slightly. she closed her eyes as Sylus began to move again, his free hand found the back of her head, beginning to rub her hair gently as he pressed the cloth to the side of her arm. It wasnt long before the two had to seperate to allow sylus to wrap her arm.

“Why dont we order food tonight. I dont really feel like going out again.” MC said.

Sylus cleaned up the bloody cloths and nodded his head. he began to make his way towards the bedroom door.

“you pick the spot, ill pay.” Sylus said.

“absolutely not, i just trashed your bike-“

Sylus stood up and in a few strides crossed the room to stand in front of her, he leaned down and tilted her chin up to make MC look at him.

“how many times do i have to say that i dont care about the bike, just that you dont have a damn head injury?” He asked.

MC stared up at him for a moment, Sylus brought her face a little closer, speaking quietly now.

“I got you hurt today MC. The least i can do is pay for a damn meal.” He said.

MC couldnt help but look between his eyes and lips. was she insane to think about kissing him now? they were so close, and it wouldn’t be the first time one of them had made an attempt like that. Sylus scanned her face. did he just lean in more?

There was a knock at the door.

“Boss? we were just wondering if you needed us to get the bike out of the driveway.” One of the twins said.

Sylus looked dissapointed, and slightly annoyed. he released MC and turned away from her, going to the door and opening it.

“Ill come out and help you, one if you dispose of these. MC, you might want to change your shirt. Ill be in the living room when your done, sweetie.” Sylus said.

MC was left alone in his room. bright red blush creeped over her face as she slumped back on his bed. She was cursing herself slightly. Part of her was angry she even thought of kissing him, the other half was angry she didnt.

She flopped over onto her stomach groaning loudly before she sat up again.

Another uneventful night of eating in.

———————————————————

maybe ill make a smutty part 2 to this one? maybe not straight smut but some good steamy kisses and things like that idk.

uhhhhh yeah! i havent written in a little while so i dont know how good this is or isnt!

if yall have any ideas for other oneshots then just lmk. im currently working on the storyline for a yandere!sylus x reader fic so i might drop some teasers for that when i can.

in the meantime ill alternate between fluff and smut, i can do some sad stories to but they gotta have good endings cause i cant stand my mans to be sad like that.

also gonna work on some zayne material because i love my mans zayne just as much as sylus if not a bit more. i feel like he doesnt get enough love fr.

okay byyyyyee hopefully this was good.

please credit me if you share this story

[dear-ao3]

okay wait this makes me want to listen to MCR… what style of music is it?

omg omg omg

its rock but its been lumped into emo and poppunk a few times???? hard rock??? its definately rock tho and its fucking incredible. it really depends on what album you listen to for which genre

listen to every album in order though. or u will not have the Correct Experience.

if ur less into like. screaming and more into like pop esque sounds, danger days is good

if u wanna really get the full experience, start at bullets and end at foundations of decay

if itll help; heres my favorite albums in order, tho i love em all

1) three cheers for sweet revenge: this is all about anger and dealing with it and stuff. its a lot more intense (thats my opinion tho) its incredible. my favorite songs off it are: to the end, thank you for the venom, hang em high, and also the entire album. not a bad song on the album. no skips here.

2) black parade. the story and concept behind it is really great. this was my first album i listened to of them, so its high up here for sentimental reasons. no skip album. i love famous last words, disenchanted,and dead. LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM IN ORDER.

3. conventional weapons: not technically just one album?? idk how to explain it, but every song fucks immensely. the light behind your eyes is probably my favorite song by mcr. do not listen to this song in public you will cry.

4. i brought you my bullets.....etc: fantastic album. no skip album. my older brother learned the first song on the album (romance) on guitar bc i bullied him into it. truly a fantastic album. i love vampires will never hurt you and demolition lovers. definately more "screamy" tho, so if u dont like that, dont start w bullets

5. danger days. i fucking love danger days. its based around a really cool concept (look into it. or else). its such a good album. its a lot peppier than the others but also itll hurt u in ways u cannot imagine. i fucking love party poison and planatary go. sing changed something in me. again. no skip album

listen to desolation row.

this list was hard to make, so honestly: listen to all of them in chronological order.

i love every album and every album is no skip.

yall feel free to put ur thoughts in here!

[seeminglydark]

good news! i finally got a job after being unemployed for a few years. it’ll be at least a year or two before i’m able to move out due to trying to pay off my credit card debt but i’m excited that i’ll be able to leave town and get away from unsupportive family. i’m trying to spend as little money as possible on entertainment stuff and i have a massive book collection that i’m excited to read and sell some of it i don’t feel like i need them anymore. you’re comics have been very helpful for me to be able to understand and express myself. it has given me a lot of joy since finding it especially after the loss of my cat a month ago.

any tips for a queer punk trying to escape and start over with no support system?

happy pride month! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

ANON! I'm so proud of you, thats incredible! i am wishing you all the best on your journey forward and out. it sounds to me like you already have a good handle on things, paying down your debt is a great place to start. depending on how much debt you have, (most of my advice is US based I'm afraid, since thats where i grew up as a poor lonely punk so hopefully it can help you, or someone else) you may be able to find a financial counselor or coach, (not adviser!) to help you get rid of some of it immediately. there are ways to 'challenge' things on your credit that have been there for a while, and many times the creditors will either drop it cuz they dont want to deal with paperwork, or reduce it to a much smaller payable sum because to them something is better than nothing. a lot of cities has free nonprofit programs to help with this, and other non profit organizations offer them as well depending on your community. This will also help improve and build your credit score cuz even a punk might need to buy a home or rent an apartment one day.

i know there is an allure to big name cities when you move, i lived in one myself while poor as dirt and it kinda sucked (Austin tx specifically) because it was so expensive. look into where you want to go before moving there, look at cost of living, and public transit, things like that. it looks like youre waiting a while before going, look into job transfers so you might not have to start completely fresh from the bottom.

thrift stores are great but they are getting more expensive by the year, but when youre a poor guy in a new place, dumpster diving might be an option. please dont ever get a mattress from a dumpster ok? bedbugs are a thing and often why those are thrown out, but other things like tables, chairs, shelves etc. check your local papers and neighborhood boards, sometimes hotels and such renovate and when they do they auction furniture off dirt cheap. Thanks Mr Marriott for furnishing my house for like 40 bucks in 2005!

When you move out, if you are still struggling financially, you can look into fixed rent apartments, you usually have to get on a list, but there are places out there to help you get on your feet. a REALLY good resource for many things if going to be your local library. librarians are like gods and they know SO MUCH that can help you.

speaking of libraries. you do deserve a little joy, i would think about perhaps getting a electronic reader, did you know that you can rent books and audio books from libraries with one? plus it reduces the bulk of books you may have to move later. i know the vibe is different from getting to touch the pages, but the pleasure of reading is still there. The library is also going to be a great place to meet people and find a circle of support and new friends. many of them have clubs and community activities ranging from book clubs to everything in between, you can even suggest a club yourself that they might consider hosting. don't deprive yourself of happiness, itll be helpful on the days when it gets hard to move forward.

its been a hot minute since i was alone and starting over, and things have changed a lot so im not completely sure all of this is still relevant, library is ALWAYS a good place to start. if my followers have any advice, please feel free to chime in the comments as well! im so proud of you anon, and keep us updated as life goes on. <3

[merlintheactor]

Yeah okay so I scrolled through the alexithmyia tag and I don’t think it has this in any recent posts. I tend to be very dynamic while explaining stuff, so I’ll try and add that to the list

So, my aspiring students, what is this thing that you’ve probably never heard of, and why am I telling you about it?

Well, first let’s explain what it is. In the broadest possible sense, alexithmyia is basically a null condition. (Such as asexual, agender, aromantic) What I mean is it’s something describing the lack of something, which in this case is emotion. Alexithmyia is the inability to describe emotions or in some cases, not even feel them properly.

Have you ever experienced things like burning rage, or butterflies in your stomach, or the coiled rope of guilt deep in your stomach, or panic in your throat?

Alexithmeics (?) don’t have that. Or some do, it’s complicated. We’ll get to it.

I’m not a professional, this is all just my (and others) lived experience but I’ve seen the condition broken down into two categories, cognitive & affective. I saw this first on the reddit community for alexithmyia but I like it so I’m yoinking it.

Mu main source for this is an article by Zoe Blade (http://notebook.zoeblade.com/Alexithymia.html). It has sources, and is generally a better breakdown than what I’m going to do. Please check it out, it’s very good.

I’m writing my own thing on tumblr because most people won’t find it on reddit, don’t use it, or just won’t click a link on a random post. Itll probably sound very similar.

Cognitive alexithmyia is basically the original definition , where people with it have a great deal of difficulty describing their emotions. Sometimes it takes time to study the emotion, or sometimes you find out what the emotion was days later. This one isn’t really my lived in experience, but I have felt it occasionally.

Affective alexithmyia is the second definition, which I am a part of (yay!). It’s the inability to feel emotions on a visceral level. The way I’ve described it before is that metaphors about emotions don’t apply to me. I have never felt burning rage, I have never felt my stomach have butterflies, only once have I felt proper guilt.

This is mainly gonna focus on the second, because it’s the one I have.

Affective alexithmyia is complicated, as is anything that describes a null. I’m going to break it down into questions. So, in my best attempt to break it down, let’s begin.

How do you experience things like emotions, then? Are you unfeeling?

Yes and no. Affective alexithmyia means you can’t really feel things on a conscious level. As said before,the whole metaphor things about emotions don’t hit me. They’re just words. I usually have to infer how I feel from my body; if I listening to music, which I do enjoy, I can feel like bopping to the music, tapping my foot to the beat, stuff like that. From that, I can infer I’m enjoying it. If I’m very snappish and rude and it’s around six pm, I can usually tell it’s because I’m either overwhelmed from work, or I haven’t ate. If I read a hateful message, or a sad one, I can simply ignore it. I don’t feel angry. I can look forward to deleting the message, but I don’t get any emotion from it itself.

This is all to say that I’m not unfeeling, usually. I can express emotions, but they don’t come out the same way as everyone else, nor am I usually aware of them. Sometimes, I can just not feel emotions. I went to my mother’s funeral, and didn’t shed a single tear, not really feel the loss. This is to say it really depends. Sometimes my emotions don’t manifest, sometimes they do. The overarching point is that alexithmiacs with the affective side of things experience things almost fundamentally different to most people.

I am basically incapable of holding a grudge. What little emotion I do feel fades quickly, like a summer storm. I can’t be angry at someone for more than like an hour, most.

Why does this matter? How does it affect things?

Well, having the condition of alexithymia can cause a hell of a lot of social problems, especially as it’s usually paired with things like autism. People don’t generally like unemotive people. They’re hard to read and understand which can lead to a harder social life, harder times relating to people, hell even parenting. I haven’t conducted any research, obviously, but there’s a chance not having a broad social life might not really matter to people with alexithmyia. It doesn’t to me, anyway.

It can also lead to internal problems, physical or emotional. Because your signals aren’t properly getting to your brain, you can have issues with feeling hunger or thirst, bowels or bladder. You’ll probably still feel the signals, but only when your body is screaming at you. I wouldn’t say this is a uniquely alexithmyia related issue as, like I said, it’s comorbid with a lot of neurodivergent conditions. This could be due to ADHD, or autism, etc. it also leads to motivational problems, at least for me. I can’t feel invested in things easily. I’m always aware that I’m reading a book, playing a game, and when it comes to being creative, it’s hard to put my pen to paper.

On an emotional level, like I said, it can cause social problems. I personally don’t experience things like most people. It can make me seem cold and unfeeling. It can also lead to a lot of questioning and mental problems, because I mean. You’re fundamentally different to your peers. That will screw you up. It’s why alexithmyia needs more study and needs to be better known.

Things like raising kids and having partners is also pretty hard, from what I’ve seen. How does one understand a kid’s emotions when you don’t experience any? Some links for parenting are here, here and here. Partner links are here, here and here.

It also matters because I, god mage of everything, decided it does. Can’t refute that, now can you!

How does one get alexithmyia? When does it affect you?

My understanding is it’s broadly a genetic thing. I have it, my dad has it. It can also apparently be caused by trauma, repressing of emotions.

Does it manifest in kids? No idea. I was a fairly bubbly kid, apparently, but that changed as I started to approach teenage hood. I assume it has something to do with signals being too weak to reach the body, similar to depression with serotonin and adhd, but I have no clue. I haven’t done detailed research.

How does this affect creativity? Are you all maths people?

No. Much like anyone else, we have a variety of jobs and desires. There are actors with alexithmyia, writers, scientists etc. no one is bound to one job because of their conditions. I am bad at maths, I like writing and acting. I know another who doesn’t really read or watch things too often but loves maths and wants to do farming.

People are unique, no matter what.

Who’s got alexithmyia in media?

Far as I’m aware? No one. No characters have my condition. I assume it’s due to a few factors.

One, this is very unknown. You can’t write something you’ve never heard about, at least not intentionally.

Two, it’s extremely difficult to write someone with an inability to feel emotions. Characters are often emotionally different. Can you imagine FitzChivalry without his rage and emotion, or Kaladin without his deep sense of honour, drive for change and depression?

I hope to one day write a story with an alexithmyic character, but it’s a long way off.

Conclusion

Alright, finished! If you have questions, send me an ask or something. I’ll try and answer.

Please note a lot of these links, all of them except for Zoe’s, are anecdotal. There are a few science links within the subreddit itself, and Zoe has a lot of sources for her stuff. I’m not going to do a research kind of post until I have a firm grasp of said research. This is merely my experience, and people who exist on reddit because that’s the only place I’ve found an alexithmyia community.

I’m also interested in hearing from creatives about this stuff, and how it affects your work. God knows it affects mine.

[jupejumble]

you wanna hear me talk about my favorite live action movie? of course you do here we go (0 notes)

just a quick nope infodump cuz i have nowhere else to dump my thought about this movie -- i put it under the cut cuz i know some people dont like horror or scary stuff, and some people are planning on watching it and dont want spoilers :]

first this is my thing of how i finally got to watching nope, it can be skipped, the actual infodump starts at the pink text

ok so first of all, nope had caught my attention when i first saw some trailers for it,, then i forgot about it until i saw some fanart for the gordy scene, and i thought it looked so good. so i looked in the comments and people kept talking about that scene. me, being curious, looked up the scene on youtube. and it scared me so bad.

later in the year (2022) i went to universal studios in a family trip. i really enjoyed it but the one part that was my favorite was the studio tour, i love animation and film and cinematography so it was right up my alley. but at the very end of the tour, we went to the new exhibition of it. Jupiter's Claim.

the very same jupiter's claim from the movie (not really just a recreation). they did a whole thing with the aliens and it freaked me out. very fun but i did not expect it so it was alarming to see a set piece from a movie i had little knowledge on and was scared of.

so i did what i usually do to keep my nerves down, started researching it. watching trailers, actor interviews, cinematography etc.

i wanted to see what the movie was about, so i looked it up and read the plot on wikipedia, it did get me less scared of it, but it also really peaked my interest.

when the synapsis described jean jacket's final form, i hadnt imagined it was so big. in my head i thought it was smaller than a person and that it looked like a jellyfish. i was only half right. then once again, i forgot about the movie entirely.

until almost a year later. when i saw a "everything great about" video on nope. i thought, well they usually cut up the movie, and talk through it, so itll basically be like watching the movie.

it was really interesting, so i decided to watch it. now onto my infodump thing im mostly going to be talking about the themes and stuff

HERES THE MOVIE PLOT WHICH I JUST PULLED FROM WIKIPEDIA CUZ I DONT WANT TO WRITE THE ENTIRE THING -- you can skip this if youve watched tho movie, or just skip it if you want idc

[In Agua Dulce, California, the Haywood family trains and handles horses for film productions. One day at the Haywood ranch, small metallic objects violently fall from the sky. One of these objects, a nickel, ends up killing Otis Haywood Sr.

Six months later, his children, Emerald "Em" Haywood and a depressed Otis "OJ" Haywood Jr., are fired from a set after their horse, Lucky, reacts violently to its own reflection in a chrome ball utilized for visual effects. To raise money, OJ has been selling some of the Haywood horses to Ricky "Jupe" Park, who operates a Western theme park called Jupiter's Claim. Jupe exploits his past traumatic experience as a child actor on the set of a family sitcom that costarred a chimpanzee named Gordy. During filming of an episode, Gordy reacted violently to the sound of popping balloons and attacked at least two of his human co-stars, but ultimately left Jupe completely unharmed, before being fatally shot by police.

One night, the Haywoods notice their electricity fluctuating and their horses violently reacting to an unknown presence. They discover an unidentified flying object (UFO) that has been taking their horses and spitting out the inorganic matter, which OJ concludes to have caused their father's death. The siblings decide to document and sell evidence of the UFO's existence, and recruit electronics store employee Angel Torres to set up surveillance cameras. The UFO arrives and abducts a horse as well as a plastic horse Em stole from Jupiter's Claim for use as a decoy.

The next day, Em attempts to recruit famed cinematographer Antlers Holst to help them record the UFO. Holst declines, telling Em that chasing wealth and fame is a "dream you will never wake up from." Angel then arrives and reveals that a cloud in the valley never moves; OJ suspects this is the UFO's hiding place before theorizing, based on the UFO's flight patterns, that it isn't a ship at all.

Jupe introduces a live show in Jupiter's Claim where he plans to use Lucky as bait to lure out the UFO. For months Jupe has been offering the UFO the Haywood's horses for shows. The UFO arrives earlier than expected and devours Jupe and everyone in attendance for the show (including his family and staff), ultimately leaving only Lucky alive. OJ, attempting to retrieve Lucky, confirms his theory that the UFO is actually a territorial, predatory organism. After the creature showers the Haywood household with the detritus and regurgitated remains of the Jupiter’s Claim crowd, OJ realizes that it only attacks those who look directly at it. He devises a plan to record it. Em and Angel are hesitant until Em receives a call from Holst, who now agrees to help. OJ names the organism "Jean Jacket", after a horse that Em as a child was promised to train.

To circumvent Jean Jacket's effect of shutting down all electronics nearby, Holst brings a hand-cranked IMAX film camera. The group plans to bait Jean Jacket with a field of electrically-powered tube man props to deduce its location in the sky. However, a TMZ paparazzo trespasses onto the field and is thrown from his electric motorcycle when it shuts down near Jean Jacket, which devours him. Though Holst captures footage of Jean Jacket, his obsession with "the impossible shot" results in him being devoured alongside his camera, forcing the remaining three to flee. Angel survives an attack from Jean Jacket by being wrapped in a tarp and barbed wire, causing the creature to unfurl into a new, larger form.

OJ intentionally looks directly at Jean Jacket, allowing Em to use the motorcycle to rush to Jupiter's Claim. There, she untethers the park's large helium balloon mascot of Jupe, the large eyes of which attract Jean Jacket's ire. Jean Jacket attempts to feed on the balloon while Em uses an attraction's analog camera to photograph Jean Jacket as it feeds. Its attempt to eat the perceived threat results in the balloon exploding, destroying Jean Jacket. With the picture as proof of the creature's existence and reporters arriving nearby, Em sees an unharmed OJ and Lucky standing outside of Jupiter's Claim.]

WOOO NOW ONTO MY THOUGHTS ON THE MOVIE

we know that 6 months before the events of the movie, oj and em's dad was killed from a nickel that came from the sky and hit him in the eye and went into his brain. in the beginning of that scene we hear a radio news broadcast about some missing hikers. SINCE LATER WE FIND OUT THAT JEAN JACKET SHOOTS OUT THE METAL THINGS HE CANT EAT THAT COIN HAD COME FROM THE HIKERS

ohoho jupe, he's such a well written character. he is so complex. he was traumatized as a child with the gordy incident. he was the only cast member (as far as we know) to come out completely unscathed,,, physically. ----- when oj is trying to set up a path of buying the horses back, jupe says "yeah yeah we can do that" (HE IS A LIAR). and while oj is talking to jupe about that, em interrupts asking about the gordy incident. -- JUPE'S REACTION IS SO INTERESTING, HE TAKES THEM INTO A ROOM WHICH IS DEDICATED TO THIS INCIDENT BUT HE DOESNT ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT THE INCIDENT, INSTEAD HE TALKS ABOUT THE SNL SKETCH!!! HE HAS TURNED HIS TRAUMA INTO ENTERTAINMENT!!! the way i saw it is that he subconciously thinks that entertainment is a purpose, and if he can turn that incident into something that can be consumed by others then what happened wasnt for nothing. what he went through wasnt just a pitiful event in his life. it was something to be consumed. it was a spectacle.

JUPE BELIEVED HE WAS SOME KIND OF CHOSEN ONE, first gordy didnt harm him (which was because of the tablecloth not their so called connection) SO HE THOUGHT HE ALSO HAD A CONNECTION WITH JEAN JACKET

in the opening scene we see the first assembly of photographs to create a motion picture, the jockey riding the horse is oj and em's great great great grandfather, AND IN COMPOSITION OF THE CLOSING SCENE, OJ IS FRAMED LIKE IT

aaauughh i just love that jean jacket was named after the horse that em was supposed to train, cuz it ended up being her who conquered and killed the alien in the end

I LOVE THAT ANGEL WAS JUST SOME RANDOM STORE EMPLOYEE WHO JUST DECIDED TO BE PART OF THE GANG, LIKE HE DIDNT KNOW THEM BEFOREHAND AND JUST DECIDED TO JOIN THEM ON THEIR SILLY LITTLE ADVENTURE

i feel like holst was a counterpart to jupe, cuz while jupe wanted to exploit jean jacket for money and clout, holst wanted to exploit jean jacket for his art,, and clout,,,, so they were both selfish but it does show that even when you dont exploit or take advantage something for money and just do it for art ITS STILL EXPLOITING

THE THING WITH THE TMZ GUY OUGH I LOVED THAT SCENE. OJ JUST TRIED TO HELP BUT THAT GUY WAS JUST FOCUSED ON GETTING THE CAMERA, AND THEN OJ'S EYES REFLECTED WHICH CAUSED JEAN JACKET TO NOTICE THEM OUUGHHHH

i love how jean jackets forms differentiate for the circumstances, when she's just the disk its just chillin, just feeding and leaving, but once all the stuff happens against it it starts to get more aggressive. so like most animals he makes themself appear bigger, making for a really good shots in the movie

THE PARALLELS BETWEEN GORDY AND JEAN JACKET ARE ALSO INTERESTING, BECAUSE JEAN JACKET ISNT THE VILLAIN, JUST THE ANTAGONIST,, JEAN JACKET IS AN ANIMAL WHO IS JUST EATING, GOING THROUGH THE NATURAL MOTIONS THAT COME WITH BEING ALIVE. AND SO WAS GORDY, GORDY WAS JUST REACTING TO THE SCARE THAT THE BALLOONS POPPING GAVE HIM

I NEED SOME AFTERMATH CONTENT NOWWW, LIKE WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE NEWS STATION? DID THEY CLEAN THE HOUSE? HOW DID EVERYONE COPE??? DID THEY GET THE FAME THEY WANTED!?? I NEED TO KNOW

ok ok so jupes made up aliens? the viewers? THEIR DESIGNS ARE ALSO ROOTED IN HIS TRAUMA,, THE HEADS LOOK LIKE THE CAMERAS USED IN THE FILMING OF THE SITCOM AND THE BODIES RESEMBLE THOSE OF A MONKEY

i would put a picture of gordy on here but it has blood and dont wanna have that here,,, so uhhh if you wanna see him just look up gordy nope

and now some shorter things i really liked

the day for night filming IS SO GOOD

the themes about spectacles and human nature

oj and em's relationship (the siblings ever)

JUPE'S WHOLE DEAL

LIKE HOLY CRAP HE LEAD ALL THOSE PEOPLE TO THEIR DEATH!???

the cinematography is just mmm chef's kiss

all the characters are just so genuine

,, yeah these are obviously not all my thoughts on this movie cuz i think about this movie a LOT,, but i didnt want to overload this thing

[dogpixie]

im feeling soo much less stressed these last few days thank god.. things are obviously still pretty chaotic but it feels like my crazy hormones have started to settle. the worst thing now thats making me pretty sad is pory isnt great w the baby... shes not trustworthy. she'll b cool most of th time but u can tell shes nervous and confused n a few times now when cass made a rly strange sound or moved weird she got upset and rly reactive barky at him. and i figure itll only get worse b4 it gets better, like looking back shes known and been good w lots of kids but has no exp w babies/toddlers so im sure when hes actually moving across the floor shes gona b so freaked. she def doesnt see him as human. but i made an apt w a legit dog behaviorist (expensive.....), she has no bite history and thank god i live w my parents and she loves them bc shes been able to spend lots of time w them instead and itll most likely stay tht way for a few years :( gona be strict w her, not let her near him and hammer out the training. also final thing thats driving me nuts is how i cant exercise or have sex for another 4 weeks like what is this hell. the 2 biggest things thtd settle my nerves.....

[donnetellotheturtle]

Chapter 1

Secrets revealed.

Varian rubbed his arms nervously. His new creation was almost complete. Save for testing. That was always where it went wrong. This current machine was to play music from a spinning disc. At least he knew the worst-case scenario was it simply didn’t work. Not that it would blow up in his face.

Hopefully.

But to his joy and relief, it worked. The little pin read the disc and sent the music through the horn. He grinned widely.

“Varian?”

He turned at the door to his workshop opening. Standing there was now queen Rapunzel. Her hair had grown out, ending just below her shoulders. She smiled. “There you are…” She trailed off, hearing the music. “Wow…is this your new invention?”

“Uh yeah. It needs a few tweaks but-”

“Are you kidding this is amazing!”

Varian smiled and hugged Rapunzel. She hugged back tight, then pulled away. “So, your nineteenth birthday party is tomorrow. I just needed your go-aheads on a couple of things.”

The two ran down the list. His nineteenth birthday party was going to be huge. Outside, the whole kingdom would be celebrating, but inside the royal ballroom, it would be him, Rapunzel, Eugene, Lance, the former king and queen, his dad and the other members of the order, Red, and Angry, both of whom had real names, but everyone still called them Angry and Red. He wished Cassandra could be there, but she was still gone on some adventure. Had been for years now. The letters never stopped though.

“I cant wait. Oh this is going to be the best party of the year!”

Varian chuckled. “You said that about Eugene’s birthday party a couple months ago.”

“Yes but this will be too!” She grinned. “Ooh why don’t you use your music machine tomorrow? Itll be great to unveil it at the party!”

Varian nodded softly. “Sounds good.”

Rapunzel smiled and nodded. “Ill let you get back to your work but before that I have something for you. Wait here.” She turned and went to the door. Varian waited with a small, confused frown.

A minute later, she came back in with a box, wrapped in blue wrapping paper.

“Rapunzel, shouldn’t you wait until tomorrow?”

“Actually, this is from King Edmund. He said that its traditional in the moon kingdom for boys turning 19 to receive this the day before their birthday. And you were born there so, he thought it was appropriate.”

He blinked, then smiled and unwrapped it. As he did, he saw a compass, beautifully crafted. He opened it up, and inside, indeed the signs for all the directions, there was small painting of him, his father and…his mom. He stared at it.

“How did he…”

“Do you like it?”

“My mother…how did he know what she looked like?”

Rapunzel looked at the compass, then closer at the picture, frowning. “That’s her?”

“Mhm.”

“Shes beautiful…maybe Edmund knew her. He’ll be here tomorrow so you can ask.”

Varian nodded with a small smile. “My dad probably knows too. I can ask him!”

“Yeah. Ill let you get to it. Lots to plan!” She winked and walked out, heading over to Maximus and riding off without another word.

Varian chuckled, then looked at the picture again.

Inside the house, Quirin was sitting drinking some freshly brewed tea as Varian came in. “Hey dad?”

“Hey. I thought you were going to be in your workshop all day?”

“Well, I was going to be until Rapunzel dropped off this.” He handed the compass over to his father, who stared at it for a moment. “Where did she…”

“Said King Edmund dropped it off. Some sort of tradition. Did he know her?”

“Sit.”

Varian nodded and sat in the seat across from him. “As you know I was part of the brotherhood. Your mother, Ulla, was the royal alchemist.”

“Just like me!”

Quran nodded with a small smile. “Her and work partner made so many amazing things before the black rocks came…” He stood, went to the fireplace, then pressed a compartment on the wall. It opened up and from it, he pulled a green book. “This belonged to her…I wasn’t sure when I should give to you but…now seems like a good time.”

Varian took it and his father sat back down. The room was quiet for a moment as Varian looked at the cover. “the seven trials?”

“It was what your mother and her partner were working on.”

Varian opened it. It detailed seven trials corresponding with each surrounding kingdom including their own. Corona: Sun kingdom, Elio: Fire Kingdom, Dion: Water kingdom, Malik: Earth kingdom, Thora: Air kingdom, Estelle, Star kingdom, And The Dark Kingdom: the moon kingdom. All leading up to the eternal library, where all knowledge was kept.

“….why… why would you hide this from me?”

Quirin chuckled. “you think that I didn’t know that as soon as I did, you’d go searching?”

Varian paused. The thought had already crosses his mind as soon as he finished reading. He looked down.

“But, you’re a grown man now. You can make your own choices…I just want you to know the dangers.”

“Dangers?”

“Your mother disappeared looking for that place. I don’t know what happened to her. I can’t bear to loose you in the same way.”

Varian looked at his father. He looked so sad.

“I wont go.”

Quirin chuckled. “You will…and I won’t stop you.” He put his hands on his sons shoulders. “it’s time you have your own adventure.”

Varian smiled lightly, then looked at The book. “but…I don’t have to leave right away. I can start here! Get some information, you know… I don’t have to say goodbye just yet.”

Quirin nodded. “Yeah…I’ll help you start searching in the morning. You should get some rest. You have a busy day tomorrow.”

Varian nodded, holding the book and the picture close to his chest as he ran upstairs.

Quirin sighed softly to himself, and looked out at the fire. “Gods…guide my son. Keep him safe where I can’t protect him.”

~

Hugo sat in his tent, half asleep, when Cyrus came in. “Donella wants to see you.”

He groaned, but stood up, heading over to Donellas tent which was lit with laterns, and adorned with maps and books on the outside. He entered the tent.

“Ma’am?”

“Hugo.” She turned. “I have a job for you.” She handed a flyer to him. A birthday party for the royal alchemist. Hugo raised an eyebrow.

“…This is some random guy.”

She rolled her eyes. “This.” She pointed to the picture. “is the son of Ulla. You watch him, make sure he knows nothing about what we’re trying to do. Understood?”

“Yes but…why does it have to be me?” Hugo almost whined.

A side eye from Donella made Hugo wince. “O-Okay. I’ll go….just don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

She huffed and turned away. “If on the off chance he does know about Ulla’s book, find where it is. Take it. And bring it back to me.”

~

When the morning came, Varian was up early. He had to pack for his trip after all, and get started on searching for the totem before his party at midday. He hummed softly as Ruddinger jumped up on his shoulders.

“hey buddy.” He gave the raccoon a little head scratch. “Today’s the day.”

He finished packing and smiled, heading downstairs. His dad was already up, humming as he made breakfast.

“Dad!”

Quirin smiled at him. “Varian! I’m just making some birthday breakfast! You hungry?”

Varian nodded and sat at the table as his dad served his favorites. Bacon, eggs sunny side up, and some French toast. Quirin ruffled his sons hair before continuing cooking.

“I was going to start with Xavier to get some information on the relics.” Varian said, stuffing his mouth.

“That’s a great idea. You could also ask Ariana and Fredrick. They might have some books.”

“That’s a great idea! Thanks dad!”

“after your party, I want you to come here and pack okay?”

“Yeah dad.”

“And don’t forget your camping supplies.”

“I know dad.”

“And your alchemy supplies. You’ll need them.”

“dad.���

“Oh and yo-“

“dad!”

Quirin paused, looking at his son who was smiling. “Heh, just…be safe.”

“I will, dad. Promise.”

The two headed out to the kingdom proper not long after. The whole city was bustling with excitement. Kids kept pointing at him. Truthfully, Varian didn’t love the attention.

“I’m going to find Xavier before we meet everyone.”

Quirin nodded. “I’ll meet you inside.”

It was a quick walk to Xaviers smithery. As always it was full of soot and heat. He could hear Xavier humming a tune to himself.

“Xavier?”

“Well if it isnt the man himself?” Xavier grinned, coming out to see Varian. “your right on time. I just finished your birthday gift.”

“you should save it for the party.” Varian grinned.

“Yes, yes. But you seem to have a question.”

Varian reached into his bag, and pulled out his mothers book. “…Do you know anything about the seven trials?”

Xavier seemed a bit surprised, but nodded. “Yes. How do you know about them?”

“This was my mothers.” He pushed the book to the blacksmith who gently fingered through the pages, then nodded.

“So you intend to complete her work.”

“Yeah. I…I just need to know where to start.”

Xavier nodded. “Alright. The seven trials, created by the keepers of the eternal library and aided by Demanitus…each totem has a scientific puzzle to access them…but be aware, young man. These trials are dangerous and cannot be faced alone.”

“but the eternal library…it’s real?”

“In a sense, yes. It isn’t for the faint of soul. Legends say it will suck you in and keep you forever if it wills it.”

Varian wondered if that’s what happened to his mom.

“Very few have completed the trial. Even less have come back to tell the story. So be careful, Varian. Or you could be facing the end of your life.”

Varian nodded. “thank you, Xavier.”

As Varian walked out he felt as if he was being watched. He looked around, seeing no one looking at him. He frowned, sitting with the information that he could be going in to get himself killed.

Then he thought to himself. If he could find the library, he could find his mom. He could save her. Maybe, just maybe, he could do it. He’d have to be the smartest and most cunning he’d ever been. So he steeled himself.

He'd have to be ready for anything.

He headed into the party, seeing everyone made his heart soar. He came up to Adira. Over the years she’d softened just a bit to Varian. Now she was the only one who was allowed to touch her. But only for very limited amounts of time and always with a warning. She was who he saw first, along with Edmund, and his dad.

“hey guys.” He opened his arms to hug Adira, who accepted with a very quick squeeze.

“hey kid. You dad says you’re going to go on a trip.” She said, smiling.

“Uh, yeah…I’m going to complete my moms work.”

“Any chance you’d let me come with you? It would be good to have a body guard.”

Varian chuckled. “Thanks but…this is something I have to do by myself.”

“A boys first quest.” Edmund said. “That should be cherished.”

“Yeah…Dad said you knew my mom?”

“Yes…why I don’t tell you over dinner when you make it to my kingdom? Do you think you can wait that long?”

Varian thought it over, then nodded. “yeah…yeah I can.”

“good! I can’t wait!”

Varian chuckled, then walked further into the ballroom where everyone else was waiting. Rapunzel smiled and waved. “Varian!” She came forward with a grin, pulling him into a tight hug. “Your dad just told me you’re leaving!”

“Uh, yeah…I um-“

Rapunzel looked sad but excited for him. “Where are you going?”

“All the kingdoms. I’m on a quest, as Edmund put it.”

“really?” Eugene came up from the side, wrapping an arm around his wife. “I didn’t take you as the questing type.”

Varian blushed.

“Oh leave him alone!” Rapunzel chided.

Varian chuckled softly. “I’m planning on leaving tomorrow morning. I just wanted to stay for the party so I could say goodbye.”

Rapunzel sighed softly, then pulled Varian into an embrace. “Promise you’ll come home, Varian?”

He returned the hug. “…I promise.”

The party went off without a hitch. He ate his favorite cake, got some amazing presents which he could take on the road with him, and he said goodbye to everyone.

Late that night, Quirin and him reached the entrance to their home.

“Before you leave tomorrow…I want you to have Prometheus. He’ll be a good traveling companion for you on the road.”

Prometheus was their donkey. One who they’ve had since he could remember.

“…Don’t you need him?”

“Don’t worry about me. You’ll be better off with him. And I know you’ll take good care of him.”

Varian hugged his father again, tightly. “Thanks dad”

The morning came early and Varian ran and grabbed everything, rushing out. Only to find his dad beat him to it.

In the light of the rising sun, he saw his dad hitching up a caravan to Prometheus.

“Woah…” Varian mumbled.

Quirin looked to him and smiled. “I thought this would be useful.”

“wow dad! Thanks! This is amazing!”

He ran and hugged his dad. He smiled at his son. “You look just like her….when you find her…you let her know just how proud I am of you.”

Tears welled up in both their eyes and after a long, tearful goodbye, Varian set off in the light of the morning sun.

First stop, Elio.

>

Find this on A03!

[420technoblazeit]

what time is the valentine’s day stream? i have to run my girlfriend her present which sucks cause i have no car and therefore have to take an hour long bike ride on a kids bike that needs air in the tires. but i also don’t wanna miss the stream, i need cummies.

oooOoooOooOOoooh im anon and i have a GIRLFRIEND AND A GREAT RELATIONSHIP. well ykw. im HAPPY FOR YOU HTAT SOUNDS VERY SWEET AND YOU SOUND LIKE A WONDERFUL PARTNER GOING ON AN HOUR LONG BIKE RIDE TO GIVE HER A PRESENT. GOD. THAT SOUDNS LOVELY. itll b at 7 pm est i think

[causenessus]

GOOD MORNING 🗣️🗣️ i know its like 6 something am but we're gonna ignore that bc i physically cannot fall back asleep (curse insomnia)!! make sure you eat enough today and drink water! idk when you're gonna answer this ask but im assuming at nighttime like usual so dont forget to take your meds 🙂‍↕️

omg recently ive been having matcha a concerning amount like i went to an asian store like a WEEK ago and now like every day im making something with it... it's probably fine though?? i wasnt even a big matcha enthusiast before but i remembered seeing a post from you and literally all it said was matcha break and i was like "hm! that sounds pretty good tbh now i want matcha." so here i am, after buying matcha. addiction isn't pretty/j

ANYWAY when i was trying to fall asleep i randomly remembered when u put up a shelf and accidentally messed up a tag on your post about it😭 i think it said something like "if you're rintarou suna i don't care" and when i read it i was like oo that's not! and then u reblogged it with the correction BUT APPARENTLY IM THE EXCEPTION ‼️ i think we got married under that post LMAOAOAO so i remembered all of that when i was trying to fall asleep and then i js started laughing it was so stupid omg,, pushed back my sleeping like 15 minutes but it was worth it bc it was funny

SO ITS MY FIRST DAY BACK TO SCHOOL TODAY OH MY GOSH 😨 itll probably fine im just dramatic but theres sm people i do NOT wanna see. like keep them far away from me or ill flip my shit type of not wanna see 🥰 so thats always fun yk! we're in this together now ness 🙂‍↕️

HAVE A GOOD DAY!! <333

HELLO HELLO SAV!!! i'm sorry for how long it took me to answer your ask </33 PLEASE MAKE SURE TO EAT AND DRINK AND TAKE YOUR MEDS AS WELL!! THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE <3

matcha addictions are really not pretty LMAO for my wallet or anything else but honestly i love it!! and i'm so happy to have converted you!!! they're super super good i actually love that their bitter and honestly i will drink any matcha no matter if it's sweet or unsweetened 😭😭 my addiction is so bad that i even drink like two a day usually but at least....it's energizing...!!!!! so i hope you're enjoying your matchas <33

AND LMAO THE WAY I BURST OUT LAUGHING ABOUT THAT STORY YOU WERE REMEMBERING 😭😭😭 I'M GLAD TO HAVE MADE YOU LAUGH BC THAT WAS NOT A PRETTY MOMENT WE DEF GOT MARRIED UNDER THAT POST!! <33333 but i went back to like read my post twirling my hairs like "omg i love suna so much 🥰" and then reread the post like "OMG HOLD ON WAIT I SAID I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HIM </3" but he knows i meant well 😔😔 and i corrected it in the end!!

AND I TOTALLY GET IT YOU'RE NOT DRAMATIC AT ALL!! THAT'S HOW I FEEL LIKE 24/7 LIKE YES I'VE BEEN BACK IN SCHOOL FOR A WEEK and still everyday i wake up like "man i am not looking forward to seeing these people today" like they never get better </3 in fact, they get worse 💀 I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY!!! AND LUCKILY IT'S FRIDAY SO I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND AS WELL!! AND GET TO REST A LITTLE BEFORE THIS NEXT WEEK STARTS </3