#sorry to be a simp who the fuck am I kidding I’m not sorry

[only-one-brain-cell]

I know this joke was about Derek getting married but man doesn’t even realize how attractive he is.

[reidsglasscs]

ALL DA LADIES LUV YN!!

✸ pairing: jason grace x fem!athena!reader smau

✸ notes: im shamelessly addicted to social media aus & haven’t seen a SINGLE one for my boy…lets change that

…now playing: full machine — gracie abrams

yn.ln: nru…expect my therapy bills for those exams (ft. the world’s worst study buddy)

tagged: j.grace

view all comments

seaweed.brain: aren’t athena kids supposed to be…smart?

╰┈➤ yn.ln: @wise.girl COME GET HIM, HE’S OUT AGAIN

╰┈➤ wise.girl: PERCEUS

╰┈➤ seaweed.brain: AINT NO WAY—

j.grace: everyone see that? that’s MY gf who made a 100 on the advanced calc exam. MY GIRLFRIEND 🗣️‼️

╰┈➤ piedpiper: simp in capital red letters

╰┈➤ j.grace: loud and proud

j.grace: don’t hate on my studying skills, that was at like 2 am 😒

╰┈➤ yn.ln: it was NINE PM???

╰┈➤ j.grace: it most certainly WAS NOT

╰┈➤ yn.ln: do not take that tone with me.

╰┈➤ j.grace: yes ma’am, i’m sorry

teamleo_: who’s the cutie in slide 3? 🤭😏

╰┈➤ yn.ln: the book’s called the hunger games, thanks for asking! 🫶

╰┈➤ j.grace: @yn.ln IS IT BULLY YOUR BOYFRIEND DAY???

hazzzelnut: WAY TO GO BABE, SO PROUD OF YOU

╰┈➤ yn.ln: hazel ilysm my precious sweet darling angel 🫶🩷😚

piedpiper: ignore that blondie, she snuck out to see me once he was asleep 🥱😝

╰┈➤ yn.ln: shhhhh pipes, they’re not supposed to know

╰┈➤ wise.girl: PIPER HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???

╰┈➤ seaweed.brain: I BEG YOU FINEST FUCKING PARDON???

…now playing: steal my girl — one direction

j.grace: smart girl appreciation post!!! 🤍 (piper mclean dni)

tagged: yn.ln

view all comments

teamleo_: gods bless yn for dealing with that blue eyed stare…she’s the strongest soldier ✊

╰┈➤ yn.ln: i try 😔

yn.ln: I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU MY SWEET BOY 🩷

╰┈➤ j.grace: I LOVE YOU MORE PRETTY GIRL <3

piedpiper: giggling bc he doesn’t know that HE’S the side piece @yn.ln

╰┈➤ yn.ln: what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him

╰┈➤ j.grace: i will take this post DOWN

╰┈➤ yn.ln: nuh uh

seaweed.brain: okay, but annabeth can recite more digits of pi than yn 🤷‍♂️

╰┈➤ yn.ln: why are you such a hater

╰┈➤ wise.girl: and how many can YOU recite, percy, hm? 🤨

╰┈➤ yn.ln: GET HIS ASS ANNIE 🗣️🗣️

reyna_ara: i’ll always jump at the chance to look at some pictures of yn 🤭

╰┈➤ yn.ln: reyna ily

╰┈➤ j.grace: i’m blocking everyone but yn, leo, and like, my sister

╰┈➤ thaliyuh: do not think for a SECOND that i don’t also think you’re gf is hot (one chance, yn 🙏)

╰┈➤ j.grace: get out. all of you.

yn.ln: “all da ladies love leo!” no. all the ladies love yn, and their bfs want to be me 💪

╰┈➤ j.grace: i’m deleting this app.

yn.ln uploaded a story!

2 replies!

@ seaweed.brain gag. me. with. a. spoon.

beth saw this & is on her way 😚

🏃💨

—————

@ j.grace. um. forever?? 🤭

well that’s the plan, isn’t it?

you know it, sweetheart

[thehistoriccemetery]

How They Would React to Seeing Your Abusive Parent

Another drabble about everyone’s favorite BG3 ladies: Shadowheart, Karlach, Minthara, and Jaheira. (Sorry Lae’zel simps, I really couldn’t think of her reaction here. If anyone has one please feel free to repost with your own headcannon!)

CW: Past abuse

If anyone has any ideas for more of these, PLEASE comment or send in a request. I’m running out of ideas so fast.

——————————————————————

Shadowheart

Shadowheart was just a kid when she was abducted by the Sharrans. So she understands what it’s like to have such hatred and fear for someone who you can’t help but care about.

She lets you take the lead entirely. If you want to leave, she’ll make an exit. If you want to stay, she’s right beside you. Hells, if you want to see their head roll, her weapon is at the ready.

She doesn’t usually allow for public displays of affection, but she’d wrap you in her arms and carry you if it was what you needed right now. You’ll settle for squeezing her hand when you’re feeling particularly nervous.

She only steps in when your parent moves to approach you. You are trembling, and you squeeze her hand frantically. This is her cue.

Before they can get within 10 feet of you, Shadowheart is in front of you. Four spirits dance around the two of you, guarding you from anyone who dares inch closer.

It is not a threat but a warning. Your parent throws up their hands in understanding. They will not try anything else.

Karlach

It takes everything in her to not just fly into a rage on the spot, but when she looks at you and she sees only fear, she stays calm. You need her under control, so that is what she will be.

When you first told her about everything your parent had done she had asked if you wanted them dead. She was honestly a little disappointed when you said no, but she understood. She would respect your wishes. Your parent could stay alive, for now.

“But I swear on all seven hells if they ever touch you again…”

Karlach stands between you and your parent, not even let them so much as look at you. She pulls the most intimidating stance she can muster. Demonsbane. She could send hells’ mightiest soldiers away with that look.

She keeps a hand on her weapon. Her tail wrapped protectively around you. No one is to so much as lay a hand on you, or they will truly understand what the fury of Avernus means.

Minthara

When you told Minthara about your parent, she asked if you wanted her to kill them. You said if they were to die, then you needed to be the one to kill them. They were your responsibility. It felt cowardly to send in someone in your place.

Still you didn’t want to kill them. The thought made you sick. Parenticide. A burden you would have to carry forever.

Minthara tells you that in drow culture it is considered an honor for a parent to be killed by their child. “They deserve to die with no such honor,” she bites.

“Vengeance can be a bitter pill for such a kind soul,” she told you. “Whatever you cannot bear, I will take from you.”

So it’s not particularly surprising to anyone when you find out your parent is dead under mysterious circumstances.

You do not ask if it was her. She does not tell you. This will not be your burden.

Jaheira

You instinctively gasp and grab at Jaheira’s wrist when you see them. “Stand tall, cub,” she whispers into your ear. “I am with you.”

She rest a hand on your shoulder. She stands right behind you. She is with you. She will not let anything happen to you, but she will not interfere until necessary. She trusts you. You’ve got this.

You’ve always seen her calling you cub as a simple pet name, not so dissimilar to how the elderly innkeep calls everyone honey. Now the name takes on a new meaning. You may be vulnerable, seem like an easy target, but you’ve got a mama bear behind you. And she will fuck up anyone who threatens you.

You find power in her words. No one will hurt you. You feel strong.

[simply-trash5]

heeeyyyy do you happen to do trigun 🥺👉👈 also BNHA DILFs is such a vibe rn can we have sum yummy hcs pretty please 🤤 i can't decide who so dealers choice 🥴

Heyyyy anon sweetie!

Sorry I am just now replying, I have the flu so miss girl is struggling. I am planning to watch Trigun so I don’t do it yet, but please come back soon and request because I will once I watch it ✨

So BNHA DILFs huh? Yummy HC will be under the line.

First and foremost let’s assume that all of my DILFS are divorced DILFs ✨ single and on the prowl…

Let’s start with Daddy OneforAll:

DILF Izuku is that big hunk of man with the boyish charm that has NO IDEA how sexy he truly is. I have this idea about you meeting him in the park while he plays with his kids. His kid will accidentally throw a ball where you are reading a book in the shade of a tree and here he comes to retrieve it. Curls falling in his face, a blush covering his cheeks when he notices your beauty that makes his freckles pop…he will stammer a little when he asks for your number…

Next thing you know you’re in his apartment. He arranged for a sitter for his kids and he took you on a date; now he has you on his couch kissing sweetly on your neck asking you if all of this is okay. His large scarred fingers are playing at the hem of your shirt ready and willing to all but rip it from your body.

DILF Izuku is patient and wants to take his time worshipping every inch of your body when he has you laid in front of him. He treats you like a goddess came to earth just for him as he watches you come undone from his tongue while you beg for him to fuck you mercilessly.

“Don’t worry sweetheart…I’m going to give you exactly what you want. Gonna take care of you…”

Next up DILF Bakugo:

Now I HC you meet him at some event for his children. I think his daughters are dancers and maybe you are their instructor and when he caught sight of you in your tights—all bets were off. He began to flirt here and there until he finally was bold enough to ask for your number and take you out.

Now you are bent over his bed being absolutely wrecked as he is pounding into you with a handful of your hair. He is all muscle and hard planes bent over you growling into your ear—“that’s right, be a good fucking girl ‘f me”

Now once he’s made sure he’s ruined you for anyone else he’s going to spoil the absolute shit out of you and show up at your studio all the time—even on patrols just to give you kisses or food or little gifts he thinks you’ll love because you’re one of his girls now and

“I’ll always take care of my girls…”

Now on to DILF Kirishima!

You meet DILF Kiri at the gym—at kids gym of course! He’s taking his little one to kids gym for a day of fun but he catches sight of you lifting and decides you need a little…help..on your form. So he leaves his little one in the caring hands of the instructors and comes over to ask if you want some help. You are stunned and maybe a little grumpy (which he finds cute) but sure why not. After a little fun banter you ask him for his number because he’s hot and you haven’t had a good fu—I mean date in a while.

One thing leads to another and Kiri has you in a mating press in his bed rubbing circles on your clit with those large fingers. You’re in shambles over his frame pressing on you and his cock hitting that spot so well and he’s cooing how ‘aww pretty girl you are doing so well don’t cry’ as he is wiping your tears. After you have came more times than you can count and he has marked you with his teeth—he cleans you up in a warm shower together and you lay in his soft bed as he strokes your hair and tells you how beautiful you are. You’re whipped and he’s whipped.

Now you’re going to the gym with him and bringing him lunch to the agency and prancing around in Red Riot merch as his little girlie friend. Good thing you’re getting speared by his dick every day that ends in a “y”. You’ll be moving in soon.

DILF simps come get yalls juice—lemme know if you want any other DILFs ✨❤️

[who-can-touch-my-boob]

<- Sanemi simp posts masterlist

✨ based on this request here

Dad!Sanemi x male reader

This was requested and I lowkey find myself loving the idea of Sanemi with a man s/o because tbh he seems too exasperated with most women (and men too tbh).

But I headcanon that he falls in love with a man who’s gentle and kind, but also firm and puts Sanemi in his place.

The fact that he found men attractive didn’t really bother him, he’d never cared about what people thought about him. Surprisingly to him, everyone seemed to take the news of his choice of mate well.

“Hey, not that I care, but why the fuck was everyone so chill and not-surprised when I introduced you as my husband?”

Sanemi turns to his s/o with a pouty expression, his hand tightening slightly as he holds his spouse’s.

“Well, Sanemi… you kind of give off a certain vibe…” his s/o trails off, ignoring the glaring sideglance. Instead he stops in his step, playfully twirl Sanemi around and pull him into his chest — causing a blush to spread out on the wind hashira’s face.

“Now listen here you jackass, don’t go fucking twirling me around like some damsel or imma,” Sanemi’s words are cut short by his husbands lips and despite himself, Sanemi returns the kiss with a sigh of exasperation.

“I’m not listening when you curse like that.” His s/o laughs heartily and clasp his hand with Sanemi’s again as they make their way back home.

At home, where their very energetic daughter awaits her fathers. Despite her not sharing any DNA with her parents, Sanemi somehow still managed to make her into a spitting image of himself.

•

And Sanemi (a self-proclaimed expert at handling children because of his past), thinks he’s clearly the “paternal role” has unconsciously taken the more “maternal role”, to his s/o’s amusement.

“Sanemi, my love… are you baking again?”

The man in question, currently holding his daughter on his hip with one arm while simultaneously stirring a batter with the other turns around to greet his husband with a smile only a few get to see.

“She wanted cinnamon rolls AND cupcakes, how am I supposed to say no?” Sanemi ask in a matter-of-factly tone before continuing. With an affectionate eye roll, his s/o walks up to the pair and wrap his arms around Sanemi from behind. “I understand, I too find it impossible to say no that little cutie.”

•

However as much as his s/o loves how much their daughter seems to take after Sanemi, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. She too has a short temper and occasional violent tendencies.

“You need to watch how you behave and speak in front of our daughter, Sanemi. She’s only four years old and I heard her say the f-word… and she beat up the neighbour kid.”

His s/o watch as both Sanemi and their little girl turn around simultaneously with the same scowling expression.

Which his husband finds to be incredibly adorable, but also very worrying at the same time.

“The fuck you mean by that, huh?”

Tbh this is a whole ass mess and sorry if I didn’t hit the mark as the anon requested (I’ve never really written requests before)

[darlingdeeceased]

Dear chicken run fandom

Look, we are all weirdos. I am openly someone who is attracted to Mrs Tweedy, and sometimes we all get too much. But MY GOD, some of you need to get it through your skull that this is a children’s movie. It may be dark, and may be griddy at times, but it is also a movie that was advertised for children. There were books for children, this was a movie made for children. You probably know who and what I am talking about if you saw my Mrs Tweedy post simply exclaiming that I love her.

I do admit in that post I was aggressive but for fucks sake!! There are kids here, children. Children who we shouldn’t talk to about sex or talk about it around them. I have met people in this fandom who are under 15, this fandom is mainly minors. I’m not gonna call this person directly out, because honestly the fact they didn’t understand that this is a fandom with minors in it baffles me and I don’t want to deal with them. I really just wanted to put it out there that some of you need to understand that THERE ARE KIDS HERE! Like, it’s a no brainer. People are always talking about minors invading adult spaces, and how minors shouldn’t be there. YOU shouldn’t be in minor spaces, you can like Bluey, or chicken run, or whatever the fuck you like I do not care but do not bring your:

NSFW.

Adult conversations.

And adult subjects

Into those spaces. For fucks sake it’s that easy, it says a lot about you as a person if you can’t understand that. Chicken run has minors in it, a bunch of minors. Because, omg totally “new” concept, minors are on the internet. Woah, kids exist and it’s like they have every fucking right to a NSFW FREE SAFE SPACE.

I get simping, being like “omg step on me” to an extent BUT MY FUCKING GOD. Bringing up sex or a woman's breasts and body on posts that have nothing to do with that subject matter is disgusting. I get the second one, Melishas body changed but the fact you pointed out her boobs directly is gross.

Please, for the love god, a lot of you need to tag your shit correctly and realize these fandoms have minor in them. It fucks people up man, and that’s not on the minors for finding that content. It’s on you, the adult, for exposing them to said content.

Please also go check out @melishatweedy and @pant-eater rants on this, because they are genuinely way better than mine and probably don’t have spelling errors. (Sorry for the @‘s)

and again, can’t stress this enough, minors deserve safe spaces. You as an adult are responsible to keep those places safe in fandom that revolve around media directed to minors. Get your shit together and tag your shit correctly.

If anyone wants to know the full context, I am happy to explain in DMs btw.

[the-slutty-farmer]

hello! i loved your sleeping positions headcanons for the fields of mistria characters 🥹 i was wondering if you could make relationship hcs for Hayden specifically? NSFW would be a nice addition but it’s up to you, thanks! 🙏🙏

HELLO MY FIRST ANON <3 <3 <3 I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! I hope its what you were looking for<3 I did my best to keep it gender neutral :-) MNDI, NSFW headcanons are under the cut CW not super descriptive, but does mention the following: sex, oral (m and f receiving), breeding kink, dirty talk, praising

🌾Relationship Headcanons for Hayden🌾

CHIVALROUS

He’s opening doors for you, walking on the inside of the road, pulling out chairs, he’s draping his coat over you shoulders when you even so much as LOOK a wee bit chilly

He WILL be walking you home from every date. Even if it's out of his way, he will say that it isn't, and as your man it is his duty to see that you are home safe and sound

Not a jealous guy

If some traveler at the Inn flirts with you he doesn’t mind, just smiles because he is very secure in your relationship. He isn’t afraid to step in and tell them to back off if they’re persistent and making you uncomfy, tho

Literally the sweetest sweetie to ever sweet

The rare times you do argue or fight he is always the first to apologize, because he hates that you're upset, and in his eyes upsetting you is enough of a bad deed to apologize

His love language is acts of service

It brings him a lot of pride and sense of fulfillment to provide for you and take care of you (not that you’re not a strong and independent individual, you are, and it’s one of the many things he loves about you)

He’s just very giving, and wants to make your life as easy as possible. He loves coming over after his chores are done to help you with yours, after all many hands make light work. The less work you have to do means you have more time to spend with him

He’s also a big fan of touching you, as in he literally has to be constantly connected with you in some way

Most often he has an arm around your shoulders, hand on your lower back, or fingers intertwined with yours

Not afraid of a little PDA. He probably won't be seen making out with you in the town square, but he's proud to show off that you're his and he's yours

Loves that you love his daughter (Henrietta lol) in his eyes you are not the step parent, you are the parent that stepped up lmao

His favorite way to spend a lazy, rainy day is with you and Henrietta, curled up on the sofa, munching popcorn, and talking the day away

NSFW Headcanons

Okay maybe his real favorite way to spend a lazy rainy day is between the sheets and inside of you lol

BREEDING KINK BREEDING KINK BREEDING KING (king was a typo but honestly it fits so it stays)

Its not a secret that he really wants a family to call his own that I just know this man would love to knock you up. Now if you don’t want children/cannot have children he will obviously respect your boundaries, but hey, it’s still fun to pretend that you’re going to make him a daddy😉 Right???

Seriously, when he’s inside you if you let out a breathy “please put a baby in me” he’s cumming EXPEDITIOUSLY

Okay I want to say he’s a god at aftercare but I’m so sorry he’s just not

That’s not to say he doesn’t do aftercare, he absolutely does!!! But goddess love him, he’s so sleepy after sex. He pours his heart and soul into loving you and damn it if it doesn’t tucker a man out!!!

He’ll make sure you’re cleaned up and comfy, but then he’s getting you both snugged up for a nice nap and he will be out and snoring in like five minutes lol

He is a VOCAL MAN

He is groaning and moaning the whole time, and dare I say maybe praising you every once in a while?

who am I kidding the man is your number one simp, and he is in your ear literally the whole time talking about "you feel so good around me, darlin'", "you're so good for me baby", and "fuck, you're incredible"

He’s more of a giver than a receiver tbh

Now obvi he loves when his love gives him head, but he would really prefer to be the one helping you out (acts of service, remember??)

And damn it if he’s not amazing at it :’-) my man is a MUNCH

I’ll leave you with one more thread of thought: he doesn’t fuck, he makes love (most of the time lol)

He’d rather have you slow and sensual. He’s not a man who can be rushed; he wants to really to take his time with you. He wants to lay you down on the bed, he wants to worship your body, he wants to connect on an intimate and deep level with you

That being said, sometimes he just needs to bend you over behind the barn for a quickie lmao I mean can you blame him??

[bihansthot]

GIRL, HE LOOKS FINE

My friend said some of the characters faces are revealed already, Tanya, Umgadi, Reiko and Motaro will also be in mk1 Tarkatans are not a race they got inflicted by a disease. THE HELL IS HAPPENING WHAT ABOUT KUAI LIANG and I also saw rain and ngl I prefer mk11 Rain.

I’m screaming about Reiko, literally screaming! I’m so shooketh right now, do the kids still use that word? Who knows I’m old and a little buzzed. Reiko! I’m so excited! I absolutely love him, not the same way I love Bi-Han of course but would I ride him into next week?? Absolutely!!

I… I don’t know about Kuai Liang, I have no clue what they’re doing with him, we know thanks to Kenshi he exists but we don’t know how he exists. Boon is hiding things from us!!

I think I like MK1 Rain better but they look pretty similar I think? Again I’m buzzed and didn’t get a great look but he looks good so he can come on my adventure of Sol Sleeps With Everyone in MK1.

I need help y’all, why is everyone so hot? Mileena and Kitana are so pretty, Li Mei gorge, Tanya? Total Babe. All the guys! All of them. Yes even fucking Scorpion too… fuck how many shots am I on? Who cares I’m celebrating my liver being healthy and not having cancer so sorry if I’m acting a fool tonight lovelies.

PS I’m not sorry, I’m so going to end up simping for Smoke and Reiko too, Bi-Han will have to learn how to share.

Also Smoke! Have I mentioned him yet? He’s baby boy 😭

[finniestoncrane]

Finnie, my lovely gal, if it’s not too much to ask could I get a uhhh… no.9 with a side of you’re-a-really-awesome-writer jalapeño poppers and an extra sweet master-of-simp-fics iced tea please?

So I’m a Latina from Texas, but I am whiter than a damn ghost until around summertime where I get a little bit of a tan. ☀️ I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and I am somehow on the spectrum but not really (you can thank my psychiatrist) 🙃 I’m into drawing stuff especially if it’s fantastical and/or creepy. I like reading, gaming, doing stuff online, playing on my phone and lots of other stuff I rarely have time for 😅 Creepy stuff is my jam, as well as the colors pink and black and some cute things here and there. I love almost all types of music but I’m a BIG fan of classic rock and I love early 2000’s punk, Pour Some Sugar On Me is my favorite song while Green Day is my favorite band! Horror movies fill me with joy, not even kidding. I love weird facts and information. True crime stuff slaps 👌🏼Comedy shows like Friends and Golden Girls also slap 👋🏼 I have an eyebrow piercing, 5 tattoos (4 small, 1 big that was for my Nanna) and I definitely want more 😂😅 I have dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, a scar on my back from spinal fusion surgery and I’m pretty proud of it tbh!

I’m sorry for rambling and I hope I didn’t add too much ❤️🥲

🎀 No.9: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone 🎀

tell me a little bit about yourself and i'll give you a rogue pairing a/n: ah peach this is perfect, i already knew lots about you but this was great because i know exactly who i would give you lmao💚 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k

ok so let's break this the fuck down!

first off, i think this particular crane is an absolute beast when it comes to mental health, so not only would he find it absolutely fascinating to be able to work with you, he could also prove to be very valuable in helping you to do some healing... or he might be mean about it, just depends on his mood i guess

i think this jon is probably a fan of classical music, but there's something about the dirty, nasty, loud vibes of punk that would get him going and the general horror/gore emotions that the songs/bands/music tend to evoke would be right up his street. he'd probably tell you how the different movements in "jesus of suburbia" really echo the movements often found in a lot of symphonies, and then request to bang you to it

artistic expression is something he would admire in a partner, or even a close friend. i don't imagine he's very artisitic himself, but he holds a deep appreciation for artwork, especially if it's on the spooky side, and especially if it's related to a beloved horror movie

which, speaking of, he'd the biggest horror movie fan ever? like canonically, the man is a buff, a dork, an obsessive loser over horror movies. having someone to get equally as geeked out over them with would bring him so much joy!!

hello true crime fan, it's probably not great for your anxiety, and he will nag you a little bit about that, but he wouldn't be above creating some reading materials for you if it's been a slow week, if you catch his drift...

he has a great sense of humour, if not slightly weird... but he strikes me as the kind of guy who has lines from shows memorised and who will use them at the worst times, making everything he says even creepier. so a binge refresh would be a perfect couple's activity! that way the next time he has someone held at knife point, teasing them to watch them sweat, he can make "could you be any more scared" the most terrifying reference to chandler bing ever. what an accomplishment!

[queer-cosette]

tell us about your favourite line from the fic you can't share in the guild!!

[Mia please know that I am spiritually giving you the BIGGEST hug right now 🩷🩷🩷]

Honestly, it might be the fact that she swoons at the obscure 19th century French poetry of all things that makes him realize that yeah, another girl in another town is infatuated with him, but, shit, this time he is infatuated right back.

Okay so there's a lot of stuff in The Fic that I really love so far, mostly because I love thinking about what if JD and Veronica had got the chance to just be two kids falling in love instead of accidentally committing murder, but this bit is possibly one of my favourites thus far. JD is so cool in the cafeteria scene, I love imagining that under the surface he's actually going oh my god I need to impress her so bad and freaking out slightly because he's never had a crush before (2023 is gonna be the year of demisexual JD and no one can change my mind).

ANYWAY he's such a fucking DORK and he disguises that behind a trenchcoat and motorcycle boots and an 'I don't care' attitude and then he meets Veronica and it turns out she's as bad as he is, and is actually in fact WORSE at hiding the fact that she's secretly a nerd, and he pretty much immediately starts simping for her as a result. There's a very cute bit later on where they discuss Les Mis and it's. yeah.

Veronica looks delighted. “I love that book! It’s, um, kind of embarrassing now, but back in Freshman year I would sometimes sit in my garden and pretend I was Cosette, waiting for my Marius to leave pages of handwritten poetry for me.” JD laughs at that, because it’s adorable, and fits so well with everything he knows about her, nerdy daydreamer that she’s turned out to be. “Sorry to disappoint you; I don’t think I’m much of a Marius.”

(I know that is more than just one line I've shared but. fuck me it might be the cutest thing I've ever written.) I was sitting there like. Would either of them have read Les Mis? Is that in character? and well. yeah. They're both canonically fans of Charles Baudelaire, and Veronica is literally introduced as being a nerdy overachiever who is hanging all her hopes on getting into an Ivy League school. And speaking from experience, that book doubles as a pretty effective weapon, and I think JD would like that.

Honestly there's so much cute stuff in this fic, but unfortunately (for Discussing Reasons) there is also a lot of VERY saucy stuff in with the cute bits, so there's a lot that I can't share in the Guild and also a lot that I'm too shy to outright share on here without the buffer of an AO3 link 😅

Thank youuuuuuuuu🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[skeepy-deepy34]

✿~𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝~✿

Hello my name's skeepy ^^ but you can also call me:

-skeeper

-skeep

-Anastasia

-cherry

If you know me irl please don’t use my real name…

Basic Info

-she/her/they/them/it

-British,Irish,Scottish

-minor (13-15)

-i AM the ceo of cowboys and cinemas I just love them smsm aughhh…

-lesbian,ambiamours and genderfaer

-I draw things and sometimes tween and edit when I feel like it :}

-also #1 Mr dickens fan hehe...

Fandoms (bold = main fandoms)

Dialtown

The black phone

Resident evil

Fnaf (mainly movie)

Vocaloid

Everything is fine

Dear even Hansen

Detroit become human

Mortal kombat

The last of us

Heathers

The Stanley parable

American psycho

IT

stranger things

Crk

Aggretsuko

Spider man across the spider verse

Nimona

And inside job

(Lots of fandoms I’m in…)

DNI...

-proshippers

-homophobs,racists and etc

-ranorm shippers…

-norm x Mingus fans are legit on VERY THIN ICE (I am heavily uncomfortable with the ship for loads of reason (one being REALLY personal to me) but not saying you can’t interact with me,just make sure to properly tag your norm x Mingus posts and I won’t mind)

Also on another note I don’t mind PLATONIC norm and Mingus since I find them as found siblings who constantly argue but as romantic… no absolutely not..

-z00philes,p£dos and etc

-people who sexualize/simp for the basement boys (tbp) I'm sorry but y'all are fucking weirdos those are KIDS

-people who constantly criticize/bash beginner artists

Nothing fandom wise on the dni ^_^

Just dont be a asshole and we ok

Also if you don't like cowboys and cinemas this account is NOT for you pretty much most posts are about them so like... Yeah

!!SIDE NOTE!!:

I rarely block people but when I do it’s pretty freely,if your blocked you most likely either posted something that made me really uncomfortable,you done things to me/my friends or your being a absolute dickhead n allat as I mentioned I rarely block people so like- eh

Silly facts about me!!

-I met matpat on a school trip once!!

-I have three cats (they are all stupid)

I sprayed bleach in my mouth and survived

-when writing sentences I sometimes forget to add words/place wrong words (don't ask me how that happens it just does-) so if I type to you and it seems that It doesn't make sense that's why and my sincere apologies (;_;)

-my birthday is July 25th!!

-i forgor 💀

Persona!!

Stinky

Oh yeah I also have a selfship oc 'now!!

Why the fuck is he so pixelated is that just me

Oh shit and another one :0

Other socials you can find me on!!

Tiktok

Twitter (I don’t give a fuck if it’s called X now)

Character hub (if yall wanna know most of my my ocs ^^)

Discord- dm for pls..

Pinterest

Strawpage

PLS I NEED GIMMICKS... 🙁

Anyways that’s all about me!! If yall have questions let me know ^^

[lemonthepotato]

So I finished Helluva Boss today. I like to make notes when I consume a piece of media. I never said those notes were peak maturity. Far from.

Enter.

Two seconds in: holy shit is that MORDERCAI?? 😰😰😰😰 no wayyyyyyyy.

And that kids, is how you traumatise a class of kids. I mean, I know I’m meant to feel bad for… whatever her name is, but those poor children 😭

HELP I LAUGHED LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN SHE THAT KID GOT CHOKEHELD IM A MONSTER OMG. IM SORRY 😭 it was just so funny 2 me I’m so so sorry.

She’s kinda hot tho when she’s a demon. Ngl.

I need the furry wolf’s number. IMMEDIATELY. I am DOWN BAD.

Is that fucking… stock horror music? HAHAHA- no no I’m imagining it, but imagine if it was.

HES BRITISH. THE BATHTUB GUY IS BRITISH. [ :) ]

BRUH. HES DOWN BAD, EVEN AFTER THE SHIT HES STILL RAMBLING ON?? HIRE A HOOKER!! GOD ITS ALWAYS… [ :) ]

HAHAHA. L. L MOXIE L. The family just died anyway that’s a fucking LlLlLlLlLlL.

Closing thoughts: give me the satanic wolfs number immediately. I am down bad rn.

Rating: 3/5.

It kept me entertained, and hooked.

Episode 2:

This song reminds me of a particular band, I just don’t know what. There’s a certain “style” that’s familiar to it. I don’t know what.

Yeah I just. I saw that exact thing coming. Something going wrong, and something going wrong fast.

Octavia is just like me except my dad hates me and is just as unstable as my mom.

Okay so here’s my question: his eyes. Uhhh, the British bathtub guy. I forgot. It’s full red, is that his iris? How huge is his range of vision? Because MINE? Hun-knee, I have visual snow syndrome and shit eyesight, I’m nearsighted, this [ :) ] fucker see I’m Irish so this is a personal attack on me.

If you become a demon when you die, are their kids biological or did they die too?… dark thought.

Is there another… character that isn’t Moxie? Because I don’t care to remember his name tbh. So I’ll call him ‘Not Moxie’.

Blitzo, Stolas, I get it mixed up. And I can’t tell who Moxie is and who… the other one is. Moxie has a high voice, right??? I don’t know. I’ll learn it eventually.

Imagine your dad loving you. Couldn’t be me. Ever. Now I’m shedding. Skin or tears? You decide. (I shed my skin when emotional, like a snake. HISSSS)

Thoughts: Poor Via.

Ranking: 3/5. I liked it, I guess.

Episode 3:

God damn it why are all the female demons so hot. Damn you episode. I mean, *ahem* hello senora. ;)

I think my favourite characters so far are uh… what’s her name? Something -ica, and uh…….. the asshole. What was his name? Is he Stolas or Blitzo? I keep forgetting. 😭

Can I call her Titanic? No reason. She just looks like a… Titanic. Surely there are kids called that. (Rereading this I had a reason for this but I don’t fucking remember what the fuck?)

Blitzo. Gotta remember that. Blitzo. Ok. I’ve got it.

…UH OH. IVE BEEN CAUGHT. HELP THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK CREEPED ME OUT OK IM SORRY FOR BEING A SIMP IM SORRY.

Overall thoughts: None.

Ranking: 5/5. It was my favourite episode so far.

Episode 4

Uh… I liked how the piano switched places just to fall on his head? Yeah this episode kinda was meh.

2/5.

Episode 5:

Yeah I didn’t care much for this either.

2/5. Maybe I’m not paying attention enough.

Episode 6:

Okay so Red girl (what I’ve been calling in my head) is called Millie.

“Ee-dough” it’s pronounced Eh-doe period. In Japanese, ‘e’ means the ‘eh’ sound.

Is that. I was right, that’s just House Of Leaves or whatever?? It’s not bad to use horror stock music just funny.

Ohhh, Stolas is the bathtub guy. I think I’m developing a sexual attraction to him. Not as much as I was down bad for Loona. And the other one. Ika. I’m calling her Ika. Wait, Verosika?

Episode 7:

Okay… I am now realising that Moxie and Millie are married. I’m kinda dumb.

Season 2:

Lmao M&M.

HELP STOP GASLIGHTING MOXXIE INTO THINKING HES FAT EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO HIM SHHSHSHS

Ah yes, the angel dust treatment. “Harder.”

Bro the pain of someone typing and then not responding.

Ok… why is season one episode 8 only out now? Huh? I don’t understand… (I checked the desc, nvm my words)

The mean girls reference XD.

I’ve heard of holding your breath, but not under honey?

The more I hear Kesha-

You: Her name is Beelzebub

Me: Anyway Kesha

The more I hear her, the more I might develop a Keshaccent. She’s cool but she seems like the kind of girl who would’ve bullied me for being autistic in high school.

So this takes place after uh… what happened again? I forgot. The night at the… lust club? Yeah whatever I forgot. Obvious from the start, just forget what exactly happened… anyway, how the fuck can Blitzo DIE ALONE?! HES IN HELL! You need a cold shower man…

Overall thoughts: I liked it. I’d give it a 7/10. I thought I wouldn’t like it, but I also thought that about XRA… I liked some characters, and even the ones that are like- beyond horrible people (like stella) I found entertaining to watch at the very least.

Pro’s:

- I liked the characters relationships with each other in various episodes. It made for comedic, or sometimes sad situations.

- I rarely found myself bored.

- It was pretty okay.

Cons:

- Some of the humour bordered on whiplash. Going from an emotional scene to comedic can be… really distracting. It wasn’t too much of an issue. I guess it’s intended as comic relief. Some of the humour was also immature which can throw some people off but I didn’t mind, I like vulgarity.

- Honestly, I can’t think of much else to critique. It was pretty good. It just didn’t impress me, or wow me, or make me feel much other than ‘oh, that’s sad’ or ‘oh, that’s funny’. But that’s okay.

Edit: I forgot to watch the pilot episode… and a new episode dropped today. So yeah, did that, been there. It’s been there did that, not… did that been- ugh why do I care about the semantics of this?

Edit: This post was a year and a half ago how was I this cringe? Never mind, I have some theories on why. You can really tell I wasn’t paying attention huh. I like how I refer to Stolas as ‘British Bathtub guy.’ It’s not inaccurate. It’s weird cuz I feel so neutral about Stolas now. Like they could never make me form an opinion on you. <3 Also I apologise for the British jokes. All comments have been replaced by a :) emote.

[kakashiislut]

please PLEASEEE do heimdall SIMPING OVER A THICK THICK SEXY MAMACITA PLEAAASEE(please take your time,luv you gurl)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I Love Reading the “luv you gurl” in a funny way 💕💕

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Warnings: simping. Sexy simping over a sexy mommy. Also sorry I’m on crack at 3 am.

Authors Note: Heimdall hornyness.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Just a blurb~ Heimdall X Thick!Reader

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh he’s absolutely horrible and he knows it. He’s out of his mind, but he can’t stop looking and he can’t stop staring and he can’t stop thinking. If he even does use his stupid head.

The thighs. THE THIGHSS. He wants them, he’s never seen anything like them before and he NEEDS them. Of course she’s way too good for him. Way too tall, way too thick, with a tummy he wants to smack his face into and just sleep on.

And the boobs? Oh he’s a dog. Barking. Yearning. Growling. He wants to stick his dick between them and thrust. How? He doesn’t even know if that’s possible.

So he does what he shouldn’t do. He pretends to drop something Infront of your room door when it’s open. Bends down to pick it up and acts like he didn’t see you when you greet him.

“Oh hey Y/N. Just dropping my stuff, which I usually never do, I’m not clumsy or anything- unless you like them clumsy- shit”

You’ve caught him staring. So many times. SO. MANY. TIMES.

You’ve even raised an eyebrow at him and literally asked him “what chu looking at, boy” making him do a full 180 and walk away.

But when he’s in??? Oh he’s in.

You’ve finally let him do stuff to you. Finally let him suck on your nipples and scratch at your thighs. He’s sits funny when he fucks your chest and he gets mad when you make fun of the height difference. Who cares. He’s cute.

He purrs.

It’s comes from his chest and his eyes flash all sorts of colors.

He wants you to sit on him and ride him.

He has his dirty hands all over your boobies (boobies hehe) squeezing them and knocking them together.

Oh he’s feral.

And tired.

He fell asleep after and you just stared at him.

But he’s cute. You think he’s cute…and maybe his dick is way too big for his body and maybe…just maybe….JUST MAYBE- you might fancy him a little. Just a baby crush.

A small one.

(It’s a very big crush, you guys get married and have kids and die old)

[sixosix]

Hi there!

I recently just discovered your page and omfg I love the writing sm 🫠

AhEm. If I may request a small drabble, I thought of bakugo meeting the reader while he's working with todo and deku, if possible a female reader <3

They're probably out on a patrol for endeavor and he stumbles upon her from another agency and catches himself simping bc 😼 let's be honest I feel like he can be a real simp sometimes if it's the right person. (COUGH COUGH US)

Mwahs <3

a/n i love ur pfp so much :( <3 izuku is just the cutest, wc 1k

in your defense, you genuinely did not know, nor did you consider the possibility of it ever happening—even in another universe, or the alternate timelines in those universes! because if someone told you:

hey, did you know that that ua student bakugou katsuki will ask you out on a date today?

you would laugh and cackle as if that someone just cracked a knee-slapping joke, and you would tell them that they should sleep more or seek a psychiatrist. because that is bullshit and false information and you are not like papa. 

but this universe is bullshit so the last things you expect to happen, all happen on the same day.

a villain attack at your school

you gape at the towering heap of charred rubble—your supposed-to-be school building, which had seven floors, complete with a pretty view from the rooftop—in front of you, like if you stare at it longer it will reveal itself as an illusion and you can go back to school.

your bag slips from your arms as you yell, “are you fucking kidding me?”

today was supposed to be a good day. exams finished and you’re free from schoolwork and activities, now welcome to come back to the slow pace of lazy school days—but you can’t have that in a school building that doesn’t exist.

“wish i fuckin’ was,” a gruff voice replies.

2. for the bakugou katsuki to be one of the heroes who arrived at the scene.

“oh— holy—uh,” you snatch your bag from the ground, staring dumbfoundedly as bakugou appraises you with one eyebrow raised. “i’m sorry, i didn’t see you there.”

but instead of laughing at your fast 180, bakugou grins wolfishly. “you’re not supposed to be here, princess. how did you get here? you feeling risky or just plain stupid?”

you can’t help the sharp glare. “don’t play with me. how was i supposed to know that you heroes were too shitty to prevent mass destruction?”

sirens wail from behind. from the corner of your eyes, you see deku and shouto guiding the civilians affected to emergency vehicles—while, of course, dynamight doesn’t bother because he’d rather not do that when he has two shitty extras to do it.

bakugou snorts. “ha. say that to endeavor’s face, not mine.” he tilts his head back but still meets your stare; you feel a little tingly from the sensation of having all of his attention on you. didn’t they say that he doesn’t bother with people he doesn't know? “why? you think you can do a better job?”

…is this flirting?

is he flirting with you right now or are you just blinded by the extremely attractive smirk on bakugou’s face?

“aren’t you supposed to help them gather civilians?” you murmur, and you hope bakugou doesn’t catch on the way your heart is tumbling around. “you’re just proving me right the longer you talk to me here.”

bakugou’s ruby eyes roam around your face. “shitty heroes don’t check on civilians to see if they’re injured.” piercing doesn’t seem to be enough of an adjective for bakugou’s eyes—it’s more like a rush of air getting snatched from your lungs. “good thing i’m the goddamn best.”

this guy…

“well?” you raise your arms and he very much checks you out without shame. “am i injured?”

obviously, you’re not. but you might as well play along while you’re at it.

“no.” he grins, all sharp teeth and charm. “you’re free to go. too bad your school’s nothing but pointless right now so you have nothing to do today.”

he quirks an expectant eyebrow and you gape at him.

“are you—are you asking me out?”

3. getting asked out by the most handsome ua student that you were smitten with when catching the sports festivals.

katsuki grunts, gauntlets nearly hitting todoroki’s face as he rages. “so you’re telling me that we weren’t even fucking needed to beat the criminal? why am i here then? to play patty cake?”

“it’s not just about beating the villain, bakugou,” icyhot says, melting the frost that began to cover his hand. so annoying.

stupid deku splutters, hands flailing, “kacchan i’m so sorry!”

“yeah, you better be!” he snarls at him, hands itching and restless as tiny sparks start to come off. and he can’t even relieve it because shitty deku already caught the fucker before the rest arrived at the scene.

icyhot shakes his head. “don’t apologize, midoriya. it’s not your fault that you ran into the villain. i’m glad you’re safe.”

katsuki rolls his eyes while deku wails a garbled, “todoroki-kun!”

a medic waves at them. “hey, you three! you’re heroes, right? help us round up everyone!”

deku straights, “coming!”

todoroki nods, “yes.”

katsuki scoffs, spinning around halfway to leave the area. “i’m gonna check something.”

from what he could see, the damage is more on the building than the civilians. the quirk, although weaker, was similar to shigaraki’s. but deku and icyhot (while endeavor beat the shit out of the person who attempted to sneak an explosive into a high school) evacuated everyone inside.

he sees someone standing across the mess.

“are you fucking kidding me?”

katsuki finds himself relating to that.

and as he studies your flustered face at his unexpected arrival, he finds himself thinking… well… you aren’t too bad.

you have a mouth on you, too. playing fire with fire.

he’s never seen you around before, and he’d be damned if he doesn’t see you again because things will get boring again.

unfortunately, katsuki couldn’t hear your answer, because endeavor is roaring, and deku and todoroki are frantically looking for him (more on deku with the frantic part).

“oi,” he yells at you while he’s being dragged away, and you’re still staring at him with pretty cute wide eyes, “that cafe over there. you better be there in an hour, got it!?”

you’re out of earshot by now, but katsuki can see the way you nod dazedly; he smiles to himself, like a pleased cat.

“kacchan, why is your face red? are you okay? are you sick? a quirk? did that girl do something to you?”

“shut the fuck up, i have a date later.”

a/n UMMMM tbh i feel like this isnt exactly what u requested but i got really inspired by the 'out on a patrol' scene and bakugou immediately taking an interest -- hopefully without it being too ooc

but thank u for reading (´ ε ` )♡

[marichive]

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐕𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐒

A compilation of ridiculous things my and my friends’ muses have said to each other via wire rp. Change pronouns/etc. as necessary.

tw for light drug mentions, violence mentions, other non-PG shenanigans.

❝ I’m going to fight [name]’s boyfriend and none of you can stop me. ❞

❝ Uh, I think the fuck not.❞

❝ He’s a menace to society. ❞

❝ Respectfully . . . or not, idc, your kid’s being a little bitch. ❞

❝ Come sort your kids out, they’re being little shits again. ❞

❝ This is all your fault [name]. ❞

❝ He said I look like a chicken. ❞

❝ All of you are dumb as fuck. ❞

❝ Why are you getting banned from Applebees, bro? ❞

❝ We’re all consenting to this ass-kicking. ❞

❝ Are we about to Hunger Games fight for the family spot? ❞

❝ No one asked you low-grade John Cena. ❞

❝ Watch your mouth chicken shit! ❞

❝ Jokes on you I’ve been bullied my whole life this is nothing. ❞

❝ Maybe one day the crazy old dude will snap and try to drown y’all. ❞

❝ [name] is the brain but on cocaine. ❞

❝ Not your business. Only cool shit allowed. ❞

❝ We know what he allows over there, don’t we [name]. ❞

❝ Forgot how to use a condom once. Voila. ❞

❝ No one here understands shirts apparently. ❞

❝ Shut up noodle arms. ❞

❝ I asked you to have my back and you chose chaos. ❞

❝ What kind of fucking shoes? ❞

❝ You can full government name me all you want. ❞

❝ There can be no peace. ❞

❝ Sorry [name] I don’t speak stupid. ❞

❝ He stole my dad, there is no mercy. ❞

❝ I had a cute little bum and great hair. ❞

❝ Takes one to know one. “Please senpai [name], notice me! Shut up. ❞

❝ [name]’s about to McFreakin Lose It I can sense it. ❞

❝ Am I the drama? I don’t think I’m the drama. ❞

❝ Goodbye now [name] I’m over you. ❞

❝ You can’t quit me. I’m like an unwanted baby.❞

❝ Childhood trauma said otherwise. ❞

❝ If y’all had just let me fight him in the damn Applebees parking lot. ❞

❝ Even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m sorry about what happened. ❞

❝ Please come snap my neck. ❞

❝ Ew you and [name] are going at it. That’s gross. ❞

❝ This family is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE. ❞

❝ You don’t get a tattoo for someone like that unless you’re whipped. ❞

❝ I pray for that boy. ❞

❝ I’ll be sure to personally deliver these to your boyfriend. ❞

❝ It’s okay dude. It’s just a box of condoms. Don’t let it get to you. ❞

❝ Toughen us up? How? In the bedroom!? ❞

❝ Just take the trauma and get it over with jfc. ❞

❝ Wrap your willy before you get silly. ❞

❝ I’m choosing to ignore that bullshit altogether, thanks. ❞

❝ I just wanna know what they’re scheming about, so I’m scheming.❞

❝ I see simp, I say simp. ❞

❝ Can’t believe “Jiffy Lube” is the name of an actual company. It just sounds like someone found an alternative, horrible use for peanut butter. ❞

❝ “You’re so dramatic” yeah I just watched my brother’s dick get called a fucking aubergine. ❞

❝ I will bludgeon you with a crunchwrap. ❞

❝ Talking bad about myself is so fun dude. I hate that bitch. ❞

❝ [name] kicked me in the dick. ❞

❝ Did you touch [name]’s boyfriend’s nunchuck!? ❞

❝ What did she say? Does that mean “bitch”? I feel like it means bitch. ❞

❝ Does that mean Dracula was a secret fuckboy in the italian translation? ❞

❝ Headlight right to the dick. He deserves it. ❞

❝ You’re offering to let him kick you in the face? ❞

❝ I just said you shouldn’t fight a bear, you’re the one that made this personal. ❞

❝ I’m gonna hit [name] with my car. ❞

❝ WHY DID YOU INSTANTLY BLAME ME!?❞

❝ [name], tell me you don’t like [name] more than me and we’ll be good. ❞

❝ I don’t know what [name] wants, my dick kicked or a kiss. ❞

❝ A couple of virgins pointing fingers. ❞

❝ [name] and her boner can shut up. ❞

❝ Heard you had sex. Congrats you virgin. ❞

❝ Who are you swapping pants with? ❞

❝ No, not murder. I think. ❞

❝ First you think I’m mafia, now you think I have a ninja army? ❞

❝ Baby powder is a hell of a drug. ❞

❝ The other 20% is we all actually get along pretty well. Usually when we’re doing cool power rangers shit. ❞

❝ I’m gonna choke him out. ❞

❝ Would you be upset if I physically fight your father? ❞

❝ You told her to get DUREX? I’m going to kill you. ❞

❝ [name] be strong! Do it for Voltron! ❞

❝ You have violated the Geneva Convention I hope you’re happy. ❞

❝ C’mon [name]. Be there for your girl’s first weenie experience.❞

❝ I’m so horny and angry all the time. ❞

❝ I’m a short king so shut that down. ❞

❝ Any catastrophes today? Do I need to cause another? It’s too quiet. ❞

❝ If there are no problems I will make myself a problem. No one is here to stop me. ❞

❝ So the In-N-Out makes you jealous, but not the fact that I said I would tattoo [name]’s name on my ass in italian? ❞

❝ stfu you had a tiddy tat for your ex. ❞

❝ Now it’s a tiddy reaper thanks. ❞

❝ You guys wanna commit arson? ❞

❝ I’m not smart enough to leave. ❞

❝ The ancient philosophical question. How much simp should a good simp simp? ❞

❝ idk sounds like you just expressed intent to choke me. ❞

❝ I told a short joke and you made it about feet! ❞

❝ “Fragile princess feet” sounds like you know them intimately and I couldn’t blow past it!❞

❝ Never use the word “intimately” in my presence again! ❞

❝ I’m gonna go get banned from Denny’s you can either come with me and enjoy the chaos or pick me up afterward before the cops show up. ❞

❝ Because I am a wholesome innocent boy. ❞

❝ I guess I could shove some paper down his throat. ❞

❝ Fuck inflation, am I right? ❞

❝ I’m in your house bitch. ❞

❝ I’m tying your socks into a chain. ❞

❝ I’m the hot girlfriend? That’s so fucking cool man. ❞

❝ Stubborn gremlin, I’ll tell [name] to stop feeding you after midnight. ❞

❝ Squeezed my ass through this hole and idk how I’m gonna get back out. ❞

❝ Good morning, satan. ❞

❝ Your son did, bitch. ❞

❝ So? I’m a bad person! ❞

❝ Right line wrong person, bromeo. ❞

❝ Don’t “lol” me. ❞

❝ I feel like you’re trying to sneak in a lesson here somewhere but all I can think about is becoming an attack helicopter. ❞

❝ You put condom balloon animals all over my room! ❞

❝ Head empty, only angry, confused, and somewhat horny feelings. ❞

❝ Yeah look at you, with your fucked up internal organs. ❞

❝ I’m not insane I just ate an entire box of mini muffins by myself. ❞

❝ You had to get the most phallic looking one? ❞

❝ I did get kidnapped btw. ❞

❝ “uh, safe” doesn’t make me feel better bestie. ❞

❝ Jedi never get shit done anyway, they just sit and argue. ❞

❝ I made napalm by accident. ❞

❝ It’s the international emoji for ass. ❞

❝ That’s a cry for help if I ever saw one. ❞

❝ What’s a sugar daddy but like, the wholesome version? Fairy godmother? Can I have one of those? ❞

❝ That is an unholy combination of words. ❞

❝ I will literally fight you on your birthday idc. ❞

❝ The primary concern is what I refer to as “the Applebees effect”. ❞

[wandaromanova]

Hi, a blurb with wanda x romanoff reader, and Nat being overprotrective, love u, thanks

Warnings: cussing, wandanat almost beating up a random guy haha

blurb requests are open

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You were out shopping with Wanda and Natasha, much to their dismay.

If there was one thing the two women hated the most in the world, it was shopping.

This is what made your relationship so ironic; they ended up dating a shopaholic.

You would drag them to various malls, practically pulling them by the hand from store to store. You’d stay in a fitting room for an hour, trying on a ton of clothes that you found cute.

Wanda and Natasha were forced to sit down and wait, watching as you went in and out of the room, showing them each outfit and asking for their opinions.

“So, should I get the black dress or the red dress?” You walked out holding up two different dresses. One was a low-cut dress, while the other had a bit more length to it.

You noticed that Wanda was the only one sat outside, Natasha probably had to take a call or something, you assumed.

“It doesn’t matter, baby. I think you’ll look beautiful no matter what dress you choose.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You smiled at Wanda softly before shaking your head.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Thank you, and I love you for that, but seriously. Which one do you think is better?”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter. You’re gorgeous regardless of what you wear.”

You let out a grunt at Wanda as Natasha returned, taking her seat beside the Sokovian.

“Honey, this isn’t a test! I really am just asking which is better!” You let out in frustration. Your girlfriend was adorable, but now wasn’t the time for that. You needed to pick one!

“I think you’d look better without anything on.” Your head snapped from your girlfriends at the sound of a man’s voice.

Wanda and Natasha stared in shock as some random dude had just blatantly hit on you, right in front of them.

The two stood up and got in his face. He took a step back when he saw Wanda’s eyes turn red.

“What the fuck did you just say to our girlfriend?” Natasha growled out with a glare as she abruptly grabbed the man by his collar, hoisting him up in the air.

The stranger trembled in fear as he looked between the two women who stood directly in front of him.

“I’m sorry! I was just kidding! Please don’t hurt me.” He pleaded in desperation.

Wanda made a show of twirling some red tendrils of her magic in the palm of her hand.

That scared the man even more. Seriously, he looked like he was going to piss himself.

“Get out of here before we make you regret ever opening your mouth.” Wanda barked out as Natasha flung the guy to the floor.

He got up and quickly made his way out of the dressing room area and out of the store completely.

You let out a laugh as your girlfriends turned back to face you. Their faces were red with anger.

“Aw, my scary, protective, little babies.” You cooed as you put the dresses on one of the chairs before pinching their cheeks.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I’m not scary, I’m fucking terrifying.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Hey! I’m not a little baby!”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

join my taglist!

taglist: @eilarch @mindofwesley @d14n4ol @marrymemcgrath @marvelwomen-simp @fayhar @ymzki-haruki @peggycarter-steverogers @unstable-sapphic-hoe @q-hearts @hallecarey1 @prentisshoe @tquick99 @levram @xxromanoffxx @madamevirgo @romanoffprint @mrsromanoff @mrs-avenger3000 @acertainredhead @b-5by5 @lauraageorgiaa @peterbparkersbae @miricalebev @weelight @simpforwandanat @thewidowsghost @this-is-my-last-life @mmmmokdok @fishyandco @alexajbitar @imasimpfornatashamaximoff @loomontoia @kingpreciouswrld @justafairygirl @haughtlikehell @urmomsahoe6969 @makegoodchoices @puppy-danvers2016 @rvselie @hoeforwandanat @shycoloravenue @scotts-orange-slices @iliketozoneout @blurryylines @lunaivorymason98 @lostandsearching @lordesolddepression @starstruckgranger @grxvitye