#sorry. i gotta vent.

[fancycolours]

i literally told somebody that i hope they’re doing well and then they unfollowed me??? okay... 

[punkitt-is-here]

transgender online

[iliothermia]

I really need to consider closing shop for a while after this month. I'm just so continuously burned out and depressed that all I do is work and sleep. but never fast enough. I'm off my medications. I'm always behind. I can't draw any more. I've lost feeling for everything that makes me happy. All I ever do is try to work on non-drawn things to sell to cover all my expenses for the month.

I have savings because I've been very strict with myself this year but I'm always worried if I close shop, it won't bounce back. But I've never been in a pit like this before. My friends don't even hear from me because I'm so depressed I just can't bring myself to talk any more.

All I can really say is thank to my Patrons making things less scary right now. I'm so thankful for the patience for new art while I'm trying my best to just function. And thank you to people who've been patient with my orders from the shop. I'm trying my best

[starscreamingg]

Okay I'm so sleep deprived so pardon whatever this is but something that's got me FUCKED up about ai generated pictures songs writing is that it just fucking kills the ability to analyse for me because there's no fucking INTENTION behind it. Like why was this decision made why were these colours used what does that say about the work NOTHING because a bunch of programming took work that DID have intent and theme and purposeful choices and turned it into SLOP. Like I COULD analyse this but it doesn't MEAN anything it's EMPTY I want to EXPLODEEE

[angelpuns]

Leo going through the horrors but the horrors are just that he had a shitt day and no one bothered to save him any cookies :/

[vanilla-bean-buttercream]

"Allies should be okay with hearing hard truths that we have been suffering through for years, because if a child has to experience it, they as an adult can take the time to understand it with their adult brain and their adult emotions, and if they cannot handle that, I shouldn't have to be okay with handling their feelings gently."

and

"Sometimes we go too hard on allies because they're the only person who benefits from the problem who will listen to us, and the anger that we have carried from being wronged for years should not be put solely put on the shoulders of people trying to help us, and they should not have to be okay with being mistreated with the same hatred that people have aimed at us."

Can and should coexist actually.

[eraiyang]

lingyuan x fujin miasma bad ending hehe .. 💔

"I am but a foolish beast. Even if I wanted to see her again, I would not know of a better way ... Had I succeeded, she would only hate me. But that would have not mattered to me..."

[rayllurn]

Me screaming at tdp YouTube like, “Rayllum never broke up!! They never broke up! They never broke up!!” *is getting dragged away* “Listen me! They never broke up! They never bro-“

Seriously every time I hear someone say they broke up I lose brain cells. She left because she loved him so much she thought it was the only way to keep him safe.

Even Callum acknowledges this!!

Lujanne: “So this is a thing again? You two?”

Callum: “It always was.”

It always was!!! They never STOPPED being a thing, from their perspectives.

And I get that there’s a lot of feelings about Through the Moon and that it should have been incorporated into the actual show (and I agree with that to some degree) but like…where would have they put it? It doesn’t fit in season 3…it would be an anticlimactic tag on to the big finale. It would be weird to start season 4 with it and then have a two year time skip between episodes 1 and 2. It just doesn’t fit in the canon storyline. The only thing I can think of is that they maybe could’ve imported more pieces of it as flashbacks (I would have preferred this I think, but this is the story the creators gave us and I love it regardless!!!).

[bunabi]

the 'Biden is our best hope at saving Gaza' thing is making me sick fr

the man who's standing ten toes down on genocide is not going to have a moral epiphany at the eleventh hour, and I can't stand it when people fantasize about such things detached from the reality of the situation

if he's shown zero interest in being 'pushed left' on much simpler reforms, whaddahell makes anyone believe this is the one he'll bend for

he's a better option on some issues, feel free to amplify and discuss those, but most definitely not that one like what are we doing aiiiee

[blaseballbrainrot]

a short comic about memories of lost friends

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

11/18/24 TW/CW: vent (sort of), mentions of blood, vomit (slightly), mentions of yelling, trauma, blood, et cetera. Thank you.

“My brain works in a weird way. It’s sort of like how celebrities or others online only show their best side. They only reveal the highlights of their life and positive moments, and the audience may look up to them or feel… insignificant, in comparison. After a bit, in my case, my mask can wear down. I play this positive character in this show, and my depressed states are merely my expressions when I am off-stage. And so, I want to find a way to cope with all my stress, my trauma. And until I do, it is broken. I cannot wear it again, or lies will show. I can’t play out-of-character in a live show; the live show being, well, my life. No- I need to find a way to cope. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive. I’ll never forget. I’ll never get over it. All I have sinned for. But. I am scared. What methods do I have where my writing keeps safe? What platform is not going to be tracked by my guardians? No matter where I go, they are there. They are watching. I can’t feel safe online if they are there. I can’t express my true potential if my mom will eventually find my account and brag to her friends over how great I am. Over how… talented I am.”

“I’m crying too much. Emotions flood me as if dams are broken. The water, a growing flood, overcomes my emotions and my rationality. I do not panic, but I am scared. But I must hide my sobs before my father finds me and mentally beats me up about it. ��It won’t do any good for you’; I can’t help it. If you keep yelling at me, what am I supposed to do? For I have not matured to your liking. I only exceed your standards, and my mother’s standards, in art. Something they seem to never get over. I start overthinking things. I grow anxiety. My head starts to throb and my hands begin to tremble so much. I feel so sick, I might throw up. The idea of multiple tests this week doesn’t help. I sit in the bathroom, silent. If I am caught, I am beat. I am lectured. They will ask me: ‘whats the matter? Why are you so sick?’, as if they are clueless that they are the main cause. I grow weak at the thought of the future, the past, and the present. ‘This could have been worse’; I comfort myself. This isn’t the worst, but it’s not the best. Tears slowly roll down my face at the memory of all the people I have lost. I’m sorry. Everything I’ve done. Every sin I’ve committed to have gotten where I am today. I’m so sorry, everyone. I deserve this. Don’t I? My lack of rationality grows my thoughts to believe in your lies. Am I just in denial? At this point, I’m stuck in here for 3 hours. I’m too scared to leave, but too scared to stay. I close my eyes and hope everything will go away. I hope everything is merely just a dream, I just need to wake up. Wake up, or you will die. Fuck. Why me? I sob silently, watching my volume as I can lightly hear the footsteps of my family emerge from the hallway. I feel so sick.”

“After another hour or so, I leave carefully. It’s midnight. They are all asleep at this point, and I am spared for another day. I immediately retreat to my room in a silent run, which slightly makes the nauseated feeling return. My pace slows as I walk to my bed, flopping down. My hand immediately reaches for my phone, an instinct. I feel something dripping from my mouth, and I carefully run my hand over it. Blood. Or so, I suppose it is. It tastes like it at least, but it’s too dark to tell. I ignore that and change my glance to my phone, going to Tumblr. My hands still tremble and my eyes are dry. The nauseated feeling slips in and out: irritating yet worrying. I scroll, looking at more art. I force a light smile to myself, and my jaw aches. It leaves after a few seconds. ‘Is this my last resort?’; Do I have to do this? This will only cause me more overwork, stress and anxiety. I exit the reblog. I am sorry, but my body still aches with the need for drawing more, making up perfect animation and drawing ideas in my head. This needs to stop. No. Please. This can’t be it. I can’t draw anymore, but my body refuses. My mind races with the thought of all my requests I have not finished, silently apologizing to the users.”

“…I can’t do this anymore.”

“I need to stop. I need to take a break. I can’t continue this continuous cycle of self-torment. If I do, I’ll become depressed. If I do, I’ll distance myself further from my friends.”

-

Thank you all. I appreciate your support and words of encouragement, and I know this may be a bit excessive, but I felt like releasing my emotions into a piece of text, even at the risk my mom may see this. I apologize if I have not finished your art requests. I am not taking a break, and I will continue making art (I’m sure you little shits are gonna be happy about that, huh, you guys who only care about my art). But I will not be as active, for school is still occurring. I have a break for a week next week, so I’ll try and make more art then. I just want you all to be happy, I’m sorry. I know this is a bit of a 180 from how I was earlier, but I gotta cope. My parents are arguing again (fml). XOXO.

[mellosdrawings]

I wish I liked the RPG trilogy of Assassin's Creed, but here I am, rage quitting for the nth time in Odyssey because I STILL. CAN'T. WIN. THAT. FUCKING BATTLE!!

Skill issue, yes I know. I'm even in easy mode with the levels scaled hard.

But why in fuck's name are we forced to fight head on in an Assassin's Creed game for anything but a boss? I'm an assassin! I wanna stib-stab people who don't know I'm here, as is the purpose of the game. I don't wanna get stuck for days on the same God forsaken battle because they decided to force me to fight an army with shields head on without even giving me A SINGLE SHIELD! I'm getting gang banged in a corner and I don't even have a shield!! WHY?!!

At least in Syndicate they let you use smoke bombs and guns during brawl battles! Here I'm naked!!

I just wanna see the rest of the story ToT

[sajra-savera]

When the devil couldn't reach me so he made sure I had to commute 4 hours for university in overcrowded buses cause he knew I dislike people touching me.

[princeanxious]

Second take on that ‘y/n is also %70 feral’ au (first take here) and has no choice in the matter when their body goes into ‘fight or flight’ mode and only ever picks ‘fight.’ Certain mischievous animatronics were warned but lessons still had to be learned.

The only one with the determination to fuck with a stressed y/n is Moon, because he fears nothing and thinks its funny(up until y/n gets seriously hurt by reactively punching solid steel)

[prismatic-starstuff]

gotta be honest.

i sometimes feel a tiny bit sad when i watch the scene where glûg gets it from sauron... but then, i really don't.

like, sure, adar wasn't handling things perfectly. but in the situation, what else exactly was he supposed to do. he had to make sure his children didn't fall into sauron's hands, and no, he didn't do it in the best way; but he was traumatised by everything he'd seen before - his children being sacrificed for sauron's rituals - and he knew full well the horrors that would happen under sauron's rule. he knew that only pain and death would await them. he knew sauron wouldn't care about them at all.

and what was the first thing sauron did when approached about a crisis? what did their new master do when he was being told that many uruk were in danger? how did sauron, the one they killed their father for, react to this?

he stabbed one of them directly through the chest. he didn't even grace them with a facial expression or a noise of exertion while he did it. he proved adar completely right and showed that life under him would be dangerous, that it would be far worse than what they had under adar, that sauron did not care about them.

so, sorry glûg.

maybe you should've stuck with your father, huh.

[nosnexus]

My DM has pointed out a very funny trend with my kid's attachment to people.

Shout out to anyone that has played Extinction Curse and might recognize some of the NPCs ;)