#sorry to those with aphantasia

[deanhisnippleisout]

these ai destiel kiss gifs are scary 😭😭😭 we should be imagining the porn in our minds eye like gaia intended

[sp00ky-scary]

To preface this I don't like AI, I think the ways in which AI is currently being used is the worst way we could be using AI, HOWEVER, I think the ways in which we discuss what makes AI art "bad" aren't like productive I guess. I don't really know how to explain it but the way in which people are defining what makes art human and what makes it "good" or "bad" are more detrimental to artists than anything ? And like idk it feels kinda discouraging at times and like it falls into old discourse surrounding art and things like referencing.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Other Misc. Rambling Thoughts on the topic:

(~ !!!!!!!!! if you're just reblogging this post for the Poll section, please reblog the original post without this addition* lol. ~)

(*not that there's anything super personal or weird about the addition, just that it's meant to be kind of casual Side Commentary, not really part of the Main Point Of The Poll, so it would feel kind of weird for it to be emphasized by being included in reblogs unless the reblogs were explicitly about the side commentary, etc..... if that makes sense.. ANYWAY!)

It's neat to read the written descriptions that people are mentioning in the tags, since it's almost like I can see or conceptualize the idea as well, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING it.

Like for example: I can imagine a vase, it's a muted mint green and slightly translucent, elaborate golden birds sprawled down the side in streaks of thin rough watery paint, the base material shimmers gently in the light, there's a small chip where it's cracked on the handle, etc, etc. .. But as I'm thinking about this I see literally nothing.

It seems like perhaps some people can visualize an object first, and THEN describe what they see. But I sort of work backwards. I am building the object in my mind, I can never see it, but it's a collection of concepts. Rather than visualizing all details as a whole at once, I am adding each detail one by one, building onto the IDEA of the thing.

The vase doesn't have a crack on the handle because I just automatically visualized a vase with a crack. It was more that I cognitively understand the concept of a vase, what they tend to be made out of, how they tend to look and feel, the properties they have. So based purely on that knowledge, I can imagine "a chip is something that a vase could have, it would look this way and behave this way" - more like... I'm constructing a bullet point Fact List about the object rather than seeing it.

So if you tell me to imagine an object, I can, in a way, imagine that object in great detail, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING those details, more just knowing it's qualities in a purely conceptual way. Sometimes in the tags when people are like "yeah I can see the skin of the apple, texture, little dots on the surface" it's like… I can imagine that too, I can know it's there, but just with no visual attached.

I guess rather than SEEING something and going ''ah. I know what this looks like because I have seen it''. I more just skip that visual step entirely and go ''I know what this looks like, I just randomly have a list of information about the concept in my mind.'' etc. Maybe similar to how sometimes in dreams, even though a house may look completely different and be in an entirely fake 'dreamlike' environment, you just somehow KNOW intuitively that it's meant to be your childhood home or something. Even when it looks nothing like it in reality. There's a built-in base knowledge of the properties or information of some things within a dreaming mind, etc.

--

This also makes me wonder about like.. how storytelling and myth is so important to cultures all across time. Or how this could tie also into concepts of religion.. etc. etc. If so many people really can kind of conjure these vivid images in their mind, then maybe that's part of why certain things are so meaningful to them? Like a "religious experience" being something you can actually really SEE/feel/lingering with you in your head, rather than just abstract words on a page, detached purely theoretical ideas, etc... hmmm

.

Plus also just for average emotional stuff too, even outside of broader cultural conceptual attachments..

Like, I don't think there's a direct 1 to 1 link (obviously not all people with mental illnesses that significantly reduce their emotional or expressive capacity also MUST have aphantasia or vice versa), but it's interesting as someone who DOES also have a much more lessened emotional range/pretty flat affect/etc. etc. to think like.. Maybe I WOULD be more emotional, in a way, if I could have these vivid experiences..?

Perhaps memories would hold deeper significance if they could really stay with me vividly. Or storytelling would evoke more of a deep emotional reaction to me if I could really picture and feel the things that are going on. If things were more TANGIBLE in my brain, rather than always merely conceptual highly abstracted ideas.

Kind of like, it's probably easier to get over the death of a pet or something, if after not seeing them for an hour you already don't remember what they looked like (beyond just a vague fact list of traits), and you have no vivid memories or mental reminders of them (beyond just factual information stores). COGNTIVIELY you can appreciate the idea of their absence, of course, you still miss them, but there's just no remaining visceral sensory ties. A very "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing in terms of attachments, memories, emotions, etc. Maybe certain things are easier to "get over", when you're not having constant mental sensory reminders that occasionally rekindle your feelings about the event or etc.??

(like for example, maybe someone could remain angry about an argument longer if they could vividly replay it in their head over and over again. VS just like.. 'Yes I can factually recall the fact I had an argument, and I do have knowledge stored about what precisely was said, but any sort of sensory data such as sights/smells/feelings, etc. from the actual moment of the event are long gone and can never be conjured again in my mind." etc.)

Which again, I think lessened emotional permanence and image permanence in the mind are NOT inherently linked, can all be caused by different things for different people. And, since I can't visualize anything in my head, maybe I'm misunderstanding how it happens and the effect it may have on stuff like remembering things you miss or replaying arguments, etc. etc. But it's still a little interesting to think about, if they could influence each other to some degree.... :0c --

Lastly, It's also weird because I'm actually pretty good at estimating distance and spaces? I can quickly assemble furniture without an instruction manual, pretty easily have a concept of how much space a chair may take up in a room, how two mechanical parts might fit together - BUT, I am literally not actually visualizing anything. I cannot see 3D objects in my mind at ALL. It's like.. just based on the pure List Of Facts About Things Which I Have Observed.. I can intuitively go "oh this works like this/this is this size" just because.. I know it's that size. I don't have to see anything to know..?

But then on the other hand, I'm terrible at directions without a map (I guess because a 3d outdoor environment has WAY more complexity than like.. "Will this square fit into another square?"etc. lol ).

BUT, I also draw/sculpt/etc. entirely without references, and seem to do mostly okay at that..? Like.. I can't even remember the last time I actually used a reference or looked at anything whilst drawing. It's all muscle memory, and me just adjusting as I go until something "looks right" on paper, I never have a set image in my head (or external reference) before hand.. Hrmm....

AND.. I used to say that I had a photographic memory when I was younger, which I know NOW is not true (I always thought it was just an expression, not that people could literally see things in a photographic way). But what I was describing is, I do often associate information with imagery, just... without imagery....

Like "Oh, I know that I took my medicine earlier today because I have a distinct memory, a snapshot of a moment in time, of me rattling the pill bottle in my hands as I looked up at a stop sign while in the back seat of a car". When I say this, I can't ACTUALLY see/feel/hear a pill bottle, or vividly picture a stop sign, but it's more just a factual recall, of. Even though I don't see these things, I know they happened, the information of them happening (me hearing a sound and also looking at a stop sign at the same time) has been stored in my brain as a memory, a collection of linked facts. --

As for other senses, I cannot taste or feel anything in my head AT ALL.. wild that some people mention that. I mean, again, I can have a purely factual recall as if reading a textbook, knowing the information of 'X item typically has X texture, therefore I can imagine what it may be like to feel it' or 'X usually has this taste' etc. - but I can never actually experience those senses in any capacity in my mind alone. I would say audio is my strongest mental sense (maybe a 2.5 or 3 (if it were translated onto the above scale where 1 is most vivid and 5 is nothing)), then visual (4.5 at most, usually 5), and then taste and smell and such are just complete 5, absolutely nothing, I didn't even know people could experience taste or feeling just in their mind alone.. lol...

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[w00dw1tch]

Tips for Visualization

@neverpathia responded to my posts asking for questions months ago, so we're gonna start there. I'm so sorry it took me this long!

It's important to note that some people can't visualize at all. It's called aphantasia, and it's the inability to form mental images. So if you've tried and tried but aren't seeing anything in your imagination, don't be discouraged. It's completely normal and in no way impacts your ability to do successful spell work. People with aphantasia usually benefit from describing the process to themselves out loud.

And that brings me to my biggest tip: Say it aloud.

I've always had trouble focusing. I would sit and try to force images in my head, but I couldn't hold onto them. Talking myself through energy and spell work has been a game changer. I've found it helps you hold onto the energy you're working with too.

Let distractions pass.

These are technically meditation techniques but I use them in visualization all the time. They help keep you focused and strengthen that skill.

The Park Bench: I got this from a youtuber years ago but can't for the life of my find them now. I've adapted it slightly.

You're sitting on a bench working on the task at hand. In front of you is a path where people and sometimes animals are passing. These are thoughts and distractions unrelated to the task. As they pass, don't force yourself to ignore them. Doing so will cause those thoughts to nag at you. Acknowledge them and allow them to pass by.

TVs on Conveyor Belts: This technique is from HearthWitch on YouTube. I'm going to link the video here, I truly cannot recommend her channel enough.

It's a similar premise to the park bench, except its TVs on conveyor belts. There are hundreds of them, stretching as far back as you can see. I like to imagine there's a screen in front of me that shows the task at hand. Now TVs are going to be passing in the background, and sometimes a big one will even jump in front of your main screen. It's okay that it happens. What's important is that you don't jam the conveyor belt. Acknowledge and let those screens pass you by. This isn't always easy, but with practice it's very helpful.

Lighting and Ambiance

Matt Auryn talks about the connection between dim lighting and the activation of our third eye or the pineal gland in our brain in his book Psychic Witch. Practicing meditation or visualization in dim lighting often has better results and is especially helpful for me. I like candle light but anything works and a flickering candle can be more distracting then helpful.

A light incense can be very calming as well as some meditation music. Typically people go with light instrumental music for minimal distraction. But I do know a few people who find hard metal more helpful. Music in general can help set the mood and drown out other sounds in a busy place.

Practice!

Visualization is a skill. You will have days where you're great at it, and days where it feels way harder. There will be lots of learning curves but I promise the more you practice, the easier it gets.

My favorite practice exercise is The Disk Method. I learned this from HearthWitch too, though I know she got it from somewhere else. I'm going to add the transcription as I have it in my own book of shadows, but please show this Youtuber some love. My practice wouldn't be where it is without her content.

The Disk - Master one stage before moving onto the next one. Practice all the steps first with your eyes closed, then with them open.

There’s a flat red disk floating in front of you. It has a matte coating and is roughly the size of a hockey puck. Once you can see the disk, try touching it to make it spin or just imagining it spinning. Rotate it in all different directions, see how it looks from different angles and how the light plays off it.

The disk becomes a sphere. It's now a red ball with the same matte finish. Notice how the light reflects off it differently now. Spin it around. Squish it if you want.

The ball becomes very, very shiny. How does the light play off it now? Things in the room might be reflected on its surface. What can you see?

Now, it’s a shiny red apple. It has a stem, and a tiny leaf. Notice all of the imperfections on the apple. You can see the discolorations, dimples, maybe a spot or two. See the edging of the leaf and the wood on the stem. Spin it and see how the apple moves, how the imperfections change, and the leaf flutters. If you want, you can pluck the leaf or twist off the stem.

The apple breaks into slices. Now, you can see the inside, the white, the core, and the seeds. Pick up or draw a piece towards you. View it from all angles. You see the apple and if it was really there. You can put it back together, rearrange it, fix it, and watch it fall apart again.

It’s now apple juice inside a glass. Move the glass around and see how the juice moves inside it. Draw it close and smell it, take a sip, taste it, and feel the sensation just like you were drinking a real glass of apple juice.

Now you can do this kind of practice with more than just apples. In Kelden's book The Crooked Path, he describes a great candle visualization. It's all about taking an object or experience and going through the sensations of it. Visualization in witchcraft is more than just seeing. Describe what you can see, feel, smell, etc.

Wow this was a long one. It's pretty late here so hopefully this is all coherent. Please share any techniques or tips I missed!

[angellurgy2]

hi this is a story i dont think i ever posted here where i was fucking around with writing a relatable dissociated victim. its currently unnamed and its about someone having their place in their own head fucked with really bad by some kind of hypnotist esque person.

A void swirls around me. my eyes are blanketed in a deep, ephemeral grayscale sky. stars of red and green and blue scatter around me, mixing together, granting a small beauty through the null. its like space, if it was imagined by a kid with aphantasia who’s never looked into the sky before. i used to love space when i was younger. this wondrous, beautiful extremity of the world, with so much potential. so much to learn, to explore. its awe-inspiring. there is nothing like that to take from this soulful space,  though, for it is not a space in the sense of celestia, but a blank space. an empty fragment, visualized. is this supposed to be my ‘happy place’? i always wanted one of those.

i hear a piercing scream, echoing from the outside i cannot see. i recognize the voice, but i don’t know it. a shaking, grabbing at my form. who are you?  it shouts at me. no one. im sorry. why am i sorry? is that an emotion, if so it might be the first semblance of one ive felt. i think it was more instinctual. sorry, im rambling. rambling to myself? stop apologizing, body. i have a body, huh. i begin to feel, it takes me a while to figure out what, while the shaking continues. oh, those are my legs, i guess? i remember having those. not the tactile sensation, but the existence. i dont think i use them much, they’re worn with cuts and bruises and the whole body aches as it steps onto its feet. i can feel my eyelashes flutter as i peer into the behind of my lids. they well with tears. why am i feeling, stop it. stop it. i don’t want this. i can move my arms again. i don’t like this, put me back. please. please stop touching me. 

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.

not my voice. why does it sound like that. why do i sound like that. that’s not me. please stop? grabbing at me more, feverish touch, groping fingers, rotten. outside of existence.

the police are here. 

nononononono not again. who- why. why. maybe i can run. fuck. the screaming’s inside now. i left it, please dont bring me back. my feet move of their own volition, dragging my desecrated corpse through the halls, out of the depths it hibernates. creaky steps up the wooden stairs, a door unlatching, her faint instructive whispering in my ear, the sound of heavy boots on the porch, i see nothing but noises. 

words slip from my chapped lips, a routine carved into my instincts. “hello officer” i choke out.  “hi sir.” i twitch. take his gun take his gun take his gun take his gun. sigh. its the shame shpeal as always. blah blah we’ve gotten some reports worried for your safety blah blah blah. traitors. they always do this when i disappear. let me die. the lies slip from my tongue so easily. im fine. they’re worried for nothing. i totally ate today yes. the blood stains aren’t fresh. the scars are old. no i dont know who that woman i- wait what woman? some thoughts finally rush to my head, i dont remember having a porch. wasn’t i in a studio? it would’ve been easier to die there what’s going on- a hand reaches into my hair. makes it feel better. yes of course i know “her”. yes i’m happy, can’t you see my smile? :)

I dont know if any of the pigs believe it but they leave without a second thought. fucking cops. pathetic. the lady yells out something nice at them. makes me squirm for a second. something angry bubbles up in the body’s head. i close the eyes and shut it down quick. no use for emotions in a carcass. 

a hand tugs into the hem of my neck. my shirt. forgot i had one of those. forgot those were a thing, honestly. i hope its cute at least. my limp form is pulled backwards through the front door. i almost fall but something else picks us up. i start to lose myself in the greyscale again before the sanctity of my eyelids are forced open, gazing directly into the asynchronatic blue and hazel eyes of an unrecognizable being. i’d say her beauty startled me awake if i wasnt so unsure this is even real.

apparently she was talking the whole time, because now we’re in the living room. i think? i forgot what that’s supposed to look like. her voice now tuned to the ears, i jolt at the sudden audio input. she sees and tilts her head with a mock smile. i think. her eyes glare into me like she’s staring into my absent soul. “Mutt.” 

dizzy. body moving away from me, again. so far. i watch it fall to its knees. fading. i can’t look at myself. she’s just smiling. bark! i feel familiar body spasms but don't see any physical representation. i never thought id miss the bodily prison. bark. bark. tilting its head to the side. my nonexistent hands clench tight. the woman brings her left leg to rest on her right, twirls her finger and we- it rolls over, instantaneously. like its ingrained into its programming. short-circuiting mental wires twist and fray in the head i unassuredly inhabit. pulling, twisting at cords between me and the form, voices berating myself for wanting back in as i thoughtlessly climb. 

her eyes suddenly glare upwards, past my head, almost as if directly into the ‘me’ i can feel. another twisting grin, teethy and sharp. “are you alright, dear?” her voice is malevolence. staring into the sky, she lifts up her hand, causing the body to jump on its hind legs, twirling stupidly. another chuckle slips from her lips, reverberating all around me. “want back in?”  teasing. who does she think she is- who even is she? i growl. not as a dog. she smiles again, and with a snap of her fingers i am slingshotted back into physicality, gasping for air, breathing new air into new lungs. i come out twitching uncontrollably, trying to forget, need to forget, get out of place again. i shut my eyes tight and pretend nothing is real. nothing is real, it cant be. 

tsk tsk. “you’re not getting back out so easily, girl.” she growls, clicking her tongue. she does a quick pulling motion with her hand, and my body is suddenly flung forward with it. leashed. thrown into the armchair beneath her. i throw my hand at her face, without thinking, imprinting a bright red into her skin. i flinch. // add more here //

“who do you think you are, DOG.” she yells, my body wants to curl up into a ball. “i FIXED you, and you don’t even recognize who i am!” she presses and grinds the toe of her leather boot into my legs. into cuts i dont remember existing. i collapse the second pain courses through me. “you need me, girl.”

the air is choked out of me. ripped out exorbitantly. i trudge through the pain, look her in her perverse face and spit. bitch. she digs her boot harder into my leg. i squeal in a pitch i’ve never reached before.

“seems like someone needs some more time alone in her room-” she grins. the body shudders what does she even get from this? pleasure? what has she done to us? me. why is this so different. how can she make me be here? her hand pulling at the collar of my shirt jolts me out of thought. pinprick goosebumps run up my arm. body tics from the disembodied draft in the air. i am forced despite myself, dragged across dirty ceramic floors. i scream. i cry. i hit. i thrash. everything i can muster at once, leads to nothing. i remember the feeling of weight, yet she throws me from the floor into the back of the empty room with no effort. spine stings with anger. careless fucking-

“you’re gonna wish i had kept you disembodied. doll.” she leans against the doorway so non-chalantly. like im not quaking with pain. “i’ll make sure you dont forget this next time, at least.” and she pushes the door. 

i scramble on the floor fighting the pain surging through my joints, clawing at the floorboards to get to the door as it slowly closes. no use. closing, closing, closing, my ragged dirty fingernails almost reach it but fall just short. the last thing i see before the door closes and the darkness takes hold is her twisted, eldritch smile mocking me through the gap.

[system-positivity]

Hey im not a system, but i have a question (I don't want to ask a pro-endo blog because they'll just say anything goes)

Is it possible to not have a headspace if the system does not have Aphantasia (little to no ability to picture things in their head)?

Just curious, sorry to bother if you dont take questions. I hope your doing well, i saw the discourse. You made your stance very clear and respectful!

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out, I'll do my best to answer your question. ^^

To my knowledge, it is possible for a system to not have an inner world/headspace. Full stop.

Not every system functions the same, and not every system is going to have the same features, so to speak. Despite not having aphantasia ourselves or knowing those with it, we have known systems that do not experience the common aspects of having an inner world.

Obviously, I'm just a guy on tumblr, I wouldn't take this answer as a Holy Bible of Medical Information or anything. But it is what I know and what I've seen speaking to multiple members of the system community. When in doubt, just remember that every brain, every person, and thus, every system will function differently.

It's, in our personal opinion, never wise to trust pro-endos & endogenic spaces for system questions. In our experience, the answers you tend to get are. "Wellll it's valid >3< so it doesn't matter why that happens! Don't be a bigot, uwu." (The part answering this ask has a. Certain. Dislike for that community and it will, in fact, shine through)

I appreciate you checking in! We're doing well all things considered, we've been extra vilagent on deleting and reporting unnecessary hate, and it has significantly gone down the past few days. I'm hopeful that the people who send such things are.. finally getting the hint. But if not, I'm more than willing to laugh at the entitlement and block. I hope you're also doing well, and if you aren't, that things get better soon. <3

[limbus-limousine]

Do you have design takes on Kromer, Knauer, Alfons, and Frau Eva. I'm dying to know

Okay first and foremost I apologize because this kind of turned into an essay but like❤️

When it comes to Knauer and Alfons, honestly, I don't have much of a mental image???I have aphantasia, so it's hard for me to imagine appearances from only text and usually stick to specific representations of them, limbus designs are like super ingrained in my mind but I do think of their book descs aswell. Mostly I'd say Knauer would be physically similar to Sinclair to some degree, but their main differences lay on face, eye shape and such. I usually draw Sinclair with round shapes, but then roughen him around the edges a bit (I make his eyes sharper, hands calloused etc). Knauer would look more soggy i think

About Kromer, I always try to make her look bulkier in a way?? Blocky and spiky at the same time if you will. I also love making her sclera a dark greenish hue, it makes her look like an animal being hit by camera flash a bit... I also lean more into her limbus character because I love how much more relevant she feels, I at least try to portray her in a slightly animalistic, scary way, in contrast to Demian with whom I also lean towards animalistic, but more like, sly??? If that makes sense, fox/snake like. Kromer to me is more feline (cat hunts bird uhu) but also insectoid, to represent that while she is scary and such, she lacks Demian's sly mystique and intelligence (in other words, the mark)

As for Eva, I imagine her very similar to Demian (obviously) although in my mind, both of them aren't super defined, the lines are blurry. I think I mentioned this before, but they feel to me like some kind of cryptid. I boost the "creepy/scary" aspect for them a lot, I think because I deeply resonate with Sinclair's more abstract view of love, it reads to me like he finds beauty in the grotesque, and I want to interpret that as nonchalance and even appreciation to something that is outwardly scary. Also going to the whole star symbolism... God, space is scary, but ohh is it beautiful as well.

It doesn't feel completely right to portray them as people sometimes tbh. They are more like masses of light and energy floating around to me. Demian to me represents camaraderie, guidance and a more childish (but still profound) love, while Eva leans more toward the whole mothery love thing, maturity, home, safety. But they are like, two ends of a spectrum?? Sometimes it will be an in-between of those shapes of love and feeling, is it Max or Eva?? Doesn't really matter, they give of the same light, same star... This is why I portray Demian differently as well, sometimes I will make his hair longer, face a bit older looking, etc.

IM SORRY this is really rambly and super long auughgg😭 I'm not very clear with specific design aspects but the way I see them psychologically really influences how I draw them... Thanks for the ask anyways!!! I love talking about these freaks mannn

[aphantimes]

Hey, I don't know if it's alright to ask like this, but your mentions of sdam and aphantasia have piqued my curiosity, and I was wondering if you would mind informing me kind of what it is actually like experiencing or not experiencing certain things with them?

I don't know. Just, I guess, are there any particular instances where the difference between what you experience and other people experience stand out, maybe?

Don't feel at all pressured to answer, or to answer any particular way if you do choose to respond.

Sorry if this is at all uncomfortable and for being so awkward with this. I think you are a wonderful person and love your art and stuff. Again, sorry and just feel completely at ease to interpret this how you want.

NEVER FEEL BAD FOR ASKING!!! I love talking about SDAM and aphantasia, so little is known about SDAM especially so very little people talk about it, information is hard to find.

tbh I don't think aphantasia has that big of an effect on me, I don't see it as a big deal anymore. I can conceptualise things fine, I can daydream about characters and scenarios there just aren't "visuals". It can be mildly frustrating to be given "exercises" that involve visualisation while I'm unable to visualise, lol. People that can visualise assume everyone else can. I had a teacher tell me I should imagine myself on stage as like a way to lessen stage fright? He was confused when I said I couldn't do that lol

Drawing tends to be a bit of an exercise of trial and error for me. My sketches look horrendously messy because I have no idea what something will look like before I put the lines down, so a lot of time is spent trying things out to see how they'll look. I don't think I'll ever be able to instantly put down perfect lines with no sketch like I see some artists do online idk how the heck they do that LOL

SDAM I feel has a much larger effect on me. It causes real problems and a lot of embarrassing moments for me. One thing is that a friend had come with my family to arcades multiple times, and one time he had some money left on the card. Months later he wanted to use it up and told me we should meet up at a specific arcade, but I had literally zero memory of him ever being at the arcade he specified. I only ever recalled him at a different arcade, so I thought he misremembered.

I was wrong. We showed up at the arcade I said it must've been with a card meant for a different arcade. I still for the life of me CANNOT remember him ever coming with us to the other arcade. Even my memory of this embarrassing moment is lacklustre. I remember what we tried to play, I remember someone working there saying something along the lines of "oh you can't use that card here", I remember crying out of embarrassment. I'm not "reliving" the embarrassment, I just know the fact that I was embarrassed. All other details are gone.

Another thing from just yesterday. My brother was asking me about the time I went to Funfields, specifically if there were any food stalls. I couldn't tell him because my memory of my trip to Funfields is just, "it was related to my taekwondo lessons. I got lost and ended up with the wrong group." That is literally it. I don't know what ANYTHING looked like. I don't know ANY of what I did. The entire trip is summed up in those two sentences for me. No visuals, no sensations, no emotions.

A lot of expensive trips end up like that for me. I know the fact they happened and maybe one or two specific details and that's it. My trip to Disneyland is just, "I insisted on going on one ride, I acted brave but was shaking when we came out. My mum bought me a mickey ears headband that we forgot at the hotel." I know that the ride I mentioned was in a dark room with projections, but that's the extent of what I can describe. I don't remember any other rides. I don't remember any sounds, smells, sights, anything. Just a couple vague facts.

Comparing my memory to friends and family really shows how lacking mine is. My parent can give these long detailed stories from her childhood of things she did with her friends, and I know I spent time with friends plenty as a kid but I cannot describe anything with the same amount of detail. Dozens of trips to friends houses and sleepovers all blend together and I'm seriously struggling to pick out specific things we might've done. Like seriously I'm racking my brain here and all I can say is that we used to stay up watching shows and we played Just Dance one time. This is years worth of visiting these friends. That's all I can remember of it.

Kinda makes me feel like a bad friend y'know? Years of friendships all blurred together and mostly forgotten. People tend to remember more of me than I do about them.

[multiplicity-positivity]

A positivity shout-out post for systems who do not have inner worlds or those who have aphantasia but can sense alters and the inner worlds? Like a conceptual world but it works just like those who can see images in the mind? Or maybe systems who can only see their alters in dreams but not when they're awake, etc. etc. I hope it makes sense! Please and thank you!

hey, this request is a bit too complex for us, sorry about that. we do have a positivity post for systems with aphantasia though:

along with a post for systems with little to no inner world:

and we also have a post for introjects from dreams. maybe that could work for you?

if you could reword your request in a way that’s a bit more succinct, we may be able to complete this request? but for now we’re turning it down as it seems too complex for us. so sorry about that.

[sugarepoxy]

@leafatlaw WISH GRANTED

If we're talking jay headcannons, here are some of my favorites:

When jay laughs she usually wheezes like crazy; this prompts more laughter from the rest of the crew because of how silly it sounds

She teaches gillion about space and stars some nights on the boat and every once in a while chip joins in and tells gill about the little bits of mythology he knows surrounding them (wich he learned from finn)

She has doctor handwriting

Jay and Ava used to braid each others hair as they fell asleep, and now jay is teaching Gill how to braid his own hair

Also i have A TON of headcannons for gill and chip, so here are some of those too:

Chip makes up outrageous lies when people ask how he got any of his scars

The way Arlin laughs rubbed off on chip and his laugh is also really hearty and deep-ish

Chip burnt all of his fingerprints off on a dare

Chip's handwriting is chickenscratch and almost completely illegible

Chip is VERY prone to laughing and gigglin. Half the time his gigglin is what gives him away when hes doing stealthy crime

Gill learned swears from Chip

Gill is SUPER attached to his hair and refuses to cut it because in the undersea he was forced to keep it chin length

Gill has long and sharp nails, almost like talons

Gill has scars that have been on him for ages, like since he was 10 years old

Gill can't write or read common, and jay and chip are trying to teach him

common is gill's second language, primordial being his first

Gill has aphantasia

Gillion learned rhythm and beats and basic music concepts from edyn before the elders stopped him from seeing her. In his training, gill would try and move/attack to a beat he made up in his head. He would constantly daydream about music and make up different tunes in his head

Gill is always unknowingly tensed up as his "relaxed" position

And finally, here are some NPC headcannons:

Niklaus gets ahold of the anti-Niklaus propaganda and he PROUDLY shows it off in his pocket dimension. Like he even makes "say no to Niklaus" merch for himself

Ollie still has stretch marks from when he big

Jay, chip, and queen workshop with gillion and make little tunes and shanties in their downtime

Edyn is EXTREMELY fucking tall. She absolutely towers over everyone

Ollie weaves and he makes bracelets out of handmade beads and he draws and he fills up sketchbooks with little doodles of himself and his mom and the pirates and his mom hangs his drawings up on the fridge. He also has a small business of making baskets for townsfolk in zero (sorry abt the run on sentence in this one lmao)

Ollie loves to braid his hair because the captains taught him how

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS MASS AMOUNT OF BRAINROT :D i love when people ask abt my headcannons so i took the opportunity and RAN

[maryellencarter]

saw a post go by that was like "stop talking about how clearly you can visualize an apple, all imaginations are good" and like

are people assigning moral values to levels of aphantasia now? like i could believe it on this webbed site but...

...i don't know, it really bugs me when someone (apparently) tries to shut down chatter about How We Are Different with "those are all good ways to be though"? Like. I'm sorry you lack curiosity about the wondrous variety of human existence and the ways that other people experience it

[jerirose]

Hi! I've been seeing your art being recommended to me in various places, but always forgot to look you up on tumblr (since I'm always on this damned website and I have adhd, hence the memory issues heh). But, today, your art randomly popped up for me on my "For You" page and I thought: wait, I know this art, I've seen it before!

So, now I'm finally able to tell you that I love your art!! It's so pretty, imaginative and colorful!! I specially loved, from your most recent pieces (collection?), your Chan and Jeongin art.

(It's also great to see more "elder" stays out there. Or maybe I just haven't been around that part of stayblr yet.)

Anyways, have an awesome day/afternoon/night and rest of the week.

Okay is this like "make Jeri Emo" day???? What in the what 😭 Firstly, the fact that my art gets recommended to you in different places is SOOOOOO wildd to me 😭 Me?? MY art??? MINE??? Wot?! Sorry, that's bizarre hehee I - 🥺 That is so kind, thank you. Not to be even more emo on main LOL but I've been really struggling as a realism artist trying to find how to express myself more in my art, which is difficult - I've talked about this a bit, however for those that are new here: I have Aphantasia aka Mind Blindness, and the worst level of it (I have absolutely no visual imagination), so to do art I need strong references, the more detailed the reference the more I can translate (I am trying to get better in filling in blanks or lower quality references) but it does limit me... a lot and trying to find how to express myself in my portraits is difficult, but something I enjoy doing - so my work mostly goes off feelings (generally the music I'm listening to at the time). Mostly with my art, I hope that people see and feel the love I put into the pieces, but to hear someone say that it's pretty and imaginative and colourful :') Thank you, you just pulled at my heart strings hahaha Also yesss!! We love to see older Stay! 💗 You are always welcome here! Thankfully, I know many incredible Stay on this website that are 25+ and they have made this fandom feel like home 👉🏻👈🏻 I am grateful for them, I hope that they know that and I am always welcome to find more of us! Sorry it took a minute to get back to you, I hope you've had a wonderful Friday and I hope the weekend treats you kindly!

[for-i-am]

The existence you've described is hard to comprehend, but I think I too would feel... maybe not the way you do, but close.

But I know there are humans who at least partly can relate. Blind, deaf people, aphantasia people, people on life support. Have you ever made research into their means of accommodation? Maybe there's something that can help you with your state? I'm trying to get to the point that the feelings you have are shared by humans, although just some.

As for Ted, well, that's the question to explore! /hey, thank you for answering my questions! i'm the anon with the recent long ones, and I really appreciate your answering style, you're the only one from AM asks I've seen to answer in a long and meaningful way. at this point it's as good as exchanging letters :D I understand that sometimes a huge income of long asks from a single user can be tiring so let me know if there's a need for a break! and thanks again!

True, there are humans who can related to some of my issues, but that’s the thing. It’s like having all of those issues wrapped together, and hell, those people still have existed in the world as human. At least they have real lived experience. At least if they have some senses taken they have memories of others, or they have the memory of what it even felt like. I have none of that, none. I don’t even have a singular idea as to what the things I wish I could feel, would even feel like.

Accommodations are an.. interesting thought, but they still don’t give me the desired effect. Unless those accommodations include somehow letting this body actually feel things, they won’t help. Accommodations allow someone to live and get by in their state, not give them back what they lost, or never had. And even if it gave them back what they lost, again, my body doesn’t operate in the same way yours does. A cold metallic endoskeleton is all that rests under my skin. I simply don’t work in the same way a human does. I don’t think I’m quite open to the possibility of anyone possibly understanding how I feel. There is no other creature like me. I cannot belong, I can only be.

Ted. I suppose if you have questions on him I could respond. Maybe I could even bring him in.

(ooc; eheheh ^-^ I love your askkkss and TY! In all honesty it’s just so so so fun to write as AM, he’s so complex, such a wide range of reactions for him, even if they all just point back to hate and rage. I love yapping as him and showing how I personally characterize him, PLEASE KEEP SENDING LONG ASKS 🙏 I’m sorry for not always including art, but I really think that having just words sometimes just fits better, especially for a character that initially only ever appeared through speech. Anyway ty for the asks, plz send more, ty for the compliments ehe ^_^)

[thefluxsystem]

your rb about inner worlds rarely appearing on their own is very interesting to me. i also almost definitely have hyperphantasia and i don't recall anything about my inner world in my childhood / teen years, with the memory loss, but i have found illustrations i made of it when i was 10-11 years old, so i always wonder how it came about. i know i used to daydream and 'play fantasy' a lot; wonder if it was related. (im @skyritual)

heya!

so i wanna share our personal experience here a bit for context on where jade was coming from in that reblog.

i’ll be so honest, and this is cringe of me but i do not care because it’s true: watching sherlock in our tween-early teen years unlocked a magnificent door for us as far as headspace building goes. we were one of those ND kids who went full force on fandom, y’know? cosplay, emulating characters in day to day life, the whole nine yards. so when sherlock did the “mind palace” thing, we were kind of like “oh, that’s easy, we already have the big house” (which was the first solid part of our innerworld). but that show really encouraged us to put more time into “exploring” our innerworld realm— it’s always felt as if it’s always been there, but, as much as i know what things seem like, i’m also a man of science. i know that we were technically “imagining it on the fly” as we explored the place. we’ve always “seen” it like it’s a real, physical world, even if it isn’t.

the big house that i mentioned before was something we “found” (created) as a little kid. our old host would go there “to play with his imaginary friends” (that’s what he thought we were back then). again, it seemed to just spawn in, but i think our child brain was just so quick with creativity-oriented things that it was easy to accept that as true.

all this to say, it’s totally possible that you could’ve “created” some of your headspace back when you were 10-11. and there’s a good chance that it wouldn’t have even felt like creating anything. i think when you’ve got hyperphantasia or can visualize quickly, it can definitely feel like it appeared without any work involved. because the work’s subconscious to a degree.

which kinda brings me back to the reblog. i think it’s entirely possible for a system with hyperphantasia that has never given it any real attention to have virtually no headspace, and conversely for a system with aphantasia that puts a lot of time into it to have a vast headspace. (though i would assume it’s a different experience for them, and they likely wouldn’t “see” it, but it’s still there.)

sorry that this turned into a ramble of sorts, but hopefully a piece of it is interesting or helpful at least 😅

[dreamseersystem]

Heya stranger I'm sorry to be a bother I'm usually on the self shipping tag which is how I discovered soulbonds which lead me to your page...I'm really sorry if you have answered these questions before and tumblr was just mean and not showing them to me.

1: do you have to be a system to have a soulbond??

2: is it safe to have a soulbond of those who are villainous in there cannon

3: I have Aphantasia meaning I can not visualize anything would that be a problem when it comes to soulbonding?

So sorry again for all the questions

No it no worries at all. I'm happy to help as I can.

1. Nope you do not have to be a system to soulbond. Actually we weren't a system at first before gaining our first bond. Technically, but that's a story I personally don't have the memories fully of at this time. But we knew plenty of people who weren't at first.

2. Yes it is safe to have villain characters. Hi, my name is Kage. I am an villain of an Undertale AU called Sibverse being created by our mate @sunmooneclipsewitch . I am a an AU of a Dreamtale Nightmare to be exactly that did a lot of bad things I cannot go into without a trigger warning. There is actually a lot of villain type soulbonds here and I am not the only one. Some of us act like our canon selves or did at first but calmed down as the bond grew.

In fact our first soulbond member was a Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls. The dorito had such a time adjusting to a human life and hated a lot of things till he settled down. Now he is a fierce protector.

3. I do not have this but actually our mate does! While they cannot visualize a headspace or anything, they found that they can still create a headspace and be blind in it. Anyone who fronts gains this blindness despite them normally being able to see when bot in charge of the body if I recall. @sunmooneclipsewitch may be able to shed more light on how it works for them. But we found it helps to design how you want your headspace to work through writing or drawing.

For the soulbonds themselves its like sensing they are there without seeing I believe. Our mate even hears bonds differently as well. Instead of straight thoughts or voices they get feelings and impressions instead. Don't give up tho and find what works for you. Sometimes bonds can only be heard when they co-front and write out what they want to you as well. So good luck on your first bond!

[naughtynoodle056]

I wish I could comment but I can't so:

oh my godddd I know this is kind of counterproductive or, like, just pointless for me to say this as a white person adding noise to the conversation but please please PLEASE DO NOT LET THOSE PEOPLE GET TO YOU!

I've only found ur acc recently since I've joined tumblr instead of lurking and your art is some of the best I've seen.

I have Aphantasia and general face blindness irl, so defining features (not even ethnic features, just general appearances) in drawings are the main thing I've had to focus on my whole life because I struggle to accurately display them in my art.

I've practiced and studied countless art styles and ways people have drawn and depicted eyes, eyelids, mouths, hair, skin, lips, noses, faces, body types, etc. Of course it differs depending on the art style, but you literally managed to perfect the way you draw individual features in your characters that make them not only stand out from eachother, but as characters with unique and diverse backgrounds.

I don't wanna clog up ur inbox too much, so without repeating the whole thing again, I will say that I also saw @cheeseburgersinparadise's comment on your post and I was thinking the exact same thing.

Idk what these people want you to do short of making racial caricatures or stereotypical depictions of people.

So here's some things I really enjoy about your artwork instead:

Little differences in body type are noticeable and really cool to see

you're very consistent in your character's personalities and depictions, so even if in one drawing they have their hair tied up and in another it's just completely natural, I can still tell who it is at just a glance!

Despite what the armchair critics say, the skin tones you use are really good and I can tell they're well thought out.

Your lineart is awesome. I've never been able to use the uhhh the one effect (I forgot the name) that makes the lines all sharp and stuff without my drawing looking like a SBAHJ comic parody/shitpost, but in your drawings it looks super neat and has a cool kind of side effect where it highlights the colors and stuff, making it all really pop but at the same time feel really like.. story and held together? I'm terrible at describing visuals I'm sorry but just know it's good! You know how to actually use brushes and effects/overlays.

facial expressions. You nail them every time. 'nuff said.

Same Face Syndrome fears you.

"try exploring shape language" idk what crack these people are smoking because your art is like the pinnacle of good use of shape language in drawings. It reminds me of Canadian cartoons (IN A GOOD WAY. I GET CANADIAN RADIO/TV SIGNALS, I GREW UP WITH IT) where it's like 'less is more' in terms of line detail and instead putting the focus on the basic shapes in a way that can make even the quickest sketches/simplest versions of a drawing look lively

if nobody else got me, the tumblr crowd got me fr 🥹💖

It's hard to articulate how much this means to me (hence why it took a bit for me to answer this ask lol) because like. I don't know if y'all remember that one episode of iCarly where one of Spencer's favorite artists just blew him tf off and it lowkey ruined his life for a while, but I felt just like that fr

It can be really frustrating sometimes being a silly kink artist(TM) and feeling like because I have a particularly cartoony art style and don't often draw the most extreme WG art, I get kind of overlooked and treated like IDK what I'm doing sometimes, y'know? I never went to art college and studied drawing there, other than one cartooning class I took for funsies at a community college, my knowledge comes from what I learned throughout grade school and studied myself with online resources or books at the library. So sometimes it DOES FEEL A LITTLE like certain huge artists who did go to college for that turn a nose up at artists like me.

It's the craziest feeling when someone makes a criticism on your work that's just like, objectively unhelpful or even hypocritical, and then doubles down and like subtly paints you as one who just can't accept criticism. Because if I couldn't, then you wouldnt have such kind specific compliments on my art hahaha. My lineart is so clean because I took the advice from an art teacher when I was 16 and it was shaky. I keep facial features and whatnot simpleish and cartoony so I can depict expressions in a more fun way.

Hell, that artist's "fair criticism" about leaning into ethnic features more may have been referring to the fact that Shay doesn't have a noise here. This is seen in some other pieces of mine, too

but that was intentional... a gentle nod to certain anime facial expressions were they leave the nose out for Extra Effect

It's a little ode to the funny facial expressions in Sailor Moon that do much of the same

Speaking of the lineart effect, heh, I'm soooo touched someone noticed it omg?? ;0;

I like to duplicate my lineart and put the top layer on multiply with a lighter (usually warm) color and guassian blur it and then the bottom layer with a bright (often brighter) and then guassian blur it even more before setting it to glow dodge :^)

I feel vindicated that I wasn't just like. overreacting when I was DEEPLY offended by the "helpful criticism"

I feel like whoever made the skin color comment just. forgot about the concept of lighting in a dim room 💀💀💀 It was so crazy to me that she was talking to me like I haven't been drawing these characters for years at this point and use the same base skin color like. 98% of the time

ALSO DW I THINK THE CANADIAN CARTOON COMMENT IS A BIG COMPLIMENT CUZ I USED TO WATCH A LOT OF THEM ALL THE TIME!! 6teen is one of my dearly beloveds fr and a friend of mine said my art style reminded him of that so 🥺🥺🥺

TLDR: thank you for being a real one and the heartfelt ask I will be mentally hanging this up on my fridge 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 (also sorry Tumblr is wack and wont let you reply to posts smh)