#sorry the background isn't good I didn't want to do anything crazy

[rithiathemoth]

Confessions Part 2

hehehehe

Confessions Part 1

Hope you enjoyed this. I feel like the script is off on this one, but I hope it's at least.. readable ig

[kenyummy]

DREAM ꒰⚘݄꒱ NAGI ,, SHIDOU

SYNOPSIS : what do the blue lock boys dream about when they're away from you, training to be the greatest striker?

note: hi! again, this is the same thing i posted earlier, just nagi and shidou versions ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) both are mildly nsfw. um actually i just read through it and i take it back shidous one is like hella crazy. I'm not making it as nsfw because its more like super crazy making out but. uhmm... yeah. ˙ᵕ˙

nagi seishiro

There's a bright light everywhere. Nagi can hardly see, through the half-lidded lens of his eyes. He blinks a few times, and there's a muffled sound encasing his ears. It sounds like his name is being called out in a pleasing voice. That voice sounds nice. Nagi wonders who it belongs to.

Through his blurred eyes, he can make out vibrant colours of purple and black encasing the walls of wherever he is. It's mostly white noise—but Nagi can make out a hint of a pop song playing in the background, but he doesn't care for which.

He turns around, vision still hazy, until he meets a pair of eyes. Beautiful, bright eyes that sparkle under this blinding light—a pair of eyes that belonged to...

"[name]?" His vision is suddenly completely clear, and he can see you in perfect detail. You're standing there with a soft smile, a bag around your shoulder and dressed in flowy, casual clothes.

"You finally responded? Did you manage to get the Psyduck?" You walk forward and stand beside him—and only now does Nagi realise where he is.

The arcade, with [name]?

Is this a dream or something? This feels way too good to be true.

Your expression drops and you look at him, annoyed with your hands pressed against the glass—you look mad, but it feels more like an angry kitten rather than anything to Nagi, "You didn't even insert your token?"

Looking down into his hands—he didn't even feel the weight of the full cup of tokens in his grasp until you mentioned it. He blinks, eyes dulling. "Oh. Sorry." He responds dumbly, quickly inserting a token.

The claw machine lights up and blares embarrassingly loud music that draws attention, but you don't acknowledge it and only cheer when he moves the claw around, "Go, Nagi!" You whoop, and this makes the snow-haired boy feel even more determined to win that stupid platypus Pokemon.

He finally gets the claw into the perfect position and sends it down—it grabs onto the plushie, and for the first time ever, Nagi gets it on the first try. It gets sent down the winning hole, and you cheer in joy as Nagi bends down to pick it up.

He stares wordlessly at the plush for a second, looking into its cartoonishly stupid eyes, before looking back up at you, with your wonderfully large smile, and holding it out to you. "Got it for you."

You blink, looking up at him, then the duck, then him again, lips parted so invitingly. Then, you smile, cheeks flushed prettily, and you take the duck from his arms, and into your own grasp. Hugging it into your chest, you lower your face into the head of the platypus, "Thank you, Nagi... you really didn't have to. It's a date for both of us, after all."

A date...

This is a dream.

Nagi has this sudden realisation while looking around. You're here, and you feel like you—but isn't he supposed to be in Blue Lock? Working his ass off to become the best striker? He shouldn't be at some random arcade on a "date" with you. Ego would never let that happen.

So, the last explanation Nagi could come up with, is that this is all a dream. That's the only thing he could come up with. Nagi was never that smart, but even he could point out the inconsistencies that came with this whole scenario.

So... if this is all a dream... I can do whatever I want.

He swallows thickly.

With no repercussions. This is all in my head... and anything I want can happen.

Nagi moves forward and suddenly hugs you close to his chest. You yelp in surprise but do not push him off or say anything—simply accepting his warmth engulfing your figure. He digs his nose into your hair and takes in a deep sniff.

You smell nice. Much nicer than any of the guys in Blue Lock.

But, you simply letting this happen confirms his theory. This really is a dream. You—the real, fleshy you—would never allow Nagi to just hug you without at least hitting him with an iconic one-liner or snarky quip. If this version of you is not real... if this version of you will never remember what he feels...

He looks down and removes one hand from your waist to tilt your head upwards, and with the most innocent look he can manage—he shuts his eyes and leans down. He knocks the breath out of your lungs with an aggressive kiss, fiery hot and burning in your stomach.

His heart churns and his mind is running at a thousand miles per hour, but Nagi can't care. He doesn't care, because this is what he wants—and is it selfish of him to take it within a dream? That is only what a true egoist would do, right?

You squeak, but Nagi does not acknowledge it, engulfing the puff of air in his own mouth when he connects his tongue with your own. It takes a good few seconds for Nagi to pull away—and he only does so when you grab his soft cheeks in your palm and push his head back. A thin string of drool connected the two of you.

You look into his eyes, hazy and misty and his clothes suddenly feel too tight and the room is far too hot. He runs his hands up and down your torso, feeling the creases of the material underneath his electric fingertips, and it's like every sense he has is heightened in this blazing moment. "Nagi... not here..."

Oh. So even his dream version of you had her morals.

"Fine." Nagi mumbles, eyes sunken low. He knows this is wrong. He knows that he should not speak, but the words glide off his silver tongue before he has a chance to stop himself. "But when we get home, you can't expect me to stop."

His heart skips a beat after he sees your embarrassed expression. He can't find it within himself to care that this is all a dream, and in the morning you will never know this has happened. You won't ever know what has gone on between the two of you in his mysterious mind—and this will be a secret Nagi will forever take to his grave.

It's okay if he does this, right? Because it's your Nagi, the one who you adore so much. He's forever yours—if only you'd say the word.

shidou ryusei

"So... you're seriously saying you... want to...?" Shidou asks incredulously, and he can already feel himself twitching. His blunt nails dig into his palms and it takes every last bit of self-restraint he has left in his body to not pounce on you like a dog in heat.

This is the most composed you've ever seen him—and that's saying something. Well, not really, because he still looks like he's going to implode (haha, very funny) on the spot. You swallow thickly, a thin layer of sweat sheens down your back and suddenly the room feels way too stuffy—even if it was freezing cold when you had walked in.

Room... this room felt oddly unfamiliar. A room painted completely white, except for the odd accent of dark blue, proving its existence within Blue Lock. Shidou remembers stomping here after a brawl with Rin and getting extra scratched up this time because Rin ended up landing a good punch or two—he can't recall.

He doesn't remember how long he was out after you shocked him into submission—rather, he only recalls how you started this whole thing, as soon as he woke up in this strange room, you were practically in tears from how scared you were. Usually, Shidou woke up at most a few hours after being tased out, but this time, he was knocked cold for a whole day.

You nearly cried when he finally woke up, sitting by his side in a chair. You're holding onto his hand, but quickly let go in favour of hugging him so tight that he can barely breathe—and he can feel everything—and your voice is wracked with relief.

So now, here's the present, where you look like you're going to melt into a puddle on the floor when you say, "Y...yes... Because... I feel bad. That's the only reason I'll let you do this..." Still, with your pissy prickliness, you fold your arms under your chest, "But... only that, Shidou. Nothing more... I won't shock you this time... but I'll make you regret it."

Ignoring the comment that immediately comes to mind with your last sentence, he grins devilishly and feels his heartbeat increase with the anticipation, "Hell yeah! You're being serious, yeah? You'll let me?!"

Shidou can't quite remember since the last time he'd felt this excited for something that hadn't even happened yet—his goals were a burst of dopamine, but this? This was pure, unbridled excitement.

His leg unwillingly starts shaking up and down and you notice it—clearly, with the large sigh you suck in. You have to turn your head away before you shake your head—lest you see the face Shidou makes, a face you'd prefer not to be seared into your mind.

You walk forward, each step feeling like thousands of hands were trying to warn you—to hold you back—but you continue, right until you're standing in front of Shidou, who's sitting on the edge of his bed with his legs hanging off the side.

You place your things down on the table beside you. Hesitantly, like you're weighing your options—you slide your shoes off, so that the only thing on your feet are socks, and you slowly slide your jacket off, cheeks burning, so that you're only wearing your tank top.

Shidou watches in terrifying silence—you're sure this is the quietest you've ever seen him—and his eyes follow each move you make like he's a predator hunting for prey. Frankly, this scares you, but you have no room to say anything in this moment, so you only take in a deep breath, and lean upwards, placing your legs over his, and placing yourself on his knees.

Perched all prettily for him—shouldn't this be enough? Not for somebody like Ryusei Shidou, especially not just this. This would never be enough, and you were disappointingly aware of it.

This thing—the thing Shidou's been asking for since he met you... is to touch your boobs.

It shocked you just as much as it shocked anybody in the vicinity with his bold request, and you swore to yourself you'd never give in—especially not to somebody like Ryusei Shidou. But here you are now, practically trembling as he stares at you—his hands slowly reaching up.

He's silent... why is he silent? These thoughts run wild in your brain but are quickly shut down like a dead landline when his touch finally reaches your stomach. His fingertips are rough against your untouched skin, and it sends shivers flicking down your spine. Then, they finally came in contact with the lace around your bra, and he almost looked disappointed with the revelation.

But this doesn't phase him, no, not one bit, because as soon as his large palm engulfs one side of your chest, he squeezes. You slap your hand over your mouth and all the humiliation suddenly comes running back to you—crashing your brain like a ten-ton truck. He squeezes, and squeezes hard, like it's a stress ball and not a part of your body.

You bite out through groans, "Don't be so rough. Otherwise... I'll leave."

Shidou, who's been scarily silent this entire time, Shidou, who had his hand wrapped around your tit like a vice, and Shidou, who's looking into your eyes with such a serious look it makes you shiver, "Nah. Won't let ya."

You blink, and for a second, forget your humiliation in favour of blank confusion, "What?" You ask, dumbly.

"Won't let ya," and suddenly, the Shidou you know returns with full force, cheeks a hot stain of red and a demonic grin stretched out across his face—behind his sharpened, pearly teeth is a sense of danger, "I mean... ya gettin' me all worked up over here... and you think I'll just let ya leave?"

His eyes darken, and he grips your waist with his free hand, sliding you into his lap. "No. Fucking. Way. I would sooner quit soccer than let ya leave now."

Basically what he's saying—you're not going anywhere. Your heart races—sadly, you forget that he has a hand right over where your heart lies (even if it is a bit preoccupied with something else), and gets to tighten his hold before you squirm away. Warningly. He's saying—don't you dare fucking move.

He moves his hand from your tit—leaving the other one trapped around your waist—and moves it upwards, to the back of your head, gripping your hair hard in his hand. "You're way too pretty, manager-chan~ All those guys look at ya, but here I am, the one you hate the most having you here perched all pretty in my lap. This is how it should be, yeah?"

He grins, a grin you learned to despise, because of the words and person it was usually paired with—Ryusei Shidou looks so much like a demon. You can't say you hate him, but you don't like him either.

So then, when he crashes his lips into yours with the full ferocity you usually see on the court, do you not push back? Maybe deeply, somewhere in your fucked-up mind, you actually like this. At least, Shidou hopes so—because he can't get enough.

His lips move against yours in a harsh motion you're probably not used to—by the way your hands grip his shoulders and definitely leave marks from your nails. He tugs your head forward, wanting to become even closer—you think that if he moves you any further you'll fuse with him, but maybe, that's what he wants.

Ryusei Shidou loves so violently, so unabashed and unbridled that it scares normal people. Average people—who will never dream of understanding somebody like him. His love is so intense and overwhelming that he can't physically hold it in—but that is Ryusei Shidou, and he has no plans to change himself, especially not with how good it feels.

Dopamine spreads through his veins and he feels like he's about to light on fire from how hot his skin feels—but you're the same. His fingers sneak up the back of your shirt and it's positively burning, like wildfire in a dry forest. The mere thought that you're feeling the intensity he's trying to show you revs him up a gear further, biting down on your lip hard in excitement.

You try to pull back with a wince, but Shidou doesn't let you, kissing you so hard and pushing your head in so much that all you can do is whine against his lips. He fucking loves this. He fucking loves you. His eyes open just the slightest, and the expression on your face nearly makes him explode.

His hand slips down, and he grabs a handful of your ass underneath your sweatpants, nails sinking into the material with how hard he grabs it. This feeling—that spreads from his numbed mind towards the tips of his toes, is a feeling he doesn't think he'll ever be able to get enough of. He's kissed people. He's made out with people. But it's never been like this.

He's never had such mind-numbing excitement right here, in front of him and completely pliant to his doing—Shidou has never been this excited before. It's not just what's happening—it's you. He's so drunk—so high off of you that it makes him want to melt into you and never return. If one day, you decided to make Shidou your own, that would be the day he would die happy and submit to your will.

But until then... Shidou will have the reigns, and control them—until you and him are forever like this.

Finally, after a minute of torture and pathetic gasps for air through your nose, Shidou pulls away, letting go of your sore head of hair and panting, a thin string of drool connects both your lips. He grins at the sight, face flushed and a thin layer of sweat sheened over his face.

But you—with your lips swollen, glossy and plump from being kissed so hard by him, and the sweat beading down your face giving you an ethereal glow—looks so much more beautiful than he ever could, he's sure.

In fact, that look on your face—misty eyes with lids too heavy to hold up, and lashes curled upwards to your brows—is what prompts Shidou to finally flip it out.

You're moved faster than you can react, your back crashing against the sheets before you have a chance to protest. His legs are positioned in between yours, and he's hovering on top of you—his antennae ticking your cheek. You look up at him with wide eyes, lips slightly parted from shock, and Shidou runs his tongue over his bottom lip when he sees his sight. Underneath him—where he believes you should always be.

My heart won't stop pounding. He thinks, a smile spreading at the thought.

The dopamine rushes through his veins and it gives him the energy to lean down, held up by the arms that cage either side of your head, "You're fucking gorgeous."

I love you.

I love you.

I love you so fucking much.

Shidou loves with such intensity that it can blind people—and maybe, you were the only person who could take such love. Even when his lips crash against yours once again, and you find you're now without your tank top—even in a dreamscape such as this, Shidou is sure that you'll just know.

© KENYUMMY 2024

[yooglefics]

Intentions don’t mean much.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x fem!partner Wordcount: 670 words Genre: Angst. Hurt / comfort. Established relationship. Song drabble. Summary: Yoongi is having some bad days and, in the end, deciding to keep it to himself to not worry his partner is not the best idea. More info under read more.

Includes: Mentions of bad mental health, implied depression. Nothing too dark but Yoongi overthinks a lot. Lack of communication. Author's note: A little drabble inspired by The Craving ( Jenna's version ) because I just had to write something after listening to it. Is pretty short but I kind of like it as is, because it can be read with the song in the background uwu. Hope you like it! If you do please remember to leave a reblog, like, follow, comment or send an ask, donate on ko-fi and what not. As always, thank you for reading <3

He is scared of putting too much weight on her shoulders, of driving her crazy because of his thoughts, and fears; the problems in his head, the ones that don't even have anything to do with her.

On bad days he tries to be reassuring. Holding her hand while sharing a cup of coffee and cuddling with her on the couch. Yes, it’s a bit selfish because it does good to him too, knowing she is with him even when his psyche reminds him of the possibility that they, too, are part of something temporary. That it could end sooner than expected, which is not much to say since he doesn't want it to end at all.

Is not that he doesn't believe she loves him, of course not. He believes everything she says, even the little conspiracy theories she rambles about at night in their bedroom. But, his brain tells him, life is unpredictable and the world goes around and around and around and…

When it gets too bad he spends most hours of the day in his studio. Even sleeps (or at least tries to) there. She brings him lunch and he kisses her cheek or forehead, sweetly and full of love. An attempt to not worry her.

Some nights, as he lays on the leather couch, he hopes she will knock on the door, looking for him and asking him to come to bed. He would say yes, even if that meant just playing with her hair as she fell asleep on his chest while he lays with his eyes open and his mind never shooting down.

But it doesn’t happen. 

Is still dark outside when he hears her socket steps against the wooden floors, the beeps and trumps of the coffee machine following close behind, and he decides to join. 

“Isn't it too early for coffee?” he asks, leaning in the doorway.

“Is six, just one hour early.”

“Oh.” 

“How did you sleep?”

He keeps quiet, a bit confused with himself as to how he didn't realize so much time passed.

“Did you sleep?” She asks instead, tone different this time and he doesn't like something in it.

“Don't worry about it.” He tries to dismiss, coming closer and wrapping his arms around her waist, chin resting on her shoulder while they wait for the melancholy sounds announcing their beverage is ready.

But a sniff comes instead.

It takes a second for his tired brain to register it, yet is quick to react when she tries to move away, hugging her firmly against his chest. “What is it?”

“Nothing. Is silly.” she murmurs back.

“Tell me anyway?”

“Is just… after so long, I don’t know a lot about you still. And I wish I did.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry about it. I don’t know what just—” 

“Hey,” he softly calls out, turning her around as he looks for her gaze, “don’t apologize for it. Is on me, I’m going through some shit but I’m okay.”

She worries her lip between her teeth before asking, “Have you slept at all in the last few days?”

“A little bit.” Pretty vague, not wanting to bring concern around his insomia. But her eyes get glossy again and his open in surprise. In realization that doing that is what is upsetting her. He hates that. “I slept a couple hours yesterday after lunch, maybe that’s why I’m still awake.”

“You aren't tired then?”

A different kind, he thinks. And considers answering that while she fixes his hair, but he still isn't sure. “Maybe you just need to do that for a while so I don't wake up until tomorrow.”

That makes her smile and her eyes fall to his again. But is hard to ignore the bags under them and the bigger issues. “I'm going to the store later, I'll bring you that tea we saw the other day. We can drink that before going to bed and see if it helps. Deal?”

“Deal.”

♡ Tag list: @n33mesis , @sexytholland , @mggv97 , @wobblewobble822 , @bbou-doir , @m00njinnie , @itsmina29 , @nariee02 , @ktownshizzle .

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[fandom-susceptible]

What Is Done (TDP Rewatch Liveblog, S1E2)

Having the Book One context of "the other assassins wanted to kill Rayla outright for her mistake" adds something to this opening scene. I find it interesting that Callisto insists they should bring Rayla anyway, with that bit of canon, though, and Runaan is the one who refuses. Makes me wonder if Callisto wasn't on board with killing her - or if Runaan believed they would kill her anyway in the confusion of the attack no matter what he said, if he listened to the suggestion.

We never do get any information on who Andromeda left behind. Ram's dad comes up in Season 7 (Ram's background is also interesting since he's shown with a bow in this preparation scene, but is shown using knives everywhere else), but Andromeda wears the same sort of wedding cuffs as Runaan does, and her family is never addressed. Andromeda was also the first of these assassins to befriend Rayla seven years before (Bloodmoon Huntress), so this must sit really heavy for her.

"The Crazy Jerkface Dance" "A dance of stupitude and sorriness!" god this is such good sibling writing.

I'm. Gonna just watch this whole scene with Runaan and Rayla and then go back over it because hooo boy.

"I thought you could do it, Rayla. But I was wrong." The way his voice just drops when he says he was wrong. This is why I'm convinced he's already feeling guilty about this, because he doesn't blame her for her mistake. Even in the middle of this scene where he's pulling her from the mission, he is taking all of the responsibility for what she did, and that's something I kinda missed when I was watching it as a kid. He admits he knows she's never taken before, that he brought her for her physical ability (I think he's obfuscating a bit here; Tiadrin and Lain were his friends, not just her parents, and I'm sure he knows very well that her success here will go farther towards redeeming Rayla in the eyes of the village than anything he could do for her), but he knows this isn't something she can do. Her heart is too soft for it. I had forgotten that he directly refers to her as a child here, though, which is an interesting story note. So she is still a minor, or close enough to it that he feels guilty for expecting her to act as an adult.

I think they probably made him so much larger than her in this scene for effect, but then they made his sheer size canonical, and now there's a very adult part of me that very much appreciates this character design.

"You will wait here, quietly!" we didn't even know he was her dad yet but this fucking moment was such intense dad energy, this is why no one was surprised. That said . . . Runaan, when has this girl EVER just waited somewhere quietly when you told her to? She literally unlocked Moonshadow form at eight years old to disobey that exact order like two months after moving in with you.

His instruction to go home is also a loaded one. He has to know that if they're not back by sunrise and the mission isn't done, and she leaves alive, she'll be ghosted. My best theory as to why he does this is this: if they succeed in getting their targets but can't escape, and she does home, she'll just be a lone survivor, not a ghost, and while there might be some shame associated with it if she tells the village the truth, she won't be ghosted because she was obeying his direct orders. If they die before taking out their targets, but Rayla is alive, she won't be immediately ghosted because he'll never get the shadowhawk out, so they won't know what's going on until she returns, and again, she'll be acting under his orders. At this point, provided she listens to him, those are the most likely results. The problem is that she doesn't listen to him.

I do also appreciate how all of the assassins have eyeliner on. Runaan and Rayla's visual designs change slightly around the eyes when they're not actively on this mission, which I think is neat. Dark makeup around the eyes is a pretty well-known method of helping to reduce glare, which would make sense for moon-aligned elves used to working at night or in the shadows of an extremely dense forest.

See I don't know why everyone liked Claudia so much at first. Her teasing Callum in the library about his crush really just gave me creepy vibes from the very beginning. No judgment, I guess she is cute, but like. I don't get it.

I love Harrow in this episode. That low, dangerous "Call it, what it is." and then the venom in "Dark magic." Viren was so unsettled he pulled his hand off of Harrow's shoulder having it directed at him. The "I don't understand." "I know you don't." exchange hits though, because that tells me that Harrow is facing both his death and the realization of just what kind of person his best friend is at the same time, and he doesn't like it.

I don't like Viren or Claudia as people, but they're very well-written characters and I adore how well-written the family dynamics are. "Not everyone speaks CLAUDIA, Claudia" is such a genuinely dad moment.

Oooh the crossing the river moment was so much harder than we knew for Rayla here.

Oh, this scene with Harrow and Callum fucking hurts. I love that Harrow doesn't try to dodge responsibility for what he did. He calls them choices, not mistakes, when he talks to Callum. There's genuine love in it from both of them, and neither of them will say it even when Callum turns back to hug him.

Honestly what if some guard had seen Rayla climbing up the side of the castle or clambering all the way over the ramparts. This could have gone real badly for you sweetheart. Baby. Honey. Moonberry. There is a reason your dad is waiting for nightfall.

I predicted Rayllum in the very first scene they met when she goes "Oh, ye don't like my ears?" All smug and Callum stammers "no, I - I do!" I'm not complaining but that was obvious. Also this whole chase and all the tricks Callum pulls only worked because they're both teenagers and I love that.

Harrow just sassing Viren constantly gives me the life Harrow won't have in two episodes. Also though, "Moonshadow elves are dangerous, elite fighters." All this buildup to how they're unstoppable and I've said it before and I'll say it again, even with having virtually no time to prepare, Soren's Crownguard did in fact manage to stop them. They would only have been able to eliminate one target regardless, and if Soren had had more time to prepare or more forces to prepare with, they might not have gotten through to Harrow either. Also though, where is this reputation coming from? I'm genuinely curious if there's been that many assassinations across the border that we just haven't been told about, or if it's stories filtering over from Xadia through maritime trade (Tidebound elves interact with humans fairly regularly, apparently, even during the worst of the tension, out at sea). It sort of paints a picture of the cultural place of Moonshadow elves post-Mage Wars, hidden in the perilous Moonshadow Forest with even other elves telling stories like this about how they're all killers.

Mmm. Stories filtering from maritime trade or just Viren's expeditions into Xadia. He has way too many magical creatures - and their parts - in his fucking dungeon later, and I frankly suspect he didn't get the serpent on his and Harrow's trip to kill Avizandum. If he'd done it then, I feel like Harrow would have noticed a LIVE TWO HEADED SOUL EATING SNAKE IN A BASKET at some point during their return trip. That'd be kinda tough to miss. He wouldn't even have to be overly observant.

"Because you're with a girl?" I love Ezran so much. He barely even acknowledges the swords being pointed at them.

The shouting match between Viren and Harrow over the serpent had to be so goddamn awkward for the guards. I love that they were animated exchanging glances and fidgeting while it was happening because this would be an awful moment to be in the room, it's got me giggling so much.

I love Harrow quoting Sarai when he tries to make Viren see the problem. Viren just refuses to hear him, he's being so stubborn and full on gaslighting Harrow trying to get the king to turn it around on himself. He's angry because he's confused that it's not working this time like it always has before. Props to Harrow for overcoming this emotional abuse and turning it back around on him. "Would you, Viren?" "I - hm." "Get out."

Once again, brotherly dynamic, nailed it. These writers have siblings.

Walking into Viren's workshop would really just be like walking into an absolute horror show for Rayla here, huh? She looks up at a shelf and sees a collection of horns she would recognize as belonging to elves - Moonshadow, Earthblood, Skywing, possibly Tidebound, Sunfire, all of them, plus possibly dragon or drake. One set is still attached to a skull. The jar next to it holds the preserved corpse of a small dragon. The preserved bodies of other animals litter the shelves. No wonder she's so intensely disturbed.

"Runaan's right - there's nothin' in humans worth sparing." is an interesting line, considering that's not an opinion we ever see him actually spout. Even when he talks about what they do in Bloodmoon Huntress, he never says anything about humans specifically, and he also doesn't make judgments on his victims. As Rayla said earlier, assassins don't decide right and wrong - just life and death. They take their targets and eliminate them, choices made based on the judgments of others. So, I'm wondering if in Rayla's mind these were two separate statements. "Runaan's right." meaning he was right, she can't afford to hesitate, and then her own opinion, "There's nothin' in humans worth sparin'." That statement originally had me bracing for Runaan to be as racist as Viren, actually, but with how we see his character play out later (and earlier, in the graphic novel) it doesn't really make sense that way. Of course, it could also be a retcon like Aditi showing up in the intro of Echoes of Thunder, the writers deciding to make Runaan more sympathetic later on. Either way, interesting line.

Also, can't help but point out, he was right. She insisted she could do this. She's determined, she's decided that Ezran deserves his fate. But when it comes down to it, again and again in this episode, she has chance after chance to kill the boys - and she keeps hesitating. Which is a good thing! Sets off the whole plot! Just also adds depth to her family's development later on, because . . . yeah, Ethari was right. So was Runaan, when he came around to that opinion. And it turned out to be the best thing for this situation.

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 21

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Masterlist

"This fucking phone!"

"Marina, language!"

"Sorry" she says. "But urgh, it is so annoying. It crashes every time I try to edit a video, I need a new one."

"Is this your way of asking me to get you one for Christmas?" I chuckle.

"No… But if you want to get me one…" she smiles. "Can I use your phone? I need this video for the weekend."

"Why for the weekend?"

"It is… It's for my Instagram account. For Pedri's birthday."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry, Val. I shouldn't have said anything, I…"

"No, it's ok. Here" I say, giving her my phone.

"Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure."

"Thank you, Val" she says, giving me a hug.

"Yes, yes" I reply, patting her on the arm. "Now can I go back to work?"

"Of course!" she says, laying down on the sofa again. "I didn't know you had him as your lock screen."

"Uh?"

"Pedri."

"Oh, yes. I actually got that photo from your account. It's from the first goal he dedicated to me."

"That's cute" Marina says. "Password?"

"I don't have one."

"What? Why? What if someone steals your phone and finds all your naked photos with Pedri?"

"I don't have that on my phone" I chuckle.

"Wait… Does that mean you have photos like that?"

"Marina, focus on the video and don't ask more questions."

"Ok… But the fact that you are as red as my jumper says it all" she giggles.

"Whatever" I reply.

"Aww, this photo is cute. And hot. Did you take it?" she says, showing me my phone.

"I did. It's from our first trip to Tenerife and it's been my phone background since then."

"Haven't you taken more photos that are background worth it?"

"I have. But that one is special" I say. Because it was taken the moment I knew I wanted Pedri to be my boyfriend. The moment I knew I wanted him in my life, by my side. The moment I realized I was not only falling in love with him but already in love even if completely accepting it and saying it aloud took me my time. 

I had woken up before him and was in the kitchen making us some breakfast when he walked in. 

"Good morning, gorgeous" he says from the door.

"Good mor… Don't move."

"What?" Pedri laughs.

"Don't move, let me grab my phone."

"Your phone?" 

"Yes. I need to take a photo."

"A photo of what?" he asks.

"You" I reply. 

He had never looked better than he did in that moment. He was, as usual, leaning against the door frame, shirtless with his arms crossed over his chest, and his biceps in all their glory. His hair was a mess, but it was the fluffiest mess ever, asking you to run your fingers through it. And for once, he had listened to me and hadn't shaved. 

But what had made my heart skip a beat and the butterflies in my stomach go crazy, had been his smile. It was that smirk, the one he had given me the night we met, the one that had completely disarmed me.

He had never looked more boyfriend like the internet says, and I wanted that. I wanted to wake up every morning to him looking like that, to that smile. I wanted him. 

"Val, are you ok?" Marina asks, bringing me back to reality.

"Yes, yes. I was just thinking."

"About Pedri?"

"Yeah" I sigh.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"You can't even imagine" I say, trying really hard not to cry.

"Then why aren't you getting back together? It's been months! And he misses you too, just look at how horribly he's been playing this season."

"It isn't that easy, Marina."

"Yes, it is. You go to his house, tell him that you love him, make out, and problem fixed."

"Sounds like a plan" I chuckle. "I just need to find the guts to do it, tho."

"I'll go with you. I'll walk you to his door myself if needed. Let's go."

"Now?" I laugh.

"Why not?" Marina shrugs.

"Well, he isn't home. He is away with the national team."

"Oh, shit. That's true. But wait, let me check something" she says, scrolling on my phone. "Yes! Perfect! Have you ever been to Sevilla, Val?"

"What?"

"They are playing in Sevilla on Saturday. And Saturday also is…"

"Pedri's birthday."

"Exactly!" Marina says. "This is perfect, Val! We will go to Sevilla with our shirts to watch him play, and as his birthday gift you will tell him that you love him, that everything is forgiven and that you want to get back together!"

"We?" I chuckle.

"Yes, we. I'm not missing this."

"Marina… It is too much. I already sneaked in once, I can't do it again. And how am I going to get tickets?"

"You can always ask Gavi."

“That's… true. But I already did the shirts thing and going to another city to watch him play. The fact that it worked once doesn't mean it will work again."

"It will, Val. He loves you! So c'mon. Please" she pouts.

"Ok, fine" I sigh, giving up. "I'll text Gavi."

"Yes!" she says, jumping on the sofa.

"But you are not coming with me."

"Val!" Marina protests.

"I can't take care of you and focus on fixing my relationship all at the same time."

"Then ask one of the girls to come with us."

"Emma is busy and Silvia is in London with Pau."

"Then… Then… Oh! Oh!"

"Now what?" I ask.

"David!"

"What?"

"Let's call David! I'm sure he will say yes. Besides me, he is your biggest shipper" she says.

"Please don't say that. We are real people, not characters from a movie."

"Sorry, sorry. We are your bigger supporters. Is that better?"

"I guess."

"Then let's call David and text Gavi. Let operation Veldri getting back together begin!" Marina says, clapping her hands.

"Veldri?"

"Let me at least keep the ship name, Val. It took me ages to find one that didn't sound weird."

"Ok" I chuckle. Let's hope this crazy idea works… 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Happy birthday dear Pedri, happy birthday to you!" everyone sings.

"Don't forget to make a wish!" Unai says.

"Done" Pedri smiles after blowing all the candles.

"What did you wish for? Or about who was your wish about?" Unai asks once their other teammates have gone back to their breakfast.

"If he tells you it won't happen" Gavi says.

"I'm pretty sure it is happening anyway. And rather sooner than… Gavi! Why did you kick me?"

"I didn't" he shrugs.

"Yes, you did. Do you want to injure me?" Unai says.

"What did you mean with happening rather sooner than later?" Pedri asks him.

"Nothing. He meant nothing. Didn't you, Unai?" Gavi says, giving him a murderous look.

"I meant that you two love each other and rather sooner than later will get back together."

"I don't believe you" Pedri says. "What do you know about Val?"

"Nothing, I swear" Unai insists.

"Gavi…"

"He knows nothing. None of us know a thing."

"Then why do you look so nervous?"

"Who? Me?" Gavi chuckles.

"Yes, you, Pablo."

"I'm not nervous."

"And I'm blonde. Spill it. What do you know about Val?"

"Nothing, I swear."

"I don't believe you. Her cousin David posted a story yesterday on a plane and she was with him, I heard her voice. Is she coming?"

"I don't know, Pedri. And that voice could have belonged to anyone" Gavi says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It was Val's. I would recognize it anywhere."

"Then maybe that's why you imagined it. You miss her and hear her everywhere."

"I didn't."

"I don't know, bro" Gavi shrugs. 

"For the love of God" Unai says, rolling his eyes. "She's coming to tonight's game. There. I said it."

"Unai!"

"What? He was going to get it out of you whether you liked it or not."

"I was" Pedri chuckles. "Is that true, then? She's coming?"

"Yeah" Gavi sighs. "She, Marina and David."

"So she wants us to get back together?"

"Yes, Pedro. She does" Unai says.

"Wow. That's… wow" he laughs.

"Your birthday wish is happening!"

"But at what cost. I'm too young to die" Gavi says.

"You aren't going to die. I won't let her touch a single hair on that pretty head of yours" Pedri smiles.

"You better."

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, boys" one of the staff members says. "But Gavi, there is someone asking for you at reception."

"Oh, ok. Thank you" he says, getting up from his chair.

"Is it her?" Pedri asks him.

"What?"

"Val. Is she coming to the hotel again?"

"It isn't her, Pedri. It's just some of my cousins, they wanted to meet before the game."

"Oh, ok."

"Don't look so sad, bro" Unai says. "You already know she's in the city and that she wants you back."

"Yeah… she does" he smiles again.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go meet my cousins. See you later" Gavi says before leaving.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Pedri, Gavi is waiting for you on the patio where we did some stretching earlier today" one of the national team manager's tells him. "I believe one of his cousins wants to take a photo with you."

"Oh, ok. Thank you" he smiles.  

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Gavi? Gavi, where are you?" Pedri asks as he walks into the patio. The hotel had closed it just for them, not allowing other guests to go there. Yet he could swear he had just seen someone's shadow. "Hello? Gavi, is that you?"

"Hi" a voice says behind him. Her voice.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Val?" Pedri says, slowly turning around to face me.

"Hi" I repeat. 

"You are here."

"I am" I smile.

"You really are here" he whispers before running towards me and hugging me.

"Wow, careful" I chuckle when he wraps his arms around my body with such force that he makes me lose my balance.

"You are here" he says once again against my neck.

"I am, Pedri. I am" I say, caressing the back of his head. 

"I've missed you so much, Val. So much."

"I've missed you too."

“Aren't you mad anymore? Have you forgiven me? Because I promise you there won't be more secrets between us, Val. I'll tell you everything" he says, lifting his head.

"I'm not mad anymore, no. I've forgiven you and myself. And you can keep a few things for yourself, you know? Like when you are planning to surprise with something, for example" I smile, wiping away his tears.

"Ok, I'll keep that to myself" he chuckles.

"The things your friends do in their love lives and especially their sex lives is something I don't need to know either. Unless it is very juicy gossip."

"Ok" he smiles. 

"But I want to know what happens inside that pretty head of yours. And here" I say, putting my hand on his chest. "Especially here."

"What happens in there isn't a secret and has never been."

"Uh?"

"I love you, Val" Pedri says, putting his hand over mine and interlacing our fingers. "I love you like I've never loved anyone before. And I'm pretty sure I will never love anyone the way I love you. My heart is yours, Val. Only yours."

"I hadn't missed you being this cheesy" I say with a teasing smile, trying to focus on that to not cry.

"Oh, I know. You just missed my hot body and the way I fuck you."

"You are such an idiot, Pedro" I reply, rolling my eyes. "Always thinking with what you have between your legs."

"But I am your favourite idiot, am I not?" he smirks.

"My most favourite one, yes. I love you, Pedri."

"I love you too" he whispers before kissing me. 

[skaruresonic]

VN Anon here. Sorry if my ask caused up a stir. I genuinely wanted to compliment you on your efforts with your first VN and understand your inspirations behind it without coming off too strong.

I was so invested with how you approached Sonic and Knuckles' conflict -- it's a very solid adaptation of what tends to be the heart of their disagreements. I was a little caught off guard when I was trying to help Amy, so I did feel like I was thrown for a loop when I accidentally prioritised her external conflict over her internal conflict (I got a real good scolding from Sonic TwT). And Cream's event made me feel personally responsible and protective of her, and the background story that Vanilla wants the best for her but considers discouraging her dream of becoming a baker made me feel a bit seen lol. So I commend you for making me feel human emotions like I'm a part of the cast even as Sonic's buddy^^

The unique spin you added with the puns, the dogs, Knuckles' weeb deal was a fun break from expectations. And your thoughtfulness over avoiding narration fatigue is also something I appreciate heavily since I'm frankly not a vn player by trade. I was interested in seeing your spin on the cast since I tend to agree with your thoughts on the game cast.

Currently still on the meta section (the character swap is entertaining), but I like how Eggman is a genuine threat, an absolute control freak, and sees me as a tool! Guy's a hilarious bastard as always!

I guess I'm trying to say that from one artist to another, I think your art's really nice and I resonate with it! I'm gonna play Antigravity once I have some spare time!

No worries, you didn't say anything wrong. Everything's cool. :>

Thanks! Originally it was going to be a kinetic novel (linear VN with no choices) but due to my inexperience with RenPy at the time, I couldn't figure out how to make branching paths; every choice tended to loop back around, so I decided to work with that conceit instead.

OaS isn't fully non-kinetic, but it isn't fully kinetic either. Only one choice really matters, which determines whether you get the bad ending, and even that can be reversed if you know what to do. You might just have to suffer for it a little, is all.

Without getting too spoilery, each choice has a "bad" alternate route, which is implied to be Eggman veering things off-script. You can see this as early as the first choice, where he pops in with a jumpscare. Because there aren't a whole lot of choices, I tried to make each one weightier than usual, as well as fairly obvious.

The overall idea is that you'll evaluate each situation and choose the option that's best for the characters, rather than something you may personally want them to do. ex. Sonic says he's getting stir-crazy, so it would be kind of imposing your will on him to be like "no, stay home and read a book." The original plan was to tally each of the player's bad choices and have Sonic issue a warning if it looked like the player was on the path towards a bad ending, with each one slowly increasing the volume on the alarm. But, again, due to my inexperience with RenPy, I didn't know how to set up those variables. What I wound up doing instead was a more binary system where one choice is the "good" choice that progresses the VN like normal, whereas the other is the "bad" choice that loops you back around following a jumpscare.

There's nothing in the code that will punish you for making poor choices - you won't get any friendship points docked or anything like that - but since the game is about friendship, I was hoping Sonic's admonitions would be enough. The deterrent needs to be a little harsh in the absence of flagged variables.

(And that's before Vanilla puts the fear of God in you. :P)

---

Currently still on the meta section (the character swap is entertaining), but I like how Eggman is a genuine threat, an absolute control freak, and sees me as a tool! Guy's a hilarious bastard as always!

nobody appreciates Eggman's contributions xP

"Do you have any idea how hard I work, Sonic?"

"well maybe you'd ship on time if you let somebody else handle the co---"

"SHUT UP, SONIC"

And yeah, Sonic and Eggman pulling a Freaky Friday has always been my jam. There's something about it that just tickles my funny bone.

---

I guess I'm trying to say that from one artist to another, I think your art's really nice and I resonate with it! I'm gonna play Antigravity once I have some spare time!

Ty, I'm glad you're enjoying it. ^^ And no rush. I'm still working out the bugs in Antigravity.

Two recommendations, though: don't try to rollback or button-mash if you can. RenPy doesn't remember the last action you took while you're in the battle loop, so if you try to rollback during battle, it'll take you to the title screen.

I do want to see if disabling rollback will fix the issue, but that's for later. I'm currently working on making more maps.

[greenbirdgreen]

ANOTHER THING I FORGOT TO MENTION!!! Your writing is extremely atmospheric, I could imagine everything clearly [in an enjoyably incoherent way] in my mind. You also write emotion very well.

"like you said it's a very wild ride, especially at first—thank you for sticking it out and getting to the end!!" 'Sticking it out'? There wasn't anything that needed sticking out, it was thoroughly enjoyable the entire way through! I noticed it was manic at first, just as the author's note said, but that was honestly a plus. And it was more silly in the beginning, which I enjoyed, but then more and more layers were added, and things began to change, and by the 3/4 point of the fic the sillyness had almost fully shifted into something that made my jaw drop. Both the silliness, the insanity, and the unnameable quality of the end were very fun to read.

And I love crack in general, but when the crack IS SIGNIFICANT?? AND IT MATTERS TO THE OVERARCHING PLOT?? Especially when it's a plot as conceptually complex and well-written as this?? An absolute treat.

"i'm super happy you liked the teruhashi section, because in a strange way i think that was the most out-there narrative choice i made haha." I request that you never feel worried about being too out-there again. I was a bit confused as to why Teruhashi was a wolf, but her section was so full of tension and rawness that I didn't mind one bit. And when this info dropped: "Saiki’s lip curls, just a little bit. You never had superpowers, Kaidou, he says. The change I made to the world—it didn’t make new things. It just added to what was already there. The most average person is now a unicorn, literally, because everyone is a unicorn, metaphorically; the person known only for her closeness to perfection was forgotten by everyone because true perfection cannot exist." Chills. Literal chills. Do whatever you want, because it'll probably be amazing enough that people won't mind if it's strange.

Also, "“But—I’m the Jet-Black Wings,” Kaidou says. That swooping feeling is twisting in his stomach, writhing. “I think I’m the Jet-Black Wings,” he says. No, you’re not, Saiki tells him. You don’t think that at all. You’re Kaidou Shun, and you want to be special. “So—why am I not special?” Kaidou asks. My change didn’t make something out of nothing, Saiki says. You were never special in the first place. “Fuck you,” Kaidou says." I forgot to point out this part in my last ask. This part, the confrontation of what had been building in the background this entire fic. AUGH. ""So- why am I not special?" You were never special in the first place." PAIN. Sorry, I don't know what to say other than 'this is really well-done'.

"my hope was that the reader would feel Things when reading (things besides confusion, hopefully)." You definitely succeeded in that!

Also, just so you know, I loved SO MANY parts of this fic, I'm just not mentioning them/copy and pasting them here because if I do I'd want to read the fic again, and I'm short on time right now.

"i'm especially happy you enjoyed saiki kicking kusuke in the balls. he deserved it. >:3" I was wanting him to get payback! >:D When I saw that sentence I cackled out loud LOL

"i wrote normalcdf( sort of about a very intense time in my life, so every time i see someone understand that this fic isn't just cracky craziness, i am very grateful." No problem!! Oftentimes I feel like when people see out-there things they focus on the insanity of it rather than the quality of the craft. I'm happy my appreciation made you happy! :D

oh my goodness thank you!!! i was pretty proud of the atmosphere in ch3/4, but i think you're the first person to comment on it—i'm glad it came through!!! i try my best with emotions, haha.

aw man that's wonderful to hear :D you're too kind to me, seriously. i'm psyched to meet a fellow person who appreciates crack with a twist of devastating significance, though!!! i feel like we're a surprisingly rare breed...

"I request that you never feel worried about being too out-there again" haha oh man thank you!! well, if you insist i'll try my best. ... i'm not sure if it ever gets fully clarified, but in case you're curious and don't mind some author's note tidbits: the reason teruhashi ended up as a werewolf in particular was to mostly to play with romance tropes (the stereotypical werewolf love interest). in a weird way, by becoming a werewolf teruhashi attains perfection by fulfilling both rolls of a romance story: normally the werwolf is the masculine party, and teruhashi herself is the feminine party... so when you put them together it's too much. but on the other hand, teruhashi going beastial and violent is a symbol for how the world is ending. (and on the third hand, the real reason she's a wolf is probably because i thought it'd be badass. 50% of my narrative decisions can be traced to that.)

the excerpt you pulled out is one of my favorites, thank you :D i think i rambled a bit about how kaidou falls into his own tropes somewhere in the comments of normalcdf( , so i won't do it again here, but know that's probably one of my favorite segments of the fic and i'm super glad it resonated with you. poor kaidou.

hehehe i'm glad you liked saiki's vengeance :D saiki was wanting payback too.

oh i totally agree that people tend to focus on the craziness rather than the crack. i've received quite a few comments going "wtf how is it good" and i always end up thinking of that meme/post that went around a while ago: it's good because i wanted it to be good. but, i've also had quite a few people like you who've noticed the effort put into it, and that makes it all worth it: and so i say again thank you!! :D

[lightlycareless]

Hii!!! I really love your naoya fanfic and I enjoy reading it sm. But I have a hard time imagining the characters 😭😭😭 like I know you're already described them in your fics but I just couldn't imagine what they look like. And sorry because I couldn't tell the difference between haruko and hitomi 😔😔

Heya anon!

Aww, thank you so much!! As for the description, I get it lol I tend to be more of a visual person, thankfully... I've been slowly but surely preparing each of the character's profile sheets or whatever they're called, which will include their background and what I think they look like.

I already posted Naoaki's, Naofumi's and Naohiko's "face claim's" over here if you want to see them. As for Haruko and Hitomi.... I'm still debating.

I just realized that I initially described them one way, and as I went on with the story they slowly began to change? 😂 Ugh, consistency will kill me one day, but this is the closest I have for them regarding a FC.

Hitomi is:

"Cold, aloof. Radiating an aura that dictates elegance, royalty, and even a bit of vanity, to the point where others believe she considers everyone to be beneath her.

Her silence is threatening enough to the point where they keep away from her, approaching her only out of necessity—more so when she’s proven she isn’t afraid of calling them out, portraying a no-funny-business work ethic. No one has ever seen her smile, with rumors quickly spreading that she’s incapable of feeling happiness all around.

That, of course, is nothing more than a façade, for deep inside she’s a kindhearted individual who will do anything to protect those she loves, and all that she does is always with the best intentions in mind.

She’s a good friend, a great listener, bust most importantly, she allegedly harbors an amazing sense of humor and isn’t afraid to take a joke… that of course, is something no one can prove, continuing to be just that: an allegation."

I always envisioned her to be like, the type of woman that's like super beautiful and confident, but always keeps to herself to the point that you can't help but feel a bit intimidated from her... but she's really nice. Hitomi really likes to keep herself as a mystery, she thinks she can do all kinds of things and no one will suspect her (and no one does really). Helping her word gain value which she can use to save her sister from certain conflicts.

Haruko is:

"Bubbly personality, with round features you can't help but dote on. Really adorable—extroverted, approachable, a bit too much from time to time you might think she's crazy and might want to avoid her all together, but she's a good friend at the end of the day and will stick with you through highs and lows.

She is also your go-to person when wanting to find the truth behind certain rumors or need something done—you can trust her reliability, if not, her persistence.

She’s the popular one out of the two amongst the staff, mainly after gaining the reputation of someone generous and talented when it comes to food. If you want a bit of what she’s preparing, she’ll save you some.

She might let her imagination run from time to time, but that only ensures that you’ll never have a boring day with her."

Haruko is like the type of girl that is down to do all kinds of things with you; whatever it is, she's not backing out lol I might even dare to say she was the class clown too when it school. She's just super happy, no one would ever believe she's related to Hitomi if they didn't look alike lol. She feels sad that Hitomi often has to intervene to help her, as if she were a burden, but Hitomi doesn't mind for she's the happiness in her life.

And if you want to get real crazy, this is another way to describe them:

Posh and Baby from the Spice Girls. Isn't that crazy? 💀

And that's what I have for the sisters right now :> I already have their backstory, but that's something I'll post when I have their character profiles ready.

Thank you so much for sending in an ask! If there's any other character you want more details about, please let me know and I'll do my best to answer 🤭❤️

Take care, and hope to see you soon!

[uwu-reading-thing]

You know the drill. Burn Notice fan fiction under the cut. It's a wip. In the same way the rest are wip. I need to finish some Grammer edits. And figure out tagging on A03

Under the cut. is s5 ep 16/17. Only 2k words this time.

s5 ep 16

Cigarette after Cigarette, the smoke fills my lungs. It's the only thing I know how to do right now. Smoke away the pain. I thought he loved me. I loved him. And now he's dead. The scene of his death flashes in my mind over and over. I watch the scene a million times analyzing anything to tell make it make sense. It doesn't. He's dead. His funeral I barely remember. I remember the "sorry for your loss" repeated to me over and over again like that would make the hole in my heart better. Like people apologizing that I am in pain would fix it. I remember Michael not being there. I want to say I don't blame Michael for Benny's death. It's not his fault Benny got involved with Anson. But Anson only found Benny because of Michael. And now Benny is dead. A pawn discarded in their game. I take the last inhale this cigarette offers me and light a new one. What does that make now? 12 I've smoked. I don't feel better at all. I wonder if Micheal showed up I'd blame him less for Benny's death. Probably not. But now we'll never know.

I hear the door open before it even shuts I hear Micheal call to me "Hey, mom" I don't look at him, focusing instead on the cigarette in my hand and the pain in my heart.

He closes the door and starts approaching the table I sit at "I'm sorry I didn't make it to the funeral" I look up at him when he says that. And I watch as he takes a seat at the table.

"How you holding up?" He asks me like there's a clear answer or even a good answer.

"Honestly? I don't know. I feel like I should be glad that a man who was spying on me is gone" I pause for a second trying to figure out what to say. What words are there to describe what is in my heart. Benny is gone. The man I love. The man who sure did betray me. But I loved him anyway. And isn't that what love really is? Loving someone even when they hurt you. "But I don't." It felt like he knew me in a way no one else did. We liked the same songs. And he'd take me places I always wanted to go, and... " I watch Micheal cross his arms. I don't know what he's feeling. I don't know why it happened this way. Benny was such a good man. "I know it sounds crazy but I honestly thought we were made for each other" I chuckle a bit at that sentence. Remembering all the nice times we had together. All the love we had for each other.

Micheal opens his mouth to say something. Hesitates for a second and continues to say it anyway. "Benny knew you, but not because he was your soulmate."

"What are you talking about?" I wipe away the tears in my eyes.

"Six years ago your therapist went on sabbatical."

"Wh- What does that have to do with Benny?"

"Your substitute therapist was Anson Fullerton. HE arranged sessions with you so he could find background information on me. He was preparing to burn me. He hired Benny. He gave him all the information he would need to make sure you two would hit it off. All so that he could keep tabs on me." I feel my pain melt into anger and disbelief. In a way, it's nice to know that none of the Benny I knew was genuine. The betrayal may sting worse but the mourning may lessen.

"How long have you known about this?"

"Ever since I met Anson"

"And you said nothing?" I stand up as I stare at Micheal. The betrayal definitely stings worse when it comes from your son as well.

"I didn't want you to get hurt." it's always the same thing with Micheal. Always trying to protect people. People who get hurt all the same.

The pain and anger build up in my chest. What good did his protection do for me? I'm still hurt. I'm still in pain. And all he did was make it worse by keeping me in the dark about the man I love. Before I even fully think through what I'm doing, I slap Micheal across the face.

"Get out" the words slip through gritted teeth. MIcheal eyes go wide as he looks at me "You had no right to keep that from me!" Maybe I don't blame him for Benny's death. But I do blame him for lying to me. " Get the hell out of my house. GET OUT!"

I watch as Micheal stands up and walks out. Stopping at the door to look at me one last time before leaving. He opens his mouth to say something but before he does he locks eyes with me. I think he sees the hate and anger in my eyes because he shuts his mouth and leaves.

I sit back down and grab a cigarette from the box. My entire body starts shaking as I try to light it. I need it to help calm my nerves. I need it so I don't cry. If the smoke can coat my lungs it'll make me feel better. The cigarette slips from my fingers as I break down sobbing.

----------

I hear Michael's voice talking to someone on the phone. The garage door was open and I wanted to see what it was. Of course, it was Micheal. Most days I wouldn't be upset to see him in the garage. I basically left him with an open pass for the garage when I gave him his father's car. But today isn't most days and he's not supposed to be back. I wait till he hangs up standing in the doorway.

"What are you going here?"

"I'm replacing the fuel injector of an old truck. Just came by for some supplies."

He turns away from me going back to grabbing the machinery he needs. I take a drag of my cigarette. I don't want to see him right now.

"Mom. I was just trying to protect you" He breaks our silence and breaks me out of my own thoughts.

I throw down my arm by my side "Oh. Just stop. I think I've proven that I can take anything your life throws at me" My words are sharp with anger. "What I can't take is your keeping things from me."

"Mom-" He turns to face me. His voice is raised as if ready for an argument.

"I'm not finished." I cut his sentence off before he even starts it. "Your life affects all of us. It affects Sam. It affects Fiona. Only I'm the only one who's left in the dark." His eyes flicker between me and the floor, contemplating what I just said. He knows I'm right.

He turns back to his machines. Away from me. As if the conversation is too hard to have while looking at me. I shake my head and take another drag of my cigarette.

"Mom. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Anson was using anything he could against me. Fi, you, and he mentioned Dad."

I straighten up as Micheal says that last part. "What about your dad?"

His head bobs up, probably in thought to say exactly what Anson said or not. He chooses to not. "It doesn't matter. I don't want to know. I don't need to know." Maybe it wasn't about Anson. Maybe he was trying to shake the thought of his father out of his head.

"Micheal I'm not trying to tell you run your life. You're a big boy. But it's the things you don't know that can hurt you." I walk out leaving Micheal by himself. With a lesson, I've learned hard several times. Maybe this will make him ask about his father. Maybe this will make him tell me more about his life. I don't know. I do know I want to finish my cigarette in peace.

--------------

s5 ep17

I was watching my stories when Micheal called me. He said something about meeting at his father's grave. And nothing else. He hung up. Now I'm sitting in my car outside of a cementary smoking a cigarette before going in. I guess my conversation about what you don't know hurting you had an effect on him. I'm glad he's taking the initiative with Frank. But I'm not glad I had to come back here. I haven't been here in a long while. I open my door and toss my cigarette to the ground. Stomping it out with my shoe as I get out of the car and make my way to his headstone. Micheal has been standing there for the past couple of minutes while I try to delay seeing Frank's grave again by smoking in my car. That boy and being early to meetings. I swear he's early to every time he was supposed to die and that's why deaths never got him. A fact I'm glad about. I don't want to see another man I love dead.

I stand next to Micheal. He doesn't say anything. I don't say anything either. We just stand in front of Frank's grave. I'm waiting for him to be ready for what he needs to say.

He takes a deep breath in and speaks "Mom. I know how dad died." he avoids looking at me.

"Well of course you do. I told you when you came back. He died of a heart attack."

"No. Mom. I know why he died." He looks around and at me to read the reaction on my face. I don't know what my face gives but he keeps going "Do you remember when I said Anson was also talking to dad?"

"Yes. What does this have to do with it?" I feel my mind race. Like there is a puzzle I should understand but don't.

"Well, dad started to wonder why his therapist was so interested in me. And you know dad." Micheal keeps on walking around the point. But I want him to say. To admit it to himself in some way. About the man I married and the man he hated.

"Anson said he had dad killed." He looks away from me and back to the grave. And I do the same.

I light myself another cigarette. Micheal doesn't even say anything to me about it like he normally does. Usually, I would get a snide comment about killing myself with these. "I haven't been here since I buried him. Your father would hate this place. I can just see him yelling at some gardener about all these weeds. I still can't believe he died to protect you."

"Mom, we heard that from a murderer who framed Fiona for a bombing. I'm not sure we can take Anson's word for it. " he shut down saying something good about his father quickly. He's still not ready to deal with that.

"Maybe not. But I remember Frank, just before he died, He was asking about you, out of the blue. I didn't have time to find it odd." I chuckle remembering how fast it went down, " In a week, I was trying to figure out why'd he got drunk and OD'ed on heart pills. I'm telling you, Micheal, it fits."

"No, Ma, listen. This is just Anson trying to get into my head."

"No, you listen. I'm not a spy but I'm not a total idiot. They used Frank to learn about you and when he caught on, they killed him. He was a bad man, Michael but even he had his moments." A broken clock can be right twice a day. I want him to see that. To know Frank as more than just what he does already. To understand why I chose him. I toss my cigarette onto Frank's gave.

"Nates rented a place in Daytona Beach for a week. I'm gonna take off and go up there, take some time, you know, try and get used to this."

"How do you get used to this." MIcheal continues staring at his father's grave when he speaks.

"You look at me. You have a job to do. Make sure Anson doesn't ruin any more lives."

"I'm just not... I'm not sure how to do that."

"Figure it out, Micheal. You do whatever you have to do." He looks at me and nods before looking at his father's grave again.

I walk off leaving him alone with it and his thoughts. He's a smart boy. He'll come up with something.

[gods-perfect-idiots]

Agreed! I am def taking some liberties by assuming a detail-oriented intentionality that I cannot be sure was present here (no shade to the creators of the film, they had a lot to balance and squeeze in and I can't say I would've done any better), but given how little they gave Vanessa/Morena Baccarin to do in the script I think she gave a lot of depth to the character! It's easy to brush her off as incidental or unimportant or underwritten (I know I did the first couple watch throughs since the Vanessa stuff felt kinda shoehorned in and forced, especially without having recently seen the first two movies) but given the context of dp1 and 2, I think they did a good job of giving us just enough to make it make narrative sense in a background arc way that didn't detract from the larger story.

I have been looking for the screenshot from the memory when she says "your crazy matches my crazy" because the more I think about it the more gutted I am by her delivery. (EDIT: shoutout to my pal @gossippool for sending this along! god I'm about to cry she looks so broken) She's clearly on the verge of tears - she LOVES him, she MISSES him, she can't even begin to grasp what has changed in him and she doesn't know what to do about it except to say "I love you" in their specific sweet way that harkens back to the beginning, but in that moment I think you can see that she realizes it's not enough. And damn, if that doesn't hit hard. Because sometimes you love someone so so much and it isn't enough.

More ramblings below the cut

It also makes me wonder when that memory took place, because I think it could have been the actual moment they broke up. We don't see the actual way the memory ended after all. If Cassandra was able to grab that memory immediately out of all of Wade's memories, it must have been an important moment to him so it makes me think that was the catalyst for them finally breaking up, hence why she picks it out of all the memories he has of Vanessa. And that scene does a very good job of encapsulating how much Vanessa loves him and wants to help him, makes it feel like she's been reaching out to him for ages trying to bring him back to her. It's gut-wrenching honestly the more I think about it, especially when you consider that his last thought before he thinks he's about to be torn apart atom by atom is "I want to see Vanessa". I feel like in that moment he really realizes what she wanted from him, and why he wasn't able to give it to her, and that he would save the universe for her anyway because he would do anything for her, even if they've grown apart and can't be together anymore. She still gave his life meaning when he had no one, she still stuck with him when he had cancer, she stayed with him and wanted to have a family even after he got his powers, and for better or for worse he became Deadpool *because* he couldn't bear to die and leave her.

Which is why right after he has that thought he turns to look at Logan. I think in that moment he does begin to realize the real weight of the sacrifice they are both making, and that that's what matters - not being an Avenger, not getting revenge, not getting the girl, not saving the world, not even proving that you matter. Underneath all the jokes and all the pain, what matters is loving and being loved, even though it hurts and can end at any time, it's still worth it.

idk sorry just so many big feelings about this movie at all times bursting out of me

Okay bear with me folks, I have some ~thoughts~ about the Vanessa/Wade relationship (or frankly lack thereof) in Deadpool & Wolverine. I should start by saying that I am analyzing this with the (likely erroneous) assumption that everything on screen is 100% intentional and mindfully written to deepen the characters and inform their arcs. For the record, I don't necessarily believe that's true - there is certainly room for mistakes, lazy writing, confusing plot elements, or in this case, sidelining a potentially strong and important character for nebulous reasons (I'm guessing scheduling conflicts + run time concerns + actor's strike complications but idk for sure). (Also thanks to @gossippool and @kendyroy for encouraging me to post my thoughts instead of just rambling in the tags in the first place, y'all are the realest)

Long rambly post below the cut fyi

Now, granted, it has been a while since I watched the original Deadpool so I am not as well-versed in their early relationship as I am in the handful of scenes Morena Baccarin has in dp3, but I do think it is pretty canon that Wade generally struggles to express his deeper worries and feelings (without filtering it heavily through crude humor, sex, and pop culture references of course), especially after the events of dp1 and the physical and mental damage he sustains, and Vanessa is frankly no exception despite how much he cares for her. The entire first movie hinges on the fact that he doesn't really believe she could love him in his post-Francis mangled state, which is pretty contrived imp given that the film has established already how bonded they are, and she doesn't strike me as being written to be so shallow as to reject him based on a physical deformity. I mean iirc she wanted to stick around through chemo despite him being literally riddled with inoperable cancer, so she clearly is in it for the long haul (at least in dp1), messiness and all.

Now, in dp2, obviously she is shot and killed early in the film, and Wade spends much of the rest of the film wallowing in his very profound grief over losing her. He goes to prison, he basically gives up on life and seems very resigned to dying once he has the power suppressant collar on, almost excited to do so so he can be reunited with her. She is mostly sidelined as a Fuzzy Dead Wife trope basically, but the important thing here is that he spends weeks if not months in the throes of despair over losing the love of his life just as they were trying to start a family.

Now, my first couple times watching dp3 I was frustrated by the kinda trite narrative presented in the interview scene towards the beginning - specifically Wade's whole "my girl is getting tired of my shtick and I need to show her I matter". It felt contrived and disingenuous, and I just brushed it off as iffy writing, a means to an end, but the more I reflect upon it the more I think it is based in an emotional reality that is just handled very lightly by the film in favor of fanservice and Poolverine content (NOT that I'm complaining in the slightest - I think this movie is a masterpiece in many ways, albeit a flawed one but that's beside the point here).

Basically, I think the combination of what happened to him in dp1 (the brain damage, the trauma, the awareness of the fourth wall, etc) followed by the events of dp2 (Vanessa's death, his grief and the associated guilt and trauma of being the direct cause of her death) lead to an unbridgeable emotional gap between the two of them that ultimately leads to their breakup.

It's important to note that Vanessa doesn't have any recollection of dying I don't think, and of course cannot fully fathom what Wade went through grieving her and their life together and their potential family for however long he spent between her death and bringing her back with Cable's device.

The one scene we really see from their relationship between dp2 and dp3 is the one where Cassandra mind-gropes Wade in the Void and we see Vanessa struggling to reach Wade across this aforementioned gap - she wants him to open up, she wants him to share what he's going through, she wants him to be the person she initially fell in love with. But not only does he not understand what she's really asking for (he responds in such a way that makes me think he has unprocessed issues that are only tangentially related to what she's saying - ie the stuff about mattering, about asking her if she even wants to be with him, etc). And he's not the Wade Wilson she met anymore. He watched her die and grieved her and brought her back believing it would make everything go back to normal, but he has been fundamentally changed in a way that she can't grasp, even if he was good at externally processing honestly and openly without the artifice of wry jokes. She didn't "come back wrong" - instead, she came back exactly the same as before but he's different now.

It's an interesting scene because it's obviously a memory, but you can see how Wade is misunderstanding what she's saying - he takes away that she thinks he doesn't matter (even though like he says she didn't actually say that, but I don't think Cassandra invented that wholecloth - I think she pulled it out of his psyche because that's what he believes deep down), he takes away that she doesn't want to be with him, that she thinks he's nothing. Which would be frustrating to witness as a pretty simple misunderstanding, but it feels believable to me that these two people who have shared a great love would be fundamentally separated by unimaginable, cosmic trauma. It was one thing when they had shared trauma like violence and SA in dp1, but what Wade has gone through in dp1 and dp2, humor aside, is unfathomably traumatic, brain-breakingly so even.

I think off-screen Vanessa probably really tried to reach him, maybe for years, trying to get her Wade back, but that Wade is gone and he struggled to express that to her until eventually he started to feel rejected because he couldn't express his trauma or how much he has changed. The truth is, he WANTS to be that Wade again, for her and for himself, but that Wade died when she died. Or maybe he had already started dying when Francis got a hold of him in dp1.

Anyway, all this is to say, I think Morena Baccarin was criminally underutilized in dp2 and dp3, but I think there is a strong argument to be made for the believability of their breakup. I think even relationships built on enormous love can crumble due to trauma, and what Wade suffers over these movies is enormous. It's especially heartbreaking that he blames himself for their relationship ending, talks like she just got tired of him, thought he didn't matter, whatever. But it is a credit to him that he never seems to feel anger towards her about it. He doesn't seem to feel entitled to her, though he longs for her and what they had and what she represented (hope, love, a future, a family), but ultimately she becomes more of a symbol of what he lost when he gained his powers, because let's be super fr right now - even if they had succeeded in having a baby, not only would they have lived in fear of her or the kid getting killed, but ultimately Wade would likely outlive both of them. The moment he gained his powers he was already starting to lose her, which is heartbreaking because she was the only reason he opted for the treatment in the first place - so he could stay with her.

I think a big part of Deadpool & Wolverine is watching Wade continue to process his own motivations (vis-a-vis Vanessa but also his other friends) and how he does eventually let go of the idea of "mattering" in favor of just saving the people he cares about (*cough* and being saved right back *cough* by Wolvie, as the final line and shot implies). And in the process he finds someone new who cares about him, who thinks he matters, who tries to sacrifice himself for him and his friends, who comes home with him at the end of the movie, who has also experienced unimaginable grief and trauma, who not only matches his crazy but matches his FREAK and also cannot be randomly killed by a stray bullet.

Idk if any of this makes much sense but I do think if you read between the lines and consider the potency of trauma and grief at play here, Vanessa and Wade's off-screen breakup is actually pretty realistic, and really heart-breaking to boot.

You can tell she still cares about him in so many ways - she shows up for his birthday party, she shows up to his party at the end, she finds excuses for physical contact multiple times, her eyes get soft when she looks at him, but there is a distance there that Morena Baccarin does an incredible job of portraying. She cares about him deeply, she has mourned the loss of their potential life together, but she wants him in her life even though she's moving on because she realizes he's gone somewhere she can't follow (literally and figuratively).

Anyway. Poolverine forever. Nothing against Vanessa but I think their relationship was sadly doomed from the start because Wade becomes this traumatized superhuman and Vanessa would always be at risk but also always on the outside of his multiverse superhero experiences. I think it's weirdly beautiful, even if I am filling in a lot of gaps and giving the writers maybe undue credit.

Anyway... thoughts? Please DM me or write in the tags. I am feral about this movie and just want to talk about it with anyone haha. If you have further insight into these characters too I'd love to hear it - I am by no means an expert in these movies or characters!

[springsaladgaming]

Progress Update 2/1/23

I said I'd have a more comprehensive progress update before the month was out, but I'm a dirty liar! We get a February 1st update instead! In my defense, I get confused about whether my sister's birthday is on the 30th or the 31st sometimes, and that confusion made me confused about what day it actually was too.

So here's the more official first progress update of the year in which I'm going to talk about my current thoughts on Ninelives and what I will be working on for the foreseeable future.

It will be a year in March since the last official update to Ninelives, and for that I'm so sorry! Last year was a struggle in multiple ways. After such a long stint of lockdowns, quarantines, and travel restrictions (self-imposed or otherwise), people began going on vacation like crazy last year, and I was very busy with work. The work itself is not super time consuming, but the instability of it (I'm constantly driving around and sleeping in different places) certainly didn't help my focus. And then the depression hit me pretty hard the last few months of the year. It was all I could do to finish the first chapter of my other project and didn't leave me with much energy to think about Ninelives.

All that aside, I have a pretty serious helping of time blindness to go with my ADHD. Sometimes I will think it's only been a few days or weeks since I last worked on my writing, and then I turn around and realize months have passed. It's something I'm trying to be better about, but sometimes I just have to accept that I'm gonna slip up a lot.

I could sit here and make excuses and apologies all day, but I'm not going to! 🙆🏾‍♀️ I'll just finish this segment with a big ol' thank you for being patient with me! So let's continue on!

Regarding Ninelives as it currently stands, there are some things about the layout and UI that I'm not entirely happy with. There's a strong chance in the future that I will transfer all the work to a completely different template. I also think I've learned a lot more from working on my other project, so there might be general improvements to the way I've coded some things in the background. These aren't necessarily things that will be super noticeable from an outside perspective but will improve the efficiency of the choices and passages.

However, I've also been getting better about working on the drafting and coding separately. The last time I worked on Ninelives in earnest, I was performing both tasks simultaneously, and this was causing me to hit a lot of unnecessary speed bumps along the way. As such, I've been focusing on the two more separately with my other project, and I know now that's what I need to be doing for Ninelives too.

So any improvements and changes to the layout, UI, and anything coded up to this point isn't something I plan to worry about right now. The immediate priority is Chapter 3, and I want to talk a little bit about why Chapter 3 was always going to be such a big hurdle.

I've mentioned before that certain parts of Ninelives are getting rewrites from the original ChoiceScript version that I started with. Chapter 3 is going to have the most significant changes, going so far as to be a large chunk of completely new content. Some parts of the original Chapter 3 are getting carried over, but a lot of it is getting cut to make way for some events that I think will better lay out the greater plot.

To go into detail, while still keeping things mostly spoiler-free: The new Chapter 3 involves a party. This party will be an opportunity to gain more insight into what's going on with Sungjae, meet the ??? RO that I've been talking about all this time, and establish some more of the character skills a little bit earlier in the story. Oh yeah, it's also a party the MC is most definitely not supposed to be at. (How good is your MC at talking their way into a formal event?)

It's also a much-needed revamp of the inciting incident, because, let's be honest, the original inciting incident was way too random. (That's what plotting by the seat of your pants gets you.)

I think the revamped Chapter 3 is going to do a lot for the story that the original Chapter 3 simply did not do, so I'm excited to finally get it into a written draft.

So the first order of business is writing Chapter 3, no coding included. Once it's written, the process of coding it is a lot shorter. I don't have an ETA, but Ninelives is my full focus right now. I'll keep y'all posted with progress updates!

Thanks for sticking with me!

[spencestyles]

I’d do anything

summary: spencer is in love with y/n and y/n is in an abusice relationship. will spencer be able to save y/n? love her when she needs him most?

pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader

warnings: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP DO NOT READ IF NOT COMFORTABLE READING THIS CONTENT, normal case violence

words: 4k+

please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the content of it abuse is a trigger. be mindful of this.

enjoy!!

SPENCER'S POV

"Guys this is my boyfriend, Owen," y/n said to the team on a night out.

For the longest time she and I have been best friends, nothing more. I have been in love with her for a while now, but I have always been too afraid to tell her. Now that she had a boyfriend, I knew I had lost my chances.

"Oh my gosh!" Penelope yelled. "It is so nice to finally meet you! y/n has told us so much about you!"

Owen smiled and gave y/n a side hug, "Hopefully all good things."

"Yes," JJ quickly said. "She makes you seem amazing. Hopefully you can live up to the expectations."

"Hopefully I do not disappoint," Owen replied.

The night continued with the team asking Owen questions. I had met Owen before and he truly was a nice guy. That was the worst part. However as the night continued, y/n acted strange and almost seemed afraid of Owen. She was acting timid, something she has never done, not even in front of an unsub.

Owen went to get y/n a drink so I decided it would be the perfect time to ask y/n, "Are you okay? You've been acting strange, is Owen hurting you?"

"What?" y/n laughed. "Spencer are you okay? Of course not. Owen and I are perfectly fine."

I sighed, "Okay, just checking. Are we still on for Dr Who tomorrow night?"

"When have I ever not showed up for Dr Who?" y/n retorted. "I will obviously come. Nothing can ever come between us and Dr Who."

Owen suddenly came up behind y/n, "Wait, you're hanging with Spencer tomorrow?" Owen asked aggressively. "I thought we were going to do something?"

y/n laughed, "I told you I can't ever hang on certain Fridays because I watch Dr Who with Spencer. I also never agreed to doing something together, I would have never forgotten a Dr Who watch party."

Owen glared at me. Obviously he was angry I was hanging out with y/n.

"I think it's time for us to leave," Owen said, grabbing y/n's arm very hard. "Say goodbye to your friends." Owen walked over to the table with y/n and put on a fake smile. As they walked out the door, I noticed y/n look back at me, tears in her eyes. Something was wrong.

The whole team was sitting at the table talking about something random when I decided to speak up, "How did you guys like Owen?"

A mix of complements were thrown by the girls, but the guys, they didn't seem too impressed. JJ, Emily, and Penelope, all went to get drinks while Rossi, Hotch, Derek, and I stayed at the table.

"What did you guys think of him?" I asked.

"I hated him," Derek said simply. "I saw the way y/n acted around him, much profilers the girls are. She's acting just like someone who has been manipulated and abused."

Hotch nodded, "I agree with Derek. I know we aren't supposed to profile team members, but the girls obviously don't see anything wrong."

"Are you guys sure?" Rossi asked. "I mean he seems very nice and maybe you all just think he is not good because you all wish y/n and Spencer were together."

The guys looked at me as I began to blush profusely, "I don't want to be with y/n that much anymore." They looked at me in disagreement. "Guys I'm serious, she has a boyfriend."

"Yeah and you don't like her," Rossi argued. "Just admit that you still have a crush on her and then if something really happens I will believe you."

"Fine," I sighed. "I still like y/n."

YOUR POV

"What the hell y/n," Owen screamed at you. "What the fuck is Dr Who night? You know I don't like him."

You choked a sob, "Owen it isn't like that. I don't like him, he's my best friend. Please don't hurt me."

"He obviously has something for you and you have something for him," He yelled.

"I d-don't lik-ke him Owen," I whispered. "I promise."

This had become your normal routine. Spencer or some other male would say something and Owen would go crazy. Especially about Spencer. Owen would yell at you and sometimes things would escalate. That unfortunately is how it went tonight.

It started with a push, then a slap. Sometimes it progressed more, but that was rare.

"We are going somewhere," Owen said.

You were being dragged out of the house, "Owen, what?"

"Well since you can't be obedient, I'm going to have to teach you somehow y/n."

And like that you were knocked out unconscious.

SPENCER'S POV

I walked into work carrying a coffee for both y/n and I. I decided to get her a coffee to apologize for last night's irrational decisions. I had come to the conclusion that Owen wasn't actually abusive, I was just jealous.

Derek and Hotch though, not so much.

"Baby girl, that guy is a grade A asshole," Derek said to Garcia. "Can you please just do one background check?"

Penelope sighed, "I can't do that Derek, I promised y/n I wouldn't look into him."

I decided to ignore the conversation and wait for y/n to come in for work. After about thirty minutes of waiting I decided to ask Hotch.

"Hey, is y/n coming in today?" I asked.

"Um, no," he said, pulling out his phone. "I got this strange text though, can you look through it."

"Yeah let me see," I said, walking over to where he set his phone down.

"Agent Hotchner, I will not be able to come into work tomorrow for the case. I have an issue with my tonsils. I am sorry." I recited. "I don't think y/n typed this, maybe we should send someone to her house and to Owen's house."

Hotch groaned, "I'll send Derek and JJ, I am hoping our next case doesn't become y/n. Please continue to look over the text and I'll have Garcia look into Owen."

I nodded and put the text onto the white board so I would be able to write on it.

"Hotch, look at this," I said, Hotch walking over to me. "First, y/n hasn't called you agent Hotchner since her first day here, she usually calls you Hotch or Aaron. Also, y/n got her tonsils removed when she was 7."

"Garcia, have you looked into Owen at all," Hotch asked.

"Yeah a little, but it's all normal," Garcia answered.

Hotch glared at her, "Not enough, do a full deep dive. I don't care what y/n told you not to do, he is hiding something and so is she."

Garcia nodded and went straight to work as Hotch's phone began to ring.

"Morgan, you're on speaker."

"Okay so y/n's apartment was spotless," Morgan said. "But it was also locked, so I don't think she went home to her apartment last night."

JJ began to add on, "Owen's apartment on the other hand, was a mess. Like it looked like there was a robbery of some form. Also, y/n's purse was there."

"Garcia what do you have on Owen?" Hotch asked.

"Owen Winters, he is 42 and from Southern California," Garcia began. "As a child CPS was contacted many times and it looks like his dad killed himself when he was 8. It looks like he has an extensive amount of charges for abuse and harassment, all from his ex-girlfriends."

"Do any of them live near?" I asked.

"Yes, boy wonder, 25 year-old Vanessa Montgomery works in a coffee shop near the white house," Penelope explained.

"What is the coffee shop?" I questioned.

"The Starbucks over on Pennsylvania Ave. near the White House," she answered. "Why?"

"I know her, she is the barista that always gets our order perfect," I replied.

"Morgan and JJ pick her up on your way back," Hotch ordered. "Owen Winters is our new unsub and y/n y/l/n is our newest victim."

I sighed as I began to prepare the questions for Vanessa. I looked over at y/n's desk and decided to start looking through it for any details.

As I walked over to the desk, I looked at the coffee on y/n's desk. I wanted to apologize for something that I was right about. Why didn't she tell me? was the only thing going through my head.

At her desk I noticed some things that I guess I hadn't seen before. On her desk she has four framed pictures. One of her, Hotch and Rossi. Another that was her and the girls. One that was of her, Derek and me, from one of the first cases we had together . The last one however, was the one I had never seen. It was a picture of y/n and me from when she took me to Colorado to ski and hike.

I smiled at the memory,

"Spencer, be careful," y/n yelled as I walked closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

I laughed, "y/n I'll be fine! Come here, let's take a picture."

"Fine! Spencer I swear if I fall, you are coming down with me."

"For you, y/n, I'd do anything."

I then began to look deeper in her desk. I felt like I was violating y/n's personal space, but this needed to be done. As I looked through her drawers, I wasn't able to find anything that could help. Until I looked in the last drawer.

In this drawer, I found papers for a restraining order that had been filed and denied. y/n was trying to get away from Owen.

"Guys, I found something," I said yelling into the conference room. The team looked at me to continue, "y/n filed a restraining order on Owen but it was denied. The date was two months ago. I was thinking back and y/n has been acting a little strange for the past five months. Owen has to have her."

"Reid, we already established Owen has her, but this ensures that he was abusive," Hotch said.

Emily sighed, "The timeline makes sense. She has been hanging out with us less and she has worn more turtlenecks in the past five months than I have seen anyone ever wear."

"Yeah," Penelope said. "y/n has ditched us for girls night for the past few months. She also got mad at me at team dinner last night when I asked why she wasn't wearing something more revealing."

"Her smiles have been fake," I added. "She smiles at us all the time to brighten our days, but they haven't been as nice, welcoming."

"Well, Reid, it looks like you were correct," Rossi said.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked.

Derek laughed, "Last night when you three went off to get drinks, Reid told us he thought Owen was acting violent with y/n and thought she was acting strange. Hotch and I immediately agreed, but Rossi didn't seem convinced. Rossi thought Reid was just jealous because he has a crush on y/n and he doesn't realize she likes him."

"Derek, not the time," I said sternly.

Emily laughed, "I can't believe you of all people couldn't see it Spencer. y/n is hopelessly in love with you and now she is dating a scumbag because she doesn't think you like her."

I sighed as I began to look over where y/n could be located, thinking about the idea of dating y/n wouldn't help us find her. We had made little progression on this, but we knew it had to be somewhere with significance to either one of them or both of them.

I decided to ask Garcia, "Garcia, have you made any progress on where y/n could be?"

"Yes 187, it looks like Owen owns a small cabin around half an hour from here," Garcia said.

"Okay let's go now," Hotch told us.

Garcia gasped, "Wait there is a live feed. I'm putting it up on the screen."

The video was horrific. y/n was tied to a chair looking almost dead. She had blood falling from above her head and looked like she had been through hell.

"Hello BAU," Owen said to the camera. "I have your dear y/n, but you wont be able to get her. y/n will never be out of my sight ever again. I will not have Dr. Spencer Reid ruin our relationship."

"It's not your fault Spence," y/n said to the camera. My heart clenched. She was in pain and I couldn't be there to help her.

"He is the one in the way of our relationship y/n," Owen yelled. "Of course it is his fault."

"Spencer isn't the issue with our relationship Owen," y/n yelled back. "You are."

Hotch started to grab his things, "She shouldn't have said that, we need to leave now. She is already in danger."

We all ran to the SUVs. I went in a car with Derek and Hotch. Derek drove and broke every traffic law imaginable, making the thirty minute car ride less than twenty. The three of us grabbed out vests and began to run to the cabin.

Suddenly, Hotch stopped me, "Spencer it isn't safe for you to be there."

"Hotch I have to go," I protested.

"Spencer, you are the reason she is there," Hotch said. "It may be Owen's fucked up mind, but you are the trigger that made him angry. y/n loves you more than him and he noticed and now we're here. Stay outside." I decided to not fight and stay outside to wait for the other team members. The other SUV pulled up quickly after us.

"Jesus Christ, that was the fastest I've ever driven," Emily complained. "Spencer what are you doing out here?"

"Morgan and Hotch already moved in, Hotch doesn't want me inside," I explained.

"I'll stay out here with you Kid," Rossi said. I nodded in thanks as I watched Emily and JJ run to the cabin. I stood staring at the cabin. Time had become slow motion. It felt like an eternity watching the movement inside.

I heard Derek yell from the cabin, "MEDIC! WE NEED A MEDIC!" I immediately ran into the cabin. I looked over and saw y/n in Derek's arms, barely breathing. I heard Owen yelling at me, but couldn't focus on anything besides y/n.

"y/n," I said, moving to where I was holding her head. "y/n, I need you to listen to me. I love you, I always have and I am so sorry I never told you."

"Sir, we need you to move," the medic said, trying to move y/n onto the stretcher. I began to move when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked down and noticed it was y/n. She gave my hand three squeezes. I Love You.

With y/n on her way to the hospital and Owen getting taken back to Quantico, Derek, JJ, and I all went to the hospital to keep tabs on y/n while the others closed the case.

I sat in my chair nervous out of my mind. Derek sat next to me trying to calm me down and JJ was across from me.

"Spencer, you need to calm down," Derek told me.

"I can't calm down Derek, y/n could die," I said frantically.

JJ began to laugh, "Did you know the other day y/n told Emily, Penelope, and I, that she wanted kids? Can you imagine that? y/n with kids?"

A tear trickled down my face, "She always told me she wanted two kids, one boy and one girl. y/n would be a great mother."

Derek laughed, "The thing that would make y/n such a great mother if her kids were also yours Pretty Boy. I have known since the beginning you two would have pretty kids." I laughed, but also glared at him.

"y/n y/l/n?" The doctor called. The three of us stood up and the doctor began to walk towards us, "y/n is out of surgery. It was touch and go for a while, but she is stable. There were many noticeable signs of abuse that were old, she has a broken harm and three broken fingers, all of which are old."

I let out a shaky breath, "When can I- we see her?"

"I can only let one person in at a time and I doubt she is awake," the doctor explained. JJ and Derek looked at me, signaling me to go to y/n's room. I followed the doctor to her room.

"It might be a little much to see, she may not look like herself. She is very, very fragile and has wires attached to her," the doctor said before opening the door for me. Walking into the room, the environment was tense. y/n was laying in the hospital bed with wires attached to her and much of her body was wrapped up from the surgery and from her injuries.

I went over and sat next to her bed, grabbing onto her hand, "y/n, you can't hear me but I am here. It's Spencer. I am so glad you are okay, but why didn't you tell me about Owen? I could have done something. WE could have done something. I am just so glad you are safe."

For the rest of the time, I sat there watching her sleep. Not in a creepy way, but to make sure she was safe. I was so pissed at myself for not realizing what Owen was doing earlier. I should have been able to see the warning signs. Some of them were subtle, when she wouldn't hang out with the team or was constantly checking her phone. But some of them should have been immediate red flags, the flinching in front of the unsub or how she always wore clothes to cover herself. I should have known. The team should have known.

I felt y/n's hand move and saw her shift, "Spencer?" she asked.

"y/n," I said breathlessly. "I am right here, but I need to go get a nurse. You are at the hospital, Owen hurt you."

I started standing up to leave, "Spence, no. Don't leave me."

I sighed, looking at her disheveled features, "y/n, I will be right back. You need to see a nurse."

Walking out of the room was painful, hearing her sobs in fear of being hurt again. It pained me to know I was leaving her when she needed me, again.

I walked over to her nurse, "Um y/n y/l/n has woken up, I thought you should know." The nurse said her thanks and walked with me to y/n's room. As we walked in, the sound of y/n's labored breaths became more noticeable.

"Miss y/l/n, we need you to calm down," the nurse said, running to y/n's bedside.

Immediately, I walked over to y/n and held her hand. "Sir, you need to exit the room," the nurse said, ushering me away from y/n. At that moment I didn't know what was worse, hearing y/n's cries or feeling so helpless in the situation.

Suddenly, I felt a presence next to me, "Reid, you need to leave, it's not good for you here."

Derek.

"Derek, I-I-I can't just leave," I stuttered. "I need to be there to help, she's all alone."

"Kid, you need to shower," Derek said.

"No, Derek you don't understand," I said angrily. "I can't just leave her here again. I didn't notice when she was hurt and I need to show that I care."

Derek sighed, "Reid, she knows. She's not going to hate you. No one knew that she was going through that. It's not your fault."

I was about to say something when I say y/n being moved out of her room by doctors, "What is going on?" I asked.

"Miss y/l/n is getting taken back into surgery," the doctor said. "We don't know what happened." I began to hyperventilate. I was freaking out. y/n wasn't alright. She was going to die.

As I began to sob, Derek pulled me into a hug, "She is going to be alright man. You'll get to see her again and talk to her and finally ask her on a date. Does that sound good?"

I unconvincingly nodded my head.

"No, Spencer, don't do that," he said. "Don't doubt the doctors and think about the statistics, y/n is not a statistic."

I nodded, wiping my eyes.

"There you go," Derek smirked. "Now, go take a shower at your house so y/n wont shy away at your scent. Also, maybe get her some flowers. She likes-"

"Pink roses," I interrupted, laughing. "Pink roses are the most difficult flowers to find."

Derek laughed, "At least try to find them."

"For her," I began. "I'd do anything."

After that, I ran to the SUV to head to Quantico and get my car. The car ride felt like forever and I wasn't excited for the possibility of seeing Owen. Thankfully, I didn't see Owen between the time of dropping off the SUV and going to the parking lot to get my car. The car ride to my apartment was short, thank God. I decided to take a quick shower, just wanting to freshen up. I got dressed in my home clothes, which were in fact different from my work clothes, contrary to the belief of most of my team members.

I made it to the flower shop that was down the street from my apartment. I was usually able to find at least one pink rose here, but it was typically very difficult.

"Hello," the shop owner said. "We are close to closing Spencer. Do you need anything in specific?"

"Pink roses," I stated.

The owner laughed, "I'll have to check the back, but don't get your hopes up."

I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I couldn't help myself. y/n loves pink roses and I love y/n.

The owner came back, "You my kind sir, are in good luck. We had one bouquet left of pink roses in the back."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said, pulling out my money. The owner nodded as I ran out the door to my car.

Speeding to the hospital, I made it to the waiting room. In the waiting room, I couldn't find the team. They were all there, but they weren't in the waiting room. I decided to go to y/n's room and see if they were near there.

Walking to y/n's room, I heard laughter. I looked into the room and saw the team in there along with y/n, smiling. I knocked on the door and slowly opened it.

"Spence," y/n smiled. "I missed you."

"Well I should get going," JJ began. "I need to go see my boys."

The rest of the team followed with their excuses for leaving y/n and I alone.

"H-hi y/n," I stuttered. "I brought you flowers, h-how are you?"

"I am as good as I can be," y/n laughed, obviously compensating the pain. "Thank you for the flowers Spence, I can't believe you could find them at this hour. You have always told me-"

"10 AM is the best time to buy pink roses," I interrupted. "Sorry."

"It's okay Spence, how are you?" She asked.

"Not that great," I said honestly. "Why didn't you tell us y/n?"

y/n sighed, "It was hard Spencer. I already barely had time alone with you guys and I didn't want to ruin it. Owen was also very scary- a mad man. I felt hopeless Spence, I didn't know what to do. I mean I've seen situations like this all the time in cases, but when it was actually happening I felt like there was nothing to do."

I held on to y/n's hand, giving it small kisses while she continued to talk me through her feelings, "and Spencer, I don't want to be alone tonight. Do you think you could stay?"

"Of course y/n," I answered.

"Thanks Spence, you're the best," she said. We continued to sit in a comfortable silence, watching the new episode of Dr Who on the small television in the corner of the room when y/n spoke up again, "Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?" I asked, hoping she didn't mean my love confession.

y/n looked at me, knowing I was avoiding the topic, "When you said you love me Spencer. Did you mean it?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I love you too," She said.

I smiled, "Maybe once you're better Icantakeyoutodinner?"

"Spencer say it slower and I'll answer," y/n laughed. "I couldn't understand you."

"Once you're better maybe I can take you out to dinner?" I asked.

"Of course," y/n said. "But no Indian, if we are going on a date I want to go out somewhere. I want to feel pretty."

"To me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world," I said.

y/n blushed profusely, "I still can't believe you found those pink roses! I bet you had to look all over."

"I did, but for you, I'd do anything."

[dragon-kazansky]

Made with love | Helmut Zemo

Chef Zemo AU! 👨‍🍳

Gender neutral reader!

Collage by @realremyd

[Next chapter]

Part 1

You had always wanted to travel through Europe. You wanted to see those streets at least once in your life. Meet the people, attention the languages, taste the food, and maybe even do a little shopping in certain cities.

Your friend, Wanda Maximoff, came from a rather unknown country called Sokovia. When you had told her about your trip, she had brought it up. She hadn't been back home since she left, but she remembered it well. She suggested some places to go if you ever stopped by. You made a mental note to drop by her home country for her sake.

Sokovia was a declining country. It had its fair share of issues and problems, but it was still out there waiting to be discovered. The least you could do was visit on your travels.

You had passed through Spain and France, spent a few extra days in Gemany, stopping by the Netherlands to see Amsterdam. You have lost count of the photos you had taken in Austria, and it was as your stay in Poland was coming to an end when you remembered about Sokovia. The other countries you had planned to pass through would have to wait. You spent your last night Poland planning the flyover to Sokovia, luckily finding a flight that will take you to the capital.

In your pocket you kept the list of places Wanda and suggested, her hoping most of them were still there. You would of course take pictures for her.

The plane landed and you exited the airport. You wanted to see the city. A cab station near by grabbed your attention, so you hurried over. You asked the driver of the nearest cab to drop you off in the city centre. He did.

Looking around Novi Grad, you were taken in. The city was old. People were going about their business, but some even turned to smile at you as you walked along. You took in the area, admiring the buildings and the people. You were impressed and in awe with the city.

You keep an eye out for somewhere to stay, checking Wanda's list as you go incase you spot one of the places on it.

You're not sure how long you have been strolling the streets when something catches your eye. It's not a very big building, but it stands out. A restaurant. A Spanish restaurant. You smile. Spain was one of your first stops when you got to Europe, the food was one of your favourite parts.

You realise just how hungry you are. You hadn't eaten anything since before your flight. The door is open and it looks like a good place to stop.

You look up at the sign as you get closer to it. Gold letters on a purple background. There was something elegant about it.

Escorpión Morado

You look at your list quickly. It's on there. Purple Scorpion. Wanda knew about this place. You put away the list, grab your camera, and stand far enough away to get a shot of the exterior. You smile at the outcome.

Outside there were a few tables. Four, to be exact. They had a nice view of the courtyard just in front of the restaurant. The entrance was two narrow double doors, opened wide to let air into the shop, and allowing easy access for the customers to come and go. The shop being on the corner of the street allowed a view on either side theiugh the large windows. On each window was the name of the restaurant in faint lettering. You could see inside, but decided you could admire it better by going in.

Entering the restaurant, you were welcomed with a certain warmth. It wasn't too busy, but there was still several people here, enjoying themselves. You took a picture of the inside.

The inside was nice and open, plenty of room to move around. A bar was situated at the far end, a couple of people sitting at it. You walked over the polished floor and made your way to the back. You pick a stool and sit down, looking up at the menu. There were plenty of options.

"What can I get for you?" A voice asks, coming over to you. You turn your head to see who was speaking, your voice suddenly doesn't want to work.

The man comes to stop in front of you. Brown hair swept to the side, dark brown eyes, sparkling with amusement, a smile tugging at his lips. His shirt sleeves were pushed back up to his elbows, and apron was around his waist. He had very clearly just been in the kitchen.

He tilts his head to the side slightly. You had yet to answer him.

"Are you alright?" He asks. "English?"

Oh, he thought you didn't understand.

"Um, yes. I speak English. I'm sorry, I'm fine," you feel embarrassed, shuffling on the stool slightly.

"That's alright. What can I get for you?" He asks, offering a friendly smile.

You glance up at the menu again. "What do you reccomend?"

As you glance back, you see his smile widen. You had eaten tapas while you were in Spain, but you found yourself wanting to hear him speak again. There was something about his accent that was satisfying.

"Since I haven't see you around here before, I'll make a special for you. How does that sound?"

"That sounds lovely, thank you."

He smiles and leaves you to go and make it himself. You look around the restaurant again while you wait.

On the wall just off to the side, there was a plaque. You get up and walk over to it, wanting to read what was on it. There was a photo above the plaque that caught your attention first. An older gentleman, dressed smartly and looking proud. You read the plaque to find out who he is.

Or was.

Heinrich Zemo

Founder of Escorpión Morado.

He died a few years ago, leaving the restaurant to his son, Helmut Zemo. There was no photo of his son, but you assumed he was here somewhere.

Actually, looking at the photo, you could awe some semblance with the man who had served you. Was he the owner?

You look at the plaque once more before going back sit down. The atmosphere in here was nice. You could see yourself coming here every day just to pass time. It certainly seemed like a favourite spot for these people.

You smiled as you glanced over the few people gathered here. A couple by the window, just looking out at people passing by. A man sitting at the bar talking to one of the staff members, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. There were a couple of families taking up tables here and there.

It was very relaxing here.

You turn back around when the man returns, he puts the dish down in front of you and smiles. It looks delicious, just like the one you had back in Spain.

He stands there as you take your first bite.

You stop and look at him as soon as the food touches your tongue. It's amazing. You smile as you eat it, nodding at him, impressed.

"This is the best tapas I've ever eaten."

He looks really pleased with himself.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, especially since I was Spain not that long ago." You go for another bite.

"A traveller?"

"Yeah. I always wanted to see Europe, so I've been saving like crazy and here I am."

He leans against the counter, seemingly interested in this information. You're not complaining, he is definitely attractive company.

"And you found yourself here of all places."

"I have a friend who comes from Sokovia. She had mentioned it to me before I left for my trip, the least I could do was come and see," you told him, still enjoying your meal.

"Sokovia isn't exactly a popular destination, but I welcome you all the same. I also welcome you to my restaurant."

"Ah, so you are Helmut Zemo? I was reading the plaque over there," you said, nodding over at the wall.

"The one and only. Do I get the honour of your name?"

"So you ask all your customers for their names?" You ask, smiling at him.

"Only the really interesting ones."

"Interesting? I've been here all of five minutes. What makes you think I'm interesting?"

"When you work in a business like this, you get to know who is interesting or not. It comes with the territory. Also, moat of my customers are locals, so anyone from outside the country has to be interesting in some way," he crosses his arms and looks at you smugly.

"I see," you chuckle.

"Is that a no, then?"

"Y/N. My name is Y/N," you reply rather bashful.

"Y/N, lovely."

The way he says it with his accent makes a shiver run down your spine. You had a sudden need for him to say it again, but you also had to remember to be a normal human being who isn't going to freak out the lovely man they just met.

"Your meal is on the house."

You look up at him sharply.

"Oh no, please let me pay," you say urgently.

He shakes his head.

"No, this one is free. Only this one."

"You say that as if you know I'm going to come back," you look at him with a narrowed gaze.

"I trust that you will," he smirks.

"Why?"

"Well, you ate everything, complimented both my food and establishment, and I'm far too interesting, myself, for you only to come by once."

You laugh softly, shaking your head at him. His eyes lit up at the sound.

"Insufferable," you say, sliding off the stool.

"I'm aware, you get used to it."

You smile as you make sure you don't leave any of your belongings behind and thank him for the delicious food.

"Come again," he says.

"I'll think about it."

You leave, knowing he was smiling as you left the building. You make your way across the square, resisting looking back through the window to see if he was still there.

You pull out your phone and bring up a map. You needed to find somewhere to stay for a few nights. You didn't have to look far. There was a small hotel up ahead and around the corner. You decided to try there.

Finding it wasn't too hard. You only had to go down a small backstreet. It was out of the way and hidden, a nice peaceful place to stay for a while.

You enter. The lobby wasn't too big and it was nice and quiet. The building was old, but the inside seemed well looked after.

You walk over to the desk and smile at the man sitting there.

"Hello."

He smiles, "hello."

He spoke English too. That was good. Your Sokovian was... nonexistent.

"I would like a room for a few nights."

He nods and opens a big book information front of him. He grabs a pen and flicks through room numbers.

"How long are you staying?"

"Three nights? Yeah, three should do." You still had countries to check off your list.

He nods and asks you to sign the book. While you do so he grabs a key from the wall behind him. You pass him the book back and take the key.

"Enjoy your stay."

You nod and take the stairs up. Your room was nice. Big enough for one person and on the main street side, where you came up to get here. You could just about see the square from the window.

You sat on the bed. Perfect. There was a TV, but something told you it would be Sokovian television. Maybe you could watch it just for the sake of it.

You lay back on the bed and took our your phone, calling Wanda.

She picked up almost immediately.

"Y/N, where are you?"

You smile, "Sokovia. You were right, Wanda, it's very pretty here."

You hear her little gasp down the phone.

"You're actually there? You're making me homesick now."

You chuckle softly.

"I'm sorry, Wanda. It's a beautiful city though. I even stopped off at one of the restaurants you listed."

"You did? Which one?"

"Escorpión Morado."

"Escorpión Morado? Oh my gosh! It's still there? Did you meet Heinrich? I remember him being so wonderful to his customers."

"Actually, Wanda, Heinrich passed away a few years ago. His son runs it now, but I guess you could say I did technically meet the owner."

"My heart is saddened to hear of his loss. I do vaguely remember his son. Though back then he worked in the kitchen and very rarely came out."

"Helmut is rather lovely. He stayed and talked to me while I ate."

"Is he cute?"

You roll your eyes at her question.

"He might be," you chuckle.

"Perhaps a romance will spark and you'll be left heartbroken because you'll have to come back here and maybe never see him again. I'll be here watching you drink wine straight from the bottle and gobble down ice cream because you're utterly in love with this man you met once while travelling."

"Wanda, I need you to stop watching those chick flick movies and come back to the real world. I'm not going to fall in love with him. His food, however, is to die for."

"Oh, you're in love with the food. Spain exists, you know."

"I know, I was there, remember? Kind of missing the sun, if I'm being honest, but my God Wanda, this man can cook."

"Marry that man, Y/N. He can cook."

"Wanda, shut up," you laugh with her down the phone.

"Never. Enjoy your time in my home country, Y/N. It honestly means the world to me that you're there."

"In taking photos, don't worry! I'll be home soon, Wanda. See you."

You end the call.

You drop your phone on the bed beside you and stare up at the ceiling. So far you really liked Sokovia, very different from places you had been to so far.

You smile as you think about Helmut. He was certainly the most memorable part of your stay here so far.

Maybe you would visit him again tomorrow.

For the food, obviously.

@namethathasnotbeentaken @belle82devart @cathrin2405 @lieutenantn @wilder-fangirl @latenightartist-author @lucky-luck-lucky @hb8301 @charistory @thatoneartgalsstuff @thesuitkovian @malkaviangirl @zemosimp420 @realremyd @the-chaotic-cow @lostghostgirl94 @zafiro-draco @lazygurl05 @pinkcutiepiee @goddessofmischief03 @whovianayesha @myybebe @awesomesauce-abbie @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @zemo-is-my-muse @nonamec0s

[frogsat]

Some more about this because it's been wILD yall. This is like discovery of the century type of stuff and there's been DRAMA. But first some background. TL;DR, Superconductors are materials with 0 electrical resistance. But if you want more details...

In electronics/electrical engineering resistance is a fundamental concept. Basically, it is a measure of something's opposition to electricity moving through it, aka current. Electricity wants to go through thing, thing says "no" to varying levels of extremes. Current still goes through, energy is then usually lost to heat. It's why computers heat up when doing extensive tasks. A bunch of components with resistance -> energy lost as heat -> thing gets hot. Pretty much anything we use in consumer electronics have some non-zero resistance. Rubber famously has very high resistance which it's why the usual "rubber suit to avoid shocks" shows up a lot.

Now resistance is important in some cases. Heaters are usually effectively a giant resistor, but when we want to use our electronics for stuff other than heating, it gets in the way. A lot of energy that could have been spent doing stuff (like computation or charging a battery) gets lost to heat. which isn't great. In crazy complicated electronics like particle colliders, though, we've made/used things called superconductors.

Superconductors are materials that have 0 resistance, which is great! That means no energy is lost to heat. The problem is that for these superconductors to work, they need to be extrEMELY cold, like less than -100 degrees Celsius cold. So it's been a goal for the physical sciences to find a superconductor that has this "superconductive property" at roughly room temperature so we can use them in normal electronics. A few years ago, a team claimed to have made superconductors at room temperature, but under a metric buttload of pressure. So that's cool (or warm, pick one), but not very efficient. I don't know about you but I don't want to put my computer under ~1.7 million atmospheres of pressure.

So recently, a team in Korea claimed to have created superconductors, called LK-99, that work at room temperature, AND ambient pressure (~1 atmospheres) which, if true, is incredible! and nobel prizes will definitely be awarded. Imagine GPUs that don't heat up when running, or a battery that is super duper efficient. They also have some neat magnetic properties (useful for things like fast trains) that I'm not going into because I've spent too many words on background already.

The Tea

Okay technical information is done. Now the tea. I'm going to try to put this as concisely as possible because frankly, I can't follow it entirely. And I might miss stuff so sorry if I do.

Okay first we meet Lee and Kim, who are PhD students to an advisor who comes up with a theory on how one of these superconductors could theoretically work. They both do work on this stuff, and discover a trace of the material in 1999 (thus the name LK-99) but ultimately the work didn't pan out super well and they move on. Lee and Kim graduate and get jobs, as graduate students do. Then their advisor, on his DEATH BED, calls them back and is like "I've got a good feeling about that idea. Prove me right."

Eventually Lee forms the group Qcenter which works on superconductivity. Fast forward to around 2018, a physicist name Kwon joins. In 2020 they have more results and submit to Nature. NOW, off to the side there's this other guy, Dias, who claimed to have made room temperature superconductors, was caught faking data, and had his paper retracted. Now the journals are like "No more fake claims, guys, we're not playing" and are now on high alert. Lee and Kim submit their findings and are rejected due to the controversy with what I like to think of as "pics or it didn't happen". They go "ok fair" and continue working to make their method better since they were struggling to replicate it. They make the process better over time and then we come to a few weeks ago.

Kwon publishes the paper on Arxiv (a non-peer-reviewed website for early-draft papers or papers under review) that has the three on the paper, Lee, Kim, and Kwon. Then Kim goes online and starts badmouthing Kwon and is like "this dude was fired 4 months ago. These papers weren't ready." Lee and Kim release new papers with other people a little later, but conveniently leaving Kwon's name out. Now the news is broken though and the manufacturing is reasonably simple enough to replicate, theoretically.

SO everyone across the world is trying to replicate this. A guy at Varda, a space manufacturing company, decides to STREAM HIS FURNACE ON TWITCH in what is probably the largest audience of the chemistry-equivalent of watching paint dry in the history of twitch. Ultimately though people are struggling a bit with replication with mixed successes and failures. Lawrence Berkeley National Labs says "we have supercomputers" and provides a simulation that confirms the material's properties too.

Meanwhile this biologist on twitter, @iris_IGB, is like "skill issue" and recreates the thing in their own house just casually. As any good twitter user with an anime pfp, absolutely DRAGGING the scientists in the process. Finally a group in China managed to replicate it as well, providing a video of the material demonstrating the magnetic properties a superconductor should have.

So yeah. Lots going on. Still more to do for an official confirmation. But all fun.

It's still under work. Refinements are happening, and there's still some skepticism, but I'm optimistic. Link to a summary article

[entities-of-posts]

*knocks on the door and waits a second, before opening it and sitting down a few feet away from you, gives a small wave* Hello

*folds hands together in lap and waits a moment, looking for how to phrase my thoughts* .... I thought you might be able to help me.

You see- I'm not an avatar. Or at least I don't think I am. I do have some leaning for masks and endless questions, but nothing truly serious has happened to me besides personal drama, no spook stories.

But I am, a writer. A writer with a problem... For anyone who watches or reads this place little warning for abuse and gaslighting, absolutely mundane for a place like this. But I like it when people understand where they're marching towards. Anyway, this character I have, he's human. He's a dancer. When he was a child- I'm sorry may I ramble? I hope you don't mind. I assumed this was a place for ramblers.

Anyway, when he was a child in Cuba, his father left for america to start a life, and send money back so they could all immigrate. Well, he sent the money. He and his mother got to America, and he wasn't there. He left them, after previously seeming to love them so much... Anyway.

Conservative catholic mom mixed with a gay son who's only passion was dancing didn't go well. She was emotionally abusive and gaslit him all the time, but she made it to where, through masks, the whole world had no idea what was happening.

My question- my dilemma- for you is, what entity would he really best serve?

He doesn't have a real concrete sense of self, because he's been hiding his entire life. He hid his trauma and his pain, and he hid his orientation, and he tried to distance himself from his homeland. He has an interchanging set of masks for his mother, his church, his friends, his real friends, his teachers. Its easier, to find new identities to be when you don't who "you" are.

But then at the same time, he's constantly afraid that he was making things up. Life wasn't really that hard there- she was right. Maybe that person in the corner of the class that smiles just too much and suddenly isn't Right is just his imagination- maybe HE'S the crazy one here.

I feel like he's seen a door or two appear in his home- when he knows there wasn't one there before- promising him an escape from this life. And I know that when he dances and really- r e a l l y looses himself he can hear the music of strangeness. But I just can't decide.

He'd be so good for the Stranger, but his background has him neatly set up for spirals.....

Last thing, and then I'll be done. There's a thread I've been following in my imagination, where after he runs away and starts his new life, his mother (It's not her) finds him and asks him to talk. To stop running from her. To tell him to come home. And all his friends run to protect him from his mother but he's frozen, stuck, in fear. Because he Knows it's not her. He remembers a different face.

He doesn't want to join the Stranger, but if it chose him this way, beckoning him to come join a dance, is there anything he could do to escape? Perhaps if the two fears knew, that if (by one way or another-) he chose one, the other would destroy him in petty delight, would it dissuade them? Why bother wasting the energy if you will, and both would leave him be but quietly feed.

*shrugs after a pause* I don't know, make of this what you will. I just figured that you might want something a little bit different. Either way, it feels nice for me to drop the ball and let the thread unroll. I really would like your opinion. Your thoughts or your ramblings on this or just the dichotomy of Stranger and Spiral in general. If stories aren't what your after, I can try and pull up a more interesting statement to feed off of. Just let me know, I'll be here... Watching, reading. As we all are.

... I like this mask. I'll call it, Triple A Writer. Let me know when you feel like rambling with me. *gets up, stretches a little, and walks out, quietly closing the door behind me*

Here we must make the distinction between Marked and aligned. Your character seems Marked by both the Spiral and the Stranger, but to mostly feel a call, a kinship with the latter. While the scars of the Spiral are on him, it seems like to it he would be a snack rather than a servant. While the Entities do squabble and steal each other’s toys, it’s unlikely that they would both care enough about this one human to have a real fight about it; at least not them directly. It would be more plausible for him to catch the eyes of not those two Fear themselves exactly, but rather beings serving them; those could certainly try and actively compete for his loyalty if he seemed worth it. It’s OF course up to you, and him, to make the choice. But I do believe your boy deserves to dance at the Unknowing’s opening night.

[dannyboyzone]

Why these Lookism Bad Guys are liked, a rant by me

Alright, so I have came across a post talking about how Johan is hated on despite being a "bad person", and trashing other characters for absolutely no reason other than guilt tripping people. I personally think the post is immature, but due to my own personality and mental state, it has still got me kind of pressed, because it all sounds ridiculous. This post will be about some people in Lookism that are viewed as a bad people and or are hated on, and why I think they are liked. I won't speak for everybody liking these characters, and it will include some characters that I hate. This post is just to give a general idea for people who are really ignorant about why some characters might receive love. You might have come across that post, and if not, I am talking about this one below. - Well, only a small part of it, that threw me off. -

I didn't include the person's username out of respect and also so they don't feel attacked or anything of the sort.

Before starting this off, there are a few things I would like to say. If I sound petty, I truly don't care. I never saw anybody hating on Johan, at max maybe give criticism, I also don't hate Johan or try to disvalidate anyone's feelings, just get some things straight. Liking someone's looks does not immediately mean you are attracted to them, neither does liking the person's look you are attracted to mean you are toxic. It means you are loving. If you like someone's personality, you will find them beautiful consciously or subconsciously. If someone finds a character handsome, it is not a crime, people have types and preferences, and if they do it's none of your business. Hating good looking people doesn't make you woke, neither hating on people who are attracted to good looking people. What are you, Crystal Choi? And yes, people will be attracted to looks, it's a normal human act. People will notice if they find someone more attractive or unattractive which is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing when they start treating people different because of it. I assure you, most of the lookism fandom that I have came across doesn't do that.

This post will not include Seong Yohan because I never saw him get hated and I don't think nobody knows where he is coming from.

Samuel Seo

Yeah, so what seemed to be a surprise for me is that not a lot of people like Samuel, or at least understand why the people liking him would. Now, I personally feel no romantic attachment towards him. - Which is yes, normal, even if he is fictional. It's called fictophilia and I better see no judgement about it. - However, I do love Samuel a lot, and would love to care for him and grow a strong bond. To me, Samuel is not a monster. At all, believe me, Samuel isn't liked only for his looks. For me, personally, I love him so much because I can relate to him. I absolutely hated him at first, but grew to love him because he is human. He is complex, has a hard life and isn't perfect. That's exactly why I love him, and someone else I really adore does too. Yes sure, as you grow to like someone's personality, you find them handsome and or pretty. It's so much easier to say someone is pretty than to say, 'Hey, I love this person because they helped me go through so much.' Not everyone has the same love language, not everyone is comfortable with blunt affection. Besides, Samuel can and will achieve anything he wants. He has SO much sides to himself, not just 'good looking violent guy with big tits'. That's not Samuel at all. Besides, if PTJ oversexualises him, it's hard to not notice his body.

Yes sure, Samuel hits women, but I personally, don't f%cking care. Your vagina doesn't define if you deserve violence or not, your behaviour and the person's you face personality does. I am personally someone that doesn't mind violence as long as the person deserved it, because some scumbags in this world do. If they happen to be a woman, that's not on me, they shouldn't have done whatever they did. If you are not a violent person, I am not even sorry to tell you this, but you are probably sexist. It's not like all women are fragile and unable to get hit. Besides, if his violence is the problem, why is it fine that he hits men? Because men can handle it? According to statistics women have a higher pain tolerance. By your logic, you should call him out for hitting anyone in his way. Stop acting like hitting women is a necessarily bad thing, start saying that hitting innocent people is a bad thing.

If you must hate on him, maybe use the fact that he killed his abusive and neglective parents. Don't give a hard time to others for liking him though.

Ahn JongGun

Does Gun seem like a bad guy? Absolutely, he has done some horrible things. Then why do we like him? Because he seems to have a smaller character development coming, he has so many things to him and he is an absolutely incredible and complex character. I am very curious of his background and what caused him to be so violent and yet so calm. I like him because he allows himself to be human. From his religion, to his knowledge of material arts, to his adoration towards Vasco's material arts teacher - I forgot his name, so excuse me for that -, to his attention to details, to his fashion sense, it all makes him human. It's nice to see someone be a human, instead of just 'hot guy' or 'villain'. He is a nice character that brings many depth to the story. I could list a hundred of reasons why I love him, and no, none of it is his "weird" fashion sense. I do find him incredibly stylish, I just think some people in this fandom don't understand fashion. - Oops, I guess. - My main reason to liking him is that he is most likely either bisexual or pansexual. That he has a crush on Daniel. I might seem like I have a weird fetish or something, or that I am a crazy "fangirl". That's not the case though. I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and while not huge, I adore the hell out of the representation. It's nice to see such a smart, elegant and powerful guy be the representation. Because he is a character that's not there simply to be gay and full of stereotypes. Like, no hard feelings if you fit into stereotypes, but as a person who doesn't fit into them, it's a refreshing thing to see someone that's allowed to have many sides to himself other than just 'the gay friend'. Of course I am sure there are a lot of people who have many other reasons to love him, like his endless knowledge of material arts. There is so many reasons to be interested in his character, and just because you can't see it that doesn't mean others are blind to it too.

Yeah, he might have slept with countless women, but the main reason you can't count it is because he never stated the amount of women he slept with, neither did anyone else. Sure, he did say that Daniel is better than any women he ever slept with, but for all you know that could have been 3. Even if, it doesn't matter. He could have slept with 3, or 70 women. It doesn't matter, because not everyone's sexual life will reflect your own. And other people's sexual life is none of your business. Sure, you can say it's only fiction, and that I am overreacting, but when it comes to such small or personal details, people tend to put their own personal view into it. It's really not fine to shame others for their sexual life. As long as he uses protection, and didn't make anyone pregnant and doesn't play with the feelings of anyone, who gives a f%ck.

Some people tend to lash out sexually if they experience trauma or stress, and no, I don't mean they go and r%pe people, I mean that they go and have sex with different people who give consent. Even if he doesn't do it because of that, why does it bother you so much? Sex isn't a disgusting act. Some people like it, some people don't. Whatever their decision is, as long as no one is hurt, you should respect their decision.

Kim JoonGoo

Alright, this got me f%cked up. Goo is such a good character, and no way he would ever cheat on his S/O. He has morals and a lot of good sense in himself. Sure, he might have said that Samuel will be his secret friend, which led OP to believing Goo would cheat, but that's... a terrible reason, in my opinion. Gun knows that Samuel works for Goo, and Goo owns up it too. Besides that, nothing, absolutely nothing would lead to the fact that Goo would cheat. Because he wouldn't.

Now, why do I like Goo, and why some other's might like him too. He is such a well put together character, unpredictable yet so simple. He damages people to a point they have to retire, doesn't get scared of murderer, is a money maniac and hates his boss. You would think, he is dirty and fits the "gangster" stereotypes. That's not the case at all. He is more hygienic than most of the characters of lookism, if not the most hygienic one. He hates drinking and smoking, doesn't have tattoos - not that there is anything wrong with that - and is incredibly patient.

He might be a money maniac sure, but his ability to control money so well the way he does just shows how high his IQ is. I find that amusing, since it's something hard to do. What I completely love to the moon and back about Goo is his creativity.

When he gets into fights, he is patient and maybe let's himself get hit a few times. That's a good thing because he has time to learn about what he is facing. I think that's neat, because not a lot of people think about that during fights, and he taught me to do that. Also, the way he harms people is very creative too, no matter how harsh that sounds. He stabs people with chopsticks, kicks people with a glass piece stuck in his shoe and harms people with a katana. It's all so unpredictable yet fits him so well. I really love the way he fights and handles situations because it tells so much about him. Also, he is so fun, who would do karaoke after beating a bunch of guys unconscious? Only your one and only Kim JoonGoo. He is such a fun person to study and to read about.

So, no, I will not put up with the bullsh%t that he would cheat on his s/o, because he is a very respectful and none judgemental person. Just because his fights look violent to you, and his friendship with Gun unstable, that doesn't mean he is a bad person. It just means he is different from you, and yeah, he does f%cked up things, I won't deny that. That's exactly what makes him an interesting character.

Xiaolong

Now, I personally don't like Xiaolong that much, so this will not come from heart, but a place of logic. For a disclaimer, I am not caught up on the latest chapters, because I want to binge read it.

Now, even though I do not like Xiaolung, I can see why other people would.

He is a responsible person, who takes good care of himself even though he has to look after Vivi 24/7. He is not only good in his job, but takes it very seriously too. He isn't afraid to take action to make sure his job is going smoothly, and that everything is on it's place. He would do anything to protect Vivi, which can be appealing to some.

And from what I saw from spoilers, he is very strong. No, admiring his strength does not make the person toxic or fragile. It means they find the place in their heart to appreciate the type of struggle and hard work he puts into it. He has an unique way of fighting, which I could only see a small portion of. However it's clear that he must be impressive. I completely understand if people find that neat.

Also, Xiaolong seems like such a f%cking loyal person. That's so incredibly important. A lot of people can find that appealing, for various reasons. I am aware there are poly people, or anything similar to that, but loyalty is so important for some people and can form a very deep sense of love.

Yeah, he might take care of Vivi when she is drugged and let her get away with drugs but consider this that's his job. He is payed to do that and swore to do his best in it, as it's very important to him.

Outro;

Yeah, I don't care, like who ever you want to and defend them, but if you drag down other characters and guilt trip people because of liking specific characters, you are not going to be "woke" or special. And I will find you, and e a t you. - For legal reasons, that's a joke. -

That is not the only post that I saw shame those characters and people who like them, but is the one that made me messed up.

This fandom absolutely loves shaming people if they love the character design and looks of their favourite character. Let me tell you something though; You are missing the point of the whole manhwa you are reading.

Finding people attractive and beautiful is completely normal. Treating them differently because of that is not. As far as I am concerned, I never saw any lookism fans hate on characters they find less attractive. - Rather on the attractive ones. -

People have a type and that applies to looks and personality. Literally everyone does, even if it's unconsciously.

If you want your favorite character to get more love, don't make other people's comfort characters look bad on purpose, because in their eyes they aren't simply the bad qualities you see in them. And if you highlight them at least make sure they are true or at least reasonable bad qualities.

Well yeah, that was my little rant. And I didn't even mention the psychological aspects of why each character is like, or in other words what people they might attract. Or, the difference kind of personal life experiences people had to go through to appreciate each kind of little detail about the characters.

Yeah, this is the end of my little rant. If this post will get actual mature answers and discussions, I will make a similar one for Vinjin, Logan, Olly and Jiho. Yeah, I hate all of them, but other people might not.

END