#sorry. i have to let myself be bitter sometimes. i hate the way she treats Lizzie so much truly

[bibridlizzie]

Who's the better sibling? Certainly not Josette

[rphelperblog]

Shatter Me Series Rp Meme Part one

“I spent my life folded between the pages of books.

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.” 

“I'm oxygen and he's dying to breathe.”

“Books are easily destroyed. But words will live as long as people can remember them.” 

Swords may cut and kill, but words will stab and stay, burying themselves in our bones to become corpses we carry into the future, all the time digging and failing to rip their skeletons from our flesh.”

“Ignite, my love. Ignite.”

“Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.” 

“I've been screaming for years and no one has ever heard me.” 

“It's the kind of kiss that inspires stars to climb into the sky and light up the world.”

“Why do you call her 'love'?"

"Would anyone else like to take over this conversation?"

“And we are quotation marks, inverted and upside down, clinging to one another at the end of this life sentence. Trapped by lives we did not choose.” 

“Time goes on even when we do not.”

“The man is moody as hell.”

“Hope is hugging me, holding me in its arms, wiping away my tears and telling me that today and tomorrow and two days from now I will be just fine and I'm so delirious I actually dare to believe it.” 

Loneliness is a bitter, wretched companion. Sometimes it just won't let go.” 

“Hope is a pocket of possibility.I'm holding it in my hand.”

Love is a heartless bastard.” 

You don’t like to kill people, remember? You’re against that, remember? You like to talk about feelings and rainbows—

“I like the way I feel about myself when I'm with him." 

“I want to feel your skin on fire. I want to feel your heart racing next to mine and I want to know it’s racing because of me, because you want me. Because you never,never want me to stop. I want every second. Every inch of you. I want all of it.”

“Sticks and stones keep breaking my bones but these words, these words will kill me.” 

“ I lived love and loss through stories threaded in history; I experienced adolescence by association. My world is one interwoven web of words, stringing limb to limb, bone to sinew, thoughts and images all together. I am a being comprised of letters, a character created by sentences, a figment of imagination formed through fiction.”

 He makes me feel like his equal--like I can accomplish just as much as he can, and more. And if I do something incredible, he's not even surprised. He expects it. He doesn't treat me like I'm some fragile little girl who needs to be protected all the time

Don't ask me questions you already know the answers to. Twice I've laid myself bare to you and all it's gotten me was a bullet wound and a broken heart. Don't torture me,

“Please don’t shoot me for this.”

I’m falling.I’m falling apart and into his heart and I’m a disaster.” 

“Hey, um, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a friend of mine.Have you seen her? She's a tiny little thing, cries a lot, spends too much time with her feelings-"

I am a whisper that never was.” 

“Come back to life, love. I'll be here when you wake up.” 

“And if you insist on continuing to make assumptions about my character, I’ll advise you only this: assume you will always be wrong.”

"I need waves. I need waterfalls. I want rushing currents.” 

“Someone picked up the sun and pinned it to the sky again, but every day it hangs a little lower than the day before. It's like a negligent parent who only knows one half of who you are. It never sees how its absence changes people. How different we are in the dark.” 

" the truth is a painful reminder of why I prefer to live among the lies.” 

"Do I look like the kind of guy who's never had a girlfriend? Have you even met me?”

“You destroy me.”

“Hate looks like everybody else until it smiles” 

“People seldom realize that they tell lies with their lips and truths with their eyes all the time.” 

“My life is four walls of missed opportunities poured in concrete molds.”

“Find me a cure for these tears, I'd really like to exhale for the first time in my life.” 

"You just like him for his personality, huh?"

“In a world where there is so much to grieve and so little good to take? I grieve nothing. I take everything.” 

“Because if I lower my voice, I won’t be able to hear myself speak. And that is my favorite part.”

“Every butterfly in the world has migrated to my stomach.” 

"I do like his face.” 

“The books...they helped keep me from losing my mind altogether.”

"Just because I'm going to hell doesn't mean you'll ever deserve her.” 

“I am a being comprised of letters, a character created by sentences, a figment of imagination formed through fiction.”

"I want you so much it scares me.” 

“I am nothing more than the consequence of catastrophe.”

“Hope in this world bleeds out of the barrel of a gun.” 

"Only those who cannot express themselves intelligently would resort to such crude substitutions in vocabulary.

“Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable? You have as much charisma as the rotting innards of unidentified roadkill.”

“Truth is a jealous, vicious mistress that never, ever sleeps.” 

"You deserve to live, You deserve to be alive.” 

“A handful of letters doesn't always make a word, love.” 

“Lift your hips for me, love.” 

“Nothing in this life will ever make sense to me but I can't help but try to collect the change and hope it's enough to pay for our mistakes.” 

“I feel like I’ve been split open and stuffed with sunshine.” 

"I love you exactly as you are.” 

“I want to trust but it scares the skin off my bones.” 

"I love making you mad.” 

“I am no longer afraid of fear, and I will not let it rule me. Fear will learn to fear me.” 

"Don't be sad. Or hurt. Or guilty. You've done nothing wrong." 

“My mind is a warehouse of carefully organized human emotions. I lock away the things that do not serve me.” 

“You're absolutely delicious when you're angry."

 "Too bad my taste is poisonous for your palate.” 

“You know, you have a really strange way of telling me you’re attracted to me.” 

“Idiots are highly flammable, love. Let them all burn in hell.”

“This is so unbearably inconvenient,I was prepared to hate him for the rest of my life.” 

“My words wear no parachutes as they fall out of my mouth.” 

“All of you. Your entire body. Proportionally. Symmetrically. You’re absurdly, mathematically perfect. It doesn’t even make sense that a person could look like you,” 

“You allow the world to think you're a heartless murderer,"

"I'm afraid I'm just the regular kind of murderer.

“I have a heart, says science, but I am a monster, says society.” 

“I'm too poor to afford the luxury of hysteria right now.”

“People can think whatever they like....I don't desire their validation.” 

“That this girl would know exactly how to shatter me.” 

“The world is a mess and I want to laugh because all I can think is how horrible and beautiful it is.” 

“Torture is not torture when there’s any hope of relief.” 

“We are synonyms but not the same.” 

“It's the kind of kiss that inspires stars to climb into the sky and light up the world. The kind that takes forever and no time at all.” 

“This girl is destroying me.”

“You couldn’t kick my ass if I had ten of them.”

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello!1st I wanted to say i love your blog its *chefs kiss*,and 2nd could I request (i dont know if this is in someway triggering or not so i apologize) a MC who doesnt believe the brothers can love them 'cause they despise themself and they are so set on (?) with that mindset that the brothers cant convince them otherwise,but MC themself wants to feel loved they...just cant...and they just breakdown saying they arent special and when the brothers meet other humans they will realise that MC is nothing,that they are a horrible being and they will leave them for somebody better,does that make sense I dont wanna go too deep into it(totaaaaally not self projecting)I am so sorry if this is a sensitive topic,feel free to ignore this ask,this has been eating me out for weeks so I just wanted to seek some comfort.Once again your blog is great and dont overwork yourself, take care! :D 🤍

I've definitely been there and even now, I still have these fears. Growing out of these Insecurities and feelings are hard even if you work hard to be as confident as you can. One day it'll happen but until then you just gotta keep reminding yourself that you're worth the world

Also tip, please don't rely on others for self worth - people can be cruel or simply just unpredictable. Not all but until you see every colour of a person you don't know. If you depend on someone else to give you worth and make you feel good then that'll start a very unhealthy cycle for yourself

I hate this phase "love yourself before you love others" because you don't need to, you can find healthy and happy relationships whilst insecure. But I think what it really means is; get self worth before you love another. Make sure you don't do yourself damage by giving you Someone who does the bare minimum or will sometimes make you feel good but is usually a dick.

You can find love but that love can be wrong if you don't pay attention to the red flags. Don't let your insecurities drag you into unhealthy relationships.

Because you are stunning, worth it and loveable. You're Someone people can look up to or admire even if it's for something simple like your humour.

Also thank you, I'll be sure to not overwork myself, make sure you don't pressure yourself too hard about work or your hobbies. Hobbies are all about fun!

Warning: self loathing, depressive themes, angst

You could stand it.

Your eyes traveled along the gifts and trinkets that were in your room. Each one gifted to you by a powerful demon; a demon you live with.

You couldn't stand it.

You could get it; why would someone like that every like you? You weren't special and yet Everyone insisted that you were. You're not the key. Not anything Diavolo wants or expects. Definitely not what the brothers want.

You had to scoff. The brothers only like you because of Lilith, if you were related then they'd never see you as anything but some human. Lilith dragged you here, she made sure you came here and for what? To be always told you're going to be some big thing; someone to destroy hatred and help bring together three realms.

Do they not realize how much pressure that is??!!!! And the how are you even going to do that?! You're magic is unpredictable and useless - it perfectly reflects you.

You whimpered at your own thoughts. The word useless stinging at your heart; it was almost if a knife lodged itself into your chest. Constantly stabbing the word useless into it.

You were useless. They need to find someone who can actually live up to their expectations. Just a good for nothing human....why do they even like you?

You looked back at the gifts, your watery stare turning into a hateful glare.

The question was burning inside your head. You couldn't understand; what did he see in you? You're not special! You're not anything anyone wants you to be and you're just being forced on a pedestal you didn't make!

Why did he always look at you the way he does? Like you actually mean something. Why does he smile so softly when you enter the room?

Why would he be like that when you KNOW that as soon as he meets another human, he'll be running after them without hesitation. Everyone was so much more attractive than you and better than you - you couldn't get why he loved you. Why- no how?! You weren't good enough for him!

No matter how many times he says I love you or compliments you it leaves such a bitter disgusting taste in your mouth. You're so horrible you can't even let people be nice to you - it's all a lie anyway. No one could love you. Never. No one!

You were useless! Disgusting! You weren't even attractive! You weren't loveable! You're a horrible person who looks just as horrible as they are. How can they look at you like that?! How can they stand you?! You're nothing!

You don't get it!

Why?! Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why Why why why-!

A scream ripped itself out of your throat. Tears streaming down your face as you clutched your head. Your body curled into itself, shaking and trembling as you choked on your sobs. You coughed through it as you tried to breath but the tears kept coming. Drowning you as you desperately tried to breath under their weight.

The pain was unbelievable. You felt like your head was on fire. You could barely even make out the figure standing at your door. Whoever they were, they scooped you up from the floor and rubbed circles into your arms. You clutched to them for dear life as you cried.

Somewhere in your brain you could tell who it was and it only made you cry harder. Shame filling your lungs as you tried to escape their caring embrace.

"No-! Stop it! I'm nothing! I'm useless-! Let me go-!! Why- why won't you leave me alone?! I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! LET ME DIE-!"

were you dying? You felt like it. The ache was painful; your chest growing tighter and tighter. You pounded on their chest, demanding they let you be the useless thing that you are alone.

Lucifer:

He forced back his tears

Just rubbing circles into your skin as he held you

To think you were this Insecure despite being the nicest person who knew

You were Better than him and don't let pride stop you - you were amazing

"not good enough for me? What made you believe that...? You're perfect for me, you complete me."

You denied his claims, sobbing as you listed your insecurities

"Your insecurities don't define you, you're so much more than that - I wouldn't of picked you to be my love if I didn't think you'd be adequate."

He wasn't sure if you were still listening but he pushed past his doubts

Adjusting you in his embrace

"I- I'm not sure if I'm comforting you....I'm not good at being the gentle hand, I want you to see how I see you - you're kind, charming and always keeping me in awe, you mean so much to me, I'll trade anything I could just to see you smile - I love you."

Mammon:

There can only be one self loathing idioit in this relationship

He refuses to let you feel like how he has

His forced confidence - you could easily see through it - anyone could

But you were the only one who then actually helped him feel better when you did see through it

He let a few tears stray, holding you close

"did someone say something to you? I don't forgive 'em for ever making ya this upset, I'm not letting you feel like this."

You shook your head, muttering that he should let you

"why should I? You're my favourite person and you've only made me happy - so let me make you happy! You're the only person who's ever treated me the way ya treat me and I won't let you hate yourself!"

He hugged you even tighter, squeezing you as he hid his face in your shoulder

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, okay? You always know how to make me feel better and it's my turn to make you feel better but you gotta listen to me! I lo-love you! The great Mammon loves you so badly that he just wants to kiss you every day! You're amazing and I won't forgive ya if you let yourself keep going on like this, let me support you.... please...I don't want you to go."

Levithan:

He couldn't get it

He's always been jealous of your personality and ability to make others feel good

His envy makes him despise himself - so seeing you be the same, he couldn't take it

He gave you one big squeeze

"d-don't be stupid! You're the best thing that's come into my life - even better than ruri-chan!"

You didn't believe him, he was obessed with that character

"but it's true-! If I could I'd get loads of merchandise of you too because you're my favourite person! You're just like the protagonists I read about."

His face was beat red but he was determined to make you feel better

"You're Henry, you are brave and kind, always trying your best even if that best isn't up to your own or others standards, you Inspire me! I've thought about of making a series about you...so others can feel just as happy as I do when I see you, you make me feel less insecure and like I actually mean something - why can I do to make you feel the same? You mean everything to me! I really like you....I like-like you-! I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! Let me make you feel how you make me feel because then you'll see just how amazing you are!"

Satan:

Did someone makes you feel like this or was it just your own thoughts?

If it isn't the latter he'll need to find out who's hurt you

But right now, he hugged you tighter and cradled your head

He couldn't stand to see and hear you so destressed

"did I do something to make you feel like this? I'm so sorry if I did, I don't always realize when I come off rude or hateful- I could never hate you."

You held him tight, telling him to stop

"but I need to fix it if I've hurt you and if it wasn't me then whoever did needs to keep quiet, you don't deserve these feelings."

You huffed, trying to not cry more

He gave your Shoulder a small squeeze

"you're more than enough for me, you're so good to me - sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough for you, you're always so patient with me and don't make me feel like I'm some unthinking beast, you don't think I'm lying when I be genuine and that makes me love you - I do love you - you make me feel good and I want to do the same for you, you're beyond good and I'll always be happy with the person you are and can become because I know you can do so much and always bring positivity even in the darkest times."

Asmodeus:

He's crying too

He hated of being seen as insecure

He only wanted confidence

Seeing you sob and beat on yourself like this only reminded him of his most private moments

He held you even closer, rocking you gently

"No, dear, I love you too much to let you feel like this, you're amazing to me and I think you're better than even myself, you're my number 1."

You shook your head, telling him he's lying

"I'm not, why would I lie? You're the sweetest person I know, you don't see me as some sex object - you make me feel real and happy - so so happy."

He kissed the top of your head, hiding his tear streaked face

"I want you to be happy....you deserve it, you've got only so long to live and I'm so scared that you're going to hate yourself even until you die, I don't want that! You're beautiful amazing and I could never ask for anyone better! Please- just let's work on our confidence together...okay? You're so wonderful, don't let yourself become so hateful."

Beezlebub:

He's absolutely broken

How didn't he realize you felt this bad about yourself??

He didn't even realize he was crying aswell, just holding you close as his mind screamed at him

"did something make you feel like this? It hurts to hear you say these things."

You shook your head before nodding, muttering you just won't talk anymore

"I didn't mean that, I always want you to be open with me and if not me, atleast one of my brother's."

He picked you up, placing you in a more comfortable position and held you close to his chest

"I love you, it took me awhile to realize that but I do, you make me feel full and happy - like I just ate a big buffet of warm cakes and dishes, I'm always warm when I'm with you, I don't believe you're not good enough - you're kind to me and never judge me for eating, you help me with working out but most importantly, you fixed my family and brought my twin back, I don't know how to make you see how much that means to me and I don't want you to feel bad about yourself when you're always the best person in the room - you're really great."

Belphegor:

"just let me die"

Those words hurt him so bad

He was like that, he demanded to be left to Rot with his own self loathing when Lilith died

He pulled you close to his chest as he grabbed your shoulder

"You're not allowed to feel like this, you've done nothing to feel this much hatred towards yourself."

You told him he was wrong, crying harder

"when am I wrong? I- okay, I can be wrong but I'm not wrong about you, you're my favourite person which means I love you and I don't let my favourite people sit and cry."

He cuddled you, nuzzling his cheek against yours

"You saved me and I will never able to make it up to you, I've hurt you and I hate it- I hate that I'm a reason you get scared, don't ever let yourself rot away, when my brother's just leave me to sleep I always feel so much dread - that I'm being left to die in my bed and will never get to see their faces again - I'll never be able to see your face again....I wouldn't be able to take it.....seeing you everyday makes me want to leave my bed and always make sure you smile, let me make you smile again."

[leviiattacks]

Head canons for mafia boss levi being interested in Starbucks barista reader please

note :: this idea is so cute i wrote a scenario i hope you don’t mind. i can still post some headcanons for it too if you really want me to! i’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted me to write anon :-( ALSO this is super casual writing it’s not like the way i usually write it’s just bullet points i mean idk i wanted to try something different and more relaxed lmk if this style is okay for some requests :D

if anyone would like any more requests with this levi please lmk!! i could go in more detail tbh maybe the pacing of this isn’t too good bc it is a short request but yeahhh

+ idk why the formatting looks so odd i tried my best to fix it myself ?!.!/!:£:& but yeah sorry again!!

levi has always been one to keep his business meetings lowkey

i mean, realistically who is going to suspect mafia boss levi is lingering in a starbucks???

the place is well-suited for his hushed meetings, he finds it to be quiet enough and clean enough

but then one winter everything changes

you start working there

he’s waiting in the queue texting erwin asking when he’ll be able to get there

it’s been a RUSH and the traffic is crazy as expected from the bustling city so he doesn’t expect to see erwin for a while

that’s when he hears you for the first time

“HEY!! Mister in the fancy suit it’s your turn to order”

your hands are placed on the counter and you lean forward eagerly waiting for what he has to say

levi rolls his eyes because he thinks you have to be ogling his designer watch and shoes (you really aren’t)

“black tea, no sugar and... a cinnamon swirl” he’ll order for erwin later. “i’ll be eating in.”

“ooohhh you’re a tea guy? name?” you’re smiling at him radiantly and it irks him because you have nothing to be smiling about really

eyes narrowing he responds “no shit, i just ordered tea.”

“and why the hell do you want my name?” he snaps on reflex

he then remembers he’s at a starbucks and you are not interrogating him, you’re doing your job

“sir... this is starbucks?? is this your first time here?”

you blink in confusion but then your face lights up “oh my, would you like to sign up for a starbucks card?? you can collect stars and get rewards and it’s so muc–“

“do i look like i need a starbucks card?”

“everyone looks like they need a starbucks card”

he doesn’t carry on that part of your conversation instead he looks you dead in the eyes “levi, is my name.”

his glare intimidates you and you awkwardly laugh

you think he’s probably having a super bad day and choose to not bother him that much

as he’s waiting he sees the way you clumsily navigate behind the counter, you’re juggling a number of things in your arms

automatically his face sours

he’s not expecting the tea you produce to be any good

he doesn’t care how nice you are if you can’t do what he wants he won’t be leaving a tip

he’s stingy like that

a clatter is heard and all the noise you’re making just makes you all the more aggravating

he’s been coming here for years and never has encountered a barista as bothersome as yourself

at some point you call out the name “SCROOGE!” from behind the counter, levi finds it embarrassing that anyone would ever call their child that

like... out of all the names this is what they choose??

damn they have to hate parenthood

“scrooge i’m begging you collect your drink.”

he looks up pissed that whoever this scrooge is has the audacity to hold you up because that by default means they are holding him up

then he sees you staring directly at him with that warm smile again

yeah, that smile, it could thaw ice

then it settles.

he’s scrooge?

turning around he notices no one is behind him then he sees that no one else is waiting apart from him

jaw clenching he heads towards you and makes it a point to “tsk” in frustration

he takes his cup and his cinnamon roll and you wave him goodbye

usually levi prefers to silently sit in the booth furthest from the action, he wants no attention drawn to him at all

but that day he finds himself sitting closer to the counter

he’s kind of stunned when he does that because he’s just sat there thinking why the hell did i just do that?? why did i sit here??

but he convinces himself it’s because he wants to see erwin when he’s about to walk in so he can prepare to scold him for not arriving on time

he takes a sip of his beverage expecting nothing above mediocirty but weirdly, your brew, it tastes perfect

levi’s eyes linger on you and he notices the way your behaviour is consistent

you’re helping an old woman pick what she’d like from the menu

you compliment her jumper, says it really makes her blue eyes stand out

you don’t have to be as nice as you are and it’s ticking him off

it ticks him off seeing someone so pure and sweet for no reason

when did people decide to not have ulterior motives anymore? did you decide those were too old school for you?

tongue poking at the inside of his cheek he activates his poker face and looks away

you, are a random person. a random, annoying person. he is going to stop thinking about you.

turning his attention to erwin instead he calls him and when he picks up levi makes his point very clear

“i was just called scrooge. get the hell here so i can order for you.”

erwin chuckles, his throaty laugh makes levi’s mouth twitch downwards in irritation

“and who exactly called you scrooge?”

“is that relevant?”

“very much so if you’ve mentioned it yourself”

levi is silent and erwin laughs once again at his colleagues anti social way of interacting

“i’ll be there in five, feel free to order.”

grunting a sound of approval levi hangs up

“you’re back! how may i help?”

the way you treat being a barista so seriously, he finds it oddly endearing

“one doubleshot iced coffee.”

nodding to yourself you hum a tune happily and get to work

ever since that day levi finds himself frequenting that specific starbucks more

at first it’s a whole lot of “i’m pissed and i don’t have a reason so i’ll go down there and have her annoy me, then i’ll have a real reason”

then you talk to him more and you both engage in small talk

then it develops when he doesn’t mean for it to

you tell him about what you study, where you’re from, how your mother has recently developed arthritis but she’s still so determined to cook to the best of her abilities despite the pain

that reminds him of you

each visit he learns something new about you

sometimes he’ll let you in on his life

“what do you work as, i’ve always wondered?“

“accountant.“ no way in hell is he going to scare you away, telling you isn’t an option

you burst out in laughter holding your knees

“accountancy is well paying what is your point...?”

“do you not know what that means” your laugh is muffled as you press the sleeve of your jumper against your mouth

he shakes his head completely clueless

“people say their accountants when they’re actually strippers. it’s a tiktok thing.”

you pause for a second staring at his face

he feels the way his ears grow red under your gaze but he ignores it looking as bored as ever

“ah well. i did not know that.”

“clearly not you are an old man.”

then you turn away to brew his tea and he lets the ghost of a smile sneak its way onto his face

you aren’t looking, it’s okay

but he knows it’s dangerous getting attached to you

it’s stupid relaxing

and it’s even worse loosening up

so he doesn’t.

he’s always cold, bitter and frigid in his responses as he’s always been with you

but that doesn’t stop you from kindly smiling

or absentmindedly brushing the surface of his skin on rare occasions

it doesn’t stop you from calling him scrooge

and it certainly doesn’t stop you from slowly thawing the frosty exterior of his heart

then one day you let the words “my scrooge” slip out of your mouth

he doesn’t know why he let’s it happen or even how it happens exactly but he can’t help the smile that makes itself evident on his face

“HEY YOU JUST SMILED HELLO?????? you can do THAT????”

he smiled in front of you, that’s it he’s fucked

he quickly drops it and is back to his normal narrowed glare

“i did no such thing”

you give him a knowing look but sigh airily there’s no point in getting the man to admit it

“what would you like today, a frappe?”

you ask the sarcastic question even though you know he hates change. his usual order is already ingrained in your mind. you know it off by heart

he sighs in exasperation

“is your memory really that bad?”

“nope. cinnamon rolls and black tea it is!”

[gilly-bj]

1: This is not a “why Levi will end up with Mikasa”, at all. I’m not trying to boost our confidence in RM because I don’t want us to get hurt again, okay? Fine. Always remember that those 10 pages might be even worse than 139 but we will never stop shipping RM . Always remember the 138 beautiful chapters and ignore the shitty one.

2: looong post. 

3: Constructive hmhmh no criticism to Erem*ka. Now let’s start.

No one ever asked me why I think Levi is the right man for Mikasa (and viceversa); when I interact with non rivamikas, they are too busy hating on me and my ship to show a bit of respect and interest towards my opinions and thoughts. I wrote this post because I think that this question needs to be answered, especially after 139. These are six reasons why I think that Levi deserves to be Mikasa’s man.

(I’m doing Levi version first because Mikasa is the one who’s in a toxic “relationship” with a possessive “man”)

i) He helped her with her development.

Since Season 1, Levi has always helped Mikasa to grow as a person. In fact, Levi was the first one who made her realize that her actions have consequences that sometimes are not very pleasant. She understood that, even if Eren is in danger, the other people around her exist and they might get hurt because of her reckless behaviors. Talking about Eren, only with Levi, Mikasa stopped being Eren’s obsessive mother and became an independent woman, which is exactly the opposite of what she’s now with her “love” Eren. I think that Levi will help Mikasa to move on from Eren once he will return to Paradise, and I also think that she will find someone to love. I remember Armin’s words in 139:

The fact that three years have passed and Mikasa is still single makes me realize that probably this “someone” is a man from her group of friends. They left her alone for three years (clap clap 👏 good job, you too Levi 😒), and she hasn’t fallen in love during those years, so maybe once they will return to Paradise she will meet again this “someone” and they will finally fall in love. Now, we have three candidates for this role:

Jean

Levi

Connie yes im serious

I know that Jean had a crush on Mikasa but, I think that he doesn’t love her anymore. To me, Jean realized that his feelings were not returned so He decided to give up on her, if he had feelings for her, he would have followed her to Paradise, don’t you think? And I think that Jean deserves more; I believe that you shouldn’t wait your crush for years, if you both fall in love then fine but if one of the two as a crush on the other for more than 5 years but the other doesn’t return his/her feelings then the other should say bye 👋🏻

Then we have Levi, and Connie yes I’m serious. I have already said why I think that Levi will help Mika to move on so I repeat myself. And I ship Conkasa 🙃🙂 nahhh im joking but they are cute.

ii) He respects her.

It was confirmed various times trough the story that Levi respects Mikasa, and viceversa. Respect is one of the “rudiments” of a relationship. Yesterday, I was reading this article online about why respect is important in a relationship, and the first point got me in a particular way: 

“1. Respect sees through the good and learns to accept the bad. When you are in love with someone, all you see are their best qualities, both inside and out. At the same time, you set aside their flaws and weaknesses, to tolerate these as much as you can. Respect doesn’t work that way.

When you have respect for the person you chose to be in a relationship with, you come to accept the person’s beauty and flaws, the bitter and sweet, and good and the bad. And from the acceptance, you both learn to adjust to each other’s systems and come up with a compromise that you can live with. Toppled with love, respect serves as the fuel to keep any relationship moving” 

The last part reminds me of Rivamika; Levi and Mikasa both know that the other has his own beauty and flaws, and they accept each other that way. They don’t set those flaws aside to tolerate each other more, they just accept them and they love each other the way they are. With Eren instead, Mikasa has always set aside his flaws because she didn’t want to see them and she always misinterpreted his actions. I want to see an independent woman and not a girl who doesn’t want to accept that her crush is not perfect. Mikasa has to understand that it’s okay if she says “fuck you” for once. Wake up girl.

iii) He cares for her.

Levi has always cared for Mikasa since Season 1, even if I think that in the beginning, he cared for her just as a simple soldier since they didn’t know each other that much. After their first meeting, things changed on Levi’s side and on Mikasa’s as well; she learned to respect him, and Levi started to understand that gloomy brat, to the point that she became special to him; indeed, the way Levi treats Mikasa is very different from the way he treats everyone else, even the other women (Petra, Hisu, Hanji, Sasha) Please my Mika wake up. It’s sad that many think it’s just simple affection because “oh they are cousins he loves her just like a sister bla bla bla”. Sorry to tell you but I don’t have that much tension with my brother 😏😏 and some blind people still say that he hates when he:

Broke his ankle to save her

Always reminds her to calm down and to not be reckless because she can hurt the others but also herself

Always looks at her from afar to check if she’s okay

Literally cried when she was having one of her headaches (138)

Blind people 😏

iiii) He understands her.

Levi understands Mikasa’s feelings; they are very similar, and Mikasa found herself in situations Levi had already lived, from loosing her friends and family to the awakening of their power. And that’s also why Levi plays a big part in her development; remember in Season 1 when Annie kidnapped Eren and Mikasa lost her mind? Okay so when Levi saw her like that, he reminded of his younger self’s reaction to Isabel and Farlan’s death, and that’s why he acted in a soft way towards her; he already knew that in that situation, she wouldn’t have even looked at him if he didn’t act in a soft way. He knew she was lost so he took control of the situation.

Screenshot from: chapter 30.

iiiii) He’s a real man.

In my personal vocabulary, 139 Eren doesn’t fit the definition of man. Someone that treats a woman like that doesn’t deserve to be called “man” (same with women obviously). To me, a man is someone that’s able to respect his lover, that doesn’t treat her like an object and that thinks about her happiness first (that’s literally what love means lmao) (and more). Saying “I want her to be happy” is not enough when he wrapped the scarf around her again, knowing that she was suffering and she was not able to set herself free. If Eren really loved her, he wouldn’t wrapped the scarf around her again. Levi instead fits my definition of “man”, I’d say perfectly. He has always respected her, and he wants the best for Mikasa. He showed to love her, at least platonically, numerous times, he showed care about her physical and mental well-being. I think that Levi could make Mikasa feel loved, what her “lover” Eren has never done since he always treated her badly. Mikasa doesn’t know much about relationships, and Levi too, but with Levi she would understand what a real relationship looks like. And personally, I don’t want Mikasa to end up with someone like 139 Eren.

iiiiii) He his her ideal type and they share the same life goals.

Two months ago, I wrote this post named “How much are Mikasa and Levi compatible?”. There I listed all the reasons why I believe that Levi and Mikasa are each other’s ideal type. I’m not going to repeat myself, so if you want to read it, click here. Anyway, they share the same life goals, that are: a peaceful life in the middle of nature and a family since they both have a soft spot on children.

What do you think? Do you have other reasons why you think that Levi is perfect for Mikasa? I hope you liked this post and feel free to share your opinions!

[kim-monsterlings]

Vardelk - M Goblin x GN Reader // SFW

The pictures do not belong to me. I only created the mood board. Do not repost my work anywhere.

Content: SFW/Orange, mild fae trickery, swearing, a rude goblin, mention of past heartbreak + cheating, alluding to past sex, one cute lil kiss - if there is anything below which needs to be mentioned here in future, let me know!

Wordcount: 2256

Notes: so... this isn’t really the prompt (and knowing me I will be writing the prompt again because I can’t help myself, and creating Huddle Haven just has so much opportunity for cuddly monsters) but I read it and my brain just ran off with it and thus, Vardelk was born. Credit to @monsterkinkmeme​ for the original prompt!!

Masterlist

"Nobody else is available," Lacey said. Her keen, fae-folk eyes fell to where your knuckles cracked in the uncomfortable silence. "He looks so sad. Just for an hour? He told me to find someone for him, and, well," she drew in a breath. "I'm trying."

Huddle Haven was always busiest on the weekends, though tonight was one of the busiest evenings you had ever seen. The ache in your chest reminded you that this weekend had just followed Valentine's Day. Most of the patrons crowding the small café now had come with broken hearts, from failed dates and relationships ended only a day prior, and you had told Lacey - you had, you remembered, even texted her, that more volunteers were needed for today.

You were only supposed to be staff behind the counter, helping clean and take orders, sometimes assisting in the baking, not one of the volunteers for dates. No less being a human, and not what the customer had come for.

"Double pay "

"Lacey-"

"Permanently."

Fae could only articulate the truth. If she truly offered you double pay, a permanent rise, then Lacey now was beyond desperate. In bringing you out to customers - hardly presentable under the guise of a date, too, then the patron had to be more than just “sad.”

Her unwavering resolve made you frown. "Are you trying to trick me into this?"

"Permanent double pay raise," she said - a deliberate avoidance, then she pursed her black lips, the same glossy colour as her gossamer wings. "I would owe you a favour, too."

"Deal."

Lacey’s jaw fell baring sharpened teeth, her eyes sparking at the weight of the binding deal. Though, you wasted no time on the burden of the oral contract, nor on what you could claim from it, already passing over your sugar-stained apron. An exchange of forced smiles worsened the knot forming in your stomach.

"He's in the corner booth."

Chest tight, you nodded, whispering, "what-?"

"Goblin."

It wasn't like you were seeing anyone. You hadn't for a while, and the nerves forced a lump to your throat. The only real reason you were against this was a panic beginning to cloud your thoughts. He must have come with a broken heart, and you weren't so sure how much help you would be, rusty as you were.

Lacey's gentle nod was a push out of the kitchen. The sight already overwhelmed you; booths filled mainly with couples, though some sat as more, partners hurt by another in a polyamorous relationship leaving. Today wasn't the first time you had seen someone crying on a volunteer’s shoulder, though admittedly the first time you had seen both a tiefling and harpy cry here.

The goblin in question wasn't visible above the booth until you squeezed by an octomer - one you had seen surprisingly frequently, well-versed in walking on tentacles curled together in an effort to find a mate - before hesitating just before the table to steady yourself.

Lacey was right; he looked miserable, and bitter. From first impression alone, the atmosphere he exuded was one you were reluctant to disturb, and served only to lock your body tighter. Even still, he had made an effort; smart clothes, a black shirt crisp against his dark green skin, trimmed gold at the collar like his thin septum ring. Another two gold rings sat at his thin lips, gnawed at now by sharp teeth.

He might have looked miserable, but when he looked up, the softening of his face softened yours, too, and he looked cute, with his bright eyes rounded and long ears twitching; before he scowled, and turned back to staring at his hands.

"May I?" The goblin tipped his chin, though didn't say a word, so you sat slowly and introduced yourself. In silence, too, waiting for the goblin to say anything.

Only after a minute of silence did he grunt, "Vardelk."

"So," you hummed, and his face fell. Questions raced through your mind, but each seemed too cliché, too date-like too soon. Some came to Huddle Haven for comfort, for a distraction or a date, but if you had to guess, his deadpan stare wasn't one of wanting a date. "Have you been waiting long?"

Vardelk only shrugged one light shoulder, but his eyes narrowed. They ran over you in a way that had you squirming and struggling for words.

"Are you hungry? Their sundaes are good. Cakes, too, but I prefer the brownies. Hot chocolate over coffee," you mumbled, itching to draw a response, anything from the pensive goblin, but nothing worked. With nothing coming to mind - and in a last ditch effort before you began to ramble all the more, you asked, "what brought you here today?"

Vardelk's nails tapped at the faded cloth. "You work here, don't you?"

For such a sudden change in conversation, albeit a one-sided one, you stared at him for a second before your thoughts caught up. In the moment that passed, he scoffed, and his sharp eyes pierced you. They struck you like Lacey’s had, narrowed and biting.

"They had to pay someone to sit with me, huh? Forget it. Fuck this."

Guilt twisted at you when he began to shift out of the booth, but you made no move to stop him, only speaking quietly. "We ran out of volunteers. They didn't anticipate it being so busy. I'm sorry. I usually only work in the kitchens."

His dark eyes rolled and his voice hardened. "You didn't anticipate monsters having their hearts broken? Typical. Never the humans."

The initial shock of him realising that you were, in fact, human, wore off fast. Unhindered pain replaced all guilt and lodged at the back of your throat, but your words held steady and hopefully, hit as hard as his stare. "I first came here like you months ago, not for a job, but because I'd had my heart broken. By a drider, by the way," you added, and Vardelk had the nerve to shrug. "I sat with-" breath rushed from you at the memory of the day warmed in the hug of a volunteer. "He was a minotaur, and he sat with me as I cried. We went out again on a real date. For a while, actually. Until I finally put out, as he so eloquently said, because apparently broken-hearted people make for the best fucks. So no, it isn't only monsters, and our time is up, I think."

The sting blurring your vision wasn't worth the glimmer of regret on the goblin's features. He didn't deserve to know the hell you'd been through, and you were almost from the small booth when a soft touch caught your hand.

Needless to say, you snatched back from his touch, unashamed of the tears now brimming when you finally met his dark stare again. Thick ears you had earlier thought of as cute twitched back when his shoulders hunched over.

"I'm sorry."

It was your turn to don the mask of an empty expression, voice blank. "Thanks."

“We were together a year,” Vardelk whispered. Blunt nails tapped at the cloth as he cleared his throat. “Someone else was in our bed. Goblins can’t be enough for anyone, apparently. That we wouldn’t ever be enough. I’m quoting,” he said then, finally looking up.

His eyes were misty, too. "You left?"

Vardelk's smile was pained. "The offer of an open relationship didn’t appeal after being cheated on."

"Human?" His small chest puffed out and he sunk back with a weak nod. "I'm sorry, too."

Little could be said beyond your whispered apologies. There was little you wanted to say. Silence in your booth was nothing in the warmth of Huddle Haven, soft laughs echoing among deeper conversations at other tables. This weekend would be the hardest, not only with the rush of heartbroken patrons, but the reminder of your own pain, thanks to your “date.”

"Do you… do you want a brownie?"

"Me?"

Vardelk's smile was small, but it was there. "Hot chocolate, maybe?"

With an equally tentative smile, you said, "your treat for being an ass."

Then to your surprise - and relief, the goblin grinned, small legs tucking beneath him on the cushioned booth when he reached for a menu. Your rambling hadn’t fallen ignored, as Vardelk ordered a salted caramel sundae from Lacey, then, smiling, two hot chocolates and a brownie for you.

"Let me clarify first," you said. Vardelk’s ears drooped with his body shrinking back, and you spoke softer when his hands fell beneath the table to wring in his lap. "This doesn't have to be a date. Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to be distracted?"

With the desserts laid down, Vardelk brightened. "Distract me."

So you did. Obviously, a little unfortunately, Vardelk was aware of where you worked and how you were paid to accompany him. Under your careful shift in conversation, you learned he worked only across the road in a small flower shop, one he loathed more than anything at this time of year; as much as you hated the crowding in your café.

“I’d never been interested in coming here before... before yesterday, but,” Vardelk sipped at the hot chocolate, frowning at it. “People rush here. I see it all the time, coming to buy flowers then crossing the road. I don’t like blind dates. Never have,” he bit out. "They only start in disappointment and end in wasted time."

“I’m not disappointed.”

Vardelk rolled his eyes, but you only laughed, even after inadvertently calling this a date.

Until today, dating, the mere thought of it, sickened you, and with good reason, too. Even this had come at the coercion and bargaining of a fae, which said enough about your aversion to dating.

But something about Vardelk made your cheeks warm. The longer you sat with him, the easier conversation flowed. He was prickly and pessimistic, but you laughed, and his smiles grew until enough time passed for you to return the favour - you had been a little bit of an ass, too - and you shared churros together. Over the second dessert, small mannerisms began to warm you to him, your stomach fluttering with each eye roll. His earrings would clink when his head tilted, or when they trembled and tucked back at his embarrassment, or how when he was listening, really listening, he would draw his lips rings between sharp teeth and hum quietly. It was endearing to see his legs swinging gently beneath the table, too.

Huddle Haven closed at seven. Not late, but it wasn’t a bar, only a café, and any later welcoming the heartbroken would have the café open infinitely. Lacey came when Vardelk was absent from the table with the reminder that you were still on shift, and would be staying behind as usual to clean with everyone; "so don't get any ideas about leaving just yet," she'd said, her feathered eyebrows raised, but with the way she nudged you, there would be more probing for gossip about your forced date than any cleaning.

The goblin stood tucked into the wall beside you, bundled beneath a thick coat and a scarf almost his height. He was the last to leave, and reluctantly so, scuffing his heels and fiddling with the frayed ends of his sleeves, enough that you had to turn to hide your smile when he fumbled buttoning the coat, too.

"I know I was a prick," he began, and there was no avoiding the warmth to his eyes when he looked up. He stood a couple of feet smaller than you, the difference in height more obvious when he looked down again. "But I want it to be a date. To have another date."

The inclination to continue this into the evening shocked you, the want to agree on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn’t. As much as you longed to, you whispered, "I'm not looking to be a rebound."

Vardelk flinched. He began to deny it, words stuttered and softening into whispers, before biting down on his lip with a sharp nod. This was your first date in a long while, and after a reluctance to pursue any relationship for as long a time. He had been in a year long one, too, and if he only used you to move on once you had grown attached, your heart couldn’t take it.

But...

Beyond the resurfaced pain, the initial spat and his outwardly cruel demeanor, the afternoon together had been pleasant. For the first time in a long time, you wanted to go out again, to spend time with someone knowing you could be more than just friends, and you wanted that to be with him.

And he was cute.

"Come back in a month," you said. Vardelk's teeth caught at his lip ring when he choked, a nod shaking his gold earrings. "I'll say yes in a month."

The goblin came back the next day, a small smile enough for you weaken into accepting the bunch of flowers, and he returned each week with a brighter bunch. Keeping your word was a struggle, and on the second week you may have bowed to kiss him that night, just once, and Vardelk tucked a flower against your ear when you crouched, promising you would be worth the wait.

A month to the day of meeting, you saw him leaving the florist, and met him outside with a smile as big as his.

[thedevilsmemes]

      PINTEREST QUOTES I USE IN MY MUSINGS BOARDS                         ~ A SENTENCE MEME - PART 2

                         Change pronouns as / when needed to preferred pronoun.

“I do not do justice, I do damage. I do not do empathy, I do damage. I do not do forgiveness, I do damage. I do not do mercy, I do damage.”

“Like, you can boss me around in sexual situations but you better not try to tell me what to do in regular life.”

“I’m fine, I’ve had worse.”

“I’m meaner than my demons.”

“If I cannot bend Heaven, I will raise Hell.”

“Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black?”

“He was like a storm.”

“You want to play dirty? Fine, let’s play dirty!”

{ feels an emotion. } “Who the fuck authorised this?!”

“What the fuck? What the fuck is this? What the fuck?”

“Judge if you want. We are all going to die. I intend to deserve it.”

“Goddamn right you should be scared of me.”

“They wanted a monster; I decided to give them one.”

“Seduce and destroy.”

“What the fuck is intimacy? How does that work? Letting… people be close to you? What the fuck?”

“You couldn’t kill me if you tried for one hundred years.”

“I’ll do this my way.”

“I am severely emotionally unstable.”

“What, from the bottom of the heart, the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t take any orders. I barely take suggestions.”

“I send my best regards from Hell.”

“I like my coffee how I like myself: Dark, bitter and too hot for you.”

“Me and God, we don’t get along.”

“Be brave, Angel.”

“Self care is drinking three pots of coffee and getting into a knife fight with God.”

{ takes gulp of vodka straight from the bottle } “My day was fine.”

“Have I stabbed you? No. Then I am being nice.”

“Holy Shit! I’M the demon living in my house.”

“Sir, that’s my emotional support knife collection.”

“I want an ancient elaborate dagger with my name engraved into the blade as a gift. The only romantic gesture.”

“ ‘Are you a top or a bottom?’ I'm a threat!”

“Stop being so defensive! I’m just trying to hit you with weapons.”

“The more knives you have the more valid you are.”

“She’s strong but she’s exhausted.”

“She loves moonlight and rainstorms and so many other things that have soul.”

“My darling, you can’t see it can you? How like the moon you are. Both of you so timid in yourselves; hiding pieces from the world. Then, there are those rare moments when you are both full, and it becomes hard to look away. You are beautiful.”

“Calm her chaos but never silence her storm.”

“She wears strength and darkness equally well. That girl has always been half Goddess, half Hell.”

“She has been through Hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into the fire and smiles.”

“She’s proof that you can walk through Hell and still be an angel.”

“She is both hellfire and holy water. And the flavour you taste depends on how you treat her.”

“Even the mountains can not hold all you have been carrying.”

“Storm with skin.”

“She’s thunderstorms”

“Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.”

“You have a heart of gold.”

“Butterflies are the Heaven-sent kisses of an angel.”

“She who is brave is free.”

“Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.”

“Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick.”

“Girls who run in heels should be feared.”

“Family is everything to me.”

“She’s an old soul that believes in chivalry, romance, and love.”

“I hate getting flashbacks from things I don’t want to remember.”

“I run on coffee and grace.”

“I’m glad I’ve got boobs… the last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.”

“Tell me to put on my big girl panties one more time… and I’ll take off my thong and strangle you with it!”

“Please read all my posts in a sarcastic tone. You know, for full effect.”

“I have one nerve left and you’re dry-humping it, go away.”

“If I offend you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears, eating chips and working on my tan.”

“When she is happy, she can’t stop talking. When she is sad, she doesn’t say a word.”

“Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.”

“Act like a lady, think like a boss.”

“I know I have friends but I feel I have no one to talk to about the shit that goes on in my head.”

“She was special. She combined a mean angel and a kind devil.”

“So much pain for someone so young.”

“She’s one of a kind.”

“Red lips and wine sips.”

“Brave girl, it’s time to love again.”

“She is intelligent.”

“Sometimes, when I say ‘I’m okay.’ I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say, ‘I know you’re not.’ ”

“Because I’m not the kind of girl guys fall in love with.”

“I fear I will spend my life, waiting for a love story that doesn’t exist.”

“You’re a woman, use it; bring every man you meet to his motherfucking knees.”

“She denies it but, the truth is, she’s falling in love with him.”

“Hearing your heels click on the floor sounds like power.”

“She loves deeply, regardless of the love she gets back in return and it’s both her biggest strength and biggest weakness…”

“Experience raised her. Hurt taught her. Neither defined her.”

“She was not fragile like a flower was, she was fragile like a bomb.”

“Life is short; make every hair flip count.”

“I’ve always been someone who looks ‘too deep’ into something or someone. That’s because I realised from a young age that there’s always more than what meets the eye.”

“If I say ‘first of all’ Run away because I have prepared research, data, charts, and will destroy you.”

“Underestimate me, that’ll be fun.”

“You think I’m sarcastic? You should hear what I don’t say!”

“She’s a combination of sensitive and savage.”

“Stay classy, sassy and a bit bad assy.”

“She’s battling things her smile will never tell you about.”

 “Ain't you ever seen a princess be a bad bitch?”

“I was told I was dangerous… I asked why? They said ‘because you don’t need anyone.’ That’s when I smiled.”

“She’s been through hell and came out an angel. You didn’t break her darling, you don’t own that kind of power.”

“Watch me. I will go to my own sun and, if I am burned by the flames, I will fly on scorched wings.”

“Her messy hair is a visible attribute to her stubborn spirit. As she shakes it free, she smiles, knowing wild is her favourite colour.”

“She’s strong. But in the back of her mind she doesn’t think that she was meant to be this strong for this long. And she wonders if there is a man out there, somewhere, who understands this.”

“She’s not for everyone and she knows it. People find her different and strange. She dances in the rain, she laughs when she cries and loves through her pain. People fear the unknown and they never knew a girl like her.”

“Don’t tell a girl with fire in her veins and hurricane bones what she should and shouldn’t do. In the blink of an eye, she will shatter that ridiculous cage you attempt to build around her beautiful bohemian spirit.”

“You provoke her until she roars and then get upset at her for becoming the monster you created.”

“Rip out his ego with your fresh nails.”

“She isn’t the sunrise; she’s the fucking sun.”

“You can’t touch a woman who can wear pain like the grandest of diamonds around her neck.”

“Watch your tongue around her. She will bear her fangs and tear you apart with all the grace of a Queen.” 

“If you won’t embrace her madness, then you’ll never taste her magic.”

“Beauty may be dangerous but intelligence is lethal.”

“She is water. Powerful enough to drown you, soft enough to cleanse you, deep enough to save you.”

“Heavy is the crown and yet she wears it as if it were a feather. There is strength in her heart, determination in her eyes and the will to survive resides within her soul.”

“I wish that I could say that I am a light that never goes out, but I flicker from time to time.”

“Spoil me with loyalty. I can finance myself.”

“Shoutout to all the people with brown hair and brown eyes! We basic as fuck but we cute!”

“I feel a nap coming on.”

“Is horny an emotion?”

“I just really like thigh-highs.”

“Even though she looks innocent, she is really a perverted demon.”

“She didn’t sob or wail. Her pain was horribly discreet but as persistent and almost as silent as bleeding from an unstitched wound.”

“I don’t rise from the ashes, I make them. I’m the whole fucking fire.”

“Beautiful but destructive.”

“I’m aiming for the ‘she’s a badass and cute as hell but I wouldn’t touch her without asking’ look.”

“Loving me must be so fucking hard and I’m so sorry.”

“Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are built from it.”

“You glow differently when you’re actually happy.”

“She’s magic, that one.”

“Kicked out of Hell.”

“Red hair: the crown you never take off.”

“You’ve got a fire inside.”

“She doesn’t need a warrior, she is one. What she needs is a devout heart, and strong arms to hold her after her battles are won.”

“You are the love that came without warning: You had my heart before I could say no.”

“You want battle? I’ll give you war.”

“True evil is, above all things, seductive.”

“The Devil’s got nothing on me, my friend.”

“Haven’t I fallen far enough?”

“I’m not like them, but I can pretend.”

“I don’t like being told what to do.”

“Now I grow wings and rage, and learn how to kill.”

“Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.”

“Though she be little, she be fierce.”

“I know what this is; It’s just myself, talking to myself, about myself.”

“You underestimate my power.”

[catsbureau]

mom and the weight of the world

I haven’t wrote anything in forever. I kinda scroll back and read all those stuff I wrote and I’m surprised how much I have change. I used to see life and love in a different light. a lot of thing happened but to sum it all, I’m not in love now and haven’t been in a very long time. I did get my hard lesson about love, it was pretty bitter but I survive and still trying to survive till today. it crosses my mind to delete a posts regarding my past self but upon reading it I realize that I would love to read and see my mind progressing throughout the years. 

A lot of things change but some remains, and one of those things is how I always hated to be a mom. my niece was born on December 25,2021. Her name is Brielle. she is cute like any baby, but she is also annoying like any baby. Brielle presence make me reflect on many things in my life. I started to question why I hated to be a mom so much. is it because the mother figure I have? sadly I believe that’s one of the reason why. 

disclaimer, my mom is not a bad horrible mom but she is pretty toxic. I’m not gonna hold her accountable for everything in our relationship because in the end of the day she is a normal person that just happen to be my mom. 

She is one of those person who would never admit to their mistakes, not always just mistake that would threaten her authority as a parent. I always hated her for this trait, mostly because she always put the blame on me. no matter what I do or how I do it I’m always wrong and she is of course always right. It’s difficult to hate a family member because in the end of the day you will just forgive them for the sake of being a family. then I notice that this is a pretty toxic cycle, I wouldn’t say that I love my mom as per say, but I dislike her a lot most of the time. One of the worst things about this is I know my mom also feel the same way about me, but I could be wrong so take it with a grain of salt. At times she seems confuse as to how she suppose to treat me. she buys me stuff I like and we enjoy each other company but if we spend too much time together then it bound yo turn into an explosions of fight and argument. 

I won’t write myself as the saint here because I too aware that my response toward all this are pretty ugly. I can’t help but talk back at her, the urge to put this woman at her place is overwhelming, when arguing I don’t see her as my mom, I see her as this mad woman screaming her face red to defense her flawed argument. Most of the time she is angrier if she is wrong. I would yell back things like “ yes mom sorry I should’ve not care at all, Gosh my bad “ with those condescending tone. my mom’s face would turn beet red and she would yell “ get out of my house you bitch! don’t eat my food and stay out of my sight” 

yes pretty extreme but she does call me names a lot and now I can say I’m pretty numb to it. in fact every time she calls me name I feel a little wiggling joy in my heart like “ look at you screaming at your daughter like this, if anyone is watching I may be a rude daughter, but you’ll be a bad mom and that’s worst than anything “ I know having thinking that thought is messed up, but I find power in that. with this little messed up mindset I let go of a couple argument, sometimes I just sit and took all her yelling and screaming with no fight. 

 I do not see myself as better than her, because I do realize that obviously my behavior frustrate her and tick her. It’s just I kept thinking that whatever is her actual problem why you gotta scream of others like that ? despite all this toxicity and madness I still wanted to make her happy, provided her with a great life where she can finally rest. Maybe then she will be less angry. 

one of the best option I have is to leave this house and be my own person, we can love each other still and minus all the crazy fighting. maybe we just can’t stand seeing each other. so yea I don’t want to be a mom because I sure as hell don’t want to find out that my children secretly write a tumblr post about how toxic I am as a mom,lol

[cavehags]

i realize this will probably bring up old drama so you might not want to answer it. but do you ever regret, however on purpose or on accident, bringing all that unnecesary hate towards Katara? i'm really sad and dissapointed tbh. i'm a woman of color and katara was so important to me growing up. my favorite animated woman ever. and then this resurgence comes and theres so, so much unnecesary hatred for her and everyone ignoring everything that makes her a good character.

(2/3) 2- and you know, i expected this from the male side of the fandom. they were misogynistic to her and the others even back then so i would expect it to be even worse with how internet culture is more mysogistic now that ever. and i wasnt wrong. male atla fans had some truly horrible takes and views that just came across as racism and misogyny. but, i expected these circles to be better. to be a safe space for us woc who love this character. but i found the same weird hatred for her.

(3/3) 3-i just, i cant believe i feel less welcome now that i did even back then. and back then i didnt even paricipate really. but at least i could enjoy fandom content without stumbling into misogyny and racism every other post. also sorry for sending this to your personal blog b i just wanted to let you know you controbuted to that too even if it wasnt your intention. at least you realized that and arent contributing to it anymore right? cause honestly the hate has only gotten worse not less.

hey anon. thanks for asking this question, because i hadn’t addressed this topic previously and this gave me an opportunity to do so. 

no, i don’t regret publicly interpreting a character whom i love through a nuanced and human lens. and i don’t regret combating the one-dimensional interpretation of this character, which posits that she’s merely an vaguely defined object of attraction for some boy or another, and a singularly gentle, mature, maternal figure whose sole purpose in life is to nurture others. those interpretations suck. they rob her of the humanity and complexity that make her character unique and they stem from misogynistic tropes that reduce women to the services they can provide to men. the thing in the world that matters most to me is fighting misogyny, and this trend to diminish a proud and powerful and angry teenage girl by exaggerating only her most socially acceptable traits is misogyny. 

unlike you, i did not grow up watching avatar: the last airbender. the shows i watched growing up did not have a lot of girls who felt real to me. the girls i saw on tv growing up were simple. they were the main characters’ crushes. they were simple, desirable, usually sweet and loving, and not much else. if they had a flaw, it was that they were, at best, “awkward.” whatever that means. or if they were the protagonists, which was rare, they were nice enough and tried to do the right thing, but they never had strong feelings like resentment and anger. they weren’t allowed to be unfeminine which meant they weren’t allowed to be bitter, angry or in any way flawed. they didn’t look like the version of girlhood i knew to be true for me personally, which included a lot of anger and frustration and powerlessness. 

that crappy representation left me with internalized misogyny that chased me for longer than i’d like to admit. i did not learn to think of girls as humans who could be as interesting and flawed and messy as the boys were. i did not value myself as a girl, and later a woman, because i thought the best thing a girl could be was... bland. boring. pretty, but empty. passionless.

it would have meant the world to me to see a character like katara. 

because katara is angry. she has every right to be: she’s had so much stolen from her, including her mother, her people, and her childhood. katara has a short fuse. she yells. she snaps. she fucks up. sometimes she makes mean jokes! i never saw a single one of those dreamily perfect cartoon love interests make mean jokes when i was a kid. she is extremely idealistic--it’s her defining character trait--but we see the bad side of that as well as the good. we see that her need to help others  leads her to act rashly, to get herself into danger, to put others in danger too. 

and she has her very own arc. it’s not about her love for another person, either (what a snooze of a storyline); it’s about growing up and learning to break down some of that stubborn black-and-white thinking that we all indulge in as children. it’s a true coming-of-age arc and it belongs to a fourteen-year-old girl. 

when i, to use a phrase i find crass, “entered the fandom,” i quickly realized that other fans’ perceptions of katara did not line up with the things i valued most about her. other fans seemed to valorize her most socially acceptable feminine qualities: her generosity, her kindness, her dedication to helping others. and of course i love those parts of her--i love everything about her--but what is really remarkable about avatar: the last airbender is that katara’s many important virtues are also counterbalanced by equally significant flaws. a good character has flaws. katara is a good character, and a deviation from the characters who made up my formative media landscape, because she has flaws. her temper, her idealism, her stubbornness--these are flaws. flaws make her seem real and human and challenge the mainstream sentiment that girls are not real or human.

it simply did not occur to me that celebrating these aspects of katara that make her a realistic and well-written teenage girl would spark ire from other adult fans. it absolutely did not occur to me that i would then be blamed for somehow causing misogynistic interpretations of this character, particularly given that misogynistic interpretations of this character are the very thing i sought to correct when i began to blog about this television show.

i’m told there are “fans” on instagram and tiktok who think katara is whiny, annoying, and overly preoccupied with her trauma. i do not use instagram or tiktok, so i wouldn’t know, but i’ll take your word for it. respectfully, however, they didn’t get that from me. misogynistic takes on katara have existed since before i came along. i have never, ever called katara whiny. and seeing as i have been treating my own PTSD in therapy for nine years, you can safely conclude that i don’t think anyone, katara included, is overly preoccupied with their trauma. that’s not a thing. do i think she’s annoying? of course not! as a character, she’s a delight. does she sometimes find real joy in aggravating her brother and her friends? yes, because she’s 14. i, an adult, am not annoyed by her. sokka and toph often are, because that is katara’s goal and katara always succeeds in her goals. she’s not “annoying.” 

if there are “fans” who are indeed following lesbians4sokka and somehow misreading every single post and interpreting them to mean that we hate katara and they should too, i don’t really know what you want me to do about that. l4s has over ten thousand followers and we have already posted so many essays disavowing katara hate. our feminist and antiracist objectives in running the blog are literally pinned with the headline “please read.”

furthermore, you cannot reasonably expect my co-blogger and me to control the way our words will be received. we should not have to, and are not going to, add a disclaimer to every post saying that when we critique or make jokes about a teenage girl we are doing so through a feminist lens. our url is lesbians4sokka, and we are clearly women. if that alone doesn’t make it obvious, then refer back to that pinned post. 

it is indescribably frustrating, and really goddamn depressing as well, that people are so comfortable with the misogynistic binary of Perfect Good Women and Flawed Wicked Bitches that they perceive any discussion of a woman’s flaws to be necessarily relegating her to the latter camp. if that is how you (a generic you) perceive women, then i’m sorry, but you’ve internalized sexism that i cannot cure you of. and it’s unjust to expect my friend and me to write for the lowest common denominator of readers who have not yet had their own feminist awakenings. we do not write picture books for babies. we write for ourselves, and with the expectation that our readers can think critically. reading media through a feminist lens is my primary interest; i have no intention of excising that angle from my writing.

as i go through my life, i am going to embrace the flaws of girls and women because not enough people do. as long as the dominant narratives surrounding women are “good and perfect” and “unlovable wh*re,” you’ll find me highlighting flawed, realistic, righteously angry women in the margins. and for what it’s worth, it’s not just katara. i champion depictions of angry girls in all sorts of media. that’s sort of my whole thing. my favorite movies are part of the angry girl cinematic universe: thoroughbreds, jennifer’s body, hard candy, jojo rabbit, et cetera. on tv, in addition to katara, you’ll find me celebrating tuca and bertie, poppy from mythic quest, tulip and lake from infinity train, korra, and more. i adore all these women and see myself in them. i hope you find this suitably persuasive to establish that i have sufficient Feminist Cred, according to your standards, to observe and write about these very flawed and human fictional women. 

what i’m saying is this: i decline to take responsibility for the misogynistic discourse orbiting a children’s cartoon. as someone who writes about that series from a perspective that seeks to add humanity and nuance to the reductive, one-dimensional, overwhelmingly sexist writing that already exists, i am pretty taken aback that i am the one being blamed for the very problem i sought to address. except not that taken aback because i am a woman online, haha! and this is always how it goes for us. 

finally, i think it sucks that you’ve chosen to blame me for a problem that begins and ends with the patriarchy. i can’t control the way this response will be perceived, just like how i can’t control the way anything will be perceived because i am just one human woman, but i do hope you choose to be reflective, and consider why you’ve chosen this avenue to assign blame. 

[maldito-arbol]

It is occurring to me that the events of my life over the last 2-3 months are very much blurred together in an amalgamation of trauma and dissociation and depression and I can hardly remember me at all. Hey. Sorry. I probably need therapy.

My current update on life is: still living with a friend. It seems as though my parents are content in having abandoned me and harbor no desire to apologize nor to take me back. It’s hard to accept but by no means am I surprised, I’m simply tired. I have to rebuild my own self and my own life here, where I stand now. Rebuilding is hard, but I have to keep trying. It’s the only way I can keep myself from falling off the deep end.

In regards to work, yes I did end up quitting my job. I put in my two weeks and I served them despite them many many times tempting me to just leave and never look back—no, I stuck it out, and I earned my due pay. I thought work was hard before, but it suddenly became hell on earth once I made it known I wasn’t going to let them push me around any longer. I am still trying to understand that I deserve better, am still trying to comprehend that I CAN get better…it’s a lot. I thought if I wasn’t suffering then I wasn’t worth anything at all. And that’s just the way I was raised, the way I’ve been treated all my life from school to work to home. It took me a very long time to realize the people I was around were toxic, and when I did, I felt so sick I could almost die.

Guys, I don’t know how quite to express the way I felt and the way I feel, but I thought I should maybe give you some more insight to my life in a formal post rather than just disjointed pieces in the tags of my posts. So the long story short (though unfortunately still too long) is, I was trapped in an abusive home that eventually imploded and resulted in my eviction by my very petulant mother over a barely qualified for conversation conversation about politics. Because she couldn’t stand the fact that I didn’t want to listen to her. I’d hate to imagine how she’d react if I told her I was gay, or genderfluid of all things if she reacted this way over the fact that I lean left politically. Isn’t that incredible? After all the horrible things she’s put me through, physically, mentally, emotionally, she sees fit to kick me out because I snarled “I don’t care” when she attempted to sway me. It’s funny actually. I spent so many nights crying over something so pathetic. Maybe it’s because she’s my mother and her actions directly imply that I am a child unwanted by the one who birthed them, a child who was never truly loved or cared about in the way children dream of. That undying, uncompromising, unconditional love every human being desires. And in a perfect world it should be guaranteed by a mother, but it’s not. How cruel is it that I feel more loved by my friends’ parents than I do by my own? You know no matter what, they’ll never be my birth parents. There will always be that missing hole in my heart no matter how much I tell myself this is enough. Because I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved. And yet I crave it so much. So much that I was willing to be abused, to be put down, to be the punching bag to a miserable, uncaring woman who didn’t know the first thing about love. Even now sometimes I wonder how she’s doing without me. Does she worry? Does she feel regret? Guilt? Anything? Or does she simply go about her day thinking, “it’s no big deal, I have two more children I can ream in your stead.” As for my dad, I may hold off on getting into that whole rabbit hole, because I feel like I shouldn’t even bother giving him the time of day if he barely will even give me that. He is very very very tiring, and I fear I spent too long desiring a relationship that will simply never blossom.

I thought work was my escape. I thought that repetitive tasks would help distract me from my problems, would provide me something to live for, cause gods know I couldn’t come up with a creative reason myself. And yet, in a way, being mentally shattered once again by my mother once again taught me a little lesson about the other people in my life: if they act like my mother, they’re doing something wrong. And my boss, while different in many ways, shared a core of manipulation mastery that really should’ve bothered me from the start. And because I had been kicked out, because I’d moved in with people who genuinely cared about me, all of the sudden I saw how horribly mistreated I was at work. It was easier to write it off before, when I was treated worse at home so work felt like Heaven. But it wasn’t. It never was. How many times I fooled myself into believing it was. It’s interesting how being loved and cared about can show you just how poorly you’ve had it everywhere else. So when my sister quit because of another explosion of verbal abuse from my boss, I decided that was my final sign to throw in the towel. While she simply walked off the job, I allowed my boss to keep me for two more weeks; just to be polite, just to be professional, and I may have just shot myself in the foot in doing so. It’s quite a show manipulators will put on when they realize they’re about to lose you. When holding power and the high ground over you has been torn down, ripped away from them, you see truly the desperation, the lengths they will go to restore order and control over you. I was emotionally manipulated, gaslighted, bribed even in my final days. She had power over me almost to the bitter end, because I so nearly gave up and gave in so many times. I was emotionally broken, and I still am, but what frightened me so then was that she knew my weaknesses and she knew how to exploit them. She understood I was alone and scared and still picking up the pieces in my own life, and with that understanding came not compassion but the determination to squash me underneath her thumb. I needed a whole army of healthy people in my life to beg me not to rescind my decision, to prod and poke at me to follow through with my exit in order to ensure I made it out safely, though clearly not unscathed.

Of course I’m going to continue carrying the trauma from this, but I won’t allow it to be special. I’m going to dump it carelessly into a duffel bag stuffed with every unkind word and every bruise and hit from my mother, with every humiliation and heartbreak dealt by my teachers, with every fucking dumbshit rumor and practiced bullying technique from my peers at a whole variety of different schools and clubs and camps, with every user and moocher from friend groups past, and anything and everything that has left its lovely scar be it on my skin or in my mind. You struck me hard enough to remain for the lifelong flight? Cool. You’ll find your seat in the back with all the snot-nosed children and disappointed mothers and not a good enough view to provide entertainment for the whole trip. Eat some far too salty crackers and wonder what your life has come to. I hope you enjoy.

[omgkalyppso]

The camp was cold, and the hour was late, and still Étoile was distracted by thought, their meditation offering no true rest as the moon travelled across the sky.

They were always gullible, and they knew this came from a secluded upbringing. Their mothers having instilled in them the value of taking people at their word, and treating them with dignity and respect, and this made it hard to manifest skepticism ... self-preservation ... duplicity.

Even so, they felt justified in assuming Astarion was being truthful of his past. His rage palpable at centuries of indignity. It was beyond imaging, and brought into question his every behaviour. How much of who he was, was learned? Was true to how he had grown or had always been? Or to how he wanted to be? Surely asking any of these questions would be inappropriate, contrary to Étoile’s intention, to take Astarion at his word. Whether this behaviour were his current mask or his truth, he’d done nothing to be treated without courtesy.

Étoile thought of his hands, cradling them just so as those fangs had sunk into them, and rolled their head back to either side of their shoulders. They wondered about their own autonomy, and if it were the same. Whether their brain worm was eating away at their thoughts, feeding ridiculous theories on vampiric desire to some unknown brain creature a plane away. Whether they were being influenced, drawn and distorted, to be thinking about him so.

“Astarion?”

“Yes?”

He turned at the sound of his name, teeth flashing in the firelight. His brow was slanted in the innocence that he seemed to sometimes let slip, intentionally or not, between the layers of pomp and decorum.

“I’m sorry,” Étoile said quickly. “I do not mean to interrupt your rest.”

Astarion brought a fist to the base of his chin, and then the back of two knuckles to the front of his lips, amused. He moved his hand aside to speak, swiping the front of his thumb across his chin as he looked away for a moment, indulging in fantasies of peace and freedom. “If only you were the worst of my problems.”

With a raise and lowering of their eyebrows, Étoile signaled their agreement, letting their gaze be drawn back to the fire so that they were not hounded by Astarion’s cheekbones, or smirk, or brutal, cutting garnet eyes.

“Well?” Astarion prompted, swiping two fingers across his forehead as if to dismiss a flyaway curl, perhaps a single strand that Étoile could not see, and they realized they were looking at him again, already abandoning the safety of distraction.

If Étoile was as bold, or confident, or provocative as their mind seemed to think they were, they might suggest, ‘If I’ve lost my tongue, perhaps you might help me find it?’ But they were not. Not nearly by far.

“I find myself thinking of our problems,” Étoile conceded.

There were many things about Étoile which were extremely elven — their patience, the way they took forever to reach their point in a conversation, their keen measure of attention — but their insistence upon treating their little band as a group, a team, was not one of them.

‘Our problems,’ Astarion was tempted to snort, the prospect that what they were going through was anything but personal, isolating and devastating, should have been a joke. Yet Étoile easily sold him on it, the idea that they were earnest, that they would fight a horde, a hunter, or a vampire lord for him out of a sense of camaraderie in shared-disaster. Was this sense misplaced? Astarion couldn’t guess, whether willingly or no, he could imagine himself easily cutting these ties Étoile sought to bind. All allies had limits in their usefulness, even friends, even family, even lovers.

He imagined Étoile’s need of connection came from their human mother, or perhaps a deep inherent loneliness that those with bleeding hearts often found themselves afflicted with. Few in Faerun felt sympathy the way Étoile seemed to, annoying at times, stopping to save or offer benefit to every poor soul they passed. Astarion might have assumed that these acts of charity could have been influenced by a desire for divine forgiveness or intervention in regards to the looming fate of doom brought on by the mindflayer worms, but knew better now, after time and conversation revealed Étoile for who they were.

Wrapping his hands around his knees, Astarion leaned back to empty air. “Any conclusions worth mentioning? I rather doubt I’m the best to offer comfort, if you’re simply finding yourself distraught with thoughts of oblivion.”

“You don’t need to offer words,” Étoile assured him, and this time Astarion did laugh, too tickled by his companion’s instinct to soothe him for being unable to assuage them, and with his lips still pulled back in a smile of disbelief, Étoile clarified their meaning. “May I sit with you?”

“Come then,” Astarion called, the humor still in his voice, as if it were a thing to be dismissed, and not a danger to the both of them, to be sharing a space with a relative stranger. He exaggerated, laying his hands over his heart, “Bring your head to my bosom that we might will away your fears.”

He watched Étoile rise to their feet, their mollified expression sending some sense of unjust contentment to the pit of his stomach. They were a hulking wall of muscle and honor, a gentle soul of fear and hope, and they were moving to sit behind him so they too could lean back against him, not knowing would touch him; lest the worms were more exacting than Astarion dared to worry.

“Thank you,” Étoile said, their voice a rumble in their chest that flitted through Astarion’s dead heart.

“Mm,” Astarion hummed. “If you feel so indebted as to thank me, what would you do if I sought recompense?”

Étoile tilted their head, long hair tickling Astarion’s bare neck. “A bite?”

Astarion found himself smiling, so readily Étoile had taken to being a prospective source of strength and vigor.

“You really must be less diplomatic if you wish to suffer more frequently of blood loss,” he teased, and Étoile scoffed, an embarrassed and easy laugh that rattled the both of them with the force of it. “We faced a veritable army of enemies today,” Astarion went on, relaxed. “No, I’ve had my fill of blood for the evening … but as for my curiosity? That yet hungers.”

“Oh?” The genuine surprise Étoile had managed in a single syllable was almost insulting, and Astarion wondered whether he’d been too aloof the last time they spoke of personal histories. There had been times in Étoile’s stories of life before the worm where he hadn’t known how to react, and simply hadn’t, or had mocked from the safety of distance and indifference, but he had found himself endeared and fascinated, even before their adventures, Étoile was interesting … alluring. What they lacked in charm, they seemed to substitute with their earnest heart, and the drive to secure the strength they needed to achieve their goals. This must have tempted others, before.

“What would you ask of me?” Étoile prompted, a blush upon their cheeks, worried about how the length of their tales had gotten away from them the last time they and Astarion had spoken.

“Tell me,” Astarion suggested, haltingly, “my dear, of the last lover you left behind?”

A sigh escaped Étoile, a noise of sorrow and regret. Astarion licked his lips, wondering whether, to this, Étoile might object, the prospect of having found a favor beyond their desire to balance every perceived responsibility just as satisfying as receiving an answer.

Goading them, he rolled his shoulders against the expanse of their back. “Surely there must have been someone? More than one? A string of broken hearts behind you?”

“A woman,” Étoile answered quickly, and Astarion blinked in surprise, staring, empty, into the distant forest, ears perked to attention. “A human woman.” They swallowed, nervous and mournful, but when they spoke again their tone was bitter, “It was less disappointing than my first tryst, but still she… Her interest didn’t extend beyond closed doors.”

Astarion’s expression twisted in scorn, having expected something more akin to the joy of youth or a gentle heartbreak. “More's the pity.”

“It was her first time with…”

As Étoile considered their phrasing, Astarion opted to offer a suggestion to ease their tension on the subject. “An elf?”

Étoile chuckled. “That too.”

Astarion pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth, smiling about their circumstance. He hearkened them back to the present. “And I say again: Would that you were the worst of my problems.”

When Astarion felt Étoile begin to turn, it was faster than instinct to spin around onto his heel, facing them before they were anywhere close to looking over their shoulder.

Long, tortuous seconds provided the opportunity to pull away, but Astarion found himself still, except the way he heaved with each breath, except for how his heart beat like a man alive … as if it remembered infatuation beyond servitude, desire beyond subjugation.

Étoile smiled at him, and Astarion felt that he could sink into the earth in shame. ‘Bury me now, for I have seen all that creation has to offer, and the Hells are a mercy when compared to the loss of this moment. You will hate me come morning, and so will I.’

“I could be…” Étoile began to suggest, and Astarion huffed in amusement.

“Be a problem?” Astarion chuckled, resting one hand on his thigh to keep balance, and reaching out with his right to rest against Étoile’s collarbone. “Try as you might…” he mocked.

Their first kiss was slower than expected, Étoile twitching throughout the whole of it, as they considered jolting away, afraid they’d overstepped, afraid they’d misinterpret—

“Try harder,” Astarion whispered, allowing his plea to be covered in the grandeur of desire.

Astarion’s eyes were dark with the threat of promise, and whether by supernatural thrall or the splendor of seduction, Étoile only knew they were obliged to try again, and again, and again.

[autistic-singer515]

The Brain’s Love Confession.

Here’s my fan comic sketch version of my previous fan art of Pinky and the Brain where the Brain thinks Pinky is dead and FINALLY confessed his love for him as well as blaming himself for his actions, including abusing his friend and forcefully controlling Julia.

The Brain: “Pinky! Pinky! Wake up! Oh, please..... “

The Brain tried and tried desperately to wake Pinky up by shaking him. But it didn’t seem to be working. He didn’t seem to be breathing. His pulse appeared to have stopped. The Brain felt his stomach drop. His sad eyes remained very open and still. Losing Pinky was like the world stopped turning for the Brain. His eyes filled with warm tears. He hyperventilated that it was almost difficult for him to breath. He knew he couldn’t avoid the fact that he was responsible for his friends apparent death. There was no way he was going to back it up or take it back. It was too late to save Pinky.

Where did he go wrong?

Pinky was always the lucky one when it comes to injuries compared to the Brain. Why did he have to get killed now?

It doesn’t make sense.....

The Brain never wanted Pinky to die or leave him alone. He had been his friend ever since after he was experimented on by scientists all alone and abused.

The Brain: “no, no, no, no, no! That should’ve been me who got killed!...... I made nothing but terrible mistakes!..... Pinky, how could have been so stupid!..... I didn’t want this!.... You were always getting in the way!.....”

But the Brain stopped himself and slapped himself in the face. He knew he should be grateful for his friends rescue and his devotion for him.

The Brain: “no! Snap out of it, Brain! No more insults!....”

The Brain looked down at the unconscious Pinky tearfully. He never seen his funny friend so lifeless in his entire life. He had bruises in his body too. He never thought it would happen.

The Brain finally clutched Pinky’s hand tenderly. He rubbed it with his other hand.

Even behind the Brain’s stoic appearance, he secretly loved hearing Pinky laugh, he’s even starting to miss him saying oblivious things like “I think so Brain and replies about stupid things like replacing the P of his name with an O and if I eat myself, would I disappear?”, say nonsensical words like Narf and Poit! and do idiotic stuff like squirt whipped cream into his ears to his mouth and dance to that stupid Schmeerskahoven song. Now Pinky the only mouse who loved the Brain dearly no matter how abusive he is and stuck with him through thick and thin was gone. He’ll never see him do silly things again. The Brain’s heart stung as he looked at Pinky. He grabbed his chest so tightly.

This depressing feeling of losing Pinky really hurts the Brain. He haven’t felt that way ever since he went to hell to save Pinky 24 years ago. But this was way worse.

“What kind of friend am I?” thought the Brain tearfully. “I gambled with his love for me..... And look what I’ve done to him....”

The Brain picked his friend up and let his head settle in his arms. He took a deep breath and then exhaled, trying not to hide his feelings this time even though it wasn’t easy. But Pinky is apparently gone, so he wouldn’t be able to hear him confess to him. But the Brain felt like doing it anyway. He couldn’t bare to hold it in much longer. It got him nowhere before and it would do it again. How the Brain regretted it.

The Brain: “Thanks for saving me, Pinky...... I’ve always said mean things to you, treated you like you were inferior to me and abused you.... You always were a good friend.... I never got to tell you how I really feel.... I was too obsessed with being tough and intelligent.... I was afraid I would once again be hurt and betrayed if I tell you my true feelings..... I couldn’t be the helpless and weak little mouse I once was....”

The Brain’s tears kept running down his cheeks profusely. He angrily shook his fist. He was so angry at himself for letting his obsession get to him. He could just kick himself for that. If only he could take all of it back.

The Brain: “It’s all because of my stupid childhood trauma and my stupid obsession with world domination!....... I haven’t realized it until now that every time I bottled up my emotions, it just gradually makes me worse!..... It just frustrates me to no end!.....”

The Brain touched Pinky’s lifeless face tenderly and began to rub his cheek. He began to smile bittersweetly, thankful to have Pinky as a friend. Without him, the Brain wouldn’t learn to love again, just pure anger and hate. He wouldn’t have wanted friends after he was taken away from his family to be experimented on and then his former best friend Snowball betrayed him. He never would’ve read his Christmas list for Santa. He never would’ve saved Pinky in the jungle after he gave him the courage to brave the unknown. He never would’ve sacrificed the world for Pinky at Halloween. He never would have quit smoking or stop encouraging children to smoke. He never would’ve fight his future self just to save him from him. And most importantly, he never would’ve changed his ways after Pinky felt his and Julia’s pain. Pinky might’ve ruined his plans for world domination, but the Brain couldn’t care less. He realized that Pinky was more important to him. If only he realized it sooner, even though he did save him a bunch of times.

The Brain: “But you showed me that it’s okay to be weak sometimes.... You didn’t treat me like the world’s greatest dictator.... But a normal individual who has inner compassion..... I knew it in my heart that you would never hurt me.....”

But the Brain’s smile dropped down. He sniffled. Saying those words made his depression grow. He rubbed his cheeks to dry off his tears.

The Brain: “But I learned those lessons too late.... I’m the one who hurt and betrayed you..... I’ve become the electric cheese platter.....”

The Brain sniffled again. If only he was a better friend for Pinky. If only he hadn’t abused him. If only he hadn’t abused Julia. That got the Brain’s friend killed. If only he was aware of his surroundings before he could go that far. But it was too late to take it all back. He didn’t even deserve Pinky in the first place. The Brain finally knew that he was a bad mouse.

The Brain: “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through, Pinky..... I don’t deserve to have a friend like you.... Lately I was more selfish, cruel, bitter, angry, pathetic and even...... EVIL!......”

The Brain thought about his old friend who turned against him and the world, Snowball. He was once hurt and betrayed by him after they’ve turned intelligent, just like the cheese platter hurt him. He never thought he would sunk this low like Snowball.

The Brain: “I’ve become more like Snowball..... My jealousy towards Julia has got you killed......”

Julia feels guilty for her own actions as she watched the Brain cradling Pinky tenderly. She unfondly remembered the Brain as a heartless and abusive dictator who seemed to be deprived of any emotions and love. But boy, was she wrong. The Brain just hid his inner struggles and love inside him just so he could take over the world. He does loves Pinky. He does have emotions after all. The Brain’s empathy is what saved her from her monsterous form and the obedience chip in her ear in the first place. But Julia’s eyes filled with tears. She thought her life was going to be so perfect when she was elected senator. She never thought this would happen.

How could she have sunk much lower than the Brain?

She killed Pinky all because of her unhealthy obsession with getting rid of the Brain after he controlled her forcefully.

She sadly thought about the times she had with Pinky when she kidnapped him. She abused him the same way the Brain did all because of the obedience chip changed her mentality. But Pinky was still so nice to her despite it all. Julia knew how much Pinky saw some good in people despite his faith in them could be blind at times.

Her lips shook intensely as she thought about Pinky.

Julia: “What have I done?.... Brain, I’m so sorry.... it’s all my fault.....”

The Brain felt just as guilty as Julia as she apologized to him. He pouted and bowed his head.

The Brain: “No!... You were right, Julia!...... I’m not a genius!..... I’m a monster!..... I made you suffer the same way I have suffered long ago.... if I haven’t controlled you with my obedience chip..... Maybe none of this would’ve happened!...... I would’ve let you make your own choices!.... I would’ve swallowed my pride!.... Pinky wouldn’t have sacrificed himself to save me from you!....”

The Brain sobbed really hard uncontrollably.

Even if the Brain admitted he was wrong, Julia still felt awful for her own actions. She was just the same as the Brain. A real senator would never do those things. If only she realized it sooner before it was too late. If only she listened to her conscious constantly telling her that her actions were just as wrong as Brain’s. She sobbed uncontrollably as well. She thought of herself as a vengeful monster too.

The Brain hugged Pinky tightly as he continued sobbing gushers of tears. His tears formed a puddle on the ground. He thought about the times he had with Pinky while trying to take over the world for over 20 years like dressing up as super heroes to save the world, traveling to the North Pole, reading Pinky’s Christmas list to Santa after rejecting multiple times, saving Pinky from Snowball a few times, getting lost in the jungle, saving Pinky from being trapped in hell instead of taking over the world alone, dancing in the beach together, saving the world together to stop people from being stupid from that stupid dance from the evil intelligent cat, Pinky carrying him when his robotic son exploded, saving Pinky from his future self and being trapped in a car machine. The Brain sang a dark depressing reprise of “Bonding” to Pinky.

The Brain: “I don’t deserve to have you back!..... It’s all my fault!....”

The Brain decided to really say the big one. He never said it to anyone in his life, not even Pinky.

The Brain: “I....... I.... I.....I......”

Why was the electric shock still making him nervous to say it?

Being weak sometimes isn’t that bad.....

It’s just new for him to say it to anyone, right?....

Come on! Spit it out!

Stop trying to hide it!

The Brain let his tear fell off his eye and dropped on Pinky’s nose. The tear on Pinky’s nose reflected the Brain’s tearful face. The Brain continued to cradle Pinky.

But then Pinky’s nose wiggled, feeling the tear. His heart began to beat again. His closed his squinted, unaware of his surroundings and the unexpected cradling back and forth. He weakly opened his eyes and looked at the glistening teardrop rolling down his nose. It felt wet.

Is it raining outside?

But the dew on his nose felt very warm.

It couldn’t be rain. Rain is usually cold.

But the dew rolled down into Pinky’s mouth. He tasted it. It was salty.

Tears?

But from who?

Then Pinky felt a very warm and fuzzy embrace around his head. He also noticed that his back head was also settled onto a round belly like a pillow. His right ear felt a heart beat at the Brain’s chest. Then the hug tightened. Pinky’s eyes popped out as he was being squeezed. He also recognized that tight grip.

Could that be?.....

Pinky slowly looked up and saw that the Brain was crying for him as well as hugging and cradling him.

That is so unlike Brain to do this for him. He was usually stoic and grumpy.

The Brain couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t waste it any longer. He exhaled.

The Brain: “I LOVE YOU, PINKY!!!!.... I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORLD DOMINATION!...... THERE!.... I’VE SAID IT!......”

But Pinky did hear the Brain confess his love for him. His heart began to jump with glee. Finally! The Brain finally confessed his love for him!

How is that possible?

But Pinky didn’t bother about the logic surrounding it. He just smiled at the Brain.

He was loved. He was loved by Brain after all.

Pinky weakly pulled up his right arm. His hand touched the Brain’s cheek to rub off his tears.

Pinky: “I love you too, Brain...... Narf!.....”

The Brain heard his friends voice.

Could it be?

Is he alive?

Or was it his imagination?

The Brain suddenly grabbed his friends wrist.

The Brain: “Pinky?....”

The Brain looked down at Pinky. Pinky was smiling at him lovingly. He realized that he did heard him confess. The Brain touched his friends hand and clutched it tenderly again. He gasped happily. Happy tears were streaming down his face.

The Brain: “Pinky! You’re alive! Oh, thank goodness!”

Julia uncovered her face as she heard the Brain’s excited yells. She saw Pinky alive and well. Her heart sighed with relief. She didn’t kill Pinky after all. Happy tears streamed down her face too.

Julia: “Pinky! You’re okay!.... Bless my heart!...”

The Brain and Julia never felt this relieved in their lives.

The Brain hugged Pinky really tightly as he laughed and cried. He twirled him around. He didn’t even shy away from hugging him or denying it this time. As Pinky looked at the happy Brain, he sees him returning to his nicer self in the 90’s. And rather than speaking in an a more angry and slightly higher worn out voice, his voice became a lot calmer and deeper once again too. But Pinky had a feeling that it’s gonna be permanent this time. Their relationship is going to change for the better. Realizing this, Pinky happily hugged the Brain back.

The Brain: “For a while I thought you were a goner!... You scared me!.....”

Pinky hushed him calmly.

Pinky: “It’s okay now, Brain.... I’m here... I’m fine now....”

The Brain: “Oh, Pinky.... Oh, Pinky..... I can’t hold it back much longer..... I’m not that strong of a dictator.....”

Then the Brain finally bawls his eyes out, letting out years of repressed emotions. He cried more puddles of tears.

The Brain sobbed “I....I....I’m so sorry!...... I didn’t really m....m...mean to hurt both of you!..... I didn’t really mean to h....h...hurt anyone!..... I was such a repressed jerk!.....”

Pinky hushed him gently again.

“It’s going to be okay now, Brain.....” said Pinky reassuringly.

Julia herself wasn’t sure she should join in the hug after what she did to Pinky.

But Pinky gestures for Julia to join in the hug. So Julia joined in and cried remorsefully too.

Maybe the happy ending was all thought up by Dot who was infuriated by the overly moralistic and realistic tv executives who wanted the episode to be a sad cautionary story of Pinky and the Brain.

[riderunlove]

Guns and Ghosts 14/16(?)

Normal was more difficult than he’d hoped, because it was a new normal. Not that anyone would acknowledge the new parts. He remembered everything that he had done for Caleb- and how he had been treated there. Sometimes he flinched when Reggie threw himself at him for a tackle hug, or started looking for exits when Alex started a very frustrated rant. If they noticed his reactions, then they got twitchy. He tried explaining a couple of times, and they had just made feeble excuses and left, not ready to talk about it. It got even harder as flashes of the in between time started to come back. He stopped calling Julie “boss”, unable to stand her pained expression. They’d lived with his quiet shadow and didn’t want to be reminded of that. Undercover personas had never been his strength, but he would make this one work. He could be the version of him they needed, and he’d figure out the rest. He shoved the dark moments down, hid his nightmares, and never let on that some of the changes that made him into the ghost were permanent. There were days it was agonizing and overwhelming, but he would do what it took to protect his family-even if it was from him. It mostly worked, but nothing was foolproof. 

Last night, Julie, Flynn, Reggie and Alex had all gone to Ray’s for dinner- which he didn’t even find out about until he asked Bobby later while scrounging for leftovers. He told himself it was expected, it was almost Alex’s birthday. They always celebrated with Ray. Trevor wouldn’t have let him go anyway. He wasn’t supposed to leave the base.  He’d been wandering the halls, trying to relax enough to sleep when he’d overheard them return.  Alex had been ecstatic because he’d finally gotten to introduce Willie to Ray- and of course it went wonderfully. Luke wondered briefly if anyone had noticed his absence. 

But today was going to be great. He’d make German chocolate cake for Alex’s birthday, like he did every year. Reggie was the chef, but he was a better baker. Assuming Alex doesn’t think I'm trying to poison him, half the time he refuses to eat something if he knows it’s from me, he thought bitterly. He shoved those feelings down, if he didn’t get started he wouldn’t be finished before his spar with Reggie that afternoon. 

He wasn’t alone for long. 

“What are you up to?” Julie asked, a tentative smile on her face. 

“German chocolate cake for Alex,” he replied. A peace offering. 

“He’ll love it!  Can I help?” 

“Definitely, the recipe is a bit complicated.”

They fell into a rhythm, an easy conversation flowing as they reminisced on previous birthdays, terrible gifts and general shenanigans. 

Soon enough the cake was in the oven, and the topping was simmering on the stove, and all that was left was the clean up. The worst part of baking by far. 

He felt Julie looking at him, and he glanced up to meet her eyes. A soft smile turned into a smirk and they reached for the spoon at the same time. He grabbed it first, but she surprised him by closing her hand over his, lifting it and the spoon and smearing batter across his cheek. 

“It’s on now, Molina,” he threatened playfully. He swiped his finger through the bowl, and booped her nose, covering it in batter in retaliation. Their cake batter battle resulted in both of them covered in it, and the kitchen an even bigger mess. 

The unrestrained laughter, and Julie’s beautiful smile were more than worth it. She helped him clean up, washing dishes with her side pressed firmly against his. For a few brief moments, everything felt perfect. 

She pulled him into a gentle hug before going to a meeting and Luke headed towards the gym. He could get a couple of sets in before Reggie showed. He loved him dearly, but he was always late. 

When he arrived, Alex was already there, pretending to work out on the treadmill. Luke pointedly ignored his suspicious gaze  even as it made his skin itch. Sudden changes were difficult for his friend and he didn’t want to push him. It’s not personal. He’s always been anxious. The more times he told himself that lie, the less he believed it. He made Alex uncomfortable. He stretched, and started a short circuit workout. 

He’d completed the circuit twice when Reggie rushed in. “Sorry I’m late. I thought maybe we could use knives today.” 

A harsh cough from the other side of the room had Luke replying “I’ll pass, but you should use one. It’s good to practice with an armed opponent.”

Reggie nodded agreeably. “I’m ready if you are,” 

They started out simple, warming up muscle groups and practicing basics. Julie joined Alex, who was now just intensely observing. 

Reggie was struggling to focus and they definitely should not have been sparring with a knife. Distracted, he nearly stabbed Luke in the stomach. Unthinkingly Luke let himself phase out and the blade passed through harmlessly. 

For a beat no one moved, then Reggie’s face collapsed into guilt, “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. I could’ve really hurt you.” 

Luke forced an easy smile, “I know you didn’t mean it, and I’m fine. But I think we’re done with weapons today.” 

Reggie nodded carefully, clearly waiting for some other reaction. It came immediately.

“What the hell was that?” Alex demanded, striding towards them. 

Luke turned towards him in confusion. Dread pooled in his stomach. 

“Are you okay? Did you get hit?” Julie asked, eyebrows creased in worry. 

He opened his mouth to reassure her, but was cut off. 

“You can phase? Can you do the poofing thing?” Alex was squaring up for an argument.    

Luke nodded. The sick feeling was spreading from his gut into his chest. 

“Oh, and now you stop talking too. I thought they had a solution,” frustration and hurt colored Alex’s voice.

“To stop the flickering, so my cellular structure doesn’t degrade. The rest is permanent,” he forced his tone to stay even.

”You didn’t feel the need to tell us? How are we supposed to trust you if you are going to hide things like this?” Alex’s expression closed off. 

“That’s not fair. I wasn’t hiding it, you assumed,” he countered desperately. 

“You let us, and we both know that,” Alex snapped coldly.

“I honestly thought you knew. I wanted you guys to be comfortable,” he was pleading now. 

“Comfortable, right, as if it’s that simple. You were Caleb’s pet nightmare for over a year. Don’t forget that I saw you in the field, I know exactly what you are capable of.  After Julie found you, you were incapable of making your own decisions. You wouldn’t even eat unless someone told you to but then miraculously you wake up as yourself again? Totally believable,” bitter anger leaked through Alex’s voice. 

“So what, you think this is some elaborate scheme with Caleb? That I’m secretly here to kill all of you?” Luke knew better than to rise to the bait, but the combination of fear, pain and anger swirling in his gut made it impossible to resist. First they wouldn’t talk about it, now they were going to use it against him. 

“I don’t know what this is, because I don’t know what you are. You’re not even human anymore.” 

Luke was too stunned to formulate a reply.

“Guys, this isn’t helping anyone.” Reggie broke in, voice shaking. He always hated it when they fought. 

Shock melting into a deep hurt, Luke took a slow breath and popped to the music room, grabbing his electric. He needed to be alone and they’d never look here. His friends still thought he couldn’t play. At first he was excited to tell them that he could, but a feeling of unease had stilled his tongue. Now he was glad he’d decided to wait. It gave him a safe place to be himself and try to work through his emotions. Emotions everyone believed he didn’t have anymore- or that he wasn’t allowed to have. Fuck he was so tired of being looked at like some kind of monster. Hell, Alex had essentially just called him one. The worst part is that he wasn’t even surprised.  He flipped through his notebook until he found an empty page, and let words flow.  

He played until his fingers bled, until his grumbling stomach and shaky hands pulled him out of his spiral. He checked his phone. No calls or messages, but it was much later than he thought. He’d definitely missed dinner, but the fridge had to have some kind of leftovers. 

“I thought you might have run off, you missed the big party,” Bobby drawled. 

Shit. Alex’s birthday dinner. 

“Nah, I just needed some time to myself. Process some things.” 

Bobby shook his head and chuckled darkly. “I’ll bet. Everyone seemed pretty tense.  Never thought I’d say this, but I think they preferred you the way you were when Julie found you.” 

Luke glanced at him sharply. 

“Sure, they kept complaining about wanting the real you back, but you were a lot easier to handle when you followed Julie around like a lost puppy.” 

He rolled his eyes, and huffed a bitter laugh, but the painful seed of doubt knotted in his heart grew. 

“They left you a plate. It’s in the fridge.” 

“Thanks.” 

“I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.” Bobby said gently, studying him for a moment before rolling away. 

The plate of leftovers wasn’t the only thing in the fridge. The German Chocolate cake he’d made for Alex sat there, untouched. He cut himself a small piece and threw the rest of it away, allowing himself the petty action. 

The next morning everyone acted as though nothing had happened. “Where were you last night? You missed Alex’s birthday dinner.” Julie asked. 

Yeah and you let me, the growing doubt whispered. “I just needed some time to think, so much has changed.” Luke answered mildly. 

“You’ll tell us if you need anything, right?” She looked worried.  

“Of course.” He smiled, even as the lie burned. No one called him on it. The seed bloomed into thorns. 

[velvetthunder1999]

All the time on Earth

Part 5 - Yesterday

Summary: You and the twins open up about your families, also, George hears you singing for the first time

Warnings: None, Fluff

Word count: 2.8K

George Weasley x Reader

Featuring song: The Beatles - Yesterday

Masterlist

- Edited for grammar -

The month of January had passed with great improvements in both cases of your business and your relationship with the Weasley twins. As the first week of February arrived, you had already worked out many ways to sell either their products or your items. After classes you three — sometimes four when Lee chipped in — were sitting in the common room, discussing that week’s orders, trying not to be caught by Prefects in your year. As you were also studying for your O.W.L. exams, business hours got pushed up close to midnight.

Today was no different; Lee had already went to sleep but Fred and George were by the fire trying to finish an order, while next to them you were struggling with your Potions homework.

“Y/N,” said Fred suddenly. “Who do you think the focus should be on when taking promotional pictures?”

“Er — what do you mean?” you asked, suspicious of where this is gonna go.

“He means which one of us is more handsome,” helped out his brother George with a grin. “Is it me or Fred?”

“Excuse me?” you said.

“Y/N,” Fred continued, “I’m the more handsome one, aren’t I? The statue should look like myself.”

“Sure, if you wanna scare people away,” answered George. “Y/N knows what is the right answer, don’t you Y/N?”

He looked at you with such a sweet smile you almost fell for the trap. You snorted and raised an eyebrow.

“You know you’re twins, right? People won’t care whose picture they see,” you dodged the question. Fred was not satisfied.

“C’mon Y/N, that’s not an answer!”

“What statue are you talking about, anyway?” you asked.

“At our joke shop. When we have our own place and everything.”

“You should collect the money first before talking about statues.” you shrugged. The twins looked at you, hurt. You added quickly “Sorry, I meant that you should really finish the list for the orders, I’ve been waiting to check that for three days!”

“Well, we’d have finished it already if we knew when we’re gonna get our money back,” muttered Fred, looking at his brother. George shot a sharp look at him to make him quiet. They had a staring contest, then looked at the parchment in front of them in one motion.

“What is it?” you asked, having no idea what was going on. “What are you two doing?”

The twins locked eyes again, then said in perfect unison, “Nothing.”

You put down the quill and turned to them with your whole body.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me if it’s not my business. But if it affects the orders then I have a right to know, because it’s partly my job to solve our problems.”

Fred and George made the exact same face of deliberation. Then George nodded slightly and Fred took it as a sign to speak.

“Do you know Ludo Bagman who was here watching the first task?”

“Of course I know him,” you said. “He tried to make me place a bet but I said no.”

“Well, good, cause he would’ve scammed you, too,” continued George. “We were at the Quidditch World Cup last summer and bet all of our money. And we won.”

“We said the Irish would win but Krum will catch the snitch,” took over Fred. “We were right, but he paid us fake money. First we thought it was a mistake and talked to him after the first task. He said he’s sorry and that he’d make it right. We’ve been waiting ever since.”

“Wait, what?” you asked, feeling shocked. “Are you telling me he stole your money?”

“Well — ”

“Well, yes!” Fred interrupted his brother. “He stole it and we need to write him a letter about it. Saying we’d take it to the Ministry.”

“I agree, but we can’t be too reckless,” George shook his head. “He’s working at the Ministry, after all!”

“Yeah, will figure out somethin’. Till then, tell us Y/N, how stupid that makes us look.”

He shot a smile at you but there was hardly any joy in it. His tone was just as painful and ashamed as George’s eyes were suggesting. You took a deep breath. You were furious, but also felt sorry for the boys.

“Can’t your father do something about it? He’s working at the Ministry, too.”

“Dad’s not as highly ranked as you might think,” said Fred.

“And we don’t really want to tell him what happened, either,” George casted down his eyes.

“I see,” you said.

Fred suddenly slammed the table so hard it made you jump and your ink bottle fell on the floor.

“I’m so sick of being penniless! Always struggling with money even when we’d win a bag of galleons! I hate all the hand me down books! I hate these fucking old robes! I hate how hard we work and there are no results! Everyone treats us like kids and when we could really do something we’re still being told off!”

He burried his face in his palms, taking deep breaths. George stood up quietly and sat down next to his brother, placing one hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Freddie. We’ll make it, trust me. We just need a little more time.”

“I can’t.”

You watched the two of them sitting together, comforting each other and suddenly loneliness came over you. They reminded you of what a real family looks like. Also, you felt like you just witnessed something not many people do. You had no idea they were struggling this much.

“I’m really sorry,” you said, almost whispering.

Fred looked up, almost as if he just realized that you were still watching. A sad smile appeared on his face.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

He let out a dark chuckle.

“We might end up at the Ministry, after all. Cleaning the floors.”

“Mum would be happy we got in,” said George sarcastically, trying to cheer up his brother a bit.

“Sure. Mums and their expectations, am I right Y/N?”

He looked at you, nothing but bitterness in his eyes. If he was waiting for an answer that you didn’t know. Your lip trembled.

You had never talked to anyone about your home, really. No one seemed to notice and you didn’t mind. Your friends… Even Ginny didn’t know the whole story and you had known her for years. You were only with the twins for a little more than a month. Still… something seemed to change. All three of you felt so vulnerable in this moment. You wanted to tell them. You wanted them to know.

“My… my mum hasn’t talked to me in five years.”

You had never said it out loud like this and the realization hit you like a slap in the face. You felt like you were chocking on your own breath. The twins looked at you, stunned. You had told George bits and pieces, but you’d never told him everything. But it wasn’t just George. You wanted Fred to understand, too. You wanted both of them to see. And you wanted to have someone in your life who finally sees the whole picture.

“When I got my letter, my mum was so angry she claimed she no longer had a daughter,” your voice was shaky and filled with pain. You just hoped you wouldn’t cry. “My parents are strongly against everything that’s related to anything unusual. Anything out of ordinary, anything abnormal. So when we realized I’m a witch, and every magic I did before made sense now, she looked at me with so much hate in her eyes… I know I’ll never forget that. She said I am her greatest disappointment and she wished I was never born. Then went silent and whenever I’m home she doesn’t even acknowledge my existense.”

You stared at one of the legs of the table. You realized it was easier to talk that way.

“My father wanted to send me away. Have me fixed. I didn’t agree. I came here instead. I… I read about what muggles did to witches in the past. And whenever I’m home, I… I sleep with my wand and lock the door from the inside because I’m… I’m… I’m scared they’ll… they’ll do something to me.”

You didn’t cry but you were close to it. You swallowed your tears, still looking at the table, scared to look at the twins. You weren’t sure at all, what their reaction would be. Maybe it would be easier, never getting to know it. Maybe you’d just stay here forever, fixating on the leg of the furniture.

“Y/N…” George’s uncertain voice finally made you look up. The twins were just sitting there, obviously having no idea how to express what they’re feeling.

“Holy shit, Y/N” said Fred too.

“I’m sorry if I overshared,” you said with a half smile, mostly to defuse the tension.

George got up again but this time it was you who he sat down next to. His knee almost touched yours as he turned to you and hesitantly looked into your eyes. You carefully leaned closer to him and he welcomed you in his arms. He hugged you softly, almost as if you were going to break. On his robes you felt a nice scent that reminded you of fireworks.

The hug was short but you still felt like it lasted for years. You almost didn’t let go as he pulled away. Fred was still looking at you, quite heartbroken. Then finally, he spoke, more seriously than you had ever heard him talk.

“Y/N, I want you to know that if you need us, we’ll be here for you. Anytime. We mean it. Right, Georgie?”

“Absolutely.” George said, kindly smiling.

“Thank you,” you said. “And I want you to know that I will be helping you with anything you need. I’ll be the best business partner you’ve ever met.”

Your cheerful tone seemed to return but Fred shook his head.

“No, I don’t think we’re business partners anymore,” his smile was also real this time.

You looked at him, confused. George put an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.

“We’re friends, Y/N,” said the boy. “You can’t get rid of us now.”

——

George was heading back to the common room with his brother after giving McGonagall’s message to Ron and Hermione. Tomorrow was going be the second task, and they had just finished writing down the bets of a large group of Ravenclaw boys. It was almost curfew and he and Fred didn’t have anything special in mind this time so they decided to head back and see if you’re up to playing a game of Exploding Snap.

You were almost like one of them now, apart from the color of your hair, of course. They loved having you around. You were like the secret third behind everything they did. You didn’t like the spotlight, but planned pranks and orders so brilliantly, the twins were often left speechless.

As George entered the common room with Fred behind him, he automatically searched for you with his eyes and grinned when he saw you sitting at a table. You were clearly busy with your homework so the twins decided to lay low until you would approach them as soon as you finished.

Quite a lot of people were already gone to sleep, but there was still a few kids playing around; a bunch of girls were flipping through the pages of a magazine, some boys were exchanging chocolate frog cards, and George also recognized Dean Thomas not far from you, quietly playing some gentle tunes on his guitar.

He turned back to Fred who was now emptying his pockets, ready to get his quill and write down the bets the Ravenclaws had placed.

“We should do another round tomorrow before the task,” said Fred. “Get as much as possible.”

“All right,” said George, barely paying attention. He was watching you, as you smiled while glancing over to Dean and his guitar.

“Good news is, we almost made double compared to last time.”

“Brilliant,” said George, feeling dizzy.

You started talking to Dean but you were sitting too far away from George to hear what you were talking about. Dean nodded and said something back with a cheerful expression. George furrowed his brows at the sight of you laughing. Was Dean saying something funny to you?

“Anyway, let’s do…”

He wasn’t paying attention to Fred anymore. He even raised his head to see you better, when you sat closer to Dean. You two seemed to be discussing something, then Dean started to play his guitar, this time more loudly and firmly. Then your face completely changed and you started singing the sweetest melody George had ever heard. Yesterday All my troubles seemed so far away Now it looks as though they're here to stay Oh, I believe in yesterday

It felt like as if everything had disappeared from the room and it was only him, you and the song. He had never heard this song before, he still felt as he’d known it his whole life.

Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be There's a shadow hangin' over me Oh, yesterday came suddenly

No, he’s not the man he used to be. This was a muggle song, this was a song from your previous life and he wanted to know everything about that life and you.

Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

No, he cannot let you go. Your voice was the only thing keeping him alive. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t a well-trained voice, and that made it real. That made it touch his heart.

Yesterday Love was such an easy game to play Now I need a place to hide away Oh, I believe in yesterday

No, it wasn’t an easy game now. Maybe after the ball. But now he had too much to loose.

Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

He cannot let himself say anything wrong. He cannot ruin this.

Yesterday Love was such an easy game to play Now I need a place to hide away Oh, I believe in yesterday

As you finished the last line, some of the people in the common room started clapping and you smiled at them gratefully. Dean was bowing playfully then continued playing his quiet tunes. George couldn’t take his eyes off you. His heart was so full he didn’t even know how to handle this feeling.

“Oy!”

Fred clapped in front of his face and George jerked awake in a second. He didn’t even realize he zoned out the whole time.

“Wake up George, what’s gotten into you?”

George didn’t say anything. With a lot of effort he turned his head away from your direction and looked at Fred.

“What?”

Fred didn’t answer. He was looking at his twin quite suspiciously. Then looked at the direction George had been looking a second ago. He only saw you, sitting at the table. The he looked at his brother’s dazed face again. George seemed like he was drunk. Then Fred looked at you again. Then something clicked and he turned to George with his whole body, his jaw dropped in shock.

“You like her!”

“W — What?” said George again, this time with his full attention on Fred.

“You like her, you git!” said Fred again, this time laughing.

“W — no, stop —”

“Georgie…!”

“Stop calling me Georgie —“

“I can’t believe you like her!” said Fred happily, hitting his brother’s shoulder.

“Shh! Quiet!” hushed him George while anxiously checking if you heard him or not. “She doesn’t need to know!”

“What?” said Fred in disbelief. “Are you mad? You have to tell her!”

“No, I don’t, and lower your voice, Fred!”

“Why?” now Fred was concerned. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, everything’s peachy,” he answered in a sarcastic tone. “I can’t tell her, she’s my friend!”

“Yeah, and two months ago we didn’t even know her.”

“No — listen. After the ball I might’ve had a chance to ask her out. If she said no it wouldnt’ve mattered. But we promised to be there for her, what if I tell her now and it’ll be awkward afterwards? I don’t wanna ruin this for any of us.

“Also, she’s helping us with the sales.”

“What? Yeah, sure, that, too.”

Fred had a large grin on his face.

“C’mon Georgie. You’re just looking for excuses.”

“Maybe I am.”

“Why?”

“What why, I just told you! I — I don’t wanna risk not having her around anymore because I was a sappy idiot.”

“But if you actually asked her out — ” Fred started but George didn’t let him finish.

“Let’s not talk about this for now, all right? I’m not even sure it’s gonna last. I probably wake up next week, forgetting I ever liked her.”

“Sure, cause that’s how you are,” muttered Fred skeptically.

George didn’t answer, he turned his full attention towards counting the money on the table. He had to force himself not to look in your direction — or not to hit Fred in the face to make him stop grinning.

[seance]

2020 content creator tag

RULES: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions! 

finally got around to do this, terribly late i know and i’m sorry but i swear i wasn’t ignoring all the incredibly talented people who tagged me! thank you so so much for thinking of me guys ♡ probably lost some @ in the process cause my notifs are a mess. @goinesjennifer @juliesmolina @faeryglass @almondchestnut @olisgifs @andyoudoctor @yenvengerberg @iridescentides @juliesmolinas 

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: god, i already said this but giffing really became my #1 coping mechanism this year so i have a LOT of stuff just from this year. the first one is this THE WITCHER INTRO CARDS gifset and the most recent is actually my julie’s gifset from yesterday but i’m not satisfied with it so! i’m gonna say this KLAUS AND FIVE PARALLELS gifset instead.

one of your favorite creations from 2020: oof, this is super difficult because i get attached to most of my creations, even if they don’t come out as i initially hoped. i’ll go with this five gifset BIRDS HOVER THE TRAMPLED FIELD just because it’s a perfect example of a rare occurrence aka when both my inspiration and my vision and my skills align and i manage to create something exactly how i first imagined it. and also because i think there’s not better fitting poem for this man.

a creation you’re really proud of: i have a few but maybe this ODE TO NUMBER FIVE gifset just because i had a very specific vibe i wanted to give off and i think i managed alright with the colors, texture and design choices! and then i can’t not mention this YOU WERE ALWAYS GOLD TO ME gifset just because i literally poured all my heart into it. this song and these people mean so so much to me.

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: my style really evolved at the speed of light starting july and i still can’t believe the things i learned once i just let myself try. i keep having new ideas and trying really hard not to dismiss them and see if they work out, telling myself it’s okay if they don’t! i think this ALLISON HARGREEVES gifset basically has it all: the blending, the font work, the shape play. or even this JATP + BODIES OF WATER type of style, complex blending such as this one WILLEX SUPERSTAR is slowly becoming my trademark and i’m not mad about it, i love playing around with fonts like i did in this ALEXREGGIE gifset even if i know it gets really crowded and hard to read sometimes, or even with lines and block of colors like i did here JATP BORN FOR THIS, i finally got back to play around with textures JATP SCRAPBOOK and even JATP DISCOGRAPHY i also tried my hand at creating entire new “atmospheres” playing with specific visual choices like i did in the HARGREEVES AS PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS set.

your favorite coloring: okay you guys know coloring is easily my favorite thing to do in the world and i’m usually pretty proud of every outcome because i remember how difficult it was for me, for years i thought i would never learn but i still did it, all by myself just keeping trying like a madwoman lmao basically all my the umbrella academy gifset are my pride and joy because did you see that show? how shitty the lighting is? gifmakers need a miracle every single time. so i’m gonna list a few that i still look at fondly ♥

THE SEVEN HARBINGERS OF THE APOCALYPSE

WILLIE AND CALEB 

YOU CAN SET YOURSELF FREE (HARGREEVES)

SEASON ONE FAVORITE EPISODE

ALWAYS GOLD TO ME

THE OLD GUARD + RICHARD SIKEN

a creation that took you forever: basically everything i do ahah just because one way or another i always get stuck on something for hours at end be it the fonts or the colors or the scene choices. but i’d say this STRONGER + HAGREEVES SIBLINGS gifset just because my inspiration went off and i decided i wanted to try a bunch of different techniques all at once and my brain didn’t let me rest until i did it all. to think it all started with just that “everyone will know me by a different name” line, oh my god.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this VANYA + HER SIBLINGS LOVE gifset with 15.406 notes that i kinda hate because what’s up with that font? and the ugly coloring?! totally gonna remake this one because they deserve far better.

a creation you think deserved more notes: oh my god deep down i want to be selfish and say so many because that number never really match the effort i  put in most of my gifs but i’ve also learned not to get too bitter about that, few people rb it, even fewer people comment on it but those people are worth more than anyone else. if i had to chose i’d say either the ALWAYS GOLD TO ME set just because it means so much to me, this ALEXREGGIE set that was so fun to make and i love how the colors and the font work came out, this VANYA + EMPATHY set, and this SWEETIE LITTLE JEAN one.

a creation with a favorite scene/quote: i rarely do actual, canonical quotes and i never use just one scene gsjds- so i’ll go with this DIEGO + LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY one even if i don’t like the font and again ALEX&REGGIE being themselves.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: considering i was already the umbrella academy and the witcher obsessed i’d say the old guard (YOU KNOW ME WELL) and julie and the phantoms (FAVORITE FRIENDSHIP)

a creation you made that breaks your heart: oh, if you know me even one bit you also know i thrive on angsty feelings, they’re usually my main inspiration not gonna lie so choosing is not that simple! again, this KLAUS AND FIVE parallels gifset because of the sheer tragedy of their lives, this SWEETIE LITTLE JEAN five gifset, this KLAUS HARGREEVES one and this I WANNA BE NUMB AGAIN, this DEAR FORGIVENESS, YOUR BOOKER because this man is a walking tragedy (and this PIECES OF ME DIE ALL THE TIME too for good measure) and then this HARGREEVES SIBS + DAUGHTER gifset.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: i have brainworms and once i’ve learned how to do something i never manage to come back to the things i did before so i’ve rarely made “simpler” things lately. maybe this JATP + TIMES OF DAY still qualify.

a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): this FAVORITE JATP CHARACTERS with the circle text inspired by this gifset by the loml @evakant // this JATP ROLES with the triangles technique inspired by this work of art by @anya-chalotra and this WARRIOR JULIE set with the text layout inspired by a lovely gifset that now seems to be deleted :(

a favorite creation created by someone else: i love everything my mutuals make but there are some people who really pushed me to always learn more and their gifs are still my absolute favorite thing to date. for example: this THE OLD GUARD TAROTS set by @milkovivhs // this incredible HARGREEVES SIBLINGS one by @yenvengerberg // this GERALT OF RIVIA masterpiece by @anya-chalotra // this CROWLEY set by the queen of colors herself @meliorn

some of your favorite content creators from the year: really too many to count, my mutuals inspire me every single day, the keep my creativity alive and seeing their creations on my dash is always such a treat! so, all the above for sure and then: i‘m stupidly proud of @sunsetscurving i saw her grow into the giffing process with such speed and such vision, everything she does is so pretty, but all my mutuals are incredibly talented. they don’t do anything half-assed, everything they do perfectly mirrors their efforts! @captainheroism @emeraldphantoms @nora-reid @amandaseyfried @rockyblue @juliesmolina @juliesmolinas @lettersdeeplyworn @jakeperalta @kennyortegas @merceralexs @alexreggieluke @calebcovington @andyoudoctor @almondchestnut @iridescentides @number5theboy @evakant

 and for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love: excluding all the above i’ll go with

JATP FAVORITE QUOTE  

HARGREEVES AS GREEK DEITIES 

YOU ARE HERE TO RISK YOUR HEART

THE JATP GEMSTONE SERIES x / x

SOBRIETY IS OVERRATED

AMOR C’HA NULLO AMATO

IF MEMORIES COULD BLEED

this took me so long that everyone else already did it before me so i don’t think i can tag anyone, if you’re reading this and feel like doing it please feel free!

[harrystyleswatermelon-sugar]

The assistant

„Miss Y/L/N, I can´t bring any of the other women here, when they would hear who the client is…they would freak out. I know you hate being the plenipotentiary and to certify the purchase contract outside of the notary…but you literally have no choice,” my boss says and I sigh. I know he is right and I know I have to go, but I don´t want. I hate it. I like being in my office, having no contact with strangers and do my thing.

“I can do it, I think. But who is this mysterious famous client? Bon Jovi? The Queen?” I ask and laugh a bit my boss rolls his eyes at me and I stop laughing. Sometimes I forget what a jerk he is and try to be myself.  

“It´s Harry Styles, you know him?” he asks and hands me the file. I flip through the pages until I find the draft. He buys a huge mansion in Hampstead Heath. Its value is £8.5. million and I gasp at the numbers. So much money.

“Yes, I do know him. I like his music, but I am not an obsessive fan,” I answer my boss´s question and he nods.

“I thought so, okay the appointment is tomorrow at 10. We are meeting at his house. Please dress formal,” he says and I nod. Normally I just wear denim and a nice top, but with someone this range, I understand that we have to look presentable.

 The next morning, I am indeed a bit nervous. It is not every day that I have to accompany my boss or meet a famous singer. I look at myself and nod in agreement. This is perfect. I chose a formal tight fitted dress in dark blue with a brown blazer and brown shoes. I put on some makeup and took the time to curl my hair, so it falls in flowy waves over my back.

Last night I googled our client and to be honest, I am pretty excited to see him. He seems nice and very attractive.

My boss collects me at our law firm and we drive to Harry Styles house. I carry Harrys file with the certificate and my bag. Mr Smith holds in front of a gate and presses a small button. No name is on the sign, but I think that is for safety reasons. The gate opens and I wonder, why he opens without checking who we are but then I see a small camera and realise, he sees us.

As we walk to the front door, it opens and I see him. He is beautiful, just stunning. Mr Smith shakes his hand and introduces me.

“This is Miss Y/L/N. She will sign the contract for the seller, he can´t be here today. She is authorized to do so,” Harry smiles at me and shakes my hand as well. He is tall and his eyes are sparkling, wandering over me.

“Hello, very nice to meet you,” he says and I smile back at him.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr Styles.” he leads us into his house and we sit down at the huge dining table. He already set up some glasses, water and cookies. They look hand-made, did he really bake?

Mr Smith explains Harry how it will work and starts reading the contract. He has to do so, but I don’t need to listen. I look around me and wonder how it is to be living in such a huge house all by yourself. It must be very lonely.

I see some guitars next to a piano, some sheets with notes and a few books. The room is dominated by a huge couch and a Flatscreen. In the corner, there is a fireplace and everything looks fancy and expensive. I look at my hands, my not so fresh manicure and I suddenly get embarrassed of myself. I am usually not self-conscious but in front of this gorgeous human being, I suddenly am. I get a bit nervous and Harry seems to notice, that I am not as comfortable as before. His eyes look a bit concerned and he cuts Mr Smith off by asking me:

“Are you okay?” I turn red and nod.

“Yeah, everything´s fine,” I answer and smile at my boss, scared that he might get upset. Sadly, I don’t have the best relationship with him, he often gets really annoyed and shouts at me. I am his personal assistant after all, but he is an idiot. If he wants something, he can be really nice but otherwise he usually is an idiot.

Harrys eyes follow mine and he looks at my boss. Mr Smith raises an eyebrow at me and I bite my lip. Oh god, I think I will be in trouble. He continues reading the contract as I can feel, that Harry is still looking at me. I avoid looking at him and stare at my hands.

Mr Smith finishes reading and shows Harry, where he has to sign. Harry does what he has to do and then it is my turn. I look at his hand, as he hands me the pen and smile at him.

“Thanks,” I mumble under my breath and he smirks, touching my hand on purpose as I take the pen. My hand is shaking a bit and I know, that both men notice it.

“I just check, if my information is alright,” I say and flip to the correct site. I read the paragraph and nod. Then I sign right under Harry and hand everything to Mr Smith. He signs and puts everything back into the file, so I can make an official document out of it, when we are back.

“Mr Styles, it was a pleasure meeting you. I think we will head back now and don’t bother you anymore,” Mr Smith says and I am eager to control the reflex and not roll my eyes. He is so over the top friendly, that I cringe. It is disgusting. Harry notices it too and snorts inhumanly. He shakes his hand and then smiles at me, as he says:

“It was nice meeting you too. Have a good day,” he takes my hand in his as Mr Smith walks already out the door.

“Maybe somewhere else,” Harry winks at me and I beam at him. He is flirting with me! With me!

“I doubt that. I don’t think you hang around the same places as I do,” I answer and he shrugs his shoulders.

“You never know, Y/F/N Y/L/N…I will find you, in a not creepy way hopefully,” we both laugh and I look at my boss, who is waiting for me.

“I have to go, he will get mad,” I say and let go of his hand.

“Don’t let him treat you under your value. No one deserves that,” I hear Harry say and walk to the car.

“Was about damn time, what did you two talk about?” my boss asks me and I better get a good reason, or I will definitely be in trouble.

“He wanted to know what the next steps are,” I say and buckle my seatbelt in. I look at Harry, as we leave and he smiles at me. I am a bit sad, that I will probably not see him again, he is really gentle and nice.

 A few weeks later I get a call in my office from our front desk.

“Hey, Y/N. Here is a young man in the line who wants to talk to you. He says his name is Selyts but I couldn’t find anything on him” I laugh and immediately get what happens here. My heart skips a beat and I tell Mary, it is alright.

“White Horse Solicitors and Notary Public, my name is Y/L/N, how can I help you,” I say my usual line, as I am not 100% sure it is Mr Styles.

“Hello Miss Y/L/N. This is-“I interrupt him, because as I hear his voice, I am sure.

“Mr Styles, hello,” I say and he laughs surprised.

“Oh, I was able to fool the lady at the front desk, but not you. I´m not surprised, you figured it, when you heard the name, right?” He asks and I grin. He is such a flirt.

“Yes, I knew it immediately. How can I help you?” I reply and lean back in my chair.

“Well honestly…I just wanted to hear if everything is going it's way?”

“Yes, sure. We sent everything away and I think there will be the announcement of registration and then it is officially yours. As soon as you pay,” I explain to him over the phone. He laughs and I can imagine how his eyes squeeze and I shake my head. He is a fucking client, get your shit together Y/N.

“That shouldn’t be a problem, as long as I get a receipt. So, I don’t need to come to the office or anything else? That´s just it?” he asks and I smile sadly.

“That´s just it. No need to come here, besides my colleagues would freak out if they saw you,” I warn him and hear him laughing once again. His laugh is really cute – oh, stop it Y/N!

“So that’s why you were here? Because you don’t care who I am?”

“Uhm…well, at least I can be professional, what doesn’t mean I don’t care. Please hold on a minute, Mr Smith is coming in” I say just as my boss enters my office, of course without knocking. Before I can put Harry on hold, he already shouts at me.

“Miss Y/L/N, what the fuck did I say about putting the pieces IN. THE. RIGHT. ORDER. Into the file? Is it really that you are so stupid, you don’t even get the simplest thing right? Can you even brew a proper coffee? Probably not, I know why you aren’t a lawyer, because you are just to damn stupid to put the papers in the correct order!” his voice is bitter and he looks so pissed, that I just stare at the ground ashamed. I am sure, I put them in the right order, so it has to be someone else´s fault, but blaming someone else wouldn’t make this better.

“I´m sorry, Mr Smith. I will take care of it,” I mumble and he throws the file at the carpeted floor. Papers fly around and the cover rips open. It will take me at least three hours to get this massive file in order again. Great, I had planned to meet a friend after work. I guess I can quit that now. My boss slams the door shut when he leaves and I get on my knees to collect the papers. I suddenly remember the phone and gasp. I forgot to put Harry on hold, he probably heard everything and I run back to the phone.

“Shit, shit, shit!” I mutter as I see, that the red light is still out. It should be on, to prevent the caller from listening.

“Mr Styles? I´m back…do you have any more questions?” I say and I really hope he didn’t hear anything from the previous conversation.

“No, I mean…yes…what happened?” he asks and I can´t possibly tell him what happened.

“Oh nothing, everything´s fine here. It´s just a bit stressful, I am going to work overtime today, that´s all,” I answer and close my eyes. Hopefully he buys it.

“Okay, then have a good evening and don’t work too much. Don’t forget to eat and don’t let your boss get to you. You are awesome,” he says and I turn bright red. He is so nice, I can´t handle it.

“Don´t worry. Bye, Mr Styles. It was nice meeting you” we say our final goodbyes and as I hang up, I bury my face in my hands. Oh, dear god.

The whole new organization of the file takes way longer than expected. It turns out, someone messed up the whole file and it is one of the biggest we have. At 11 PM I am devastated, hungry and tired. Good thing is, tomorrow is Saturday so I can sleep as long as I want.

I let my head sink on my desk onto all those papers and sigh. This was such a hard day and it is not yet over. I still have a few papers to organize and I flinch, as someone knocks on my office door. Everybody left hours ago, I thought I was alone.

“Who´s there?” I ask and hope I look at least half presentable. The door opens and I see Harry Styles lurking around the corner. He smiles as he sees me and I sit straight up.

“H…ello Mr Styles. What are you doing here? It is the middle of the night,” I say and rescue myself by turning the original H from Harry into the H from hello.

“Hello, love. I thought you might be hungry and overworked, so I brought you some food and company,” he says and I smile. Too sweet, but why? I don’t even know him.

“Thank you, that’s so nice of you. But really not necessary, you are our client. You shouldn’t be here,” I answer and he presses his lips together.

“Look, Miss Y/L/N. I heard your argument with Mr Smith and I noticed, that you are afraid of him. I thought I am coming around and show you some appreciation of what he clearly doesn’t do, so this is for you. If you want me to leave, that´s fine…I will. Just take the food and be sure your work is greatly appreciated,” he says smiling and puts the bag on my desk.

This is the nicest thing someone has done for me in a long time. This is amazing and so thoughtful of him. He turns around and walks to the door.

“Wait…would you like to eat with me?” I ask him and he turns half around, smiling.

“Sure, I´d love to. But please call me Harry,” he suggests and I put the files and papers away. He sits down in front of my desk and gets out all the stuff he bought.

“Oh god, Mr Smith will kill me…but my name is Y/N,” I reply and sit down. We eat together, talking about the contract and my boss.

“I am not allowed to talk about such things, but you are right. He is horrible,” I just reply to his question.

“Why do you work here, then? I think you could work anywhere you want. I bet you have a good education,” he assumes and I nod. He is right, my education is pretty good.

“I don’t know, maybe I am afraid of changes,”

“Change is good, really. We need change. You clearly need it.” He answers and I look at him. His green eyes never leave mine until I break the eye contact and sigh.

“I don’t know, I´m always so afraid,”

“Don’t be. Just do it, be brave. It´s worth it,” he says and I roll my eyes at him. Sure, being brave sounds good, if you have a fortune and don’t care about any normal job.

I get up and begin collecting the waste, to throw it away.

“I am not brave at all,” I finally answer and look at him. He gets up from his chair and sees directly into my eyes. His hands are on my arms, as he now says:

“Then be it. Just try. What would you do, if you´d be brave and would care less about this job?” he asks me and I can´t look away. I would kick the file from my desk, kiss Harry, fuck with him on my desk and then go home and face my boss with no fear on Monday. But I know I´d never do one of those things.

“Do it. Whatever you are thinking now, do it,” he requests and I look over to the file on my desk. He is right, I should just be brave and do it and don’t care about this job. I will find another one, definitely. I smile shyly, move to the file and throw it on the ground. It feels good. Really relieving.

“Very good, I am proud of you!” Harry cheers and I laugh.

“Felt good?”

“Hell yes. You are right, I should do what is best for me, not for the company. I will quit, I wanted it for so long, but I was afraid,” I tell him and he nods.

“If that is what you want, yes. Do it.” He supports me and I think about how a stranger is capable of getting me to the final point to quit. My eyes meet his and I decide, to just do it, like he said. I walk over, grab his face with both my hands and press my lips on his. He immediately grabs my hips and pushes me backwards onto my desk. Two hearts, one idea. I rip off his shirt and he pulls mine over my head.

Sometime later, we both look at each other, swollen lips and panting. His chest is covered in sweat and I can´t believe I just got fucked by Harry Styles on my office desk. And it was damn good.

“That was…unexpected. I did not plan for this to happen,” Harry says out of breath and I grab my undergarments, to get dressed again.

“Well, it did happen,” I reply shy all of a sudden. Being naked in front of someone like him, who has seen models naked makes me insecure. As fast as I can, I put my dress back on and skip sliding into my thighs. I just shove them into my bag.

“Hey, look at me, Y/N.” he says with a calm voice and as I turn around, he comes to me. His eyes wandering over my face, when he takes my hands in his. He is in his briefs and his Shirt, but no pants yet. I look up and meet his green, mesmerizing eyes.

“This was not wrong. I want you to know that I came here to be close to you, to get to know you. I didn’t mean for this to happen right now and here, but it just shows that you feel the same as I do and that’s unbelievable. I want to date you, in private, no cameras, no media, just the two of us. How does that sound to you?” he asks and I can see the hope in his eyes. I am not sure, it is so unprofessional to date a client, but I like him. I do. He is so friendly and nice and to be honest, I already had a crush on him, before I met him but knowing him a bit better now…I am absolutely falling for him.

“I´d like that very much, yes,” I reply and smile at him.

“That´s good news but from now on, we take it slow okay? This happened, but I will date you the normal way, like any regular guy does,” he proposes and I laugh. As if he is a regular guy, but I just nod and hug him. He is so warm and his hug is very comforting and he smells amazing.

 Four months later Harry and I are still dating, I quit my job after we met in my office and found a new job almost immediately. I get more salary, have a nicer work environment and it is closer to my home.

Until today we have been very secretive about our dating and mostly kept it out of the media. Here and there we were papped leaving a restaurant or just strolling around, but there is no evidence, that we are really dating.

“You, ready, love?” Harry asks and enters his bedroom. I am standing in front of the mirror and checking my appearance again and again.

“No, I don’t know. Maybe I should wear the other dress, I am scared this won´t look good next to your suit,” I whine and feel his arms snaking around my waist. Today is the day, we are going public. It is the world premiere of his new movie and he asked me to join him on the red carpet.

“You look absolutely beautiful, don’t worry,” he assures me and kisses my cheek. I look at us in the mirror. His suit is plain dark grey and he looks so good in it, it should be forbidden. My dress, on the other hand, is a sparkly dark red one with no straps or sleeves.

“I am so scared, what if your fans won´t like me? What if it would´ve been better to hide me?” I ask and look at the ground, as he turns me around in his arms.

“Darling, Y/N. I love you with all my heart and I mean it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I am not leaving you, if my fans don’t like you. Which will not happen. There is nothing to not love on you,” he says and I smile at him. He just said that he loves me. I mean, I figured it but it is the first time one of us said it out loud.

“You love me,” I say and he giggles, resting his forehead on mine.

“I do. I love you,” he repeats and I kiss him passionately. My heart is about to explode and I just want to be near him, hold him, smell him.

“I love you too, Harry,” I reply and look at him. He hugs me and I press my body against him, clinging to him as if I am going to drown without him.

When we arrive at the premiere venue Harry takes my hand, as soon as we are out of the car.

“Just never let go, okay?” I beg him and he nods smiling.

“Never,” his voice is deep and raspy as I take a deep breath. We step into the flashing lights, are fired with questions and I just smile, holding on to Harry hand, turning, feeling him pulling me closer and letting go of my hand. I look at him in panic, but he grabs my hip, pressing me to his side and showing me off a bit, I think.

We finally get to the interviewers and I thought he has to be there alone, but he keeps tugging me with him. He does his interviews and finally, the big question comes.

“Who is joining you tonight? You look stunningly beautiful, by the way” the interviewer says to me and winks. I smile and nod thankful because he is so nice. Harry looks at me and smiles, as he answers.

“This is my girlfriend Y/N, she is breath-taking, you are right”

“It is official, Harry Styles is off of the market, dear ladies. Have a good night today and enjoy yourselves, but be careful this beautiful lady does not steal your show” he winks at us and I look down at our entwined hands.

“Oh, she always does, I am sure. Thank you mate, see you around” Harry says his goodbye and moves on to the next one. It takes so long, that I am nearly dried out when we finally get to the fans. They are so sweet, asking for pictures and autographs, some ask who I am and then want me to join the picture.

Inside we find our seats and I greet his co-stars, which I mostly know. The film is brilliant and I have to decline Harrys snogging attempts because I don’t want to miss anything. He frowns at me and sticks his tongue out. I laugh and when the credits appear I look at him, like a proud mom.

“I loved it, you were brilliant,” I say and lean in to kiss him.

“Thanks, babe. I love you,” he replies and smiles into the kiss. We hear some fans cheering behind us, as the lights turn on and we are still kissing each other.

“See they like you, just as I do,” he kisses my cheek once again and I laugh.

“I hope not, I don’t want to sleep with all of them,” he grins and winks at my response.

“Dirty girl,” we chuckle and then meet some more fans outside the venue before we head home to Harrys house.

Hello lovelies, I hope you liked my newest OS. Yes, I tried a bit smut and if you like it, I have another one with even more smut.

Let me know. 

Love, xx